DUKE 
 
 UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
f 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2017 with funding from 
 Duke University Libraries 
 
 
 
 https://archive.org/details/loudspeaker01laws 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
Act III 
 
 The Hypnotic Stranger 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 A Farce 
 
 BY 
 
 JOHN HOWARD LAWSON 
 
 Introduction by 
 JOSEPH WOOD KRUTCH 
 
 A New Playwrights’ Theatre Production 
 
 NEW YORK 
 
 THE MACAULAY COMPANY 
 
Copyright, 1925, 1927, by JOHN HOWARD LAWSON 
 All rights reserved including that of translation into foreign languages. 
 All acting rights, both professional and amateur, including motion picture 
 rights, are reserved in the United States, Great Britain, and all countries 
 of the Copyright Union by the author and publisher. 
 
 The play is dedicated to the reading public only and no performance 
 may be given without special arrangement with the publisher. 
 
 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES 
 
<y I £ 
 
 l y 
 
 “Look well to the hearthstone, 
 therein all hope for America lies” 
 
 
 Calvin Coolidge. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 was first presented by the New Playwrights’ Theatre, 
 at the 52nd St. Theatre, on March the second, 1927- 
 
 Staged by Harry Wagstaff Gribble ; Setting 
 designed by Mordecai Gorelik; Incidental 
 music by Eugene L. Berton ; Lyrics by Ed- 
 ward Eliscu; Dances directed by Leonard 
 Sillman. 
 
 THE CAST 
 
 Harry U. Collins* 
 
 Peterson 
 
 Emma Collins 
 
 Maid 
 
 Clare Collins 
 
 Josephus 
 
 Johnnie Dunne 
 
 Floradora Finnigan 
 
 A Stranger with a Beard 
 
 Dorothy Dunne 
 
 Armenian Iky 
 
 1st Reporter 
 
 2nd Reporter 
 
 3rd Reporter 
 
 1st Photographer 
 
 2nd Photographer 
 
 Seth Kendall 
 
 Porter Hall 
 
 . .Margaret Douglass 
 
 Isobel Stahl 
 
 .....Agnes Lombard 
 ... .Leonard Sillman 
 
 Romney Brent 
 
 Hilda Manners 
 
 . . . .Benjamin Osipov) 
 
 Reba Garden 
 
 Maurice Fein 
 
 . . .Benjamin Kamsler 
 Bernard L. Gottlieb 
 
 Miriam Gumble 
 
 Russell Wright 
 
 Boyd Clarke 
 
 The Harlem Committee: — Hemsley Winfield, Harold Des 
 Verney, H. Webster Elkins, Wm. Townsend, Jerome Addison, 
 McKinley Reeves. 
 
 The Imperial Serenaders: — Conductor, Lieut. Jacob W. Porter. 
 
 The part of Harry U. Collins was later taken by Mr. Julian Winter. 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 The reception of “Loud Speaker” suffered no little 
 from the fact that its author is a serious dramatist. 
 Those who had been thrilled by the passionate 
 beauty of his “Processional” and stirred by his fre- 
 quently intense but imperfect tragedy “Nirvanna” 
 seemed unable to surrender themselves to the bois- 
 terous mood of his farce. Bewildered by its reck- 
 less extravagance, they suspected some deep inten- 
 tion which they did not find and some of them at 
 least went away resentful because they had not per- 
 mitted themselves to laugh. Something of the sort 
 is likely to be the case when an essentially serious 
 man permits himself a holiday, but in the present in- 
 stance the fault lay entirely with the audience, for 
 though “Loud Speaker,” like every good burlesque, 
 touches upon things which need only be regarded 
 from a different angle to become tragic, it is, never- 
 theless, persistent and consistent burlesque. 
 
 What Mr. Lawson has done is to take both the 
 mechanics and the philosophy of the revolutionary 
 drama and to use them joyously. His setting is 
 “constructivist” — a series of platforms and stair- 
 
 ix 
 
X 
 
 INTRODUCTION 
 
 cases representing no particular place but serving 
 for whatever scene the action of the moment re- 
 quires ; his plot is neither unified nor consistent, but 
 marked instead by the phantasmagorial, nightmar- 
 ish confusion which, ever since Strindberg wrote the 
 “Dream Play,” has seemed to many “advanced” 
 writers the best symbol of the elusive meaninglessness 
 of our life; and his intellectual attitude is exactly 
 that of any man who can do no more than gasp with 
 amazement when the president of our republic rises 
 gravely to offer a tribute to the hearthstone as his 
 contribution to contemporary thought. But though 
 the farcical element has been present in Mr. Lawson’s 
 previous plays as it is almost of necessity present in 
 all plays which attempt to represent life under the 
 ambiguous aspect in which it presents itself to most 
 of us, “Loud Speaker” is the only one which has 
 been pure farce. In it the politician, the reporter, 
 the flapper and the vamp are divested of all possible 
 significance and, reduced to the status of mere stock 
 characters, appear before us as simple zanies. 
 
 Curiously enough the result is something which 
 might not inappropriately be called an American 
 example of the Comedia deU’arte. Many pages have 
 been written upon the merits of this particularly 
 light-hearted form of theatrical entertainment. We 
 have been bidden to see in its childish exuberance a 
 spirit which our overgrave generation should recap- 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 xi 
 
 ture, and solemn, all-too-portentously artistic re- 
 vivals have been staged of these vulgar burlesques ; 
 but they, with the pathos of distance upon them, be- 
 came something quite different from that which they 
 were. Now, Mr. Lawson, whose spirit is certainly 
 the reverse of the antiquarian and who arrived at his 
 goal by way of Moscow rather than of Venice, pro- 
 duces something which is actually an equivalent of 
 the Comedia delVarte. Columbine, Harlequin, and 
 the Doctor were stylicized versions of contemporary 
 types; time has made them something different to 
 us, but Mr. Lawson’s stylicized flapper and styli- 
 cized reporter bear much the same relation to our 
 times as the earlier figures did to theirs, and the 
 antics which he puts them through are not wholly 
 dissimilar to those in which their predecessors in- 
 dulged. 
 
 Mr. Lawson’s characters are not in the ordinary 
 sense of the word characters at all. To anyone not 
 familiar with modern life and modern satire his poli- 
 tician, for example, would be as meaningless as 
 Punch. Neither is his plot in any ordinary sense a 
 plot. When, for example, his flapper takes a few 
 jazzy steps with one of the men-servants and when 
 the politician goes into conference with two papier- 
 mache dummies, neither action has any meaning ex- 
 cept in connection with a definite tradition of satire. 
 Yet exactly the same thing was true in the case of 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 xii 
 
 the Comedia delVarte. A long tradition had estab- 
 lished certain comic types, the general nature of 
 their exploits was fixed in the spectator’s mind, and 
 the problem of the performer was to put the char- 
 acter through amusing variations upon his regular 
 routine. “Loud Speaker” is probably the first 
 American play to take complete advantage of the 
 fact that certain characters like the flapper and the 
 politician have reached the point where they may be 
 successfully used as puppets. Thus Mr. Lawson, in 
 search of something new, has succeeded in reevolving 
 the old. 
 
 No hocus-pocus surrounds the play. It was not 
 intended to be profound or particularly significant 
 of anj 7 esoteric thing. It w T as, however, intended to 
 be amusing and it requires no more than a certain 
 simplicity of mind on the part of the spectator or 
 reader to make it so. It is no more intellectual than 
 a vaudeville act, and yet a considerable number of 
 the same people who are highly entertained by the 
 antics of the tramp comedian in a burlesque show 
 who is invited to the duchess’s house party will object 
 to “Loud Speaker” because the action is so fantastic 
 and improbable. To those who are bewildered by 
 anything that is presented in a slightly unfamiliar 
 form it will be difficult but it will be difficult to no one 
 else. 
 
 When I saw the piece performed at the Play- 
 
INTRODUCTION 
 
 Xlll 
 
 wrights’ Theater I found it somewhat hard to imag- 
 ine dissociated from the stage. The mechanics of 
 presentation and the antics of the actors seemed 
 absolutely necessary to it. But upon reading the 
 text I am surprised to find how well it stands alone. 
 The lines themselves have a vigor and pointedness 
 which make them tell even when merely read. And 
 if one must find a significance even in a farce, per- 
 haps it had best be looked for in the opinion attrib- 
 uted to the politician: “You think the Truth is 
 merely a lie which has been well advertised.” 
 
 Joseph Wood Krutch. 
 
ACT I 
 
 A constructed stage, assembled in a simple ar- 
 rangement of a number of platforms and stairs, 
 with articles of furniture suggesting the usage of 
 various sections of the scene. The whole setting is 
 permanent throughout. There are two practical 
 slides, one right front beside the high platform, with 
 landing place near centre of stage, and one left 
 shooting off stage. 
 
 Centre of stage is occupied by a handsome couch, 
 two wrought iron floor lamps, a mahogany radio 
 receiving set, and right of this a fireplace with a 
 deer's head and gun hung over it, set simply on stage 
 without walls or support. Left of couch, a door 
 set on the stage leads up to Collins’ private study, 
 sketchily suggested by means of a mahogany desk 
 and two chairs upholstered in black leather. There 
 are telephones both in the office, and beside couch 
 centre. At extreme left near footlights, a radio 
 microphone ready for use. At right there is the 
 steel door of a large safe, and farther right a win- 
 dow. Above these is a platform reached by a flight 
 of steps. Here oddly enough one finds a chaise 
 
 15 
 
16 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 longue and a dressing table. More steps lead three 
 feet higher to another platform running across back 
 of stage with an even higher section at left, from 
 which long stairs turn back to floor of stage. Along 
 the centre platform two windows without walls, one 
 window under it. Under the stairs at left a closet. 
 
 The set thus forms a complete circuit up, down 
 and about the stage, capable of considerable varia- 
 tion in lighting, and purposely destined to allow a 
 maximum of movement and farce action. 
 
 On a high platform right, a little separated from 
 the rest but in full view of the audience, a negro 
 jazz orchestra sits throughout the performance, 
 playing when the occasion demands it. A clear but 
 not too bright light shows the whole structure. 
 Musicians playing gayly. A group of electioneer- 
 ing politicians and reporters comes on the scene, sur- 
 rounding Harry U. Collins, their candidate for 
 Governor. He is a successful worried man of middle 
 age, conventional iron gray hair, eyes trained to 
 appraisal of men and things in which he is generally 
 wrong but always sure of himself. He habitually 
 gives the impression of being in a great hurry. At 
 present he is nervous and in unusual haste, mopping 
 a fevered brow. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 All right, I’m running for Governor, let me run 
 then. . . . Where next? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 IT 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 \JAis confidential assistant Up there. 
 
 [Uollins dashes up steps to platform right, 
 while the entourage wait below. A sound of 
 applause off stage. Peterson is a quiet tall 
 man with a deep voice, a ghost-like presence 
 which is relieved only by a brown derby and a 
 cigar which he chews constantly. Collins 
 above adopts a thoroughly forensic manner 
 addressing an invisible crowd below.f} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 It gives me great pleasure to stand here tonight 
 before this great East Side gathering as your can- 
 didate . . . yours, mind you . . . for Governor of 
 this great Empire State . . . this great racial 
 group, the Hebrews, ladies and gentlemen, have 
 given this nation two of its most treasured posses- 
 sions, an unexampled sense of business and an un- 
 equaled respect for home life. ... As one whose 
 head has often been bowed in veneration of your 
 great political heroes, Moses and Abraham, I greet 
 you in your own words . . . Selah . . . \fHe rushes 
 down steps, hesitates centre and up steps to left, 
 addressing another crowd. Peterson silences the 
 retinue who are making too much noise below f ] The 
 Irish ... oh the Irish . . . and I feel as if I num- 
 bered myself proudly among you for the nonce, a 
 
18 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 great race of patriots and humorists . . . it is by no 
 means a mistake that one of your greatest Cardinals 
 mistook our tallest office building for a cathedral, 
 for the American people builds its temples both to 
 God and to intelligent enterprise, and it is entirely 
 proper that nickels and dimes should have erected an 
 edifice so near the sky. If you gents of the Sham- 
 rock Club put me over, and of course you will, I’ll 
 make your nickels do the work of quarters. \^He 
 rushes downstairs, whispers hoarsely to Peterson.] 
 Got a drink? [^Peterson produces a flash, Coelins 
 drinks and chokes .] Where to? [^Peterson with a 
 wave of hand indicates the audience actually in the 
 theatre. Coleins domes to footlights and speaks .] 
 Ladies and Gentlemen ... a plain business man, 
 running for Governor on a business man ticket, one 
 hundred per cent for law and order and Americanism, 
 you know how I stand on Prohibition. . . . \jCheers 
 and hisses on all sides.f\ Well, we won’t go into that. 
 . . . Law and order, a return to decency: Could 
 I promise more? No . . . not to you real Ameri- 
 cans. And let me tell you, if any of these so-called 
 racial groups think they can get away with any- 
 thing by pointing with supposed pride to their 
 alleged foreign tradition, you’ll see how an American 
 stands . . . toward the standing . . . that is hold- 
 ing the standard. . . . \fHe gets mixed up, coughs, 
 wipes his forehead and adds.^ I am confident of 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 19 
 
 jour vote. [He retires, bids good-by to newspaper 
 men cordially and they go out through audience.^ 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 The committee is waiting to confer. 
 
 COELINS 
 
 Yes, yes, we must get things straight. [Hurries 
 through door to his study front left where a growing 
 light reveals his mahogany desk, and behind it two 
 dummies with wax business faces. Peterson disap- 
 pears right, and Coleins addresses himself busily to 
 the dummies. ] How did that go? Not so good. 
 . . . Sure the door’s shut? Yes, we’re alone. [He 
 sits, talking rapidly. \ ] I’m worn out . . . and 
 nervous . . . why shouldn’t I be nervous ? Confiden- 
 tially I wish I’d never gone into this political game; 
 why should a man who’s cleaned up a few million 
 dollars want to be Governor as well? Yet I don’t 
 mind telling you boys it’s the dream of my life . . . 
 and I’ll make it good too ; I always get what I want. 
 . . . Didn’t they hand me the nomination on a silver 
 platter? Tomorrow I’ll be elected, go up to Albany 
 and be called His Excellency. . . . Money? You 
 say we can’t get by without more money? Tammany 
 is laughing at us? But what about the last laugh, 
 as Shakespeare said? I’m in this on a business basis ; 
 I’ll pay. Sell out those thousand shares, Smith, put 
 
20 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 it down to cost of construction, make a special im- 
 provement fund. . . . Thank God I have you chaps 
 for dummy directors. . . . Are you listening, Jones? 
 Work all day and speeches at night and a misstep 
 will lose me the election. . . . Suppose some scandal 
 breaks, detectives follow me everywhere. . . . Con- 
 fidentially I think my life is in danger. . . . There 
 are certain indiscretions which ... oh you know 
 . . . you can’t tell what these newspapers will do ; an 
 uneasy head is always likely to be crowned ; don’t 
 laugh at me, Smith, it makes me nervous ! My wife 
 is always laughing at me, women will drive me crazy 
 . . . of course she’s crazy herself ... I think we’ll 
 make a merger of these toothpaste companies ; one 
 toothpaste is the same as another . . . make a note 
 of that, Jones; I have so much to worry about and 
 my home life worries me most of all. I say a man’s 
 home should be restful to him instead of a topsy- 
 turvy place full of junk and new art decorations 
 . . . modern art seems obscene to a plain man that’s 
 made his own pile; look here, Smith, is life obscene? 
 ... of the people, for the people, by the people. 
 . . . This speech-making will drive me crazy, my 
 eyes bother me, can’t see the crowd so well, but I 
 guess I understand the public ; all a matter of ad- 
 vertising technique, bunk of course, but give ’em a 
 slogan, repeat it often enough and you’re safe; a 
 man with a genius for slogans can rule the world 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 21 
 
 today, provided he’s got the machines to spread ’em, 
 newspapers and radio. . . .You think the news- 
 papers are going to spring a surprise? A nigger 
 in the woodpile? No, no, I’m absolutely sure of the 
 colored vote. \Enter Peterson from right, stands 
 waiting .] All right, Pete, you can show them out. 
 . . . Stand together, Gentlemen, for good govern- 
 ment and the sanctity of the home. ^Peterson sets 
 the dummies aside. ] Got the documents, Pete? 
 ^Peterson sits, chewing cigar, shoves papers across 
 desk to Collins.] Sure to win, I trust the Ameri- 
 can public still has some respect for money. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 \jChewing cigar .] The American public is not 
 what it used to be. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Nothing is . . . you’ve checked up all these fig- 
 ures, Pete? H’mm . . . J;en thousand seems like a 
 lot for that ward. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Had to do it ; all wops ; wops are spoiled by boot- 
 legging. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 H’mm . . . let’s see. 
 
 [ They continue to study documents silently. 
 Clare Collins enters rear. The stage is 
 now brightly lighted, centre. She is a thor- 
 
22 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 oughbred richly polished girl of eighteen, 
 romantic, snappy and as good as gold, of 
 which she has always had too muchfj 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Not a soul here, come on in. [She beckons to 
 Josephus, the butler in brass buttons and champagne 
 colored livery who follows her in.f\ Now you must 
 show me that funny little dip step. [The orchestra 
 breaks into a jazz tune. She and Josephus do some 
 very complicated dancing. He is an excellent step- 
 per. Meanwhile on the platform right, Mrs. Collins 
 languidly rises from her day bed. . . . She dismisses 
 her maid who has been dressing her hair, and the maid 
 departs across stairs and platforms rear to left. 
 Mrs. Collins is a handsome woman of forty, tall, 
 voluptuous and hysterical. She sails down the stairs 
 and stops midway shocked. She screams. Clare 
 and the butler separate ,f\ Hello, mother ... oh 
 dear, I’m all out of breath. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Clare, how long has this been going on? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Did you see that cute little dip step we were doing? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Do you make it a habit to dance with the servants? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 23 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You never had a good dancer before, but this 
 boy . . . 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 ^Encouraged.'} Yes, Madam. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Outrageous ! You know your father must not be 
 annoyed. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I thought father hadn’t come home. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Well, he has and you know how he hates to be 
 disturbed. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Sorry, but Josephus was practicing all alone in the 
 hall, so I just naturally asked him to join me in a 
 short musical massage . . . and he does shake a 
 mean hoof ; try him yourself. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 [ Bowing to Mrs. Collins.] If you’d favor me 
 with a dance, Madam. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Aren’t there any class distinctions any more? 
 
24 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 No, Madam, there are not, and if you wish to have 
 my own views in that connection 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Go away, Josephus. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 I hope I haven’t exceeded my perquisites, Madam. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Perquisites, did you hear that, mother? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You are to stay in the servant’s quarters until you 
 hear a bell ring. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [ Slapping him on the hack. } Trot along, Jo, I’ll 
 ring. 
 
 ^Josephus hows and goes off left rear.'} 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Come here Clare, I want to tell you something 
 important : a lady is always a lady, she never con- 
 descends. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You call that important? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 25 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I only wish I could explain to you some things 
 that you ought to know. 
 
 t 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Don’t you worry, I know too much for my health 
 already. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What do you mean, dear? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [ 'Yawns.^ Nothing, wish I had a drink, that’s 
 about all. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 This is your father’s house, he prefers not to 
 have you drink at home, and what are you doing at 
 home anyway, dear? I have been under the impres- 
 sion that you always come in at dawn a trifle tipsy. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’m sick of it. I refused four invitations tonight, 
 and now I’m so bored I’ll explode unless something 
 turns up. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What’s it for, dear? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Some way I’ve got to get myself tired enough to 
 sleep. 
 
26 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I suppose that’s what we all live for . . . but, 
 Clare, tell me, don’t you ever stop to think? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Not the way you do. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 After all, perhaps that’s just as well. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But I dream a lot. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Childhood’s happy hour, girlhood dreams. . . . 
 
 CLARE 
 
 What a romantic nut you are, mother; why, I 
 assure you I couldn’t tell you my dreams without 
 making you blush. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 That reminds me of something I’ve wanted to say 
 to you : Clare, my baby, never forget that love is 
 the greatest thing in the world. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Well, I’m willing to be shown, I’ll say that. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 27 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 High deeds and high thoughts, dear. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Don’t you even know, mother, that everybody’s 
 thoughts are obscenely vile? That’s psychology. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I don’t think so at all, and I try to keep in tune 
 with the best thought of my time. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Well, it’s a lot of sloppy foolishness. £Collins 
 finishes with Peterson in his study left. Peterson 
 retires rear, and Collins comes through door left. 
 Clare turns with a gurgle of delight Hello, 
 daddy, you sweet old thing. \f^She embraces him vio- 
 lently, causing him almost to lose his balance . ] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Don’t annoy your father, Clare. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Clare never annoys me, which is more than some 
 people can say. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Getting along all right, dear? 
 
28 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, I’m not, just had a conference, got a radio 
 speech in half an hour, and another big one later, 
 with Carnegie Hall sandwiched in between, don’t 
 know where I’m at. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I think it’s revolting the way you overwork. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [* Absently .] It’s for the people, dear. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Clare, I want to say something to your father, if 
 you’ll leave us. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Are you and father having a scrap or something? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No more than usual. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 What you both need is some modern psychology 
 and a rest. \^She goes out right rear.'] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Make it brief, Emma, time is money. \]He takes 
 out small tablet in silver wrapper which he unwraps 
 and swallows.] 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 29 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It’s about Clare; what do you make of her? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 She’s a pure sweet girl, driven snow. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Driven? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well . . . 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You don’t know. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll talk to her when I’m not so busy. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What’s that you’re eating? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Yeast cake. I’ve got to have some nourishment. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You mean you had no dinner tonight? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Didn’t have time, haven’t any time now. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’m sorry, because I’d hoped to have a nice cozy 
 chat with you. 
 
30 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll give you five minutes. I suppose this is cozy. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 You never . . . never pay any attention to me. 
 
 IShe starts to cry.] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Just tell me what you want and I’ll write you out 
 the check. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I guess I want something money can’t buy. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 There’s no such thing. Look here, Emma, I’m at 
 the very crest of my career, because I’ve made 
 money, and money is the symbol of intelligence and 
 power, and it may yet make you the first lady of 
 the land. £Mes. Collins breaks into fresh tears. 
 Collins mutters walking up and down.'] Provided 
 I don’t lose my grip. £ Abruptly What are you 
 crying about? 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 You talk so foolishly. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 The crowd think I talk pretty well; say I made 
 one speech tonight in Yiddish, had it memorized. 
 Doesn’t that make } T ou proud? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 31 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 No, it’s a frightfully vulgar language. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Now, for God’s sake, don’t cry ; didn’t I give you 
 this house when you cried for it? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I hate it. . . . Remember years ago, when we 
 started on the old farm, Harry, the lilacs in bloom 
 and the cows? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I remember the cows all right, but you’re not 
 talking for the papers, Emma. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I wish I could go back to the springtime of life 
 with you, Harry. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well, you might try this gland operation. \jShe 
 goes on crying . ] Now stop it, Emma, I can’t stand 
 sentiment, I don’t believe in it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You used to, you and I used to be real happy once. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Do you think people just live to enjoy themselves? 
 No, sir . . . service. 
 
32 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Do you believe that? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Cautiously.] No . . . I’m more intelligent, but 
 that bunk serves for the people. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Bunk . . . you use that word too often. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 If X is money and Y is bunk, the answer to X 
 plus Y is the great American public. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I never could bear mathematics. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Look at me ! [ Turning round proudly.'] Just 
 
 look at me ! That simple idea put me where I am 
 today. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Don’t act like a clothes model. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 But I am a model — of what a man can be who uses 
 the crowd intelligently. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 33 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Bunk ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \fQuite above sarcasm That’s it. Of course per- 
 sonally I’m above it, above sentiment, and you 
 ought to be, so let’s have the bare facts — what’s 
 the matter with you? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [ ’Sitting bach forlornly .] I’m far from well. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 H’ mm . . . what do the doctors say? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’ve quite given up doctors, my trouble is emo- 
 tional exhaustion! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well, this is a nice time to spring it, I must say; 
 I have a great deal of hard work to do and you ought 
 to be my inspiration. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 A lot of chance you give me for that; whenever 
 I get affectionate you start talking about glands ; 
 you’re getting to be more of a machine every day. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t you suppose I need a rest myself? I’m 
 worn to the bone, I tell you. 
 
34 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 Harry ... if you’d go into the silence with me, 
 Harry. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Into the what? 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 The silence! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Oh Lord, have you taken up another of those 
 things ? 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I’ve found a real prophet who speaks in tongues, 
 and he’s shown me the spark in the dark. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 At least in the old days you had sense enough 
 to stick to a regular church, but now it’s a new 
 religion every month. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 If I could make you see. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, sir, I’m a practical man, no creeds for me, no 
 cults, magic, psychologic flubdubbery. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 But if it brings me peace? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 35 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Then what are you complaining for? Peace 
 sparking in the dark . . . 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It’s peaceful when you get it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Then I wish I had it. If I knew what you were 
 driving at maybe I’d believe it, I’d like to believe in 
 something. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Sometimes I can feel the occult like a hot bath 
 around me. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 It’s all wrong, a man’s career depends on his 
 wife, a lot of help you give me. Why aren’t you a 
 Methodist, that’s the thing for national politics — - 
 what would the public say if they knew my wife took 
 hot baths in the occult ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But it’s real to me, sometimes I can feel it around 
 me in waves ; there are ways of getting in touch with 
 the higher life. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’d rather get in touch with Atlantic City, the 
 ocean waves for me. \fHe hums a tune softly , the 
 tune of a song which appears later in the playf ] 
 
36 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Yes, I haven’t forgotten the time you went to At- 
 lantic City with a nurse. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 A trained nurse ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Trained indeed! I can imagine the sort of train- 
 ing that girl had. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \Much, perturbed in a low voiced Hush, Emma, 
 even the walls have ears ; can’t be too careful. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Do you know what that Greek motto over the fire- 
 place says? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Why should I know Greek? There’s no Greek 
 vote to speak of. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It says, “Keep watch over thy hearthstone, my 
 beloved.” 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ]^Musing.~\ “My beloved” . . . ^With an abrupt 
 change of manner .] Very nice idea, I’ll put it in a 
 speech. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 37 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Better think about it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 £ Whispering.'} We must be careful, the crowd is 
 out there just waiting to laugh at us over their 
 morning newspapers. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 There’s plenty to laugh at if they only knew. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Remember Emma, I’m running on a return to de- 
 cency ticket. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 That’s the best joke of all ; you’d better have some 
 care for your daughter at least, before it’s too late; 
 she drinks ! I approached it in a casual way and she 
 mentioned gin. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll talk to her this evening, I’ve told her again 
 and again to stick to whiskey. XHe walks up and 
 down, unconsciously getting more oratorical .] In 
 principle at least, I’ve always cleaved to old- 
 fashioned morals. What’s wrong nowadays? Peo- 
 ple have no reticence, the home is not always invio- 
 late, just read the stuff in the papers, see the dirt 
 
38 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 in the theatres, awful. Are there any decent people 
 left in this town? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 They do say, charity begins at home. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Oh hell. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Harry ! 
 
 [ 'Enter Josephus right rear^\ 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Pardon me, sir, it’s one of those reporters. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ve given you your orders, I will not see reporters 
 except at the usual conference hour. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But you can’t offend them. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 He’s a kind of wild man, sir, he isn’t the usual sort. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Wild, is he? Where’s he from? [[Josephus gives 
 a card to Collins.] H’m . . . after the trouble 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 39 
 
 that dirty sheet has made for me — show that re- 
 porter in, I’m ready to give somebody a good licking. 
 \fExit Josephus. 3 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 Please don’t do anything rash. . . . But I see 
 you want to be left alone. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That’s the first reasonable thing you’ve said. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Do be kind to that poor reporter. \^She goes up- 
 stairs right, to her boudoir, and retires behind screen 
 on platform, Johnnie Dunne shoots into the 
 scene by way of a slide right. He is a young man 
 whose habit it is to cover up his natural and very 
 attractive embarrassment by a feverish display of 
 misdirected energy .] 
 
 Here I am. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t be in such a hurry. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 | [Breathless. Always in a hurry. 
 
40 
 
 IOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Whatever you wish to say, you’d better speak 
 fast because I’m going to take action in about thirty 
 seconds. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Pardon me, Mr. Collins, but have you got a pack 
 of cards? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, why? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Just thought I might divert you with a few 
 tricks: could you just give me a dollar for a mo- 
 ment ? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [* Producing big roll of bills.'} This is refresh- 
 ing. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Isn’t it? All right, a five spot will do nicely. \}He 
 rolls up the bill neatly.} You observe I make this 
 bill no bigger than an ordinary toothpick, a com- 
 mon toothpick: I then make it disappear inside my 
 hat. \}He puts it in the band of his hat and con- 
 tinues the conversation.} Now that we know one an- 
 other we can have a talk. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Where’s my bill? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 41 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [^Settling himself comfortably on the couch Ah 
 . . . but wait. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Have a cigar? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I don’t smoke. I’m very ambitious and my 
 mother, bless her, told me to keep away from all 
 bad habits. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You don’t drink? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 No, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Women? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 )fBlushing\} Oh, Mr. Collins ... I love my 
 mother. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 {^Rising angrily . ] What the devil does your paper 
 mean by sending a whippersnapper like you up to 
 see me? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mr. Collins, I didn’t come here for a trial of wits. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Never try anything like that, my boy, it might be 
 a big disappointment to you. 
 
42 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mr. Collins, can I have an interview with you? 
 
 COLEINS 
 
 ^Surprised What do you think you’re doing 
 now, taking a canter in the park? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I don’t ride . . . but I mean straight from the 
 shoulder, heart-to-heart. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 The heart, young man, is not located in the 
 shoulder. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [With forced laughter .] Very good, must make 
 a note of that . . . Mr. Collins, man to man 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Man to what? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I warn you, don’t say whippersnapper again. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well you seem harmless. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Then let’s begin : what is the secret of your sue- 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 43 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll tell you. [\Johnnie leans forward all atten- 
 tion I owe my success to hard work and plain 
 living. “Time is money” has been my slogan. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Time is money? Is that it exactly? Those simple 
 words repay me for all my trouble in seeing you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Are you kidding me? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 No sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Then you might add that love and friendship are 
 to me the greatest things in the world. I’m queer 
 that way but it’s how I feel. I live on a very careful 
 diet. I live on dehydrated carrots, sulphurized 
 prunes and yeast. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Milk and crackers is what I eat. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Never touch white bread, they say it’s no better 
 than poison. 
 
44 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Now will you just give me an outline of how you 
 made your first million dollars? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Have you got all night? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Absolutely, have you? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I never saw one of you fellows yet who knew when 
 he wasn’t wanted. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Keep pretty busy, I suppose? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I usually work eighteen hours a day. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Don’t you ever get sleepy? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Yawning.~\ Only when I’m talking to some fool. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Frankly, Mr. Collins, it’s my duty to tell you that 
 you’re being watched. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 45 
 
 By whom? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 By me. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I guess I can stand that, I have no secrets 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Hah, hah! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What do you mean, hah, hah? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 A man as rich and nervous as you are without 
 secrets ! Why, right now — yes, sir — this minute, 
 there’s a worm in your mind eating your heart out. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I have liver trouble if that’s what you mean. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 And how about your conscience, does it rest easy? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 My God! 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 ^Dramatically Just as I thought. 
 
46 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Look here, young man, I’ve treated you with ordi- 
 nary courtesy, but you’re here on a very strange er- 
 rand, coming from a newspaper the owner of which 
 is my bitterest enemy 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 With orders to pin a scandal on you, or lose my 
 job: you see I can be frank. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Good, fine! So you’re here to ruin me, are you? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I gamble my job on it. They say you’re spending 
 a million to get yourself elected governor. [Uolllns 
 thinks it over, smiles Must be a weak point in 
 your scheme somewhere, I thought I’d just drop in 
 and find it. I know what I’m doing, I come of a 
 newspaper family. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Peculiar thing, you fellows get a newspaper kink 
 in your minds, you think in terms of murder, guilt, 
 denunciation. Human nature isn’t like that. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Getting to be more so every day. Do the peo- 
 ple make the papers, or do the papers make the 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 47 
 
 people? Ah . . . you don’t know! I tell you the 
 American newspaper is the most romantic power in 
 history ; millions read it, headlines to comic strip, 
 and they believe it, it’s incredible, but they believe it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 There are still a few solid newspapers which stick 
 to the plain facts. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 The solemn old sheets with their sloppy dignity 
 are the biggest bunk of all . . . oh, it’s all bunk 
 these days ; I’m bunk, you’re bunk. Mr. Collins, did 
 you ever contemplate murder? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Confidentially, the thought crossed my mind just 
 now. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Exactly ; with just a little persuasion I could make 
 you murder me ; the only question is would it be 
 worth it to me as a news story? Yet you look on 
 crime as something detached from yourself, but 
 how long before the breaking point comes : Now let’s 
 assume that your wife were unfaithful to you 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Kindly leave my wife out of it. 
 
48 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Hah, hah! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What do you mean hah, hah? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Can’t tell what may happen in this twentieth cen- 
 tury of violence and sentiment. Morals do not ex- 
 ist, except as padding for the editorial page — we’re 
 all sitting on a social volcano. 
 
 CO LEINS 
 
 To think I thought you were harmless when you 
 first came in : you’re not a reporter, you’re a snake. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 ^Delight ed.'f] Thanks. . . . Don’t you realize, 
 Mr. Collins, that the public is just crazy for your 
 secrets? Why, one little fact about you, or a pseudo- 
 fact, if it was just meaty, a well-planted suspicion, 
 might make headlines for a week. £ Walking about 
 room familiarly Look at that safe! Money? I 
 doubt it. Jewels? Hardly . . . documents . . . 
 secrets. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Never mind about that. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Ah, that gets you. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 49 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You talk like a crook — what are you laughing at? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 To think a man like you might get to be governor 
 of this state! I wouldn’t vote for you on a bet. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What are your political convictions? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Like most newspaper men I’m something of a 
 radical. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You! You’re no newspaper man. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Ah, perhaps not, but I will be . . . meanwhile I 
 have a fully developed philosophy of life. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 A damned socialist, eh? Believe in government 
 ownership ? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Well, there’s a lot in it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Believe in free love? 
 
50 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Well, there’s a lot in it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Yes, there’s corruption, lust and indecency in it. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 \fAn awful thought crossing his mind . ] It just 
 occurred to me, are you sincere? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 A Socialist working for a yellow journal comes 
 to me about sincerity ! 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Sure, but I know what’s what : the trouble with 
 you is, you think the truth is just a lie that’s been 
 well advertised; that’s dangerous and you’re in dan- 
 ger now with all the millions you’ve spent. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Get that out of your head. I was nominated and 
 will be elected as the people’s man, we need decent 
 business men in government. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 \fCroing to window .] Who paid for that electric 
 sign up there across the park on Fifty-ninth Street, 
 “Harry U. Collins is a good man?” 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 51 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I gave that to my wife for a birthday present. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Does she believe that “Harry U. Collins is a good 
 man”? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I figured it would be reassuring for her to see it 
 from the windows of the house. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Do you mind if I make a little sentimental story 
 about that? I’ll put it in a box on the front page, 
 with American flags. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Go ahead but don’t exaggerate: now for the last 
 time do you prefer to leave in the usual way or out 
 the window? [ He rings bell.} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You’re a hard man, Mr. Collins, but some day you 
 may learn that money isn’t everything, so here’s 
 your fiver, you can throw me out another time . . . 
 so it’s au revoir but not good-by. 
 
 | "Enter Josephus rear.'} 
 
 You’re bluffing. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
52 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Sure, so are you . . . just watch the morning 
 paper, Mr. Collins. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Show him the door, Josephus, and see that he finds 
 it. I’ll be ready for you next time. 
 
 ■ JOHNNIE 
 
 Thanks. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 With a gun. £Johnnie goes off right rear with 
 Josephus. Collins alone shows the intense feeling 
 of strain which he has concealed during conversa- 
 tion. He mutters :] Newspapers . . . money . . . 
 my wife . . . must hold onto myself, be the old iron 
 man . . . my eyes . . . everything seems like a blur 
 before my eyes. [ 'Tinkling music offstage. Collins 
 goes into his study left.ff Where’s that music, is it 
 inside my head? [^Peterson has entered from rear 
 left and comes to study door.f\ Come in . . . Pete. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 ffWatch in hand . ] In five minutes, they’ll hook 
 up for the first radio speech. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Is this the important one? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 53 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 No, this is WCWC, nobody listens; the big na- 
 tional hook-up is at ten-thirty, and you’re to just 
 look in at Carnegie Hall in the meanwhile. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t like this broadcasting from the house, 
 saves times but it’s too intimate. \^Off stage music 
 grows louder .] Do you hear any music? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 No, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Rubbing hand across eyes . ] My eyes are going 
 back on me, I’m so tired, my eyes : do you see any- 
 thing queer? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 No, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I believe I’m subject to hallucinations. [^Peter- 
 son pidls out notebook and writes .] What are you 
 writing? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Just making a note of that word. I keep a little 
 record in this book, sayings of great men, I intend to 
 publish it . . . you see in my confidential political 
 work I come in close personal touch with Ford, 
 
54 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 Hearst, Daugherty, Denby, Sinclair, Vare . . . the 
 big minds of our time — what a bunch of eggs ! I 
 know ’em all, and it’s a pleasure to be working for 
 you now, Mr. Collins. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well, Pete, you’re the only one I can trust. 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 They all say that. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ Music grows louder .] Frankly, memories keep 
 bothering me, Pm not so hard as you think I am. 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 I never thought you were. 
 
 COLLfNS 
 
 I can see her now. 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 Her? Who? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Nothing ... a memory, dead and buried 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 If she’s buried, why worry? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t say that, I mean the memory is buried. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 55 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You guys is all alike, you make money, but you’re 
 soft inside, never get by without birds like me to 
 stand by you . . . oh, I ain’t so much, but I got 
 no qualms an’ a snooper instinct. Now you’re just 
 full a’ qualms. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Every man has moments when he . . . er . . . 
 hesitates ... er ... on the brink. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Better tell it to Papa, I may be able to help. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Oh, it’s nothing, a hesitation only . . . Atlantic 
 City . . . she was almost as young as my daughter. 
 I’m devoted to my daughter, Pete. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 \Brutally.f\ What did you do, go to a hotel? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 My God, man, no. ffPause. Music continues and 
 above them in a misty light, Floradora Finnigan 
 appears as the Bathing Girl of Collins’ memory, her 
 very snappy suit showing off a swell figure. A typi- 
 cal contest winner with a ribbon “ Miss New Lots 
 
56 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 Avenue ” across her chest .] We sat on the beach 
 . . . the moon came up, she sang softly, what a 
 voice, I can almost hear the breakers. 
 
 FLORADOEA 
 
 \^Sings a typical sentimental ballad. [\ 
 
 “Do you remember the time 
 You said you’d always be mine, 
 
 And you called me your little Rainbow Girl?” 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Shouts excitedly .] Stop, stop [Seizing 
 
 Peterson.] Don’t you see it now? 
 
 PLORADORA 
 
 [Sings above.[\ “Summer spooning . . . honey- 
 mooning” . . . 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Visions, seeing things, things that have happened 
 follow you like that. 
 
 PLORADORA 
 
 [Softly. ] I am Floradora Finnigan, the only girl 
 you ever loved. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [Going dpwn on his knees by desk ,[\ A beautiful 
 rotten dead thing. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 57 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Daddy . . . don’t you need a nurse? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 She called me Daddy. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Mr. Collins, you can’t go on like this. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 \fSings again .] “Billows crooning” . . . 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 For God’s sake, don’t sing. It drives me wild 
 when I hear her sing, she has such a voice. 
 
 [ 'But she goes on softly. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Look here, tell me, how did this thing end? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 t 
 
 It ended . . . well, one day the police arrested her 
 on the beach . . . bathing suit, you know. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Was it one a’ them bathing suits? 
 
58 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 {Reminiscently.*} You could hardly call it a bath- 
 ing suit at all. Considering my position, I took the 
 first train for New York. 
 
 PETEBSON 
 
 You didn’t bail her out? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 In my position ... I never heard how she got 
 out. ^Josephus crosses from right and knocks on 
 door of the study. ] But she’s here now, she’s come, 
 all through the campaign I’ve waited for her and 
 she’s come. {Vision above fades. Petebson opens 
 door and Collins stumbles into the arms of Jose- 
 phus. He recovers himself .] 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 The late evening papers, sir. 
 
 [Petebson takes themfj 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Get out. . . . Wait. . . . Have you seen anyone, 
 anything unusual in the house? 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 No, sir. Mrs. Collins said she was expecting some- 
 
 one. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 59 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Tell Blithers to have the closed car at the door 
 right away. Get out. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Yes, sir. \f,He goes.f\ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I want protection, Pete. Have some of your men 
 close to the house. ... I feel as if I were in danger. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I know what you mean, but as for that Atlantic 
 City dame, it’s nuthin’ . . . why, Mr. Collins, you’re 
 so innocent I don’t believe you ever even broke the 
 Mann act, an’ there’s not many can say that. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 If you mention this secret to anyone, I’ll break 
 you. 
 
 [ [Enter Clare from rear, to door of Collins’ 
 study 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Daddy . . . dear Daddy. 
 
 [[Collins swings nervously .]] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Oh, I thought it was someone else. I can’t talk 
 to you now, dear, I have too much on my mind. 
 
60 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Good night, Mr. Collins, they’ll signal you any 
 minute now to step up to the microphone ; you got 
 your schedule for the rest of the evening. 
 
 COELINS 
 
 Have some men nearby for my protection. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 pVods.] You know where to reach me if you 
 want me. 
 
 [Teterson leaves the office, pauses right to look 
 at safe contemplatively and exits right 
 
 COEEINS 
 
 [To Clare.^ Must collect my thoughts, got my 
 notes somewhere. [Telephone rings, he answers it.f] 
 Sure, let ’em introduce me at headquarters, the 
 microphone is right at my elbow. 
 
 CEARE 
 
 But I wanted to talk to you especially, Daddy, and 
 I have some very important things to tell you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You’re not in trouble, Clare? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’m not going to have an illegitimate baby if that’s 
 what you mean, at least not yet. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 61 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Hush, dear . . . the microphone, good Lord, 
 really . . . [/I bell rings and green light shines by 
 microphone. Collins approaches it. He shuffles 
 notes nervously and speaks.'} I greet this great in- 
 visible audience with marked pleasure . . . just a 
 plain talk, folks, from one man to another, not to 
 forget the little woman who is such a big factor in 
 every radio home. I am speaking to you from my 
 own home, surrounded by a devoted family. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 ^Whispers .} Aren’t you laying it on a little 
 thick ? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I bring you the moral standards of my Puritan 
 forebears . . . that’s the plain square issue, folks, 
 morality. . .' . Could anything be plainer than that ? 
 No. I take arms, as Lincoln said, against a morass 
 of corruption, and I know you’re all with me. \}He 
 turns off the microphone. Light goes out.} They’ll 
 finish that off neatly at headquarters. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Is it off? [Jle nods wiping perspiration from 
 face.} You should have said sea of troubles . . . 
 Shakespeare. \}She laughs.} I believe in you, Daddy, 
 and admire you, but you say such funny things. 
 
62 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You worry me, Clare. | ~He consults his watch.'] 
 Don’t you take anything seriously? Your mother 
 tells me you sometimes drink gin. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Well, I don’t like it raw so well. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 H’mm. ... I wish you were safely married. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I would be too, that or something else, if all the 
 men I meet weren’t such ninnies. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What do you think about love, dear, and . . . er 
 . . . all that sort of thing? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 One side of me is hard as nails, but the other 
 side of me wants excitement all the time, it’s a feel- 
 ing like music you hear sometimes, hard and cold 
 and exciting . . . 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That’s bad. . . . New York is not the place for 
 you. I think you ought to travel ; why don’t you 
 take another trip around the world? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 63 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But I’ve just come back from one trip around 
 the world. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 It all helps, you learn a lot from all these for- 
 eign places. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 All the same, you meet the same people and eat 
 the same food everywhere. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That’s because you come from the centre of the 
 universe; New York sets the fashion. Just the same 
 they tell me there’s a lot of this culture, whatever 
 it is, in other countries. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, culture is awful, you can get that at the 
 movies ! But I do like the funny people you meet 
 on the steamers. There was that English Viscount 
 on the boat from Tokio. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That’s the sort of thing; it may sound undemo' 
 cratic, but I’d like to have a Viscount for you. 
 
64 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That Viscount was a whizdinger, wouldn’t dance 
 with anybody, just looked superior. I often think it 
 was the Prince of Wales incognito. 
 
 {Enter Josephus right rear.{\ 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 The car is waiting, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [j Consulting watch again.{\ Not a moment to lose 
 . . . I do want to talk to you about your future, 
 dear. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Pm worried myself. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Never worry, dear, a young girl should be healthy- 
 minded. {He kisses her and exits right. Josephus 
 stands rear. Clare yawns and stretches .] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Something has got to happen tonight, I’m so bored 
 I can’t stand it . . . Josephus? 
 
 Yes, Miss. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 65 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Why don’t you gag mother and run off with her 
 
 I thought of it, Miss. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \jClaps her hands . ] How r cute of you ! They are 
 valuable, you know, and I don’t know what father 
 may have in that safe. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 I read about them things, but I haven’t the nerve. 
 I’m not cut out for it. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Coward! Well, then, I’ll try to find an exciting 
 book. Nightie night. [Ulare goes upstairs left 
 rear pawning and goes off. Josephus puts out lights 
 and goes off left. Window left above is opened cau- 
 tiously and Johnnie climbs into the room with a 
 pocket flashlight. He backs into table right, knock- 
 ing a candlestick off it. He picks it up ] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Now for the dirty work. \fHe lights standing 
 lamp over couch and stands there trembling .f\ Now 
 
66 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 I know how other burglars feel, other burglars — how 
 horrible! [He produces a coin .] Heads I stay, tails 
 I beat it as fast as my legs can carry me. [He flips 
 it. Tails. . . . Too late! [He ducks down beside 
 couch, pulling couch cover over his head, as Jose- 
 phus returns left . ] 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 [ ‘Seeing window open. 2 Tut . . . tut . . . tut 
 • • • £ He crosses and closes it. As he crosses again 
 front Johnnie moves slightly and Josephus falls 
 over him sprawling headlong. Johnnie sticks his 
 head out and they sit on floor staring at each other. 2 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 | "Speaks slowly emphasizing every word in an ef- 
 fort to impress Josephus.] I am not a crook, I 
 have stolen nothing, how much will you take to let 
 me out safely? 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Give me a hundred dollars and I’ll let you out. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [Feeling pockets-2 Sorry, I only have sixt} 7 cents 
 . . . But you might take a check. . . . No, I sup- 
 pose not, unless it was certified. [Fause.2 What are 
 we to do? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 67 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 I don’t know. [ 'They sit on floor and stare at 
 each other. Josephus has a bright idea.f\ Do you 
 carry a gun? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Certainly not, never touched a gun in my life. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Will you wait here quietly while I call the other 
 servants and have you arrested? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Why don’t you just yell for help right now? 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Say, this is no common house you’re in, we don’t 
 make a vulgar disturbance here. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 \jGets up.f\ I promise not to make a disturbance, 
 I’ll wait for you here. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Good, I see I can trust you, I’ll be right back with 
 the others. \fHe is at stairs rear left.f\ Remember 
 your promise. | ~He goes heavily up stairs rear left.f\ 
 
68 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Yes, I will . . . not! [ He looks around.'} Now 
 the whole house will be let loose, at bay. Let the dogs 
 bark, I’ll beat the pack of ’em yet. [ ‘He makes a 
 gesture and falls over chair centre. He picks him- 
 self up.} Maybe I can be a hero or a martyr or 
 something! \}He opens door of coat closet lender 
 stairs left.} Ah, a nice roomy closet, just the thing. 
 IHe shuts himself in closet. Mrs. Collins appears 
 above with a man dimly seen.} 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 ^Sweetly.} How poignant the darkness is ! 
 [ 'Briskly .} Ah, there you are . . . darkness is like 
 the Love that quite engulfs the universe. [hSTic 
 laughs a gay falsetto.} . . . you must go now. 
 You’ve shown me the spark in the dark. I know 
 you can perform miracles. . . . And hark ! A song 
 of love, a cosmic song, Love is all, all is love ! 
 
 [Uollins has entered unobserved right rear. 
 His voice breaks in harshly.} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 So this is what you’re up to ! I heard you. 
 
 [Mrs. Collins screams. Silence. Then Col- 
 lins turns switch lighting the scene. Mrs. 
 Collins stands centre in statuesque pose , 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 69 
 
 hand clutching throat. Her companion is 
 nowhere to he seen.} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Where is the man? I heard it all, you might as 
 well confess. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Kindly tell me what has happened, I don’t dare 
 to look. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t see a thing. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 He’s made himself invisible. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 The hell he has. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 [* Appearing on stairs left with two other serv- 
 ants .] We’ve got a gun. 
 
 £Mrs. Collins screams again.'} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That will not be necessary. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 There was a man here and he said he’d wait. 
 
70 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I know all about that, I’ll call you if I need you. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 
 \The three servants retire 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ Bitterly to his zvife.~2 So I’ve found you. . . . 
 You in your position with your lover. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 My what? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Lover ! £Mrs. Collins laughs musically Didn’t 
 I hear you say, love is all, all is love? What’s the 
 point of that? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Inspirational. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Inspirational my eye ! I can understand English 
 even when spoken in the dark. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Don’t strike me. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I haven’t the least intention. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 71 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You’re a brute beast, I won’t answer you, I am 
 beyond your power. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 We’ll see about that. I’m through, everybody’s 
 got a breaking point. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But this is psychic. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ [Getting angrier every minute Psychic love is 
 bum love ! I’ll divorce you, you see if I don’t. I 
 come home and find you with an astral body. I can’t 
 stand it. I’m going to send for a detective, a law- 
 yer and a doctor. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Very well, then, you’re crazy. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What if I am? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 F 8 peaking to an invisible something on the ceil- 
 ing .] Are you there? 
 
72 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Who are you talking to? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 l^Cooing.'f] Love is all, all is love ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Cuckoo ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 | ^Ecstatically^ Cuckoo ! The universe is in tune, 
 I’m going to bed. ]fShe goes upstairs right, and re- 
 tires behind screen. Collins goes into his study, 
 shuts the door, lights lamp on desk. Johnnie comes 
 cautiously out of coat closet, goes to telepltone, 
 speaks in low voice.f\ 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Cortlandt. Forty thousand . . . City Editor? 
 Dunne speaking. . . . Get this ! Authentic rumor 
 of Collins’ divorce, Harry U. of course. . . . Mil- 
 lionaire sportsman politician names astral corespon- 
 dent. . . . Get it? Astral I said. Gubernatorial 
 nominee says psychic love is bum love! 
 
 (^Collins overhears the latter part of this and 
 dashes to Johnnie.] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Drop that phone. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 73 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Not yet. 
 
 [L4s Collins tries to take instrument from him . ] 
 Broken-hearted politician struggles with reporter 
 at telephone. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Tell ’em to stop that story. 
 
 You tell ’em. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \fTakes telephone feverishly. ] For God’s sake, are 
 you there? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That helps ... I told you I’d do it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 This is Harry U. Collins speaking from my pri- 
 vate residence ; that story is a tissue of flimsy false- 
 hoods ; yes, sir, a concoction of deliberate lies ; yes, a 
 morass . . . Good Lord, man what 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What did he say? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \^Sits hack tiredly Said he’d be glad to print 
 my denial alongside of it. 
 
74 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That’s real white of him now. Trust a tabloid to 
 play fair. . . . Mr. Collins, can I have an interview 
 with you? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I can arrest you for this. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That’ll make it a better story. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You haven’t got a shred of proof. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’ve just begun, wait till I find the man that 
 started this. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Wait till I find him. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Let’s both find him. He couldn’t really disappear. 
 [He drags him up the stairs right . ] 
 
 [Enter Josephus right. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Excuse me, sir. 
 
Act I The Harlem Delegation 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 75 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Can’t you see I’m preoccupied? Anything im- 
 portant ? 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 It’s a delegation from the combined political clubs 
 of Harlem. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’d forgotten, show ’em in. [[Collins muttersfj 
 Expecting these fools, got to see ’em, no help for it. 
 \fTo the strains of a political march enter six 
 negro politicians of exaggerated type, from 
 right , with wax faces, each carrying an enor- 
 mous floral wreath in shape of horseshoes, 
 stars, etc., each piece with the words, “ Harry 
 17. Collins is a good many These they de- 
 posit in a circle around Collins.] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Gentlemen. [[ Politicians wag heads and applaud .] 
 This touching demonstration is indeed unexpected, 
 but it happens by the merest coincidence that I have 
 a reporter here . . . [[ Looking at wreaths .] “Harry 
 U. Collins is a good man.” That’s a great slogan, 
 Gentlemen, and I deserve it ; the American people 
 must know the kind of man I am, they do know, I 
 am a man who 
 
 ffVoices of newsboys shouting off staged 
 
76 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 newsboys’ voices 
 
 “Collins’ divorce . . . sensational divorce ... all 
 about the Collins’ divorce.” 
 
 CO LEINS 
 
 £. Hearing the voices stutters, stops, and collapses 
 On chair centre .] Don’t believe the papers, I’ve got 
 a statement here, don’t believe the papers . . . 
 
 I The six politicians break into a wild jazz 
 rhythm, laughing as they dance .) ] 
 
 Curt am. 
 
ACT II 
 
 The same scene. A few minutes later. 
 
 The floral wreaths stand in a circle as before. A 
 pile of newspapers strewn on couch centre. In Col- 
 lins’ study, Collins and Johnnie sit stiffly. John- 
 nie is examining a sheet of paper. Outside the study 
 the scene is dark, except for one lamp centre and 
 one bracket light on platform above. Beside this 
 light above, looking about and listening in a fright- 
 ened manner, is a Stranger with a long black beard. 
 He is a dignified man of muscular appearance, beard 
 and hair richly curled, wearing an ill-fitting dress 
 suit. 
 
 The Bearded Stranger tiptoes carefully along 
 the platform and downstairs rear left. Clare en- 
 ters left. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \^Startled.f\ Who on earth are you? \fThe 
 Stranger turns, puts his finger on lips and makes 
 passes with his hands . ] What are you doing here? 
 
 Why don’t you speak? For Heaven’s sake [Tfe 
 
 stares fixedly at her, speaks in a weird foreign lan- 
 guage. Come out of it. Speak English? Then you 
 can’t very well explain? What an extraordinary 
 
 77 
 
78 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 beard! Your own? This is delightfully informal. 
 Are you trying to hypnotize me or do you wrnnt to 
 dance? You may be a burglar, I do hope so, I’ll 
 try anything once. \]She has backed up against the 
 radio which she turns on, a dance tune. Surpris- 
 ingly, he is quite ready for a dance, takes her and 
 swings about lightly in very Apache fashion,] Why 
 you do shake a hoof! Are you one of those Sec- 
 ond Avenue daredevils? \His grip on her tightens.'] 
 Oh, you’re hurting me . . . haven’t you any self- 
 control? \He holds her bent to him in iron grip, 
 still swaying. She screams and breaks away.] This 
 is going too far. How dare you? Help! Help! \^She 
 starts to call out, but he fixes her with his eye and 
 she seems hypnotized. He seizes her, opens coat 
 closet left, shoves her in and locks the door. He is 
 evidently very much upset. Music continues. John- 
 nie comes in from Collins’ study left, closing door 
 behind him.] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’ve found you. ^Stranger turns, finger on lips.] 
 What’s the matter? You’re afraid Collins will find 
 you and beat you up . . . the astral lover ! Haven’t 
 I met you before some place? Did you ever, by any 
 chance, shine shoes? . . . And where . . . oh, where 
 did you get that dress suit? Hired, I suppose. Well, 
 I want an interview with you. ]fPause.] You see, 
 my standing as a journalist, such as it is, depends 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 79 
 
 on you. . . . Can’t you speak, or won’t you? 
 [[Stranger approaches him. Johnnie backs away.} 
 Back. . . . Back to the Deaf and Dumb Institute. 
 [[Stranger speaks in foreign language.} You may 
 be right, but if you don’t like it here, you can go back 
 where you came from. [[Stranger makes passes .[] 
 But you can’t get away with this hypnotism on me. 
 . . . nothing in it . . . nothing . . . \^He is getting 
 hypnotized in spite of himself.} May be something 
 in it. 
 
 [[Stranger opens coat closet, pushes him in, 
 locks the door again and exits hastily right , 
 as Collins enters from his study with a sheet 
 of paper.'} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Here’s the complete statement, nothing like a 
 statement. [[A tapping from inside coat closet. Col- 
 lins goes to door and opens it. Two figures tangled 
 up in a number of coats roll out on the floor. Col- 
 lins speaks sternly.} What’s going on here? My 
 God, what does this mean? [[Clare struggles out 
 from one coat, Johnnie appears sheepishly from 
 other bundle.} Clare, are you all right, dear? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 She’s all right. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What has happened? 
 
80 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Say, there is something in this hypnotism stuff. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 ^Seeing Johnnie.] Why, I know you. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Yes, Miss Collins. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It’s the Viscount Halsey-Cholmondeley, father. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Just Johnnie Dunne now. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 We met on a steamer in the Orient. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Remember the Chinese moon? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Very romantic, I’m sure. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Remember that duckie sunset on Manila Bay? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 But I’m not a Viscount just now, I’m a reporter. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 81 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Remember that sunset, and you held my hand? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 And one evening on the beach at Waikiki? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 The croon of the naked singers? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 The moon came up 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Shining on the sea 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Which was as calm as glass! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You told me about your castle in England. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 My castles are all in Spain this year. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You remember, daddy, I told you about that Eng- 
 lish lord? 
 
82 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You know how a fellow talks on shipboard. 
 
 CHARE 
 
 I thought you were a gentleman. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Let me tell you I’m a hard-working, underpaid, 
 ambitious guy. 
 
 COEEINS 
 
 Maybe you can explain what is happening here. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I was shoved in a closet. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I was hypnotized. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Nonsense, you were shoved in just the way I 
 was 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 It was an astral body. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Nonsense, he had a beard 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 83 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 An astral beard — wait till I find him. \jHe goes 
 resolutely up stairs left and exits. During the fol- 
 lowing scene, he appears now and then above, search- 
 ing diligently behind objects, under stairs, up and 
 down '. ] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Father, isn’t there any such thing as romance? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t talk to me about romance. . . . Astral 
 bodies in the house ... I must fortify myself, for 
 the sake of the family . . . and for the sake of the 
 nation! [ 'He goes into study left, where he takes 
 whiskey bottle from interior of his desk and sits with 
 it, drinking copiously from time to time. Meanwhile, 
 above right, Mrs. Collins comes out of her boudoir 
 and speaks wearily 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I can’t sleep, I simply can’t. 
 
 [Clare is looking eagerly at newspapers on 
 couch centre. Mrs. Collins descends stairs 
 right. She is wearing a blue dressing gown, 
 her hair down and looking very stringy and 
 her face covered with facial clay, a bandage 
 under her chin.'] 
 
84 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Mother ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What is it, why do you look at me so peculiarly? 
 Haven’t I a right to walk around my own house? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It’s not true, what the papers say, about you and 
 father? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Whatever your father says about me is decidedly 
 not true; you must be on my side, Clare, my baby 
 . . . oh, it’s all because I’m an old woman; there’s 
 no use pretending I’m not, I am; I’m so sick of pre- 
 tense. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 There’s no pretense about this, it’s frightfully seri- 
 ous and we must face it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’ve had awful dreams. Freudian and 
 all that: I dreamt that your father hit me and de- 
 serted me. \^She gasps .] Perhaps this is a dream, 
 you look sort of filmy, Clare. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I wish you wouldn’t use that facial clay, mother. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 85 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I use all the beauty secrets I can find. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 You mustn’t worry, mummy dear, this will come 
 out all right. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 You positively frighten me, I haven’t known you 
 so affectionate in years. I feel as if we were swim- 
 ming in a limpid pool, dear, like goldfish. ]fShe makes 
 motions of swimming .] And outside the pool a lot 
 of noise and people being emotional. . . . You know 
 how I hate emotion, Clare. ... If I could only get 
 some sleep. I’ll take a little more veronal, but first 
 I must have a cigarette. \fSJie takes cigarette pack- 
 age from dressing gown and lights one.f\ I feel bet- 
 ter now; you might just as well tell your father to 
 come here, I feel ready for a strenuous chat. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 I don’t know as it would be wise for you to see 
 father just yet. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I guess I’m good enough for your father any time, 
 facial clay and all. 
 
86 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Perhaps it would be best. I’ll ask him. But do 
 be nice, mother, remember he’s under a nervous 
 strain. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 How about my nervous strain? Nobody seems to 
 worry about that. £Clare goes into Collins’ study 
 left. Mrs. Collins sits on couch, picks up news- 
 paper. She emits a piercing scream, then reads:"] 
 MilKonaire Collins . . . attacks wife’s psychic mate 
 . . . oh . . . astral body. . . . Now I know I’m 
 dreaming and I can’t control it. . . . Wake up ! 
 Pretty soon I’ll be standing on the edge of a cliff and 
 then falling . . . falling . . . {fSlie sits hack on 
 couch in a faint, head stiffly propped against a pil- 
 low in an odd attitude. Enter right rear Josephus, 
 with a thick-set elderly woman dressed entirely in 
 black; black gloves, tiny black hat perched on her 
 head, white hair, a benevolent expression and a sweet 
 voice with a lot of motherly pathos which rings false 
 and yet touches one a little by its ridiculousness. 
 This is Dorothy Dunne.] 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 {^Whispering to her at door, hesitating .] I don’t 
 know as I ought. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 87 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I tell you it’s quite all right. [ 'She fumbles in a 
 large bag and gives Josephus a bill.} It’s a friendly 
 visit, an errand of mercy. Now tell her I’m here. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Approaches couch A lady to see you, Madam 
 . . . an errand of mercy . . . \}He coughs Yes, 
 Madam. 
 
 \fExit Josephus rear. Dorothy comes for- 
 ward.'} 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I knew you’d be glad to see me. £ Looking at the 
 strange figure in facial clay upright on the couch.} 
 Hah ! [ 'She sits beside Mrs. Collins taking her hand 
 and examining her critically. Enter Clare from 
 her father's study, where he still sits with bottle.} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Who are you, what are you doing here? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Lucky I came . . . just look at her ! 
 
 Mother ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Fainted, with beauty clay on her face, and a news- 
 paper in her hand ; there’s a story for you. 
 
88 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 (^Dorothy opens her hig bag and takes small bottle 
 out of it.' ] Spirits of ammonia is just the thing 
 . . . then later let her drink a few drops of this. I 
 always carry a small medicine chest with me. \^She 
 takes several bottles from her bag.} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Kindly tell me immediately who you are and what 
 you want? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I want your heart’s secrets, dear. Or perhaps 
 you haven’t any heart, you debutantes are such a 
 brittle lot ! Let me have a good look at you. \^She 
 produces pair of spectacles, which she polishes care- 
 fully.'} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Surely you’re not a detective? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 In a sense, yes, a detective of the emotions, which 
 I hope you will sob out to me, dear, without a mo- 
 ment’s delay, as I’m in rather a hurry myself. f^She 
 stares at Clare through spectacles.} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 l^Still attending her mother.} Mother dear, an- 
 swer me, are you better now? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 89 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 {Reviving suddenly .] Where am I? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Why do they all say that? {She produces a 
 spoon, puts a few' drops of liquid from another bot- 
 tle on it and gives it to Mrs. Collins.] Just a few 
 drops of this. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 {Pleadingly to Dorothy.] Now won’t you please 
 
 go? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 But I can be so helpful and sympathetic, dearie. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 For Heaven’s sake don’t call me dearie. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Just as you wish, duckie. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Are you a friend? I need sympathy, all I get is 
 one shock after another. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Just a bird in a gilded cage, aren’t you, dearie? 
 {Abruptly. ] Do you get good results from that 
 facial clay? 
 
90 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 It’s refreshing but only temporary, everything is 
 so temporary ! 
 
 DOBOTHY 
 
 What I’ve been saying for forty years. 
 
 CLAEE 
 
 You’re one of those newspaper people 
 
 DOBOTHY 
 
 Ah, but I’m different, I’ve just come to be a help. 
 I answer the questions of a million girls, so there’s 
 no reason why you shouldn’t be one of our little 
 club, so sob it out. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 How dare you break into people’s houses at this 
 hour to ask questions? 
 
 DOBOTHY 
 
 The darkest hour is before the dawn and that’s 
 when I generally come; I happen to have been out 
 on a case, interviewing a cabaret girl on the ques- 
 tion of birth control, very interesting too in its 
 way. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 But this nasty newspaper story is ridiculous, I 
 will keep my little home together. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 91 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 It looks as if it was falling apart but never mind. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I “To her mother.} Don’t you see, it’s just a trap 
 to make you talk. You mustn’t say a word. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Anyway, my face is cracking. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You’d better take off that clay and get dressed. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I shall go to my room. You may tell your father 
 that I’m going to lock myself in and go on a hunger 
 strike ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Hush, mother, the newspapers . . . 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 For days and days . . . \jShe starts upstairs 
 right, humping into Johnnie who dashes down at 
 this minute.'} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Sorry, ma’am. 
 
92 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 \jOn stairs r\ Who is this person? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Z'I'o Johnnie.] Have you found anyone? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 ^Mysteriously No. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Then don’t speak to me. [ ’Turning to Dorothy.] 
 I’m going to ask the servants to see that you leave 
 immediately. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You can’t do that. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Why not? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Because this is my mother. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Not really? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Yes, my legitimate mother. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Then you’d both better get out. 
 
 £Clare goes out, rear . ] 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 93 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 [ Looking around thought fully .] So this is the 
 gilded palace of a bon vivant. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mother, I had no idea you were working on this 
 case. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 That’s what it is to be a newspaper family. I just 
 dropped in on the chance myself, but I must say it 
 looks very promising. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mother, I’m ashamed of myself. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 What have you done? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 This . . . it’s all my fault, I’ve gotten good peo- 
 ple into trouble. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 People who live in a house like this deserve to get 
 into trouble. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 After all they call it home . . . and just by a 
 telephone message I’ve turned it upside down. 
 
94 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 It may teach them a lesson. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 She doesn’t need a lesson 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 She? What she? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That innocent girl 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Innocent? My boy, I ought to shuffle you and 
 deal you over again. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’m crazy about her and that’s flat. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 It certainly is, that silly little flapper. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 She’s nothing of the sort, she’s as bright as a 
 button. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Just exactly, no more and no less. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 95 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’d do anything to undo the harm I’ve done. 
 \Fickvng up newspapers Look at these headlines. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 My boy, listen to me! I’ve raised you from a pup 
 by wading knee-deep in other people’s tears, and I 
 believe in it ! It’s the one revenge the common 
 people have on the dummies that cheat them ! 
 This man is a public figure, he’s kidded the public 
 for years, let the public kid him for a while. \^She 
 starts upstairs right 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What are you going to do? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Get that woman’s intimate confessions, if I have 
 to write ’em myself. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mother, haven’t you any respect for truth? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 My poor boy, you’ll never be a journalist. \^She 
 dashes upstairs to Mrs. Coelins’ boudoir leaving 
 Johnnie crushed. Johnnie finds a small bit of 
 
96 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 paper on floor centre and consults it eagerly. 
 Josephus enters right, with Peterson.] 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Tell your Boss Pm here, lie sent for me. [[Jose- 
 phus turns. Peterson calls him back .] Say, 
 Barney Google. 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 I answer to the name of Josephus, sir. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Well, you make a big mistake. [Peterson looks 
 at Johnnie critically, then turns to Josephus.] 
 Mr. Collins in his study? Don’t bother him, I’ll see 
 him in a minute. [Josephus exits rear .] Now who 
 the hell are you? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Here’s my police card, allows me to visit fires, 
 funerals, divorces and murders. 
 
 \fPause. Peterson sits, lights cigar and 
 grunts.'fl 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 So you’re a detective! 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I used to be, I’m a confidential manager now. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 97 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I could tell . . . the brown derby . . . my dear 
 fellow, not done any more ... I see you’re of the 
 old school, so I suppose I can trust you. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 With what? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 A bit of mysterious paper . . . \^He shows it .] 
 X plus Y, and a finger print . . . that’s got a mean- 
 ing! Why? Because everything has a meaning in 
 cases of crime detection. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Has there been a crime around here? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Not yet, but I thought it would be a good idea 
 to figure one out, just in case. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 If you really work on a newspaper, you must be 
 the obituary editor; did it ever occur to you that 
 this was printed? Do you see what it says on the 
 other side? The smoker is entitled to the facts! 
 Did you ever think that this fell out of a cigarette 
 package? Did you suppose . . . 
 
98 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [jS'ifs beside him .[] We won’t discuss it any more. 
 . . . Now I’ve proved you are, or were, a real de- 
 tective, yes, sir, a sterling product of the Mauve 
 Decade. . . . \\A long pause. Peterson looks at 
 him worried.'} What do you make of it all? 
 [Peterson puffs cigar moodily.} What about the 
 election? . . . Now I’m just a plain citizen 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Then you get it in the neck whatever happens. 
 
 [Uollins appears unsteadily at his study door.} 
 
 COLEINS 
 
 Hello, Pete, about time you came; come in. 
 [Peterson follows him into study. Johnnie is 
 about to follow, but Peterson shuts door carefully 
 in his face. Johnnie returns to couch centre. 
 Collins addresses Peterson across his desk in 
 study.} I’m in real trouble. What’s the use of em- 
 ploying you if I don’t get quick action? I might 
 have been murdered here a dozen times waiting for 
 you to happen in. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Impossible. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Why? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 99 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You couldn’t be murdered more than once. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Look at this. \fHe shoves newspaper at Peter- 
 son, who reads thoughtfully . Collins pours himself 
 another drink. Meanwhile at right, on platform, 
 Dorothy and Mrs. Collins are talking in Mrs. 
 Collins’ houdoir.~\ 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Life, Mrs. Collins, is very funny and difficult. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You understand so well, I might as well tell you 
 that I’m a very unhappy woman. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 ^Looking at handsome string of pearls about Mrs. 
 Collins’ neck.f\ Of course you are, and what lovely 
 things you have. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [* Laughs nervously d\ Baubles ! 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 And eacli string of pearls is a chain to bind you 
 closer to luxurious unhappiness. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’m a good woman, in spite of what you think. 
 
100 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Of course you are; the bad women have brains 
 enough to keep out of trouble. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 ^Sitting on couch, centre I feel as if I were 
 surrounded by intrigue. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 \jln Collins’ study, chuckling over newspaper 
 Domestic stuff . . . this is really very good: “So- 
 ciety woman’s alleged invisible mate.” 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I had a delegation of ward leaders here; they 
 walked out on me when they heard this ; makes a 
 fool of me, but I won’t give up . . . I’ve lived a hard 
 life, exercised great care with my diet, I’m a fighter, 
 I’m too proud to give up . . . 
 
 £Clare enters rear. Johnnie jumps up . ] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 There you are, I’ve got to talk to you, do sit 
 down. £Clare sits beside him. Pause. Johnnie 
 looks at her bashfully. Penny for your thoughts. 
 
 You fool ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 1Q1 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I knew you thought that. 
 {Pausef} 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I wonder if my father and mother have gone 
 crazy ? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 It’s the strain of modern life, the uncertainty 
 . . . things are not what they used to be 
 
 CLARE 
 
 | ''Interrupts violently Shut up! . . . Oh, for 
 God’s sake, do something . . . here we are, don’t 
 you see how worried I am ! Well, hold my hand 
 . . . kiss me ... do something. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 \ ‘Edging farther away on the couch. "2 I’ve waited 
 for this moment, this . . . er . . . sweet surrender, 
 and now . . . 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I just feel wild. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Are your whole family like this? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Wild, don’t you hear me? 
 
102 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [ [Uneasily consults his match.'} Five minutes of 
 ten. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 If some men caught me in this mood, I’d be a bad 
 girl by ten o’clock. 
 
 £Johnnie just loolcs at her uncomfortably. 
 Mrs. Collins and Dorothy continue their 
 conversation above right.} 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Now tell me, do you love your husband? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I don’t believe in love in the earthly sense; to me 
 it must be an ethereal compound of elements, lighter 
 than air. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I’ll make a note of that. And your husband? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 He’s so gross, he doesn’t understand what I’m 
 striving for. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 You can’t really blame him for that. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I seek after truth. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 103 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Take my word for it, you can’t do that with a man 
 around. Why don’t you leave him? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 If I could take myself into a Silence and find my 
 soul there. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Everybody’s doing it and you never know what 
 you’ll find. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But I don’t know how I’d get along, I might even 
 have to make my own living. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Oh go on the stage, take your daughter along and 
 make a team of it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Wouldn’t that be a little vulgar? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 With a pound of paint and a gold turban, you 
 could do considerable damage. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I never thought how easy it would be, and how 
 angry it would make him. 
 
104 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Why don’t you go to the Ritz this very night? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Why if a woman wants to it’s just as easy to leave 
 your house as to walk out of a restaurant. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Easier sometimes, believe me. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’ll get dressed immediately. \^She starts to dress 
 feverishly .J 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I’ll go with you; you can give me an interview in 
 the taxi about how you intend to devote your life to 
 the poor and sick with a few words of advice about 
 cosmetics and dancing. 
 
 \fln Collins’ study; he sits drinking and worry- 
 ing, Peterson beside him.'2 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I don’t know as I want to be mixed up in this 
 myself. I’m something of a figure in the press and 
 I can’t afford to have the wrong sort of publicity. 
 I’d like to talk to my press agent before I commit 
 myself too far. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 105 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t you worry, I’ll come out on top. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You still got a big speech to make tonight, the 
 one on the national hook-up. If you answer these 
 charges strong enough you may save yourself. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Meanwhile, I’ve sent for photographers to take 
 pictures of myself and my wife together in loving 
 attitudes ... if I lose this election I’ll run again. 
 I’ll get in right with the public if I have to buy a 
 paper to do it. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Now that’s a very good idea, buy a couple of 
 ’em an’ combine ’em. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll see what I can do. [ He picks up telephone .] 
 Bryant two hundred thousand. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You don’t waste no time, do you, Mr. Collins? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Time is money. £ Speaking over phone .] That 
 you, Smith? Get in touch with persons close to 
 
106 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 Hearst, Pulitzer, Ochs, Reid ... I don’t care what 
 time it is, get after it, find out what any of ’em will 
 sell for, arrange conferences. \He rings off.~\ 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I think you’ll find it much cheaper to start a new 
 paper. 
 
 COLEINS 
 
 Then I’ll do it, a little sheet full of pictures. 
 Photographs tell a story. I’m going to send out 
 pictures of myself and my wife everywhere. 
 
 [\Iohnnie and Clare sit stiffly on the couch 
 centre 
 
 CLARE 
 
 For God’s sake, if you can’t make love to me, let’s 
 look at pictures. Get those albums over there. 
 \fShe points to albums under table. He gets the 
 pile, stumbles and spills them all at her feetf ] Pick 
 them up. 
 
 \_He kneels in front of her picking up albums .]] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I fear I’m not graceful. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’ve had so many men on their knees in front of me. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 107 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 £ Sarcastically .] Yes, you have! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Why don’t you say pretty things to me? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Honest, I could learn to love a girl like you. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Then go out and learn, but don’t practice on me. 
 Now sit here. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 album open on knees .] What pretty pic- 
 tures. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, I feel as if I’d lived through the ages : here I 
 am in an aeroplane and here on the Chinese wall. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That dreamy, creamy Chinese moon. £ Pointing 
 
 to a pictured] You say this is the statue of Buddha? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 No, that’s Aunt Mary. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Who’s this — the Duke of Hoboken? 
 
108 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That’s a man at least, more than some people 
 can say. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I knew a girl once used to write me letters starting 
 “Big Man.” 
 
 CLARE 
 
 She must have been a midget. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 On the contrary, she was a fat lady with the 
 circus, and she conceived a hopeless passion for me. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Naturally, any passion for you would be hopeless. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I “Rises and struts around .] You don’t know the 
 half of it. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 | ^Rising.} Then take me in your arms and dance 
 with me. \^She turns on radio, dance music.*} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’d do anything for you. [ They dance. He 
 dances excruciatingly, stumbles, clutches her and 
 almost falls.} Thanks for supporting me. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 109 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Where did you learn dancing? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 International Correspondence Schools. \fHe falls, 
 she shakes loose and he goes sprawling on divan.~f[ 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Any bones broken? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 No. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That’s a shame. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I tried to learn the saxophone the same way, by 
 mail you know, I must play it to you some day. 
 But I don’t care so much about this modern dancing, 
 I think it’s a little indecent. 
 
 I wish it were. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 It’s hard to explain, but when we were fox-trotting 
 just now 
 
 CLARE 
 
 We? Where do you get the plural? 
 
no 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [ ‘Walking around uneasily .] What a nice house 
 you have. 
 
 CEARE 
 
 Do you expect to spend a good deal of time here? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Sure. [ 'Looking at deer's head over fireplace 
 Ah, the noble animal, did your father shoot this? 
 
 CEARE 
 
 That’s the gun he did it with. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Quite a weapon. 
 
 CEARE 
 
 Do you follow the hounds? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Only at a great distance. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I use a gun, I could shoot an apple off }mur head 
 at a hundred feet — if I can tell the apple from the 
 head 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That will be nice to try some day. [They move 
 to front of stage and sing a love duet. At the end 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 111 
 
 of it they sit down on the forestage steps and start 
 shooting craps! ] I never knew society girls could be 
 like you, I thought they were all heartless. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I have lots of feelings but nobody understands. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Same here ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I suppose an emotional person is bound to be hurt 
 all the time. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Say, I think we really, truly do like each other. 
 
 [He takes her hand .] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That’s what yon think, you little shrimp ! 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Don’t pretend to be worldly, Clare, it’s not like 
 you. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But I must pretend, nothing’s real anyway on such 
 a night as this. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I hear tell Romeo and Juliet passed some pretty 
 rough evenings. 
 
112 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But they were in love, I mean really, truly . . . 
 that doesn’t happen nowadays. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Only in Fairyland. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You said it! . . . oh, what’s the matter with us 
 all, father and mother and I? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Your home life has been manufactured for you by 
 underpaid reporters, so it’s all a pipe dream . . . 
 quick, Watson, the needle! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Do you use that stuff? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Wish I did. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’d just love to try it. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I don’t even smoke, I just imagine things — \^He 
 jumps up suddenly r\ There was a face at that 
 window . . . it’s gone now. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 113 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That was only our cat, Adolphus. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 A black cat ... no good ever comes of a black 
 cat, I don’t care if it’s name is Polyanna ; some- 
 thing’s going to happen. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It’s about time, now that you’ve proved such a 
 washout. 
 
 ^Collins comes out of study left, Peterson in 
 door of study behind him.~\ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Clare, where’s your mother ? I’ve decided to have 
 it out with her. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Better be careful, father. She says she won’t see 
 you, she’s locked herself in her room. And she’s 
 going on a hunger strike. 
 
 [Meanwhile Mrs. Collins has dressed and 
 packed her bag with Dorothy’s help. As 
 Clare speaks, Josephus is delivering a large 
 tray of sandwiches at Mrs, Collins’ door, 
 received guardedly by Dorothy.] 
 
114 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll cure her of that. \fHe crosses .' ] 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You want me to break down the door? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Not jet, I shall use reason. Go in my study and 
 wait. 
 
 ^Peterson goes into study. Collins goes up 
 stairs right and knocks at edge of platform. 
 No answer 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I wouldn’t, father. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Hush, dear, you don’t understand married peo- 
 ple’s feelings. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Is that so? Just the same, you might have some 
 respect for each other. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Respect, nonsense. \jShouts.'f\ Let me in. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [* Prompted by Dorothy, shouts.f] I won’t, a wife 
 has some rights. \Pause.~] And I’m not going to 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 115 
 
 eat a thing, I’m going to stay right here and die of 
 starvation. is munching a sandwich as she 
 
 speaks .] That’s what neglect is, that’s what un- 
 faithfulness can do to a sensitive plant ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \fTo Johnnie.] I can’t look at this; go away, 
 please, for my sake. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I’ll talk to that detective. ]fHe goes into study 
 left. Clare goes out, reard\ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Stop and think, Emma, everything we do is being 
 watched by people. [He sits moodily on steps .] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I said watched by millions of eager newspaper 
 readers anxious to smell the breath of scandal and all 
 that sort of thing. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Angrily . ] For the love of Mike, stand up so I 
 can hear you. 
 
116 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [Seated, goes on morosely .] The public want 
 bunk and we must give them bunk, we must tell them 
 we’re happy. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I can’t hear. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That’s the penalty of being a public servant. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Exasperated.] Come in if you want to argue. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [Enters the boudoir.] Look here, Emma, be sen- 
 sible, we’ve got to put up a united front. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Waving newspaper.'] And this? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Bunk ; we must answer it with more bunk. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You’re a public man, is that so? Well, why can’t 
 I be a public woman? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t think you know what you’re saying. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 117 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I know what they want, women’s souls torn to 
 shreds, I’ve just been told so — well, that’s me; 
 from now on I’m going to get some fun out of suffer- 
 ing. I’m going to let everybody look at the spectacle 
 of a fresh bleeding heart, until it kills me ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 My dear, you’re not talking sense. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 And have you all these years, have you ? [Through 
 lower window rear centre a man has climbed, a Thug 
 with a black band over his face. He goes to safe 
 left and works over combination .] Tell the truth 
 now. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’m a great man ; great men can’t tell the truth 
 until they’re dead. The truth about me is locked in 
 my safe downstairs, it will not be known until my 
 death. [The Thug below is industriously at work 
 on the safe .] The election is tomorrow, we’re before 
 the public, we’re caught in a machine that’s bigger 
 than either of us, the press ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Oh, it’s a nightmare. 
 
118 
 
 LOIJD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 We must stop it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It’s not my fault that you make a fool of yourself. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 But consider, Emma, I found you in the dark with 
 a man, I’ve since been informed that he had a beard. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I can’t help it, all great philosophers have beards. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t trust ’em, and if I find him — [He stops 
 himself abruptly .] All right, Emma, you see how 
 well I am controlling myself . . . we must return 
 to common sense. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Why should I? Hah! Why should I? I’ve just 
 begun to do my own stuff. I hate you and you 
 hate me and we’ve both been concealing it for years 
 on account of Clare, who doesn’t give a damn for 
 either of us. 
 
 The public 
 
 COLLINS 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 119 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 The public is delighted; I’ve learned jour lesson, 
 give them what they want. 
 
 [A very scared young man appears at window 
 on upper platform centre, peers in cautiously. 
 Another young man has come down aisle 
 through audience to stage.] 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 [Above, calling guardedly .] Hello, Eddie. 
 
 SECOND REPORTER 
 
 | [Below.] Hello, Bill. 
 
 [The Thug at safe, hearing voices hides right 
 rear, as Second Reporter comes warily to 
 stage.'] 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 Any news? 
 
 SECOND REPORTER 
 
 [In low voice.] They say one of the tabloids 
 has got the combination of his safe, going to break 
 in and steal his papers. 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 May be trouble. 
 
 SECOND REPORTER 
 
 I got troubles of my own, I don’t like this, I’m 
 going to beat it. [He returns to aisle of theatre. 
 
120 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 First Reporter stands listening above. Thug re- 
 turns to safe . ] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Jo Collins.] Why, I’m going to drag you 
 through every law court in this country, and I’m 
 going to write my private confessions every day. 
 \fShe laughs musically ff\ To think I thought religion 
 could save my soul, when all I wanted was publicity ! 
 
 [The Thug at safe has swung the door open 
 and is looking through papers in its interior. 
 Peterson has come out of study left and is 
 watching him, from behind. Peterson draws 
 his gum . ] 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Hands up. [The man suddenly swings, shoots. 
 Lights flash out. Two slwts in darkness. Pause 
 Peterson switches on lights. The Thug is gone.f\ 
 Aw hell . . . [He hurries out rear.f\ 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 ^Holding onto Collins.] Don’t move from here, 
 if you go out you’ll be shot. 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 \fFrom above, tremblingly descends stairs left to 
 stage ff\ I’m gonna get out of this ; hay, Eddie. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 121 
 
 SECOND REPORTER 
 
 [From aisle, tremulously .]] Here I am, Bill. 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 Three shots fired in politician’s house. 
 
 SECOND REPORTER 
 
 Let’s get to a telephone. 
 
 FIRST REPORTER 
 
 Right. 
 
 [ They hurry up the aisle together and disap- 
 pear. Johnnie comes cautiously out of 
 study, looks at the open safe .] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 | ^Hoarsely Papers, might be a big story. . . . 
 No, I can’t touch them, for her sake . . . but the 
 news. ... No, love is stronger than the press . . . 
 and I’m in love . . . oh, boy ! 
 
 £Collins, followed by Mrs. Collins and 
 Dorothy, comes down stairs right. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 [Entering hurriedly rear followed by Clare.]] 
 Mr. Collins, a crook opened this safe. 
 
122 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \fioing to safe. ] Gone ! My confessions were in 
 this safe, the true story of my life, my rise to power, 
 my thoughts . . . 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 [ 'Putting away his gum.] Shucks, I thought it 
 was something valuable. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 We must find the perpetrator. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 If we just get the guy who did it, I’ll be satisfied. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Pulls down gun over mantelpiece, addresses 
 Clare.] For your sake, I’ll find the man. \fHe 
 crosses with gun and goes off left, as if he were 
 stalking big game. Peterson goes off rear. Enter 
 Josephus right.~] 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 The photographers, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 We must make the best of this. Show ’em in. 
 [ 'Exit Josephus.] 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 123 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Photographers? I will not have my picture taken. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You must, for the public, for your own good name ! 
 I’ve prepared an article telling the world what a 
 happy little group we are after all, and I must 
 have a picture to go with it. ]jThree men with 
 large camera, 'flashlight, etc., appear right .] Come 
 in, boys. [ ‘The photographers set up their camera .] 
 I want something really homelike, here on the sofa, 
 for example. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Just a minute . . . just a minute, this is my 
 province. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Say, isn’t there any such thing as privacy? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Not for a great figure like you, Mr. Collins. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Well ... er .. . have a look at this family 
 group. 
 
 FIRST PHOTOGRAPHER 
 
 Why don’t you set the little woman on your knee, 
 sir? 
 
124 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I won’t do it. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Just the touch, dearie, intimate but not vulgar. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You sit beside me, Clare, I’ll be reading the paper. 
 tTo his wife fiercely Smile affectionately at me, 
 can’t you? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Indicating newspaper Would you mind turn- 
 ing over the page, I can’t look at that divorce story 
 again. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 {Turning paper. The comic page is just the 
 thing. 
 
 FIRST PHOTOGRAPHER 
 
 All set? 
 
 {The flashlight is ready 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 {Putting hand over eyes.~\ I can’t bear this 
 explosion. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 A little commonsense, please. [AIrs. Collins 
 starts up with a scream.{\ Nothing has happened 
 yet, sit down; now we’ve got to pose you all over 
 again . . . well, I suppose this will do. 
 
 {Flashlight . Mrs. Collins screams and rises.~\ 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 125 
 
 FIRST PHOTOGRAPHER 
 
 She spoiled it. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Of course she did. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I can’t help it, it’s my temperament. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 If you’re too nervous for a picture, you belong in 
 an asylum. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Not as nervous as you are. 
 
 Now, mother. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 I think a pose for just the two of you, as if nothing 
 could separate you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Wearily r\ All right, let’s try it. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Whom God has joined together, if you know what 
 I mean. \^She poses them.^\ Just the right touch. 
 Perhaps it would be better if Mr. Collins took off 
 his coat and rolled up his sleeves. 
 
126 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, that would be too much like a fight. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 A Jittle bit common perhaps. 
 
 FIRST PHOTOGRAPHER 
 
 [^Assisting the pose.'] Fine . . . fine . . . [He 
 rushes to machine motioning to flashlight man.] 
 Hold it . . . quick now. 
 
 [Just as picture is about to come off the 
 Bearded Stranger appears suddenly, dress 
 suit and all, comes to Mrs. Collins and kisses 
 her hand in courtly fashion, pushing Collins 
 out of the way. At this instant flashlight 
 goes off and picture is taken.] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 He got in the picture. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [Boiling with anger.] I’ll fix him. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Holding Collins back, screaming.] Don’t touch 
 him, he’s sacred. 
 
 [The Bearded Stranger, realizing he is not 
 wanted, starts to retreat over footlights into 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 127 
 
 the auditorium. Johnnie appears on stairs 
 right, gun in hand, pointing if.] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Stop ... or I shoot. 
 
 \fThe Bearded Stranger stops. The photog- 
 raphers gather up their material and retire .] 
 
 COX. LINS 
 
 fjCalls.^ Peterson, here’s jour man. 
 
 ^Peterson appears left and blows a whistle, at 
 which Johnnie falls downstairs. At Peter- 
 son’s call a big hulking detective enters rear 
 left .] 
 
 IKY 
 
 All right, Chief. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Arrest that bird. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \fTo Johnnie.] I want to thank you for what 
 you’ve done. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 ^Looking at gun.f\ Why, that’s not a real gun. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I know it. £ Falling over if.] I can’t handle the 
 thing at all. 
 
128 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 You must not touch this man, he is the bearer of a 
 secret doctrine. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 A Russian red, no doubt ; let him go back where 
 he came from. 
 
 [The Stranger protests in a strange tongue. 
 Iky, the Detective, answers him; they embrace 
 and kiss on both cheeks . ] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Ah, a couple of Odd Fellows. 
 
 IKY 
 
 Say, Boss, this guy’s all right, him an’ me is 
 Armenians. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Do ask him to tell us all about himself. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Wringing her liands.[\ That man saves souls, 
 and you torture him . . . Harry U. Collins, doesn’t 
 your soul need saving? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 For the sake of my soul, I’m going to lodge your 
 playmate in jail. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 129 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 But he’s been given money by the richest men to 
 build a Temple of Love on Fifth Avenue. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Send him away, Pete, and keep it quiet. 
 
 [ [The Bearded Stranger produces a large sheet 
 of paper . \ ] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What’s this? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 It’s the freedom of the city of New York, signed 
 by Mayor Walker. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 He understands all about the universe and the 
 spasms of the planets. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t care, take him away anyway, put him in 
 jail. 
 
 [The Bearded Stranger talks rapidly .] 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 He wants to make a statement. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 What does he say? 
 
130 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 IKY 
 
 He says you are a beautiful blood-red flower in 
 the desert of his life. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That’s simply duckie of him. 
 
 [The Bearded Stranger hisses her hand 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Take him away, he’s trying to inveigle my 
 daughter; take him to Ellis Island or Bellevue or 
 wherever you like. 
 
 £Peterson motions to Iky who exits with the 
 Bearded Stranger both talking rapidly in 
 Armenian .] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 All right. I’m through with you, you’ve insulted 
 my religious adviser. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Just another of your fool notions. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I’m going out on the streets to make my own 
 way, rather than depend on you a minute longer 
 . . . tonight to the Ritz, and tomorrow the streets ; 
 do you know what that means? [Tearfully The 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 131 
 
 sidewalks of New York? Are you going to raise a 
 finger to stop me? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \fLoohs up at her fixedly.^ No. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Mother, for my sake. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 As for you, you’ve always sided with your father, 
 as if I haven’t slaved to be a good mother to you. 
 Now for my own life, in printed form — you shall 
 read my secret thoughts in the newspaper. ]fShe 
 exits right. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 [ ‘Following with suitcase .] And I’m going to 
 write them. \fShe exits .] ] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 ^Helpfully. "2 Your wife doesn’t mean a word she 
 says. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 | [With a sigh of relief .] But she’s gone. I’d 
 better just take a little bracer before that big 
 speech. [He goes into his study. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 [Under standingly to Clare.] I’ll keep an eye on 
 him, Miss. [He follows Collins into study left .] 
 
132 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Now father will get drunk, and I . . . I’m about 
 to go to pieces myself. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Ah, Clare, you’re put together so nicely. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Nothing matters. What is life? What’s the 
 meaning of it all? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Don’t you go get Russian on me. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 We are marionettes and the newspapers pull the 
 strings. Why shouldn’t I make my little tragedy 
 into a big public drama? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 But, Clare, I love you. What about me? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You little shrimp, you haven’t even got the nerve 
 to ruin me. f^She bursts into tears and exits right P[ 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [F olloiving her. ] But, Clare, listen, I’ll do what 
 I can. tHe exits, Collins and Peterson sit in study 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 133 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 My eyes hurt me, Pete. Do you think this stuff 
 can be affecting my eyes? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Better cut it out. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 But it gives me courage to face my invisible pub- 
 lic. If I can only put myself over big enough. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Millions will be listening. If you can just bold 
 all those folks by the sound of your voice, maybe 
 you can lick the tabloids yet. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ll take an iron grip on myself, I’ll knock ’em 
 cold. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 That’s the idea. If I can trust you to do that, 
 I’ll go down to headquarters and get busy trying to 
 head off your wife; must have my men shadow her, 
 get her back safely before she does any damage. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t know as I’d get her back. 
 
134 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 One night out won’t damage her permanently. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, but unless she has some very unusual experi- 
 ence, it will not improve her. 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 Keep your mind on the speech, time is short. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ Consulting watch .] Time is money, I always 
 say. £ Pulling himself together and talcing another 
 drinJc.f\ I’m ready. I’m the candidate to tell ’em 
 some great truths ; when the bell rings I’ll step up to 
 the microphone and stir the very birds in the air. 
 
 PETEESON 
 
 Good, I’m off then . . . Governor, see you in 
 Albany. 
 
 [Teteeson goes out of study, crosses as 
 Josephus enters right; ushers in Floeadoba 
 Finnigan, painted and tired, hearing only 
 faint resemblance to the bathing girl of 
 Collins’ dreams.ff 
 
 FLOEADOEA 
 
 Tell him somebody from Atlantic City wants to 
 see him. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 135 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 £. Looking at her sarcastically .] Ah, the beautiful 
 rotten dead thing. 
 
 IHe exits laughing — Floradora breaks into 
 song, the romantic ballad, as before, 'while 
 Josephus crosses to Collins’ study. He 
 knocks on Collins’ door. Floradora sings 
 softly .3 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 “You called me your little rainbow girl” 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 That voice . . . she’s come. £ Appearing unstead- 
 ily in door of study, seeing her.^\ Is it real, is it 
 real, Josephus? 
 
 JOSEPHUS 
 
 Yes, sir. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Get out then. [^Josephus goes.f\ You’ve come, 
 out of the forgotten past. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 H>3oftly.'f\ You look like you don’t remember. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, no, it’s not that. 
 
136 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 On the beach in the moonlight, you and me, and 
 me in that little short bathing suit, like this. [~Slie 
 pulls up her skirts .] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 £ Holding up a warning handle Sufficient. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 And me singing . . . 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 For God’s sake, don’t sing. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I just wanted to remind you of those happy days 
 when you . . . you . . . ah, you know what you 
 did! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I did not. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Of course so many people have, but with you it 
 was different. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Really? . . . £ Hastily recollecting himself and 
 considting watch.f\ Come, come, I’ve got to broad- 
 cast a speech. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 137 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I read about you in the paper, and I was just 
 around the corner showing at a fashion show at the 
 Ritz. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 The Ritz! You’ve come at a very inopportune 
 time ; my wife just went there, she ran away. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 ^Sinking on couch .] Lucky break ... is there 
 any liquid nourishment on the premises? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I wonder what game you’re playing. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Sit beside me, big boy, and we’ll play any game 
 you like. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Haven’t you any sense of responsibility? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Not a bit; have you? \jShe strokes his hand.^\ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Say, that gives me an idea. 
 
138 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I thought you’d go getting some notion or other. 
 [[Johnnie dashes in right.'} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Mr. Collins, your daughter has just sold herself. 
 
 To a man? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 No, to a tabloid. [^Seeing Floradora.] And I 
 find you with this 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Don’t you dare say what you think. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I won’t say it, but I may print it. 
 
 [[Johnnie dashes off again .' ] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ [Walks up and down nervously. [] The last 
 straw . . . everybody misunderstands . . . my own 
 daughter ... I must set myself right with the pub- 
 lic, I must make a herculean effort to explain, I 
 must take a stand on the main issues. \fBell rings 
 and green light flashes on beside radio microphone. 
 Rest of stage grows dim. Collins steadies himself 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 139 
 
 and approaches it, speaks slowly Ladies and 
 gentlemen, I greet this great invisible audience, 
 through the courtesy of WOS, WCTU. . . . 
 ^Vaguely. "2 And a lot of other stations, to justify 
 myself as a man whose sole interest is the public ; the 
 tongue of slander is afoot, the tabloids are cackling, 
 and rightly . . . rightly that is, because they are 
 trying to take you in, make fools of the great Ameri- 
 can public, and they can do it too. . . . Why? Be- 
 cause the newspapers are blah . . . the Government 
 is blah, you folks are fed on pap that wouldn’t de- 
 ceive an infant in diapers— I’m here to give it to you 
 straight, are you listening, you gang out there? 
 
 ... to hear me slobber about honesty and good 
 government ! Suppose they tell you I’m a man of 
 sinful life. . . . Well, most of you are. ... So 
 am I! \^He realizes that his speech is going utterly 
 astray, sways uncertainly, then pulls himself to his 
 full height and lets himself go. ] I’m a man standing 
 here now with truth coming out of my mouth instead 
 of drool, but for the first time in my life I’m a man! 
 I’ve done a lot of crooked things and I’ve enjoyed 
 them, I’m too good to be governor, I get more 
 satisfaction out of telling the American public to 
 go to hell. . . . 
 
 Curtain . . 
 
ACT III 
 
 The Same Scene. The Next Evening. 
 
 The Stage is empty. Mrs. Collins and Peterson 
 come down the aisle of theatre. He is chewing a 
 cigar. Both carry folded newspapers. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I must see for myself, don’t try to stop me, don’t 
 lay hold of me. ... I guess I know what my duty 
 is ! I don’t believe any of it is true, it’s too terrible. 
 . . . You say he just disappeared and hasn’t been 
 heard from for twenty-four hours. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 The last word of him was his voice coming out of 
 the loud speaker last night. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 How could he? It’s ruined us. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Well, now, I don’t know; some people say it was 
 mighty smart to tell the truth, it’s never been done. 
 
 140 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 141 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I should hope not. Where would we be if people 
 started saying what they meant? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Well, now, psychology is a funny thing, I must 
 make a note about that. IHe takes out his note- 
 book, changes his mindd\ No, I guess I won’t. 
 
 [ They have reached the staged 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Don’t you think he’s hiding here under something? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 No, I don’t . . . I’ll just phone an’ see if there’s 
 any news of the election. \fHe goes into Collins’ 
 study left. Enter Clare right in charming suit and 
 perky hat carrying more newspapers .] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 My poor child! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Well, mother, crying won’t help it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But to think you’re an orphan now, practically, 
 and I’m a prostituted widow! 
 
142 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You mean prostrated, mother. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Oh, what’s the difference? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 A prostitute is a poor woman who walks round 
 looking for love. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [* Bursting into fresh tears .] That’s I ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’ve met you here as you asked, but not for an 
 orgy of tears. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Let me have a short cry first, dear. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 No, that’s out, you just do it for your own 
 pleasure and it bores me. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 But your father would like it. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Father never liked anything yon did. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 143 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 You take his side, just because you’ve read so 
 much Freud. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 I’m not thinking of Freud, I’m thinking of the 
 election. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 What about it? 
 
 CLABE 
 
 Here are all the papers, and, mother . . . oh, 
 mother, they’re got his confessions in them, father’s 
 confessions ; they must have stolen them, and it seems 
 we never really knew him at all. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 I was always sure of that; do let me see. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 And the election today. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 ^Absently looking at paper But he’s gone, 
 quite gone . . . why ! it’s like a ghost running for 
 governor; of course they’ll elect him — that’s Ameri- 
 can sentiment — vote for a dead man every time. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 Oh, forget it, mother. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 144 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I suppose if one takes enough veronal and gets 
 enough sleep, one can forget anything. . . . 
 £ Screaming as she lovhs at newspaper.'} But not 
 this ! . . . oh, not this ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [Looking over her shoulder.} You haven’t even 
 come to the bad part. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 £ Hardly able to read.} “Everyone, including my 
 wife and daughter, are stepping stones to be 
 tread on.” 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Not even good grammar, and wait till you come 
 to the dream girl. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [ Pointing to a picture.} Who’s this woman? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Texas Guinan. 
 
 AIRS. COLLINS 
 
 What’s she got to do with it? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Nothing at all, they just put her in. [Pointing to 
 another picture.} And this is supposed to be me, 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 145 
 
 this wall-eyed chit of a girl . . . pampered daugh- 
 ter. . . . \^She marches about in a rage . ] Pam- 
 pered, hell! £ Holding up another tabloid energetic- 
 ally But here’s where I get my innings . . . and 
 they pay me too, a thousand dollars an article. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Dear, that’s more than I’m getting. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I’m worth more. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I wouldn’t say that, and I hate to have you in 
 the papers at all ; a young girl’s reputation is like 
 a delicate flower. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 For Heaven’s sake, mother, can’t you talk natu- 
 rally ? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 No, dear, I’ve been to too many bad plays. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 And it gets into us so that we think like that, and 
 the newspapers talk like that and — what’s to become 
 of us? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 A new life will spring up in the ashes, my little 
 girl. 
 
146 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLABE 
 
 Don’t be such a fool. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 Don’t you be so intense, dear, you’ll make my 
 head worse. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 Suppose father were here now, would you welcome 
 him back? 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 Not after that confession! 
 
 CLABE 
 
 But you’ve been confessing yourself. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 That’s different, a woman has a right to her bash- 
 ful, secret little dreams. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 But tabloid dreams, tabloid tragedy 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 A tabloid governor . . . well, after all, I would 
 like to be the governess ! 
 
 [Tetebson, who has been talking in a low voice 
 over telephone in study left, returns 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 147 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 He’s actually got a chance, he’s pulling votes in 
 the metropolitan district ... a’ course they’ll snow 
 him under upstate, but the city looks good. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 After that speech? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Maybe that’s what fooled ’em, you can’t tell about 
 the public ! Maybe they think they got an honest 
 man. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But he was drunk when he made that speech. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Some folks is honester that way: psychology is a 
 funny thing. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But the tabloids? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You should worry! Each a’ you got your sepa- 
 rate organ of opinion now, mamma and papa and 
 daughter . . . but we got to find the old man; if 
 he wins the election it certainly would be better if 
 you all got together long enough to receive the news. 
 
148 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Perhaps he’s still drinking somewhere . . . oh, my 
 head! Clare, get me some veronal — No, I think Pd 
 better go to my room and lie down ; will you help me, 
 dear? I suppose the maids have gone. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Of course they’ve gone. \}Bell rings offstage 
 right, Clare turns to Peterson.] Answer that, will 
 you? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It might be your father. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 No, he wouldn’t ring. \}She and Mrs. Collins go 
 into boudoir upstairs right. Peterson returns 
 right with Johnnie carrying a big box of flowers.'} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What’s new? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Nothing much. 
 
 [ They sit centre. Pause.} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I think he’s got a chance. 
 
 So do I. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 149 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Look at these figures in the tenth ward, that’s 
 taking the icing right off of Tammany’s cake. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Looks like he might get a lucky break. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Clever! He pulled a new gag, the public will 
 always pay for a new gag. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Listen to me, kid, I’m an old timer, most a’ the 
 wise gags in politics is pulled by accident. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 And that stolen autobiography: they thought it 
 was scandal . . . and if it didn’t turn out to be 
 literature ! 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 You can’t tell these days. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 {^Wisely. ^ No, sir, you can’t tell. The upstate 
 news ought to be coming in. 
 
 I’ll see. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
150 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [ 'Holding up box of flowers.} Would it be more 
 appropriate to leave these in the box or put them in 
 a vase? 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 What is it, flowers or laundry? \f,He goes into 
 study left , to the telephone .] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I think a vase would be more intimate. \f,He picks 
 up a vase. Clare descends stairs right. ] Clare! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 What are you doing here? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 \jCrestf alien.} I must say, that’s a hot welcome. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Put down that vase; are you robbing the house? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Only of your heart. I came to offer myself. £ Be - 
 mg very nervous, he opens his arms, drops the vase 
 with a crash. He bends ruefully to pick it up. Mrs. 
 Collins sticks her head out on platform above 
 right.'} 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 151 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What was that? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 This fool — this man’s absurd carelessness. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Ask him if he wants me to have heart failure? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Mother wants to know if you want her to have 
 heart failure? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [Poking her head out again.[\ Tell him his care- 
 lessness is criminal. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Everything about him is criminal. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Clare, I’ve been reading your confessions. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Did you read mamma’s too? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I didn’t care for hers, but yours are wonderful 
 . . . the style: why, you didn’t say “dear Diary” 
 once. 
 
 [Bell rings right . ]] 
 
152 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You might at least have sense enough to answer 
 the door. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Oh, a door? Yes, of course, a door. I adore you. 
 I! He exits right.'] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \fShouts after him.] Fool . . . punster . . . 
 fool ! And the worst of it is I’m beginning to like 
 
 him. 
 
 ^Johnnie returns right with Floradora.] 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Oh, I didn’t know you were here? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 This lady knows something about your father. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 So you’re the Collins kid. I recognize you from 
 the paper. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 From the paper? I’ll have you know that death- 
 mask is a composite photo of the Floradora sextette. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 My name happens to be Floradora. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 153 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That explains a lot, and I’ll have you know I’m 
 no kid, either. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 You are to your father, and to me. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [To Johnnie, preparing for battle.f\ 
 her alone. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 If you need me, Clare 
 
 I’ll talk to 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I don’t. 
 
 £Johnnie joins Peterson in study left.[\ 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What’s new? 
 
 [^Peterson still at phone shows him sheet of 
 paper with figures. 
 
 Perhaps it would help if I took the figures on the 
 wire and you tabulated them. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 O. K. 
 
 ^Johnnie takes the phone and mumbles figures 
 to Peterson, who continues to arrange them 
 on, paper. Meanwhile Clare and Floradora 
 face each other . ] 
 
154 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 FLOKADOKA 
 
 You don’t like me, but maybe you’ll get to like me. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Why? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Because . . . oh, your popper an’ me . . . 
 
 CLARE 
 
 My father and you? You’re just cut out to be 
 some lucky girl’s mother. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Say, sister, if you don’t mind, he calls me baby. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [Drawing her out.[[ But not babykins? Don’t 
 tell me that ! Because if he called you babykins, I’d 
 kill you both. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Don’t kid me, I may be older than you are . . . 
 oh, yes, but I’m wiser. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Does father like you, really? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Can’t you imagine that? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 155 
 
 CLARE 
 
 How unhappy he must have been, to pick you! 
 
 ELORADORA 
 
 If I give him what he wants ! He asked me to 
 meet him here, he thought the family was out. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 If mother hears of this 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 But you won’t tell her, you always take his side, 
 I’ve read in the papers. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Damn the papers ! 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 That’s why I trust you . . . oh, it will do him 
 good, and I like him really. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 It’s just a little complicated by the fact that this 
 happens to be election day, but perhaps you only 
 take an academic interest in politics? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 He said himself the people could go to hell. 
 
156 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 For you? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Why not, if we go away together ... if he’s sick 
 of everything I’m sick of everything too, this is my 
 chance ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 And you love my father? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I knew you’d understand; he’s gone to headquar- 
 ters to resign, we’re going way South . . . oh, to the 
 South Seas maybe, where the sun shines, an’ music 
 an’ 
 
 CLARE 
 
 And you’ll wear a grass skirt! [She jumps up 
 suddenly and calls Mother! Mother! [Mrs. Col- 
 lins appears on stairs tiredly. Floradora is fright- 
 ened This woman is going to run away with 
 father. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [ [Puts her hand over eyes and speaks as if she were 
 dreaming Dear Diary ... I must try to think, 
 my heart is bleeding, for tonight my big man is leav- 
 ing with another, leaving for [Looking up 
 
 briskly. Where did you say? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 157 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 The South Seas. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Good, he won’t need his winter underwear. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But it’s not for the papers, mother, they intend 
 to 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Nonsense, dear, I’m sure this woman is a reporter, 
 she wants to know how I take it : don’t I take it 
 magnificently? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 You’ll soon know, he’s coming here. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Harry is found? 
 
 [[Clare sees a large pair of shoes sticking out 
 from under couch .[] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 What on earth are those shoes ? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Take them away. 
 
158 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \B ending.^ I can’t, they’re attached, they’re 
 coming out. [ ‘The shoes move and Dorothy crawls 
 out from under couch, pulling her typewriter after 
 her.~\ How dare you? 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 What are you beefing about? I get all the dis- 
 comfort, you get all the publicity ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I knew there was a reporter here, I’m psychic 
 about some things. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 Weeping women, and what’s the cause of it? A 
 man! While we wait and watch and pray, where 
 is he? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 That’s what I want to know. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I believe this woman is an impostor, I don’t be- 
 lieve she has an appointment with him at all. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 But if he’s going to elope with her 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 159 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Not without an appointment, dear; I know Harry. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 It’s lucky I happened to be here, because I can 
 help you all. 
 
 [ ‘A man’s voice dim and uncertain \ is heard over 
 the radio.] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Listen, that’s his voice, I guess I know his voice. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 That’s just static, mother. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 No, he’s struggling with the static, he’s talking 
 to the public. 
 
 collins’ voice 
 
 [ ‘Weakly over radio .] And that’s the truth, 
 folks . . . 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 {^Sinking on couch .] He can’t be telling the truth, 
 it’s not he. 
 
 collins’ voice 
 
 \^More loudly .] You’ve seen what the newspapers 
 can do to a family. If I am elected, you will see 
 
160 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 what a family man can do to the newspapers, I will 
 protect womanhood . . . 
 
 [Voice is drowned in static. Johnnie in study 
 at telephone jumps up shouting “Hurrah.” 
 Peterson takes the telephone .] 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 [Comes out of study. ] Hurrah ! Hurrah ! Ca- 
 yuga County is for Collins ! The Adirondack Moun- 
 tains are for Collins ! He’s found. He’s been talk- 
 ing from headquarters. 
 
 He’s sober. 
 We’re saved. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 But then what . . . what’s to become of me? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 He’ll be here in a minute. [Bell rings off stage 
 rightf ] That may be more news. [He hurries off 
 right . ] 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [To Floradora.] Don’t you think you’d bet- 
 ter go? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 No, I’m going to see this through if it kills me. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 161 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You still think he’ll go? 
 
 ELORADORA 
 
 He gave me his word. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 [ ‘To Mrs. Collins.] How beautiful this reunion 
 will be, and how sad ! 
 
 £Johnnie returns right.'} 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 There’s a crowd around the house, shouting for 
 Collins; reporters at the door, shall I bring ’em in? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 No, no, keep them out. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You must show them that the family is united. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 We’ll see them at the door; come, mother. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 [To Dorothy.] How much I will have to tell my 
 dear Diary. 
 
 [Mrs. Collins, Clare and Johnnie go out 
 right rear.} 
 
162 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 [j Coming to Floradora in business-like manner .] 
 Now if you’d just tell pie the story of your life. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 [ 'Bursting into tears I’m so lonely. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 They all are, so am I! No news in that. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 He won’t even look at me when he comes, an’ it 
 was just about my last chance for the big jnoney. 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 You don’t deserve a chance, you bad girl. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 That’s it, the good women are always putting it 
 over on us. ... I want my Harry, I want my mil- 
 lionaire boy ! But you wait, if I lose him I’ll get 
 even — — 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 No bitterness, dear; no Bolshevism ... I know 
 a good deal about Sex 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I heard tell of it myself. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 163 
 
 DOROTHY 
 
 As a newspaper woman, of course — but perhaps 
 we’d best not discuss it, I’ll join the others. [She 
 exits right. Collins tiptoes in cautiously left 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 [Startled.} Did you meet your family? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I saw a crowd and I sneaked in the servant’s 
 entrance . . . hush ... do they know it yet? 
 [He sits beside her.'} 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 What? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [In a whisper.} I’m elected, I’m going to be the 
 next governor. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Oh? And what about me? 
 
 [[Peterson drops phone in study, shouts “ Hur- 
 rah ” and dashes in, centre.} 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Mr. Collins, thank God you’re here, I got great 
 news. [Pause.} You’re elected, I just got it figured 
 out. 
 
164 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [To Floradora.] Isn’t that amazing? I’m 
 elected. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I want to be the first to congratulate you — you 
 sure take it easy. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Hah, the iron grip, Pete! 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 That one speech did it, of all the sure-fire 
 hokum 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I had it figured out that way myself. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Now listen, big boy, I was here- 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I cleared my mind, cleared my throat, stepped to 
 the microphone, and told the public what I thought 
 of them. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 I wouldn’t a’ dared take the chance. 
 
 £Floradora laughs .] 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 165 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Pete, if you want to be Director of Public Safety 
 for this State, whatever that is, give me five minutes 
 alone here, five minutes as a free man. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 O. K., Governor. XHe goes out right .)] 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Governor . . . h’m . . . how’s that? 
 
 ELORADORA 
 
 Do you really believe all that about yourself? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 H’m, do you think I’d tell an untruth? . . . 
 never . . . 
 
 ELORADORA 
 
 Last night, you said you’d go away with me for- 
 ever. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Ah . . . h’m ... a moment of mad bad love 
 . . . h’m . . . \^He coughs .] Now don’t cry. What 
 are you crying about? I’ll give you money. 
 
 ELORADORA 
 
 Money ain’t everything. 
 
166 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 How true ! But you might as well be my wife go- 
 ing on like this. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 She’s here. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Rising worried .] What ? 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 At the door, meeting the reporters. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 She would be. Then you’d better go. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 \^Looks up at him touchingly . So it’s the end, 
 so soon? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What do you expect? I have my duty to the 
 people. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I don’t blame you, you couldn’t turn down a soft 
 job like that. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 For a moment I thought I could. I went to head- 
 quarters just now with the intention of refusing. I 
 stepped to the microphone to defy the public, to say 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 167 
 
 good-by . . . [He marches up and down impor- 
 tantly .] To make a great farewell and retire to the 
 little island of Elba — and then this other thing came 
 over me, the sense of that invisible mob out there, 
 the sense of control, a higher power urging me on 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 You mean your wife? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, no, I tell you I had a mystic experience at 
 headquarters. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I hand it to any woman who can give you that. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 And just then they brought the news like a mes- 
 sage from above, “Collins is elected! Hurrah” 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Look out, your wife will hear you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 quietly head in hands . What can I do be- 
 sides accept? I wish I could figure the thing out. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 What’s the matter, big boy? Got one a’ those 
 philosophic drunks? 
 
168 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I am not drunk. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I wish you were, it’s safer than thinkin’ ; better to 
 run wild an’ break a little furniture. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 But I must think, it’s all so disorderly. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I ought to know about that, I was born in a dis- 
 orderly house. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You and I are the same. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Was you too? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 No, no . . . both servants of the people, that puts 
 it in a new light. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Say, talk like folks, will you, I don’t get this at all. 
 Oh, it’s no use, it’s all off, the South Seas an’ all. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 There are no newspapers in the South Seas : why 
 you and I would go crazy in the tropics. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 169 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 ^Giggles.'} Can’t you just see us on a double bed 
 among the fever trees? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Sensual love, if I may use the phrase, as we tired 
 people imagine it, is just as crazy as that. I 
 wouldn’t last a year in the tropics, I’d go out like 
 a light. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Oh, well, maybe that’s what I was figurin’ on. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Go on . . . you’re almost as old as I am. I was 
 drunk last night when I thought you were young. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 ^Sobbing softly.^ But I’m gettin’ fond a’ you, 
 though. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Do you read Greek? | [He points to motto over 
 fireplace “Keep watch over thy hearthstone, my 
 beloved !” . . . Beloved ! That’s a hot one. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 \^Still sobbing, splashes powder and lipstick on her 
 face furiously r\ Don’t I look cute now? 
 
170 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Please don’t look cute, it’s terrible. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 So Pm old, am I? Lots a’ people have said I got 
 the shape of a girl of eighteen. I’ll show you . . . 
 \jShe starts to tear off her dress.f[ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t do that, you can’t laugh at decency and get 
 away with it. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 I’m not laughin’, I’m cryin’, but I’ll show you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 £ Struggling with her.f[ Don’t undress here. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Old, am I? I got young ideas. \fShe dashes into 
 his study left and slams door, undressing madly. 
 Mrs. Collins appears right. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Harry, there you are. | ''He turns, worried .] Take 
 my hand, Harry, I forgive you . . . let’s face the 
 future; whatever happens there’s sunshine and 
 flowers. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 171 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 You mean that, Emma? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Yes, Harry, it’s a case of love among the ruins. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t start quoting right away. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 If you’d only come into the silence with me, a 
 warm bath in the occult. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’m in hot water enough. 
 
 [TFloradora in filmy undies sticks her head out 
 of study left 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 Will you come here a moment, Harry? 
 
 [Mrs. Collins falls hack on couclif\ 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 My God! \fHe dashes into study. Enter right 
 Clare followed by Johnnie and the Bearded 
 Stranger, the latter wearing dress suit as in Act II . ] 
 
 Mother dear. 
 
 CLARE 
 
172 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 There’s a woman in there and he actually left me 
 alone when I fainted. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Ah, go on, you didn’t really faint. 
 
 CLABE 
 
 fTo Johnnie.] Shut up. ]fTo her mother, in- 
 dicating Beabded Stbangeb.] Your friend has ar- 
 rived. 
 
 ^Beabded Stbangeb bows low to Mbs. Collins 
 and speaks comforting unintelligible words .] 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 Thank Eeaven, you’re here, you can straighten out 
 everything, you must save him from himself. In 
 there! \fShe points to door of study left, behind 
 which Collins is trying unsuccessfully to suppress 
 Floeadoba. Beabded Stbangeb opens door. Col- 
 lins comes out of study, and Beabded Stbangeb 
 walks inf ] My spiritual adviser is such a comfort 
 to me, Clare. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I thought that man was in jail. 
 
 MBS. COLLINS 
 
 “Stone walls do not a prison make, 
 
 Nor iron bars a cage.” 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 173 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Nevertheless, that’s what they generally use. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Don’t be so vulgar. 
 
 ^Meanwhile in Collins’ study, the Bearded 
 Stranger has captured Floradora with a 
 low how, a kiss on the hand, and conversation 
 which now more than ever resembles Yiddish 
 and which Floradora understands 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Is that fellow with the beard going to be one of the 
 family from now on? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 He’d better be, after that picture of him and you 
 and mother that’s been printed everywhere. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 All that you are you owe to that man: from his 
 lowly cell he demonstrated to win the election for 
 you ; I paid him for it ; his spiritual light brought 
 me to return to you, his power 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Let him show his power then ! ^Bearded Stranger 
 opens door left for Floradora in her undies, her 
 
174 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 dress thrown over his arm. Offering her the other 
 arm, he escorts her across with great dignity. Right 
 rear he hows low, hands her the dress, hisses her hand 
 and she exits riglit.f\ There may be something in 
 this ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 There is ! He can save us, Harry, he can even 
 make you a good governor, he can lead us all into a 
 sunlit future with starry eyes ! 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Oh, come now 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \fTo Johnnie tersely Shut up. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Sitting wearily .] Let him do it then. I’m tired 
 out. . . . \fHand over eyes. ] My eyes . . . every- 
 thing seems to go dark around me. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You admit that you need help? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Maybe there’s something in this spiritual stuff 
 . . . I’m a plain man, how should I know? 
 
 ^Bearded Stranger stands centre with a -fixed 
 expression on his face.f\ 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 175 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 If you’ll trust him. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Show me something to believe in now, give me the 
 mystic mit or whatever it is, let him ring the bell 
 right now ! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I "N ervously r\ But it’s rather hard to expect. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Right now ! I’m sick in my mind. 
 
 [j Curiously enough the Bearded Stranger be- 
 gins to mutter in a strange voiced 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 If he only will, he can show us the whole Future 
 and the coming course of the stars. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I don’t care about the stars, just let him show us 
 ourselves. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 See the look in his eyes. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 Haikim . . . Saikim . . . Haikim . . . Sesame . . . 
 that means open the book of the Future. ^Bearded 
 
176 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 Stranger spreads his arms and goes on, unknown 
 resounding words in a mysterious voice. Mrs. Col- 
 lins is very much moved.'} Hush . . . oh, Hush 
 . . . that means, peace on this house ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 If he can bring us that, by God, let him do it. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 It really ought to begin with a dance. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Well, let’s dance. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 No, dear, an Eastern or sacred dance. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 He just wants to get money out of you. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Shut up ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I’ve lived for money and I’d give it all for one 
 minute’s peace. 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 I feel a darkness coming over me, and out of the 
 darkness a voice. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 177 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I begin to feel something, or is it mj eyes? 
 
 [The stage is growing darker .] 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 The birth in Silence is coming, the kaleidoscope of 
 the Future. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What does the darkness mean? 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 What does the voice say? 
 
 [The darkened stage is now blotted out. A 
 long pause .] 
 
 johnnie’s voice 
 Nothing’s happened. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Shut up! 
 
 MRS. COLLINS 
 
 You wait, young man, you wait. 
 
 [Another protracted silence in darkness. Low 
 music. Then Collins’ voice comes out of the 
 darkness brisk and business-like. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 What do you mean? What’s that you say? [A 
 bright light shows him seated at his desk, the rest 
 
178 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 of the stage absolutely dark. The two dummies with 
 wax business faces behind the desk. Collins, at 
 telephone, jiggles hook up and down.~\ This is the 
 Governor speaking from the Executive Mansion, I 
 just had my daughter on the phone, and you cut 
 
 me off, you cut off the Governor 
 
 [[Peterson appears at his side with a paper. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Sign this ! 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 I won’t sign that paper, it’s robbery of the people. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 \jHarshly.f\ Don’t you get feelin’ so big: do you 
 know why you were elected? Speeches? Fiddle- 
 sticks ! At first, big money thought you were dan- 
 gerous, then they found you were such a fool they 
 could handle you : now sign that or you’ll be im- 
 peached. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Is he right, Smith? Is he right, Jones? 
 
 ]jThe dummies nod . ] 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 Sign! [[Collins signs. Low music continues. 
 And the parade is in five minutes, so be ready ! 
 [[Peterson disappears .[] 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 179 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [* Mutters .] Dust and ashes ! What’s the matter 
 with everything? Can you two dummies tell me? 
 [ They continue to nod gravely. ] Damn you, I’ll fix 
 you ! ]fHe knocks them over angrily. They fall out 
 of sight. Phone rings and he picks it up.f[ Clare, 
 my baby, is that you? What? You’ve just mar- 
 ried that damn reporter? You’re eloping to China 
 in ten minutes. . . . My God ! £ Flustered with real 
 
 feeling Clare, my little daughter, you can’t run 
 away from me like that, you’re all I care about in 
 the world. 
 
 [Tloradora in her pink chemise appears beside 
 him, barefooted, tying a flesbrpink stocking 
 about his neck.~\ 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 You still got me to comfort you. 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 \Over telephone, collecting himself .] Oh, well, a 
 man can’t be emotional over the telephone. Good 
 luck, dear. IHe rings off.f\ So everything’s just 
 the same as it was before, driven along by what I 
 don’t understand, you and my wife . . . I’ve got 
 you both. 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 There, honey bunch, don’t worry, just write me 
 out a check, I’m the one that knows what love is. 
 
180 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 Don’t call it love ! 
 
 FLORADORA 
 
 You’ll think different some evening in the moon- 
 light. 
 
 \}Music, which has continued, grows louder. 
 Peterson reappears 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 The parade. 
 
 \}Light grows on the structure of the scene. The 
 ward politicians with wax faces march in on 
 stairs carrying American flags.} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 tAt door of his study.} Gentlemen, I greet you 
 in the name of this great State. £ Realizing that he 
 has a stocking around his neck, he unwinds it and 
 holds it out in an oratorical gesture.'} The truth 
 is . . . 
 
 [^Peterson seizes an American flag from one 
 of the politicians and drapes it about Flora- 
 dora-3 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 They’re waiting for a speech, Miss America will 
 lead you to the platform. 
 
 \More and more figures with wax faces and 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 181 
 
 American flags appear \on stairs and plat- 
 forms marching up, down and about slowly. 
 Darkness and a light on the group that as- 
 cends stairs right. The group consists of 
 Collins, Peterson and Floradora draped in 
 the flag. Sudden silence.*} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 [ 'On the platform, outlined against the pale sky 
 behind him.} My eyes, Pete, I can’t see very well. 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 They’re waiting . . . speak . . . 
 
 Where am I? 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 PETERSON 
 
 The crowd is down there below. 
 
 I ~A great roar swells from the outer darkness 
 and subsides.} 
 
 COLLINS 
 
 ^Walking on platform uncertainly with arms 
 spread.} I don’t see anything but a multitude of 
 stars. \fHe walks off the platform. A crash, dark- 
 ness, the roar of voices swells again, and then is lost 
 m music.} 
 
 \Then a soft light grows and front, against a 
 
182 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 blue drop, a love boat floats on a Chinese 
 river, picturesquely decked with lanterns. 
 Lying back on cushions are Johnnie and 
 Clare in a rosy light. Music continues, and 
 distant voice singing, “ Dreamy moon . . . 
 Creamy moon . . 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 There’s no tragedy to it, except there’s no sense 
 in it. Anything’s possible nowadays ; look at the 
 theatre, jumps around till you’re dizzy — if you want 
 to be in China, there you are! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 \^With a sigh.' ] Here we are. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What a honeymoon ! Just you and I in a love 
 boat, on the most beautiful of China’s sacred rivers. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Coney Island’s better. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You said it . . . lying here on a smelly river, 
 listening to bad music, I think these cushions are 
 wet — and where the devil is that Chinese moon? 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 183 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Honeymoon! Dear old moon! 
 
 I The moon, very large, yellow and artificial, 
 rises behind them, with romantic tootling of 
 Chinese horns.^\ 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 I don’t think so much of that. £ Turning on her 
 suddenly Clare, love is a failure. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I knew that before I married you. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Then why? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I thought it over carefully and I decided you were 
 a terrible fool but I could probably make a million- 
 aire of you. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Money, so that’s it? I’ll make some money when 
 we get back to New York. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 The newspapers are still coming out every hour. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 It’s a crazy town, but it rules the earth— I’m go- 
 ing into politics and clean up a million. 
 
184 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 CLARE 
 
 And be just like father 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 And you’ll be like your mother. 
 
 I will not. 
 Shut up. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Oh, shut up yourself- 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 This will go on for twenty years, and then we’ll 
 discover a new religion which is neither new nor reli- 
 gious and from that moment on we’ll go round look- 
 ing for our astral bodies. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Stuff. Life isn’t like that. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What’s life like? Got to travel seven hundred 
 million miles before we begin to find out. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 ^Rising.~] Then I think I’ll jump overboard after 
 all. 
 
LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 185 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 You haven’t the nerve, don’t rock the boat. \jShe 
 sits again.'J Is that bottle of saki all gone? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 £ Holding up bottle Empty. \jShe throws it 
 overboard .J Oh, for some real genuine synthetic 
 gin ! 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Let’s get drunk tonight and start for the states 
 tomorrow. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Do you mind if I send a cable to the Graphic , 
 “Honeymoon a failure, returning broken-hearted”? 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 That’s a very good idea, got to keep before the 
 public, damn them ! 
 
 CLARE 
 
 Rut I wish . . . oh, I wish . . . 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 What’s the matter now? 
 
 CLARE 
 
 I wish that you and I were madly in love, like 
 people in the movies. 
 
186 
 
 LOUD SPEAKER 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Why wish? We’re not built for it. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 You mean you’re not, you little shrimp. 
 
 JOHNNIE 
 
 Underneath the celestial moon let us return to 
 Pekin in honorable silence, and get very tight. 
 
 CLARE 
 
 [Nervously. Do stop gabbling. 
 
 [He obeys. A long pause. Music grows louder, 
 and distant singing again, “ Dreamy moon 
 . . . Creamy moon . . 
 
 Curtain 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
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