2015 Martial. — Ex otio negotium ; or, Mar- 
 tiall his Epigrams, translated, with sun- 
 dry poems and fancies, by R. Fletcher. 
 1656, small 8vo, old sheep, broken bind- 
 ing 25s 
 
 With the exception of the head of Martial, engraved by 
 Vaughan, which is wanting, this is a complete copy of this 
 rare volume. 
 
 2016 Epigrams of Martial, Englished, 
 
 with some other pieces, ancient and 
 modern. 1695, with frontispiece by 
 Hollar, 8vo, old calf, broken binding 5s 
 
 This translation is ascribed to Charles Cotton, the angler 
 poet. 
 
 ' o 
 
 311 Martial Epigrams: The Twelve Books 
 OF, translated by J. A. Pott, M.A., and 
 F. A. Wright, M.A., and an introduction 
 by F. A. Wright, demy 8vo, cloth, with 
 white back, Broadway Translations, new, 
 12s 8d N.D. 
 
 (Postage extra — Inland 9d., Abroad Is.) 
 
 This is the only complete translation in verse of 
 the famous epigrams. It was begun by Mr. Pott, 
 whose death in 1920 left the work half done. Mr. 
 Wright has finished it, and written an Introduction 
 dealing with Martial's Life, The Epigrams, and 
 Martial o? Poet. Apart from their literary excellence, 
 their wit and skill, the epigrams give us a panorama of 
 Roman society from top to bottom. They introduce 
 us to the all-highest, the Emperor Domitian, to his 
 entourage of courtiers and slaves, to the leading lights 
 of literary and political Rome, to the middle-classes and 
 Martial's own friends, and lastly to the more sordid 
 side of life, the scum of Rome, the adventurers, 
 informers, blackmailers, thieves, and prostitutes. 
 
 Edward Baker, 1 4 and 16 Jc 
 
 -'-5^ r^Ci- g 
 
 03 ' I — 1 
 
 412 MARTIAL (Val.) Select Epigrams, Englished, //-^?^^., 8vo, old mottled 
 
 neatly rebaeked, front, slightly shaved at side, scarce, £1 18s 
 
 32 DobeWs Catalogue of Rare Books 
 
 413 MARTIALIS EPIGRAMMATON, nova editio, ex Muses Petri Scriverii 39 
 — P. Scriverii Animadversiones in Martialeni, 1618 — Justi Lipsii, Jam Rutgersii, . 
 Pontani, notge in Martialeni, ad Petrum Scriveriura, 1619 — 3 in one vol, thk. 
 vellum, 10s 6d Lugduni Batavarum, ] 
 
 414 MARTIAL. — Epigrams of Martial, Englished, with some other pieces, a 
 and modern, front., 1695 — A Book of New Epigrams, by the same hand that tra 
 Martial, 1695 — in one vol, 8vo, contemporary calf, rebaeked, scarce, £1 18s 395 
 
 415 MARTIAL. — Some Account of an Ancient Manuscript of Martial's Epij 
 with occasional anecdotes of the manners of the Romans, by J. G. Dalyell, fa> 
 COPY PRINTED ENTIRELY ON VELLUM, 8vo, Contemporary russia, blind tooled, gilt. -J 
 £3 3s Edinl"^^^ 
 
\ 
 
Digitized by 
 
 the Internet Archive 
 
 
 
 in 2015 
 
 
 
 https://archive.org/details/indexexpurgatoriOOmart 
 
THE 
 
 INDEX EXPURGATORIUS 
 
 OF 
 
 MARTIAL, 
 
 LITERALLY TRANSLATED; 
 
 COMPRISING ALL THE EPIGRAMS HITHERTO OMITTED BY 
 ENGLISH TRANSLATORS. 
 
 TO WHICH IS ADDED 
 
 AN ORIGINAL METRICAL VERSION 
 
 AND 
 
 COPIOUS EXPLANATORY NOTES. 
 
 PRINTED FOR PRIVATE CIRCULATION. 
 
 LONDON : 
 MDCCCLXVIII. 
 
PRINTED FOR PRIVATE CIRCULATION^ 
 TO THE EXTENT OF 
 ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY COPIES, 
 (thirty ON LARGE PAPER.) 
 NUMBERED. 
 
 No. JA. 
 
ADDEESS TO THE READEE. 
 
 The Index Expuegatorius of Maetial translated into 
 English ! 
 
 What unblushing effrontery could have led any person 
 thus to uncover and expose to the vulgar gaze the foul and 
 indecent images that have hitherto been only known to over 
 curious scholars ? 
 
 By some such objection as this, we anticipate, we may be 
 met on the first perusal of our title page, and we admit that 
 it may be raised by persons who are neither ignorant nor 
 bigoted, for we cannot disguise the fact that the task we 
 have undertaken is apparently neither chaste nor cleanly. 
 
 What then, ask the indignant critic, has induced us to 
 publish such a work ? 
 
 We might be well content to rest our work on the shoul- 
 ders of our illustrious predecessors in similar labours. Eami- 
 rez de Prado (Eamiresius) wrote notes on Martial, and com- 
 mented freely on the obscene passages, and this book was 
 printed with the King's licence at Paris, a.d. 1607. Gonzales 
 de Salas explained fully and unequivocally the whole of 
 Petronius ; and the commentary of Janus Douza on the same 
 author is even yet more free. Joseph Scaliger wrote notes 
 to the Priapeia and Catullus. But why enumerate these 
 celebrated men? and hundreds could be added to them. 
 These commentaries are known to many scholars, and if 
 
iv. 
 
 ADDRESS TO THE READER, 
 
 any one lias scruples in reading sncli authors as Petronins 
 and Martial, let liim study the Prolegomena in Petroniuiu 
 of Goldastus before lie throws this little volume into the 
 fire. 
 
 Again, we might on equally high authority plead for a 
 translation of these poems of Martial for the sake of the wit 
 that sparkles so brightly through them that it almost throws 
 in the shade the indecency in which it is set. Plato com- 
 mended the reading of Aristophanes," says Milton in his 
 noble work on the liberty of the press, " to his royal scholar 
 Dionysius, and," he continues, " may be excused, if holy 
 Chrysostom nightly studied so much the same author, and 
 had the art to cleanse a scurrilous vehemence into the style 
 of a rousing sermon." 
 
 And we might well ask our objector if the irredeemable 
 sin of coarseness, the abominable crime of calling a spade by 
 its name, is to banish for ever from the world of the 19th 
 century the sarcastic drolleries of Kabelais, the humours of 
 Chaucer, the satires of Juvenal, Persius, or Swift — nay much 
 of the wit and wisdom of Shakespeare himself. In the words 
 of the saintly Herbert we might tell him not 
 
 " to grudge 
 
 To pick out treasures from an earthen pot." 
 
 But we shall defend our work on higher gTOunds than the 
 delight aiforded by a clever sarcasm or an ingenious jjuii. 
 Tiie poems of Martial, more especially the grosser ones, con- 
 tain a vivid picture of the worst side of the private character 
 of the Pomans of the age of Domitian ; and we do not hesi- 
 tate to say, that the abnormal vices of a highly civilized 
 though extraordinarily demoralized society form an interest- 
 ing and important study for the historian, moralist, or legis- 
 
ADDKESS TO THE READEK. 
 
 V. 
 
 lator, for it must be remembered that tlie vices of an age, 
 not its virtues, point out most strongly the moral of that age, 
 and these are best shewn and exposed by its literature. 
 
 The light portraits," says Hallam, " of the Court of Ver- 
 sailles, in some of the memoirs about the end of Louis XV's 
 reign, almost cause a blush at perusal, but in them we have 
 before us the handwriting on the wall, the winter whitened 
 whirlwind hushed in its grim repose and expecting its prey, 
 the vengeance of an oppressed people and long forbearing 
 Deity." 
 
 And so Martial may be said to give us a few scenes, that 
 necessarily lead to, and facilitate our comprehension of the 
 last act of the drama of imperial despotism — the subversion 
 of an empire, with a population debauched by vices that had 
 ramified into a thousand varied and unnatural shapes — the- 
 poisonous forced fruit of the infernal hotbed. 
 
 But if the historian should be conversant with the vicious 
 works of a vicious age, Cfur objector may observe that while 
 fully admitting this, such works can never be thoughj fit for 
 the perusal of the general public, to whom alone an English, 
 translation appeals. Our answer to this objection is, that 
 IMartial may be read with instruction by many whose Latin 
 has grown too rusty to enable them to read so difficult a 
 work, without applying to it more time and labour than their 
 inclination or professional occupation allows them. The fact 
 is that the learned languages do not now hold the position 
 they once did. With the exception of a few clergymen who 
 combine the duties of a tutor with those of a pfirish priest, 
 how few professional men who have left the University for 
 ten or even five years could construe Martial ? The Latin and 
 Greek languages are now looked upon merely as a means of 
 mental training, and the study of them is usually dropped 
 as soon as a man enters upon the business of life. Latin has 
 
vi. ADDKESS TO THE READER. 
 
 even ceased to hold its place among wliat are called the 
 learned professions. The University press now sends forth 
 its commentaries in English. Latin has vanished entirely 
 from the legal formularies, and many physicians now use 
 English to write their prescriptions. 
 
 But there is a superficial morality among the English of 
 the present day, which unhappily bears all before it, and 
 those who dare to write in the teeth of this bring upon them- 
 selves most unmerited obloquy ; the consequence of this is 
 shewn in all our translations of the classics. Mr. Bohn's 
 -classical series might have been a most splendid introduction 
 to the pursuit of Latin and Greek Literature, but unfortun- 
 ately when an obscene passage occurs, it is either omitted 
 vrithout asterishs or simply and purposely mistranslated. 
 
 Take Horace, for example, a book in everybody's hands, 
 Epod. viii. 19. 
 
 Quod ut superbo provoces ab inguine, 
 Ore adlaborandum est tibi. 
 
 Smart's version (adopted in Bohn's series as revised by 
 Buckley) gives " But for you to raise an appetite in a stom- 
 ach that is nice, it is necessary that you exert every art of 
 language." In this translation, the original, we assert fear- 
 lessly, is wilfully falsified, for we cannot take up any 
 commentator without finding the real meaning given. 
 Orelli is now before us, who gives " Ore, i. e. linguendo." 
 We pidl down Lemaire from our shelves, and we are referred 
 " de turpissimo isto libidinis genere" to Sueton. Tiber, cap. 
 44. Listances could be multiplied ad infinitum. We can 
 only add "crimine ex uno disce omnes," the " omnes" refer- 
 ring to all English translations. 
 
ADDKESS TO THE READER. 
 
 VII. 
 
 The monomania for refining impurities pervades every 
 English work written on Greece and Eome. Sometimes it 
 takes the form of mere omission, as where we are referred 
 in a modern work of great repute, concerning the practice of 
 singers infibulating themselves, to Ehodius and Pitiscus de 
 Acie. It is almost ludicrous for the student to take his 
 Juvenal or his Martial to study at the sea side, accompanied 
 with the above, viz : Smith's Dictionary of Antiquities. 
 How can he procure Pitiscus de Acie ? We are not here 
 talking of the Oxford or Cambridge embryo honor man, for 
 his idea is merely, " Oh this question will never be set in 
 an examination, and therefore I needn't trouble my head 
 about it." With this view we blush to say all English 
 editions of the classics are written. Need we wonder then 
 that among independent and true scholars, English com- 
 mentators are a "byeword among the heathen." 
 
 Another objection may be addressed to some expressions 
 used in our translation, but this is to confound the duties of 
 the translator with those of the historian. The latter avoids 
 all expressions contrary to the usages of the society in which 
 he is placed. His duty is to give us in a connected chain 
 the links scattered through the writings of various authors. 
 He gives us the history in an entertaining and readable 
 form, for the matter he refers us to the authorities them- 
 selves. But the translator does not put into the mouth of 
 the author the language he may be supposed to have uttered, 
 had he lived in modern times. For if a translator had this 
 liberty, he must tell us by what right he assumes that his 
 author will write in the style of Dryden rather than that of 
 Eochester ; all he is permitted to do is to turn the Latin 
 idiom into the corresponding English one. If the original 
 is coarse, the translation must be coarse, and conversely if 
 the author expresses himself with delicacy, the translator 
 
Vlll. 
 
 ADDRESS TO THE READER. 
 
 must not be coarse. Dry den often offends against this lat- 
 ter rule, in his translation of Ovid, e. g. Amores II. xix. 41. 
 
 Quo ferat ut referat sellers ancilla tabellas, 
 
 whicli Dryden translates : — 
 
 An orange wench would tempt thy wife abroad, 
 Kick her, for she's a letter-bearing bawd. 
 
 The translator who is gnilty of this is condemned with 
 no dissentient voice ; but if the author is coarse, the trans- 
 lator who turns the passage in the most delicate manner, so 
 as to obscure or falsify the meaning of the original, with 
 strange inconsistency, is admired for his skill in improving on 
 the author. 
 
 One thing we beg to impress upon oui' readers, a work of 
 this kind is perfectly innocuous. It is not of a character to 
 inflame the passions of any one who is not already too 
 degraded to be harmed by it. It is the tender half sup- 
 pressed amorousness of an Ovid, or a Moore, that seduces ; 
 the semi modest, half nude figure of vice that tempts. The 
 loathsome and degraded pictures that Martial presents to us 
 cannot excite the passions in a healthy mind, any more than 
 the naked and discoloured corpses in a dissecting room. So, 
 while the amours of Venus and Anchises as sung by Homer 
 may charm, the abnormal and degraded condition of a con- 
 firmed debauchee like Charidemus or Philaenis as portrayed 
 by Martial, can only disgust. If any one wishes therefore to 
 see how utterly despicable and contemptible is a debauchee, 
 old in vice and years, then in Martial's bitter sarcasms will 
 be found much to deter him from giving a second thought 
 to the promptings of a sensual imagination. 
 
EKUATA. 
 
 iii., line 13, for ash read ashs. 
 
 v., line 19, for though read thought. 
 17, 9 from bottom, for sodomite veaid jpassive 
 
 sodomite. 
 
 20, „ 9, after stubble, for comma read period. 
 
 — 10, after morn. foT period read comma. 
 39, „ 3, omit quotation before You. 
 
 49, '„ 4, for lover read husband. 
 
 — 10, omit comma after ahmidat, 
 52, ,, 15, for gifVs read girls. 
 
 58, „ 8 from bottom, ioY prostitued YQ^di prostituted. 
 
 Go, „ 5 from bottom, for ( ) read (-). 
 94, 2. omit comriia after hiera. 
 
rEEEACS. 
 
 * 
 
 In our addi'ess to tlie reader we have given an " apologia 
 pro in^ro nostro." Consequently we have now only to give 
 a sketch of onr literary labours in connection with Martial , 
 and a few remarks on our translation. 
 
 In 1852 we took up Martial as the companion of onr 
 leisure hours, armed with Lemaire's Notes, and the carefully 
 collated text of F. G. Schneidewin. We soon became en- 
 grossed in the study of our author, and every hour snatched 
 from our professional duties was religiously dedicated to 
 Martial. We jotted down occasional notes, and made verse 
 translations of some of the Epigrams ; but it was not till 
 1858 that we finally determined on publishing the whole of 
 Martial, accompanied by imitations in verse. This was al- 
 most ready for the press, when in 1860 a translation 
 appeared in Mr. Bohn's Classical series ; and accordingly 
 when we took our MS. to Messrs. , the eminent pub- 
 lishers, they told us that we were too late, and that our 
 book would be considered by the public quite a work of 
 supererogation. With these words the " taster " handed us 
 back our MS. without reading; it. In fact, the translation 
 of Martial in Mr. Bohn's series ought to have rendered our 
 labours unnecessary, but not only were numerous epigrams 
 left untranslated that might easily have been offered to the 
 public, but vvorse still, the occasional freeness in some that 
 
X. 
 
 rtlEFACE. 
 
 were translated was often erroneously (we fear purposely 
 so) rendered. The Italian version of Graglia appended to 
 the omitted epigrams, was but a doubtful boon to the public, 
 since that language is not much studied by us. It is excel- 
 lent undoubtedly in many respects, but is of no assistance in 
 a difficult passage, as the Latin is merely turned into Italian, 
 and no explanation is appended. This present edition has 
 been printed owing to the importunities of our friends, who 
 suggested that we should supplement the English edition 
 of Bohn by selecting for translation and illustration exactly 
 those epigrams which he has chosen to omit. 
 
 Since we fully determined to publish these epigrams se- 
 parately, we have made considerable alterations, consisting 
 mainly of the substitution of clear expressions for ambiguous 
 phrases. The prose translation has also in numerous in- 
 stances been rendered more literally, for if our reasons for 
 translating Martial at all are good, then we are bound to 
 translate him fairly and truthfully. Had we clothed or 
 castrated our author, our object would not have been attain- 
 ed. We should not then have given those epigrams which 
 have hitherto been untranslated to the j^^^iblic. If any one 
 doubts our assertion, let him look at Fletcher's renderings 
 of some of them. He attempted a decent modification. The 
 result was a feeble and unmeaning likeness of his author. 
 For similar reasons we have found it necessary to be equally 
 plain spoken in our notes. 
 
 In our verse translation we have sought to convey to 
 the non classical reader the idea and force of each epigTam, 
 in the prose to give the literal rendering, and in the notes to 
 comment on doubtful passages and explain obscure allusions. 
 
 As the verbal puns contained in a few of the poems could 
 not possibly be given in English, rather than omit them 
 
PREFACE. 
 
 xi. 
 
 altogetlier, we liave endeavoured to reproduce tlie idea con- 
 veyed by tliem as near as possible by a paraphrase or 
 imitation in our metrical version, appending a full explana- 
 tion of the originals in the notes. 
 
 In further pursuance of this plan a Latin introduction 
 containing an account of the principal MSS. of Martial and 
 their relative value, as also critical notes on the text of our 
 author, have been omitted, and the explanatory notes have 
 been given entirely in English, instead of partly in Latin and 
 partly in English. 
 
 The text we have employed is Schneidewin's last edition in 
 Teubner's Bibliotheca Script. Grace, et Rom., Leipsic 1866. 
 The epigrams will be found differently numbered in dif- 
 ferent editions, so we beg to add in conclusion, that we have 
 followed Schneidewin's arrangement throughout. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 BOOK 1. 
 
 XLVI. TO IIEDYLUS. 
 
 Cum dicis, " Propero, fac si facis," Hedyli, langnet 
 
 Protinus et cessat debilitata Venus. 
 Exj)ectare iube : velocius ibo retentus : 
 
 Hedyli, si properas, die milii, ne properem. 
 
 When you say, Hedylus,^ ''I, sliall spend,^ finish if you: 
 mean to finish,"^ my flame languishes and my lust grows, 
 weak and dies away. Bid me keep it back : I shall come 
 all the quicker, if checked: Hedylus, if you are going to 
 spend, tell me not to spend. 
 
 When, Hedylus, you gasp " I'm spending. 
 Come finish, if your meaning's ending," 
 My courage droops, and stead of mending, 
 
 My lust grows weak, my struggles end. 
 Check my ardour, and the feeble flicker 
 Will blaze : delay me, and I'll come the quicker. 
 And in a joint libation pour my liquor. 
 
 But, Hedylus, 0 tell me not to spend ! 
 
 (^) Eamiresius and many other commentators read " He- 
 dyla " or Aedyla" for " Hedyle," but all the old codices 
 read Hedyle," which is rightly given by Gruter, Grono- 
 
2 
 
 Martial's 
 
 viiis, Scriverius, Lemaire, and Schneidewin, (who gives 
 Hedyli), and most modern commentators. 
 
 ('^) Propero, "I hasten," sensu obscoeno here, "I hasten to 
 spend and so in Ovid, De Arte Amandi, ad metam prope- 
 rate simiil. Lib II. 717. 
 
 (^) Fac si facis. " Finish, if you mean to finish." These 
 are the petulant words of Hedykis, who chides the coldness 
 of his lover. It should also be remembered that Facere has 
 an obscene signification (as also the Greek ivoieiv) = " rem 
 peragere," " to finish," referring especially to the grand 
 climax. So the French say ''j'ai fini " euphemistically. 
 
 LVIII. ON THE PRICE OF A BOY. 
 
 Milia pro puero centum me mango poposcit : 
 Eisi ego, sed Phoebus protinus ilia dedit. 
 
 Hoc dolet et queritur de me mea mentula secum 
 Laudaturque meam Phoebus in invidiam. 
 
 Sed sestertiolum donavit mentula Phoebo 
 Bis deciens : hoc da tu mihi, pluris emam. 
 
 A slave-dealer asked me 100,000 sesterces for a boy : I 
 smiled : but Phoebus gave him his price immediately. My 
 penis is annoyed at this, and secretly reproaches me, and 
 makes me jealous^ by praising Phoebus, but Phoebus's pe- 
 nis gained"-^ for him 2,000,000 sesterces. Get me this, and I 
 will buy you a more expensive boy. 
 
 " A thousand pounds," I heard a dealer cry, 
 
 "A thousand, and the little slave is sold." 
 I smiled ; but wealthy Phoebus strolling by. 
 
 Purchased the boy, and rattled down the gold. 
 My prick upbraids ; the fancied slight had pained him ; 
 
 Lauds Phoebus ; and with jealousy my peace alloys. 
 Phoebus's prick has twenty thousand gained him. 
 
 Earn me but this, and you shall swim in boys. 
 
BOOK I. 
 
 EPIGKAMS. 
 
 3 
 
 (1) Meam in invidiam, "makes me jealous," &c., i.e., and 
 Plioebus is praised, so that I envy him. Simon translates 
 " a mes deioens." D. Calderini's jiaraphrase is " so that I 
 feel I am despised, and I hate him," which is very good. 
 
 (2) In Eome well-himg youths made a good profit by their 
 amours. Old men and old women employed them. Con- 
 cerning old men, see especially Juvenal, Sat. IX, and the 
 Apophoreta, (cap ii.) affixed to F. C. Forberg's edition of the 
 Hermaphroditus of Antonius Panormita, in which the learned 
 editor shows that it is a mistake to suppose that the passive 
 party derives no pleasure from the sodomitical act. As to 
 old women, compare Juvenal, Sat 1. 40. 
 
 Unciolam Proculeius habet, sed Gillo deuncem. 
 Partes quisque suas ad mensuram inguinis haeres. 
 
 Martial elsewhere (I. xxiii. and YII. Iv.) tells us his penis 
 was small, and he introduces this peculiarity very prettily in 
 this anecdote of the slave dealer. The meaning is, " my penis 
 is so small that I cannot get any money by it, therefore I 
 cannot throw away any money upon it by buying such an 
 expensive boy as Phoebus bought." 
 
 Simon, the French translator, who professes to be literal, 
 has " a thousand times has this same member procured for 
 Phoebus a rich tribute of sesterces," but this loses the point 
 of contrast which lies between 100,000 and 2,000,000. In 
 the latter case " sestiolum," a diminutive, is used in ludi- 
 crous connection with so large a sum, but I have refrained in 
 in my translation from 2,000,000 little sesterces. We some- 
 times say facetiously of a rich man, "he has got some 
 halfpence," and this is the idea conveyed here. 
 
 XC. ON BASSA, A TEIBADE. 
 
 Quod nunquam maribus cinctam te, Bassa, videbam. 
 
 Quodque tibi moechum fabula nulla dabat, 
 Omne sed officium circa te semper obibat 
 
 Turba tui sexus, non adeunte viro ; 
 Esse videbaris, fateor, Lucietia nobis : 
 
4 
 
 maettal's 
 
 At tu, pro facinus, Bassa, fiitntor eras. 
 Inter se geminos andes comniittere cunnos 
 
 Mentitiirqne virnm procligiosa Yenus. 
 Commenta es digniim Thebano aenigmate monstrum, 
 
 liio ubi vir non est, nt sit adnlterium. 
 
 Inasmucli as I never saw yoii, Bassa/ in company^ with 
 men, and report in no case assigned to you a favourite lover, 
 but every duty about your person was constantly performed 
 by a crowd of your own sex, without the presence of even 
 one man; you seemed to me, I confess it, aLucretia: yet 
 you, the while, (Oh, horrible ! ) were a fuckster.-^ You 
 dare to unite two quims, and your unnatural lust would fain 
 imitate the act of man. 'Tis a riddle for the Sphinx* 
 of Thebes to solve. Where"^ there is no male yet there is 
 -adultery. 
 
 Insomuch, Bassa, as I never saw 
 
 You join male company, nor yet, in truth, 
 lias rumour e'er asserted that you draw 
 
 In happy slavery one favoured youth ; 
 But for each duty crowds of women press 
 
 Around you, hidden from man's impure eye ; 
 I thought you a Lucretia, I confess ; 
 
 Yet meanwhile you were fucking on the sly. 
 ' Oh, horrible ! You dare two cunts unite ! 
 
 To play the man, unnatural dreams you nourish ! 
 Only the Sphinx could read this riddle right ; 
 
 With males renounced, adultery can flourish. 
 
 (') This Epigram is partly translated in Bohn's edition. 
 In adherence, therefore, to my plan, I have closely followed 
 his translation, as far as it goes. 
 
 C^) Maribus junctam, "surrounded by a crowd of ad- 
 mirers " is given in Bohn's translation, but this is intolerably 
 tame. I have given " in company with men." 
 
BOOK I. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 5 
 
 (3) Fututor, a fuckster." There is an auxesis in tlie 
 term " fuckster," applied to a woman, who ought to be called 
 a " fuckstress," but Martial calls her " a fuckster,''' to brand 
 her turpitude more signally ; and this term is specially 
 applied to tribades by Martial, for he constantly says of 
 them that they fuck." Now the Latin " futuo," being 
 from the same root as the Greek (pvraoj, that is ''to plant " or 
 "sow seed," can only be used of males operating in the 
 natural vessels of females, for by that means alone is gene- 
 ration accomplished. But since tribades imitate males by 
 their vile practices, the term fuck " is applied to them, 
 and BO Martial VII., Ep. Ixx. 
 
 Ipsarum tribadum tribas, Philaeni, 
 Eecte, quam futuis, vocas amicani. 
 
 Where there is an elegant play upon the ambiguity of 
 the word " recte," rightly," which is applied to '' futuis," 
 " you fuck," i.e. not unnaturally but naturally ; and also 
 with the word " vocas," " you call," that is, you rightly 
 call her mistress, as men call those whom they fuck their 
 mistresses. 
 
 (■^) Literally, "You have contrived to make a prodigy 
 worthy of the Theban enigma." But it is evidently here 
 metalepsis, for " Enigma dignum Thebano monstro," i.e. the 
 Sphinx. You commit adultery without a male ; and this 
 seems a riddle worthy to emanate from the Sphinx. 
 Others take it, " An enigma which we want an Oedipus to 
 solve." Others, as Lemaire, maintain that both senses are 
 involved in the line, " A riddle worthy to emanate from the 
 Sphinx, and to be solved by Oedipus." 
 
 (^) The contradictory proposition, " There is adultery 
 without a male," is the sting of the epigi'am. It is of 
 course the essence of an enigma to appear contradictory. 
 The wit of this epigram cannot fail to be appreciated. 
 Martial's ingenuity in confessing his error in thinking Bassa 
 the chastest and most virtuous of women, because no man 
 went in unto her, is a most adjuirable point of departure 
 for his satire. 
 
6 
 
 Martial's 
 
 XCII. TO MAMURIANUS. 
 
 Saepe mihi queritiir non siccis Cestos ocellis, 
 
 Tangi se digito, Mamuriane, tuo. 
 Non opus est digito : totum tibi Ceston habeto, 
 
 Si deest nil aliud, Mamuriane, tibi. 
 Sed si nec focus est nec nudi sponda grabati 
 
 Nec curtus Chiones Antiopesve calix, 
 Cerea si pendet lumbis et scripta lacerna 
 
 Dimidiasque nates Gallica braca tegit, 
 Pasceris et nigrae solo nidore culinae 
 
 Et bibis immundam cum cane pronus aquam : 
 Non culum, neque enim est cuius, qui non cacat olim, 
 
 Sed fodiam digito qui superest oculum. 
 Nec me zeloptypum nec dixeris esse malignum : 
 
 Denique paedica Mamuriane, satur. 
 
 Cestos, with tears in his eyes, often complains to me, 
 Mamurianus,^ of being touched'^ by your finger. You need 
 not^ use your finger merely : take Cestos all to yourself, if 
 nothing else is wanting in your establishment, Mamurianus. 
 But if you have neither* fire, nor legs for your base 
 bedstead, nor broken basin of Chione'^ or Antiope : if a cloak 
 greasy and worn hangs down your back, and a Gallic jacket 
 covers half your posteriors, and if you feed on the smell 
 alone of the dark kitchen, and drink on your knees dirty 
 water with the dog; I will not put my finger up your 
 arsehole, for it is no arsehole that does not shit,*^ but I will 
 put my finger in your remaining eye,'^ and gouge it out. 
 And don't call me jealous or cruel ; sodomise, Mamurianus, 
 when your belly is full.^ 
 
 Cestos, with tearful eyes, while with me lingering, 
 Often complains of your indecent fingering ; 
 
 Mamurianus ! 
 
BOOK I. 
 
 EPIGIIAMS. 
 
 7 
 
 You need not only use your finger, really 
 Appropriate the youth you love so dearly, 
 If your abode is wanting Cestos merely ; 
 
 Mamurianus ! 
 
 But if your chilly hearth's forgot to glow ; 
 
 If your vile bedstead ne'er a leg can show ; 
 
 If you can boast a vessel no more pure 
 
 Than some poxed harlot's cracked and cast-off ewer ; 
 
 If a worn greasy cloak entraps your heels ; 
 
 If a starved jacket half your arse reveals ; 
 
 — You drink with curs foul water on your knees ; 
 
 — The distant kitchen's smell your guts appease ; 
 
 My finger up your arsehole I'd not pass. 
 
 An ai'se that wants no paper's not an arse ; 
 
 Mamurianus I 
 
 Call me not harsh or envious ; but your eye 
 s' The only hole my finger cares to try. 
 I'd gouge the orb from out its socket's snuggery ; 
 Fh'st fill your belly, then you go to buggery ; 
 
 Mamurianus ! 
 
 O This Epigram also is partially translated in Bohn's 
 series, and I have followed it, as it is sufficiently accurate. 
 
 (^) Te tangi digito, touched with your finger." To 
 touch the posteriors lewdly with the finger, that is the 
 middle finger put forth and the two adjoining fingers bent 
 down, so tliat the hand might form a sort of priapus, was an 
 obscene sign to attract catamites. That this position of the 
 fingers was an indecent symbol is shown in numberless 
 passages of the old writers, e.g. Tranquil, in Calig. c. 56 ; 
 Lamprid. in vit. Heliogab. etc. When this finger was 
 thus applied, it signified that the person was ready to 
 sodomize him whom he touched. The same coarse jest is 
 used still among the lower orders. We are informed by our 
 younger companions that gentlemen given to sodomitical 
 practices are in the habit of frequenting some public place, 
 such as the pillars of the County Fire Office, Kegent Street, 
 and placing their hands behind them raising their fingers in 
 a suggestive manner, similar to that mentioned by our 
 
8 
 
 maetial's 
 
 Epigrammatist. Should any gentleman place liimself near 
 enough to have his person touched by the playful fingers of 
 the pleasure seeker, and evince no repugnance, the latter 
 turns round, and, after a short conversation, the bargain is. 
 struck. The wit of the epigram consists in this, that 
 Martial does not threaten Mamurianus with the law of re- 
 taliation, (lex talionis) but with a hea^der penalty, he says, 
 I will not put my finger up your arsehole, but in your eye, 
 and gouge it out." Hence he implies he is one eyed, for he 
 says, " oculum," and not oculos." The Eomans used to 
 point out sodomites and catamites, by thus holding out the 
 middle finger, and so it was used as well in ridicule (or 
 chaff as we say) as to denote the infamy of the persons, who 
 were given to these practices. And so we get lower down 
 Book 11. Epig. xxviii. 
 
 Eideto multum qui te, Sextille, cinaedum 
 Dixerit et digitum porrigito medium. 
 
 That is, if any one calls you a catamite, Sextillus, return the 
 compliment, and holdout your middle finger to him: Eami- 
 resius tells us it was still common in Spain in his time, (1600). 
 This position of the finger was supposed to represent the 
 buttocks with a priapus mserted up the fundament ; it was 
 called by the Spaniards, " lliga." From this comes the old 
 custom of suspending little priapi on boys' necks, to avert the 
 evil eye. Compare on this subject Persius Sat. II. Infami 
 digito." 
 
 (3) {. e. You shall not only touch the boy with your 
 finger, thus shewing that you wish to sodomise him, 1 will 
 not only grant this request, which you solicit with your fin- 
 ger, but I will give him up totally and entirely, if nothing 
 else is, etc. 
 
 (4) Mamurianus is ridiculed for his sordid and licentious 
 life. (Bohn). 
 
 (5) Chione and Antiope, names of courtezans from whom 
 Martial intimates that Mamurianus would accept broken 
 basins. — (Bohn). In allusion to the filthy use to which 
 these basins or bidets were put ; i. e. in which prostitutes. 
 
BOOK I. 
 
 EriGEAMS. 
 
 9 
 
 washed their privates after connection,, see Lib. III. Epig. 
 Ixxxii. 
 
 Curtaque Ledae sobrius bibat testa. 
 
 (6) Mamiirianus is so poor that he does not eat, and there- 
 fore his rectum doesn't perform its functions . 
 
 (7) A hit at Mamurianus, implying that he had but one 
 eye. It was a common threat with the Eomans " Oculos 
 tibi effodiam." "I will gouge your eyes out." The pun is 
 on the words " fodiam culum digito," which is used "sensu 
 obscoeno" and " fodiam oculum digito," which is not. 
 
 (^) If you were not such a miserable half-starved wretch, 
 I should not object so much to your taking indecent liberties 
 with Cestos. You want food much more than a boy,. 
 
 XCIV. TO AEGLE, THE TRICK SUCKER. 
 
 Cantasti male, dum fututa es, Aegle. 
 lam cantas bene ; basianda non es. 
 
 AVhile you were fucked, Aegle, your voice was bad : now 
 your voice is charming ; [but] you must not be kissed. 
 
 Thy mouth was useless when thy youthful charms, 
 Aegle, called lovers to thy longing arms. 
 
 Now, when old age has dulled thy gaping quim. 
 Thy pliant lips fulfil thy lover's whim. 
 
 This epigram is very difficult, for though the general gist 
 of it is olavious, it is by no means clear how much these two 
 lines were meant by the author to imply. Calderini and 
 Merula explain it thus. When she was young, she sang 
 badly, for constant copulation made her voice hoarse ; now 
 she sings well, and therefore it is clear that she no longer 
 copulates, and because her breath is foul the poet says she 
 must not be kissed, and therefore of course the imputation it^ 
 
10 
 
 MARTIAL^S 
 
 that she gamahuched men. Eamiresius however remarks 
 that abstinence does not make a good voice out of a bad one, 
 though possibly excessive copulation may spoil a good voice. 
 'The poet intimates that she had a disagreeable and harsh 
 voice while she poked, but now that she no longer copulates 
 her voice is pleasant. This epigram therefore is to be under- 
 stood thus. While Aegle was in the flower of her youth 
 she was sought after by men for the beauty of her person, 
 and yet it was reported that she sang badly, but when she 
 got too old for this work, men, under pretence that she was 
 a singer, went to be gamahuched, and since the men she 
 gamahuched wished to hide their own turpitude, they gave 
 out that they went to her for her voice, and so it was noised 
 abroad that she was a good singer, not because she really 
 sang, but because it was a cloak under which to hide vice. 
 Acutely then does Martial say " you must not be kissed now 
 that you are a good singer," for in these words he hints that 
 she gamahuched men, and therefore on account of their im- 
 purity her kisses were to be avoided ; and so later commen- 
 tators e.g. Farnabius, whose note is frequently quoted, " you 
 who were once a bad singer are now reported to sing beau- 
 tifully by those who under pretence of hearing your songs 
 •call on you to gamahuche them." Judicet lector. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 11 
 
 BOOK II. 
 
 XXVIII. TO SEXTILLUS. 
 
 Eideto multum qui te, Sextille, cinaedum 
 
 Dixerit et digitum porrigito medium. 
 Sed nec paedico es nec tu, Sextille, fututor, 
 
 Calda Vetuetinae nec tibi bucca placet. 
 Ex istis nihil es fateor, Sextille : quid ergo es ? 
 
 Nescio, sed tu scis res superesse duas. 
 
 Laugh heartily Sextillus, at the man, who calls you a 
 catamite, and hold out your middle finger^ at him (in return).. 
 But you are not a sodomite, nor are you a womaniser, Sex- 
 tillus, nor do you care about the warm cheek of Vetustina. 
 You are in none of these ranks, I confess, Sextillus. What 
 then do you do ? I do not know, but you know that there- 
 are two things left. 
 
 Laugh at the man who tells you to your face 
 
 That you've submitted to the male embrace ; 
 Sextillus, there you're past reproach, and then 
 
 To girls a Joseph, as a Lot to men ; 
 Nor for eccentric pleasures do you seek 
 
 Warm Vestustina's yielding lips and cheek. 
 No man to deeds like these can say you sink ; 
 
 What do you do then ? I know not, but think 
 Your lips could tell twin pleasures they have sipped, 
 
 Enfolded that one, into this one dipped. 
 
12 
 
 maetial's 
 
 ''Middle finger/' Vide supra, my note on Book I. 
 Epig. xcii. (2.) 
 
 There is some difference here in the interpretation of this 
 epigram. It is however certain that Martial expresses an 
 opinion that there are six modes of defiling oneself, and that 
 of these, three are as follows. 1. As in line first, to be a cata- 
 mite. 2. To be the active agent in sodomy. 3. To copulate. 
 These two last modes are contained in line third. The 
 fourth mode, mentioned in the fourth line, however, Domi- 
 tius Calderini and G. Merula assert to be " gamahuching 
 women," and they take calda bucca = vulva. They maintain 
 that the two things left are masturbation and prick-sucking. 
 But Lemaire very justly remarks that bucca merely means 
 the " cheek," that calda is a very suitable epithet, and 
 that the interj)retation of D. Calderini and Merula is 
 most arbitrary and forced, and with these remarks we 
 entirely agree and we therefore put, 4. To be gamahuched 
 by a woman. Consequently the two things left will 
 be prick sucking and cunt sucking, and thus we get two 
 vices of the same description, which is almost conclusive 
 proof of the correctness of this latter view. That mastur- 
 bation in the list of these gTOss vices should be one of the 
 two omitted, and which the epigrammatist intimates are the 
 vilest, viler even than those filthy practices enumerated, is 
 wretchedly tame in my opinion. It must ever be borne in 
 mind that throughout Martial, gamahuching under whatever 
 form was considered a more abominable vice than sodomy 
 ■either active or passive. 
 
 XLV. TO GLYPTUS. 
 
 Quae tibi non stabat praecisa est mentula, Glypte. 
 Demens, cum ferro quid tibi ? Gallus eras. 
 
 Your penis, Glyptus, which did not stand, has been am- 
 putated. Madman,^ what had you to do with the knife -? 
 You were a true Priest of Cybele before. 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 13 
 
 What, Glyptus ! cut your cock off ! Where's the good ? 
 
 Save 'twas too short to hang, it never stood. 
 Without the knife, you'd be a sexless Priest ; 
 
 You never could have woman, man, or beast. 
 
 (1) . Glyptus, whose penis had long since ceased to stand, 
 yet when made a Priest of Cybele, cuts off his member. 
 The poet says that this was a work of supererogation for as 
 his affair was useless, it was just the same as if it had been 
 amputated. 
 
 (2) Ferro, the Samian glass which they used for ampu- 
 tating. Goelius ap. Plin. XXXV. xii. Juv. Sat. VI. 514. 
 Ovid, Fast. IV. 237., etc. The priests of Cybele were 
 called " Galli " because their members were amputated. 
 
 XLVII. TO GALLUS. 
 
 Subdola famosae moneo fuge retia moechae, 
 
 Levior o conchis, Galle, Cytheriacis. 
 Confidis natibus ? non est paedico maritus : 
 
 Quae faciat duo sunt : irrumat aut futuit. 
 
 Flee from the ensnaring^ toils of the noted adulteress, 
 Gallus, oh thou smoother than the sea shells !^ Do you 
 trust'^ to 3^our bottom ? Her husband is not a sodomite ; he 
 does two things, he fucks a mouth"^ or a cunt. 
 
 Flee ere you're caught, and let alone 
 
 Joys that Hymen disallows : 
 Though rounded beauties are your own 
 
 They'll not pay for horned brows. 
 Of tit for tat from wifey's loves 
 
 Your dull cuckold is no boaster, 
 Who with slow and measured shoves 
 
 Nightly shakes his chaste four-poster. 
 
 D 
 
14 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Abhorrent of tlie' puerile sheath, 
 
 The sight his heart woukl only harden, 
 
 And, as you dare not show jour teeth, 
 A ready tongue must earn your pardon. 
 
 (1) Subdola, " ensnaring," who will betray you to her 
 husband. Compare Epig. xlix. of this book, infra. I agree 
 with Simon in understanding " moechae," of some known 
 adulteress, " de cette fameuse," rather than vaguely, as any 
 notorious adulteress. 
 
 (^) Sea shells. I see no occasion to strain the interpre- 
 tation. It simply means any sea shells which the sea shore 
 of Cythera produced, or rather, " Cytheriacis " is a mere 
 epitheton ornans. Others take it as applying to Venus, who 
 was fabled to be born from a shell. Those who prefer the 
 artificial interpretation we must beg to refer to D. Calderini's 
 commentary. The point of comparison is in the smoothness 
 of the, boy Gallus, and the smoothness of the inside of a 
 shell. Gallus took great pains to shave every hair from his 
 bottom, legs, arms, etc., and the shell is constantly rubbed 
 smooth, and polished by the action of the water. 
 
 (^) " Do you trust ?" i.e., do you think that the husband 
 will be content with the "lex talionis," and on this point see 
 my note on Book I. Epig. xcii. (2) 
 
 (^) That is, the husband will not sodomise you, but he 
 will have you in the mouth. This is the lex talionis he will 
 exact, and to which you will be compelled to submit. 
 
 XLIX. TO TELESINA. 
 
 Uxorem nolo Telesinam ducere : quare ? 
 
 Moecha est. Sed pueris dat Telesina. Volo. 
 
 I will not marry Telesina. i Why ? She is an adulteress. 
 But Telesina gi'ants her favours to boys. Then I consent. 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 15 
 
 Th' adulteress Telesina I'd not wed 
 
 For fifty times the charms the liarlot's got. 
 
 But to boys only does she grant her bed : 
 Only to boys ! By Jove, I'll wed the lot. 
 
 (^) After the last e^oigram this will hardly need any 
 explanation. He refuses to marry Telesina because she is 
 notoriously unchaste, but then he is further told that it is 
 equally notorious that she only grants her favours to young 
 boys. On hearing this he changes his mind, and is willing to 
 marry this Telesina, in order that he may have the lex tali- 
 onis, and sodomise all the boys he catches with her. So in 
 the " Golden Ass " of A}3uleius, the baker finds a young 
 gallant in the house after his wife, and he catches him in a 
 room, locks the door, and sodomises him. 
 
 L. TO LESBIA. 
 
 Quod fellas et aquam potas, nil, Lesbia, peooas. 
 Qua tibi parte opus est, Lesbia, sumis aquam. 
 
 In that you prick-suck, and drink water, Lesbia,^ you do 
 well. You wash out the part that needs it, Lesbia. 
 
 Lesbia, the gifts of Bacchus you despise. 
 
 But pricks are drained by that fair mouth of thine. 
 
 In drinking water we'll pronounce thee wise. 
 Water is used for washing but not wine. 
 
 (') Lesbia was a gamahucher, and at the same time a 
 "water drinker." The wit of the epigram consists in the 
 ambiguity of the expression " sumis aquam," which signifies 
 to drink water, and also to take water for the purpose of 
 washing the generative or^^ans after copulation. Now the 
 
16 
 
 Martial's 
 
 iiioutli of Lesbia may well be compared to tlie quim of a 
 prostitute; lie says therefore, Lesbia, thou doest well, for 
 thou doest to thy mouth the very thing a prostitute would 
 do to her quim. It must be borne in mind that Eoman 
 ladies made a point of washing their privates after copu- 
 lation. 
 
 LI. TO HYLLUS. 
 
 Unus saepe tibi tota denarius area 
 
 Cum sit et hie culo tritior, Hylle, tuo, 
 
 Non tamen hmic pistor, non auferet huiic tibi copo, 
 Sed si quis nimio pene superbus erit. 
 
 Infelix venter spectat convivia culi 
 Et semper miser hie esurit, ille vorat. 
 
 Though you have but one penny in your coffer, and this 
 more worn than your arsehole, Hyllus, jou will give it 
 neither to the baker nor to the wine merchant, but to any 
 well hung man. Your luckless belly looks on at your arse- 
 hole's banquet, and is ever wretched and hungry, while the 
 latter devours ravenously. 
 
 That penny, the last you possess, 
 
 More worn than the hole in your arse, 
 'Stead of baker or bung, it will bless 
 
 Some well hung young man that may pass. 
 At your arsehole's great banquet will gaze 
 
 Your belly, and luckless will feel, 
 When it sees, though left hungry for days, 
 
 The former o'erflow with the meal. 
 
 Eequires no comment. The point is that Hyllus starved 
 himself to gratify his pathic tastes. 
 
BOOK IT. 
 
 EPIGRxOIS. 
 
 17 
 
 LIV. TO LINUS. 
 
 Quid de te, Line, suspicetur uxor 
 Et qua parte velit pudiciorem, 
 Certis indiciis satis probavit, 
 Custodem tibi quae dedit spadonem. 
 Nil nasutius hac maligniusque est. 
 
 What suspicions your wife entertains of you, Linus, ^ and 
 wliat part of your body she wishes to make more chaste, she 
 has shown quite clearly enough in that she has provided an 
 eunuch to watch you. Nothing can be more clever and more 
 malignant than this.'^ 
 
 We all can see, unless we're blind. 
 
 What doubt torments your spouse's mind ; 
 
 We all can tell what part of your 
 
 Erotic frame she'd have more pure, 
 
 And at what game she thinks to catch you, 
 
 When she an eunuch sets to watch you. 
 
 Unhappy Linus, say what is 
 
 More clever or more cruel than this ! 
 
 (1) Linus was evidently a sodomite, and his wife was up 
 to this, and therefore provided him with an eunuch for an 
 attendant, in order that he might not be sodomised by his 
 valet. The eunuch also, as being impotent, would naturally 
 be envious of other men, and would consequently be a good 
 person to watch over her husband. 
 
 Linus is also satirised for being so henpecked as to allo^r 
 his wife to rule him to such an extent as to permit this. 
 
 (-) Literally " than she is." Eead hac. 
 
18 
 
 Martial's 
 
 LXI. ON A SLANDERER. 1 
 
 Cum tibi vernarent dubia lauugine malae, 
 
 Lambebat medios improba lingua viros. 
 Postquam triste caput fastidia vispillonum 
 
 Et miseri meruit taedia carnificis, 
 Uteris ore aliter nimiaque aerugine captus 
 
 Allatras nomen quod tibi cunque datur. 
 Haereat inguinibus potius tarn noxia lingua : 
 
 Nam cum fellaret, purior ilia fuit. 
 
 When your cheeks bloomed with the barest down,^ your 
 shameless tongue sucked men's pricks. After your vile 
 person had grown odious to the dead-cart men,^ and excited 
 the loathing of the wretched hangman, you employ your 
 mouth in another way, and carried on by excessive infamy^ 
 you revile like a cur everybody^ whose name is mentioned to 
 you. Would that so foul*^ a tongue would rather keep to 
 pricks, for when it did this it was purer. 
 
 Before your mouth was fringed with hair, 
 
 All pricks might find a haven there. 
 
 Till hangmen loathed a boy so common. 
 
 And dead cart men preferred a woman. 
 
 When gamahuche no longer paid. 
 
 Your tongue was still your stock in trade, 
 
 No more to suck, but to discharge 
 
 Its venom on mankind at large ; 
 
 On character base slurs to fix. 
 
 As once it had polluted pricks. 
 
 Oh filthy tongue, you'd better far 
 
 Be what you were than what you are ! 
 
 Q) A bitter satire on a certain person who had previously 
 been given to infamous vices, and had become a noted 
 slanderer. 
 
 (-') "The barest down," Lat. "dubia," lit. "doubtful," 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGRAMS, 
 
 19^: 
 
 i.e. you can hardly tell whether there is any hair on his cheek 
 or not, — a periphrasis for " when you were a mere boy." 
 
 (^) " Dead cart men," Lat. vispillo. They were corpse 
 bearers, who carried out the bodies of the poor at night. Some 
 analogy to the style of persons alluded to may be found 
 in the great plague of London, when the " dead carts " 
 carried away the dead poor in loads at night. Hence I have 
 retained the phrase in my translation. Hangman," exe- 
 cutioner. These two classes are mentioned to express the 
 the lowest of the low. You jDrick sucked" the vilest of 
 men, and were despised even by them. This is the obvious 
 meanmg of the passage, and I cannot but regard as absurd 
 the explanation of Calderini and Merula, " In tantum fella- 
 tionis libidinem venerat, ut mortuis non parceret," and 
 similarly of " Camificis," Posceras damnatos, rejectus a 
 ves23illonibus." That is that he sought the society of dead- 
 cart men in order that he might " prick-suck " the corpses, 
 and the hangmen that he might perform the Kke of&ce to 
 the condemned criminals. 
 
 {^) Aerugine, " infamy," literally " rust." The meta- 
 phor of course, is from iron, for when that is very rusty it 
 is worthless, so as applied to a man it expresses worthlessness^ 
 and a vicious man is said " capi aerugine." 
 
 (•5) Everybody, both good and bad. 
 
 {^) A slanderous tongue is called " evil " or " impm^e" 
 and so *^ impure man," and impure mouth " is used of a 
 prick sucker and cunt sucker. There is a pun on the word 
 
 purior," for his tongue when he prick- sucked " was not 
 so impure or so foul, though it was (in one sense) as impure 
 as it could possibly be. 
 
 LXII. TO LABIENUS.^ 
 
 Quod pectus, quod crura tibi, quod brachia vellis. 
 Quod cincta est brevibus mentula tonsa pilis : 
 
 Hoc praestas, Labiene, tuae — quis nescit ? — amicae. 
 Cui praestas culum quod, Labiene, pilas ? 
 
20 
 
 Martial's 
 
 In that you pluck each hair from your breast, from your 
 legs, from your arms ; in that your prick is shaven, and 
 covered with short hairs ; ('^) we all know of course, Labie- 
 nus, that you do this for your mistress. But to whom do 
 you offer your arse, which you shave, Labienus ? 
 
 Labienus, each hair on your bosom that grows, 
 
 On your arms, on your legs, with much trouble 
 You shave, and your belly's appurtenance shews 
 
 Like a newly mown field with its stubble, 
 Thus blooming and sweet, as the breath of the morn. 
 
 Your mistress entwines you, fond boy. 
 But you've something behind, neatly shaven and shorn. 
 
 That is scarcely a mistress's toy. 
 
 (^) This epigram hardly needs explanation. The Epi- 
 grammatist is pleasantly satirising the sodomitical Labienus, 
 on the occasion of his shaving his legs, breast, arms, and 
 privates. Now all this might be done to please a mistress, 
 but he proceeds to ask for whose sake he shaved his arse, 
 and this he could not have any occasion to do, except to 
 please paederasts. 
 
 (2) " Short hairs," i. e. the rough bristles that are felt 
 after an imperfect shave. 
 
 LXX. TO COTILUS. 
 
 Non vis in solio prius lavari 
 
 Quenquam, Cotile : causa quae, nisi haec est, 
 
 Undis ne fovearis irrumatis ? 
 
 Primus te licet abluas : necesse est 
 
 Ante hie mentula, quam caput, lavetur. 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 21 
 
 Cotilus,^ you don't like any one to take the liip bath before 
 youi'self ; what is the reason, unless it is this, that you 
 may not bathe in spunky- water ? Although you bathe first 
 you must wash yom' prick before your face.^ 
 
 Friend Cotilus, why can't you wash in 
 
 The hip bath that your comrades splash in ? 
 
 Is 't 'cause you'll not your lather mix 
 
 With creamy streaks from fetid pricks ? 
 
 If so, next time you take your tub, 
 
 Youi' lower parts you fii'st must scrub. 
 
 To give your face the first ablution 
 
 Would taint the water with far worse pollution. 
 
 Cotilus, the prick-sucker, who was so fastidious that 
 he couldn't bear any one to wash before him, is shoT^Ti to be 
 the filthiest of men. 
 
 (-) Spunky waters." Latin " irrumatis." Martial face- 
 tiously calls the water " mouth- fucked," inasmuch as it 
 washed the prick and drew off the bits of stale spunk. 
 " Imunare " is to insert the penis in the mouth of another, 
 and this seems to be imitated when the penis is put in water. 
 
 (^) The meaning is somewhat obscure. As they washed 
 their penis before their head, the water was fouled by it. 
 Cotilus dreaded water thus polluted ; let him then wash 
 himself first, only let him remember to wash his privates 
 before he washes his face. Cotilus was of course a prick- 
 sucker, and the sting is that his mouth was fouler than his 
 penis. 
 
 LXXII. TO POSTHIBIUS. 
 
 Hestema factum narratur, Postume, cena 
 
 Quod nollem — quis enim talia facta probet ? — 
 
 E 
 
22 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Os tibi percisum quanto non ipse Latinus 
 
 Vilia Panniculi percutit ora sono : 
 Quodque magis mirum est, anctorem criminis huius 
 
 Caecilium tota rumor in urbe sonat. 
 Esse negas factum : vis hoc me credere ? credo. 
 
 Quid, quod habet testes, Postume, Caecilius ? 
 
 [Utterly untranslatable. See notes.] 
 
 A story is told of yesterday's supper, Posthumus,^ wbicli I 
 wouldn't [credit], for who is to prove sucb things ? — that 
 your mouth.2 received something which sounded louder than 
 the blow Latinus^ gives the wretched Panniculus, and what 
 is more wonderful, rumour* throughout the whole city 
 assigns the foul deed to Caecilius. You say the deed was 
 not done.^ Do you want me to believe this ? Well, I 
 believe you. But what if Caecilius has good proofs 
 
 Friend Posthumus, a tale's abroad, 
 
 'Tis scarce to be believed, 
 That last night at the festive board, 
 
 Your mouth a stroke received. 
 Which sounded louder than the blows 
 
 The sorry Christmas joker 
 On poor old Pantaloon bestows 
 
 With his monstrous red-tipped poker. 
 Who gave the stroke ? Caecilius' name 
 
 Men credit with the deed. 
 You'd contradict this mouthing fame. 
 
 And say you will succeed. 
 Caecilius never did the act 
 
 You'll swear, — for more who calls ? 
 If I said he had witnesses. 
 
 You'd doubtless cry " all balls.^' 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGKAMS. 
 
 23 
 
 (^) The whole of this epigram is so full of puns which 
 cannot be rendered into our tongue that a good literal trans- 
 lation is a positive impossibility. In our notes however 
 we shall endeavour to explain the whole fully. 
 
 Under the pretence of sympathising with the unworthy 
 treatment^, Posthumus has received at the hand of Caecilius, 
 who had given him a blow in the mouth, our author most 
 facetiously exposes his vices, for though the obvious meaning 
 of " OS tibi percisum "is " you received a blow in the 
 mouth," yet the tenor of the epigram quickly suggests a 
 secondary meaning, and the whole sarcasm bursts upon us 
 when we read the word " rumor " in the fourth line, which 
 at once suggests " irrumatio." 
 
 (2) Os tibi percisum. Praecidere or percidere is used for 
 to sodomise," and catamites or those who are passive in 
 the performance are said " percidi." Thus here " os tibi 
 percisum " means " irrumatus es," that is, " you have been 
 had in the mouth. 
 
 Q) Latinus was a comic actor, who boxed the ears of 
 Panniculus on the stage to excite the risible faculties of the 
 audience. Similarly Clown and Pantaloon strike (or rather 
 pretend to strike) each other. The blow however in olden 
 times was real. It has been suggested that the word "sound- 
 ed" signifies the laughter of those who saw Posthumus mouth- 
 fucked (for that is exactly the meaning of ''os tibi percisum), 
 but I do not consider this correct. The sound alluded to is 
 of course the sound of the blow on the face, or the sound 
 caused by the suction of the prick. 
 
 (^) Eumor. There is an ambiguity in this word, which 
 means ''report "and " prick-sucking," Lat. irramatio. And 
 similarly Lib. III. Epig. Ixxiii. 
 
 MoUem credere te virum volebam, 
 Sed rumor negat esse te cinaedum. 
 
 i.e., I should like to believe you to be a sodomite, but report 
 (or prick-sucking) says you are not a catamite. Thus the 
 
24 
 
 Martial's 
 
 ambiguity of " rumor " instantly tell us what the vice was^ 
 i.e., irrumatio, or prick-sucking. 
 
 (^) Esse negas factum, " You deny it." There is an 
 ambiguity in " factum," which comes to mean " the deed 
 par excellence," i.e. the spermatic finish to a venereal en- 
 counter. 
 
 (^) Testes." Witnesses, and also testicles. 
 
 LXXXIV. TO RUFUS ON SERTORIUS. 
 
 Mollis erat facilisque viris Poeantius heros : 
 
 Volnera sic Paridis dicitur ulta Venus. 
 Cur lingat cunnum Siculus Sertorius, hoc est : 
 
 Abs hoc occisus, Eufe, videtur Eryx. 
 
 The Poeanthian hero was a sodomite and granted his 
 favours readily to men : thus, 'tis said, Venus i avenged the 
 wounds of Paris. The reason why Sertorius the Sicilian 
 cunt-sucks is this : by him, Eufus, Eryx appears to have 
 been slain. 
 
 Philoctetes, forgetful of trumpet aud drum, 
 
 To all men, the story goes, opened his bum. 
 
 Thus Venus, avenging beloved Alexander, 
 
 Made a prostitute sod of a gallant commander. 
 
 Sertorius does worse, and sure it but meet is 
 
 To assume he has sinned more than old Philoctetes. 
 
 No doubt her son Eryx to him owed his death, 
 
 (We know in Sicilia he yielded his breath. ) 
 
 And the goddess indignant thenceforth bade him suck 
 
 Those lips of a woman which other men fuck. 
 
 (i) The poet pretends that Venus revenged injuries done to 
 her by inspiring her enemies with disgraceful passions. If 
 then Venus, to avenge the death of Paris, made a sodomite 
 
BOOK II. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 25 
 
 of Philoctetes, it is probable that Sertorius slew Eryx, 
 since Venus has inspired bim with a viler lust, i.e., cunt- 
 sucking. 
 
 Tbis is of course a poetical fiction of Martial, for we have 
 no authority for saying that Philoctetes (the Poeanthian 
 hero) was a sodomite. Eryx was the son of Venus and 
 Buta, and was slain in Sicily, but by whom is unknown. 
 
 It is hardly necessary to observe that Sertorius wa^ born 
 hundreds of years after the age of Eryx. 
 
26 
 
 Martial's 
 
 BOOK III, 
 
 LXXII. TO SAUFEIA. 
 
 Vis fatui, nec vis mecum, Saufeia, lavari. 
 
 Nescio quod magnum suspicor esse nefas. 
 Aut tibi pannosae dependent pectore mammae, 
 
 Aut sulcos uteri prodere nuda times ; 
 Aut infinite laoerum patet inguen liiatu, 
 
 Aut aliquid cunni prominet ore tui. 
 Sed nihil est horum, credo, pulclierrima nuda es. 
 
 Si verum est, vitium peius habes : fatua es. 
 
 You wish me to fuck you, but you will not go to tbe bath 
 with me, Saufeia.^ I suspect there is some horrid mystery.- 
 Either your bubbies hang shrivelled on your bosom, or you 
 are afraid in your nakedness of exposing the furrows of 
 your belly,^ or your quim"^ gapes open, so that its sides can- 
 not be distinguished, or something protrudes from the lips 
 of your cunt. But there is nothing of this, I believe ; when 
 naked you are most lovely. If so you have a worse fault ; 
 you are stupid.* 
 
 Dear Sofy, as I'm often telling her. 
 
 Love's perfect enjoyment scarce knows. 
 
 To strip I would fain be compelling her. 
 But she only will poke in her clothes. 
 
BOOK III. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 27 
 
 Do lier bubbles hang slirivelled and flabby 
 
 And swell but by padding and propping ? 
 Does ber belly tell tales of a habhij, 
 
 And do stays only keep it from dropping ? 
 Does ber grotto of Venus gape slackened, 
 
 And tbe wealth of its lining bang out ? 
 Is what should be rose-tinted, blackened 
 
 By warty growths dotted about ? 
 A truce to these fancies alarming ! 
 
 Her mind, not her mould, I suspect 
 Dear Sofy I'm sure you are charming. 
 
 Your prudery's your only defect. 
 
 (1) A satire on the modesty of Saufeia, who though she 
 was willmg to he poked, would not enter the bath with the 
 poet for decency's sake. Martial assigns various bodily 
 defects as probable causes, and failing this, we are led on to 
 expect a climax, which comes out as modesty," that is, 
 ^'modesty that spoils sport," ''objects to a bit of fun," 
 " stupidity." 
 
 (-) Sulcos uteri, "furrows of the belly," the wrinkles 
 between the navel and the pubes which some women have, 
 especially after child-bearing. 
 
 (^) Quim, "Inguen," i.e., the nymphae. Our author 
 evidently disliked an open vulva. 
 
 (^) "Stupid," fatua, i.e., void of all meretricious art, 
 not up to a Kttle sportive game. " You care for the plain 
 jog-trot, et voila tout." 
 
 LXXIII. TO PHOEBUS. 
 
 Dermis cum pueris mutuniatis, 
 Et non stat tibi, Phoebe, quod stat illis. 
 Quid vis me, rogo, Phoebe, suspicari ? 
 Mollem credere te virum volebam^ 
 Sed rumor negat esse te cinaedumi 
 
 You sleep with well-hung boys, Phoebus,^ and while they 
 have erections you do not get a stand. What, I ask, would 
 
28 
 
 Martial's 
 
 you make me suspect ? I should like to think you a passive 
 sodomite, but report says you are not a catamite. 
 
 Lying with unstable pego 'twixt a brace of vigorous 
 boys, 
 
 Phoebus what's the little game that all your leisure 
 
 time employs. 
 I should guess, but contradicting rumours from your 
 
 friends, odd rot'em. 
 Check the surmise that you open to these vigorous 
 
 youths your bottom ; 
 Eumour with its hundred tongues, that tells us you're 
 
 not up to fucking, 
 Tells us that you are not buggered ; what then's left 
 
 for you but sucking. 
 
 ( 1 ) Phoebus was a prick-sucker. He did not care for female 
 society, but only for well hung men. Now, as I am chari- 
 tably disposed, I should like to give you the benefit of any 
 doubt, and though, I know that as you can't get an erection 
 you do not bugger your boys, still I am willing to believe 
 that you keep boys about you to be buggered by them ; but 
 report (or prick sucking) will not allow me to accept this 
 hypothesis, and so I can't help thinking you a prick sucker. 
 
 LXXV. TO LUPERCUS. 
 
 Stare, Luperce, tibi iam pridem mentula desit : 
 
 Luctaris demons tu tamen arrigere. 
 Sed nihil erucae faciunt, bulbique salaces, 
 
 Improba nec prosunt iam satureia tibi. 
 Coepisti puras opibus corrumpere buccas : 
 
 Sic quoque non vivit sollicitata Venus. 
 Mirari satis hoc quisquam, vel credere possit, 
 
 Quae non stat, magno stare, Luperce, tibi ? 
 
BOOK III. 
 
 EPIGKAMS. 
 
 29 
 
 Your prick, Lupercus/ has long since ceased to stand ; 
 yet you madly strive to get an erection. But scallions^ and 
 aphrodisiac rockets do nothing for you ; you derive no benefit 
 from the savory'^ of evil fame. You begin to corrupt pure 
 cheeks^ with your wealth: venery so produced lives but 
 for a while.^ But who can marvel enough, or believe that 
 your not standing stands you in so much. 
 
 Low has your manhood long lain ; 
 
 Long prominent forth ceased to stand ; 
 And madly you strive to obtain 
 
 False credit by mere sleight of hand. 
 No HoUoway's Ointment will smear 
 
 Spring bloom o'er your autumnal ills ; 
 Nor can drops aphrodisiac rear 
 
 Any hopes, nor can Old Parr's Life Pills. 
 Now the chaste by your wealth you beguile — 
 
 Make pure lips impure by a kiss ; 
 Both last but a very short while 
 
 When man provokes pleasure like this ! 
 Sure every one under the sun 
 
 With curious wonder will burn, 
 So much you should spend over one. 
 
 Who spends over none in return. 
 
 (') A satire on a certain debilitated person who had not 
 erectile power, but who left no stone unturned to pro- 
 cure it. 
 
 (2) Erucae, herbs exciting desire, either derived from 
 uro, to burn (quasi uricae), or from erodere, as it were biting 
 the tongue by its pungent taste. 
 
 (^) Satureia, savory; also mentioned as salacious by Ovid, 
 (De Arte Aman. II. iv. 15). Others read satyrea (id. quod 
 satyrion) because neither Pliny nor Columella attribute any 
 lascivious effect to savory. Improba, of evil fame, that is, 
 when we hear you take " satureia," we conclude you are 
 
 F 
 
30 
 
 Martial's 
 
 limp. So of copaiba among us ; it may be said to have a bad 
 name. If tliere is a smell of copaiba in a man's room, or if 
 copaiba capsules are seen about tbe place, he will bave some 
 difficulty in convincing bis friends tbat be is not suifering 
 from some form of gonorrboea. Pereira, spealdng of savin 
 as an abortive, says, " it bas an evil name," tbat is, it is asso- 
 ciated in tbe popular mind with procuring abortion. Anotber 
 interpretation would bave it, venerem improbam irritans, i.e., 
 exciting miconscionable passion," but tbe former is, I tbink, 
 preferable. 
 
 (^) Cbeeks, i.e., tbe cbeeks of boys. Lupercus paid 
 largely for tbe gratification of tbis speciality, i.e., to be prick- 
 sucked, for tbis was considered so filtby at Eome tbat tbe 
 boys would not do it unless tbey were well paid. 
 
 (^) Tbere is an intense satire in tbis verse, for Martial says 
 elsewbere (lY. Ep. 1.) "Nemo est senex ad irrumandum," 
 no one is too old to be prick-sucked. Here however Luper- 
 cus' lust seems to flag. 
 
 LXXIX. ON SEETORIUS. 
 
 Eem peragit nullam Sertorius, incboat omnes. 
 Hunc ego, cum futuit, non puto perficere. 
 
 Sertorius begins everything and finishes nothing. I don't 
 think he " finishes when he fucks. 
 
 Sertorius has a wavering mind. 
 
 Unfinished all leaves he. 
 E'en when he's in, and ought to grind, 
 
 He'll change his mind and pee. 
 
 Another version : 
 
 His hand at all things wild Sertorius tries ; 
 Nothing's completed, everything essayed. 
 
BOOK III. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 31 
 
 E'en when he sports betwixt his sweetheart's thighs, 
 Methinks his play is o'er before the last act's played. 
 
 (') A satire on a dawdler, for the witticism consists in 
 this, that nature does not allow the, act of copulation to 
 be left unfinished (I mean nature strictly) and all animals 
 perform their duty in this respect eagerly. 
 
 (^) "Finishes." The word is hardly used sensu obscoeno 
 in English, but in French it is a common idiom. French 
 ladies of easy virtue ejaculate with a sigh, j'ai fini ! " where 
 the less idiomatic "Anglaise" would substitute "Oh, I 
 spend ! " 
 
 LXXXI. TO BAETICUS.l 
 
 Quid cum femineo tibi, Baetice Galle, barathro ? 
 
 Haec debet medios lambere lingua viros. 
 Abscissa est quare Samia tibi mentula testa, 
 
 Si tibi tam gratus, Baetice, cunnus erat ? 
 Castrandum caput est : nam sis licet inguine Gallus, 
 
 Sacra tanien Cybeles decipis ; ore vir es. 
 
 Baeticus, thou Priest of Cybele, what hast thou to do with 
 a woman's cave ?2 This tongue of thme ought to suck pricks.'^ 
 Why has thy penis been amputated by the Samian ware, if 
 a cunt was so pleasing to thee, Baeticus ? Your head must 
 be castrated, for though you are a true priest in your 
 genitals, you elude the rules of Cybele ; in your mouth you 
 are a man. 
 
 Thou, Baeticus, of Cybele the priest ! 
 
 And still art thou by female charms allured ? 
 Thy tongue should pleasure give to men at least I 
 
 Was it for this the torture you endured 
 
32 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 By Samian ware inflicted ? wlien you lost 
 
 All tliat proclaimed tliee man, if still you seek 
 That cave, when on lust's ocean tempest tossed. 
 
 Thy tongue, oh Baeticus, thy lips, thy cheek, 
 Thy head, must pay the penalty of love. 
 
 For thy virility was not contained 
 Beneath thy vestments only, but above. 
 
 In sacred rites, thy virile blood drops stained 
 The earth, and left thee priest indeed in name. 
 But man in actions, as thy lips proclaim. 
 
 . (^) A satire on Baeticus, who was a priest of Cybele, and 
 a cunt-sucker. It is marvellous that you suffered your 
 prick to be amputated when a woman's privates were so 
 agreeable to yoa; and now that you have to be initiated into 
 the sacred rites of Cybele, you must submit to your head 
 being cut off, for you perform the same office with it as 
 the penis. Baeticus had been castrated and made a priest 
 of Cybele, but he gamahuched women, so since he " woman- 
 ised" in a certain sense, he was a man, which the sacerdotal 
 laws of Cybele forbade. 
 
 (2) Barathro, cave or abyss. Euphemism for " cunt." 
 
 (^) You ought to suck pricks that you may not seem to 
 be a man who goes after women for the purpose of gama- 
 huching them. 
 
 LXXXVIII. TO TWO BROTHERS, GAMAHUCHERS. 
 
 Sunt gemini fratres, diversa sed inguina lingunt. 
 Dicite, dissimiles sunt magis, an similes ? 
 
 These are twin brothers,^ but they gamahuche diff'erent 
 kinds of generative organs. Say are they more unlike or 
 more like each other on this account ? 
 
BOOK III. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 Brothers in taste, as twins the eye they strike, 
 
 To either sex in dirty reverence lean. 
 Differently dirty, are they more unlike 
 
 Than like, because indifferently clean ? 
 
 (^) The poet jocosely proposes, as it were an enigma, the 
 question whether two brothers are more unlike or more 
 like each other, the one being a prick sucker and the other 
 a cunt sucker. For since they bestowed their favours on 
 different affairs, there might be some doubt of it, though they 
 agreed wonderfully well in both being gamahuchers. The 
 facetiousness lies in the double resemblance of these worthies, 
 Tiz., in outward appearance and in morality. Great simi- 
 larity in twins was also much admired in Eome. 
 
 XCVI. TO GAEGILIUS. 
 
 Lingis, non futuis meam puellam 
 Et garris quasi moechus et fututor. 
 Si te prendero, Gargili, tacebis. 
 
 You gamahuche, you do not poke my woman, and you' 
 brag about it as if you were her gallant and a fuckster. IfT 
 I catch you at it Gargilius, you will hold your tongue, i 
 
 You gamahuche the girl I love. 
 And give her not the manly shove, 
 Yet brag about the deed you've done. 
 As if you were a fucktious one ; 
 But if I catch you at the trick, 
 I'll stop your talking with my prick, 
 
 (^) You will hold your tongue, that is, I will put my 
 penis in your mouth, and so gag it. The idea is that Mar-- 
 tial will demand the lex talionis. 
 
34 
 
 maetial's 
 
 XCVII. TO SABELLUS. 
 
 Sit cuius tibi quam macer requiris ? 
 Paedicare potes, Sabelle, culo. 
 
 Do you ask how lean your arse is, Sabellus You can 
 bugger with your arse, Sabellus. 
 
 You ask if your arse is defined ; 
 
 Why Sabellus, it's really so thin, 
 That if it were up my behind, 
 
 I should not perceive it were in. 
 
 (1) A lean arse was considered a great defect among the 
 ancients. Just above, in Epigram xciii. of this book, we 
 have : 
 
 Et anatis habeas orthopygium macrae." 
 
 The orthopygium being the narrowest and lowest part 
 of the chine. It was the end of the spine, where the ver- 
 tebrae terminate, the extremity of the whole spine joining 
 on to the " os sacrum," and immediately above the anus. 
 It somewhat resembles the episcopal mitre. The idea in 
 our epigram is : " You are so lean that your orthopygium 
 projects like a prick, and you could actually commit sodomy 
 with it." A lean arse was equally disKked in women, hence 
 Horace speaks of a deformed woman as " Depygis." 
 
EPIGKAMS. 
 
 35 
 
 BOOK IV. 
 
 XLVIII. TO PAPILUS. 
 
 Percidi gaudes, percisus, Papile, ploras. 
 
 Cur, quae vis fieri, Papile, facta doles ? 
 Poenitet obscenae pruriginis ? an magis illud 
 
 Pies, quod percidi, Papile, desieris ? 
 
 You rejoice in being sodomised : when you bave been 
 sodomised, Papilus,^ you weep. Wby, Papilus, do you 
 grieve for what you desire to be done ? Are you ashamed 
 of your filthy lust, or do you rather grieve because you still 
 long to be sodomised, Papilus ? 
 
 What ! want to be buggered, and cry when it's done ! 
 
 Here clear contradictions seem blended ! 
 Do you grieve that the sodding was ever begun, 
 
 Or lament that the pleasure is ended ? 
 
 (^) The epigram is addressed to Papilus, a catamite, who 
 desired to be sodomised, and then, when he had been 
 sodomised, wept. The poet derisively asks, what was the 
 reason of his grief; whether he was sorry for having 
 suffered himself to commit such filthy practices, or whether 
 his grief arose from the fact that his rectum was no longer 
 titillated by a penis. 
 
36 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Aristotle remarks that "Omne animal post coitum est 
 triste." This cannot arise from a sense of shame, for animals 
 have not this feeling. Why, then is it so ? From the 
 intense excitement, which is naturally followed by a depres- 
 sion of spirits. Martial, however facetiously gives another 
 explanation, that his grief arose because it was all oven 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 37 
 
 BOOK VI. 
 
 XXXVI. TO PAPILUS. 
 
 Mentnla tarn magna est, quantus tibi, Papile, nasus, 
 Ut possis, quotiens arrigis, olfacere. 
 
 Your penis is so large, and your nose so long, Papilus? 
 that wlien you have an erection, you can smell it. 
 
 Your nose is such a lengthy nose ; 
 
 Your prick, v^^hen fancies swell it, 
 To such divine dimensions grows. 
 
 You need'nt stoop to smell it. 
 
 A satire on Papilus who had a long nose and a large 
 prick, the meaning of which is sufficiently obvious. U 
 
 XXXVII. TO CHARINUS, A CATAMITE. 
 
 Secti podicis usque ad umbilicum 
 Nullas relliquias habet Charinus, 
 Et prurit tamen usque ad umbilicum. 
 0 quanta scabie miser laborat ! 
 Culum non habet, est tamen cinaedus. 
 
 Charinus with his arsehole split up to his navel, has 
 nothing left of it, and yet he is lascivious up to the navel, 
 
 G 
 
38 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Oh, how horribly is the wretoh afflicted I He has no 
 arsehole, and yet he is a catamite. 
 
 Cracked is the very foundation 
 
 Of joys that Charinus must mourn, 
 Still worshipped in deep adoration, 
 
 Tho' the seat of enjoyment is gone ; 
 No more blessings the gods dream of granting, 
 
 With curses the poor wretch enclasp, 
 Leaving luckless Charinus still panting 
 
 For pleasures he's no power to grasp. 
 
 Charinus was a catamite, and in consequence of the exces- 
 sive relaxation of the sphincter ani, or rather perhaps the 
 rupture of it, there was simply one gigantic chasm, as deep 
 as from the pubes to the navel, i.e. about the length of a 
 good-sized penis. Consequently being sodomised could no 
 longer be a pleasure to him from the absence of friction, 
 and yet he was filled with lustful desires. Imagine then, 
 says Martial, how horrible the state of Charinus, to have all 
 the desire for passive sodomy, yet be unable to gratify this 
 letch, which all men, old and young, strong and weak, can 
 indulge in. 
 
 LVI. TO CHAEIDEMUS. 
 
 Quod tibi crura rigent setis et pectora villis, 
 Verba putas famae te, Charideme, dare ? 
 
 Extirpa, mihi crede, j^ilos de corpore toto 
 Teque pilare tuas testificare nates. 
 
 *' Quae ratio est ?" inquis ; scis multos dicer e multa 
 Fac paedicari te, Charideme, putent. 
 
 Because your thighs are rough and hairy, and your breast 
 shaggy, do you think, CharideuiuS;' that you give the lie to 
 
BOOK VI, 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 S9 
 
 rumour? Pluck out, believe me, the hairs from 3^our 
 whole body and show that you shave your buttocks. 
 " Why ?" say you. " You know that many'^ men say many 
 things ; make^ them think that you are sodomised, Chari- 
 demus. 
 
 Since your visage gives rumour the lie 
 
 And your chest and limbs rough as a mat. 
 You think you may rumour defy 
 
 And men won't suspect what you're at. 
 To vanquish an ill name, a man 
 
 Must be with half victories content : 
 Flat denials are useless, his plan 
 
 Is to throw prying friends off the scent. 
 Shave your arsehole as smooth as your tongue, 
 
 Thus draw men's attention to it ; 
 To prove speech the sole use of the one, 
 
 Tell them t'other's not only to shit. 
 
 ^ Charidemus in order to show that he was not addicted to 
 effeminate habits, boasted his hirsute and manly limbs. 
 But the poet hints that there are other members that can 
 be prostituted to vicious habits. Now, if he shaved his 
 body, it would give rise to the suspicion that he was a cata- 
 mite. But his real specialite was far less venial than this, 
 i.e. he gamahuched. Charidemus is a name that signifies 
 one who courts the good opinion of the world. By your 
 " rough and hairy thighs" you hope to appear manly and 
 to give the lie to your unmanly pursuits. 
 
 2 "Many men say many things," i.e. there are various 
 rumours as to the nature of your letch, and people are 
 always talking about it. 
 
 2 Make people think you are a catamite, this will throw 
 them off the scent, and they will not discover that you are 
 guilty of a far more horrible vice, that is, that you are a 
 gamahucher. 
 
40 
 
 MARTIAL^S 
 
 LXXXI. TO CHAEIDEMUS. 
 
 Iratus tanqnam populo, Charideme, lavaris : 
 
 Ingnina sic toto subluis in solio. 
 Nec caput hie vellem sic te, Cliarideme, lavare ; 
 
 Et caput, ecce, lavas : inguina malo laves. 
 
 You batlie yourself, Charidemus,^ as if you were wrotK^ 
 with the world ; so thoroughly do you wash your penis in 
 the whole of the tub. Nor would I have you wash your 
 face therein, and lo ! you plunge it in : I would rather you 
 washed your penis [than your head]. 
 
 What malice moves you that you take delight 
 
 In scattering your washings left and right ? 
 
 There's not a single spot in all the tub, 
 
 In which you have not given John a rub. 
 
 Yet where I'm going to bathe, I'd far more dread 
 
 To see you wash that dirtier thing — your head. 
 
 (1) Charidemus gamahuched (whether men or women of 
 both, is not mentioned), and the sting of this epigram is, 
 that his mouth was fouler than his penis : the idea being 
 that as he received within the lips the produce of some 
 dozen generative organs, his mouth contained the fetid 
 flavors of a variety of private parts, whereas in the case of 
 his penis there was only one polluting principle. 
 
 (^) " Wroth." That is, as if you took a vicious pleasure 
 in annoying those who bathe after you by thus defiling the 
 water. 
 
EPIGllAMS. 
 
 41 
 
 BOOK VIi; 
 
 XVIII. TO GALLA. 
 
 Cum tibi sit fades, de qua nec femina possit 
 
 Dicere, cum corpus nulla litura notet, 
 Cur te tarn rarus cupiat repetatque fututor, 
 
 Miraris ? Yitium est non leve, Galla, tibi. 
 Access! quotieiis ad opus mixtisque movetur 
 
 Inguiiiibus cunnus, non tacet, ipsa taces. 
 Di facerent, ut tu loquereris et ille taceret : 
 
 Offender cunni garrulitate tui. 
 Pedere te vellem : namque lioc nec inutile dicit 
 
 Symmachus et risum res movet ista semel. 
 Quis ridere potest fatui poppysmata cunni ? 
 
 Cum sonat bic, cui non mentula mensque cadit ? 
 Die aliquid saltern clamosoque obstrepe cunno, 
 
 Et si adeo muta es, disce vel inde loqui. 
 
 Seeing tbat you bave a face witb wbicb no woman 
 would compare^ ber own ; seeing tbat no blemisb^ mars 
 your body, you ask witb wonder wby tbe lover so seldom 
 desires you, and wby be so seldom repeats bis visits. 
 Your fault is no ligbt one, Galla. As often as I come to tbe 
 scratcb, and we heave witb our blended privates, your 
 cunt is not silent^ ; you are. Would to heaven tbat you 
 might speak, and this hold its peace. I am offended at the 
 noisiness of your cunt. I would rather you farted, for 
 
42 
 
 mahttal's 
 
 Symmaolius maintains that this is of some utility, and the 
 very thing makes one laugh. Who can laugh at the flop- 
 ping sound^ of a stupid cunt ? when this strikes its note, 
 whose prick and spirits do not droop ? Say something at 
 any rate, and gag your clamorous quim, and if you are so 
 silent take a lesson in eloquence from it. 
 
 Oh Galla ! with thy charming face 
 
 No woman durst her own compare, 
 Thy every movement's full of grace, 
 
 No blemish mars thy body fair ! 
 Yet seldom lovers thee desire, 
 
 And if one once enjoys thy charms, 
 Why feels he not again love's fire. 
 
 Why hastes not back to seek thy arms ? 
 No trifling fault is thine, I say, 
 
 Oh Galla ! when in amorous joys 
 We heave our blended limbs in play, 
 
 Thy cunt emits a senseless noise : 
 It is not silent, but thou art — ■ 
 
 Ah, would it held its peace awhile. 
 If Galla thou did'st merely fart, 
 
 Far better that, t' would raise a smile. 
 If Symmachus can be believed, 
 
 Some use is found in such slight slips. 
 But who can smile, and not be grieved 
 
 When senseless privates smack their lips ? 
 When this is heard, the spirits flag. 
 
 And pricks resolve to inert matter : 
 Galla, thy noisy privates gag, 
 
 Or from them teach thy tongue to chatter. 
 
 (^) No woman would compare." No woman however 
 jealous can point out a single defect in you. No woman 
 would pretend to be your equal, much less think herself 
 more beautiful than you. 
 
BOOK VII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 43 
 
 (2) Some commentators explain this to mean that there 
 is no occasion for her to conceal artificially the wrinkles on 
 her belly, since there were none. After child-bearing (as 
 we learn iroui an amusing dissertation in Bayle's Dictionary, 
 by the way, among other works), women often have 
 wrinkles at the extremity of the belly, near the mens 
 veneris and the groia ; and some women naturally. This 
 seems especially to have displeased the classical connois- 
 seurs. However I am inclined to think that this interpreta- 
 tion is a little forced, and I prefer to take it simply to mean 
 that she was faultless. 
 
 (^) I do not exactly know what Martial means by Galla's 
 affair not being silent, and the commentators do not lend 
 me any assistance. The following is suggested as a probable 
 explanation. When women have the whites or any vaginal 
 discharge, whether from weakness or want of cleanliness, 
 an excess of moisture arises, and there is as it were a slight 
 
 flopping" sound similar to that which arises when a woman 
 is poked a second time straight off without withdrawing 
 the penis, and both these sounds are similar to the noise 
 that can be made by putting the finger between the lips and 
 moving it backward and forward. For the rest, it is as 
 clear as the noonday, that Galla was a wretched " performer," 
 and lay like a " sack of sand" as the phrase goes. And 
 more, she never even feigned pleasure by ejaculating " oh's 
 and ah's," and sighs, etc. This seems to have been highly 
 gratifjdng to our forefathers. Juvenal mentions the women 
 sighing out Zwt) kul \pvxv, " life? ^ly soul," and now-a- 
 days French women of pleasure are more loquacious than 
 English ones and they cry out. voluptuously in mediis rebus, 
 " Oh mon cher, quel plaisir !" 
 
 (^) Poppysma is any blandishment (applied to the patting 
 of horses not yet broken in, in order to make them quiet,) 
 used to gam a favour from anybody, so we say metaphori- 
 cally, " Pat him on the back, and you can get anything out 
 of him." Poppi/sma is properly used as applied to the 
 sound which is made when the mouth is pressed close and 
 the lips come into contact sharply, as happens also when 
 
Martial's 
 
 any one is kissed amorously, or greedily, if we may use such 
 an expression. Tke sting in the satire is this. The 
 Foppysma which you ought to make with your lips, i.e. in 
 kissing me amorously, is transferred to your cunt, and calls . 
 up unpleasant ideas which are apt to relax my energies. 
 
 XXXV. TO LAECANIA. 
 
 Inguina succinctus nigra tibi servus aluta 
 
 Stat, quotiens calidis tota foveris aquis. 
 Sed mens, ut de me taceam, Laecania, servus 
 
 ludaeum nuda sub cute pondus habet, 
 Sed nudi tecum iuvenesque senesque lavantur. 
 
 An sola est servi mentula vera tui ? 
 Ecquid femineos sequeris, matrona, recessus, 
 
 Secretusque tua, cunne, lavaris aqua ? 
 
 Your slave stands by your side with his privates care- 
 fully bound with a black leather pouch^ whenever you 
 bathe your entire person in warm water. But my slave, 
 Laecania, not to mention myself, does not keep his appen- 
 dages, like a Jew,2 mider cover. But we, both young and 
 old, take our bath naked with you. Has your slave alone 
 got a reap prick ? Are you so prudish a matron as to retire 
 to the women's private chamber, and do you, cunny, bathe 
 secretly in what you keep entirely for yourself.^ 
 
 Your slave keeps his place by your side 
 
 With his privates all safe hid away, 
 When you in the bath's tepid tide 
 
 Your naked attractions display ; 
 My slave, not to mention yours truly, 
 
 Never hides from the company's view, 
 That appendage surnamed the miruly, 
 
 As a Jewish apostate might do ; 
 
BOOK VII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 45 
 
 And with yon, surely, every one swims, 
 
 And common to all are the waves 
 That kiss and play over your limbs ; 
 
 Is the only true prick, then, your slave's ? 
 Do you from a matron's reserve 
 
 To a private apartment resort, 
 Or in streams that you strictly preserve. 
 
 Oh cunt ! don't you secretly sport ? 
 
 (^) Laecania, when she went to the bath, ordered her 
 slave to wait upon her with his drawers on, contrary to the 
 usual habits of the Eomans. Now as others all bathed in a 
 state of nudity promiscuously with the women, among 
 whom was Laecania, her orders could not have been given 
 (as she would have us believe), from modesty. What then 
 is the real reason ? Why, she was a woman of such insa- 
 tiate passions, that she was afraid her slave would expend 
 his energies on other women. And this is clearly shewn at 
 the end of the epigram, for Martial sarcastically observes, 
 you sneak off into some private room, and there your cunt 
 takes a secret bath in that spend, one di'op of which it 
 grudges to run the risk of losing. Leather pouch — Aluta. 
 something that conceals the genitals. From this epigram, 
 as well as from other passages, it appears that appliances 
 were used which restrained the penis "from active service." 
 This question is fally discussed in the note on Epigram 
 Ixxxii. of this Book, to which we refer our readers. 
 
 (-) Persons known to be Jews were heavily fined ; they 
 generally therefore wore di'awers to conceal their circum- 
 cised state. See infra, Ep. Iv. 
 
 (3) That is, as Lemaire suggests, " is your slave alone a 
 real man ! Compare Epig. Iviii. of this Book, " It is diffi- 
 cult, Galla, to marry a real man." Thus a real or true 
 prick means here a prick that keeps to the straight and 
 narrow path of cunt and doesn't wander into mouths, arse- 
 holes, navels, armpits or " where you will." 
 
 II 
 
46 
 
 MAKTIAL'S 
 
 (^) Quite literally, " And do you, cunt, batlie in secret in 
 your own water," that is, of course, "you are privately 
 fucked by 3^our slave, whose energies you reserve entirely 
 to yourself." 
 
 LV. TO CHEESTUS. 
 
 Nulli niunera, Chreste. si remittis, 
 
 Nec nobis dederis remiserisque ; 
 
 Credani te satis esse liberalem. 
 
 Sed si reddis A|)icio Lupoque 
 
 Et Gallo Titioque Caesioque, 
 
 Linges non niihi, — nam proba et pusilla est,-— > 
 
 Sed quae de Solymis venit perustis 
 
 Damnatam modo mentulara tributis. 
 
 If you make no one any return for presents, Chrestus,^ 
 and have neither given or made any return to me, I will 
 consider you fairly liberal. But if you give presents to 
 Apicius,^ and Lupus, and Gallus, and Titius, and Caesius ; 
 you shall not suck my pego (for it is honourable and small 
 withal) but that of my slave, who came here when Jeru- 
 salem was burnt, and which has lately been condemned to 
 pay the tribute.^ 
 
 If you get all you can from your friends, 
 
 Nor requite with a " thank you," or smile. 
 When like treatment my presents attends, 
 
 Your behaviour, believe me, shan't rile : 
 But if Gallus and others you use 
 
 With your lips and your tongue to repay. 
 Both I and my prick must refuse 
 
 To receive the same favours as they : 
 For m}^ pego is small and intact, 
 
 Let my slave's, if you like this provision, 
 
BOOK VII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS, 
 
 47 
 
 Who came here when Salem was sacked, 
 Fill your chops up with his circumcision : 
 
 Already it's seen evil days, 
 
 First sliced and then taxed for a Jew, 
 
 So I think no objection he'll raise, 
 To a gamahuche even from you. 
 
 (^) Chrestus has received presents from me and has given 
 me nothing in return, but he has paid in full mouth fuckers, 
 who have made him presents, hy sucking their pricks, 
 satisfy my debt then, says Martial, not by sucking my prick 
 but that of my slave, who is a Jew. 
 
 (^) Apicius, etc., names of men whom Chrestus gama- 
 huched. 
 
 (^) Domitian levied a tribute on Jews. Many to escape 
 paying this tax, said they were not Jews, and in cases of 
 doubt, they were forthwith " examined," and so, if they 
 were circumcised, they were discovered and made to pay. 
 Facetiously therefore does Martial say the prick was con- 
 demned to pay tribute. 
 
 LVIII. TO GALLA. 
 
 lam sex aut septem nupsisti, Galla, cinaedis, 
 
 Dum coma te nimium pexaque barba iuvat. 
 Deinde experta latus madidoque simillima lore 
 
 Inguina nec lassa stare coacta manu, 
 Deseris imbelles thalamos mollemque maritum 
 
 Rursus et in similes decidis usque toros. 
 Quaere aliquem Curios semper Fabiosque loquentem, 
 
 Hirsutum et dura rusticitate trucem. 
 Invenies : sed habet tristis quoque turba cinaedos : 
 
 Difficile est vero nubere, Galla, viro. 
 
48 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 Tliou hast already led to the nuptial couch, six or seven 
 catamites, Galla ■} seduced by their delicate coiffure and 
 combed beard. Having thus tried loins and pricks resem- 
 bling soaked leather, which could not be made to stand by 
 all the efforts of the wearied hand, thou desertest the 
 effeminate bed and the pathic husband, and yet thy couch^ 
 IS not more blessed. Look out for some one rough and 
 unpolished as the Curii and Fabii, and fierce in his uncouth 
 rudeness, you will find one, but even this stern crew has 
 its catamites. It is difficult, Galla, to marry a real man.^ 
 
 Galla already to your nuptial bed, 
 I\ill six or seven catamites you've led 
 
 Charmed with the curling locks and well trimmed 
 chin : 
 
 But wearied fingers try without effect 
 To raise priapus, leather like, erect. 
 
 Or kindle strength those feeble loins within. 
 Disgusted, you desist from such as these, 
 Nor longer try effeminates to please. 
 
 Desert the girlish spouse, the perfumed bed, 
 Yet meet no better fortune. Try one rough 
 As Curii or Fabii, harsh and tough, 
 
 Fierce and uncouth, unpolished, in their stead : 
 You'll find a lover of this class, 'tis true, 
 Yet still suspect, nor with too hopeful view 
 
 His hairy breast and large proportions scan, 
 For catamites mids't this stern crew are found, 
 And, Galla, where these catamites abound, 
 
 'Tis hard, indeed, to find a real man. 
 
 (1) Galla was induced to believe that she had got hold of a 
 real gallant from his polished manners and the delicate 
 attention he bestowed on his personal appearance. These 
 have been considered in all ages the trivialities that women 
 specially delight in and would now pass for an accurate de- 
 scription of a Lady's man" of modern days. 
 
BOOK VII. 
 
 EPIGKAMS, 
 
 49 
 
 (-) Literally "and again you fall into similar couclies." 
 Sncli was the universal depravity of Eonie — men were so 
 worn out by repeated vicious indulgences tliat it was no 
 easy matter for a woman to get satisfied hj lier lover. 
 
 (^) A real man. See above, note (3), on Epigram xxxv. 
 of this Book. There are, says the poet, some who profess 
 the stern morality of the Socratic and Stoic Schools, and 
 vet are addicted to abominable habits, and so Juv. Sat. 11. 
 V. 8. 
 
 Quis enim non vicus abundat, 
 
 Tristibus obscoenis. 
 
 LXII. TO AMILLUS. 
 
 Eeclusis foribus grandes jDcrcidis, Amille, 
 
 Et te deprendi, cum facis ista, cujiis, 
 Ke quid liberti narrent servique paterni 
 
 Et niger obKqua garrulitate cliens. 
 Kon paedicari se qui testatirr, xAmille, 
 
 Illud saepe facit, quod sine teste facit. 
 
 You open your doors and bugger tall youths, Amillus,^ 
 and when you play this game, you are pleased to be sur- 
 prised ; lest the freedmen and your father's slaves, and some 
 talkative client, should with his suggestive gossip^ say some- 
 thing. A man who takes credentials"^ to prove that he is 
 not a passive sodomite, often does — what can be done with- 
 out credentials. 
 
 Amillus, you open your doors to all ejes, 
 
 When some fine strapping youth j'ou'd enjoy, 
 
 And you're only too pleased should some person surprise 
 You at work on the back of the boy. 
 
 Lest some freedman or slave that your father had bought, 
 Should suspect inconvenient home truths, 
 
50 Martial's 
 
 Or some client suggest that it was'nt for nauglit 
 That you fancied such lusty tall youths. 
 
 You would prove that you do, as you're never done by, 
 And convince the whole world, north and south : 
 
 So I'll credit that naught in your arse did e'er lie 
 That had not been first in your mouth. 
 
 When Amillus went with his tall slaves into a room, 
 it naturally excited curiosity, and people were tempted 
 to have a peep and surprise him. This Amillus knew, and 
 in order to conceal his real vice, he made a point of sodom- 
 ising them openly, and then people would say, Amillus, a 
 catamite, or prick-sucker ! oh nonsense, I saw him myself 
 having a boy the other day. 
 
 ( ^ ) Obliquus — suggestive by inuendo, double entendre 
 as the French say. iSee Facciolati et Forcellini sub voce 
 obKquus." 
 
 (^) Credentials. The word testis, in Latin, means a 
 witness and also a testicle. There is no English equivalent 
 to express this, that I am aware of. Credentials seems the 
 nearest approach to it, and even then we strain a point by 
 making credentials a personal witness or witnesses instead 
 of written corroborative proof. The meaning is plain. 
 The man who goes out of his way to make people think 
 that his favourite peccadillo is active sodomy, naturally 
 excites our suspicions, and he who takes witnesses (cre- 
 dentials) to prove this, often does something in which 
 testicles (credentials) are not necessary ; that is to say — in 
 private he gets buggered, and he gamahuches, neither of 
 which operations require him to use his testicles. 
 
 LXVII. TO PHILAENIS, A TRIBADE. 
 
 Paedicat pueros tribas Philaenis 
 Et tentigine saevior mariti 
 
BOOK VII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 61 
 
 Undenas vorat in die pnellas. 
 Harpasto quoque subligata ludit 
 Et flavescit haplie, gravesque draucis 
 Halteras facili rotat lacerto, 
 Et putri lutulenta de palaestra 
 Uncti verbere vapulat magistri : 
 Nec cenat prius ant recumbit ante, 
 Qiiam septem voninit meros deunces ; 
 Ad quos fas sibi tunc putat reverti, 
 Cum colipMa sedecim comedit. 
 Post baec omnia cum libidinatur, 
 Non fellat — putat hoc parum virile — , 
 Sed plane medias vorat puellas. 
 Di mentem tibi dent tuam Philaeni : 
 Cunnum lingere quae putas virile. 
 
 Philaenis, tbe tribade,^ sbdomises boys, and more fiercely 
 passionate than a lewd husband, gamahuches eleven girls a 
 day.'2 With her dress tucked up also she plays with the 
 handball, and covers herself with sand,^ and whirls with an 
 easy arm dumb bells heavy enough for the stoutest athletes, 
 and all over dust from the stinking arena, she is whipped^ by 
 the greasy fencing master : nor does she sup or lie down at 
 table before she has vomited'^ seven tumblers of neat wine, 
 and when she has eaten sixteen tonic cakes,*^ she thinks it 
 right to return to her cups. After all this, when she is 
 lecherous she does not suck pricks. She thinks this hardly 
 manly but she regularly devours the quims of girls. May 
 the Gods clothe thee in thj right mind,' Philaenis, thou 
 that thinkest it manly to gamahuche women. 
 
 Abhorrent of all natural joys, 
 Philaenis sodomises boys. 
 And like a spouse whose wife's away 
 She drains of spend twelve cunts a day. 
 With dress tucl^ed up above her knees 
 Slie hurls tlie heavy ball witli ease. 
 
52 
 
 maetial's 
 
 And, smeared all o'er with oil and sand, 
 Slie wields a dumb bell in each hand, 
 And when she quits the dirty floor, 
 Still rank with grease, the jaded whore 
 Submits to the schoolmaster's whip 
 For each small fault, each trifling slip : 
 Nor will she sit her down to dine 
 Till she has spewed two quarts of wine : 
 And when she's eaten pounds of steak 
 A gallon more her thirst will slake. 
 After all this, when fired by lust. 
 For pricks alone she feels disgust. 
 These cannot e'en her lips entice 
 Forsooth it is a woman's vice ! 
 But girl's she'll gamahuche for hours, 
 Their juicy quims she quite devours. 
 Oh, you that think your sex to cloak 
 By kissing what you cannot poke. 
 May God grant that you, Philaenis, 
 Will yet learn to suck a penis. 
 
 (^) Tribade— all the commentators, without exception, 
 explain this passage to mean that Philaenis has boys in 
 the anus oXiajju) i.e. with the dildo. But this, I think 
 gives a wrong idea, and as the prevalent opinions on the 
 subject of tribadism are most erroneous, a few words 
 will not be out of j)lace, (compare e.g. Stephanus The- 
 saurus, s. V. rpiBas ). Tribadism properly so called is 
 well defined by F. C. Forberg, Apophoreta, cap. vi. p. 345. 
 Tribades (from rpifSu) to rub), are women who have such a 
 large clitoris that they can use it as a prick, either for 
 poking or sodoniising. The clitoris is sometimes large natu- 
 rally, and sometimes it becomes so from constant friction. 
 The clitoris of the tribade gTOws stiff, it enters a quim or an 
 anus, and affords a most agreeable sensation to the woman 
 who is operated upon. In fine the tribade does everything 
 a male lover can do except spend. The correctness of this 
 opinion of Forberg is borne out by Lucian, Dial. Meretric. Y., 
 
BOOK vir. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 53 
 
 where a woman gives an account of an adventure with, a 
 tribade. The latter says, " My mind, my passion and every 
 thing else is masculine. . . . Come Leaena, look here, and 
 you will see I am in no way inferior to men ; for I have 
 something in the place of the virile member,^' Leaena says 
 that after this, she " copulated with the tribade as with a 
 man," and that the tribade " kissed her rapturously, panted, 
 heaved, and appeared to experience the greatest pleasure. 
 Shame," adds Leaena, " prevents my entering into further 
 particulars." 
 
 The word tribas, however, is also used loosely of any 
 lewdness between women in modem times, as masturbation 
 with the fingers, a dildo, or the neck of a bottle, etc., pro- 
 vided it is done by one woman to another, but as far as our 
 researches have gone, we have grave doubts about tribas 
 being thus loosely used in ancient times. In Ep. xc. 
 Book I, Martial says of a tribade, that she joins two 
 cunts together, which would be absolutely untrue of a 
 dildo. So Lucian de Amor., says of Philaenis avh^oyvvovs 
 eptoras aaxVH-oi^ovaa " vilely usurping half manly loves," 
 and just above he says, " women lie with women as a man 
 does." As to the use of the dildo we learn from Suidas, s.v. 
 oXirrf^os that it was made of skin and resembled the male 
 organ: it was used by the women of Miletus, and by 
 old women, and he quotes a passage from Cratinus, " ugly 
 women use dildoes." 
 
 (2) I may here notice a singular blunder of Simon, the 
 French translator, for he gives " plus furieuse encore apres 
 les caresses lubriques de son epoux." But the sting of the 
 satire is in Philaenis's affectation of male vices, how then 
 could Simon introduce anything so at variance with the 
 tenor of the epigram, and so tame ? The antithesis clearly 
 is in this, that when Philaenis gamahuches these girls, her 
 lust is more fierce than their husbands' or gallants', that is, no 
 man ever performs his sexual functions (which are natural), 
 with such fire as Philaenis pursues her unnatural lust. In 
 our verse translation we have modernised this idea, as in 
 
 I 
 
54 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 these days of manages de convenance," a lewd husband 
 is like the dodo, an extinct species. 
 
 (^) Haphe is the yellow sand with which wrestlers, after 
 being anointed, had to be sprinkled to enable them to hold 
 each other. 
 
 (^) Flogging. I do not think that this is at all con-* 
 nected with the well known lustful effect the birch has for 
 both man and woman. The ancients seem not to have ap- 
 preciated this. The meaning is, she goes in so thoroughly 
 for the lowest kind of gymnastics as practised by gladiators, 
 that she falls under the same category as these worthies, 
 and as the fencing master or gladiatorial trainer had the 
 jus virgae (or right to flog) over gladiators, Philaenis sub- 
 mitted even to this indignity. 
 
 (^) When the Eomans had taken a full amount of delica- 
 cies at dinner, instead of crying like the boy who had 
 eaten so much beef that he had no room for plum pudding, 
 in a far more philosophical spirit they made themselves 
 sick, and started fair again, thus stultifying the popular 
 adage that however rich a man may be, he can't eat two 
 dinners a day. 
 
 (^) Coliphia, a kind of nourishing food for athletes. 
 Calderini derives it from kwXov IcpL and this etymology is 
 defended by Vitellius against Morula. 
 
 (7) That is, may the gods grant that your lust be femi- 
 nine, facetiously said, and as it were Trapa irpotrboKiav. We 
 expected something like, "may the gods grant that you 
 come to a proper state of mind, and quit the path of vice 
 for good." The poet, however, elegantly says, " may she 
 no longer gamahuche women," intimating that she may be 
 left free to suck pricks ; as above " non fellat — putat hoc 
 parum virile." Her mind being so utterly debauched, more 
 than this the gods could not be expected to grant. This 
 special vice of women gamahuching women, seems to have 
 been of rare occurrence, for we have the word cunnilingus 
 and not cunnilinga. 
 
BOOK VIT. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 55 
 
 LXX. TO PHILAENIS. 
 
 Ipsarum tribadum tribas, Philaeni, 
 Eecte, quam futuis, vocas amicam. 
 
 Thou tribade of very tribades, Philaenis, rightly dost 
 thou call her whom thou fuckest, thy companion. i 
 
 Tribade of tribades must Philaenis be ! 
 
 She's not content with fingering and sucking ; 
 Well may she call her friend her chore amie, 
 
 She very nearly gives her down right fucking. 
 
 (i) There is a pun on the word "arnica," which I have 
 translated companion. Amica means in a good sense, " a 
 female friend" applied to two women ; but as applied to a 
 woman and a man, it is a mistress," and so is used in a bad 
 sense, just as the French call a mistress " chore amie," 
 Now Philaenis calls a woman " amicam," but this, says 
 Martial, must be taken in a bad sense, since Philaenis was a 
 tribade, and therefore stood in the place of a man. See 
 Athenaeus, Lib. XIV. cap. iv. For the rest of the words in 
 this epigram that have a double meaning, see the notes to 
 EpigTam xc. Book I. 
 
 LXXV. TO A DEFORMED OLD WOMAX. 
 
 Vis futui gratis, cum sis deformis anusque. 
 Res perridicula est: vis dare, nec dare vis. 
 
 You wish to be fucked for nothing, when you are de- 
 formed and an old woman. 'Tis very ridiculous ! you wish 
 to give and yet you won't give.^ 
 
56 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Tho' deformed, old, and ugly as sin, 
 For gi-atuitoiis fucking you tout, 
 
 'Tis absurd, you request a put-in. 
 And refuse in return to fork out. 
 
 (1) You wisli to give (i.e. grant your favors), yet you do not 
 wish to give (i.e. your money). But if you will have it 
 that you grant your favours, you must pay all the same since 
 you are an old woman. You are no longer the grantor, and 
 yet you do not wish to put yourself in the position of a 
 grantee, which in fact you are. 
 
 LXXXII. ON MENOPHILUS, WHO WAS CIRCUMCISED. 
 
 Menophili penem tarn grandis fibula vestit, 
 
 Ut sit comoedis omnibus una satis. 
 Hunc ego credideram — nam saepe lavamur in unum — 
 
 Sollicitum voci parcere, Flacce, suae : 
 Dum ludit media populo spectante palaestra, 
 
 Delapsa est misero fibula : verpus erat. 
 
 So large a pouch^ covers the penis of Menophilus that it 
 would alone be sufficient for all the actors.'^ I had thought 
 (for we often bathe together), that he was anxiously pre- 
 serving his voice, Flaccus. But as he was practising in the 
 middle of the palaestra, before a crowd of spectators, his 
 pouch slipped oft' : poor fellow ! He was circumcised. 
 
 At the bath's entrance I have seen him pause 
 While singling out the largest pair of drawers, 
 A pair whose copious fulness would contain 
 Within their folds the staff of Drury Lane : 
 I always thought his parts he thus encased 
 To shield his manhood from too gi'eat a waste. 
 
BOOK VII. EPIGRAMS. 57 
 
 But practising one day his vigorous stroke, 
 
 His drawers slipped off, and then the charm was broke ; 
 
 And all the crowd perceived the modest trick, 
 
 Was not to hide his length, but loss of prick. 
 
 From this epigram some commentators have attempted 
 to prove that there were two kinds of fibula or " pouch," 
 one by which the genitals were compressed at the same time 
 that they were covered, and another which was a brass or 
 silver ring put round the prepuce. This opinion however 
 cannot be sustained. For Celsus distinguishes the ring from 
 the fibula, and sa^^s that the fibula was put on when the 
 ring was taken away ; nor was it simply a garment, for 
 that there was a ring is certain, either of silver or brass, and 
 this was soldered by a blacksmith, that it might not be 
 easily removed, and a blacksmith had to be employed when 
 it was undone (refibulor). What then was that sheath or 
 pouch that covered the penis according to Martial. It could 
 not have been anything for the preservation of the voice 
 (i.e. by putting a restraint on a man's copulation), for if so, 
 of what use could it have been if it was so easily removed ? 
 nay fell off of its own accord ! But the Jews made use of 
 these drawers or pouches to conceal their circumcision. 
 They could not be infibulated, as they had no prepuce. 
 Now since all who were so infibulated wore the sheath 
 (Theca) or pouch (aluta) either to cover it, or that the ring 
 might not hurt them in walking, or as a protection, if the 
 penis received any accidental blow, fibula is here used 
 loosely by Martial, inasmuch as the fibula did not drop off, 
 but the sheath or pouch which protected, or rather in this 
 instance should have protected the fibula. 
 
 (^) Actors used to wear rings round the prepuce, (see 
 preceding note), in order that their voices might not be 
 injured by copulation. 
 
o8 
 
 mabtial's 
 
 BOOK IX. 
 
 XXVII. TO CHRESTUS. 
 
 Cum depilates, Chreste, coleos portes 
 Et vulturino mentulam parem collo 
 Et prostitutis le^dus caput culis, 
 Nec vivat ullus in tuo pilus crure, 
 Purgentque saevae cana labra volsellae ; 
 Curios, Camillos, Quintios, Numas, Ancos, 
 Et quidquid unquam legimus pilosorum 
 Loqueris sonasque grandibus minax verbis, 
 Et cum tbeatris saeculoque rixaris. 
 Occurrit aliquis inter ista si draucus, 
 lam paedagogo liberatus et cuius 
 Eefibulavit turgidum faber penem : 
 Nutu vocatum ducis, et pudet fari 
 Catoniana, Chreste, quod facis lingua. 
 
 Though you keep your scrotum entirely free from hair, 
 and your penis soft as a vulture's neck,^ and your head 
 smoother than the prostitued bottom of a catamite, and you 
 have not a single hair on your thigh, and the tweezers oft^ 
 cleanse from hair your snow white lips ; you talk of the 
 Curii, the Camilli, the Quintii, the Numas, and the Anci, 
 and all that we have read of these manly fellows, and you 
 mouth out sternly grandiloquent words, and you storm at 
 the vices of the stage and of your age. If in the middle of 
 all this an active youth who has just left school, and whose 
 
BOOK IX. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 59 
 
 swelling penis the blacksmith has just released,"^ comes up 
 to you ; you beckon to him, and lead him aside, and sham© 
 forbids Cato's^ tongue to tell what Chrestus does. 
 
 Chrestus, though not two hairs your scrotum deck, 
 
 Though your prick's softer than the vulture's neck, 
 
 Though your mild face, effeminate smooth and plump, 
 
 Eivals the Pathic's prostituted rump, 
 
 And girlish in your hairless thighs and hips. 
 
 Art hides all trace of manhood in your lips ; 
 
 You talk of deeds the great, and good, and bold 
 
 Have done, w^ith stem jjomposity, and hold 
 
 Forth on the vices that corrupt the age ; 
 
 But while this virtuous war on vice you wage, 
 
 If some bright lad, who's just outgrown his school, 
 
 While thoughts of freedom swell his youthful tool, 
 
 Come up, you lead aside the sprightly boy, 
 
 And when replete of what you most enjoy. 
 
 Your Cato's tongue would never dare confess t' us, 
 
 How very much you had behaved like Chrestus. 
 
 (^) Chrestus delicately attended to his personal appear- 
 ance to please his mistresses and lovers, and yet he went 
 about crying 0 tempera ! 0 mores !" and censuring the 
 vices of his age like a second Cato the Censor. His penis 
 w^as enervated and soft as the slender neck of a vulture. 
 Vultures have no feathers on their neck, and Chrestus had, 
 of course, shaved all round at)out his penis. It resembled 
 a vulture's neck also in its thinness. 
 
 ('-^) "Oft," Lat. crebrae." Others read saevae, Anglice 
 cruel," with reference to the cruel tw^eezers," that is, as 
 causing pain, but it seems better to read crebrae, and to 
 refer it to the constant use of the tweezers, each hair as it 
 showed itself being forthwith plucked out. 
 
 (•^) See note on Book Vll. Epig, Ixxxii. 
 
60 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 C^) The commentators seem to have missed the meaning 
 here in many instances, e. g. Farnabius, who paraphrases 
 **Shame forbids me telling what your tongue does, with which 
 you profess to be a second Cato (or third, for there were 
 two Catos) in morals ;" but in doing this (which would 
 lead us to infer that Chrestus was a prick-sucker) they 
 have lost sight of the word "draucus," which I have 
 translated " active youth," and which means literally " an 
 active sodomite," and is always used in this bad sense. 
 The true meaning is " You will be sodomised by the young 
 fellow, and though you have been talking so morally, like 
 another Cato, you will not dare to confess what has hap- 
 pened, for you do not speak of such things." Compare 
 Book II. Epig. Ixxxii., where the same idea is conveyed, and 
 lingua is also used ; and see Lemaire and Kamiresius on 
 that passage. 
 
 XXXIII. TO FLACCUS. 
 
 Audieris in quo, Flacce, baliieo plausum, 
 Matronis illic esse mentulam scito. 
 
 In whatever bath you hear shouts of applause, Flaccus, 
 be assured that there is a prick for staid matrons. 
 
 When you hear the staid matrons give signs of delight 
 
 While bathing secure under cover. 
 It's not the line swimmers their praises excite. 
 
 But a prick that they're chuckling over. 
 
 This requires no explanation. We have followed the 
 reading matronis " in the text ; the common reading is 
 morionis. 
 
BOOK IX. 
 
 EPIGRAM?. 
 
 61 
 
 XLI. TO PONTICUS. 
 
 Pontice, quod nunquam futuis, sed pellice laeva 
 
 Uteris et Yeneri servit arnica manus, 
 Hoc niliil esse putas ? scelus est, miM crede, sed ingens, 
 
 Quantum vix animo concipis ipse tuo. 
 Nempe semel futuit, generaret Horatius ut tres ; 
 
 Mars semel, ut geminos Ilia casta daret. 
 Omnia perdiderant, si masturbatus uterque 
 
 Mandassent manibus gaudia foe da suis. 
 Ipsam crede tibi naturam dicere rerum : 
 
 " Istud quod digitis, Pontice, perdis, homo est.'' 
 
 Ponticus, because you never fuck, but use your wborish 
 left hand' which, serves to quench your lust, do you think 
 this is nothing ? Aye, but believe me it is an awful crime 
 such as the mind can barely conceive. In truth, Horatius^ 
 fucked once to beget three sons : Mars fucked the chaste 
 Hia^ once, and she bore twins. But either had lost all, if 
 they had frigged and procured vile pleasures with their 
 hands. Believe me I tell you the true nature of things ; 
 " what you throw away with your fingers, Ponticus, is 
 man." 
 
 While you never indulge in a woman's embrace, 
 
 But rely on youi' whorish left hand. 
 And call yourself chaste, yourself you debase 
 
 By a crime men can scarce understand. 
 Horatius once fucked the delight of his home, 
 
 And three noble offspring she bore ; 
 And Mars lay but once with the mother of Eome, 
 
 And made one and one into four. 
 But if either their fingers in lust had imbrued, 
 
 Nor with these good ladies had lain, 
 
 K 
 
G2 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Those liappy results would have never accrued ; 
 
 So listen while now I explain, 
 What your fingers are recklessly throwing away 
 
 Without stint or the least hesitation, 
 Is God's divine image, repeated in clay, 
 
 Is Man, our Ijord's noblest creation ! 
 
 (^) From this we learn that the ancients usually em- 
 ployed the left hand, and so we have elsewhere, Book XI. 
 Epig. Ixxiii. 
 
 Succurrit pro te saepe sinistra mihi. 
 
 It was not, however, quite universal, for the right hand 
 was sometimes employed. See Forberg's dissertation, "de 
 masturbando," appended to his edition of " Panormita's 
 Hermaphroditus. ' ' 
 
 (2) Horatius, the father of the three Horatii, who fought 
 with the three Guriatii. 
 
 (2) Ilia, a vestal virgin, the mother of Romulus and 
 Eemus. 
 
 :jiLVII. TO PANNYCHUS. 
 
 Democritos, Zenonas inexplicitosque Platonas 
 
 Quidquid et hirsutis squalet imaginibus. 
 Sic quasi Pythagorae loqueris successor et heres, 
 
 Praependet Samia nec tibi barba minor. 
 Sed quod et hircosis serum est et turpe pilosis. 
 
 In moili rigidam clune libenter habes. 
 Tu, qui sectarum causas et pondera nosti, 
 
 Die mihi, percidi, Pannyche, dogma quod est ? 
 
 Yoii talk of Democritus, Zeno, and the profound Plato 
 
BOOK IX. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 G3 
 
 and the unsliorn sages i with, their austere aspect, as if you 
 were the successor and heir of Pythagoras, and your beard 
 in truth is as long as his,^ but what the bearded loathed, 
 and the unshorn thought villainous, you are glad to have, 
 a stiff prick in your smooth bottom. Thou that knowest 
 the principles and systems of sects, tell me, Pannychus, what 
 dogma it is to be buggered 
 
 You talk of Democritus, Zeno, and Plato, 
 
 The sages unshorn and austere, 
 As if to the Samian^s renown claim you lay to, 
 
 And your beard is as long very near. 
 But the bearded would loathe, and the virtuous un- 
 shaven 
 
 The act would regard with disgust, 
 When you up your bum, that's as smooth as a raven, 
 
 Exult a stiff prick to have thrust, 
 Since you know the opinions and systems so well 
 
 By philosophers ever embodied, 
 Will you, Pannychus, do us the favour to tell 
 
 Whose dogma it is to be sodded ? 
 
 (1) The stem and severe habits of the ancient sages were 
 often hypocritically affected by vicious men. Somewhat 
 similar is the Epigram on Galla, Book VII. Epig. 58, 
 where Martial tells her that among this stern crew she will 
 find catamites. 
 
 0 Nor bate thou him in bush of beard a hair." 
 
 (^) i.e. What sage taught you that it was virtuous to be 
 sodomised ? Who laid down this dogma ? 
 
 The opening portion of the second satire of Juvenal may 
 be compared with this epigram. 
 
64 
 
 LVII. ON HEDYLUS. 
 
 Nil est tritius Hedyii lacernis : 
 
 Non ansae veterum Corintliiorum, 
 
 Nec cms compede lubricnm decenni, 
 
 Nec ruptae recutita colia mulae, 
 
 Nec quae Flaminiam secant salebrae, 
 
 Nec qui litoribus nitent lapilli, 
 
 Nec Tusca ligo vinea politns, 
 
 Nec pallens toga mortui tribulis, 
 
 Nec pigri rota quassa mulionis, 
 
 Nec rasum cavea latus bisontis, 
 
 Nec dens iam senior ferocis apri. 
 
 Ees una est tamen, — ipse non negabit, — 
 
 Cuius tritior Hedyii lacernis. 
 
 Nougbt is more bare than tbe cloak of Hedylus : Not 
 handles of old Corinthian ware, not the leg of a battered 
 mule worn smooth by a ten years chain, nor its raw neck ; 
 not the ruts of the Flaminian road, not the bright pebbles 
 of the sea shore; not that spade worn^ down in digging 
 Tuscany's vineyards ; not the dead workman's threadbare" 
 shroud ; not the broken down wheel of the lazy muleteer : 
 not the bulfalo's flank worn against its rocky den ; not the 
 tusk of an old wild boar. Yet one thing is worn much 
 smoother, and Hedylus will not deny it. His arse^ is barer 
 than his cloak. 
 
 Friend Hedylus' cloak is a sight to behold, 
 
 It's ragged, it's tattered, it's battered, it's old. 
 
 Not the handles of flagons grow smoother from wear, 
 
 Nor the legs of chained asses more mangy and bare, 
 
 Not the ruts of a highway where market carts meet, 
 
 Not the round shining pebbles on which the waves beat. 
 
BOOK IX. 
 
 EPIGEAMS. 
 
 65 
 
 The rags of dead paupers, spades ground by the soil, 
 Nor the cart wheel made bright in its circular toil, 
 Not the flank of the bison, rubbed raw in his lair, 
 
 Not an old boar's white tusk ground down to a stump, 
 Are so worn as old Hedylus' cloak, yet I'd swear 
 
 That his cloak's much less worn than the hole in 
 his rump. 
 
 (1) Ligonem interpretare laevigatum in fodiendis 
 Etruriae vineis," Lemaire. 
 
 (^) Fallens " threadbare." This is probably the mean- 
 ing. The shroud, or toga, is pale from the nap being worn 
 off; others take it as "white," and so of a poor man's 
 shroud, as Censors were wrapt up in purple. 
 
 (^) (Jf course Hedylus' arse was bare and worn smooth 
 from (i) its having every hair carefully plucked out, and 
 (2) from constant performances, for Hedylus was a passive 
 sodomite. 
 
 LXVII. TO AESCHYLUS. 1 
 
 Lascivam tota possedi nocte puellam, 
 
 Cuius nequitias vincere nulla potest. 
 Fessus miile modis illud puerile poposci : 
 
 Ante preces totas primaque verba dedit. 
 Improbius quiddam ridensque rubensque rogavi : 
 
 Pollicita est nulla luxuriosa mora. 
 Sed mihi pura fuit ; tibi non erit, Aeschyle : si vis, 
 
 Accipe et hoc munus conditione mala. 
 
 I passed a whole night with a lascivious girl, whose 
 wickedness^ no one could surpass. Tired of a thousand 
 pranks, I begged that boyish favour,^ before my prayer was 
 finished, my first utterance, 'twas granted. Smiling and 
 blushing I asked for something worse/ she voluptuously 
 
66 
 
 Martial's 
 
 promised it at once/^ But she was chaste to me. She will 
 not be so to you, Aeschylus : if you want it, take this boon, 
 but she will attach a condition.'^ 
 
 Last night the soft charms of an exquisite whore 
 
 Fulfilled every whim of my mind, 
 Till, with fucking grown weary, I begged something 
 more, 
 
 One bliss that still lingered behind. 
 My prayer was accepted ; the rose in the rear 
 
 Was opened to me in a minute ; 
 One rose still remained, which I asked of my dear,— 
 
 'Twas her mouth and the tongue that lay in it. 
 She promised at once, what I asked her to do ; 
 
 Yet her lips were unsullied by me. 
 They'll not, my old friend, remain virgins for you, 
 
 Whose penchant exceeds e'en her fee. 
 
 (1) This epigram is evidently addressed to a man whose 
 speciality was to be gamahuched. 
 
 (2) Nequitias, wickedness," so we say playfully of an 
 accomplished performer, " a wicked little devil," meaning 
 that she was up to every dodge ; in a word, an accomplished 
 prostitute. 
 
 (^) Boyish favour, I asked her to let me have her 
 a ritalienne. 
 
 (^) Something worse or literally more "shameless," t.e., 
 I asked her to gamahuche me. 
 
 ('^) She made no objection on the score of filthiness, 
 but promised to do it; however, she wanted so much 
 extra that I couldn't afford it, and consequently she was 
 quoad her mouth, chaste to me. But you, Aeschylus, won't 
 grudge your money on your favourite vice ; go to her then 
 and be gamahuched. 
 
BOOK IX. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 (67) 
 
 (^) Conditio mala, literally '' take this boon under an evil 
 condition," similar to this use of mala is the phrase ''to 
 levy black mail." 
 
 LXIX. TO POLYCHARMUS. 
 
 Cum futuis, Polycharme, soles in fine cacare. 
 Cum paedicaris, quid, Polycharme, facis ? 
 
 "When you fuck, Polycharmus, you generally shit at the 
 finish, but when you are sodomised what do you do, 
 Polycharmus ? 
 
 When you lie with a woman, at least so girls say, 
 You shit the same moment you come. 
 
 But what do you do, Polycharmus, I pray. 
 When a lovers stiff prick stops your bum ? 
 
68 
 
 martial',^ 
 
 BOOK X. 
 
 LV. ON MAKULLA, 
 
 Arrectum qiiotiens Marulla penem 
 Pensavit digitis diuque mensa est, 
 Libras, scriptiila sextulasqiie dicit. 
 Idem post opus et suas palaestras 
 Loro cum similis iacet remisso, 
 Quanto sit levior Mamlla dicit. 
 IsFon ergo est manus ista, sed statera. 
 
 As often as Manilla^ weighs a standing prick in lier hand 
 and scans its measure for some minutes, slie tells off tlie 
 pounds,^ the pennyweights, and the quarter ounces, and 
 when it lies still after its work and exercise like a piece 
 of soft leather, Marulla tells how much lighter it is. Hers 
 is no hand but a pair of scales. 
 
 The stalwart prick, just risen to invade her, 
 Placid Marulla handles as it swells, 
 
 And calmly poising, like a cautious trader. 
 Its weight in pounds and quarter ounces tells : 
 
 And v/heii the feeble thing no longer stands. 
 Hlark, &.oddened, and now impotent for pleasure. 
 
BOOK X. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 69 
 
 Again tlie jade will take it in her hands, 
 
 And note the difference in its weight and measure^ 
 
 With systematic, calculating ways, 
 The waywai'd joy she cmelly assails; 
 
 Not hers the coaxing touch that bids love blaze. 
 Hers is no hand — it is a huckster's scales. 
 
 Q) Marulla was a lecherous young damsel who was evi- 
 dently fond of looking at and handling the old gentle- 
 man," and of great experience. 
 
 Libra or pounds=to about 12 ounces, Scriptulum nearly 
 one-twentieth of an ounce, Sextula one-sixth of an ounce. 
 
 LXXXI. ON PHYLLIS. 
 
 Cum duo venissent ad Phyllida mane fututum 
 Et nudam cuperet sumere uterque prior, 
 
 Promisit paidter se Phyllis utrique daturam, 
 Et dedit : ille pedem sustulit, hie tunicam. 
 
 Two men came one morning to fuck Phyllis,^ and each 
 wished to be the first to have her naked : Phyllis promised 
 that she would grant her favours to both equally, and she 
 performed her promise : one lifted up her leg, the other her 
 bustle. 
 
 Two loA^ers one day knocked at Phyllis's door. 
 
 To have the first roger each wanted, 
 As neither would ^ield, she obliging!}'' swore 
 
 It to each at one time should be granted. 
 Then she lifted her garments before and behind. 
 
 And bid each be his pleasure pursuing, 
 They went in together, at once 'gan to grind. 
 
 And at once made an end of their wooing. 
 
 L 
 
70 
 
 mahtial's 
 
 Aiiotlier version — 
 
 Two youths came one morning fair Phyllis to fuck, 
 And quarrelled which of them should have that 
 good luck, 
 
 But she vowed that for each she a place would soon 
 find, 
 
 Stuck one prick in before and the other behind. 
 
 (^) I conceive the meaning to be that one had her "au 
 naturel," and the other "a 1' Italienne," afia irpoaaru) kuI 
 oTTiaau) Xevaaovaa. 1). Calderini however maintains that 
 there is a pun on the word " sustulit," which means " to 
 raise," i.e., to raise her legs over her lover's bottom for 
 greater convenience, and which is a favourite euphemism 
 — " to poke," and also " to carry off." So that the meaning 
 would be that she gave to the one her favours and to the 
 other her dress, i.e. she pulled off her drawers and threw 
 them at the head of the rejected gallant. But if this 
 phrase means that the unfortunate lover had her drawers, 
 how does Phyllis fulfil her promise ? Again, if it means 
 
 to poke," how does she contrive that both should poke 
 her first. Lemaire's quotation from Juvenal, in support of 
 this view, has no reference whatever to this passage, and 
 merely shews that the ancients, like the moderns, used 
 periphrases to express the Venereal Act. I therefore adhere 
 to the meaning given at the head of this note: in plain 
 language, one fucked her and the other buggered her. I 
 have taken a slight liberty in translating tunica," 
 
 bustle," but I know no other article of female attire the 
 removal of which would be suggestive of sodomy, except 
 the bustle. I am aware that men wear " puzzle bugger" 
 coats, but they have not to the writer's knowledge their 
 counterpart at the court milliners. The epigram appears 
 to me to have no other object in view, than humourously to 
 illustrate the ingenious stratagems hi^rlots will adopt to 
 satisfy their lovers. 
 
BOOK X. 
 
 El'IGRAMS. 
 
 71 
 
 xc. TO LIGIA. 
 
 Quid vellis vetnlum, Ligia, cuniiuni ? 
 Quid busti cineves tui lacessis ? 
 Tales munditiae decent puellas. 
 Nam tu iam nec anus potes videri. 
 Istud, crede mihi, Ligia, belle 
 Non mater facit Hectoris, sed uxor. 
 Erras, si tibi cunnus hie videtur, 
 Ad quem mentula pertinere desit. 
 Quare si pudor est, Ligia, noli 
 Barbam vellere mortuo leoni. 
 
 Why dost thou pluck each hair from thy aged cunt 
 Ligia?' Why rouse the embers of thy deadened lust?'^ 
 Such delicacy^ befits girls; for now thou canst not appear even 
 an old woman.* This, believe me, Ligia, Hector's mother, 
 does not with grace, but Hector's wife. Thou art wrong if 
 thou thinkest it a cunt, at which no prick can stand. 
 Wherefore if thou hast a particle of shame, Ligia, beard 
 not the dead lion.*^ 
 
 Why pluck the bristles from your worn out cleft, 
 
 Hoary and grizzled by time's onward march ? 
 For wanton tricks you've no excuses left, 
 
 Age should be all propriety and starch. 
 Let blooming girls their tender pussies trim, 
 
 Those pouting buds expect some pleasure after ; 
 My wife might charm me if she dressed her quim, 
 
 But my grandmother would provoke my laughter. 
 That is no cunt at which no prick can stand, 
 
 The whitened embers of young lust's s^oent force ; 
 Then cast the tweezers from your palsied hand. 
 
 Nor beard the once fierce lion's rotting corse. 
 
72 
 
 Martial's 
 
 (1) i.e. That it may appear more tender and more youtMul. 
 
 Literally, " Why stir up the ashes of thy tomb." 
 This is, of course, a metaphor = why do yon ronse the 
 ashes and the dead embers of yonr extinguished and buried 
 lust. 
 
 (^) Delicacy "munditiae," i.e. such extreme neatness and 
 carefulness about the outward appearance of Fanny." 
 
 (^) The meaning is, " you are neither a girl nor an old 
 woman," i.e. you cannot be even a respectable dame, since 
 all this titivating" befits not age. 
 
 (•5) Literally, "Po not pluck the beard of the dead 
 lion," in allusion to the proverb, " to beard the lion," that 
 is, to provoke him to anger ; the meaning is, in vain do you 
 stimulate your aged cunt to lust, for it is dead to lascivious- 
 ness. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 73 
 
 BOOK XI. 
 
 XXI. TO LYDIA. 
 
 Lydia tarn laxa est, equitis quam cuius alieni, 
 
 Quam celer arguto qui sonat aere troclius ; 
 Quam rota transmisso totiens intacta petauro, 
 
 Quam vetus a crassa calceus udus aqua ; 
 Quam quae rara vagos expectant retia turdos, 
 
 Quam Pompeiano vela negata Noto ; 
 Quam quae de phthisico lapsa est armilla cinaedo, 
 
 Culcita Leuconico quam viduata suo ; 
 Quam veteres bracae Britonis pauperis et quam 
 
 Turpe Eavennatis guttur onocrotali. 
 Hanc in piscina dicor futuisse marina. 
 
 Nescio ; piscinam me futuisse puto. 
 
 ' Lydia is as roomy^ as the arse of the bronze horse, as 
 the swift ring'^ sounding shrilly with its brass bells, as the 
 hoop so often untouched by the acrobat* as he leaps through 
 it ; as an old shoe soaked in muddy water ; as the large 
 meshed nets made to catch the thrushes as they fly ; as the 
 curtain of Pompey's'^ theatre uninflated by the wind ; as 
 the bracelet hanging loosely on the arm of a phthisical 
 catamite ; as a mattress with no wool in it ; as the old 
 breeches of a poor Briton ; as the foul throat of the cormo- 
 
74 
 
 Martial's 
 
 rant of Ravenna. 'Tis said that I had her in a tank of sea 
 water ; I know not, I believe I had"^ the tank. 
 
 The roomy Lydia's private parts surpass 
 
 The lusty dray horse' elephantine arse ; 
 
 Wide as the school boy's ringing iron hoop ; 
 
 Vast as the ring the agile riders stoop 
 
 And leap through neatly, touching not the side, 
 
 As round and round the dusty course they ride ; 
 
 Capacious as some old and well worn shoe. 
 
 That's trudged the muddy streets since first 'twas new ; 
 
 Stretched like the net the crafty fowler holds ; 
 
 And drapery as a curtain's heavy folds ; 
 
 Loose as the bracelet, gemmed with green and scarlet, 
 
 That mocks the arm of some consumptive harlot ; 
 
 Slack as a feather bed without the feathers ; 
 
 And baggy as some ostler's well used leathers ; 
 
 Eelaxed and hanging like the skinny coat 
 
 That shields the vulture's foul and flabby throat. 
 
 'Tis said, while bathing once we trod love's path, 
 
 I know not, but I seemed to fuck the bath. 
 
 (i) The poet has evidently just had an unsatisfactory 
 performance with Lydia. 
 
 (^) This line is excessively difficult, and we cannot ven- 
 ture to say that any interpretation is entirely satisfactory. 
 But we shall endeavour to give all the explanations worth 
 mentioning that are to be found among the commentators, 
 and add our own idea of the meaning to them ; leaving the 
 sagacious reader to take his choice. Laxa, " roomy" and 
 also " loose." The first meaning is evidently more appro- 
 priate to the first comparison, viz., to the arse of a bronze 
 statue of a horse. But lower down the similes refer to 
 " looseness" to which the reader's attention will be duly 
 called. Calderini and Morula would prefer to take Lydia as 
 
B JOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRA3IS. 
 
 75 
 
 equivalent to the thigh of Lydia, and to read "lassa," "tired," 
 instead of laxa. But this emendation is not only not sup- 
 ported . by good MS. authority, but it is evidently inappli- 
 cable to several objects of comparison in the remainder of 
 this epigram. These commentators take equitis=equi, 
 (which is quite correct), and they explain equitis aheni, to 
 mean a rest placed on the bars of the grate to support a 
 kettle or caldron. Calderini's words are, " an instrument 
 by which a vessel is kept on the fire, for as a horse bears 
 his rider, so the tripod, or rest, bears the caldron." The 
 idea then is, that as the rest is always bearing the caldron, 
 so is Lydia's thigh always supporting her lovers, and is 
 consequently as worn down as is the brass rest. Simon (the 
 French translator), takes a somewhat different view from 
 this, he renders it, " Lydia est ouveite et flasque comme le 
 fond d'une chaudiere airaine a cheval sur son trepied.' 
 Thus he evidently understands the epigram of Lydia's 
 generative organs, and he takes equitis (lit. rider,) for the 
 kettle on the rest, and he makes his point of comparison 
 between Lydia's j)rivates and the bottom of the kettle, 
 which is a decided improvement on the first interpretation 
 given. Another explanation is, that the eques ahenus is 
 the celebrated Trojan horse, and the epithet " brazen" will 
 probably apply to the armed men inside it. Of course the 
 Grecian heroes had to get inside the animal at some aper- 
 ture, and it is quite allowable for a poet to suggest face- 
 tiously that they entered by the bottom hole. In this case, 
 of course, the idea is that Lydia's affair is as large as that 
 orifice through which the armed Grecian heroes passed into 
 the horse. Our own opinion is, that the " equitis cuius 
 aheni," means merely the arse of a bronze statue of a 
 horse. Now the huge statues about public buildings were 
 always about five or six times as large as life. We may 
 mention any of our own, for instance the lions that have 
 just been put up in Trafalgar Square. Now as these bronze 
 statues represented handsome horses with noble crests, etc., 
 sculptors always chose entire horses as their models, and 
 consequently the poet says cuius and not cunnus. It is 
 
76 
 
 Martial's 
 
 quite possible that it may be an allusion to some local statue 
 lately erected in Eome, but of wliicb now there is no trace. 
 Martial says then that Lydia's affair is as large and roomy 
 as the arse of a bronze horse, that is, as the arse of a horse 
 about six times as large as life. Similarly there is a vulgar 
 phrase common in the slums, " a cunt as large as a dray- 
 horse's arse." In more polite circles a large affair is termed 
 a " horse collar." The modern simile is a cunt big enough 
 to wash a baby in." 
 
 (^) Trochus, a hoop." It was a bronze ring with bells 
 attached, and was impelled by means of a hook with a 
 wooden handle called the " Clavis." 
 
 (^) This line is excessively difficult. I follow those com- 
 mentators who take " Petaurus"=" Petaurista" here. This 
 gives excellent sense. Lydia's quim is as large as a hoop 
 which an acrobat can leap through without touching the 
 sides. The Petaurus, so far as we can make out, was a 
 board moving up and down, with a person at each end, and 
 supported in the middle, something like our see-saws, only 
 much longer, and going to a greater height than is common 
 among us. (Smith Diet. Ant.) Another explanation is our 
 up and down" at fairs : a large wheel revolving perpen- 
 dicularly with seats. Le Grange on Juvenal XIV. 265, ex- 
 plains it, a board set up against a wall on which fowls fly 
 up to roost at night. It will thus be somewhat similar to 
 the " spring boards" used for jumping through " the traps" 
 at our modern pantomimes. In any case we can only say 
 with certainty that " the wheel" or " hoop," is some feat of 
 agility practised in conjunction with the petaurus, as spring- 
 ing from it, and thence leaping through this hoop. But in 
 real truth we have only the vaguest notions about the 
 petaurus. 
 
 (-5) I consider that the ''looseness of the folds of the 
 nymphae" is the subject of this comparison. That is, as 
 loose as the curtains of a theatre when they are drawn 
 back and hanging down in folds, uninflated by a draught. 
 Simon has " Que le toiles du theatre de Pompee, qui ne 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 77 
 
 peuvent plus resister a la fiirie du vent," whicli is utterly 
 wrong and sheer nonsense. 
 
 (^) Elpliinstone is rather happy here : 
 
 Her I'm said to have caught in a pond of the sea, 
 The wide pond is the ivhole recollected by me. 
 
 XXII. TO A MASTURBATING SODOMITE. 
 
 MoUia quod nivei duro teris ore Galaesi 
 
 Basia, quod nudo cum Ganymede iaces, 
 Quis negat ? — hoc nimium est. Sed sit satis ; 
 inguina saltem 
 
 Parce fututrici sollicitare manu. 
 Levibus in pueris plus haec, quam mentula, peccat, 
 
 Et faciunt digiti praecipitantque virum. 
 Inde tragus celeresque pili mirandaque matri 
 
 Barba, nec in clara balnea luce placent. 
 Divisit natura marem : pars una puellis, 
 
 Una viris genita est. Utere parte tua. 
 
 Seeing that you press with your rough and bearded mouth 
 the soft lips of the fair Galaesus, and lie with the naked 
 Ganymede ; who denies it ? This lust is excessive. But 
 be content ; at least forbear to excite their pricks with your 
 whorish hand.^ This commits a greater sin'^ against the 
 beardless striplings than a prick, and fingers perform the 
 act and accelerate the period of puberty. Then rapidly 
 come rankness,'^ and hair,^ and a beard, that make their 
 mother stare, and they do not like to take their bath in 
 broad daylight. Nature has made two divisions of man ;^ 
 one is born to love women : the other their own sex. Keep 
 to 3^our choice. 
 
 While fair Galaesus' tender lips still burn 
 With bristly kisses from his bearded lover, 
 
 31 
 
78 
 
 Martial's 
 
 To Ganymede for naked joys you turn, 
 
 Fondling the charms your unchaste hands uncover ; 
 Such hists as these corruption's self would taint ; 
 
 Bid still your whorish hand and wanton fingers, 
 Nor prurient fancies prematurely paint 
 
 In minds where innocence still faintly lingers. 
 The hotbeds of your hands more taint instil 
 
 In these smooth boys than those obscene embraces ; 
 Too soon the place of man the striplings fill, 
 
 And manly beards deform their boyish faces ; 
 Such beards as make their startled mothers stare. 
 
 And wonder at their fruit's unripe perfection. 
 While the mock men will fly the daylight's glare. 
 
 Avoid the bath to shun their shame's detection. 
 Some men their love in womankind must slake ; 
 
 There're men who share their loves with men in 
 common. 
 
 Your choice forsake not, nor its limits break. 
 
 And keep your fingers from what's meant for woman. 
 
 (^) This epigram is addressed to an abandoned wretch 
 who not only sodomised boys, but masturbated them during 
 the performance. By so doing he makes them spend before 
 the time that nature has appointed. This is very true : 
 boys who are initiated early into the pernicious habit of 
 masturbating, spend before they are thirteen in some in- 
 stances ; whereas the usual age is fifteen. 
 
 (2) This injures them more than sodomising them, for it 
 teaches them to masturbate themselves and excites their 
 youthful passions and consequently tends more to utterly 
 corrupt their morals. 
 
 (^) Eankness, i.e. the smell of the armpits : and so tha 
 Greek rpayos, which is the same word, has a similar mean- 
 ing. This peculiar smell was not supposed to arise from 
 ordinary exercise, but only from tho specific exercise of 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAM?, 
 
 79 
 
 f enery. For tlie triith of tliis ancient notion we are not 
 responsible. 
 
 ('^) That the hair and the beard begin to grow at puberty 
 is a fact, and there is also some truth in the observation 
 concerning the rapid growth of hair after the sexual func- 
 tions have been exercised. We doubt much whether Aris- 
 totle is correct in saying that venereal exercise creates 
 moisture on the pubes and under the armpits, and that this 
 assists in aiding the growth of the hair. But even if this is 
 so, it will not help us to account for the beard which so 
 surprises " dear mamma." They spurned the bath in 
 broad daylight in public, because they thought that their 
 l^remature developement of hau' would betray their vicious 
 precocity. 
 
 (•5) Two di^dsions — that is, man may be divided into 
 womanisers and j^ederasts : be content with one or the 
 other. In your special instance it is sodomy : well, sodomise 
 and be content, but do not give way to such unnatural lusts 
 as mastiu'bating others and thus depriving women of their 
 rights. 
 
 XXV. TO LINUS, 
 
 Ilia salax nimium, nec paucis nota puellis 
 Stai'e Lino desit mentula. Lingua, cave. 
 
 The prick of Linus, though very lascivious, and known 
 to many girls, ceases to stand : beware, oh Tongue !^ 
 
 Linus's prick of rare renown. 
 
 Well known to every giii in town, 
 
 Cannot be coaxed to raise its head. 
 
 So Tongue beware you're not employed instead. 
 
80 
 
 Martial's 
 
 (^) We must not suppose that tlie epigram is addressed 
 to the world and that they are to beware of Linus's tongue ; 
 this idea is directly opposed to the original. The antithesis 
 is between Linus's prick and his tongue ; Linus, says the 
 poet, is such an insatiate fellow that I predict that when he 
 is no longer able to get an erection he will take to gama- 
 huching. Most beautifully and wittily then does the poet 
 say "Beware, oh Tongue !" for you will have some dirty 
 work before you, i.e. you will be inserted within the inner 
 labia of a woman's affair. 
 
 XXVIII. TO EUCTUS ON NASIOA. 
 
 Invasit medicum Nasica phreneticus, Eucte, 
 Et percidit Hylan. Hie, puto, sanus erat. 
 
 Nasica in a fit of frenzy. Oh Euctus, assaulted the physi- 
 cian Hylas, and effected his purpose, I take it he was in 
 his sound senses. ^ 
 
 Our friend, while reason tottered in her seat, 
 
 'Tis said, one day most eminently shocked her, 
 When handsome Dr. Hylas came to treat. 
 And have his fee, his patient in the heat 
 
 Of frenzy threw him down, and had the Doctor. 
 Far from his reason being on the wane. 
 The act, I take it, proves the patient sane. 
 
 {}) The readings here vary. Schneidewin gives " Invasit 
 medici Nasica phreneticus Eucti." In this instance we have 
 rejected his text. The common reading is " sici nephri- 
 ticus," and with this, " sica invasit" will be " attacked with 
 his dagger," and with the secondary meaning be attacked 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGEAMS. 
 
 81 
 
 with, liis prick." This double meaning of sica is similar to 
 the double meaning in the line — 
 
 Pro telo rigida mea cecidi. 
 
 Catullus, Carm. LVI. line 6. 
 
 The idea is that some one loved Hylas to desperation, and 
 feigning madness, rushed at him eagerly as if about to stab 
 him, but not with the knife. There is a double meaning in 
 ^'invasit" to "assault," and to "assault for an indecent 
 purpose," i.e. the sodomitical act ; similarly " percidit" has 
 an ambiguity, meaning to stab or kill, and also to sodomise. 
 Nasica feigns madness in order to have Hylas. Hylas 
 thinking him mad is perhaps too frightened to resist, and 
 so Nasica accomplishes his object. See Lemaire. Hylas 
 was very handsome, and this act of Nasica in sodomising 
 him betokened anything but madness. In fact, it was the 
 most natural thing in the world. Therefore, friend Nasica, 
 your madness, I opine, is all humbug. 
 
 With the reading " Medici," Hylas will be the johysi- 
 cian's slave, and the idea will be precisely similar. We do 
 not consider any of the readings satisfactory, but were we 
 to offer any conjectural emendations, our criticisms would 
 make us far outstep the limits allotted to us. 
 
 XXIX. TO PHYLLIS.^ 
 
 Languida cum vetula tractare virilia dextra 
 
 Coepisti, iugulor poUice, Phylli, tuo. 
 Nam cum me murem, cum me tua lumina dicis, 
 
 Horis me refici vix puto posse decem. 
 Blanditias nescis : " dabo" die " tibi milia centum 
 
 Et dabo Setini iugera certa soli ; 
 Accipe vina, domum, pueros, chrysendeta, mensas." 
 
 Nil opus est digitis : sic mihi, Phylli, frica. 
 
 When you begin to feel my limp penis with your 
 wizened hand, your thumb^ kills me, Phyllis. For when 
 
82 
 
 Martial's 
 
 jou call me yoiir monse" and tlie liglit of your eyes, I think 
 I barely get over it in ten hours ; you know not* how to 
 please ; say " I will give you a hundred thousand sesterces, 
 and a rich farm at Setium, pray accept wine, houses, slaves, 
 gilt vases, tables you need not use your finger^,^^ PKyllig^ 
 this is the way to excite me. 
 
 Oh, if ought of stiffness lingers. 
 
 The palsied touch of those wan fingers 
 
 Kills me outright, and but an hour's 
 
 Exposure to the withering showers 
 
 Of ducks" and " darlings" pouring from your tongue 
 
 Leaves what you love for half a day unstrung ; 
 
 Phyllis, you know not how to seize 
 
 The happy knack to win and please ; 
 
 Bid me accept your house in town, 
 
 Your country seat, ten thousand down ; 
 
 Forget your fingers, open wide your hand, 
 
 For that's the way to make your Martial stand. 
 
 (^) Phjdlis was the nurse of Domitian, and an old pro- 
 curess. Under this name the poet ridicules a woman who 
 in the hideousness of her old age, endeavoured by manipu- 
 lation to give him an erection ; and as the operation was 
 unsuccessful, he gives her a hint how to get him up to the 
 scratch, if she wishes to be poked; viz., by giving him 
 presents. 
 
 (2) Kills me. That is when your wizened hand touches 
 my prick, he hangs down his head as if dead. 
 
 (^) The ancients had an idea that a mouse was a most 
 salacious animal. So Juvenal VI. 339, says of the holy 
 rites of the Bona Dea that a mouse, conscious of its 
 manhood would flee," i.e. salacious as mice are, it would not 
 see those religious rites where only women are present, i.e. 
 its religious scruples would get the better of its lascivious- 
 
BOOK XI. EPIGRAMS.. 88 
 
 ness. With, the reading, "Vitam," may be compared 
 Juvenal's — 
 
 Quo ties inter venit illud, 
 
 (^) I am not excited by tlie blandishments of an old 
 woman who toys with me and annoys me. 
 
 ('5) Compare Juv. Sat. VI. 296— 
 
 Quod enim non excitat inguen 
 
 Yox blanda et nequam ? digitos habet. 
 
 Words of endearment spoken lasciviously have all the 
 erotic effects of manipulation. Hence Martial says, spare 
 yourself the trouble of manipulation but speak those 
 pleasing words, " I give you, etc." 
 
 XXX. TO ZOILUS. 
 
 Os male causidicis et dicis olere ^^oetis. 
 Sed fellatori, Zoile, peius olet. 
 
 You say lawj^ers and poets have fouF breath, but the 
 breath of a gamahucher is fouler^ Zoilus. 
 
 Foul-mouthed all lawyers and poets you call, 
 But the mouth of a tongue fucker's fouler than all. 
 
 (^) i.e. on account of the slanders they utter, or perhaj)S 
 (but less probably), an allusion to the fact that from their 
 intense application their food was not properly digested. 
 
84 
 
 MARTIALS' 
 
 Zoilns who makes this accusation, liowever, perceivetli not 
 the beam that is in his own eye," for as he is agamahucher, 
 his breath would be far fouler than than of lawyers or 
 -poets. 
 
 XLIII, TO HIS WIFE. 
 
 Deprensum in puero tetricis me vocibus, uxor, 
 
 Corripis et culum te quoque habere refers. 
 Dixit idem quotiens lascivo luno Tonanti ? 
 
 Ille tamen grandi cum Ganymede iacet. 
 Incurvabat Hylan posito Tirynthius arcu : 
 
 Tu Megaran credis non habuisse nates ? 
 Torquebat Phoebum Daphne fugitiva : sed illas 
 
 Oebalius flammas iussit abire puer. 
 Briseis multum quamvis aversa iaceret, 
 
 Aeacidae propior levis amicus erat. 
 Parce tuis igitur dare mascula nomina rebus, 
 
 Teque puta cunnos, uxor, habere duos. 
 
 Wife,^ you scold me with a harsh voice when I'm caught^ 
 with a boy, and you tell me you too have an arsehole. 
 How often has Juno said this to the lustful Thunderer ? 
 and yet he lies with the tall Ganymede. The Tirynthian 
 hero put down his bow and sodomised'^ Hylas. Do you 
 think that Megara^ had no buttocks ? Daphne as she fled 
 inspired the love of Phoebus ; but that flame was quenched 
 by the Oebalian^ boy. However much Briseis lay with 
 her bottom turned towards him, the son of Aeacus^ found 
 his beardless friend^ more congenial to his tastes. Forbear 
 then to give masculine names to what you've got, and 
 think that you, wife, have two cunts.^ 
 
 My better half, why turn a peevish scold, 
 AVhen round some tender boy my arms I fold, 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 I EPIGEAMS. 
 
 85 
 
 And point me out that nature has designed 
 
 In you as well a little hole behind ? 
 
 Has Juno ne'er said this to lustful Jove ? 
 
 Yet graceful Ganymede absorbs his love. 
 
 The stout Tirynthian left his bow the while, as 
 
 The lusty hero drove his shaft in Hylas : 
 
 Yet think you Megara had not her bulls-eye ? 
 
 And startled Daphne turning round to fly, 
 
 Her bottom lit a lust for virile joys 
 
 Phoebus needs quench in the Oebalian boy's : 
 
 However much Briseis towards Achilles 
 
 Turned her white buttocks, fairer than twin lilies. 
 
 He found below the smooth Patroclus' waist 
 
 Enjoyment more congenial to his taste. 
 
 Then give no manly names to back or front, 
 
 A woman every where is only cunt. 
 
 (1) Martial's wife caught him sodomising a boy, and 
 scolded him for it as being unnecessary, since if his passions 
 directed him to commit the " sin against nature" she having 
 an arsehole could gratify him. 
 
 (-) Caught in the very act. 
 
 (^) Incurvabat " lit." made crooked, hence placed in a 
 convenient attitude for the sodomitical act by making Hylas 
 lean over something as, e.g. a chair or a table. The idea is 
 " bent" (which is the most convenient position for sodomy), 
 as in the game of leap frog. The Tirynthian i.e. Hercules. 
 
 (^) Megara, the first wife of Hercules, whom he maiTied 
 when he was scarcely twenty. He killed her on his return 
 from the infernal regions in a sudden fit of madness. 
 
 (^) Hyacinthus. 
 
 (6) Achilles. 
 
 (7) Patroclus. 
 
 (8) Do not think that the anus is equally agreeable in 
 
 N 
 
86 
 
 MAIiTIAL's 
 
 women and men. Do not tliink that yon liave anything 
 masculine abont you. 
 
 XLV. TO CANTIIARUS.* 
 
 Intrasti quotiens inscriptae limina cellae, 
 
 Sen puer arrisit, sive puella tibi, 
 Contentus non es foribus veloque seraque, 
 
 Secretumque iubea ^'andius esse tibi. 
 Oblinitur minimae si qua est suspitio rimae 
 
 Punctaque lasciva quae terebrantur acu. 
 ' Nemo est tam teneri tarn sollicitique pudoris, 
 
 Qui vel paedicat, Canthare, vel futuit. 
 
 When you enter the door of the numbered^ room, whe- 
 ther a boy or a girl has attracted you, you are not content 
 with the door and the curtain and the bolt ; but you order 
 far greater secresy for yourself. If there is a suspicion of 
 the least crevice, it is daubed out, and so are the punctures 
 made by a wanton's bodkin.^ No one, Cantharus, is so 
 delicate and so uneasily modest who either sodomises or 
 fuoks.^ 
 
 When Suburan dens you enter 
 
 And securely bolt the door — 
 Door whereon the painted number 
 
 Marks the calling of a whore, 
 Whether boy or girl allure you 
 
 Bolt and door will not suffice, 
 Nor the heavy hanging curtain 
 
 Satisfy a mind so nice ; 
 If the smallest crack or crevice 
 
 Find a place the wall within, 
 Plugged it must be like the peep hole 
 
 Punctured by the wanton's pin ; 
 
BOOK xr. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 87 
 
 Cantharus, no man's so modest, 
 
 From what place or race lie comes. 
 
 Who to please his passions, only 
 Fucks or sods, or cunts or bums. 
 
 (^) This epigram is directed against a gamahucher who 
 whenever he entered a bawdyhouse, whether he had a 
 woman or a boy, carefully examined the room to look for 
 the least crevice, even the puncture of a needle. Now no 
 one who goes in for sodomy, or legitimate womanising, is 
 so particular as all this, but a gamahucher would take all 
 these precautions. In modern times this is reversed, a man 
 who was going to sodomise a woman or a boy, would pro- 
 bably be very careful and cautious in seeing that he was 
 not spied. 
 
 (2) " Numbered" lit. " with the names over the doors," 
 which is difficult to translate in one word. " Numbered" 
 gives, perhaps, the best idea. Professed harlots had their 
 names inscribed over the doors of their rooms. These 
 rooms or " celiac" were the harlots' bedrooms, not the 
 brothel itself, which contained many of these " cellae." 
 This method was very convenient for the public, as the 
 j^rostitutes used to stand naked at the doors of their " cellae," 
 that they might be inspected by the visitors of the bawdy- 
 house, "^ho turned them round and examined them to see 
 that they had no secret blemishes. 
 
 (^) Bodkin, compare TertuUian de Virgine Velanda, 
 c. 12. 
 
 (^) There is a beautiful antithesis here. No one, says 
 Martial, is so careful of not being seen as an utter de- 
 bauchee. So has Seneca remarked, and it holds good at the 
 present day. But it may admit of /mother explanation. 
 The fast man who has had the pleasure of peeping through 
 crevices and chinks at other people, would naturally take 
 care that he was not watched himself. But the idea Mar- 
 tial intends to convey is, that a man who fucks or sodomises 
 
88 
 
 Martial's 
 
 does not mnoli care if he is seen, as these were mere pecca- 
 dilloes, but he does care if he's seen gamahuching, there- 
 fore as Cantharus is so very cautious about crevices and 
 chinks, we may fairly conclude that he gamahuches. 
 
 Uneasily modest. So Byron, " ladies of the most uneasy 
 virtue." — -Don Juan. 
 
 Lvi. to maevius. 
 
 lam nisi per somnum non arrigis et tibi, Maevi, 
 Incipit in medios meiere verpa pedes, 
 
 Truditur et digitis pannucea mentula lassis, 
 Nec levat extinctum sollicitata caput. 
 
 Quid miseros frustra cunnos culosque lacessis ? 
 Summa petas ; illic mentula vivit anus. 
 
 Now, Maevius,! that you only get an erection during sleep^ 
 and you cannot piss further than between your legs,-^ your 
 shrivelled4 penis is worn by wearied fingers, and even thus 
 roused it cannot raise its fallen head. Why tire"^ out in 
 vain cunts and arseholes ? go up to the top,^ there an old 
 prick can hold its own. 
 
 With Maevius who while sleeping only gets 
 
 A piss-proud stand that melts away on waking. 
 The doubt is not how far his urine jets, 
 
 But simply down which leg its course be taking. 
 His shrivelled penis, worn by wearied hands. 
 
 Treats all those soft attentions with disdain, I 
 Wonder he persists in coaxing stands. 
 
 And vainly teasing willing cunts and ani. 
 Look higher, Maevius, try the topmost lips. 
 
 Your prick to their soft warmth be introducing. 
 
BOOK xr. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 89 
 
 However mucli the frost of old age nips, 
 A prick is ne'er too old for gamahucliing. 
 
 (1) On a debaucliee wlio from age and excessive venereal 
 pleasures could now no longer get an erection. 
 
 (2) During sleep. Why men get an erection in their 
 sleep, and in youth almost invariably wake with one, is 
 well known. The fulness of the bladder is the cause, and 
 hence in gonorrhoea the extreme difficulty of preventing 
 painful nocturnal erections, that is, chordee. 
 
 (^) We have followed Schneidewin in our text, literally, 
 and your penis begins to piss in the middle of your legs." 
 The idea of course is, that the penis has lost its strength 
 and cannot eject the urine to the smallest distance, and that 
 Maevius pisses straight down in a perpendicular stream 
 like a woman. 
 
 (4) Pannucea, shrivelled, a beautifully chosen epithet ; it 
 expresses that shrivelled appearance which arises from loss 
 of substance; hence applied to rotten apples and sleepy 
 pears which have lost their consistency ; and especially to 
 an old woman's breasts, which have lost the firmness of 
 youth due to the freer circulation of the blood and elas- 
 ticity of the nerves and muscles, &c. Here it expresses 
 the absence of blood from the veins of the penis, the dis- 
 tention of which causes erection. 
 
 (^) Tire out: you only torment and annoy boys and 
 girls by rubbing your useless member against them, it ex- 
 cites without satisfying them. 
 
 (^) The top, i.e. the mouth. That is, you must give up 
 sodomising and womanising, and take to being gamahuched. 
 No one, says Martial elsewhere, is too old to do the trick in 
 a woman's or boy's mouth (nemo est senex ad irrumandum 
 Book IV. Epig L.), for, however limp a penis may be, it 
 can always find its way into and rest its weary head in a 
 pretty mouth. 
 
90 
 
 Martial's 
 
 XLI. ON TITIUS. 
 
 Tanta est quae Titio columna pendet, 
 Quaiitam Lampsaciae colunt puellae. 
 Hie nullo comitante, nee molesto, 
 Thermis grandibus, et snis lavatur : 
 Anguste Titius tamen lavatur. 
 
 Titius^ lias an affair as large as tliat worshipped by the 
 ladies of Lampsacus."'^ Without any one to attend to him, 
 or interfere with him, he goes and has a large bath all to 
 himself. And yet Titius bathes in one narrow corner. 
 
 From Titius' paunch so large a limb depends, 
 As Mysian damsels bear aloft with pride ; 
 
 Yet Titius bathes alone, unseen by friends, 
 And private waves his naked honours hide ; 
 
 And though the bath be room}^ at one end 
 
 And in one corner all the time he'll spend. 
 
 (1) This epigram is by no means obvious, but on careful 
 consideration I think it can have but one explanation. Titius 
 was a masturbator. He took his dip in a large bath of his 
 own, or which he engaged all to himself. Of course he 
 Avants a large bath vvith no one in it, that he may swim 
 about and splash and amuse himself, without being inter- 
 rupted. ''Oh not a bit of it," says Martial, '' He remains 
 curled up in a corner." Why then does he not bathe in 
 public as he doesn't care about all this room for swim- 
 ming, etc. Why the fact is our friend Titius has a pen- 
 chant for " tossing himself off" in the bath. This letch is 
 by no means uncommon, as the warmth has an erotic effect. 
 
 (2) Lampsacus, a city in Northern M^-sia, celebrated for 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 En GRAMS, 
 
 91 
 
 its worship of Priapiis, wlio is often called tlic God of 
 Lanipsaciis, so Swiuburne's Faustiiie, 
 
 " Not Godless, for you serve one God, 
 The Lampsacene." 
 
 Tiie T^'omen carried about in procession a large erect 
 riiallus (known as the Ithyphallus, from idvs, erect, and 
 (paWos, the penis). The reader is referred to Lemaire's 
 note on this passage, — Payne Knight's Worship of Priapus 
 passim, and Donaldson's Jasher 41 — 70. 
 
 LYIII. TO TELESPHOEUS.^ 
 
 Cum me velle Tides tentumque, Telesphore, sentis, 
 
 Magna rogas ; puta me velle : negare licet. 
 Et nisi im^atus dixi " dabo," subtrahis illas, 
 
 Permittunt in me quae tibi multa, nates. 
 Quid si me tonsor, cum stricta novacula supra est, 
 
 Tunc libertatem divitiasque roget ? 
 Promittam ; neque enim rogat illo tempore tonsor, 
 
 Latro rogat ; res est imperiosa timor. 
 Sed fuerit curva cum tuta novacula theca, 
 
 Frangam tonsori crura manusque simul. 
 At tibi nil faciam, sed lota mentula laeva 
 
 Aeixaceu' cupidae dicet avantiae. 
 
 When you see that I want^ to have you, Telesphorus, 
 and that I am racked^ with desire, — you ask a large price ; 
 suppose I do want to have you, you can deny me. And 
 unless I swear with an oath " I will give it," you withhold 
 from me those buttocks which promise^ you much at my 
 hands. But suppose my barber-^ slave, when his razor is 
 across my throat, demands his liberty and money ; I pro- 
 mise it to him, for when he makes such a request he is no 
 
92 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 longer a barber but a liigliwajanan : fear is imperious. But 
 wlien bis razor is put safely away in its case, I will break 
 tbe barber's legs and arms at once. But to you I will do 
 nothing : I shall wash my soiled hands, and bid you^ go to 
 hell and gamahuche' me for your cursed avarice. 
 
 When I burn with fierce desire, 
 
 When my stubborn limb's on fire, 
 
 Then your cursed avarice 
 
 Makes joii ask a higher price. 
 
 From my racked and swelling loins. 
 
 You hope to draw unnumbered coins. 
 
 I swear to give, by all the gods, 
 
 To appease my o'ercharged cods, 
 
 Lest they burst at the delay 
 
 Or you draw your bum away. 
 
 Now suppose my barber slave. 
 
 At my matutinal shave. 
 
 Asks with blade across my throat, 
 
 Liberty and gold to boot. — 
 
 I swear I'll give, of course, but then \ 
 
 Eeleased, it's all revoked again, ! 
 
 Who'd keep his word with highwaymen ? J 
 
 When once I'm free, the vows I've spoken, 
 
 Are with the rascal's cranium broken. 
 
 As for you, you churlish lout you, 
 
 I'll serve you thus, I'll do without you. 
 
 My supple hands your work shall do, 
 
 My hands which now I wash of you. 
 
 Such pleasant bleeding will remove 
 
 The silly blinding film of love, 
 
 And the cheat who stands before me, 
 
 May hang, or with his tongue adore me. 
 
 (^) An attack on the annoying avarice of Telesphorus, 
 When I am in bed with you, when my passions are wrought 
 to the highest pitch, nay when my penis is all but. in your 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 93 
 
 body, you pester me again and again for money, and unless 
 I call God to witness I will give it to you, you wo n't let 
 me have you, but withdraw your bottom from my penis 
 which, is even " knocking at the door." 
 
 (2) Velle " I want to have you." Similar ellipses are 
 frequent in Martial. 
 
 (^) Eacked with desire, in plain English, stiff and 
 randy," or if that offends you, the chaste commentator's 
 (TCppiyaivTa ical })hr} kvepyelv hvvafievov will COnvey the 
 meaning without hurting the feelings. 
 
 (4) We have followed Schneidewin in our translation. 
 The common reading is puto me velle negare nihil ? Do 
 I think that I will deny you nothing ? But the reading of 
 Schneidewin is preferable, and gives an excellent meaning, 
 i.e., when I make indecent proposals to you, you need not 
 accept them, that is you can tell me so at once, and I shall 
 not suffer so much. But to promise me and get into bed 
 with me and let me feel your soft flesh, and then to with- 
 draw your bottom from me if I do not accede to your 
 demands is most cruel and unfair. 
 
 (^) That is, for you derive a large revenue from me. 
 
 {^) If my slave, who shaves me, played this trick upon 
 me, that is, if he waited till he had got me in his j)Ower, 
 and then asked me for money, I should not only not give it 
 to him according to my promise, but I should half murder 
 him, or perhaps wholly murder him ; but I shall not hurt 
 you, I shall revenge myself in another way. I shall frig 
 myself to satisfy my lust, and then I shall propose to have 
 you in the mouth. As you make such a difficulty about 
 letting me sodomise you, you will not be likely to suffer 
 this to be done, and I shall kick you out of the house, as 
 being of no use to me, and you will curse your avarice for 
 depriving you of a customer. 
 
 0 
 
94 
 
 maktial's 
 
 (7) These last two lines are excessively difficult, we read — 
 Sed lota mentula laeva, 
 
 The common reading is " lana," for " laeva," which gives 
 no sense, and is now universally rejected by modern com- 
 mentators. For " lota" an emendation " mota" has been 
 suggested, and this gives an easy meaning, " when I have 
 used my left hand," i.e. when I have masturbated, but lota 
 conveys the same idea though in a more artificial way, and 
 as " lota" is given by the most numerous and best codices, 
 we have followed it on the well known principle that 
 difficilior lectio est praefereuda." Lota laeva means " after 
 washing my hand." The Eomans always washed them- 
 selves most religiously after copulation. Hence Ovid, 
 Amor, IV. vii. 
 
 Neve suae possint intactam scire ministrae, 
 Dedecus hoc sumpta dissimulavit aqua. 
 
 Therefore if the private parts were washed after copula- 
 tion, that is, after the emission of seed, should not the 
 hands be washed after masturbation ? Aeixaceir, togama- 
 huche. This has caused the commentators a great deal of 
 difficulty, and so much so, that Scaliger and Douza have 
 suggested amceiv " go weep," i.e. go to the devil, which is 
 used in Greek as plorare in Latin, e.g. Horace, Sat. I. x. 90. 
 
 Teque Tigelli 
 Discipularum inter jubeo plorare cathedras. 
 
 But Xeixci^eLr has in the long run the same meaning, and 
 is far more caustic. "VVe must explain the meaning fully. 
 Suppose a case. A man worn out with debaucheries, and 
 limp in consequence, sleeps with a handsome and lascivious 
 woman. He cannot get an erection, he rubs his useless 
 implement against her privates, and chafes and excites her. 
 This without satisfaction becomes intolerable to the woman, 
 and she loses all patience, and not being overburdened with 
 modesty, she says, "suck it," in the slang sense of the 
 
BOOK XI 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 95 
 
 expression, i.e. go to the devil, get out, away from my pre- 
 sence. This meaning we get in the following way. As 
 gamahuching was considered a most detestable thing in 
 Eome, to tell a man to suck your cunt," was somewhat 
 similar to the vulgar modern version of it, " go and suck 
 my arse," which is equivalent to telling a man to go about 
 his business. This is the idea conveyed here. Compare 
 note 6 to this epigram. 
 
 Schneidewin reads \aiKa$.eLy which we cannot adopt. 
 The meaning of this word is " to whore or play the whore." 
 It is used by Aristophanes (Knights, line 167) kv Trpvraveio) 
 XaiKaaeis, where the Scholiast explains it by Troppevcreis, i.e. 
 " you will prostitute yourself." But since Telesphorus was 
 evidently a male prostitute, or at least, a catamite, who 
 expected to be paid, we confess we cannot see much point 
 in his being told to "go and prostitute himself for his 
 cursed avarice." This is surely a wretchedly tame climax 
 to be introduced with so much emphasis by the employ- 
 ment of a foreign word ! These considerations have in- 
 duced us, in this instance to follow the common reading 
 
 LX. ON CHIONE AND PHLOGIS. 
 
 Sit Phlogis an Chione Veneri magis apta, requiris ? 
 
 Pulchrior est Chione, sed Phlogis ulcus habet, 
 Ulcus habet Priami quod tendere possit alutam 
 
 Quodque senem Pelian non sinat esse senem ; 
 Ulcus habet quod habere suam volt quisque puellam, 
 
 Quod sanare Criton, non quod Hygia potest. 
 At Chione non sentit opus nec vocibus ullis 
 
 Adiuvat ; absentem marmoreamve putes. 
 Exorare, del, si vos tam magna liceret 
 
 Et bona velletis tam- pretiosa dare. 
 Hoc quod habet Chione corpus facer etis haberet 
 
 Ut Phlogis ; et Chione quod Phlogis ulcus habet. 
 
96 
 
 Martial's 
 
 You ask wMcli is the most preferable in bed, Pblogis or 
 Chione. Chione is the prettiest, but Phlogis is lewd. 
 Pblogis is so lewd tbat she would make Priam's leather^ 
 stiff, and tbe aged Nestor forget bis years. Every one 
 would like tbe lady of bis affections to be as lewd : a com- 
 plaint wbicb Crito^ can cure but not Hygia. But Chione 
 does not care for it, sbe does not assist witb ber " ob's" and 
 " ab's." You would tbink sbe was in a brown study or tbat 
 sbe was a block of marble. 0 God, if we may ask of tbee 
 so great a tbing, and tbou can'st give so precious a boon, 
 grant tbat Pblogis may bave tbe beauty of Cbione, and 
 Cbione tbe lewdness of Pblogis. 
 
 Cbione's a beauty divine, 
 
 Of crowds of admirers tbe belle. 
 Yet Pblogis, not sbe, sball be mine. 
 
 And tbe reason I quickly will tell. 
 Tbougb beaven witb no beauty bas blest ber, 
 
 Sbe steals our affections from us. 
 And in bed sbe would make even Nestor 
 
 Forget botb bis years and bis truss. 
 Were sbe and old Priam together. 
 
 She'd quicken and kindle bis blood, 
 And make what was flaccid as leather 
 
 To redden and swell like a bud. 
 If wantoness be a disease 
 
 Tbat yields not to nurse's directions, 
 A lover will give the dear ease 
 
 With evening and morning injections. 
 To Chione, by some divine malice. 
 
 Sweet love and its ways are unknown. 
 As fair as a statue of Pallas, 
 
 As cold as a statue in stone. 
 No darting, no squeezing, no twining 
 
 Of tongues, and of bands, and of thighs, 
 Move the bed where her lover's reclining, 
 
 But listless and languid she lies. 
 
BOOK xr. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 97 
 
 If ouglit can be perfect of nature's, 
 
 Ye gods your beneficence prove, 
 By giving dear Plilogis the features, 
 
 CMone tlie feelings for love I 
 
 (^) Tliis requii-es little or no comment. Chi one from 
 Xtwv, snow, and Plilogis from (pXol, flame, expressive of 
 tlieir cold and warm temperaments. 
 
 (2) Leather shoe, literally ; euphemism for prick. 
 
 (^) Crito :,that is a male doctor and not a female one, 
 i.e. she wanted a jolly good poke to do her good. See 
 Epigram LXXI. of this book. 
 
 LXI. ON MANNEIUS. 
 
 Lingua maritus, moechus ore Manneius, 
 Summoenianis inquinatior buccis : 
 Quem cum fenestra vidit a Suburana 
 Obscoena nudum lena, fornicem cludit, 
 Mediumque mavult basiare, quam summum : 
 Mo do qui per omnes viscerum tubes ibat, 
 Et voce certa, consciaque dicebat, 
 Puer, an puella matris esset in ventre : 
 (Gaudete cunni ; vestra namque res acta est) 
 Arrigere linguam non potest fututricem. 
 Nam, dum tumenti mersus haeret in vulva, 
 Et vagientes intus audit infantes, 
 Partem gulosam solvit indecens morbus ; 
 Nec purus esse nunc potest, nec impums. 
 
 Manneius who performs a husband's part with his tongue,^ 
 and an adulterer's with his mouth, is more loathsome than 
 the cheeks of the vilest prostitutes. ^Vhen the filthy 
 brothel keeper saw him naked from the window of her 
 
98 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Subiiran^ den, she slammed tlie door in liis face, and would 
 rather gamahuclie him than kiss him. Manneiiis, who has 
 put his tongue in every secret hole^ in the body, and can 
 tell surely and certainly^ whether a boy or girl is in the 
 womb. Eejoice^ ye cunts for you will have nothing more 
 to do with him. His fucking^ tongue has no more strength, 
 for while he clings with his lips glued to the quim of a 
 pregnant^ woman, and listens to the foetus crying inside : 
 her courses^ came on and paralysed the root of his tongue. 
 Now he can neither be pure nor impure/^ 
 
 Oh husband that ne'er became father, 
 
 Oh lover whose sweetheart's a maid. 
 Who would delve love's soft acreage rather 
 
 With ought save its natural spade, 
 More foul than the cheeks of a harlot 
 
 With the slime of stale kisses o'erhung, 
 Oh potent, yet impotent varlet, 
 
 That's man but in tongue. 
 At whose coming the vilest whores hasten 
 
 To shut and to bar up their den. 
 From lips that care only to fasten 
 
 On what's shameful of women and men : 
 E'en the o'erburdened womb's gaping threshhold 
 
 By him is lasciviously sipped. 
 And he'll guess, as he sucks the soft flesh fold. 
 
 If a boy or a girl's to be slipped. 
 Oh tongue that was meant for a penis, 
 
 Oh head that was meant for a tail, 
 No more shall ye riot, and Venus 
 
 No more at your riots grow pale. 
 To thighs ye shall be no more mated. 
 
 No more shall soft cunnies be rung 
 With agonies not to be sated 
 
 By merelj^ a tongue ! 
 For while this most lustful of mortals 
 
 His slavering member had glued 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGEAMS. 
 
 99 
 
 To a vivified womb's hanging portals, 
 
 This terrible vengeance ensued : 
 The gods the closed fountains releasing 
 
 Of the woman, there rolled down a flood, 
 Kopy and clotted, unceasing. 
 
 Of menstrual blood. 
 And he rose amid gasping and choking. 
 
 And from his mouth hung 
 No longer a potent and poking 
 
 But paralysed tongue. 
 
 (') Calderini seems to have discovered a mare's nest 
 here, for he thinks that "Lingua maritus" means that he 
 pressed his lips to the thighs of his wife, and that 
 "moechus ore," signifies that his adultery consisted in 
 gamahuching other women than his wife. I confess I see no 
 distinction between " lingua maritus" and " moechus ore ;" 
 nor again can I see that a man would be much to blame 
 for kissing his own wife on the thigh. The fact is that 
 both these expressions equally have reference to gama- 
 huching, nor is it without point, for Manneius (the idea is), 
 was such an abandoned wretch that he Avould not even have 
 his wife or his mistresses in the natural manner. 
 
 (2) The quarter where the lowest jacks lived, our 
 " Swan Alley." 
 
 (3) Holes. Tubos. The commentators explain " Tubes," 
 " of a woman's quim." I must question the correctness of 
 this limitation, as it is joined with viscera, which is fre- 
 quently used of the rectum, as in Juv. Sat. ix. 43. Agere 
 inter viscera penem, i.e. to sodomise. 
 
 (^) Certainly, conscia. That is, he went up so far that he 
 could speak with authority as one who knew it for a fact. 
 
 (^) That is, the cunts will not be annoyed any more by 
 his foul practices. 
 
100 
 
 Martial's 
 
 (^) Fucking, fututricem, used facetiously of the tongue, 
 for " futuo" in Latin, as " fuck" in Englisli, is properly 
 only used of the legitimate sexual intercourse. 
 
 C^) Tumenti, pregnant, as the next line which mentions 
 the foetus sufficiently shews. Women's courses generally 
 cease during pregnancy. But of this fact probably Martial 
 was ignorant. The Eomans thought courses so disgusting, 
 that perhaps they did not inquire into these matters. See 
 the next note. 
 
 (8) i.e. his tongue, while he was in the act of gamahuch- 
 ing a woman, was inundated with a copious flow of the 
 courses, which paralysed it, so that he could not go in for 
 his favorite amusement afterwards. So Lemaire, paralysisme 
 oLTto rrfs cKpehpov Kal tmv kfx^rjvihyv. Indecens morbus. The 
 menstrual discharge, literally — the filthy disease. The 
 Eomans had very erroneous notions on this subject. Pliny, 
 VII. Cap. XV., gravely tells us that a woman's courses 
 destroy vegetation, that looking glasses lose their brightness 
 at the mere sight of them, that grass contracts a foul odour 
 by contact with them, that dogs go mad from licking any 
 of this blood, that bees die, etc., etc. All this is most 
 absurd, for the courses of a healthy woman are perfectly 
 wholesome and sweet. We can only refer our readers to 
 modern medical works for information on this subject. 
 Curious readers are referred to the Commentators on Pliny, 
 VII. XV. for the opinions of the ancients on this head. It 
 is just possible that Manneius had paralysis of the tongue, 
 and that Martial facetiously assigned this cause for it. We 
 can hardly believe that Martial really thought that para- 
 lysis of the tongue could be caused in this way. 
 
 (9) A man is said to be pure (physically) when his body 
 has no blemish or spot. He is said to be pure (morally) 
 when his mind is uncontaminated by vice. The meaning 
 then is, a man cannot be physically pure who has been 
 defiled by a woman's courses, nor mentally pure when his 
 mind is grossly diseased by his vicious practices, yet he 
 cannot be impure (physically) for he has no power to sin. 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 101 
 
 LXIII. TO PHILOMUSUS. 
 
 Spectas nos, Philomuse, cum lavamur, 
 Et quare milii tarn mutuniati 
 Sint leves pueri, subinde quaeris. 
 Dicam simpliciter tibi roganti : 
 Paedicant, Pbilomuse, curiosos. 
 
 You look at us, Pbilomusus/ while we take our bath ; 
 and you presently ask why I have graceful well hung 
 slaves. I will answer your question directly,'^ they bugger 
 the curious, Philomusus. 
 
 Philomusus, oft you eye us 
 
 In the bath, and then ask why 
 
 Handsome, well hung slaves are by us, 
 Dress, undress and rub us dry. 
 
 This answer, prying friend, I give. 
 
 They bugger the inquisitive. 
 
 (1) Philomusus was a passive bugger, as Martial hints by 
 telling us that Philomusus eagerly spied his slaves persons, 
 that is — their pricks and not their bottoms. 
 
 (^) Directly, to the point," simply" Latin sim- 
 
 pliciter." 
 
 LXXI. ON LEDA. 
 
 Hystericam vetulo se dixerat esse marito 
 Et queritur futui Leda necesse sibi ; 
 
 Sed flens atque gemens tanti negat esse salutem 
 Seque refert potius proposuisse mori. 
 
 p 
 
102 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Vir rogat, ut vivat virides nec deserat annos, 
 
 Et fieri quod iam non facit ipse sinit. 
 Protinus accedunt medici medicaeque recedunt, 
 
 ToUunturque pedes. 0 medicina gravis ! 
 
 Leda"^ told lier aged hnsbaiid slae had tlie green sickness, 
 and required stroking. But with, siglis and tears slie says 
 life is not worth so great a price, and vows she would 
 rather die. Her husband implores her to live and to des- 
 pise not the flower of her youth, and he allows to be done 
 what he cannot do himself. Soon come the medical men 
 and the nurses^ are sent away. And she regains'^ the use of 
 her legs ; oh, how severe a remedy ! 
 
 Thus Leda to her aged spouse, 
 
 " Heaven defend thy reverend brows, 
 
 " But alas my womb is choking 
 
 Bursting — all for want of poking ; 
 " Life demands it, sooner I 
 " Than pay so dear for life, would die." 
 " 0 spare me," cried her other part, 
 " With words like these you break my heart, 
 " Shall dearest wifey talk of death 
 " If remedies can keep her breath ?" 
 She yields at last, the artful doxy. 
 And he, to have her poked by proxy. 
 The nurse retires, the doctors ply 
 Their fingers in the dainty pie, 
 And probes of flesh and blood they try : 
 Ma'am's face assumes a healthy glow. 
 Her legs their wonted action know, 
 Leda's herself in youth and beauty. 
 The doctors have discharged — their duty, 
 
 (1) Leda's husband was an old man and could not do 
 the trick, and hence Leda got ill from being deprived of 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGEAMS. 
 
 10 
 
 those pleasures which nature intended her to enjoy. Per- 
 haps she found no opportunity of committing adultery on 
 the sly, and therefore when her husband says she looks 
 ill, etc., she tells him that her "petite affaire" is out of 
 oilier, and that the wheels want greasing. 
 
 (2) We suffer here from the want of two words to ex- 
 I)ress the antithesis. The Latin has medici, medicae ; the 
 Italian — medici, mediche. 
 
 (■^) Tolluntur pedes : used sensu obscoeno of the venereal 
 act, " to twist the legs in a knot over a man's bottom and 
 trot." We have no way of expressing the double meaning 
 of this and " she regains her health." 
 
 LXXII. ON NATA. 
 
 Drauci Nata sui vocat pipinnam, 
 Collatus cui Gallus est Priapus. 
 
 Nata calls the member of his lover, " little cockej^," com- 
 pared with whom Priapus is but a castrated priest of 
 Cybele. 
 
 Priapus himself would a eunuch appear. 
 
 Were Draucus beside with his giant like spear, 
 
 Yet Nata voraciously takes it inside him, 
 
 Altho' you would swear it must surely divide him : 
 
 So monstrous a tickler would Ganymede shock, 
 
 Yet Nata will call it a dear little cock. 
 
 Eeading, Drauci Nata sui vocat pipinnam : others vepenem 
 with the same meaning. Scriverius reads, voratne penem ? 
 does Nata gamahuche the member of his Draucus ? which, 
 however, gives us no point. Draucus always means " an 
 active sodomite." 
 
104 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 LXXTII. TO LYGDUS. 
 
 Venturiim iuras semper niihi, Lygde, roganti 
 Constituisque horam constituisque locum. 
 
 Cum frustra iacui longa prurigine tentus, 
 Succurrit pro te saepe sinistra mihi. 
 
 Quid precer, o fallax, meritis et moriMs istis ? 
 Umbellam luscae, Lygde, feras dominae. 
 
 When I ask your favours, Lygdus, you always swear 
 you will come, and you name the hour and the place. 
 While I lie racked by prolonged lust in vain waiting for 
 you, my left hand often supplies your place. ^ What impre- 
 cation shall I utter, deceitful wretch, for this your beha- 
 viour ? may you hold a parasol'-^ for a blear-eye'd mistress. 
 
 You swear you'll come, you name the time and place, 
 
 Whene'er I ask of you one fond embrace : 
 
 The live long night I wait, racked with desire, 
 
 Kigid with lust, and all my veins on fire, 
 
 And ofttimes thinking of your girlish frame 
 
 My left hand quenches the devouring flame. 
 
 In bitterness of heart I'll ask my god 
 
 To curse you, lying and deceitful sod. 
 
 May you ne'er stir from out your threshold's door, 
 
 Save at the heels of some damned one eye'd whore. 
 
 (») So Juvenal, Sat. VI. 238— 
 
 Impatiensque morae pavet et praeputia ducit, 
 
 that is, " he is impatient and all in a tremor, and he pulls 
 back the foreskin or masturbates." Horace, in the Journey 
 to Brundusium, tells us that he was deceived by a young 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 105 
 
 lady who had made an assignation with him, but in his 
 case he fell asleep from waiting vainly for her, and a wet 
 dream relieved him. 
 
 (^) i.e. be at her beck and call. 
 
 The older interpretation is somewhat fanciful, Calderini 
 gives the following commentary : — 
 
 He complains that he is often deceived by Lygdus, on 
 whom he utters this imprecation, * may he cover a penis 
 with a cap' " (or parasol). Umbella is a covering for the 
 head to keep off the sun's rays ; this then is the point of 
 the epigram, " Blear eye'd mistress," is used in an obscene 
 sense for the penis, and the meaning is, may you cover a 
 penis with your mouth" (like an umbrella), for Lygdus 
 gamaliuched men, as we read elsewhere in Martial, XII. 
 Ixxii. 
 
 Nihil mihi negabas, 
 in the sense of ^'you used to gamahuche me." 
 
 LXXIV. TO BACCARA. 
 
 Curandum penem commisit Baccara Graecus 
 Eivali medico. Baccara Gallus erit. 
 
 The Grecian Baccara went to have his penis cured by a 
 
 physician, who loved his mistress, Baccara will lose^ his 
 
 nationality. 
 
 A Greek, a victim to venereal woes, 
 
 To show his penis to a doctor goes ; 
 
 The doctor is his rival, and t' improve 
 
 His chances to secure the lady's love. 
 
 And snatch the damsel from his rival's arms. 
 
 He'll dock the greatest of his patient's charms. 
 
106 
 
 MARTI ALS 
 
 Who'll seem no Greoiau after lie's been mauled 
 By treachery's knife, he'll feel so devilish gaulled. 
 
 (^) There is a pun here upon the word " Gallus," which 
 signifies a castrated priest of Cybele, and also a Gaul. The 
 23oet facetiously says that Baccara will be changed from 
 a Greek into a Gaul, not a " Gallus of Gallia," but a 
 " Gallus of Cybele," for the physician, who is his rival, 
 will amputate his prick, in order that he may enjoy his 
 rival's mistress all to himself. 
 
 LXXV. TO CAELIA. 
 
 Theca tectus ahenea lavatur 
 Tecum, Caelia, servus ; ut quid, oro, 
 Non sit cum citharoedus aut choraules ? 
 Non vis, ut puto, mentulam videre. 
 Quare cum populo lavaris ergo ? 
 Omnes an tibi nos sumus spadones ? 
 Ergo, ne videaris in videre, 
 Servo, Caelia, fibulam remitte. 
 
 Your slave, Caelia^, goes to the bath with you with a 
 brass fibula over his person. Why is this pray ? since he 
 is not a minstreP or a flute player. You do not wish, I 
 take it, to see his prick. Why then do you take your bath 
 in public ? Are we all eunuchs in your eyes ? Therefore 
 that you may not appear envious, take off your slave's 
 fibula, Caelia. 
 
 When you go to the bath with your slave by your 
 side. 
 
 You're careful his penis in breeches to hide : 
 
BOOK XI. EPIGRAMS. 107 
 
 But why take tins trouble, for as lie can't sing, 
 Whate'er you're preserving, his tone's not the thing. 
 You tell us you're modest, and can't bear to see, 
 The trifle that reaches half way down his knee ; 
 But as you bathe amongst us, you're fairly checkmated. 
 Unless you suppose that we've all been castrated. 
 So if greedy and selfish you would not be known, 
 Next time bid him, Caelia, his breeches let down. 
 
 (') See supra. Book VII. Epig. xxxiv., and the notes 
 thereon. Caelia bathed in the public baths with the rest of 
 the world, and yet was so modest forsooth, that she had her 
 slave's privates carefully concealed. No ! says Martial, w^e 
 can't believe this. The fact is you want your slave's virile 
 powers all to yourself, so you put on the fibula that he may 
 not have connexion with any body else : For if the ladies 
 or the passive sodomites saw his noble appendages, they 
 would, doubtless, endeavour to seduce him. Do you, 
 Caelia, therefore, if you don't want us to think you so 
 envious, take off his fibula, that we may enjoy the sight of 
 your slave's ''great concern." 
 
 (^) As excessive venery makes the voice weak, minstrels 
 and singers used artificial means to restrain their passions, 
 and so nobles, whose slaves were good musicians, made 
 them wear the fibula, that they might not womanise. The 
 fibula was somewhat like the ring in a hog's nose, and 
 people who wore the fibula generally concealed their pri- 
 vates : so Caelia's slave may, or may not, have had the 
 fibula "underneath his drawers," but from seeing him 
 " wear drawers" Martial facetiously concludes that he wears 
 a fibula, or, perhaps, it may have been Martial's intention 
 to hint that Caelia put on a fibula {i.e. a ring through the 
 prepuce) which she only knew how to undo. 
 
108 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 LXXVIII. TO VICTOR. 
 
 Utere femineis complexibns, utere, Victor, 
 
 Ignotuniqne sibi mentula discat opus. 
 Flammea texuntur sponsae, iam virgo paratur, 
 
 Tondebit pueros iam nova nupta tuos. 
 Paedicare semel ciipido dabit ilia marito, 
 
 Dum metuit teli volnera prima iiovi. 
 Saepius boc fieri nutrix materque vetabunt 
 
 Et dicent : "Uxor, non puer, ista tibi est." 
 Heu quantos aestus, quantos patiere labores. 
 
 Si fuerit cimiius res peregrina tibi ! 
 Ergo Suburanae tironem trade magistrae. 
 
 Ilia virum faciet ; non bene virgo docet. 
 
 Try, Victor", try a woman's embrace, and let your prick 
 learn an operation now unknown to it. The veil is woven 
 for the bride, the virgin is ready, your affiancee will now 
 cut the hair^ off your slaves. She will allow her eager 
 husband to sodomise her once, while she dreads the first 
 wounds of an untried weapon. Her nurse and her mother^ 
 will not allow this to be done oftener, and they will say 
 she is your wife, she is not your catamite. Oh what toil, 
 what labours will you undergo, if a cunt is strange to you ! 
 Therefore hand over the tyro to a Suburan school mistress 
 she will make him a man : a virgin is not a good teacher. 
 
 Victor, quit your hateful life, 
 
 Henceforth pledged to marriage joys, 
 Wed the long unthought of wife. 
 
 And think of making, not abusing, boys ! 
 The veil is wov'n, the maidens come. 
 
 And timid hope the bride engages. 
 Who shall soon adorn your home. 
 
 And turn your long-haired slaves to dapper pages. 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 109 
 
 Prepare 3^our weapon for tlie slieatTi 
 
 Where sexual fondness bids it glide, 
 Nor in the scabbard underneath 
 
 Think, as your hoyisli loves, t' enjoy your bride : 
 If at first but faint resistance 
 
 Meet a wrong directed aim. 
 Her mother will compel desistance 
 
 And tell you, wives and hoys are not the same. 
 Then you'll toil, with ill feigned pleasure. 
 
 Through paths to your desires unknown, 
 Nor esteem a priceless treasure . 
 
 The pretty virgin rosebud scarce full blown. 
 First then, for instruction turn 
 
 To some vet'ran venal beauty, 
 She will teach, what you should learn, 
 
 A woman's wants, a loving husband's duty. 
 
 {}) Martial advises his friend A-^ictor, who was about to 
 marry, and who had never had a woman, to take some 
 lessons from a whore, since he would not learn the " twists 
 and the turns" from an inexperienced virgin, and would 
 consequently, think poking (somewhat unjustly) poor fun, 
 since two unsophisticated people would make a bungle of it. 
 
 ('•^) Youi' slaves, whom you have used as catamites, will 
 have their long hair cut off, for your wife, now that you 
 are married, will make you give them up, and they will 
 not be so likely to be attractive when their long girlish 
 hair is cropped. 
 
 (-''') Nurse and mamma will question her about the event, 
 and wliat her husband did to lier, how she liked it, etc. 
 
 (^) IModerniscd, Go to a Haymarket prostitute." 
 
 LXXXT. ox AX OLD MAX AXP A ETJXUCH.^ 
 
 Cum sene eommunem^vexat spado Dindjanus Aegien 
 Et iacet hi medio sicca puella toro, 
 
 Q 
 
110 
 
 Mx\ktial's 
 
 Viribus hie operi non est, liic inutilis annis : 
 Ergo sine effectu prurit ntrique labor. 
 
 Supplex ilia rogat pro se miserisque duobus, 
 Hunc iuvenem facias, himc, Cj^tberea, virum. 
 
 The eunucb Dindymus toys witb and wearies Aegle^ in 
 common witb an old man, and tbe poor girl lies between 
 them, witbout love's balmy tribute. One bas not tbe 
 power to do it, tbe otber is useless from bis years, and 
 tberefore tbey both toil witbont effect, and excite tbeir 
 passions. On ber knees Aegle implores you, 0 Venus, for 
 berself and for ber two wretcbed paramours, to make tbe 
 one young, and tbe otber a man. 
 
 Poor Aegle ! sure tby wretcbed fate is bard. 
 
 Since tbou from love's deligbts art ever barred. 
 
 A senile lover and a eunucb spouse 
 
 Only suffice tby passions to arouse. 
 
 In vain tbey try tby ardour to appease 
 
 By amorous touch and still more amorous squeeze ; 
 
 Age and castration have deprived them now 
 
 Of that rich fluid which from each should flow. 
 
 Thy prayer to Venus then fair maid must be, 
 
 (A prayer recited on tby bended knee,) 
 
 " Sweet Aphrodite list to her who calls, 
 
 Give that one youth, and this a pair of balls !" 
 
 Q) The poet commiserates Aegle, who had married a 
 eunuch and had an old man for a gallant, for neither could 
 perform " the whole duty of man." The miserable 
 woman would therefore pray to Venus to make the eunucb 
 a man, and " the ancient of days" young. 
 
 ('^) Tries in every way to do it, rubs it up against her 
 quim, pulls her about, wearies ber and harasses her witb 
 the empty shadow of pleasure. 
 
b;){)k XT. 
 
 111 
 
 LXXXV. TO ZOILUS. 
 
 Sidere percussa est subito tibi, Zoile, lingua, 
 Dam lingis. Certe, Zoile, nunc futues. 
 
 Zoilus your tongue was suddenly paralj^sed,^ while you 
 were gamahucbing ; surely, Zoilus, yon will fuck now. 
 
 Zoilus, your tongue has lost its lissome force. 
 You cannot gamabucbe — you'll fuck of course ! 
 
 (^) Paralysed, " Blasted, planet struck." Forcellini, in 
 voce, sidus. Compare Epigram LXI. ix. of tbis Book. 
 
 Gaudete cunni ; vestra namque res acta est. 
 
 LXXXVII. TO GHARIDEMUS. 
 
 Dives eras quondam : sed tunc paedico fuisti 
 
 Et tibi nulla diu femina nata fuit. 
 Nunc sectaris anus. 0 quantum cogit egestas ! 
 
 Ilia futntorem te, Cbarideme, facit. 
 
 You were ricb formerly ; but then you were a pederast ; 
 and woman was long unknown to you. Now joii go after 
 old women. Ob bow great is the power of poverty ! 
 Poverty makes you a womaniser, Charidemus.* 
 
 When erst, Charidemus, folks envied your wealth, 
 A boy only kindled love's flames. 
 
112 
 
 mahtial's 
 
 But now it's all spent, you melt down your healtli 
 In the arms of lewd middle aged dames. 
 
 Old women will pay for wliat boys must be paid, 
 And poverty — horrid disaster ! 
 
 That's often converted to whoredom a maid, 
 Has made you an arrant whore-master. 
 
 Q) Charidemus spent all his money on boys and ruined 
 himself. Consequently he has to get a livelihoood, and this 
 he does by fucking old women and getting paid for it. 
 Poverty, then, which generally leads men to commit crimes, 
 has the opposite effect on Charidemus, for it makes him give 
 up sodomy and take to natural pleasures. 
 
 LXXXVIII. TO LUPUS ON CIIARISIANUS. 
 
 Multis iam, Lupe, posse se diebus 
 Paedicare negat Charisianus. 
 Causam cum modo quaererent sodales, 
 Ventrem dixit habere se solutum. 
 
 Lupus, it is now many days since Charisianus said that 
 he could not enjoy his favourite amusement.^ When his 
 friends recently asked him the reason, he said his bowels 
 were loose. 
 
 The wretch, whose rival charms inflame 
 
 With jealousy the female race. 
 Laments he must give o'er his game 
 
 And to them for a time give place : 
 His lovers mourn that they must sever, 
 
 But an ample reason's found. 
 
BOOK XI. EPIGRAMS. 113 
 
 He owns his tastes are loose as ever, 
 But says his bowels are unbound. 
 
 (^) The Latin has "paedicare" to bugger. Paedico sig- 
 nifies both the active and passive part of the sodomitical 
 act, but I question whether either " bugger" or " sodomise" 
 does this in English ; they both, I think, mean and convey 
 to our mind " the active part of it." The joke then is, 
 Charisianus says, he " goes in for sodomy," and gives the 
 world at large to understand that he was the active agent 
 in the amusement, but when it was noticed that he had not 
 been with a boy for some time, he was asked the reason of 
 it, and without thinking, he said, " his bowels were loose 
 Thus shewing he was passive and not active. 
 
 XCV. TO FLACCUS. 
 
 Incideris quotiens in basia fellatorum, 
 In solium puta te mergere, Flacce, caput. 
 
 As often as you happen to be kissed by a g-amahucher, 
 Flaccus', imagine that you are putting your head in a bidet. 
 
 As often Flaccus as you sip, 
 
 Not fastidious in your joy, 
 A gamahucher's rosy lip, 
 
 Fragrant from its last night's toy, 
 Think the mouth you kiss and slaver 
 Has been a most dishonoured laver. 
 
 C) Martial s]3ortively alludes to the fact that Flaccus had 
 been kissed hy a man who was known to be a gamahucher. 
 
114 
 
 maktial's 
 
 Gamalmcliers may be said to wash pricks or cunts in their 
 mouths. Therefore to kiss a gamahucher is like washing 
 your face in a bidet, i.e. a basin used specially for washing 
 private parts. 
 
 XGVII. TO TELESILLA. 
 
 Una nocte quater j)ossum : sed quattuor annis 
 Si possum, peream, te Telesilla semel. 
 
 In a night I can do it four times, but in four years, Tele- 
 silla, may I die, if I could poke you once. 
 
 Four times a night I manage very well 
 ♦ With decent girls to do the loving stroke : 
 But in four years — may I be damned in hell, 
 If Martial once could Telesilla poke I 
 
 XCIX. TO LESBIA. 
 
 De cathedra quotiens surgis — iam saepe notavi — 
 
 Paedicant miserae, Lesbia, te tunicae. 
 Quas cum conata es dextra, conata sinistra 
 
 Yellere, cum lacrimis eximis et gemitu. 
 Sic constringuntur gemina Symplegade culi 
 
 Et Minyas intrant Cyaneasque nates. 
 Emendare cupis vitium deforme ? docebo : 
 
 Lesbia, nec surgas censeo, nec sedeas. 
 
 Whenever you rise from your seat (I have often re- 
 marked it), your dress sodomises you, poor Lesbia, ^ and 
 when you try to pull it out with your right hand and with 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRA3IS. 
 
 115 
 
 your left hand, you remove it with tears and groans. So 
 tightly is yonr dress squeezed in between the twin rock2 of 
 your bottom, and it enters the Minyan and Cyanean but- 
 tocks. Do you wish to cure yourself of a hideous defect ? 
 I will tell you how : I think you should neither rise, Lesbia, 
 nor sit down. 
 
 Whenever, Lesbia, from your chair you rise. 
 Your dress is tightly drawn between your thighs, 
 And pla3^s, I've noticed, in your hindmost site 
 The active part of some vile sodomite : 
 You strive, while plaintive sighs your lips escape, 
 Left hand and right, to stop the woollen rape. 
 Dragging ^''our dress from 'twixt the tight'ning grips 
 Of those twin Minyan rocks that grace your hips ; 
 But the moist lips of your jioor longing quim 
 Cling to your robe and glue 3^ou limb to limb. 
 Would you be cured of such a hideous vice ? 
 Lesbia, nor rise nor sit is my advice, 
 Lie on your bottom, free from clothes, and seek 
 The aid of some stout youth to plug the leak. 
 
 Q) This epigram is excessively difficult to translate, nor 
 could the meaning be given without such a paraphrase as 
 would destroy all pretence to a literal translation. In this 
 case, therefore, we have adhered to our plan of giving a 
 literal rendering in the text leaving the elucidation of the 
 meaning to the notes. 
 
 Two opposite interpretations are offered of the point of 
 this epigram. Calderini, who is followed by Smids and 
 others, says that it is a satire on a woman who was very 
 fat and who had the piles. In favour of this it may be 
 urged that the clothes clinging to the bottom and being 
 pulled out with difficulty, is very appropriately and wittily 
 expressed by the word paedicant." In line 6 there is an 
 old reading " vel nimias" given for et Minyas" which 
 
116 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 would clearly apply to fatness. But tlie fatal (as it seems 
 to us) objection to this view is the intolerable tameness of 
 this latter portion of this epigram. A woman has bad 
 piles and her clothes getting between her nates irritate 
 them. To tell her neither to rise or sit but to lie down, 
 would be very good advice from a physician, but Martial 
 does not appear in this character. 
 
 The other interpretation makes Lesbia to be a modest 
 girl, who, when she sat down and rose up, was so afraid of 
 exposing her legs, etc., that she always carefully gathered 
 her dress up round her, and so tightly that it got entangled 
 between her nates and so sodomised her. But the objec- 
 tion to this is that the difficulty she experiences in pulling 
 her dress from her bottom is a great exaggeration, and could 
 only be permitted for the sake of a good point. 
 
 The interpretation which we submit to our readers is free 
 from all these objections, and contains a beautiful idea. 
 Lesbia really was lasci\T[ous, though she affected modesty. 
 When she sat down and conversed with men, her feelings 
 got the better of her, and she sjoent, and her thighs and 
 perineum grew warm and moist from excitement. When 
 she rose therefore her dress would naturally cling to her, 
 and, as the humidity was about her genitals, it would exactly 
 make her dress tight between the nates and keep it so from 
 the viscous matter between her legs. To puU the dress 
 away under these circumstances would be a matter of con- 
 siderable difficulty, and we all know when we have made 
 ourselves a little warm by walking in summer, the shirt 
 clings to our bottom and perinaeum and is most disagreeable. 
 The advice in either of these two last interpretations is the 
 same. " Lie down," that is offer yourselves freely to us 
 that we may cure you, i.e. poke you, or as Lemaire's para- 
 phase is, but lie on your back, as if offering an oppor- 
 tunity for all the lovers who come to you." Copula- 
 tion in this case will be, of coursCj " la methode a la 
 papa." 
 
 (^) Twin rock — Symplegade, so called because they 
 seemed to run together as ships passed them in the distance. 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 117 
 
 (^) Minyas. The rocks so called because the Argonauts 
 passed them on their expedition. Cyaneas — two islands in 
 the Pontus Euxinus, opposite the Thracian Bosphorus. The 
 Minyae and Cyaneae were different names for the same 
 islands. 
 
 The idea is, " your dress is pressed in as tightly as the 
 beak of the ship Argo in the juncture of the Cyaneae or 
 Symplegades Insulae, which the Thessalian Minyae and 
 other Argonauts crossed." See above, Note 2. A ship pass- 
 ing through the Symplegades seemed to people at a distance 
 to be tightly wedged in between the two rocks. 
 
 CIV. TO HIS WIFE. 
 
 Uxor, vade foras, aut moribus utere nostris : 
 
 Non ego sum Curius, non Numa, non Tatius. 
 Me iucunda iuvant tractae per pocula noctes ; 
 
 Tu properas pota surgere tristis aqua. 
 Tu tenebris gaudes : me ludere teste lucerna, 
 
 Et iuvat admissa rumpere luce latus. 
 Fascia te tunicaeque obscuraque pallia celant : 
 
 At mihi nulla satis nuda puella iacet. 
 Basia me capiunt blandas imitata columbas : 
 
 Tu mihi das, aviae qualia mane soles. 
 Nec motu dignaris opus nec voce iuvare, 
 
 Nec digitis : tanquam tura merumque pares. 
 Masturbabantur Phrygii post ostia servi, 
 
 Hectoreo quotiens sederat uxor equo. 
 Et quamvis Ithaco stertente pudica solebat 
 
 Illic Penelope semper habere manum. 
 Paedicare negas : dabat hoc Cornelia Graccho, 
 
 Julia Pompeio, Porcia, Brute, tibi. 
 Dulcia Dardanio nondum miscente ministro 
 
 Pocula luno fuit pro Ganymede lovi. 
 Si te delectat gravitas, Lucretia toto 
 
 Sis licet usque die, Ijaida nocte volo. 
 
 R 
 
lis 
 
 MAIlTIAl/s 
 
 Wife, away, or conform to iny liabits •} I am not a 
 Curius, or a Numa, or a Tatius. I like the liours of night 
 prolonged in luscious cups. You drink water and are for 
 ever hurrying from the table with a sombre mien ; you 
 like the dark ; I like a lam]3 to witness my pleasures, and 
 in the light of dawn to tire my loins. Drawers and night 
 gowns and long robes cover you, but no girl can be too 
 naked for me. For me be kisses like the cooing doves ;^ 
 , your kisses are like those you give your grandmother in 
 
 p» i^'J' the morning. You do not condescend to assist the perform- 
 / ance by your movements,^ or your sighs,-^ or your hand, 
 [you behave] as if you were taking the sacrament.^ The 
 Phrygian slaves masturbated themselves behind the couch 
 whenever Hector's wife rode St. George,? and, however 
 much Ulysses snored, the chaste Penelope always had her 
 hand there. You forbid my sodomising you. Cornelia 
 granted this favour to Gracchus, Julia to Pompey, Porcia 
 to Brutus. Before the Dardan boy mixed the luscious cup, 
 Juno was a Ganymede to Jupiter. If you are so fond of 
 propriety, be a Lucretia to your heart's content all day ; I 
 want a Lais at night. 
 
 Hence icy wife, that can impart no joys, 
 
 Be Curius' dame or Numa's nymph ethereal, 
 Since dull propriety your mind employs. 
 
 Averse to pleasures — Bacchic or Venereal. 
 Away, unless you can your spouse delight. 
 
 Nor mar late wine cups with your angry stare ; 
 You cloud enjoyment in the gloom of night, 
 
 I court caresses where the tapers glare. 
 Joy in my joy, let loving fingers rove 
 
 O'er charms unveiled, and amorously press 
 The polished thigh, nor spurn a husband's love 
 
 With the cold flatness of a clothed caress. 
 Your kisses should be long and full of bliss 
 
 As those young turtles to their mates discover, 
 You baulk me with a hast}^ granddam's kiss, 
 
 While I would lose the husband in the lover. 
 
BOOK XI. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 119 
 
 Coldly your hand, to win tlie nuptial due. 
 
 Guides Cupid's sliaft to Venus' rosy cleft, 
 Dull priests would thus some ancient rite pursue, 
 
 The spirit fled, the form unmeaning left. 
 Lo ! Hector's wife ujDon her lord supine 
 
 The wanton thoughts of gaping urchins raised. 
 While at the grandeur of the sight divine 
 
 Attendant girls turned tribades as they gazed. 
 Ulysses' wife with taper fingers strove 
 
 Some joy to find when spousy was abroad ; 
 And chaste Cornelia oft to show her love 
 
 Granted that other favor to her lord. 
 Then why withold the bliss Cornelia gave, 
 
 And modest Julia ; and of Portia fair 
 Grave Brutus needed but to ask to have, 
 
 Betwixt her undulating buttocks bare ? 
 Ere yet the Dardan boy, to fill the bowl 
 
 For toping gods, the eagles theft had given. 
 Melted in extacy the Thunderer's soul. 
 
 Behind the beauties of the Queen of Heaven. 
 Cold as the steel that pierced her bleeding heart, 
 
 Would 3^ou be guided by CoUatia's bride ? 
 All day, in God's name, act Lucretia's part. 
 
 But oh, be Lais at yom^ husband's side ! 
 
 (^) Habits. As if diversity of taste and habits ought to 
 be a cause of divorce. 
 
 (2) Lat. Eumpere latus, lit. break down my side, that is 
 do my utmost : exert myself ep rCj tyis TroXvxpvaov ^ A(l)pobiTr)s 
 epywin the chaste language of the Commentators. 
 
 (^) Doves were supposed to be very salacious birds. 
 
 (^) The Komans had a great idea that both sexes 
 should do their duty in the performance. They had a 
 technical term " crisso," to express the movement of the ,^i^ L/5< 
 hips, whence Juvenal, 
 
 Ipsa Medullinae fluctum crissantis adorat." 
 
120 
 
 Martial's 
 
 that is the motion of MeduUina's thighs as of waves rising 
 and falling. 
 
 (^) Also that lascivious sighs and murmurings assisted. 
 The "my love!" ''my life!" "my darling!" The "Ah 
 quel plaisir !" " Je me pame " of the French. 
 
 (^) Literally as if you were preparing frankincense and 
 wine for a libation to the gods. That is, you use your 
 fingers in so sombre, serious, and pious a manner, that you 
 handle my prick as if it were some sanctified offering to 
 the deities. " Taking the Sacrament," expresses the idea 
 very well. Those of our readers who are in the habit of 
 " communicating" must have noticed the awful seriousness 
 of young ladies when they take the consecrated elements 
 between their thumb and forefinger. Imagine a girl so 
 utterly lost to all the duties of wedlock as to treat her 
 husband's penis in this manner ! 
 
 C^) Ovid mentions the fact that Hector and Andromache 
 sometimes chose this position. The meaning is, Andro- 
 mache, whose reputation is so unsullied, yet gratified 
 Hector by copulating in abnormal positions. The most 
 chaste Eoman matrons have always yielded to their hus- 
 band's entreaties, and have permitted sodomy. You have 
 thus no precedent among those of your own sex who are 
 most celebrated for virtue and modesty, for being so un- 
 -villing to oblige. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 121 
 
 BOOK XII. 
 
 XXXIII. TO LABIENUS. 
 
 Ut pneros emeret Labieniis, vendidit liortos. 
 Nil nisi ficetum nunc Labienus habet. 
 
 To buy boys, Labienus sold bis gardens : Labienus now 
 bas notbing but a grove of figs.^ 
 
 His gardens witb tbeir piles of fruit are sold, 
 
 And Labienus witb tbe price defiles 
 Himself in purcbased boys, be migbt be told 
 
 He's lost tbe fruit, and only owns tbe piles. 
 
 (1) An untranslateable pun. Tbe idea is, tbere is notbing 
 left to Labienus from bis gardens but a field sown witb 
 figs, tbat is, tbe boys from being sodomised are " ficosos," 
 or afflicted witb piles. Tbe word ficus," signifies figs 
 and also piles. Labienus, of course, ran tbrougb bis pro- 
 perty in gratifying bis sodomitical tastes. 
 
 XXXV. TO CALLISTRATUS. 
 
 Tanquam simpliciter mecum, Callistrate, vivas, 
 Dicere percisum te mibi saepe soles. 
 
122 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Non es tarn simplex, qnani vis, Callistrate, credi. 
 Nam quisqnis narrat talia, plnra tacet. 
 
 Callistratns you live with me on tlie frankest terms I 
 you .often tell me you liave been sodomised. You are 
 not so simple as you wish me to believe, Callistratus ; for 
 those who make these confessions leave a great deal uncon- 
 fessed.^ 
 
 Callistratus so open you appear, 
 
 Your pathic taste so freely you express, 
 
 That, for the life of me, I can't but fear 
 
 One taste remains your tongue would not confess ! 
 
 (i) The meaning of this epigram is as follows : — You 
 confess you have been sodomised : now any man who con- 
 fesses this, confesses it in order to conceal a greater vice. 
 You think that if you tell us you are a catamite, whatever 
 opinion we have of your morality, at any rate we shall 
 give you credit for honesty. Not so, says Martial, we 
 see through your ruse, you tell us this to throw us off 
 the scent that we may not suspect the truth, i.e. that 
 you gamahuche. 
 
 XLIII. TO SABELLUS. 
 
 Facundos mihi de libidinosis 
 Legist! nimium, Sabelle, versus, 
 Quales nec Didymae sciunt puellae, 
 Nec molles Elephantidos libelli. 
 Sunt illic Veneris novae figurae, 
 Quales perditus audeat fututor : 
 Praestent et taceant quid exoleti, 
 
BOOK XII. EPIGRAMS. 123 
 
 Quo symplegmate quinqiie copuleiitnr, 
 Qua plures teueantur a catena, 
 Extinctam liceat quid ad luceriiani. 
 Tanti non erat, esse te disertum. 
 
 You have read to me, Sabellus,' enough and more than 
 enough of verses that gioAv with eloquent fire on obscene 
 subjects, which not even the girls of Didyma"^ know of, nor 
 the voluptuous volumes of Elephantis. In them there are 
 new forms of A^enerj^ ; such as a debauchee lost to all sense 
 of shame would attempt ; things which those grown old 
 in years and vice would do and yet dare not mention : a 
 group^ where five are joined in copulation, a chain where 
 numbers are linked in venery ; things which might be 
 allow^ed when the lights'^ are put out. The subject was 
 not wortli"^ such poetic eloquence as you have wasted on it. 
 
 I have read your lines, Sabellus, 
 
 Finished with poetic art. 
 But alas, their raptures tell us 
 
 Of a foul and sensual heart ; 
 Prostitutes would shrink amazed 
 
 At yoiu' tales of unknow^n lust ; 
 Elephantis (she who praised 
 
 Letchery) would feel disgust ; 
 Forms of venery that might please 
 
 Hoar}^ sinners lost to shame, 
 Stimulants for debauchees. 
 
 Which they'd scarcely dare to name, 
 Five as one wave undulating, 
 
 Tribades all or sodomites, 
 Shamelessly are copulating 
 
 In the glare of many lights. 
 Sabellus you have prostituted 
 
 The most noble gifts of God, 
 On obsceneness only suited 
 
 To tlie most abandoned Sod. 
 
124 Martial's 
 
 (') Sabellus was evidently an erotic poet wliose specialite 
 was amorous quartetts and quintetts. 
 
 (^) The readings vary between Didymi and Didymae : 
 Didymi has the advantage in that we know where Didymus 
 was, and that Apollo had a temple there. Of Didyma, 
 which is supported by better MS. authority, we know 
 absolutely nothing. It is uncertain whether Elephantis was 
 a man or a woman. The latter opinion is perhaps the most 
 general. From all the notices left we must conclude that 
 these poems were passionately sensuous and much in the 
 style of Sappho. 
 
 (^) These groups of men and women linked together 
 were the special delight of Tiberius. 
 
 (*) i.e. But in your work the dramatis personae are so 
 shameless that they copulate in numbers all linked together 
 in the full glare of the candles. 
 
 (•^) These things were unworthy of being wrought up 
 with so much labour, eloquence and polish. 
 
 LV. TO YOUNG LADIES. 
 
 Gratis qui dare vos iubet, pnellae, 
 Insulsissimus impro])issimusque est. 
 Gratis ne date, basiate gratis. 
 Hoc Aegle negat, hoc avara vendit. 
 •tSed vendat bene, basiare quantum est ? 
 Hoc vendit quoque nec levi rapina ;t 
 Aut libram petit ilia Cosmiani, 
 Aut binos quater a nova moneta : 
 Ne sint basia mnta nec maligna, 
 Nec clusis aditum neget labellis. 
 Humane tamen hoc facit, sed unum : 
 Gratis quae dare basium recusat, 
 Gratis lingere nec recusat Aegle. 
 
 The man who bids you, young ladies, grant your favours 
 for nothing, is a most impertinent and unconscionable 
 
BOOK XII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 125 
 
 fellow. Grant not your favours for nothing, but give us 
 kisses for nothing. Aegle refuses : in her avarice she even 
 sells her kisses. fBut whatever a kiss be worth, let her^ 
 sell it for a good price. She gets a price for it by her 
 great importunity.'^f Either she wants a pound of scent 
 or eight new Flavii,^ that her kisses may not be dumb^ or 
 given niggardly,^ and that her lips may not be closed to the 
 approach of the tongTie. Yet in this she acts charitably,*^ 
 but there is one thing ; Aegle who will not kiss for love, 
 will gamahuche for love. 
 
 Ladies, your unpaid favors 
 
 For love to bid you grant, 
 Of lack of conscience savours, 
 
 Of decency the want ; 
 Let devotees of pleasure, 
 
 Till they've paid the toll. 
 But taste in part your treasure, 
 
 And not enjoy the whole. 
 Aegle 's priced all over ; 
 
 Her lips she'll even sell ; 
 She's learned to kiss a lover. 
 
 But how to charge as well. 
 Eight new Flavians buy her. 
 
 Perfume comes not amiss, 
 But none or they belie her, 
 
 Have ever stol'n a kiss. 
 Gold loosens all restrictions 
 
 Manners, tongue, and zone ; 
 Noisy kisses, tonguing frictions. 
 
 Are the generous lover's own. 
 That's of course, — but who among ye, 
 
 This redeeming point can't prove, 
 Aegle, who only loves for money, 
 
 Will freely gamahuche for love ? 
 
 s 
 
12'6 
 
 Martial's 
 
 (1) Tlie meaning of this is by no means clear, and Grnter 
 candidly confesses his ignorance on tlie subject; other 
 critics do not seem to have taken so hopeless a view as 
 Gruter, and Gronovius' interpretation is quietly adopted by 
 most subsequent commentators. Aegle refuses to be 
 kissed without being paid for it. She sells even her kisses. 
 This is certainly strange, for whether she gets what she 
 considers a good or a bad market for her kisses, is a kiss 
 worth so much that a man would buy it, however cheaply 
 he got it ? But small though be the sum Aegle receives, 
 yet she does sell it. To " sell well" is to get a good price 
 for your wares. " To make a good purchase" is to procure 
 goods cheaply. The art of trade therefore consists in buy- 
 ing cheaply and selling at a large price. But however high 
 the price at which Aegle offers a kiss for sale, practically 
 she must sell it for a low figure, for what is a kiss worth ? 
 Theocritus says there is a sweet charm in an empty kiss, 
 but the charm cannot really be worth much, as the poet 
 himself has admitted by calling it "empty." 
 
 (^) That is she duns for her money and almost may be 
 said to carry it off by force, since she worries it out of you. 
 To translate, " she robs you of your money," would be 
 calculated to mislead those who do not condescend to read 
 notes, so I have contented myself with a somewhat tame 
 rendering of " nec levi rapina." With all due deference to 
 the learned editors of Martial who have adopted the expla- 
 nation of Gronovius, which I have given above as to the 
 meaning of these two lines, I consider their interpretation 
 unsatisfactory. Somewhat bolder than Gruter, Schneidewin 
 has enclosed the passage in brackets. I have contented 
 myself with placing the passage within obelisks and com- 
 mitting it to my sagacious critics. 
 
 (^) The Flavians were gold coins with the " image and 
 superscription" of Flavins Domitian. Their value was 
 twenty-five Denarii ; nearly one sovereign. Perhaps here 
 the silver flavian or denarius = about ten pence of our 
 money. 
 
BOOK xn. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 127 
 
 (*) That is as Martial elsewhere expresses it, such kisses 
 as young ladies treat their grandmothers to in the morning. 
 
 (^) The force of the epithet " maligna," which we have 
 rendered " given niggardly," is not obvious. It might also 
 mean "cruel," i.e. the lover would be eager to force his 
 tongue between Aegle's lips, and she would be so unobliging 
 as to torture him by a refusal. To this interpretation the 
 objection is that the next line expresses this idea and thus 
 it would become purely pleonastic. 
 
 (^) Humane, " charitably." That is, since her mouth is 
 so foul (for she gamahuches), it is most humane and charit- 
 able of her not to let the lover put his tongue, in ; or perhaps 
 because Aegle had false teeth, or some other oral defect, 
 which is more probable, as the first interpretation would 
 reveal the sting of the epigram, and the last line would fall 
 tamely on our ears, and this is supported by the words, 
 " sed unum," which seem most naturally to introduce 
 the climax, and so much so that we should prefer to take 
 
 humane" " naturally," i.e. because she is paid for it, only 
 that it is doubtful whether " humane" can have this signifi- 
 cation. 
 
 LXXV. ON HIS FAA^ORITBS. 
 
 Festinat Polytimus ad puellas ; 
 Invitus puerum fatetur Hypnus ; 
 Pastas glande nates habet Secundus ; 
 Mollis Dindymus est, sed esse non vult ; 
 Amphion potuit puella nasci. 
 Horum delicias superbiamque 
 Et fastus querulos, Avite, malo, 
 Quam dotis mihi quinquiens ducena. 
 
 Polytimus^ is very lecherous on women, Hypnus is slow^ 
 
128 
 
 Martial's 
 
 to admit lie is my Ganymede ; Secundiis has buttocks fed 
 on acorns.^ Dindymus* is a catamite, but pretends not to 
 be. Ampbion^ would have made a capital girl. My friend, 
 I would rather have their blandishments, their haughty 
 airs, their annoying pertness, than a wife with 3,000,000 
 sesterces. 
 
 Me Polytimus vexes and provokes, 
 He always leaves me for insipid pokes ; 
 Hypnus is so retiring shy and coy, 
 He swears he'll not be called my darling boy : 
 Secundus feeds his well gorged arse with cream. 
 And to the dregs he drains each amorous stream ; 
 The pathic Dindymus affects disgust 
 For Sodom and Gomorrha's manly lust : 
 Modest Amphion blushes when I toy — 
 Nature was mad to make so shy a boy. 
 For all their faults and their annoying ways 
 With darling Ganymedes I'd pass my days, |, 
 Eather than lead a sumptuous tinselled life 
 With twenty million dollars and a wife. 
 
 (^) Upon this epigram there is great diversity of opinion. 
 Calderini thinks that Polytinus was meditating marriage 
 from motives of avarice solely to possess the rich dowry of 
 his intended. Calderini would thus make Polytimus men- 
 tion the defects of his favourites, and would treat *' Festinat 
 Polytimus ad puellas" as the opening verse, then lines 2 — 5 
 he puts in the mouth of Polytimus, and the remainder of 
 the ej)igram is Martial's rejoinder. Such complication 
 without any clue to guide the reader is unworthy of the 
 genius of Martial, and carries its own refutation with it. 
 The view of Calderini would have been more tolerable if 
 instead of inserting the imaginary speech of Polytimus, he 
 
BOOK xir. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 129 
 
 had left tlie whole in Martial's moutli, and explained as 
 follows. The ostensible reason for his marriage which 
 Polytimus gives to the world is, that he is tired of boys. 
 Martial pretends to take him at his word, and enumerates 
 the defects of each favourite "giton," and he boldly declares 
 that though none are faultless, they are far better than a 
 wife with untold gold. Our objection is, that the transi- 
 tion from "Festinat Polytimus ad puellas" to the next line, 
 Polytimus being Martial's equal in years and position, and 
 the second line referring to " gitons," is quite impossible. 
 Polytimus would seem, it is true, to be more naturally the 
 name of a grandee, but tradition is in favour of the view 
 we have taken, which entitles this epigram " ad pueros" to. 
 his (i.e. Martial's) favourites." If Calderini's view were 
 correct, it would be "ad Polytinum de pueris." And 
 though tradition is not conclusive, it is entitled to some 
 weight, and we think here that it conveys the true mean- 
 ing. Martial grumbles and gets annoyed by his Ganymedes 
 from time to time. They are sulky and affect shyness or 
 the sphincter ani (as in the case of Secundus) gets relaxed, 
 yet in his philosophical moments, Martial confesses that 
 these annoyances are far preferable to the cursedness of 
 married life however gilded the pill. 
 
 (-) i.e. says he will not be sodomised. 
 
 (^) " Fed on acorns." An acorn is used in our days in 
 an obscene sense to signify a penis with the prepuce drawn 
 down nearly below the corona glandis. The Latin word 
 is used for a penis generally. It is thought that as acorns 
 were considered to fatten pigs by the ancients, an allusion 
 is made to the fact that the buttocks of Secundus were too 
 fat, but the grand idea is evidently that they were wont too 
 frequently to quaff the juice supplied by the penis of lovers, 
 and feed on that. The Greek BaXaros has the same double 
 meaning as the Latin glans. 
 
 (4) That is Dindymus is lewd and lascivious, but he 
 affects to be modest, and wants a great deal of pressing. 
 
130 
 
 MARTIAL S 
 
 (^) I do not think this refers to Amphion's girlish ap- 
 pearance, for this could not be considered a cause of com- 
 plaint. Looking therefore to the idea that runs through 
 the whole epigram, it most probably means " he is as coy 
 as a girl." 
 
 LXXXV. TO FABULLUS. 
 
 Paediconibus os olere dicis. 
 
 Hoc si, sicut ais, Fabulle, verum est. 
 
 Quid tu credis olere cunnilingis ? 
 
 You say pederasts have foul breath ; if this be so, 
 Pabullus, as you assert. How do you think the breath of a 
 gamahucher smells ? 
 
 Fabullus says that he can tell 
 Gomorrha's followers by the smell 
 
 Their very breathings reek of ; 
 If that be so, what odour then. 
 Pervades the lips of certain men. 
 
 Who tongue what men should never even speak of ? 
 
 Fabullus was of course a gamahucher. The same idea is 
 contained in Book XI. Epigram xxx, which see, and our 
 notes thereon. 
 
 LXXXVI. TO A MAN WHOSE PENIS DID NOT STAND. 
 
 Triginta tibi sunt pueri totidemque puellae : 
 Una est, nec surgit mentula. Quid facies ? 
 
BOOK XII, 
 
 EPIGRAMS, 
 
 131 
 
 You have thirty boys an d thirty girls : 3^011 have one 
 prick and it does not stand : what will' you do ? 
 
 Of thirty hoys, you own a rosy crew, 
 
 And thirty blooming girls to rove among, 
 
 But still you're but one man, what will you do, 
 For Cupid's bow for ever hangs unstrung ? 
 
 Why do as other boasters do, 
 And use jour tongue. 
 
 (') An euphemism for "you will gamahuche." Com- 
 pare Book XI. Epigram xxv, and the notes. The idea i& 
 precisely similar. 
 
 XCV. TO RUFUS. 
 
 Musaei pathicissimos libel los, 
 Qui certant Sybariticis libellis, 
 Et tinctas sale pruriente chartas 
 Instanti lege Eufe ; sed puella 
 Sit tecum tua, ne talassionem 
 Indicas manibus libidinosis 
 Et has sine femina maritus. 
 
 Read, Instantius Eufus, the most lewd volumes of 
 Musaeus^ which vie with those of Hemitheon the Sybarite,'^- 
 and his pages steeped in pruriency f but let your chere 
 amie be at 3/^ our side lest you sing to Hymen* a song of 
 masturbation, and perform the duty of a husband without 
 a bride. 
 
1-^2 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Eead tlie lewd books Musaeus may beget, 
 
 That vie the Sybarite's leclierous pages ; read 
 Those sparkling gems of wit in prurience set ; 
 
 Eead them, Instantius Eufus, but take heed 
 That in your arms your sweetheart you enclasp. 
 
 Lest by imagination's flight betrayed, 
 You fancy woman in your wanton grasp 
 
 And act the marriage rite without her aid. 
 
 Q) Musaeus is quite unknown to us. He must not be 
 confounded with the Musaeus who wrote the poem of Hero 
 and Leander. 
 
 (2) Lit. ''the Sybaritic books" For the information 
 that these were written by Hemitheon we are indebted to 
 Lucian. 
 
 (^) i. e. books that would have an aphrodisiac effect. 
 
 ('^) My translation may perhaps appear rather bold, but 
 it closely follows the original. Literally, " lest you pro- 
 claim the marriage song with your lewd hands." Talassio 
 is the hymn "Hymen 0 Hymenaee," thus proclaiming the 
 marriage song comes to be a metaphor for the various 
 dallyings that precede the consummation of the marriage, 
 and hence also the actual movement of the penis within 
 the folds of the generative organs of the female, which 
 induces spending, the strict consummation of matrimony. 
 Hence these last two lines simply mean, " lest you mastur- 
 bate and spend." 
 
 XCVI. TO A JEALOUS WIFE. 
 
 Cum tibi nOta tui sit vita fidesque mariti, 
 Nec premat ulla tuos soUicitetve toros. 
 
 Quid quasi peliicibus torqueris inepta ministris^ 
 In quibus et brevis est et fugitiva Venus ? 
 
BOOK XII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 133 
 
 Plus tibi quam domino pueros praestare probabo : 
 
 Hi faciunt, ut sis femina sola viro. 
 Hi dant quod non yis uxor dare. " Do tarn en," inquis, 
 
 " Ne vagus a tlialamis coniugis erret amor." 
 Non eadem res est : Cbiam volo, nolo mariscam. 
 
 Ne dubites quae sit Chia, marisca tua est. 
 Scire suos fines matrona et femina debet : 
 
 Cede sua pueris, utere parte tua. 
 
 Since your husband's mode of life and bis fidelity are 
 known to you, and no woman usurps^ your rights ; why are 
 you so foolish as to be annoyed by his boys, (as if they 
 were his mistresses), with whom love is a transient and 
 fleeting affair ? I will prove to you that you gain more by 
 the boys than your lord : they make your husband keep to 
 one woman. They give what a wife will not give. I- grant 
 that favour, say you, sooner than that my husband's love 
 should wander from my bed. It is not the same thing : I 
 want the fig of Chios, ^ not a flavourless fig ; and this Chian 
 fig in you is flavourless. A woman of sense* and a wife 
 ought to know her place. Let the boys have what concerns^-^ 
 them, and confine yourself to what concerns you. 
 
 Since you're aware how faithful is my life, 
 
 And you alone my loving harvest reap. 
 Why about boys become a jealous wife. 
 
 As if they held the status of a Keep ? 
 With them love's transient, and I will prove 
 
 Boys benefit you more than e'en your lord. 
 They to one woman bind your husband's love, 
 
 And boys throw open what a wife will hoard. 
 " Here it is," say you, and then expose 
 
 The bait, your spouse's wanderings to dock ; 
 It's not the same ; the luscious medlar grows 
 
 Worthless when grafted on an unfit stock, 
 
 T 
 
184 
 
 Martial's 
 
 Allow my rosy boys tlieir share, and know 
 It's not for your insipid fruit I burn ; 
 
 A wife should learn ber proper place, and shew 
 Her sense in minding but ber own concern. 
 
 (^) i. e. Your liusband has no other woman. 
 ('^) i. e. Sodomy. 
 
 (■^) This pun is quite untranslatable. It is the old pun 
 of figs " and " piles," but far more intricate. See Epi- 
 gram xxxii of this book. The name for medlar among the 
 English vulgar is " open arse." 
 
 The idea conveyed by this epigram is obvious enough, 
 Sodomy with a boy, and sodomy with a woman are two 
 different things. The former is much more luscious. This 
 " fig of Chios," (^. e. arse) in a boy, becomes in you an 
 insipid, flavourless " marisca," {i. e., the most inferior kind 
 of fig). 
 
 (*) Matrona, a woman of sense." For this version I 
 am indebted to Simon. 
 
 (■'•) That is, let boys be sodomised, do you be content 
 with having connection " au naturel." 
 
 XCVII. TO BASSUS.^ 
 
 Uxor cum tibi sit puella, qualem 
 Votis vix petat improbis maritus. 
 Dives, nobilis, erudita, casta, 
 Eumpis, Basse, latus, sed in comatis, 
 Uxoris tibi dote quos parasti. 
 Et sic ad dominam reversa languet 
 Multis mentula milibus redempta ; 
 Quae nec vocibus excitata blandis^ 
 
]300K XII. 
 
 EPIGRAMS. 
 
 135 
 
 Molli pollice nec rogata surgit. 
 
 Sit tandem piidor, aut earn us in ins. 
 
 Non est liaec tua, Basse : vendidisti. 
 
 While you liave a wife, sncli as a lover liardly dare liope 
 for in Ms wildest'-^ prayers, rich, well born, learned, chaste, 
 you spend your energies, Bassns, on boys whom you have 
 procured with your wife's dowry ; and thus does that 
 penis, purchased for so many thousands, return tired to its 
 mistress,^ nor when slie rouses it by soft accents of love, 
 and delicate fingers, does it stand. Have some sense of 
 shame, or let us go into court.* This penis is not yours, 
 Bassus : you have sold it. 
 
 Learned, chaste, well born and fair, 
 
 Bassus, is your wedded bride. 
 Surpassing far the wildest prayer 
 
 Ever breathed in youthful pride. 
 Yet with boys you waste your power. 
 
 Careless of marital vows. 
 Pleasures purchased by the dower 
 
 Which you married with your spouse. 
 On your return your mistress greets. 
 
 Drooping, limp, to Venus cold, 
 That limb whose size and wanton feat^ 
 
 Made it worth the lady's gold. 
 Tenderly her taper fingers 
 
 O'er your manly beauties rove. 
 And her gentle pressure lingers 
 
 O'er that noble source of love. 
 With honey'd words and witching smiles^ 
 
 Essaying all that woman knows. 
 Dead to her endearing wiles, 
 
 Not an inch the sluggard grows. 
 Give your lady some diversion, 
 
 Lest an action should be brought 
 
136 
 
 For your impudent conversion 
 Of the chattel that she bought. 
 
 (1) The meaning of this epigram is plain enough. Bas- 
 sus had probably run through his money with boys, and 
 was fortunate enough to get a rich pretty girl to marry 
 him. However, he does not give up his sodomitical tastes, 
 but more^than that, he goes in so extensively for his favourite 
 amusements, that he cannot or will not perform the duties 
 of married life. His wife upbraids him with this, " I have 
 married you," says she, " and enriched you, a mere pauper, 
 with a handsome fortune, I am not therefore your plaything, 
 whom you can treat as you please, and cheat out of my 
 rights, by taking my money and spending it on boys." 
 
 (^) Latin, ''improbis," which perhaps is expressed more 
 correctly in English by "unconscionable," French, "exi- 
 geant." Here it means a husband who is most extravagant 
 in his notions of what a wife ought to be. 
 
 (•^) Eead " Quae nec vocibus." The common reading is 
 " Sed nec." 
 
 (4) These are the words of the wife threatening to be 
 divorced from her faithless husband. We think there is a 
 double meaning here, that is your wife will get divorced 
 and so you will l6se her dowry, but more than that, you 
 will have an action brought against you in trover, for your 
 prick was fairly bought and sold. Some curious national 
 customs are quoted in Acton's treatise on the reproductive 
 organs, shewing that in some countries, the wife could com- 
 pel the husband to have connection with her once a week, 
 and on default, summon him before the magistrates. 
 
EPIGRAMS. 
 
 137 
 
 BOOK XIV. 
 
 LXXIV. A CROW. 
 
 Corve salutator, quare fellator haberis ? 
 In caput intravit inentula nulla tuum. 
 
 OW courteous crow, why are you considered a gama« 
 iiucher No penis enters your mouth. 
 
 Why did the Eomans charge you with " minette " 
 And say such vile amusement was your wont ? 
 
 Had they once heard 'twas carrion that you ate, 
 And then obtained a glimpse of Lesbia's cunt ? 
 
 Q) Latin, " salutator," possibly an allusion to the crows 
 which were taught to say, the one, Ave Caesar Victor 
 Imperator," the other, " Ave Antoni Victor Imperator" to 
 salute the conqueror (whichever it might be) on his return 
 from the anticipated decisive battle, which took place as we 
 all know at Actium. 
 
 (2) Crows were believed by the vulgar to copulate with 
 their mouths, the beak of the female being inserted in that 
 of the male. (See Pliny X. ch. xii.) This insertion of the 
 
138 
 
 Martial's 
 
 beak must not be understood as a mere kiss lU^e that of 
 doves : it was positively believed that the generative seed 
 was emitted through the throat of the male into the mouth 
 of the female, and that she was impregnated in this way. 
 Hence these birds were called gamahuchers. This notion 
 must have been prevalent in England in Shakespeare's 
 time, for we find these lines in his poem on Chester's Love's 
 Martyr, published 1601. 
 
 " And thou, treble-dated crow. 
 That thy sable gender mak'st 
 With the breath thou giv'st and tak'st, 
 'Mongst our mourners shalt thou go." 
 
 So the commentators : but we confess that we think this 
 meaning is very tame, it only receives its justification as a 
 satire on the foolish belief of the vulgar. An ingenious 
 friend however, who is a good antiquarian, has suggested an 
 interpretation (which we have followed in our metrical 
 version) but which we must honestly confess we believe 
 there is no other authority for. The hint was given him 
 by a gem, representing a crow pecking at the generative 
 organs of a woman with an inscription to the effect that it 
 takes a good deal of carrion to kill a crow. We have our- 
 selves lately seen the gem, but cannot feel quite satisfied 
 that it is not a modern production. 
 
 CCIII. A GIEL OF CADIZ. (^) 
 
 Tam tremulum crissat, tarn blandum prurit, ut ipsum 
 Masturbatorem fecerit Hippolytum. 
 
 She waves her loins and hips witli such quivering nioye- 
 ments,^ she is so sweetly lewc], that she would make Hip-, 
 polytus himself a masturbator,-^ 
 
MooK xiv. 
 
 EPIGRAMSi 
 
 139 
 
 With quivering frame she waves her loins and thighs, 
 She smiles so sweetly with her soft lewd eyes : 
 She'd make the chastest man in these broad lands 
 Sit down and frig himself with both his hands. 
 
 (^) Slave vendors brought dancing girls round for sale. 
 The most celebrated came from Baetica of which Gades 
 (Cadiz) was the capital Town. This Epigram has been 
 beautifully rendered into Greek. 
 
 'Yypdi^ KLi'vjJievqv o-KipTu)fTavd^ r]bv jxiv avros 
 AevfT(T(ou 'IttttoXvtos )^eipoTpLl3})cr yevETO. 
 
 (2) " Crisso," to move the loins and thighs lasci^dously, 
 " tur|)iter et libidinose lumbis et femoribus fluctuare," 
 Forcellini. s.v. The metaphor is taken from the billows of 
 the sea. Lucilius compares the movements of the loins and 
 hi]3S of an active woman in copulation, to a winnowing fan, 
 
 Crissatura, ut si frumentum clunibu' vannat," Greek 
 KiyiiXi^oiiaL which means to move the hips as the KiyKXos 
 does his tail. This bird was the wag tail or water ousel. 
 We learn from Galen that in consequence of this the bird 
 was called (jeLffo-Kvyh, Angiice, shake-arse. 
 
 (^) i. e. Make the chastest of mortals commit a heinous 
 sin against chastity. So the commentators. We believe 
 that more than this is contained in our poet's words, and 
 prefer to understand it thus — However chaste the man 
 might be, he could not even wait till he had got a woman 
 or a boy, but would be unable to keep his hands off his penis. 
 
 THE END. 
 
i