Pecuniae obediunt Omnia.  
MONEY Masters all Things: OR, Satirical Poems, SHOWING The Power and Influence of MONEY over all Men, of what Profession or Trade soever they be.  
To which are added, A Lenten Litany, by Mr. C— d, a satire on Mr. Dryden, and several other Modern Translators; also a satire on Women in general: Together with Mr. Oldham's Character of a certain Ugly Old P—  
Tho' jews, Turks, Christians, different Tenets hold,  
Yet all agree in Idolising GOLD.  
Printed, and Sold by the Booksellers of London and Westminster, 1698.   

TO THE READER.  
REader, a Miss I shall present thee here,  
Whose Company is grateful everywhere;  
In Country, City, Court, and Camp, she can  
Great Services perform for any Man.  
Both Poor and Rich her Presence do admire,  
And her Acquaintance earnestly desire;  
Labourers and Husbandmen, with Farmers too,  
Tradesmen and Scholars, all her Friendship woe;  
Physicians, Lawyers Civil and Common,  
And grave Divines too, she's scorned by no Man.  
The Chaplain, Curate, Vicar, and the Dean,  
prebend's and Bishops wish to entertain  
This lovely Miss: The Nuns, with Monks and Friars,  
Lord Abbots, Lady Abbesses, Lord Priors;  
The Yeoman, Gentleman, Esquire, and Knight,  
Baronet, Baron, and Viscount delight  
To have her Company, wherever they are;  
Earls, Marquesses, and Dukes desire a Share  
In her; Princes, Kings, Emperors and Pope,  
Her to embrace, their Arms stretch forth, and open.  
Tho' Courted thus, yet she keeps honest still,  
No Man can prostitute her at his Will:  
She makes her longest Stay, and takes her Rest  
With those that hug her close, and love her best;  
And tho' she lodge with you in the same place,  
All th' Favour you can have's to kiss her Face:  
Tho' she'll consent you freely may her use,  
Yet have a care you offer no Abuse:  
He that presumes to wash her, or to round,  
Or clip, file, or impair her Weight, or's found  
To counterfeit her Honour, or embrace  
Her worth, hazards his Life for such Disgrace:  
Reader, if thou enquirest after this Miss,  
Her Name then know Madam PECUNIA is.  
The Charms and Power she has in every thing,  
And how effectually about to bring  
Her Purposes, where she does interceded,  
Hereafter thou mayst fully see and read,  
If thou wilt take the Pains but to o'er look,  
And thoroughly peruse this pretty Book.   

To his Honoured Kinsman, on his POEM called Money Masters all Things.  
SOme specious Titles fix unto their Books,  
To tantalise the Reader, when he looks,  
And does peruse the Book, with longing Mind,  
Expecting still the Hypothesis to find,  
Of Ethics, Physics, Politics, or Laws,  
Or such like various Mutters, Things, and Cause,  
As by the Title-Pages are set forth:  
But in th' perusal, finding nothing worth  
That answereth his Pains, or Time, or Cost;  
His Time, and Pains, and Charges are all lost.  
But you, Sir, to the Title you have fixed,  
Do all along so close keep to your Text,  
That he who reads your Book from End to End,  
Each Page thereof he surely must commend;  
For in each Leaf you have so plainly shown  
Th' Obsequiousness Men unto Money own,  
That all with you must needs conclude and say  
'Tis Money, Money, Money bears the Sway.  
R. J.   

On the following POEM.  
WHO in this Book by chance an Eye does cast,  
Will tempted be to look upon the rest;  
For here are Wit and Truth together joined,  
So neatly intermixed, they please the Mind,  
And rouse Attention, whilst they plainly show,  
How Money governs all things here below:  
At every Turn Truth comes so patly in,  
That view the World, and there you see the Thing.  
Nor is there more of Money's power expressed,  
Than what some one or other will attest,  
And from Experience write probatum est.  
L. M.   

To the Author, on his POEM called Money Masters all Things.  
SIR, let me tell you what your Pen has done,  
You have accomplished what was oft begun,  
Or hinted at by others; you have told  
At large the All commanding power of Gold.  
Some have attempted in a faint Essay,  
Others have dropped Remarks thereon; but they,  
Content with that, ne'er made a full survey;  
But you at last  
Have largely shown the wide and sovereign power  
Of Money, and how all things bow unto her.  
Perhaps some curious Critic will allege,  
You have not hit the Humour of this Age:  
Your Verse is plain, were it polite and gay,  
'Twould better please the nice: To this I say,  
The gaudy Ornaments of Poetry  
Would not with such a knotty Theme agree;  
What's natural and free becomes it best,  
'Twere awkward, were it polished and dressed▪  
It's better far some Matters to relate  
In lowly Style, and not in Verse of State.  
Were you to write of Emperors or Kings,  
Of conquered Towns, or great Heroic things,  
Then Pegasus should mount, and spread his towering Wings.  
But here you show the World as in a Glass  
That flatters not, but Face does answer Face.  
Poetic Varnish had not beautified  
Your Work, but daubed it, had it been applied:  
You've chose a better way to let us see  
The Wonders of our primum Mobile,  
Howed puts the Mass of all Mankind in Motion,  
To follow't with laborious Devotion:  
Would any Man consider't, let him come  
To this your Universal Speculum.  
T. H.   

THE PROEM.  

A satire upon MONEY.  

I.  
IT is not the Silver or Gold of its self,  
That makes Men adore it; but 'tis for its power:  
For no Man does dote upon Pelf, because Pelf;  
But all court the Lady in hopes of her Dower.  
The Wonders that now in our days we behold,  
Done by th' irresistible Power of Gold,  
Our Love, and our Zeal, and Allegiance do mould.   

II.  
This purchases Kingdoms, Kings, Sceptres, and Crowns;  
Wins Battles, and conquers the Conqueror's bold;  
Takes Bulwarks, and Castles, and Armies, and Towns,  
Our prime Laws are written in Letters of Gold:  
'Tis this that our Parliaments calls, and creates;  
Turns Kings into Keepers, and Kingdoms to States,  
And Peopledoms this into Highdoms translates.   

III.  
This Plots doth devise, then discovers what th' are;  
This makes the great Felons the lesser condemn:  
Sets those on the Bench that should stand at the Bar;  
Who judge such as by right aught to execute them:  
Gives the boystr'ous Clown his unsufferable Pride;  
Makes Beggars, and Fools, and Usurpers to ride,  
While ruined Properties run by their side.   

IV.  
Stamp either the Arms of the State, or the King,  
St. George or the Breeches, C. R. or O. P.  
The Cross and the Fiddle, 'tis all the same thing.  
This still is the Queen, who e'er the King be.  
This lines men's Religion, builds Doctrines & Truth,  
With Zeal, and the Spirit; the factious endu'th,  
To club with St. Katherine, or sweet Sister Ruth.   

V.  
This made that black Senate to sit still so long;  
To make themselves rich, by making us poor;  
This made that bold Army so daring and strong;  
And that made them drive 'em like Geese out of door;  
'Twas this made the Covenant makers to make it;  
And this made our Levites to make us to take it;  
And this made both Makers and Takers forsake it.   

VI  
This spawned the dunghill Crew of Committees and ‛ Strators,  
Who lived by picking their Parliament's Gums;  
This made, and then prospered Rebels and Traitors,  
And made Gentry of those that were the Nations Scums.  
This Herald gives Arms, not for Merit but Store;  
Gives Coats unto such, as did sell Coats before:  
If their Pockets were lined but with Argent and Or.   

VII.  
'Tis this makes the Lawyer give judgement and plead,  
On this side, or that side, on both sides or neither:  
This makes Yeomen Clerks, that can scarce write or read,  
And spawns arbitrary Orders as various as the Wether:  
This makes the blue Lecturer pray, preach and prate,  
Without Reason or Truth against K. Church or State,  
To show the thin lining of his twice covered Pate.   

VIII.  
'Tis this that makes Earls, Lords, Knights, & Esquires,  
Without breeding, descent, wit, learning, or merit;  
Makes Ropers and Ale Draper's Sheriffs of Shires,  
Whose Trade's not so low, nor so base as their Spirit:  
This justices makes, and wise ones we know;  
Furred Aldermen likewise, and Mayors also;  
Makes the old Wife trot, and makes the Mare to go.   

IX.  
This makes the blue Aprons write themselves worshipful,  
And for this we stand bare, and before 'em do fall;  
They leave their young Heirs well fleeced with wool,  
Whom we're too call Squires, and they're to pay all,  
Who with beggarly Souls, though their Bodies are gaudy,  
Court the pale Chamber Maid, and nick name her a Lady;  
And for want of Discourse they do swear and talk bawdy.   

X.  
For Money men's Lives may be purchased and sold,  
'Tis Money breaks Laws, and that mends 'em again;  
Men venture their Quiet and Safety for Gold,  
When they won't stir a foot their Rights to maintain.  
This Doctors createth of Dunces, and those  
Commanders that use to pollute their Hose;  
This buys the spruce Gallant his Verse and his Prose.   

XI.  
This Marriages makes, 'tis the Centre of Love;  
It draws on the Man, and it pricks up the Woman:  
Birth, Virtue, and Parts no Affection can move,  
While this makes Lords bow to the Brat of a Broom-Man.  
Gives Virtue and Beauty to the Lass that you woo,  
Makes Women of all Sorts and Ages to do;  
'Tis the Soul of the World, and the Worldling too.   

XII.  
This Horses procures you, and Hawks, Hounds, and Hares;  
'Tis this keeps your Groom, and your Groom keeps your Geldings;  
It buys Citizens Wives, as well as their Wares,  
And makes your coy Ladies so coming and yielding;  
This buys us good Sack, which revives like the Spring;  
This gives the Poetical Fancies their Wing;  
This makes you as merry as we that do sing.     

MONEY Masters all Things.  

I. On the Longaevity of Money's Regency.  
THo' Madam Money look both Brisk and Gay,  
Lovely and fresh as Blooming Flowers in May;  
Yet she for several Centuries of Years,  
Has Reigned, as it by Sacred Writ appears:  
For Ephron Zohar's Son, for Money's sake  
Assurance unto Abraham did make  
Of Machpelah, and th' Cave within that Space,  
That he might have it for a Burying place.  
Abraham possession took thereof, and made  
Room in the Cave, and Sarah therein laid.  
Three thousand and five hundred years are passed  
Since this, and more, yet Money runs as fast,  
And vigorously, as if but in her Prime,  
And never had appeared before our Time;  
Tho she in former Times has born great Sway,  
judas for her, his Master did Betray,  
Since which near Seventeen hundred years are Spun,  
And yet she strenuously about does Run;  
For Madam Money will never be old  
So long as Sun and Moon the●e Course do hold.  
As she in former Ages did Enchant,  
And Men lead as she pleased, she still does Vaunt,  
That she's grand Mistress yet of the same Art,  
And's not desidious to act her part:  
Her Company to gain, Men wait and tend,  
And her they'll Idolise to the World's end.   

II. On the Consequences that attend the Restraint and Prohibition of Moneys free Currency.  
When Regal Power, or States do put Restraint  
On Moneys Currency, there's great Complaint,  
City nor Country, know not how to Live,  
When Money Transmigration cannot have;  
When she's prohibited by the Command  
Of Supreme power, to pass from Hand to Hand,  
Both Rich and Poor, do sadly then complain,  
For without her all comfortless remain:  
When Money is compelled to disappear  
The Griping Usurer must then forbear,  
No Debts can then be got, though long time due,  
When she Absconds, 'tis but in vain to Sue:  
Landlords must want their Rents then at Rend day  
Money's proscribed, the Tenants cannot pay:  
Tradesmen are hopeless, Live 'twixt hope and fear,  
With careful Thoughts when Money'll not appear.  
Yeomen and Husbandmen do stay at home,  
With longing Thoughts, to hear when Money'll come.  
Poor labourers than are ready for to Weep,  
They know not how their Families to keep;  
If Money's Company they cannot have,  
They're in despondency their Lives to save;  
'Tis she Revives the Gentleman and Clown,  
Where she comes not all Hearts are there cast down;  
When she's at liberty all Men are glad,  
But when Restrained, they're Mestive then and Sad:  
For her Restraint does all men's Minds perplex,  
She's Salus populi, suprema Sex;  
For though Men fret and s●me, are full of Gall,  
If Money intercedes, she quiets all.   

III. On the power of Money in general.  
Money the Goddess is, which all Adore  
She Charms the Universe, with her bright Ore;  
All Ages, Sexes and Opinions be  
Fond in Love, with this fair Deity:  
Her Votaries she has in every State,  
And Prince's Court, and other potentate.  
In all Cabals and Meetings near so close,  
She by her Charms, their Secrets can disclose;  
Cunning hatched Plots thought to be surely laid,  
Have been by her discovered, and betrayed;  
And she by her Infatuating Power,  
Hath showed the Company, the place and hour.  
The greatest Secrets and Clandestine Things  
Acted by Popes, or Emperors, or Kings,  
For love of Money have been plainly shown,  
Which otherwise would never have been known.  
In County, Camp and Court, she bears the Sway,  
And is so prevalent, she's ne'er said Nay;  
Her power can raise to Honour, or throw down  
A Noble Man, advance a Silly Clown;  
If you desire to have your prince's Ear,  
Make use of her, and then you need not fear;  
For she into the presence Chamber brings  
Some that without her, near should speak to Kings.  
She introduces some, brings into grace,  
Many who Honour merit not, nor place.  
Favour she can procure at any time,  
And make a Dunce unto preferment climb,  
When Parts and Worth, neglected are and sit  
Discouraged, and no Employment get.  
Where she does not appear to interceded  
There's then small hopes your Business will succeed.  
'Tis Money, that procures a Man respect,  
And want thereof, is slighted with neglect.   

IV. On the former prevalency of Money, at Elections for Members of Parliament.  
Such as desirous were, and had intent  
To be chose Members for the Parliament,  
Where choice of such was ordered to be made,  
Money they made their Friend, that was the Trade.  
He that was free of purse, and treated high,  
Neighbours unto the place he could put by;  
And Gentlemen of good account that way,  
They did out Vote, and so obtained the day.  
Money did make the Burrow Men all keen  
To give their Votes, tho' they had never seen  
His Face, until th' Election came in hand,  
Yet than their Tongues, and Hearts he did Command.  
Money sometimes did silly Men prefer  
To places of this Trust, when others far  
More worthy for their parts, were set aside,  
For Money in this Case, was the main Guide.  
And bore the chiefest Rule in every place,  
Men to this high preferment brought, and Grace;  
Virtue and Worth will now contend with Gold;  
This place of Trust must not be Bought or Sold.  
But honesty and parts, are now preferred,  
Which ofttimes Money heretofore debarred.   

V. On Persons in high and honorary Employments.  
Money is sure a Witch, and doth delude  
Men in great place, as well as th' Multitude.  
If she her glittering Spells before Men cast,  
They're Captivated then, and held so fast,  
That neither Honour, Wisdom, Honesty,  
Nor place of greatest Trust, nor Gravity  
Can them secure from this unhappy Fate,  
Witness some famous Men but now of late:  
Such is the force of Money at all Times,  
That she can aggravate, or lessen Crimes;  
The Guiltless she can Gu'lty make we see,  
And can prevail to set the Guilty free.   

VI On Moneys former Regency in the Universities, and Inns of Court.  
If you Reside at the University,  
And there a very Dunce or Rakehell be;  
Yet Bachelor, and Master too of Arts,  
For Money you'll be made, tho' you want Parts.  
And if you'd still advance, to be more Famous,  
Doctor you may proceed then by Mandamus,  
Without your keeping Acts or Exercise;  
So whether you are Learned, or otherwise  
Does not appear, Money does salve up all,  
She can a Fool unto preferment call.  
The meanest Lawyer ofttimes we may see  
By Money's help, preferred to the Degree  
Of Sergeant at Law, although he've never Read,  
And in's profession is a dunder Head.  
Money has power to raise him higher still,  
For she a Judge can make him if she will.   

VII. On the Court of Chancery.  
If you've a Cause in Chancery does depend,  
And you upon a Master must attend  
For his Report, than Guinneas must appear,  
Else you of great delay may stand in fear;  
And when's Report he makes unto the Court,  
Perhaps you'll have no cause to thank him for't.  
Who beat the Cushion best, shall have respect,  
Favour i'th' Cause, the other side neglect:  
Miss Money with her Charms can make him kind,  
He all Advantages i'th' Cause shall find,  
If she appears not, he's then sadly Blind.  
Solicitors and Clerks too, must receive  
Encouragement from her, else they will give  
Neither Respect unto your Cause nor you,  
Will no Attendance give, nor kindness show,  
But Lady, Money will your Cause right State  
And prove for You a powerful Advocate.   

VIII. On the great Predominancy Money has in all Courts.  
In every Court Experience shows each day,  
That Money bears the overruling Sway.  
If she in the Kings-Bench does but appear,  
Or th' Court of Common-Pleas, they her Revere,  
Or in th' Exchequer, or that the Assize,  
Or Sessions of the Peace, she does Surprise.  
For she in every Office Regent Sits,  
And there at all times has her lucky Hits.  
She can procure dispatch without delays,  
Or make you dance attendance many days.  
Money can expedite, or can deter,  
Discover Truth, conceal it if you err;  
This Lady can do aught that you would have,  
She either can condemn, or she can save.  
All Officers to her Obeisance owe,  
With Hat in Hand to her the Knee they bow.   

IX. On Divines.  
Money some grave Divines makes to dispense  
With all the Checks of tender Conscience,  
Swallow down any Oath, and never stick,  
Rather than lose a fair Rich Bishopric,  
Good Deanery, Prebend, or Fat Parsonage;  
Their Credit they'll expose upon the stage  
Of Censure and Reproach, rather than fail,  
If they in their Pursuit may but prevail:  
Such are the Charms of Money, that they will,  
By nice Distinctions, and Scholastic Skill,  
Prove all things Lawful which they know and find  
Assisting are to their aspiring Mind,  
And may advance some steps in the Ascent  
Of the desired Stage of their Intent,  
Of living Great, Supine and Easie Lives,  
Make Children rich, and towering high their Wives.   

X. On wicked judges.  
Money does partial Judges Eyes so blind,  
That they the Truth can neither see nor find,  
But are misled into some Error great,  
Mistake the Cause, I will not say a Cheat,  
But they're so strangely led into Mistake,  
That they the greatest Wrong for Right do make,  
misrepresent the Evidence i'th' Cause,  
So th'Jury give a Verdict against the Laws:  
Money can make a Cause more clear by far,  
Than the profoundest Lawyer at the Bar.   

XI. On Lawyers.  
Bos in Lingua has been a Proverb long,  
For Money surely charms the Lawyer's Tongue;  
She stupifies his Sense, and makes him dumb,  
He nothing says in's Client's Cause, but Mum:  
Book Cases he forgets, and of his Sense  
He's now deprived, has lost his Eloquence,  
And jingling Harangues, which Lawyers use  
The Cause to puzzle, and Court to amuse;  
The wrangling Logic too he used to have,  
And urge in Court his Client's Cause to save,  
He now has clear forgot, and cannot give  
One single Reason, the Cause to retrieve.   

XII. On justices of the Peace.  
To Justices of Peace Men rarely bring  
Money for Favour, but some other thing,  
As Turkeys, Geese, Pigs, Capons they present  
To them, or to their Ladies with Consent;  
Or else the Clerks by the poor Men are seeed,  
That th' Justice may at Sessions interceded,  
And speak for them, to get 'em a Discharge  
Of their Recognizance, to go at large:  
So tho' to Money th' Justice is not bend,  
Yet he will something take equivalent.   

XIII. On Clerks of the Crown, and of the Peace.  
Clerks of the Crown and Peace, to bring about  
Their sitient Designs, oft issue out  
Illegal Process, thereby Cash to get:  
This makes the People at such Practice fret.  
If Judge or Justice should hear of the same,  
They'll find Excuses to evade the Blame.  
So 'tis in vain to clamour at the Wrong,  
You may as well sit still and hold your tongue.  
When Bailiffs come, you must pay what they ask,  
Or they'll distrain; tho' it's an heavy Task.  
Money to pay, where none is due of Right,  
But this we find is oft o'erswayed by Might.  
Money and Friendship do o'er-master all,  
Better sit still than rise and get a Fall.   

XIV. On Clerks of Assize.  
Clerks of Assize contrive, and beat their Brain,  
What way their Place will them afford most Gain;  
Sometimes they wheadle, sometimes fret and storm,  
And threaten People if they'll not inform,  
Or swear to some Indictments, what care they,  
Whether be true or false, so they get Pay:  
'Tis Fees, 'tis Fees they look for, and will have;  
Money procures Reprieves, and Life can save.  
Tho' Proofs prevail not, nor what Lawyers plead,  
When Money comes, she hits the Nail o'th' head:  
'Tis She can free you without Bond or Bayl.  
Or can continue you still in the Gaol.  
What is't that Money does not at all times,  
She frees the guilty, guiltless loads with Crimes.   

XV. On Attorneys and Solicitors.  
Attorneys and Solicitors Money charms,  
To throw their Client's Cause into her Arms;  
Then Business they neglect, and take no Care,  
Council to see, or Witness to prepare.  
The Client a Bailiff fees, to cry about  
Runs here and there to find's Attorney out,  
Who purposely absconds, keeps out of sight,  
And ne'er intends to do his Client Right.  
The Client, when too late, does understand  
His honest Cause was lost, 'cause not well man'd,  
He blames th' Attorney, who for his Excuse,  
Begins his honest Client to abuse;  
Tells him, when as the Cause in Court was named,  
T' appear in such a Cause, he was ashamed:  
And says, if he the Truth had understood  
At first, that's Client's Cause had not been good,  
He'd not have meddled in't; so with a Scoff,  
And a mere Shame, he puts his Client off.  
Thus Money can nonsuit, Defaults can call  
Judgements Arrest, Money is all in all;  
She can demur, overthrow or save a Cause  
On either side, with or against the Laws.   

XVI. On Spiritual Court Men.  
If in the Spiritual Court you chance to be  
Presented there, by some for Bastardy,  
Clandestine Marriage, or such like Offence,  
The Court for store of Money will dispense  
With any Crime, and for your Money's sake,  
Dismissed you shall be, no Penance make  
But if this Idol's wanting, and you're poor,  
You than are sentenced by the Chancellor,  
Some Corporal Penance publicly to make,  
That others may by you Example take.  
But in the other Case, the Chancellor,  
The Advocates, Proctors, and Register,  
When all of them have got a good large Fee,  
Then they contrive a way to set you free,  
If you Whoremonger be, or Whore, or Jilt,  
Money prevails to set you free from Gild.   

XVII. On Domestic Chaplains.  
If you Domestic Chaplain chance to be  
Unto some Person of good Quality,  
Whenever my Lady's Woman fears she'll prove  
With Kid unto her Master, he doth move  
The honest Chaplain some Respect to show,  
Adviseth him the Abigail to woo;  
Tells him her Lady such great care does take  
For her, that she will her a Fortune make;  
And I too for my Spouse sake will bestow  
First Living that falls in my Gift on you,  
That you with Comfort long may Live together  
Solacing yourselves, in one another;  
The hopes of Cash, and Living too does Charm  
The Chaplain so, that he in Love grows Warm;  
He Courts the Prostitute, who does seem Nice,  
His Amours not admitting in a Trice;  
Yet after some Addresses she is Won,  
And so the Chaplain gets a buttered Bun.  
Upon th' Enjoyment, he perceives a Cheat  
On him is put, the Cushion some have beat  
Before he came, and made it fit for use,  
He's grieved in his Mind at this abuse.  
But than bethinks himself since 'tis his Lot  
He must be pleased whether he will or not;  
And so his hopes do solely rest in this,  
That now she's Wed, she'll do no more amiss.  
And thus, the Idol Money has such Power  
A Man for love thereof will Wed a Whore;  
He that Weds such, in hopes she honest prove,  
May afterwards repent his fond hot Love.   

XVIII. Non-conformists.  
Some Non-conformists, we oft see tempted are  
To wear a Surplice, keep Set Forms of Prayer,  
Kneel at the Sacrament, great Reverence show  
To th' Altar, at the Name of jesus bow;  
And at the other Rights no scruple make,  
And all this for a good Rich Living's sake,  
Which store of Money does them yearly bring,  
For love of which, they'd yield the Mass to Sing;  
This Goddess Reforms, and Transforms a Man,  
Prevails with some more than the Gospel can.   

XIX. On Romish Priests.  
If you your Father Confessor do feed  
With Cash, you need not fear what Life you lead,  
For you may Kill, Rob, Steal, Drink, Whore and Swear  
Incest commit, without regard or fear,  
Or other Crime, for he can Pardon all,  
Your great and crying Sins, as well as small;  
And when you die, if unto him you leave  
A good round Sum, he than your Soul can save  
From Purgatory, to Heaven strait it goes,  
Evades all Purgatory, Pains and Woes.  
And so tho' Money can't perennate your days;  
Yet after Death, she hath the power to raise  
You unto Bliss, if you have steadfast Faith,  
And can confide i' th' Priest, and what he saith.   

XX. On Quakers.  
Tho some that seem Hot Quakers, will not Swear,  
Yet when Things of Advantage do appear,  
By which great Profit they may get; O then,  
They'll Lie, Dissemble, Cheat like other Men:  
The Light within them by the Spirit Fed,  
For love of Money is Extinguished;  
And the Old Man within 'em, now bears Sway,  
And so we're not to trust their Yea and Nay,  
Although it be the Quakers Zealous Passion,  
It is mere Cant, and great Dissimulation.   

XXI. On Land Officers in the Field or Garrisons.  
If Money to a General does appear,  
She charges all, breaks through Front, Flanck and Rear,  
This Dalilah enticeth, till at length,  
She doth discover his whole Army's Strength,  
Wherein it does Consist, and how it lies,  
Then with her Lustre dazleth his Eyes;  
He's taken with a Slumber, senseless made,  
And no Alarm takes, till all's betrayed;  
His Army was so Posted, that none could  
Dream of Surprise; but Oh the power of Gold  
And Silver Charms, Money's bright shining Twins,  
O Money, Money when a War begins,  
Thou canst prolong it, or can make it cease,  
Thy Umpirage determines War, and Peace,  
Tho th' Cause be near so Just, when Wars begun;  
Yet without Money, it cannot go on.  
Money procures both Arms and Men to Fight,  
She can defend the Wrong, ' oer throw the Right,  
Can make the Cannons to Shoot ' oer or short,  
To Batter, Beat down, or not hurt a Fort,  
Make Fuzees Fire or Die, or Bombs fall down,  
And to Destroy, or not Destroy a Town.  
Besiegers and Commanders Gold bewitches,  
Their Men cut off, within their Mounds and Ditches,  
Or wittingly betrayed, ''the dead of Night,  
And so confusedly do make their Flight,  
Leaving their Guns, and Baggage for a Pray  
To the Besieged, when they Run away.  
As Money Siege can raise before a Town  
So when before 't, an Army does sit down,  
And specious Terms unto the Town does tender,  
She can entice them quickly to Surrender;  
Although the place be Strong, and can hold out,  
Money can strangely bring the thing about,  
Where Vigorous Assaults can not prevail,  
Money can open Gates, and Walls can Scale.  
Besiegers and Besieged her obey,  
It's Money that doth bear the Bell away.  
The Town of greatest Strength, Money has won,  
Which by the Force of Arms, could not be done.  
Great Lewis knows, this practice is his own,  
For this not Force, has gained him many a Town.  
For Money Officers false Musters make,  
And also for this tempting Idols sake.  
Their Soldiers they will Cheat, of Clothes and Pay,  
Quarters o'th' Tick leave, when they March away.  
Money's so tempting, when she comes to Hand,  
Rather than part, they'll hazard a Disband,  
She bears the Rule in great, as well as small things,  
Money at all times, strangely masters all things.   

XXII. On Sea Officers.  
Money does Officers at Sea so Charm,  
That Enemies may Sail by without Harm.  
She Anchors them so fast, they'll not get free,  
Or else the Fogs are thick they cannot see,  
Until the Fleet of Enemies pass by,  
And then the Officers do them descry,  
O then they follow, and pursue a main,  
Discharge Broadsides, but not a Man is Slain;  
Or if there be, it's some unluckily Shot  
The mischief does, which they intended not.  
Stores being gone, than they make off from Sea,  
Get fr●sh Rec●●its Aboard, expect some pay;  
Then they ●o ●●a again return to Cruise,  
And spend their Prince's Store in like Abuse,  
As they had done before; so all this while  
Their Prince of pay, and Stores they do beguile.  
Money where she attempts, she does prevail  
Duty and Loyalty to 〈◊〉 to Sale;  
And Shipwreck makes of a good Conscience,  
Makes breach of Trust and Oaths, seem no Offence.  
Such Power this Fascinating Goddess hath,  
She makes Men Abdicate Fear, Shame and Faith.  
A Conqueress, we may her truly call,  
For Money does o'er power and master all.   

XXIII. On Privateers.  
The Privaters do Cruise about the Main  
Hazard their Lives and Ships, Prizes to gain.  
And then the Masters must compound and pay,  
Or else the Men and Ships, they'll tow away;  
But if it be these Roving Robbers Fate,  
To fall ' i'th' Road of Men of War, that wait  
These Privateers to Fight and Seize upon,  
And they are ta'en, they then are qui●e undone.  
For Men of War no composition take,  
But these Men and their Ships, free Prizes make,  
Pirates expect Money will be their Lot,  
But they themselves sometimes do go to th'obiection.  
Money's so prevalent none can withstand,  
Men venture for their Prize by Sea and Land.   

XXIV. On Skippers, or Master's of Ships.  
Money will make the Skipper Anchor weigh,  
And in the foulest Wether go to Sea;  
And leave his Friends, and Children, and his Wife,  
Hazard his Men, his Ship too, and his Life.  
So charming is the glittering of this Ore,  
That none can him persuade to stay on Shoar.  
With or without a Wind, to Sea he'll go,  
Maugre his Friends whether they will or no;  
For Money is so much his Heart's delight  
That neither Storms nor Tempests him Affright.   

XXV. On Witnesses in a Suit at Law.  
Money makes things so evident and clear,  
To th' time before they're Born some Men will swear,  
Others she makes, they can't well remember  
Whether in April 'twas, or in December;  
Or in what Year, or how the thing did happen,  
They're now grown Senseless, and has all forgotten.  
Money distracts, takes Memory away,  
They know not what was done but Yesterday.  
She Memory can quicken or decrease,  
Can make a Witness Swear, or hold his Peace.   

XXVI. On Under Sheriffs, and Associates to Clerks of Assize.  
For Money the Subvic keeps you at home,  
So that you need not to th' Assizes come.  
And if you by mistake, or in some Hurry,  
Happen to be Returned on the Grand Jury,  
If Money but appears before the Eyes  
Of the Associate, to th' Clerk of Assize,  
He'll skip your second call, no Bailiff Swear,  
So you're excused from Service and from Fear,  
And now may walk about, or take your ease,  
Impend your time with whom and where you please.   

XXVII. On Seal Keepers to Sheriffs.  
The Sheriffs Seal Keepers, and Clerks for Money  
Will give you timely notice, when there's any  
Process against you brought, that you at home  
May save yourself and Goods▪ er' th' Bailiffs come  
To make a prey of you, and what you have,  
So when the Bums do come, than they will rave  
And hunt about, and stamp, and foam like mad,  
When not so much as Fees are to be had;  
They being twice or thrice thus served, you may  
Compound, get easy Payments and long day,  
And by this means great Charges you may save,  
Which Sheriff and the Bailiffs else would have.   

XXVIII. On Bailiffs.  
Although a Bailiffs chiefest Friend you are;  
Yet he for store of Coin perhaps will dare  
You to Arrest, or else he will betray  
You to his Confreers, and show how they may  
Your Person seize, make known the time, and where,  
Of which th' poor harmless Man stands in no fear.  
'Cause his supposed Friend sits by Demure,  
So the poor Fellow thinks all is Secure;  
But at long run, the Catchpoles hurry in,  
And then the Judas rouses, does begin  
To Fret and Storm, and Quarrel every one,  
When he himself in truth's the Cause alone;  
And so behind Back, with a Fleering Laughter,  
The poor Man like a Sheep is lead to the Slaughter,  
By which its plain, a Rascal Bailiff will  
His nearest and best Friend for Money Sell.   

XXIX. jailors.  
Jailers for Money, will great kindness show,  
Irons keep off, above and not below  
Your Lodged, may Eat and Drink too at their Table,  
Have any thing you lack if you are able  
To pay for it, but if you're Poor, you're thrown  
Into th' low Gaol, no favour than is shown▪  
And tho' your Case be miserable Sad,  
Yet there no Pity, nor Regard is had,  
Imperious Jailor's Lord it, if you're Poor,  
You must with Patience their Scorns endure.  
But Money Friendship gets, does never fail,  
Although you're kept and cooped up in a Gaol.   

XXX. On Custom Officers.  
To Custom Waiters both by Land and Water,  
How to get Money, is the only matter,  
At which some aim; for where they get a Fee,  
Tho' they be Sworn, yet they can Oversee,  
And hazard both their Conscience and their Place,  
For Money's sake they'll venture a Disgrace;  
But when no Money does appear, O then  
They're in their Office very Zealous Men,  
Will make strict Search, and Rommage round about  
Discovery to make, and find things out;  
For which there's Custom, or some Duty due,  
Then they're Severe, and will no Kindness show;  
But tell you, that they are upon their Oaths,  
And so will grope you round upon your clothes,  
That there be no Concealment by you made,  
You must excuse them then, for't is their Trade.  
Mon●● the Eyes can close, or open bring,  
They can discover, or not see a thing,  
Things done in time, or out of time all's one,  
Or if not done at all, she can atone;  
Money makes things pass curren● any time,  
And can atonement make for every Crime.   

XXXI. On Sergeants at Arms, or Pursuivants.  
If Sergeants at Arms, or Pursuivant  
Be sent for you; and Money you do want  
To palm the Man, than he will Search about,  
And make Enquiry, till he ●inds you out.  
And then away he'll hale you in great haste,  
He's other Work in hand, so cannot waste  
His time to wait on you; but you must go  
Along with him, whether you will or no;  
But if you've store of Money for a Fee,  
And gratify him well, he'll Oversee;  
Then back again return, leave you behind,  
And make response, that he could not you find.  
But when that he unto your House did come,  
You'd taken a far Journey, gone from home,  
The time you would return, uncertain was  
So he was forced to let the Business pass;  
Thus Money blinds his Eyes, he can pass by,  
And at's return excuse it with a Lye.   

XXXII. On Excise Officers.  
Th' Exciseman a Concealment can over look,  
For a good Fee not enter't in his Book,  
And where he has a kindness he can charge  
At easy Rates, others set down at large,  
For the Poor Ale wives have in this no Skill,  
So th' Officers may charge them as they will,  
And whatsoe'er they set them down, they must  
At the next sitting pay, for there's no Trust;  
The General Riders, and Surveyors too,  
This Goddess Money do Adore and Woe,  
Think nothink troublesome, nor count it pain,  
If they but this bright Goddess can obtain;  
And likewise every other Officer  
Does Compliment, Cringe, and make Legs to her.   

XXXIII. On Stewards.  
If you would have a Farm at e●sie Rent,  
Let my Lord's Steward know, what's your intent;  
Be free to him, and he will bring't about,  
For he does always know, when Farms are out.  
So if you store of Money to him bring,  
At easy Rent, he'll place you on the thing,  
Will get you Licence some fresh Land to plow,  
Or cut down Wood, and any kindness show.  
Thus Money proves a powerful Advocate,  
In Country Business, and Affairs of State.   

XXXIV. On Surveyors of Land.  
If there be Land that you would have Surveyed,  
And you th' Surveyor would your Friend have made;  
Let Money then accost him as your Friend,  
She so effectually will recommend  
Your Business unto him, you may command  
Such a Return and Survey of the Land,  
As you Instructions give and do require,  
He'll make it more or less as you desire;  
Money so tempting is, that she can have  
A Man for love of her, become a Knave,  
Rather than suffer Money to pass by,  
Men to oblige her, will both Swear and Lye.   

XXXV. On Messengers.  
If you be in Arrear of Fee Farm Rend  
To th' King, a Messenger to you is sent;  
And when he comes his Fee you must first bring,  
And pay him down, before you pay the King.  
From th' King Exchequer, he tells you there's due  
Eight pence a Mile, which he expects from you;  
If you want Money he will then Distrain,  
So you must hunt about, for it's in vain  
To think to slur him off, for he will stay  
And not stir from your House till he get pay;  
Your time for th' payment of the King may crave,  
But I says he, my Fee will surely have,  
And when I come again, you may expect  
Each time I'll have my Fee, for your neglect.  
Himself and Horse you kindly entertain,  
And then betimes ' ith'Morning do complain,  
No Money you can get, than he will take  
A Silver Tankard, Cup or Bowl, so make  
Requital, in this base ungrateful way,  
And so take Horse farewel he cannot stay.  
And then your Plate along with him must go,  
He's the King's Messenger, who dare say no?  
The love of Money does most Men bereave  
Of all that's good, no Manners she does leave.  
Conscience nor Honesty where Men do set  
Their minds on nought but Money how to get.   

XXXVI. On Astrologers or Nativity-Casters.  
If you unto Astrologers are free  
Of Money, they'll cast your Nativity  
To be auspicious, fortunate, long Life;  
And if you be a Man, than a rich Wife  
You sure shall have. And if a Woman, she  
Shall wed an Husband of great Quality.  
Nought but Prosperity does you attend,  
Whenas your Stars do no such thing portend.  
Money does make Men in their Judgements err;  
Just as you pay them, so they shall declare.  
If nobly you do pay, good Fortune then;  
If meanly, various, 'tis like other Men.  
They likewise is horary Questions give  
A good or bad Response, as they receive  
More or less Cash from you, out of your Purse,  
So shall their Answers be, better or worse.  
Thus Money leads a Man which way she will,  
Makes him forget his greatest Art and Skill,  
And does a very Changeling of him make;  
To Right or Wrong he'll subscribe for her sake.   

XXXVII. On Common Informers.  
Common Informers oftimes do pretend  
Men guilty are, when they do not offend;  
Tell them they have transgressed and broke the Law,  
And so they keep poor silly Men in awe.  
Extorting Bribes by Fraud and base Deceit,  
For which sometimes a Pillory they get.  
Then otherwhiles, where they do get a Fee,  
They manifest Offences will o'ersee:  
Thus Money right or wrong they'll surely have,  
For she's the dear Solatrix they do crave.  
Money's Memento always in their Ear is,  
Faciam ut mei semper memineris;  
The Thoughts whereof do run so in their mind,  
Their All they set at stake Money to find.  
Their Credit, Place, and Conscience sans control;  
For Money's sake they'll pignorate their Soul.   

XXXVIII. On griping Landlords.  
Some Landlord's minds on Money are so bend,  
They never cease to rack and raise their Rent:  
If they can Money get, they do not matter  
Tho' the poor Tenants sit with Bread and Water.  
To screw and squeeze the Men they ne'er give over,  
Until the Tenants brought to Beggar's Door.  
When they the days of Payment cannot keep,  
The Landlord's gone with all then at a sweep;  
And leaves the poor Man and his Family  
Unto the charge and care o'th' Constablery.  
Some Men ne'er care if Money comes but in,  
For they believe Oppression is no sin.   

XXXIX. On Conservators of Rivers.  
The River's Conservators, who are made  
T'inspect that Fishermen leave off their Trade  
In spawning-time, and when Fish kipper be,  
If Money does appear, they can o'ersee,  
Connive at naughty Fish not fit for use,  
When Money pleads i'th' Fishermen's Excuse.  
She can condone unlawful Nets and Spears,  
Lines, Leister's, Trolls, Pots, Angles, Leaps, and Wears.  
And all illicite Engines in the Water,  
If she but wheedles up the Conservator.  
Her Blandishments the Man cannot withstand,  
If she intrudes herself into his Hand:  
Syrenick Miss, with thy bewitching Wiles,  
Men of their Honesty thou oft beguiles.   

XL. On Usurers.  
If you to borrow Money stand in need,  
If your Security be good, you speed;  
But then the Usurer he doth expect  
Payment of Interest you'll not neglect  
Every six Months, or else be sure he'll call  
Both for the Use and for the Principal:  
And if you're not provided to paid in,  
To threaten you with Law he does begin.  
Then you must treat th' old Miser, Presents make  
To th' Wife, or Son, or Daughter, and them take  
For Friends, that you may keep't to further Day,  
Till you the same are able to repay:  
And thus they're harrasted that Money lack,  
Enough to make their very Hea●● S●●ings crack.  
Money is sure the Root of every Evil,  
And th' love thereof proceedeth from the Devil.   

XLI. On Young ●asses.  
The curious Girl come of good Parentage,  
Of comely Body, Beautiful, right Age,  
Endowed with Nature's prime and chiefest Arts,  
Which one would think could charm Beholder's Hearts;  
Yet▪ if she Money lack, she's only gazed  
And looked upon, and for a Beauty praised:  
But often stays until her Beauty ●ade,  
Before she's courted, and a Wi●e is made.  
And then the Courtship oftimes proves to be  
By those who are below her Quality;  
To whose Embraces she must yield consent,  
Else single Life to lead must be content.  
Whereas the Squint-eyed, Lame, deformed Lass,  
If she has Money, does for Beauty pass;  
Persons of all Degrees do her admire,  
Not for herself, her Money they desire.  
Which if she wanted, no Man would endeavour  
To gain her Love, but she might stay for ever.  
Curse on this Money that does Men ensnare,  
To leave the fine, and take the cour●est Ware.  
She forces Men Deformities to woe,  
All Sizes, Ages, and all Colours too.   

XLII. On Clerks to justices of the Peace.  
Clerks to the Justices of Peace do love  
Money to get; for her sake they will move,  
And vigorously for you will intercede,  
If of your Purse to them you freely bleed:  
And them profusely Fee, you then command  
Their help for you, they Back and Edge will stand.  
At Sessions get Discharge upon your Call,  
So that you need not there appear at all.  
Or any other Service they can do,  
Either at Sessions, or at Home, for you.  
Money's a Friend in Court, or other Place,  
Can any Time procure, she's in such Grace.  
If Money comes, the Clerk's your Friend, never fear it,  
If she's withdrawn, nullus Amicus erit.   

XLIII. On Horse Races and Foot-Courses.  
If you've a mind to keep a running Horse,  
A good Estate it craves, and a good Purse:  
For when you Match, tho' you're assured to have  
The Match, yet if your Rider prove a Knave,  
He'll Money take, perfidiously betray,  
And will for lack of Riding lose the Day;  
Or throw your Horse, or out of Wind him ride,  
Or purposely run on the Stoops wrong side,  
And so the Match and Keeping too are lost,  
Then home you come, and fret to be so crossed.  
In most Foot-Courses too, like Tricks are played,  
When Wagers are put down, Cheats than are made;  
Such vafrous Wiles in Money are we know,  
She makes both Horse and Foot run swift or slow.  
This Idol Money the whole World deludes,  
Both Private Persons, and whole Multitudes.   

XLIV. On Gamesters and Gaming.  
Gamesters will cheat at Cards, and with false Dice,  
The love of Money tempts them into Vice:  
When taken with false play, they'll damn and swear,  
To get their Prize will stab Men without fear.  
The dearest Friends will quarrel to such height,  
When they're at Game, they'll one another ●ight▪  
The sordid Humour, and covetous Desire  
Men have for Mon●y, instimulate this Ire.  
Some she makes merry, and some others sad;  
Some full of Passion, and some raving mad:  
Such strange Effects she works, as she thinks good,  
Her Power's so strong she's not to be withstood.   

XLV. On Seamen and Land Soldiers.  
Give Seamen Money and you may procure  
These Men the greatest Hardships to endure;  
Despise all Dangers, ●ight with might and main,  
Money does make them fearless to be slain.  
'Tis she makes Soldiers ●ight by Sea and Land;  
Pay them but well, and then you may command,  
And greater Numbers have in readiness,  
Than you have need for, without Drum or Press.  
They'll then not hide themselves, run into Holes,  
But briskly throng to you in numerous Shoals.  
The force of Money all things does command,  
Navies at Sea, and Armies too by Land.   

XLVI. On Agents to Regiments.  
Debauched Officers that Money want,  
Repair to th' Agent of the Regiment,  
Who always keeps a Bank for such intent,  
They'd better take it up at ten per Cent;  
For his Exactions are so high, that he  
Brings those make use of him to Poverty.  
When those are thrifty do receive their Pay,  
With the Debauchees Shares he runs away.  
For such of them as Drink, and Game, and Whore,  
They him enrich, themselves make bare and poor,  
Which him delights, his Heart's on Money bend,  
He cares not what becomes o'th' Regiment;  
Whether it's broke, or stands, does sink or swim,  
If he gets Money, it's all one to him.  
Whilst some Men fond lavish all on Whores,  
Money's the only Sh● that he adores.   

XLVII. On Oppressing Mortgagees.  
Some Mortgagee will at Advantage lie,  
Upon the Rigour of's Security  
H● will insist, on Niceties will stand;  
He'll 〈◊〉 her purchase all, nor part o'th' Land  
He ●●●●gag'd; nor will he let you rest,  
But he w●th Threats and Suits will you molest;  
So neither S●ll the Land, nor Let you can,  
To th' best Advantage unto any Man.  
By means whereof he knows that he must seize;  
Further he'll not account than he receives:  
So he'll dispose, and Let at easy rate,  
And so will worm you out of your Estate;  
For he'll his Purposes so bring about,  
You'll never live to see the Mortgage out:  
So by this crafty means he'll you compel  
For present Maintenance, your Land to sell:  
Then his own Terms he'll make, for him or's Friend.  
Having now gained the Point he did intend,  
If he be told his Doings are unjust;  
To look for's own, he says, he will and must.  
The Law allows what he has done, he'll say;  
But Summum Ius est Summa Injuria.  
And tho' the thing now troubles not his mind,  
Yet afterwards he'll wish he'd been more kind.  
When he on's Deathbed lies, he'll sigh and groan,  
No Mercy can expect that none has shown:  
His Conscience then t'accuse him will begin,  
Tell him Oppression is a crying Sin.  
And then he'll cry, would he'ad more Favour shown,  
And wish that he the Land had never known.  
The Gains he'as got by the poor Debtor's Cross,  
He finds will now be his Eternal Loss.  
Money nor Lands no Comfort now do bring;  
A Conscience good is the sole Sovereign thing.  
He now with heavy Groans reputes the Evil,  
When he's afraid he's going to the Devil.  
Who at his Death will Mercy beg and crave,  
Must in his Life time Mercy show and have.  
But Money is so prevalent with some,  
They never think what's afterwards to come.   

XLVIII. On Chief Constables.  
Quarterly Moneys on Constableries charged,  
By Master chief sometimes the same's enlarged:  
Sixpence, a Groat, or Threepences in a Town,  
Above the Sums the Sessions do set down;  
Which Overplus he puts into his Purse,  
Tho' 'tis a Cheat, he likes himself no worse:  
And tho' he knows if it discovered be,  
He shall be punished for such Knavery,  
Turned out of Place, indicted too, and find,  
Yet love of Money runs so in his mind,  
He'll hazard both his Credit and good Name,  
Exterminate all fear of worldly shame:  
Such Power's in Money, and such Feats she works,  
That Christians, Heathens, the Jews and Turks,  
And all Persuasions, she charms to betray  
Credit and Conscience too, her to obey.   

XLIX. On Players.  
So much of precious Time is spent by Players  
That they can scarce get time to say their Prayers.  
The Archimimick sets each one his Part,  
Which they with care and pains must get by Heart▪  
The grave and serious Parts suits some the best;  
Like Prince or Politician some are dressed;  
Soldiers, Tradesmen, Valet de Chambre, Beau,  
Like Countrymen, or wheedling Pimps some show▪  
Ruffians, and merry Drolls, or Lovers keen,  
Or in some other shape the Men are seen.  
Women great Queens or Ladies some must be;  
Some virtuous Wives, Lovers or Jilts you see.  
Others mad Jealous Fools, some Bawds, some Whores,  
With acquaint Discourse they spend their time, and yours.  
Music, and Dancing, and Singing you may hear '  
Objects to please the Eye, tickle the Ear.  
Variety of Actions here you have,  
To please the Frolic Humour, and the Grave.  
Rich Clothes and Fashions alamode are there,  
And change of Scenes with curious Paint appears.  
No Artifice is wanting which they think  
Will tempt their Auditors to part with Chink.  
Money's the tempting thing that brings them there,  
If Money fails, no Player will appear.  
Money's the lovely Miss that they adore,  
Tho some perhaps come there to meet a Whore.   

L. On Old Men and old Women.  
Money will make a fresh young buxom Lass  
Let an old crazy Dotard her embrace;  
She'll think him brisk, and fresh as Rose in june:  
If wanted Wealth, she'd sing another Tune.  
And he which now enjoys her Maidenhead,  
She would disdain, and fly his hated Bed:  
But she her brisk Amours does soon forsake,  
And her old Man she does a Cuckold make:  
And that's the Fortune of old silly Fools,  
That match themselves to such young Airy Tools.  
The withered old Woman, if she have store  
Of Cash, the young Gallant will her adore,  
And swears she's lovely, he dies if he miss her;  
Whereas if poor, she'd make him spew to kiss her.  
Th' old Creature does believe, is at's Command,  
Plights him her Troth, and gives to him her Hand,  
Consents to Marriage. He visits her each Day,  
And she like a young Girl does toy and play.  
At length the Day does come that they are wed,  
And he against his Stomach goes to Bed.  
He kisses her, and ●ore against his Will,  
Her old lascivious Humour does fulfil.  
Thus for a while he'll please, and slights her not,  
Till he her Money, Gold, and Bonds has got;  
And then he weary grows, and cannot kiss,  
Loathes her Embraces, and must keep a Miss  
Under her Nose, for th' pleasure of his Life,  
With whom he'll kiss in spite of his old Wife.  
Th' old Woman storms that she's so much neglected,  
And the gay fluttering Miss is so respected.  
She sighs and sobs that she alone must lie,  
And her brisk Youth abhors her Company,  
And nought delights him now but his young Miss;  
But such the Fruits of such a Marriage is:  
For Youth and Age are very seldom found  
In their Embraces constant firm and sound.  
The one reputes the Folly they've run in,  
While the other wallows in their Lust and Sin.  
Equality in Age and in Degree,  
And Fortunes too, makes the best Sympathy.   

LI. On the Necessit●t●s Person and the Miser.  
Money, if we do but consider't well,  
We find produceth good Effects and ill.  
Necessitated Persons she relieve●,  
And out of Misery she them retrieves;  
She consolates them when their Hearts are down,  
And them does animate against Fortune's Frown.  
But to the Miser she's another thing,  
Great Infelicity to him does bring▪  
The more he gets, the greater is his Curse,  
For he thereby becomes still worse and worse;  
The more he has, he still does covet more,  
H●●l not desist till Death knocks at his Door.  
Then all his hoarded Treasures he would give,  
To bribe and put off Death, that he might live.  
But now he sees the folly of his Gains,  
They cannot Li●e prolong, nor ease his Pains.  
Money no Comfort now affords the Man,  
When he begins to look pale, fain●, and wan,  
And sick to Death, O then he does express  
Great Grief and Sorrow for his Wickedness:  
And if he were but to survive, he would  
Abhor the eager griping after Gold.  
But Death's inexorable, gives no Days,  
No Plead he admits of for Delays.  
But when he comes poor Mortals to arrest,  
They Nature's Debt must pay without contest.   

LII. On Friendship and Acquaintance.  
If your Acquaintance, which you once have known,  
Was rich, and's now grown poor, you'll scarce him own;  
Especially i● you foresee and know  
He comes an humble Mendicant to you,  
You'll not remember then that you before  
Have seen him. Walk, Sir, trouble me no more.  
Pox on this Money that she should thu make  
A Man his old Acquaintance to forsake.   

LIII. On Y●ung Wives and Girls.  
Many young Wife and Girl, through long pursuit,  
With Money tempted is to prostitute  
Her curious Body, and pawn her Honour  
Unto some young Gallant that's brisk upon her.  
Her blooming Youth, and Rosy Colours slain,  
With base Adulterous Practices for Gain.  
Thus, thus this Idol Money does entice  
Many fine Creature to submit to Vice;  
And great Debauchery without control,  
To th' Body's Ruin, and immortal Soul.   

LIV. On Quarrels and Differences.  
Great is the potency in Money's had,  
The force thereof produceth good and bad:  
This wicked Miss does make dear Friends fall out;  
Great Foes to be great Friends, she brings about.  
Money can make Men one another sue,  
And act such things as afterwards they rue.  
Nay Money makes them one another fight,  
And murder out of hand sometimes in spite.  
She Quarrels breeds, and also Reconciles;  
Which way she will, she leads Men with her Wiles.  
Nor Wit, nor Force is able to withstand,  
Her Charms are such she all Men does command.   

LV. On Churchwardens, Surveyors, etc.  
Churchwardens and Surveyors of Highways,  
Sesso●s, and Poor's O'er-seers now a-days,  
And other Officers, although they swear  
Their Office truly to perform, they fear  
No Oath, nor do they stand at all in awe  
Of Che●ks of Conscience, or of the Law;  
If they can either Money get or save,  
Each of these Officers will be a Knave:  
Getting or saving is such a tempting thing,  
She'll private Persons cheat as well as th' King.  
All Men the Goddess Money court and woe;  
To compass her they care not what they do.   

LVI. On Schoolmasters.  
The Pedagogue who rules as petty King  
O'er his young Subjects, unto those who bring  
In their Relief, and make him punctual Pay,  
Observing constantly their Quarter▪ day,  
O'er such his Rule is gentle, mild, and free,  
But o'er the rest 'tis perfect Tyranny.  
Money does make him kind and pitiful  
To Lads who are incipient and dull;  
He'll put them right when they are at a loss.  
To Boys slack in their Pay he is more cross:  
If they have not ad unguem every Word,  
Then he to them no Favour will afford,  
But up they go forthwith at his Command,  
And feel the smart of his correcting Hand.  
Dunces with Money Friendship can obtain,  
When Wit without her Friendless does remain.   

LVII. On Doctors of Physic.  
When one is sick, if Money do appear,  
She can prevail to have the Doctor there;  
And if she freely do attend the Man,  
Then he'll prescribe the safest Rules he can,  
And his Opinion tell of the Disease,  
And will prescribe such things as shall give ease.  
Each time he comes, if he receives a Fee,  
Then frequently you shall the Doctor see;  
And so long time as he does Money find,  
Comfort he gives to your disconsolate mind;  
Tells you he hopes the Danger is quite over,  
When he's assured that you cannot recover.  
There's hopes of Life as long as he gets Chink;  
But when that fails, he knows not what to think.  
He than looks slightly, and begins to lay,  
All hopes are past, you spend so fast away.  
He tells the sick Man's Friends he cannot live,  
He speaks the truth when they've no more to give.  
And if the Poor be sick, he's then in haste,  
Or very busy, has no time to waste.  
Money must come herself, or else you must  
Want his Advice, for Doctors will not trust.  
If he be sure that he shall get no Pay,  
The Doctor's Tongue-tied, and has nought to say.  
And so the Poor alone on God depend,  
Whilst th'Rich their Money on the Doctors spend:  
Which tho' the masters all things that have Breath,  
She cannot lengthen Life, nor master Death.   

LVIII. On Petty Constables.  
The Constable, that ancient● Officer,  
The Idol Money sometimes does prefer  
Before his Conscience, and for her sake,  
Th' Offenders he can neither see nor take,  
But makes Return, that he cannot them find,  
Let's them escape; Money has made him blind.  
Tho he be sworn truly to execute  
H●s Office, th' Cause is clear, needs no dispute:  
To be accused of knavery the Man is loath,  
Yet Money he prefers before his Oath,  
And rather than this charming Miss he lack,  
Credit and Conscience too must go to wrack.   

LIX. On Fencing Masters.  
The Master of Defence for Money will  
Appear upon a Stage to show his Skill,  
And Art in Fencing, there before Men's Eyes,  
And publicly will fight to get a Prize;  
Himself adventure to be cut and slashed,  
And sometimes maimed perchance, or sound gashed.  
By his Antagonist; sometimes in rage,  
Disgracefully in scorn thrown off the Stage.  
So sprightly vigorous is Money's Charm,  
He will adventure both Disgrace and Harm:  
Nay Men about Miss Money make such stir,  
That they will resolutely die for her.   

LX. On Dancing Master's.  
The Dancing master will his ●oopees show;  
He steps and winds, if he of Money know:  
He'll skip about, and nimbly dance and play,  
When Entering penny's come, or Quarter day:  
Money does make his Heart and Feet so light,  
That he can cut his C●pers bolt upright.  
But when he Money wants, 〈◊〉 sadly dull;  
If not his Belly, yet his Heart is full.  
He's out of Order much, 〈◊〉 to swound,  
He scarce can allocate his Feet o●f Ground.  
Such Virtue is in Money that she can  
Put Life and Spirit into any Man,  
When she appears to them; but when she's gone,  
Their Hearts are dull and torpid as a Stone.   

LXI. On Mountebanks.  
The Mountebank he tra●e●seth much Ground,  
To find the place where Money does abound;  
There up he sets his Stage, where every Day  
He shows himself, Andrew the Fool i'th' Play  
For Money does appear, who for a Wit,  
Does come behind his Master ne'er a whit:  
Thus Money can produce any Disguise,  
Can make a Wise Man Fool, and Fool seem Wise.  
Then when from every quarter of the Town,  
People are crowded in to see the Clown,  
And gazed at him some time, and laughed awhile,  
The Master then, with graceful Cringe and Smile,  
Begins aloud to set forth and proclaim  
His own admired Merits, and his Fame,  
And tells what mighty Cures both far and near,  
He hath performed in each Place here and there.  
You may, says he, inquire the Certainty;  
But you'd as good believe as go and see.  
After his long Harangue, he's then willing,  
To give you a small Packet for a Shilling,  
Containing many Medicines, whose worth,  
The little printed Paper does set forth.  
But when you come to try the things indeed,  
You'll find they're all but Cheats in time of need.  
If you do wait with Money in your Hand,  
O then you may be certain to command  
His best Advice in whatsoe'er you will,  
And know the very bottom of his Skill.  
A Wen, Hair-lip, or Cancer too he may  
A Cure perhaps perform, and take away;  
Which any one can do as well as he,  
That is but skilful in Chirurgery.  
If you are Blind, or Deaf and cannot hear,  
He'll bid you trust in him, and do not fear,  
For he will cure, and can recover both:  
But in such Case to trust I should be loath;  
For we can seldom hear, or ever find,  
That they the Deaf make hear, or cure the Blind.  
Money's the tempting Bait at which they by't,  
Care not if you ne'er hear, nor get your sight.  
The only thing's your Cash they hanker after;  
If you ne'er mend, they'll turned but to a laughter.   

LXII. On Trades, Mysteries and Professions in general.  
Rich Merchants, Mercers, Grocers, Drapers too,  
Fishmongers, Goldsmith's, and the Skinner's Crew;  
Merchant Tailors, and Haberdasher's fine,  
Salters, woodmongers, Vintners for Wine;  
Clothworkers, Dyers, Brewers of small and strong,  
Leather sellers and Pewterers than throng;  
Barber-Surgeons, Armourers, White-Bakers,  
With Wax and Tallow-chandlers', their partakers.  
Cutlers, Girdlers, Butchers, and Saddler's neat,  
Carpenters, Cordwainers, Painters complete;  
Curriers, Masons, Plumbers, Jolly Men;  
Inholders, Founders, Embroiderers: Then  
Poulterers, Cooks, and Cooper's claim next room.  
Then Brick-layers, Bowyers, and Fletcher's come;  
Blacksmiths and Joiner's, with Plasterers right,  
Weavers and Fruiterers, Scrivener's next in sight.  
Bottle makers, Horners, and Stationers;  
Then Marblers, Wooll●Packers, and Farriers,  
Paviours, Lorimers, Baker's of Brown,  
Woodmongers, Upholsters▪ Turner's then own  
Next place; then Clerks and Watermen,  
Apothecaries; and the Glover's then;  
Distillers, Clock-makers, and Silkthrowers pass,  
Makers of Soap, and Felts, Sellers of Glass.  
Then Workers in Tin-Plate, Makers of Combs,  
Basket and Needle-makers after comes:  
Makers of Pins, of Hatbands, and of Pipes,  
Fishermen, with Victuallers and Shipwrights;  
Cheesemongers, Jewellers, Hop-Merchants, Salesmen,  
Cole Merchants, Trunk-makers, and Retail-men.  
Cane-sellers, Piece-men, Spu●●iers, White-Tawers,  
Cole-meeters, Button-men, and Cloth-drawers.  
Oil men, Perfumers, Sutler's, Refiners,  
Staplers, Confectioners, Looking-glass-grinders;  
Dial-makers, Bridlers, Coffee-men, Sm●●k●●s,  
Brass-casters, Collar-makers, and Brok●●s▪  
Makers of Whips, of Paper, and of all  
Sorts of Instruments Mathematical.  
Gold-bearers, Calendar-men, 〈◊〉 tak●ns,  
Flax-dressers, Silversmiths, Feather-makers.  
Makers of Instruments of every kind  
That Music make, either with Strings or Wind.  
Silk-Weavers, Copper-smiths, Tent-makers, nailers,  
Makers of Anchors and Cables for Saylors;  
With Ropes, and S●il-Clothes, and Pulleys ●itting,  
Flags, Streamers, Hammocks, all things for Shipping,  
Sellers of Periwigs for every Age,  
Ma●e a-la-mode for Beaus, and for the Sage;  
〈…〉 Semstresses, that make up Linen,  
〈◊〉 the we●ring of Men and Women.  
Those that in Gloves and Ribbons drive a Trade,  
And Venders of Woman's Heads that's ready made▪  
Makers of Wyre-Grates, and sine Bird-Cages,  
And Spectacle makers for all Ages.  
Corn-chandlers', Mealmen, Binder's of Books,  
Makers of Cards and Dice, and Fishing hooks;  
Sellers of Potters-Ware, Baskets and Toys;  
Makers of Button-moulds for Men and Boys.  
Chandler's, Sellers of Signs, Pictures, and Maps,  
Of Looking-glasses, Morning-Gowns, and Caps.  
Vende●s of Thread and Tape, all sorts of Lace,  
Sweet-Powders, Essence-Waters for Hands and Face:  
B●●sh makers, Seeds men, sellers of Fringes,  
Of ●ine Spring, Locks, Keys, Bolts, Screws, and Hinge●.  
Makers of Harness, and all sorts of Bits;  
Sellers of Fire-grates, Tongues, Pans, Racks and Spits;  
Framers of Ironwork both neat and rare,  
Carvers in Wood, Artists beyond compare.  
Makers of Woman's Pattens, and their Clogs;  
Fine Buttons, gilded Buckles, Collars for Dogs.  
Of Razors, Lancets, and choicest Scissors,  
With Surgeon's Instruments and Twissers;  
Sellers of Bells and Lewers, with fine Ha●k-Hoods,  
S●arfes, Haircloth, and Nets, with such like Goods,  
Perspectives, Tellescopes, Glasses for sig●●s▪  
Great and small Bu●ning Glasses, and Lamp lights;  
Makers of Frames for Signs, and Barber's Poles,  
Cork-cutters, Tanners, Printers, sellers of Coals:  
Truckers for any Goods by Sea or Land,  
Sellers of household-goods at second hand;  
Scowrers of Clothes, with Borchers when they fail,  
Translators sitting up old Shoes for sale;  
And cunning Dressers of old Hats for view,  
Who by their Art can make them look like new.  
Makers of Chains, Coach and Ca●●shes too,  
Guilders and Varnishers of them for show:  
Makers of Coffins, Dresses for the Dead;  
Rare Statue makers both of Stone and Lead.  
Those that in Leather-cases drive a Trade,  
All sorts of Sheaths, Black Boxes ready made  
For Deeds and Writings, which concern men's Lands;  
Boxes for Ru●●le●, Periwigs, and Bands.  
The makers of all sorts of Lasts and ●●eels,  
Blocks, Winders for Yarn, and spinning Wheels;  
Clothworkers, Ca●ders, Spinners, and Pressers,  
Tuckers and Fuller's, Weaver's and Cloth dressers;  
With Turner's and Winders, Shearmen, Teasers,  
Weighe●s and Mixers, Sep●●●ters, Pressers:  
Makers of Coverlets, Rugs, and Ticking,  
Manch●ster-Tape, and what the Men are quick in;  
Shinglers and Mill-wrights, Cappers and Knitters,  
Wheel-wrights and Higlers, Jobbers and Fitters:  
These Traders all in the pursuit of Gains,  
Ea●y and late do seek with Care and Pains,  
Some Money by their Trades to get or save;  
Money's the only Miss for which they rave.  
Houses cannot be kept, nor Rents well paid  
Unless good store of Money's got by Trade:  
'Tis she brings Comfort to the Tradesman's mind,  
For than he cares not which way blows the Wind.  
Money procures them all things that they lack,  
And where she's wanting all things go to wrack.   

LXIII. On Merchants.  
Merchants no venture at the Sea would make,  
Were't not for hopes of Gains, and Money's sake;  
For if they thought that Money would not come,  
Then they would keep their Goods and Ships at home:  
'Tis Money makes them fearless of all Loss,  
Tho sometimes they return with weeping Cross;  
Not scared with Losses, they still hope to find  
Fortune will prove auspicious and more kind;  
So they'll adventure still, and not give o'er  
Their fresh pursuit to gain this gilded Ore,  
Till some of them adventure all they have,  
And so are brought mere Bankrupts to their Grave;  
Whilst others do arrive to great Estate;  
So variable is all Human Fate.  
This Lady when cajoled sometimes will fly,  
And of herself at other times draw nigh.  
Tho' she's a Witch, as some have understood,  
And doth a Man ofttimes more harm than good;  
Yet so delightful all her Charm are,  
That Poor and Rich in her desire a share;  
So that in all things, whether great or small,  
It is apparent Money Masters all.   

LXIV. On Mercers and Drapers.  
If you to th' Mercer or a Draper go,  
With Cash in hand, good pennyworths he'll show  
Of Cloth, Stuff, Silks, and Gold and Silver Lace,  
Buttons, and other things for Use and Grace:  
And if your tailor's Counsel here you have,  
I'm sure by that you'll neither gain nor save.  
If all at large be not cut off, he'll fret,  
For then, poor Man, he does less Cabbage get.  
When without Cash unto these Men you go,  
And they your Reputation well do know,  
They'll show Respect, and tell you in a Word,  
That as cheap Pennyworths they will afford  
As if you ready Money brought; but when  
Your Name is entered in their Books, O then  
The fair-tongued Tradesman will so highly nick,  
That you pay Ten per Centum for your Tick:  
So if in two Years time your Score is paid,  
He's a sufficient Gainer by his Trade.   

LXV. On Grocers.  
Although the Grocer does not raise his Price,  
Yet he'll put off his faulty rotten Spice  
Where you do Tick; if ready Money comes,  
Than you have Raisins plump and round as Plums,  
And if you take a Parcel, he'll afford,  
The choicest Spice he has, upon his Word;  
And he will pick and cull them out so clean,  
That not a Stone or Stalk amongst them is seen.  
But if you Tick, you must take what they'll give,  
And have your choice, either to take or leave.  
For you cannot expect you may command  
Such Ware as those with Money in their Hand.  
Money can view their Barrels, Frails, and Tubs,  
And have the choicest of their Wares and Goods.  
But when she's wanting, and you buy on Trust,  
Then any Trash into your hands they'll thrust.  
Money prevails with Tradesmen, gets Respect,  
When Friendship and Acquaintance finds neglect.   

LXVI. On Goldsmiths.  
The Goldsmith when he shows and sells his Plate,  
Cannot with ease impose or put a Cheat  
On you, because it's to be understood  
'Tis by the Standard tried, and marked for good.  
But when you come amongst his Rings to gaze,  
Diamonds and Rubies, Emeralds, Topaz,  
Carbuncles, Hyacinths, and many more,  
Which he can show amongst his Radiant Store;  
Pendants, Pearl Necklaces, and Jewels too,  
All which do make a splendid glorious show;  
To value these the Buyer wanteth skill,  
So Goldsmith sets the Price down as he will:  
If Money in his Heart bears rule, than he  
Will prise then at a very high degree.  
Or if he's pleased to take a moderate Gain,  
As he will tell you, yet 'tis very plain,  
Let th' Price which you do pay be what it will,  
If afterwards you're forced to pawn or sell,  
They'll say they gotten Water, and are soiled,  
So that the sparkling Lustre of 'em's spoiled;  
When as in truth they're not a Penny worse  
Than when you bought 'em first. But, O the curse  
Of Money, whose Delusions have the power▪  
To make her Lovers right or wrong pursue her.  
The things for which you Twenty Pounds have given,  
Perhaps they'll have the Face to bid you Seven;  
Their Conscience says, where Money does come in,  
To swear, dissemble, lie, and cheats no sin.   

LXVII. On Tailors.  
If you to take up Goods your Tailor trust,  
Then near the half of every thing he must  
Take for himself, as he does take for you;  
Thus to augment your Score, he helps to screw:  
And tho' the Devil at his Elbow sit,  
He'll venture still to cheat and steal a bit  
Of Gold or Silver Fringe, Buttons or Lace,  
Rich Silks, fine Cloth, and counts it no disgrace:  
Money he knows by such Tricks will come in,  
Conscience is cauterised, perceives no sin.  
So when the Tailor does bring home your Clothes,  
If you ne'er pay his Bill, he cannot lose.   

LXVIII. On Haberdasher's.  
The smooth tongued Haberdasher smiles and prates,  
Makes you believe he sells at th' lowest Rates,  
And says he will not set a Doit down more  
Than if you paid in hand, run not o'th' Score  
For beaver's, Casters, Felts, Linings and Bands,  
And says he puts choice Ware into your Hands:  
Your Payment's good and sure I know and own,  
So none but right choice Ware, Sir, I have shown:  
So fine and cheap a Hat, Sir, then he'll cry,  
In all the Town I'm sure you c●nn●t buy.  
But all's mere Banter, Tradesmen cannot live,  
Without Exacting, where they credit give  
So if you choice and cheap Ware would command,  
Then go with Lady M●ney in your Hand.   

LXIX On Vintners.  
The Vintner if you are a constant Guest,  
And nobly spend, you need not thei●●●quest  
The choicest Wine, for he will on his Word,  
Bring the best his C●llar doth afford,  
And sit down by you, not go out of sight,  
Nor leave your Company by Day nor Night,  
So long as you will sit and drink good Wine,  
Tho' it be ne'er so late, he'll not repine▪  
Money comes finely in, and that's the thing  
Rubs off all careful Thoughts, and makes Men sing.  
When you're defatigate, can drink no more,  
Your Gust and Appetite for to restore,  
Luke Olives with Anchovies are brought in,  
Which when you taste, afresh you do begin:  
Place three or four Bottles more in sight,  
And them you sipple off, so bid Good Night.  
But when the Miser does come in and call  
For Gill or Pint of the best Wine, You shall,  
The Drawer cries, have that that's very fine,  
Canary, Rhenish, White, or Claret Wine.  
Let me a Gill of your best Sack than have;  
You shall, you shall, he cries; and then the Knave  
Good and bad Wine does mix, than up does pass,  
And pours some neatly out into the Glass.  
How nitty and how rasyed looks, cries he,  
This is good Wine, Sir, if you'll credit me.  
The Miser tastes, and smacks it in his Mouth;  
I fear you've cheated me, you cunning Youth.  
Upon my Word, Sir, 'tis the very best;  
None such I'd draw, were't not at your request.  
Pray taste it then: He sups, and squirts it out;  
Why Sir, what ails this Wine? you'll not find out  
A better Glass i'th' Town, this I dare say.  
The Miser drinks it off, so goes away,  
But does suspect there's better Wine i'th' House,  
But not for th' Custom that's not worth a Louse.  
Those that do freely spend, the best Wine may  
Command, when th' sparing Niggard's are said nay.  
They're the best Company that freely drink,  
And fill the Vintner's Purse with shining Chink.  
Your Money he admires and loves 'bove you;  
For when that fails, no Kindness then he'll show.   

LXX▪ On Dyers.  
Dyers not pleased with honest lawful Gain,  
Will you possess your Stuffs are died in Grain;  
And that your Blacks are first made perfect Blue,  
And such a Spot they for that purpose show:  
Affirm their Colours all are perfect Dye;  
But when you come t'experience them, and try,  
You'll find them quickly turn, begin to ●ade,  
Because the Liquor was not truly made,  
With right good Drugs, but any Trash put in  
That is but cheap; a Cheat they thinks no sin,  
But point of Wit, if Money's thereby got;  
Money's the only thing for which they plot.  
Conscience they'll stretch beyond both Shame and Fear;  
Money to them more precious is and dear;  
Find out an honest Man, and him then try,  
He that lives well can never badly Die.   

LXXI. On Brewers.  
The common Brewer, where he gets good Pay,  
Best Liquor unto such he sends away;  
But those that drive him long, and take no care  
To pay, he any Swillings sends in there;  
For such as answer not his Call with Chink,  
They neither get right Measure, nor good Drink.   

LXXII. On Pewterers and Braziers.  
The Pewterers and Braziers seldom give  
Credit, but with Respect they'll you receive  
Into their Shops, will show what Wares you will;  
London Pewter, or double Metal sell,  
At as low Rates as possibly they can,  
For Money must be had, that makes the Man.  
Where Money's wanting, each one will despise,  
Tho' you're Discreet, Ingenious, and Wise.  
Money procures Respect in every place,  
Tho' your Descent be ne'er so mean and base.   

LXXIII. On Barbers.  
Your cringing Barber powder will and comb  
Your new Bob-Wig, then to you bring it home,  
And puts it on your Head, the Curls does set,  
It suits you well, says he, does finely fit.  
'Tis cheap, Sir, of two Guinea's as e'er I made  
Since first I learned and understood the Trade.  
And yet for thirty Shillings paid in hand  
In ready Cash, this Wig you may command.  
Then Sir, your fine long Wig he'll surely fix,  
And place down in his Book at Guinea's six;  
When you for five Pounds may, paid down on sight,  
The self same Wig, or else a better might  
Have put into your hands, finely set out,  
With many Thanks, and Congees too to boot▪  
O ready Money, thou'rt the only Miss,  
For most Men seek thee as their only Bliss.   

LXXIV. On Surgeons.  
The Surgeon where he know he'll Money find,  
He often Visits there, proves very kind;  
Your Wounds with such great safety he will dress,  
That he all Fev'rish Symptoms will repress:  
And if your Wounds do chance to be inflamed,  
Or with some Obtuse Weapon you are maimed  
And bruised sore, he then will breathe a Vein,  
Remove black, yellow S●ots, and ease your Pain:  
But then for Money's sake he will retard,  
Keep back the Cure that you will think it marred.  
Then he will laugh, and tell you that he could  
Have cured you sooner if so be he would;  
But than he tells you, he must search the Wound  
To th' very bottom, if you would be ●ound,  
And firm indeed, and have no After-Sore,  
And so become worse than you were before.  
These Men for Money too can also cure  
The Flux, Pox, Astmah's, and the Calenture,  
Coughs, Rheumatisms, Costiveness and Pain  
In the small Guts, or Giddiness i'th' Brain.  
They many Cures can do for Money's sake,  
Which if 'twere wanting, they'd not undertake.  
For when the Poor under their hands do lie,  
Friend we can cure you, presently they'll cry.  
But you must look about, and Money bring,  
To pay for and discharge this and that thing;  
So as the poor Man does for them provide,  
Good or bad News to him it does betid;  
For to say truth, ofttimes for want of Cost,  
Many poor Man's undone, and merely lost;  
For where there Money lacks, it's very sure,  
There will be no Attendance, Care, nor Cure.   

LXXV. On Sword Cutlers.  
The flattering Cutler, when you want a Sword,  
And he your Credit knows, and takes your Word,  
He'll tell you then, you shall have th' choicest Ware,  
Pay or pay not, all's one, he does not care:  
Trust to my Honesty, good Sir, he'll say,  
And then he certainly does make a Prey  
On you, and sets the Price so high and great,  
That his pretended Friendship proves a Cheat;  
And you'll find then, if Money you'd paid down,  
In every Pound you might have saved a Crown,  
Although a Tradesman is your Friend he'll say,  
Yet there no Friendship is like ready Pay.   

LXXVI. On Butchers.  
Butcher's oft times their Flesh puff up and blow,  
That it may plumper and more viewly show,  
By means whereof the Buyers they do cheat,  
And with their stinking Breath corrupt the Meat.  
Then when they've Lamb and Veal that's lean and silly,  
Kidneys they'll stuff and scure up; then tell ye,  
The Meat is fresh and good, plump, fat, and fair;  
But when you tri't, you'll find it nauseous Ware;  
They meazled Pork, and Flesh dead by mischance,  
Or of some bad Disease, will dare t' advance,  
And lay upon their Stalls, and sell't for good,  
Which they know well is base unwholesome Food,  
And they may punished be for selling such;  
But if they Money get they care not much:  
Tho' they that use't into Diseases fall,  
They matter not, Money's their All in All.  
And if you to their Shop do send for Meat,  
To have it flesh▪ you'd find they'll put a Cheat  
On you, although they'll promise fair, and say,  
You shall no more than other Buyers pay;  
Yet Threepences or a Groat a Joint they'll have  
More than the Market-price; which you might save,  
If you to th' Market sent, and wrangled there:  
But you perhaps a Servant cannot spare.  
Thus every Trade for greediness of Gain,  
Will Cheat and Lie, 'tis evident and plain.  
O Madam Money, what stir for you is made,  
Your Company's desired by every Trade.   

LXXVII. On Sadlers.  
The Saddler a fine Saddle with good Bolsters,  
Embroidered House, good Stirrups, and rich Holsters,  
Brings to your Lodgings, tells you that it's rich,  
Has cost him many Hours and careful Stitch.  
I've laid out all my moneys, da●e you t●ust,  
Say you; Yes Sir, says he, I wi●h you durst  
Take so much Ware as I dare credit you;  
You should have all i'th' Shop both old and new.  
Well, what's the Price say you, that I must give,  
Sir just Five Pounds, whether you take or leave.  
O what this want of Money is with Men,  
Money in hand would fetch't at Three Pound Ten.   

LXXVIII. On Carpenters.  
The cunning Carpenters a Prey will make  
Of you when they a piece of Work do take:  
If you in Timber Measure have no skill,  
Then they strange Stories unto you will tell,  
Make you believe more Timber they must have  
By far, than such a piece of Work does crave.  
If they perceive you've Knowledge in the thing,  
Then their contrived Design about to bring,  
They tell you Nails and Pins are in the Task,  
So they cannot abate of what they ask:  
If you're not willing such a Sum to pay,  
They tell you then they'll work with you by th'day.  
If you agree but either way, O then  
They think themselves for that time happy Men:  
For many idle Day-works than you'll have;  
Whether by Day or Task you'll nothing save,  
For they're resolved good Wages to bring in,  
And tho' unjustly got, they'll think't no sin.  
Money's the Siren charms their Ears and Hearts,  
Her to obtain they'll practise all their Arts.   

LXXIX. On Shoe makers.  
Where th' Shooe-maker's assured there's ready Pay,  
He'll make choice Ware for such, observe their Day;  
And for his Stuff, together with his Pains,  
For ready Cash he's pleased with moderate Gains;  
But where he knows your Pays of longer date,  
Then patiently you must his leisure wait:  
Then rotten Neat, or Calf and Neat together,  
With inner Soles put in of base Horse Leather;  
And such deceitful Stuff to you he'll bring,  
Yet have the Face to brazen out the thing;  
The Ware is firm and good upon his Word;  
Tells you none such to others he'll afford;  
All which is true, for they must better have,  
You grope not out the meaning of the Knave;  
And then a Price he sets (for 'tis his Trade)  
Higher than on the choicest Ware is made.  
Thus they that Money lack, have th'hardest Fate,  
They're cheated first, then pay excessive Rate.   

LXXX On Arms Painters.  
If to th' Arms Painter you do tell your Name,  
He'll quickly find a Coat out for the same,  
And he will tell you, for a good round Fee,  
That it belongs unto your Family;  
Whenas perchance, if you fall into strife,  
You have as good a Right to th' Herald's Wife:  
Yet he for Money will such Kindness show,  
He'll give you Coat, and Crest, and Mantling too,  
And them in Colours neatly will display,  
Delivered then to you to take away;  
Which you may own, and thereby cut a Seal,  
And chalengeed for your Coat; he'll not reveal;  
Your Money stops his Mouth, he'd silent be,  
Although he knows 'tis Cheat and Fallacy.  
He that has Money may take another's Right,  
Retain, and use it in the Owner's sight.  
Money can make Wrong Right, or Right be Wrong;  
She makes a Man to speak, or hold his Tongue;  
She's the enchanting Pharmaceutria,  
Whose Incantations leads Men any way.   

LXXXI. On Innkeepers.  
If to an Inn you come● and freely call,  
O then the Master's Company you shall  
Immediately obtain, nought can withstand,  
But he is solely, Sir, at your command.  
The Ostler is called in to take a Glass;  
The Master chargeth him before he pass,  
To take care of your Horse, and rub him clean,  
That not a bit of Dirt be felt or seen;  
Set him in the close Stall, and fill his Rack,  
And let him eat, says he, till's Belly crack;  
Then feed and water him in time, if you  
Expect the Gentleman shall Kindness show▪  
Then you and th' Host do sit, and bowze about,  
And try which of you two does prove more stout;  
And when the one of you does drowsy grow,  
It's then high time for you to call and know  
Your quiet Dormitory, and the Bed  
Where you must then decumb your drowsy Head▪  
I'th' Morning you rejoice to meet again,  
And fall afresh into a merry Vein.  
And when you're for your Journey, then comes in,  
The Landlord's dram o'th' Bottle, he'll begin  
Your Health, wish you a happy Journey home;  
Seldom such Guests unto his House do come,  
That Money freely spend, and fill his Purse;  
F●● when the Niggard comes, that is a Curse:  
He for a single Pot will call, and sit  
And spend an Hour at least in drinking it;  
Then out he walks, to see his Horse i'th' Stable,  
And then comes in, and bids 'em spread the Table,  
For he'll to Bed, he feels he's somewhat sick,  
S● let him have his Supper very quick:  
Such Guests the Host had rather be without;  
And when they're gone, he does deride and s●out:  
So Money's certainly the only thing  
That Men to Favour and Respect does bring;  
For he that wants 't, is counted but a Slave,  
And the poor Man that cannot pay, a Knave.   

LXXXII. On Wine-coopers'.  
If the Wine●Merchant's Cooper chance to light  
Upon a Piece of Wine that's good and right,  
Then that's secured for him that pays the best,  
And thither is sent in without Request,  
That all the Town throughout he may outbrave,  
That such a Piece of Wine none of 'em have.  
Those that have Money get every thing that's right,  
And those that want are put off with a slight.   

LXXXIII. On Linen-Weavers.  
The Linen Weaver th' good Wife's Yarn does take,  
And they conclude how many Yards 'twill make;  
Then she conceives there's Warp enough and Woof,  
But she's deceived when as it comes to th' Proof.  
The cheating Knave some of the Clues does throw  
Into his Hell-hole: and then lets her know  
That he her Web cannot work out o'th' Loom  
For lack of Yarn, so she must send or come  
With more herself, this News makes her admire  
That he should send more Yarn for to require:  
He says the Yarn does tender prove, and naught,  
Else there had been no need more to have brought,  
When as in truth the goo● Wife he does cheat,  
Money to get by this same Knavish Feat.  
Money's the Saga which does him enchant,  
He'll rather part with's Honesty than want  
Her Company, who gets what he does lack  
For hungry Belly and for naked Back.   

LXXXIV. On Woollen Weavers.  
The Woollen-Weaver slight and ●hin will wove,  
That he some of the Clues of Yarn may save,  
And keep himself, which th'Owner to him brought  
To have their Cloth made strong, and firmly wrought;  
But whether th' Owners keep it for their use,  
Or shall expose't to Sale, they'll find the Abuse;  
For when't comes to be worn 'twill shrink up sore,  
And every day 'twill run up more and more,  
And in great lumps wear out, great shame to see,  
And all this through the Weaver's Knavery;  
Who not content with honest Wage does cheat,  
For there was Yarn to make the Cloth complete.  
But then the Knave less Money would obtain,  
If he gets nought but by his lawful Gain;  
So he's resolved he Money will ensure,  
He cares not by what ways he her procure;  
Money's the Sovereign Empress of his Heart,  
For her with Truth and Honesty he'll part.   

LXXXV. On Booksellers.  
The Bookseller for ready Cash will sell  
For as small Profit as other Traders will;  
But than you must take special Care, and look  
You no new Title have to an old Book;  
For they new Title-Pages often passed  
Unto a Book which purposely is placed,  
Setting it forth to be th' Second Edition.  
Or Third, or Fourth, with 'mendments and Addition:  
But when you come for to peruse and look,  
You will not ●ind one Word in all the Book  
Put either in or out, no nor amended,  
For that's a thing that never was intended  
By th' Author; but when a Book begins to fail,  
This is their Trick to quicken up the Sale.  
And if a new Edition comes indeed,  
From all th' old Books they have, they then with speed  
The Title-Pages oft pluck out and tear,  
And new ones in their places fixed are:  
Then have the Confidence to put to sale  
Such Books for new they know are old and stale:  
And th' Buyer thus if he does not descry,  
Will have a Cheat put on him purposely.  
And when an Author's Books do bravely sell,  
And some deceased Author's Works do well,  
These Traders then, to gain a Book a Fame,  
Will set it forth under such Author's Name,  
Prefixing an Epistle to such Tract,  
Declaring to the Reader Matter of Fact,  
How and by whom the same was brought to light,  
And who hath had the View thereof, and Sight;  
How worthy the same Book is of the Press,  
And Reasons why it's published in such Dress;  
With bantring Stuff, to make the Copy ●ell,  
Which Fallacies they think do wondrous well.  
Such Bibliopolists are much to blame,  
When a good Author's dead, t' abuse his Name;  
These Tricks they play, and act without control,  
For Money they'll oppignorate their Soul:  
If you vendible Books cull out, by such  
You may suppose you cannot then lose much;  
But you're deceived, for if you come to try,  
And put them off, you'll find them very shy,  
And nice: They'll say, tho' at first coming forth  
Such Books sold well, yet now they're little worth.  
So Money to disburse they have no mind,  
Cause when to get it in they do not ●ind:  
But after much ado, you may contrive  
For Twenty Pounds laid out to get in Five;  
And this they'll tell you merely is to show  
What Favour and Respect they have for you.  
If you'll exchange for other Books, say they,  
We can afford you then some better Pay;  
Ten Pounds in Truck they will pretend is given,  
Whenas the Books you get will not yield Seven.  
If to be▪ Bookly given be your Fate,  
You'd need to have a plentiful Estate,  
For when the Itch of buying Books grows strong,  
Then you a Prey to th' Bookseller e'er long  
Become; he'll send you Books, and trust so much,  
Until he find you fail in keeping touch:  
Then for his Money he will call amain;  
And if two parts you pay, he gets good Gain,  
His Books are so high prized; but All or None,  
That is the only String he plays upon.  
He'll take no Books again in part, O Curse!  
He must have ready Money in his Purse;  
And thus by him you shall be kept in awe  
By constant Dunning, and Threats of the Law.  
And if an Author to th' Bookseller bring  
A Copy for the Press, altho' the Thing  
He knows will sell, yet he'll pretend and say,  
Paper is dear, and Trading does decay,  
Money is scarce, and licensing is dear,  
So if he buy the Copy, he's in fear  
To lose by th' Bargain, yet at length he'll come,  
And condescend to give you some small Sum;  
In part of which a Parcel you must have  
Of Books at his own Price. And thus you slave  
Yourself, beating your Brains, and taking Pains,  
And this same greedy Leech sucks up the Gains,  
He's so in love with Money, that he'd starve  
Author and Printer too, if he can serve  
But his own Ends, and all the Profit get,  
He does not care how meanly they do sit.  
Money's the She he courts, the only Miss,  
In her does centre all his Happiness.   

LXXXVI. On Farriers.  
If you've a Horse that's sick or lame, wants cure,  
Whenever the Farrier comes, he'll you assure  
That he can cure him, and will undertake  
That he'll perform great Feats for Money'ssake:  
He knows how many Joints and Bones, as plain,  
And every Sinew, Artery, and Vein,  
Are in your Horse, and where and how they lie,  
As if he'ad read upon Anatomy;  
And yet for all this Skill, we often see,  
That he does clear mistake the Malady.  
Which being not by him right understood,  
He oft gives that which does more harm than good.  
And so instead of curing of your Horse,  
He makes him every Day far worse and worse,  
Until at length he turns up's Heels and die,  
And yet the Horseleech you must satisfy  
For his Medicaments, Labour, and Pains,  
And so your Loss at length becomes his Gains.  
I've known a noted Farrier so misled,  
He'as said a Horse was strained, when gravelled;  
And has hot Oils unto the Horse applied  
For some few Days, until it was espied  
The Horse grew worse and worse, and did break out  
Above the Hoof, which put it out of doubt:  
He wonders then he should so far mistake,  
And says he now must other Measures take;  
He cuts the Hoof, finds all within decayed,  
The Horse will lose his Hoof I am afraid,  
Cries he; then long time tampers with the same,  
Till th' Horse is killed, or at the best proves lame;  
And yet, tho' through this Fellows Ignorance,  
To you befalls this Damage and Mischance,  
He'll have the Confidence Money to ask.  
Tho' he thus fond have performed his Task.  
But yet I think if he had his Desert,  
To pay for th' Horse in such a Case is his part.  
For Money'ssake Men undertake strange things,  
She can prevail to take the Life of Kings.   

LXXXVII. On Paviours.  
The Paviour when he works by Yard or Great,  
Will make his Tools and Hands go till he sweat;  
As fast he'll pitch the Stones, and nimbly pave,  
As th' Servers can the same unto him heave:  
Great Pains he'll take to pave much on a Day,  
For than he knows more Money's due for pay:  
For greediness of Money thus he'll cheat,  
And take no pains firmly the Work to beat,  
But covered over with Sand, to make't appear  
Firm to the Eye, when within half a year  
It all breaks up; then all the Labour's lost,  
And th' Owner than is put to double Cost;  
For if at first the Stones he firmly set,  
Covers them well, and has them strongly beat,  
Till every Chink is close filled up with Sand,  
And no Stone higher than another stand,  
But all so firmly beat, and close and plain,  
That it will bear a loaden Cart or Wain,  
And never shrink, that is right Work indeed;  
But ah Sir, than he cannot make such speed,  
Nor get such Wage as he desires to have;  
For store of Cash you've leave to call him Knave.  
Money's the false Trivenifica we see,  
Enchants Men to betray their Honesty,  
Credit, good Name, and all that is most dear,  
If she upon the Stage does but appear.   

LXXXVIII. On Upholsters.  
If the Upholster to your House do come,  
To set up Beds for you, or hang a Room,  
If you pay down the Price you make him set,  
And bring him down as low as you can get.  
But if you tick, that is a cursed Disease,  
For than he sets whatever Rate he please.  
When you with any Tradesman would agree  
At easy Price, than Money he must see.   

LXXXIX. On Watermens.  
The Watermens do wait at Rivers Stairs,  
And Lanes near Water-sides, expecting Fares:  
When any come they think do want a Boat,  
They run, hold up their Hand, set up their Note.  
Sculler and Oars they cry, and stop your way,  
Till th' Sign you give, they will not be said nay.  
And when a jolly Company they get,  
They'll cast their Coats, and row until they sweat.  
And Day by Day this Course they do attend,  
For Madam Money's sake, their chiefest Friend:  
'Tis she on whom they solely do rely,  
Them in their great Distresses to supply;  
When her they have, of nought they stand in fear,  
For nothing they can want when Money's there.  
Money's the Idol that each Man adores,  
And her Assistance all the World implores.   

XC. On Ferry-men.  
The Ferry-men that Passage-Boats do keep,  
Attend all Day, at Night break off their sleep  
To wait on those who that way do resort,  
Them and their Goods o'er Rivers to transport:  
This Toil and Pains they take for Money's sake,  
Ne'er grudge thereat, nor no Complaints do make;  
For these poor Men do think that Money is  
Th' Royal Diploma of all Earthly Bliss.   

XCI. On Barge men.  
Bargers and Lighter-men do roar and bawl,  
By Night and Day their Boats they pull and haul:  
Many cold Blast, and bitter Storm they bide,  
Be't fair or soul, they will not lose their Tide,  
But out they'll go, no Wether them can stay,  
What is't that poor Men will not do for Pay?  
Money's the Crown of all their Hopes, the Prize  
At which they aim, precious in all Men's Eyes,  
The Apotheca of all Terrestrial Good,  
She brings to all both Clothes, and Drink, and Food.   

XCII. On Apothecaries.  
When th' Pharmacopolist does get a Bill  
From th' Learned Doctor, for such Men as will  
Good Payment make, and where his Money's sure,  
For such he looks out Drugs both found and pure;  
And in his Mortar them will fondly beat,  
And run his Pestle round until he sweat.  
Then makes the Physic truly up and quick,  
And then the Patient visit that lies sick;  
At your Bedside he takes hold of your Arm,  
And in his canting Terms begins his Charm,  
Does feel your Pulse, and says he'll set you right,  
And talks as if he'd cure you upon sight.  
He to you then a Bottle small does bring,  
And bids you taste, Oh 'tis a Cordial thing.  
Then he pulls out a Pot of his Conserve,  
Which you must often take, it will preserve  
Your Body Cool, repress excessive Thirst;  
But you must take of this same Bottle first,  
Says he, than many Pots and Glasses more  
He leaves, t'enlarge his Bill, augment your Score,  
Which signify no more for you to eat,  
Than Chip in Pottage, for 'tis all a Cheat.  
Then he does daily some Slip Slap or other  
Bring to your Chamber, and there does them clother;  
So those that come to visit you ne'er stop  
To say 'tis like th' Apothecary's Shop.  
Money does make his Mortar sweetly knell,  
And if you've none, it tolls your passing Bell.  
Old rotten Drugs on th' poorer sort he'll try,  
Has no regard whether they live or die;  
For in such Case where Payment he does fear,  
His Shop of rotten Drugs he then will clear.  
If Money had the power but Life to give,  
The Rich would never die, Poor not long live.   

XCIII. On Druggist's.  
Druggist's found Medicines nor Drugs will send,  
But where their Money's sure, tho' you're a Friend;  
For Ingenuity and Friendship too,  
Although for what is good they court and woe,  
If Moneyless, they go with empty Pots,  
When other thick-sculled idle silly Sots  
With Money can prevail, in a great Huff,  
To have the best, whilst others take the Stuff  
That's all decayed, wormeaten, old and rotten,  
For without Money Friendship's quite forgotten,  
And you must wait their Time, attend their Call,  
Perhaps get some, or't may be none at all.  
If you get any, it's then with a Flout,  
And such old Stuff, you'd better be without  
Than have it in your Shop, all will deny it,  
And all your Customers you may lose by it.  
It's very plain there's none can drive a Trade  
Without good store of Money, can be made.  
Money does master all things, all adore her,  
Nought can withstand, she drives on all before her.   

XCIV. On Country Glover's.  
Glover's with Gloves and Leather ready dressed,  
Markets attend, in Money's search and quest:  
In Heat and Cold they keep their constant Stand,  
When Money comes, to take her in their Hand:  
She's the Amicula of their Affection,  
Cheers up their Spirits, and yields them Refection.   

XCV. On Watch-makers.  
Your Watchmaker a neat good Watch will fix,  
For Four Pounds in hand, on Credit Six.  
A Clock and Weatherglass you too may have,  
Which if with ready Pay you buy, you save  
In each Six Pounds a Guinney, if not more,  
Such are the fruits of Ticking on the Score.  
When Tradesmen sell on Credit, they take care  
T' have double Usury paid 'em for their Ware.   

XCVI. On travelling Glass-men.  
The Glass-man bears about upon his Back,  
Glasses and Drinking-Pots both white and black;  
He escapes some Dangers, some he cannot pass,  
But now and then does break a Pot or Glass,  
And yet he travels on, hoping to have  
A better Price for those he whole does save.  
Money he does pursue from place to place,  
All Hazards he breaks through to see her Face;  
Whate'er Mischances or Misfortunes fall,  
If he gets her, she makes amends for all:  
No Dangers great, no Pains too much can be,  
To compass Madam Money's Company.   

XCVII. On Cabinet-makers.  
Th' ingenious Maker of fine Cabinets,  
Tables and Drawers, Standards, Glasses, Sets  
Of Dressing-Boxes, Brushes, and Japan-  
Work of all sorts, in every thing he can  
Serve you as well as any Man in Town,  
At easy Rates, if Money you pay down.  
But when that's wanting, he does then look shy,  
And matters not tho' you should nothing buy.  
Money's so fixed in his Thoughts and Heart,  
That without her he cannot freely part,  
And leave his Goods; for if he's forced to trust,  
O then, great and excessive Gains he must  
Receive at length, or else he will take home  
His Goods, until a better Chapman come.   

XCVIII. On jack of all Trades.  
Canes, Pistols, Knives, Guns, or what other Knack.  
Or Thing in Jack of all Trade's Shop you lack;  
If you are his Acquaintance, he will say,  
Your Word to him's as good as ready Pay:  
But this is Shame, for where you go o'th' Score,  
You'll find you pay him a third Penny more  
Than ready Coin; for than you bring him down,  
By wrangling, from a Noble to a Crown.   

XCIX. On Tobacconists.  
Where the Tobacconist good Pay does get,  
The choicest Boxes up for those he'll set;  
But if you're slow in Payment, do not hit  
His Time, than any nasty Trash is fit  
For you; cut Stalks mixed with decayed stuff,  
That's fit for nought but grinding into Snuff.  
If you complain, and give't a bad Report,  
He sends you word 'tis very good o'th' Sort,  
And th' best he had made ready up for sale;  
But come and clear off Scores, then he'll not fail  
To pick and choose you out so good a sort,  
That when you come to tri't, you'll thank him for't;  
Thus Money, Money runneth in his Mind,  
Which you must pay if you'll true Friendship find.   

C. On Alehouse keepers.  
The Alehousekeeper if you'll freely pay,  
And nobly call, he'll sit by you all Day;  
All other Company he will neglect,  
And you're the only Man shall have Respect.  
'Tis on the noble-minded Man he tends,  
That cares not what comes in, nor what he spends.  
Such Company's the solace of his Heart,  
He's then your humble Servant, will not part.  
Money's so charming, that she makes him shun  
All other Guests, and after you to run.  
There's nothing that his House Sir can afford  
But you may it command just at a Word.  
My Landlord at none else but you will look,  
You hold him fast, Sir, with your Silver-Hook.  
But if you for a single Pot but call,  
He for such Company cares not at all.  
So any Man without Offence may say  
That plurimi passim fit Pecunia.   

CI. On Milliners.  
The Milliner for Ready Money's kind,  
For Stockings, Ribbons, Gloves, Hoods, Scarves, you'll find  
He'll use you well, and tho' he do pretend  
He'd be as kind, because you are his Friend.  
If you the Goods upon your Credit take,  
But then be sure another Price he'd make;  
So trust him not, for Money always hath  
More Kindness found, than where there's greatest Faith.   

CII. On Printers.  
The Printer will for Money hazard Fate,  
Print scurr'lous Pamphlets against the State,  
Or any dangerous unlicenc'd thing,  
Which may Life and Estate in Danger bring:  
Such is the power of Money every where,  
That Men regardless are of Shame or Fear.  
Nothing's too dear for her to set at Stake,  
That all this hurry in the World does make.   

CIII. On Salesmen.  
Salesmen to those pass by, cry with loud Voice,  
Do you want Clothes? walk in, here is good choice  
Of Mant'as, Madam, Petticoats or Gown,  
There's none can show you better in the Town;  
Or Coats and Breeches, with good Waistcoats, Sir,  
They cry, as you pass by, and make great stir.  
If you reply, and say you Money lack,  
The Salesman leaves you then, and turns his Back.  
If you want Clothes, but can no Money spare,  
Than you for all his Store may go Thread bare;  
For when this Lady does abscond, O then  
He'll show no Clothes to Women or to Men.  
But if this Empress of the World appear,  
He'll cap and court you then to buy, ne'er fear.  
Money brings you in savour with a Man,  
When neither Friendship nor Acquaintance can.   

(CIV.) On Seamstresses.  
The smiling Seamstress, full of wheedling Chats,  
For Ruffles, Handkerchiefs, Necks and Creva●s,  
Or other sorts, for which you have a Mind,  
If she your Credit know, she will be kind,  
She'll say: And full of Curtsies, then will tell  
With many Smiles and Bows, she'll use you well,  
Do not distrust, nor make no Words or stir,  
You solely may refer the Price to her.  
And thus she Wheedles, until the Gipsy  
Do get you in her Books, and then she nips ye.  
She'll cheat you'll find, if she your Name sets down,  
In every Angel, at least Half-a-Crown.  
Let her Pretence be ne'er so fair in show,  
You'll find 'tis Money that she loves, not you;  
And if she Money gets, she does not care  
Whether it comes by soul means or by fair.   

CIV. On Truckers.  
The Trucker is possessed with plodding Head,  
Contrives all Day, and Night when in his Bed;  
Does nimbly frisk about, for it's his Trade,  
Turns every Stone to get a Bargain made.  
There's nought comes wrong, at any Bait he'll bite,  
He'll serious be, or drink with you all Night;  
Suits any Humour, puts on any Shape,  
Merry or Grave, Mimics, or Cunning Ape,  
He's this or that, nay, any thing you'll have him,  
You must be wondrous quick, if you deceive him.  
If you've a Parcel you would have put off,  
Tho' th' Goods be very mean, he'll not them scoff;  
Bid such high Price for them by way of Truck,  
That you'll rejoice in mind for your good Luck:  
Thus he's assured, tho' double Price he give  
For yours, yet he by th' Bargain shall receive  
Sufficient Gains, if much the less for those  
Of yours he gets, or nought, he cannot lose;  
For in the Truck he has such Bargain made,  
That, sink or swim, he cannot lose by th' Trade.  
If you've no Goods, then he'll desire to know,  
If any Men or Women you can show,  
Or Lads or Lasles, Strangers, or of your Kin,  
He'll truck for them, Gain palliates the Sin:  
He'll bargain for your Child, Sister, or Brother,  
Rather than stick they'll spirit one another.  
All's one to him whether they're pleased or no;  
If he gets them a-board, away they go  
Unto Barbadues, or Virginia strait,  
There he trucks for Tobacco, this his Fraight,  
Which when come home, his Trade is Trucking still,  
Fo● Goods, or he'll for Ready Money sell.  
There's nought you can propound that he'll refrain,  
The Bargain's mean that turns not to his Gain.  
What is't the Trucker will not undertake,  
And manage too for th' Idol Money's sake?  
Which is the only Goddess he implores,  
The very Name of Money he adores:  
O'er him this Idol has such Influence,  
For her he'll pawn, or fell his Conscience.   

CV. On Scotch Pedlars.  
These Circumvoraneans Scotch Cloth cry,  
Hollands, Muslins, or Cambrics, will ye buy  
Calicoes, Lawns, or any other Ware?  
If you'll buy nought, then will you sell some Hair?  
Thus at the Doors and Windows they do call,  
Several Denials quiets not their Bawl,  
Into your House with Confidence they'll go,  
Name all their Wares, and scarcely be said no.  
From House to House, from Town to Town they run,  
They'll spare no pains if Money can be won,  
Either by Chaffer, or else otherwise,  
So fair and tempting Money's in their Eyes,  
They'll seek and have her, if she may be found,  
Traverse the Country, and whole Counties round.  
Country and Counties did I say? we find  
To range whole Kingdoms will not please their Mind;  
What Master Cleaveland heretofore descried,  
May to these Pedlars sitly be applied,  
Had Cain been Scot, God would have changed his doom,  
Not made him travel, but confined him home.   

CVI On Butter-Factors.  
The Butter-Buyers amongst themselves agree,  
How they may gull and cheat the Country.  
They know poor Farmers are enforced to sell,  
So they set down a Rate just as they will;  
Higher or lower Prices they set down,  
As they see more or less come to a Town:  
When there does come plenty of Firkins in,  
Then to th' poor Men they Stories do begin;  
Tell them at London th' Markets are so low,  
That how to buy and save they do not know;  
Tho' not a Word of this they know is true,  
Yet by this Artifice they wrest and screw  
Great Profit to themselves, and Money get  
From th' honest Farmers, without much regret.  
These Buyers amongst themselves low Prices make,  
Which the poor Farmers are enforced to take;  
The Men are indigent, else had not come,  
So sell they must Money to carry home:  
But when these Factor's Orders do receive  
To buy a Parcel quickly up, they give  
Twelvepences advance perhaps, or sometimes more;  
But when they're served, the Price is as before;  
And thus the Country is brought to submit,  
And take such Prices as these Men think sit.  
If you a Pound or less fall short of weight,  
Than you must make Abatement for it straight;  
But if your Firkin proves a Pound or two  
O'er-weight, for that they nothing will allow.  
At every Turn Profit they're sure to make,  
And all the Country cheat, for Money's sake.   

CVII. On Butter-Searchers.  
If th' Butter-Searcher do some Firkins find  
Not perfect Right, yet sometimes he'll be kind,  
And pass 'em by, if th' Owners he do know,  
And be assured they'll Kindness to him show,  
And Presents make unto his Wise, or Self;  
For tho' no Money-Bribes this cunning Elf  
Would be supposed from any to receive,  
Yet he will take what other things you'll give;  
If any call these Bribes, he hath this shift,  
Will tell you no, What is more free than Gift?  
If you Corn, Geese, or Turkeys will send in,  
He'll them receive, not scrupleed as a Sin.   

CVIII. On Corn-Merchants and Malsters.  
Corn-Merchants and the Malster's chiefest Care,  
Is Grain to buy cheap in, and sell out dear:  
When Farmers and poor Husbandmen would sell,  
Wages to pay, or Rents to raise, they smell  
There's Wanting then; so they are very shy,  
Are full of Corn, want Money, cannot buy;  
But if they can but wrest you to their Pin,  
They'll bargain then, your Corn you may bring in;  
And thus does run poor men's unhappy Fate,  
They must for Money sell at any rate:  
But when the Buyers have got pretty store,  
And for some time resolve to buy no more,  
Then they bethink themselves, whether last Year  
Or this they did their Corn buy in more dear:  
If the last Year, great store of Old they have;  
If this more dear, They could no old Store save;  
So all must go at the best Price they give;  
They by this means exuberantly live.  
If Money can but any way be had,  
She's welcome, tho' the Means be ne'er so bad:  
Whenas a Steeping fails, and th' Malt's not right,  
Then that is mixed, laid in some place in sight,  
To send abroad, to those whose Custom they,  
Do not regard, because they badly pay.  
But those that take up much, and take great care  
To make good Payment, get the choicest Ware.  
So runs the World, Money is ne'er said nay;  
But poor Souls are repulsed, that cannot pay.   

CIX. On jobbers of Cattle.  
The Jobber buying Cattle does contrive  
To some remote far Market them to drive,  
Where he's in hopes they will good profit bring,  
And that's the only expetible thing  
Which he does indagate, and People covet,  
For all Mankind of all Degrees do love it:  
This Cash each Man desires, to have and keep it,  
He that does not, Quae te dementia cepit  
May well be said of such, for't comes to pass  
Where Money's wanting, every silly Ass  
Insults o'er you, his Tongue is there let loose,  
Although he scarce can say Bornwell to a Goose.  
Money procures Respect to every Fool,  
He's capped and cringed, tho' he look like an Owl.   

CX. On Mint-men.  
Minters do moil and work early and late,  
Run Bullion into Ingots, melt down Plate,  
Assay the Pots with Industry and Skill,  
Draw Bars to equal thickness in the Mill,  
Cut and punch Pieces out, both great and small,  
Then carefully size, edge, and blank them all,  
Fit for the Skrew and Die; then they cull out  
The greater Pieces, Letter them about,  
So tell and bag the Money up, make't fit  
For th' King, or th' Owners that have right to it.  
This Pains they take not out of love to Art,  
But 'tis because themselves do get a part  
Of what they Coin, else they would have no Will,  
Either to Work, or show their Art and Skill.  
Money does Coiners and Receivers please,  
Quarrels promotes, and Anger can appease,  
Sorrow and Grief can ease, and Comfort bring;  
Nay powerful Money can do any thing.   

CXI. On Tanners.  
Tanner's unkindly Heats do sometimes use  
Unto their Leather, and thereby abuse  
Those that do wear the same, for it proves naught,  
When after into Boots and Shoes it's wrought.  
The Shoemakers are Rogued then for the same,  
When as in truth the Tanners are to blame,  
Who too hot Woozes use, or over-Lime  
Leather, and will not give it its due time.  
Then other while for outer Soles they raise,  
Such poor thin Hides by their unlawful ways,  
Which they well know, for such use are not fit,  
These Crafts they use more Money for to get,  
Than lawful ways can compass them, or bring:  
And thus we see Money's the only thing  
At which all Trades and Mysteries do look,  
And are resolved to have't by Hook or Crook.   

CXII. On Hawking Pedlars.  
Some Hawking Pedlars carry on their Backs,  
Others with jaden Horses, and great Packs  
Of Hollands, Cambrics, Lawns, Scotch-Cloth and Hoods,  
calico, Muslins, Lace, and suchlike Goods;  
Ribbons and Necklaces, with such like Trade,  
Gowns, Scarves, Gloves, Silks, and Mantua's ready made;  
With which they hawk i'th' Country here and there,  
At Fairs and Markets too to sell their Ware.  
Money's the only Lady they pursue,  
If her they can but catch, they never rue,  
Nor of their Pains and Labour do Repent,  
Money does salve up all, with great Content.   

CXIII. On Hard-ware Men.  
The Hard-ware Man at Markets seldom fails,  
With Knives, and Scissors, Hammers, Locks, and Nails,  
And Smoothing-Boxes, Buckles, Steels, and Awls,  
And Jersey-Combs, are laid upon their Stalls;  
With many other things that People use,  
Which he lays all in sight for Folk to choose  
Such things as they do lack, and give him pay,  
Money's the Miss for whom the Man does stay;  
And with great Patience waits until she come,  
Then he with Joy does take his journey home,  
And when this Lady he does thither bring,  
He and his Family Choreuma's sing.   

CXIV. On Petty-Booksellers.  
The petty Bibliopol has Histories,  
And some small Books of several Mysteries,  
Primmers, Psalters, and Bibles on his Stall,  
Logistoricks, with Books Protreptical;  
With Chronologicks for the People's Use,  
And other sorts on's Stall he does produce,  
Which he in order viewly sets to th' Eye,  
Hoping they'll tempt some Looker's on to buy;  
He Money wants, nought has such Charms as she,  
For her he'll part with his whole Library.   

CXV. On Travelling Cooper's.  
Cooper's with Hoops and Tools do march about,  
To find out Work walk many weary Foot,  
When with a job they meet, and Money's got,  
They then rejoice at their Auspicious Lot,  
When tired with Work, and Travelling all Day,  
Money makes them at Night sing Care away.   

CXVI. On Bowl-Sellers.  
Sellers of Bowls, Churns, Pails, and other Ware,  
With them do ride about from Fair to Fair  
Chapmen to seek, that Ready Money bring,  
Then they will smoak, bouse off their Pots and sing.  
When th' Market's bad, they're in a sullen Frame,  
So dull, that none would think they are the same.  
Money's the sprightly Miss, the dainty Dame,  
That cheereth up both Young, Old, Blind and Lame.   

CXVII. On Millers.  
When Corn is dear, the Miller often is  
(To get great Gains) tempted to do amiss,  
Not pleased with's due, excessive Toll he'll take,  
And all the Country cheat for Money's sake;  
And by this means the Adage does fulfil,  
It is as sure as there's a Thief i'th' Mill.  
And the old Saying is, as has been told,  
An honest Miller has a Thumb of Gold.   

CXVIII. On Coach-makers.  
A painted Coach, and Harness fine and gay,  
For thirty Pounds you'll get in ready Pay;  
But if they're brought to you upon the Score,  
The Price will then be forty Pounds, or more.  
O Money, fie! great are the Cheats thou plays!  
To compass thee Men care not by what ways  
They do proceed, and value not a Pin,  
For Right or Wrong, so Money comes but in.   

CXIX. On Horse-Iockeys.  
The Mangonist does feed and graith his Horse,  
In hopes that he thereby may fill his Purse  
With exoptable Cash, which will revive  
His drooping Thoughts, when he finds he shall thrive:  
Boiled Corn, with Mash, and Balls, and other Things,  
He gives his Horse, which he knows quickly brings  
And plumps him up, makes him look fat and fair,  
And for a Market handsome viewly Ware;  
And tho' he know in this there's much Deceit,  
Yet he to get him off does use this Cheat.  
Its Money that he wants, and her he'll have;  
So Tricks will play Money to get or save:  
She is the dear Prolubium of his Mind,  
Money to get he many ways will find;  
He'll cheat his nearest Friend to compass her,  
Cog, swear, and lie, great bustle make and stir.   

CXX. On badger's.  
From Market unto Market the poor Badger  
Does ride and run, and makes himself a Cadger  
Of Corn from place to place, and takes great pains,  
And all's but to acquire some little Gains;  
And if with Profit Money does but come,  
He with rejoicing then returneth home;  
Money revives his Heart, when she'll be found,  
For Money's sake he seeks the Country round;  
Both far and near he does itinerate,  
And after Money early does hunt and late;  
He cannot live without her, so will pay  
His Homage unto her by Night and Day.   

CXXI. On Bakers.  
Bakers not pleased with just and moderate Gain,  
Confederacy amongst themselves maintain,  
Huff up their Bread, make't viewly to the sight,  
But scarce a Loaf of just Assize and Weight:  
But when the Weighers come their Bread to try,  
All th' light Bread then is presently put by,  
And other Bread is brought and set in sight,  
Which they well know is of just Weight and right.  
Such Bread in store they always ready have,  
From th' hazard of the Law, themselves to save:  
When all is done, and th' Weighers gone away,  
Then presently this Bread they do convey  
Unto the place where it did stand before,  
And then comes out again all their light store,  
With which they cheat the Ignorant and Poor.  
This is their Trade, Money they love so well,  
That for her sake they'll pawn their Souls to Hell.   

CXXII. On Mealmen.  
Some fine and course Grain mixed the Mealman will  
Grind into Flower, and at the best Price sell;  
And if you ask him when you come to buy,  
If it is made of the best Corn, he answers, I.  
The choicest Grain the Markets do afford  
Is in that Flower, believe it on my Word;  
The Say true, the finest Corn is there,  
But of the courser sort's the greater share.  
Thus he dissembles, lies, equivocates,  
And by such Means these Men do get Estates.  
Then they can damp their Flour some other while,  
Which makes it greater weight, and so beguiles.  
To cozen, lie, dissemble's no Offence,  
If Money's thereby got, they can dispense  
With the severest Checks of Conscience.  
Alas, Alas! What Comfort is in this,  
Money to gain, and lose eternal Bliss?   

CXXIII. On Apprentices.  
Poor Prentices the space of Seven Year,  
Or longer time, their Masters serve with fear,  
Have many Taunts, crabbed Words, and scornful Looks;  
More strictly kept than Scholars to their Books,  
And sometimes beat, inhumanely abused,  
'Twould pity one to have their Dog so used;  
Some Lads on silly Errands are sent out,  
For petty things, for which some do them flout;  
Some clean the Shoes, fetch Coals, and Door-Stones sweep,  
Dress Stable out, and Master's Horse do keep;  
Many cold Winter stormy bitter Day  
Poor Boys behind the Shopboard trembling stay;  
Fingers and Hands so swelled and numbed with Cold  
They scarcely any thing can take or hold.  
When Hands and Feet are Cold, if they desire,  
Yet without leave they must not come to th' Fire;  
Their Finger's blow, behind Backs stand and wait  
Whilst th' Masters warm themselves, sitting in State.  
Some Boys are almost starved for want of Meat,  
Or 's slubbered so, when't comes they cannot eat.  
Drudges and perfect Slaves some Lads are made,  
Before they can be Masters of their Trade:  
These Hardships they endure, with hopes to see  
Their Term expire, and then they shall be free,  
May set up for themselves, and take their Ease,  
Having no angry Master then to please;  
But then may sell their Wares and Money take,  
Having endured great slavery for her sake.  
Then they're in hopes to get a virtuous Wife,  
Whose Company's the solace of Man's Life,  
Who for the further Comfort of their State,  
Will Money bring for her Associate;  
Then all their former Slaveries quite forgot,  
When as a treble Bliss falls to their Lot;  
Freedom, a Virtuous Wife, and Money store,  
What can a Man in this Life covet more.   

CXXIV. On Fishermen.  
Poor Fishermen to wait their Time and Tide,  
In sorry Cabins near the Water side,  
On Straw or Rushes poorly lie, and tumble,  
At their mean Fare and Hardships never grumble,  
But draw their Nets and Lines in Rain and Cold,  
And joyful are when they some Fish behold:  
And those poor Men who venture out to Sea  
When Storms arise, sometimes are cast away,  
And so instead of catching Fish for Gain,  
Themselves are catched by Death, entombed i'th' Main;  
The hopes Men have they Money shall command,  
Makes them adventure both by Sea and Land.  
Comfort she brings in time of greatest need,  
Men in their greatest Trouble she has freed.  
What Toil or Hazard can be thought too much  
For Money then, whose Company is such.  
O Money, Money, all Men thee adore,  
Both those at Sea, and those upon the Shore.   

CXXV. On Tapsters.  
Tapsters who th' Master's Cellars farm by great,  
Will froth their Pots and Cans, nick on, and cheat,  
Their Drink in Pots, and little Mugs will fill,  
Tankard and sorry Cans, for Cheat they will,  
Both in the pinching Measure, and their Score,  
So long as Money comes they'll ne'er give over;  
Play all their Tricks, that they may hold her fast,  
Till Satan comes, and th' Tapster gets at last.   

CXXVI. On Ostlers.  
An Hostler's looked upon to be a Man  
That certainly will cheat you if he can;  
For tho' you see your Horse with corn well fed,  
And take great Care before you go to Bed  
To have your Horse's Rack well filled with Hay;  
As soon as you are gone, he'll take't away,  
And so your Horse all Night stands without Meat;  
Then the next Morn betimes (that he no Cheat  
May seem to be) he puts some Hay i'th' Rack,  
Then Master says, your Horse no Meat did lack,  
Yourself did see the Rack I did so fill,  
That there's a great deal does remain in't still;  
And thus the Knave his Credit would retrieve,  
Hoping that what he says you do believe.  
If with your Corn you trust him to your Horse,  
Then he its like will cheat you worse and worse.  
If you command him half a Peck to give  
Your Horse, perhaps, he'll half as much receive,  
Or sometimes none at all; you must take care,  
Or otherwise your Horse will get ill Fare;  
But this is unto such who Strangers are,  
Or pinching Slaves, for whom he does not care.  
If you're a constant Guest, and nobly pay,  
He'll neither cheat you then of Corn nor Hay,  
But will as honest be in every Case,  
As if yourself were by him in the place,  
For he's assured you will be very free,  
And so he deals with you in honesty.  
Immoderate Love of Gains for his Relief,  
Does tempt the Man to make himself a Thief.  
There's many have so dearly Money bought,  
That they themselves have to the Gallows brought   

CXXVII. On Hackney Coachmen.  
The Hackney-Coachman when he sees it Rain,  
He's pleased thereat, tho' others do complain,  
For he's in hopes to have then a good Trade,  
Whereby good store of Money will be made:  
He values not tho' he be wet to th' Skin,  
If he can get but store of Money in:  
In wet and cold he'll drive, tho' Storms be great,  
And in hot Wether moil in Dust and Sweat,  
And in his Coach-Box with great Patience sit,  
For Money runs betwixt him and his Wit;  
His Mind is wholly sixth upon his Gains;  
'Tis Money that does recompense his Pains.   

CXXVIII. On City Carmen and Draymen.  
Carmen and Draymen ofttimes have great Lists,  
And when they drive, are hard put to their shifts▪  
Oft-times in narrow Lanes there's such a Throng,  
They hazard sore their Lives to pass along;  
They pull, they lift, they curse, they bawl and flight;  
Sometimes to downright Blows they fall, and sight▪  
All Blood and Dirt, with Hair all torn, they've been,  
And hardly can be parted, they're so keen;  
And this they undertake; and then this  
For th' love of Money their admired Miss;  
She charms them so, they'll any Toil endure,  
In Leather Coats and Frocks, to make her sure.  
What Pains can be too great her to acquire,  
Whom all the World does follow and admire?  
In whose Society there's such delight,  
That Princes do for her make War and sight▪   

CXXIX. On Common Colliers.  
Poor common Collier's Money to obtain,  
In Heat and Cold, fair Wether and in Rain,  
Through thick and thin, in Mire as well as Dust,  
Early and late their Horses follow must▪  
Lest they against some Gate or Style do run,  
Or fall and break their Ware, they're half undone,  
And many weary Footstep every Week  
They're forced to undertake Chapmen to seek,  
Else Madam Money will not these Men own,  
And then they know no Favours to them shown:  
But if this Lady they have in their Hand,  
They're sure they then may any thing command,  
Corn, Bread or Flower, Eggs, Butter, Flesh or Fish,  
Or what else they for Back or Belly wish.  
Money's Queen-Regent of the World, all will  
On her attend, her Pleasure to fulfil.   

CXXX. On Carters, Wain-men, and Waggoners.  
The Carters, Wain-men, and Waggoners for Hire,  
In Summer's Heat, and Winter's Cold and Mire,  
Be th' Wether good or bad, they keep their Stage,  
Because they know it brings in constant Wage:  
Much Toil they have, and many Dangers run,  
Money without great Pains will not be won;  
For he that Money's Company does crave,  
Besides great Ca●e, ●e must himself enslave,  
Till he prevails to have her at his Will;  
With her Assistance than he may fulfil  
What he desires, great Hills may levelly plain,  
Or in low Valleys raise great Hills again;  
He any thing may to his Humour bring;  
He that has Money can do every thing.   

CXXXI. On Country Rope-makers.  
The Roper with his Ropes of Hemp and Hair,  
Horse-Pannels, Wanties, Cords, and suchlike Ware;  
Sick, Webb and Halters, Haircloth too he shows,  
Cart-Ropes and Hopples for Horses and for Cows;  
These things for Money he does ready make,  
Has them from place to place Money to take;  
For he to meet with her no place will miss,  
Money's Solamen in miseriis;  
The only Antidote against all Sorrow,  
He that has her needs not care for to Morrow.   

CXXXII. On Petty Chapmen.  
The Petty Chapmen with Tobacco, Spice,  
Dutch Bread and Walnuts, Indigo, Blue Bice,  
Pepper and Ginger, Sugar White and Brown,  
Soap, Starch, and Pins, they go from Town to Town.  
Tape, Thread, and filleting, with other things  
Which People want, from House to House they bring.  
To Fairs and Markets too; they also rove,  
Money to get their Stocks for to improve;  
Money's the Lass for whom they so much itch,  
Some her obtain, and by their Trade grow Rich,  
For where she comes, and does resolve to 'bide,  
Such may be said to go with Wind and Tide.   

CXXXIII. On Higlers.  
Higlers with Poultry, Eggs, and other Trade,  
Do nod and ride all Night, are not afraid  
Of Wether, or bad Way, or any harm,  
Money against all Fear's a powerful Charm:  
The Love of her runs in their Minds and Heads,  
She breaks their Sleeps, they rest not in their Beds,  
But Day and Night they Travel here and there,  
Sometimes to sell, sometimes to get more Ware:  
And thus continually they ride and rove,  
Money to get, th' admired Miss they Love,  
She pays their Rents, supplies their Needs they see,  
And in their greatest straits does set them free.   

CXXXIV. On Travelling Potters.  
Potters to Markets with their brittle Ware,  
Possessed with fear, do march, and full of care,  
Yet Madam Money has them at her Call,  
For th' Love they bear to her, they'll venture all;  
The Hopes they have of her to be possessed,  
Dispels their Fear, at home they cannot rest,  
But out they'll go, Money to seek and find,  
The supreme Paraclesis of their Mind.   

CXXXV. On Brick makers.  
The poor Brick-makers in cold Winter Weather,  
Their Clay turn over, and do cast together,  
In Summertime, from Morn till Night, all day,  
With their bare Hands they work and mould their Clay,  
In flooting, dressing, drying and making fit,  
They take great pains er'th ' Bricks in Kill are set;  
They pi●e them close, and dawb them round about,  
Lest when they're fired it any where break out;  
After this Toil, than Money comes to please  
Their Acopum Catholi●um of Ease;  
Money their Toil requites, gets Clothes and Food,  
Transforms sad Spirits into merry Mood.   

CXXXVI. On Fish drivers.  
Drivers of Fish unto the Markets bring  
Cod. Scate and Turbot, Haddocks, Sole, and Ling,  
Conger and Whiting, Killing and Mackrel,  
With Lobsters, Cockles, and fine Crabs to sell;  
Salmon and Scurfs, with Smelts and Salmon-Cocks,  
Catched in the Nets, in Kiddels, or Fish-Locks;  
Winter and Summer travel Night and Day,  
Sometimes in good, sometimes in dirty way;  
And in great Storms they're sometimes almost lost,  
Thus for a Livelihood poor Men are tossed,  
When they to th' Market come, and Fish set down,  
Away they go, and stay good while i'th' Town;  
Return no more till th' latter end o'th' day,  
And then they know those People will not stay  
That have far home; and so what Price they set  
Upon their Fish, they are in hopes to get;  
Because to wrangle Buyers cannot stand,  
Rather than stay will pay what they demand.  
Thus every Trade does exercise their Wit,  
And all their cunning Tricks Money to get,  
Her to acquire a Man his Life oft ventures,  
And for her sake his Wit does set o'th' Tenters.   

CXXXVII. On Sellers of Bread or Cakes, in Markets.  
Those which with Bread or Cakes in Markets sit,  
Or in the Streets, or those that carry it  
Abroad to sell, and Chapmandry to find,  
Are not disturbed at Wether, Ways, or Wind;  
Whether't be hot or cold, they value not,  
If sovereign Lady Money may be got;  
For her they ride, they run, they stand, they wait,  
Constant Attendance give, with Minds sedate.  
Tho' Bread's the Staff of Life, yet they will part  
With Bread for Money's, with all their Heart.  
Faith, Hope, and Charity great Graces be,  
And Charity the greatest of the Three,  
What Name and Place does Money then deserve,  
Saves Life, when Charity would let you starve?  
Sure she's a Grace, and of all Grace's Chief,  
That to all sorts of People yields Relief.   

CXXXVIII. On Basket makers and Sievers.  
Sievers and Basket-makers with made Wares,  
As Baskets, Voiders, Sieves, and wanded Chairs,  
Fine Rangers, Searchers, Tiffanies, and Boulters,  
Course and fine Scuttles, P●nniers for Poulters;  
And such like things, with many others more,  
Which they have always ready-made in store:  
From Fair to Fair they ride, and Markets ply,  
Money to get, all Places they do try,  
Money's the Lass for whom they work and strive,  
Them and their Families to keep alive.   

CXXXIX. On Tinkers, and Bowl-Sewers or Cranmers.  
The Tinkers and Bowl-Sewers ragged are,  
So Money seek themselves for to repair;  
But when a job of Work falls in their Hand,  
Three times as much for it they will demand  
As they deserve to have, you must agree  
Before the Work's begun, if you'd be free  
From Noise and Clamour, else the Rogues will swear,  
And not give over, till Money does appear;  
She charms them into silence, makes 'em still,  
She cloaths their Backs, and does their Bellies fill.  
In stormy Wether, when they trembling lie,  
Money their cold chilled Limbs can calefie.   

CXL. On Sellers of Herbs and Roots.  
Sellers of Roots and Herbs, that Markets tend  
With Turnips, Carrots, Cabbages to vend,  
Time, Hyssop, Savory, with an hundred more,  
Of which their Gardens yield abundant Store;  
With these they wait, and with great Patience stay  
Till Money comes, and has them all away:  
'Tis she they come to meet, and those that have  
A mind to Herbs or Roots, her Help must crave.  
If she comes not, they get no great, nor small,  
But if she comes they may command 'em all;  
When she appears, her Power they'll not withstand,  
Wheree'er she goes all yield to her Command,  
Save Death alone, he'll not her Charms obey,  
Where he appears he will not be said Nay.   

CXLI. On Country Salters.  
The Common Salters all the Summer long,  
To serve the Country with their Salt are throng;  
They travel Day and Night, no Time refrain,  
Their Horses graze in any Street or Lane.  
Their Salt to save from Rain, with Skins they hide,  
And nod and sleep as they on Horseback ride:  
Oft-times they're weary, and most sadly wet,  
And yet well pleased if Money they can get;  
Money's so precious Men no Dangers shun,  
But will for her through Fire and Water run.   

CXLII. On Oatmeal Sellers.  
The Venditors of Oatmeal round and small,  
Do diligently wait on Money's Call,  
And when she does appear, then with great Pleasure,  
Their Oatmeal is delivered out by Measure,  
As long as any in their Skeps remain,  
For she the Sellers can set up again▪  
If Money they receive, they do not care,  
They for her sake will part with all their Ware:  
Money's more worth than the best Merchandise,  
She's the dear Paramour in all men's Eyes.   

CXLIII. On Common Carriers.  
The drudging Carriers throughout the Year,  
Their loaden Horses follow in the Rear;  
In Wintertime with many Storms they meet,  
Early and late they go with cold wet Feet.  
In Summertime they're all besmeared with Sweat,  
Blinded almost with Dust, their Feet sore beat.  
But thus throughout the Year this course they run,  
In Winter froze, in Summer tanned with th' Sun,  
If for this Pains you ask the Reason why,  
It is because they Money get thereby:  
Money's the Antidote against all Distress,  
She Comfort brings unto the Comfortless.  
That Man no Toil, no Pains, no Hardship feels,  
Where Money surely follows him at th' Heels.   

CXLIV. On Public Waits.  
The Public Waits, who Liveries do own,  
And Badges of a City, or some Town;  
Who are retained in constant Yearly Pay,  
And at their Solemn Public Meetings play,  
And up and down the Streets and Town, in cold  
Dark Nights, when th' Instruments they scarce can hold;  
They play about, and tell what Hour it is,  
And Wether too, this Course they do not miss,  
Most part of Winter in the Nights; and when  
Some generous Persons come to Town, these Men,  
As soon as they're informed, do then repair  
Unto their Lodgings, play them some fine Air,  
Or brisk new Tune, such as themselves think fit,  
And which they hope with th' Gallants Fancies hit;  
Then cry God bless you, Sirs, again they play,  
Expecting Money 'ere they go away;  
For she's the Miss that in their Hearts does reign,  
No Waiting's servile thought this Miss to gain;  
All Traders, all Professions, and all Arts,  
Money to gain do all perform their Parts:  
She makes a Jubilee wherever she stays,  
Where she absconds they have but anxious Days.   

CXLV. On Vestry-keepers and Vergers.  
Both Vestry-keepers and the Vergers too,  
When Money does appear will Kindness show:  
Make room, they'll cry, and usher you along,  
March on before you through the Crowd and Throng,  
Conduct you to some Place where you may be  
From th' vulgar Press and Concourse safe and free:  
But if this Lady take them not by th' Hand,  
Amongst the common Crowd you then may stand,  
Without Respect, or any Kindness shown,  
If Money'll not appear, they'll make no room.   

CXVI. On Apple sellers.  
Sellers of Pears and Apples of all kinds,  
Their constant Stands do keep with patient Minds,  
Endure all sorts of Wether, seldom grieve,  
'Cause Money comes sometimes them to relieve,  
And now and then does call on them by th' way,  
And makes her Residence with them and stay,  
O that to them's a happy joyful Day;  
For when she's all Day frequently in sight,  
With merry Hearts they then go home at Night.   

CXLVII. On Common Criers.  
The Common Cryer walks about with's Bell,  
At certain places makes his Stand, to tell  
And publish things that he is to make known  
To Strangers, and to th' People of the Town;  
This he performs for mean and sorry Fees,  
Some Money's better far than none, he sees;  
And o'th' old Saying he does notice take,  
That many Littles do a Mickle make.  
For Money Men are willing to take pains,  
Rather than idle sit, for little Gains.   

CXLVIII. On Sextons or Bell-Ringers.  
The Sexton every Morning and each Night,  
Winter when dark, and Summer when its light,  
Enters the Church, tho' it be ne'er so cold,  
Maugre all Phantasins there, with Courage bold,  
And then at th' noted Hour does ring the Bell,  
That all the Neighbours round about may tell  
How th' Night does pass away, and Day draws on,  
That so the People may then think upon  
What Business they have then to go about;  
And thus the Sexton the whole Year throughout  
Observes his Hours, and at the Quarter Day  
Does call upon his Masters for his Pay:  
'Tis Money that he works for, that's the thing,  
That makes him Time observe, and Bell to ring;  
For if he had no Money to receive,  
He'd ring no Bell, nor no Attendance give.   

CXLIX. On Porters.  
Porters at Tavern Doors, or some Street end,  
With Pokes and Cords do constantly attend,  
To wait a Turn, or on an Errand go,  
Or Goods and Luggage carry to and fro;  
And thus from Day to Day in Heat and Cold,  
In weather wet and dry, this Course they hold:  
Labour and any Hardship they'll endure,  
So they thereby can Money but ensure;  
Money's the Pharmacotheon indeed,  
And cures Men's Grief in greatest time of need.   

CL. On the Bell-Man.  
The Bell-Man in the dead of Night walks round,  
And with a hollow Voice and doleful Sound,  
Puts you in mind then of your latter End,  
Instructions gives how you your Life should spend;  
What time o'th' Night it is he does declare:  
Then to another Place he does repair.  
And thus from Night to Night though ne'er so cold,  
In Frost and Snow his constant Course does hold;  
And all this Pains the Man does undertake  
Without complaint, for tempting Money's sake,  
For without her he knows not how to live,  
So Night by Night he will Attendance give,  
And thinks no Service nor no Pains too much  
For Money's sake, his love to her is such.   

CLI. On Chimneysweepers.  
The Chimney-Sweeper thinks it no disgrace  
For Money's sake to have his Hands and Face  
Besmeared with Soot, and nasty to the sight;  
For tho' He's all o'er Black, he cries all White:  
His filthy loathsome Clothes, and noisome smell,  
And Soot in's Eyes, he can endure full well.  
If Money comes but in he then is jolly,  
And round about does trudge with's Poles and Holly:  
He into any smutty Hole will creep,  
And nasty stuff upon himself will sweep.  
O Money, Money! for thy charming sake  
Men any Drudgery will undertake,  
Think no Employ disgraceful or un●it,  
If Money may be gained and got by it.   

CLII On Watch men.  
Nocturnal Watch men at th' appointed Hours,  
Walk round the Streets, and thump at all Men's Doors,  
Thereby to try if they're made fast and sure,  
That Men may rest from Burglaries secure:  
This Custom all Year long these Men observe,  
And tho' with Cold they're sometimes fit to starve,  
Yet of their constant Walks they do not fail,  
In bitter Storms of Rain, Frost, Snow or Hail;  
And all's for Money's sake they take this Pains,  
They'll venture Health and Life to compass Gains.  
Money's an Antidote against Grief and Sorrow,  
Who her enjoys no thought takes for to Morrow;  
She warms, she clothes, she feeds, affords Content▪  
All needful things provides, and pays Men Rent.   

CLIII. On the jakes Farmer.  
The stinking Gold-finder with his white Rod,  
In common or in private Jakes will prod,  
And take the Depth and Latitude thereof,  
Endure the Loathsomeness, and every Scoff,  
And scornful Flout his stinking Trade affords,  
And with Hands bare he'll rake in filthy—  
Abide the Smell without offence to's Nose,  
With Patience look upon his— Clothes,  
I'th' Tubs and Buckets grope with willing Mind,  
And try if he can Gold or Money find.  
O who would think Madam Pecunia had  
Such power t' inveigle Men to be so mad  
To rake in nasty— and make such stir,  
Out of fond Love and Dotage unto her.   

CLIU On Kennel Sweeper's.  
The Kennel-Sweeper with his old scratch Broom,  
Backwards and forwards sweeps where he does come,  
And in the places where he sweeps, does mind,  
If Horse-shoe Stubs, or Iron he can find,  
Or any thing he thinks will Money make,  
Which he with joyful Mind does nimbly take,  
And into's old Hat Crown the same does sling,  
Which for that purpose he about does bring;  
And thus from Street to Street he trots about,  
To seek his petty Merchandizes out,  
Which to his Chapmen he does bear away,  
Who for the same afford him current Pay.  
Then he with Joy to's Trade returns again;  
For Money's sake no Drudgery he'll refrain,  
But sweep, and scratch, and grope with his bare Hands,  
In every place where he does make his Stands.   

CLV. On Rag-Gatherers.  
Those that do seek about for Clo●ts and Rags,  
Do in Bie-places rake, that they the Bags  
And Pokes they for that purpose bring, may fill,  
And get a Stock up for the Papermill,  
And Money get to recompense their Care  
And Pains in seeking for their ragged Ware,  
And which does them whole Clothes get for to wear.  
Tho' Money's got by mean and sorry things,  
To those that can get her, she better brings.   

CLVI. On London Cries.  
We daily Cries about the Streets may hear,  
According to the Seasons of the Year:  
Some Wellfleet Oysters call, others do cry  
Fine Shelsey Cockles, or white Mussels buy;  
Great Mackrel five a Groat some cry about;  
Dainty fresh Salmon does another shout.  
Come buy my dainty Dish of great Eels says one,  
Some Soles and Flounder in another Tone.  
Have you any old Cloaks, or Coats, or Hats;  
Who buys my fresh great Smelts, or dainty Sprats.  
Butter and Eggs some cry, some Hampshire Honey,  
Others do call for Brass or broken Money:  
Box or Horn Combs, Ivory Combs, or Scissors,  
Tobacco Boxes, Knives, Razors or Twisters.  
Who buys my baked Ox-Cheek here in my Pot,  
Plump, fresh, and fat, well stewed, and piping● hot.  
Come buy my Pippins, Pearmains, and small Nuts,  
Hot spiced Gingerbread, Chestnuts, and walnuts.  
Buy a Jack-Line or a Hair-Line, cries some;  
Another with News Books and Almanacs does come:  
Died Linen for Aprons, Vinegar some cries;  
Some hot baked Wardens, others Pudding-Pies:  
French Beans and Parsley some cry, if ye mind,  
And others have you any Knives to grind.  
Buy Earthen Ware, says one; others with Bags,  
Cry up and down, Take Money for old Rags●  
Some Ropes of Onions cry about the Town,  
And others Broiling-Irons up and down.  
Hot Codlins' hot, the best that e'er you see,  
Who buys these dainty hot Codlins' of me.  
Turnips and Sandwich Carrots one Man calls:  
Green Hastings in my Cart another bawls.  
Come buy a Steel or a Tinderbox, cry some;  
Old Boots or Shoes, says one, come buy my Broom.  
Maids ha' ye any Kitchenstuff I pray:  
Buy long Thread-Laces, does another say.  
Some carry painted Clothes on little Poles,  
By which its known that such Men do catch Moles:  
Others on Clothes some painted Rats have made,  
Which notifies Rat-catching is their Trade.  
Have you any work for a Cooper here;  
Old Brass to mend then tinkles one i'th' Rear.  
Some Nettle-Chee●es cry, some Curds and Milk,  
And others Satin, Velvet, or old Silk:  
Then Ends of Gold or Silver cries a Lass;  
Another Cream or Whey, as she does pass.  
With Traps for Rats and Mice do some appear;  
Two hundred a Penny Card-Matches here.  
Ripe Cherries ripe, come buy my fair Cherries;  
Who buys my Currants or ripe Gooseberries.  
A Rubbing-Brush, a Bottle Brush, or Grater;  
Fine Sparrowgrass, then cries another Creature:  
Here's dainty Cucumbers, who buys to pickle:  
Another then with Collyflowers does stickle.  
Ripe Raspberries about does some one sing;  
Fine ripe Strawberries does another bring.  
Fresh Nettle-Tops or Elder-Buds come buy;  
Then Water-Cresses and Brooklime they cry.  
Ha' ye any old Iron here, says one;  
Another, Maids have you any Marrowbone.  
Ripe Musk-Melons or Apricocks some cry;  
Fine Sevil Oranges or Lemons buy.  
Old Chairs to mend, then cries a ragged Fellow;  
Come buy a Door-Mat, does another bellow.  
Buy a Cock or a Gelding does one come:  
Come buy my dainty singing Birds, say some:  
Some dainty ●ine Holly and Ivy says;  
Then curious Rosemary and fine Bays:  
Some Pens and Ink would sell to all they meet,  
And others Small-Cole cry about the Street.  
Pity the poor Prisoners, some with Baskets go,  
And others cry, Come see my Rara Show.  
Anon a poor Wretch crying comes behind,  
With Dog and Bell, Pray pity the poor Blind.  
Who buys the Figs and Raisins new of mine;  
Come buy my Bowl of Wheat; fine Oat-cakes ●ine▪  
Hot Mutton-Pies cries one along the Street,  
Who buys my Mutton Pies, fresh, hot, and sweet.  
Buy a Marking-Stone, one cries with smutty Face:  
Another says, Come buy my fine Bone Lace.  
Buy a Cloth or a Thrum Map, you Maids and Lasses;  
Another says, Who buys my 〈◊〉 Glasses:  
A Lattice for a Window who will buy;  
Great Faggots five for sixpence do some cry.  
Have ye any old Glass for to renew:  
Some cry Bellows to mend, or Bowls to ●ew:  
Some Silk or Ferret Ribbon for Shoestrings,  
With London Pins and Tape, and other things.  
Have ye any Corns upon your Feet or Toes:  
Buy a Fox-Tail, or a Whisk, another goes.  
Some walk about and old Silk Stockings cry;  
Some ask if Socks or Quilted-caps you'll buy.  
Money for Coney-Skins Maids if you please:  
Some cry Brickdust, others cry hot Grey-Pease:  
Some Fowl and Pullet's, and some Rabbits cry,  
And some hot Barley-broath to those pass by:  
Some Morn's and Night's new Milk cry all the Year,  
And others singing Ballads you may hear:  
And thus they troth about, and bawl each Day,  
For th' love they bear Madam Pecunia:  
For her they'll sit up late, and early rise,  
She does appear so glorious in their Eyes,  
Think all Pains well bestowed, nothing's too much,  
Their zealous Dotage to this Idol's such.  
Money's the only She all Men admire,  
Both Poor and Rich this Lady do desire:  
Who wants her company they are forlorn,  
If she's not there they're every Fellow's scorn.  
We may conclude when we've said what we can,  
'Tis Money at all times does make a Man.   

CLVII, On News-mongers.  
News mongers do themselves insinuate  
Into their Favour, who can tell the State  
And ' Fair of Things, how they are managed here,  
And how transacted and designed elsewhere:  
To their amanuensis they indite,  
Who take the Heads, and several Letters write,  
Of News at large, then to the Country send 'em,  
And to th' Employers there do recommend 'em:  
Thus Post by Post they let them understand  
Th' Intrigues a foot as well by Sea as Land;  
Money for this they Quarterly receive  
From their Employers, thus they bravely live.  
Then to th' Employers' Houses Men repair,  
And Money spend, to read News-Letters there:  
Thus both News-mongers and Employers gain  
Money on this Account, else it is plain  
No News at Home, from Foreign States, or France,  
We should receive, but rest in Ignorance:  
Money does pry into the secret things  
Of Privy-Councils, and Cabals of Kings;  
She Fairy-like, unseen creeps here and there,  
Discovers Plots tho' whispered in the Ear:  
And when the Stroke is ready for to fall,  
She shows the Clan, and disappoints them all;  
Her Charms are such, that none can them gainsay,  
She'll make a Man his Bosom Friend betray.   

CLVIII. On Country Farmers.  
The Farmer, Husbandman, and Grazier keep  
Their Cattle, Horses, Butter, Corn and Sheep,  
And several Markets try, both far and near,  
Having still Hopes to sell their Goods out dear:  
Their Cattle they will comb, and Horns will grease,  
That they may viewly look, and Chapmen please.  
Their Sacks and Pokes with well-dressed Corn they'll Face,  
When that within's ill dressed, and very base.  
A Sample of their finest Corn they'll get,  
Seldom deliver th'rest like unto it,  
For that was done to draw the Bargain on,  
They care not how the Corn's dressed, when that is done.  
Such Tricks as these they have Money to gain,  
And many more; for her they beat their Brain  
Early and late, and work, and sweat, and moil,  
Money's the only thing for which they toil;  
And when they Money get she brings relief,  
And recompenseth all their Care and Grief;  
But when they Money want, they cannot rest,  
With Grief and Care they're sadly then possessed.   

CLIX On Labouring Tradesmen.  
If you want Workmen, and they are but scant,  
Pay well, and give good Wages, you need not want  
Carpenters, Masons, Slaters, and Limeburners,  
Brick layers, Tilers, Shinglers, Joiner's, Turner's,  
Smiths, Plumbers, Glasiers, Leaders of Sand,  
Thatchers and gardiner's you may command,  
Or other Workmen; Money is their Bliss,  
They think that there no greater comfort is.  
When Mowers, Rakers, and Reapers are but few,  
Twopences advance in Wage procures enough,  
When neither Love nor Favour can procure 'em,  
Yet powerful Money sails not to secure 'em;  
For where they get best Wage, and surest Pay,  
Those Masters they will follow and obey.   

CLX. On gardiner's.  
If Standards or Wall-Trees you mean to plant,  
And with a Gardener treat for those you want,  
No sort of Fruit-Trees you can easily name,  
But he'll assure you he has some o'th' same,  
But his are of the choicest Fruit, and best  
That can be had, so Price above the rest  
Of common Gardeners he'll have for his Trees;  
And thus he wheedles you; at length agrees  
To furnish you with some of every kind,  
And so he Money gets to please his Mind;  
And that's the thing which he has in pursuit,  
And you must take your hazard of the Fruit:  
So after Patience had for some few Years,  
At length Crab sour, and mean Trash-Fruit appears;  
At which you're vexed to find the Fellow's Cheat,  
You send for him, can scarce forbear to beat  
The Man; you call him Rascal, Rogue, and Knave;  
He caps and cringes, does your Patience crave,  
To hear him speak; he did not understand  
Your Soil so well as now; there's too much Sand,  
Or Clay, or Mud, or Gravel in your Ground,  
There lies the Mischief Sir, I now have found,  
And that's the Reason why your Fruit proves nought,  
For there's no fault, I'm sure, i'th' Trees you brought,  
I have some Trees right for this Soil will prove,  
Else you shall have 'em all, Sir, for your Love.  
Thus both your Time and Money you have lost.  
And by this Cheat you're put to double Cost,  
Before he brings you Trees he knows are right,  
Although he could have done it at first sight;  
But Money was the thing the Man did covet,  
All Sciences and Trades do fond love it;  
They care not what they do for love of Gain,  
No Cheats nor Tricks for Money they'll refrain.   

CLXI. On the Country Housewife.  
The frugal Wife great Care has in her Head,  
Early she riseth, and goes late to Bed;  
She is more thrifty in her House than any,  
She'll nothing waste she thinks will raise a Penny:  
If ought be broke, or out of order set,  
She chides her Servants, and is in a fret.  
To mind her Churn, Bowls, Dishes, and Milk-Pail  
Be scoured, and washed, and scalded, she'll not fail,  
And all her Vessels kept neat, sweet, and clean,  
No sluttishness about her Milk is seen;  
She minds to keep the same both sweet and good,  
And so she does her Bread, and Drink, and Food.  
In Brewing, Baking, and in Dressing Meat,  
She's frugal, cleanly, and exceeding neat.  
Enough's a Feast, so more she will not have,  
Profuseness she's against, resolves to save;  
For she's not given to a lavish Folly;  
Better have many Meals than few and jolly.  
Her Cream into the Churn she sees poured in,  
And minds her Maids be clean when they begin  
To churn, and that they have no nasty Clout  
About them then, nor lick, nor take none out:  
She makes 'em take't clean out, when th' Butter's got,  
Then strain the Milk through Sieve into a Pot:  
Thus she saves all to th' bigness of a Nut,  
And she that does not so's a careless Slut.  
Then she does wash it clean with Water fair,  
Leaves not a Mote therein, nor the least Hair;  
Then weighs it up, and for the Market makes it,  
And there all those that know her, quickly take it.  
To th' making then of Cheese she takes great care,  
Minds that her Rennet's sweet, and Cheesemeat's fair,  
In clean Clothes put each time they go to th' Press,  
And there set straight, not slubbered in by guess:  
Her Curds when they're at height, she takes up all,  
Lest they unto the Kettle Bottom fall;  
Drowsy and sleepy most Maids are she knows,  
So she does look to th' Milking of her Cows,  
Their Paps she'll have well drawn, they must not leave,  
So long as th' Cows a Drop of Milk will give.  
Her Hogs and Calves than she will have well served,  
If to her Maids she trusts they'll be half starved,  
For th' Meat's so thin sometimes, and cold they get,  
That they'll not lay their Mouths to't, but take pet;  
Then otherwhiles they'll make't so hot indeed,  
To death they'd scald 'em if she did not heed.  
Her Turkeys, Geese, and Ducks she minds each day,  
Makes them convenient Nests when they do lay,  
And when their Nests they feather, and would sit,  
Such Number of choice Eggs she'll for them fit,  
As she thinks they can cover well, and brood,  
When they come off there's Water set and Food,  
But then she minds when from the Nest they're raised,  
They stay not too long off, lest th' Eggs be dazed.  
The Time of Hatching she knows very well,  
And then observes and helps to crack the Shell,  
If she perceives the Young ones are but weak,  
She helps them then out of the Shell to break,  
And careful is to get them brought up fit  
For th' Market, or for her own Pot or Spit.  
Her Hens to count each Night she will not fail,  
And with her Finger grope them in the Tail;  
And such as are with Egg, she does secure,  
No Eggs can then be lost, she's very sure;  
Then when her Hens do sit, she careful is,  
As for her other Fowl, there's nought amiss.  
She at the Winnowing of Corn will be,  
To have't well dressed, and no waste made will see.  
If th' Wind be high, to winnow then she's loath,  
Lest any of the Corn blow off the Cloth:  
When th' Corn is fit to measure, she takes care,  
To do't herself, or see't done when she's there.  
Into some Garner than the Corn's conveyed,  
For their own Use, or for the Market laid.  
A good Wife thus takes care of every thing,  
Which she conceives or knows will Money bring;  
Money's the Solace of her Mind and Heart,  
To compass which nought's wanting on her part.  
She toils all Day, and in her Bed contrives,  
All ways for Money, (few such careful Wives)  
Her Mind runs after that will Money bring,  
And she will Money make of any thing;  
The Say old, but much Truth doth contain,  
Unthrifty Wives waste more than Husband's gain;  
For th' Husband that would thrive, and Riches have,  
Must in such Case his Wife's Permission crave.   

CLXII. On Park Keepers.  
Keepers of Parks, not pleased with their due Fees  
And Liveries, when as their Lord ne'er sees,  
No● knows, they Opportunity then find  
To take sometimes a Buck or Do in kind,  
And them for Money sell, or else bestow  
On Friends, whose faithful Secrecy they know,  
Umbleses and Skin the Keeper than brings home,  
Does tell his Lord there's a Misfortune come;  
Taking his Range the Deer for to behold,  
He sound a Skin and Umbleses then scarce cold;  
The Print of two men's Feet was in the Place,  
And he conceives of Dogs they had a Brace.  
His Lord doth threat Severity to th' Crime,  
If he can catch the Rogues at any time;  
The Keeper at such Chances frets and grieves,  
Watches with Care, but ne'er can catch the Thiefs,  
No, no; the Thief does in his Pocket lurk,  
That th'Author is of all this knavish Work:  
Money, thou art the Thief that steals the Deer,  
The Lord his honest Keeper does not fear.  
What Mischief is there done, by Sea or Land,  
In which bewitching Money has no hand?   

CLXIII. On Footmen.  
Footmen and Boys behind a Coach do sit  
Oft-times, whenas their Masters ride in it;  
They otherwhiles run by their Master's side,  
When they in Coaches, or on Horseback ride.  
Sometimes they follow 'em, and Cloaks do carry,  
Sometimes at Doors Attendance give, and tarry  
As well in darkest Nights as in the Day,  
Till th' Master's Pleasure is to go away;  
This Life they lead; they run, they go, they wait,  
With Patience take't, because it is their Fate.  
From generous Hands they oft with Money meet,  
Which bitter Toil and Slavery makes sweet:  
There's few but they will wait, and run, and go,  
If they be sure they shall get Money so.   

CLXIV. On Post-Boys.  
Many dark Night, and cruel stormy Day,  
In Frost and Snow, and filthy dirty way  
Poor Post-Boys ride, sometimes are drowned, o● starved;  
(It's wonderful how they should be preserved!)  
This Hardship they, poor Creatures, do endure,  
Great Hazards run, some Money to procure:  
Money's the Darling-Solace of their Mind,  
And th' only chief Asylum of Mankind.   

CLXIV. On Shepherds.  
If you have such a stock and store of Sheep,  
That you a Shepherd are enforced to keep;  
Then over him you ought to take some care,  
Knavish and Roguish these Men often are.  
Not pleased with their Wage, more Gains to get,  
A Sheep or Lamb they now and then will take;  
Then show their Skins, and by some Dog they'll say,  
Chased they were, and killed but yesterday,  
Or by Misfortune sell into some Ditch,  
And so were drowned, Money does them bewitch  
To steal the Muttons, their Needs to supply,  
Then think t'excuse the Matter with a Lye.  
He that gives too much Credit, and believes  
His Servants at all times, shall make 'em Thiefs;  
Money can them seduce, and make unjust,  
Forsake their Honesty, betray their Trust.   

CLXVI. On Warrenners.  
The Nimble Warrenner for Love of Money,  
Does now and then his Lord cheat of a Coney;  
Nay many Dozen Couples he does take,  
Then great Complaints unto his Lord does make,  
That Foxes, Fowmarts, and the Birds of Prey,  
Destroy the Rabbits, carry them away,  
And some they tear, eat part, and leave the rest,  
That this is Truth, Sir, here behold the Test,  
Then shows some Bits of Skins torn for the nonce,  
But he's the Fox indeed, and this the Sconce;  
He's worse than Vermin, and the Birds of Prey,  
He carries Flesh, and Skins, and all away.   

CLXVII. On Fiddlers.  
Fiddlers do commeate from place to place,  
To Weddings, Fairs, Cock-fighting and Horse-Race,  
And such like Meetings, hoping there to find,  
Some frolic Persons to them will be kind,  
And Money give 'em, which their Hearts will cheer,  
And please as well as Music does the Ear.  
No Harmony like Money in one's Purse,  
And where she's not, no Sadness can be worse:  
Money's the Universal Anodyne,  
Of more Delight than Music far, or Wine.  
Wherever she comes, and stays, she'll Comfort bring,  
Alloy their Grief, that they with Joy can sing.   

CLXVIII. On Day-Labourers.  
If you to let a Piece of Work desire,  
The Labourer, that duly works for Hire,  
Will take't, and then will labour very sore,  
Two pence to get or Threepences, sometimes more  
Than daily Labour comes to, so the Man  
Works late and early, with all strength he can;  
And when he gets his Wage it cheers his Heart,  
With Joy to's Wife and Children he'll depart.   

CLXIX. On Common Fowlers.  
The Common Fowlers, which do make't their Trade,  
In many Caw and Plash of Water wade;  
In Hail, and Frost, and Snow, they in pursuit  
Perambulate, in hopes to find Game out,  
And all this Pains they take with willing Mind,  
Because thereby Money comes in they find,  
Which cheers their Hearts & Minds when they her get,  
Although their Hands and Feet be cold and wet;  
Let Poverty or Riches be one's Fate,  
Money's consolabund in every State.   

CLXX. On Cow-herds.  
The silly Cow-herd trots and runs about,  
Both gathers in the Cows and drives them out.  
For some small Salary the poor Man waits,  
Money, tho' little, helps him in his straits.  
Money wherever she comes does Kindness show,  
Comfort affords, pays all, or part Men owe;  
Prevails with those that fierce and cruel are,  
Where she appears, they further time will spare.   

CLXXI On Swineherds.  
The common Swineherds Course is every Morn  
To go about the Town, and wind his Horn;  
Then People let their Hogs go out at large,  
And th' Swinherd takes them all into his charge,  
And into th' Fields he drives them Day by Day,  
And there attends on them the time they stay;  
And when some signs of Rain or Storms appear,  
Unto some Ditch or Hedge he than draws near,  
And under Banks does sculk, till Night does come,  
Then's Army he draws up, and marches home:  
And thus poor Man he spends his slavish Life,  
Some Money to procure for him and 's Wife,  
And Family, and tho' it be but small  
He gets, its better far than none at all.  
A little Money brings him some Relief;  
But none at all affords him nought but Grief;  
And when his Fair's but mean, he ne'er complains,  
But shapes his Mind according to his Means.   

CLXXII. On Highwaymen and Padders.  
Some to get Money think no Pains too great,  
Others for love of her lie, swear, and cheat;  
But Highwaymen and Padders for her sake,  
Venture their All, and set their Lives at Stake:  
And whether they by Horse or Foot do rob,  
Perchance those they assault may do their Jobb:  
But if they're neither slain, nor sometimes banged,  
Yet if they're seized, they'll surely then be hanged.  
And tho' beforehand their hard Fate they know,  
Yet they for Madam Money's sake do show  
Such true Philargery they value not  
Her to obtain, if they're killed on the Spot:  
And few of them, tho' long time they have passed,  
But they are either killed or hanged at last.  
Money is sure a Witch, that can entice  
Fond Men to run just headlong into Vice,  
And desperately to act and perpetrate  
A Wickedness attended with such Fate,  
Besides the Sin, does recompense their Pains  
With hanging, sometimes gibbetted in Chains.   

CLXXIII. On Clippers and Coiners.  
The love of Money is so prevalent,  
Some Men and Women are so fully bend  
In quest of it, that they will undertake  
To spoil the current Coin for Lucre's sake,  
Clip, round, or wash, diminish or impair,  
Or falsify, all which Offences are  
Treason by Law, and such as are descried,  
And guilty thereof found when they are tried,  
Must suffer Death, with scandal and disgrace;  
On Sleds the Men are drawn unto the place  
Where they their ignominious Exit make,  
And women's Doom is burning at a Stake.  
Money such Persons surely does enchant  
Whose Minds and Thoughts these Terrors do not daunt:  
Her Charms are wonderful, that can require  
Men to be hanged, Women to burn i'th' Fire.   

CLXXIV. On Common Strumpets.  
The lewd debauched Mercenary Miss,  
For Money'ssake will any Fellow kiss;  
Lying, sitting, standing, what way you will,  
She'll yield your lustful Humour to fulfil:  
For Money's sake she shames not to be seen  
In all the Postures showed by Aritene:  
In Private or in Public, what cares she,  
If all the Town be standing by and see.  
The common Jilt in Cash takes more delight,  
Than in the lustful Carnal Appetite:  
'Tis Money not the Man she does adore,  
Money's the cause she turns a common Whore,  
And prostitutes herself at any time,  
Brute like, and has no sense of any Crime.   

CLXXV. On Miners.  
Miners that work below within the Ground,  
For Coals, Led, Tin, or Iron, oft are found  
Crushed by the falling in of Earth to Death,  
Or Sulphurous Damps do rise, and stop their Breath.  
The love of Money tempts them thus to venture,  
For therein does their chiefest Comfort centre:  
It's their Alexicacon, and no Evil,  
They fear, if Money's got, no not the Devil;  
Money, poor Souls, they do so highly prize,  
To compass her, all Dangers they despise.  
Into th' Abyss or darkest Pit they'll sink,  
Midst noisome Vapours down even to Hell's Brink;  
Adventure Life and Limbs, and all that's dear,  
For Money'ssake banish all panic fear.  
Men boldly undertake, and fearless are,  
In things where Money falls unto their share;  
The love whereof in some does so excel,  
That for her sake they'll headlong run to Hell.   

CLXXVI. The Conclusion.  
Now Muse farewel, for both to Age and Youth,  
In these thy Bluntisms thou hast told much truth.  
Critics will mock, and scornfully will smile,  
Thy Verse appears in such a vulgar Style;  
'Tis Ballad-Rhime, not Verse thou canst profess,  
But Truth appears best in a homely Dress.  
If to th' Ingenious thou hadst only writ,  
In high and lofty Strains thou must have sit  
Thy Verse, their acquaint nice Fancies to have hit.  
To th' Mob as well as th' Learned thou dost declare,  
So thou speaks home and plain to every Ear.  
Thou dost not mince, extenuate, or gloze,  
But bare naked Truth thou plainly dost disclose;  
And tho' in general Terms thou hast set forth  
The same, yet there are some of greater worth  
And Virtue, that above Temptation are,  
Whom neither Gold nor Silver can ensnare  
A dirty or unlawful thing to act,  
Or their Allegiance suffer to be cracked:  
And so no general Rule there is but hath  
Exception to it, as th' old Proverb saith:  
But thou hast fairly thrown each one their Lot,  
Some thou perhaps has humoured, and some not.  
For some will laugh, some fret, and some deride  
At that which thou to them hast here applied:  
But in this Case thou safely mayst conclude,  
That none e'er yet could please the Multitude.   

CLXXVII. The Epilogue.  
My Muse is tired, so has no more to say,  
But that Pecuniae obediunt omnia.   
FINIS.   

A Lenten Litany. Composed for a Confiding Brother, for the Benefit and Edification of the Faithful Ones.  

FRom Villainy dressed in the Doublet of Zeal,  
From three Kingdoms baked in one Common-weal,  
From a gleek of Lord Keepers of one poor Seal,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From a Chancery-Writ, and a Whip and a Bell,  
From a Justice of Peace that never could spell,  
From Colonel P. and the Vicar of Hell,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From Neat's Feet without Socks, and threepenny Pies,  
From a new sprung light that will put out ones Eyes,  
From Goldsmiths-Hall, the Devil and Excise,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From two hou●s Talk without one Word of Sense,  
From Liberty still in the Future-Tense,  
From a Parliament long-wasted Conscience,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From a Coppid Crown Tenent pricked up by a Brother,  
From damnable Members and Fits of the Mother,  
From Ears like Oysters that grin at each other,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From a Preacher in Buff, and a Quarterstaff Steeple,  
From th' unlimited Sovereign Power of the People;  
From a Kingdom that crawls on its Knees like a Cripple,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From a Vinegar Priest on a Crabtree Stock,  
From a Foddering of Prayer four Hours by the Clock,  
From a Holy Sister with a pitiful Smock,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From a hunger-starved Sequestrator's Maw,  
From Revelations and Visions that never Man saw,  
From Religion without either Gospel or Law,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From the Nick and Froth of a Penny-Pot-House,  
From the Fiddle and Cross, and a great Scotch Louse,  
From Committees that chop up a Man like a Mouse,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From broken Shins, and the Blood of a Martyr,  
From the Titles of Lords, and Knights of the Garter,  
From the Teeth of Mad-Dogs, and a Country-man's Quarter,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From the Public Faith, and an Egg and Butter,  
From the Irish Purchases, and all their Clutter,  
From Omega's Nose, when he settles to sputter,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From the Zeal of old Harry locked up with a Whore,  
From waiting with Plaints at the Parliament-Door,  
From the Death of a King without Why or Wherefore,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From the French Disease, and the Puritan Fry,  
From such as ne'er Swear, but devoutly can Lie,  
From cutting of Capers full three Story high,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From painted Glass and Idolatrous Cringes,  
From a Presbyter's Oath that turns upon Hinges,  
From Westminster jews with Levitical Fringes,  
Libera nos, etc.   

From all that is said, and a thousand times more,  
From a Saint and his Charity to the Poor,  
From the Plagues that are kept for a Rebel in store,  
Libera nos, etc.   

The Second Part.  
THat if it please thee to assist  
Our Agitators and their List,  
And Hemp them with a gentle Twist,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to suppose  
Our Actions are as good as those  
That gull the People through the Nose,  
Quaesumus te, &c   

That it may please thee here to enter,  
And fix the rumbling of our Centre,  
For we live all at Peradventure,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to unite  
The Flesh and Bones unto the Spirit,  
Else Faith and Literature good night,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee O that we  
May each Man know his Pedigree,  
And save that Plague of Heraldry,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee in each Shire,  
Cities of Refuge Lord to rear,  
That failing Brethren may know where,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to abhor us;  
Or any such dear favour for us,  
That thus hath wrought thy People's Sorrows,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to embrace  
Our days of thanks and fasting face,  
For robbing of thy Holy place,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to adjourn  
The Day of Judgement, lest we burn,  
For lo! It is not for our turn,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to admit  
A Close Committee there to sit,  
No Devil to a human Wit!  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to dispense  
A little for convenience,  
Or let us play upon the sense,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee to embalm  
The Saints in Robin Wisdom's Psalm,  
And make them musical and calm,  
Quaesumus te, etc.   

That it may please thee since 'tis doubt  
Satan cannot throw Satan out,  
Unite us and the High-land rout,  
Quaesumus te, etc.    

A satire on the Modern Translators.  

Odi imitatores servum pecus, etc.  By Mr. P— r. 
SInce the united cunning of the Stage,  
Has balked the hireling Drudges of the Age:  
Since Betterton of late so thrifty's grown,  
Revives old Plays, or wisely acts his own:  
Thumbed Rider with a Catalogue of Rhimes,  
Makes the compleatest Poet of our Times:  
Those who with nine months' toil had spoiled a Play,  
In hopes of eating at a full Third Day,  
Justly despairing longer to sustain  
A craving Stomach from an empty Brain,  
Have left Stage-practice, changed their old Vocations,  
Atoning for bad Plays, with worse Translations;  
And like old Sternhold, with laborious spite,  
Burlesque what nobler Muses better write:  
Thus while they for their causes only seem  
To change the Channel, they corrupt the Stream.  
So breaking Vintners to increase their Wine,  
With nauseous Drugs debauch the generous Vine:  
So barren Gipsies for recruit are said,  
With Stranger's Issue to maintain the Trade;  
But lest the fair Bantling should be known,  
A daubing Walnut makes him all their own.   

In the head of this Gang too john Dryden appears,  
But to save the Town Censure and lessen his Fears,  
Joined with a Spark whose Title makes me civil,  
For Scandalum Magnatum is the Devil:  
Such mighty Thoughts from Ovid's Letters flow,  
That the Translation is a Work for two;  
Who in one Copy joined their Shame have shown,  
Since T— e could spoil so many tho' alone:  
My Lord I thought so generous would prove,  
To scorn a Rival in affairs of Love:  
But well he knew his teeming Pangs were vain,  
Till Midwife Dryden eased his labouring Brain;  
And that when part of Hudibras' Horse  
Jogged on, the other would not hang an Arse;  
So when fleet jowler hears the joyful hollow,  
He drags his sluggish Mate, and Tray must follow.  
But how could this learned Brace employ their time?  
One construed sure, while th'other pumped for Rhyme:  
Or it with these, as once at Rome, succeeds,  
The Bibulus subscribes to Caesar's Deeds:  
This▪ from his Partner's acts ensures his Name,  
Oh sacred thirst of everlasting Fame!  
That could defile those well cut Nails with Ink,  
And make his Honour condescend to think:  
But what Excuse, what Preface can atone,  
For Crimes which guilty Bays has singly done?  
Bays, whose Rose-Alley Ambuscade enjoined,  
To be to Vices which he practised kind,  
And brought the Venom of a spiteful satire,  
To the safe innocence of a dull Translator.  
Bays, who by all the Club was thought most fit  
To violate the Mantuan Prophet's Wit,  
And more debauch what loose Lucretius writ.  
When I behold the Rovings of his Muse,  
How soon Assyrian Ointments she would lose  
For Diamond Buckles sparkling at their Shoes.  
When Virgil's height is lost, when Ovid soars,  
And in Heroics Canace deplores  
Her Follies louder than her Father roars,  
I'd let him take Almanzor for his Theme;  
In lofty Verses make Maximin Blaspheme,  
Or sing in softer Airs St. Katharine's Dream.  
Nay, I could hear him damn last Age's Wit,  
And rail at Excellence he ne'er can hit;  
His Envy should at powerful Cowley rage,  
And banish Sense with johnson from the Stage:  
His Sacrilege should plunder Shakespear's Urn,  
With a dull Prologue make the Ghost return  
To bear a second Death, and greater Pain,  
While the Fiend's Words the Oracle profane;  
But when not satisfied with Spoils at home,  
The Pirate would to foreign Borders roam;  
May he still split on some unlucky Coast,  
And have his Works or Dictionary lost;  
That he may know what Roman Authors mean,  
No more than does our blind Translatress Behn.   

The Female Wit; who next convicted stands,  
Not for abusing Ovid's Verse but Sand's:  
She might have learned from the ill-borrowed Grace,  
(Which little helps the ruin of her Face)  
That Wit, like Beauty, triumphs o'er the Heart,  
When more of Nature's seen, and less of Art:  
Nor strive in Ovid's Letters to have shown,  
As much of Skill, as Lewdness in her own:  
Then let her from the next inconstant Lover,  
Take a new Copy for a second Rover:  
Describe the cunning of a jilting Whore,  
From the ill Arts herself has used before;  
Thus let her write, but paraphrase no more.   

R—er to Crambo privilege does claim,  
Not from the Poet's Genius, but his Name;  
Which Providence in contradiction meant,  
Tho' he Predestination could prevent,  
And with bold dulness translate Heaven's intent.  
Rash Man! we paid thee Adoration due,  
That ancient Critics were excelled by you:  
Each little Wit to your Tribunal came,  
To hear their Doom, and to secure their Fame:  
But for Respect you servilely sought Praise,  
Slighted the Umpire's Palm to court the Poet's Bays;  
While wise Reflections, and a grave Discourse,  
Declined to Zounds a River for a Horse.  
So discontented Pemberton withdrew,  
From sleeping Judges to the noisy Crew;  
Changed awful Ermine for a servile Gown,  
And to an humble Fawning smoothed his Frown:  
The Simile will differ here indeed;  
You cannot versify, tho' he can plead.   

To painful Creech my last Advice descends,  
That he and Learning would at length be friends;  
That he'd command his dreadful Forces home,  
Not be a second Hannibal to Rome.  
But since no Counsel his Resolves can bow;  
Nor may thy Fate, O Rome, resist his Vow;  
Debarred from Pens as Lunatics from Swords,  
He should be kept from waging War with Words.  
Words which at first like Atoms did advance  
To the just measure of a tuneful Dance,  
And jumped to form, as did his Worlds, by chance.  
This pleased the Genius of the vicious Town,  
The Wits confirmed his Labours with renown,  
And swear the early Atheist for their own.  
Had he stopped here— but ruined by success,  
With a new Spawn he filled the burdened Press,  
Till, as his Volumes swelled, his Fame grew less.  
So Merchants flattered with increasing Gain,  
Still tempt the falsehood of the doubtful Main;  
So the first running of the lucky Dice,  
Does eager Bully to new Bers entice;  
Till Fortune urges him to be undone,  
And Ames-Ace loses what kind Six won.  
Witness this Truth Lucretia's wretched Fate,  
Which better have I heard my Nurse relate;  
The Matron suffers Violence again,  
Not Tarquin's Lust so vile as Creech's Pen;  
Witness those Heaps his Midnight Studies raise,  
Hoping to rival Ogilby in Praise:  
Both writ so much, so ill, a doubt might rise,  
Which with most Justice might deserve the Prize;  
Had not the first the Town with Cuts appeased,  
And where the Poem failed, the Picture pleased.   

Wits of a meaner Rank I would rehearse,  
But will not plague your Patience nor my Verse:  
In long Oblivion may they happy lie,  
And with their Writings may their Folly die.  
Now why should we poor Ovid yet pursue,  
And make his very Book an Exile too,  
In Words more barbarous than the place he knew?  
If Virgil laboured not to be translated,  
Why suffers he the only thing he hated?  
Had he foreseen some ill officious Tongue,  
Would in unequal Strains blaspheme his Song;  
Nor Prayers, nor Force, nor Fame should e'er prevent  
The just Performance of his wise Intent:  
Smiling he'ad seen his martyred Work expire,  
Nor live to feel more cruel Foes than Fire.   

Some Fop in Preface may those Thefts excuse,  
That Virgil was the draught of Homer's Muse:  
That Horace by Pindar's Lyre was strung,  
By the great Image of whose Voice he sung;  
They found the Mass, 'tis true, but in their Mould  
They purged the drosly Oar to current Gold:  
Mending their Pattern, they escaped the Curse,  
Yet had they not writ better, they'd writ worse.  
But when we bind the Lyric up to Rhyme,  
And lose the Sense to make the Poem chime:  
When from their Flocks we force Sicilian Swains,  
To ravish Milkmaids in our English Plains;  
And wand'ring Authors, e'er they touch our Shore,  
Must, like our Locust Hugonots, be poor;  
I'd bid th' importing Club their pains forbear,  
And traffic in our own, tho' homely Ware,  
Whilst from themselves the honest Vermin spin,  
I'd like the Texture, tho' the Web be thin;  
Nay, take Crown's Plays, because his own, for wit;  
And praise what D'urfey, not translating, writ.    

On Women.  

I. Why Women were made.  
WOman in the Beginning (as 'tis said)  
To be an help to Man was chiefly made:  
Then ought not Women much to be commended,  
Who answer th' end for which they were intended?  
Women were made to help Men, so they do,  
Some unto Sorrow, Grief, Diseases too;  
Others do their kind Husbands help to spend  
Their whole Estates; thus answer they their End.  
Some help Men unto more than they were born  
To have, (I mean) Acteon's Head and Horn.   

II. Of what Woman was made.  
Crooked conditioned Nature made her, when  
She formed her of the crookedst Parts in Men:  
Nature first framed her of a Man's Rib, she  
Then can't choose but a cross-grained Creature be.  
And ever since (it may not be denied)  
Poor Man hath subject been t' a Stitch i'th' Side.  
Yet some there are, who in a grateful Mind,  
Would fondly rib their Husbands, could they find  
A good tough Cudgel, and make this their Answer,  
They but restore what Eve stole from their Grandsire:  
And 'tis a Reason too (as't hath been tried)  
A bad Wife sits so close t'her Husband's Side.   

III. What they committed so soon as they were made.  
No sooner made, but she runs into all  
Mischief herself, then causeth Man to fall:  
And now that Judgement on their Sex is doubled,  
They're with a twofold Falling-Sickness troubled.   

IV. To what they are now likened.  
Women in Love and Lust compared be  
Unto a Pumice-Stone, for that we see  
Is full of Holes; so they when once in Love,  
Most hollow-hearted to their Servants prove;  
In Love they like it are, 'cause they dissemble,  
But when they Lust most, they it most resemble.  
Play with a lustful Girl, and you shall see  
How like unto the Pumice-Stone she'll be,  
Which way so e'er you do her troul,  
You'll find against you still an open Hole.    

CHARACTER OF A Certain Ugly Old P—  
— Deformem & tetrum ante omnia Vultum,  
Dissimilemque sui, deformem pro cute pellem,  
Pendentesque genas, ac tales aspice rugas,  
Quales, umbriferos ubi pandit Tabraca saltus,  
In vetula scalpit jam mater simia bucca, etc.  Juven. Sat. 10. 
Assist ye nasty Powers  
To describe him throughout,  
I'll dip my Pen in T—  
And write upon a shitten Clout.  Tartaret. de modo Cacandi, p. 9 
NO Wonder if I am at a Loss to describe him, whom Nature was as much puzzled to make. 'Tis here as in Painting, where the most misshapen Figures are the greatest Proofs of Skill. To draw a Thersites or Aesop well, requires the Pencil of Vandike or Titian, more than the best Features and Lineaments. All the Thoughts I can frame of him are as rude and indigested as himself. The very Idea and Conception of him are enough to cramp Grammar, to disturb Sense, and confound Syntax. He's a Solecism in the great Construction, therefore the best Description of him is Nonsense, and the fittest Character to write it in, that Pot-hook-hand the Devil used at Oxford in Queen's-College-Library. He were Topick enough for convincing an Atheist that the World was made by Chance. The first Matter had more of Form and Order, the Chaos more of Symmetry and Proportion. I could call him Nature's By-blow, Miscarriage and Abortive, or say, he is her Embryo slinked before Maturity; but that is stale and flat, and I must fly a higher Pitch to reach his Deformity. He is the ugliest she ever took Pains to make so, and Age to make worse. All the Monsters of Africa lie kenneled in his single Skin. He's one of the Grotesques of the Universe, whom the grand Artist drew only (as Painters do uncouth ugly Shapes) to ●ill up the empty Spaces and Cantons of this great Frame. He's Man anagrammatized: A Mandrake has more of Humane Shape: His Face carries Libel and Lampoon in't: Nature at its Composition wrote Burlesque, and showed him how far she could outdo Art in Grimace. I wonder 'tis not hired by the Playhouses to draw antic Vizards by. Without doubt he was made to be laughed at, and designed for the Scaramuchio of Mankind. When I see him, I can no more forbear than at sight of a Zany or Nokes; but am like to run the Risque of the Philosopher, looking on an Ass mumbling Thistles. He's more ill-favoured than the Picture of Winter drawn by a Fellow that dawbs Sign-Posts, more lowering than the last Day of january. I have seen a handsomer Mortal carved in Monumental Gingerbread, and woven in Hangings at Mortlock. If you have ever viewed that wooden Gentleman that peeps out of a Country Barber's Window, you may fancy some Resemblance of him. His damned squeezing Close-stool-Face can be likened to nothing better than the Buttocks of an old wrinkled Baboon, straining upon an Hillock. The very Sight of him in a Morning would work with one beyond jalap and Rhubarb. A Doctor (I'm told) once prescribed him to one of his Parishioners for a Purge: He wrought the Effect, and gave the Patient fourteen Stools. 'Tis pity he is not drawn at the City Charges, and hung up in some public Fori●a, as a Remedy against Costiveness.  
Indeed by his Hue you might think he had been employed to that use: One would take him for the Picture of Scoggin or Tarleton on a Privy-house Door, which by long standing there has contracted the Colour of the neighbouring Excrements. Reading lately how Garagantua came into the World at his Mother's Ear, it put an unlucky Thought into my Head concerning him: I presently fancied that he was voided, not brought forth; that his Dam was delivered of him on t'other side, beshit him coming out, and he has ever since retained the Stains. His filthy Countenance looks like an old Chimney-piece in a decayed Inn, sullied with Smoke, and the sprinkling of Ale-pots. 'Tis dirtier than an ancient thumbed Record, greasier than a Chandler's Shop-Book. You'd imagine Snails had crawled the Hay upon it. The Case of it is perfect velum, and has often been mistaken for it: A S●riv●ner was like to cheapen it for making Indentures and Deeds: Besides 'tis as wrinkled as a walking Buskin: It has more Furrows than all Cotsall. You may resemble it to a Gammon of Bacon with the Sword off. I believe the Devil travels over it in his Sleep with Hobnails in his Shoes. By the Maggot-eaten Surface, you'd swear he had been dug out of his Grave again with all his Worms about him to bait Eel-Hooks. But enough of it in General, I think it time to descend to Particulars; I wish I could divide his Face, as he does his Text; i. e. tear it asunder: 'Tis fit I begin with the most remarkable part of it. His Mouth (saving your presence Christian Readers) is like the Devil's Arse of Peak, and is just as large. By the Scent you'd take it for the Hole of a Privy: He may be wound by a good Nose at twelvescore; I durst have ventured at first being in Company, that he dieted on Assa-foetida. His very Discourse stinks in a Literal sense; 'tis breaking-Wind, and you'd think he talked at the other End. Last New-years-day he tainted a Loin of Veal with saying Grace: All the Guests were fain to use the Fanatical Posture in their own Defence, and stand with their Caps over their Eyes like Malefactors going to be turned off. That too that renders it the more unsupportable is that it can't be stopped: The Breach is too big ever to be closed. Were he a Milliner, he might measure Ribbon by it without the help of his Yard or Counter. It reaches so far backwards, those that have seen him with his Peruke off, say it may be discerned behind. When he gapes, 'twould stretch the Duchess of Cl— to straddle over: I had almost said 'tis as wide as from Dover to Calais. Could he shut it, the Wrinkles round about would represent the Form of the Seamens Compass, and should he bluster, 'twere a pretty Emblem of those swelling Mouths at the Corners of Maps, puffing out Storms. When he Smokes, I am always thinking of Mongibel and its Eruptions. His Head looks exactly like a Devise on a Kitchen Chimney; his Mouth the Vent, and his Nose the Fane. And now I talk of his Snout, I dare not mention the Elephant's for fear of speaking too little: I'd make bold with the old Wit, and compare it to the Gnomon of a Dial; but that he has not Teeth enough to stand for the twelve Hours. 'Tis so long that when he rides a journey, he makes use of it to open Gates. He's fain to snite it with both Hands. It cannot be wiped under as much as the Royal Breech. A Man of ordinary Bulk might find shelter under its Eves, were it not for the Droppings. One protested to me in Raillery, that when he looks against the Sun, it shadows his whole Body, as some story of the Sciopodes Feet. Another Hyberbolical Rascal would make me believe, that the Arches of it are as large as any two of London-Bridge, or the great Rialto at Venice. Not long a-go I met a one-leged Tarpawlin that had been begging at his Door, but could get nothing: The witty Whoreson (I remember) swore that his Bow-sprit was as long as that of the Royal Sovereign. I confess, stood he in my way, I durst not venture round by his Foreside, for fear of going half a Mile about. 'Tis perfectly doubling the Cape: He has this Privilege for being unmannerly, that it will not suffer him to put off his Hat: And therefore ('tis said) at home he has a Cord fastened to it, and draws it off with a Poultry, and so receives the Addresses of those that visit him. This I'm very confident, he has not heard himself sneeze these seven Years: And that leads me to his Tools of Hearing: His Ears resemble those of a Country Justice's Black jack, and are of the same Matter, Hue, and Size: He's as well hung as any Hound in the Country; but by their Bulk and growing upward, he deserves to be ranked with the graver sort of Beasts: His single self might have shown with Smeck and all the Club Divines. You may pair enough from the sides of his Head to have furnished a whole Regiment of Roundheads: He wears more there than all the Pillories in England ever have done. Mandevile tells us of a People somewhere, that use their Ears for Cushions: He has reduced the Legend to Probability. A Servant of his (that could not conceal the Midas) told me lately in private, that going to Bed he binds them on his Crown, and they serve him instead of Quilt Nightcaps. The next observable that falls under my Consideration is his Back: Nor need I go far out of my way to meet it, for it peeps over his Shoulders: He was built with a Buttress to support the weight of his Nose, and help balance it. Nature hung on him a Knapsack, and made him represent both Tinker and Budget too. He looks like the visible Tie of Aeneas bolstering up his Father, or like a Beggar-Woman endorsed with her whole Litter, and with Child behind. You may take him for Anti-Christopher with the Devil at his Back. I believe the Atlas in Wadham Garden at Oxford was carved by him. Certainly he was begot in a Cupping-Glass: His Mother longed for Pumpions, or went to see some Camel shown while she was conceiving him. One would think a Mole has crept into his Carease before 'tis laid in the Churchyard, and Rooted in it, or that an Earthquake had disordered the Symmetry of the Microcosm, sunk one Mountain and put up another, And now I should descend lower, if I durst venture: But I'll not defile my Pen: My Ink is too cleanly for a farther Description. I must beg my Reader's Distance, as if I were going to Untruss. Should I mention what is beneath, the very jakes would suffer by the Comparison, and 'twere enough to bring a Boghouse in Disgrace. Indeed he ought to have been drawn, like the good People on the Parliament-house, only from the Shoulders upwards. To me 'tis a greater Prodigy than himself, how his Soul has so long endured so nasty a Lodging. Were there such a thing as a Metempsychosis, how gladly would it exchange its Carcase for that of the worst and vilest Brute: I'm sufficiently persuaded against the Whim of Preexistence; for any thing that had the Pretence of Reason would never have entered such a Durance of Choice: Doubtless it must have been guilty of some unheard of Sin, for which Heaven dooms it Penance in the present Body, and ordains its first Hell here. And 'tis disputable which may prove the worst, for't has suffered half an Eternity already. Men can hardly tell which of the two will outlive the other. By his Face you'd guests him one of the Patriarches, and that he lived before the Flood: His Head looks as if it had worn out three or four Bodies, and were Legacied to him by his Great-Grand-father. His Age is out of Knowledge, I believe he was born before Registers were invented. He should have been a Ghost in Queen Mary's Days. I wonder Holinshed does not speak of him. Every Limb about him is Chronicle: Par and john of the Times were short-Livers unto him. They say he can remember when Paul's was founded, and London-Bridge built. I myself have heard him tell all the Stories of York and Lancaster upon his own Knowledge. His very Cane and Spectacles are enough to set up an Antiquary. The first was the Walking-staff of Lanfranc Archbishop of Canterbury, which is to be seen by his Arms upon the Head of it: The other belonged to the Chaplain of William the Conqueror; was of Norman make, and travelled over with him. 'Tis strange the late Author of M. Fickle forgot to make his Sir Arthur Oldlove swear by them, the Oath had been of as good Antiquity as St. Austin's Nightcap, or Mahomet's Threshold. I have often wondered he never set up for a Conjurer: His very Look would bring him in Vogue, draw Custom, and undo Lily and Gadbury. You'd take him for the Ghost of old Haly or Albumazar, or the Spirit Friar in the Fortune Book, his Head for the enchanted Brazen one of Friar Bacon. 'Twou'd pose a good Physiognomist to give Names to the Lines in his Face. I've observed all the Figures and Diagrams in Agrippa and Ptolomy's Centiloquys there upon strict view. And t'other Day a Linguist of my Acquaintance showed me all the Arabic Alphabet betwixt his Brow and Chin. Some have admired how he came to be admitted into Orders, since his very Face is against the Canon: I guess he pleaded the Qualification of the Prophets of Old, to be withered, toothless, and deformed. He can pretend to be an Elisha only by his Baldness. The Devils Oracles heretofore were uttered from such a Mouth. 'Twas then the Candidates for the Tripus were fain to plead Wrinkles and Grey Hairs; a splay-mouth and a goggle-eye were the cheapest Simony, and the ugly and crippled were the only Men of Preferment. And this leads me to consider him a little in the Pulpit. And there 'tis hard to distinguish whether that or his Skin be the courser Wainscot. He represents a cracked Weatherglass in a Frame. You'd take him by his Looks and Posture for Muggleton doing Pennance, and paulted with rotten Eggs. Had his Hearers the trick of writing shorthand, I should fancy him an Offender upon a Scaffold, and them penning his Confession. Not a fluxed Debauch in a sweeting Tub makes worse Faces. He makes Doctrine as Folks do their Water in the Stone or Strangury. Balaam's Ass was a better Divine, and had a better Delivery. The Thorn at Glastonbury had more Sense and Religion, and would make more Converts. He speaks not, but grunts, like one of the Gadarene Hogs after the Devils entered 'em. When I came first to his Church, and saw him perched on high against a Pillar, I took him by his gaping for some juggler going to swallow Bibles and Hour-Glasses. But I was soon convinced that other Feats were to be played, and on a sudden lost all my Senses in Noise. A Drunken Huntsman reeling in while he was at Prayer, asked if he were giving his Parishioners a Hollow: He has preached half his Parish deaf: His Din is beyond the Catadupi of Nile. All his Patron's Pigeon are frighted from their Apartment, and he's generally believed the Occasion. He may be heard farther than Sir Samuel Moorland's Flagelet. Nay one damned mad Rogue swore, Should he take a Text concerning the Resurrection, he might serve for the last Trumpet. And yet in one Respect he's fitted for the Function; his Countenance, if not Doctrine, can scare Men into Repentance, like an Apparition. Should he walk after he's dead, he would not be more dreadful than now while he is alive.  
A Maid meeting him in the Dark in a Churchyard, was frighted into Phanaticism. Another is in Bedlam upon the same Occasion. I dare not approach him without an Exorcism. In the Name, etc. is the fittest Salutation: Some have thought the Parsonage-House haunted since he dwelled there. In Yorkshire ('tis reported) they make use of his Name instead of Rawhead and Bloody-bones, to fright Children. He is more terrible than those Phantoms Country Folks tell of by the Fire side, and pretend to have seen, with leathern Wings, cloven Feet, and saucer Eyes. If he go to Hell (as 'tis almost an Article of my Creed he will) the Devils will quake for all their warm Dwelling, and crowd up into a Nook for fear of him.   

THE TABLE.  
Note, That the Figures refer to the Sections, and not to the Number of the Pages.  


A.  AGents to Regiments 
46  Alehouse-keepers 
100  Apple-Sellers 
146  Apothecaries 
92  Apprentices 
123  Arms Painters 
80  Astrologers and Nativity-Casters 
36  Attorneys and Solicitors 
15    


B.  Badgers 
120  Bakers 
121  Barbers 
73  Bargemen 
91  Basket-makers and Sievers 
138  Bailiffs 
28  Bellmen 
150  Booksellers 
85  Petty Booksellers 
114  Bowl-sellers 
116  Bread-sellers in Markets, etc. 
137  Brewers 
71  Brick-makers 
135  Butchers 
76  Butter-Factors 
106  Butter-Searchers 
107  Bowle-sewers or Cranmers 
139    


C.  Cabinet-makers 
97  Cake-sellers 
137  Carpenters 
78  City Carmen 
128  Common Carrier's 
143  Carters 
130  Petty Chapmen 
132  Chief-Constables 
48  Chimney sweepers 
151  Clerks of the Crown and of the Peace 
13  Clerks of Assize 
14  Clerks to justices of the Peace, 
42  Domestic Chaplains 
17  Coach-makers 
117  Hackney-Coachmen 
127  Common Colliers 
129  Clippers and Coiners 
173  The Conclusion 
176  Conservators of Rivers 
39  Constables 
58  Church wardens, Surveyors, etc. 
55  Corn merchants and Malsters 
108  Travelling Cooper's 
115  Cowherds 
170  Common Criers 
147  Custom-Officers 
30  The Court of Chancery 
7    


D.  Dancing-Masters 
60  Divines 
9  Doctors of Physic 
57  Druggist's 
93  Dyers 
70    


E.  Excise-Officers 
32    


F.  Farriers 
86  Fencing-Masters 
59  Ferry men 
90  Fiddlers 
167  Fish-drivers 
136  Country-farmers' 
158  Fisher men 
124  Foot-Courses and Horseraces 
43  Footmen 
163  Common-Fowlers 
169  Friendship and Acquaintance 
52    


G.  Gamesters and Gaming 
44  gardiner's 
160  Travelling Glass men 
96  Country Glover's 
94  Goldsmiths 
66  Grocers 
65    


H.  Haberdasher's 
68  Hard ware-men 
113  Herb and Root-sellers 
140  Highwaymen and Padders 
172  Higlers 
133  Horse-Iockeys 
119  Ostlers 
126  Country Housewives 
161    


I.  jack of all Trades 
98  jakes Farmer 
153  Common Informers 
37  Innkeepers 
81  jailors 
29  jobbers of Cattle 
109  Wicked judges 
10  justices of the Peace 
12    


K.  Kennel-Rakers or Sweeper's 
154    


L.  Day Labourers 
168  Land Officers 
21  Lawyers 
11  The Longevity of Money's Regency 
1  Linen Weavers 
83  London Cries 
156  Griping Landlords 
38  Young Lasses 
41    


M.  Meal men 
122  Old Men 
50  Mercers and Drapers 
69  Merchants 
63  Messengers 
35  Milliners 
101  Millers 
117  Miners 
175  Mint-men 
110  Money's Power in general, 
3  Money'sRegency in Universities, etc. 
6  Money's predominancy in all Courts, 
8  Oppressing Mortgag●es 
47  Mountebanks 
61  Money's Restraint of Currency 
2    


N.  Newsmongers 
157  Nonconformists 
18  Necessitous Persons and Misers 
51    


O.  Oatmeal-sellers in Markets 
142    


P.  Park-keepers 
162  Parliamentary Elections 
4  Paviours 
87  Scotch Pedlars 
105  Hawking Pedlars, 
112  Persons in high and honorary Employments 
5  Pewterers and Braziers 
72  Porters, 
149  Post-Boys 
164  Travelling Potters 
134  Players 
49  Printers 
102  Privateers 
23    


Q.  Quakers 
20  Quarrels and Differences 
54    


R.  Rag-gatherers 
155  Country Rope-makers 
131  Romish Priests 
19    


S.  Sadlers 
77  Salesmen 
(104)  Country Salters 
141  Sea Officers 
22  Seal-keepers to Sheriffs 
27  Seamen and Land-Soldiers 
45  Seamstresses 
103  Sergeants at Arms, etc. 
31  Schoolmasters 
56  Scotch Pedlars 
105  Sextons or Bellringers 
148  Skippers or Masters of Ships 
24  Spiritual Court-men 
16  Shoemakers 
79  Stewards 
33  Shepherds 
160  Surgeons 
74  Surveyors of Land 
34  Swineherds 
171  Sword-Cutlers 
75  Common Strumpets 
174    


T.  Tanners 
111  Tapsters 
125  Tailors 
67  Tinkers 
139  Tobacconists 
99  Trades, Mysteries and Professions 
62  Labouring Tradesmen 
159  Truckers 
104    


V.  Vestry-keepers and Vergers 
145  Vintners 
69  Upholsters 
88  Under-Sheriffs Associates, etc. 
26  Usurers 
40    


W.  Waggoners and Wain men 
130  Warreners 
166  Watermens 
89  Watch makers 
95  Public Waits 
144  Watchmen 
152  Wine-coopers' 
82  Young Wives and Girls 
53  Witnesses in Law-Suits 
25  Woollen Weavers 
84  Linen Weavers 
83   
FINIS.