George fV ashitigton Flowers 
 Memorial Collection 
 
 DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY 
 
 ESTABLISHED BY THE 
 FAMILY OF 
 
 COT,ONEL FLOWERS 
 
Digitized by the Internet Archive 
 in 2016 
 
 https ://archive.org/details/excelsiororessay01 howa 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
SicJlttS 
 
 cigp 
 
 0f ^Ifaining Jucccss in 
 
 Part I. — For Young Gentlemen, 
 
 BY 
 
 T. E. HOWARD, A. M., 
 
 PBOFEfiBOB OF TUE ENGLISH LANGUAGE AND LITKKATURE IN THE UNIVERSITY OP NOTRE DAMS, 
 AUTHOR or “a practical grammar of the ENGLISH LANGUAGE,** ETC. 
 
 Part II. — For Young Ladies, 
 
 BY 
 
 A LADY, (R. V. R.) 
 
 BALTIMORE: 
 
 KELIj'Sr -A.3STX> FIEX. 
 
 1868 . 
 

 \ 
 
 
 f- 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year isG8, by 
 KKLLY & PIET, 
 
 In (lie Clerk’s Office of the District Court for the District of Maryland. 
 
\no ^ 
 
 a03STTEI>TTS. 
 
 rage. 
 
 PREF^LCE ? 
 
 P-ART I. 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 Life 13 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Home 20 
 
 CHAPTER III, 
 
 College 31 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Good Manners 48 
 
 Cleanliness 52 
 
 Neatness 64 
 
 Manliness 70 
 
 Table Etiquette 81 
 
 Practical Hints 91 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Conversation 100 
 
 Letters 115 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Vocation 122 
 
 punctuality 129 
 
 1 * 
 
6 
 
 CONTENTS. 
 
 PART II. 
 
 Page. 
 
 CHAPTER I, 
 
 Self-Sacrifice 147 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 Affection at Home 151 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Cheerfulness at Home 157 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 Patience at Home 161 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 Housework 168 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 Plain Sewing 175 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 The Besetting Sin of Women 180 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 Mental Training 189 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 Mental Training — (Cont'nued) 196 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 Physical Training 206 
 
 CHAPTER XI. 
 
 Miscellaneons 216 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 Miscellaneous — (Continued) 226 
 
 VERSES.— Part 1 237 
 
 “ Part II , 277 
 

 The book we now present to young students will 
 fill, we trust, a- real want, which, for our part, we have 
 felt for a number of years. It is not a’religious book, 
 and yet it is Christian in all its bearings, and based 
 throughout on Christian principles. It is the result of 
 a reflecting and analyzing e.vperience of more than a 
 quarter of a century. We feel certain confidence that 
 it will qualify young, gentlemen and ladies to move with 
 becoming decorum and propriety in the best circles of 
 American society. 
 
 The first part, although written for young gentlemen, 
 will be found to dwell on general principles, which 
 should be studied by ladies as well; the second part, 
 directed almost exclusively to young ladies in academies, 
 will not be lost on the other sex, if read with a view to 
 obtain useful information. It will be easily discovered 
 that two different minds have been engaged on the work, 
 and the reason for this will readily be understood by all. 
 They have, however, acted in unison, aiming at the 
 same end. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 Ac tlie end of the prose vrork a poetical summary of 
 it is given, for students to commit to memory. If this 
 he faithfully enforced the rules of good manners will 
 probably be retained for life, and be of practical use 
 long after school books have been laid aside. 
 
 The inmates of our boarding schools can scarcely 
 overrate the importance of good manners ; their pro- 
 ficiency in grammar, in arithmetic, or algebra, will not 
 be found out by everybody they may chance to meet; 
 but their exterior deportment will ever be open to the 
 scrutiny of friends and foes. 
 
 The jDresent essays are chiefly offered to boarding- 
 schools for two reasons : the first is that day pupils 
 scarcely come in contact with their teachers out of the 
 class-room ; therefore, the formation of their manners 
 devolves on their parents at home, and a teacher would 
 feel a certain delicacy in an attempt, for the success 
 of which he should have entire control over his pupils ; 
 the second is that here, as in Europe, our boarding- 
 schools represent, to a considerable extent, the wealthy 
 families of the land, or, in other words, more to our 
 purpose, the influential portion of society — that portion 
 which always and everywhere give the tone to the rest. 
 It is evident that young gentlemen and ladies, whose 
 ]5arents and connections are surrounded at home with 
 refinement and special consideration, should be trained 
 to manners and habits in accordance with their station 
 and in keeping Avith their associations in after life. 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 9 
 
 Parents, in this respect, rely on the institutions where 
 they place their children for the greater portion 
 of their youth. The institutions receiving such trusts 
 become responsible for the fulfilment of a duty on which 
 parents generally g,nd rightfully lay a great stress. 
 Now, to redeem their pledge on this point, they will 
 find next to an .impossibility, unless they make it a part 
 of the programme of studies, and proceed as Avith any 
 other branch ; but by assigning regular hours, and 
 placing in the hands of the students a standard book for 
 study — with fixed jArinciples carefully defined and pro- 
 perly explained- — by a feAV verses to be committed, from 
 time to time, to memory, and, above all^ by a continual 
 attention on the part of professors to recall the same 
 to the pupil Avho forgets himself, none can fail to 
 obtain the happiest results. 
 
PART I. 
 
 FOR YOUNG GENTLEMEN. 
 
CHAPTER I. 
 
 LIFE. 
 
 rfJ^IFE is a journey, man a traveler. 
 Some find a pleasant road, others a 
 dreary one ; while to most men the 
 journey is neither cheerful nor sad. 
 At times the sun shines out bright- 
 ly, the breezes freshen, the dews 
 glisten, and the whole world spreads 
 before us, a banquet of beauty. 
 Anon, dark clouds cover the earth 
 like a pall ; cold, wet winds creep 
 over us; and the sorrow of death seems to fill 
 the land 
 
 cloud or sun rules the hour. 
 
 Such is the day; what of the people? In our 
 childhood scarce any attend us but the most 
 familiar friends, fathers, mothers, brothers, and 
 sisters. And happy we, if even they are with 
 us. Many a one begins this journey, stepping 
 from the cradle with not a soul to guide him. 
 Soon, however, new faces are seen. Neighbors 
 
 Again ’t is hard matter to tell whether 
 
14 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 drop in. The world widens as we advance. 
 Strangers become our playmates on the way. 
 Stranger hands grasp ours, stranger eyes peer 
 into our faces, and stranger voices whisper in our 
 ears. Some look kindly upon us ; the gentle 
 soul wells up in the mild eye, and we believe 
 them good. More seem dark and moody ; the 
 abrupt voice, flashing eye, and swift hand, seek 
 terrible vengeance for a trifling wrong. And 
 yet an act, a word, nay, even a glance, will some- 
 times disarm their fiercest anger. Who are 
 wholly good? Who are altogether wicked? 
 How shall we judge this people? Can we pass 
 along our journey, without harm to ourselves, 
 doing some good to those we meet on our way? 
 
 My young friends, we are all traveling this 
 journey of life. Which of us is too well pre- 
 pared? Is there any one who has nothing to 
 learn, so as to make the road a safe one for him- 
 helf? Many of those who travel with us are 
 certainly dangerous persons. Robbers lie in wait 
 for us ail along the route, ready to take our most 
 valuable treasures. Thieves and pickpockets 
 chat pleasantly with us, and wait a chance to 
 steal the jewels most precious to our souls. Liars 
 are there to take away our good name ; and crim- 
 inals of every grade stand waiting to trap us, 
 each with his own particular wickedness. It 
 would be a hard matter to guard ourselves against 
 so much wrong, if we knew our enemies by sight ; 
 how much more so, when it is scarcely possible 
 to tell the good from the bad ! 
 
LIFE. 
 
 15 
 
 Two remedies are left us : to protect ourselves, 
 and to aid the good against the wicked. We 
 must first see that our own soul and body are 
 pure ; that we may not be touched by the sin 
 around us, and become wicked ourselves. We 
 must guard every point, by wisdom and virtue, 
 that no enemy may find a weak spot for attack. 
 Then, when we ourselves have become secure, 
 we must turn to help our fellows. And, after 
 all, one of the best means of protecting ourselves 
 is to help our neighbor. He will help us in turn ; 
 and thus we shall be doubly strong in time of 
 danger. 
 
 But how shall we begin ? We must first make 
 friends. ISlo man will open his heart to you, and 
 show you his secret griefs, unless he can trust 
 you ; few men will be willing to assist you unless 
 they like you ; that is, to do good or to be good, 
 to advance your own interests or the interests of 
 others, to be of any use in the world, either to 
 yourself or to anybody else, you must make 
 friends and keep them; God has so formed us 
 that we cannot get along well without one an- 
 other. How then shall we make friends? Hot 
 by force, certainly ; for that would be absurd. 
 Force could not win the good will of a slave or 
 of a dog, still less that of a free man ; friendship 
 is not forced, it must be won. To win the good 
 will of another, you must please him by some 
 good qualities of your own. Men naturally ad- 
 mire and love whatever is excellent in their fel- 
 low-beings. If you are beautiful, a well-formed 
 
16 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 man, it is a great point in your favor, it is so 
 much to win the admiration of men ; if you are 
 wise, it is still more ; for men admire excel- 
 lence of mind more than of body. But men of 
 wisdom and of fine form are often without 
 friends. You must perform kind and beautiful 
 actions, speak kind and beautiful words, for the 
 sake of your companions ; then indeed will you 
 have hosts of friends, whether you are verywvise 
 and beautiful, or but a mere homely man of com- 
 mon sense. Show by your words and your ac- 
 tions that you are friendly to others, and then 
 you may be certain that they will be friendly to 
 you. The world over, you will find that you get 
 what you give. Good for good ; evil for evil ; 
 and friendship for friendship. 
 
 AVhatever desire we have in life, then, whether 
 the honorable one of elevating our own position, 
 or the still more noble one of living for the good 
 of others, it is necessary that we cultivate all 
 the graces of the person, and all the finer quali- 
 ties of the heart. These are the means of cap- 
 tivating men. When they distinguish a true 
 heart, gentlemanly carriage, and elegant man- 
 ners, especially if combined with common sense, 
 they are read}^ to follow to the ends of the earth. 
 How often do we see the man of genius beckon- 
 ing in vain for the multitude to follow him, while 
 ten thousand step into the tracks of some polished 
 gentleman, without half the brains! In fact, 
 this agreeable manner and generosity of heart 
 are the stock-in-trade of half our successful men. 
 
LIFE. 
 
 17 
 
 A wliole-souled, polite individual, with a little 
 brains, will make his way most successfully 
 throug'h a fashionable drawing-room, while your 
 man of intellect, for want of a little tact, stum- 
 bles along and makes himself ridiculous. A 
 moneyed man will take a free-and-easy, penni- 
 less youth into partnership, and both will grow 
 wealthy. Two lawyers plead a case in court; 
 one is learned in the science, the other has a 
 good word for everybody, speaks with feeling 
 and wins his suit. And so in every pursuit ; this 
 desire and effort to please does please, and wins 
 the day. How strong, then, must that man be 
 who has intellectual ability and this agreeable 
 manner besides ! He is sure to succeed. A 
 young man of even average talents, with refined 
 manners and a generous disposition, need never 
 fear of making his mark in life. 
 
 The most cheering thought regarding agree- 
 able manners is, that all men, with few excep- 
 tions, can attain them by cultivation. With 
 mental gifts and bodily strength and propor- 
 tions, the case is quite different ; though they, 
 also, may be improved to some extent. We 
 are born with bodies and minds of certain 
 power, beyond which they cannot be carried. 
 But our tastes, habits, and conduct in general, 
 are capable of almost unlimited improvement. 
 This is a merciful dispensation of Divine Provi- 
 dence, by which all men may rise in spite of 
 mental or bodily infirmities. Thus men become 
 equal because they are men. The souls of all 
 2 * 
 
18 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 are alike, and give a manhood to the most 
 wretched, which even the highest intellect is 
 forced to respect. 
 
 Young men, you have, then, a delightful task 
 before you, to beautify and render harmonious 
 the dwelling places of your own souls. Farm- 
 ers ornament the barns wdiich contain their 
 cattle, and where they store the yearly harvest ; 
 all men decorate the houses in which they live, 
 the public buildings in which honorable or im- 
 portant assemblages are held, and especially the 
 holy temples where God and His people are 
 ])resent. Our souls are spirits that belong to 
 Heaven ; let us make their bodily habitations as 
 manly-like as possible ; so that, when we have 
 finished the journey of life, and put on the 
 liabit of saints, we may have approached as 
 near as possible to the gentility of angels, who 
 are to be our companions on the endless journey 
 of eternity. 
 
 I shall close this subject with those stirring 
 lines of Longfellow, which should be tlie inspi- 
 ration of every earnest youth ; 
 
 Life is real ! life is earnest ! 
 
 And tlie grave is not its goal ; 
 
 “ Dust thou art, to dust returnest,” 
 Was not spoken of the soul. 
 
 Not enjo3unent, and not sorrow. 
 Is our destined end or Avay; 
 But to act, that each to-morrow 
 Find us farther than to-daJ^ 
 
LIFE. 
 
 19 
 
 Art is long, and Time is fleeting, 
 
 And our hearts, though stout and brave. 
 Still, like muffled drums, arc beating 
 Funeral marches to the grave. 
 
 In the world’s broad field of battle. 
 
 In the bivouac of Life, 
 
 Be not like dumb, driven cattle ! 
 
 Be a hero in the strife ! 
 
 Trust no Future, howe’ef pleasant ! 
 
 Let the dread Past bury its dead ! 
 
 Act, act in the living Present ! 
 
 Heart within, and God o’erhead ! 
 
 Lives of greet men all remind us 
 We can make our lives sublime. 
 
 And, departing, leave behind us 
 Footprints on the sands of time. 
 
 Footprints, that perhaps another. 
 
 Sailing o’er life’s solemn main, 
 
 A forlorn and shipwrecked brother. 
 Seeing, shall take heart again. 
 
 Let us, then, be up and doing. 
 
 With a heart for any fate ; 
 
 Still achieving, still pursuing, 
 
 Learn to labor and to wait. 
 
 w 
 
20 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTEE II. 
 
 HOME. 
 
 ■^ET US begin with -tlie Family; the 
 fountain head from which flow 
 society, states, and all human asso- 
 ciations. To silent influences, far 
 back among the earliest recollec- 
 tions of childhood, we may trace 
 the origin of almost everything, 
 good or bad, which has hajDpened 
 to us in life. Upon the impressible 
 nature of infancy, boyhood, and 
 youth, are stamped the marks which time or 
 eternity can hardly obliterate. 
 
 From the family, as a centre, we pass out 
 into the world in all directions ; and as we have 
 learned at home, so shall we appear in society. 
 It is vain to think that we can be rude or un- 
 kind at home and not show ourselves the same 
 abroad. The mother goes out visiting or shop- 
 ping, the father to his daily occupation, the 
 eldef sons to college or to business, the daugh- 
 
HOME. 
 
 21 
 
 ters to tlie shrines of fashion, to convent, or to 
 toil ; the little children to school, or to spend a 
 holiday with their companions. Kot one of 
 these ■ returns without having impressed the 
 influence of his home upon the society in which 
 he has mingled. A person may have a common 
 dress for the week, and a more elegant suit for 
 Sunday, hut he cannot so easily have common 
 manners for every-day use at home, and fash- 
 ionable politeness for his holidays abroad. If 
 he is ungentle to his brothers and sisters, his 
 rudeness will stick to him when he attempts to 
 shine among his neighbors. If he ceases to 
 respects his own parents, he will soon find him- 
 self awkward in the presence of all aged people. 
 But if he is gentle and obliging in the quiet of 
 borne, with no eye upon him but those of his 
 nearest friends, and no reward but their love and 
 the pleasure of doing right, then his good man- 
 ners become a graceful habit, and he mingles in 
 the world with all the ease and unconscious ele- 
 gance of a gentleman. 
 
 And how readily the world judges of our con- 
 duct at home ! 
 
 “Wliat a pleasant person Mrs. Wilson is,” 
 says a lady. 
 
 “Yes, indeed,” replies her companion, “it 
 always does me good to see her stop at our gate, 
 with her cheerful morning face. Happiness 
 seems to shine about her wherever she is. Ho 
 you know that I sometimes have a queer notion 
 that it is always May morning with her?” 
 
22 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 “Not such a c|ueer notion after all,” says the 
 lady, “we often speak of the flowers of the soul, 
 the morning of life, the bloom of youth, <ic. 
 What are these but different ways of expressing 
 our highest ideas of goodness, beauty, hope, and 
 gentleness, in all their heavenly freshness? 
 And where can we find them in such a happy 
 combination as in the bosom of a truly Christian 
 family, like that of Mrs. Wilson? No wonder 
 she is always cheerful, and brings the morning 
 with her ; her children are the most intelligent 
 and best mannered of my acquaintance. Hers 
 I call a truly polite family, and I am sure her 
 sons and daughters will grow up noble men and 
 women.” 
 
 Such are some of the conversations that take 
 place among the neighbors of an agreeable fam- 
 ily. But these are not the only ones, as differ- 
 ent acquaintances pass by ; for too many are 
 given to the impolite and unchristian habit of 
 talking about the failings of their neighbors. 
 
 “Ah, there goes poor Miss Cummings,” says 
 our observing lady; “she has a hard life to 
 lead.” 
 
 “ AVhat a shame,” replies her friend, "for a 
 brother to treat such a good girl as he does her ! 
 Why does her mother allow it ? I should think 
 she might do something with him.” 
 
 “No, indeed,” says the lady; “he has some 
 little regard for his sister — they are together in 
 public so much — but not a bit for his poor 
 mother. He seems to think it smart to call her 
 
HOME. 
 
 23 
 
 the old woman, and treat her as a servant. I do 
 not see how a son can find it in his heart to act 
 towards his mother so ungratefully. If a true 
 gentleman should have for a mother the most 
 disagreeable and unladylike woman in the land, 
 he would never fail to treat her as his mother ; 
 and would never abate her one jot of the respect 
 and attention due to her who bore him and at- 
 tended him in his helpless infancy. And though 
 an unchristian world might laugh at him, and 
 even ruin him for life, still would he do his duty, 
 bravely, nobly; his soul rising proudly in the 
 scale of manhood as he performed his good 
 work. But here is a youth who has one of the 
 best mothers, and a sister of whom any good 
 brother would be proud, and he treats them 
 without a spark of gentleness, to say nothing of 
 affection.” 
 
 “And yet,” replies the visitor, “what airs he 
 puts on in the houses of strangers ! What vul- 
 gar politeness ! I suppose he thinks it the per- 
 fection of good manners.” 
 
 “That is what I never yet saw,” says the 
 lady, “ill manners at home and true politeness 
 abroad. I know there are some persons wlio 
 think they can act this double character to per- 
 fection, but they are sadly mistaken. Their 
 natural rudeness will show itself in every action 
 and expression. A well-bred person has not the 
 least difficulty in detecting manners put on, like 
 a new coat, for the evening; for manners, like 
 dress, to sit easy must be worn for some time. 
 
24 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 The leopard might as well try to hide his spots 
 as these persons their lack of good breeding. ” 
 
 How many a youth is thus judged by his 
 acquaintance, while he imagines that he is daily 
 winning their golden opinions ! Do not suppose, 
 young men, that your conduct at home is entirely 
 private; though no one, enjoying the pleasure of 
 your kindness, or suffering from your roughness, 
 should complain of the bad or praise the good, 
 still you will tell of it yourselves. Your eyes, 
 your countenance, your walk, your speech, 
 everything you do or say, will tell your secret. 
 And, even though no one should know your un- 
 kindness at home, how can you be happy when 
 you feel that those wdio should be dearest to you 
 of all the world, are rendered unhappy by your 
 presence. Your father drops his honored head 
 when you are mentioned ; your mother’s tears 
 fall fast, and her pale cheek grows hollow — the 
 hope of their old age has deceived them; and 
 your sister blushes with shame when other sisters 
 praise their brothers. Even you can take no 
 pleasure in that home wliich you have made 
 miserable for every one. 
 
 With what different feelings a good-hearted 
 young man thinks of his home ! How happy 
 you, if you are such ! You go into society, you 
 go to college, you travel, you meet with pleasant 
 people in all places, and, for your personal worth, 
 you are a favorite wherever you go ; but every 
 hour you think of the absent ones, and, ’mid the 
 gayest life, a voice ever sings in your heart that 
 
HOME. 
 
 25 
 
 glorious song, “There is no place like home.” 
 And when you return again, a clearer smile 
 conies up from the heart of father and mother 
 than you have ever seen elsewhere. Brothers 
 and sisters crowd to meet you, with the cheery 
 words, “Here comes my brother!” 
 
 How did you win the love of every member 
 of this dear household? For, see, not one hangs 
 back from you ; love beams in every eye. Even 
 the passing strangers cannot help turning their 
 eyes for a moment to look upon so much happi- 
 ness. Has all this mutual love come by chance? 
 Was it born with you? Hot at all; for, look, 
 here comes your brother, who was also absent : 
 a sudden coldness, painful to behold, has fallen 
 upon the happy group. They try to greet him 
 as joyfully as they did you, but they cannot. 
 Hature will not suffer them; and the attempt 
 ends in an awkward silence, which secretly 
 grieves everybody. All that young group re- 
 member, instinctively, that one brother has been 
 rude, the other gentle. They cannot drive away 
 the memory, try they ever so hard. They re- 
 member the cruel blow in the corner, the harsh 
 word. And with that remembrance comes the 
 thought of the gentleness that soothed the trou- 
 bled heart; and of the good brother, who took 
 the blame of many a fault to himself, which the 
 other should have borne. They wmuld fain now 
 receive both brothers alike, but nature forbids ; 
 the facts of the past are stamped upon the 
 memory. 
 
 o 
 
 O 
 
26 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Tliink how many an old man suffers bitterly 
 when he remembers his unhindness to the dear 
 ones, who are perhaps long since in the grave. 
 An angry word, that brought a sigh from his 
 mother ; an evening’s absence, without consent, 
 that made sad his father’s heart; a profane word, 
 that brought shame to his sister’s cheek ; a rude 
 push, that sent his little brother sobbing in secret, 
 till the tender heart was bursting with grief ; — 
 all these rush up before the old man’s mind, and 
 he weeps vain, salt tears of sorrow. 
 
 ’T is but a few years, at most, that we spend 
 together in the family; parents, and, perhaps, 
 brothers and sisters, pass to a better life ; and 
 we go forth alone into the world. How sweet 
 may we make the memory of those Imme days— 
 or how hitter ! A cheerful good morning, as we 
 meet on a new day, will give pleasure to all. 
 The kind words and gentle actions of the morn- 
 ing are pleasant memories for the day. Those 
 at home will wait with joy for the nightfall; the 
 absent ones will often think of the greetings of 
 the evening, when they shall return from toil ; 
 and these thoughts will make many a trouble 
 glide smoothly by. Around them, perhaps, are 
 wicked men, hard work, and they are tired and 
 sick of all their labors ; hut at home all is neat 
 and cheerful — no cross faces, no short answers, 
 no cunning cheats, no dirt and drudgery. Sud- 
 denly they cry out from the depths of their 
 troubled hearts, “This world is not so bad as 
 we feared, there is still a paradise at home, this 
 day will soon be over.” 
 
HOME. 
 
 27 
 
 What noble-hearted young man, who values 
 whatever is most precious in life, will fail, in 
 kindness, gentleness, and politeness, to make his 
 home the spot of all the world where his soul 
 delights to be? 
 
 How often have we admired one of those 
 Christian homes, and called it, in our heart, the 
 loveliest emblem of Heaven on earth ! All na- 
 tions have found no holier title than Father to 
 give to the Author of every good ; no sweeter 
 name than Mother to call the Blessed among 
 women ; no dearer rvord than Brethren for the 
 members of the one Fold. And when we wish 
 to tell of our utmost hope of happiness with God, 
 we speak of our Heavenly home. 
 
 Let us see, then, how we may attain this high 
 ideal of a true home. Nature has done much 
 for us. God has given to parents an intense 
 love for their children. Night and day they 
 liaA^e thought and labored for us, providing for 
 our wants in infancy and youth ; and even when 
 we have become men, they never relax their 
 solicitude. It has been well remarked, that 
 there was no need of commanding parents to 
 love their children ; it is natural for them to do 
 so. They will do their part to make home 
 happy. But children are not always grateful 
 for this unbounded parental love, and therefore 
 God has given them a special command to love 
 their parents. 
 
 For children, then, the great rule of conduct 
 is that given by infinite wisdom: Honoe thy 
 
28 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Father and thy Mother. This includes all 
 your duties ; and let it be remembered that this 
 law is for everyone. It does not cease to be in 
 force when you become of a certain age. Who- 
 ever thou art, child or full grown, the command 
 is. Honor thy father and thy mother. I do not 
 suppose that any of my young friends is so 
 hard-hearted as a son of whom I once heard, 
 who was well rebuked by his own child. It 
 appears that this so-called gentleman was very 
 covetous, and made his aged father sleep on a 
 hay bed in the barn, and live on the coarsest 
 food. Qne evening, towards winter, the old 
 man, growing cold, asked for a blanket. His 
 son sent the little boy to a closet after an old 
 one, and, when it was brought, remarked that a 
 whole blanket was too much for the old man, so 
 he cut it in two. “Give me the other half, 
 papa,” said the boy. “ What do you want of it 
 child?” he answered. The little fellow replied, 
 quite innocently, “to keep till you get old, to 
 make you warm when you sleep in the barn in 
 winter.” 
 
 Now, this unnatural man may have been con- 
 sidei’ed a most distinguished member of society, 
 but I am sure that every Christian gentleman 
 will think him vulgar and brutish, and entirely 
 unworthy to appear in good company. And yet 
 how many young men treat their parents in a 
 manner not much better. They will not put 
 them to sleep in the barn, perhaps ; but they will 
 insult them, mock them, neglect them in sick- 
 
HOME. 
 
 29 
 
 ness and old age, be ashamed of them before 
 others, and treat them with a thousand indigni- 
 ties which make the old hearts bleed in silence, 
 and bring silent tears down the hollow cheeks. 
 Ah ! let such children take care, lest, when they 
 become old, they too in their turn receive the 
 half blanket. 
 
 If any man deserves harsh treatment in old 
 age, it is he who has failed to honor his father 
 and his mother in youth. And the declining 
 years of such persons are generally bitter enough. 
 Of what is such a one ashamed in his parents? 
 Of their gray hairs? His own will be gray if 
 he is blest with a long life. Of their odd habits? 
 His own will be odd to the next generation. Of 
 their lack of accomplishments, polished manners, 
 and a good education? From whom has he 
 received his ? They have toiled that they might 
 give him better than they had themselves ; and 
 will he turn about and be ashamed of the givers? 
 As you value your reputation as a man, be not 
 ashamed of your father and your mother. 
 Whether you are a child, a boy, a young man, 
 or an old man, always respect your parents. If 
 they do wrong, you may hate their faults, but 
 never despise them. Pray for them, and remem- 
 ber your own failings; and whatever be your 
 position in the world, though wealth and honor 
 How in upon you, and all men look up to you 
 for guidance, remember that your parents are 
 your superiors in all the social relations of life. 
 Hever dare to treat them as inferiors, nor pre- 
 3 * 
 
30 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 sume to consider them as equals. To them 
 belongs the first place in every attention ; to 
 them, every gentlest act of courtesy. Let your 
 treatment never be such as to make them forget 
 that they are parents, and you their children. 
 Above all, let them never feel that they are a 
 burden to you. If they are feeble in old age, 
 remember that you were helpless in infancy. 
 And though you treat them with all gentleness 
 and kindness, still you are only doing your duty 
 and paying your just debts. If utter strangers 
 should bring you up from childhood, treat you 
 well, and educate you, would you not feel that 
 your debt to them could never be paid? Your 
 parents have done all this ; and, besides, they 
 are your parents. Can your debt to them be 
 less? Do not be stingy of your love and kind 
 actions for them. Treat them with a generous 
 abundance of all the good things in your power, 
 as they have treated you. Then may you hope 
 that Heaven’s blessings will rest upon you, that 
 all you do will prosper, that all your friends will 
 prove true to you, and that you will 
 
 “So live that when you come to join 
 The innumerable throng that move to the pale realms 
 Of shade, you go, not like the quarry slave. 
 
 Scourged to his dungeon ; but, sustained and soothed 
 By an unfaltering trust, approach your grave 
 Like one ■vvho wraps the drapery of his couch 
 About him, and lies down to pleasant dreams.” 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 31 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 COLLEGE. 
 
 HE young man in leaving Eome for 
 college has earnest and important 
 objects in view ; otherwise he would 
 never consent to forego all the de- 
 lights of his own family fireside, 
 and take up his abode among dis- 
 tant strangers. 
 
 The college is that place on the 
 journey of life where we part from 
 our friends and home, to remain for 
 some time among new friends, and prepare our- 
 selves to enter the broad, active world which is. 
 beyond. It is the place midway between home 
 and society, and in part resembles each. College 
 life is, then, properly speaking, a preparation for 
 after life, a little world through which we pass 
 to the great world; or it is like the rehearsal 
 before the play, where we practice what we are 
 to bring out more fully at another time. 
 
 Now, every young man who is worthy of 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 being called a man, is ambitious in some way. 
 He lias some object in view, and wishes to attain 
 that object. He marks out for himself some 
 state in life to which he finds himself called. 
 And, if he has in him the germs of a real man, 
 he will wish to succeed well in that calling ; or, 
 if he is not yet sure of what his calling is, he is 
 at least determined to succeed in whatever he 
 may afterwards choose. 
 
 The earnest young man must, then, ask him- 
 self a very simple but a very serious question : 
 What must I do to prepare myself for success in 
 life? If he finds the true answer to that ques- 
 tion, and follows up the spirit of the answer, he 
 will never in his old age look back on his life 
 and call it a failure. For God has a calling in 
 life for every one of us, and if we prepare our- 
 selves well for that, we must pass on successfully 
 to the end. God has not intended that any 
 young man should fail in life. All that is neces- 
 sary is that we should choose the state of life for 
 which He has made us, and prepare ourselves 
 well for that. Men do fail every day ; but it is 
 because they are not in their proper places, or 
 have not prepared for them in their youth. 
 
 What preparation, then, do you need to con- 
 tinue your journey and enter successfully on this 
 new course of life ; why have you come to col- 
 lege ? Probably you will answer, to become 
 educate. That is it exactly, to become edu- 
 cated. But now we must follow up our question 
 with another : What is the meaning of this word 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 33 
 
 educated ? It comes from an old Roman word — 
 e-dueere, which signifies to draw out. That is, 
 you have come here to be drawn out — not, I 
 hope, to be drawn and quartered; but to have all 
 the faculties and powers of your soul, mind and 
 body, brought out in all their native strength and 
 vigor. That is, you are here to develop your 
 manhood, to bring out all that is in you. Each 
 one is here to make the most of himself. That 
 is education ; and it is indeed for that you came 
 to college. 
 
 As 3 mu are composed of body, mind, and 
 soul; so your education should be ph}mical, 
 mental, and moral. He who is trained in one of 
 these respects, to the exclusion of the others, is, 
 properly speaking, not educated at all ; that is 
 all the powers of his manhood are not brought 
 out; he lacks something of being a complete 
 man, something in soul, mind, or body. 
 
 The extraordinary development of the muscles, 
 with little attention to mind or soul, gives us the 
 prize-fighter. The extraordinary development of 
 the mind, with little attention to body or soul, 
 gives us the lean, lank infidel, or the dreaming 
 philosopher, turning the world upside down with 
 his wickedness or nonsense, and leaving to men 
 of broader and better thought the weary task of 
 building it all over again. The extraordinary 
 development of the soul, with little attention to 
 mind or body, gives us the simple enthusiast, 
 y^hose mind and bod}^ are too weak to hold the 
 spirit, which becomes an angel because he dis- 
 daiqed to remain a man. 
 
34 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Educating our lowest nature only, makes us 
 lower than men — beasts; educating our intel- 
 lectual nature only, makes us worse than men — 
 devils ; educating our moral nature only, makes 
 us better than men — angels. But if we wish to 
 remain simply men, w^e must educate the whole 
 nature of man. This education must he harmo- 
 nious, moving together, all the powers receiving 
 due attention in their turn. As the body ac- 
 quires vigor, agility, and grace ; the mind must 
 acquire strength, wisdom, and knowledge ; and 
 the soul purity, truth, and charity. Men thus 
 educated are models of grace and beauty, lords 
 of wisdom, and friends of God. 
 
 Such w^ere Adam and Eve before the fall, per- 
 fect, without education, from the hand of their 
 Maker. Adam, type of manly strength and 
 proportion ; Eve, fairest of women ; whose minds 
 were bright intelligence, and whose souls were 
 pure as the morning dews of Paradise. They 
 wmlked the groves and valleys, mountains, and 
 flowery fields of Eden ; vigorous as the noonday, 
 lovely as the morning. They looked upon all 
 nature and read as in a book ; the green earth 
 and the starry heavens were the bright open 
 pages on which the words, formed into histories 
 and poems, more grand and beautiful than sage 
 ever wrote or poet dreamed. Day and night 
 their hearts, not thinking evil, rose to God an 
 endless hymn of praise. 
 
 But they fell. A cloud obscured the bright- 
 ness of all these glories. Their bodies grew fee- 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 35 
 
 ble, old, and wrinkled; their minds lost their 
 natural intelligennce and vigor ; and their souls 
 looked no longer upon the face of God, but only 
 “as through a glass, darkly.” It was indeed a 
 “ fall man descended suddenly and forever from 
 the model type of Paradise to the type which we 
 behold around us. But though he fell he did not 
 lose his manhood ; and every one of us has in 
 himself the powers of Adam, weakened indeed, 
 but still the same powers. Often silent and even 
 unknown to us, but always existing in the depths 
 of our being — oh, for the means to bring them 
 out, to lead out those hidden qualities of our 
 nature, to educate ourselves, till we return once 
 more to those model types of the first children 
 of the world, and become like the perfect man 
 fashioned by the hand of the Divinity ! 
 
 Alas, we cannot. There is too much to do. 
 We have not the power to become as Adam was. 
 But, with the help of God, we can do something. 
 If we can never become perfect we must at least 
 aim to be perfect. He who aims highest may 
 not hit his mark, but he will certainly strike 
 higher than one whose aim is lower. We may 
 never become so vigorous, wise and good as Adam 
 was, but we must try to become so ; that is, we 
 must try to become as vigorous, wise, and good 
 as possible. Our aim will then be high, and we 
 may be sure that our success will be greater than 
 that of those who have no desire for excellence — 
 that passion of noble minds. 
 
 As students, it is your duty to see how you 
 
36 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 may aim at tins perfection by tliorouglily edu- 
 cating yourselves physically, morally and men- 
 tally. 
 
 No student should neglect those manly exer- 
 cises necessary for the healthy development of 
 his body. Students, in general, have too little 
 regard for this matter. They imagine that edu- 
 cation consists only in training the mind. Hence 
 we see so many pale, delicate scholars, men who 
 are affected by the slightest change of weather, 
 vdio shiver if to-day is one degree colder than 
 yesterday ; who are sure to have a headache or 
 a slight cold if they happen to be caught for a 
 moment in a little shower of rain, — men, in fact, 
 who seem to use their bodies as barometers and 
 thermometers, rather than as real bodies of flesh 
 and blood. It is true that there are often heredi- 
 tary causes of ill health ; but most of these pale 
 students owe their feebleness of body to their 
 own negligence. They sat all their time at their 
 desks, forgot the swing, forgot the game of ball, 
 forgot even the walk and the fresh air — forgot 
 their own bodies altogether. Is it any wonder 
 that they wake up after a few years and find 
 that their constitutions are ruined ? They imag- 
 ined that their bodies needed only a little sleep 
 and a great deal of food. Now they find that 
 they can no longer sleep, but toss from side to 
 side on their weary beds ; they can not even eat, 
 for their stomachs are enfeebled with too much 
 food and too little exercise. They are broken 
 down, and their active minds are fast wearing 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 37 
 
 out what little power is left in their bodies. The 
 student, more than any one else, should learn to 
 command his appetite, to take abundant exercise, 
 and not let his impeiious intellect run riot with 
 all the powers of his manhood. Remember that 
 if your mind becomes master of your weak body 
 it will have no mercy; it is a burning flame 
 which becomes more active the more it burns, 
 till nothing is left but spirit and ashes ; the spirit 
 rises, men bury your ashes in the ground, and 
 all is over. 
 
 It is a false notion that men of genius have 
 been generally careless of physical culture. Look 
 at the portraits of the great men of the world, 
 and you will be surprised at their fine forms and 
 manly proportions. In the very dawn of Grecian 
 literature we find old Homer traveling about 
 Greece on foot reciting his matchless poems. 
 What a fine example, that of the robust old 
 man of genius taking exercise, which the puny 
 poets of our day would call very hard work ! 
 
 But we are not without our great poets also. 
 Bryant, the patriarch of American poets, walks 
 the streets, the fields, and the forests, with all 
 the vigor of a young man. And - yet young 
 men profess to believe it a sign of genius to be 
 delicate in health. These young men will find 
 the geniuses of the wmrld against them. Wash- 
 ington, Napoleon, Hannibal, Csesar, Alexander, 
 and the rest, could march through the snows of 
 winter or the heat of summer, lie down on the 
 ground under the canopy of heaven, and win the 
 4 
 
38 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 battles of the world. Sir Walter Scott was 
 never so happy as when he was tramping over 
 his native hills like one of his own moss-troop- 
 ers. Burns wrote his best poems after working 
 all day on his poor farm. Shakespeare, the 
 most universal of geniuses, retired, in the prime 
 of his renown, from intellectual and courtlv Lon- 
 don, to live a country life on his own blew Place 
 at Stratford-on-Avon. 
 
 But our Saviour is our best example in this, 
 as in everything else. He is himself the per- 
 fect Adam, the true model who has given him- 
 self as a pattern for all men in all things. 
 The portraits and descriptions of our Blessed 
 Lord before the time of His Passion, repre- 
 sent Him as the type of majesty, grace and 
 every human beauty and proportion. Yes, God, 
 in making the “human form divine,” the most 
 excellent work of the physical creation, evi- 
 dently designed that we should develop all the 
 powers of our bodies as well as those of the mind 
 and the spirit. 
 
 But we must remember that a well-developed 
 body is not simply a fat one. A man may be 
 fleshy, and he is not to be blamed for that, if he 
 cannot help it; but he must take no credit to 
 himself for his useless burden of fat. It is 
 rather a sign of disease than of health, especially 
 when excessive. Strength, agility, and manly 
 proportion are the signs of a well-developed 
 body. Can you enter with spirit into all manly 
 games and enjoy them without fatigue? Can 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 39 
 
 you take long walks over tke country, run, leap, 
 and carry home your tired little brother on your 
 shoulders, without being sick next day? If you 
 can, you are strong? Are all your limbs and 
 muscles under your control at a moment’s 
 notice? Can you recover when near falling, one 
 foot, like a brother, quick to help the other? 
 Do you delight in playing base ball, alley-ball, 
 and other games requiring great activity? If 
 so, you are agile. Do you stand straight, your 
 shoulders thrown back, and your body supported 
 on both legs? Do you move about without 
 stooping, or slouching, or dragging your feet, 
 but with a firm, easy step, and your hands out 
 of your pockets? If you do, your general 
 appearance is manly, whether you wear broad- 
 cloth or homespun. 
 
 But if you are compelled to answer Ho to all 
 these questions, then you are not strong, agile, 
 or well-proportioned; and it is high time that 
 you should commence to take more active inter- 
 est in the hours of recreation. And do not be 
 satisfied to walk around at a leisurely pace, 
 though that is better than nothing at all. Go 
 into the active sports, even rapid walking, and 
 throwing your arms about you, to send the 
 blood tingling through every vein. You will 
 then soon find a new vigor in ever fiber of your 
 body, and even your mind will be more keen' 
 and powerful, and your soul more pure and 
 better sustained in its empire over mind and 
 body. 
 
40 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Do not say that you were born weak and 
 have always been in delicate health. Perse- 
 vering, long-continued exercise will accomplish 
 wonders. Caesar hardly lived through the years 
 of infancy; but he determined to become an 
 orator in spite of his- puny body and weak lungs. 
 He made both strong enough for his purpose by 
 running up hill and declaiming to the wunds 
 when he got there. Dr. Winship was advised 
 by his physicians to lift weights to strengthen 
 his breast; and he kept on lifting till, though a 
 small man, he is the strongest in the world, 
 lifting nearly three thousand pounds. 
 
 We can all become well developed in our 
 bodies if we take the proper means ; and I 
 would earnestly advise every young man to 
 neglect no hour which may furnish the means of 
 educating himself in this particular, of improving 
 the health and strength of his body. It will be 
 no loss of time. He who has taken his recrea- 
 tion can often comprehend in a moment what 
 would otherwise puzzle his brain for hours. I 
 would especially warn you not to waste your 
 precious out-door hours in playing chess, or at 
 any game which compels you to sit still and fret 
 your mind, while you should be moving actively 
 with a mind entirely free from care and study, 
 that you may go back all fresh and joyous, not 
 fagged out, to your desk and your class-room. 
 Thus far for the education of the body. 
 
 It seems almost out of my place to speak here 
 of matters connected with the proper training of 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 41 
 
 your spiritual nature. God has appointed His 
 own ministers for that purpose. But I may tell 
 you that no one is truly educated who is not 
 religious, and does not thoroughly understand 
 the religion which he professes to believe. The 
 soul is not merely one of the -parts of man ; it 
 is the highest, the greatest, the holiest ; and he 
 who neglects his religious education, neglects the 
 welfare of the best part of his being. He takes 
 care to develop his lower nature, hut forgets the 
 higher ; as though a man should train his sense 
 of smell, and forget his sight and hearing; or, 
 as though one should cultivate his moustache, 
 and neglect his common sense. Education, as 
 we have seen, signifies the development of all 
 our powers ; it is therefore self-evident that we 
 cannot be educated, in any true sense of the 
 word, without being well-grounded in all that 
 relates to the welfare of our spiritual nature. 
 
 It is also worth your attention to remember 
 that the great day of scoffers is over. The age 
 is growing more earnest. To use a common 
 expression, skepticism is becoming unpopular. 
 Men are beginning to find out that there is 
 something better about them than either flesh or 
 intellect. This is the case with those who have 
 no knowledge of the truth, as well as with those 
 who have. All men are becoming interested in 
 something beyond and above them. It is for 
 that reason that so many are led away by spirit- 
 ualism and every new excitement, trying to find 
 the truth. Try, then, to take a deep interest in 
 
 4 * 
 
42 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 all that concerns your moral education ; for that 
 is the most important of all, without which the 
 others are altogether useless and often even 
 dangerous. ■ 
 
 As for your intellectual education, which is too 
 often considered the only education necessary, I 
 have to give you one advice which embraces all : 
 Be thorough. .AVhen you come to college you 
 should mark out a plan Avhich you will pursue 
 to the end. This plan must depend on the time 
 you can give to study and on the objects you 
 have in. life. If you have but a short time to 
 spend in acquiring knowledge and developing 
 your mind, your studies should embrace those 
 things which are to be most needful to you in 
 after life, according to the ancient maxim : “Let 
 the boy learn those things which he is to put in 
 practice when he becomes a man.” That is a 
 good rule when rightly understood ; but as often 
 taken it is a most pernicious one. Men often 
 make it a cloak to cover and excuse ignorance. 
 One poor, stupid individual says, I am to be -a 
 farmer; all the education I need is reading, 
 writing and arithmetic, for these are all that I 
 shall ever use. Very true, if he means to spend 
 his time only in work and making sharp bar- 
 gains so as to collect and heap up some money. 
 Another says, I Avish to be a merchant, so I 
 shall study only reading, writing, arithmetic, and 
 book-keeping, for I shall use only these. Very 
 true, if his only ambition is to get more money. 
 A third says, I am to be a lawyer, I need only 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 43 
 
 reading, writing, arithmetic, and law ; for I shall 
 use nothing else. Very true, if his highest aim 
 is to be a poor lawyer or to fill some petty office. 
 In such cases as these, if men have no more 
 manhood about them, if they are not smitten 
 with the grand passion of the desire of excel- 
 lence, then let them go, they are not worthy of 
 a noble education. 
 
 But if they are nature’s noblemen they will 
 look higher, they will aim to call into exercise 
 all the powers which God has given them. And 
 here I must notice another common fault. How 
 often have I felt sad when I saw young men of 
 fine promise wasting away their minds, studying 
 without a purpose or an end in view ; first taking 
 up one class, then another, just to try how it 
 would go. Why not study according to some 
 system? If one has but a single term, or a 
 single year, to spend in study, he may be ex- 
 cused for taking up only what he is sure to need 
 in practical life. 
 
 But most students have at least a few years 
 at their disposal. Why not take advantage of 
 this precious time, and make men of themselves ? 
 Mere knowledge is not enough to develop one’s 
 mind, especially when that knowledge is indis- 
 criminate. He may, indeed, thus get a sort of 
 knowledge-box, containing a little of everything, 
 with nothing in order. Such a mind may be 
 compared to an old garret full of everything, hut 
 all its contents good for nothing. 
 
 What the mind needs is power to think and 
 
44 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 act for itself. All the knowledge of the world 
 would he of little use to a mind not trained and 
 able to use its knowledge. The great object of 
 study, then, should he to enable us to think well 
 on all subjects. Mere cramming in of dry facts 
 is not enough for this. The course of studies 
 which we follow should then be such as will 
 draw out all the powers of our minds, and draw 
 them out in order and perfect harmony. Every- 
 thing must be taken in its proper time, and no 
 power neglected. The perception, the reason, 
 the imagination, the memory, the moral powers, 
 and even the passions, must all be trained with 
 care. 
 
 Eow a partial or imperfect course of study can 
 never do this. The mathematics are eminently 
 suitable for cultivating the perception and the 
 reasoning powers. But they deal in absolute 
 certainties, and their exclusive study would un- 
 fit us for the various chances of life, where there 
 is so much to be considered that is changeable 
 and irregular. The study of history and the lan- 
 guages should therefore always accompany math- 
 ematics as a sort of antidote to their powerful 
 bias ; and, also, as a means, in connection with 
 literature and the arts, of refining and polishing 
 our ideas. History will also teach us charity 
 and compassion for the follies of mankind, winch 
 the rigid truths of mathematics would tend to 
 make us despise. Philosophy will teach us the 
 relations we bear to God and to each other, and 
 also give us a more intimate knowledge of our- 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 45 
 
 selves. The natural sciences will teach us to 
 admire the wonderful works of creation. But 
 their influence again must be modified by the 
 teachings of philosophy and theology; else we 
 might be tempted to consider only the grandeur 
 of the creation and forget the Creator. 
 
 We see, then, that the arrangement of a 
 proper course of study is a matter of the highest 
 importance, if we wish to become real scholars, 
 using all the mind which God has given us, not 
 a part. We can also see what a foolish thing it 
 is for an inexperienced young man to attempt to 
 arrange a course for himself, and still- worse to 
 follow no course at all. Wise men have thought 
 carefully over all these matters for ages, and 
 they have by degrees laid down a certain order 
 of study which is commonly called a college 
 course. What can be more wise in a young 
 man than to follow such a course? He has 
 before him the experience of ages telling him 
 that it is the best method by which he can ob- 
 tain the complete use of all his faculties. Why 
 not take their experience against his inexperi- 
 ence, and become an intellectual man so far as 
 his natural powers will allow ? 
 
 The young man who has done this has laid 
 down the very best foundation on which he can 
 build the success of after life, no matter what his 
 occupation in life may be. His mind is now 
 developed, and he can make any use of it he 
 wishes. If he has not neglected his moral edu- 
 cation he will be certain to make good use of his 
 
46 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 cultivated mind, and thus be a good man, as well 
 as a successful one in after life. 
 
 Such an educated young man is ready for the 
 world. If he wishes to study law his well regu- 
 lated mind grasps the principles of the science 
 with ease, and he rises with rapid strides to emi- 
 nence and esteem. If he prefers medicine, he is 
 certain to become that good doctor whom every- 
 body trusts. If he is fond of business, he 
 becomes a merchant prince. If he loves the 
 broad acres of his native farm, he will double its 
 products and beauties in a few years. If he is 
 happy only near the altar of his God, he becomes 
 a master in the science of the saints, and a 
 powerful instrument in the hands of God for 
 saving souls. Whatever his calling, he is emi- 
 nent among his fellows, a leader in his society in 
 every good and noble work. 
 
 How fondly I do hope for that good time 
 when every intellectual young man on entering 
 college will be content with nothing short of a 
 full, thorough course of study, with no dropping- 
 out of a class here and there, and then begging 
 for a diploma to which he has no title ; instead 
 of pressing on manfully till he can demand his 
 diploma as a right, not as a favor, till his Alma 
 Afater will be proud to bestow upon him her 
 degrees and her benedictions. 
 
 Then he will go forth into the world as a 
 young man well prepared for the battle. How, 
 too many go out to seek the lower places in 
 society, when they might be able to and should 
 
COLLEGE. 
 
 47 
 
 take the highest. A few years spent in syste- 
 matic study would make them men for life ; but 
 they gh forth half educated, and life is a w^eary, 
 if not a vain struggle. I know there are a few 
 exceptions ; a great genius will make himself felt 
 in spite of all obstacles ; but the rule is, thorough 
 education, or failure in life. 
 
 My dear young friends, you that have the 
 blest, God-given ambition within you, do not 
 smother it. Educate, educate ; bring out the full 
 powers of your bodies, minds and souls. Do not 
 be content with a year or five months’ education. 
 You will meet thoroughly educated men in every 
 walk of life, no matter what you choose ; and if 
 you are not also thoroughly educated, you will he 
 forced to take your place below them. These 
 are golden years for you ; use them well. These 
 years are rich with fruit; you have only to 
 stretch forth your hand and it is yours. These 
 are years of preparation ; and when your last 
 college year comes to its close, let it leave you 
 complete men, ready to do whatever God has in 
 store for you. 
 
48 
 
 EXCELSIOE. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 DUOATION, thougb. all-impor- 
 tant, is not the only thing neces- 
 sary to secure success in life; 
 and hence it is not the only 
 thing which needs your atten- 
 tion while at college. Agree- 
 able manners are no less essen- 
 tial ; and they, in fact, when well 
 understood, will be found to be 
 but the refinement and comple- 
 tion of a true education, so far as concerns our 
 intercourse with our fellow men. 
 
 And yet we meet every day with well mean- 
 ing and intelligent persons who make very little 
 of the rules of politeness, considering them as 
 matters quite beneath their notice, and worthy 
 only the attention of courtiers and dandies, and 
 contending that a person of good heart, with a 
 little common sense, may mingle in any society 
 with perfect ease and propriety. It is true that 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 49 
 
 every law of etiquette which merits the approval 
 of an intelligent man, must have its foundation 
 in goodness of heart and common sense ; but it 
 is not true that every well meaning, sensible 
 person will know what is proper to be done in 
 good society, unless he has first learned what are 
 the laws of that society. When an educated 
 foreigner, of the best disposition, comes to this 
 country, we make him wait for a certain time 
 before allowing him the rights of citizenship. 
 Why is this? It is because he does not under- 
 stand the laws of the country, and we ask him 
 to wait till we think he has had time to learn 
 what they are. 
 
 A nation is a number of people associated 
 together for common purposes, and no one ques- 
 tions the right of those people to make laws for 
 themselves ; society is' also an organized associa- 
 tion, and has a perfect right to make laws which 
 shall be binding upon all of its members. ISTow, 
 what are called the rules of politeness are 
 nothing more than the customs or laws of good 
 society; and no one, however fine his education, 
 or however great his wealth, power, or fame, 
 should feel himself wronged in the least if this 
 society refuses him admission until he has made 
 himself fully acquainted with its laws. If a 
 person not a citizen of the United States, should 
 attempt to exercise the rights of citizenship, he 
 would find himself prevented from doing so by 
 all the force in the power of the government ; in 
 like manner, if a person should attempt to thrust 
 
50 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 liimself into society in defiance, or in ignorance 
 of its customs, lie would find himself excluded 
 by every influence which could be brought to 
 bear against him. The laws of society are even 
 more inflexible than those of any government 
 or of any other association; Calhoun said they 
 were like those of the Medes and Persians, abso- 
 lutely fixed. Society can be neither bullied, 
 bribed, nor coaxed. The bully is collared and 
 taken out by force ; the vulgar rich man finds 
 that his money is accepted, but that he is 
 laughed at ; and he who tries to coax himself into 
 favor receives a kind advice; it is this. Wait 
 awhile, sir; when you have learned what are 
 the habits of individuals who move in good 
 society, you may call again, and you will then 
 find yourself welcomed with pleasure. For 
 society, like the nation, is very glad to have 
 new members; it is particular only about the 
 qualifications, not the number of its members. 
 
 We may now see what a reasonable thing 
 politeness is — the laws of the society in which 
 we wish to move ; and we may also understand 
 how simple it must be, when we reflect that 
 these laws are based upon common sense. But, 
 you may object, many of the rules of politeness 
 have no sense in them. This is the answer to 
 that objection : those so-called rules of polite- 
 ness which are not based upon reason are not 
 valid, they have no claim to your regard ; they 
 are like laws passed in violation of the constitu- 
 tion, not binding upon any one ; for reason is the 
 
GOOD MANNEBS. 
 
 51 
 
 constitution of the laws of good society. The 
 customs of society which we are bound to follow 
 are not artificial, but natural ; not arbitrary, but 
 reasonable. Hence we must reject all customs 
 of society which are opposed to reason, to justice, 
 and to morality. 
 
 It is evident, therefore, that we are not 
 obliged to follow the whims of society, or the 
 vagaries of fashion ; for nothing can have less 
 foundation in common sense than these ; and it 
 is indeed one of the first proofs of an intelligent 
 man to see him paying no attention to the 
 extremes of whatever may be the prevailing 
 fashion of the day. 
 
 If it be the caprice of the hour to wear long 
 coats, the man of sense will not wear his down 
 to his boots and look like a youngster dressed in 
 the robes of his grandfather ; if it be the fashion 
 to wear short coats, he will not make a jacket of 
 his and look like a horse-jockey. These, and 
 such like follies, are no part of the requirements 
 of good society, for they are not founded on 
 reason. 
 
 The same may be said of many extravagant 
 opinions which are the special rage of the 
 moment. Some persons are not in the habit of 
 thinking for themselves, but believe a story 
 because they find it in the newspaper, or because 
 “ everybody says so.” Such persons are carried 
 away by popular excitement and passions ; and 
 are sure to believe in the latest nonsense ; to-day 
 in Millerism; to-morrow in Mormonism; and, 
 
52 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 next day, just as the people around them happen 
 to think. Thus we see that, though it is quite 
 proper to follow society so long as society follows 
 reason, yet we must always be on our guard 
 against extremes, and not make simpletons of 
 ourselves because our neighbors choose to do so. 
 In other words, good manners do not require us 
 to give up our common sense. 
 
 Politeness, then, being but a system of reason- 
 able customs, intended for our own good, we 
 have only to learn what these customs are, and 
 afterwards practise them ; just as it is necessary 
 for a man who wishes to be a good citizen, to 
 learn first what are the laws of the country in 
 which he proposes to live, and afterwards obey 
 them. 
 
 The first thing required of us by the laws of 
 society is 
 
 Cleanliness. — Nothing is of more import- 
 ance ; even rags are preferable to dirt. A man 
 may wear the finest linen and the richest cloths 
 and furs; he may have the intellect of Webster 
 and the manners of Chesterfield ; but if his 
 dress, his person, his conversation, or his habits, 
 are unclean, he is not fit to be a member of good 
 society. 
 
 That the dress may be clean it is necessary 
 that the hat, coat, vest, pants, and boots, should 
 be brushed well and often, and the underclothes 
 changed at short intervals, especially in warm 
 weather. But in this, as in everything else, we 
 must not forget our standard of common sense. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 63 
 
 Beau Brummell, a celebrated English dandy, 
 used to say that his rule was three shirts a day ; 
 and I have seen some over-particular boys go to 
 the wash-room as often as that to black their boots. 
 But there is a better rule than that of numbers to 
 follow in these things— brush or change your 
 dress whenever it is soiled. Kemember that 
 new clothing is not necessary to the gentleman, 
 but that cleanliness is. This is a necessity which 
 was painfully impressed on the mind of the 
 poor AVelsh student, who wrote home to his 
 mother, requesting her to send him eleven more 
 shirts, as every gentleman at the University 
 was expected to have twelve. All of the dress 
 should be clean, but there are three articles 
 which require especial care, otherwise they will 
 become positive abominations ; these are : boots, 
 stockings, and pocket-handkerchiefs. 
 
 Cleanliness of person is of even greater conse- 
 c|uence-than cleanliness of dress, and its neglect 
 is always inexcusable. If you have been out in 
 wet weather your dress may have spots of mud 
 and your boots may have lost their polish for 
 the time, without any fault of yours ; but there 
 can never be any excuse for an unclean person 
 so long as there is clean water to be had. 
 
 To be clean in person, more is needed than 
 simply washing the hands and face and combing 
 the hair every morning. The feet must have 
 constant care, as every one knows who has any 
 sense of delicacy. To come into any company 
 with dirty feet, even though they be covered 
 5 * 
 
54 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 with the most polished calf, is an insult, an out- 
 rage, which can be neither forgiven nor for- 
 gotten. 
 
 Besides, no one can keep his person clean 
 without bathing the whole body frequently, at 
 least during warm weather. If you have not 
 the convenience of a bath-room, a basin of clean 
 water, with a sponge and a rough drying towel, 
 will answer very well. But some means of 
 thorough bathing is an absolute necessity. 
 
 The hair will also require attention to keep it 
 free from dust, dandruff, and other impurities. 
 For this it should be well brushed and combed 
 every morning; and, at short intervals, tho- 
 roughly washed out with soap and water. 
 
 Remember also the nails; those blue half- 
 moons are not at all fair to look upon. The 
 teeth, too, must be well brushed every morning. 
 Soap and water are the best materials to keep 
 them purified. 
 
 When washing and bathing, do your work 
 well, use plenty of soap and. plenty of water, and 
 afterwards rub perfectly dry. For the health it 
 is better than pills or powders ; and for personal 
 appearance it is preferable to jewels and fine 
 clothes. 
 
 But cleanliness requires something more than 
 even stainless garments and a clean person. A 
 man is more unclean and less fit to enter good 
 society after having uttered one foul word than 
 if he were covered with mud _from the road- 
 side. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 55 
 
 Unclean conversation consists of profanity 
 and vulgar expressions; and no one guilty of 
 either of these vices, in public or in private, can 
 be considered a true gentleman. If mud, dust, 
 and dirt, which soil only the dress or the body, 
 render us unfit for company, how much more 
 unfit shall we be made by foul words, which 
 defile the mind, the thoughts, the very soul. I 
 can not conceive of a more despicable companion 
 than a profane man, or a more loathesome one 
 than a vulgar talker; you should avoid the 
 former as you would a rattlesnake, and the latter 
 as you would the most unclean thing that crawls 
 the earth; if you are found in the company of 
 either you should be ashamed to enter into the 
 presence of your mother or your sister. 
 
 A gentleman will avoid not only oaths and 
 curses, but also unmeaning and silly expressions 
 used by snobs, fops, and bullies, to show their 
 smartness. He will avoid not only indecent 
 language, but also low expressions of every kind. 
 Carelessness in the choice of words and expres- 
 sions is a sure sign of an ill-bred person. Even 
 a habitual disregard of the rules of grammar 
 marks the vulgar man. 
 
 To be a gentleman, then, your language must 
 be chaste, simple and correct. A well-bred per- 
 son will not have five minutes’ conversation 
 with you without knowing well how you stand 
 as a gentleman yourself. Your language is the 
 mark of your character ; and by the words you 
 use you show what are your familiar habits. 
 
56 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 There are different degrees of impolite lan- 
 guage : _ 
 
 The most impolite words are vulgarisms. 
 
 The next are profane expressions. 
 
 Then boasting, talking about the faults of 
 others, and all kinds of silly language. 
 
 After that, bad grammar, mispronunciation, ckc. 
 
 AVith cleanliness of dress, of person, and of 
 conversation, we shall possess the first require- 
 ment of good manners, provided that our habits, 
 our actions, are also marked by the same 
 quality. 
 
 Perhaps the most coirimon habit of uncleanli- 
 ness is that of performing one’s toilet in public. 
 This should be done with care at the wash-stand, 
 in the bath-room, before the toilet-table, or in 
 the dressing-room, — but never in public, unless 
 you wish to appear extremely vulgar. 
 
 I have heard of “a person of wealth who 
 goes to church early, and is sure to take out his 
 knife and cut and clean his finger-nails before 
 service commences.” I have heard of “another, 
 who has a classical education, who in church 
 uses his tooth-pick, not because his teeth need 
 picking, but simply to keep himself occupied.” 
 “Persons frequently work at the ears ‘before 
 folks.’ I remember, when a child, seeing a 
 woman in church put her little finger in her ear, 
 elevate her elbow, and give it one grand 
 shaking.” Certainly those persons would have 
 shown themselves more polite, to say the least, 
 had they performed their toilet at home, and said 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 57 
 
 their prayers after going to church. Another 
 very uncleanly and disagreeable habit Dickens 
 amusingly refers to, in a sketch of his early 
 recollections ; recalling one of his schoolfellows : 
 “ The manners of Master Mawls were suscept- 
 ible of much improvement ; whenever we see a 
 child (and he might have added a grown person) 
 intently occupied with its nose, to the exclusion 
 of all other objects of interest, our mind reverts, 
 in a flash, to Master Mawls.” A truly graphic 
 picture. 
 
 Many persons are in the habit, in public, of 
 combing their hair and whiskers, brushing their 
 coat and hat, especially the latter if it is a 
 beaver, arranging the collar or neck-tie, (fee. All 
 such habits are often disgusting, and always out 
 of good taste, except in cases of real necessity, 
 and then they should be performed as quietly 
 and privately as possible. 
 
 There are almost numberless habits which 
 young persons contract without thinking, or 
 because they do not know them to be in bad 
 taste, but which are always disagreeable to per- 
 sons of refinement. 
 
 One of these is putting the hands into the 
 pockets ; it is extremely improper to do so, 
 besides it gives an ungraceful position to the 
 body. But, you may say, my hands are always 
 a bother to me in company. Ifeot if you do not 
 keep continually thinking about them. Let 
 them alone, and they will assume graceful posi- 
 tions themselves, But if you are always think- 
 
58 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ing about tliem and fidgeting witli them to make 
 them look more proper, you will be sure to do 
 something with them which will betray you into 
 an act of impoliteness, or at least of ungraceful- 
 ness. Your hands were made to adorn your 
 body and to perform useful actions, not to appear 
 stuck on, or to perform silly offices. So don’t 
 put your hands into your pockets unless you 
 want to put some article into the pocket or take 
 some article out ; don’t keep running your hand 
 over your face or through your hair unless there 
 is something the matter with those parts of your 
 body. Do not fidget with them in any way, 
 playing with keys, knives, (fee., as though your 
 hands were things you did not know what to do 
 with ; but let them rest, lie, or hang naturally, 
 without any particular care on your part, and 
 then they will be always ready to execute your 
 will. 
 
 Other habits which scarcely bear mention are, 
 biting the nails, and scratching or picking at any 
 part of the body ; I need not say that all such 
 practices are extremely disgusting. 
 
 Habits akin to these are, soiling or injuring in 
 any way the furniture or rooms in which we are, 
 or with which we come in contact. Never enter 
 a public hall, or a private room, a class-room, a 
 dwelling-house, an office, or any place inhabited 
 by respectable people, without first cleaning 
 your boots. Neither is it a gentlemanly act to 
 bring with you into any such place an umbrella 
 streaming with water. It is equally improper to 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 59 
 
 place your hat, coat, or any article of clothing, 
 upon the furniture ; nor will you he considered 
 to be a person of good manners if you put your 
 feet upon the furniture, or the stove, lean hack 
 in your chair, or do anything else which can soil 
 or injure anything around you. The truly polite 
 man, remember, never shows the sole of his shoe 
 except to the shoemaker. Clean your boots 
 before you enter, and afterwards keep your feet 
 flat on the floor, then that matter will be all 
 right, and you will not be in danger of falling 
 into that vulgar habit of putting the feet as 
 high as the head, or of sprawling them all over 
 the floor. 
 
 A person will also make his company un- 
 pleasant by using oils and perfumes too freely. 
 The handkerchief may be rendered more agree- 
 able by a drop of perfume, and the hair more 
 beautiful by a little oil ; but a scentless handker- 
 chief and clean, well-brushed hair, are in more 
 simple taste for a gentleman, who should always 
 follow nature and simplicity, rather than artifice 
 and foppishness ; but if you will use ointments 
 and perfumes beware of too much, or you will 
 be in danger of following the example of the 
 boy who, while exhaling all the odors of the per- 
 fumery shop, cried out in the joy and pride of his 
 heart, “If you smell a smell, that’s me!” 
 
 ‘ ‘ Spitting and clearing the throat may some- 
 times be necessary, even in public, but it should 
 be done as quietly as possible, with the hanker- 
 chief to the mouth.” Spitting upon the floor, 
 
60 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 wlietlier it be in the parlor, nTi a -gtair-way, or 
 even in a public room, is an intolerable offence 
 against cleanliness of which no real ^ gentleman 
 will ever be guilty. If you must spit, use your 
 handkerchief or leave the room, and make as 
 little noise as possible. Some persons seem to 
 take a delight in hawking and spitting, in public, 
 as though they wished everybody to know .what 
 they were about ; or as though it was an • agree- 
 able occupation which they wished to keep' up 
 as long as possible; and then, after the^^get 
 through, to mend the matter and cap the clj^ax, 
 they coolly inform you that they have 'caught a 
 bad cold; certainly a very interesting ,piqce of 
 information, after they have disgusted ^ydu for 
 five or ten minutes. 
 
 The fact is that spitting, at best, is a disagree- 
 able necessity ; and, if it must be done, the less 
 noise and the less said about it the better. 
 
 But what shall we say of the tobacco-spitter ? 
 What a shame it is that we are obliged to men- 
 tion this disgusting habit ! Can we conceive of 
 anything more unclean with which respectable 
 people are obliged to come in contact, in the 
 daily intercourse of society? The very fact that 
 some men, and intelligent ones at that, do chew 
 tobacco, is a certain proof, if any were needed, 
 that man is an animal. For surely never does 
 he look more like a filthy beast than when he 
 shows his mouth full of the half-liquid nastiness ; 
 and is not ashamed to spew it down the corners 
 of his lips and even out upon the floor in our 
 
GOOD MANNEES. 
 
 61 
 
 very presence. And when we come near him, 
 the sense of smell is eAmn more offended than 
 that of sight had been. Such a man neA’er 
 breathes the pure air of heaven; the sweetest 
 breezes of morning go to his lungs tainted with 
 the poison of his oaaui mouth. He is degraded. 
 Ho matter how high he stands, he could stand 
 higher and purer than he does. 0 that every 
 youth would say from his heart, I Avill never sell 
 myself to this devil, he shall ha^m no power 
 over me. But if you have sold your poor body 
 to this dirty, spewing devil of tobacco, neA-er let 
 man, woman, or child knoAV it. CheAV the Aule 
 thing in secret, dark places, aAAmy from the light 
 of day, and never be seen in public Avith the 
 mark of your miserable slaAmry. Wash your 
 mouth and lips, and try to clean your breath, 
 before you come into the presence of ladies or 
 gentlemen. Let no one aaBoui you loAm or 
 respect be pained and disgusted by seeing or 
 smelling this filth about the person of their poor 
 friend. 
 
 Europeans highly inA^eigh against the intolera- 
 ble practice of indecent American gentlemen who 
 smoke and cheAA" tobacco in presence of ladies, leaA’- 
 ing behind them, in the cars, ferry-boats, depots, 
 steamboat parlors, cfrc., a disgusting rAer of to- 
 bacco juice. A lady traAmling in the East AAms 
 so unfortunate as to be seated opposite a tobacco- 
 spitter ; in the heat of discussion he did not cor- 
 rectly measure the distance of his expectorating 
 pOAA'ers, and the accursed cud, juice, and all, fell 
 6 
 
62 
 
 EXCEL8I0B. 
 
 upon her dress; he saw the accident without 
 offering the slightest apology. It was too much 
 of cool impudence to be endured ; the lady rose, 
 and quietly hut firmly said: “You will please, 
 sir, take hack that deposit.” He was compelled 
 to do so at the expense of a dandy-white pocket- 
 handkerchief. 
 
 Smoking, though not at all so disgusting, is 
 also forbidden in general company, by the rules 
 of politeness. In some cities it is forbidden on 
 the public streets, and in the parks and public 
 gardens ; it is not allowed in public halls, respect- 
 able steamboat cabins, in the presence of ladies, 
 or iij, passenger cars. It is also forbidden in pri- 
 vate parlors. Even though a lady should permit 
 you to smoke in her presence it is impolite to do 
 so ; it is also impolite to smoke in any apartment 
 which is at any time occupied by general com- 
 pany, even though no ladies should be there at 
 the time. 
 
 The taking of snuff is not an unclean habit of 
 itself; but you must be careful to put it no 
 where except into your nostrils. Do not scatter 
 the dust over your own garments or those of 
 your neighbors ; and if you take it at table see 
 that no particles sail away to light upon the 
 food ; it is not pleasant seasoning. 
 
 One more habit of uncleanliness and I have 
 done with this subject. Never do anything 
 which may deprive you of your senses ; for if 
 you do, you will be certain to act in some way of 
 which you will be ashamed when you recover. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 63 
 
 No one, however polite and gentlemanly, can be 
 sure of actions the moment he has lost the full 
 control of his reason. Only yesterday I saw a 
 man lying drunk on the muddy sidewalk, and a 
 dozen dirty ruffians around him. I turned away 
 in shame from the poor, lost wretch. What a 
 pitiful object! Men rightly name him a beast; 
 they do not use the word man. And is not the 
 beast even his superior? The beast never de- 
 grades his nature ; and is there any beast so un- 
 clean as this poor object. 0, but, you say, I 
 never was drunk and I never will be ; what has 
 this to do with me? Nothing at all, my dear 
 young friend ; but see that you never break this 
 manly resolution, and remember that that drunk- 
 ard was once as resolved as you are now. He 
 fell into the mud, arad became filthy ; and he is 
 not the only one. See, then, that you keep 
 yourself clean. The temptation comes on little 
 by little; do not yield an inch. Never let the 
 devil lead you into that hell ; if you do he will 
 throw you into the mud, and then take you to 
 the other hell below. The devil is on earth, 
 and he keeps a little hell with him to practice 
 the poor fools who go to him. He has different 
 names in different languages and so has his hell. 
 In English he is called saloon-keeper, and his 
 hell is called saloon ; the fire gets several titles : 
 Whiskey, wine, brandy, &c. My dear young 
 friends, resolve, with the help of God, that you 
 will never taste liquor inside the door of a 
 saloon. If I have but one young reader who is 
 
64 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 thankful to God for the mind, soul, and heart, 
 which God has given him, let him at least take 
 this resolution, and not sell for a trifle his man- 
 hood and his glorious pros})ects for the future. 
 
 My young friends, these are some of the prin- 
 cipal points connected with the chief requi- 
 site of good manners, cleanliness. Remember 
 that no arts can make a man polite who is un- 
 clean in either dress, person, conversation, or 
 habits. 
 
 You have another advantage if you attend 
 fully to cleanliness — you have risen in the scale 
 of manhood ; you are a purer and better man ; 
 you are more sure of the love and assistance of 
 your friends, more sure of success in life. 
 Purity of dress, purity of body, purity of 
 speech, and purity of habit, will surely bring 
 with them purity of mind, heart, and soul; you 
 will be a greater, a kindlier, and a better man. 
 
 Neatness. — After cleanliness, a becoming 
 personal appearance requires that you should 
 give your attention to the kindred quality of 
 neatness. This quality, which means correct- 
 ness and simplicity, in opposition to carelessness 
 and extravagance, concerns chiefly the dress and 
 the personal appearance, but also refers to our 
 speech, our actions, and in general to all those 
 things over which we exercise any control, as 
 the houses in which we live, the grounds which 
 we cultivate, our shops, ofiices, studies, and 
 places of business, together with whatever we 
 do in these places, the merchant showing his 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 65 
 
 neatness in tlie order and arrangement of his 
 articles of merchandise, the book-keeper in his 
 accounts, the mechanic in the products of his 
 hand, the author in the manner of his composi- 
 tion, the publisher in the style of the volumes 
 he issues — each one, according to his pursuit, 
 giving proof of whatever abundance or defici- 
 ency of taste and neatness there is in him. 
 
 To dress in a manner pleasing to those with 
 whom we wish to associate, it is necessary that 
 we should sail with them on the sea of fashion. 
 
 But though, to maintain our place in the 
 social world, we must sail freely with the rest 
 over this sea of fashion, yet we must never lose 
 sight of the north star of good sense ; else we 
 shall dasli Avith ten thousand other votaries upon 
 the breakers, shoals, and quicksands, where so 
 many become the daily sport of the fickle dame. 
 
 Yes, you must be in the fashion, otherwise 
 you may as well be out of the world ; for, after 
 all that we may say against fashionable dress it 
 is nothing more than the prevailing mode in 
 which the world chooses to clothe itself; so 
 that no one who does not lire out of the world 
 can live out of the fashion. You must, then, 
 be ruled by fashion, and all that is left for you 
 to do is to see to it that your ruler does not 
 become a tyrant. You are a man, and have, 
 therefore, been created with a free will ; you are 
 an American, and have, therefore, been born 
 with the privilege, as well as the right, of using 
 this free will; take care, then, that no tyrant, not 
 6 * 
 
66 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 even fasliion, lords it over you; use your own 
 taste, or, if you are diffident of that, select as 
 your patterns persons of acknowledged good 
 sense, those who, although they always dress 
 according to the prevailing mode, ape not after 
 the newest styles any inore than they stick to 
 the oldest; persons, in fact, who dress according 
 to the dictates of common sense, whose dress 
 attracts no special attention from any one, but 
 is always neat and simple, neither new-fashioned 
 nor old-fashioned. 
 
 There are two extremes to be avoided — be 
 neither a sloven nor a fop ; the one is too careful 
 about his dress the other too careless. Here, as 
 everywhere else, choose the golden mean. The 
 sloven has little regard as to how his dress is 
 made, cares not wffiether it fits well or ill, 
 whether it is in the fashion or out of it; and 
 when he puts it on, throws it over his body with 
 the greatest indifference as to arrangement and 
 good looks. Every thing about him is slouchy. 
 His boots may be of the finest calf, but they are 
 too large, and scarcely ever polished ; his pants 
 and coat may be of glossy broad-cloth, and his 
 vest of white, satin; but the pants are baggy, or 
 so long that they go into the mud under his 
 boots, or so short that his legs look like bean- 
 poles, or so narrow that he goes by the name 
 of spindle-shanks, and the coat and vest would 
 suit any man, younger or older, taller or 
 shorter, fatter or leaner, just as well as they 
 do him ; his hat may be a choice beaver ; but it 
 
GOOD 3IANNERS. 
 
 67 
 
 is as large as Franklin’s or as small as that of a 
 dandy without brains ; or it is unbrushed and 
 bent in and out in every shape, like a fierce 
 highwayman’s. His hair goes uncut for months ; 
 and his beard is always ragged and untrimmed. 
 These are all matters of the least consequence 
 to him; his mind is above such trifles. 
 
 Such is the sloven. Some call him untidy ; 
 some say he is eccentric; but, by whatever name 
 he is known, he is certainly no gentleman; for 
 a gentleman is always neat in his dress. 
 
 The fop is exactly the opposite of all this ; 
 the other gives no attention to his dress — he 
 gives to it all his attention. Everything about 
 him is not only in the fashion, but it is in the 
 very extreme of the fashion. The other is 
 remarked by every one for his slouchiness ; he is 
 remarked by every one for his lady-like prim- 
 ness. It often seems a pity that he was not 
 born a woman instead of being as he is, but 
 half a man. How he would luxuriate in silks 
 and satins, jewels, and pretty-colored ribbons ! 
 The little manikin, how happy he would be in 
 paints and powders and pomades, and how it 
 would gladden his little dandy soul to pick out 
 the newest-fashioned hoops and waterfalls ! 
 How, alas, he is forced to content himself wfith 
 the latest style of boots, peg-bottom pants, 
 swallow-tailed coats, Parisian hats, gloves, and 
 such like. How he envies the ladies their 
 greater privileges, with their thousand and one 
 trinkets! But he makes up, so far as he can, 
 
68 
 
 EXCELSIOE. 
 
 by giving all possible attention to the cut and 
 curl of his hair, the training of his downy 
 whiskers and moustache, the sporting of rings, 
 watch chains, and other fancy bits of jewelry ; 
 but, more than all, to the color and arrangement 
 of his neck-tie. 
 
 You have heard, no doubt, of that noted 
 meeting of two young men, when one said; 
 
 “Good morning, Jones, how do you manage 
 it? You always have the fanciest and neatest 
 neck-tie on Broadway ; and your whiskers are 
 all perfection.” 
 
 “Well, I believe,” replies the flattered youth, 
 “they do look pretty well; but, you see, I give 
 my whole mind to them.” 
 
 Now, it is very well to dress neatly; and bad 
 as it is to be a dandy, it is .much worse to be a 
 sloven ; but when it comes to giving your whole 
 mind to dress, as Jones does, the matter becomes 
 ridiculous. 
 
 We are men, and not peacocks; and he who 
 depends for his manhood or his gentlemanliness 
 upon his tailor, his barber, and his looking- 
 glass, will never show in himself anything of the 
 real man or the real gentleman. 
 
 These two characters, the fop and the sloven, 
 despise each other heartily ; the gentleman 
 laughs to himself at them both, and takes the 
 golden mean between them. His dress is plain, 
 and simple, but always neat. He avoids jewelry 
 of all kinds, wisely leaving that to the ladies. 
 He avoids all bright colored garments, even gay 
 
GOOD MANNEES. 
 
 69 
 
 neck-ties. The ladies will take charge of the 
 colors as well as of the jewels. Well-fitting 
 garments, of such material as is suited to the 
 occasion, are all that are necessar}^ to the gentle- 
 man who wishes to appear well-dressed, without 
 vanity on the one hand or carelessness on. the 
 other. The following remarks in this connec- 
 tion are worthy of your attention : 
 
 “It is the duty of all men, young and old, to 
 make their persons, so far as practicable, agree- 
 able to those with wliom they are thrown in 
 contact. By this, we mean that they should not 
 offend h}'' singularity or slovenliness. Let no 
 man know by your appearance what trade you 
 follow. You dress your person not }mur busi- 
 ness. Be careful to mould the fashion of the 
 times to your own personal peculiarities. 
 Fashion is to be your servant, not your master. 
 Therefore never dress in the extreme of fashion. 
 Only adopt it as far as is consistent with your 
 face and figure. That which will become one 
 man ill becomes another; and for all to follow 
 the same model, is obviously absurd. The ex- 
 ercise of a little judgment on your part will 
 enable you to adopt so much of the prevailing- 
 style in your dress as to show that you are 
 acquainted with the fashion, without sacrificing 
 your personal appearance for the scrupulous con- 
 formity to its laws. The best possible impres- 
 sion you can make by your dress, is to jnake no 
 separate impression at all, but to harmonize its 
 material and shape with your own figure, so that 
 
70 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 it becomes part of you ; and people, without 
 recollecting how you were clothed, remember 
 that you looked well, and were dressed becom- 
 ingly. 
 
 “An objection may be urged here that atten- 
 tion to dress is dangerous. We think not. 
 Extravagance is dangerous, but extravagantly 
 dressed people are seldom dressed well. We 
 constantly meet multitudes of people dressed in 
 every imaginable style. Here is one in the best 
 of broad-cloth and the costliest jewelry, but who 
 looks exceedingly vulgar ; here another, habited 
 plainly, in good taste, is gentlemanly in his 
 appearance at half the cost. Showy and flaring 
 clothes argue mental poverty of the w^earer. 
 The secret of being well dressed is but the exer- 
 cise of judgment and good sense — it invariably 
 requires more care than cash ; and instead of 
 making a young man extravagant, it is a saving 
 of half the money it would cost to clothe him in 
 the vulgar and pretending style which so many, 
 now-a-days, unfortunately adopt.” 
 
 Manliness.— With due attention to cleanli- 
 ness and neatness, you will present a respectable 
 appearance in society; but if you attend to 
 “only that, and nothing more,” you will be no 
 better than a lifeless statue, a well dressed 
 mummy, or, perhaps, one of Artemus Ward’s 
 celebrated “wax Aggers.” 
 
 You are a man, and must, besides, look to 
 your manliness. The difference between a wax 
 figure and a man lies chiefly in the fact that one 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 71 
 
 is alive and the other is not ; that one can speak 
 and act while the other is dumb and motionless. 
 Those, unfortunate ladies who seem unable to 
 speak or move in company, but keep their silent 
 seats by the wall, are called wall -flowers ; and 
 those unfortunate gentlemen who stand or sit 
 around, in a similar predicament, may very well 
 be called wax figures. 
 
 ISlow these wall-flowers and wax figures may 
 be the most estimable people in the world, they 
 may have talent, wisdom, and even genius ; they 
 may challenge our admiration for their good- 
 ness ; we may love them as our most near and 
 dear friends ; we may wish that we were half as 
 worthy of their friendship and society as we 
 know them to be of ours ; we may even feel that 
 they care very little for our accomplishments, or 
 perhaps despise them; and yet we pity them 
 from our hearts, and would not for the world 
 that we were so apparently helpless in society 
 as they are. We feel instinctively that they 
 are not real men and women when they come 
 into company; they are well dressed, present 
 a perfectly respectable appearance in every way, 
 but have no life, no action, no speech ; they 
 are, for the time, in spite of all their other 
 good qualities, simply wall-flowers and wax 
 figures. 
 
 AVe exhibit our manliness in our conversation 
 and in our actions; and in both of these the 
 gentleman will show his manliness to be gentle- 
 manliness. That is, the first quality of a true 
 
72 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 gentleman is gentleness ; for he is a gentle man, 
 not a boisterous or a rough one. 
 
 Gentleness implies the possession of a good 
 heart, one that takes pleasure in the happiness 
 of others, does everything that may add to their 
 pleasure or take away from their inconvenience. 
 A gentleman will never say a word or commit 
 an action which can give unnecessary pain to 
 any one, man, woman or child, high-born or 
 low-born, rich or poor. 
 
 The man possessed of a little false politeness 
 may show himself well-mannered in presence of 
 the accomplished, the great, and the wealthy; 
 but the real gentleman shows himself well-man- 
 nered in presence of all persons, without regard 
 to race, birth, color or fortune. 
 
 It is related of our great and good Washing- 
 ton, that he never failed to return the bow of the 
 poor old negroes, who loved to throng the places 
 and streets through which he was wont to pass, 
 and when some of his friends expressed their 
 surprise, he made this noble reply: “Would you 
 have me outdone by a negro in politeness?” 
 
 A somewhat similar anecdote is recorded of a 
 person of widely different character, George 
 IV. of England, who is a striking example of 
 the value of polished manners, in supplying, in 
 a certain way and degree, the want of moral 
 worth and intellectual abilities. 
 
 Louis XIV., though a despot, was neverthe- 
 less a gentleman of the first water, as indeed all 
 his countrymen seem to be by nature. One day 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 73 
 
 in passing out of his palace accompanied by a 
 retinue of grandees, he was saluted by a market 
 woman, and gracefully returned the compliment 
 by lifting his hat, to the no small astonishment 
 of the courtiers. Those, pretty gentlemen imag- 
 ined that the king had degraded himself by the 
 action ; but he rebuked them and honored him- 
 self by saying; “Is not the king’s mother a 
 woman?” 
 
 A like incident is related of our own Henry 
 Clay, a genuine republican, as well as one of 
 nature’s noblemen, a true gentleman. Nature’s 
 noblemen are all gentlemen, whether they walk 
 behind the plough or sit upon a throne. 
 
 Mr. Clay, in company with some friends, was 
 met by an aged negro woman, who saluted him. 
 He returned the compliment, and the gentlemen 
 were of course greatly astonished, and enquired 
 of the great man if he recognized negroes. The 
 noble reply and cutting rebuke came quickly, “ I 
 do not suffer negroes to excell me in politeness !” 
 The chief rule of politeness, in speech and 
 actions, is the Golden Rule : 
 
 “Do UNTO OTHEKS AS YE WOULD THAT THEY 
 SHOULD DO UNTO YOU.”' 
 
 Whoever follows that rule will never offend. 
 If you wish to know whether a certain word or 
 answer is polite, ask yourself whether you would, 
 under similar circumstances, be pleased to have 
 the same word or the same answer addressed to 
 yourself. If you wish to know whether a cer- 
 tain action is well-mannered and pleasing to 
 
74 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 others, ask yourself if you would be pleased to 
 have the same action done to yourself. The 
 answers to these questions will show you what is 
 right and what is wrong, what is polite and what 
 is impolite, for you to do. 
 
 One of the first requirements made of us when 
 we enter any comj^any is, to forget ourselves as 
 individuals and remember that v/e are, for the 
 time, only a part of the company. We must 
 therefore do and say as little as possible that is 
 not pleasing to all our companions. This makes 
 it improper to form cliques or private parties in 
 the general company. When we gather to- 
 gether for amusement or recreation, all should be 
 for all, so that all may be happy. No subject of 
 conversation should be started which can please 
 but two or three, or which may array one-half 
 of the company against the other ; still less 
 should you start or engage in a conversation 
 which will wound the feelings of even one of 
 your companions. By the very fact that you 
 form a part of the compan}^ you are bound to 
 treat all the members as brothers. You must, 
 for the time, lay aside all 5mur pet notions, pri- 
 vate affairs, and peculiar opinions on every sub- 
 ject, if you have any reason to think that they 
 will be offensive to any of those with wh'om you 
 agree to associate ; you must, so to speak, merge 
 yourself in the company, for the general happiness 
 of yourself and that of each and every one of 
 your friends. 
 
 If it should happen that your conscience will 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 75 
 
 not allow you to abstain from the expression of 
 opinions which would offend, then it is your place 
 to retire ; for you have no right to mar the 
 pleasure of others by thrusting in by sheer force 
 your own unwelcome ideas into a company that 
 have collected for the purpose of social enjoy- 
 ment. 
 
 This rule applies to all social gatherings and 
 promiscuous assemblages, where persons of dif- 
 ferent parties and opinions meet together on a 
 common footing, such as evening parties, dinners, 
 public celebrations and holida,ys, when all the 
 people come together, schools, colleges, &c. On 
 these occasions, and in these places, people wish 
 to enjoy friendly intercourse with their com- 
 panions ; and no one will thank you for bringing 
 up subjects of contention and dispute. Hence 
 the gross impropriety, at these times, of per- 
 sonal, religious, political, and other topics, which 
 are sure to create misunderstandings and hard 
 feelings. 
 
 There are proper places for these matters. 
 They may all be discussed in private conversa- 
 tion. If you feel it your duty to correct the 
 false ideas of a friend, you may speak to him at 
 his leisure, and reason with him quietly when 
 there is no longer any danger of disturbing or 
 annoying others. Religious matters may be dis- 
 cussed in this way, and also in the church ; politi- 
 caT questions may thus be sifted, and also on the 
 stump and in the halls of legislation ; as for per- 
 sonal subjects of conversation, they are always 
 
76 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 out of place, except when treated with the utmost 
 charity. 
 
 It is a miserable state of society where the 
 people are in a constant jar on these and similar 
 subjects. Argument, indeed, is not conversa- 
 tion, any more than is a duel or a game of chess ; 
 like them, it is a contention, fit for only two 
 contestants, and should never engage a whole 
 company. 
 
 Let us not forget, then, the first means of 
 making our company agreeable. We must be 
 all for all, no one for himself, but each one for 
 every one else. This is according to the golden 
 rule ; for no one would wish his own feelings to 
 be hurt or his presence disregarded by others. 
 
 Another means of making ourselves agreeable 
 is courtesy. Being all to all is a genei’al social 
 requirement; courtesy is a special one, and 
 refers to our politeness as shown to particular 
 persons. Here, again, the golden rule is an 
 admirable guide. Perform those actions towards 
 others, and only those, which you would have 
 them perform towards you, or towards those 
 whom you love. Treat a lady as you would 
 have all men treat your sister, or y(5ur mother ; 
 treat a gentleman as you would have all persons 
 treat your father, your brother, or yourself. 
 
 By acting in this way you will avoid two 
 faults. You will never he so mpolite as to be 
 rude or uncouth, and you will never be so over 
 polite as to be silly and foppish. 
 
 For instance, it is a very commori habit to 
 
GOOD 3IANNERS. 
 
 77 
 
 stare at strangers, and at whatever belongs to 
 them. Some persons, on entering a parlor or a 
 private room, travel around the apartment with 
 their eyes, in such earnest scrutiny of every 
 object, that a timid person would take them for 
 sheriffs or policemen. You would not be pleased 
 to have any one stare around your private rooms 
 in such a way ; treat them as you would be 
 treated. 
 
 It is even more vulgar to stare at strangers 
 themselves. I am sorry to say that this ill-bred 
 habit is common with school-boys and girls, and 
 even with full-grown students. A stranger 
 comes to visit the place, or he is on business, 
 and forsooth he must be stared right in the face, 
 till the blood rushes to his brows in shame and 
 anger. Would you be pleased to have your 
 father thus gazed out of countenance by a gaping 
 crowd, as though he were the man of the moon? 
 
 But when it comes to ladies, it is shameful 
 that young men’s manly hearts do not teach 
 them better. If you saw your sisters stared at 
 in such a way, would not the hot, angry blood 
 rush to your face? A young man who respects 
 his own mother will never stare at any woman, 
 with his mouth open, like a gawk rooted to the 
 ground, as though he never expected to see 
 another daughter of Eve until the day of judg- 
 ment. 
 
 There is, of course, no harm in looking re- 
 spectfully for a moment at any person or thing ; 
 but to stand and gaze or stare is odiously vulgar. 
 7 * 
 
78 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Over politeness, though not so .bad as impo- 
 liteness, is extremely silly and unmanly. True 
 courtesy springs from sincerity of heart and 
 manliness of soul. An outside show of what we 
 do not feel is not politeness. All forced formali- 
 ties, stiff and cold as winter, no matter how fine 
 they may glitter, do not constitute true courtesy, 
 which always comes fresh and warm from the 
 heart. Do not try so much to show that you 
 are polite as to feel so ; your politeness will then 
 spring naturally into action. 
 
 Yes, a good heart is here a matter of neces- 
 sity. You must feel courteous in order to be 
 so ; you must have charity and patience, to bear 
 with the faults of others ; you must try to make 
 the best, and not the worst, out of them ; every 
 one has something good in him, if we can only 
 find it out ; and bow much pleasanter to look for 
 wdrat is good than for what is bad. We must 
 learn to yield to others, at times; pass over 
 their whims, and remember that we are not per- 
 fect ourselves; pride is one of the chief marks 
 of impoliteness, and must be subdued before we 
 can appear true gentlemen. ISlo one, whatever 
 his worth or station, has any right to be insolent 
 or disrespectful to his fellow-men. Let your 
 politeness, then, be from the heart, and for 
 every one. 
 
 Let it also spring from a manl}^ soul. Do 
 nothing which is childish, affected or mean- 
 spirited. Many persons are always waving 
 their hats after the grandest fashion, bowing till 
 
GOOD 3IANNERS. 
 
 79 
 
 their heads nearly touch the dust, and are alto- 
 gether so excessively polite that we are never 
 easy in their presence. Some have the happy 
 art of performing these actions with much grace, 
 and an appearance of naturalness which is ex- 
 ceedingly charming; but, for the majority, they 
 become stumbling blocks which make the unfor- 
 tunate actors look either very awkward or very 
 silly. They may well be dispensed with alto- 
 gether. 
 
 There are others who are forever cringing and 
 fawning upon those who happen to be a little 
 above them in the world. IS’ever thus degrade 
 your manhood. God has created you free, you 
 are free-born, do not make of yourself a social 
 slave. Be courteous, polite, gentlemanly with 
 every one; give to every one the honor due to 
 him as a man, and the respect to which his tal- 
 ents, worth, or position, entitle him. But do not 
 fawn upon him, - because he happens to have 
 more money than has fallen to your lot, or 
 because he chances to occupy a higher -position 
 in life than it has pleased God to give you; 
 neither frown upon him, if he happen to be 
 poorer, or chance to occupy a lower place than 
 you. Fawning and frowning are both signs of 
 a base mind ; be you a man and do neither. 
 
 A good heart will impel you to all acts of kind- 
 ness and courtes}^ towards others, whenever it is 
 in your power to perform them. Some are very 
 sure to do so towards strangers, but not towards 
 their own friends. You will see them all kind- 
 
so 
 
 EXCELSIOr. 
 
 ness and attention towards persons they meet in 
 company, especially if those persons be ladies; 
 this is most commendable, and shows the best 
 kind of a disposition, provided they do the same 
 for their own fathers, mothers, brothers, sisters, 
 and intimate friends. You will see others very 
 respectful to those whom they consider their 
 superiors or their equals, but sneering at those 
 Avhom they deem their inferiors; such persons 
 are mean-spirited cowards, who take advantage 
 of the weak and the helpless, but cringe, like 
 base creatures as they are, before real men and 
 women. No gentleman will take any advan- 
 tage of the weakness or ignorance of any per- 
 son, however poor and humble. The habit 
 which some boys and young men have of ridi- 
 culing one of their unfortunate companions is 
 most despicable. 
 
 There is nothing more important in life, or 
 which requires more care, than this ability to 
 carry ourselves easy, without insolence or ser- 
 vility, as gentlemen among men. The impolite 
 aristocrat struts along as though nature had 
 made him superior to other men ; the impolite 
 man of humble life holds down his head as 
 though nature had made him inferior to other 
 men: one sneers, the other fawns; both think 
 they are polite, but neither is so; the one is 
 composed of the stuff of which despots are 
 formed, the other of that degraded earth of 
 which slaves are made. 
 
 The American will be neither tyrant nor slave. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 81 
 
 American politeness is essentially manliness, — 
 respect for the aged, the venerable, and the good ; 
 disrepect for no one. American liberty is not 
 the license to do as we please, regardless of the 
 feelings and the rights of others. AVe respect 
 all men simply because they are men ; and, 
 besides, we respect them for their office or posi- 
 tion, or for their worth. But in all this regard 
 for others we never forget the respect due to 
 ourselves — and herein lies the golden means of 
 liberty, and of politeness ; and here again do we 
 find the whole matter summed up in the Divine 
 Rule : 
 
 “Do AS YOU WOULD BE DONE BY.” 
 
 Table Etiquette. — At table, more than any 
 where else, we show what manner of men we 
 are ; and he who can take his seat at dinner 
 in a respectable company, and conduct himself 
 there in a way creditable to himself and to his 
 friends, may very well pass for an accomplished 
 gentleman. Certainly, if, after having gone 
 through this ordeal, he is seen to lack some of 
 the gentilities of life in other places, they will 
 be found to he quite insignificant, and not to 
 alter his standard as a gentleman. 
 
 The reason for this is, that at the table all the 
 essentials of good manners are called into requi- 
 sition, — cleanliness, neatness, and manliness, as 
 exhibited in our personal appearance, our actions, 
 and our conversation. These qualities are here 
 especially necessary in the order in which they 
 ?^re named. Cleanliness, in all respects, is an 
 
82 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 imperative necessity ; in person, in dress, and in 
 every thing you do or say from the moment you 
 enter the dining-room till the moment you retire. 
 Be nothing, do nothing, say nothing, which can, 
 by any one, be considered, even in the slightest 
 degree, unclean. 
 
 If cleanliness inspires satisfaction with your 
 appearance and conduct, and even respect for 
 yourself, neatness compels, in addition to these, 
 admiration ; and, if, besides, you show yourself 
 possessed of manliness, you will elicit universal 
 applause, and find yourself looked up to as a 
 pattern of all that is excellent in the notion 
 which men have of a real gentleman. How 
 many a one refers the beginning of his success in 
 life to the favorable impression which he first made 
 at the table of a generous-hearted host or hostess. 
 
 Table etiquette, in particular, is often consid- 
 ered to be but a mere jumble of fanciful rules, 
 entirely arbitrary, without a particle of necessity 
 or of common sense at their base ; and, conse- 
 quently, to be without the least claim upon our 
 attention, except when we happen to take our 
 meals in the presence of some one who is noted 
 for his over attention to matters of politeness. 
 But, on examination, you will find that this 
 prejudice is without any foundation. All the 
 rules of table-etiquette which are worthy of 
 your attention, are, like the other rules of polite- 
 ness, based upon common sense, and, like them, 
 may be referred to one of the three heads of 
 Cleanliness, Neatness, and Manliness. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 83 
 
 Manliness requires that you should avoid every 
 thing which may displease or even unnecessarily 
 discommode the host, the guests, or the waiters. 
 
 If you are invited to be the guest of another, 
 the first thing, then, which should engage your 
 attention is — not to come too early ; for in that 
 case you would be in the way, and your friends 
 would probably feel bound to entertain you, at 
 the expense of their own time and convenience, 
 until meal-time ; besides, you might excite the 
 suspicion that you came so early to make sure 
 of the feast — a certain sign of greediness. 
 
 Neither must you arrive too late; for then 
 you will disturb everybody, and make of your- 
 self a nuisance ; but try to be just in time. 
 Punctuality, even to the moment, is the rule of 
 gentlemen as well as of great men. 
 
 If the entertainment be a ceremonious one, 
 you may be requested to take a lady in charge, 
 to whom you will give your left arm, passing 
 before her as you step into the dining-hall, 
 where you will give to her your constant atten- 
 tion, seeing that all her wants are supplied, and 
 this, of course, whether she be a young lady or 
 one advanced in years, a friend, or a compara- 
 tive stranger. The true gentleman treats all 
 ladies with marked deference and respect, and if 
 he makes any difference in his attentions it is in 
 favor of the elderly, the helpless, and those who 
 appear to be slighted or neglected by others. 
 Never urge a lady to take wine with you, offer- 
 ing it once is sufficient. 
 
84 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 In taking your seat at table you will follow 
 the customs of the place, and the wishes or ex- 
 ample of your host or hostess. 
 
 While grace is saying, whether your belief is 
 the same as that of your host or not, you should 
 bow your head, in token of respect, and ask 
 God’s blessing yourself. The object of religion 
 being the honor of the Creator, everyone should 
 be respectful and attentive during any of its 
 exercises. 
 
 Many persons show themselves awkward in 
 taking their seat, or afterwards in sitting at 
 table. Be seated with ease, without rattling 
 your chair; not so far from the table as to 
 endanger your dress in taking food or drink, nor 
 BO near as to press against the table and shake it 
 at every movement of your body. Unfold your 
 napkin and lay it across your knees, never 
 pinning it over your breast like an alderman or 
 a slobbering infant. 
 
 After you have taken your seat, “try to sit 
 easily and gracefully, but at the same time avoid 
 crowding those beside you.” Keep your elbows 
 ofi’ the table ; and make as little noise as possi- 
 ble with your knife and fork, or any of the 
 dishes, moving your hands with care so as to 
 avoid any awkward or disagreeable action, such 
 as spilling water, tea, or coffee, or any liquid, 
 dropping jDieces of food, or scattering anything 
 on the cloth, overturning cups, dishes, glasses, 
 <kc.; all of which are excessively annoying to 
 those seated at table, and bring shame to your- 
 self. 
 
GOOD MANNEBS. 
 
 85 
 
 Should any accident occur, however, try to 
 retain self-possession, and do not' make it worse 
 hy a frightened fussy attempt to repair it, hut 
 do calmly Avhat, under the circumstances, can be 
 done, and show quiet concern for any injury that 
 may have been done to the apparel of those near 
 
 Be sure to make no noise in chewing or sup- 
 ping your food ; and do nothing which may in 
 any way shoAV haste, greed, or vulgarity. Some 
 persons disgust a whole table by their offensive 
 manner of taking their food. You may hear 
 them across the dining-room, slopping and grind- 
 ing like — -certainly not like gentleman . ; or, if you 
 are so unfortunate as to look their way, you will 
 see their mouths so full as to make them red in 
 the face ; and when they begin to try to swallow, 
 you fear there is danger of suffocation. Others are 
 guilty only of using their own knife for the but- 
 ter and salt, putting their fingers into the sugar- 
 bowl, blowing their tea, coffee, or soup, drinking 
 before wiping their lips, and thus greasing their 
 glasses, or, perhaps, rolling up their coat-sleeves 
 and wristbands, as if they were preparing for 
 earnest work. All such habits are excessively 
 disgusting and unclean. Do not break bread in 
 your soup nor tip your plate ; sip your soup qui- 
 etly from the side of the spoon, and not the 
 point. Never refuse soup — it is rude. It is ill- 
 bred to accept everything that is offered you. 
 Do not take a second time of soup, fish, pastry, 
 or pudding. 
 
 8 
 
86 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 To cut up all the meat on your plate, as if it 
 were for a child, or for a person with a lame 
 hand, would be a mark of greediness. 
 
 Dry bread should be broken as it is wanted, 
 and put into the mouth with the fingers ; never 
 cut with the knife, nor bitten from the roll or 
 slice, unless it is buttered. 
 
 Eat not so fast as to be waiting for others, nor 
 so slowly as to keep others waiting for you ; and 
 never call twice for any dish that may cause 
 unnecessary delay. 
 
 Partake sparingly of delicacies and of all arti- 
 cles which are served in small quantities, always 
 declining them when they are offered a second 
 time. 
 
 Avoid picking out choice pieces of food ; oth- 
 ers may also have their preferences. You may 
 often hear ill-bred persons say “that is just my 
 favorite bit,” as though they only had a right to 
 all “favorite bits.” Such an ignorant, selfish per- 
 son will sometimes overturn a plate of bread to 
 get at the bottom piece, because, forsooth, he is 
 fond of a well-baked crust or of a nice soft piece. 
 Selfishness at table is the most unmanly trait 
 which can be shown, and puts the people guilty 
 of it at once on a level with those brutes which 
 quarrel over their feed. 
 
 Yet if your host should ask what portion you 
 prefer, state your preference freely and at once ; 
 for his request is intended as a compliment to you, 
 which it would be rude on your part to disregard. 
 
 Never pass remarks upon the food which is 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 87 
 
 placed before you ; if you dislike any dish, decline 
 to partake of it, but say nothing about it ; espe- 
 cially do not give your reasons why it is dis- 
 tasteful to you, for they may disgust instead of 
 edify the company. Neither spend much of your 
 time in praising any dish, no matter how fond 
 you may be of it, unless you wish to be taken 
 for an epicure. Taking food is, in reality, an 
 animal and sensual gratification, and it does not 
 become a man, possessed of an intellect and of a 
 moral nature, to spend his time talking about the 
 feeding of his body. It is said that man was 
 made a little lower than the angels ; but these 
 food-talkers seem to have been made a little 
 higher than the beasts. 
 
 Do not talk while your mouth is full. 
 
 Do not fill )mur plate too full ; but if it is sup- 
 plied by your host, take what he gives, without 
 any observations on the great or the small 
 amount, unless he be a very intimate friend and 
 there be no strangers present. Never, indeed, 
 take any undue liberties in talking or acting at the 
 table of another, so as to make yourself the prin- 
 cipal personage, unless your host desires you to 
 do so. Those would-be smart people who take 
 these liberties, and imagine that they are acting 
 the part of fine gentlemen, are much mistaken. 
 
 Many persons who have come to the use of 
 their reason seem to be ignorant of the purposes 
 for which knives, forks, and spoons are made. 
 For their information, I would say that knives 
 are made to cut food, not to carry it to the mouth, 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 forks being intended for that purpose ; and spoons 
 are made to carry liquids from the plate to the 
 fnouth. So, do not put a knife into your mouth, 
 unless you wish to cut yourself; except in case 
 the fork is so small as to be inconvenient, when 
 the knife is excusable on the plea of necessity, 
 which knows no law. 
 
 Use a dessert spoon in eating tarts, puddings, 
 curries, (fee. Cheese is eaten with the fingers ; 
 also, dry and fresh fruit. Apples and pears are 
 cut into quarters before paring, peaches and apri- 
 cots are split in the middle, and the stone is 
 removed with the point of the knife. Small 
 fruits, such as plums and cherries, are put into 
 the mouth whole, and the stones deposited in 
 the hand closed. 
 
 Do not use your own knife or fork to help 
 yourself or others to butter or anything else ; use 
 the one beside the dish. 
 
 Eggs in the shell must be opened at the large 
 end, not with the knife, which must never come 
 near them, except for salt, but with the prongs 
 of the fork, or, better still, with a small spoon. 
 With this the salt and butter are mixed in the 
 egg. The shell must be broken up and left on 
 the plate. 
 
 If you wish to cough, spit, or sneeze, turn your 
 head from the table and use your handkerchief, 
 putting it again immediately into your pocket. 
 
 Never use your napkin as a hankerchief; it is 
 intended for the lips and the fingers. 
 
 It is rude to put bones, potato-peelings, (fee., 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 89 
 
 on the table-cloth ; to crack nuts with the teeth 
 at table; to take from the table candies, nuts, 
 fruits, (fee. 
 
 Do not leave the table before your host. 
 
 Finally, eat and drink with moderation ; nei- 
 ther too fast nor too much. Many persons have 
 begun a career of intemperance at the social table 
 of a dear friend. Many a dyspeptic owes his 
 disease to the same happy occasion. 
 
 After enjoying the hospitality of another’s 
 board, it is not in good taste to depart imme- 
 diately, as though you were indeed a boarder ; 
 besides, health requires that you should rest from 
 all serious cares for some time after taking a 
 hearty meal. Says a wise old saw: 
 
 “ After dinuer rest a Avlnle, 
 
 After supper walk a mile.” 
 
 Such are the principal laws of table etiquette, 
 whose observance is required of you by society ; 
 and you may see that they are all truly nothing 
 more than a man of delicacy and good sense 
 would be apt to practice without any instruction. 
 Indeed, your own good disposition and common 
 sense must always be your guide, both in these 
 matters which I have mentioned and in all oth- 
 ers which may require your attention. Differ- 
 ent places and different people have different 
 customs, and this common sense of yours must 
 be ever quick to notice what are the particular 
 customs of the people in whose company you are 
 for the time. Hot that I would have you slav- 
 ishly copy the habits of others, but only modify 
 
90 
 
 EXCELSIOB. 
 
 your own by theirs ; provided always, that there 
 is nothing opposed to delicacy and good sense in 
 what they do. But there is in good manners a 
 wide margin, which allows perfect freedom of 
 taste to all persons ; so that the peculiar idiosyn- 
 cracies of each one may find full expression, 
 without necessarily betraying him into any ex- 
 travagance or vulgarity. The French, English, 
 Germans, Belgians, Americans, (fee., have each 
 their special ways of doing many things : as also 
 have those in humble and those in easy circum- 
 stances, as well as all the different classes of 
 social life. 
 
 The gentleman will conform himself, with an 
 unerring instinct and a delicate tact, to the ways 
 of the society in which he finds himself. He 
 makes himself at home in the cottage as well as 
 in the brown-stone mansion ; always easy, never 
 embarrassed ; neither oppressed by the splendor 
 of the wealthy, nor inconvenienced by the scant 
 accommodations of the poor; taking fine halls 
 and furniture, rich carvings, splendid paintings, 
 beautiful statues, refined ladies and gentlemen, 
 charming music, delicate viands, and elegant 
 accommodations of all kinds, or poor but hon- 
 est and intelligent men and women, with plain 
 fare and the best accommodations which they 
 can provide, all as matters of course. He is 
 happy, and acts as equal with equals, in both 
 places; and, departing from each, he leaves be- 
 hind him the memory and the name of gen- 
 tleman. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 91 
 
 Q- 
 
 it- 
 
 One who does not do this, who apes after the 
 grand ways of some people, and shoM's off his 
 superfine politeness before others, or acts in any 
 odd manner, will soon be noticed in all compa- 
 nies as a vulgar upstart. 
 
 Take the instincts of a good heart for your 
 guide, hold fast to the dictates of common sense, 
 and let it never slip out of your head that all 
 men are brothers— yow are equal to the highest 
 and not above the lowest. 
 
 Peactical Hints. — “ The difference between 
 the gentleman and the clown consists, not in 
 rank, wealth, education, or even intelligence, hut 
 rather in a thousand little things.” The follow- 
 ing hints, therefore, though each one may seem 
 quite insignificant, form, when taken together, a 
 code of laws almost as worthy our attention as 
 those which are found in the statute book. 
 
 When talking xuith strangers, or in their pres- 
 ence, no not lake it for granted that they think 
 as you do. I have known persons to speak with 
 violence against a certain religion, or a certain 
 party, or a certain man, and you may imagine 
 their feelings when they afterwards learned that 
 the strangers with whom they had conversed 
 were warm friends of those against whom they 
 had spoken with such ill-timed zeal. 
 
 When obliged to refuse a request, do so with 
 as much gentleness and kindness as possible. 
 Horace speaks of the “suaviter in modo” — gen- 
 tleness with y^rm?^e5■s— ytruly a gentleman’s motto. 
 You must be firm, and learn to say the little 
 
92 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 words “yes” and “no” when necessary; but say 
 them in an agreeable mannerj All persons can 
 say “yes” as a gentleman would; but it takes 
 the gentleman himself to say “no” so kindly 
 that you would prefer it to another man’s “yes.” 
 In truth, it is more delightful to be refused by 
 some persons than to obtain our request of 
 others. 
 
 Do not xvhistle in company or in public places. 
 Last summer I met a music-teacher every day, 
 who used to whistle in my face and in that of 
 everybody whom he passed on the street. 
 
 Do not drum with the feet or the fingers. It 
 is a rude habit, of which thoughtless persons are 
 often guilty, without meaning any harm. 
 
 Playing with the pocket-knife, jingling keys, 
 loose change, &c., are faults of a like character. 
 
 Do not make a parade of your jewelry, watch, 
 or other valuables. If you wish to see what is 
 the time of day it is not necessary to take par- 
 ticular pains to show that you carry a fine time- 
 piece. 
 
 In company do not look repeatedly at your 
 watch, even in a quiet manner ; to do so will not 
 be taken as a compliment to your friends, who 
 will suppose that you are weary of their society. 
 There is no harm, however, in looking at your 
 watch, if it should be necessary for you to leave 
 at a certain time, to take the cars, for instance. 
 Be guided, as usual, by good sense. 
 
 "'Loud talking in public places is very rude. 
 Little parties should keep their personal conver- 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 93 
 
 sations to themselves. Nothing shows good 
 breeding more than a quiet manner, a mellow 
 voice, and the decorousness and gentleness which 
 accompany that style of speech.” 
 
 “Never stand and talk in the open door when 
 you propose to go. We have seen a delicate 
 lady rise to dismiss her company, after they had 
 reached the door and must go right away; we 
 have seen such a lady stand till she turned pale 
 with fatigue or cold, while the visitor, ruddy and 
 strong, would stay for ten minutes to say just 
 one word more, and then stop again in the hall, 
 and again on the steps, and again on the side- 
 walk. When you have decided to leave, be off 
 at once.” 
 
 “At the entrance of a visitor you should rise, 
 unless 5mu are a professional man in your office.” 
 
 ''Swinging in, or tilting ones chair, is ex- 
 tremely ill-bred.” 
 
 Staring at others, especially with an eye-glass, 
 is impertinent. ' 
 
 To follow a lady in the street, or turn to stare 
 at her, is the mark of a ruffian. 
 
 Swearing, or improper speech of any kind, is 
 a sure sign of an ill-mannered man. 
 
 “Calling to the waiter with a loud voice, in a 
 public room, and striking violently on the table, 
 are indications of extreme ignorance.” 
 
 Asking many questions and telling long sto- 
 ries would soon make you an intolerable bore in 
 society. 
 
 In doing a friendly act for another, do not 
 
94 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 make liim feel kow ohliging you are. An En- 
 glishman once offered liis coat to a shivering 
 companion. “It keeps me very comfortable,” 
 said he, “and I know it will make you warm.” 
 “No, take mine,” said a Frenchman, who was 
 standing hy, “I do not need it; I am very warm 
 without it.” The Englishman was kind but not 
 polite; the Frenchman was both. 
 
 ^'Introduce no person until you are sure it is 
 agreeable to both parties. Introduce gentlemen 
 to ladies, not ladies to gentlemen, and younger 
 persons to those who are older — the lesser always 
 to the greater.” 
 
 As for the form of introduction, you may say, 
 “Mr. Jones, let me introduce to you Mr. Smith ;” 
 or, “Allow me to present to you Mr. Smith;” or, 
 “I have the honor (or pleasure) to present to you 
 my friend, Mr. Smith;” or, more simply, “Mr. 
 Jones, my friend, Mr. Smith.” 
 
 Remember that ‘ ‘ too much familiarity breeds 
 contempt;"' be satisfied with friendly relations, 
 without becoming too intimate. “Distance lends 
 enchantment to the view.” There are none of 
 us perfect; besides, we should respect the per- 
 sonality of our friend, as being something sacred 
 between himself and his Maker. No one can 
 have more than one or two very near friends, 
 even though he should be acquainted with all the 
 world. 
 
 Do not be guilty of practical johes. It is very 
 poor wit which wounds another’s feelings ; and no 
 gentleman will indulge in it, however tempting. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 95 
 
 Do not leave a stranger without a &eat; but 
 never offer your own, if there is another in the 
 room. 
 
 Always take off your hat in the presence of a 
 lady. Many persons neglect this in public halls 
 where ladies are present, but it is a mark of im- 
 politeness. 
 
 In public places it is not necessary to salute 
 an acquaintance the second time you meet him. 
 
 Do not tire others with long stories about your 
 own troubles or affairs. 
 
 Never receive a favor without at least a 
 “Thank you,” or pass before another, step on a 
 dress, or commit any blunder by mistake, with- 
 out at least an “Excuse me.” 
 
 Here are twenty-one things by which many 
 persons show themselves ill-mannered : 
 
 ‘ ‘ Boisterous laughter. 
 
 “Beading when others are talking. 
 
 “ A want of reverence for superiors. 
 
 “ Keceiving a present without some manifes- 
 tation of gratitude. 
 
 “Making yourself the topic of conversation. 
 
 “ Laughing at the mistakes of others. 
 
 “ Joking others in company. 
 
 “ Correcting older persons than yourself, espe- 
 cially parents and superiors. 
 
 ‘ ‘ To commence talking before others are 
 through. 
 
 “ Answering questions when put to others. 
 
 “ Commencing to eat as soon as you get to the 
 table. 
 
96 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 “ AVliispering or talking loudly in cliurch, 
 at a lecture or concert, or leaving before it is 
 closed. 
 
 “ Gazing at strangers, or listening to the con- 
 versation of others, when not addressed to your- 
 self, or intended for your hearing. 
 
 “ Reading aloud in company without being 
 asked, or talking, whispering, or doing anything 
 that diverts attention while a person is reading 
 for the pleasure of the company. 
 
 “Talking of private affairs loudly in cars, 
 ferry-boats, stages, or at a public table ; or ques- 
 tioning a person about his business or his per- 
 sonal and private matters anywhere in company, 
 especially in a loud tone. 
 
 “In not listening to what one is saying in 
 company, unless you desire to show contempt for 
 the speaker. A well-bred person will not make 
 an observation while another of the company is 
 addressing himself to it. 
 
 “ Breaking in upon or interrupting persons 
 
 who are eng^a^ed in business. 
 
 .00 
 
 ‘ ‘ Peeping from private rooms when persons 
 are passing, coming in or going out. 
 
 “ Cutting or biting the finger-nails in com- 
 pany, picking the teeth, scratching the head or 
 pulling hairs therefrom. 
 
 “ Handling articles in a private room or office, 
 asking their price, use, &c., or touching or read- 
 ing any written paper; it is a great imperti- 
 nence.” 
 
 Never stand talking with a friend in the 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 97 
 
 middle of a sidewalk, making everybody pass 
 around you ; and never skulk along on the left- 
 hand side, but “take the right” in all cases, 
 unless you meet a lady on a narrow walk, when 
 you may take the outside. Two persons abreast 
 meeting one person, should not sweep him ofi’into 
 the mud ; but the nearest should fall back a step 
 and pass in single file. When two walk to- 
 gether, and it is necessary for one to precede the 
 other, the general rule is, that the one deserving 
 of most attention precedes, unless there be danger 
 or uncertainty ahead. The young man steps 
 aside, bows, and allows the lady, or the clergy- 
 man, or the older man, as the case may be, to 
 pass on — but if his companion be fearful or 
 ignorant of the way, he Avill boAV, and pass ahead 
 himself — that is, he will give his companion the 
 most honorable place, unless that be the post of 
 danger, in which case he will boldly assume it 
 himself. 
 
 Pass before a lady going up a flight of stairs ; 
 allow her to precede you in the descent. 
 
 Keep good company, or none. 
 
 Never break your engagements ; a gentlemen’s 
 word should be as sacred as an oath. 
 
 NeA-er fail to apologise when guilty of a fault; 
 pride in this respect has destroyed many warm 
 friendships. 
 
 Do not take up the time of your friend, by 
 sitting and talking ; he may have pressing need 
 of the moments you are Avasting, and Avish you 
 were in the SandAAUch Islands. 
 
 9 
 
98 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 “Never speak of a man’s virtues before bis 
 face, nor of bis faults behind his back.” 
 
 You should lift or at least touch your hat 
 respectfully with the right hand, on meeting an 
 acquaintance, especially if a clergyman, a lady, 
 or an elderly person. 
 
 Do not, without permission, sit or remain 
 covered in the presence of these latter persons or 
 any other superior. 
 
 In passing, you should allow a lady or an old 
 person to take the inside of the walk, when the 
 outside might be dangerous ; otherwise you may 
 follow the general rule, “turn to the right.” 
 
 A gentleman’s conduct towards ladies is 
 marked by respectful, not familiar, acts of polite- 
 ness. 
 
 It is a sign of a had heart, as well as of had 
 manners, to show a want of consideration for the 
 feelings of others. Do not, therefore, laugh at 
 the mistakes of others, or try to ridicule them 
 by drawing attention to their faults or blunders ; 
 rather strive to correct your own. 
 
 I have now given you a brief outline of the 
 requirements of good manners. Your common 
 sense and gentlemanly disposition to do what is 
 proper, must supply what I have omitted. 
 
 You will learn by-and-by, what a wonderful 
 help these good manners are in passing through 
 life. It is the polite merchant that grows 
 wealthy ; the polite lawyer that has his hands 
 full of cases ; the polite physician that has a 
 large practice ; the polite statesman that rules 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 99 
 
 his country; and even the polite minister of God, 
 that wins most souls for Heaven. 
 
 Without politeness, talent is nothing, educa- 
 tion is nothing, strength is nothing, beauty is 
 nothing, wealth is nothing, rank is nothing, and, 
 in this country, even power is nothing ; with it, 
 they are everything, and even though they be 
 lacking, it will win a way for you into the most 
 refined circles of society, and be, of itself almost, 
 the means of obtaining for you happy success in 
 life. 
 
100 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 ONVERSATION is a matter of 
 so much interest to all men, as 
 social beings, and of so much 
 importance to young men who 
 hope to succeed in the world, 
 that I have thought it worthy 
 of a separate chapter. 
 
 This accomplishment is to 
 _ some persons a gift; like the 
 
 poet, they are born with their glorious powers. 
 But many who converse intelligently and pleas- 
 antly have become masters in the art by patient 
 care and study ; and all persons of even ordinary 
 abilities would find, if they made the effort, that 
 conversation, like every other accomplishment, 
 is an art to be acquired as well as a gift of 
 nature. 
 
 The poet is indeed born ; but, in s})ite of the 
 proverb, he is also made. It is true, that from 
 sowing mullen seeds we shall not gather roses ; 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 101 
 
 but it is equally true, that if we plant the seed 
 of the rose in barren ground, and leave it to 
 grow without care, it will no longer be the queen 
 of the garden. In like manner, the greatest 
 genius, without the circumstances and training 
 which bring out and cultivate his powers, could 
 never become the poet, the artist, the orator, the 
 statesman, whom we revere. 
 
 So with all the good things of civilized life ; 
 they are in part the gift of nature, and in part 
 the fruit of culture. The poet is born and made, 
 the orator is born and made ; and the conversa- 
 tionalist is no exception — he, too, is born and 
 made. 
 
 Study, then, to acquire the power of convers- 
 ing freely and agreeably with your friends and 
 the companions you may meet in society. Na- 
 ture has given you as it were the rudiments of 
 conversation ; it is in your power to develop this 
 gift until you become perfect master of your 
 speech, in all places, with all persons, and under 
 all circumstances. Not that it is well to talk 
 always ; for, according to the proverb, speech is 
 silver and silence is gold ; but it is well to be 
 able always to say the right word in tile right 
 time. Excessive talking on silly subjects is very 
 tiresome ; but dull silence is also tiresome. The 
 young man who is trying to rise in the world 
 must understand when to be silent, for silence is 
 often very necessary; but he must also under- 
 stand when and how to speak, for speech is often 
 still more necessary. 
 
 9 * 
 
102 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 For your words, I would advise you to take 
 the plain out-spoken English, not troubling your 
 head whether it comes from the Saxon or from 
 the Latin ; hut attending only to the fact that it 
 is simple, elegant English, which all persons can 
 understand. Avoid every low or vulgar word 
 and expression as you would unclean food; plain- 
 ness is not vulgarity. Pronounce every word 
 correctly ; if you have forgotten how, do not use 
 the word until you have looked into your dic- 
 tionary. Make no grammatical blunders ; if you 
 are not sure of jmurself, consult your grammar. 
 Purity of language is the first requisite for 
 agreeable and entertaining conversation. Note 
 these three marks of vulgarity in pronouncing 
 words: 1st. Not sounding vowels distinctly 
 
 and correctly. 2d. Mispronouncing proper 
 names. 3d. Not pronouncing ing at the end of 
 words. 
 
 For further hints and advice to those who wish 
 to improve their conversational powers, I cannot 
 do better than to refer them to the following ex- 
 cellent remarks of a recent writer,* who “insists, 
 from his own experience, that conversation is an 
 art as Well as a gift ; and that where it is not a 
 gift, the deficiency may be more surely supple- 
 mented by art than almost any other : ’ ’ 
 
 “I will ask you to consider that single depart- 
 ment of speech, which we call conversation. Did 
 you ever think how great a ' power in the world 
 
 * The author of a “ Letter to a Silent Friend,” in the Atlantic 
 Monthly for August, 1865. 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 103 
 
 this is? See how early it begins to shape our 
 opinions, our plans, our studies, our tastes, our 
 attachments, etc. I remember that a casual re- 
 mark, dropped in conversation by a beloved and 
 revered relative, long before I had entered my 
 teens, made me for years feel more kindly to- 
 wards the much-abused natives of the Emerald 
 Isle, though I have no doubt that she whose 
 word I had listened to with so much deference, 
 was entirely unsuspicious of having lodged such 
 a fruitful seed in my memory. If you can re- 
 call the formative periods of your own life, I have 
 no doubt you also will find hundreds of similar 
 instances, where a new direction was given to 
 your sentiments and purposes by some quite 
 random words of friendly and domestic thought. 
 Consider how large a part of the life of most 
 human beings is spent in society of some sort, 
 and then reflect how that society is bound to- 
 gether and constituted as it were by familiar 
 speech, and you will begin to appreciate the ex- 
 tent of the power of conversation. Compare this 
 power with that of written language — as books, 
 letters, (fee., or even with more formal spoken 
 language, such as orations, sermons, and the 
 like — and I think you vdll allow that it sur- 
 passes them all in its diffusion and its perma- 
 nence. We talk to keep up good feeling, to en- 
 liven the else dull hours, to give expression to 
 our interest in one another, and throw off the 
 burden of too much private care and thought. 
 We have also in special cases more serious ends 
 
104 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 in view, when we talk to reprove or encourage, 
 to console or arouse. Conversation establishes a 
 personal relation between yourself and another 
 soul. You can hide you thoughts under your 
 words, if you choose to be a hypocrite ; but I 
 am taking for granted that you are a man of 
 truth,— ‘a man of your word,’ as the common 
 phrase happily has it. I assume that you would 
 be glad to talk, because you wish to form sin- 
 cere and friendly relations with your fellow men. 
 Silence is unsocial: there lies its condemnation. 
 True social feeling, true warmth and cordiality, 
 naturally expresses itself in words. I have no- 
 ticed that a great deal of taciturnity comes from 
 a distrust or suspicion that our words may be 
 misconstrued, or that they may not be appre- 
 ciated, or that they may chance to give serious 
 offense. Now, in my opinion, one had better 
 make innumerable blunders than indulge such 
 unworthy fears and suspicions. A little less 
 vanity, and vastly more courage and self-forget- 
 fulness — such is the remedy to be administered 
 to many of the taciturn. 
 
 “ And what, after all, constitutes the charm 
 and the power of conversation, and makes it so 
 desirable an attainment? Not, certainly, the 
 amount of knowledge one can bring into play ; 
 for, as I have already shown, instruction is a 
 secondary object of conversation ; and it is well 
 known also that some of the most learned and 
 best-informed men have been very poor talkers. 
 But neither can you rely upon brilliant talents. 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 105 
 
 or original genius, or even upon wit and Immor, 
 to make the most charming converser. The 
 qualities more immediately in requisition for this 
 end are moral and social. Truth, courage, def- 
 erence, good-nature, cheerfulness, sympathy, 
 courtesy, tact, charity— these are ingredients of 
 the best conversation, which it would seem that 
 no one need despair of attaining, and without 
 wliich, in large measure, the most brilliant wit, 
 the liveliest imagination must soon repel rather 
 than attract. And observe also, in connection 
 with this, that it is not so much the words which 
 a man utters as the tones of his voice which ex- 
 press these moral and social qualities. Harsli, 
 rude, blunt, severe tones will spoil the greatest 
 flow of ideas or the utmost elegance of lan- 
 guage. . . . Borne cynical or unsocial char- 
 
 acter, deeming himself superior to the vulgar 
 vacuity and insipidity, will take no part in the 
 every-day talk, which deals so largely in com- 
 monplace and truism. ‘Absurd waste of time 
 and breath!’ he exclaims. ‘Of what use this 
 incessant harping on the weather, or the renewed 
 inquiries after one’s health, or the utter point- 
 less, if not insincere, exchange of daily civilities? 
 Who is the wiser for it? What possible good 
 can it do anybody?’ Let us look a little at this, 
 Mr. Cynic. You think it a waste of breath to 
 greet a friend with a ‘good morning,’ or to give 
 your testimony to the beauty of the day? Of 
 course you are right, if one should never open 
 his mouth but to impart a new idea, or to an- 
 
106 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 nounce some startling fact. But wliat would 
 you substitute for the morning salutation? 
 Nothing. And would you really have two 
 friends or brothers meet on the threshold of a 
 new day, and interchange blank silence? I ad- 
 mit there is no variety in the words. But it is 
 the heartiness we put into them which gives 
 them their value. For myself, I can truly say, 
 that man^ aad many a time this morning salu- 
 tation, spoken out with a generous fullness, has 
 touched my heart as with a happy prophecy, 
 which the day was sure to fulfill. As to the 
 dreadfully threadbare topic of the weather, I 
 must confess I often hear it to satiety ; but that 
 is when it ceases to be the mere prelude to the 
 dialogue, and occupies one’s whole talk. ‘What 
 a glorious day we have!’ when interpreted ra- 
 tionally, means nothing less than this : ‘ Come, 
 let us enjoy together the lavish bounty of the 
 Creator!’ We maybe sensible of a newer and 
 purer joy for such an appeal. Already we were 
 glad to have the sun shine so brightly ; but it 
 seems doubly bright now that our friend has 
 invited us to share his joy. 
 
 “But now I fancy you replying to all this — 
 ‘You do not hit my difficulty. I have no 
 trouble in talking to a chosen companion. My 
 friend ‘draws me out,’ because I am his friend. 
 In his preasence my tongue is easily loosed ; I 
 have no hesitation in saying exactly what I wish, 
 and there are innumerable things that I wish to 
 say. But the great majority of men ‘ shut me 
 
CONVERSATION'. 
 
 107 
 
 up.’ All my fluency departs when they enter. 
 There is an indescribable awkwardness in our 
 interview.’ 
 
 “ I frankly admit, that it is very unreasonable 
 to suppose we can talk equally well and feel 
 equally at ease with all kinds of persons. Not 
 only organization, but habits, occupations, and 
 culture, make inevitable differences between 
 men, such as render it less easy for them to 
 converse together. This, perhaps, cannot be es- 
 sentially remedied. But the true remedy is to 
 be sought in a more hearty recognition of that 
 common humanity, which underlies all shades 
 and diversities of human character. You hap- 
 pen to be thrown into the same public convey- 
 ance with a man of no literary or intellectual 
 tastes. ‘All his talk is of oxen,’ or perchance 
 of his speculations and profits in trade. More- 
 over, he offends your ear by a shocking disre- 
 gard of grammar and vulgarisms of pronunciation. 
 Your first reflection is, ‘What can I have to say 
 to such a man? How unfortunate to be con- 
 demned to such company!’ Yet is there not 
 something human Were it only as 
 
 an intellectual exercise, why not try to find out 
 the real man beneath all these wrappages ? 
 
 ‘ ‘ But how to draw him out? What effectual 
 method to break through this hard or coarse 
 co-vering?’ I have no infallible directions to give 
 you. But you must first have a genuine interest 
 in him as a new specimen of a man : and then 
 you must be able to inspire him with confidence 
 
108 
 
 EXCELSIOIL 
 
 in you, confidence that you respect him for his 
 human nature, and hold yourself to be on an 
 equality with him, inasmuch as ‘ man measures 
 man, the world over.’ Start some topic which 
 will evidently not he remote from his familiar 
 range, and hy a little tact, you will easily find 
 other related topics, till at last, as the field con- 
 tinually widens, you will both be amazed to see 
 how many common interests, desires, beliefs, you 
 had, and how much unexpected benefit each has 
 received from the other. Were there no other 
 advantage to be sought from the power of general 
 conversation, this alone should be enough to in- 
 duce us to cultivate it : that so many uncomforta- 
 ble social distinctions would thereby be removed. 
 Have you not often heard it said, that if certain 
 classes only ‘knew each other better,’ they 
 would be better friends, no longer separated by 
 mutual envies; jealousies, and contempt. How 
 conversation is the readiest way to this mutual 
 acquaintance, and it specially behooves one of 
 the educated class to make the first advances in 
 conversation. Talk of the virtue of silence! I 
 will tell you, from my own experience, of a 
 thousand cases where the simple failure to speak, 
 has kept up a coolness and alienation, which one 
 little word would have dispersed forever. Among 
 the many sins and weaknesses which I have to 
 lay at my own door, few give me greater com- 
 punction than the cowardice — -or whatever else 
 it was-^which kept back the timely words that 
 ought to have been uttered, but were not. 
 
CONVEBSATION. 
 
 109 
 
 “It would seem, that, if conversation is an art, 
 like other arts, there must be rules and methods 
 to attain to it. This is true ; but mere facility, 
 propriety, or elegance of speech, is but a small 
 part of the discipline required to make an agree- 
 able and profitable talker. You must have 
 something to express, something that you long 
 to utter, something that you feel it would be for 
 the advantage of others to hear. For the fur- 
 nishing of mind and heart comes before any 
 special power to hring out of one’s treasury things 
 new or old. In other words, the power to con- 
 verse well is not an isolated and independent 
 power ; it has a close relation to the entire char- 
 acter, moral and intellectual. An enlightened 
 conscience would make many persons better 
 talkers than they are now, for it would present 
 the matter in the light of a duty. A conscious- 
 ness of intellectual power or of ample learning, 
 makes one more ready to open his mouth before 
 intelligent men ; and yet it is no good reason for 
 maintaining silence in the presence of some 
 eminent scholar, that he knoivs so much more 
 than you. Why not come to him as a learner? 
 The art of putting questions well is no small 
 part of the art of conversation. You can de- 
 rive information from him in the most direct and 
 impressive manner, while at the same time you 
 are showing a pleasing deference to his superior 
 knowledge. Or suppose the case reversed, and 
 that you are the more learned of the two, may 
 you not benefit some young scholar by question- 
 
110 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ing liim so skillfully, that lie shall seem to have 
 imparted all the information evolved, instead of 
 receiving it ? The ‘ wisest of mankind ’ always 
 declared that he merely drew out the sentiments 
 of those he talked with. He assisted in the de- 
 livery of their thoughts. He simply helped 
 them to that most valuable knowledge — the 
 knowledge of themselves. He was forever put- 
 ting questions to them, with a result which often 
 surprised and sometimes made them angry, but 
 which, at any rate, effectually served the inter- 
 ests of truth. And, upon the whole, I do not 
 know any rule for making a good talker which 
 deserves a more prominent place than this : Put 
 YOUE QUESTIONS PROPERLY, AND ASK MANY QUES- 
 TIONS. Observe how naturally nearly all con- 
 versation begins with an inquiry. ‘ When did 
 you arrive ?’ ‘ Are you a stranger here ?’ ‘ How 
 
 far did you walk to day ?’ ‘ Which view did you 
 
 most enjoy?’ ‘Hid you hear any news from the 
 seat of war?’ The simple reason of this method, 
 as already intimated, is, that it puts the questioner 
 in a more modest position. He whom you ques- 
 tion, has the agreeable consciousness of being 
 able to impart something which you have not. 
 You put yourself in the background, and make 
 him tlie important person. He is therefore at 
 once amicably disposed towards you, and is not 
 likely to let the conversation languish, so 
 auspiciously begun. He, in turn, becomes the 
 questioner, and so, in not many moments, you 
 stand on the footing of equals. But remember. 
 
GONVEBSATION. 
 
 Ill 
 
 all this is true only on the condition that the 
 questions are properly put. If they manifest an 
 impertinent curiosity, a mere disposition to pry 
 into affairs which do not belong to one — if they 
 are of a nature to expose the ignorance of the 
 questioned, even though not intended for such — 
 if they are incessant, and unrelieved by any af- 
 firmations, as though you were unwilling to com- 
 mit yourself, or grudged to impart your knowl- 
 edge — and, finally, if the tone and voice of the 
 questioner imply a feeling of superiority, then, 
 instead of promoting conversation, you will have 
 done your worst to check it. Again, before put- 
 ting your questions, consider a little the character 
 of the man or woman whom you would address ; 
 for, while some evidently delight in being the ob- 
 jects of interrogation, others are as plainly, be- 
 yond a very moderate amount, annoyed by it. 
 You will gain nothing by the rudeness of press- 
 ing your questions upon unwilling ears.” 
 
 [This advice is well illustrated by the following 
 anecdote of Benjamin Franklin: On a cold, 
 rainy day, Franklin, half famished and frozen, 
 happened to stop at this inn, and requested a 
 night’s lodging and a warm supper. The owner, 
 an inquisitive old woman, while busying her- 
 self with pans and kettles, addressed the follow- 
 ing questions to the guest: From down East? 
 Yes. Late hour; what business do you follow? 
 Married? How many children? Where are 
 you going? Ac. This was too much for the 
 weary traveler, and to put an end to such in- 
 
112 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 quisitiveness lie said : My good dame, call in here 
 your husband, sons, daughters and neighbors. 
 Wlien they were assembled, Franklin said to 
 them: Friends, I have sent for you to inform 
 you, that my name is Be.njamin Franklin; I was 
 l)orn in Boston, am a printer by trade, have' no 
 wife, no children, no money, am going to Phila- 
 delphia. Now please let me eat my supper in 
 peace, and good night to you all.] To continue 
 the quotation : 
 
 “Conversation implies some reciprocity — not 
 by any means an equal amount of words on both 
 sides, but at any rate, some sign of intelligence, 
 some expression of interest, some listening ear 
 and face to encourage you ; else it were better to 
 utter your monologue to the woods and flowers. 
 
 “Another rule of conversation, as old at least 
 as George Herbert, is : To talk with men on 
 
 THE SUBJECTS WHICH BELONG TO THEIR PECULIAR 
 CALLING OR OCCUPATION, — with a farmer, about 
 his crops ; Muth a merchant, about the markets ; 
 with a sailor, about the charms and perils of the 
 sea, etc. Let it be only with considerable quali- 
 fication that you accept this rule. I like Cole- 
 ridge’s comment on it: Talk with a man about 
 his trade or business, if your object is to get 
 information on such points ; but if you wish to 
 know the man himself, try him on all other topics 
 sooner. The rule, however, is a convenient one ; 
 it is almost instinctively adopted in general soci- 
 ety ; and if judiciously applied, it may express a 
 friendly feeling, which it is very desirable to com- 
 mence with. It is not applied judiciously when 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 113 
 
 you seem to assume by it that your interlocutor 
 is limited to these topics, and that ‘ the cobbler 
 must stick to his last ’ in word as well as deed. 
 Or, again, if your questions shall have the air of 
 ‘ pumping ’ him you will not make much progress 
 towards friendly communication ; for that seems 
 an unfair advantage to take of your position, 
 besides that it is making of him a mere conve- 
 nience, not treating him as an equal, hlo one 
 likes to be catechised after he has grown to man’s 
 estate. I advise you, therefore, to use this rule 
 simply as a convenient introduction to conversa- 
 tion, where other methods fail, and to rely more 
 upon a rule which is, in some respects, the re- 
 verse of this : Begin by talking about those 
 
 THINGS WHIOH INTEEEST YOUESELF, assuming that 
 your interlocutor is interested in them also. But 
 I must warn you that here even more tact and 
 discretion are required than in any other case. 
 It is plain that I must add to my rule, provided 
 your interest does not lie in things too remote 
 from common apprehension and sympathy. Be- 
 member what I have already said about our 
 ‘common humanity.’ Do not be so absorbed in 
 your favorite study that you shall not also have 
 an eye and a heart for matters pertaining to the 
 general welfare. 
 
 “Let me -lay it down as a further rule: To 
 
 MAKE IT A POINT TO INFOEM YOUESELF ON A VAEI- 
 ETY OF TOPICS. One of the greatest hindrances 
 to profitable and entertaining conversation is the 
 extremely limited range of ideas with which most 
 10 * 
 
114 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 })ersons are familiar. They could doubtless tell 
 you of a great many facts which have interested 
 tliem ; hut ask them for their ideas, and they are 
 dumb. They will talk to you of persons as long 
 as you will listen, hut oi principles they seem to 
 have only the remotest conception. Now I do 
 not quite agree that ‘ personality is the bane of 
 conversation;’ for persons come nearer to our 
 every-day sympathies, and one need not, one 
 does not, always bring them forward for gossip 
 and scandal. But does it not denote extreme 
 poverty of thought to introduce personalities into 
 every conversation? Let them rather be illus- 
 trations, and thus stepping-stones to something 
 higher and more edifying. Come now and then, 
 at least, fully prepared for something like intel- 
 lectual gymnastics. Put your whole strength 
 into the conflict. Glather up all your forces of 
 thought and knowledge, and do your best, as a 
 man among men, contending not for victory or 
 display, but for the truth and the right. Now 
 I am not pretending that you can make a debat- 
 ing club out of every mixed company you may 
 chance to meet, but only that you should carry 
 into all society a readiness to discuss the higher 
 topics, whenever they .come up naturally to mind. 
 Here it is tact again, and evermore tact, which 
 is required to make the rule efilcient — tact, to 
 prevent ‘lugging in’ unseasonable topics — tact, 
 to avoid too long a discussion — tact, to keep out 
 offensive egotism — tact, in general, to adapt one’s 
 self to one’s surroundings. 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 115 
 
 “ I have exalted ‘tact’ in conversation, but I 
 would exalt simplicity no less. Lay aside the 
 too many folds. Learn the courage to ‘ speak 
 right out,’ when you know that your heart is 
 charged with no malice or vanity, that you 
 should fear to speak. Have you never envied 
 the courage of children in this respect? I have. 
 And it has seemed to me that to ‘ become as little 
 children’, is nowhere more urgently required 
 than here, and that no rule would sooner make 
 talkers out of the silent ones.” ^ 
 
 Lbttbks. — Letters may be considered as a 
 kind of written conversation ; and almost every 
 observation which has been made concerning 
 conversation proper may with equal propriety be 
 applied to the writing of letters. The language 
 should be pure and simple English, neither 
 vulgar nor over-learned. Correctness is even 
 more essential than in common conversation. 
 In the latter, “slips of the tongue” are often 
 excusable. But in writing, we are supposed to 
 have more leisure, and therefore there is no ex- 
 cuse for the use of an improper word, for a 
 violation of a rule of syntax, or for the mis- 
 spelling of a word. A single fault of this kind 
 has often blighted the prospects of a hopeful 
 and promising young man ; and the letter which 
 he trusted would pave the way for his promotion 
 in life has become the chief obstruction in his 
 onward path to eminence. Use, then, pure,' 
 simple English, which all persons can under- 
 stand, and with which the most correct scholar 
 
116 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 can find no fault. But beware of that other 
 common fault of making your letters stiff and 
 formal ; let your letter, like your speech, come 
 right from the heart. Have no pretensions 
 which you do not feel. And, in general, take 
 for your guide the rules and instructions which 
 have been laid down above for conversation. 
 
 PEACTICAL DIKECTIONS. 
 
 It is supposed in these days of cheap postage 
 and general correspondence, there are few per- 
 sons who do not know how to prepare a letter so 
 that its appearance at least, if not its contents, 
 shall be correct, neat, and in good style ; but for 
 the benefit of these few, some directions may be 
 desirable, as well as some suggestions to those 
 who do know what is required on these points, 
 but not on others connected with the subject. 
 
 Letter paper of good quality, but perfectly 
 plain, except the initials of the writer embossed 
 oil it, is in the best taste. For a ceremonious 
 letter, the paper should be “letter size.” En- 
 velopes should correspond in style and quality 
 with the letter. Buff, yellow, or pearl-colored 
 envelopes, may be used for business letters, or 
 those of less' ceremony. Billed paper, though 
 admissible, is not in such good style as unruled. 
 You should have a page of ruled lines to slip 
 under the sheet, if you cannot write straight 
 without ; also a small piece to slip in envelopes, 
 for writing the direction evenly. 
 
 If your letter is to be a long one, you may 
 commence as near the top of the page as you 
 
CONVEBSATION. 
 
 117 
 
 please, there is no rule for this ; for a shorter 
 letter, begin proportionately lower; for only a 
 few lines, arrange it so that the whole, signa- 
 ture and all, will be on one page. Write the 
 date near the right-hand side of the first page, 
 one line below the name of your place of residence, 
 giving, if in the city, also your street and number ; 
 if in the country, your postTtown, county, and 
 state. Attention to this rule will be a great 
 convenience to your correspondent, and also con- 
 duce- to the safety of letters addressed in re])ly 
 to yourself. About two lines below, at the 
 left-hand, you make some personal address. In 
 a ceremonious letter, the name of the person ad- 
 dressed — “Mr.” or “Mrs. ,” is placed above 
 
 the greeting — “Dear Sir,” or “Madam.” Use 
 good hlack ink ; pale ink is inexcusable, when 
 Avith a little pains, and at small expense, a good 
 quality may always be had. Blue ink is never 
 safe to use for letters, for if it gets damp the 
 Avriting Avill become illegible. If you make a 
 mistake in a Avord, it is better to score it OA-er, 
 and Avrite aboA^e, rather than trying to erase it 
 by scratching Avith a knife and Avriting in the 
 same place. At the end of your letter, after a 
 few Avords of respect, more or less formal, as the 
 occasion requires, your signature comes on the 
 right-hand side, in rather a larger hand than the 
 letter itself. A line beloAV this, toAvards the 
 left-hand, you put the name and address of your 
 corresponclent, especially in a ceremonious letter ; 
 this also insures greater safetv in deliAwry in let- 
 
118 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ters that are to go a great distance, and risk 
 having the envelopes worn off. 
 
 In the form of envelopes, fashion is almost as 
 variable as in dress ; however, a very long and 
 narrow one is hardly ever in good taste, except for 
 small notes ; square looking ones have a clumsy 
 appearance. Your envelope may have your ini- 
 tials embossed on the overfold, at the point, to 
 correspond with the letter paper, in colors if you 
 wish, though plain white is more elegant. 
 
 The folding of a letter is of almost as much 
 importance, where appearance is concerned, as 
 the handwriting ; and a handsome clear hand is 
 almost an excuse for errors in orthography or 
 grammar, or would be, were it possible to call 
 them excusable. Your letter should be folded 
 with exact care to fit the envelope, that is, so as 
 not to fit tightly; only practice can teach this. 
 In folding a letter, have the doubled part of the 
 sheet towards you, and fold that over; in this 
 way you will be more secure of keeping the 
 edges even. If your letter is of more than one 
 sheet, number the pages, and fold each sheet 
 separate — it will be clumsy if folded together. 
 In directing your letter, do not, after the fashion 
 of so many persons, especially ladies, crowd it 
 all into one corner, leaving nearly the whole en- 
 velope blank. It is in far more distinguished 
 taste to begin about half way from the top, or 
 even one-third, if the direction is to be long. 
 After the name of your correspondent,' comes, if 
 in a city, the number and name of the street — 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 119 
 
 commencing the line a little more to the right, 
 then following the same rule, the city’s name and 
 the State ; for a country town, always give the 
 name of the county and State. You ma}^ either 
 use the usual abbreviations of the names of the 
 States, or give them in full, but never of a city 
 or town; Yew York, Boston, Philadelphia must 
 always be written in full. The same rule ap- 
 plies in a letter for foreign countries ; the name 
 of the country. Prance, Spain, Italy, England, 
 must be written at length ; and in writing frorn. 
 foreign countries to America: United States of 
 North America, or Lima, Peru, South America, 
 as the case may be, in full. 
 
 Always give your correspondent his title, if 
 he has a professional one. To a clergyman 
 Rev. or Very Rev., as his rank entitles him ; to a 
 Bishop Right Rev., and Most Rev. to an Arch- 
 bishop, with D. D. also following the name, as 
 all are supposed to have the degree of Doctor of 
 Divinity. If you are aware a clergyman belongs 
 to a religious order, it is also courteous to place 
 the initial letters of its name after his, in smaller 
 characters, as 0. S. C., S. J., or 0. 8. A; respect- 
 ively indicating the members of the Congregation 
 of the Holy Cross, of the Society of Jesus, and 
 of the Order of St. Augustine. 
 
 In addressing the President of the Union, it is 
 not now, so much as formerly, the custom to use 
 the term “Excellency;” — “To the President of 
 the United States,” is sufficient. For the Gover- 
 nor ol a State, a Member of the Cabinet, or 
 
1-10 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Congress, a Judge of the Supreme Court, or an 
 Ambassador, always add the prefix Hon. (Honor- 
 able,) to their proper titles. Mr . — in the case of 
 hlembers of the Cabinet and Congress, for the 
 latter., M. Cxalso after the name. For a Judge — 
 
 “Hon. Judge .” For a GoA^ernor, “Hon. 
 
 Mr. , Governor of Hew York, or as it 
 
 may be. Always address an officer of the army 
 or navy, by the title belonging to his rank, and 
 add after the name U. S. A. or U. S. H., accord- 
 ing to the arm of service he belongs to. To a 
 physician, give his title of Dr. or his name with 
 M. D. following it, and no title in that case; to 
 a gentleman holding a professorship in a univer- 
 sity or college, preface his name with Prof, or 
 Professor, without Mr.; and remember, neA^er to 
 degrade this honorable title by giving it to the 
 exhibitors of sleight-of-hand tricks, mesmerists, 
 or other charlatans, as has of late groAAua to be 
 too much the custom. 
 
 Alarried ladies are generally addressed by the 
 Christian name of their husbands, as Mrs: George 
 Smith. And the Avives of officers, judges, &c., 
 as Mrs. General, Mrs. Captain, or Mrs. Judge., 
 In directing your letter, be careful the lapoA^er on 
 one side, and direction on the other correspond; 
 it gHes an up-side-doAvn look If they do not. 
 
 It is rarely the custom noAV, to seal letters with 
 Avax, unless of some ceremony; in that case, a 
 crest or your initials is the only device admissi- 
 ble on the signet. Only fine red, or, if in mourn- 
 ing, black Avax is in leally good taste. It re- 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 121 
 
 quires practice to make a neat seal. For notes, 
 always use very small seals if you use any at 
 all. A letter of introduction is always left un- 
 sealed. Let a note be either wholly in the first 
 person, or wholly in the third; many persons 
 make a confused jumble by disregarding this 
 rule. And beware of giving them, unless as- 
 sured it will be agreeable to the party addressed. 
 An introductory letter must be delivered in person. 
 A letter carried by one person for another should 
 be sealed. 
 
 In writing a letter relating wholly to your own 
 interests, asking a favor, requesting an autograph, 
 or desiring any information, politeness strictly re- 
 quires you to enclose a stamp for the reply. In 
 corresponding with relatives, intimate friends, or 
 persons of small means, this also is not only ad- 
 missible, but kind and considerate. In writing 
 to. persons in narrow circumstances, never show 
 any sense of inferiority in them, by using any less 
 elegant style in the material part of your letter 
 or note ; such slights are always noticed and felt. 
 
 Finally, for this may be read by some person 
 to whom the warning is pertinent, to break the 
 seal of a letter addressed to another, is an offence 
 of which the law. takes cognizance, and meets 
 out due punishment. 
 
 To read, unpermitted, an open letter belonging 
 to another, is morally as felonious and disreputa- 
 ble. The same may be said in regard to any 
 piece of writing belongiiig to another ; mind your 
 own business.. 
 
 11 
 
122 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 VOCATION. 
 
 OAV, wlien the happy days of school 
 and college — the clear days of hoy- 
 hood education — are over, and the 
 sterner training of manhood begins, 
 the great question which every 
 youth must ask himself, as he steps 
 from the home of his fathers into 
 the wide, working world, is : What 
 shall be my occupation through 
 life? A thousand pleasant roads, 
 a thousand smiling faces, a thousand friendly 
 hands, invite him in every direction. And yet 
 but one of all these must be his ; for a Jack of all 
 trades is master of none ; besides, he must choose 
 quickly, for a fool at forty is a fool indeed. 
 
 Order is God’s first law ; in His works there 
 is a place for everything, and everything is in 
 its place, and unless man puts himself and his 
 actions in harmony with this law, all his labors 
 will leave him without happiness, and his life 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 123 
 
 will be a failure. The world is full of various 
 occupations ; and God has so formed every 
 human being that he is best fitted for a certain one 
 of these. If he chooses the right one he will be 
 successful and happy ; if he chooses the wrong one 
 he will be unsuccessful, and, of course, unhappy. 
 
 This, then, is the meaning of vocation; it is 
 the calling in life to which every child of Adam 
 must listen, if he wishes to be happy, and live 
 according to the constitution which his Maker 
 has given him. In this sense, all virtuous occu- 
 pations are equally honorable. If the man who 
 digs in a canal follows the occupation for which 
 he is best fitted, his life is just as respectable in 
 a manly point of view, as that of the President 
 who is best fitted to rule the nation. 
 
 All positions, in themselves, are equally 
 noble ; they become ignoble only when men are 
 unfitted for them-, or when they become ashamed 
 of them. In like manner, all men are equally 
 noble when they are true to the nature which 
 God has given them. All men are of free will 
 in their creation. And no man can become 
 mean or degraded except through his own fault, 
 or, by the crime of his ancestors or of his fel- 
 lows. It thus appears that man and all his 
 occupations are noble. There is nothing mean 
 made by God. Do not, therefore, look around 
 you and say that any necessary calling in life is 
 low, while you call another honorable. What- 
 ever is worth doing at all is worth doing well ; 
 and anything which is well done brings honor. 
 
124 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 not shame, upon the doer. Let not any one, 
 tlien, be so childish as to ask. What station in 
 life is respectable? All stations are respectable. 
 Let the question of every manly soul be, AVhat 
 station is fitted for me ; and for what station am 
 'I fitted? When he has once found the answer 
 to that question, he may be sure that he is 
 right, and let him go ahead, turning neither to 
 the right nor to the left. 
 
 If he finds himself best fitted to be a shoe- 
 maker, let him not be ashamed of it, but stick 
 to his last. Roger Sherman was none the worse 
 statesman for mending shoes. If a farmer, let 
 him boldly walk between the handles of the 
 plow, as Washington did before him. If a min- 
 inister of God, above all, let him not faint, or 
 turn back, like a coward, but courageously press 
 on in the work given him to do. 
 
 0 what a glorious world would this of ours be, 
 if we all held thus true to our nature ! It would 
 not be so full of disappointed men and women as 
 it is now ; for, be sure, if you try to do some- 
 thing for which you are not fitted, in the A^ain 
 desire of respectability,, you must fail. Nature 
 will not be cheated. If she made you for a 
 tradesman, and you foolishly try to be a lawyer, 
 you Avill be only a pettifogger. If she made 
 you for an editor, and you try to be a doctor, 
 you will be only a quack. Nature will not be 
 cheated. If she made you for a teacher, and 
 you persuade yourself that you are a statesman, 
 you will be only a foolish Oorigressraan ; or, per- 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 125 
 
 Laps, only a bar-room babbler, quenching in 
 drink the bright flame of your manhood. Be a 
 man, be a man ! How much nobler to shovel 
 dirt in the street than to have a dirty soul ! 
 
 There is no way in which more young men 
 become mere wrecks than in this silly race after 
 flashy notoriety and sham respectability. They 
 see the prizes of wealth and honor in the dis- 
 tance, and rush headlong, thinking to grasp 
 them at once ; not reflecting that a road to emi- 
 nence leads from every station in life, that each 
 one can run best on a certain road, and that if 
 he attempts to run on the road intended for 
 another he will be jostled or stumble on the 
 track, and never be able to reach the end of his 
 journey. 
 
 First, then, let your great study be yourself. 
 When you know yourself well you will be able 
 to tell for what occupation you are fit.. 
 
 To know yourself well is not so simple an 
 affair as you may imagine. You must study all 
 your powers of soul, mind and body, your facul- 
 ties and your passions, your likings and your 
 abilities, and then tlie circumstances and the 
 people with whom you have to deal. All this 
 would be a hard task if you were perfectly 
 honest with yourself, and judged impartially; 
 but when pride and self-love come in, the task 
 becomes ten-fold more difficult. 
 
 Instead of judging everything by reason, you 
 allow your pride and self-love to flatter you 
 beyond all bounds. This would not be so bad if 
 11 * 
 
126 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 they flattered you in the right direction, and 
 persuaded you to bring into play your best Cjual- 
 ities ; but this pride and self-love will more often 
 persuade you that you are fitted for an occupa- 
 tion simply because somebody else has taken it 
 up and succeeded well. They will whisper, You 
 are as good as he, you are as talented, why not 
 succeed as well as he..? Never hinting to you 
 that he has some special qualification that fits 
 him exactly for his business, while you may 
 liave powers that will enable you to succeed 
 still better in some other calling. 
 
 But tell pride and self-love to get behind you, 
 and do you try to judge yourself fairly, and find 
 out really what you are, that you may know 
 what your true vocation is, and follow it with- 
 out flinching. I have spoken so far from a 
 human point of view; but I need hardly tell 
 you that no one should presume to decide finally 
 in so important a matter without first praying to 
 God for light. It is not a question that concerns 
 time only ; our eternal good may depend, and 
 often does depend, upon the occupation which we 
 have followed in this world. 
 
 The first consideration which should guide you 
 is, to avoid all occupations which do not benefit 
 mankind. It is the duty of every man, to be of 
 some use to his fellow men. Some people engage 
 in business which is hurtful to their fellows; 
 others engage in that which is useless — you 
 should reject both. 
 
 The best life which we can lead, is to live only 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 127 
 
 for God ; for we shall thus be more sure of living 
 with Him hereafter. After this, but yet con- 
 nected with it, comes the life, pointed out by 
 God himself, to earn our bread by the sweat of 
 our brow. He who lives an idle life, with others 
 to wait on him, is not a man at all, but rather a 
 vegetable, which men dig about and manure; an 
 easy life perhaps, but he who lives so will one 
 day have to give an account for thus abdicating 
 his manhood. 
 
 You must act, and act for the good of others, 
 your fellow men. Whether your labor be bodily 
 or mental, you must labor. But, rejecting all 
 useless and wicked occupations, there still remains 
 an abundance from which to choose. See to it 
 that you choose the one for which you are fitted ; 
 and be not influenced in your choice by pride, 
 vanity, or self-love. Bemember that there is one 
 station in life, which is waiting for you, one in 
 which you will do better than in any other; find 
 that out, choose it, take it, it is yours, your call- 
 ing, your vocation. Ho not look to see whether 
 it be noble, but whether it be yours; a father 
 in looking for his child, does not pick up the 
 finest one he comes across, but searches for his 
 , own, which is noblest of all to him ; do you search 
 for your own field of labor and choose that only. 
 It is the noblest for you, and will give you more 
 pleasure in after life, than a thousand fine occupa- 
 tions which do not belong to you. 
 
 How, when you have once wisely chosen, do 
 not turn back, but press on boldly, patiently. 
 
128 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 honorably, till your life is crowned with success. 
 Success is waiting somewhere for every youth — in 
 the pulpit, on the farm, at the bench, in the forum 
 — somewhere there is sure success ; let him choose 
 well and then go on in earnest. 
 
 For success in any calling, you must attend to 
 some essential requisites. The first of these is 
 
 Honesty. — Even if we should forget that we 
 are responsible to God for our actions, forget that 
 there is an obligation to do the right and avoid 
 the wrong, still, we should be convinced by 
 reason and by observation, that Honesty is the 
 best policy. Reason tells us that the dishonest 
 man will sooner or later be found out, and obser- 
 vation confirms it. Be open, straightforward, 
 and upright in all your deeds. Then men will 
 trust you, patronize you, and your success will be 
 certain and brilliant ; you will be afraid to look 
 no man in the face ; never tremble for fear any 
 mean trick should be discovered. 
 
 If you are a farmer, do not sell bad articles, 
 pretending that they are good ; if you are a mer- 
 chant, do not ask two prices, or more than your 
 wares are worth, or give scant measure, or cheat 
 in any way; if you are a lawyer, do not twist 
 the law so as to do injustice, do not pretend that 
 a poor man can win his suit, when you know he 
 can 'I 'L. ■ [Remember the profitable lesson re- 
 cei\r d by St. A. de Liguori: A swine herd was 
 vainly endeavoring to conduct a drove of these 
 animals- through a narrow, gate. After much 
 cursing and syvearing to little purpose, he ex- 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 129 
 
 claimed : “ Go, vile brutes, as lawyers go to hell 
 immediately the swine, one and all, passed through 
 the narrow gate, and St. Alphonsus, taking this as 
 a warning from Heaven, resolved to seek some 
 more useful and innocent occupation.] If you are 
 a politician, do not speak and write what you do 
 not believe, do not influence the passions of the 
 people and make them do wrong, to attain your 
 own party or private ends ; if you are a clergyman, 
 do not preach what you believe to be false doc- 
 trine, do not excuse any injustice because the peo- 
 ple are fond of it ; if you are a physician, do not 
 undertake a case which you do not understand, 
 or pretend to cure for the sake of running up a 
 bill ; if you are a banker, do not be a “ skin-flint,” 
 taking the very last cent which .you can force 
 from a needy man ; if you keep groceries, do not 
 sell liquor to any one, and thus steal the bread 
 which belongs to his wife and children ; whatever 
 your occupation, be an honest man, do no mean 
 act, and you may be sure that the blessing of 
 God and His success will be with you. 
 
 The next thing to which I would have you at- 
 tend, is 
 
 Punctuality. — -Keep your word, attend to 
 your engagements, break no promises, always be 
 on time. It is the very soul of business life. 
 All great men have been noted for their attention 
 to the very moment. It is of no use to make 
 excuses in such things. If it once becomes known 
 that you are not very particular about times and 
 promises, that moment you are a marked man. 
 
130 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 and have commenced to lose confidence. You 
 are no longer trusted. 
 
 Politeness, of which I have spoken more 
 fully in another place, will also be found essential 
 to real success. How can the surly lawyer have 
 clients? Where will the boorish physician find 
 patients ? When will the haughty politician get 
 votes enough to elect him to office ? By what 
 means will the impudent merchant coax in custo- 
 mers? What kind of words will the uncouth 
 preacher use to charm the admiration of his con- 
 gregation? What success will the tyrannical 
 teacher have in winning the love of his classes ? 
 Truly, all such men will fail in life, and they de- 
 serve to fail. 
 
 Oedee is a necessity. The man who works 
 without system and has no end in view, may be 
 said to have failed before he has commenced. 
 Success is absolutely out of his reach. Have 
 everything in its place, and know just what you 
 are doing. 
 
 Caution also must not be forgotten. Beware 
 of those with whom you come into contact. All 
 great men have been excellent judges of men. 
 If you are not so by nature, you must become so 
 by study. Bead carefully the book of human 
 nature, or you will be imposed upon. Then 
 when you have found true men, stick to them. 
 Do not enter into any undertaking rashly. Stand 
 fast to your own business. Bemember the old 
 Latin proverb : “ Beware of the man with the one 
 book.” He who does one thing will be more apt 
 to succeed, than he who tries a hundred. 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 131 
 
 Barnum, who “knows whereof he affirms,” 
 gives the following excellent bits of advice on 
 business, many of which are equally applicable 
 to other pursuits : 
 
 “Money getting is liable to abuse, as are also 
 other desirable things. We find sometimes the 
 miser, but he is simply a nuisance, and does more 
 harm than good ; it is a source of comfort that 
 some time he will die and leave his money to 
 good uses. 
 
 “ An Irishman once saved a miser from drown- 
 ing, and was handed a sixpence. ‘What,’ said 
 he, IS this all you give a man foi saving your 
 life?’ Then, taking a second look, he said: — 
 ‘Well, faith, and I guess it is all that it is 
 worth.’ 
 
 “Wealth is the golden key which opens the 
 means of happiness and of doing good. It is a 
 very simple thing in America to make money ; 
 but the most difficult thing is to keep it. The 
 habit of spending less than one earns is the road 
 to wealth. Many persons make a double mis- 
 take ; they think they know what economy 
 
 is, and by not knowing at all what it is, but 
 thinking they do, they fail to learn and practice 
 
 it. ■ They practice in little mean ways, such as 
 saving the candle ends, or cutting down the ser- 
 vants’ wages twenty-five cents a week. The 
 economy of some women runs to tallow candles, 
 while they can afford to expend their hundreds 
 on the street for rats, mice, and poodles. The 
 economy of some runs to writing paper; they 
 
132 
 
 EXCEL810U. 
 
 use old bits and ends, and perhaps sometimes in 
 this way throw aAvay papers that contain valu- 
 able figures. Their economy tends to one point 
 only. Like the man who bought a penny her- 
 ring, and hired a coach to take it home in, they 
 save at the spigot and waste at the bung. 
 
 “Keep an exact account of expenses, and the 
 items of necessity Avill not be found double or 
 treljle Avhat you othenvise expected. Some at- 
 tempt to deceive others by appearing to be 
 Avealthy when they are not, thus keeping their 
 wKes’ noses to the grind-stone and ruining them- 
 selves. The ladies are frequently envious of 
 their richer friends, and will suffer any sacrifice 
 in Older to make the same outward shoAv as 
 those whom they envy. This false ambition is 
 keeping thousands of families poor, and they de- 
 serve to be kept so. 
 
 “A man Avho uses intoxicating drinks to ex- 
 cess, cannot succeed in business. He who did 
 would be as great a curiosity as the woolly horse 
 or the mermaid. A man cannot succeed unless 
 his brain is sober and hand steady. 
 
 “When a young- man arrives at suitable age, 
 he, or his guardian for him, should select the ex- 
 act line of life for which he seems fitted. Some 
 seem exactly intended for mechanics, while it 
 would be a long and useless labor to teach it to 
 others, because they are not suited to that Amca- 
 tion. In all conditions of life you Avill find 
 many who have mistaken their vocation. Yet 
 sometimes one may learn the trade or calling for 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 133 
 
 wHcli lie was intended, but failed because be was 
 not located in tlie right place. 
 
 “Young men starting in life should beware of 
 getting in debt. John Randolph once said, that 
 he had discovered the philosopher’s stone. It 
 was, ‘Pay as you go.’ Some young men strut 
 about in new clothes which they have never paid 
 for, intending some time to go to work and get 
 out of debt. There is no class of men with such 
 good memories as creditors, and these young 
 men will find the time for paying come when 
 they are not ready. PFo young man has a right 
 to draw on the future for what he uses to-day. 
 Better wear the old coat, and turn and patch it, 
 rather than run in debt. You lose your credit, 
 your self-respect and that of others, and will 
 never get along in 'the world. 
 
 “Money is like a fire: a good servant, but a 
 poor master. In debt you become its slave. 
 
 “When you have laid down your plans, then 
 persevere. As David Crockett said ; 
 
 ‘ Be sui’e you’re riglit, and then go ahead.’ 
 
 “The timid man becomes discouraged, and 
 sometimes when success is in his grasp, lets go, 
 falls and is ruined. He loses the golden oppor- 
 tunity. 
 
 . “ ‘There is a tide in the affairs of men, that 
 taken at the flood, leads on to fortune.’ The 
 General who ‘ fights it out on that line, if it takes 
 all summer,’ is sure to succeed. We must de- 
 ])end upon our own personal exertion. It will 
 Jiot do to trust to the eyes of others. Frequently 
 
134 
 
 EXGELSIOlt. 
 
 the eyes of the employer are better than the 
 hands of a dozen servants. 
 
 “Young man, you 'will not find anyone to 
 help you along by lending you money. The 
 only way to make a fortune is to make it your- 
 self, and that is the only fortune that can he truly 
 enjoyed. Yo man should ever indorse a note 
 for any one to an extent which he cannot afford- 
 to lose. If you do it, expect to give the amount. 
 By endorsing for a friend, frequently a man not 
 only loses his own fortune, hut ruins his friend, 
 whom he means to assist. 
 
 “There is no such thing as luck in the world. 
 Some men are successful and some unsuccessful, 
 hut it generally depends upon themselves. 
 Many a fortune has been lost by merely going 
 into something which they knew nothing about. 
 
 “The best capital in the world is politeness 
 and liberality. Give the most for the money 
 that you possibly can afford. It is a matter of 
 policy, and will be sure to succeed. Don’t tell 
 all about your business. If you do this, you 
 may find somebody who will envy you, and per- 
 haps set up in opposition. If you are losing 
 money, don’t tell it, for people will be sure to 
 forsake you. A wealthy Quaker had a motto : 
 ‘Keep your own secret.’ A man never makes 
 anything by telling his secrets. 
 
 “There is nothing so difficult as to get money 
 dishonestly. In the long run, honesty is the 
 best policy.” 
 
 Industry I place last, but surely it is not 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 135 
 
 least. Persevere, persevere, never grow weary. 
 Robert Bruce bad raised an army in tbe hope of 
 freeing his country, but was defeated and forced 
 to take refuge in a cave ; there he watched an 
 ant try sixty-nine times to bring a load up to its 
 nest and fail every time, but, nothing daunted, 
 it tried the seventieth time and succeeded ; the 
 defeated king sprang up in exultation and said, 
 “I too will try again.” He did try, and on the 
 the glorious field of Bannockburn crowned his 
 perseverance with victory. Constant applica- 
 tion will always be rewarded in like manner. 
 It is little by little that all solid success is built 
 up. Idleness, carelessness, discouragement — 
 these are the means of losing your places in 
 life ; but persevering industry is the means of 
 placing you on the top round of the ladder of suc- 
 cess. Edmund Burke says, alluding to another 
 of the uses to be derived from struggle and 
 efibrt: “Difficulty is a severe instructor, set over 
 us by the supreme ordinance of a parental 
 guardian and legislator, who knows us better 
 than we know ourselves, as He loves us better 
 too. He that wrestles' with us strengthens our 
 nerves, and sharpens our skill ; our antagonist is 
 our helper. This amicable contest with difficulty 
 obliges us to an intimate acquaintance with our 
 object, and compels us to consider it in all its 
 relations; it will not suffer us to be superficial.” 
 Ah ! but, you say, after all this I may yet 
 fail ; do whatever they may, some men are cer- 
 tain to fail. If that be so you must submit ; for 
 
136 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 it is then evident that it is not God’s will that 
 you should step up into the high places of the 
 world. He knows what is best for us. Still, 
 although there are exceptions, the general rule 
 is, according to the French maxim, Help thyself 
 and God will help thee. Most men have to 
 blame themselves for their failures. 
 
 But if you cannot rise so high as others, it 
 may be that you are mistaken in your vocation ; 
 your calling may be among the more humble. 
 You may be happier and even nobler there than 
 anywhere else, for it is your place. Ho your 
 duty, and every position is noble. Finally, 
 whatever your calling, be a man — be a man ! and 
 then you may stand up, in all the nobility of 
 your spirit, and look the noblest and the proud- 
 est right in the face. 
 
 One of nature’s noblemen felt the full force of 
 “a’ that,” when he said, half in scorn, half in 
 triumph, in his quaint Scottish dialect : 
 
 Is there for honest poverty, 
 
 Tliat liangs his head, and a’ that ? 
 
 The coward slave we pass him hy. 
 
 We dare be poor for a’ that ! 
 
 For a’ that and a’ that, 
 
 Our toil’s obscure, and a’ that. 
 
 The rank is but the guinea’s stamp. 
 
 The man’s the gowd for a’ that. 
 
 What though on hamely fare we dine. 
 
 Wear hoddin gray, and a’ that? 
 
 Gie fools their silk and knaves their 'wine, 
 
 A man’s a man for a’ that ; 
 
 For a’ that, and a’ that. 
 
 Their tinsel show and a’ that : 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 137 
 
 The honest man, though e’er sae poor, 
 
 Is king o’ men for a’ that. 
 
 Ye see yon hirkie, ca’d a lord, 
 
 Wha struts and stares, and a’ that ; 
 
 Though hundreds worship at his word. 
 
 He’s but a coof, for a’ that ; 
 
 His riband, star, and a’ that. 
 
 The man of independent mind. 
 
 He looks and laughs at a’ that. 
 
 A king can mak a belted knight, 
 
 A marquis, duke, and a’ that ; 
 
 But an honest man’s aboon his might — 
 
 Crude faith, he maunna fa’ that ! 
 
 For a’ that, and a’ that. 
 
 Their dignities, and a’ that. 
 
 The pith o’ sense and pride o’ worth 
 Are hi-her ranks than a’ that. 
 
 Then let us pray, that come it may — 
 
 As come it will, for a’ that — 
 
 That sense and worth, o’er all the earth. 
 
 May bear the gree, for a’ that ; 
 
 For a’ that, and a’ that. 
 
 It’s coming yet, for a’ that. 
 
 That man to man, the warld o’er. 
 
 Shall brothers be, for a’ that. 
 
 Ah ! that indeed will he the golden age, when 
 “ Man to man, the world o’er, shall brothers be.” 
 But might not each one make this practical 
 iron age the golden age for himself? or, at least, 
 do his part to make it so? When he meets 
 what the world calls his equal, he has no trouble 
 in treating him as a brother. Now, to bring 
 about the good time of which Burns sings, the 
 Golden Age, when “Man to man, the world 
 12 * 
 
138 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 o’er, shall brothers he,” we have only to remem- 
 ber the common brotherhood of all the sons and 
 daughters of Adam and Eve. When we meet 
 with one who works a little harder than we do, 
 or whom the world, for any reason, sneers at as 
 our inferior, let us remember that the world is a 
 heartless tyrant, and let us throw off its abomi- 
 nable tyranny. This person is not necessarily our 
 inferior ; but, like ourselves, he is also a child of 
 Adam, and is, perhaps, working out the law of 
 his nature better than we. 
 
 If he uses the powers given to him by Heaven 
 as well as we do our own, his manhood is just as 
 noble. The man, in Scripture, who made good 
 use of the ten talents, was very much com- 
 mended ; but so was also he who had but five 
 talents and used them well. The man who 
 receives five talents, and returns the gift 
 doubled, shall have great reward ; while he that 
 receives ten talents, but buries one, shall be con- 
 demned, even though he glories over his brother 
 for the gifts which he has received so freely, and 
 used so unworthily. 
 
 Ho not dare to look down on any one ; for 
 though he crawl beneath your feet, he may be 
 your superior. Men often entertain angels un- 
 aware, and often, too, they trample on men 
 better than themselves. It is well for us to 
 reflect, that the meanest member of the hum- 
 blest race of man, is own brother to the highest 
 and noblest. This fact is just as true now, 
 though not so well believed, as it will be in the 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 139 
 
 grave or at tlie judgment. Aye, at the judg- 
 ment and in the grave all men are equal ; and 
 poor foolish pride can there find no hole too low 
 to hide his head, when he sees all men, those 
 from rich houses and those from wretched hov- 
 els, lying or standing, side by side. I wonder 
 whether silks, and satins, and glossy broad- 
 cloths will be ashamed of poor relations on those 
 days? They say that the potatoes in Ireland 
 grow so fast sometimes that they have not room 
 together in the hill, and you may go out of a 
 summer’s morning, and hear them scolding — 
 “Push over, push over!” Will the grandees in 
 the grave order the “lower classes” to push over 
 and give larger room to their lordships? Hay, 
 verily, six feet by two for every one. The grave 
 and the judgment will prove us all brethren, all 
 equal ; and show, beyond dispute, that of all the 
 follies of man, there is none so nonsensical, so 
 laughable even, as 
 
 “ Pride, the never-failing vice of fools !” 
 
 But it is some consolation to think that it is 
 generally the mark of a fool to be proud, to des- 
 pise his fellows. Sensible and well-bred people 
 are not supposed to indulge in this weakness. 
 
 Yet, if this be so, there must be a great num- 
 ber of fools in the world. Our streets are often 
 full of them. One is proud because his great- 
 grandfather’s second cousin has left him a legacy, 
 and he can wear a finer broadcloth and a taller 
 beaver than his old companion ; and so he struts 
 along the streets, like a peacock with new feath- 
 
140 
 
 EXGEL8I0E. 
 
 ers, and forgets to bend Ins lofty head to his 
 former friends — he does not see them any more 
 • — or, to speak more properly, according to the 
 phrase, “he cuts them.” 
 
 And even gentle woman, with her generous 
 heart, is too often found despising some worthy 
 sister, who is not able, or does not care, to get 
 such a love of a bonnet as her. own. She her- 
 self, like a poor ignorant pagan, falls on her face 
 to adore the idol of Fashion; and, rising up with 
 the garments of her slavery upon her, foolishly 
 thinks herself superior to the noble woman who 
 is content to walk uprightly, without anxiety or 
 vanity, in the path of duty, which is to her the 
 path of pleasure. 
 
 Yes, even the child, the little boy or the little 
 girl, learns this foolish lesson of pride ; and, 
 before it can speak plainly, is able to tell you 
 who are low society — poor trash, who work for 
 their living ; and who are respectable — rich folks, 
 who live on the earnings of the poor. And these 
 little children grow up thinking that the great dis- 
 tinction between people in this world is the dif- 
 ference between fine clothes and coarse ones — 
 never dreaming that honesty or a Avell-spent life, 
 talent, or virtue has anything to do with the mat- 
 ter. In their opinion, money and a good tailor 
 or dressmaker can make a fine lady or a fine 
 gentleman any day. And, we might add, older 
 children often reason in the same way. 
 
 Mrs. Shoddy, Mr. Petroleum, and John Spec- 
 ulator, Esquire, are considered very good com- 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 141 
 
 pany, after they have entered into their new 
 palatial residence and given the grand opening 
 entertainment of the season. Very fine people, 
 very fine, very. Such little accomplishments as 
 dressing in taste and speaking good English are 
 matters of little importance. But Mrs. Work- 
 away, the neatest housekeeper in town, Mr. Com- 
 mon Sense, and their son, a poor young man of 
 great promise, are left quite in the shade. The 
 world says, with Whang the Miller, in Gold- 
 smith, “They may be very good people, for all 
 it knows ; but the world is fond of choosing its 
 company. 
 
 There is one satisfactory reflection connected 
 with this matter : Mr. Common Sense and his 
 excellent family care as little for those stylish 
 people as they care for him. He knows that 
 God and Nature do not distinguish people by 
 their fine clothes, but by their fine hearts and 
 their fine minds. 
 
 People of wealth and fashion are just as good 
 as others, if they do well and act well, using 
 their moliey and their station for their own real 
 good and that of their fellow-men — but they are 
 no better. This rank of wealth and station is 
 no better than the old rank of blood, which all 
 people of sense have learned to laugh at. De- 
 spise no man but for his own bad actions ; admire 
 no man but for his ov^n good deeds. 
 
 As we should look down on no one in the spirit 
 of tyranny, so we should look up to no one in the 
 spirit of slavery. God has made all men of free 
 
142 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 will, of the same equal nature; He has died 
 equally for all ; and the highest respect He com- 
 mands us to give others is, that we should love 
 them as we love ourselves. It is alike the com- 
 mand of "God and of Nature that we should 
 respect ourselves equally with all men. But in 
 this we must not bear ourselves proudly, any 
 more than basely, but always as men. 
 
 This, then, must be our conduct with our fel- 
 low-men: To despise the Wrong wherever we 
 find it — hate it with all our souls ; and to honor 
 the Bight wherever we find it — love it with all our 
 hearts : but to despise no person, for that is the 
 mark of a fool or of a tyrant ; and to look upon 
 no man as our master, for that is the mark of a 
 brute or of a slave. Let us love God and those 
 He loves, love the right, fear no one, and know 
 that all men are our brothers. 
 
 And, as' for ourselves, let us train, as well as 
 we may, all the powers of our bodies, our minds, 
 and our souls — become educated in the better and 
 higher sense. And for our occupation through 
 life, let us choose that, and that only, f6r which 
 God has fitted us. And, in what we have chosen, 
 let us become perfect. If we do our work well, 
 become masters in our labor, we shall become 
 noble, going on better and better, higher and 
 higher, improving every faculty which God has 
 given us, neA^^er heeding the laughers and talkers ; 
 but pressing on boldly, yea, on and up, till we 
 become first and noblest — highest over all. Then, 
 though Death himself shall meet us, Ave shall 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 143 
 
 still fling out our banner higher, higher, ‘ ‘ Excel- 
 sior! Excelsior!” and the air of Heaven shall 
 ring with our cry ! 
 
 The shades of night were falling fast, 
 
 As through an Alpine village p<i^ed 
 A youth, who bore, ’mid snow and ice, 
 
 A banner with the sti'ange device, 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 His brow was sad ; his eyes beneath. 
 
 Flashed like a falchion from its sheath, 
 
 And like a silver clarion rung 
 The accents of that unknown tongue. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 In happy homes he saw the light 
 Of household fires gleam warm and bright ; 
 
 Above, the spectral glaciers shone. 
 
 And from his lips escaped a groan. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 “ Try not the pass,” the old man said ; 
 
 “ Dark lowers the tempest overhead. 
 
 The roaring torrent is deep and wide !” 
 
 And loud that clarion voice replied, 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 “ O stay,” the maiden said, “ and rest 
 Thy weary head upon this breast !” 
 
 A tear stood in his bright blue eye, 
 
 But still he answered, with a sigh, 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 “ Beware the pine-tree’s withered branch! 
 
 Bev/are the awful avalanche 1” 
 
 This was the peasant’s last good night, 
 
 A voice replied, far up the height, 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 At break of day, as heavenward 
 The pious monks of Saint Bernard 
 
144 
 
 EXGEL8I011. 
 
 Uttered the oft-repeated prayer, 
 
 A voice cried thi-ougli the startled air, 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 A traveler, hy the faithful hound. 
 
 Half buried in the snow was found. 
 Still grasping in his hand of ice 
 That banner with the strange device, 
 Excelsior ! 
 
 There in the twilight cold and gray. 
 Lifeless, but beautiful, he lay. 
 
 And from the sky, serene and far, 
 
 A voice fell, like a falling- star. 
 
 Excelsior ! 
 
PART II. 
 
 FOR YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 BY A LADY. 
 
 (R. V. R.) 
 
 145 
 
■■ 
 
 m 
 
SELF-SACRIFICE. 
 
 147 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 SELF-SACRIFICE. 
 
 HE preceding portion of this book 
 is addressed to gentlemen, but by 
 no means written exclusively in 
 their interests. So far is this from 
 being the case that there is not 
 one page — hardly one line — that 
 may not be as profitably studied 
 by ladies, and with suitable adapt- 
 ation to their needs, put in practice 
 by them. It is taken for granted that that por- 
 tion has been well studied, and will be held in 
 memory, so that all passing reference made to it 
 here, will be understood. 
 
 From earliest childhood, until with what is 
 supposed to be a “finished” education, they 
 respectively leave, the young lady her academy 
 or institute, the young gentleman his college, 
 and enter on the broad stage of responsible life, 
 brother and sister walk in the same path, have 
 the same object in view, and must use the same 
 
148 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 means to obtain it. All that lias been insisted 
 on as essential for the young man to cultivate 
 in his moral, mental and physical faculties, is as 
 ^ absolutely required of the young woman, if she 
 desires also worthily to fulfil in the world her 
 duty to God, her neighbor, and herself. Nay, 
 more; in one department, that of home, she 
 must cultivate with yet more earnest care, all 
 the useful endowments of mind, all the lovely 
 graces of heart, for on her it more exclusively 
 depends to make their common dwelling-place 
 truly home. No words can do justice to the 
 worth, the priceless value of a good daughter, a 
 good sister, a good wife, a good mother, and to 
 become capable of filling all these stations well, 
 should be the ambition of every young lady, 
 during the years of preparation and study. 
 
 If the brother must be kind, forbearing, con- 
 siderate, protecting, gentle, the sister must be 
 thoughtful, patient, deferential, watchful and 
 tender, and above all, cheerful at home. A 
 young girl may be truly anxious to do her duty, 
 and do it scrupulously, as far as the outward 
 actions are concerned, but if her gentle ministry 
 is not done cheerfully, with a smiling face and 
 blithe readiness to oblige, it will lose half its 
 charm. She must do all not only cheerfully, 
 but disinterestedly. To be self-sacrificing is 
 woman’s noblest characteristic; it is from her 
 lips, not from man’s, comes the petition : 
 
 “ Give unto me, made lowly wise. 
 
 The spirit of self-sacrifice.” 
 
SELFS A CBIFICE. 
 
 149 
 
 And lier heart is ever singing, as with thought- 
 ful care she provides for the comfort of father, 
 brother or husband ; 
 
 “ I live for those who love me. 
 
 For those I know are true. 
 
 For heaven that smiles above me. 
 
 And awaits my spirit too ; 
 
 For those human ties that bind me. 
 
 For the task by God assigned me. 
 
 For the hopes that beam within me, 
 
 And the good that I can do.” 
 
 And in pure, generous, unselfish devotion, in 
 her proper sphere, to the good and happiness of 
 others, she finds a rich reward. The more dis- 
 interested, the more unexacting of all return she 
 is, the greater return is she sure to receive ; for 
 
 , “ Love that asketh love again. 
 
 Finds the barter naught but pain ; 
 
 Love that giveth in full store. 
 
 Aye receives as much and more. 
 
 “ Love exacting nothing back, 
 
 Never knoweth any lack ; 
 
 Love compelling love to pay 
 Sees him bankrupt every day.” 
 
 Even if, as is often the case, after having thus 
 given the devotion of her heart and life, and 
 with unwearying painstaking spent herself in 
 the service of others, she yet sees but a careless, 
 unappreciating return made for it, that all hold 
 her in but secondary estimation at best, and 
 give the love, the gratitude that should be hers 
 to another ; still a yet higher motive will incite 
 her to continued perseverance in the same path 
 13 * 
 
150 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 of self-sacrifice for the good of others, the 
 thought that, “It is better to give than to 
 receive.” 
 
 If she is tempted sometimes to whisper to 
 herself in discouragement and repining : ‘ ‘ What 
 is the use of all this toil, these efforts for 
 others, when I get so little return, nobody makes 
 me a first object, no one seeks my happiness, no 
 one ‘loves me best,’” she will also soon, in a 
 better mood, murmur to herself : 
 
 “ Oh ! hush thy plaint, poor jieart. 
 
 And give to others from thy own large store, 
 
 So shalt thou share 
 In love’s diviner part, 
 
 The less they give to thee, yet more and more. 
 
 ‘ To give than to receive is far more blest;' 
 
 Be glad, poor heart, because none love thee best.” 
 
AFFJ^GTION AT ROME.. 
 
 151 
 
 CHAPTER II. 
 
 AFFECTION AT HOME. 
 
 T is said that a home without a 
 woman in it is no home at all. It 
 may be as neat and clean as hands 
 can make it ; it may be adorned 
 with taste and skill ; works of art, 
 sculpture, paintings, books, even 
 flowers, little gems of virtu, knick- 
 knacks, and womanish toys — all the 
 accessories of elegant life may be 
 there, but, at best, lacking the presence of 
 woman, it will be only a kind of refined and 
 luxurious museum, a dwelling-place, a shelter, a 
 refuge, for the man who inhabits it, when he 
 gets weary of the society of his fellow-men in 
 the outside world ; where he may, it is true, 
 “dwell in cold proprieties forever,” but where 
 he can never know the charms, the delights of 
 Home. 
 
 But we see also in this that it is not the mere 
 superintendence of outward surroundings, syste- 
 
152 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 matic arrangements and attention to exterior 
 comforts that is most needed in a woman, 
 whether daughter, sister or wife, for all these 
 may he had without her ; but if, in addition to 
 these indispensable requisites, presiding over all, 
 touching all with the subtle, indefinable charm 
 of womanliness, she be there — amiable, cheerful- 
 hearted, intelligent — this cold shadow of a home 
 becomes a warm, living reality. Far more than 
 this. All the luxuries of life, all its more ex- 
 pensive refinements may be wanting ; there may 
 be no means to procure any adornments for it ; 
 the furniture may be the plainest, the homeliest, 
 even taste for its- arrangement may he wanting 
 in the presiding deity of the household ; but if 
 she is amiable, if she is cheerful-hearted and 
 intelligent, her home will be a bright and happy 
 one. And amiable, cheerful, and more or less 
 intelligent every daughter of Eve may be, if 
 she will take the means to become so. 
 
 “ It may be under i^alace roof, 
 
 Princely and -wide, 
 
 No pomp foregone, lio pleasure lost. 
 
 No 'vvisli denied ; 
 
 But if beneath the diamond’s flash 
 Sweet, kind eyes hide, 
 
 A pleasant place — a happy place 
 Is our flreside. 
 
 “ It may be ’twixt four lowly walls. 
 
 No show, no pride, 
 
 AVhere sorrows ofttimes enter in, 
 
 But ne’er abide. 
 
AFFECTION AT HOME. 
 
 153 
 
 Yet, if she sits beside the beartb, 
 
 Help, comfort, guide, 
 
 A blessed place, a heavenly place. 
 
 Is our fireside.” 
 
 All great things have small beginnings. The 
 simplest, lowliest, have a part in the great plan 
 of nature ; little efforts in the end work great 
 actions, and it is the lessons taught, or rather 
 learned in our early days, that mould the char- 
 acter and the temper for all after life. An 
 unamiable turn of mind, an evil disposition, a 
 bad habit, then acquired, is hardly ever in 
 mature age completely eradicated, however hard 
 we may struggle to root it out. On the con- 
 trary, each gentle grace that is then permitted 
 to plant a tender germ in the heart will, in the 
 same way, become so strongly rooted it may 
 resist all the efforts of a -worldly life to hinder 
 its growth, and bear at least some blossoms, 
 leaves and fruit to the end of time. 
 
 “ Glierish, then, the gifts of cbildliood. 
 
 Use them gently — guard them well; 
 
 For their future growth and greatness. 
 
 Who can measure — who can tell !” 
 
 But these lessons must be learned. Parents, 
 teachers, friends, companions, are all the while 
 teaching us, not only at home, and at school, 
 and in our youthful days, but all through life ; 
 yet all will be lost on us if we do not on our 
 part try to learn the lessons taught. 
 
 Love, hope, and patience— these must be thy graces. 
 
 And in thy own heart ^ them first keep school.” 
 
154 
 
 EXCELSIOlt. 
 
 Yes, these three are the special graces of 
 woinanhood, and the means by which she in- 
 fluences all around her, at home or abroad. 
 
 She must learn to he loving at home ; loving, 
 with a kind, unselfish love, showing itself in 
 little things, more than in great ones. She has 
 few opportunities there for great sacrifices, but 
 the call for small acts of self-denial are unceas- 
 ing, and a spirit of the loftiest self-sacrifice, for 
 greater opportunities, is often thus acquired by 
 those who cultivate it in these ‘ ‘ small begin- 
 nings.” It is woman’s special province to be 
 lovingly thoughtful of the comfort of others ; 
 and it is charming to see the young girl, the 
 little child, with this instinct of womanhood, 
 trying to enter into the feelings of all around, to 
 imagine their wants, and anticipate them. Very 
 true and very sad is the experience given in this 
 following paragraph ; so sadly true in the greater 
 number of families, it is wonderful, the fact, 
 pointed out, it is not perceived and remedied. 
 “ I am one of those whose lot in life has been to 
 go into an unfriendly world at an early age ; and 
 of nearly twenty families, in which I made my 
 home in the course of about nine years, there 
 were but three or four that could be properly 
 designated as happy families, and the source of 
 trouble was not so much the lack of love as lack 
 of care to manifest it. The closing words of this 
 sentence give us the fruitful source of family 
 alienations, of heartaches innumerable, and of 
 sad faces and gloomy home circles. What a 
 
AFFECTION AT HOME. 
 
 155 
 
 woiicl of misery they suggest ! l^ot over three 
 or four happy homes iii twenty, and the cause 
 so manifest and so easily remedied ! Oh, in the 
 ‘ small sweet courtesies ’ of life what power re- 
 sides ! In a look, a word, a tone, how much 
 happiness or disquietude maybe communicated.” 
 Mrs. Browning, who has written not a few 
 very deep and beautiful truths, has also drawn 
 some very lovely and pure pictures of simple, 
 affectionate womanhood in its home aspects, and 
 here is one of them. 
 
 MY KATE. 
 
 Sue was not as pretty as women I know. 
 
 And yet, all your best, made of sunshine and snow, 
 
 Drop to shade, melt to naught, in the long-trodden ways. 
 While she’s still remembered on warm and cold days. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
 Her air had a meaning, her movement a grace ; 
 
 You turned from the fairest to gaze in her fiice ; 
 
 And when j'ou had once seen her forehead and mouth. 
 
 You saw as distinctly her soul and her truth. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
 Such a blue iuner light from her eyelids outbroke. 
 
 You looked at her silence and fancied she spoke ; 
 
 When she did, so peculiar and soft was the tone. 
 
 Though the loudest spoke also you heard her alone. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
 I doubt if she said to you much that could act 
 As a thought or suggestion ; she did not attract, 
 
 In the sense of the brilliant and wise, I infer; 
 
 'Ttcas her thinking of others made them think of her. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
156 
 
 EXVELSIOli. 
 
 She never found fault with you — never implied 
 Your wrong by her right ; and yet men at her side 
 Grew nobler, girls purer, as through the whole town 
 The children were gladder that pulled at her gown. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
 None knelt at her feet as adorers in tlu'all ; 
 
 They knelt niore to God than they used, that was all. 
 
 If }mu praised her as charming, some asked what you meant 
 But the charm of her presence was felt where she went. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
 The weak and the gentle, the ribald and rude. 
 
 She took as she found them, and did them all good ; 
 
 It always was so with her, see what you have ! 
 
 She has made the grass greener, e’en here — with her grave. 
 
 My Kate. 
 
CHEERFULNESS AT HOME. 
 
 157 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 CHEEEFULlSrESS AT HOME. 
 
 ^EARN to he hopeful at home. Hope 
 is but another name for cheerful- 
 ness, that if it sees all sombre around 
 it, looks forward brightly, and does 
 more than look forward : tries to 
 bring back the missing spirit of joy. 
 It is said, “ If people will be good, 
 they will be happy.” Very true ; 
 but perhaps still more true, “If 
 people are happy they Vill be good,” and it is 
 always worth while to try the experiment. So 
 be hopeful of and for every one. Whatever goes 
 wrong, hope, and try your part to make it right ; 
 whoever errs, hope, and use all your influence to 
 lead the erring one back from the wrong path ; 
 and do all this by being yourself cheerful, and 
 trying to make all around you so. In sorrow, 
 trouble, sickness, poverty, the presence of one 
 hopeful -hearted, cheerful-tempered person, espe- 
 t'ially if a woman, is strength, help, consolation 
 14 
 
158 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 to all. The very sight of a cheerful face will 
 often drive away gloom and bitterness from a 
 heart where they have been in full possession. 
 To the sorrowful a cheerful spirit will give not only 
 sympathy, but comfort; not only rest, but new 
 vigor ; it will win the sullen out of the moody 
 fit ; it will melt the obstinate ; it will encourage 
 the timid and desponding. Simple cheerfulness, 
 cheerful looks, and cheerful words at home, will 
 do all this and more than all this. It is of more 
 good influence in the family to be habitually 
 cheerful and hopeful, than to be able to give the 
 most judicious advice and instruction, or spend 
 oneself in endless labor for the good of others. 
 
 It is just like sunshine. Two houses on 
 opposite sides of a street, the one having the 
 sun on it, the other in the shade, though pre- 
 cisely alike in all other respects, will have a 
 totally different aspect; and so will two families, 
 equally estimable in every way, and alike, ex- 
 cept in one of them possessing the treasure of at 
 least one cheerful, sunny-tempered member ; the 
 other destitute of this blessing. Among all 
 home virtues there is none of more importance 
 for a young girl to cultivate, if she wishes to 
 make home happy, than the spirit of cheerful- 
 ness, as there is nothing she should more 
 earnestly try to repress than the least tendency 
 to fretfulness, repining, or discontent, that is its 
 very opposite. There is nothing more wearing 
 to the spirits of all around than tJm disposition 
 to be dissatisfied with everything and everybody 
 
CHEERFULNESS AT HOME. 
 
 159 
 
 at home, that characterizes many a young lady, 
 who abroad is all liveliness, sweetness, and 
 amiability. 
 
 A passionate temper may cause a home 
 tempest for awhile ; a sullen one may at times 
 cast gloom around the fireside, but the fault- 
 finding, repining, never-satisfied one, who goes 
 about with a perpetual frown on the brow, and 
 pout of the lip, is a ten-fold greater trial to 
 parents, brothers, . and sisters. Be cheerful, 
 then ; store up sunshine in your heart, and let 
 it beam in your face, and whatever graces of 
 mind or body you have will be a thousandfold 
 enhanced, while on the other hand, if to the 
 outside world you seem homely, and lacking in 
 every charm, to “the dear ones at home ” you 
 will appear lovely and fascinating. 
 
 HOPE AND CHEERFULNESS. 
 
 Dalfy-down-clilly came up in the cold. 
 
 Through the brown mould, 
 
 Altliough the March winds blew keen on her face. 
 
 Although the white snow lay on many a place. 
 
 Daffy-down-dilly had heard underground 
 The sweet rushing sound ■ 
 
 Of the streams as they hurst off their white, winter chains. 
 
 Of the whistling spring winds, and the pattering rains. 
 
 “ Now then,” thought Daffy, deep down in her heart, 
 
 “ It’s time I should start !” 
 
 So she pushed her soft leaves through the hard frozen ground, 
 
 Quite up to the surface, and then she looked round. 
 
 There was snow all about her — gray clouds overhead — 
 
 The trees all looked dead. 
 
160 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Then how do you think DafFy-down-dilly felt, 
 
 When the sun would not shine, and the ice would not melt? 
 
 “ Cold weather,” thought Daffy, still working away ; 
 
 “ The earth’s hard to-day ! 
 
 There’s but a half-inch of my leaves to be seen. 
 
 And two-thirds of that is more yellow than green ! 
 
 “ I can’t do much yet, but I’ll do what I can ; 
 
 It is well I began ! 
 
 For unless I can manage to lift up my head 
 The people will think that Spring herself’s dead.” 
 
 So little by little she brought her leaves out. 
 
 All clustered about ; 
 
 And then her bright flowers began to unfold. 
 
 Till Daffy stood robed in her spring green and gold. 
 
 O, Daffy-down-dilly, so cheerful and true ! 
 
 I wish all were like you ! 
 
 So ready for duty in all sorts of weather. 
 
 And holding forth courage and beauty together. 
 
PATIENCE AT HOME. 
 
 161 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 PATIENCE AT HOME. 
 
 lE patient at home. If you give 
 tlie matter any consideration, you 
 will find that, first of all, it is with 
 your own self you need to be pa- 
 tient. If you have any right feel- 
 ings, any aspirations to be good, 
 amiable, noble-minded, nothing 
 will try you more than your con- 
 stant short-comings, your repeated 
 failures to reach the standard of excellence you 
 have set before you. In all who are striving 
 after excellence, whether moral or mental, this 
 standard will become higher and higher, as they 
 add year to year, will “grow with their growth, 
 and strengthen with their strength,” and so will 
 also grow their need of patience with self. That 
 will be an unhappy hour for any human soul in 
 which it says to itself, ‘ ‘ The point I have gained 
 is high enough, I am satisfied but all hours are 
 unhappy to that one who still continues to strive 
 14 * 
 
162 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 for its end, but not with patience ; it has not 
 “learned the mystery of progression duly;” it 
 does not know that in this life the goal of our 
 hopes for perfection will never be reached. Be 
 patient, then, and pitying, with a divine pity, for 
 yourself and your faults and failures. It will do 
 no good, either to yourself or others, to get en- 
 raged or discouraged. The noble, earnest mind 
 will only be incited by failure, and deeper con- 
 sciousness of imperfection, to fresh and more vig- 
 orous efforts after goodness. 
 
 “ Not enjoyment and not sorrow 
 Is our destined end or way ; 
 
 But to act that each to-morroAV 
 Finds us further than to-day.” 
 
 “Wc speak with the lip, and we dream in the soul. 
 
 Of some better and hiirer day ; 
 
 And our days meanwhile to that golden goal 
 Are gliding and sliding away. 
 
 Now the world becomes old — now again it is young, 
 
 B it ‘ the better ’ is forever the word on the tongue. 
 
 “ And it is not a dream of a fancy proud. 
 
 With a fool for its dull begetter; 
 
 There’s a voice at the heart that proclaims aloud, 
 
 ‘ Ye were born to possess the better !’ 
 
 And that voice of the heart, ye may believe. 
 
 Will never the hope of the soul deceive.” 
 
 Even to those who are not conscious of these 
 better aspirations, the counsel to be patient with 
 self still applies. They need to be patient with 
 this very want, this consciousness of inferiority 
 in noble-mindedness, if they desire to make even 
 the first beginning to become noble-minded. If 
 
PATIENCE AT HOME. 
 
 163 
 
 little efforts work great actions, no less are tliey 
 the beginning of great thoughts and high aspi- 
 rations. These, too, will find that 
 
 “ lu the daily round 
 
 Of duty and of love. 
 
 They best will find that patient faith 
 That lifts the soul above.” 
 
 ‘ ‘ There is but a step from the sublime to the 
 ridiculous,” is an eveiy-day experience ; one of 
 the best illustrations of patience with self I ever 
 found was in a comic engraving of a poor little 
 donkey, harnessed to a large cart heavily loaded, 
 which the driver was endeavoring to urge on at 
 the top of its speed by a novel expedient ; fas- 
 tened to some part of its gear was a stick that 
 projected above and beyond its head, far enough 
 to hold, suspended by a string, a large cabbage, 
 just out of the reach of the longing mouth of the 
 poor beast, but in full view of its eyes. The 
 more desperate v/ere its efforts to grasp the deli- 
 cious morsel, the faster it went, of . course, but 
 alas ! never reaching its end any more than we do. 
 
 Be Patient with Your Family. And first of 
 all with your parents. It seems, at first sight, 
 almost a disrespect to speak of patience in this 
 connection, but in truth th-ere is hardly any fam- 
 ily relation in which it is more required. Child- 
 ren, as they begin to grow up, and exercise their 
 own reason and judgment, instead of relying, as 
 heretofore, on simple obedience to those who have 
 authority over them, become aware that their 
 parents are not infallible ; so far from it, it not 
 
164 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 seldom happens that the son or daughter is con- 
 scious, in a question where there is opposition of 
 views, that justice a.nd good sense is on their side, 
 and only yield from a sense of duty, and do it 
 ungraciously, because impatiently. Surely there 
 is no more lovely trait of filial piety than this, 
 which would lead you to be very meek and for- 
 bearing with, nay, rather blind to the faults of 
 your parents, or seeing them only to excuse them 
 in your own heart and veil them from the eyes 
 of others. Forbearance and kindness for their 
 infirmities, mental or physical, in sickness or old 
 age, is an obvious duty, but there are different 
 ways of being dutiful. One daughter will take 
 care of an aged or invalid parent day after day, 
 for years, zealously, watchfully, carefully, endur- 
 ing all the fatigue and weariness of the position 
 without a murmur, but do it only as a duty, and 
 with a kind of impatient scorn and contempt 
 for the helplessness and imbecility of old age. 
 Another daughter, in a like position, will make 
 patience her first point, and it will make her ten- 
 der, loving, indulgent, and teach her so to humor 
 and gratify the whims and “notions” of her 
 charge, that the second childhood will be, in this 
 case, almost as cheerful and happy as the first 
 was ; while in the other, however it may be sur- 
 rounded with bodily comforts, it will lack the 
 best and truest comfort of. all. Who does not 
 see how great the difference will be between being 
 merely dutiful and being patiently dutiful ? Per- 
 haps each will say, and with equal truth, she 
 
PATIENCE AT HOME. 
 
 165 
 
 loves her parent, and would not, for the whole 
 world, give up to another the privilege of taking 
 care of her infirm father or mother, but assuredly 
 the patient child is the most filial-hearted of the 
 two. 
 
 Be Patient with Brothers and Sisters. It is 
 much harder to be patient with our equals in 
 position than with either our superiors or infe- 
 riors, but a much more needful thing, inasmuch 
 as the greater part of our intercourse in life is 
 carried on with our equals. One carping, dispu- 
 tatious temper is the bane of peace in a’ home 
 where there are several brothers and sisters, while 
 one truly patient mind will sometimes succeed in 
 reconciling the most discordant elements, and 
 making a tranquil fireside of one that was most 
 turbulent. Be patient, then, and yielding to the 
 verge of right, but never beyond it. 
 
 Patience with servants is another most impor- 
 tant qualification for a young lady to strive to 
 acquire, who desires to know how to make a 
 happy home. In this country it is said a really 
 good servant is “one in a thousand,” and that 
 the other nine hundred, and ninety-nine vary, in 
 all degrees, from passable down to bad, worse, 
 and worst. Is not it possible that the sanie 
 classification may be just as fairly applied to mis- 
 tresses ? It is very certain that there is no rela- 
 tion in life in which perfect good understanding 
 of mutual duties is more absolutely needed than 
 between the mistress of a house and her domes- 
 tics, and none in which it is more difficult to 
 
166 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 preserve the exact medium between undue famil- 
 iarity and harsh exaction and repulsiveness ; yet 
 this line of separation must be found and kept 
 by every lady who desires at once to do her duty 
 as a Christian and maintain her dignity as a mis- 
 tress. For this the practice of 'patience is more 
 specific than that .of any other virtue. It will 
 give the command over self that is the first essen- 
 tial for ruling others ; it will prevent all over- 
 bearing, arbitrary treatment of servants, yet, 
 with silent, unyielding resolution, assert the right 
 of the mistress to be obeyed. It will teach how 
 not to pass over faults, but to choose the right 
 time, place, and way to reprehend them, and at 
 the same time to exhibit a due consideration for 
 a domestic’s feelings and rights. 
 
 It will teach also how to bear with the igno- 
 rance as well as the faults of a servant. How 
 many a poor girl, full of good will and good in- 
 tentions, but not knowing how to put them into 
 practice, has been repulsed, discouraged, ruined, 
 as far as her efficiency as a servant goes, by the 
 want of a little patience in any one of all the 
 numerous mistresses with whom she has engaged 
 to teach her her proper business, and bear with 
 her mistakes and forgetfulness, till the habit of 
 doing her various duties properly was fully 
 formed. Very few, but very praiseworthy, are 
 the examples of the opposite class of mistresses, 
 who have found truly that “ patient waiting is 
 no loss,” but secured a valuable domestic aid and 
 an humble friend for life, by the practice for a 
 few weeks or months of this beautiful virtue. 
 
PATIENCE AT HOME. 
 
 167 
 
 The name might here be given of a lady, high 
 in station and personal worth, accomplished in 
 every sense of the word, whose household, vast 
 as it is, is admirably conducted in every detail, 
 from cellar to garret. Did all her servants come, 
 ready taught, to her feet? ITo; she herself 
 made them what they are. 
 
 In a smaller household in one of the eastern 
 cities the same exercise of patience has met the 
 same reward, the mistress of it having had the 
 wisdom to take ignorant, but seemingly well 
 disposed girls, from the ship in which they had 
 just “come over,” and train them herself, giving 
 time, labor, and patience, and gaining her end, 
 in securing efficient servants. 
 
 It may not be out of place to mention that in 
 this latter household the servants were taught 
 writing and arithmetic, by the voluntary, patient, 
 persistent efforts of a child of thirteen years old, 
 who every evening, after preparing her own 
 lessons for school, devoted an hour to her three 
 pupils in the kitchen, till, to their delight, each 
 one was able to write a neat letter back to the 
 “old counthry” without help. 
 
 “ Of all the lovely virtues 
 • That adorn and cheer our path. 
 
 Patient perseverance 
 
168 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 HOUSEWOEK. 
 
 ROB ABLY the heading of this 
 chapter will be read with a scorn- 
 ful curl of the lip by many young 
 ladies who think they best prove 
 their title by professing, both 
 theoretically and practically, their 
 ignorance of household duties, yet 
 who desire and expect at some 
 future time to marry and become 
 mistresses of households. But, “a perfect wo- 
 man, nohly planned,” is a woman who includes 
 in herself all that appertains to her part of 
 human nature, and she knows the more import- 
 ant part to her is the “home department.” A 
 lady who fills her place here well, in all its 
 various parts, is truly the “perfect woman” the 
 poet describes, and we are not surprised to find 
 that while he begins by finding her “ a phantom 
 of delight,” he ends by discovering she is 
 
HOUSEWORK. 
 
 169 
 
 “ A being bieathing tbouglitfiil breath, 
 
 A traveler betwixt life and death, 
 
 With reason firm, and tempei'ate 'will. 
 
 Prudence, foresight, strength and skill.” 
 
 And that she is competent to fulfil, in other 
 relations of life, all the offices of a true help- 
 meet, and “to warn, to comfort, and command.” 
 It is a grievous mistake young ladies make 
 when they look on life from the romantic point 
 of view rather than the practical. There is 
 always some romance underlying even the most 
 ordinary, common-place, everyday sort of life, 
 and it is well for each one who can see it, and 
 make it a relief to the monotony and weariness 
 of an unvarying round of duties. The mistake 
 is when they allow the romance to come upper- 
 most, and leave the practical duties quite out nf 
 sight, and the result of the error is idleness, 
 carelessness, and utter indifference to the homely 
 wants of a household. It is precisely these non- 
 chalant romantic ladies who are ever the most 
 disposed to complain of the inefficiency of their 
 servants, and a careful study of the pro and con 
 compels to the conclusion that they have never 
 taken any care to train their servants to do any- 
 thing, for the very sufficient reason they did not 
 themselves know any better how the work of a 
 house should be done. 
 
 The woman is to be pitied, whether married 
 or single, who, knowing nothing practically of 
 the cares of housekeeping, is ignorant also of its 
 delights ; for if it has its trials and disappoiht- 
 15 
 
170 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ments, of which we hear so much, it has its 
 pleasures also, though they have not been so 
 eloquently set forth. A life without regular 
 occupation, for some part at least of each day, is 
 a dreary, insipid life, no matter how full it is of 
 what we called pleasures and amusements, and 
 sooner or later ennui takes possession of the 
 lady who lives such a life, though, like the 
 habitual drunkard, she cannot dispense with the 
 excitement of the dissipations to which she is 
 accustomed. 
 
 The lady, however, who, whether wealthy or 
 of moderate means, da,ily gives some portion of 
 her time to household duties, and takes a real 
 interest in all the details, great and small, of her 
 home, and who, moreover, is not only competent 
 to direct, but able and willing to do with her 
 own hands any part of the work when it is 
 needful to supply the place of a sick or missing 
 servant, is safe forever from this demon of ennui ; 
 and not only so, but will, with far more zest, 
 enter into all the lawful amusements of her age 
 and station.' The feet that have during part of 
 the morning been industriously moving around 
 in “household motions light and free,” will in 
 the evening dance all the more lightly and 
 merrily, and the hands that have perhaps been 
 wielding the broom or the duster, will fly just as 
 deftly over the keys of the piano or strings of 
 the harp. 
 
 Indeed, knowledge of housekeeping, real prac- 
 tical knowledge, is the most precious of all 
 
HOUSEWORK. 
 
 171 
 
 accomplisliments, and every sensible woman will 
 so regard it, and not, in tbe fashion of the sillier 
 portion, degrade it by giving it tbe name of 
 drudgery, and considering it a mark of elegance 
 to be ignorant of household details. It is most 
 precious, because valuable and desirable as are 
 the various other parts of a liberal and complete 
 education, this is indispensable to almost all 
 women, and nothing will supply the want of it. 
 No man of sense, no gentleman of refinement 
 will marry, unless under a mistake as to her real 
 character, a lady who does not know how to 
 order a house, and keep all its machinery 
 properly in motion ; and sadly disappointed and 
 disgusted is many a one who finds the woman 
 he has chosen not only incapable of making a 
 home for him, but unwilling even to learn, des- 
 pising the needful care and labor, and expecting 
 from servants the fulfilment of their duties and 
 her own too. 
 
 Many ladies interest themselves in the 
 arrangement of the drawing-room, parlors, and 
 dining-room, “company rooms” as they are 
 called, and take care that taste and refinement 
 shall be exhibited, because elegant, artistic, in- 
 tellectual pursuits will thus claim the admiration 
 of visitors, but the private family apartments, 
 the sitting-room, the kitchen, the sleeping- 
 rooms, will be left to their fate, and the fidelity 
 or want of fidelity of the domestics. 
 
 The really good housekeeper and refined lady 
 while by no means neglecting anything that can 
 
172 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 render a home beautiful, will, however, make it 
 her first object to see that it is comfortable, and 
 the real comforts of a home are in the perfect 
 cleanliness and convenient orderly arrangements 
 of its more private parts, and the regular syste- 
 matic routine of housework and punctuality in 
 meals. Though both young ladies and gentle- 
 men have equal need to learn the importance of 
 “ a place for everything, and everything in its 
 place, a time for everything, and everything in 
 its time,” yet it would seem, of the two clauses of 
 the maxim, the first is more applicable for the 
 gentleman, who is most apt to be untidy — the 
 last to the lady, who is more given to be unpunc- 
 tual, especially in that point of daily importance 
 to men of all occupations, exactness to the din- 
 ner hour. 
 
 A lady who wishes her home to be well 
 ordered, should be able not only to superintend 
 and give her orders, but to lend a helping hand 
 to her domestics, when from any emergency of 
 sickness or absence the ordinary routine of the 
 day or week is broken into, or when the need of 
 instructing a new servant arises. She will thus 
 also save herself from any attempt at imposition, 
 by proving to the servants she knoivs how all 
 ought to be done, and will not submit to the 
 work being slighted in any way. Let her, if 
 there is necessity, with gloved hands and ’kerchief 
 over her hair, take the broom and sweep over 
 herself the neglected part of the carpet, in the 
 dark corner or under the wardrobe or sideboard. 
 
HOUSEWOBK. 
 
 173 
 
 to show the slatternly or ignorant girl she ‘ ‘ sees 
 dirt,” as the phrase has it, and knows what good 
 sweeping is. Let her strip a bed, and shake and 
 smooth it properly, and arrange the covers and 
 the pillows, and turn down the sheet with the 
 exact symmetry a well-made bed should have. 
 Nay, let her not shrink from going farther than 
 this, and by that point of points, that test of 
 tests, by which the perfection of a good cham- 
 bermaid is effectually cleaning the bed- 
 
 stead — let her, by showing how it ought to be 
 done, and how often, not leave a careless servant 
 any excuse for allowing troops of ‘ ‘ horrid red- 
 coats ” to invade the peaceful slumbers of her 
 family. 
 
 If the cook is incompetent or absent, let the 
 lady be able, (in neat calico wrapper — not a cast- 
 off fine dress,) to go into her kitchen, not only to 
 prepare the delicate pastry, cake, <fec., as some 
 ladies with an affectation of good housekeeping- 
 do, but the real substantial parts of an ordinary 
 repast, the beef, potatoes and cabbage. It is a 
 pity in this the hands must be subjected to some , 
 rough usage, but a far greater pity it would be if 
 her husband and children must eat ill-cooked 
 viands or go hungry, and know that their com- 
 fort depended, not on the wife and mother, but 
 on a hired cook. No ; let the true lady prove 
 she is 
 
 “A creature not too bright and good 
 For human nature’s daily food,” 
 
 in a far better sense than the poet had in view 
 15 * 
 
174 
 
 EXCELSIOli. 
 
 when he penned the lines. If, in addition to 
 this, when her well-cooked dinner has been dis- 
 cussed and enjoyed, she once in a while shows 
 her girls the right way to “wash the dishes,” 
 for there is a right and wrong way here, too, she 
 will be more secure of never seeing her table 
 disgraced by greasy plates and dishes, knives 
 and forks with gritty or sticky handles, clouded 
 tumblers, and dull, tarnished silver. 
 
 “ If on our daily course our mind 
 Be set to hallow all we find, 
 
 New treasures still, of countless price, 
 
 God will provide for sacrifice. 
 
 “ The trivial round, the common task 
 AVill furnish all we need to ask; 
 
 Room to deny ourselves ; a road 
 To bring us daily nearer God. 
 
 “ Old friends, old scenes will lovelier be, 
 
 , As more of heaven in each we see; 
 
 Some softening gleam of love and prayer. 
 
 Shall dawn on every cross and care. 
 
 “ O, could we learn that sacrifice. 
 
 What lights would all around us rise. 
 
 How would our hearts with wisdom talk 
 Along life’s dullest, dreariest walk.” 
 
PLAIN SEWING. 
 
 175 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 PLAIN SEWING. 
 
 NE other requisite will not he over- 
 looked by the lady who desires to 
 be a “perfect woman ” — useful nee- 
 dle work. “ Fancy work,” of one 
 kind or another, is always the rage ; 
 some new sort is always being in- 
 vented, or some forgotten old one 
 brought forward again with im- 
 provements, to supply the place of 
 the one that has had its day and is laid aside. 
 But “plain sewing” never seems in favor, it is 
 looked on as a weary task, to be got rid of any 
 how it can. Few families are now without a 
 sewing machine, and their use is most thankfully 
 to be received as a relief to the over-tasked mis- 
 tress of a large family, with small ineans to hire 
 assistance, in the still beginning, never-ending 
 task of keeping the supply of house linen, and 
 husband’s and children’s clothes up to require- 
 ments. With its help she may, sometimes at 
 
176 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 least, give a practical refutation to the dreary 
 old saying that “Man’s work is from sun to sun, 
 but woman’s work is never done,” and feel at 
 leisure occasionally to enjoy the social and intel- 
 lectual relaxations of life. But even the most 
 perfect of sewing machines, even that which will 
 “stitch, run, fell, hem, tuck, gather, braid,” and 
 finally “work the button-holes,” cannot do all 
 and everything that is comprised under the head 
 of plain sewing. Even for the best of sewing 
 machines it is necessary for every seam to be 
 accurately arranged, and before that, for every 
 article to be cut out and prepared, and to do this 
 well, with a proper regard for neatness in fit and 
 shape of each garment, and due economy in the 
 use of material, knowledge and care that only 
 personal experiejice will give is needed — knowl- 
 edge that can only be gradually acquired. 
 
 That mother is a wise one who, instead of giv- 
 ing her little girl a doll ready dressed and with 
 a complete wardrobe, presents it as the babe is 
 born, with materials to dress it well, and shows 
 the little one how both to cut out and put to- 
 gether all the garments for her new pet. It is 
 a double pleasure to the child, and the beginning 
 of a valuable store of knowledge for after life. 
 
 To return to the “children of a larger growth,” 
 who, more the pity, learned long ago to despise 
 dolls, but who, many of them, do not know how to 
 make even a doll’s clothes properly, it is well if 
 even now they will be persuaded that skill in the 
 use of the needle is not in any station an art to 
 
PLAIN SEWING. 
 
 be despised. Few indeed are the women who go 
 through life without having felt the necessity of 
 knowing something of patching and darning, and 
 all the varieties of mending, and no little differ- 
 -ence is there in both the appearance and comfort 
 of apparel carelessly mended or left unrepaired, 
 and that repaired with a neatly arranged patch, 
 or a smooth flat darn ; this is especially the case 
 with stockings, which, if mended in that disgrace 
 in thrifty housewives’ eyes, “gobble stitch,” do 
 not last half the time they ought, and are a mis- 
 ery for tender feet to wear. As to wearing un- 
 mended hose because “ the holes wont show,” it 
 is to be hoped few women are guilty of the 
 enormity, excusable only in that most forlorn 
 type of humanity, the “ old bachelor,” who, un- 
 happy being, has no one to darn his stockings 
 for him. 
 
 Even for those who are never under the ne- 
 cessity that others are all the time, of exerting 
 their skill to keep up a respectable appearance 
 by trying to “ mak’ auld claithes look maist as 
 gude’s the new,” there is need, constant need, 
 unless they are very slatternly of that provident 
 stitch in time that saves nine ; and if they are 
 wise they, too, will try to ^attain some expertness 
 in the saving art of mending. It has been re- 
 marked somewhere that a pretty hand never 
 looks so pretty as when sewing, and for the fur- 
 ther encouragement of those disposed for useful 
 industry in this respect, this old poem is also 
 given . 
 
178 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 THE NEEDLE. 
 
 The gay belle of fashion boast of excelling 
 * In waltz or cotillion, at whist or quadrille, 
 
 And seek admiration by vauntingly telling 
 Of drawing and painting, and musical skill ; 
 
 But give me the fair one, in country or city. 
 
 Whose home and its duties are dear to her heart, 
 
 Who cheerfully warbles some rustical ditty 
 While plying the needle with exquisite art. 
 
 The bright little needle, the swift flying needle, 
 
 The needle directed by beauty and art. 
 
 If love have a potent, a magical token, 
 
 A talisman ever resistless and true, 
 
 A charm that is never evaded or broken, 
 
 A witchery certain the heart to subdue : 
 
 ’Tis this : — and his armory never has furnished 
 So keen or unerring or polished a dart ; 
 
 Let beauty direct it, so pointed and burnished, 
 
 And, Oh, it is certain of touching the heart. 
 
 The needle, the needle, the bright little needle, 
 
 The needle directed by beauty and art. 
 
 Be wise, then, ye maidens, nor seek admiration 
 By dressing for conquest and flirting with all ; 
 
 You never, whatever your fortune or station. 
 
 Appear half so lovely, at rout or at ball. 
 
 As gaily convened at a work-covered table. 
 
 Each cheerfully active and playing her part. 
 
 Beguiling her task with a song or a fable. 
 
 And plying the needle with exquisite art. 
 
 Tlie needle, the needle^the bright little needle. 
 
 The needle directed by beauty and art. 
 
 And to end tliis cliapter by showing how ex- 
 pertness in needle work may profit the soul as 
 well as the body, here is a motive for cultivating 
 skill better than all, to use it in working for the 
 
PLAIN SEWING. 
 
 179 
 
 poor. Few of the laboring class of women, ex- 
 cept those who make their living by their nee- 
 dles, are either good sewers or know how to cut 
 out to advantage ; and even those who do, in the 
 ceaseless toil to provide the first necessaries of 
 life, shelter, food and fuel, have little time or 
 means to spend on their clothes. The lady who, 
 in addition to the assistance in money or neces- 
 saries she is supposed, as a Christian, to be 
 always ready to bestow on the destitute or strug- 
 gling poor, will regularly give also some of her 
 time to making clothing for them, will be chari- 
 table in an even greater degree to her own soul, 
 by the self-denial she will practice in taking it 
 from more elegant and agreeable occupations. 
 This is of far more merit than the mere giving 
 from her superfluities can ever be ; and good sub- 
 stantial clothing made from proper materials for 
 the use of the poor, of far more value and com- 
 fort to them than the soiled, half-worn or out-of- 
 fashion garments of their own, some ladies dis- 
 pense in what they call charity. 
 
180 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTEE VII. 
 
 THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 
 
 HESE cliapters are merely supple- 
 mental to the preceding work, and 
 intended to supply to young ladies 
 the suggestions that could not, 
 without interfering with its se- 
 quence and consistency, be intro- 
 duced into it; little reference is, 
 therefore, made in this part to 
 school duties. All the motives 
 and inducements that were urged in the chapter 
 on College, to persuade to diligence, systematic 
 thoroughness, and judgment in the selection of 
 studies, are of just as much application to the 
 young girl as to the young man. A lady’s col- 
 lege course may not, in all its details, be the 
 same as a gentleman’s, but in its general outline 
 it is, and its result, success or failure in life, de- 
 pends, in the one .case as in the other, on the 
 good use made of it. In nothing else, outside of 
 sj)iritual application, is the warning more appo- 
 
THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 
 
 181 
 
 site: “Let not any part of a good gift over- 
 pass thee,” than in this, in the opportunity — 
 vainly longed for by many from whom it is with- 
 held — to obtain a good, a complete education.” 
 A due appreciation of the value of this privilege 
 will, by increasing affectionate gratitude to pa- 
 rents, who afford it often at the expense of denial 
 of personal gratifications, counteract all danger 
 of filial love becoming cooled by absence ; and 
 the desire to please a beloved father and mother, 
 to meet their just hopes and expectations, will, 
 or at least should, be the best incentive to ear- 
 nest, untiring diligence. The tastes and wishes 
 of parents should be consulted by pupils in the 
 selection of different branches of study, rather 
 than their own fancies ; their advice should be 
 asked in respect to conduct ; and, as far as pos- 
 sible, the same dependence felt and expressed on 
 their authority while at school, as when under 
 their immediate care at home. 
 
 Letters to parents, though written according 
 to the rules of the institution, at regular inter- 
 vals, should yet be the spontaneous outpourings 
 of affectionate, reverential feelings. Instead of 
 leaving all to set times for writing, when the 
 supposed necessity of making, in the first place, 
 a good composition, causes too often a stiff, formal 
 appearance in their letters, it would be well if 
 children were more careful to keep warm in their 
 hearts and memories the thoughts of home and all 
 the dear ones there, that from time to time arise 
 simply and naturallv, and thus treasure them up 
 16 
 
182 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 to fill their letters with. Such letters as these 
 are inexpressibly sweet and precious to parents. 
 
 A few words will be said on each of the three 
 points, Moral, Mental, and Physical Education, 
 as applicable to ladies. 
 
 Of the first, all that has been said by different 
 authors to prove that, in moral nature and train- 
 ing, women are, as a general thing, superior to 
 men, must, it is to be feared, be put down rather 
 to courtesy and generosity than to truth. They 
 are far more frequent in the commission of many 
 of the minor misdeeds of society than men are ; 
 the petty mischief-maker — the tale-bearer — the 
 scandal-monger — the detractor, is it not, nine 
 times out of ten, found to be a woman? Are 
 they not more envious, more jealous, more bitter, 
 more spiteful, more unforgiving to each other, 
 than men? And last, not least, are they not 
 more deceitful? If this last be granted it will 
 probably be with the excusing clause that, like 
 all timid and weaker creatures, they take refuge 
 in concealment, and by that very admission the 
 point will be unconsciously granted that, in moral 
 nature, woman is not superior to man. 
 
 It is not intended, however, by any means, to 
 insinuate that she is inferior. If below him in 
 some points, she is as far above him in others, and 
 probably an analysis of the characteristics of the 
 two halves of humanity would result in this con- 
 clusion— that the chief failings on the man’s side 
 may be summed up under the general head of 
 selfishness, contrasted by the self-devotion of 
 
THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 
 
 183 
 
 woman to the good and happiness of others, at 
 the expense of personal gratification; and that 
 the besetting sin of women is uncharitableness — a 
 disposition to judge harshly — and speak severely, 
 of their own sex especially, in contradistinction 
 to the greater magnanimity and generosity of 
 men to offenders, whether men or women. We 
 will leave the gentlemen to take care of them- 
 selves, and let each decide under what special 
 aspect his type of selfishness makes itself appa- 
 rent — egotism, love of ease, indifference to the 
 feelings of others, (fee. — and concern ourselves 
 with trying to amend, in any case these words 
 may ii-duence, the proneness of women to un- 
 charitableness. “There is no rule without an 
 exception” holds good in all cases, and gladly is 
 it allowed there are noble instances of lofty self- 
 devotion among men, and among women, not a 
 few whose lips are stainless from even one wil- 
 fully uncharitable word ; but it is to the generality 
 these pages are addressed, and let the consciences 
 of the majority of women answer, if not with too 
 just cause. Let themselves be theirmwn judges. 
 In -any case in which her character, her good 
 name, is in danger, either with or without rea- 
 son, is it not from the harsh judgments, the bit- 
 ter comments of her sister women she shrinks far 
 more than from the fear of what men will think or 
 say of her? 0, if women, young and old, would 
 but take to heart the enormity of the evil of rash 
 judgment, rash expression of opinions, rash de- 
 tails of the conduct of others, uncharitable com- 
 
184 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ments on words or deeds they may not have 
 understood in their real meaning, 'petty tale- 
 bearing, half, nay, nearly all, the quarrels and 
 misunderstandings of the world — the social world 
 in which they live — would be at an end. A so- 
 cial millenium would commence — -a complete 
 revolution in society would be the result. The 
 uncharitable, tattling tongue of one woman ! To 
 think of the mischief it can do ! The pain, the 
 suffering, the misery, the despair it can cause in 
 the world ! It makes one tremble and shudder 
 to think of it ! Only God knows how many bro- 
 ken hearts have gone in uncomplaining silence to 
 the grave, struck to death by the barbed tongues 
 of the scandal-loving among women. 
 
 It is often made the excuse for detailing some 
 precious morsel of evil-speaking, “I know it to 
 be strictly true.” That is no excuse at all for 
 telling the story ; more : it is far rather a reason 
 for striving to suppress it. A lie can, and prob- 
 ably will, die out or be discovered, and the ma- 
 ligned person’s chai’acter shine out with brighter 
 lustre for the attempt made to tarnish it ; but a 
 truth — 0, there is inherent life in a truth — even 
 a hard, cruel, uncharitable truth, and it may 
 wound to death some poor heart, far more weak 
 than wicked, if it be thoughtlessly proclaimed ; 
 while its wise and merciful concealment world 
 perhaps have been salvation for it, in this would 
 and the other. Said St. Francis de Sales: “The 
 truth that is not charitable proceeds always from 
 a charity that is not true.” 
 
THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 
 
 185 
 
 No one can estimate another’s feelings ; no one 
 can judge of the sensitive point in another’s na- 
 ture — a more obtuse mind would not feel what, 
 to a tender and delicate one, would he bitter 
 pain ; no one can comprehend how some unknown 
 circumstance, or internal consciousness of appli- 
 cation, may cause, what to them seems a very 
 trifling remark, to sting deeply the one of whom 
 it is made ; and therefore, in speaking of others, 
 no rule is safe, except the absolute, unqualifled 
 rule — to speak no evil of our neighbor. 
 
 There is equal reproof to the detractor and 
 comfort for the detracted in these lines : 
 
 “ The little griefs — the petty wounds — 
 
 The stabs of daily care; 
 
 ‘ Crackling of thorns beneath the pot,’ 
 
 As life’s fire burns — now cold, now hot — 
 
 How hard they are to bear. 
 
 “ But on the fire burns, clear and still, 
 
 The cankering sorrow dies ; 
 
 The small wound heals, the clouds are rent. 
 
 An through this shattered mortal tent, 
 
 Look down the eternal skies.” 
 
 For those who, more in thoughtlessness of 
 mind than uncharitableness of heart, allow them- 
 selves to talk unguardedly of their neighbor, the 
 following lines are also given : 
 
 “ O, the wounds I might have healed, 
 
 The human sorrow and smart ! 
 
 And yet it never was in my soul 
 To play so ill a part ; 
 
 But evil is wrought by want of thought. 
 
 As well as want of heart.” 
 
 16 * 
 
186 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Let tlie young lady, who desires to rise high 
 in the scale of moral excellence, guard herself 
 from all the faults of human nature, hut watch, 
 with a special, jealous watch, against this special 
 sin of womanhood, hfo guard can be too care- 
 ful— no care too great; for rash judgment, and 
 its sure companion, uncharitable speaking, are 
 lurking devils, always lying in wait and watch- 
 ing for an opportunity, in all companies, in every 
 conversation, to find an opening for insinuating 
 their venom, sure, if they can do it, of wounding 
 two souls at once — the detractor and detracted. 
 
 It is in smaller circles of societ}^ above all, 
 where this guard is especially needed; the nar- 
 row clique, the little village circle, benevolent 
 associations of ladies, who, thrown together more 
 frequently and intimately, see more of each oth- 
 er’s failings, and are more prone to whisperings 
 about each other. Little remarks are made, now 
 and again, of some absent one, “that mean no 
 harm,” but, being repeated and detailed, grow, 
 heaven knows how, into serious accusations. 
 
 An admirable essay on the moral and mental 
 elevation of woman, by Monseigneur Dupanloup, 
 Bishop of Orleans,* which will in the following 
 chapter be largely quoted, refers to this point, 
 giving the experience of a young woman. She 
 writes to him: “For three years I have seen 
 
 society in the provinces ; it differs little from that 
 of other (provincial) places, I suppose. Ah, 
 
 ■^Translated for and published in the Catholic World, October 
 and November, 18G7. 
 
THE BESETTING SIN OF WOMEN. 
 
 187 
 
 me ! sometimes at the end of the day I sum up 
 six or seven hours spent, with or against my 
 will, in gossip about my neighbors that, while 
 compromising .charity, has exhausted the mind 
 and narrowed the already narrow horizon.” 
 
 Members of all communities, no matter what 
 their object, or how estimable individually, need 
 to guard themselves from this propensity to deal 
 in personalities. In the essay on “Conversa- 
 tion” in the preceding part of this work, very 
 just and sensible remarks were made as to how 
 far personal observations were admissible in gen- 
 eral conversation, and the limit clearly defined. 
 
 In institutes for education of young ladies, 
 each one needs, if she would preserve a perfect 
 character for high-mindedness, to be especially 
 careful on this point. Among the young, 
 whether in the family or at school, it is the 
 “tell-tale” who is the object of general suspi- 
 cion and aversion, and the character once fixed 
 on any one is never got rid of. When it is 
 necessary to give information of any breach of 
 discipline observed in another, it should be done 
 simply and quietly, and left for the directress to 
 deal with. Beware of whispering §md pointing 
 out among companions any fault of the kind, or 
 of any other character ; your very confidants in 
 such cases will learn to distrust and despise you. 
 
 The solemn and beautiful precept: “Judge 
 not, and you shall not be judged, condemn not, 
 and you shall not be condemned,” should be, in 
 literal practice, the golden rule of women, their 
 
188 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 guard against sins of uncharitableness in thought 
 and word ; as men need to study more in details 
 and take in a more active sense than they 
 usually do, the golden rule to '‘Do unto others 
 as ye would that they should do unto you,” and 
 not merely in passive, self-loving indolence, leave 
 others alone. 
 
MENTAL TRAINING. 
 
 189 - 
 
 CHAPTER VIII. 
 
 MENTAL TRAINING.- 
 
 0 speak of mental training for 
 women is always a difficult point. 
 To give it its due importance, and 
 yet keep it in subjection to higher 
 duties, for strict as is the obliga- 
 tion imposed on her to use and 
 improve every talent God has en- 
 trusted to her keeping, it is very 
 certain He has given her some- 
 thing to do in this world of even more conse- 
 quence to herself and others than to become 
 proficient in literature, art, or science. It is 
 only when she knows, and acts on the knowl- 
 edge, that mental cultivation is not for her, an 
 end in itself, but a means to another end, to 
 enable her the better to fulfil her womanly duties, 
 especially as a wife and mother, that it is safe to 
 urge it on her. 
 
 On the other hand, it may be said that to cul- 
 tivate a taste for intellectual pursuits is the only 
 
190 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 way to deliver the women of this age from the 
 general spirit of frivolity that seems to possess 
 them, and to enable them with more credit to 
 themselves to occupy their place in the world. 
 
 It is to be feared that for every one woman 
 who indulges in mental occupations to the injury 
 of her domestic duties, there are a hundred who 
 neglect them for the far more reprehensible in- 
 dulgence of idleness, vanity and dissipation, and 
 this as a matter of taste and preference, because 
 they have no enjoyment in intellectual pursuits. 
 •How to impart this taste, how to induce women 
 to seek relaxation and enjoyment in such occu- 
 pations, is the real problem ; if that could be 
 solved, the way to reconcile devotion to any 
 mental pursuit, with the faithful and cheerful 
 performance of domestic duties, would be a com- 
 paratively easy task. 
 
 It is very hard to define woman’s true place 
 in the world, her rights and duties ; to put her in 
 the exact position she should occupy, between 
 the absurd and outrageous one claimed by the 
 misnamed “strong minded” woman’s rights 
 woman— the weakest and most foolish of their 
 sex — and that assigned to her by those who 
 would have her consider herself hardly as a 
 responsible being, having no duties except 
 domestic ones, no claims except to protection, 
 indulgence, and fondness from men. 
 
 It is said, in the Jewish Liturgy occurs this 
 episode : The men in the body of the synagogue 
 chanting alternately with the women in the 
 
MENTAL Training. 
 
 191 
 
 galleries say: “We thank Thee, 0 Lord, that 
 Thou hast not created us women.” Whereupon 
 the women, in the true spirit of the devout sex, 
 respond: “We thank Thee, 0 Lord, that Thou 
 hast created us as it hath pleased Thee.” No 
 better illustration could be found for defining the 
 spirit with which woman should be actuated if 
 she will only understand it, and take it to its 
 full extent ; that is, see and believe that God has 
 created her subordinate to man. She is the 
 completion of his nature, as he is the beginning 
 of hers. He cannot do her part in the world, 
 neither can she do his. The master minds in all 
 arts and sciences are the minds of men. 
 
 A clever American ’ author, a woman too, 
 says: “It is true there are and have been 
 women who have distinguished themselves 
 greatly in the higher branches of art and liter- 
 ature, and on whom the light of genius has 
 clearly descended. But can the annals of women 
 produce a female Shakspeare, a female Milton, a 
 Goldsmith, a Campbell, or a Scott? What 
 woman has painted like Raphael or Titian, or like 
 the best artists of our own times? Mrs. Darner 
 and Mrs. Siddons had a talent for sculpture, so 
 had Marie -of Orleans, the accomplished daughter 
 of Louis Phillippe.'-”' Yet what are the produc-' 
 tions of these talented ladies compared to those 
 of Thorwaldsen, Can ova, Chantrey, and the 
 
 * Had this author lived a little longer she would have added 
 the names ol Miss Ilosmer, and other American lady artists who 
 are a glory to their native land. 
 
192 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 master chisels of the great American statuaries. 
 Women have been excellent musicians, and have 
 made fortunes by their voices ; but is there 
 among them a Mozart, a Bellini, a Michael 
 Kelly, an Auber, a Boieldieu? Has a woman 
 made an improvement on a steam engine or on 
 anything connected with the mechanic arts ? 
 And yet these things have been done by men of 
 no early education, by self-taught men. A good 
 tailor fits, cuts out and sews better than the most 
 celebrated female dressmaker. A good man 
 cook far excels a good woman cook. Whatever 
 may be their merits as assistants, women are 
 rarely found who are very successful at the head 
 of any establishment th'at requires energy and 
 originality of mind. Truth is, the female sex is 
 really as inferior to the male in vigor of mind 
 as in strength of body ; and all arguments to the 
 contrary are founded on a few anomalies, or 
 based on theories that can never be reduced to 
 practice.” 
 
 What, then, if this does not all go to prove 
 she is inferior? It simply goes to prove she 
 cannot take man’s place in the world, she cannot 
 be the head and leader, she cannot cope with 
 hhn on an equality even ; that her proper place is 
 subordinate to his, and that she must submit to 
 acknowledge it, without thereby expressing any 
 discontented sense of inferiority, because, like him, 
 she is simply filling the place God created her 
 for, and for which alone she is fitted. She should 
 use to their uttermost exteiit the talents and in- 
 
MENTAL TRAINING. 
 
 193 
 
 fluence in the world that God has given her, hut 
 not proudly insist on claiming an equality He 
 has not given. Her glory is in her humility ; 
 her honor in her generous spirit of subjection to 
 superior claims. The most blessed of all women 
 was “exalted” precisely by, and because of her 
 humility. 
 
 With these thoughts for a foundation, we may 
 venture to show woman how lofty her claims 
 may be made to respect and consideration for in- 
 tellectual endowments, and try to excite some 
 ambition for higher pursuits in those who, in 
 disregard and neglect of God’s good gifts,, fritter 
 away in idleness, dress, gossip and petty dissipa- 
 tion, all their lives, or at least all the leisure 
 they can obtain from duties they dare not 
 neglect. For the better disposed, those who 
 faithfully fulfil domestic duties, but who have 
 not .thought how they can put to the best profit 
 odd time, hours, half-hours, spare ininutes, that 
 even the busiest have at their disposal some- 
 times, for such as these it can be shown there is 
 encouragement to use them in intellectual occu- 
 pations, with the hope of finding some really 
 valuable result in thus using even such rem- 
 nants of time. 
 
 For this purpose we cannot do better than 
 take for guide the essay lately given to the 
 world by Monsiegneur Dupanloup, Bishop of 
 Orleans. A noble, advocacy of her rights, and a 
 series of wise and. benevolent counsels and sug- 
 gestions, for winch every high-minded woman 
 17 
 
194 
 
 .EXCELSIOR. 
 
 whom they reach will give him heart-warm 
 gratitude. The quotations made will not be in 
 the order he gave them, but as best comes in 
 with the comments to be made on thefin for 
 American ladies. It must be remembered, too, 
 these pages are not written so much for the more 
 superior-minded among women, who can do their 
 own thinking, as to persuade those of ordinary 
 intelligence, those who are only conscious of 
 mediocrity of talent, to try to acquire informa- 
 tion, and not to be discouraged from cultivating 
 and using their gifts, however humble they may. 
 be, for: “One need not create master-pieces to 
 prove the possession of talent; God sends dew 
 to little flowers as well as to great trees, and 
 humble works may receive the fecundity of a 
 good action. Some must console a few souls 
 only, and like daily bread meet the day’s 
 requirements, without enduring to the morrow.” 
 Another chapter however must take up the 
 .subject. 
 
 CONTENT. 
 
 “ I envy not the rarer poets’ gifts ; 
 
 I ne’er repine 
 
 That God hath given unto them a worth 
 Exceeding mine. 
 
 “ Vf ith thankful heart tliat I can feel their power 
 I take my seat 
 
 To listen to the loftier strain they sing 
 Low at their feet. 
 
 “ I do not seek to echo in my verse, 
 
 That higher strain ; 
 
MENTAL TEAINING. 
 
 195 
 
 For the poor thrush to strive like lark to soar 
 And sing, were vain. 
 
 “ Contentedly I dwell within the shade, 
 
 And trill my song. 
 
 Glad if it gives a passing joy to one ' 
 
 Of all the throng. 
 
 “ Because from God alike our gifts all come, 
 And all fulfil. 
 
 If rightly used, the little and the great, 
 
 His gracious will. 
 
 R V. E. 
 
196 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 MENTAL TEAINING. 
 
 {Continued^ 
 
 ONSEIGNEUK Dupanloup’s 
 point of departure is this: “I 
 declare unhesitatingly that it is • 
 a woman’s duty to study and to 
 educate herself, and that intel- 
 lectual labor should have a place 
 reserved among her special oc- 
 cupations, and among her most 
 important obligations. ’ ’ “I say, 
 with St. Augustine, no creature to whom God 
 has confided the lamp of intelligence, has a right 
 to behave like a foolish virgin, letting the oil be- 
 come exhausted because she has neglected to re- 
 new it ; letting that light die out that was to 
 have enlightened her path, and that of others, 
 too, if only, as in the case of some wives and 
 mothers, that of her husband and children.” It 
 is not then a matter of choice for a conscientious 
 woman, whether she will or will not, occupy 
 
MENTAL TEAINING. 
 
 197 
 
 some part of her time in study ; it is a duty, 
 something she is bound to do if she would not 
 subject herself to a penalty in this life and the next 
 - for omitting it. Further on the Bishop begins 
 to define the ends for which she should study, 
 carefully giving home duties the precedence, he 
 declares study will in all cases fit a woman better 
 for fulfilling them, for, “If women are not the 
 first apostles of 'the home circle, no one else can 
 penetrate it ; but they must render themselves 
 thoroughly capable of fulfilling their apostleship.” 
 Intellectual gifts, whether little or great, must 
 always be supposed, in the order of Providence, 
 to correspond with the duties that will be re- 
 quired of their possessors in their families and 
 the world ; and therefore the more they are cul- 
 tivated the better will ordinary duties be per- 
 formed. 
 
 Another important consideration for women is 
 to secure some more lasting charm than mere 
 youthful beauty. “ As she loses it, the worth of 
 her mind must increase in her husband’s eyes, 
 and esteem perpetuate affection.” Especially 
 must this be the case where the husband is a 
 man of intellectual tastes, for his mind will grow 
 and' mature, and if the wife does not try to keep 
 pace with him, “ There will be brought about 
 between them what one may call a mental sepa- 
 ration." Mental superiority in women gives a 
 security for happiness in married life, and a ma- 
 ternal influence, over sons especially, that nothing 
 else can give, because it makes her not only an 
 17 * 
 
198 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 object of affection, but a necessary part of their 
 higher and better life, if, always, she takes care 
 to keep in her true womanly place ; if while ‘ ‘ she 
 feels they are proud of her, and have need of her, ' 
 it does not make her presumptuous.” 
 
 Monseigneur Dupanloup shows the influence 
 that can be exercised on her circle of society by 
 a woman who systematically cultivates her mind ; 
 how the tone of it can become elevated, and in 
 place of idle or mischievous gossip, long discus- 
 sions of dress, or whole evenings spent in danc- 
 ing, she may introduce, in re-unions at her own 
 house at least, more rational methods of enjoy- 
 ment. It is a matter of congratulation that as- 
 sociations of friends for reading and discussion . 
 of books, in which ladies take equal part, are 
 becoming known in some of the cities of this 
 country. Every mistress of a house can and 
 should do her part to spread this most rational 
 and agreeable plan for social amusement. Pri- 
 vate musical associations are also becoming more 
 common, and in both these cases, regular eve- 
 nings for meeting are the custom, and in regular 
 routine at the house of each member. With 
 some of these associations the very sensible rule 
 prevails to have “ no refreshments,” or only the 
 most inexpensive kind, in order that families of 
 cultivated tastes but limited means may not 
 be excluded by the impossibility of providing 
 for the entertainment of their friends in their 
 turn. 
 
 There must be and there should be social 
 
MENTAL TEAINING. 
 
 199 
 
 meetings for amusement, especially among tlie 
 young, and it is a matter of congratulation to 
 find they are not now altogether what “ soci- 
 ables” formerly were, mere meetings for danc- 
 ing, flirting, gossip, and the display of dress. 
 Every young lady who cultivates h.er own mind, 
 and tries in her immediate circle to spread this 
 better spirit, is doing a good work for God, her 
 neighbor, and herself. It is not to be supposed 
 that dancing is proscribed ; far from it. The 
 occasional and moderate indulgence in an amuse- 
 ment so natural to the young, the gay and light- 
 hearted,' will only give a greater zest to m'ore in- 
 tellectual enjoyments, if they, too, are cultivated. 
 It is only desirable in re-unions to substitute 
 something better than dancing or frivolous talk 
 for a first object in meeting together. 
 
 Mons. Dupanloup allows the force of three, ob- 
 jections that are made to- women being studious, 
 but gives reasonable answers to all three. 1st. 
 “A neglect of practical duties. This danger must 
 be met by fortifying practical education, by giv- 
 ing young girls habits of order and regularity 
 which double time and assign a place in life to 
 every duty; and above all, habits of practical 
 and solid piety, which means nothing else than 
 a courageous fulfillment of duty. 
 
 “ 2d. An exaltation of imagination, leading 
 to craving for intellectual enjoyments that can- 
 not always be granted. Here again piety alone 
 can preserve the equilibrium. The important 
 point is, to make education respond to the gifts 
 
200 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 of God. Excessive culture is dangerous ; insuf- 
 ficient culture perhaps more so. 
 
 “ 3d. Pride. This must be prevented by good 
 sense cultivated in a Christian manner. It is to 
 be remarked that if mental culture, like personal 
 charms, can excite pride, study has at least a 
 counterpoise. It gives an enlightened serious- 
 ness to the mind, while successes due to beauty 
 and dress cannot but be mischievous and frivo- 
 lous. We may be sure that a cultivated mind 
 is of all others the best fitted to a comprehen- 
 sion of duty. It is intelligent humility, that is 
 to say, true modesty, which preserves from ped- 
 antry.” 
 
 Nothing is more lamentable than the folly 
 of women who consider the education finished 
 when they leave school. “At that age they 
 have barely information enough to' enable them 
 to study alone. Leading strings are no longer 
 needed in their education, and that is all. 
 They are simply capable of continuing their 
 studies, and of enjoying the pleasures of indi- 
 vidual exertion. If a girl could be made to be- 
 lieve this, a serious and earnest future would be 
 secured to her. Young girls should regard the 
 close of their first duties as the beginning of a 
 life-long work, and on their marriage ', in the 
 first place, should establish study as one of the 
 duties of existence. Later, they are engrossed 
 with the education of their children, and can no 
 longer work to please themselves. But even 
 then the precious habit will cling to them as an 
 
MENTAL TRAINING. 
 
 201 
 
 inestimable consolation to be enjoyed in every 
 leisure hour ; and it remains to fill the void 
 that becomes so irksome when children escape 
 from their mother’s guidance, and she has once 
 more freedom and leisure without youth, its joys 
 or its energy. Labor is a faithful friend, that 
 adapts itself to the age and disposition of every 
 being who takes it as a companion for life.” 
 
 There may be many who are willing to em- 
 ploy rationally the gifts Grod gives them, but 
 who do not know how this could be done. They 
 would gladly, perhaps, spend the hours wasted 
 on novels, of a more or less objectionable class, 
 in reading of a higher character, if they knew 
 what to take up. Each should study her own 
 tastes and abilities in the first place, and also 
 her opportunities ; the object is not to become 
 learned, but duly to use and strengthen by use 
 her faculties of mind. Those who have talent 
 for any art — music, drawing, modeling — let them 
 cultivate that, not in an idle, desultory fashion, 
 but seriously trying for proficiency and for un- 
 derstanding of its rules and principles. 
 
 Where books are accessible for the purpose, a 
 regular course of reading may be taken up on 
 any subject that appears inviting, taking notes 
 of all that is especially interesting. A study 
 begun from a sense of duty, may seem uninter- 
 esting at first, but if persevered in becomes ab- 
 sorbingly delightful. 
 
 During the last half . century a multitude of 
 books have been written, making, by their popu- 
 
202 
 
 EXCELSIOn. 
 
 lar style, wliat were formerly very dry abstract 
 subjects, comprehensible and inviting. History, 
 in particular, has been so illustrated by personal 
 biographies, that one could hardly select that- of 
 any country tvithout finding the interest grow 
 the more it is studied. Geology, botany, natu- 
 ral history in all its branches, has been popu- 
 larized by books, strictly scientific in their 
 teachings, and yet easy, familiar, engaging, in 
 style. Travels again are an inexhaustible source 
 of mental improvement. Truly, there is no 
 want of material for study more or less within 
 the reach and comprehension of all, if the will 
 to study he not lacking, as alas ! it is in nearly 
 all of our generation of young ladies. 
 
 Ho point is of more consequence than to 
 prove how easily studious habits can and should 
 be reconciled to domestic duties in the greater 
 number of cases. With rich women always; 
 and even those whose time is filled up, ap- 
 parently, by the necessities of household occupa- 
 tions, because they cannot hire enough assistance 
 to dispense with the labors of their own hands, 
 if they have the will, can find the way to study. 
 Monseigneur Dupanloup says: “Clearly, house- 
 hold cares and home duties have a superior 
 claim ; husband, children, domestics, must be the 
 first interest of a woman who understands the 
 hierarchy of her duties;” yet, “my advice, if it 
 must be precisely defined, would be that she re- 
 serve at least two hours — if possible three hours 
 — of each day, for life, for intellectual culture.” 
 
MENTAL TRAINING. 
 
 203 
 
 “Good gracious!” many a woman will say, 
 “wliere are the two or three hours a day to be 
 .found, what shall they be taken from?” This 
 point is by no means overlooked, and the plain 
 answer giyen by the able essa.y is, “Let us be 
 honest and confess there are two obstacles to the 
 leisure required — talking and dress.” Yes; 
 gossip and finery. If all of her thoughts, her 
 time, her interest, that she can spare from house- 
 hold duties, are taken up with these two objects, 
 it is truly out of the power of nearly all women 
 to give any time to mental improvement. The 
 lady who, even with the help of a sewing 
 machine, thinks it necessary to tuck, flounce, or 
 trim in some way every dress she wears ; whose 
 undergarments are all more or less embroidered, 
 ruffled or braided ; who, to keep in the fashion, 
 is all the while compelled not only to be making 
 new dresses, but is perpetually remodeling her 
 old ones ; _ who, • not content with sufflcient 
 variety for neatness, comfort, and propriety, 
 according to her station, is always seeking for 
 novelties in costume, to rival in appearance her 
 compeers ; such an one has truly no more time 
 for literary pursuits than sufflces for the study of 
 the monthly fashion magazine, and no more im- 
 proving topics of conversation than its delightful 
 pages afford, varied and spiced, now and then, 
 with gossip and personal scandal. 
 
 It must be taken for a fixed necessity by those 
 who wish to adorn their minds, that some , part 
 of the time they use to adorn their bodies must 
 
204 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 be given up for the purpose ; and if they would 
 elevate their whole mental being they must learn 
 to abstain from the trifling gossiping talk that is 
 the most lowering, vulgarizing, and exhausting 
 of all mental employments. 
 
 Self-denial on these points, systematic arrange- 
 ment of household duties, strict punctuality, and 
 habits of order, “combined with a simplicity 
 that suppresses useless exactions, multiply an 
 industrious woman’s hours and make it possible 
 to meet any demand.” If even with this the 
 hours be wanting: “Very well, I say, for want 
 of regular hours let a woman devote odd minutes 
 to study. There are always some in the busiest 
 lives ; moments that occur between the various 
 occupations of the day; and she must learn to 
 work by fits and starts, in a desultory fashion. 
 There is a wide difference between the woman 
 who reads sometimes and the woman who never 
 reads. If the desire to reserve a short time for 
 study led to nothing more than the acquisition 
 of the science of odd minutes, the result would 
 be very important. ■ The science of odd minutes ! 
 It multiplies and fertilizes time, but books cannot 
 impart it. It gives habits of order, attention, 
 and precision, that react from the external to the 
 moral life. The most cheerful women, the most 
 equable, serviceable, and, I may add, the health- 
 iest women, are those who are intelligent and 
 industrious, and who, through the medium of a 
 well-ordered activity, have discovered the secret 
 of reconciling the duties they owe to God, to their 
 families, and to themselves.” 
 
MENTAL TRAINING. 
 
 205 
 
 The substance of this essay, so full of heart- 
 felt benevolence and wisdom, that most applied 
 to American women, has been given. The ex- 
 tracts, so lucidly explaining her responsibility to 
 God for His gifts to her, and so practically show- 
 ing the use to be made of them, are left to the 
 conscience of every lady reader. 
 
 “ O w:!Ste not thou the smallest thing 
 Created by Divinity, 
 
 For grains of dust the mountains make. 
 
 And atomies infinity. 
 
 And waste not thou the smallest time, 
 
 ’T is man’s insane infirmity ; 
 
 For well thou knowest, if aught thou knowest. 
 
 That moments make eternity.” 
 
 18 
 
206 
 
 EXCELSIOR 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 PHYSICAL TRAINING. 
 
 GREAT deal is said now-a-days 
 on the physical education of men, 
 and a little, not half enough, on 
 that of women. Not half enough 
 because of the two the point has 
 hitherto been the most neglected 
 with her, and yet as being, in 
 America, generally the most frail 
 in constitution, she needs physi- 
 cal training the most. There 
 are far more lady invalids than gentlemen ; mild 
 valitudinarians, never either very sick or very 
 well, who go through life very uselessly, a doleful 
 burden on themselves and their unlucky friends. 
 Of the greater part of these it is presumably 
 certain, if they had early in life contracted 
 healthy habits, of regular and sufficient exercise 
 especially, they would have been brisk, energetic 
 women, capable and eager to do the work God 
 gives them in their own, households, or in the world, 
 
PHYSICAL TRAINING. 
 
 207 
 
 instead of filling no other place than the very 
 undesirable one of giving other people an oppor- 
 tunity of exercising their patience. For real in- 
 valids no tenderness and compassion is too great, 
 but for these irritating people, whose ailments 
 are the effects of indolence and mismanagement, 
 it is hard to feel any patience at all. 
 
 It is the fact, not one woman in a hundred, 
 whose occupations do not compel it, ever takes 
 enough exercise. Even little girls and young 
 ladies, as compared with their brothers of the 
 same age, are sedentary in their amusements, 
 and consequently take less exercise. For 
 younger girls there are always some few active 
 sports that give them a chance, as well as their 
 brothers, to exercise their limbs enough to put the 
 blood in circulation, and their voices sufficiently 
 once in a while to inflate the whole lungs ; but 
 for young ladies there has been a great want of 
 something of the kind. Of late years there has 
 been some little improvement, but very little. 
 Calisthenics do not fully supply the want. The 
 apparatus is cumbrous, not always at hand, and 
 worst of all, a woman’s dress is such a restraint 
 on freedom of action ; to have the benefit of 
 calisthenics it is necessary to change it and 
 assume a costume better adapted for liberty of 
 movement, a trouble very few care to take. 
 
 The exercises of physical training schools, 
 established in some cities, are exceedingly beau- 
 tiful; they must be seen to be appreciated. 
 Every limb, joint and muscle is exercised, and 
 
208 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 made strong and supple. The evolutions are 
 performed simultaneously hy all, to music, a,nd 
 under the guidance of a drill-master. Both 
 ladies and gentlemen frequent them. They are 
 far more efhcieut in producing elegance of form 
 and carriage, and grace of motion, than dancing 
 schools can ever be ; and, as regards improve- 
 ment of health, there can be no comparison. 
 They are, however, not available for many 
 persons. 
 
 Yet still some other means, more in the reach 
 of all, are at hand. Skating in winter, and cro- 
 quet in summer, is doing something to supply 
 the want, and it would be well if archery, so 
 much in vogue with English ladies, could also be * 
 more ' generally introduced as another induce- 
 ment to out-of-door amusements among Ameri- 
 can young ladies. 
 
 It is a mistake when little girls are encouraged 
 to engage in only quiet, '' lady-like” plays, and 
 informed that all noisy ones are hoidenish and 
 rude. If there is “a time for all things,” there 
 is a proper time for being noisy for a sensible 
 purpose, and this purpose is, as a wise and 
 humane doctor averred in excuse for over- 
 musical babies : 
 
 “’Tis always belter 
 To lay no»fetter 
 Upon the chest ; 
 
 To expand the lungs 
 By use of tongues 
 Is surely best.” 
 
 There are three obstacles that women in gen- 
 
PHYSICAL TRAINING. . 
 
 209 
 
 eral put in the way of good physical training, 
 and personal vanity is at the root of all three of 
 these objections. First, they dislike instinct- 
 ively all that can deprive them of the delicate, 
 waxen beauty that is especially prized among 
 themselves, and, as they suppose, most admired 
 by gentlemen. A healthy, robust, ‘ ‘ wholesome 
 looking woman,- is by the generality of her sex 
 considered coarse, though she may be, and 
 probably is, the possessor of a finer skin, bright- 
 ened with purer blood, than half the pale, refined, 
 “aristocratic” looking belles who plume them- 
 selves on their superiority. To produce this 
 whiteness of skin there are thousands who, 
 though they would on no account paint, yet 
 do not scruple to use deleterious powders, and 
 sedulously avoid all that can roughen or tan 
 the complexion, as free, sufficient and regular 
 exposure to the air, in all weathers, must do, 
 more or less. 
 
 The second obstacle to good physical training 
 is, that in dress they are guided not by common 
 sense, that would at least try to adapt fashion 
 to comfort and health, but by the sole object to 
 be as much in the prevailing mode as possible. 
 
 Thirdly, they have altogether erroneous ideas 
 as to what true beauty of form consists in, and 
 are always trying, by ill-judged constraints of 
 the waist, feet and hands, to make them smaller 
 than nature intended. With all these obstacles 
 to free movement of the person, it is impossible 
 that women can ever have, even in proportion to 
 18 * 
 
210 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 their strength, as much exercise as men, who in 
 all three respects are free from restraint. 
 
 There are some sensible women to whom 
 these remarks have no application, but for the 
 most part they are stereotyped, and follow one 
 another’s lead, precisely as a flock of sheep do, 
 and probably, in these matters, with as much or 
 as little exercise of reason. 
 
 During the prevalence of east winds in 
 Spring, those “juping March breezes,” wbicb, 
 preceding April showers, “make way for May 
 flowers,” there are thousands of ladies, in the 
 cities especially, who pass days and weeks with- 
 out out-of-door exercise, not only because of the 
 discomfort of the weather, hut “because it spoils 
 the complexion so.” They make the same ob- 
 jection to the sun in summer and the frost in 
 winter; so that, taking the whole year round, 
 there are few days indeed that precisely suit 
 their fastidious ideas as suitable even for a gentle 
 promenade on the fashionable side of the street, 
 and at the fashionable hour. The brisk, vigor- 
 ous walk, allowing the arms also some freedom 
 to move, that gentlemen may enjoy, is almost 
 unknown to ladies, and probably there are few 
 of the latter who will not lift their hands in 
 astonishment and dismay, if told that for a 
 woman of average health and strength, four 
 miles a day of rapid walking is about the right 
 amount of exercise for preserving and improving 
 the health. Of course, in hot weather this rule 
 needs modification. 
 
PHYSICAL TRAINING. 
 
 211 
 
 Those ladies who, either from necessity or 
 choice, “do their own chamberwork,” and pass 
 at least one hour, often more, daily with open 
 windows, sweeping, dusting, and moving furni- 
 ture, need very little of what may be called 
 artificial exercise ; in such work every limb and 
 every muscle is brought into play in the very 
 best and most natural manner, and the result is, 
 an equally glowing satisfaction of mind and 
 body, in the triple consciousness of a duty per- 
 formed, the exercise taken, and the neatly- 
 arranged, comfortable dwelling. 
 
 It is precisely the many inducements given for 
 out-of-door exercise, and the systematic rules 
 that oblige all to partake of it, that make 
 country institutions for education, beyond com- 
 parison, preferable to city ones, for ladies espe- 
 cially ; the latter may have every other advan- 
 tage, but lacking this, a city education can 
 never he as perfect, physically, as a country one. 
 What in the country is only graceful, natural 
 ease, and freedom of voice and movement, is in 
 the city rude romping. 
 
 The second and third obstacles women put in 
 the way of sufficient exercise, must be considered 
 together. If a woman of the average degree of 
 intelligence, taste, and education, is taken into 
 the presence of some chef d' oeuvre of statuary 
 art, either ancient or modern, in which feminine 
 beauty is depicted, either draped or ur\draped, if 
 she speaks out her thoughts candidly, without 
 the affectation of admiring because she is ex- 
 
212 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 pected to admire, her first exclamation is : 
 “Dear me! why, what a big waist, feet, and 
 hands it has,” accompanied perhaps by a com- 
 placent glance at her own, that have, by years 
 of persevering efibrt, been reduced to the stand- 
 ard of fashionable ideas of beauty in form. 
 But to the eyes of the artist, the anatomist, and 
 the sensible woman, how different is the impres- 
 sion made. And why? Because they see in 
 the masterpiece before them that exact propor- 
 tion of parts, which, combined with grace of 
 outlines and elegance of attitude, constitutes true 
 beauty of form. An unnaturally small waist, 
 with equally unnaturally full development of the 
 bust, is Avhat, in the eyes of nearly all women, 
 constitutes a fine figure; because their ideas are 
 taken from a modistes lay figure, not the 
 “human form divine” as truthfully depicted in 
 the works of the masters of art. They would 
 think the Venus de Medicis herself needs a pair 
 of French corsets and a pound of cotton batting 
 to bring her up to their standard of beauty. 
 Said a lady of this class, describing in enrap- 
 tured admiration the figure of a friend: “She js 
 quite tall, and forty inches round the shoulders 
 and bust, while her waist is only nineteen 
 inches!” That is about the circumference of an 
 ordinary stove pipe. Another young lady, who 
 would have been exceedingly indignant at any 
 imputation being cast on her delicacy of mind 
 and modesty, and who probably was only more 
 sincere in expressing what others think without 
 
PHYSICAL TRAINING. 
 
 213 
 
 putting into words, gave this plain reason to the 
 author for trying to produce this unnatural com- 
 pression and development of the person: “There 
 is nothing more attractive to gentlemen.” Good 
 heavens ! . to what lengths will not vanity lead 
 women ? 
 
 As regards hands and feet, the former, fortu- 
 nately, cannot be subjected to any great degree 
 of distortion, for that is the right word to use, 
 yet nevertheless they often do penance for their 
 owner’s vanity in many an hour of benumbed 
 compression in tight kid gloves. But for the 
 latter, what Mrs. Partington calls the “torches 
 of the imposition,” have certainly never inflicted 
 one hundredth part of the agonies that have 
 been endured, with misplaced fortitude, by 
 young ladies, and old ones too, in their determi- 
 nation to show as small a foot as possible, and 
 to wear for that purpose iSlo. 2 or No. 3 boots, 
 when nature most eloquently implores a size or 
 two larger in each case. In course of time 
 nature is generally compelled to succumb, and by 
 persevering process of compression, the foot is 
 reduced in size, but almost always at the expense 
 of shape, as the unnatural enlargement of the 
 big-toe joint in so many cases proves. 
 
 No question is more common among ladies, 
 discussing dress and toilet matters, than, “What 
 number boots do you wear?” and if the reply is 
 No. 3 or No. 4, the interrogator, in pretended 
 surprise, but really gratified vanity, will say 
 A^ery often, “Why I only Avear tAVO and a half. 
 
214 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 and they are quite big for me; I could wear 
 number two’s.” Whereupon the number three 
 lady will, on her next visit to her shoemaker, 
 try if she cannot force her foot into a size 
 smaller boots, and finding she ca?z, buys them, 
 and endures, with heroic constancy, long weeks 
 or months of suffering until her feet, like a Chi- 
 nese infant’s, have learned to accommodate 
 themselves to their narrow quarters. 
 
 The poet who, in a paroxysm of enthusiasm — 
 or nonsense — described how his lady-love’s feet, 
 beneath her dainty 
 
 “Petticoat, 
 
 Like little mice peeped in and out,” 
 
 must either have had most absurd ideas of pro- 
 portion, or the lady herself must altogether have 
 had the dimensions of Mrs. Tom Thumb. 
 
 A traveler in the Orient, going through a part 
 of the country where the hostility of the natives 
 to Europeans would have endangered his life, 
 disguised himself by staining his skin and 
 assuming the costume of the country so effec- 
 tually that, speaking the language to perfection, 
 he believed he could defy detection. He did so, 
 indeed, till an unusually acute, but fortunately 
 for him, unusually magnanimous chief of one of 
 the tribes, detected him by noticing the shape of 
 his feet, which, from wearing civilized foot gear, 
 was quite dissimilar from the natural shape, seen 
 in the Arab foot that has never known any 
 cramping confinement in its sandal. 
 
PHYSICAL TRAINING. 
 
 215 
 
 Dickens, wlio never lets any of tlie absurdities 
 of human nature pass unnoticed, lias a capital 
 scene, illustrating the vanity of women regarding 
 little feet, in “ Nicholas Nickleby,” where “ Miss 
 Knag,” describing the unrivaled smallness of 
 the feet of “her family,” illustrated by the exhi- 
 bition of her own, is brought up short by the 
 remark, “they must be just like club feet.” 
 
 This topic — the want of common sense and 
 good taste, in the the majority of women, in 
 pnysical training — could be enlarged on much 
 farther; enough, however, has been said for 
 those who are willing to give the matter consid- 
 eration, and to try if they cannot act more in 
 accordance with the dictates of enlightened 
 reason, and of refined judgment, to see where 
 they had better begin; on the larger number, 
 who, it is feared, will prefer the gratification of 
 ignorant, tasteless vanity, at the expense of 
 health and comfort, it is useless to waste more 
 time or argument. 
 
216 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER XL 
 MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 OR men tliere are as many “voca- 
 tions” in the world as there are 
 professions, callings and trades, but 
 it would appear that, in the esti- 
 mation of women, there is but one 
 vocation for them — to be married ; 
 to become wives, mothers and mis- 
 tresses of households, and to enter 
 on this vocation they give their 
 most earnest aspirations in all the earlier years 
 of womanhood, whether they acknowledge the 
 fact or not. iSlor is it wrong for a woman to 
 desire married life, if it is in the order of Provi- 
 dence, and those who would prohibit all thoughts 
 on the subject, who proscribe as improper and 
 unbecoming all such considerations of, and rea- 
 sonings about, such a probable future to young 
 ladies, are taking very useless pains for an im- 
 possible end. The simple truth is, the vocation 
 God does send to the greater part of women is 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 217 
 
 precisely this and no other — to become what in 
 the expressive German phrase is called the 
 “house mother.” 
 
 It is the case even with that very large class 
 of women in this country, those, not of the un- 
 educated, lowest rank, but of more or less intel- 
 ligence and refinement, whose circumstances 
 compel them to apply to some calling in both 
 city and country. They take up teaching, the 
 lower metiers of the fine arts, (now happily 
 becoming more and more placed within their 
 reach, by the establishment of schools of design 
 for women, in several of our cities), they enter 
 stores as saleswomen, they give themselves to 
 many manual occupations where taste and neat- 
 ness are required, besides what is considered 
 their peculiar province, needlework of all kinds ; 
 but even these we say never take up any calling 
 as a man does his, as for life. 
 
 There is not one who does not look for some 
 other futm-e, whether they find it or not, but the 
 fact is, almost all do find the future they look 
 for, simply because they were intended to find 
 it; and the ranks they leave are continually 
 filled up by those who, in their turn, take the 
 work as a temporary expedient. It has been, 
 well remarked that the fact of woman looking- 
 on marriage as her real and proper end and aim 
 is, and always will be, the greatest bar to the 
 claims of late years made for her of equal rights 
 to enter on professions and callings hitherto con- 
 sidered to belong to men alone. Considering it 
 19 
 
218 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 only as a temporary expedient, she never gives 
 to the study of any calling the pains a man 
 does in order to become proficient, because he 
 looks on it as a life object. 
 
 If the larger part of women, then, are born 
 to be married, why should they not think of it, 
 provided always they think in the right way? 
 They will and do think of it, and the only right 
 course to be taken with the young is to give 
 them just and sensible ideas on the subject, or 
 they will have false and romantic ones. Most 
 young ladies seem to think the whole lore of the 
 matter comes by intuition, and either look on it 
 from the wholly romantic point of view, expect- 
 ing “love after marriage” will be just a second 
 edition, revised and improved, of love before, or 
 if one having a little more sense gives some 
 consideration to the certain duties and pos- 
 sible trials of married life, the probability 
 is she glosses all over with vague sentimental 
 ideas, very unlike the hard realities she will 
 find of one kind or another, and enters on her 
 married life with expectations that will be 
 disappointed. 
 
 It is the truth, that nothing in this life is of 
 ^ more importance for a woman to take a practical 
 view of than marriage, nothing in which she 
 should be more carefully guided by reason and 
 good sense, and nothing, unfortunately, in which 
 she is so much influenced by feeling, impulse, 
 even accident. She will often spend more anx- 
 ious thought, take more solicitous care, in the 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 219 
 
 choice of her house, and the selection of its fur- 
 niture, than to study the disposition, and ascer- 
 tain the habits of him who is to be its master. 
 “None are so blind as those who will not see,” 
 and of the multitudes of improvident and ill- 
 assorted marriages that occur daily, there are 
 very few that do not owe all their misery to 
 simple rashness. “ Marry in haste and repent 
 at leisure,” has passed into a proverb, with more 
 living illustrations, most likely, than any other. 
 The woman is wise who has the courage and 
 prudence to weigh in time the different degrees 
 of suffering, in disappointing, misplaced affec- 
 tions before marriage, or, for the momentary 
 gratification of a love that cannot last, laying 
 up for herself a life-long repentance; or pre- 
 paring for herself the temptation to do even 
 worse, in severing by divorce those ties God has 
 declared shall never, but for one cause, be broken. 
 
 Women in this matter have no choice but 
 that of accepting or rejecting offers made to 
 them ; but to compensate for this they have far 
 greater powers of adaptation than men have. 
 They can more easily conform themselves to 
 circumstances, and to the characters of their 
 husbands, than the husband can adapt his to his 
 wife’s. 
 
 We call this a compensation for the want of 
 choice they have, and so it is, but it makes a 
 wife’s responsibilities greater, for she is the more 
 to blame for estrangement, if either, after mar- 
 riage, finds the disposition and tastes of the 
 
220 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 other different from what was expected. Any 
 close observer will perceive that the happiest 
 and most united marriages are not those where 
 there is the greatest similarity of disposition, 
 but those where, while each character has some 
 traits in which the other is lacking, the wife has 
 the good sense to put in practice this facility of 
 adapting herself to her husband’s peculiarities of 
 mind and taste. It is supposed, of course, as 
 far as her conscience will sanction. 
 
 Precisely because a wife’s greatest claim on her 
 husband is for protection, his greatest claim on 
 her is for submission, and just in proportion as 
 each, in little things even more than great, 
 understand and fulfill these duties, will their 
 marriage be a united and happy one. Self-sac- 
 rifice is the truest womanly virtue, and above 
 all in a wife; not, as some do, by ostentatiously 
 making martyrs of themselves, but in this 
 loving, unobtrusive adaptation of herself to her 
 husband’s tastes and wishes. Unless singularly 
 unfortunate in the husband she has found, more 
 unfortunate than is very often the case, such 
 conduct as this will be the best security for some 
 degree of happiness in marriages, where the wife 
 finds herself mistaken in her expectations. 
 
 “Well begun is half done,” is remarkably 
 true of marriage. The management of the first 
 few months, after the novelty of their new life 
 has a little worn off, but especially management 
 on the wife’s side, will probably give the tone to 
 their whole ensuing life. An error at that time. 
 
MISCELLANEOUS. 221 
 
 the first discordance of wills, the first manifes- 
 tation of difference of tastes and dispositions, 
 will be 
 
 “ The little rift within the lute, 
 
 That, by and by, will make all music mute, 
 
 And, ever widening, slowly silence all.” 
 
 Let the young wife beware, then, of making 
 this “little rift,” by even the shadow of a first 
 quarrel. Quarrels are evil weeds, that cannot 
 be extirpated ; each one leaves a seed that will 
 in time spring up, and produce a plant stronger 
 and more deeply rooted than the last. 
 
 A perfect marriage is so beautiful that God 
 Himself chose it as the type of the holiest, the 
 closest of all unions, that between Himself and 
 His church, and by the mouth of His Apostle, 
 He holds up this union as an example of the 
 reverence a wife should have for her husband : 
 “Being subject to their husbands as (the church) 
 to the Lord.” — (Eph. v.) A true wife’s affection 
 and respect will ennoble her husband in her 
 eyes, even if he is mentally her inferior, and 
 where he is the superior, her efforts to be worthy 
 of him will ennoble her. When a husband has 
 great and lofty aims in the world, no sympathy, 
 no encouragement he can meet will so support 
 and cheer him as that of an earnest, true- 
 hearted wife. 
 
 “ I have seen one whose eloquence commanding. 
 
 Roused the rich echoes of the human breast; 
 
 The blandishments of wealth and ease withstanding, 
 
 That hope might reach the suffering and opprest, 
 
 19 * 
 
222 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 “ And by bis side there moved a form of beauty, 
 
 Strewing sweet flowers along his path of life, 
 
 And looking up Avith meek and love-lent duty ; 
 
 I called her angel, but he called her Wife.'" 
 
 These chapters are chiefly for ladies, and these 
 lines following will he appreciated by them, but 
 perhaps also meet eyes to which they are more 
 specially addressed ; 
 
 WILT THOU LOVE HER STILL ? 
 
 “ Wilt thou love her still, when the sunny curls 
 That over her bosom floAV 
 
 Will be faced Avith the silver threads of age. 
 
 And her step fall sad and slow ? 
 
 Wilt thou love her still, when the summer smiles 
 On her lips no longer live ? 
 
 ‘ I Avill love her still, 
 
 With right good will !’ 
 
 Thou Avilt love her still ? Then our cherished one 
 To thy sheltering arms Ave give. 
 
 “ Wilt thou love her still, when her changeful ej'^es 
 Have groAvn dim Avith sorroAv’s rain ; 
 
 When the bosom that beats against thy own 
 Throbs sIoav with the weight of pain ; 
 
 V^hen her silvery laugh rings out no more. 
 
 And vanished her youthful charms ? 
 
 ‘ With free good Avill, 
 
 I shall love her still ! ’ 
 
 Thou AAult love her still ? Then our dearest one 
 We give to thy loving arms.” 
 
 “ Remember no grief has she ever known. 
 
 Her heart is light and free ; 
 
 None other with falterless step has pressed 
 Its innermost shrine but thee ! 
 
 Then wilt love her still, when the thoughts of her youth 
 In their blushing bloom depart ? 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 223 
 
 ‘ Through good and id, 
 
 I will love her still ! ’ 
 
 Thou wilt love her still ? Then our darling take 
 To the joy of thy noble heart ! 
 
 “ When her father is dead, and the emerald sod 
 Lies soft on her mother’s breast ; 
 
 When her brother’s voice is no longer heard, 
 
 And her sister’s hushed to rest, — 
 
 Wilt thou love her still ? for to thee she looks. 
 
 Her star on life’s troubled sea ! 
 
 ‘ I will love her still. 
 
 Through good and ill ! ’ 
 
 With the marriage vow on her youthful lip, 
 
 Then we give our child to thee ! ” 
 
 A chapter on married life would be incomplete 
 without some words on maternal duties. It is 
 said there is a growing tendency among married 
 women of education to hold these duties as oner- 
 ous, to be unwilling to take the responsibilities 
 and endure the trials and cares of maternity. 
 The young lady who thinks of entering on mat- 
 rimony without also seriously considering before 
 God what her duties will be in this relation, and 
 whether or not she will have the courage, patience, 
 and tenderness to fulfill them, “commits a folly 
 and a crime.” A large part of the duties of mar- 
 ried life consists in the care of children, and the 
 burden must be borne mostly by the mother. 
 Very selfish and ungenerous is the woman’s heart 
 that is fain coldly to reject this most beautiful 
 and holy of all her duties, and, if forced to do so, 
 reluctantly takes up, as a hard cross, what God 
 intended should be for her, if faithful, rather a 
 crown of honor and rejoicing. 
 
224 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Bishop Dupanloup makes it one of his strong- 
 est arguments for mental cultivation in young 
 ladies, and its persevering continuance after mar- 
 riage, that they are bound by all laws of God 
 and Nature to become, in their earlier years, the 
 instructor, and later, the guide and example of 
 their children. He says, in substance: “ Ladies 
 cannot be real companions and help-mates to 
 their husbands — they cannot bear the part which 
 they ought to bear in the education of their child- 
 ren without this kind of interest and cultivation 
 in themselves.” “The mother should be the 
 first teacher both of boys and girls, and school- 
 days are sometimes made to come too soon in the 
 life of children, on account of the idleness and 
 incapacity of young parents.” 
 
 All of these chapters, but especially this one, 
 are merely suggestive. They do not profess to 
 do more than give those to whom they are ad- 
 dressed subjects for reflection, which they them- 
 selves must follow out to their proper conclusions. 
 
 In any other view they are very incomplete, 
 and will sadly fail in their purpose if they do not 
 lead those who read them far deeper into the 
 subjects introduced than opportunity has allowed 
 the author to go. 
 
 MOTHERHOOD. 
 
 I thought my cup of joy was full, my heart was overflowing. 
 With its sense of perfect happiness, its brimming of eontent ; 
 
 I felt no need of other love than the love still ever-growing — 
 The deep, calm love the true wife feels, with all her being 
 blent. 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 225 
 
 But O, mothers, happy mothers ! who share with me this sweet- 
 ness — 
 
 This fullness and beatitude of woman’s perfect life — 
 
 Ye know t:ow like a crowning crown, in glory and completeness. 
 Comes the added joy of motherhood to the most blessed wife. 
 
 My heart is joying in your joy, I am full of glad thanksgiving. 
 That thousands share my blessedness, my mother-hope and 
 pride. 
 
 Not only in the present day, the passing moment living. 
 
 But prophecying future years ; a future grand and wide. 
 
 But O, ye know the trembling, the wistful, passionate yearning. 
 Half-trusting in God’s pitying love — half-fearful for love’s 
 sake — 
 
 That the little life that came from heaven, ere yet earth’s lessons 
 learning. 
 
 Some waiting angel still stands by, back unto heaven to take. 
 
 O mothers, childless mothers ! ye who have known the blessing. 
 The depth of wordless rapture, the thrilling joy I know ; — 
 The nestling of the little head, the tiny hands caressing — 
 
 But through the same deep rapture reached a deeper depth of 
 woe. 
 
 My heart is grieving in your grief, my eyes with pity weepmg. 
 To think of you with empty arms, forsaken and bereft ! 
 
 And I closer clasp the little form, upon my bosom sleeping. 
 
 And pray with yet more earnest prayers my darling may be 
 left. 
 
 Yet in every alternation of hope and anxious questing. 
 
 In all the swaying to and fro ’tween rapturing joy and pain. 
 One deep, sweet thought is ever mine, one full, unvarying blessing. 
 The holy rights of motherhood I can never lose again. 
 
 Whether my child remains with me on earth, or back to heaven 
 God calls the tiny baby-life, when a few short days are o’er — 
 Or to see him in his manhood’s pride, to my mother-love be given. 
 My child that God hath given me is my child forevermore. 
 
 R. V. R. 
 
226 
 
 EXCELSIOB. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 MISCELLANEOUS. 
 
 {Continued.') 
 
 HERE are numberless little hien- 
 seances, the observance or non- 
 observance of which mark the 
 perfection or lack of good breed- 
 ing among ladies. Mere conven- 
 tional forms are not here alluded 
 to ; they have their value, and it 
 is well to acquire as large a knowl- 
 edge of them as possible; but 
 governing the conduct by their rules does not 
 make the lady in the absence of something 
 better. Many a woman, in total ignorance of 
 conventional rules, is yet, by the possession of 
 this “something better,” so guided in manners 
 as to have the most just claim to the title of 
 perfect lady. It may be defined as a nice sense 
 of propriety, guided by goodness of heart; and 
 the latter, if cultivated, almost inevitably leads 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 227 
 
 to the former, and both are susceptible of culti- 
 vation. 
 
 Probably, the manners of St. Paul, the 
 Apostle, bad as elegant finish as the world 
 ever saw in a being with the nature of ordi- 
 nary humanity; his code of good manners, 
 contained in parts of his epistles, vms inspired 
 by God Himself, and is undoubtedly the most 
 perfect ever recorded. The concise epitome of 
 all is contained in a few verses from two of his 
 epistles, “Charity is patient, is kind: Charity 
 envieth not, dealeth not perversely : Is not 
 
 puffed up, is not ambitious, seeketh ■ not her 
 own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no 
 evil, rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with 
 the truth: Beareth all things, believeth all 
 
 things, endureth all things.” (1 Cor., xiii.) 
 And : “ Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever 
 
 modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, what- 
 soever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there 
 be any virtue, if any praise of discipline, think 
 on these things.” (Phil, iv.) 
 
 It is hoped in all that has been said in these 
 chapters, if tried by the test of St. Paul’s code, 
 nothing will be found that is not in strict accord- 
 ance vfith its spirit; many other thoughts like 
 these would suggest themselves to any one 
 studying to apply it to their own conduct. But 
 how many think of applying this code to the 
 little every-day intercourse of society and 
 domestic life? Yet it was precisely in this 
 view it was given by the Apostle. The eight 
 
228 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 beatitudes in6lude, it. is said, in themselves in- 
 struction for the perfect practice of the spiritual 
 part of Christianity in every station of life, so 
 may it he said of these precepts, they include the 
 whole practice of Christian etiquette. 
 
 If many of the things pointed out to do or to 
 avoid seem of very trifling consequence, we can 
 only reply by quoting, in all reverence, “He 
 that is faithful in that which is least, is faithful 
 also in that which is greater ; and he that is un- 
 just in that which is little, is also unjust in that 
 w^hich is greater.” And is it not by trifles 
 almost our whole lives are made up? A few 
 miscellaneous remarks will finish all there is 
 opportunity left to say. 
 
 In company, young ladies would do well to 
 avoid the ouer-afiectionateness of manner to lady 
 friends that is too much the habit among them. 
 The constant practice of kissing is a positive 
 annoyance to the more sensible portion, and in 
 the street, or on meeting at a public assembly, 
 it is looked on with absolute disgust by the more 
 refined. There are thousands who never meet 
 an acquaintance anywhere without going through 
 this form, for it is generally nothing more. Two 
 groups of ladies meeting, especially in the street, 
 and going through this greeting, is indeed a 
 moving sight, not to the sensitive heart, but the 
 risible muscles. The spectacle is simply ridicu- 
 lous. At proper times and in proper places, 
 real, sincerely felt affection may be, and ought 
 to be indulged, but this exaggerated and public 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 229 
 
 manifestation of indiscriminate regard, is one of 
 those “customs more honored in the breach than 
 the observance.” A clever girl defined the 
 standard of manners of a new acquaintance by- 
 describing her as “one of the kissy sort;” and 
 another said, she always dreaded meeting certain 
 of her acquaintance, “ because their kisses were 
 so terribly juicy.” 
 
 Of the same standard of elegance are the cus- 
 toms of some young ladies at social parties of 
 sitting close together, holding each other’s hands, 
 laying their arms around each other’s necks, or 
 promenading the room encircling each other’s 
 waists. None of these things are wrong in the 
 right place, they are only not right in the wrong 
 one. Ladies may he sure that gentlemen, for 
 whose edification they generally, in public, show 
 off these “airs and graces,” only laugh at them. 
 
 Do not permit a gentleman, who is a mere 
 ordinary acquaintance, to read with you from 
 the same book or paper, to sit with his arm rest- 
 ing on the back of your chair, to touch your 
 curls, or in short any of the ill-bred familiarities 
 ignorant young men offer till taught better by 
 the lady. Never allow a gentlemen to inspect a 
 ring on your hand, a bracelet, or above all a 
 brooch while wearing it. Take it off to be ex- 
 amined and then replace it. 
 
 In these days, when everybody has his or her 
 photograph taken, too many young ladies do not 
 scruple to bestow their’s on every chance ac- 
 quaintance who requests it. No persuasions 
 20 
 
230 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 ought to prevail on a really modest girl to allow 
 lier’s to come into the possession of any but her 
 nearest and dearest friends. If she bestows it 
 indiscriminately on gentlemen acquaintance, she 
 risks having it exhibited to their companions, 
 and her face and her name becoming known to 
 those she would blush to be supposed to know. 
 Akin to this, and not less reprehensible, is 
 accepting the likenesses of gentlemen. There 
 are some girls — ladies they are not — who use 
 every means to obtain as many portraits as they 
 can, and enshrining them in an album, exhibit 
 these precious souvenirs of their folly to their 
 friends, to provoke their envy by this token of 
 the number of cavaliers they have in their 
 train. 
 
 No lady will accept a present of any value 
 from a gentleman who is not entitled by right to 
 offer it. A bouquet, a book, or similar trifles 
 are different, but any thing of intrinsic value 
 should be politely, but firmly declined. Only a 
 man ignorant of the usages of refinement, pre- 
 sumes to offer such gifts. 
 
 Some ladies, so far from shrinking from the 
 acceptance of presents from gentlemen, will 
 endeavor to obtain them by hardly concealed 
 manoeuvres. This was the well-merited rebuke 
 a gentleman once gave with a gold thimble thus 
 forced from him : 
 
 “ I send you this thimble 
 For finger nimble, 
 
 I hope it will fit when you try it ; 
 
MISCELLANEO US. 
 
 231 
 
 It will last you long 
 If it’s half as strong 
 As the hint you gave me to buy it.” 
 
 “Pliilopoenas ” are also of tins class; the gen- 
 tleman is alivays expected to pay whether he 
 wins or loses. A lady will decline having any- 
 thing to do with them; or with wagers for 
 gloves, Ac., that some lay with the full intention 
 of exacting the penalty. 
 
 On a par wdth these kinds of meannesses — 
 for however sportively carried on, it is real mean- 
 ness under all — is that of contracting pecuniary 
 obligations to gentlemen by accepting frequent 
 invitations from them to places of amusement, 
 courses of lectures, concerts, summer excursions, 
 Ac., and even, as some do, procuring these invi- 
 tations by hints of the lady’s desires for them. 
 A lady who has no relative to serve as her 
 escort, and is dependent on the kindness of 
 acquaintances, could and ought to have it under- 
 stood, that if she accepts frequently the conve- 
 nience of a gentleman’s escort, she desires and 
 intends to provide for her own expenses, and if 
 he is a gentleman he will appreciate her inde- 
 pendence, and respect her the more for not being 
 willing to incur such obligations to him. As 
 every lady is dependent on gentlemen for such 
 needful escort and protection ; if there is no one 
 she can claim it from as a right, and does not 
 wish to be debarred from all social amusements, 
 it cannot be wrong for her to avail herself of 
 such as it is in her power to procure, but this 
 
232 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 does not justify her in levying such a tax on the 
 purses of mere acquaintance, as a single winter’s 
 frequenting of such places would amount to in 
 the aggregate. 
 
 The lady author, quoted in a previous chapter, 
 says, speaking of conversations between ladies 
 and gentlemen: “It is a problem difficult to 
 solve, why so many ladies of good abilities and 
 cultivated minds, and who always, with their 
 own sex, talk like intelligent, sensible women, 
 should, as soon as they get into conversation with 
 a gentleman, seem to take leave of rationality, and 
 demean themselves like utter fools. We grieve 
 to see a charming, modest, refined young lady, 
 almost the moment a gentleman begins to tallr to 
 her, changing her whole demeanor, and quickly 
 becoming bold, forward and nonsensical. We 
 are glad to see vivacity in women of all ages, 
 and if they have a sprinkling of wit and humor, 
 so much the better. But we wish them to do 
 themselves justice, and not, when conversing with 
 men, run wild, and give themselves up to all 
 manner of folly.” 
 
 So much for the coquettish and silly: but she 
 has a word, too, for those who have a leaning to 
 err on the other side, and to assume too much 
 when conversing with gentlemen : 
 
 “ Generally speaking, it is injudicious for ladies 
 to attempt arguing with gentlemen on political 
 or financial topics. All the information that a 
 woman can possibly acquire or remember on 
 these subjects is so small, in comparison with the 
 
MISGELLANEO US. 
 
 233 
 
 knowledge of men, that the discussion will not 
 elevate her in the opinion of masculine minds. 
 Still, it is well for a woman to desire enlighten- 
 ment, that she may comprehend something of 
 these discussions when she hears them from men ; 
 therefore, let her listen, but refrain from contro- 
 versy or argument. Men are very intolerant 
 towards women who are prone to contradiction 
 and contention, when the talk is of things con- 
 sidered out of their sphere ; hut very indulgent 
 to a modest and attentive listener, who only asks 
 questions for the sake of information. Men like 
 to dispense knowledge ; but few of them believe 
 that, in departments exclusively their own, 
 they can profit much by the suggestions of 
 women.” 
 
 The practice that prevails with ladies of this 
 country, more than any other, of making Sunday 
 morning the time, and a church the place, for the 
 display of their newest and most fashionable 
 attire, is in the worst possible taste. All respect 
 should be shown to the sacred time and place, 
 but neatness and propriety having been provided 
 for, the more simply dressed and quietly una- 
 dorned a lady is, the more becoming and congru- 
 ous will be her costume. Who has not heard St. 
 Jerome’s famous philippic against the over-dressed 
 ladies, who appeared at church in his time : 
 
 “ Yet worldly is that heart at best, 
 
 That heats beneath a broidered veil ; 
 
 And she who comes in glittering rest 
 To mourn her frailty, still is frail.” 
 
 20 * 
 
234 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 The author quoted a page back, herself a 
 Protestant, notices, with warm approbation, the 
 practice of tlie ladies of some Catliolic countries 
 of having a special and very plain dress for 
 church — a black dress, a mantle with hood that 
 shades the face, and veil, both also of plain 
 black. She earnestly wishes such an appro- 
 ])iiate and commendable custom could be intro- 
 duced in this country. Such a wish is, however, 
 hopeless ; but is it not possible for ladies to mod- 
 ify the too profuse display of their finery in 
 church ? 
 
 Space will not allow the notice of many other 
 manifestations of lack of reason, lack of taste, 
 and lack of independence of mind among women ; 
 so common, indeed, that they pass without a 
 thought being given to them by nearly all. If 
 only every lady, every conscientious woman, in- 
 stead of allowing herself to be led by custom, 
 fashion, and vanity, would do her own thinking, 
 and, taking St. Paul’s standard of ethics, model 
 herself on it, the difference in her own life and 
 the lives of those she influences would soon be- 
 come perceptible. Duties would become evident 
 she never before suspected, and duties already 
 known would no longer be looked on as degrading 
 drudgeries, but ennobled by high motives. Po- 
 mance would not be destroyed, but, put in its 
 proper place — in subjection to the realities of 
 life — help to make them interesting. She would 
 look with equal disfavor on a useless, idle, vain, 
 dressing, gossiping, flirting, novel-reading life, 
 
MISGELLANEO US. 
 
 235 
 
 without an aim or end, except self-gratification, 
 and the bold, presuming, aggressive life claimed 
 by the mistaken “ women’s-rights ” portion of her 
 sisters. Simply content with the place God gives 
 her, because it is the one he gives, she would 
 have no other ambition, nor desire any greater 
 happiness — for none greater could be attained in 
 this life — than she would surely find in the en- 
 deavor to live up to all its requirements. 
 
VEESES 
 
 TO ASSIST THE MEMORY IN RETAINING 
 THE SUBSTANCE OF THE PRE- 
 CEDING CHAPTERS. 
 
 PART I. 
 
 FOR YOUNG GENTLEMEN. 
 
 237 
 
LIFE. 
 
 239 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 LIFE. 
 
 Passing along life’s devious ways, 
 
 How shall we our Creator praise, 
 
 And guard at once our own weak heart, 
 And others show the better part ? 
 
 By trying, with an earnest will. 
 
 Mind, body, soul to train with skill ; 
 
 Learning wuth artless art to please. 
 
 Look more, and speak with well-bred ease; 
 
 Gaining kind friends by kindly act. 
 
 By deference, politeness, tact. 
 
 For still, as through life’s ways we go. 
 Again we win what we bestow. 
 
 And all may wield this potent spell, ' 
 
 If duly trained and chastened well. 
 
240 
 
 EXCELSIOll. 
 
 CHAPTEE II. 
 
 HOME. 
 
 Who knows not that, in Nature’s plan, 
 “The child is father to the man?” 
 
 For what, at home, we learn to be. 
 
 Just that the outward world will see. 
 
 The vulgar boy — the base, low churl — 
 The selfish, rude, unmannered girl — 
 
 Or, gentle, polished and polite. 
 
 The lady true and little knight. 
 
 Are formed and modeled by the care 
 That fashions heart and manners there. 
 
 Let not rough words or angry jar 
 The peace of hearth and table mar. 
 
 Nor bitter, hard, ungenial ways 
 Make saddened thoughts for after-days. 
 
 When first, at morn, you meet each friend, 
 A cheerful “avant-courier” send. 
 
HOME. 
 
 241 
 
 And let a smiling, glad “good-morrow,” 
 Give prophecy of joy, not sorrow; — 
 
 At night, a gentle, low “good even,” 
 Fall like a blessing asked from heaven. 
 
 By kind, obliging, thoughtful deed 
 Try to forestall each daily need 
 
 Of all around. With modest grace, 
 Take, as your due, the lowest place, 
 
 And not, with selfish vain conceit. 
 Dispute, and claim the upper seat. 
 
 The courtesy you hold due to others 
 Give to your sisters and your brothers. 
 
 Chill is the heart and base the mind, 
 That can repay a parent kind 
 
 With hard contempt or cold neglect, 
 And childhood’s hallowed ties reject; 
 
 Or blush, because old-fashioned ways 
 Suit not the taste of modern days. 
 
 The softest chair, most loving tone. 
 And cosiest nook should be their own ; 
 
 And every sweet, endearing art, 
 
 That shows a truly filial heart, 
 
 21 
 
242 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Their tender care, in earlier day, 
 
 Should with fond gratitude repay. 
 
 If thus, by true politeness moved. 
 
 At home good heart and sense be proved, 
 
 We treasure up a blessed store 
 Of memories sweet forevermore. 
 
SCHOOL OR COLLEGE. 
 
 243 
 
 CHAPTEE III. 
 
 SCHOOL OK COLLEGE. 
 
 At school a little world you find, 
 
 To train your soul — ^your heart — your mind, 
 
 Duly to fill, at riper age. 
 
 Your place upon the world’s great stage; 
 
 For every monaent here spent well 
 Upon your after-life will tell. 
 
 If just ambition rightly rule 
 
 The golden years you spend at school. 
 
 You will not waste the measured power. 
 Nor idly spend one precious hour. 
 
 Uod gave you body, mind and soul. 
 
 Each, then, with its due care control. 
 
 With healthy form and graceful ease. 
 Learn by your outward looks to please ; 
 
 With mind imbued with knowledge pure, 
 Eespect and deference secure ; 
 
244 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 And, more than all, from earliest youth. 
 Your soul train to unswerving truth. 
 
 Aun high — even though your point you miss, 
 Some higher mark you gain by this. 
 
 Than if — lest failure should befall — 
 
 You took no lofty aim at all. 
 
 The noble mind, with passion’s fire. 
 
 Makes excellence its first desire. 
 
 Strive earnestly, by plan and rule. 
 
 To miss no benefit of school. 
 
 Knowledge at random loosely sought. 
 At wisdom’s real expense is bought; 
 
 Yet special studies choose, that will 
 Give for your chosen life more skill. 
 
 So spend each year that when, at last 
 These college-days shall all be passed. 
 
 Justly your Alma Mater’s pride. 
 
 You seek a stage more grand and wide. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 245 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 Learning will not suffice, you’ll find, 
 Unless the manners be refined. 
 
 If in the social world you aim 
 For full success, and worthy name ; 
 
 You must, with constant, careful tact, 
 Mould by its laws your every act ; 
 
 But taking still for truest guides, 
 
 Good sense, and guileless heart besides, 
 
 For every man of common sense 
 O’errules mere fashion’s vain pretence. 
 
 And leaves all modish dandy rules, 
 
 In dress or manners, to the fools. 
 
 Good manners just four points include, 
 And if these all be understood. 
 
 And practiced on a settled plan. 
 
 You- are a finished gentleman. 
 
 21 * 
 
246 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 The first is perfect cleanliness, 
 in person, habits, speech, and dress, 
 
 With generous freedom, joy to lave 
 In the clear, sparkling, limpid wave ; 
 
 Whether your capillary crown 
 Be raven, flaxen, golden, brown, 
 
 Or with regret you sometimes hear 
 “Red-head” assail your Avounded ear; 
 
 Remember this — the brush and comb 
 Must often in close contact come. 
 
 Neglected teeth and nails still must 
 Give the beholder deep disgust, 
 
 But oh ! with still more anxious care 
 For conversation clean prepare. 
 
 Let no foul Avords, impure and vile. 
 
 Or sinful oaths your lips defile. 
 
 Fops, snobs, and bullies, freely use 
 Language the Avell-bred all refuse ; 
 
 And think they show a Avittier mind 
 The more their talk is unrefined. 
 
 Forget yourself, your feet, your hands. 
 And how you sit, or Avalk, or stand; 
 
 Don’t fidget with your AAmtch or keys ; 
 Or try too much to seem at ease ; 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 247 
 
 Or make each one who sees you sick 
 By grimace or affected trick ; 
 
 Don’t let your feet be sprawling spread, 
 Or tilted up above your head. 
 
 In short, just modest, quiet be. 
 
 As nature and good sense decree. 
 
 “Spiced gales of Araby the blest,” 
 
 Are sweet, but surely not a guest 
 
 Whose ’kerchief and whose hair exhales 
 More perfume than Arabian gales. 
 
 ’Tis pity if you have a cold. 
 
 But worse if the sad fact be told ; 
 
 By every kind of uncouth sound 
 Annoying every one around ; 
 
 So let the secret be confined 
 To your own handkerchief and mind. 
 
 Tobacco’s taste is only known 
 To man and one vile worm alone.* 
 
 And all the comment we can make : — 
 
 ’Twere well if man no share would take, 
 
 *The tobacco worm, the only insect that will feed on the 
 plant. 
 
248 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 But leave the odious, filthy weed, 
 The still more filthy worm to feed. 
 
 Good manners’ second point of grace 
 Is neatness in our dress and ways ; 
 
 Simplicity in look, word, act, 
 
 Taste, order, comeliness, in fact ; 
 
 That sense of just propriety, 
 
 That in well-balanced minds we see. 
 
 Give fashion all its proper due 
 As far as fashion’s rules suit you, 
 
 For here again must sense and tact 
 To each one’s needs be rule exact. 
 
 Nor fop, nor sloven, but between 
 Chose carefully the golden mean ; 
 
 Though linen coarse and broadcloth rough, 
 Or even plain, gray hodden stuff, 
 
 Endue your form, be they but clean, 
 
 The truer gentleman is seen. 
 
 Than if arrayed, a dandy pert. 
 
 In flashy jewelry and — dirt. 
 
 Whether you be or poor or rich, 
 A kingdom rule or dig a ditch; 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 249 
 
 Whate’er your place in Nature’s plan, 
 You may be this — a mainly man. 
 
 This holds the third important place, 
 
 In points the gentleman to trace. 
 
 The gentle man, observe this well. 
 
 Whose manners best his title tell. 
 
 Whose kindly thought will ever measure 
 His happiness by others’ pleasure. 
 
 No matter what their station be. 
 
 All claim alike his courtesy. 
 
 Good manners’ first, best, golden rule 
 Is deeply graved upon his soul. 
 
 The Gospel rule, “ To others do 
 As ye would they should unto you.” 
 
 With this you never can offend. 
 
 Or grieve the most sensitive friend. 
 
 When you in social converse meet. 
 Be cheerful, genial, but discreet. 
 
 Don’t talk apart, with one or two. 
 As if the rest were naught to you. 
 
 But unto each in turn attend. 
 
 And pleased attention try to lend. 
 
 Never dispute or disagree 
 With anything you hear or see, 
 
250 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Or try, by angry force, to make 
 All others your opinions take. 
 
 Choose always private place and season. 
 Mildly with erring friends to reason. 
 
 Let courteous actions also show 
 Good manners’ kindly ways you know. 
 
 Don’t stare at strangers in surprise. 
 Nor scan their dress with curious eyes. 
 
 Nor make a mental catalogue, 
 
 Down to the very cat and dog. 
 
 Of all you see, if e’er you come 
 Within the precincts of his home. 
 
 But, above all, avoid to gaze 
 Too boldly in a lady’s face. 
 
 To you each woman should appear 
 As mother or as sister dear. 
 
 All womanhood may, in their name, 
 Eespect and honor justly claim. 
 
 “In others patiently endure 
 Errors and faults — you may be sure. 
 
 In much that you unconscious do, 
 Yoi(, others try, as they try you.” 
 
GOOD MAWNEES, 
 
 251 
 
 Don’t study courtly airs and graces, 
 
 Bows, smirks and monkeyfied grimaces, 
 
 ISTor fawn on rank, or wealth, or station. 
 By flattery base ; nor seek occasion. 
 
 In any mean, unmanly way. 
 
 Court to the “upper ten” to pay. 
 
 Be mwnly-hearted, upright, true, 
 
 Give each and all the reverence due. 
 
 But still retain respect for self. 
 
 Though low your station, small your pelf ; 
 
 And if you meet one lowlier still. 
 
 Show equal courtesy and good will. 
 
 Three acts will mark the coward base. 
 And brand him with deserved disgrace — 
 
 The lame or the deformed to shock, 
 
 By heartless laugh or cruel mock ; 
 
 God’s simple ones to tease and jeei% 
 
 Or at the ignorant poor to sneer. 
 
 No truer sign of meanest mind 
 Than this despicable mark we find. 
 
 The golden rule begins and ends, 
 
 All on which courtesy true depends. 
 
 But table manners are the test, 
 
 That prove the heart and training best ; 
 
252 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 If here you justly make your claim 
 To gentlemanly rank and name, 
 
 No one will e’er that claim attack, 
 Though in some minor points you lack. 
 
 Be timely coming to a feast. 
 
 But not with too unseemly haste. 
 
 And with still greater cautious care, 
 
 Of coming after time beware. 
 
 If you ’re requested, be quite ready 
 To give your left arm to a lady ; 
 
 With her, in going through the door, 
 
 It is your place to pass before. 
 
 And while at table quietly 
 Study her wishes to supply. 
 
 A blessing ask, if grace is said, 
 
 With reverent downcast eyes and head, 
 
 And if by others ’tis forgot. 
 
 In your own heart forget it not ; 
 
 Don’t crowd or push another guest. 
 Hands, elbows, on the table rest ; 
 
 Be noiseless with knife, fork, and plate ; 
 Be self-possessed, and moderate ; 
 
 Let every movement be discreet. 
 Deliberate, gentle, guarded, neat. 
 
 Kefuse not soup, but nicely sip 
 From the spoon’s side and not its tip ; 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 253 
 
 Don’t bite your bread, nor br^k it up 
 To drop the pieces in your soup ; 
 
 And always say you do not wisb 
 A second help pf soup or fisb. 
 
 Don’t try of every disk to taste, 
 
 Nor eat your food witb greedy baste. 
 
 For if too hurriedly you eat 
 
 You’ll spill your gravy, drop your meat ; 
 
 And never let your neighbors see 
 
 Your peelings, bones, or such debris (da-bree) 
 
 Scattered upon the cloth around. 
 
 Or dropped upon the carpet found ; 
 
 And do not masticate your food • • 
 
 As if, cow-lilce, you chewed a cud. 
 
 To use your knife to help to salt 
 Or butter is a serious fault. 
 
 Don’t make your fingers sugar tongs, 
 
 Another of the vulgar wrongs. 
 
 No well-bred person e’er you see 
 Pufi' out his lips and “ blow ” his tea, 
 
 Nor with an unwiped greasy lip, 
 
 From any glass or cup to sip. 
 
 You must not bite or cut your bread 
 Unless it be with butter spread. 
 
 Don’t urge a lady to take wine 
 If offered once, and she decline. 
 
 22 
 
254 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 All fruits, *botli dry and fresh, and cheese. 
 
 Eat with your fingers if you please. 
 
 Divide large fruit with dainty care. 
 
 And neatly then the quarters pare. 
 
 Split peaches and remove the stone, 
 
 With knife-point it is deftly done. 
 
 Eat with a spoon all sorts of berries. 
 
 And as for gages, plums, and cherries, 
 
 The stones, please always understand. 
 
 Take from the mouth with half-closed hand. 
 
 Don’t crack nuts with your teeth — in truth 
 It spoils the nuts and crackers both. 
 
 Ne’er pocket any dainty bit 
 In private greediness to eat. 
 
 Of delicacies rich and rare 
 
 Help yourself with hand most spare. 
 
 And ne’er with selfish, greedy art. 
 
 Insinuate “your favorite part,’’ 
 
 But if you’re ashed w'hich it shall be, 
 
 Accept it with simplicity. 
 
 Epicurean remarks the wise 
 And truly manly will despise. 
 
 With mouth crammed full of food don’t mumble, 
 ’Twill make your talk a funny jumble. 
 
 When you are helped just take with ease 
 What quantity your host may please. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 255 
 
 Yet not so easy and so free 
 Assume too great a liberty, 
 
 As if you thought yourself most able, 
 
 And finest gentleman at table. 
 
 If you desire to be refined, 
 
 Use knife, fork, spoon, as they’re designed. 
 
 If you should, in a moment rash. 
 
 Reverse their use, perhaps you’d gash 
 
 A mouth already quite too wide, 
 
 And shock all who might see beside. 
 
 The use of spoons we all suppose 
 That every human being knows ; 
 
 ’Tis said in mouth of each babe born 
 Is golden spoon or one of horn. 
 
 To help yourself, or any friend. 
 
 Do not your knife, fork, spoon e’er lend. 
 
 Of such mistakes have careful heed ; 
 
 Use what is placed for public need. 
 
 Bread, nuts, and fruit, dear sir and madam, 
 Eat in the mode of Eve and Adam, 
 
 When thumb and fingers well supplied 
 All other implements beside. 
 
 Napkins and handkerchiefs pray mind 
 Have each their proper use assigned : 
 
 The first use only for your lips. 
 
 And, if you soil your finger-tips. 
 
256 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 For 'kerchief’s use, a delicate mind 
 Must teach you how to be refined ; 
 
 When using it you’ll turn aside 
 To cough or sneeze, then deftly hide 
 
 Safe in your pocket’s recess deep. 
 
 And out of sight the nuisance keep. 
 
 Finally, be this understood — 
 
 Food’s made for man, not man for food ; 
 
 So eat and drink, in moderation, 
 
 Just what you need for the occasion, 
 
 And do not, by intemperate greed. 
 
 Seem like a soulless beast to feed ; 
 
 From table with the host arise ; 
 
 In converse witty, calm, and wise ; 
 
 Some little space of time delay 
 Ere leave you take and go away. 
 
 Such are the rules of etiquette. 
 
 At well-bred tables always met ; 
 
 At home, ‘‘good sense” and ease, of course. 
 May somewhat modify their force. 
 
 “ Trifles,” ’tis said, and not amiss, 
 Make up the sum of human bliss. 
 “ If you your lips 
 Would keep from slips. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 257 
 
 Five rales observe witb care — 
 
 Of wbom you speak, 
 
 To Avbom you speak, 
 
 And how and when and where!'- 
 
 Learn with an equal, kindly grace. 
 
 And firmness to say no or yes. 
 
 Don’t whistling on the streets be caught 
 “ As fools do, just from want of thought.” 
 
 Don’t kick your feet, nor with them drum. 
 Nor yet with fingers ; do not hum. 
 
 As if in vacant reverie. 
 
 Nor idly in your pocket play 
 
 With jingling keys, or rattling change; 
 Sach tricks to gentlemen are strange ; 
 
 Don’t fidget with your knife or watch ; 
 
 Or strive admiring eyes to catch 
 
 With pin, or chain, or signet ring. 
 
 Or any other showy thing. 
 
 If need he, see the time of day. 
 
 Just in a modest, quiet way. 
 
 In public halls, a guarded voice 
 gentleman will make his choice. 
 
 By unassuming quiet grace, 
 
 Proving he knows his proper place; 
 22 * 
 
258 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 When you depart, don’t bore a friend 
 With farewells seeming without end, 
 
 And, standing in a draughty door. 
 Have still to say a “ few words more.” 
 
 Except in business time and place, 
 For visitors you rise always. 
 
 Ne'er swing your chair or tilt it back. 
 Unless propriety you lack. 
 
 Never, with eye-glass in your eye, 
 Like puppy stare at passers-by. 
 
 Only a ruffian, base and rude. 
 Upon a lady would intrude. 
 
 By turning in the street to gaze. 
 Or venturing her steps to trace. 
 
 Ne’er at hotels or restaurants 
 
 With noisy fuss make known your wants. 
 
 A kind deed, if politely done. 
 
 Is more like two kind acts than one. 
 
/ ■ 
 
 GOOD ATANNERS. 259 
 
 Thus, when such gentle deeds you do, 
 
 Make your friend feel he favors you. 
 
 Before your services you lend 
 To introduce, consult each friend. 
 
 And do not take the fact for granted 
 By both the introduction’s wanted. 
 
 “ By too familiar custom’s use. 
 Contempt and weariness ensues;” 
 
 So with u, certain, cautious care. 
 Decline your every thought to share. 
 
 You will not love your friend the less 
 By practicing this cautiousness ; 
 
 And rather win his best esteem 
 As you the more retiring seem. 
 
 The wit that can another wound 
 In gentlemen is never found. 
 
 Let not a stranger need a chair, 
 
 But keep your own if more are there. 
 
 Uncover where’er ladies are, 
 At concert, lecture, or bazaar. 
 
260 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 By these three marks we know a bore — 
 Long stories we have heard before ; 
 
 Details about his own affairs, 
 
 His hopes and fears, his pains and cares ; 
 
 By strings of questions without end ; 
 
 Kind heaven ! from bores deliverance send. 
 
 “Please” is but a little word, and “thank you” is not 
 long; 
 
 Their use, whene’er there’s need, alike to young and old 
 belong. 
 
 If need requires that you should haste, 
 And some one in advance be passed. 
 
 Don’t rudely push, but, bowing slightly, 
 You may proceed ahead politely; 
 
 If any blunder, or mistake. 
 
 Or heedless oversight you make. 
 
 That can another cause distress — 
 
 As stepping on a lady’s dress. 
 
 Or stumbling in another’s way, 
 
 “ Excuse me,” always quickly say. 
 
 But if in others you perceive 
 Such awkward things, always believe 
 
 ’Tis ignorance, and kindly try 
 All faults to veil you may espy ; 
 
GOOD MANNEBS. 
 
 To jeer or feagh would on your part 
 Prove ill-bred mind and evil heart. 
 
 With noble mind delight to show 
 Superior claims you feel and know, 
 
 And ne’er your hat. or seat retain 
 In priestly presence, or again 
 
 A lady’s, or one in whose years 
 The reverent claims of age appears. 
 
 Or one who holds a ruling station. 
 
 Or claims the deference of the nation. 
 
 Until they courteously permit 
 Your hat, or point you to your seat. 
 
 Avoid the self-conceit that makes 
 One eager to correct mistakes. 
 
 And, most of all, with tender care. 
 With parents of this fault beware. 
 
 Ne’er talk of self, nor thrust your word 
 Unwished for ; let each one be heard. 
 
 And each one for himself reply 
 To questions. Don’t stand listening by 
 
 To converse not to you addressed ; 
 
 Let prying queries be repressed ; 
 
262 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 We have no right to try to learn 
 All that our neighbor may concern. 
 
 Listen with patient courtesy 
 To all, though tedious some may he. 
 
 Remember always in a church, 
 
 It is God’s house and heaven’s porch. 
 
 Keep silence strict — let not one word 
 Of idle talk be ever heard. 
 
 In lecture-room and concert-hall 
 Regard the rights of one and all, 
 
 And do not, by your private talk, 
 The pleasure of another baulk. 
 
 Nor all the audience offend, 
 
 By going out before the end. 
 
 In company it always looks 
 Ill-bred to be absorbed in books ; 
 
 And breaking in on conversation, 
 
 By reading out without occasion ; 
 
 But when some eloquent, sweet-voiced guest. 
 The host and company request 
 
 To read aloud, then show your breeding. 
 
 By silent listening to the reading. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 263 
 
 Don't watch, from cracks all who pass by, 
 Like “Peeping Tom of Coventry.” 
 
 To bite your nailg is quite ill-bred, 
 Still more to use them on your head. 
 
 In company your teeth to pick 
 Will make refined beholders sick. 
 
 Intruding on a busy friend 
 In business hours, you may depend 
 
 Won’t raise you in his estimation ; 
 Nor if you use the same occasion 
 
 To handle private property. 
 
 Ask use or price of all you see ; 
 
 Or with audacity still greater. 
 
 Read, or e’en touch, a written paper. 
 
 Ne’er with a friend, in prolonged talk, 
 Monopolize the public walk ; 
 
 Keep to the right on each occasion, 
 
 A rule that knows but this evasion : . 
 
 When on a narrow path, or street, 
 
 A lady or old man you meet, . 
 
 The rule you waive, and, for their, sake. 
 The less convenient side you take. 
 
264 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Again, if ever there is need 
 In narrow path one should precede', • 
 
 The superior, in age or standing. 
 
 Takes the first place, as most commanding ; 
 
 Unless there's danger in the case, 
 
 And then it is the inferior’s place ; 
 
 For brave young hearts are always ready 
 As guard for clergy, age, or lady. 
 
 Precede^ a lady up a stair. 
 
 But follow, coming down, with care. 
 
 That on her dress you may not step. 
 
 Or cause her any awkward trip. 
 
 With ladies, gentlemen are ever 
 Polite, deferent, familiar never. 
 
 Don’t heedlessly engagements make, 
 But Avord once given never break ; 
 
 A gentleman, from first to last. 
 
 Is bondman to his word once passed. 
 
 That mind is generous, true, and strong. 
 That humbly OAvns it has done wrong ; 
 
 “I bow before the noble mind 
 That freely some great wrong forgives. 
 
GOOD MANNERS. 
 
 265 
 
 “Yet nobler is tbe one forgiven. 
 
 Who bears that burden well, and lives.” 
 
 No present friend with praise assail, 
 
 Nor at his faults, in absence, rail. 
 
 Better alone forever be 
 
 Than mix with worthless company. 
 
 “Tell me the company you keep, 
 
 And I will tell you what you are,” 
 
 I always hold, for wisdom deep. 
 
 An olden proverb rich and rare. 
 
 I pray you heed these maxims well. 
 
 Their worth your after life will tell ; 
 
 Not beauty, talent, rank, or power, 
 Supplies the lack, in social hour. 
 
 Of hnowledge of good manner s rules, 
 
 Nor all the learning of the schools ; 
 
 Nor even grandest moral worth. 
 
 Nor all the wealth upon the earth; 
 
 While though some other points you need, 
 Possessing that you will succeed. 
 
 And surely, in the. course of time, 
 
 With rapid feet, triumphant climb 
 
 Up to the heights at which you aim. 
 
 And win yourself an honored name. 
 
 23 
 
266 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER V. 
 
 CONVERSATION. 
 
 God gives to all some sort of speech, 
 But study and experience teach 
 
 How in the art we may excel, 
 Learning to talk and listen well. 
 
 The first rule is by proverb told — 
 
 “ Speech silver is, but silence gold.^’ 
 
 Therefore this wisdom first attain. 
 
 Of when to talk and when refrain. 
 
 Talk moderately, that others too 
 May “say their say” as well as you. 
 
 Be wisely silent when you see 
 'Tis best that you a listener be ; 
 
 But show, by look of interest kind. 
 You lend a pleased, attentive mind. 
 
 When conversation languid fiows. 
 Try with some word to interpose. 
 
 And bring its former interest back, 
 Or start it on a fresher track. 
 
CONVERSATION. 
 
 267 
 
 Study to gain a clear, pure voice, 
 
 Nor low nor loud; — and make your choice 
 
 The simple, plain, unstudied word. 
 
 Such as in common parlance heard. 
 
 Cant terms and vulgar words eschew — 
 They should not be even known to you. 
 
 Don’t talk your knowledge to display, 
 Lest rather ignorance you betray ; 
 
 Yet still be ready, if desired. 
 
 To share the wisdom you’ve acquired. 
 
 Talk not too much of your affairs, 
 Nor question others about their’s. 
 
 Except some frank, congenial mind. 
 In casual meeting, you may find. 
 
 Who can appreciate good sense 
 And speak with plain intelligence 
 
 About your business or his own. 
 
 Yet not in too familiar tone. 
 
 Despise not common words and ways. 
 The cordial, social, little phrase. 
 
 That holds society together. 
 
 Remarks about the wind and weather, 
 
268 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 And every-day, trite observations, 
 The staple of naost conversations; 
 
 They serve a purpose wise and good. 
 Though suiting not a cynic’s mood. 
 
 If among poor, unlettered men 
 Accident casts you, even then 
 
 Don’t cloak yourself in selfish pride, 
 
 Nor their sad ignorance deride, 
 
 But try to light the spark divine 
 That in each human soul doth shine. 
 
 Often beneath the coarsest rind 
 Some seed of precious worth we find. 
 
 Perhaps in Providence’s intent 
 
 Words you could speak may have been sent, 
 
 If not wrapped u]a in silent scorn. 
 
 To cheer or counsel, help or warn. 
 
 “A little word in kindness spoken, 
 
 A moment or a tear. 
 
 Has often healed the heart that’s broken. 
 And made a friend sincere. 
 
 “ A word — a look — has crushed to earth 
 Full many a budding flower. 
 
 Which, had a smile but owned its birth. 
 Would bless life’s darkest hour. 
 
CONVERSA TIOE: 
 
 269 
 
 “ Then deem it not an idle thing 
 A pleasant word to speak ; 
 
 The face you wear, the thoughts you bring, 
 A heart may heal or break.” 
 
 Be ready, with an humble grace, 
 
 To take at times a lower place ; 
 
 Glad if one wiser will to yoii 
 Impart his “treasures old and new;” 
 
 Nor be ashamed, with candid ease, 
 To use this simple art to please. 
 
 “A man of one idea” alone’ 
 
 Has ne’er in social converse shone. 
 
 With all this counsel, wise and clever, 
 He’d be a prosy bore forever. 
 
 Bead, listen, think, until your brains 
 Varied and generous store contains. 
 
 Then talk, and you will surely find 
 Pleased listeners in each kindred mind. 
 
 In letters the same rules apply 
 Which you may well be guided by ; 
 
 But of your spelling take good heed. 
 And syntax study well indeed; 
 
 23 * 
 
270 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 For written faults you cannot make 
 The same excuse for your mistake 
 
 That conversation’s heat affords, 
 
 So guard alike ideas and words ; 
 
 Don’t let them stiff and formal be, 
 
 But all come heart-warm, fresh, and free ; 
 
 In simple word and phrase reveal 
 The kindly thoughts you truly feel. 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 271 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 VOCATION. 
 
 “ Ho ! all who labor, all who strive, 
 
 Ye wield a lofty power; 
 
 Do with your might, do with your strength. 
 Fill every golden hour ; 
 
 The glorious privilege to do 
 Is man’s most noble dower. 
 
 Oh ! to your birthright, to yourselves. 
 
 To your own souls be true ! 
 
 A weary, wretched life is their’s 
 Who have no work to do.” 
 
 When His fair finished world God saw 
 He made for it this primal law : 
 
 Order should be its settled plan. 
 
 And be the proper guide for man. 
 
 The fittest place each one can find 
 Is that for which he was designed. 
 
 It matters not, or high or low. 
 
 If God’s decree has willed it so ; 
 
272 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Ambitious hopes, mistaken pride, 
 
 Tempt some from their right path aside. 
 
 Others, with craven, faithless heart. 
 
 Too cowardly to take the part 
 
 Assigned them, idle life away 
 As if one endless holiday. 
 
 “Who lags for dread of daily work, 
 And his appointed task would shirk. 
 Commits a folly and a crime ; 
 
 A soulless slave, 
 
 A paltry knave, 
 
 A clog upon the wheels of time ; 
 With work to do, and store of health. 
 The man’s unworthy to he free 
 Who will not give. 
 
 That he may live. 
 
 His daily toil for daily fee.” 
 
 Let judgment, then, in this appear — 
 
 Be not deceived by pride or fear ; 
 
 Nor think that e’en the lowest place 
 Can ever noble mind disgrace. 
 
 Nay, rather know the maxim true — 
 
 “ Honoring your trade will honor you.” 
 
 Judge yourself fairly, justly then. 
 Unbiased hy all other men ; 
 
 Consider well each separate power. 
 
 Each talent God has made your dower ; 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 273 
 
 And know he will account demand 
 Most strictly from His creature’s hand. 
 
 Use reason calm your choice to make, 
 
 But let your reason counsel take 
 
 From prayer to God for light and strength 
 To choose what He would have at length. 
 
 “Where duty lies, 
 
 There is highest sacrifice ; 
 
 Oft in meanest tasks on earth 
 Faith doth show her genuine birth. 
 Giving them immortal worth.” 
 
 But while of pride you must beware. 
 
 Of false humility take care. 
 
 ’Tis said that, in the devil’s eyes. 
 
 This pride, that apes an humble guise. 
 
 Is his beloved and darling sin. 
 
 And countless souls for him doth win. 
 
 With generous trust,- and brave, high heart. 
 Fear not to take a ruling part ; 
 
 If conscious God has called you there. 
 
 And helped you well your soul prepare ; 
 
 And this thought rules your chosen plan, 
 “Glory to God — good will to man.” 
 
 When once you’ve wisely made your choice. 
 Be deaf to every tempting voice. 
 
274 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 Press on and up, with steady aim, 
 Heedless alike of praise or blame. 
 
 " Like a star, 
 
 That maketh not haste. 
 That taketh no rest — 
 Let each be fulfilling 
 His God-given hest.” 
 
 Seeking the end you have in view. 
 
 To God and your own soul be true. 
 
 Loathe and avoid all trickery base. 
 
 Be honest in words, looks and ways. 
 
 Be punctual, as though a crime 
 Heedless to waste another’s time. 
 
 Be civil; courtesy nothing costs. 
 
 And wins us friends in countless hosts. 
 
 Be orderly ; let system rule. 
 
 And have its p>lace for every tool. 
 
 Be cautious; do not rashly trust. 
 
 But ne’er suspect, unless you must. 
 
 “Ne’er run in debt” — “pay as you go,” 
 
 Is a maxim of maxims that all should know. 
 
 “ The wise man his secret will carefully keep," 
 Lest another success should at his expense reap. 
 
 Be watchful and prompt, for success is oft grasped 
 By the hand that is ready before it be passed. 
 
VOCATION. 
 
 275 
 
 Be industrious and earnest, persevere, persevere ; 
 Step hy step brings success daily, Hourly near. 
 
 “ ’Tis a lesson you should heed, 
 
 Try again; 
 
 If at first you don’t succeed, 
 
 Try again ; 
 
 Then your courage should appear. 
 
 For if you will persevere, 
 
 You will conquer, never fear, 
 
 Try again.” 
 
 Whate’er your calling, still be brave. 
 
 Neither a tyrant nor a slave ; 
 
 But think you see, in every other 
 Whom you may meet, a man and brother. 
 
 Let heart and mind your standard he 
 Of truest aristocracy. 
 
 And look with reverence on the man 
 Who fills his place in heaven’s plan; 
 
 If President or cross-legged tailor, 
 
 A Commodore or common sailor ; 
 
 “All are but workers — hour by hour. 
 
 With hearts that are brave and true. 
 
 From dawn to dark, through the whole day’s length. 
 Each gives with an earnest will his strength 
 To the work he finds to do. 
 
276 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 “ But a grander task for all remains, 
 
 Wkick will only end with Time ; 
 
 And this grand task is ’mid the ceaseless din 
 Of the constant struggle that hems us in 
 To MAKE OUB, LIVES SUBLIME.” 
 
PART II. 
 
 FOR YOUNG LADIES. 
 
I**' 
 
 
 -V 
 
 •;':i 
 
 ;c: 
 
 ■ 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 279 
 
 CHAPTER I. 
 
 “ Oft in lowliest tasks of earth 
 Faith will find its genuine birth : 
 Giving them immortal w'orth.” 
 
 She who this living faith would know, 
 Must strive these things to learn and do ; 
 
 In daily duties’ round to learn 
 An inner spirit to discern, 
 
 And with a generous, earnest will. 
 
 Each mean, unworthy thought to still. 
 
 Find how the tastes of all to please. 
 
 And take no joy in careless ease ; 
 
 But blithe and cheerful day by day. 
 Keep step by step her upward way 
 
 To noblest height of womanhood — 
 Self-sacrifice for others good. 
 
280 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHx\PTER II. 
 
 ’Tis not alone housewifely care 
 
 That maketh home seem bright and fair. 
 
 And though it all be duly set, 
 
 If love’s sweet smile be lacking yet; 
 
 •If frowning brow and sullen face 
 Show’s want of pure affectioji’s grace ; 
 
 Nor luxury, nor pomp, nor pride. 
 
 Nor every gift of wealth beside. 
 
 Can make it home : love only knows 
 How to make home where’er it goes. 
 
 The gentle kiss — the kind caress, 
 
 A word in tones of tenderness; 
 
 How many a pain of heart and mind 
 Would soothing comfort in them find. 
 
 Learn, then, in girlhood’s pliant days. 
 
 To practice all love’s gentle ways ; 
 
 In little things its spirit shows. 
 
 And in their 2:jractice daily grows. 
 
 'Till rising up in power and strength 
 It reaches loftiest heights .at length. 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 281 
 
 CHAPTER III. 
 
 Be hopeful, sunny, cheerful, bright, 
 Whate’er betides by day or night. 
 
 A cheerful mind, like sunny gleams, 
 Gilds harshest facts with golden beams; 
 
 ’Tis rest unto the weary heart ; 
 
 To angry moods ’twill calm impart; 
 
 It melts the stubborn ; to the Aveak 
 ’Twill courage and endurance speak ; 
 
 Light, help and comfort, Avisdom, grace, 
 All enter Avith a cheerful face. 
 
282 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER IV. 
 
 With self must patience needs begin, 
 And day by day some progress win. 
 
 Yet still, as day shall follow day 
 Before it's stretched a longer way. 
 
 And yet more distant seems its goal, 
 The nobler be the eager soul. 
 
 The truly filial child is she 
 Who does her duty patiently. 
 
 Not from mere duty's strictest need. 
 That gentler motives will not heed ; 
 
 But adding unto duty’s law 
 Those kindlier impulses which draw 
 
 From helpless sickness or old age 
 Still stronger reasons to engage, 
 
 A patience which, by every sign, 
 Proves that its source is all Divine. 
 
 “Its perfect work let patience have, 
 ’Twill many a sin and sorrow save ; 
 
 And calm and even life will glide 
 If patience doth with thee abide. 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHA.PTER V. 
 
 The homely ways of daily toil 
 Perhaps at times the hands may soil. 
 
 The broom, soft, rosy palms annoy. 
 
 And “kitchen work” may quite destroy 
 
 Romantic dreams of wedded life, ' 
 
 But the true woman and true wife 
 
 Finds in its quiet round of care. 
 
 Its daily toils, a treasure rare. 
 
 The humblest tasks her hands fulfil, 
 
 She makes a source of pleasure still 
 
 In work well done, and calmly blest, 
 
 Her heart and mind alike will rest ; 
 
 While husband, children, servants praise 
 The simple wisdom of her ways. 
 
284 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER VI. 
 
 The ladies of these latter days 
 Too oft neglect old-fashioned ways ; 
 
 The thrifty .ways their grand-dames knew 
 How ancient garments to renew ; 
 
 How, with elaborate, patient care. 
 
 The much-worn stockings to repair 
 
 By loose drawn rows of smooth flat darn 
 With cotton soft or even yarn. 
 
 ’Tis pity these economic ways 
 
 That won our grandmammas such praise. 
 
 Are now-a-days near set aside 
 By thriftless idleness and pride. 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 285 
 
 CHAPTER VII. 
 
 Is there a sharper, crueler dart, 
 
 Piercing more quickly to the heart. 
 
 Is there a venomed arrow keen 
 More fatal than detraction’s spleen, 
 
 More subtle poison ever spread. 
 
 Than whispered scandal’s words of dread. 
 
 Or bitterer tears than oft are wrung 
 By woman’s sharp unbridled tongue ? 
 
 Say not, “I know the thing is true,” 
 
 Even though ajDpearing so to you, 
 
 It will not justify your cause 
 In breaking charity’s fair laws. 
 
 “ Speak good of all, or silent be,” 
 
 Is the sure rule of' charity, 
 
 “ Judge not” comes with this promise sweet, 
 “ And you no judgment hard shall meet.” 
 
 And they who neighbors ne’er condemn 
 Know mercy surely waiteth them, 
 
286 
 
 EXCELSIOU. 
 
 GIIAPTEE VIII. 
 
 A -woman perfect and complete 
 Needs first to be a housewife neat ; 
 
 If -v\'ife, on wifely duties bent, 
 
 If mother, on her charge intent ; 
 
 But she who has a vacant mind, 
 
 An intellect all unrefined ; 
 
 Who never cares in any booh 
 That has no “ fashion plates ” to look ; 
 
 Will live but a poor, vacant life — 
 
 An ignorant mother — childish wife ; 
 
 From lack of knowledge, not of will, 
 Her duties only half fulfil. 
 
EXGELSIOB. 
 
 287 
 
 CHAPTER IX. 
 
 God givetR each some gift and grace, 
 And fits each soul for its own place. 
 
 But strict account He yet will ask, 
 How each fulfil the appointed task ; 
 
 And use each talent, Virgins five 
 The light of knowledge kept alive ; 
 
 And fed that inner lamp, the mind. 
 With wholesome food, for it designed; 
 
 While other five the light divine. 
 Allowed to dwindle, waste, and pine. 
 
 For lack of food. Then, piteous fate, 
 Their folly knew — alas ! too late. 
 
288 
 
 EXCELSIOE. 
 
 CHAPTER X. 
 
 ’Tis sad to see Low liealtli and grace 
 To fashion’s idle laws give place; 
 
 How day by day the natural waist 
 Grows less and less, as tighter laced ; 
 
 And prisoned feet, and aching hands, 
 Are bound by fashion’s cruel bands ; 
 
 And all that nature fairly made 
 In well proportioned size displayed. 
 
 By long and painful force compelled 
 To barbarous distortions yield. 
 
EXCELSIOR. 
 
 289 
 
 CHAPTEE XL 
 
 The instinct of each wonaan’s heart 
 Should teach her how to act her part. 
 
 ’Tis God who hath her place assigned, 
 And given to her a pliant mind, 
 
 And quick perceptive power to see 
 Just what a duteous wife should be. 
 
 By gentle, mild, adaptive mood, 
 
 She wins, persuades, incites to good ; 
 
 And if the purer, loftier soul 
 Will thus her husband best control ; 
 
 While if he towers far above. 
 
 She makes herself worthy his love. 
 
 ’Tis by submission wmmen rule, 
 
 And she who best her heart doth school 
 
 In all humility’s sweet ways 
 
 Will win most honor and most praise. 
 
290 
 
 EXCELSIOR. 
 
 CHAPTER XII. 
 
 The rules of breeding most exact 
 Of finest feeling, sense and tact, 
 
 In the Apostle’s words we find 
 Adapted to each human mind. 
 
 They teach us all we need to know 
 For guidance, wheresoe’er we go. 
 
 And by their -practice we will learn 
 New meanings daily to discern. 
 
 They govern heart, and mind, and will, 
 And give each nobler motives still. 
 
 And yearnings, daily more intense, 
 
 For higher heights of excellence.