DUKE UNIVERSITY LIBRARY Treasure %oom GIFT OF Class of I9I3 ^fo^JirJjnstmt. /^/^k^ .->t^*4r Azt^z ^V^ 7 DON JUAN. CANTOS IX.— X.— AND XI. " Dost thou think, because thou art virtuous, there shall be no more Cakes and Ale ?" — " Yes, by St. Anne ; and Ginger shall be hot i' the mouth too!" — Twelfth Night, or What you Will. Shakspeare. LONDON, 1823: PRINTED FOR JOHN HUNT, 38, TAVISTOCK STREET, COVENT GARDEN, AND 22, OLD B'OND STREET. BF • ♦ lrea.su re Room DON JUAN. CANTO IX. r > 4. Q Q 5. K t •■ 1 IV. You are " the best of cut-throats :" — do not start ; The phrase is Shakspeare's, and not misapplied : — War's a brain-spattering, windpipe-slitting art, Unless her cause by Right be sanctified. If you have acted once a generous part, The World, not the World's masters, will decide, And I shall be delighted to learn who, Save you and yours, have gained by Waterloo ? V. I am no flatterer — you've supped full of flattery : They say you like it too — 'tis no great wonder : He whose whole life has been assault and battery, At last may get a little tired of thunder ; And swallowing eulogy much more than satire, he May like being praised for every lucky blunder ; Called " Saviour of the Nations" — not yet saved, And Europe's Liberator — still enslaved. DON JUAN. • Cajjto IX AN! VI. I've done. Now go and dine from off the plate " J Presented by the Prince of the Brazils, And send the sentinel before your gate ( 2 ) A slice or two from your luxurious meals : He fought, but has not fed so well of late. Some hunger too they say the people feels : — There is no doubt that you deserve your ration, But pray give back a little to the nation. VII. I don't mean to reflect — a man so great as You, my Lord Duke ! is far above reflection. The high Roman fashion too of Cincinnatus, With modern history has but small connection : Though as an Irishman you love potatoes, You need not take them under your direction ; And half a million for your Sabine farm Is rather dear ! — I'm sure I mean no harm. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 9 VIII. Great men have always scorned great recompenses : Epaminqndas saved his Thebes, and died, Not leaving even his funeral expenses : George Washington had thanks and nought beside, Except the all-cloudless Glory (which few men's is) To free his country : Pitt too had his pride, And, as a high-soul'd Minister of State, is Renowned for ruining Great Britain gratis. IX. Never had mortal Man such opportunity, Except Napoleon, or abused it more : You might have freed fall'n Europe from the Unity Of Tyrants, and been blest from shore to shore : And now — What is your fame ? Shall the Muse tune it ye ? Now — that the rabble's first vain shouts are o'er ? Go, hear it in your famished Country's cries ! Behold the World ! and curse your victories ! 10 DON JUAN. Canto IX. :x. As these new Cantos touch on warlike feats, To you the unflattering Muse deigns to inscribe Truths that you will not read in the Gazettes, But which, 'tis time to teach the hireling tribe Who fatten on their Country's gore and debts, Must be recited, and — without a bribe. You did great things ; but not being great in mind, Have left undone the greatest — and mankind. XI. Death laughs — Go ponder o'er the skeleton With which men image out the unknown thing That hides the past world, like to a set sun Which still elsewhere may rouse a brighter spring, — Death laughs at all you weep for : — look upon This hourly dread of all, whose threatened sting Turns life to terror, even though in its sheath ! Mark ! how its lipless mouth grins without breath ! Canto IX. DON JUAN. 1] XII. Mark ! how it laughs and scorns at all you are ! And yet was what you are : from ear to ear It laughs not — there is now no fleshy bar So called ; the Antic long hath ceased to hear, But still he smiles; and whether near or far He strips from man that mantle (far more dear Than even the tailor's) his incarnate skin, White, black, or copper — the dead bones will grin. XIII. And thus Death laughs, — it is sad merriment, But still it is so ; and with such example Why should not Life be equally content, With his Superior, in a smile to trample Upon the nothings which are daily spent Like bubbles on an ocean much less ample Than the eternal deluge, which devours Suns as rays — worlds like atoms — years like hours ? 12 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XIV. " To be or not to be ! that is the question," Says Shakespeare, who just now is much in fashion. I am neither Alexander nor Hephsestion, Nor ever had for abstract fame much passion ; But would much rather have a sound digestion, Than Buonaparte's cancer : — could I dash on Through fifty victories to shame or fame, Without a stomach — what were a good name ? XV. " Oh dura ilia messorum !" — " Oh " Ye rigid guts of reapers ffl — I translate For the great benefit of those who know What Indigestion is — that inward fate Which makes all Styx though one small liver flow. A peasant's sweat is worth his Lord's estate : Let this one toil for bread — that rack for rent, He who sleeps best, may be the most content. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 13 XVI. " To be or not to be ?" — Ere I decide, I should be glad to know that which is being ? Tis true we speculate both far and wide, And deem, because we see, we are all-seeing : For my part, I'll enlist on neither side, Until I see both sides for once agreeing. For me, I sometimes think that Life is Death, Rather than Life a mere affair of breath. XVII. " Que sgais-je ?" was the motto of Montaigne, As also of the first Academicians : That all is dubious which Man may attain, Was one of their most favourite positions. There's no such thing as certainty, that's plain As any of Mortality's Conditions : So little do we know what we're about in This world, I doubt if doubt itself be doubting. 14 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XVIII. It is a pleasant voyage perhaps to float, Like Pyrrho, on a sea of speculation ; But what if carrying sail capsize the boat ? Your wise men don't know much of navigation ; And swimming long in the abyss of thought Is apt to tire : a calm and shallow station Well nigh the shore, where one stoops down and gathers Some pretty shell, is best for moderate bathers. XIX. ** But Heaven," as Cassio says, " is above all, — " No more of this then, — let us pray !" We have Souls to save, since Eve's slip and Adam's fall, Which tumbled all mankind into the grave, Besides fish, beasts, and birds. " The Sparrow's fall " Is special providence," though how it gave Offence, we know not ; probably it perched Upon the tree which Eve so fondly searched. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 15 XX. Oh, ye immortal Gods ! what is Theogony ? Oh, thou too mortal Man ! what is Philanthropy ? Oh, World ! which was and is, what is Cosmogony? Some people have accused me of Misanthropy ; And yet I know no more -than the mahogany That forms this desk, of what they mean;-- Lykanthropy I comprehend, for without transformation Men become wolves on any slight occasion. XXL But I, the mildest, meekest of mankind, Like Moses, or Melancthon, who have ne'er Done any thing exceedingly unkind, — And (though I could not now and then forbear Following the bent of body or of mind) Have always had a tendency to spare, — Why do they call me misanthrope ? Because They hate me, not I them : — And here we'll pause. 16 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XXII. Tis time we should proceed with our good poem, For I maintain that it is really good, Not only in the body, but the proem, However little both are understood Just now, — but by and by the Truth will show 'em Herself in her sublimest attitude : And till she doth, I fain must be content To share her Beauty and her Banishment. XXIII. Our Hero (and, I trust, kind reader ! your's) — Was left upon his way to the chief City Of the immortal Peter's polished boors, Who still have shown themselves more brave thanwitty . I know its mighty Empire now allures Much flattery — even Voltaire's, and that's a pity. For me, I deem an absolute Autocrat Not a Barbarian, but much worse than that. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 17 XXIV. And I will war, at least in words (and — should My chance so happen — deeds) with all who war With Thought ; — and of Thought's foes by far most rude, Tyrants and Sycophants have been and are. I know not who may conquer : if I could Have such a prescience, it should be no bar To this my plain, sworn, downright detestation Of every despotism in every nation. XXV. It is not that I adulate the people : Without me, there are Demagogues enough, And Infidels, to pull down every steeple And set up in their stead some proper stuff. Whether they may sow Scepticism to reap Hell, As is the Christian dogma rather rough, I do not know ; — I wish men to be free As much from mobs as kings — from you as me. 18 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XXVI. The consequence is, being of no party, I shall offend all parties : — never mind ! My words, at least, are more sincere and hearty Than if I sought to sail before the wind. He who has nought to gain can have small art : he Who neither wishes to he bound nor bind, May still expatiate freely, as will I, Nor give my voice to Slavery's Jackall cry. XXVII. That's an appropriate simile, that Jackall; — I've heard them in the Ephesian ruins howl By night, as do that mercenary pack all, Power's base purveyors, who for pickings prowl, And scent the prey their masters would attack all. However, the poor Jackalls are less foul (As being the brave Lions' keen providers) Than human Insects, catering for Spiders. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 19 XXVIII. Raise but an arm ! 'twill brush their web away, And without that, their poison and their claws Are useless. Mind, good People ! what I say — (Or rather Peoples) — go on without pause ! The web of these Tarantulas each day Increases, till you shall make common cause : None, save the Spanish Fly and Attic Bee, As yet are strongly stinging to be free. XXIX. Don Juan, who had shone in the late slaughter, Was left upon his way with the dispatch, Where Blood was talked of as we would of Water ; And carcases that lay as thick as thatch O'er silenced cities, merely served to flatter Fair Catherine's pastime, — who looked on the match Between these nations as a main of cocks, Wherein she liked her own to stand like rocks. 20 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XXX. And there in a kibitka he rolled on, (A cursed sort of carriage without springs, Which on rough roads leaves scarcely a whole bone) Pondering on glory, chivalry, and kings, And orders, and on all that he had done — And wishing that post horses had the wings Of Pegasus — or, at the least, post chaises Had feathers, when a traveller on deep ways is. XXXI. At every jolt — and they were many — still He turned his eyes upon his little charge, As if he wished that she should fare less ill Than he, in these sad highways left at large To ruts, and flints, and lovely Nature's skill, Who is no paviour, nor admits a barge On her canals, where God takes sea and land, Fishery and farm, both into his own hand. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 21 XXXII. At least he pays no rent, and has best right To be the first of what we used to call " Gentlemen Farmers" — a race worn out quite, Since lately there have been no rents at all, And " gentlemen" are in a piteous plight, And " farmers" can't raise Ceres from her fall. She fell with Buonaparte : — What strange thoughts Arise, when we see Emperors fall with oats ! XXXIII. But Juan turned his eyes on the sweet child Whom he had saved from slaughter — what a trophy ! Oh ! ye who build up monuments, defiled With gore, like Nadir Shah, that costive Sophy, Who, after leaving Hindostan a wild, And scarce to the Mogul a cup of coffee To soothe his woes withal, was slain — the sinner ! Because he could no more digest his dinner ; — ( 3 ) 22 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XXXIV. Oh ye ! or we ! or he ! or she ! reflect, That one life saved, especially if young Or pretty, is a thing to recollect Far sweeter than the greenest laurels sprung From the manure of human clay, though decked With all the praises ever, said or sung : Though hymned by every harp, unless within Your Heart joins Chorus, Fame is but a din. XXXV. Oh, ye great Authors luminous, voluminous ! Ye twice ten hundred thousand daily scribes, Whose pamphlets, volumes, newspapers illumine us ! Whether you're paid by Government in bribes, To prove the public debt is not consuming us — Or, roughly treading on the " Courtier's kibes" With clownish heel, your popular circulation Feeds you by printing half the realm's Starvation ; — Canto IX. DON JUAN. 23 XXXVI. Oh, ye great Authors ! — " Apropos des bottes" — I have forgotten what I meant to say, As sometimes have been greater Sages' lots ; — 'Twas something calculated to allay All wrath in barracks, palaces, or cots : Certes it would have been but thrown away, And that's one comfort for my lost advice, Although no doubt it was beyond all price. XXXVII. But let it go : — it will one day be found With other relics of " a former world," When this world shall he former, underground, Thrown topsy-turvy, twisted, crisped, and curled, Baked, fried, or burnt, turned inside-out, or drowned, Like all the worlds before, which have been hurled First out of and then back again to Chaos, The Superstratum which will overlay us. 24 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XXXVIII. So Cuvier says ; — and then shall come again Unto the new Creation, rising out From our old crash, some mystic, ancient strain Of things destroyed and left in airy doubt : Like to the notions we now entertain Of Titans, Giants, fellows of about Some hundred feet in height, not to say miles, And Mammoths, and your winged Crocodiles. XXXIX. Think if then George the Fourth should be dug up ! How the new worldlings of the then new East Will wonder where such animals could sup ! (For they themselves will be but of the least : Even worlds miscarry, when too oft they pup, And every new Creation hath decreased In size, from overworking the material — Men are but maggots of some huge Earth's burial.) Canto IX. DON JUAN. 25 XL. How will — to these young people, just thrust out From some fresh Paradise, and set to plough, And dig, and sweat, and turn themselves about, And plant, and reap, and spin, and grind, and sow, Till all the Arts at length are brought about, Especially of war and taxing, — how, I say, will these great relics, when they see 'em, Look like the monsters of a new Museum ? XLI. But I am apt to grow too metaphysical : " The time is out of joint," — and so am I ; I quite forget this poem's merely quizzical, And deviate into matters rather dry. I ne'er decide what I shall say, and this I call Much too poetical. Men should know why They write, and for what end ; but, note or text, I never know the word which will come next. 26 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XLII. So on I ramble, now and then narrating, Now pondering : — it is time we should narrate : I left Don Juan with his horses baiting — Now we'll get o'er the ground at a great rate. I shall not be particular in stating His journey, we've so many tours of late : Suppose him then at Petersburgh ; suppose That pleasant capital of painted Snows ; XLIII. Suppose him in a handsome uniform ; A scarlet coat, black facings, a long plume, Waving, like sails new shivered in a storm, Over a cocked hat in a crowded room, And brilliant breeches, bright as a Cairn Gorme, Of yellow cassimere we may presume, White stockings drawn, uncurdled as new milk, O'er limbs whose symmetry set off the silk : Canto IX. DON JUAN. 27 XLIV. Suppose him sword by side, and hat in hand, Made up by Youth, Fame, and an Army tailor — That great Enchanter, at whose rod's command Beauty springs forth, and Nature's self turns paler, Seeing how Art can make her work more grand, (When she don't pin men's limbs in like a jailor) — Behold him placed as if upon a pillar ! He Seems Love turned a Lieutenant of Artillery I XLV. His Bandage slipped down into a cravat ; His Wings subdued to epaulettes ; his Quiver Shrunk to a scabbard, with his Arrows at His side as a small sword, but sharp as ever ; His Bow converted into a cocked hat ; But still so like, that Psyche were more clever Than some wives (who make blunders no less stupid) If She had not mistaken him for Cupid. 28 DON JUAN. Canto IX. XLVI. The courtiers stared, the ladies whispered, and. The Empress smiled ; the reigning favourite frowned — I quite forget which of them was in hand Just then, as they are rather numerous found, Who took by turns that difficult command Since first her Majesty was singly crowned : , But they were mostly nervous six-foot fellows, All fit to make a Patagonian jealous. XLVII. Juan was none of these, but slight and slim, Blushing and beardless ; and yet ne'ertheless There was a something in his turn of limb, And still more in his eye, which seemed to express That though he looked one of the Seraphim, There lurked a Man beneath the Spirit's dress. Besides, the Empress sometimes liked a boy, And had just buried the fair faced Lanskoi. (4) Canto IX. DON JUAN. 29 XLVIII. No wonder then that YermolofT, or MomonofF, Or Scherbatoff, or any other off Or on, might dread her Majesty had not room enough Within her bosom (which was not too tough) For a new flame ; a thought to cast of gloom enough Along the aspect whether smooth or rough Of him who, in the language of his station, Then held that " high official situation." XLIX. Oh, gentle ladies ! should you seek to know The import of this diplomatic phrase, Bid Ireland's Londonderry's Marquess ( 5 ) show His parts of speech ; and in the strange displays Of that odd string of words, all in a row, Which none divine, and every one obeys, Perhaps you may pick out some queer wo-meaning, Of that weak wordy harvest the sole gleaning. 30 DON JUAN. Canto IX. L. I think I can explain myself without That sad inexplicable beast of prey — That Sphinx, whose words would ever be a doubt, Did not his deeds unriddle them each day — That monstrous Hieroglyphic — that long Spout Of blood and water, leaden Castlereagh ! And here I must an anecdote relate, But luckily of no great length or weight. LI. An English lady asked of an Italian, What were the actual and official duties Of the strange thing some Women set a value on, Which hovers oft about some married Beauties, Called " Cavalier Servente ?" — a Pygmalion Whose statues warm (I fear, alas ! too true 'tis) Beneath his Art. The dame, pressed to disclose them, Said — " Lady, I beseech you to suppose them." Canto IX. DON JUAN. 31 LH. And thus I supplicate your supposition, And mildest, Matron-like interpretation Of the Imperial Favourite's Condition. 'Twas a high place, the highest in the nation In fact, if not in rank ; and the suspicion Of any one's attaining to his station, No doubt gave pain, where each new pair of shoulders, If rather broad, made stocks rise and their holders. LIII. Juan, I said, was a most beauteous Boy, And had retained his boyish look beyond The usual hirsute seasons which destroy, With beards and whiskers and the like, the fond Parisian' aspect which upset old Troy And founded Doctor's Commons : — I have conned The history of divorces, which, though chequered, Calls Ilion's the first damages on record. 32 DON JUAN. Canto IX. LIV. And Catherine, who loved all things (save her lord, Who was gone to his place) and passed for much, Admiring those (by dainty dames abhorred) Gigantic Gentlemen, yet had a touch Of Sentiment; and he She most adored Was the lamented Lanskoi, who was such A lover as had cost her many a tear, And yet but made a middling grenadier. LV. Oh, thou " teterrima Causa" of all " belli" — Thou gate of Life and Death — -thou nondescript ! Whence is our exit and our entrance, — well I May pause in pondering how all Souls are dipt In thy perrennial fountain : — how man/el/, I Know not, since Knowledge saw her branches stript Of her first fruit ; but how he falls and rises Since, Thou hast settled beyond all surmises. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 33 LVI. Some call thee " the worst Cause of war," but I Maintain thou art the best : for after all From thee we come, to thee we go, and why To get at thee not batter down a wall, Or waste a world ? Since no one can deny Thou dost replenish worlds both great and small : With, or without thee, all things at a stand Are, or would be, thou Sea of Life's dry Land ! LVII. Catherine, who was the grand Epitome Of that great Cause of war, or peace, or what You please (it causes all the things which be, So you may take your choice of this or that) — Catherine, I say, was very glad to see The handsome herald, on whose plumage sat Victory ; and, pausing as she saw him kneel With his dispatch, forgot to break the seal. 34 DON JUAN. Canto IX LVIII. Then recollecting the whole Empress, nor Forgetting quite the woman (which composed At least three parts of this great whole) she tore The letter open with an air which posed The Court, that watched each look her visage wore, Until a royal smile at length disclosed Fair weather for the day. Though rather spacious, Her face was noble, her eyes fine, mouth gracious. LIX. Great joy was her's, or rather joys; the first Was a ta'en city — thirty thousand slain. Glory and triumph o'er her aspect burst, As an East Indian Sunrise on the main. These quenched a moment her Ambition's thirst — So Arab Deserts drink in Summer's rain : In vain ! — As fall the dews on quenchless sands, Blood only serves to wash Ambition's hands ! i Canto IX. DON JUAN. 35 LX. Her next amusement was more fanciful ; She smiled at mad Suwarrow's rhymes, who threw Into a Russian couplet rather dull The whole gazette of thousands whom he slew. Her third was feminine enough, to annul The shudder which runs naturally through Our veins, when things called Sovereigns think it best To kill, and Generals turn it into jest. LXI. The two first feelings ran their course complete, And lighted first her eye and then her mouth : The whole Court looked immediately most sweet, Like flowers well watered after a long drouth : — But when on the Lieutenant at her feet Her Majesty, who liked to gaze on youth Almost as much as on a new dispatch, Glanced mildly, all the world was on the watch. 36 DON JUAN. Canto IX. LXII. Though somewhat large, exuberant, and truculent, When wroth ; while pleased, she was as fine a figure As those who like things rosy, ripe, and succulent, Would wish to look on, while they are in vigour. She could repay each amatory look you lent With interest, and in turn was wont with rigour To exact of Cupid's bills the full amount At sight, nor would permit you to discount. LXIII. With her the latter, though at times convenient, Was not so necessary ; for they tell That she was handsome, and though fierce looked lenient, And always used her favourites too well. If once beyond her boudoir's precincts in ye went, Your " Fortune" was in a fair way " to swell A Man," as Giles says ; ( 6 ) for though she would widow all Nations, she liked Man as an individual. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 37 LXIV. What a strange thing is man ! and what a stranger Is woman ! What a whirlwind is her head, And what a whirlpool full of depth and danger Is all the rest about her ! Whether wed, Or widow, maid, or mother, she can change her Mind like the wind ; whatever she has said Or done, is light to what she'll say or do ; — The oldest thing on record, and yet new ! LXV. Oh Catherine! (for of all interjections To thee both oh ! and ah ! belong of right In love and war) how odd are the connections Of human thoughts, which jostle in their flight ! Just now your's were cut out in different sections : First Ismail's capture caught your fancy quite ; Next of new knights, the fresh and glorious hatch ; And thirdly, he who brought you the dispatch ! 38 DON JUAN. Canto IX. LXVI. Shakspeare talks of " the Herald Mercury 11 New lighted on a Heaven-kissing hill;" And some such visions crossed her Majesty, While her young Herald knelt before her still. Tis very true the hill seemed rather high For a Lieutenant to climb up ; but skill Smoothed even the Simplon's steep, and by God's blessing;, With Youth and Health all kisses are " heaven-kissing." LXVII. Her Majesty looked down, the Youth looked up — And so they fell in love : — She with his face, His grace, his God-knows-what : for Cupid's cup With the first draught intoxicates apace, A quintessential laudanum or " black drop," Which makes one drunk at once, without the base Expedient of full bumpers ; for the eye In love drinks all life's fountains (save tears) dry. Canto IX; DON JUAN. 39 LXVIII. He, on the other hand, if not in love, Fell into that no less imperious passion, Self-love — which, when some sort of Thing above Ourselves, a singer, dancer, much in fashion, Or dutchess, princess, Empress, " deigns to prove," ('Tis Pope's phrase) a great longing, tho' a rash one, For one especial person out of many, Makes us believe ourselves as good as any, LXIX Besides, he was of that delighted age Which makes all female ages equal — when We don't much care with whom we may engage As bold as Daniel in the Lion's den, So that we can our native Sun assuage In the next Ocean, which may flow just then, To make a twilight in, just as Sol's heat is Quenched in the lap of the salt Sea, or Thetis. 40 DON JUAN. Canto IX LXX. And Catherine (we must say thus much for Catherine) Though bold and bloody, was the kind of thing Whose temporary passion was quite flattering, Because each lover looked a sort of king, Made up upon an amatory pattern, A royal husband in all save the ring — Which, being the damn'dest part of matrimony, Seemed taking out the sting to leave the honey. LXXI. And when you add to this, her womanhood In its meridian, her blue eyes, or grey — (The last, if they have soul, are quite as good, Or better, as the best examples say : Napoleon's, Mary's (Queen of Scotland) should Lend to that colour a transcendant ray; And Pallas also sanctions the same hue, Too wise to look through Optics black or blue) — Canto IX. DON JUAN. 41 LXXII. Her sweet smile, and her then majestic figure, Her plumpness, her imperial condescension, Her preference of a boy to men much bigger, (Fellows whom Messalina's self would pension) Her prime of life, just now in juicy vigour, With other extras, which we need not mention, — All these, or any one of these, explain Enough to make a stripling very vain. LXXIII. And that's enough, for love is vanity, Selfish in its beginning as its end, Except where 'tis a mere Insanity, A Maddening Spirit which would strive to blend Itself with Beauty's frail Inanity, On which the passion's self seems to depend : And hence some heathenish philosophers Make Love the Main Spring of the Universe. 42 DON JUAN. Canto IX. LXXIV. Besides Platonic love, besides the love Of God, the love of Sentiment, the loving Of faithful pairs — (I needs must rhyme with dove, That good old steam-boat which keeps verses moving 'Gainst Reason — Reason ne'er was hand-and-glove With rhyme, but always leant less to improving The sound than sense) — besides all these pretences To Love, there are those things which Words name Senses ; — LXXV. Those movements, those improvements in our bodies Which make all bodies anxious to get out Of their own sand-pits to mix with a Goddess, For such all Women are at first no doubt. How beautiful that moment ! and how odd is That fever which precedes the languid rout Of our Sensations ! What a curious way The whole thing is of clothing souls in clay ! Canto IX. DON JUAN. 43 * LXXVI. The noblest kind of Love is Love Platonical, To end or to begin with ; the next grand Is that which may be christened Love Canonical, Because the clergy take the thing in hand ; The third sort to be noted in our Chronicle As flourishing in every Christian land, Is, when chaste Matrons to their other ties Add what may be called Marriage in Disguise. LXXVII. Well, we won't analyze — our story must Tell for itself: the Sovereign was smitten, Juan much flattered by her love, or lust ; — I cannot stop to alter words once written, And the two are so mixed with human dust, That he who names one, both perchance may hit on : But in such matters Russia's mighty Empress Behaved no better than a common Sempstress. > 44 DON JUAN. Canto IX. to LXXVIII. The whole Court melted into one wide whisper, And all lips were applied unto all ears ! The elder ladies' wrinkles curled much crisper As they beheld ; the younger cast some leers On one another, and each lovely lisper Smiled as she talked the matter o'er ; but tears Of rivalship rose in each clouded eye Of all the standing army who stood by. LXXIX. All the Ambassadors of all the Powers Inquired, Who was this very new young man, Who promised to be great in some few^hours ? Which is full soon (though life is but a span.) Already they beheld the silver showers Of rubles rain, as fast as specie can, Upon his cabinet, besides the presents Of several ribbons and some thousand peasants. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 45 LXXX. Catherine was generous, — all such ladies are : Love, that great opener of the heart and all The ways that lead there, be they near or far, Above, below, by turnpikes great or small, — Love — (though she had a cursed taste for war, And was not the best wife, unless we call Such Clytemnestra ; though perhaps 'tis better That one should die, than two drag on the fetter) — LXXXI. Love had made Catherine make each lover's fortune ; Unlike our own half-chaste Elizabeth, Whose avarice all disbursements did importune, If History, the grand liar, ever saith The truth ; and though Grief her old age might shorten, Because she put a favourite to death, Her vile, ambiguous method of flirtation, And Stinginess, disgrace her Sex and Station. 46 DON JUAN. Canto IX- LXXXII. But when the levee rose, and all was bustle In the dissolving Circle, all the nations' Ambassadors began as 'twere to hustle Round the young man with their congratulations. Also the softer silks were heard to rustle Of gentle dames, among whose recreations It is to speculate on handsome faces, Especially when such lead to high places. LXXXIII. Juan, who found himself, he knew not how, A general object of attention, made His answers with a very graceful bow As if born for the Ministerial trade. Though modest, on his unembarrassed brow Nature had written " gentleman." He said Little, but to the purpose ; and his manner Flung hovering Graces o'er him like a banner. Canto IX. DON JUAN. 47 LXXXIV. An order from her Majesty consigned Our young Lieutenant to the genial care Of those in office : all the World looked kind (As it will look sometimes with the first stare, Which Youth would not act ill to keep in mind) As also did Miss Protasoff then there, Named from her mystic office " l'Eprouveuse," A term inexplicable to the Muse. LXXXV. With her then, as in humble duty bound, Juan retired, — and so will I, until My Pegasus shall tire of touching ground. We have just lit on a " Heaven-kissing hill," So lofty that I feel my brain turn round, And all my fancies whirling like a mill ; Which is a signal to my nerves and brain, To take a quiet ride in some green lane. END OF CANTO THE NINTH. NOTES TO CANTO IX. Note 1, page 5, stanza i. Humanity would rise, and thunder " Nay T Query, Ney? — Printer's Devil. Note 2, page 8, stanza vi. And send the sentinel before your gate A slice or two from your luxurious meals. " I at this time got a post, being for fatigue, with four others. We were sent to break biscuit, and make a mess for Lord Wellington's hounds. I was very hungry, and thought it a good job at the time, as we got our own fill while we broke the biscuit, — a thing I had not got for some days. When thus engaged, the Prodigal Son was never once out of my mind ; and I sighed, as I fed the dogs, over my humble situation and my ruined hopes." — Journal of a Soldier of the 71st Regt. during the War in Spain. Note 3, page 21, stanza xxxhi. Because he could no more digest his dinner. He was killed in a conspiracy, after his temper had been exasperated by his extreme costivity to a degree of insanity. 50 NOTES. Note 4,_page 28, stanza xlvii. And had just buried the fair-faced Lanskoi. He was the "grande passion" of the grande Catherine. — See her Lives, under the head of " Lanskoi." Note 5, page 29, stanza xlix. Bid Ireland's Londonderry's Marquess show His parts of speech. This was written long before the suicide of that person. Note 6, page 36, stanza Ixiii. Your " Fortune" was in a fair way " to swell A Man" as Giles says. " His fortune swells him, it is rank, he's married." — Sir Giles Overreach; Massinger. — See "A New Way to Pay Old Debts." DON JUAN. CANTO X. DON JUAN. CANTO X. I. When Newton saw an apple fall, he found In that slight startle from his contemplation — Tis said (for I'll not answer above ground For any sage's creed or calculation) — A mode of proving that the earth turned round In a most natural whirl called " Gravitation ;" And this is the sole mortal who could grapple, Since Adam, with a fall, or with an apple. 54 DON JUAN. Canto X. II. Man fell with apples, and with apples rose, If this be true ; for we must deem the mode In which Sir Isaac Newton could disclose Through the then unpaved stars the turnpike road, A thing to counterbalance human woes ; For ever since immortal man hath glowed "With all kinds of mechanics, and full soon Steam-engines will conduct him to the Moon. III. And wherefore this exordium? — Why, just now, In taking up this paltry sheet of paper, My bosom underwent a glorious glow, And my internal Spirit cut a caper : And though so much inferior, as I know, To those who, by the dint of glass and vapour, Discover stars, and sail in the wind's eye, I wish to do as much by Poesy. Canto X. DON JUAN. IV. In the Wind's Eye I have sailed, and sail ; but for The stars, I own my telescope is dim; But at the least I have shunned the common shore, And leaving land far out of sight, would skim The Ocean of Eternity : the roar Of breakers has not daunted my slight, trim, But still sea-worthy skiff; and she may float Where ships have foundered, as doth many a boat. V. We left our hero, Juan, in the bloom Of favouritism, but not yet in the blush ; — And far be it from my Muses to presume (For I have more than one Muse at a push) To follow him beyond the drawing-room : It is enough that Fortune found him flush Of youth, and vigour, beauty, and those things Which for an instant clip Enjoyment's wings. 56 DON JUAN. Canto X. VI. But soon they grow again and leave their nest. " Oh!" saith the Psalmist, '* that I had a dove's " Pinions to flee away, and be at rest !" And who, that recollects young years and loves, — Though hoary now, and with a withering breast, And palsied Fancy, which no longer roves Beyond its dimmed eye's sphere, — but would much rather Sigh like his son, than cough like his grandfather ? VII. But sighs subside, and tears (even widow's) shrink, Like Arno in the summer, to a shallow, So narrow as to shame their wintry brink, Which threatens inundations deep and yellow ! Such difference doth a few months make. You'd think Grief a rich field which never would lie fallow ; No more it doth, — its ploughs but change their boys, Who furrow some new soil to sow for joys. Canto X. DON JUAN. 57 VIII. But coughs will come when sighs depart — and now And then before sighs cease ; for oft the one Will bring the other, ere the lake-like brow Is ruffled by a wrinkle, or the Sun Of life reach ten o'clock : and while a glow, Hectic and brief as summer's day nigh done, O'erspreads the cheek which seems too pure for clay, Thousands blaze, love, hope, die — how happy they ! — IX. But Juan was not meant to die so soon. We left him in the focus of such Glory As may be won by favour of the Moon Or ladies' fancies — rather transitory Perhaps ; but who would scorn the month of June, Because December, with his breath so hoary, Must come ? Much rather should he court the ray, To hoard up warmth against a wintry day. 58 DON JUAN. Canto X. X. Besides, he had some qualities which fix Middle-aged ladies even more than young : The former know what's what ; while new-fledged chicks Know little more of Love than what is sung In rhymes, or dreamt (for Fancy will play tricks) In visions of those skies from whence Love sprung. Some reckon women by their Suns or Years, I rather think the Moon should date the dears. XL And why ? Because She's changeable and chaste. I know no other reason, whatsoe'er Suspicious people, who find fault in haste, May choose to tax me with ; which is not fair, Nor flattering to " their temper or their taste," As my friend Jeffery writes with such an air : However, I forgive him, and I trust He will forgive himself; — if not, I must. Canto X. DON JUAN. 59 XII. Old enemies who have become new friends Should so continue — 'tis a point of honour ; And I know nothing which could make amends For a return to hatred : I would shun her Like garlic, howsoever she extends Her hundred arms and legs, and fain outrun her. Old flames, new wives, become our bitterest foes — Converted foes should scorn to join with those. XIII. This were the worst desertion : — renegadoes, Even shuffling Southey, that incarnate lie, Would scarcely join again the " reformadoes," (*) Whom he forsook to fill the Laureate's sty : And honest men, from Iceland to Barbadoes, Whether in Caledon or Italy, Should not veer round with every breath, nor seize, To pain, the moment when you cease to please. 60 DON JUAN. Canto X. XIV. The lawyer and the critic but behold The baser sides of literature and life, And nought remains unseen, but much untold, By those who scour those double vales of strife. While common men grow ignorantly old, The lawyer's brief is like the surgeon's knife, Dissecting the whole inside of a question, And with it all the process of digestion. XV. A legal broom's a moral chimney-sweeper, And that's the reason he himself 's so dirty : The endless soot ( 2 ) bestows a tint far deeper Than can be hid by altering his shirt ; he Retains the sable stains of the dark creeper, At least some twenty -nine do out of thirty, In all their habits : — Not so you, I own ; As Ceesar wore his robe you wear your gown. CajjtoX. DON JUAN. 61 XVI. And all our little feuds, at least all mine, Dear Jeffery, once my most redoubted foe, (As far as rhyme and criticism combine To make such puppets of us things below) Are over. Here's a health to " Auld Lang Syne !" I do not know you, and may never know Your face, — but you have acted on the whole Most nobly, and I own it from my soul. XVII. And when I use the phrase of " Auld Lang Syne \" Tis not addressed to you — the more's the pity For me, for I would rather take my wine With you, than aught (save Scott) in your proud city. Eut somehow, — it may seem a schoolboy's whine, And yet I seek not to be grand nor witty, — But I am half a Scot by birth, and bred A whole one, and my heart flies to my head,— 62 DON JUAN. Canto X. XVIII. As "Auld Lang Syne" brings Scotland, one and all, Scotch plaids, Scotch snoods, the blue hills, and clear streams, The Dee, the Don, Balgounie's Brig's black wall, ( 3 ) All my boy feelings, all my gentler dreams Of what I then dreamt, clothed in their own pall, Like Banquo's offspring ; — floating past me seems My childhood in this childishness of mine : I care not — 'tis a glimpse of "Auld Lang Syne." XIX. And though, as you remember, in a fit Of wrath and rhyme, when juvenile and curly, I railed at Scots to shew my wrath and wit, Which must be owned was sensitive and surly, Yet 'tis in vain such sallies to permit, They cannot quench young feelings fresh and early : I " scotched, not killed," the Scotchman in my blood, And love the land of " mountain and of flood." Canto X. DON JUAN. 63 XX. Don Juan, who was real or ideal, — For both are much the same, since what men think Exists when the once thinkers are less real Than what they thought, for mind can never sink, And 'gainst the body makes a strong appeal ; And yet 'tis very puzzling on the brink Of what is called Eternity, to stare, And know no more of what is here than there : — XXI. Don Juan grew a very polished Russian — How we won't mention, why we need not say : Few youthful minds can stand the strong concussion Of any slight temptation in their way : But his just now were spread as is a cushion Smoothed for a monarch's seat of honour : gay Damsels, and dances, revels, ready money, Made ice seem Paradise, and winter sunny. 64 DON JUAN. Cakto X. XXII. The favour of the Empress was agreeable ; And though the duty waxed a little hard, Young people at his time of life should be able To come off handsomely in that regard. He now was growing up like a green tree, able For love, war, or ambition, which reward Their luckier votaries, till old Age's tedium Make some prefer the circulating medium. XXIII. About this time, as might have been anticipated, Seduced by youth and dangerous examples, Don Juan grew, I fear, a little dissipated ; Which is a sad thing, and not only tramples On our fresh feelings, but — as being participated With all kinds of incorrigible samples Of frail humanity — must make us selfish, And shut our souls up in us like a shell-fish. Canto X. DON JUAN. C)C> XXIV. This we pass over. We will also pass The usual progress of intrigues between Unequal matches, such as are, alas ! A young Lieutenant's with a not old Queen, But one who is not so youthful as she was In all the royalty of sweet seventeen. Sovereigns may sway materials, but not matter, And wrinkles (the d — d democrats) won't flatter. XXV. And Death, the sovereign's Sovereign, though the great Gracchus of all mortality, who levels With his Agrarian laws, the high estate Of him who feasts, and fights, and roars, and revels, To one small grass-grown patch (which must await Corruption for its crop) with the poor devils Who never had a foot of land till now — Death's a reformer, all men must allow. E 66 DON JUAN. Canto X. XXVI. He lived (not Death, but Juan) in a hurry Of waste, and haste, and glare, and gloss, and glitter, In this gay clime of bear-skins black and furry — Which (though I hate to say a thing that's bitter) Peep out sometimes, when things are in a flurry. Through all the " purple and fine linen," fitter For Babylon's than Russia's royal harlot — And neutralize her outward show of Scarlet. XXVII. And this same state we won't describe : we could Perhaps from hearsay, or from recollection ; But getting nigh grim Dante's " obscure wood," That horrid equinox, that hateful section Of human years, that half-way house, that rude Hut, whence wise travellers drive with circumspection Life's sad post-horses o'er the dreary frontier Of age, and looking back to youth, give one tear ; — Canto X. DON JUAN. 67 XXVIII. I won't describe — that is, if I can help Description ; and I won't reflect — that is, If I can stave off thought, which, as a whelp Clings to its teat, sticks to me through the abyss Of this odd labyrinth 5 or as the kelp Holds by the rock ; or as a lover's kiss Drains its first draught of lips : — but, as I said, I won't philosophize, and will be read. XXIX. Juan, instead of courting courts, was courted, A thing which happens rarely : this he owed Much to his youth, and much to his reported Valour ; much also to the blood he showed, Like a race-horse; much to each dress he sported, Which set the beauty off in which he glowed, As purple clouds befringe the sun ; but most He owed to an old woman and his post. 68 DON JUAN Canto X. XXX. He wrote to Spain : — and all his near relations, Perceiving he was in a handsome way Of getting on himself, and finding stations For cousins also, answered the same day. Several prepared themselves for emigrations ; And, eating ices, were o'erheard to say, That with the addition of a slight pelisse, Madrid's and Moscow's climes were of a-piece. XXXI. His Mother, Donna Inez, finding too That in the lieu of drawing on his banker, Where his assets were waxing rather few, He had brought his spending to a handsome anchor, — Replied, " that she was glad to see him through " Those pleasures after which wild youth will hanker ; " As the sole sign of man's being in his senses " Is, learning to reduce his past expenses. Canto X. DON JUAN. 69 XXXII. " She also recommended him to God, " And no less to God's Son, as well as Mother ; " Warned him against Greek -worship, which looks odd " In Catholic eyes ; but told him too to smother " Outward dislike, which don't look well abroad : " Informed him that he had a little brother " Born in a second wedlock ; and above '' All, praised the Empress's maternal love. XXXIII. " She could not too much give her approbation " Unto an Empress, who preferred young men " Whose age, and, what was better still, whose nation " And climate, stopped all scandal (now and then) : — " At home it might have given her some vexation ; " But where thermometers sunk down to ten, " Or five, or one, or zero, she could never " Believe that virtue thawed before the river." 70 DON JUAN. Canto X. XXXIV. Oh for a. forty-parson-power ( 4 ) to chaunt Thy praise, Hypocrisy ! Oh for a hymn Loud as the Virtues thou dost loudly vaunt, Not practise ! Oh for trumps of cherubim ! Or the ear-trumpet of my good old aunt, Who, ttjfough her spectacles at last grew dim, Drew quiet consolation through its hint, When she no more could read the pious print. XXXV. She was no hypocrite at least, poor soul, But went to heaven in as sincere a way As any body on the Elected Roll, Which portions out upon the j udgment day Heaven's freeholds, in a sort of doomsday scroll, Such as the conqueror William did repay His knights with, lotting other's properties Into some sixty thousand new knights' fees. Canto X. DON JUAN. 71 XXXVI. I can't complain, whose ancestors are there, Erneis, Radulphus — eight-and-forty manors (If that my memory doth not greatly err) Were their reward for following Billy's banners ; And though I can't help thinking 'twas scarce fair To strip the Saxons of their kydes, ( 5 ) like tanners ; Yet as they founded churches with the produce, You'll deem, no doubt, they put it to a good use. XXXVII. The gentle Juan flourished, though at times He felt like other plants called Sensitive, Which shrink from touch, as monarchs do from rhymes, Save such as Southey can afford to give. Perhaps he longed, in bitter frosts, for climes In which the Neva's ice would cease to live Before May-day : perhaps, despite his duty, In royalty's vast arms he sighed for beauty : 72 DON JUAN. Canto X. XXXVIII. Perhaps — but, sans perhaps, we need not seek For causes young or old : the canker-worm Will feed upon the fairest, freshest cheek, As well as further drain the withered form : Care, like a house-keeper, brings every week His bills in, and however we may storm, They must be paid : though six days smoothly run, The seventh will bring blue devils or a dun. XXXIX. I don't know how it was, but he grew sick : The Empress was alarmed, and her physician (The same who physicked Peter) found the tick Of his fierce pulse betoken a condition Which augured of the dead, however quick Itself, and showed a feverish disposition ; At which the whole court was extremely troubled, The Sovereign shocked, and all his medicines doubled. Canto X. DON JUAN. 73 XL. Low were the whispers, manifold the rumours : Some said he had been poisoned by Potemkin ; Others talked learnedly of certain tumours, Exhaustion, or disorders of the same kin ; Some said 'twas a concoction of the humours, Which with the blood too readily will claim kin ; Others again were ready to maintain, " 'Twas only the fatigue of last campaign." XLI. But here is one prescription out of many : • " Sodae-Sulphat. 3. vi. 3. s. Mannae optim. " Aq. fervent. F. 3. ifs. 3ij. tinct. Sennae " Haustus." (And here the surgeon came and cupped him) " JR. Pulv. Com. gr. iii. Ipecacuanhas" (With more beside, if Juan had not stopped 'em.) " Bolus Potassse Sulphuret. sumendus, " Et Haustus ter in die capiendus." 74 DON JUAN. Cakto X. XLII. This is the way physicians mend or end us, Secundum artem : but although we sneer In health — when ill, we call them to attend us, Without the least propensity to jeer : While that " hiatus maxime deflendus," To be filled up by spade or mattock, 's near, Instead of gliding graciously down Lethe, We tease mild Baillie, or soft Abernethy. XLIII. Juan demurred at this first notice to Quit; and though Death had threatened an ejection, His youth and constitution bore him through, And sent the doctors in a new direction. But still his state was delicate : the hue Of health but flickered with a faint reflection Along his wasted cheek, and seemed to gravel The Faculty — who said that he must travel. Canto X. DON JUAN. 75 XLIV. The climate was too cold they said for him, Meridian-born, to bloom in. This opinion Made the chaste Catherine look a little grim, Who did not like at first to lose her minion • But when she saw his dazzling eye wax dim, And drooping like an eagle's with dipt pinion, She then resolved to send him on a mission, But in a style becoming his condition. XLV. There was just then a kind of a discussion, A sort of treaty or negociation Between the British cabinet and Russian, Maintained with all the due prevarication With which great states such things are apt to push on ; Something about the Baltic's navigation, Hides, train-oil, tallow, and the rights of Thetis, Which Britons deem their " uti possidetis." 76 DON JUAN. Canto X. XLVI. So Catherine, who had a handsome way Of fitting out her favourites, conferred This secret charge on Juan, to display At once her royal splendour, and reward His services. He kissed hands the next day, Received instructions how to play his card, Was laden with all kinds of gifts and honours, Which showed what great discernment was the donor's. XLVII. But she was lucky, and luck's all. Your Queens Are generally prosperous in reigning ; Which puzzles us to know what Fortune means. But to continue : though her years were waning, Her climacteric teased her like her teens ; And though her dignity brooked no complaining, So much did Juan's setting off distress her, She could not find at first a fit successor. Canto X. DON JUAN. 77 XLVIII. But Time the comforter will come at last ; And four-and-twenty hours, and twice that number Of candidates requesting to be placed, Made Catherine taste next night a quiet slumber : — Not that she meant to fix again in haste, Nor did she find the quantity encumber, But always choosing with deliberation, Kept the place open for their emulation. XLIX. While this high post of honour's in abeyance, For one or two days, reader, we request You'll mount with our young hero the conveyance Which wafted him from Petersburgh : the best Barouche, which had the glory to display once The fair Czarina's Autocratic crest, (When, a new Iphigene, she went to Tauris) Was given to her favourite, ( ) and now bore his. 78 DON JUAN. Canto X. L. A bull-dog, and a bull-finch, and an ermine, All private favourites of Don Juan ; for (Let deeper sages the true cause determine) He had a kind of inclination, or Weakness, for what most people deem mere vermin — Live animals : an old maid of threescore For cats and birds more penchant ne'er displayed, Although he was not old, nor even a maid ; — LI. The animals aforesaid occupied Their station : there were valets, secretaries, In other vehicles ; but at his side Sat little Leila, who survived the parries He made 'gainst Cossaque sabres, in the wide Slaughter of Ismail. Though my wild Muse varies Her note, she don't forget the infant girl Whom he preserved — a pure and living pearl. Canto X. DON JUAN. 79 ML Poor little thing ! She was as fair as docile, And with that gentle, serious character, As rare in living beings as a fossile Man, 'midst thy mouldy Mammoths, " grand Cuvier !" Ill fitted with her ignorance to jostle With this o'erwhelming world, where all must err : But she was yet but ten years old, and therefore Was tranquil, though she knew not why or wherefore. LIII. Don Juan loved her, and she loved him, as Nor brother, father, sister, daughter love. I cannot tell exactly what it was ; He was not yet quite old enough to prove Parental feelings, and the other class, Called brotherly affection could not move His bosom, — for he never had a sister : Ah ! if he had, how much he would have missed her ! 80 DON JUAN. Canto X. LIV. And still less was it sensual ; for besides That he was not an ancient debauchee, (Who like sour fruit, to stir their veins' salt tides, As Acids rouse a dormant Alkali) Although {'twill happen as our planet guides) His youth was not the chastest that might be, There was the purest platonism at bottom Of all his feelings — only he forgot 'em. LV. Just now there was no peril of temptation ; He loved the infant orphan he had saved, As Patriots (now and then) may love a nation ; His pride too felt that she was not enslaved, Owing to him ; — as also her salvation Through his means and the church's might be paved. But one thing's odd, which here must be inserted, The little Turk refused to be converted. Canto X. DON JUAN. 81 LVI. 'Twas strange enough she should retain the impression Thro' such a scene of change, and dread, and slaughter ; But though three bishops told her the transgression, She showed a great dislike to holy water : She also had no passion for confession ; Perhaps she had nothing to confess : — no matter ; Whate'er the cause, the church made little of it — She still held out that Mahomet was a prophet. LVIL In fact, the only Christian she could bear Was Juan, whom she seemed to have selected In place of what her home and friends once were. He naturally loved what he protected : And thus they formed a rather curious pair ; A guardian green in years, a ward connected In neither clime, time, blood, with her defender; And yet this want of ties made their's more tender. F 82 DON JUAN. Canto X. LVIII. They journeyed on through Poland and throughWarsaw, Famous for mines of salt and yokes of iron : Through Courland also, which that famous farce saw Which gave her dukes the graceless name of 'Biron.'(7) 'Tis the same landscape which the modern Mars saw Who marched to Moscow, led by Fame, the Syren ! To lose by one month's frost some twenty years Of conquest, and his guard of grenadiers. LIX. Let not this seem an anti-climax : — " Oh! " My Guard ! my Old Guard !" exclaimed that God of Clay.— Think of the Thunderer's falling down below Carotid-artery-cutting Castlereagh ! — Alas ! that glory should be chilled by snow ! But should we wish to warm us on our way Through Poland, there is Kosciusko's name Might scatter fire through ice, like Hecla's flame. Canto X. DON JUAN. 83 LX. From Poland they came on through Prussia Proper, And Koningsberg the capital, whose vaunt, Besides some veins of iron, lead, or copper, Has lately been the great Professor Kant. Juan, who cared not a tobacco-stopper About philosophy, pursued his jaunt To Germany, whose somewhat tardy millions Have princes who spur more than their postillions. LXI. And thence through Berlin, Dresden, and the like, Until he reached the castellated Rhine : — Ye glorious Gothic scenes ! how much ye strike All phantasies, not even excepting mine : A grey wall, a green ruin, rusty pike, Make my soul pass the equinoctial line Between the present and past worlds, and hover Upon their airy confine, half-seas-over. 84 DON JUAN. Canto X. LXII. But Juan posted on through Manheim, Bonn, Which Drachenfels frowns over like a spectre Of the good feudal times for ever gone, On which I have not time just now to lecture. From thence he was drawn onwards to Cologne, A city which presents to the inspector Eleven thousand Maidenheads of bone, The greatest number Flesh hath ever known. ( 8 ) LXIII. From thence to Holland's Hague and Helvoetsluys, That water land of Dutchmen and of ditches, Where juniper expresses its best juice, \j The poor man's sparkling substitute for riches. Senates and sages have condemned its use — But to deny the mob a cordial which is Too often all the clothing, meat, or fuel Good government has left them, seems but cruel. Canto X. DON JUAN. 85 LXIV. Here he embarked, and with a flowing sail Went bounding for the island of the free, Towards which the impatient wind blew half a gale : High dashed the spray, the bows dipped in the sea, And sea-sick passengers turned somewhat pale ; But Juan, seasoned as he well might be By former voyages, stood to watch the skiffs Which passed, or catch the first glimpse of the cliffs. LXV. At length they rose, like a white wall along The blue sea's border ; and Don Juan felt — What even young strangers feel a little strong At the first sight of Albion's chalky belt — A kind of pride that he should be among Those haughty shop-keepers, who sternly dealt Their goods and edicts out from pole to pole, And made the very billows pay them toll. 86 DON JUAN. Canto X. ; „, _ - LXVL . I have no great cause to love that spot of earth, Which holds what might have been the noblest nation ; But though I owe it little but my birth, I feel a mixed regret and veneration For its decaying fame and former worth. Seven years (the usual term of transportation) Of absence lay one's old resentments level, When a man's country's going to the devil. LXVII. Alas ! could She but fully, truly, know How her great name is now throughout abhorred ; How eager all the earth is for the blow Which shall lay bare her bosom to the sword ; How all the nations deem her their worst foe, That worse than worst of foes, the once adored False friend,, who held out freedom to mankind, And now would chain them, to the very mind ; — Canto X. DON JUAN. 87 LXVIII. Would she be proud, or boast herself the free, Who is but first of slaves ? The nations are In prison, — but the jailor, what is he? No less a victim to the bolt and bar. Is the poor privilege to turn the key Upon the captive, freedom ? He's as far From the enjoyment of the earth and air Who watches o'er the chain, as they who wear. LXIX. Don Juan now saw Albion's earliest beauties, — Thy cliffs, dear Dover ! harbour, and hotel ; Thy custom-house, with all its delicate duties ; Thy waiters running mucks at every bell ; . Thy packets, all whose passengers are booties To those who upon land or water dwell ; And last, not least, to strangers uninstructed, Thy long, long bills, whence nothing is deducted. ' 88 DON JUAN. Cakto X. LXX. Juan, though careless, young, and magnifique, And rich in rubles, diamonds, cash, and credit, Who did not limit much his bills per week, Yet stared at this a little, though he paid it, — (His Maggior Duomo, a smart, subtle Greek, Before him summed the awful scroll and read it :) But doubtless as the air, though seldom sunny, Is free, the respiration's worth the money. LXXI. On with the horses ! Off to Canterbury ! Tramp, tramp, o'er pebble, and splash, splash, thro' puddle 5 Hurrah ! how swiftly speeds the post so merry ! Not like slow Germany, wherein they muddle Along the road, as if they went to bury Their fare ; and also pause besides, to fuddle With "schnapps" — sad dogs! whom "Hundsfot" or " Ferflucter" Affect no more than lightning a conductor. Canto X. DON JUAN. 89 LXXIL Now there is nothing gives a man such spirits, Leavening his blood as Cayenne doth a curry, As going at full speed — no matter where its Direction be, so 'tis but in a hurry, And merely for the sake of its own merits : For the less cause there is for all this flurry, The greater is the pleasure in arriving At the great end of travel — which is driving. LXXIII. They saw at Canterbury the Cathedral; Black Edward's helm, and Becket's bloody stone, Were pointed out as usual by the Bedral, In the same quaint, uninterested tone :— There 's Glory again for you, gentle reader ! All Ends in a rusty casque, and dubious bone, Half-solved into those sodas or magnesias, Which form that bitter draught, the human species. 90 DON JUAN. Canto X. LXXIV. The effect on Juan was of course sublime : He breathed a thousand Cressys, as he saw The casque, which never stooped, except to Time. Even the bold Churchman's tomb excited awe, Who died in the then great attempt to climb O'er kings, who now at least must talk of law, Before they butcher. Little Leila gazed, And asked why such a structure had been raised : LXXV. And being told it was " God's house," she said He was well lodged, but only wondered how He suffered Infidels in his homestead, The cruel Nazarenes, who had laid low His holy temples in the lands which bred The True Believers ; — and her infant brow Was bent with grief that Mahomet should resign A mosque so noble, flung like pearls to swine. Canto X. DON JUAN. 91 LXXVI. On, on ! through meadows, managed like a garden, A Paradise of hops and high production : For after years of travel by a Bard in Countries of greater heat but lesser suction, A green field is a sight which makes him pardon The absence of that more sublime construction, Which mixes up vines, olives, precipices, Glaciers, volcanos, oranges, and ices. LXXVII. And when I think upon a pot of beer But I won't weep ! — and so drive on, postillions ! As the smart boys spurred fast in their career, Juan admired these highways of free millions ; A country in all senses the most dear To foreigner or native, save some silly ones, Who " kick against the pricks" just at this juncture, And for their pains get only a fresh puncture. 92 DON JUAN. Canto X. LXXVIII. What a delightful thing 's a turnpike road ! So smooth, so level, such a mode of shaving The earth, as scarce the eagle in the broad Air can accomplish, with his wide wings waving. Had such been cut in Phaeton's time, the God Had told his son to satisfy his craving With the York mail; — but onward as we roll, '* Surgit amari aliquid" — the toll ! LXXIX. Alas ! how deeply painful is all payment ! Take lives, take wives, take aught except men's purses. As Machiavel shows those in purple raiment, Such is the shortest way to general curses. They hate a murderer much less than a claimant On that sweet ore which every body nurses : — Kill a man's family, and he may brook it, But keep your hands out of his breeches' pocket. Canto X. DON JUAN. 93 LXXX. So said the Florentine : ye Monarchs, hearken To your instructor. Juan now was borne, Just as the day began to wane and darken, O'er the high hill which looks with pride or scorn Toward the great city : — ye who have a spark in Your veins of Cockney spirit, smile or mourn, According as you take things well or ill — Bold Britons, we are now on Shooter's Hill ! LXXXI. The sun went down, the smoke rose up, as from A half-unquenched volcano, o'er a space Which well beseemed the " Devil's drawing-room," As some have qualified that wondrous place. But Juan felt, though not approaching home, As one who, though he were not of the race, Revered the soil, of those true sons the mother, Who butchered half the earth, and bullied t' other. (») 94 DON JUAN. Ca.xto X. LXXXII. A mighty mass of brick, and smoke, and shipping, Dirty and dusky, but as wide as eye Could reach, with here and there a sail just skipping In sight, then lost amidst the forestry Of masts ; a wilderness of steeples peeping On tiptoe, through their sea-coal canopy ; A huge, dun cupola, like a foolscap crown On a fool's head — and there is London Town ! LXXXIII. But Juan saw not this : each wreath of smoke Appeared to him but as the magic vapour Of some alchymic furnace, from whence broke The wealth of worlds (a wealth of tax and paper :) The gloomy clouds, which o'er it as a yoke Are bowed, and put the sun out like a taper, Were nothing but the natural atmosphere, Extremely wholesome, though but rarely clear. Canto X. DON JUAN. 95 LXXXIV. He paused — and so will I ; as doth a crew Before they give their broadside. By and bye, My gentle countrymen, we will renew Our old acquaintance : and at least I'll try To tell you truths you will not take as true, Because they are so : — a male Mrs. Fry, With a soft besom will I sweep your halls, And brush a web or two from off the walls. LXXXV. Oh, Mrs. Fry ! Why go to Newgate ? Why Preach to poor rogues ? And wherefore not begin With C — It — n, or with other houses ? Try Your hand at hardened and imperial sin. To mend the people 's an absurdity, A jargon, a mere philanthropic din, Unless you make their betters better : — Fie ! I thought you had more religion, Mrs. Fry. / 96 DON JUAN. Canto X. LXXXVI. Teach them the decencies of good threescore ; Cure them of tours, Hussar and Highland dresses ; Tell them that youth once gone returns no more ; That hired huzzas redeem no land's distresses ; Tell them Sir W— 11— m C — t— s is a bore, Too dull even for the dullest of excesses — The witless Falstaff of a hoary Hal, A fool whose bells have ceased to ring at all ; — LXXXVII. Tell them, though it may be perhaps too late On life's worn confine, jaded, bloated, sated, To set up vain pretences of being great, 'Tis not so to be good ; and be it stated, The worthiest kings have ever loved least state ; And tell them but you won't, and I have prated Just now enough ; but by and bye I'll prattle Like Roland's horn in Roncesvalles' battle. END OF CANTO THE TENTH. NOTES TO CANTO X. Note 1, page 59, stanza xiii. Would scarcely join again the " reformadoes." " Reformers," or rather " Reformed." The Baron Brad- wardine, in Waverley, is authority for the word. ( Note 2, page 60, stanza xv. The endless soot bestows a tint far deeper Than can be hid by altering his shirt. Query, suit? — Printer's Devil. Note 3, page 62, stanza xviii. Balgounies Brig's " black wall." The brig of Don near the " auld toun" of Aberdeen, with its one arch and its black deep salmon stream below, is in my memory as yesterday. I still remember, though perhaps I may misquote, the awful proverb which made me pause to cross it, and yet lean over it with a childish delight, being an only son, at least by the mother's side. The saying as G 98 NOTES. recollected by me was this, but I have never heard or seen it since I was nine years of age : — " Brig of Balgounie, black's your Ka\ " Wi' a wife's ae son, and a mear's aefoal, " Doun ye shall fa' !" Note 4, page 70, stanza xxxiv. Oh, for a "forty-parson-power" to chaunt Thy praise, Hypocrisy ! A metaphor taken from the " forty-horse-power" of a steam-engine. That mad wag, the Reverend S. S. sitting by a brother Clergyman at dinner, observed afterwards that his dull neighbour had a " twelve-parson-power" of con- versation. Note 5, page 71, stanza xxxvi. To strip the Saxons of their hydes, like tanners. " Hyde." — I believe a hyde of land to be a legitimate word, and as such subject to the tax of a quibble. Note 6, page 77, stanza xlix. Was given to her favourite, and now bore his. The Empress went to the Crimea, accompanied by the Emperor Joseph, in the year 1 forget which. Note 7, page 82, stanza lviii. Which gave her dukes the graceless name of " Biron" In the Empress Anne's time, Biren her favourite assumed NOTES. 99 the name and arms of the " Birons" of France, which families are yet extant with that of England. There are still the daughters of Courland of that name ; one of them I remember seeing in England in the blessed year of the Allies — (the Dutchess of S.) — to whom the English Duchess of S 1 presented me as a namesake. Note 8, page 84, stanza lxii. Eleven thousand maidenheads of bone, The greatest number Flesh hath ever known. St. Ursula and her eleven thousand virgins were still extant in 1816, and may be so yet, as much as ever. Note 9, page 93, stanza lxxxi. Who butchered half the earth and bullied t'other. India. America. /" DON JUAN CANTO XI. DON JUAN. CANTO XL I. When Bishop Berkeley said " there was no matter/' And proved it — 'twas no matter what he said : They say his system 'tis in vain to batter, Too subtle for the airiest human head ; And yet who can believe it ! I would shatter Gladly all matters, down to stone or lead, Or adamant, to find the World a spirit, And wear my head, denying that I wear it. 104 DON JUAN. Canto XI. II. What a sublime discovery 'twas to make the Universe universal Egotism ! That all's ideal — all ourselves : I'll stake the World (be it what you will) that that's no Schism. Oh, Doubt! — if thou be'st Doubt, for which some take thee, But which I doubt extremely — thou sole prism Of the Truth's rays, spoil not my draught of spirit ! Heaven's brandy, — though our brain can hardly bear it. III. For ever and anon comes Indigestion, (Not the most " dainty Ariel") and perplexes Our soarings with another sort of question : And that which after all my spirit vexes, Is, that I find no spot where man can rest eye on, Without confusion of the sorts and sexes, Of being, stars, and this unriddled wonder, The World, which at the worst's a glorious blunder — Canto XI. DON JUAN. 105 IV. If it be Chance ; or if it be according To the Old Text, still better :— lest it should Turn out so, we'll say nothing 'gainst the wording, As several people think such hazards rude : They're right ; our days are too brief for affording Space to dispute what no one ever could Decide, and every body one day will Know very clearly — or at least lie still. V. And therefore will I leave off metaphysical Discussion, which is neither here nor there : If I agree that what is, is ; then this I call Being quite perspicuous and extremely fair. The truth is, I've grown lately rather phthisical I don't know what the reason is — the air Perhaps ; but as I suffer from the shocks Of illness, I grow much more orthodox. 106 DON JUAN. Canto XL VI. The first attack at once proved the Divinity ; (But that I never doubted, nor the Devil ;) The next, the Virgin's mystical virginity ; The third, the usual Origin of Evil ; The fourth at once established the whole Trinity On so uncontrovertible a level, That I devoutly wished the three were four, On purpose to believe so much the more. VII. To our theme : — The man who has stood on the Acropolis, And looked down over Attica ; or he Who has sailed where picturesque Constantinople is, Or seen Tombuctoo, or hath taken tea In small-eyed China's crockery-ware metropolis, Or sat amidst the bricks of Nineveh, May not think much of London's first appearance — But ask him what he thinks of it a year hence ? Canto XI. DON JUAN. 107 VIII. Don Juan had got out on Shooter's Hill ; Sunset the time, the place the same declivity Which looks along that vale of good and ill Where London streets ferment in full activity ; While every thing around was calm and still, Except the creak of wheels, which on their pivot he Heard, — and that bee-like, bubbling, busy hum Of cities, that boils over with their scum : — IX. I say, Don Juan, wrapt in contemplation, Walked on behind his carriage, o'er the summit, And lost in wonder of so great a nation, Gave way to't, since he could not overcome it. <