A Plot, and no Plot, A COMEDY, As it is Acted at the Theatre-Royal, IN DRURY-LANE.  
Written by Mr. DENNIS.  
Militiae quamvis piger & malus, utilis urbi,  
Si das hoc, parvis quoque rebus magna Juvari.  Horace Epist. 
LONDON, Printed for R. Parker, at the Sign of the Unicorn under the Royal Exchange in Cornhill: P. Buck, at the Sign of the Temple, near the Inner Temple Gate, Fleetstreet: and R. Wellington, at the Lute in St. Paul's Churchyard.  
There is lately published,  
The Provoked Wife, A Comedy by the Author of the Relapse.  
In a few days will be published, The Novelty, being a Pastoral, Comedy, Masque, Tragedy, and Farce, by Mr. Motteux, and other Hands. Sold by Richard Parker, and Peter Buck.   

To His Excellency ROBERT, Earl of Sunderland, Lord Chamberlain of his Majesty's Household, one of the Lords of his Majesty's most Honourable Privy Council, one of the Lords Justices, and Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Garter.  
My Lord,  
GRatitude, as well as Justice, requires, that a Poet should address his Labours to him, who procures the advancement of his Art; And 'tis sufficiently known, that 'tis in a great measure to the wisdom of your Lordship's Counsels, that we own the near prospect of a glorious Peace, which alone can make Poetry flourish: A prospect without which we Writers, should be as men in the world without hope; hope which is the present happiness of the wretched, and their earnest of future felicity.  
My Lord, the indefatigable pains, and the unwearied diligence which your Lordship has used in the advancing that Peace, and your entering at this happy Conjuncture, upon that high office, which brings those who writ for the Stage, immediately under your jurisdiction, give us assurances of what we may expect from your Lordship's future protection.  
'Twas immediately after that Maecenas had secured repose to the world, and it's disputed Empire to Augustus, that he begun to animate those mighty geniuses, which were equal to the Majesty of the Roman people.  
My Lord, when we, who writ for the Stage, cast our Eyes around us, we conclude unanimously, that if we ourselves were to choose our protector, we should be proud to make the same choice which the King has already made for us. Tho at the same time I humbly beg leave to acquaint your Lordship, that neither your Birth, nor Rank, nor your Capacity for affairs▪ though this is great, as those are illustrious, could determine us to that choice. No, my Lord, you have qualities which weigh more with us, than all those glorious advantages; and those are, the fineness of your discernment, in matters of Wit and Eloquence, and the delicacy of your taste; qualities by which we hope to get the better of the Enemies of the Commonwealth of Learning, which are cold versifiers and false Critics, as by the wisdom of your Lordship's Counsels, we have humbled the Enemies of the State.  
The forementioned qualities, which are so conspicuous in your Lordship, are such alone as can capacitate a great man to protect good Writers, and which alone can gain him their homage. For that which animates them in their undertake is, chief the thirst of Glory, and they desire to be distinguished as well as supported; and therefore are proud when they can at any time address themselves to a Judge, who never yet conferred his favours upon one who was undeserving of them, and the reputation of whose Authentic applause, may serve at once to confirm their Friends, and to convert their Enemies.  
That I have at least the Ambition of such Writers, no man can doubt, who sees me Subscribe myself,  
My Lord, Your Lordship's Most humble, and Most devoted Servant, John Dennis.   

Advertisement to the Reader.  
THE following Play was at first designed a Farce: But when I considered that the design of it, was both just and important, as well as it is entirely new, I altered my intention, and resolved to make it low Comedy, which it now is, and perhaps the most regular of all our Low Comedies. The Action is one and entire, the incidents parts of that Action, and naturally or probably produce one another; and the very last is the genuine result of the first. The Scenes are connected and dependant, each of them upon the following and the preceding, so that if you retren●b or transpose but one of them, you destroy, or maim, or confound the Action; and they all of them gradually advance that Action, and bring on the Catastrophe. At the same time I have endeavoured to reconcile variety to unity, and to make the business of every act different from the preceding. The Characters are all of them absolutely necessary, and if you take away any one of them, there can be no Action and no Comedy. The unity of Time is exactly observed. For the time of the Action is precisely the same with that of the representation. That of place is not kept so strictly: For upon the account of Novelty, I laid the Scene of the Second Act in the Playhouse, and the effect has been so happy, that I can hardly repent it. Yet, even in relation to unity of place, this is one of the most regular of our Comedies. But regularity in a Comedy, signifies little without Diversion. The Reader himself is the only judge of the last. As for the Spectators, though, by reason of the advanced Season, and the extremity of the heat, which when the Play was first acted was intolerable, we have not had such numerous assemblies as might have been expected in Winter; yet as long as I have known the Playhouse I never saw the Company there in letter humour.   

PROLOGUE,  Spoken by Joe Hains. 
DO you 〈◊〉? You Prompter! You may spare your pains,  
The Devil shall hearken to you, before Jo Hains.  
Whine out your Prologue in your Canting tone,  
But tell your Poet I shall speak my own,  
For, Sirs, the Impudent Author of this day,  
Has put my sacred person in his Play,  
He fancies too the Picture's like, they say.  
'Tis true, these very Roguish Eyes he draws,  
And paints this very Snout, and these grim jaws,  
But Satan's Horny Forehead, and his Claws.  
To show me as a Sinner had been civil;  
But 'Zounds, be represents me like a Devil.  
Now, Sirs, to treat me still a scurvier way,  
This part they've got one Penkethman to play.  
For that I d act it crimp they apprehended,  
And so, as Gad shall judge me, I intended.  
Yet, who but I should be desired to day,  
To recommend this Embryo of a Play!  
And thus I praise it in the modern way!  
For as some Demigods, which Painters show,  
Are Gods above, but very Beasts below,  
So praise, which best you taste and understand,  
Carries a bloody Libel underhand.  
This Play, they say then, in a little space  
Of time was writ, and a damned scurvy place.  
The time Six weeks, the place I have forgot:  
Dammee, this Brandy makes a man a sot.  
Were but the Author here, perhaps he'd tell you,  
'Twas in some Coffee-house in Exchange-alley.  
A place of late to Epic Muse well known,  
Perhaps that 'twas composed in's Coach he'd own,  
But that alas poor Devil he has none  
For Muse is served by Modern Bard, as Whore  
By Modern Beau at Chocolate-house door.  
Where swinging Hack with simpathetick motion,  
Bows to the sacrificing Sparks Devotion.  
Then secondly, to lease both Wise and Fools  
Here, they say, Whimsey's reconciled to Rules.  
But what wise Woman in the month of May,  
Does not prefer the gallant, strong, and gay,  
Who ruffles her in wild's, and th' open face of day;  
Before the precise 〈◊〉 who 〈◊〉 delight,  
To lawful Sheets, and the dull decent night▪  
As for my own part, Lord, what Drabs I touse,  
Rather than take just pastime with my Spouse.  
Now, though this Play perhaps may show no brains,  
Yet spare this Prologue, which was writ by Hains.  
Writ? Where? In Coach? No: When got drunk with Sherry,  
Among the Putney Pikes, and wondrous merry,  
In Chelsea reach, I writ it in a Wherry.   

The PERSONS.  

Bull s. A Banker; Father to Bull j and Uncle to Mr Belvil, and Guardian to Belu. and Sylvia. Mr. Dogget.  
Bull j His Son, just arrived from France. Mr. Cibber.  
Belvil, Nephew and Pupil to Bull s. and in Love with Sylvia. Mr. Harland.  
Baldernoe, A Player in Disguise. Mr. Penkethman.  
Rumour, A News-monger Mr. Hains.  
Macfleer, A Bully. Mr. Lee.  
A very young Beau. Miss Allison.  
Greg. Servant to Bull s.  
Brush, Servant to 〈◊〉.  
Sylvia, A young Lady, Ward to Bull s. and designed for his Son by him, but engaged to Belvil. Mrs. Rogers.  
Frowzy, A Campaigning Bawd just arrived from Flanders. Mr. Bullock.  
Friskit, Her Daughter. Mrs. Kent.  
Servants, Shame Officers, Fiddlers, Dancing Masters, etc.   Scene Covent Garden.  

ACT I. SCENE A Garden.  Enter Belvil, and Baldernoe disguised. Bald. 
DOes my Disguise become me? Ha!  Belu. 
Every Disguise becomes thee: Thou hast a comprehensive genius for Roguery.  Bald. 
Nay, I thank my Stars, I have made a shift to make myself a sort of a name.  Belu. 
An immortal one: Thy merit is so extraordinary that Fame cannot do thy actions too much right, and Fortune can do thy designs no wrong; but that which is most to be valued in thee, is, that thou art the only Rogue alive who never pretended to be honest; other Rascals own their success to Virtue. Thou alone hast a genius to go through thy business without the help of Hypocrisy.  Bald. 
No, 'sbud, I never pretended to Honesty, I set up for Religion once.  Belu. 
Why ay, there's it; so sudden a setting up for Religion in so vicious a Dog as thou art, was to renounce Morality by a public act.  Bald. 
But, for what reason, Mr. Belvil, have I Baldernoe, by vocation Player, Dancing-master, Mountebank and Solicitor, Pimp, Poet and Fortune-teller; for what reason have I quitted all these to turn Lackey to Mr. Belvil?  Belu. 
Why you must— But look you, you had need be very dexterous and very well assured; for you are to pass for an important person upon—  Bald. 
Very dexterous! and very well assured! Ha', ha', ha', look in my face, and give me that counsel! Do you know what this modest Gentleman has done with in these three days? 'Sbud I baffled an impudent Irish Chancery-man in his own blundering way; I put Eikon Basilike out of conceit with himself, and damnably out of countenance; I caldesed a Judge while he was taking my Depositions, and I bantered a Bishop while I was ask him blessing.  Belv 
Very well!  Bald. 
And then for passing for an important person; do you know, Sir, that in France once I palm'd this Identical person of mine for Quality upon my Friend Lewis? Do you know this, hah! And that at Rome I topped Signior Giusippe, wicked Signior Giusippe, Pagan Signior Giusippe, for a Saint upon old Infallibility. But, what is it I must do for you?  Belu. 
The Garden in which we are walking, you must know, belongs to my Uncle: You have heard of the famous Mr. Bull?  Bald. 
What, the great Banker, who is every Spring and Fall regularly clapped up for a Plot?  Belu. 
The same: And who first gave his Brethren the noble example of refusing their own Bills.  Bald 
He, who has Colonel Medley's five thousand pounds in his hands?  Belu. 
Yes, and refuses to pay his old friend, and one of the warmest of his own party, one poor hundred pounds, though he has all his fortune by him. This Uncle you must know, has not only the right of Guardianship over me, but the disposal of me in Marriage; and if I refuse the Wife that he provides for me, than the one half of my Estate to descend to my younger Brother.  Bald. 
And remain in your Uncle's hands till your Brother comes of Age?  Belu. 
This Uncle is Guardian at the same time to a Lady whose name is Sylvia, who is at present in the house, and is just come to Town by his own order: He has over her much the same advantage which he has over me. But, see, he comes.  Enter Old Bull, looking on his Watch. Bull sen. 
Let me see! 'Tis now turned of four. Oh Nephew, you are punctual: But, hay day! whom have we here?  Belu. 
'Tis my new Servant, Sir.  Bull s. 
Faith and troth I have seen that face somewhere. Zounds! what a Lees was there● In that single cast was the villainy of twenty Stook-jobbers.  Bald. 
I can't help my face Sir; but I was never accused of doing any thing against my Conscience.  Bull s. 
Here's a Rogue! Here's an impudent Dog! Perhaps Sirrah you he no Conscience.  Bald. 
Not so much, I must confess, as your Worship: My Conscience is not so large, but that I can carry it about me  Bull s. 
The very modesty of this fellow is impudence.  Bald. 
But I can hardly be said to want Conscience, because, like your Worship● I am contented with what I have.  Bull s. 
What horrible Rogue is this? Gadsbud I am amazed! Sirrah, I say you do want Conscience.  Belu. 
Why faith, old Gentlaman, if he did want Conscience, 'twere a hard case to despise any single person for poverty, at a time when there is no body rich. You know Conscience at years of discretion is become a notion and nothing else, as very a Chimera as is a Maidenhead at years of discretion; they both pass away in contemplation as soon as we come to know what they are.  Bull s. 
Say you so Sir? A very hopeful young Dog I have to deal with! But come Sir, are you resolved to do what I expect you shall do to morrow?  Belu. 
To morrow Sir! Marry to morrow!  Bull s. 
To morrow Sir! Marry to morrow! Ay, ay, to morrow, to morrow. hay day! what a Devis here to do? why pray Sir, who am I? Ay, come Sirrah▪ I say who am I?  Belu. 
Who are you Sir?  Bull s. 
Ay Sir, I say who am I?  Belu. 
Why don't you know, old Gentleman?  Bull s. 
It may be not, Sir.  Belu. 
Faith it may be so too, Sir: For if thou didst but know thyself never so little, thou wouldst never talk at so damned a rate. Marry to morrow! why dost thou not know, old Gentleman, that Marriage and Death are two things of which a wise man will consider all his life time? and would you provide me a Matrimonial noose, with as little ceremony as a Grand Signior sends a Bassa a Bowstring? 'Sdeath! let me executed at least like an Englishman; let me have fair warning, time to prepare for another world, to take leave of my friends, and so be trussed up with decency.  Bull s. 
Sirrah! hast thou no way to show thou art no Blockhead, but by railing at Matrimony, the vilest Common-place of the most abandoned Fop that ever set up for a Wit!  Belu. 
But, pray Sir, what sort of Woman have you provided for me? perhaps I can't love her.  Bull s. 
Why, you impudent Dog, do you take me for a Pimp? Zounds! not love her, quoth a! why who the Devil, at this time of day, ever so much as thinks of love, the day that he hears of Matrimony: however, she whom I have provided for you is no Scarecrow, Sir, but one who has Wit and Beauty Sir, and is absolutely the finest bred Gentlewoman in all Cumberland.  Belu. 
Nay, then, she must needs be a glorious Creature, and her name is—  Enter Rumour hastily. Rum. 
Mr. Bull, I have something of importance to impart to you, and must desire your ear immediately.  Bull s. 
With all my heart, old Boy! Little Rumour of the world! my dapper Intelligencer! 'twere a, hard case, if a man should not have one ear at his service, who has so often ventured both for his friends. Nephew! I'll be for you immediately.  [Bull and Rumour whisper on one side of the Stage. Bald. 
to Belu. S'bud! I shall be infallibly discovered; Rumour will certainly know me.  Belu. 
Peace! he does know thee, and is here by my appointment to prepare the way for you. But what do you think of my Uncle? you have now had time to observe him.  Bald. 
What do I think of him? why, before Rumour came in, I took him for a whimsical hare-brained Coxcomb, but now he is come to his politics, s'bud he looks very wisely, and very circumspectly. And if this is the man I have to deal with, let me tell you, I shall have a hard—  Belu. 
Thou art an Ass! a man who looks sometimes very wisely, is certainly sometimes a very Coxcomb, and never so much a Coxcomb, as when he looks very wisely; he who is truly wise is equal, and appears for the most part alike.  Bald. 
Nay, Mr. Belvil, your Uncle is not the only fool of our acquaintance who sometimes looks grave and wise.  Belu. 
No, not by a hundred: a Gown and Gravity frequently disguise a Blockhead. Folly has its Hypocrisy as well as Vice, and it is as common a thing to see a Sot grave, as a Villain devout.  Bald. 
Or a Drab squeamish.  Belu. 
As if Wisdom maliciously sat on his outside, on purpose to inform the world that he is an Ass within; like a Spy that repairs to the enemy's frontiers, purposely in order to make discoveries, and to convey back Intelligence. For my Uncle, thou shalt attack him to choose, in the midst of his gravity and of his politics, and when he most depends on his own sufficiency, thou shalt dextrously make that self-conceit an accessary in his Trepan.  Bull s. 
aside. (On the other side of the Stage) A pox of this Intelligencer! He stinks worse than Baldernoe, my Nephew's Footman. It is not the least inconveniency that attends us, great Statesmen, that we are forced to stand buff against all the various whiffs that come puffing from our politic Whisperers: This morning I was attacked by two at once; one whispered in my right Ear a French invasion, at the same time that the other communicated a Scotch Rebellion to my left. The one of which had swallow'd Garlic, and the other at that very instant, Gadsbud, was chewing Tobacco.  Rum. 
For godsake what is the matter with you, Mr. Bull?  Bull s. 
Horribly attacked with Vapours on the sudden.  Rum. 
Once more your Ear, Mr Bull.  Bull. 
Prithee my dapper Intelligencer, since we are out of that Rogue my Nephews hearing, speak a little louder.  Rum. 
We Politicians, Mr. Bull, hold that even Walls have ears.  Bull s. 
Gadsooks let them: As long as they have no Tongues, I warrant they keep a secret.  Rum. 
Once more your ear, Mr. Bull.  Bull s. 
A pox on thee, take it then. (They whisper.) Already landed!  (In the Ear.) Rum. 
I say already landed.  (In the Ear.) Bull s. 
Colonel Macruby, and Brigadier Bloody-bones, and the Countess and her Daughter, whom Fame reports so beautiful?  Rum. 
All landed I say.  (In the Ear.) Bull s. 
And a French Marquis come over to be the chief Agent?  Rum. 
The famous Marquis De Mascarille!  Bull s. 
Oh blessed news! oh joyful hearing! Well, for this, my little Rumour, we will sup together to night: for thou, my Bully, getst thy living like Fame, and art nourished by Intelligence. But at present I must desire thy absence, for I have business with my Nephew.  Exit Rumour. 
To Belu. Well Sir; what say you to the business?  Belu. 
Why, pray who is the business, Sir?  Bull s. 
Who is the business, Sir? Why the business is Justice Dowdy's Daughter, Sir.  Belu. 
'Sdeath! and would you have me linked to that Northern Monster?  Bull s. 
Sirrah! by the contempt you show for her, I should swear you were already linked to her, but that I know she is hardly yet come to Town: But I expect her with her Father by eight. And my will and pleasure is, that you wait upon her as soon as she comes, for you are to be married to morrow to her.  Belu. 
But perhaps my affections are engaged.  Bul s. 
Yes, to Sylvia, we know your engagements Sir: But I charge you see her no more till to morrow, when she and my Son Batt are to be dispatched by the same Black-coat who is to do your business.  Belu. 
Why, he has not been three days in England yet, nor she five in Town: She never saw him yet, and when she does see him, she will certainly laugh at him.  Bull s. 
You are very saucy methinks, Sir: But if she thinks him a Fool she ●ll marry him to choose; for a Fool is the fittest thing for a Woman.  Belu. 
The fittest? ay, for some Women indeed.  Bull s. 
For all, sirrah, for all: Do we not see that they are all fond of Fools? and do you think Nature has not given them affections for what is convenient for them, as well as she has given the rest of the Animals?  Belu. 
Was there ever such an old Beast? aside. But let me tell you Sir, there is such a thing as a wise Woman. And Sylvia—  Bull. s. 
But let me tell you, Sir, a wise Woman is still a Woman. We see by experience, that a wise Woman, will choose a fellow indeed that has sense for her Parlour, but a Fool, you Dog, for her Bedchamber.  Belu. 
Then it is not their folly, it seems, that makes Women fond of Fools?  Bull. s. 
Their folly; no, 'tis their prudence Sir, and the genius which they have for business. Much contemplation hinders business Sirrah and they know it well. Why should nature, that can as easily make a wise man as a fool, make a hundred fools for one wise man, if she did not know the fools to be most proper for the carrying on her grand design?  Belu. 
Nay, at this rate indeed your Son—  Bull s. 
I tell you Sirrah, when Sylvia sees Batt she'll like him; for Bats a lusty Dog, let me tell you; a confounded fellow on occasion! Gadsbud, if he is not, he is no Bull, Sirrah! Gadsbud if he is not, he is a Bastard on both sides. His Mother was a Hummer in her time, and the Jade would kick between sleeping and waking, like an unbacked Filly.  Enter Boy. Boy. 
Sir, one from Colonel Medley would speak with you  Bull s. 
Sirrah, conduct him in.  Belu. 
(Aside.) am glad this Bully is come, for my patience is quite at an end. I suppose Sir (to Bull. s.) I may be gone.  Bull. s 
Sirrah, I tell you you must not, I have not done with you yet.  Enter Macfleer. Macf. 
Sir, the importance of my business will excuse my want of ceremony. Colonel Medley sends you this with his service.  [While Bull s. opens the Letter, Belvil retires with Baldernoe to the other side of the Stage. Bald. 
Sbud! The very Bully that was with the Colonel and us at the Rose but now. Is the part that I taught him there● to be acted here?  Belu. 
It is: In the meanwhile step into the house, and deliver this as dexterously as you can to Sylvia.  Ex. Bald. Bull. s. (Reads the Letter.) Some persons come lately from France, are just arrived in Town; I desire that you would provide Lodgings only for to night, at your own House, for a French Marquis, an English Countess and her Daughter: For with you I am confident they may be safe. You must not resuse me this, if you love me or the Cause. The Bearer of this is one of their Company, and though at present somewhat rough, is a man of Merit and has suffered. He will conduct you to me, where I desire to speak with you instantly. Bull s. 
(After having read the Letter) Gadsooks, Sir, you are welcome, and I am proud to embrace a man that has suffered.  Macf. 
Faith Sir, I have both done and suffered, My name is Macfleer: I had formerly the honour to be Captain General of all the Rapparees in Ireland; where in cutting above five thousand Throats, I received above fifty Wounds; besides that, I was twice hanged in the Woods of Tiperary, but relieved both times by our own party and cut down in the nick.  Bull. s. 
Twice hanged, Sir!  Macf. 
Twice, Sir.  Bull. s. 
Gadsbud, Sir, I honour you. Five thousand Throats cut! (aside) and twice hanged! Well! This is in our modern English, a perfect honest man▪ How do all your friends abroad, Sir?  Macf. 
Faith, lusty all, and longing to be with you. Hark you! Your Ear, Mr. Bull.  (whispers) Bull. s. 
All embarked say you? Forty thousand!  Macf. 
Before I came away I tell you, and only expecting—  (whispers again!) Bull. s. 
Gadsooks, I will be very drunk to night.  Macf. 
The next news you are to expect is, that your Ships are burnt in their Harbours, your Towns consumed to ashes.  Bull. 
La Lol, Dera, Lol Dera.  (Capers.) Macf. 
Then will you behold this City flowing with human gore, your Virgins ravished, your Matrons violated, and your Widows— well diverted. But time calls upon us, and the Colonel stays.  Bull. s. 
Sir, take but one turn, and 'll'le be with you in a moment. I have but two words with an idle Rascal here.  (Macfleer walks.) Belu. 
Well! Come, Sir, to the Premises, what say you to the Justice's Daughter.  Belu. 
What do I say, Sir! why, that you are a fine facetious old Gentleman, and rally very agreeably.  Enter Baldernoe. Bull s. 
Oh Lord! Oh Lord! Here's a Rogue! Here's a Villain! A fine facetious old Gentleman and rally very agreeably! Why, thou young Dog, art thou resolved to bring my grey Hairs with sorrow to the Grave! Have I lived to a good old Age without infamy, and must I be dubbed a Wit at threescore! The first of the Family of the Bulls that ever incurred that ignomy. The Bulls have been always gave—  Bald. 
Blockheads.  (aside) Bull. s. 
And politic—  Bald. 
Rascals.  (aside) Bull. s. 
But no Wits, Sirrah. 'Tis well known that I am so far from a Wit, that a Songster who frequents Will's Coffee House, threatened to bring an Action of scandal against me for commending his Madrigals. But, come to the point: Will you comply with me or not? or are you resolved to be an Ass?  Belu. 
I shall be no Ass, Sir, for I shan't marry: Can you in Conscience marry me to one whom I contemn and detest?  Bull s. 
Humph! Can I in conscience? There I must confess thou hast touched me, Nephew. For the universal World I would not do a thing against Conscience. Marry one whom I contemn and dearest! Humph▪ Other people contemn and detest after Marriage; but here's a Rogue detests and contemns before Marriage. Why, 'tis but detesting and contemning a month before the usual time, and for that very reason thou shalt have her, old Boy, that thou mayst not be taxed with inconstancy. Well, remember what I have said to you, and think of your father's last Will, and tremble, Sirrah. But come, Teddy, thou wilt be a good Boy. Go, get you gone and furbish, you little young Dog: But hold, take a little advice with you first; He who is in pursuit of a Country Lady, must do as if he were stalking for Wild Fowl, hid the Man behind the Beast; for the more Fool there appears, the less shy will your Game be. Come, (To Macfleer) Now, Sir, I am for you.  Exeunt Bull s. and Macfleer. Bald. 
Well, Mr. Belvil, did the Bully manage his tackle tightly?  Belu. 
Rarely! and the old Jack greedily struck at the Bait.  Bald. 
'Sbud! But that any thing like this, should pass upon one who has common sense! If we Players should show any thing like this on the Stage, it would be certainly damned as improbable.  Belu. 
Not by those who had Judgement to weigh it: For is not this seen every day in the world? Are not more discerning people than my Uncle drawn daily into the grossest snares upon the like occasions? The showing which would therefore be just and instructive satire upon Mankind in general, and would plainly show us how the clearest sighted are blinded by affection; how easily we believe what we eagerly desire; and what a constant Cully reason is to Passion; whereas the exposing the credulity of an errand Ass could never show us any thing. Besides, I have taken so many precautions, that every part of this design is then likeliest in the world to succeed. There are some Gentlemen of my Uncle's party, in whom he perfectly confides. Men indeed of worth and honour, who were formerly my intimate friends and from whom humanity has obliged me since not wholly to withdraw myself. Colonel Medley, who is the chief of them, and the primum mobile of this whole affair, has been cheated of five thousand pounds by my Uncle, which is almost all his fortune, and which we pretend to retrieve by the success of our Stratagem, and you know common interest to be the powerful uniter of all parties. The rest of those Gentlemen I have engaged in my design, by remonstrating to them the villainy of my Uncle's intentions, and the innocence of my own, and by the hopes of diversion. The Gentlemen and my Money together have secured some Rascals who perpetually haunt my Uncle; and all his Servants have embarked on the same bottom; so that we are safe on all sides: but have you been with my Mistress?  Bald. 
I have.  Bel. 
And what says the Chaming Creature?  Bald. 
Rapture! Sbud a certain sign that these two have hitherto done nothing but talked together.  Belu. 
And will she meet me at the Play?  Bald. 
She says she will not: For her Guardian has commanded her not to come into your company, and therefore she thinks it her duty to tell you, that she intends to sit in the Stage-Box on the Right hand, that you may be sure to avoid that place.  Belu. 
A very odd way of making an Assignation! But come, let's away to the Playhouse: I have promised to meet Frowzy at the Curtain before the Play gins; for she is to act the Countess that comes from St. Germain●, and Friskit is to play her Daughter.  Bald. 
Frowzy? How long has the Bawd been in England?  Belu. 
She is just come piping hot from Flanders, and designs this night to appear at the Curtain in triumph.  Bald. 
In Triumph!  Belu. 
Yes, they say she swears she alone has made the Confederates an over-match for the French, that she plots propagation for more places than they contrive destruction, and that she alone by her wise Counsels repairs the ruins of the War.  Bald. 
The raillery is something strong, I long to see the Bawd.  Belu. 
Faith, to give the Jade her due, she was very well worth the seeing, before she went out of England: She did not as most Bawds do, like a Novel, consist of Intrigue alone; but, like a Comedy, besides design, had wit, folly, and humour in her; was officious, discerning, subtle impertinent, whimsical, fond of her condition, and proud of infamy. This she was, but Campaigning must still have improved her Character, and she will now come forth a Farce revived with additions.  Bald. 
But, Mr. Belvil where is the famous Marquis the Mescerille▪ 〈◊〉 who is to play him?  Belu. 
Who? who the Devil but thou? Thou who 〈…〉 Count upon Lewis the Fourteenth, mayst very 〈…〉 a Marquis on my Uncle.  Bald. 
〈◊〉▪ He●ll know me again.  Belu. 
I have contriv'd a disguise that will hid thee even from thy own evil genius. Besides, we shall take such care of him, and give him so many alarms to night, that he shall neither have time nor power to make 〈◊〉 observation.  Bald. 
〈◊〉▪ Say you so? Then pray, Sir, know whom you are before. Venez done, Chapeau, has, Venez Morbleu vite, & faites une Reuerence a Monsieur Le Marqùis. So, now let's away to Frowzy, who, as I can perceive, wants nothing to make her complete in her Calling, but my knack of Fortune-telling. For, as my Brother Butler says,  
One predicting Pimp has the odds.  
Of whole Cauldrons of downright Bawds.  
The End of the First Act.   

ACT II. SCENE The Playhouse.  Frowzy, Friskit, Brush, appear at the Curtain. Frowzy. 
DAughter Friskit! Frisk. Mother!  Frowz. 
Is Mr. Belvil come?  Frisk. 
He has sent word that he'll be here immediately. You heave and puff strangely, Mother: How do you find yourself?  Frowz. 
Almost bowzy, by this light, Daughter. Prithee contemplate my Phiz a little: Hath it not a damnable hue with it? I warrant it is as comically hideous, as that old Hatchet-faced Beau's, who stands grinning in the Front-Box over my Lady what de call her?  Frisk. 
And appears like the Dragon that was guardian to the Golden Fruit. But why should you come hither in this woeful condition, Mother? Gemini, in what a heat you are? Jesus, how you are tumbled!  Frowz. 
Ay, so are you too, Daughter: No matter, the more like women of business. Brush!  Brush. 
Madam!  Frowz. 
Where is the Delight of my Soul? Where's my Gallant in ordinary?  Brush. 
Here, Madam! A Brandy-bottle (aside) is the Vade Mecum of a travelling Bawd.  Frowz. 
(to the Bottle) My life! my joy! my darling sin, as Medley says, let me kiss thee.  Frisk. 
S'heart, Mother! For shame step into the Scene room.  Frowz. 
For shame! Yes, I am a very bashful person indeed: Modest Su Frowzy! what a rare Monster would she be? But let Sinners be ashamed, I am Virtuous, Daughter.  Frisk. 
Virtuous!  Frowz. 
Virtuous! Ay, Virtuous. For pray who boasts of receiving the last favour from me? Now, let Ladies do what they will besides, let them censure and rail, and dissemble and cheat, nay, and drink their four Bottles a day, if they do not grant the last favour, they are Virtuous. Nay, I know a Gentlewoman at Court myself, who because she does not Cuckold her Husband, thinks she has a privilege to beat him: Formerly indeed I was one of the wicked, for I gave my Husband his choice, whether he would have me a chaste, repining, obstreperous Turtle, or a silent, dutiful, humble Jilt; and the good man chose Cuckoldom and Quiet. In troth, he was a very good man, Daughter! He was wont to say, that the Wife who upbraided her Husband with her Chastity, implied that she cornuted her Monster in Spirit abundantly.  Frisk. 
Right, Mother: For she did not Cuckold him actually, because she had no mind to Cuckold him, where a Devil lay the obligation to her?  Frowz. 
So that, as I was saying, Daughter, my good wretch chose Cuckoldom and Quiet; one for the happiness of this world, and the other for that of the next. And thus I was formerly one of the wicked: But for these fifteen years last passed, I have taken off my Bottle, and been Virtuous. But thou art mighty ignorant in Spiritual affairs, Child. So taken up about Carnal matters. Brush!  Brush. 
Madam!  Frowz. 
Go to the Rose, and see if you can hear of Mr. Belvil: He knows I have a calling to look after, and that I am obliged in Conscience to mind it. Well, Daughter, is it not more comfortable being here than in a Camp?  Frisk. 
Ay, Mother, here we are in expectation of no Battles, but those which the Players fight on the Stage.  Frowz. 
Or those which the Bullies act in the Pit. But hold! Let me examine a little: Thou hast not studied faces for nothing, Su Frowzy. Lord! what a numerous herd of Cullies is here! I have not seen so comfortable a prospect the Lord knows the time! Daughter, Daughter! egad you'll do your business well here! If I had but thy Youth, Child, I would lay a Tax of five hundred a year upon yonder limbo of Vanity.  (Pointing to the Side-Box.) Frisk. 
If you were but to talk with the Doorkeeper, he'd quickly assure you that you'd find the Fund deficient.  One from the Side-Box. 
Look yonder is Frowzy arrived piping hot from Flanders.  Another from the other Side-Box. 
Frowzy upon my Life! Was there ever such an impudent Bawd!  Frowz. 
Impudent Bawd! Dost thou hear that foul-mouthed Rogue, Daughter? Well great Virtues have been always persecuted, and rare Talents have been always envied. But does that senseless Puppy know what extraordinary qualities are required to complete what he is pleased to style Bawd? What Parts? What Education? What Discipline? What Observation? What?— Oh a thousand things more than I can think of at present!  Frisk. 
And 'tis very well known, Mother, that you have all the qualifications which can accomplish the most Reverend Matron.  Frowz. 
Nay faith, all that know me, do me the honour to say, that for our profession there is not a greater person living than myself. Yes, faith, all that know me—  Frisk. 
And that is All Europe.  Frowz. 
Do me the honour—  Frisk. 
The Justice you mean, Mother.  Frowz. 
To assert this: And that there is not a woman breathing who has a larger capacity for the Calling.  Frisk. 
All the world allows it.  Frowz. 
Nor a greater genius.  Frisk. 
'Tis the voice of Fame, Mother.  Frowz. 
And that my Education has been as liberal. Faith and troth I was brought up at the University, Daughter; went through a course of natural experimental Philosophy there, performed my public exercise with applause, and when I came to be of complete standing, past the examination of several Masters, and regularly took my Degree. After that I came to be public professor of the Mathematics in that place.  Frisk. 
But with this preferment, how came you to change your station, Mother?  Frowz. 
You must know, that my Fame increasing with my Virtues, and both growing too large for that narrow Sphere, it was unanimously voted, in full Congregation, that I should be conveyed from thence, to the great City at the public expense, for the public benefit. Oh! your most humble Servant, my Lord! Your humble Servant, Sir Arthur! Noble Colonel I am yours.  (Bowing to several in the Pit.) Enter Belvil. Frowz. 
Bless my Eyes! What do I see! Ah Godson you ravish me.  Belu. 
Well! You are welcome into England Mother: I hope you have made your Markets in Flanders well.  Frowz. 
My Markets, Son! I wonder you should talk at that rate: You know I act for Glory. And truly, I hope I have behaved myself so, that he who writes the History of this War, will mention Su Frowzy with honour. Ah Son, that you had been but an eye witness of my actions! To see the rate discipline that I observed among them. I have done wonders among them, my Boy! I have made the Germane active, the Spaniard humble, and the Dutch man lean and liberal. Ha', ha', ha': There was an old Dutch Captain, who when he first came into my hands, was a lubberly, wheezing, unwieldy wight, that was fit neither for a Charge nor a Retreat: But by that time I had had him three months, he became a pretty, slender, nimble, Mercurial fellow; and at the Battle of Landen, as Gad shall save me, ran away at the head of his Company.  Belu. 
But, hark you Mother, I have a word of business with you.  Frowz. 
Hast thou so my boy, and Faith Ill do it effectually for thee If she's in the Playhouse, give me but thy Billet and the Orange Wench shall deliver it immediately to her.  Belu. 
Indeed that business you have often done for me, but this is of another nature.  Frowz. 
Let it be what it will it must be done before 8 of the clock; for than I am to meet some Statesmen upon a politic conference, and to morrow I return for Flanders.  Belu. 
How! I was in hopes we should have had you till June.  Frowz. 
Jesus! Why the Army will be in the Field within these three weeks.  Belu. 
And cannot they lie there without you, Mother.  Frowz. 
Yes, I'd have you to know I seldom lie in the Camp, but in the next walled Town, still like the Great Ladies of France, to provide for the necessities for the Army. But France is the place Son, where Merit is regarded. Some of them now are Ministers of State, I am but poor Sue Frowzy. Yet, I, gad, as simple as I stand here, in one of the former Reigns, I was a Cabinet Councillor.  Belu. 
But Mother—  Frowz. 
Right Child! Since I am to return so suddenly, you would ask me why I came over? Why for Recruits child▪ The Forces that I raised last Spring are some of them dead in the service, others wounded, but harassed, damnably harassed all.  Belu. 
Death and the Devil! This Jade's impertinence will quite ruin my business! Mrs. Frowzy! Look, there is your retaining Fee. I must have a word apart with you immediately.  Frowz. 
Humph! five Guineas! I have not had so much these two Campaigns from a Major General Son my Soul is yours.  Belu. and Frowz. talk apart. Frisk. 
Am I grown old or ugly that I stand unattacked here? or am I neglected as an unfortifyed place, that lies open to all invaders? I'll even put on my Mask, and try what that will do. That will atract some Fop or other. For an Ow● loves not the face of night so much as a fool is fond of a Vizor.  Enter a very young Beau. 
hay day! What Stripling comes here? This is one of those young wou'd-be●Sinners, whom we may call wicked Platonics, and who make lewd love without desire.  Beau. 
Demmee, Madam.  Frisk. 
What? Before you are capable of being a Sinner! All in good time sweet Sir. The Devil does not care for these Tit Bits; he's for a more substantial morsel, a morsel that may be felt in the going down: And truly he and I are much of a mind. But come, for what have you a mind to be damned, young Sir!  Beau. 
For you, withal my heart, my Dear▪ Come, shall you and I go aside and divert one another?  Frisk. 
Why, I can laugh at you here, and that is all the diversion that thou canst give me poor little Animal!  Beau. 
Nay, but this is speaking without Book. Come, come, come and see.  Frisk. 
No, I'd have you to know, I am a little too old for a Puppet-show. No, Sir, no, I am for none of your diversion.  Beau. 
'Sdeath, if you are not for diversion, will you do business?  Frisk. 
Business! What a Boy and talk of Business? No, no, youngster, you are not grown up to Business yet.  Beau. 
What a Devil can this be; She talks too well for a common Punk, and too lewdly for a woman of Honour. Ten to one some Actress who is rehearsing her part to me. Adieu Jilt!  Exit. Frisk. 
The most effectual way of Jilting thee, were to grant thy request  Belu. 
to Frowzy. Nay, no reply, you know the time presses, and Baldernoe expects you. But be sure you remember the Letter.  Frowz. 
I warrant you▪ Daughter, come along Child  Exeunt Frowz. and Frisk. Enter Sylvia in the Stage Box. Belu. 
But Sylvia comes adorned with every Grace,  
And Love and Death sit sporting in her Eyes.  Sylvia. 
And for what weighty reason, Mr. Belvil, have you drawn me hither?  Belu. 
To expose my Rival to you  Sylvia. 
A very frank confession! You are jealous then?  Belu. 
I should be very unworthy if I should be jealous after the engaging assurance which you gave me this morning. When you see my Rival you will be convinc'd that I am not jealous.  Sylvia. 
Why am I then come hither?  Belu. 
That the full knowledge of the Husband which my Uncle designs for you, may give you the juster excuse for refusing him.  Sylu. 
But can your Uncle dare to use his authority in such an arbitrary manner, as to oblige me to take for a Husband to morrow, a man whom I never saw?  Sylu. 
My Uncle has several reasons for this precipitation: But this is not the meanest of them, that the longer you know his Son, the more nauseous you●ll find him.  Syl. 
But since this Gentleman is to be shown in the Playhouse, pray do what is done in our Comedies, and let me know something of the character, before I see the person  Belu. 
Why, then for his parts, Madam, Nature has been a very niggard to him: She has made him a poor Dog, but he is contented, and so far he may be said to be rich  Sylu. 
Nay, this you have spoken in his commendation: For content, where murmuring will not mend the matter, denotes a man of Judgement.  Belu. 
True, Madam: But, like some old Philosophers, he is not only contented in his poverty, he is proud in it: Like a Stoic, at the time that he is scandalously necessitous, he affirms that himself is only rich. An humble Fool is one of God's creatures, and consequently very good: Ignoranee and stupidity are Nature's follies, and Nature is always lovely: But affectation is a Coxcomb's own.  Sylu. 
Nay, we have certainly reason to bear with your downright Fool, for native folly is a necessary foil, and serves to set off the Brillant of Wit, but affectation is false and counterfeits it, to cheat us of our good opinions.  Belu. 
Right, Madam: He who courts our applause by affecting Wit, is a cheating Beggar, who asks Alms with a false Certificate; and every pretending aspiring Fop is a Knave as well as a Fool. In short, this is so vain a Coxcomb, that he would be contented to feel himself miserable, that others might imagine him happy; and would be satisfied to be a Sot in his own judgement, that he might pass for a Wit in the opinions of other people.  Sylu. 
But have a care, are only Fools vain, very vain, Mr. Belvil?  Belu. 
Yes, a man of sense may be puffed up sometimes, because he cannot always reflect; but a conceited Fool is eternally vain, because he is never thoughtful.  Sylu. 
Then Vanity, like Wine, it seems, works most violently upon the weakest brains?  Belu. 
It does; and Vanity makes the Sot as conceited of his fancied capacity, as Wine made the Beggar proud of his imaginary quality. (aside. But, upon my life here comes my Cousin, and a Letter in his hand, which Frowzy and Friskit have sent him by my appointment. But that this Lady must not know. Enter Bull junior. Cousin, your humble Servant.  (To Bull jun.) Bull jun. 
Dam, how dost thou do, Ned?  Sylu. 
aside. Well, a Fop and a Monkey are the most familiar of God's Creatures.  Belu. 
Do you stay the Play out?  Bull jun. 
Dost thou know, Ned, that I am just now come out of France?  Belu. 
And what of that?  Bull j 
And what can you see in my face to persuade you, that I, who come from Moliere and Racine, should stay out one of your damned foolish things here?  Belu. 
Why have we nothing but foolish things then?  Bell jun. 
No Sir, if my Judgement may be taken; and I hope my Judgement may be taken for a foolish thing as soon as another man's.  Belu. 
No doubt on't.  Bull j 
As I was just coming into the door, I met 3 or 4 Wits going out: They were all of them down to the ground immediately to me: Your most humble Servant, sweet Mr. Bull. And thus I returned the salute: Jack how dost thou do? Will, I am hearty glad to see thee. Rot me Tom, thou look'st execrably to day. Ned, I always treat people De haut en bas, who have not a great deal of money.  Belu. 
What if they have merit?  Bull j 
Merit without Money! Thou talk'st like a Bantamite or a Chinese, let me perish; and not like an inhabitant of this side of the Globe. There is an air of greatness in Tutaying men. Ned, man Ned Thou behav'st thyself so gently to all sorts of people, that let me die if I am not ashamed of thee.  Belu. 
Nay, I must confess thou dost treat most people with a surprising familiarity.  Bull jun. 
That is, Ned, because for most people I have a very hearty contempt.  Belu. 
And so have all who have thy noble accomplishments. For (aside) a man of sense may hug himself as long as he pleases, with the thought of his contemning a Fop: a Fop is sure to be even with him; nay, and to have the advantage of him. For a great understanding only qualifies a man for the contemning those who have less. Nor always indeed for that, since it often makes him diffide in himself; but ignorance and vanity undoubtedly qualify him for the contempt of all who are above him too.  Bull. jun. 
On what the Devil art thou musing man? As I was saying, Ned, thou knowest that I am lately come out of France.  Belu. 
Very good.  Bull jun. 
Thou art very perfect I know in the French Tongue.  Belu. 
Oh God, Sir, you rally me.  Bull jun. 
Non, que Le Diable m' emporte. And thou hast a very pretty stile in English. Now I have thought of a business that may get thee some reputation.  Belu. 
As how, pray?  Bull jun. 
Why, I have brought over with me about a bushel of Billet Doux, which I received from the Wives, and Sisters, and Daughters of Dukes and Peers of France, and which I would have thee translate for the benefit of our English Ladies.  Belu. 
I am the most unqualified man in the world for such an employment.  Bull jun. 
The most qualified man in the Universe, let me perish for it, our Language stands in want of these things. You will find in them to a miracle, Le gallant, Le Doux, Le Tender, Le delicate & le bien turn.  Belu. 
Is that one of them in your hands?  Bull jun. 
No, that is a Letter which I have just received from a Duchess.  Belu. 
May I read it?  Bull jun. 
You may.  (Belu. Reads.) Your Merit has engaged a Woman of the first Quality to wish you well. Be at the Playhouse before the Play gins; you shall either hear of me there, or else at the Chocolate-house immediately after the Play is begun: but be sure you be discreet, for the least vanity will ruin both. Belu. 
Pshaw! Pox she does not know thee, or she would never have given thee that caution. 'Tis now (aside) high time to snub this Puppy.  Bull jun. 
There is not a man in England who is more shocked at vanity than myself.  Belu. 
Or who loves a vain Coxcomb more.  Bull jun. 
I don't understand you.  Belu. 
Of all loves, self-love is the blindest  Bull jun. 
Tho perhaps if I had a mind to be vain.  Belu. 
Nature has given thee as good grounds to be so, as she has done any man breathing.  Bull jun. 
Right.  Belu. 
For she has made thee as great a Coxcomb.  Bull. jun. 
Humph!  Sylu. 
(aside) What can Mr Belvil mean by all this? This Coxcomb can never be so odiously base as to bear it. Heavens! How I tremble.  Bull jun. 
I would despise another man for this, but thee I pity, Ned.  Belu. 
This Billet, I'll lay my life, comes from some Drab who has heard what a Fop thou art, and who by necessity is reduced to abandon herself to thee, which is enough even in this lewd Age, to brand Fornication with Infamy.  Bull jun. 
A Drab who is reduced you say? Prithee let's hear that again.  Belu. 
Yes, reduced even to flatter thee, which is still a more vile and a more abominable prostitution.  Bull jun. 
(aside.) By the Lord, this Kinsman of mine is a dismal Dog, a very woeful Monster, if a man durst but tell him so. But though this fellow has the jaws of an Ass, yet, a pox on him, he has the Hoofs of a Stone-horse, and can kick upon occasion unmercifully: Look you, Ned, some people would decently cut your Throat about this business. But—  Belu. 
Your dare not, it seems.  Bull jun. 
I will only tell thee, that the Lady from whom this Letter comes, is just as great a Drab as I am a Fop, and I am just as great a Fop as she is a Drab: Ha', ha', ha'. And so adieu.  Belu. 
Nay, Faith you shan't go.  Bull jun. 
Faith but I must, Ned: For look you, the Fop at present is busy, nay, very busy. For the Drab, do you see, has sent the Fop an assignation, and the Fop is resolved to be punctual. Ha', ha', ha'.  Sylu. 
This is wonderful.  (aside) Belu. 
But can you resolve to go to a Whore to night, when you know you are to be married to morrow?  Bull j 
Ay, to choose, Ned, and for a very good reason.  Belu. 
Name it.  Bull j 
That I might not be tempted to do so damned an unfashionable thing as to be immoderate with my own Spouse to morrow night.  Belu. 
Have you seen Sylvia?  Bull j 
No.  Belu. 
How do you know whether you shall like her?  Bull jun. 
I never concern myself about that: For who would trouble himself about marrying one whom he likes, in an age in which every well bred man professes the hating his Wife? Has she all her Teeth, two Eyes, and a Nose?  Belu. 
Yes sure.  Bull j 
Rot me, I had a live she had not: For nothing can make a woman so abominable as wedlock, and all Wives are hideous alike. For my part, of all things in the world, I would choose to marry the woman I hated most.  Belu. 
The Devil thou wouldst?  Bull j 
Let me perish, Ned, but I would: for whom a man hates he would be glad to avoid, and people marry now adays on purpose to live asunder.  Sylvia 
aside. And is this fellow designed for me! If there were only him and myself in the world, the race of men should perish.  Belu. 
Mr▪ Bull, if Sylvia were here now?  Bull j 
Faith if she had been here, it had been all one.  Belu. 
Faith I believe thee.  Bull j 
Well, Ned, adieu.  Exit Bull jun. Belu. 
So, Madam! How do you like Mr. 〈◊〉?  Sylu. 
Infinitely. There may be men in the world who have greater understandings, but he is extremely handsome.  Belu. 
Nay, now I am sure you dissemble, for it is the hardest thing in the world, for a Woman who finds that a man wants Wit, to find that he is extremely handsome.  Sylu. 
You did not hear me say that he wanted wit: for my part I think that he is very brisk.  Belu. 
And at the same time very melancholy.  Sylu. 
I don't know what you may think, but I am sure a great part of what he said would pass for Wit with others.  Belu. 
Yes, and make him pass for a Fool with them.  Syl. 
How! Wit make him pass for a Fool with them? I thought people had passed for Fools for want of Wit.  Belu. 
No, Madam, 'tis for want of Judgement.  Syl. 
And do you think to make your Court to a Woman by saying this?  Belu. 
Yes, to a Woman who can despise the little follies of her Sex, as much as she detests their Vices. But, Madam, you are sensible of the choice to which you are reduc'd, if you will not accept of me to night, you must e'en take my Rival to morrow.  Syl. 
You draw strange consequences.  Belu. 
You know, that by the indiscretion of your Father, your Guardian has the same advantage over you that he has over me.  Syl. 
You know him to be utterly averse to your desire.  Belu. 
But if within these two hours I obtain his con-sent, will you promise to give me yours.  Syl. 
Upon that condition I may promise any thing, and run no risk of performance. But I must think of removing: For so long a conversation in so public a place has drawn all the Eyes of the Playhouse on us.  Belu. 
Then you shall give me leave to wait upon you to your Chair.  Syl. 
You may spare yourself the trouble, for I have brought my Gentlemen Usher with me. Your Servant.  Exit Sylvia. Belu. 
Madam, your most humble servant. Well▪ Thus far I have only exposed my Cousin, but that is not sufficient, he must smart too. My Uncle's ill usage has been intolerable. His years, and the relation which I have to him, restrain me from revenging that usage upon himself immediately. No I will punish it in his ridiculous Offspring, and visit the exorbitant sins of the Father, upon that extraordinary Rogue the Son. Since I have deprived him of the Wife designed for him, I will put very fair for the providing another for him. In Friskit I have made a proper choice for him. For so extravagant a Drab and so extraordinary a Fop are tallies to one another; so surprising a match may be very instructive, and snow the ridiculous vanity of some Coxcombs who are now in my Eye; for they are but copies of this original, and the conclusion of all their boasted intrigues is the same.  
Those plagues of the fair Sex, of ours the scum,  
Got doubly drunk with Vanity and Stum,  
Their highborn Mistresses in Brimmers toast,  
And to their friends their false good fortunes boast;  
But the Wine drunk, and the vain frolic o'er,  
Departing, reel to some abandoned Whore:  
And with her fancying Quality, and Charms,  
Enjoy fair Duchess in a Bulkers arms.  
The End of the Second Act.   

ACT III. SCENE Old Bull's house.  Frowzy, Friskit, Brush, Gregory. Frowz. 
MR. Bull not at home say you? Nay then—  Greg. 
Nay, I beseech your Ladyship: My Master sent word but now that a little unexpected business detains him, but that in less than an hour he'll wait upon you. In the mean time he commanded me to tell you, that the House is your Ladyship's. A Gentleman is in the Garden, who desires to know if he may wait upon you.  Frowz. 
His name?  Greg. 
Mr. Dorant. At least (aside) he commanded me to tell her so. But what should oblige the Fop to change Bull for Dorant, I must confess is above my apprehension. But that which is more strange is, the Mr. Belvil gave us notice beforehand that young Mr. Bull would tell this lie, and obliged us all to confirm it. But Mr. Belvil is so honest, so worthy, so liberal a Gentleman, that we have all engaged to run through fire and water for him. Will your Ladyship sent any answer to him?  Frowz. 
Tell him, that I'll but dispose of some things and send to him. [Exit Greg.] Do you remember, Daughter, that I told you that this Mr. Dorant is young Mr. Bull?  Frisk, 
Mother, I do remember it.  Frowz. 
That Mr. Belvil told us, that Dorant was his nom de guerre in France, where the fool was ashamed of his own?  Frisk. 
I remember that too.  Frowz. 
And that it was agreed by Mr. Belvil and me, that at my first meeting Mr. Bull at the Chocolate house, I should salute him by the name of Dorant, as by a name that was very well known in France to me?  Frisk. 
Nothing of this has slipped from me.  Frowz. 
For that it would be necessary to make him go by an alias, because it would be necessary to make him pass for a person of Quality. You remember this too?  Frisk. 
Perfectly.  Frowz. 
And you have not forgot the reason of it?  Frisk. 
The reason is, that his going by a wrong name, and his passing for a person of quality, would help us to conceal this design from the Father.  Frowz. 
Right Child! or if he came to discover it, would oblige him to be assistant in the carrying it on against his Son and himself.  Frisk. 
And the Servants of the house you say you are secure of?  Frowz. 
Mr Belvil, who has obliged them all along by the goodness of his humour, and by the mildness of his carriage towards them, has distributed fifty pounds among them this very morning.  Frisk. 
Nay, that will corrupt any Family now adays.  Frowz. 
Daughter, have you the rest of your instructions perfect?  Frisk. 
Mother, you give yourself a vain trouble.  Frowz. 
Then, Brush, go tell the young Gentleman that I should be glad to see him; and, by the way, Sirrah, be sure you behave yourself as I have commanded you.  Frisk. 
If you should be deceived now in your expectation, Mother, and this Fop should not listen before he comes in.  Frowz. 
Never fear that. But are you sure, Daughter, that you can act a fit of the Mother well?  Frisk. 
Ay, and top my part too, Mother.  Frowz. 
Well said! But have a care of over-topping it, Child, as I have seen a young buxom Widow do at the Grave of a rich impotent Husband, and by that means make a Farce of a Funeral. But, as I live he comes?  Bull jun. and Brush at the door. Bull jun. 
Talking of him who is to marry the young Lady, do you say?  Brush. 
Ay, Sir, and earnestly.  Bull jun. 
Wilt thou do me the favour to go and see for my man? In the mean time I shall make bold to listen.  (aside.) Frisk. 
And has your Ladyship seen the dear man, do you say?  Frowz. 
Lord! That I must tell my story twenty times over! I tell you I saw him at the Chocolate-house, while you was with Mr. Bull at the Colonels.  Frisk. 
And is he not altered a jot, since we saw him at Paris? How does he look?  Frowz. 
Ravishingly. Nay, I gad, Child, I can't blame thee in the least. 'Tis a most delightful figure. Then he will talk, good Gods how he will talk!  Bull jun. 
A judicious person, let me perish.  Frisk. 
Nay, every one esteems him a prodigy. But I hope your Ladyship gave him no occasion to say any thing of me.  Frowz. 
Why, what if I did?  Frisk. 
What if you did? Jesus!  Frowz. 
Nay, look you, Peggy, don't be in a passion you have not heard me say that I told him; but supposing I had.  Frisk. 
Why then, that dear Creature would utterly despise me for my weakness.  Frowz. 
What, despise thirty thousand pound? why you don't take him for a fool, Peggy?  Frisk. 
No, but I take him for a Wit tho. A Wit always hates and rails against marriage. A Wit won't be a Slave for all the money in the world.  Frowz. 
But if a Wit will not, an English man will; as we who come from France know by some very good tokens. Thirty thousand pound, Peggy! Show me one Englishman in forty, that will not sell himself and all his posterity, for a tenth part of the sum. Besides, Mr. Dorant's a Courtier, a true thorough-pac'd Courtier, and consequently for half thirty thousand pound would marry me, even me, though I had twice my age, four times my fat, and not half my virtue.  Bull jun. 
This old Lady shows a great understanding of the world.  (apart.) Frisk. 
And then your Ladyship has told him all?  Frowz. 
Nay, look you, as I said before, don't be in a passion, Peggy: We shall have you play the fool and have one of your fits. Can I see you die for Mr Dorant, as the young Marchioness did at Versailles, without letting him know it?  Bull jun. 
This is news: I warrant I have done a plaguy deal of mischief in my time, more than I know of.  (apart) Frisk. 
Are you sure he is a man of quality?  Frowz. 
Yes, yes, he says he is Son to Viscount Dorant, otherwise thou shouldest sooner have died than have married him.  Frisk. 
And so I would: for I had rather the Devil should have me than a little fellow.  Frowz. 
He'll be here in a quarter of an hour, and then—  Frisk. 
Why, has your Ladyship been so barbarous as to tell him my Lodgings? I won't see him.  Frowz. 
I should laugh at that?  Frisk. 
How does your Ladyship think I can look a man in the face—  Frowz. 
Nay look you, Peggy, you had best play the fool an lose your love— For  Frisk. 
Eh! Gad I am sick.  Frowz. 
He tells me that he has an old Father, who designs to marry him to morrow to a rich beautiful Heiress  Frisk. 
Eh—  (shrieks and seems to be fainting) Frowz. 
Ah, Lord! What have I done? Why Daughter!  Frisk. 
Stand off, I can hardly fetch my breath; heavens how my heart pants?  Frowz. 
Nay, Peggy—  Frisk. 
And my Head shoots—  Frowz. 
Nay, dear, Peggy—  Frisk. 
And my Back opens and shuts—  (Counterfeits a fit.) Frowz. 
Ah, Lord, I have killed my Child, I have murdered my dear Child Help, help.  Enter Bull jun and two Maids. Maid. 
For heavens sake, Madam, what is the matter?  Frowz. 
Ah, my dear Child's dead.  2d Maid. 
Oh, Heaven's help. Quickly let's have her to Bed and Chafe her.  Frowz. 
● vow Sweetheart thou speakest well. Have her to bed, and get her sound rubbed—  1st Maid. 
And then if she shows no sign of life—  Frowz. 
In troth she's dead with a vengeance.  (They carry her off.) Bull jun 
(to Frowzy.) Madam, your most humble Servant?  Frowz. 
Ah, Gad, Sir, is this a time to answer Compliments.  Bull jun. 
Madam, the Devil take me, I am hearty sorry.  Frowz. 
Sorry! Quoth a, what would you be if you knew the occasion?  Bull jun. 
Madam, I know every thing, for I overheard all.  Frowz. 
Did you so? That was well contrived, and handsomely done. Well, Sir, I must go look after my dear Child, if you stay I'll be with you as soon as I possibly can.  Exit. Bull j 
Well! The Devil take me, all this is very surprising: I am sometimes almost in doubt, whether this be a dream, or real. Hold! let me see! [Pulls out his Pocket-Glass, and looks in it] A dream! No, thou dear, damned, doubting dog, 'tis real. Well, Batt! though thou hast always past for un homme a bonnes fortunes, yet is this the finest of all thy Bell's avantures. But now, to push it Cavalierement, when first I saw the Countess at the Chocolate-house, I was very glad to find that she and her Daughter, by Colonel Medley's recommendation, were lodg'd here at my Fathers: Because, that shows that what they pretend to to be they really are, Women of fortune and quality, (but of that what happened just now would convince an Infidel.) Yet, when I found that this old Lady was as passionate an admirer of quality as I am myself, and that she was resolved to have a Peer for her Son-in-law; why then I wished them fairly removed to another place. I told the Countess that my name was Dorant, Son to Viscount Dorant, for Viscount Bull would have sounded hellishly. Besides, it would have made a discovery, for she knew me by my other name in France. I have ordered the Servants here to confirm my lie, which they have undertaken to do. The Lady is desperately in love with me, that is certain: if I can secure her before my Father sees me, all is well, otherwise all is ruined; for he will infallibly use me like a Dog, and so discover me to be the spawn of a Citt. But see the Countess. Enter Frowzy. Pray, Madam, how does the young Lady?  Frowz. 
How does she do. Well! I vow, I found her in a lamentable pickle, stretching herself out, and heaving and grasping for life: but chafing her and rubbing her, has fetched her again  Bull jun. 
Madam, I beg leave to wait upon her.  Frowz. 
As Gad shall save me, not for the world, Sir, the bare mention of such a thing had like to have thrown her into a second fit: She swears she'll die a thousand times, rather than look a man in the face, who knows that she has been so weak as to love him before she was sure of his heart.  Bull jun. 
She gives herself a vain trouble, let me perish. For, may I pass for the arrant'st Coxcomb in nature, if I were not the first in love of the two. The first time I had the happiness to be near her was in Carnival time, in a certain place where I had a fancy to appear in disguise; and where I fell desperately in love with her. It was a fortnight after that; that she first cast her Eye upon me as I was walking in the Tuilleries.  Frowz. 
Lord! To see how good Wits will jump! I ventur'd to tell her something like this to appease her but she said that was not sufficient to to justify her For when my weakness comes to be divulged, says she, people who have a mind to be censorious will say, supposing he did love her first, how could she know that, when he had never spoke to her?  Bull jun. 
Never spoke to her?  Frowz. 
Nay, they'll say, continued my Daughter, that supposing she could have known that he loved her, without hearing him speak, how could she tell but that he was a fool? For in troth, Mr Dorrant, a fools face may do as much execution as yours. Now, she who can love a fool, says my Daughter, must certainly be little better. Is it then for Mr Dorrant's credit or mine, to have it said that the Conquest of me is owing to his Eyes alone? If it were known that he had made love to me, people would attribute that Conquest to the force of beauty and wit in conjunction.  Bull jun. 
Gad, she's in the right of it.  Frowz. 
And then the effect would be as excusable in me, as the cause would be glorious in him.  Bull jun. 
Pardieu (aside) voilá une fille qui a del esprit! But, Madam, has my Lady Margaret forgot me so far as to affirm that I never spoke to her.  Frowz. 
Indeed I think so, I can't be positive: but I am confident she says you never had any conversation with her in private.  Bull jun. 
Why, there's it, Madam, but sin public places I have conversed a hundred times with her. In the Tuilleries, at Luxemburg, at the Palais Royal, at the Gobelins. But love made publicly at Paris, passes for gallantry.  Frowz. 
But since you were in love with my Daughter, how chance you never came home to our Lodgings, whether all the people of quality, both English and French resorted?  Bull jun. 
Lord, Madam, I waited●upon your Daughter twice, and immediately after that, I received Commands to return for England.  Frowz. 
I vow 'tis a sad thing to grow old, Mr Dorinant. I had perfectly forgot this: In what part of the Town did we lodge then, for we had 3 Lodgings at Paris?  Bull jun. 
'Twas, Madam in the very last lodging that you took; which was in— let me see— Rot me, I am a Dunce to night. For the Blood of me I cannot think of the name of it: What does your Ladyship call the Street?  Frowz. 
(aside) I have gone too far with this fool, and am at a nonplus; for I have travelled no further than the Camp nor do I know the name of any one Street in Paris. Why, the Street was called— But it was a nasty Lodging, and a filthy place. Foh! I abominate the very name of it.  Bull jun. 
Nay, than I have it. Oh! You lodged in the Fauxbourg, Madam.  Frowz. 
It was indeed in the Fauxbourg.  Bull jun. 
In the Fauxbourg St german.  Frowz. 
(mimicking him) In the Fauxbourg St. german.  Bull jun. 
In the Butcher row.  Frowz. 
In the Butcher-row. Ha', ha', ha'.  Bull jun. 
(aside.) Rot me, I am afraid I have not hit right. But all the English that ever I knew at Paris, lodged in the Butcher-row.  Frowz. 
(mimicking) The Butcher-row is a most whimsical place, let me perish, for a woman of pleasure to lodge in. Ha', ha', ha'. But my, Peggy has such odd fancies, as would make a body die with Laughing. Ha', ha', ha'.  Bull jun. 
Oh all, Madam, all the English lodge there. Before they go over, they are terrified with the report of the scarcity of Flesh at Paris, and therefore as soon as they come there, to make sure of Beef, they entrench themselves in the Butcher row.  Frowz. 
So that my Daughter and I, to make sure of Beef, entrenched ourselves in the Butcher-row. Rot me (aside and mimicking) if this is not a great Wit and a very gallant Person! Look you, Sir, the case is this: My Daughter is in a dangerous condition; she's desperately in love with you. For that face, that air, and that mien of yours, have done devilish execution upon her.  Bull jun. 
Rot me, your Ladyship rallies your humble Servant.  Frowz. 
No, as Gad shall save me, Sir, who but a Sot would pretend to rally you, Sir? But as I was saying, my Daughter loves you, and you assure me that you love my Daughter.  Bull jun. 
Ouy: Dieu me dam, Je I'adore.  Frowz. 
Gallantly declared, as Gad shall save me, and you made this French Declaration in France to her?  Bull jun. 
An hundred times, Madam; Witness it, O ye Flowery Beds of the Tuilleries, and ye Sandy Walks of Luxemburg!  Frowz. 
(aside.) This fellow is at last come to a proper style for fiction.  Bull jun. 
Nay, Madam; I made too an English Declaration in France to her. hay! Boy! Enter Boy. Sing me the Song that I gave you yesterday.  

Song by Tho. Cheek, Esq.  
WHen Cloe, I your Charms survey,  
My wand'ring Senses run away.  
My trembling Heart goes pit a pat,  
Can you not guests what I'd be at.  
Sometimes in gentle Sighs I move  
The Air with softest Breeze of Love.  
Sometimes like Gun of largest Boar,  
I vent my Sighs with dismal Roar:  
Disordered, know not what I do,  
And all, my Dear, for Love of you.   Frowz. 
Very pretty, as I hope to breathe. And you are ready to own this in England for her reputation and your honour. For you may assure yourself, that no one will believe that you could frequent any one person of quality, without conversing with us, because we frequented them all.  Bull jun. 
Nay, look you, Madam, as for the young Lady's Honour, I am ready to marry her immediately, and then then her honour is mine.  Frowz. 
Well said! That is spoken like a man of of honour: as for your Estate?  Bull jun. 
Of that you shall be satisfied when you please. But (aside) I hope to secure your Daughter first.  Frowz. 
Hang an Estate; my Daughter has enough to make you both happy, and I can augment her fortune considerably out of my own Jointure, which is sufficiently known. In short, my dear Child's Life is in danger, and I value her Life above a thousand Estates: But I'd have you to know I value her Honour a thousand times more than her Life. And as Gad shall save me, I had as live see her follow the Camp, as married to a vulgar person. Sir, I beg your pardon, but I must be satisfied that you are a man of quality.  Bull jun. 
Madam, as I told you at the Chocolate-house, my Father is the most considerable Viscount in England.  Frowz. 
Viscount Dorant! In troth a very pretty sounding business! But this is a Viscount that I never heard of. You don't know the Gentleman who owns the House, for I must consult with him, and must be governed by him.  Bull jun. 
Madam, I told you at the Chocolate-house, that he is my Enemy, and that I desired not to be seen by him. And I beseech your Ladyship, that you would refer this business to some other person.  Frowz. 
I have promised that you shall not be seen by him, and what I have promised I will perform. But, in troth, I am sorry such a man as he is your Enemy, for in troth he is a very worthy person.  Bull jun. 
Why, faith, Madam, the man is what they call an honest man, and that is all but a strange humoursom, obstinate, old scoundrel, and a paltry Cit, the Devil take me, to boot.  Frowz. 
But, Sir, how comes a man of your quality, so familiar with a Cit., as to quarrel with him.  Bull jun. 
Why, you must know, Madam, he has a Son who is a very pretty Gentleman, and one for whom I have a greater kindness than I have for any one, excepting your Daughter: And I have wondered a hundred times how, so very a Bear as the Father, could get so witty, so gallant a person as the Son: I suppose he had help, and some interloping Courtier slyly came in for his snacks. And yet the Monster his Father uses him like a Dog, for which I hate him, and for which I have sworn not to come near him, when I can at any time avoid him.  Enter Brush running. Brush. 
(apart to Frowzy) Madam, Madam, Mr Belvil gives you notice, that the old man will be here immediately, and desires that you would be prepared to receive him. He bids me tell you that Colonel Medley has half foxed him.  Frowz. 
Gad●s my life, how unlucky's this! Well, and Baldernoe?  Brush. 
Bald. sends word that he'll be behind him but a quarter of an hour at the farthest. He sent word by the Messenger that the Engines are ready, and all things prepared for a general assault.  Frowz. 
Very good! Sir, Sir, (to Bull j) the enemy approaches, and you had best in time make good your retreat. If you have a mind to wait upon my Daughter, here's one shall conduct you. I'll follow you in a moment, and see what I can do for you.  Bull j 
Madam, you oblige me eternally.  [Exeunt Bull j and Brush. Frowz. 
In troth, Su●y, this is hard fortune, to be bilked of thy Bubble when thou hadst taken so much pains in the working him up. If the old man had stayed but a quarter of an hour longer, in all likelihood Friskit had been coupled▪ and the Fop had been sped. If any thing should retard the old fellow, this blessed match shall go on. But in taking all this pains with the Son, I have laid in for the deceiving the Father too: for if he discover the Sons design▪ the Fop will infallibly boast of his acquaintance in France with us, and the consequence of that cannot but be to our advantage. But if there 〈…〉 likelihood of such a discovery, I must prevent it, and must discover first; make the old fellow a false and a half confidence; and concealing the name of his Son, communicate the rest of the affair as a secret to him, upon which I shall beg his advice; make him acquainted with my false fears, and my pretended jealousies; inform him of the attempts which are made upon my Daughter, but at the same time conceal the temptations and the encouragements which I industriously give underhand to them.  
Thus will I cheat him, as the married Jilt  
From the suspecting Cuckold hides her guilt:  
First she the Gallants lewd design reveals,  
Then to the secret Assignation steals.  
The End of the Third Act.   

ACT iv SCENE I.  A Table and Chairs. Bull sen. Frowzy, Gregory. Bull s. 
MAdam, 'tis the very best in the three Kingdoms. Here, Sirrah, take the Key of my Closet, and bring the two quart Bottle of Brandy to the Countess. I wonder his Lordship is not come yet.  Frowzy. 
I expect him every moment: He sent word that he would come in the dusk, and come mystically. Indeed all that he does is done in the dusk, and mystically. Oh 'tis a very mysterious person!  Bull s. 
Nay, Gadsooks, they all say he is a great person, and has more out of the way Politics than any man in the three Kingdoms.  Frowz 
Oh! quite another sort of a thing from your clumsy awkward British Politician: He has often a whole Intrigue in one single grimace, and his jests and his frolicks are all of them masterpieces of State.  Enter Greg. with the Brandy. Bull s. 
I long to see him. Sirrah, fill a Glass. Madam; my hearty service to you. Come, a Health to the young Lady.  Frowz. 
Ay, poor Creature, she wants it.  Bull s. 
Faith and troth I am sorry to hear she's so ill. Sirrah, fill to her Ladyship.  Frowz. 
Mr. Bull, on the other side of the water this liquor is grown mightily in use among women of my quality. Do they use it here?  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, Madam, they drink nothing else; formerly, saving your Ladyship's presence, only Bawds drank Brandy, but now the poor Jades can't go to the price of it; and as some great Ladies have taken their trade out of their hands, they have taken their liquor.  Frowz. 
But did the Coll. acquaint you, say you, with the misfortune which my Daughter met with in France?  Bull s. 
He told me she was deeply in love with a Gentleman, who left her in the height of her passion, and came for England. Does your Ladyship mind the Colour of that Brandy?  Frowz. 
A lovely Complexion indeed!  Bull s. 
And the young Lady saw the very person as she was coming to my house?  Frowz. 
Ay, just at the corner of Bow-street.  Bull s. 
And the sight renewed her disorder?  Frowz. 
To both our sorrows, God knows.  (She smells to the Glass. Bull s. 
How does your Ladyship like the flavour?  Frowz. 
A most alluring flavour, in truth. Come, Sir, my Daughter's Health to you.  (Drinks.) 
Upon my honour this is right Nantz: I warrant this costs you ten and eight pence a Gallon at least. At the last Conference that I had abroad for the public benefit, there was some quantity of it drunk; since I have tasted nothing like it: As Gad shall judge me, this is a treasure.  Bull s. 
Your Ladyship is a true and nice Judge.  Frowz. 
Nay, though I say it, for Politics—  Bull s. 
And Brandy—  Frowz. 
There is no woman alive comes near me. But still I forget my dear Child. Oh Lord! Mr. ●ull, I mightily want your advice. At least I would have him think so (aside.) For, as Mr. Belvil says, people never believe we are so sincere as when we flatter them most.  Bull s. 
Why, look you Madam, if the Lady's condition is so desperate, the Gentleman must be told that she loves him.  Frowz. 
Ah God, Sir, he knew it in France.  Bull s. 
And did not love her again?  Frowz. 
Oh! Doted on her●  Bull s. 
What, and left her?  Frowz. 
The old whimsical Fop his Father would have it so.  Bull s. 
Then it is his Estate concerning which you have a mind to be satisfied. Your Ladyship has reason: For your Daughter has thirty thousand pound. Bless me, what a Fortune there is! And your Ladyship can increase it considerably out of your own Jointure. which I know to be three thousand a year.  Frowz. 
And pray Sir who gave you this information?  Bull s. 
Tho I never had the honour to see your Ladyship nor your Daughter before, yet I am acquaintwith the circumstances of every considerable person in the Kingdom. It is partly my Trade, Madam.  Frowz. 
Then the Gentleman about whom I enquire●  Bull s. 
Tell me but his name, and I'll tell you his Estate immediately.  Frowz. 
I make no enquiry after his Estate. Shall I stand upon a little dirt, when my dear Child's life is at stake? The thing that I want to be satisfied of, is whether he is a person of quality: For I'll see her die a thousand times rather than she shall marry a filthy little fellow.  Bull s. 
Can your Ladyship be so cruel as to see her die rather?  Frowz. 
To see her die! Ay, to see her damned rather.  Bull s. 
Oh Lord! oh Lord! damned.  Frowz. 
Ay, damned. I mean in an honourable way, Mr. Bull, and as a woman of quality should be damned.  Bull s. 
How does your Ladyship call the Gentleman?  Frowz. 
Mr. Dorant.  Bull s. 
Mr. Dorant?  Frowz. 
Ay, Mr. Dorant, Son to Viscount Dorant.  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, I never heard either of the name or the title.  Frowz. 
That's strange, he says he knows you very well; and has lately had a quarrel with you, for your severity against your Son.  Bull s. 
Pray, Madam, where is he to be found?  Frowz. 
Herein your House.  Bull s. 
In my house?  Frowz. 
Ay, he is at present with my Daughter.  Bull s. 
With your Ladyship's leave, I'll go talk with him immediately.  Frowz. 
Sir, by no means he has sworn not to see you, by reason of the foresaid quarrel, and I have promised him that he should not.  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, Madam, your Ladyship is abused. This is some Rogue, some Cheat, some Fortune-hunter.  Frowz. 
It is impossible, he does not look like any such man.  Bull s. 
Madam, those vermin swarm, and multiply as fast in this itching Age, as Rats do at Sea in a Ship laden with Salt.  Enter Bull Jun. Bull jun. 
This damned Father of mine won't be gone, and the time presses. If I can steal out while his back's turned, the young Lady has promised to follow.  Frowz. 
(spying Bull jun.) So Friskit has followed my instructions and sent him out, for he behaves himself so extravagantly, that he would certainly discover himself, and therefore I resolved to discover him first. Mr Dorrant. your Servant.  Bull s. 
(turning about) Bless my Eyes! What do I see! Gadsbud I am giddy, my head turns round. Madam, is this the Gentleman?  Frowz. 
The Gentleman! Why don't you know him then?  Bull s. 
Oh extremely well! Mr Dorant! Sweet Sir your most humble Servant.  (In a rallying tone.) Bull j 
(aside) I am discovered. Impudence assist me. Honest Bull! How dost thou do? Stairing him in the face, and shaking him by the hand.  Bull s. 
(aside) Oh horrible insolence! oh prodigy of impudence!  Frowz. 
(aside) I am sure it is none of my business to be at this eclaircissement Well, Gentlemen! Now I have seen you together, I'll go see how my dear Child does.  Exit. Bull s. 
So! God be thanked. Now I can let my fury fly. Sirrah! Rogue! Dogbolt, though I bear something like this from my Nephew, who is such a Heathen as to make a jest of passive Obedience, shall I see my own Flesh rise in rebellion against me in my old age?  Bull j 
But, Sir! Hear me a little.  Bull s. 
I will hear nothing, you Rogue! To show my Arbitrary power, I will execute first, and examine afterwards.  (beats him) Bull j 
But, Sir, Sir, Sir.  Bull s. 
Here's to decide the quarrel between us, you Rogue! And here's for the affront you put upon Sylvia.  Bull j 
Sylvia? Rot me, I never saw her.  Bull s. 
Sirrah, you lie! She says she will sooner espouse Infamy than you; and that an old paralytic bedrid Beggar is a Prince to you. Then, Sirrah, here's for your talking insolently to your Father. And here's for your going like a Rogue by an alias. Mr Dorant, you Son of a Whore?  Bull j 
If I am a Son of a Whore, pray from whence do you take the privilege of using me thus? and if I am a Son of a Whore● Gad, I don't know but Dorant may be likelier to be my true name than Bull.  Bull s. 
Oh Rogue! Rogue! (Lists up his stick again)  Bull j 
Look you Sir, will you fairly hear me three words? If not, I shall fairly take up my heels and be gone.  Bull s. 
Speak, Sirrah!  Bull j 
Why then do you know that the young Lady who lies in your house to night, has taken a fancy to this Son of a Whore's person?  Bull s. 
Which, I must confess, (aside.) I am amazed at. And therefore, Sirrah, you are ashamed of your Father and your Family?  Bull j 
My Family? Why you assure me that I have reason enough to be asham'd of my Mother, who is one part of my family, and as for my Father, till I know who he is, Rot me, I don't know whether I have reason to be ashamed of him or 〈◊〉  Bull s. 
Here's a profligate villain! (lists up his stick.)  Bull j 
Sir, Sir, one word more. Do you know that the old Countess has as great passion for quality, as her Daughter has for this Son of a Whore?  Bull s. 
Humph!  Bull j 
And is Bull a fit name for a Viscount's Son?  Bull s. 
Well, I am a Cholorick old Coxcomb that is certain.  Bull jun. 
Look you, I had an opportunity of making you and myself. What I undertook was chief for your sake, but now I leave you to repent at leisure.  (offers to go) Bull s. 
Why, Batt!  Bull j 
He bien!  Bull s. 
Nay, good Bat!  Bull j 
Vous p●aitil queque chose aver moy?  Bull s. 
Now 〈◊〉 this Rogue calling me names. (aside) Nay, dear Bat!  Bull j 
Juse a revoir  (offering to go still) Bull s. 
Nay, dear Bat. Tell me but one thing. Didst thou know this young Lady at Par●?  Bull j 
A pretty question! The Countess will resolve you. He bien! Serviteur.  Bull s. 
Nay, but Bat, why wilt thou be so obstinate?  Bull j 
To prove myself legitimate.  Bull s. 
Batt! here are fifty Guineas for thee and retrieve this business.  Bull j 
Well, for once! But S life, here comes the Countess. Come, come, off with your hat quickly, and show the respect that is due to a person of my quality.  Enter Frowzy. Frowz. 
I suppose by this time they may have consented to have carried this cheat on against themselves. So, Gentlemen, is the old difference like to be reconciled?  Bell j 
We are just upon the point, Madam. And you confess then (to his Father) that you are a testy petulant old fool?  Bull s. 
I have been to blame in troth; was there ever such a Dog?  Bull. 
And that you have used your Son like a Beast?  Bull s. 
Something too roughly!  Bull j 
And you promise amendment?  Bull s. 
If he behaves himself for the future as you give me hopes.  Bull j 
Well! Put on your hat, put on your hat: Thou art a sad old scowdrel, but for this once I receive you to mercy.  Bull s. 
(aside) Oh Rogue! Abominable Rogue! but I shall find a time.  Enter Friskit with her Hoods and Scarves. Frowz. 
Bless me! Whither is the Girl going?  Bull s. 
Madam, your most humble Servant.  (salutes her) Frowz. 
Whither away I say?  Friskit. 
Madam, I am going to take. Ha', ha', ha'.  Frowz. 
To take what?  Frisk 
Only the air a little. Ha', ha', ha'.  Frowz. 
It seems you are mightily tickled.  Frisk 
I shall be, Madam, before I sleep. Ha', ha', ha'.  Bull j 
Madam, I wait upon you.  Ex. Bullj. Frisk. Frowz. 
Jesus! Was there ever such a fond fool?  Bull s. 
Nature, Madam, Nature!  Frowz. 
I thought, Sir, you had not know this Gentleman.  Bull s. 
Why, Faith, Madam, the pronuncing his name the French way, caused my mistake.  Frowz. 
Well! I vow he's a fine person. Don't you think so?  Bull s. 
Why, truly, Madam, I think so, and my Son thinks so.  Frowz. 
At Paris, every body thought so.  Bull s. 
But here some ridiculous Rogues, swear he is come over a mere Fop.  Frowz. 
Envy and aversion to different customs! Ever while you live observe, that your Fop at London, is at Paris your fine Gentleman: But do you know the young Gentleman's father?  Bull s. 
What! My dearest friend? For though the Viscount be my superior quatenas Viscount, yet, in all things else, he does me the honour to esteem himself my equal. Faith and troth, Madam, there are few friendships like ours. I esteem no body throughly but him. And 'tis thought, and perhaps with some justice, that he loves no body cordially besides myself.  Frowz. 
Will you be so kind as to break this business to him?  Bull so 
Madam I will. Ill go down to his Seat in Northamptonshire, where I shall certainly find him, and about a month hence I'll give your Ladyship an account.  Frowz. 
Jesus! Mr Bull, I must be in France long before that time.  Bull s. 
And your Ladyship has a mind to see this business dispatched before you go?  Frowz. 
Do you think I would leave my dear Child in Convulsions?  Bull s. 
You are not over solicitous you say, concerning the Jointure?  Frowz. 
Not a jot.  Bull s. 
Why then, even let the young people take their course.  Frowz. 
What will the Father say to that?  Bull s. 
Say? He ●ll think the alliance an honour to him.  Frowz. 
Will you answer for that.  Bull. 
I think I know him and I can govern him, I'll answer for it.  Frowz. 
Why then, as you say, even let the young people take their course.  A great kn●eking is heard at the Door. Bull s. 
hay day! Who should knock so imperiously Some body has mistaken my house for my Neighbour Midnight the Midwives: Four or five times a week that happens to me, and my sleep like a Panders is disturbed for other Folks lechery.  Enter Greg. Greg. 
Sir, Sir, there are at the Gate half a score—  Bull s. 
What, Sirrah?  Greg. 
Why, Sir, surly, snarling, sour looked fellows.  Bull s. 
Who are they?  Greg. 
Why, at first, Sir, I thought they had been the club of ugly faces that is kept yonder in the City, and that they were come hither in a body to give your Worship an invitation.  Bull so 
Sirrah, I shall trepan your skull in good time But what would these fellows have?  Greg. 
They come to look for a French Marquis who they say is newly come over.  Bull j 
Ha!  Greg. 
And besides, Sir?  Bull s. 
What besides, Sir?  Greg. 
Some Officers are searching Squire Grumbleton's house, by an order of Council, and threaten to be here immediately.  Bull s. 
Take that for your news, you Rascal. Do you hear that Madam? Half a score ill-looked Rogues come to look for my Lord Marquis! And Officers just now coming to search my house? I must tell your Ladyship I don't like this: No, not a jot. This smells of Hemp, strongly, gadsbud, strongly.  Frowz. 
Lord! That I must tell you things twenty times over. Why, he comes mystically, Mr Bull, mystically, and wherever they see him, they'll least of all think of finding him. But hark, what noise is that.  Enter Baldernoe, in a chair, Singing and whimsically dressed. Three or four Riddles, before, and five or six persons dancing by the sides: He gets out of the Chair. Bald. 
Chairmen! Take away your Shair presaunt; and Violons', attaund in the Antichambre.  Frowz. 
Monsieur Le Marquis?  Bald. 
My dear a Countess!  Frowz. 
How over joyed I am to see you again!  Bald. 
Quese suis Ravi de vous trouver ici.  Bald. 
(Who had been all this while holding up his, Hands and his Eyes, and marching up and down like one amaz'd.) And● is this he who is come over to be the chief manager of the Plot? Is this the great Politician? Bless us! What will become of me? Is this the great Politician? I'll even try to slip my Neck out of the Collar, while it is time, and to save myself, we'll very fairly hang up the Marquis and the Countess. As he is● going  Bald. 
Meistre Bull● Have you a forgot a me?  Bull so 
Forgot you! No gadsbud, I haunt forgot you, for I never saw you before.  Bald. 
Ha! Meestre Bull You have too much of de jugment to have de memoire. Me vas formerly here vid Barillon, and have received many good lettre de change of you Meestre Bull, and have had de for much frolic vid de money. De Francois have de ver great passion for the frolic, Meestre Bull, But me for glad to see you Meestre Bull, for glad to see you.  Bull s. 
I am sorry to see you with all my heart.  Bald. 
Jernie! Dat be the veritable, dam English civility.  Bull s. 
Why, gadsbud, I shall see your Lordship hang'd. Here are Politics for the Devil? We shall be infallibly found out: Did ever Politician appear in such an Equipage?  Bald. 
Ver well! Begad! Ver well! ye had the Anglish Civility before Now we have the veritable Anglish Politic: Because never Politic did appear in such an Equipage, derefore ye fall be infallibly found out. Morbleau, derefore ye shall infallibly not be found out.  Bull s. 
I tell your Lordship we shall be all hanged▪ The Officers are just now a coming to search the house. Look you, my Lord, I am downright, I am dunstable, Gadsbud▪ and must speak the truth. Did ever any man in a Conspiracy behave himself at your rate? Who the Devil would take you to be a Plotter?  Bald. 
Ver good again! Ver plaisant Begad! Who the Devil vowed taken me for the Plotter? Who the Devil do desire to be taken for the Plotter? Not de Francois, Meestre Bull: De English man do desire to be taken for the Plotter, and he is hanged for the Plotter.  Bull s. 
Well! I begin to think that I am an Ass, and that the Marquis is a wise man.  Bald. 
Madam La Comtesse!  Frowz. 
My Lord!  Bald. 
Have you yet spoke vid de Viconte?  Frowz. 
Not yet, my Lords  Bald. 
Do you know, Madam, dat de Duc has been vid me, and has meake me the promise to appear at the head of feeve thousand men! Meestre Bull, the Countess, Morbleau, be the brave Dame, and bea● always about her the veritable mark of the woman of condition.  Bull s. 
Pray what should that be?  Bald. 
You must know dat in France de woman of Condition be distingue from de common woman by the kiss.  Bull s. 
Gadsbud that's odd, as how pray?  Bald. 
Look you Meestre Bull, Van in France you kiss de Dame upon de Mout, if she do stink of Brandevin, do you comprand me Meestre Bull, if she do stink very strong of Brandevin, Jernie that be de vegetable woman of quality.  Frowz. 
And, Mr Bull, the men of quality in France too are distinguished by their savours.  Bald. 
Sometime, Mr Bull, sometime.  Frowz. 
As for example; the simple Gentleman smells modestly and you may approach if you please. The Chevalier stinks more proudly, and you must keep some distance. But the stately Marquis has an inaccessible hogo.  Bald. 
Diantre! Dat be plaisant De Countess, Meestre Bull be de Railleuse, De Countess be de●ver good Drole Meestre Bull.  Enter Servant. Seru. 
Sir, The Officers are come and want to speak with you.  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, we are all undone, here are frolicks for the Devil!  Bald. 
Meestre Bull, you have no apprehaunsion at all, no apprehaunsion of any thing, Meestre Bull. Stand a you still, and receive dem, and let me alone vid de rest. Allons, Violins, strike up de Minuet.  The Music plays a Minuet, The Officers enter during the Dance. 1st Of. 
Sir, We have an order of Council to search the Neighbourhood for persons who are in the Proclamation, but because we know you to be a civil Gentleman, we shall take your word. Is this all the Company that you have in your house?  Bull s. 
All, upon my word, Gentlemen●  1 Off. 
Why then, we wish you a good night, Sir. For I'll swear these people are not in the Plot.  2 Off. 
He were a Devil who could take these to be Plotters.  Exeunt Off. Bull s. 
Well, this Marquis is a great man.  (aside. Bald. 
Vat say you now, Meestre Bull? Who vud taaka us to be the Plotters? Vat had become of you, if you had plotted vid the Anglish-man? Venus de Anglish man do plot, Begad all his politiq be on de outside of him● and his countenance be as terrible as if it vere already upon de Pole.  Frowz. 
His Lordship's in the right of it. When an Englishman goes about to cut a Throat, faith and troth he looks like a damned Rogue.  Bald. 
Ouy Morbleu! He appear to be the Felon, de Sauvage; he have de Devil of malice in his Visage. But van de Fraunch-man do go about to cut de troat, Oh de plaisant man! He be absolument de best humoured Creature in de universal vorld: So civil, so frolic, so gay, that dear be plaisir, dear be satisfaction in having de troat cut by de Fraunch-man. Meestre Bull! Van de Fraunch-man do medite de grand mischief, he alvays copy dat bell original the Monkey; he show de ver plaisant grimace, he make de shattering and the noise, that signify just noting at all. Begad, you vowed swear he had no meaning in the universal vorld: He dance up and down, and play the thousand pretty tricks, and begad do ruin twenty, forty, a hundred people, vile they are making the ridicule upon him.  Frowz. 
His Lordship tells you but the naked truth.  Bald. 
Meestre Bull! you must put a your Scrawl to does paper! (Pulling out a Pocket-book) Vat are you villing to contribute to de grand expedition?  Bull s. 
What your Lordship thinks fit. But, my Lord, before I set my hand. (apart) would it not be convenient to send away these Dancing-masters?  Bald. 
Jernie! you take a dese Gentlemen to be de Coquin, de Maistre de Dance? Dese be some of de plus grand personages de France, who be come over deguisee, to rendre service to your Nation: dis be Monsieur le Marquis De Coupee.  (He presents them one after another, and Bull salutes them.) Bull s. 
I am your Lordship's most humble Servant.  Bald. 
Dis be de Viconte Baladin.  Bull s. 
I am your honours most obedient.  Bald. 
And does be de Baron De Bellefigure.  Bull s. 
Your very humble: If your Lordship will be pleased to let me see the Book, I'll set my hand to it.  (He signs.) Bald 
(Looking in the Book) Barnaby Bull, a thousand pound! Very good, Meestre Bull, you shall have de ver good place for dat.  A knocking. Enter Servant. Seru. 
Sir, the Officers who were here are come back with Mr. Bungy the Constable, who has assured them that there are suspicious persons in the house.  Bull s. 
Damned Rogue!  Seru. 
I refused to open the doors till I had given notice of it.  Frowz. 
Oh Lord, Mr. Bull, what shall we do?  Bald. 
Ah, we shall do for well, for well begad. Madam la Countess, let a me alone, and no aprehaund any thing. Run a you all (to those who are about him) and bring me the things which I ordered to be left a in the Antichambre.  [They run and fetch disguises: Baldernoe disguises himself like a Constable, and his attendants like Watchmen. He places himself on one side the door, and as Bungy and his attendants enter, Baldernoe lifts up his stick, and half knocks him down, and at the same time speaks. Bald. 
Who go dear?  Bung. 
(Returning the blow) A friend.  Bald. 
Vat friend? vat be your name?  Bung. 
My name is Bungy, my name is pretty well known, friend.  Bald. 
Bungy! vich of de Bungy's? dear be Bungy de Cuckold, and Bungy de Vittal: Are you de Cuckol or de Vittal?  Bung. 
hay day! what have we here? a Walloon Constable!  Bald. 
Walloon! Jernie you lie in your throat, me be de ver good Gascon, and de high Constable of Soho.  Bungy. 
The high Constable of Soho! That, I must confess, may be, that may very well be indeed. But look you Brother Constable, here's an order of Council to search the house.  Bald. 
My dear a Brother, me have already cherched the hose, and me find just noting at all.  Bungy. 
Have you looked in the Cellar?  Bull s. 
There is nothing in the Cellar, upon my word Gentlemen, but two Pipes of Claret, and four Hogsheads of October.  Bungy. 
Claret! That is French? Do you hear that my Boys? The Enemy's at hand, and in a strong body.  Omn. 
Fall on, fall on, fall on: Huzza! Huzza!  Bungy. 
But hearkee, Brother. I have orders to take up every one that I find in this house, Officers only excepted. Now the thing that I would know of you, is, whether Mr Bull and that fat Gentlewoman are comprehended in that order.  Bald. 
Ouy Begad, they are compraunded. Dat old man have the look, Brother, of the for dam Rogue.  Bungy. 
Then some of you away with him, while I with the rest search the Cellar; for I shall not be satisfied till I see all the Vessels emptied, for fear there should be Gunpowder or Fire-arms hid there.  Bull s. 
But hearkee, Mr Constable, hear me a word.  Bald. 
Morbleu Brother, you no harken to any thing; avay vid him presaunt.  Bull s. 
Do you hear this, Madam? Dog of a Marquis!  (apart.) Frowz. 
Mr Bull, he only does this for a blind, that he himself may pass unsuspected: For, he knows that you can receive no harm, unless they take up him, who has your hand-writing in his Pocket.  Bull s. 
Humph! Gadsbud that's true. Well this is a wonderful man.  Bungy. 
(to his followers.) Hearkee Gentlemen, what do you stay for? Away with them immediately.  Omn. 
Away with them! Away with them! Away with them!  Some of them carry off Bull s. and Frowz. Bald. 
So! Now let's call in the Fiddles, and rejoice for our good success.  Enter Fiddles. After a Dance, 

A Drinking Song by Mr Wycherley.  

I.  
A Merry Cup, faith let us drink,  
To be more wise the less we think,  
Since thinking is a silly thing  
Which brings us care,  
Fear and despair,  
To leave off thinking we should sing.   

TWO  
Well sing and drink eternally,  
Who thinks too much, too soon will die,  
Too much thought, is too little sense;  
He●s sad who thinks,  
He's glad who drinks,  
He who thinks lest is most a Prince.   

III.  
Wise Turks, that they may never think,  
Take Opium, and wise Christians drink;  
Thought drains and dries the fertile brain,  
But moistening it,  
judgement and Wit  
Will flourish and spring up again.   

iv  
A merry Cup then let us take,  
That dreams asleep, nor cares awake,  
May break our rest, our peace destroy,  
When we drink deep,  
Cares, sorrows sleep,  
Drowning our Care, buoys up our joy..   

V  
The thinker is the greatest fool,  
He without thought the true great soul,  
Who lets the world jog on as 'twill,  
Knowing all thought  
Is good for nought,  
But minds to torture, men to kill.    Bald. 
So! Now Gentlemen, while you are drinking out the old fellow's Wine, I'll make use of my utmost art to terrify him, that I may prepare him for what's to come.  Bungy. 
But kearkee friend Joseph, thou who art a professed thorough-paced Rogue, hast appeared as unconcerned all this while, as if thou hadst been only acting. But I am sometimes ready to tremble, when I think what consequences this business may have.  Bald. 
P'shew! If the worst comes to the worst, that which brought thee on will bring thee off.  Bungy. 
What's that?  Bald. 
Why, your Landlord Belvil's Money, old Boy. But fear nothing, for 'twill be in our shame Plot, as 'tis often in real Conspiracies,  
Where poor Rogues scape, who first the Plot being,  
And the rich Sons are swinged, who are drawn in.  
The end of the Fourth Act.   

ACT V SCENE Old Bull's house.  Enter Belvil and Baldernoe. Bald. 
ANd what do I deserve now?  Belu. 
A Statue: Thou art Mercury himself, the very genius and power of Cheating, and all the herd of Under-Rogues shall worship thee. But did my Cousin receive his Bride with so much joy?  Bald. 
With Rapture.  Belu. 
Fools are most subject to little transports, because they are presently struck by appearances, and never reflect on consequences. But are you sure that neither my Cousin nor Friskit knew any thing of carrying away my Uncle?  Bald. 
I am very sure. But what should oblige you to conceal it from Friskit?  Belu. 
Because at their return, I promise myself very good sport from their ignorance. About what time do you expect my Uncle back?  Bald. 
Much about this time. After that I Justice Baldernoe, had examined your Uncle and Frowzy, at my friend Mr. Palmer's house, and had commanded my Clerk to draw up their Mittimus, I told your Uncle, that to show him what favour I could, he should have the privilege of going in a Chair, and that Frowzy and his Guards should follow at a distance; so I ordered the Chairmen before they brought him hither to troth twice round the Garden with him, dismissed the Myrmidons, threw off my disguise, and brought Frowzy along with me.  Belu. 
Are the Chairmen to be depended on?  Bald. 
They are my Sub-pimps, and pick up a penny under me. But can you think to succeed in your attempt, of making your Uncle's house pass upon him for Newgate?  Belu. 
Are you sure you ordered the Chairmen to bring him up to this very Chamber?  Bald. 
I did. And trusty Joe, who acts the Jailor, is planted at the door; with instructions to receive and guide them.  Belu. 
This Chamber, you must know, is dignifyed by the name of the Devil's Apartment. It has been nailed up these twenty years, upon the belief of its being haunted. And, besides, I have caused it to be disguised with as much art, as so short a warning would let me. But is my Uncle sufficiently scared?  Bald. 
Yes, damnably; and to terrify him more, there happened the luckiest accident in the world. For just as the Chairmen were carrying him along, the Hawkers roared out a Proclamation just published, for the apprehension of Conspirators who are just now discovered, and I gave one of the Hawkers half a Crown to bellow out your Uncle's name; so that when he came to be examined, he never so much as looked once up upon me. I never saw a more patibulary phyz: I'll tell you exactly for all the world how he looked.  Belu. 
How, prithee?  Bald. 
Did you never observe a fellow, who, while the house has been all on fire beneath him, has been measuring with his Eyes the leap from the Garret-window. Did you never observe such a one? Ha!  Belu. 
Why, Faith no—  Bald. 
Why then you never had the best diversion in the world. That would have given you an exact image of your Uncle.  Belu. 
Nay, at this rate we may make him believe what we please. But hark he comes, let us step in quickly.  Ex. Enter Bull s. in a Chair, and Joe with a bunch of Keys in his hand, Bull s. gets out of the Chair, and the Chairmen take away the Chair. Bull s. 
Pray, Mr Keeper, let the Lady who follows me be well used.  joe. 
She shall have all the favour I can show her.  full s. 
Have you never a better Room than this, Mr. Keeper?  joe. 
Why, what ails the Room? A great many very good men have been hanged out of this Room.  Bull s. 
Gad's bud, what ● commendation there was. Well! This is the only Jail in Town that I have not yet been in. But I dont like coming to this Newgate a jot. As I came out of the Justice's door to take Chair, I stumbled at the threshold and fell flat on my face? That was boding. Immediately my Nose burst out a bleeding. Another devilish omen? And to confirm both, news was immediately brought me that my Lord Marquis was taken in his Constable's habit. Pray, Mr Jailor, let me have Pen, Ink, and Paper.  joe. 
Do you design to impeach any one?  Bull s. 
Sir, I design to write my Narrative, and pray don't be troublesome: My Narative! Good! Narrative Bull! This morning I had some little stock of reputation left in the world: And now before night I am turning Author and Evidence: Two very pretty creditable businesses.  joe. 
May I ask whom you design to accuse, Sir?  Bull s. 
Perhaps you, Sir. Pray friend don't be troublesome.  joe. 
Me, Sir, I defy you, I am innocent, Sir.  Bull s. 
Innocent, Sir! Well, Sir! And I am an Evidence, Sir. Look you, friend, I must produce Traitors to save myself, and Gadsbud I'll take the first persons I can light of: I'll give myself as little trouble as I can.  joe. 
Hark you Sir! If it were not for the Duty I own Mr. Belvil, and the obligations I have to him, I would load you with Irons till you roared, for this.  Bull s. 
Why, do you know my Nephew Belvil, friend?  joe. 
Know him? I think I have reason, Sir. He helped me to the employment which I am in.  Bull s. 
How?  joe. 
He is one of those who stands bound to the Gentlemen who lent the Money which purchased it. He has just now sent to me, that in case you were committed—  Enter a Boy. Boy. 
Sir, is this Prisoner named Mr. Bull?  Bull s. 
Friend, it is.  Boy. 
A Gentleman without desires to speak with you.  joe. 
Sir, before he can be admitted, I must go search and examine him.  Exeunt Boy, joe. Bull s. 
I am glad to hear that my Nephew has so much influence upon this fellow. Instead of Evidence, I shall now turn Suborner, and do what I can to corrupt the Jailor. I'll send for my Nephew immediately, and to engage him closely in my interest, release my right of Guardianship, which by his Father's Will was to continue till Marriage. What if I should likewise bestow his Mistress upon him? Humph! I'll do't: For sylvia refuses to marry my Son, and Bat will be better provided for. Enter Rumour. Ah! my little Intelligencer!  Rum. 
Ah, Mr. Bull, my heart bleeds to see this sight!  Bull s. 
Nay, prithee little Rumour, don't talk thus: Thou bringst the tears into my eyes. Prithee now what News, my Boy!  Rum. 
Ah! Mr. Bull.  (Shakes his head.) Bull s. 
Nay, Gadsbud speak to me.  Rum. 
Mr. Bull, I come from the Council-Chamber.  Bull s. 
Well!  Rum. 
That damned Marquis! That damned Marquis!  (Shrugs and lifts up his eyes. Bull s. 
Thou shrugst as much as if thou wert Dean of the College.  Rum. 
That damned Marquis!  Bull s. 
What of him?  Rum. 
Has produced a Table-book—  Bull s. 
Gadsbud I am a dead man.  (aside.) Rum. 
You tremble and look pale, Mr. Bull. So glorious a Cause, and want resolution! What afraid, Mr. Bull?  Bull s. 
No, no, afraid! I am not afraid: But the noisome smell of the Jail raises the Vapours, and will certainly suffocate me.  Rum. 
Why, then I bring you comfort, comfort, Mr. Bull. Can you have patience till Friday?  Bull s. 
Why, what of Friday, little Rumour?  Rum. 
Nay, all that you hear me say is, Can you have patience till Friday?  Bull s. 
Nay, but my dear Bully, give me some satisfaction.  Rum. 
Before Friday night you'll be out.  Bull s. 
How dost thou know?  Rum. 
Why they design to have you tried to morrow, and hanged before Friday noon. Have a little patience till Friday. Our friends, Mr. Bull, have great expectations from you, great expectations!  Bull s. 
What expectations?  Rum. 
Why, that you will go off bluff; and hang with such an air, with such a grace, that the Monthly Spectators at Hyde-park Corner may say unanimously, we were never so well pleased in our lives here.  Bull s. 
A pox please them! Dost thou hear any news of my son Batt?  Rum. 
Your Son and the Countess' Daughter are both in the Proclamation: The Messengers are searching all over the Town for them. They have set a thousand pound a Head upon them.  Enter Belvil and Sylvia. Bull s. 
Oh Nephew!  Belu. 
Ah Sir, I am throughly afflicted at this sight.  Bull s. 
Are you here too, Madam?  Sylu. 
Can you wonder at that, Sir?  Bull s. 
Nephew! Thou wouldst be the most welcome man in the world to me, if I were not conscious to myself, that I have used thee so like a Rogue, that I am ashamed to look upon thee. Canst thou forgive me?  Belu. 
Can you be so good as to ask it, Sir?  Bull s. 
Nephew, to show you that I design to be a kind Uncle for the future, I here before this Gentleman release my right of Guardianship, both to you and to this Lady, and she may now dispose of her person and fortune, as she herself thinks fit.  Belu. 
Sir, you oblige me in the most sensible part of me: And before I have slept I shall endeavour to deserve this kindness.  sylvia. 
It was but this afternoon, Sir, that you designed me for yo●● Son. This is a very sudden alteration.  Bull s. 
'Tis true, Madam. But other people now have a design upon 〈…〉. Poor Ba●● is like to 〈…〉.  Belu. 
Now, Madam, may I presume to claim the performance of your promise. What, no answer? But what answer could be so favourable to me as silence?  Bull s. 
Nephew! Consider that the Halter is now about your Uncle's Neck. Some other time for Courtship good Nephew. The Jailor gives me to understand that you have some influence over him.  Belu. 
Otherwise he were a very ungrateful Rogue. I have been just speaking to him in your behalf, and have with much ado prevail'd upon him— Hark you, Sir, a word in your ear. Who is that Gentleman!  Bull s. 
A very honest fellow.  Belu. 
Is he to be trusted?  Bull s. 
With any thing in the world ● that he can't pawn. The Dog will entertain folks rather with his own invention, than with his friends secrets.  Belu. 
Why then, Sir, with much ado, I have prevailed upon the Keeper, to let you make your escape: But it must be upon his own terms.  Bull s. 
Upon any terms, Gadsbud, upon any terms.  Belu. 
You must know then, that so many who were committed for Treason, shaving lately got out of this Prison, he lies under a strong suspicion, and consequently must be obliged to make his escape with you, and to leave his employment.  Bull s. 
Very good!  Belu. 
This employment cost him three thousand pound, which is still a debt, and must be discharg'n before he goes off.  Bull s. 
It shall be paid to night.  Belu. 
And then two thousand pound will be the very lest penny that can make compensation for his abandoning all, and provide for his subsistence in a foreign Country. Do you consent to the payment of that too?  Bull s. 
Gadsbud 'tis a great deal of Money.  Belu. 
Look you, Sir, you have but a moment to resolve: For your Trial comes on to morrow, and consequently your escape must be made to night: And if you determine to pay the Money, you must give your orders immediately.  Bull s. 
No abatement?  Belu. 
None.  Bull s. 
'Tis very hard, but I must submit: I have Notes for the money in my Pocket, which will be paid at sight.  (He gives him the Notes) Belu. 
'Tis very well! I will go and give all necessary orders and attend you again. Madam, I wait upon you.  Exeunt. Belu. Sylvia. Rum. 
Mr. Rull, your most humble Servant.  Exit. Bull s. 
This is a melancholy business in troth, a very melancholy business; but here comes Bat and the young Lady.  Enter Bull j and Friskit. Bull j 
hay day! What a Devil makes him in this Room, which has been nailed up for these twenty years. Yesterday he was afraid to pass by the very door. Mr Bull your Servant.  Bull s. 
Mr Dorant, your humble Servant. Madam, your most humble Servant. Are you two prisoners?  Bull j 
Prisoners! Ay, prisioners for life, old boy!  Bull s. 
Perhaps not so neither.  Bull j 
How, not so neither?  Bull s. 
Madam.  Frisk. 
Sir.  Bull s. 
Bear up, don't be dejected.  Frisk. 
I am always contented with my present condition, Sir.  Bull s. 
Spoken, Gadsbud, like a wise woman.  Bull j 
And for my part, I am both glad and proud of my captivity.  Bull s. 
This was always a vain Rogue, and always will be. Glad and proud of his being in Newgate! Senseless puppy, (aside) Who secured you?  Bull j 
Who secured you? How every old impertinent Fop can be satirical upon a new married couple! Why, if you call it securing us, Parson Goggle secured us.  Bull s. 
Did he so? He may be ashamed of the office.  Bull s. 
(aside) What will this World come too? When a Parson is esteemed the most contemptible Pander, and marrying folks is thought the most scandalous sort of pimping; nay, and by such Reverend Grey-bearded Rogues too.  Bull s. 
Who do you think did my business and the Countesses?  Bull j 
Why are you too in Limbo, to carry on the Allegory?  Bull s. 
In Limbo? Why what the Devil do you think I do here?  Bull j 
(aside) In Limbo? Why what the Devil do you think I do here! A very odd answer! Very absurd, let me perish! Yet why should I wonder at that! When this was always an impertinent fellow: But who was it did you the blessed office?  Bull s. 
Why that treacherous Rogue my Neighbour Bungy, the Constable.  Bull j 
My Neighbour Bungy?  Bull s. 
Ay, Mr Dorant.  full j 
Bungy the Constable?  Bull s. 
The very same.  Bull j 
That married you and the Countess? Ha', ha', ha'.  Bull s. 
Married! Is that the cant word for sending a Man and a Woman together to this place?  Bull j 
The Cant word for sending a Man and a Woman together to this place! (aside) Light headed by all that's good! Well! But if you and the Countess are linked, I wish you joy, much joy of you Petters, Mr Bull.  Bull s. 
Look you Mr Dorrant, don't rally your friends in adversity, for that may breed ill blood: I give you fair warning.  Bull j 
(aside) So! marriage has so far lost its credit, that it is christened adversity, and now adays, if you wish a married man joy, he immediately thinks you rally him.  Bull s. 
Madam, this is a sad place for friends to meet in. I hope you'll excuse—  Bull j 
Prithee honest Mr Bull, no Apologies, for she and I had as live see thee here, as in any place in Christendom.  Bull s. 
Let me tell you, the Press-yard is but a sad place to see a friend in.  Bull j 
The Press-yard! Why who has any friend in the Press-yard?  Bull ●. 
Why is there no body in the Press-yard▪ whom you esteem your friend, and for whom you are concerned?  Bull s. 
Look you, between you and me, 〈◊〉 Bull I hope to see all the friends I have in the Press-yard, very fairy hang'd  Bull s. 
(aside) Damn'd unnatural Rogue! Hark you! A word in your ear, Sir. Are not you a Dog to insult over your poor Father in affliction!  (In the Ear) Bull j 
In affliction!  Bull s. 
(aside) Ay, Sirrah! when you too are in the same condition, and your don't know what may become of you  Bull j 
Become of me!  Bull s. 
Ay Sirrah! As soon as I get out of this place, I shall remember this behaviour with a vengeance. 'Tis true indeed, I am now in a Jail, and bound to my good behaviour.  Bull j 
Ha! His Scull's cracked, by Heavens.  (aside) Bull s. 
But I shall not be always in Newgate.  Bull j 
Stark staring mad, let me perish! (aside) Ha! I must humour his frenzy: For when he was sober, he would use me like a Football, if at any time I contradicted him: What will he do now he's mad?  (aside) Bull s. 
I tell you, Sirrah, I shall have my liberty sooner than you may imagine.  Bull s. 
Alas! I know it very well, Sir: The Keeper informed me of it as I came in but now.  Bull s. 
And how durst you say then, that you hoped all would be hanged that were in the Press-yard?  Bull j 
Lord Sir, I thought the Press-yard had been on the other side Newgate.  Bull s. 
Oh! Did you so? Did the Keeper tell you how much I gave him?  Bull j 
He said nothing of that.  Bull s. 
Five thousand pound, you Dog! A swinging sum! But mum you Rogue! Gadsbud not a Syllable. Hark you, the Keeper makes his escape with me. But upon your life not a word!  (In the ear.) Bull j 
This is very strange. He was well enough within this half hour, he talked as sensible as I myself can do: But these things will happen.  Bull s. 
Madam?  Frisk. 
Sir.  Bull s. 
Don't be dismayed, don't be dejected.  Bull j 
Hark you my dear, in your Ear. Stark staring mad by Heavens: Humour him a little him in his Frenzy, while I go fetch some to take care of him.  Exit Bull. j Bull s. 
Look you, Madam, you shall not be in Newgate three days longer, assure yourself.  Friskit. 
In Newgate, Sir! Lord! How wildly he looks!  Bull s. 
No, for if some people make good their promise to me, you may assure yourself that the first thing I shall do after I have my liberty shall be to take care of yours.  Frisk. 
I expect the appointed time, Sir.  Bull s. 
As for my own part, I design for Flanders; but if I have any friends or interest in the world, I shall leave those behind me, who shall solicit your business powerfully.  Frisk. 
Well! this is very wild, and yet something consistent too. How do you find yourself, Sir?  Bull s. 
Why, faith Madam, pretty well in Body, but grievously troubled in Mind. A troubled Spirit is a grievous burden, Madam. I am afraid I behave myself after a mad rate: But you'll have the goodness to excuse all.  Frisk. 
He seems something sensible of his condition; a sign that his case is not desperate.  Enter Belvil, Bull j Baldernoe, and Frowzy. Bull j 
(To the rest, who stop just by the Door) Look you, say as I do, and I'll observe what you say: For, as you say, Ned, it is necessary that we should make him sensible of his condition, and cure him of this conceit of his being in Newgate.  Belu. 
You must. For if, as you say, the fear of hanging has seized so strongly upon him, as long as that continues, he'll grow worse.  Bull j 
But then, Ned, for fear, as you say, that as soon as he is convinced that he is not in Newgate, he should grow unruly, and refuse to undergo the Remedies which may be proper for him; we must even make him believe, that he is in Salva Custodia in another place.  Belu. 
And that his friends who studied his welfare, made use of the Address of making him believe he was sent to Newgate, only that they might convey him gently to that other place  Bull s. 
Ay, ay, as Bedlam for example; but be sure you say as I do.  They go forward Bull s. 
(spying them) Oh Nephew, where have you left your Mistress?  Belu. 
In a place where she has engagingly changed that name for a kinder.  Bull s. 
(to Frowzy) Madam, I am sorry to see you here, I hope the Jailor uses you kindly.  Bull j 
Jailor! What Jailor! Here's no Jailor.  Bull s. 
Where's no Jailor?  Bull j 
Why not within a mile of this place.  Bull s. 
hay day! What! I warrant there's no Jailor to Newgate.  Bull j 
Newgate! Why there we have it again. Newgate! What Newgate? Rot me, here's no Newgate.  Bull s. 
This fool ought to be shut up in Bedlam,  Bull j 
Why there's it, the fool is already shut up in Bedlam.  Bull s. 
What does the Fop mean?  Bull j 
Why the Fop has no meaning at all, and therefore he was sent hither. Look you old Gentleman, I will touch this matter as gently as I can to you. Your friends taking notice that you were grown something foolish, whimsical, absurd, and soforth, thought fit to have you sent to the College here, that you might go through a course of Philosophy, and be cudgelied and firked into a little Wisdom, by the surly professors of this place.  Bull s. 
What can this Dog mean?  Bull j 
But considering that you were always an obstinate Scoundrel, they thought it might be convenient to make use of a little Address with you. So taking you up for a shame Plot, they had you before a shame Magistrate, and instead of carrying you to Newgate, conveyed you to the Southside of moorfield's here.  Bull s. 
Was ever such a hellish Rascal heard of?  Bull j 
Why look you, would any one but a Cit. who was out of his Senses, call a person of my quality Rascal to my face!  Bull s. 
A person of your quality, you Rogue! Sirrah! What do I say or do like a mad man, that you dare to talk at this impudent rate to me?  Bull j 
Every thing thou sayest or dost, let me perish. Will you put it to the judgement of the Company: If thou canst give but so much as a reasonable answer to any thing; if thou either knowest what thou art, or where thou art, or with whom thou art, then will I be contented to be thought mad, and dieted and flogged in thy stead.  Bull s. 
Say you so? Come on, Sir! I take you at your word.  Bull s. 
Come then, old Bully, answer to thy Catechism. What and where art thou?  Bull s. 
Sirrah, to answer both in a breath, if I were not in Newgate, I would quickly prove to thee by very weighty arguments, that I am thy own natural Father.  Bull j 
Exceedingly foolish, let me perish. Come, come, judgement, judgement, the judgement of the Company. Is this old fellow in Newgate or in Bedlam?  Omn. 
In Bedlam in Bedlam.  Bull j 
Very good! Do you believe now that the inside of your Skull is a little out of repair, or no?  Bull s. 
I am so amazed, that I know not what to think.  Bull j 
Oh, oh, are you thereabouts? Now, let only this Lady answer. Madam, (to Friskit) do you own this old fellow to be your Father or no?  Bull s. 
Sirrah! Did I say I was her Father?  Frisk. 
Sir, If you are his Father, you must be mine, for this is my Husband.  Bull s. 
Is he so; I am glad of that however. (aside) Madam, he may be your Husband, but I'll make him know that he is my Son.  Bull j 
Raving mad, let me perish. Now Ned, do you answer: What is this old Gentleman's name?  Belu. 
Bull.  Bull s. 
Very good. And, Madam, (to Frowzy) what is my name?  Frowz. 
Dorant.  Bull j 
A Bethlemite, a Bethlemite, a Bethlemite!  Bull s. 
(to Frowzy) Tho his name is Dorant he is my Son. I shall satisfy your Ladyship about that business another time.  Belu. 
Pray, Sir, who is that whom you call her Ladyship?  Bull s. 
Why the Countess there.  Belu. 
The Countess! Ha', ha', ha', why that is Frowzy the Flanderkin.  Bull j 
The Countess! Ay, ay, this is Frowzy the Flanderkin! Well said little Ned, (aside to Belvil) banter him Ned.  Belu. 
And this is Friskit her Daughter.  Bull j 
Ay, this is Friskit her Daughter. Ha', ha', ha'. Well had ever man such diversion?  Bull s. 
Well, either this (aside) old Countess is a damned Jade, or else it is a moot case, whether I am in Newgate or Bedlam. Frowzy, Have a care what you say, Nephew! she's a Bawd! This a Lady of Honour and Quality.  Baldernoe, who had kept behind all this while, comes and stands before him, while Belvil says what follows, and stairs him in the face. Belu. 
For my part, I won't say this Reverend Gentlewoman is a Bawd. But she's very famous for her Charity, I'll say that for her: A great doer of good offices, a reconciler of differences, and a promoter of Christian Union.  Bull s. 
(to Bald.) Oh, is your Lordship there? It seems you have accused me.  Bald. 
(grinning) Do you speak to me, Sir?  Bull s. 
Ha! Are not you my Lord Marquis?  Bald. 
My Lord Marquis? Alas poor Gentleman! Let me see! (pulls out his Almanac) Full Moon March the first, three quarters after seven at night.  Belu. 
Why this is my man Baldernoe, Sir.  Bull s. 
Damnation! What do I hear? This is a Rogue. I both see him, and hear him, and smell him. Let me go, let me go, a plague confound you all, let me go  They strive to hold him; he breaks from them and runs towards the Door. 
Now let me see a little whither they have brought me whither this is Newgate or Bedlam. (He runs to the Door and looks out) Death and the Devil! I have been all this while in my own house. But though I am not at present in Bedlam, I am not like to be long out of it. Was ever man served as I have been? I have been us'd like a Bartholomew Coke; I have been cheated of five thousand pound, have been made to pass for a mad man: And my Son in all likelihood is married to the worst of Drabs. But hold, let me consider a little That Fop there is my Son, and in affirming the contrary they are mistaken; and this is my own house: In saying it is not they lie. But that Rascal yonder is not a Marquis: So far they are in the right: Now what that old Gentlewoman and her Daughter are, it lies upon me to examine. For, though my Son is an unnatural Rogue, yet I cannot wholly cast off the concern of a Father for him. Besides, both my Credit and Interest will suffer in his misfortune, and I am sure I must be concerned for those, Madam!  Frowz. 
Sir?  Bull s. 
And are you the very person that they say you are?  Frowz. 
The very person, at your service, Sir.  Bull s. 
Bless us! And is it your Daughter that my Son has married?  Frowz. 
heavens! And is it your Son that my Daughter has married?  Bull s. 
Am I thus grossly imposed upon?  Frowz. 
Am I thus basely cheated?  Bull s. 
Is the Countess sunk to this?  Frowz. 
Is the Viscount dwindled to this?  Bull s. 
Have you that are a Bawd, and have known what Carting is, presume to marry your Daughter to the Son of such a man as I am?  Frowz. 
Have you that are a Cit., and have known what Cuckoldom is, dared to marry your Son, to the Daughter of such a Woman as I am?  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, the Boy's ruined.  Frowz. 
Faith and troth the Girl's undone.  Bull s. 
He'll quite lose his Reputation.  Frowz. 
She'll be downright infamous.  Bull s 
I designed to make him one of the principal Merchants of England.  Frowz. 
I intended her for one of the topping Traders of the Kingdom.  Bull s. 
But he'll now be avoided by all substantial Dealers.  Frowz. 
She'll be now thrown off by all her lusty Lovers.  Bull s. 
As for my Daughter-in-law, I shall get her sound whipped.  Frowz. 
As for my Son-in-law, I shall get him fairly pilloryed.  Bull j 
(to Belu.) Hearkee Ned, prithee a word with thee: is all this raillery or no?  Bull s. 
Rallery you senseless puppy? Is this raillery? (strikes him) and this, and this. and this Nephew, a word or two with you.  Belu. 
But without passion I beseech you, Sir.  Bull s. 
Without passion let it be then. Have you behaved yourself in all this business think you, suitably to the Character which you bear in the world? Where's the man of sense, and the man of honour in all this? Is it for a man of honour to be concerned in a cheat? Or for a man of sense to bring misery and infamy upon his Family, and infamy too, which must reflect on himself. What is become of the money I gave you.  Belu. 
Why, to tell you the truth, I kept it as a Trustee for Colonel Medley.  Bull s. 
Ha! Have you dared to do this? Gadsbud, I'll have you all indicted for Cheats.  Belu. 
Why then Baldernoe here shall even produce his pocket-book.  Bull s. 
Ha!  Belu. 
Look you, Sir, it was agreed by Colonel Medley and me, that I should be serviceable to him in the getting his money for him, and he should be instrumental in the helping me to my Mistress; the Lady I have got, and he shall have the money.  Bull s. 
He shall?  Belu. 
He shall. Yet to show you that my intentions were honourable, and that in what I have done, I have acted by a nobler motive than Interest, if you will promise before this Company to forgive what's part, and to approve my Marriage, than I promise upon the word of a Gentleman to pay back the five thousand pound, and to pay the same sum to the Colonel my friend, out of my own fortune.  Bull s. 
Ha! Sayest thou so? And canst thou show● thyself so much a friend to one is of a contrary party?  Belu. 
I can never cease to be a friend to any one, because he's in an unhappy error. For to err is humane, and whatever is humane may befall the best of us. I know the Colonel to be a man of honour, and men of honour in all parties have the noblest Relation.  Bull s. 
Well, Nephew! To show you that this generosity has touched me, set but that intreaging head upon invention once more, and find out a way to rid me of this Beldame, and her Daughter, so that I and my Son may never hear more of them, and the Town may never talk of the business, and I here promise not only to approve your Marriage, but to pay the five thousand pound to the Colonel myself immediately.  Belu. 
Why then, Sir, know, that as you at the time that you fancied yourself in Newgate, were very safe in your own house here, so your Son, though he imagines himself linked in Wedlock, is still the master of his Native freedom, and as a shame Magistrate committed you to an imaginary Prison, so a counterfeit Priest betrayed him to a chimerical Marriage; and Baldernoe here, who was the Justice that committed you, was the Priest too who fettered your Son.  Bull s. 
Gadsbud, let me hug him for it.  Belu. 
And now, Sir, I hope you are satisfied, that I have been so far from engaging in a Cheat, that I have only obliged you to do justice to myself, and my friend.  Bull s. 
I acknowledge it.  Belu. 
And instead of bringing misery and infamy upon my Family, I have endeavoured, by opening your Eyes, to prevent your being cheated for the future, and consequently to prevent your real misfortunes, and your future Infamy. And first, for you, Cousin, I hope what has happened will something cool your passion for quality, which has so often run you into so many inconveniencies. For we have taken an effectual course, to show you that a bare Title is but an imaginary excellence, which, though it sometimes shows and adorns true Merit, yet it never gives it, and does not always suppose it.  Bull s. 
Sirrah! Lay this up in your heart.  Belu. 
As for you, Sir, I have hopes that what is past, may somewhat assuage your itch of Caballing, and correct your Credulity. What has happened, may serve to convince you, that there are in all Parties, persons who find it their interest to deceive the rest, and that the one half of every faction, makes a property in Fee-simple of the other: Therefore, if I may presume to advise you, never believe any thing will or will not be, because it is agreeable or contrary to your humour, but because it is in itself likely or improbable. And that for the future, you may be secure from more dangerous attempts than mine, learn to check your Vanity, and to moderate that heat, which you show upon every occasion, and to humble your Pride. For credulity in men engaged in a party, proceeds oftener from Pride than Weakness. And it is the hardest thing in the world to impose upon an humble man.  
Few tricking Rogues would be believed,  
Unless their Sots by Self-conceit,  
Were accessaries in the cheat,  
And by themselves were first deceived.   

EPILOGUE.  Spoken by Miss Alison, who acted the Beau. 
Tho' I was lately slighted as a Beau,  
I hope you●ll think me fit for business now.  
For Friskit's motive to refuse me then,  
Will scarce be thought a just one by the men.  
For young and little things, are things, I'm sure,  
Which you'll be well contented to endure.  
Therefore the Poet was inclin'd to choose  
Your humble Servant to sustain his Muse:  
He knew, if I would beg, I should not want  
A favour, who you know have one to grant.  
I've kept it long; There's an old Dame— Pox on her,  
An old morose, damned grinning jade, called Honour;  
Who with her coldness checks my forward Nature,  
Else should I quickly prove— The happiest creature!  
I'll throw her off, if possibly I can,  
Throw the grim Goddess off, and put on Man.  
I your young, buxom Magdalen's despise,  
She Saints, that have seven Devils in their ●●es:  
Who, to persuade us theyre above Humanity,  
Starve vigorous Appetites, to feed dull Vanity:  
No; 'tis decreed, since Lovers are so plenty,  
No Maid shall tread our Stage of five and twenty.  
egad we'll use our prime, before 'tis past,  
All won't find Legacies for being Chaste.  
Now who shall 〈◊〉 he my may? He, I swear,  
Who for this Play most warmly shall declare:  
The 'tis the empty● Fop in Covent-garden,  
Nay, though some wheezing overgrown City Warden,  
On whose high Front the Branching Antlers grow,  
Full Beast above, and not half Man below.  
FINIS.