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THE SCRIPTURES OF
ENJAMIN
THE
fjIANT KILLER.
REVISED VERSION.
Detroit, Mich.
Journal Publishing Co.
1892.
Copyright 1892.
E. G. Holden.
INTRODUCTION,
The following manuscript lias been put into my
hands for preparation for the press. I do not
undertake to vouch for its genuineness. I doubt
very much its being, as it purports to be, an antique
document of almost prehistoric origin. A few com¬
mentaries have been secured from authorities whose
names will at once be recognized as guarantees of
the value of their criticism.
Detroit, Mich. THE EDITOR.
CHAPTER I.
/, 2 Benjamin the son of Harrah anointed captain over the peo¬
ple. 9 Stephen whose surname is Gropher mocked at as the
Stupphed Prophet. He worshipeth the false God Phreetrade,
and misleadeth the people. Dhana the Scribe taketh up the
word of prophecy against Gropher. 15 David Belial, or
Bhill, smiteth Gropher under the fifth rib.
1 Now it came to pass that a man out of the land of
Benjamin was anointed to be captain over the people, and
to save them out of the hand of the tribes of Jonboole
and out of the hand of the Dimochraths.
2 And Benjamin, Harrah's son, was the name of him
anointed to be captain.
3 And, lo, Stephen whose surname was Gropher was a
mighty man among the Dimochraths.
4 Howbeit there were those among them who mocked
at him and reviled him, and opened their mouths in bitter¬
ness against him.
5 And Dhanah the scribe, who was of the tribe of Ish-
mael and who worshiped in the tabernacle of Tammany,
said unto his brethren,
6 Behold Gropher is like Jeshurun. He hath waxen fat
and kicketh. He is a Stupphed Prophet, and the fat that
is upon him runneth down from his head upon his neck,
like unto the oil on Aaron's beard. And his tunic may be
pulled over his head without loosening the bands thereof.
7 Lo, let us make a moleHill out of this mountain. Let
us pierce his fatness with a knife, and he shall shrink into
nothingness like the morning dew upon the grass.
8 Moreover he hath led the Dimochraths into idolatry ;
5
6 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
for he hath set himself up to be worshiped even like unto
an image of brass.
9 And the Muggwumhps and the hypocrites bow down
before him and burn incense unto him. (Now the tribe of
Muggwumhps were of them that slung stones ; and they
were all left-handed. And they thereby discomfited the
army they fought for, more than they discomfited the
army they fought with. For lo, when the enemy thought
that the Muggwumhps should smite him on the one cheek,
they smote him on the other ; and when they made as if to
hurt their enemies they sore wounded their friends.)
10 And his god is Phreetrade, who is worshiped by the
tribes of Jonboole. And Stephen whose surname is Gro-
pher hath led away the people to follow after strange gods
and to build altars unto Phreetrade, and he hath tempted
the Dimochraths to do iniquity.
11 And it came to pass that David a son of Belial was
also a mighty man among the Dimochraths. But because
the name of Belial was ill savored and an abomination, he
did call himself David Bhill.
12 And he was at enmity with Stephen whose surname
was Gropher.
13 And behold as Stephen and Benjamin the son of
Harrah, were wrestling mightily one with another in the
sight of all the people to see who should rule over them, it
came to pass that Stephen was faint and sore spent.
14 And he stood awhile that he might breathe again.
15 Then David who called himself Bhill took Stephen
aside and spoke unto him, saying, Art thou in health, my
brother ?
16 And David smote him under the fifth rib so that he
fell down.
17 And Benjamin the son of Harrah reigned in his stead.
18 For Gropher walked not in the ways of the fathers, but
bowed down and worshiped Eng a false god, also a giant like
Gropher. But Benjamin walked in the ways of the fathers,
and overthrew the worship of Engf, that Gropher served.
CHAPTER II.
i, 2 Of E7ig the giant. 4 He subdueth many lands. 9 He layeth
waste Ouldirela>id. 13 He provoketh the Paddheez to wrath.
21 He forbiddeth them to make garments of wool and imple¬
ments of iron. 23 For he desireth to make them himself.
1 And there were giants in those days.
2 And the name of one thereof was Eng, whose surname
was Jonboole. Now Eng was a strong and mighty man
of war. And he was captain of thousands and tens of
thousands who were mighty in battle. And he waged war
upon all the tribes round about, and conquered and sub¬
dued them, and took them captive. And he ruled them
with a rod of iron.
3 And the name of the land wherein he dwelt was
called the land of Eng, or England.
4 And the name of the land to the west that he subdued
was called Wales, inasmuch as Eng did put the people
thereof to the sword ; them and their wives, their sons and
their daughters. And their wails went up through all the
borders of that land. And because of their sorrow and
moaning they were called the people of Wales.
5 And Eng went into the land to the north of his king¬
dom, the men and women whereof live on the food of
horses, and are subtile in their thoughts and stubborn in
their ways.
6 And they resisted Eng mightily; and Eng could not
make headway against them ; but they smote him hip and
thigh and discomfited him, and drave him and his men of
battle back to his own land. And he could not subdue
them, or take them captive, or spoil them of their goods.
7
8 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
7 And their land went scot free, and because their land
went scot free, Eng called their land Scotland, an-d it is
called so unto this day.
8 And the land beyond Wales and across the sea that
bordereth on the land of Eng, the name whereof is Ould-
ireland, Eng, whose surname is Jonboole, likewise con¬
quered and subdued. And he oppressed that land and all
the inhabitants thereof.
9 And Eng in derision called the males thereof Pad-
dheez, and the females thereof he called Biddheez. And
they are called so unto this day.
10 And he laid waste their country. He burned their
habitations and slew their flocks and herds, and put their
old men and their young men, their wives and their maid¬
ens to the sword. And he smote them hip and thigh,
and followed them into their strongholds and killed their
captains and put their warriors to death, and made a wilder¬
ness and a solitary place of their fields and a desert of their
habitations.
11 And the smoke of their burnings ascended unto
heaven like the smoke of a furnace. And the air was
filled with moanings and groanings and with the cry of the
women and children who were slaughtered by Eng and his
fighting men. And Eng put their cattle to death and
trampled on their corn and put the torch to their harvests,
and drave them from place to place.
12 And these things did provoke the ire of the tribes
which dwelt in that land.
13 And it was so that when Eng, whose surname is Jon¬
boole, and his captains and his valiant men at arms did
fall upon the people whom he reviled as Paddheez and
Biddheez, and did provoke their ire by his burnings and
slaughterings, then did Eng mock and laugh at them,
saying,
Of Eng and Ouldireland.
9
14 Henceforth their land shall be called Ouldireland,
because they are so easily provoked. And it is called so
unto this day.
15 And Eng said also unto them, Ye shall have no other
gods before me ; ye shall not bow down to them nor serve
them ; but ye shall worship only after the manner of my
fathers and after the ordinances and the worship in my
holy places.
16 Ye shall not bow down unto the Pope nor serve him,
nor shall any false priest minister unto you. And in the
day that he doeth it, and shall eat the shew bread of the
altar that he calleth the flesh of Christ's body, or drink the
wine that he calleth His blood, he shall surely be put to
death.
17 And those amongst you who disobey these com¬
mandments and stray after false gods, they shall not buy
land, or inherit the earth, or own a horse of greater value
than five shekels, or instruct the youth of the land, or
marry one with another.
18 Moreover, Eng opened his mouth and spake again
unto them which he reviled as Paddheez and Biddheez in
the land that is called Ouldireland, because of its ancient
ire against Eng whose surname is Jonboole, saying,
19 Ye shall not send into the land of Eng your fat cat¬
tle, your sheep, your swine, or the flesh of these animals,
nor shall ye sell any of these things, nor of butter and
cheese, nor of fat things to the people of my land. For
my people are the chosen people, and they only shall raise
and sell fat cattle and sheep and swine and the flesh
thereof unto their own tribes and unto their own people.
20 Again Eng opened his mouth and spake unto them,
saying,
21 Ye shall not make anything for your raiment or your
apparel. Your artificers and your men cunning in wool
i o The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
ana woven stuff shall not weave them to sell to the people
of the land of Eng, or to those of his people who dwell
beyond the great deep. And ye shall not make unto your¬
selves any fine garments of wool or any raiment of silk,
nor shall ye make the shoes that ye wear upon your feet,
nor the covering that is upon your heads.
22 Ye shall have no engines, nor cunning devices of
wood or iron in all your land, whereby ye can make gar¬
ments to cover your nakedness, and raiment wherewithal
to clothe the nakedness of your wives and your little ones.
23 But ye shall till the ground and make the fruits
thereof to grow and increase, and ye shall eat them and
sell them unto me ; but garments of linen, and raiment of
wool, or any instrument of wood, or implement of iron, that
shall ye not make in all your land. For it is an abomina¬
tion unto me.
24 But if any amongst ye have need of garments of
wool, or raiment of linen, or instrument of wood, or imple¬
ment of iron, ye shall buy them of me and of my people.
My skilled artificers and the tribes of Chepelabah that do
work in wood and iron and in silk of many colors, behold
they only shall work in these things, and make them for
your use and furtherance.
25 And it shall come to pass that the rulers and the cap¬
tains of the land of Jonboole, who are of the tribes of Kno-
booles and Landownahs and Mineownahs and Millownahs,
shall wax fat and fare sumptuously every day, and shall
move freely from place to place. But the people of Ould-
ireland, which the Jonbooles call Paddheez and Biddheez,
shall remain always in their abiding-places and dwell in
huts and till the ground, and raise sons and daughters and
praihtees plentifully, and shall pay tribute to the makers
of iron, and to the makers of wood, and of silken raiment
of many colors in the land of Eng.
Eng Desireth the Earth.
11
26 And it was so. And Eng looked upon it and saw
that it was good—for Eng and the land of the Jonbooles.
27 For Eng desireth the earth and the fullness thereof.
Verse 8-27.—In a long and uninteresting passage, Dr. Tooit Name-
lee declares that this chapter is, by a singular coincidence, parallel
to the history of the dealings of the English Government with the
people of Ireland. In a very learned and tedious disquisition he sets
forth his reasons for regarding it as an accidental parallelism, and
not, as other equally erudite critics maintain, a mere modern compen¬
dium, in the English language of the seventeenth century, of the
actual history of the two countries.—Editor.
CHAPTER III.
i The Knobooles and the tribes of Chepelabah in the land of Jon-
boole. 6 The Kiobooles wear purple a7id fine linen and live
on the fat of the land, 7 but the tribes of Chepelabah have only
the crusts and the husks. 11 The Knobooles make laws for
them, 12 and the Millowfiahs and the Mhieownahs do gather the
riches.
1 Now it came to pass that the people of the land of
J onboole were divided into two parts ; the one part thereof
called themselves Knobooles because, they said, we are
the booles who know and are known throughout the
length and breadth of the land.
2 And the remainder shall be called the tribes of Chepe¬
labah and some shall be called the Pays-Ant* tribe,
because that tribe shall work diligently like unto the ant,
and be the one who pays for all. And the other shall be
called the Arteh-Zhan* tribe.
3 And the Knobooles were clothed in fine raiment and
fared sumptuously every day. And they dwelt in lordly
mansions ; and rode forth bravely appareled and did hunt
the fox in his hole and the coney in his house among the
rocks.
4 And they clad themselves in battle array and made
war upon the nations and tribes that dwelt round about.
And they called themselves by lordly titles and spoiled
*Verse 2.—The Rev. Noah Ita.ll, LL. D , believes that either the
-word " Pays-Ant" is the root or original form of the word "peas¬
ant," or perhaps some corruption of that word ; and that the tribe of
Arteh-Zahns is now known as the artisan or skilled workman class.—
Editor.
12
Purple and Fine Li?ien; Crusts and Husks. 13
their neighbor's goods, and gathered gold and silver and
filled their storehouses with the spoils.
5 And some were skilled in all the learning of the time
and knew how to rule their fellows and to exact tribute of
them and to make them pay tithes of all they possessed.
6 And the Pays-Ants wrought diligently like unto the
little insect whom the scriptures commend unto the slug¬
gard. And the Pays-Ants dwelt in huts of willow and
clay, and the smoke of their fires did fill all their habita¬
tion, escaping only through the roof, or the door, or the
chinks in the wall.
7 And the Pays-Ants did till the ground and the Arteh-
Zahns wrought in many handicrafts and increased the
wealth of the land ; but the kings and the Knobooles and
the high priests thereof did lay hands upon it; taking the
soft portion of the loaf, and leaving the crust ; the kernels
and leaving the cobs ; the fine flour and the meal and leav¬
ing the husks, for the Pays-Ants and the Arteh-Zahns that
toiled day by day for the Knobooles.
8 And the Pays-Ants and the Arteh-Zahns, in the land of
Eng were left in great darkness; even like unto the
shadow of darkness in which were left the Paddheez and
Biddheez of Ouldireland whose ancient ire against Eng
and his land never ceases. They read not, nor wrote not,
and their minds were clouded. And they went not up
into the high places of the land, nor unto the chief seats in
the synagogue.
9 But the Knobooles, the rich men, the chief priests and
the scribes in the land of Eng made laws and statutes and
entered into covenants and cast the lot to choose rulers for
the tribes of Chepelabah. Because they said this is a people
of no understanding and know not how to choose a ruler.
So they devoured their substance ; but they themselves
lived on the fat of the land, and thought not of the wel-
14 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
fare of Chepelabah. But in the sweat of its brow did
Chepelabah and its children earn the bread of the Kno-
booles, the merchants, the Mineownahs. and the Millown-
ahs.
10 And in the former days did Eng appoint magistrates
over the tribes of Chepelabah, who fixed their wages, say¬
ing unto them : For this wage and no more ye must labor
and be heavy laden ; and ye must ask no more , nor must
ye agree among yourselves to say what your hire shall be;
but ye must work for the wage that the magistrate shall
appoint for you ; so shall ye do what is right in the eyes of
Eng and be a just and holy sacrifice unto the Knobooles,
the high priests, and the Millownahs, and the Mineownahs
in the land of Eng.
11 And the Knobooles possessed themselves of all the
land, and what they kept not for themselves, they did par¬
cel out for hire and would not part with it. And the tribes
of Chepelabah could not own the land or dig about it, or
till it, for themselves. And so it came to pass that they
tilled the land, or toiled in the mill like prisoners in the
prison house, according to the decree of their masters and
the magistrates. And they were servants in bondage.
12 And they were often ahungered and athirst. And
they heaped up riches, but the Knoboole and the high
priest, and the Millownah and the merchant alone did
gather them. For they did reap where they had not sown,
and did gather where they had not strewn.
Perhaps the fact that the monopoly of land and the cheapness of
labor have always been characteristic of the British social system,
may throw some light upon this chapter. " They who take note of
the pittance which the peasant or artisan earned, and of the cost at
which he spent his wages on his needful food, can interpret the hard¬
ships of his lot, the poverty of his life, the barrenness of his labor,
the growing helplessness of his condition. * * * The great revo-
The Hard Lot of the English Laborer. 15
lution (1640), which established the authority of Parliament, brought
no liberty to the peasant or artisan. * * * What mattered it to
the wealthy landowners that the English peasants' life was aged
soon after his prime, if they could get cheap labor and increasing
rents? * * * The wages of the mill hand were settled by the jus¬
tices, like those of the artisan and peasant. Any attempt on the part
of the workmen to combine for the purpose of selling their labor at
better rates, was met with stern repression, an overt act with sharp
punishment. * * * The English workmen earned all the wealth
and bore nearly all the cost during that long war (against Napoleon),
on which the fortunes of manufacturers and landowners, the glory of
States and generals were founded."—Six Centuries of Work and
Wages (pp. 432-436) by Thorold Rogers. "An inexhaustible sup¬
ply of cheap labor has long been a condition of our social system,
whether in town or country, for work or for pleasure. * * * Two
men have been after one master so long that we are not prepared for
the day when two masters will be after one man."—London Times.
—Editor.
CHAPTER IV.
i The Kolonees in a far country. 2 The strife between them and
the Jonbooles 7 The Kolonees wilt not pay tithes, g, 10 They
spill the herb of the East into the sea. rj Eng the giant send-
eth out ships and chariots against them. 16 The Kolonees
choose Jorjwa-Shington to fight for them, and he delivers the
Kolonees from the hand of Eng. iS The Kolojiees become a
nation and are called the land of Unkulz-Ham.
1 And Eng did go down to the sea in ships, and did
much business in great waters. And in a far country was
the land of the Kolonees. Now the Kolonees were the
begotten sons and daughters of the Jonbooles, bone of
their bone and flesh of their flesh.
2 But there was strife between the Jonbooles and the
Kolonees. Therefore Eng opened his mouth and spake
unto the Kolonees, saying,
3 Inasmuch as ye are bone of my bone and flesh of my
flesh, ye must not make unto yourselves any raiment of
wool or garment of fine linen, or any tool of iron or any
implement of wood. Ye shall not make them or fashion
them in all the length and breadth of your land.
4 And inasmuch as ye are bone of my bone and flesh of
my flesh, therefore will I exact tribute of you. Ye must
pay tithes of all ye possess ; upon the herb of the East
which ye drink; upon your covenants and writings, and
upon them ye must put a stamp with the image and super¬
scription of Jorjthathurd, the great king.
5 But if any amongst you have need of garments of wool
or raiment of linen, or instrument of wood or implement
of iron, ye shall buy them of my Jonbooles—the Millow-
l6
The Kolonees will have ?ione of Jorjthathurd. 17
nahs and the Mineownahs, who are cunning to fashion
these things with the tribes of Chepelabah.
6 Ye may till the ground and eat the fruits thereof, but
raiment and implements of wood and iron that ye shall
not make in all the length and breadth of your land. For
this is an abomination unto me, saith Eng of the land of
the Jonbooles.
7 But the Kolonees answered and said, We will not
make unto ourselves any garments of wool or raiment of
linen, or instrument of wood or implement of iron; but
we will pay no tribute unto thee nor unto thy people; nor
will we pay tithes of all we possess, on the herb that we
drink, nor upon our covenants and writings; nor will we
render unto the tax gatherer the image and superscription
of Jorjthathurd, the king of the Jonbooles.
8 And the Kolonees did gather themselves together and
did defy the tax gatherers, and rose up against the magis¬
trates and the captains that Eng had sent unto them to
execute his decrees.
9 And certain men of Boss-toun, which was in the Kol¬
onees, did feign themselves to be sons of Belial and hea¬
then men, painting themselves with hues of red, after the
manner of the Innjhuns, which were barbarians, that had
aforetime dwelt within their borders.
10 And they all of one accord rushed violently down to
the sea, and did seize the herb of the East that was hid
within the belly of a ship, and did cast the herb into the
sea.
11 And the Kolonees did many other acts of violence
against those of the Jonbooles which dwelt within their
borders, and against the tax gatherers and magistrates and
captains that had been set to rule over them.
12 And when Eng heard of these things he was exceed¬
ing wroth. And he said within himself, Behold now this
18 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
rebellious and stiff-necked generation ! It has risen up
against me and against my chief rulers. How long shall
I suffer this wicked and perverse generation ? Behold I
will stretch out my right hand upon them, and smite them
until they shall turn away from evil and repent them of
their wickedness with broken and contrite hearts.
13 And Eng gathered his hosts together; his chariots,
his warriors and his fighting men, and sent them beyond
the sea to fight and subdue the Kolonees which had
rebelled against Jorjthathurd and the Jonbooles, and
which would not have Eng, his servants and his officers to
rule over them.
14 But the Kolonees feared not; neither were they dis¬
mayed. For they said one to the other, We will slay these
Philistines that come up against us.
15 Then Eng did mock them, saying, Choose ye a man
that we may fight together, and I will give his flesh to the
fowls of the air and the beasts of the field.
16 And the Kolonees did choose them Jorjwa-Shington
to be their champion, a mighty man of valor. And he
went forth against Eng the giant, who defied the armies
of the Kolonees.
17 And Jorjwa-Shington did fight against the armies of
Jorjthathurd seven long years, and did deliver the Kolo¬
nees from the hand of the oppressor, and drove Eng and
his Jonbooles back unto their own land. And the Kolo¬
nees did break in pieces the images of Jorjthathurd, the
king of the Jonbooles, and put away his statutes, and in all
the land none did any longer follow him or obey him.
And Jorjwa-Shington reigned in his stead.
18 And the people of the Kolonees did enter into a
Great Covenant, one with another, and vowed vows one to
another, and their souls were knit one to another, and they
became as one tribe and one people.
The Kolonees called the Land of Unkulz-Ham. 19
19 And they said one unto another, we will no longer be
called Kolonees, but we will be a nation, and henceforth
we will be called the land of Unkulz-Ham. And they are
called so unto this day.
Dr. Tooit Namelee and the Rev. Noah Itall, LL. D., call atten¬
tion to a remarkable resemblance between the names of the respect¬
ive champions of the Kolonees and the Jonbooles. Both were evi¬
dently related to the family or tribe of Jorjes. Dr. Namelee conjec¬
tures that they were brothers; while the Rev. Noah Itall insists that
the conflict arose from the rebellion of a son against a father, like
that of Absalom against David. Other commentators declare that
this chapter is a brief history in disguise of the war of independence
waged by the American colonies against Great Britain, when the
government of that country undertook to tax the colonies, and to for¬
bid their establishing industries which would compete with English
manufactures.—Editor .
CHAPTER V.
i, 2 Eng is put to shame by the wicked and rebellious Kolonees.
He counseleth guile. 4 The people of Unkulz-Ham will buy
merchandise only of one another. 7 They wax fat and their
fleshpots are filled. 8 The poverty of the Kannux who do
obeisance to the Jonbooles. 12 The Jonboolesfear the example
of the Kolonees on the tribes of Chepelabah. 14 And are filled
with wrath because the people of Unkulz-Ham will no lotiger
pay tribute. 16, 20 The Knobooles and Landownahs own all
the land and C07isult the spirit of Phreetrade.
1 Now when Eng saw that his captains and mighty men
of war were discomfited and slain by the wicked and per¬
verse generation of the Kolonees, he assembled together
his counsellors and his wise men, his soothsayers and high
priests and said unto them :
2 Behold we are sore-stricken and put to open shame.
But it behooveth us to gird up our loins and use guile with
this disobedient and stiff-necked generation. And so it
shall come to pass that they shall be caught in our snares.
Let us sell unto them our merchandise and our goods that
are wrought by the hands of Chepelabah. So shall we
impoverish them and bring ourselves much gain.
3 But the people of the land of Unkulz-Ham beholding
the guile of the Jonbooles, also took counsel together say¬
ing, we are now one people and our souls are knit one to
the other. Therefore we will sustain and strengthen one
another. And we are all of one household and like unto
one family. Therefore we will cherish and comfort one
another ; and we will buy oil of one another and garments
of wool and fine linen and instruments of wood and of iron.
4 And the people of Unkulz-Ham did proclaim abroad
20
The People of Unkulz-Ham wax fat.
21
their liberty of the Jonbooles, of the Knobooles, of the
Mineownahs, and of the Millownahs in the land of Eng.
5 And they did set up their own mills ; and delve in
their own mines ; and did make shoes for their own feet
and covering for their own heads ; and did make the des¬
ert blossom like the rose.
6 And the whole land was prosperous and the people
thereof did wax fat and rejoiced and were exceeding glad,
saying one unto another, Behold we long not for the flesh
pots of Eng, for we have our own flesh pots and they are
filled to running over ; we are all of one household and of
one family and we do labor one for another.
7 And so was the whole land blest, save that which lieth
to the North over against the region of the great lakes as
thou goest down by the river Saintle-Orrance, and which
is called the land of the Kannux ; the people whereof were
a remnant of the tribe of the Jonbooles and still paid trib¬
ute and did obeisance to the great Eng. And their pov¬
erty came as one that traveleth and their want as a strong
man.
8 For the Kannux delighted in putting their hands to
their mouths, and their mouths in the dust before the Jon¬
booles, and were content to eat the crumbs that fell from
the rich man's table. And the Kannux did meekly buy
whatever the Jonbooles sent unto them ; nor did they put
their hands to the loom, or their right hands to the shut¬
tle ; but even as in the temple that Solomon built, there
was not heard the sound of a hammer, or ax, or any tool
of iron of their own, throughout the length and breadth
of that land.*
* Verses 7, 8.—Some commentators profess to find in this passage
a reference to the childish dependence of the Dominion of Canada
upon the mother country of Great Britain.—Editor.
22 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
9 And the Jonbooles were jealous of the men of Unkulz-
Ham. For they feared lest the dwellers in the land of
Unkulz-Ham should be an ensample unto the tribes of
Chepelabah in the land of Eng.
10 And the Mineownahs and the Millownahs and the
Landownahs feared lest the Pays-Ants and the Arteh-
Zahns should rise up in rebellion against the Knobooles
and the Chief Priests in the land of Eng and throw off the
yoke of their oppressors, even as the Kolonees had done
aforetime.
11 But the dwellers in the land of Unkulz-Ham did
increase in numbers and thrive mightily, in their flocks
and herds, in their basket and store, and their ships cov¬
ered the waters of the great deep, and they did much busi¬
ness in great waters.
12 And by reason thereof the wrath of the Jonbooles
was kindled against the people of the land of Unkulz-
Ham, and they were filled with envy, hatred and all
uncharitableness; for the people of the land of Unkulz-
Ham no longer paid tribute to the Jonbooles, but were
diligent in their business with many other lands and with
multitudes of people.
13 And they waxed rich and great; and the earth was
filled with a noise of their power and might. Notwith¬
standing, they lived peaceably with all men, nor did they
seek to rob or oppress other nations.
14 When this became noised abroad, those who were
poor and downtrodden, or who were in debt, or in distress,
or were discontented, fled to the land of Unkulz-Ham, and
prospered therein. And no man molested or made them
afraid.
15 And the anger of the Jonbooles and the oppressors
of other lands was all the more enkindled against the peo¬
ple of Unkulz-Ham, yet inasmuch as that people were
Of the Distress in the Land of Eng.
23
mighty and as the sands of the sea for multitude, the peo¬
ple of other lands and other nations did not make war upon
them; but they spoke despitefully of them, and scornfully
entreated them.
16 And it came to pass that the Knobooles and the
Landownahs among the Jonbooles had possessed them¬
selves of the greater portion of the land of Eng, chiefly
that they might hunt the fox to his hole and the coney
to his burrow.
17 Therefore was there not land enough for tillage; nor
corn enough for the people of that land. And the people
murmured and began to cry out against it.
18 But there were in the land more garments of wool
and linen, and implements of wood, and of iron and of
brass, than the people thereof could buy. And they were
sore perplexed. For the land was overrun with them which
the Jonbooles called Paddheez and Biddheez, who fled from
the famine and the poverty that Eng had visited upon
Ouldireland. And the rulers of the land of Eng were
disquieted by reason of the discontent of the people.
19 And the spirit of Phreetrade came upon the Kno¬
booles and the Landownahs. And they spake, saying one
to another, Behold this people is sore disquieted; and will
rise up against us and take from us our land, to dig it and
to till it for themselves ; and peradventure they will sever
our heads from our shoulders, even as did the tribes of
the Parleyvooz unto their Knobooles and Landownahs.*
20 Let us therefore take counsel together that we may
appease their wrath and heal their distresses. Let us say
* Verse 19.—It is conjectured that the Parleyvooz were the ances¬
tors of the French people. If so, it is a singular coincidence that
they should have cut off the heads of their nobles and landowners as
the French people themselves did in the Revolution of 1789-92.—
Editor.
24 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
unto other nations, Bring hither your corn and your oil
and your measures of meal, and they shall come in unto
us without payment of tribute; but take ye in exchange
the garments of wool and linen and the implements of
iron and brass of which we have no need.
21 And so shall Phreetrade go abroad unto the ends of
the earth; and the land of Eng shall prosper. And the
Knobooles and the Landownahs need not part with their
possessions for tillage, but may keep their pleasure grounds
and may hunt the fox to his hole and the coney to his bur¬
row, and the people of other lands shall pay the cost
thereof. And the Millownahs in the land of Eng may
fashion more devices and do more cunning work than its
own people can buy, and may sell unto other tribes and
peoples.
22 And those nations of the earth who only tilled the
ground and brought forth corn and the fruits of the earth
in abundance; and made no garments of wool or linen or
implements of brass and iron, harkened unto the voice of
the Jonbooles and brought unto the land of Eng their corn
and full measures of meal, and carried away such raiment
and implements made by the tribes of Chepelabah as the
people of the land of Eng could not use nor buy.
23 But the nations whose artificers and cunning work¬
men wrought in wool and linen and wood and brass were
not deceived by the guile of the Jonbooles, nor suffered
themselves to be taken in these snares.
24 For they perceived that the spirit of Phreetrade,
which prophesied smooth things, was the old familiar spirit
of the Jonbooles, of the Millownahs, and of the Mine-
ownahs in the land of Eng. And they perceived that it
was sent unto other nations to close their mills and to turn
their looms into plowshares and their shuttles into pruning
hooks, for the profit and advantage of the Jonbooles.
Origin of Free Trade in England,1
25
25 Therefore they cast out the spirit of Phreetrade, and
would have none of him.
*A brief sketch of the origin of free trade in England may explain
the drift of the fifth chapter of these chronicles : By the aid of cen¬
turies of protection and the deliberate destruction of the manufac¬
tures of Ireland, England had built up its own manufactures into a
flourishing condition. The destruction of Irish manufactures drove
out the population of that country and inundated England with Irish
laborers and artisans. Their numbers and their poverty brought
down the price of labor to an extremely low rate of wages. This
increase in the industrial population and the large area of land
reserved for parks and forests and hunting grounds for the rich aris¬
tocracy of Great Britain, reduced the food supply. The rich agricul¬
tural landowners were protected by duties on food from abroad.
These landowners in Parliament, like the great landowners in the
American slave States, favored the removal of all protection on man¬
ufactured articles. On the other hand, the manufacturers, wanting
cheap food for their employes in order to secure cheap labor and
insure low wages, were anxious to abolish duties on agricultural pro¬
ducts. At last the landowners and the manufacturers mutually
agreed to abandon protection altogether, because cheap food and
cheap raw material from agricultural countries would enable them
to undersell and so close out the manufactures in other countries
that would agree to admit British manufactures free. The agricul¬
tural countries like the States of South America and the Southern
States of the United States could afford to acquiesce in the free trade
policy of England. India being a conquered province of Great Brit¬
ain, and Canada a dependency, had to submit to it. But most of the
European nations and the Northern States of the United States, with
manufacturing industries to protect, rejected free trade and contin¬
ued to protest against both English competition and English free
trade theories.—Editor.
CHAPTER VI.
i 7he land of Unkulz-Ham is divided against itself . j The Nig¬
gahownahs in Dicseesland have tribes of black Chepelabah.
S They will make no recompense to the Niggahs. ij, 16 They
desire to exchange the products of their black Chepelabah for
the products of White Chepelabah in the laiid of the fonbooles
20, 21, 22 The parable of the wise man and his eight sons. 24
The people in the North of the land of Unkulz-Ham will buy
no inerchandise of the fonbooles or of any other tribes and pro¬
vinces beyond the great sea. 25 7hey build the great wall of
the Tare-Riphph.
1 Now it came to pass that the land of Unknlz-Ham
became divided against itself.
2 The people of the North were called Uangkiz and
Jahrzeeites and Buccize and Hoozyahs and Succahs and
Woolvoreens and other like Outlandish names. They
were cunning workers in wool and linen and iron and
wood, and their land was filled with the noise of weavers'
shuttles and of the hammer and the ax, and of the grind¬
ing of the mills.
3 But the South part of the land of Unkulz-Ham was
called Slaveownia or Dicseesland and the Niggahownahs
and the Witetrash dwelt there beyond the border of Mason-
andicsun.
4 But in Dicseesland there were no workers in iron or
wood and none in brass except that which was in their
countenances when they demanded that the North should
bow down to the Baal of slavery, and the sound of the
grinding was low in all that land.
5 And the Niggahownahs were the Knobooles of those
provinces ; for they were few in number but they pos-
26
The Ethiopians in Dicseesland.
27
sessed the wealth of that land, and wasted its substance in
riotous living.
6 And behold in the land of Slavownia were the Ethiopi¬
ans which in the aforetime the Jonbooles had brought
thither in their ships and sold into captivity, and the inhab¬
itants of the land of Unkulz-Ham had bought them like
cattle.
7 But the Uangkiz, and the Jaahrzeeites and the Buc-
cize, and the Hoozyahs, and the Succahs, and the Woolvor-
eens, took counsel together, saying, We will not buy or sell
human flesh ; but we will break every yoke and let the
oppressed go free.
8 But the Niggahownahs which were in Dicseesland
answered them saying: We will not do this foolishness. Lo,
these Ethiopians which we call Niggahs are our posses¬
sions. We bought them for many pieces of silver. We
will buy them and sell them, and beat them with many
stripes. We will slay them. We will make them to do our
labor and to toil for us, from the rising of the sun unto the
going down thereof. For they are black and illfavored
and illsavored, and they have no souls, and are made to be
only our hewers of wood and drawers of water. And
black wool instead of hair grows upon their heads. There¬
fore must they till the ground and pluck the cotton when
it is ripe unto the harvest.
9 We will pay them no wages, but we will clothe them
twice a year in sackcloth; and we will feed them on hog-
andhominee. And so shall the fruits of their labor return
unto us—some thirty fold, and some sixty fold, and some
an hundred fold. And we shall wax fat and rich upon
their cheap labor.
xo And the Niggahs increased and multiplied; so that
the cloud which was at first no bigger than a man's hand
28 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
overspread the land and darkened the whole face of
Dicseesland.
11 And besides the Niggahownahs, there were the tribes
of the Witetrash, which had no Niggahs, but coveted those
of their neighbors. The Witetrash toiled not neither did
they spin, but were poor and downtrodden, and scarcely
knew their right hand from their left. Nevertheless they
did glory in it, because their skins were white and because
they were fed with the crumbs that fell from the rich Nig¬
gahownahs' table.
12 And so the Niggahownahs prospered and sat in the
high seats of the nation, and made laws for the Niggahs
and the Witetrash. And their hearts were filled with
pride and vainglory.
13 And the Niggahownahs said one unto another,
Behold now we do gather the cotton by cheap labor, yet
must we give the Uangkiz sufficient of our cotton to pay
their skilled workmen, those who are cunning in the
making of raiment and implements of wood and of instru¬
ments of iron.
14 We must pay much cotton wool unto them so that
they may have comfortable habitations, and we must give
them of our substance for their schools and for their books
and their schoolmasters, and for the abundance of their
food and for their good garments.
15 Behold their workers are not content with sackcloth
and hogandhominee like unto our Niggahs. Therefore it
is a burden too grievous to be borne.
16 Behold, also, beyond the great sea dwelleth the Jon-
booles that brought hither unto us the Niggahs that do
toil in our fields. And the Knobooles and the Millownahs
and the Mineownahs of the land of Eng have under them
slaves also, albeit their skins are white instead of black,
and hair instead of wool is upon their heads. But these
I'he Niggahownas would Circumvent the Uangkiz. 29
be the tribes of Chepelabah, even like unto our own black
Niggahs.
17 And so be that it shall come to pass that we give
unto the Jonbooles of our cotton in exchange for their gar¬
ments of wool and raiments of cotton wool and instru¬
ments of wood and brass and implements of iron, we shall
gain more of those things of which we have need than
if we sell our cotton unto the Uangkiz, the Buccize, the
Hoozyahs, the Succahs, and the Woolvoreens, who dwell in
fine houses and live in a land flowing with milk and honey,
and who fare sumptuously every day.
18 For among the Uangkiz dwells the tribe of the Mud¬
sills, who labor with their own hands and receive a rich
recompense of reward for their toil. And since they
receive a rich recompense of reward for their toil, behold
the work of their hands is held dear unto us who have
Niggahs to work for us and do all our labor.
19 Moreover if the tribes of the North—the Uangkiz,
the Jahrzeeites, the Buccize, the Hoozyahs, the Succahs,
and the Woolvoreens, shall cease to labor at the mill, and to
smite with the hammer, and shall no longer work in wood
and iron and brass, behold there shall remain a greater
number of them to till the ground and the earth shall
bring forth hogandhominee more abundantly, and the
price thereof shall be less and our Niggahs shall be fed at
smaller cost unto us and our gain from the selling of our
cotton shall be greater, and we shall heap up more riches.
20 But the tribes of the North did also assemble them¬
selves together and one of their wise men spake a parable
unto them, saying,
21 A certain man had eight sons and they all did till the
earth and the earth brought forth of its increase so that
there was much more of corn and wheat than the house¬
hold could eat. But there was no worker in wool, or any
3° The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
one who fashioned raiment, or wrought instruments of
wood and implements of iron and of brass.
22 And the man said unto himself, I will appoint four of
my sons to devise curious works, to work in iron and brass
and wood and in blue and purple and fine linen, and in the
work of the weaver, even of them that do any work and
of those that devise cunning work.
23 And so shall all my sons be filled with wisdom and
understanding and knowledge and with all manner of
workmanship, and they shall be a help unto one another,
and shall grow in wisdom and knowledge and riches.
24 And when the wise man had ceased speaking this
parable unto them, the Uangkiz, and the Jahrzeeites, and
the Hoozyahs, and the Succahs, and the Woolvoreens, and
the other tribes of the North, harkened unto his voice and
said one to another, behold let us do good one to another,
we that are of the household of faith, and are the children
of the Great Covenant which our fathers made.
25 We will buy no merchandise of the Jonbooles or the
Parleyvooz or the Nick-vor-staze, or of any of the tribes
beyond the great sea ; but we will buy only of our own
tribes and provinces. And so shall the land yield its
increase and we shall eat our bread to the full and shall
prosper and multiply.*
26 And we will establish a great wall over against the
lands beyond the great deep ; and we will exact tithes and
tribute of the Jonbooles and the Parley-vooz and the Nick-
vor-staze, when they send their merchandise unto us.
27 And they did so. And the name of the great wall
was the Tare-Riphpli, and it remaineth there unto this da}'.
Verse 25.—Some commentators believe that Parley-vooz was the
ancient name of the people of France, and Nick-vor-staze that of the
people of Germany.—Editor.
Slavery Opposed to High Priced Labor. 31
This chapter from ancient history recalls the public utterances of
representative men from the Southern States of the American Union
during the existence of slavery and the rule of the slave power.—
Editor.
The irresistible tendency of this protecting system is to destroy the
value of slave labor and compel the people of the slave States to
emancipate their slaves. * * * The manufacturers of the North
say to their liege subjects of the South, you are hereby prohibited
from exchanging one day's labor of your slaves for four days' labor
of the English manufacturing operatives. * * * In a free compe¬
tition for the market of the United States the wages of manufactur¬
ing labor in the Northern States must be reduced at least as low as
the wages of labor in England. The natural price of the manufac¬
turing labor of the Northern States is precisely the same as the man¬
ufacturing labor of England, and not a cent more. * * * I never
will consent that it shall be enhanced by the disguised appropriation
of one-third of the proceeds of Southern labor for the use and benefit
of Northern labor. If the duties are repealed they would have to
curtail their enormous profits and reduce the extravagant wages of
their labor and sell their manufactures cheaper.—Senator McDuffie,
of South Carolma.
The average price of labor in the Southern States is not more than
twenty-five cents a day ; in the North fifty cents a day. But for the
operation of the tariff laws this state of things would have been
reversed, and a day's labor in the cotton field would have com¬
manded two days of Northern manufacturing labor.—Congressman
Lewis, of Alabama.
The difference between factory and slave labor is only in the color
of the skin and the duration of the service. The same capital that
buys a slave for life can hire one for a day. If a legislative privilege
(protection) over slave labor is now claimed for free labor, what will
they not do when we begin to manufacture with our slaves ? * * *
My hands are part white and part black ; but as a white man in a
factory is no better than a slave, it may all be called slave labor.—
Clayton, of Georgia.
The people of the North are determined to use the tariff to build
up in that section a privileged class of workingmen elevated far
above the black labor of the South. The South must pay for this
32 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
luxury of an elevated and superior system of labor in the North-
must sustain and support it not only in paying tariff-enhanced prices
for goods and wares produced by such Northern labor, but must suf¬
fer also an impairment of the cotton market in England. * * *
They tell us that the free labor of the North must not, shall not, be
degraded to the same footing with the slave labor of the South. We
have greater need to be prepared to defend ourselves against these
people than against a foreign enemy.—-McDuffle, of South Carolina.
The principle of slavery is in itself right and does not depend on
difference of complexion.—Richmond ( Va.) Enquirer.
Capital and labor have never ceased to fight for the mastery. Sla¬
very is the great peacemaker between capital and labor.—Lynchburg
( Va.) Republican.
The principal cause which induced the Southern States to secede
from the Northern, was not slavery, but the very high prices which,
for the sake of protecting the Northern manufacturers, the South
were obliged to pay for the manufactured goods they required.—
Southern Confederate Commissioners in England, to Lord John
Russell.
The interest of the South is identified with that of the foreign rival
and competitor of the Northern manufacturer, and against him and
for his ruin the Southern planter and British manufacturer are col-
leagued.— John Quincy Adams' Report of House Committee on
Manufacturers.
If the Southern people could establish free trade, it would insure
the American market to foreign manufacturers, secure the foreign
markets for their leading staple, repress home manufactures, force a
large number of Northern men into agriculture, multiply the growth
and diminish the price of provisions, feed and clothe their slaves at
lower rates, produce their cotton for a third or fourth of former
prices, rival all other countries in its cultivation, and monopolize the
trade in the article throughout the whole of Europe. * * * South¬
ern politicians remained inflexible and refused to accept any policy
except free trade. * * * If this manufacturing could be pre¬
vented, the South would constitute the principal provision market of
the country, and the fertile lands of the North' supply the cheap food
demanded for the slaves. But the planter, to be eminently success¬
ful, must purchase his supplies at the lowest possible prices, while
Mutual Interests of Free Trade and Slavery. 33
the farmer must sell at the highest possible rates. These two antag¬
onisms were involved for many years in the Free Trade and tariff
doctrines, and afforded the material for the political contests between
the North and the South, between free labor and slave labor.—Cot¬
ton is King (a Southern book).
Suppose that we exported to Great Britain 100,000 bales of cotton,
worth $3,000,000, and receive in exchange $3,000,000 worth of British
cotton goods. How much of our cotton would it take to manufacture
these goods? Why, just 25,000 bales, while the remaining 75,000
would be disposed of on the continent. But, if the importation of
these goods is prohibited, only 25,000 bales would find a home mar¬
ket, leaving the 75,000 on our hands. * * * If the trade were
free the goods manufactured in this country would be imported from
England, and paid for in our cotton.—Hayne, of South Carolma.
That we are essentially aristocratic, I cannot deny, but we yield
much to Democracy. We are solemnly wedded to that party.
Through it we control the government of the United States. When
we cease to control through a disjointed Democracy, we shall then
resort to a dissolution of the Union. * * * If instead of raw cot¬
ton we could ship to the manufacturing States cotton yarn and cotton
goods, those who now make war on our gains would then make war
on our labor. They would not tolerate that those who now cultivate
our plantations should, by becoming their rivals, take bread out of
the mouths of their wives and children.— Jolm C. Calhoun, of South
Carolina.
A protective tariff was absolutely incompatible with the interests
of the slaveholders. According to Calhoun there is a permanent
conflict of interest in regard to the tariff policy between the staple
States and the rest of the Union, because the staple States are and
will remain exclusively agricultural communities.— Von Hoist's Life
of Calhoun.
Were there no black slaves in the United States, there would be
no opposition to a protection of the labor of white freemen.—Niles
Weekly Register (1832).
The planters of the United States attempted to monopolize the
markets for their cotton ; Great Britain for its manufacture. This
led to a fusion of interests between them and the British manufac¬
turers. * * * To the cotton planters the copartnership has been
eminently advantageous.—Cotton is King.
CHAPTER VII.
3 The covenant between the Jonbooles and the Niggahownahs y To
break down the great wall of the Tare-Riphph, 6, 7, 8 The
Impotahs of Gotham. //, 12 The covenant betwee?i the Dim-
ochraths and the Niggahownahs. The Niggahownahs to keep
their foot on the neck of the Niggah. 14 And buy merchan¬
dise of the Jonbooles made by the tribes of Chepelabah. 20
The sons of Ouldireland join the Dimochraths and the Nig¬
gahownahs and invite the jonbooles to overrun the land of
Unkulz-Ham.
1 But the people in the land of Eng—the Knobooles,
and the Mineownahs, and the Millownahs, and also the
inhabitants of the South in the land of Unkulz-Ham, the
Niggahownahs and the Witetrash—were filled with wrath.
For they were all chiefs of the tribes of Chepelabah both
in the land of Eng and in the land of Dicsee.
2 And they were both sore afraid of the tribes of the
North in the land of Unkulz-Ham, inasmuch as the growth
in riches and honor and power and wisdom of the tribes
of the North distressed the Jonbooles and the Niggah¬
ownahs. And they said one to another, This great com
pany in the North shall lick up that is round about us, as
the ox eateth up the grass of the field.
3 And the Jonbooles and the Niggahownahs did enter
into a covenant one with another that the Niggahownahs
should bring forth their store of cotton and the Jonbooles
should sell them their purple and fine linen, their instru¬
ments of wood and of iron and of brass, so that in the
provinces of the North in the land of Unkulz-Ham the
sound of the grinding of the mills should be low, and the
grinders should cease because they were few, and their
34
Covenant of Jonbooles and Niggahownahs. 35
people should till the ground and do no manner of cun¬
ning work nor devise any cunning devices.
4 Albeit the Jonbooles did speak grievous things of the
Niggahownahs and of the cruelties done to the sons of
Ethiopia and of the stripes that they did lay upon them
and the sins they did commit against them, because their
skins were black and they had hair like wool and were
void of understanding.
5 Nevertheless the Jonbooles did counsel with the Nig¬
gahownahs, how they should break down the wall called
the Tare-Riphph and how the merchandise of Chepelabah
in the land of Jonboole should come in like a flood and lay
waste the land of Unkulz-Ham and make desolate the
dwelling places of the weavers of wool and of cotton wool
and of the workers in wood and the workers in iron and
brass, who sat, each under his own vine and fig tree, and
increased and multiplied, and prospered, and there was no
man to molest or make him afraid.*
6 Now in the North of the land of Unkulz-Ham dwelt
the tribe of Impotahs. Few were they in numbers, but
they heaped up riches and got great gain. For they did
sell the merchandise which the Jonbooles and the Parley-
vooz and the Nick-vor-staze did send them across the great
Verse 5.—The effect of breaking down the barriers against foreign-
made goods is thus described by two masters of the subject.—Editor.
The cheaper labor of England supplies (17S3-89) the inhabitants of
the Atlantic coast with everything. Ready-made clothing * * *
for sale in every city. All these things come in free from any general
system of imposts.—Daniel Webster.
Great Britain poured her fabrics (1816-24) far below cost upon the
market in a perfect deluge. Our manufacturers went down like grass
before the mower, and our agriculture and the wages of labor speed¬
ily followed. Financial prostration was general, and the presence of
debt everywhere.—Horace Greeley.
36 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
deep unto the land of Unkulz-Ham. Whatsoever came
in through the gates of the great wall called the Tare-
Riphph that did the Impotahs sell unto the people of that
land.
7 But the Impotahs were not content with the gains
from the merchandise that did pass through the gates in
the wall; but they would fain have cast down the wall
altogether, so that their gains might be greater and their
substance increase.
8 And they did dwell for the most part m the great city
called Gotham, which is the chief city of the land of
Unkulz-Ham in the Province of New Youarc.*
9 Now the tribe that called themselves Dimochraths did
rule that great city ; and there were many also of the tribe
of the Dimochraths scattered abroad through the land of
Unkulz-Ham.
10 Now the Dimochraths and the Niggahownahs and
the Witetrash did join hand in hand against the rest of the
people of the land of Unkulz-Ham. And the rest of the
people would fain have broken the yoke of the Ethiopian
and let the oppressed go free.
11 But the Dimochraths said unto the Niggahownahs :
Let us make a vow one to another and enter into a cov¬
enant. Ye shall eat your bread in the sweat of another's
face and set your foot upon the neck of the downtrodden,
and take from the laborer his hire.
12 And the sons of Belial which shall hinder you, or which
would rebuke you and take from you your manservant or
your maidservant, or shall not deliver to you again the
*Verse 8.—Some commentators maintain that there is no proof
that a city by the name of Gotham ever existed. On the other hand
Dr. Noah Itall asks why, if there never was such a city, the city of
New York should ever have been nicknamed Gotham?—Editor.
Covenant of the Dimoehraths and Niggahownahs.
37
"bondsman that shall flee from you, lo we will seize him and
hind him and cast him into prison ; or we will stone him
to death in the highways; or hang him from a tree; or
peradventure we will cover him with hot pitch and clothe
him with feathers.
13 And we will covenant together to choose for rulers
them that shall cease not to persecute them that would
steal from you your manservants or your maidservants, or
which would not return into your hands again him that
fled from you.
14 And with the merchandise which your black tribes
of Chepelabah shall bring forth ye shall buy the merchan¬
dise which the white tribes of Chepelabah in the land of
Eng shall bring forth.
15 And so shall ye heap up riches, and be strong and
mighty in the land; and the land of the North shall
become a desert and a solitary way ; and it shall become a
desolation ; a place for beasts to lie down in ; and every
one that passeth by shall hiss and wag his hand.
16 And together we will rule the whole land of Unkulz-
Ham and divide the spoils thereof. For we will gather
under our banners all men of the baser sort that dwell in
cities, and all that are ignorant and reflect not, and that
abhor wisdom and understanding and hate the Niggah.
They shall raise their voices for us and cast the lot for us
and smite those who rise up against us.
17 And thus did the Dimoehraths of the North and the
Niggahownahs of the South, in the land of Unkulz-Ham,
covenant and agree together.
18 And the Jonbooles in the land of Eng did rejoice and
were exceeding glad, because of this covenant which
would break down the wall of the Tare-Riphph and let in
the works of white Chepelabah in exchange for the works
of black Chepelabah.
38
The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
19 Albeit the Jonbooles feigned scorn for the Niggah-
ownahs and all their works.
20 And it came to pass that many of the sons and daugh¬
ters of Ouldireland, whose ancient ire against the Jonbooles
grew never faint, had come over the great sea in ships to
the land of Unkulz-Ham. Yet did not their wrath against
Jonboole grow faint, nor their hate grow cold.
21 Nevertheless the sons of Ouldireland did join the
Dimochraths and the Niggahownahs in their covenant,
and their voices were lifted up against the great wall of
the Tare-Riphph, until it should fall like the walls of Jer¬
icho aforetime when the trumpets of ramshorns were
blown against that city.
22 And albeit that in Ouldireland the tribes which the
Jonbooles call Paddheez and Biddheez did hate the Jon¬
booles forasmuch as that they had destroyed their cunning
workmanship in wool and purple and linen, in iron and in
wood and brass, yet in the land of Unkulz-Ham they
joined hands with the Dimochraths and the Niggahownahs.
23 Saying unto the Mineownahs and the Millownahs
among the Jonbooles, Come, bring hither unto us your
cunning workmanship in wool and iron and brass, which
your tribes of Chepelabah have fashioned, and ye shall
exchange it for the cotton wool that is grown by the Dam-
niggah.
24 And so shall the mills of the Uangkiz and the Buc-
cize and the Hoozyahs and the Succahs and the Jahrzee-
ites and Woolvoreens be shut, and their owners be shorn
of their profits.
25 And thus did the sons of Ouldireland because of the
blindness of their eyes ; for though they had eyes, yet they
saw not the errors of the Dimochraths; and ears, yet they
heard not the revilings of the Niggahownahs; nor did
they perceive how the Jonbooles, whom they hated with a
The Sons of Ouldireland and the Tare-Riphph. 39
perfect hatred, did rejoice when the Dimochraths and the
Niggahownahs and the sons of Ouldireland joined hand in
hand to make a breach in the great wall of the Tare-
Riphph so that the Millownahs and the Mmeownahs in
the land of Eng might come in and possess the land of
Unkulz-Ham.
CHAPTER VIII
i War in the land of Unkulz-Ham. 3 The Niggahownahs rebel
against Abraham, surnamed Onystoldabe. Rejoicing among
the Jonbooles. ir T hey hope for barter with the Niggahown¬
ahs. rj, 14, 15 They build great ships for Jeph the son of
David. 17, ig The people of Unkulz-Ham reproach and
threaten the Jonbooles. 20 The people of the North subdue
the Niggahownahs. 22 The Jonbooles are sore afraid. 23,26
They make atonement to the people of Unkulz-Ham.
1 Now it came to pass in the days of Abraham, whose
surname was Onystoldabe and likewise the Rayles-Plittah,
that there was war for many years in the land of Unkulz-
Ham, between the men of the North and the men of the
South, which is called the land of Dicsee.
2 And the Niggahownahs and the Witetrash did rebel
because Abraham the Rayles-Plittah, whose surname was
Onystoldabe, was chosen to rule over them, and they were
afraid lest the time should come when their Niggahs would
no longer labor for their board'nclose; that is, for hog-
andhominee for their food, and sackcloth for their naked¬
ness, and that they would have to buy the merchandise of
the Uangkiz instead of the merchandise of the Jonbooles.
3 And the Niggahownahs arose in their wrath and said,
We will not have this Abraham to rule over us, for his
surname is Onystoldabe, and we abhor him from our very
souls. Lo, we will withstand him and drive his captains
and his officers from the midst of us and tear down the
banners of Unkulz-Ham.
4 And we will separate our provinces from his prov¬
inces, and there shall be one ruler over the men of the
40
The Jonbooles Exult over Unkulz-Ham. 41
North and another ruler over the men of the South, and
there shall be perpetual enmity between us.
5 And the Niggahownahs did choose from the midst of
them Jeph, the son of David, or Davidson—whose name
was shortened to Davis—and so was he known among
men. And when they made him their ruler, he did send
them to battle against the men of the North.
6 And when the Knobooles and the Millownahs and the
Mineownahs and the Landownahs in the land of Eng saw
what had befallen the land of Unkulz-Ham, they hastened
to make merry among themselves.
7 Behold, now, they said one to another, the evil com¬
munications in the land of Unkulz-Ham will no longer
corrupt the good manners of the Pays-Ants and the Arteh-
Zahns in the land of Eng. They shall see and be admon¬
ished of what cometh to pass when the people honor not
the king but rebel against the Lord's anointed and will
not have us to rule over them.
8 And this nation of Unkulz-Ham shall be plucked up
and pulled down and destroyed. And the other nations
shall speak and say unto this land,
9 How art thou fallen, O, Lucifer, son of the morning,
how art thou cut down which didst weaken the nations!
For thou hast said, I will exalt my throne above the stars,
which I have planted on my banner.
xo And the Knobooles in the land of Eng said one to
another, Lo, now that land shall be divided and shall
become weak like other nations. And we shall enter in
and possess it.
11 And we shall trade and deal with the Niggahownahs,
who will not build up against us that great wall which is
called the Tare-Riphph; but they will clothe their Nig-
gahs in our sackcloth, and they will buy our purple and
42
The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
fine linen for themselves, and will take our implements of
brass and of iron.
12 And lo the ships of the land of Unkulz-Ham shall be
destro5red, and the ships of the land of Eng alone shall
float upon the face of the deep and carry merchandise
hither and thither, and we shall prosper and be exceeding
rich.
13 Come, therefore, let us build great ships of war for
Jeph the son of David, who is the chief ruler of the Nig-
gahownahs; for the Niggahownahs have not the where¬
withal to build ships.
14 And we will put in them the engines of war, which
shall scatter firebrands, arrows and death among the fleets
of Abraham whose surname is Onystoldabe. And we will
give Jeph the chief of the Niggahownahs sailors and fight¬
ing men to man those ships.
15 And the men of Jonboole did build those ships, and
the name of the one thereof was the Allah-Bamah, and the
name of the other was the Phloridah. And these ships
that were built in the land of Jonboole for Jeph the son of
David did sail unto the ends of the earth, and they did
seize the ships and the merchandise of the merchants
dwelling in the land of Unkulz-Ham and did burn them,
and likewise the merchandise that was in the bellies of the
ships. 1
16 But it came to pass that a ship belonging to Abraham
whose surname was Onystoldabe did meet the Allah-
Bamah and did fight valiantly against it, and sank it for¬
ever under the waters of the great deep.
17 And the people of the land of Unkulz-Ham were
wroth with the Knobooles and the Millownahs and Mine-
ownahs of the land of Jonboole for giving this aid and
comfort to the Niggahownahs. And when the war between
the North and the South had come to an end, and the
Unkulz-Ham demands Retribution.
43
armies of Jeph the son of David were scattered, and Jeph
himself was taken captive whilst hiding among the women
and attiring himself in female apparel, and Abraham
whose surname was Onystoldabe had been slain, then the
counsellors and the people of the land of Unkulz-Ham
lifted up their voices and said,
18 Lo, now have the people of the land of Eng laughed
at us and mocked at our calamities and had us in derision
when the evil days came upon us.
19 They have comforted our enemies and have destroyed
our ships and our merchandise and have driven our fleets
from the great deep, so that no longer do we carry mer¬
chandise to the uttermost parts of the earth.
20 But the shipmen, and the merchants, and the Kno-
booles of the land of Eng do wax fat and prosper because
they have spoiled us of our gains and have driven our
ships from the great deep.
21 So the rulers of the land of Unkulz-Ham said unto
the rulers of the land of Jonboole, Behold thou didst
mock at us in the days of our calamity and didst laugh
when we were in sore travail; therefore when it shall come
to pass that thou art sore distressed and spent with battle,
we shall do unto thee this and more also. And with what
measure ye mete it shall be meted to you again, unless ye
repent of your evil ways and confess your iniquities, and
shalt show forth fruit meet for repentance, and make rec¬
ompense unto us for your trespasses against us.
22 Then the knees of Eng smote together and he was
sore afraid, for he knew that when their days of mourning
were at an end, the people of Unkulz-Ham would arise
and wax strong and mighty, and would lay judgment to
the line and righteousness to the plummet, and would take
their own with usury.
23 So Eng said unto them, Come, let us reason together.
44 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
Choose ye men of understanding and discretion, and I
will do the same. And they shall sit in judgment upon us.
24 And the people of the land of Unkulz-Ham hark-
ened unto the Jonbooles, and hastened to do according to
these words.
25 And the wise men that were chosen assembled them¬
selves together at Jeeneevah, which is in the land of the
Zwitzers. And they did hear the cause that was set before
them.
26 Then said they unto Eng and his people, Lo, ye have
done evil in this thing, and have worked iniquity. And
ye must make recompense unto the people of Unkulz-
Ham for the iniquities ye wrought upon them. Ye must
pay into their hands of shekels one score and ten millions,
and so shall ye go forth justified and have made atone¬
ment for your sins.
27 And the people of Jonboole rejoiced and were exceed-
ing glad, and they did quickly pay, even as they were com¬
manded. For when they remembered that they had
driven the ships and the fleets of the land of Unkulz-
Ham from the great deep and put an end to his carrying
of merchandise to and fro even unto the ends of the
earth, they made merry secretly within their own house¬
holds. Because for this part of the evil and iniquity which
they did lo, the judges at Jeeneevah had not rebuked them
or commanded them to make recompense therefor.
28 So the tribes of Jonboole laughed in the sleeves of
their garments, and smiled in their inward parts, because
that though they had done this iniquity unto the people of
Unkulz Ham, they had not been forced to make recom¬
pense therefor.
According to some commentators, this chapter contains a history
of the aid and comfort given by the English nobility, shipowners and
England and the Gejieva Award.
45
merchants to the secessionists during the war to destroy the Union,
furnishing the Confederates with cruisers that destroyed American
commerce for the benefit of British commerce. The English gov¬
ernment had, in accordance with the decree of the Geneva tribunal,
finally to pay the actual damages caused, but not for the indirect
damages caused by driving American commerce to other nations,,
and especially to the British shipowners.—Editor.
CHAPTER IX.
i, 2, 3 The people of Dicsee take their foot fro7n the neck of the
Niggah ; j, 6, y But cheat him in the casting of the lot. io
The Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth join hand-in-hand
against the wall called the Tare-Riphph. 12 They invite the
Jo/ibooles to enter. iS, 25 The ungodly of Gotham worship
Tammany. 34 Bilt-Oueed their ruler.
1 Now it came to pass that after Abraham whose sur¬
name was Onystoldabe, and also the Rayles-Plittah, was
slain, the people of the North did prevail entirely over the
people of the South in the land of Dicsee; and did break
down their strong cities and scatter their armies, and did
grind them to powder.
2 And the people of Slaveownia, which is called Dicsee,
did take their foot from the neck of the Niggah according
to the decree of Abraham whose surname was Onystold¬
abe, and also the Rayles-Plittah.
3 And the Niggah was no longer a bondslave. And
power was given him to cast the lot into the urn, so that
he might choose his rulers, even by the side of the Nig-
gahownah and the Witetrash.
4 And thereupon the Niggahownali and the Witetrash,
from the boundary of Masonandicsun to the land of Mek-
siccoh, did wail and gnash their teeth. But, albeit they
were not of a meek and lowly spirit nor of a contrite
heart, they had no helper, but suffered many things of
their adversaries, for they had sowed the wind and reaped
the whirlwind.
5 And it came to pass that the Niggahownahs who no
longer owned Niggahs and the Witetrash who never
46
The Zholidsouth Cheat in the Lot-casting.
47
owned Niggahs, were the Zholidsouth. And they made
themselves a terror unto the Niggah. For when the Nig¬
gahs assembled themselves together to cast lots for him
who should rule over them, the Zholidsouth did thrust at
at them with weapons of iron, and did wound them with
sharp knives that are called Bohee, and fell upon them
with shooting instruments that did breathe forth fire and
smoke.
6 And they did hang the Niggah upon the trees for a
terror unto his fellows, so that he should keep himself
afar from the place appointed for the casting of the lot.
And if peradventure the Niggah was still forward and
perverse and did cast the lot for his ruler, notwithstanding
the wrath of the Zholidsouth and the afflictions where¬
with the Niggahownahs and the Witetrash afflicted him,
then did they make of no avail the lots which the Niggah
cast; tearing them in pieces and spilling them upon the
ground so that they could not be gathered up again.
7 And thenceforward the Niggahownahs and the Wite¬
trash were called the Zholidsouth.
8 And the Dimochraths that dwelt in the North saw
how that the Zholidsouth had brought to naught the right
of the poor and the downtrodden and had made of his
casting the lot for his rulers a hissing and a byword, and
of no avail.
9 So the hearts of the Dimochraths leapt for joy. For
they perceived that the shadow had gone back ten degrees
on the dial of Abraham and that their latter end had been
more blessed than their beginning, and that once more the
Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth and the people of the
land of Jonboole could join hand in hand and go up against
that exceeding great and high wall called Tare-Riphph,
which was built for the protection of the nation of Unkulz-
Ham.
48 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
10 And the men of Jonboole said one to another, Let us
besiege this wall and build great bulwarks against it and
compass it round about.
11 And it shall be that when the Dimochraths and the
Zholidsouth discern our hosts on the thither side of the
wall, that they will open the gates thereof and make a
breach in that wall and we shall enter in and possess the
land of Unkulz-Ham.
12 And we will drive out their artificers and cunning
workmen and lay waste their mills and put out the smoke
of their furnaces, that ascendeth unto heaven but which is
an illsavor unto our nostrils.
13 And the sound of the grinding shall be low, and the
grinders shall cease because they are few.
14 And instead they shall till the ground and make the
fruits thereof to grow and increase and raise flocks and
herds even as did their fathers aforetime when they had
newly come into that land, and were called the Kolonees.
15 Now the great city called Gotham which lieth on the
borders of the land of Unkulz-Ham in the province of Noo
Youarc was ruled by the Dimochraths.
16 And the Dimochraths in that city were like the sands
of the sea and the mosquitoes of Jahrzee for multitude.
17 And some of the men of Gotham were rich and lived
in honor ; and some were wise and diligent; and some
were poor but honest and labored for their daily bread
and were taught in their schools and synagogues.
18 But many were idle and did work only iniquity.
They toiled not, neither did they spin. They went not up
to the house of the Lord. They walked in the counsel of
the ungodly and stood in the way of sinners.
19 They stood in the public houses which were called
Zeh-lunes, and there they did give their neighbors drink
The Sin Offerings and Drmk Offerings to Tammany. 49
and put the bottle to their neighbors' lips, until they
became drunken.
20 And others of them slept not except they had done
mischief and their sleep was taken away until they caused
some to fall.
21 And some broke into the houses of strong men at
night and spoiled them of their goods. And others did
waylay the youth and the stranger and conducted them
secretly into their chamber where the hosts of Faro were
assembled and the Buncoz Teehrers were gathered
together to rob them of their shekels.
22 And there were some whose mouth was full of curs¬
ing and bitterness and their feet swift to shed blood.
23 And strange women with the attire of an harlot, and
subtile of heart lay in wait for the simple ones and them
that were void of understanding, and caught them and
kissed them and brought them to that house which is the
way to hell going down to the chambers of death.
24 And all these did bow down and worship St. Tam¬
many, whose tabernacle was built in the midst of the city
of Gotham. And they did serve him as priests and high
priests at his altar, and were in his pay. And they offered
up to him many sin offerings and a multitude of drink
offerings without number.
25 And their God Tammany appointed some of them to
be officers of Gotham ; to feed at the public crib, and to be
watchmen in the city; and to be counsellors and rulers.
26 And the watchmen took tribute of all them of Gotham
who walked in the counsel of the ungodly, who ate the
bread of wickedness and drank the wine of violence; and
the watchmen saw not the iniquities of them that wor¬
shiped the god Tammany.
27 And the worshipers of Tammany were greedy dogs
50 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
that could never have enough ; they all looked to their
own way ever}' one for his gain.
28 Come ye, said they, we will fetch wine and will fill
ourselves with strong drink, and to-morrow shall be as this
day and much more abundant.
29 And they sold justice for a price. And the highways
were deep with mire. And the evil doers that had a
"pull " with the priests and high priests and the judges of
Tammany were set free, and they returned to walk after
the flesh in the lust of uncleanness and to despise govern¬
ment.
30 And the hosts of Tammany numbered tens of thou¬
sands. And there were captains of fifties and captains of
hundreds. And they ruled over the Thuggites, and the
Tuphphites, the Krooks and the Buncoz-Teehrers.
31 And the wicked and adulterous generation of Tam-
mahy were seeking after a sign. And a sign was given
unto them. It was the sign of the beast full of fierceness
and rage called the tiger. Inasmuch as it was ferocious
and treacherous, and went about devouring its prey and
lying in wait in dark places and in hidden places to fall
upon whomsoever passed that way to devour them, there¬
fore was it given to be a sign and symbol of Tammany and
his disciples.
32 And there were among them of the seed of Unkulz-
Ham ; and some were sons of Ouldireland who had fled
from famine and oppression. And there were also some
of the inhabitants of Nick-Vor-Stay who had been driven
from their own land, where they had no voice nor hand in
the affairs of the people.
33 These could not rule themselves in the land of their
birth, therefore was the rule of this rich and great city
that goeth by the name of Gotham given unto them. And
Some of Ouldireland's Sons Open their Eyes. 5 r
they did govern it according to their own good will and
pleasure.
34 And they did appoint one Bilt-Ouede to rule over
them, and he robbed and plundered this city. And when
they cried out against him, he mocked them, saying, What
wilt ye do about it ?*
35 Howbeit it came to pass that after some years had
passed the eyes of many of the sons of Ouldireland were
opened, and they saw the error of their ways ; and they
forsook the worship of Tammany in the city of Gotham.
And in other parts of the land also some did wash their
hands of the Dimochraths, which were sometimes called
the Great Unwashed, and joined the hosts which did war
against the Jonbooles to repel their assault upon the great
rvall of the Tare-Riphph.
*Verse 34.—Is it possible, asks one commentator, that this is an
ancestor of that eminent Democrat of New York, William M. (or Bill)
Tweed, who died in jail while confined there for robbing the city?—
Editor.
CHAPTER X.
/ The people of Unkulz-Ham choose a ruler every fourth year.
2 The hosts of Tammany uphold the hands of the Dimochraths
and the Zholidsouth. j They take oath to break down the
great wall of the Tare-Riphph. 6, 7 The great wall at the
mercy of the thief, the harlot, the murderer of Gothain. 8, 9
David Bhill, or Belial, reigneth in the stead of Bilt-Ouede.
10 Stephen, whose surname was Gropher, a mighty man
among the Dimochraths, is made ruler. 11 Benjamin, the son
of Harrah, putteth Gropher to flight. 12 A?id repaireth the
breaches in the wall of the Tare-Riphph. 1j, 14, 15 James,
whose surname was Baalhane, is moved by the spirit of
Reezep-Rozzeteeh. ig Many nations enter into covetiant with
the people of Unkulz-Ham. 22 The fonbooles wail and gnash
their teeth. 23 They desire to sacrifice to Reezep-Rozzeteeh.
1 Now it was the custom in the land of Unkulz-Ham to
choose a ruler every fourth year. And when this came to
pass, the tribes that worshiped at the altar of Tammany
said, behold, we are the people of this land. For when
the Dimochraths and their foes do contend one with
another in choosing the ruler of Unkulz-Ham, lo we are
the small dust of the balance, and when it is so that the
beam will easily tip to one side or the other, we may turn
it one way or the other.
2 But the hosts of Tammany were wont to cast them¬
selves upon the side of the Dimochraths ; and did uphold
the Zholidsouth. And it was so both before and after
the great war in the land of Unkulz-Ham.
3 And the tribe of Tammany did take a great oath to
aid the Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth to break down
the great wall of the Tare-Riphph and let in the hosts of
52
The Tare-Riphph Wall at the Mercy of Tatnmany. 53
Jonboole, his Millownahs and his Mineownahs, with their
work in wool and purple and scarlet, their implements of
wood and their instruments of iron.
4 And albeit some of the sons of Ouldireland who had
fled to the land of Unkulz-Ham remembered the woes
and oppressions of the Jonbooles, how they destroyed the
mills and the workmanship of wool and fine linen, of wood
and of iron, in Ouldireland, yet the multitude laid not up
these things in their hearts.
5 But they joined hands with the Jonbooles, and the
Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth to open wide the gates
of the land to Jonboole and all his works.
6 And although the tribe of Tammany, its high priests
and chief men, and its worshipers, were but as dust in the
balance, yet could they turn the beam thereof; so it came
to pass that the strength of the wall of the Tare-Riphph
and its power and its might were at the mercy of the chil¬
dren of Belial in Gotham, namely the thief that cometh in
the night, the harlots, and sorcerers, and murderers, and
bribetakers, and whosoever loveth and maketh a lie.
7 For all these did worship at the altar of Tammany,
and Tammany did exact tithes and tribute of them for the
service at its altars and its temple. And the Dimochraths
and the Zholidsouth did join hands with them to break
down the great wall of the Tare-Riphph which had been
cast up for the protection of the land of Unkulz-Ham.
8 And when Bilt-Ouede slept with his fathers in the
prisonhouse whereunto he had been sent for his great
wickedness, David, a son of Belial who did call himself
David Bhill, reigned in his stead.
9 And Stephen, whose surname was Gropher, was also
a mighty man among the Dimochraths, and he was at
enmity with David Bhill.
10 And when Gropher was made ruler over the land of
54 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
Unkulz-Ham he made proclamation that the people of the
land of Unkulz-Ham should break down the wall called
the Tare-Riphph and should invite the Knobooles and the
Mineownahs and the Millownahs of the land of Eng to
enter in and possess the land of Unkulz-Ham. And all
the Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth did say, Amen !
n But Benjamin the son of Harrah, who had been
raised up to fight against Gropher and the Zholidsouth
and the hosts of Tammany, did contend with them. And
he beat them and drave them back from the wall called
the Tare-Riphph and from their breaking it down, whereby
the tribes of Jonboole might enter and possess the land of
Unkulz-Ham.
12 And Benjamin the son of Harrah repaired the
breaches which Gropher his foreruler had made, and built
up the wall so that it was strong to resist the people of
the land of Eng; neither could the Zholidsouth and the
Dimochraths and the hosts of Tammany throw open the
gates to the enemy in the land of Eng.
13 And Maccinleeh, who was one of the rulers from the
tribe of the Buccize in the land of Unkulz-Ham, helped
rebuild the wall; he built it and covered it, and set up the
doors thereof, and the locks thereof, and the bars thereof.
14 But when Kahrlisle of the province of Bourbon, and
Millzophtecsass heard that Benjamin and Maccinleeh had
rebuilded the wall, they spake before the brethren and
said, What do these feeble folk ? Even that which they
build, if a woodeninjun go up he shall break down their
wall.
15 Nevertheless they continued to build the wall and
set up the doors thereof, and the locks thereof, and the
bars thereof.
16 And James whose surname is Baalhane, was the
chief counsellor of Benjamin the son of Harrah.
The Spirit of Reezep-Rozzeteeh.
55
17 And lo, the spirit of wisdom, that spirit of counsel
which is called Reezep-Rozzeteeh, came upon James, and
he opened his mouth and taught, saying,
18 Lo, now, let us go unto all the world and preach to
every nation. Let us say unto them, If ye will buy of us
and wilt receive into your land the work of our hands,
we will receive those things which ye bring forth and
which will not grow in our land, though we toil and labor
from the rising of the sun unto the going down thereof.
19 And to those that will hearken unto us, we will open
the gates in the wall of the Tare-Riphph and their mer¬
chandise may enter therein.
20 But if they turn away their ear and we find no favor
in their sight, then shall they stay without the wall until
such time as they shall see the error of their ways and
turn from them and knock at the gate. But when they
knock, it shall be opened unto them.
21 And the counsellors and lawgivers in the land of
Unkulz-Ham listened to the voice of James whose sur¬
name was Baalhane, and did according to his word. And
they gave power into the hand of Benjamin the son of
Harrah to execute their decrees.
22 And it was so that many of the nations were filled
with the spirit of Reezep-Rozzeteeh, and entered into a
covenant with the people of the land of Unkulz-Ham.
And they all prospered and increased in riches, because
they hearkened unto the spirit of Reezep-Rozzeteeh.
23 And their ships were filled with merchandise, and
they did sail to and fro from the land of Unkulz-Ham to
all the lands that did hearken unto the voice of Reezep-
Rozzeteeh and its prophets, Benjamin the son of Harrah,
and James whose surname was Baalhane.
24 And the nations which despised its voice and would
56 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
none of its counsel, were sore afflicted and were covetous
of their neighbors.
25 And the people of Jonboole wailed and gnashed their
teeth. And because of the wisdom and subtlety of the
rulers of the land of Unkulz-Ham, their soul was disquieted
within them.
26 And one among them, namely, a lord who was called
Saul-Sbereh, arose and said, Lo, we are cut off from the
nations of the earth because we have not listened to the
voice of Reezep-Rozzeteh. Let us therefore sacrifice unto
him, and peradventure he will be gracious unto us also.
27 And the fame of Benjamin the son of Harrah, and
of James whose surname was Baalhane, spread abroad
among all the nations of the earth.
28 And the scribes and the elders in the land of Jonboole
were friendly unto the Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth,
and prayed without ceasing and preached everywhere that
the great wall of the Tare-Riphph should be overthrown
and not one stone left upon another, and that Benjamin
the son of Harrah, and James whose surname was
Baalhane, should be cast down also, and Stephen whose
surname is Gropher, should be exalted.
CHAPTER XI.
i, 2 Benjamin the son of Harrah and Reid the Scribe appointed to
defend the wall of the Jare-Riphph. 4 The Tidewaitahs,
scribes and taxgatherers. 7, 8 Jaccsun divideth the spoil,
g Stephen surnamed Gropher feigns appointing them for their
honesty. 10 The Dimochraths murmur. 12,13 Adlaipreaches
the salvation of Jaccsun. 14 He appointeth the Tupphites
and the Bummerites. 13 The Dimochraths fall down and
■worship him. 17 Gropher and Adlai appointed champions of
Phreetrade. 18, ig 7he Jonbooles rejoice thereat. 20 Benja¬
min and Reid gird up their loins for battle.
1 And Benjamin the son of Harrah was for the second
time appointed to defend the great wall of the Tare-
Riphph against the hosts of the Dimochraths, the tribes of
the Jonbooles, the worshipers of Tammany and the Zhol-
idsouth.
2 And under him was Reid the scribe, who did write in
the eyes of all the people, and who took his journey into a
far country, and led the swine of the land of Unkulz-Ham
into the land of the Parley-vooz. And there he did offer
up the swine as a sweet smelling sacrifice unto the spirit
of Reezep-Rozzeteeh, and it found favor in the eyes of that
spirit. And the Parley-vooz did offer up also wine and oil
and silk and many things of cunning workmanship.
3 And the people of Unkulz-Ham and the Parley-vooz
did exchange the products of their labor one with another,
because both worshiped and served the spirit called Ree-
zep-Rozzeteh.
4 Now in the land of Unkulz-Ham there were Tide-
waitahs (for inasmuch as the tide waiteth for no man, man
must wait for the tide); and there were scribes and tax
57
56 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
none of its counsel, were sore afflicted and were covetous
of their neighbors.
25 And the people of Jonboole wailed and gnashed their
teeth. And because of the wisdom and subtlety of the
rulers of the land of Unkulz-Ham, their soul was disquieted
within them.
26 And one among them, namely, a lord who was called
Saul-Sbereh, arose and said, Lo, we are cut off from the
nations of the earth because we have not listened to the
voice of Reezep-Rozzeteh. Let us therefore sacrifice unto
him, and peradventure he will be gracious unto us also.
27 And the fame of Benjamin the son of Harrah, and
of James whose surname was Baalhane, spread abroad
among all the nations of the earth.
28 And the scribes and the elders in the land of Jonboole
were friendly unto the Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth,
and prayed without ceasing and preached everywhere that
the great wall of the Tare-Riphph should be overthrown
and not one stone left upon another, and that Benjamin
the son of Harrah, and James whose surname was
Baalhane, should be cast down also, and Stephen whose
surname is Gropher, should be exalted.
CHAPTER XI.
i, 2 Benjamin the son of Harrah atld Reid the Scribe appointed to
defend the wail of the Tare-Rip hp h. 4 The Tide-waitahs,
scribes and taxgatherers. 7, 8 faccsun divideth the spoil,
q Stephen sumamed Gropher feigns appointmg them for their
honesty. 10 The Dimochraths mur?nur. 12, 13 Adlaipreaches
the salvation of faccsun. 14 He appointeth the Tupphites
and the Bummerites. ij The Dimochraths fall down and
worship him. i-j Gropher and Adlai appointed champions of
Phreetrade. 18, iq The fonbooles rejoice thereat. 20 Be)ija-
min and Reid gird up their loins for battle.
1 And Benjamin the son of Harrah was for the second
time appointed to defend the great wall of the Tare-
Riphph against the hosts of the Dimochraths, the tribes of
the Jonbooles, the worshipers of Tammany and the Zhol-
idsouth.
2 And under him was Reid the scribe, who did write in
the eyes of all the people, and who took his journey into a
far country, and led the swine of the land of Unkulz-Ham
into the land of the Parley-vooz. And there he did offer
up the swine as a sweet smelling sacrifice unto the spirit
of Reezep-Rozzeteeh, and it found favor in the eyes of that
spirit. And the Parley-vooz did offer up also wine and oil
and silk and many things of cunning workmanship.
3 And the people of Unkulz-Ham and the Parley-vooz
did exchange the products of their labor one with another,
because both worshiped and served the spirit called Ree-
zep-Rozzeteh.
4 Now in the land of Unkulz-Ham there were Tide-
waitahs (for inasmuch as the tide waiteth for no man, man
must wait for the tide); and there were scribes and tax
57
58 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
gatherers, and them that kept the rolls and that sat at the
receipt of custom, and that delivered the epistles that men
writ unto one another
5 And in the days of Jorjwa-Shington all these were
chosen because they walked honestly, and not in rioting
and in drunkenness; and because they waited patiently for
the tide; and kept the rolls; and gathered the taxes; and
did sit diligently at the receipt of custom; and faithfully
delivered the epistles.
6 But there arose a new ruler in the land of Unkulz-Ham
who knew not Jorjwa-Shington or the patriarchs. And his
name was Andrew, and his surname was Jaccsun.
7 And Jaccsun made proclamation saying, the public
places belong not to the people but to the party tribes and
to the rulers thereof. They are spoil and plunder ; take
therefore the offices from them that are within and give to
them that are without, whensoever they that are without
shall overcome them that are within.
8 Moreover, Jaccsun opened his mouth and spake, say¬
ing, Behold, let the spoil be given to them that before the
battle are the noisiest; and drink the hardest; and that
shout the loudest; and are the most clamorous like a
brawling woman in a wide house; and also to them that
wake psaltery and harp; that sound the party sackbut and
play upon the party cornet; and to them that fill their
bellies with the east wind like the wild ass of the desert;
and to them that do " fine work " at the caucus, and that
say when they take the poll of the people, let two and two
be five.
9 But when Stephen whose surname was Gropher was
ruler of the land, he feigned to walk in the ways of the
patriarchs and to shun the counsel of the wicked, and to
give office to them that had walked uprightly, and were
Dimochraths Murmur Against Gropher.
59
faithful over a few things; and to hinder his followers that
they should not fly at the spoil.
10 And the congregation of the Dimochraths and the
Zholidsouth and the worshipers of Tammany murmured
against him and were exceeding wroth at Stephen whose
surname was Gropher, and would have stoned him with
stones.
11 And they said unto him, Thou art our Moses; for
thou has brought us forth out of bondage into this wilder¬
ness to kill this whole assembly with hunger.
12 But Stephen said unto them. Stand still and see the
salvation of Jaccsun ! Behold, I will appoint Adlai the son
of Stephen, of the tribe of the Succahs, who willeth that
all that lament for the teats shall suck and be satisfied.*
13 And he made Adlai of the tribe of Succahs a ruler
over them that delivered the epistles. And Adlai the son
of Stephen (not the Stephen whose surname was Gropher),
fed the hungry and gave drink to the thirsty Dimochraths.f
*Verse 12.—This passage has arrested the attention of all the com¬
mentators. The tribe of the Succahs dwelt in Illinois, one of the
provinces of Unkulz-Ham. But it appears that one of the peculiari¬
ties of this strange people of the land of Unkulz-Ham was a desire
for office. All afflicted with it were spoken of as those who, for their
daily nourishment, sucked, or desired to suck, the breasts of the pub¬
lic treasury. Scholars are not entirely agreed therefore, whether
Adlai was appointed because being himself a Succali he understood
the craving of those who desired to suck, or whether it was a mere
coincidence.—Editor.
fVerse 13.—The Rev. Dr. Noah Itall and other commentators are
much puzzled by these references to Adlai, the son of Stephen. The
text shows that he is not the son of the Stephen who was at one time
the ruler of Unkulz-Ham. Some readings give Stevenson instead of
Stephenson. One or two commentators call attention to the name in
the Scriptures. 1 Chronicles, Chap. XXVII, v. 29, "And over the
herds that were in the valley was Shaphat the son of Adlai. ' They
60 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
14 Howbeit the Tuphphites and the Bummerites and the
Wardheelers which Adlai appointed to deliver the epistles
were hard pushed to read the superscriptions thereon; and
the merchants "murmured because their epistles went
astray, and the money therein was seen no more.
15 But on this account the Dimochraths fell down and
worshiped Adlai the son of Stephen, and said one unto
another, Behold, Adlai the Succah is mightier than Ste¬
phen whose surname is Gropher, and the latchet of his
shoes Gropher is unworthy to stoop down and unloose.
16 And so it came to pass that when the Dimochraths
and the Zholidsouth chose their captains again, they first
appointed Stephen whose surname was Gropher, because
he feigned to walk in the ways of the patriarchs and
shunned the counsel of the ungodly. But with him they
chose the son of Stephen, not Gropher, because he despised
the ways of the patriarchs and mocked at the upright, and
preached the salvation of Jaccsun unto the Gentiles.
17 And Stephen and Adlai were appointed to lead the
hosts of the Dimochraths and the Zholidsouth in their
assault upon the wall of the Tare-Riphph.
18 And when the tribes of Jonboole heard that Gropher
had again been chosen as the champion of their familiar
spirit Phreetrade, they rejoiced at these tidings of great
joy, saying one to the other,
argue that Shaphat must have been the grandson of Steven or
Stephen. Others have discovered what they regard as evidence of
the spuriousness of this document in the fact that one Adlai Steven¬
son was appointed Assistant Postmaster-General by President Ste¬
phen Grover Cleveland, and subsequently nominated as the Demo¬
cratic candidate for Vice-President. As Assistant Postmaster-Gen¬
eral Stevenson became very popular with his party by turning out
Republican employes in the postoffice department and replacing them
with Democrats.—Editor.
Benjamin and the Scribe Gird up their Loins. 61
19 Behold a deliverer hath been raised up who shall
deliver the land of Unkulz-Ham into our hands. There¬
fore is he a man after our own hearts. Let us strengthen
his hands. Whither he goes we will go. And where he
lodges we will lodge. His people shall be our people, and
where he dies there, too-, shall we be buried.*
20 But Benjamin the son of Harrah, and Reid the scribe
who did write in the eyes of all the people, arose and
girded up their loins. And they said unto the defenders
of the great wall, Be not afraid of them; but fight for
your brethren, your sons, your daughters, your wives, and
your houses. And since the work is great and large and
we are separated upon the wall one far from another,
21 In what place ye hear the sound of the trumpet,
resort ye thither unto us.
22 And there was in the land of Eng an assemblage of
Jonbooles which was called the Kobdenklub. And they
sat long into the night and rose up early in the morning,
seeking to break down the wall of the Tare-Riphph.
*Verse 19.—History repeats itself. The English sentiment of the
present day closely resembles that of the Jonbooles in those ancient
times.—Editor.
Englishmen will watch Mr. Cleveland's campaign with cordial
sympathy.—London Graphic, June 23, 1892.
Mr. Cleveland is the best type of the American statesman, and, if
he does not win, it will be because he is too sound a reformer.—Lon¬
don Star, June 24.
A Republican victory at the polls * * * would retard the progress
of those sound commercial and economic doctrines which underlie
British commercial greatness and alone maintain British commercial
ascendancy.—Londoti Post.
There is a general idea here that the McKinley tariff bill will be
repealed before long. For this reason the hopes of the Democrats
are largely shared in this country.—London Engineering.
•62 The Scriptures of Benjamin the Giant Killer.
23 And they took an oath that they would neither eat
nor drink until they had broken down that wall and had
led the hosts of Jonboole into possession of the land of
Unkulz-Ham.
24 But their counsels were set at naught, and their con¬
spiracies against the land of Unkulz-Ham were all in vain,
■even as had been the counsels and conspiracies of their
forefathers against the Kolonees, and against the might
and power of the land of Unkulz-Ham when that the
Niggahownahs and the Witetrash did rise in rebellion and
would have divided the land, even to its soul and spirit,
to its joints and marrow.
25 And Eng even unto this day desireth the earth and
the. fullness thereof.
An abusive skeptical writer, Prof. Incar Sull, M. A., sneers at the
alleged antiquity of the whole document, and maintains at wearisome
length that these alleged scriptures are nothing but an attempt to
describe in Biblical language the history of the revolt of the Ameri¬
can colonies against Great Britain and the subsequent attempts of
that nation in conjunction with the Democratic party and the people
- of the-Southern States to break down the protective tariff policy of
the United States. But his reputation for reckless assaults upon the
scriptures wiW prevent his successful impeachment of these writings.
—Editor.
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