George Washington Flowers Memorial Collection DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY ESTABLISHED BY THE FAMILY OF COLONEL FLOWERS He1rrenient.ru i ;i I .|nn-i . Ai.n.l -.hip, noulcs, Eau and al 'irlm:,;iiirl gnproi iirg ili-;n en . ////•//// / //,;■/, i B40. Digitized by the Internet Archive in 2011 with funding from Duke University Libraries http://www.archive.org/details/youngwomansguideOOalco THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE EXCELLENCE. BY WILLIAM A. ALCOTT, Author of tlio Young Man's Guide, Young Husband, Young Wife, House I Live In, &.c. BOSTON: GEORGE W. LIGHT, 1 CORNHILL. New York : — 126 Fulton Street. 1840. Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1839, by Wm. A. Alcott, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court of Massachusetts. PREFACE This work was begun, soon after the ap- pearance of the Young Man's Guide — and was partially announced to the public. For reasons, however, which I have not room to give in this place, it was thought proper to defer its publication till the appearance of several other volumes in the same spirit, involving more particularly the relative du- ties. I wish to have it distinctly understood, that I do not propose to give a complete manual of the social and moral duties of young women. Every one has his own way of looking at things, and I have mine. Some of the duties of young women have appeared to me to receive from other writers less attention than their comparative importance demands; and 4 PREFACE. others — especially those which are connected with the great subject of "temperance in all things " — I have believed to be treated, in several respects, erroneously. Permit me, however, to say, that while I have not intended to follow the path, or repeat the ideas of any other writer, I have not attempted to avoid either the one or the other. If I have presented here and there a thought which had already come before the public from my own pen, I can only say that I did not intend it, although I did not take special pains to avoid it. The sum is this. I have presented my thoughts, without so much refer- ence to what has already been said by myself or others, as to what I have supposed to be the necessities of those for whom I write. I have gone straight forward, asking no ques- tions; and I trust I shall he dealt with in a manner equally direct. Dedham, Mass. Nov. 1839. CONTENTS, CHAPTER I.— Explanation of Terms. The word excellence hero used as nearly synony- mous with holiness. What is meant by calling the work a Guide. The term Woman — why preferable, as a general term, to Lady. . . 13 — 17 CHAPTER II.— Female Responsibilities. Comparison of the responsibilities of young men and young women. Bad and good education. Influence of a young woman in a family — in a school. Story of a domestic in Boston. Female influence in the renovation of the world. . 18 — 38 CHAPTER III.— Self-Education. Views of Agesilaus, king of Sparta — of Solomon, king of Israel. Mistake corrected. What the wisest and best parents cannot do. What, there- fore, remains to the daughter. Necessity of self- education. The work of self-education the work of life — a never-ending progress upward to the throne of God 39—48 1 • CONTENTS. CHAPTER IV.— Love of Improvement. Female capabilities. Doing every thing in the best possible manner. Every person and every occu- pation susceptible of improvement, indefinitely. Personal duties 49 — 57 CHAPTER V.— Self-knowledge. Vast extent of the science of self-knowledge. Spu- rious self-knowledge. Knowledge of our physical frame — its laws and relations. Instruments of obtaining it. The use of lectures. Study of our peculiarities. Study of mental philosophy. The Bible. How the Bible should be studied. . 58—71 CHAPTER VI.— Conscientiousness. Is there any conscientiousness in the world ? How far conscientiousness should extend. Tendency and power of habit. Evils of doing incessantly what we know to be wrong. Errors of early education. False standard of right and wrong. Bad method of family discipline. Palsy of the moral sensibilities. The education of conscience. Results which may be expected 72 — 90 CHAPTER VII.— Self-Government. What self-government includes. Cheerfulness a duty. Discretion. Modesty. Diffidence. Cour- age. Vigilance. Thoughts and feelings. The affections. The temper. The appetites and passions 91 — 111 CONTENTS. 7 CHAPTER VIII.— Self-Command. Presence of mind. Examples. Napoleon. Female example. Mrs. Merrill. Use of the anecdote. Self-command to be cultivated. In what manner. Consult the experience of others. Consult your own reason and good sense. Daily practice in the art of self-command 112 — 122 CHAPTER IX.— Decision of Character. Decision of character as important to young women as to others. Why it is so. Illustration of the subject by a scripture anecdote. Misery and danger of indecision. How to reform. Perseve- rance. Errors of modern education. . . 123 — 129 CHAPTER X.— Self-Dependence. Fashionable education. Why there is so little self- dependence in the world. Why orphans some- times make out well in the world. The best character formed under difficulties. Cause of the present helpless condition of females. Anecdote of an independent young woman. . . . 130 — 144 CHAPTER XI. — Reasoning and Originality. Females not expected to be reasoners. Effects of modern education on the reasoning powers. Education of former days. The reasoning powers susceptible of cultivation indefinitely. The im- portance of maternal effort and female edu- cation 145 — 153 O CONTEXTS. CHAPTER XII.— Invention An apology. Why woman has invented so few things. Abundant room for the exercise of her inventive powers. Hints. Particular need of a reform in cooking. Appeal to young women on this subject. 154—156 CHAPTER XIII. — Observation and 'Reflection. Advice of Dr. Dwight. Other counsels to the young. Some persons of both sexes are always seeing, but never reflecting. Zimmerman's views. Reading to get rid of reflection. 157 — 160 CHAPTER XIV.— The Right Use of Time. Great value of moments. Time more valuable than money. What are the most useful charities. Doing good by proxy. Value of time for reflec- tion. Doing nothing. Rendering an account of our time at the last tribunal 161 — 166 CHAPTER XV.— Love of Domestic Concerns. Reasons for loving domestic life. 1. Young women should have some avocation. Labor regarded as drudgery. 2. Domestic employment healthy. 3. It is pleasant. 4. It affords leisure for intel- lectual improvement. 5. It is favorable to social improvement. 6. It is the employment assigned them by Divine Providence, and is eminently conducive to moral improvement. A well or- dered home a miniature of heaven. . . 167 — 176 COxNTENTS. CHAPTER XVI.— Frugality and Economy. Economy becoming old fashioned. The Creator's example. Frugality and economy should be early inculcated. Spending two pence to save one not always wrong. Wasting small things. Good habits, as well as bad ones, go by compa- nies. Frugality and economy of our grand- mothers 177—182 CHAPTER XVII.— System. General neglect of system in families. Successful efforts of a few schools. Why the effects they produce are not permanent. Importance of right education. Blessedness of having a mother who is systematic. Let no person ever despair of reformation. How to be divide or fork in a \er\ doubtful and difficult manner. Suppose there are no males in the house, but only half a dozen females. These, we will also -uppose, are person- of real piety and true benevolence. What does true polit< ;.' Be require of them, but to give the stranger, in a gentle and affectionate manner, the neeessary information? But if every one should be ready to perform the office which true politeness would dictate — and is consequently truly polite — there would probably be as many ways of manifesting these feelings, as there were individuals present in the company. MANNERS. 3SOO One, for example, will give the stranger the best directions she can without leaving the room; but will be in all respects exceedingly particular. Another will go to the door, and there give the same directions. A third will go with her into the street, and there instruct her. A fourth will go with her to the first or second fork of the road, and there give further directions. A fifth will send a boy with her. A sixth will sketch the road plainly, though coarsely, with a pencil, and mark, in a proper manner, the course she ought to pursue. Each one will instruct her in an intelligent manner, so that there can hardly remain the possibility of a mistake; but we see that there will be a considerable difference in the form. It may be said in reply to this view of po- liteness, that there are genuine disciples of Christ, who, from ignorance of what they ought to do, or from bad habits not yet sub- dued, will not, in such a case as I have de- scribed, render assistance at all ; and that they cannot, of course, be truly polite. To which I have only to reply, that such a thing can hardly happen; and if it should, the spirit of Christianity would not load to it — but it 256 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. would be the result, rather, of a want of that spirit. In short, let the young woman who would be truly polite, take her lessons, not in the school of a hollow, heartless world, but in the school of Jesus Christ. I know this counsel may be despised by the gay and fashionable; but it will be much easier to despise it than to prove it to be incorrect. "Always think of the good of the whole, rather than of your own individual conven- ience," says Mrs. Farrar, in her Young La- dies' Friend: a most excellent rule, and one to which I solicit your earnest attention. She who is thoroughly imbued with the gospel spirit, will not fail to do so. It was what our Saviour did continually; and I have no doubt that his was the purest specimen of good man- ners, or genuine politeness, the world has ever witnessed — the politeness of Abraham himself not excepted. CHAPTER XXIV. HEALTH AND BEAUTY. Dr. Bell's new work on Health and Beauty. Its value. Adam and Eve probably very beautiful. Primitive beauty of our race to be yet restored. Sin the cause of present ugliness. Never loo late to reform. Opinion of Dr. Rush. An im- portant principle. The doctrine of human perfectibility disavowed. Various causes of ugliness. Obedience to law, natural and moral, the true source of beauty. Indecency and immorality of neglecting cleanliness. Dr. Bell, of Philadelphia, whose reputa- tion as a medical man and an author is de- servedly high, has written a volume, as my readers may already know, entitled, " Health and Beauty " — in which he endeavors to show that " a pleasing contour, symmetry of form, and a graceful carriage of the body," may be acquired, and "the common deformities of the spine and chest be prevented," by a due obedience to the " laws of growth and exer- cise." These laws he has endeavored — and with considerable success — to present in a popular and intelligible manner. 22* 258 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. Nor was the task unworthy of the efforts and pen of the gifted individual by whom it was executed. Young women, of course, are inclined to set a high value on beauty of form and feature, as well as to dread, more than most other persons, what they regard as deformity. Surely they ought to be glad of a work like that I have described. I have no wish to disparage beauty; it is almost a virtue. There can hardly be a doubt that Adam and Eve were exceedingly beau- tiful; nor that in so far as the world can be restored to its primitive state — as we hope it may be in its future glorious ages — the pris- tine beauty of our race will be restored. It is sin, in the largest sense of the term, which has distorted the human "face divine," disrobed it of half its charms, and robbed the whole frame of its symmetry. Does any one ask, of what possible service it can be to know these facts, when it is too late to make use of them? The truth is, it can never be too late. There is no person so old that she cannot improve her appearance, more or less, if she will but take the appro- priate steps. I do not, of course, mean to say, that at twenty or thirty years of age she HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 259 can greatly alter the contour of the face, or the symmetry of the frame; though I believe something can be done, even in these respects. It was the saying of Dr. Rush, that husbands and wives who live happily together, always come to resemble one another more and more, in their very features; and he accounted for it on the principle of an increased resem- blance in their feelings, tastes or dispositions. And there arc probably tew who have not ob- served how much bad passions and bad habits distort the features of every body, at every age. Then why should not Dr. Rush be right ; and why should not good feelings and good affections change the countenance, in a greater or less degree, as well as bad ones? And what reason, then, can be given why every young woman — certainly those who are far down in the column of teens — cannot change her countenance for the better, if she will fake the necessary pains for it? That she can do but little, is no reason why that little should not be done. The very con- sideration that she can do but little, enhances the importance of doing what she can. Let her remember this. Would that the principle were universally remembered and applied! 260 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. Would that it were generally believed — and the belief acted upon — that the latter day glory of the world is to be brought about in no other way than by having every individual of every generation, through a long series of generations, do all in his power, aided by wisdom and strength from on high, to hasten it. Do not suppose that I entertain the belief, as foolish as it is absurd, that in any future glorious period of the world's history, mankind will be perfectly beautiful, or perfectly con- formed to one standard of beauty. I enter- tain no belief in human perfectibility. I be- lieve — and I wish to state this belief once for all, that I may not be misunderstood — that we are destined, if we are wise, to approach per- fection forever., without the possibility of ever attaining to it; — to any perfection, I mean, which is absolute and unqualified. Nor do I believe that all mankind will ever become perfectly beautiful, according to any particular standard of beauty. This were nei- ther useful nor desirable. There will probably be as great a variety of features, and possibly, too, of size and symmetry, in the day of mil- lennial glory, as there is now. What I believe, is this. That in falling, HEALTH AND BEAUTY. 2G 1 with our first parents, we fall physically as well as morally; and that our physical de- parture from truth is almost as wide as our moral. I suppose all the ugliness of the young — not, of course, all their variety of feature or complexion, but all which consti- tutes real ugliness of appearance — comes di- rectly or indirectly from the transgression of God's laws, natural or moral; and can only be restored by obedience to those laws by the transgression of which it came. It is not tight dressing alone which spoils the shape; but improper exercise, neglect of exercise,, over exercise — and a thousand other things, also. Nor is it the application of rouge alone, which spoils the beauty. There are a thousand physical transgressions that dim the lustre of the eye, or sink it too deep in the socket, or flatten it, or paint a circle round it. So of the face in general. There are a thou- sand forms of transgression that take away the carnation of the lip and cheek, and leave unnatural hues, not to say pimples and fur- rows, in its stead. I might be much more particular. I might show how every physical transgression — every broach of that part of the natural law which 262 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. imposes on us the duty of proper attention to cleanliness, exercise, dress, air, temperature, eating, drinking, sleeping, Stc. — mars, in a greater or less degree, our beauty. Such a disclosure might be startling; but it ought to be made. Dr. Bell, in the volume mentioned, has led the way; and his work entitles him to a high place among the benefactors of our race. But he has only begun the work; the important honor of completing it, remains to him, or to some of his countrymen. But enough on this subject, for the present, if I have convinced the reader whence her help, in this respect, is to come; — if I have convinced her that, under God, she is to restore her beauty only by becoming a true christian; by having her whole being — body, intellect and affections — brought into subjec- tion to divine law, especially by a prompt, and minute, and thorough obedience to all the laws of health and life, as far as she under- stands them — and by diligent effort to under- stand them better and better, as long as she lives; and, lastly, by the smiles of Almighty God upon her labors and efforts. CHAPTER XXV. NEATNESS AND CLEANLINESS. Reasons for discussing these topics. Every person should undergo a thorough ablution once a day. Quotation from Mrs. Farrar. Two important objects gained by cold bath- ing. Its value as an exercise. Various forms of bathing. Philosophy of this subject. Vast amount of dirt accumu- lating on the surface. Statement of Mr. Buckingham. Bathing necessary in all employments. Offices of the skin, and evil consequences of keeping it in an uncleanly con- dition. After saying so much of the general im- portance of obeying - the laws of life and health, it seems, at first view, almost unne- cessary to go farther into particulars than I have already done. And yet, I feel some- what inclined to do so, for two reasons. First, because I find several considerable errors in the advice given to young women in some of our young women's books, in matters per- taining to their physical improvement, which I should rejoice to be able to correct. Secondly, 264 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. because, that in a work like this, information of this sort will be very properly expected. And yet it seems quite common-place to ad- vise a young woman on the subject of clean- liness in general; and still more so, to speak to her on the subject of personal neatness. A young woman wanting in neatness! Rea- soning a priori, as a Latin scholar would say, such a thing seems hardly possible. Would that it were so! Would that our daughters and sisters — the daughters and sisters of America, especially — were so far apprized of this indispensable requisite, as to need no monitor on the subject! But, un- happily, it is not so. Very far from it, on the contrary. No person in tolerable health, male or female, seems to me to be entitled to be con- sidered as neat — truly so — who does not wash the surface of the whole body in water, daily. But are there not multitudes who pass for models of neatness and cleanliness, who do not this work for themselves half a dozen times — nay, once — a year? That I may not be regarded as wholly ultra on this subject, because professedly a strong friend and advocate of physical education and NEATNESS AND CLEANLINESS. 2G5 physical improvement, I beg leave to subjoin the following paragraphs from Mrs. Farrar's Young Ladies' Friend: "Once, at least, in twenty-four hours, the •whole surface of the body should be washed in soap and water, and receive the friction of a coarse towel, or flesh brush, or crash mitten. This may be done by warm or cold bathing; by a plunging or shower bath; by means of a common wash tub ; and even without further preparation than an ordinary wash-bowl and sponge. " By washing a small part of the person at a time, rubbing it well, and then covering what is done, the whole may be washed in cold water, even in winter time; and a glow may be produced after it, in a young and healthy person. "It is common for persons who are in the habit of sponging over with cold water every morning, or of taking the shower or plunging bath, to omit it when they have a slight cold, or sore throat, or a touch of rheumatism; whereas, if it were properly done so as to pro- duce a glow all over the skin, their habitual ablutions would be the best remedy for the beginnings of evil. # * * * If not sure, 23 266 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. in such a case, of producing a glow after the use of the cold water, it will be better to use the warm, in order to make the skin do its office freely. But to cease your customary bathing at such times, is to increase all your difficulties. "Many think it impossible to make this thorough washing when the weather is very cold, and they must do it in rooms never warmed by a fire; but in healthy and vigo- rous persons, the glow after washing would be so great, as to more than compensate for the momentary chill." By washing the body in cold water every day, and following it by friction, according to the recommendation of Mrs. F., you gain, at once, two important objects. You secure to yourself the benefits of cleanliness, and of a vast amount of exercise, and consequent vigor. I say a vast amount; but this depends much on yourself. You may make a great deal of it, or only a little. I know of one teacher who says his cold bath and friction are worth two hours of ordinary exercise to him every day. But two hours of ordinary exercise a day, is much more than is taken by some of our young women. I have spoken of the vigor derived from NEATNESS AND CLEANLINESS. 267 cold bathing. This is gained in two ways. First, directly, by the action of the muscles or moving powers, which I have partially dc- BCribed in the chapter on Exercise. Secondly, indirectly, through the medium of sympathy. I know of no one thing which costs so little time and effort — (for the work may he done after it has become natural and habitual, in twelve or fifteen minutes) — which secures, at the same time, such an amount of exercise and bodily vigor, as daily cold bathing. The particular forms of bathing are nu- merous. Among these, are the simple wash- ing with the hand, spoken of by Mrs. Far- rar; sponging; immersion in a tub or stream; and the shower bath. All these, except, of course, washing in a stream, may be done with cold, tepid, warm or hot water; and may be continued for a greater or less time — although, in general, the cold bath should be a quick operation. Let me now present the reader with a phy- siological explanation of the use and necessity of frequent ablution and bathing; derived, in substance, from a little tract already before the public* I use the language of the tract, Sec " Tiioug-'.ns on Bathing," posjo C. 268 THE YOUNG WOMAN S GUIDE. because I can use none which is better for my present purpose. The dust accumulates on the surface of our bodies much more readily, and adheres much more firmly, and in much larger quantities, than is usually supposed, and than by many would be credited. Mr. Buckingham, the Ori- ental traveller, asserts that from two to three pounds of it are sometimes removed from the whole surface of a person, who has for some time neglected bathing and washing, in a tro- pical climate; and this, under some circum- stances, may possibly have been the case. For not only does the moisture of the skin favor its accumulation, but so also does the oily substance continually poured out by the small bottle-shaped glands — sebaceous glands, as they are called — which are found in the skin in great numbers, with their mouths opening on its surface. Nothing, indeed, can be more obvious to an enlightened and reflecting mind, than the indispensable necessity of frequent ablutions of the body, in some form or other. It will, indeed, be said — it is often said — that much depends, in this respect, upon the nature of our occupation. The farmer, the smith, the NEATNESS AND CLEANLINESS. 269 manufacturer — the individual, in one word, whose employment is most uncleanly — will be thought to need frequent attentions of this kind, while those whose employments are quiet and sedentary, will need them less fre- quently. But it should not be forgotten, that although frequent bathing and cleansing are indispen- sable to those whose employments expose them to a great deal of dust, yet they are scarcely less necessary to the sedentary; and for the following reason: — The active nature of the employments of the former, and their exposure to the open air, break up the coating of oil and dirt with which they are enveloped, and render it more pervious to the matter of per- spiration, than the thinner, but not less tena- cious varnish which covers the surface of the sedentary. On the whole, therefore, I regard bathing and thorough cleansing of the skin, as of nearly equal importance in all the varied circumstances of age, sex, climate and occu- pation. We must not omit to observe, that whatever changes take place in the lungs, by the action of the air upon the blood in the small vessels of those organs, to purify and renovate it, take 23* 270 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. place also all over the surface of the body; that in this respect, therefore, the skin may be regarded as a sort of appendage to the lungs; and that if the skin be varnished over with a mixture of oil and dust, so that it can- not perform its office, an unreasonable burden will be thrown upon the lungs, which will thereby be weakened, and predisposed to dis- ease. I have not a doubt, that an universal neglect of cleanliness not only favors, in this way, the production of lung diseases — espe- cially of those colds which are so frequent in our climate, and which often pave the way for other and still more dangerous diseases — but also that it tends to aggravate such diseases of the lungs as may already exist, or to whose existence there may be in us — either by in- heritance or otherwise — a predisposition. This temporary suspension of the offices of the skin, is, however, peculiarly dangerous to those who are of light complexion, slender form, with a long neck, and narrow shoulders projecting almost like wings — indicating a chest whose internal organs, as well as exter- nal dimensions, are comparatively small and feeble, and therefore poorly prepared to do that work which belongs to other parts or NEATNESS AND CLEANLINESS. 271 organs. Let all persons beware of compel- ling the lungs io work for the skin; but above all, those who have the particular structure to which I have alluded. It is hardly necessary that I should advert, here, to the repugnance felt by our sex, to those young women whose external appear- ance bespeaks a want of attention to this sub- ject. But it is necessary that I should barely allude to the indecency of a great degree of neglect — which is by no means uncommon — in those cases where the odor of the perspi- ration is naturally very disagreeable, without its disagreeableness being increased by long neglected accumulations of grease and dirt on the skin. They should also be reminded that there is, somehow or other, (I know not how, exactly,) a very general connection between external and internal purity. It is exceedingly uncom- mon — I had almost said, quite so — to find an individual who pays a daily close attention to neatness and cleanliness of person and dress, who does not, at the same time, possess a reputation which is not only above reproach, but also quite above suspicion. CHAPTER XXVI. DRESS AND ORNAMENT. Legitimate purposes of dress — as a covering-, a regulator of temperature, and a defence. Use of ornaments. Further thoughts on dress. How clothing keeps us warm. Errors in regard to the material, quality, and form of our dress. Tight lacing — its numerous evils. Improvement of the lungs, by education. Objections to the use of personal ornaments. When we remember that the threefold ob- ject of dress is to cover, warm and defend us, and that the kind and quantity of dress which best does this, is most conducive to our own and the public good, as well as to the glory of God, we are led, very naturally, to the fol- lowing reflections: 1. We have no right to use that kind of dress which does not answer well the purpose of a covering, so long as we can lawfully obtain that which would better do it. All fashions, moreover, which tend to remind the beholder that our dress is designed as a cov- PRESS AND ORNAMENT. 273 eringt are as improper as those which do not effectually cover us. And here let me say, with sufficient plain- ness, that there are such fashions in exist- ence; and that they ought to he shunned like the plague. Does not the world in which we live, contain sources enough of temptation, and avenues enough to vice, seduction and misery, without increasing their numher by our dress?* I need to specify but one fashion in the list of those to which I refer. It is the fashion of exposing the neck and a part of the chest. I could tell young women, that were health en- tirely out of the question, it would be wisdom to remove this dangerous custom. A word to the wise — to adopt the language of Solomon — is sufficient. May it prove so, in the present instance. Let not the young of the other sex, * I cannot refrain from saying - , in this place, that since I wrote the above paragraph, I have received an excellent letter from a worthy minister of the gospel, on the subject of female dress, which, besides greatly confirming the views I have expressed in this chapter, suggests the importance of having a standard dress devised — to be formed on christian principles, and made fashionable by christian example. A wise suggestion : would that it could be attended to. Young women, it is yours to put in operation so excellent a means of moral improvement. 274 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. miseducated as they now are, and the slaves of improper imaginations and feelings, be longer trifled with in this matter. 2. We have no right to use any articles of clothing — when we have it in our power, by lawful means, to prevent it — whose tendency is directly contrary to what has been laid down as the second great object of dress, that Of ASSISTING TO KEEP OUR BODIES AT A PROPER TEMPERATURE. It would be idle to pretend that clothing, in itself considered, is a source of warmth to our bodies. It is only so, by the relation it bears to our bodies; or, in other words, by the circumstances in which it is placed. Our own bodies — their internal, living machinery, rather — are the principal sources of our heat. Clothing is useful in keeping us warm, only by retaining, for some time, a portion of the heat of our bodies, which would otherwise es- cape so rapidly into the ambient cooler air, as to leave us with a sensation of chilliness. It should, therefore, be adapted to the season. That clothing which conducts the heat from the body in the slowest manner, or, in other words, impedes most its progress, is best CRESS AND ORNAMENT. 275 adapted to severe cold weather; provided, however, it does not keep the heated air in contact with the body so long as to render it impure. And, on the contrary, that clothing which most readily allows the heat to escape from our bodies, is, in hot weather, the best adapted to our health and happiness. I have said that the internal machinery of our bodies is the great source of our heat. Foremost, perhaps, in this work, are the lungs, the stomach, the brain and nervous system, and the circulatory system, including the heart, arteries, veins and absorbents. Our moving powers — the muscles and ten- dons — have, indeed, much to do with gene- rating our heat; but it is principally by the assistance which they render to the digestive, the nutritive, the respiratory, the circulatory, and the thinking machinery. The fat of our bodies has also something to do in promoting our warmth: but it is only on the same prin- ciple as that by which it is done by our cloth- ing; that is to say, it prevents the heat from being conducted off too rapidly. All these internal organs — and, in fact, all the living machinery of cur bodies — have the power to generate heat and diffuse it over the 276 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. system, in proportion to the freedom and en- ergy of their action; or, to express the same idea in fewer words, in proportion to their health. But this is not all. They have not only the power of generating heat in proportion to their healthiness, but also of resisting cold. Who does not know that the living system, at ninety-eight degrees of Fahrenheit, will resist a temperature nearly one hundred and fifty degrees lower than this, and yet for some time not freeze? Perhaps this is done, how- ever, in the same way in which a more mode- rate amount of heat is generated. Perhaps the increased muscular and nervous energy, and the increased activity of the other organs, enable them to generate heat as fast as the increased cold around carries it off. But the conclusion I would at present en- force from these physiological premises, is the following: — That whenever our dress, by means of its material, form or quantity, has a tendency to weaken our internal organs, or any one of them, and thus to prevent the free and energetic performance of their several functions, it is injurious, and its use is wrong, not to say sinful. DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 277 This is sometimes done by clothing which irritates and excites the surface of the body too much. Coarse flannel is more irritating than any other material in ordinary use, and should therefore never be used when a suf- ficient amount of bodily heat can be main- tained without it; as its use weakens, in the end, the perspiratory, and calorific, and de- purating powers of the skin — for the skin has all these powers — and even, in some cases, brings on eruptive and other diseases. Fine flannel is more irritating than cotton; and the latter, more so than linen. Still, there are multitudes who cannot get along without flan- nel, at some seasons, either coarser or finer. The evil of which I have spoken is, how- ever, much oftencr induced by error in regard to the quantity of dress, than its quality. As to quantity, we need no more than is just necessary, along with healthy and vigorous exercise, to keep us from being sensibly cold or chilly. Any amount beyond this, be its nature what it may, is debilitating, and con- sequently more or less injurious. Flit the form of our dress often does injury, as well as its material and quantity. With some classes of our community, this is a 24 273 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. greater evil than either of the former; though with others, it is not. AH forms of dress which impede any kind of motion, especially those which impede cir- culatory motion, are greatly injurious. It is, I suppose, pretty well known, that all parts of the skin are full of minute blood vessels, chiefly veins; in addition to which, there are also a great number of veins still larger, im- mediately under the skin, and connected with it, as may be observed by looking at the hands or limbs of very aged or very lean persons. Now the tendency or course of the blood in all the veins, is towards the heart; and this course is slower or more rapid, according as the skin is more or less active, healthy and free. A rapid course of the blood in these veins, is desirable, because it has become, in the progress of its circulation, greatly impure, and in the same proportion unfit to minister to the purposes of health — and needs to go on to the heart, and through that to the lungs, to be relieved of its load of impurities. Is it not plain, then, that all compression of the skin, by cravats, wristbands, waistbands, belts, garters, or any other form of ligatures, must be wrong ! Must it not impede the motion DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 279 of the venous blood in its return to the heart? Must not even light boots, garters, stockings, &c, do this? Is it not a task sufficiently difficult tor the blood to climb from the feet to the heart, directly against the power of gravity, without being impeded, in its course, by compression of any sort — and above all, by ligatures? But if these every-day compressions of the surface of our bodies are so injurious, what are we to say of the practice of many females, and of most young women — at least, in fashion- able life — of compressing the chest? For in compressing this part of the frame, though we do not impede the action of so much blood in its return to the heart as might be supposed, we do a great deal more injury in many other respects than is usually known. I must advert to the various items of this injury. First — compressing the chest, by dress or otherwise, prevents free motion of the trunk of the body. We can indeed bend the body a little, notwithstanding the compression; but not so freely, and not therefore so healthfully. Secondly — compression of the chest pre- vents the lungs and heart — the principal organs 280 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. wholly contained in its cavity — from expand- ing, and doing their work in a proper manner. If there were no compression by ligatures or otherwise, of any other part of the system, and if the impure blood came back to the lungs for renovation as fast as it ought, still it would not be properly depurated or reno- vated, unless the lungs acted in a full, healthy and vigorous manner. But this they cannot do, unless the chest is left free from external compression. Their internal expansion and enlargement is limited by the external, much in the same way as the space in a bellows is limited or extended according as the bellows itself is expanded or compressed. If the muscles concerned in moving the chest — near a hundred in number — do not properly act; if the breast-bone, when we inhale air, is not thrown forward, and the ribs thrown outward and upward so as to increase, very greatly, the size of the internal cavity; then the venous blood which is brought into the lungs to be purified and cleansed, cannot — I repeat it — be purified and cleansed as it ought to be; and the whole system must suffer the consequences, in being fed and nourished on impure, and I might say poisonous, blood. DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 281 This is the case when the lungs are com- pressed during a single breath: how great, then, is the evil, when the compression con- tinues an hour — during which period we pro- bably breathe ten or twelve hundred times! How much greater still, when it is continued through the waking hours of a day — say fif- teen or sixteen — in which period we breathe nearly twenty thousand times — and a young woman of twelve to fifteen years of age, probably more! But think of the evil as extended to a year, or three hundred and sixty-live days! — or to a whole life of thirty, fifty or seventy years! How much poisoned blood must go through the living system in sixty or seventy years, should the injured system last so long! And how many bad feelings, and how much severe pain and suffering, and chronic and acute dis- ease, must almost inevitably be undergone! Thirdly — this poisoning of the blood, how- ever, is not all. The chest, so constantly compressed, even if the compression is not begun in early infancy, shrinks to a much smaller size than is natural — and in a few years becomes incapable of holding more than half or two thirds as much air as before; so 24* 282 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. that if the compression is removed, the injury cannot be wholly restored — though if removed any time before thirty-live years of age, some- thing may be done towards restoration. But not only is the cavity diminished permanently in size ; the bones and tendons are bent out of their place, and made to compress either the lungs themselves, or the other contiguous organs — as the heart, the liver and the stom- ach — and to disturb the proper performance of their respective offices or functions. Fourthly — tight lacing, as I have already said, compresses the heart as well as the lungs, and impedes the motion of this impor- tant organ. The suffering and disease which are thus entailed on transgression, if not quite so great in amount as that which is induced by the abuse of the lungs, is yet very great — and added to the former, greatly diminishes the sum total of human happiness, and increases, in the same proportion, its miseries and its woes. Fifthly — the stomach is also a sufferer — and the liver; and, indeed, all the other organs. There is suffering, not only from being in actual contact with each other, but also from sympathy and fellow feeling. I have already DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 283 adverted to that law, by which, if one member or organ of the human system suffer, all the others suffer with it. This is very remarkably the case with the lungs, when they suffer. Other organs suffer with them from mere sympathy; and that to a very great extent. This is especially true of the cerebral and nervous system; and of that portion of the general system which gives to woman her pe- culiar prerogative, as well as her distinctive character. Let no young woman forget, moreover, that she lives, not for herself alone, but for others; .and that if she injures health and life by improper dress, she does it not for herself alone, but for all those who shelter their abuses under her example, as well as for all those who may hereafter be more immediately influenced by her present conduct. Let her neither forget her responsibility nor her ac- countability. Would to God that she could see this matter as it truly is, and as she will be likely to see it in years to come! Let it be remembered, moreover, that as we can diminish the size of the chest by com- pressing it, so we can enlarge it, gradually — especially in early life — by extra effort; or by 284 general exercise; but especially such general exercise as I have mentioned in a former chapter — I mean, moderate labor in the garden or in the field, and in house-keeping. Nor is spinning on a high wheel — which requires not only walking to and fro, but also considerable motion of the arms and chest — a very bad exercise. A great deal may also be done by reading aloud in a proper manner, and by conversation; and especially by singing. I believe that by a proper education of the lungs — instead of the modern custom of un- educating them — it would be possible, in the course of a few successive ages, greatly to enlarge the cavity containing them. And if this can be done, it will be a means of pro- moting, in tfre same degree, the tone and vigor, not only of the lungs themselves, but also of the whole physical frame ; and the ag- gregate gain to our race would be immense. Let us think of the amazing difference be- tween a race which has been deteriorating in body and mind, from generation to generation, and at the same time suffering from disease in a thousand forms, and one which is not only free from primitive disease, but gradually im- proving, both bodily and mentally, and in a DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 285 fair way to go on improving for centuries — perhaps thousands of years — to come! 3. We have no right to use that dress as a defence, winch does not answer this purpose, so long as we can get that which does; pro- vided it answers neither of the other two purposes already mentioned. Now, are there not a great number of arti- cles of clothing worn, whose use cannot be justified on these principles? Does not the greater part of human time and labor which is expended on dress, both by the maker and the wearer, go to answer other purposes than these? Is it not expended for mere orna- ment? And is such an expenditure right? My own conviction is, that we are bound, as christians — and as such, I must consider my readers in this favored country — to use that dress, and that alone, which answers the great purposes of dress; and that were the subject viewed in its true and just light, all beyond this should be regarded as sinful. What I suppose these great purposes of dress are, has now been told you. In short — to repeat what has been already repeated — I suppose that our duty is, to dress 286 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. in such a way, if our circumstances permit it, as will be best for the purposes of merely clothing, tempering and defending our bodies. That material, that quantity, and those forms of dress, which we suppose best accomplish this, should be adopted as fast as they are known. Such a view will, of course, be opposed by the devotees of fashion; but not, I think, by many of those who know they cannot serve two masters — God and mammon, or God and the fashions — and that it is their duty to devote themselves, unreservedly, to the worship and service of the former. I shall also be opposed by another class — the devotees of utility, or a species of what I call utilitarianism. They will say that I am a utilitarian, of the rankest sort; that I would destroy all just taste, all industry, all division of labor, all commerce, and all wealth. But is it so? Is that proved to be a just taste to which the views here presented, seem to be opposed? Where is the proof, and by whom has it been adduced? I am no advocate for a utilitarianism which excludes just taste: but J believe our tastes to- be de- praved by Ike fall, no less than our affections; DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 287 that they are not, as some suppose, free from sin — though less sinful, perhaps, than our moral tastes and preferences. I believe that a taste which is not conformed to the nature of things and to the law of God, is a perverted taste; and that the modern taste in regard to dress and ornament, is, to a great extent, of this description. But does there remain no room for industry when personal ornaments arc excluded? As well might it be said that the exclusion of all drinks but water, would strike a death-blow at industry. Is there nothing left for people to do, because you take away ornament? Perhaps, indeed, if all personal ornament were to be taken away suddenly, it might give a temporary check to industry, and seem to conflict with the principle of a division of labor. But this cannot happen, except it were by miraculous agency. The utmost that can be rationally expected at present by the most sanguine, would be, that professing christians should exclude it; nor could they, as a body, be expected to do it at once. One here, and another there, would renounce, as wrong, what he had been accustomed to think right ; and this would give society time to 288 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. adjust itself, and preserve its balance; as it has done in the case of every great and im- portant change of public opinion. But we are gravely told by several writers on this subject, that as a nation's wealth is derived from a division of labor, it follows, that to deny ourselves all ornament, would be a great injury to the community. What a strange inference ! Is there nothing for people to do, in this world, we again ask, but to make ornaments? Or can it be, that they form so important a division of human labor, that to dispense with them in the only way in which it is possible, humanly speaking, to do so — that is, by enlightening public opin- ion, and appealing to the conscientious — is to take away the wealth of the nation? I deny, most resolutely, that mere artificial ornaments make any considerable part of a na- tion's real wealth. That which tends to make us healthier, in all the functions of our bodies — which developes and improves all the faculties of our minds — and which developes and culti- vates, to the highest possible extent, all the good affections of the soul — is alone worthy of the name of wealth. I do not deny, that he who makes two stalks DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 289 of grain grow where only one grew before, 13 a public benefactor. I do not deny that, for certain purposes in the arts — in architecture, especially — he who polishes a gem, or a block of marble, may also be a public benefactor. This is a very different thing from preparing and applying ornaments to our persons; and may be, to some extent, useful. But I am still assured, that those who make a person healthier than before, or improve his intellect — or are a means of awakening in him a love to God and man, and of promoting its growth where it is already awakened — are benefactors to the world in a degree infinitely higher, and add to its true riches almost infinitely more. It is health, knowledge and excellence — we again say — which exalt a nation; and these are its true wealth. Fifteen millions of free- men, all as healthy as the most perfect speci- mens which could now be found among us; all as wise as the wisest man in the world; and all as virtuous and excellent as Aristides, or Howard, or Benezet, or John, the beloved apostle, himself; what a national treasure they would be! what a revenue of true wealth they would afford! Now, if fifteen millions of such people would 25 290 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. be a source of national wealth before unheard of, would not every individual of this whole number be a source of wealth? And would not every element which should go to make up the sum total of the excellencies of each individual, be a part of this mighty treasury? If the richer part of the community have money to spare, why not spend it in increasing the health, the knowledge, and the morality of the needy around them — by giving employ- ment to those who are capable of promoting these blessings, and who want employment? It will be said, I know, that the great multitude of persons around us are not fit for more elevated employments. No; nor will they ever be, in any considerable num- bers, until they come to be employed in this way much more frequently than they now are. Let there be an urgent demand in the market for a commodity, and it usually soon comes to be abundant. Let there be a de- mand for laborers in the mental and moral field — in this more elevated garden of the Lord — and they will, ere long, be furnished; and the more persons are employed in this way, and consequently come into the habit of fitting themselves to be thus employed, the richer will be the national treasury. DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 291 That many young women, who read this chapter, will wholly lay aside their ornaments, and fit themselves, as fast as possible, for the noble purpose of ornamenting those around them, by promoting their physical, intellectual and moral well being, can hardly be expected. But I do hope that I shall lead a few to expend less of time and money in dressing and orna- menting their persons than heretofore — and more in dressing and ornamenting the im- mortal mind and spirit, as well as more in promoting health of body. I cannot but hope to live to see the day, when every person who professes the name of Jesus Christ, and not a few who make no pro- fessions at all, will entertain similar views in regard to the purposes of dress and their own duty in relation to it, to those which I have endeavored to inculcate. Such a day must surely come, sooner or later; and I hope that those who believe this, will make it their great rule, to expend as little on themselves as possible, and yet answer the true intentions of the Creator respecting themselves. There is a very wide difference between spending as much as we can on our persons — in the gratification, I mean, of the wants of 292 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. our depraved tastes, under the specious plea that it encourages commerce and industry — and spending as little as we can on ourselves, and as much as possible in promoting the health, the learning, and the piety of those around us. The former has been tried for centuries — with what result, let the state of society and our misnamed refinement bear witness. Let the latter be tried but half as long, and the world will be surprised at the results — so unexpected, so beneficial, and so happy. Foremost in this work of reform, should be our millions of young women. They should be so for two reasons. First, because their influence and responsibilities to coming gene- rations are great; and, secondly, because they are at present greatly involved in the practical error of loving external ornaments too well, and of valuing too little the orna- ments of a healthy body, a sound mind, and a good heart. I am often pained to hear the reproach cast upon females, and especially upon the younger of the sex, that they are fond of the " far- fetched " and "dear-bought," even when they are the less valuable. It should not be so. DRESS AND ORNAMENT. 293 They should be above the suspicion of such a weakness. What else can be expected, however, when those who should be the guardians of the public taste — and who should, as christian citizens, strive with all their might, to elevate it — en- gage in pandering to the follies — not to say the depravities — of the age? Let young women rise above themselves, and escape the snares thus laid for them by those who ought to be their guides to the paths of wisdom, and virtue, and happiness. 23* CHAPTER XXVII. DOSING AND DRUGGING. Tendency of young women to dosing and drugging. " Ner- vousness." Qualms of the stomach. Eating between our meals— its mischiefs. Evils of more direct dosing. What organs are injured. Confectionary. The danger from quacks and quackery. Fallen as human nature — our physical nature with the rest — now is, there are sea- sons in the lives of almost all of us, when we are either ill, or fear we shall be so. And young women, as well as others, have their seasons of debility, and their fears, and even their sick days. They have their colds, their coughs, their sick headaches, their indi- gestions, and their consumptions. Above all — and more frequently by far than almost any thing else — they have those undefinable and indescribable feelings of ennui, which, for want of a better name, are called, in their various forms, "nervousness." DOSING AND DRUGGING. 295 When the unpleasant sensations to which I have just alluded are referred to the region of the stomach, and only produce a few qualms, young women are not, in general, so apt to take medicine, as to eat something to keep down their bad feelings — as a bit of seed- cake, a little fruit, some cloves or cinnamon, or a piece of sugar. This, though better than to take medicine, is yet a very bad practice; for although mo- mentary relief is secured in this way, it never fails to increase the unpleasant sensations in the end. I ought to say somewhere — and I know of no better place than this — that the habit of eating between our regular meals, even the smallest thing whatever, is of very mischievous tendency; and this for several reasons. First — the stomach needs its seasons of entire rest; but those persons who eat between their meals seldom give any rest to their stomachs, except during the night. Se- condly — eating things in this way, injures the general appetite. Thirdly — the habit is apt to increase in strength, and is difficult to break. Fourthly — it does not afford relief, except for a very short time. On the contrary, as I have already intimated, it increases the trouble in the end. 296 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. This eating of such simple things, I have said, is quite bad enough; but there are errors which are worse. Such is the habit of taking an extra cup of tea or coffee — extra, either as respects the number of cups or the strength. Now tea and coffee — and sometimes either of them — are very apt to afford, like eating a little food, a temporary relief. Indeed, the sufferer often gains so long a respite from her suffer- ings, that the narcotic beverage which she takes is supposed to be the very medicine needed, and the very one adapted to her case. The like erroneous conclusion is often made after using, with the same apparent good effect, certain hot herb teas. Yet, 1 repeat it, such medicinal mixtures usually — perhaps I should say always — aggravate the complaint in the end, by deranging still more the powers and functions of the stomach, and debilitating still more the cerebral and nervous system. Different and various are the external ap- plications made to the head, in these circum- stances; but all, usually, with the same suc- cess: they only produce a little temporary relief. The same may be said of the use of smelling-bottles — containing, as I believe they usually do, ammonia or hartshorn, cologne DOSING AND DRUGGING. 297 water, camphor, &c. The manner in which these operate to produce mischief, is, how- ever, very different from that of the former. They irritate the nasal membrane, and dry it, if they do not slowly destroy its sensibility. They also, in some way, affect seriously the tender brain. In any event, they ought sel- dom to be used by the sick or the well. Nor is this all. They are inhaled — to irritate and injure the lining membrane of the lungs. Trifling as it may seem to many, I never find that a young woman keeps a cologne bottle in her dressing room, or a smelling bottle about her — or perfumes her clothes — or is in the habit of eating, every now and then, a little coriander, or pennel, or cloves, or cin- namon — without trembling for her safety. Persisting long in this habit, she will as inevi- tably injure her brain and nervous system, her lungs or her stomach — ay, and her teeth, too — as she continues the habit. I never knew a young woman who had used any of these things, year after year, for a long series of years, whose system was not already suf- fering therefrom; and if I were fond of giving or receiving challenges, I should not hesitate to challenge the whole world to produce a 298 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. single instance of the kind. In the very na- ture of things it cannot be. Such persons may tell us they are well, when we make an attack upon their habits; but take them when off their guard, and we hear, at times, quite a different story. In regard to the daily, or even the occa- sional use of the stronger drugs of the apothe- cary's shop — whether this shop is found in the family or elsewhere — I would fain hope many of our young women may claim an entire im- munity. It seems to me to be enough, that they should spoil their breath, their skin, their stomachs and their nerves, with perfumes, aromatic seeds and spices, confectionary, and the like, without adding thereto the more ac- tive poisons — as laudanum, camphor, picra, antimony, &c. The mention of the word confectionary, in the last paragraph, brings to my mind a con- gregated host of evils which befall young women, as the legitimate consequences of its use. Some may suppose that the class of young women for whom I am writing, have little to do with confectionary ; that they have risen above it. Would that it were so! But that it is not, many a teacher of young ladies' DOSING AND DRUGGING. 299 boarding schools, female seminaries, &c. — to say nothing of parents — might abundantly testify. That they are very often the dupes of the quacks and quackery with which our age abounds — or at least, that they take many of the pills, and cough drops, and bitters, and panaceas of the day — I will not believe. Much as they err to their own destruction, I trust they have not yet sunk so low as this. CHAPTER XXVIII. TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. The art of taking care of the sick should be a part of female education. Five reasons for this. Doing good. Doing good by proxy. Great value of personal services. How can young women be trained to these services 1 Contagion. Breathing bad air. Aged nurses. Scientific instruction of nurses. Visiting and taking care of the sick, a religious duty. Appeal to young women. The art of taking care of the sick, should be considered an indispensable part of female education. Some of the reasons for this, are the following: 1. As society now is, there is danger that the number of our young women who fall into a state of indifference, not to say abso- lute disgust, with the world and with life, will greatly increase, unless the sex can be led, by an improved course of education, to exer- cise more of that active sympathy with suffer- ing which prompts to assist in relieving it. TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. 301 2. Nurses of the sick are greatly needed. It not unfrequcntly happens, that good nurses cannot be obtained, male or female, except by going very far in search for them. And yet it would seem that every one must know the importance of good nurses, from the pre- valence of the maxim — not more prevalent than just— "A good nurse is worth as much as a physician." What physician has not, again and again, seen all his efforts fail to do any good, because not sustained by the labors of a skilful, intelli- gent, faithful and persevering nurse? This condition is one of the most trying that can befall him; and yet, trying as it is, it is his very frequent lot. 3. Females are better qualified — other things being the same — for attending the sick, than males. They not only have a softer hand, and more kindness and gentleness, but they arc also more devoted to whatever they undertake; and they have more fortitude in scenes of trial and distress. Their thoughts are, moreover, less engrossed by the cares of business, and by other objects, than those of our sex. They seem formed for days, and months, and years of watchfulness — not only 26 302 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. over our earliest infancy, but also over our first and second childhood. And it were strange, indeed, if nature, in qualifying them for all this, had not qualified them to watch over us during the few short years that inter- vene. There may, indeed, be instances — there certainly are some such — where the physical strength of females, unaided, is not sufficient for the task of which I am speaking. For the most part, however, it is gentleness, and pa- tience, and fortitude, which are most wanted; and in these, woman stands pre-eminent. 4. It is often advantageous to have female assistance in taking care of the sick, because it can be afforded at a much lower rate than that of males. There are females who need the avails of these labors for a livelihood; but not having been trained to them, they are not, of course, employed. Hence there is suffering in both ways. The sick suffer in the loss of the needed help, and the indigent woman suffers for want of the avails of that labor which she might perform. One great advantage of being able thus to obtain female attendants at a cheaper rate, is, that the sick would be mere likely to have the TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. 303 regular attention, or at least the general care, of the same individual. Thousands and thou- sands of sick people have died, who might easily have recovered, had they heen ahle to employ a regular nurse. Where a change of nurses takes place almost every day, no one of them feels that degree of responsibility which it is highly desirable that somebody, in this capacity, should feel. 5. I have spoken of the necessity of hav- ing young women trained to the art of taking care of the sick, that it may open a door to their sympathies. But it should also be done to open the door to their charities. Such charities as the gratuitous attendance of the sick, where it can be afforded, are among the most valuable which can possibly be be- stowed.* Had we ever so much money to give to the sick and distressed, it might be misapplied; or, at least, applied in a way we should not approve. Even if it were spent to procure good attendance, are we quite sure * I mean, hero, lo speak only of those charities which go to correct the evils which are in ilie world 3 for, however great the good we may do in spending time and influence in cor- recting evil, the same amount of effort, righlly applied, must always do still more good in the wnv of prevention. 304 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. our own attendance would not be still more useful? Is it not always better to do the good ourselves — provided we are competent to do it — than by proxy; especially, by employing those whom we know little or nothing of? If we do all the good we are able to do, with our own hands, we feel that we have better dis- charged our duty, than if we had first turned our labor into money, and then applied the money to the same purpose. But how is it possible, I shall doubtless be asked, that in a healthy community like that of our own New England, young women generally can be trained to understand this office? There is no great difficulty in the case. Healthy as we are — that is, comparatively so — we have in every neighborhood, if not in every family, ample opportunities for initiat- ing the young into this most indispensable art. It is not expected, nor is it indeed desirable, that they should be fully employed, or made fully responsible, at first. There should be a sort of apprenticeship served, to this trade as well as to any other. Indeed, I hardly know of an occupation or an art, which more de- mands a long apprenticeship, than this. But, TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. 30"> as I was going on to say, let young women, at a very early age, be gradually inducted into the office. Some young female of their own age, is perhaps sick. Let them solicit their mother and the friends of the diseased, to permit them to be present a part or all of the time, that they may observe and early under- stand the art of taking care of the sick. Let the young woman solicit her mother, I say; because I apprehend, as I have done all along, that the work of reformation in this matter, no less than in others, must begin with the young woman. She finds herself twelve, fourteen or sixteen years of age, and entering upon a life involving duties and responsibilities, to her before unthought of — and for which she finds herself most sadly un- prepared. She believes in the necessity of self-effort. What conscience tells her ought to be done, she decides to do. She goes forward intelligently: and what she begins, she re- solves, if possible, shall be finished. Let it not be objected, that the introduction of the young to the sick-room will expose them, unnecessarily, either to contagion or the breathing of bad air. For as to contagion, there is probably much less of it in the world 26* 306 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. than many suppose. But whether there is less or more danger, the best way to do, as the world is now situated, is, to inure ourselves, gradually, to disease. There are in New York and Philadelphia, many very aged per- sons, who have been employed as professional attendants of the sick during all the visitations of those cities with yellow fever and cholera, who have yet never taken either of those dis- eases. It is our fear of taking disease, very often, which makes us take it. The sum total of the danger to the community, as a community, of contracting even contagious disease, will actually be much lessened, rather than in- creased, by all our young females being trained in the art and practice of nursing the sick. And the same might be said of the danger from bad air; because, the better the nurse is — that is, the more thoroughly and scientifically she understands her profession — the more pains will be taken in regard to ventilating, both the rooms of the sick and of those who are healthy. I know, very well, that to be a complete professional nurse, requires a good deal of instruction in anatomy, physiology, hygiene TAKING CARE OF THE SICK. 307 and chemistry — to say nothing of botany, and pharmacy, and materia medica. But arc not females fully competent for all this? Arc they not as much so, to say the least, as males? Besides, the same information which is so in- dispensable to a nurse, if it should not be much wanted for this purpose — (for some fe- males would not be needed as nurses, to a very great extent) — would be of inestimable value in the early management of a family. What can be more pitiable, than to see a young widowed mother — say at twenty-five or thirty years of age — in poverty, in a situation remote from neighbors, with three or four children sick with some epidemic disease — while she is utterly unacquainted with the best methods of taking care of them. Let it be supposed, still further, that she is without a physician, and destitute of a nurse, excepting herself. What is she to do? Take care of them herself she cannot, as she may honestly tell you; having never taken care of a sick person, even a near relation, for so much as a single day or night in her whole life! " I was sick and ye visited me," is repre- sented, moreover, by the Judge of all the earth, as one of the grounds — not of salvation 308 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. from sin — but of final reward in the world of spirits. But can any one believe our Saviour here means those empty, hollow-hearted visits now so common among us? — just going, I mean, to a sick neighbor's door, and asking how she does — or peradventure stepping in, only to stare at the sufferer, and with a half suppressed breath and a sigh, to hope to com- fort her by wishing she may ultimately re- cover? No such thing. The Saviour, by vis- iting the sick, meant those kind and valuable offices which are worthy of the name ; espe- cially, when performed by the kind and gentle hand of a lovely, intelligent, benevolent and pious woman. Oh, young woman! hadst thou but a glimpse of one half the angelic offices in thy power, how wouldst thou labor and pray for those qualities and that education, which would enable thee to act up to the dignity of thy nature, in the sight of God, angels and men! How wouldst thou labor to accomplish thy noble destiny! CHAPTER XXIX. INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. Futility of the question whether woman is or is not inferior to man. Conversation as a means of improvement. Taci- turnity and loquacity. Seven rules in regard to con- versation. Reading another means of mental progress. Thoughts on a perverted taste. Choosing the evil and refusing the good. Advice of parents, teachers, ministers, &c. Advice of a choice friend. Young people reluctant to be advised. Set hours for reading. Reading too much. Reading but a species of talking. Composition. Common mistakes about composing. Attempt to set the matter right. Journalizing. How a journal should be kept. Music. Vocal music something more than a mere accomplishment. Lectures and concerts. Studies. Keys of knowledge. Much has been said, incidentally, in the preceding chapter, of the importance of ex- tended intellectual improvement. Besides, I have treated at large on this subject in an- other volume,* to which, as scarcely less adapted to the condition of young women than that of young wives, I must refer the reader. * See the Young Wife, chap, xxxiii. p. 292. 310 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. What I have to say in this work, will be little more than an introduction to the views there presented. The Ions agitated question, whether woman is or is not equal to man in capacity for intel- lectual improvement, need not, surely, be dis- cussed in this place. It is sufficient, perhaps, to know, that every young woman is capable of a much higher degree of improvement than she has yet attained, and to urge her forward to do all she can for herself, and to do it with all her might. I have already mentioned, in preceding chapters, several sources of improvement — especially observation and reflection. But there are many sources of instruction accessible to those who are willing to be instructed, both external and internal. Some of these will now be made the subjects 'of a few passing re- marks. I. Conversation. — It is seldom, if ever, that we meet with an individual of either sex, whose conversational powers have been pro- perly directed. To develope, cultivate and perfect these powers, seems hardly to be re- garded as a part of education. We have left INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 311 the tongue, like the rest of the frame to which it is attached, and of which it forms a compo- nent part, to go very much at random. In some, to be sure, it goes quite fast enough, and continues on the wing quite long enough; but it is too apt to go without rule, measure or profit — that is, comparatively so. Now, to teach the tongue to go as it should — to teach it how to go, and how long, and when and where to make use of its power — is not, by any means, a small matter, or a very easy task. But ought not all this, and much more, to be done? The old notion, that taciturnity is wisdom, is now very generally believed to be un- founded. Those North American Indians who are most remarkable for this trait of charac- ter, are not found to be a whit wiser than other tribes who are more loquacious. And what is found by observation to be true of nations or tribes, is equally true of indi- viduals. One of the most taciturn persons I ever knew, and who passed with many for a very wise man, because he was very silent and grave, turned out, on a more intimate acquaintance, to be silent because he had nothing of importance to say. 312 THE YOUxNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. Nor is loquacity uniformly a mark of wis- dom. Some, indeed, talk a great deal, because they have a great deal to say: you will find a few such in a thousand. Others talk inces- santly, either because they have nothing else to do, or will do nothing else. They do not, indeed, talk sense, or produce ideas; for sense and ideas they have not. At least, their sense is not common or sound sense; and as for their ideas, they are all superficial or borrowed. Immense is the good which may be done in society, by conversation. There is hardly an art or a science, the elements of which, to say the least, may not be inculcated orally; that is, by conversation. But it is not necessary that our conversation, in order to be useful, should always be very scientific. There are a thousand topics of interest that have never yet been dignified with the name of science, which might yet be discussed in our familiar circles to a very great extent, and with both profit and pleasure. When our conversation takes the form of story-telling, it is of still more absorbing interest, than when it is confined to mere ordi- nary colloquy. Here, again, a vast field of improvement opens upon our view. Few ac- INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. ,313 quiremcnts are more valuable to a young wo- man who expects ever to be at the head of a school or a family, than the art of relating a story well; and yet, owing to the neglect of this matter in education, no art, perhaps, is more uncommon. A few leading principles, duly attended to, will, it is believed, enable those who have already had some teaching on this subject, to turn their conversation to better advantage; as well as aid, in the work of reformation, those who have not been duly instructed. 1. We should enunciate correctly, and speak distinctly. Few persons do this; and hence much of the pleasure which might other- wise be had, is lost. 2. We should endeavor, as far as in us lies, to speak with grammatical correctness. The custom of having two sorts of language — one for composition and the other for common conversation — appears to me to have a very ill tendency. I would have no one converse in a language he does not understand; but I would have every one converse correctly. 3. We should endeavor to select such topics as are not only profitable to one party — either ourselves or those with whom we are 27 314 THE YOUNG WOMAJS's GUIDE. conversing — but such also as are likely to be acceptable. It is of little use to force a topic, however great, in our judgment, may be its importance. 4. Conversation should be direct — though not confined too long to one point or topic. But while one subject is up, you should know how to keep it up; or if the thoughts of either party wander, you should know how to return to it, without too much apparent effort. 5. Conversation, like every thing else under the sun, should have its time and place. It is as wrong to converse when we ought to read, or study, or labor, or play, as it is to read or play when we ought to converse. Social life has a great many vacancies, as it were, which good, and sprightly, and well chosen conversation should fill up. 6. Conversation should be sprightly. If we converse not in this way, we might almost as well dispense with conversation entirely. We might nearly as well resort to the dead for society; — to the dead, I mean, who speak to us through the medium of their works. Of course I refer to conversation in general. 7. We should remember our responsibili- ties. " For every idle word that men speak, INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 315 they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment" — said He who is to preside at the dread tribunal of which he spake: and an apostle has told us, that "our conversation should be in heaven;" that is, as I understand it, should be heavenly in its nature. II. Reading. — There are, as I suppose, few young women of the present day, who do not read more or less; and to whom reading is not, in a greater or less degree, a source of intellectual improvement. Their reading is, however, governed chiefly by whim, or fancy, or accident — or at most, by taste. Some read newspapers only ; some read only novels; some read every thing, and therefore nothing. Each of these methods — if methods they can be called — is wrong. But shall not a young woman be governed by her taste ? Is that to be turned wholly out of doors? My reply is, that though our taste is not to be turned out of doors, wholly, it is, neverthe- less, a very imperfect guide, and needs cor- rection. Our intellect, like our moral and physical likes and dislikes, is perverted by the fall. I will not sav that our moral, intel- 316 THE YOUNG VVOMAN*S GUIDE. lectual and physical tastes are perverted in an equal degree; for I do not think so. Still there is a perversion, greater or less, of the whole man — in all his functions, faculties and affections. As a general rule, when left to our own course, we choose that food, for body, mind and soul, which, though it may be pleasant at first, is bitter afterwards. " There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof is death." Still it may be said — If our intellectual tastes are perverted, how are they to be set right? Why not, I ask, in the same way that our moral taste is — by the word and truth of God? "To the law and to the testimony." The application of the doctrines I am now advocating, belongs, most properly, to parents and teachers; religious teachers, especially. Parents, aided by ministers of the gospel, and perhaps the family physician, should decide for the young, individually, what means of intellectual improvement are best for them, all things considered; what books, society, stu- dies, &c. Eut I must confine my remarks to books and reading. It is not difficult to decide what the tastes of a child shall be, in regard to reading. I INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 317 will not, indeed, say that a parent may at once do every thing she desires; but she may do a great deal. The child's moral and intellectual tastes are about as fully at her command, as its physical ones; and who shall say that her power in the latter respect, is second to any but that of the Creator? It is not for parents, however, that I am now writing; but for those whose taste, by the aid or neglect of parents, is already formed. If formed on the basis of the word and truth of God — if they are inclined to prefer the best books and reject the worst, then all is well: but if not, then the work of self-educa- tion is, in this respect, to set that right which has hitherto been wrong. Hardly any thing can be of greater impor- tance in this matter, than the assistance of a friend, in whom we can confide, in making our selection. This is as necessary in regard to newspapers, as to books. She who reads newspapers, indiscriminately, will derive little benefit from them; as her head will be filled with such a mixture of truth and falsehood, and wisdom and folly, as will be likely to do her more harm than good. Few will road to advantage, who have not 27 • 318 their set hours for reading. It is true, that unforeseen circumstances may, at times, break in upon our arrangement, and impede our progress in knowledge; but if we have no arrangement or system at all, we shall find our progress impeded still more. Do not read too much. The world is almost deluged with books. Not only see that your selection is as it should be, in regard to the character of the books, but beware of having too many of them. A few, well read and un- derstood, will be more valuable, as well as more satisfactory. The importance of sometimes reading aloud, has been mentioned. It has other advantages, however, than merely the exercise of the lungs. With a proper monitor at hand, it may be made a useful aid in correcting our enunciation, as well as in improving our con- versational powers. Reading is but speaking the thoughts of others instead of our own; and she is the best reader — and infleed most likely to be made wiser by reading — who speaks the most naturally. Our reading should be such, generally, that a friend, in an adjoining room, would find it difficult to tell whether we were reading or conversing. INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 319 III. Composition. — Next to conversation and reading, as a means of intellectual improve- ment, I place composition. This is nothing) either more or less — at least it should not he — than talking on paper. As reading is merely talking over the thoughts of others — conversing in another's words — so composi- tion is merely conversing with others through the medium of a piece of paper. It is a most delightful consideration, that it has pleased God to secure to us a written language. Are we grateful enough for the gift? Do we think enough of the privilege of conversing in this way with friends in nearly every quarter of the globe ? One of the most valuable kinds of compo- sition is letter-writing, or epistolary corres- pondence. This, above all, should be in the style of familiar though well directed conver- sation. I wish, with all my heart, that people could get rid of the idea, that there should be one style for conversation, and another for writing. Here is the stumbling-stone on which youth of both sexes have been stumbling, time im- memorial; and on which, I fear, many will be likely to stumble for some time to come. 320 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. Could they get rid of this strange belief — could they perceive, most clearly, that com- position is nothing more than putting our thoughts on paper, instead of delivering them by word of mouth — and that conversation is nothing less than composition, except that the words are written as it were in the air, in- stead of being placed on a sheet of paper — how soon would the complaints about the tediousness of composition cease to be heard. Some young women, of sixteen, or eighteen, or twenty years of age, appear to regard letter- writing as childish. They talk of having once been so foolish as to be addicted to the prac- tice; but as having now outgrown it. Such persons have no conception of the vast impor- tance of this species of composition, as an aid to correct thinking and correct writing. The more we think, the more and better we are able to think; and the more we write, the more thoughts we have which we wish to put down. One valuable form of putting down thoughts — next to letter-writing — consists in keeping a journal. I often wonder why our families and schools should encourage almost every thing else, rather than letter-writing and jour- INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 321 nalizing. Our familiar letters to familiar friends, might often consist of extracts from our daily journals. But here, again, there has been great error. Journals have usually consisted of the driest details, or exteriors of events. The young should be encouraged to record their feelings in them; their hopes and fears — their antici- pations and their regrets — their joys and their sorrows — their repentances and their resolu- tions. Such journals, with old and young, could not fail to advance the intellect, even if they should not improve the heart. IV. Music. — Attention to music — vocal mu- sic, especially — should always form a part of female education. The day is gone by, as I trust, when it was customary to say that none but the gifted could acquire this accomplish- ment. It is now, I believe, pretty well under- stood, that all persons may learn to sing, as well as to read. Not, of course, equally well, in either case; but all can make a degree of progiM 98. I have called singing an accomplishment; but it seems to me to be much more. Its bearing upon the health, and even upon the 322 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. intellect, is very great. Even its moral ten- dency is by no means small. The value of music, to soothe the feelings and cast out the evil spirits which haunt the path of human life, has never yet received that measure of attention which it deserves. Even in those parts of continental Europe, where all the peasants sing, and are accus- tomed to fill the air with their cheerful and harmonious voices as they go forth to prose- cute their daily tasks, no less than in their families — even there, I say, the full power and value of music are not understood. They make it, by far too much, a sort of sensual gratification. Let it be redeemed, for abetter and a nobler purpose. Let it become a com- panion of science and literature, as well as of industry and of virtue — and religion, still more than all. V. Lectures and Concerts. — Lectures are often useful, even when they do no more than afford an agreeable means of passing an hour's time. They are not indispensable to those young women who love study; but are more useful as a means of exciting inquiry in those who have very little fondness for it. Besides, INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 3 L 2S there are lectures, at times, on subjects which cannot be found in books; and in such cases they may be specially useful to all. As for concerts, and parties of all sorts, attended as they usually are in the evening, there are many objections to them — though, as society is now regulated, it may not be best to denounce them altogether. Home is the proper place for young women, as well as for other honest people, after dark; at least this ought to be the general rule. If lectures, concerts, &c, could be attended in the afternoon, there would be fewer objec- tions to them. Even then, however, there would probably be more or less of intellectual dissipation connected with their attendance. It is to be regretted that time, which is so valuable, cannot be better employed, than in mere running abroad, because others are going. When these exercises are attended, we should do all we can to turn them to good account. VI. Studies. — If any young woman could have some judicious friend, male or female, to advise her what books to read, and what studies to pursue — and if the non-essentials 324 in dress, &c, were discarded — I cannot help thinking that life is long enough to give her an opportunity to become mistress of every thing which is usually thought to belong to a good English education. I will venture to say, that there is hardly a girl of twelve years of age, whose circumstances are so unfavorable as to prevent her from thus acquiring the keys of knowledge by the time she is twenty- five years of age, could she be directed in a proper manner. I have spoken of acquiring the keys of knowledge, as if this were the first object of a course of studies. And such I regard it. I know, indeed, that we reap some of the fruits of almost all our acquired knowledge, imme- diately: still, the greater part remains for years to come. No young woman should fail to be thoroughly versed in spelling, reading, writing, composi- tion, grammar, geography and arithmetic — and, as much as possible, in anatomy, physi- ology, hygiene, chemistry, botany, natural history, philosophy, domestic and political economy, civil and ecclesiastical history, biography, and the philosophy of the Bible — to say nothing of geology, and the higher branches of mathematics. INTELLECTUAL IMPROVEMENT. 325 One word in regard to your hand-writing. Nothing is more common, in these days, than to write in a most illegible manner — a mere scribble. Now, whatever young men may do in this respect, I beseech every young wo- man to avoid this wretched, slovenly habit. Hardly any thing appears more interesting to me, in a young woman, than a neat, delicate, and at the same time plain style of hand- writing. I have mentioned a considerable number of studies, not because I think they can be ac- quired at once — or even their keys; but we are to proceed in them slowly, step by step, endeavoring to understand thoroughly as far as we go — till, in a course of years we have become adepts in them all. I do not say, till we have become perfect in them; fori do not believe in any perfection in these matters. Do not pursue too many studies at once: it is the most useless thing that can be done. Your knowledge, should you get any, would in that way be confused and indefinite, instead of being clear, and practical, and useful to you. I would never pursue more than one or two leading sciences at one time; and in general, I think that one is better than more. 28 326 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. If you pursue more than one, let them be such as are particularly related; as geography and history. Let me say, in closing this chapter, that the great end of all intellectual culture, is to teach the art of thinking, and of thinking right. To learn to think, merely, is to rise only one degree above the brute creation. To learn to think ivell, however, is noble ; worthy of the dignity of human nature, and of the Author of that nature. CHAPTER XXX. SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. Improvement in a solitary state. The social relations. Mother and daughter. Father and daughter. Brother and sister. The elder sister. Brethren and sisters of the great human family. The family constitution. Character of Fidelia. Her resolutions of celibacy. In what cases the latter is a duty. A new and interesting relation. Se- lection with reference to'it. Principles by which to be gov- erned in making a selection. Evils of a hasty or ill-judged selection. Counsellors. Anecdote of an unwise one. Great caution to be observed. Direction to be sought at the throne of grace. Were there but a single individual in the wide world, that individual, with the laws that woman now has to guide her — laws internal and external, natural and revealed — would be susceptible of endless and illimitable im- provement. She might make advances every- day — and it would be her duty to do so — up- ward toward the throne of God, and towards the perfection of him who occupies it. 328 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. But if much might be done by an indi- vidual in a solitary state, how much more may be accomplished in the social state in which it has pleased our Heavenly Father to place us? It is difficult to turn our eyes in any direction, without being met by numerous and striking proofs of divine wisdom and benevo- lence; but if there be any one thing in the whole moral world, short of the redemption by Jesus Christ, which overwhelms me with won- der, and leads me to adore more than any thing else, it is the divine wisdom and be- nevolence, as manifested in the social state allotted to man. How interesting — how exceedingly so — the relation between a mother and a daughter? And how many blessings — deficient as many mothers are in knowledge and love — are showered upon the head of a young woman, through maternal instrumentality! In no case, however, is this relation more interesting, than when the young woman is just beginning to act for herself. Then, if ever, should she avail herself of them. She knows little of the world before her — either of the dangers on the one hand, or the advantages on the other. Of these, however, the mother knows much. SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 329 Let the daughter value her society and good counsel ahove all else human, and lay hold of it as for her life. How interesting, too, the relation between a wise and good father, and a virtuous and affectionate daughter! I am most struck, however, with this relation — and most re- minded of the divine goodness in its institu- tion — when I see a daughter ministering to the wants, moral and physical, of a very aged relative — parent or grand-parent; one who is superannuated or sick. There are, in civilized society — and above all, where the rays of the blessed gospel of the Son of God have been let in — scenes on which angels themselves might delight to gaze, and on which I have no doubt they do gaze with the most intense delight. Would that such scenes were still more frequent! Would that filial love was always what it should be, in- stead of degenerating into cold formalities. "How have I been charmed," says Addi- son, "to see one of the most beauteous wo- men the age has produced, kneeling to put on an old man's slipper." And so have I. It is a sight which revives one's hopes of fallen nature. No matter if the infirmities of the 28* 330 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. parent are the consequences of his own folly, vice and crime: the same soft hand is still employed, day after day — and the same coun- tenance is lighted up with a smile, at being able thus to employ it. But when to the tenderest love on the part of a young woman in this relation, and to the kindest efforts to promote the temporal hap- piness and comfort of those whom she holds dear, is joined a love for the mind and soul ; when every opportunity is laid hold of with eagerness, to inform, and improve, and ele- vate — and this, too, though the subject of her labor is the most miserable wreck of hu- manity of which we can conceive; when to works of love is added the warmest prayers, at the bedside and elsewhere, for almighty aid and favor; the interest of the scene is indescribable. It needs a more than mortal pen or pencil, to portray it. There are other relations of society — rela- tions of the young woman, I mean, in particu- lar — which are of great importance and inter- est. Among these, are the relations of brother and sister. Perhaps I am inclined to make too much of the passage of scripture — already noticed in SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 331 another chapter — where Cain is said to have been set over Abel, in the very language which is used to signify the superiority of Adam over Eve. And yet it must mean something. There is a mutual dependence between brothers and sisters of every age, which should result in continual improvement — intellectual, moral and religious. The du- ties involved in this relation, however, will be more especially binding on the elder brothers and sisters; and as it appears to me, above all, on an elder sister. Indeed, in this re- spect, it is impossible for me to be mistaken. An elder sister is a sort of second mother; and she often fulfils the place of a mother. Oh, how important — how sacred — the trust com- mitted to her keeping! I have seen the care of a large family de- volve, by the death of the mother, upon the elder daughter. Instead of her being dis- heartened at all, I have known her to go for- ward in the pathway of duty — sensible, at the same time, of her dependence on her heavenly Father — and not only instruct the other chil- dren, but "train them up," in some good de- gree, " in the way they should go." Do you think I respected or loved this 332 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. young woman the less, because she was thus early a housekeeper, a matron, and a mother? Do you think I esteemed her the less, be- cause — exclusive of the common school — she had no seminary of instruction? Her educa- tion was a thousand times more valuable than that of the fashionable routine of the schools, without the kind of discipline she had. A world whose females were all educated in the family schools — and especially in the school of affliction, and poverty, and hard- ship — would be incomparably a better world than one whose young women should "wear soft clothing," and live in "kings' courts " — who should be educated by merely fashion- able mothers, amid ease and abundance, and "finished" at the institute or the boarding school. Let me not be understood, in all this, as undervaluing kind mothers, and boarding schools, and comforts — and luxuries, even — in themselves considered. All I mean to dis- courage, is, a reliance on them, to the exclu- sion of other things of more importance. If we could have the latter in the first place — difficulties, hardships, hard labor, and adver- sity — and upon these engraft the former, I SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 333 should like it exceedingly well. What I dis- like is, not polish or tinsel, in itself — but polish on that which is not worth polishing; and above all, nothing but polish. Let every young woman whose eye meets these paragraphs, rejoice, if she has younger brothers or sisters — or even if she has brothers or sisters at all. The younger may do some- thing for the older, as well as the older much for the younger. And if she is without either, there are probably other and remoter relatives for whom something may be done. I have alluded, elsewhere, to grand-parents. There are usually uncles, and aunts, and cousins — sometimes in great numbers. There is much due to these. I know, very well, that our over-refinement, in an over-refined and diseased society, says otherwise, of late; and that our time is expended more and more — especially that of females — on our own dear selves, to the exclusion of remoter relatives. But this should not be the case, especially when there arc no nearer ones. Whether, however, we have brethren or sisters, properly so called, and other more distant relatives, or not, we have brethren and sisters. The world is but a great family ; and all are brethren, or 334 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. ought to be so. We should love all — even our enemies — as brethren; but we should love, with the deepest and most enduring affection, those who love God most ardently. "My mother and brethren are they that hear the word of God and do it," said the Saviour; and it is only in proportion as we possess his spirit, that we shall be found to belong, in the truest sense, to his family. The ties of which I have been speaking, in the preceding paragraphs, will have but poorly answered their purpose, if they have not had the effect to raise us to this universal love referred to by the Saviour. For this they were chiefly instituted; and to this, in the best state of human society, do they tend. They do not lead us to love relations, usually so called, any less: neither did they have this effect on Jesus. But they lead us to love the world at large, more. If young women would have the spirit of our Lord and Saviour — or if they would be instruments in his hands of hastening the glad day of his more complete reign on the earth and in the hearts of his intelligent family — they must strive to come up to this love of the human family. It is to elevate them to this SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 335 love, I again say, that the family institution, with all the interesting relations which grow out of it, was instituted. When it has ac- complished this work, though it will not cease to be valuable, in the abstract, it will be less valuable relatively — because it will absorb a smaller proportion of our thoughts and affec- tions, and leave a larger proportion for the world in general, and its Creator. I have quoted, elsewhere, the sentiments of Addison, in regard to the filial affection of daughters. In the same paper, this interest- ing writer embodies his views on this subject, in the character of a young woman by the name of Fidelia, whose devotion to her father he describes as follows: " Fidelia is now in the twenty-third year of her age ; but the application of many ad- mirers, and her quick sense of all that is truly elegant and noble in the enjoyment of a plen- tiful fortune, are not able to draw her from the side of her good old father. When she was asked by a friend of her deceased mother to admit the courtship of her son, she an- swered that she had a great respect and grati- tude to her for the overture in behalf of one so near to her; but that during her father's life, 336 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. she would admit into her heart no value for any thing which should interfere with her en- deavors to make his remains of life as happy and easy as could be expected in his circum- stances. The happy father has her declara- tion that she will not marry during his life, and the pleasure of seeing that resolution not uneasy to her." Now, though I am not quite satisfied with the selfishness of the father, in this case — nor with the notion of Fidelia, that the particular friendship of another would interfere materially with her filial duties — yet I do not undertake to say that there are no cases in which a young woman has the right — the moral right — to make resolutions not unlike that made by Fi- delia. It does not seem that her resolution to neglect the society of others for the sake of discharging an important filial duty, was for a longer period than during the short life of a very decrepid old father. I have introduced this subject in this place, as the preface to a series of remarks on that particular relation which every young wo- man — except, perhaps, a few who are situated like Fidelia — ought to be prepared to sus- tain, and to sustain well. Indeed, I consider SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 337 this to be paramount, at a suitable age, to every other; and that no duty can, as a general rule, be more obligatory. He who instituted the law of marriage, has not, indeed, condescended to say how early or in what circumstances this command must be yielded to, or obeyed; but, as a general rule, he requires it to be obeyed, in some form or other, and at some time or other. Or, to ex- press the views I entertain more correctly, I should say, that no young woman, in ordinary circumstances, has a right to resolve to neg- lect the subject forever — or to say she never will marry. She is to consider the command of the Creator as obligatory, as a general fact, on the whole human race. She must remember, moreover, that if it is binding on the whole, it must be so on the individuals composing that whole. On these principles the education of every young woman should, as I think, be con- ducted; and if, by the neglect of parents, masters or guardians, it has not been so, then it should be the aim of the young woman her- self, in her efforts at self-education, to sup- ply what has been by others omitted. Some of the items in this work of education have 39 338 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. been alluded to — not only in the chapter on ''Domestic Concerns," and in that on "Econ- omy," but elsewhere. My purpose at the present time, is merely to speak of the selec- tion of her society with reference to her fu- ture state of life. This is a subject of the highest importance to the happiness — present and future — of every young woman. The marriage relation, considered only as a means of completing the education of the parties, is one of immense importance. But it is of still greater im- portance, in reference to other duties which it involves. Hence it requires much fore- thought and reflection. Let me prevail with you, therefore, when I urge upon you the fol- lowing considerations: 1. Never think for one moment of the society of any other than a good man. What- ever may be his intrinsic endowments — wit, beauty, talent, rank, property or prospects — all should be as nothing to you, unless his character is what it should be. Of course, I am not encouraging you to look for angelic perfection or purity on this earth; but do not make too many allowances, on the other hand, for frailty. A close examination, as with the SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 339 microscope, will disclose irregularity and roughness on the most polished or smooth surface: how then will that surface appear, which is uneven without the microscope? If it were possible for your associate for life to come apparently near celestial purity and ex- cellence, a closer acquaintance would, most undoubtedly, convince you that he was of ter- restrial origin. Do the best you can, there- fore, and you will do ill enough. 2. It is not sufficient, however, that the friend you seek should be good — that is, nega- tively so: he must do good. Multitudes, in these days, pass for good men because they do no harm; or because, at most, they main- tain a good standing, and are benevolent, in the eye of the world. I know of more than one person in the world, who gives his property by thousands, annually — and whose praise is in all the churches — who never yet gave any thing worth naming, in his life, if the gospel rule on this subject is the correct one — that the widow who of her penury cast into the treasury two mites, in reality cast in more than all they who of their abundance be- stowed large and liberal sums. 340 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. Let your associate, therefore, be a doer of good, in deed and in truth. This is said, however, with the supposition that you are so yourself; for if I have not already convinced you that the great end for which you were sent into the world is to do good, I shall not expect to do so by any remarks which could be thrown in here. If you are still out of the way, it is to be feared you will remain so: nor shall I expect you — for reasons to be seen presently — to seek the society of those who do not possess the same turn of mind. 3. It is highly desirable that the individual with whom you associate for life, should be something more than merely a good man. This, however, does not explain my mean- ing. For are there not many of the most excellent persons in the world, whom you would not willingly take for a daily compan- ion? Do you not desire likeness in opinion, taste, purpose, &c. Might not the two very best persons in the world be unhappy in each other's constant society, if they were exceed- ingly unlike each other? In the establishment, then, of this interest- ing relation, seek by all means an individual who appears to entertain views of social life, SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 341 as much as possible, like your own. Does he find his happiness in going abroad, or in lounging? Is he impatient in the society of children? Is he a great friend of parade and excitement? And are you the reverse of all this? Do you love most the quiet and retire- ment of home — and to be surrounded by infancy and childhood? Do you dread, above almost all things in the world, excitement and parade ? Does your friend hate nothing so much as his own thoughts and reflections? Does he dread, also, like the cholera or the plague, all efforts at mental or moral improvement ? Does he hate improving conversation — and above all, those books and associates which have the improvement and elevation of the body, mind and spirit, for their great and leading object? And have you a dillerent taste — en- tirely so? Do you live — do you eat, drink, sleep, wake, exercise, dress, labor, play, con- verse, read, and think, and pray that you may become wiser, and better, and holier? In short, is the ultimate object of the one, the gratification of self — and docs all, with him, terminate in the external ; while the other seeks primarily, in all things, the im- 29* 342 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. provement, the holiness and the happiness of herself and others? How can such per- sons be suitable companions for each other? Can two walk together, says the scripture, unless they are agreed — that is, agreed as to the main points and purposes of life ? I know of no being whom I so much pity, as a young woman who, believing, perhaps, that a "reformed rake," once handsome, or it may be, a wit, makes the best companion, has become chained for life to a stupid, shift- less creature — one whose energies of body and soul are exhausted, and seem unsuscep- tible of being renovated or restored — one, too, with whom, in that more intimate ac- quaintance which time and circumstances afford her, proves to be totally unworthy of her hand or her heart! I have said that I know of no being so pitiable, as a young woman thus situated. I know of none, I mean to say, except a young man in similar circumstances. Did the effects of these unhappy companionships terminate on themselves, the misfortune would not be so great. Woman, at any rate, with her for- titude, might endure it. But it is not usually so; and here is the great evil. Misery is SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. .343 inflicted on a new generation; one that has done nothing to deserve it. Let me entreat my readers, therefore, while I urge them to regard the companionship of which I am now speaking as a matter of duty, to be exceedingly careful in their selection of a companion. Choose ; but do not be in haste. On the wisdom of your choice, much more depends than you can now possibly imagine: — it is for your life. Would you could realize this truth: for, though so old and so often repeated that it may appear rather stale, it is not the less true for its age. Have nothing to do, above all, with those who despise your sex. There is a large number of young men — much larger, indeed, than you may be aware, who have caught the spirit, not to say sentiments, of Byron, in regard to woman. They have caught them, I say; but this, perhaps, is not so. I will only say they have them. I know not how, as a general fact, they came by them. I can only say that they are often very early imbibed; and that they grow with their growth and strengthen with their strength. Would to Heaven this utter skep- ticism in regard to female worth and purity 344 could be removed; or rather prevented. It is the bane of social life — as I could show, were I disposed to do so, by a thousand illus- trations. As a general rule — to which perhaps there are some exceptions — it is according to human nature to suspect others to be wanting in those virtues which we are conscious we are want- ing in ourselves. Find a person wanting in sterling integrity, and he is the very person to be found complaining of the want of it in others. I will not say that his complaints are not sometimes — indeed, quite too often — just; I only say, that whether just or not, neither his suspicions nor complaints prove them to be so. Eeware, then — I beseech you, beware — of the young man who is ever prating about the innate worthlessness, not to say vice, of your sex. I do not say, reject him for- ever, simply on suspicion; for that would be to go to the other extreme. But though I have admitted that there may possibly be ex- ceptions in regard to the general rule I have laid down, I also insist that they are rare. Therefore, I again say, be wary in forming your friendships — and especially so, in suffer- ing them to become more and more intimate. SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 345 Precisely in these circumstances is it, that you may derive immense benefit from a dis- creet female friend. But in this, too, you must be deliberate, and use great judgment; for there arc many whose views on this subject are such as entirely to disqualify them for the office of an adviser. I remember hearing a lady of great gravity — though of much good sense in all other respects — say, that she thought the friends of a young woman were much more competent to select a companion for her, than she was to make the selection for herself. I was so struck with the remark, that not knowing but I misapprehended her meaning, I ventured to inquire whether she really meant to say, that other people could judge better in regard to selecting a companion for life, than the parties most concerned in the choice. To which she answered, Yes, without hesitation; and imme- diately went upon a defence of her opinion. I was as little pleased, however, with the defence, as with the assertion; for the whole thing carried absurdity on the very face of it. It cannot, surely, be so; it is contrary to the very nature of things. I cannot help counselling you to be a wary of such an adviser, as of the friend to whom 346 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. she would direct your attention. The choice — the final choice — be it never forgotten, rests on you: because on you rests the responsi- bilities. While, therefore, you seek, with great earnestness, for advice, seek it as advice only. Neither seek, nor admit, in any case, a dictator. Be it also ever remembered, that it is your duty to sift, with great care, the opinions and views of one in whom you are daily becoming more and more deeply interested. If it be even true, that woman is not distinguished for perseverance, let this fact only stimulate you to use what powers of perseverance you pos- sess. Though you are not to be held respon- sible for the exercise of talents which you have not, you are to account for what talents you have; and fearful may be the reward of the individual who is found delinquent in the matter before us; fearful in this life, even were it possible to escape punishment in the life to come. Let a comparison, then, be faithfully made of your views on all important subjects: — as female superiority or inferiority ; selfishness and benevolence; dress and equi- page; education of ourselves and others; discipline — its means, instruments and ends; SOCIAL IMPROVEMENT. 347 household management; amassing property; the chief end of human existence; particular duties, &c. Remember, moreover, in this matter, as well as in all other matters which concern your own happiness and the happiness of others— in this matter, I might say, which concerns your happiness more than almost all others — to seek the direction of that Being who has said, "If any lack wisdom, let him ask of God." You cannot, surely, obey this first injunction on the human race without first and always— at every step of your course — seeking for His approbation. You can- not, in one word, be concerned in a duty which may involve the destinies— present and eternal — of millions and millions of human beings, without looking upward toward the throne of God, and soliciting, with all the humility, as well as confidence, of the most devoted child of an earthly parent, that wisdom and guidance which are to be found in all fulness in the leather of lights, and which, when properly apprehended, can never mis- lead you. CHAPTER XXXI. MORAL PROGRESS. Importance of progress. Physical improvement a means rather than an end. The same true of intellectual improve- ment. The general homage which is paid to inoffensive- ness. Picture of a modern christian family. Measuring ourselves by others. Our Saviour the only true standard of comparison. Importance of self-denial and self-sacrifice. Blessedness of communicating. Young women urged to emancipate themselves from the bondage of fashion, and custom, and selfishness. After all I have said of the importance of physical, intellectual and social improve- ment and progress, it is moral progress for which we were, pre-eminently, created. The great end of Christianity itself — to use the words of a learned and eloquent divine — is, to make men better than they were before; but whether or not this expresses the entire truth, one thing is certain — that wherever Christianity fails to make man better, it fails of accomplishing its whole intention respecting MORAL PROGRESS. 319 him. Perhaps the apostle expressed the idea we would inculcate, in the fewest words and in the clearest manner, when he required his converts to "grow in grace and in the knowl- edge of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ." Mere physical improvement — or even phy- sical perfection, were it attainable — would hardly be worth the pains, if it were any thing more than a means to an end. We might study the subject of health, and practise its excellent rules with the utmost zeal and faithful consci- entiousness; and yet it would hardly prove a blessing to us, if it only gave us the more effi- ciency in the service of "the world, the flesh and the devil." And the same, or nearly the same, may be said of intellectual improve- ment and progress. Though the general ten- dency of both — when conscience is properly trained and the heart set right — is beneficial, yet it is not necessarily so, without a right heart and correct conscience. Satan is not wanting — so to speak — in intelligence or phy- sical energy. Physical and intellectual development and progress, therefore, are little more than means to secure an end. If they prove to be what it was the original intention of the Creator 30 350 they should be, they are eminently conducive to our highest interests, both as respects this world and the world which is to come. If otherwise, they do but accelerate, and in the end aggravate, our doom. They tend but to make our condemnation the more sure, and the more dreadful. I have urged, elsewhere, the importance of conscientiousness in every thing we do: let me especially recommend you to make continual progress in excellence or holiness, a matter of conscience. Do not be continu- ally measuring yourself — above all, your spi- ritual self — by your neighbors. If you are the true disciple of Christ, and if you are what a christian should be in this land of Christianity, you will not indulge yourself in comparisons with any but the Saviour himself. You will be daily and hourly striving to pos- sess more and more of his spirit; in the be- lief that without the spirit of Christ, you nei- ther are nor can be his. It is painful to think of the great number of individuals who go through life — often through a long life — and yet accomplish so little for themselves and others. That they are free from outward immorality or blame — as much MORAL PROGRESS. 351 so at least as their neighbors — seems to satisfy them. Some of the best families I know, are trained in this way. They are excellent people; they are disciples of Christ, if there are any such in the world: we cannot say aught against them, if we would. They seem to discharge all the external duties of our holy religion with a most scrupulous exact- ness; and they seem — the whole family — to bear the image of Christ. Whatsoever is true or lovely, is theirs; or appears to be so. And yet, if you examine closely the matter, you will find that much of all this is the result of circumstances. They possess, by inheri- tance, a happy temper — or they are in cir- cumstances which make virtue easy to them. But the spirit and genius of Christianity re- quire a great deal more than mere inoffensive- ness — though that is, of itself, certainly, a great deal. They require continual progress from glory to glory. But this progress can only be made amid self-denial, and cross-taking. " Whoso taketh not up his cross," daily and hourly, is not a true disciple of the great Teacher. It is even through " much tribula- tion " only, that we can enter into the king- dom of our Lord and Saviour. 352 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. Now, to what self-denials, what tribulations, what taking up of the cross, do these easy, lovely families of which I am speaking, ever subject themselves? Trained happily, they are generally healthy — and therefore they have few trials from sickness. They live in the midst of abundance, and always have done so — abundance of food, clothing, &c, and of what they regard as of the best quality. They have more than heart can wish: their eyes, as it were, stand out with fatness. They know nothing of want: they know nothing even of inconvenience — except for some hapless moment, when a neighbor gets a little ahead of them in the fashion of their dress, their equipage, or their tables. Then a feeling of envy — peradventure a half expressed feeling of detraction — appears to mar, for a short time, their peace. I have said that these inoffensive people — these do-no-harm christians — know nothing of want. When and where have they cut them- selves short of any thing to which they were lawfully entitled, for the sake of doing good to others? They have, indeed, performed works of charity and mercy, as much as other peo- ple of their own property and standing in MORAL PROGRESS. SoS society. But they have given, always, of their abundance. They have never so given as to impoverish the giver — so as to make him feel the least privation. They have visited the sick: but when has the time they have given, seriously incommoded them? Have they not had time enough left for their own purposes? Have they not, in this respect, given of their abundance ? Perhaps they have clothed the poor, to some extent; but have they denied themselves, to do it? Have not their closets, and houses, and the neighboring livery stables, been well furnished and sup- plied, notwithstanding? Have they not given, in this respect, wholly of their abundance — and not, like the good woman mentioned in the gospel, of their penury? It is exceedingly painful, I say again, to find professedly good people among us living, as Watts calls it, at such a poor, dying rate; the professed disciples of a Master who be- came poor for their sakes, by giving up, not only the luxuries of life, but even many of its necessaries — and yet not giving up or de- nying themselves a single thing all their lives long. Can such people expect to make advances 30* 354 THE YOUNG WOMAN 's GUIDE. in holiness — to grow in grace and in the knowledge of Christ — and yet not act like him, or follow him? For be it always remem- bered — the benefits of doing good are to those ivho do it, more than to those to whom it is done. This is the ordination and arrange- ment of Providence. "It is more blessed to give than to receive." How sad a mistake, then, is made by those who seem — from their conduct — to think there is little happiness in giving; and that their charities abridge, by so much, their happiness, instead of adding to it. Young woman, should it be your lot to be- long to one of these happy and excellent fami- lies — for I do not deny that they are among our best people, after all, though they are very far from having, as yet, come up to the self- denying, self-sacrificing spirit of the Lord that bought them, and become willing to be poor, and to suffer not a little want of time, money, Sec. for even their own apparent ne- cessities, temporal or spiritual — I say, if in the Providence of God you have been accustomed to see almost the whole time and labor of a family, with the avails of a handsome, or at least respectable property, used up year after year by that family, in eating, and drinking, MORAL PROGRESS. 355 and sleeping, and dressing comfortably — in mere passive enjoyment, in one word — while the blessedness of active enjoyment, in the doing of good to others, has been hardly known — be it yours to break the chain that binds this circle of selfishness, and go forth to the work of impoverishing yourself, as did your Lord and Master. Think not to make any considerable moral progress, otherwise! The soul must have food, as well as the body. This continual indulgence of the body, while the soul is unfed, or only fed just enough to keep it from starving, will never do for you. If you yield to the influence of this fashion- able kind of excellence, and strive not to rise higher, I will not say that you will live to little purpose; but I will say, that you will have but very little of real, valuable, immortal life, till you pass beyond the bounds of time and space. Whereas, you ought to begin your heaven here. For "this is the will of God, even your sanctiiication;" and it was the prayer of Paul concerning some to whom he wrote — "The God of peace sanctify you wholly." Will you not, then, oh, young woman! in view of these considerations, seek for deliver- 356 THE YOUNG WOMAN'S GUIDE. ance from the spell that binds thousands and millions of otherwise good people to a narrow, selfish circle, in which they continually wan- der — coining round and round again, every night, to the same spot, or nearly the same, but making no considerable progress? Will you not study, and labor, and pray, for more and more of the spirit of Him, who not only stripped himself of every glory to which he had been accustomed, but, instead of retain- ing that which was his divine right, deprived himself of every thing which is calculated to make life comfortable in the common sense of the term, and only sought his happiness in per- fecting holiness in the fear of God, by living and dyin<_ r for his brethren, the whole human family.' 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