•mJ^'^J^ 
 
 
DUKE UNIVERSITY 
 
 LIBRARY 
 
 The Glenn Negley Collection 
 of Utopian Literature 
 
Digitized by the Internet Arciiive 
 in 2010 witii funding from 
 Duke University Libraries 
 
 http://www.archive.org/details/facetimiscellaOOIione 
 
FACETIiE 
 
 AND 
 
 MISCELLANIES. 
 
 By WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 i©itt) <Bnt i^undreb and Ctnentp ^ngratiing^, 
 
 DRAWN BY GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. 
 
 " 'We twa hae paidl't" — 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PUBLISHED FOR WILLIAM HONE, 
 BY HUNT AND CLARKE, TAVISTOCK STREET, 
 
 COVENT GARDEN. 
 
 1827. 
 
J. M'Cfoert, Tooki Court, 
 Chauc«ry-L«De, London. 
 

 ADVERTISEMENT. 
 
 This collection was designed, and would have 
 been published at the date of the following " In- 
 troduction," if the proof sheet, then received from 
 the printer, had not been detained till he was tired 
 of sending for it. Afterwards it was forgotten, or 
 only remembered when matters of more seeming 
 importance determined me to forego the intent ; it 
 is now resumed, because my attention is neces- 
 sarily directed to "things lying about," 
 
 " But why revive these pieces which have long 
 been dead?" 
 
 My purpose is not a revivification, but a decent 
 funeral : " I come to bury these, Sir, not to praise 
 'em." 
 
 November, 1826. 
 
 Two pamphlets, in controversy with the Quarterly Re- 
 view, have accrued to the volume since the date of the In- 
 troduction. 
 
CONTENTS. 
 
 Jntroj)Uction. 
 
 Political House that Jack Built. 
 Man in the Moon, &c. 
 Queen's Matrimonial Ladder. 
 DuoPT Clauses out of the Bill against the 
 Queen. 
 
 NoN MI RiCORDO ! 
 
 Form of Prayer for the Queen. 
 
 Political Showman. 
 
 The Rioht Divine of Kings to govern wrong. 
 
 Bank Note. 
 
 Bank Restriction Barometer. 
 
 Origin of Dr. Slop's Name. 
 
 Slap at Slop. 
 
 Aspersions Answered. 
 
 Another Article for the Quarterly Review. 
 
INTRODUCTION. 
 
 Scene — An Interior — No. 45, Ludgate Hill. 
 Time— Ant/ time— A. D. J 822. 
 
 r KAY, Sir, have you The Political House that 
 Jack Built, and the author's other pieces? 
 
 They are before you, Madaui. 
 
 They are very clever — 
 (a bow) 
 
 I am at Mr. Hone's, am I not? 
 
 Yes, Madam. 
 
 Is he at home? (a smile) 
 
 Yes, Madam. 
 
 {A start)— Does he know the writer of these 
 pamphlets? 
 
 Yes, Madam. 
 
 Indeed! Is it possible to see him? 
 
VI INTRODUCTION. 
 
 He has the honour, Madam, of being- addressed 
 by you. 
 
 What, Sir, —{cmol/ier start)— ^re you Mr. Hone? 
 {another boiv) 
 
 But really now? 
 
 Really, Madam. 
 
 Surprising! 
 
 Why so, Madam? [a smile). 
 
 Why, indeed. Sir, I did not suppose I should 
 
 see you and I did not expect— {embarrassed) 
 
 that is, 1 thought 1 expected — I — I — 
 
 Allow me, Madam, to conclude: — you expected 
 1 had horns and hoofs, a forked tail, and spouted 
 fire? 
 
 La ! Sir — but really 
 
 Perhaps you will take a chair. Madam? — {a how, 
 a curtsey, and the lady seated.) 
 
 But, Sir, pray now, was it Mr. , or Mr. 
 
 , or , that wrote The Political 
 
 House that Jack Built? 
 
 Neither, Madam. 
 
 Upon your honour, Sir? 
 
 Upon my honour, Madam. 
 
 Well ! you knoiv the author : is his name an in- 
 violable secret? 
 
 Not quite, Madam. 
 
 Delightful ! Who is he? I am dying to know. 
 
 Were 1 even the grave of a secret, I should re- 
 gret a lady's death. I would prefer, however, 
 that this should not be disclosed by me. 
 
 Why, Sir? For what reason ? 
 
 Because, Madam because 
 
INTRODUCTION. Vll 
 
 Because what, Sir? 
 
 Because, Madam, I wrote it myself. 
 
 {Pique and astonishment.) Well, Sir, (rising) 
 I perceive that you know how to disappoint a 
 lady, without appearing to refuse her request. 
 
 [Exit in a rage.) 
 
 However flattering the remark, that " it is im-. 
 possible these fine children can be yours," there 
 is something provoking in it. I am not ashamed 
 of my offspring, and am responsible for what the 
 poor things do, and it is not pleasant to hear their 
 parentage ascribed to others ; therefore, I collect 
 them together, in my paternal character — prefer- 
 ing this mode of affiliation, to being profane for 
 a shilling, and swearing before the Lord Mayor. 
 
 But while claiming the contents of the volume, 
 I except the Man in the Moon ; though the Carol, 
 and the remainder of that pamphlet are mine: I 
 have further to except about three octavo pages 
 in the Slap at Slop. The original form of the lat' 
 ter publication was a newspaper sheet: Buona- 
 partephobia was also printed on an open sheet. 
 
 The Public has already decided, and it is not 
 fitting that I should remark on these productions. 
 They savour somewhat, perhaps, of the ancient 
 spirit of my country, and of converse with books, 
 rather than men. The reading I am familiar with, 
 may be inferred from the Political Showman — 1 
 am not ashamed to own that it cost me more la- 
 
viii INTRODUCTION. 
 
 bour, and was less popular, than either of my other 
 pieces. 
 
 Pope observes, in the advertisement to his first 
 Satire in imitation of Horace, that " there is not 
 in the world a greater error than that which fools 
 are so apt to fall into, and knaves with good rea~ 
 son to encourage, the mistaking a satirist for a 
 libeller; whereas, to a true satirist, nothing is so 
 odious as a libeller, for the same reason as to a 
 man truly virtuous, nothing is so hateful as a 
 hypocrite." 
 
 Mr. Gifford likewise teaches, in the preface to 
 his translation of Juvenal, that '* the legitimate 
 office of satire is to hold up the vicious as ob- 
 jects of reprobation and scorn, for the example 
 of others, who may be deterred by their sufferings ; 
 there is in such men a wilfulness of disposition, 
 which prompts them to bear up against shame, 
 and to show how little they regard light reproof, 
 by becoming more audacious in guilt: vice, like 
 folly, to be restrained, must be overawed." 
 
 Thus instructed, 1 upon due provocation wrote; 
 — if 1 have wit, " it lies as cold in me as fire in a 
 flint, which will not show without knocking." 
 
 W. HONE. 
 
 November, t8?2. 
 
THE POLITICAL 
 
 HOUSE 
 
 THAT 
 
 JACK BUILT. 
 
 A straw— tlirown up to sliow which way tlie wiud lilowi." 
 
 WITH THIRTEEN CUTS. 
 
 The Pen and the Sword. 
 
 Mft^'tUvH etrittou* 
 
 LONDON : 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, 
 
 LUDGATE HILL, 
 1821. 
 
 ONE SIIILI INC. 
 
" Many, whose sequester'd lot 
 
 Forbids their interference, looking on. 
 Anticipate perforce some dire event ; 
 And, seeine; tiie old castle of the state, 
 That promis'd once more firmness, so assail'd, 
 That all its tempest-beaten turrets shake. 
 Stand motionless expectants of its fall." 
 
 CoWPEli. 
 
 KOTE. 
 
 Kach Motto that follows, is from Cowper's "Task." 
 
THE AUTHOR'S 
 
 DEDICATION 
 
 TO 
 HIS POLITICAL GODCHILD. 
 
 TO 
 
 DOCTOR SLOP, 
 
 IN ACKNOWLEDGMENT OF 
 
 MANY PUBLIC TESTIMONIALS OF HIS FILIAL GRATITUDE ; 
 
 AND TO 
 
 THE NURSERY OF CHILDREN 
 
 ^i% JTeet i|)tgl), 
 
 HIS READERS, 
 
 FOR THE DELIGHT AND INSTRUCTION OF THEIR 
 UNINFORMED MINDS : 
 
 THIS JUVENILE PUBLICATION 
 
 IS AFFECTIONATELY INSCRIBED, 
 UY 
 
 THE DOCTOR'S POLITICAL GODFATHER, 
 
 THE AUTHOR. 
 
 *^* The Publication wherein the Author of " The Political House that 
 Jack Built" conferred upon Dr. SLOP the lasting distinction of his 7iame, urns 
 a Jeu d'Esprit, entitled " Buonapartephobia, or cursing made easy to 
 the meanest capacity" — It is reprinted, and mmj be had of the Publisher 
 Price One Shilling. 
 
" A distant age asks where the fabric stood." 
 
 THIS IS THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
" Not to understand a treasure's \Forth, 
 
 Till time has stolen away the slighted good^ 
 
 li cause of half the poverty we feel, 
 
 And makes the world the wilderness it is." 
 
 THIS IS 
 
 THE WEALTH 
 
 that lay 
 In the House that Jack built. 
 
J-" A race obscene, 
 
 SpawnM in the muddy beds of Nile, came forth. 
 
 Polluting Egypt: gardens, fields, and plains, 
 
 Were cover'd with the pest ; 
 
 The croaking nuisance lurk'd in every nook ; 
 
 Nor palaces, nor even chambers, 'scap'd; 
 
 And the laud stank -so num'rous was the fry." 
 
 THESE ARE 
 
 THE VERMIN 
 
 That plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, 
 That Jack built. 
 
Once enslaved, farewell ! 
 * • • • 
 
 Do I forbode impossible events, 
 
 And tremble at vain dreams ? Heav'n grafit I may !" 
 
 THIS IS 
 
 THE THING, 
 
 that in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, 
 
 by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, 
 That plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, 
 That Jack built. 
 
Th'* 'Pals of office slitter iu his eyes 
 He climlis^, he pants, In- erasps them — 
 To be a pest where he was useful once; 
 
 THIS IS 
 
 THE PUBLIC INFORMER, 
 
 who 
 Would put down the Thing, 
 
 that, in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, 
 by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, that Jack built. 
 
Ruffians are abroad 
 
 • • • 
 
 Leviathan is not so tamed." 
 
 THESE ARE 
 
 THE REASONS OF LAWLESS POWER, 
 
 That back the Public Informer, 
 
 who 
 Would put down the Thing, 
 
 that, in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, 
 
 by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, 
 That plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, 
 That Jack built. 
 
— " Great offices will have 
 
 Great talents." 
 
 This is THE MAN— all shaven and shorn, 
 All cover'd with Orders— and all forlorn; 
 
THE DANDY OF SIXTY, 
 
 who bows with a grace, 
 And has taste in wigs, collars, 
 
 cuirasses, and lace; 
 Who, to tricksters and fools, 
 
 leaves the State and its treasure, 
 And, when Britain 's in tears, 
 
 sails about at his pleasure, 
 Who spurn'd from his presence 
 
 the Friends of his youth, 
 And now has not one 
 
 who will tell him the truth ; 
 Who took to his counsels, 
 
 in evil hour. 
 The Friends to the Reasons 
 
 of lawless Power ; 
 That back the Public Informer 
 
 who 
 Would put down the Thing, 
 
 that, in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, 
 
 by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, 
 That plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, 
 That Jack built. 
 
PortentouSj unexampled, unexplaia'd! 
 
 What man seeing this, 
 
 Aud having human feelings, does not blush. 
 And hang his head, to think himself a man? 
 
 I cannot rest 
 
 A silent witness of the headlong rage. 
 
 Or heedless folly, by which thousands die 
 
 Bleed gold for Ministers to sport away." 
 
 THESE ARE 
 
 THE PEOPLE 
 
 all tatter'd and torn, 
 Who curse the day 
 
 wherein they were born, 
 On account of Taxation 
 
 too great to be borne, 
 And pray for relief, 
 
 from night to morn : 
 Who, ill vain, Petition 
 
 in every form. 
 
Who, peaceably Meeting 
 
 to ask for Reform, 
 Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry, 
 
 who 
 Were thank'd by THE MAN, 
 
 all shaven and shorn, 
 All cover'd with Orders — 
 
 and all forlorn; 
 THE DANDY OF SIXTY, 
 
 who bows with a grace, 
 And has taste in wigs, collars, 
 
 cuirasses, and lace : 
 Who, to tricksters and fools, 
 
 leaves the state and its treasure, 
 And, when Britain's in tears, 
 
 sails about at his pleasure : 
 Who spurn'd from his presence 
 
 the Friends of his youth, 
 And now has not one 
 
 who will tell him the truth ; 
 Who took to his counsels, in evil hour. 
 The Friends to the Reasons of lawless Power, 
 That back the Public Informer, who 
 Would put down the Thing, that, in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, that Jack built. 
 
THE DOCTOR. 
 
 At his last gasp — as if with opium drngg'd." 
 
 DERRY-DOAVN TRIANGLE. 
 
 He that sold his country." 
 
 THE SPOUTER OF FROTH. 
 
 ' With merry descants on a natioD's woes — 
 There is a public mischief in his mirtli." 
 
 THE GUILTY TRIO. 
 
 Great skill have they in palmutry, and more 
 To conjure clean away the gold they touch, 
 Conveying worthless dross into its place ; 
 Loud when they beg, dtmb only when they steal. 
 
 — Dream after dream ensues ! 
 
 And still they dream, that they shall still succeed. 
 And still are disappoiuted." 
 
 This is THE DOCTOR 
 
 of Circular fame, 
 A Driv'ller, a Bigot, a Knave 
 without shame: 
 
And thafs DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE 
 
 by name, 
 From the Land of mis-rule, 
 
 and half-hanging, and flame : 
 And //m^ is THE SPOUTER OF FROTH 
 
 BY THE HOUR, 
 The worthless colleague 
 
 of their infamous power : 
 Who dubb'd him ' the Doctor' 
 
 whom now he calls * brother,' 
 And, to get at his Place, 
 
 took a shot at the other ; 
 Who haunts their Bad House, 
 
 a base living to earn, 
 By playing Jack-pudding, and Ruffian, 
 
 in turn ; 
 Who bullies, for those 
 
 whom he bullied before ; 
 Their Flash-mm\ their Bravo, 
 
 a son of a ; 
 
 The hate of the People, 
 
 all tatter'd and torn, 
 Who curse the day 
 
 wherein they were born, 
 On account of Taxation 
 
 too great to be borne. 
 And pray for relief 
 
 from night to morn ; 
 
Who, in vain, petition 
 
 in every form : 
 Who peaceably Meeting 
 
 to ask for Reform, 
 Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry, 
 
 who 
 Were thank'd by THE MAN, 
 
 all shaven and shorn, 
 All cover d with Orders — 
 
 and all forlorn ; 
 THE DANDY OF SIXTY, 
 
 who bows with a grace. 
 And has taste in wigs, collars, 
 
 cuirasses and lace : 
 Who to tricksters and fools, 
 
 leaves the State and its treasure, 
 And, when Britain 's in tears, 
 
 sails about at his pleasure : 
 Who spurn'd from his presence 
 
 the Friends of his youth. 
 And now has not one 
 
 who will tell him the truth ; 
 Who took to his counsels, in evil hour. 
 The Friends to the Reasons of lawless Power ; 
 That back the Public Informer, who 
 Would put down the Thing, that, inspiteof new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it, by Soldiers or Tax, 
 Will poison the Vermin, that plunder the Wealth 
 That lay in the House, that Jack built. 
 
" Burghers, men immaculate perhaps 
 
 In all their private functions, once combin'd, 
 Become a lostthsome body, only fit 
 For dissolution 
 
 Power usurp'd 
 
 Is weakness when oppos'd ; conscious of wrong, 
 Tis pusillanimous and prone to fiiglit. 
 
 I could endure 
 
 Chains nowhere patiently; and chains at home, 
 Where I am free by birthright, not at all." 
 
 This WORD is the Watchword — 
 the talisman word, 
 
 That the WATERLOO-MAN'S to crush 
 with his sword; 
 
But, if shielded by Norfolk 
 
 and Bedford's alliance, 
 It will set both his sword, 
 
 and him at defiance ; 
 If FiTzwiLLiAM, and Grosvenor, and 
 
 Albemarle aid it, 
 And assist its best Champions, 
 
 who then dare invade it ? 
 'Tis the terrible WORD OF FEAR, 
 
 night and morn. 
 To the Guilty Trio, 
 
 all cover'd with scorn; 
 First, to the Doctor, 
 
 of Circular fame, 
 A Driv'Uer, a Bigot, a Knave 
 
 without shame : 
 And next, Derry Down Triangle 
 
 by name. 
 From the Land of Mis-rule, 
 
 and Half-hanging, and Flame: 
 And then, to the Spouter of Froth 
 
 by the hour, 
 The worthless colleague 
 
 of their infamous power ; 
 Who dubb'd him 'the Doctor,' 
 
 whom now he calls ' brother', 
 And to get at his Place, 
 
 took a shot at the other ; 
 
Who haunts their Bad House, 
 
 a base living to earn, 
 By playing Jack-Pudding, and Ruffian, 
 
 in turn ; 
 Who bullies for those, 
 
 whom he bullied before ; 
 Their i^/a^/i-man, their Bravo, 
 
 a son of a ; 
 
 The hate of the People, 
 
 all tatter'd and torn. 
 Who curse the day 
 
 wherein they were born 
 On account of Taxation 
 
 too great to be borne, 
 And pray for relief, 
 
 from night to morn ; 
 Who, in vain. Petition 
 
 in every form. 
 Who peaceably Meeting, 
 
 to ask for Reform, 
 Were sabred by Yeomanry Cavalry, 
 
 who. 
 Were thank'd by THE MAN, 
 
 all shaven and shorn, 
 All cover'd with Orders — 
 
 and all forlorn ; 
 THE DANDY OF SIXTY, 
 
 who bows with a grace, 
 
And has taste in wigs, collars, 
 
 cuirasses and lace ; 
 Who, to tricksters and fools, 
 
 leaves the State and its treasure. 
 And, when Britain's in tears, 
 
 sails about at his pleasure ; 
 Who spurn'd from his presence 
 
 the Friends of his youth. 
 And now has not one 
 
 who will tell him the Truth ; 
 Who took to his counsels, 
 
 in evil hour. 
 The friends to the Reasons 
 
 of lawless Power; 
 That back the Public Informer, 
 
 who 
 Would put down the Thing 
 
 that, in spite of new Acts, 
 And attempts to restrain it 
 
 by Soldiers or Tax, 
 W\\[ poison the Vermin, 
 That plunder the Wealth, 
 That lay in the House, 
 That Jack built. 
 
 END OF THE HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
THE CLERICAL MAGISTRATE. 
 
 The Bishop. Will yon be diligent in Prayers — laying aside the study of the 
 
 world and the flesh? Priest. I will. 
 
 The Bishop. Will you maintain and set forwards, as much as lieth in yon, 
 
 quietness, peace, and love, among all Christian people ? Priest. I will. 
 
 ^ The Bishop laying his hand upon the head of him that receiveth the order of 
 
 Priesthood, shall say, » RECEIVE THE HOLY GHOST." 
 
 The Form of Ordination for a Priat. 
 
 " Tlie pulpit (in the sober use 
 
 Of its legitimate peculiar pow'rs) 
 
 Must stand acknowledg'd, while the world shall stand. 
 The most important and effectual guard. 
 Support, and ornament of virtue's cause. 
 • • • • 
 
 Behold the picture ! Is It like?" 
 
 THIS IS A PRIEST, 
 
 made 'according to Law,' 
 
Who, on being ordain'd, vow'd, by rote, like a daw. 
 That he felt himself call'd, by the Holy Spirit, 
 To teach men the Kingdom of Heaven to merit ; 
 That, to think of the World and the flesh he'd cease, 
 And keep men in quietness, love, and peace; 
 And, making thus his profession and boast, 
 Receiv'd, from the Bishop, the Holy Ghost : 
 Then — not having the fear of God before him — 
 Is sworn in a Justice, and one of the Quorum; 
 'Gainst his spiritual Oath, puts his Oath of the Bench, 
 And, instead of his Bible, examines a wench ; 
 Gets Chairman of Sessions — leaves his flock, sick 
 
 or dying. 
 To license Ale-houses — and assist in the trying 
 Of prostitutes, poachers, pickpockets, and thieves; — 
 Having charged the Grand Jury, dines with them, 
 
 and gives 
 " Church and King without day-light ;" ^ei^ fresh, 
 
 and puts in — 
 To the stocks vulgar people, who fuddle with gin : 
 Stage-coachmen, and toll-men, convicts as he pleases ; 
 And beggars and paupers incessantly teazes : 
 Commits starving vagrants, and orders Distress 
 On the Poor, for their Rates — signs warrants to press. 
 And beats up for names to a Loyal Address : 
 Would indict, for Rebellion, those who Petition : 
 And, all who look peaceable, try for Sedition ; 
 
If the People were legally Meeting, in quiet, 
 Would pronounce it decidedly — sec. Stat. — a Riot, 
 And order the Soldiers ' to aid and assist,* 
 That is — kill the helpless, who cannot resist. 
 
 He, though vowing 'from all worldly studies to 
 cease,' 
 
 Breaks thePeaceoftheChurch, to be Justice of Peace; 
 Breaks his vows made to Heaven : apanderforpower ; 
 A Perjurer— a guide to the People no more; 
 On God turns his back, 
 
 when he turns the State's Agent ; 
 And damns his own Soul, 
 
 to be friends with the . 
 
 Tis Liberty alone, that gives the flow'r 
 Of fleeting life its lustre and perfume 
 And we are weeds without it." 
 
 Printed by W. Hone, 
 45, Ludgate Hill. ' 
 
THE AUTHOR OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK 
 BUILT, perceiving tlic nniltitude of attempts at imitation and imposture, 
 occasioned by the unparalleled sale of that Jeu d'Esprit, injustice to tlie Pub- 
 lic and to himself, respectfully states, that, induced by nearly forty years con- 
 tidential intimacy with Mr. HONE, and by the warmest friendship and affec- 
 tion for him and iiis Fansily, he originally selected him as bis Publisher ex- 
 clnsivetij; that he has not sutFered, nor will he suff'er, a line of his writing to 
 pass into the hands of any other Bookseller ; and that his last, and, owing to 
 imperative claims upon his pen of a liisiher order, possibly his very last pro- 
 duction, in that way, will be found in THE MAN IN THE MOON. 
 
 %• THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, was entered at 
 Stationers' Hall, and Copies were duly delivered, according to Act of Parlia- 
 ment ; one being for the British Museum ; yet it is held in such estimation by 
 all ranks, from the mansion to the cottage, including men of high classical and 
 literary attainment, that it is coveted by eminent and learned bodies for the 
 purpose of being preserved and deposited in the other National Libraries, as ap- 
 pears by the following notice. 
 
 (COPT.) London, Jan. 26, 1820. 
 
 SIR— I am authorised and requested to demand of you nine copies of the under- 
 menUoufd W..rk.-TUE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT-for the use of Uie 
 foUowiiis Libraries and Universities :— Bodleiau; Cambridge; Sion College; Edinburgh; Ad- 
 vocates' Library, Edinburgh, Glasgow; Aberdeen; St. Andrew's; Triuiiy College, and the 
 King's Inns, Dublin. 1 am, Sir, your obedient servant, 
 
 GEORGE GREENHILL. 
 ■Warehouse-keeper to the Company of Stationers. 
 To Mr. WM. HONE, Ludgate-hill. 
 
 This " authorized" and official " demand" on behalf of the Universities and Public Libra- 
 ries, was immediately complied with; and to save those distinguished bodies the trouble of a 
 similar application for "THE MAN IN THE MOON," copies of that work were also sent 
 with the copies of the Political House that Jack Built, so demanded "for their use." 
 
 tif A SUPERIOR EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT 
 JACK BUILT, is now published, printed on fine Vellum Drawing Paper, icith 
 the Cuts handsuniehj COLOURED, Price 35.— The same Edition plain. Price iis. 
 
 TWENTY eTgHTH EDITION. 
 
 Dedicated to the Right Hon. George Canning, price Is. 
 
 THE INIAN IN THE MOON ; a Speech from the Throne to 
 the Senate of Lunataria. — Also a Political Christmas Carol, set to Music ; 
 and " The Doctor," a Parody, written by the Rt. Hon. George Canning, in 
 ridicule of the Rt. Hon. Lord Sidmouth. With Fifteen Ctds, viz. : — The Mau 
 in the Moon — Going down — Carried down — The Grinder's Arms — Johnny 
 Mooncalf —Steel Lozenges — Holy Alliance— Chaining the Press — Pulling the 
 Trigger— Puffing— Put out the Light— Carol Music— Rats caught alive— The 
 Doctor besquibbed— The Fraternal Embrace. 
 
 " If Cassar can hide the Sun with a blanket^ or put the Moon in his pocket, we will pay 
 l»im tribute for ]i<zhl."—Cymbeli»e. 
 
 Printed for WILLIAM HONE, Ludgate-hill ; and sold by all Booksellers in 
 town and country. Orders, with remittances, punctually executed. 
 
 Withdrawn from the Press. 
 
 A LETTER TO THE SOLICITOR GENERAL. 
 By WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 •«• Since the announcement of this Publication, the attack of the Solicitor-General upon 
 the Juries of my Country has drawn down upon that Gentleman, within the walls of Par- 
 liament, such deserved animadversion as to render superfluous any interference on my part. 
 
 Two years have elapsed since I broke away from the toils ; and it seems the escape of the 
 destined victim is never to be forgiven ! The cause of which the Solicitor-General is unex- 
 pectedly the gratuitous advocate, has taken appropriate refuge in the snug precincts of Gatton. 
 There let it wither ! 
 
 The verdicts of my Juries require no other vindication than a faithful recital of the 
 grounds on which they were founded. From the period at which those verdicts were pro- 
 nounced, and with a view to that vindication, I have been unremittingly employed in the col- 
 lection and arrangement of rare and curious materials which the Solicitor-General's attack will 
 induce me to extend to 
 
 A COMPLETE HISTORY OF PARODY. 
 
 This History I purpose to bring out, very speedily, vith extensive graphic illustrations, 
 and 1 flatter myself it will answer the various purposes of satisfying the expectations of my nu- 
 merous and respectable subscribers— of justifying my own motives in publishing the Parodies — 
 of throwing a strong liglit upon the presumable motives of my prosecutors in singling me out 
 from my Noble and Kight Honorable Fellow Parodists— of holding up Trial by Jury to the en- 
 creased love aud veneration of the British People — and above all, of making every calumny 
 upon the verdicts of three successive, honorable, and intelligent Juries recoil upon the slanderer^ 
 be he who he mav, that dares to asperse them. 
 
 Ludgate-hill, March, i8«0. W. HONE. 
 
THE 
 
 MAN IN THE MOON, 
 
 &c. &c. &c. 
 
 " If Csesar can bide the Snn with a blanket, or put the Moon in liis pocket, we 
 will pay him tribute for light." — Cymheline. 
 
 WITH FIFTEEN CUTS. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, 
 
 45, LUDGATE-HILL. 
 
 1820. 
 
 ONE SHILLING. 
 
" Is there not 
 
 Some bidden thunder in the stores of heaveu, 
 Red with uncommon wrath, to blast the men 
 Who owe their greatness to their country's ruin?" 
 
2:)eTiicateti 
 
 RIGHT HON. GEORGE CANNING, 
 
 AUTHOR OF PARODIES ON SCRIPTURE, TO RIDICULE 
 
 HIS POLITICAL OPPONENTS; AND COLLEAGUE 
 
 WITH THE PROSECUTORS OF 
 
 POLITICAL PARODY: 
 
 WHO, 
 
 AFTER LAMPOONING LORD SIDMOUTH, AND HOLDING HIM UP TO 
 
 THE SCORN AND CONTEMPT -OF ALL ENGLAND, AS A CHARLATAN 
 
 AND " PRIME DOCTOR TO THE COUNTRY," NOW TAKES 
 
 A SUBORDINATE PART UNDER HIM AS 
 
 A " prime'' minister : 
 
 WHO, 
 
 afteu DENOUNCING LORD CASTLEREAGH's incapacity for 
 
 inferior OFFICE, AND CONFIRMING THAT DENUNCIATION BY HIS 
 
 PISTOLS, ACCEPTED INFERIOR OFFICE HIMSELF UNDER THE 
 
 CONTROL OF THAT VHKY LoRD CasTLEREAGH ; AND 
 
 SEEKS TO PROLONG HIS POLITICAL EXISTENCE 
 
 BY THE FAWNING BLANDISHMENT OF " MY 
 
 NOBLE FRIEND," ALTHOUGH THAT 
 
 " NOBLE FRIEND" HAS NOT BEEN 
 
 ObSERVED TO ENCOURAGE 
 
 THE EMBARRASSING ENDEARMENT, 
 
 BY RETURNING IT : 
 
 THUS, 
 
 BY HIS PARODIES, 
 
 HIS PISTOLS AND HIS WITS, 
 
 FIGHTING AND WRITING HIS WAY 
 
 TO PLACE AND PROFIT UNDER MINISTERS, 
 
 WHOM THE DERISION OF HIS PEN 
 
 HAS DRIVEN TO THE MISERY 
 
 OF HIS ALLIANCE. 
 
THE 
 
 MAN IN THE MOON, 
 
 A SPEECH FROM THE THRONE, 
 TO THE SENATE OF LUNATARIA 
 
 3fn tl)e iHoou. 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 I LATELY dream'd tbat, in a huge balloon, 
 All silk and gold, I journey'd to the Moon, 
 "Where the same objects seem'd to meet my eyes 
 That I had lately left below the skies ; 
 
And judge of iiiy astonishment, on seeing 
 All things exactly, to a hair, agreeing: 
 The mountains, rivers, cities, trees, and towers. 
 On Cynthia's silver surface, seem'd like ours ; 
 Men, women, children, language, dress, and faces, 
 Lords, Commons, Lackies, Pensioners, and Places, 
 Whigs, Tories, Lawyers, Priests, and men of blood, 
 And even Radicals — by all that's good ! 
 
 In a long street, just such as London's Strand is, 
 'Midst Belles and Beggars, Pickpockets and Dandies, 
 Onward I went, between a brazen horse, 
 And a large Inn which bore a Golden Cross, 
 Then through a passage, narrow, long and dark, 
 That brought my footsteps to a spacious park. 
 
 It chanc'd that morning that the Sovereign Dey, 
 The Prince of Lunataria pass'd that way — 
 Gods! what a sight! what countless crouds were there. 
 What yells, and groans, and hootings, rent the air ! 
 By which, I learn'd, the Lunatarian nation 
 Are wont to testify their admiration ; 
 We don't do so on earth — but that's no matter — 
 The Dey went onward, midst a hideous clatter 
 To meet the Senators ; for 'twas appointed. 
 That, on that morning. He — the Lord's anointed — 
 Should make a grand Oration from the throne, 
 That his most royal pleasure might be known 
 
Respecting certain great affairs of State : — 
 
 I heard the speech ; Oh ! could the muse relate 
 
 The " elegance^' the sweet " distinctiveness" 
 
 With which his Royal Deyship did address 
 
 That reverend body of Moonarian sages, 
 
 I'd write a book that should endure for ages. 
 
 Alas ! such heights are not for me to reach ; 
 
 I'll therefore, from my note-book, take the Speech, 
 
 And you must say, as 'tis by Pope exprest, 
 
 " Give all thou canst, and we will dream the rest!' 
 
 
THE SPEECH. 
 
 MY L—rds and G—tl—n, 
 I grieve to say, 
 
 That poor old Dad, 
 
 Is just as — bad, 
 As when I met you here 
 
 the other day. 
 
'Tis pity that these cursed State Afiairs 
 
 Should take you from your pheasants and your hares 
 
 Just now : 
 
 But lo! 
 Conspiracy and Treason are abroad ! 
 Those imps of darkness, gender'd in the wombs 
 Of spinning-jennies, winding-wheels, and looms, 
 
 In Lunashire — 
 
 Oh, Lord! 
 My L — ds and G — tl — n, we've much to fear ! 
 
 Reform, Reform, the swinish rabble cry — 
 Meaning, of course, rebellion, blood, and riot — 
 Audacious rascals ! you, my Lords, and I, 
 Know 'tis their duty to be starved in quiet: 
 But they have grumbling habits, incompatible 
 With the repose of our august community — 
 They see that good things are with us come-at-ible. 
 And therefore slyly watch their opportunity 
 
 To get a share ; 
 
 Yes, they declare 
 That we are not God's favorites alone — 
 That thei/ have rights to food, and clothes, and air, 
 As well as you, the Brilliants of a throne ! 
 Oh ! indications foul of revolution — 
 The villains would destroy the Constitution ! 
 
I've given orders for a lot of Letters, 
 From these seditious, scribbling, scoundrels' betters, 
 JV— d— n and N— rr— s, F— ch— r, W— t and H— y, 
 * To lie, for your instruction,' 
 Upon the table ; 
 From which said premises you'll soon be able 
 
 To make a fair deduction, 
 That some decisive measures must be taken. 
 Without delay. 
 To quell the Radicals, 
 
 and save our bacon. 
 
 And now, my faithful C — m— ns. 
 
 You must find 
 
 The means to raise the wind : 
 For Derry Down, and Sid, have thought it wise, 
 To have — besides the Spies — 
 A few more Cut-throats, to protect the rhino 
 Of loyal people,— such as you and I know. 
 
 Van's estimates will come before you straight ; 
 And, 1 foresee 
 That your opinions will with mine agree. 
 No lighter weight 
 Can well be placed on 
 
JOHNNY MOON CALF'S back, 
 Who is, you know, 
 
 a very willing hack. 
 The revenue has fluctuated 
 slightly — 
 See the Courier — 
 But it's been found to be 
 
 improving nightly — 
 For two weeks past, — 
 
 therefore we've nought to fear. 
 Some branches of our trade 
 are still deprest, 
 And those dependant on them 
 wanting food, 
 
But that's a sort of 
 
 temporary evil — 
 'Twill wear away : 
 
 perhaps 'tis for the best 
 At all events, 'twill do 
 
 no good 
 To let the starving wretches 
 
 be uncivil. 
 
 Five years ago, you know, 
 
 our sad condition 
 Was partly owing to 
 
 * the quick transition 
 From war to peace' — then, 
 
 we had ' scanty crops' — 
 Then, something else — and now — 
 
 our weavers' shops 
 Are full of Radicals^ 
 
 and Flags f and Caps; 
 But ' temporary ' still 
 
 are these mishaps — 
 The * quick transition's' gone, 
 
 the * crops' are good, 
 And though the Radicals 
 
 may still want food, 
 A few 
 
STEEL LOZENGES 
 
 will stop their pain, 
 And set the Constitution 
 right again. 
 
 My L— ds and G— tl— n, 
 
 The foreign powers 
 Write me word frequently 
 
 that they are ours, 
 Most truly and sincerely, 
 in compliance 
 With our most 
 
HOLY COMPACT AND ALLIANCE, 
 
 The purposes of which 
 
 1 need not mention — 
 
 You that have brains can guess 
 at the intention. 
 
 Tis my most anxious wish, 
 
 now we're at peace, 
 That all internal discontents 
 
 should cease — 
 T' accomplish which 
 
 I see no better way 
 Than putting one-eyed pensioners 
 
 on full pay. 
 
* The body of the people, I do think, 
 
 are loyal still,' 
 But pray. My L— ds and G — tl — n, 
 
 don't shrink 
 From exercising all your care 
 
 and skill, 
 Here, and at home, 
 
 TO CHECK THE CIRCULATION 
 
 OF LITTLE BOOKS, 
 
 Whose very looks — 
 Vile ' two-pnny trashy' 
 
 bespeak abomination. 
 Oh ! they are full of blasphemies 
 
 and libels, 
 And people read them 
 
 oftener than their bibles. 
 
Go H— df— t, Y~rm— th, C— le— gh, and C— nu—g 
 
 Go, and be planning. 
 Within your virtuous minds, what best will answer 
 To save our morals from this public cancer ; 
 Go and impress, my friends, upon all classes, 
 From sleek-fac'd Swindlers down to half-starv'd Asses, 
 ' That, from religious principles alone,' 
 (JDont he such d — d fools as to blab your own) 
 Temperance, chasteness, conjugal attention — 
 With other virtues that I need not mention — 
 And from subordination, and respect, 
 To every knave in robes of office deck'd — 
 * Can they expect to gain divine protection' 
 And save their sinful bodies from dissection ! 
 
 -^S^^TyT^^ 
 
His Highness ceased — 
 
 The dissonance of Babel 
 Rose from the motley 
 
 Moonitarian rabble: 
 The yell of loyalty — 
 
 the dungeon groan — 
 The shriek of woe — 
 
 the starving infant's moan- 
 The brazen trumpets' note — 
 
 the din of war — 
 The shouts of freemen 
 
 rising from afar — 
 Darted in horrid discord 
 
 through my brain: — 
 I woke, and found myself 
 
 on Earth again. 
 
A POLITICAL 
 
 CHRISTMAS CAROL, 
 
 TO BE CHAUNTED OR SUNG 
 
 THROUGHOUT THE UNITED KINGDOM AND THE 
 
 DOMINIONS BEYOND THE SEAS, 
 
 BY ALL PERSONS 
 
 THEREUNTO ESPECIALLY MOVED. 
 
 " Go draw your quills, and draw six Billg, 
 " Put out yon blaze of light." — 
 
 Carol. 
 
 D 
 
THE CAROL. 
 
 To be Sung exactly as set. 
 
 -/^ 
 
 m 
 
 ±=^ 
 
 J ih-^ 
 
 P 
 
 God rest you mer - ry Gen - tie - men, let no - thing you dis- 
 
 :fa ^-^ 
 
 1 — r 
 
 i^Jg^- f- 
 
 ^^ 
 
 FT 
 
 =¥=n 
 
 ^^ 
 
 ^ 
 
 may; Re - mem - ber we were left a • live up - on last Christ-i 
 
 ^ 
 
 f=f^ 
 
 t=M: 
 
 turn 
 
 t2 
 
 I I - I 
 
 1 , «_ 
 
 li - ber - ty to praise lord 
 
 day. With both our lips at 
 
 ^m 
 
 S=fir=r= 
 
 Vi 
 
 Bt^ 
 
 -h. For his 
 
 prac-li - cal com - fort and 
 
 ~ *•» • . I ^ 
 
 i I I 
 
 lt± 
 
 ^ 
 
 ^ J > ^ I J 
 
 l'^ 8 
 
 joy, And joy : For his 
 
 prac - ti-cal com ■ fort and joy! 
 
 He ' turii'd his back upon himself 
 And straight to ' Lunnun' came, 
 
 To two two-sided Lawyers 
 With tidings of the same, 
 
 That our own land must ' prostrate stand' 
 Unless we praise his name — 
 
 For his * practical' comfort and joy! 
 
 " Go fear not," said his L p 
 
 " Let nothing you affright ; 
 " Go draw your quills, and draw six JBillSy 
 
 " Put out yon blaze of light : 
 *' I'm able to advance you, 
 
 " Go stamp it out then quite — 
 
 " And give me some * features' of joy!" 
 
The Lawyers at those tidings 
 
 Rejoiced much iii mindj 
 And left their friends a-staring 
 
 To go and raise the wind, 
 And straight went to the Taxing-men 
 
 And said " the Bills come find — 
 
 " For ' fundamental' comfort and joy '/' 
 
 The Lawyers found majorities 
 
 To do as they did say, 
 They found them at their mangers 
 
 Like oxen at their hay, 
 Some lying, and some kneeling down, 
 
 All to L d C h 
 
 For his ' practical' comfort and joy ! 
 
 With sudden joy and gladness 
 
 Rat G — ff — d was beguiled, 
 They each sat at his L p's side, 
 
 He patted them and smiled ; 
 Yet C — pi — y, on his nether end, 
 
 Sat like a new born Child, — 
 
 But without either comfort or joy ! 
 
 He thought upon his Father, 
 
 His virtues and his fame. 
 And how that father hoped from him 
 
 For glory to his name. 
 And as his chin dropp'd on his breast. 
 
 His pale cheeks burn'd with shame : — 
 He'll never more know comfort or joy ! 
 
Lord C li doth rule yon House, 
 
 And all who there do reign : 
 
 They've let us live this Christmas time — 
 D'ye think they will again ? 
 
 They say they are our masters — 
 That's neither here, nor there: 
 
 God send us all a happy new year ! 
 
 End of the Carol. 
 
THE DOCTOR." 
 
 " His name's the Doctor." 
 
 A PARODY WRITTEN BY THE RIGHT HONORABLE 
 
 GEORGE CANNING, M. P. 
 
 Lord FOLKESTONE confessed that there had been a smile on his countenance at one part 
 of the right lionorable gentleman (Mr. CANNING)'s speech, and it seemed to him very ex. 
 traordinary, even after tl>e reconciliation that had taken place, to hear the right honorable 
 gentleman stand up for the talents of that poor "Doctor" (Lord SIDMOUTH), who has so long 
 been the butt of his most bitter and unsparing ridicule (loud laughter and shouts of hear, 
 hear). Whether in poetry or prose, the great object of his derision, and that for want of ability 
 and sense, was the noble lord whom he (Mr. CAKNING) had so strenuously defended that night; 
 and now forsooth, he wondered that auy person could object to confide unlimited power in the 
 iiaods of a person, according to his own former opinions, so likely to be duped and misled 
 (hear, hear). Yes, the house would remember the lines in which, at different times, the right 
 honorable gentleman (Mr. CANNING), had been pleased to panegyrize his (Mr. CANNING's) 
 nahXe friend (Lord SIDMOUTH) of which the following were not the worst:— 
 " I showed myself jsn/rae Doctor to the country; 
 My ends attain'd, my only aim has been 
 To keep my place, and gild my humble name." — 
 
 (A loud laugh) 
 Yes, this was the view the right honorable gentleman had once drawn of his noble friend, who 
 was then described by him thus: — 
 
 " Wy name's the Doctor; on the Berkshire hills," &c. 
 
 \_See the Parody below for the remainder of Lord Folkestone's 
 Quotation— For his Lordship's Speech, see Evans's Debates, 1817, p. J568.] 
 
 Ml/ name's THE DOCTOR; on the Berkshire hills 
 Ml/ father purged his patients — a wise man, 
 Whose constant care was to increase his store, 
 And keep his eldest son — myself —at home. 
 But I had heard of Politics, and long'd 
 To sit within the Commons' House, and get 
 A place, and luck gave what my sire denied. 
 
Some tliirteen years ago, or ere my fingers 
 Had learn'd to mix a potion, or to bleed, 
 IJlatterd Pitt: I cring'd, and sneak" d, and fawn d^ 
 And thus became the Speaker. I alone, 
 With pompous gait, and peruke full of wisdom, 
 Th' unruly members could control, or call 
 The House to order. 
 
 Tir'd of the Chair, I sought a bolder flight, 
 And, grasping at his power, I struck my friend, 
 Who held that place which now I've made my own. 
 Proud of my triumph, I disdain'd to court 
 The patron hand which fed me — or to seem 
 Grateful to him who rais'd me into notice. 
 And, when the King had call'd his Parliament 
 To meet him here conven'd in Westminster, 
 With all my fam'ly crowding at my heels. 
 My brothers, cousins, followers and my son, 
 I show'd myself Prime Doctor to the country. 
 
 My ends attain d my only aim has been 
 To keep my place — and gild my humhle name! 
 
 " Brother, brother, we are both in the wrong !" — Peach'etn and Loekit, 
 
 End of '' The Doctor.' 
 
TO THE READER. 
 
 THE AUTHOR OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT, 
 
 perceiving the multitude of attempts at Imitation and Imposture, occasioned by the 
 unparalleled sale of that Jeu d^ Esprit, injustice to the public and to himself, respect- 
 fully states, that, induced by nearly forty years of the most confidential intimacy with 
 Mr. HONE, and by the warmest friendship and affection for him and his family, he 
 originally selected him for his publisJier exclusively ; that he has not suffered, nor will 
 he suffer, a line of his writing to pass into the hands of any other Bookseller; and that 
 his last, and owing to imperative claims upon his pen of a higher order, possibly his very 
 last production in that way, will be found in The MAN IN THE MOON. 
 
 mlt ejrtraorOmarp* 
 
 FREEHOLD PUBLIC HOUSES; 
 
 Divided into Lots for tlie convenieuce of Purcliaser:?. 
 
 TO BE SOLD by Mr. HONE, at his House, No. 45, Liidgate Hill, THIS DAY, 
 and following days until entirely disposed of, 
 
 AN EXTENSIVE UNENCUMBERED FREEHOLD PROPERTY, in 
 separate Lots. Each comprising a Capital well-accnstomed bustling Free Public 
 House, most desirably situated, being thoroughly established in the very heart of 
 England, and called by the Name or Sign of " The House that Jack Built." 
 Served Forty Thousand Customers in the course of Six Weeks. DravFs the 
 Choicest Spirits, and is not in the mixing or whine way. 
 
 The Feathers and Wellington Arms combining to injure this property by 
 setting up Houses of III Fame, under tbe same sign, the Public are cautioned 
 against them ; they are easily known from the original House by their Customers 
 being few in number, and of a description better understood than expressed. 
 
 The present is an undeniable opportunity to persons wishing to improve their 
 affairs, or desirous of entering into the public line ; there being no Fixtures and 
 the Coming-in easy 
 
 Immediate possession will be given in consideration of One Shilling of good 
 and lawful money of the Realm, paid to any of the Booksellers of the United 
 Kingdom. 
 
 *:/.* May be viewed ; and Particulars had as above. 
 
UNIVERSITY LITERATURE.— With Thirteen Cuts, price is. 
 
 THE FORTY-EIGHTH EDITION OF THE POLITICAL 
 HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
 %* This Publication was entered at Stationers' Hall, and Copies were duly 
 delivered, accordiiij.' to Act of Parliament, one beinj; for the British Museum; 
 yet it is held in such estimation by all ranks, from the mansion to the cottage, 
 including men of hif;h classical and literary attainment, that it is coveted by 
 eminent and learned bodies for the purpose of being preserved and deposited in 
 the other National Libraries, as appears by the foUovring notice: — 
 
 (COPY.) London, Jan. 26, 1820. 
 
 Sir — I am authorised and requested to demand of you nine copies of the un- 
 dermentioned Work — The Political House that Jack Built — for the use 
 of the following Libraries and Universities : — Bodleian ; Cambridge ; Sion Col- 
 lege ; Edinburgh; Advocates' Library, Edinburgh; Glasgow; Aberdeen; 
 St. Andrew's; Trinity College, and the King's Inns, Dublin. 
 
 I am. Sir, your obedient servant, 
 
 GEORGE GREENHILL, 
 Warehouse-keeper to the Company of Stationers. 
 To Mr. WM. HONE, Ludgate-hill. 
 
 This " authorized" and official " demand" on behalf of the Universities and 
 Public Libraries, was immediately complied with ; and to save those distin- 
 guished bodies the trouble of a similar application for " THE MAN IN THE 
 MOON," copies of that work were also sent with the copies of the Political 
 House that Jack Built, so demanded " for their use." 
 
 Ut A SUPERIOR EDITION OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT 
 JACK BUILT, is now published, printed on fine Vellum Drawing Paper, with the 
 Cuts handsomeltj COLOURED, Price 3s. — The same Edition plain, Price 2s. 
 
 Withdrawn from the Press, 
 
 A LETTER TO THE SOLICITOR GENERAL. 
 By WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 *:f.* Since the announcement of this Publication, the attack of the Solicitor- 
 General upon the Juries of my Country has drawn down upon that Gentleman, 
 within the walls of Parliament, such deserved animadversion as to render super- 
 fluous any interference on my part. 
 
 Two years hare elapsed since I broke away from the toils ; and it seems the 
 escape of the destined victim is never to be forgiven ! The cause of which th« 
 Solicitor-General is unexpectedly the gratuitous advocate, has taken appropriate 
 refuge in the snug precincts of Gatton. There let it wither! 
 
 The verdicts of my Juries require no other vindication than a faithful recital 
 of the grounds on which they were founded. From the period at which those 
 verdicts were pronounced, and with a view to that vindication, I have been un- 
 remittingly employed in the collection and arrangement of rare and curious 
 materials which the Solicitor-General's attack will induce me to extend to 
 
 A COMPLETE HISTORY OF PARODY. 
 
 This History I purpose to bring out, very speedily, with extensive graphic illus- 
 trations, and I flatter myself it will answer the various purposes of satisfying the 
 expectations of my numerous and respectable subscribers — of justifying my own 
 motives in publishing the Parodies — of throwing a strong light upon the pre- 
 sumable motives of my prosecutors in singling me out from my Noble and Right 
 Honorable Fellow Parodists — of holding up Trial by Jury to the increased love 
 and veneration of the British People — and above all, of making every calumny 
 upon the verdicts of three successive, honorable, and intelligent Juries recoil upon 
 the slanderer, be he who he may, that dares to asperse them. W. HONE. 
 
 Ludgate-Hill, March, 1820. 
 
 Printed by W. Hone, 
 45, Lud§ate-Hill. 
 
THE QUEEN'S 
 
 9i ji5ational Cop, 
 
 WITH FOURTEEN STEP SCENES; 
 
 AND 
 
 ILLUSTI^\T10NS IN VERSE, 
 
 WITH EIGHTEEN OTHER CUTS. 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF - THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT 
 JACK BUILT." 
 
 TliP question is not merely whether the Queen shall havfi her rights, but whether the ri-hts 
 of any iE(livi.1unl in the kingdom siiall be free from violation." 
 
 Her Majci(j/s An<yi-a- to the Norunch idrirest. 
 
 " Here is a Gentlemnn, and a friend of mine!" 
 
 M-a'.iir- for Mea^nre. 
 
 jTortp=fout:t!) eoitton- 
 
 LONDON : 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HOXE, LUDG ATE-FtlLL. 
 
 1820. 
 
 This Pamphlet and the Toy tcethcf , 
 ONE SHILI-INO. 
 
* It is a wouderfijl thing to consider the strengtli of Princes' wills wlien 
 they are bent to have their Pleasure fultilled, wherein no reasonable persuasions 
 will serve their turn : how little do they regard tlip dangerous sequels, that 
 may ensue as well to themselves as to their Subjects. And anion<;st all thingk 
 there is nothing that makes them more wilful than Carnal I.nve, and various 
 affecting of voluptuous desires." 
 
 Cavendinh's Memoirs of Card, /f'oisey. 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 All the Drawings for this Publication are 
 By Mr. GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. 
 
^^ -' ■ 
 
 
 r,ive not thy strength udIo womeu, nor thy ways t^ that «hich Hrstroyeth kings. 
 
 So'omon. 
 
 QUALIFICATION 
 
 Iq love, and in drink, and o'crtoppled by debt; 
 With women, with wine, and with duns on the fret. 
 
Penury incuir'J 
 By endless riot, vanity , the lust 
 
 Of piciisuie and variety ! — . 
 
 Ministeiial grace 
 
 Deals him out money from the public chest. 
 
 Cooper. 
 
 DECLARATION. 
 
 The Prodigal Son, by his perils surrounded, 
 Vex'd, harass'd, bewilderd, asham'd, and con- 
 founded, 
 Fled for help to his Father, 
 
 confessed his ill doing, 
 And begged for salvation 
 
 from stark staring ruin ; 
 The sire urged — " The People 
 
 your debts have twice paid, 
 " And, to ask a third time, 
 
 even Pitt is afraid ; 
 " But he shall if you'll marry, and lead a new life, — 
 " You've a cousin in Germany — make her your 
 wife!" 
 
Lured from her own, her native home, 
 
 Tlic home of early lift, 
 Aiirt doom'd in stranger realms to roam 
 
 A widow ! yet a wife ! 
 
 Phillip$'i Lament. 
 
 ACCEPTATION. 
 
 From the high halls of Brunswick, all youthful and 
 
 gay, 
 From the hearth of her fathers, he lured her away : 
 How joy'd she in coming — 
 
 how smiling the bower; 
 How sparkling their nuptials — 
 
 how welcome her dower. 
 Ah ! short were her pleasures — full soon came her 
 
 cares — 
 Her husbandless bride-bed was wash'd with her 
 
 tears. 
 
The most desolate woman in the world! 
 
 Tlij daughter, then, could hear thee weep ; 
 Uut uow she sleeps the dreamless sleep. 
 
 Phillips's Lament. 
 
 ALTERATION. 
 
 IN ear a million of debts gone, 
 
 all gone were her charms — 
 What ! an Epicure have his own wife 
 
 in his arms? 
 She was not to his taste — 
 
 what car'd lie for the ' form,' 
 ' To love and to cherish' 
 
 could not mean reform : 
 ' To love' meant, of course, nothing else 
 
 but neglect ; — 
 * To cherish' to leave her, 
 
 and shew disrespect 
 
faded appftite rtsigii'd 
 
 'Jlie victim up to shame. 
 
 Phillipi'i CamtriC. 
 
 IMPUTATION. 
 
 Was it manly, when widow'd, 
 
 to spy at her actions ; 
 To listen to eaves-droppers, 
 
 whisp'ring detractions ; 
 And, like an old Watchman, 
 
 with faults to conceal, 
 Get up Si false ChargCy 
 
 as a proof of his zeal ? 
 If desertion was base. Oh base be his name, 
 Who, having deserted, would bring her to shame 
 
nod.MDit yilur Majetly, protfct mine iiiuocence ! 
 
 King Ucnty lUl. 
 
 EXCULPATION. 
 
 Undaunted in spirit, her courage arose. 
 
 With encrease of charges, and encreaseof foes. 
 
 Despising the husband, 
 
 who thus had abused her. 
 She proved to his father, 
 
 his son had ill used her: — 
 Her conduct examin'd, and sifted, shone bright, 
 Her enemies fled, as the shadows of night. 
 
A wanderer, far away, 
 
 Keglected and revikd — 
 
 PhiLlipa's Lament. 
 
 EMIGRATION. 
 
 Her father and king, while with reason yet blest, 
 Protected her weakness, and shielded her rest; 
 Infirmity seizes him, false friends draw near, 
 Then spies gather round, and malignants appear ; 
 And cajole, wait, watch, insult, 
 
 alarm, and betray. 
 Till from home, and her daughter, 
 
 they force her away. 
 
y^ / 
 
 .^^"V,. 
 
 
 ' A hundred thousaud wplcomps !' 
 
 Coriolanut. 
 
 REMIGRATION. 
 
 Still pursued, when a ' wanderer,' 
 
 her child sleeps in death, 
 
 And her best friend, in England, her king, 
 yields his breath ; 
 
 This gives her new rights — 
 
 they neglect and proscribe her ; 
 
 She threatens returning — they then try to bribe her ! 
 
 The bullies turn slaves, and, in meanness, fawn on her: 
 
 They feel her contempt, and they vow her dishonour; 
 
 But she 'steers her own course,' comes indignantly 
 over. 
 
 And the shouts of the nation salute her at Dover! 
 
He smelt— O Lord ! how he did smell ! 
 
 Southcy's Minor Poems, vol.iii. p. lOK. 
 
 CONSTERNATION. 
 
 Ah, what was that groan ! — 
 
 'twas the Head of the Church, 
 When he found she was come — 
 
 for he dreaded a search 
 Into what Ae'd been doing : 
 
 and sorely afraid, for 
 What she might find out, 
 
 cried ' Til not have her pra^'d for' ; 
 And the B ps, obeying their pious Head, 
 
 care took 
 That the name of his wife 
 
 should be out of the prayer book ! 
 
A BURNING SHAME!" 
 
 I will kill thee, if thou dost deny 
 
 Thou hast made me a cuckold. 
 
 What false Italian 
 
 (As poisoQous tougued as handed) hath prevailed 
 On thy too ready hearing? 
 
 CymbeUne. 
 
 ACCUSATION. 
 
 On searching for precedents, much to their dread, 
 They found that they could n't well cut off her head ; 
 
And the 'House of Incurables' raised a * Report' 
 She was not a fit person to live in his Court. 
 How like an OLD CHARLEY 
 
 they then made him stand, 
 In his lanthorn a leech, 
 
 the ' Report' in his hand. 
 ' Good folks be so good as not go near that door 
 ' For, though my own wife, she 2.$ — I could say more 
 ' But it's all in this Bag, and there'll be a fine pother, 
 ' I shall get rid of her, and I'll then get another!' 
 
 Yet he thought, to himself, — 
 
 'twas a thought most distressing, — 
 
 * li she should discover 
 
 I've been M — eh — ss — g, 
 
 * There's an end of the whole ! 
 
 D rs C^ ns, of course, 
 
 ' If my own hands are dirty, 
 
 won't grant a D ce !* 
 
 He tried to look wise, but he only look'd wild ; 
 The women laugh'd out, and the grave even smiled ; 
 The old frown'd upon him — the children made sport, 
 And his wife held her ridicule at his ' Report'! 
 
 Moral. 
 Be warned hy his fate 
 
 Married, single, and all; 
 Ye elderly Gentlemen, 
 
 Pity his fall ! 
 
Give me but lli« Liberty of ilie Tipss, aud I will givt to the minister a veual 
 Jlousf ot Peei."-. Hheridan. 
 
 PUBLICATION. 
 
 As yoii bright orb, that vivifies our ball, 
 Sees through our system, and illumines all; 
 
So, sees and shines, our Moral Sun, The Press, 
 
 Alike to vivify the mind, and bless; 
 
 Sees the rat Leech turn towards Milan's walls, 
 
 * Till the black slime betrays him as he crawls •' 
 
 Sees, from that recreant, vile, and eunuch-land, 
 
 Where felon-perjurers hold their market-stand, 
 
 Cooke, with his ' cheek of parchment, eye of stone/ 
 
 Get up the evidence, to go well down; 
 
 Sees who, with eager hands, the Green Bag cram, 
 
 And warns the nation of the frightful flam ; 
 
 Sees Him, for whom they work the treacherous 
 
 task, 
 With face, scarce half conceal'd, behind their mask, 
 Fat, fifty-eight, and frisky, still a beau, 
 Grasping a half-made match, by Leech-Wghi go • 
 Led by a passion, prurient, blind, and batter'd, 
 Lame, bloated, pointless, flameless, age'd and 
 
 shatter'd ; 
 Creeping, like Guy Fawkes, to blow up his wife. 
 Whom, spurn'd in youth, he dogs through after-life. 
 
 Scorn'd, exiled, baffled, goaded in distress, 
 She owes her safety to a fearless Press : 
 With all the freedom that it makes its own, 
 It guards, alike, the people and their throne; 
 While fools with darkling eye-balls shun its gaze, 
 And soaring villains scorch beneath its blaze. 
 
I am wrapp'd in disiatl tliinkiuijs! — 
 
 THE KING, in All's weU that ends well. 
 
 INDIGNATION. 
 
 The day will soon come, when * the Judge and tlie 
 
 Ponderer,' 
 Will judge between thee, and the charge-daring 
 
 ' Wanderer ;' 
 Will say — 'Thou who cast the first stone at thy wife, 
 Art thou without sin, and is spotless tht/ life?' 
 Ah! what if t/ii/ faults should 'outrival the sloe,' 
 And thy wife's, beside thine, should look ' whiter 
 
 than snow ' ! 
 Bethink thee! the old British Lion awoke, 
 Turns indignant, and treads out thy bag-full of smoke. 
 Spurn thy minions — the traitors, who counsel thee, 
 
 banish ; 
 And the soldiers will quickly forget all their Spanish! 
 
" Le Roy le veut !" G. R. 
 
 ■See Blackstone's Com. b. 1. c.-2. 
 
 CORONATION. 
 
 Shakspeare says, in King John, it's a curse most 
 
 abhorrent, 
 ThB.t' Slaves take the humours of Kings for a warrant.' 
 A more useful truth never fell froni his pen. 
 If Kings would apply it like sober-bred men. 
 The Slaves oi yoiw will, 
 
 will make your reign, in History, 
 A misrule of force, folly, taxing, and mystery : 
 Indulging your wish for 
 
 what, with law, 's incompatible, 
 For the present, they've render'd your crown 
 
 not come-at-able ; 
 And the tongues of old women and infancy wag, 
 With, ' He call'd for his crown — and 
 
 they gave him the Bag T 
 

 
 
 
 
 
 So let liini stand 
 
 'Byron . 
 
 DEGRADATION. 
 
 To this have tliey brought thee, at last ! 
 
Exposed thee, for all men to see! 
 Ah, surely, their pandering 
 
 shall quickly be past: — 
 
 * How wretched their portion 
 
 shall be! 
 * Derision shall strike them 
 forlorn, 
 
 * A mockery that never shall die : 
 ' The curses of hate and the hisses 
 
 of scorn, 
 '■ Shall follow wherever they fly; 
 ' And proud o'er their ruin 
 
 for ever be hurl'd, 
 ' The laughter of triumph, 
 
 the jeers of the world!' 
 
 THE END 
 
 ■Cats' Meat!" 
 
 EngHsh Cry. 
 
I say, HUM, how faieo ir with Royalty now' 
 
 Is itMp.'— Is itpi-imc?—li it spooney ?~or how' 
 
 The Fudge Family. 
 
 THE JOSS AND HIS FOLLY, 
 
 An Extract of an overland Dispatch. 
 
 I stare at it from out my casement, 
 And ask for what is sucli a place meant. 
 
 Byron. 
 
 July 29, ISm 
 
 The queerest of all the queer sights 
 
 I've set sight on ; — 
 Is, the what dye-calV-t things here, 
 
 The Folly at Brighton 
 
The outside^ — huge teapots, 
 
 all drill'd round with holes, 
 Relieved by extinguishers, 
 
 sticking on poles : 
 The inside — all tea-things, 
 
 and dragons, and bells, 
 The show rooms — all show, 
 
 the sleeping rooms — cells. 
 
 But the grand Curiosity 
 
 's not to be seen — 
 The owner himself — 
 
 an old fat Mandarin ; 
 A patron of painters 
 
 who copy designs, 
 That grocers and tea-dealers 
 
 hang up for signs : 
 Hence teaboard-taste artists 
 
 gain rewards and distinction, 
 Hence his title of ' Teapot' 
 
 shall last to extinction. 
 I saw his great chair 
 
 into which he falls — soss— 
 And sits, in his China Shop, 
 
 like a large Joss ; 
 His mannikins round him, 
 
 in tea-tray array. 
 His pea-hens beside him, 
 
 to make him seem gay. 
 
 u 
 
It is said when he sleeps 
 
 on his state Eider-down, 
 And thinks on his Wife, 
 
 and about half 2. Crown; 
 That he wakes from these horrible dream? 
 
 in a stew ; 
 And that, stretching his arms out, 
 
 he screams, Mrs. Q.! 
 He 's cool'd on the M — ch ss, 
 
 but I'm your debtor 
 For further particulars— 
 
 in a C letter. 
 You must know that he hates his own wife, 
 
 to a failing ; — 
 
 And it 's thought, it 's to shun her, 
 he 's now gone out 
 
 SAILING. 
 
 A living teapot stands, one arm held cut, 
 
 One tent ; the handle this, and that the spnut. 
 
 linjit of the Loch. 
 
 Finis. 
 
PUBLISHED BY WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 NERO VINDICATED. 
 
 By the Author of " The Political House that Jack Built." 
 
 fVith Cuts, Price Is. 
 
 " NON MI RICOHDO !" &c. &c. &c. ^Vith Cuts, the 28th Edi- 
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 THE DROPr CLAUSES OUT OF THE BILL AGAINST 
 THE QUEEN. For Mr. Attorney General to peruse and settle. With a 
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 THE QUEEN'S LETTER TO THE KING. In octavo, Price 6c/. 
 *^* Orders should expressly state Hone's Edition. 
 
 THE QUEEN'S CASE STATED. By CHARLES PHILLIPS. 
 Esq. Barrister at Law. 
 
 "You shall surely answer it, where the poorest rag upon the poorest beggar in this island 
 shall have the splendour of your coronation gaimeut."— Firfe Statement. 8vo. Is. 
 
 CAROLINE ; a Poem.— Price Is. 6d. 
 
 " This is a Poem for the People, and coutains some of those great truths which cannot be 
 studied too much." — Monthly Magazine, August. 
 
 THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. With \3Cuts. 
 The 47th Edition, 8vo. Is. Fine Edition, 2s. Fine Coloured Edition, 3s. 
 
 'J HE MAN IN THE MOON; A Speech from the Throne 
 to the Senate of Lnnataria. — Also, A Political Christinas Carol, set to Music; 
 and " The Doctor," a Parody, written hy the Rijjht Hon. George Canning. 
 Hith 15 Cuts. The 22d Edition 8vo, Is. Coloured Edition, 2s. 
 
 THE FOUNDERS OF THE SPANISH REVOLUTION. 
 
 Pi in Is 2s. — Proofs 4s. 
 The PORTRAITS of QUIKOG A, RIEGO, AGUERO, and BANGS ; the 
 
 four distinguished Founders of the Spanish Revolution, which, on the 1st of Ja- 
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 secured, without bloodslnd, by putting the Law above the Ring. Price 2s. 
 
 *,* WILLIAM HONK h<s caused these authentic likenesses, transmitted to him from Spain, 
 to be engraved in one Print, for the gratification of the British People. 
 
 THE OCEAN CAVERN : a Tale of the Tonga Isles, In Three 
 Cantos. — The interesting story selected as the ground-work of this Poem, is in 
 Mariner's Account of the Customs and Manners of the Inhabitants of the Tonga 
 Islands. '* Hie tale is beautifully related in the Poem, and occasions feelings 
 " which a real bard only can raise. The author's name is not affixed. It has 
 '* been attrii)utei to one who ranks highest amongst the children of Song." — 
 Handsomely printed in oclaco, uniformly toith Lord Byron's Poems, 4s. 6d. 
 
 A NEW^AND ENLARGED COLLECTION OF SPEECHES, 
 by the Right Hon. JOHN PHILPOT CURRAN ; containing several of im- 
 portance, in no former Collection, with MEMOIRS of Mr. Currau, and his 
 PORTRAIT, In me Volume Octavo, 8s. 
 
 *,* Eloquence has perhaps never suffered a deeper loss than by the imper- 
 fect manner in which the Speeches of this immortal Orator have been col- 
 lected. The present ■edition embodies all his relics, and contains seven full 
 speeches, with two extracts, in no other Collection. These grand eflbrts of 
 oratorical genius leave the reader's mind in awful astonishment at the daring 
 honesty of the intrepid advocate, and disclose scenes of incredible profligacy 
 in the Irish Parliament, i\liere the majestic figure of the Patriot rose in 
 sublime and solitary pre-eminence. Wiih Cnrran all is tire and energy. And 
 these qualities, seconded by his honesty, fruitlessly exerted in his country'* 
 cause, make him exhibit in the midst of her expiring liberties, that most inte- 
 resting of all human spectacles, " A Great Man struggling in the Storms of 
 Fate." — If Genius, Integrity, Courage, and Perseverance could have re- 
 deemed Ireland from thraldom, Curran would have been known to posterity 
 in the character of her saviour. 
 
THE APOCRYPHAL NFAV TESTAMENT, bein? all tlie Go*, 
 pels, Epistles, and other Pieces extant, attributed in the first four Ceutiiries, 
 to Jesus CnRrsr, his Apostles, and their Companions, and not included in 
 the New Testament by its Compilers. Translated from the Original Tongues, 
 a nd now first colle cted into One Volume. — 8vo. 6s. 
 
 POLITICAL ESSAYJ^ WTTITSKETCHESTjF PUBLIC CHA- 
 RACTERS, by WILLIAM HAZLITT, handsomely printed in one large Vo- 
 lume Octavo, 14s. 
 
 •* Come, draw the curtain— shew the Picture." 
 
 This Series of energetic Essays is well described in the opening sentences 
 of the preface : " I am no Politician, and still less can I be said to be a paity- 
 *' man ; but I have a hatred of Tyranny, and a contempt for its Tools ; and 
 " this feeiini; I have expressed as often and as strongly as I could. — I have 
 " no mind to have my person made a property of, nor my Understanding 
 " made a Dupe of." — The Publisher conscientiously affirms, that there is 
 more Oii»;innl and just Thinking, luminously expressed in this Volume, than 
 in any other Work of a living Author. 
 
 ~lVl URRAY'S SMMOiNS TO^\SSES7TOIX)CTORS IN DIVhNU 
 TV, to LORDS SPIRITUAL, and to MINISTERS OF STATE, with the 
 Author's Lite and Portrait. — Civil and Religious intolerance were never more 
 successfully exposed and ridiculed than by the close reasonini; and sarcastic 
 irony in these extremely able pieces. They are are now first collected into one 
 large volume ; and form an Encyclopedia of Political truths, abounding with wit 
 and humour, and the severest invectives of flowing patriotism. — 8vo. 8s. 
 
 SLXTY CURIOUS AND AUTHENTIC NARRAriVLS AND 
 ANECDOTES respecting Extraordinary Characters ; Illustrative of the ten- 
 dency of Credulity and Fanaticism ; exemplifying the Imperfections of Circum- 
 stantial Evidence ; and recording singular instances of voluntary Human Sufiier- 
 ing, and Interesting Occurrences. By JOHN CECIL, Esq. In Foolscap'Octavo. 
 With an Historical Plate, 6s. 
 
 This is a most interesting little volume, either at home or abroad, and so en- 
 tertaining and select, in its facts and language, as to render it a very agreeable 
 companion, and an acceptable present. 
 
 THE PlCTUl^OF THE "PALAIS ROYAL: describing its 
 Spectacles, Gaming-houses, Coffee-houses, Restaurateurs, Tabagies, Reading- 
 rooms, Milliners'-shops, Gamesters, Sharpers, Mouchards, Artistes, Epicures, 
 Courtesans, Fillies, and other Remarkable Objects in that High Change of the 
 Fashionable Dissipation and Vice of Paris. With Characteristic Sketches and 
 Anecdotes of its Frequenters and Inhabitants. In a neat Pocket Volume with a 
 large folding Coloured Engruring, 5s. Visitors to Paris should take it with them 
 as a Guide and Mentor. Those who stay at home will be exceedingly amused 
 
 by the singularity of manners it discloses. 
 
 Printed on Bank Post Paper, Price One ShiUing. 
 AN ENGRAVED SPECIMEN OF A BANK NOTE— NOT TO 
 BE IMITATED! with the Bank Restriction Barometer, or Scale of 
 Effects on Society, of the Bank-note System and Payments in Gold. — By the 
 AUTHOR of" THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT." 
 
 *^* The Examiner says — " This Bank-note is by Mr. Hone, and ought to 
 make the hearts of the Bank Directors (if they have hearts) ache at the sight. — 
 
 I t is altogether a curious Publication." ^__^__^____ 
 
 WILLIAM HONE'S CATALOGUE OF ANCIENT AND MO- 
 PERN BOOKS, including many curious and scarce Articles, Price Is. 
 
 THE " HISTORY OF PARODY." 
 
 The Materials/or this IVork are scattered over so extensive a range of Literature, 
 that the difficulty of collecting them, in some meamre baffled my hopes as to the 
 time of Publication. My intentions, Iwwever, have always been to spare no pains 
 in the Research ; and I confidently expect that the result will justify the labour 
 I hare expended upon it, and satisfy the strong cunosity I am conscious of having 
 excited. — IVith a view to trespass as little as possible upon the patience of the sub- 
 scribers, and at the same time to consult their convenience, I take this opportunity 
 of announcing that the tVork will appear in Monthly Parts, each containing at least 
 five Engravings, and that it tcill probably be completed in tlight deliveries at 5s. each. 
 I pledge myself that the first Part shall be published without fail on the 1st Ja- 
 nuary next, and respectfully invite the names of Subscribers. The money to be paid 
 un delivery of each Part. 
 Ludgate-Hill, Sid Octob er, mzO. WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 Printed by W. Hone, 43, LuUgate Hill. 
 
3n parliament. 
 
 DROPT CLAUSES 
 
 OUT OF THE 
 
 BILL, 
 
 AGAINST 
 
 THE QUEEN. 
 
 For 
 
 Mr. Attorney General 
 To peruse and settle. 
 
 With a refresher. 
 
 W. HONE, 
 
 Ludgate Hill, London, 
 Solicitor for said Clauses, 
 (6d) 
 
 NOTE. 
 The original edition of this article was printed on a sheet of fooUcap 
 writing paper, with the preceding endorsement on its folding. 
 
BILL 
 
 To deprive Her Majesty, Caroline Amelia Eliza- 
 beth, of the Title, Prerogatives, Rights, Privi- 
 leges, and Pretensions of Queen Consort of this 
 Realm, and to dissolve the Marriage between 
 His Majesty and tlie said Queen. 
 
 Note. — The first column contains a Copy of the Bill — 
 The second column contains the Clauses that dropt 
 OUT, now proposed to he restored. 
 
 JD]C^€l^<!B9.^ '" die year 
 one thousand eight hundred 
 and fourteen, Her Majes- 
 ty, Caroline Amelia Eliza- 
 beth, then Princess of Wales, 
 and now Queen Consort of 
 this Realm, being at Milan, 
 in Italy, engaged in her ser- 
 vice, in a menial situation, 
 one Bartolomo Pergami, 
 otherwise Bartolomo Ber- 
 gami, a foreigner of h)w sta- 
 tion, who had before served 
 in a similar capacity : 
 
 AND WHEREAS, after 
 the said Bartolomo Pergami, 
 otherwise Bartolomo Ber- 
 gami, had so entered the 
 
 3lM^€li€3.^ on the eighth 
 day of April, one thousand 
 seven hundred and ninety- 
 five, your Majesty, then 
 beiuiij Prince of Wales, and 
 Heir apparent to the throne 
 of these Realms, intermar- 
 ried with the Princess Ca- 
 roline Amelia Elizabeth of 
 Brunswick, by whoni, on the 
 seven ill day oi'Januarjy, one 
 thousand seven hundred and 
 ninety-six, you had issue 
 the late Princess Charlotte, 
 of happy memory. 
 
 AND WHEREAS, on 
 the thirtieth day of April, 
 in the said year one thou- 
 
BILL IN PARLIAMENT. 
 
 service of her Royal High- 
 ness the said Princess of 
 Wales, a most unbecoming 
 and degrading intimacy com- 
 menced between Her Royal 
 Highness and the said Bar- 
 tolomo Pergami, otherwise 
 Bartolomo Ber garni : 
 
 AND WHEREAS her 
 Royal Highness not only 
 advanced the said Bartolo- 
 mo Pergami, otherwise Bar- 
 tolomo Ber garni, to a high 
 situation in her Royal High- 
 ness's household, and re- 
 ceived into her service many 
 of his near relations, some 
 of them in inferior, and 
 others in high and confi- 
 dential situations about her 
 Royal Highness's person, 
 but bestowed upon him other 
 great and extraordinary 
 marks of favour and distinc- 
 tion, obtained for him Or- 
 ders of Knighthood, and 
 Titles of Honour, and con- 
 ferred upon him a pretended 
 order of knighthood, which 
 her Royal Highness had 
 taken upon herself to insti- 
 tute,without any just or law- 
 ful authority : 
 
 AND WHEREAS Her 
 said Royal Highness, whilst 
 the said Bartolomo Per garni, 
 otherwise Bartolomo Ber- 
 gami, was in her said ser- 
 vice, further unmindful of 
 her exalted rank and sta- 
 tion, and of her duty to your 
 Majesty, and wholly re- 
 gardless of her own honour 
 and character, conducted 
 herself towards the said Bar- 
 tolomo Pergami, otherwise 
 
 CLAUSES DROPT OUT. 
 
 sand seven hundred and 
 ninety-six, your Majesty 
 was graciously pleased to 
 write to Her said Majesty, 
 in and by a letter of that 
 date, as follows ; — " Otir in- 
 " clinations are not in our 
 " power ^ nor should either of 
 " us be held answerable to 
 " the other: because nature 
 " has not made us suitable 
 "to each other;" and in 
 which said letter your Ma- 
 jesty defined to Her Ma- 
 jesty, the terms whereon you 
 proposed from thenceforth 
 to live wholly and entirely 
 separate and apart from 
 eachother: Your Majesty, 
 by such letter, and by the 
 sentiments therein express- 
 ed, and by the separation 
 thereon ensuing, and fur- 
 ther, by the well known 
 conduct of your Majesty to 
 her said Majesty, before and 
 subsequent thereto, in all re- 
 spects increasing your Ma- 
 jesty's reputation for wis- 
 dom and virtue, and the in- 
 terests of your Majesty and 
 this kingdom, as thereby, 
 and otherwise, more fully 
 and at large appears. 
 
 AND WHEREAS your 
 Majesty, for a certain 
 long space of time, to wit, 
 from the time of your Ma- 
 jesty's said royal marriage 
 and separalion, until the 
 present time, hath not com- 
 menced or carried on any un- 
 becoming or degrading inti- 
 macy with any married or 
 unmarried female or females, 
 or any other female or fe- 
 
( 4 ) 
 
 BILL IN PARLIAMENT. 
 
 Barlolomo Bergami, and in 
 other respects, both in pub- 
 lic and private, in the vari- 
 ous places and countries 
 which Her Royal Highness 
 visited, with indecent and of- 
 fensive familiarity and free- 
 dom, and carried on a licenti- 
 ous, diso^raceful, and adulter- 
 ous intercourse with the said 
 Barto/omo Per^ami, other- 
 wise Barfolomo Bers^ami^ 
 which continued for a long 
 period of time during Her 
 Royal Highness's residence 
 abroad, by which conduct of 
 Her said Royal Highness, 
 great scandal and dishonour 
 have been brought upon 
 your Majesty's family and 
 this kingdom. 
 
 THEREFORE, to mani- 
 fest our deep sense of such 
 
 CLAUSES DROPT OUT. 
 
 males of any rank or de- 
 scription, or in any situation 
 in lite whatsoever. 
 
 AND WHEREAS your 
 Majesty, from and during 
 the time ofyour Majesty's 
 royal marriage and separa- 
 tion, as aforesaid, until the 
 present time, haUi been whol- 
 lij mindful of your most ex- 
 alted rank and station, and of 
 the duty thereby imposed 
 upon you of settino- an ex- 
 ample of propriety and de- 
 corum to the people of these 
 realms; and halh thereby 
 been regardful ofyour own 
 iionour and character, and 
 hath not conducted i/ourself 
 towards any married or un- 
 married female or females, 
 or any other female or fe- 
 males, of any rank or de- 
 scription, either in public or 
 in private, or in any or 
 either of the various places 
 and houses which your Ma- 
 jesty hath visited, or been at 
 or in, with any indecent or 
 offensive familiarity or free- 
 dom; nor hath carried on 
 any licentious, disgraceful, 
 or adulterous intercourse with 
 any married or unmarried fe- 
 male or females, whereby 
 any scandal or dishonour 
 hath or can be brought up- 
 on your Majesty or your 
 Majesty's family ; or where- 
 by the minds and feelings, 
 or n)orals, of the subjects of 
 this kingdom, have been, or 
 can be injured or outraged. 
 
 AND WHEREAS your 
 Majesty, being of a religi- 
 
BILL IN PARLIAMENT. 
 
 scandalous, disgraceful, and 
 vicious conduct on the part 
 of her said Majesty, by 
 which she has violated the 
 duty she owed to your Ma- 
 jesty, and has rendered 
 herself unworthy of the ex- 
 alted rank and station of 
 Queen Consort of this 
 Realm, and to evince our 
 just reo^ard for the dignity 
 of the Crown, and the ho- 
 nour of this nation, we, your 
 Majesty's most dutiful 
 and loyal subjects, the Lords 
 Spiritual and Temporal and 
 Commons in Parliament as- 
 sembled, do hereby intreat 
 your Majesty, that it may 
 be enacted ; 
 
 anb ht it enacteb by the 
 King's most excellent Ma- 
 jesty, by and with the ad- 
 vice and consent of the 
 Lords Spiritual and Tem- 
 poral, and Commons in this 
 present Parliament assem- 
 bled, and by the authority 
 of the same, that her said 
 Majesty Caroline Amelia 
 Elizabeth, from and after 
 the passingof this Act, shall 
 be and is hereby deprived of 
 the title of Queen, and of all 
 the prerogatives, right's, pri- 
 vileges, and exemptions ap- 
 pertaining to her as Queen 
 Consort of this realm ; and 
 that her said Majesty 
 shall, from and after the 
 passing of this Act, for ever 
 be disabled and rendered 
 incapable of using, exercis- 
 ing, and enjoying the same, 
 or any of them; and more- 
 
 CLAUSES DROPT OUT. 
 
 0M5, moral, and well-dispos- 
 ed mind, and lawfully and 
 righteously devising, con- 
 triving, and in/ending to ex- 
 cite and promote piety, vir- 
 tue, and liappiness, in the 
 liege subjects of this king- 
 dom ; and to create rever- 
 ence in the minds of the 
 said liege subjects, for a 
 certain part of the [)ublic 
 and divine service of the 
 Church by law establish- 
 ed, called the " Form of 
 the Solemnization of Ma- 
 trimony,^^ and thereby to 
 promote the end and intent 
 of the institution of the ho- 
 nourable estate of matri- 
 mony ; — hath, by your Ma- 
 jesty's well known pure and 
 virtuous conduct, and in other 
 respects, as aforesaid, noto- 
 riously kept whole and in- 
 violate the solemn vow 
 made by your Majesty at 
 the altar, in the presence of 
 and to Almighty God, at 
 the ceremony of your Ma- 
 jesty's marriage, performed 
 according to the aforesaid 
 form of the solemnization of 
 Matrimony in the Book of 
 Common Prayer of the Unit- 
 ed Church of England and 
 Ireland, as by law establish- 
 ed, of which Church your 
 Majesty is also, by law es- 
 tablished, the pious and su- 
 preme head ; and hath there- 
 by become, and been, and 
 doth continue to be, a high 
 
 J ... . . ' o 
 
 and illustrious instance ot 
 conjugal affection and fidel- 
 ity: — to the great comfort of 
 
( 6 ) 
 
 BILL IN PARLIAMENT. CLAUSES BROPT OUT. 
 
 over, that the marritifi^e be- the public morals; to the 
 tweeii his Maj estv and the promotion ot'your Majesty's 
 said Caroline Amelia Eliza- Proclamation ao;ainst vice 
 belli be, and the same is here- and profaneness ; according 
 by from hencefortli for ever to the form of the statutes 
 wholly dissolved, annulled, in that case n)ade and pro- 
 and made void to all intents, vided ; to the good example 
 constructions, and purposes of all others; to the fijreat 
 whatsoever. pleasure of Almiohty God ; 
 
 to the preservation of the 
 public peace; and to the 
 lasting- honour and welfare 
 of your Majesty's crown and 
 dignity. 
 
 Mr. ATTORNEY GENERAL iviU 
 please to settle these Clauses, and re- 
 store them to their proper places in the 
 Bill, together with suck others as may 
 appear to him to further effectuate the 
 object proposed by said Clauses. 
 
 He will also please to consider and ad- 
 vise specially as to the Evidence in sup- 
 port of same, and generally on the Case. 
 
" NON MI RICORDO ! 
 
 &c. Sec. Sec. 
 
 ^y 
 
 " This will witness nutwaidly, as strongly as the consrienrc does within" 
 
 . Cywbelinr., 
 
 *' Who are vou?" 
 
 LONDON : 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, LUDG.\TE IHIL 
 
 18-20. 
 
 SIXPENCE. 
 
(^ LOST, at the Court Martial, Signor MY JOKEY'S 
 MEMORY, together with his Government Victualling Bill ; hoth 
 a little damaged, and of no use but to the owner. Whoever will 
 bring them to the Publisher, in time to be restored to the Signor's 
 disconsolate Mother, Mrs. Leech, shall be rewarded with a " No/t 
 vii ricordo !" 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 The Drawings fur this Publication are 
 By Mr. George Cruikshank. 
 
 HONE'S NATIONAL TOY. 
 
 The most exlensively embellished, and most rapidlti selling production 
 ever issued from the Press, Price Is. 
 
 THE QUEEN'S MATRIMONIAL LADDER} a National 
 Toy. By the AUTHOR of the POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK 
 BUILT. With 14 Step-Scenes; and Illustrations in Verse, with 18 other 
 CUTS ; viz. High and Low— He qualifies — declares — She accepts — He 
 alters — imputes — She exculpates — emigrates — reutigrates — consternates — 
 He accuses— the Press watches— The British Lion awakes— He asks for 
 his Crown and they give him the Bag— They degrade him— The Knd, 
 Cats' Meat : — Teapot the Great — Gone Sailing. 
 
 Printed for William Hone, Ludgate Hill; & sold by all the Booksellers 
 in the United Kingdom. 
 
(( 
 
 NON MI RICORDO!" 
 
 Cross Examined by Mr. Besom. 
 
 WHO are you ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 What countryman are you ? — a foreigner or an 
 englishman ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Do you understand English ? No not at all. 
 
 Will the Oath you have taken hind you to speak 
 the truth, or do you know of any other Oath more 
 binding ? 
 
 The Turnstile General objected to the ques- 
 tion ; upon which a discussion arose as to the nature 
 of the Oath likely to bind the Witness, who ap- 
 peared to be playing with a thread. The Witness 
 was accordingly asked, by way of illustration, to 
 what degree he thought the thread was binding, and 
 whether he knew of any thing else more binding ? 
 
 The Lord Precedent Furthermore said, if the 
 Witness believed the thread he held was binding, 
 that was sufficient. 
 
 The Lord Precedent's opinion gave rise to a 
 long discussion as to whether more binding was 
 binding, and binding was more binding ; which ended 
 in a reference to the Erminians, who delivered the 
 following solemn opinion : — If the Witness shall 
 answer that he thinks the bit of thread is binding, 
 there is no doubt it is binding ; but he cannot be 
 asked if a cord is more binding, because he in fact 
 
says that the thread itself is binding. If the Witness 
 twists the thread round his httle finger he is so far 
 bound by it, and it is binding ; and having done that, 
 it is unnecessary to inquire whether a cord, round 
 another part of his body, would be more binding. 
 
 Question over-ruled. 
 
 Cross Examination resumed. 
 
 You are a master tailor, I think ? I was cut 
 out for a tailor. 
 
 You have been a tailor, then ? I only follow 
 
 tailoring as a mere amusement. 
 
 Fond of Goose I suppose — but pray Mr. Mere- 
 amusement what is your business ? I was brought 
 up a Cabinet maker. 
 
 What can you get at it ^ — are you a good hand ? 
 I cati't say I am ; I'm badly off; my toots are worn 
 out. 
 
 What is your place of residence ? 
 (Order Order). 
 
 The Turnstile General protested against the 
 consequences of this mode of Examination. 
 
 Lord Juryman — Why does not the Interpreter 
 give the Witness's Answer. 
 
 The Lord Precedent Furthermore — Because 
 the Bench objects to the question. 
 
 Lord MuDDLEPOOL — Does the Turnstile General 
 object to the question. 
 
 The Turnstile General. I do object to it, my 
 Lord. This is perhaps the most important question 
 that ever occurred. By this dealing out, the party 
 is placed in such a situation as he never was placed 
 in before. 
 
Mr. Besom — I ask him where !ie now hves, and 
 the Turnstile General objects to this, because I do 
 not put all the questions I might put, in a single 
 breath. 
 
 The Lord Precedent Furthermore — I feel 
 great difficulty — I doubt. 
 
 Lord Wheelbarrow thought there was a great 
 deal in what the noble Lord had said ; and he 
 doubted. 
 
 Cross Examination Resumed. 
 
 How much money has been expended on you 
 since you were born ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 What have you done for it in return? More 
 less than more. 
 
 How do you get your living ? I was waiter for 
 
 some years at the Hotel de Grand Brelagne, and 
 succeeded my father as head waiter at the Crown Inn. 
 
 What wages have you ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Have you any perquisites ? Veils. 
 
 Are you head waiter, or by what other name than 
 head waiter you may be called, at the Crown Inn ? 
 
 I am after building a new place called the I'Vel- 
 lington Arms, and trying to be Barrack-master ; if 
 I dont gain the Trial I shall be glad to remain at the 
 old Crown. 
 
 This answer appeared to excite considerable sen- 
 sation. 
 
 The Twister General thought the meaning was, 
 ' if I do n't gain what I attempt to gain.' 
 [The Short-hand writer was desired to read the an- 
 swer, and the word Trial was retained as the cor- 
 rect translation.] 
 
I do not ask what you are to be hereafter, but 
 whether you are still head waiter at the Crown ? 
 
 The head waiter is dismissed occasionally. 
 
 Are you married ? More yes than no. 
 
 Do you live with your own wife ? No. 
 
 Is she in this country ? Yes. 
 
 Why did you marry ? To pay my debts. 
 
 Then why did you part .'' Because my debts 
 were paid. 
 
 Were you not up to the eyes ia debt? Si 
 Signor. -^ ..• •-. H 
 
 Are you not bound to manifest some gratitude to- 
 wards those who have paid your debts ? 
 
 The Interpreter said the witness was a mere 
 fanfaron, and that he found it difficult, if not impos- 
 sible, to explain to the witness's understanding what 
 was meant by gratitude. 
 
 Cross Examination resumed. 
 
 Did not you write to your wife a licentious letter, 
 called a letter of license ? — (Order, order.) 
 
 I ask you again the cause of your separation ? 
 She left me. 
 
 On what account ? I did not like her, and I 
 
 told her I'd have nothing to do with her any more. 
 
 After that what did you do ? Oh, I rambled 
 
 about. 
 
 Where did you go ? To Jersey and elsewhere. 
 
 Well, Sir, go on. Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Do you mean to say that you never went to Man- 
 chester Square ? More yes than no. 
 
 Were you in the house on the footing of a pri- 
 vate friend ? No, not as a friend. 
 
You mentioned your father just now : — you did not 
 go in your father s cart, I presume ; in what sort of 
 carriage did you go? In the old yellow chariot. 
 
 How long did it take you to travel from Man- 
 chester Square to Richmond ? Non mi ricordo. 
 How many other places did you go to ? Non 
 mi ricordo. 
 
 Is the Marquis of C. a married man ? 
 
 (Order. Order.) 
 After you parted from your wife, on what terms 
 did you live ? I've been trying to get rid of her. 
 
 Do you know what Matthew says (c. v. v. 32.) ? 
 Matthew ? Matthew ? (trying to recollect) — what 
 Matthew ? — he 's no friend of mine. 
 
 In what light do you consider your oath at the 
 marriage ceremony ? A ceremony. 
 
 If your marriage oath has not bound you, can you 
 expect people to believe you if ever you should take 
 a solemn public oath ? More yes than no. 
 
 By the Roman law, a divorce was granted for 
 Drunkenness, Adultery, and False Keys : what is 
 vour opinion of that law ? 
 
 The Twister General said, that it was contrary 
 to common sense to ask the witness's opinion about 
 any Law. 
 
 How many Wives does your Church allow you ? 
 Non mi ricordo. 
 
 How many have you had since you separated from 
 your own ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Are you a Member of the Society for the Suppres- 
 sion of Vice ? Yes (with great energy). 
 
 The Cross-examining Counsel said that the Inter- 
 preter had materially altered the sense of the last qucs- 
 
tion; he had in fact asked, if the Witness was Member 
 of the Society for the suppression of PVives, (a loud 
 laugh) which Witness had eagerly answered in the 
 affirmative. 
 
 The Witness's answer was expunged, and on the 
 question being repeated correctly, he answered that 
 he was told it was his duty to encourage the yice 
 Society, because it professed to diminish the influ- 
 ence of bad example. 
 
 Have they ever prosecuted you ? Me! — (iv'ith 
 astonishment) — they like me too well! 
 
 What do you mean then by Suppression — is your 
 Society to prevent little vice from being committed, 
 or great vice from being found out ? 
 
 More Yes than No. 
 
 It was here moved by Lord Le Cuisinier, that 
 4 o'clock, the hour of dinner, was arrived. 
 
 Another, in a maiden Speech, said, that during his 
 long silence in that Court he had had leisure to ob- 
 serve, that 4 o'clock in the morning was a more 
 usual hour of adjournment. 
 
 Another considered that Lord Le Cuisinier's 
 suggestion ought not to be entertained for a moment. 
 We only exist in our formalities. If we suffer our- 
 selves to be put a stop to by the motion, we may find 
 that we are travelling round again into the obsolete 
 usages of our early ancestors ; which will be to 
 describe a circle that must be generally considered 
 as nothing less than a revolution ! I therefore depre- 
 cate the least innovation, and move, as an amend- 
 ment, that 4 o'clock is not arrived. 
 
The Master General of the Black Barracks at 
 Exeter, rose without his wig, and declaring, upon the 
 memory of his whiskers, that he had just heard it 
 strike 4, he enquired whether the Clock was in 
 Order. (Loud and continued cries of hear hear.) 
 
 TheHomeDocTOR felthispulse alarmingly quicken 
 one and a fraction in the minute, and nervously said, 
 that the clock was clearly guilty of a barefaced libel 
 and ought to be instantly held to bail for breach of the 
 peace. The simultaneous action of all the Clocks 
 throughout the nation and their open communication 
 by circulars, was an index to the existence of an 
 organized correspondence and a systematic affiliation. 
 He trembled at the ' positive intelligence he had re- 
 ceived, that millions at that moment held their hands 
 in an attitude ready to strike ; but it was the proudest 
 day of his life that he had so far succeeded by a c'lr^ 
 cular movement of his own, as to enable his workmen 
 to hold them to the peace for an hour together. 
 
 Lord Bathos assured the Black-Barrack Master- 
 General that the Clock was out of Order, and he 
 congratulated the Home Doctor on his efficiency ; 
 but he thought they had not sunk low enough into 
 the subject ; for he had strong doubts whether the 
 striking might not be construed into an overt act of 
 High Treason, and if he saw any probability of 
 being supported he should conclude with a substan- 
 tive motion. Did not the Lord Precedent remember 
 a Clock Case, in which, immediately after the chain 
 had been locked up, a principal link suddenly dis- 
 appeared ? and whether, after the most minute 
 inquiry, there was not every reason to believe from 
 the best information that could be obtained at that 
 
time, that that hiik had been priggedP (Hear hear.) 
 Take even the very last Clock Case, where the chain 
 was kept together with the greatest pains, and 
 the utmost care. If the smallest link in that 
 chain had been prigged, it would have been fatal 
 to the works, and yet in that very case, two 
 days after the chain was locked up, a link was 
 obtained, which, if sooner discovered, would have 
 lengthened the chain to the necessary extent, and 
 brought home in the most conclusive manner the 
 guilt of the Clock. He therefore moved that the 
 Clock be examined, and the chain kept in their own 
 custody, with liberty to add to the number of links. 
 
 Lord Ratstail with his usual animation seconded 
 the Motion. 
 
 Marquiz Boudoir moved as an Amendment, that 
 the Clock being in contempt, the Black stick be or- 
 dered to walk him in to-morrow. Seconded. 
 
 Upon this Amendment the following Amendment 
 was moved and seconded, that the word ' to-morrow' 
 be expunged, and the word * yesterday' be inserted 
 in its place. Ordered. 
 
 Cross Examination resumed. 
 
 Does the Witness recollect whether he was at 
 B ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Who usually closed the Pavilion ? I did. 
 
 Was it so close as to exclude any person outside 
 from seeing what passed within, or was it partially 
 open ? It was quite closed — When I could not 
 
 close it with C******** entirely, I did it with other 
 pieces. 
 
 What do you mean by saying with other pieces ? 
 I mean with other pieces of the same quality. 
 
Symptoms of impatience were now expressed, with 
 loud cries of Withdraw, withdraw. 
 
 Do you remember any thing particular occurring 
 one night ? No. 
 
 Do you not recollect whether a new wing was 
 added during the time you and your mistress were 
 absent ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Do you know a certain Colonel Q. ? Yes, he 
 
 has too little mustachios. 
 
 Are you a sober man ? More no than yes. 
 
 How many bottles a day do you drink. Non 
 
 mi ricordo. 
 
 Do you drink six bottles ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Five bottles ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 How many nights in the week do you go to bed 
 sober ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 Are you sober now ? More no than yes. 
 
 Where do you spend your mornings ? At 
 
 Curasao. 
 
 Where do you spend your evenings ? At the 
 
 Cat and Fiddle. 
 
 What is your favorite dish ? Trifle. 
 
 What is your favorite game ? Bag-at-L — 
 
 What is your favorite amusement ? The C. 
 
 After Dressing, Drinking, and Dreaming, what 
 time remains for thinking ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 I hold in my hand a list of immense sums of 
 money that have been advanced to you, how much 
 have you left ? None. 
 
 Well, but you have something to show for it ? No. 
 
 How do you live ? I have a <fo//-shop, and a 
 
 large stable in the country, and some coi(;-houses in 
 different parts. 
 
Are not your favourite friends horn-hoys and flash- 
 men ? — (Order, order.) 
 
 Can you produce a certificate of good character 
 from those wlio hnow you ? Yes, from the 
 
 minister. 
 
 Pho ! pho ! do n't trifle ; can you from any respect- 
 able person ? More no than yes. 
 
 I understand you have the scarlet fever, do you 
 not know that it ends here in a putrid fever ? Non 
 mi ricordo. 
 
 You have many companions and advisers, but 
 have you to your knowledge one 7'eal friend in the 
 world ; and if not, why not ? Non mi ricordo. 
 
 By what acts of your life do you expect you will 
 be remembered hereafter ? I shall not answer 
 
 you any more questions ; you put questions to me I 
 never dreamt of. 
 
 Suppose every man in society were to do as you 
 do, what would become of society ; and what right 
 have you to do so, more than any other man ? — (IVit- 
 ness greatly agitated PJ 
 
 The Witness from the Grillery asked whether 
 the Cross Examination was nearly concluded ? (Cries 
 of Keep on !) — Supposing that the business would 
 close to day at 4 o'clock, he had made a private 
 assignation, although he was quite ready to stoj) if 
 necessary. 
 
 The Lord Precedent Furthermore was in 
 favour of adhering to a square rule ; he had not 
 entered the Court till five seconds past ten by his 
 
stop-watch, in consequence of consulting with his 
 Wife upon a motion -of-course which they had con- 
 templated ; and their further deliberation had been 
 postponed until after the adjournment to-day. It 
 was impossible to know what questions might turnout 
 to be doubtful or doubtless ; yet adjourning at Five 
 o'clock would gain a delay of six hours in the Week, 
 and the gaining of any thing he considered very 
 material in the present case. 
 
 An Adjournment then took place, the Witness 
 remaining on 
 
 THE GRILLERY. 
 
 " The Fat in the Fire!" 
 
^Dibertt^tmmt^ C^xtraortiinati)* 
 
 CONSPIRACY. 
 
 WHEREAS a most abominable GANG, have caused to be 
 published and promulgated througliovit the Nation a descrip- 
 tion of the infirmities and necessities of our nature, of which deco- 
 rum forbids the mention ; and also gross and inflaming allusions to 
 the intercourse between the sexes, and wanton and shocking 
 exposures relating thereto ; to the destruction of youthful inno- 
 cence, to the shame and disgust of matron modesty, and to the 
 horror of all heads of families : it is therefore proposed to call an 
 immediate MEETING, for the purpose of considering the best 
 mode of preventing an increase of this dreadful contamination, 
 and of securing the ringleaders of the Conspiracy, and bringing 
 them to condign punishment. 
 
 NEW VICTUALLING OFFICE. 
 
 TO CONTRACTORS.— Persons willing to supply this Esta- 
 blishment with CAST-IRON REPEATERS, having duplex 
 Movements, according to the Working Models now in use as 
 above, may send in Sealed Tenders, stating the number they can 
 instantly supply for immediate use, and the price thereof at 
 per hundred. 
 
 TO NACKERMEN. 
 
 THE old Hackney, Liverpool, who lately lost his paces, is 
 glandered, gone blind, got cruel vicious, tried to kick his 
 mistress's brains out, shattered himself to nothing, and is expected 
 to go down with the staggers. Any body who thinks it worth 
 while to send a drag to the Stable yard may have him for fetching. 
 
 TO MANGLERS— JUST LEAVING HIS PLACE. 
 
 A STOUT ABLE-BODIED IRISHMAN, for a long time a 
 master hand at mangling ; when he begins there is no stop- 
 ping him, and never tires. Can fold and smooth, and double and 
 iron, all day. Will turn with any body. Was formerly a master 
 in Dublin, where his mangling will never be forgotten. His Cha- 
 racter may be had of any body there. Is very smooth spoken, of 
 good address, looks like an upper Valet, and is a perfect devil at 
 his Woik. May be heard of at the Triangle in the Bird-cage Walk. 
 
 ~ TO LAUNDRESSES, WANTS A PLACE. 
 
 AN old Woman accustomed to coarse things ; and work, how- 
 ever filthy, never comes amiss. AVhere she is now they find 
 her in ruin, and she finds dishclouts ; but is leaving, being almost 
 poisoned by printers' ink. To save trouble, will have nothing 
 to do with cleaning the House. Is used to ironing, and putting 
 by, in any quantities, and never tires at hanging up. Can have 
 an undeniable Character from the Rev. Mr. Hay, and the Recorder 
 of London. 
 
STRAYED AND MISSING. 
 
 A N Infirm Elderly Gentleman in a Public Office, lately 
 left his home, just after dreadfully ill-using his wife about 
 half a Crown, and trying to beat her. He had long complained a 
 great deal of his forehead, and lately had a leech put upon him. 
 He was last seen walking swiftly towards the Horns without a 
 Crown to his hat, accompanied by some evil disposed persons, 
 who tied a great green bag to his tail full of crackers, which he 
 mistook for sweetmeats, and burnt himself dreadfully. Every 
 person he met in this deplorable condition tried to persuade him 
 to go back, but in vain. He is very deaf and very obstinate, and 
 cannot bear to be looked at or spoken to. It is supposed that he 
 has been seduced and carried off by some artful female. He 
 may be easily known by his manners. He fancies himself the 
 politest man in Europe, because he knows how to bow, and to 
 offer a pinch of snuff 5 and thinks himself the greatest man in 
 Europe, because people have humoured him and let him have 
 his own way. He is so fond of tailoring, that he lately began a 
 suit that will take him his life to complete. He delights in playing 
 at soldiers, supposes himself a cavalry officer, and makes speeches, 
 that others write for him, in a field marshal's uniform. Sometimes 
 he fancies himself ' Glorious Apollo,' plays ' Hailstones of Bruns- 
 wick' on the base fiddle, and qualifies his friends to perform 
 ' Cuckolds all on a row.' His concerns are very much deranged. 
 Not long ago he imported a vast quantity of Italian images at 
 enormous prices, upon credit, and hoarded them up in a water- 
 side cotton warehouse. Since then, things have gone all against 
 him, and he has been in a very desponding state. It is of the utmost 
 consequence to himself that he should be at his post, or he may 
 lose his place ; one of his predecessors some time ago having been 
 cashiered for his misconduct. If this should meet his eye, it is 
 earnestly requested that he will return to his duty, and he will be 
 kindly received and no questions asked. 
 
 N. B. He has not a friend in the world except the advertiser 
 and a few others, who never had an opportunity of speaking to him 
 and letting him know the real state of his affairs. 
 
PUBLIC OFFICE, LUDGATE HILL. 
 
 1st September, 1S20. 
 
 WHEREAS that well known old established Public House, (for- 
 merly a free house) called the Political House that Jack 
 BUILT, has been feloniously entered into and damaged, and the property 
 therein carried oft" to a large amount, by a numerous gang of desperate 
 Villains, who, by various vile arts and contrivances, have not only kept 
 possession thereof, but also of the Head Waiter, who was intrusted by 
 Mr, Bull, the owner, with the management of the concern, and was 
 a very promising young man when Mr. Bull first knew hira, and might 
 have done very well if he had followed the advice of his old friends, and 
 not suffered these desperadoes to get him into their clutches ; since 
 when he seems to have forgotten himself, and by neglecting his duty 
 sadly, and behaving ill to the customers who support the House, has 
 almost ruined the Business, and has also dreadfully injured the Sign, 
 which Mr. Bull had had fresh painted after he dismissed a former 
 w^aiter for his bad manners. Whoever will assist Mr. Bull in bringing 
 the offenders to Justice, will be doing a great service to the young man, 
 and he will still be retained in his situation, unless he has actually 
 destroyed or made away with the Sign, which Mr. Bull very much 
 admires, it being a heir-loom. If offered to be pawned or sold it is 
 requested the parties may be stopped, and notice given as above. As 
 the young man has not been seen for some time, there is no doubt the 
 ruffians have either done him a serious mischief, or secreted him some- 
 where to prevent Mr. Bull, who is really his friend, from speaking to him. 
 
 " What are yon at? what are you after?" 
 
 The End. 
 
 rrinlt'd by W. Hmu-, 45, Liuljjiitc HilU 
 
THE 
 
 FORM OF PRAYER, 
 
 WITH 
 
 THANKSGIVING TO ALMIGHTY GOD, 
 
 To be used daily by all devout People throughout 
 the Realm, for the Happy Deliverance of Her 
 Majesty 
 
 QUEEN CAROLINE 
 
 From the late most Traitorous Conspiracy. 
 
 Mfti) exiitiou. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 Printed for WILLTAM HONE, 45, Ludgate Hill; and 
 sold by all Booksellers in the United Kingdom. 18'iO. Price 
 Six-pence, 
 
entered at &tatm(f^ li^alL 
 
 Printed by W. Hone, 
 45, Ludgatc-UiHi Lonilon. 
 
THE ORDER FOR 
 
 DAILY PRAYER 
 
 THROUGHOUT THE YEAR. 
 
 ^ At the beginning of Morning and Evening Prayer the 
 Minister may read with a loud voice some one or more 
 of these Sentences of the Scriptures that follow. And 
 then may be said that zvhich is written after the said 
 Sentences, together with other suitable portions of the 
 usual Service. 
 
 WHEN the righteous are in authority, the people 
 rejoice: but when the wicked beareth rule, the 
 people mourn. Prov. xxix. 2. 
 
 By reason of the multitude of oppressions they make 
 the oppressed to cry : they cry out by reason of the 
 arm of the mighty. Job, xxxv. 9. 
 
 If a ruler hearken to lies, all his servants are 
 wicked. Prov. xxix. 12. 
 
 The wicked walk on every side when the vilest men 
 are exalted. Psalm xii. 8. 
 
 They are exalted for a little while, but they are 
 gone and brought low : they are taken out of the way 
 as all other, and cut off as the tops of green corn. 
 Job J xxiv. 24. 
 
 A righteous man falling down before the wicked is 
 as a troubled fountain, and a corrupt spring. Prov. 
 XXV. 26. 
 
 A wise king scattereth the wicked, and bringeth 
 the wheel over them. Prov. xx. 26. 
 
4 JTorm of llf)rai)er, 
 
 ^ Tlds Hymnfolloiving may be used; one Verse by the 
 Priest, and another by the Clerk and People. 
 
 OGIVE thanks unto the Lord, for he is gracious: 
 and his mercy endureth for ever. Psalm cv\\. 1. 
 
 Let them give thanks zvhom the Lord hath redeemed : 
 and delivered from the hand of the enemy. Verse 2. 
 
 Many a time have they fought against me from my 
 youth up. Psalm cxxix. 1. 
 
 Yeay many a time have they vexed me from my youth 
 up : but they have not prevailed against me. Verse 2. 
 
 They have privily laid their net to destroy me 
 without a cause: yea, even without a cause have they 
 made a pit for my soul. Psalm xxxv. 7. 
 
 They have laid a net for my feet y and pressed dozen my 
 sold: they have digged a pit before nie, and are fallen 
 into the midst of it themselves. Psalm Ivii. 7. 
 
 Great is our Lord, and great is his power: yea, 
 and his wisdom is infinite. PsalmcyiW\\. 5. 
 
 The Lord setteth up the meek : and bringeth the un- 
 godly down to the ground. Verse 6. 
 
 ^ Tzoo Psalms appointed in the Book of Common Prayer 
 to be said on the 29th of each month throughout the 
 year. 
 
 PSALM CXL. Eripe me, Domine. 
 
 DELIVER me, O Lord, from the evil man : and 
 preserve me from the wicked man. 
 
 2 AVho imagine mischief in their hearts: and stir 
 up strife all the day long. 
 
 3 They have sharpened their tongues like a ser- 
 pent: adders' poison is under their lips. 
 
 4 Keep me, O Lord, from the hands of the un- 
 godly : preserve me from the wicked n:jen, who are 
 purposed to overthrow my goings. 
 
5 The proud have laid a snare for me, and spread 
 a net abroad with cords : j'ea, and set traps in my 
 way. 
 
 6 I said unto the Lord, Thou art my God : hear 
 the voice of my prayers, O Lord. 
 
 7 O Lord God, thou strength of my health : thou 
 hast covered my head in the day of battle. 
 
 8 Let not the ungodly have his desire, O Lord : 
 let not his mischievous imagination prosper, lest they 
 be too proud. 
 
 9 Let the mischief of their own lips fall upon the 
 head of them : that compass me about. 
 
 10 Let hot burning coals fall upon them : let them 
 be cast into the fire, and into the pit, that they never 
 rise up again. 
 
 11 A man full of words shall not prosper upon the 
 earth : evil shall hunt the wicked person to overthrow 
 him. 
 
 12 Sure I am that the Lord will avenge the poor: 
 and maintain the cause of the helpless. 
 
 13 The righteous also shall give thanks unto thy 
 Name : and the just shall continue in thy sight. 
 
 PSALM CXLI. Domine clamavi. 
 T ORD, I call upon thee, baste thee unto me • ancl 
 "*-^ consider my voice when I cry unto thee. 
 
 2 Let my prayer be set forth in thy sight as the 
 incense : and let the lifting up of my hands be an 
 evening sacrifice. 
 
 3 Set a watch, O Lord, before my mouth : and 
 keep the door of my lips. 
 
 4 O let not mine heart be inclined to any evil 
 thing : let me not be occupied in ungodly works with 
 the men that work wickedness, lest I eat of such 
 things as please them. 
 
6 jFoinn of Prater, 
 
 5 Let the righteous rather smite me friendly : and 
 reprove me. 
 
 6 But let not their precious balms break ray head : 
 yea, 1 will pray yet against their wickedness. 
 
 7 Let their judges be overthrown in stony places : 
 that they may hear my words, for they are sweet. 
 
 8 Our bones lie scattered before the pit: like as 
 when one breaketh and heweth wood upon the earth. 
 
 9 But mine eyes look unto thee, O Lord God : in 
 thee is my trust, O cast not out my soul. 
 
 10 Keep me from the snare that they have laid for 
 me : and from the traps of the wicked doers. 
 
 11 Let the ungodly fall into their own nets toge- 
 ther: and let me ever escape them. 
 
 ^ The Suffrages may he asfolloweth. 
 Priest. O Lord, save the Queen. 
 People. Who putteth her trust in thee. 
 Priest. Send her help from thy holy place. 
 People. And evermore mightily defend her. 
 Priest. Let her enemies have no advantage against 
 her. 
 
 People. Let not the wicked approach to hurt her. 
 
 if[ After the Collects [for Peace and Deliverance from 
 our Enemies] may be said that ivhichfolloweth. 
 
 ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who of thy 
 gracious providence, and tender mercy towards 
 us, didst prevent the malice and imaginations of our 
 enemies, by discovering and confounding their horrible 
 and wicked Enterprize, plotted and intended to have 
 been executed against the Queen and the whole State 
 oi England, for the subversion of the Government 
 and Religion established among us -, and didst like- 
 wise wonderfully conduct thy Servant Queen Caroline, 
 
and bring her safely into England, and preserve us 
 from the attempts of our enemies to bereave us of our 
 rehgion and laws : We most humbly praise and mag- 
 nify thy most glorious Name for thy unspeakable 
 goodness towards us, expressed in both these acts of 
 thy mercy. Let the consideration of this thy re- 
 peated goodness, O Lord, work in us true repentance, 
 that iniquity may not be our ruin. And increase in 
 us more and more a lively faith and love, fruitful in 
 all holy obedience; that thou mayest still continue 
 thy favour, with the light of thy Gospel, to us and 
 our posterity for evermore. Amen. 
 
 % Prayer. 
 
 ALMIGHTY God, who hast in all ages shewed 
 thy Power and Mercy in the protection of 
 righteous States from the wicked conspiracies, and 
 malicious practices of all the enemies thereof: We 
 yield thee our unfeigned thanks and praise, for the 
 wonderful and mighty deliverance of our gracious 
 Queen CAROLINE, by cruel treachery appointed as 
 a sheep to the slaughter, in a most barbarous and 
 savage manner, beyond the examples of former ages. 
 From this unnatural conspiracy, not our merit, but 
 thy mercy; not our foresight, but thy providence 
 delivered us: And therefore not unto us, O Lord, 
 not unto us, but unto thy Name be ascribed all 
 honour and glory, in all Churches of the saints, from 
 generation to generation. Amen. 
 
 f Instead of the Prayer [In time of War and Tu- 
 mults] may be used this Prayer following. 
 INTERNAL God, and our most mighty Protector, 
 -■-' we thy unworthy servants do humbly present 
 ourselves before thy Majesty, acknowledging thy 
 
8 iFonu of prater, 
 
 power, wisdom, and goodness, in preserving the 
 Queen from the destruction intended against her. 
 Make us, we beseech thee, truly thankful for this, 
 and for all other thy great mercies towards us j par- 
 ticularly we bless thee for giving Her Majesty a safe 
 arrival here, and for making all opposition fall before 
 her. We beseech thee to protect and defend her 
 from all treasons and conspiracies j Preserve her in 
 thy faith, fear, and love; prosper her with long hap- 
 piness here on earth ; and crown her with everlasting 
 glory hereafter. Amen. 
 
 ^ The following may be said or simg, one Verse by the 
 Priest, another by the Clerk and People. 
 
 Grant the Queen a long life : and make her glad 
 with the joy of thy countenance. Psalm Ixi. 6. and 
 xxi. 6. 
 
 Let her dzvell before thee for ever : O prepare thy 
 loving mercy and faithfulness, that they may preserve her» 
 Psalm Ixi. 7- 
 
 In her time let the righteous flourish : and let peace 
 be in all our borders. Psalm Ixxii. ?• and cxlii. 14. 
 
 As for her eneinies, clothe them ivith shame : but upon 
 herself let her croivn flourish. Psalm cxxxii. 19- 
 ^ Also this. 
 
 Thou art the God that hast no pleasure in wicked- 
 ness: neither shall any evil dwell with thee. Psalm 
 V. 4. 
 
 Thou wilt destroy them that speak leasing : the Lord 
 abhors both the blood-thirsty and deceitful man. ver. 6. 
 
 O how suddenly do they consume : perish, and 
 come to a fearful end ! Psalm Ixxiii. 18. 
 
 Yea, even like as a dream, when one awaketh : so 
 didst thou make their image to vanish out of the city. 
 
 rer. 19. 
 
^ This Sentence may be read at the Offertory. 
 Whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, 
 do ye even so to them ; for this is the law and the 
 Prophets. 6"/. Matt. vii. 12. 
 
 ^ Also may be profitably read these Sentences. 
 
 There is a generation that are pure in their own 
 eyes, and yet is not washed from their fiithiness. 
 Prov. XXX. 12. 
 
 Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil ; 
 that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; 
 that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter ! Isaiah^ 
 V. 20. 
 
 Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites ! for 
 ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter. 
 Matt.x^m. 2.5. 
 
 But your inside is full of ravening and wickedness. 
 Lnke, xi. 39. 
 
 Woe unto you Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites ! 
 for ye are as graves which appear not, and the men 
 that walk over them are not aware of them. Luke, 
 xi. 44, 
 
 His- own iniquities shall take the wicked himself, 
 and he shall be holden with the cords of his sins. 
 Prov. V. 22. 
 
 He shall die without instruction; and in the great- 
 ness of his folly he shall go astray. Prov. v. 23. 
 
 The congregation of hypocrites shall be desolate^ 
 and fire shall consume the tabernacles of bribery. 
 Joby XV. 34. 
 
 % After the Prayer [For the whole State of Christ's 
 Church, &c.] this Collect following may be used. 
 
 ALMIGHTY God and heavenly Father, who, of 
 thine infinite and unspeakable goodness towards 
 
 B 
 
10 jForm of Prapeiv 
 
 us, didst in a most extraordinary and wonderful man- 
 ner disappoint and overthrow the wicked designs of 
 those traitorous, heady, and higli-minded men, who, 
 under the pretence of Religion and thy most holy 
 Name, had contrived, and well-nigh effected the utter 
 destruction of thy Servant CAROLINE, our beloved 
 Queen : as we do this day most heartily and devoutly 
 adore and magnify thy glorious Name for this thine 
 infinite goodness already vouchsafed to usj so do we 
 most humbly beseech thee to continue thy grace and 
 favour towards us, that no such dismal calamity may 
 ever again fall upon us. Infatuate and defeat all the 
 secret counsels of deceitful and wicked men against 
 us. Abate their pride, asswage their malice, and 
 confound their devices. With judgment and justice 
 cut off all such workers of iniquity, as turn Religion 
 into Rebellion, and Faith into Faction ; that they 
 may never prevail against us, nor triumph in the 
 ruin of the Monarchy. Protect and defend Her Ma- 
 jesty from all treasons and conspiracies. Be unto her 
 an helmet of salvation, and a strong tower of defence 
 against the face of all her enemies ; clothe them with 
 shame and confusion, but let Her for ever flourish. 
 So we thy people, and the sheep of thy pasture, will 
 give thee thanks for ever, and will always be shewing 
 forth thy praise from generation to generation. — 
 A?ne?i. 
 ^[ Or there may be sting or said this Hymn following : 
 
 one Verse by the Priest, and another by the Clerk 
 
 and people. 
 
 MY song shall be alway of the loving kindness of 
 the Lord : with my mouth will I ever be shew- 
 ing forth his truth from one generation to another. 
 Psahi Ixiixix. L 
 
The merciful and gracious Lord hath so done his 
 marvellous works : that they ought to be had in remem- 
 brance. Psahn cxi. 4. 
 
 Who can express th€ noble acts of the Lord : or 
 shew forth all his praise? Psalm cvi. 2. 
 
 The works of the Lord are great : sought out of all 
 them that have pleasure therein. Psalm cxi. 2. 
 
 The Lord setteth up the meek : and bringeth the 
 Kngodiy down to the ground. Psalm cxlvii. 6. 
 
 The Lord executeth righteousness and judgment x for 
 all them that are oppressed with zvrong. Psalm ciii. 6. 
 
 ^ This Colled may likewise be used. 
 
 £^ ALMIGHTY God, who art a strong tower of 
 ^^ defence unto thy servants against the face of 
 their enemies; We yield thee praise and thanksgiving 
 for the wonderful deliverance of these kingdoms from 
 the GREAT CONSPIRACY, and all the Miseries 
 and Oppressijons consequent thereupon. We acknow- 
 ledge it thy gt)odness, that we are not utterly deli- 
 vered over as a prey unto our enemies; beseeching 
 thee still to continue such thy mercy towards us, that 
 all the world may know that thou art our Saviour and 
 mighty deliverer. Amen. 
 
 % After the Prayer fur the King^ the Priest may say 
 
 thus. 
 
 Live joyfully with the wife whom thou lovest all 
 the days of thy vanity, which he hath given thee 
 under the sun, all the days of thy vanity : for that is 
 thy portion in this life, and in thy labour which thou 
 takest under the sun. Led. ix. 9. 
 
 So ought men to love their wives as their owh 
 bodies. He that loveth his wife, loveth himself. Eph. 
 V. 28. 
 
12 Mtm 0f Praper, 
 
 Let every one of you in particular so love his wife 
 even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence 
 her husband. Eph. v. 33. 
 
 It hath been said, whoever shall put away his wife, 
 let him give her a writing of divorcement : 
 
 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away 
 his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth 
 her to commit adultery. Matt. v. 31, S2. 
 ^ llie Collect for God's protection of the Queen against 
 all her enemies. 
 
 MOST gracious God, we most humbly beseech 
 thee to protect thy Servant CAROLINE, our 
 beloved Queen, from all the dangers to which she may 
 be exposed ; Hide her from the gatliering together 
 of the fro ward, and from the insurrection of wicked 
 doers ; Do thou weaken the hands, blast the designs, 
 and defeat the enterprizes of all her enemies; that no 
 secret conspiracies, nor open violences, may disquiet 
 her J but that, being safely kept under the shadow of 
 thy wing, and supported by thy power, she may tri- 
 umph over all opposition ; that so the world may 
 acknowledge thee to be her Defender and mighty 
 Deliverer in all difilculties and adversities. Amen. 
 
 ^ This may also be said. 
 f~\ LORD God of our salvation, who hast been ex- 
 ^-^ ceedingly gracious unto this land, and by thy 
 miraculous providence didst deliver us out of our 
 miseraide confusion ; by restoring to us, and to her 
 own just and undoubted rights, our most gracious 
 Queen CAROLINE, notwithstanding all the power 
 and malice of her enemies ; and to the great comfort 
 and joy of our hearts: We are here now before thee, 
 with all due thankfulness, to acknowledge tliine un- 
 speakable goodness herein, and to offer unto thee our 
 
sacrifice of praise for the same; we beseech thee to 
 bless the Queen with all increase of grace, honour 
 and happiness, in this world, and to crown her with 
 immortality and glory in the world to come. Amen. 
 
 ^ Versicles. 
 
 As snow in summer, and as rain in harvest, so ho- 
 nour is not seemly for a fool. P?'ov. xxvi. 1. 
 
 The wicked are like the troubled sea, when it can- 
 not rest, whose waters cast up mire and dirt. Isa. Ivii. 
 
 29. 
 
 Take away the wicked from before the king, and 
 his throne shall be established in righteousness. Prov, 
 XXV. 5. 
 
 When it goeth well with the righteous, the city 
 rejoiceth : and when the wicked perish, there is 
 shouting. Prov. xi. 10. 
 
 A false witness shall not be unpunished, and he 
 that speaketh lies shall not escape. Prov. ix. 5. 
 
 Great men are not always wise : neither do the 
 aged understand judgment. /o6, xxxii. 9. 
 
 For the transgression of a land, many are the princes 
 thereof: but by a man of understanding and knovy- 
 ledge, the state thereof shall be prolonged. Prov. 
 xxviii. 2. 
 
 As a roaring lion, and a ranging bear; so is a 
 wicked ruler over the poor people. Prov. xxviii. 15. 
 
 Better is a poor and a wise child than an old and 
 foolish king, who will no more be admonished. Ecd. 
 iv. 13. 
 
 His bones are full of the sins of his youth, which 
 shall lie down with him in the dust. Job^ xx. 11. 
 
 Be wise now therefore O ye kings; be instructed 
 ye judges of the earth. Psalm ii. 10. 
 
PSALMS FROM THE NEW VERSION, 
 
 By N. BRADY, D. D. and N. TATE, Esq. 
 
 I. (Psalm 6.) 
 jLJ AVE luercy, Lord, for I grow faint, unable to endure 
 
 The anguish ot my aciiing bones, 
 
 2 Quite tir'd willi pain, with groaning faint, 
 The niglit, that quiets tonimon griefs, 
 
 3 My beauty fades, my sight grows dim, 
 Old age overtakes me, whilst 1 think 
 
 which thou alone canst cure, 
 no hope of ease I see ; 
 is spent in tears by me. 
 niy eyes with weakness close ; 
 oil my insulting foes. 
 
 II. (Psalm 7.) 
 
 TPO save nic from my threat'ning foe, 
 Lest, like a savage lion, he 
 
 2 If I am tiiiilty, or did e'er 
 Nay, if I h<ive not spar'd his life, 
 
 3 Let I lieu to peisecutiug foes 
 
 Let ihem to earth tre<id down my life, 
 
 4 Impartial Jmlge of all the world, 
 Accordint; to uiy just deserts, 
 
 5 Let wicked arts and wicked men 
 
 But guard the just, thou God, to whom 
 
 Lord, interpose thy pow'r ; 
 my helpless soul devour, 
 against bis peace combine ; 
 •who sought unjustly mine ; 
 niy soul beconte a prey ; 
 in dust my honour lay. 
 I trust n)y cause to thee ; 
 so let thy sentence be. 
 together be o'erlhrown ; 
 the hearts of both are known. 
 
 T ORD, who's ll:e happy man that may 
 Not, sti anger-like, to visit them, 
 
 2 'Tis he, whose ev'ry thought and deed 
 Whose geu'rous tongue disdains to speak 
 
 3 Who iievei did a slander forge 
 Nor heiirkei) to a false leport, 
 
 4 Who vii e in all its pomp and power 
 And piety, though cloth'd in rags, 
 
 5 Who 10 his plighted vows and trust 
 And, though he promise to his loss, 
 
 6 Whose soul in usury disditins 
 Whom no rewards can ever bribe 
 
 7 The man, who by this steaiy coiuse 
 
 III. {Psalm 15.) 
 
 to thy blest courts repair? 
 
 but to inhabit there? 
 
 by rides of virtue moves ; 
 
 the thing his heart disproves. 
 
 bis neighboui's tame to wound, 
 
 by malice wiiisper d round. 
 
 can treat with just neglect; 
 
 religiously respect, 
 
 has ever firndy stood ; 
 
 be makes his promise good. 
 
 bis treasure to employ ; 
 
 the guiltless to destroy. 
 
 has happiness ensur'd, 
 
 When earth's foundation shakes, shall stand, by Providence secur'd. 
 
 IV. (Psalm 
 nPHAT I may still, in spite of wrongs. 
 Lord, guide me in thy lighteous ways, 
 
 2 Oh! keep me in thy tend'rest care ; 
 To guard me safe from savage foes, 
 
 3 O'ergrown with luxury, inclosed 
 And with a proud blaspheming mouth 
 
 4 Well may they boast, for they have now 
 Their eyes at watch, their bodies bow'd, 
 
 5 In posture of a lion set. 
 
 Or a young lion, when he lurks 
 
 6 Arise, O Lord, defeat their plots. 
 From wicked men, who are thy sword, 
 
 7 From worldly men, thy sharpest scourge, 
 Who, filld with earthly stores, desire 
 
 8 Their race is nimi'rons that partake 
 Their heirs survive, to whom they may 
 
 17.; 
 
 my innocence secure ; 
 and make my footsteps sure, 
 thy shelt'ring wings stretch out, 
 that compass me about 
 in their own fat they lie ; 
 both God and man defy, 
 my paths encompass'd round ; 
 and couching on the ground, 
 when greedy of his prey ; 
 within a covert way. ^ 
 their swelling rage control ; 
 deliver thou my sold, 
 whose portion's here below ; 
 wo other bliss to know ; 
 their substance while they live : 
 the vast remainder give. 
 
V. (Psdm 35.) 
 
 T7ALSE witnesses, with for»'d complaints, asiaiiist my truth combin'd, 
 
 And to my charge such things they laid as I had ne'er deeign'd. 
 
 2 The good which I to them had done, witli evil tiiey repaid ; 
 And did, by malice undeserv'd, my harmless life invade. 
 
 3 ScoflFcrs, that noble tables haunt, and earn their bread with lies, 
 Did gnash their teeth, and sland'rous jests maliciously devise. 
 
 4 Lord, as my heart has upright been, let me thy justice find ; 
 Nor let my cruel foes obtain the triumph they design'd. 
 
 5 O let them not amongst themselves, in boasting language say, 
 
 " At length o!ir wishes are complete, at last she's made our prey." 
 
 6 Let such as in my harm rejoic'd for shame their faces hide ; 
 And foul dishonour wait on those that proudly me defy'd. 
 
 \l. (Psalm 36.) 
 T\/T Y crafty foe, with flatt'ring art, his wicked purpose would disguise; 
 
 But reason whispers to my heart, he ne'er sets God before his eyes. 
 
 2 He soothes himself, retir'd from sight, secure he thinks his treach'rous game; 
 Till his dark plots, expos'd to light, their false contriver brand with shame. 
 
 3 In deeds he is my foe confess'd, whilst with his tongue he speaks me fair; 
 True wisdom's banish'd from his breast, and vice has sole dominion there. 
 
 4 His wakeful malice spends the night in forging his accurst designs ; 
 His obstinate nngen'rous spite no execrable means declines. 
 
 5 But, Lord, thy mercy, my sure hope, above the heav'nly orb ascends ; 
 Thy sacred truth's unmeasur'd scope beyond the spreadingsky extends. 
 
 C Thy justice, like the hills, remains ; nnfathom'd depths thyjudgments are ; 
 Thy providence the world sustains ; the whole creation is thy care. 
 
 Vn. (Psulm 58.) 
 
 CPEAK, O ye judges of the earth, if just your sentence be ; 
 
 Or, must not innocence appeal to heav'n from your decree? 
 
 2 Your wicked hearts and judgments are alike by malice sway'd ; 
 Your griping hands, by weighty bribes, to violence betray'd. 
 
 3 Defeat, O God, their threat'ning rage, and timely break their pow'r; 
 Disarm these growling lions' jaws, e'er practis'd to devour. 
 
 4 Let now their insolence, at height, like ebbing tides be spent : 
 Their shiver'd darts dec&ive their aim, when they their bow have bent. 
 
 5 Like snails let them dissolve to slime ; like hasty births become. 
 Unworthy to behold the sun, and dead within the womb. 
 
 VIIL (Psalm 18.; 
 ■y/V/'HEN God arose to take my part, the conscious earth did quake for fear ; 
 From their firm posts the hills did start, nor could his dreadful fury bear. 
 
 2 Thro' heav'n's wide arch a thnnd'ring peal God's angry voice did loudly roar ; 
 While earth's sad face with heaps of hail, and flakes of fire, was cover'd o'er. 
 
 3 His sharpen'd arrows round he threw, which made his scatter'd foes retreat ; 
 Like darts his nimble lightning flew, and quickly finished their defeat. 
 
 4 The Lord did on my side engage, from heav'n, his throne, my cause upheld ; 
 And snatch'd me from thefurious rage of threat'ning waves tliat proudly swell'd. 
 
 5 God his resistless pow'r employ'd, my strongest foes' attempts to break; 
 Who else with case had soon destroy'd the weak defence that 1 could make. 
 
 6 Their subtle rage had near prevail'd, when I distress'd and friendless lay; 
 But still, when other succours fail'd God was my firm support and stay. 
 
 7 From dangers that inclos'd me round, he brought me forth and set me free; 
 For some just tause his goodness found, that mov'd him to delight in me. 
 
 8 Because in me no guilt remains, God does his gracions help extend ; 
 My hands are free from bloody stains, therefore the Lord is still my friend, 
 
 9 For I his judgments kept in sight, in his just paths I always trod; 
 
 I never did his statutes slight, nor loosely wander'd from my God. 
 
10 But still my soul, siucpre and pure, did eVn from darling sins retViiiu ; 
 His Cavuurs, tlieieture, yet endure, btecauae my heart aud hundB are clean. 
 
 IX. 
 
 (Psalm 14G.) 
 "yHEE I'll extol my God and Kinjr, thy endless praise procluim ; 
 This tribute daily I will bring, aud ever bless thy name. 
 (Psalm 147 .J 
 Greac is the Lord and great his power ; his wisdom has no bound : 
 The meek he raises, and throws down the wicked to the ground. 
 
 (Psalm \iH.) 
 Ye boundless realms of joy, exalt your maker's fame, 
 His praise your song empioy above the starry frame : 
 Your voices raise, 
 Ye clierubim and seraphim, to sing his praise. 
 Let all of royal birth, with those of humbler fame, 
 
 Aud judges of the earth, bis matchless praise proclaim. 
 
 In this design 
 Let youth, with maids, and hoary heads, with children, join. 
 
 Hallelujah ! 
 
 Finis. 
 
 Reader, 
 
 It seemeth meet to acquaint thee that the foregoing 
 Form of Prayer zvith Thanksgiving to be used Daily for 
 Her Majesty, hath been wholly compiled from Scripture, 
 and from certain Services and Forms appointed in the 
 Book of Common Prayer : viz. The Services for 
 Morning and Evening Prayer ; the Form for the Day 
 of the Martyrdo7n of the blessed King Charles I. ; tht 
 Form for the Restoration of His most religious and 
 gracious Son, King Charles II.; and the Form for the 
 Day zvhereon the Church as by Law established annually 
 celebrates the overthrow of the Tyranny exercised by 
 His Most Sacred Majesty King James II. and th6 
 success of the Glorious Principles zvhereby His said 
 Majesty was providentially dethroned, and the Revolution 
 of 1688 happily effected. 
 
 Farewell. 
 
 Printed by William Hone, 
 45, Ludgate Hlli. 
 
THE 
 
 POLITICAL SHOWMAN_AT HOME ! 
 
 EXHIBITING HIS CABINET OF CURIOSITIES AND 
 
 Creatures— Sill m\it .' 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF THE 
 
 POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
 I lighted on a certain place where was a Den." 
 
 Buvyan. 
 
 WITH TWENTY-FOUR CUTS. 
 
 The putrid and mouldering carcase of exploded Legitimacy." 
 
 Mr. Lambton. 
 
 S)tyteenti) etritton> 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED FOR WILLIAM HONE, 45, LUDGATE-HILL. 
 
 1821. 
 
 ONE SHILLING. 
 
rnniPvJ by W. lIoDP. 
 45, L\idgat»Hll\. I»udoc. 
 
THE PRESS, invented much about the same time vith the Reformation, hath done more 
 mischief to the discipline of our Churcli, than all the doctrine can make amends for. 'Twas an 
 happy time, when all learning was in manuscript, and some little officer did keeo the keys of 
 the library ! Now, since PRINTING came into the world, such is the mischief, that a man can- 
 not write a hook but presently he is answered! There have been ways found out iofine not 
 the people, but even the grounds and fields where they assembled: but no art yet could pre- 
 vent these SEDITIOUS MEETINGS OF LETTERS ! Two or three brawny fellows in a corocr 
 \rithmeer ink and elbow-grease, do more harm than an hundred systematic divines. Their uely 
 printing fetters, that look but like so many rotten teeth, how oft have they been pulled out by the 
 public tooth- drawers! And yet these rascally operators of the press have got a trick to fasten 
 them again in a few minutes, that they grow as firm a set, and as biting and talkative as ever! 
 O PRINTING! how hast thou" disturbed the peace!" Lead, when moulded into bullets is 
 not 80 mortal as when founded into letters! There was a mistake sure in the story of Cadmus- 
 and the serpent's teeth which he sowed, were nothing else but the letters which he invented. 
 
 Marcell's Rehearsal transprosed, 4to, 1672. 
 
 Being marked only with four and twenty letters,— variously transposed by the help of 
 a PRINTING PRESS,— PAPER works miracles. The Devil dares no more come near 
 a Stationcr't heap, or a Printer's Office, than Rati dare put their noses into a Cheesemonger's 
 Shop. A Whip for the Devil, iSfig. p. 92. 
 
 THE SHOWMAN. 
 
 Lapies and Gentlemen, 
 
 Walk up I walk up ! and see the CuRiosiTiES and 
 
Creatures — all alive ! alive O ! Walk up ! — now's your 
 time ! — otili/ a shilling. Please to walk up ! 
 
 Here is the strangest and most wonderful artificial 
 Cabinet in Europe! — madeof NOTHiNG^but lacker* d brass ^ 
 turnery y and papier mache — all fret uork and varnish, held 
 together by steel points ! — very crazy, but very curious ! 
 
 Please to walk in, Ladies and Gentlemen — it's well worth 
 seeing! Here are the most wonderful of all wonderful Livr 
 ING Animals. 'J ake care ! Don't go within their reach — 
 they mind nobody but me ! A short time ago they got loose, 
 and, with some other vermin that came from their holes and 
 corners, desperately attacked a Lady of Quality; but, as 
 luck would have it, 7, and my 'four and twenty men^ happened 
 to come in at the very moment; — we '- pulVd' away, and pre- 
 vented 'em from doing her a serious mischief. Though they 
 look tame, their vicious dispositions are unchanged. If any 
 thing was to happen to me, they'd soon break out again, and 
 shew their natural ferocity, i'm in continual danger from 'em 
 myself — for if I didn't watch 'em closely they'd destroy me. 
 As the clown says, * there never was such tioies,' — so there's 
 no telling what tricks they may play yet. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, — these animals have been exhibited 
 at Court, before the King, and all the Royal Family ! Indeed 
 His Majesty is so fond of 'em that he often sees 'em in pri' 
 vate, and feeds 'em ; and he is so diverted by 'em that he has 
 been pleased to express his gracious approbation of all their 
 motions. But they're as cunning as the old one himself! Bless 
 you, he does not know a thousandth part of their tricks. You, 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, may see 'em just as they are! — the 
 Beasts and Reptiles— all alive! alive O! and the Big 
 Booby — all a-light ! a-light O ! 
 
 Walk in. Ladies and Gentlemen ! walk in ! ji^ist a-going to 
 Ijegin.. Stir 'em up ! Stir 'era up there with the long pole ! 
 
 Before I describe the Animals, please to look at the 
 Siiow-Cloth opposite g^ 
 
 The Curiosities have lalels under them, which the com- 
 pany can read. 
 
COURT VERMIN that buzz round 
 
 And fly-blow the Kiug's car; make him suspect 
 
 His wisest, faithfullest, best counsellors — 
 
 Who, for themselves and their dependants, seize 
 
 AH places, and all profits; and who wrest. 
 
 To tlieir own ends, the statutes of the land, 
 
 Or safely break them. Souther's Joan of Arc. b, i. 
 
 U ^])e^t tttatmi^ ^ecc not to tu])C b^ to corecte otot mancrsJ 
 anb amentie our fpupnge. 
 
 Dialoges of Creatures Moralysed. Prologe. 
 
 To exalt virtue, expose vice, promote truth, and help men to serious reflection, is my first 
 moving cause and last directed end. De Foe's Review, Jto,, 1705, Preface. 
 
 Oh that I dared 
 
 To basket up the family of plagues 
 That waste our vitals; peculation, sale 
 Of honour, perjury, corruption, fraud* 
 By forgery, by subterfuge of law. 
 
 By tricks and lies 
 
 Then cast them, closely bundled, every brat 
 
 At tl>e right door! Cm'per. 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 All tiie Drawings are by Mr. George Cruikshank. 
 
" JUGLATOR REGIS." Strutt's 9p(nis, 188. 
 
 — ■ a most officious Drudge, 
 
 His face and gown drawn out with the same budge, 
 
 His pendant Pouch, which is both large and wide, * 
 
 Looks like a Letters-patent : 
 
 He is as auful, as he had been sent 
 
 From Moses with the eleventh commandement. 
 
 Bp. Corbet's Poems, 1072, p. 3. 
 He begins his DECISION by saying, Having had DOUBTS upon this for twenty years. 
 
 Maddock's Chancery Practice, Pref. ix. 
 He is like a tight-rope dancer, who, whenever he leans on one side, counteracts his position 
 by a conespondiDg declination on the otheY, and, by this means, keeps himself in a most 
 leif-satisfied equipoise. Retrospective Review, No. V. p. 115. 
 
 Trust not the cunning waters of his eyes : — 
 His eyes drop millstones. Shakspeare. 
 
 BAGS. — fa Scruple Balance. J 
 
 'tis the veriest madness, to live poor. 
 
 And die with Bags Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. xiv. 
 
 DuBius is such a scrupulous good man — 
 Yes — you may catch him tripping, if you can ! 
 He would not, with a peremptory tone, 
 Assert the nose upon his face his own. 
 With HESITATION, admirably slow, 
 He humbly hopes — presumes — it may be so. 
 Through constant dread of giving truth offence, 
 He ties up all his hearers in suspense! 
 His sole opinion, whatsoe'er befall, 
 Cent'ring, at last, in having — none at all. 
 
 Cowper. 
 
 Well! he is a nimble gentleman; set him upon Baxkes, 
 his horse, in a saddle rampant, and it is a great question, which 
 part of the Centaur shews better tricks. 
 
 Ckvcland't Poemt, 1655, p. IBS 
 
By some the Crocodile is classed among fishes. A person bom under this Zodiacal Sign, (Pisces), 
 shall ' be a mocker and shall be covetmis, he will say one thing and doe another, he shall find 
 money, he will trust in his sapience, and shall have good fortune, he shall be a defender of 
 Orphtlins and widdowes, and shall live Ixxiii year and v months after nature.' 
 
 Shepheard's Kalender, 1497. c. liii. 
 Pitty not him, but fear thyself. 
 Though thou see the crafty elfe 
 Tell down his silver-drops unto thee, 
 They're counterfit, and will undoe thee. Crashaw's Poems, I670, p. 1 12- 
 
 A CROCODILE. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 I begin the Exhibition with the Crocodile, which is 
 of the Lizard tribe ; yet, from his facility/ of creeping through 
 narrow and intricate wai/s, he has been classed among Ser- 
 pents.* He has a monstrous appetite, his swallow is im- 
 mense, and his legs are placed side-ways. It is a vulgar 
 error to suppose that he cannot turn ; for, although he is 
 in appearance very heavy, and his back is very strong, and 
 proof against the hardest blows, yet he is so pliable, that 
 he can wheel round with the utmost facility. When in his 
 HAUNT, and apparently torpid, he sometimes utters a piteous 
 whine of distress — almost human ; sheds tears, and, attracting 
 the unwary, suddenly darts upon a man, and gorges him 
 with all he has. His claws are very long and tenacious. If 
 a victim eludes his grasp, he infallibly secures him by his 
 fleet power. He is sometimes used for purposes of state 
 and show, and his bags are much coveted for their peculiar 
 qualities, t 
 
 • By Lioneeus. 
 
 t Goldsmith's Animated Nature, v. !83. 
 
Above the steeple shines a plate. 
 That turns, and turns, to indicate 
 From what point blows the weather ; 
 
 Look up. Couiper. 
 
 Having by much dress, and secrecy, and dissimulation, as it were periviigged* his siu, and 
 covered his shame, lie looks afler no other innocence but concealment. 
 
 Bp. South's Sermont. 
 
 A MASK. — fan Incrustation — aRelique.) 
 
 A shallow brain behind a serious maik. 
 An oracle within an empty cask, 
 
 A solemn fop. 
 
 A sooty Film. 
 
 Cottrper. 
 
 The Thing on Earth 
 
 Least qualified in honour, learning, worth, 
 
 To occupy a sacred, awful post, 
 
 In which the best and worthiest tremble most. 
 
 The noYAL letters are a thing of course, 
 
 A King, that would, might recommend his horse; 
 
 And deans, no doubt, and chapters, with one voice, 
 
 As bound in duty, would confirm the choice. 
 
 *********** 
 
 A piece of mere Church-furniture at best. 
 
 Cowpcr, 
 • There is a similarity, amounting almost to absolute identity, in the two Greek words that 
 signify an Impostor aud a Pa-iwis'.— 
 
 <i>iva,^-a.iio<i — Impostor. 
 
 <l)EV«x>) — Pcrixvig. 
 
 Hederlci Lexicon, 
 
There are a number of us creep 
 Into this world, to eat and sleep ; 
 And know no reason why they're born. 
 But merely to consume the corn. 
 
 Watts on Hor. L. i. Ep. ii. 27. 
 
 Very grievous were they ; before them there were no such locusts as they, neither after them 
 shall be such; for they covered the face of the whole earth, so that the land was darkened. 
 
 Ejcodus, X. 11, 15. 
 
 THE LOCUST. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 The Locust is a destructive insect, of the Grill us 
 tribe. They are so numerous, and so rapacious, that they 
 may be compared to an army, pursuing its march to devour 
 the fruits of the earth, as an instrument of divine displeasure 
 towards a devoted country. They have leaders, who direct 
 their motions in preying on the labours of man in fertile 
 regions. No insect is more formidable in places where 
 they breed : for they wither whatever they touch. It is im- 
 possible to recount the terrible devastations which historians 
 and travellers relate that they have committed at different 
 times, in various parts of the world. Many are so venomous^ 
 that persons handling them are immediately stung, and seized 
 with shivering and trembling ; but it has been discovered 
 that, in most cases, their hateful qualities are completely 
 assuaged hy palm oil.* 
 
 • Goldsmith, vi. 21. 
 
It preysupon and destroys itself with its own poison. It is of so malignant and ruinouia 
 nature, that it ruins itself with the rest; and with rage mangles and tears itself to pieces; 
 
 Montaigne, v. 3. c. xi. 
 
 A SCORPION. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 The Scorpion is a reptile that resembles the co7?2mon 
 lobster, but is much more hideous. They are very terrible to 
 mankind, on account of their size and malignity, and their 
 large crooked stings. They often assault and kill people in 
 their houses. In Italy, and some other parts of Europe, 
 they are the greatest pests of mankind ; but their venom is 
 most dreadful in the East. An inferior species sally forth at 
 certain seasons, in battalions; — scale houses that stand in the 
 way of their march ; — wind along the course of rivers; — and 
 on their retreat entrench themselves. Scorpions are so iras- 
 cible, that they will attempt to sting a constable's staff; yet 
 even a harmless little mouse* destroyed three of them, one 
 after the other, by acting on the defensive, survived their 
 venomous wounds, and seemed pleased with its victory. 
 When in a confined space, they exert all their rage against 
 each other, and there is nothing to be seen but universal 
 carnage. If this mutual destruction did not prevail, they 
 would multiply so fast as to render some countries uninhabit- 
 able, f 
 
 • Confined for the si»ke of experiment in a vessel, by Mauper tuis. t Goldsmith, v. 428. 
 
THE LOBSTER. 
 
 — ■ they preferre 
 
 Broiles before Rest, and place their Peace in Warre, 
 
 DuBarttu, Ito. 151. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 The Lobster is very similar to the scorpion. It is 
 armed with two great claws, by the help of which it moves 
 itself forwards . They entrench themselves in places that can 
 be easily defended, where they acquire defensive and offensive 
 armour. They issue forth from their fortresses in hope of 
 plunder^ and to surprise such inadvertent and weak animals 
 as come within their reach. They have little to apprehend 
 except from each other, the more powerful being formidable 
 enemies to the weaker. They sometimes continue in the same 
 habitations for a long time together; in general they get nezi) 
 coats once a year. When in hot water they make a great noise, 
 attack any one that puts a hand towards them, and know- 
 ing their danger, use violent efforts to escape. In a sufficient 
 heat they change their colours.* 
 
 • Goldsmith, v, l63. 
 
^•'•^^^ 
 
 with huge fat places stored, 
 
 A prop that helps to shoulder up the state. 
 
 Tom of Bedlam, folio. 1701. p. i. 
 
 a Crutch that helps the weak along, 
 
 Supports the_f£e6k— but retards the strong. Smith. 
 
 He knows not what it is to feel witliin 
 
 A compreheusive faculty, that grasps 
 
 Great purposes with ease, that turns aud wields, 
 
 Almost witliout an effort, plans too vast 
 
 For his conception, which he cannot move. Cowper. 
 
 One of that class of individuals of but moderate talents, who by habitual exercise of their facul- 
 ties are enabled to figure in the world by mere imitation; to become learned moralists, jurists, 
 and theologians; to go through the ceremonies of professional life with an imposing gravity and 
 regularity, and to run round the mill-horse circle of routine with a scrupulous precision. 
 
 Sir C. Morgan's Phil, of life, 370. 
 
 A PRIME CRUTCH — 
 
 (From the Westminster Infirmary — Upper Ward). 
 
 He fondly ' imitates' that wondrous Lad, 
 
 That durst assay the sun's bright flaming team ; 
 Spite of whose feeble hands, the horses mad 
 
 Fling down on burning earth the scorching beam ; — 
 So MADE thejlame in which himself was Jived ; 
 The World the bonfire was — when he expired!* 
 Like HIM of Ephesus, he had what he desired. 
 
 Fletcher's Puiple Island. 
 
 * The * Lad* died in the midst of war, ejaculating heaven to save the country 
 from the miseries of his system of misrule. 
 
I don't thiuk myself obliged to play tricks with my own neck, by putting it under his feet, 
 to inform myself whether he wears sparrow-bilU in his shoes or no. AsgiWs Defence, 1712, P- 15. 
 
 THE OPOSSUM. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 This is a quick climbing animal ; but is, in other 
 respects, heaxiy and helpless. When it is pursued on level 
 ground and overtaken, it feigns itself dead, to deceive the 
 hunters. A faculty in its seat, enables it to suspend itself 
 from a high branch, by that part, for a long time together; and, 
 in this position, vt^atching for whatever is weak that comes 
 within its reach, it falls upon it and usually destroys it. Hy 
 this elevating power in its tiether end, it not only seizes its 
 prey more securely, bi.i preserves itself from pursuers ; look- 
 ing down on them, in a sort of upright position, heels up- 
 wards. It is very domesticated, but proves a disagreeable 
 inmate, from its scent; which, however fragrant in *ma// quan- 
 tities, is uniformly ungrateful when copiously supplied. It is 
 a BOHOUGHiNG creature.* 
 
 * Goldsmith, iii. 322, Stedmau's Surinam. Sbaw's Zoology. 
 
Full of business, bustle, and chicanery; Dibdin's Bibl. Decam, iii. 301. 
 
 An odious and vile kind of creatures that fly about the House ; B. Joruon^s Diacov. 
 
 They seem — descending', at some direful blow, 
 
 To nibble brinutone in the realms below ! Salmagundi, 13g. 
 
 Suppose one to be " boring" ou one side for two hours, and his op(.'Oiie'it to be " bothering" 
 for a like period on the other side, what must be the consequence? 
 
 Sir Jos. Yorke, in H. of Com. March 30, 1821. 
 
 Of torrent tongue, and never blushing face ; 
 
 Knaves, who, in truth's despite. 
 
 Can white to black transform, and black to white! 
 
 Gifford's Juvenal, Sat. iii. 
 
 Wheu they were fewer, men might havp had a Lordship safely conveyed to them in a piece of 
 parchment no bigger than your hand, though several sheets will not do it safely in this wiser age. 
 
 IVallon's Angler, (4to. Bagster) gs. 
 
 They'll argue as confidently as if they spoke gospel instead of law ; tlicv'll cite you six hundred 
 several Precedents, though not one of them come near to the casein hand; they'll muster up the 
 authority of Judgments, Deeds, Glosses, and Reports, and tumble over so many dusry Records, 
 that they make their employ, though iu itself easy, the greatest slavery imaginable; always ac. 
 counting tliat tlie best plea which they have took most pains for. Erasmus of Folly, 96. 
 
 In otlier countries, they make laws upon laws and add precepts upon precepts, till the endless 
 number of them makes the fundamental part to be forgotten ; leaving nothing but a confused 
 lieap of explanations, which may cause ignorant people to doubt whether tliere is really any 
 thing meant by the laws or not. Bp. Berkeley's Oaudenlio di Lucca, I66. 
 
 In the country of the Furr'd Lau-cats, they gripe all, derour all, couskite all, burn all, draw 
 all, hang all, quarter all, behead all, murder all, imprison all, waste all, and ruin .-ill, without 
 the least notice of right or wrong : for among them vice is called virtue ; wickedness, piety ; trea- 
 son, loyally ; lobhery, justice: Plunder is iheir motto; and all this they do, because they dare. 
 ~ Gripe-menall, the Chief of the Furr'd Law-cats, said to Pautagruel ' Our Laws are like 
 1 obwebs ; your silly little flies are stopt, caught, and destroy'd therein, but your stronger ones 
 break them, and force and carry them which way they please. Don't think wc are so mad as 
 to set up our nets to snap up your^eat Robbers and tyrants : no, they are somewhat too hard 
 for ui, tliere's no u^eddling with tliem; for they will make no more of us, thau we make of the 
 little ones.'— Rabelais, b. v. c. r\. xii. 
 
BLACK RATS.— fSlufed.J 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 These are most pernicious animals. They bo- 
 KOUGH, and prey on our food, drink, clothing, furniture, 
 live-stock, and every convenience of life ; furnishing their 
 residences with the plunder of our property. They have 
 particular haunts, to which they entice each other in large 
 numbers, for the sake of prey,- where they often do incre- 
 dible damage to our mounds, and undermine the strongest 
 embankments. Sometimes they hoard their plunder in nests, 
 that they make at a distance from their usual places of congre- 
 gating.* They are very bold and fierce. Instead of waiting 
 for an attack, they usually become the aggressors, and, seizing 
 their adversaries hy the lips, inflict dangerous, and even deadly 
 wounds. While they subsist on our industry, and increase 
 our terrors, they make no grateful returns, and, therefore, 
 mankind have studied various ways for diminishing their 
 numbers ; but their cunning discovers the most distant dan- 
 ger, and if any are disturbed or attacked, in an unusual man- 
 ner, the rest take the alarm, and, becoming exceedingly shy, 
 and wary, elude the most ingenious devices of their pursuers. 
 When, unhappily, you come in contact with one of these 
 vermin, the best way of dispatching it is by a single squeeze ; 
 but novices who hesitate, are sure to prove sufferers. They 
 have been found on a bench, so interwoven by their tails, 
 that bi/ reason of their entanglement, they could not part.f 
 A DEAD RAT, bi/ altering the look of his head and the ap- 
 pearance of his skin, may be transformed into the appearance 
 of a much more powerful animal; and this. Ladies and 
 Gentlemen, has been considered a master piece in cheating.^ 
 
 • White's Selborne,4to. 75. t Letters from Bodleian Library, i. 12, 
 
 X Ibid.ii, 160, note. See also Ooldsmith, iii. i5g. 
 
 A bait, sncti wretches to beguile. 
 C 
 
 Spenser. 
 
Cadger, n. s. A Law Character. 
 One of 
 " The blessiugs of this most indebted land." 
 
 • • • 
 Useless in Lim alike both braia and speech. 
 Fate having plac'd all truth above his reach. 
 
 Pierce Egan. 
 
 Cotrper. 
 
 A most damnable swearer and inventor of new oaths. A tongae-libelling lad of the sea— lie 
 matters not the truth of any thing he speaks; but is prone to fasten his stings in the reputatioo 
 of those that would scorn to be like him. I wonder to see this unquiet disposition in a brute crea- 
 ture—a Swill-tub, Pell't Improvement of the Sea, I6g5, p. 101, et ttq. 
 
 A CADGE ANCHOR.— /^^ Remora— 
 a sucking Fish. J 
 
 What have we here ? a man or a fish ? A Fish : he smells 
 like a fish ; a very ancient and fish-like smell ; a kind of, 
 not of the newest, Poor John. Were I in England now (as 
 once I was) and had but this fish painted, not a holiday fool 
 there but would give a piece of silver : there would this 
 monster make a man ; any strange beast there makes a man. 
 His gabbling voice is to utter foul speeches, and to de- 
 tract. He is as disproportioned in his manners, as in his 
 shape. As with age his body grows gglier, his mind cankers. 
 
 Caliban. 
 
ReptU, with spawn abuadaat— 
 
 Milton, Par.L, b.r. 
 
 A WATER SCORPION. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 This offensive insect lives in stagnant waters, 
 continually watching for prey. Its feelers resemble the claws 
 of a scorpion ; the eyes are hard and prominent ^ the shoul- 
 ders broad and Jlat. It wastes twenty times as much as its 
 appetite requires ; one can destroy thirty or forty of the 
 LiBELLULA kind, each as large as itself. It is nevertheless 
 greatly overrun with a small kind of lice, which probably re- 
 pay the injuries it inflicts elsewhere. At certain seasons it 
 flies to distant waters in search of food; but it remains where 
 it "was produced until fully grown, when it sallies forth in 
 search of a companion of the other sex, and soon begets an use- 
 less generation.* 
 
 • Martyn's Diet. Nat. Hist. S vols. Folio, 1785. Goldstnitli, vi. .15. 
 
Bacon 
 
 Cowper. 
 
 He that maketli the wound bleed inwardt — 
 Gives Liberty the last, the mortal shock ; 
 Slips the slave'a collar on, aad maps the lock. 
 
 What is hh Character T— A man of amiable Manners— raWA and civil. 
 
 Character of the Murderer of the Mam. 
 I never judge from Manners, for I once had my pocket picked by the civileit gentk-man I 
 ever met with ; and one of the mildest persons I ever saw was All Pacha. Lord Byron. 
 
 DIRKPATRICK. 
 
 /a Petrified Pidrejaction. — a Bloodstone. J 
 
 The Bloodstone is green, spotted with a bright blood red. Woodward on I'ossili. 
 
 M 
 
 Moral. 
 
 1 recommend it to all that read this History, that when they find their lives come up, in any 
 degree, to a similitude of cases, they will inquire and ask thrmselves^ is not this the time to 
 '^P'^"^' De Foe's Col. Jack, 1723, p. 399. 
 
Raised in blood. 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 THE BLOODHOUND. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 This is the most terrible animal in the Collection. 
 Its character is that of decided enmiti/ to man ; it hunts 
 down those who endeavor to regain their Libert^/, and is 
 called the Ban Dog. When it scents a human victim it fol- 
 lows his track with cruel perseverance, flies upon him with 
 dreadful ferocity, and, unless dragged off, tears and rends the 
 form until every noble feature of humanity is destroyed. It 
 has an exquisite smell for blood. The species vary little 
 throughout the world : there is scarcely any difference be- 
 tween the trans-atlantic Spanish blood-hound and the Irish 
 wolf-dog, whose ferocity has been much diminished by the 
 animal being frequently crossed. It is still kept on some of 
 the old ro2/ol grounds. 
 
 • Edwards's West Indies. Goldsmith. Raiusford's St. Domingo. Scott's Sportsman's 
 Ktpo6itory. 
 
Shakspeare. 
 Cotpper. 
 Sivift's Mem. of P. P. 
 
 Rt. Hem. G. Canning. 
 
 I do remember an APOTHECARY— 
 A THREE-INCH VOOL -.-uTimannerli/ breech'd:^ 
 Inflated aud astrut with self-conceit: — 
 To bleed adveotured lie not, except the Poor. 
 
 He had heaid of Politics, and loDg'd to get 
 
 A Place ; aud now. 
 
 With all his Fam'ly crowding' at his heels, 
 His brothers, cousins, followers, and his son, 
 He shows himself Prime Doctor. — 
 
 He is that CANTING SLAVE foretold. 
 By one Dan Barnaby of old. 
 That would hang up his cat on Monday, 
 For killing of a mouse on Sunday ; 
 Who, that his beer mayn't work the latter day. 
 Forbids the brewer's call on Saturday. Anon. 
 
 A. go cart of superstitiou and prejudice, never stirring hand or foot but as he is pulled by th* 
 wiie« aud strings of the state conjurers. Hazlitfs Table Talk, 366. 
 
 His A. B. C. is a great deal belter employment for him, than tlie grave and weighty raatt«rs 
 of state, and tlie study of politics. Dr. Bastmck against Col. J. Lilbume, Vi. 
 
 SJiall I lose my Doctor f No ; he gives me the potions, and the motions. 
 
 What ho I APOTHECARY! Shakspeare. 
 
 THE DOCTOR.— /a Dejection. J 
 
 In the»e days the grand "primum mobile" of Eugland is CANT— Cant political, Cant religioui. 
 Cant moral, but always CANT— a thing of words, without the smallest influence upon actions; 
 the English beinf no wiser, no better, and much poorer, and more divided among themselves, a» 
 well as far less moral, than they were before the pievalence of this Verbal Decorum. 
 
 Lord Byron on Mr. Bowles, l6. 
 
 DiAKY. — April 1st. I grew melarichohy. — My father lying 
 sick, told me, in syllables, the Philosopher's stone. — It pleased 
 God to put me in mind that I was now placed in the condition 
 I always desired. — I hung three spiders about my neck (for 
 a charm). — 1 kissed the king's hand. — Cxtera desunt. 
 
 EUas Ashmole's Diary. 
 
the most notorious geek and Gull 
 
 That e'er Invention play'd on. 
 
 Sknkspcart. 
 
 THE BOOBY. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 The Creature you now see is a sort of Noddy of the 
 Gull kind. Observe his uncouth form and his ludicrously 
 wise looks ! He is the most stupid of the feathered tribe ; yet 
 he has a voracious appetite, and an enormous swallow. You 
 perceive that he feigns the appearance of being upright, of 
 seeming to comprehend objects he sees, of listening to what 
 he hears, and that he shakes his head with gravity/, as though 
 he had a certain degree of understanding. His greatest plea- 
 sure is in standing still. He has not sense enough to get 
 out of People's way ; speaking to him or making motions ne- 
 ver disturb him. There is no compelling him to the fatigue 
 o{ changing his position till he feels a hhw ; for he keeps his 
 PLACE till he is approached quite close, and knocked down. 
 He is a living /«/// stop. Wlien he \s forced to walk, which 
 is very seldom, he goes from side to side. Like others of si- 
 milar tribes, he boroughs. In this respect the union 
 and affection of these Creatures towards each other is won- 
 derful; for, when undisturbed by the encroachments of men, 
 they construct their nests as convenient as if they expected them 
 io he permanent ; arranging their different places with such 
 an amazing degree of uniformity, as to resemble a regular 
 plantation. Sometimes they draw up side by side, in rank 
 and file, and sit brooding together as if in deep counsel, on 
 affairs of moment — their silliness and solemnity exciting invo- 
 luntary laughter ! This burlesque takes place, in particular, 
 
about the month of November. The habits of these tribes 
 are known tlirough those who visit the haunts they have for- 
 saken for more obscure retreats^ where they can build aloft^ 
 and settle in their nests at ease : a practice which confirms the 
 remark of a great naturalist, that the presence of wen not only 
 destroys the society of the meaner animals, but even extin- 
 guishes their g'roce////?g' instincts. Hitherto the Booby has 
 been considered of no service whatever; yet a similar species,* 
 by drawing a wick through the body and lighting it, is made 
 into a candle.i If this Booby could be thus used, the illu- 
 mination of BOTH Houses and the public offices might 
 be speedily effected, and the tribe he belongs to be rendered 
 available to human purposes. At any rate a skilful tallow- 
 chandler might try his hand at converting the Creature into 
 
 A TWOPENNY FLAT 
 
 For a Cobbler's Stall; 
 
 ■ which, with short cotton wicks, 
 
 Touch'd by th' industr'ous Cobb's Promethean art 
 Starts into light— and maVes the lighter start ! 
 
 Mother Carey's Chickens— the Peltril. 
 
 Rejected Addresses. 
 f Martjn. Bewick. 
 
The Creature's at his dirty work agaio. 
 
 P^pe, 
 
 THE SLOP PAIL. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 The "Slop Pail" being occupied by "Slop" 
 keeping his tri'Colored cockade in it, with the hope of bleach- 
 ing it whitCj has become more and more offensive daily, and 
 will be kicked down.* 
 
 • So ' the Jacobite Relics of Scotlaud' fall low. 
 When MENDACITY HOGG dares his betters to brow. 
 And turns up HIS SNOUT, with derision and scorn, 
 At those, who, less cringing, to labor are born : — 
 The parasite pride of his mendicant mind 
 Pimps himself " to bewilder, and dazzles to blind;" 
 Yet I still wish him well— for I wish that he may 
 Learn, that wiong can't be right, and— be honest as tliey. 
 
 See Dedication of Hogg's Jacobite Relits 
 to the Highland Society, of London. 
 
The great BOOTS having been out of order, 
 were welted, and afterwards new vamped, and polished. 
 Dr. SouTHEY, the Farnisher, has them in hand at present, 
 and is * doing them up* as fast as possible. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 I thank you for your company. Opposite to you 
 is a description of The Monster that my people are now 
 hunting on the Continent. When destroyed, its skin will be 
 stuffed and preserved among the other Antiquities and Cu- 
 riosities in the European Museum. 
 
 Ladies and Gentlemen, I wish you a good day. — 
 Keep to TR^ RIGHT. Walk steadily forward. The Ani- 
 mals may make an uproar, but don't be alarmed ; F 11 see you 
 safe out. Remember they are und&r my control, and cannot 
 take a step beyond the reach of 
 
 MY EYE 
 
 I'll watch them tame. 
 
 Skakspeare. 
 
THE 
 
 BOA DESOLATOR, 
 
 OR 
 
 LEGITIMATE VAMPIRE. 
 
 It overlays tlie continent like an ugly Incubus, sucking the blood and stopping up the breath 
 of man's life. It claims Mankind as its property, and allows human nature to exist only upon 
 sufferance; it haunts the understanding like a frightful spectre, and oppresses the very air with 
 a weight that is not to be borne. HazliWs Political Essa^/s and Characters, p. Ql . 
 
 This hideous Beast, not having at any time put forth all 
 his we/n&er.y, cannot be accurately described. Every dark Cen- 
 tury has added to his frightful bulk. More disgusting than 
 the filthiest reptile, his strength exceeds all other brute force. 
 
 His enormous, bloated, toad-like body is ferruginous :* the 
 under surface appears of polished steel.f His cavern-like mouth 
 is always open to devour; ' his teeth are as swords, and his 
 jaw-teeth as knives' — as millions of bristling bayonets inter- 
 mingled with black fangs containing mortal venom. His 
 roar is a voice from the sepulchre. He is marked ' inform 
 of a cross, ^% with a series of chains, intersected by the 
 TRIANGLE,! and glittering colours, variegated with red. 
 
 His aspect is cruel and terrible. He loves the dark, but 
 never sleeps. Wherever he makes his lair, nature sickens, 
 and man is brutified. His presence is ' plague, pestilence, 
 and famine, battle, and murder, and sudden death.' His bite 
 rapidly undermines the strongest Constitution, and dis- 
 solves the whole into an entire mass of Corruption. He 
 has no brain, but the walls of the skull emit a tinkling sound, 
 that attracts his victims, and lulls them into passive obedi- 
 ence. In this state he clutches them in his coils, and screws 
 and squeezes them to destruction — slavering them oyer, and 
 sucking in their substance at leisure. It is difficult to witness 
 the half-stifled cries of his harmless prey, or to behold its 
 anxiety and trepidation, while the monster writhes hideously 
 around it, without imagining what our own case would be in 
 the same dreadful situation. || 
 
 His rapacity is increased by indulgence. He grinds, 
 cranches, and devours whole multitudes, without being sa- 
 tisfied. His blood is cold. His ravening maw does not 
 digest : it is an ever-yawning grave that engulphs — a * bot- 
 tomless pit' continually crying ' give, give /' Sometimes he 
 
 • Shaw's Zoology. Art. Boa, iii. 344. t Ibid. 366. 
 
 X Linnasus's Nat. Hist, by Gmelin, 8vo. (Jones) 1816. Art. Boa Constrictor, xii. 437. 
 J Shaw's Zoology, iii. 339. fl Macleod's Wreck of the Alceste, 2yi, 295. 
 
* rests from his labors,' to admire his loathsome li7nbsy and 
 slime them over. He has no affections : yet he appears 
 charmed by the hum of the insects that follow him, and 
 pleased by the tickling crawl of the meanest reptiles — 
 permitting them to hang upon his lips, and partake of his 
 leavings. But his real pleasure is in listening to the cries of 
 his captives, the wail of the broken hearted, and the groans 
 of the d^^ing. 
 
 He lives in defiance and scorn of Providence, and in ha- 
 tred to the happiness of man. When distended with human 
 carnage, and wet with the gore of the innocent and the help- 
 less, he lifts an impious form to heaven in solemn mockery. 
 He was predicted of by the Seer of old, as the Beast with 
 many heads and crowns, bearing the name of Blasphemy. 
 
 The garish colours that denote his malignity, excite only 
 horror and detestation in the lover of nature, and of his spe- 
 cies. They are most lively when he is engaged in the work 
 of death, and cause him to be admired by the vulgar multi- 
 tude, learned and unlearned, who hold him sacred^ pay him 
 divine honors, call him holj/, and fall down before him as an 
 object of worship, while priests glorify him, and minister 
 to him, and pray for his murderous successes in the temples. 
 Hence the good and the wise, in all ages, have devised and 
 practised various methods for the destruction of a Fiend that 
 creates nothing but terror and imposture^ and between whom 
 and rational man there is a natural antipathy. 
 
 He is filled with the deadliest rage by the encreasing growth 
 
 of \\\e popular Tree ; — 
 
 THAT TREE, beneath whose shade the Sons of Men 
 
 Shall pitch tlieir tents in peace. 
 
 Brissut niurder'd, and the blameless wife 
 
 Of Roland I Martyr'd patriots, spirits pure, 
 
 Wept by the good, ye fell ! Yet still survives, 
 
 Sown by your toil, and by your blood manured, 
 
 The imperishable TREE ; and still its roots 
 
 Spread, and strike deep, 
 
 Southey's Joan qf Arc, b. iii. 
 
 His existence is drawing to a close. It has been ascertained 
 that the way of putting him quietly out of the world is by a 
 25Iacfl 5^0|Se, consisting of the four and twenty letters * of the 
 alphabet, properly composed^ made up in certain formsy 
 covered with sheets of white paper, and well worked in a 
 Columbian Press. These Papers are to he forced down his 
 
 * Pbilostratus relates that the Indians destroy the most monstrous serpent 
 by spreading golden letters, on a field of red, before his hole. They dazzle 
 and confottud him, and he is taken without difficulty. 
 
throai DAILY, morning and evening, and on every seventh day 
 a double dose should be administered. The operation is accele- 
 rated by the powerful exhibition of the Wood Draughts. 
 In a short time his teeth will fall out — he will be seized with 
 catalepsy — in the last stage of mortification, he will 
 STING HIMSELF to death/ — and all mankind, relieved from 
 the deadened atmosphere under which they had been gasping, 
 will make the first use of their recovered breath, to raise an 
 universal shout of joy at the extinction of 
 
 THE LEGITIMATE VAMPIRE. 
 
 Those Lords of pray'r and prey— that band of Kings, 
 That Royal, rav'ning BEAST, whose vampire wings 
 O'er sleeping Europe treacherously brood, 
 And Can her into dreams of promu'd good, 
 Ot Hope, of Freedenn— but to drain her blood' 
 
 Maore. 
 
 The End. 
 
Ludgate-hill, London, 1821. 
 
 CATALOGUE 
 
 WILLIAM HONE'S PUBLICATIONS. 
 
 *^* Some of the IVorks in this Catalogue are nearly out of Print, and 
 
 WILL NOT BE REPRINTED. 
 
 Jl3elu euitions 
 
 OF riiii 
 
 WOOD CUT WORKS. 
 
 One Shilling each. 
 
 POLITICAL HOUSE THAT 
 JACK BUILT, 13 Cuts. 
 
 MAN IN THE MOON, 15 Cuts. 
 
 QUEEN'S MATRIMONIAL 
 LADDER, 18 Cuts. 
 NON MI RICORDO! 3 Cuts— 6i. 
 
 All the Drawings are 
 BY MR. GEORGE CRUIKSHANK. 
 •«* Fiue EditioiUi Colored, of the ' House that Jack 
 built/ and the ' Matrimonial Ladder,' PriceSs. — The 
 ' Man in the Moon,' 2s. — ' Hon mi Ricordo!' 1*. 
 
 IVith a Cut— Price U. 6d. 
 
 THE SPIRIT 
 OF DESPOTISM. 
 
 •«• The Rare and Extraordinary Book, beairing 
 the above title, was privately printed without the 
 oame of priuter or bookseller, and so effectually 
 
 SUPPRESSED, 
 that tliere are only two copies of it besides my own 
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THE 
 
 RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS TO 
 GOVERN WRONG I 
 
 DetiicateTi to tlje ^olp mmut 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF 
 
 THE POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT 
 
 The devil will not have me damnM, lest the oil that is in me should set hell on fire.' 
 
 Shakspeare. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
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 45, LUDGATE-HILL. 
 
 1 821. 
 
 Eightettifitnce. 
 
Printed by W. Hone, 
 ♦6, Ludgate-Hill, London. 
 
©eDication. 
 
 TO 
 
 THE VISIBLE AND INVISIBLE 
 
 MEMBERS OF 
 
 THE HOLY ALLIANCE. 
 
 May it please your Holinesses, 
 
 When a gang of desperate ruffians disguise 
 themselves, and take the road armed, it is a sure sign 
 of robbery and murder ; and it becomes the duty of 
 an honest man to raise a hue and cry^ and describe 
 the villains. 
 
 With that view, I dedicate to you this little book ; 
 in the hope, that some who understand the d^ad lan- 
 guage of Despotism, may be induced to translate 
 it into the living tongues of the good people of 
 the Continent. 
 
 I pray God to take your Royalty into his imme- 
 diate keeping. 
 
 THE AUTHOR OF THE POUTICAL HOUSE 
 THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
O ! DuLNESs, if thy sons can learn one thing, 
 Teach but that one, sufficient for a King ; 
 That which thy Priests, and thine alone, maintain, 
 Which, as It dies, or lives, They fall, or reign : 
 May ye, O Cam and Isis, preach it long, 
 * The Right Divine of Kings to govern wrong !' 
 
 Pope. 
 
 It was a maxim of the constitution of this country that the 
 King could do no wrong. He had high authority for stating that 
 the King could not commit Folly, much less Crime. 
 
 Report of a Bishop's Speech. 
 
 If a King can do no wrong, why was King James II. banished i 
 and if a King can do wrong, why the plague are we constant- 
 ly affirming that he cannot ? Either way we should stand self- 
 condemned, and if we are not set down as a nation of scoun- 
 drels, we must think ourselves pretty easy under the appellation 
 of fool J. Swift. 
 
 We love 
 
 The King, who loves the law, respects bis bounds. 
 And reigns content within them : bim we serve 
 Freely and with delight, who leaves us free : 
 But recollecting still that he is man. 
 We trust him not too far. King though he be, 
 And King in England too, lie may be weak. 
 And vain enough to be ambitious still; 
 • May exercise amiss his proper pow'rs. 
 Or covet more than freemen choose to grant : 
 Beyond that mark is TREASON. 
 
 COWPEK. 
 
 NOTE. 
 The Druwings are by Mr. George Cruieshank. 
 
preface* 
 
 " Perish those poets, and be hush'd the song, 
 Which with this nonsense charin'd the workl so long, 
 That he who does no right, can do no wrong." 
 
 DeFoe. 
 
 1 o condemn nonsense, especially in high places, is 
 proper : there are ancient precedents for it. 
 
 A thousand years before Christ, Nathan, a priest 
 in the house of the Lord at Jerusalem, knew that 
 David the Lord's anointed, had not only workedjolli/ 
 in Israel, by committing adultery with a beautiful wo- 
 man, but had committed crime, by causing her hus- 
 band to be put to death. The honest priest charged 
 both the folly and the crime upon the king ! He went 
 up to his majesty with this Address : " Thou art the 
 man .'" He prosecuted him at the bar of his own 
 conscience, convicted him, and passed sentence upon 
 him — " The sword shall not depart from thine house /" 
 Three thousand years after this, a priest, sent into 
 an English House of Lords by the nomination of 
 the king, affirms there, that " he had ' high authority' 
 for stating, that the king could not commit folly, 
 much less crime T 
 
( 6 ) 
 
 What a scene ! A priest of the Church of Eng- 
 land, who promised, before he received the Holy 
 Ghost,* to lay aside the study of the world and 
 the flesh, who received the Holy Ghost upon that 
 condition, who had a Bible put into his hands to 
 preach truth from, and who — with the Holy Ghost 
 in him, took the sacrament as the most solemn of 
 all oaths, to perform what he had promised — this 
 Priest, who again received the Holy Ghost for 
 the office and work of a Bishop, and again took the 
 oath of the sacrament — this Bishop, regardless of 
 his sacramental oath, puzzles himself behind the 
 Treasury bench with the quillets of the English law, 
 and forgets Nathan ! — this Right Reverend Father 
 in God, by divine permission, studies the ' Pleas of 
 the Crown,' tal"ks of ' high authority,' and forgets the 
 authority of his Bible ! — bends, like \i\& folding- crook, 
 in the presence of the king of England, and forgets 
 Him whose kingdom is not of this world ! — stands, 
 as stiff as his staflF, at Lonc?on— blinks Jerusalem, 
 — squints towards archiepiscopal Canterbury — and in- 
 culcates Passive obedience and Non-resistance ! 
 
 The Doctrine of Divine Right, or ' the King can 
 do no wrong,' is the evil genius of Liberty, the vital 
 spark of Legitimate right, the very soul of Des- 
 potism. It demands tl>e prostitution of moral principle, 
 
 * Priests of the Church of England ' receive the Holy Ghost' 
 at the command of the bishop on their ordination. They re- 
 ceive it again when made Bishops. 
 
 See the Form qf' Ordination. 
 
( 7 ) 
 
 sophisticates scripture, and converts the peace and 
 good will of Christianity into envy, hatred, malice, 
 and all uncharitableness. What it can do, may be 
 known by what it has done. Take a hero — a ruffian 
 who has ravaged and desolated every fair region he 
 could penetrate — a brutal ferocious wretch, of gi- 
 gantic form, and cruel feature, ignorant of every thing 
 but crime ; his sword serrated by hacking the bones 
 of the brave defenders of their country, with halters 
 for the necks of the peaceful at his girdle : toss him 
 an iron sceptre surmounted by the emblems of death 
 and folly ; give him the world to crush beneath his 
 feet ; and tell me in what age Priestcraft, standing 
 upon the divine right of tithes, would refuse to throw 
 the ermine of royalty over the monster's shoulders, 
 anoint him as from the Lord, and light him up 
 to the world as an image of the Divinity ! 
 
 According to the law of England, the king can do 
 no wrong. Mr. Justice Blackstone says, that " the 
 Prerogative of the Crown extends not to do any in- 
 jury; it is created for the benefit of the people; 
 and, therefore, cannot be exerted to their prejudice."* 
 
 Now, if the prerogative of tlie crown was created 
 for the benefit of the people, is it not plain, that, 
 should it cease to be exerted for their benefit, it would 
 be useless ; and that, should it be extended to do them 
 injury, it would be oppression. Will the Bishop say, 
 that oppression is no wrong, or that if oppression 
 should come from the royal prerogative, oppression is 
 
 * Commentaries, vol. i. p. 2'iii. 
 
( 8 ) 
 
 fight ? If he does say this, I ask him, how long, after 
 oppression should be exercised through the preroga- 
 tive by virtually irresponsible ministers and be de- 
 clared no wrong, he supposes that a king of England 
 could sit on the throne, or the bishops who maintain 
 the doctrine, sit either at its right hand in the Lords, 
 or any where else i I tell this bishop, that though 
 the law may not suppose it possible for a king of 
 England to do wrong, because it intends him to do 
 right, yet if he should do, and continue to do, op- 
 pressive wrong, not all the bishops of England, nor 
 all the bayonets of all the mercenaries of Europe, 
 could keep that king upon the throne of an oppressed 
 people against their united will. 
 
 A king of England is not king in his own right, 
 or by hereditary right. The nation is not a patri- 
 mony. He is not king by his own power; but in 
 right of, and by the power of the law. He is not 
 king above the law ; but by, or under, the law. 
 All the authority that he has, is given to him by 
 law ; and he can only rule according to law : for 
 were he to rule against the law, he would be king 
 against the law, and depose himself. The law is the 
 Sovereign, or paramount authority ; hence, a king of 
 England is a subject ; and in this respect, he and 
 all the people are upon a level before the law — they 
 are all his fellow-subjects ; though, as chief magis- 
 trate, he is the first subject of the law. 
 
 A king of England who regards the happiness of 
 the people, and his own safety, would not wish to be 
 
( 9 ) 
 
 stronger than the law founded on the public will, 
 makes him. More strength would be unnecessary to 
 his welfare, and hurtful to theirs. All power over others^ 
 from the watch-box to the throne, tends to injure 
 the understanding, and corrupt the heart. A good 
 King would not desire unlimited power ; a bad one 
 would abuse it. He would become mad ; and drive 
 the people mad. A despot is a demon. Artillery 
 and fetters with the royal robe flung over them — a 
 cannon ball capped with the royal crown — animated 
 by the royal will — crushing, burning, and butchering 
 liberty, property, and human life — personify the power 
 of an unlimited King. 
 
 The ensuing satire shows the folly and danger of 
 such power. It is a partial revival of the Jure 
 Divino, written by Daniel De Foe in 1706. After 
 the lapse of a century, nearly the same reason exists 
 for the publication as the author adduced on its first 
 appearance. It had never appeared, he says, "had 
 not the world seemed to be going mad a se- 
 cond time with the error of passive obedience and 
 non-resistance." It is not precisely so now : the 
 people have not gone mad, but a bishop has, who 
 may bite his brethren ; and there is a slavish party of 
 High Church zealots and pulpit casuists in the coun- 
 try who virtually support the doctrine— although if 
 they attempt reducing it to practice, they may dig a 
 pit beneath the throne, and engulph the dynasty. To 
 expose this destructive doctrine, and disentangle the 
 threads so artfully twisted into snares for the unwary 
 
( 10 ) 
 
 by priestcraft, De Foe composed his Satire. He 
 was the ablest politician of his day, an energetic 
 writer, and, better than all, an honest man ; but 
 not much of a poet. The Jure Divirio is defective 
 in arrangement and versification. It is likewise disfi- 
 gured by injudicious repetition ; a large portion is de- 
 voted to the politics of the time, and it is otherwise 
 unfit for republication entire ; but it abounds with 
 energetic thoughts, forcible touches, and happy il- 
 lustrations. The present is an attempt to separate 
 the gold from the dross. The selection is carefully 
 made ; from the parts rejected the best passages are 
 preserved, the rhyme artd metre are somewhat bet- 
 tered, the extracts are improved and transposed, and 
 many additions of my own are introduced. The 
 production scornfully rejects the slavish folly, sense- 
 less jargon, and venal hypocrisy, which pretend that 
 power is from God and not from the People. It 
 defies those who draw upon scripture in support of 
 Divine Right to show that scripture lays down any 
 rules of political government, or enjoins any political 
 duties ; or that it does not leave the people to deter- 
 mine by their own reason what government and what 
 governors are best for themselves. It is a forcible 
 and argumentative satire against the nonsense from 
 hole-and-corner and lawn-sleeve men ; and presents 
 a series of peculiarly strong and quotable lines, to en- 
 graft on the common sense of the free-minded, honest, 
 and open-hearted of my countrymen. If it aids them 
 in the occasional illustration and emphatic expression 
 
c n ) 
 
 of their opinions, the pains 1 have taken will be re- 
 warded. 
 
 There is another reason for publishing this satire, 
 besides the revival of Priestcraft. Its tvvinbrother is 
 alive. Kingcraft rears up its terrific mass, muffled 
 in the mantle of Legitimacy ; its head cowled and 
 crowned, and dripping with the holy oil of Divine 
 Right ; its eyes glaring deadly hate to human happi- 
 ness ; its lips demanding worship for itself. Denoun- 
 cing dreadful curses against the free, and yelling forth 
 threatenings and slaughter, it stamps with its hoof, 
 and coils together its frightful force to fall on young 
 Liberty and squelch it. Its red right-arm is bared 
 for the butchery of the brave who love Freedom 
 and dare contend for it. It has prepared its chains 
 and dug its dungeons, erected its scaffolds, and shar- 
 pened its axes for the wise and excellent of the earth ; 
 and its bloody banners are unfurled in insolent antici- 
 pation of unholy triumph ! — 
 
 Still nionarchs dream 
 
 Of universal empire growing up 
 From universal ruin! Blast the design, 
 Great God of Hosts, nor let thy creatures fall, 
 Uupitied victims at ambition's shrine ! 
 
 So prayed the Bishop of London, (Porteus— not 
 Howley) and so fervently prays, 
 
 THE AUTHOR OF THE POLITICAL HOUSE 
 THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
THE SPIRIT 
 OF DESPOTISM. 
 
 The above Rare and Extraordinary Book was privately 
 printed in 1795, without the name of either printer or 
 bookseller, and so effectually suppressed, that there are 
 only two copies of it besides my own in existence. 
 
 Its real value consists in exhibiting an entire and 
 luminous view of the causes and consequences of Des- 
 potic Power. Its enthusiastic and glowing love of 
 Liberty is unexcelled by any work written since; and 
 for clearness, richness, and beauty of style, it is superior 
 to every production of the Press within the same period. 
 All that the author touches, he turns into gold. I 
 regret to say that most probably I shall never be at 
 liberty to disclose his name. 
 
 Naturally desirous that such a work should be perused 
 by all England, I have reprinted it, verbatim, from my 
 own copy ; and, although containing as much in quan- 
 tity as a volume of Gibbon's History of Rome, it is 
 sold for Eig] it e en-pence. 
 
 WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 *^t* The French, instantly perceiving the transcendent merit 
 of the Spirit of Despotism, and its high importance at this 
 crisis, have translated it into their language, and it is now read 
 throughout France with the greatest avidity. I intreat some 
 good I^eapolitan to be the benefactor of his Countrymen in hke 
 manner. It should be in the hands of the free, and those wlio 
 desire to be free, in all nations: — Austria, for instance. 
 
THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 TO GOVERN WRONG. 
 
 BOOK I. 
 
 Thus Kings were first invented, and tims Kings 
 
 Were biirnish'd into heroes, and became 
 
 The arbiters of this terraqueous swamp ; 
 
 Storks among frogs that have but croak'd and died ! 
 
 COWPER. 
 
 Original Power— The ancient Gods — Tyrant-kings — The 
 Apotheosis of James II. in the Chapel Royal — Charles 
 II. — Paternal Government — God prescribed no Rules of 
 Govtrnment — Origin of Kings — Saul. 
 
 AnisE, O Satire ! — tune thy useful song. 
 
 Silence grows criminal, when crimes grow strong; 
 
 Of meaner vice, and villains, sing no more. 
 
 But Monsters crown'd, and Crime enrobed with Power ! 
 
 At vice's high Imperial throne begin. 
 
 Relate the ancient prodigies of sin ; 
 
 With pregnant phrase, and strong impartial verse. 
 
 The crimes of men, and crimes of Kings rehearse! 
 
 What though thy labour shall to us be vain. 
 And the World's bondage must its time remain ; 
 c 
 
14 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Let willing slaves in golden fetters lie. 
 
 There's none can save the men who ivill to die. 
 
 Yet some there are that would not tamely bow. 
 
 Who fain would break their chains, if they knew how ; 
 
 And these, from thy inspired lines, may see. 
 
 How they choose bondage when they may go free. 
 
 He that can levy War with all mankind. 
 Retard the day-spring of the human mind ; 
 Buy Justice, sell Oppression, bribe the Law, 
 Exalt the Fool, and keep the Wise in awe ; 
 With pious Peter,* cant of heaven's commands. 
 Pray with his lips, and murder with his hands ; 
 Insult the wretched, trample on the poor. 
 And mock the miseries mankind endure ; 
 Can ravage countries, property devour. 
 And trample Law beneath the feet of Power ; 
 Scorn the restraint of oaths and promised Right,t 
 And ravel compacts in the people's sight; 
 
 * Peter the Crnel, King of Castile. He married the daugh- 
 ter of a Duke of Bourbon, whom he divorced, in order to renew 
 his connexion with a former mistress. His excesses occasioned 
 tlie people to dethrone hiui. He affected piety, and to govern 
 by divine right ! 
 
 t Despots seldom keep engagements. — The People of Prussia have 
 a' promised riglW from their king of some years standing. After 
 the Battle of Waterloo, he promised them a Constitution — but be- 
 came a member of the Holy Alliance. In 18t4, this king, with an- 
 other of the fraternity, the Emperor of Russia, was entertained 
 at an expiMi.*e of 20,038^. 7s. iOd. in Guildhall Loudon, by 
 the Coipui.iti II in Cumuion Council assenililed, wiio also pre 
 Rented addi esses vt' ( ougratulatiou tu the worthies, on their 
 having contributed, by encaging Napoleon, to restore what 
 the addresses called, " the Legitimate dynasties." The result 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 15 
 
 That thing's a Tyrant ! — and that People Fools, 
 Who basely bend to be that Tyrant'' s tools ! 
 
 Examine llien tlie early course of things. 
 And search the ancient roll of Tyrant Kings, 
 When the first man usurp'd upon his kind. 
 Assumed exotick right, assuming reigned ; 
 Supreme in wickedness, more wicked grew ; 
 First /orcerf a homage, then decreed it due. 
 
 Trace the first Tyrants to their fancied thrones. 
 Placed in that heaven that all their crimes disowns : — 
 If in the Royal lists some monsters reign'd, 
 Abhorr'd by heaven, and hated by mankind. 
 By lust and blood exalted to a throne. 
 For all the exquisites of Tyrant known. 
 The meaner name of monarch they despise. 
 Alive, usurp the throne, and dead, the skies ; 
 Above the clouds th' incarnate devil stands. 
 And nations worship wiih polluted hands! 
 
 Old Saturn, Bacchus, and high-thundering Jove, 
 And all the rabble of the Gods above. 
 Whose names for their immortal crimes are fear'd, 
 Monarchs and Tyrant-princes first appeared ; 
 
 is, that the legitimate Emperor of Russia backs the crusade on 
 the People of Naples ; and the legitimate kina; of Prussia is as 
 little inclined to let the Prussians have a Constitution, as the 
 Corporation of London find it convenient to return the 14,000i. 
 of tiie Bridge-House money whicii they borrowed towards pay- 
 ing for the feast. The '■company they kept,' and tiie money they 
 owe in consequence, must be a satisfactory, because the only 
 apology from the metropolis of the most free country in Europe, 
 to the Neapolitans, for not assisting them in defending their na- 
 tional Independence, and their new-born Liberty, against the 
 combined attack of " the Legitimate dynasties." 
 
16 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 By rapes and blood the path to greatness stained. 
 By rapes and blood the glittering station gain'd ; 
 Succeeding knaves succeeding Gods became. 
 And sin aspired to an immortal name ! 
 
 The mighty wretches dwell among the stars. 
 And vice in virtue's glorious robes appears ; 
 And Poets celebrate their praises there. 
 As Indians worship Devils that they fear ! 
 
 Yet let us look around the world awhile. 
 And find a Patron-God for Albion's Isle ; 
 Has she so many Tyrants borne in vain ? 
 Has she no Star in the celestial train? 
 Heaven knows, the difficulty only lies. 
 In who's the fittest monster for the skies ! — 
 Satire, reflect with care, due caution give. 
 
 Some are dead, beware of those that live. 
 
 If thou too near the present age begin. 
 Truth will be crime, and courage will be sin ! 
 
 Look back two ages, see where shines on high 
 Great James, the modern Bacchus of the sky j 
 But give him time before his ghost appear. 
 Lest his uneasy fame bewray his fear : 
 Alive, the patron of the tim'rous race. 
 Fear in his head, and frenzy in his face j 
 His constellation, were it felt beneath. 
 Would make men strive to die — for fear of death ! 
 His exaltation with his crimes begin. 
 See how we worship in his House of Sin, 
 Aloft — we view the Bacchanalian King ; 
 Below — the sacred anthems daily sing; 
 His vast excess the pencil's art displays. 
 And triumphs in the clouds above our praise : 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 17 
 
 What can, with equal force, devotion move. 
 We pray below, and He's debauch'd above !* 
 
 Look lower down the galaxy and see. 
 In yon crown'd Goat another Deity ; 
 His orgied reel and lecherous leer outvie 
 The old Priapian glory of the sky ; 
 His furious lusts the other Gods deface 
 And spread his viler image through the place j 
 On obscene altars blaze unholy fires 
 To him, the God of all unchaste desires If 
 
 • The Banquetting House at Whitehall is now the Chapel 
 Royal, where sermons are preached and Divine service is sung by 
 the choir of the king's household. On the floor, are the pews for 
 the congregation, the pulpits of the clergy, the altar with the 
 sacramental vessels, and the other arrangements for sacred wor- 
 ship. On the ceiling, the apotheosis of King James tlie First, 
 painted by Rubens, represents the king in different situations 
 crowned with the triumphs of drunkenness. 
 
 James the First held the highest notions concerning Divine 
 Right. He had a migiity desire to be a great tyrant, but was 
 merely a great driveller. He said on a certain occasion that 
 " there is an implicit tie among kings, whick obligelh them, though 
 there be no other interest or particular engagement, to stick to, and 
 RIGHT ONE ANOTHER, vpoii ayi insurrection of subjects." — How- 
 ell's Letters, B. 1. §. 2. Letter iii. 
 
 This obligation among kings to right one another, flows from 
 their ' Right Divine to govern wrong !' The implicit tie to sufl^o- 
 
 cate liberty, wherever it appears, is co-eval with tyranny 
 
 but it was never openly avowed until the present concert of kings. 
 The Holy-Alliance is — Despotism shewing itself. 
 
 t It was for this king, Charles II., that the plirase, *' our re- 
 ligious king," was invented by the Bishops. 
 
 If such Vicegerents are by Heaven appointed, 
 The Devil himself may be the Lord's anointed! 
 
 De Foe, 
 
18 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 We turn disgusted from the contemplation 
 Nor seek more royal samples of our nation ', 
 But leave Posterity to find the place 
 Of other heroes, of another race. 
 
 Europe, thy thrones have many a name in store. 
 As bright in guilt as any crown'd before ; 
 Who, turn'd to Gods, shall shine in Poets' rhymes. 
 And faithful Hist'ry shall record their crimes. 
 
 The first Paternal ruler of mankind 
 That e'er by primogenial title reign'd. 
 In dignity of government was high 
 But all his kingdom was his family. 
 His subjects — were his household and his wife ; 
 His power — to regulate their way of life j 
 His sway — extended not beyond his gate ; 
 That was the limit — of his regal state ; 
 And every son might from his rule divide. 
 Be King himself, and by himself preside ; 
 And when he died, the government went on 
 In natural succession to his son. 
 
 Next Families of mutual love and unity 
 Together join'd for friendship and conwiunity ; 
 Form'd Laws, and then the natural order was 
 To trust some man to execute the Laws. 
 Hence him they best could trust, they trusted — chose ; 
 And thus a Nation and a chief arose. 
 Both constituted by a mutual trust; 
 The people honest and the ruler just.* 
 
 'Tis plain, when man came from his Maker's hand. 
 He left him free, and at his own command; 
 
 • No hereditary king ever reigned in the world, but to govern 
 by laws and constitutions which were established beforeh^ came 
 to be king. — Coke's Detection, vol. i. p. 13. 
 
 i 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 19 
 
 Gave him the light of nature to direct. 
 And reason,* nature's errors to inspect ; 
 No rules of Government were e'er set down. 
 Nature was furnish'd to direct her own ; 
 The high unerring light of Providence, 
 Left that to latent cause and consequence. 
 
 Society to regulation tends. 
 As naturally as means pursue their ends ; 
 The wit of man could never yet invent, 
 A way of life without a government; 
 And government has always been begun. 
 In those who, to be govern'd, gave the crown. 
 He that would other schemes of rule contrive 
 And search for powers the people could not give, 
 Must seek a spring which can those powers convey. 
 And seek a People too that will obey. 
 
 At length paternal rule was less complete. 
 And as mankind increas'd became unfit ; 
 The petty Lords grow quarrelsome and proud. 
 And plunge their little governments in blood. 
 
 * Reason is the image of God stamped upon man at his birth, 
 the understanding breathed iirto him with the breatli of life, 
 and in the participation of which alone he is raised above 
 the brute creation, and his own pliysical nature ! — Reason is the 
 queen of the moral world, the soul of the universe, the lamp of 
 human life, the pillar of society, the foundation ot law, the bea- 
 con of nations, the golden chain let down from heaven, which 
 links all animated and all intelligent natures in one common 
 system— and, in the vain strife between fanatic innovation and 
 fanatic prejudice, we are exhorted to dethrone this queen of the 
 world, to blot out this light of the mind, to deface this fair co- 
 lumn, to break in pieces this golden chain ! — HazlitVs Political 
 Essays, p. 57. 
 
20 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 The factious rivals on pretence of right. 
 
 Urge on the people to contend and fight ; 
 
 Invaded weakness to brute force submits. 
 
 Oppression rages, honesty retreats. 
 
 Justice gives way to power, and power prevails. 
 
 And universal slavery entails. 
 
 Thus broils arose, and thus the ends of life 
 
 Are miss'd in Wars and undecided strife ! 
 
 Scotland, till late, exemplified the plan. 
 In many a feud, in many a Highland clan. 
 The Chief with whoop and whistling trumpet shrill. 
 Summons his slaves from ev'ry neighb'ring hill; 
 Tells them, his foeman's bull has stol'n his cow. 
 And dire revenge th' obedient vassals vow ; 
 With mighty targe, and basket-hilted knife. 
 Battle and blood decide the petty strife j 
 The namelings fight, because the lord commands. 
 And wild confusion rules th' ungovern'd lands ! 
 
 The hunter -tribes, at first, wild beasts pursued. 
 And then to chase mankind they left the wood ; 
 Became Banditti, Captains, Chieftains, Kings, 
 And Tyrants, by the natural course of things ! 
 
 As he that ravaged most could rule the best. 
 So he grown King that first subdued the rest. 
 By fraud and force his guiltT/ power maintains. 
 Wheedles mankind to please themselves with chains. 
 With selfish Kingcraft calls it Right Divine,* 
 And subtle Priestcraft sanctifies his line. 
 
 "Priestcraft n. s. [priest and craft.] Religions frands ; 
 
 management of wicked priests to gain power. — Johnson. 
 
 Kingcraft n. s, [king and craft,'] Royal frauds ; 
 
 Hiauagement of wicked kings to gain power. 
 
 The 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 21 
 
 "Kings are as Gods." — Indeed ! — why then they must 
 Like God be sacred, — but like God he Just. 
 If in a King a vicious lust prevails. 
 The people see it, and the Godship fails. * 
 
 The greatest curses any age have known 
 Have issued from tlie temple, or the throne ; 
 Extent of ill from kings at first begins, 
 But priests must aid, and consecrate their sins. 
 The tortured subject might be heard complain, 
 When sinking under a newr weight of chain, 
 Or more rebellious, might pei haps repine, -^ 
 When tax'd to dow'r a titled concubine, f- 
 
 But the priest christens all a Right Divine! ^ 
 
 Hoi: fValpole's Epistle from Florence. 
 
 * Tlie time has been when rulers have actually claimed the title 
 of God's vicegerents, and have been literally worshipped as gods 
 by the servile crew of courtiers ; — men gradually bowed down by 
 despotism from the erect port of native dignity, and driven, by 
 fear, to crouch under the most degrading of all superstition, the 
 political idolatry of a base fellow-creature. — After all the lan- 
 guage of court adulation, the praises of poets and orators, the 
 statues and monnments erected to their fame, the malignant 
 consequences of their actions prove them to have been no 
 other than conspirators against the improvement and happi- 
 ness of the human race. What were their means of conduct- 
 ing their governments, of exercising this office of Heaven's 
 vicegerents ? Crafty, dishonest arts, oppression, extortion, and, 
 above all,^/'e and sword. They dared to ape the thunder and 
 lightning of Heaven, and, assisted by the machinations of the 
 grand adversary of man, rendered their imitative contrivances 
 for destruction more terrible and deadly than the original. Their 
 imperial robe derived its deep crimson colour from human blood ; 
 and the gold and diamonds of their diadems were accumulated 
 treasures wrung from the famished bowels of the poor, born only 
 
 D 
 
^2 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Talks he of* sacred' then, — the man's a fool ; 
 His high pretence a joke and ridicule ; 
 Abandon'd to his crimes he soon will find 
 Himself abandon'd too, by all mankind ; 
 With th' Assyrian Monarch turn'd to grass, 
 As much a Tyrant, and as much an ass ! 
 
 to toil for others, to be robbed, to be wounded, to be trodden 
 under foot, and forgotten in an early grave. How few, in com- 
 parison, have reached the age of three score and ten, and yet, in 
 the midst of youth and health, their days h«ve been full of labour 
 and sorrow. Heaven's vicegerents seldom bestowed a thought 
 upon them, except when it was necessary either to iuveigle or 
 to force them to take the sword and march to slaughter. Where 
 God caused the sun to shine gaily, and scattered plenty over the 
 land, his vicegerents diffused famine and solitude. The valley, 
 which laughed with corn, they watered with the tear of artificial 
 hunger and distress ; the plain that was bright with verdure, and 
 gay with flowerets, they dyed red with gore. They operated on 
 the world as the blast of an east wind, as a pestilence, as a deluge, 
 as a conflagration. — It is an incontrovertible axiom, that all who 
 are born into the world, have a right to be as happy in it as the un- 
 avoidable evils of nature, and their own disordered passions will 
 allow. The grand object of all good government, of all govern- 
 ment that is not an usurpation, must be to promote this happi- 
 ness, to assist every individual in its attainment and security. 
 A government chiefly anxious about the emoluments of office, 
 chiefly employed in augmenting its own power, and aggrandizing 
 its obsequious instruments, while it neglects the comfort and 
 safety of individuals in middle or low life, is despotic and a nui- 
 sance. It is foundt'd on folly as well as wickedness, and, like the 
 freaks of insanity, deals mischief and misery around, witliont be- 
 ing able to ascertain or limit its extent and duration. If it should 
 not be punished as criminal, let it be ro?rced as dangerous. 
 
 Sitirit of Despotism, p. 90. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 23 
 
 Externals take from Majesty, the rest 
 
 Is but — a thing at which we laugh — a jest ! 
 
 Let us to Scripture History appeal. 
 And see what truths its ancient rolls reveal : — 
 That great authority which Tyrants boast. 
 As most confirming, will confound them most ! 
 
 When Israel with unheard of murmurs first, 
 Pray'd to indulgent Heaven they might be curst, 
 Rejected God, scorn'd his Almighty rule. 
 And made themselves their children's ridicule, 
 A standing banter, future ages' jest. 
 As damn'd to slavery at their own request — 
 With what just arguments did Samuel plead. 
 Give them the Tyrant's character to read; 
 Explain the lust of an ungovern'd man. 
 Show them the danger, preach to them in vain ; 
 Tell them the wretched things they'd quickly find. 
 Within the pleasing name of King combined ; 
 Deign with their 'wilder'd crowds t' expostulate. 
 And open all the dangers of their fate ! — 
 Yet they sought ruin with unwearied pains. 
 And begg'd for fetters, slavery, and chains ! 
 
 But, it*s replied, heaven heard its suppliant's prayer. 
 Itself choice, out the King, and plac'd him ihere ; 
 Disown d the People's right, and fix'd their choice 
 In providence, and not the people's voice ; 
 From whence the claim of right by regal line. 
 Made Israel's Kings be Kings by Right Divine. 
 
 Yes, Saul ivas King by God's immediate hand — 
 But 'twas in judgment to afflict the land ! 
 In granting He corrected the request, 
 A king He gave them, but withheld the rest j 
 
24 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Gave all that they pretended to require, 
 
 But in the gift he punish'd the desire ; 
 
 He gave ii plague, the very selfsame thing 
 
 They ask'd, when they petition'd for a King ! 
 
 For 'tis remarkable when Samuel saw. 
 
 They'd have a King in spite of sense or law. 
 
 He told the consequences to the land. 
 
 And all the mischiefs that the Word contained; 
 
 Told them, that Kings were instruments design'd. 
 
 Not to improve, but to correct mankind! 
 
 Told them the Tyrant would insult their peace. 
 
 And plunder them of all their happiness! 
 
 Told them, that Kings were but exalted thieves. 
 
 Would rob men first, and then would make them slaves ! 
 
 Then drew the picture of a monster crown'd, 
 
 Ask'd them, if such a villain could be found,* 
 
 Whether they'd like him, and their tribute bring? 
 
 They answer. Yes : — let such a man be King ! 
 
 And is a Tyrant King your early choice ? 
 *' Be Kings j/owr plague !" said the Eternal's voice; 
 
 * It is remarkable, that a king scarcely ever exercised tyraiv 
 nical power over the people, but it was niiiigled with ungoverned 
 vice in himself. Men of virtue and moderation seldom, if ever, 
 turn tyrants. Despotic rule gives the reins to lust, and makes 
 tbe errors of government, and the crimes of life, mix together. 
 It is the high road to cruelty and brutalizing selfishness.— A king 
 of France took out his watcli when he guessed that the axe was 
 cutting off the head of liis favorite, and said, ' My dear friend 
 must make a sad figure just now !' — A hill in Richmond Park is 
 still shewn as remarkable for having been the station from whence 
 Henry Vlll. eagerly looked out for the ascent of a rocket at 
 London, announcing to tbe impatient tyrant the precise moment 
 when one of bis wives was suffering death on the scaffold ! 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 25 
 
 And with this mighty curse he gave the crown. 
 And Saul, to Israel's terror, mounts the throne ! 
 
 Now, Muse, the parallel with caution bring. 
 On what condition was this man their King ? 
 Tho' Heaven declar'd him, heaven itself set down 
 The sacred Postulata of the crown ; 
 Samuel examin'd first the high record. 
 Then dedicates the substance to the Lord. 
 This is the coronation-oath, the bond. 
 The steps on which the throne and kingdom stand ; 
 For which, by future Kings unjustly broke, 
 God, and the People, mighty vengeance took !* 
 
 * Samuel told the people the manner of the kingdom, and 
 tmote it in a book and laid it up be/ore the Lord. (1 Samuel, 
 X. as.) It is plain, the word manner signifies the constitution of 
 the government, or the conditions on which Saul was to be king, 
 namely, according to justice and law ; and this is meant in 
 frequent expressions, by going in and out before them, referring 
 to justice being executed in the gates, and peace and war ; the 
 king was to lead them in one, and direct in the other. This 
 manner of the kingdom was told to all the people, and that 
 implied, that the consent of the people was requisite to make 
 him king, without which, though Samuel had anointed him, he 
 was not owned by the Israelites, but went about his private 
 aifairs till after the victory over the Ammonites. Then the 
 manner of the kingdom was written in a book — a token of its 
 being a compact between Saul and the people ; and Samuel's 
 laying it up before the Lord, is equivalent to an oath recorded 
 on both sides ; for it was there as a witness between the king 
 and the people, and served both as their oath of allegiance, and 
 bis oath of government. — All this being done, what followed? 
 All the people went to Gilgal, and there they (mark the word) 
 made SaiU king.—{l Samuel , i. 15.) 
 
'£,6 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Then mark the needful steps to make him King, 
 How sacred ends, concurring means must bring ; 
 Not Samuel's ointment, not the mighty lot. 
 Could make him King, nor force his title out. 
 The people like not his mechanic race. 
 They see no greatness in his youthful face : — 
 
 " Is this the monarch shall our foes destroy. 
 Does heaven design to rule us by a boy ?" 
 The flouting Rabbies cry ! " We scorn to own, 
 A man that has no merit for a crown. 
 Our King must lead the glorious tribes to fight. 
 And chase the thousands of the Ammonite ; 
 His pers'nal valour must our triumphs bring, 
 'Tis such a man we want, and such a King." 
 
 Away they go, reject his government. 
 Not Heav'n's high choice could force their due consent ! 
 Samuel submits, adjourns the strong debate. 
 Suspends the King he offered to create ; 
 Owns their dislike's a high material thing. 
 That their Consent alone could make him King ! 
 
 Why did not God displeasure then express. 
 Resent the slight, and punish their excess ; 
 Extort obedience by express command. 
 And crown his choice by his immediate hand j 
 Destroy the Rebels with his blasting breath. 
 And punish early treason with their death; 
 With mighty thunders his new King proclaim. 
 And force the trembling tribes to do the same? 
 
 Because He knew it was the course of things. 
 And Nature's law, that men should choose their Kings ; 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 27 
 
 He knew the early dictate was his oivn. 
 That reason acted from himself a\one.* 
 
 " 'Tis just," says the Almighty Power, "and sense," 
 (For actions are the xvords of Providence ; 
 The mouth of consequences speaks aloud. 
 And Nature's language is the voice of God :) 
 " 'Tis just," says he, " the people should be shown. 
 The man that wears it, can deserve the crown. 
 Merit will make my choice appear so just. 
 They'll own him fit for the intended trust ; 
 Confirm by reason my exalted choice. 
 And make him King by all the people's voice. 
 Let Ammon's troops my people's tents invade. 
 And Israel's trembling sons, to fear betray'd, 
 
 * It is alledged, that tlie vulgar are not capable of judging 
 concerning principles of government ; I answer, they are then 
 not capable of being guilty of transgression ; for where tliere is a 
 want of capacity of judgment, there can be no sin. This is a 
 dangerous argument, my Lords, and exposes government to tlie 
 violence of every one wlio can overturn it with impunity. You 
 have no defence against any person in this case who is resolute, 
 except superior strength ; for the gallows will not frighten a man 
 who is not conscious of guilt, if he has any degree of natural 
 fortitude. Try to persuade the vulgar that there is any case in 
 which they cannot sin, and you will soon perceive what opera- 
 tion it will have upon them. But when you tell them tlley are 
 not judges of your manoeuvres of state, they will soon tell you 
 that they cannot transgress what they do not understand: and 
 that you require of them more than the Deity requires of them, 
 or even supposes ; for he requires no duty without first allowing 
 men to judge of his laws, and makes no laws beyond the reach 
 of theii uiideistandin<^.s. 
 
 Sermons to Asses, {Ministers qf State,) p. 57. 
 
28 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS, &C. 
 
 Fly from th' advancing legions in the fright. 
 Till Jabesh' walls embrace the Ammonite ; 
 I'll spirit Saul, and arm his soul for war. 
 The boy they scorn, shall in the field appear; 
 I'll teach the inexperienced youth to fight. 
 And flesh him with the slaughter'd Ammonite. 
 The general suffrage then he'll justly have 
 To rule the people he knows how to save ; 
 Their willing voices all the tribes will bring. 
 And make my chosen hero be their King." 
 
 He speaks, and all the high events obey. 
 The mighty voice of Nature leads the way ; 
 The troops of Ammon Israel's tents invade. 
 His mighty fighting sons, to fear betray'd. 
 Fly from th' advancing squadrons in the fright, 
 'TillJabesh' walls embrace the Ammonite. 
 Saul rouzes ; God had arm'd his soul for war ; 
 The boy they scorn'd does in the field appear ; 
 His pers'nal merit now bespeaks the throne. 
 He beats the enemy, and wears his crown. 
 
 The willing tribes their purchased suffrage bring. 
 Their universal voice proclaims him King. 
 As if Heaven's call had been before in vain, 
 Saul from this proper minute, dates his reign. 
 The text is plain, and proper to the thing, 
 "Not GOD — but all The People made him King ! 
 
 End of Book I. 
 
THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 TO GOVERN WRONG. 
 
 BOOK II. 
 
 The King is ours 
 T' administer, to guard, t' adorn the State, 
 But not to warp or change it. 
 Mark now the difference, ye that boast your love 
 Of kings, between your Loyalty and ours. 
 Our love is principle, and has its root 
 In reason ; is judicious, manly, free : 
 Yours, a blind instinct, crouches to the rod. 
 And licks the foot, that treads it in the dust. 
 
 The Duty of Resistance to Tyrants — Law — Ciistom — 
 Packed Juries — The Custom of Kings to tyrannize — 
 The Custom of the People to dethrone them instanced in 
 James II. — Rehoboam — Royalty a trust. 
 
 Were I permitted to inspect the rolls, 
 Th' eternal archives, hid beyond the poles ; 
 The cause of causes could 1 but survey. 
 And see how consequences there obey : 
 This should be first of all that I'd enquire. 
 And this to know, the bounds of my desire — 
 Why Justice reels beneath the blows of might. 
 And Usurpation sets her foot on right ; 
 Why fame bestows her ill-deserv'd applause. 
 When outrage triumphs over nature's laws j 
 
 E 
 
30 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Why htaveii permits the worst of men to rule. 
 And binds the wise man to obey the fool ;* 
 
 * It is difficalt to avoid laughing at the extreme ignorance of 
 crowned heads themselves, in despotic countries, when one con- 
 trasts it with the importance they assume, and the pomp and 
 splendour with which they transfer their royal persons from 
 place to place. The sight is truly ludicrous. Are these the 
 men, occupied, as they usually are, in the meanest trifles and the 
 most degrading pleasures, who tell us tiiat the government-over 
 which they preside, is a perfect system, and that the wisest phi' 
 losopher knows not how to govern mankind; that is, to consult 
 their happiness and security, so well as themselves, neglected 
 as they have been in youth, and corrupted in manhood by pan- 
 ders to their vices, and Hatterers of their foibles, their pride, 
 and their ambition ? Tiiere is reason to believe that many kings 
 in despotic kingdoms, have been worse educated, and possess less abi- 
 lities, than a common charity-boy, trained in a parish school to 
 read and write. Spirit of Despotism. 
 
 An Anecdote, containing the thoughts of a Despot is a 
 treat. It appears from the Emperor of Austria heading the 
 Holy Alliance against Naples with our money in his pockets, 
 as well as from a letter dated Layl)ach, 28th January, 1821, 
 that his Majesty has the horrors. The letter states, that when 
 the Professors of the Lyceum at Laybach were presented to 
 liim, he made this ?ieivous speech : — 
 
 " Gentlemen — The students of Carniola have always deserved 
 praise, (/mm which their jn'ogress in useful knowledge may be in- 
 ferred). Endeavour to preserve for them this good character, 
 (modern Boeotians). Remain ever faithful to what is ancient, 
 (Tyranny) ; for what is ancient is good, (he means for himself) ; 
 and our ancestors (his Ancestors) ever found it so. Why should 
 it not be the same to us? (The throne-men). People (tyranl- 
 haters) are occupied elsewhere (at Naples) with new notions 
 (principles of liberty), that I (heigh Ok!) cannot approve, (can- 
 not help) ; and never shall approve, (Royal till death). From 
 auch notions (political truth ) preserve yourselves, (God pre- 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 31 
 
 Why its own thunder does not strike the crown, 
 And from the stools of pow'r thrust Tyrants down ; 
 Why it pursues the murd'rer's meaner crime, 
 But leaves exalted criminals to time ? 
 
 Kings spurn at limitations, laws, and rules. 
 And rob mankind — because mankind are fools; 
 Wheedled to act against their common sense. 
 To jumble tyranny with providence ; 
 
 serve the Emperor); attach yourselves to nothing but what is 
 positive, (Despotism). I do not want learned men (the students 
 at Coiienltagen on the king's birth-day, January 2nd, 1821, shouted 
 " Vivat Kex ;" the soldiers, not understanding Loyalty in Latin, 
 and, supposing the students uttered seditious cries, dispersed them 
 with their sabres and killed four: ergo Steel is stronger than La- 
 tin). I want only loyal and good subjects, (implicitly obedient 
 slaves) ; and it is your part to (become drill Serjeants, and) form 
 them (into line). He who serves (implicitly obeys), will in- 
 struct, (that is — keep the students stupid) according to my orders ; 
 and whoever feels himself incapable of that, (non-instruction,) 
 and embraces novel ideas, (knowledge,) had better depart — or I 
 shall myself remove him, (by putting something into his head !). 
 This is a fine and perfect specimen of legitimate mind ; and 
 here is another : — At the Museum of Bologna the Professors of 
 the University shewed this same Emperor one of Sir Humphrey 
 Davy's safety lamps, and informed him that the Englishman 
 its inventor, had, by his numerous discoveries, produced a revo- 
 lution in science. At the word revolution the countenance of the 
 Emperor changed ; he rumped the attendant, and said, the King 
 of England would no doubt feel the consequences of his conde- 
 scension to his unruly subjects ; but, as to himself, he should 
 take proper care not to suffer any of his subjects to make revo- 
 lutions! — '^What is ancient is good." Stick to that, Despots! Your 
 ancestors, 'an please your Majesties, groped without safety lamps 
 —1 pray that you may, till you be no more. 
 
32 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 To hope from God what God expects from them. 
 For what they ought to do, look up to Him ; 
 Leave unperform'd the duties which they know, 
 And lift up hands they should employ below ! 
 
 Christians must no more miracles expect. 
 The men that will be slaves. He'll not protect ; 
 God never will our base petitions hear. 
 Till our endeavours supersede our prayer ; 
 Not always then ; but nation's may be sure. 
 The willing bondage ever shall endure. 
 They that would have His power to be their friend. 
 Must, with what power they have, their right defend.^ 
 
 The laws of God, God makes us understand. 
 The laws of Nature never countermand. 
 Nature prescribes, for 'tis prescrib'd to sense. 
 Her first of laws to man — is self-defence. 
 This then is Law to man, from God on high. 
 Resisting live — or unresisting die ! 
 He always works by means, and means he'll bless. 
 With approbation, often with success. 
 
 Nor prayers nor tears will revolutions make. 
 Tyrants pull down, or irksome bondage break ; 
 'Tis our own business ; and He lets us know. 
 What is our business, he expects we'll do. 
 
 Tyrants sometimes in Revolutions fall. 
 Though their destruction's not design'd at all ; 
 So hasty show'rs, when they from heav'n flow down. 
 Are sent to fructify, and not to drown ; 
 
 * God punishes bad kings and oppressors, as he does the rest of 
 mankind — through liis instruments, Thf, People. It is the only 
 way by which he has ever made an example of tyrants as a 
 terror to others. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 33 
 
 And, in the torrent, if a drunkard sink, 
 'Tis not the flood that drowns him, but the drink; 
 Yet who would say, because a sinner's slain. 
 For fear of drowning, we must have no rain. 
 
 It's doubtful who live most unnatural lives. 
 The subject that his liberty survives. 
 Or kings that trample law and freedom down. 
 And make free justice truckle to the crown. 
 
 Law is the master-spring of government — 
 The only Right Divine that heaven has sent,* 
 
 •" The tyrant Henry VIII., by making himself the head of the 
 Church, clearly begat the Right Divine. The King could give 
 bishoprics, and the Bishops could give opinions. " Your ]Ma= 
 jesty is the breath of our nostrils," said Bishop Neil to James I., 
 and speaking of himself and brethren as to worldly advantages, 
 he certainly spoke the truth. Before the Kings of England were 
 heads of the Church we heard little of divine right, and some- 
 times the Church itself was seen on the side of freedom ; since 
 that time, never. The doctrine in England, that the King can 
 do no wrong, supposes the positive responsibility of his Minis- 
 ters. But, that it is a dangerous licence of language, is wit- 
 nessed in a Right Reverend exposition of this kingly privi- 
 lege in regard to Adultery. The Bishop leaped from political to 
 moral delinquency, with a casuistry worthy an admirer of the 
 royal power of translation. The Abbe de Choisy, a Priest of 
 the same school as the British Father in God, though not of the 
 same church, dedicated an edition of Thomas a Kempis, on the 
 ' Imitation of Chrisf to Madame de Mainteuon, a courtesan and 
 mistress to Louis XIV,, prefixing this motto : " Hear oh ! daugh- 
 ter, and consider, and incline thine ear ; forget also thine own 
 people, and thy father's house ; so shall the King greatly desire thyi 
 beauty .'"Psa.slv. 10, n. 
 
 The Court's a golden but a fatal circle, 
 Upon whose magic skirts a thousand devils 
 
34 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 It forms the order of the world below. 
 And all our blessings from that order flow. 
 Law is the life-blood of the social state ; 
 Subordinate to law is magistrate ; 
 To set the magistrate above the law. 
 Would all to error and confusion draw. 
 He's not a king that's not prescribed by laws — 
 King's, the effect, but government's the cause. 
 
 Of all authority for Right Divine, 
 Custom's the worst, for every royal line. 
 
 The still-born Ignorance of antiquity, 
 Quirk'd into life to cozen freemen by. 
 Lawyers call Custom ; and, for custom, draw 
 On custom still, to still call custom, Law ! 
 So ' rules' the Bench, and so the maxim takes. 
 The fault one age commits, no age forsakes ! 
 
 Begot by fools, maintain'd by knaves and fools. 
 Improved by craft in error's public schools ; 
 With shifting face, with loose and stammering tongue. 
 The juggling fraud has plagued the world too long ; 
 Modern encroachments on our freedom makes. 
 And backs it with our fathers' old mistakes : 
 As if our rev'rence, to their virtues due. 
 Should recommend their crimes and follies too 1 
 
 This vapour Custom, this mere wand'ring cloud 
 Puffs the crown'd wretch, and helps to make him proud. 
 Persuades him to believe it must be true. 
 Homage to Law, becomes the Tyrant's due ! 
 
 In crystal forms, sit tempting innocence, 
 And beckon early virtue from its centre. 
 
 Anon, quoted by Dr. Watts. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 35 
 
 Thus Priestcraft preaches, and thus Lawyers draw 
 An after age, to call a custom — Law ! 
 
 And yet this boasted, ever-quoted thing. 
 Fails in the point — fails to support the king : 
 For though by custom, kings have learn'd to ride 
 A few vile minions, to support their pride. 
 The people always have opposed the cheat. 
 It never was iheir custom to submit ; 
 The Practice of the people made the name. 
 For practices and customs are the same ; 
 And custom this one mighty truth will tell. 
 When kings grow tyrants, nations will rebel. 
 The people may, for custom gives assent. 
 Dethrone the man, to save the Government ! 
 
 If any say the practice is not so. 
 Let them to England for examples go. 
 England the Right Divine of kings profess'd* 
 And all the marks of slavery caress'd ; 
 Long courted chains, but 'twas in court disguise. 
 And holy fraud conceal'd the sacred lies — 
 The Church the mountebank, the King the jest. 
 The ivheedled monarch, and the wheedling priest ! 
 James proved the patient, crouching, loyal tribe. 
 But let h.\^fate their loyalty describe ! 
 
 * Sir Robert Filiner, the great chanipioa of Divine Right 
 having defended it in print, Algernon Sidnej' drew out a system 
 of original power, and government according to the laws of God, 
 nature, and reason. Before it was finished, the friends of Divine 
 Right seized the manuscript, and finding Sidney's arguments un- 
 answerable, they laid aside the work, and fell upon the man ; 
 — so they cut oft' his head, merely because they could not an- 
 swer his book. 
 
36 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 With life-and-fortune, churchmen back'd the crown/ 
 In crushing all men's freedom but their own. 
 Then, under colour or pretence of law. 
 Villains their victims to the shambles draw. 
 Where sat the scoundrel Chief in ermined pride. 
 And a pack'd jury in the box beside. 
 The farce commences — justice heaves a groan — 
 The case is clear — a verdict for the Crown ! 
 When noble Russell and brave Sidney fell. 
 Judges themselves rung out Law's funeral knell ! 
 
 * A Courtier's loyalty is charmingly pictured in tlie portrait of 
 Bubb Doddingtou, drawn by hiraself in his celebrated Diary. 
 He was by trade a Borougbmonger, and his stock consisted of six 
 Members in the House of Commons, which he jobbed about and 
 sold to the best bidder. At the close of liis bargain and sale of 
 the whole in a hnnp to the Duke of Newcastle for tiie king's ser- 
 rice, there is afinish which renders the painting a fine and match- 
 less Cabinet specimen. — Bubb, who had been in disgrace at court 
 for selling them elsewhere, said to tlie duke, " I knew I had 
 given nojus< cause ofoffence, but that I could not justify it withHis 
 Majesty; that it was enough that He (the king) was dis- 
 pleased, to make tne think that / was in the wrong, and to 
 beg Him to forget it : I would not even be in the right against 
 HIM !" The duke was delighted with this loyal and dutiful sub- 
 mission. Bubb says, " He took mc up in his arms, and kissed me 
 twice !" and Bubb was rewarded for laying his six members of 
 the honorable house at the foot of the throne with the price he 
 stipulated for— namely, the treasurership of the navy, and a peer- 
 age ! The story was beautifully and most impressively related by 
 the excellent-hearted and inflexible John Hunt, in his noble 
 and succestful defence, on the trial of an ex officio information for 
 words in the Examiner charged not as false, but as libellous on 
 the Honorable House. 
 
TO GOVERN WKONG. 37 
 
 Yet when their oivn destruction they foresaw, 
 The passive knaves cried Liberty and Laio ! 
 Took from their best of Kings his Right Divine, 
 And abrogated fealty to the Hne ; 
 They made a precedent, dropp'd T from Treason, 
 And found the best of ivords behind it — reason ! 
 
 The crown's a symbol, that the people meant. 
 To mark their choice, or form of government ;* 
 The crown is theirs, and this has been their plan, 
 To make the office sacred, not the 7nan : 
 Hence, if a tyrant on the throne appears. 
 The place is vacant, and the crown is theirs. 
 
 David, the patient tribes too much opprest, 
 Vex'd them with tribute, and deny'd them rest ; 
 Harass'd the land with imposts and alarms. 
 Taxing and fighting — money ! and to arms ! 
 
 His son, however wise, disturbed their peace, 
 With taxes for his sumptuous palaces ; 
 
 * All Majesty is derived from Law founded on right reason. A 
 strength beyond tliat is mere force. The Magistrate formerly 
 had no Majesty but while engaged in magisterial duties. His 
 real dignity consisting in his legal authority. 
 
 When the ancient parliaments of France met according to the 
 constitution annually, the king went to meet the members seated 
 in a waggon drawn by oxen, which a waggoner drove with his 
 goad to the parliament house ; but he was in no state until he 
 was seated there, robed and crowned, and sceptred. And, in- 
 deed, in that place only, where the great affairs of the Com- 
 monwealth are transacted, can it be said, that Real Majesty 
 does truly and properly reside ; and not where the king plays, 
 or dances, or prattles with his women, when the vulgar are 
 always styling him, your Majesty. 
 
 Hotoman's Franeo-gallia, p. 73. 
 
38 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 His love of women and his garish state. 
 
 His love of pomp and show, and looking great ; 
 
 His building projects, and his vast designs. 
 
 Too vast for all the gold of Ophir's mines. 
 
 The people's hearts dismay'd, their feelings pain'd. 
 
 Their love unsettled, and their treasures drain'd.* 
 
 By two such vig'rous monarchs long opprest. 
 The next that came they loyally addrest ; 
 Implored his gracious majesty would please 
 To tax them less, and let them live in peace. 
 The son of Solomon with anger hears 
 The people dare to offer him their pray'rs. 
 Spurns their Address, his rage no bounds restrain, 
 And thus he gives his answer with disdain : — 
 
 " I bear from Heaven the ensigns of my sway. 
 My business is to rule, and your's obey : 
 Therefore your scandalous Address withdraw, 
 'Tis my command, and my command's your law : 
 Sedition grows from seeds of discontent, 
 Ax\A faction always snarls at government : 
 But since my throne from God alone I hold. 
 To Him alone my councils I unfold ; 
 My resolutions he has made your laws. 
 You are to know my actions. He the cause ! 
 
 • Solomon could have but two occasions for money ; one for 
 his costly b^liding^>, tiie other for his numerous women, for he 
 uever had any wars. To the expense of his buildings the 
 kings of other countries contributed largely ; so that it must 
 have been his excesses in women, and other luxurious indul- 
 gences, that caused Lim to oppress the people with heavy bur- 
 dens of taxes. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 39 
 
 Wherefore I stoop, to let you understand, 
 
 I double all the taxes of the land. 
 
 And if your discontents and feuds remain. 
 
 Petition — and I'll double them again ! 
 
 The mild correction which my Father gave. 
 
 Has spoil'd the people he design'd to save ; 
 
 You murmur'd then, but had you thus been used. 
 
 You'd ne'er his easy clemency abused !" 
 
 The injured people, treated with disdain. 
 Found their Petitions and Addresses vain ! 
 Long had they made submissions to the crown. 
 And long the love of Liberty had known ; 
 The kings they ask'd of God had let them see. 
 
 What God himself foretold of tyranny. 
 
 The father had exhausted all their stores. 
 
 With costly houses, and more costly whores ; 
 
 But doubly robb'd by his encroaching son. 
 
 They rather chose to die, than be undone ; 
 
 And, thus resolving, by a single stroke. 
 
 Ten tribes revolted, and their bondage broke 1 
 The tyrant, in his sceptred bloated pride. 
 
 Believing God and blood upon his side ; 
 
 To the high altar in a rage repairs, 
 
 And rather tells his tale, than makes his prayers :* . 
 " Behold !" says he, " the slaves, o'er whom I reign. 
 
 Have made the pow'r I had from Thee in vain ; 
 
 From thy diviner rule they separate. 
 
 And make large schisms both in Church and State ; 
 
 My just intentions are, with all my force. 
 
 To check rebellion in its earliest course ; 
 
 * The author has taken a poetical licence here. For scripture 
 docs not'i/ay that Reboboam prayed to the Lord. 
 
40 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Revenge th' affronts of my insulted throne. 
 
 And save thy injured honour, and my own ; 
 
 And as thy counsels did my fathers bless. 
 
 He claims thy help, who does their crown possess!" 
 
 Listen ye kings, ye people all rejoice. 
 And hear the answer of th' Almighty voice : 
 Tremble, ye tyrants, read the high commands. 
 In sacred writ the sacred sentence stands ! 
 
 " Stir not afoot ! thy new-rais'd troops disband !" 
 Says THE Eternal; — " it is my command ! 
 I raised thy fathers to the Hebrew throne, 
 I set it up, but you yourselves pull down ! 
 For when to them I Israel's sceptre gave, 
 'Twas not my chosen people to enslave. 
 My first command no such commission brings, 
 / jnade no tyrants, though / made you kings; 
 But you my people vilely have opprest. 
 And misapplied the powers which you possest. 
 'Tis Nature's laws the people now direct. 
 When Nature speaks, I never contradict. 
 Draw not the sword, thy brethren to destroy. 
 The liberty they have, they may enjoy ; 
 I ever purposed, and I yet intend. 
 That what they may enjoy, they may defend ; 
 They have deserted from a misused throne, 
 " The things from Me" — the crime is all thy own !"* 
 
 * When the ten tribes revolted from Rehoboam, and chose Je- 
 roboam king, there is no doubt they limited him by law ; for many 
 years afterwards king Ahab, one of liis successors, admiring a 
 herb-garden near to his own palace, applied to the owner, Na- 
 both, and offered him either a vineyard for it, or the worth of it 
 in money; but Naboth would neither exchange nor t\\ it, and 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 41 
 
 If kings no more be flatter'd and deceived. 
 Nor shun too late, the knaves they have beheved; 
 If as ' trustees for uses' they agree 
 To act by Hmited authority ; 
 Subordination will its order keep. 
 Ambition die, and all rebellion sleep. 
 The weeping nations shall begin to laugh. 
 The subjects easy, and the rulers safe. 
 Plenty and peace embrace just government. 
 The king be pleased, the people be content. 
 
 If any king is hoodwink'd to believe. 
 People will blind obedience to him give ; 
 Let him pause long, before he dares to try. 
 They all by practice give their words the lie !* 
 
 Abab returned home so vexed, that he went to bed and would 
 not eat any thing. Naboth having thus displeased the king, the 
 courtiers got up a charge of Blasphemy and Sedition against him 
 by means of false witnesses hired on purpose ; he was found 
 guilty and executed, and Ahab got possession of the garden, pro- 
 bably as a forfeiture to the crown. It is clear, therefore, that 
 Abab's power was restrained by law, for it was not until Nabot 
 was murdered under the forms of law, that the king could get the 
 poor man's property. Another thing is very remarkable : as 
 soon as the murder was completed, and the king had got the 
 garden, there was an honest Father in God, who, instead of say- 
 ing ' the king could do no wrong,' went to his majesty, charged 
 him with the crime, and denounced his downfall, which happen- 
 ed accordingly, through his listening to flattering ecclesiastics, 
 and his fondness for military affairs. If the Bishop of London 
 should desire to preach on this story, he is informed that he may 
 find it in the Bible, 1 Kings, xxi. 
 
 * Flattery is a fine picklock of tender ears ; especially of 
 those whom fortun hath home high upon their wings, that submit 
 
42 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS, &C. 
 
 Art may by mighty dams keep out the tide, 
 Check the strong current, and its streams divide; 
 Pen up the rising waters, and deny 
 The easy waves to glide in silence by : 
 But if the river is restrain'd too long. 
 It swells in silence to resent the wrong ; 
 With fearful force breaks opposition down. 
 And claims its native freedom for its own. 
 So Tyranny may govern for a time. 
 Till Nature drowns the tyrants with their crime ! 
 
 their dignity and authority to it, by a soothing of themselves. For, 
 indeed, men could never be taken in that abundance with the 
 springes of others' flattery, if they be^an not there ; if they did 
 but remember how much more protitable the bitterness of truth 
 were than all the honey distilling from a whorish voice, which is 
 not praise but poison. But now it is come to that extreme of 
 folly, or rather madness, with some, that he that flatters them mO' 
 destltj, or sparingly, is thought to malign them. 
 
 Ben Jimson. 
 Ttie ears of kings are so tingled with a continual uniform ap- 
 probation, that they have scarce any knowledge of true praise. 
 Have they to do with the greatest fool of all their subjects — 
 they have no way to take advantage of him : by the flatterer 
 saying, " It is because he is my king," he thinks he has said 
 enough to imply that he therefore suffered himself to be over- 
 come. This quality stifles and confuses the other trae and es- 
 sential qualities which are sunk deep in the kingship. 
 
 Montaigne. 
 
 End of Book II. 
 
THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 TO GOVERN WRONG. 
 
 BOOK III. 
 
 Nations would do well 
 
 T' extort their tninclieons from the puny hands 
 Of Heroes, whose infirm and baby minds 
 Are gratified with mischief; and who spoil. 
 Because men suffer it, their Toy — The World, 
 
 Tyrants deposed to preserve the Throne — In Europe — In 
 England before the Conquest — By each other since. — No 
 right line any tohere — Difference between Tyrants and 
 Kings — Government instituted by the People for their 
 oxvn good — Tyrants treat men as cattle to be slaughtered 
 — God decrees their fall — Ordains Revolutions by the 
 People. 
 
 OEARCH we the long records of ages past. 
 Look back as far as antient rolls will last ; 
 Beyond what oldest history relates. 
 While kings had people, people magistrates ; 
 Nations, e'er since there has been king or crown. 
 Have pull'd down tyrants to preserve the throne. 
 The laws of nature then, as still they do. 
 Taught them, their rights and safety to pursue ; 
 That if a king, who should protect, destroys. 
 He forfeits all the sanction he enjoys. 
 
44 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 There's not a nation ever own'd a crown. 
 
 But if their kings opprest them, puU'd them down ; 
 
 Concurring Providence has been content. 
 
 And always blest the action in th' event. 
 
 He that, invested with the robes of power. 
 Thinks 'tis his right the people to devour. 
 Will always find some stubborn men remain. 
 That have so little wit, they won't be slain ; 
 Who always turn again when they're opprest. 
 And basely spoil the gay tyrannic jest ; 
 Tell kings — o( Nature, Laivs of God, and Right, 
 Take up their arms, and with their tyrants fight. 
 
 When passive thousands fall beneath the sword. 
 And freely die at the imperial word, 
 A stern, unyielding, self-defending few. 
 While they resist, will ravel all the clew ; 
 Will all the engines of oppression awe. 
 And trample pow'r beneath the feet of law. 
 'Tis always natural for men opprest. 
 Whene'er occasion offers to resist ; 
 They're traitors else to truth and common sense. 
 And rebels to the laws of Providence ; 
 'Tis not enough to say, they may — they 7nust; 
 The strong necessity declares it just;* 
 'Tis Heav'n's supreme command to man, and they 
 Are always blest who that command obey. 
 
 * If it be asked, Who shall be judge ? it is plaia that God 
 has made Nature judge. If a king make a law, destructive of 
 human society and the general good, may it not be resisted 
 and opposed? " No !" exclaim a junta of holy men, " it is from 
 GOD!" What is Blasphemy '{ 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 45 
 
 . So France deposed the Merovingian line. 
 And banish'd Childrick * lost the right divine ; 
 So Holy League their sacred Henry f slew. 
 And caird a counsel to erect a new ; 
 For right divine must still to justice bow. 
 And people first the right to rule bestow : 
 So Spain to arbitrary kings inured. 
 Yet arbitrary Favilat abjured ; 
 Denmark four kings deposed, and Poland seven, 
 Swedeland but one-and-twenty, Spain eleven : 
 Kussia, Demetrius banish'd from the throne,§ 
 And Portugal puU'd young Alphonsus down ; 
 
 * CLilderic I. the son of Meiovius, for his lasciviousness, was 
 banished by the great men, and one Egidius, a Gaul, set up in 
 bis stead. Childeiic II. was banished and deposed by his sub- 
 jects, and king Pepin reigned iu his stead ; and so ended the 
 Merovingian family. 
 
 t The League deposed Henry III. and declared him a tyrant, 
 a murderer, and incapable to reign, and held frequent counsels 
 with the pope's legate and the Spaniards about settling the 
 crown, and several proposals were made of settling it, sometimes 
 on the infanta of Spain, at other times on the cardinal of Bourbon, 
 the duke <le Main, and others. 
 
 X Favila, a cruel tyrant, was deposed by the Castilians, who 
 chose judges to aduiinister the government, till they appointed 
 another. 
 
 § Besides the banishment of Demetrius, the History of Russia 
 furnishes a sickening catalogue of the butchery of her despots by 
 each other. During the debate in the House of Lords on the 19th 
 of February, 1821, Lord Hollaad, observing on the Crusade of the 
 Holy Alliance of Despots against Naples, said, " That objections 
 to the freedom of political constitutions came but ungracefully 
 from the reigning Emperor of Russia, who ascended a throne 
 reeking with the blood of his own father; and as tiiis member 
 
 G 
 
46 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Each nation that deserves the name of state. 
 Has set up laws above the magistrate ; 
 Hence, when a self-advancing wretch acquires 
 A lawless rule, his government expires. 
 
 Explore the past, the steps of monarchs tread. 
 And view the sacred titles of the dead ; 
 Look to the early kings of Britain's isle. 
 For Jus Divinum in our native style. 
 
 Conquest, or compacts, form the rights of kings. 
 And both are human, both unsettled things ; 
 Both subject to contingencies of fate. 
 And so the godship of them proves a cheat. 
 The crowns and thrones the greatest monarchs have. 
 Were either stolen, or the people gave. 
 What claim had colonel Cnute,* or captain Suene ? 
 What right the roving Saxon, pirate Dane ? 
 Hengist, or Horsa, Woden's blood defied. 
 And on their sword, not right divine, relied. 
 The Norman Bastard, how divine his call ! 
 And Where's his heav'nly high original ? 
 
 These naked nations, long a helpless prey. 
 To foreign and domestic tyranny ; — 
 
 of that holy league, owed his crown to the murder of his father, 
 it brought to his recollection, that since the time of the Czar 
 Peter I. no sovereign had ascended the throne of Russia with- 
 out its being stained with tlie blood of his immediate prede- 
 cessor, or some other member of his own family."' 
 
 • The leaders of tiie invading Saxons and Danes were mere 
 thieves and robbers, pretending to no riijht but that of the sword. 
 Hengist and Horsa were Saxon leaders, who after conquering 
 Rent, made themselves kings. Woden is famed to be the first 
 great leader of the Goths into Europe, and all their kings af- 
 fected to be thought of his predatory bloud. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG, 47 
 
 Their infant strength unfit to guard their name- 
 Was left exposed to ev'ry robber's claim, 
 An open prey to pirates, and the isle. 
 To wild invaders, grew an early spoil. 
 
 The Romans ravaged long our wealthy coast, 
 And long our plains fed Ceesar's num'rous host. 
 What birthright raised that rav'nous leader's name ? 
 His sword, and not his fam'ly, form'd his claim. 
 Where'er the Roman eagles spread their wings. 
 They conquer'd nations, and they puU'd down kings; 
 Caesar in triumph o'er the whole presided. 
 And right of conquest half the world divided. 
 For Liberty our sires in arms appear'd. 
 And in its sacred name with courage warr'd • 
 Made the invaders buy their conquest dear, 
 And legions of their bones lie buried here.* 
 
 When these their work of slaughter had fulfiU'd, 
 And seas of British blood bedew'd the field ; 
 Shoals of Barbarian Goths, worse thieves than they. 
 From Caledonian Friths, and frozen Tay, 
 O'erspread the fruitful, now abandon'd plains. 
 And led the captured victims in their chains: 
 The weaken'd natives, helpless and distrest, 
 Doom'd to be plunder'd, ravish'd, and oppress'd. 
 Employ new thieves from the rude Northern coast. 
 To rob them of the little not yet lost. 
 
 * The hillocks or barrows still remaining in most parts of Eng- 
 land were tlie giaves of the soldiers. Tliere are four very large 
 ones near Stevenage in Hertfordshire, close to the road. The 
 plains in Wiltshire and Dorsetshire are full of these monuments 
 of the valorous achievements of the Britons in defence of their 
 liberty. 
 
48 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 The work once done, the workmen, to be paid. 
 
 Only demand themselves, and all they had ! 
 
 In dreadful strife their freedom to maintain. 
 
 They fought with fury, but they fought in vain ; 
 
 Yet, like Antaeus, every time they fell. 
 
 Their veins with rage and indignation swell; 
 
 Not for continued losses they despair. 
 
 But for still fiercer battle they prepare ; 
 
 Again their blood the Saxon chariots stains. 
 
 And heaps of heroes strpw th' ensanguin'd plains; 
 
 Thus, though they leave the world, they keep the field. 
 
 And thus their lives, but not their freedom yield. 
 
 Three hundred years of bloody contest past, 
 Plunder'd at first, and dispossest at last. 
 The few remains, with freedom still inspir'd. 
 To Western mountains, to resist retired ; 
 Their dear abandon'd country thence they view. 
 And thence their thirst of Liberty renew ; 
 Offers of peaceful bondage they defy. 
 What's peace to man without his liberty r* 
 
 * The Britons fought one hundred and sixty-three pitched bat- 
 ties. They might well be said to be conquered, for in these pro- 
 digious struggles for their liberty they were nearly all slain. 
 They fought as long as there were any men to be raised ; but 
 the Saxons swarming continually over from vastly populous coun- 
 tries, the few Britons that remained, took sanctuary in the wes- 
 tern mountains of Wales, and from the crags and cliffs, poor and 
 distrest as they were, they made constant inroads and excursions 
 upon the Saxons ; the Saxon Annals are filled with accounts of 
 the renewed warfare. Even the English histories frequently 
 mention the incursions of the Welsh, till, at last, united to 
 England, they seem to be incorporated with tlie natives of tlieir 
 ancient soil. 
 
To GOVERN WRONG. 49 
 
 The conquer'd nation — fell a dear bought prey. 
 And Britain's island, Saxon Lords obey : 
 The shouting troops their victories proclaim. 
 And load their chiefs with royally and fame : 
 The garland of their triumphs was their crown. 
 Mob set them up, and rabble puU'd them down ! 
 Fighting was all the merit they could bring. 
 The bloodiest wretch appear'd the bravest King ! 
 Nor did his kingship any longer last. 
 Than till by some more powerful rogue displaced. 
 
 In spoil and blood was fix'd the right divine. 
 And thus commenced the royal Saxon line : — 
 That sword that vanquish'd innocence in fight. 
 The sword that crush'd the banish'd Britons' right. 
 At pleasure subdivides the British crown. 
 And forms eight soldier kingdoms out of one. 
 From these we strive to date our royal line. 
 And these must help us to a right divine ; 
 From actions buried in eternal night. 
 Priestcraft is brought, to fix the fancied right ; 
 Priestcraft that, always on the strongest side. 
 Contrives, tho' kings should walk, that priests shall ride. 
 
 One master thief his fellows dispossest. 
 And gave, once more, the weeping nation rest ; 
 For Egbert,* English monarchy began, 
 By his Almighty-sword — the Sacred man ! 
 Yet who was Egbert ? Search his ancient breed ; 
 What sacred ancestors did he succeed? 
 
 * Egbert came over originally from France, and was not the 
 successor of any princo of the West Saxon kingdom, nor of any 
 kingdom. 
 
3Q THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 What mighty princes form'd his royal line. 
 And handed down to him the right divine ? 
 A high-Dutch trooper, sent abroad to fight. 
 Whose trade was blood, and in his arm his right : 
 A supernumerary Hulsteineer,* 
 For want of room at home, sent out to war ; 
 A mere Swiss f mercenary, who for bread. 
 Was born on purpose to be knock'd in head ; 
 A Saxon soldier was his high descent. 
 Murder his business, plunder his intent ; 
 The poor unvalued, despicable thing, 
 A thief by nation, and by fate a king ! 
 
 To-day the monarch glories in his crown, 
 A soldier thief to-morrow knocks him down. 
 And calls the fancied right divine his own ! 
 In the next age that ' rightful' Lord's forgot. 
 And rampant treason triumphs on the spot: 
 Success gives title, makes possession just. 
 For if the fates obey, the subjects must. 
 
 We should be last of all that should pretend. 
 The long descent of princes to defend ; 
 Since, if hereditary right's the claim. 
 The English line has forty times been lame ; 
 Of all the nations in the world, there's none 
 Have less of true succession in their crown. 
 
 Britannia now, with men of blood opprest. 
 And all her race of tyrants lately ceased ; 
 
 * The Saxons that carne over were from Jutland, Holstein, &c. 
 The poor countries the Saxons lived in, being unable to support 
 the vast numbers of the people tliey produced, they sought sub- 
 sistence and habitations in fruitful and plentiful lands. 
 
 t A Swiss, alludes to their being mercenaries. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 51 
 
 III fate prevailing', seeks at foreign shores. 
 And for worse monsters, ignorantly implores. 
 The right divine was so despised a thing. 
 The crown went out a begging for a king 
 Of foreign breed, of unrelated race. 
 Whore in his scutcheon, tyrant in his face ; 
 Of spurious birth, and intermingled blood. 
 Who nor our laws nor language understood. 
 
 William the early summons soon obeys. 
 Ambition fills his sails, his fleets the seas ; 
 By cruel hopes, and fatal valour sped. 
 The foreign legions Britain's shores o'erspread : 
 The sword decides the claim, the land's the prey. 
 Fated the conquering tyrant to obey. 
 Harold by usurpation gain'd the crown,* 
 And ditto usurpation puU'd him down. 
 
 Nothing but patience then could Britain claim, 
 Oppress'd by sufF'ring, sufF'ring made her lame : 
 She saw the tyrant William quit the throne. 
 And hoped for better usage from his son ; 
 But change of tyrants gave her small relief. 
 She lost the lion, and receiv'd the thief. 
 Rufus, his father's ill got treasure seized. 
 The greedy sons of mother-church appeased ; 
 Bought up rebellion with the cash he stole. 
 Secured the Clergy, and seduced the whole. 
 So brib'ry first with robbery combined 
 To ride before, and treason rode behind. 
 
 * Harold seized upon the crown by force. He bad oo claim 
 to it, by blood Or inheritance, being the son of Earl Goodwin. 
 
52 THE RlOllT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Ambition, and the lust of rule prevail'd. 
 And Robert's right, on Rufus' head entail'd.* 
 Beau-Clerk next f^rasp'd his elder brother's crou'n. 
 And, by his sword, maintain^ it was his own : 
 The secondf Henry fights, and fighting treats. 
 To own the prince's title be defeats ; 
 Consents to mean conclusions of the war. 
 And stoops to be a base usurper's heir ; 
 Accepts the ignominious grant, and shows 
 His right's as bad as Stephen's that bestows: 
 The royal tricksters thus divide the prey. 
 And helpless crowds the jugglers' swords obey.t 
 Then John,§ another branch of Henry's line. 
 Jumps on the throne, in spite of Right Divine, 
 
 Turn we to mighty Edward's deathless name; 
 Or to his son's, whose conquests were the same ; 
 That mighty hero of right royal race. 
 His father still alive, usurp'd his place. || 
 
 * They were both usurpers, for the true right of descent was 
 in Edgar Alhehng, of the race of Edmund Ironside. 
 
 t Henry II. was obliged to compromise the dispute with his 
 competitor Stephen ; a prudeut agreement, but in defiance of 
 hereditary right. 
 
 X As at the death of Henry I. tlie main line of Normandv 
 ended, so the succession has ever since proved so brittle, that it 
 never held to the third heir in a right descent without being put 
 by, or receiving some alteration by usurpation, or extinction oi 
 the male blood. — ChurchilVs Divi Britannici, p, 207. 
 
 $ King John was the youngest son of Henry II., who hiid 
 his eldest line deposed. Henry was the son of a usurper, a 
 usurper himself, and the murderer of his own brother's son. 
 
 Q Edward III. reigued, his father, Edward II. being a pri- 
 soner, and was afterwards murdered. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 5* 
 
 As Edward on his parent's murder stood. 
 So Richard's tyrant reign was closed in blood : 
 Deposed and murder'd, Edward's father lies j 
 Deposed and murder'd — thus the grandson* dies. 
 Lancastrian Henry from his feeble head. 
 The bauble wrench'd, and wore it in his stead; 
 Three of his name by due succession reign. 
 And York demands the right of line in vain. 
 Thro' seas of slaughter, for this carnaged crown 
 Edward, not went, but waded to the throne ;t 
 Three times deposed, three times restored by force, 
 Priest-ridden Henry's title \ yields of course. 
 
 Short lived the right the conquering king enjoy'd. 
 Treason and crime his new-crown'd race destroy'd ; 
 As if the crimson hand of Power pursued 
 The very crown, and fated it to blood, 
 Richard by lust of government allured. 
 By double murders, next that crown procured ; 
 For silent records trumpel-tongued proclaim 
 The jails and graves of princes are the same. 
 At Bosworth field, the crookback was dethroned ; 
 Slain in the fight, and then the victor own'd ! § 
 
 • Richard II. t Edward IV. $ Henry VI. 
 $ Richard III. veas succeeded by Henry VII. who had clearly 
 no claim to the crown from blood. After him it still devolved 
 with irregularity, although under the Tudors, the doctrine of 
 hereditary right was as vaguely maintained as before. Thus, a 
 Parliament granted to Henry VIII. the power of regulating the 
 succession by wiil, and it was by pretending to exercise a similar 
 power under an alleged will of Edward VI, that the unprincipled 
 Northumberland sought the establishment of Lady Jane Grey. 
 Elizabeth, on the sama ground, was importuned to appoint a suc- 
 cessor, at intervals, during the last twenty years of her reign ; 
 
54 THE UIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 So men of blood, incited by its taste. 
 By lust of rule urged on, laid England waste ; 
 Oppression then upon oppression grew. 
 One royal wretch another overthrew ; 
 They made a football of the People's crown, 
 And brother-tyrant brother-king puU'd down , 
 Succeeding robberies revenged the past, 
 And every age of crime outdid the last. 
 
 Look on once more — the tangled line survey, 
 By which kings claim to bind men to obey. 
 In the right line they say their title lies: 
 But if its twisted ? — then the title dies. 
 Look at it ! — knotted, spliced in every place ! 
 Closely survey the intersected race— *^ 
 So full of violations, such a brood 
 Of false successions, spurious births, and blood ; 
 Such perjuries, such frauds, to mount a throne. 
 That Kings might blush their ancestors to own ! 
 
 and finally, named the King of Scotland in her last moments. 
 These are strange incidents for the advocates of Divine Right! 
 The fact is, this wretched theory was never formally advocated 
 until the days of James I. ; and it may be considered to be one 
 of the precious fruits of that settled connexion between dhurch 
 and State, of which the Despot, Henry VIII., laid the foun- 
 dation. Yet no Despot ever supported himself steadily on au 
 English throne; and wiiat is there to prove, that such men ever 
 can? Look at King Richard IT., he was a finished gentle- 
 man, possessed some taste for literature, and shewed himself as 
 fond of finery as need be ; but he waged war with the common 
 sense of the realm and the rights of the people, — and finally, by 
 entrusting his power to weak, inefficient, and corrupt ministers, 
 roused the anger of a distressed and overtaxed community. 
 MoHAL — They were beheaded, and he was dethroned. 
 
to GOVERN WRON6. 65 
 
 Dh ! but Possession supejisedes the Line ! 
 indeed ! — then king-, as king, has Right Divine ; 
 And, coy Succession fled from majesty, 
 Makes Usuyjnxtion as divine as he ; 
 De Facto is de Jure, and a throne. 
 To every dog that steals it is his bone ! 
 
 Hence tyrants — and from these infected springs> 
 Flows the best title of the Best of Kings J* ' 
 
 * The Best of Kings (Court slang) the King for the time 
 being. — Many a king lias been the worst man of his ege, but 
 uo king was ever the best. In 1683, the very year of Cliarles 
 the Second's reign, in which Lord WiUiani Russel and Algernon 
 Sydney were murdered nnder the forms of law, by packed juries, 
 and the king's passive obedient judges — when the throne floated 
 in blood, and the king's manners were notoriously and disgust- 
 ingly sensual and dissolute — in that year, J. Shurley, M. A. in his 
 ' Ecclesiastical History Epitomised,' gives Charles the title of 
 " the best of kings .'" calls his life and reign virtuous! and prays that 
 his days may be as the days of Heaven! — This loyal author calls 
 himself, The Christian reader's " beloved Brother in Christ! ' 
 
 Of the same king, Charles II., Horace Walpole (Lord Orford) 
 gives this character in his Epistle from Florence : — (^Dodsley's 
 Collection, vol. ill. p. 92.) 
 
 Fortune, or fair, or frowning, on his soul 
 Could stamp no virtue, and no vice controul! 
 Honour or morals, gratitude or truth, 
 Nor taught his ripen'd age, nor knew his youth ! 
 The care of nations left to whores or chance, 
 Plund'rer of Britain, pensioner of France; 
 Free to buffoons, to ministers denied, 
 He lived an atheist, and a bigot died! 
 
 AH kings have parasites and praise ; the Press records their 
 actions; and Posterity gives tlieir characters. 
 
56 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS 
 
 Right of Succession, or what other claim 
 Of right to rule, by whatsoever name 
 Or title call'd, by whomsoever urged. 
 Is in the people's right qf choosing merged. 
 The right's the People's, and the People's choice 
 Binds kings in duty to obey their voice ; 
 The Public Will, the only Right Divine, 
 Sanctions the office, or divides the line ; 
 Topples the crown from off the tyrant's, head. 
 And puts a king to govern in his stead. 
 
 Tyrant and king are vastly different things — 
 We're robb'd by tyrants, but obey'd by kings ! 
 If it be ask'd, how the distinction's known. 
 Oppression marks him out — the nations groan. 
 The broken laws, the cries of injur'd blood. 
 Are languages by all men understood !* 
 
 • Tyrants lose all respect for humanity, in proportion as they are 
 sunk beneath it; taught to believe themselves of a different spe- 
 cies, they really become so; lose their participation with their 
 kind; and, in mimicking the God, dwindle into the brute! Blind 
 with prejudices as a mole, stung with truth as with scorpions, 
 sore all over with wounded pride like a boil, their minds a heap 
 of morbid proud flesh and bloated humours, a disease and gan- 
 greue in the state, instead of its life-blood and vital principle — 
 foreign despots claim mankind as their property. Tliey regard 
 men crawling oil the face of the earth as we do insects that cross 
 our path, and survey the common drama of human life as a fan- 
 toccini exhibition got up for their anmsement. It is the over- 
 weening, aggravated, intolerable sense of swelling pride and un- 
 governable self-will that so often drives them mad ; as it is their 
 blind fatuity and insensibility to all beyond themselves, that, 
 transmitted through successive generations, and confirmed by 
 regal intermarriages, in time makes them idiots. 
 
 HazUtt's Political Essays, p. 341. 
 
TO GOVERN WRONG. 57 
 
 Just laws and liberty make patriot kings ; 
 Tyrants and tyranny are self-made things.* 
 
 * Though a Despot be transformed into a limited king, he is in 
 heart and purpose still a despot. He feels duress ; he is not at 
 liberty to oppress at his pleasure ; and he awaits an opportunity 
 to exercise ' the Right Divine of Kings to govern wrong;' for lie 
 holds the doctrine that " oaths are not to be kept with subjects." 
 In the reign of Richard II. the Duke of Norfolk apprised tlie 
 Duke of Hereford, that the King purposed their destruction : — 
 Hereford. — God forbid !— He has sworn by St. Edward, to 
 be a good Lord to me and the others. 
 
 Norfolk.—So has he often sworn to me by God's Body : 
 but I do not trust him the more for that .' 
 
 Every restored despot has become an unblushing and shame- 
 less perjurer ; where is there in history an instance to the con- 
 trary ? — Once a Despot, and always a Despot. 
 
 Alfred the Great is the only King in our annals who being 
 guilty of misgovernment, and seeing its evils had the high courage 
 to acknowledge his crime by amendment. At the commence- 
 ment of his reign he seemed to consider his exalted dignity as an 
 emancipation from restraint, and to have found leisure, even 
 amidst his struggles with the Danes, to indulge the impetuosity of 
 his passions. His immorality and despotism provoked the censure 
 of the virtuous; lie was haughty to his subjects, neglected the ad- 
 ministration of justice, and treated with contempt the complaints 
 of the indigent and oppressed. In the eighth year of his reign 
 he was driven from the throne by the Danes. Narrowly escaping 
 death and enduring many hardships, adversity brought refloc- 
 tion. According to the piety of the age, instead of tracin^^ 
 events to their political sources, he referred them immediately 
 to the providence of God ; and considered his misfortunes as the 
 instrument with which Divine Justice punished his past enormi- 
 ties. By his prudence and valour he regained the throne, and 
 drew up a code of laws by which he ordained the government 
 should be administered. Magistrates trembled at his stern im- 
 partiality and inflexibility. He executed forty-four judges in 
 I 
 
 r 
 
60 THE RIGHT DIVINE OF KINGS, &r. 
 
 No ! He has issued no such foul command, 
 But dooms down Despots by the People's hand ; 
 Marks tyrants out for fall in every age. 
 Directs the justice of the people's rage; 
 And hurling vengeance on all royal crimes. 
 Ordains the Revolutions of the times! 
 
 A thing of no bowels- 
 
 froni the crown to tlie toe, topfull 
 Of direst cruelty. — His Realm a slaughter-house — 
 
 The swortls of soldiers are his teeih 
 
 Iron for Naples, hid with English gilt. 
 
 SUAKSPEARC. 
 
 The End. 
 
 Printed by W.IIone, Ludgate Hill, London. 
 
^IXHTI^ 
 
 
 GENERAL UlSTKESS iJNUKbASJiU. 
 
 See next Page. 
 
Specimi'ii of a Bank "Sole _ uot to he imitated 
 
 ^,ihmktf,(to t/u- Cvn.suhmtion .•/ t/uBunknimtxr.s run/t/u- insr^uhimr/ ^''^l^'^''''^ 
 
 V; 
 
THE 
 BANK RESTRICTION BAROMETER; 
 
 OR, SCALE OF EFFECTS ON SOCIETY OF THE 
 
 25anfi Bote .f^y.^tcm, anD JDajimcnt!;? in siDolD. 
 
 BY ABRAHAM FRANKLIN. 
 
 »,* To be read from the words «' BANK RESTRICTION," in the middle, 
 upwards or downwards. 
 
 31 
 
 30 
 
 NATIONAL PROSPERITY PROMOTED. 
 
 10. The Number of useless Public Executions dinii- 
 nislied. 
 
 9. The Auielioiatioii of the Ciimiual Code facilitated. 
 
 8. The Forgery of Bank Notes at an end. 
 
 7. Manufacturers and Journeyiiien obtain Necessaiies 
 and Comforts for their Wages. 
 
 6. The Means of Persons with small Incomes enlarged. 
 
 5. A Fall of Rents and Prices. 
 
 4. The Circulating Medium diminished. 
 
 3. Fictitious Capital and False Credit destroyed. 
 
 2. Exchanges equalized, and the Gold Coin preserved, if 
 allowed to be freely exported. 
 
 1. The Gold Currency restored. 
 
 Consequences, if taken off, will be as above: — viz. 
 
 THE BANK RESTRICTION. 
 
 Consequences of its Operation are asfollws: — iiz. 
 
 1. Disappearance of the legal Gold Coin. 
 
 2. The Issues of Bank of England Notes «iid Country 
 
 Bank Notes extendeil. 
 
 3. Paper Accommodation, creating False Credit, Ficti- 
 
 tious Capital, Mischievous Speculation. 
 
 4. The Circulatins? Medium enormously enlarged. 
 
 6. Rents and Prices of Articles of the first Necessity, 
 doubled and trebled. 
 
 6. The Income and Wages of small Annuitants, and Arti- 
 
 sans and Labourers, insufficient to purchase Necessa- 
 ries for their Support. 
 
 7. Industry reduced to Indigence, broken-spirited, and ia 
 
 the Workhouse ; or, endcavourmg to preserve inde- 
 pendence, lingering in despair, conimiiting suicide, 
 or dying broken-hearted. 
 
 8. The Temptation to forge Bank of England Notes in- 
 
 creased and tacditated. 
 
 9. New and sanguinary Laws against Forgery ineffectually 
 
 enacted. 
 
 10. Frequent and useless infiictions of the barbarous Pu- 
 nishment of Death. 
 
 GENERAL DISTRESS INCREASED. 
 
 See next Page, 
 
At the foot of tlie original Edition of the ** Bank 
 Restriction Barometer," which was printed on a 
 large open half sheet, to fold as an envelope of the 
 " Bank Note not to be imitated," were added the 
 following 
 
 NOTE. 
 
 In the Debate in the House of Lords, on the 
 first day of the meeting of Parliament (•21st Jan. 
 1819), Lord Liverpool said, " About the Bank 
 Prosecutions for the Forgery of their Notes, he 
 had only to observe, that a Committee had been 
 appointed, on the order of the other House ; and 
 that this Committee had prepared a Report, stat- 
 ing that Plans had been presented, by which, if 
 Forgery could not he rendered impossible, it could 
 at least he rendered extremely difficult.' 
 
 QUERY. 
 
 By what Interest has the temptation to commit 
 Forgery been encouraged ? and to what Interest 
 have wretched beings been sacrificed for twenty 
 years, when their crime might have been rendered 
 " difficult if not impossible /" 
 
3Buonapavtep]^ol)ia. 
 
 THE ORIGIN 
 
 OF 
 
 DR. SLOPS NAME. 
 
 " I have conferred on him a glorious Immortality !" 
 
 * * * * 
 " With his name the mothers still their babes !" 
 
 K. Henry VI. 
 
 •* David's portrait of 
 
 NAPOLEON, AS HE NOW APPEARS; 
 
 See Page 6, Note. 
 
 Ji^mti) enitton. 
 
 LONDON: 
 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HONE, 
 45, LUDGATE HILL. 
 
 1820. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 In my Dedication of the ' Political House that 
 Jack Built,' to DOCTOR SLOP and his sapi- 
 ent admirers, I have stated, that he is indebted to 
 me for his name. This is true. The little piece, in 
 which 1 conferred upon him that enviable and last- 
 ing distinction, is entitled " Buonaparte-phobia, 
 or Cursing onade Easy to the meanest Capacity.'' 
 I wrote and published it, on an open sheet, in the 
 summer of 1815, to expose the impious and pro- 
 fane curses he then lavished, in T^ke T fines' Jour- 
 nal, upon Buonaparte, on hi x^ty,YX\ from Elba. 
 The exposure was so effectual ' t •ihe Doctor 
 was, in a few days, dismissed from that paper. To 
 cover his disgrace, he openly and unblushingly lied, 
 and attempted to nefariously delude, and otherwise 
 practise gross impostures upon the Public. In 
 answer to his fabrications, and, as a caution to the 
 unwary, the chief Proprietor of The Times was 
 compelled to state the grounds upon which he 
 was discharged, " He knows full well," says T'he 
 Times, in February, 1817, "that his articles were 
 rejected from our columns, on account of the vi- 
 rulence and indiscretion with which they were 
 written ; and that, for more than the twelve months 
 preceding, whatever articles attracted notice by 
 their merit, were exclusively the productions of 
 other gentlemen. — There are, in the Office, sacks 
 full of his rejected writings ; which, if they were 
 
IV PREFACE. 
 
 published, would exhibit an accurate criterion of 
 his puffed off abilities : the sale of our Journal in- 
 creased the more, the less he wrote ; and, since 
 he has ceased from writing altogether, has ex- 
 tended with a rapidity, of which we have known 
 no example, since we have had the management 
 of it." The Times concludes its observations upon 
 the reputation the Doctor assumed to himself, 
 from having been allowed to rave in its columns, 
 with this remark : — " The braying of the Ass will 
 sometimes make the forest ring as loudly as the 
 roaring of the Lion. When the person of whom 
 we are speaking, wrote in this Journal, he brayed 
 in the Lious skin ; since he has written out of it, 
 he will find that he has been braying in his own." 
 Shortly after this castigation, the Doctor's public 
 prostitution was notorious. He is now taken into 
 high-keeping by an old lady at the Treasury. 
 
 Perhaps this brief Notice may be satisfactory to 
 the reader, preparatory to his curiosity being gra- 
 tified with the Jeu d Esprit already mentioned, 
 as ' the Origin of Doctor Slop's name.' 
 
 It is my intention to reprint it in this lasting 
 shape, from time to time, and so long as the Doctor 
 daily empties his night-slush from his Slop-pail. 
 By virtue of my public authority, I hereby ratify 
 and confirm his right and title to the name of 
 " SLOP ;" and, it is my parodial will and pleasure, 
 that he continue to bear it during his natural life. 
 
 45, hudgate Hill, 
 21th Nov. 1820. 
 
THE 
 
 ORIGIN, 
 
 4-c. 
 
 BUONAPARTEPHOBIA, 
 
 OR 
 
 CURSING MADE EASY TO THE MEANEST 
 CAPACITY, 
 
 A Dialogue between the [late] Editor o/'" The Times,'' 
 Dr. slop, My Uncle Toby, and My Fa- 
 ther; embracing the Doctors VOCABULARY 
 of Easy EPITHETS, and choice CURSES, 
 against BUONAPARTE— after his leaving 
 Elba ; shewing HO W TO NICKNAME AND 
 CURSE NAPOLEON, to the best advantage, 
 upon all occasions; being the approved terms re- 
 gularly served up for some time past, in many re- 
 spectable Families, with the Breakfast apparatus ; 
 designed for the use of men, ivomen, and children, 
 of all Ranks atid Cojiditions, throughout the Do- 
 minions of England and Wales, and the Town of 
 Berwick upon Tweed. 
 
 Scene — a Room at Doctor SlopV in Doctors 
 Commons. 
 
 Present — Doctor Slop, My Father, and My 
 Uncle Toby. 
 
 A SINGLE loud tap of a knuckle against the outside 
 of the lower panel of the parlour door, gave note of 
 an humble earnest applicant for admission : — * Come 
 
 B 
 
6 
 
 ill,' said Doctor Slop, in a tone of elevated con- 
 descension. 
 
 The door opened, and a Printer's Devil en- 
 tered. 
 
 With an air of eagerness, bespeaking also a con- 
 sciousness of his being a messenger of importance, 
 the Devil walked up to Doctor Slop, and placing 
 his body in an angle of fifty-five degrees, and his hand 
 in his bosom at the same time, he drew forth, from 
 between his waistcoat and shirt, and delivered to 
 Doctor Slop, a small white paper parcel, directed 
 and folded letterwise, and closed with paste instead 
 of a wafer. 
 
 * The proof of my leading article for to morrow's 
 Times^ said Doctor Slop, with complacency, bowing 
 towards my Father and my Uncle Toby in an apolo- 
 gizing posture for breaking the envelope. 
 
 My Father and my Uncle Toby bowed in return. 
 
 The Devil watched Doctor Slop with a subdued 
 curiosity, bordering upon alarm, as the Doctor un- 
 folded and glanced upon the wet slips. A para- 
 graph, that stood inmiediately above Slop's leader^ 
 announced the appearance in London of David's 
 Portrait of NAPOLEON, as he now appears.* 
 
 ' D — n the infernal Scoundrel to everlasting per- 
 dition,' loudly exclaimed Doctor Slop 
 
 The Devil instantly left the room. 
 
 Doctor Slop vociferated : — ' No sooner is a piece 
 
 *■ The Portrait on the title-page of this Edition was printed on 
 the former open-sheet Editions immediately under the above words. 
 It is engraved from a Painting of Napoleon, by the celebrated 
 David, and is a striking Likeness of him as he appeared just after 
 his return from Elba. The Print was corrected from the original 
 Portrait when it was brought over to this country, for a short time, 
 just after the battle of Waterloo. 
 
of successful villainy achieved by this Monster, 
 than our print-shops exhibit the iron countenanctt 
 of NAPOLEON THE GREAT!— the portrait 
 of that execrable Villain ! that hypocritical Vil- 
 lain! that hare-faced Villain! that dariiig Villain! 
 thsit pejjured Villain ! — that Disgrace of the Human 
 Species ! — the Corsican ! the low-minded Corsican ! 
 the wily Corsican ! the vile Corsican ! the onceinso- 
 /e»^ Corsican ! the beaten, disgraced, and perjured 
 Corsican ! the faithless, perjured, craft-loving Cor- 
 sican ! a Fugitive ! — an Adventurer I — a Mustering 
 Charlatan ! — such a Fellow ! — a Scoimdrel, with a 
 degraded character! — an Impostor/ a despicable 
 Impostor! a notorious Impostor! an hypocritical 
 Impostor! — a Wretch! a desperate Wretch! such a 
 Wretch ! — a Robber! — a mere JBrigand! an atro- 
 cious Brigand ! — a savage Adversary ! — a Remorse- 
 less Ruffian / — a Criminal! such a Criminal ! so in- 
 famous a Criminal ! — that Traitor ! that Corsican 
 Traitor ! that audacious Traitor ! that cowardly and 
 perfidious Traitor ! i\\dit perjured Traitor ! that Arch 
 Traitor ! — a Rebel ! an audacious Rebel ! a vile 
 Corsican Rebel ! an usurping Rebel ! a proscribed 
 Rebel ! an infamous Rebel ! the Arch Rebel ! the 
 Rebel ivho defies all Europe ! — the Usurper ! the 
 Comca/i Usurper! the w?i/i7ar^ Usurper! the bloody 
 and perjured Usurper of the French throne! — the 
 Rebel Chief! — the Rebel Tyrant! the degraded 
 Tyrant ! — the consummate Despot; — V Empereur de 
 la Canaille ! — the common Enemy of Europe ! — this 
 neiv Catiline! — the prodigal son from the husks and 
 draff oi the Isle of Elba! — this Robber is called 
 in by his Brother Thieves ! — his crew ! his per- 
 jured cvew\ he issues bloody orders to Rebels like 
 
8 
 
 * himself, and calls them laws! — he! — the Ring-leader 
 
 * of the conspiracy ! of the perjured bloody set !— 
 ' In THE NEW CONSTITUTION we have lost 
 ' the first consul and his two colleagues, st2ick like 
 ^gizzard and liver — under his wings! — He is the 
 ' most perjidious Wrelck that ever existed on the 
 ' face of the earth ! a Wretch stained with every 
 
 * crime I — tlie bloodiest and most perfidious Tyrant 
 
 * that ever disgraced history! the impure Sink of all 
 
 * the Vices ! — He instigated an attempt to carry off 
 
 * from Schoenbrunn the child whom he impudently 
 ' terms King of Rome — the child born of the 
 
 * adidterous connection between himself and the 
 
 * Archduchess Maria Louisa! — When at Elba, his 
 
 * Sister Paulina served him for a Mistress ! ! ! — An 
 
 * Outlaw from the common pale of civilized society ! — '- 
 
 * a stigtnatized Traitor and Rebel in the eyes of all 
 
 * France ! — England should take the lead in 
 
 " Sounding the horn to kings who chase the Beast." 
 
 * This Monster in human shape, on his blood-stained 
 *■ throne ! this abhorred Monster ! this accursed Mons- 
 
 * ter! — this Viper! this Viper of Corsica! this As- 
 ' sassin of Ajaccio ! this notorious Hypocrite and 
 
 * Liar, with the heart of a Demon, permits no English 
 
 * newspaper but the MORNING CHRONICLE 
 
 * to find its way into Paris ! ! ! 
 
 * He is a Felon and an Outlaw ! — an Oath-breaker ! 
 ' — a Perjurer ! — an arch Incendiary ! — What secu- 
 
 * rity can this Wretch offer us that he will keep the 
 
 * peace ! — he ! a man as infamoiis as if his ears had 
 ' been nailed to the pillory ! — an Outlaw ! — a Mur- 
 
 * derer ! a midnight Murderer ! — an Assassin ! — a 
 
 * living Moloch ! — He has the audacity to proclaim 
 
9 
 
 an amnesty ! — he ! — a Felon with a rope round his 
 neck ! — The Criminal must either abdicate again, 
 or be destroyed ! — He can't last long— he'll die 
 without killing —he is so fat that he is obliged to be 
 lifted on horseback by four Grenadiers, and four 
 Grenadiers are obliged to lift him off again ! — and — 
 as my friend of the Morning Post says, " the 
 " dangerous complaints" with which he is afflicted 
 " (a double rupture and a fistula), has* put a stop 
 " to liis riding," and he refuses to be cured! — It is 
 horrible to contemplate his lije, but his death, what 
 human being but must rejoice at it ! — to destroy his 
 power and person would be on the part of the peo- 
 ple of E7igland most necessary and just ! — now 
 is the time when " his giant's robe hangs loose about 
 " him, as about a Dwarfish Thief T — There is not 
 a street in London, in which at least ten individuals 
 would not joyfully pay their hundred pounds each, 
 to see this Monster hanged!— T'Ae COMMON 
 HALL tvoidd ivash the blackamoor white ! — for 
 this we have to expect the gratitude of the Felon ! — 
 France, we are told, has made pacific overtures. — 
 She! — Now who is this modest virtuous dame? 
 Why truly her name is LEGION !t She is a set of 
 the greatest miscreants on theface of the earth ! 
 —Jf the DUKE OF BRUNSWICK'S MANL 
 FESTO had been firmly acted upon by the 
 Allies 22 years earlier, MOST HAPPY 
 WOULD SUCH AN EVENT HAVE BEEN! J 
 
 * Morning Post, Wednesday, 3d May, 1815. 
 
 t Signifying " many devils" Luke, c. iii. v. 30. 
 
 X The Duke of Brunswick's Manifesto threatened no quarter, and 
 to carry fire and sword through France, if it resisted the attempts 
 of the combined armies to re-estabhsh Louis XVI. France rose 
 as one man, and defeated that ' Holy Alliance.' 
 
40 
 
 Let us wait, it is said, till we are attacked ; but 
 
 would any man act thus, if he saw a mad dog or 
 a wild hea.st sprmvling as Buonaparte now is before 
 him! — this Tiger! — this Hyena! — this Fiend! 
 — this Bloody Dog ! — ' 
 My uncle Toby and my Father had hitherto sat 
 silent, at first looking in astonishment at Doctor 
 Slop, then at each other, and then at Doctor Slop 
 again ; when, supposing that Doctor Slop had con- 
 cluded — a false conclusion, by the bye, for Doctor 
 Slop had merely taken advantage of a triumphantly 
 toned climax, and temporary want of breath, to make 
 the least possible pause until he could proceed 
 anew — my Uncle Toby said, ' Doctor Slop, when 
 
 * you are sufficiently cool 
 
 ' Cool !' cried Doctor Slop — ' Have I ever been 
 ' cooler in my life, when 1 have read or heard of the 
 ' Ruffian?'' 
 
 ' I thought,' answered my Uncle Toby, ' that 
 
 * there was a time when you^ Dr. S , used very 
 
 * different language concerning revolutionary princi- 
 ^ pies and revolutionary men? '* 
 
 «!?_/?_ J ?_When? Where? Pho!— Pish!— 
 
 * Psha!'— cried Doctor Slop, 'What if I did!— 
 
 * What if I did!— What then ? But no matter for that, 
 
 * — No matter for that, Sir, I say! — No matter. Sir! 
 < —What is that to the readers of " The Times ?" 
 
 * What is it to any body ? Buonaparte's a Wretch f a 
 
 * My uncle Toby was right — hence the Doctor's testy evasiveness. 
 
 Some years ago Dr. S was of the Vindicm Gallica School — as be 
 
 calls it ; and seenaed to respect public virtue, and have a decent 
 horror of court favour : now he abuses Sir James Mackintosh, and, 
 whilst drinking deep of the Comte de Lille's Nectar d'Or, discovers 
 " the true odour of sanctity" in the Lys, and — wonders how he 
 could ever have done otherwise. 
 
* Villain! a Fool! an imperial Robber ! an infamous, 
 
 * bloody, execrable, audacious, atrocious, ferocious — ' 
 
 ' Let me entreat you to be cool,' said my Uncle 
 Toby, interrupting Dr. S ' I beg your pardon for 
 
 * hinting at youv former opinions — Don't be so ruf- 
 
 * fled ! pray be cool ! ' 
 
 * Cool !' cried Doctor Slop — ' I am as cool as I 
 
 * have been these two months ! I have not spoken a 
 
 * word which you will not find in ' The Times,'* 
 
 * since the tiger broke his chain, and escaped from 
 
 * his den. He is neither to be thought nor written of 
 ' with patience — he is * 
 
 * But pray,' interrupted my Uncle Toby — * Have 
 
 * you authority to justify the use 
 
 * Heaven grant me patience,' cried Doctor Slop — 
 
 * Read "The Times"— read "The Times"— pray 
 ' read " The Times :" there you will find authority 
 
 * for every thing, and every thing for authority — for 
 
 * legitimate authority — but as for the people, as they 
 ' are called — the pretended sovereignty ' 
 
 * Surely,' interrupted my Uncle Toby — ' there are 
 
 * other papers. Doctor Slop, besides " The Times" 
 ' that ' 
 
 'None! None!' exclaimed Doctor Slop — * not 
 ' one, except " The Courier." St — t is a capital 
 ' hand at a /ea</er, strong ! strong! like myself— some- 
 ' times ; but cannot do a column and a half, or two 
 ' columns, every day, strong all the way through \ 
 ' Look at the Times' readers — how I hit 'em between 
 ' wind and water. A Cit calls — " Waiter ! give me 
 
 * If the reader will take the trouble to examine " The Times" and 
 *' The Courier," after Buonaparte left Elba, he will there find, amongst 
 
 others, ever^ epithet and curse used by Dr. S in this Dialogue 
 
 with my Uncle Toby and my Father. The dates of their appear- 
 ance are not inserted ; for most Readers would have been fatigued 
 by the frequent references. 
 
12 
 
 ' a paper — any thing but '* the Times," for 1 always 
 
 • see it at breakfast. The Times is devilish good 
 
 • this morning, Sir — strong as usual — good and 
 " strong — d — d strong. Sir — Boney's done himself 
 *' up. Sir — What a d — d fool he must be — I won- 
 " der what the Allies will do with him^ — They'll 
 *' certainly hang him, Sir — What a scoundrel!" 
 The Courier keeps up the ball in the evening to- 
 lerably well. St — t and I fit to a hair. No jostling 
 now— no more SECOND EDITIONS, Times Of- 
 fice, THREE o'clock — never clash in our epi- 
 thets about the Wretch — never use the same 
 phrases. As soon as the Rebel landed, I and St — t 
 settled a Vocahulary of terms, and divided it be- 
 tween us.* Each has not only his own part by 
 heart, but what the other is to use also — we know 
 our cue. St — t hits the Tyrant at night for the 
 simple out-of-town people, and the Country read- 
 ing-rooms ; and I come — bang — upon the Villain, 
 in the morning, fresh for the Roysters of the City 
 —the fat flats with lean pates, and the counting- 
 house cuckoos ! — Then look at our sales ! — How 
 can the Traitor escape? — The Courier is a little 
 more courtly, and therefo7'e occasionally more tame. 
 It is the official sink-hole, through which the Trea- 
 sury gentlemen let their little, moderate, half con- 
 cealed secrets, dribble out upon the public. St — t, 
 I say, dilutes sometimes ; but when he does ' go it,' 
 he does it in style. Hear what the Courier says 
 for the last six weeks — about Moloch of course. 
 
 • " That disgusting Fellow! — th^i Hypocrite ! that 
 ' " Man of Perfidy !— the Invader ! — the Master-ja- 
 
 * This Coalition is notorious, though the specific article is kept 
 private. It may be entitled, however, " The Times and Courier 
 Stcret Treaty for the partition of Curses." 
 
13 
 
 " cohin ! — the savage Beast ! — a Coward, unworthy 
 " to live, and unfit to die ! — the Rebel, the Felon 
 "returned from transportation! — the abdicating 
 " Usurper ! entered a gloomy metropolis by stealth 
 " and by night — the other parts of the regime will 
 " be restored, committees of public safety, revo- 
 " lutionary tribunals, and the guillotine! — The 
 " Mutes and Dummies meet on the 26th of May ! — 
 " At the solemn season* that the Jewish people 
 "rejected our Saviour! and chose the murderer 
 " Barabbas! the French reject Louis XVIII.!, and 
 " chose Barabbas Buonaparte! — Let him be called 
 " the Emperor Barabbas ! — the Pacha of Paris ! 
 " — the Emperor of Rag Fair /—the Tiger Ty- 
 " rant I — He tells the blood-hounds they shall no 
 " longer be muzzled ; they shall be let loose forth- 
 " with, to gorge and gratify to the utmost their 
 " thirst for blood! — The European Powers cannot 
 " suffer them to crawl and cringe, and lick the 
 " dust off the hoof of the Tyrant in quiet — the 
 " cruellest Tyrant that ever stained the page of 
 " history !— The Resolutions of THE COMMON 
 " HALL (the Lord Mayor, Aldermen, and Li- 
 " very of THE CITY OF LONDON)— are about 
 " as much the sense of the City of London, as the 
 "resolutions of A CLUB OF POT-HOUSE 
 " POLITICIANS would be the sense of the 
 " people of England ! — It would be to disgrace 
 " and damn the Country to make peace with the 
 " Usurper I — a Wretch out of the protection of the 
 " law of nations ! who is, was, and ever will be, 
 
 * Mr. St — t wrote this at Greenwich Fair season, over a large 
 glass of particularly strong and hot Bourdeaiix Brandy, with some 
 water to it — its smooth surface reflecting upon the Editor's eye the 
 Lys — ai his button-hole ! 
 
 C 
 
14 
 
 ' " A Murderer ! and a Villain ! 
 
 ' " A Slave that is not twentieth part the tithe 
 ' " Of their precedent Lord : — a Vice of Kings ' 
 ' " A Cul-purse of the Empire, and the Rule, 
 ' " That from a &\\t\i the precious diadem stole, 
 ' " And put it in his pocket /' " 
 
 ' I thought,' said my Uncle Toby, * that the Crown 
 ^jewels, and the diamond belonging to the hilt of 
 
 * Buonaparte's sword, were carried off by ' 
 
 * Bah ! bah !' cried Doctor Slop, interrupting my 
 Uncle Toby. 
 
 Doctor Slop continued ' " He is the most fait h- 
 
 ' " less and perjured of mankind — a Robber/ — a 
 ' " Murderer! — ?i faithless, perjured, bloody Tyrant! 
 
 * *' at the head of a military banditti, panting for con- 
 ' "■ flagration and pillage! — This demonof the storms! 
 
 * *' — this genius oj' fire, famine, and slaughter ! — 
 
 * *' this scourge of the human race! this fiend of the 
 
 * " human race ! — this compound of every thing that 
 
 * "25 tyrannical, and cruel, and hypocritical, and 
 
 * ^^ false, and remorseless — 
 
 ' " Remember him, the Villain ! righteous Heaven ; 
 ' " In thy great day of vengeance blast the Traitor !"* 
 
 * Small curses, Doctor Slop, upon great occa- 
 
 * sions,' quoth my Father, ' are but so much waste 
 
 * of our strength and souls health to ' no manner 
 ' of purpose/f 
 
 * I own it,' replied Doctor Slop. 
 
 * Slop was so thoroughly bhnded to his own guilt, that in the very 
 height of his ravings against Napoleon he wrote thus : — ' It is amus- 
 ing to sec the native vulgarity of Buonaparte's mind and manners 
 breaking forth in his language /' They are the Doctor's own words 
 in the Times of the 6th of May, 1815. 
 
 ' O wad some pow'r the giftie gie us 
 * To see oursels, as others see us !' — Burns. 
 t See Sterne's Tristram Shandy, chap. 54. 
 
15 
 
 ' They are like sparrow-shot,' quoth my Uncle 
 Toby, ' fired against a bastion.' 
 
 ' They serve,' continued my Father, ' to stir the 
 
 ' humours — but carry off none of their acrimony: 
 
 ' for my own part I seldom swear or curse at all 
 ' ^I hold it bad— but if J fall into it by surprise, 
 ' I generally retain so much presence of mind as to 
 ' make it answer my purpose— that is— I swear on 
 ' till I find myself easy.' 
 
 ' I declare,'— quoth my Uncle Toby—' my heart 
 
 * would not let me curse the devil himself with so 
 
 * much bitterness. And indeed 
 
 * He is the father of curses'— replied Doctor Slop. 
 
 * So am not 1' — replied my Uncle. 
 
 * But he is cursed and damned already to all 
 ' Eternity'— replied Doctor Slop. 
 
 ' I am sorry for it,'— quoth my Uncle Toby. 
 
 ' When a gentleman is disposed to swear, it is 
 ' not for any standers-by to curtail his curses'— 
 observed Doctor Slop. 
 
 ' If the admirers of Doctor Slop,' quoth my Uncle 
 Toby, ' are pleased with the daily language of" The 
 ' Times," and wondering at it with all their wits, 
 ' men of understanding and liberal feeling may be 
 ' allowed to smile — from views somewhat different 
 ' it is true— and to wonder less. And surely'— said 
 my Uncle Toby, earnestly addressing Doctor Slop, 
 ' you must allow. Sir, that it is not a common affair 
 ' —in fact it is very uncommon— to hear a Doctor 
 ' of Civil Laiv, with the advantages of an early gen- 
 ' tlemanly education, by able tutors 
 
 Doctor Slop, interrupted my Uncle Toby, ex- 
 claiming — 
 
 ' " TJiey taught me language; and my profit on't 
 
 - -- Is, / knovj HOW TO CURSE ! (Caliban) 
 
 ( (( 
 
w 
 
 * " Would CURSES kill, as doth the mandrake's groan, 
 
 * " I would invent as bitter-searching terms, 
 
 * " As curst, as harsh, as horrible to hear, 
 
 ' " With full as many signs of deadly hate, 
 
 ' " As lean-fac'd envy in her loathsome cave. 
 
 ' '' Mj/ tongue should stumble in mine earnest words : 
 
 ' " Mine eyes should sparkle like the beaten fiint ; 
 
 ' " My hair be fixt an end, as one distract : 
 
 ' " Aye, every joint should seem to curse and ban; 
 
 ' " And even now my burdeu'd heart would break, 
 
 ' " Should I not curse them ! 
 
 ' " Well could I curse away a winter's nighty 
 ' " Though standing naked on a mountain top, 
 ' " Where biting cold would never let grass grow, 
 ' " And think it but a 7ninute spent in sport ! 
 
 * " But curses kill not : could I kill with cursing, 
 
 ' " By heavens I know not thirty heads in France 
 ' " Should not be blasted ! Senators should rot, 
 ' " Like dogs on dunghills ! 
 
 * " 0, for a curse to kill ivith .'" * 
 
 My Father and my Uncle Toby bowed ceremo- 
 niously to Dr. Slop, and withdrew, under cover of 
 Doctor Slop's exclamations. 
 
 Doctor S solus 
 
 ' " Why what an Ass am I ? — this is most brave ; 
 ' " That I^— 
 
 ' " Must like a w e unpack my heart with words, 
 
 ' •' And fall a cursing like a very Drab, 
 
 ' " A Scullion ! 
 
 ' " Fie upon't foh ! [Exit. 
 
 The End. 
 
 Printed by W. Hone, 
 45, Ludgate-HUl, London. 
 
SLAP AT SLOP 
 
 33iii3!St--^tifrt (S.Tiig, 
 
 BY THE AUTHOR OF THE 
 
 « POLITICAL HOUSE THAT JACK BUILT. 
 
 Wiiii) Cb3tnti)--Si'ben €nt^. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED BY AND FOR WILLIAM HOKE, 
 
 4j, ludgate hill. 
 
 1822. 
 
 Mdl/C'Circ'.cu, 
 
TO THE READER. 
 
 The Slap, at first arranged in the manner, and 
 in every respect in imitation, assumed the appear- 
 ance of a newspaper, except that the columns were 
 broken by cuts. It was a crown broadside, and 
 the agreeable appearance of the stamp was pre- 
 served by the subjoined diagram being placed at 
 the corner. 
 
 TBINC 
 
 Doubtless every one who entered into the 
 design, was satisfied with the original form of 
 the publication ; yet the author has been per- 
 plexed by numerous applications for an edition in 
 this size. He finds it as difficult to account for 
 want of taste as for it ; but it being the fashion for 
 the minority to be polite to the majority, he bends 
 at last to the too general request, and submits 
 The Slap, with a broken spirit, to go down, 
 bound, with his other little pieces. 
 
 45, Ludgate Hill, 
 1838, 
 
(d^iicj,iiuil ^tiljirse. 
 
 A Bag of puliltcal nuts rciicly cracked, is not only rather dangerous 
 fare to sei've up, but a man who takes the trouble to i-raek them, will 
 find the kernels cleaner and sweeter for his pains. Though they who 
 run may read the greater portion of ihe present sheet, yet there are a 
 few articles that require attention, and two or three are designed for 
 those only who alorte can understand them. 
 
 ]My iirst intention was to parody Si.or's paper, 'The Slop-i-ail,* 
 or 'J/«(.7i: Times,' throughout. But he is as vapid as the IManiuess 
 of LuNXUNDERRY.* What could I do with thoughts as unquotable, 
 as confused, as ill conceived, as ill expressed, as that/;«m«7<^t Lord's; 
 — without depth or originality — as plentifld and superficial as duck- 
 weed. I found not a sparkle of talent in any of Slop's lean ' leaders' to 
 re-pay me the trouble of wearisome reading. Under the ' stringent 
 necessity';]: of varying my^original plan, yet loth to abandon it alto- 
 gether, I have parodied some of the features common to the Si.op-pail, 
 and supplied the department I had allotted to an imitation of his mind- 
 less verbiage with a sketch of iiis Life — fUlhig the remainder of the 
 sheet in my own way, Thsre ax'e discrepancies inseparable from this 
 course, but I write to good-humoured readers, who have no objection 
 to see the mind as well as the person of a friend in undress, and who 
 take as little interest in the decision of the High Court of Criticism on 
 things of this sort, as they took hi the decision of the 'Court of Claims* 
 concerning the 'imposing' ceremony of the coronation, and things 
 of ihai sort. 
 
 The drawings are, as usual, by INIr. George Cruikshank, whose 
 able pencil has had greater scope here than in a pamphlet ; that size 
 would have entirely excluded Dr. Soiithei/'s Vis-^ion, the Jack-in-thc- 
 Green, and the masterly representation of the BRincE-STiiEET Gang 
 destroyhiga i<'/ct' Press, and suspendhig Liberty, while Slop is working- 
 his Press to distort and torture Truth. 
 
 4.5, Ludgaie-hill, The Author or the 
 
 August 2, 182L Political House that Jack Built. 
 
 • Tlie Marcnie.'s calls London, ♦ Aiofnjfn,' 
 
 t A Maniuess is styled 'a mont pitissattt Prime!' 
 
 J For this constipating phrase, see S/op Pail, July 26, 1821 
 
 NOTE.— The Cuts reforred to in the preceding address, are preserved entire in thia 
 Kdition, those that were too large for the present page being printed to fold in. 
 
THE LIFE OF 
 
 DOCTOR SLOP, 
 
 AND THE ORIGIN OF 
 
 THE BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 The origin and the end of this man are alike uncer- 
 tain. He was .sent to Oxford when young, as a student 
 destined for holy orders, under the patronage of the 
 Bishop of Durham. 
 
 ' Go thou and seek the house of prayer : 
 1 to the woodlands bend my way. 
 
 And meet Religion there ; 
 She needs not haunt the high-arch'd dome to pray. 
 Where storied windows dim the doubtful day ; 
 
 With Liberty she loves to rove ' 
 
 These lines, in Mr. Southey's lyric poem, '^ written 
 o?i Simday Morning,' ^ express the thoughts of Slop 
 when a college youth. 
 
 Southey's Mhjor Poems, vol. i. p. 187. 
 
6 THE Lll'L 01 
 
 At that tune he had a sort of conscience ; for, m con- 
 sequence of ail honest course of readinj^, he refused to 
 subscribe to the Thirty-nine Articles. Thus disqualify- 
 ing himself from being a candidate for the ^imposition 
 of hands ' by the Bishop, he for ever rehnquished the 
 prospect of entrance into the church, and cultivated his 
 mind by reading Paine's Rights of Man. 
 
 Fascinated by the writings of Mrs. M.ary Wollston- 
 CROFFT, more especially by her celebrated ' Vijidicationof 
 the Rights of Woman,' he assiduously sought that lady's 
 acquaintance, and having obtained the desired honour, 
 cultivated her intimacy with passionate admiration. 
 On the appearance of Mr. Godwin's ' Inquiry concerning 
 Moral and Political Justice,' he read and studied it with 
 doting enthusiasm ; the chapters on Property, and on the 
 Sexual Intercourse, were particularly to his taste^ — the 
 chapter on Sijicerity, not so much. Hungering for a 
 personal friendship with the author of the Political Jus- 
 tice, who became the husband of Mrs. Wollstoncrofft, 
 he humbled himself before him, beseeching permission 
 to consider that philosopher as his Gamaliel, and to sit at 
 his feet as the least of his disciples. This was granted, 
 and in that school he commenced an intimacy with Mr. 
 Thomas Holcroft and his friends. That gentleman 
 had just been released from imprisonment, under indict- 
 ments for high treason, with Messrs. Hardy, Horne 
 TooKE, and Thelwall, who were tried and acquitted 
 of the charge; and at this time Slop's political fervor 
 rose above the temperament of the most hot-blooded 
 among the patriots he associated with. It had been 
 fashionable to wear the hair long and tied; bethought 
 this aristocratic, cut his hair off to look like a democrat, 
 became a round-head, and was called Citizen S. At 
 length he was marked out from his fellows by the dis- 
 tinguishing appellation of ' the Jacobin,' and he became 
 a Leveller. Affixing to the words ' Liberty and Equa- 
 lity,' an interpretation of his own, he contended with 
 the Spenceans, that there could be no real Liberty with- 
 out Equality ;-^— so he preached the doctrine of all things 
 i?i common, and prevailed on a young man who had 
 imbibed some of his notions, to aid him in proving its 
 advantages. In an attic chamber in the Temple they 
 founded a community q/' goods — lived on short commons 
 — and waited on each other. Here Slop lighted the 
 fire, and fetched water from the Temple pump for 
 iteir joint use, till, tired of the pitcher-duty, he pro- 
 
DOCTOR SLOP. T 
 
 posed transferring the undignified office to Iiis companion, 
 who declined to accept it; and a fierce quarrel arising 
 in this ' perfect state of society,' concerning rig/i/s and 
 duties, the Commonwealth of two ceased to exist. 
 
 In this exigency, moderation, which at one time he 
 seems to have thought criminal, became expedient on 
 many accounts. About 1796 he visited Scotland, with 
 letters of recommendation to respectable society ; yet 
 his wild opinions on religion and pohtics caused him to 
 be disliked by some of the most respectable students who 
 held Whig principles, and who, still holding them, dis- 
 like and shun him now for his extreme violence in 
 another direction. When at Edinburgh, he affected 
 singularity of habit as well as thought, and paraded the 
 streets, especially the Leith-Walk, in a drab dress of ro- 
 mantic simplicity. On his return from Scotland, he 
 employed himself in writing for the booksellers. In 
 1798 he translated the play of Don Carlos, from the 
 German of Schiller, and presented his friend, Mr, HoL- 
 CROFT, with a copy, who says, that ' he executed his 
 task respectably.'* On the 5th of August, in that year, 
 he dined with Mr. Godwin and Mr. Parry (the Repub- 
 lican Editor of the Courier Newspaper when it was 
 conducted on democratic principles), at the house of 
 Mr. Holcroft, where, according to that gentleman's 
 diary ,t he was, ' as usual, acute ; but pertinacious and 
 verbose.' On the 25th of November, he wrote to Mr. 
 Holcroft, complaining of neglect,J who answered by 
 denying such intention ; and indeed his intimacy with 
 the coterie at Mr, Holcroft's, was of the closest nature, 
 and his attachment to that philosopher's principles and 
 person so strong, that he proposed intermarriage with 
 his family, which was declined. He remained ardently 
 devoted to the new philosophy, long after Mr, Hol- 
 croft's death, and until Mr, Godwin found it conveni- 
 ent to decline his wearisome acquaintance. Fickleness 
 and obstinacy, and the exercise of a faculty for incessant 
 disputation, rendered his society very tedious to the 
 philosophers. Fruitless attempts to repress or soften his 
 pugnacious turn, exhausted their patience. In defence 
 of themselves, they disregarded and finally cut him ; 
 
 * Holcroft's Life, vol. ii. p. 269. 
 t Ibid. vol. iii. p. 32. 
 i Ibid. p. 76. 
 
S THI. LIFE OF 
 
 — so that it became the New Times with him m 
 philosophy. 
 
 He rambled to conceal his discontent, and to pet 
 fresh notions and fresh friends. A pedestrian tour 
 thronsjh Scotland, with letters of recommendation, and a 
 pliability of manner accommodated to his new views, 
 effected both. He published his Tour in 1801. It is 
 written with extreme caution. His real opinions are 
 kept out of the book as much as possible ; yet they oc- 
 casionally peep forth ; for instance, he says, ' We seem 
 inspired with enthusiasm to fall down and worship the 
 golden image of commerce; let us not wholly submit our 
 feelings to our purses, and counters, and ledgers — we 
 may be very rich in products, and manufactures, and 
 population, and very poor in the spirits and minds of 
 men !' * — he dare not put that m his Slop-pail. In the 
 Tour, he speaks in praise of the Rev. Sir Henry Mon- 
 CREIFF Wellwood, a Scottish Baronet of IVhig prin- 
 ciples, whose daughter he afterwards married, whether 
 from innate love of legitimacy, or what, is unknown. 
 Before he wrote the Tour, he procured the degree of 
 LL.D. (as the Laureate has done since), and the philo- 
 sopher, who had refused subscription to the Thirty-nine 
 Articles to the Church of England, and had been in 
 turn a Republican, a Jacobin, a Leveller, and a Spen- 
 cean, became a Doctor of Laws, and sunk into the wig 
 and gown of an advocate in the Ecclesiastical Court I 
 Resuming an intimacy with some young men of his own 
 stamp, who knew hira at college, they obtained a place 
 for him — he was made king's advocate at Malta. So fell 
 Slop. Here ended his career of what he called Patri- 
 otism. He mistook passionate heat for the enthusiasm 
 of genius, a habit of loud talking for talent, a ranting way 
 of writing for reasoning, and pertinacity of manner for 
 firmness of character. His vain disputations occasioned 
 him to be noticed, and this he thought equal to being 
 admired. Conceit of ability rendered him covetous of 
 distinction ; he acquired it — 
 
 ' The Court 's a golden, but s. fatal circle. 
 Upon whose magic skirts a thousand devils^ 
 In crystal forms sit tempthig innocence. 
 And beckon early virtue from its centre.' — 
 
 3^ . . 
 
 * Stoddart's Tour, vol. i. p. 12. 
 
DOCTOR SLOP, 9 
 
 The smirks and smiles of courtiers, the tinsel and 
 glitter of embroidered coats and waistcoats, the hum and 
 sops of office, hurried him into the train of ministerial 
 menials, as easily as a beggar's hungry brat is seduced by 
 the finery of gilt paper, and the sound of the shovel and 
 brush, to follow the chimney-sweepers on May-day, 
 through the dirty alleys of St. Giles's. His artificial 
 wants were too many to be gratified by an even walk in 
 the path of rectitude. When he saw that ' public prin- 
 ciple ' was an obstacle to the gratification of his vulgar 
 vanity, he suppressed it — 
 
 * He was no Patriot then, nor gave his breath 
 Bravely to speak his mind, and venture death : — 
 For 'twas his judgment then — though not in youth— 
 One grain of ease was worth a world of Truth.' 
 
 Watts. 
 
 Notwithstanding this, he remained, secretly, a corres- 
 pondent to the Mo7ithly Magazine, and wrote for Sir 
 Richard Phillips. 
 
 Vacating his place at Malta in favour of his brother- 
 in-law, and coming back to seek his fortune, he scram- 
 bled about during a year and a half, in Doctors' Com- 
 mons and among the booksellers, in search of em- 
 ployment, till he procured an engagement from the 
 proprietors of The Times as a writer in that journaL 
 His labours in this way were ardent, but profitable to 
 nobody but himself. On the return of Napoleon from 
 Elba, the ex-republican became an admirer of privi- 
 leged orders, and ' the right divine of kings to govern 
 wrong' — glorified the thrones of the allied despots — fell 
 flat on his face in worship of legitimacy — and affected 
 a beatific vision of the political millenium in the resto- 
 ration of the Bourbons. He soon honoured Napoleon with 
 all the obnoxious designations the language could supply. 
 He called him ' a villain, a wretch, a rebel, a brigand, a 
 traitor, a fiend, a felon, an incendiary, an impostor, an 
 assassin, a viper, a demon, a fool, a living Moloch, a 
 bloody dog, and a blackamoor.'* To these and hundreds 
 of other names, he prefixed innumerable epithets ex- 
 pressive of disgust and hate. Every one but himself 
 saw that such a course must shortly end. The writer 
 
 * See the Tract, intituled ' The Origin of Dr. Slop's Name.' 
 c 
 
10 THE LIFE OF 
 
 of this article being forcibly reminded of the cursing of 
 Trim in Tristram Shandy, ridiculed Slop's Execratory, 
 in a little piece intituled ' Buonaparte- phobia ; or, 
 Cursing made Easy, &c. by Dr. Slop,'=^ It not only 
 insured to him the name of SLOP for ever, but hastened 
 what was neither intended nor anticipated, his dismissal 
 from The Times. 
 
 The persecution of the French Protestants on the 
 restoration of Louis XVIII. and their massacre at 
 Nismes, occasioned the English Protestants to interest 
 themselves heartily for their relief. The Committee of 
 Dissenters at Dr. Williams's Library in Red-Cross-street 
 inquired into the facts, published a verifying Report, 
 and took measures for sending pecuniary succours. 
 Seeking to earn the wages of his prostitution by slavering 
 the hoof of tyranny, and maddened that Bourbon bigotry 
 should be obstructed in its operation, Slop denied the 
 truth of the statements, vilified the whole body of 
 English Dissenters, imputed their humanity to unworthy 
 and scandalous motives, and threw as many daring 
 fabrications as his mercenary pen could create in the way 
 of their efiforts. With undaunted audacity he gave the 
 lie direct to his father-in-law. Sir Henry Moncreiff Well- 
 wood, who, in the kindness and courage of his heart, 
 became President of a Public Meeting at Edinburgh, 
 and inspirited the Protestants of Scotland to co-operate 
 in a national subscription for the persecuted. When 
 Slop's slanders were successfully repelled, and his artful 
 falsehoods exposed, he withdrew without evidencing any 
 other regret than what arose from his having been un- 
 able to effect his unhallowed purposes. 
 
 * ^ ^«? * * # 
 
 His first exploit after his expulsion from The Times 
 was, an attempt to delude the public by engrafting 
 himself upon a quacking newspaper, now known, like 
 himself, by a two-fold name, it being indiscriminately 
 called < The Muck Times,' and ' The Slop Pail.' 
 The imposition succeeded only with a few. His writing 
 gave the lie direct to his puffing pretensions, and his 
 falsehoods were exposed in the paper from which he 
 had been discharged. ' He knows full well,' says 
 The Times (in February, 1817) that 'his articles were 
 
 * This squib is reprinted entire in a pamphlet, intituled ' The 
 OTigin of Dr. H/o/j's iV'i/r/u'.' 
 
DOCTOR SLOP. 11 
 
 rejected from our columns on account of the virulence 
 and indiscretion with which they were written ; and that, 
 for more than twelvemonths preceding, whatever articles 
 attracted notice by their merit, were exclusively the pro- 
 ductions of other gentlemen. — There are in the office, 
 sacks full of his rejected writings ; which, if they were 
 published, would exhibit an accurate criterion of his 
 puffed-off abilities ; the sale of our Journal increased 
 the more, the less he wrote ; and since he has ceased 
 from writing altogether, has extended with a rapidity 
 of which we have known no example, since we have had 
 the management of it.'^ This and other statements 
 were stunning blows to him, and remained unnoticed, 
 because they were unanswerable. 
 
 His overweening pride received another shock through 
 his new friends the legitimates. He went to Paris, and 
 applied to be introduced at court ; but ' The Bour- 
 bon' refused to receive him ! Yes I refused to receive 
 him — Slop ; that Slop who, to gain the favour of his 
 Most Christian Majesty, when he was in England, had 
 * tainted himself with the plague-spot of Legitimacy, 
 till he was leprous all over ; in whose inmost soul it had 
 fixed its mortal sting, and, like an ugly spider, entan- 
 gled him in its slimy folds, brooding on him as on its 
 own poison. 't He — who had abandoned principle, was 
 abandoned by friends, had incurred the world's con- 
 tempt, and had sold himself to the devil in the service of 
 legitimacy — he to be refused permission to bow over the 
 hand of Louis XVIII! — he to be despised and rejected 
 by that same Louis who had received Mr. Street, 
 the late Editor of the Courier, with open arms, and con- 
 ferred on him the order of the Lys ! — this was the 
 nnkindest cut of all! He returned to England in the 
 last stage of mortification — a bye-word — a reproach — a 
 laughing stock ! 
 
 Harnessed with other hacks to the machine of tyranny, 
 he must answer to the lash of the driver, and drag it 
 along, or be trampled over. Smack went the whip, and 
 on went Slop. To support the new order of things in 
 France, it was necessary, in addition to the bayonets of 
 foreigners, that the press there should be put under a 
 censorship, and that the free press of England should 
 
 * See also ' The Origin of Dr. Slop's Name.'— Preface. 
 t Hazlitt's PoJitical Essays. — Preface. 
 
12 THE LIFE OF 
 
 make a monstrous experiment to write up the advan- 
 tages of a shackled press in France. Dr. Slop undertook 
 the task, and joining to himself another Doctor, the Poet 
 Laureate, they united with persons of similar qualifica- 
 tions in France, and commenced operations by announcing 
 a publication called the ' Correspondent ,' which was to 
 appear at London in the English, and at Paris in the 
 French language on the same day. It was conducted on 
 the plan of a ' Class-meeting ' among the Methodists, 
 where each relates his ' experience.' But neither the 
 French nor the English cared a sous about the politi- 
 cal ' experience ' of Doctor Slop, Doctor Southey, or 
 the mad Viscount Chateaubriand, Besides, the Poet 
 liaureate, instead of telling his own ' experience,' told 
 a long story about the Rev. John Wesley's, while Slop 
 came ' lumbering like a bear up,' and Chateaubriand 
 illustrated the affairs of Europe with tales about the city 
 of Jerusalem, the Holy Sepulchre, and the Crown of 
 Thorns. The ^ Correspondent ' fell still-born amid the 
 laughter of the few people of both nations who knew of 
 its coming forth, and perhaps there are only five persons 
 in England who remember it even by name — Messrs. 
 Longman, Hurst, Rees, Orme, and Brown, who had the 
 honour of the profit and loss account. 
 
 Devoid of political principle. Slop's real source of 
 action is pure selfishness. His end and aim are anti- 
 social, because his Slop-pail can only exist during 
 political strife. He would inflame the passions of minis- 
 ters and their minions, to vex and to harass the people, 
 that the people may be irritated into resistance against 
 persecution. He and his fellow-laboureres vilified and 
 goaded whole communities of starving manufacturers. 
 These unhappy men, congregated and organized into 
 powerful bodies, simultaneously demanding a redress of 
 wrongs and grievances, he exultingly recorded to have 
 been dispersed and cut down by the sabres of the military 
 — but not until he had so altered and '■garnished'' the ac- 
 count of the massacre, furnished him by Orton,'^^ as to 
 make it pleasing to the depraved taste of his mindless 
 
 * Henry Ortok, not Horatio Orton the hifonner to the Gang, 
 but his brother. This Henry Orton was a witness for tJic Frosccu- 
 Hon agahist Mr. Heni:y Hunt and others, at York ; and when cross- 
 cxammed by I\Ir. Hunt, as to Slop's Report of tlio ^Manchester Mas- 
 sacre which Orton had furnished, he replied, ' I have nothing to do 
 Avith i\ic garnishin!^ of it!' — See ihc T'ials at York, 
 
DOCTOR SLOP. U 
 
 readers, and serviceable to the political views of his base 
 supporters. This was his harvest ; but he has reaped 
 that, and is sowing another. 
 
 Pending the prosecution of the Queen, the Rev. 
 Solomon Piggott, Curate of St. James's, Clerkenwell, 
 and St. Antholin's, Watling-Street, a man of weak and 
 restless mind, conceived the idea of publishing Cari- 
 catures, by Public Subscription, in ridicule of her 
 Majesty and her supporters. He communicated this 
 design to Dr. Slop, who engaged heartily in the plan. 
 Subscribers were advertised for, and were formed into a 
 body, called ' The Loyal Association,' and Mr, 
 Charles Bicknell, of No. 3, Spring Garden Terrace, 
 the Solicitor to the Admiralty, was the Treasurer. Pig- 
 gott wrote maudlin prose and wretched verse, and illus- 
 trated his unintellectual labours with coloured cari- 
 catures. These were issued to the world through a 
 Publisher of Obscenity, while they were powerfully 
 puffed by Slop m his Slop-pail, and Piggott himself 
 cringed, his way TO Court, and presented the talentless 
 trash to his Majesty in person, who received it most 
 graciously ; and, as an encouragemerd to his labours, 
 subscribed for forty sets of one of his works at a guinea 
 each. But the public judgment refused the rinsings of 
 the sycophant parson's brain ; and the united efforts of 
 ' the Loyal Association" being inadequate to produce 
 a single article of ability from the press, they turned, 
 their thoughts towards an attack upon the Press itself 
 They were deplorably ' poor in the spirits and minds of 
 men,' but ' their purses, and counters, and ledgers,' 
 were productive, and at one of their meetings they aban- 
 doned the project of a Series q/ Publications, and de- 
 termined to commence a Series of Prosecutions, The 
 notorious John Reeves, a plentifully-endowed place- 
 man, who had thrown the country into a state of alarm 
 by a Loyal Association in 1793, entered into these 
 views ; but, as the term Loyal had acquired an unfa- 
 vourable odour, they changed their name from ' the 
 Loyal Association,' to ' the Constitutional Associa- 
 tion.' Piggott's Treasurer, Mr, Bicknell, with John 
 Reeves (both lawyers), got Sir John Sewell (also a 
 lawyer^, a pensioner in the Red Book, to become the 
 president of the confederacy. They appointed Charles 
 MuRPt AY (another lawyer), i\\Q\x ^Honorary Secretary', a 
 very acceptable post to a hungry attorney, who had 
 quartered part of his family in public situations. He 
 
14 THE LIFE OF 
 
 eagerly embraced the office of their Old-Bailey Solicitor ; 
 it brought him fees, and perhaps he expected it might 
 bring him clients. They were joined by Longueville 
 Clarke (also a lawyer^, and the son of a person holding 
 an appointment in a Government Establishment. John 
 PoYNDER (also a lawyer^ resident in Bridewell, to which, 
 as well as Belhlem (two other Government Establish- 
 ments), he is Clerk and Attorney, had been compelled 
 to resign his oflBce of Secretary to the Bible Society, and 
 was at full leisure to become an active confederate. 
 Intercourse with the prisoners in Newgate had given a 
 certain turn to his views ; a drinker of port wine him- 
 self, he had descanted, before a Committee of the House 
 of Commons, on the wickedness of common gin ; with a 
 good comfortable house over his head, at the 'public ex- 
 pense, he had disturbed poor old apple-women who 
 sought an independent living ' in summer's heat and 
 winter's cold ;' he had also a horror, upon public prin- 
 ciple, of street organs in the evening ; and, like his friend 
 Slop, be had experienced the mortification of having his 
 defamatory, and ' mewling and puling' writings rejected 
 by ' The Times — the new concern was quite to his taste. 
 Slop (himself a lawyer^ became the Horn-hoy of the 
 Gang, — to blow the ' great news,' the ' extraordinary 
 news,' of their proceedings — to puff their attacks upon 
 the Free Press of the People — to assist in raising the 
 flame of' alarm throughout the country — and to give the 
 earliest intelligence of their Prosecutions. This paid 
 Slop well, for the trouble he had with Parson Solomon, 
 in laying the Plot ; for, as the adherents to it increased, 
 they took especial care to give their support and influence 
 to the hireling paper, from whence Slop derives the 
 means of supporting his tawdry existence. By these 
 measures, the weak-minded were terrified out of subscrip- 
 tions for anti-social objects ; and the selfish crew having 
 gathered around them the chief priests, and the pharisees, 
 and some of the fattest amongst the placeholders, pension- 
 ers, and tax-eaters, who exist upon the people's labour, 
 they fitted up an office at Walker's Hotel, No. 6, New 
 Bridge Street, Blackfriars, for the purpose of more con- 
 veniently carrying on the imposture. From this ' Den^ 
 they put forth a specious Address, which is rendered into 
 pretty intelligible language in subsequent pages of this 
 publication.* In that paper these conspirators, battening 
 
 Pages 22 — 1. 
 
DOCTOR SLOP. 15 
 
 upon the public purse, and preying upon public cre- 
 dulity, knavishly affected to lament ' a perversion of 
 public principle;' and, with their fingers twitching at the 
 purse-strings of their dupes, hypocritically whispered in 
 their ears about ' mockery of religion P — like the hack- 
 nied procuress who, to effect her designs upon innocence, 
 pretends an extraordinary affection for virtue. What 
 shameful pimping to the whiffling understandings of the 
 timid ! What artful pandering to pampered bloatedness ! 
 What an insolent appeal from the minions of power, and 
 the overgorged feeders upon the public wealth, to their 
 fellow parasites and gluttons ! How dare they to talk of 
 ' public principle,' whose weight increases that enormous 
 burthen of taxation which depresses the labourer to 
 the very earth, and enters as iron into the soul of every 
 industrious man in the country — how dare they to talk 
 of ' public principle /' Then as to their cant about 
 ' mockery of religion' — suppose the writer of this article 
 had published at his house, 45, Ludgate-hill, the 
 following — 
 
 BILL FOR REPAIRS OF PAINTINGS. 
 
 To putting a new top to sir Cloiidesley Shovel's wig, and £. s. d. 
 adding three side-curls over the left shoulder 2 6 
 
 To an entire new head, wig and all, for the Duke of Marl- 
 borough 6 
 
 To mending a Gentleman's nose, supposed to be the elder 
 Brutus 13 
 
 0^ TO A NEW WASH- HAND BASIN FOR HIS 
 EXCELLENCY PONTIUS PILATE! 9 
 
 03= TO PUTTING A CANDLE TO JOSEPH'S LANT- 
 
 HORN! AND NEW SACKS FOR HIS BRETHREN! 4 6 
 
 83= TO SIX STRINGS FOR DAVID'S HARP! AND 
 
 A FRESH WITCH OF ENDOR ! 8 6 
 
 To Oliver Cromwell's Beard, and Queen Elizabeth's RufF... 3 6 
 To a new Pretender for the Battle of Culloden 4 9 
 
 03= TO TWO YARDS AND A HALF OF WATER 
 
 FOR THE DELUGE ! 5 3 
 
 C3= TO SOME CONSIDERABLE ALTERATIONS AND 
 IMPROVEMENTS (!) IN THE PLAGUE OF LO- 
 CUSTS ! 10 fi 
 
 S3- TO FRESH FIG-LEAVES FOR ADAM AND EVE ! 
 AND DRAWING A CURTAIN BEFORE POTIPHAR'S 
 WIFE!!! 3 6 
 
 To mending some Holes in Sir Walter Raleigh's Breeches... 2 6 
 
 ^.2 13 6 
 
10 THE LIFE OF 
 
 Suppose that William Hone had published this, what 
 would Slop and the other Members of the Bridge- 
 Street Gang, and Charles Murray, and Joseph 
 BuDWORTH Sharp, and Slop's Readers, have said? 
 But William Hone did not publish this. No. IT 
 WAS PUBLISHED BY DOCTOR SLOP HIM- 
 SELF, in his Slop-pail of Monday the 15th January- 
 last (1820), ' thinking it would afford amusement to 
 Ike readers of the paper .''* 
 
 Will * HIS readers' explain, whether they were 
 amused by ' the Curtain before Potiphar's Wife,' 
 raising a GROSSLY OBSCENE image of her naked 
 person? Will 'his readers' explain how they were 
 amused by the OBSCENITY of his ' fresh ^^-Zea?;es 
 for Adam and Eve?' Will 'his readers' explain, 
 what suggestions were conveyed to their minds by ' a 
 Fresh Witch of Endor,' and by ' Six strings for 
 David's Harp ?' — that harp to which the Psalms were 
 sung, that have rolled on to us in the full majesty of po- 
 etical grandeur during successive generations, and will 
 continue their choral pealing to the loftiest feelings of the 
 human heart, till they, and the music of the spheres, 
 shall cease together. 
 
 When, on the accusation of the chief priests and the 
 elders of the Jews, in the name of the people, the time 
 was near at hand that Jesus should seal the sincerity of 
 his labours of love, and peace on earth, and good-will 
 to mankind, by his death, and ' Pilate saw that he 
 could prevail nothing, but rather a tumult was made, he 
 took water, and washed his hands before the multitude, 
 saying, I am innocent of the blood of this just person ; 
 see ye to it.'t — The recollection of this most aflFecting 
 renunciation of art or part in the death of Christ, 
 
 * See the Slop-pail of that date, t Matt, xsxii. 24. 
 
DOCTOR SLOP. J7 
 
 IS brought to the mind, ia the Official Paper of ' The 
 Constitutional Association,' by the sneering sug- 
 gestion of 'A NEW Wash-hand Basin for HIS EX- 
 CELLENCY Pontius Pilate!' 
 
 Will ' THE READERS,' for whose ' amusement ' Dr. 
 Slop put this rude and irreverend ribaldry before them, 
 relate how much they were ' amusecr by its appearance 
 in the most conspicuous part of the paper — where a jeer 
 at ' Hone,' a gibe at ' the Whig Radicals headed hy 
 his grace the Duke of Bedford,' ridicule of the 
 ' Queen's friends headed by Grey Bennet,' infor- 
 mation that ' this is a Christian country/ cant about 
 'the memory of Christians^" news of ' the Duke of 
 Clarence attending Divine Service/ ' Fresh fig- 
 leaves for Adam and Eve,' and • University In- 
 telligence,' all follow in that order, on the same page. 
 Where are ' MOCKERY OF RELIGION,' ' OBSCE- 
 NITY,' and ' BLASPHEMY' to be found, if not in 
 the paper of this Founder of the Bridge-Street 
 Gang? 
 
 This varnished hypocrite is said to be a gentleman : — it 
 may be so. The article, so called, can be easily manu- 
 factured by a tailor and a dancing-master, and a few 
 lessons in the school of Chesterfield. A head, powdered 
 and erect, a solemn stalk, a bow to people of certain 
 rank, the cut to people of another rank, and an affected 
 condescension to those termed inferiors, will procure any 
 man the reputation of being genteel, among the ground- 
 lings. Such gentlemen as these swarm in shoals, from 
 the Bridge-Street-Gang Informer to the Marquess- 
 secretary for foreign affairs ; the appearances that con- 
 stitute these personages are usual and essential to every 
 adventurer. 
 
18 THE LIFE OF DOCTOK SLOP. 
 
 When Slop parted with his integrity, he lost his self- 
 respect. Attacking the honesty he secretly envies, and 
 has not the courage to imitate, he has nothing to compen- 
 sate him for a comfortless mind, but an empty conse- 
 quence among fools and knaves, which yields no repose. 
 His appearance in the Slop-pail is ludicrous. Affecting 
 a semblance to which he has no real pretension, he looks 
 like a nightman in a cocked hat, who pulls up his frill at 
 every discharge of muck, to show his gentility. His case 
 is a common one. He rose from the bottom of society 
 by foul self-inflation, and floats a filthy bubble among 
 the scum upon the surface. 
 
 A minion of ministers, a parasite to despotism through- 
 out the world, public virtue is the object of his unprin- 
 cipled hate and unsparing abuse. Hence, there is not a 
 * public principle' that his mendacity has not 'perverted;' 
 not a man of disinterested public conduct that he has 
 not vilified ; not a measure of advantage to the country, 
 emanating from such men, that he has not derided ; not a 
 measure of ministerial profligacy that he has not pro- 
 moted ; not a public job that he has not bolstered ; not a 
 public knave that he has not shielded ; not an inroad 
 upon the constitution that he has not widened ; not a 
 treason against the people's liberties that he has not ad- 
 vocated ; not a sore upon the people's hearts that he has 
 not enlarged. 
 
 The Author of the 
 Political House that Jack Built. 
 
 45, Ludgate-hill, August 2, 1821. 
 
19 
 
 SONG. 
 
 Imitation of Mr. Canning's in the Rwers. 
 
 CAIR, Lanterna Magica.) 
 
 Wiiene'er with aching eyes I view 
 
 The troublers of the nation, 
 I find them one conspiring crew, — 
 The Bridge-stmeet Gang — the Constitu- 
 tional Associati(//t — 
 TioNAL AssQciaiion, 
 
 Slop's venom, of high Tory blue, 
 
 The Stuart royal fashion, 
 In secret gave the poison to 
 The daggers of the Constitu- 
 tional Aasficiutwn — 
 TIONAL Assoc iatif/ii. 
 
 Forth from his Slop-pail swift he flew, 
 
 In dread of moderation. 
 Assassins' knives to cowards threw. 
 And call'd the Gang the Constitu- 
 tional Assooiaiion — 
 TiONAL Assoeiaiian. 
 
 I, who when wild his Curses flew. 
 
 Gave him his appellation,* . 
 Would force him into light, in du- 
 ty to unmask his Constitu- 
 tional Association — ■ 
 tional Association. 
 
 Against me if his Slop-pail brew, 
 
 For that high designation, 
 I spurn his Slop-pail, spurn him too. 
 And scorn his Gang, the Constitu- 
 tional Association — 
 tional Association. 
 
 Until a fouler opportu- 
 nity, a filthier still occasion, 
 He '11 empt' his dirty Slop-pail gru- 
 el, through his sink-hole Constitu- 
 tional y^s50c?a<»VK- - 
 TIONAL Association. 
 
 But should he shrink from public view, 
 
 Or sculk with mean evasion, 
 I'll lash the knave and all his crew— 
 Slop and his Gang, the Constitu- 
 tional Association"^ 
 tional Association. 
 
 See the tract intituled, The Origin of Dr. Slop't Name. 
 
20 BRIDGE-STREET GAiNG. 
 
 ROYAL RED HOT SLOP, Seven-pence per pail ; spooned 
 out every iiiomingat Six o'Clork, at lo3, Fleet-street. 
 SCAVENGERS, SWEEPS, AND OTHERS, EMPI.OVED IN DIRTY 
 WORK, gratefully partake of this BREAKFAST BEV^ERAGE, beintr at 
 once cheering to their spiritt;, and .strengthening to their bodies, in their 
 daily labour. It is greedily swallowed hy the JNIenibers of the Buinui;- 
 smiiET Socirrrv, who could not exist without it, it beiiig their cliief sup])ort. 
 Many of them come miles for it, and get nothing else through the day. 
 The manner in which tlie poor creatures thankfully receive their morning's 
 sustenance, and share it with tlieir helpless families, is at once a proof of 
 their gratitude, and their destitute condition. 
 
 There is nothing equal to it at spring' unAfo//. It is superior to every 
 thing in existence for assisting the power of leec/tca on every part of the 
 body, as it draws the circulation, and they never fall otl'till they are full. 
 It promotes blood-letting generally, and in breakings out is a great stimulant. 
 Possessing these qualities, it is taken by several i>ervSons in public offices, 
 and by others who desire to derive advantages from its efl'ects on the 
 Constitution. 
 
 Sent, carriage free, to Gentlemen's Seats and AV'atcring Places througRout 
 the kingdom. 
 
 N. B. Serves Carlton House. 
 
 [•«• See the Cut on the Title-page.^ 
 
 KEW MEDICAL BOARD. 
 
 ^¥^0 THE AFFLICTED. — When persons employ themselves 
 -*- to relieve the sufferings of theirfellow-creatures, they ought to be men 
 experienced in the diseases they profess to relieve, and to be acquainted 
 with the causes of tlie complaint. Dr. SLOP, a Professional Gentleinun, and 
 a Member of the Royal College of Sir John's, a regular Lirencious in Fee- 
 seek, and an o/ttli/ing Doctor in the Luw-t/ell Li/ing-in Infirmary, has been 
 induced, by the dreadful ravages of the TYPOPHOBIA, in the ujiper ra)iks 
 of Society, to make that disease his particular study. From a dreadful 
 habit, contracted by juvenile inattentions at school, the mind becomes 
 enervated in after-life, and is afflicted by a series of the most distressing 
 apprehensions. This mental debility is so excessive as to make the ])atient 
 imagine himself in danger from every /«.;/* that stirs. All that can be done 
 in this stage, is to diminish the symptoms of the unhappy sufi'erers, by 
 strengthening their habit. But this can only be eflected by a mode of 
 treatment peculiar to Dr. SLOP, who has been induced to establisli a NEW 
 MEDICAL BOARD, where his Bark is administered in mouthfuls, pro- 
 perly prepared by able assistants, to those who cannot take it in the gross. 
 The complaint, in its most dreadful forms, and of however long standing, is 
 immediately relieved in patients of both sexes, who explain the nature of 
 their symptoms, with a ])roper fee. 
 
 The COMMITTEE of the NEW MEDICAL BOARD, sit daily at their 
 Establisliment, Walker's Hotel, No. 6, Bridge-street. 
 
 N. B. — A street-door, and a brass plate in the passage. 
 
BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 21 
 
 The Freeborn Knslii-liman. 
 
 DR. SLOP'S OBSCENITY. 
 
 The Slop-pail report of the Attorney-General's Speech (in the 
 House of Commons) the 3rtl of July (1821), makes that officer say, 
 that ' Horatio Orton went to King's shop to buy an INDECENT 
 Caricature.' The natiu'al impression on every mind is, that it was an 
 OBSCENE print; because the term indecent is never applied to a print, 
 without implying obscenity. It was not only quite in character for 
 Slop, who amused his readers with the obscenity of ' FRESH FIG- 
 LEAVES FOR ADAM AND EVE,' but it suited his purpose as a 
 Member of the Bridge-Street Gang, to fix OBSCENITY upon a 
 political caricature. A copy of the print alluded to, which is intituled 
 the ' Free-born Englishinun,^ is placed above, that the public may 
 determine whether it is, or is not OBSCENE. Every one who 
 looks at it will naturally be astonished at the impudence of the impu- 
 tation, and some perhaps be induced to call the utterer by that 
 short but natural appellation which no honest man in society ever ap- 
 plied but to a miscreant, who ought to have it burnt in upon his forehead 
 as a mark to avoid him by. A ' curtain ' before this print, to save 
 Slop from the hifamy its appearance brands him with, would be 
 iTiore serviceable to him now, than, it is to be hoped, his ' CURTAIN 
 BEFORE POTIPHAR'S WIFE ' was amusing to his readers. 
 
22 BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 inquisitional Association, 
 
 FOR OPPOSING THE PROGRESS OF KNOWLEDGE AND 
 CONSTITUTIONAL PRINCIPLES. 
 
 PRESIDENT— SIR JOHN SEf^EL, Knt. LL.D. 
 
 ADDRESS. 
 
 [Vi'/vlhiuinsisa Parody «;)on ^A« 'Addrecs'y/McCONSTITUTIONAL ASSOCIATIOX, 
 <i nefarious Conspiracy for creating alarm in the minds of the timid, and obtaining 
 money upon false pretences. A slight alteration of their Manifesto puts it into plain 
 English, and clearly exposes its designs against the Freedom of the Press, and tite Liberty 
 of the Suhject] 
 
 The prevalence of loyalty on constitutional principles, among certain 
 classes, is, unhappily for ?/s, too notorious to admit of doubt. 
 
 Possessing, as this nation does, an Administration, which is the bottle- 
 holder to i/ie p'ize-Jigkters for the world— at peace with a standing army 
 quartered throughout the country— covered with the expenses of a long, an 
 artful, and trumpettcd contest — enjoying a continual enlargement of the 
 Statutes at Large, and variorum editions of Burns' Justice — and subjected 
 to the wild and eternal palaverment of Derry Down Tbiaxole — it might 
 have been hoped, that o.\\ pranks and sprees would have ended in an humble 
 attitude for such unexampled llislerings, without an unsightly and merciless 
 exposure of his foreign presents. 
 
 But tliat this is far from being the case, and that, on the contrary, a spirit 
 of hostility exists against our jnost secret and profitable Prostitutions, we 
 liave only to appeal to the new nniforms, and the humorous law-yell 
 Addresses, which have of late been laid at the foot of the throne by snug 
 corporations, and meetings oi Invisibles. Framed by bodies of men of in- 
 ditlerent parts, without concert or communication, and containing assertions 
 drawn from active imagination and fiction, these Addresses indisputably 
 prove — at/M»/ce— the lamentable existence oi Liberty, and its fearful extent; 
 they prove, that it menaces, not the predominance of this or that borough, 
 but the safety of Boroughmongering itself ; not the separate value of this or 
 \.ha.lpuff, but the security of ^Ae?t'/iofe bottle of smoke. 
 
 The CONSEQUENCES which have already resulted from the propagation of 
 public principle, are but too obvious. Among them are to be numbered a 
 daily and weekly bond of union between the humbler ranks of society, and 
 their natural guardians and protectors — independence — disregard of mere 
 _/««r— and frequent attempts to obstruct our ioMw«^w«— increased sale of the 
 jr/;w5— renuntiations of respect for the greatest humbugs \n the cciuntry 
 
"Till now I i.ever understood the ri 
 
 nof Ihe policy ,nd prudence of the .>„,w. in suffering xnp In„,„, 
 
 V among tlicm | and certainly It mil mm- fc 
 
 ^Ktttmlh m till eometliiuB like the Spiinish ln,uisil.on be .» &.c/»W.- —ne.orderol London .11 
 
 THE -DAMNABLE ASSOCIATIOnT^ TroTlNF^K^inNQjlSITUJX 
 
 ley : ,,r U,.,,;ll' , fM, T„, 
 
 ■•/« Meriar nnrof ihe DEN in Bridge S/rec/, mlh Ihe GANG ol IVork. 
 
 OF BLACK FTxIAHS: 
 
■"%, 
 
 
 — le rist on j- 
 
 IJUII' 
 
 =^hfOM- 
 
 
 X s 
 
 i'« /iV/ffW.'—Rr (-order of I, 
 
 ^^F BLACK FRi 
 
BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 23 
 
 —hatred of hypocrisy— querulous impatience of unjust control and illegal 
 restraint — ridicule of vain and ostentatious pretenders to all sound learning, 
 experience, and knowledge — interruption of the courses of Sir Manasseh 
 Masseh Lopez, and derangement of the great concerns and enterprizes of the 
 Court Nevmnen during the Coronation. 
 
 The Press, that great and abominable bore to paw-paw life — that interest- 
 ing machine for diffusing the scent of the Slop-pail, has unhappily become, 
 in the hands of the tax-payers, a lever, to shake the very foundations of owr 
 order. Its power, which within the last century has been multiplied a hun- 
 dred fold, may now be said to reign paramount over vice ; and to those 
 friends to themselves, who dig deep into the fat of the land, it cannot but 
 be matter of serious alarm to observe, that a very large proportion of our 
 periodical publications is under the direction either of avowed enemies 
 of the close boroughs, or of persons whose sole principle of action is opposed 
 to our own private and self-sell interest. Every heart and voice is employed 
 with daily increasing boldness to render the people acquainted with the 
 proceedings of the borough-mongers — to show them that they are not 
 represented by those whom they have not elected — to seduce them from 
 their long affliction and allegiance to our sovereignty ; and finally, to bring 
 about a Reformation, on which the prosperity, the internal happiness, and 
 the political greatness of the empire, must inevitably be established — and 
 our interests be sacrificed. 
 
 As it is clear, that isolated and single-handed exertion is utterly in- 
 adequate to more than a grope at the good things arising from the present 
 state of disorder, and that we should not, perhaps, get a mouthful a-piece ; 
 so it is to be feared, that the government and legislature might render 
 our contest for them difficult, without an active, zealous, and persevering 
 botheration against the reformingly disposed individuals of the community, 
 which bothe)-ation, to be effectual, must be a running fire, and a continued 
 insult towards such individuals. 
 
 Persuaded that by these means alone the said goodthingsam be arrested ; 
 and feeling that to .arrest them, if possible, is our bounden duty, the Mem- 
 bers of this Society will immediately throw the country into alarm and 
 riot ; they have therefore adopted the following Resolutions : 
 
 \st. That they will use their best ex'ei-tions to maintain Mr. Murray, 
 and to support the due execution of his law. 
 
 2nd. That they will employ their influence, p'oscriptively and corrup- 
 tively, in discountenancing and opposing the dissemination of the 
 principles of the Revolution of 1688. 
 
 Zrd. That they will encourage persons of temerity in the twitterary 
 world to exert their nullabilities in diluting the sophistries, circu- 
 lating the illusimis, and disposing of the falsehoods which are 
 necessarily employed by the Committee of this Association to mislead 
 the people, 
 
 4th. That they willresm't to such expedients as Mr. Murray may deem 
 necessary, to restrain the publishing and ciren luting of those truths 
 which he may stigmatize as seditimu and treasonable libels. 
 
24 BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 In wishing lliat THE Press should he securely c/moir/f, the Mcmbei's of 
 this Society have no dpsire to limit their own bother. On the contrary, their 
 abuse of the Queex, their inflammatory representations ai!;ainst her and her 
 friends, and tlie circulation of the Slop-paii. should be unrestrained. But 
 the statements respectinej the j)u])lic prostitution of public men, the detec- 
 tion of ^'fti*, the reduction of salaries, the limitation of the pension list, 
 the reduction of the army, the reasons for retrenchment, aiid the arofuments' 
 for any kind of reform, are inveterately hostile to the pul)lic and private 
 views of the Members of this Society, and favourable only to whatever 
 tends to improve the nation, and elevate the Pkess itself. — This system 
 tnust be suppressed. 
 
 This Association is estallished on the broad principle of opposing the 
 attempts now made to overthrow the abuses crept into the civil institutions of 
 the State. It has, therefore, been determined, 
 
 1st. To establish a Fee Fuxd for the use and application of INIr. 
 Murray, as he shall see fit. 
 
 2nd. To appoint a Committee fm- seenring all the Places, Offices, 
 Pensiom, Employments, Emoluments, Contracts, Jobs, Patronage, 
 Power, and Influoice, of every sort, in the Church, the Army, the 
 Navy, the Treasury, and every department of Government, as well 
 as the Bank, the India-house, and the great commercial and other 
 public bodies, for the use and enjoyment of the Members of this 
 Society, wholly and solely. 
 
 3rd. To adopt a system of Correspondence with those members who 
 live at a distance, and to establish Associations throughout the 
 countn,', for the purpose of procuring Informatiou of all kinds 
 concerning the conduct and connexions of all persons who will 
 not co-operate in these objects. 
 
 Most earnestly, therefore, does this Society call upon all to whom a 
 maintenance, out of the public purse, is dear, upon tliose who value thi- 
 places they hold at the expense of the country, or the permanence of the 
 present Administration, to jo'n them in promoting these objects and prin- 
 ciples. IF THE SOCIETY BE ONCE ESTABLISHED, 27 tvill be ena- 
 bled to institute AN INQUISITION INTO THE PRIVATE CONCERNS 
 OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL IN THE K11<!GB0M— turn the great Imdy 
 of the people ?w^o SPIES AND INFORMERS upon each other — and, by 
 ANTI-SOCIALTZING THE WHOLE COMMUNITY— secwre to the 
 Society an ASCENDANCY IN CHURCH AND STATE, a)ul an ultimate 
 assumptiofi of all THE FUNCTIONS OF GOVERNMENT. In short, 
 whether these, or only a part of t/."se intentions be carried into effect, the 
 Society must inevitably attain so much pouter, as to harass and perpler such 
 persons ammig those who are not its members as they choose to proscribe, aiid 
 secure to themselves exclusively the comforts and enjoyments of social life. 
 
 CHARLES MURRAY, Honorary Secretary. 
 
BRIDGE-STREET GANS. 
 
 25 
 
 THE NEW DEVIL UPON TWO STICKS. 
 
 Very eai'Iy one mouiing-, while as yet thick darkness overspread the 
 famous city of London, and the weary inhabitants had not awakened 
 to the cares of the coming day, I perceived a light from a sort of party- 
 coloured lanthorn over the door- way of a house. No 153, Fleet-street, 
 upon which was inscribed, "The Office of the Slop-pait., and was 
 considerhig for a moment what could occasion this alarming appear- 
 ance at so early an hour, when I was interrupted by a deep sigh from 
 within. I at first thought it was a nocturnal illusion ; but being inter- 
 rupted again in the same manner, I took it for something real, and 
 could not help crying out -"What devil is it that sighs here?" 
 
 " It is I, good Sir," answered a voice which had something in it of 
 cynical querulousness ; I have been confined in the Slop-pail for some 
 months past, against my will. In this house lives Dr. Slop." 
 
 "Slop !" I exclaimed, " what my political godchild ?" 
 
 "^Ah! he is the very man," answered the voice, " if you are 
 the author of ' Buonapartefhohia,' and the 'Political House that 
 Jack hxnlt'." 
 
2G BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 *' I am," I replied. " But pray how came you in the Sior* 
 
 PAIL?" 
 
 " Ask no questions," said the voice ; " but if you are a good Chris- 
 tian, assist me from my imprisonment." 
 
 " What are you ?" I inquired, somewhat confused at this un" 
 common adventure. 
 
 " I am a damon," replied the voice, " and you are come very oppor- 
 tunely to free me from a slavery where I languish in idleness, though 
 / am the viost active and indefatigable devil in hell." 
 
 I was somewhat affrighted at these words ; but being naturally cou- 
 rageous, I recollected myself; and, in a resolute tone, thus addressed 
 myself to the Infe7-ual within : — " Good Mr. Devil ! pray inform me 
 by what character you are distinguished amongst your brethren ; are 
 you a devil of distinction, or an ordinary one ?" 
 
 " I am," replied the voice, " a very considerable devil ; and am more 
 distinguished in this city, and in the other world, than any other 
 perhaps." 
 
 I replied, "You may be the daemon which we call Jonatkins." 
 
 "No," replied the spirit; "he is the tormentor of the Livery." 
 
 "Are you then Turtle .''" I exclaimed. 
 
 " Fie !" hastily intemipted the voice : " he is the patron of knavisli- 
 traders, biscuit bakers, contractors, loan-jobbers, and other third- 
 rate thieves." 
 
 "Dear devil ! — it may be you are Sid.?" 
 
 " You deceive yourself," answered the Spirit ; " he is the daemon of 
 traps, and beaks, and gad-flies, and eaves-droppers." 
 
 " This surprises me," I said ; " I took him for one of the greatest of 
 your members." 
 
 " He is one of the least," replied the daemon ; " you have no true no- 
 tion of our hell." 
 
 " You must, then," replied I, " be either Derry Down Thianglk, 
 or the Waterloo-IMan ?" 
 
 " Oh ! as for those," said the voice, " they are devils of the first 
 rank ; they are the court spirits ; they enter into the councils of princes, 
 animate theii- ministers, form leagues, stir up insui-rections in 
 states, and light up the torches of war : these are not such boobies as 
 the first you mentioned to me." 
 
 " Ah ! tell me, I entreat you," said I, *' what post has Diaboius 
 Regis?" 
 
 " He is the froth of the law, the mere foam of the bar," replied the 
 
BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 27 
 
 Devil ; "and they call him Punch. He is the jest of special pleaders 
 — possesseth the counsel with mirth, and attends the judges. But my 
 business lies another way ; I am the maker of charitable societies, a 
 promoter of social order, the inventor of new methods for keeping the 
 world quiet ; in a word, I am the soiJ of the celebrated Devil upon 
 TWO Sticks, the dwmon of Luxury, the Political Cupid : what sort of 
 a personage I am, you shall see, if you please to set me at liberty to 
 rejoin my body, which is now either in John-street or Shorter's- 
 court." 
 
 " Good Mr. Cupid," I replied, " I should be happy to serve you, 
 but the Sloj)-pail in which you are hidden, is abominably filthy ; and, 
 in my endeavours to relieve you, I may be stifled with the stench : 
 besides, you may be, for aught I know, as base a hypocrite as the con- 
 juror that confines you. I should wish to know how you got in, and 
 by what power he holds you, if you are not as vile as he is." 
 
 " Ah, do not leave me ! For the sake of humanity release me," 
 screamed the Spirit. 
 
 He had scarcely uttered these words, when Dr. Slop, accompained 
 by the body of the daemon, suddenly appeared ; and takuig the lid off 
 his Slop-pail, the Spirit exultingly flew out, and entered his own pro- 
 per person. I was nearly suffocated by the noxious effluvia firom 
 the vessel ; yet I could perceive the appearance of a man, dressed in 
 black, apparently sixty years of age, about five feet ten inches high, 
 whose right leg being withered, was supported at the knee by a 
 wooden substitute. This strange figure had a wrinkled visage, of a 
 cadaverous complexion, like soaked parchment; his ugly snarling 
 mouth was cloven-Upped, and under-hung ; his nose somewhat bot- 
 tling and curUng ; and his small and crafty eyes, resembled two grey 
 pebbles embedded in yellow dough. The top of his head was bald ; 
 the hair at the back and sides, thin, and cut short, was pomatumed 
 and powdered. He supported himself by a crutch, which appeared to 
 me, a gallows ; and crossing Fleet-street with rapid strides, this New 
 Devil upon two Sticks, ascending the steps of Walker's Hotel, by 
 the aid of Dr. Slop, was received with loud acclamations and open 
 arms by the Bridge-Street Gang, who awaited the arrival of their 
 commander at his Deiu 
 
28 
 
 BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 ANTI-SOCIETY ASSOCIATION. 
 
 "D ESOLVED, That one of the Secretary's legs being a leg 
 -*-*' proper, anotlicr a leg imprr.per, and a tliird a leg bend, the same 
 arc jointly and severally emblematical of the Constitution. 
 
 Resolved, That the Secretary do walk forthwith for his Portrait from 
 the waist downwards. 
 
 Resolved, That his legs be the arms of the Association. 
 
 Resolved, That the same be emblazoned in an escutcheon 0\ pretence. 
 
 BY ORDER. 
 
 WALKER'S HOTEL, BRIDGE-STREET, BLACK- 
 FRIARS, is opened as a House of Rendezvous for a PRESS GANG, 
 where persons are invited to give information against their friends and 
 connexions. 
 
 03= BRINGERS will receive encouragement. 
 
 HOLY OFFICE, BRIDGE-STREET. 
 
 THE PRINCIPAL INQUISITORS, when they have matured 
 their plan, will require an Agent to proceed to Spain, Tand purchase 
 the Implement?: of the suppressed Inquisition. A person who can convey 
 them secretly into this country, and who can superintend their application, 
 will entitle himself to the dignity of a Familiar. 
 
 (By order) H. ORTON, Dep. Hon. Ass. Sec. 
 
 MURRAY'S SUBSCRIPTION HOUSE, 
 
 No. G, Bridge-street, Blacklriars. 
 
 PATRON— THE EARL OF YARMOUTH. 
 
 ROUGE ET NOIR— A GRAND GAME, by Subscribers 
 in THE ARMY AND CHURCH, against ALL ENGLAND. 
 
 ISO, 
 
 BUxMBLE PUPPY— BY THE WHOLE CLUB. 
 
 J. SEVYELL, Marker 
 83= CRIBBAGE CONSTANTLY, by Mr. Murray and Mr. Sharp— 
 Mr. Murray pegs. 
 
BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 29 
 
 NEW LOCK HOSPITAL, 
 
 For the Reception of Incapables, Bridge-street, Blackfriars. 
 
 '^pmS ESTABLISHMENT is entirely supported by the con- 
 
 ■^ tribiitions of the miserable objects who belong to it. 
 Dr. WELLINGTON — PrnsiciAN and Surgeon in Ordinary. 
 Matron.— -i . Skwell 
 Nurses— J . Reeves, C. Bicknell. 
 Necessary /fomeu.—-ATKiss, Bridges, Curtis, Flower, C. Smith, Rev. S. 
 
 PiGGOTT. 
 
 Keepers of the Sweets.— C. Murray, J. B. Sharp. 
 
 BY ORDER. 
 
 lyrONEY— WANTED TO BORROW ANY SUM for private 
 
 -^^-*- purposes, by Messrs. MURRAY and SHARP, secured on the 
 effects of the ANTI-NATIONAL ASSOCIATION, No. 6, Bridge Street. 
 
 \ CARD. — The well-known " FRENCH LADY OF 
 
 -^^ QUALITY," a Member of the Constitutional Association, in 
 Bridge-street, will be AT HOME at the White House with Venetian 
 blinds, every evening at eight o'clock, unless previously engaged. Inquire 
 for Ma'am'selle Bastille. 
 
 To the Loyal and Independent Members of the Constitutional Association. 
 My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen; 
 
 YOUR having chosen me one of the Committee of your 
 Loyal Association is a mark of your personal attachment to me, and 
 your great I'cspect for the high situation I have the honour to _/?// under 
 his Majesty's executive government. You have added largely to its duties, 
 but?/oM\v"ll doubtless benefit by my labours in the end. The independent 
 line I have taken shall be used for your benefit. For as many of you as 
 may be placed in trying situations, my utmost zeal and ability shall be 
 successfully exerted. Inthe last extremity you will see me at my post : on that 
 yow md.y depend — one good ^«r?i deserves another. I hope you will afford 
 me the speediest opportunity of offering you my services in pe^-soti, and 
 of embracing you all. 
 
 I have the honour to be. 
 
 My Lords, Ladies and Gentlemen, 
 
 Your most devoted Servant fill death, 
 
 JOHN KETCH. 
 
 The folloiring endorsement was on this Advertise- 
 ment.— ^m^v^^. 
 
 Cer, — Pies 2 nsrt this yer. U c has Mr. Pinedr 
 kumd 2 noogit an e draud me inter this chaflin line. 
 Hile be krapd miself a4 hide lev m. Wat a hepcl 
 rnt et? Mi noze rites tliis yer 2 u. 
 
 01c bale. GAK llCH. 
 
 HIS MARK. 
 
no 
 
 BRIDGE-STREET GANG. 
 
 XTITHEREAS, it has been industriously propagated, that I 
 am a member of the Coxstitutionai- Association in Bridge 
 Street, I humbly beg leave to inform the Public, that when I was pro- 
 })0sed by my neighbour, Mr. Poynder, the same was without my consent; 
 and that, although I was elected, 1 never attended any of the meetings ; 
 and I verily believe that these proceedings were intended to do me a 
 serious injury. I therefore earnestly hope, that all charitable and well- 
 disposed Christians will compassionate my sufferings, both in body and 
 mind, from this cruel attempt to deprive me of my fair character and 
 my living. 
 
 CHARLES MACKEY, 
 
 Sweeper at the Obelisk, in Fleet Street. 
 
 N B. Please to obsei-ve, that though I am a black, f 
 my name is not Chaeles Muraay, but Mackey. S 
 
 HIS MARK. 
 
BRIDGE'STRE.ET GANG. 31 
 
 WHERE SHALL I DINE? 
 
 The Devil, quite poorly, came up one day 
 To seek for a bit of delicate prey ; 
 His appetite was not verj^ good. 
 And he was nice in the choice of food. 
 
 He had bolted Attorneys till he was sick. 
 And still they were sei-ved up fast and thick — 
 Barristers follow'd, so thick and fast, 
 He thought he should never see the last. 
 
 Silk gowns and Sergeants he ate in such plenty. 
 
 That an Attorney General was not a dainty ; 
 
 So rather than touch any more of the law. 
 
 He'd have tried at old CI , and got a lock jaw. 
 
 Thus he ate the profession, from year to year. 
 
 Till his tail lost its spring, and his stomach was queer ; 
 
 So he took a boat to take the air. 
 
 And landed at Bridge-street, and paid his fare. 
 
 He could not determine which way to go, 
 But thinking a little on what he should do. 
 One, who had walk'd at the Coronation, 
 Hinted 'The Bridge-Street Association!' 
 
 ' Ho ! ho !' said he, ' I forgot !' and his tail 
 Whisk'd about with delight ; 'I shall now have a meal ! 
 'First there's Murray, ah ! ah !— and to take off the taste 
 * Of the lawyer — I'll give him an exquisite baste. 
 
 'Then there's Sharp ! — what a treat ! I must speak to the cook ! — 
 ' And Sewell ! Reeves ! Bicknell ! Clarke ! Reynolds ! Price! Brook ! 
 'Bridges! Flower! Sikes! Atkins ! Jacks ! Poynder! Slop! Croly! — 
 'By my hoof I shall dine — and at night I'll be jolly !' 
 
 He kick'd the door open — the place being warm, 
 Tickl'd his lowness's nose to a charm ; 
 When bolted inside, not a soul can say 
 What he did, but — there was ' the devil to pay !' 
 
 Most awfvd to hear were the yells and the riot. 
 Yet aw fuller far was the sudden quiet: 
 No doubt with the den he is having his swing. 
 When he's out, let us shout—* God save ths King!' 
 
rpHE FINE OLD SUBSCRIPTION VESSEL, tlie REGENT'S 
 -'- BOMB— formerly in the IFIinle trade — new caulked and rigp^ed — lias 
 a commodious poop, elegantly fitted up, and superior accommodation for 
 gentlemen and their wives — is abundantly yb««(/ in stores — with a full 
 supply of blocks, and carries fire-irons and a Doctor. Lies off Gravesonl. 
 Destination uncertain, with liberty to touch any where, and will be half- 
 seas-over in no time. Apply to 
 
 BACKSTAIR, Tl'RRETT, & Co. 
 
 At the George and Vulture. 
 03= Has a distinguishing Flag at the main. 
 
 plUToF~or#a95imu 
 
 KING'S THE A TR E. 
 
 By particular desire — a New Opera, 
 DETRIPPO DEMYJESTO TOMEETO DEBOGO ! 
 
 THEATRE ROYAL DREARY-LAXE. 
 
 THE CORONATION. 
 
 This attemi)t at A GRAND MASKED FESTIVAL, is to give, as far as 
 
 Stage liberty will allow, a tolerably faithful delineation of the Dresses, the 
 
 Parading-failure, and Recollections on that occasion ; with 
 
 THE SPECTRE BRIDEGROOM; 
 
 or, A Ghost in spite ofltimset/! 
 
 ROYAL AMPHITHEATRE (near f Westminster Bridge. J 
 
 ROB ROY; 
 
 MiTH THE HORSE BANDITTI ; and THE SPECTRE BRIDE ! 
 
 FASHIONABLE MOf'EMENTS. 
 
 The Moving Bog from Kilmalady, to receive His Majesty. 
 After Bartholomew Fair the Bonassus will leave town for Ireland. 
 
iMiiTov of ffMjmu 
 A NONDESCRIPT. 
 
 33 
 
 npHE NONDESCRIPT qzr tly wlokrg dzwpm gebesb, lyx J M 
 
 -*" nmp hunxes aaorql-ano. Ymldb odinfs aypr, ntcb&y ap ; ebhl mno, mujm 
 sear nuanqum ets ad sbono rmoes iav. Mat cho girl, oncgawn aullds ano, ond iin 
 aunhy. Kois aocti ow, Ihounc anndes oarum ; opwn nbcb noineaf cblnm-wgsddoj 
 abbledc aaoqjajmvv, lblagf6j aoyjdtnani mwocytnosml. 
 
 Konnatumcno, weddlmaobob Fnilkntar maionnlm aorulnncbl aois ; nncdsnwrw 
 nnaum, ajksbbl& & ooaau-aoummcdllooarng gfgkj ? wniibll anedjrq won nt a nid 
 araoulatcoanmbly ? " Haunllks onmmlliblba aovvgw, nnaaqqanohnjk Ibkswg nul 
 Fck lis.'' Koafrunlkyiiwonn aoulbek and sohdbn qunceikotw, anmcb-anmdwfgp 
 ifiglrkgsj aoncl annekdg royp ; acononurn aonnw, nnd nmywgkj andijb manu. 
 nmlbffioarwgis arndkula, anowpg dare aunt paew abiere uterque anultarypwsiend 
 aroune, wioedh, io dol quaay dituhy ludanuo aonwdnmain oumlio Nanno, muopp 
 ■Eroaauur onmbles oarwp atunhcl aaw ariimlb nedfflo, and unowsscbwua onnmcdm 
 uoodangcb: aondI>(sg elndsr nulndu arorwor aukrm omu adonomnanvra wrgsum 
 wilmiaru aonnounceanatinkrobpininon nowsandng alhough ncorgble snns nlnoan, 
 aononanao wastaaawg foaw nao aao oaumlkwnc oamj, onnl oanwmmon a oni armp 
 oonan maoskw akjgwtonnal en-acwgsf oaunmdcb anoumclb, &c. : whose a'amno 
 aumnoar ws nwjkoganuara, gsoawquln oaorqlaowgumlh irritamenoo eadobilltuxiw 
 rw, anda mwasnoiau nnum ancb Inand. 
 
34 iiflinor of dfasljion, 
 
 Fliilosophors are of opinion, that it' the lute Coronation had 
 
 not taken place, tlie sun would liave refused to shine, corn refused to grow, 
 and the people refused to live. 
 
 The Lord of Misiil'lk, is considered by foreij^n writers as 
 a personage rarely to be met with out of England. TIte wild-heads of the 
 parish, flocking together, crowned him with great solemnity, adopted him 
 for their king, anointed him, and then chose a number of " lustie guttes, 
 like himself," to wait upon His Majesty, and guard his noble person. 
 These he invested with green, yellow, and other colours; and as though 
 they were not gaudy enough, they bedecked themselves with scarfs, ribbons, 
 and laces, adding gold rings, precious stones, and other jewels. They also 
 \mA hobl)i/-hwses, dragons, and other whimsies, and with piping and drum- 
 ming, and bells jingling, they skirmished their hobby-horses, and otlier 
 monsters among the throng, and u<eni to church, the people staring, laugh- 
 ing, and fleering, and mounted upon forms to see the pageant.— BtrutVs 
 Sports, p. 21)8. 
 
 A Deputation from the Nation of the Scammymaklybacks 
 
 has arrived, with a petition to the Proprietor of the Bonassus, requesting 
 to have that distinguished animal for their King. Should the Boxassus 
 leave this country, it is expected that the Re i. S. Piggott will anoint him 
 with Treacle, previous to his departure, after wnich, the National air will be 
 sung. 
 
 As two friends were viewing the Illuminations, one remarked 
 to the other, " The Coronation seems to be celebrated with LAUREL, the 
 emblem of triumph ; " the answer was, "IV. thou meanest ! " 
 
 Coronation Inquest — Verdict, Fiddle-de dee. 
 
 If you should see a flock of pigeons in a field of corn ; 
 
 and if (instead of cacii picking where, and what it liked, taking just as much 
 as it wanted and no more) you should see ninety-nine of them gathering 
 all they got into a heap ; reserving nothing for themselves but the chart' 
 and refuse ; keeping this heap for one, and that the weakest, perhaps, 
 and worst pigeon of the flock; sitting round, and looking on all the 
 winter whilst this one was devouring, throwing about, and wasting it ; 
 and if a pigeon more hardy or hungry than the rest, touched a grain of the 
 hoard, all the others instantly flying upon it, and tearing it to pieces ; if 
 you sliould see this, you would see nothing more than what is every day 
 practised and established among men. Among men, you see the ninety-and- 
 nine toiling and scraping together a heap of superfluities for one; getting 
 nothing for themselves all the while, but a little of the coarsest of the pro- 
 vision, which their own labour produces (and this one, too, oftentimes the 
 feeblest and worst of the whole set, a child, a woman, a madman or a fool) ; 
 looking fjuietly on, while they see the fruits of all their labour spent or 
 Spoiled ; and if one of them take or touch a particle of it, the others join 
 against him, and hang himfor the theft. — Palei/'sMoral Philosophy,\i.m.c.\. 
 Ai)VETlTiSlEM£Nt COPIED FROM THE NEWSPAPERS^ 
 
 BONASSUS. — The Proprietor of this interesting animal re- 
 turns his grateful thanks to his numerous Patrons, who have enabled 
 him to divide the town for so many days, as it is doubtful which Exhibition has 
 been most admired , the Edhihitiou at ff'esfminster, or that in the Strand. The 
 buildings at /I'cslminster must be broken down : the Bonassics stands so 
 secure upon the foundation of popular applause, tliat Providence alone 
 has the power to "knock A/;m up," ov "hiesk him down," in this world. 
 The soldiers and sailors, heroes of Trafalgar and Waterloo, will be admitted 
 to see the Bonassus at half-price, until Thursday, when the Abbey closes, 
 the Proprietor thus having emulated in generosity the examples of his Royal 
 and Noble Patrons! 
 
GLORY TO TOM-FOOLERY! 
 
 DUET — Doodle and Noodle. 
 Doodle. — Van pull awaj', 
 
 Jack wants more, the more he has — 
 Such a day as this was never seen ; 
 Courtiers so gay, 
 Yet nobody uproarious — 
 
 People seem to wear a universal grin ! 
 Both. 
 Round let iis bound, for this is Punch's holiday • 
 Glory to Iom-Fooleky !— /mzza .' huzza! ' 
 
 JACK IN THE GREEN. 
 
 iVbo(/;e.— They all, good lack ! 
 
 Are grown sulky, it's notorious ; 
 
 While we frisk about so fine, theu snigger and 
 talk tawdry; 
 Yet Mr. Jack 
 So tifted out, so glorious. 
 Glitters like a beau in a new birth-day enibroidei7. 
 Both. 
 Round let us bound, for this is I'unch's holiday; 
 Glokv to Tom Foolery !—/i«22«.' hiizza ! 
 
 Doodle.— Oh, 'tis a day— of jubilee, cajollery, 
 A day we never saw before, 
 A day of fini and drollery ! 
 Noodle. — That you may say. 
 
 Their Majesties may boast of it ; 
 
 And since it never can come more ; 
 
 'Tis fit we make the most of it. 
 
 Doodle —Oh, 'tis a day, &c. 
 Aoo(^^.— That you may pay, &c. 
 Doodle.— VAN pull away, &c. 
 yood/e. — Courtiers so gay, &p. 
 fioM.— Round let unbound, &r. 
 
^tibntistmcntis. 
 
 35 
 
 VICTORY OF PETERLOO. 
 
 A MONUMENT is proposed to be erected in commeuioratiou 
 -^*- of the achievements of the MANCHESTER YEOMANRY CA- 
 VALRY, on the I6t/i August, 1819, against THE MANCHESTER 
 MEETING of Petitioners for Redress of Wrongs and Grievances, and 
 Reform in Parliament. It has been called a battle, but erroneously ; for, the 
 multitude was unarmed, and made no resistance to the heroes armed ; there 
 was no contest — it was a victory ; and has accordingly been celebrated in 
 triumph. This event, more important in its consequences than the 
 Battle of Waterloo, will be recorded on the monument, by simply stating 
 the names of the officers and privates successfully engaged, on the one 
 side ; and on the other, the names of the persons killed, and of the six 
 hundred maimed and wounded in the attack and pursuit ; also the names 
 ■of the captured, who are still prisoners in His Majesty's goals ; with the 
 letter of thanks, addressed to the victors, by His Majesty's Command. 
 
30 
 
 Bbbtvtiotmruts* 
 
 It is further proposed, that Meachek's Tuumpet shall be melted down, 
 and that the brass shall be carefully applied to the purpose of multiplying 
 an appropriate design to be distributed among the warriors who distinguish- 
 ed themselves On the occasion, and to be worn by each as a 
 
 PETERLOO MEDAL. 
 
 < 
 
 SOVEREIGNS are now going. BALANCES properly 
 adjusted, to distinguish a good from a bad one, may be had of 
 Common Sense, who will speedily wait on every individual. 
 
 TO STUDENTS AT LAW AND PROFESSIONAL GENTLEMEN. 
 
 Shortly will be published. No. I., price &d. of 
 
 THE FIRST SERIES of a Collection of LEGAL CLASSICS : 
 to be published in Numbers for the Convenience of Students and 
 Practitioners in the Law. — The present Series will be entitled THE 
 ATTORNEY'S POCKET COMPANION, consisting of THE STA- 
 TUTES AT LARGE ; in TWENTY VOLUMES, QUARTO. As each 
 Volume consists of 1,200 pages on an average, it is computed that 3,000 
 Weekly Numbers, price &d. each, will complete the Fimt Series in about 
 57 Years; when will be published. No. I. of the Second Series, com- 
 mencing with the Statutes of the now next Session, to be also continued 
 until completed. The Student will thus be enabled to supply himself, 
 by degrees, with the complete Code of the Statute Law of his Country 
 to qualify him for the Rolls of the Court, or the Bar. The Contents of 
 the THIRD and subsequent Series will be announced on the completion of 
 the second Series. 
 
iitibtvtisemtnts. 
 
 37 
 
 Lately published, with Crimson backs, 
 
 IRISH MELODIES ; or, The LOVES OF THE TRIANGLES. 
 By the Author of THE BLOODY SHAMROCK, a Tale ok 
 Horror of the last Century. 
 
 " Full of strange feats and modern instances." 
 
 IF BOB STEWART, an Irishman who jobbed at the Castle, 
 in Dublin, and worked in the Yard, will apply to Mr. John Ketch, at 
 the New Drop, in the Old Bailey, London, he will hear of something to 
 his advantage. 
 
 HE NATIVES OF IRELAND, desirous of being present 
 
 at an ENTERTAINMENT where DERRY DOWN TRIANGLE will 
 
 preside, are informed, that there will be NO WHIPS after dinner, and are 
 
 requested to signify their desire to Mr. MUD FORD, Editor of the Courier, 
 
 (and late Editor of the Scourge), at the Courier Office. 
 
 THE TRIANGLE. 
 
 The Puinter has mislaid the manuscript belonging to this cut. 
 
 IMPROMPTU, 
 
 On bearing that the M- 
 
 OF L — 
 
 PRESSED TO TEATH. 
 
 Underneath tliis PRESS doth lie 
 As much blarney as could die. 
 Which, when alive, did varnish give 
 To as much knavery as could live. 
 
38 
 
 tE^t ^iitciu 
 
 THE 
 
 iBmav^^^ Beatf)* 
 
 This Dagger my sceptre, and Persecution my rrovvn ! 
 
 King Henry IV. 
 
 [NOTE.— This Article was written by the Author of the ♦ Slap,' and introduced 
 into it immediately on the Death of her Mnjesty.] 
 
 Her Majesty died by the dagger of Persecution. Her Perse- 
 cutors, unable to conceal the fact that she has been hurried to her 
 Grave, hypocritically whine over " the wounds themselves have 
 made," and, like the flying felon, who, to elude his pursuers, cries 
 " Stop thief!" they huddle up their knives, and charge her friends 
 and advisers with being her destroyers ! " Kissing the gashes that 
 bloodily do yawn upon their faces," they call her defenders and 
 protectors " a faction ;" and charge this faction with being her 
 assassins! Execrable villains ! Was it this " faction" brought her 
 from Germany ? Was she married by this " faction ?" Were her 
 conjugal rights denied her by this " faction ?" Was she deserted 
 and licensed to her " inclinations" by this " faction ?" Was she 
 spied upmi by this " faction?" WasAer character impeached by this 
 "faction?" Was the late King's frieyidship for her at that period 
 caused by a "faction ?" Was her child torn from her by a " fac- 
 tion ?" Was she tricked out of the country by a " faction ?" Was 
 her name omitted upon her daughter's coffin by a " faction ?" Was 
 
 wmmmmmamsmmmmaBm 
 
the "honourable" Milan Commissimi issued by the "faction?" 
 W^as the horde of miscreants who vomited forth their disgusting and 
 obscene perjuries ac^ainst her — were these collected by this "fac- 
 tion ?" Was her Trial in the House of Lords, amid the gibes and 
 jests, and scoffs and sneers, and the taunt of Ferociti/— was this 
 the act of " faction ?" Was the spiritual and temporal refusal to 
 place her name in the Liturgy the act of this " faction ?" Was 
 the refusal to crown her, or to assign her a place in the ceremonial 
 of her husband's Coronation, or to permit her presence to witness 
 it, or her expulsion from the doors, or the rancorous insults she sus- 
 tained that day, were these from the "faction?" NO! When the 
 brile and the threat availed not, and she came to England in the 
 courage of her noble heart, and the full majesty of innocence — 
 when the enraged host gathered for her desolation hurtled from the 
 high places as a whirlwind, the People, seeing that in her person 
 the Principles of Humanity and the Constitution were invaded, 
 reflecting on her sufferings and their own, and aroused by a sense 
 of duty and of danger, united for lier preservation. Animated by 
 the Justice of their cause, and headed hy the Press, they read a 
 moral lesson to her deadly persecutors, at which they turned pale, 
 and from which they shrunk back in dismay ! The archers shot at 
 her sorely, but the People saved her from swift destruction. This 
 offence was never to be forgiven. They who had elevated the 
 Queen above the craft of Priestianity and the cruelty of Court 
 Selfishness, were more exposed to attack than her whom they had 
 preserved. Her enemies rallied to assail her friends. If we seek 
 the names of the assailants from among the Members of the 
 Bridge-Street Gang, a formidable list might be selected. There 
 we should find the slanderous Blacovv, and at the head of the 
 muster-roll might be placed Slop. This " wretch" and his Gang, 
 commenced Prosecutions against the humblest of the Queen's 
 friends, while the hireling presses foamed into a settled Perseaition 
 against her and them. The Slop-pail frothed up its malignant 
 spume ; official poison Croked forth from the Courier ; the organ 
 of the Fashionable JVarld discharged his filthy ribaldry ; and the 
 assaults of a band of obscene ivretches, Sunday after Sunday, were 
 defended and aided by the prostituted pen of Slop. In violation of 
 the sanctity which even savages attach to the chambers of death, 
 some of the heartless fiends who dogged her through life, and hurried 
 her " to the hoi/^e appoiTcted far all living,'* pursue their remorse- 
 less warfare beyond the grave. Others (following the example of 
 their abettors, who, in mockery of death itself, put the signs of 
 mourning upon the outsides of their houses, while they chuckle with 
 I joy within), now that they have consummated their crime, make a 
 merit of not preying upon her dead body ! Her frame, too weak to 
 
40 
 
 " 
 
 
 bear their blows upon her heart, surreiulered its mighty spirit into 
 tlie hands of Him who gave it, and her murderers exclaim, 
 " Well ! she is gone— at last ; let us bury all animosities with her!" 
 BRUTAL TAUNT ! They hoisted the black flag of unrelenting 
 and deadly hate against her as long^ as she lived — they have exter- 
 minated her, and they hang out a white one, crying Peace! Peace ! 
 where there is no Peace ! They have floated themselves to the 
 favour of their employers in her blood, and the guilty villains, 
 retreating to their den to celebrate their horrible triumph, pray 
 us not to disturb their secret orgies with our clamours ! 
 
 It is said, that only a few hours before she ceased to breathe, 
 she spoke of the modes her savage adversaries had successfully put 
 in practice, of separating worthy people from her society : one of 
 which was, to deter them from visiting her, by propagating the most 
 atrocious calumnies against her, and them. Never was human 
 being attacked with more malignant ferocity by the Furies of 
 THE Press, than this noble-minded and innocent lady— never will 
 they perpetrate a fouler Murder ! Instruments of cruelty are in 
 their habitations. 0, my soul I come not thou into their secret ! 
 
 Her dying declaration, "THEY HAVE DESTROYED ME!" 
 will be remembered long after her destroyers. Her blood is on 
 their heads. They allowed her no peace on earth. AVw— she 
 hears not the voice of the oppressor— she is ivhere the wicked cease 
 from troubling, and where the weary are at rest. 
 
 In fixedness of courage immovable, in clearness of intellect 
 imrivalled, she shone on earth as the polar-star in the firmament 
 of her sex, and in her utmost need, they circled round her as the 
 sun of their glorj'. Her wrongs and her fate are indelibly regis- 
 tered in our annals. Honest historians of after-times will narrate 
 them truly, and unpensioned Bards embalm her to posterity. 
 
 The Queen's dying request was, to lie in the same tomb with her 
 child— sad experience taught her to anticipate a refusal from her 
 relentless enemies ! 
 
 " Let her be buried in the King's highway, 
 For on her heart fhey trod, the while she liv'd; 
 And, buried once, why not upon her head?"— 
 
 Men and Women of England ! have ye not 
 
 " a little Grave, 
 
 A litUe little Grave !"- 
 
 Her Spirit was with the People while she lived- 
 belongs to them now she is no more. 
 
 -her Body 
 
 Thb Author of the 
 Political House that Jack Built. 
 
 [•»• When this article was written, the Queen lay unburied.] 
 
C]&e 0nttn. 
 
 4i 
 
 THE 
 
 DEATH-I.IGHT 
 
 OP 
 
 CAROI.INE'S HAI.I.* 
 
 [For this Poem the Author of the ' Slap' is indebted to the ready pen of an | 
 able typographical friend.] 
 
 The death-lights glimmer in Caroline's hall, 
 Where strangers have spread the funeral pall ; 
 Relations by blood from her have fled, 
 And other hands have pillow'd her head — 
 Yet a halo round her temples plays. 
 Brighter than earthly crowns can raise ! 
 
 When her heart-strings broke, no husband was tliei'o. 
 With a bursting breast, and a holy prayer — 
 Her Royal Spouse was o9i the sea, 
 In glittering pomp and pageantry ; 
 With streamers pointing to Erin's shore, 
 Where wassail, and wine, and wild uproar. 
 And the noisy mirth of a motley band. 
 Were to drown the sighs of a sorrowing land ! 
 
 The prospect was bright on her Bridal Day, 
 And English hearts were light and gay ; 
 Alas ! 'twas the gleam of a wintry sky. 
 When dark clouds come, and the storm is nigh. 
 The eye to bless, and the hand to save. 
 Were not the gifts that the altar gave ! 
 She never knew the sweet control 
 That wins, that guards the cherish 'd soul ; 
 But met the keen repulsive glance 
 From furious eye-balls turn'd askance ! — 
 A licensed outcast, bade to roam. 
 No husband's bed — no friend — no home— 
 The treacherous Spi/ in ambush placed. 
 Our British name defiled, disgraced ! 
 
At last kind Heaven upon her smiled—- 
 The raptured Mother clasp'd her Child ; 
 Maternal love beani'd from her eye ; 
 The tear-dew'd cheek fur once was dry. 
 But devilish hate could ne'er endure 
 A joy so sweet, a bliss so pure ; 
 And the cherub-smile that cheer'd her life, 
 Was rudely torn from the widow'd wife ! 
 
 But who shall tell — or who shall believe. 
 That malice could deeper wrongs conceive ? 
 O, learn the deed from the daughter's bier--- 
 In Judgment bid her Tomb appear ; 
 On the dark vault let the day-beam shine ; 
 Behold the broken lineage-line ! 
 The Record rests on the sculptured stone™ 
 Rolh'd of the Mothei''s name alone. 
 
 The surpliced Priest made no appeal — 
 His Earthly Masters check'd his zeal— 
 From those v.-ho bent their heads to Heaven, 
 To pray that mortals be forgiven ; 
 No kind behest for her was sent. 
 No Priestly hand to her was lent ; 
 But when, at length, she lifeless fell, 
 Rose the hollow sound of their passing bell ! 
 
 Well fed, well paid, to blast her name, 
 Swarms of Italian Monsters came ; 
 And English Monsters, fouler still, 
 Obey'd their Masters' deadly will ! 
 The fiends have chased her day by day, 
 Her Sabbath death -bed was their prey !— 
 These are not men!— they never press'd 
 The life-streams from a human breast; 
 Nor are they woman-born— -but thrown 
 From some vile source to man unknown ! 
 
 She struggled long — she nobly rose 
 Triumphant o'er her rancorous foes ; 
 Bravely she stood the lengthen'd strife 
 For honest fame — more dear than life— 
 But ah ! the nerve, too finely strung. 
 Was wrench'd, was torn, was rudely wrung— 
 She won the prize— ^A«/ strength was given. 
 Then burst from earth to kinder Heaven ! 
 
 iii^m^^uLiM'jimr^ 
 
ROYAL CUCKOO CLOCK. 
 
 4.^ 
 
 C'loch. 
 
 ^LOP, SLANDERIA- 
 
 NI, & Co. Cuckoo Clock- 
 makers to his Majesty, have 
 the honour to acquaint the 
 Nobility, Gentry, and the 
 Public at large, that they 
 have completed their NEW 
 CUCKOO CLOCK, which has 
 been introduced into some 
 of the first Families, and 
 they hope will be received 
 with unbounded patronage 
 throughout the Kingdom. It 
 is capable of the most orna- 
 mental appearance, and un- 
 der their management re- 
 ceives every possible variety 
 of external splendor. They 
 fit it up as a piece of elegant 
 furniture, which has been 
 pronounced to be unrivalled 
 by personages of the highest 
 distinction and the most cor- 
 rect taste in virtu. In its 
 present unrivalled state of 
 perfection, they invite an im- 
 mediate inspection of the 
 article at their different ma- 
 nufactories in town. 
 
 It is well known, that the Coronation Oil of the Kings of 
 France was brought in a bottle from Heaven by an eagle, and from that 
 fact called /fo/y Oil. During the Revolution, a Jacobin took the liberty 
 of using the Holy Oil to grease his boots with, and the eagle not having ar- 
 rived with a fresh supply, it is said that Louis XVHL will remain uncrowned 
 until that event, or until the fellow's boots can be found and tlic oil ex- 
 tracted and ti-ansferred to the head of His Moyt Christian Majesty. 
 
41, 
 
 i0uftU!3l)ct)( tl)i9 iSai), 
 
 FEROCITY EXEMPLIFIED, by COMPARATIVE 
 ANATOMY; or, an Illustration of the FACIAL LINE in Man 
 and the Brute, showing the natural gradation from the ferocious to the 
 human being, with the domestic habits of the Savage. 
 
 DEDICATED TO HIS MAJESTY, 
 
 And the Society for the Suppression of Vice, 
 
 AriAEKAMHXANOS.* 
 ^HE JOURNAL OF THE LATE MR. ELLIOTT, Sur- 
 
 -*■ geon, &c. Translated from the Latin MS. in Pall-mall. With 
 Illustrations from Petronius Arbiter and Peter Aretin, and Sketches by 
 
 the Privy Painter. The Ititrulucthn by Sir W F . 
 
 Printed for W. Wright, the * Pedibus-annexis' Publisher, 46, Fleet- 
 street. • Suidiis. 
 
 In small royal, 
 npHE TRUE HAIR TO THE CROWN ; or, THE WHIGS 
 -* CUT FOR ANOINTING. By A LATE FOXITE. 
 
 THE TAXGATHERERS KNOCKING. 
 
 (Iv Imitation of ' The Woodpecker tapping.') 
 
 I knew by the wig that so gracefully curl'd 
 
 Above a high cape, that the ' was there. 
 
 And I said, if there's ton to be found in the world. 
 The Dandy of fashion will look for it here — 
 
 Half the shops were shut up, and I heard not a sound, 
 
 But Taxgath'rei-s knocking, while going their dull round! 
 
 And here, in Pall Mall, near the Park, I exclaim'd. 
 With a Bmnh, oh, how big ! and how gay to the eye. 
 
 Yachts, cots, and what-nots, all be-gilt, and be-femed. 
 What a strange mode of life ! — and I groan 'd out a sigh !- 
 
 While the shops are half shut, and we scarce hear a sound, 
 
 But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round ! 
 
 On pretence of Necessity, fi-equent large dips 
 
 In my now emptied pockets have made ine r«piae ; 
 
 In vain does Retrenchment rise up to my lips. 
 
 The — must live, though starvation be mine — 
 
 Though my shop be deserted, and heard not a sound. 
 
 But Taxgath'rers knocking, while going their dull round ! 
 
B 
 
 LACKGUARD'S EDINBURGH MAGAZINE; 
 
 Or, THE HAGGIS BAG. 
 
 CONTENTS : 
 
 I. Guard' a low. — H. Lines suggested by the sight of a Gallows, with 
 some friends of ours. — HI. The Golden Bull, or Second Sight, by Sir 
 Walter Scott.— IV. Charlie's Fleturn, or the Welcome, by ditto.— V. The 
 Editor's Fudge-it.— VI. Auld Reekies Mawwallup for the Londoners. — 
 VII. Chal dee Manuscript, Part II. by James Hogg, tht Aye-trick Shep- 
 herd. — VIII. Liar Bacon; ditto. — IX. The Broken Heart ; a Merriment. 
 — X. A Gallop on the Grave of Keats. — XI. Mode of Applying Torture to 
 the Mind.— XII. Philosophy of Self, No. I ; by the Publisher.— XIII. 
 A Grey Head brought in sorrow to the Grave; a Capital Joke.— XIV. 
 Cowardice made easy to the meanest capacity, by Mr. Lackheart. — XV. On 
 the probable injurious Influence of Moral and Religious Instruction on our 
 Character and Circulation ; by the Publisher. — XVI. Any Man's Privacy, 
 every Man's Property. — XVII. The Loathing Bull, or the Widow's Cow ; 
 a Sentiment. — XVIII. Elegy on Henry IX., King of England. — XIX. 
 Pleasures of Malignity, by Mr. Lackheart. — XX. The Grave Digger, 
 No. lOI.-XXI. The Bum Boat, No. 17.— XXII. The Scottish Regalia; 
 an old Wife's Tale. — ^XXIII. A few words to that immense body of Man- 
 kind, who refuse to hand us the siller. — XXIV. Works we are preparing 
 for Suffocation.— XXV. Monthly Listof Jew Publications.— XXVI. Monthly 
 Wretched-stir. 
 
 A PERTICULAR FAC. 
 We hae muckle fear for the weal o' the Cantry o'Breetan, frae the great 
 deal o' ill bulks, like unto the deil's bulks, and the like o'that. We hae 
 juist glowred o'er a wee buikee, a verra bad buik indeed — a verra bad bulk. 
 An' we are verra sorey to say, there are money o' sic bad bulks, fu' o' 
 daflin, trying to thraw contemp upo' the thron an' the halter, ca'ing tlie 
 Lord Provost a fuil, an' the Lord Advocate nae better, and a' the great 
 folk pawkie loons ; an' we can compare't to naething but the muckle black 
 de'il fiddling thro' the toon. As sic is the case, it's nae for the siller we're 
 writing, but oot o' pure lawyellty an' patriotism for the guid o' the Cantry. 
 Gin the silly peeple keun'd what wa'd be guid for them, tliey wa'd nae fash 
 themsels aboot learning to read ava, or read naething but our Maggy-zeen, 
 an' we hope to see the day whan there'll be naething but our Maggy-zeen 
 read thro' a' the Cantry ; for we are fermly persuaded that the folk are 
 turning o'er learned, an' we are aye endeavoring to write them doon to the 
 state o' happy ignorance an' respectfu' submission that they war in, whan 
 the guid-wife wad say to her ain guid man, * Git up, Donald, and be 
 hangit, an' dinna anger the laird!' It's naething but right and proper 
 that King Geordie an' his Mean-astres s'ud juist hae their ain gait o't in 
 a' things * as the Cat had wi' the haggis:— ate the pudden, an' gaed to 
 sleep i' the bag !' For an it be na sae, we're muckle afeerd that his most 
 gracious Mad-jestie winna be aible to eat his parritch, an'scrach himsel' in 
 safety. 
 
 N. B. We hae great help in preevat frae Sir Wattie, who conn'd-his-ends 
 de^el-hight-fully, an' his guid-son, Maister Lackheart, is our perticular 
 freend an' contra-booter ; an' Maister Blackguard drives that * Jacobite 
 Relic' Jamie Hogg, the aye-trick Sheepherd, juist as he likes. And sae 
 we'll hae mony delectfu' extracts fra' the bulks prentit in Niddry's Wynd, 
 an' a wallet o' ballets pruiving the truith o' the sayen o' his Mad-jestie 
 King Jamie the Saxt, that * to scratch wbare it etches is o'er muckle 
 luck-surie for a mere sabject.* 
 
 Edinburgh : Printed for W. Blackwood, 17, Princes-street. 
 
 In thin Quarto, 
 
 A VISION OF WANT OF JUDGMENT. BySLOBBER'D 
 MOUTHEY, Esq. Hell, Hell, D ; Poet Sorry-head, Mumbler 
 
 of the Royal Spanish Satiety, of the Satieties of every other place, of Uie 
 Royal Order of Turncoats, and of an eminent Welch Obscurity. 
 
A NEW VISION, 
 
 By ROBERT SOUTHEY, Esq.! LL.D.!! 
 
 Poet Laureate !!! &c. !!!! &c !!!!! &c. !!!!!! 
 
 'TwAS at that sober hour when the light of day is receding, 
 I alone in Slop's Office was left; and, in trouble of spirit, 
 I mused on old times, till my comfort of heart had departed. 
 Pensile at least I shall be, mcthought— ius. per coll. surely I 
 And therewithal felt I my neckloth ; when lo ! on a sudden, 
 There came on my eyes, hanging mid-way ^twixt heav'n and St. James's, 
 The book call'd the Pensio)i List. There did I see my name written. 
 Yea ev'n in that great book of life ! It was sweet to my eyelids, 
 As dew from a tax ! and Infinity seem'd to be open. 
 And I said to myself, * Now a blessing be on thee, my Robert ! 
 And a blessing on thee too my pen ! and on thee too my sack-but !' 
 
 Now, as thus I was standing, mine ear heard a rap at the street-door, 
 Ev'n such as a man might make bold with, half gentle half footman ; 
 And lo ! up the stairs, dotting one, one, after the other. 
 Came the leg of a wonder, hop ! hop ! through the silence of evening ; 
 And then a voice snarling from the throat of the him they call Murray, 
 Who said, as he hopp'd, * Must the Muck Times be mournful at all times ? 
 Lo, Slop, I've a sop, for your mop ; yes— hop ! hop ! I've a story. 
 With which I'll light you up, if you'll light me, Slop, up another.' 
 
 * Don't be so hold ." methought a larking voice from the sk-ylight 
 Answer'd, and therewithal I felt fear as of frightening ; 
 Knowing not why, or how, my soul seem'd night-cap to my body. 
 Then came again the voice, but then with a louder squalling— 
 • Go to HELL,' said the voice. * What/,' said I, inwardly, ' /go!' 
 When lo, and behold, a great wonder! — I, I, Robert Southey, 
 Even I, Robert Southey, Esquire, LL.D. Poet L.\ureate, 
 Member of the Royal Spanish Academy, of the 
 Ditto of history too, of the Institute Royal 
 Of Dutchland, and eke of the Welch Cj'mmodorion wonder. 
 Author of Joan of Arc, of much Jacobin Verse, and Wat Tyler, 
 Et caetera, et caetera, et caetera, et caetera, et caetera, 
 (For it's unk-nown all the things that I am, and have written), 
 /, as I said before, ev'n I, by myself, /, 
 Unlike, in that single respect, to my great master Dante, 
 (For Virgil went with him to help him), but like in all othei-s, 
 Rush'd up into Paradise boldly, which angels themselves don't, 
 Yea ev'n into Paradise rush'd I, through showers offiimsieSf 
 All as good as the Bank, and for hailstones I found there were Sovereigns, 
 Spick and span new ; and anon was a body all glorified, 
 Even all the great Host both of Church and State, Crosses, Grand Crosses, 
 Commanders, Companions, and Knights of all possible orders, 
 Commons and Peers, the souls of the eold, whom Pensions made perfect. 
 
NEW VISION. 47 
 
 Flocking on either hand, a multitudinous army, 
 
 Coronet, Crosier, and Mitre, in grand semicircle inclining, 
 
 Tier over tier they took their place, aloft in the distance. 
 
 Far as the sight could pierce. Stars, Garters, and Gold Sticks. 
 
 From among the throng bless'd, all full dress'd, in a Field Marshal's uniform, 
 
 Rose one, with a bow serene, who, aloft, took his station ; 
 
 Before him the others crouch'd down, all inclining in concert, * 
 
 Bent like a bull-rush sea, with a wide and a manifold motion : 
 
 There he stood in the midst alone ; and in front was the presence, 
 
 With periwig curling and gay, and a swallow-cut coat-tail. 
 
 Hear ye of long ears ! Lo ! in that place was Cannmg, 
 He who strengthens the Church and State, with his Manton's hair-triggers, 
 And sneers on his lips, and eyes leering, and rupturmis speeches ; 
 With him Fletcher Franklin I saw, and Sir Robert, my namesake. 
 Worthy the name ! even Baker, Sir Robert, of Bow-street ; 
 And Giffatd, with face made of lachrymose, savage and feeble. 
 Who delighteth with Croker to cut up men, women, and young men. 
 And therefore did Hazlitt cut him up, and so he stood mangled. 
 There, too, brocaded and saiin'd, stood smiling and bowing, 
 With Court-mask'd appearance, the Fearful One, him o( Triangle f 
 And there, too, the Foolish one, e»r?/fer-conscienced, the Doctor ! 
 And I saw in the vision, the Generals, Sol. and Attoirney ; 
 And Sacchi, was there too, and him surnamed Non mi Ricordo ; 
 And Mad'moiselle Dcemon, and Barbara Kress, and Rastelli ; 
 And Mister, and Mister-ess Jessop, and eke the Miss Jessops ; 
 
 And Mar ss H d, and M ss C tn, also ; 
 
 And Mrs. Fitz 1, and C ch ; and in sooth all the Beauties 
 
 Of the ' Georgian age,' except Robinson Mary, 
 
 Whom great G. first sent to the D , and little G. after, 
 
 ^Namely Gifford, who smote at her sorely, yea, ev'n at her crutches. 
 
 So that she fell in her grave, and said, ' Cover me kind earth !') 
 
 And the great minded C I was there, looking like to Behemoth ; 
 
 And the Lauderdale disinterested, great Scotch standard-bearer. 
 
 And there, too, the king's much-conspired-against-stationer. King, stood,. 
 
 The Lord Mayor of Dublin, who sendeth his Majesty's whiskey; 
 
 And the Members of Orange Clubs all, anti-Irish shillelahs ; 
 
 And a heav'nly assembly o( parsons, some, lately, expectant — 
 
 Parson Hey ? Parson B. called, otherwise. Parson Black-cow, divine brute ! 
 
 Parson C. alias Croly, or Crawley, or Coronaroly, 
 
 Who putteth forth innocent pamphlets on pure coronations, 
 
 Expecteth Milleniums, and laudeth the Blackguard of Blackwood's, 
 
 And looketh both lofty and slavish, a dreariness high-nosed. 
 
 As if he had, under the chin been, by worshipful men, chuck'd ; 
 
 And great Parson Eat-all-stone, who'd swallow any thing surely ; 
 
 And the Manchester Yeomanry Cavalry, riding down women ; 
 
 Alii Alderman Atki7i$, with Curtis, that big belly-gerent; 
 
 And Flower, and Bridges, C. Smith, and the rest of the Bridge Gang; 
 
 All cloth'd for the heav'nly occasion in their best Indictments ! 
 
 And there all the Lottery-contractors, and such like, were also ; 
 
4a DOCTOR SOUTHEY'S 
 
 And there Mr. Strong-i-W-cvnn, his Majesty's Seal- Engraver, was also ; 
 
 And they all who forged^ lo ! the French Assignats, were there also ; 
 
 And the Court-newsman also \vas there 
 
 (The Spirit now bids me write prose, but that, you know's all the same thing) 
 
 And Colburn with his Muck Monthly Magazine was there ; 
 
 And JVard, the Animal Painter, witli a piece of spoil'd canvas, 35 feet 
 wide by 21, was there; 
 
 But Bird who, most disloyally, died of a broken heart, was not there ; 
 
 And the Duke of Wellington, with the Sword of State, was there ; 
 
 And Sir John Silvester, the Recorder of London, and his assistant, were there ; 
 
 And Messrs. Rundell and Bridge, the Jewellers who repair'd the Crown, 
 were there ; 
 
 And the Pigtails cut off from his Majesty's guards were there ; 
 
 And the Guards themselves in their next uniforms, and new white gaiters, 
 were there ; 
 
 And the State Coach and Coachmen and Horses were there ; 
 
 And the other Ministers of State in their new State Liveries were there ; 
 
 And the Clerks of the Council and the two Silver Inkstands were there ; 
 
 And all the Gentlemen of the Stock Exchange were there ; 
 
 And all the Gentlemen of tlie Shipping Interest were there ; 
 
 And all the Gentlemen of tke Landed Interest were there ; 
 
 But all the people tvithout Interest were not there ; 
 
 And all the Peers who voted the Queen of England guilty were there ; 
 
 And all the Ministerial Members of the House of Commons were there ; 
 
 And Dr. Slop with 'fresh fig-leaves for Adain and Eve' was there ; 
 
 And the Royal Proc/awta^/VwagaiustViceandlmmorality was pasted up there. 
 
 And behold, while I read it, thinking to put it, excellent as it was, into 
 language still better, 
 
 Methought, in my vision, I dreamt— dream within dream intercircled— 
 
 And seem'd to be hurried away, by a vehement whirlwind, 
 
 To Flames and Sulphurous Darkness, where certain of my Minw Pog?nt 
 
 were scorching, 
 Yet unconsum'd, in penal fire ; and so was / purified 
 For deeds done in the flesh, being, through them, burnt by proxy ! 
 There, too, roasted the Bishop of Osnaburgh's Doxy, 
 But the Righteous-one, the Prince Bishop himself, was in Heaven; 
 And two Boots were there, as a burnt-offering ior peccadillo, 
 But the Owner thereof was a glorified spirit above. 
 Where, as in duty bound, I had sung to him ' Twang-a-dillo, 
 He that loves a pretty girl, is a hearty good fellow !' 
 And in Torment (but here the blest rage of the bard returns on me) 
 And in torment was She, who, on earth, bad been also tormented 
 By Him who is never, nor can be accused, of aught vicimes; 
 With her were the friends of my childhood— not leavmg out Coleridge ; 
 And they who were kiWd by the Manchester Yeomanry also ; 
 And Truth, the whole Truth, nothing but the Truth, suffered the burning. 
 Then I turn'd my meek eyes, in their gladness, to Heaven, and my place there, 
 And ascending, I flew back to Paradise, singing of Justice; 
 Where, fill'd with divine expectation of merited favour, 
 
NEW VISION. 
 
 4d 
 
 The gathering hostlook'd to him, in whom all their hopes center'd, 
 As the everlasting hand ; and I, too, press'd fonvard to obtain — 
 But old recollections withheld me ; — down, down, dropp'd my sack-but, 
 And my feet, methought, slid, and I fell precipitate. Starting, 
 Then I awoke, with my hair up, and lo ! my young days were before me, 
 Dark yet distinct; but instead of the voice of the honest, 
 I heard onlyMurray's t/apf yap! and hop! hop! through the silenceof evening: 
 Yap! hop! and hop! yap! — and hence came the hop, step, and jump, of 
 my verses. 
 
 BOROUGH-BRIDGE REFORM. 
 
 To the Ancient and Honourable Corporation of Boeoughjiongers, in Pala- 
 VERMENT ASSEMBLER, THE PETITION of the Ancient and Honour- 
 able Cmporation q/" London Bridge in Arches assembled, 
 Hl'mbly sheweth, 
 
 That, for some time past, an opinion has prevailed, that your Petitioners' 
 Arches are narrow and decayed, and that their continuance in their present 
 state is attended with an unnecessary annual expense, and loss of lives. 
 
 That, in consequence of this opinion, a large body of persons assembled 
 for Bridge Reform, have insisted upon the necessity of widening your Peti- 
 tioners' Arches, and have actually erected, in your Petitioners' neighbour- 
 Jiood, a new bridge, with arches calculated to give free course to the whole 
 tide, and a safe and uninterrupted public communication— to the great 
 scandal of your Petitioners. 
 
 That your Petitioners' Arches, and the Borough Arches of your 
 Honourable Structure, are the production of one a)ul the same mind. 
 
 That your Honourable Structure being a inodel of perfection, your 
 Petitionei-s have, therefore, a right to presume that their Bridge is also 
 a model of perfection. 
 
 That your Petitioners, respectfully referring to the enlightened declara- 
 tion of the Emperor of Austria, that what is ancient?'* good, humbly beg leave 
 to represent, that it is essential to the permanence of your Honourable 
 Structure in its present state, to stop the progres of all enlargement. 
 
 And your Petitioners humbly pray, that the Right Hon. George Canninq 
 
 may be assigned advocate in their behalf, to convince the Public that your 
 
 Petitioners' Arches are exactly as numerous, as narrow, and as decayed as 
 
 they ought to be; which office your Petitioners have no doubt the said Right 
 
 Hon. Gent, willgladly luuiertakp, upon boing allowed to receive an ample toil. 
 
 AND YOUR PETITIONERS, as in unifcn-mittj bound, will ever 
 
 pray for Your Honouraei.e Structure, ficc. 
 
 II 
 
50 !llti\3frtisniTents, 
 
 To ACCOUNTANTS and Others. Any Persons who will 
 undertake to unravel the Financial ACCOUNTS of Messrs. VAN 
 and Co. to the understandina^ of the Parties interested in their Affairs, 
 may have CONSTANT EMPLOY. Apply to Mr. Bull, who is concerned 
 far the Creditors, at the Pawnbrokers, In Capel-coiut. 
 
 REVOLUTIONARY WIG. 
 
 THE LATE MR. SERGEANT COPLEY'S WIG-MAKER 
 begs leave to inform gentlemen of the profession, that he has com- 
 pletely succeeded in overcoming the diftirultj' so long complained of by 
 gentlemen at the bar, who are desirous of turning without discomposure ; 
 for proof whereof he refers by permission to the Solicitor General and the 
 Chief Justice of Chester, who, for a long time, could not tiirn at all, but 
 now revolve perfectly at ease. 
 
 WARREN'S BLACK-RAT BLACKING. 
 
 /~NHARLES WARREN, of CHESTER-PLACE, with the 
 
 ^^ utmost diffidence, publicly announces his successful discovery. By 
 the first application of his varnish to 
 BOOTS, he saw his own face in them, 
 w ith a Judge's wig on his head ; and he 
 assures his old friends, who he knows 
 will take his word for it, that the reflection 
 was so strong, it almost knocked him buck. 
 He earnestly desires their approbation, 
 and solicits their favour in his new shop. 
 He humbly begs they will support him as 
 much as they can. His going round among 
 strangers is insupportable to him, imless 
 he can get a few of his former friends to 
 accomjMity him. 
 
 GOLDEN OINTMENT FOR THE EYES. This invaluable 
 Ointment enables the patient to see in the dark. 
 
 (CASE.) 
 
 DEAR SIR; " Keswick, Cwnherland, mh July, 1821. 
 
 " Your invaluable ointment being strongly recommended to me some 
 years ago, I was induced to try a box. Its effects were astonishing!— I 
 immediately looked two ways at once, and saw my way clear to the 
 Laureateship. I have seen in the dark ever since ! Without its powerful 
 operation I could never have obtained the degree of LL.D. Please to send 
 some in the usual way by J'un, as I find it utterly impossible to live with- 
 out it, and recommend it to all my relations. 
 
 " I am, dear Sir, vour's, 
 
 " R. SOUTHEY, Esq. LL. D. 
 " Poet Laureate ; Member of the Royal Spanish Academy ; of the Royal Spanish 
 Academy of History ; of the Royal Institute of the Netherlands ; of the Cymmodo- 
 rion, &c. Author of Wat Tylerj Joan of Are, Minor Poems, &c. &c." 
 
 {5^ Prepared in Crown boxes, by Mr. GEORGE KING, No. 4, at the 
 Toy-shop, Constitution-hill, near the bottom. 
 
 T OST, THE BALANCE OF EUROPE, as privately ad- 
 
 -■-^ justet^ according to a pair of pocket scales, by the Marquess of 
 Londonderry; it was last seen on a piece o/'prt/?0' at Laybach, Please to 
 bring it to the Foreign Office. 
 
atrbeitisemtnts. 
 
 61 
 
 rj^UE MAGNIFICENT PYRAMID, erected by the wisdom, 
 
 labour, property, and lives of our forefathers, has been completely 
 REVERSED. Architects, well enough acquainted with the structure to 
 undertake its RESTORATION, will be allowed any time they desire for a 
 work of such vast magnitude, but it must be undertaken immediately, as it 
 is shored up in its present INVERTED STATE at an immense annual 
 expense, with yrail matcriak. Testimonials of the greatest respectability 
 for capacity and character, and security for completion of the task, with- 
 out further injury to the ornament at the apex, will be required. Apply 
 to the Board of Control. 
 
 CONVULSIONS, &c. 
 
 A REAL BLESSING — THE AMERICAN SOOTHING 
 
 -^^ SYRUP, an infallible Remedy for CONVULSIONS, affording im- 
 mediate ease in disorders of the Constitution, and healing multitudes in 
 the most desponding condition. 
 
 Such are the virtues of this healing Balm for assuaging misery and 
 anguish in the suffering, that innumerable impositions have been prac- 
 tised. It is, therefore, requisite to notice, that the genuine article has the 
 word LibeHii on the seal.— Prepared, as usual, by the assigns of Messrs. 
 Franklin, Washington, and Co. from the original recipe, and may be had 
 genuine in America- square. 
 
 •«• If ever there was a blessing sent from Heaven for the relief of the 
 suffering, the American Soothing Syrup claims the pre-eminence. The 
 poor relieved gratis. 
 
 N. B. It has been discovered that the American Sootkino Syrup is an 
 fafallible TEST FOR SOVEREIGNS. It in no way blemishes a.good one, 
 Jjut discovers the baseness of a bad one iramediatelv. 
 
62 
 
 Ulibfrtiscmcuts, 
 
 SCHOOLS FOR ALL. 
 
 TTSEFUL INSTRUCTION having hitherto been chiefly con- 
 
 ^^ fined to the Productive Classes, and many in the Upper Ranks still 
 remaining in a deplorable state of ignorance, it is intended to establish 
 SCHOOLS FOR THE HIGHER ORDERS, in order that, by being 
 equally well-informed with the rest of the community, the plea of ignorance 
 may no longer he allowed as an excuse for want of knowledge in the duties 
 of life. Further information may be had of the printer. 
 
 UNIVERSAL SAFETY LAMP. 
 
 One unclouded blaze of living light. 
 
 rjynE COMBINATION AGAINST THIS LAMP renders it 
 •*" necessary to state some of its advantages. The best of the Common 
 Parish L.4mfs, so universally complained of for their dulness, do little more 
 than render darkness visible, and assist the perpetration of crime. If their 
 forms are occasionally varied by lacquer and v'arnish, and rendered pleasing 
 to the eye, their light is not improved in the smallest degree ; and they 
 require a mi-ltitude of hands to feed and trim them, at a most enormous 
 expense ; while THE " UNIVERSAL SAFETY" LAMP difluses a bril- 
 liant and steady lustre, and a genial warmth equal to the solar beam. It 
 eclipses every other brightness. The only inconvenience complained of 
 by the nervous and fastidious is, that its flame sometimes rises during a 
 storm, and emits a small portion of smoke, but this vapotir ceases almost 
 immediately after the agitation has subsided. It is constructed on an 
 ■unerring principle of Self- regulation ; it cannot be extinguished hy any 
 jpoirer on eart/i, anil will Last for Ever. 
 
^trbtitistrntnto. 
 
 53 
 
 THE NEW INDIAN JUGGLER 
 
 T 
 
 IHIS CELEBRATED PERFORMER, whose early 
 
 operations in Asia, and subsequent slight-of-hand in Europe, have 
 rendered him notorious, will perform the fiist opportunity. If he has the 
 consent of his landlady's friends, he will put the sword down her throat, 
 and keep it there as long as he pleases — the like not exhibited in England. 
 He will then set the balls a-flying like winged messengers. These tricks, 
 with permission, he is ready to exhibit. Further particulars in future 
 Adverti se nients . 
 
 GENERAL ORDERS. UthJuly, 1821. 
 
 XT is Ordered, that there be delivered to every private Soldier, 
 
 -*- now in his Majesty's Service, or who may be hereafter enlisted therein, 
 a copy of the New Testament, with the 5th, 6th, and 7th chapters of 
 Matthew cut out, and the Articles of War stitched in their place ; and any 
 Soldier who shall pawn or sell the said New Testament without first taking 
 out the said Articles of War, and keeping them for his o^vn use, shall 
 suffer death. 
 
 SERVICE CLUB. 
 Resolved, lAfh July, 1821. 
 
 'r^HAT an English Artisan is a scamp and a ragamuffin, until 
 
 -■- a profit has been had out of a red coat, which, when put on his back 
 at the public expense, suddenly transforms him into the bravest and finest 
 fellow in the world. E. PAULET. 
 
 CORN PLAISTER. 
 
 f'pHIS SOOTHING ARTICLE being entirely exhausted, 
 
 "*■ the Select Committee of the House of Commons, on Agricultural 
 Distress, will be glad of the smallest quantity, that they may dispense it to 
 the various sufferers throughout the country. 
 
 XIZ-ASTE PAPER and PARCHMENT, consisting of the 
 ' ' Petitions for a REFORM in the Representation, to be sold in 
 quantities — not less than a ton weight. 
 03° May be viewed, and particulars had, at the Parliament Coffee-House, 
 
54 
 
 ^tibntistmrnts. 
 
 rpUE TENTHS, or KING'S OWN. Persons xvilling 
 
 " to contract for the purpose of furnishing this active Legion with 
 FORAGE, and supplying the Mess, may apply to the Barrack-Master- 
 General, Lambeth. 
 
 nnHE REV. S. PIGGOTT, A.M. Curate and Lecturer of 
 
 St. James's, Clerkenwell, and St. Antholin's, Watling-street, 
 WANTS A PLACE. He has written Prayers for Families, a Guide to 
 the Altar, and an Example of Conversion by the Common Prayer Book ; 
 named the Queen the German Helen ; represented her with a lighted 
 torch, reaching at the Bible and the Crown to destroy them ; called her 
 " Old Mother Red Cap ;" hung her head up as a sign to a public-house, 
 with a gross allusion to Bergami ; said her infamy was fixed ; and made 
 her Majesty exclaim, that — 
 
 " Thrice she'd expire in Matthew's arms, 
 Would but the hane;irian Matthew spare!" 
 
 Further particulars can be given by his Treasurer, Charles Bicknell, Esq . 
 Solicitor to the Admiralty, 3, Spring-garden Terrace, on whom all demands 
 on account of the Rev. S. PiGiiOXT's Loyal Association should be made ; 
 hut all monies due or owing thereto, arc requested to be paid immediately 
 to the Rev. S. Piggott only. 
 
 03= More information respecting liis clerical labours hereafter. 
 
 \\7- ANTED TO GO ABROAD, a stout, active, stone- 
 
 ^ * hearted young man, of a serious turn, as an apprentice in the 
 military business, and to assist as a missionary. 
 
 03'' Apply at the Bishop and Bayonet, Westminster. 
 
 A CAUTION. ~ 
 
 AjSLOW BUT SURE POISON, which gradually insinuates 
 itself into the system, and will utterly destroy a human being, is 
 now mak-ing frightful ravages. Its common name is CANT. Some blacks 
 deliver it in the lump, juadu certain lawyer has been seen to part with it 
 in the form of globules. It is most ^btle .when laminated, and unfortu- 
 nately is to be found in that state sprea^(^jer a large portion of the com- 
 munity. NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVCTJ, that the effluvia from the in- 
 fected is contagious. 
 
 N. B. The most certain symptom of tiie presence of the poison \t, 
 prostration of mind. 
 
€ttlfst-iiastical Jtiitrlltsfitrr. ^5 
 
 Please to remember the Grotto !" 
 
 PRIESTIANITY. 
 
 As a grateful return to the Productive Classes of England, 
 for bread, meat, beer, cellars of wines, rich furniture, luxurious 
 equipages, princely palaces, clothing of purple and fine linen, 
 and faring sumptuously every day, during the whole of their 
 ecclesiastical lives, out* of the people's labour, the following 
 TEN PRELATES have become members of the anti-social 
 ASSOCIATION in Bridge-street: — 
 
 The Bishop of Gloucester 
 
 Llandafr 
 
 Peterborouffh 
 
 The Bishop of Bangor 
 
 Carlisle 
 
 — — Chester 
 
 Durham 
 
 • Ely 
 
 St. David's 
 York 
 
 Dr. Maltus has received a Prize for his Essay on the Moral 
 Restraint of War, the Blessings of Famine, the Advantages of Pes- 
 tilence, the Comforts of Disease, and the Piety of Decease. 
 
 Bp. Tommy O'Linn has a Faculty for copying the newspapers into 
 an original Life of Mr. Pitt. 
 
 Bp. Van Mill-dirt is collated to a Dhinery for telling which side 
 his bread is buttered on in the dark. 
 
 Published for the Benefit of the Clergy, 
 
 THE ART OF CONDUCTING WAR ON CHRISTIAN 
 PRINCIPLES. 
 
 Shortly will be published, for the Use of Schools, 
 
 "pRIESTIANITY and CHRISTIANITY COMPARED; or, 
 
 -■- A Parallel between the Principles of Christianity and the Practice 
 «f Priestianitv. 
 
56 iJmpcvial JWnlJcrnunt* 
 
 HOUSE OF TOPS.- Whensthbday. 
 Ordefied, That after the adjournment of the House to-day, strangers 
 be accommodated with seats until the sitting of the House to-morrow.— • 
 Adjourned. 
 
 HOUSE OF BOTTOMS. 
 
 Moved and Seconded, That the following words be stereotyped by the 
 printer to the House, and sent to all the newspapers for the convenience of 
 reporting the Manager's speeches, viz. 
 
 " He should not follow the hon. member into any of the various points 
 of liis extended speech, but content himself with moving an adjournment, 
 resting fully satisfied upon the wisdom of the House for a proper decision 
 of the question when it came regularly before them." — Agreed to without 
 a division. — Adjourned. 
 
 Substance of the Bills for Restraining the Press. 
 
 — Kneor Gagret, the pseudo ump alor al'Ambassadereiix, roseat ul purpe 
 et Suheance du Balles au Pres,— Volumptuanum et geordibus non et est 
 ccclaribus tandem et priorus au clericus pooribus, that is to say, Castigatus 
 videm Literorumme-a'-Presserorumine-a'-Exposerumet vi al quid o'tobacce 
 au sycophantussum hark !-Contriorium, etc. etc. ! ! ! 
 
 Receipt to make an Attoeney-General. — Take a little 
 
 man with an eye to his prefermeiit. It is not necessary that he should be 
 much of a lawyer, provided that he be a Hat. He must have docility suf- 
 ficient to do any thing ; and (/ the period should arrive when potver can make 
 rules and laws for the evident purpose of gratifying malignity, he should be 
 one who should be ready to advise or consent to the creation of new cases, 
 mid be able to defend new remedies for them, though they militate against 
 every principle of reason, equity, ai\d justice. — Rolliad, p. 433. 
 
 [Advertisement.] — Rkal Brunswick Mum sent (carriage 
 free) from the Horse Guards to all parts of the Kingdom, at an hour's notice. 
 
 [Advertisement.] — We are authorized to contradict a report that Mr. 
 Vansittart, in his Speech at the last Bible Society Meeting, endeavoured 
 to induce the members to refrain from the purchase of shares and tickets 
 in the ensuing Lottery. 
 
 [Advertisement.] — Connoisseurs in the Arts of Design will be gratified 
 to hear, that an assemblage of the Old Masters in different states, will 
 shortly be submitted to the hammer. 
 
 PROMOTION.— The Press to be the Board of Controul. 
 
 BIRTH. 
 At the Den, in Bridge-street, John Reeves, esq. M.B.S.G. of a Ten 
 Pound Note. It is not supposed he can recover. 
 MARRIAGE. 
 His Imperial Majesty Prince Despotism, in a consumption, to Her 
 Supreme Antiquity, The Ignorance of Eighteen Centuries, in a decline. 
 The bridal dresses were most superb. 
 
 DEATH. 
 His most Sacred Majesty Right Divine. His Legitimacy being declared 
 illegitimate, he has no successor. He was the founder of the Oily Alliance, 
 and a sincere Priestian. 
 
 Printed by and for \V. Ho.ve, 4;"i, Ludgate Hill, London. 
 
ASPERSIONS ANSWERED: 
 
 AN EXPLANATORY 
 
 STATEMENT, 
 
 ADDRESSED 
 
 TO THE PUBLIC AT LARGE, 
 
 AND 
 TO EVERY READER OF 
 
 THE QUARTERLY REVIEW 
 
 IN PARTICULAR. 
 
 By WILLIAM HONE. 
 
 Truth will ultimately prevail, even though he who uttered it should 
 be destroyed. Dr. Vicesimus Knox. 
 
 SIXTH EDITION. 
 
 LONDON : 
 
 PRINTED FOR WILLIAM HONE, 
 45, LUDGATE HILL. 
 
 1824. 
 
 One Slulling. 
 
,i. ..ml C- Ailtuul, I'liiileis, 
 L'aitlioloiiK-W Cluse. 
 
TO TEIE RL:ADER. 
 
 This wts advertised as a shilling pamphlet, and I 
 wish I could as easily have kept down the size as the 
 price. It has been written with painful feelings, at 
 sundry times, and under unfavourable circumstances. 
 But I may say, with one of our elder writers, that 
 " An innocent man needs no eloquence: his inno- 
 cence is instead of it ; else I had never come off 
 from these precipices whither men's malice hath 
 pursued me. It is true I have been accused, and 
 by great ones ; but it happened my accusers had 
 not thought of the accusation with themselves, and 
 so were driven, for want of crimes, to use invention, 
 which was found slander ; or, too late, being entered 
 so far, to seek starting-holes for their own rashness, 
 which were not given them. And then they may 
 think what accusation that was like to prove, when 
 they that were the engineers feared to be the authors. 
 Nor were they content to feign things against me, 
 but to urge things feigned by the ignorant ; which, 
 though, from their hired and mercenary impudence, 
 I might have passed by, yet I durst not leave myself 
 undefended, having a pair of ears unskilful to hear 
 lies, or have those things said of me, which I could 
 truly prove of them. Nay, they would offer to urge 
 mine own writings against me ; but by pieces, which 
 was an excellent way of malice, as if any mans 
 
context might not seem dangerous and offensive, if that 
 which was knit to what went before, might not seem 
 subject to calumny, which read entire would appear 
 most free." Jonson's words express my reasons, and 
 constitute my apology, for the matter and manner of 
 the tract. 
 
 A notion prevails with many that I am usually en- 
 gaged in preparing something or other for the press, 
 and few are persuadable to the contrary. 
 
 " Why am I ask'd what next shall see the light? 
 
 Heavens! was I born for nothing but to write ?" Pope. 
 
 I now declare publicly, what I have frequently affirmed 
 in private, that, with the exception of finishing one 
 work at my entire leisure, I withhold my pen from every 
 purpose but that of cataloguing books. I am induced 
 to activity by duty to my family ; and, perhaps, I am 
 qualified for the business of a Book Auctioneer in 
 particular, by the knowledge I possess of the nature 
 and value of literary property, obtained from long 
 experience in every department of the bookselling bu- 
 siness, and intimacy with books themselves. Intend- 
 ing to devote myself to that employment exclusively, 
 I have made arrangements, and fitted-up my present 
 premises accordingly. Few, I presume, will blame me 
 for not desiring to be a rocking-stone or a " rolling 
 stone." Those who countenance me in maintaining 
 my wishes and my children, may be assured of my 
 attention, and my lasting respect. The present de- 
 viation I deem necessary and final ; and, as a final 
 request, I entreat him who reads this page that he 
 will do me the favour to peruse the remainder. 
 
 45, LUDGATE-HlLL; 
 
 Vith February, 1824. 
 
ASPERSIONS ANSWERED. 
 
 It little concerns the world to be acquainted with my 
 private opinions, but I deem it necessary to notice the 
 imputations of irreligion that have been often urged 
 against me during- the last seven years ; and though, from 
 the silence 1 have hitherto preserved, I do not expect to 
 be accused of haste, yet I am only constrained to remark 
 publicly on the subject by the following- circular letter, 
 addressed to gentlemen of the legal profession. 
 
 " Sir, 
 
 " We take the liberty of transmitting to you the following statement, 
 which we lave already laid before several gentlemen at the bar. 
 
 "Mr. Hone is (as you are probably aware,) a barrister of ten years' 
 standing, who pursued his profession at first on the Midland Circuit, and 
 more lately in the Court of Chancery. For several years, he obtained by 
 this means sucli an income as was suflicientfor the support of his family 
 in comfort and independence. He is the brother of Mr.WiLLUM Hone, 
 the bookseller, who became known to the public by the parodies on the 
 Liturgy, for which he was prosecuted by the Attorney-general. As soon 
 as the relationship between Mr. Hone and the author of these publications 
 
 B 
 
6 
 
 became generally known, it produced the most calamitous cfTects upon 
 the professional prospects of the former. The disapprobation which had 
 been generally excited by the publication of the parodies was, by a natural 
 tliough a most unjust prejudice, transferred to the innocent brother of the 
 publisher. It was taken for granted that the two brothers held tlie same 
 religious and politiral opinions, and Mr. Hone was gradually deserted 
 bj ijis clients, until he found hiiiiscir depoiivcd of !iis whole |>rofi'Ssionul 
 in .lino, ill 11h !ii'j>oul (livcrtiu^ tliis pr^'jiidice against 1ms character, he 
 applied lo the Lord Chancellor, the Master of the Rolls, the Vice Chan- 
 cellor, and the twelve Judges, to subscribe to a book on Conveyancing, 
 which he proposed to publish, and he received from them the most kind 
 and condescending attention, with their permission to place their names 
 at the head of his list of subscribers. He obtained a similar permission 
 from the greater part of the gentlemen within the bar at the Court of 
 Chancery ; from some of the leaders of his own circuit, and many other 
 members of his profession. Distress and poverty, however, have pre- 
 vented the completion of this design. It is painful to state that Mr. 
 Hone and his wife and children have frequently been reduced to the 
 actual want of the common necessaries of life, and he has with difficulty 
 preserved a sufficiency of raiment to appear in the situation of a gentle- 
 man. 
 
 " All this weight of niisfortime has been as unmerited as distressing. 
 So far is Mr. Hone from adopting his brother's I'elig-ious or political opi- 
 nions, that he actually abandoned his society, after having repeatedly 
 made the most affectionate and earnest, though unavailing, protests against 
 his proceedings. They are the children of a religious and virtuous father, 
 to whose principles and maxims of conduct is to be ascribed the resigna- 
 tion and fortitude with which Mr. Hone has borne the heavy calamity 
 under which he has been suffering. 
 
 " An oppoi tunity has been found for enabling Mr. Hone to emigrate 
 to one of the colonies, with a fair prospect of maintaining himself and 
 family by his profession. 
 
 " The difficulty of his availing himself of this escape from want, consists 
 in his inability to purchase the necessary outfit for himself and family, 
 and to defray the expences of the voyage. On the most moderate esti- 
 mate, seven or eight hundred pounds will be required for this purpose. 
 In the hope of raising this sum, several gentlemen at the bar have opened 
 a subscription ; and Messrs. Hoares, in Fleet-street, will receive any 
 money which may be collected. If you should feel disposed to assist in 
 this object, you will perhaps have the goodness to contribute as expedi- 
 
tiously as possible, as it is of the utmost importance lliat Mr. Hone 
 should not lose the opportunity of sailing in tiie present autumn. 
 "We have the honour to be, 
 " Sir, 
 " Your most obedient humble Servants, 
 
 "John IIaithp.y, 
 "JamI'S Sriii'iiiiN, JuN. 
 "J. H. KoE. 
 *^ Lincoln's Inn; \%tk August, \^2'3" 
 
 This statement, lithographically printed without the 
 slightest knoAvledge on my part that it had been in con- 
 templation, was two days in circulation among the gentlemen 
 at the bar and on the rolls of the courts before I heard of 
 it from an utter stranger. My feelings on the occasion, a 
 brother only, and a brother only so circumstanced, can 
 imagine. I had long known of my brother's embarrass- 
 ments, but by this means I first obtained information of their 
 magnitude, and that such serious allegations regarding my- 
 self were extensively promulgated. 
 
 It is not my purpose to comment ; yet, as the circular 
 speaks of my brother's "protests against mi/ proceedings," 
 I must remark that these protests were no more than ob- 
 jections verbally urged to my political opinions and publi- 
 cations, except a single letter during the late queen's 
 trial, remonstrating against a pamphlet I wrote on that 
 subject which he saw advertised as ready to appear, and 
 acquainting me that if it did, our intercourse must cease. 
 His letter was certainly "earnest," and "affectionate;" and, 
 as certainly, a "protest" against my "proceeding," 
 Because I adopted that proceeding, which had been 
 several weeks in preparation, and for several weeks 
 publicly announced in the newspapers, " he actually 
 abandoned my society," and we never met in a room till 
 after the issue of the circular signed by Mr. Raithby, Mr. 
 Stephen, and Mr. Koe. 
 
8 
 
 The topic of that circular is to me a painful one, and I 
 would fain avoid it; but to my children and to my excellent 
 wife, who are dear to me as my life-blood — to the public — 
 to that portion of the public especially who having been ray 
 especial friends, yet know of me only through evil report and 
 good report, — to myself, with something of the self-respect 
 which every one entertains who is not an exception to our 
 common nature, and not to be excepted from civilized 
 society — to these, and more than these, I owe that I should 
 seem as 1 am, and not as I have been misconceived. 
 
 On Sunday, the Slst of August, the circular vvas inserted 
 in the John Bull, with recommendations of the purpose that 
 the gentlemen who signed it had in view, and with animad- 
 versions on myself by the editor of that newspaper, in the 
 course of which I am denominated an advocate of " blas- 
 phemy." The following remark was appended to the cir- 
 cular. "This measure is sanctioned by the Lord Chan- 
 cellor; — and THE Lord Chief Justice Abbott, Mr. 
 Justice Bayley, Mr. Justice Best, Mr. Attorney 
 General, &c. &c. have subscribed." The Sun^ evening 
 paper, copied the John Bull article verbatim, and it after- 
 wards appeared in certain country papers. On Sundaj^, 
 the 14th of September, the John Bull reverted to the 
 subject in the following statement. 
 
 "MR. HONE THE BARRISTER." 
 
 " Wc have received a communication from llic gentlemen who signed 
 the "circular" respecting the case of Mr. Hone, in which they request us 
 to stale, that we did not receive the " circular" which we published in our 
 last Number but one, cither from Mr. Hone himself, or from any of those 
 whose names are subscribed to it. 
 
 "It is most true we did not; and we are most ready to relieve Mr. Hone 
 from the suspicion that he did any act likely to attract public attention, 
 cither to his own circumstances, or the faults of a brotiicr, for whom, as 
 
9 
 
 onr presc'iit corrfispondcnls say, ' he cannot cease lo feci a deep afFcctioil 
 :>ii(l anxious interest.' 
 
 "Tlie letter was forwarded to iis by a person zealously anxious for 
 Mr. Hone's success, and we, witli the best intentions, (for which we arc 
 pleased to sec the gentlemen who iiavc since addressed us give us credit) 
 added our influence to its circulation. It is by no means unsatisfactory to 
 hear, from the same source, that ' the subscription has materially increased 
 in consequence of our publication ;' but our correspondent adds ' that 
 Mr. Hone, having suffered much in his health and spirits, was painfully 
 affected by seeing his name in a public newspaper, and feels still more dis- 
 tressed at being supposed accessary to the publication of a letter which 
 seems to make him the author of a public censure upon the conduct of so 
 near a relation. 
 
 " We are extremely sorry to have wounded Mr. Hone's feelings, or to 
 have given to the world that which it appears was intended exclusively 
 for the profession ; we most willingly here bear testimony to the fact, that 
 the letter was not sent to us by Mr. Hone, nor with his knowledge. We 
 must be allowed to add, however, that, considering the vast number of 
 gentlemen now engaged in the law, (supposing the letter originally to 
 have been written under the sanction of Mr. Hone,) the communication 
 of his sentiments and opinions upon his brother's public conduct to so largo 
 a body of persons seems to us to differ very little, at least in spirit, to a 
 general publication of them to the world at large." 
 
 One fact was certain from the circular, — the critical si- 
 tuation of my brother's affairs; another was equally certain, 
 that the letter itself was a strenuous effort by his friends 
 to relieve him ; and, under these circumstances, after calm 
 consideration it appeared to me that there was only one 
 point on which I ought to claim explanation. 
 
 From the time of my trials, it suited that portion of the 
 public press which advocates the political opinions espoused 
 by my brother, to connect my name with anti-Christian 
 writers and publishers. Now, if I had purposed serious 
 notice of daily calumnies, I should unhesitatingly have 
 referred to my brother, not doubting his power, or his 
 willingness, had the necessity been apparent, to have given 
 conclusive testimony in rebuttal of the charges of irre- 
 ligion. But the representation in the circular, that he did 
 
10 
 
 notadopt my " religious opinions," purported, to public ap- 
 prehension, that these were in fact the irreligious opinions 
 publicly imputed to me. It purported an antithesis, a con- 
 tradistinction; it was a clear line of separation, with Joseph 
 on the one side religious — William on the other irreligious; 
 and hence the representation in my brother's behalf became 
 presumptive proof against me of a previously-unattested 
 charge, which I should have confidently relied on disproving 
 by my brother himself. 
 
 That my brother, in consequence of his being my brother, 
 " was gradually deserted by his clients until he found him- 
 self deprived of his whole professional income," is an ex-parle 
 statement. I neither deny nor admit it. It is a point that 
 there is no necessity for us ever to moot: in private we 
 ought not, and in public we cannot. This is the matured 
 determination of my judgment upon that statement which 
 dropped a sudden and heavy blow upon my heart. It may 
 be information to some, that I have a heart. 
 
 Deciding thus, and confining myself to the religious 
 ground, I required explanation upon that alone. For ob- 
 vious reasons, arising from the best feelings towards my 
 brother, I did not seek it of the gentlemen who signed the 
 circular, but, at the beginning of September, addressed 
 myself to him, and his answer is subjoined verbatim. 
 
 "40, Chancery Lane; 
 23^ October, 1823. 
 "My Deak William, 
 
 '• You have called ray attention to the following pas- 
 sage ill the circular, which to my great regret has lately appeared in 
 some public newspapers, namely, " So far is Mr. Hone from adopting 
 his brother's religious or political opinions, that he actually abandoned 
 his society after having made the most afiFectionate and earnest, though 
 unavailing protests against his proceedings.' You consider that this 
 passage is open to the construction, tliat I abandoned your society in 
 consequence of iireligious opinions, or conduct on your part, during the 
 time we were associated : you ask me to explain that part of the circular' 
 
u 
 
 which I do the more readily on account of tlie anxiety you express con- 
 cerning it. 
 
 '' In our former familiar conversations, you have sometimes questioned 
 parts of tlic text of the Old and New Testament, and controverted cer- 
 tain doctrines ; this led to the differences which usually arise on discus- 
 sions between persons of opposite theological principles: however, I did 
 not understand you to reject Christianity, or to deny or impugn the 
 genuineness or authenticity of the Old or New Testament as a whole. 
 Since your Trials, numerous imputations of irrcligion have, as you are 
 aware, been publicly urged against you ; but, if it be inferred that, as 
 your brother, and from my private knowledge of your sentiments on 
 religious subjects, during our intercourse within that period, I knew 
 those imputations to be true, the inference is erroneous; yet your silence 
 under them for the last three years or more, induced me, in common with 
 many other persons, to conclude that you admitted the charge, and hence, 
 during the latter period, I have abstained from having any further inter- 
 course with you, although my brotherly regards were far, very far, from 
 being extinguished. 
 
 " 1 have thus made a short point of my explanation, instead of going 
 into the subject or minutiae- 
 
 " I would now add a few words to this, which is, probably, nearly the 
 last letter which I shall have occasion to write to you before I leave 
 England, preparing, as I am, to depart ere long for a very distant part 
 of the world ; I anticipate with, I assure you, the keenest sensations, 
 the moment when I shall have to say farewell to you for, at least, some 
 years: as future events are wisely kept from our knowledge, it may, 
 possibly, prove a iinal parting in reference to (his world ; and at such a 
 time it is my hearfs desire that we, who are the children of the same 
 parents, should take leave as brethren, each, as he hopes for forgiveness 
 from the Father of Mercies, frankly forgiving the other every wrong that 
 he may consider his brother to have done him in any way whatever. This 
 will afford peace of mind to both, and, though personally far apart, we 
 may yet remain one in heart and affection, and if preserved to meet 
 again in this life, which I earnestly pray may be the case, I trust that 
 each may learn tiiat the other has been walking in the path of rectitude, 
 and reaped the full reward of honourable conduct. The immense distance 
 at which, in a few months, we shall be placed from each other, will pre- 
 vent either of us from practically ministering to the necessities, if any, 
 mental or pecuniary, of tiic other; nevertheless, one thing may be done, 
 — we may entreat him who has been our Protector from our infancy to 
 
12 
 
 nianliuod, to further ns with his continual iielp, aiul thna he nssuroil uf 
 wcathciiiig every storm. 
 
 •'Before I close my letter, 1 would remark, that it lias hitherto been 
 my most studious endeavour to avoid every thing that might have the 
 semblance of an attack upon your character or reputation, and I much 
 regret that the diction of llie circular sliould be liable to have such a 
 construction upon it, or be considered in that light by yourself or your 
 friends, as I can truly affirm that it was never so intended. Of course 1 
 have had my own opinion of the nature and tendency of your public 
 acts, nor have I concealed that opinion at such times as it became 
 necessary for me to avow it, though even then I did not forget our near 
 relationship, nor could it possibly have escaped attention, that, on these 
 occasions a brother's feelings were creating a painful conflict in my 
 mind. 
 
 " Numerous arrangements for my departure have unavoidably prevented 
 me from writing to you ere this ; and, in conclusion, I would express 
 a hope, that nothing I have said will be deemed by you as recrimina- 
 tion: that is far from my intention. Neither have I ventured to offer 
 any thing in the shape of advice, as it might be deemed surplusage and 
 obtrusive : you know my heart and views, and I think that I know 
 your's ; — each may therefore conclude what would be the counsel of the 
 other ; and, if there be a reciprocal determination to continue to act witli 
 truth and integrity, we and our families must ultimately be benefited, 
 and our happiness and their's will be promoted and secured. 
 "Believe me, 
 
 ** My dear William, 
 
 " Your ever affectionate Brother, 
 
 "Joseph Hone." 
 
 Religion is a subject on which, more than on any other, 
 the best men differ verbally, and agree practically. My 
 brother had never fallen in with the gross imputations of 
 irreligion urged against me, after our intercourse ceased 
 in July 1820, if a little Biblical inquiry had enabled him 
 fully to comprehend the objects and limits of mine, when I 
 incidentally alluded to topics connected with it during our 
 previous intimacy. Nor, if he had studied my character, 
 could he have been induced to conclude that my silence 
 
i3 
 
 imported admission of the imput-ations. Separated in boy- 
 hood, our intercourse throughout life has only been 
 occasional, and seldom lasting for more than a few months, 
 after lapses of years. Varying- in temper, opinion, and con- 
 struction of mind, there are few points of contact between 
 us. He has seen me " bear the proud man's contumely, 
 the insult of rude ignorance, the sarcasm of malice, the 
 hired censure of the sycophantic critic, whose preferment 
 depends on the prostitution both of knowledge and con- 
 science, and the virulence of the venal newspaper* ;" he 
 mistook my patience for weakness, and my forbearance 
 for inanity. 
 
 In our recent conversations I gather that a main reason 
 for his supposing, as he affirms in his explanatory letter, that 
 I admitted the charge of irreligion was, that I had not 
 answered an article on the Apocri/phal New Testament, in 
 the Quarterly Review for October 1821. Certainly I had 
 contemplated, and as I have recently stated, had commen- 
 ced an answer ; " when, abridgment of my leisure, but 
 above all, the subsidence of my resentment into profound 
 contempt for the flagitious frauds of the reverend reviewer, 
 and a conviction that those who were qualified to judge 
 of his article would see its mendacity, determined me not to 
 engage in polemics."+ I underrated that article, by assuming 
 thatit would not be overrated; and I now do somewhat, not 
 as a stepping-stone to controversy, for which I have un- 
 conquerable dislike, but to convince unprejudiced minds 
 that the Quarterly reviewer is indebted to my silence for 
 the success of his labors. 
 
 As I purpose not to write another word on any topic 
 Connected with this pamphlet, it becomes me to state, that 
 
 ''* Dr. Vicesimus Knox, Spirit of Despotism, Pref. p. xi. 
 
 t Ancient Mysteries described. Pref. p. iii. 
 
 c 
 
14 
 
 though the publicity given by the circular to the difference 
 between my brother and myself was to me a source of 
 sorrow and misery, my brotherly affection was undiminished, 
 and is unextinguishable. The period approaches for his 
 proceeding to a distant colony, and we shall part, not 
 merely in semblance, but in reality, as brethren. We, and 
 our families, mutually participate in deep regret at a dis- 
 junction that, as regards this world, may be for ever; and 
 our best feelings and most ardent affections go forth for each 
 other's happiness and prosperity. 
 
 My sole aim in the remaining pages is "A Refutation of 
 the Quarterly Review of the Apocryphal New Testa- 
 ment," and they will contain a few remarks upon the 
 strictures of the Rev. Dr. Butler, Archdeacon of Derby, 
 and the Rev. Thomas Rennell, Rector of Kensington. 
 
 I am informed that the readers of the article in the 
 Quarterly Review, consider it an attack that admits of no 
 defence. The reviewer advances in apparently great 
 strength, takes up his positions in a regular way, places 
 the canon in front very orderly, and persons of little 
 inquiry deem it impossible that I can resist such a force. 
 But it is not force : had they reconnoitred, they would 
 have found it trick. If they will follow me beyond his 
 lines — and hitherto they have not taken the trouble to go 
 further — they will see that he is a mere showman throwing 
 shadows, which not being examined pass for realities. 1 
 pledge myself to prove that every — not the greater part of 
 the charges, but that etieri/ charge urged against me by the 
 reviewer is a wilful falsehood ; and tliat every statement in 
 support of each charge is a deliberately-manufactured 
 fraud. I shall take them in the order most convenient to 
 myself, but I shall take them all.* 
 
 * The whole of the reviewer's charges are aiiswerctl in the following 
 pages, or in the notes below them. 
 
15 
 
 The Quarterly reviewer is one of that stamp whose 
 motto is "We murder to dissect," and who first slay the 
 author in order to cut up his book with impunity. Pur- 
 suing- this convenient process, the reviewer, in his first 
 paragraph, calls me " a wretch, as contemptible as he is 
 wicked:" he informs his readers that I am " a poor illite- 
 rate creature, far too ignorant to have any share in the 
 composition" of the work ; and, in the final words of the 
 same paragraph, he denominates it a "nefarious publica- 
 tion." In this way he sets out to do " the state some 
 service."* 
 
 Speaking of me as the editor of the Apocryphal New 
 Testament, the reviewer says: "In pagevi. of his preface, 
 (and afterwards in the work itself,) he affords ample proof 
 of his ignorance of even the commonest matters, by the 
 triumph with which he announces to his readers his fancied 
 discoveries that the Apostles' Creed was not written by the 
 Apostles ! and that it did not originally contain the article 
 of Christ's descent into hell !" The reviewer puts two notes 
 of admiration to indicate astonishment ftt my twofold igno- 
 rance. Buthe wasnotastonished; hecouldnotbe astonished; 
 for neither " in p. vi. of the preface," nor " afterwards in the 
 work itself," have I " fancied" that the facts as to the creed 
 and the descent were my "discoveries;" nor have I expressed 
 a syllable of " triumph," or feeling, from which previous 
 *' ignorance" of those facts could be inferred. In short, I 
 have not made a single observation upon them of any kind 
 
 * " Illiterate crcatuic," as tlic reviewer describes me, I am in what he 
 would call good company. " The illiterature of the Grand Monarque, 
 Louis XIV. went so far, that, to tlie last, be could hardly write his 
 name. He formed it out of six strait strokes, and a lino of beauty, 
 which first stood tlius — I I I I I I S : these he afterwards perfected, as 
 well as he was able, and the result was— LOUIS." This autographic 
 ftict is in Pcgge''s Anecdotes, 8vo, 1803, p. 48. 
 
16. 
 
 whatever. His notes of admiration are strokes of false- 
 hood. 
 
 Again : the reviewer charges me with "disingenuousness," 
 because I have said in a note to my preface, " For large 
 particularsof Christ's descent into hell see the gospel of 
 Nicodemus, chap. xiii. to xx.'' He remarks, that, as in 
 that gospel " hell" is represented as the place of torments, 
 I assuredly "knew that this was not the sense in which the 
 word is used in the creed." Here the " disingenuousness" 
 is not in me, but in him. My reference to the apocri/phal 
 gospel was for apoayphal particulars. The reference, w hich 
 stands in a note on a wholly different subject, occupying the 
 whole of five pages of the preface, has nothing to do with 
 the sense of the creed, regarding the descent, one way or 
 the other. The reviewer's misconstruction of it is a jug- 
 gling and violent perversion of its obvious meaning.* 
 
 The commencement of my introduction to the Gospel 
 of Mary ^ in the Apocryphal New Testament, being selected 
 by the Reviewer for his most violent attack, 1 subjoin it. 
 
 * " Hell, as a place of torments, was not the sense in which the word is 
 used in the Creed." So says the reviewer, who I decline to take as autho- 
 rity upon tliat or any otlier point. The Church of England would be an 
 authority, if, as a Church, siie had declared the sense in which the word 
 is to be taken; however she has not, and therefore she is no authority. It 
 is true that *' iiell, as a place of torments," is now usually disclaimed by 
 Church of England expositors on the Creed : but what was the sense in 
 which it was taken by those who drew up the forty-two Articles of the 
 Church of England ? or by those who reduced the forty-two to thirty-nine 
 Articles, and cut off a part of the old Article on the Descent into Hell ? 
 Has not hell, as it stands in the Creed, been taken as a place of torments 
 by protestant prelates and clergy of tiie Church of England since that 
 time? Finally, in what sense is the word taken at this very hour by those 
 persons who repeat the Creed, and who never hear or conceive of hell 
 than as a place of torment ? In Ancient Mysteries Described, § v. I have 
 cited several old instances of this belief, and described engravings that 
 illustrate it. 
 
17 
 
 " Ti^E Gospel of the Birth of Marv. 
 
 "In the |>iiniitivc nges llicrc was a Gospel extant Ijcaiiiig this name, 
 attributed to St. Mattlicvv, and received as genuine and autlicntic by 
 several of the ancient Christian sects. It is to be found in the works of 
 Jerome, a fatlier of tlie Ciiurch who flourished in the fourth century, 
 from whence the present translation is made. His contemporaries, 
 Epiphanius, Bisliop of Salamis, and Austin, also mention a Gospel 
 under this title. Tiie ancient copies diflfercd from Jerome's, for, from 
 one of them, the learned Faustus, a native of Britain, who became 
 Bishop of Riez, in Provence, endeavoured to prove that Christ was 
 not the Son of God till after his baptism ; and that he was not of the 
 house of David, and tribe of Judab, because, according to the Gospel 
 he cited, the virgin herself was not of this tribe, but of the tribe of 
 Levi; her father being a priest of the name of Joachim. Epiphanius 
 likewise cites a passage concerning tlie death of Zacharias, whicli is 
 not in Jerome's copy." 
 
 It is essentially necessary that each part of this introduc- 
 tion should be remembered, because upon its statements the 
 reviewer grounds his heaviest charge ; and I entreat the 
 reader to observe particularly that the introduction merely 
 shows that Epiphanius and Austin mention the Gospel of 
 Mary ; that Epiphanius quotes a passage from it ; that 
 Faustus deduces a doctrine from it ; that neither the fact 
 nor the doctrine is derivable from Jerome's copy; and that, 
 therefore, " the ancient copies diifered from Jerome's." 
 
 It is obvious that my introduction is so drawn as to leave 
 its reader in doubt ; and, on that very account, a candid 
 antagonist would incline to respect, and disdain to misre- 
 present me. Not, however, to anticipate, the reviewer's 
 charge shall be set forth in his own words. He says : — 
 
 "To each of the assertions, namely, that the Gospel which the Editor 
 presents to his readers was received by several ancient sects— that it is to 
 be found in St. Jerome, and tliat it is quoted by Epiphanius and. 
 Austin, we now proceed to give a direct denial, accompanied by proofi 
 that the Editor was aware of the falsehood of them all !" 
 
 This, with his covetous note of admiration, reads well ; 
 it is easy and bold, and has an air of sincerity mightily 
 
18 
 
 imposing. Permit me to introduce him more particularly. 
 He maintains his spirit in the following amplification. 
 
 "First, theiijWC assert lliat the Gospel before us was not received by any 
 of the ancient Christian sects. Here, as in many other cases, tlie original 
 spurious Gospel has disappeared, and the present is a miserable forgery 
 of a later age, which has taken its place and name. Of this, the editor 
 could not possibly be ignorant, as the fact is positively stated even in the 
 title to that very chapter of Jones's work* from which he has taken and 
 perverted the facts in his Preface. Jones there asserts that * the present 
 Gospel is dino,rent from the old one,' and in proof brings forward two 
 fragments of the original Gospel preserved by Epiphanius and Austin, 
 the first of which does not occur in the present work, and the other 
 directly contradicts one ofits most remarkable statements. 
 
 •' Svcondly, we assert that this Gospel is not contained in the works 
 of Jerome, and that when the Editor maintained the contrary, he was 
 fully aware of the falsehood of his statement. In the printed editions, 
 indeed, of Jerome's works, from the carelessness or the scrupulousness of 
 ]iis editors, there have been inserted three letters, one purporting to be 
 addressed by two Bishops, Chromatius and Hcliodorus, to Jerome, 
 requesting him to undertake a translation of this Gospel ; the otiicrs, pre- 
 tending to be his answers, accompanied by the required translation. No 
 one, we should imagine, could read these letters, and observe the palpa> 
 Lie contradictions which they contain, the excessive folly of their argu- 
 ments, and the barbarisms of the style in which they are written, without 
 at once pronouncing them clumsy and senseless forgeries. If the editor, 
 however, should profess his inability to detect the imposture, it would 
 certainly be inconsistent with the rules of fair argument to limit an adver- 
 sary's talent for misapprehension, in order to convict him of dishonesty. 
 We must, therefore, admit his plea; but the admission will avail him 
 nothing, for the fact is stated for him in the most decided and intelligible 
 manner. Fabricius calls this Gospel ' Evangelium de Nativitate S. Maria3 
 jactatura olim sub fahis nominibus Scriptoris S. Matthaei et interprctis S. 
 Hieronymi,' and without hesitation calls the letters to which we have al- 
 luded the works of Pseudo-Chromatius, Pseudo-Heliodorus, and Pseudo- 
 Jerome. Dupin says, that these Epistles are certainly spurious; and in 
 this declaration all the learned men whose opinions Fabricius subjoins to 
 
 * "Jones's Work" will be often referred to in the ensuing pages ; it 
 is entitled "A New and full Method of settling the Canonical Authority 
 of the New Testament. By the Rev. Jeremiah Jones. Oxford, 1798.'* 
 3 vols. 8vo. 
 
19 
 
 iiis own, Pclaviiis, Vossins, Cave, and many others, wholly coincide. 
 Casaubon, indeed, says, that Ihcrc is not a single sentence in the Latin 
 Gospel whifih does not arjjue the tolly of those who are unable lo distin- 
 guish between its * dirty puddle' and Jerome's golden stream. Last of all, 
 Jones himself, whose book was never out of the Editor's hands, subscribes 
 to the expressions of these eminent writers. We conclude, therefore, as 
 we began, with affirming that he could not possibly be ignorant of the 
 falsehood of the assertion which he has deliberately made." 
 
 According- to this ingenious reticulation of taunt and 
 objection, it appears that the Gospel of Mary was not 
 translated by Jerome ; that the letters of the two bishops to 
 Jerome, and his answers, are forgeries ; and that " the fact 
 is stated for me in the most decided and intelligible manner 
 by Fabricius." Stated for me! why, in a few lines after- 
 wards, he writes that Jones's book was never out of my 
 hands, and that I had not consulted one original source of 
 information. Really such reviewers as mine should have 
 good memories. Fabricius stated the fact for me ! Not 
 upon the reviewer's showing, but upon my oun declara- 
 tion, I hope it will be believed that I had not read that 
 author : Fabricius is in Latin, and I am not ashamed to 
 own that I cannot read him. If the reviewer exult 
 upon this declaration, it will be the unsanctified triumph 
 of malignity over misfortune : for a great misfortune it 
 was in my childhood, a terrible misfortune, which, during- 
 many years of manhood, I have not ceased to deplore, 
 without power to remedy, that scholastic education was 
 closed against me by the straitened circumstances of 
 my honest and excellent parents. Not for me, then, 
 has Fabricius declared his opinion that these letters 
 are spurious. But, suppose 1 had read Fabricius; was I 
 bound to attach implicit credit to his opinion because 
 " Petavius, Vossius, Cave, and many others, wholly co- 
 incide" with him ? Yes, says the Reviewer, "Jones himself, 
 whose book was never out of the Editor's hands, subscribes 
 lo the expressions of these eminent writers." It is impos- 
 
20 
 
 sible to describe my contempt for the writer of this daring 
 falsehood. Jones does not subscribe to their expres- 
 sions. Jones says, " perhaps those Epistles may be suppo- 
 sititious ;" but, for the opinion that they are, he instantly 
 declares, *' I am not able yet to see that clear evidence 
 which the writers last mentioned pretend."* Is this sub- 
 scribing to their expressions ? If Fabricius's rejection of 
 the present Gospel of Mary, and the correspondence be- 
 tween Jerome and the bishops, was not stated for me, it 
 must be recollected that it w as stated for Jones ; that 
 Jones does not acquiesce in Fabricius's determination ; and 
 that Jones does not deny that the "dirty puddle" of the Latin 
 Gospel might have flowed from the " golden stream" of the 
 Latin father. They who are acquainted with Jones's book, 
 know his unsparing hate to imposture ; and that, if conscien- 
 tiously he could, he gladly would have called the Epistles 
 and the Gospel gross forgeries. He must have had good rea- 
 son for not subscribing to the opinions of those who did call 
 them so, and for expressing his dissent in words so marked 
 and unequivocal, that the reviewer could not mistake it for 
 subscription ; but, subscription suiting the reviewer's pur- 
 pose better than dissent, he preferred the fraud to the 
 truth. 
 
 '* The original spurious Gospel has disappeared, and 
 the present is a miserable forgery of a later age, zohich has 
 taken its place.''^ Is it ? In what page of Jones's volumes 
 is this stated ? for I beg to repeat that Jones was my only 
 authority. My Introduction affirms, in Jones's own words, 
 that *' the ancient copies differed from Jerome's." But 
 this, it seems, was not enough ; for my accuser says it is 
 " a careless expression of Jones, of which I have cautiously 
 avoided Jones's explanation." Avoided Jones's explana- 
 tion ! The Reviewer know s that Jones gives no explana- 
 
 * Jones on tbe Canon, vol. ii. p. 143. 
 
21 
 
 tion ; he knows that all that Jones does is to show that the 
 ancient copies did differ from Jerome's ; he knows that I do 
 the very'same; and the reader himself sees it. I give it with 
 only this difference, that what Jones spreads over several 
 pages, I abbreviate in as many lines. Jones, so far from 
 using such a bold unmistakable expression as that " the 
 original spurious Gospel has disappeared," says, not 
 " carelessly," but carefully, " the ancient copies differed 
 from Jerome's." Differed from Jerome's what ? Why from 
 Jerome's copy. Jones, after inserting the Gospel, care- 
 fully observes, " The book of the Nativity of Mary suffered 
 many alterations, and the ancient copies of it were very 
 different from the present copy, which I have above pub- 
 lished, out of Jerome's works."* Jones is a decided writer; 
 he never minces on opinion or an expression, and, had 
 he thought the Gospel of Mary in Jerome's works a forgery, 
 he would have used the very word. My adherence to what 
 I conceived was his sense, is so faithful that I express it in 
 his own words; and my conception of that sense is corrobo- 
 rated by Dr. Lardner, who, , speaking of this Gospel, says, 
 " our present copies are very much altered from the ancient 
 ones."+ 
 
 '' We assert that this Gospel is not contained in the 
 works of Jerome^ and that when the Editor maintained the 
 contrary^ he was fully aware of the falsehood of his stater 
 mentJ'' This is the Reviewer's assertion. LiCt it be observed 
 that I "maintained" nothing: I merely said that the Gospel 
 was " in the works of Jerome ;" I did not even say that 
 Jerome translated it, or that he was applied to by two 
 bishops for that purpose. Referring to Jeremiah Jones, 
 let us see what he asserts. He divides his work on the 
 Canon into parts; the first two parts treat of lost Apocry- 
 
 * Jones, vol. ii. p. 131. t Lardncr's Works, 41o. vol. iv. p. 631. 
 
 D 
 
22 
 
 phal Books, and the third part o{ extant Apocryphal Books. 
 In the first part he confines himself to " a complete enu- 
 meration of all the lost Apocryphal Books of the New 
 Testament ;" and by way of preliminary, he gives " A 
 Catalogue of Books not extant now, formerly published 
 under the names of our Saviour, his Apostles, their Com- 
 panions, &c."* At the end of the catalogue, he says, 
 " These are all the Apocryphal Books not extant, which I 
 have been able to find any mention of in the writings of the 
 four first centuries after our Saviour. I proposed, 
 indeed, to have annexed here the catalogue of the 
 books still extant in like manner as the not extant ; but 
 this catalogue will be so necessary in the third 'part 
 of this work, that I shall defer the producing it in 
 full, or at large, till then." Jones does not insert the 
 Gospel of Mary in this Catalogue of Books not extant. 
 In the second part, wholly confining himself to ^' a par- 
 ticular and critical inquiry into each of the lost Apocry- 
 phal Books," he makes not the least inquiry concerning 
 the Gospel of Mary; but, pn the contrary, most care- 
 fully assigns as a reason for not doing it, that " the 
 Protevangelion of James, and the Gospel of the Birth of 
 Man/, are two Apocryphal Books now extant, and will be 
 produced in the //«Vc? part."+ Accordingly, in the third 
 part, which enumerates and considers none but extant 
 Apocryphal Boolis of the first four centuries, he inserts the 
 Gospel of Mary in Latin, w ith a translation into English. 
 He entitles it, " The Gospel of the Birth of Mar 7/, published 
 out of Jerome's icorks -"X and then, by way of introduc- 
 tion, states the following reasons for publishing this 
 Gospel — 
 
 "1. Because there was certainly a Gospel extant under 
 this name in the primitive ages of Christ ianifj/. 
 
 * Jones, vol. i. p. 29. f Il>id. p. 4Gi. % Ibid. vol. ii. p. 77. 
 
23 
 
 " 2. Because it was received by seteral of the ancient 
 Christian her clicks. 
 
 " 3. Because it passed formerly under the name of St. 
 Matthew, 
 
 " 4. Because many of its relations were credited by the 
 ancient Catholick Christians in different countries. 
 
 " 5. Because it contains the same things us the Prote- 
 vangelion of St. James. 
 
 " The ONLY place of the ancient writings in which it is 
 EXTANT is among Jerome's Works (Epist. ad 
 Chromatium et Heliodorum.) The occasion of its being 
 found there was the desire of Chromatius and Helio- 
 dorus, two Bishops, io Jerome, that he would translate 
 it out of Hebrew, and give them his judgment upon 
 it. Their Letter to hitn, with his Answer to them, 
 and another Letter of his concerning this Gospel, I 
 have published after this Gospel." 
 
 On Jones's reasons for inserting this Gospel being com- 
 pared with my Introduction to the Gospel, it will be seen 
 how very cautiously I kept to his language ; and that he 
 alone is my authority for asserting that the Gospel of Mary 
 is to be found in the works of Jerome.* The opinion that 
 it is foisted into Jerome's works, it is evident that Jones 
 declines; and it is equally evident that the reviewer, with 
 that fact before his eyes, deliberately fabricated the con- 
 
 * '• Saynt Jiierorae rehercetli in his prologue, wiian lie was a cliyldc he 
 had a lytell boke of thystory of the iiatyuite of the virgyii Maryc, but, 
 as he remembered a long tyme after, ho translated it by the prayer of 
 some persones." — Golden Legend. . 
 
 "There are, who hunt out antiquated lore: 
 And never but on musty authors pore." 
 
 Mr. Gifford's Persius, Sat. i. vcr. 138. 
 The extract from the Golden Legend is for amusement, not authority, 
 
21 
 
 traiy, for the purpose of assciting that the Gospel is not 
 contained in the works of Jerome, and that when 1 stated 
 it was, I was fully aware of the falsehood of the state- 
 ment. 
 
 It being proved that Jones does not assent to the notion 
 that the Epistles of the two Bishops and Jerome are forge- 
 ries, and that he inserts the Gospel of Mary " out of Je- 
 rome's works" as a book of the first four centuries still 
 extant, he must have had strong reasons for not falling in 
 with the opinions of Fabricius and other critics. I presume 
 that he may have derived his reasons from Jerome himself. 
 " Never," observes Beausobre, "did Constantino VI. 
 whom the miserable monks scandalized with the contempt- 
 ible name of Copronymus, discover more wisdom and pru- 
 dence than when he forbad the title saint to be given to any 
 except the apostles." In the spirit of these " miserable 
 monks," the reverend reviewer dignifies his favorite father 
 by the appellation of " St. Jerome." It was of better men 
 than the reviewer that Beausobre says, " What provokes 
 beyond all patience, is to see that, in order to defend 
 opinions evidently false, a sentence is quoted from an 
 ancient writer, and puffed off with the title of a 
 saint, and a great saint. People on hearing this superb 
 title are seduced into an imagination that they hear 
 an oracle, and sincerely believe that justness of thought, 
 accuracy of expression, solidity of reasoning, and demon- 
 strative evidence, are necessarily connected with saintship 
 and great saintship; they even fancy that such men were 
 under the immediate influence of the Holy Spirit. 
 Such as these pretend to shackle what is most at liberty in 
 us — reason and faith ; and this, under pretence of a religious 
 reverence for the fathers, while the true design is to main- 
 tain the credit of errors and manifest abuses, and to domi- 
 neer over the consciences of mankind."* The reviewer's 
 
 * Beausobre Hist. duManiclicism. Sec Robinson's Eccles. Res. p. 184. 
 
25 
 
 " St. Jerome" was the foster-father of the Apocryphal Gos- 
 pel of the Nazarencs. Jerome's own account of the affair 
 is, that Matthew was the first who composed a Gospel of 
 Christ in the Hebrew language ; that this Hebrew Gospel 
 was preserved in the library of Cesseria ; that the Naza- 
 reans of BersEa in Syria, made use of it ; that they granted 
 him the favor of writing it out; that he translated it into 
 Greek ; and that he also translated it into Latin. Jerome 
 calls it " tile Gospel which the Nazarenes and Ebionites 
 use, which I lately translated out of Hebrew into Greek, 
 and is by most esteemed the authentic Gospel of Matthew."* 
 He elsewhere speaks of it as the Gospel " which I have 
 lately translated into Greek and Latin, and which Origen 
 often used.t" Jones says that there is not the least intima- 
 tion of any version having been made of it till Jerome 
 made his translations, which, as well as the original 
 Hebrew Gospel, are lost. Beda, who wrote in the seven- 
 teenth century, observes of this Gospel of the Nazarenes, 
 that it "is not to be esteemed among the Apocryphal (or 
 spurious) but Ecclesiastical Histories, because Jerome 
 himself, who translated the sacred Scripture, has taken 
 many testimonies out of it, and translated it into Greek and 
 Latin. :|;" After all this, Jones says, that Jerome affirms 
 of this Gospel, that it was the same as the Gospel according 
 to the Twelve Apostles, which Jerome " expressly rejects 
 as Apocryphal ! as a book of the heretics ! as written by 
 men destitute of the spirit and grace of God ! without a 
 due regard to truth !"§ 
 
 The Gospel of the Nazarenes is variously estimated; 
 but Jones calls it a spurious and infamous forgery. The 
 clearest account and largest quotations from it now extant, 
 are to be found in Jerome's works ; and from these, which are 
 
 * Jones i. {). 280. t Ibid. p. 27G. 
 
 t Jones on the Caiioii; vol. i. p. 283. § Ibid, p. 299, 
 
26 
 
 translated by Jones, I select one as a specimen. Jerome 
 says, "Whoever reads the Book o^ Canticles, iind Mill under- 
 stand by the spouse of the soul the Word of God (Christ), 
 and will believe the Gospel which is intitled, The Gospel 
 according to the Jlehrexcs, which I lately translated, in 
 which our Saviour is introduced, saying, 'Just now my 
 mother, the Holy Ghost, laid hold on me by one of my 
 hairs,' will not scruple to say, the Word of God was born of 
 the Spirit, and the soul, which is the spouse of the Word, 
 has the Holy Ghost for its mother in law." By Jones's ci- 
 tations, it appears that this Gospel contained ludicrous and 
 fabulous things ; such as that when Christ bade the rich 
 man sell all, and give to the poor, " The rich man here- 
 upon began to scratch his head :" it represents Christ as 
 unwilling to be baptized by John ; as intim.ating that he 
 was not baptized at all ; and questioning whether he was 
 not a sinner : it makes Christ say, " The Holy Ghost my 
 mother lately took me by one of my hairs, and led me to 
 the great mountain Thabor ;" and this part Jerome refers 
 to, in his illustration of the Canticles just quoted. 
 
 To Jerome, therefore, the Greek and Latin Christians 
 were indebted for their acquaintance with the Apocryphal 
 Gospel of the Nazarenes, which had been concealed from 
 their view by the Hebrew language till he unlocked the 
 "gate" to gratify their curiosity. If Jerome could trans- 
 late "a book of the heretics! written by men destitute of 
 the spirit and grace of God ! without a due regard to truth !" 
 was he disqualified for translating the Apocryphal Gospel 
 of Mary? and if the ancient copies of the Gospel of 
 Mary differed from Jerome's, may we not be indebted to 
 Jerome for that difference? Baillet says, " It is agreed that 
 St. Jerome may be the greatest saint of all translators, but 
 that he is not the most exact: he hath taken liberties which 
 the laws of translation will not admit."* He translated, and 
 
 * Jortin's Remarks, vol. ii. p. 149. 
 
27 
 
 did every thing at full speed. He says that he allotted him- 
 self but three days for translating the three books of 
 Proverbs, Ecclesiastes, and Solomon's Song. This is his 
 own incredible affirmation ;* and he was obliged to confess, 
 that, in translating Origen, when he found any thing not 
 consonant to the common judgment and opinions of his 
 time, and which might give offence to the '' simple people," 
 he omitted it. Daille says, that it was his constant prac- 
 tice to suppress what he pleased in his translations. t 
 Was such a man unlikely to have omitted passages from 
 the Gospel of Mary, and otherwise accommodate it to 
 " simple people ?"' 
 
 I think it probable that the " dirty puddle" of trans- 
 lation in the Gospel of Mary, which the revievs^er says could 
 not have proceeded from Jerome's " golden stream,'' 
 really was an oozing from that " golden stream," and 
 purposely bewrayed by Jerome himself. He was a great 
 dissembler ; and believing- that others dissembled like 
 himself, he says that the apostle Paul counterfeited igno- 
 rance to the Galatians, because he knew they were a dull 
 heavy people. A father who could so affirm of an apostle 
 could readily adopt the same conduct, and aifect low and 
 mean language to serve a turn. He affirms, too, that the 
 quarrel between Peter and Paul was only feigned ; that 
 they understood each other very well, and only pretended 
 to have a difference.:]: Who does not so see that the saint's 
 mind was fraudulent ? Dean Milner says, that learned as 
 Jerome undoubtedly was, he was still more distinguished 
 for vain glory than for learning; that he seems to have 
 known too little of that sincere love of truth which is con- 
 nected with humility; that his knowledge of theology was 
 
 • Daille's Right Use, part ii. p. 44. 
 
 t Ibid, part i. p. 40. 
 
 I D« Pin's Eccl. Hist. (Dublin,) vol. i. p. 352. 
 
28 
 
 contracted and low ; that the reputation of his knowledge 
 and abilities has been much overrated ; that he contributed 
 in a greater degree than any other writer of antiquity to 
 the growth of superstition ; and that his learned ignorance 
 availed more than any other cause to darken the light of 
 the gospel.* Whatever were Jerome's virtues, he was 
 ambitious and wily, of irascible and violent temper, cre- 
 dulous of error, weak in principle, rancorous in resentment, 
 and so dishonest in controversy, that he would argue any 
 way. At one time he stoutly contended against the apos- 
 tolical succession of bishops ; but afterwards getting em- 
 broiled with the bishop of Jerusalem, he then contended 
 as strongly for it.t Whether right or wrong he fought 
 for victory, and rejected no means, however illicit, to 
 ensure it. Employing his eloquence to restrain all females 
 to a state of perpetual virginity, his '• golden stream" 
 would have washed away the marriage ceremony, and the 
 whole human race might have perished in the deluge. 
 Jerome was a miracle-monger, a bigot, and a persecutor ; 
 and Jones being well acquainted with his failings and 
 labors, w as therefore very likely to think that he did trans- 
 late the apocryphal Gospel of Mary ; that the correspon- 
 dence between him and the two bishops was genuine; and 
 that these Epistles and the Gospel itself were properly 
 inserted amongst his works. At any rate, Jones does not 
 subscribe to the opinions of preceding critics, who presumed 
 the correspondence spurious ; nor does he say that the 
 apocryphal Gospel of Mary is a forgery of the gospel 
 under that name 3 but he affirms that " the only 'place of 
 the ANCIENT writings in which it is extant is among Je- 
 rome's Works :" he calls it " Jerome's translation;" 
 
 * Nelson's Fasts, Art. Ember-days. 
 
 t Milncr's Cliurch History, 8vo. 1812, vol. ii. p. 470, ot seq. 
 
29 
 
 and he inserts It, Avith his own English translation, "among 
 other such pieces now extant.''' It is clear that the reviewer 
 palters with the Gospel of Mary in a double sense ; that 
 he perverts Jones's expressions ; and that he fabricates 
 Jones to have said what he never did say. His assertion 
 that ^* this gospel is not contained in the works of Jerome, 
 and that when I asserted it waS;, I was fully aware of the 
 falsehood of the statement," is a foul malversation ; and 
 the most scrupulous mind must be convinced of the wilful 
 falsehood of the charge by which he seeks to dishonour 
 me.* 
 
 * However little tlio reviewer may he suspected of veracity, he assumes 
 a particular veneration for that essential virtue, and thinks me a "dis- 
 creditable'" person, because I suppressed "the number and names of the 
 * several ancient Cliristian sects'' who I affirm received the Gospel of Mary." 
 He says, " On examination it will be found that they dwindle down to 
 two — the Gnostics and Manicheansl" This note of self-admiration at the 
 end might have been spared. He actually docs not know that Moshcini 
 ( Eccles. Hist. vol. i. p. 134, 139,) endeavours to account for the " diver- 
 sity of sects" among the Gnostics. There were upwards of fifty different 
 sects of Gnostics. How miserably as a reviewer, how scandalously 
 as a divine, this critical character lacks ijiforraation that in eilLcr capa- 
 city should be at his fingers' ends. 
 
 The reviewer is vreicome to all he can gain by having detected an 
 error I fell into concerning Faustus. On transcribing that name from 
 Jones's work, I looked info the edition before the last of Watkins's 
 very useful Biographical Dictionary, and finding that " Faustus, a 
 learned prelate of tlie fifth century, was a native of Britain, and in 455 
 became BisJiop of Riez, in Provence," Sec. I wrote of the Gospel of 
 Mary that " the ancient copies diflered from Jerome's, for from one of 
 them ttie learned Faustus, a native vf Britain, who became BisJiop of 
 Riez ill Provence, endeavoured to prove," &c. This was a mistake; 
 and the reviewer gravely inquires, " Is there a single reader o^ divinity 
 so utterly ignorant of the commonest facts, as not to be aware that 
 Faustus was an African, a teacher of tlieManichaian heresy at Carthage?" 
 I answer Yes, tiioiisands of readers of 'divinity ;' for this is not a 
 fact in divinity, but a fact in ecclesiastical history, which I take permis- 
 sion to believe is as dillcrent from divinity as Faustus the Manicbiean is 
 different from l^'austus the bishop. Let me instance that Jerome 
 confounds Simon the Just who met Alexander the Great when he came 
 to Jerusalem, with Simon tiie High Priest, in the days of Herod (Jones, 
 vol. ii. p. 151.) ; yet Jerome will not therefore be condemned to oblivion : 
 nor will Cornelius Nepos l)e banished our schools, because, in treating 
 professedly of the Life of Milliades the son of Cypsilas, he ascribes to him 
 Ihe actions of another Miltiades the son of Cimon. (Lcmpriere's Classical 
 Diet. art. Miltiades.) 
 
 Besides the " divinity" blunder committed by the reviewer, in his 
 
 E 
 
30 
 
 The Introduction to the Protevangelion of James, which 
 stands in the Apocryphal New Testament next after the 
 Gospel of Mary, affirms, that " the allusions to tliis apocry- 
 phalGospel in the ancient Fathers are frequent, andtheirex- 
 pressions indicate that it had obtained a very general credit 
 in the Christian world." I was led into this statement by 
 Jones. 1st. Tlie contents at the head of one of his chap- 
 ters state that " several of the relations of the Gospel 
 of Mary and the Protevangelion have been credited by the 
 ancients."* 2dly. He says, " Several of the accounts or 
 relations have been credited by some ancient Christian 
 writers. "t Sdly. He says, " This fact is mentioned and 
 credited by Tertullian, Petrus Alexandrinus;, Origen, 
 Epiphanius, Theophylact, and others. ":[: 4thly. He says, 
 " This story, which is in the Protevangelion, was very much 
 known and credited by the ancients. "§ 5thly. He says, 
 " From all which it is very evident, that the account of 
 Joseph's age and family, which is in the Gospel of the Birth 
 of Mary and the Protevangelion of James, met with a very 
 
 denunciation of mine concerning Faust us, be at the same time commits 
 another, which brings us in juxta- position. He says that Toland's 
 ♦' yVmjntor, puhlisiied ia 1G98," a Look relating to the New Testament, 
 " gave rise to the Codex Pseudepigraphus of Fabricius." Tliis latter 
 work regards tlie Old Testament, as its title purports, " Codex 
 Pseudepigraphns Ft<er?,s Testamenti." It was not published until 1713, 
 fifteen years after Toland's book, nor was it the work by Fabrieius 
 to which Toland's Amjntor gave rise j but the work t)f Fabrieius 
 to which it did give rise, was on the Ntw Testament, and entitled 
 " Codex Apocry|)hns Novi Testamcnti;" this was published in 1703, 
 only five years alter the An-yntor. I mistook the later Faiistus for the 
 earlier Faustus : the reviewer mistakes the later Codex tor the earlier 
 Codex. He eiiarges mc with Faustus : I debit him, j)cr coidra, with 
 Codex. How stands the balance ? 
 
 " Dulness is sacred in a sound disine ;" in the reverend reviewer it is 
 personified. To climax his absurdity, he should have used her exclama- 
 tion — 
 
 " Faustus is our friend V'—Dunciad, b. iii. I. 308. 
 
 * Jones, vol.ii. r. xvii. p. 133. t Ihid. p. 134. 
 
 t Ibid. p. 135. § Ibid. p. 135. 
 
31 
 
 general ercdit among the ancient Christians ;" and he 
 says, " Baronius cites many of the Fathers, as having given 
 credit to its accounts."* 6thly. He says, " Besides the 
 former places cited out of Epiphanius, there are two more 
 in his works which seem to have plain reference, the one to 
 the Protevangelion, the other to the Gospel of Mary and 
 the Protevangelion." + I did not perceive that, at a 
 distance of several pages from these passages, he observes, 
 " It is true, indeed, some parts of the history have 
 been credited, yet it does not appear that they were the 
 more credited because contained in either of these Gos- 
 pels.":J: He has other remarks to the same effect ; which 
 wholly escaped me, as they might have escaped any one 
 who was not reading his book thoroughly.^ 
 
 Jones says, and I have said after him, that " Postellus 
 brought the manuscript of the Protevangelion from the 
 Levant;" and that he " asserts it was publicly read as cano- 
 nical in the Ea stern churches, they not doubting that James 
 Avas the author of it. "|| Whether the Eastern churches did 
 or did not receive the Protevangelion is of no consequence; 
 for, if they even did receive it, there is not a man one 
 degree removed from an idiot, who would therefore 
 suppose that it is in the least degree worthy of our 
 canon. The drift of the reviewer is to represent me as 
 claiming that authority for it. If I did, the reader 
 shall judge. In the very page of Jones, from whence 
 I take the above words in my introduction to the 
 Protevangelion — in this very page Jones commences 
 
 * Jones, J). 137. t Ibid. p. 138. J Ibid. p. 146. 
 
 § In Ancient M'/stcries described, 1 liave shown that tbe whole of tlie 
 Gospel of Mary, aiid portions of the Prolevaugelion, were performed at 
 Coventry as plays. 'I'he volume also describes nutncrons niieient en- 
 gravings, anil refers to monkish legends, founded on subjects hi these 
 apocryphal Gospels. 
 
 II Jones, p. 158. 
 
32 
 
 a long citation from Postellus and Bibliander, in whoso 
 very language I might have stated, that the Protevan- 
 gelion " is to be looked upon, as a jewel among the 
 books of divinity; as the basis and foundation of all the 
 gospel history; as the beginning of the present Gospel of 
 Mark ; that James, the brother of our Lord, was the 
 autlior of it ; that it is never reckoned among the apocry- 
 phal and spurious writings; that there is nothing in it 
 repugnant to the sacred history, &c."* Not a word of this 
 have I penned, till I now cite it for the purpose of ena- 
 bling honest minds to determine whether, if I had designed 
 to impose on my readers, I would have rejected represen- 
 tations so favourable to such a purpose. No. In no 
 introduction to any one book of the Apocryphal New Tes- 
 tament, have I, by comment, gloss, or insinuation, propi- 
 tiated the mind in its behalf. t 
 
 Except a sentence or two on other pieces, that I have 
 observed on before, and a quotation from the Gospel of 
 Infancy^ the reviewer confines himself to the Gospel of 
 Mary and the Protevangelion. Mark his reason : " To 
 press any further inquiry into the system pursued in this 
 publication, and to penetrate deeper into the dark recesses 
 of its falsehoods, is a task which we cannot inflict on our- 
 selves." What an amiable deficiency of moral courage ! 
 What a delicate sensibility to come over him just at the 
 moment when he ought to have acquainted his readers that 
 
 * Jones, vol. ii. p. 158. 
 
 f Tlic Gospel of the Infancy, tlie only otlier work in the Apocryplial 
 New Testament that llic reviewer notices, appears to have been a popular 
 l)ook. Robert Robinson (Eccles. Res. p. 427,) relates, on the authority of 
 Mnratori, that three coi>ics of this Gosjjel were contained in a cataloj;ue, 
 assigned to the tenth century, of the MSS. in the splendid conventual 
 library of Bobbio, in the Appcnnines. Jones assijsjns great antiquity 
 to tliis apocryphal Gospel. Irlc says, (vol. ii. p. 259,) that " the first 
 book of Christ's Infancy, and tiic stories thereof, were forged by the 
 Gnostics in the beginning of the second century. This is plain, from 
 Ircneieus, 1. i. c. 17, who expressly stales that these heretics were the au- 
 thors or inventors of these idle stories." 
 
33 
 
 these "dark recesses" are the parts of the Apocryphal 
 New Testament that contain the Epistles of Clement, 
 Barnabas, Ignatius, and Polycarp, and the Sliepherd of 
 Hermas. Under the pretence that, to " penetrate deeper" 
 would be an infliction that he ought in mercy to be 
 spared, the reviewer artfully conceals that two- thirds of 
 the Apocryphal New Testament are occupied by these 
 pieces ; all of them translated and published by Wake, 
 archbishop of Canterbury, under the title of " The Ge- 
 nuine Epistles of the Apostolical Fathers," in order to 
 show the accommodation of the church of England to 
 early worship.* The reviev/er presumed, that, by an 
 affectation of horror, he could shock the ignorant into 
 a belief that these "dark recesses," containing the Arch- 
 bishop's translations, were filled by 
 
 " things horrible and awfu', 
 
 Which e'en to name would be unlawfu'." —Burns. 
 
 Johnson explains Cant to be " a corrupt dialect used by 
 beggars and vagabonds ; a whining pretension to good- 
 ness in affected terms." What sturdy knave, or oily 
 hypocrite, ever canted more subtilly than my reverend 
 slanderer ?f 
 
 * William Wake, born at Biandford in Dorsetshire, in 1657, and 
 admitted of Christ- Church College, Oxford, in 1672; was successively 
 doctor in divinity, canon of Christ-Church, chaj)lain to King William 
 and Queen Mary, preacher to Gray's Inn, rector of St. James's, 
 Westminster, dean of Exet«r, and bishop of Lincoln. On the death of 
 Archbishop Tenison, he was translated to the metropolitan see, and be- 
 came Lord Primate of all England, in 1716. In 1693, Archbishop Wake 
 first published his " Genuine Epistles of llie Apostolical Fathers ;" he 
 died in 1737, just as his fourth edition of that work a])peared. 
 
 f It is afiirmed by the reviewer, that Jones " was never out of my 
 bands; that my notes, my tables, and my catalogues, are all copied from 
 Jones.'" — Very well: I admit that some of llicm werr from Jones; and 
 that those respecting the Epistles were from Wake. Had my name been 
 on the title-page of the Apocryphal New Testament as the editor, then, 
 indeed, I should have assumed a sciublauce of learning personally, that 
 
 3 
 
S4 
 
 Notwilhstandiiig so much of the Quarterly machinery is 
 ilislocated, one part, and the most mischievous part, re- 
 mains to be destroyed. 
 
 My preface to the Apocryphal New Testament com- 
 mences with this question: " After the writings contained 
 in the New Testament were selected from the numerous 
 Gospels and Epistles then in existence, what became of the 
 books that were rejected by the compilers?" Upon this 
 (juestion — a very natural one, as I then considered, by way 
 of introduction to the apocryphal books now in existence 
 — the reviewer observes, that " one object of this question 
 is to bespeak a favourable hearing for these writings, whose 
 authenticity, it is insinuated, was deemed worthy of consi- 
 deration, at least, by the compilers of the New Testament." 
 
 would liiivn lirni liliriilnus Tlio voiiimo is anonymous; and, tliough I 
 iK'vcr coiifi :il((l finiti :uiy dik' who itiqniK il ( oiiccrriing tlie compiler, that 
 J compiled it mysiK", I always mentioned the English sources of the Gospels 
 uiu\ Epistles ; and that I drew u|) the introductory notices, aud stated the 
 authorilirs IVom thence. IJnt it is remarkable tli;it my accuser's ol)liga- 
 tions to Jones are more serious than mine, and ecjuully unacknowledged. 
 Willi barely "edging: <"■ trimming of a scholar, a welt or so," lie 
 does not quote one atitliur in a «Iead language, who was not pointed out 
 to him by Jones ,• aud what lie says concerning English writers, 
 ;iiiy one who lakes tlie trouble to look at tlie work on the Canon, 
 (vol. i. pages 17, 28, 43, G5, &c.) will sec is also filclicd from 
 Jones's volume, and that from the same source he furnislies out his 
 six pages of rote aiiout the canon, and about Dodwell's mistaken 
 notion that " the books comprising the present canon were con- 
 cealed in the coflers of particular churches till the time of Trajan." 
 'J hronghout the whole of his article, the only original scrap is a note, 
 which he pompously announces to liave taken from " a MS. book 
 of an old and respectable clergyman, now before us." It might as 
 well have been " behind us ;" for it is a story how Toland and Le 
 Clere dilfered about a passage in Joscphtis ; how Le Cierc handed the 
 book to Tolfind ; how Toland " owned that he did not know Greek ;" 
 and how " Le Cierc immediately broke olf all connexion wilh him." 
 'J'he anonymous author of this MS, talc, sets out with " JMr. Welby 
 (anolher clergyman) told me" the story, and ends with " Ga/e, the famous 
 anabaptist, was|)r(sent, and gave me this account." The "old rlergy- 
 man" forgot, when he linisiied with " Gale" as his authority, that he had 
 liegan on tlie authority of " Mr. Welby ;" aud the reviewer could not 
 discover that '* the old and res[iectuble clergyman" was fibbing. 
 
;35 
 
 My answer to this is plain and short. The question 
 itself is founded on the following- extract from Mosheim : 
 
 " The opinions, or ratiicr the conjectures of the learned, concerning 
 tlie time when the books of the New Testament were collected into one 
 \oIume, as also about the authors of that collection, are extremely dif- 
 fercnt. This important question is attended with great, and almost insu- 
 perable, difficulties to us in these later times. It is, however, sufficient 
 for us to know that, before the middle of the second century, the greate>t 
 part of the books of tiie New Testament were read in every Christian 
 society througliout tlie world, and received as a divine rule of faith and 
 manners. Hence it appears, that tJieic sacred writings wete care- 
 fully SEPARATED from Several human compositions upon the same subject, 
 pither by some of the apostles themselves, who lived so long, or by tlieir 
 disciples and successors, who were spread abroad througii all nations."* 
 
 When I read Mosheim's statement, that " these sacred 
 writings were carefully separated from several human 
 compositions," I took their having- been " carefully 
 separated" to mean that they had been " selected," and 
 used that word. However, the reviewer affirms that an- 
 other object of the question was " to inspire suspicion of 
 the canonical wiitings, which, according to this account, 
 rest for their credit on the authority of compilers of a late 
 age, who, as fallible men, might easily mistake between 
 canonical and spurious writings." According to what 
 "accounts" Not to any '•'account" of mine, for I gave 
 no "account;" the word is wholly unwarranted: all that 
 I did was to fi*ame a question, almost in the very language 
 ofMosheim, before quoted. Indeed, the question itself 
 was suggested by ?»Iosheim's use of the word " question." 
 He says, " This important question is attended with al- 
 most insuperable difficulties." Still, so far was I from 
 uttering or citing a syllable to " inspire suspicion of the 
 canonical writings," that, while using the sentence in which 
 
 * Moshoim's Etchs, Hist. vol. i p. 108. 
 
36 
 
 Mosheim speak>^ of " insupera])le diiTiculties," I wholly 
 abstained from niontioniiio- or hinting at dinicultios. To 
 negative the reviewer's charge, I quote the following re- 
 markable passage, of a directly opposite tendency, from 
 my preface: 
 
 "Allliongh it is uncertain wliether tlie books of the New Testament 
 wore declared canonical by tlie Nicene Council, or by some otlicr, or 
 when or by whom tliey were collected into a volume, it is certain (sco 
 Table II. at the end of this workj that they were considered genuine and 
 authentic, with a few variations of opinion as to some of them, by t!io 
 most early Christian writers ; and that they were selected from various 
 other Gospels and Epistles, tlic titles of which are mentioned In the 
 works of the Fathers and tlic early historians of the Church. (See Table* 
 I. at end.)" 
 
 This passage, affirming that the books of the New Tes- 
 tament were received as genuine and authentic by the most 
 early Christian writers, would have been a stumbling-block 
 to the reviewer's purpose of showing that I denied the New 
 Testament writings ; and therefore, with consistent disho- 
 nesty, he carefully suppresses it. 
 
 But this suppression is venial, compared with an offence 
 that the reviewer deliberately perpetrates in the subjoined 
 paragraph. He says, 
 
 " It may be right to notice a preliminary objection which has alsvays 
 been a favourite one with the infidel, and which is revived in the preface 
 to tiie work before ns, — namely, that they who admit the body of Cano- 
 nical Scripture, as exhibited in the New Testament, are una!)Ic to namo 
 the precise period at which it was received as such by the Christian 
 cliurch, or to produce the decree of any council, in the first two centuries, 
 which affixes its sanction either to the present or any other Canon of 
 Scripture. As this is conceived to be a sufficient proof of the total un- 
 certainty of the Canon, many triumphant inferences are of course deduced 
 from it. ' The whole story,' it is insirmated, ' may be an imposture; at 
 all events, we may not have received the true and genuine history of it; 
 we can have no certain accounts of the doctrines promulgated by the first 
 teachers; and, indeed, the simple fact that no formal recognition of the 
 official documents took place, is of itself a very suspicious circumstance. 
 
37 
 
 and quite enougli to cast an air of doubt over ]lhc whole transaction.' 
 Wliut may be the justice of tliose inferences, a very few remarks will 
 suflicc to demoustratcj &c." 
 
 This is a master stroke. In the above paragraph, the 
 reviewer places a sentence between inverted commas. The 
 sentence begins on the tenth line from the top of the para- 
 graph, with the words ' The whole story,' and ends the 
 third line from the bottom, with the words ' the w hole 
 transaction.' The inverted commas that he puts before 
 the first and after the last words of this sentence, denote it 
 to be a quotation from my preface, which he is discussing. 
 Compare this quoted sentence with the suppressed passage, 
 and there is a palpable discrepancy. The contradiction 
 arises thus : — This quoted sentence, which every one who 
 has read the Quarterly article, without referring to the 
 Apocryphal New Testament, must infallibly believe to 
 have been quoted by the reviewer from my preface, is not 
 in my preface ; it is not in any part of the work ; it is not 
 in any piece that I ever wrote or published, or sold, or read: 
 it is an impudent forgery by the reviewer himself. 
 
 By such a man, who I have shown to have wilfully per- 
 verted the plainest facts, and to have deliberately fabricated 
 the most palpable falsehoods ; whose article, from begin- 
 ing to end, is a laboriously devised fraud; who stands 
 stripped of all pretensions to honesty, and convicted of the 
 foulest forgery; by such a man I am accused of " sottish and 
 hopeless ignorance," " a systematic disregard of truth," " a 
 deep and desperate malignity," and "notorious infidelity." 
 By such a man I am called " a poor illiterate creature," 
 and " a wretch !" He is in orders, and perhaps took ordere 
 for abuse. He is a Divine — he may become a Christian. 
 Like the preparer of a deadly poison, who muffles and wears 
 a vizard, lest the subtilty of the concoction he designs for 
 another should destroy himself, this audacious defamer, to 
 conceal his identity and cloak his crime, uses the Quarterly 
 
 F 
 
38 
 
 for a mayk, and converts religion into a wrap-rascal. 
 But I know him. At present he performs the prescribed 
 formalities, in the living he was presented to upon the 
 consummation of his crime, with the semblance of confer- 
 ring on his parishioners the benefit of clergy ; and, when a 
 splendid monument shall be reared to his pious memory, 
 the reader who approaches it 
 
 " will find his virtues 
 
 Trimly set forth in lapidary lines; 
 
 Truth with her torch beside, and little Cupids 
 
 Dropping upon his tomb their marble tears." — Soullieij. 
 
 I now come to a work that appeared in May, 1822, 
 entitled " Proofs of Inspiration^ or the Ground of Distinc- 
 tion between the New Testament and the Apocryphal 
 Volume ; occasioned by the recent publication of the 
 Apocryphal New Testament by Hone : by the Rev. 
 Thomas Rennell^ B.D. F.R.S. Vicar of Kensington." There 
 is something here not quite in good taste, not quite gen- 
 tlemanly. If Mr. Rennell so departed from the usual 
 course, as to introduce my name on his title-page, he might 
 have prefixed to it the only Christian name that some, who 
 think themselves Christians, allow me. To me, however, 
 the omission is no discredit; nor, to me, is it of any conse- 
 quence that in his preface he calls the criticism of the 
 Quarterly Review " an able article." It seems that Mr. 
 Rennell delayed his work in the expectation of an answer 
 *' long since threatened by the Editors of the Apocryphal 
 Volume to the article above-mentioned ;" I presume he may 
 be almost persuaded that, though I advertised " a Refu- 
 tation of the Quarterly Review of the Apocryphal New 
 Testament," my abstinence from the press arose from 
 other feelings than those of fear. I confess that I smiled 
 
39 
 
 at Mr. Rennell's praise of an adversary, whose reputation 
 for ability has lasted exactly two years and a quarter, 
 merely because I maintained a sovereign contempt for his 
 dishonesty during that period. 
 
 Mr. Rennell supposes that the Apocryphal New Testa- 
 ment is " an insidious attempt to place its w ritings upon 
 the same foundation with the Scriptures themselves." 
 Upon that, as a general allegation, I shall observe when 
 I come to set forth the circumstances that occasioned the 
 work, and my design in publishing it. 
 
 Mr. Rennell's animadversions on the apocryphal Gos- 
 pels are so mingled with animadversions on me, that from 
 thence it must be presumed that I designed to palm these 
 Gospels for genuine, and to represent their contents as 
 true. His strictures altogether tend to impute to me 
 motives and conduct that he misconceives, and misrepre- 
 sents. To illustrate, by an instance or two. He remarks on 
 the Gospel of Nicodemus, that, " In the latter part of it there 
 is a poetical description of the descent into hell, and the victory 
 of our Lord over the power of darkness, uniting, as in Mil- 
 ton, the imagery of a classical imagination with the basis of 
 scriptural truth." By this, and by quoting an entire 
 chapter from the Gospel, as it stands in the Apocryphal 
 New Testament, Mr. Rennell only does justice to it as a 
 composition; but he says " It would be a waste of time to 
 enlarge upon an imposture that no one has had the hardi- 
 hood to defend. It was probably a forgery of some Chris- 
 tian at the conclusion of the third or the beginning of the 
 fourth century*." This infallibly persuades every reader 
 that I contended for this gospel ; while the fact stands 
 thus :--that in the introduction to it,Ihave distinctly stated 
 the opinion that it was a forgery; that Jones aftinns it 
 was a forgery ; and that he mentions the frequency of such 
 
 * Mr. RcniicH's Proofs of Inspiration, p, 123. 
 
40 
 
 forgeries. Mr. Rennell, by a single lino, might have 
 spared his readers from eiTor, and done mc justice. 
 
 Mr. Rennell, although I have mentioned my reason in the 
 Preface, finds it difficult to account for my insertion of the 
 Apostles' Creed. He says, " no Christian of the present 
 day, in the Church of England at least, can believe that 
 the very words of this creed were actually dictated by 
 the apostles themselves." Mr. Rennell mistakes. His 
 own Common Prayer-book, both in the morning and 
 evening service, directs that " there shall be said or sung 
 the Apostles' Creed by the minister and the people;" and 
 because the Common Prayer-book calls it " the Apostles' 
 Creed," many Christians of the Church of England not 
 only "can," but do believe that it is the Apostles' Creed.* 
 I included it in the Apocryphal New Testament, because 
 it is so denominated, and because Jones himself expressly 
 inserts it in his " List of the ApocrT/phal Books now 
 extant."f 
 
 * For positive proof of Ibis belief in our own times, see " Easter ; a 
 Manual explanatory of terms of the Church Service in the Booh of Common 
 Prayer;" i\ dialogue between a parishioner and a clergyman, " for the 
 use of the licads of families, and all who are immediately under their 
 protection." The parishioner is taught by the cicrgjmau, concerning 
 the Apostles'" Creed, as follows:— 
 
 " Parishioner. Pray inform me why the Belief which I am taught is 
 
 called Ihe Apostles'" Creed. 
 " Clergyman. It was thought requisite for the preservation of the ligiit 
 which had been eommunicated to men to draw up a short form of 
 vords which should comprise the principal points of christian failh : 
 and there is a tradition generally received, that as many of the Apos- 
 tles as had escaped persecution assembled together for that purpose; 
 and, by each of them contributing his part, they composed a collec- 
 tion of the chief heads of faith, relating to what Christ had taught 
 them. It was called the Apostles'" Creed, or (agreeably to the same 
 tradition) the Creed taught by the Apostles, because the original 
 profession of faith, drawn up by the Apostles themselves, formed 
 the principal portion of it." 
 This is a cheap tract, " price 9d. or 7s. 6d. per dozen ; published by 
 F. C. and J. Rivington, St. Paul's Church-yard, and Waterloo-place." 
 These are Mr. RennelTsown publishers, and the tract lies on their coun- 
 ter by the side of his own Proofs of Inspiration, 
 
 f Jones, vol. i. p. 37. 
 
41 
 
 Though my introduction to the jjlpislles of Paul and 
 Seneca might have been longer, it could not have been 
 more fair ; and yet, from the tenor of Mr. Rennell's stric- 
 tures, it is to be gathered that I advocated these pieces. 
 Had I been inclined to do so I might have elevated Seneca 
 to a saint in the very words of another saint ; for Jerome 
 says " Seneca I should not have ranked in my catalogue of 
 saints, but that I was determined to it by those Epistles,*" 
 This passage from Jerome is in the same page of Jones 
 from whence I have adopted Jones's moderated language, 
 and merely observed, in Jones's words, that "Jerome 
 places Seneca, on account of these Epistles, among the ec- 
 clesiastical and holy writers of the Christian Church." If 
 Mr. Rennell had made the slightest representation of my 
 impartiality, he would have found me sensible of kindness. 
 
 To Mr. Rennell's remarks concerning the Acts of Paul 
 and Thecla in the Apocryphal New Testament, I most se- 
 riously object. My introduction to that book commences 
 thus : " TertuUian says that this piece was forged by a 
 Presbyter of Asia, who being convicted, confessed that he 
 did it out of respect to Paul." Mr. Rennell takes no 
 more notice of this sentence than if it had not existed, 
 but acquaints his readers that " Thecla was often spoken 
 of as a martyr by the early Fathers and historians ; and 
 her history was so celebrated as to tempt a proselyte of 
 Asia to forge the original of the present work. For this 
 we have the primitive testimony of TertuUian." On this 
 fact, on the very fact repeated by him after me, Mr. 
 Rennell immediately observes, "After this testimony on 
 the part of TertuUian, no one will be hardy enough to 
 contend for the authenticity of the Acts of Paul and Thecla." 
 His observation clearly purports that 1 was " hardy 
 enough to contend for its authenticity" ; nay, he follows it 
 
 * Jones, vol. ii. pngcCI, 
 
42 
 
 up with language still stronger. He says, ^' We have 
 every reason, however, to believe that many parts of the 
 book before us were interpolated. So that the piece, as 
 "we read it in the apocryplial volume, is an example of a 
 double imposition," It is quite clear that, by Mr. Renncll 
 stating from Tertullian that the piece is a forgery; by his 
 concealing that I had made the same statement ; and by 
 his affirming that "the piece, as we read it in the apocry- 
 phal volume, is an example of a double imposition," 
 conveys the idea that I had practised "imposition" by 
 inserting it in the Apocryphal New Testament. If Mr. 
 Rennell did not read my introduction to the Acts of Paul 
 and Thecla, surely so to write concerning that piece as 
 a portion of the apocryphal volume was not ingenuous; 
 if he did read my introduction, the obliquity is increased. 
 
 In the introduction to the Shepherd of Ilermas^m the Apo- 
 cryphal New Testament I observe that " Origen thought 
 it a most useful writing,and that it was divinely inspired." 
 Upon this, Mr. Rennell inquires " What book of the New 
 Testament would we receive as divinely inspired upon the 
 testimony of a single witness ?" I would answer the ques- 
 tion, if I had asserted that the Shepherd of Hernias, or any 
 other book of the Apocryphal New Testament, was inspired. 
 All that I did with regard to Hernias was to mention, on 
 Archbishop Wake's authority, what a few early writers af- 
 firmed of the book; and whatlhave alleged to have been said 
 by Origen is in the archbishop's own words. Mr. Rennell, 
 however, extracts from other parts of Origen, where that 
 father moderates his opinion concerning this book, and 
 adds that "these expressions are carefully kept out of sight 
 by the editor." Can Mr. Rennell guess no other motive 
 for my omission than an unfair one ? He quotes from the 
 very page wherein the archbishop not merely states these 
 moderated expressions of Origen, but actually declares that 
 they " were put forth by that father on account of some who 
 
43 
 
 it seems did not pay the same respect" to the Shepherd of 
 Hennas that Origen himself did. The archbishop's disre- 
 gard of Origen's moderated expressions was the ground of 
 my disregard; and, strange to say, the archbishop's dis- 
 regard of those moderated expressions is " carefully kept 
 out of sight" by Mr. Rennell. The archbishop may have 
 been no authority to Mr. Rennell, but surely Mr. Rennell 
 knew that he was my sole authority. 
 
 The antiquity of the Shepherd of Hermas Mr. Rennell 
 admits to be unquestionable : he thinks that " the various 
 moral allegories with which it abounds are highly edifying 
 and instructive ;" and, as a specimen of the book, he 
 quotes a whole chapter of it from the Apoc. New Test. 
 " Let us," says Mr. Rennell, " take the following vision, 
 which describes the trials and tribulations to come as an 
 example ; and, to give it every possible advantage, it shall 
 be printed in the same style with the holy scriptures, and 
 with the same division into verses which has been effected 
 by the pious labors of the editors of the apocryphal volume."* 
 I understand the sneer; and, though Mr. Rennell is so 
 candid as to state that " the various pieces which the 
 Apocryphal New Testament contains have been often print- 
 ed, both in their original language and in translations,"f 
 I imagine it may be information to him, that a translation 
 of the Shepherd of Hermas, made a hundred and sixty 
 years ago, by John Pringle, is divided into verses ; the 
 book is in my hand, and I place the title of it in a note 
 below. X 
 
 * Mr. Rcnnell's Proofs; p. 77. t II>iJ« P- i. Introd. 
 
 X The title of I'ringle's Shc|)Iierd of Hermas runs tlins : — 
 "The Three Books of Hermas the Biseipic of Paul the Apostle, viz. 
 
 I. The Church. II. Tlie Shepherd. Hf. The Similitudes. 
 
 Englished by John Pruis:le. London : Printed for John White, 
 
 in Threailneedle Street, behindc the Old Exchange, 1661," small 
 
 8vo. pp. 190. 
 The following arc titles of other apocryphal pieces in my possession: 
 1. ^'' The First Bvok of the Gospel of is'kodemus ; translated from the 
 
44 
 
 That the division of apocryphal pieces into vci*ses is 
 not an invention of mine, must be well known to Mr. 
 llennell, for he expressly mentions the " Apocrypha to the 
 Old Testament," which is also " printed in the same style 
 with the holy scripture, and with the same division of 
 
 verses 
 
 "» 
 
 ori|;inal Hebrew. Printed and sold in London," wKiiout dale, 
 hut ai)i)arcntly about Qncen Anne's time ; on coarse paper, one 
 sheet, I2ino. on the title a woodcut portrait. On comparing this 
 with a IMS. copy, tliat 1 have, of the early translation of •' Nicho- 
 €lc7nns his Gospel," printed by Jolni Caustericr, witiiout date, it 
 appears to be the first seven chapters of that translation, vvitli 
 slight alterations modernising the phraseology. This common 
 hawker's edition of Nicodenms, which probably sold for a half- 
 penny, is divided into eight chapters, and subdivided into verses. 
 
 2. " ^icodemns's Gospel. Containing an extraordinary and minute 
 
 Accoinit of our blessed Saviour's Trial and Accusation ; his Death 
 and Passion; his Descent into the Invisible World; and what 
 happened there during that period : with his Ascension into Hea- 
 ven. \A^hieii curious relation will be found agreeable to Scripture. 
 Jiy Josep/i IVilson. London: I'rintcd for the Author; and sold at 
 Lis House in Lancaster Court, in the Strand, 1767.'' 8vo. with a 
 Preface, pp.78. This edition, also after Causterier's, is, like his, 
 divided into thirteen cUupters, and Wilson subdivides it into 
 verses. 
 
 3. T/ie Epistle of Paul to the Laodiceans, a Translation into Welch, 
 
 (at the end of the "Testament y deuddeg Patriarch, sef Meibion 
 Jacob. A Gyfieilhwyd allan or Groeg gan Robert Grosthead 
 J'lsgoi) Lincoln. Argraphwyd jii y Mwythig, 1719," r2mo.) is 
 divided into verses, witli this addition, after the last verse — 
 "Episll I'aid at y Laodieeaid a garfwyd yn y BibI hynafary 
 Breintwyd yn Worms." The Epistle to the Laodiceans in Jones 
 on the Canon is also divided into verses ; but Jones's work was 
 not published until seven years after the Epistle in the Welsh 
 Testament of the Twelve Patriarchs. 
 
 *In 1820, and before the Apocryphal New Testament appeared in that 
 year, the Rev. Richard Laurence, LL.D. Regius Professor of Hebrew, 
 Canon of Christ Chureii, &,c. ami now Archbishop of Cashel, publishetl 
 llie Apocryplial I'irst Rook of Ezra \\\ Ethiopic, wifh a Latin and t]nglisli 
 translation. 'J'hc archbishop had published in 1819 the Apocryphal Rook 
 of The Ascension of Isaiah the Prophet, also in Ethiopic, with similar 
 translations. In 1821, alter the publieatiiju of the second edition of the 
 Apocrvphal New 'J'estanienf, the archbishop produced an English trans- 
 lation of the Apocryphal Booh of Enoch the Prophet. These three apo- 
 rrypiial books were printed at theOxford university press, and arc divided 
 into chapters and verses. 
 
4/5 
 
 I have remarked elsewhere* that " The Gospels included 
 in the Apocryphal New Testament, rank with such pieces 
 in the Old Testament Apocrypha as the book of Tobit - 
 wherein it is related that his son married the widow of seven 
 husbands, all of whom were slain on the nuptial night by 
 a devil that was in love with her; but who was himself 
 finally discomfited by the eighth bridegroom fumigating the 
 wedding chamber with the burning heart and liver of a fish; 
 the which smell when the evil spirit hadsmelled, hejled into the 
 utmost parts of Eg2/pt."f " The angel so conspicuous in 
 Tobit is guilty of a gross lie, saying, first, that he was 
 Azarias the son of Ananias,:J: and afterwards^ that he was 
 Raphael, one of the seven angels."l| This, and the won- 
 derful history of Bel and the Dragon, with the delectable 
 and instructive story of Susannah and the Elders, so often 
 
 • At tlie end of Ancient Mysteries Desaibed, 
 t Tobit, viii. 3. : Ibid. V. 13. § Ibid. xii. 15. 
 
 II Jones, vol. i. p. 10. 
 
 Fobit lias been a great favorite witb the multitude. There is in the 
 Uritisii Museum a black-letter garland jbearing tliis title : " A Pleasant 
 liallad of Tobias, wherein is shewed what wonderful things chanced to 
 liim in his Youth ; and how he wedded a young Damoscll that had 
 Seven Husbands, but never enjoyed their Company, being all Slain by 
 an Evil Spirit. To a pleasant neto Tune." A sheet with woodcuts. 
 
 How the dog in Tobit came to be popular is not easily explained. The 
 animal is only mentioned once on the departure of the Angel and Tobias 
 for their journey to Media. The host in St. Paul's Church-yard, who, 
 by having Tobifs Dog for a sign, outrivals the fame of him of the Goose 
 and Gridiron, should thankfully receive the information that the apocry- 
 phal dog was Tobias's. — So theij both went forth, and the young man's dog 
 with them. (Tobi(, v. 16.) This going forth was just utter the angel 
 bad cheated Tobit with a lie. 
 
 The Hystory of Thobye, in the Golden Legend, states that after the fish 
 was caught and roasted. They " toke it with them for to ete by the 
 •waye, and the remenaut they salted, that it might suffyse them tyl they 
 came in to the cyte of Rages." 
 
 A good specimen of Count Goudt's peculiar style of execution is his 
 print after Elsiieiiiier of the Journeying with the Fish across a stream. 
 Uut the most sumptuous illustration of this apocryphal book is Raphael's 
 ^)icture of Our Lady of the Fish, in which are thcVirgin, the Infant Jesus, 
 St. Jerome, the Archangel, and Tobias with his Fish. These were 
 insisted on by the nuns for whom it was painted, and render this splcndi 
 production a remarkable instance of anachronism, 
 
46 
 
 illustrated by prurient painters, are appointed as morning 
 and evening- lessons, which, according to the thirty- nine 
 articles, with the other apocryphal " books, as Jerome 
 saith, the church doth read for example of life and instruc- 
 tion of manners:" Mr. Rennell terms these pieces " useful 
 and pious books ;" I must be excused for dissenting from 
 his denomination, and for Avondering, with others, "that 
 such stories as Bel and the Dragon should be read in 
 the church."* Jones terms the " useful and pious books" of 
 Mr. Rennell '' idle fables of the Apocrypha of the Old 
 Testament ;"f and yet I am called to account for adopting 
 " the same division into verses which has been effected by 
 the pious labours of the editors of" ^/«a^ Apocrypha. For the 
 double-lined rule enclosing the title to the Apocryphal New 
 Testament, a precedent may be found in Archbishop Wake's 
 title-page to his own editions of " the Genuine Epistles 
 of the Apostolical Fathers," which being so distinguished 
 suggested to me the idea. The Epistles in the archbishop's 
 volume, and the form of his title-page, I adopted together, t 
 
 Other strictures of Mr. Rennell have been answered by 
 preceding remarks on the Quarterly reviewer, or will 
 be by what follows. This observation equally applies to 
 several of the objections in another publication, which 
 appeared soon after Mr. Rennell's, viz. 
 
 " The Genuine and Apocrj/phal Gospels compared. A 
 Charge delivered to the Clergy of the Archdeaconry of 
 Derby, at the Visitations at Derby and Chesterfield, June 6 
 and 7, 1822, and published at their request. By Samuel 
 Butler, D.D. F.R.S. and S.A. &c. Archdeacon oj Berhrj, 
 and Head-master of Shrewsbury School." I think that 
 
 ■ "Kallerfelto, with Iiis hair on end, 
 
 At his own wonders, wond'ring for his bread/ 
 
 * Bishop Cosin on <lic Canon, p. 197. 
 t Joues, vol. ii. \.. IGl. 
 
47 
 
 could not have looked more wonderstruck than I did when 
 I saw, for the first time, on Messrs. Rivington*s counter, 
 a Visitation Charge from the Venerable the Archdeacon of 
 Derby to his Clergy, entirely devoted to an expression of 
 this gentleman's views concerning the books in the Apo- 
 cryphal New Testament; nor was my astonishment dimi- 
 nished after I had perused it.* 
 
 Mr. Archdeacon Butler objects to the " placing before 
 the common people spurious gospels, as like in form and 
 phraseology as they can be made to the originals." But 
 if, by the " common people," he means the ignorant and 
 uninquiring among hard-working men, (and there are no 
 other "common people" among them,) he forgets that, 
 however attractive a six-shilling volume, of two hundred 
 and seventy pages may be, it is not within their purchase. 
 The Archdeacon also objects to the " language of the trans- 
 lations." He says, this " is an English improvement 
 upon a French invention ;" and proceeds thus: "1 have 
 in my possession a French translation of these very writ- 
 ings, but not in scriptural phraseology, published evidently 
 with the same insidious intention, professedly at London, 
 but, in fact, at Paris in 1769: the work, I believe, is not 
 common." Not very common, certainly; but the Arch- 
 deacon is probably aware by this time that I have in my 
 possession a work in English, from whence I took the 
 
 * Tiie Aiciidencoii objects that by iisiiij; the word " records," which 
 means "authentic memorials," I alteiupt to place llie Apocryjjlial New 
 Testament on a fooling with the New Testament. To explain upon this 
 point 1 beg it to he remembered that Archbishop "Wake's volume bears 
 the tille of " The Geumne Epistles of the Apostoliad Fathers ; being, toge- 
 ther with the Holji Scriptures of the New Testament, a compleat Collection 
 of the most primitive Aiititjuiti/.'" Wake says that " the authors of these 
 G^ewjuHe Epistles had not only the advantage of hearing the Ajiostles, and 
 conversing with lliem," but " Barnabas, the author of one of these Epis- 
 tles was himself an Apostle." If these Epistles are genuine, they are 
 "authentic memorials'" or "records" relative to the doctrine of Christ 
 and his Apostles ; and I have alfirmed truly that the volume contains 
 " his torioul records relative to Christ ami his Apostles." 
 
4» 
 
 Ifanslations he'animadverts upon. This book, certainly, the 
 Archdeacon had not seen when he g^ave his Visitation 
 Charge ; for, whatever exceptions he takes to the language 
 or phraseology of these translations are exceptions against 
 Jeremiah Jones, who made the translations, and not against 
 rae. I simply transferred them from his work on the Canon 
 into the Apocryphal New Testament, without adding, 
 subtracting, transposing, or altering, a single word. 
 
 Speaking of me, the archdeacon says, " That ostensible 
 editor is a man whose name is but too well known to the 
 ranks of disaffection and infidelity ; who appears to possess 
 talents above the ordinary class, and effrontery much above 
 those talents." I comprehend the archdeacon's meaning 
 by this reprobation; but, at this moment, " disaffection" to 
 offence restrains me to the remark, that there are no 
 *' ranks" to which I am 'not " well known," from the pen 
 I now wield as a weapon of defence ; that to no 
 ** ranks" a man bo ^' well known" publicly, from such a 
 circumstance, is so little," known" personally, as 1 am ; and 
 that no " ranks" are so well known to rae as those that 
 surround me on the shelves of the room I now sit in. 
 From thence, a^ from '' a lodge in some vast wilderness," I 
 sometimes ventured into the " wilderness of this world." 
 Though I communed with few, yet I felt that I belonged 
 to the commonwealth. Hence I was not indifferent to 
 questions that have agitated and induced expressions of 
 opinion ; and hence my voice sometimes arose in conjunc- 
 tion with the honest and the honourable, to inquire 
 
 " Who call'd of old so many seats his own ?"* 
 
 Nor can I claim to be excepted from exemplifying Jortin's 
 remark, that, *' if great men will do what they please, they 
 must expect that little men will say what they please, and 
 
 * Mr. Clifford's Juvenal, Sat. i. v. 153. 
 
49 
 
 call a cat, a cat."* Wlien I so wrote, I hfid the " effron- 
 tery" to think I did right ; and I am neither proud nor 
 ashamed of my productions, t My " disaffection" extended 
 to departures from unchangeable principles ; for it Was 
 
 * Joitin's Tracts, vol. ii. p^ 535< 
 
 t Dr. Butler seems to coincide with the reCkless declaration of tiio 
 Quarterly reviewer, that, " beyotid doubt or contradiction, Hone has a 
 set of writers in his pay, with whom truth is an idle name, and honesty 
 a by-word and a jest." I rebut this redoubted assertion, by point-blank 
 denial. Except a hundred pounds for a vohime, wiiicli appeared with its 
 author's name on the title-page, the extent of my payment for aulhorsliip, 
 during the last six years, lias not been twelve pounds altogether ; and the 
 whole of tiie gratuitous assistance I received during that period would 
 not make three pages. The pieces I brought out, with which the public 
 are best acquainted, were the products of my own pen. Be their merits 
 or demerits what they may, one real service has resulted from them. Ey 
 showing what engraving on wood could etfect in a popular way, and ex- 
 citing a taste for art in the more humble ranks of life, they created a new 
 era in the history of publication. They are the parents of the present 
 cheap literature, which extends to a sale of at least four hundred thousand 
 copies every week, and gives large and constant employment to talent 
 in that particular branch of engraving which I selecte<l as the best 
 adapted to enforce, and give circulation to my own thoughts. 
 
 Besides this, I have the high satisfaction of knowing that my littlo 
 pieces acquainted every rank of society, in the most remote corner 
 of the British dominions, with the powers of Mr. George Cruikshank, 
 whose genius had been wasted on mere caricature till it embodied my 
 i<lcas and feelings. When his brother artists, and every one who had the 
 least judgment, praised the multiform fertility of the freest pencil that 
 ever drew a line on a block, it began to be appreciated by publishers. 
 His recent designs in that way, though some have been cruelly cut up by 
 imskilful or careless wood-engravers, and his own excellent etchings, 
 with the currency they give the works they appear in, incontestibly 
 that prove his abilities have forced themselves into demand. His con- 
 ception of original fancy scerns intuitive, and yet his elaboration of a 
 fac-simile would glisten the peering eye of a bibliomaniac. I barely 
 do justice to his talents by this remark ; and I have more satisfactory 
 evidence of its truth than a certificate "with five justices' hands to if, 
 and witnesses more than a page would hold." Robert Burns had not 
 more kindly feelings when he wrote Auld lung Syne, than I have to- 
 wards my friend George Cruikshank. " We twa ha' paddled ;" and 
 though, as regards me, his occupation's gone, our nnitual esteem is 
 undiminished. Those who require his assistance may consider this as 
 a note of introduction to him, at his house, No. 25, Middleton Terrace, 
 Pentonville. 
 
 Every tract that I have written of the description alluded to, with the 
 wliole of the cuts, will shortly appear collected together, with a preface, 
 &c. in one volume, entitled "Political Faceti.e, hj William Hone:'" 
 — that collection will end the use of my jien in that way. 
 
50 
 
 grounded on the belief that politics are morals, and that 
 '* it is not men's free will that they have government or no 
 government, because it is not in their free will to obey, or 
 not to obey, the acts of the court of nature, which is God's 
 court; and this court enacteth, that societies suffer not 
 mankind to perish, which must necessarily follow if they 
 appoint no government." =^ 
 
 I hope I may be pardoned for the preceding digression 
 on a point no other way connected with the subject, than 
 by Dr. Butler's strong expressions concerning me as the 
 " ostejisible editor" of the Apocryphal New Testament, 
 Regarding me in that character, he proceeds to say — 
 
 " The book under our consideration undoubtedly is not, and in fact does 
 not assume to be, his own [irodiiction. I grieve to say lliat the real 
 editor is a man of (alonls and attainments, which qualify iiini for uiidcr- 
 lakin;^ better things, and is therefore entitled to no quarter for wilful and 
 deliberate perversion of truth.'" 
 
 In love of truth Archdeacon Butler is not my superior; 
 and therefore I Avill frankly admit, that the absence of 
 Jones's work from the archdeacon's well-enriched library, 
 and his absence of information regarding me personally, 
 may have led him to conceive that the editor and publisher 
 were two persons. Yet, if he had instituted an easy in- 
 quiry before he ventured so far as to affirm that the 
 *' ostensible editor" of the Apocryphal New Testament 
 *' undouhledlif was not the '' real editor," the presumed 
 inability of the one, and the fancied ** attainments" of the 
 other, would have disappeared before the fact, of which he 
 would have had instant proof, that the ** ostensible" and 
 *' real" editor were '* undouhledlif myself alone; and the 
 charge of *' wilful and deliberate perversion of the truth" 
 could not have been made. The archdeacon has been too 
 hasty; so very hasty, as to hazard a similar charge a'gainst 
 
 * Rutherford's Lex Rex, 4to. 1G44, p. 8. 
 
himself, by animadverting on me in the following lan- 
 guage. Dr. Butler says — 
 
 " He has subjoined the Aposdc's Creed in i(s ancient state, copied 
 from a note in Mr. Justice Bailey's edition of the Common Prayer, and 
 contrasted with tlie same creed in tiie usual editions of onr Common 
 Prayer-book. The reader is thus naturally induced to suppose that the 
 learned Judge has disapproved of the Apostle's Creed in its usual form j 
 wliereas, the note merely states, what no one questions, that ' it is not to 
 be understood that the Apostle's Creed was framed by the apostles, or 
 existed as a creed in their time.' It is then given in its earliest form, as 
 it existed prior to the year 600. Tlie authorities for this are quoted, and 
 there is subjoined the following important observation, which any fair 
 and well-meaning editor ought to have produced, and wliich the editor 
 of the Apocryphal Gospels, finding that he could not insert it without 
 whoUy destroying the insinuation he meant to convey, has wilfully, I may 
 'add, fraudulently, omitted. The words are these : 'The additions were 
 probably made in opposition to particular heresies and opinions,' 1 have 
 printed the latter part of this sentence in italics," &,c. 
 
 So far the archdeacon; and now for the fact: and for 
 proof of the fact I beg ray readers, and the archdeacon 
 himself, to open the Apocryphal New Testament. At 
 page 72, will be found a paragraph of only six lines. It 
 is from this paragraph that the archdeacon charges me to 
 have " wilfully and fraudulently omitted" the "important 
 observation" of Mr. Justice Bailey. The paragraph stands 
 thus : 
 
 " Mr. Justice Bailey says, * It is not to be understood that this creed was 
 framed by the apostles, or indeed that it existed as a creed in their time;' 
 and, after giving thecrced as it existed before the year600,and which is here 
 copied from his Common Prayer Book, he says, 'how long this form had ex- 
 isted before the year 600, is not exactly known. The additions were pro- 
 bably made in opposition to particular heresies and errors.'" 
 
 As the sentence from Mr. Justice Bailey, which the 
 Archdeacon alleges I '* wilfully and fraudulently omitted," 
 ends my paragraph, it ends his accusation. But what an 
 accusation to bring! Dr. Butler refers to the first two 
 lines of a paragraph of six lines, as proot!, that, in order to 
 
52 
 
 convey an improper insinuation, 1 had quoted a sentence 
 from Mr. Justice Dailcy ; and then hecharijes that, because 
 I ** could not insert another sentence from Mr. Justice 
 Bailey, without wholly destroying that insinuation," I had 
 ** wilfully and fraudulently omitted it:" whereas, at the 
 next line but one, that is, in the last three lines of my 
 paragraph, I had fairly and honestly inserted it. Had 
 the archdeacon passed the single line that separates Mr- 
 Justice Bailey's two sentences, he would have been safe 
 from the possibility of having it said that he is '* entitled 
 to no quarter for wilful and deliberate perversion of the 
 truth/ But I forbear, and desire to be understood as not 
 meaning that retort upon Dr. Butler in his own language, 
 because I think him incapable of the crime it imputes. 
 He has been too cursory, and expressed himself too 
 hardly. His Visitation Charge bears decided marks of 
 haste, and would not have been alluded to at all, but Dr. 
 Butler's rank and character constrain me not to contemn 
 his censure of me personally, without endeavouring to ob- 
 viate his misrepresentations. 
 
 Although much has been done in the preceding pages, yet 
 further explanation seems requisite. To that end, and 
 for the purpose of stating what appears to me to be points 
 of objection," I will endeavour to review my two prefaces 
 to the Apocryphal New Testament, without favour or 
 affection. I imagine, then, that they may be spoken of by 
 an impartial reviewer somewhat in this way : — 
 
 III the preface to the first edition of tlie Apocr3'plial New Testament, 
 the editor says, " It has been supposed by many that the New Testa- 
 ment was compiled by the first Council of Nice, which was held early 
 in the fourth century ;" and he gives an account, by no means in favour 
 of that Council, from Jortin. He affirms, on the authority of Mosheim, 
 that neither the precise time or place in which it was held is known, 
 and that its accoimts have not been committed to writing. From this 
 it appears he has very little respect for that Council ; but he affirms 
 that, " whether the books of the New Testament were declared cano- 
 
53 
 
 nloal by the Nicene Council or some other, or when or by whom they 
 were collected into a volume, it is certain that tiiey were considered 
 genuine and authentic, with a few variations of opinion as to some of 
 them, by the most early Christian writers." These books he thinks 
 were selected from other books; and, as most of what lie calls the reject- 
 ed books are lost, he includes those that are extant in the present volume. 
 These, he presumes, will be " acceptable to the theological student 
 and the ecclesiastical antiquary," because they were the origin of many 
 remarkable legends and stories, and sources from whence the old 
 monkish dramatists obtained fables for many of their mysteries, or 
 religious plays. In this latter view, the work is interesting to persons 
 who are in that way inquisitive ; and it Is certainly useful to artists and 
 collectors, because it elucidates the subjects of many pictures and 
 prints by early printers and engravers. Of such affairs the editor 
 may probably know more than of the canon of the New Testament, 
 concerning which he expresses himself confusedly, and evidently is not 
 well informed. His notions on that point are erroneous; yet he can 
 hardly intend to attack or undermine it, for he admits the testimonies 
 to the genuineness and authenticity of the books; and in proof of it he 
 refers, by a note in his preface, to a table of testimonies, which table he 
 subjoins to the volume. His division of the books into chapters and 
 verses confers no sanctity upon them; for, if the Apocrypha to 
 the Old Testament be so divided, there can be no valid objection to the 
 Apocrypha to the New Testament receiving the same division. In his 
 second edition, he retains the first preface, and writes a second, which 
 reiterates the use of the volume to print and picture-fanciers, and cites 
 other strictures from Jortin and Socrates Scholasticus, on the Council of 
 Nice. This second preface concludes with remarks indicating the 
 editor's admiration of the primitive simplicity of Christianity, his sense 
 of some unfair attacks upon him as editor of the work, and his deter- 
 mination to receive them with complacency. This patience it is easier 
 for the editor to imagine than to realize ; for he is sure to receive furtlier 
 and heavier assaults, and for this reason, tliat his name stands on the 
 title as the publisher. But, as any other editor or publisher might have 
 produced such a volume without reprobation, it is illiberal and un- 
 just to insinuate improper motives to this editor and publisher. Hia 
 notions concerning the collection, which he calls a selecticjn of the ca- 
 nonical books, may not be clear, but it is too much to say that he is an 
 jcnemy to Christianity. A writer of that character would have written 
 differently, and would scarcely have inserted the table of the New 
 
 U 
 
54 
 
 Testament books, before referred to ; nor liavc supcraddetl, as he docs 
 in the second edition, a table of the times wlicn, according to difTereiit 
 autliorities, tiie canonical books were written. 
 
 It will hardly be conceded that I can review my prefaces 
 impartially; yet, I think, if they are deliberately examined 
 and candidly considered, the result will be similar to the 
 preceding statement. At any rate, that statement is a true 
 representation of facts, and these facts can be easily ac- 
 counted for. 
 
 Prone to inquiry from my childhood, and knowledge in 
 other languages being to me as a " fountain sealed," I 
 could only obtain it from my own. I had no one to direct or 
 regulate me : all books that fell in my way, no matter on 
 what subject, 1 read voraciously, and appetite increased 
 with indulgence. For want of object, 1 neither extracted 
 nor common-placed, but I got through a vast deal, with 
 this disadvantage, that my recollections as to facts were 
 general rather than particular. Modern works, a few 
 excepted, I have known only as acquaintances, without 
 desire to cultivate an insipid intimacy into the affection 1 
 entertain for their betters. Old books are sometimes rough 
 in language, but they are pregnant of thought; and a few 
 of them have been my daily companions and friends through 
 life. Though in theology and religious controversy, I went 
 no small way, yet of ecclesiastical history I knew nothing, 
 or next to nothing, save from Jortin's Remarks, and 
 dipping now and then into Eusebius, and the Lives of the 
 Saints. Since the article in the Quarterly, I have better 
 informed myself; before then, in Biblical criticism I had 
 only perused books of moderate estimation and small 
 value; but neither Michaelis nor Lardner. My resort 
 was to meagre sources, and 1 confess I was not acquainted 
 with better when I compiled the Apocryphal New Testa- 
 ment. The history of that work I shall now relate. 
 It was in the spring of 1820, that residing, as I do still, 
 
55 
 
 on Ludgate-hill, I was exposed to a series of interrup- 
 tions unfavourable to the accomplishment of any object 
 requiring- seclusion. 1 then had such an object very ear- 
 nestly in view, — the completion of a Report of my Trials, 
 illustrated by parodical collections. To effect it I left my 
 family, and removed with my books and papers to lodgings 
 at Camden Town ; from thence I went daily to the British 
 Museum, chiefly for the purpose of consulting the king's 
 collection of pamphlets. One morning, while engaged in 
 the reading room, Avith the Cotton MS. of the Coventry 
 Mysteries, 1 glanced on an observation in Casley's preface 
 to the catalogue of the King's MSS. concerning the text 
 of the three heavenly witnesses, (1 John, V. 7.) Though 
 acquainted with the controversy, yet by way of relief to 
 the wearisomeness of transcribing, 1 examined some tracts 
 on the passage, and one of them mentioning Jones on 
 the Canon, on reference to that work, I for the first time 
 saw the Apocryphal Gospels, which most appositely 
 were the foundation of several of the Mysteries in the 
 MS. at that moment before me. The incident was ad- 
 ditionally interesting, because I not only found that 
 these gospels were the ground-work of many catholic 
 legends that I had formed an acquaintance with, but that 
 they also were the subjects of several prints by Albert 
 Durer, the Wierexes, and different old masters which I had 
 collected as specimens of engraving. I instantly deter-* 
 mined to print these gospels for the use of the curious in 
 old literature, the drama, and the arts. Copy was ready 
 for the printer, when I called upon a respectable bookseller 
 for the purpose of securing Campbell's History of Scottish 
 Poetry, a work of some rarity, which I had long desired 
 to see, and had just been informed he had lately purchased. 
 I obtained my prize, and afterwards, loitering to look over 
 the woodcuts of an early Dutch History of the Bible, and 
 incidentally inquiring concerning apocryphal pieces, Arch? 
 
56 
 
 bishop Wake's " Genuine Epistles of the Apostolical 
 Fathers" were produced, with this observation, that some 
 were of opinion, that, if the Epistle of Barnabas was ge- 
 nuine, the piece ought to have been included in the New 
 Testament. Wake's book, as well as Jones's, had passed 
 through my hands as a bookseller, when either 1 had no 
 curiosity to look into them, or was schooling myself into 
 the salutary persuasion that a reader of old books is more 
 likely to be a bookkeeper than a bookseller ; but, however 
 that may be, neither had before impressed me. If, as 
 Abp. Wake says in his title-page, these epistles, "together 
 with the books of the New Testament, formed a complete 
 collection of the most primitive antiquity for about a hun- 
 dred and fifty years after Christ," I saw that they Avere con- 
 nected with the work I meditated. In short, the three 
 volumes of Jeremiah Jones and the volume of the arch- 
 bishop contained every apocryphal writing of the first ages. 
 This new view of the subject induced me to pause; for, 
 as Jones says that one object of his work was " the enter- 
 tainment of the curious in Christian antiquities," so I 
 conceived that, by adding the Epistles to the Gospels, 
 I should increase the interest of the publication; and, 
 imagining that such a compilation would bear the same 
 relation to the New Testament that the Church Apocrypha 
 does to the Old Testament, I divided tlie books into 
 chapters, and the chapters into verses ; putting contents 
 to each chapter, and running head-lines on each page. 
 Then drawing up short notices, from Jones and Wake, of 
 ancient and modern authors who had mentioned the pieces, 
 I prefixed these to the different books, without a single 
 observation of my own. 
 
 All this was most hastily done; for I was so intensely 
 engaged on the subject that originally carried me to the 
 British Museum, that I attended there every day as soon as 
 the doors were open, nor left the reading or print room 
 
57 
 
 till they closed. After that hour, I Avas rummaging at 
 booksellers, turning- over portfolios of engravings at print- 
 sellers, or extracting in private libraries ; carrying each 
 day's labour to Camden Town, and there arranging and 
 Avriting till bed-time. What I did to the Apoc. IN . Test. 
 was at hours stolen from sleep, and when fatigued by the 
 avocations I have alluded to. Upon these the idea of the 
 apocryphal volume was altogether an interpolation, and I 
 trifled with it mechanically, as an impertinence.* When 
 it was somewhat more than half through the press, I was 
 obliged to leave London for Brighton at a few hours' 
 notice, and there, while engaged on a far diffbrent subject 
 from either that, or the undertaking which occasioned my 
 visit to the British Museum, I corrected the remaining 
 proofs as they Avere sent to me from town by the printer. 
 It was necessary to say something by way of preface, and 
 this, which every one knows is that part of a work 
 usually left till the last, I at the last moment hurried 
 together. Having heard and read that the books of the 
 New Testament were collected into a volume, and settled 
 at the council of Nice, I stated that it was so affirmed ; 
 and, viewing the circumstances under which that council 
 proceeded to its deliberations, and the deliberations them- 
 selves, with little respect, I spoke accordingly. The 
 opinions of biblical critics concerning Jude and one or two 
 other books in the New Testament, persuaded me that the 
 council might have erred by including them. Archbishop 
 Wake's preliminary discourse further persuaded me that, 
 
 * The haste M'itli wliioli the Apocrjphal New Testament was put 
 together, is evident. In liie first edition, " the Order of all the Books" 
 omits to mention the Gospel of Nicodcmus. At the end of the volume, 
 in Table II. (Art. ix. column 3,) the words " as hereafter will appear" 
 have obviously no relation to the work, and arc a gross blunder. In the 
 i. Corinthians, two chapters are numbered alike as chap. vii. In'ii. Corin- 
 thians, chap. 1, an exposition of Clemens Alexandrinus is iucorporatcd 
 as part of the Epistle of Clemens Romanus, Sec. 
 
5S 
 
 if the Epistle of Darnabas were genuine, the council 
 nii"lit have erred by omitting it ; and, in truth, I was erring 
 myself, from presuming, on a general impression, that the 
 council of Nice had any thing to do with the canon. It is 
 reasonable to imagine that, as I had Jones's work, 1 had read 
 it, and that of course such notions must have been corrected, 
 but to this I oppose the simple fact that I did not read it. 
 From the time that I tore out the Gospels for the printer, 
 and rushed through the pages relating to them, for the 
 purpose of extracting matter for the introductions, I never 
 looked at tlie mutilated volumes of Jones again. At 
 Brighton, remote fiom all books, with only a transcript 
 or two from Jortin, Moshe'm, and Porson, that I thrust 
 into my pocket on leaving town, I put together the 
 preface, and did not arrive in London till more than 
 a week after the volume thus concluded had been pub- 
 lished. Perusal of the book will show, what I beg to re- 
 peat, that, so far from its conferring the least consequence 
 on any one of the Gospels, the praise which Jones quotes 
 from certain authors in order to refute, and which a fautor 
 of fraud would have extracted, is not given in a single 
 instance. I confined myself entirely to the naming of some 
 early writers who mentioned the books, for the mere pur- 
 pose of shewing that they were of early origin. That is 
 tlie higlicst aim of my introductions, which were drawn 
 up so rapidly, and with so much indifierence, that the 
 omissions of early authorities for their antiquity are by no 
 means few. The whole of these introductions, had I 
 commenced them as a summer-day's task, I could have exe- 
 cuted with ease between sunrise and sunset. In short the 
 volume was edited, if this can be called editing, by me, and 
 me alone, without concert, aid, or communication with 
 any one ; and, under the disadvantages 1 have stated, it was 
 in the hands of the public within six weeks from the time I 
 
59 
 
 began it. This is the real history of the Apocryphal New 
 Testament. 
 
 Concerning- the books themselves, *' whoever," says 
 Archdeacon Butler, " i^ at the pains of examining- these 
 apocryphal writings, cannot but be struck with their 
 amazing inferiority to the canonical books." This was my 
 opinion Avhen I compiled the volume ; nor did I imagine, 
 nor do I now think, that any person can possibly en- 
 tertain the least favourable notion of the apocryplial 
 Gospels in comparison with the genuine Gospels. Be- 
 cause I cannot express my own unequivocal meaning 
 better, I adopt the language of the Archdeacon to affirm 
 my sincere belief, that, " as to the internal evidence 
 for the truth of these gospels, they are in themselves so 
 childish and absurd^ so contradictory to all our ideas of the 
 divine attributes, so derogatory to the majesty of the 
 Deity, so totally unedifying for any purposes of religious, 
 or moral, or social life, so undoctrinal and unconsolatory, 
 that they carry their own confutation with them; and can 
 never gain credit with any person of sober sense or judg- 
 ment." I have explained pretty fully why I published 
 them, and I may add that my inclination to " subjects of 
 learned curiosity, without any other end than the pleasure 
 of reflecting- on ancient customs, or on the industry with 
 which studious men have endeavoured to recover them," 
 blinded me to the liers-in-wait who have since assailed me. 
 As justly may Mr. Archdeacon Butler be charged with 
 jacobinism and popery, because lie translated Lucien Buo- 
 naparte's Epic Poem, with a dedication by the author 
 to " His Holiness Pope Pius VII.," as "notorious infide- 
 lity" be charged on me because I edited the Apocryphal 
 New Testament. 
 
 "Notorious infidelity!" Yes; the Quarterly reviewer 
 endeavours finally to affix on me that stigma. In his very 
 first paragraph he adverts to what he chooses to call my 
 
GO 
 
 '' escape" from the prosecutions against me for the paro- 
 dies ; and, by affirming- that he "should not be justified in 
 expressing a suspicion that the jury had pre\ iously resolved 
 to acquit this man," he, in fact, expresses it. I cannot, 
 from the event, presume that my juries had previously 
 resolved to convict ; but, if ever efforts were made to 
 prejudice a man under accusation before the issue Avas to 
 be tried, those efforts were made throughout the country 
 against me. Previous to the informations being filed, the 
 case was prejudged by theatrical exhibitions and violent 
 speeches in parliament. From that time until they were 
 determined, during an interval of nine months, I was held 
 up to general execration. The mighty hunters for trans- 
 lation, and the meanest poachers for preferment, all such 
 orders of holy orders, furnished forth vessels of wrath. If 
 the clergy in general could have been converted to such a 
 use, the parish pulpits of England might have become 
 
 " ten (lioiisanJ casks 
 
 For ever dribbling out Uicir base contents," — Cowper; 
 
 and then, indeed, the vehement inflammation of the public 
 mind, from a general distribution of unrectified spirit, 
 might have rendered my " escape" impossible. At St. 
 Paul's cathedral the official preacher of an official sermon, 
 denounced me from the pulpit as an object of condemnation 
 to my future judges, who, Avith the corporation of London, 
 and its officers, were officially present. Is it not to be 
 wondered that juries could be found in the metropolis 
 uninfluenced by feelings to my prejudice? Yet these were 
 the methods resorted to, while the Attorney-General was 
 proceeding against me at the crown office ; and when I was 
 destitute of means to employ either solicitor or counsel. 
 Within a week after I was charged with the three ex 
 officio informations, I wrote concerning the prosecutions 
 thus: " I despise the aspersion, and will refute it. This 
 
61 
 
 I pledge myself to do, and to doit triumphantly, to the 
 confusion and dismay of my enemies."* A fortniglit after- 
 wards I renewed the pledge with this observation : '' 1 
 must be allowed to choose my time and place for doing 
 it ; but I will do it, and, I repeat it, to the confusion and 
 dismay of my enemies. "+ Five months elapsed, and then 
 I thought it necessary to say " The Parodies formerly 
 published by me, I may, perhaps, be allowed to repeat, I 
 always considered as mere political squibs, and nothing 
 else. It is now (October, 1817,) two years and a half since 
 I commenced to publish ; in the course of which time I 
 have issued upwards of one hundred and thirty pieces, 
 chiefly of my own production. Not a week has elapsed 
 during that period, without my having compiled or written 
 something ; but whether it were prose or verse, or 
 
 * • grave, or gay, or lively, or severe,' 
 
 I console myself with the reflection that, amidst all 1 
 have put on paper, there is 
 
 * Not one immoral, one indecent thought, 
 One lino which, dying, I would wish to blot.' 
 
 Nor can there be found a single paragraph, or even sen- 
 tence, of a profane or irreligious tendency in any of my 
 publications. With a lively conception of wit, and an 
 irresistible propensity to humour, I have likewise so pro- 
 found a regard for the well-being of society, and so great 
 •A reverence for public morals, that I know of no tempta- 
 tion capable of inducing me to pen a line injurious to social 
 happiness, or offensive to private virtue. "J: I pray that 
 
 * Reformists' Register, (8th May, 1817,) vol. i. page 500. 
 
 t Ibid. (24th May,) p. 558. 
 
 t Reformists' Kt'sisttr, ('ioth Oct, 1817,) vol. ii- p. 430. 
 
62 
 
 tluM may be taken as part of my present answer ; and 1 
 add, with added solemnity, if it bo possible, that, for the 
 suppression of anything- I ever wrote or contemplated, or 
 for the commission of any act at variance with the senti- 
 ments I have just re-affirnied, the world is not rich enough 
 to present to me 
 
 a bribe, sufficient to requite 
 
 The loss of peace by day, of sleep by niglit.' 
 
 The time came for the redemption of my pledge to the 
 public. On the morning of the 18th December, 1817, 
 the first of three remarkable days that will never be 
 blotted from my calendar, I rushed from my wife and 
 children in bitter agony, leaving them sorrowing and 
 hopeless of seeing me repass the threshold of their home — 
 a home no more to them, if I could not defeat the powers 
 then gathering themselves in Guildhall for my destruction. 
 At that moment, or at any time before, I might have fled. 
 I was in no custody, and no one was under recognizances; 
 that I should appear ; but the charges were untrue, 
 and I loved truth too well to fly from falsehood. The 
 advocates against me were able and eloquent, and the 
 judgment-seat was occupied by talent and experience. 
 The archers shot at me, but I climbed beyond their reach. 
 I stood upon truth as a rock of sure defence; and from that 
 vantage ground I refused to be forced or enticed. 
 
 Early in my first day's defence, I referred to the numcr 
 reus pieces I had published, the greater part written by 
 myself; and, addressing the attorney-general, assured him 
 that if, in any one of those pieces, he could lay his finger 
 on a single sentence of a profane or irreligious nature, or 
 tending to degrade or bring religion into contempt, I would 
 refrain from uttering another word iii my defence. I 
 appealed to my jury whether either of them had ever read 
 a line of such a tendency in any of my publications. Ad- 
 
63 
 
 dressing the assembled hearers in court, I solicited and 
 defied any individual present who knew a fact of the kind, 
 or even anything that I had said or done that could be so 
 interpreted, to stand forth instantly and testify it. Impressed 
 hy the most solemn feelings, "You will not," I observed 
 to the jury, "hear me say one word that I do not utter 
 from my heart and from perfect conviction. It is of little 
 consequence whether I am a member of the established 
 church or dissent from it : it is enough tliat I am a Chris- 
 tian, and I make the declaration with a reverence for 
 Christianity not to be exceeded by any person in this 
 court." In my third day's defence, referring to the extreme 
 depression under which I had laboured at the commence- 
 ment from illness and debility, produced by the two former 
 days' exertions and long previous anxiety, I could not 
 forbear from thus expressing astonishment at the resusci- 
 tation of my faculties : — "If Providence ever interfered for 
 the protection of the w eak and the defenceless, that inter- 
 ference is most surely manifested in my case. It has inter- 
 posed to protect me, a destitute and helpless man, from 
 the rage and malice of my enemies. I can attribute my 
 defence to no other agency, for 1 am weak and incapable, 
 and at this moment I am a wonder unto myself." So im- 
 pressed, I proceeded to observe, " There is nothing can 
 crush me but my own sense of doing wrong ; the moment I 
 feel it, I fall down in self-abasement before my accusers: 
 but when I have done no w rong, when I know I am right) 
 I am as a strong man armed, and in this spirit I now wage 
 battle with the attorney-general." During the three days 
 that I contended against what was wrongfully urged by my 
 prosecutors, or interposed to my disadvantage by the pre- 
 siding judges, 1 used no arls, no feints, no devices, I was 
 no orator; I was nothing but an innocent man. Had I 
 known myself otherwise, I must have been speechless. 
 The three successive verdicts of tliree ditfcrent juries were 
 1 
 
C4 
 
 not obtained by me; l)ut, through me, riglit ootained a 
 victory over wrong. 
 
 Never from that hour has a word escaped my pen or lips, 
 either publicly or privately, in dishonour or dispraise of 
 any individual opposed to me. I buried my resentments 
 in the grave of the prosecutions ; I even hallowed the ashes 
 of the slain, by not exulting in the conquest. But the for- 
 giveness of enemies was a principle not comprehended by 
 mine. While laid at my feet by the blows they had sus- 
 tained from my single hand, they charged me with weak- 
 ness and incapacity, because I did not spittle on them. 
 They now impugn the integrity of my juries, whom I knew 
 not, nor saw till they were in the jury-box, and in whom I 
 so little confided, that, a week before, I had moved the 
 court to set them aside. They call my success an "escape:" 
 1 call it an instance of the power of truth upon the human 
 heart and understanding; an exemplification of a golden 
 rule taught to me in my childhood, that " Honesty is the 
 best policy." They suggest that the declarations which, 
 under the most awful persuasion, and in the sincerity of 
 my heart, I made on ray trials, were untrue. The impu- 
 tation of ineligion has been revived upon me through 
 every channel that would convey calumny. I have been 
 
 " (raduccd by men 
 
 Who nciiher knew my faculties or person," 
 
 till undersized minds, sitting in judgment upon a bare 
 allegation, without proof, pronounce falsehood to be fact; 
 and *' Ignorance itself is a plummet o'er me." 
 
 From the day that I publicly solicited and challenged 
 njy prosecutors, my jurymen, and every individual in court, 
 to adduce a single line or saying of mine, tending in the 
 least degree to degrade religion ; from that hour to this, 
 neither did or could any one, not even the most vindictive 
 of my enemies, in their fiercest heats, bring a fact of the 
 
63 
 
 sort against me. Until within the Ijist eighteen months, I 
 have carried on the business of a publisher and bookseller 
 in the house I still occupy, in the heart of London, and in 
 the most public thoroughfare; and, during that period, 
 when the press was teeming with such productions, I ask 
 whether any of the nature I allude to came from me? I 
 dare and defy the proof of a sentiment of that kind, 
 either penned or published by me, or of any article of such 
 a tendency having been sold or issued by any person in my 
 employment. My conduct has been the reverse. In the 
 beginning of 1821, I put forth the " Spirit of Despotism^* 
 the most able political work, upon Christian principles, in 
 existence. I selected it as best calculated to counteract 
 the erroneous representations of religion, contained in va- 
 rious cheap political publications, that were circulating 
 throughout the country; and I printed fifteen thousand 
 copies at the first stroke, as an eighteen-penny pamphlet.* 
 Few have been able to render so important a service to 
 society as the rescue of the " Spirit of DespotisnV from the 
 oblivion it was doomed to by its excellent author. For 
 this act alone, it may be affirmed of me' that I have not 
 lived in vain ; and I refer it to the consideration of the 
 reader, whether a publication, better adapted than any other 
 in the English language to difiuse Christian principles with 
 political information, would be printed at the lowest pos- 
 sible price, for the most extensive circulation, by a person 
 opposed to the extension of those principles. If it be ob- 
 jected that it was the speculation of a bookseller, I answer, 
 first, that, had my object been profit, I should have printed 
 
 * The cif;litccii-pr-nny rdilion oflhc Spirit of Despotism I sold to Mr. 
 Walling, 409, Sliaiii!, (next the Adclphi 'J'heatie,) of wliom it may 
 still be hnd. 
 
 Before the piibliralinn of tlie Spirit of Desjwtism, I was not aware that 
 it was writlen I)j' Dr. A'^ieesimus Knox, wilh whom I idicrwards had an 
 interview on llie siiltject. His reasons for su|)pressin4' llie hr)oi< ()ii;;in;i!Jy 
 are related in my jirefacc to a superior (clilii.'ii, which I reeenlly pni)hshcd, 
 in an octavo voiufrie, that it miglvt lake its place asncng our standard 
 literature. 
 
60 
 
 it In an'Impof?ing volume ; secondly, tliat I never specu- 
 hited in any thing opposed to my own sentiments ; thirdly, 
 that I view those who oppose Christianity as opposed to 
 an indestructible scheme of happiness, which in its benefi- 
 cent progress embraces individuals, and in its final ac- 
 complishment will include the whole human race ; and, 
 fourthly, that I regard Christianity, not as a patent of pri- 
 vilege to a few, but a grant to all — as the Great Charter 
 of mankind, defining all rights; prescribing all duties; pro- 
 hibiting all wrong; proscribing all violence. Upon it every 
 thing that is beneficial or permanent in society is founded : 
 without it, the advocates and supporters of public liberty 
 can'neither at tainmore nor maintain w hat they have. 
 
 1 was brought up in religious habits, but these are sur- 
 faces, not principles. They were w orn off by circumstances 
 in early youth, when " chewing the cud of sweet and bitter 
 fancy" I "wondered at the world and at myself, and 
 theory after theory arose as the waves, weltering and dis- 
 appearing. Ardently seeking for truth, I conversed with 
 books rather than men, and hewed out principles as I could, 
 " here a little and there a little." It is said, that " many 
 persons commence religious at first, they don't know why, 
 and with a blind zeal persist in a religion which is they 
 know not what."* I am not among that number ; for it 
 was by patient researcli and painful process that I ar- 
 rived at that clear evidence for the truth of Christianity, 
 which, if sincerely and diligently sought, is found to be 
 irresistible. My religion is the religion of the New Tes- 
 tament. As taught and exemplified by Christ himself, it is 
 the perfection of all knowledge, " which is, and which 
 was, and which is to come." It is infinite wisdom. It is 
 a pure principle, a mental illumination, which, however 
 dimmed by the cares and conflicts of the w orld, shines out 
 
 * Jones on the Cauoii, vol. i. p. 14. 
 
67 
 
 in the solitude of the closet, when the eye turns inward. 
 A sregards conduct in life, it is the being held in a bond to 
 do justice, love mercy, and practise universal charity. There 
 is no release from this obligation, though the disregard 
 of it is a sti mbling-block to thousands, whose conceptions 
 of Christianity, being derived from the uncharitableness of 
 nominal Christians, disincline them to explore the springs 
 from whence vindictiveness and persecution seem to flow. 
 In the words of Erasmus, '* Christian charity extends itself 
 to all ; and he that does no hurt to any body though he be 
 bad, and would rejoice if he would grow better, in my opi- 
 nion, loves all as becomes a Christian to do." 
 
 But it is time to conclude. My wish to be understood 
 has occasioned some of my statements to seem long, yet, 
 from desire to be brief, much of reflection has been with- 
 held. I have been as temperate as I could, but, whether 
 as temperate as I ought, others must determine. The re- 
 marks concerning Mr. Archdeacon Butler and Mr. Rennell 
 are in correction of their misconceptions, not in viol ation 
 of their feelings. I by no means class these gentlemen 
 with the Quarterly reviewer; concerning whom, " if what 
 has been strongly felt has been strongly expressed, and if, 
 before the occasional warmth of my language be chal- 
 lenged, the violence and injustice which 1 have to repel })e 
 examined, I shall not, in this instance at least, be alarmed 
 at the result."* To have forborne from writing altoge- 
 ther, would have been agreeable to me ; but when a sort 
 of exultation is manifested, as though I had nothing to say, 
 I am not willing that a false and insolent triumph should 
 be accorded to the Quarterly reviewer at my expence. If 
 his arts succeeded in deceiving the credulous, they are 
 now exposed; and they who will blame rne for not having 
 done this sooner, may perhaps regret, that they had not 
 exercised a little discrimination before they so readily pro- 
 
 * Mr. GiJlbrd's Life oi Joiisuii, p. ccxiv. 
 
68 
 
 nounced against me. Believing- that part of his frauds 
 Mould be as apparent to others as all of them were to me, 
 1 little suspected that his loud summons to surrender 
 would frighten men out of the use of their faculties. On 
 sitting down to the volume on Mysteries, I relinquished 
 the purpose I have here resumed and executed, and de- 
 stroyed the memoranda I originally made relating to it. 
 Yet I am persuaded that there is enough on these pages to 
 accomplish my object ; and that, when the whereabout of 
 my existence shall be inquired of, not one act I have done 
 will be alleged, nor will a person who knew me be able to 
 testify, in behalf of the representations I have here sought 
 to refute. Then some will stand forth as witnesses to my 
 having possessed qualities that thoy denied me while I 
 lived, and others be forced to confess their ignorance of ray 
 character when they wantonly aspersed it. 
 
 TllE EJSDo 
 
ANOTHER ARTICLE 
 
 FOR 
 
 THE QUARTERLY REVIEW 
 
 BY 
 
 WILLIAM HONE 
 
 AUTHOR OF ASPERSIONS ANSWERED &c. 
 
 ' How long will a man lie i'thc earth ere he rot 1 ' 
 
 Shakspcare. 
 
 SECOND EDITION. 
 
 LONDON 
 
 PRINTED FOR WILLIAM HONE 
 45, LUDGATE HILL 
 
 1824 
 
 Sixpence. 
 
t. white, printer, 
 Johnson's court, fleet street. 
 
FOR 
 
 THE QUARTERLY REVIEW. 
 
 ' Plain truth, dear Munay, needs no flowers of speech. 
 So take it.' Pope. 
 
 A YOUNG hand at iniquity, detected in his tricks, applied to an 
 old practitioner for advice: Oh! said the hacknied sinner, 
 ride high, and lie hard and fast ; give your adversary the lie 
 direct; stick to it, and ride over him! Yes, answered the no- 
 vice, but what will people say ? Pho ! pho ! replied the other, 
 not one in a hundred will take the trouble to enquire who's 
 right ; and the rest will be on your side, if you bully well ! 
 The spirit of this counsel animates the Quarterly reviewer of 
 the Apocryphal New Testament, throughout his late defence (in 
 No. 60, August, 1824), against my pamphlet of February last, 
 entitled, Aspersions Answered. With the exception of his arti- 
 cle on the Apocryphal New Testament, which 1 answered, 
 point by point, in that pamphlet, I do not remember so 
 llagrant an instance of critical fraud as his reply. His policy 
 was silence ; but his sufferings, from the exposure of his dis- 
 honesty, blind him to his interest; and the falsifications by j 
 which he seeks to relieve himself, impose upon me the neces- 
 sity of laying bare his new imposture. 
 
 The reviewer says of Aspersions Answered, that it * is writ- 
 ten in a spirit of the most vulgar and contemptible ferocity.^ 
 
No man can be deemed an impartial judge of his own case, 
 and therefore I pronounce no opinion upon his assertion : but 
 I know that vindictiveness forms no part of my character ; and 
 I appeal from the charge o{ ferocity to those who do me the 
 justice to read the pamphlet. Tt is remarkable, as an illustra- 
 tion of his own spirit, that he concludes his allegation oi fero- 
 city by affecting to congratulate himself, that the time, * hap- 
 pily, appears so distant,' when my ferocious disposition ' can 
 hope for the same freedom of actioii as of words, that the im- 
 plied menace at the conclusion of the tirade, towards the indi- 
 vidual supposed to be the writer of the article on the Apocry- 
 phal New Testament, is simply ludicrous.' This, is an intima- 
 tion, that I contemplated to become his assassin. If he put 
 forth the insinuation knowing that it was unfounded, how much 
 less is his malignity than that of the spiritual-court-men, whose 
 chains and flames bound the bodies and devoured the blood of 
 the innocent, in the days of cruelty ? My answer to the brutal 
 imputation is scornful silence. What each has written is be- 
 fore enlightened readers, and they will decide between us. 
 
 ' llie exposure of a bold bad man,' says my adversary, 
 ' and the detection of ignorance and falsehood, are actions 
 which can cause no shame, and require no concealment.' Thus 
 he answers to my accusation, that he sheltered his reputation, 
 from the consequences of his dishonesty, by keeping close 
 within the covers of the Quarterly. I refer to my pam- 
 phlet for j^roof that the falsehoods he charged upon me, were 
 slanderous inventions by himself to traduce me. Does that 
 exposition of such nefarious arts * cause no shame' in 
 him r Oh yes '. I charge upon him that he feels un- 
 quenchable shame, from his perfect conviction, that the de- 
 % liberate falsehoods I accused him of, I completely proved 
 upon him ; and, that his shame is immeasurably increased, by 
 his knowledge of the appalling fact, that, in the minds of all 
 his public and private friends, who have fully acquainted them- 
 selves with the controversy between us, he stands condemned, 
 
though in mercy to him they do not give their verdict pub- 
 licly. I charge upon him further, that, he unhappily knows, his 
 guilt does * require concealment ;' and that, for that reason, 
 and that reason alone, he contitmes his * concealment/ I 
 charge upon him, that, during six months of undetermined pur- 
 pose and fitful resolve, from the moment his aspersions were 
 irrefutably answered by my pamphlet, he braved the browings 
 of the honourable, till now, that, in an evil hour, he a^ain ' uses 
 the Quarterly for a mask,' and, with ' a double tongue within 
 that mask,' he, in the vain hope of concealing his former false- 
 hoods, emits new falsehoods. So necessary did he, and does he, 
 deem * concealment' to his purposes, 
 
 ' But,' says the reviewer, * it is well worthy of the sagacity 
 of this pamphleteer, to accuse his adversary of aiming at noto- 
 riety, and hunting after church-preferment, and, yet, of endea- 
 vouring to throw a cloak of secrecy round his name and actions !' 
 If 1 had accused my adversary ' of aiming at notoriety,' my 
 ' sagacity' might, indeed, have been questioned. I answer, that, I 
 did not ; and his allegation that I did, is a trick, ingeniously 
 devised as a convenient mode of proving that I had stultified 
 myself. Nor did I accuse him of ' hunting after church-pre- 
 ferment.' I said that he enjoyed it : I said, too, * he is a Divine — 
 he may become a Christian.' Himself, alone, has dreamed that 
 he may * add Right Reverend to his honored name !' — to that 
 name which, he knows, I earnestly and vainly sought, by writ- 
 ten application, to obtain from his paymasters ; that name, 
 which he, through the medium of his near connections, well 
 knows I was acquainted with, long before I published my pam- 
 phlet ; that name, which, in kindness to those connections, he 
 knows, or ought to know, I promised to conceal, and will con- 
 ceal ; and wlwch, I know, after this publication, he will no 
 more dare to avow than he will dare to eat his own flesh. I 
 defy him to throw the ' cloak of secrecy' from around a ' 7iame 
 and actions,' that call aloud for midnight sables to shroud his 
 soul-burning delinquency ! 
 
6 
 
 I shall now examine and finally dispose oi ail the reviewer's 
 allegations. I said in my pamphlet, the reviewer of the 
 Apocryphal New Testament informs his readers, that * I am 
 " a poor illiterate creature, far too ignorant to have any share 
 in the composition" of the work.' I merely cited this, with- 
 out remark, as one, among other specimens of his abuse. He 
 now pretends, that I put it forth as * a great accusation of 
 base attack upon my literary reputation ;' and, because I 
 omitted his introductory words (which I place here in Italics) 
 * he is represented to us as a poor illiterate creature, &,c.' he 
 says I ' garbled ' his passage ; and that * this charge the pam- 
 phleteer cannot state with any regard to truth — we know 
 nothing of Mr. Hone beyond his publications ; Heaven forbid 
 we should! we wrote professedly as knowing nothing — the 
 statement we gave was, and is generally credited;' and then he 
 declares that he prefers the assertion of ' common rumour,' to 
 the contrary of my affirmation, viz. that the Apocryphal New 
 Testament was edited by myself alone. His preference is not 
 surprising : the character of * common rumour' is proverbial, 
 and his association with it is natural. But, when the reviewer 
 wrote ' he is represented to us as a poor illiterate creature, 
 far too ignorant to have any share in the composition of the 
 work ;' did he not, obviously, require it to be believed that I 
 was a * poor illiterate creature, far too ignorant to have any 
 share in the composition of the work ? ' He did not then state, 
 that his authority was 'common rumour;' upon the value of 
 which his readers might determine. Was it too much for 
 them to suppose, that, before he wrote, ' he is represented 
 to us as a poor illiterate creature,' he had made some in- 
 quiry upon the subject ? Is a man of rectitude accustomed to 
 give implicit credit, and extensive publicity, to ' common ru- 
 mour?' The reviewer's indignation that I did not state his 
 words, ' he is represented to us,' is a gladiatorial feint. They 
 are words significant of information resulting from private in- 
 quiry ; and his affirmation that I urged against him, as ' a great 
 
accusation of base attack upon my literary reputation' that he 
 called me ' a poor illiterate creature,' is a paltry perversion — a 
 mean falsehood. 
 
 * The next charge,' says the reviewer, ' is, that we re- 
 proached him for having produced for his own purposes, some 
 wretched forgeries ascribed to St. Jerome, as genuine, when 
 Fabricius had already exposed the imposture. This clear 
 logician thinks that he has convicted us here of wilful false- 
 hood, " for," says he, " I cannot read Latin, and could not, 
 therefore, know what Fabricius said.'" The reviewer then 
 inquires how, unless he had known that fact ' by divination,' 
 he was liable to a charge of falsehood. He calmly observes, 
 ' the impudence of this defence is really beyond belief; Fabri- 
 cius is quoted in the Apocryphal New Testament as often as 
 it suits the purposes of the flagitious editor, without a hint 
 that the veracious personage was unable to consult him,' 8cc. 
 Will any one credit, that a representation, so rife with appella- 
 tions reprobatory of ' falsehood' and * impudence,' is itself 
 sheer fraud ? Thus it is : in the Introduction to the Gospel 
 of the Infancy (Apoc. N. Test. p. 21.) I remarked that a 
 gospel of Thomas, used in the East, was taken for this gospel, 
 and that ' Fabricius takes it to be this gospel.' This incidental 
 mention of Fabricius, for I mentioned him once only, the re- 
 viewer amplifies into a statement, intended to convey the im- 
 pression, that I had quoted Fabricius frequently — his words 
 being, * Fabricius is quoted in the Apocryphal New Testa- 
 ment as often as it suits the purposes of the flagitious editor!' 
 He affirms, still more falsely, that I avowed my unacquaint- 
 ance with Latin, in answer to his charge that I had produced 
 forgeries ascribed to Jerome, which Fabricius had exposed. 
 It is true that, when reviewing the Apocryphal New Tes- 
 tament, he said, that Fabricius had declared the alleged for- 
 geries were forgeries; but, as he also said, that Fabricius 
 had ' stated the fact for me,' and yet, in a few lines afterwards, 
 
declared, that ' 1 had not consulted one origmal source of in- 
 formation, and had derived even my slender knowledge of 
 collectors at second hand/ it was clear, y>om his oion represen- 
 tation, that I could not have read Fabricius ; and, hence, I re- 
 marked * such reviewers as mine should have good memories: 
 Fabricius stated the fact for me ■' Not upon the reviewer's 
 showing, but upon my own declaration, I hope it will be 
 -believed, that 1 had not read that author: Fabricus is in 
 Latin, and I am not ashamed to own that I cannot read hina/ 
 But the reviewer, contemning the inconsistency I imputed to 
 him, says, ' The pamphleteer, imagining that Fabricius is 
 an original work accuses us here of inconsistency, 'in saying 
 that he had read it, and yet that he had not recourse to any 
 original source of information !* Stay, stay ; the words in his 
 article on the Apocryphal New Testament do not end so. 
 In that there is the conjunction * and/ after the word * in- 
 formation :' his passage runs thus, ' zmthout having consulted 
 one original saurce of information, and deriving even his 
 slender knowledge o/" Collectors at second hand* So that 
 the coaxing note of admiration (!) at the word * information^ 
 in \{\s present article, was a full stop upon Xhe further 'infor- 
 mation,' which he had presented his readers with, in his 
 former article, namely, that I had derived even my * slender 
 knowledge of CoijhECTORS at second hand!' His ' inconsistency' 
 is fixed upon him by the latter words ; and his concealment that 
 he had used them, is a disgraceful artifice to escape from the 
 charge. I will not lay down my pen till I have shown, that 
 every point of his attack, or defence, throughout his present 
 article, is at least equally fraudulent. 
 
 It may be remembered, that in < Aspersions Answered,' 
 particular mention is made of three letters ; one, purporting to 
 be from the Bishops Chromatins and Heliodorus, to Jerome, 
 with a request that he would translate the Gospel of Mary; 
 and the other two, purporting to be from him to them, assent- 
 
9 
 
 ing to their request. The reviewer of the Apocryphal New 
 Testament said these letters were declared forgeries by several 
 learned men, and that I could not be ignorant that they were 
 forgeries, because * Jones himself, whose book was never out 
 of the editor's (my) hands, subscribes to the expressions of 
 these eminent writers.' In answer to this, 1 said < Jones does 
 not subscribe to their expressions. Jones says, " Perhaps 
 those epistles may be supposititious ;" but, for the opinion that 
 they are, he instantly declares, " I am not able yet to see that 
 clear evidence which the writers last mentioned pretend." Is 
 this subscribing to their expressions ?' Having put that ques- 
 tion, 1 proceeded to observe, that Jones expressed his * dis- 
 sent' in words so marked and unequivocal, that the reviewer 
 could not mistake it for subscription ; but subscription suiting 
 the reviewer's purpose better than dissent, he preferred the 
 fraud to the truth.' The reviewer is mightily shocked at such 
 a remark from a * poor illiterate creature,' upon whom he had 
 poured his virulence like water, and whom he had called a 
 ' wretch !' * We are amazed at the audacity !' No, he was 
 not; I had proved his fraud, and he should have written — zee 
 were panic-struck at the detection! * He ventures in the most 
 outrageous terms to revile us,' What a daring offence to 
 * our' critical majesty ! ' However, we are well assured,' says 
 the reviewer, * that, as far as we are concerned, no defence 
 can be necessary ! ' Very stately, but untrue : because he 
 actually goes into a ' defence,' and, in exculpation, quotes this 
 passage from Jones (vol. ii. p. 132), ' I know, indeed, that 
 learned men have generally agreed to reject these epistles as 
 not being Jerome's : thus Sixtus Senensis, Coke, Rivet, Cave, 
 and others of this sort of writers, to zohom \v I should in this 
 point subscribe ; yet, as I dare venture to say, the letters are 
 very ancient, so it is not likely that the author of them would 
 venture on a forgery of such a fact in which every one would 
 be able to confute him.' It is the reviewer's opinion, that 
 ' both' before I published the Apocryphal New Testament, 
 
10 
 
 and before my pamphlet, 1 must have seen this passage in 
 Jones ' a thousand times.' How many times I saw it I do 
 not remember, and I will not quarrel with him about two oi- 
 three cyphers in the number, but I saw it ; and what is its 
 purport? In Jones's passage, the clause, * to whom if I should 
 in this point subscribe,' is hypothetical — an admission for the 
 sake of the argument : it is no more, although the reviewer 
 chooses to pervert Jones's dubious * if I should subscribe' 
 into ' an express declaration' that he did subscribe. The re- 
 viewer says, * having found an express declaration from that 
 writer (Jones) on the point, zee certainly did not suspect that 
 in another part of the work, not connected with the gospel of 
 Mary, he varied somewhat from his former opinion.' The 
 passage wherein he affirms Jones to have * varied somewhat,' 
 is that which I adduced against the reviewer thus, 'Jones says, 
 *' perhaps those Epistles may be supposititious," but, for the 
 opinion that they are, he instantly declares " I am not able yet 
 to see that clear evidence which the writers last mentioned 
 pretend."' Then Jones immediately refers to who these 
 
 * writers last mentioned' were; he says ' see Obs. IV.' and his 
 *Obs. IV.' is the very passage with the ' if now cited by the 
 reviewer as ' an express declaration' that Jones subscribes to 
 the opinions of those writers.' Aye! but * we did not suspect 
 that in another part of the work, not connected with the gospel 
 of Mary, he varied somezDhat from his former opinion.' This 
 is mere prevarication ; for so far from having * varied some- 
 what' from the former passage, Jones actually recognizes the 
 very doubt in it, that his * if expressed, by saying * I am not 
 able yet to see that clear evidence which the last mentioned 
 writers pretend.' What words can express his meaning more 
 plainly ? Suppose, however, that he really had ' varied some- 
 what,' which I deny, and that this variation were to be found 
 
 * in another part of the work 7iot connected with the gospel of 
 Mary.' What then ? The passage which the reviewer pre- 
 tends to have ' varied somewhat,' is only eleven pages beyond 
 
11 
 
 the former passage ; and, though he unblushmgly impresses it 
 on his readers, that it is in a part * not connected zvith the 
 gospel of Mary, ^ yet it is in a chapter which Jones (vol. ii. 
 p. ]43.) especially denotes an inquiry concerning the author of 
 * the Gospel of Mary,' and in the very midst of his disserta- 
 tio7is upon that gospel. Having, in my former pamphlet, 
 proved the falsehood of the reviewer's declaration, that Jones 
 subscribed to the opinions of previous writers respecting these 
 alleged forgeries, I have here re-proved it. I have likewise 
 proved that the reviewer's attempted exculpation is further 
 inculpation, and that he aggravates his first offence by the 
 crime, and effrontery, of further fraud. 
 
 Some eighteen years ago, I heard a member in the House 
 of Commons deliver a long speech, with much arithmetical 
 detail, to show an error of several millions in some accounts 
 upon the table; but a short counter-speech, of a plain state- 
 ment or two, convinced the house, and the honourable member, 
 that himself was in error : nothing discomfited, however, 
 he arose once more, and affirmed that he could not make his 
 opponent's figures right by some few thousands, though he had 
 i cast them up ;' the reply he received, amidst laughter on one 
 side, and holding down of heads on the other, was, ' Perhaps the 
 honourable member had better cast them down^ The anecdote 
 illustrates the reviewer's conduct respecting the gospel of 
 Mary ; a book, concerning which, in connection with Jones's 
 name, I clearly demonstrated he had ignorantly misconceived, 
 and fraudulently misrepresented so much, that his revertal to it 
 bespeaks insanity. He persists, however, in pretending to 
 believe that the present gospel of Mary is not the ancient 
 Apocryphal gospel under that name, but a forgery of it. With 
 his belief, however, 1 have nothing to do, but he chooses, still, 
 to force upon his readers, that Jones declares it to be a forgery 
 I am perfectly aware of the sort of person I have to deal with, 
 and therefore, setting him aside altogether, I desire to inform 
 l)is readers, that, in answer to the foulest charges of dishonesty 
 
12 
 
 urged against me by the reviewer, concerning that gospel, 1 
 incontestably proved, that Jones did not treat it as a forgery of 
 the old gospel, but as that gospel itself ' still extant;* that he 
 excluded it from his discussions and collections respecting the 
 books not extant ; that, incidentally mentioning it while treating 
 of the non-extant books, he said he should not there inquire 
 concerning it, because it was a book still extant 5 and that, ac- 
 cordingly, he placed it in that division of his work which con- 
 tained extant Apocryphal books alone. In answer to facts so 
 palpably against him, but, artfully taking the utmost care not to 
 mention one of them, the reviewer cites a passage, wherein 
 Jones states that * the ancient and present copies are not the 
 same, which is evident from the manifest contradictions 
 between them.' In this cited passage Jones means literally 
 what he so says, and no more; namely, that the ' copies are not 
 the same-' It is altogether a question of copies. On the discre- 
 pancies incident to manuscripts, this is not the place, nor 
 indeed is there a necessity for enlarging ; and therefore, refer- 
 ring to my former pamphlet, for a satisfactory repl^ to the 
 fatuitous stuff the reviewer brings forward in the shape of 
 answer to what I there said, regarding the gospel of Mary, I 
 have only to repeat my surprize that such a man should have 
 courted my further notice of him ; and especially as regards that 
 book. 
 
 Haifa page, a whole half-page of the Quarterly, is occupied 
 in wailing and reproach for my treatment of J erome, who, it seems, 
 is henceforth to have 'his usual title' and be ' St. Jerome/ The 
 reviewer is quite pettishbecause I wrote what he calls * vul- 
 garity against St. Jerome.' I believe I did Jerome no injus- 
 tice ; nor does the reviewer deny the saint's ill odour, though he 
 is angry that I conceived offence at it. But why did he thrust 
 his tainted father before me ? The reviewer admires his * ac- 
 knowledged purity and beauty of style,' and, without doubt, his 
 loguery too; but, as I have been accustomed to conceive dis- 
 honesty an emasculation of talent> it is not wonderful that I 
 
13 
 
 should estimate Jerome, with his splendid genius, little higher 
 than a stale fish in the dark. My adversary is right when 
 he alleges that ' St. Jerome was, according to my account, 
 capable of bad actions.' I certainly think he was ; for he was 
 guilty of them : and though the reviewer thought it wise to 
 conceal, yet he was enabled to add, from my references, that 
 Daille, Dupin, Jortin, and Dean Milner, furnished me with 
 the particulars that make up ' my account' of this saint's 
 peccability. < But this sagacious pamphleteer/ says my adver- 
 sary, * from internal consciousness we presume of the fact, 
 concludes that a bad man must be a weak one.' Giving the 
 reviewer's abuse, because it is no discredit to me, I answer 
 that I did not so assert in my pamphlet ; but, that, notwith- 
 standing it may double his sneer at my ' sagacity,' and, however, 
 from self-deception, he may imagine the contrary, I think every 
 ' bad man is a weak one.' I assigned my reasons for affirming 
 of Jerome, that he was capable of translating the spurious 
 gospel of Mary, and garbling it in the translation ; and the re- 
 viewer is, of all men, the least qualified, to induce a change in 
 that or any other opinion I entertain. 
 
 His next charge is, * The pamphleteer pleads guilty to the 
 next piece of dishonesty, of which we accused the editor of 
 the Apocryphal New Testament.' He ,of course publishes 
 my confession and contrition for the offence, in my own lan- 
 guage. No : not a syllable ! a forbearance which a plain fact 
 iiistantly accounts for — his assertion is false. His misrepre- 
 sentation alludes to my having presumed that several expres- 
 sions of the ancient fathers indicated that the Protevangelion 
 of James had obtained a very general credit in tiie Christian 
 world. How this arose is fully explained in my pamphlet, 
 (p. 31, and 32), from which explanation the reviewer has not 
 dared to quote a single word, inasmuch as the citation of any 
 one sentence would have been fatal to his base perversion of 
 my statements. 
 
 When reviewing the Apocryphal New Testament he piled 
 
14 
 
 fraud on fraud, till lie did not dare to hazard another, and then 
 affecting sudden horror at the book before him, he exclaimed, 
 * To penetrate deeper into the dark recesses of its falsehoods, 
 is a task, which we cannot inflict on ourselves/ In rebuking 
 this shameless trick, I said, (Asp. Ans. p. 33.) * the reviewer 
 artfully conceals, that two-ihirds of the Apocryphal New Tes- 
 tament are occupied by these pieces, (the Epistles of Clement, 
 Barnabas, Ignatius, and Polycarp, and the Shepherd of Her- 
 nias), all of them translated and published by Wake, Arch- 
 bishop of Canterbury, under the title of " the Genuine Epis- 
 tles of the Apostolical Fathers.'" Most carefully shunning 
 all quotation, he chooses to misrepresent what I said, in these 
 words. ' The pamphleteer now declares, that bei/ond the part 
 which we exposed, there remain only (p. 33), the Epistles 
 published by Wake, and he accuses us of artfully concealing 
 this fact, and thus trying to represent the last part of his book 
 as equally noxious with the first, while in fact it only con- 
 tained what had been already published by an Archbishop !' 
 Having thus counterfeited my charge, that he had concealed 
 that * two thirds of the Apocryphal New Testament were occu- 
 pied by Wake's Epistles,' into my having declared that,* beyond 
 the parts' which he had examined, * there remain only the 
 Epistles,' he next proceeds to show that the volume con- 
 tained some other pieces, and that, consequently, according to 
 such a showing, I had falsified. At last, to make the trick 
 pass, he slights, and calmly asks, * Is this poor creature in his 
 senses r' I forbear from comment. 
 
 Perhaps the reader is quite as wearied by the develop- 
 ment of these impostures as I am, and, therefore, for the re- 
 viewer's six Hues on my words, * I took " careful separation," 
 to mean " selection,"' which he terms * elegant phraseology ;' 
 and, for his seven lines, declining to prove that ' the word 
 question may be used instead of account, because to talk 
 to the pamphleteer would be to talk to an idiot;' for 
 these thirteen lints I refer to the Quarterly itself; and. 
 
15 
 
 for the refutation of their purpose, to the passages in the 
 pamphlet they profess to answer. I clear away thus, in order 
 to get immediately at the reverend reviewer's defence to the 
 charge I brought against him of Forgery. 
 
 It appears that the word 'Forgery,' is distasteful to him. 
 It was the word I used, but he carefully avoids it for a more 
 ' elegant phraseology' which runs thus. * The pamphleteer, 
 accuses us of quoting from his preface words not in it.' Ex- 
 actly so: and, that the matter may be clearly understood, the 
 paragraph of the Quarterly article on the Apocryphal New 
 Testament, which contains the Forgery is subjoined. 
 
 Extract from the Quarterly Review, Vol. xxv. p. Slg. 
 
 " It may be right to notice a preliminary objection which has always 
 been a favourite one with the infidel, and which is revived in the preface 
 to the work before us — namely, that they^who admit the body of Cano- 
 nical Scripture, as exhibited in the New Testament, are unable to name 
 the precise period at which it was received as such by the Christian 
 church, or to produce the decree of any council, in the first two centuries, 
 which affixes its sanction either to the present or any other Canon of 
 Scripture. As this is conceived to be a suflicient proof of the total un- 
 certainty of the Canon, many triumphantinferences are of course deduced 
 from it. * The whole story,' it is insinuated, ' may be an inaposture ; at 
 all events we may not have received the true and genuine history of it; 
 we can have no certain accounts of the doctrines promulgated by the first 
 teachers; and, indeed, the simple fact that no formal recognition of tlic 
 official documents took place, is of itself a very suspicious circumstance 
 and quite enough to cast an air of doubt over the whole transaction.' 
 What may be the justice of these inferences a very few remarks will 
 suffice to demonstrate, &c." 
 
 After I had inserted the preceding Extract from the Quar- 
 terly, (in Asp. Ans. p. 36.) I remarked thus : — * This is a 
 master stroke. In the above paragraph, the reviewer places a 
 sentence between inverted commas. The sentence begins on 
 the tenth line from the top of the paragraph, with the words 
 ' the whole story,' and ends the third line from the bottom, 
 with the words ' the whole transaction.' The inverted com- 
 
16 
 
 mas that he puts before the first and after the last words of 
 this sentence, denote it to be a quotation from my preface, 
 which he is discussing. This quoted sentence, which every 
 one who has read the Quarterly article, without referring to 
 the Apocryphal New Testament, must infallibly believe to 
 have been quoted by the reviewer from my preface, is not 
 in my preface ; it is not in any part of the work ; it is not 
 in any piece that I ever wrote or published, or sold, or read ; 
 it is an impudent Forgery by the reviewer himself.' 
 
 This was my charge, from which the reviewer defends 
 himself with his usual fraud. Like the soldier under punishment 
 at the halberds, who complained that every stroke, whether 
 above, beneath, or in the middle, was either too high or too 
 low, there is no pleasing him. He complains that I urge this 
 charge * out of order.' ' He found,' says my uneasy adversary, 
 * that the most convenient order, with respect to this charge, 
 was to place it at the end of his defence, after examining many 
 passages, in which we had quoted his words ; and thus to 
 induce his readers to suppose that we might have wished 
 to appear to do so in the part in question ;' and, he goes on to 
 say, this was ' an artifice to conceal that theexiract was made from 
 the commencement of our Jrticle, in which we are not occupied 
 with the Apocryphal l^ew Testament at all V My adversary's 
 stand * upon the order,' is a shuffle. I took his points in 
 their natural course : tracing each thread through the sinuo- 
 sities of its entanglement, and drawing them out one by one, 
 I took the Forgery last, because, being the strongest in the 
 snarl he handed to me, it was the fittest for tying up the skein 
 — it was a climax. Whether ' the extract was made from the 
 commencement of our Article, in which we are not occupied with 
 the Apocryphal Nezc Testament at all /' we shall see in the se- 
 quel. But, it is here requisite to set forth what, I suppose, is to be 
 taken as his explanation, which deserves marked attention. He 
 says, ' Before taking the slightest notice of Mr. Ho?ie's publica- 
 tion, or even alluding to its general character, we gave a detailed 
 
17 
 
 account in five or six pages of the several infidel objections to 
 tlie canon of the New Testament ; and pointed ont the method 
 in which they were brought forward, and in which the argu- 
 ments founded on them were stated. We incidentally no- 
 ticed also, that one of them was revived in the preface 
 to the Apocryphal New Testament. We then explained what 
 the nature of it was, and proceeded to state it thus: 
 ' " The whole story," it is insinuated, " may be an imposture, 
 &c.'* The pamphleteer attempts to say that we quoted 
 these words as hts. It will, we think, hardly he credited that 
 WE do not commence our notice of the Apocryphal New 
 Testament for several passages after this passage.' I just 
 remark the * elegant phraseology' of the conclusion, and pro- 
 pose this question — Pray if the quoted sentence contained, as 
 the reviewer alleges, ' an infidel objection revived in my pre- 
 face,' did not its having been mentioned by him, and quoted by 
 him, as that 'infidel objection revived in my preface,' purport 
 that it contained the words of my preface ? Inverted commas 
 are always used and taken to denote, that the words, before and 
 after which they are placed, were uttered by some person, or 
 written or printed in some manuscript, or book. This being so, 
 then it is clear, that the words quoted by the reviewer, pur- 
 port and denote that they were quoted by him from my preface. 
 I here re-affirm they are not in my preface, and that the quoted 
 sentence * is an impudent Forgery by the reviewer himself.' 
 
 But it seems the 'incidental mention o( my preface,' which in- 
 troduced the quotation, and fixed the purport of it, as a quotation 
 from my preface— it seems that this is to go for nothing ; be^ 
 cause, in the first place, ray extract from the reviewer's article, 
 was made from the commencement of his article, in which he 
 was *not occupied with the Apocryphal New Testament at 
 all;' it seems, in the second place, that * before taking the slightest 
 notice, or even alluding to its general character,' there were five 
 or six pages of detail, one of which pages contained the quoted 
 passage; and finally, it seems, in the third place, and 'it will 
 
 D 
 
18 
 
 hardly Ve credited,' says The reviewer, that * we do not com- 
 mence our notice of the book for several pages after this 
 passage!' Alas! these laboured repnSsentations of a single fact, 
 labour under a distressing calamity that befalls all his repre- 
 sentations — they are not true ! The fact itself is false ! This 
 mortifying inconvenience arises out of the accident, that the 
 very Jii'st jmragraph of the reviewer's article on the Apocry- 
 phal New Testament declares, that it is 'a work of which the 
 sole aim is to destroy the credit of the New Testament! and 
 to show that the most silly and drivelling forgeries can be sup- 
 ported by the same evidence which we use to establish the 
 authority of scripture !' This is something more than the 
 ' slightest notice' of this book!; rather more than not 'even 
 alluding to its general character!;' and it is taken so nearly 'irom 
 the commencement of our article, in which we are not occupied 
 with the Apocryphal New Testament at all !,' that, ' it will 
 hardly be credited,' it commences on the twelfth line, from the 
 first line of the beginning of ' our' article '. This then ends the 
 reviewer's defence as to the charge of Forgery. One more 
 helplessly weak, or flagrantly false, never drivelled from the 
 idiocy of guilt, under the anticipation of suffering, and the desire 
 to escape from it. 
 
 Further it wer^ unnecessary to go, for any purpose of ex- 
 emplifying the reviewer's flagitiousness ; for I have hitherto 
 taken and destroyed each of his points, as I came up to it, in 
 the order of its occurrence, and forced his lines in every direc- 
 tion. I cannot, however, decline one remaining position, with- 
 out the possibility of its being alleged, that he had succeeded at 
 one point : this must not be : he has compelled me to the field 
 and I shall clear it. 
 
 ' We have gone,' he says, ' through the pamphleteer's text, 
 and shall now examine his notes.' Indulging his usual pro. 
 pensities, by dissociating my exposition of his un-tyro-like 
 blunder, respecting the Codex of Fabricus, from the Faustus 
 case, (whereon he observes afterwards, and I shall observe 
 
19 
 
 presently, in connection with the Codex case) he proceeds to 
 say, ' The last of this wretched man's follies that we shall 
 notice, arises from an obvious, but trifling error of the press. 
 We gave in a note, a very curious instance of Toland's igno- 
 rance (of Greek) on the authority of a MS book of an old and 
 respectable clergyman, who received it from another clergy- 
 man, Mr. Welby, and 'Mr. Welby from an ear-witness, 
 Gale, the Anabaptist. By an error of the press, the mark 
 of quotation (') is omitted, &.c.' Referring the reader to 
 the Quarterly (vol. xxv. p. 353,) and to Asp. Arts. p. 34, I 
 merely observe, that, in alarm for the ' old and respectable 
 clergyman' who, in consequence of the absurd misrepre- 
 sentation of the unauthenticated anecdote I said ' was fibbing,' 
 the reviewer endeavours to maintain the old gentleman's cre- 
 dibility by saying that the printer omitted a ' mark of quotation,' 
 and he forms one on the page thus (') — in compliment to his 
 readers. Yet, it so happens, that there is ' a mark of quotation' at 
 the beginning, and another at the end of the stori/ ! and where- 
 ever the reverend reviewer may interpolate another, or other 
 marks of quotation, or however he may transpose the present 
 marks of quotation, or either of them, the contradiction in his 
 < very curious instance of Toland's ignorance,' will, notwith- 
 standing such a method, remain perversely incurable at the 
 foot of page 353, in vol. xxv. of the Quarterly Review, so 
 long as that page vexatiously retains the impression of the 
 printer's ink. Hence, if the anonymous ' old and respectable 
 clergyman' was not ' fibbing,' the present ' fibbing' of the 
 anonymous young clergyman, who is my reviewer, has left the 
 reputation of his venerable authority just as it was, and that, 
 without even establishing * Toland's ignorance' of Greek. 
 I wish to inspect the * manuscript of the old and respectable 
 clergyman.' If it is in a public collection I shall be glad of 
 a reference to it. If it is in his oSvn possession, or, if he even 
 'pen from lenders' books,' it is within his control, and can be 
 
20 
 
 safely intrusted to the care of Mr. Murray for a single day. 
 I crave oyer of this manuscript. 
 
 Though he affirmed that my relation of the tale of the 
 manuscript was * the last of the wretched man's follies' that 
 he should notice ; yet, forgetful of this prudent determination, 
 he immediately resumes his critical labours, and begins his 
 next paragraph thus : — 
 
 ' When we accuse him of saying that several Christian sects 
 received a writing as genuine though only two, the Gnostics 
 and Manichseans, infamous for their forgeries and corruptions 
 of scripture, could be adduced, he sinks the character of the 
 sects, and covers his falsehoods by saying that the Gnostics 
 were divided into many different pm'ties V The reviewer 
 uniformly puts a note of admiration to each of his wilful misre- 
 presentations, and, therefore, there is one at the end of this. He 
 had affirmed in the article on the Apocryphal New Testament 
 that when I said several ancient Christian sects received the 
 Gospel of Mary, it was a falsehood ; for I had mentioned only 
 two—* they dwindled down to two — the Gnostics and Ma- 
 nichaeans.' To this I answered, that ' there were upwards of 
 fifty different sects' classed under one general denomination of 
 Gnostics ; and I referred him to Mosheim for a fact which he 
 was either ignorant of, or fraudulently concealed. Jones and 
 Lardner show the same, and the answer surely was conclusive 
 against his representation, that my expression was inaccurate. 
 In the apocryphal article he quotes Epiphanius, viz. 'Epi- 
 phanius, H(jPres Ixxviii- §.7.,' and, unless Gibbon lies, Epipha- 
 nius, in that very book, had he read it, as well as referred to 
 it, must have presented him with the list of ' the fifty different 
 sects of Gnostics.' Which of tiiese sects does the reviewer 
 class with — for he assumes to be a Gnostic ^ 
 
 As he sagely prefers to revive this subject, and by repeat- 
 ing his former words, once more declares the ' Gnostics and 
 Machinaans infamous for their forgeries and corruptions of 
 
21 
 
 scripture;' let me now remark, that grossly ignorant as he was, 
 respecting the various sects of Gnostics, his ignorance is 
 equally gross respecting the Manichaans. They were not 
 ' infamous for their forgeries and corruptions of scripture.' 
 Lardner expressly afSrms that the Machinseans were neither 
 guilty of * forging' nor of ' corrupting' scripture, and he cites 
 Augustine, with whom as well as Epiphanius the reviewer 
 pretends great acquaintance in his Apocryphal article, as ex- 
 pressly acquitting them of such frauds ! The reviewer 
 sneeringly inquires whether * there is otie human being to 
 whom Mr, Hone's ignorance or knowledge can give either 
 pleasure or pain V Perhaps, yes — * one.' 
 
 * When we accuse him,' says the reviewer, * of stealing one 
 half of his book from Jones, without intimating the existence 
 of that writer's work, he says, that he never denied the fact to 
 personal inquirers P The reviewer says in his inexplicable expla- 
 nation respecting the old Clergyman's MS. that a * trifling in- 
 stance of candour' on my part would have rendered that 
 explanation unnecessary. May I presume that I am to receive 
 his statement, on the present topic, as a retaliation for an 
 offence of which his own obscurity, or something Vvorse, ren- 
 dered it impossible I could be guilty ? His ' candour' may be 
 deduced from his omitting to give a single line, of what I stated, 
 in answer to his charge of borrowing from Jones without 
 acknowledgment. On that occasion I observed thus : — 
 
 ' Had my name been ou the title page of the Apocryphal New Test- 
 ament as the editor, then, indeed, I should have assumed a semblance of 
 learning personally that would have been ridiculous. The volume is 
 anonymous ; and though / never concealed from any one who inquired con- 
 cerning the compiler, that I co?npiled it myself, I always mentioned the 
 English sources of the Gospels and Epistles ; and that I drew up tbe intro- 
 ductory notices, and stated the authorities from thence. But it is 
 remarkable that my accuser's obligations to Jones are more serious than 
 mine, ancZ equally unacknowledged. With barely "the edging or 
 trimming of a scholar, a welt or so ;" he (the reviewer) does not quote one 
 AUTHOR IN A DEAD LANGUAGE who was nol poinled out to him by Janes; 
 
22 
 
 and what he says concerning English writers, any one who takes the 
 trouble to look at the work on the Canon (vol. i. pages 17, 28, 43, 65, 
 &c.) will see is also picked J'rom Jones's volumes, and that, Jrom the same 
 sottrce hej'urnishes out his six pages of rote about the canon, ^c' 
 
 I re-state thus much in vindication of myself: and how 
 has the reviewer answered it ? Not by denying a single word of 
 what I alleged as to his own obligations to Jones, which I 
 could prove to the minutest atom ; nor by denying that I also 
 alleged the only scrap in his article underived from Jones's 
 references or text, which he pilfered without mercy and without 
 reading, was the Jibbing ' anecdote from the manuscript book.' 
 Not a word of this does he condescend upon ; but, on the 
 contrary, he has the vanity to imagine that these lines of im- 
 pertinent misrepresentation may be taken for a true account of 
 what I said in my own vindication ; and he seems to think 
 the best answer he could give, to the irrefutable charge against 
 himself, was a note of admiration ! Notes of admiration are 
 marvellously insinuating, and the reviewer insults the readers of 
 the Quarterly by their constant use whenever he commits a 
 fraud upon them. He puts one at the end of a fallacious state- 
 ment, regarding my explanation of the reference to the Apocry- 
 phal Gospel of Nicodemus for apocryphal particulars of the 
 Descent into Hell. He is quite welcome to any ascendancy he 
 can attain by the trick with minds of a certain order ; it will 
 not, however, avail him with one discriminating reader, who 
 compares what he and I have written. 
 
 Again ' Faustus is our friend !' The reverend and learned 
 reviewer makes the last sally of his militancy with his old ally, 
 the Manichasan, and throws his * supreme ignorance' at me, as, 
 * above all,' most effectual. ' And above all,' says my ex- 
 hausted adversary, * when we convict him of mistaking the no- 
 torious Faustus, the Maiiichjean, for a Provencal bishop ; and 
 in the plenitude of his own ignorance bestowing commen- 
 dations on the learning of a person remarkable for the want of 
 it, and of whom he now confesses he knew so little as to be 
 
23 
 
 compelled, as we guessed, to refer to a common Biographical 
 Dictionary ; he replies, that this is no error in divi7iity, but in 
 ecclesiastical history !' Another note of admiration denoting, 
 as usual, another malversation. I will explain this. The 
 reviewer had inquired, <■ Is there a single reader of divinity, so 
 utterly ignorant of the commonest facts as not to be aware 
 that Faustus was an African, a teacher of the Machinjean 
 heresy at Carthage ?' To that question I answered, ' Yes, thou- 
 sands of readers oi divinity ; for this is not a fact in divinity, 
 but a fact in ecclesiastical history ; which, I take permission to 
 believe, is as different from divinity, as Faustus the Mani- 
 chasan is different from Faustus the Bishop.' My answer, 
 therefore, was to shew, that, while he was stating that I had 
 misrepresented a bishop of Provence, for a Manichzean of 
 Carthage, he himself, by the very language he used for that 
 purpose, was misrepresenting divinity for ecclesiastical 
 history. To retaliate on me now, for that mal-apropos ex- 
 posure of his own blimder then, it is ' hey ! presto ! beo-one ! ' 
 with his blunder : he conceals that from his readers altoo-ether: 
 and conjuring upon them my reply to his blunder, as a reply to 
 his charge, an admired note of self-admiration completes the 
 trick, and denotes the juggle. There are several cases of this 
 sort ' in the books,' especially in the Newgate Calendar, with 
 the names of the perpetrators, and how they were disposed of. 
 My mistake as to Faustus I at once admitted. Its ludi- 
 crousness excited no one's risibility more than my own. 
 Perhaps it was no palliation, that I paralleled with it the 
 reviewer's mistake as to divinity ; or, that I instanced, on the 
 authority of Jones and Lempriere, that Jerome and Cornelius 
 Nepos had blundered in much the same way : such acci- 
 dental errors are detectable even in Cicero, and many of 
 the authors of ancient times ; to say nothing of later writers, 
 and some who ' flourish' in our own. Moreover, as a farther 
 set-off against Faustus, I pointed out another maculation in 
 the reviewer. Instead of the « Codex Jpocryphus,' a collection 
 
24 
 
 of tlie Ne?KJ Testament Apocrypha by Fabricius in 1703, he 
 had quoted the ,' Codex Pseiidepigraphus,' a collection of Old 
 Testament Apocrypha, published by Fabricius, in 17 13; on 
 which I remarked, that as ' I. mistook the later Faustus for the 
 earlier Faustus, the reviewer mistook the later Codex for the 
 earlier Codex,' and that this brought us in juxta-position. He 
 defends himself from this, by a ' curious ' story. ' By some 
 accident,' says the * veracious' reviewer very gravely, ' our 
 copy of the first work is lettered Codex Pseudepigraphus 
 Novi Testament! ; and we freely confess that we erred as to 
 the title ; but not,' continues the respectable reviewer, * as to 
 the work itself; for, all through our article, zee cite this book 
 with a specific reference to volume and page, under the same 
 title of Codex Pseudepigraphus.' According to this statement, 
 I, also, must * freely confess,' that any other person may fall 
 into the same error as the reviewer, provided that he have the 
 reviewer's copy of the book with the ' accident' on the back ; 
 provided, too, that, like the reviewer, he refer to the binder's 
 lettering-piece for the title instead of the title-page ; and pro- 
 vided further, that, also like the reviewer, he be so unacquainted 
 with the Codex Apocryphus and the Codex Pseudepigraphus 
 as not to know they are different works : — all this being pre- 
 mised, any other person, under these circumstances of the re- 
 viewer, may go on quoting the Codex Apocryphus ^ all through 
 an article, with a specific reference to volume and page, under 
 the title of Codex Pseudepigraphus.' It is evident that the re- 
 viewer was as ignorant that theie were two codices, by Fabri- 
 cius, till my detection of his blunder gave him the information, 
 as I was ignorant that there were two persons named Faustus, 
 till his detection of mt/ blunder gave me that information. 
 It is as impossible, that the reviewer, with a competent know- 
 ledge of the existence and contents of the two codices could 
 have quoted the title of the Old Testament Codex, instead of 
 the title of the I^ew Testament Codex, ' all through an article ;' 
 as I, had I knowD of the existence of the two Faustuses, could 
 
25 
 
 have mistaken the Manichoean for the bishop. Yet, bedause I 
 nientioned Faustus, with the single word ' learned' prefixed to 
 his name, the reviewer chooses to falsify that prefixion, into the 
 * bestowing com/wewc?«(f?ons ON the learning of a person remarkable 
 for the want of it ;' and he urges this fraud ful dilation, while he 
 himself is actually engaged in proving, that I had mistaken this 
 person for another, whose learning entitled him to the epithet, 
 and to whom I directed that epithet; and not, as the reviewer 
 maliciously counterfeits, to * a person remarkable for the want 
 of it.' Thus this, his last fabrication, follows the rest. 
 
 Returning to him once more, I find him saying, that ' he 
 omits all notice of our other charges, though with his usual un- 
 blushing effrontery he declares that he has tnswered them all, 
 or evades them in the most pitiful manner.' It would indeed 
 have been ' pitiful,' ' wond'rous pitiful,' if I had * omitted' one, 
 or ^evaded' one. ' Other charges!' My answer to him was a 
 ^arf/cw/crr, not a general one. Not a siaoh^ charge, or even 
 insinuation against me, hut had my exact scrutiny. I took all 
 of them separately, and manifested the juggle and falsehood of 
 each. I left all, without a covering on the deformity of one ; 
 and * in the most pitiful manner,' they lay, and still lie before 
 me, a hideous mass of *pure undefecated fraud.* * Other 
 charges ! ' 1 would submit the * potent, grave, and reverend' 
 divine's Apocryphal article, and my pamphlet in answer to it, 
 for comparison to his own parish-clerk ; with the certainty, 
 that, on the point of omission, I should obtain a verdict from 
 the Honesty of the reading-desk, against the Impostor in the 
 pulpit. 
 
 'Infidelity is not so good a trade as it zeas/ says the 
 reviewer, * four or five years ago,' and, therefore, ' Mr. Hone 
 has published a pamphlet, announcing that his character has 
 been quite mistaken, that he is a very sound Christian, and 
 that in his opinion " Christianity is a pure principle — a mental 
 illumination, &c. &c."' The latter words he quotes from my 
 pamphlet, which he takes care to say was published * nearly 
 
 E 
 
36 
 
 three years' after his attack upon me. Lord Karnes, I think, 
 remarks that it is in some degree a plea of guilty, to be over 
 hasty or solicitous in making a defence. My grounds for 
 answering his first aggression at such a distance of time from 
 the assault, are stated in the pamphlet at considerable length. 
 These he elects to conceal, and as he elects also to garble a 
 passage from the answer I then made to his charge of * Infi- 
 delity,' I shall extract the paragraph in which that passage 
 stands. It is introduced by the observation, that, as a bookseller 
 and publisher, ' I never speculated in any thing opposed to my 
 Own sentiments; that I view those who oppose Christianity as 
 opposed to an indestructible scheme of happiness, which in its 
 beneficent progress embraces individuals, and in its final ac- 
 complishment will include the whole human race ; and, that I 
 regard Christianity, not as a Patent of Privilege to a few, but a 
 Grant to all — as the Great Charter of mankind ; defining all 
 rights; prescribing all duties ; prohibiting all wrong; pro- 
 scribing all violence. Upon it every thing that is beneficial or 
 permanent in society is founded: without it, the advocates and 
 supporters of public Liberty can neither attain more nor main- 
 tain what they have.' Immediately after this, the paragraph 
 containing the passage garbled by the reviewer, commences 
 thus : — "I was brought up in religious habits, but these are sur- 
 faces, not principles. They were worn off by circumstances 
 in early youth, when ' chewing the cud of sweet and bitter 
 fancy' I wondered at the world and at myself, and 
 theory after theory arose as the waves, weltering and dis- 
 appearing. Ardently seeking for truth, I conversed with 
 books rather than men, and hewed out principles as I could ; 
 * here a little and there a little.' It is said, that ' many persons 
 commence religious at first, they don't know why, and with a 
 blind zeal persist in a religion which is they know not what.' 
 (Jones on the Canon, vol. i. p. 14.) I am not among that 
 number ; for it was by patient research and painful process 
 that I arrived at that clear evidence for the truth of Christ- 
 
27 
 
 ianity, wliich, if sincerely and diligently sought, is found to be 
 irresistible. My religion is the religion of the New Testa- 
 ment. As taught and exemplified by Christ himself, it is the 
 perfection of all knowledge, * which is, and which was, and 
 which is to come.' It is infinite wisdom. It is a pure princi- 
 ple, a mental illumination; which, however dimmed by the 
 cares and conflicts of the world, shines out in the solitude 
 of the closet, when the eye turns inward. As regards conduct 
 in life, it is the being held in a bond to do justice, lave mercy, 
 and practise universal charity. There is no release from this 
 obligation, though the disregard of it is a stumbling-block to 
 thousands, whose conceptions of Christianity, being derived 
 from the uncharitableness of nominal Christians, disincline 
 them to explore the springs from whence vindictiveness and 
 persecution seem to flow. In the words of Erasmus, * Chris- 
 tian charity extends itself to all ; and he that does no hurt 
 to any body though he be bad, and would rejoice if he would 
 grow better, in my opinion, loves all as becomes a Christian to 
 do.' '' This paragraph the reviewer wholly conceals from his 
 reader's eyes, save only the four words printed above iu 
 italics to denote them. He talks of ' the articles of our faith.' 
 I unfeignedly believe, that no sincere member of that church 
 which is visited by the infliction of his dispasturing care, will 
 think his sneering selection of those four words, and his 
 dishonest suppression of all the rest, can be evidence of his 
 faith in any articles he may have dared to subscribe ; or of faith 
 in the efficacy of any otherj^than the spurious principles of the 
 two apocryphal articles which he dared to write, and has not 
 dared to subscribe. ' The articles of our faith,' are ' our articles' 
 in the Quarterly Review. 
 
 * Infidelity is 7iot so good a trade as it was V His 
 sarcasm falls short. He knew when he aimed it as a charge, 
 that it was as much a fabrication as his quotation of * words 
 not in it' was a forgery upon my preface. He cunningly keeps 
 out of sight every reference that I made in my pamphlet to 
 
28 
 
 the absence of even the possibility, that the charge of ' Infi- 
 delity' could any way apply to my conduct. Hear me there 
 citing from what I had written, before my trials, seven years 
 ago. — * I console myself with the reflection, that amidst all I 
 liave put on paper, there is 
 
 * Not one immoral, one indecent thought, 
 
 One line which, dying, I could wish to blot.' 
 
 Nor can there be fomid a single paragraph, or even sentence 
 of a profane or irreligious tendency in any of my publications. 
 With a lively conception of wit, and an irresistible propensity to 
 humour, 1 have likewise so profound a regard for the well- 
 being of society, and so great a reverence for public morals, 
 that 1 know of no temptation capable of inducing me to pen a 
 line injurious to social happiness, or offensive to private virtue.' 
 Hear me again, in my pamphlet, citing from the public re- 
 ports of my trials, that I assured the public prosecutor * if in 
 any one of the numerous pieces I had published, he could lay 
 his finger on a single sentence of a profane or irreligious nature, 
 or tending to degrade or bring religion into contempt, I would 
 refrain from uttering another word in my defence.' Hear me also 
 in my pamphlet, stating on the same authority, that I appealed 
 to my Jurymen ' whether either of them had ever read a line of 
 Hich a tendency in any of my publications V Hear me further, in 
 my pamphlet, affirming that * from that hour to this, neither 
 did, nor could any one, not even the most vindictive of ray 
 enemies, in their fiercest heats, bring a fact of the sort against 
 me.' Hear me likewise, in my pamphlet, inquiring whether at a 
 recent period, ' when the press was teeming with such produc- 
 tions, any of the nature I allude to came from me ?' Hear me in 
 that pamphlet 'dare and defy the proof of a sentiment of that 
 kind having been either penned or pubHshed by me ; or of 
 any article of such a tendency having been sold or issued by any 
 person in my employment.' This and more to the like effect 
 was the answer of my pamphlet to the reviewer's charge of Infi- 
 delity in his first article. His present article reviews that pam- 
 
^9 
 
 phlet, conceals all this, and exclaims, ' Infidelity is not so good 
 a trade as it was !' Tjie baseness of this is unsurpassable. 
 Fearfully shrinking from the language of truth, his courage was; 
 only equal to its violent perversion or mean suppression. 
 Though his article occupies nearly ten pages of the Quarterly, 
 he has not dared to quote a single sentence from my pamphlet ! 
 Aspersions Answered, consists of sixty-four pages; his different 
 quotations from it, taken separately and put together, do not, 
 all together, amount to ten lines ! Ten sentences would have 
 been death to him. 
 
 ' Infidelity is not so good a trade as it zms!' Was it 
 for this reason that the reviewer bound himself 'prentice to the 
 church, played at * make Belief,' and perverted the principles 
 tif Christianity into the practice of Pms^ianity? When I said, 
 * He is a divine — he mat/ become a Christian,' I did not insi- 
 nuate, but said, he was not a. Christian. That was my opinion 
 of him when I proved his first imposture ; and his recent mal- 
 versations attest its truth. Like the irreclaimable convict, who, 
 at noon-day forced the very house that he had suffered a mild 
 sentence for having before buiglariously entered; so, the re- 
 viewer, unmindful of the chastisement he had received for his 
 former delinquency, returns to his hold of fraud, and from 
 thence renews upon me his criminal attacks. After the offences 
 of deliberate perversion, falsification, and forgery, he evidences 
 his turpitude by further depravities, and by felon insolence 
 towards me, whom he had injured. It is not necessary here 
 to pourtray * the character of a Christian man ;' but his, is its 
 antithesis. He is the * Infidel !' I say to him, as the prophet 
 of old said to the royal sinner, ' Thou art the man !' Nor will 
 it be an answer to the accusation, that he wears sacerdotal 
 robes, and repeats his creeds. One of them'begins, 'Whosoever 
 will be saved, above all things it is necessary that he hold' — a 
 living, is the substance of the rest with the reverend reviewer. 
 The other two begin, * I believe,' and, accordingly, the re- 
 viewer ' believes' for — his living. He may have read jn 
 a book, which he is sometimes forced to read, that there 
 
30 
 
 are other characters who ' believe, and tremble' too. I urge 
 him to self examination; and to early inquiry — whether other 
 than temporal motives urged him to swear that he 'believed 
 he had a spiritual calling to the cure of souls ? And, after 
 that inquiry — whether, being then either more or less evil than 
 I have represented him, he, think himself, according to the 
 rule of the New Testament, a spiritual mnni And, if he should 
 not, whether his occupation of a place in the church to the 
 exclusion of one who is, does not, according to that rule, bring 
 him under the designation expressed in John, x. 2. ? I leave this 
 matter for his soul's health, between him and the Seer of 
 hearts, and his Diocesan. 
 
 To all of my adversary's statements I have applied truth: 
 and each instantly yielding to the flux, has dissolved into * air^ 
 thin air.' Compared with him Psalmanazar, Lauder, and Dam- 
 berger, were mere tyroes. He as much exceeds them in the 
 use of that ' black art,' which has placed their names on the roll 
 of deathless notoriety, as he excelled his least qualified rivals 
 at Cambridge, in the attainments that enabled him to carry oflF 
 honours from that university. His hiflexible persistance and 
 power ,of execution give falsehood the very features of fact. 
 ' Ferdinand Mendez Pinto was but a type of him.' He is an 
 adept * of the first magnitude.' 
 
 The reviewer purposed me much injury, yet I bear him 
 no malice, for I am incapable of it towards any man. I said, 
 in Aspersions Answered, that what I urged there was * not as a 
 stepping-stone to controversy, for which I have unconquerable 
 dislike ;' and that ' I purposed not to write another word on 
 any topic connected with that pamphlet.' The declaration 
 was sincere ; for I knew, that an honest notice of it on the part 
 of the reviewer, must have been a confession of error, which, 
 from him, I could not hope. His last wicked and silly 
 half-sheet of fallacies, is an acknowledgment that he was 
 reduced to the necessity of not holding me cheap— a public 
 declaration of potency, in a contemned opponent, scarcely to 
 have been expected from the tact of the Quarterly. It is 
 
31 
 
 a bulletin announcing that the enemy is ' flagitious/ ' ferocious/ 
 * one of a worthless crew/ * a miserable man/ ' a wretched 
 pamphleteer/ * a poor creature/ and so forth, but that he has 
 planted his colours on the Quarterly ramparts. In short, it is 
 as it has been exhibited in these pages ; and its claim to that 
 exhibition, from its thorough dishonesty, was irresistible. I 
 had ' underrated' his former article, 'by assuming that it would 
 not be overrated / and the experience, that the reviewer and 
 I both have, of the consequences resulting from thinking too 
 meanly of an adversary, determined me to break silence. 
 
 Providence has furnished even the least of its beings with 
 the means of self-defence ; and, therefore, what faculties I am 
 blessed with I have put forth. The reviewer's pretence that 
 Aspersions Answered was written by another hand, is a compli- 
 ment to me and a reproach to himself, that he did not intend. 
 Many with an university education, assume learning to be 
 every thing ; and imagine, that men without it neither know, 
 nor think, nor have the power of expressing themselves intel- 
 ligibly. Yet learning is to some, but as a rich manure en- 
 cumbering the barren surface it cannot cultivate. The mere 
 man of learning only porters it ; he carries about the load, 
 without a direction, all his life, and dies without pitching it. 
 Others there are who open their learned accumulations to pur- 
 poses of public and private instruction, and enrich the common 
 stock of knowledge. From the liberal communications of 
 tliese illustrious benefactors to mankind, authors and translators 
 extract and interpret valuable portions, for that race of readers 
 who called the Edinburgh and Quarterly Reviews into existence 
 as purveyors to their demand for information ; and thus the 
 business of knowledge is carried on. It is a low estimate of 
 its thrifty progress, and of the talents of those among whom the 
 reviewer has been permitted the exercise of his matchless ability 
 for perversion, when he suggests that the progression has not 
 extended to me. To persons of my station in society, the 
 Quarterly itself is indebted for its maintenance ; and any reader 
 must be pitiably deficient in capacity, if he do not possess it 
 to the moderate extent of enabling him to detect the several 
 
32 
 
 artifices, and general imposture of such an adversary. Nei- 
 ther the manuscript of this, nor of the Aspersions An- 
 swered, nor the least portion of either was seen by any one 
 but myself, who wrote both, and the printer, who gave them to 
 the world, verbatim, as they were written. It is the first 
 time I engaged in controversy. The sheets in the reader's 
 hand I have written during severe illness, and as honest De Foe 
 says, * 1 am weary of the strife.' Doubtless, a hypercritic 
 could append a tolerable errata to each tract, but their subject 
 matter has defeated the reviewer's purposes, and that is suffi- 
 cient. General apology is unnecessary, for any plainness of 
 language which may be unacceptable to a few, who are never 
 ' at home' to truth, except she appear in a court dress. I fear 
 they receive her visits but seldom ; for her costume is rarely 
 accommodated to ^JiJie company,' without danger to her ge- 
 neral reception in ' good company,' and to her constitution. 
 
 I was to be written down at any rate, and the reviewer pro- 
 ceeded upon the nefarious principle that the end justifies the 
 means. Under his last fraud, by which he sought to retrieve 
 himself from my former exposure, and to effect his escape by 
 defaming me, I was not less and could not afford to be more 
 than human. I have proved it to be the miserable defence of 
 a miserable man, * who ever double, both in his words and 
 meaning, gives the clergy ill example.' I have done with him. 
 My foe has drunk of the cup of his deservings, and the Quar- 
 terly will not afford a ' dole' on th6 ' border/ for the fall of so 
 foul a champion. If writers like these are encouraged by that 
 Review, it will become * a bolting hutch of beastliness ;' from 
 whence sleek vermin will ever and anon be dragged forth, to 
 suffer for their predatory irruptions. The attitude of the 
 Quarterly is a commanding one, but it can only be secured by 
 moral qualities. Should it print high numbers, with a succes- 
 sion of such articles as I have discussed, Mr. Murray's ware- 
 house for it will present ' a boundless continuity of waste,' 
 
 THE END. 
 
 Typographical Error— f. 17. 1. 12. Instead of ' for several passages after this 
 passage/ read, 'pages after this passage.' 
 
# 
 
\