TO THE RIGHT Honourable Lord, the Lord GORING, Baron of Hurster-point, and Mr. of the Horse to the Queen's Highness. Right Honourable: YOur Brother's Lieutenant Colonel Goring. real worth showed to me in the Wars abroad, emboldened me to present this new borne babe to your Protection, not doubting but to find the same Reality of worth in yourself in the Court at home, as I found in Him in foreign Leaguers: The Subject is new & Merry, the fitter either for Court or Field. It was conceived and perfected in ten daves space; and how desires tuition under your Lordship. It is the Emblem of my affection, and so hopes to be loved & liked the better & sooner; it is the first, but not perhaps to be the last. I had thought to have presented it unto your Lordship, before this time in Print, as I did in the Manuscript, had not either some malevolent spirit, or envious Planet crossed me in my designs. I wish that it may be esteemed near the worse, though from so mean a hand, and so unworthy a person as myself. Lend it a favourable sm●le to comfort and cherish it, and it shall be the height of my desires; thus presenting myself, it, and what is, or shall be mine, to your Honor. I humbly take my leave. your Honours Obliged: D. Lupton. To the Reader. IF Courteous, I love thee; if otherwise, I fear not, deal by me, as thou wouldst have others do to thyself: if the matter prove as pleasant, as the Subject is New, I doubt not thy approbation: 'tis one comfort, thou canst not say, I am the first Fool in Print, nor as I think, shall be the last. Friend's persuasions prevail much, had they not, I had not showed myself in this kind: I am in Press, do not overpresse me with prejudicate Opinions. I desire thy smile and benign aspect; yet fear not much thy frown. If thou sayest, 'tis idle, know it came not into the World to work much; Like it and Love it if thou Please, leave it is thou wilt; 'tis all I say, if thou Lovest me, and my Child, I love thee, and Thine as thou art mine. D. Lupton. In Commendation of the Author. TAke in good part what here I offer, T is my maiden loving proffer; I wonder at thy strange device, That thus thou shouldst Charactize: And how alone that thou shouldst find, These two new Subjects to thy mind. Brave Ouerbury, Earl, nay none Found out this Plot but thou alone. But most of all, I wonder yet, How in ten dates thou finished it, The Mirth, the Wit, the Style, the phrase, All give thee a sufficient praise. He that thy Book shall buy and read, Shall find I've spoken truth indeed. Thine john Barker. To his loving Friend, D. Lupton. Fear not Momus, though he Carp, Nor Zoylus though he snarl or Bark; Mirth is the Subject of thy Book, City and Country here may look, Wonder at thee, and praise thy pain, That laboured haste Sans hope of gain? Thy Wit and Learning I Commend, To thee Applause, I freely lend: The wise will like, I wish the rest To spare their Censure, it is best: They'll hurt themselves with their own tongue, Their Snarling can do thee no wrong. Per Samuel Perkings, Philomath. The Table. OF London. 1. The Tower. 2. St. Paul's Church. 3. The Bridge. 4. Of the Thames. 5. Exchanges Old and New. 6. Cheapside. 7. Inns of Court, and Chancery. 8. Smithfield 9 Bridewell. 10. Ludgate and Counters. 11. Newgate. 12. Turnebull-streete. 13. Hounsditch and Long-lane. 14. Charter-house. 15. christs-hospital. 16. Paris-Garden. 17. Artillery Garden. 18. Bedlam. 19 Playhouses. 20. Fencing-Schooles. 21. Dancing-schools. 22. Fisher-woemen. 23. Scavenger's and Goldefinders. 24. OF the Country. 1. Hospitality. 2. Enclosures. 3. Tenants by Lease. 4. Tenants at will. 5. Country School masters 6. Country Ushers. 7. Country Chaplains. 8. Alehouses. 9 Apparators. 10. Constables. 11. 〈◊〉 or weekly News. 12. London and the Country Carbonadoed and Quartered into several Characters. SHE is grown so Great, I am almost afraid to meddle with Her; She's certainly ● great World, there are so many little worlds in Her: She is the great Beehive of Christendom, I am sure of England: She swarms four times in a year, with people of all Ages, Natures, Sexes, Callings: Decay of Trade, the Pestiletice, and a long Vacation, are threescar-Crowes to her; She seems to be a Glutton, for she desires always to be Full: She may pray for the Establishing of Churches, for at the first view, they are Her chiefest Grace: she seems contrary to all other things, for the older she is, the newer and more beautiful. Her Citizens should love one another, for they are joined together; only this seems to make them differ; they live one above another: most commonly he that is accounted richest lives worst. I am sure I may call her a gally-mophrey of all Sciences, Arts, & Trades: She may be said to be always with child, for she ●owes greater every day than other; she is a Mother well stored with daughters, ●t none equal to Her for greatness, Beauty, wealth: she is somewhat politic, ●r she enlarges her bounds ●ceedingly, in giving way 〈◊〉 make Cities of Common ●ardens; and it's thought ●r greatness doth dimi●sh her Beauty. Certaine● she is no Puritan, for ●er buildings are now Conformitant; nor she 〈◊〉 no Separatist, for they ●re united together: she ●ath a very great desire 'tis ●ought to be good, for she is always mending: she may be called a great Book fair Printed, Cum Privilegio Regis: She is the Countryman's Labyrinth, he can find many things in it, but many times looseth himself; he thinks Her to be bigger than Heaven, for there are but 12. Celestial signs there, and he knows them all very well, but here are thousands that he wonders at: well, she is a glory to her Prince, a common gain to her Inhabitants, a wonder to Strangers, an Head to the Kingdom, the nursery of Sciences, and ● wish her to be as Good 〈◊〉 Great. 2. The Tower. Four things make it to be remarkable. Ma●, Antiquity, Situation, Strength, an head fitting so great a body, a Royal residence hath graced it: it stands principally, now for Defence, Offence, and punishment of Offenders. Anger it, and you shall hear it thunder farther than you can see it. Time seems to be a little angry with her, for she strive to ruin her beauty, ●ere it not supported by 〈◊〉 hand of Majesty. Gold ●nd Silver the 〈◊〉 of our Land receive their a● lowed forms from hencel A Coronation day is brau● lie exemplified here. It i● faithful, for what is put i● here is surely safe: they tha● are within need not muc● fear, for they are sure t● be kept well, I cannot say● they shall presently be● forth coming. The me● that keep it are no slug● guards, but are very ready for they Watch and War● continually. I wish it may be my prospective for pleasure, but not my abode by compulsion, I had rather be an honest poor man without it, than otherwise never so Great, and 〈◊〉 in it: I think it to be 〈◊〉 Changeling, for she still ●epes the old fashion, It ●ay be said to be the School of Moral Philosophy, for it civilizes Lions and other Wild beasts: the Officers ought to be faithful Stewards, for they are much trusted, they had ●eed be wise, for they do ●ot only keep themselves but others too. Those that are in it are reserved, still, and well stayed men: those that keep it, are well paid, for it keeps them: Those that come to see it, rather admire at every thing 〈◊〉 ●eight any object. It is th●●ublick Megazine for warlike provision, it doth seem terrible to those that do offend her Prince, for her own part she hath taken Allegiance, and withal Loyalty intends to keep it. This Land hath afforded this place many brethren, strong fortified Castles; but through rebellion, through times malice, and the frowns of Princes, they cannot be known almost but by their ruins, this kept her obedience to her Rulers, and so escaped as yet destruction. To conclude she is the glory & strength both of City and Kingdom. 3. Of S. Paul's Church. OH Domus Antiquae, a fit object for pity, for Charity; further Reported of then known, it is a complete Body, for it hath the ●hree dimensions of Longitude, Latitude, and Profundity, and as an excellent O●er-plus famous for height. It was a main point of Wisdom to ground Her ●ppon Faith, for She is the more likely to stand ●ure: the great Cross in the middle, certainly hath been, and is yet ominous to this Church's Reparation. S. Paul called the Church, the pillar of Truth, and surely had they not been sound, they had fallen before thi● time. The Head of this Church hath been twice troubled with aburning Fever, and so the City to keep it from a third danger, let it stand without an head. I can but admire the Charity of former times, to Build such famous temples, when as these Ages cannot find Repair to them, but then the World was all Church, and now the Church is all World: then Charity went before, and exceeded Preaching; now there is much Preaching, nay more the● ever, yet less Charity; o● forefather's advanced the Church, and kept their Land: These times lose their Lands, and yet decay the Churches: I honour Antiquity so much the more, because it so much loved the Church. There is more Reason to suspect the precise Puritan devoid of Charity, than the simple Ignorant fraught withgood Works. I think truly in this one point, the ends of their Actions were for good, and what they aimed at was God's glory, & their own happiness. They builded Temples, but our degenerating Age can say▪ Come, let us take them into our hands and possess them: Amongst many others, this cannot be said to be the Rarest, though the greatest. Puritans are blown out of the Church with the loud voice of the Organs, their zealous Spirits cannot endure the Music, nor the multitude of the Surplices; because they are Relics, (they say,) of Rome's Superstition. Here is that famous place for Ser mons, not by this Sect frequented, because of the Title, the Crosse. The middle I'll is much frequented at noon with a Company of Hungarians, not walking so much for Recreation, a● need; (and if any of these meet with a younker, that hath his pockets well lined with silver, they will relate to him the meaning of Tycho Brach, or the Northstar: and never leave flattering him in his own words and stick as close to him, as a Burr upon a Travellers cloak; and never leave him till he and they have saluted the green Dragon, or the Swan behind the Shambles, where I leave them.) Well, there is some hope of Restoring this Church to its former glory; the great sums of money bequeathed, are some probabilitles, & the charity of some good men already, in clothing and Repairing the inside, is a great encouragement; and there is a speech that the Houses that are about it, must be pulled down, for Paul's Church is old enough to stand alone. Here are prayers often, but sinister suspicion doubts more formal than zealous; they should not be worldly, because all Churchmen; there are none dumb, for they can speak loud enough. I leave it and them, wishing all might be amended. 4. The Bridge. IT is almost Arts wonder, for strength, length, beauty, wideness, height: It may be said to be Polypus, because it is so well furnished with legs: Every Mouth is four times filled in eight and forty hours, and then as a Child it is still, but as soon as they be empty, like a Lion it roars, and is wondrous Impatient: It is made of Iron, Wood, and Stone, and therefore it is a wondrous hardy Fellow. It hath changed the form, but as few do now a days, from worse to better: certainly it is full of Patience, because it bears so much, and continually: It's no Prison, for any one goes through it: It is something addicted to pride, for many a Great man goes under it; and yet it seems something humble too, for the poorest Peasant tread upon it: It hath more Wonders than Arches, the houses here built are wondrous strong, yet they neither stand on Land or Water: It is some prejudice to the Waterman's gains; many go over here, which otherwise should row or sail: It helps many a Penniless Purse to pass the water without danger or charges: nothing affrights it more, than Springtides or violent inundations: It is chargeable to keep, for it must be continually Repaired: it is the only chief crosser of the water, his Arches outface the water, and like judges in the Parliament are placed upon wool sacks: one that lives here need not buy strong Water, for here is enough for nothing: it seems to hinder the Water-bearers profit, for the Inhabitants easily supply their Wants by Buckets: He is a settled fellow, and a main upholder of houses; he is meanly placed, for there are divers above him, and many under him, & his houses may well be called None-such, for there is none like them, and to conclude, he partakes of two Elements, his neither parts are all for Water, his upper for Land; in a word, it is without Compare, being a dainty street, and a strong and most stately Bridge. 5. Thames. THis is a long, broad, slippery Fellow; Rest he affects not, for he is always in motion: he seems something like a Carrier, for he is still either going or coming, and once in six or eight hours, salutes the Sea his Mother, and then brings Tidings from her: He follows the disposition of the Wind, if that be Rough, so is the Water; if that calm, so is this: and he loves it, because when the Wind is at highest, than the Water will best show her strength and anger: it is altogether unsteedy, for it commonly is sliding away. Man's unconstant state, and Uncertain frail condition, is truly Resembled by this, always either ebbing or flowing, being in a trice high and low: he will not be a Martyr, for he will turn, but never burn: Resolution is absolutely his Guide and Counsellor, for he will run his course; he cannot be said to be a Welford or Spring without Water, for he is puteus in exhaustus. Merchandise he likes and loves; and therefore sends forth Ships of Traffic to most parts of the Earth: his Subjects and Inhabitants line by oppresion like hard Landlords at Land, the greater rule & many times devour the less: the City is wondrously beholden to it, for she is furnished with almost all necessaries by it: He is wondrously crossed, he is the maintainer of a great company of Watermens; he is a great 〈◊〉, for he works as much in the night as the day. He is led by an unconstant Guide, the Moon: he is clean contrary to Smithfield, because that is all for Flesh, but this for Fish; his inhabitants are different from those upon Land, for they are most without legs: Fishermen seem to off●r him much wrong, for th●y rob him of many of his Subjects; he is seldom without company, but in the night, o●●ough weather: H● meets the Sun but follows the Moon: ●e seems to complain a● the Bridge, because it hath intruded into his bowels, and that makes him Roar at that place: to speak truth of him, he is the privileged place, for Fish and Ships▪ the glory and wealth of the City, the high way to the Sea, the bringer in of wealth and Strangers, and his business is all for water, yet he deals much with the Land too: he is a little Sea, and a great River. 6. Exchanges Old and Neu● THe one of these came from Antwerp, the other from a Stable; the one was Dutch, yet made Denison; the other was not lo at the beginning, but did Exchange his name and nature. The Merchants are men generally of good habit, their words are usually better than their Consciences; their Discourse ordinarily begins in Water, but ends in Wine: the frequenting of the Walks twice a day, and a careless laughter, argues that they are sound: if they visit not once a day, 'tis suspected they are cracking, or broken: their Countenance is ordinarily shaped by their success at Sea, either merry, sad, or desperate: they are like ships at sea, top and top gallant this day, to morrow sinking: the ●ea is a Tennis-court, their State● are Balls, the Wind is the Racket, and doth strike many for lost under Line, and many in the hazard: They may seem to be acquainted with Athens, for they all desire News: Some of them do keep two brittle Vessels, their Ships and their Wives: the latter is less ballast, and that makes them so light: the Merchants Respect the former most, for if that sink or be overthrown, they fall, but the fall of the latter, is oftentimes the advancing of their heads: Conscience is sold here for nought; because it is as old Sermons, a dead Commodity: they will dissemble with, and cozen one another, though all the Kings that ever were ●nce the Conquest, overlooked them. Here are usually more Coaches attendant, then at Church-doores: The Merchants should keep their Wives from visiting the upper Rooms too often, lest they tyre their purses by attiring themselves. Rough Seas, Rocks, and Pirates, treacherous Factors, and leaking ships affright them: they are strange politicians, for they bring Turkey and Spain into London, & carry London thither. Ladies surely love them, for they have that which is good for them, far feucht, & dear● bought: they may proou● stable men, but they must first leave the Exchange. It is a great House full of goods; though it be almost in the middle of the City, yet it Stands by the Sea. There's many Gentlewomen come hither, that to help their faces and Complexions, breaks their husband's backs, who play foul in the Country with their Land, to be fair; and play false in the City: the place to conclude, is thought to be a great Formalist, and an hazardable Temporizer, and is like a beautiful Woman, absolutely good, if not too common. 7. Cheapside. 'tIs thought the Way through this street is not good, because so broad, and so many go in it; yet though it be broad, it's very straight, because without any turnings: it is suspected here are not many sufficient able men, because they would sell all: and but little honesty, for they show all, and some think, more some time than their own: they are very affable, for they'll speak to most that pass by: they care not how few be● in the streets, so their shop● be full: they that bring them money, seem to bused worst, for they are sure to pay sound: their Books of accounts are not like to their estates; for the latter are best without, but the other with long crosses▪ there are a great company of honest men in this place, if all be gold that glisters: their parcell-gilt plate is thought to Resemble them selves, most of them have better faces, than hearts; their moneys and coins are used as prisoners at Sea, kept under hatches. One would think them to be good men, for they deal with the purest and best metals, & every one strives to work best, and stout too, for they get much by knocking, & especially by leaning on their Elbows. Puritans do hold it for a fine street, but something addicted to Popery, for adorning the Cross too much. The inhabitants seem not ●o affect the Standard; the Kings and Queens would be offended with, and punish them, knew they how these batter their faces on their coins. Some of their Wives would be ill prisoner's, for they cannot in●re to be shut up; and as bad Nuns, the life is so solitary: there are many virtuous and honest Women, some truly so, others are so for want of opportunity▪ they hold that a harsh place of Scripture, That women must be no goers or gadders abroad in going to a lecture many use to visit a Tavern: the young attendant must want his eyes, and change his tongue, according as hi● mistress shall direct, though many times they do mistake the place, yet they will remember the time an hour and half, to avoid suspicion. Some of the men are cunning Launderers of plat● and get much by washing that plate they handle, and it hath come from some of them, like a man from the Brokers that hath cashiered his cloak, a great deal the lighter. Well, if all the men be Rich and true, and the women all fair and honest, then Cheapside shall stand by Charingcross for a wonder, and I will make no more Characters. But I proceed. 8. Inns of Court, and Chancery. THese were builded for Profit, Grace, Pleasure, justice: the buildings grace City, the Men grace the Buildings, justice & Learning grace the Men: These places furnish our Land with Law: Here Nobility, Learning, Law, Gentrey, have their Residence; here are Students and Professors; here are Students that will not be Professors▪ here are Professors & Students: here are Professors yet not Students; & here be some that are neither Students nor Professors: Many hold, that for an excellent Custom, in the Temple, immunity, from danger of Sergeants or such like proling Vermin. Some live here for profit, others for Grace, some for pleasure, some for all, yet most for profit and pleasure: They that mean to live by Law, desire not so much the Theory as the Practice part: though many here follows the Law, yet all keep it not, but some transgress: They are the Seminaries of judge meant and justice; he that is most expert in the Law, is the most fitting for public employment, and the Magistracy; these cause Caesar to have his due, and give the Subject his Right: that Land is likely to flourish where Religion and justice are honoured and practised: take away justice, and Religion will halt; remove Religion, and justice will degenerate into tyranny; let Moses and Aaron Rule, and our Israel will prosper: these places Moralise, Civilize the younger, advance the Learned: their Founders intended the stablishing of Peace, and confirming of Religion: many things that begin with blows, & would end in blood, are by these Professors mediated, and Christian agreement made▪ their number, Unity, great employment, makes the● admired, to conclude, the● are Rich Megazines for Law, storehouses for policy, Bulwarks of Equity, let them ever flourish, as long as they are Deo, Regi, Patria; for God, their King and Country. 9 Smithfield. YOu may have a fair prospect of this square Fellow, as you pass from the straits of Pie Corner; this place is well stored with good harbours for Passengers to put into for flesh & drink, and fish it is admirable; but fish harbour appears now but two days in seven above water: here thrice in a week one may see more beasts than men. Butchers that have money make this their Haven, or Rendezvouz: Men that are downe-fled, and better fed then taught, may see many like themselves, bought here for the slaughter: Butchers surely cannot endure Cuckolds, because they kill so many horned beasts. Some I suppose, may be said to buy themselves, such as traffic for Calves: though the place besquare, yet here is much cheating in it: here Land-pirates use to sell that which is none of their own: here comes many Horses, (like Frenchmen) rotten in the joints, which by tricks are made to leap, though they can scarce go; he that lights upon a Horse in this place, from an old Horse-courser, sound both in wind and limb, may light of an honest Wife in the Stews: here's many an old Ia●e, that trots hard for't, that uses his legs sore against his will, for he had rather have a Stable than a Market, or a Race: I am persuaded that this place was paved without the consent of the Horse-courses company: this place affords those leather blacke-coates, which run so fast upon Wheels, they shake many a young Heir out of his stock and means: the men that live here, may be said to be well fed, for here's meat enough; this place 〈◊〉 what Rich Country England is▪ and how well it breeds Beasts, a man that considers their number and greatness and how soon Consumed▪ may think there are a World of mouths, or else that Englishmen are great eaters. Well, I will speak this of Smithfield, it is the greatest, fairest, richest, squarest market place of this great City or Kingdom. 10. Bridewell. HEre comes many that have been at many a Dance, but never affected the Bridewell; here's a Palace strangely Metamorphosed into a prison: in the outward Court were Carts not for the Husbandman, but for those that have used the unlawful game of Venery; it seems to be contrary to nature, to make those draw which were made to bear, a strange invention to have such a new punishment, for such an old sin. Me thinks the house complains, Oh quam a dispari Domino: It may be said of it, that it hath been Eminent, Great, and Majestical, so much may be said of it yet, that the Court is where it was: It should maintain Virtue, for it punishes vice, they are severe Governors, for they are most upon correction: when men have here done their work, they are sure of their wages, a whip: they are temperate here, for they eat not over much; for their drink, if all were to follow their course, it would make Male cheap, for its water. It may be said of this, as of the Palatinate, would it was restored In statu qu● prius: some say there are many idle persons in it; strange! yet work so hard: It ' is thought there's scarce a true fellow in it, for they all lie hard: there's none can say he works for nothing, for they are all s●e of payment. It's the only Remembrancer of Egypt's The lash. slavery, they have task●maisters to hold them to their work: their whippemaister is like a Country Pedagouge, they many times whip better, than himself, and both take a pride in their office, they inflict that upon others, which they deserve themselves: they that come out of it need not fear Purgatory, for its thought to be a place of more ease. This is a two fold comfort unto them, that they may once come out, and then they can scarce light of an harder master, or a worse service: they may be Papists, for they fast often, have their bodies afflicted, are shut up from the World, seem wondrous penitent, only they pray not so often. I leave the place, wishing they may come out, amend, and never more come into it. 11. Ludgate and Counters. I'll join all these together, because their natures are not much diferent, some of the Officers make the places worse than they would be, if a man cannot by moneys or good security pay his debts, yet he may l●e for them here▪ the Prisoners are like Apprentices, desire heartily to be Freemen: Certainly, they have been men of great credit, for they have been much trusted: they hate three persons, an extreme Creditor, a cunning Lawyer, and a biting Sergeant: these three are all fishers of men, the Creditor owns the Net, the Lawyer places and spreads it, the Sergeant ●als and draws it to a purse: the Sergeant seems to be most of trust, for he hath the Whole business put into his hands, and if he can, concludes it: the Lawyer next to him, for he is trusted with the Bonds: the Creditor himself is of least note, for he will not be seen in his own business: yet the Creditor is Lord of the Game, the Lawyer is his Hunsman, the Sergeant his blood Hound, the Yeoman his Beagle, and the Debtor is the wild Hare; if he be taken, most commonly he is tamed in one of these M●ses: a Sergeant is worst when most employed, & a Lawyer when most trusted, the Credit ditor when without pity, and the Debtor when prodigality and ill courses have procured this Cage. The Attorney and Sergeant may be termed Hangmen, they procure and serve so many Executions: These places are fullest when men break their bonds, & make forfeitures; they may be called Dens, the Sergeant Lions, and the Debtor the Prey. It is a● ancient Gate, yet not affected by Citizens, though a closet for safety. For the Counters, they teach wanderings Nitingals the way unto their Nests, and learn them to sing the Counter-Tenor: the Counters seem very courteous, for they will open almost at any hour in the night, they would not have men lie in the streets: well, they are places that are too full, the more pity that men either have not better Estates, Consciences, or manners, to pay their Debts, & li●e uprightly and orderly. 12. Newgate. IT may well answer to the name, and thank the City for her care and charges: It is now well faced and heanded, Charity helps much to a decayed Estate: but that Saint Paul's is a Church, and so to bear no anger or grudge, it would envy the prosperity of the Gates, and be angry with the Citizens for not thinking upon her old age and poverty. Newgate is generally a place of safety, and few comes hither, but by merit: the captives are men that once would not, now must live within compass, they should be men of worth, for the Keeper will not, dare not loose one of them. When they are forsaken every where, than this place takes them in, for fear their heels should be as quick as their Hands have been: He lays them in irons, that he may be the surer of them: they are, or may be supposed to be sound men, for they seldom break out: as long as they stay here, they cannot be said to be unstayed fellows or Vagrants, for they are sure of a place of stay: they are quicksighted, for they can see through iron grates: some of them seem to be Eminent men, for they are highly advanced; they are like Fish, have a long time nibbled away the bait, but are now caught: Certainly they are no Libertines, and are convicted of Free will: they are uncharitable, for they seldom love their Keeper; they have the power of life and death in their own hands, and put many to be pressed to death. Lice. By seeking others goods they procured their own hurt. They lived without any thought of judgement, now it is the only thing they feat: They hold a Triangle to be a dangerous Figure. Of all places they hold Holborne-hill an unfortunate place to ride up. It seems they go that way unwillingly, for they are drawn: They cannot miss their way to their journeys end, they are so guarded and guided. Lice seem to be their most constant Companions, for they'll hang with them for company: It seems these men were not made for Examples, for at their Confession they wish all men not to follow their courses: and most are easily persuaded, for there's very few dare do as they have done. Well, I pass from them, thus much you may be sure of, once a Month you may hear, know, and see if you please; whether they live, or dye 13. Turnebull-streete. IT is in an ill name, and therefore halfe-hanged: here may be some Probability of Honesty, little or no demonstration, especially a Priory. here are Lasses that seem to hate Enclosures, for they would lay all open, they may seem good Subjects, for they love standing or lying for the Common: They hold it was a good Age, when Women practised Astronomy. They seem to be Puritans, for they love private Conventicles: They are not altogether vnpractifed in the Law, for they know and love Feelings: The Aspect here is the Conjunction, and they hold a noun Substantive, a Preposition, an Interjection & Conjunction the best parts of speech. They have learned thus far in their Ac●idences, that femin● ludificantur viros. They seem to be no whit addicted to pride, for they desire to be below: they love not Lent, because they delight more in flesh: they seem to be wellwishers to Lawyers, and to the City, for they love Term-times, and pray against the decay of trading. Their chiefest desire is to be well manned, they keep open houses: It is hazardable to trust them because they are much addicted to Lying: They affect a Cannoneire well, because he will force a breach, and enter the passage. They jove not to wrestle, they had rather take a fall, then give one. When this Street was builded, surely Mars and Venus were in a Conjunction. Here are very few men, but they are well armed: Nay the Women have received press-money, & have performed the Service: women though the colder vessels by Nature, yet these are the hotter by Art: they may be thought to be great Scholars, for they partake of all the liberal Sciences, for Grammar they know the Syntax●s, and the Figure called Apollo P. For Logics they have skill in the Antepraedicaments & the Fallacies; for Music they a● not affected with unisons▪ but are skilful in Chroches and quavers, & love Ela● because the highest Note and makes them squeak for Rhetoric, they kno● the Metonomia adiuncti, and Apostrophe; for Arethmeticke, the love addition, and division; for Astronomy, they know the motion of Venus, and are observers of Mars; for their skill in Geography, they know the Tropickes and the Torrid Zone, and ●o being thus experienced in these Sciences, they are much frequented and sought too. I wish all in this Street to take heed of their Cellars, lest they fire first, and to lay their Trading down, or else it will lay them down. 14. Hounsditch and Long-lane. THese two are twins, they have both set up one Profession; they will buy a man's Suit out of his hands, but it shall be hanged or pressed for't. A man that comes here as a stranger would think that there had been some great death of men and women, here about he sees so many suits & no men for them. Here are Suits enough for all the Lawyers in London to deal withal: the Inhabitants are men of many outsides, their faults are not seen easily, because they have so many cloaks for them: they should be well affected to the Roman Church, for they keep, & lay up old Relics: They are beholden to the Hangman, for he furnishes their Shops: And most of their Creditors wish that they may furnish his three cornered shop, which often comes to p●sse; and as many say, the oftener the better: Broke Curs they are in two respects, most of them were broke before they set up, & Curs for biting so sore ever since they set up: his shop is a Hell, he the Devil in't, & torments poor souls: the jailer & Broker are Birds of a feather, the one Imprisons the Body, the other the clothes, both make men pay dear for their lodging: The Broker seems somewhat the kinder, for he lays the clothes in Lavender: he is much of a Serving man's nature, lives much upon the Reversion of cast clothes: the Servingman hath them the cheaper, but the other keeps them the better, they many times do make a bargain: He loves those birds best, that oftenest cast their Feathers: to conclude, he is no Tradesman, if the whole bunch of them be weighed, you shall not scarce find a dram of honesty, for a pound of craft. 15. Charter-house. THis place is well described by three things, Magnificence, Munificence, and Religious government: Magnificence is the ●erminus a quo, good Orders the Terminus mediari, Munificence and Charity the Terminus ad quem: the first shows the wealth of both Founder and Establisher: the second shows the ●eanes to make the good thing done, durable: the third demonstrates his in●ent that thus Established it: had it been great without good government, it had long ere this time come to ruin: or had it been great & yet devoid of Charity, it would have been laughed at & derided; but now Charity shows it is well governed, and the good Government keeps it firm, and make● it famous: Soldiers and Scholars, I think, begin their love here, that they continue hereafter firm & solid, by living together▪ callings both honourable, & here bountifully maintained: It is a Relief for decayed Gentlemen, old Soldiers, and ancient Servingmen: 'tis to be pitied, that such Religious, Charitable houses, increase not in number: this one place hath sent many a famous member to the Universities, and not a few to the Wars: I will not censure as some do, that many places are here sold for moneys, nay the reversions also: I'll rather ex●ort the Governors to discharge a good conscience, (and not to suffer their men, or any other whom they affect, to get thirty or forty pounds for the promise of the next vacant place for a youth to come in,) and to observe their first Institutions; and those that so suppose, I wish them that they speak not that with their mouths, which they know not in their hearts. The deed of this man that so ordered this House, is much spoken of, and commended: but there's none Zion Col ledg ner● CripleGat●. (except only one) that as yet, hath either striven to equal or imitate that, and I fear never will: there's many that will not do any such good Works, and give out that they smell something of Popery, and therefore not to be imitated: well, I durst warrant thus much, let the Overseers live Religiously, govern Civility, avoid Bribery, keep their Cannons directly, and this House shall stand to upbraid this Iron Age, and see many brought to beggary for prodigality, when they shall be satisfied, and have enough: Well, this is my opinion of it, that the Founder is happy, and so are all his Children that live here; if they degenerate not, and ●rne from fearing God, obeying their Prince, and from living in love amongst themselves. 16. christs-hospital. THe former place and this are much of one nature, yet some difference there is; Charter-house is the younger for time, but exceeds for revenues: It was erected by one, this by many Citizens. christs-hospital is principally for children's education, that are fatherless and motherless, the other for men's and children's too. The former is for any, as well as Citizens, the latter not, that only, it is for Children; seems to be conformable to Christ's will, Suffer little Children to come unto me: None that are in this place can be said to be without portions, for they have Education: the City's Charity is the less, for she Relicues but her own. It's a good means to empty their streets of young beggars, and fatherless Children: She doth no more than the Laws of the Land seem to enjoin, to keep those that were borne within her: it's a good policy to p● them young to this place, because they may learn Virtue before Vice: And ordinarily, if youth be well seasoned, it is the more hopeful to be good in age. The City doth deserve very great commendation for this action, because it's rare to see so great a Company join together, for the good of the poor, and last out. You may easily know the Children that belong unto this place, by their Azure liveries, and their Sable head-pieces: This House may be termed the children's Commonwealth, and to speak truth, it's well governed by good Laws, I wish the City not to be proud for her Charity, nor to be weary of well doing; and the Hospital to remember their Benefactors, and the Children to live and learn well, for fear of Correction. 17. Paris-Garden. THis may better be termed a foul Den than a fair Garden. It's pity so good a piece of ground is no better employed: here are cruel Beasts in it, and as badly used; here are foul beasts come to it, and as bad or worse keep it, they are fitter for a Wilderness then a City: idle base persons (most commonly) that want employment, or else will not be otherwise employed, frequent this place; and that money which was got basely here, to maintain as bad as themselves, or spent lewdly; here come few that either regard their credit, or loss of time: the swaggering Roarer, the cunning Cheater, the rotten Bawd, the swearing Drunkard, and the bloody Butcher have their Rendezvouz here, and are of chief place and respect. There are as many civil religious men here, as they're Saints in Hell. Here these are made to fight by Art, which would agree by Nature: They thrive most when the poor beasts fight oftenest: their employment is all upon quarrels as unlawful, as unseemly, they cause the Beasts first to fight, and then they put in first to part them: It's pity such beastly Fellows should be so well maintained, they torment poor creatures, & make a gains and game of it. The Beasts come forth with as ill a will, as Bears to the stake. A Bearward and an Attorney are not much unlike, the Attorney seems the more cruel, for these bait but Beasts; but these men, their Clients: The Bearward strives to recover the hurts of his Beasts, but the Attorney regards not the damages of any, and they both follow the Trade for profit. Well, I leave the place, and when I intent to spend an hour, or two, to see an Ass and an Ape, to loss and charges, I may perhaps come hither: But as long as I can have any employment elsewhere, I will not come to see such a great Company so ill occupied, in so bad a place. 18. Artillery. THis place is the City's Camp, and Mars his School: Here are four brave Flowers in this Garden, Manhood, Courage, Activity, Arms. The use and expert skill of War may be seen here in peace: Decency, Nimbleness, Skill, Uniform order, and Experience, the five qualifications gracing Military Discipline, are usually here to be viewed. In their exercising how many little bodies may you see, that by their proportionable motion make a great body? and that suddenly alterede into any Form: Here are brave Martial Blades, that at three words, and three motions will give fire: here are more arms than heads or feet: Yet when one moves, like Wheels in a jack they all move. They are men that must not encroach into one another's ground, but as they are come manders, so they must keep distance; & they seem not affect Confusions, for they all strive to keep order: ●is no marvel why Soldiers desire so to fight, for they are always in Divisions. You may know by their Marching where ever either the best Gentleman, or the ancienest Soldier is placed, for he is ever in the Right before, or Left behind: They are strange men; for in ten yard's space of ground they can all turn their faces about: there's thought to be no steadiness in them, for like Fortune's wheel, they many times suddenly alter & turn: they are generally men of good Order and Ranke, they then are at compleatest view, when their length and breadth agree, ten every way. They are most disliked, when they are either out, or off their Files. They use to put their worst Pieces in the midst. They seem to be suddenly angry, for one word moves them all. Obedience and Silence they must practise, to do as they are commanded, and to hearken unto their charge. A good Soldier must be like a true Maid, seen but not heard: he's more for actions than words. The City did well to provide Mars a Garden, as well as Venus an House. No question, but when these meet, they will be at push of Pike, and often discharge. Before I leave this honourable place, I may speak this of it: that's excellent the oftener used, the best when 'tis fullest, and most Eminent Wisdom, Courage, Experience, Policy, be the four Colonels; and the four Regiments consist of Patience, Obedience, Valour, and Constancy; and their Colours Deo, Regi, Gregi, Legi, for God, their King, Law, and Country, flourishing all in the field of Honour and Victory. 19 Bedlam. Here live many, that are called men, but seldom at home, for they are gone out of themselves: Nature hath been a Steppemother to some, and misery and crosses have caused this strange change in others: they seem to live here, either to rectify Nature, or forget Miseries: they are put to Learn that Lesson which many, nay all that will be happy, must learn to know, and be acquainted with themselves: this House would be too little, if all that are beside themselves should be put in here: it seems strange that any one should recover here, the cry, screechings, roar, brawlings, shaking of chains, swear, frettings, chaffing, are so many, so hideous, so great, that they are more able to drive a man that hath his wits, rather out of them, then to help one that never had them, or hath lost them, to find them again. A Drunkard is mad for the present, but a Mad man is drunk always. You shall scarce find a place that hath so many men & women so strangely altered either from what they once were, or should have been: The men are all like a Ship that either wants a Stern, or a Steersman, or Ballast; they are all Heteroclites from Nature, either having too much Wildness, or being defective in judgement. Here Art strives to mend or cure Nature's imperfections and defects. Certainly, he that keeps the House may be said to live among wild Creatures: It's thought many are kept here, not so much in hope of recovery, as to keep them from further and more desperate Inconveniences. Their Faculties and Powers of their Souls and Bodies being by an ill cause vitiated and depraved, or defective. The men may be said to be fair Instruments of Music, but either they want strings, or else though being strung are out of tune, or otherwise want an expert Artist to order them: Many live here that know not where they are, or how they got in, never think of getting out: there's many that are so well or ill in their wits, that they can say they have been out of them, & gain much by dissembling in this kind: desperate 〈◊〉 that dare make a mock of judgement: well, if the Devil was not so strong to delude, & men so easily to be drawn, this house would stand empty, and for my part, I am sorry it hath any in it. 20. Playhouses. TIme, Place, Subject, Actors, and clothes, either make or mar a play: the Prologue and Epilogue are like to an Host and Hostess, one bidding their Guests welcome, the other bidding them farewell: the Actors are like Servingmen, that bring in the Scenes and Acts as their Meat, which are liked or disliked, according to every man's judgement, the neatest dressed, and fairest delivered, doth please most. They are as crafty with an old play, as Bawds with old faces; the one puts one a new fresh colour, the other a new face and Name: they practise a strange Order, for most commonly the wisest man is the Fool: They are much beholden to Scholars that are out of means, for they sell them ware the cheapest: they have no great reason to love Puritan, for they hold their Calling unlawful. New Plays and new clothes, many times help bad actions: they pray the Company that's in, to hear them patiently, yet they would not suffer them to come in without payment: they say as Scholars now use to say, there are so many, that one Fox could find in his heart to eat his fellow: A player often changes, now he acts a Monarch, tomorrow a Beggar: now a Soldier, next a Tailor: their speech is loud, but never extempore, he seldom speaks his own mind, or in his own name: when men are here, and when at Church, they are of contrary minds, there they think the time too long, but here too short: most commonly when the play is done, you shall have a lig or dance of all trads, they mean to put their legs to it, as well as their tongs: they make men wonder when they have done, for they all clap their hands. Sometimes they fly into the Country; but 'tis a suspicion, that they are either poor, or want clothes, or else Company, or a new Play: Or do as some wand'ring Sermonists, make one Sermon travail and serve twenty Churches. All their care is to be like Apes, to imitate and express other men's actions in their own persons: they love not the company of Geese or Serpents, because of their hissing: they are many times lousy, it's strange, and yet shift so often: As an Alehouse in the Country is beholden to a wild Schoolmaster, so an whore-house to some of these, for they both spend all they get. Well, I like them well, if when they Act vice they will leave it, and when virtue, they will follow. I speak no more of them, but when I please, I will come and see them. 21. Fencing-Schooles. here's many a man comes hither, which had rather work then play, though very few can hit these men, yet any one may know where to have them, upon his guard: his Scholars seem to be strangely taught, for they do nothing but play; his care seems to be good, for he learns men to keep their bodies in safety. Usually they that set up this Science have been some Low-countries Soldier, who to keep himself honest from further inconveniences, as also to maintain himself, thought up on this course, and practise it: the worst part of his Science is, he learns men to falsify: he is glad to see any Novice that reads his Orders with his hat on, for than he hopes for a forfeiture; there are many blows given and taken, yet little or no blood spilt, the more he beats, the better man he is held to be, he will make many dance about his School, as a Bear about a stake. A little touch upon your elbow, is commonly his first acquaintance and salutation: he hath his Discourse ordinarily of single Combats, and then will show you his Wounds, and cause you to hear his oaths which are his familiar Rhetoric: He is for the most part a potter and piper and if he be well in age or not, you may know by the sanguine complexion of his nose, and the number of pearls that are usually about it, accompanied with Rubies and Saphires, show that he is some jeweller. His School is an introduction to blows, and he makes many man's head to ●ee the pillow of his Cudgel: one must not trust to his looks, for he looks at one place, and strikes at another: you must be sure to keep him off, for he is most dangerous when nearest to you: he seldom strikes down right, but either back●- wards or forwards: He that loves fight in earnest, let him go to the Wars; he that loves to fight in jest, let him come hither. 22. Dancing-schools. THey seem to be places Consecrated, for they that use to practise here, put off their shoes, & dance single-soled; they are not exceeding men, for they teach and delight in Measures: they seem to be men of spare diet, for they live upon Capers: their trade is not chargeable to begin withal, for one treble viol sets it up: they should be good players at Cards, for for they teach men to Cut and shuffle well: their scholar's arms are like pinioned Prisoners, not to reach too or above their heads: their heels seem to hinder their preferment, & that makes them to rise upon their roes: whatsoever their actions be, they must carry their bodies upright: The Scholars are like Courtiers, full of Cringes: And their Master seems to be a man of great Respect, for they all salute him with hat in hand, and knees to the ground: the number of five is the dancing A, B, C, both Master and Scholars seem to love News, for they both consist much of Currantoes: their eyes must not see what their feet do, they must when they Dance, be like men that have the French disease, stiff in the Hams; they are guided by the Music, and therefore should be merry men. What they may seem to intend, is that they hope to dance before Gentlewomen: But in the next jig you shall be sure to have them turn like Globes all round. They like a Fiddle better than a Drum, and hold Venus to be a more auspicious Planet than Mars. When they are in the Schools they are Antics, when they are out, I think you will judge as I do, they love the Feminine gender more than the Masculine: Generally, these Schools learn men to begin merrily, leave off sighing, and therefore they are players of Tragedies, not Comedies; I think he that seldom dances, lives well; but he that never, lives best. When I intent to show my body's strength, and my mind's weakness, I will be one of their Proficients: I had rather have my body not dance here, for fear my Soul should not like the Music: Give me that place whereall is Music, but no Dancing. 23. Fisher-woemen. THese Crying, Wand'ring, and Travailing Creatures carry their shops on their heads, and their Storehouse is ordinarily. Biling gate or the Bridge-foot, and their habitation Turnagaine-lane, they set up every morning their Trade afresh. They are easily set up and furnished, get something, and spend it jovially and merrily: Five shillings a Basket, and a good cry, is a large stock for one of them. They are merriest when all their Ware is gone: in the morning they delight to have their shop full, at Even they desire to have it empty: their Shoppe's but little, some two yard's compass, yet it holds all sorts of Fish, or Herbs, or Roots, Strawberries, Apples, or Plums, Cucumbers, and such like ware: Nay, it is not destitute some times of Nuts, and Oranges, a●d Lemmons. They are fre● in all places, and pay nothing for shop-rent, but only find repairs to it. If they drink ou● their whole Stock, it's but pawning a Petticoat in Long- 〈◊〉 or themselves in Turnebull-streete for to set up again. They change every day almost, for She that was this day for Fish, may be to morrow for Fruit; next day for Herbs, another for Roots: so that you must hear them cry before you know what they are furnished withal, when they hau● done their Fair, they meet in mirth, singing, dancing, & in the middle as a Parenthesis, they use scolding, but they do use to take & put up words, & end not till either their money or wit, or credit be clean spent out. Well, when in an evening they are not merry in an drinking-house, it is suspected they have had bad return, or else have paid some old score, or else they are bankerupts: they are creatures soon up, & soon down. 24. Scavenger's and Goldfinders. THese two keep all clean, the one the streets, the other the backesides, but they are seldom clean themselves, the one like the hang man doth his work all by day, the other like a thief, doth theirs in the night: the Gold-finders hold the sense of smelling the least of use, and do not much care for touching the business they have in hand, they both carry their burdens out into the ●ieldes, yet sometimes the Tha●es carries away their loads: they are something like the Trade of the Barbers, for both do rid away superfluous excrements The Barber's profession is held chief, because that deals with the head and face, but these with the excrements of the posteriorums. The Barber's trade & these have both very strong smells, but the Gold-finders is the greatest for strength, the others is safest & sweetest: the Barber useth washing when he hath done, to cleanse all, and so do these: the Barber useth a looking glass, that men may see how he hath done his work, and these use a candle: they are all necessary in the City: as our faces would be foul without the Barber, so our streets without the Scavenger, and our backsides with out the Gold-finder: The Scavenger seems not to be so great an Officer, as the Gold-finder, for he deals with the excrements chiefly of Beasts, but this latter of his own Species: well, had they been sweeter fellows I would have stood longer on them, but they may answer, they keep all clean, and do that work which scarce any one but themselves would meddle withal. The Country Carbonadoed and Quartered into Characters. 1. Of the Country. THis is the Circumference of London: It is the Emblem of the City in Folio, and the City of it in Decimo sexto: the Country justifies that Verse to be true, that Anglia, Mons, Pons, Fons, Ecclesia, Faemina, Luna. It doth now of late begin to complain that the City offers her wrong in harboring her chief members of Nobility, and Gentry: her Gentry for the most part of late are grown wondrously undutiful that will scarce otherwise then upon compulsion, come and live with their mother & maintainer: She allows these more means a great deal, than she did their Grandfathers; yet these young Storks fly from her; the other always lived with her, and loved her: she doth much suspect their Faith & Love towards her, because she being as beautiful, as bountiful, as healthy, and as rich, as ever, should be thus fleighted of her younger sons, yet three times or four in a year, perhaps they will vouchsafe their mother their presence, but it is to be suspected, that either a public proclamation, or a violent plague, or to gather up their rackerents moovethem from the City, or else the pleasure of Hawkin or Hunting, or perhaps it is to show his new Madam some pretty London bird, the credit of his father's house, but his own discredit to let it stand for jackdaws to domineer in: well, this Country is the Map of the world, the bea● ty of Lands, and may well be called the rich Diamond gloriously Placed ●t may be emblemed by these 9 particulars, a fair great Church, a learned College, a strong rich ship, a beautiful Woman, a golden fleece, a delightful spring, a great mountain, a fair bridge, & a goodly m●n, to conclude, it is the life of the City, & the store-house of all Christendom, for peace, War, Wealth, or Religion: they that will know more, must either travail to see, or read the desription of it by Geographers. 2. Hospitality. THis true noble hearted fellow is to be dignified and honoured, wheresoever he keeps house: It's thought that pride, puritans, coache● and covetousness hath caused him to leave our Land: there are six upstart tricks come up in great Houses of late which he cannot brook Peeping windows for the Ladies to view what doings there are in the Hall, a Buttery hatch that's kept locked, clean Tables, & a French Cook in the Kitchen, a Porter that lo●kes the gates in dinner time, the decay of Blacke-iackes in the Cellar, and blue coats in the Hall: he always kept his greatness by his Charity: he loved three things, an open Cellar, a full Hall, and a sweeting Cook: he always provided for three dinners, one for himself, another for his Servants, the third for the poor: any one may know where he kept house, other by the Chimney's smoke, by the freedom at gate, by want of whirligige jacks in the Kitchen, by the fire in the Hall, or by the full furnished tables▪ he affects not London, Lent, Lackays, or Bailifeses, there are four sorts that pray for him, the poor, the passenger, his Tenants, and Servants: he is one that will not hou●d up all, nor lavishly spend all, he neither racks or rakes his Neighbours, they are sure of his Company at Church as well as at home, and gives his bounty as well to the Preacher, as to others whom he loves for his good life and doctrine ●hee had his wine came to him by full Butts, but this Age keeps her Wine-Celler in little bottles. Lusty able men well maintained were his delight, with whom he would be familiar: his Tenants knew when they saw him, for he kept the old fashion, good, commendable, plain: the poor about him wore him upon their backs; but now since his death, Landlords wear and waste their Tenants upon their backs in French, or Spanish fashions. Well, we can say that once such a charitable Practitioner there was, but now he's dead, to the grief of all England: And 'tis shroudly suspected that he will never rise again in our Climate. 3. Enclosures. THe Landlords that enclose their Villages, are afraid that either the Townc, or the Land would run away, or rebel against them. Therefore they beleaguer it with deep Trenches and Thorn-roots for Palliz●does: they could not make th●ir Trenches so easily, if all wer●●ue within: But the person he is like a false Canoniere, that came by his place by Simoniacke means, and perhaps is sworn, either not to molest the enemy at all: or else if he doth give fire, either to shoot over, or short, or upon the side, never direct: or else he is poor, covetous, hopes to have some cracked chambermaid, or some by preferment, and so gives leave to the exacting Landlord to do as he pleases. In this business the Landlord he is as Lord-general, the Person is as his Horse that he rides, galls, spurs on, and curuetts with as h● pleases: turns him and rules him any way, by a golden Bit, a strong hand, and ticking Spurs. The Bailiff is his Intelligencer, which if he was either strapt, or hanged outright it was no great matter for his news. The Surveyor is his Quartermaster, which goes like a Bear with a Chain at his side, his two or three of the Parishioners, who walk with him, and help him to undo themselves. The poor of the Parish and other places are his chief Pioneres, who like mouldy Worps cast up earth▪ the Parish he either wins by Composition, or famishes by length of time, or batters down by force of his lawless Engines: Most of the Inhabitants are miserably pillaged and undone, he loves to see the bounds of his boundless desires; he is like the Devil, for they both compass the earth about: Enclosures make fat Beasts, & lean poor people; there are three annoyancers of his Flock, the Scab, Thiefs, and a long Rot: Husbandmen he loves not, for he maintains a few sheph●ards with their Curs. He holds those that plough the land cr●ell oppressors, for they wound it he thinks too much, & therefore he intends to lay it down to rest: Well, this I say of him, that when he keeps a good house constantly, surely the World will not last long: There's many one that prays for the end of the one, and I wish it may be so. 4. Tenants by Lease. THere compass ordinarily is three Prentishippes in length, one and twenty years. Once in half a year they must be sure to prepare for payment. New-year's day must not pass over without a presentation of a gift: If the Landlord be either rich, good, religious, or charitable, he feasts their bodies ere Christmas run away. If they see the Ladies or Gentlewomen, or my Lady's Parrot, Baboon, or Monkey, you may know what their talk is of with wonder when they come home again: many fill their Tenants bodies once, but empty their purses all the year long. They take it for no small grace, when the Groom, or the Vnder-cooke, or some such great Officer convey them to the Buttery to drink, they have done Knights service, if they have drunk to the uppermost Gentlewoman: And it's a marvel if they they stand not up to perform this point of Service, or else blush a quarter of an hour after; they ●eeme merry, for most eat simpering: They dare not dislike any meat, nor scarce venture upon a dish that hath not lost the best face or piece before it come thither, many of them Sup better at home, than they Dine here: It's their own folly. He seems to be a Courtier complete, that hath the wit or the face to call for Beer at the Table: their Landlord fetches their Charges out of them ere half the year pass, by getting them to fetch Coal, Wood, or Stone, or other burdens to his House. The Landlord, Bayly, and other Informers are so cunning, that the Tenants shall but live to keep Life and Soul together, if through Poverty and hard Rents they forfeit not their Leases. You may know where they live ordinarily, for Leases run now with this clause usually i● them, they must not let or sell away their right to another. Well, he that hath a good Landlord, a firm Lease, and good ground, prays for his own life, and Landlords▪ and wishes he had had a longer time in his Lease. 5. Tenants at will. THese are Continuers only upon their Master's pleasure▪ their own behaviour, or ability. They are men that will take short warning a quarter of a year, they are like poor Curates in the Country that stand at the old Parson's Liber●m arbitrium. They must study how to please before they speak; when they are discharged, they are like Soldiers cashiered, both want a place of stay or preferment, as they depart suddenly, so they are sure to pay extremely: they are not unlike courtiers, for they often change places: their Landlords love to be upon a sure ground with them, for usually they'll have their Rents before hand, if they come not to be censured for inmates they may abide the longer, they must always bring security where they intent to stay: London is one of the freest places for their abode, without questioning them what they are, for if they pay for their lodging and other charges, they need not remove: they are like unto Servants gone upon a discharge, and they should reckon their places of abode, no heritage: If they be employed in work, and if they will stay at it, they are then most likely to hold their house the longer: they are a degree above a beggar, and one under a Tenant by Lease: many of them will not stay too long in a place, lest they should being▪ ill, be too well known: upon their journeys many prove true Carriers, for they bear their goods, Children and some household stuff: well, they are Tenants at will, but whither good or bad, you that would know must ask their Landlord or them. I wish that yet they may come to be Snails, have an house of their own, over their heads. Winter's the worst quarter to them to shift in. 6. Country Schoolmasters. IF they be well Gound & Bearded, they have two good Apologies ready made; but they are beholden to the Tailor and Barber for both: if they can provide for two pottles of Wine against the next Lectu●e-day, the School being void, there are great hopes of preferment: if he gets the place, his care next must be for the demeanour of his Countenance; he looks over his Scholars with as great and grave a countenance, (as the Emperor over his Army:) He will not at first be overbusy to examine his V●her, for fear he should prove as many Curates, better Scholars than the chief master. As he sits in his seat, he must with a grace turn his Moustaches up; his Sceptre lies not far from him, the Rod: He uses Marshal law most, and the day of execution ordinarily is the Friday: at ●ixe a clock his army all begin to march; at eleven they keep Rendezvouz, and at five or six at night, they take up their quarters: There are many set in Authority to teach youth, which never had much learning themselves; therefore if he cannot teach them, yet his looks and correction shall affright them: But there are some who deserve the place by their worth, and wisdom, who stayed with their Mother the University, until Learning, Discretion, and judgement had ripened them, for the well managing of a School: these I love, respect, and wish that they may have good means either here, or somewhere else: These come from the Sea of Learning, well furnished with rich prizes of Knowledge, and excellent qualities, ballasted they are well with gravity and judgement, well stered by Religion & a good conscience; and these abilities make them the only fit men to govern and instruct tender age; he learns the Cradle to 〈◊〉 several languages & ●its them for places of public note: being thus qualified, 'tis pity he should either want means or employment. 7. Country Ushers. THEY are under the Head-maister, equal with the chief Scholars, and above the lesser boys: he is likely to stay two years before he can furnish himself with a good cloak: They are like unto Lapwings run away from the University, their Nest, w●th their shells on their heads. Metriculation was an hard term for him to understand: and if he proceeded it was in Tenebris: the Chancellor's Seal and Licence for the place, is a great grace to him: At a Sermon you shall see him writing, but if the division of the Text be expressed in Latin terms, than he could not either hear, or not understand, and só oftentimes loses the division of the Text: it's no small credit for him to sit at the neither end of the Table with the Ministers; he seldom speaks there amongst them, unless like a novice he be first asked, and then he expresses his weakness boldly: he goes very far, if he dare stay to drink a cup of Ale when one hour is past: His discourse ordinarily is of his exploits when he went to School: he hath learned enough in the University, if he knows the Figures, and can Repeat the Logical Moods: usually he makes his Sillogismes in Baralipton, if he can make any: He holds Greek for a Heathen language, and therefore never intends to learn it: for Lative, his black clothes are sufficient proofs to the Country-fellowes, that he is well furnished: For Hebrew it would pose him hard to make a difference in writing betwixt Hebraeus and Ebrius; in a word, he is but a great School boy with a little Beard and blackecloathes, and knows better how to whip a Scholar then learn him: if he had been fit for any thing in the University, he had not left her so soon: Yet I confess there are some that deserve better preferment than this, yet accept of it; but its pity that Virtue and Learning are so slightly regarded, and that so rich a jewel should be no better placed. 8. Country Chaplains. THey must do as Marygolds, imitate their Master, as these do the Sun: they are men of Grace before and after Dinner and Supper; they are men that seem desirous of preferment, for they rise before their Lord and Master: their habit is neat, cleanly, if not too curious it's well. In a well governed house, they perform prayer twice a day, to be commended for, because it shows and teaches Zeal, Godliness. Their Sermons are not long, but generally good & pithy▪ their Lord's Respect and favour, makes the Servants to Respect and love them; grave modesty and Learning, with an affable carriage, wins them regard and Reverence: the more private their persons be, the mo●e public their praise: Their Studies generally are their best Closets, and their Books their best Counsellors: Such as these deserve to be made o●▪ but there are others of the same profession, yet much different in Nature, who strive to satisfy and please, even by smothering, counterfeiting, or imitating, their Master's faults, and love the strong Beer Cellar, or a Wine-taverne more than their Studies: whose ambition is to be conversant with the Gentle women, and now and then to let an oath slip with a grace; whose acquaintance and familiarity is most with the Butler, and their care to slip to an Alehouse unseen, with the Servants. Their allowance is good if it be 20. Mark, and their Diet. If they be Married they must be more obsequious and industrious to please, if they come ●ingle, it's a thousand to one but they either be in Love or Married before they go away: I honour both Lord and Chaplain, when they are Godly, and Religious; but I dislike, when either the Lord will not be told of his faults, or the Chaplain will not, or dare not: I love the life when Zeal, Learning and Gravity are the gifts of the Preacher. But I dislike it, when by respects Connivency or Ignorance with Pride keep the Chapel. If they be wise, they will keep close, till they have the Aduouson of a Living, the better they are liked of their Master, and the more store he hath of livings, they have the more hopes of a presentation. It's a great Virtue in their Patron if he do not geld it, or lessen it before they handle it. 9 Alehouses. IF these houses have a Boxe-Bush, or an old Post, it is enough to show their Profeshion. But if they be graced with a Sign complete, it's a sign of good custom: In these houses you shall see the History of judeth, Susan●a, Daniel in the Lion's Den, or Dives & Laz●rus painted upon the Wall▪ It may be reckoned a wonder to see, or find the house empty, for either the Parson, Churchwarden, or Clark, or all; are doing some Church or Court-businesse usually in this place. They thrive best where there are fewest; It is the Host's chiefest pride to be speaking of such a Gentleman, or such a Gallant that was here, and will be again ere long: Hot weather and Thunder, and want of company are the Hostess' grief, for then her Ale sours: Your drink usually is very young, two days old: her chiefest wealth is seen, if she can have one brewing 〈◊〉 another: if ei●her the Hostess, or her D●ughter, or Maid will kiss handsomely at parting, it is a good shooing-horn or Birdlime to draw the Company thither again the sooner. She must be Courteous to all, though not by Nature, yet by her Profession; for she must entertain all, good and bad; Tag, and Rag; Cut, and Long-tail: She suspects Tinkers and poor Soldiers most, not that they will not drink sound, but that they will not pay lustily. She must keep touch with three sorts of men, that is; the Maltman, the Baker, and the justice's Clerks. She is merry, and half made, upon Shrove-tuesday, May-days, feast-days, and Morris dances: A good Ring of Bells in the Parish helps her to many a Tester, she prays the Parson may not be a Puritan: a Bagpiper, and a Puppet-play brings her in Birds that are flush, she defies a Wine-taverne as an upstart outlandish fellow, and suspects the Wine to be poisoned. Her Ale, if new, looks like a misty Morning, all thick; well, if her Ale be strong, her reckoning right, her house clean, her fire good, her face fair, and the Town great or rich; she shall seldom or neversit without Chirping Birds to bear her Company, and at the next Churching or Christening, she is sure to be rid of two or three dozen of Cakes and Ale by Gossipping Neighbours. 10. Apparators. Spiritual business is their Profession, but Carnal matters are their gain and revenues. The sins of the Laity holds them up, Ember-weeks, Visitations and Court-dayes show their Calling and Employment, then shall you see them as quick as Bees in a Summer day: Surrogates, the archdeacon, and the Chancellor, they dare not offend: they live upon Intelligence; they have much business with the Churchwardens and Sides-men, they ride well furnished with Citations, and sometime Excommunications: They are glad if they can hear of any one that teaches School, or read Prayers in that Diocese without a special Licence, they are to Peccant Wenches, as bad Scarecrows, as Bailiffs be to desperate Debtors. The Curate must read Prayers on Wednesdays and Friday's formaliter, sub paena of a further Charge: they are sworn to their Office before admitted, but being admitted, oftentimes they dispense with the Oath: sometimes they have eyes, and are tongue-tied; sometimes they have tongues, and are blind: But without Fees they will see too much, and speak more; and fetch men into their Courts with a Coram nomine. Yet though they do much abuse their office, they make many afraid to sin, either for fear o● shame, punishment, or charges: Whatsoever shift a man or woman make for moneys, yet they are sure to pay for their faults here. And if he be any thing in Age, th●n in the Court he wears a furred Gown, and ordinarily cries Peace, peace there, when in his heart he means no such matter. 〈◊〉 are like a company of straggling Sheep, or unruly Goats, for they will never agree, or be under one Shepherd. Most commonly when they go to the Visitation, they Ride on poor jades, and their accoutrements an old Saddle, one Stirrup, a Spur without a Rowel, a black box, and an Office Seal: if the Wench that's in fault, want moneys to pay her Fees, they'll take their pennyworths in flesh: Well, their Office is none of the best, and yet is it oftentimes too good for the Master. When all Wenches prove Honest, they may beg, but as long as Venus' Rules, they will be sure to find employment. 11. Constables. THere names imply that they should be constant and able for the discharge of their Office: They have the command of four places of note, the Stocks, the Cage, the Whipping post, and the Cucking-stool: they appoint & command the Watchmen with their rusty Bills to walk Circuit; and do also send hue and cries af●er Male▪ factors. They are much employed in four occasions; at Musters, at pressing forth of Soldiers, at quarter Sessions, and Assizes: their Office many times make them proud and crafty: if they be angry with a poor man, he is sure to be preferred upon the next Service: The Ale houses had best hold correspondency with them: they are Bugbears to them that wander without a Pass. Poor Soldiers are now and then helped to a Lodging by their means: They'll visit an Alehouse under colour of Search, but their desire is to get Beer of the Company, and then if they be but mean men, they Master them; and they answer them, Come pay, with this usual Phrase, yo● ●re not the men wee▪ 〈◊〉 for; and demand of the Hostess if she have 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 in her having got their de●re, they 〈◊〉 with this Compliment▪ 〈◊〉 if 〈◊〉 business 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉, we would 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 we must 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 places vp● 〈◊〉, it is▪ 〈◊〉▪ 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 King▪ and so 〈◊〉 with the 〈◊〉 of the hone● Com●ny, & laughter 〈◊〉 them●. It's a 〈◊〉 to one if they 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉▪ but they will 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 Bills 〈◊〉 sixed▪ and 〈◊〉 down laid 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 such matter; a fine trick to get money by their place. They should seem to be either very poor, or covetous, or crafty men; for they put their Charges always upon the Parish: If an account happen to be among the Parishioners when such a thing, or such a thing was done; they'll answer, in the same year, o● there about, I was Constable, in thinking thereby to set forth their own Credit. I lea●e them, wishing them to be good in their Offic●, it is not long they h●ue to stay in it. 12. Currantoes ●r ●eekly News. THese commonly begin with Vienna and end wi●h Antwerpt: The Spanish & French affairs must not be left out: The three names that grace their Letters, are the Swedes, Tilly's, or Imperialists: ordinarily they have as many Leyes as Lines, they use to lie (as weatherbeaten Soldiers) upon a Bookbinder's stall, they are new and old in si●e days: they are busy fellows, for they meddle with other men's Affairs: No Pope, Emp●rour, or King, but must be touched by their pen: Nay they use to interline some great exploit at Sea betwixt the Hollander and D●nkerker, or else betwixt the Hollander and Spaniard, at the Cape or the straits of Magellan, and usually they conclude with this Phrase, The Admiral or Vice-admiral of our side, gave a ●road side to the utter over throw of the Spaniard, with so many men hurt, such a Rich prize taken, such a Ship sunk, or fired: Being faithfully translated out of the Dutch copy, with the first and second Part, like Ballads. And these are all conceits ordinarily, which their own idle brain, or busy fancies, upon the blocks in Paul's, or in their Chambers invented: They have used this trade so long, that now every one can say, it's even as true as a Currantoe, meaning that it's all false. Now Swedens' and the Emperor's War in Germany, is their Storehouse, with how 〈◊〉, Hamburgh, Leipsich, bream, and the other Hans-Townes affect the King's Majesty's procee-●dings: If a Town be Beleaguered, or taken, than they never take care, but how they may send thei● Leyes fast enough, and far enough: Well, they are politic, not to be descried, for they are ashamed to put their names to their Books. If they write good News of our side, it is seldom true; but if it be bad, it's always almost too true. I wish them either to write not at all, or less, or more true; the best news is when we hear no News. FINIS.