A Subtle practice, wrought in Paris by Friar Francis, who to deceive Friar Donnet of a sweet skinned Nun which he secretly kept, procured him to go to Rome, where he told the Pope a notable lie concerning the taking of the king of France prisoner by the Duke de Maine:  
For which, they whipped each other so grievously in Rome, that they died thereof within two days after.  
LONDON Printed for Thomas Nelson. 1590.   

I Have at length (gentle cozen) obtained some leisure to acquaint you with the condition of my welfare, which I assure you to be far better, than the usual uncertainty of a traveler. For departing out of England under the right Honourable the Lord Willoughbies protection, we happily arrived at Deep in France within a little while after, whence marching unto the frontiers of the enemy, we shared our fortunes in those famous achievements that attended the stations of the invincible Henry of Bourbon, which hot pursuit of Honour once slackte, I took my way to Caen in Normandy, where I have remained ever since, in what state you may imagine by my old wont, merry I thank God, how ever the devil now and then, somewhat youthfully disposed makes a dancing school in the bottom of my purse for a whole week together. But that's but Fortune de la guerre, as the knave of clubs said when he was banished the Town, Wherefore to come to the purpose of my promise at our parting, (which was to send you such news as this Country brought forth) so it is that since the late battle we have had nothing worth the noting, save only this, which is pleasant to some, though irksome to others. At what time the king lay in leaguer of Paris against the dastard traitor the Main, the said recreant Duke had amongst his holy orders two wel-fedde Friars, whereof the one was his bawdy ghostly father, and principal confessor, the other was his chuffe-headed Chaplain, and chief shaveling in ordinary. The first of them (whom they hight Friar Donnet) was in love with a smug fast Nun, about some nineteen years of age, as good a wench as ever hard Mass at high midnight, which fat Francis espying (for so was the younger called) began likewise to lick his lips after her, and slaver out his love in sighs as well as he could, but seeing no way to compass it, as long as his better was in place, and considering what infinite store of Crowns old Donnet coffered up by confessing in the time of the Parisians distress, and what credit he was in with the Duke, he cast a thousand plats in his head, how to displace him of all three at once, but none of them all would come off half roundly to his contentment a long time. In the end it so fell out that Mounsieur Scackerton to revenge his father's death, made a little breach into the City, and with some few of his followers slew many of the League then fast a sleep, in which confused conflict, there was such a monstrous hurly burly in the City, that all the town was in an uproar, and know not what should become of them. Amongst them that feared most was this foresaid Nun with breathless Donnet, that had her in shrift betwixt the sheeets at the self same hour, which made the quaking Friar call to his fellow Francis lying in the next chamber, and asked him what was the reason of that turmoil, who answered he knew not as yet, but he would go and inquire, within half an hour after, he came in blowing and puffing, and told him a long tale of a tub, how the King entering the City, was taken by a common soldier, and presented as prisoner to the Duke de Maine, as then in the market place. Now says he brother Donnet if you will win your spurs for ever, and behave yourself like a right man of God in deed, get you packing presently to Rome, and be the first that shall tell his holiness of this good service, so shall you both come to exceeding promotion yourself, and be able to pleasure all your friends as you list. The ravished Friar ouerioyed with this opportunity, and greedy of Honour and thanks which he hoped to reap by his message, made no more ado but resigned his office, and sister in bed to Friar Francis both at once, saying if he never returned his was the gain, for he knew by inspiration, that great was the preferment which tended his news. Francis excused himself that the charge was overmighty for him to go through with, and that there were many fit men to under go it then he, yet thrice it had pleased him of his own free motion, to make ●ho●● of him before all other, he would endeavour to discharge it as well as he could. Many words of kindness to this effect passed betwixt them, but the night far spent and Donnet in haste of his journey, reached his pigsney a dry kiss, and so departed through Aix, by shipping to ●heithen, and from thence took post to Rome, where he was no sooner alighted, but he roused up his reverence, and new gla●●●… h●● lips with the linen, that he might kiss the Pope's toe with commendation, wherein he failed not a whit, for meeting his holiness as he went to Saint Peter to hear mass, he ●●●kt down so low as his garters would let him, and with a ●●●●●…es mouth let fly at his slipper. Then began he with a 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 es grace to discourse the late conquest of Leaguer de Maine, against that Huguenot Henry of Bourbon, who in a single combat had overcome him, and took him prisoner most bravely, to the great advantage of the sea Apostolic, and utter discom●●●●●● of all usurping heretics, amplifying by the way of an ●onicall Prosopopeia, what despairing lamentations were made for him, by the English excommunicats, and the outlaws of Geneva, and in the Epilogue of his eloquence, her protested such allegiance, as if he would dispute with the devil in defence of the papacy. The gorgeous controller of Princes that all this while had attended his speech, attracted such inward joy from this tale of success, that he commanded Mass to be sung in every church, bonfires to be made in the streets, and a solemn procession to be held throughout Rome, in which he himself marched along to Saint Angelos, under a rich canapy supported by four Cardinals, sprinkling the beholders with holy water all the way he went. Neither was Donnet a small property in this pageant, for he had the bearing of the principallest Cross that day, allotted him in honour of his travail, whiles these things thus were a doing in Italy, the King entered battle with the Main, and by the wondered working of Heaven, (as it is not unknown in England) chased him the field, and made him retire for rescue to Mentz, in the habit of a common soldier, where it is said he took sanctuary. Through which accidental mishap Friar Francis with his Nun now put to their shifts, and not hearing what was become of the Duke, determined to try the courtesy of other Countries, since they found so little safety in their own. But amorous Brigetta, that longed after the first customer, persuaded him to convert his course unto Rome, whereto he easily condescended. As they were thus on their way, the Duke du Maine, despairing in his awkward proceedings, and quite confounded in his forlorn chivalry, wrote lamentable letters to his holiness, by one monsieur Below a french man, wherein he passionately reported his ill fortune, and dismal discomfiture, cursing the stars that did boade him such bitter mishap, and the day that gave light to that luckless disgrace. These letters came to the Pope in the midst of this triumphs and honours done to Friar Donnet, that now was in good hope to be Cardinal. But he came short of his longing, for when his beatitude beheld this baleful discourse, and with throbbing heart had perused those pitiful contents, he called me his messenger in question, who with trembling told him, that whatsoever he had reported proceeded from one Friar Francis, that had thus informed him, and that he knew of nothing but by him. By this time was the said Francis with his Nun come to Rome, and there thought to anchor secure from all encumbrances of war, but alack for pity, that might not be, his partner had espied him, and he must needs come before the Pope, where being examined upon the cause and the Duke's letter shown in the nick, he was so confounded in his five senses, that strait he confessed all the knavery, and appealed to the court for mercy. Yet notwithstanding there conjoined submission, they were adjudged for penance of their presumption, to go barefoot and barelegde through Rome, and whip each other with whips of wire up and down the City, which the day following he performed very faithfully. For Friar Donnet angered at the heart at Friar Francis, to hear his treacherous conveyance about the Nun, cursed himself a thousand times that he had not a two hand whip to torment him, yet with that short weapon that he had, he belabored him indifferently, and Francis on the other side wounded him with his wiry wasters so well favouredly, that his back spat blood in his face at every stripe he gave him, who so hath seen two jacks in a clockhouse striking high noon with their opposite hammers may well conceive this antic resemblance. Donnet he behaved himself like an old Fencer, that fetcheth his blow with a flourish, one while setting his right leg forward as though he lay at back-sworde, he would aim at a bone in stead of a button, anotherwhile framing his toe to the turn, he would bring his whip about his head with a whisk, and pierce through his thick skin coat into the inner regions of his ribs. Francis thinking this was very foul play to come behind a man and strike him like a coward, and finding by proof how painful it was to dance to this three stringed music, raised up himself on all ten like a gander, and gave him such an item over the shoulders, that he had littie need of any other Phlebothome in two months after, for it came so edglong, that it discarded all the skin from the neck to the middle, and put Donnet besides his fence with the sudden amazement, yet casting his eyes on his sweet Nun that went along by them he fell to it a fresh, & made such furrous in his fat brother's flesh, as a man might have seen through the flesh to the bones: and he likewise laid such load on my confessors curets, that he lost above two lash of wire in the loins of his back, whose rawbond ridges showed in all points so like a red lattice, that if a tinker had seen them he would undoubtedly have mistook him for an alehouse. To be short, in this mutual combat continued they for the space of three hours, till the weariness of their strength and extremity of anguish, constrained them to rest. But so unspeakable was their pain (as it is reported here in Caen) that what with sorrow for their fault, & shame of their punishment they died within two days after. Thus have you heard in as brief sort as I could, the cometragical history of these unfortunate Friars, which is so laughed at here, and so much moaned elsewhere. When I have more news I will send you more, in the mean time be merry with this, which I assure you for the substance of it is true, although it fail in some circumstance, and so for this time I take my leave, hoping to see you ere long in England.  
From Caen in Normandy by your friend. L. R.  
FINIS.