!!'!>(;vi 
 
ALBERT R. MANN 
 LIBRARY 
 
 New York State Colleges 
 
 OF 
 
 Agriculture and Home Economics 
 
 AT 
 
 Cornell University 
 
BJ 1857.H2"™" ""'™'*"y '■'""'•y 
 ,,,^°ys. girls and manners. 
 
 3 1924 014 060 184 
 
The original of tliis book is in 
 tine Cornell University Library. 
 
 There are no known copyright restrictions in 
 the United States on the use of the text. 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/cu31924014060184 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND 
 MANNERS 
 
 BY 
 
 FLORENCE HOWE HALL 
 
 Author of " The Correct Thing," " Handbook of 
 Hospitality," "Social Customs," etc. 
 
 Good manners are made op of petty sacrifices. , 
 Listen to eretr prompting of honor.^' — Emerson 
 
 BOSTON 
 
 DANA ESTES & CO. 
 
 PUBLISHERS 
 
Copyright, igis 
 By Dana Estes & Company 
 
 All rights resewed 
 
 BOYS, OIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
TO MY 
 DEAR DAUGHTER AND SONS 
 
 SAMUEL PRESCOTT HALL 
 
 CAROLINE MINTURN BIRCKHEAD 
 
 HENRY MASON HALL 
 
 AND 
 
 JOHN HOWE HALL 
 
 THIS LITTLE VOLUME 
 
 IS AFFECTIONATELY 
 
 DEDICATED 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER 
 
 I The Cardinal Points of Good Man- 
 
 
 NERS 
 
 11 
 
 II 
 
 Manners in the Home .... 
 
 35 
 
 III 
 
 Girls and their Mothers . 
 
 44 
 
 IV 
 
 Boys and their Mothers 
 
 50 
 
 V 
 
 Boys and their Fathers 
 
 54 
 
 VI 
 
 Brothers and Sisters .... 
 
 67 
 
 VII 
 
 The Servant in the House . 
 
 76 
 
 VIII 
 
 Manners at the Table .... 
 
 83 
 
 IX 
 
 How to Treat a Guest 
 
 103 
 
 X 
 
 How A Guest Should Behave . 
 
 115 
 
 XI 
 
 Manners at School . . . . . 
 
 131 
 
 XII 
 
 Manners at Boys' Schools . 
 
 141 
 
 XIII 
 
 Manners at Girls' Schools . . . 
 
 145 
 
 XIV 
 
 Manners at Co-educational 
 
 
 
 Schools 
 
 150 
 
 XV 
 
 Manners at Boarding-School . 
 
 156 
 
 XVI 
 
 Manners at College 
 
 164 
 
 XVII 
 
 Manners at Women's Colleges . 
 
 178 
 
 XVIII 
 
 Courtesy in the Street 
 
 184 
 
 XIX 
 
 The Courtesy of Travel . 
 
 202 
 
 XX 
 
 Manners in Public Places . . . 
 
 213 
 
 XXI 
 
 At the Telephone 
 
 233 
 
 XXII 
 
 On Voice and Language 
 
 240 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 CHAPTER PAGE 
 
 XXIII The Agreeable and the Tiresome 
 
 Talker 252 
 
 XXIV Dress and How to Wear It . . . 263 
 XXV At the Writing Desk .... 277 
 
 XXVI Invitations and Answers . . . 289 
 
 XXVII Hints for the Young Hostess . . 299 
 
 XXVIII Introductions 807 
 
 XXIX Class Day and Commencement Fes- 
 tivities S15 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 Emerson says that in order to acquire 
 good manners, we must live with the well- 
 bred from the start. He thus gently re- 
 minds American parents that they must 
 surround their children with an atmosphere 
 of courtesy from the cradle upward, if they 
 wish these to grow up to be courteous men 
 and women. We learn by imitation. Bbys 
 and girls take lessons in politeness or in 
 incivility from those around them. In order 
 to understand a subject thoroughly, how- 
 ever, we must study the laws which govern 
 it, just as we must learn the rules of gram- 
 mar, if we wish to speak correctly. In the 
 days of our grandparents, children were 
 carefully trained to good behavior. They 
 were early taught the consideration for 
 others which is the foundation of true 
 courtesy. 
 
 Parents in the twentieth century are so 
 anxious to make their boys and girls happy 
 that they sometimes neglect this important 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 branch of home training. Discipline is as 
 necessary for the individual as for the army. 
 Without it, no one can be thoroughly well- 
 bred. 
 
 "Self command is the main elegance." 
 When the officer begins to drill his troops, he 
 finds the book of tactics an invaluable guide. 
 In the training of boys and girls, a brief and 
 simple book of rules should be of assistance 
 to parents, teachers and to the young people 
 themselves. This little volume has been 
 prepared in the hope and belief that it may 
 prove both useful and interesting to boys 
 and girls, as well as to those in charge of their 
 social education. The rules are given, not 
 as dry and dusty skeletons, but as living 
 organisms, clothed in the tissue of anecdote 
 and illustration. 
 
 Floeence Howe Hall. 
 
 10 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 CHAPTER I 
 
 THE CAKDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 AGES and ages ago, before people 
 had any kings and queens to obey, 
 or any laws such as we have now, 
 they had a code of pohte behavior. The 
 rules of manners and etiquette formed the 
 earliest kind of government, and if one did 
 not follow those rules, there was serious 
 trouble. 
 
 So Mr. Herbert Spencer tells us, and he 
 founds his theory on the condition of the 
 savage tribes living in the world to-day. 
 All mankind were once very much like these 
 unciviHzed races, but the rest of us have 
 grown and developed gradually into en- 
 lightened nations. Learned men have 
 studied the behavior of these wild people 
 very carefully, because they hope to find out 
 from watching these, how our ancestors be- 
 haved in the dim past. 
 
 11 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Thus Mr. Spencer tells us that among the 
 natives of Australia, "Strangers meeting 
 must remain some time silent: a mile from 
 an encampment, approach has to be h6r- 
 alded by loud cooeys: a green bough is used 
 as an emblem of peace, and brotherly feel- 
 ing is indicated by an exchange of names." 
 
 This same idea about the green bough 
 prevailed among the ancient Greeks. On 
 the frieze of the Parthenon, some of the 
 sculptured figures have branches in their 
 hands. These are the women from other 
 lands who hold the boughs in token of peace 
 and friendship. 
 
 Whether Mr. Spencer is right or not, in 
 supposing that the earliest government is 
 that of ceremonial observances, we cannot 
 be sure. But it is certainly impossible for 
 us to imagine a human being without man- 
 ners of some sort, good or bad. Indeed 
 Mr. Spencer reminds us that even a well 
 trained dog has his canine code of etiquette. 
 My fox-terrier takes his food from my fin- 
 gers, in the most dainty way, knowing that 
 he must not snap nor bolt it. If he wishes 
 
 12 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 to come into the house, he does not think of 
 barking in a loud or ill-bred way. He gives 
 a single and gentle "Yap," succeeded by a 
 second, if his summons is not obeyed so 
 promptly as he thinks it should be. We call 
 this "Tan's way of ringing the door bell." 
 The little animal is certainly more polite 
 about it, than the people who ring long and 
 violently. Some persons are so impatient 
 that they will not wait a moment before 
 pressing the button hard, a second tiAie. 
 
 Since not only savage races of men but 
 dogs have their rules of good manners, cer- 
 tainly no boys or girls would wish to show 
 themselves inferior in civilization to wild 
 men and animals. Boys naturally and 
 properly object to affected ways. They 
 sometimes confuse affectation and good 
 breeding. The former is certainly dis- 
 agreeable and unnecessary. A well-bred 
 person need not be in the least affected. 
 We are in danger of becoming so, the mo- 
 ment we try to copy exactly the manners of 
 another person. Instead of doing this, we 
 must try to improve those that are natural 
 
 13 
 
BOTS, &IRIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 to us. A wise teacher does not say to a boy : 
 
 "Speak just as I do." 
 She points out to him the faults in his 
 enunciation. She perhaps tells him that he 
 talks too loud, or speaks through his nose. 
 She tries to help him to conquer his defects. 
 In this way, he learns to be polite, while he 
 remains simple and manly in demeanor. 
 
 The best manners are the simplest. 
 Kings and queens are thought to be the best- 
 bred people in the world, for they are 
 carefully drilled in behavior almost from 
 the cradle. They are quiet, natural, at their 
 ease. In a word, they thoroughly under- 
 stand the laws of politeness. If we think 
 of these as something very hard to compre- 
 hend, we make a great mistake. When we 
 study the subject in the right way, we find 
 it clear, simple and interesting. 
 
 It will help us to remember the laws of 
 good breeding if we write them down on a 
 new sort of mariner's compass. We will 
 give this the usual round, clock-like face; 
 but instead of putting down the cardinal 
 points of the compass, as the sailors do, 
 14 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNEBS 
 
 north, south, east and west, that is to say, 
 we will inscribe our new instrument with the 
 cardinal or chief points of good manners. 
 The most important of these is kindness of 
 heart. This corresponds to the north of the 
 old compass. The sailor can find his way 
 across the trackless ocean, because the needle 
 guides him. It always seeks the north. So 
 we can find a path through all the difiiculties 
 which meet us, in our journey through life, 
 if we only turn our faces in the right direc- 
 tion. If we look steadily toward the North- 
 star of kindness to our fellow men, if we 
 obey the golden rule, we shall not be likely 
 to make any serious error of conduct. We 
 shall not say things to wound other people, 
 or to make fun of them. 
 
 In order to be truly kind, we must not be 
 entirely wrapped up in our own afi'airs. If 
 we are, we shall become cold and selfish. 
 N^one of us wants to be like the miller of 
 D'*?', who said: 
 
 "I care for nobody, no not I, 
 And nobody cares for me." 
 
 Some children refuse to take any interest 
 
 U 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 in what their companions are doing. Per- 
 haps John is very clever with his jack-knife, 
 and has whittled out a toy boat. If his 
 friend Tom is the right kind of boy, he will 
 watch John's work with pleasure. He will 
 not say, "Oh, that isn't any kind of a 
 boat: my big brother can make one that's 
 twice as good ; better drop it, and come fish- 
 ing with me." The next day, Tom's father 
 gives him a bow and arrows and he hurries 
 over to show them to John. If the latter 
 declares that he doesn't care a fig for a bow, 
 it will be Tom's turn to feel aggrieved. 
 Yet Tom has behaved exactly like the miller 
 of Dee. He has refused to care for others, 
 and they naturally do not care for him. 
 Boys sometimes fancy that it is manly to be 
 indifferent to the f eehngs and sufferings of 
 other people. Our North American In- 
 dians held the same view, and loved to tor- 
 ture their foes. In a word, the savage is 
 stiU a child. But when races become civi- 
 lized, and boys grow into men, their hearts 
 become more tender. General Marion, the 
 Swamp Fox of the Revolution, beloved and 
 16 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNEES 
 
 admired by American boyhood, was noted 
 for his himianity. It is said that his sword 
 became rusted to his scabbard as he so 
 seldom drew it. General Sherman said, 
 "War is Hell." 
 
 If Tom really wanted very much to have 
 John go fishing with him that day, he 
 should have had a little more patience and 
 waited until his friend had finished the boat, 
 or reached a place in the carving where he 
 could readily stop. There is a right time to 
 do things, as well as a right way. When 
 Tom refused to take any interest in John's 
 boat, when he urged John to drop it at once 
 and come with him, he showed a lack of tact. 
 Tact is one of the cardinal points of good 
 manners, so we will call it east, on our new 
 compass. If we have tact, we can deal with 
 other people, without wounding, annoying 
 or mortifying them. It teaches us to say 
 the right thing at the right time and place. 
 The best way to cultivate tact is to use your 
 imagination. Try to put yourself in the 
 other person's place and try to realize how 
 you yourself would feel imder the circum- 
 
 17 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 stances. Tom ought to have remembered 
 that he himself didn't like to be interrupted 
 in what he was doing, if it was something 
 in which he was much interested. 
 
 Some very cruel speeches are made by 
 people who do not stop to think. A lady 
 whom I know, was threatened with blind- 
 ness. Nevertheless a friend gave her, on 
 her birthday, a beautiful work-table, a thing 
 she had long wanted to possess. Her niece, 
 a girl of fourteen, said to her, "But Aunty, 
 if you are going to be blind, you will not 
 need a work-table." The aunt told me that 
 when she heard this thoughtless but cruel 
 speech, the horrors of blindness came sud- 
 denly before her mind as they had never 
 done before. If this little girl had had any 
 tact, if she had "Put herself in her aunt's 
 place," she would have realized that it is a 
 very sad and dreadful thing to be threat- 
 ened with blindness. By reminding her 
 aunt of the danger, she gave her relative 
 very painful thoughts, without doing any 
 good. We must not recall sad and 
 painful things to people's minds, unless 
 
 J8 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 circumstances make it our duty to do so. 
 "^ For the southern point of our new com- 
 pass, we will choose reverence. Goethe, 
 the great German poet and thinker, says 
 that no one brings this virtue into the world 
 with him. We all have to acquire it. He 
 shows us the difference between reverence 
 and fear. Fear is natural. Men in a low 
 state of development, and even animals feel 
 it. Goethe says, "To fear is easy but 
 grievous, to reverence is difficult but satis- 
 factory." He tells a story of a large and 
 beautiful garden, where bands of children 
 play and study, under the guidance of cer- 
 tain wise old men. The boys have de- 
 lightful tiknes, riding on ponies and doing 
 ■ other pleasant things. They are very care- 
 fully taught the lesson of three-fold rever- 
 ence. First for what is above them, for 
 God, for their parents, teachers and supe- 
 riors. Second, ^for their companions and 
 equals, third for those in a humble position, 
 the weak, the lowly, the poor. 
 
 The first two forms of reverence are 
 found in other religions, as the poet reminds 
 
 19 
 
BOYS, GIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 us. Those of you who have studied Latin, 
 will remember how strongly the old Romans 
 insisted on the duty of the child toward the 
 parent, even after the boy had grown to 
 be a man. "Pious iEneas" earned this 
 title, because he saved his father from the 
 burning ruins of Troy, at the risk of his 
 own life. We have the same use of the 
 word in the expression, "Filial piety." The 
 Chinese reverence for their ancestors forms 
 an important part of their religion. In our 
 own Ten Commandments it is promised to 
 those that honor father and mother "That 
 their days shall be long in the land." 
 
 Our boys and girls in America love their 
 parents, and desire to have these treated with 
 respect by every one. Unfortunately their 
 own manner is not always what it should 
 be. An Englishman who was staying at 
 the house of one of our well-known writers, 
 was greatly surprised and troubled at the 
 rudeness of the eldest boy to his mother. 
 He became so indignant that, without real- 
 izing what he was doing, he seized the boy 
 by the arm, and marched him out of the 
 20 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 room. On his return, he apologized pro- 
 fusely to his hosts. It was inconceivable to 
 him, that parents should allow such conduct 
 to go unnoticed. I am sorry to say that 
 foreigners often comment on the lack of re- 
 spect shown by our young people toward 
 their parents and elders. 
 
 Reverence for others implies humility or 
 modesty on our own part. This is an 
 important element of modern manners, 
 founded as they are, on Christianity. The 
 well-bred man does not boast of his clever 
 deeds and brilliant talents. He does not 
 talk constantly about himself and his own 
 doings. He is careful not to say or do 
 things that will put other people at a dis- 
 advantage. It is a point in good manners 
 to prefer others before ourselves, to offer 
 them the best seats at table, in a carriage 
 or railway car, to pass them dishes before 
 helping ourselves. At a dinner, the hostess 
 goes into the dining-room last, making sure 
 that all her guests have found their way 
 there. The host leads, taking in the oldest 
 or the most distinguished lady. 
 
 21 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Of the third form of reverence — for the 
 weak and lowly — we find some traces in 
 other religions. But, as Goethe reminds us, 
 it flowered fully for the first time in Chris- 
 tianity. This beautiful spirit of reverence 
 for those weaker than ourselves, has much 
 to do with our modern code of manners. 
 The courtesy toward women, the protection 
 of children and even of animals and birds, 
 the considerate treatment of the poor and 
 the dependent, are all founded upon this 
 idea. When we read the New Testament, 
 it seems rather strange to us, that so much 
 emphasis is laid on the protection of chil- 
 dren. We forget that in those early days 
 the rights of the child were not recognized 
 as they are now. Parental affection was as 
 strong then, we may suppose, as it is now. 
 It usually sufficed to guard the little ones 
 from harm, but not always. The Greeks 
 and Romans gave the father the power of 
 life and death. If he chose, he could ex- 
 pose an infant — ^leave it to die. It is said 
 that among the Esquimaux this custom still 
 persists. We must remember that food is 
 22 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 sometimes extremely scarce with them, so 
 that they are in danger of starvation. Hence 
 they think it is right to expose a child, if 
 there is not enough to feed all mouths 
 throughout the winter. 
 
 In the old legends and fairy tales, we 
 find stories of children set afloat in chests, 
 or sent out in the forests to be eaten by wild 
 beasts. This was often done out of super- 
 stitious dread of some prophecy. The story 
 of (Edipus, or "Pierced foot," is a familiar 
 instance. 
 
 So we see what dangers we have all 
 escaped, by being born in a day when man- 
 ners are greatly influenced by Christianity. 
 We now emphasize so strongly the rights 
 of the weak, that even our animals are 
 guarded by law. We have Societies for the 
 Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, and 
 Audubon Societies for the Protection of 
 Birds. 
 
 — The fourth point in our new compass may 
 well be called punctuality. We all know 
 how important this virtue is, in the railroad 
 world. If one train is late, it puts out the 
 
 23 
 
BOYS, amis AND MANNEBS 
 
 running schedule of all the others, and a 
 dreadful collision is too often the result. 
 
 The same thing is true in all matters re- 
 lating to trade. Hence it is said that the 
 punctual man is the successful man — and 
 we write in our copybooks, 
 
 "Punctuality is the hinge of business." 
 
 Tardiness and a failure to keep one's ap- 
 pointments are very irritating and annoying 
 to the persons who are waiting. 
 
 Suppose that half a dozen girls have 
 agreed to meet at Mary's house, in order to 
 go together in the trolley-car to spend the 
 day with a friend in the country. All ar- 
 rive in good season except Jane. The 
 others wait and wait for her, until their pa- 
 tience is exhausted. Mary calls up Jane's 
 number on the telephone, but finds that the 
 latter is out, nobody knows where. By the 
 time every one has grown cross and tired, 
 she strolls in, in a leisurely way. 
 
 "Oh, Jane! how could you keep us all 
 
 waiting so long! We promised Susan we'd 
 
 take the eleven-forty trolley, and she was to 
 
 meet us with her pony-cart." "Was she? 
 
 24 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 Well, I guess she'll wait," replies Jane 
 coolly. 
 
 When the girls arrive at the end of the 
 trolley-line, they find Susan did not wait. 
 After a long, hot walk, they reach her house, 
 just as their friend and her family are fin- 
 ishing luncheon. 
 
 The pleasure of the day is spoiled for 
 every one, and all because of Jane's selfish- 
 ness. Of course she might have had a good 
 reason for being late. Suppose that her 
 mother was out, and that an aunt or some 
 elderly cousin arrived unexpectedly for a 
 visit. Jane would feel that she ought to 
 make arrangements for the comfort of her 
 relative, before leaving. She would not 
 wish to appear inhospitable by rushing in- 
 stantly away. When she found she would 
 be late, however, she should have telephoned 
 Mary and her friends, telhng them not to 
 wait for her, but to go forward. She could 
 then have followed on a later car. 
 
 If some young friend had come in to see 
 Jane, as she was about to start for Mary's 
 house, Jane should not have allowed herself 
 
 25 
 
BOYS, GIKIS AND MANNERS 
 
 to be detained. She should have explained 
 that several people were waiting for her, and 
 that she was obliged to go on. If we fail 
 to keep our engagements, whether these are 
 of a social or a business nature, we are dis- 
 courteous. Our conduct will be very apt to 
 annoy and irritate other people, hence it 
 may be the cause of discourtesy on their 
 part also. Therefore it is said that, 
 
 "Punctuality is the politeness of kings." 
 
 Royal folk are exact in keeping their en- 
 gagements and expect others to be the 
 same. 
 
 One of the ladies in waiting of Queen 
 Victoria arrived late for her service on a 
 certain occasion. The Queen handed her 
 own watch to the tardy comer, saying, "You 
 must allow me to present you with this, as 
 I see that your watch does not keep good 
 time." 
 
 At this rebuke, the duchess burst into 
 tears, and shortly afterwards sent in her 
 resignation as mistress of the robes. The 
 Queen would not accept it, however, as she 
 was very fond of the lady in question. We 
 26 
 
THE CABDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNEBS 
 
 may be sure that the latter never allowed her- 
 self to come late again. 
 
 We now have our four points of the com- 
 pass, but how about the magnetic needle? 
 A compass is not of much use without the 
 needle. It would be like a clock without 
 the hands. The little piece of steel that 
 gives the whole contrivance its value, must 
 be carefully polished and prepared, it must 
 be magnetized and hung on a pivot in such 
 a way that it can turn freely in any direc- 
 tion. Then we shall have a compass that 
 will be of some use. The magnetic needle 
 may be likened to each one of us, and the 
 process of preparing and polishing it we will 
 call culture, the culture of the mind, heart 
 and soul, of the inner man in a word, as well 
 as of the body or outer man. Unless we are 
 intelligent and sympathetic, we cannot be 
 truly polite, because we shall not under- 
 stand how other people think and feel. We 
 shall wound or irritate them, without intend- 
 ing to do so. The ignorant man is an ob- 
 stacle in every walk of life and on every oc- 
 casion. He often hampers and delays other 
 
 27 
 
BOYS, GIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 people and obstructs the path of progress, 
 because of his want of knowledge. Invent- 
 ors know this to their cost. They patent 
 some new kind of machinery which will ef- 
 fect a great saving in human labor, only 
 to find it bitterly opposed by the workmen. 
 
 It is a duty that we owe to others, as well 
 as to ourselves, to procure the best educa- 
 tion within our reach, to develop our powers 
 and to make the best use of the talents 
 which have been given us. It is evident 
 also that we must study etiquette, in order 
 to obey its rules. If we wish to mii^gle with 
 well-bred people, we must cultivate personal 
 refinement. This is an important part of 
 good manners, it need scarcely be said. We 
 must do nothing that will be unpleasant to 
 other people. Hence the necessity of learn- 
 ing to eat in a quiet and dainty way. We 
 must also avoid ungainly ways of walking, 
 and awkward postures of the body. It has 
 been said that grace is more beautiful than 
 beauty. 
 
 Now that dancing, gymnastic exercises 
 and athletic sports are so much in vogue, 
 28 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 girls as well as boys have many opportuni- 
 ties of learning how to use their muscles and 
 to keep them under control. The result is 
 seen in their bearing and movements. I 
 often admire the straight backs and erect 
 carriage of our young women of the pres- 
 ent day. They stand well and easily, yet 
 without stiffness. I am sorry to say that 
 when they sit down, we sometimes see a sur- 
 prising change. The habit of lounging in 
 a chair, sitting back almost on the shoul- 
 ders, is ugly. Everybody wants to rest 
 sometimes, but surely our vigorous young 
 men and women are able to sit up straight, 
 if they choose! I have heard business men 
 complain of the lack of good manners in 
 this respect, among young men. If Tom 
 apphes for a position in an office, he must 
 remember not to loll in his chair, in the pres- 
 ence of his employer. 
 
 Girls should carefully avoid adopting the 
 ways and manners of men. Human beings 
 are imitative and our young women some- 
 times fall into mannish habits, without real- 
 izdng it. In the twentieth century, the op- 
 
 29 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 portunities open to our sex are very great, 
 and constantly increasing. Public opinion 
 now allows a woman to exercise her talents 
 in almost any direction, provided always 
 that she does so in a womanly way! It is 
 neither necessary nor desirable that she 
 should always be thinking of her sex — ^this 
 would be apt to make her prudish. But her 
 natural modesty and instinctive refinement 
 should teach her to do aU things in a femi- 
 nine, never in a masculine fashion. A man 
 who is effeminate makes every one smile. 
 A woman who imitates the manners of a 
 man makes a very poor copy. We see this 
 demonstrated at the theater. Even the 
 cleverest actress fails to please us alto- 
 gether, when she takes a masculine part. 
 
 The girls who walk with a long stride, 
 swing their shoulders or stand with their 
 feet apart, may imagine that they have the 
 appearance of sportswomen. In reality, 
 they look as if they were trying to show 
 off, but not succeeding! 
 
 A lady should always stand with her feet 
 together, unless in some athletic sport which 
 30 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 necessitates a dijff erent attitude for a short 
 time. In the same way, her knees should 
 be together, when she sits down. Many 
 girls now sit with the knees crossed, an at- 
 titude which is decidedly ungraceful and to 
 which many people strongly object. To 
 take your seat on a table and swing your 
 feet, is not really a difficult thing to do. 
 Some girls think this sort of thing is smart 
 — :yet if they should go into the kitchen and 
 find Bridget seated in such fashion, they 
 would be much shocked. Surely the higher 
 our position in society, the more dignified 
 should be our behavior. 
 
 Other girls have a singular habit of sit- 
 ting with one foot tucked under them, mak- 
 ing it very awkward, if they are obliged to 
 stand up suddenly. Europeans have made 
 a great deal of fun of American men, for 
 their habit of putting their feet up on the 
 tables or window-sills. The attitude is cer- 
 tainly far from graceful. To place one's 
 feet on the rungs of another person's chair 
 is discourteous, as it is likely to make him 
 uncomfortable. 
 
 31 
 
BOYS, GIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 We shall speak in another chapter of 
 the young men who think it smart to behave 
 hke rowdies. What shall we say of those 
 who wish to be courteous and well-bred in 
 their demeanor, but who are hampered by 
 an awkwardness of movement, that makes 
 them very uncomfortable and self-con- 
 scious? 
 
 We should advise them to take lessons in 
 physical culture. In towns of any size, 
 there are usually branches of the Young 
 Men's Christian Association, where the fee 
 for such tuition is very small. A young 
 man of my acquaintance, who had a bad 
 trick of stumbling, joined a track team, un- 
 der a competent trainer. He not only re- 
 covered from this bad habit, but learned to 
 run well and gracefully. 
 
 If our young friends can become mem- 
 bers of a good dancing-class to which nice 
 young people belong, they will improve in 
 the proper use of arms and legs. But we 
 strongly advise them to avoid certain new 
 styles of dancing which are ugly, awkward 
 and sometimes very objectionable. So 
 32 
 
THE CARDINAL POINTS OF GOOD MANNERS 
 
 much has been said against these by well- 
 bred people and by the newspapers, that the 
 fashion is not likely to last long. If it does, 
 it should be modified to suit the rules of 
 good taste. 
 
 We have thus completed our new com- 
 pass, substituting a cardinal point of good 
 manners for each cardinal or chief point of 
 the mariner's compass. For the north, to 
 which the needle ever tends to return, we 
 have kindness of heart, the true foundation 
 of aU Christian courtesy. For the east we 
 have tact, the quality which enables us to 
 do the right thing at the right time and 
 place and prevents our wounding or an- 
 noying others by thoughtlessness or want of 
 consideration for their feelings. For the 
 south we have reverence, manifesting itself 
 in respect for other people and for ourselves. 
 For the west we have selected punctuality, 
 and for the magnetic needle, culture, in- 
 cluding education, knowledge of the laws of 
 politeness and personal refinement. Does 
 any one suggest that this is a fanciful ar- 
 rangement? It is, in a certain sense, but 
 
 33 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 we may find the same fault with the mar- 
 iner's compass. It has east marked on its 
 face, yet where is east? It is only a direc- 
 tion, not a place. No matter how far east 
 you go, you may still go farther, until at 
 last you will have sailed completely around 
 the world and come back again, to the place 
 from which you started. Nevertheless the 
 compass is indispensable to the sea-captain. 
 He could not steer his ship without it. We 
 shall find it much easier to trace a path 
 through the difficulties of social intercourse, 
 if we are guided by the laws of good man- 
 ners as shown on the face of our new com- 
 pass. 
 
 84i 
 
CHAPTER II 
 
 MANNERS IN THE HOME 
 
 HOME is the place that we all love 
 best. We do not, of course, want 
 to stay there every minute of the 
 day. There are many other places that we 
 enjoy visiting and where we have great good 
 times. The base-ball field and the swim- 
 ming-pool in summer, the frozen pond and 
 the smooth, snow-covered hills in winter, are 
 certainly delightful. But when the sun be- 
 gins to get low in the west, Tom and Susan 
 are glad, like the rest of the world, to turn 
 their faces toward home. 
 
 Here they are always sure of a welcome 
 — here Father and Mother are always glad 
 to see them return. That is what makes 
 home the best place of all, because those 
 who love us and whom we ourselves love, 
 live there. Father and Mother have done 
 their utmost to make it pleasant and at- 
 
 35 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 tractive. Every day Father goes to his 
 business to earn money to provide food, 
 clothing and shelter for the household. 
 Every day Mother spends time and 
 thought planning for the welfare and com- 
 fort of the family. All the care and anx- 
 iety are theirs. Tom and Susan are really 
 very much like the little robins in the nest. 
 They don't open their mouths wide, in quite 
 the same way, but they come to the table, 
 to find everything made ready for them. 
 All they have to do, is to sit down and eat. 
 
 Tom and Susan are so used to having 
 things done for them, that they do not 
 think very much about it. Yet deep down 
 in their hearts, there is a feeling of grati- 
 tude to the parents who have cared for them, 
 ever since they were little helpless babies. 
 They instinctively feel respect too, for the 
 father and mother who are able to do so 
 much. 
 
 The people who have the responsibility 
 
 must have the power of deciding what shall 
 
 and what shall not be done. The captain 
 
 controls the ship, the engine-driver runs the 
 
 36 
 
MANNEBS IN THE HOME 
 
 train, the parents direct the family. As the 
 children begin to grow up, they are allowed 
 more and more responsibility. Wise fa- 
 thers and mothers do not treat growing boys 
 and girls as if they were little children. 
 More and more freedom of choice is given 
 them, as the years bring greater discretion. 
 But so long as Tom and Susan are cared 
 for and supported by their parents, they 
 should certainly defer to the wishes of the 
 latter. 
 
 Respect for the father and mother, or for 
 the person who is in authority as the head of 
 the house, is the keynote of good manners 
 in the home. This respect should be 
 founded on affection, not on fear. In old 
 times, children were brought up with too 
 much severity, as we now think. Our an- 
 cestors loved their children as much as fa- 
 thers and mothers do now. Yet in their de- 
 sire to enforce discipline, they were often 
 too strict. Hence sons and daughters were 
 afraid of their parents, and that was a 
 sad state of things. 
 
 Fear and reverence are not the same 
 37 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 thing, as we have already seen. The best 
 way to govern a household is through re- 
 spect. The Bible bids us honor our par- 
 ents, not fear them. Thus in the family 
 we should have a willing and cheerful obe- 
 dience to the father and mother, because the 
 children know that these are older and wiser 
 than themselves. They know too, that the 
 parents want to do what is best for all. 
 The latter in their turn obey the laws of 
 the city and state, which have been framed 
 by generations of wise men, during many 
 centuries. Without obedience to the pow- 
 ers that be, we should return to a state of 
 anarchy and civilization would be destroyed. 
 If there is a grandmother or other elderly 
 relative living in the house, the young peo- 
 ple should treat her with the respect and 
 tenderness due to a dear kinswoman who is 
 "Declining into the vale of years." The 
 relations between grandparents and grand- 
 children are usually very happy ones. Tom 
 and Susan will be glad to do little errands 
 for grandfather and to help him in many 
 small ways. 
 
 88 
 
MANNERS IN THE HOME 
 
 In dealing with those who are beginning 
 to grow old, we need a great deal of tact. 
 We must be careful not to give them the 
 impression that we consider them really 
 aged and unable to do anything for them- 
 selves. We do not want to be like a cer- 
 tain little boy of my acquaintance, who was 
 much attached to an old friend of his par- 
 ents. Mr. D. visited them every summer 
 and John felt very badly when he went 
 away. On one occasion he tried to comfort 
 his little admirer. 
 
 "Never mind, John, I shall come again 
 next year," observed Mr. D. 
 
 "Oh, but you may be dead next summer. 
 Old people often die," replied the child art- 
 lessly. 
 
 Tom and Susan know better than to 
 make such a speech as John's, but the little 
 story may remind them to be tactful in deal- 
 ing with elderly people. 
 
 To be neat and orderly, is an important 
 part of good manners in the home. Tom 
 should remember always to take off his over- 
 shoes before entering the house, or if he has 
 
 39 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 none on, then to pay his respects to the door- 
 mat. 
 
 If he has a particular place in which to 
 put his books when he returns from school, 
 he will save himself and everyone else a 
 great deal of trouble. It is to be hoped 
 that he is also careful to hang up his hat 
 and cqat, instead of leaving them about in 
 the hall. 
 
 Many boys think washing the face and 
 hands and smoothing the hair before com- 
 ing to the table, is a foolish superstition. 
 Yet they are willing to yield to it, out of 
 deference to Mother's wishes. Perhaps, 
 too, Tom thinks he would like to be a sur- 
 geon when he grows up. In that case, he 
 will have to go through all sorts of cleans- 
 ing operations. There never was an age in 
 which cleanliness was so greatly valued as 
 in our own, because science has taught us 
 that this is of the utmost importance in 
 fighting sickness. We know now that the 
 terrible scourges so dreaded by mankind — 
 cholera, yellow fever, typhoid fever and 
 many others — are simply "Dirt diseases." 
 40 
 
MANNEBS IN THE HOME 
 
 When Tom thinks of these things, he may 
 be reconciled to washing his hands before 
 eating. 
 
 It is a delightful thing to hear the merry- 
 voices of boys and girls. The house seems 
 strangely sad and empty when they are all 
 away. Father and Mother are always glad 
 to see them return. Yet sometimes the 
 noise is rather overpowering. Tom's shoes 
 on the hard wood floors produce an aston- 
 ishing amount of sound. If you should say 
 to him, "Why, Tom, you make more noise 
 than a whole herd of wild animals," he 
 would be both hurt and surprised. Yet the 
 statement would be true. Animals in a 
 state of nature move about quietly. If 
 they did not, they would soon be killed or 
 captured by their enemies. Our Ameri- 
 can Indians wore soft moccasins which 
 made their footsteps as noiseless as those of 
 the fox or the hare. Civilized man is the 
 only creature that goes about with a re- 
 sounding tread. Tom should remember 
 that his thick, heavy boots were intended to 
 protect him from cold and wet. They were 
 
 41 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 not meant for use indoors. Hence when 
 he comes into the house, he should replace 
 them by lighter shoes, or if that is not con- 
 venient, he should move about quietly. 
 
 He should be especially careful to do this, 
 if he gets up in the morning before the rest 
 of the household, or if he comes in late in 
 the evening, after some of the family have 
 gone to bed. 
 
 No one likes to be awakened from a 
 sound sleep by the noise of voices in the 
 halls or by that of creaking boots on the 
 staircase. Susan and Tom will remember 
 to avoid disturbing other people in this way, 
 when they come back from the theatre or 
 from a dance. 
 
 Since home is the place we love best, we 
 all want to make it a bright and happy one. 
 For this purpose, we must all take a cheer- 
 ful view of life and endeavor to make the 
 best of things. A household where some 
 one is always finding fault with somebody 
 else, or complaining about the food or the 
 weather, is not a pleasant place. 
 
 Good temper is an important part of 
 42 
 
MANNERS IN THE HOME 
 
 good manners. The moment we become 
 cross or out of sorts, we are in danger of 
 saying disagreeable and discourteous things. 
 
 It is well for all of us to cultivate a 
 philosophical disposition. Our geography- 
 books tell us that the inhabitants of the 
 Temperate Zone are the finest people in the 
 world, because they must constantly strug- 
 gle with the difficulties of the climate. In 
 the tropics, where everything grows abim- 
 dantly and little effort is necessary, the na- 
 tives are indolent. Overpowered by the in- 
 tense heat, they are obliged to keep quiet 
 during a great part of the day, and make 
 little progress. 
 
 The same thing is true in the life of each 
 one of us. The difficulties and troubles we 
 dislike, help us to grow and develop. So 
 we learn to think of them as friends in dis- 
 guise. 
 
 Another way to promote cheerfulness and 
 good temper, is to cultivate a sense of hu- 
 mor. A kindly humor that is to say, the 
 sort that enables us to laugh idth other peo- 
 ple, not at them. 
 
 43 
 
CHAPTER III 
 
 GIRLS AND THEIK MOTHERS 
 
 IN some parts of our country and in 
 some families, people adhere to the old 
 traditions of behavior, while elsewhere 
 newer theories prevail. As a rule, the rela- 
 tions between the parent and the child are 
 less reserved and formal than they were in 
 the days of our grandfathers. 
 
 Indeed there is serious danger of making 
 our young people spoiled and selfish, 
 through over-indulgence on the part of their 
 parents. We hear much complaint on this 
 score, from teachers and others. Men and 
 women who feel that their own childhood 
 was made less happy by too great strictness, 
 have determined that their sons and daugh- 
 ters shall not suffer in the same way. The 
 result is, that they go to the other extreme. 
 It is safe to prophesy that before very long 
 there will be a great change. Indeed the 
 44 
 
GIBXS AND THEIB MOTHEBS 
 
 reaction has begun already, and we see in- 
 stances of it, like the following: 
 
 A young matron of my acquaintance, who 
 sadly neglected her lessons for dances when 
 she was a schoolgirl, now has a boy and a 
 girl of her own. She is a most aifectionate 
 and devoted mother, giving a great part of 
 her time to her children. But she allows 
 nothing to interfere with their studies. The 
 lessons must be learned — ^that is the first 
 rule of the household. 
 
 This young mother had learned from her 
 own experience that too much freedom is 
 bad for those who are still immature. 
 Hence she determined that her own boy and 
 girl should not grow up ignorant, for lack 
 of discipline. A certain amount of this, ad- 
 ministered firmly yet with kindness, is a ne-% 
 cessity in family life, as in the world out- 
 side. 
 
 The expressions "Sir" and "Ma'am" are 
 much less used than formerly. "Yes, 
 Mother" or "No, Mother" are often substi- 
 tuted, and they sound better than the bald 
 monosyllables. It would be tiresome bow- 
 
 45 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND lEANNEBS 
 
 ever to hear these phrases repeated all the 
 time, so that plain "Yes" or "No" should 
 be used as alternatives occasionally, pro- 
 vided always that these little words are ut- 
 tered in a tone of respect. If a teacher or 
 some other older person wishes the young 
 people to say "Sir" or "Ma'am" when 
 speaking to him or to her, they will of course 
 do so. Otherwise they would show them- 
 selves lacking in politeness. 
 
 The old rule which prescribed that par- 
 ents and elders should always be allowed to 
 precede, remains in full force on all occa- 
 sions, both at home and abroad. Tom and 
 Susan will be careful to let mother go first 
 through a doorway or up a flight of steps. 
 If they are at the foot of the staircase and 
 see that she is about to come down, they will 
 wait where they are until she has done so, 
 especially if the staircase is narrow. They 
 will thus avoid passing by and crowding her 
 on the steps. For the same reason, they 
 will not go down, if she is ascending the 
 staircase. 
 
 It was formerly considered the proper 
 46 
 
GIRLS AND THEIR MOTHERS 
 
 thing for children to stand in the presence of 
 their parents, and I am told that this cus- 
 tom now prevails in some parts of Scot- 
 land. We still expect that boys will rise 
 when mother enters the room and a girl who 
 does so shows that she is well-bred. 
 
 A young girl said to me once, "But 
 Mamma is constantly coming in and out of 
 the room where I am. Do you think I 
 should get up every time?" I told her that 
 here, as in all matters connected with man- 
 ners, she must use her common sense. 
 Having once risen to greet her mother, hav- 
 ing asked whether she could do anything for 
 the latter, and offered her a chair, it would 
 not be necessary to leave her seat, if her 
 mother should come in again. 
 
 To bring up a comfortable chair for the 
 latter, to offer her a place near the reading- 
 lamp or by the fire, to place a sofa-pillow at 
 her back and hand her the day's paper or 
 the last magazine, are pleasant little cour- 
 tesies for young people to offer to their 
 mothers. 
 
 But perhaps we may ask, "How did it 
 47 
 
BOTS, OIBIS AND lilANNEBS 
 
 happen that Mamma came in and out of the 
 room so often, while her daughter was sit- 
 ting there? Was the latter doing her part 
 in the work of the household, or was she 
 allowing Mother to do everything un- 
 aided?" 
 
 An old proverb says: "A light-heeled 
 mother makes a heavy-heeled daughter." 
 Some very active women are inclined to do 
 everything themselves, but it is the daugh- 
 ter's pleasant privilege to share the labor, 
 and so lessen the burden on mother's shoul- 
 ders. 
 
 If Susan is going out, she will ask 
 whether there is any errand she can do. If 
 she brings back any parcels, she will find out 
 what Mother would like to have done with 
 them. Some children are in such a hurry 
 to start out, that they hand Mamma what- 
 ever they happen to be holding, as if she 
 were a bureau or a hat-rack! 
 
 When Susan goes out with her mother, 
 
 she should remember to help the latter with 
 
 her suit-case or her parcels. If she has 
 
 charge of her own mending, it is to be hoped 
 
 48 
 
GIRIS AND THEIR MOTHERS 
 
 that she will darn her stockings and put 
 a fresh collar in her gown, in good season. 
 Otherwise, there will be a tremendous rush 
 and hurry at the last moment. Mamma 
 will probably be obhged to lend her aid, 
 even though she has not a minute to spare. 
 
 It is probable that Susan has one or more 
 young friends, to whom she likes to tell aU 
 her plans and adventures. But we hope 
 she will always remember that no one is so 
 deeply interested in her affairs, no one 
 loves her so dearly and so unselfishly as her 
 parents. The girl who makes a confidante 
 of her mother, shows that she is a wise as 
 well as a loving daughter. 
 
 49 
 
CHAPTER IV 
 
 BOYS AND THEIR MOTHERS 
 
 EVERY active, healthy hoy rejoices 
 in the strength of his muscles and in 
 his powers of endurance. Every 
 manly boy likes to use some of that strength 
 to help his mother. He has a chivalrous 
 desire to protect and aid her, as the weaker 
 vessel. 
 
 Perhaps she is stronger than he thinks, 
 but she is glad to accept the little services 
 which he wishes to render to her. He feels 
 that he must take Father's place when the 
 latter is away, and Mother, if she is wise, 
 wiU let him do so whenever she can. 
 
 If he is a careful boy, she will allow him 
 to lock up the house and put out the lights, 
 instead of doing this herself. If a letter 
 is to be posted at the corner or the dog has 
 to go out for an airing, Tom will be glad 
 to do these things, to spare Mother. When 
 50 
 
BOYS AND THEIB MOTHERS 
 
 they are traveling together, he should buy 
 the tickets and check the trunks, just as 
 soon as he can be safely trusted to do so. 
 
 He will put on and take off Mother's 
 overshoes. If he is tall enough, he will 
 hold the umbrella over her — ^but this he 
 should not attempt, until his height equals 
 hers. In the Pullman, he will find a cush- 
 ion for her feet, or get the porter to do so. 
 Mother will be glad of his assistance, when 
 passing along the swaying train to the din- 
 ing car. Here Tom of course arranges to 
 have her face forward, taking the seat go- 
 ing in the other direction, if it is necessary 
 for some one to do this. If she consents, 
 he writes out the bill of fare and pays for 
 the meal. He summons the porter, when- 
 ever Mother wishes to speak to that func- 
 tionary, or gives the orders himself, if he 
 is big enough. 
 
 On board ship, if the weather is rough, he 
 can really do a good deal to help and pro- 
 tect Mother. She will be glad of his aid, 
 in going up and down the companionway or 
 in walking on deck. Tom feels quite grown 
 
 51 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 up, as he arranges her cushions in the 
 steamer chair and tucks her up comfortably, 
 in her warm rugs. 
 
 He will help her on to a car or into a 
 carriage, before entering himself. He will 
 endeavor to get out first, in order that he 
 may offer her his hand and so assist her to 
 descend. 
 
 On meeting or parting with her in the 
 street, it is to be hoped he will remember 
 to raise his hat, as he would when greeting 
 any other lady. 
 
 If Tom is old enough to do all these little 
 thoughtful offices for his mother, he need 
 hardly be reminded to take off his hat, when 
 he comes into the house. 
 
 Some American boy who reads this chap- 
 ter may say, "My mother wouldn't let me 
 do half those things for her! She wouldn't 
 like it if I tried." Perhaps not. Perhaps 
 you are not quite old enough yet, or not 
 quite big and strong enough. But the day 
 will come, sooner or later, when she will love 
 to lean on her dear son. Not because she is 
 not able to wait upon herself, but because 
 52 
 
BOYS AND THEIR MOTHERS 
 
 she is glad to accept his loving service. 
 We must never insist, however, on doing 
 things for other people, when it is plain they 
 prefer relying on their own efforts. Our 
 manly American boy should watch his 
 chance and assist his mother, whenever he 
 can. Thus a pleasant habit of helpfulness 
 and mutual dependence will grow up — for 
 his mother of course is always planning for 
 her boy's happiness and good. 
 
 We trust that Tom as well as Susan, will 
 make his mother the confidante of his hopes, 
 purposes and plans. 
 
 53 
 
CHAPTER V 
 
 BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 A BOY of the right sort is glad to 
 have a chance to assist his father 
 as well as his mother, but in a 
 rather different way. He knows from his 
 own feelings that there are certain things a 
 man prefers to do himself, while others he 
 is very willing to have done for him. Thus 
 Tom sends his younger brother on all sorts 
 of errands. But if the latter should offer 
 to help him on with his coat, Tom would 
 reject the proposal with scorn. He does 
 not want to be bothered in that way — and 
 he knows that Father does not, either. 
 
 Tom is perhaps not very fond of doing 
 errands himself. He sometimes wonders 
 why his younger brother Jim is not sent. 
 If he is tempted to say, "Why don't you 
 ask Jim to go, instead of me?" we hope he 
 will resist the temptation. It is a part of 
 , 54 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 good manners to comply cheerfully with 
 such requests, instead of suggesting the em- 
 ployment of some one else. 
 
 Tom can comfort himself with the reflec- 
 tion that his father selected him, because the 
 latter had confidence in his ability to do the 
 task well. He should look upon himself as 
 the faithful lieutenant who is entrusted 
 with the orders of the general in command. 
 In the army, no one ever asks to have some 
 one else sent in his place. If he did, he 
 would be punished at once, for such a pro- 
 ceeding would be subversive of all discipline. 
 
 If Father asks Tom to go to the drug- 
 store for a prescription, or to return a book 
 to the library on a wet evening, the errand 
 may seem easier, if he remembers the lieu- 
 tenant point of view. A soldier wouldn't 
 mind a little rain, nor would he expect to 
 sit in his slippers by the fire-side, when work 
 was to be done abroad. So Tom puts on 
 his boots with as much vigor as if he were 
 storming a fortification, sallies out and does 
 the errand. He returns with cheeks all wet 
 and glowing from the wind and rain, hav- 
 
 55 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 ing rather enjoyed his tussle with the ele- 
 ments. 
 
 It is the general's place to give the orders, 
 the lieutenant's to carry them out. In the 
 family, the father is at the head, and the 
 son does not attempt to issue directions nor 
 to usurp the former's authority in any way, 
 unless by his request or in his absence. 
 
 There is a great difference, however, be- 
 tween an army and a family. The general 
 in command may or may not be personally 
 attached to his subordinates, but the father 
 loves his children. Hence he sympathizes 
 with them in all their pursuits and under- 
 takings, more than they sometimes realize. 
 
 Tom thinks Father is very unkind, be- 
 cause he does not at once give his consent 
 to Tom's taking part in the relay race. 
 Tom is inclined to sulk and to feel that 
 Father is very unreasonable. 
 
 By-and-by, when the latter is assured by 
 the physician that his son's heart is strong 
 enough to stand the race, he allows Tom to 
 enter for it. Great is the boy's surprise, 
 when he comes down the cinder track at the 
 56 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 head of the bunch, to see Papa sitting in the 
 grand stand, cheering lustily. "Why, Fa- 
 ther, I didn't know you cared anything 
 about races!" exclaims Tom, when he 
 reaches home in the evening. "Of course I 
 care about them when you're going to run! 
 Don't you suppose I like to see my boy take 
 first place?" is the reply. 
 
 Tom begins to see a new light. Hitherto 
 he has looked upon his parent as a person 
 who never was young, or who had forgotten 
 all about the things boys care for. Now 
 he suddenly realizes that his father is still 
 young at heart, and is still interested in ath- 
 letic contests. Tom confides to his friend 
 Jones, "Why, the Pater is a dead game 
 sport!" When he next comes home from 
 the track meet or base-ball game, he tells 
 his father all about it, and the two get on 
 famously together. 
 
 It is a great step toward happy relations 
 between parents and their children, when 
 the latter realize that the father and mother 
 are interested in all that they do. 
 
 Little children do not need to be told this, 
 57 
 
BOYS, GIELS AND MANNEBS 
 
 they know it instinctively, but growing 
 boys and girls sometimes lose sight of this 
 important truth, for a time. They will re- 
 discover it sooner or later, and the sooner 
 the better. Father and Mother enjoy 
 hearing about the pleasant times the young 
 people have had. Tom and Susan can feel 
 quite sure that in their parents they have 
 two attentive and sympathetic listeners. 
 They must, of course, select a favorable mo- 
 ment for telling the story. It would show 
 want of tact to interrupt Mother when she 
 was busy giving orders for the day, or dress- 
 ing to go out. When Father is occupied 
 with business papers, he does not want to be 
 disturbed. 
 
 Tact, as we said in one of the earlier 
 chapters, is a cardinal point of good man- 
 ners. This virtue must be acquired. Chil- 
 dren do not have it when they are young. 
 A little child demands the attention of his 
 mother or nurse, at any moment. The 
 busier they are with other matters, the more 
 urgent are his claims upon them. This is 
 not because he is naughty. He feels a cer- 
 58 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 tain excitement in the air, when visitors are 
 expected for instance. The activity all 
 about him stirs him into action, and he wants 
 the sympathy and interest to which he is ac- 
 customed. 
 
 By-and-by, as he grows older, he learns 
 consideration for others. When we begin 
 to understand what other people's thoughts 
 and feelings are, we shall dislike to do 
 things that will annoy and disturb them. 
 In a word, as we become considerate, we also 
 become tactful. We sometimes see people 
 who have never learned this lesson, persons 
 who remain absorbed in themselves and their 
 own wishes, throughout their lives. We 
 call these spoiled children, and their selfish- 
 ness makes them extremely unpopular. 
 
 As We have intimated, Tom and Susan 
 must watch their chance, when they have 
 long stories to tell. If their father is an 
 extremely busy man, it may be better to re- 
 late their experiences to Mother. They 
 may rest assured that she will hand on to 
 him anything of special interest. 
 
 We spoke just now of the greater free- 
 59 
 
BOYS, GIELS AND MANNEBS 
 
 dom that should be allowed young people, 
 as they begin to grow up. Among the fa- 
 thers of my acquaintance is a gentle- 
 man who is extremely fond of his children 
 and who is very wise as well as firm in his 
 treatment of them. He says, with much 
 truth, "No matter how carefully you watch 
 your children, you can't prevent their being 
 exposed to danger and temptation. I be- 
 lieve in making boys self-reliant, in trusting 
 to their honor, in training them to be, as 
 they grow older, a law unto themselves. A 
 boy who is never allowed to go in the wa- 
 ter, will never learn to swim; a boy who is 
 never accustomed to depend on himself, 
 runs far greater risk of losing his life, or of 
 falling into temptation, when the moment 
 comes, as it will come sooner or later, when 
 he is thrown upon his own resources, than 
 does the boy who has been trained to take 
 care of himself." But if boys want to be 
 trusted, they must certainly show themselves 
 worthy of trust. If Tom is wise enough to 
 convince his father that he is old enough 
 and manly enough to deserve confidence, I 
 60 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 think he will be sure to receive it. And 
 perhaps one of the best ways to win the 
 confidence of parents, is to show a willing- 
 ness to help and please them. I'm afraid 
 some boys have a theory — ^though perhaps 
 they do not know it themselves — that par- 
 ents are a convenient species of machine 
 made for the sole purpose of housing, feed- 
 ing and clothing boys and girls — ^and for 
 providing money to pay for their children's 
 amusements. 
 
 Young people are apt to take it for 
 granted that the money wiU be forthcom- 
 ing to buy them plenty of new suits and 
 an endless succession of boots, to pay for a 
 comfortable house and to make all repairs, 
 with a good margin left over for the pur- 
 chase of guns, printing-presses, scroll-saws, 
 baseballs and bats, tennis rackets, books, 
 magazines and numerous other articles, all 
 very nice for boys to have, but expensive 
 for parents to buy. 
 
 All this shows that the boys have perfect 
 faith in their fathers, but faith of this sort, 
 while it is very flattering, is sometimes quite 
 
 61 
 
BOTS, OIBXS AND MANNEBS 
 
 inconvenient. Dear boys, not for all the 
 world would we place on your young 
 shoulders the heavy burden of cares that 
 often rests on those of your parents. It is 
 right that you should not worry your youth- 
 ful heads about ways and means, and that 
 your bright young spirits — which are such 
 a blessing to us all — should not be damp- 
 ened by premature responsibility and anxi- 
 ety. But do not forget to be considerate 
 toward your parents, and do not make con- 
 stant demands on your father's purse, 
 which he hates to deny, but must, from the 
 necessities of the case. 
 
 Tom Thoughtless is a well meaning boy 
 who is very fond of having a good time, in 
 an innocent way. He likes to play ball and 
 to go off on excursions with his young 
 friends, but he thinks it very unreasonable 
 if he is asked to weed the garden, to split 
 wood for kindling, to water the flowers or 
 to take the school census. That is to say, 
 he thinks it very unreasonable that he 
 should be expected to do any of these things 
 at a given time — although he is often quite 
 
 62 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 willing to do them at "some other time." 
 If Tom's father says, "Tom, I wish you'd 
 split some wood this afternoon," his an- 
 swer will be something like this, "Oh, not 
 to-day. Pa! I've promised to go fishing 
 with Jim Johnson at four o'clock, and be- 
 sides the hatchet is awfully dull. Why 
 can't I do it to-morrow?" Alas, "Never 
 shall sun that morrow see" ! The next day, 
 Tom has forgotten all about the wood. 
 Jim Johnson has come over again, with a 
 lovely basket of worms; and — the hatchet 
 hasn't grown any sharper during the night, 
 strange to say. The next evening, Mrs. 
 Thoughtless asks Tom why he let his poor 
 tired father cut up all that wood, and so 
 lose an hour from his much-needed morning 
 nap. Tom is seized with sudden remorse, 
 and declares that he is awfully sorry — ^but 
 he forgot all about it! 
 
 As it is with the wood, so it is with the 
 school census. Tom has promised to take 
 the latter for his father (who is school 
 trustee), and in return for his labor, Tom 
 is to have the money which the school-dis- 
 
 63 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 trict pays for the work, and this sum, with 
 what he already has on hand, will be enough 
 to buy him his heart's desire — a fine new 
 camera. Tom begins very bravely, on his 
 first day's census work: he calls on all the 
 neighbors, book and pencil in hand, and 
 makes a careful list of the names and ages 
 of all their children between five and eight- 
 een years of age. 
 
 The second day, however, Tom thinks he 
 will not start on his census trip until he has 
 had a good game of ball — ^therefore he waits 
 till six o'clock, when an xmlucky thunder- 
 shower comes up, and puts a stop to out- 
 door work for that day. The result of it 
 all is that Mr. Thoughtless does the greater 
 part of the census work himself, despite the 
 fact that he is already over-worked and over- 
 tired. "I wonder what under the sun 
 makes Pa so cross. I was just whistling 
 'Yankee Doodle,' when he told me to keep 
 still; he's just like a bear lately. I don't 
 know what's got into himl" Jim, who is 
 helping Tom feed their various pets — rab- 
 bits, turtles, crows, poUywogs and kittens 
 64 ^ 
 
BOYS AND THEIR FATHERS 
 
 — condoles with his elder brother and agrees 
 with him, as to "Pa's being awful nervous." 
 
 Meanwhile "Pa" is seated at the library 
 table, with a great heap of papers spread 
 out before him, and a big kerosene lamp 
 making the air unbearably hot. He is 
 working on Tom's census papers, and it 
 will take him all this evening and several 
 other evenings in addition, to finish them. 
 "Pa" has traveled forty miles to-day — 
 twenty in going to his office in the city, and 
 twenty in returning. — He has worked hard 
 at his business all day, his head is very tired, 
 but owing to Tom's thoughtlessness, he 
 must work all the evening too, in order to 
 earn the money for Tom's camera. This is 
 a true story, my dear boys, and I do not 
 think you can wonder that Mr. Thoughtless 
 is both tired and cross. Perhaps we should 
 be under the same circumstances ! 
 
 Tom has a habit of speaking when he is 
 provoked, in a way which is really very dis- 
 respectful, and his father is often obliged 
 to remind him of the impropriety of his con- 
 duct in this regard. And yet with all his 
 
 65 
 
fiOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 faults Tom intends to honor his father and 
 mother — nay he . does so in his heart, al- 
 though he often fails in doing his whole 
 duty by them. "I still honor my father and 
 mother, although they have long been dead," 
 said a good and clever woman. "I honor 
 their virtues and their memory. I try to do 
 the good things which they did, and which 
 they would fain have had me do. I con- 
 sider that the commandment 'Honor thy 
 father and thy mother' is as binding on me, 
 as on those who are fortunate enough to 
 possess living parents." 
 
 66 
 
CHAPTER VI 
 
 BROTHERS AND SISTERS 
 
 IST an earlier chapter, we quoted the poet 
 Goethe's saying about reverence, that 
 it is not a trait which any one has by 
 nature, but something that must be ac- 
 quired. We must all learn the lesson of 
 reverence in the three forms that he de- 
 scribes, first for those above us (for God, 
 for our parents, teachers and superiors), 
 second for our companions and equals, third 
 for those beneath us, persons in a humble 
 position, animals, for Mother Earth, even. 
 If brothers and sisters are to live happily 
 together, they must learn to respect each 
 other's rights and possessions. When all 
 want the same thing, it is evident that all 
 cannot have it at the same time. They must 
 agree to take turns. On the principle of 
 "Ladies first" the girls are usually allowed 
 to precede the boys. The turns may be ar- 
 
 67 
 
BOYS, GIELS AND MANNERS 
 
 ranged according to age, or by drawing 
 lots. The great point is, to keep to the ar- 
 rangement, when it has once been made. 
 Children have a very strong sense of justice. 
 Nothing makes more trouble than for an 
 elder brother or sister to break an agree- 
 ment and crowd out the younger, simply be- 
 cause he or she is bigger and stronger. 
 
 It is a part of good manners to ask and 
 receive the leave of another person, before 
 borrowing his things, and to return them 
 promptly and in good condition. If Tom 
 can't find his tennis-racket and carries off 
 his brother Harry's, without the latter's per- 
 mission, Harry wiU have a right to feel ag- 
 grieved, if he also wants to play that after- 
 noon. A good-natured boy will be oblig- 
 ing about lending the racket when he is not 
 intending to use it. But he will prefer to 
 be consulted first. 
 
 The boy who loses his own things, is very 
 apt to mislay those belonging to other peo- 
 ple. Suppose that Tom forgets to put back 
 Harry's racket — suppose he leaves it out on 
 the piazza, where the dampness injures the 
 68 
 
BROTHERS AND SISTERS 
 
 strings. — The latter will naturally feel very 
 much aggrieved. 
 
 A gentleman of my acquaintance, who 
 was noted for his punctiliousness in matters 
 of conduct, had this motto inscribed on his 
 book-plate : 
 
 "Any one may borrow, but a gentleman 
 returns." 
 
 The friend who saw this reminder, pasted 
 on the inside of the cover, was careful to re- 
 turn the book. 
 
 Sisters sometimes borrow from each other 
 handkerchiefs, belt-ribbons or other small 
 articles of dress. If Mary has a bad cold 
 and has exhausted her stock of pocket hand- 
 kerchiefs, she may be tempted to attack 
 Susan's store. 
 
 If she takes the last one and her sister 
 cannot find any, when she is starting for 
 school, the result may be tragic. Susan 
 may well remind Mary of the parable of the 
 wise and the foolish virgins. She may 
 point out that Mary, instead of spending so 
 much of her allowance for candy, ought to 
 buy a larger supply of handkerchiefs. 
 
 69 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Our respect for each other's possessions 
 should prevent our giving, throwing away 
 or selling something which to us appears of 
 no consequence, but that the owner may 
 value. We will suppose that Tom has an 
 expensive pair of shoes, whose soles are 
 worn out. He leaves them in his closet, in- 
 tending to have them repaired. His sister 
 Mary espies the shoes and wonders why her 
 brother keeps so much old trash. Shcj 
 promptly throws them away or gives them 
 to a passing tramp without consulting 
 Tom. Mary never has her shoes re-soled 
 and does not stop to think that the foot- 
 gear of boys and men is not just like her 
 own. 
 
 Tom deeply deplores the loss of his be- 
 loved tan shoes, which fitted him particu- 
 larly well. Mary does not hear the last of 
 them, for a long time. 
 
 It is a good thing to give each person a 
 separate room, where the size of the family 
 allows this. If two brothers or two siSters 
 occupy the same apartment, it can be di- 
 vided by an imaginary line in such a way 
 70 
 
BBOTHEBS AND SISTEBS 
 
 that each can have half of it for his own. 
 Their possessions can thus be kept entirely 
 separate and neither will have any excuse 
 for confusing his brother's things with his 
 own. 
 
 It is a part of good manners to knock 
 before entering another person's room. 
 Every one likes to have some spot where he 
 can be quiet and undisturbed. A young 
 friend of mine hit upon a device for show- 
 ing her brothers that she did not wish to be 
 interrupted. When she was busy over her 
 lessons, she stuck a long goose feather in her 
 hair. They knew what this signal meant, 
 and went away, without discussing the mat- 
 ter. 
 
 It is never polite to make personal re- 
 marks. When no one outside the family is 
 present, brothers and sisters may criticize 
 each other's dress and appearance, if they 
 do so in a pleasant and friendly way, and 
 no great harm will be done. But if any 
 gutsts are present, the result will be very 
 different. 
 
 If Mary observes, before one of her girl 
 71 
 
BOYS, 6IBLS AND MANNEES 
 
 friends, "Tom, you've put on the wrong 
 neck-tie. That does not match your suit," 
 her brother may blush furiously, and he will 
 almost certainly be provoked. He feels 
 that his sister is treating him like a child, 
 whereas he wants to be considered a young 
 man. He is dimly conscious too, of the 
 fact that in putting him in an unfavorable 
 light before a guest, Mary is trespassing on 
 sisterly loyalty. An excellent old rule for- 
 bids us to discuss the private affairs of our 
 family with outsiders, and above all, to say 
 anything to their discredit. Young people 
 often like to make confidants of their inti- 
 mate friends and to tell them all their joys 
 and sorrows, all their plans and purposes. 
 They have a right to do this, so far as they 
 themselves are concerned, as individuals. 
 But they sometimes forget that their par- 
 ents and relatives are not on the same terms 
 of intimacy with their young friends, and 
 will not wish the latter to know about the 
 money matters or other private affairs of 
 the family. It is a breach of good manners 
 and of good morals as well, to talk of these 
 72 
 
BROTHEES AND SISTERS 
 
 to any one, without the consent of the per- 
 sons concerned. 
 
 Of course, in remajking that Tom had 
 put on the wrong neck-tie, Mary did not 
 accuse him of any sin. But she impugned 
 his taste in dress, and as a miniature man 
 of the world, Tom does not like to be told 
 that he has erred in his choice of cravats. 
 It is putting him at a disadvantage just 
 where he wishes to appear at bis best, 
 namely in the presence of a young lady. 
 
 It is to be hoped that neither Tom nor 
 Susan is of a quarrelsome disposition. If 
 Tom has done something which his sister 
 thinks is unfair or unkind to her, she should 
 talk the matter over with him, when they 
 are alone together. She should not report 
 it to her parents, unless the offense is a se- 
 rious one. She might then consider it her 
 duty to tell her mother. 
 
 Tom and Susan should be especially care- 
 ful not to discuss their differences in the 
 presence of guests. It is very awkward 
 and unpleasant for an outsider to be a wit- 
 ness of family jars. He is forced to hear 
 
 73 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 about painful matters which do not concern 
 him. Under such circumstances, a guest 
 may well say to himself, "If these young 
 people were truly well-bred, they would not 
 quarrel in my presence!" 
 
 When Mary relates some story to her 
 friend, Tom ought not to spoil it by inter- 
 rupting and correcting her. We are aU 
 tempted, from time to time, to set people 
 right, when they are telling a story with 
 which we ourselves are somewhat familiar. 
 But this is a temptation which courtesy bids 
 us resist. If some serious misstatement has 
 been made, it may be our duty to correct it, 
 especially if the error reflects unjustly on 
 some one who is not present to defend him- 
 self. Even in this case, however, it is bet- 
 ter not to interrupt the narrator in the mid- 
 dle of the story. We can wait till he fin- 
 ishes, and then quietly give our own version. 
 
 Here again we must employ tact. In- 
 stead of flatly contradicting the other per- 
 son, and saying, "You are all wrong about 
 that," it is wiser to phrase the matter dif- 
 ferently. 
 
 74 
 
BROTHERS AND SISTERS 
 
 "Why, I heard another side of the story 
 — I know X quite well — ^and I do not think 
 she would have done anything so unfair." 
 Then we can go on and give our version of 
 the matter. 
 
 75 
 
CHAPTER VII 
 
 THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSE 
 
 IF we are to respect the weak and 
 lowly, we must surely treat our em- 
 ployees and servants with great con- 
 sideration. In our country especially, it 
 is most iQogical as well as unkind to be- 
 have with arrogance toward them. In 
 America, all men are equal before the Law. 
 The man who digs the garden or who 
 shovels off the snow, has the same right of 
 franchise as his employer. Each can cast 
 a single ballot on election day. Each has 
 the same share in choosing the officers of the 
 government. We are all citizens of our 
 great and glorious Republic, which recog- 
 nizes no distinctions of rank. All titles of 
 nobility are wisely forbidden by our Consti- 
 tution. 
 
 In France, every man, no matter how 
 humble, is addressed as "Monsieur," be- 
 76 
 
THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSE 
 
 cause he is a citizen of the Republic. 
 Surely it is quite as fine a thing to be an 
 American as to be a French citizen. Our 
 patriotism and pride in our native land 
 should lead us to treat all our fellow coun- 
 trymen with respect. 
 
 Tom is inclined to think himself very su- 
 perior to Bridget, because he understands 
 algebra and Latin, while she can barely read 
 and write. He forgets that she also un- 
 derstands many things of which he is in pro- 
 found ignorance. 
 
 If Bridget should suddenly leave or be- 
 come ill, and Tom were asked to prepare 
 soup, meat, vegetables and dessert for din- 
 ner, he would realize that hers was no easy 
 task. He would sorrowfully admit that she 
 was decidedly his superiiar, in the culinary 
 art. 
 
 It greatly helps us to respect other peo- 
 ple, if we remember the qualities and ac- 
 complishments in which they excel us, in- 
 stead of thinking only of the points wherein 
 they are our inferiors. Even the day-la- 
 borer who understands no trade, has a 
 
 77 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AITD MANNERS 
 
 power of work and of muscular endurance 
 far greater than that of the average busi- 
 ness or professional man. 
 
 Respect does not mean intimacy nor fa- 
 miliarity. We have a right to choose our 
 own associates and intimates. But we must 
 remember to be courteous to all in look, 
 tone and bearing. The lot of a servant is 
 not altogether a pleasant one. While the 
 work is not necessarily hard, the hours are 
 long. To be always under orders from 
 somebody else, instead of doing things in 
 one's own way, is not agreeable. The com- 
 fort of everyone in the house is dependent 
 on those who do the work. If they are dis- 
 satisfied and perform their duties in a half- 
 hearted way, everybody suffers in conse- 
 quence. Therefore for our own sake, as 
 well as out of consideration for them, we 
 should do all in our power to make our em- 
 ployees happy and contented. In dealing 
 with them, we should remember always the 
 small civilities of daily life. Thus we 
 should be careful to bid them good-morning 
 and good-night. 
 
 78 
 
THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSE 
 
 Tom and Susan will remember that or- 
 ders should come from the head of the 
 house. They should not give directions to 
 the servants unless authorized to do so by 
 Father or Mother. Above all they should 
 avoid finding fault. This is always a dan- 
 gerous apd difficult thing to do. If any- 
 thing has gone wrong, it is mother's place 
 to say this to the cook or the chamber- 
 maid. Mother knows how to do it in a tact- 
 ful way, when no third person is present. 
 Bridget's feelings are quite as sensitive as 
 Tom's. Tom does not like to be corrected 
 in the presence of others, and we may be 
 sure that Bridget dislikes it also. 
 
 She also prefers very much to have all 
 orders given to her personally. Mother 
 knows that it is not a good plan to send di- 
 rections to one servant by another. Tom 
 and Susan should bear this in mind. 
 
 All the domestics in the household have 
 their regular work which usually occupies a 
 good part of their time. If there is com- 
 pany at luncheon or dinner, or guests stay- 
 ing overnight, extra labor is almost neces- 
 
 79 
 
BOTS, OIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 sarily involved. Tom and Susan will nat- 
 urally want to have everything as neat and 
 nice as possible, when their friends are ex- 
 pected. They must be careful, however, 
 not to put too much work on the shoulders 
 of the servants. They should cheerfully 
 "lend a hand" themselves, in preparing for 
 the guests. Experienced housekeepers hire 
 extra help, where the strain would be too 
 severe for the nerves and temper of their 
 employees. If no outside assistance can be 
 had, Tom and Susan must not expect elab^ 
 orate preparations for the entertainment of 
 their friends, unless they themselves can do 
 a good part of the additional labor re- 
 quired. 
 
 Boys and girls who are kind hearted and 
 considerate, try to avoid making unneces- 
 sary work about the house. Young people 
 are forgetful as we know. They sometimes 
 leave things in disorder, or track mud into 
 the house, from thoughtlessness. But if 
 the parlor-maid points out the clayey foot- 
 steps, and asks them politely to be more 
 careful next time, they should take it in good 
 80 
 
THE SERVANT IN THE HOUSE 
 
 part. If Susan has been arranging flowers 
 in the dining-room, she should not leave 
 petals and stems on the carpet, and debris 
 scattered about the room. When she makes 
 fudge in the kitchen, she should wash up the 
 pots and dishes she has used. A job is only 
 half-done if we leave the cleaning up for 
 other people. 
 
 It is an excellent plan for boys and girls 
 to wait upon themselves, instead of sending 
 a maid to get anything they want. In a 
 house where many servants are kept, these 
 may be able to run on errands, without neg- 
 lecting their regular work. But in most 
 families this is not the case. If Susan asks 
 the maid, when the latter is busy with her 
 dusting, to go upstairs and get a pocket 
 handkerchief, she may reply that she is too 
 busy. Susan thinks she is impertinent and 
 complains to Mother, who doubtless an- 
 swers, "Marianne was quite right. You 
 should not have asked her to go upstairs 
 for you, when she was at work." 
 
 If Mother is away from home and Susan 
 is obliged to do the housekeeping for awhile, 
 
 81 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 she should endeavor to enforce the punctu- 
 ality which we have counted as one of the 
 cardinal points of good manners. It is 
 most discouraging to the cook to have the 
 meals late and the food dried up waiting in 
 the oven. Susan should give her orders in 
 good season, remembering that for certain 
 articles of food, the preparation must begin 
 the day before they are to be served. If 
 she is obliged to find fault, she should en- 
 deavor to praise also. To be criticized al- 
 ways and never commended, is very discour- 
 aging. 
 
 If it is necessary to send one of the maids 
 out of the house on an errand, she must be 
 allowed time to change her dress. A self- 
 respecting servant very properly objects to 
 appearing on the street in her working 
 clothes, and she should not be expected to 
 do so, unless in case of some serious emer- 
 gency. 
 
 Susan will follow the rule of the wise 
 housekeeper and see that each maid has her 
 regular afternoon out, on the appointed day 
 of the week, also her usual evening and Sun- 
 day privileges, whatever these may be. 
 82 
 
CHAPTER VIII 
 
 MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 IN order to ensure punct uality at meals, 
 it is necessary to begin to get ready a 
 little before the appointed hour. This 
 is especially important where there are no 
 toilet appliances in the bedrooms and sev- 
 eral members of the family must in turn 
 wash their hands in the same bathroom. 
 
 If Tom is inclined to rebel at the process 
 and to think hair-brushing a foolish super- 
 stition, we would gently remind him that 
 even half-civilized people like the Arabs, 
 know better than to eat with unwashed 
 hands. In the full light of the twentieth 
 century, with all our wonderful new knowl- 
 edge about bacteria and disease, we do not 
 want to fall below the untaught tribes of 
 the desert. One advantage of being ready 
 in good season is that it enables the young 
 people to enter the dining-room quietly, in- 
 
 83 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 stead of rushing in "With a spring and a 
 bounce," like the ounce of fable. 
 
 Unless especially authorized by their par- 
 ents to do so, the young people will not sit 
 down at the table until father and mother 
 have taken their places. 
 
 Dinner is the most formal meal of the 
 day. All wait until mother appears, be- 
 fore taking their seats. Tom draws out her 
 chair and helps her to push it up to the ta- 
 ble, unless the servant or his father per- 
 forms the office. In this case, if the big 
 brother assists his sister with her chair, he 
 will show that he is really growing up to be 
 a man. 
 
 At breakfast and luncheon there is often 
 less formality about beginning the meal. 
 Father may be obliged to start early for 
 business, or the young people for school. 
 
 It ought not to be difficult to sit down 
 properly at the table. Experience shows 
 us that this, like other simple lessons, has to 
 be learned. Many children sit down side- 
 wise, perch on the edge of the seat, or put 
 their feet on the rungs of somebody else's 
 84 
 
MANNEBS AT THE TABLE 
 
 chair. One should sit down in the middle, 
 and with the lower part of the sj)ine against 
 the back of the chair. This should be 
 drawn up near enough to the table to enable 
 one to eat comfortably, and yet not so near 
 as to make a person look as if pinioned into 
 his seat. 
 
 Where there is a regular waitress, she at- 
 tends to all the service of the table and it is 
 not usually necessary for the members of 
 the family to pass anything. Something 
 will depend on the size of the latter, how- 
 ever. Where more than five are present, it 
 may be best to help the attendant out some- 
 what. Thus if mother pours out the tea 
 and coffee at the table and the waitress is 
 busy in the pantry, the member of the fam- 
 ily sitting next to the tea-tray will offer to 
 pass on the cups, or to hand them back to be 
 replenished. 
 
 If the meat is carved in the pantry and 
 all the dishes passed by the waitress, in ac- 
 cordance with the most modern method, 
 Tom and Susan will be very careful not to 
 splash the gravy, nor to drop the spoon or 
 
 85 
 
BOTS, OIELS ANB MANNEBS 
 
 fork on the floor when they help themselves 
 from the meat platter and the vegetable 
 dishes. In families where only one maid is 
 kept, there is usually a limited amount of 
 service. A dever and well-trained woman 
 can prepare a meal and also wait on a small 
 family, if the bill-of-fare is arranged with 
 this end in view. Usually, however, a 
 maid-of-all-work is not expected to do all 
 the passing. She puts the dishes on the ta- 
 ble and hands them once, the master or mis- 
 tress of the house doing the carving. 
 Should a second supply be needed, those at 
 table pass the dishes to each other. 
 
 The maid clears away after each course, 
 removing everything except the centrepiece 
 before the dessert. Flowers, fruit and 
 bonbons should also be left on the table. 
 Where the family is too large to permit 
 even this amount of service, the dishes are 
 merely set on the table by the attendant. 
 She should always clear away the plates 
 and brush off the crumbs, however, before 
 putting on the dessert. In the great ma- 
 jority of families in America, as elsewhere, 
 86 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 there is no servant, people waiting upon 
 themselves. In either of these cases, Tom 
 and Susan will be careful to do their share 
 in passing the dishes, refilling the glasses 
 and looking out for the comfort of their 
 neighbors. They will remember to set 
 down glass, fork or whatever they may 
 have in hand, before passing anything. 
 They should also stop talking and eating, 
 take hold of the plate firmly, look at the per- 
 son who is to receive it and not let go until 
 it is securely in the hands of the latter. 
 Many ladies' dresses have been spoiled and 
 many dishes broken, through the neglect of 
 these simple rules. 
 
 In passing anything liquid^^such as a 
 cup of tea or a plate of soup — ^very special 
 care must be taken not to spill any. When 
 the table is to be cleared away for a new 
 course, or when something is needed from 
 the kitchen or pantry, one of the children 
 should rise, instead of allowing mother to 
 do so. 
 
 Since it makes an unpleasant confusion 
 if a number of people keep hopping up, it is 
 
 87 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 well to have one person do the waiting. If 
 Tom fancies this occupation is beneath his 
 dignity as a young man, he should look up 
 his history. There he will find that very 
 distinguished men Have performed the office 
 for royal persons. Now in waiting upon 
 his parents, Tom may consider that he is at- 
 tending to the wants of kings, since all 
 American citizens are said to belong to that 
 class. Hence he should feel reconciled to 
 this very useful employment. I have seen 
 boys of eleven who waited upon their 
 mother's guests at luncheon, very nicely. 
 
 The old rule prescribed that no one should 
 begin eating until all were served. This is 
 still observed in many houses, where the 
 carving is done on the table. The reason 
 for it is plain. It does not seem quite kind 
 or respectful to the head of the family 
 for every one to commence eating while 
 he is still busy attending to their wants. 
 The new rule was introduced by the modern 
 method of service. Where everything is 
 cut up in the pantry and the master and 
 mistress of the house do no helping, there is 
 88 
 
MANNEKS AT THE TABLE 
 
 not the same reason for waiting and people 
 begin to eat quite promptly. Indeed 
 where the service is very rapid, as it is in 
 many houses, it is necessary to commence 
 at once, in order to finish eating before the 
 waitress whisks away your plate. 
 
 Whether or not it is the rule of their 
 family to wait, Tom and Susan will not 
 send back their plates for a second helping,^ 
 until Father has had a chance to eat at least 
 part of his dinner. It is most discouraging 
 to the carver to be obliged to start on the 
 second round of helping before he has had 
 a mouthful himself. 
 
 It is better when sending back the plate, 
 to leave the knife and fork on it, rather 
 than to hold them in the hand. They 
 should be laid carefully side by side so that 
 they will not fall off, the handles being to- 
 gether. 
 
 An old rule prescribed that one should not 
 take the last piece on the dish, but should 
 always leave a little "For manners." 
 
 This has been modified to some extent 
 by our modern method of service. We now 
 
 89 
 
BOYS, GIKIS AND MANNERS 
 
 divide meals into separate courses, more 
 often than was done formerly. In plan- 
 ning these the hostess usually allows a lit- 
 tle more than is necessary, in order that no 
 one may be obliged to take the last piece. 
 But sometimes it will happen that there are 
 just enough portions to go round. This 
 may occur either because there is one more 
 person than was expected at table, or be- 
 cause some special delicacy has been pro- 
 vided. 
 
 In such a case Tom need not hesitate to 
 take the last bird or patty, because he per- 
 ceives it was intended he should do so. If, 
 however, unexpected guests are present, 
 and he sees there will not be enough for all, 
 he will allow the dish to pass by without 
 taking any. 
 
 When boys and girls begin to grow up, 
 they should not need to be told to take only 
 their fair share, especially of some dainty of 
 which there is only a limited supply. Each 
 person in turn should take the top piece, 
 even though the imder slice of toast may 
 look much more attractive. 
 90 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 It may be difficult for our young people 
 to avoid a certain amount of hesitation, 
 when a plate with several delightful kinds 
 of cake or very nice bonbons, is handed to 
 them. But we jnust never delay so long as 
 to appear greedy. It is perfectly right and 
 proper to enjoy our food and it was intended 
 we should do so. But we must never say 
 that we love it, or behave as if eating were 
 the main business of life. For this reason, 
 it is not a good plan to talk much about 
 what is on the table.. 
 
 According to the old and rather strict 
 rule, children were expected to eat what- 
 ever was set before them, without making 
 any mention of their likes and dislikes. A 
 little boy whom I knew in my childhood 
 had a strong objection to potatoes. One 
 day, when the extension table was taken 
 apart to be cleaned, a large store of these 
 vegetables was found concealed on the 
 frame beneath. Master B — ■■ — had watched 
 his chance and quietly removed them from 
 his plate to that place of refuge, when no 
 one was looking! 
 
 91 
 
BOYS, GIUIS AND MANNERS 
 
 This old rule is not now so strictly en- 
 forced. But it is still considered impolite 
 to criticize the food on the table or to say 
 that one dislikes certain dishes. If Tom 
 and Susan feel very strongly on the sub- 
 ject, they can speak quietly to Mother about 
 it, after the meal. 
 
 Good manners forbid us to inquire be- 
 forehand as to the nature of the dessert. 
 We must wait patiently until it appears. 
 
 The hours for meals are those when the 
 family meet together. During the re- 
 mainder of the day, they may be scattered 
 in various directions, but at luncheon and 
 dinner they all assemble for a brief period 
 of rest and refreshment. Good manners 
 and good sense tell us that these occasions 
 .should be made as pleasant as possible. If 
 there are any horrors in the newspapers, we 
 do not want to discuss them at table, nor to 
 talk of sad and distressing subjects. If 
 Tom and Susan have had any little difficul- 
 ties, they should adjust their differences at 
 some other time. 
 
 02 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 If Tom says when he sits down, "Oh, 
 Susan, I've got a bone to pick with you 
 after dinner!" he may make his sister thor- 
 oughly uncomfortable. She will wonder 
 throughout the meal what that bone of con- 
 tention may be! 
 
 The moderrL_theory is, that the service 
 should be rapid, and that people should not 
 remain too long at table. It is necessary 
 for health, however, to eat slowly and to 
 avoid haste. If Tom has an engagement 
 he should be careful not to hurry the rest 
 of the family. 
 
 "Now do be quick, Susan^^you're aw- 
 fully slow, and I shall be late for school!" 
 Remarks of this sort do not add to the 
 pleasures of the family table. They tend 
 to give every one present an uncom- 
 fortable, choked sensation, as if their food 
 were being forced down their throats. 
 
 Tom will win everybody's gratitude if he 
 waits quietly until the time comes when he 
 must leave, then asks Mother to excuse him 
 and to save his dessert. He will remember 
 to push his chair toward the table or to 
 
 93 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 set it against the wall, as the rules of the 
 house may demand, instead of leaving it out 
 where other people may trip over it. 
 
 In preparing the food for little children, 
 it is customary to arrange all at once. The 
 entire slice of bread is buttered, for instance, 
 or all the baked potato is flavored and 
 mashed. This is very appropriate for those 
 of the nursery age, but not for big boys and 
 girls. All wholesale preparation of the 
 food looks badly on the table, perhaps be- 
 cause it reminds people too much of the 
 kitchen. Susan should break off a small 
 piece of bread or muffin and butter that. 
 In the same way, each mouthful of food 
 should be flavored separately, where this is 
 necessary. With a good cook who seasons 
 well, little additional condiment is required. 
 
 Salt cellars are in better taste than 
 shakers, for a private house. At a hotel or 
 restaurant the latter are a safeguard, since 
 they prevent careless and ill-bred people 
 from putting their own knife or spoon in 
 the salt. These cellars, even when of the 
 individual kind, should always be accompa- 
 94 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 nied by salt-spoons, unless they are emptied 
 out and replenished after each meal. 
 
 Tom should not flavor his food by taking 
 salt on his knife and scattering it, but 
 should have a little of this at the side of his 
 plate. 
 
 The English fashion of eating a boiled 
 egg out of the shell, is followed in this coun- 
 try by those who are careful in such mat- 
 ters. If the egg is taken out, a spoon 
 should be used for the purpose, jiever a 
 knife. 
 
 The fashion of using knife, fork and 
 spoon has changed very much since the time 
 of our ancestors. When people used silver 
 only for best, they frankly put their knives 
 in their mouths, because the two-pronged 
 steel fork would not hold anything soft, like 
 green pease. In America it has long been 
 thought extremely vulgar to use the knife 
 in this way. Indeed the fork alone is em- 
 ployed wherever this is possible. For po- 
 tatoes, green pease and most other vegeta- 
 bles, croquettes, salads and what are called 
 "made dishes," nothing else is needed. In- 
 
 95 
 
Boys, girls and manners 
 
 ' deed it is thought "Bad form" to touch a 
 potato with a knife, nor should a steel one 
 ever be used with fish. 
 
 So long as children are of the nursery 
 age, they eat principally with a spoon. As 
 they grow older, however, and become more 
 like grown people, they use this less and less. 
 For soft puddings, berries or cereals served 
 with cream, soup, tea, coffee or cocoa, a 
 spoon is necessary. But for poached eggs, 
 omelettes and for vegetables in general, as 
 we have seen, the fork is the proper utensil. 
 
 If Tom can manage to do so nicely, he 
 i may eat his asparagus from his fingers, tak- 
 ing up each piece by the butt end. Where 
 it is covered with sauce, he will have recourse 
 to his fork. If it is too tough to be cut 
 readily by the latter, he may use his knife 
 for the purpose. Olives, radishes and stalks 
 of celery, he may also eat with his fingers. 
 
 After Tom has stirred the sugar in his 
 coffee, he should take the spoon out of the 
 cup and lay it in the saucer. In the days 
 of George Washington it was permissible 
 to pour out the tea or other hot drink into 
 96 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 the saucer to cool. But this has not been 
 considered "Good form" for many years. 
 
 During her mother's absence, Susan may 
 be promoted to the position of housekeeper 
 for the time being and she will doubtless 
 enjoy her new dignity. She will see that 
 the table is made ready in good season but 
 not overnight and not too long before a 
 meal. In a private family, it is unpleasant 
 to see the table always set, although this may 
 be necessary in a hotel or boarding-house. 
 The plates and glasses should be placed 
 right side up. The former should never be 
 put in a pile before the master or mistress 
 of the house. One should be put at each 
 person's place. Nothing makes the table 
 look so attractive as a fresh white linen cloth 
 and brightly polished silver and glass. It 
 is an excellent plan to have fresh napkins 
 every night for late dinner, but Susan must 
 ask her mother beforehand about this. To 
 exhaust the stock of clean table linen and 
 so have nothing left for Sunday, would in- 
 deed be unfortunate. 
 
 It is now thought best to place the vin- 
 97 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 egar, oil, mustard and other condiments on 
 the sideboard, only the salt and pepper be- 
 ing set on the table. It will be necessary to 
 put the former on, however, if the dressing 
 for the salad is to be made at table. The 
 fashion of using little annex dishes, "bird's 
 bathtubs" as they are called, is generally 
 condemned. According to modern custom, 
 not more than two vegetables are served 
 with a course. These extra dishes are 
 therefore unnecessary. For breakfast and 
 luncheon, a bread and butter plate, accom- 
 panied by a silver butter knife, is set at the 
 left of each place. Sometimes a small ex- 
 tra plate is used for the salad, but it is bet- 
 ter to have the latter as a separate course. 
 Finger bowls partly filled with tepid water 
 should be set on with the dessert course, if 
 a regular waitress is employed. Where 
 there is only a maid-of-all-work and the 
 family is large, it is usual to omit these. 
 Susan doubtless enjoys all the little elegan- 
 cies of the modern arrangement of the ta- 
 ble, but she must not demand too much serv- 
 ice of a single person. If Bridget has been 
 98 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 busy a great part of the day with her house- 
 work, she should be given no more dishes to 
 wash than she can finish at a reasonable 
 hour in the evening. Susan can, of course, 
 cut the Gordian knot by "lending a hand" 
 with the glass towel herself. 
 
 Spooi>tumblers and napkin-rings have 
 gone quite out of fashion. A sufficient 
 number of spoons should be laid at each per- 
 son's place, or additional ones set on with 
 the next course. An extra supply may be 
 placed on the side-table, the spoons or 
 forks for the dessert, etc. Napkin-rings are 
 necessary, in a large family, where the ta- 
 ble linen is not changed every day. They 
 should, however, be small and unobtrusive. 
 Tooth-picks should never be seen nor used, 
 except in the privacy of one's own room. 
 
 Poiying out tea and coffee may be a lit- 
 tle hard for a young girl at first, and she 
 will find it well to concentrate her mind on 
 the task before her. If she tries to attend 
 to the tea service and talk at the same time, 
 she will be apt to make some mistake. 
 
 Many people put the sugar in first, since 
 99 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 it thus melts very easily, when the hot liquid 
 is poured upon it. If Susan does this, she 
 must inquire carefully of each person in 
 turn, how many lumps or spoonfuls he likes 
 or whether he prefers to have no sugar at 
 all. If she adds the milk or cream, she will 
 also ask how much people would like, and 
 whether they prefer their tea strong or weak. 
 
 She will avoid putting so much in the cups 
 that the tea or coffee will slop over into the 
 saucer, since this is thought very impleas- 
 ant. 
 
 If a second helping is required, the cup 
 should be rinsed out with hot water, before 
 it is re-filled. Hence a slop-bowl is a neces- 
 sary part of the tea-service, and a strainer 
 also, where the tea is served in the pot in 
 which it has been made. It is more whole- 
 some, however, to remove it to another, as 
 the development of tannin with its bitter 
 taste, is thus avoided. 
 
 Young people who have been trained 
 to eat in a careful and dainty way at home, 
 need not fear making any serious error when 
 they go abroad. 
 
 100 
 
MANNERS AT THE TABLE 
 
 There are some differences, however, be- 
 tween the rules and observances at a formal 
 dinner and those at the family table, in the 
 absence of guests. 
 
 If Tom or Susan dine out in ceremonious 
 fashion, they will see that the_ host^gives 
 his arm to the oldest or the most distin- 
 guished lady present. These lead the way 
 to the dining-room, the rest of the company 
 following arm-in-arm. The older guests 
 precede the younger, but the hostess and the 
 most distinguished man come last. 
 
 Tom should draw out the chair for his 
 partner and help her push it up to the ta- 
 ble, unless a servant performs this office. 
 The knives and forks are usually arranged 
 so that those come outside, which are to be 
 used first. Tom will not need to pass any- 
 thing, unless it should be the salted nuts or 
 in some cases the bonbons. 
 
 At the end of the dinner, the hostess 
 gives the sign for rising, and all the ladies 
 leave the table. The men sometimes offer 
 their arms and accompany their partners to 
 the drawing-room, repairing themselves to 
 101 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 the library or returning to the dining-room. 
 Sometimes they merely rise and stand while 
 the ladies pass out, resuming their seats af- 
 terwards. A servant usually opens the door 
 or draws aside the portieres of the dining- 
 room. If none is present, the gentleman sit- 
 ting nearest the door, performs this office 
 when the ladies rise from the table. 
 
 At a formal meal, every one leaves his 
 napkin on the table, unfolded. The chairs 
 are not pushed up but left where they stand, 
 unless they have been drawn out so far as 
 to interfere with the passage from the room. 
 In this case, they are moved a little, but 
 they should not be pushed under the table. 
 That is seldom done now, except at a board- 
 ing-house. 
 
 If Tom and Susan are not accustomed to 
 hearing grace said at home, they must re- 
 member that in many houses it is the custom 
 to ask a blessing, especially if a clergyman 
 is present. 
 
 In some families this is done, while all 
 stand. The Quakers or Friends ask a si- 
 lent grace. 
 
 102 
 
CHAPTER IX 
 
 HOW TO TREAT A GUEST 
 
 THE most important point in the 
 treatment of a guest, is that we shall 
 make him truly welcome and show 
 that he is so, by giving him a cordial greet- 
 ing. It is a pleasure to go to a house where 
 people are glad to see us. We enjoy a visit 
 there, even though the way of living is very 
 simple, more than we do staying at a mag- 
 nificent mansion where the hostess receives 
 us politely but without warmth. 
 
 As we shall see in the following chapter, 
 there are many little attentions we should 
 pay to our guests, so far as circumstances 
 permit. We must provide for their com- 
 fort in various ways. Yet we must never 
 allow ourselves to grow so anxious about 
 plans for our friends' amusement, or so 
 troubled over the bill-of-fare, that the visit 
 becomes a burden. 
 
 103 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Susan should not undertake more than 
 she can well carry out. If she does, she 
 will have a worried and anxious feeling 
 which will spoil her pleasure in the visit and 
 interfere with that of her guest. The peo- 
 ple around us are influenced by our moods, 
 more than we sometimes realize. 
 
 Hospitality is a virtue which Susan and 
 Tom should learn to practise when they are 
 young, because it is to be hoped that they 
 will continue to be hospitable as long as 
 they live. They must not make it a tax, 
 therefore, on themselves or others. The 
 fussy and over-anxious hostess is all tired 
 out before her guest arrives, so she does not 
 really enjoy the visit. Remembering this, 
 she hesitates to invite her friends next time. 
 Whereas if she had not made so much ex- 
 ertion, she would have had no such unpleas- 
 ant memories. Practice makes perfect, 
 however, and by perseverance Susan will 
 learn in time to be an excellent hostess. I 
 know two children, a boy of nine and a girl 
 of seven, who receive visitors with a cordial- 
 ity delightful to all. If grown-up callers 
 104 
 
HOW TO TEEAT A GUEST 
 
 arrive in the absence of their mother, they 
 come forward and do the honors of the 
 house, simply and gracefully. Ethel drops 
 a pretty little curtsey, James make a bow, 
 while both shake hands. They then offer to 
 show the visitors about the place, leading 
 the way to the flower garden and to the barn 
 where the fancy cattle are kept. 
 
 In the city or in a surburban town, hospi- 
 tahty to visitors would not take the same 
 form. But wherever their home is, thought- 
 ful and considerate children will always 
 greet the friends of their parents with cor- 
 diality. If Mrs. X wishes to wait un- 
 til Mother's return, Ethel will find her a 
 comfortable chair, get her a book or mag- 
 azine and ask her to lay off her wraps. In 
 short, she will receive the visitor in the way 
 prescribed by the custom of the house. The 
 main responsibility for the entertainment of 
 guests must rest on the shoulders of the 
 older members of the family, but children 
 should learn to do their part. 
 
 The Quakers or Friends understand the 
 true spirit of hospitality. They look upon 
 105 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 home as a dear, almost a sacred place, to 
 which they are glad to welcome others. 
 Hence they receive their guests, with quiet 
 yet gracious cordiality. As neatness and 
 simplicity are a part of their code, they are 
 not obliged to hurry about, to put things in 
 order before the arrival of a visitor. They 
 provide an abundance, yet without show. 
 We may learn from them to arrange our 
 mode of living in such a way that we shall be 
 ready to welcome a friend at any time. 
 While we very properly wish to give our 
 guests the best we have, while we want to kill 
 for their benefit the proverbial fatted calf, 
 yet we should not live every day in a way 
 that we are ashamed to have people see. 
 
 If Susan has invited a young friend to 
 visit her and the girl is coming alone, Susan 
 should either go to the station herself, or 
 arrange to have some one meet the expected 
 guest and attend to her baggage. 
 
 If Susan's home is in a large city, she will 
 
 ask Tom to go with her or in her place, 
 
 since it might not be pleasant for her to go 
 
 to the station alone. People who possess a 
 
 106 
 
HOW TO TREAT A GUEST 
 
 carriage or motor-car, usually send it to 
 meet their arriving friends, especially if they 
 live in the country. In the city, it is 
 easier to find one's way about. 
 
 Should Susan be unable to go to the sta- 
 tion herself, she should be all ready to give 
 her visitor a cordial greeting on the latter's 
 arrival, arid to escort her to her room. 
 
 It is to be hoped that this will be all in 
 readiness and made pretty and attractive. 
 
 If the visitor is to share Susan's room, 
 the apartment should be in good order— 
 with fresh towels and water. One or 
 more bureau drawers should have been 
 cleared out beforehand and a part, at least, 
 of the closet or wardrobe. After a jour- 
 ney, it is very refreshing to come into a 
 pleasant room all prepared for one's re- 
 ception. 
 
 Looking around at the pretty and dainty 
 appointments and at the arrangements 
 made for her comfort, a visitor may well 
 imagine that everything gives her a silent 
 welcome. Even the furniture seems to say, 
 "You see, we are all waiting for you — ^you 
 107 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 can lie down on this comfortable couch and 
 rest your head on that soft sofa-pillow. 
 That's an excellent novel on the table, if 
 you feel like reading, and in the closet you 
 will find a kimono and soft shoes." 
 
 On the contrary, if one arrives at a house 
 and finds nothing ready for one's recep- 
 tion, it is certainly very depressing to the 
 spirits. One cannot help thinking, "If they 
 really wanted to see me, they would have 
 arranged my room before I arrived." 
 
 Unless the house of her parents is so ar- 
 ranged as to give a guest a private bath- 
 room, Susan should make sure that her 
 friend has all the appliances for washing in 
 her own room. These should include a 
 piece of soap that has never been used and 
 plenty of water and towels. No matter 
 how much at home one may feel at a friend's 
 house, one does not like being obliged to go 
 to the family bath-room every time it is nec- 
 essary to wash one's hands, especially if 
 there are gentlemen in the house. 
 
 For this reason Susan should look and 
 see that the pitcher has been re-filled in the 
 108 
 
HOW TO TREAT A GUEST 
 
 evening, since maids are very apt to forget 
 to do this. She should also offer her friend 
 the opportunity of taking a daily tub bath, 
 as this is now a matter of habit with many 
 people. If the guest-room has a bath-room 
 attached, Susan will not need to take any 
 farther trouble. If it has not, she can 
 probably arrange to have her friend use 
 that belonging to the family, at a certain 
 hour. In this case, either Susan or the 
 maid should draw the bath and knock at the 
 guest's door, to let her know when it is 
 ready. Bath-towels should be provided 
 and one of these or a bath-mat laid on the 
 floor. 
 
 Susan will not wish to make her guest 
 comfortable at the expense of the other in- 
 mates of the house. If the family is a large 
 one, the guest must be provided for in her 
 own room. A sitz-bath, a hat-bath or even 
 a good sized tin foot-tub, set on a large piece 
 of rubber-sheeting or oil-cloth, is much bet- 
 ter than a basin alone. A can of hot water 
 should be brought to the door in the morn- 
 ing and another in the evening, if the guest 
 109 
 
B07S, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 wishes it. At night, the spread should be 
 removed, the bed-clothes turned down at the 
 top and the night-dress and wrapper laid 
 on them. Some careful housekeepers have 
 a light dimity spread for use at night, in 
 order to keep the blankets clean. The bed- 
 room slippers should also be brought out. A 
 pitcher and glass of drinking water, some 
 crackers, a candle and matches should be set 
 on the night-stand. An electric reading 
 light near the bed does away with the ne- 
 cessity for the latter. 
 
 People usually prefer to go to their own 
 rooms on arriving, in order to take off their 
 things and make themselves tidy. It is 
 well to ask if they would like anything to 
 eat or drink, mentioning at the same time 
 when the next meal will be served. Travel 
 is now made so comfortable that it is usually 
 easy to get meals en route. Occasionally it 
 happens, however, that a guest will arrive 
 both hungry and tired. 
 
 Susan should bring her friend to the din- 
 ing-room for the first meal, since it would 
 be awkward for the latter to try to find 
 110 
 
HOW TO TREAT A GTJEST 
 
 her way about alone in a strange place. 
 Afterwards it will hardly be necessary, ex- 
 cept in a large house with intricate passages. 
 
 She will introduce her guest to Mother 
 and to the other members of the family, im- 
 less they already know her. At table, she 
 wiU see that her friend is kept supplied with 
 all she needs, especially if there is not a 
 trained waitress in attendance. Girls and 
 boys visiting away from home are some- 
 times very bashful and will often go with- 
 out, rather than ask for a second helping of 
 meat, for instance. 
 
 Susan must be watchful, therefore, and 
 not become entirely absorbed in her own 
 luncheon. 
 
 She should not urge her friend to eat, 
 however. This was formerly the custom. 
 Old-fashioned hosts insisted upon helping 
 their guests so often and so bounteously, 
 that we sometimes arose from the table, feel- 
 ing hke stuffed anacondas. Such a result 
 was neither wholesome nor comfortable. 
 We now think it is kinder and more polite 
 to allow our friends perfect freedom in these 
 111 
 
BOYS, GIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 matters and to make no comment, if they 
 decline some article of food. 
 
 A hostess will feel a greater responsibil- 
 ity, however, in the case of a visitor staying 
 in the house. Should the latter eat so little 
 as to give the impression that he was not 
 feeling well or that he was accustomed to 
 some particular diet, it would be kind for 
 the lady of the house to inquire whether he 
 would hke to have some dish especially pre- 
 pared for him. 
 
 When asking a young friend to visit her 
 for the first time, Susan should say what 
 the occupations and amusements are likely 
 to be, in order that her guest may know 
 what sort of dress she will probably need. 
 If they are to play tennis, ride on horseback 
 or in a motor-car, tramp through the woods, 
 go boating or bathing, it will be well to men- 
 tion it. If there is likely to be much social 
 gayety — lunches, dances and card parties^^ 
 her guest will be glad to know this in ad- 
 vance. 
 
 Perhaps Susan lives in a very quiet place, 
 in which case she should say so very frankly. 
 112 
 
HOW TO TREAT A GUEST 
 
 If her friend is a sensible girl and loves the 
 country, she will enjoy the simple, informal 
 pleasures that Susan is able to offer her. 
 But she will be more likely to do so, if she 
 knows beforehand what to expect. 
 
 The guest will be more apt to have a 
 good time, if Susan arranges some pleas- 
 ant things for her before her arrival, a pic- 
 nic, card-party, lunch, afternoon tea or 
 whatever the young girl can offer her 
 friend. Susan should also remember to ask 
 her young neighbors to call. She should 
 not be discouraged because she can arrange 
 nothing new. Things and places with 
 which she is very familiar wiU probably be 
 new to her guest. Even if the form of en- 
 tertainment is old, the people invited will 
 not be those to whom her friend is accus- 
 tomed, and will bring in an element of nov- 
 elty. 
 
 By notifying her young neighbors before- 
 hand of her guest's visit, Susan will give 
 them an opportunity of including the latter 
 in their invitations for any festivity they 
 may be planning. Obviously it would be 
 113 
 
BOYS, GIEIS AND MANNERS 
 
 awkward if the young hostess should be 
 asked out to lunch or dinner without her 
 visitor. It would neither be polite to re- 
 quest an in^tation for the latter, nor to go 
 without her, unless she were a near relation 
 or an intimate friend. In this case Susan 
 might go alone to an affair which it seemed 
 especially important she should attend, ask- 
 ing one of her young companions to take 
 her place at home, or arranging something 
 pleasant for her guest during her absence. 
 While as we have said our young hostess 
 could not request an invitation to luncheon, 
 dinner or any occasion where the guests 
 were to be seated at table, she could with 
 propriety ask to take her friend to an after- 
 noon tea or other affair of a general nature. 
 Here it would not matter to the hostess just 
 how many persons were present. Susan 
 would make the request, if she knew the lat- 
 ter fairly well., She would not do so if the 
 acquaintance was very slight, because it 
 would be asking a favor and we must not 
 ask favors of people who are almost stran- 
 gers to us. 
 
 114 
 
CHAPTER X * 
 
 HOW A GUEST SHOULD BEHAVE 
 
 IN the preceding chapter I have given 
 some hints for the behavior of a host 
 or hostess. A sensible guest does not 
 take it for granted, however, that everything 
 will be done for her in the manner there 
 described. If her friend cannot send for 
 her baggage, she will give it in charge of 
 the expressman. If through some accident 
 no one comes to meet her, she will telephone 
 to the house of her hostess, asking the best 
 way to get there. In a country place, the 
 ticket agent in the station can often furnish 
 information. In a large city, it is not safe 
 for a young girl to go alone in a hack picked 
 up at the station. She should take a trol- 
 ley-car or walk. 
 
 The duties of host and guest are recip- 
 rocal. The former extends a cordial wel- 
 come and does her best to be truly hos- 
 115 
 
B07S, GIBIS AND MANNESS 
 
 pitable. The latter responds to her friend's 
 greetings in the same spirit. She expects 
 to enjoy her visit and to be an agreeable 
 inmate of the house. The hostess should of 
 course take the lead in making plans and 
 proposing excursions and entertainments of 
 all sorts. This is her duty and her privi- 
 lege, but she must be careful not to insist 
 upon carrying out her plans, if her guests 
 show only a languid interest in them. The 
 latter should cheerfully second any pro- 
 .posals made by their young hostess, when- 
 ever this is possible. If Susan suggests 
 playing cards and Mabel does not care for 
 this amusement, she can at least say, "I am 
 not much of a card player, but I shall be 
 glad to learn." 
 
 Unless Mabel knows her hostess very 
 well, she should not propose plans for their 
 mutual entertainment until she is asked to 
 do so. If Susan is a pleasant and good- 
 tempered girl, she will be glad to have Ma- 
 bel take her turn in making suggestions. 
 
 A passive guest who sits perfectly still 
 and expects everything to be done for her 
 116 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOULD BEHAVE 
 
 amusement, without any effort at all on her 
 own part, is a tiresome person. She weighs 
 on the spirits of all about her like a verita- 
 ble limip of lead. 
 
 Mabel should bring with her a piece of 
 fancy-work or plain sewing, one or more 
 books to read, letters to answer or some- 
 thing that will occupy her during a part of 
 the day. Susan wUl doubtless have some 
 duties of her own to perform in the morn- 
 ing, the best time for all serious work. In 
 any case, the two girls will enjoy each 
 other's society more, if they do not attempt 
 to spend every moment of the day together. 
 It is not a good plan to do any cutting-out 
 or dressmaking away from home, unless one 
 is staying at the house of an intimate 
 friend. Mabel will conduct such opera- 
 tions in her own room. She will pick up all 
 scraps of cloth and bits of thread or 
 worsted, in order not to htter up the floor. 
 
 She will bring her hat and coat up to her 
 own room, when returning from a walk or a 
 drive, unless she is told she may put them in 
 the hall closet. It would be a decided breach 
 
 117 
 
BOYS, GIEIS AND MANNERS 
 
 of good manners for a guest to leave her 
 things lying about in a disorderly way. 
 Even in her own room, Mabel will try to 
 keep her possessions in their proper places. 
 If she is summoned to a meal before she has 
 had time to put everything away, she will at 
 least shut the door. Should she leave it 
 wide open, with gowns and shoes lying 
 about in confusion, Susan's family would 
 certainly think her a very untidy girl. 
 
 A guest should endeavor to bring with 
 him whatever he will need. I have known 
 people who disliked carrying baggage so 
 much that they would simply put a comb 
 and tooth-brush in their pocket, when going 
 to spend the night at the house of a friend. 
 Such a boy will say, "Tom will lend me 
 whatever I need — why should I bother to 
 take any night-clothes"? If Tom and Su- 
 san had many such selfish and inconsiderate 
 visitors, their own supplies would soon be 
 exhausted and the size of the family wash 
 much increased. 
 
 According to the pleasant modern cus- 
 tom, a guest room is supplied with station- 
 118 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOTIID BEHAVE 
 
 ery and sewing materials. Tom and Susan 
 are certainly at liberty to use these in 
 moderation, but when going for a visit of 
 several days, they should take note paper 
 and envelopes and they should always take 
 stamps. If they find a supply in the desk 
 and use some, they should replace these be- 
 fore leaving. Stamps are like money — and 
 we would not borrow a small sum from a 
 friend without returning it. 
 
 A guest should have some resources of 
 her own to occupy a part of the time, as we 
 have said. It would not be polite, however, 
 to be so much engrossed in her own pursuits 
 as to have scant leisure to enjoy those pro- 
 posed by her hostess. When one goes away 
 from home on a visit, it is best not to take 
 any large piece of work which must be fin- 
 ished at a certain time. If Mabel is hur- 
 rying constantly to get a composition or a 
 pincushion done, her sense of feverish haste 
 will spoil her own pleasure and that of her 
 friend. 
 
 A boy or a girl who is very fond of read- 
 ing must look out also for the danger of be- 
 119 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 coming too much absorbed in some delight- 
 ful book, perhaps spending the day over an 
 exciting novel, instead of going out to walk 
 with the rest of the party. In a word, the 
 ideal visitor is the person who can amuse and 
 occupy himself, but who is ready to lay aside 
 whatever he is doing and join in any plan 
 proposed by the host. 
 
 It is pleasant to have a hostess say, 
 "Make yourself entirely at home," but we 
 must not take this invitation literally. 
 
 We are glad to know that our friend so 
 kindly places her house at our disposal. 
 Yet common sense tells us that we must not 
 usurp the privileges of the family who are 
 still living there. If they were absent and 
 we had hired the dwelling, we might behave 
 as we would at home, but not otherwise. 
 
 The phrase merely means that we are cor- 
 dially welcome and that we may feel at our 
 ease, as we do in our own house. 
 
 It is a breach of good manners to give or- 
 ders to other people's servants. This is the 
 province of those who employ them and pay 
 their wages. Neither should we expect es- 
 120 
 
HOW A GTJEST SHOULD BEHAVE 
 
 pecial service from them, since they will 
 have all their usual work to do, indeed more, 
 during our stay, for they will have one more 
 person to attend to. In a large establish- 
 ment, where many maids are employed, 
 more will be done for the guest than would 
 be possible in a house with one or two serv- 
 ants. If Susan offers to have Mabel's 
 clothes brushed or her shoes cleaned, it will 
 usually be safe for the latter to accept the 
 offer. Young girls who are accustomed to 
 being much waited upon at home, should be 
 very careful when they stay with friends 
 whose households are differently arranged. 
 Susan may be so anxious to make her friend 
 comfortable that she will endeavor to do 
 many things for Mabel, which the latter's 
 maid would attend to, in her own house. 
 Mabel will not wish to be so inconsiderate 
 as the gentleman who stayed at a friend's 
 house and left his boots outside his door 
 overnight, supposing that a manservant 
 would clean them. He was much mortified 
 when he found that the master of the house 
 had blacked the shoes! Even in a large es- 
 121 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 tablishment, Mabel must never ask to have 
 any ripping, sewing or pressing done, unless 
 Susan has proposed this. If the visit is to 
 be so long that she will need to have some 
 clothes washed, she should ask her friend 
 to make arrangements for this in good sea- 
 son, especially in the country where it is 
 not always easy to find any one willing to 
 do such work. Mabel must neither ask nor 
 consent to have any laundry work done at 
 her friend's house. Even if she were stay- 
 ing with a near relative, this would seldom 
 be convenient. 
 
 She must never ask a friend's servant to 
 do any errand outside the house. If she 
 really needs anything very badly and can- 
 not go herself, she must ask Susan or 
 Susan's mother whether it will be entirely 
 convenient to send the maid, or she may tel- 
 ephone to the shop herself. 
 
 Mabel will be careful not to treat Susan's 
 family with familiarity, if she does not know 
 them well. She will of course always be 
 respectful to the latter's parents and to any 
 other older people who may be inmates of 
 122 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOUID BEHAVE 
 
 or visitors at the house. The free and easy 
 air which some boys and girls adopt toward 
 their elders makes them appear very badly, 
 did they but know it! If the brothers and 
 sisters are grown up, Mabel will not call 
 them by their first names, until they ask her 
 to do so. While she might at home lie 
 down on the couch or sofa in the family 
 sitting-room, she must never do this at 
 Stisan's house, nor must she call up and 
 down the stairs. 
 
 If she is fond of playing upon the piano, 
 she will ask her friend at what time it will 
 be convenient for her to do so. Otherwise 
 she might disturb some member of the fam- 
 ily who was taking an afternoon nap or 
 writing an important letter. 
 
 A guest never thinks of going into the 
 kitchen, nor into any bedroom but her own, 
 unless asked to do so by her hostess. Ma- 
 bel will probably prefer to sleep with 
 Susan, but if the latter's mother arranges 
 otherwise, a well-bred girl will acquiesce 
 promptly and cheerfully. If she is afraid 
 of fire or burglars, or if she feels homesick, 
 123 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND IklANNEBS 
 
 she should say as little as possible about it. 
 
 The first time a young girl stays away 
 from home, she may very naturally miss her 
 own family sadly, but if she cannot conquer 
 the feeling, she is not likely to be an agree- 
 able visitor. 
 
 Perhaps Mabel may have friends living 
 near by who do not know Susan. If they 
 come to see her, she should ask the young 
 hostess to come in and share the call. 
 
 In asking her to spend the day or to go 
 to the theatre, it would be courteous on their 
 part to invite Susan also. If they did not, 
 Mabel would consult her friend before ac- 
 cepting the invitation, since the latter might 
 have arranged something else for her guest, 
 for that time. If she had not, Mabel would 
 be at liberty to go elsewherfe, occasionally. 
 A host has the main responsibility for the 
 entertainment of a guest. Should the lat- 
 ter accept many invitations from other per- 
 sons, her hostess might feel hurt. It is not 
 polite to stay with a friend and then be ab- 
 sent so much that she will feel her house is 
 being made a mere convenience. 
 124 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOULD BEHAVE 
 
 Perhaps Mabel may have accepted some 
 special invitation before arriving at Susan's 
 home. In this case, she will tell the latter 
 at once. 
 
 In order to be an agreeable inmate of a 
 house, it is important to find out the rules 
 and regulations and to obey them. Mabel 
 will be very punctual at meals and will not 
 keep her friend's family up at night, after 
 their usual hour of retiring. 
 
 She will perhaps have some discussions 
 with Susan and Tom and it is to be hoped 
 these will not go on so long that any of the 
 young people will become cross or excited. 
 This is the danger of all arguments, that 
 people will become ill-tempered over them. 
 Therefore, if Mabel finds that her opinions 
 on any subject are entirely different from 
 those of her hosts, she will be wise if she 
 avoids debate and talks of something else. 
 In many clubs, the discussion of politics and 
 religion is forbidden, because these subjects 
 are apt to create too much warmth and ex- 
 citement. 
 
 If Susan is visiting Mary Jones and is 
 125 
 
BOYS, eiRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 having a delightful time, she may not feel 
 inclined to go home at the end of the week 
 for which she was invited. Perhaps there 
 is to be an excursion in motor-cars on the 
 following Tuesday, to which she would par- 
 ticularly like to go. 
 
 Susan may feel tempted to say to Mary, 
 "Oh, I should like so much to go on that 
 trip — don't you believe your mother would 
 let me stay longer?" We hope she will not 
 yield to the temptation for if she does, she 
 may put Mary in a very awkward predica- 
 ment. The latter will dislike very much to 
 refuse her friend's request, yet she knows 
 that other guests are expected, and that the 
 house will be full on the following Tues- 
 day. Mary is doubtless a good-natured 
 girl, so she tells her mother how much Susan 
 wants to go on the trip, and asks whether 
 the latter can be invited to prolong her visit. 
 
 Mrs. Jones consents rather reluctantly 
 
 on condition that Mary will take her friend 
 
 into her own room, as there will be no place 
 
 for her elsewhere. When the other guests 
 
 126 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOULD BEHAVE 
 
 arrive, the table is so full that Mary's 
 younger brother has to sit at the side-table. 
 On the motor-trip, every one on the back 
 seat is crowded and uncomfortable, because 
 Susan makes one too many. 
 
 She has a good time, but she has an un- 
 pleasant consciousness of being in the way. 
 So she makes up her mind that she will never 
 again ask to stay longer. 
 
 The rules of good breeding prescribe that 
 a guest shall leave punctually at the end 
 of the period for which she was originally 
 asked. There are, of course, exceptions to 
 this rule. If there had been room for 
 Susan, Mrs. Jones might have invited her 
 to stay for the motor-trip. But our young 
 friend should not accept such an invitation, 
 unless it were a cordial one, and unless it 
 came from the head of the house and not 
 from the daughter alone. 
 
 Some hostesses say as a matter of polite- 
 ness, "We are sorry to have you go," or, "I 
 wish you could stay a little longer." A 
 yoimg visitor must not take these expres- 
 127 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 sions of civility for a genuine invitation to 
 prolong her stay. They are seldom so in- 
 tended. 
 
 If Susan has been invited for a few 
 days, she may honestly be in doubt as to 
 how long she should remain. With our 
 rapid means of communication, people do 
 not make such long visits as they did a few 
 years ago. Susan would expect to leave on 
 Thursday or Friday, if she had been invited 
 for a few days and had arrived on Monday. 
 Week-end parties are now in favor, the 
 guests being asked to come on Friday or 
 Saturday and departing promptly on Mon- 
 day morning. 
 
 It is a part of true politeness for a hostess 
 to invite her friends for a definite period of 
 time, from Monday to Friday for instance, 
 or for a week. When Susan goes to stay 
 with a schoolmate and no length of time is 
 mentioned, she will be guided in a measure 
 by the distance. If she has traveled several 
 hundred miles to make a single visit, she will 
 probably be expected to remain a week or 
 perhaps longer. If she has crossed the con- 
 128 
 
HOW A GUEST SHOULB BEHAVE 
 
 tinent, her hostess may wish her to stay a 
 fortnight or even a month. A guest who 
 has delicacy of feeling is always anxious to 
 avoid outstaying her welcome. 
 
 Mabel should allow plenty of time to pack 
 her trunk or bag before she goes away. If 
 she does this at the last moment, she will 
 be very apt to leave something behind and 
 thus give her hostess the trouble of sending 
 it after her. At a certain camp, the boys 
 were so careless as to leave some forty ar- 
 ticles behind them when they went home in 
 the autumn! All these had to be done up 
 and shipped, a task which it took more than 
 a day to accomplish. The young man who 
 tied up and expressed all these parcels, 
 thought it was just a little selfish of his 
 camp-mates to leave him to do this work. 
 If each boy had spent five or ten minutes 
 looking up his possessions, their friend 
 would not have lost a whole day of his vaca- 
 tion! 
 
 Our young visitors will take pains to bid 
 all the family good-bye when they leave, and 
 especially the mother. They will express 
 129 
 
B07S, OIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 their pleasure in the visit to her, as well as 
 to their special friend. 
 
 After they have returned home, they will 
 write her, as soon as possible, a letter thank- 
 ing her for her hospitality. This should be 
 sent within three or four days, or within a 
 week, at the very latest. Tom's friends 
 may think it much easier to write to him 
 rather than to his mother, but it is more 
 courteous to send a note of thanks to her, 
 because she has been their hostess. 
 
 13d 
 
CHAPTER XI 
 
 MANNERS AT SCHOOL 
 
 HOME is the place where we receive 
 our first instruction in manners. 
 The baby's education in behavior 
 begins ahnost as soon as he enters this 
 world. He learns to lie quietly on the bed 
 and go to sleep by himself, although he 
 would much prefer to be rocked or walked 
 with. Day by day he is taught one lesson 
 after another, how to feed and dress him- 
 self, how to treat the other members of the 
 household, how to behave when there are 
 guests. By-and-bye he grows old enough 
 to go to school, and here he will receive ad- 
 ditional instruction in manners. 
 
 When he graduates and goes out into the 
 world, he wiU learn more lessons in behavior. 
 But we must receive social education in all 
 these three places — ^the home, the school and 
 the world, if we mean to be thoroughly well- 
 131 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 bred and courteous, and I am sure we all 
 desire to be so. 
 
 At school the boy will learn, among other 
 things, how to treat the teacher and his fel- 
 low-scholars. He will learn also what 
 treatment to expect .from them. 
 
 In this new and larger field he will find 
 himself a much less important figure than 
 in his own home. There father and mother 
 endeavored to arrange everything for the 
 benefit of their children, and consulted the 
 tastes of the latter in many ways. If Tom 
 said or did anything clever, if he were 
 quick at figures, or skilful at whittling with 
 his penknife, his parents admired and en- 
 couraged his childish efforts. When Tom 
 was late, probably little was said about it. 
 
 At school, all this is necessarily changed. 
 The new scholar is only one out of a num- 
 ber of boys and girls — twenty or forty as 
 the case may be — and he cannot be consid- 
 ered more than the rest. The teacher may 
 be a very kind woman and fond of children, 
 but she cannot be expected to think Tom 
 such a prodigy as he appears in the eyes of 
 132 
 
MANNERS AT SCHOOL 
 
 his parents. Since she has a large number 
 of young people to keep in order she must 
 enforce discipline. If four or five boys and 
 girls are rather noisy, the result is not very 
 bad. But if thirty or forty children are 
 allowed to do just as they like, the noise 
 and confusion will be unbearable. In a 
 word, a school is like an army, where there 
 must be rules and regulations and where 
 order must be maintained, or Babel will re- 
 sult. 
 
 The teacher must not only drill her little 
 flock in behavior, she must also, of course, 
 see that they learn their lessons and recite 
 them properly. Hence her task is far from 
 an easy one. Children to whom school life 
 is new, are sometimes quite restless under 
 the yoke. They are inchned to consider 
 the teacher as their natural enemy and les- 
 sons as cruel inflictions which are to be 
 dodged as much as possible. This is not 
 surprising in very young boys and girls. 
 But when Tom and Susan have reached 
 their teens, they should be above such a child- 
 ish attitude of mind. They should realize 
 133 
 
BOYS, OIBLS AITD ILOJOTEBS 
 
 that if studies are neglected the loss will be 
 theirs, not the teacher's. People often re- 
 gret bitterly, when it is too late, the neg- 
 lected opportunities of the school-room. If 
 Mr. X, the principal, seems rather strict, 
 we would suggest that Tom should, in im- 
 agination, put himself in Mr. X's place. 
 How would he like to be condemned to keep 
 that room full of mischievous boys in order, 
 and would he be able to do it? We fancy 
 that Tom or any one of his mates would be 
 quite as severe as Mr. X, if not more so, 
 were he put in the place of authority. A 
 young substitute teacher sometimes finds it 
 impossible to maintain discipline. There- 
 fore in all fairness Tom should submit 
 good-humoredly to the rules which he 
 knows, at the bottom of his heart, are nec- 
 essary. 
 
 School is a little world in itself. When 
 a boy enters it, he will wish to show that he 
 can behave well. If he does not, he casts 
 discredit on his parents. Tom would be 
 very sorry to have it said of him, "That boy 
 must have been very badly brought up, he 
 134 
 
MANNERS AT SCHOOL 
 
 does not know how to mind what is said to 
 him." 
 
 It is to be hoped that he has learned the 
 lesson of self-control before leaving home. 
 If he has not, he must master it without de- 
 lay. A wise teacher will help him accom- 
 plish this. The principal of the school to 
 which my sons went never called his pupils 
 boys, but always men. They were boys in 
 reality, as some of them were not more than 
 twelve years old. But by calling them men, 
 he appealed to thfeir manliness. He made 
 them feel they must acquit themselves like 
 men and not behave like spoiled children. It 
 need scarcely be said that his pupils were all 
 fond of him, although it was currently re- 
 ported that he had eyes in the back of his 
 head ; for he appeared to see everything and 
 would allow no breach of discipline. 
 
 As affection and obedience to parents are 
 the keynote of good manners in the home, 
 so respect and obedience to teachers are the 
 most important points in the courtesy of the 
 school-room. 
 
 These take the place of Tom's father and 
 135 
 
BOYS, GIEIS AND MANNERS 
 
 mother, for the time being. Since he goes 
 to that particular school, because they have 
 sent him there, in obeying those in author- 
 ity he is simply carrying out the wishes of 
 his parents. It is to be hoped that he will 
 hke his teachers, but even if he does not, he 
 should show them in his tone of voice and 
 general demeanor the respect which their 
 calling and position demand. The vocation 
 of teacher is one of the highest, noblest and 
 most difficult in the world. 
 
 Tom should remember at school, as well 
 as elsewhere, the small courtesies of life 
 which make the difference between a gentle- 
 man and a boor. He will not forget to say 
 good-morning when he arrives and again 
 when he leaves. He will refrain from an- 
 swering back and arguing with his teachers. 
 
 Most boys enjoy making a noise and 
 they should certainly be permitted to do so, 
 at the right time. At recess, it is usually 
 expected that the children will exercise their 
 lungs as well as their muscles, and have a 
 good romp. But during school hours, boys 
 and girls should remember to walk about 
 136 
 
MANNERS AT SCHOOL 
 
 quietly. It is always bad manners to slam 
 a door or to bang down a desk-lid, either 
 at school or elsewhere. Old papers and the 
 remains of luncheon should never be thrown 
 about the floor or the school-yard. As for 
 the chewing of gum, it is a most ugly and 
 unpleasant habit, although dear to the hearts 
 of some boys and girls. 
 
 It is a well-known point of honor among 
 boys never to tell tales out of school. If 
 one of them has done something to which 
 the teacher objects, the others think it their 
 duty to keep quiet about it. It would seem 
 to their elders as if the same sense of honor 
 ought to restrain the boys from complain- 
 ing at home of their teachers, unless in some 
 exceptional case. Some thoughtless boys 
 and girls are always getting into little 
 difficulties at school. They bring home a 
 great many stories showing how mean Miss 
 
 X was, or how unfair Mr. B was, 
 
 in giving another pupil a higher mark. I 
 do not suppose these boys and girls intend 
 to be unjust to their teachers; but they 
 like to make a strong showing for them- 
 137 
 
BOTS, 6IKIS AND MANNERS 
 
 selves, and they forget that the latter have 
 no opportunity to present their side of the 
 case. 
 
 In justice to the school authorities, par- 
 ents should discourage this sort of idle tale- 
 bearing. They ought to give the teacher 
 the benefit of the doubt. It is not at all 
 probable that Mr. B — — was really unfair, 
 
 or that Miss X was mean. If all the 
 
 circumstances were known, the pupils would 
 see just why Mr. B gave G a bet- 
 ter mark than F . But if Mr. B 
 
 always stopped to explain to his pupils just 
 why he did a certain thing, much valuable 
 time would be lost. The boys and girls 
 ought to have more faith in their instructors, 
 and not constantly attribute unworthy mo- 
 tives to them. 
 
 If Miss X is a little cross on Fri- 
 day afternoon, Susan need not feel so in- 
 dignant about it. Doubtless Susan and her 
 friends have been doing many things to try 
 
 Miss X 's patience. The latter has been 
 
 working hard all the week, she is tired and 
 her head aches. 
 
 138 
 
I/TANNERS AT SCHOOL 
 
 The profession of teaching is a very wear- 
 ing one. It is especially fatiguing to the 
 nerves. Instead of being surprised that 
 teachers are occasionally a little cross, we 
 ought to be devoutly thankful that they are 
 as a rule so patient. Parents ought to sup- 
 port the authority of the teacher and take 
 her part. If a boy or girl seems to have 
 serious reason for complaint, mother should 
 go to see the teacher and give the latter a 
 fair chance to tell her version of the story 
 before finding fault. It is an ex- 
 cellent plan for parents and teachers to meet 
 often and consult together about the wel- 
 fare of the children. Many misunder- 
 standings are prevented in this way, and 
 Cordial relations established. 
 
 While the pupils should not complain 
 about trivial matters, they should certainly 
 speak to their parents about any school reg- 
 ulations which conflict with the laws of 
 health. Thus if the room is hot or close, 
 if the light is poor or if there is a lack 
 of cleanliness anywhere on the prem- 
 139 
 
SOTS, 6IEIS AND HANNEBS 
 
 ises, Susan or Tom should certainly report 
 this at home. 
 
 While there is a difference of opinion as to 
 the desirability of having children bring les- 
 sons home to learn, parents should certainly 
 take an interest in the studies of the boys 
 and girls, and respond to any just demands 
 on their sympathy. 
 
 140 
 
CHAPTER XII 
 
 MANNERS AT BOYs' SCHOOLS 
 
 IF a boy has brothers and sisters, he will 
 be prepared in a measure for the treat- 
 ment he will receive from his fellow-pu- 
 pils. If he is an only child, it is to be 
 feared he may be a good deal surprised at 
 his reception at school. Yet the teasing of 
 the other boys may be the best medicine in 
 the world for him, bitter as the taste may 
 be, at the moment. 
 
 A child who has never had a chance to 
 measure his abilities against those of other 
 children, who has been surrounded by an ad- 
 miring chorus of elders, usually takes him- 
 self much too seriously. He fancies his tal- 
 ents are greater than they are ; if he is con- 
 ceited, one can hardly blame him. The 
 fault is not entirely his own. It is the re- 
 sult of the unnatural circumstances in which 
 he has been placed. Children were intended 
 141 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND I£&NNEBS 
 
 to associate with other ehUdren and thus 
 learn their own limitations. 
 
 Boys will not permit one of their nmnber 
 to think himself a superior person, if they 
 can possibly help it. Some powerful in- 
 stinct, native in the heart of the young hu- 
 man male animal, bids them fall as one man 
 upon such a boy, and "take it out of him," 
 as they would say, by any and every means 
 in their power. They will pommel him, rub 
 his face with snow, duck him in the pond, 
 tease and torment him with great ingenuity, 
 all with the conscientious aim of lessening 
 his vanity, they will tell you. 
 
 The aim is a good one, but the means 
 taken to accomplish it are often unwise and 
 cruel. To grow up to manhood or woman- 
 hood, with the idea that one is superior to 
 other people, is unfortunate. The world is 
 apt to treat pretty roughly a man who 
 thinks too highly of himself. Perhaps boys 
 have a dim consciousness of this, and admin- 
 ister their pommeling, to prevent worse 
 things later on in the life of their victim, as 
 a physician vaccinates a child in order to 
 142 
 
MANNERS AT BOTS' SCHOOLS 
 
 forestall the small-pox. But the remedy is 
 sometimes worse than the disease. In the 
 heart of every hmnan being, as we are told, 
 there lurk some savage instincts inherited 
 from our prehistoric ancestors. These in- 
 stincts are often very noticeable in boys of 
 a certain age. When they treat their mates 
 with cruelty, it is not purely from the desire 
 to improve and discipline their comrades. 
 It is yielding to the same horrid instinct 
 which makes the North American Indians 
 torture their prisoners. 
 
 Fortunately most boys possess also a 
 sense of fair play and a desire for justice. 
 We would remind them that it is neither 
 manly nor in accordance with the rules of 
 sport, for a big, strong boy to pound a lit- 
 tle delicate one, nor for several to attack 
 one. 
 
 We would advise the smaller boy to be 
 as patient as he can, remembering that if 
 he shows pluck and good nature, he will 
 win the respect of his fellows. There is 
 nothing they despise like a mollycoddle or 
 a cry-baby. If the small boy convinces 
 143 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 lem of his courage, they will let him alone 
 'ter a time. Should some big bully per- 
 st in tormenting him, the more manly fel- 
 ws wiU take his part and become his pro- 
 ctors. 
 
 We should also strongly advise a new pu- 
 il to cultivate a sense of humor. He 
 lould learn to laugh at a joke, even where 
 
 is at his own expense, instead of sulking 
 r having his feehngs hurt. Injured feel- 
 igs are sometimes only another name for 
 ounded vanity. He should try to put 
 imself in the place of the other boys, and 
 ^member how funny it would all seem to 
 im, were he not the victim. If his com- 
 ides really are unfair or cruel, he can at 
 ;ast learn a lesson from their behavior, and 
 Bsolve that he will never treat a little fel- 
 )w in that way when he grows bigger. 
 
 144 
 
CHAPTER XIII 
 
 MANNERS AT GIRLS'" SCHOOLS 
 
 EXCEPT when they are very young, 
 girls do not treat each other with 
 the roughness that boys show to 
 their comrades. Yet they sometimes tease 
 and snub in a very unkind way. To make 
 fun of another girl because she is awkward 
 or poorly dressed, or because her pronuncia- 
 tion is different from that of the others, is 
 really cruel, especially if the new pupil is 
 sensitive. 
 
 Girls often fancy that behavior of this 
 sort is smart. In reality it shows how nar- 
 row and limited their experience has been. 
 A woman of the world knows what a great 
 variety of people it contains. She knows 
 that the pronunciation of our language dif- 
 fers in different parts of the country, al- 
 though not so much as in the various coun- 
 ties of England. 
 
 145 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 A Virginia girl once expressed to a 
 friend from New Jersey her great dislike 
 of the accent of a third girl, who had been 
 brought up in the State of Maine. 
 
 "I cannot bear that dreadful Maine 
 twang and accent," she declared. 
 
 "Why, my dear Clara, don't you know 
 that you have quite as much twang as 
 Elinor, only it is of a different sort?" re- 
 plied the New Jersey girl — ^who had had a 
 wider experience. Clara was greatly sur- 
 prised and at first indignant. It had never 
 occurred to her that her Southern accent 
 was quite as marked as the New England 
 pronunciation of her friend, which she so 
 disliked. 
 
 The woman of the world knows that it is 
 petty, provincial and old-fashioned to in- 
 dulge in these sectional prejudices. They 
 belong properly to the days of the stage- 
 coach, when travel was so slow that people 
 of one part of the United States knew lit- 
 tle about the rest. Now that the telephone, 
 the telegraph, the railroad and the rapid- 
 sailing ocean steamer have brought us into 
 146 
 
MANNERS AT GIBIS' SCHOOLS 
 
 close and constant communication with the 
 whole civilized world, not only sectional but 
 race prejudices are rapidly melting away. 
 We are beginning to feel a sense of kin- 
 ship with the inhabitants of the most remote 
 foreign lands. Hence the boy or girl who 
 thinks his own part of the country infinitely 
 superior to the rest, and who looks down 
 upon the people of another State, is entirely 
 out-of-date, did he but know it. 
 
 At many boarding-schools the pupils 
 from different sections are mixed together 
 for the express purpose of breaking up 
 these local prepossessions and prejudices. 
 They thus learn not to express their opin- 
 ions in a way to hurt other people's feelings. 
 Girls who come from different States or 
 from other countries, will hold different 
 views on many subjects. Perhaps one will 
 be a Democrat and another a Republican, 
 or they may belong to different religious de- 
 nominations. Hence opinions which they 
 may properly express at home must be as- 
 serted with less vehemence at school. They 
 must also avoid criticizing other lands or 
 147 
 
30YS, OIBIS AND IffiANNEBS 
 
 other sections of the country, and avoid 
 praising their own too highly. Otherwise 
 they appear boastful and provincial. 
 
 Girls who possess a talent for mimicry 
 sometimes indulge in it, at the expense of 
 their school-mates. This is ill-bred and un- 
 kind. If the girl whose peculiarities are 
 being shown up, should happen to come into 
 the room, she would feel much hurt at the 
 exaggerated portrait of herself. A person 
 who can mimic well possesses dramatic abil- 
 ity in some measure, and there is no reason 
 she should not use this for the amusement of 
 her friends and herself, provided she does so 
 in the right way. She can give monologues 
 or recitations, or take part in charades or 
 plays. But she should try to reproduce a 
 type or character, rather than an individual. 
 Or she can act the part of some historical 
 personage. 
 
 To criticize dress or personal appearance, 
 is not polite. Neither must we ask ques- 
 tions about articles of costume. Whether a 
 gown or hat is old or new, made to order, 
 bought ready-made or of home manufac- 
 148 
 
MANNERS AT GIBLS' SCHOOLS 
 
 ture, whether it is cheap or expensive, is not 
 our affair. 
 
 A girl who is a stranger in the city may 
 of course ask advice in a general way, as 
 to the best shops to go to for certain ar- 
 ticles. She may inquire about the differ- 
 ent milliners, etc. Her friend can then tell 
 her, if she pleases, where she buys her own 
 hats and gowns. 
 
 In the same way, a girl who knows an- 
 other very well may make some sugges- 
 tions to her about her wardrobe, when they 
 are alone together. But it must be done in 
 a very careful and delicate manner, lest her 
 feelings should be hurt. 
 
 149 
 
CHAPTER XIV 
 
 MANNERS AT CO-EDUCATIONAL SCHOOLS 
 
 EVERY manly boy intends to be cour- 
 teous to girls, and to treat them 
 fairly. Of course he considers them 
 as his inferiors, because they can neither 
 run nor swim so well as he, while their ball- 
 throwing is beneath his contempt. He does 
 not understand their point of view, and he 
 does not care to associate much with them. 
 But their very weakness appeals to his native 
 sense of chivalry. He may grumble to his 
 companions about the unfair things they do, 
 but it would be beneath his masculine dig- 
 nity to take any advantage when dealing 
 with a girl. 
 
 Although he may look down upon them, 
 because of their greater refinement and deli- 
 cacy of organization, he instinctively feels 
 that in their presence he must not behave 
 with the 'roughness which he might display 
 in purely masculine company. 
 150 
 
MANNERS AT CO-EDTJCATIONAI SCHOOLS 
 
 He will moderate the tones of his voice 
 and be careful in his choice of language, say- 
 ing nothing that might grate unpleasantly 
 on refined feminine ears. A gentleman 
 never swears in the presence of girls or 
 women. Indeed I am glad to say that the 
 habit of swearing is much less common than 
 it was. In the twentieth century, the use 
 of profane language is thought to be vul- 
 gar. 
 
 Our manly bory will remember the old 
 rule, "Ladies first," and will never push in 
 ahead of a girl. Only a very mean or a 
 very ill-bred boy will do that. 
 
 As he grows older, his views change 
 greatly. He begins to find the society of 
 girls more agreeable. Instead of being per- 
 fectly self-assured, he is bashful when in 
 their company. His confidence in his own 
 superiority on all points weakens decidedly. 
 
 If he admires a certain girl very much 
 and other boys do the same, he may be very 
 jealous of them. Perhaps one of his com- 
 rades will see her home from school and 
 carry her books for her, when Tom had con- 
 151 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 fidently expected to do this himself. His 
 sense of fairness should remind him that the 
 other boy has as much right as he to escort 
 his pretty school-mate. It should remind 
 him also that she is perfectly free to choose 
 her own companion. To insist upon going, 
 too, or to frown and glower at the other boy, 
 would be very ill-bred. The wisest way is 
 to bid her good-afternoon as pleasantly as 
 he can, and to ask her in better season next 
 day. 
 
 If Tom feels he has any grievance against 
 the other fellow, he should not discuss this 
 in the presence of the girl. To indulge in 
 angry talk would be very unmanly and ill- 
 bred. A girl with the right sort of feeling 
 would feel distressed to be the cause of such 
 a controversy, while she would be indignant 
 at the selfishness and thoughtlessness of her 
 school-mates, in putting her into such an un- 
 pleasant position. She knows that people 
 will be apt to blame her for the difficulty, 
 thinking she must have said or done some- 
 thing to lead up to it. For all these reasons 
 a man who is a gentleman carefully avoids 
 152 
 
MANNERS AT CO-EDUCATIONAL SCHOOLS 
 
 saying anything likely to cause a quarrel 
 in the presence of a lady. 
 
 Girls and boys have very good times to- 
 gether as school-mates, especially when they 
 cease to be children and begin to grow into 
 young men and women. They meet to- 
 gether in pleasant comradeship, over their 
 studies and in their plays. Occasionally 
 they need to be reminded that the girls must 
 not be hoydenish, and that the boys must 
 not treat them as they would other young 
 men. One of the rules of good manners is, 
 that we shall not touch nor take hold of an- 
 other person. Between intimate friends, 
 this rule is often laid aside, but it is adhered 
 to strictly among strangers and among those 
 who know each other slightly. 
 
 The respect due to women prescribes that 
 a gentleman must never take hold of a 
 lady's arm nor lay his hand on her shoulder, 
 unless she is a near relative. Every manly 
 young fellow means to show proper respect 
 to girls and women, yet he may forget it 
 when all are having a good time together. 
 Perhaps he pulls the hair of a school-mate, 
 153 
 
B07S, GIRLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 claps her on the shoulder as if she were a 
 boy or drags her along by the hand. She 
 should at once remind him that he is not be- 
 having like a gentleman. It is not often 
 necessary for her to say this, in so many 
 words. A look, a word, even a changed 
 tone of voice, should show him that she is 
 displeased, and that he must not allow him- 
 self such liberties. If he does not take the 
 hint and repeats the offense, she will have 
 to be more explicit, to tell him he must not 
 behave in that way. He will like her none 
 the worse because she refuses to be treated 
 rudely. A girl may be very merry and full 
 of fun, and yet remember always the wom- 
 anly dignity which is her greatest charm. 
 
 The best way to stop this sort of rough- 
 ness is to behave as if her comrade had made 
 a momentary mistake. People are very apt 
 to do what they see is expected of them. 
 If a young girl shows her companions she 
 believes in their courteous intentions and 
 therefore reminds them to be polite, they 
 wiU remember their good manners, and the 
 unpleasant incident will be passed over with 
 154 
 
MANNERS AT CO-EDUCATIONAI SCHOOLS 
 
 as little friction as possible. Whereas if 
 she grew angry, they might feel she was 
 making too much out of a trifle, and perhaps 
 think her stiff or "stuck-up." 
 
 A sensible girl likes to have pleasant com- 
 radeship with the boys whom she knows and 
 Ukes. But she should never allow the pull- 
 ing about by the hands, the slapping with 
 the consequent giggling and screaming, in 
 which thoughtless young people sometimes 
 indulge, without realizing, let us hope, how 
 underbred such conduct is. 
 
 155 
 
CHAPTER XV 
 
 MANNERS AT BOARDING-SCHOOL 
 
 WHEN a girl goes to boarding- 
 school, it becomes her home for 
 the time being, and she should 
 do her best to make it a happy one. 
 
 To a girl who has always lived under her 
 parents' roof, the discipline may at first 
 seem strict. But as we have already seen, 
 this greater strictness is an absolute neces- 
 sity, even in the day-school. Where the pu- 
 pils live on the premises, it is even more im- 
 portant. The larger the establishment, the 
 greater the need of that order which is 
 Heaven's first law. At boarding-school 
 girls are expected to keep their bureau 
 drawers closed, their rooms tidy. If one or 
 two persons run up and down stairs, in a 
 private family, no one need be much dis- 
 turbed. But if fifty or a hundred girls do 
 it, a great deal of noise will result. Hence 
 it cannot be allowed. 
 
 156 
 
MANNERS AT BOARDING-SCHOOL 
 
 To maintain quiet in the halls and lob- 
 bies is usually difficult, but necessary for 
 the comfort of all. At one school that I 
 know, the pupils can converse only in 
 French when passing through these. As 
 most of them are much less famihar with 
 this language than with their own, they do 
 not talk so fast. Since the French are a 
 very polite people, the use of their tongue 
 reminds the girls to be quiet and courteous. 
 
 Rubber heels or light shoes are prescribed 
 for indoor wear, at some schools, to dimin- 
 ish the noise in the corridors as much as 
 possible. While quiet is highly desirable in 
 the day-time, it is even more important after 
 the household have retired for the night. 
 To come back late in the evening and talk 
 aloud or make more noise than is absolutely 
 necessary, when other people are asleep, is 
 both inconsiderate and ill-bred. 
 
 The rules necessarily differ in different 
 schools. Each principal has his own spe- 
 cial problems to face, each one has worked 
 out a plan which fits the needs of that par- 
 ticular establishment. It cannot be ex- 
 157 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 pected that he will explain to the pupils 
 all the reasons for the regulations. In 
 many cases it would be unwise to do so. 
 The young students must be guided by his 
 greater judgment and experience. The re- 
 sponsibiUty for the health, comfort and ui- 
 tellectual development of a large number of 
 young people, is indeed a heavy burden. 
 Since this rests upon the principal and his 
 assistants, the pupils should surely help 
 those in authority by a cheerful acquiescence 
 in the arrangements. It is very pleasant to 
 see a spirit of loyalty among the pupils, and 
 we often do see it. Where a boy or a girl is 
 sincerely attached to his Alma Mater, where 
 he believes thoroughly in it, we get the best 
 results. Why should not Tom think that 
 his school, the one which his parents have 
 selected, is the very best one in the world for 
 him? 
 
 One discontented person, one grumbler 
 has a bad effect on the whole estabhshment. 
 Perhaps a girl has been in the habit of go- 
 ing to many dances, when living at home. 
 She is sent to boarding-school, where she 
 158 
 
MANNERS AT BOABDINO-SCHOOL 
 
 may not be allowed to go to any dances. 
 Although her parents did not deem it best 
 to say so to her, they may have sent her to 
 
 Miss X 's school for that very reason. 
 
 They doubtless thought that her mind was 
 too much occupied with gayety, or that her 
 health was suffering from late hours. A 
 wise girl will accept the situation and will 
 find no fault. A foolish girl will sometimes 
 fret and grumble until she makes the other 
 pupils discontented, A boy who dislikes 
 study may be sent to a school where the 
 majority of the students are earnest work- 
 ers. His parents selected that particular 
 establishment, hoping their son would be in- 
 fluenced by the serious tone of those about 
 him. If he is obstinate as well as indolent, 
 if he persists in resisting instruction, he will 
 have an unfavorable effect in the school. 
 Another boy may pay a fair amount of at- 
 tention to his studies, but object to the dis- 
 cipline and arouse a spirit of insubordination 
 among his fellows. He perhaps does this 
 thoughtlessly, in a spirit of fun and mis- 
 chief. 
 
 159 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Any of these young people would be 
 greatly surprised and hurt if the principal 
 asked their parents to take them away, be- 
 cause they were interfering with the har- 
 mony of the establishment. Such things do 
 happen. The head of a school is obliged in 
 self-defense and in justice to the other pu- 
 pils and their parents, to get rid of a person 
 who upsets the discipline or lowers the tone 
 of the school. Many principals go farther 
 than this. They will not receive as board- 
 ing-scholars, young people who are likely to 
 be tricky or insubordinate. 
 
 When girls go to the theatre, or on an 
 expedition of pleasure or shopping to a 
 neighboring city, one of the teachers goes 
 with them as chaperon. She would cer- 
 tainly do so were they invited to an enter- 
 tainment at a boys' school or a man's col- 
 lege. A weU-bred girl will always be espe- 
 cially courteous and considerate to any of- 
 ficer of the school who undertakes this duty. 
 The latter takes the place of mother to her 
 young charges for the time being. Her 
 presence lends dignity to the occasion, and 
 160 
 
MANNERS AT BOARDING-SCHOOI 
 
 often adds to their pleasure, did they but 
 know it. Instead of feehng any anxiety 
 lest they should be placed in an awkward 
 position, they may be at their ease, knowing 
 that she will take the responsibility and not 
 permit them to do anything out-of-the-way. 
 Perhaps they would prefer to go alone, but 
 it is a part of good manners to submit grace- 
 fully to a regulation that is for their own 
 benefit. If they visit a school or college, 
 the girls will of course present the young 
 men whom they know to the chaperon. 
 
 Even although the teacher may be quite 
 a young woman, the office she holds puts 
 her in a position of superiority. A girl 
 who knows the laws of good breeding will 
 be careful to recognize this. She will allow 
 the teacher to precede and treat her always 
 as the head of the party, looking out also 
 for her comfort and convenience. The 
 chaperon should have the best seat, and if 
 there are not enough for all, one of the girls 
 should stand, and not allow the teacher to 
 do so. 
 
 Where an expedition is planned by the 
 161 
 
BOTS, GIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 school authorities, they usually arrange the 
 matter of expenses. If it is desired that the 
 girls shall pay a part of the cost, the 
 principal tells them so, or charges it on 
 the term-bill. If the pupils get up the ex- 
 cursion themselves, however, they should of 
 course defray all the expenses of the chap- 
 eron, as well as their own. The best way 
 would be to hand her the money before 
 starting, and ask her to pay carfare for all, 
 and anything else that might be necessary. 
 To allow her to spend her own money for 
 an expedition arranged for their benefit, 
 would be thoughtless and ill-bred. 
 
 We must be careful not to demand so 
 much personal service from the servants at 
 school as we would from those in our own 
 homes. Evidently it would be impossible 
 for them to do their own work, and wait 
 upon a great number of young girls in ad- 
 dition. The latter must learn to wait upon 
 themselves and to help each other. Thus 
 they must expect, at the majority of schools, 
 to brush and repair their own clothes. At 
 some estabUshments the pupils take care of 
 162 
 
MANNERS AT BOARDING-SCHOOL 
 
 their own rooms. The rule of never send- 
 ing a servant on any errand outside the 
 house, without first asking leave of its head, 
 who is usually the principal, is as impera- 
 tive in a boarding-school as in a private 
 dwelling. 
 
 The service of the table diif ers at differ- 
 ent schools. Sometimes everything is 
 handed by waitresses. Usually, however, a 
 certain amount of passing is done by those 
 who are sitting at the table. According to 
 the Mount Holyoke Plan, the students act 
 as waitresses. 
 
 The order of entering the dining-room 
 varies also. At small schools, the pupils 
 may gather in the hall and wait for the prin- 
 cipal, who goes in first. The girls follow, 
 each taking her place behind her chair. The 
 touching of a bell gives the signal for them 
 to sit down. At large schools, the students 
 usually go into the dining-room first, but do 
 not take their seats until the principal gives 
 the signal. Grace is said or sung while all 
 stand, or after they have taken their places, 
 as may be preferred. 
 
 163 
 
CHAPTER XVI 
 
 MANNERS AT COLLEGE 
 
 IF it is important for boys and girls to 
 learn self-control when they go to 
 school, it is absolutely necessary for 
 them to do so when they enter college. 
 
 Every human being must be under the 
 control of some one, of himself or of an- 
 other person. If he is not, he becomes a 
 nuisance to everybody. He is like a run- 
 away horse who must be caught and bridled, 
 lest he do serious damage. 
 
 We do not expect that children will direct 
 all their own actions, because they have not 
 yet reached the age of discretion. Until they 
 do, they are under the guidance of parents 
 and teachers. Gradually they are given 
 more and more the responsibility for their 
 own conduct. When they enter college, 
 they are supposed to be old enough to regu- 
 late their own behavior, to a great extent. 
 164 
 
MANNEBS AT COLLEGE 
 
 The authorities lend a helping hand and 
 give advice and admonition when necessary. 
 But as the student grows older he learns 
 mofe and more to stand upon his own feet. 
 
 The collegian is usually fully alive to the 
 dignity of his position. He does not need 
 to be told that he is master of his own con- 
 duct. He does need to be reminded, how- 
 ever, that the right to control his own ac- 
 tions is granted him, on the theory that he 
 will behave like a man and not like an over- 
 grown and extremely noisy school-boy. 
 Privileges always entail responsibilities. 
 To expect to have all the privileges of an 
 adult, and yet to feel under no obligation 
 to act like one, is certainly unreasonable. 
 
 Of course older people are very willing 
 to make allowance for the high spirits of 
 youth, which sometimes run away with them. 
 The former realize also that collegians must 
 be allowed a little time in which to become 
 accustomed to their newly-acquired inde- 
 pendence. We only ask that they shall 
 make ordlerly rather than disorderly con- 
 duct their ideal of behavior. The theory 
 165 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND lEANNEES 
 
 that collegians are a class apart and there- 
 fore superior to the usual obligations of life, 
 is a very old one. 
 
 It has doubtless come down to us from 
 the ancient days when education was pos- 
 sessed by only a few persons. When the 
 great body of the people were innocent of 
 all book learning and even kings did not 
 know how to sign their names, students 
 might well have been considered as a class 
 apart. As we know, special privileges were 
 accorded those who could read and write. 
 
 In our day and country, when a common 
 school education is almost universal, the 
 claim of students that they should form a 
 class outside the law, a sort of aristocracy 
 of learning, is not regarded with favor by 
 the communities in which they live. The 
 young people themselves naturally cling to 
 it, because no one Ukes to give up privileges 
 once acquired. 
 
 Great progress has been made toward the 
 
 adoption of a higher standard of conduct, 
 
 however, in the last thirty or forty years. 
 
 Hazing, which was once almost universal, is 
 
 166 
 
MANNERS AT COLLEGE 
 
 now practically abolished at the larger and 
 more important colleges. It is considered 
 ungentlemanly and childish. The growth 
 of the athletic spirit has, in our opinion, 
 tended to diminish hazing. The students 
 realize that it is against the rules of sport 
 and of fair play for a dozen men to descend 
 upon one. When we remember that the un- 
 fortunate Freshman is entirely without ex- 
 perience of the college and therefore com- 
 pletely at the mercy of his tormentors, the 
 unfairness of attacking him seems indeed 
 so great as to be indefensible. 
 
 Practical jokes still continue, but they are 
 not often, let us hope, of a cruel nature. 
 To allow the initiation ceremonies of a se- 
 cret society to resemble the barbarous prac- 
 tices of savages, is unworthy the civilization 
 of the twentieth century. Modern science 
 has revolutionized the old theories about 
 physical pain. Our ancestors considered it 
 as a beneficial educational agent, but flog- 
 ging has long been abandoned as brutalizing 
 to all concerned. Doctors now use every 
 means in their power to diminish suffering. 
 167 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 We hear complaints made of a tendency to 
 excessive exclusiveness, to divide up into 
 cliques, in some of our universities. It is 
 certainly a mistake to do this to such an ex- 
 tent as to destroy or injure the college spirit. 
 Affection for their Alma Mater and interest 
 in their common pursuits — in their studies, 
 amusements and athletic exercises — should 
 constitute a strong bond between the stu- 
 dents and should create a pleasant feeling 
 of comradeship. Loyalty to a special club, 
 society or set of men, should never take the 
 place of loyalty to the college. That would 
 be like exalting aiFection for one's State 
 above love for the whole country. In the 
 twentieth century, the doctrine of States' 
 Rights is fast becoming archaic. 
 
 In a great university like Harvard, it is 
 impossible for all the five thousand students 
 to know each other. But if circumstances 
 throw them together, they should not hesi- 
 tate to make one another's acquaintance. 
 Some young men who are afflicted with the 
 exclusive spirit, are afraid to do so. They 
 fear that an intimacy which they do not de- 
 168 
 
MANNERS AT COLLEGE 
 
 sire will be forced upon them. Hence they 
 ward off all approaches with a formality 
 that is decidedly chilling. 
 
 They fail to realize that the pushing and 
 intrusive people are comparatively few in 
 number. In nine cases out of ten, the 
 young man on whom they bestow a refrig- 
 erator bow, is not particularly anxious to 
 make their acquaintance. Indeed he prob- 
 ably says to himself: 
 
 "I wonder why you think it necessary 
 to make yourself si) disagreeable. If 
 all the young men of your set are like 
 you, your club must be a very unpleasant 
 place." 
 
 There are many young men who are fa- 
 vorites in college and who are too wise to 
 behave in this way. They know a great vari- 
 ety of fellows and greet them all cordially. 
 At the same time they are not intimate with 
 everybody, but have their own special 
 friends. They exercise the kind of ex- 
 clusiveness which is a perquisite of individ- 
 ual liberty. We all have a right to choose 
 our own companions, our own society, to se- 
 169 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 lect for our friends those who are congenial 
 to us. 
 
 A sensible fellow will use his own judg- 
 ment in making this selection, and will not 
 confine himself to his own particular clique. 
 If he does, he may lose golden opportuni- 
 ties of seeing interesting men and of broad- 
 ening his own mental and social horizon. 
 
 A young friend of mine who was sailing 
 for Europe was congratulated because so 
 many pleasant people from her native city 
 were to visit the same spots. "But I can see 
 plenty of Bostonians when I am at home. 
 This year I hope to make the acquaintance 
 of foreigners," she replied. 
 
 One of the great pleasures of travelling 
 is to meet all sorts and conditions of men 
 and women. One of the great benefits of 
 college life comes from the mingling with 
 people who are different from those with 
 whom we have been thrown previously. 
 They can all teach us something, if we will 
 but learn. 
 
 Therefore instead of being alarmed be- 
 cause a man burrs his "r's" or flats his "a's," 
 170 
 
MANNERS AT COLLEGE 
 
 because he wears a kind of neck-tie that we 
 cannot abide, because he is deficient in 
 grandparents, or is working his own way 
 through college, our wise student will try to 
 find out whether there is good stuif in his 
 college mate. 
 
 "The rank is but the guinea's stamp. 
 A man's a man, for a' that." 
 
 The great drawback to exclusiyeness of 
 all kinds is that in shutting other people out, 
 we shut ourselves in. All walls and boun- 
 daries do this — ^they include as well as ex- 
 clude. If some despot should say to us, 
 "Out of the two billion inhabitants of the 
 Earth, you shall know only those who be- 
 long to a particular set or clique, and be- 
 yond the limits of this little circle you shall 
 never go, though you live to be as old as 
 Methusaleh," we should all of us cry out 
 against such an act of tyranny. But if we 
 build the Chinese wall ourselves, we try to 
 think we are not really shut in, or persuade 
 ourselves it is a great deal pleasanter in our 
 171 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 little sheltered garden than in the great 
 world beyond! 
 
 With the modern elective system, the 
 class spirit has been diminished and this has 
 tended to promote the separation of the stu- 
 dent body into cliques. Inter-class games 
 and exercises are found to be a good anti- 
 dote and to revive the spirit of democracy. 
 Matters should be so arranged that all can 
 contribute toward the expenses of any class 
 enterprise, if they wish to do so, and that 
 none may feel burdened. Special badges 
 and uniforms, such as the seniors' caps and 
 gowns, class-day dresses and pins, should be 
 simple and inexpensive both as a matter of 
 good taste and in order that they may be 
 within the means of all. For the same rea- 
 sons, class-day and commencement exercises 
 and entertainments should be on a moderate 
 scale of expense in order that all may be 
 able to join in them. This is especially de- 
 sirable where the entire graduating class 
 unite in giving a spread. 
 
 At almost all colleges there are some stu- 
 dents who are working their own way 
 172 
 
MANNEBS AT COLLEGE 
 
 through, or who are living upon a very 
 small, perhaps an insufficient allowance. 
 
 They are often young men and women of 
 great personal independence, who will sub- 
 mit to much privation and suffering, rather 
 than ask help of their fellows. Later in 
 life, they sometimes find that their health 
 has been seriously affected by the lack of 
 a proper and nutritious diet. 
 
 This state of things is a serious reproach 
 to their class-mates, as weU as to the college 
 authorities. What is everybody's business 
 is nobody's business, and the young men or 
 women who have no such financial anxieties, 
 with the thoughtlessness of youth, do not 
 stop to consider that their fellow-students 
 may be less fortunate than they. 
 
 We would suggest that in every class 
 there should be a committee whose business 
 it should be to look up all such cases. The 
 investigation would have to be made with 
 the greatest delicacy, in order not to wound 
 the feelings of the students concerned. 
 One of the most important duties of the 
 committee would be to devise methods 
 173 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 by which their poorer class-mates could 
 help themselves. At colleges where this 
 work is already systematized, it might only 
 be necessary for a member of the committee 
 to call the attention of their needy fellow- 
 student to the opportunities for self-help 
 provided by the authorities. This should be 
 done with great tact. 
 
 Any air of patronage or condescension 
 might be promptly resented. The sugges- 
 tion should be made as to a comrade in a 
 temporary pinch of circumstances to which 
 collegians in general are subject. All stu- 
 dents are apt to spend money carelessly and 
 to be short of cash toward the end of a 
 term, or after a defeat of their home team 
 or crew. In talking to the student of small 
 means, the member of the committee could 
 easily dwell on this aspect of the case. He 
 would speak to him as to one caught in the 
 clutch of temporary difficulties to which 
 undergraduates in general were subject, 
 rather than to a person belonging to a class 
 apart. 
 
 He could suggest that some fellows he 
 174 
 
MANNEBS AT COIIEOE 
 
 knew helped themselves along in a time of 
 shortage by doing type-writing tutoring 
 or whatever employment he had in view. 
 
 If it seemed necessary to oif er the young 
 man financial assistance, it should always be 
 arranged as a loan, to be returned at his 
 convenience, rather than as a gift. 
 
 A good-natured spirit of freemasonry 
 leads collegians to borrow one another's pos- 
 sessions very frequently. There would be 
 no objection to this if they always remem- 
 bered to return the borrowed articles, but 
 unfortunately they do not. It is important 
 to form early in life the habit of being exact 
 in these matters, and especially in the re- 
 payment of any and all sums of money, 
 whether large or small. I am sorry to say 
 that rich people are sometimes the worst 
 offenders in this respect. They neglect to 
 pay their promised subscriptions or to re- 
 turn small sums lent them by people who 
 cannot well afford to lose these. This is 
 the result not only of carelessness, but of a 
 miserly tendency inherited from some close- 
 fisted ancestor. The rich young man does 
 17« 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND lEANNERS 
 
 not actually intend to cheat other people, 
 but his instinctive anxiety to protect his own 
 pocketbook causes others to lose what right- 
 fully belongs to them, by whatever name we 
 may call this unfortunate result. His as- 
 sociates, who soon come to recognize his 
 weakness, should help him to overcome it. 
 Probably they dislike to dun him for the re- 
 turn of a small loan, but they should remem- 
 ber it is for the good of his soul. He should 
 not be allowed to persist in conduct at once 
 so mean and so ungentlemanly. 
 
 His college mates should at least try to 
 make him pay a debt or fulfil an obligation. 
 Of course if he continues to put them 
 off, they may feel it beneath their dignity 
 to remind him more than once or twice 
 of a small personal debt. Where the inter- 
 est of other people is at stake, however, as 
 in the case of a promised subscription, 
 he should not be let off so easily. It is easier 
 to ask for others than for ourselves. 
 
 There are young men mean enough to em- 
 ploy a fellow-student who is working his 
 way through college to tutor them, and then 
 176 
 
MANNERS AT COLLEGE 
 
 dodge payment deliberately. While such 
 base conduct is rare, so many fellows are 
 careless about money matters that a man 
 who is earning his own living should arrange 
 for frequent payments, and should not allow 
 his pupils to run up large bills, unless he is 
 sure of their intention as well as their ability 
 to meet their obligations. 
 
 Undergraduates are sometimes dilatory 
 about paying the bills of their tradesmen and 
 the latter, hoping to make a good profit in 
 the end, are often obliging and willing to 
 wait. Every student should feel in honor 
 bound to pay all his or her debts on leaving 
 college. It is better of course not to allow 
 them to accumulate for so long a time, but 
 to pay all bills that may be outstanding, at 
 the end of each college year, or better still, 
 at the close of each term. 
 
 177 
 
CHAPTER XVII 
 
 MANNERS AT WOMEN'S COLLEGES 
 
 WE sometimes hear complaints 
 made of the mamiers of the stu- 
 dents at our women's colleges. 
 It is said that our girls deteriorate in this 
 respect, while our boys improve during their 
 university career. Evidently it is not col- 
 lege life in itself which has in one case a 
 favorable and in the other an unfavorable 
 effect. The trouble lies in a difference in 
 ideals. 
 
 For centuries it was held, both in England 
 and in this country, that a classical educa- 
 tion was an important part of the training 
 of a gentleman. We have now modified 
 this ideal to some extent, and scientific or 
 technical instruction often replaces the 
 classics. But we still hold to the theory 
 that a higher education of some sort should 
 wherever possible form part of the equip- 
 ment of a gentleman. Many young men 
 178 
 
MANNERS AT WOMEN'S COLLEGES 
 
 are sent to college for this reason. They 
 and their parents hope that they will there 
 acquire social culture and polish. 
 
 The establishment of colleges for women 
 is of comparatively recent date. During 
 the last half century there has arisen among 
 women all over the globe, and especially in 
 our own country, a thirst for knowledge 
 which has few parallels in history. The 
 mothers have sought to satisfy this in their 
 clubs, the daughters at college. Hence the 
 latter enter the university primarily for 
 the purpose of securing a higher education. 
 Since the profession of teaching is now 
 monopolized to a great extent by women, 
 many of them go to college in order to pre- 
 pare themselves to earn their own living. 
 We may say that they have been so hungry 
 for intellectual culture and so anxious for 
 financial independence, that they have hardly 
 had time to consider the social graces. If the 
 manners of the students in the early days 
 of women's colleges were somewhat crude, 
 it was the natural result of circumstances 
 and should not cause surprise. 
 179 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 All this is becoming softened and im- 
 proved by time. Doubtless there were al- 
 ways examples of a gracious type of woman- 
 hood at our higher institutions of learning. 
 But these have increased in number we must 
 think. Our girls have now before them in- 
 structors and leaders who may well call 
 forth their affection and admiration, women 
 in whom the Eternal Feminine shines out 
 anew, glorified with the light of modem 
 culture and achievement. 
 
 Since we imitate what we admire, the in- 
 fluence of these teachers and professors over 
 the students is very important. Instead of 
 thinking it smart to be mannish and loud 
 in manner, the girls see that it is possible 
 to be self-dependent, yet entirely womanly. 
 As women are by nature more refined than 
 men, it is their special duty to preserve the 
 graces and courtesies of life. If they do 
 not, we may all relapse into barbarism. 
 
 However merry and full of fun our girl 
 students may be within the college grounds, 
 they should remember to be quiet when out- 
 side these. It is neither ladylike nor wom- 
 180 
 
MANNERS AT WOMEN'S COLLEGES 
 
 anly to be noisy in the street, or in a pub- 
 lic conveyance. Even if the car contains 
 no one but college girls, they should not for- 
 get that they will be seen and heard by pas- 
 sengers in the other cars and by the officials 
 of the train. Since any college is likely to 
 be judged by its representatives, the under- 
 graduates should be careful to do nothing 
 to injure the good name of their Alma 
 Mater. If a girl is going to a football 
 game or other athletic meeting of men, she 
 may very properly show her sympathies by 
 a badge or a flag. But to wear an entire 
 costume of a startling color and so make 
 herself conspicuous, is in bad taste. 
 
 The college girl enjoys independence in 
 many ways, but where social matters are 
 concerned, she is subject to the same rules 
 as other young women of her own age. 
 She has more freedom, it need hardly be 
 said, than a school-girl, because she is older 
 and has had more experience. Thus she 
 and one of her class-mates can with pro- 
 priety go to a matinee at the theatre. 
 In the evening, it is desirable to have an 
 181 
 
BOYS, GIRLS ANB MANNERS 
 
 older woman accompany the party. If our 
 student attends any festivities given by men, 
 as at a college or on board ship, a chaperon 
 must go with her, as in the case of the school- 
 girl. When she and her college-mates in- 
 vite men to an entertainment at their Alma 
 Mater, one of the instructors or officers 
 should always matronize the occasion. An 
 undergraduate must not go to the theatre 
 nor to a restaurant at any time of day, with 
 a gentleman alone, unless he is an elderly 
 relation or old family friend. Here again 
 a chaperon is needed. The house mothers 
 and instructors act in this capacity, their of- 
 ficial position giving them the needed dig- 
 nity, even though they may be compara- 
 tively young women and still unmarried. 
 
 According to the old rule, it was not 
 permissible for a young woman to go out 
 to drive with a young man, alone. The 
 use of the automobile has tended to relax 
 this rule somewhat, especially as the chauf- 
 feur usually makes a third person. It is 
 still considered objectionable, however, for 
 a girl to drive alone with a gentleman on 
 182 
 
MA17NERS AT WOSEEK'S COLLEGES 
 
 unfrequented roads even in the day time. 
 If she did so often, it would cause unfavor- 
 able comment. She certainly should not 
 make such an expedition in the evening. 
 
 While she may receive .presents of flow- 
 ers, candy or fruit from an admirer, she 
 must not allow him to give her anything 
 else, unless it is some inexpensive trifle. 
 Above all, she must not accept any article 
 of clothing or jewelry. This is one of Mrs. 
 Grundy's rules which does not change, be- 
 cause it is founded on common sense. A 
 young woman should not place herself un- 
 der such an obligation to a man, tmless they 
 are engaged to be married. 
 
 183 
 
CHAPTER XVIII 
 
 COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 A LADY should always avoid mak- 
 ing herself conspicuous on the 
 street or in public places, either 
 by her dress or by her manners. One of 
 the delights of childhood is that we can 
 make a good deal of noise, and one of the 
 hardships of growing up is that we must 
 learn to be quiet, on many occasions when 
 we feel like being very merry and just a 
 little noisy. In the privacy of one's own 
 house, one may certainly enjoy some free- 
 dom in this respect; but if a young girl 
 talks or laughs loud in the street or in a 
 public conveyance, people will stare at her, 
 or some rude person may speak to her. 
 She certainly does not wish to incur this dan- 
 ger, nor to have others say to themselves, 
 "What a pity such a nice-looking girl should 
 be so much of a hoyden!" 
 184 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 It need hardly be said that a boy is 
 not expected to be so quiet in the streets 
 as a girl. But though he may like to 
 be noisy as a little fellow, when he 
 begins to grow up he will want to be- 
 have like a gentleman. To talk and 
 laugh loud, to lounge at the street corners, 
 to stare at the passers-by or to turn around 
 and look after them is very ill-bred. It is 
 also very careless for young men to stand 
 together in groups and block the sidewalk. 
 No boy who has been well brought up 
 will want to indulge in such cheap row- 
 dyism. If he does so, it will be because he 
 yields weakly to the example of young men 
 who have not had his early advantages. 
 
 When passing through a crowded thor- 
 oughfare, it is well to walk at about the 
 same pace as other people. This is not al- 
 ways possible. One may be in great haste 
 or one may not be able to go so fast as they 
 do. Elderly persons and invalids are often 
 obliged to move slowly. We must of 
 course carefully avoid bumping against 
 other people, and collisions are likely to oc- 
 185 
 
B07S, GIBIS AND MANNEES 
 
 cur when we walk very rapidly. It is im- 
 portant also to keep a straight path. If 
 we meander about, attracted by the various 
 shop windows and passing vehicles, other 
 pedestrians coming behind us will find it 
 very difficult to keep out of our way. In 
 this country, the rule is to keep to the right. 
 When passing another person walking in the 
 same direction, we turn to the left. It is 
 one of the laws of etiquette that we shall 
 not walk three abreast in the street, unless 
 the sidewalk is a very wide one. The 
 only drawback to the pleasure of meeting a 
 rosy faced troupe of young girls wending 
 their way to school, is that they sometimes 
 forget this law, and the unlucky pedestrian 
 who encounters their merry phalanx is per- 
 haps forced into the gutter until the whole 
 procession has passed by. This question 
 of turning out is one which I wish to im- 
 press strongly upon the minds of my young 
 readers, because we find so much lack of 
 courtesy proceeding largely let us hope 
 from want of thought about this matter- 
 In some small towns the sidewalks are 
 186 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 paved with large flagstones, wide enough to 
 accommodate three persons in some streets, 
 in others, only two. Of course every one 
 prefers to walk on these stones rather than 
 on the damp and often muddy earth on 
 either side, and it is therefore the part of 
 politeness for a group of two or three per- 
 sons to separate and walk one behind an- 
 other when they meet another pedestrian. 
 Young girls should always make way for 
 older ladies and men should invariably do 
 so for women, although for an old gentle- 
 man young people very properly give 
 place. I met not long ago, when walking 
 with my son, a lady and a gentleman. 
 There was only room for two persons on the 
 flagging and my son fell behind, in order 
 not to crowd the lady off the path. But 
 the other gentleman, we will hope from ab- 
 sence of mind, walked cahnly on. I stood 
 still and waited until he saw that he was 
 expected to turn out. As he was on the 
 side nearest me, and could therefore do so 
 without in the least incommoding his com- 
 panion, his conduct was very uncivil. If I 
 187 
 
BOYS, GIEIS AND MANNERS 
 
 had not given him this gentle hint, he would 
 have crowded me off the walk, while he re- 
 mained on it. Had he still refused to turn 
 out, I should of course have yielded the 
 path. It is much better to do so than to be 
 uncivil. A lady wiU never jostle against 
 another person. I am sorry to say that 
 some young men who ought to know better, 
 are too tenacious of their own way when they 
 meet other youths. They refuse to give up 
 an inch of the sidewalk and the other man 
 wiU not yield. The consequence is they 
 bump into each other. Sometimes they 
 pass on, after exchanging scowling looks; 
 sometimes one or both make depreciatory 
 remarks and occasionally the affair ends in 
 a bout of fisticuffs. AU of which very un- 
 gentlemanly proceedings might easily have 
 been avoided by turning out a little in the 
 beginning. 
 
 Occasionally when the snow or mud is 
 deep, the path is only wide enough for one 
 person. In this case, a well-bred man or 
 boy would unhesitatingly surrender it to a 
 woman and a young girl would do the 
 188 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 same for an older lady. Or if they met in 
 the middle of a muddy crossing, the former 
 could retrace her steps to the sidewalk. 
 
 When Tom begins to grow up, he will 
 discard as childish the practice of walking 
 with his hands in his pockets. 
 
 It is to be hoped he will not acquire the 
 habit of using tobacco until he has fully 
 grown up. Tom wishes, like all manly 
 young fellows, to be tall and strong, and 
 smoking is thought to stunt and dwarf the 
 body. Whatever his views on this subject, 
 he will remember that it is not permissible to 
 smoke when walking or driving with a lady 
 or when passing along a thoroughfare 
 where he is likely to meet many women. 
 
 Should Tom happen to encounter when 
 he is smoking, a lady of his acquaintance, 
 he would take the cigar or cigarette out of 
 his mouth before returning her bow, and 
 would not resume it until he had passed 
 completely by. A pimctilious man would 
 throw it away under such circumstances. 
 Tom would certainly do so were he about 
 to speak to a girl whom be knew. To stand 
 189 
 
B076, OIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 talking to a lady in the street, with a burn- 
 ing cigar in the hand, does not look well. 
 
 Where the waiting-room of a railway sta- 
 tion is used by both men and women, a gen- 
 tleman does not smoke. The same rule ap- 
 plies to ferry-houses and elevators, as also 
 to the lobbies and corridors of theatres and 
 hotels. A gentleman should never smoke 
 in the presence of ladies, unless he has ob- 
 tained their permission. He cannot ask 
 this of strangers, therefore he goes without 
 his cigar in public places, or he repairs to 
 the smoking room. 
 
 The French King, Louis XIV, is said to 
 have been the smallest man on whom the 
 title of "Great" was ever bestowed. We 
 may learn from him, however, that a bow 
 is a matter of some importance. Although 
 as an absolute ruler he could do just as he 
 pleased, he took care to show the proper 
 amount of respect to each person whom he 
 saluted. It is said that he had fourteen dif- 
 ferent grades of bow. We do not need so 
 many in Republican America, where our 
 manners are simpler and where we have no 
 190 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 fixed rank. It is evident, however, that 
 there must he a difference in our saluta- 
 tions. These will be more formal when we 
 meet persons whom we know only slightly, 
 and more familiar when we pass our 
 friends. We desire to show respect to all 
 our fellow-citizens and expect to receive this 
 from them. To our elders and to those in 
 positions of authority, a greater amount of 
 respect is due than to our juniors. In bow- 
 ing to the President of the United States, 
 we should express a certain deference, be- 
 cause he occupies the highest office in the 
 gift of the American people. In honoring 
 him, we are honoring ourselves. It is per- 
 fectly possible to do this without displaying 
 any servility. A quiet and dignified man- 
 ner shows respect for others and for one's 
 self at the same time. 
 
 Tom of course is very anxious, boy-like, 
 to avoid all affectation. Yet we feel sure 
 that he wishes also to avoid awkwardness. 
 If he goes to dancing-school or takes les- 
 sons in gymnastics, it is to be hoped he will 
 learn to bow with some degree of grace. It 
 191 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 may be said as a rule that the lower and 
 slower the inclination is made, the greater 
 wiU be the amount of respect shown. The 
 quick nod displays httle or none and should 
 be reserved for intimates. For a cere- 
 monious bow, the upper part of the body 
 is bent slightly, as well as the head. The 
 chin should not be poked forward. Some 
 men have a fashion of squaring the shoul- 
 ders and bowing shortly and sharply from 
 the waist. This is the reverse of graceful. 
 Others have a way of lunging sidewise 
 which is worse. Tom will need some prac- 
 tice also to learn to take off his hat or cap 
 and to replace it without awkwardness. If 
 by some misfortune his hands should hap- 
 pen to be in his pockets, he will withdraw 
 them before bowing. He wiU raise his hat 
 with the hand farthest from the lady, un- 
 less he thinks she will shake hands with him. 
 In this case he will do so with his left hand, 
 in order to leave the right free. In this 
 coimtry it is the lady's privilege to bow 
 first. Where people know each other well, 
 however, the recognition is practically simul- 
 192 
 
COURTESY m THE STREET 
 
 taneous. If Tom is doubtful whether a 
 young girl of his acquaintance wiU recog- 
 nize him, he waits until she does so. Tom 
 will be careful to bow courteously and raise 
 his hat when he meets young girls, ladies, 
 clergymen and older men of his acquaint- 
 ance. The expression "to tip the hat" is 
 decidedly "bad form." One should speak of 
 lifting, raising or taking it off. 
 
 If Tom is walking with a lady who bows 
 to another person whom he does not know, 
 he will lift his hat but will not look at the 
 individual. He will do the same thing 
 when he is with another young man who 
 meets ladies of his acquaintance. Ordi- 
 narily, when he encounters a lad of his own 
 age, he gives him only a friendly nod. But 
 if either Tom or the other boy has a lady 
 with him, they will both raise their hats, out 
 of courtesy to her. 
 
 A gentleman is also careful to do this 
 when he leaves a lady with whom he has 
 been talking. When Mother or Susan 
 stands at the front door to bid Tom good- 
 bye as he starts for school, it is to be hoped 
 193 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 he will remember this little point of good- 
 breeding. 
 
 If he is introduced to a girl he will lift 
 his hat. Indeed, some very polite men hold 
 this in the hand when talking to a lady in 
 the street. She should of course ask such a 
 man to put it on again. If he picks up a 
 parcel, or does some little service for a 
 stranger, he will raise his hat, saying, in a 
 respectful tone, "Madam! I think you 
 dropped this." Even though he may feel 
 quite sure the girl is not married he should 
 still use this form, since it is the conven- 
 tional way of addressing a stranger. To 
 call her "Miss" would not be "good form." 
 
 Young people are often bashful about 
 bowing to those whom they do not know 
 well. They thus seem rude when they do 
 not intend to be so. It is well to have a 
 little charity for persons who fail to recog- 
 nize us once or twice. We do not, of 
 course, wish to force our acquaintance on 
 those who do not desire it. But according 
 to the experience of the writer, bashfulness, 
 nearness of sight or absence of mind is 
 194> 
 
COTTRTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 often responsible for these failures. It is 
 therefore well to bow decidedly, in order 
 that there may be no mistake about the in- 
 tention to do so. 
 
 We should always return the salutations 
 of those who bow to us. The familiar 
 story of Washington and the negro re- 
 minds us that if we do not, we show our- 
 selves inferior in politeness to the person 
 who greets us. To "cut" any one, that is 
 to say, to look deliberately at an acquaint- 
 ance and pass him by without bowing, is 
 extremely rude. If Ned has done some- 
 thing so hateful and contemptible that Tom 
 does not wish to speak to him, the latter 
 should look in another direction. When 
 walking with a lady, a man or boy usually 
 takes the place next to the curbstone. 
 Should they be passing through a crowded 
 thoroughfare he might take the inside, to 
 prevent her being jostled by the elbows of 
 passing pedestrians. If Mother, Susan or 
 Father have any packages, Tom will carry 
 them. Should these be more than he could 
 manage, he would in any case take charge 
 195 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNESS 
 
 of a generous share of them. Very possi- 
 bly he may dislike to be seen with a band- 
 box in his hand. But although some 
 thoughtless young friend might smile to see 
 him so encumbered, every well-bred person 
 would condemn him should he allow one of 
 his parents or his sister to be burdened, while 
 he walked along with his hands free. 
 
 Susan should in the same way help her 
 mother or any other older lady with her 
 bundles. While it is not contrary to the 
 laws of etiquette to carry a reasonable num- 
 ber of these, we should not encumber our- 
 selves with packages so bulky as to incon- 
 venience ourselves and other people. We 
 must be careful to hold them in such a way 
 that they wiU not press against our neigh- 
 bors in a crowd. Some persons walk along 
 with a suit-case making it into a species of 
 battering-ram. Others carry their um- 
 brellas in such a way as to endanger the 
 eyes of those walking up a staircase behind 
 them. 
 
 If Tom is acting as escort to his mother 
 and sister or other ladies in the evening, he 
 196 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 will oif er his arm to the oldest, but never to 
 both. The younger one will take the side 
 farthest from Tom, as it is thought to look 
 very quaint for a man to walk between two 
 ladies. In the day-time it would not be nec- 
 essary for him to offer his arm, unless there 
 was a great deal of ice or unless his com- 
 panions were so old or so infirm as to need 
 his support. He should never take hold of 
 the lady's arm either to guide or to support 
 her. We often see young men do this, but 
 it is not thought to be "good form." 
 
 Susan should be careful to place her 
 hand far enough within the bend of the arm 
 of her escort to allow him to give her some 
 support, should this be necessary, yet she 
 should not thrust it entirely through. 
 Neither should she allow her weight to hang 
 upon it. A healthy young woman should 
 be able to walk without the assistance of 
 any one, unless she encounters some unex- 
 pected obstacle. If she stubs her toe or 
 sUps on a treacherous bit of ice, her com- 
 panion will quickly tighten his arm against 
 her hand, and so help her to regain her bal- 
 197 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 ance. Should Tom meet a young girl 
 whom he knows and wish to speak to her, 
 he wiU ask leave to walk with her in the 
 direction in which she is going. To keep 
 her standing in the street would be de- 
 cidedly impolite. When she reaches her 
 destination, whether it be a shop or a pri- 
 vate house, Tom will bid her good-bye, re- 
 membering to lift his hat again. He will 
 not offer to enter unless at her request. If 
 she is already in the company of a man 
 whom Tom does not know, he will not ask 
 to join her. He would hesitate to do so, 
 even if he were acquainted with her escort, 
 unless he had something very important to 
 say. Tom will not want to intrude himself 
 as a third party, where he is not wanted. 
 
 Placards in the cars and cans for refuse 
 at the street corners, remind us that clean- 
 liness in public places is now demanded by 
 the law of the land. We have already 
 spoken of the diseases which result from 
 dirt and disorder. The epidemics of the 
 plague and yellow fever which were once 
 thought to be "visitations of Divine Provi- 
 198 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 dence" are now known to arise from a lack 
 of cleanliness. In all large cities we see 
 the "White Wings" constantly at work, 
 clearing up refuse. These men are often 
 foreigners. Probably many of them do not 
 know how to read or write. Yet their edu- 
 cation is superior, it would seem, to that of 
 certain boys and girls who go to good 
 schools. For they understand that the 
 streets must be kept clean, while many of 
 the passers-by seem to be profoundly ig- 
 norant of this fact. A bright young fel- 
 low, who can pass a hard examination in 
 geometry, will walk along the street throw- 
 ing burnt matches, cigar stumps or orange 
 peel about with a liberal hand. We should 
 advise him to take a lesson from the humble 
 Italian street-sweeper, rather than to imi- 
 tate the conduct of primitive man, 
 
 Half the trouble would be obviated if our 
 boys and girls would refrain from eating in 
 the street. It is not well-bred to do so, 
 nor to take our food in public conveyances 
 where this can be avoided. On a long jour- 
 ney, it may of course be necessary. If 
 199 
 
BOYS, 6IBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Susan takes her lunch with her, she should 
 be careful to gather together all the scraps 
 that are left, and do them up neatly in a 
 pasteboard box or paper bag. It is most 
 unpleasant to see a car littered up with pea- 
 nut shells and paper wrappers, flung about 
 on the floor. One feels as if one were trav- 
 elling with the animals of Barnum's circus, 
 instead of with civilized human beings. 
 
 If Tom and Susan go on a picnic, they 
 should carefully follow the same rule. The 
 debris should never be left about, unless 
 they are buried. A farmer who owns a 
 beautiful place on the seashore or in the 
 woods is often quite willing to have others 
 enjoy it, if they do not deface the land- 
 scape with lobster and clam shells and other 
 unsavory objects. He will be obliged to 
 bury these, or they will create a swarm of 
 flies. As we know, there is now universal 
 warfare against these pests. 
 
 This habit of scattering papers and the 
 
 remains of food about, is a disgrace to our 
 
 national manners. The boys and girls who 
 
 are now growing up^^K)ur future citizens — 
 
 200 
 
COURTESY IN THE STREET 
 
 will root out this evil, as we hope and be- 
 lieve. People who own beautiful estates in 
 our country are sometimes obliged to close 
 these to the visiting public, because of this 
 annoyance and of the mutilation of their 
 trees and shrubs. We must learn the les- 
 son that is already familiar in other lands. 
 We must learn to walk through and admire 
 a fine place, without going over the grass, 
 or breaking off twigs or flowers. 
 
 201 
 
CHAPTER XIX 
 
 THE COURTESY OF TRATEL 
 
 WHEN we travel, we should al- 
 ways take two companions with 
 us, the Golden Rule and Pres- 
 ence of Mind. A great deal of the dis- 
 courtesy that we see comes from the theory 
 that it is smart to get ahead of other peo- 
 ple, no matter in what way. 
 
 If we stop to think about it, we shall see 
 that it is not really smart, but only selfish 
 and rather stupid. The laws of courtesy 
 are the laws of civilization. They have 
 been slowly and painfully evolved by man- 
 kind, through long centuries. In old times, 
 the law of the strongest prevailed. A rob- 
 ber baron or the chief of a savage tribe 
 helped himself to what he wanted, and the 
 weaker man could do nothing to prevent it. 
 Every one had to defend himself and his 
 property by force of arms, as well as he 
 202 
 
THE COURTESY OF TRAVEL 
 
 could. There were endless wars, constant 
 destruction, confusion and anarchy. In 
 feudal times, a few nobles and chiefs lived in 
 a sort of savage abundance, yet even they 
 were obliged to dwell inside the walls of 
 gloomy old castles and to be constantly on 
 their guard. The mass of the people were 
 wretchedly poor and uncomfortable. 
 
 The rule of the strongest was found to 
 be insupportable. Mankind has gradually 
 evolved in its place the rules of order and 
 fair play. Our modern civilization is 
 founded on the idea that all will obey the 
 laws of the land, and that each person shall 
 have his proper share, that each shall take 
 his turn at the right time. Thus order and 
 justice for all are ensured. Now the man 
 who takes up more than his rightful share 
 of room and crowds some one else out, the 
 man who shoves in ahead of other people 
 at the ticket office instead of waiting his 
 turn in the line, is behaving like one of those 
 intolerable old robber barons. He is not 
 playing the game fairly. He is really tak- 
 ing advantage of the politeness and good 
 203 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 temper of his fellow travelers in a very 
 shabby way. His behavior is stupid, be- 
 cause it tends to put back the clock of civili- 
 zation. If every one acted in the same way, 
 if all rushed at once to the ticket window in- 
 stead of forming in line, we should have a 
 state of confusion and great delay would 
 result. We should have, for the moment, a 
 return to barbarism. The more intelligent 
 and polite travellers realize this, therefore 
 they keep to the rules. Where one of these 
 robber barons of travel presumes too much 
 on the good nature of other people, he 
 sometimes gets a severe lesson. 
 
 Travelling salesmen were at one time 
 noted for their selfishness on railway trains, 
 but many of them have learned that polite- 
 ness is a necessary part of their stock in 
 trade. We all like to occupy the whole seat 
 in a railway train, where there is room 
 enough to permit us to do so. But we must 
 always remember that each person is en- 
 titled to one place only. No matter how 
 many bundles and packages we may have, 
 we have no possible right to occupy a seat 
 204 
 
THE COURTESY OF TRAVEL 
 
 with these and oblige another person to 
 stand. Tom and Susan may be sitting with 
 a seat turned over, thus making for them- 
 selves a nice little private box with plenty 
 of room, at the beginning of their journey. 
 As soon as the train begins to fill up, they 
 should restore the second seat to its usual 
 position. If either of them is sitting alone 
 with his bundles and packages spread out 
 beside him, he should remove these if many 
 people enter the train. 
 
 Rules for the use of overhead racks dif- 
 fer on the various railways. Some compa- 
 nies will not allow dress-suit cases or other 
 heavy articles to be placed on these, 
 lest they should fall down on the passen- 
 gers beneath. On other railroads it is 
 permissible to stow hand baggage in the 
 racks. 
 
 It is usually best to sit next the window 
 when alone. A person sitting on the outside 
 may be thought to wish to monopolize the 
 whole seat. Hence he appears selfish and 
 disobliging. In very cold weather, however, 
 a passenger who is afraid of becoming 
 205 
 
BOTS, GISIS AND MANNERS 
 
 chilled may be pardoned if she sits next to 
 the aisle. 
 
 It is always polite to say, "Is this seat en- 
 gaged?" before taking the vacant place next 
 to another passenger in a railway train. 
 The newcomer should carefully avoid sit- 
 ting down on the dress or parcels of the 
 person already in possession. He should 
 also take pains to occupy no more than his 
 fair share of room. In cars where the seats 
 run lengthwise, passengers should move up 
 when others get out and give those who are 
 standing a chance to sit down. 
 
 Presence of mind wiU help us to exercise 
 care in walking down the aisles. Some per- 
 sons pay so little attention to what they are 
 doing, that they brush against all the pas- 
 sengers on their side, as they pass in or out. 
 Others stop to say long and fond farewells 
 to their departing friends, standing in the 
 meantime in the middle of the passageway 
 and completely blocking the path of every 
 one else. One should be careful to close 
 the door when passing in or out of the car, 
 especially in cold weather. This rule does 
 206 
 
THE COXIRTESY OF TRAVEL 
 
 not hold at a station where many people are 
 entering or leaving the train. The brake- 
 man usually fastens the door open at that 
 time, leaving it so until the crowd has 
 passed through. 
 
 If Tom and Susan are travelling to- 
 gether, he will help her in to the car, car- 
 riage or omnibus, allowing her to go first. 
 When leaving it, he will step down before 
 her in order that he may assist her to get 
 out. Should there be room for only one 
 person to sit down, Tom will of course give 
 the seat to his sister. If another man arises 
 and gives Susan his place, she should thank 
 him courteously and audibly. Tom will ac- 
 knowledge the stranger's politeness by rais- 
 ing his hat. He will remain near his sister, 
 but will not take the first seat that becomes 
 vacant ; he should offer this to the man who 
 gave Susan his place. 
 
 In a public conveyance where each per- 
 son has paid for his seat, a man is not obliged 
 to give it up unless he chooses to do so. A 
 lady should never behave as if she expected 
 a man to resign his place. If he arise and 
 207 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNEKS 
 
 offer it to her, she should accept it, un- 
 der ordinary circumstances. Some young 
 women decline, saying, "Thank you, I can 
 stand perfectly well." No doubt they can, 
 but they should remember that for most 
 women it is much harder to stand than for 
 the majority of men. Hence, out of con- 
 sideration for the rest of their own sex, 
 these young women should not discourage 
 this modern manifestation of the old spirit 
 of chivalry. Their refusal also puts the man 
 in a rather awkward position. Having 
 once arisen, he does not like to sit down 
 again, so he stands, perhaps looking and 
 feeling rather sheepish. 
 
 There are some exceptions to this rule. 
 A strong, healthy young girl would not wish 
 to take the place of an elderly man. It is 
 to be hoped that a young and vigorous fel- 
 low like Tom will not keep his seat when 
 women or old men are standing. He will 
 of course offer it to an old or infirm lady or 
 gentleman, or to a woman carrying a baby 
 in her arms. 
 
 We have already said that the elder 
 208 
 
THE COURTESY OF TRAVEL 
 
 takes precedence of the younger and a 
 lady of a man, unless he goes first to as- 
 sist or protect her. There are few excep- 
 tions to the first rule in this country, since 
 we are so fortunate as to have no fixed rank. 
 A person occupying high official position, 
 the Governor of a State, for instance, would 
 precede older people. They would wish 
 him to do so, as the representative of the 
 State. 
 
 In entering a carriage or other vehicle, 
 we follow the usual order of precedence. 
 Young girls make way for older women 
 and young men for older men. A married 
 lady precedes one who is unmarried, unless 
 the latter is so much her senior as to make 
 this seem incongruous. A lady takes prece- 
 dence of a gentleman, although a young girl 
 should always show great consideration for 
 an elderly man. Thus she will offer to re- 
 sign in his favor the rear seat of a carriage, 
 especially if she have reason to suppose that 
 it wiU be disagreeable for him to ride back- 
 wards. As many persons cannot ride in 
 this position Avithout feeling ill, those who 
 209 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 are not likely to feel any discomfort should 
 certainly offer to take the undesirable 
 seats. A young girl would do so, where 
 older ladies were of the party. In an auto- 
 mobile, she would sit in front or in the mid- 
 dle of the car, leaving the right hand place 
 for the driver. A guest who is invited to 
 take a drive, should not enter the car or car- 
 riage before her hostess, unless the latter 
 make a sign for her to do so. The hostess 
 usually offers to resign her customary place 
 in favor of a woman who is of the same age 
 as or older than she. But the guest should 
 not take it for granted that she is to have 
 the best seat. If requested to enter the 
 vehicle first, one may say, "Oh, which side 
 would you like me to sit?" or "Shall I take 
 this place?" 
 
 In leaving a car or carriage, the gentle- 
 man gets out first in order to help the la- 
 dies. Tom will remember to do this in a 
 way to inconvenience them as little as pos- 
 sible, leaving by the door next his seat, even 
 if it is the farthest from the sidewalk. The 
 older ladies would leave the carriage before 
 210 
 
THE COURTESY OF TRAVEL 
 
 the younger, unless the latter were nearer 
 the door. If there were no men in the 
 party, a young girl would assist the older 
 women to get out. 
 
 Dr. Ehot, the President Emeritus of 
 Harvard University, reminds us that a 
 crowd will do many impolite things which a 
 single individual would hesitate to do. I 
 have seen a flock of boys and girls return- 
 ing from school enter a railway car and be- 
 have as if it belonged entirely to them. 
 Fortunately, they only travelled a short dis- 
 tance. When they left, the rest of the pas- 
 sengers breathed a sigh of relief. Now it 
 would have been a pleasant thing to see all 
 these bright-faced young people, if they had 
 been a little less noisy. But the giggling, 
 loud talking, shouting and carrying on were 
 in the worst possible taste in a public con- 
 veyance. 
 
 A few days ago I saw a young man in a 
 railway train sitting with a group of three 
 young women. None of them were noisy, 
 but from time to time he would catch hold 
 of the hand of the girl in front of him, thus 
 211 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AlTD MANNERS 
 
 indulging in one of those passages at arms 
 of which we spoke in the chapter on schools. 
 Presently he reached over and smartly 
 tapped on the shoulder an older woman sit- 
 ting in one of the forward seats. In giv- 
 ing this very free-and-easy greeting, he 
 used his' folded newspaper. The lady 
 turned around, bowed, smiled and appar- 
 ently uttered no rebuke. It would have 
 been awkward to do so, in such a public 
 place. We will hope that the next time she 
 saw her young friend in private, she ex- 
 plained to him how very impolite his con- 
 duct had been. He was a well-dressed fel- 
 low and I do not think he meant to be rude. 
 He was simply ignorant of the laws of 
 good-breeding. 
 
 The gum-chewing habit is a very ugly 
 and unpleasant one. It is a singular sight 
 to behold a number of passengers on a 
 train, all working their jaws as indus- 
 triously as if they were cows chewing the 
 cud. If girls realized how unbecoming this 
 habit is, how it distorts the face, they would 
 give it up, at least in the presence of other 
 people. 
 
 212 
 
CHAPTER XX 
 
 MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 AT THE THEATEE AND THE CONCERT HALL 
 
 IF Tom is going to the theatre with his 
 sisters, he will, as the man of the party, 
 buy the tickets, or if they have been 
 purchased beforehand,, they will be in his 
 charge. He will allow Susan and Jane to 
 go first past the wicket, standing at one side 
 and showing the tickets to the man in charge. 
 He then takes the lead and escorts the girls 
 to their seats, unless an usher does this. In 
 that case, Tom would fall back behind his 
 sisters. They would in any event enter the 
 seats first, their brother taking his place last. 
 Any one who is fond of going to the 
 theatre will try to arrive before the per- 
 formance begins. If he does not, he loses 
 a part of the play and interrupts the view 
 of his neighbors. To be obliged to get up 
 213 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 in order to allow other people to pass in, 
 just as one is comfortably settled in one's 
 place and growing interested in the scene 
 on the stage, is certainly annoying. A well- 
 bred boy or girl will always rise, so that 
 the newcomers may have room to go by, and 
 he will be good-natured about it. If Tom 
 is sitting at the end, he will step into the 
 aisle. The late arrivals should try to crowd 
 those already in the seats as little as possi- 
 ble, and should face toward the stage as 
 they pass in. A pohte person always has a 
 word of apology, when he is obliged to dis- 
 commode others. He will say, "Excuse 
 me" or "I beg pardon." 
 
 At a concert, the modern custom is to 
 make people wait at the rear of the audi- 
 torium until the musical number then in 
 progress is finished. At its close, they are 
 shown to their seats. At some concert 
 halls, late-comers are obliged to wait in the 
 vestibule, the doors being locked. 
 
 If Tom and Susan live in the suburbs, 
 it may be necessary for them to start for 
 their train before the close of the per- 
 214 
 
MANNERS IN PUBIIC PLACES 
 
 formance. Where it seems likely that 
 they win be obliged to go out, it is best to 
 leave their seats before the last act of the 
 play, or the last number on the concert pro- 
 gramme. They can then stand at the back 
 of the hall or theatre, and slip out quietly 
 when the time comes to go. It interferes 
 seriously with everyone's pleasure to have a 
 nimiber of people rise and leave their seats, 
 in the midst of some harrowing scene, or of 
 some happy unfolding of the plot at the 
 close of a play. 
 
 It is better to sit still between the acts, 
 although there are some persons who are 
 very inconsiderate in this respect. They go 
 out at every intermission, even though their 
 seats may be in the middle of a row. 
 
 At the opera, where the pauses between 
 the acts are long, it is quite customary for a 
 large part of the audience to go into the 
 lobbies. Since almost everybody rises, one 
 can slip out without disturbing others. 
 
 At some opera houses there is a large 
 room provided with small tables. Here 
 lemonade and other cooling drinks are served 
 215. 
 
BOYS, OISLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 between the acts. If Tom is escorting his 
 mother and sisters or other ladies at the 
 opera, it will be polite for him to ask them 
 whether they would like any refreshment. 
 If they would, he should endeavor to find 
 a table for them and bring them what they 
 want. Sometimes the crowd is so great 
 that he may not be able to manage this be- 
 fore the warning bell reminds him that it is 
 time for all to return to their seats. They 
 should do so promptly for the reasons al- 
 ready given. 
 
 It is not good form to bring anything to 
 eat into the auditorium itself, as the nick- 
 name of the "Peanut Gallery" for the least 
 desirable part of the theatre, reminds us. 
 Even here, however, one does not see pea- 
 nuts or other articles of food at a theatre of 
 good standing. 
 
 Susan will remember to take off her hat 
 before the curtain rises. At the theatre 
 this custom is now almost universal and at 
 concerts it is quite general. Even at a lec- 
 ture, women who wear large hats are often 
 considerate enough to remove these. If 
 216 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 they do not, the speaker may be completely 
 concealed from the view of the unfortunate 
 people sitting behind them. 
 
 To talk or whisper while the play or the 
 music is going on, is very ill-bred. We 
 must always remember that other people 
 have paid for their seats and we have no 
 right to spoil their pleasure. If we our- 
 selves are not interested we are not obliged 
 to stay. Something that seems to us very 
 dull and tedious may be liked very much 
 by other theatre-goers of a different taste 
 in such matters. 
 
 I had the misfortune one evening of sit- 
 ting directly behind some very thoughtless 
 young people, during the performance of a 
 very thrilling play where Sarah Bernhardt 
 took the principal part. In the last act, a 
 scaffold and block stood on the stage. 
 "Oh, I can't possibly look at that! It is too 
 terrible! I shall hide my eyes and you will 
 have to tell me about it," exclaimed the 
 young woman. 
 
 It did not occur to Her that her neighbors 
 might not find it agreeable to have the play 
 217 
 
BOTS, OIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 interrupted by a running comment from her 
 companion. 
 
 We sometimes see the same kind of self- 
 ish and thoughtless behavior at concerts. 
 Germans will not tolerate this. Their feel- 
 ing for music is so real and serious that they 
 will allow no interruptions. They stop 
 these by hissing. 
 
 Singers and other musicians like ap- 
 plause, but they often prefer not to repeat 
 a number. The audience ought always to 
 take the hint and stop clapping after the 
 artist has made this evident. To expect a 
 repetition of a difficult aria, which has taxed 
 the powers of the singer to the utmost, is 
 unreasonable and unfair to the performer. 
 It makes the audience appear to want more 
 than they have paid for. So when a prima 
 donna has come forward and made her ac- 
 knowledgments gracefully two or three 
 times, Tom should applaud no more. 
 
 AT CHUECH 
 
 If you want to be happy, you must learn 
 among other things to be punctual, and 
 218 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 punctual in your arrival at church, as well 
 as at school. If people, old and young, 
 who have the habit of being late, only real- 
 ized how much worry, anxiety and discom- 
 fort this bad habit gives them, I think 
 that they would make an effort to over- 
 come it. 
 
 How much distress of mind one suffers 
 when the first bells begin to ring and one 
 is only half ready to go to church! Things 
 have such an unaccountable way of hiding 
 themselves, too, when one is a little behind 
 time. The clean handkerchief that was in 
 plain sight a moment ago mysteriously dis- 
 appears, and one's best gloves have simply 
 vanished from the face of the earth; some 
 mean and hateful person has surely hidden 
 prayer-book and Bible — and one's india- 
 rubbers have been removed by some miracu- 
 lous agency, probably they have walked off 
 by themselves! When at last Miss Pro- 
 crastinator hastens out at the front door, 
 she is in a violent perspiration after her hur- 
 ried efforts to get ready. Perhaps she has 
 been unable to find her fur boa, and the 
 219 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 cold wind strikes her heated and unprotected 
 throat with an icy chill. But it is too late 
 to go back — the chimes at the corner church 
 are already executing the extraordinary 
 fantasia which indicates that they will play 
 no more and that the service is about to be- 
 gin. So Miss P — ^-^ walks on as rapidly 
 as she can, hoping against hope that the 
 clock of the corner church is fast, and won- 
 dering whether her shoes will creak very 
 badly as she goes up the aisle! Boots al- 
 ways do creak when their owner is late, and 
 
 Miss P- arrives at church just in time 
 
 to disturb the congregation who are listen- 
 ing perhaps to the reading of the Scrip- 
 tures. 
 
 Her two elder brothers^-who are obliged 
 to come out into the aisle, in order to let 
 her pass them, look daggers at her, and 
 poor foolish little Miss P — ^^, flushed and 
 agitated, sits down first on her mother's 
 muff, and then on her sister's dress, and pro- 
 ceeds to cough half through the service, be- 
 cause she has forgotten her boa and taken 
 cold! 
 
 220 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 She feels sorry and ashamed to have dis- 
 turbed everyone in church — but she does not 
 perhaps reaUze how much anxiety and dis- 
 comfort she has herself endured— nor how 
 much time it will take to put her room in 
 order after her return from church, for 
 haste seems to have a most unfortunate ef- 
 fect on the contents of bureau drawers and 
 closets ! 
 
 Brother Tom gives her a very superior 
 smile from his end of the pew. He is so 
 much occupied with admiring his own punc- 
 tuality, that he quite forgets how much 
 noise he and his young friends made in the 
 vestibule, talking in loud whispers and 
 laughing, and sometimes staring at the 
 young girls in a decidedly impolite manner. 
 To be sure, all this happened before the be- 
 ginning of the church service, and Tom did 
 not stop to think that many persons had 
 already taken their seats in the expectation 
 of having a few quiet moments in which to 
 collect their thoughts before the arrival of 
 the minister. 
 
 As for looking very steadily at those two 
 221 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 long rows in the gallery, where the girls 
 from Miss Prim's boarding-school have 
 their seats, Tom fancies that he is very 
 smart when he does this. He imagines that 
 it is manly to stare, although a little obser- 
 vation would show him that the gentlemen 
 of his acquaintance never offend in this way. 
 
 But Master Tom is just at the age when 
 boys and young men seem to fancy that 
 they are the proprietors of the whole earth. 
 He does not therefore pay any attention to 
 a plainly dressed woman of middle age, who 
 stops just outside the door of the pew in 
 a hesitating way, as if she would like to 
 come in, but does not wish to intrude. 
 
 "The pew is comfortably full — and 
 Father pays a high price for it. Why 
 should we crowd ourselves to make room 
 for that shabby woman? There are free 
 seats in the gallery — or somebody else can 
 take her in!" Ah, Tom! Do not begin at 
 your young and happy time of life with 
 that somebody else theory! It will not work, 
 my dear fellow. It has been tried over 
 and over again, and somebody else always 
 222 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 proves to be nobody. Did it ever occur to 
 you to think what you are doing, when you 
 refuse to welcome a stranger to your com- 
 fortable pew? Do you not see that you are 
 passively, if not actively, suggesting to him 
 that he has no right in the house of God, un- 
 less he has paid for his seat? Do you re- 
 member that the Savior of mankind drove 
 those who bought and sold from the Tem- 
 ple, saying that they profaned it — and are 
 you going to make the right, the privilege 
 of worshipping the Creator in a Christian 
 church, a question of bargain and sale, of 
 buying or hiring a pew? I think better of 
 you than that, Tom — you never looked at 
 the matter in its true light before and you 
 have probably not reflected as to what 
 might be the dire need of spiritual comfort 
 which urged that shabby woman to come 
 to church to-day. Perhaps she is weary 
 and worn with the cares and anxieties 
 of life, perhaps she has just met with some 
 heavy trial and is greatly depressed, per- 
 haps — ^but here the pew door opens, and 
 Tom allows the shabby woman to slip past 
 233 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 him ; why did not he step out inta the aisle 
 for her, as he did for his sister, I wonder? 
 As he notes her reverent attitude, her ear- 
 nest attention to the service, a queer feel- 
 ing comes over our friend Tom, and he he- 
 gins to see this matter of church going 
 (which he sometimes finds a little tiresome) 
 in a new light. He begins to wonder who 
 his strange neighbor is — and he even hands 
 her the service and hymn books, which she 
 receives with a grateful look. Her voice 
 rises in the hymn, so pure and sweet and 
 yet so sad, that Tom feels queerer and 
 queerer. He stops looking at the board- 
 ing-school pew — he thinks he will listen to 
 the minister, too, since his shabby neighbor 
 is listening so intently. How interesting 
 
 Rev. Mr. > is to-day! At least Tom 
 
 finds him so, perhaps because to-day he has 
 refrained from taking his usual nap. As 
 the gracious words of the benediction fall 
 upon the congregation, they seem to strike 
 Tom with a new meaning — he steps out 
 into the aisle, to allow his shabby neighbor 
 to pass out, and she thanks him in a low, 
 224 
 
ItANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 soft voice, that seems hardly to belong with 
 the homely dress and faded bonnet. The 
 solemn, beautiful tones of the organ sound 
 forth, as the congregation leave the church, 
 and Tom feels that he has entertained an 
 angel unawares — a plain elderly woman, 
 but one who has all unconsciously taught 
 him a lesson he will not soon forget. 
 
 The example of her quiet and reverent 
 behavior has more effect on him than several 
 sermons. He is glad to think that the serv- 
 ices seemed to help her in her trouble. A 
 certain glow about the heart reminds him 
 that we enjoy more what we share with 
 others than what we keep all to om-selves. 
 He resolves that he will never turn away 
 anyone who comes to the door of his pew. 
 He makes up his mind also that hereafter he 
 will pay more attention to the services, in- 
 stead of staring about him and idly turning 
 over the leaves of the service book. It oc- 
 curs to him for the first time that such con- 
 duct is not very polite to the minister and 
 may be disturbing to his neighbors. 
 
 We hope that Tom will learn this lesson 
 225 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 so thoroughly that he will behave with de- 
 corum not only in his own church, but when 
 he attends the services of some other reli- 
 gious denomination. 
 
 When we go to these, we are admitted by 
 the hospitality of the congregation. As a 
 matter of courtesy to them, as well out of 
 respect for the church and the services that 
 are going on, we should be as quiet and rev- 
 erent as we would be in our own particular 
 place of worship. We thus give evidence 
 of our good breeding. 
 
 Young people are sometimes wanting in 
 politeness, when they visit churches of other 
 denominations, from a mistaken spirit of 
 protest. The form of service is diifferent 
 from their own; they do not like it and 
 show their disapproval^ perhaps by whisper- 
 ing, perhaps by a rather scornful demeanor. 
 They would be quite surprised if some one 
 should say to them, "Do you know that 
 your dislike of our observances is written so 
 plainly on your face and shown so clearly 
 in all your actions that you are disturbing 
 the peace of mind of your neighbors? If 
 226 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 you disapprove so strongly of the services, 
 why do you come here?" Why, indeed? 
 
 If these young people reflected a little, 
 they would remember that all these churches 
 of the various sects are dedicated to the wor- 
 ship of the same God, and that by behaving 
 with due reverence and respect they are 
 showing, not that they belong to any par- 
 ticular denomination, but that they revere 
 the Christian religion. The apostle Paul 
 went farther than this — for he told the 
 Greeks that in worshipping as they did 
 "The Unknown God," they were in reality 
 worshipping the God of the Christians — 
 the Creator of the universe. 
 
 The spirit of religious toleration has 
 grown so broad in the twentieth century that 
 we have congresses where people of a great 
 variety of beliefs from all over the world 
 meet together. We have learned that all 
 nations are sincerely striving to find God, 
 although the religious practices of uncivil- 
 ized tribes are strange and sometimes bar- 
 barous. 
 
 Of course it is not to be expected that 
 227 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 when we visit churches of other denomina- 
 tions, we should do things of which our con- 
 sciences disapprove, or which we do not do 
 at our own church. It is not necessary to 
 kneel at a Roman Catholic or an Episcopal 
 church, simply because other people do, but 
 it is proper to assume the same reverent at- 
 titude which we are accustomed to assume 
 during a prayer at our own place of wor- 
 ship. It is also better to rise when the rest 
 of the congregation do so, and to join in 
 the services, so far as we can without hy- 
 pocrisy. If the creed differ from our own, 
 we should surely not repeat something 
 which we do not believe — ^but as a matter 
 of respect we should stand with the rest 
 while they repeat it. 
 
 Young people standing on the sidewalk 
 or in the lobbies before or after the serv- 
 ices, should be careful not to block the way 
 of persons seeking to pass them. They 
 should not bow in recognition of their 
 friends during the service, but wait until 
 it is over. In some churches, members of 
 the congregation converse in quiet tones 
 228 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 while still in the body of the edifice; in 
 others, they wait until they reach the vesti- 
 bule. To talk or laugh loudly either 
 within or without the building would be 
 very ill-bred. 
 
 The rule "Ladies first" holds good in 
 church as well as elsewhere. Indeed we 
 have already said that men do not precede 
 women, unless they can assist or protect these 
 by doing so. Where the pew system pre- 
 vails, visitors wait at the rear until an usher 
 shows them to a seat. He goes first and 
 opens the door, a service which should be 
 acknowledged by a slight but courteous in- 
 clination of the head. In some of our 
 crowded city churches, a good deal of com- 
 plaint is made of these functionaries. They 
 are harassed by the attendance of many 
 strangers and occasionally treat these with 
 scanty politeness. Such men are filled with 
 too great a sense of their own importance. 
 They forget that their business is to help, 
 not to hinder people. A man should feel 
 heartily ashamed of himself, if by his un- 
 courteous bearing he has driven anybody 
 229 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 away from church! The custom of having 
 a number of young men of the congrega- 
 tion act as ushers is a pleasant one, and 
 usually prevents this deplorable result! 
 
 Pew holders do not wait to be shown to 
 their seats; the gentleman of the party 
 opens the door for the ladies, allows them to 
 pass in first, then takes his seat at the end 
 nearest the aisle. When the services are 
 over, he goes out and holds the door open 
 while the ladies pass out. He then follows 
 them out of the church. 
 
 Tom and Susan may like to accompany 
 their parents to the evening services. This 
 is much better than going with a group of 
 young people. When the latter get to- 
 gether, it is hard for them to be as quiet as 
 they should be. They do not really intend, 
 let us hope, to disturb the services, but boys 
 and girls in their teens "are sometimes car- 
 ried away by their high spirits. Hence it 
 is best for Tom and his friends to scat- 
 ter themselves through the church. If half 
 a dozen young fellows occupy the same pew, 
 the sexton may be obliged to caution them 
 230 
 
MANNERS IN PUBLIC PLACES 
 
 to keep quiet, and that would be mortify- 
 ing. Perhaps there is some young girl 
 whom Tom would like to escort home after 
 church. He will, of course, ask her per- 
 mission before doing so, and will see her 
 safely to her door before leaving her. He 
 will not go in unless she asks him. In any 
 case he will not stay long, as the hour will 
 probably be a late one. 
 
 Should Susan walk home with a young 
 fellow of whom her brother does not think 
 well, he will doubtless remonstrate with her. 
 He will be in the right, too, although older 
 brothers should not be dictatorial to their 
 sisters. If Susan is a sensible girl, she will 
 pay attention to what Tom has to say. If 
 her brother objects to her walking with the 
 boy, simply from personal dislike, she 
 should not yield to his prejudices. If he 
 has reason to think the latter is not well-be- 
 haved, his opinion should have weight with 
 Susan, because he probably knows more 
 about the young man than she does. 
 
 Perhaps Tom may say, "You ought not 
 to let Sam Jones walk home with you. He 
 231 
 
MANNERS IN PUBIIC PLACES 
 
 may be all right, but he has only lived in 
 town for a short time, so none of us knows 
 much about him." Again Tom is probably 
 right. Susan should not allow a young man 
 to escort her in the evening, unless she is 
 well acquainted with him. If the other 
 members of the family are with her, her dif- 
 ficulties will be easily straightened out. She 
 can walk a little in advance with her young 
 friend, and meet her parents at the door of 
 the house. Before starting, she should pre- 
 sent him to her mother, and ask leave to ac- 
 cept his escort. 
 
 232 
 
CHAPTER XXI 
 
 AT THE TELEPHONE 
 
 IT is SO easy to call up some one over the 
 telephone that thoughtless people for- 
 get the little machine is not "as free as 
 air." In the country and in certain sub- 
 urban localities, an unlimited number of 
 calls is allowed to the subscribers. But in 
 large cities and in many other places, the 
 telephone company is not so generous and 
 an extra charge is made for each call over 
 and above five hundred, or whatever the 
 monthly limit may be. 
 
 We should therefore use a friend's tele- 
 phone very sparingly. We should never do 
 so without asking permission. For a long 
 distance message there is always an extra 
 charge. If we send one from the house of 
 another person, we must always ask the op- 
 erator, after we have finished talking, what 
 the price will be. The money should be 
 233 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 left on the instrument or handed to the 
 friend. A telegram sent over the telephone 
 should be paid for in the same way. 
 
 Should one pay for a local call, sent from 
 the residence of a friend? This would de- 
 pend upon the custom of the house. Some 
 people are wilUng to receive payment and 
 others dislike it. Hence it is better not to 
 use the telephone in the dwelling of a per- 
 son whom one knows only slightly, unless 
 some special reason for haste exists. 
 
 In case of illness or accident it would be 
 perfectly proper to stop, even at the house 
 of a stranger, ask to be allowed to send a 
 call, and pay for it or offer to do so. 
 
 When speaking over the instrument we 
 must remember to be polite. The greeting 
 "Hullo" is certainly very ugly and awk- 
 ward, but it seems now to be universally ac- 
 cepted. If one adds, "Good-morning," or 
 "Good-evening, Mary," the effect is less 
 abrupt. While one must never be brusque 
 nor impatient, it is important to be concise 
 and clear, especially as other people may be 
 awaiting their turn to speak. It expedites 
 234 
 
AT THE TELEPHONE 
 
 matters to give one's name as soon as pos- 
 sible, as for instance, "This is Miss Jones — 
 to whom am I speaking, please?" If some 
 one interrupts, it suffices to say, "I have the 
 wire, if you please," or "The wire is busy 
 now." "Will you please get off the wire?" 
 is only permissible where some one persists 
 in breaking in on a conversation, or persists 
 in listening, after he has been told the line 
 is in use. 
 
 One can tell whether a person is well- 
 bred or the reverse, from his tone of voice 
 and behavior at the telephone. It is cer- 
 tainly unpleasant to be interrupted when 
 one has the right of way. But since this is 
 often the result of accident, it is unreason- 
 able to show irritation. It is best to assume 
 that the newcomer does not know the line 
 is already in use. If one speaks in a firm 
 yet courteous tone, it is usually easy to con- 
 vince him of his mistake. A recent maga- 
 zine story gave an amusing description of 
 an old lady who spent her leisure time in 
 listening to the conversation of her neigh- 
 bors over the telephone. They finally be- 
 235 
 
BOYS, 6IBIS AND lEANNEBS 
 
 come indignant, threaten to have the instru- 
 ments removed, and she realizes that she 
 has been playing the part of an eavesdrop- 
 per. It need scarcely be said that we must 
 never listen to what other people say over 
 the line. If we inadvertently take down the 
 transmitter when the machine is in use, we 
 should at once hang it up again. If we 
 fail to do this and the person who is talk- 
 ing perceives that others are listening to the 
 conversation, he has a right to say, "Please 
 hang up — ^this wire is in use." 
 
 People who like to chatter over the wire 
 and whp do not own a private line, should 
 remember that the telephone is intended for 
 short messages, not for long conversations. 
 Susan might enjoy a good talk with Mary 
 Jones on a wet afternoon, when neither 
 girl wanted to go out. Yet it would be 
 neither kind nor polite to monopolize the 
 line just for idle amusement, when the 
 neighbors were waiting to transact their 
 business. Usually there are certain hours 
 in the morning when housekeepers give their 
 orders for the day, as well as later hours 
 236 
 
AT THE TELEPHONE 
 
 when there is a pressure of business. If 
 Susan wants to talk to Mary Jones she 
 should avoid these busy periods. She 
 should stop the conversation when she finds 
 somebody else is waiting to use the line. 
 
 In cases of serious illness, we must not 
 telephone to the house. Not only would 
 the noise of the bell and the conversation 
 disturb the invalid, but he might become se- 
 riously alarmed by the questions about his 
 condition. Unless the instrument were in 
 a distant part of the house, he would be 
 pretty sure to hear what was said about him. 
 I have known instances where it was neces- 
 sary to disconnect the telephone in order to 
 stop these tormenting inquiries, kindly 
 meant though they were. 
 
 The telephone has become such an impor- 
 tant part of our modem plan of life, that 
 it is hard to imagine how we could get along 
 without it. Yet we all realize that it is a 
 troublesome comfort, if the bell rings when 
 we are very busy and we are perhaps 
 obliged to go up or down several flights of 
 stairs in order to answer it. 
 237 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 When Tom has only twenty minutes in 
 which to eat his luncheon, it is annoying for 
 him to lose half the time in answering the 
 telephone. He exclaims wearily, "Why 
 need Joe Smith have called me up in the 
 middle of my lunch just to tell me that, 
 when I knew it already?" 
 
 Tom is entirely right. It is not polite to 
 call people up at an hour when we know 
 they will be at the table, unless the matter 
 is very urgent. It is better to speak to 
 them a little before or a little after the meal. 
 We should avoid calling up our friends very 
 early in the morning or late in the even- 
 ing, after they have retired for the night. 
 
 A lady of my acquaintance had living 
 with her a niece whose room was next hers. 
 The room contained a telephone, it should 
 be said. The niece was a young lady in so- 
 ciety and went to many dances which kept 
 her up late at night. Nevertheless her 
 friends were often so inconsiderate as to 
 call her up in the morning while she was still 
 asleep. As her aunt himiorously ex- 
 pressed it, "The first thing I hear when I 
 238 
 
AT THE TELEPHONE 
 
 wake up, is a chattering and twittering next 
 door. Why there is so much conversation 
 over the telephone in the morning, that 
 Bella's chamber is like a ball-room by eight 
 o'clock." 
 
 Bella's friends were certainly thoughtless. 
 Since this modern convenience penetrates to 
 the very heart of the house, we must be care- 
 ful to use it with a certain delicacy. 
 Otherwise we destroy people's privacy and 
 rest. 
 
 The telephone places us at the mercy of 
 our friends and we should not disturb them 
 at inconvenient hours, just as we should not 
 go to see them, except at certain times. 
 
 In calling up an older man or woman or 
 one who is very busy, Susan and Tom 
 should not insist on summoning him to the 
 telephone. It is better to say to the per- 
 son who answers the call, "Will it be con- 
 venient for Mr. Smith to speak to me, or 
 will you take a message for him?" 
 
 239 
 
CHAPTER XXII 
 
 ON VOICE AND LANGUAGE 
 
 THERE is no country in the world 
 where the opera is so finely given as 
 it is in the United States. During 
 the season, our large cities can boast of hav- 
 ing the greatest number of the best singers. 
 Not every one can afford to attend these ex- 
 pensive performances, it is true, but here 
 the mechanical inventions of the day come 
 to our aid. In small villages and in quiet 
 country homes, the phonograph reproduces 
 the wonderful voices of Caruso, Tetrazzini 
 and others. The beautiful melodies of the 
 opera are thus heard throughout the length 
 and breadth of our land by all sorts and 
 conditions of men, by the poor as well as 
 by the rich. 
 
 We should all rejoice greatly over this 
 wide diffusion of beautiful music. Firstly, 
 because it affords so much innocent pleas- 
 240 
 
ON VOICE AND LANGUAGE 
 
 ure, secondly, because it has a refining and 
 elevating influence, thirdly, because it is 
 sure sooner or later to have a favorable ef- 
 fect on the American voice. This has re- 
 ceived a great deal of criticism that is 
 doubtless well-deserved. But with such 
 lovely models before us, we shall certainly 
 improve. For the contemplation of art 
 tends to make a nation artistic, as history 
 tells us. 
 
 The American voice and utterance, espe- 
 cially in our cold Northern States, are too 
 often harsh and nasal. We speak too much 
 from the head and throat, and not enough 
 from the chest. Hence the voices of our 
 women are often pitched in a high, sharp 
 key that grates unpleasantly upon the ear. 
 Many of our men also are inclined to speak 
 in rough, over-loud tones. I should advise 
 all our boys and girls to take lessons in 
 singing and thus soften and improve their 
 voices. Reading aloud is also good for this 
 purpose. Another agency that will help us 
 is foreign travel. This must necessarily 
 have an effect upon our national manners, 
 241 
 
BOYS, OIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 now that such a large number of Ameri- 
 cans go to Europe and come under the in- 
 fluence of the older civilization, every year. 
 When we visit England, we admire in- 
 voluntarily the softness of speech of the peo- 
 ple, although their various mannerisms seem 
 to us like affectation. Doubtless their way 
 of speaking is quite as natural to them as 
 ours is to us. If we merely imitate them 
 parrot-fashion we shall appear affected. 
 Yet we may well study their modes of 
 speech in order to improve our own. The 
 deliberate and careful utterance of the well- 
 bred Englishman, his tendency to distrib- 
 ute the accent evenly over aU the syllables 
 instead of concentrating it on one or two, 
 and the agreeable quality of his voice, show a 
 high degree of culture. The Frenchman is 
 even more careful in this distribution of the 
 accent. Both he and the Englishman take 
 pains with their speech. It is evident that 
 they think it proper to do so. To speak 
 in a slovenly way appears to them as ill- 
 bred as to dress untidily. Since we have 
 a noble and beautiful language, it would 
 242 
 
ON VOICE AND LANGUAGE 
 
 seem to be a part of patriotism as well as 
 of good-breeding to enunciate it in a care- 
 ful and painstaking way. Americans are 
 noted as a nation for wearing good and 
 well-fitting clothes. When we all come to 
 imderstand the great defects of our method 
 of speech, we shall make a determined effort 
 to remedy them. 
 
 It should be said, however, that Ameri- 
 cans usually talk in such a way as to make 
 themselves understood. As we are a na- 
 tion of public speakers, we realize that this 
 is the primary object of speech. Yet if we 
 can accomplish the same result in a more 
 agreeable way by using weU-modulated 
 tones and by speaking more slowly and not 
 so loud, this will certainly be a good thing. 
 
 It is to be feared that the custom of re- 
 citing in unison in our public schools gives 
 the children an unfortunate habit of shout- 
 ing. 
 
 Our careless methods of enunciation show 
 themselves in the suppression of certain let- 
 ters. If an Englishman speaks of our 
 country as "The States," we do not like it. 
 243 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 Yet many Americans describe the great re- 
 public as the " 'Nite States," surely a most 
 undignified abbreviation of "United States." 
 There are many other words which are cur- 
 tailed of their just proportions in the same 
 cruel way. Thus we often hear "Govern- 
 ment" called "Govu'ment." "Gentleman" 
 becomes "Gen'lman," "Avenue," "Av'noo," 
 "Difference," "Diff'unce," "Memorial," 
 "MemoyuU," "Generally," "Getflly," 
 "Yes," "Yeah" or "Yep." 
 
 The same sort of carelessness shows itself 
 in rimning words together. "Don't you" 
 has a startling soimd when pronounced 
 "Donchew." "Gray deal" for "Great deal," 
 and "Bookase" for "Bookcase" are familiar 
 instances of this method of speaking. 
 Such elisions are allowable in French and 
 Italian, but do not suit the genius of the 
 English language. While we should avoid 
 running our words together, we must be 
 careful not to make so long a pause between 
 them as to call attention to the mode of 
 pronunciation. This would sound over- 
 precise. Our method of speaking should be 
 244 
 
ON VOICE AND LANGUAGE 
 
 careful, yet easy and natural, never prim. 
 
 The limits of the present chapter will not 
 permit us to speak at any length of mispro- 
 nunciations in general. Yet there are a few 
 to which I should like to call attention. 
 Hospitable should have the accent on the first 
 not on the second syllable. "Roosevelt," 
 should be pronounced as if it were spelled 
 "Rosevelt." Why some people should call 
 "Column," "Coliune" I have never been able 
 to find out. There is no authority for say- 
 ing "Pianist." The accent should be on the 
 second syllable as in piano. "Literature" 
 should be pronounced very much as it is 
 spelled. Both "Literachoor" and "Litera- 
 toor" sound badly. In the same way 
 "Amateur" should not be pronounced 
 "Amatoor" nor "Amature." 
 
 Mispronunciations are not confined to 
 the United States, however. Some of those 
 that are current in our country we 
 brought over from England. These and 
 others peculiar to the British Isles have 
 acquired respectability, through their great 
 age. Indeed an Englishman thinks it 
 245 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 extremely incorrect to pronounce cer- 
 tain proper names as they are spelled. 
 Americans will doubtless continue to use 
 the ancient English mispronunciations (such 
 as "Woo'ster" for "Worcester" and 
 "Grin'idj" for "Greenwich") which came 
 over in the Mayflower. There does not 
 seem to be any good reason, however, 
 why we should adopt more recent British in- 
 novations*. Indeed our conservative tendency 
 is shown in the retention in New England of 
 the quaint Yankee accent and pronuncia^ 
 tion. To those of my young readers who 
 are interested in such matters, I would rec- 
 ommend the perusal of Lowell's introduction 
 to the second series of Biglow Papers. Here 
 they will find old authorities cited to prove 
 that these are a survival of the early days 
 when the English language was still strongly 
 influenced by the Norman French. It is 
 well known, on this side of the water at any 
 rate, that many so-called Americanisms are 
 words and phrases formerly used in Eng- 
 land. They are not Americanisms at all, in 
 reahty, but "Old Englishisms." 
 246 
 
ON VOICE AND lANGTIAGE 
 
 The language of Shakespeare is said to 
 be more easily comprehended by our people 
 than by those of his native land. This 
 greatest of English poets wrote, as we all 
 know, in the golden days of English lit- 
 erature. Evidently our mother tongue as 
 spoken in the United States is not to be de- 
 spised. We should make a great mistake 
 if we tried to adopt the phraseology of the 
 British. 
 
 The wide diffusion of education of which 
 we are justly proud, gives our people a 
 knowledge of grammar and makes us a na- 
 tion of readers. There is a general desire 
 and effort to speak correctly, so far as gram- 
 mar is concerned, in spite of the tendency of 
 some Americans to lapse into slang. There 
 are several objections to language of this 
 sort. In the first place, it is often worse 
 than it appears to be. A slang phrase 
 which sounds entirely innocent may have a 
 secondary and very objectionable meaning. 
 For this reason and also because it is a very 
 slovenly form of speech, well-bred people 
 avoid it or use it very sparingly. Occa- 
 247 
 
BOYS, GIELS AND MANNERS 
 
 sionally some new phrase is coined which is 
 so expressive that it is gradually adopted 
 into the currency of the spoken language. 
 
 In the second place, slang is extremely 
 vague and inexact. People use it to save 
 themselves the trouble of thinking just what 
 they mean. Instead of employing in turn a 
 number of different adjectives to express 
 various shades of meaning, some boys and 
 girls use only two. Whatever they like is 
 "fine," whatever they dislike is "fierce." So 
 the language becomes impoverished. It is 
 said that in the works of Shakespeare, there 
 are fifteen thousand different words. The 
 vocabulary of a tribe of American Indians 
 contains a few hundred. Our boys and 
 girls probably do not expect to equal this 
 great, writer, but they wish their language 
 to be superior to that of savages. 
 
 In the day of aeroplanes and automobiles, 
 long words and elaborate phrases seem in- 
 congruous. Indeed they went out of fash- 
 ion some little time ago. The Enghsh lan- 
 guage of to-day is characterized by directness 
 and simplicity. In the twentieth century 
 248 
 
ON VOICE AND lANGTJAGE 
 
 we try to express ourselves as tersely as pos- 
 sible, yet we must not be curt and brusque. 
 Emerson says, "There is always time enough 
 for courtesy." We should use good idio- 
 matic English, avoiding careless slipshod ex- 
 pressions and vulgarity on the one hand, and 
 over-precision on the other. Over-precision 
 of speech is very much better than coarse- 
 ness or roughness. But the frequent use of 
 long words and roundabout phrases sounds 
 pedantic. We should call a spade a spade, 
 rather than "Designate it as an agricultural 
 implement intended for stirring up the soil." 
 This directness and simplicity of lan- 
 guage is nothing new. We have always had 
 it before our eyes in the King James' ver- 
 sion of the Bible, prepared in the golden 
 age of English literature. The artificial 
 taste of the eighteenth centiu'y held up new 
 models before us. Dr. Johnson is said to 
 have "Johnsonized English." We are now 
 returning to the older and better forms of 
 expression. When the Bible of King 
 James' time was written, men did not "re- 
 side," they "lived." They did not "trans- 
 249 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 mit," they sent or brought good tidings. 
 
 Foreign words and phrases should be 
 used very sparingly. If we are not sure of 
 the correct pronunciation, it is better to 
 avoid them. It is in bad taste to give a 
 quotation and then translate it. If you 
 think your hearers do not understand the 
 foreign language, do not make use of it, but 
 give the English equivalent. 
 
 The words "lady" and "gentleman" were 
 so over-used at one time that they have now 
 been dropped to a great extent, "man" and 
 "woman" being substituted for them. Yet 
 there are times when we must employ them 
 or seem lacking in courtesy. Thus a cab- 
 driver in a New England town once called 
 for a passenger who kept him waiting. 
 When he reached the station, his employer 
 took him to task for being so late. 
 
 "I couldn't help it, this woman kept me 
 waiting," replied the driver. By speaking 
 thus of her in her presence, he seemed to 
 imply that she was not a lady. This im- 
 plication was strengthened when he pointed 
 out to his passenger, a young man of rather 
 250 
 
ON VOICE AND LANGUAGE 
 
 primitive appearance and manners. "That 
 gentleman will attend to your baggage for 
 you," he remarked. The elderly woman 
 who had been thus snubbed, was a person 
 of old family and of good manners. Hav- 
 ing tried to recall any lack of politeness 
 on her own part and having failed to do 
 so, she concluded that the cab-driver was 
 one of those persons to whom all their own 
 friends are ladies and gentlemen and all 
 other people of doubtful gentility. 
 
 In order to speak and write our own lan- 
 guage well, we study grammar and rhetoric. 
 We also consult the dictionary whenever we 
 are in doubt about the spelling, meaning or 
 pronunciation of a word. We must do 
 more than this, however. We must read the 
 works of the best authors, both English and 
 American. We must also listen to the liv- 
 ing speech of people of culture, refinement 
 and high aims. If we are not so fortunate 
 as to count such persons in our circle of 
 friends, we can go to hear them in church, 
 in public halls and in the private parlors 
 where many lectures are now given before 
 women's clubs and similar organizations. 
 251 
 
CHAPTER XXIII 
 
 THE AGREEABLE AND THE TIRESOME TALKER 
 
 SUSAN once said to her mother, "I 
 wonder why it is that all the girls like 
 to have a visit from Emma Jones, but 
 groan if they see Kate coming. Both of 
 them are tremendous talkers: it is hard to 
 get a word in edgewise when either of them 
 is speaking. Still we do enjoy seeing 
 Emma, while her sister is so tedious." 
 
 "I think the difference is just this," re- 
 plied Susan's mother. "Emma likes to 
 talk, but she also wants to please. So she 
 always has some funny or interesting story 
 to tell, something the girls will like to hear. 
 Then she takes an interest in what other 
 people do. She doesn't give you quite 
 your fair share of the conversation, it is 
 true. But she listens attentively to what 
 you have to say. If you tell her what a 
 good time you had at the seashore, for in- 
 252 
 
THE AGREEABLE TAIEEB 
 
 stance, she is really glad to hear it. She is 
 sympathetic. Kate is a very bright girl, 
 but she is too much wrapped up in her own 
 affairs. So she talks of whatever happens 
 to be in her mind at the moment, without 
 stopping to consider whether it will inter- 
 est the other girls. I don't think she really 
 listens at all. At least she does not appear 
 to do so. She stops for a moment, when 
 you say something, but her mind instantly 
 reverts to herself, her studies, her experi- 
 ences, whatever she may have been talking 
 about. Of course this is in great part the 
 result of her long illness and severe suffer- 
 ings. Kate bore these very bravely. But 
 she has acquired such a habit of receiving 
 sympathy that she forgets to give it to 
 other people. 
 
 "She expects them to sympathize with her 
 all the time. While she was an invalid, her 
 friends were glad to do so. Now that she 
 has recovered her health, the case is very 
 different. 
 
 "Then she is lacking in tact. She does not 
 notice whether her hearers are interested in 
 253 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 what she is saying, but goes straight on till 
 you are all tired out. It is to be hoped she 
 will learn better as she grows older. No 
 one can be an agreeable talker, in my opin- 
 ion, who has not sympathy and tact, as well 
 as brains. Some of the worst bores I have 
 
 ever known," here Mrs. X sighed 
 
 deeply, "were bright people. They knew 
 they were clever, and so imagined their con- 
 versation must always be interesting. 
 Whereas a person who knows she is dull, is 
 usually more modest." 
 
 Susan did not seem thoroughly convinced. 
 She thought over what her mother had said 
 for a moment before she answered, in a tone 
 of deliberation, "Ye-es, I suppose stupid 
 people aren't so conceited, but some of them 
 are the most endless talkers ! I think James 
 Jenkins is the most tiresome person I know. 
 He's just like a balky horse. It's almost 
 impossible to get him started. He sits on 
 his chair, as if he were glued to it, answer- 
 ing just 'yes' and 'no,' to whatever I say, 
 till I feel as if I should go crazy. Then if 
 you can once set him going, he's much worse 
 254 
 
THE AGREEABLE TAIKER 
 
 than either of the Jones girls. At least 
 they have pleasant voices and speak in an 
 agreeahle way. But James has such harsh 
 tones, and oh! so monotonous! He never 
 lowers nor raises his voice and never stops, 
 after he has really begun to talk. He tells 
 us about a ball-game just as seriously as if 
 he were giving the text of a sermon." 
 
 "James has an unfortunate voice and 
 
 manner," assented Mrs. X , "and he is 
 
 unnecessarily scrupulous in telling every lit- 
 tle detail and in correcting himself if he 
 gets one wrong." 
 
 "That's just it. Mother," Susan agreed, 
 nodding her head so vigorously as to shake 
 her flaxen braids about, "When he called 
 last evening, I was so desperate trying to 
 get him to talk, that I made — oh, the most 
 stupid mistake! I asked him what he did 
 when he was at the sea-side. I didn't know 
 he'd been there for a whole fortnight, but 
 it seems he had been. So he began : 
 
 " 'Let me see. On Monday morning I 
 went out fishing with Vincent Morse, 
 Tommy Taylor and Edward Alison. Ed- 
 255 
 
BOYS, GIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 ward's uncle lent us his big row-boat with 
 two pairs of oars and we took turns in row- 
 ing. Let me see, was that Monday? Why, 
 no — I'm all wrong. It was Tuesday we 
 went fishing in Mr. Alison's boat. What 
 did we do Monday? Oh! I remember, 
 we played tennis, Vincent and Tommy 
 against Edward and me. We won, hands 
 down, in four sets. The score was 6-3 — 
 for the first set — no, I think it was 6-2. 
 Here's the score anyhow.' So then he took 
 a card out of his pocket and read us off the 
 whole score. Next we had to hear about 
 how many fish and what kind each one of 
 the boys caught. He got mixed up on one 
 flounder, and it was the longest time before 
 he could decide which fellow hooked that. 
 As if we cared! 
 
 "He went right through all the days of 
 his visit, in the same tedious way, stopping 
 over and over again to correct himself, if he 
 made the smallest mistake. Luckily it 
 rained the last three days — ^luckily for us, 
 I mean. He was going on to tell us just 
 what books he read and what games of 
 256 
 
THE AGREEABLE TALKER 
 
 cards they played, when I managed to break 
 into the conversation. I said: 
 
 " 'Wasn't it too bad that you had to stay 
 in the house all that time!' Then I asked 
 whether he was going to the picnic next 
 week. So we started him on another 
 tack." 
 
 "Poor James! He is very shy and over- 
 consdientious," commented Mrs. X — ^— . 
 "He told you the story of his visit as care- 
 fully as if he had been testifying in a Court 
 of Law. He did not stop to think that the 
 precise number of flounders could not be 
 of any interest to you, because you do not 
 care for fishing. If he had had any sense 
 of proportion, he would have known that 
 what you wanted to hear was a brief gen- 
 eral account of his visit. 
 
 "Many people make the mistake of going 
 too much into detail. They give a number, 
 then they think it may not be the right one, 
 so they correct themeslves. This is the 
 proper thing for a teacher, or for any one 
 who is imparting exact information, to do. 
 If I am telling you about the cost of the 
 257 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Panama Canal, or the height of a new sky- 
 scraper, I shall try to give the figures cor- 
 rectly. But in ordinary conversation, it is 
 not necessary to do this. James might have 
 told you the names of the other boys who 
 were there, and have given you a general 
 outline of the visit. He might have said 
 for instance : 
 
 " 'One day, we all went out in the big 
 row-boat belonging to Edward's uncle, 
 and caught quite a lot of fish. Another 
 day we played tennis all the morning. 
 We did other things, too, but the last three 
 days it rained all the time. So we stayed 
 on the piazza and read and played cards.' 
 
 "Having given you a short sketch of his 
 fortnight's experiences, he could have re- 
 lated one or two of the most interesting ad- 
 ventures at greater length. It is quite an 
 art to tell a story well, however, just as it 
 is to paint a picture. We must not be pro- 
 lix, neither must we be too concise. We 
 must give enough details to make our story 
 seem real and vivid, yet not enough to con- 
 fuse or weary the mind of the hearer. All 
 258 
 
THE AGREEABLE TAIKEH 
 
 that are given should lead up to the central 
 point of the story. They should not dis- 
 tract the attention to side issues." 
 
 Susan's mother gave her daughter some 
 good advice. She might have added a hint 
 about the danger of joking with those whom 
 we know only slightly. People's ideas of 
 fun are very different. One boy will be 
 greatly amused by something which appears 
 not in the least funny to another. Those 
 who are of a literal turn of mind, usually, 
 have very little sense of humor. If you 
 make some small jest in talking to them, 
 they will think you mean exactly what you 
 say. It is especially dangerous to indulge 
 in personal jokes with people of this sort, 
 because they will be very apt to suppose you 
 are in earnest and so will feel hurt or an- 
 gry. Personal remarks are in bad taste 
 and we should not make them, unless we 
 are talking with those whom we know very 
 well. Personal questions are also to be 
 avoided. An old rule forbids our convers- 
 ing on three subjects — ^marriage, age and 
 money. 
 
 259 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 Very young people do not object to tell- 
 ing their age, but older ones usually dislike 
 it. Hence it is not thought polite to ask 
 how old any one is, nor indeed to talk much 
 about age. It is also ill-bred to make the 
 possession of wealth and the prices of ar- 
 ticles, the subject of conversation. To 
 value things for their cost in money is sor- 
 did. We must prize them for their beauty, 
 their serviceableness or other good qualities. 
 People who are accustomed to the posses- 
 sion of money, know that it is vulgar to 
 talk about it. Only the nouveaucc riches, 
 as they are called, indulge in conversation 
 of this sort. It is in very bad taste to boast 
 of our possessions, especially before those 
 who own less than we do. Obviously such 
 conversation is unkind, because it reminds 
 other people of their deficiencies. 
 
 When a nimaber of girls and boys are 
 chatting together, they should try to 
 choose subjects of conversation in which aU 
 can join. Thus if Susan has a guest from 
 out-of-town, it will be tiresome for her if 
 
 the others talk for a long time about peo- 
 260 
 
THE AGBEEABIE TAIEEE 
 
 pie whom she has never seen. Susan will 
 try to enlist her friend's interest by ex- 
 plaining who these are. She will also en- 
 deavor to change the topic, when a good 
 opportunity occurs. 
 
 The prohibition of marriage as a subject 
 of conversation means, as I understand it, 
 that we must not indulge in frequent specu- 
 lations as to whether Miss A and Mr. 
 
 B are engaged to be married. We 
 
 must not circulate gossip of this sort, and 
 we must not question either the principal 
 persons concerned, or their near relatives. 
 
 It is not well-bred to ask a man or a girl 
 if the report of his or her engagement is 
 true. The question is often an embarrass- 
 ing one. It may be premature — no engage- 
 ment may exist at the moment. If it does, 
 the parties may not be ready to announce it. 
 Hence they must either tell an untruth, or 
 divulge what they wish to keep secret for a 
 time. 
 
 We should wait patiently until our 
 friends are ready to impart the news to us. 
 If Susan has reason to suppose that the en- 
 261 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 gagement of Mary Jones' brother has been 
 announced, but that the tidings have failed 
 to reach her, she should question the latter 
 indirectly, if at all. Thus she could say: 
 
 "Have you any pleasant news to tell me 
 about your brother?" Mary could answer 
 "No" to this, without telling a falsehood. 
 
 262 
 
CHAPTER XXIV 
 
 DRESS AND HOW TO WEAE IT 
 
 TOM and Susan will wish to be well 
 dressed. All Americans like to 
 wear good clothes. Indeed, as a na- 
 tion, I'm afraid we think too much about 
 appearances. Many people spend more 
 money than they can afford on their dress, 
 not realizing that this lays them open to 
 criticism. Our friends and neighbors often 
 know much more about our financial affairs 
 than we suppose. If Susan is extravagant 
 and constantly appears in new and expen- 
 sive garments, Mrs. Critical, her neighbor 
 across the way, may say, "There goes Susan 
 
 X with another new dress ! Really she 
 
 ought not to fling money about so, when her 
 father has not a large salary, and three chil- 
 dren to clothe and provide for! I do wish 
 Susan would be a little more reasonable! 
 263 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 She does not realize what a bad example 
 she sets to all the girls in her class at 
 school." 
 
 "No, I don't believe she doesl" responds 
 Mrs. Anxious. "The others all feel dissat- 
 isfied if they can't have a new gown every 
 time she does. Melinda is a very reasonable 
 girl, and she knows how hard it is for me to 
 be so much at the sewing machine, when I 
 have so many things to do about the house. 
 
 "But when Susan starts very early in the 
 Spring with a new suit for school, and one 
 girl after another follows her example, 
 Melinda begins to look so discouraged! 
 There is nothing for it but to make her one, 
 too, early in March, The consequence is, 
 it grows shabby long before the time for 
 tub dresses arrives, and I have to stop in 
 the midst of the spring cleaning and make 
 her still another suit!" 
 
 It is to avoid this sort of unhealthy emu- 
 lation, that the principals of boarding- 
 schools usually insist on simplicity of dress 
 for their young charges. These ladies 
 know that it is in bad taste for young girls 
 to wear elaborate costumes. Hence it is 
 264 
 
DEESS AND HOW TO WEAK IT 
 
 often the rule that the pupils shall wear 
 either a uniform, a sailor suit or a plainly 
 made gown of dark serge or other woolen 
 stuff, in the day time during the winter sea- 
 son. In the evening, they usually appear 
 in simple frocks of muslin or other thin 
 material of some pretty, light color, made 
 with short sleeves. These may be high in 
 the neck or cut down somewhat, as the 
 wearer prefers. For school-girls, a simple 
 style of doing the hair is more suitable and 
 more becoming than some elaborate arrange- 
 ment of puffs and frizzes that contrast 
 strangely with the fresh young face be- 
 neath. 
 
 If Susan is going to a large dance, she 
 will probably wish to wear a gown cut 
 decollete to a moderate extent. A simple 
 locket and chain and perhaps small brace- 
 lets are permissible for yoimg girls, but 
 they should not wear diamonds nor other 
 expensive stones, nor indeed much jewelry 
 of any sort. A ribbon, or when fashion so 
 decrees, natural flowers will look much more 
 appropriate in Susan's hair, than feathers 
 or aigrettes. 
 
 265 
 
BOTS, OIBIS AND MANNEES 
 
 Her hats should also be simply trimmed 
 until she is fully grown up. All good mil- 
 liners understand this and have hats for 
 sale suitable for school-girls' wear, as well 
 as more elaborate ones for older women. 
 
 When Susan begins to have a voice in 
 choosing her own clothes, she will find these 
 rules very helpful: 
 
 First. We must select things that will be 
 appropriate to the occasions where we are 
 to wear them. I would advise our young 
 friend to look over the suits and hats left 
 from the previous year, before she starts out 
 to buy new ones. The former can usually 
 be remodelled for every-day purposes. 
 Next, Susan should consider carefully 
 what kind of costume she will be likely 
 to need. In these days when fashions 
 change so rapidly, it is thought better to 
 avoid having many gowns at one time, lest 
 they become out-of-date. If a young girl 
 is to spend the winter in a quiet, country or 
 suburban town, she will need only a small 
 wardrobe. 
 
 A nice, tailor-made suit for church and 
 266 
 
DRESS AND HOW TO WEAR IT 
 
 best street wear, will probably be her most 
 expensive purchase. One or two pretty 
 house dresses for the afternoon, she should 
 have. For evening wear, she can utilize 
 her light summer gowns of muslin or other 
 thin material, having them laundered as 
 soon as they lose their freshness. Accord- 
 ing to the pleasant modern fashion, young 
 girls dress in this way for late dinner at 
 home, even when no guests are expected. 
 
 Second. Our costumes must be becom- 
 ing to us personally. A certain shape of 
 hat may look very well on Mary Jones, who 
 has a long, oval face, and may be exceed- 
 ingly unbecoming to the round, chubby 
 countenance of her friend. A girl who is 
 tall and slender can wear a costume which 
 would by no means suit a short and plump 
 yoimg woman. All these things and many 
 others we must consider carefully, if we 
 wish to be well-dressed. 
 
 Third. The costume must be suitable to 
 the age of the wearer. 
 
 Fourth. Its cost should be in proportion 
 to our means. 
 
 267 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 Fifth. The different articles of our 
 wardrobe must go well together. The shop 
 windows are now made extremely attrac- 
 tive. We are often tempted to buy some 
 article of dress that we see displayed, 
 as we pass along the street, without consid- 
 ering sufficiently whether it will really meet 
 our needs. Susan perhaps, sees a very 
 pretty hat, marked at a very reasonable 
 price. She hurries in to buy it and brings 
 
 it home for mother to admire. Mrs. X 
 
 hates to throw cold water when her daugh- 
 ter returns, delighted with the new pur- 
 chase. But her experienced eye sees in a 
 moment that the vivid pink ribbons are not 
 suited to Susan's complexion, and wiU 
 neither match nor contrast harmoniously 
 with any of the latter's gowns. 
 
 Susan hastens to get out her new linen 
 frock and is sadly disappointed when she 
 perceives that the two shades of pink kill 
 each other. 
 
 Experience is the best teacher. Our 
 young friend resolves never again to buy a 
 hat in such a hurry. 
 
 268 
 
DRESS AND HOW TO WEAR IT 
 
 Girls who live in very quiet country places 
 and who receive very few invitations, some- 
 times make the mistake of appearing in the 
 street in costumes of very delicate colorsi, 
 suitable for receptions and for carriage 
 wear. It is true that in very hot weather, 
 light shades are permissible and even white 
 may be worn, because of its coolness. But 
 during the greater part of the year, quiet 
 colors should be worn in the street, especially 
 in the shopping or business part of a city. 
 
 On a fashionable promenade, it is per- 
 missible to wear lighter shades and brighter 
 colors. But if a girl appears in showy cos- 
 tume at a railway station or in business 
 thoroughfares, people will be very apt to say 
 to themselves, "That girl cannot have many 
 chances to show her clothes; if she did, she 
 would not wear them here." 
 
 We have already said that jewelry is very 
 sparingly used by young girls of good taste. 
 It is especially inappropriate for street or 
 travelling wear, for persons of all ages. For 
 the latter, we should select garments of 
 good material and of a color that does not 
 269 
 
BOYS, GIUIS AND MANNERS 
 
 soil easily. They should be well but sim- 
 ply made. An expensive white hat, dec- 
 orated with ostrich plumes, looks strangely 
 out of place on a railway train. 
 
 While we all wish to be suitably dressed, 
 we must carefully avoid wearing clothes 
 that are more expensive than we can afford. 
 There should be a certain harmony between' 
 our dress and our surroundings. A per- 
 son who lives in a very handsome house 
 can wear handsome clothes — ^provided they 
 are well-chosen — without offending our 
 sense of proportion. But if a woman who 
 lives in a small and modest apartment should 
 appear in such garments, the effect would be 
 inharmonious. A girl can if she pleases 
 wear all she possesses on her back, like the 
 snail or the tortoise. There is no law to 
 prevent her doing so, except the laws of 
 good taste! 
 
 The same rule of proportion forbids 
 our wearing a handsome and expensive 
 suit, with a cheap and shabby hat. Susan 
 should avoid spending so much money 
 on one article of dress, that she will not be 
 270 
 
DRESS AND HOW TO WEAR IT 
 
 able to buy the other parts of the costume 
 to correspond with it. With silk stockings 
 for instance, nice shoes are needed. 
 
 The smaller our income, the more careful 
 must we be in the selection of our wardrobe. 
 If Susan cannot spend much upon her 
 clothes, she should choose those that will 
 wear well and she should avoid the extremes 
 of fashion. We get almost all our modes 
 from Paris, yet many American girls do 
 not realize that very few French people at- 
 tempt to follow the last fashion. They 
 know the styles change so constantly that to 
 keep up with all of them would be simply 
 impossible, except for very rich women. 
 The French are people of excellent taste; 
 they take a great deal of pains to select 
 clothes that will be becoming and that will 
 follow the prevailing mode far enough to 
 prevent their looking odd or out-of-date. A 
 well-fitting suit made of good material and 
 in a fashion not too pronounced, may be 
 worn for several years, if the owner keeps 
 it clean, well-brushed and pressed. It will 
 look infinitely better even after it has been 
 271 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 worn some time than a brand-new suit of 
 poor stuff, badly made, even if the latter is 
 in the latest style. 
 
 The French woman is very careful, how- 
 ever, about the accessories of her toilette. 
 She selects nice gloves and shoes and she 
 takes time enough to put on all her clothes 
 in the right way, especially her hat and veil. 
 An old saying declares that the French 
 womaii puts on her gloves before she leaves 
 her room, the English woman as she is go- 
 ing out of the front door, and the Irish one 
 does not wear them at all! 
 
 "I dressed in fifteen minutes for the 
 dance this evening, Clara," said a young girl 
 to her cousin. 
 
 "Well, to tell the truth, you look as 
 though you had," replied Clara. It is an 
 excellent thing to be quick, but some girls 
 hurry so much that their clothes look as if 
 they had been thrown at them! 
 
 The reason we should avoid the extremes 
 of fashion is a three- fold one. 
 
 First, these are seldom becoming. A 
 very pretty or a very graceful girl who has 
 272 
 
DEESS AND HOW TO WEAR IT 
 
 a talent for dressing well, may be able to 
 carry off a rather extravagant style, but on 
 most young women it would look badly. 
 
 Second, a very decided fashion is apt to 
 attract the attention of the beholder at any 
 time. It is sure to do so after its vogue 
 has passed away. Now a lady does not like 
 to be stared at. Therefore, women of good 
 taste seldom adopt any very peculiar style. 
 They are not in haste to do so. The con- 
 sequence is that only a few persons wear 
 it, and it never becomes really fashionable. 
 Other extreme fads prevail to a certain ex- 
 tent for a time and then are dropped. If 
 Susan has been so unwise as to have a gown 
 made in a very bizarre style, she will prob- 
 ably be obliged to have it entirely altered 
 before it is half worn out. So our third 
 reason for avoiding the extremes of fashion, 
 is that they are usually short-lived and there- 
 fore expensive. 
 
 Nothing is more important in dress than 
 
 neatness and freshness. Tom and Susan 
 
 should early acquire the habit of taking good 
 
 care of their clothes. If they once become 
 
 278 
 
BOYS, 6IBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 accustomed to hanging coats and gowns up 
 on stretchers, instead of throwing these 
 down carelessly on a chair, if they form the 
 habit of shaking and brushing off their 
 clothing and of removing spots without de- 
 lay, it will really be very little trouble to do 
 so. It is now easy to buy electric irons 
 with which trousers, skirts and other gar- 
 ments can be pressed at home. These must 
 be used with care, however, for if Tom goes 
 away and forgets to turn off the current, 
 he may set the house on fire. 
 
 If our young people are obliged to econ- 
 omize in the matter of dress, it should not be 
 in fresh linen. ' Nothing looks so badly as 
 a soiled collar or a ruching that has grown 
 shabby. Artificial flowers that are crushed, 
 timibled or faded, have a forlorn appear- 
 ance. I have known ingenious girls who re- 
 stored roses to their original color by rub- 
 bing on a little rouge with a dry cloth, and 
 freshened their straw hats with a coat of 
 paint. 
 
 We should advise Tom to avoid very 
 striking patterns, such as strongly marked 
 274 
 
DRESS AND HOW TO WEAR IT 
 
 checks or plaids, and neckties of startling 
 colors. The last-named are occasionally 
 worn by young men of fashion. But the 
 style is usually short-lived. We should not 
 advise Tom to purchase a scarf of vivid hue 
 anywhere save at a man's furnishing store 
 of excellent standing. He will be wise to 
 confine himself to one tie of the sort. 
 
 With regard to perfumery, fashions vary 
 from time to time, but it is always thought 
 "bad form" to use heavy odors. Perfumes 
 should be delicate and only small quantities 
 should be employed. I called at a friend's 
 office, the other day, just as a heavily- 
 scented client was taking her departure. 
 When she had left, my friend said to his 
 clerk, "John, please turn on the electric 
 fan and get that perfume out of the office!" 
 It is a mistake to use several kinds of per- 
 fumery with different odors, at the same 
 time. 
 
 We hope Tom will not have a weakness 
 
 for jewelry. If he wears any, it shovild be of 
 
 sterling quality. Cheap, flashy jewelry 
 
 looks badly on a woman and even worse on 
 
 275 
 
BOYS, OIRIS AND MANNERS 
 
 a man, A seal-ring, watch fob or chain, 
 sleeve-links and scarf-pin are all that a well- 
 dressed man permits himself to use. In the 
 evening he may wear also handsome shirt 
 studs of small size. 
 
 276 
 
CHAPTER XXV 
 
 AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 SUSAN should' have her writing desk 
 supplied with ink that is either black 
 or that will become so when dry. 
 Purple and blue ink have gone out of style. 
 As it is now the fashion for women as well 
 as men to write a rather large hand, she 
 should select a pen that is not too fine. 
 
 The most important requisite for hand- 
 writing is that it shall be clear and legible. 
 If it is handsome also, so much the better. 
 A perfectly even, copperplate script is not 
 thought desirable, because it has no individ- 
 uality. Susan should try to improve and 
 perfect her natural style of writing rather 
 than to abandon it altogether. For busi- 
 ness correspondence, a clerical hand is ap- 
 propriate, although most letters of the kind 
 are now written with a typewriter. 
 
 Ruled paper is thought to be inelegant, 
 because it gives the impression that the per- 
 277 
 
BOTS, GIRLS AND lEANNEBS 
 
 son who uses it does not know how to write 
 straight. Bright colors and fancy shapes 
 in stationery are not in good taste. Plain, 
 white note paper of good quality, with 
 envelopes to match, never goes out of 
 fashion. Susan may, if she prefers, use 
 pale gray, blue or cream color. The 
 custom of having the address engraved 
 in plain, small letters, usually blue or 
 black, at the head of the sheet is a sen- 
 sible and convenient one. People living in 
 the country sometimes have the name of 
 their place in the middle, with that of the 
 Post Office and the number of the telephone 
 arranged in a slanting direction on either 
 side. Where the telegraph and express 
 have special addresses, these may be added. 
 
 Susan should have three kinds of paper 
 in her desk. She will need one or two pads 
 on which to write lists and make rough 
 draughts, a good grade of paper for her 
 ordinary correspondence and some smaU 
 sheets and envelopes of the best quality, for 
 invitations and the answers to them. 
 
 Some people do not think it proper to use 
 278 
 
AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 an eraser to remove a blot or to make a cor- 
 rection. One certainly should not do so in 
 a formal letter or invitation. If either of 
 these become blurred or defaced, a fresh 
 copy should be made. An invitation and 
 the answer to it should be without blemish. 
 But if Susan is writing a familiar letter to 
 a young friend or to a near relative, it 
 would be permissible to scratch out an occa- 
 sional blur. It is to be hoped, however, 
 that Susan has learned to write in a tidy 
 way. In Germany, children are most care- 
 fully drilled in this respect. At school no 
 slovenliness in writing, no dogs-earing nor 
 marring of the paper is permitted. 
 
 Susan will be careful to fold the sheets 
 neatly and to put them in the envelope right 
 side up, so that the recipient will not be 
 obliged to turn the letter around before she 
 can read it. Should it be necessary to use 
 paper that does not fit the envelope, Susan 
 should fold it so that it will fill the latter 
 nicely ,yet not so tightly as to make it impos- 
 sible to take out the letter without destroy- 
 ing the envelope. 
 
 279 
 
BOTS, OIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 The sign # for number and the word 
 "city" instead of the name of the place, are 
 sometimes seen on the envelopes of business 
 letters. They should never be used in so- 
 cial correspondence. We must write Phila- 
 delphia, Boston or whatever the name may 
 be. Since the Borough of Manhattan is the 
 legal appellation of New York City, it is 
 proper to address local letters simply to 
 "Manhattan." 
 
 Susan should remember to put her 
 friend's baptismal and family names with 
 the prefix "Miss" on the envelope. Inside 
 the letter, she may call the latter "Jennie" 
 or "Katy," but nicknames should be kept 
 for private use. We must not put them on 
 visiting-cards nor on envelopes. 
 
 The address on the latter should always 
 contain some prefix or afiix in business as 
 well as in social correspondence. Some peo- 
 ple imagine that because a man or a woman 
 is well-known, it is proper to address him 
 or her without any title. This is a mistake. 
 It is true that we sometimes speak of a dis- 
 tinguished author as Margaret Deland or 
 280 
 
AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 Howells. But if we should be introduced 
 to either of them, we would of course address 
 them as "Mrs. Deland" or "Mr. Howells." 
 Since writing is a more formal mode of com- 
 munication than speech, it is even more nec- 
 essary to give the proper title in the former 
 than in the latter. Thus in conversation, 
 one would say "Bishop Greer," but one 
 would address a letter to, 
 
 "The Right Reverend Thomas Greer, 
 D. D." 
 
 "Master" is the proper title for boys, but 
 as they begin to grow up, "Mr." or "Esq." 
 should be substituted. Formerly only per- 
 sons of a certain rank could claim the right 
 to be called "Esquire," but in our democratic 
 country we use the term very freely. 
 
 If Susan has occasion to write to a lady 
 whom she does not know, she may feel a 
 little puzzled about the proper way to ad- 
 address the latter. This will depend on the 
 nature of the letter. In social correspond- 
 ence, Susan would write, "My dear Mrs. 
 Ransome" or "Dear Mrs. Ransome." 
 Were she asking the character of a servant 
 281 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AITD MANNEBS 
 
 or trying to sell tickets for some charity, 
 she would use the same form, since these let- 
 ters belong under the general head of which 
 we are speaking. Were she writing to a 
 firm or to the editor of a magazine, she 
 would use the regular business opening, as 
 for instance: 
 
 "Messrs. Lord and Taylor, 
 .506 Broadway, 
 New York City. 
 Dear Sirs:" 
 
 or 
 "Miss Mary Phelps, 
 Editor of Chatterbox, 
 Boston, Massachusetts. 
 Dear Madam:" 
 
 If she were personally acquainted with the 
 editor, she could begin: 
 
 "My dear Miss Phelps." 
 
 In this case, she would write at the end of 
 the letter after her signature: 
 
 "To Miss Mary Phelps, Editor of Chatterbox, 
 Boston, Mass." 
 
 282 
 
AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 Were she sending a formal communication 
 of a business nature to the principal of her 
 school, she would write, "Dear Sir," prefac- 
 ing this with his name and title. 
 
 A less formal beginning would be as fol- 
 lows : 
 
 "Miss Mary Comwallis, 
 Dear Madam:" 
 
 If Tom were writing to a lady who was a 
 stranger to him, he would use this form. 
 
 The signature to a business letter may be, 
 "Yours very truly," "Yours truly," "Sin- 
 cerely yours," or "Very sincerely yours." 
 In writing to a person in high official posi- 
 tion, or to one much older than they, Tom 
 and Susan would sign themselves, "Yours 
 respectfully, Thomas (or Susan) X — " 
 
 In social correspondence Susan would 
 sign herself, "Sincerely yours," "Very sin- 
 cerely yours," or "Cordially yours." Tom 
 would use the same forms, except that he 
 would not employ the last in writing to a 
 lady, unless he knew her well. The young 
 people should always remember to write out 
 283 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 their address and sign their name in full. 
 It is troublesome to be obliged to hunt up a 
 previous letter in order to find the place to 
 which the answer should be sent. 
 
 If Tom or Susan is very much provoked 
 at a friend, it is to be hoped neither will write 
 taking him or her to task. Reproofs that 
 are written seem so much more severe than 
 those that are spoken! 
 
 Writing is cold, formal, permanent. If 
 a friend finds fault with us on paper and 
 takes the trouble to write down the whole 
 matter, we think he means it very seriously. 
 Some sentence woimds us very deeply. 
 We wonder just what the writer meant by 
 that and our feelings are much hurt. If 
 the same thing had been said to us it might 
 not have sounded half so badly. The tone 
 of voice would have helped to explain the 
 meaning of the speaker. If he h^^d said 
 something that we thought was unfair or 
 untrue, we could have pointed out his mis- 
 take and he would probably have modified 
 his judgment. A conscientious lawyer al- 
 ways tries to prevent his clients from 
 284 
 
AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 writing letters when they are angry, 
 for his experience has shown him the 
 unfortunate results of such a proceeding. 
 Therefore if Tom has any complaint to 
 make of a friend's conduct, in a letter, he 
 should put the case very, very mildly. For 
 he must remember that his meaning will be 
 magnified perhaps ten times by the mere 
 fact of its being written down. 
 
 Time is so precious in the twentieth cen- 
 tury that we must learn to write clear, con- 
 cise yet gracious letters. We would advise 
 our young friends to make a rough draught 
 of any letter of importance. They should 
 then go over this a second time to see where 
 they can abbreviate to good advantage, and 
 where words must be added. 
 
 Since a written commimication is always 
 more formal than a spoken one, Tom and 
 Susan must avoid writing in too familiar a 
 style to their elders, or to persons whom 
 they do not know well. In letters to their 
 young friends they may need to avoid the 
 other extreme, that of being too reserved. 
 They should read over a letter carefully be- 
 285 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 fore sending it, in order to make sure that 
 no neceissary word of explanation is omitted 
 and that their meaning is made clear. 
 
 A great deal of fiui is made of post- 
 scripts. To leave the most important mat- 
 ters out of the body of a letter and put them 
 in the postscript is certainly a mistake. 
 But it is perfectly proper to use this for the 
 purpose for which it was intended, namely 
 to mention something one has inadvertently 
 omitted. 
 
 If Susan is wise, she will not write let- 
 ters to the boys of her acquaintance. She 
 certainly should not do so without the 
 knowledge and permission of her mother. 
 Young men are sometimes so lacking in 
 gentlemanly feeling as to show such mis- 
 sives to their friends. It might trouble 
 Susan very much if some of her silly, school- 
 girl letters were kept for years by the re- 
 cipient, perhaps long after all friendly re- 
 lations had ceased between them. Yet just 
 such things have happened to friends of the 
 writer. 
 
 It is thought very inelegant to abbreviate 
 286 
 
AT THE WRITING DESK 
 
 words in writing. A young woman once 
 applied for a position as teacher, beginning 
 her letter as follows: 
 
 "Dear Mrs. Blank — I saw your ad in the pa- 
 pers and hasten to write to you with regard to it." 
 
 It is perhaps needless to say that she was 
 not added to the faculty of the school. 
 
 "Y'rs aff'ly" is much better written out 
 "Yours affectionately." It is the fashion 
 at the present time to write out dates and 
 street numbers in full, instead of using fig- 
 ures. This style should not be carried to 
 an extreme, however. The year should be 
 given in figures, and it is better to use these 
 for an address where the number is very 
 long. 
 
 In writing for information on a matter 
 of business which concerns himself, Tom 
 should enclose a stamp for a reply. If he 
 were inquiring from the dealers the price 
 of an article, it would not be necessary to do 
 so, because if he should decide to make the 
 purchase, his correspondents would reap a 
 profit. 
 
 287 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 A request for an autograph should al- 
 ways contain- a stamped envelope addressed 
 to the person asking the favor. It is a 
 good plan to enclose a blank card also. 
 While many distinguished persons are will- 
 ing to sign their names for an autograph col- 
 lection, they seldom have the time or the in- 
 clination to do more. To ask a man or a 
 woman to whom one is an entire stranger, 
 to copy a verse or a poem, is not a proper 
 thing to do. 
 
 288 
 
CHAPTER XXVI 
 
 INVITATIONS AND ANSWERS 
 
 WRITTEN invitations are less 
 used now than formerly. 
 Friends often ask each other to 
 lunch, play cards, go to the theatre, etc., 
 over the telephone, while for large and for- 
 mal occasions cards are especially engraved. 
 For an informal afternoon tea, Susan may 
 use her visiting card, if she has one, putting 
 beneath her name, "Will be at home" or "At 
 home on Tuesday, January fourteenth, 
 from four to six o'clock." If she is asking 
 any young men, she should use her mother's 
 card, placing her own name under it. A 
 young girl does not invite gentlemen in her 
 own, but always in her mother's name. 
 Thus if she were writing, she would word 
 the note somewhat after this fashion: "My 
 dear Mr. Sedgwick: I write in my mother's 
 name to say that it would give us pleasure 
 289 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 to see you here on Tuesday evening, Jan- 
 uary fourteenth, at eight o'clock. We are 
 asking a few friends for a small informal 
 dance at that time, and hope you may be 
 able to come. Sincerely yours, Janet Mere- 
 dith." 
 
 If her mother were dead, she could write: 
 "It would give Father and me much pleas- 
 ure, etc." Every one should learn to word 
 an invitation and the answer to it in the 
 proper way, because there are always occa- 
 sions when the written note is a necessity. 
 Such a note should be gracious, but it should 
 neither be discursive nor unnecessarily long. 
 Unless one is writing to an intimate friend, 
 one should confine the text of the letter to 
 the subject in hand, namely the invitation. 
 Both the day of the week and the day of 
 the month of the projected entertainment 
 should be given, to avoid possible mistakes. 
 We must never use the abbreviations "a. m." 
 and "p. M." in an invitation, but always 
 "o'clock," adding morning or evening where 
 there is danger of confusion. 
 
 A written invitation must always be ac- 
 290 
 
INVITATIONS AND ANSWERS 
 
 knowledged by a written answer. If Susan 
 has been asked to a lunch party at Mary 
 Jones' house and meets the latter in the 
 street, she will doubtless tell her young 
 friend that she will come with pleasure. 
 But she must not add, "Now that I've seen 
 you, you will not want me to take the 
 trouble to send you a note," for that would 
 not be polite. If Mary has taken the time 
 to write the invitation, Susan can surely 
 spare time to reply in due form. It is well 
 to repeat the day and for any sit-down af- 
 fair the hour also. 
 
 The answer should always correspond in 
 form with the invitation. We should there- 
 fore have the latter before us when we write 
 the reply. If Mrs. Jones invites Tom in 
 the first and second persons, he must accept 
 or send his regrets as the case may demand, 
 in the first and second persons also. If the 
 invitation is a formal one it will be in the 
 third person and Tom's answer must use 
 that also. It is never allowable to mix the 
 two forms in a written invitation or answer. 
 On engraved cards custom permits us to 
 291 
 
BOTS, 6IBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 do so, because otherwise it would be neces- 
 sary to fill in all the names in writing. 
 Therefore the formula, "Mrs. Francis Tay- 
 lor requests the pleasure of your company," 
 is often used by the engraver, although it 
 is thought more elegant to leave a space and 
 put in the name of the person asked. 
 
 Mrs. James Danforth Jones 
 
 requests the pleasure of your company 
 
 on Wednesday evening, February the fourteenth, 
 
 at eight o'clock 
 Dancing Five West Sixteenth Street. 
 
 R. S. V. P. 
 
 The following would be a proper answer 
 to the above: 
 
 Mr. Thomas X 
 
 accepts with pleasure 
 
 (Or regrets very much his inability to accept) 
 
 the kind invitation of 
 
 Mrs. James Danforth Jones 
 
 for Wednesday evening, February the fourteenth, 
 
 at eight o'clock 
 
 In writing or answering a formal invita- 
 tion, Susan and Tom should take great 
 pains to arrange the matter correctly on a 
 single page. The name of the writer must 
 292 
 
INVITATIONS AND ANSWEES 
 
 occupy one line, that of the person addressed 
 another and the date of the entertainment 
 a third, as they would in an engraved form. 
 A good wide space should be left at the top 
 of the page, a smaller one at the bottom 
 and a margin on the left side. It is a good 
 plan to make a rough draft beforehand on 
 a sheet of paper of the required size. This 
 is especially desirable where the name is 
 very long and therefore difficult to squeeze 
 into a single line. A proper answer to 
 the informal invitation given above would 
 be: 
 
 My dear Miss Meredith: 
 
 I will come to your dance on Tuesday evening, 
 January fourteenth, with great pleasure. It is 
 very kind of your mother to ask me. 
 
 Sincerely yours, 
 
 Thomas Sedgwick. 
 
 or 
 
 My dear Miss Meredith: 
 
 Please thank your mother very much for so 
 kindly remembering me. It would give me great 
 pleasure to accept her kind invitation, were I to 
 
 293 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 be in town on the fourteenth of January. Un- 
 fortunately, I start for the West on the twelfth. 
 With many regrets, I remain 
 
 Sincerely yours, etc. 
 
 The answer to an invitation must always 
 be sent to the person who gives it. If Tom 
 receives cards for the wedding of his former 
 teacher, these will doubtless be made out in 
 the name of her parents. They may be en- 
 tire strangers to him. Nevertheless as it is 
 they who invite him, his acknowledgment 
 must be made to Mr. and Mrs. Arthur 
 Montmorency and not to his old friend, 
 their daughter. To the latter he may like 
 to send a personal note or a wedding gift, 
 or both. 
 
 We have said that a written invitation 
 calls for a written answer. It may be said 
 that all invitations should be acknowledged 
 in some way. When a friend or an ac- 
 quaintance is so courteous as to offer us hos- 
 pitality of any kind, we must not ignore it; 
 if we do, we show ourselves lacking in good 
 manners. What our response shall be, will 
 depend on the form of the invitation. 
 294 
 
INVITATIONS AND ANSWERS 
 
 Wherever any one, "Requests the pleasure," 
 we must accept or regret, but never de- 
 chne. It would be ungracious to use that 
 expression. We acknowledge an invitation 
 in the "At Home" form by means of a vis- 
 iting-card, where the affair takes place in 
 the afternoon. This we leave on the hall- 
 table or in a salver handed to us for the pur- 
 pose, if we go to the tea. If we cannot do 
 so, we send a card enclosed in a small en- 
 velope to the person giving the reception. 
 We should mail this in time to reach the 
 house on the day of the event. If, at the 
 last moment, Susan is prevented from going, 
 she should send her card, nevertheless, even 
 though it may not be received until next 
 day. As evening affairs are usually more 
 formal than those given in the afternoon, 
 many persons send an answer, even though 
 the "At Home" form is used. Others only 
 send cards. 
 
 If Susan and Tom are invited to a wed- 
 ding at church but not to the reception, 
 they will send their cards in acknowledg- 
 ment, especially if they are unable to be pres- 
 295 
 
BOYS, OIBIS AND MANNERS 
 
 ent. If they do go, it is not so necessary. 
 Tom would send two cards to the parents 
 of the bride or other relatives giving the in- 
 vitation. Susan would send only one card 
 for the lady, who would usually be the 
 mother. A young girl would not of course 
 call upon a gentleman, therefore she would 
 not send her card to him, since that is, in 
 a certain sense, the substitute for a visit. 
 
 It is not thought "good form" to write 
 "regrets" nor indeed any message on a visit- 
 ing card sent in acknowledgment of an in- 
 vitation. If Susan wishes particularly to ex- 
 press her regret, she can easily do so in a 
 short note enclosed with her card. 
 
 For a small house wedding or wedding 
 breakfast, an answer should be sent 
 promptly. An invitation to a dinner calls 
 for a reply within twenty-four hours. In- 
 deed a proper consideration for the hostess 
 demands that we shall send an answer with 
 as little delay as possible when we are in- 
 vited to a lunch or any sit-down affair where 
 it is important for her to know how many 
 are coming. Some people are very selfish 
 296 
 
INVITATIONS AND ANSWERS 
 
 in this respect. Perhaps Tom does not 
 want to go unless his friend Charlie is to be 
 of the party, or he thinks he'll wait to see 
 if he receives some invitation he likes bet- 
 ter, So he delays and delays, then at the 
 last moment his courage fails him and he 
 sends word he can not go. The result is 
 that there is one extra girl at the dinner and 
 at the little dance following it. The young 
 hostess naturally feels provoked with Tom 
 for spoiling her party. She tells the others 
 just how it all happened. Next time one 
 of the girls gives a dinner, she does not ask 
 him. His feelings are terribly hurt, but is 
 any one to blame except Tom himself? 
 
 Boys and girls who are going to school 
 are not expected to make many formal 
 visits. They should remember, however, 
 that as a rule, an invitation to an entertain- 
 ment should be acknowledged by a call on 
 the person giving it. In the case of a 
 church wedding or an informal afternoon 
 tea, a card sent through the mail may be 
 substituted for a visit. After a dinner, a 
 call should be made in person, within one or 
 297 
 
BOYS, GIBIS AND MANNEBS 
 
 two weeks of the event. After a dance, 
 theatre, card or other party, Tom and Su- 
 san should pay the necessary "party call." 
 When the host is a young man, girls do not, 
 of course, make this visit. If, however, his 
 mother has been the hostess, they may very 
 properly call on her, leaving a card if she is 
 not at home, or if she is not receiving visitors 
 on that day. 
 
 298 
 
CHAPTER XXVII 
 
 HINTS FOE THE YOUNG HOSTESS 
 
 OUR young hostess should never lose 
 sight of the fact that the founda- 
 tion of all true hospitahty is the 
 desire to give pleasure to our friends and to 
 ourselves. If we ask them in order to show 
 off some fine new china or expensive 
 clothes or merely because they have invited 
 us, neither they nor we are likely to enjoy 
 the occasion. 
 
 A certain resident of New York was 
 greatly pleased because her son made her a 
 present of a handsome -set of parlor furni- 
 ture. He had grown rich quite suddenly 
 and their style of living had changed. They 
 sent out cards for a large reception, after 
 the new chairs and sofas had arrived. 
 When the mother saw them, she said, "Oh, 
 John' — ^mayn't I leave the tags on? I do 
 want people to know what a high" price you 
 paid for all these fine things!" 
 299 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNEES 
 
 "Oh, dear no, Mother, that would never 
 do! Every one would laugh at us and say 
 we had asked them in order to display the 
 furniture," replied John. 
 
 This poor, dear lady did not realize how 
 vulgar and boastful it would have appeared, 
 had she allowed the labels to remain. She 
 knew little about social usages. It was 
 pride in her son, rather than a desire for 
 ostentation, that led her to make the pro- 
 posal. Yet in reality both he and she were 
 asking people, "To meet our new chairs and 
 sofas," just as much as if they had said so 
 in the invitations! 
 
 Does some one here ask, "May we not in- 
 vite our friends to rejoice with us, in our 
 good fortune?" Certainly we may, if we 
 do so in the right spirit. When we move 
 into a new abode, we give a house-warming 
 and ask our friends and neighbors. No 
 matter how powerful a furnace or how much 
 steam heat we may have, our dwelling will 
 be but a cold place, if no generous fire of 
 hospitality glows upon the hearth. So we 
 invite people, partly to show them our 
 300 
 
HINTS FOR THE YOUNG HOSTESS 
 
 new home, but principally because their 
 cheerful presence will warm our hearts as 
 no radiators can. 
 
 While our young hostess should always 
 remember that the guests are the most im- 
 portant part of the entertainment, yet for 
 that very reason she will not wish to send 
 for them under circumstances which would 
 give them more trouble than pleasure. 
 Thus a girl who lives many miles from the 
 dty, will hesitate to ask friends living there 
 to spend the day with her, unless she has 
 some especial attraction to offer. She will 
 think it would hardly repay them to take the 
 long railroad journey involving so much 
 fatigue, for so short a stay. But if there is 
 to be some interesting event in the neigh- 
 borhood, an amateur circus for instance, she 
 will venture to ask them. 
 
 In this case, however, our young hostess 
 hesitates, not from any lack of hospitality 
 but rather out of consideration for her 
 friends. If she wishes to ask those living at 
 a distance, the invitation should usually 
 be for a week-end or for some period 
 301 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND Il&NNESS 
 
 long enough to make the trip worth 
 while. 
 
 A young hostess who wants to entertain 
 well must expect to devote some thought to 
 the matter and to make her preparations 
 some time in advance. She will find it a 
 good plan to write out beforehand a full list 
 of all the things that will be needed. It 
 would be very unfortunate to invite friends 
 to a candy-pulling or a fudge-party and 
 then discover, after they had arrived, that 
 there was not enough molasses in the house 
 or that it was of the wrong kind! 
 
 It is best for an inexperienced person to 
 begin on a small scale. The first time 
 Susan asks any girls to lunch with her, we 
 would advise her to limit the number to four 
 or six, including herself. If she knows 
 them all well, this wUl be an advantage, 
 since they will more readily excuse mistakes 
 than strangers would. The lunch should 
 not be so elaborate that Susan will have dif- 
 ficulty in managing it. It is always unfor- 
 tunate to attempt more than we can carry 
 out well. If thiere is no regular waitress 
 302 
 
HINTS FOR THE YOUNG HOSTESS 
 
 in the house, our young friend should attend 
 to the setting of the table before her guests 
 arrive. She should have the plates for the 
 dessert with the finger bowls, spoons, knives 
 and forks or whatever may be needed for 
 the sweet course, set out on the sideboard. 
 It is also well to place some additional silver 
 there, in case it should be needed. The 
 preparations may be as dainty as she 
 likes. 
 
 If it is necessary for her to wait upon her 
 friends, she should do so quietly and simply 
 without making any elaborate apology. 
 She may say if she pleases, "You see I'm 
 playing Bridget to-day, I hope you'll like 
 j^our new waitress," or something of the sort. 
 A. merry, informal meal is often a very 
 pleasant affair. 
 
 A hostess should not try experiments 
 on her friends. If she is uncertain 
 how a game should be played or how a dish 
 should be cooked, she should make her first 
 attempts when no guests are present. We 
 do not mean to advise her to sacrifice her 
 own family. She can, however, prepare the 
 303 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 new dish for some meal when the bill-of-f are 
 contains enough other articles to satisfy the 
 appetite of the members of the household, 
 should Susan's venture prove a failure. 
 
 Our young hostess may feel troubled be- 
 cause she cannot afford to buy expensive 
 dishes from the caterer, or because she lives 
 so far from the city that it is not possible 
 to do so. In the latter case she should re- 
 member that country products — cream, but- 
 ter, eggs, chickens and vegetables^^-will be 
 much appreciated by her friends from town. 
 True, all these things can be bought in the 
 city, but transportation diminishes their 
 freshness and injures their flavor. 
 
 While articles ordered from a first-class 
 caterer are undeniably excellent, there is a 
 sameness about them of which people grow 
 tired much sooner than they do of good 
 home-cooking. If Susan has learned to 
 make some special dishes that are a little 
 tmusual and good of their kind, she may 
 find that her guests will enjoy these more 
 than the stereotyped articles to which they 
 are accustomed. The English newspaper 
 304 
 
HINTS FOR THE YOUNG HOSTESS 
 
 Punch has a cartoon showing an incensed 
 old gentleman who has been asked out to 
 dine many times by different relatives, yet 
 all give him the same bill-of-fare. He ex- 
 claims angrily, "This is the twelfth time dur- 
 ing the last two weeks that I have been of- 
 fered saddle of mutton and roast turkey! 
 I will not stand it any longer!" 
 
 If we can contrive to give our menu a 
 little individuality, to make it somewhat dif- 
 ferent from the ordinary run, this feature 
 will be appreciated. In the same way 
 hospitality which has a character of its own 
 is always desirable. In our desire for 
 novelty, however, we must not run into 
 eccentricity. A certain hostess who was 
 noted for the oddity of her entertainments, 
 once gave a party where all the guests were 
 obliged either to stand or to sit upon the 
 floor. She had taken away all the chairs 
 in order to give her guests a new sensation ! 
 
 They certainly had it, but the occasion was 
 
 not a success. A hostess should carefully 
 
 provide for the comfort and pleasure of her 
 
 guests. They must have plenty of room 
 
 S05 
 
BOTS, GIBIS AND ]V[ANNERS 
 
 and the apartments must neither be too hot 
 nor too cold. The refreshments should be 
 good of their kind, however simple they may 
 be. 
 
 If she can entertain her friends with some 
 novelty also, so much the better. But she 
 must not sacrifice their comfort with the idea 
 that this in itself will amuse them, for it is 
 very unlikely to do so. 
 
 306 
 
CHAPTER XXVIII 
 
 INTRODUCTIONS 
 
 IN making introductions the younger 
 person is presented to the elder and a 
 man or boy is presented to a lady. For 
 this purpose he should be brought up to the 
 latter, she should not be taken to him. Ac- 
 cording to the old rule her permission should 
 always be asked before a gentleman is for- 
 mally introduced to her. But at many 
 dances this rule is no longer observed, so 
 far as dancing partners are concerned. 
 
 They are brought up and presented to the 
 young girl, without asking her leave. This 
 is only permissible at a private or subscrip- 
 tion entertainment. It would not be accord- 
 ing to good form at a public ball. 
 
 The usual formula is, "Miss Anderson, 
 may I introduce Mr. Zerega?" 
 
 In the case of a sister, a young girl would 
 call her by her first, not by her last name. 
 307 
 
BOTS, OIBLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 She would not leave the young man in the 
 dark, however, as to the identity of the young 
 woman. She could either say to him before- 
 hand, "I want to introduce you to my sis- 
 ter," or she could add a word of explanation 
 to the same effect afterwards. 
 
 Susan should learn to distinguish between 
 formal and informal presentations. The lat- 
 ter are often made in order to avoid awk- 
 wardness. Thus if she were standing with 
 another girl, or they were walking together 
 and a young man of her acquaintance should 
 ask leave to join her, Susan would introduce 
 him to her friend. The latter would prob- 
 ably have neither time nor opportunity to 
 talk with him. In the case of a street in- 
 troduction of this sort, it would not be nec- 
 essary for the young girl to bow to the man 
 afterwards, unless she wished to do so. 
 
 When introducing two ladies or two men 
 or boys, it is sufficient to give the two names 
 without any preface. Where one person 
 is evidently older than the other, Susan 
 should look at and address the elder. 
 
 She may either say, "Miss Senior, this 
 308 
 
INTRODUCTIONS 
 
 is Miss Junior," or, "Miss Junior, Miss 
 Senior," the accent of the voice showing that 
 it is the younger who is presented to the 
 older person. If there appears to be little 
 or no difference in age, Susan will pro- 
 nounce both names in the same tone of voice. 
 While our young friend will wish to learn 
 to make introductions in a graceful way, 
 she need not feel badly if she is rather 
 clumsy about it in the beginning. A young 
 girl cannot be expected to have the skill in 
 these matters which practice alone can give. 
 Susan should endeavor to pronounce the 
 names very distinctly and to make the in- 
 troductions without unnecessary delay, since 
 it is awkward for people to stand waiting. 
 
 Men and boys shake hands with each 
 other when introduced. A lady rises when 
 another is presented to her. If she wishes 
 to be especially cordial, or if her new ac- 
 quaintance is a friend of some person with 
 whom she is intimate, she will offer her hand. 
 In her own house she will always do so, in 
 her quality of hostess. An older woman 
 would not need to rise if a young girl were 
 309 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 presented to her, but she would probably 
 show her kindly feeling toward the latter 
 by shaking hands. It is a pretty, although 
 not a universal custom, for a girl to curtsy 
 when taking the hand of an older lady. 
 
 Whether Susan should greet in this way 
 a girl of her own age who was introduced to 
 her, would depend upon circumstances. If 
 the latter were a stranger making a visit in 
 Susan's home town, it would be cordial to 
 shake hands with her and thus bid her wel- 
 come. Should our young friend be stay- 
 ing in another city, she might properly ex- 
 pect that those living there would take the 
 initiative. If the two girls had mutual 
 friends or interests in common, if they were 
 both members of the King's Daughters, for 
 instance, they would shake hands. On very 
 formal occasions and in what we may call 
 formal society, a new acquaintance would 
 only bow to Susan. Shaking hands is so 
 common in this country, that we may call it 
 a pleasant American habit. It is not so gen- 
 eral among women, however, as among men. 
 A lady has the privilege of giving or with- 
 310 
 
INTEODTJCTIONS 
 
 holding her hand, when a man or a boy is pre- 
 sented to her. They should wait for her to 
 make the first overture. Should either of 
 them hold out his hand, however, a kind- 
 hearted woman would, under ordinary cir- 
 cumstances, take it, in order that he might 
 not feel embarrassed. 
 
 It is thought best to avoid wholesale in- 
 troductions. Some people, with the kindest 
 intentions in the world, will introduce a 
 stranger when she enters the room to all the 
 persons in it. They forget that this is very 
 awkward for the new-comer. She does not 
 know to whom the different names belong 
 and she bows in the wrong direction. If she 
 is at all bashful, the situation is very trying 
 to her composure. It is better to introduce 
 one or two persons to her at a time. 
 
 Should Susan be giving a tea for a young 
 friend staying under her parents' roof, the 
 two girls may take up a position together 
 at a convenient distance from the door of en- 
 trance to the room. The young hostess will 
 stand nearest the latter, in order that she 
 may greet the guests first. After shaking 
 311 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNERS 
 
 hands with each one, she will present her 
 to the friend from out-of-town. This 
 arrangement sounds rather formal, but it is 
 in reality the simplest and easiest thing to 
 do, where many persons are expected. 
 
 If there is a meeting or lecture at the 
 house, Susan may wish to introduce the 
 guests to the speaker at its close. In this 
 case she may bring them up one by one, or 
 she may announce that Miss So-and-So will 
 be glad to meet the girls personally. Susan 
 will then stand near the guest of honor and 
 present her friends as they come up. Or- 
 dinarily both names are mentioned in mak- 
 ing an introduction, as we have seen, but 
 since the speaker has already been introduced 
 to her audience, it is not necessary to repeat 
 her name to each person. It will suffice for 
 Susan to say, "May I introduce Miss 
 Jones"? In order to avoid the constant 
 repetition of the same formula, she may 
 change it and say, "This is Miss Bradwell," 
 or "Miss Bradwell is anxious to make your 
 acquaintance." 
 
 The wholesale form of introduction is 
 312 
 
INTEODTICTIONS 
 
 often used at a dinner-table at a boarding- 
 school or other large establishment, where 
 the number present at it is not too large. 
 The names are mentioned in the order in 
 which the people are seated. The guest 
 thus will have little trouble in identifying the 
 person introduced, and he or she bows to 
 each individual as his name is mentioned. 
 As we have already stated, modem custom 
 does not favor general introductions, but for 
 the sake of convenience and in order to make 
 the guest feel at home, they are still used 
 under the circumstances just described. 
 
 While it is always best to introduce peo- 
 ple where this is necessary to avoid awk- 
 wardness, an old rule tells us that we should 
 not formally present to each other two ladies 
 living in the same town, without asking the 
 leave of both. The reason for this rule is 
 obvious. People of the very exclusive sort 
 dislike to make new acquaintances, especially 
 where this may involve the extension of 
 their visiting-circle, as it would be apt to do 
 in the case of a fellow towns-woman. If the 
 two ladies in question had wished to know 
 313 
 
BOYS, GIBLS AND IVEANNERS 
 
 each other, they would probably have been 
 introduced before. Should both be friends 
 of Susan and should she want them to know 
 each other, she should consult them sepa- 
 rately. If both consent to the introduction, 
 the younger should be brought up to the 
 elder; an unmarried girl should be taken up 
 to a married woman. Or Susan could wait 
 until her friends were standing near one 
 another. 
 
 A hostess is always at liberty to introduce 
 people beneath her roof, without asking 
 leave. Even when she is away from home, 
 however, Susan may introduce, if she 
 pleases, her mother, sister or other near rel- 
 ative. Thus if she were standing with her 
 mother and a friend came up to speak to 
 her, she would make the introduction. 
 Should her two friends be members of 
 the same club or society, she could make 
 them acquainted without asking leave. 
 
 314 
 
CHAPTER XXIX 
 
 CLASS-DAY AND COMMENCEMENT FESTIVITIES 
 
 DO we value intellectual culture less 
 and social recreation more than 
 our parents and grandparents did? 
 
 It would sometimes seem so, when we see 
 college students neglecting their lessons im- 
 til the last possible moment. A final agony 
 of cramming is then resorted to, in order that 
 the careless young man may be able just to 
 "squeeze through" his last examinations. 
 This is grist, to be sure, to the mill of the 
 clever but poor student, who coaches his 
 lazy fellows and so earns the money to pay 
 his own term-bills. All parties come out ex- 
 hausted, however, from this forced draught 
 proceeding, which would be farcical were it 
 not so tragic. Surely the authorities of our 
 universities should not allow the examina- 
 tions to become such travesties! 
 
 In the meantime the pleasant social do- 
 315 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 ings connected with graduation have grown 
 in number until they cover several days or 
 even a week. The Senior's parents and sis- 
 ter will want to see all that they can of these 
 college gayeties. We cannot expect him to 
 be particularly enthusiastic about the com- 
 ing of the former, although if he is a dutiful 
 son, he will remember that his college career 
 has been a source of considerable expense 
 to them. The arrival of the sister he takes 
 more cheerfully, remembering that other 
 fellows will bring their sisters too. If his 
 relations come from a distance, our Senior 
 should engage rooms for them in good sea- 
 son at a hotel or boarding-house. 
 
 At Cornell and some other colleges the 
 Fraternity Houses are placed at the dis- 
 posal of the feminine guests from other cit- 
 ies. 
 
 There are always one or more chaperons 
 in charge of the young women visitors. 
 The former must be persons of dignity and 
 of a certain age. What we may call, "A 
 make-believe chaperon," a frivolous and flir- 
 tatious young married woman, should never 
 316 
 
CtASS-DAY AND COMMENCEMENT FESTIVITIES 
 
 be entrusted with the care of young girls. 
 It would be in the worst possible taste to 
 allow such a person to be at the head of a 
 party of young people at a Fraternity 
 House. 
 
 The older ladies arrive before the girls 
 who are to be under their charge, unless all 
 come together. According to this pleasant 
 system, every student can ask his "best girl" 
 for the period of gayeties. He goes to the 
 station to meet her and accompanies her to 
 the Fraternity House, where he leaves her 
 in the care of the chaperon. 
 
 At a college where no such custom pre- 
 vails, papa and mamma sometimes ask their 
 son's special friend to accompany them. A 
 Senior should not attempt, however, to en- 
 tertain too large a visiting party. If he 
 does, they may be a great incubus on his 
 hands, especially if they are strangers in 
 the locality and therefore unable readily to 
 find their way about alone. He may also 
 have difficulty in securing enough tickets to 
 admit all to the various athletic and social 
 events. 
 
 317 
 
BOYS, GIRLS AND MANNEBS 
 
 To make the visit of his friends a success, 
 these tickets must be secured and all the ar- 
 rangements completed some time in ad- 
 vance. 
 
 The young people staying at a Fraternity 
 House should remember that they are in 
 reality guests in a private dwelling which 
 has been placed at their disposal for the 
 time being. Hence they must never forget 
 the courtesy and consideration which a well- 
 bred visitor is always expected to show. 
 They must never behave as if they were at 
 a hotel where the guest can order what he 
 pleases and where aU things are syste- 
 niatically planned for the convenience of 
 the travelling public. 
 
 Since the Fraternity House is, under or- 
 dinary circumstances, a bachelor establish- 
 ment, the supplies may not be so large as 
 they would be in a household under feminine 
 management. 
 
 There may not be so much hot water for 
 
 instance or so large a number of towels as 
 
 the girls might have in their own homes. 
 
 Thoughtful girls will bear these things in 
 
 318 
 
CLASS-DAY AND COMMENCEMENT FESTIVITIES 
 
 mind and will remember that they are, in a 
 way, camping out. I have heard of careless 
 or selfish young women who put the chap- 
 eron to great inconvenience by neglecting 
 what would seem to be the self-evident rules 
 of courtesy, under the circumstances. 
 
 To throw a towel on the floor after wip- 
 ing her hands once upon it, thus using up 
 promptly all that have been furnished her, 
 is a thing that should not be done by a guest 
 at a private house. 
 
 To the lady at the head of the party, the 
 young guests should be especially consider- 
 ate and attentive. They owe the pleasure 
 of their visit to the college town to her, as 
 well as to the young men. Had she not 
 kindly consented to matronize them, it 
 would not have been possible for them to 
 stay at the Fraternity House. Hence they 
 should be most careful to obey her injunc- 
 tions. They should take special pains to 
 reach in good season the rendezvous she 
 names. If she has arranged that all shall 
 go home together from some dance at a cer- 
 tain time, it would be very thoughtless and 
 319 
 
BOTS, OIRIS AND lEANNEBS 
 
 unkind to keep her up an hour later, when 
 she is probably very tired already with the 
 fatigues of a day spent in a round of fes- 
 tivities. For these reasons it is a good plan 
 to have two older ladies in the party, so that 
 one may relieve the other. 
 
 A kind-hearted chaperon hkes to see 
 young people having a good time and wiU 
 not be too strict with them. But having 
 once arranged certain hours, she will make 
 a great effort to have her young charges 
 keep to these. Where there is a large party, 
 it upsets all arrangements and interferes 
 with everybody's comfort, if one or two 
 members are unpunctual. As we stated in 
 an earlier chapter, the experience of royal 
 courts has demonstrated the impossibility of 
 conducting social matters in due form — ^un- 
 less all are exact as to time. 
 
 In addition to his family and other guests 
 for Commencement week, our Senior may 
 wish to ask some friends for the single oc- 
 casions that make up the graduation festiv- 
 ities. 
 
 If he belongs to any club or chapter, he 
 320 
 
CLASS-DAY AND COMMENCEMENT FESTIVITIES 
 
 will probably join with the other members 
 in giving a "spread." These spreads are 
 often very elegant occasions. Engraved in- 
 vitations are sent out with the names of all 
 the students thus combining, unless their 
 number is too large to make this advisable. 
 The name of the secretary or other person 
 to whom the answer should be sent, should 
 also be given. When inviting ladies, gentle- 
 men must never describe themselves as, "At 
 Home." That privilege belongs to women 
 alone. Men "request the honor" or "the 
 pleasure of So-and So's company." The 
 phrase, "The favor of an answer is re- 
 quested," may be placed at the foot of the 
 page. Sometimes the student encloses his 
 individual card, to show that the invitation 
 comes from him. 
 
 Where the admission to the College Yard 
 is by ticket only, as at Harvard, it is neces- 
 sary for guests to answer the invitations 
 promptly. Cards of entrance are then sent 
 to all who accept. 
 
 For a large spread of this sort, the serv- 
 ices of a caterer are secured and a number 
 321 
 
BOTS, OIBLS AND MANNERS 
 
 of ladies are asked to act as chaperons. If 
 the affair is to take place in the evening, the 
 names of the latter appear on the invitation. 
 They assist the young men in receiving 
 guests and their presence adds dignity to 
 the occasion. 
 
 For the Senior or other formal dance in 
 the evening, women of position and influence 
 are invited to be patronesses, their names be- 
 ing inscribed on the invitations. It is usual 
 on these occasions for the young men to fill 
 out beforehand the dance cards of the girls 
 whom they ask. By a pleasant system of 
 exchange, it is agreed that Jones shall put 
 his name down on the card which Smith is 
 arranging for his sister, the latter returning 
 the compliment in the case of Jones* sister 
 or cousin. As a rule, young women do not 
 attend any occasions at a man's college, un- 
 less they have a chaperon in the party. But 
 an exception is made in the case of the for- 
 mal dances of which we have spoken, when 
 the space is very limited. It is then under- 
 stood that the patronesses have charge 
 of the young women guests. The latter go 
 with their brothers or with a maid-servant. 
 322 
 
CLASS-DAY AND COMMENCEMENT FESTIVITIES 
 
 Or several girls go together. Where the 
 dance is given in a theatre or some other 
 place large enough to accommodate parents 
 as well as dancers, these go with their 
 daughters. 
 
 Young men who do not belong to any 
 club or society sometimes unite together, 
 two or three ov more giving a spread either 
 in their own rooms, or in those which the 
 younger classmen obligingly place at the dis- 
 posal of the Seniors. These may be very 
 simple and informal occasions and all the 
 more enjoyable on that account. 
 
 If the student is so fortunate as to have 
 sisters, they may help him with his prepara- 
 tions and the whole be made a very merry 
 affair. Sandwiches, cake and lemonade or 
 "Ladies' pimch" make a sufficient bill of fare 
 for a spread of this sort. A dressing-room 
 should if possible be arranged for the ladies, 
 where they can find pins, needles and thread 
 and facilities for washing the hands. T-he 
 students arrange to have their mothers, or 
 if these live too far away, then other married 
 ladies act as chaperons at the spread. 
 
 Florence Howe Hall. 
 323