COUNSEL TO THE HUSBAND: TO THE WIFE Instruction.  
A SHORT AND PITHY TREATISE OF Several and joint duties, belonging unto man and wife, as counsels to the one, and instructions to the other; for their more perfect happiness in this present life, and their eternal glory in the life to come.  
AT LONDON Imprinted by Felix Kyngston, for Richard boil. 1608.   

TO THE RIGHT WORSHIPFUL AND my very Christian friends, Master THOMAS GERVOYSE, and his virtuous wife Mistress LUCY GERVOYSE, true happiness in this life, and eternal glory in the life to come, be from God the Father through jesus Christ.  
MY Worshipful dear friends, in the Christian duty which I own unto your worshipful Parents, who have a long time deserved much at mine hands (and much more than I can repay) as also in the love I bear to your own and your beloved yoke-fellow, bethinking with myself wherein to show some token of this love, (as it well becometh and concerneth a thankful heart) and weighing the estate, whereunto God hath called you, of the marriage band, I did light upon this argument, thinking it the fittest for your use, and the easiest for my study to labour in, by reason of mine experience of the evils thereof: which, as a token of my love, to prevent the evil, and to instruct unto the godly duties and fruits of that Christian and honourable estate, I do humbly present, and prefer unto you: not doubting but you will both accept and apply it, as shall be most expedient in every respect. And so to a slender work, a short and brief Dedication may well suffice, that the porch of the house be not bigger than the whole building. And so I commend it to God's glory, and myself to your service in the Lord jesus.  
Yours in all Christian duty and service, Ste. B.   

Counsel to the Husband: To the wife instruction.  
THE whole estate of man's happiness, may easily be disposed, into the consideration of two times; The state of this life present: and the glory of the life to come. This life being the first, is both the Image to resemble, and the foundation, wherein to lay (or work) that eternal happiness. Neither is there any estate, wherein we may more lively behold, or sensibly taste and feel, any sparkle or jot of the Lord our God, his eternal love to us, then in that united estate of man and wife; wherein two persons become but one, 
Ephes. 5.13.  which still are two; and mutually owe to other several duty. 
A double union.  The union whereof, as it is unspeakable (where there is (indeed) an holy union) so hath it pleased the Lord, not seldom, but often in his word, (and especially in that Song of songs, called salomon's Canticles) under the title of an husband, rejoicing with his wife, to set forth his love unto us, what it is in Christ jesus. Whose mutual kindness, expressed (in that song I mean) in terms, in duties, in wanting each other, in seeking, in sorrowing, in finding, in enjoying, in solacing and embracing, in unwillingness to leave and departed each from other, may well show the conjunction to be unspeakable, between man and wife, (rightly conjoined, and yoked equally) and be a lively pattern of more heavenly things. Howbeit (I say) it is not in all conjunctions, that this Image of spiritual happiness doth appear; 
All marriages do not resemble heavenly happiness.  for in some, it beareth rather a type of hellish sorrows, wherein (our Saviour saith) shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, 
Matth. 25.30.  when the judgement shall be pronounced upon the reprobate [Go away ye cursed once into everlasting fire.] 
Verse 41.  Even so, where the match is unmeet, the conjunction unequal, the united in body, disunited in spirit, of contrary affections, hearts and religions, duties unperformed, each crossing other, or any of the twain unwise that will not be admonished; what are the fruits there? but wrath, bitterness, contention, controlling, contradiction, taking all things in the evil part, jealousy, upbraiding, discontentment, false dealing, secret juggling, conspiring, wants, without pitying each other, toil without helping each other; seeking each one his credit with discredit unto both, with many other as grievous to be spoken of as any past. All which (no doubt) made Solomon so to speak, 
Prou. 21.9.19.  as his proverbs do bear witness, namely, that it were better to dwell in the corner of an house top, yea in the wilderness, most desolate and solitary: and as another saith, with dragons & bears, or other cruel beasts, then with the contentious and froward wife. So that (as I said) this Image of God's love, and of our eternal and most happy conjunction with Christ, (he the head, and we the members; he the husband, and we the wife; he, our well-beloved one, and we his aswell beloved) is not to be found in every conjunction (as woeful experience giveth cause of complaint to many) but only in the godly united match; in the well ordered, and governed match. 
A necessary caveat.  So that, how necessarily doth it behove them, that would live perfectly happy, (by enjoying the one, and avoiding the other) to be instructed in the means which lead hereunto? that is, seeing this happiness is in the right ordering of man and wife themselves, each towards other, and then both in the joint governing of their family, to know (therefore) both their several works, and conjoined duties. And whereas I called this estate before, a foundation, wherein to lay the work of eternal happiness, I spoke not without advisement; for that, 
The Church is the school of God's Kingdom.  as the Church (generally) is the school of God's kingdom, a place to make men fit, before they can enjoy his kingdom (understanding me of such as come to the state of discretion and judgement) as also the word of God, is called the Gospel of this kingdom, because that in this life, it fitteth men thereunto; so is every man's house, (rightly ordered and governed by the rules of godliness) not unjustly, or without cause (by the holy Ghost) called a Church, 
Rom. 16.5. Reu. 1.6.  the Governors, Kings, Priests, and Prophets unto God. Kings to rule, Priests to offer sacrifice; and Prophets, to instruct, or see instructed. The husband first and principally, as the head and high Priest; the wife in his absence, or, as upon just cause, he shall require her: She openeth her mouth (saith Solomon) with wisdom, 
Prou. 30.26.  and the Law of grace is in her tongue. So likewise did Bathsheba teach her son Solomon: 
Prou. 30. See the title thereof.  Lest, whereas the Apostle saith, The wife shall learn at home of her husband, 
1. Cor. 14.34. 1. Tim. ●. 12.  she should think herself absolutely excused, or freed of this duty. No, by no means may she think it, 
Virtuous women must teach in the family.  as not being the meanest property of the virtuous wife.  
In all which government, howsoever the Church oftentimes doth want the parts and members of her government, by reason whereof, God is not so honoured, as he should or might; 
Godly householders may have perfect government.  yet is it free to godly householders, to enjoy this government: for, how should God want his orderly worship, morning & evening, weekdays. Lord's days, blessing and praising him, with joy and comeliness in a private family, and in the time of the Gospel? or how should there want laws, ordinances, 
Every godly family, and well ordered, should have penal laws for sin. Gen. 21.9. Gen. 37.41.  and statutes, against profaning the Lords day, swearing, drunkenness, lying, evil speaking, quarreling, standring, unchaste speaking, either for Ishmaels' scoffing, or Esau's threatening, where the Governors have the authority to hold the stern, and command for God? except they want care and zeal, for God's causes, 
The chief cause why families do abound in sin.  or hatred against sin, and regard only to be served themselves, and not how God is served, worshipped or obeyed. In all which consideration, what a foundation of eternal happiness is there laid, where there is such an holy & religious care to plant virtue, and supplant vice? to know the Lord, and to have him served aright? 
1. Cor. 7.22.  whose service is freedom, and whatsoever freedom beside, is but bondage unto Satan.  

Note this.  Verily it is a great burden, which governors of families do bear, and their account is great; their families should be churches, wherein God should be hallowed, served, and daily honoured: yea, they should take care, that not only they themselves fear God, (which yet is the least care of too many) but their servants also; that not only they themselves be not swearers, or excessive persons, but not any of their servants be known to be such. A worthy precedent whereof is to be found in David's rule, 
Psalm. 101.  Psalm. 101. which for his household government he proposed unto himself, vowing unto God, not only himself to walk in the midst of his house (that is) before all his family) with an upright heart, but that, slanderers, liars, 
A singular precedent for householders.  scorners and such deceitful persons, should not dwell in his house; yea, he would purge his house betimes (as one of the first works that he would take in hand) to thrust out all the workers of iniquity from the city of the Lord. And then, whom would he plant about him? even such as were near Cornelius, 
Act. 10.7. Psalm. 101.6.  such as feared God, even (as David calleth them) the faithful of the land, they should dwell with him, who so walked in a perfect way he should serve him. A worthy commendation it was unto that Roman Captain that he feared God with all his household, that is, he kept none that outwardly submitted not himself unto the comely order of his family; none that was to be attainted with open crimes, such as the most men's servants are, and especially Gentlemen and great personages, 
In greatest houses most disorder.  as i● they had bidden battle and defiance unto religion and religious order, retaining (in stead thereof) and maintaining withal, all ruffian and swaggering persons, wanton, and beastly swine, such as may loath an honest mind to come in company withal; such families are not Churches but sties for swine; not congregations of Saints, but kennels for snarling dogs; yea, even very hellhounds, for any manner nurture or true godliness, that is to be found amongst them. What will these do when they shall come to account unto God for their families? 
Account for families, which we think not of.  or do they not believe that they shall account for them? They, that know any thing, as they should know, by the rule of God's word, do account it a great burden to take charge of a flock, and to be Pastor of a Church; and is not a family then a great charge that is called a Church? We will say in an English proverb, 
A proverb.  that there belongeth more to a marriage then two pair of bare legs; so we say further, that there belongeth more to a family than Governors, servants, household stuff, and provision: there must be laws and discipline, order and instruction, a watchman and overseers, that all may walk upright; that God being served, he may serve us, and his name being daily blessed, he may bless us again, and power a blessing upon our labours, which we take in hand.  
here-hence then (my worthy, and worshipful friends) let me deduce, for your use, and remembrance these few, and joint duties to you and your blessed yoke-fellow, to practise towards the lord Remember the words of David before rehearsed; how timely he would take in hand the religious ordering & planting of his house. Forget not the words of our Saviour Christ, who counseleth you (and all that regard him for their Lord and Saviour) first, 
Matth. 6.33.  to seek the kingdom of heaven and the righteousness thereof, and then (as it were without your care) all other things should be ministered unto you. Let your government and house, first entertain Christ jesus (who never cometh empty handed, 
Christ never cometh empty handed. Prou. 8.18.  but furnished with all grace and riches; even durable riches (as Solomon calleth it) that is, the knowledge, the service and the true care of religious duties. Let God be above all things honoured in and of yourselves, for example sake, yea, for conscience sake, then of all, and every servant, men and maids, the chiefest, the basest, see that they be not profane persons as Esau was, 
Heb. 12.16.  who for a mess of pottage sold his birthright, that is, such as more esteem a mess of pottage, or a vain toy, than the fear of the Lord, or to be taught any goodness, or reproved to leave any evil. Keep not that servant who being attainted with any the aforesaid crimes, of swearing, uncleanness, 
Mat. 18.15.16.  drunkenness or riot, and shall be admonished and convicted thereof, according unto due order of reproving, which leaveth not his sin, and feareth not to sin, through contempt of order. That God, who commanded Abraham to cast out Ishmael for his scoffing at Isaac, 
Gen. 21.  commandeth you (and all Masters) to cast out the brood of Ishmael, (that is) all contemners, and resisters of religion. 
1. Cor. 5.6.7.  They are the leaven, yea the very bane and poison, (let me speak yet a little further,) a most grievous plague and leprosy, unto any godly and honest family. 
Evil servants are ever more offensive unto the godly.  Such do not only vex the godly, if any be in it, but keep away the godly, that would come unto it. Let not therefore your family want necessary Laws and penalties for offenders, whereby you may repress sin, and be the means, if not of saving such, as otherwise would perish in sin, and ignorance of God, yet, at the least, of lessening their torments in hell, by restraining the measure of their sin, according to which shall every soul be tormented.  
For want of godly discipline, how do serants, even in the families of religious Governors, offend, (may I not say abound?) in swearing scorning, & most vile behaviour? I would I knew it not to be too true, in too many places of very religious account. Whose is the fault? verily the Governors: and they shall bear the sin of such offenders. You will say, they command against swearing, and forbidden their servants; and they are taught the contrary, neither take they their example from the Governors. All this is well; but all this is not large enough for excuse. I would to God all families had this to glory of, the easier would be the reformation of the residue.  
All this while there is no mention of penal statutes, domestical mulctes or punishments, corporal or pecuniary, with chosen and appointed watchmen and overseers, for the oversight of the family, and to wait upon the behaviour, and observe the conversation of the servants; sober, wise, and trusty servants, to whom authority, credit, and countenance may be given to discharge this duty throughout the families. You will say, this were enough for a whole congregation. I answer, very true. And why not for every honourable, worshipful, and populous family which the Scriptures do account, 
Rom. 16.5.  and call a Church? If it be a Church, why should it not have the laws and discipline of a Church? Indeed if it were so, sin must needs be constrained to flee to the land of Shinar, Babylon, or confusion, and would be ashamed to show her head. 
A reason why private families do want good laws.  Why then you will say, is it not so? Oh, we are ashamed of the Gospel: we fear to be evil spoken of, or that we shall not get servants to do our work and business. Such pretences are coined in the world, and we think them very reasonable: but alas they are too narrow a covering to cloak or hide our false hearted love to Christ, our coldness in religion, and our distrust in God. Surely I think it would thrust out Hagar and Ishmael with bottle and bag, (the bondwoman and her son) swaggerers, roisters, and ruffian like servants, with such lewd and profane blasphemers, 
Act. 1.25.  as are more fit for hell (their own inheritance, without repentance) then for godly families, which have the name for religion. And as for the service of such men, I cannot see how it should be blessed, but accursed rather; nor how we should doubt the having of religious servants, if we ourselves (the governors) do truly love religion, and would indeed have such, or none at all. But whiles we have such linsey-wolsey mixtures, 
Deut. 22.10.  an Ox & an Ass to draw together, one good and five evil, one that abhorreth an oath, and half a dozen for one that shall make no bones of an oath, nay shall (it may be) swear in contempt of such a one, is it any marvel, though we cannot find good servants? if our houses were reform (as they ought to be) like God's house, and that Christ his government did bear sway therein, we should not need lay wait for such servants, they would inquire for us, and sue to be received as into the Ark of No? All this may be performed where there is not a Pastor or teacher resident in the famile; but if there be no Pastor in the public congregation, you can by no means (well) want one in your family. You will say, that is a great charge. I answer: nothing to the danger of the want of one. You know it is God's ordinance to have his word preached, and your family instructed, as hath been said, & none so fit and meet as by a godly Teacher. If you stick at the charge, than withal consider whether you bestow not as much, (if not oftentimes more) upon more unnecessary expenses; as upon vain apparel, upon hawks hounds, superfluous or sumptuous building, great housekeeping, and such like. I speak not of playing or wicked gaming (because I exhort a Christian Gentleman:) if you do any of the former and want a Teacher, you set the cart before the horse, and take the wrong course to thrive. If you reply, and say, those aforesaid expenses must needs be; I demand, before the means of salvation? What? Hawks, or Hounds, or dostly apparel, or dainty fare, before the preaching of God's word, his worship and service? Is it time (saith Haggaie) for yourselves to dwell in seeled houses, 
Hag. 1.4. job. 31.11.12.  and this House lie waste? As job saith; this were a wickedness and iniquity to be condemned: yea, (saith he) this would be a fire that should devour to destruction, and root out all his increase. For which, how God's wrath came upon that people; is in that chapter at large declared: the judgements of God fell on them, in their eating and drinking, and clothing, and earnings, 
Vers. 6.9.10.  [they put their wages into a broken bag]. If yet you say, many neglecting this religious care you speak of, do yet thrive and prosper; I answer, and many do not: which doubtless is God's curse upon them. But, be they religious persons or governors, I say, the greater is God's mercy, so to spare them in so manifest an offence against so holy a duty: if they be others, (void of religion) it is not to be respected; whose thriving is not a token of God's love unto them, when they want grace to serve him rightly; and the more they thrive, & yet rightly serve him not, the greater will be their judgement, and condemnation. Let that be no precedent to you, against the plain evidence of the word of God, against which if a miracle, 
Deut. 13.1.2.3.4.5.  sign, or wonder may not prevail, (which sometimes to prove men, God hath permitted and suffered) much less may the thriving of wicked men prevail in such a case, upon whom (if we will read the Scriptures) we shall see, God poureth his benefits, and filleth their bellies (as David saith) with his hid treasures, 
Psalm. 17.14.  much more than on the Godly, yea they have no changes in their prosperous estate, 
Psalm. 55.19.  when the godly are afflicted and chastened every morning, in body, goods, and good name. Therefore this is a slender stumbling block, and not worthy to be stuck at. 
The charge of a Teacher countervailed.  The charge therefore of a reverend and painful Teacher (if any way your state will bear it) doth bring his burden of blessings other ways (if God be not unrighteous) and till that charge be defrayed, certainly all our pleasures, profits, and delights in whatsoever before named or may be added unto it, are accursed in the use thereof, except we be under the public ministery (as I said before): for as in those indifferent blessings (for so I may lawfully call them in a sober use of them,) there is some honest delight for gentle & noble minds, so (yet) till the worship of God be provided for, they are utterly unlawful.  
If that be therefore granted, that to have a Teacher be needful, the expense no heavy burden, but unwillingly endured; then, as my next counsel, see that your Teacher have his due regard in his place and calling; 
Teacher's must have their due regard in the family.  that is, see that he have meet reverence with authority, both from yourselves and all others in the family. For if he be not regarded, how shall his word, his exhortation, or reproof take place unto God's glory? The Lord requireth for his works sake, 
1. Thes. 5.12.13. 1. Tim. 5.17. Heb. 13.17.  that such be had in singular reverence, in double honour, obeyed and submitted unto. All which is not as to his person, but to his office and function: not to him, but to Christ, whose word, person, and authority he sustaineth. The contempt of whom is likewise, not to him but to the Lord your Redeemer. When therefore in your family, every base person shall set him at nought, or being reproved by him for any evil, shall scornfully resist, or reject his counsel, what can this grow unto, but an hardening of them in their evils, and a discomfort unto the Teacher to do his duty? Rightly to esteem God's servant, as the honour of his place & calling doth require, must come from singular grace and knowledge of God's ordinance, and is not the weakest testimony of a religious heart. Thus whiles you provide for the true honour of your God (
Matth. 6.33.  as they that first seek for the kingdom of GOD and his righteousness) you sow unto your own honour, for that they which honour God shall be honoured of God, 
1. Sam. 2.30.  his own mouth hath witnessed it. Yea, in sowing thus to godliness, 
Gal. 6.7.8.  what fruit in your season may you look to reap, but that which is promised unto godliness? which is, not only the immortality of the life to come (which is of faith) but also Gods blessings in this present life, which is in sight. Come children (saith the Prophet) hearken unto me, 
Psalm. 34.11.  and I will teach you the fear of the Lord. What man is he that desireth life and would feign see good? Keep thy tongue from evil and thy lips that they speak no guile, ●s●hew evil and do good, seek peace and follow after it: 
Vers. 17.  For (saith he) the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their cry. Whereas on the contrary side, what a foundation o● an unhappy life, is in the contemners and neglecters of religion? may they think to prosper? the Prophet saith the contrary, 
Vers. 16.  that the countenance of the Lord is against such as fear not God, to root out their memorial from off the earth. 
The prosperity of the wicked is accursed.  Or admit they were outwardly blessed, what is their prosperity, but accursed unto them, their table made a snare, and the things that should be for their advantage, an occasion of falling? This shall suffice for the first point to direct you unto religion and religious government; and as the first step and beginning of assured happiness; 
Religion the salt of true happiness. Tit. 1.15.  which (also) seasoneth (as with salt) all other circumstances of this life's happiness; for, if only to the pure all things are pure, and only they that so religiously live and govern (according to God's word) are of God accounted pure, 
Matth. 5.8.  and the pure only blessed (as the mouth of all truth hath pronounced it:) and that on the contrary, to them that are defiled and unbelieving is nothing pure, but even their minds and consciences are defiled, then must it needs follow, that only the religious enjoy the blessings of God aright, 
The unregenerate are but usurpers upon the gifts of God.  both of pleasure and necessity, all others being but usurpers upon the gifts of God.  
And admit, that for all this religious care, you shall suffer some reproach, 
Reproach for Religion.  (as very assuredly it will follow from Satan & his imps:) what of this? Yet is this direction God's simple truth, & the high way unto happiness. Yea, it is therefore the more undoubted truth, for that the way of truth must be evil spoken of, 
2. Pet. 2.2. 2. Tim. 2.12. The Cross the shadow of the truth.  neither can the cross be avoided, as the shadow of the truth. For which, if you shall be discouraged, you will prove unworthy of Christ's glory, neither can you reign as a partaker in happiness, 
Rom. 3.17.  except you suffer in this life, as a man most unhappy. If you deny God; 
Gen. 17.1.  he will deny you; if you walk with him, and be upright, he will be to you God all-sufficient: If you rule for God, and according to his word, then shall you rule with God, and sit upon his throne of eternal glo●i●. Now what is the rule, that you must rule by? Is it the example of men, mighty, or multitude? No, by no means; for that is the certain rule to err by. I thank thee (O Father) saith our Saviour Christ, 
Matth. 11.  Lord of heaven and earth, that thou hast hid these things from the prudent and wise, & hast revealed them to babes and sucklings. And S. Paul saith, 
1. Cor. 1.26.27.  that the calling and state of true Christianity, is not composed of the Noble, learned, rich, or mighty of the world, but God's choice is quite against the reason of man, as to take foolish things to confound wise (which through God it shall do easily) and weak things to confounded mighty, & vile things of the world, and things that are despised, & things which are not, to bring to nought, 
God's manner of working.  things that are. This is God's kind of working; and except you consider it both well and easily, you shall stumble at it and be offended.  
The rule that you must level by (both concerning yourself and others that shall be your charge) is the most blessed word of God; a young man's rule; 
Psalm. 119.  an old man's rule; every man's rule: The Prince must rule by it, the subject obey by it: the husband must govern his wife by it; the wife must yield her subjection thereby as it prescribeth. In it there is for every condition, state and degree, most perfect instruction, to be taught and learned: then must you be diligent, herein: 
Psalm. 1.2. & 119.55.62.148.  day and night did David study therein, whence his wisdom came. If you take little pains in it, you must look but for little wisdom by it; 
We must believe God's promises for encouragement unto our duties.  you must not look to reap that you do not sow; nor think to sow in vain, where God saith you shall reap. If you spend more time in pleasure and vanity, you must look for your great fruit and gain in vanity. If you love and delight more in worldly things then in spiritual, you must count upon the reward accordingly. It is not possible to be attained, the pleasure and glory of this life, and the kingdom of heaven: 
Luk. 16.19.  The story of Dives & Lazarus will teach you that most plainly: Dives had here his pleasure, and Lazarus his pain; but Dives for his pleasure exchanged torments, and Lazarus his afflictions were turned into heavens joys. The state of godliness is to suffer: 
Gal. 6.14.  the state of Christianity, is to be crucified with Christ, 
Matth. 16.24  the members must be like their head; and he that will be Christ's disciple must forsake himself, take up the cross and follow Christ.  
And albeit I said before, that the wise, noble, rich, and mighty, were not to be your rule, (because God's word doth only challenge that peculiar honour) yet said I not, that amongst these degrees, you should find no examples to behold and imitate. 
1. Cor. 1.  When Saint Paul therefore said, Not many noble, not many wise, etc. he did not say none of these degrees, as none of the Nobles, wise and learned of the world, are called and stand for Christ; but not many of these. Some therefore both have been, and in all ages shall be called, that for nobility shall equal any; and for riches any; and for learning join with any, and yet truly profess Christ jesus. Some about Herod▪ 
Luk 8.3. Phli. 4.22. Act. 17.11.  as his steward's wife: some in Nero's family; some Nobles of Berea; some pharisees, some Counsellors, 
Matth. 27.57.  joseph of Arimathea, a good man and a just, with Nicodemus and others; but all these did submit their wisdoms, nobility, and learning unto the sceptre of jesus Christ, and were content to be taught by him, what true wisdom is; 
Phil. 3.8.  and Paul desired to know nothing but Christ crucified, 
Gal. 6.14.  wishing God to forbid that he should rejoice in any thing but in Christ jesus crucified, by whom the world decayed to him, and he unto the world. What shall I say unto that cloud of witnesses, Ab●●ham, Isaac, 
Heb. 11.  jacob, Moses and the rest, that are mustered in that chapter? 
Chap. 12.2.  all which endured with Christ the cross and despised the world's shame, for their religious, upright, and most holy life, 
Chap. 11.38.  being persecuted and hated, of whom (yet) the world was not worthy; and whom (though we now honour) yet did the men of their time most grievously hate and disdain, as they do any of the godly in this present age. Insomuch, that though many who now speak evil of the way of truth and the sincere profession of the Gospel, would say with the pharisees, 
Matth. 23.30.  that if they had lived in their days they would not have been partners with them in their blood, nor joined with their persecutors in their reproachful doings: yet, if the case were so, and that they might now live again amongst them to reprove their wicked ways, and do contrary to their doings; they would no more spare them, than the godly present. Else, why do they so ill entreat them, that follow their blessed steps? Or for what is it, that they that live godly, are so reproached, but for their precise care unto the duties of godliness? Demand what is the cause they are reproached, and branded with terms of (suppposed) disgrace? why? forsooth there is nothing (saith the profane scoffer) but preaching and praying and godliness that they account of. If you come in their company, beware how you swear an oath: for if you do, you shall be sure to hear of it, before your word be cold. They forsooth will neither sit down to meat, nor rise from table, but they must have grace, or it is worth nothing. And they will allow nothing to be done upon the Sunday, (which they call the Lords day, and they say, it is the Scripture name,) but what must be for necessity, nor that neither if they could choose. They live not like other Gentlemen, which yet keep as good houses, as they do; yea, with good sport at Christmas, with piping and dancing, and carding, 
The world's mirth.  and other Christmas gambols, that men may be merry when they come: with them there is no such good fellowship nor merriments, but all sadness, and scripture-talke, singing of Psalms, and reading of chapters, out of S. Paul and S. Peter, and I know not whence, nor what to make of such a life, which was not seen in our forefather's days till they came up; enough to make one both weary and mad (I think) that is not used unto it.  
Lo here this is the reproach of religion, and the cause thereof. That if you wilt not run with the world into the madness, 
1. Pet. 4.4.  and profane course thereof, neither be carnally minded with them, nor follow, nor fashion yourself in all vanity like unto them, you are straightway mad and melancholy; and (as Peter saith) therefore speak they evil, yea (as our Saviour saith) all manner of evil falsely and unjustly; and that for the things which God highly commandeth us, 
Disgrace for the things God most commandeth.  men shall be in most disgrace with worldly men. But as S. Peter further saith, they shall give their acccounts for such ungodly speaking, to him that is ready to judge both the quick and dead at his next appearing. This therefore must in no wise discourage you, or either of you, out as you have those worthy lights, of both patriarchs, Prophets, and apostles, yea, of Christ jesus himself, the chief corner stone, with all his godly train the hundred forty four thousand that stand with him upon Mount Zion, 
Revel. 14.1.  
Psalm. 123.3.  who have suffered (as David saith) too much contempt, (as before was said:) So might I (with the Apostle) 
2. Tim. 1.5.  refer you to the example of your most worthy and worshipful Parents (as S. Paul quickeneth Timothy, with Lois and Eunice, his mother and grandemother) who, in these very same reproaches, have honoured and served the Lord before you. If therefore the actions of our Ancestors do so much delight us, and are such a spur to incite and quicken us in common virtues, how much more to embrace godliness and holy government? And if the parents of our earthly bodies shall prevail so with us, how much rather the Parents of our eternal happiness, even the father of Spirits (
Heb. 12.9.  as the Apostle saith) should he prevail in his example of holiness, 
1. Pet. 1. Matth. 5.48.  who thus saith, Be ye holy, as I am holy: Be ye perfect, as your heavenly father is perfect? And if (saith Peter) ye call him father, 
1. Pet. 1.17.  who without respect of persons judgeth according to every man's works, pass the time of your dwelling here in fear. All which, I have the more specially observed and touched, 
A stumbling block removed.  that I might remove a stumbling block out of your way. For that many, who do approve the best things, have yet no courage at all to practise them, because of the cross; professing (in a sort) they know the truth, but do (indeed) deny the power thereof. 
Tit. 1.16. The power of profession is in practice.  Which power standeth not in knowledge alone, but in special and daily practice, with obedience to the truth. And much more easy will it be for such as do not know the will of God, and therefore do not obey his will, then for such as know, and do it not; many stripes belong unto them, as our Saviour saith. Whereunto I mean not, but to point with my finger (as it were) that you may be armed to resist such spiritual cowardliness in the profession of jesus Christ his truth, if for your godly life, 
Spiritual cowardliness.  and religious government, you shall bear reproach: rejoice and be glad thereof, and lay it upon your shoulder (as job did, 
Matth. 5.11.12. job. 31.35.36.  or would have done his adversaries book) and it shall become your crown of glory in the day of your account.  
To proceed therefore (and yet briefly withal to go thorough the sum of this my slender purpose) this is (but yet) the foundation of present and future happiness. There must be f●rther building in the work and government of a family. 
Simile.  For as the sweetness of music consisteth in the orderly consent and tuning of the strings, without which be he never so skilful that playeth, the instrument never so good, the strings never so true, there will be no sound of music: even so, if the strings and members of a family be set in tune, every string in his due and proper place, every string in his place keeping his note and height, 
Psalm. 133.  than (as David saith) is there that comeliness, goodness, and well agreement, which he resembled to Hermons pleasant and precious dews, 
Vers. 2.3.  with that most sweet and sacred savour, which from the Priestly anointing of Aaron did arise and smell. To this (naturally) we are not (by birth) apt; no more than the strings of an instrument will of their own nature without art or skill, fall into tune. Nay, by nature, we are perverters of all good order, and mean●● of good consent. Would subjects be under one head or government, if fear or grace did not compel them? hath not nature showed her rebellion in children against their parents? Let only Absalon's story be remembered. 
2. Sam. 15.  Hath not families been subverted, troubled and disordered by husbands ruling wickedly, or the wives rebelling disobediently? 
Gen. 4.23.  Let Lamech be an instance for the husband's fault, 
Gen. 3.  and Eva for the wife. Whereupon most justly they were put under tribute, and must not be permitted to usurp authority. 
1. Tim. 2 22.  I need insist in no other degrees and societies (as I might, between the Pastor and his flock, (between whom and them whiles the people are as they that reform the Priest (as Hoseas saith) 
Hos. 4.4.  and will not follow him, instructing and ruling them from the Lord, how can there be harmony without confusion to the people to be lulled in their sins?) It is sufficient that we have examples for my present purpose. If therefore it be not from nature but from grace, and (as before was declared) God's word do contain instruction for all degrees and societies of men, who can be exempted, or dispensed with to neglect that rule that desireth a quiet and godly life, or would be held guiltless of contrary cause?  

A family like to a commonwealth.  A family may be compared unto a commonwealth: wherein, there are divers societies and degrees, reciprocally relating, and mutually depending one upon another. The highest degree or society is between the husband and the wife; 
Simile.  and this is as the first wheel of a clock, that turneth about all the rest in order. The next society, is between the Parents and the children. The third between the servants one with another, and towards all other superiors in the family. 
Three societies of a family.  Into these three societies may a family be disposed. As touching the first and principal society (wherein also principally I purpose to insist) which is between yourself and your loving Hind or Roe, whom many a time I have blessed and shall bless (by God's grace) unto your use and comfort) give me leave, (as one that can speak by the surest learning) to power forth my mind mutually to you both; who can tell you, that the Canker unto happiness, and danger of confusion to a family, is the contention and disagreement of man and wife.  
You will say, 
The means to avoid contention in a family easy.  how may this be avoided? I answer, very easily, if in time true regard be had unto mutual duty, without which there can be no comfort, nor that blessing of happiness which before we spoke of. Nay, (which is more,) to have the blessing of God, which is the foundation and cause of all happiness. 
God's ordinance must be preferred before unmeet conditions of peace.  It standeth not in what man and wife shall conclude upon, that there may be peace & quietness, but what order God hath prescribed them, to be obeyed in their places: so that they must look unto God's wisdom, order, & polity for economical government, and not what may seem right and good in their own eyes. And that, 
Deut. 22.5.  if the man may not wear woman's apparel, nor the woman man's, how much less may the one usurp the others dignity, or the other (to wit the husband) resign or give over his sovereignty unto his wife? but each must keep their place, their order, and heavenly polity, whereto God hath called them. The husband is made the head, 
The husband the head, the wife the body. 1. Cor. 11.3.  and the wife resembled to the body: May the head of a body (natural) be turned downward? can the whole person so continue, & live well in that state? how unseemly is it? no more can the body politic be in peaceable or blessed condition, if order be inverted. A most monstrous thing it was that the Prophet Esay complained of when he said, 
Isay 3.12.  Children are extortioners of my people, and women rule over them. You will say the Prophet speaketh of another case: I know it well: yet doth it (and very well may it) serve, 
Which is, when men being effeminate, are led (as was Ahab, and such like) to provoke the Lord.  in any case that is contrary to God's word to show deformity; but in his right case most notoriously.  
You will say, shall the wife have no government? shall she do nothing but be idle in the family? I answer, my words yet tend unto no such thing. Then, why was she taken for a yoke-fellow? why is her help required, 
Gen. 2.18.  and she called an helper? Nay, I will say more, a glorious spectacle it may be, where the wife hath the whole government. But with these cautions: that is, where the wife manageth household affairs, providently foreseeing, carefully disposing, and religiously governing to the honour of her husband. 
Prou. 31.31.  Else would not Solomon have said (in the description of a virtuous wife) Give her the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates. Having before so notably set forth the qualities of a virtuous wife: First of her grace and obedient faithfulness, she will do him good (saith Solomon) though I know the words of his mother Bathsheba) and not evil all the days of her life; 
Vers. 12.  no marvel though he said, 
Vers. 10.  her price was above the pearls: (mark ye wives the pattern of a wife; and ye husbands (that are to choose) learn ye to choose a wife:) she will do him good; [good] shall be the object and subject of her labour; so (you will say) will many; 
A perfect good.  but (saith he) she will do him good, and not evil, that is, good without intermixing it with evil, good wholly; good absolutely, good and no evil with it, to distain or corrupt it. Michol did some good when she conveyed away David, 
1. Sam. 19.12.  when the house was beset, and his life in hazard; 
2. Sam. 6.20.  but how ill beseeming was her evil scoffing at him, when his zeal in God's cause did abound and show itself? Many there are that will do good unto their husbands, 
Many causes why women may do good unto their husbands, and yet miss the right cause.  for divers causes, nature will enforce, self unity and joint partaking in condition, constrain; desert procure and evince; and many others. But to do such good, so soundly, so carefully, and that all the life long, as shall be void of evil, how rare is such a wife? Surely, in comparison of the multitude of contraries, (whereof some will do but little good for much evil; and some all evil and no good, such as Solomon describeth in his Proverbs, 
Prou. 12.4.  which by dishonouring of her husband becometh corruption to his bones) I say in comparison of the multitude of such ungodly and foolish wives which neither do good to their husbands nor to themselves, such virtuous ones may be said to be rare & scarce: yet otherwise I could point unto some virtuous patterns (by conjunction near unto you; and the taste whereof, if nature diverte not, or grace (rather) fail not, you may find in due time,) in whom shall shine a gracious measure of this heavenly virtue. But if by description of quality you would have me rather speak, and for modesty to insist, ask me where she is, or who may be found to be such a wife: I will make this answer, she that endeavoureth (as in that aforesaid description Solomon purtayeth it) she that laboureth in her place for her husband's quiet, for his health, for his credit, for his wealth, for his happiness in his estate more than for herself, and counteth his in all those respects her own: this is she, that doth her husband good, 
The wives will and desire to do her husband good and not evil, is her perfection.  and not evil; if withal she abide herein all the days of her life. It is indeed the will, endeavour, and faithful practice, that is this perfection, (for other, in any of our duties either towards God, or man, cannot be attained unto) which here is spoken of: whereunto whosoever she be that endeavoureth, is that virtuous wife.  
Which point (to return again) being positively (as a foundation) set down by Solomon, he formeth the rest, her labour how painful, her skill how excellent, her wisdom how incomparable, her religion how sincere; She openeth her mouth with wisdom, 
Vers. 26.  and the Law of grace is in her tongue; She overseeth the way of her household, (Lo her government.) & eateth not the bread of Idleness: her children rise up, 
Vers. 28. Vers. 29.  and call her blessed; her husband also shall praise her, saying, many daughters have done virtuously, but thou surmountest them all, etc. So that it was not for nought, that before I said it might be a glorious spectacle, to see the wife sustain the household government and to manage the affairs pertaining thereunto. Where I meant not every wife, the foolish and unprofitable wife, the corruption of her husband's bones and dishonour of his life, 
judg. 14.18.  which becometh an heifer for his adversaries and the vile to plough withal; but (as I said) with respect of these cautions: 1. That the wife be fit for the government she undertaketh. 2. Being never so fit, with the consent and reference of her husband's will, taking all her light (as the Moon is said from the Sun, so she) from her husband, for government and authority, 
The wife the husband's lieutenant.  as his Lieutenant under him; and so wisely disposing all to his honour accordingly. In such a case, 
The wife governing well becometh an honour unto the husband.  how great an honour is the wives godly government unto the husband? whiles he as king to command, yet with love as an husband, shall go in and out, in the midst of his family? not fearing spoil, whether he be at home or abroad; nor needing unlawful spoils to maintain his state. As also, how honourable a service is it in the wife, to depend upon his beck? to advise with her head? to lean upon his breast? and yet to have the authority to do what she will? that is, whilst her will is honest, lawful, and to her husband's good, as hath been spoken of.  
Can this be counted slavery, or servile subjection? must there not be in some subjection? Can all (in a nation be kings? Can all in a family be fathers? can all be wives? can all be every thing? If the whole body (saith the Apostle) were an ●ie, 
1. Cor. 12.17.  where were the hearing? or if all were the ear, where were the smelling? If therefore in a kingdom, or family, there must of necessity be these degrees, and that we see men so subject to Princes, that they contentedly delight therein, and neither count it slavishnes, nor affect above their state (though some wicked do otherwise) should not the wife look unto the hand of God, 
The wife must consider that it is God, who hath assigned her unto her subjection.  which made her the wife, and not the husband, the weaker vessel, and not the stronger? the body, and not the head? to obey, and not to rule? that is, not to rule without obedience. To grudge hereat, is not against the husband, but against God withal: to govern otherwise, is not to rule, but to usurp. Therefore, the Apostle said not, the wife shall not rule, but he said: 
1. Tim. 2.12.  I permit not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man. That is (as under correction I take it) without the husbands consent, will, and approbation; neither constrained by her shrewdness, but referred for cause (voluntarily) to exercise the rule and government of the family. And this is that I said, or meant before, which communicablie the husband may not dispose to the wife, though he translate the government of things; namely, the honour of Headship, to alter, order and direct, as in wisdom he seethe cause: which glory must still shine in his face, as he liveth in his family, and not in hers in his presence; he must still be seen to be the head and husband, and she may not bear it; which were most uncomely, yea, her very shame and dishonour, if she weigh it rightly.  
Now contrary to all this, one evil sickness I have observed in the experience of my days, 
An evil observed amongst men and their wives.  (to speak according to the phrase of Solomon) which I find not the offenders therein carefully to prevent, though it be the confusion of marriage happiness: namely, where the husband and the wife are at odds, which of them shall first begin to perform their duty, that is, 
A law point between man and wife.  whether the husbands love be the foundation of the wives obedience; or the wives obedience of the husband's love. The wife will say, Let mine husband love me as he should, and I will obey him as I ought. The busband he saith, Let her do her duty, and I will love and maintain her. Thus they stand at staves end, both of them agreeing in general, that joint duty is to be performed of both, but neither at agreement which shall begin.  
Surely, as in all duties, the Apostles counsel is, 
Rom. 12.10.  that in giving honour one should go before another, that is, every member should strive to give each other the chiefest honour (a note of true love, and singular humility:) so could I wish that it might never grow to question of law between man and wife whose is the duty (for foundation) to begin the work of household government, but for them rather to strive, 
What should be, not what is.  who should be most careful of each others good. The husband (in needful service) should not need to say, Good wife help me herein (I mean in things evident unto her) but the wife should prevent him with, Good husband let me do it for you. Neither the wife to say (in like case) I pray husband do this for me; but he rather to take care to prevent her desire. 
1. Cor. 7.23.24  Else what meaneth the Apostle by those words, which of this estate he uttereth; The wife careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband? And again: The husband careth for the things of this world, how he may please his wife. Thus they should not strive, unless it were to give honour (as was said) and to do service, and by love to prevent each other, in that which love should further one another in, to the benefit of the whole, and honour of the Lord. And surely where true love reigneth indeed, and not a counterfeit show of love; or where (in faithful love,) either of them are truly careful of each others good, they shall not need to sue each other at the law for their right, or complain they have wrong; but as Abraham said to Lot: 
Gen. 13.8.9.  Let there be no strife (I pray thee) between thee and me, etc. But if thou wilt take the left hand, than I will go to the right; or if thou wilt go to the right, I will take the left: so quietly would they compound, nay make no question thereof.  
But if there be such, 
The remedy of the foresaid evil sickness.  as cannot end this controversy without the Law, (as no question there be of both, unreasonable men and women) men that will rule (like Lamech) tyrannously, and women that will live contentiously, to whom the wives will say: If my husband will love me I will obey him; and such men say, If my wife will serve me, I will be benevolent: then this I must say, 
A doom against the wife that contendeth.  The wrong and burden will light upon the woman's back. By wrong I mean not injustice, but as we say in our proverb, the wrong end of the staff will be her part; that is, it is in vain (in this case) for the wife to strive with the husband, which is, the weaker with the stronger; the horse (pardon me good wives to use so base a similitude) the horse (I say) with him that hath the bridle and is able to sit fast.  
Concerning which point, if women will bring their case to the Law of God's word (which either must rule them here, or else will rule and judge them, most fearfully elsewhere) they shall find, 
Reasons why the husband ought to be superior, and the wife to obey first. 1. Tim. 2.13.  first the man to have the prerogative by these circumstances: 1. By being called the head, she the body. 2. The man to be first created, and so perfect (touching creation) without her; though in regard of fellowship, and procreation (as the Apostle saith) Neither is the man without the woman, nor the woman without the man in the Lord: and therefore he saith, that the man was not made for the woman, but the woman for the man. 
The punishment of Adam and Eve for sin.  3. As the woman, (being the weaker vessel) was deceived by the devil, and so deceived man; so God (calling them both before his judgement seat) arraigned, 
Gen. 3.  accused, and condemned both of them, for their fault and sin: 
Vers. 17.  The man (for his looseness of government in obeying his wife) was condemned (not to lose his government, but) to labour and pain, to travail with pain for food and maintenance: The woman, besides her peculiar pains joined with his general, 
1. Tim. 2.15.  (wherein yet, being patiented, she serveth God, as an excellent instrument and handmaid, to store and fulfil his kingdom) I say, besides these joint or peculiar pains (as to the principal instrumental cause of Adam's misery, for that she did that, which Satan otherwise could not have done without her) the Lord over and above condemneth her (for tribute) of all obedience to her husband, 
The wives tribute to the husband. Vers. 16.  saying: Thy desire shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee: which words, being so plain and evident, need no exposition in the world, neither need I to confirm it with many testimonies, which abound in the Scriptures to this effect and purpose. 
The sentence must needs be just and good when God is the judge.  So that the Lord (not man) decideth this controversy, and subjecteth the wife, both in desire and will unto her husband, telling them, who shall begin, who shall lay the foundation, and how the work and building shall arise thereon. Thus, and thus (saith God) it shall be; both desire [to have] even desire of good things, and of all things; and will, [or power] to do or undertake aught, both these (saith God) shall be subject to thine husband, and he shall rule over thee.  
Hearken now (my dear friend) here, unto the judgement of the Lord, though I trust I shall have little cause to speak peculiarly unto you; yea, (to avoid offence) hearken all ye wives, (or maidens that may be wives) especially you that fear the Lord, and do take his word to be your guide, 
Necessary things to be known for the quiet of married persons.  if you do desire the happy life of Matrimony, behold your condition, know your place and station, and who hath subjecteth you. If will and desire be taken from you (touching rule and government) what is left you to use of your own authority? If therefore you will contend at law about superiority, you are bid lay down your interest, for God hath disposed it unto your husbands, not so much as to desire any thing or do any thing (as of yourselves) but is made tributary unto your husbands. 
The shrewd wife saith this is hard.  And from hence (I take it) it came, 
Prou. 19.13. Contention properly ascribed to the wife by Solomon.  that Solomon spoke so much, and that so bitterly about the contentions of the wife, calling them (as by a proper name) the Contentions of the wife; and her the contentious person, if there be any strife, between her and her husband. Who, although he spoke of divers wicked men, and of divers imperfections of men; yet never (speaking of the husband) doth he call it, the husband's contention, but the contention of the wife, 
Prou. 27.15.  comparing her and her contentions to the dropping of an house or gutter: noting thereby the poor husband's misery that is so matched with a contentious wife, 
The poor husband's misery.  as if he stood continually under the dropping of an house: as also noting her dishonour thereby, where he saith, that He which hideth her (or would seem to cover such infirmities) hideth the wind: 
Vers. 16.  that is, is like him that would go about that, that were impossible; and she is (saith he) as the oil in his right hand that uttereth itself: 
Vers. 16.  which cannot be concealed, though he would never so feign. Hear the very text; 
Pro. 27.15.16.  A continual dropping in the day of rain, and a contentious woman are alike. He that hideth her, hideth the wind, and she is as the oil in his right hand, that uttereth itself. In another place thus he hath it; A foolish son, 
Prou. 19.13.  is the calamity of the father: and the contentions of the wife, are like a continual dropping, etc.  
To this you will object and Object. 1 say: May not the wife contend for lawful and good things? May the wife do nothing, but the husband may deny her? To these two questions thus I answer: Answ. (I call them two, because they are divers and distinct.) First, undoubtedly, 
The wife may not contend by any means. What contending is.  she must not contend, no not for good things, that is, understanding by contending that brawling, bickering, and vexing disposition, whereby, as it were, she will seem to wrestell and wage war, for that which is wanting, through which, either she constraineth his patience, offendeth his love, breaketh quiet peace, or resisteth his authority.  
Admit (you will say) it be for most necessary duties, as for good government in the family, for prayer to be performed, for restraint of evil exercises, or entertainment of godly friends, may she not strive for these things? I answer, 
The wife may use persuasion, but not contention.  for these she may entreat; for these she may wisely speak and counsel; for the reformation of these amiss, she may move friends to persuade: but to fall out, to brawl, to lower, to be sullen and fret, or, (which is a degree worse (as it is a note above Ela) to scold and speak presumptuously, 
A note above Ela.  this is beyond her place, it is intolerable contention. The contrary to which, is contained under those words of the virtuous wives expressed duty: 
Prou. 31.26.  She openeth her mouth with wisdom, and the Law of grace, is in her tongue. To open her mouth with wisdom, is not to brawl, but to entreat her husband for things amiss to be redressed: and how contrary is scolding & contentious words to the Law of grace?  
But you will say, what if all Object. 2 this prevail not, may she not yet contend? for answer, I say: Answ. Admit the case to be between thee and thy Prince: For reformation, or otherwise in withholding right, wilt thou try him by unquietness in words or deeds? beware of that, 
Eccles. 8.3.  (saith Solomon) For he will do even what he list. I know the conditions are very divers, and unequal in their different degrees; yet this may be drawn out of the comparison, that as there is no striving with a Prince, because of his power; so there is (or should be) no contending with the husband (for whatsoever cause) because of that absolute sovereignty which is in his hand, he will do whatsoever he list (lawful, honest and indifferent) and she cannot hinder him. So that look how vain a thing it is, for one to strive with another, that is bound hand and foot, and cannot wag a finger; so vain a thing it is for the wife (who for every thing must depend upon her husband's will) to strive and wrestle with him. If therefore the things which are to be obtained or redressed, be to be done by him, and cannot be done by her, 
The wife discharged by informing, rather than by reforming.  the burden being his and not hers (she having done her duty by entreaty) she is discharged, and he standeth guilty: he being King, Priest, and Prophet in his house, he shall answer for it.  

2. Quest.  The other question, viz. [whether the wife may do nothing, but the husband may deny her] must be thus considered. If they be partly of the aforesaid nature, things indifferent, he may forbid her; or things good and lawful, being extraordinary and not common duties of religion and God's service, he may restrain her; but he doth evil (it may be) in it, which is not the question. My reason of which restraint (or authority) is this, 
Numb. 30.9.  where Moses saith, that if a woman shall vow a vow unto God, if her husband disallow her the same, in the day that he heareth it, he shall make her vow that she hath pronounced with her lips, of no effect. As touching common & ordinary duties and parts of Gods holy service, as the hearing of his Word, Prayer, Sacraments, & such like, or shall command her things unlawful or uncomely, she is not bound to obey herein, neither can he restrain her; or if he shall do it by violence, she is excused, as one violently hindered from her duty, and he shall bear the sin: neither may the hazard of his displeasure, wrath, or offence, 
The wife must do some duties with hazard of her husband's displeasure.  be any just excuse, if violently she be not hindered, touching the duties of God's service, which with patience she is to bear, and submit herself unto. But in any case she must not contend, for any cause or matter, 
The inconvenience of the wives contending.  which is no way to win, nor means to obtain, but to break peace & unity, to dissolve love, and make way to all disorder and discontented estate. This is the best fruit that can come of contention, with either wise or foolish man. If he be wise, he will not bear it, that is, not bear the losing of his authority: If he be foolish, he will be more intemperate and not endure it. Wisely therefore did Abigail in the case of her husband's danger; 
Abigails wisdom.  who (not consulting with him, because he was not in case) ventured rather in a good action to bear some blame, then to omit a needful thing. Surely, if he had known it, it is probable he would not have consented; which thing, because she feared & knew he might restrain her will, she did it privily. So such wives, (as whose husbands are Nabals) have only liberty to do good without consent, and to hazard blame. But that the husband may restrain if he be acquainted with their purpose, and they must obey, there is no question.  
Let the wife therefore by all means shun the obloquy of a contentious wife, wherein is so much dishonour, as almost nothing more. For what a shame is it to a wife, to be compared to a dropping house? or to have a corner in a house top (for a man to live alone in) yea, or the very wilderness to be preferred before her? therefore in the proverbs he saith, 
Pro. 21.9.19.  that It is better to dwell in the corner of the house top, then with a contentious woman in a wide house: And again; 
Vers. 19  It is better to dwell in the wilderness, then with a contentious and angry woman. 
A woman's disgrace.  Oh how ill beseeming is it, the chaste, sober, modest, and amiable face of a loving and virtuous wife, to fret, lower, scowl, scold, brawl, or be unquiet towards her husband? if such saw their faces then in a glass, it would make them love the practice of such behaviour the worse for ever.  
On the contrary side, if they did but know what fetters, bonds, and persuasions, their kind and dutiful behaviour were unto very foolish (much more to wise and godly) husbands, for obtaining of their wills, in things lawful and necessary, they would never fall into a contentious humour, but by kindness overcome. 
A similitude of the wind and the Sun.  The wind and the Sun may be similitudes, in this case to set forth the effect hereof. It is said, they once contended, who should have the victory to make a traveler cast off his cloak: the wind began (after his ruffling manner) to blow with strength: then more strongly: after that with violence, as though he would carry away man and all: but the more he threatened, the faster the said traveler held his cloak about him, neither could the wind by his ruffling get victory. The Sun by warmth and fair demeans, setteth upon his task; who, not at first prevailing, increased his warmth, till at length, not only it caused him to cast off his cloak, but his coat and doublet too. So verily, if wives did know how unsavoury their ruffling courses of contentions are unto husband's hearts, 
Though kind and dutiful persuasion will not prevail, yet must contention needs be the worst, though by it she should prevail, because it is no honest mean appointed of God. Mark 6.21. Hest. 5.  and how much their amiable, loving, & patiented persuasions, are more likely (if aught at all) to take place with them, not only to get victory of the cloak, but of coat and all, & wisely watching their times and seasons (as Herodias did, though in a bad cause) but indeed as Queen Hester did in a better & good cause) they would surely abhor and abandon their windy course, and wholly cleave unto the way of wisdom. They are therefore more than foolish (for even that name the Scripture giveth unto indiscreet both women and men) I say they are more than foolish women, 
job. 2.10. Prou. 14.1.  that cannot say with themselves, if I cannot obtain by gentle and moderate means, I shall never prevail by unlawful means: for verily contending is merely unlawful; not only (as I have said) an unlikely, but an unlawful course.  
Thus you see (I trust) this point most evident, that by no means the wife may contend, no not for things lawful. 
A wise man's saying, if wives would believe it.  Well (as one saith) the cause of contention may be in the husband, but the fault of contending, is surely in the wife. The husband may be foolish and wicked (as Nabal was;) and therein give occasion (or cause) to a contentious nature, but the wife must avoid it, as Abigail did, who wisely prevented the evil, but brawled not for his folly. Let this rule be observed, and there shall be no contention.  
But when this advice in the wife is no more regarded, (then in many it is) and that the order of God's decree is so violated, 
Gen. 3.16.  is it any marvel, if there be contention between man and wife? Nay rather it were a wonder, if there should be peace: for whereas the Lord hath invested the husband with the authority and headship, will any lose this authority, & resign it preposterously? will he lose his liberty, and cast his sceptre to the ground? 
The wife in usurping authority crucifieth her husband, as it is said of S. Peter, with his heels upward.  will he be nailed to the cross, with his heels upward? I deny not (much less justify) the husband to be in cause oftentimes, of disunitie and contention, when he shall be careless of necessary and godly duties, improvident, unthrifty, froward, rigorous, and worse than all this, yet still (as hath been proved) the contentions are the wives, and the fault of contending will light on her unanswerably, because she is subjecteth unto a tributary estate, being made for the man, and he made her head. She being the cause of all his misery, 
When husbands are froward, wives must remember that they were the original cause thereof in them.  if she bear any misery by means of his indiscretion, she must look unto the original thereof, which first sprang in herself; whereas for a man to transgress that hath the prerogative, and is, as it were, the king and chief governor of the family, for him to say with Lamech (though I say not justifiable) I would slay a man in my wound, and a young man in mine hurt; 
Gen. 4.23.  yet is it not so monstrous or intolerable, or to be wondered at: though the duty and benevolence, thus (with Lamech) to terrify, and fear the wife, be thereby wounded and discouraged; yet is not the order of God's ordinance so inverted and overthrown as in the former disobedience and contention of the wife.  
All which, I speak not to oppress the wife, as shall appear (my dear friend) in the matter subsequent, and therefore do I crave your patience unto the very end) but to enforce the evil of contention, by discovering the cause and fault thereof; that by wisdom it may be prevented, or with speed removed: which being absolutely (I mean the fault of contending) in the wife, she must of necessity take care to remove it, or bear the blame thereof.  
Neither yet is it a vile estate, whereunto the wife is thus subjecteth (as partly hath been showed) (though her will and desire be both captived) neither yet the ●ight way for her to relieve herself, if the burden be too heavy to contend for ease: For, as the husband may lawfully (if he will) impart his authority with his wife, (which who so doth not is not wise, if his wife be virtuous and fit to use it) so yet it behoveth her to take the best course to obtain and win it. Now contending (as hath been proved) is absolutely denied her: what then may compass it? Surely her subjection shall get her government, 
True subjection the right way to rule.  and her obedience rule; the more subject, the greater power shall she obtain; and the more humble in her obedience, the more liberty shall she win. If therefore there were not an evil spirit, & a corrupt nature to blind the wife, rather with the wind to contend by force for her will, then patiently with the sun to gain it by virtue and diligence, they might much more prevail for rule and government then by the war of contention, 
Contention consumeth love.  which consumeth love. I will give that by entreaty, which by constraint I will not; and remit a debt, 
Matth. 18.26.  if the debtor crave patience, whereas if he be insolent, he may rot in prison for it: why then do not wives consider this, that virtue, rather than violence, submission then contention, refusing then usurping, patience then stubbornness, will more prevail for peace in their fellowship, and liberty to their will, than all their crossing inventions can evince and conquer? But what if no grace or virtue will prevail? to whom then are they subject, if the husband be unreasonable? is it unto man, or unto God? I say unto God, 
The threefold pledge: 

1. To love,  
2. To cherish,  
3. To obey.    and unto his ordinance, to whom she sweareth obedience in the marriage knot.  
Now out of all this (dear friend) I shall need no great exhortation unto you, to embrace this wisdom, seeing the course I prescribe, is not only the evidence of the word of God, but in all sense and reason both the easiest the faithfullest, and most honourable for the wife; yea, of both good and bad it is most commendable, except some rare woman for wickedness that excelleth other. For, was there ever commendation given to Sarah, above her obedience? of whom the holy Ghost saith, 
1. Pet. 3.6.  That she obeyed her husband, and called him Lord: whose meek and quiet spirit (opposed to the contentious spirit) the Apostle saith, 
Vers. 4.  is a thing much set by of God; Whose daughters (saith he again) ye are whiles ye do well, 
Vers. 6.  not being afraid with any terror. Or is there a more odious reproach unto a wife (whoredom set aside, which dissolves the knot; how much more than when whoredom and contention are met in one?) I say, is there a more shameful reproach unto the wife, then to be salomon's contentious woman, of whom we spoke before? 
Prou. 6.33.  there can be no greater (that everlasting blot excepted), for that it overthroweth the virtue of the wife; proveth her to have neither meek nor quiet spirit, but froward, insolent and contentious. Which meekness & quietness, if it be as the Apostle avouched, a thing of God so much set by, than needs must frowardness and contention be unto him most detestable; and so consequently, that which is so odious to God, and so offensive to man (as to stand under the dropping of a gutter), must needs be a devilish nature and a reproachful quality. 
Prou. 12.4.  But (saith Solomon) the virtuous wife is a crown to her husband, she will do him good and not evil, 
Prou. 31.12.  and that not a day, or twain, but, in an unwearied course, all the days of her life: give her therefore the fruit of her hands, and let her own works praise her in the gates.  
Now in all the subjection that I have spoken of in the wife, I have meant no servile subjection or duty, but duty with a kind of equality, and equality with reverence. For the duty, 
Obedience according to degree.  or word of obedience is very large and general, and must be considered according to his degree. There is the servants duty; the son's duty, and the wives duty. The sons differeth from the servants duty, because the servant abideth not in the house for ever, whereas the son (being heir) shall inherit and abide. His obedience is with love, the servants with fear. The wives duty (or obedience) also differeth from the sons, and is by degree more excellent, in that it is graced and seasoned with a kind of equality, being fellow heirs (as Peter saith) or heirs together of the grace of God; 
1. Pet. 3.7.  to whom the holy Ghost there commandeth honour, (as to the weaker vessel) that is, by honour he meaneth tender regard, as not to provoke, or discourage, but as a vessel (so profitable for use) and as the weaker vessel, so with wisdom to be governed. And this putteth a difference also, and exceedeth the sons obedience, in boldness, in kindness and in equality. 
1. Cor. 7.4.  The husband (saith the Apostle) hath not power over himself, but the wife: so than the wise hath that interest, in, and over the husband, (the faithful and dutiful wife I mean) which neither the servant nor son can require, nor the husband impart with any other.  
Hitherto (you will say) I have wholly, as it were, entreated of the duty of the wife. And you will further say, I have laid load upon their shoulders, who are the weaker vessels, longing, it may be, to hear the duty of the husband in like sort set forth, to see what bonds he is to be tied withal in his conversation to his wife. It is true, that the further our duties are discovered unto us, the more grievous and tedious it doth seem unto us; each delighting to hear rather the others duty, than their own and proper duty; the husband is pleased when the wives duty is extended to the uttermost, and the wife likewise, when the husbands is enlarged; 
It is a good token of a good spirit to delight in the ●earing of our own duties especially.  but this is no good sign either of a good husband, or a virtuous wife. The better husband, the more he delighteth to see and understand, both the properties of the good husband, that he may the better follow them, and the qualities of the bad husband, that he may avoid them: The good wife likewise hath her eyes bend to the things that may be excellent, that her obedience may be perfect, caring altogether what is her own duty, and not what is her husbands. For whiles men and women are thus intent, and do cast their eyes on others, rather then upon themselves, it is not possible they should be so careful of their own duties as they ought to be. Let the wife therefore desire nothing of the knowledge of her husbands, but of her own, nor the husband of his wives duty, but of his own; nor any man of his neighbour's duty, but of his own. 
That is, not simply, but in comparison.  Think it too long that thou hearest another man's duty described, and thine own deferred, and delight in the enlarging of thine own, and with the sight of thy defects, that thou mayst abound in the knowledge of thine own obedience, and leave other men's burdens to their own shoulders. Oh, say some, 
Vain men's profiting.  (when they have heard a sermon), such a note touched such a man to the quick, he was not better met withal a good while. But not a word touched himself, for that he let slip & flee over his head, as an arrow shot beyond him. This is not well, that we cast the wallet of our own sins behind us, and hang other men's sins before; look unto other men's duties, and neglect our own.  
But that I have somewhat tarried upon this point, of the cause of contention between man and wife, or laid forth the wives duty of subjection & obedience somewhat largely, hath not been to oppress the wife, or to put a sword into the hand of the husband to upbraid his wife with her duty; but partly to inform all godly and virtuous wives, 
All good wives desire to know their duties to the uttermost.  what is honourable or dishonourable in them, which none that are virtuous, but do desire to see; and principally to lay a sound foundation for the husband to build upon. Which being thus laid, you shall now see what the building will arise to be.  
Certainly, it cannot but be a most strong attractive, and effectual mean, to draw from the husband, 
1. Cor. 7.3.  that due benevolence which Gods word enjoineth him, were he a very Nabal, 
1. Sam. 1.  much more (an Elkanah) an husband of wisdom and understanding. We read of no contention between Nabal and Abigail; though he were said (and doubtless not without cause both by his servants and his wife (she being especially constrained by his own safety to say it) being said (I say) to be so churlish and wicked, 
1. Sam. 25.17.  that one could not speak unto him: the cause, or reason whereof, is not to be doubted, to be in the virtue and wisdom of his wife: who observing his nature, and weighing her own place, took always opportunity of time to contrive her affairs. When she had met David, and pacified his wrath, did she presently run with hue and cry unto her husband? did she charge him with his folly, and churlish nature? you know she did not, but waited till he were fit to be informed thereof. 
1. Sam. 25.36.  The very text saith, that when she came to the feast, and found him so well tippled and merry, she told him nothing, more or less, not one word or inkling (as we say) until the morning. And what then? only she related the danger, without note of any reproof or contention, only to make him (as I conceive) the wiser against another time. 
A note to be remembered.  And surely it were a very gracious and godly care both in wives towards their husbands, and likewise again in husbands towards their wives, to observe and weigh the natures each of other; and to take opportunity and fitness of time to speak each to other of such things, as each would obtain at others hands. If the husband be of an angry or choleric nature, is it any more for the wife, then to bear, as it were, a flash of heat? which, when the husband observeth (as verily he is a fool that could or would not note such a virtue in his wife) it would not only be a mean the more speedily to quench the heat, but to make double satisfaction afterward with love & kindness. But if in the heat and flame she shall power in her oil of frowardness and contention, in stead of the water of patience and pacification, is it any marvel or wonder, if the house be set on fire?  
The husband also must not disdain to be counseled by his wife, to hear her reasons, and to weigh her words. 
Eccles. 4.9.  For she is given for an helper, two are better than one; & God (many times) reveals that to the wife, that he doth not to the husband. 
Gen. 21.12.  Abraham hearkened to Sarah in the matter of Hagar and Ishmael; he was bid of the Lord to give ear unto her. And did not Manoahs' wife strengthen him, after the sight of the Angel and the sacrifice which he had offered, who feared that they should die because they had seen the Lord? which fear she put away with a most wise reason, saying: If the Lord would kill us, 
judg. 13.23.  he would not have received a  offering, and a meat offering at our hands; neither would he have showed us all these things, nor would have told us any such, etc. And what is that honour that S. 
1. Pet. 3.7.  Peter speaketh of, which the husband (being a man of understanding) should give unto his wife, but (amongst other things) regard unto her advice? always provided that she counsel not as did jobes' wife, 
job. 2.9.  to bless God and die: nor with Michol disdain at his zeal, and godliness; but counseling wisely, she is as a counsellor to be heard and honoured. Neither cometh salomon's counsel short of this, when he biddeth the husband to give his virtuous wife the fruit of her hands, that is, being wise, virtuous and provident, let her be commended & trusted for such a wife. And put case there be not to be found all those absolute qualities of that virtuous wife, in her whom thou hast chosen to be thy wife, but some infirmities, 
A rule for the husband to bear with the wives infirmities.  (yea many infirmities,) to bear with hers (as it becometh the wise husband to do) consider thine own that she must, and doth bear with in thee: if thine be more than hers, thou canst not be grieved to bear hers; if hers be more than thine, she is said to be the weaker vessel, and thou the stronger, that the bigger horse might bear the heavier load. 
Bear with the homeliness of the similitude.  Why hath God made thee the stronger but to bear the frailties and infirmities of thy wife? for a man the wives, or a wife the husbands, for either (I mean) to discover others infirmities (by way of reproach) is the greatest reproach that can fall to either. Except it be in such a case, as wherein Solomon saith her corruptions cannot be hid: 
Prou. 27.16.  but He that would hide them, hideth the wind, and she is as oil in his right hand that uttereth itself. The husband must dwell with his wife as a man of understanding, 
1. Pet. 3.7.  that is, as one that hath understanding so to govern, that he give not occasion by foolishness to be despised, nor by overmuch severity to be hated or feared.  
That care, which before I observed, that the husband and wife should duly mark each others disposition and nature, ought especially to begin betimes in them. For (if for want thereof) they fall once unto contention, and each by contention, to take dislike of other, it will grow (without great grace) in either, or both, unto hardness of heart; and then another kind of marking each others nature will ensue: Namely, not to prevent evil or contention, but to devise evil and contention; and so this counsel and remedy come to late. 
Prou. 17.14.  Therefore doth Solomon give this counsel, where he compareth the beginning of strife to be like one that openeth the waters, that is, maketh a breach into a bank or bay of waters; therefore saith he, Or ever contention be meddled with, leave off. 
Vers. 14.  If this do hold in common contentions and of any nature, much more in this civil and household strife. It is wisdom sometimes to seem guilty in some cause, 
Great wisdom to seem guilty sometimes for a season, where one is guiltless.  either the wife towards the husband, or the husband towards the wife, during the time of wrath, if it be once kindled or inflamed, and to pacify rather by entreating then excusing or cleared: for which, opportunity of time cannot but afterward be found to clear, and which cannot but be perceived to be done by great wisdom.  

A special duty in the husband.  It is certainly a great encouraging of the wife, where the husband maketh his love to appear by sound effects: showing that he regardeth her duty, observeth her labour, pitieth her pains, considereth her weakness, and would lighten her yoke and burden, by any means he could; that he trusteth her, and is not lightly or unjustly jealous of her: not exacting too narrow an account of her domestical affairs, but as if she were himself, who is indeed become one with himself, his half self or other self; even so to be persuaded of her truth and faithfulness. 
Prou. 31.29.  Many daughters have done virtuously, but thou (saith Solomon) surmountest them all: There the husband observeth the labours, travails, night-watching, and early rise of his wife, which were spoken of before) and lastly doth crown, and commend them in her. The contrary neglecting of all the poor wives travail, taketh away her heart, breedeth discontentment, & maketh weak her hands: and for either the wife over the husband, or the husband over the wife, to be attainted with that filthy sin of jealousy, 
Beware of causeless jealousy.  is the next way to cause either to fall into the sin.  
It is an hard task, to meet with all the inconveniences of the marriage state, or to apply preventions to all the evils that may be feared therein, which S. Paul's words imported, when (having said, [such shall have tribulation in the flesh] he added withal, but I spare you. 
1. Cor. 7.28.  I spare to relate all the dangers that I could. But surely ●he most principal mean to pre●ent them, is the observing of the ordinance of God: and the general cause of evil unto man and wife, is, (as hath been said) the inverting of the same. If the husband rule with love, and the wise obey with cheerfulness, and either of them be contented with their lot & portion in each other, then must the yoke needs go easy. But if the wife will usurp, and not acknowledge her head & king, or will not use the fittest means for her rule and liberty; or having what she would, cannot (or will not) use it to her husband's honour, & thus lay a foundation of contention and strife, God's wisdom is despised, it cannot be well.  
Whereupon I do exhort you both (as my most dear friends, whom as I daily pray for, so would I be glad to see the fruits of my prayers in the happiness of your estate) I say, I do exhort you unto those mutual duties which concern you both. You (Mistress Lucy) to wise subjection, to loving, and Christian reverence, to faithful and dutiful obedience: which shall not only be your crown of glory amongst the godly wise, as it was Sarahs' commendation by the holy Ghost to be obedient to her husband; but if you desire to rule and to be trusted with all your husband hath, this is the way, and there is no other. If you thus say, give me the sword, you shall have both it, and all assistance to use it; but if you will strive to wrest it out of your husband's hand, you will not only miss your desire, but take hurt by striving. Thus your godly subjection shall gain you more liberty, ease, honour, and lawful government, than all the contention in the world can bring to pass: and hate both the name and nature of a contentious wife; remember she is, as an incurable dropping, and intolerable. Besides, to rule a family with the husband's assignment, is a great honour to the wife: but to bear sway against his will and favour, no greater shame. Such wives are scoffed at, as their husband's masters, & such husbands esteemed but unwise and foolish.  
And you (Master Geruoyse) as my dear friend, I counsel unto the understanding of a man of wisdom. 
1. Pet. 3.7.  Know your wife to be a vessel, therefore necessary; I will not say (as one saith) a necessary evil, for I trust she shall be that virtuous wife, that shall do her husband good and not evil, all the days of her life; but I doubt not to say, a necessary vessel for fruit unto God's glory; a vessel, when you are full of sorrows, to help bear them, and ease you. A vessel, to contain your counsels, and instructions, 
judg. 14.18.  & not to be ploughed with, by any adversary, but as a faithful bulwark against all adversaries. Yet being withal the weaker vessel, she must be tendered accordingly. Our most precious vessels, (whether glass or gold) are commonly the weakest, by reason, either of nature, or workmanship, & those we most precisely order, not roughly, or carelessly. To a virtuous woman, there is no vessel, no jewel comparable; count her therefore the chiefest vessel in your house that must contain yourself and all your treasures. Her price, 
Prou. 31.10.  saith Solomon, is above the pearls; show not your rough and manlike courage (like Lamech) to your wife, but to your enemy. You are both but one, therefore be both but as one. Look not so much what is required of her, as what is due to her from yourself. 
Gen. 20.16.  You are the covering of her eyes, which must defend her, not oppress her. She is of godly, wise, and worshipful stock and parentage; her years have been seasoned hitherto with the salt of godly education; and therefore the fit for your wisdom to work upon; make you the work perfect, and you shall have both the honour and the comfort of the work. To be brief, what is wanting in her, (years being considered) that may derogate from the title of a virtuous wife? this I speak to you, not to her, ●ishing my words to be esteemed as far from flattery, as mine heart is from hypocrisy in that I speak. You are both in the fittest time to begin an happy estate; lay therefore the foundation according to God's holy word, and the building shall be glorious. Let that be the rule of both your duties, and know that God is most wise in directing both your states.  
Thus whiles you both regard the duties of your several places, jointly towards the Lord first, then mutually towards one another, how easy will the burden of your family and callings be unto you? the equal draft, maketh the burden light. What an example will 〈◊〉 be to servants, to children, to neighbour's, to friends, yea to all ●en, to be followed & commen●ed? So that, 
Matth. 6.33.  you first seek the kingdom of heaven and the righteousness thereof, the glory of your God, in a religious profession of ●is name, all other things, (as wisdom, understanding, riches, and ●rue pleasures) shall be cast upon ●ou. You shall be most happy first 〈◊〉 this present life, & more happy above happiness in the life to come. Which is the scope of this my ●ender labour and duty unto you ●oth: slender I call it, for so it is: ●nd my duty I do acknowledge 〈◊〉, for divers causes which I will ●mi●. I profess ever plainness and ●ruth, not eloquence or deep know●d●ge in any of my writings. And ●o I commend you both to the benefit of all instruction, and all unto God's glory in jesus Christ. Amen.  
FINIS.