LIBRARY OF THE NEW YORK STATE COLLEGE OF HOME ECONOMICS CORNELL UNIVERSITY ITHACA, NEW YORK Gift Of Miss Lillian B Leland Cornell University Library The original of tiiis book is in tine Cornell University Library. There are no known copyright restrictions in the United States on the use of the text. http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924003546045 HOME MANUAL. EVERYBODY'S GM IN SOCIAL, DOMESTIC, AND BUSINESS UFE, A TREASURY OK -p ^*\ Useful Information for the Million. THE CONTENTS OF ONE HUNDRED BOOKS IN A SINGLE VOLUME, TOUCHES TEN THOUSAND TOPICS. EM BRA-CING ETIQUETTE, HYGIENE, HOUSEH0I,D ECONOMY, BEAUTY, METHODS OF MONEY-MAKING, CARE OF CHILDREN, NURSING OF INVAWDS, OUTDOOR SPORTS, INDOOR GAMES, FANCY WORK, HOME DECORATION, BUSINESS, CIVII, SERVICE, HISTORY, GEOGRAPHY, PHYSIOLOGY, WRITING FOR THE PRESS, TEACHING, ITALIAN ART, ETC., KTC. PPSEPARED BY Mrs. JOHN A. I,OGAN, Pkof. WILLIAM MATHEWS, CATHERINE OWEN, and WILL CARLETON. THE BEST AUTHORS. EXPERTS IN EACH DEPA-RTMENT ONLY SOLD BY SUBSCRIPTION. THE BRODIX PUBLISHING CO., ■ 705 Eighth ST., N. W., WASHINGTON, D. C. L^3 >?^ /^/7 COPYRIGHT, 1889. BRODIX PUBI.ISHING COMPANY. WASHINGTON, U • ^. LIST OF SUBJECTS. PAGE. I. Good Form 2 II. Weddings 29 III. Society Small Talk 37 IV. Answers to Questions 49 V. Etiquette of Washington 71 V '"'>... Tidies of the White I^ouse 90 "\ 11. Arlington 93 VIjI. Soldiers' Home 96 IX. Out-Door Sports 100 X. Children's Pastimes 131 XI. How to be Beautiful 138 XII. Howto Make Children Healthy, Beautiful and Graceful 161 XIII. Diet of Invalids 170 PAGE. XIV. Preservation of the Sight 180 XV. What to do While Waiting for theDoctor 184 XVI. The Mother's Medicine Chest. .212 XVII. Care and Food of Infants 216 XVIII. Diseases of Children 227 XIX. Childish Diseases 241 XX. The House Beautiful 255 XXI. Hints for the Household 270 XXII. Miscellaneous 282 XXIII, How to Write for the Press 330 XXIV. Gems of Poetry 364 ' XXV. Synonyms 399 XXVI. Book of Thoughts 437 XXVII. Birthday Book 453 LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS. PAGE. Frontispiece Interior of Church 31 liady Randolph Churchill 38 Miss Chamberlain 39 Miss Ames 44 The White House 76 Chief Justice Melville W. Fuller 78 Seward Mansion 80 Mrs. Benjamin Harrison 82 Mrs. IiuiiiiMiiHinilniiitni"»uHunni^1niiiuvumhiiiiin'i»t»mmil!lHinilli!!!lSS!!'*'5^^ iun»i'<^i^'^^""'""ima ,»iiiiiuliaiiini»»iu»iiliu»lilliiilliilil>cii|iillllMllillimiMnilnliimll»i»«w«i'""ii"'ilmii»»ir iiuninmniiu'< ETIQUETTE OF SHOPPING. For Employees. — N'ever fail in courtesy to a customer ; but never proffer advice to aid in making selections, unless requested to do so. Never make any distinction between tbe rich and the poor. IsTever forget that a customer cannot always decide what to purchase until he or she has seen the new goods, and that any one has an undoubted right to go to a store and look through the stock for a reasonable time, without buying anything. N'ever talk to another employee when customers are waiting ; never show temper if goods are not purchased. Never allow any one to buy damaged goods without stating their condition. For Customers. — ^Never look over goods without any intention of buying them — merely to "kill time." Never set out on a shopping excursion without first deciding as far as possible what to buy. Never take a costly piece of goods — nor any piece — into a better light without first asking the clerk's permission to do so. Never let the door of a shop slam in the face of any person, nor permit a stranger to hold it open without any acknowledgment of the courtesy. Never speak sharply nor rudely to an employee. ETIQUETTE OF THE STREET. Courtesy requires the return of all civil greetings — those of servants included. Only the most serious causes can justify " a cut." In bowing, the head should be bent ; a mere lowering of the eye-lids, affected by some people, is rude ; but etiquette does not permit a familiar nod, except between business men, or very intimate friends. In passing and repassing on a public promenade or drive, bows are exchanged only at the first meeting. In carrying canes, umbrellas, and packages, care should HOME MANUAL. 23 be taken that they do not inconvenience others. In meeting on a street- crossing, gentlemen should make way for ladies, and younger persons for older ones. In driving or walking, always keep to the right. A gent leman shonld always offer his arm J;o_a, lady m_the.eveiuag.~. In the day he should do so only under lihefollowing circumstances : when the pavement is slippery, when there is a crowd, or when his companion is old or needs support. In escorting two ladies, he should offer his arm to one, and let the other walk by her side. " Sandwiches " are never desirable. ETIQUETTE OF THE HORSE-CARS. For Ladies. — ^Never accept a seat from a gentleman without acknowl- edging the courtesy by a bow and an audible expression of thanks. !N"ever show any sign of displeasure if, on entering a crowded car, no seat is offered. Jj'ever — if young and strong — expect an old gentleman to resign his seat. Never place baskets or bundles in the laps of other people. N'ever hesitate, if ill or greatly fatigued, to courteously ask a gentle- man if he will resign his seat, giving the reason for the request. For Gentlemen. — Never beckon to a lady, in order to resign a seat ; but rise first and offer it courteously. Never show reluctance to pass tickets or fares in cars not supplied with conductors. Never stand on the platform of a crowded car, so that a lady will be forced to push her way off. Step down into the street if necessary. Never take a seat while ladies are standing. 24 HOME MANUAL. ETIQUETTE OF BUSINESS. Never forget that time is precious to some persons, though you may be ready to waste if. Never fail to settle all debts as promptly as possible. Never fail to have all the details of an agreement decided so far as they can be, before the transaction is concluded. Never forget that a contract can be broken only by the consent of all the parties concerned. Never keep washer-women, seamstresses, nor any one dependent upon daily labor waiting for payment. Never endorse a note, unless able and willing to pay its full amount. Never adopt a disagreeable manner when requesting payment of a debt. Never buy on credit, if cash can be had. Never show false pride nor affect a manner commonly known as "being above one's business." Never shirk labor, nor fail to devote the whole attention to the work in hand. Never forget that a character for fair dealing is a capital that cannot be lost. Never think it unnecessary to learn the minutest details of any business, and never imagine that success in any business can be attained without a thorough training for it. Never fail to be courteous in all business intercourse ; a pleasant manner will do much to ensure success. Never insist upon entering any business office, if told that its occu- pant is not at leisure. Never address a letter to a firm in any way except Messrs. John Smith & Co., Gentlemen. Never send a manuscript to an editor without enclosing stamps for return postage, if you desire to have it sent back if not available. Never write business letters in a rambling nor needlessly curt style, and never place Messrs. before the signature of a firm. Never annoy an editor by constant letters of inquiry ; remember that your manuscript is not the only one he receives, and exercise due patience. HOME MANUAL. 25 BTIQUEXTB OF TRAVELLING. For Ladies. — ^Dress neatly in well made clothing of suitable material and simple style, wear as little jewelry as possible, and carry the smallest amount of baggage by hand. Have the initials or full name on all trunks. iN^ever attract attention by loud talking, laughing, or constant giggling and, if under the escort of a gentleman, do not annoy him with needless requests. Always repay a gentleman any travelling expenses, no matter how trivial. When travelling alone, if possible, be met at the station by some friend. In arriving at a station in a large city where she is a stranger, a lady should avoid taking a hack, choose instead horse-cars, or the stages plying between stations. Always acknowledge, by an expression of thanks, any courtesy offered, but young ladies should avoid entering into unnecessary conver- sation or accepting favors from men who are strangers. Remember that in the Old World, especially on the continent of Europe, it is not the custom for ladies to walk alone in city streets. Older ladies are privileged to offer advice or assistance, should occasion require, to young ladies travelling alone. For Gentlemen. — It is courteous for a gentleman to offer to buy tickets, and check the baggage of a lady who is travelling under his care; but he should first take her to the ladies' waiting-room, not leave her standing on a crowded platform. He may also offer to get her refresh- ments, newspapers, or books, and — if the journey is a long one— invite her to walk up and down the platform at the stations. If, by any accident, the friends expected fail to meet a lady at the station, the gentleman es- corting her should, if possible, go with her to her destination. A gentleman may offer to help a lady, even if she is a stranger, whenever she seems really in need of aid. For instance, if- she is laden with many parcels, or has several children with her who must be trans- ferred from boat to car, or station to station. Two gentlemen may talk together if agreeable to both ; but it is wise to discuss only general topics. Gentlemen may offer to open or shut a window for ladies ; but should never presume upon a chance civility thus extended, by attempting to use it as a means of entering into conversation with them. While not regarded by all persons as obligatory, it is always courteous for a gentle- 26 HOME MANUAL. man to offer his seat to a lady who is standing in any public convey- ance. 'Ho gentleman should smoke in cars or other places when ladies are present, spit on the floors in cars or stations, be disobliging in a smoking- car, by refusing to change his seat to accommodate a party who may desire to play some game, or accept a light, or any trifling civility from a fellow passenger, without any expression of thanks. For Both. — Before entering boat, train, or car, give the passenger* who are in the act of leaving time to get off. E'ever take a seat just vacated without waiting to see if its former occupant intends to return. iN'ever grumble about the trivial discomforts that fall to every travel- ler's lot, nor make comparisons — unfavorable to the latter, — ^between one'a own home and the place where one happens td be. Never crowd nor jostle in passing on or off cars or ferry-boats ; never occupy more than one seat in crowded conveyances. If parcels, etc., have been placed on an empty seat, cheerfully remove them whenever it is needed. N^ever take the seat beside any person in a steam-car, without asking if it is engaged. Ifever forget that partition walls on steamers and sometimes in hotels are very thin, and be careful to relate no family secrets for the benefit of the person occupying the next chamber or state-room. l^ever incommode fellow-travellers by opening a window which forces them to sit in a draught — it may be an affair of life and death to delicate persons. ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. iJI'ever lean far back in a chair nor sit on the side nor edge of it. ]S"ever sup soup noisily, nor from the end of the spoon. ISTever grasp the blade of the knife, hold it by the handle. Never eat rapidly, and never eat with a knife. Never cut up the food in small pieces on the plate. Never leave a spoon in a tea-cup, pour tea into a saucer to cool, nor drink from a saucer. Never use a steel knife for fruit. Never peel apear or peach and then take up the juicy fruit inthefingers; Never put food on the back of the fork. Never tip the plate to obtain the last remnant of the soup. Never put potato-skins, fruit parings, nor anything of the kind on the table-cloth. HOME MANUAL. 27 Never bite mouthfuls from bread, always break it, never cut hot bread or biscuit open. Never hesitate to take the last piece of any dish that may be offered — to refuse would imply a doubt'whether the hostess had made sufficient provision for her guests. Fever break a boiled egg into a cup nor eat it with a tea-spoon, it should always be eaten from the shell with an egg-spoon. Never hold a wine-glass by the bowl. Never fasten a napkin at the neck, nor tuck it into a button-hole. Never leave a napkin unfolded if the hostess folds hers. Never leave the table until the meal is over. Never read newspapers, books, or letters if others are at the table with you. Never eat onions nor garlic, except when dining alone. Never play with napkin, fork, nor any other article. Never use a spoon to eat vegetables — a fork is the proper thing. Never put your own knife into the butter-dish nor into any other intended for general use. BEIEF RULES FOR THE ETIQUETTE OF THE TABLE. In conclusion a few rules supposed to be familiar to every one, but too often ignored, may be of service. Spread the napkin over the knee, hold the fork with the handle in the hollow of the left hand ; when in the right, use it with the prongs upward, holding it between the finger and thumb. Wipe the lips before drinking, in order not to soil the glass. Avoid bending over the plate, drooping the head too low, thrusting the elbows out, or sitting with the back turned toward the person in the next chair. Be careful not to take large mouthfuls nor to eat too heartily. ETIQUETTE OF THE CLUB. While it may be said that there are few members of clubs who do not have a sufficient knowledge of the rules of etiquette governing them, there are always some who desire information on certain points, and it is for the benefit of the latter that the following brief directions are given : Never fail to become familiar with the regulations, and to rigidly obey them. Never feel that you have no right to vote against the admission to a small social club of any one whose society is not agreeable to you. It 28 HOME MANUAL. would destroy the pleasure of such a club if all its 'members were not congenial. Ifever allow personal prejudice to influence you in voting upon the admission of a new member of a large dub. Consider only the following points: Is the gentleman's record clear, and is he in all respects a worthy associate for gentlemen. I^ever persistently propose for membership of a small club a name that has been refused. l^ever be disagreeable nor disobliging to fellow-members. A gentle- man should be as courteous in a club-house as he would be in his own. Never talk loudly in reading-rooms or library, and never misuse books, newspapers, nor other club property. ]^ever seem selfish, monopolize the best arm-chair, make a practice of dining early to secure an extra share of a favorite dish, nor require special attention from waiters. Never grow angry over political or religious discussions, and never take any property of the club away from the building. Never mention the names of ladies in the club. Never show curiosity about other inembers. Never send an employee out of the club-house on any private errand without first requesting permission of the clerk or superintendent. Never bring dogs or other pets to a club. Never, while the guest of a club, take the liberty of introducing any one else ; but the guest of a club is expected to avail himself of all the privileges of its members. HOME MANUAL. 29 ETIQUETTE OF WEDDINGS. All families do not give dinners, balls, or five o'clock teas, but nearly every house, sooner or later, throws wide its doors to wedding-guests ; therefore there is no form of entertainment whose details are so generally interesting. The styles are as varied as the circumstances of the brides, yet the simplest home wedding — to avoid criticism — demands the observance of certain rules, as well as the most gorgeous Fifth Avenue marriage. And fortunately the simplest home wedding, by the exercise of a little taste and care, may be as attractive as the stateliest ceremonial. First, a word about the engagement. We have no formal ceremony of betrothal, such as exists among some foreign nations, but a girl's wel- come by the family of her fiance should be prompt and cordial. Any delay may cause her keen unhappiness. It is the custom in many cities for the mother of the expectant hus- band to invite the fiancee and her family to a dinner as soon as possible after the engagement, and these near relatives are first informed of the probable date of the wedding-day. In selecting the engagement ring a diamond solitaire is usually pre- ferred, if the purse will permit ; a flat gold band is the next choice. Gifts are usually packed wherever they are bought, and are sent directly from the shop to the bride. The variety is endless, ranging from the costliest silver and jewels, clocks, lamps, fans, odd bits of furniture, camel's hair shawls, etc., down to a pretty vase, a bit of embroidery, a picture, or a piece of china: painted by the hand of a friend. No one should hesitate to send a present whose money value is small, such gifts are often the most welcome, and a present which owes its exist- ence to the donor's own labor is regarded as especially flattering. The display of the wedding presents is a point to be decided according to the bride's wishes. Some people think it ostentatious, others devote much time and care to their arrangement, and it is undoubtedly gratifying to many to be permitted to see them. One rule, however, is invariable— the bride must acknowledge every gift by a personal note. 30 HOME MANUAL. After the wedding invitations are issued, the hride does not usually appear in public. The bride-groom can lavish whatever gifts he pleases on the bride,: and, if a wealthy man, often presents the bridesmaids with a souvenir of the occasion, a fan, bracelet, ring, or bouquet. He buys the wedding ring and furnishes the bride's bouquet ; but there his privilege or duty ends. The bride's family supply the cards, carriages, and wedding entertain- ment. WEDDING IN A CITY CHURCH. The bride at a fashionable church wedding usually wears the con- ventional bridal dress of some white material with train and veil. She drives to the church with her father, who gives her away ; her mother and other relatives, who have arrived in advance, occupy front seats. The bridal procession is formed by the ushers, who walk first two and two, followed by the bridesmaids, also two and two ; then the child-bridesmaids, if this pretty custom is adopted, and then the bride, leaning on her father's right arm. Sometimes the children lead the others. At the altar the ushers separate, moving to the right and left, the brides- maids do the same, thus leaving room for the bridal pair. When the bride reaches the lowest step, the bridegroom comes for- ward, takes her right hand, and leads her to the altar, where both kneel. The clergyman, who should be already in his place, motions to them' to rise, and at once begins the marriage ceremony. The newly made husband and wife pass down the aisle arm in arm, enter the carriage, and are driven home, followed by the rest of the party. To avoid the long delay of drawing off the glove, brides now cut the finger of the one on the left hand, so that it can be slipped aside to allow the putting on of the ring ; this is the routine almost invariably followed^ at all church weddings. The bridal procession usually enters accompanied' by the music of a wedding-march, and slow music is sometimes heard while the clergyman is pronouncing the vows. At ultra-fashionable weddings the attempt is sometimes made to fol- low the English fashion of a wedding-breakfast. The etiquette of this entertainment, as yet novel on our shores, is as follows : The guests are invited a fortnight in advance, and are expected to send their replies immediately, the occasion being quite as formal as a dinner-party. On reaching the house where the breakfast is given, the gentlemen leave their hats in the hall ; but the ladies do not take off their bonnets. HOME MANUAL. 31 32 HOME MANUAL. After speaking to the bride and groom and the host and hostess, the company chat together till breakfast is announced, when the party go to the table in the following order : First, the bride and the groom, then the bride's father escorting the groom's mother, then the groom's father with the bride's mother, then the best man with the first bridesmaid, then the rest of the bridesmaids, attended by gentlemen who have been especially invited for the purpose, and finally the remaining guests in the order directed by the bride's mother. The dishes provided are bouillon, salad, birds, oysters, ices, jellies, etc. ; with champagne and other wines ; but neither tea nor coffee is served. The health of the bride and groom is proposed by some gentleman appointed, usually the father of the groom ; response is made by the father of the bride. The groom sometimes responds and proposes the health of the bridesmaids, and the best man replies. But unless all are gifted in impromptu speech-making — a rare case — the situation is apt to be awkward ; and the " stand up," breakfasts are usually far pleasanter and more social. The latter plan also enables the hostess to invite more guests and the occasion is far less formal. After remaining from one to two hours with her guests, the bride retires to change her wedding costume for her travelling dress, and is met by the groom in the hall. The father, mother, and intimate friends exchange farewell kisses with the bride, and the pair drive away amid a shower of rice and slippers. The best man's duties are as follows : " He goes with the groom to the church and stands beside him at the altar, until the bride's arrival, then he holds the groom's hat. He attends to the payment of the clergyman's fee, follows the bridal party out of the church tod, on reaching the house, aids in presenting the guests. The bridegroom's relatives sit at the right of the altar or communion rails at the groom's left hand, and the bridemaids take their seats at the left at the bride's l§ft hand. The bridegroom and best man take their places at the left hand of the clergyman. The groom takes the bride'a right hand, and, of course, she stands at his left ; her father's place is a little behind her. At the end of the ceremony the officiating clergyman congratulates- the newly married pair, the bride takes her husband's left arm and passea down the aisle with him. "Wedding-cake is no longer sent ; but it is put up in boxes, neatly tied with white ribbons, and each guest, upon quitting the house, takes one> if he or she desires. HOME MANUAL. 33 A widow must never be attended by bridesmaids, nor must she wear veil or orange blossoms ; the proper dress at church is a colored silk and bonnet, and she should be accompanied by her father, brother, or some near friend. A HOUSE-WEDDING IN THE CITY. A fashionable wedding at home calls into requisition the services of both florist and caters ; the former to decorate the rooms, the latter to furnish the marriage feast. All sorts of floral devices are invented, from the marriage bell, monogram, and umbrella, to a bower of ferns large enough to receive the bride and bridegroom. The part of the room to be occupied by the bridal party should be separated by a white ribbon. After the clergyman has taken his place, the bride and groom enter together, followed by the mother, father, and other friends. Hassocks should be ready for the bridal pair to kneel upon. SIMPLE HOME-WEDDINGS. Where money is lacking to defray the charges of florist andcaterer, or in places remote from cities, where their assistance cannot be had, the lov- ing hands of friends decorate the rooms with the largesse of foliage and blossoms nature ofiers, and the table nateily be supplied with simple dishes such as the household means can furnish. "Wedding-cake, light cakes, ices, and coffee arranged on a table prettily ornamented with flowers is a sufficient entertainment at a quiet home-wedding, and let it be added, is in far better taste than a more ostentatious display which is beyond the means of the family, and leaves a burden of debt behind. The rules for invitations, calls, etc. are the same, save of course that- the wording of the invitations is varied to suit different circumstances, whether the marriage ceremony is performed at church or at ho;iie, and whether the wedding entertainment is costly or simple. In fashionable circles after the return of the bridal party, the mem- bers of both families give a dinner in their honor, and the bridesmaids, if able to do so, give them some entertainment. Brides sometimes announce, when sending out their wedding-cards, two or more reception days ; but they do not wear their wedding-dresses, though their toilettes may be as handsome as they desire. When invited to balls or dinners, however, the wedding-dress is per- fectly appropriate for a bride to wear — of course without the wreath and veil. anttibersarg fflmrttrinsg. F late years a pleasant custom has grown up of naming the different anniversaries of the mar- riage-day, and celebrating them with appro- priate ceremonies. The rarest of all is of course the " diamond wedding," at the close of seventy-five years of wedded life, so rare, in fact, that no description of it is necessary ; next in order is the golden, the fiftieth anni- versary, also very infrequent, and too often fraught with sorrowful memories of the dear ones who have passed into the shadow-land. The gifts appropriate to the occasion are, of course, gold. If any article of dress worn at the first wedding — ^veil, hand\;erchief, or fan — is still in ex- istence, it is donned by the bride, and she carries a bouquet of white flowers. The card of invitation is in gold letters, and a recent form runs as follows : /(i^y )\ ist.'i^ez (^y^^>r-~^ J/^?W C>^#«^-^^'*«^ o^'^9^e, 34 HOME MANUAL. 35 Flowers, too, are frequently given at golden weddings — preferably yellow ones — ^but on a recent occasion one of the most admired floral offerings was a superb flat basket of roses, bearing in violets the dates of the marriage and its anniversary. The silver wedding, occurring twenty-five years after the marriage- day, is apt to be a far more joyous occasion than the golden one. The bride and groom are usually still in life's prime instead of being near the ■end of their earthly pilgrimage ; their children are in the bloom of youth, and the circle of friends is yet numerous enough to fill the places of those who have early fallen from the ranks of the battle of life. The cards are printed in silver letters, frequently in the following form : ^<^64- Cx^T e€^a^€ €>■ e^c^. 'i^'t^'j^. Many persons do not hav« their names at the end, while others order an exact copy of the marriage-notice, taken from the newspaper of the period. Gifts of silver being inexpensive, as compared with gold, almost all who receive invitations send some present, which may be as trivia! or as costly as the donor chooses. They are usually marked " Silver Wedding," or bear some appropriate motto with the initials of the couple enclosed in a true lover's knot. The variety of articles is almost endless,— silver clocks, photograph frames, belt-clasps, mirrors, brushes and combs, and other toilet articles set in solid silver, and the long array of table-ware. 36 HOME MANUAL. The entertainment is similar to that supplied at any reception, with the addition of a large wedding-cake, containing a ring, which the bride cuts just as she did twenty-fiye years before. The twentieth anniversary bears the name of the " linen wedding ; " but many persons consider it unlucky to celebrate it, and the Scotch have a superstition that one or the other will die within the year if any allu- sion to it is made. The crystal wedding is celebrated on the fifteenth anniversary of the marriage. The cards of invitation are frequently crystalized, and the gifts embrace every variety of glass-ware. " Tin weddings " are occasions of universal jollity, and much inge- nuity is exercised in devising amusing gifts. One young wife received from' her father-in-law a check, marked " tin," enclosed in an elaborate tin pocket-book. All the tin utensils that can be used in the kitchen and household are also lavished without stint. Tin funnels holding bouquets of flowers and tied with ribbons are usually numerous, and the glittering metal, adorned with bows of every hue, is really very effective displayed on a table. The invitation is usually printed on a bit of tin. ' The fifth anniversary is dubbed the wooden wedding, and affords an opportunity for the bestowal of beautiful gifts in wood-carving, handsome pieces of furniture and picture frames, as well as the regulation wooden rollers, chopping trays, etc. , for the kitchen. Bits of birch-bark are fre- quently used for the invitations. One year after the marriage is celebrated by the iron wedding, when — as its name implies — all the gifts are of this indestructible metal. This and the anniversaries previously mentioned are the ones usually cele- brated ; but some other dates have received the following designations : Paper — the second anniversary. Leather — the third. Straw — the fourth. "Woolen— the seventh. Pearl — the thirtieth. Coral — the thirty-fifth. Bronze — the forty-fifth. Invitations to any of these occasions should be appropriate in design. For instance, the pearl wedding cards should be printed on pearl colored stationery, the coral wedding cards on pink, the bronze wedding on bronze, etc. ^ocietg S)maU ^alk. WHAT TO SAT, AND WHEN TO SAY IT. T is true the new comer into society often discovers that his or her greatest difficulty lies in finding just the right thing to say at the right time. N'o one desires to sit silent and apparently stupid in the midst of a circle of people who are gaily chatting together, and, indeed, under some cir- cumstances, the most in- sipid of " small talk " is far better than no talk at all. Fortunately it is an art which can be culti- vated, and though a " bril- '^ liant conversationalist," like a genius, is born and not made, it is within the power of any one possessing average intelligence, tact, and good nature to become that wel- come addition to every gathering known as "an agreeable person." "While, of course, no stereotyped phrases to suit every occasion can be given, a few suggestions may be of service to persons who desire to acquire the power of uttering graceful and pleasing things at the fitting moment, and a few general rules may aid those whose complaint is, that they " never know what to say." There are many little topics of common interest, even among those who meet for the first time — mutual friends, similar pursuits, professions, and tastes. The art lies in their speedy discovery. In this respect, men seem to be gifted with far more readiness of perception than women. 37 )\ 38 HOME MANUAL. The first principle of the art of making small talk is, probably, due consideration in choosing a subject which would be likely to prove agree- able to the person with whom one is to converse. The best help in ascertaining this; is to bear in mind the person's age, sex, and social position, which will almost invariably afibrd sufficient indications to enable one to form a tolerably accurate idea of the best subject to broach for the time. Having secured an idea, it is better not to commence by broadly stating a fact or positively expressing an opinion, because this plan would either practically dispose of the subject, or perhaps be met with " Indeed," "Ah," or some other monosyllable, because if a different opinion was held by the person to whom the remark was made, he might not care, if a stranger, to directly contradict the view. The object to be reached is to glide gradually into conversation, and the appearance of desiring to hear the ideas and opinions of others is far more likely to draw out their conversational powers, and afford an opportunity to display one's own, than to be curtly and egotistically explicit. To imply by the manner an interest in the person with whom we are conversing is flattering ; but to ask questions of a personal na^ ture — evincing either idle curi- osity or heedlessness — is by no means complimentary, and can- not fail to be disagreeable. Mental exertion is as requi- site to the successful mastery of the art of conversation as to the practice of any other art. Many are prone to imagine that, without the least exertion, a sudden torrent of brilliant ideas floods the brain of the clever talker, and envy his gifts, never dreaming that they are but the natural exercise of ordi- nary intelligence. N"ext to the good talker ranks the good listener, who is always considered a most agree- able companion. The latter in- I/ADY BANSOLFH CHtTBCHILI,. HOME MANUAL. 39 variably appears to be deeply inter- ested in the conversation and shows much tact in asking a question or putting in a remark just at the right time. In conversing with new ac- quaintances, persons who, are not reserved by nature often show a certain reserve of manner because, having no knowledge of the tastes and ideas of the strangers, they hesitate to start any topics save the most commonplace. The power of easily making small talk dispels this reserve, and renders its fortu- nate possessor master or mistress of the situation. One of the severest tests of the ability to make small talk is the morning call, because it entails fif- teen minutes conversation with the person called upon, an easy matter to any one who has a ready flow of talk; who have little idea of what ought to be said. After the first exchange of greetings the weather usually comes to the fore ; but this topic also is speedily exhausted and one needs to introduce some subject capable of being enlarged upon. If guest or hostess has newly come to the city, either from a summer absence or a journey, the fact introduced into the talk might easily lead to a pleasant chat for the remainder of the call, the newcomer speaking of the incidents of travel or the attractions of the summer resort, the old resident, if that topic shows signs of failing, mentioning the pleasures or advantages to be obtained in the town during the winter. If either has recently returned from a trip to Europe a wide field for talk is opened by comparing mutual experiences, or asking questions con- cerning the most interesting features of the principal places that have been visited. If two or three callers are present, the hostess, even if averse to mak- ing a formal introduction, should try to render the conversation general, incidentally mentioning the names of her visitors, that each may become MISS CHAMBEBLAIN. but a source of dread to those 40 HOME MANUAL. aware of the other's identity. When the time for leave-taking has arrived, a graceful mode of exit is to allude to any little plan that may have been formed for another meeting, as : " Then you will let me know if I may expect you next Monday ? Good-bye." Or, " then I shall hope to see you at the Charity Fair on Saturday? Good-bye." To which the hostess might reply : \" Certainly, I will come. Good-bye." Or, " I shall be there, if possible. Good-bye." When there is nothing to add to the farewell, a good form is : "I think I must say good-bye," and the hostess answers : " Good-bye, I am so glad to have seen you." Persons who have just been introduced to each other during a call, at a tea, or on any other occasion, often have some little difficulty in starting a conversation unless aided by a suggestion from the person making the introduction, yet it is just at this time that pleasant, bright, *' small talk " is moat valuable in removing stiffness and creating a good impression. The mention of the place from which either person comes, the fact of a recent return from a journey, or interest in any special pursuit on the part of either of the strangers by the person making the presentation is a valuable aid. Delicate flattery, conveyed by inference, is one of the most satisfactory methods of making a good impression on a new acquaintance, reluctant as the majority of people may be to acknowledge the fact. This, however, is not broad, blunt, insincere flattery, whose very grossness overshoots its mark ; but a pleasant, graceful manner of con- veying appreciation of any special merit or talent the new acquaintance may possess. For instance : " I hope you are to sing this afternoon ; I have often heard of your lovely voice." Or, "I am glad to meet you. Our mutual friends, the Conways, have said so many pleasant things about you." The former remark might lead, by diverging from the owner of the " lovely voice," to a pleasant chat about music and musicians in general ; the latter would afford an opportunity for the exchange of familiar talk concerning the Conways — ^when they had been last met, etc. The dinner-party is usually considered the severest test of any indi- vidual's conversational powers, and some society men — perhaps some ladies, also, — ^make a study of collecting a store of telling little anecdotes for conversation. HOME MANUAL. 41 Others naturally possess so ready a wit that they are always prepared to make a brilliant repartee, or an apt rejoinder. The difference is that the gay readiness of one can always keep all the guests amused, though he may have said nothing especially worth recollecting, while the witti- cisms of the other might he worth storing in the memory for repetition on some future occasion. Conversation on domestic affairs and the tribulations occasioned by servants, etc., should always be avoided in general society. Few, indeed, are interested in the failures or successes of the last cook, or a minute description of infantile diseases. A far worse error than this, — since it indicates a malicious dispo- sition, — is ill-natured gossip concerning the affairs of others. While some thoughtless listeners may be momentarily amused, the impression left upon the mind is always unfavorable to the speaker. Another class of remarks to be avoided is sometimes humorously mentioned as being "things one would rather not have said." Some luckless persons, either from want of tact or disregard of the feelings of others, appear to hav& a positive genius for the utterance of these un- pleasant " home-truths," and, it is needless to say, are by no means popular in social circles. Among such speeches may be mentioned the following : " How very badly your wife looks ; she needs a warmer climate ; you should send her somewhere at once ; " — to a man whose narrow income renders it impos- sible for him to follow the advice. Or, " what a pity your daughter's engagement is broken ; Mr. Howard is such a fine fellow." Or, " how much your little daughter looks like her Aunt Sarah, the resemblance is more striking every time I see her." "Aunt Sarah " being a notoriously plain and unattractive member of the family. Or, again : " How very unbecoming that red bonnet is. People with auburn hair should never wear red." This to a young girl who can afford but one best bonnet a season, and who is perfectly aware iftiat her choice has been unfortunate. Music, the last new novel, and the last fashions in dress are frequent and usually suggestive topics to ladies, with an occasional discussion of shops and dress-makers. Young girls usually talk of their special amuse- ments and (occupations. The small talk between persons of opposite sexes who are but slightly acquainted rarely soars above common-place topics, nor is it natural that it should do so, since its purpose is merely to pleasantly fill a few chance 42 HOME MANUAL. moments. It commonly begins with inquiries concerning absent friends — ^the lady, perhaps, asking if the gentleman has seen the Smiths lately. If he has, it aflEbrds him an opportunity to say where and when, men- tioning any little incident connected with the meeting. If he has seen them in any city, the attractions of the place can be discussed. A few brief imaginary conversations, illustrating the suggestiouB previously given, may serve to make them more clearly understood. AT AN AFTERNOON TEA. Strangers having been introduced, and exhausted the convenient subject of the weather, one remarks : " What beautiful hair that little girl has." " Yes, and the present style of wearing it is so becoming to children; it is very picturesque." " Yes, and the Kate Greenaway costumes carry out the illusion ; the little people look as if they had just stepped out of a Christmas book." From this it would be easy to pass on to books in general, artists, or pictures, as the speakers' tastes might lead them. AT A DINNER PARTY. It is very desirable to fall into easy conversation immediately after any introduction ; but especially so when two persons, who have previ- ously been strangers, are sent to dinner together by the host. To main- tain total silence until seated at the table will be apt to give each person the impression that his or her companion is dull and stupid. The occasion, however, does not call for very profound remarks,, almost anything will serve the purpose. For instance, the gentleman may say : " We must be careful not to step on that elaborate train," re- ferring to the costume of a lady preceding the pair. " Yes, indeed, "that would be a mishap. But trains are graceful in spite of their inconvenience." Her companion must answer : " Oh ! I admire them, of course. Only I have such a dread of step- ping on them and bringing down the wrath of the fair wearer on my devoted head." "Are you apt to be unlucky in that way ? And do you think a woman must necessarily be enraged, if her gown is trodden upon ?" " Oh ! if you want my real opinion, I should say the woman who could stand that test must be a rare exception to the generality of her sex ; but here are our places. We are to sit this side, I believe." HOME MANUAL, 4? Having seated themselves, and exchanged a few comments (of course flattering), on the table decorations, the lady, wishing to ascertain whether her companion was one of the silent diners-out, might say: " Some people do not care to eat and talk at the same time, but prefer to let what few comments they make come in between the courses." "A man must be a dull fellow who cannot do both, with satisfaction to his neighbor if not to himself." " Then I may talk to you without fear of interrupting your enjoy- ment of your dinner? But you speak as though it were easier to please your neighbor than yourself." " Set down that speech to my gallantry. Ladies are so good natured that they take the will for the deed, while my modesty precludes my taking credit for any efforts of mine." " I often find that the men who are least ready to take credit are the most worthy of it ; so I shall expect great things at your hands." " I fear I have unintentionally raised your expectations, and that you will be doomed to disappointment." " If that proves to be the case, perhaps it will be my own fault, and after all expectation is the better part of life." " Has realization always fallen short of expectation ?" " In some degree ; but I fear I am a little inclined to let my imagina* tion soar away with me." " Imagination is the safest companion you could have in your flight, and the one of whom you would be the least likely to grow weary." " Do you never weary of your own thoughts — ^your own visions, and. your own companionship ?" " Yery often ; but then I am more practical than poetical ; you volatile feminine personages are always floating to more etherial regions." " I am not so foolish as to indulge in day-dreams," the lady might answer, " I think people whose lives are full of duties, have little leisure for such amusement. But to change the subject to a topic less etherial — how delicious these Pat6s de Cailles are. Still, the way the poor little birds are kept alive in boxes at the markets i^ very cruel." " To fatten them, I suppose. No doubt it is rather uncomfortable. You ladies are so tender-hearted. But how about the birds you wear in your hats ; and the wings that deck them ? Are not the gaily feathered fowl sacrificed to your vanity ?" " Perhaps so, but not tortured, etc. 44 HOME MANUAL. AT A MUSICALS. Some one might remark : " That was a French song ? Are you famil- iar with the language ?" " I can read it fairly well, that is all. But my sister is an excellent J^rench scholar. Are you not, Barbara 1" " Yes, I suppose so. But I was at school some time in Paris." " Oh ! that is such an advantage," a third speaker might remark, " I think one ought to go abroad to acquire a language." "Do you?" a fourth might answer. "Now I think it is easiest to acquire a language in early childhood, when the mind is impressionable and the memory retentive." A fifth might chime in : " That may be when the child has a real gift for the languages, but not otherwise." Or, alluding to a song just finished, some one might remark : " What a fine voice Miss Seymour has ! Did you ever hear her before ? " " Yes, indeed, very often. She attends a great many of these parties, -I fancy. I am tolerably familiar with her list of songs, etc." AT A RECEPTION. " Won't you let me find you a seat somewhere? Don't you hate ^ crowd ? " A man who was thor- oughly at his ease might say to a lady to whom he had just been pre- sented. " Oh no, I like to see a room full of people. It looks as if they appreciated one's invitations." " I am afraid you look at a crush from a hostess' standpoint. How you ladies always make everything a home question ! " " I'm not so sure of that. You say you hate a crowd, yet if you ■should come to my " at home " next miss ames. HOME MANUAL. 45 Thursday and find onlyia few people there, you would probably go away thinking that I must be a very unpopular woman." " Then you want to prove that crowded rooms are the standard by which to judge of the hostess' popularity ? I never regarded them from that standpoint ; but you may be right. In that case I shall expect to be- unable to get further than your door Thursday night." " That is rather a far-fetched compliment. I hope you will never be kept away by a crowd when the question of seeing me is concerned ; but you need have no fear this time, I have sent out very few invitations." This is about as far as the talk could easily be carried on so slender a thread ; but it could be readily turned into another direction by the question : " Is this the first entertainment of the kind you have given in your new house ? " " Why no indeed. I asked you to a party we gave three months ago, and you were out of town I believe, or something." " Something ? Why 1 was ill for six weeks, unable to go anywhere,. and when one has been out of society for a time, it is wonderful how hard it is to fall into the routine again." " Do you mean that people forget to send you invitations, or that you don't care to accept them ? " " A little of both, I confess that the routine of social duties is a little wearisome when one feels not quite up to the mark ; there seems such a sameness and uselessness about the whole thing that one begins to wonder whether it is not a huge mistake." " Oh, you are growing morbid. Society is well enough, so far as it goes. I would not try to set the world right, if I were you ; but mak& the best of things as they are, that's my philosophy." " It is an easy going view of things ; but hardly the highest ground to go upon." If- the lady wished to discuss the question whether, and in what way, it is woman's mission to elevate society and remodel some of its laws, this would afford an opportunity of drawing out her companion's views and convictions ; but if not, she could easily turn it into another channel, though starting with the last remark. " The highest ground ? Perhaps not. But I like to be sure of my ground, and avoid dangerous subjects, opposing other people's opinions, etc. But I find one is apt to say the wrong thing." " People who are sensitive or crotchety, are hard to get on with — one can't help rubbing them the wrong way." " I think sensitive people, or people whose vanity and self-love are 46 HOME MANUAL. perpetually on the alert for a slight, are so much more tiresome than' people with a crotchet. One can humor the crotchet aside from the individual." " I don't know about that ; I don't think you were specially inclined to humor either my crotchet or myself just now." " Oh, that is very different. It would not be a good thing for you if I did." " How do you know ? Suppose you try it JUst for once, etc." A little badinage of this sort, blended with common sense, lends, as it were, a dash of color to the conversation. AT A BALL. The fashion of saying, " May I have the pleasure of dancing with you ? " has given place to a less formal method, and a young man now accosts a young lady with, " I hope you have kept a dance for me," ^' Won't you spare me a dance ? " or " Shall we take a turn ?" The young lady does not answer : " I shall be very happy," a reply which has disap- peared with "May I have the pleasure?" but says: "I'm afraid I have none to spare except number ten, a quadrille," or " I am engaged for the next five dances ; but I'll give you one, if you come for it a little later." Another form of invitation : " Are you engaged for this dance ? " Some silly girls sometimes answer by sajnn^ "I do not think lam," while perfectly aware that they are not, and the young men are quick to see through the evasion by which the maiden seeks to conceal her lack of partners. A clever girl escapes from the dilemma by the prompt an- swer: "I am very glad to say I am not," thus inferring that she might have been en- gaged, had she defeired ; but preferred wai1> ing for the chance of dancing with him — a ■suggestion flattering to the gentleman. Ball-room small talk is not expected to rise above the common-place. The materials supplied by the entertainment itself are very limited — the band, the flowers, the floor, the supper. Dull people usually -ring the changes on these themes. For instance, " What a good band it is ! " " How well the band plays ! " "It's a capital band!" "What a pleasant ball-room this isj" "I think this floor is very good." " Don't you think the floor slip- HOME MANUAL. 47 pery, etc., etc. Sucu phrases, by dint of constant repetition, are apt to weary the listener, and people who can get away from them do well to branch off to vary the monotony. In response to the query : " I suppose you are very fond of dancing ?" a young lady, instead of making the usual answer: " Yes, I am, very," might say : " Yes, I am fond of it ; but there are other things I like quite as much," thus giving her partner an opportunity to enquire what amusements interested her. Simple affirmatives and negatives close the avenues of talk. «Yes, I am," "No, I am not," "Yes, I do," "No, I do not," give little encouragement for farther efforts. If such answers are necessary, try to qualify them. Instead of a blunt " No, I am not," it would be better to say : " I do not think I am very fond of it. Do you care for it much?" A ball-room is especially the place for airy nothings. " This is our dance, I think," a gentleman might say ; " you are not afraid that I am not able to pilot you through the crowd ?" If the lady answers : " No, not at all," her partner would have to seek some other opening for con- versation ; but were she to respond : " No, I shall believe in you till you prove my confidence misplaced," the young man could reply that " he was proud of her confidence," he " considered himself put on trial, as it were," or that she " should have no occasion to regret her trust." If a lady wishes to compliment her . partner on his waltzing, she might ask if he had spent much time in Germany. To which he would respond : " How did you guess that ?" or, " No, indeed, why did you suppose so ?" This would afford an opening for the reply : " Germans usually waltz so well, I thought you must have learned the art there." Ornaments worn in a ball-room often suggest gay conversation to ready-witted people. For instance: "I envy that butterfly on your hair, close to your e&r. What a chance to whisper secrets, lucky butter- fly!" The answer might be : " Oh, no, the butterfly is not so happy as you think ; I shut it up in a velvet case when I go home, lest I should lose it. Now, you could not be shut up, and you wouldn't like it, if you could." Or, the lady might reply, jestingly : " Unlike you, my butterfly has no feeling, so it doesn't appreciate its happiness, a trait, I believe, characteristic of butterflies. You ought to know something about it." Here the retort might follow : 48 HOME MANUAL. " You are kind enough to anticipate my future ; I haven't found my wings yet ; I am still in a chrysalis state." If the lady wanted to have the last word, she might say: " Then you are safer to hold, if not so pretty to keep, and I think you could not do better than to remain a chrysalis for the present." In conclusion, it may be said that in the art of small talk — ^as in every other art — ^"practice makes perfect." No hard and fast rules to fit every occasion can be given; but persons who really desire to please, and who will take the time and trouble requisite to carry out the above sug- gestions, will ere long find themselves included in the class known as "people everybody is glad to meet." ALLS. When calling at a friend's house where there are other visitors, previously strangers to you, should you invite them to call as well as the hostess ? No. It is not necessary. * * * A gentleman is paying an evening call. Shortly after another visitor arrives. Should the first take leave or remain ?* Take his leave by all means — ^not instantly, but after the interval of a few moments. Too abrupt a departure might indicate a dislike to the new-comer. But it is extremely "bad form" for one person to attempt. to " sit out " another. * * * In going up-stairs to a parlor on the second floor, which should lead the way, the hostess or the guest ? The guest. * Two young ladies meet while paying a call at the house of a third. "When one guest rises to take leave, should the other also rise and remain, standing until she has taken her departure ? It would be more courteous for her to do so. 50 HOME MANUAL. Is it proper for a gentleman to write to a lady with whom his acquaintance is very slight, asking permission to call at her home ? Better make the request verbally, if possible. If circumstances pre- vent, he may write respectfully. * * * A gentleman living a few miles away writes to a lady, stating that he will call on a certain evening. Should she reply ? Not unless she wishes to do so. The gentleman must take his chance of finding her at home. Yet it is perfectly proper, if she desires, to write a few lines informing him that she will be glad to receive him at the time named. If she has any engagement for the evening, a note should be sent to notify him of the fact, otherwise, the natural inference would be that she did not care to see him. T TABLE. How should a fork be held ? With the concave side uppermost. * * * What reply should be made to the question: " Which part of the chicken do you prefer ?" " White meat," or, " Dark meat." * * * At a dinner or lunch, after having been served once, would it be bad form to say: " No, thank you," in reply to the second offer of a dish ? No. * * * Should one say : " No, thank you," to a servant ? Yes. * * * Should the napkin be left unfolded at the end of a meal ? Yes, napkins should never be folded. * * * Is it allowable for a man to eat his meals with his coat off? Certainly not. No well-bred man would think of doing so. HOME MANUAL. 51 Should teaspoons be placed in the holder with the bowls up or down ? It would be better to put a teaspoon on each saucer; but if a " holder " is essential, put the bowls down. * * * In drinking tea at breakfast — from a coffee-cup — is it ever proper to leave the spoon in the cup, not in the very act of drinking, but in the intervals ? N'o. * * * Is it proper to use a knife and fork in eating asparagus, or should the stalks be taken in the fingers ? Never use a knife. Many well-bred people take the stalks in the fingers. If a compromise is desired, use the fork only. * * * Is it proper to dip a piece of bread into a coffee-cup or egg-cup to moisten it with the contents ? N^ot according to American ideas, but some well-bred foreigners do it. KESS. What costume is suitable for a gentleman to wear on board a yacht ? If on a cruise, or where the party consists exclusively of men, a blue flannel or serge suit with white waist-coat would do. If ladies are present, a black diagonal cutaway coat, white or black waist-coat, light trousers, and light derby hat. * * * Wh9.t is the proper material for a dress- suit? Bla• No, she should stand near the door where her guests enter. * « * Is it necessary for a lady to invite a gentleman to call again ? Yes, if it is his first visit, otherwise not. But a lady can usually, ' without giving a formal invitation, find some pleasant way of expressing a desire to see a friend again. HOME MANUAL. 67 A lady moving into a village was not called upon by a near neighbor. Later this neighbor left the place, returning some months after to visit a friend of both persons. Should the former call ? By no means. "WTiy extend a courtesy to one who showed no desire to make the acquaintance of the new-comer? * * * Can a lady pay her own travelling expenses when escorted by a gentleman ? Certainly. She should not permit any other arrangement. * * * Is it necessary for intimate friends, at the end of an evening's or afternoon's enjoyment, to express their appreciation of it to the host or hostess? Yes. * * * Which is the proper course — ^for a lady to invite a gentleman to call, or for the gentleman to ask if he may call ? It depends wholly on circumstances. The custom differs in different places. * * * What should a lady answer when a gentleman who has been presented to her says on leaving, " I've been pleased to meet you ?" A bow and a smile are a sufficient reply. * * * Is it proper for a lady to send her card to a gentleman whom she has met twice ? No. Give him a verbal invitation to call when you next meet him. * * * Should an invitation to a school concert be answered, if the recipient ■cannot attend and, if so, to whom should it be addressed. Certainly, to the person who sent the invitation. * Is it proper for a gentleman who is accompanying a lady in a street- car to rise and give his seat to another lady ? Yes. * * When a lady is introduced to a gentleman, should she speak, or merely bow ? Better make some pleasant remark, if she is fortunate enough to -have a ready flow of small talk. 68 HOME MANUAL. Is it " good form " for a gentleman to call on a young lady whom he has met frequently, but who has never invited him to do so ? ^o. V * * HOME MANUAL. 69 How should a letter to a young lady be addressed ? "With the Chris- tian name written in full, or merely with the initials ? It is immaterial, unless the lady has unmarried sisters. In that case, if she is the oldest, omit the Christian name ; if younger, it must be used. * * * In declining an invitation to an evening-party, is it necessary to put the words " with regrets " on your card ? I^ever use a card to decline an invitation to a party. "Write a formal note in the third person. * * * A gentleman who is paying devoted attention to a young lady invites her to pay a visit at his house. Is it good form for her to go ? She knows no other members of the family. Certainly not. She must wait for a special invitation from the family. * * * If a gentleman, on meeting a lady for the first time, escorts her home, should she invite him to call ? Yes, if she has sufficient knowledge of him to be sure that he will be a desirable acquaintance. As a rule, however, invitations to call are not extended on first acquaintance. * * * "When a gentleman has met a lady several times, but has received no invitation to call, is it proper for him to ask permission to do so ? Yes, if the degree of acquaintanceship warrants it, and he has no rea- son to suppose that the lady is reluctant to number him among her visitors. * * * In sending invitations, should the outside and inside envelopes read the same, the address only being placed on the latter ? Yes. * * * How should an envelope, containing an invitation to a brother and two sisters be addressed ? "Write the brother's name on one line, and " The Misses " one line below. But it is far better to use a separate envelope for the brother. * * * Is it proper to uae tooth-picks at the table ? No. Yet it is a breach of etiquette frequently committed by people otherwise well-bred. 70 HOME MANUAL. Should a ticket given by a friend to any public affair be considered in the same light as an invitation and acknowledged by a call ? Not necessarily. * * When a gentleman escorts a lady home in the evening, should she invite him to come in? That depends upon the hour. Not if it is later than 9.30 P. M. * Is it proper for a lady to dance with a gentleman who has been presented to her only a few minutes before the dance begins ? Certainly. * * * A society gave a reception at the house of one of its members. Several of the gentleman's friends, who were not invited to the entertain- ment, considering themselves slighted, cut his acquaintance. Were they right ? Certainly not, the gentleman may not have been at liberty to invite to a meeting of the society any persons who were not members. The friends showed a sad want of good sense. * * * A gentleman and lady, residents of the same city, met at a summer resort. After the lady^s return to town, she sent the gentleman a card. Should he consider it an invitation to call? Yes, but it would have been better had she invited him verbally. * * * When giving a party to introduce a daughter into society, should all the society people of the place be invited ? No, only those on the visiting list of the lady who gives the enter- tainment. * * * How should a man recognize his own or his friend's servants in the street ? By a nod and a pleasant word. * * * Is it proper for a young man to ask a young girl whom he has in- vited to take a walk or a pleasure excursion to meet him at his place of business ? Certainly not. He should call at her residence. ^KHE PRESIDENXla HQUSB IS tSOO. mtitiutttt anir iBntertaittments in 212aasf)ington. ^ISr all countries the style of stationery and the form of invitations to social affairs change frequently. In our own land the size of cards of ceremony fluctu- ates from the very small bits of pasteboard, engraved in the finest possible script, to the large square cards of the present fashion, engraved in bold, beautiful old English or script, and often ac- companied by the personal card — ^nearly equal in size — of the entertainers. It must be admitted that the larger cards and text used now are more beautiful and digni- fied than the insignificant ones of the past The Presidents' invitations have changed from the olden to modern times, always representing the taste of the person occupying that exalted position. Some of our executives have paid no attention whatever to these affairs, while others have devoted much consideration to the detail and style of even these trivial matters. We have before us a number of invi- tations from the Executive Mansion. "While all are of the larger form, the quality of paper, the style of engraving, and the taste displayed, are very different and in keeping with the progress of the last decade. 71 72 HOME MANUAL. During President Grant's administration, the letter "G" was used on the stationery. thi^m^mtmii |lt^. (Sfiwtt -—^^^^^^^../^ ^K^c^^ g^-^^^>^ ' atamnei^en'C'^M& j4^ anauiM^iii^ The elegant and tasteful President Arthur used the coat-of-arms of the United States, in gold, on all invitations issued tor occasions of cere- mony. The stationery was of the finest quality, thje tint a delicate cream color. HOME MANUAL. IS Official people must follow the lead of the President in matters of ceremony, and often display much taste in their elaborate menus and cards. As the current coin with which society pays its debts, these tiny pasteboards play an important part. Thomas JeiFerson was the first to issue the canons of etiquette for the society of Washington, which have, with minor changes, governed it to the present day. • All cards bear either engraved, printed, or written, the name, resi- dence, and rank of the person using them, and officials add a separate card designating the office, as for instance : The Vice-President, the Chief Justice, the Secretary of State, the General of the Army, the Admiral of the Navy, etc. At the beginning of every session of Congress all officials, or other persons holding an established social position in Washington, should pay their respects to the President and the ladies of the "White House. This is done by calling and leaving a card, every one paying the first visit to the President, the Chief Justice, and the Speaker of the House of Repre- sentatives. All other officials, including the Representatives, make the first call upon the Senators. The officials of the Executive Departments, of course, call upon the President, Chief Justice, Senators, and Repre- sentatives. These visits are always returned by the persons receiving them, the President and his family, who neither make nor return calls, being the sole exception to this rule. It is optional whether they are repeated, or the acquaintance is continued. Persons giving entertainments should always call upon their intended guests before sending out the invitations — which should be done at least ten days prior to the occasion. In social visiting, it is customary to turn the corners of the- card to indicate the object of the call ; as for instance: Turning down the upper left hand corner means a social visit ; the upper right corner, a congratu- latory one ; the lower left hand, a parting call ; and the lower right hand corner, a call of condolence. Calls of condolence and congratulations should always be paid very promptly. Many persons are extremely care- less about making calls after accepting invitations, a negligence which is an unmistakable evidence of bad breeding. After having accepted hos- pitality from any one, politeness demands that you should speedily pay a formal visit in acknowledgment of the courtesy extended to you. Menu cards bearing the names of the guests laid beside the plates at dinners or lunch parties, are sometimes very elaborate affairs, 74 HOME MANUAL. and afford an opportunity for the display of great taste in their selection and arrangement. Some of these souvenirs are exquisite specimens of hand-painting or etching, and are really little gems in their way ; the material is generally paper, but sometimes satin ribbons or choice bits of silk are used. In these latter days, table decorations have become marvellously beau- tiful ; the use of flowers is so universal that the resources of the florists are often taxed to the utmost to devise acceptable novelties. In the Ex- ecutive Mansion, on occasions of state dinners and ladies' luncheons given by the President and ladies of the White House, some very remarkable effects have been produced. HOME MANUAL. 75 During President Hayes' administration, Mrs. Hayes gave an even- ing reception to the diplomatic corps, Congress, the army and navy, and other distinguished officials of Washington, which was one of the most brilliant entertainments ever witnessed in the "White House. The quan- tity of flowers used in decorating the entire mansion was enormous, the corridors. East Room, Green Eoom, Blue Room, Red Room, state dining room, and private dining room being adorned with rare exotics. The tables in the state and private dining rooms were superbly ornamented. Every imaginable device was most exquisitely executed — floral flags, umbrellas, fountains, enormous groups of lilies-of-the-valley and violets, orchids, roses, carnations, and other fragrant flowers, made a bewilderingly beautiful scene. Under President Arthur's administration, on various occasions, the most superb floral decorations ever beheld were displayed in the city of "Washington. At one entertainment, a beautiful bridge, uniting the At- lantic and Pacific, extended almost the full length of the table ; the floor was ofsmilax, the railings and posts of carnations, and the feathery green of the asparagus. At the end of the bridge rose a most exquisite floral column, surmounted by a beautiful gas-light, with the shade exquisitely wrought of flowers. Beneath this bridge lay a mirror, which reflected the whole structure. Again, at a dinner party given to the Justices of the Supreme Court and Congress, the table was shaped like the letter " T," in the middle of P>iA/4 . ciWa>n- , which stood the Temple of Justice, with its exquisite wreaths and festoons of rare flowers, roof of carnations, and dome of beautiful orchids, floored by a mirror with a lovely fountain in the centre. At each end were other floral designs, representing the Scales of Justice and many other appro- priate devices. To obtain flowers enough for such elaborate decoration, the conserva- tories of Philadelphia, New York, and Boston were ransacked, "We might mention, in addition, many superb entertainments that have been given by the cabinet officials, foreign ministers, and private citizens of "Wash- ington, where, perhaps, more nas been done in that line than in any other city in the Union. 76 HOME MANUAL. IBtiquette of fflmasijington ^ocietg. Washington has now become the Mecca of so many Americans, who desire to pass a few weeks of the gay season in our beautiful national cap- ital, or in the transaction of political business spend more or less time in the city, during the session of Congress, that no summary of the rules of etiquette, however brief, can be regarded as complete without mention of certain points in which its customs are peculiar to itself; because, in addition to the resident population, it contains a class of officials who are to be found nowhere else in America. At the head of this official society stand, of course, the President of the United States and his wife, and it includes all officers elected by the people or appointed by the President in' the three branches of the Government, as well as the officials appointed by the President in the various Departments, with the members of their families. This includes officers of the Army and l!^avy, and Marine Corps ; persons holding Gov- ernment offices in different States of the Union, and officers of the Diplo- »matic or Consular services of the United States, who may chance to be in the city. Another class includes members of the Diplomatic and Consular Corps of foreign countries, officers of foreign governments, and officers of State or municipal governments of the United States who may be in the city. The remaining class comprises residents from other places, visitors whose social position at home entitles them to recognition, and permanent residents — either men of wealth or those who are engaged in mercantile or professional business. These three classes compose the cpmplex web of what is termed "Washington society, and a knowledge of its rules will tend to smooth the pathway of all who desire to enter its circle, whether for a longer or shorter period. The order of official rank, as established by constitutional recogni- tion, law, and usage, is as follows : 77 f8 HOME MANUAL. The President. o ■, a ^. je The Vice-President, who is also the President of the benate. it the office of Vice-President is vacant, the President of the Senate pro tempore. The Chief Justice of the United States. Senators. ' The Speaker. Representatives in Congress. Associate Justices of the United States. CHIEF JUSTICE MELVILLE W. FULLER. The Members of the Cabinet, in the order of succession to the Presi- dency, as fixed by Act 19, 1886. The members of the Foreign Diplomatic Corps, in the order of the presentation of their credentials to the President. Foreign members of International Commissions, and official counsel, with the Legations of their countries, take their places with the Secretary of State. The General of the Army and the Admiral of the Navy. The Governors of States. The Chief Justices and Associate Justices of the Court of Claims. HOME MANUAL. 79 Circuit and District Judges of the United States. Chief Justices and Associates of the Territories and District of Columbia. The Lieutenant General and Vice- Admiral. Major-Grenerals, Eear Admirals, and Officers of the Staff of equal rank. Brigadier-Generals and Commodores, Chiefs of Semi-Independent Civil Bureaus, Chiefs of Departmental Bureaus in the order of their chief officers. Colonels, Captains of the Navy, Staff officers of equal rank, the Colonel of the Marine Corps. Consuls-General and Consuls of Foreign Governments, according to date of exequator, and the same of the United States, according to seniority of service. Lieutenant-Colonels and Majors of the Army and Commanders and Lieutenant-Commanders of the Navy, and Staff" Officers of equal rank. The Commissioners of the District of Columbia, Governors of Territories, Lieutenants of the Army and Navy. Captains, First and Second Lieutenants of the Army, Lieutenants, Masters, and Ensigns of the Navy, and Staff officers of equal rank. Assistant Secretaries of Executive Departments, Secretaries of Lega- tion, Secretaries of the Senate and House of Representatives, and Clerk of the Supreme Court. The order of precedence in each branch of the Executive, Legislative, iTudicial, Military, Naval, and Marine Services, is governed by the order of rank and regulation. The wives of persons occupying these various official positions take precedence with their husbands. , CALLS. The President never returns calls, except those from a Sovereign, President, or ruler of an independent government, who invariably pays the first visit. The Vice-President and Senators receive first calls from the Associate Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States, the Cabinet, the Foreign" Ministers, and others below them. The same rule applies to their families. Representatives in Congress call first upon all persons in the higher grades, as also does the Speaker off the House. The Associate Justices of the Supreme Court receive the first call from all officers except the President, Vice-President, and Senators. The Secretary of State and other members of the Cabinet receive the 80 HOME MANUAL. SEWARD MANSION. HOME MANUAL, 81 first call from Foreign Ministers, but the families of Cabinet Ministers call first upon the families of Diplomatic Ministers. A distinguished stranger visiting "Washington pays the first call upon a resident official of equal rank. Any newly appointed official, no matter what may be his rank, pays the first call upon those above him, and receives the first from those in lower grades. Strangers arriving in Washington should pay the first call and leave a card, and this visit should be returned within two days. The rule applies to both social and official visits. *A11 these regulations in regard to calls of etiquette paid by officials apply to the ladies of their families, with the sole exception of the first call paid by the families of Cabinet Ministers upon the ladies of the Diplomatic Corps. THE SEASON. The social season begins with the receptions at the White House, and by the Cabinet Ministers on IN'ew Year's Day, and ends with the begin- ning of Lent. The Congressional season commences on the first Monday in Decem- ber, and ends with the session, or earlier, if it is prolonged until the summer. RECEPTIONS. These entertainments are usually held only during the season, and are given on fixed days by the wives of the higher officials and other ladies prominent in society. ITo invitations are required, and any repu- table person who is suitably dressed can attend. Gentlemen may also go- either with or without ladies. The host is present or absent, as inclina- tion dictates. The usual hours are from three to six. The reception days, allotted by the sanction of custom to the wives of the different officials, are as follows : Mondays, the families of the Justices of the Supreme Court of the United States, and ladies living on Capitol Hill. Tuesdays, families of the Speaker and Representatives in Congress,, and of the General of the Army. Wednesdays, families of the Cabinet Ministers. Thursdays, families of the Vice-president and Senators of the United States. 82 HOME MANUAL. Fridays, ladies residing in the West end, but not members of the official circle. Saturdays, the reception of the Mistress of the "White House. Ladies not in the official circle may select any one of the days mentioned, if the 11^, MRS. BENJAMIN HAKEISON. fact of residing in the same neighborhood with certain officials renders it more convenient for their callers. The etiquette of the reception is very simple. Hand a card to the usher, if there is one, and he will announcf the visitor's name. Exchange the usual civilities, and then pass on to HOME MANUAL. ' .^^^-^^^ ■■: . j\ : 1:- . :^*^- ■. /k,,^ ^^ 'K '■■■ ? •• .» ..■■ . ■ . ■ "■ ■ ■ ■- "■".'.,' '^ . ■* ;;. itr'f* »^ :■•" ^'^■