DON QUIXOT Redivivus Encountering A BARNS-DOOR, OR AN Exact Narrative OF THE RARE EXPLOITS Of Captain Brains in a Dangerous Expedition against a Certain BARN in a Town on the other Side of the River ANNE in the Land of Little Ease, and Less Justice. UNDER THE COMMAND Of Tom Coxcomb Signifer, an Overgrown Tapster, and Principle-Member of the Disloyal Society of the Vitiosi, and of the Corruption of the said Town, and Sometime a Justler of the Peace there. As a roaring Lion, and a ranging Bear: so is a wicked ruler over the poor people. Prov. 28. 15. I saw under the Sun the place of judgement, that wickedness was there: and the place of righteousness, that iniquity was there. Eccles. 3. 16. I said in my heart, God shall judge the righteous, and the wicked, etc. Ver. 17. And that God might manifest them, that they might see that they themselves are beasts. Printed for the Company of INFORMERS. AD LECTOREM. HAve you ere seen Sir Bacchus in his Fits, Belch out his Rage as one bereavest o's Wits? Or have you seen him at his Bacchinalls? When drawn with Tigers at his Festivals Attended on, with Lenae, Thyades, With Maenads, and old Bassarides, With satire Priests, and's jolly Women too, With Furies, and the rest of's Drunken Crew? Servants so fit, as that they never were Fit attendance on so rude a Bear: Just so I saw proud Tombo's fury Swell, Huffing and raging as if none could tell From whence he might derive his Pedigree, Unless from Bacchus, or such Bruits as he, Cut, slash with Sword, shoot, kill, he cried, I'll bear you out, am not I qualified? I'm Master of the Revels, am not I? I say my Prayers in Sack and Claret high: I'm for the Church, and for my Sovereign, I'll ram and dam, and sink each Puritan. Then Swells, and foams, and spiteth fire, Ranging the Streets, Smites any in his Ire: There need no Harpies, no nor Furies by, Nor Demons to amaze the standers nigh: This Ragamuffin when with Dire he comes, His words a Larrum, but hark, to hear his Drums Had there been any Scythian Women here, He would have caused them all to disappear: Men prate and talk (quoth he) of Heaven and Hell, Such Scare-Crows Children serve, Sure I can't tell That there a God or Devil is; I fear them not, March on I say, but I do fear my Throat; His word's a Law, poor Captain must obey, He calls for's Imps, who dare to say him nay? He is the Ignis Fatuus of the Place, Which way he turns each Justice turns his Face; Their Zeal's inflamed by him, in him will fade At last, and find themselves in th' mire to wade, fanatics, Traitors all, and Rebels too Are such as won't like to this Madman do: None but the Topers that come oft to's Cell, Shall be his Neighbours, or shall near him dwell; His Panch brim full of Sack, and Pasty-Crust, And Swelled with Pride, no doubt erelong will burst. Applause he seeks, but breath won't in that Air, Until he's mounted into Hamans' Chair: Ascend the wrongs he may into a higher place, His Valour and his worth is all in's Face. Have you not seen the Mountains Swell for Birth? And then a little Mouse creep out of th' Earth. Have you not seen the Potter vaunt that he Turning the Wheel an Amphora here will be? But yet for all his haste a little Urn That must content him, that must serve his turn; Just so Swelled Tombo's brags 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 All men shall see that I 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 〈◊〉 O that fanatics all had but one Neck, I'd give them such a Blow I'd make them keck; Or all that good I know, on them I'd vent My Malice that ab inferis is sent: And let some Honour dignify my Pate, O dub me Knight of th' Post; 'twas read my Fate: Religion I'll Reform? yea and my King Shall find his Hand and Seal a trifling thing. Great pity 'twas that ere the Bible saw The English Tongue I'll make a Law That Latin it shall be: though I can't Spell My Psalter scarce, I'll make a shift to go to Hell. Laws against Drunkenness, and Profanation Of the Sabbath are my provocation. I will Repeal them all, or make you know Their true intent and meaning is not so. At most they do concern but poorer Sort That little Money have, and cannot Sport With Malago, Canary, Rhenish Wine, The Richer Sort may be as drunk as Swine. Such Wind this Bladder fills, but yet we see Parturiant montes something; less doth he. DON QVIXOT Redivivus ENCOUNTERING A Barns-Door, Section 1. ON the Lord's Day being the Seventh day of September in the Forenoon, some of the Inhabitants of the Town of Andover, and other Places adjacent in the County of Southampton being assembled together in the solemn Worship of God (in a Place assigned them for that end and purpose by his Majesty's most gracious Licence (in a quiet and peaceable manner: Mr. S. S. then Preaching from Luke 16. 25. Capt. Brains Esq; Captain of the Train-band of the In-hundred of Andover, and Tomas Coxcomb Innkeeper Ensign of the said Band, arose out of their places in the Church, commanding others to their Aid (making a great noise and disturbance there,) and among the rest charged Lieutenant B. to assist them, who said he should do nothing without a Warrant from a Justice of Peace: The said I. Coxcomb (being then a Justice of the Town) went out of the Church swearing, and wrote a Warrant (such a one as it was) in the Churchyard upon a Tombstone, to command the Lieutenant's assistance in breaking up the Meeting aforesaid, who then went accorningly with them. Section 2. The said Officers calling some of the Train-band together, came with Swords, Muskets charged, (by command from the Captain) Drum's beating, and other weapons of War unto the door of the House where the aforesaid were assembled; as soon as this violent assault was perceived by the Minister, he desired the people to be quiet, and sit still in their places, without making the least resistance, which accordingly was performed. Section 3. The Captain and T. Coxcomb enter in all imaginable rage and fury pulling and haling the poor people, roaring out, Constables, Constables; (which he thought had been there) ran up into the Gallery, down again ranging and bellowing like a mad Bull let lose, and then calls out keep the Peace, keep the King's peace; answer was made that none broke it but himself. Mr. S. said, pray Sir be civil, we have been treating of Heaven and Hell (quoth Tom, what do you tell me of Heaven and hell?) I came not to talk of Heaven and hell: pull him down; and pressed to come to the Pulpit, but could not for the throng of people who kept their standing, and would not move from their places; the Captain and T. W. fall a dragging out the people themselves, and having no Constables there, command in one of the Bailiffs Sergeants, and thrusts him in upon the people, who scrabled a little at them, and whiningly said, what shall I do? what shall I do? I do not know what to do with them, shifts into the multitude, and hides himself, than slipped out at another door, and ran away; They command in their Soldiers, one of which cocked his Musket charged, and presented into the house; others fall in with their Officers upon the people; at last they dragged out one person standing at the door, punching him and striking him many blows after he was out with their naked Swords; whereupon Mr. S. said, here is apparent violence offered to us, we will dismiss the Assembly, which he accordingly did, and desired all persons to departed to their respective Habitations. Section 4. The Ministers immediately came forth, the people following them: the Court before the house was full of Soldiers, and other people gathered from the Church and streets to behold the Fray: the Captain and Ensign laid about them with might and main with their naked Swords on the people, beating many without any regard who, or how they struck; (the soft-headed Captain dreaming that he was engaged in a very dangerous fight, though neither sword, staff, nor hand was lifted up against him;) one that had been at Church left his devotion to see what was like to become of his Neighbours, was sound bastinadoed by the Captain with the naked Sword. These two Officers Captain K. and T. W. and their two beagles the Informers did so basely abuse the people, that their patience and forbearance was to admiration, Section 5. The Lieutenant without a Sword, only a staff in his hand, stood in the Court endeavouring to his utmost (by his sober and prudent managemenr of his Office) to keep Peace, and hinder mischief, and through God's mercy in all likelihood was an Instrument to prevent effusion of blood. Section 6. The said Captain and Ensign seeing the Ministers come forth, commands the Soldiers to seize those Persons, and came immediately themselves and seized them with Swords drawn in their hands; the Ministers are had away Prisoners, multitudes of people following and thronging from all parts of the Town (as is usual in such uproars) in the street at some distance from the Meeting place: one of the Informers (a Sergeant) fling about his Holbert in the throng of people in a dangerous manner, and struck divers therewith; thereupon his heels was struck up, and was thrown in the dirt, whereupon some stir was made by the Soldiers, one threatening to discharge his musket among the people, whereat Boys and young people beginning to be exasperated, and at the abuses of the Informers, (who went along provoking the people) fling some dirt at them, some of which (its likely) or from the trampling of the People might fly as they said into the Captain's face, which accident was highly aggravated by the Captain, and his master the Ensign afterward, the Ensign saying that it was a Rebellion, and a Justice of Peace should not dare to walk the streets without danger of having his throat cut. section 7. The Prisoners are commaned by the Ensign into Mr. Bailiffs house, (he being at Church,) and a Guard set upon them in the Hall, many people assembled in the street, and at the door, but desired by the Prisoners to departed, and many did. Lieutenant B. also stayed in the street, and preserved quietness, there being some need thereof; the Informers vapouring up and down among the people, running at some, and striking others with Holberts, and other Instruments, especially if any called them Informers, which all the World cannot hinder Boys and Youths from: Informers being always a hateful sort of Cattle to all People. Section 8. While the said Prisoners were secured under a file of Musqueteirs in Mr. Bailiffs Hall in Squares, Ensign Tom attended with the Yeomen of his Guard Captain John, Mr. To. Captain of the Boys, one D. and W. T. Town-Clark, the said Ensign wallowed about like a great Porpus huffiing and sweeting, and pulling up his Belt, drawing out, and putting up his Sword, saying that there had been a Rebellion in Andover, that there was danger of cutting of Throats, sputtering much of such frothy Language. I will send away Post (saith he) for a Troop of Horse to suppress this Insurrection. Mr. R. draw up an Order immediately to the Captain of such a Troop to come away, and suppress a Rebellion in Andover, being not able to suppress it ourselves, the said W. K. an officious Servant to Tom Tapster puts Pen to Paper accordingly, Mr. Bailiff at length arriving from Church, (the Sacrament having been that day) the Captain and Ensign offer him this Writing to sign, and who considered of it, and told them there was no need of any such thing, for he saw no Rebellion, or danger of any, but he would undertake himself to secure the Peace of the Town, at which Tom's ire was exceedingly kindled, looking upon such a reply as no small reflection on his prowess and policy, told the Bailiff the Prisoners were prisoners of War, and that he would secure those Heads of the Rebellion, and would send for a Troop of Horse for that end and purpose: Well saith the Lieutenant, writ your Warrant to send them whither you will, I will give 500 l. Bond to deliver them there myself without a Soldier: no saith Tom I will have a greater force to secure them, and went forth in a great rage. Accordingly they say he sent for this Troop which lay at Hampton; but the Officers were wiser than to observe Tom. W. Commands, and return him (as they say) this answer, That they were not to wait upon every Fool's Arse. Section 9 Next a great Counsel of Officers is held and concluded; That two Drums should beat thorough the Town, to assemble the rest of the Company: who when called together, they draw forth a file of Musquetiers under a Sergeant to Guard Mr. Informer M. Commissionated to nail up the Barns doors, the aforesaid place of Meeting in New-street. He marcheth up most valiantly, armed with hammer, nails, and gimlet, chargeth the door, and it must stand; the Combitant encounters it, makes a Pass with his Gimlet, boreas on, reckons the day his own; at last comes a stone (they know not from whence) and struck this Goliath upon the Thumb, down goes the hammer and gimlet; and up goes the Thumb; look you here Gentlemen (quoth he,) do you see what they have done, they have broken my Thumb, and swore it was not possible to be done; but seeing the Wound was not mortal, he plucks up his Spirits, and with a trembling heart, and shaking hand, attempts this great enterprise once more, and makes the second Pass; when immediately another stone came and gave him a second gentle Patt, which put them all to a total rout: Away they retreat to the body of the Army, as a Forlorn-Hope half slain, and give an account to the Officers of the great hazard and danger of this Achievement, and that it could not be accomplished without greater Force. Section 10. Whereupon Captain Courageous animates his Soldiers, and marcheth up his Band with Drums beating, and Colours flying, and draws up against this Invincible Giant (Barns-door,) and when drawn forth into Battalia, a Combitant is sought for with a Workman's hammer to strike through the Temples of it; dreadful Polyphomus, none dares stand forth, till at last a pitiful runagade Smith (a man of desperate fortune) undertakes to nail the door as fast as a Horse-shoe, or else lose his hammer; and after the Outworks were cleared of the Boys their so feared enemies, out marcheth the Champion, the Army opening to the right and left, and desperately drives six whole nails into the door. A Knavish Smith standing by, undertook to defy that Giantlike Vulcan, saying ha'! I have a pair of Pinchers at home can draw these Nails. Now the other door must be secured by the same hand, which furiously set upon, as notably withstood the assault, for they shutting within side, could not now be nailed without drawing the Nails drove into the first door, whereby they might enter the House, so that they stand securing the House still by their Locks to the right Owner; and seeing there was no more to be done, and in vain to attempt any further, it's well enough saith the Captain. Come let us march Gentlemen, March. Section 11. Tantara, Tantara, triumphantly they march with Drums beating and Colours flying; Tom W. and his Captain looking as big as Don Quixot, ready to charge all the Windmills in the Land, commanding his Soldiers as they marched to fire upon the Children in the street for calling the Doegs by the names of Informers, roaring give fire upon them, shoot them, kill them, and rare work there had been, had the Soldiers been altogether as brainsick, and mad as these two Commanders in chief. Section 12. A Counsel of War is held, and the next grand matter under Debate was the disposal of those dangerous Prisoners into safer Custody for the security of the Peace of the Nation; at last Lieutenant B. is sent to the Prisoners (under strict Guard in Mr. Bailiffs house, and there civilly treated by him) to give them to understand that it was the Captain's pleasure they should be removed to the White Swan an Inn over against the Market house: Presently the inconsiderably formidable Tom of Andover appears wadling before his Band of Soldiers with Drums and Colous, sputtering and foaming like a great Boar, commanding his Soldiers to fire (as abovesaid) at the people, who stood forth to behold this Wonderful sight. section 13. Lieutenant B. (carrying himself still most civilly, like a Gentleman in all his behaviour) looking forth at the Window, and seeing the Elephant so rampant in the street, adventnred down to command this justice Ensign, and said, march on Gentlemen, and draw up in the Marketplace: I will deliver the Prisoners safe at the Swan; they march on; the Lieutenant brings the Prisoners after, and at Swan gate delivers them to Justice Tom, and departs: which said Justice commands them along with him, hath them into the Inn, stumbles upon a civility, and calls for the best room in the house for those Gentlemen, chargeth his Soldiers with them, sets Four for a Guard at the Chamber door, and a Court of Guard in the Town. Hall for relief to the other every hour, and for the Security of the Town: this was after about five hours' imprisonment in Mr. Bailiffs house. Section 14. And now in this place at the White Swan, a●d state of Inprisonment, the two Ministers continue from Sunday about five a clock at night, till Monday about nine a c●ock at Night: during which space of time this malicious bubble appears as followeth: sets his Court of Guard, appoints a Captain of it, roars and domineers in the Hall, and about the streets as if all the Tapsters in England were inconsiderable trifles to him: Order his Tattooes and Revallois to be beaten up in the Night, as if all the Nation were flaming with fire and sword. So great a noise there was at the door with the rudeness and ranting of Soldiers, as in the Street, and Market-house, that the poor Prisoners could not get half an hour of good rest all night. The next morning comes Ensign Tom bellowing to his Guard in the Market-house. and there keeps a court-martial, having taken a Boy upon some complaint of his Imps the Informers, for some Affront put upon them; first he condemus him to lie neck and heels, next reverseth that Sentence, and commands him to be hung up by the heels three hours. Section 15. This being the day for the election of the new Bailiff, and the Exit of this Justler of the Peace, growing on to the great joy of the Inhabitants of the Town of Andover, (P. B. and W. R, only excepted, the two great Admirers of his Valour and Zeal for the Church;) our Gentleman Proteus like, changeth his shape, (but not his Nature) appears in another Garb, he that was yesterday Gladiator, is now Cogatus, instead of a set of Drums, hath a set of Fiddler's pace before him for the honour of his Greatness and Corruption of Andover Chonorariums' that he and his Guest were always most acquainted with his Acchievements, having been still most renowned in the Field of Bacchus:) his Brethren of the Corporation all wait upon his Excellency in their Robes, but all of them cyphers, he the only Figure that signified any thing in this three day's Government of the Town by Sword and Drum: And now brings them to choose their Bailiff, and Magistrates, and other Officers under his Court of Guard, a very unusual thing till Tom became Keeper of the Liberties of Andover, and King P. was put beside his regality. ●ection 16. But the worst is, Mr. Justice comes a Pegg lower, and returns in Primam materiam, falls back to the Rear, and becomes the rump of Corruption: but the smell of the approaching good Cheer bore up his Spirits from sinking. And truly the Town had a marvellous intervale of Quietness whilst this Cerberus was held by the Chaps with a Crust; but having filled his Panch with Venison, Pasly, and Sack, and his Spirits elevated, he thought himself to be some body, and would have the Town to know that he was something more than non nihil, and therefore going from the old Bailiff, to the Bailiff Elects Banquet with his Brethren, he is pleased to cast up an eye as he goes along to the Prison windows, and (beholding his Prisoners, and divers others accompanying them, looking upon that transient fiddling pomp) the Gentleman fancied he was laughed at by some of the Beholders, and it was well he had so much wit to think so. (for never was a more ridiculous Baffoon that wore Sword, or Gown.) he roars out in the street to the Imprisoned Spectators, well done, weli done, I will be with you anon, and give you a Glass of Sack. Section 17. Before the Banquet, it had been Debated betwixt the Civil and Uncivil Officers what to do with the Prisoners, Captain John beginning to have some increase of his Wits by reason of the addition of the Spirit of Wine, and began to consider the keeping of these Soldiers, and paying them might fall to his share, that Tom had the honour, but possibly he should pay the shot; and though he might make a pretty good shift to feed them well that day from the Bailiffs Table (as indeed they were too high, for falling out about a piece of Pastry, or such a thing, they drew, and one was dangerously wounded in the Arm,) he might find it more chargeable to keep up such a Guard much longer upon two poor unarmed men, that he thought the Bailiff could keep Prisoners at an easier rate. Section 18. After Debate, Three Proposals were sent to the Prisoners to choose, 1. Either to remain Prisoners under Tom Coxcomb's Court of Guard; or 2. to pay the money to the Worshipful their Informers; or 3. to give Sureties to appear at the next Sessions, to answer to what Felonies, Murders, Treasons, and Rebellions insignificant Tom should lay to their Charge. The Prisoners soon resolved, and of the Three ev●lls of punishment chose the last and least: This Answer is returned to the Bailiff, and accepted by him; he acquaints General Tom, and his Clerk W. K. with the choice of the Prisoners; at which his Indignation is raised, thinking that he had so worried and terrified them, with Drums, Prisons, and high swelling words of Treason, Rebellion, etc. that they would have chosen rather to have given his Setting-Doggs a breakfast, then to have hazarded their Necks upon his high Impeachments: he therefore in a Rage resolves not to deliver up his Prisoners to the Bailiff, unless he might have bond of Indemnity for what was passed; and this was also Mr. Town-Clarks safe Advice, (being perfectly Tom's Creature) to his Masters; but it seems Mr. Bailiff thought this Counsel not good at this time. Section 19 Whereupon this Master of Misrule returns to the Barel-head swelled like a Toad; contrives how to reek his further malice upon the Prisoners, and how the Poison was vented, the ensuing Narration will fully make manifest. Section 20. On the said Monday night about nine of the Clock, the Prisoners were sitting in their prison-chamber under Guard in the White Swan, with divers Friends, Men and Women who came in to Visit them, and some taking a Pipe of Tobacco with them, and in discourse and expectation of enlargement that night; all on a sudden, (none there having the least intimation. or suspicion of any such thing) in flies Bacchus triumphant, metamorphosed into Mars rampant into the Prisoner's Chamber with his naked Sword advanced in his paw, roaring (and ranting as if he had been at his Sundays Devotion) where is S. and C. his Sword hanging in his eyes that he could not see them; Here, here say they, what's the business now? along with me, away with me, come along, else I will make you; (all People being amazed at the sudden of this surprising, Outrage,) down stairs he hath them, brandishing his cold Iron; and as he passed along the dark Entry leading to the street, made some Passes at those that were in his way:) One had unavoidably been run into the belly by him, had he not by the Glimpse of a Candle seen the Glittering of his Sword coming at him; whereat he nimbly with his hand put by his Thrust: When he came into the Street Mr. Bailiff, and his Brethren, and the Captain then going up Street from the Bailiff Elects banquet, calls out what is the matter there? seeing the hubbub and confusion in the street. Tom returns Mr. Bailiff come over, I charge you to my Assistance; and then where is C. here quoth he am I, along, along quoth Tom, you are my Soldier, my Soldier: No, no (saith C.) you are mistaken Sir, I am none of your Soldier, My Prisoner, my Prisoner quoth Mr. Coxcomb, Mr. Bailiff saith, Mr. C. I pray keep the Peace; whereupon he caused Proclamation of the Peace to be made. Captain K. _____ ran over, (having been in the Bailiffs company,) and said, I pray what is the meaning of this Mr. Coxcomb? I know (quoth he) what is the meaning of it; Whither will you have them (quoth the Captain?) I know whither I will have them quoth Tom. One of the Prisoners said to the Captain, do you know the reason of this strange acting? Saith the Captain they have been talking of something they cannot agree on, So! Saith the Prisoners, guessing right what that was; but is not this Fellow drunk quoth the Prisoners? No sure saith the Captain, I think not: We will go any where quoth the Prisoners where you will command us, but let us not be at this Fellows disposal, pray let us not go to his house; which Tom overhearing said, No, my House shall not be your prison, I have another place provided for you. Section 21. The breaking lose of this Bear, who indeed is never Sober, but a Guzzling Swearing Bruit at all times; but when acted by that evil Spirit his Zeal for the Church, is raving mad, and will Swear all manner of Oaths, and commit all manner of Insolences, might have been of dangerous Consequence at this time of Night, he running with his Sword at some, and threatening others; the people flocking together, and their blood sufficiently boiling at these horrid Cowardly provocations of his, whereby it appears to the World that the Town is not so inclinable to Insurrection, if it had been an easy thing to have put an end to Tom's Swaggering, and cut him of the Simples maugre his Sword or Soldiers; but Conscience towards God, Loyalty to his Majesty, and Love of the Nations peace, hath restrained people, and kept them in their Wits, whilst this mad Man ranged the streets. Section 22. Down the Street marcheth Tom with his Spit advanced, driving the Prisoners before, calling to them along, along, Swearing sometimes at them, and sometimes at the people coming after, ever and anon turning back, and presenting the point at them, threatening if any of them came near, he would run them thorough, and then to the prisoners; what you can make Tricks at me, (meaning as was supposed a Gentlewoman that looked out at the prison window, and bowed to his extinct Worship as he passed by,) I will have you quoth he where you shall hear what Parliament Men say. Section 23. Arriving at the Hart-gate, he leaves the prisoners there with the Captain, who waited upon his Ensigus Excellency so far to know his pleasure, runs in Sputtering into his Court, and calls to some Guests that Lodged there that Night, Parliament-men he said, in his wont rude Dialect; Come ye down there Gentlemen, Come ye down I say; at which Call appeared Three Gallants periwiged to the middle, and stood in the Gate, one of which opened his mouth and spoke, and said, Gentlemen there is an Act of Parliament, and we conceive Mr. Coxcomb doth but his Duty; Another said, Yes it is so, but we would not abett his overmuch Zeal, or to that purpose: So the Speeches ended, and good Night gentlemen. Now saith our Jailor Tom, you hear what Parliament men say, Come away, come away, along, along, along, and hurries away the poor prisoners towards the Goal, who patiently vampt along before him in the street in the dark and dirt, smiling to themselves at the Fellows madness; I will put you in saith he, see if Mr. Bailiff will fetch you out, and blundering something past the prison door, calls out come ye back, what do ye not know this place Mr. C. Yes Sir quoth he, very well I thank you for it, having been fetched out of his House Illegally once by that Fellow when he was Churchwarden, and committed thither by D. K. without Mittimus, or cause why: Tom Commands that the prison-doors be opened, and that the prisoners enter: Sir quoth one of them, you will Write something will you not? meaning a Mittimus, which he was not capable of making being no Justice, and therefore made his Sword his Mittimus: No quoth he, I will not keep them Close prisoners and let none come at them without Orders from the Captain or Bailiff, immediately sets a Guard of Soldiers upon the prison, and gives them the like charge, which Guard was hourly relived from his Court of Guard, and kept upon the prison till the Prisoner's enlargement from thence. some of which Guard were very rude and uncivil, turning out Visiters, watching the prisoners in the Chamber, searched the Victuals sent in, and a very Close-stool, which one kept out and said it was a Trunk, and might have arms in it, but searched it at least, and let it pass; its pity, he found not something for his better resentment. Section 23. All this reaked malice quite contrary to the Adversaries intentions, proved for the better comfort of the Prisoners, who in the other place were even quite sick for want of Rest by reason of the rudeness of the Soldiers, and their Spirits tired by many Visitors, and were glad they were retired to a place more remote from Tumultuous noise and company, and immediately an honest Neighbour bringing them into a good bed, and clean sheets, went to bed, and thorough mercy had very quiet refreshment. Section 24. The next day about Eight of the Clock News is brought in, that the Prisoners must away to Winchester in half an hour, and upon that the Band was called together, and Tom mustering of them all in a readiness to secure the prisoners thither; at which News the Prisoners were further rejoiced, hoping that ere long God would some way or other deliver them from Bruits, and bring them into the hands of men, and therefore blessed God for this News also, only Mr. S. being weak and lame, sent Word that he could not go such a Journey on foot, desired he might have a Horse; answer was brought that he might ride, but then must have his Legs tied; content saith the Good man: The Prisoners prepare for their Journey, dispose of all their prison Householdstuff, and sing the 146 Psalms, and are in expectation of the Word of Command, but found that their Counsel proves Abortive, Tom being happily quit of his Justice's place the day before, and could by no means procure a Mittimus signed by any other Justice. Section 25. When the Prisoners came into the Prison, they found a young Man that had lain there a Week, and committed by Mr. Popins Bale, and Mr. P. B. and T. W. for saying there goes the Informer; Another grave honest man P. B. Committed the next day for saying to one of the Informers passing by him, Solomon thou hast served the Devil all thy days, what wilt thou serve him still? the Rogue tells the Justice that he said the Service of the King was the Service of the Devil: Soldiers instead of Officers were sent up and down to pull men out of their Houses and shops, and hale them before the Justices, the Town still all in a Hubbub with beating of Drums, marching of Soldiers, setting some by the heels, threatening of others, Peter Bl. taking his measures from Tom W. was and continues to be his most humble and dutiful Servant. And mightily offended were these Zealous Gentlemen at the Lieutenant that he was not so mad as they; on Sunday they rebuked him highly for not wearing his Sword when they drew theirs; he told them he could do as much with the Staff in his hand as would be needful: On Tuesday having his Sword by his side, Tom Coxcomb the Ensign, and Capt. K. sets upon him to take his Sword from him, which he thought good not to part with. Section 26. On Tuesday about five of the Clock in the Afternoon, a Guard of Soldiers fetched the Prisoners up from the prion to Mr. Bailiffs house before Captain K. Mr. Bailiff and his Brethren, with whom ●ate the Honourable the Lady Sands, the Worshipful Sir Kinsmell Lucy, and Mr. Whitebread, Captain K. desiring some course might be taken for the prisoners that the Soldiers might be discharged: These Persons of Honour and Worship Treated the prisoners with much Candour and Civility, seeming to commiserate their Condition, and wishing Mr. Bailiff that some Expedient might be found out for their enlargement; Yes I pray saith the Captain let it be done, that the Soldiers may be discharged; finding that it would be more chargeable keeping them after the Bailiffs Feast. Mr. Bailiff requires them to pay their Conviction money to their Informers, which truly the prisoners could not yield to, knowing they had committed no Offence that deserved such a penalty; they told them they could justify the Imprisoning them till they had paid the Mulct; the prisoners said, they much questioned it, the Law having provided another way, viz. by Distress for the Raising of the money if refused. The Justices would know then whether they would show their Goods, and suffer themselves to be Distrained: They Replied they would make no Resistance, but would do their best to Secure their Goods; At last after long Discourse of this nature, among a great crowd of people, Mr. Bailiff assigns a House in Town for their Prison, and calls two Neighbours to be bound in 100 l. Bond apiece for the Surrendry of the Prisoners at that place upon a certain Warning given; which thing (the prisoners tired and wearied from place to place by Tom's Abuses, and his Soldier's Rudeness,) In considerately yielded, and found it an Inconvenience afterward, and would have been much more had their Obligation been legal. Section 28. Now after all this noise that the Inhabitants of the Town and places adjacent were sufficiently disturbed with, but not affrighted at, likewise people knowing it to be but the froth of a Sack pot: At last this wonderful Hector appears before those persons of Quality before mentioned, with his Accusations against the prisoners, and but against one neither, and saith Gentlemen, this Fellow (pointing at C.) is the worst person in England; Why: Mr. Coxcomb quoth he. T. W. answers, he goes about from House to House, and tells the people they must obey the Laws of God, they need not care a pin for the Laws of men: Who will say so quoth C. or Swear so bring your Witness. I will Swear so myself quoth Tom; That's a likely thing quoth C. that I should speak it in your hearing: The Gentlemen looked upon him and said nothing, but without doubt admired at the Impudence of the Beast. Section 29. Another Accusation he brought against the same party was, that he should look out of a Window towards the street on the people standing in the street, and say, you that are mine depart. Mr. S. replied, you mistake Sir, for the nearest to that expression was spoken by him Mr. S. who said to the people standing in the streets, I pray Friends if you have any Respect for us, go into your Houses, and where is the Treason or Rebellion in that, and here you see how the K. of Fr. with 30000 men went up a Hill, and so came down again. Section 30. But yet Tom is not satisfied, the Informers his Jackall's hath got no money all this while, he having promised them great Rewards; and therefore Tom hunts for them, taketh Captain J. along with him, and away to Captain A. their great Confident, (a Gentleman that keeps many a Couple of Beagles, Spiritual and Temporal, and now and then runs down a Carrier's Horse; sometimes a Non C. and catcheth most of the poor People by the Belly in this Country,) to him they bring a Certificate from the Bailiff of Andover, that he may send out his Warrants to Distrain those out of the Liberties of Andover, and withal Consult (Tom being a special Friend to the Liberties of the Town) to Present Mr. S. Mr. C. the Lieutenant, and about Twenty more for a Riot at the County Quarter-Sessions at winchester, and send their Informers to Swear it, which accordingly was done; It's very probable they would have put in this Presentment at Andover, where it was as right to be judged, but that all the Town (where the Offence was charged) can witness, that Tom, the Captain, and the Crew were the Ryoters if there were any, and that Mr. S. M. C. and the Lieutenant were the persons used all possible means to prevent all Opposition, or resistance from the poor people so abused by them, and their Informers; and this hundreds of people can testi●●e on Oath, if they be called to it. Section 31. And now for the perpetual honour of the present Governors of Andover, we must not forget (till they repent in dust and ashes) their unwearied care, diligence, and industry to vex, perplex, and persecute the good people of the said Town for the service of the living God. Mr. J. P. Bailiff, P. B. and Tom Coxcomb Justices, W. T. alias R. Town-Clark, making it their great business to stir up, and animate Informers, (which otherwise never had been in the Town of Andover) offering money, or promising it to divert to undertake the Service; at last hardly prevailing, with two pitiful poor lewd, dissolute Fellows, R. M. and S. H. Searge-weavers, the last of which they were exceedingly beholding to lately, but this Summer for abusing the whole Government, in setting up a Mock-Court, and personating the Bailiff, Justices, and all Officers himself, taking a Recorders place, something above W, R. deriding the several Infirmities of body, and judicial proceed (as the World knows they have very many of the last) who being discovered to them, they bond over S. to the Quarter Sessions, and many of his Comrades; but at Midsummer Sessions last, upon Examination finding him to be a person of such hidden Worth, and so able to manage Public Affairs, they thought him a very fit and well-qualified person to undertake the Rule of themselves, and the whole Town, and accordingly courted him to undertake the high Dignity of an Informer, and Suprovisor▪ Geneal of the Rule and Government. Section 30. Accordingly this Squire Solomon taking into Commission with himself the judicious and crackt-brained Gentleman R. M. begin to address unto the aforesaid Public Service; but these being not yet fleshed, (though they had a good mind to the Prey,) could not tell how to fasten, and therefore for a while beat about, came on, and went off again, smelled upon the Moush, but would not venture to fasten. Section 31. Their Masters (for so I call them in pursuit) cries ha' low, ha' low, here, here, here, Winds the Horn, claps them on the back, and finding that they still started when they came to fasten, not knowing a Hare very well, but taking him to be a Wolf when they came to see him; the Masters I say considered they were but young Dogs, and not yet well fleshed, consulted together that they would for once play a little foul play, and set a Purse not at a Moush, and take the Hare and give him to their Dogs that they might Suck the blood of him, and be animated to go on to their work with more courage the next time. Section 23. Therefore on August 10. 1673. they send out those Curs a beating, they beat very near the moush, and there make a stand, finding the Court-door shut of the House where the people met; one that stood there went to open them: no say they do not open the door, we were sent to Inform, but are not willing, we will go back and say the door is shut; They return to T. W. and his Brethren, (being at the public Rubric Devotion at Church, and the Vicar an old Sheep-biter preaching from 2 Tim. 3. 12. yea and all that will live godly in Christ Jesus shall suffer persecution, Insisted much on the Word Shall, and therefore no doubt pressed his Hearers to Persecute as their duty.) T: W. raiseth himself like a Puttock to the Prey, and yelps; Up riseth the other two Sparrow-Hawks, and W. K. the Faukner, and away they march, in they come towards the end of the morning Exercise in the time of Singing the last Psalm; Mr. Bailiff standing very uneasily, and T. W. unquietly during the said time, the people being not at all moved by the formidable presence, but Singing on without Interruption, though T. W. thought every body would be frighted with his face, having been up all Night before potting, gaming, and swearing; Now he thought God and all Religion must fly before him, he puts on his Hat, and pulls it off, and puts it on again, runs out to W. R. and bids him read the Orders: I will read no Orders quoth W. they know the Orders already; In he goes again, bids Mr. Bailiff disturb them, for saith he they will Sing all day; but Mr. Bailiff was so Civil as to think it was in vain for him to talk while they were Singing: The Psalm being ended, Mr: S. concluded with a Blessing. Then Mr. Bailiff opened his mouth and said, gentlemans, we understand you have a Tumultuous Assembly here. Mr: C. answered, you see Sir what it is: After this T: W: bubbled, and P. B. uttered some Impertinencies, (the people hasting out being dismissed) Mr. B. charged them to desist, and meet no more, or to that purpose; To which Mr: C. replied, Whether it be right in the sight of God to hearken to you more than unto God judge ye: so they departed. Section 33. In the Afternoon the people assembling after their wont manner, and Mr: C, Preaching, the same Justices with J. K. Captain of the Train-band entered the Meeting the second time, ushering their Informers with them; When they stood awhile, the said Minister going on with his Sermon, at last saith Captain I we must Interupt them, Mr. Bailiff pray do it: Accordingly Mr. Bailiff said, That their Meeting was contrary to Law, Seditious, etc. Mr. S. pleaded the King's gracious Licence: T. W. said, the King had no power to give any such Licence, and made a pish at it: Mr: C. pleaded that they were not Trangressors of the Act, being not Seditious, or Disloyal, and that they Worshipped God according to the practice of the Church of England, by Preaching, Praying, Singing of Psalms, and reading the Scriptures, and therefore were not liable to the Penalty thereof; After which Debate they departed, leaving their Informers to take Names: And now the Informers begin to take a Smatch of the Business, and the next Week come in to Swear before the Grand Three; They give them Oath, and when taken, they could not tell who to Name well, either by reason of the multitude, and not knowing whether they might offend in naming some Relations of the Justices, etc. but the Justice's seeing them something sparing, and modest, and naming but few, they helped them: Did you not see (say they) Such an one there, and such a one, and named whom they were most willing to have in the Scrape; To which the Informers Swore very roundly, and this was the first Conviction: the Sums whereof are as followeth: l. s. d. On Mr. C. the Preacher 20 00 00 On the Supposed Owners of the House 20 00 00 On Mr. S. and 13 others as Hearers apiece 03 10 00 On the Churchwardens, and one Constable 5 l. a piece for not Informing 15 00 00 Section 34. These Edomites having once Informed, Children and Youths as they went along the Streets would call them Informers; which they taking now as a term of Disgrace, and dis-reputation among their Neighbours, they Address themselves with great complaint to Mr. Bailiff how they were abused: Mr: Bailiff honours them with his Attendance down the Street, calling at the shops as he went along in great Rage, threatening the Apprentices, and saying he would not have the King's Officers (so he called the Informers) abused, and if any called them Informers, he would bind them to the good behaviour, or send them to Prison, etc. The People pleaded it was the Name of their Profession, and that Name the Parliament was pleased to give them, and therefore were not much moved any more than unto Laughter at such Ridiculous Actings of a Person of his Authority, and supposed judiciousness. Section 45. Hence upon further Complaint of the Informers, of the People's Saluting them still by that Title, Mr. Bailiff assembles his Oracles, P: B. T: W. J. K. and S: H. and passeth a Vote, That no Man or Woman should dare to call the Edomites Informers, and supposed the Parliament did not so well consider the Ill Consequences of such a Title; accordingly Sat in judgement upon all Affronts of them, hath the Boyes Convened before them, and finding one guilty of saying there goes the Informer (as the Youth denied not, but acknowledged when he was asked,) Mr. Bailiff requires Sureties for the Good-Behaviour of him, which he refusing, he sent him to the Town Prison, where he remained a Prisoner a full week. Section 6. On the Lord's day the 7th. of Sept. above named, when the great Violence was offered to the said Metres as is above rehearsed at large, the Informers came not into the Meeting any further than the Yard, (though Captain J. called vigorously for them, saying where is the Informers, the Informers, though about a W●ek before he passed the street in great Rage at the Boys for calling them Informers, and Instigated the Justices to punish them,) they are busied in pulling, haling, and beating the People by the Captains, and 't's Command and Example, but yet bring in Information, and Conviction is made by the Grand Three Persecutors as followeth. l. s. d. Mr: S. For Preaching Conventicles 20 00 00 The Supposed Owner of the Barn 20 00 00 11 Hearers a Second Conviction 05 10 00 On 18 more a first Conviction 04 10 00 This Conviction and Warrant for Distress T: W. Signed and Sealed when no Justice. Section 7. Among the Persons that these Informers had Swore against, there were Two that had not been at the Meeting that day, of which there was abundant Evidence, and therefore at the Town Sessions held at Andover October the Ninth, a Bill of Indictment was preferred to the Grand Jury against the said Informers for Perjury, Justice P. B. tells the Witnesses, that if they went to prove the Informers perjurers they must Swear high, calls the Witnesses after they had been with the Grand Jury; and endeavours to entrap them, and confound the Evidence, perverted their Evidence, and said, he would take his Oath they said one thing, when they said another; and when they have Evidence, point blank said it was nothing. T: Coxcomb (though no Justice) sat Controller of the Court, and said there was a Knot o● them, and told the Bailiff there would need two or three Files of Musquetiers to Guard home the Justices, swelling and sputtering out a great deal of Foam and Folly. The Grand Jury (by reason of one I: G. Linen Draper, and A: M. Clothier, two persons of the same Kidney with T. W. and the Informers,) could not agree to Find the Bill, Eleven or Twelve being for finding it, but these Two resolved never to yield upon any Evidence; said the Persons that gave Evidence were such as went to the Barn, and therefore were not to be believed, with other such Impertinent put offs whereby they detained and wearied the Jury, and Court, being hacked also by P. B. and T: W. Mr. bailiff adjourns the Court till Monday Seven-night after. Section 38. When the Prosecutors of the said Informers (seeing such obstructions to the Current of Justice,) thought meet to procure a Counsel to appear (an universal thing in Preferring a Bill to a Grand Jury) to see fair play: A Counsel appears, overlooks the Bill, und finds it nought, amends it, and the Witnesses all new Sworn to prove that those Persons were not at the Meeting at that time; Mr: P. B. also Supaenaed to give Evidence that the Informers had Sworn against the said Persons; He said he could not Swear unless he saw his Hand and Seal; The Constable is called for to bring in the Warrant with the Three Justice's hands to it; who appearing, Tom Coxcomb demands the Warrant again and again; the Constable simply delivers it to him, who takes it and shows P. B. his hand, whispers to him, and immediately runs out of the Court with it. P. B. is urged to give Evidence to the Grand Jury, refuseth to do it: The Jury come and say, they had sufficient Evidence that the said persons were not at the Meeting; but not that the Informers had Sworn against them, though several Witnesses were Sworn, who heard one of the Justices (Mr. P. then sick of the Gout, and therefore could not appear in the Court) say that the Informers had Sworn against these persons before all Three of them, and their Names were on the Warrant, and one of them Distrained by the Officers, W. R. T. C. tells with might and main they had no Evidence that the Informers had Sworn against those Persons, and therefore could not Find the Bill. The Counsel calls for the Convictions to be produced in Court as the Act requires, and told them the hazard of not doing it, viz. their Forfeiting their 100 l. a piece, (the saving of which they still pretended to be the reason of their fierce acting against the people) notwithstanding all, they refused to produce the said Conviction, choosing rather to hazard that penalty, then to do any thing that might endanger the cropping off the Dog's ears. Section 39 The Counsel seeing them so Peremptorily resolved to stop Justice against their own Creatures, said he saw it was in vain to press there any further, Justice must be sought for elsewhere, withdrew the Bill, and departed the Court, and said he had been in many Courts, but never saw the like of this. Section 40. And that none need question T. W. to be a true Potestant, hear the Confession of his Faith; he said, There are so many Judgements and Divisions, and People are come to so much Knowledge, that it is pity the Bible was ever put into English; The other Articles of his Faith are in the Koran, and in the Quart Pot. Section 41. And that the World may be quite out of doubt of the Integrity, justice, and honesty of the aforesaid Justice P. B. take this short Addition to the Premises. Being Complained to, that the Officers had found Tom. Coxcomb, W. R. and D. H. Tippling together at the Heart on the Sunday, and let them alone so doing. Mr. P. B. answered, he did believe the Law did not intent the punishing such Persons who were of the Richer Sort, but the Poorer that were not so well able to spend their money; and for the rest of his Religion, it was pricked up long ago on the point of his Rapier, and abandoned with a Health upon his Knees, and ever since he hath had a Chiver-leathered Conscience, and the Rule that he hath walked by hath been Lesbian, or the Ell and the Yard. Section 42. Now though this Narrative look so much like a Fiction, or Tragicomedy; Yet be it Known unto all, That the Things declared therein, are a true and exact History of Things not done in a Corner, but before the Sun, in the sight and hearing of Multitudes of People; And if any question the truth of any Thing herein Declared for matter of Fact, he may have in Andover many Witnesses to attest the Truth (if lawfully called thereto) upon Oath; and as for any thing else besides History, it's but some Characters according to Fact, and calling a Spade a Spade. Section 43. Lastly, Let the World judge whether such Courses and Practices as these, be the right way of Promoting and Establishing the Protestant Religion in England; and whether there be any more than a pair of Shears between Papists, and such Protestants that are so sick of the overflowing of the Gall? And that if ever England should come to flame with Fire and Faggot again, (which God forbidden ever it should,) whether it doth not abundantly appear by what hath been said, that (however other places speed) there may be found Blood▪ Hounds enough in Andover to pursue the Game? I might Query other Things, but choose to End with the Liturgy, and say; From Bloody Papists, and Cruel Plundering Protestants, Good Lord deliver Us. FINIS.