a /9? V T'EMFERANi K PLATS—ift Cents Each. PR 4713 .R3 Copy 1 oom, 11 5 Bottle, - Acts, 12 5 Drunkard's Doom, •d's Life 10 4 I Aunt Dinah's Pledge. M F Mr 11 6 j Temperance Doctor. . SO 4 - 15 5 Fruits of the Wine* on. . « 3 <3 3 j Drunkard's Warning, (c) 6 3 No. CCCLXIIT. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA e .ANDALL'S J.HUMB; %n (Original tfomcfcij, in %hm %m< By W. S. GILBERT, {Member of the Dramatic Authors' Society.) AUTHOIl OF Dulcamara, or the Little Duck and the Great Quack ; Allow rue to Explain; Highly Improbable ; Harlequin Cock Robin and Jenny Wren ; La Vivandiere. or True to the Corps ; The Merry Zingara, or the Tipsy Gipsy and the Pipsy Wipey ; No Cards (German Reed's); Robert wt sots* 3r* V motile ?&*&* yvticb. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. Price 15 Cents each.— Bound. Volumes $1.25. *f^ VOL. I. 1 Ion 2 Faxio S The Lady of Lyons 4 Richelieu 5 The Wife 6 The Honeymoon 7 The School for Scandal 8 Mopey VOL. II. 9 Tho Stranger 10 Grandfather Whitehead 11 Richard III 12 Love's Sacrifice 13 The Gamester 14 A Cure for the Heartache 15 The Hunchback 16 Don Csesar de Bazan VOL. III. 17 The Poor Gentleman 18 Hamlet 19 Charles II 20 Venice Preferred 21 .^izarro 23 The Love Chase 23 Othello 24 Lend me Five Shillings VOL. IV. 25 Virginius 26 King of the Commons 27 London Assurance 28 The Bent Day 29 Two Gentlemen of Verona 30 The Jealous Wife 31 The Rivals 32 Perfection VOL. V. [Debts 33 A New Way to Pay Old 34 Look Before You Leap 85 King John 86 Nervous Man 37 Damon and Pythias 38 Clandestine Marriage 39 William Tell 40 Day after tLo Wedding VOL. VI. 41 Speed the Plough 42 Romeo and Juliet 43 Feudal Time3 44 Charles the Twelfth 45 The Bridal 46 The Follies of a Night 47 Iron Chest [Fair Lady 48 Faint Heart Never Won VOL. VII. 49 Road to Ruin 60 Macbeth 61 Temper 52 Evadne 63 Bertram 64 The Duenna 65 Much Ado About Nothing 56 The Critio VOL. VIII. 67 The Apostate 68 Twelfth Night 69 Brutus 60 Simpson & Co 61 Merchant of Venice 62 Old Headsfc Young Hearts 63 Mountaineers [ri^ge 64 Three Weeks after Mar- VOL. IX. 65 Love 66 As You Like It 67 The Elder Brother 68 Werner 69 Gisippus 70 Town and Country 71 King Lear 72 Blue Devils VOL. X. 73 Henry VIII 74 Married and Single 75HeniT IV 76Paul>ry 77 Guy Mannering 7.8 Sweethearts and Wive* 79 Serious Family 80 She Sto(.ps to Conquer VOL. XI. 81 Julius Csesar 82 Vicar of Wakefield 83 Leap Year 84 The Catspaw 85 The Passing Clout* 86 Drunkard 87 Rob Roy 88 George Barnwell VOL. XII. 89 Ingomar 93 Sketches in India 91 Two Friends 92 Jane Shore 93 Corsican Brothers 94 Mind your owji Business 95 Writing on the Wall 96 Heir at Law VOL. XIII. 97 Scidier's Daughter t»S Douglas 99 Marco Spada 100 Nature's Nobleman 101 Sardanapalus 102 Civilization 103 The Robbers 104 Katharine and Petruchio VOL, XIV. 105 Game of Love 106 Midsummer Night's 107 Ernestine [Dream 108 Rag Picker of Paris 109 Flying Dutchman 110 Hypocrite 111 Therese 112 La Tour de Nesle VOL. XV. 113 Ireland As It Is 114 Sea of Ice 115 Seven Clerks 116 Game of Life 117 Forty Thieves 118 Bryan Boroihme 119 Romance and Reality 120 Ugolino VOL. XVI. 121 The Tempest 122 The Pilot 123 Carpenter of Rouen 124 King's Rival 125 Little Treasure 126 Doinbey and Son 127 Parents and Guardians 128 Jewess VOL. XVII 129 Camille 130 Married Life 131 Weulock of Wenlock 132 Rose of Ett-ickvale 133 David Co. afield 134 Aline, or .3 Rose of 135 Pauline [Killarney 136 Jane Eyre VOL. XVIII. 137 Night and Morning i38^®thiop 139 Three Guardsmen 140 Tom Cringle 141 Henriette, the Forsaken 142 Eustache Baudin 143 Ernest Maltravers 144 Bold Dragoons \ i).V XIX. 145 Dre 1 ., oi the Dismal [ Swamp 146 Last Days of Pompeii 147 Esmeralda 148 Peter Wilkins 149 Ben tb<3 Boatswain 150 Jonathan Bradford 151 Retribution 152 Minerali VOL. XX. 153 French Spy 154 Wept of Wish-ton Wish 155 Evil Genius 156 Ben Bolt 157 Sailor of France 158 Red Mask 159 Life of an Actress ISO Wedding Day [Moscow >^ I VOL. XXI. 161 All's Fair in Love |162 Hofer 1163 Self 164 Cinderella 165 Phantom 166 Franklin 167 The Gunmaker of 168 The Love of a Prince VOL. XXII. 169 Son of the Night 170 RoryO' More 171 Golden Eagle 172 Rienzi 173 Broken Sword 174 Rip Van Winkle 175 IsabeTle 176 Heart of Mid Lothian VOL. XXIII. 177 Actress of Padua 178 Floating Beacon 179 Bride of Lamermoor 180 Cataract of the Ganges 181 Robber of the Rhine 182 School of Reform 183 Wandering Boys 184 Mazeppa VOL. XXIV. 185 Young New York 186 The Victinn 187 Romance after Marriage 188 Brigand 189 Poor of New York 190 Ambrose Gwinett 191 Raymond and Agnes 192 Gambler's Fate VOL. XXV. 193 Father and Son 194 Massaniello 1 95 Sixteen String Jack 196 Youthful Queen 197 Skeleton Witness 198 Innkeeper of Abbeville 199 Miller and his Men 200 Aladdin VOL. XXVI. 201 Adrienne the Actress 202 Undine 203 Jessie Brown 204 Asmodeus 205 Mormons 206 Blanche of Brandywine 207 Viola 208 Deseret Deserted VOL. X\ VII, Americans in Paris 210 Victorine 211 Wizard of the Wave 212 Castle Spectre Horse-shoe Robinson 214 Armand, Mrs Mowatt 215 Fashion, Mrs Mowatt 16 Glance at New York VOL. XXVIII. 217 Inconstant 218 Uncle Tom's Cabin 219 Guide to the Stage "20 Veteran 221 Miller of New Jersey 222 Dark Hour before Dawn 223 Midsum'rNight'sDream [Laura Keene's Edition 224 Art and Artifice VOL. XXIX 225 Poor Young Man 226 Ossawattoniie Brown 227 Pope of Rome 228 Oliver Twist 229 Pauvrette 230 Man in the Iron Mask 31 Knight of Arva 232 Moll Pitcher VOL. XXX. 233 Black Eyed Sus^n 34 Satan iu Paris 35 Rosin-, Meadows [ess 236 West End, or Irish Heir- 237 Sir Degrees of Crime 238 Th. Lad; and the Devil 239 Avenger,or Moor of biei- 2*0 Masks and Faces Jlv Catalogue continued on third pag e of c over.) VOL XXXI 241 Merry Wives of Windsor 242 Mary's Birthday 243 Shandy Maguire 244 Wild Oats 245 Michael Erie 246 Idiot Witness 247 Willow Copse 248 People's Lawyer VOL. XXXII. 249 The Boy Martyrs 250 Lucretia Borgia 251 Surgeon of Paris 252 Patrician's Daughter 253 Shoemaker of Toulouse 254 Momentous Question 255 Love and Loyalty 256 Robber's Wife VOL. XXXIII. 257 Dumb Girl of Genoa 258 Wreck Ashore 259 Clari 260 Rural Felicity 261 Wallace 262 Madelaine 263 The Fireman 264 Grist to the Mill VOL. XXXIV. " 265 Two Loves and a Life 266 Annie Blake 267 Steward 268 Captain Kyd 269 Nick of the Woods 270 Marble Heart 271 Second Love 272 Dream at Sea VOL. XXXV. 273 Breach of Promise 274 Review 275 Lady of the Lake 276 Still Water Runs Deep 277 The Scholar 278 Helping Hands 279 Faust and Marguerite 280 Last Man VOL. XXXVI. 281 Belle's Stratagem 282 Old and Young 283 Raffaella 284 Ruth Oakley 285 British Slave 286 A Life's Ransom 287 Giralda 288 Time Tries All -, VOL. XXXVII. * 289 Ella Rosenburg 290 Warlock of the Glen 291 Zelina 292 Beatrice 293 Neighbor Jackwood 294 Wonder 295 Robert Emmet 296 Green Bushes VOL. XXXVIII. 297 Flowers of. the Forest 298 A Bachelor of Arts 299 The Midnight Banquet 300 Husband of an Hour 301 Love's Labor Lost 302 Naiad Queen 303 Caprice 304 Cradle of Liberty VOL. XXXIX. 305 The Lost Ship 306 Country Squire 307 Fraud and its Viotims 308 Putnam 309 King and Deserter 310 La Fiammina 311 A Hard Struggle 312 Gwinnette Vaughan VOL. XL. 313 The Love Knot [Judge 314 Lavater, or Not a Bad 315 The Noble Heart 3l6Coriolanus 317 The Winter's Tale 3|8 Eveleei Wilson 3l9Ivanhoe 320 Jouatt in In England No. CCCLXIII. FRENCH'S STANDARD DRAMA. • » » :s T AND ALL'S IHUMB %n ©rigiiwl ®0nuirg, in Cljra Slris, By W. S. GILBERT, (Member of the Dramatic Autiwrs' Society.) AUTHOR OF Dulcamara, or the Little Duck and the Great Quack ; Allow me to Explain; Highly Improbable ; Harlequin Cock Robin and Jenny Wren : La Vivandiere, or True to the Corps ; The Merry Zingara, or the Tipsy Gipsy and the Pipsy Wipsy ; No Cards (German Reed's); Robert the Devil, or the Nun, the Dun, and the Son of a Gun ; The Pretty Druidess, or the Mother, the Maid, and the Mistletoe Bough ; An old Score ; Ages Ago (German Reed's;; The Princess, a Whimsical Allegory ; The Gentlemen in Black ; Our Island Home (German Reed's); Palace of Trutti ; A Sensation Novel in Three Volumes (German Reed's); &c., &c. NEW YORK: SAMUEL FRENCH & SON, PUBLISHERS, 122 Nassau Street. First performed at the Opening of the Royal Court Theater, under the management, of Miss M. Litton, 25th January, 1871. CAST- OF CHARACTERS.— [Randall's Thumb.] DR. TROTWAY, - - JOE BANGLES, - - - RANDALL, .... BUCKTHORPE, - - - MR. SCANTLEBURY, MR. FLAMBOYS, - - CUMMING, .... CLENCH, EDITH TEMPLE, - - MRS. SCANTLEBURY, MISS SPINN, - * - MRS. FLAMBOYS, - - Royal Court. Mr. H. Mellon. Mr. Edward Righton. Mr. W. Belfoed. Mr. Hermann Vezin. Mr. Frank Matthews. Mr. Astley. Mr. Parry. Mr. Jarvis. Miss Kate Bishop. Mrs. Stephens. Miss Maggie Brennan. Miss Eleanor Bufton. Wallaces, N. Y. Mr. M. Lanagan. Mr. J. H. Stoddart. Mr. Chas. Fisher. Mr. B. T. Ringgold. Mr. John Gilbert. Mr. Owen Marlowe. Mr. W. J. Leonard. Mr. J. Peck. Mrs. Clara Jennings. Mrs. John Sefton. Miss Emily Mestayeh. Miss Effie Germon. ACT I.— GARDENS OF BEACHINGTON HOTEL. ACT ir.— THE CLUMP ROCKS. ACT in.— GARDENS OF BEACHINGTON HOTEL. Scenery by Mr. Brine wood Potts and Assistants. Modern Seaside Dresses. Randalls dress rather seedy arid pretentious. Time in representation, two hours and a half. GIFT EST. OF J. H. CORNING JUNE 20. 1940 RAND ALL'S THUMB. ACT I. SCENE.— Gardens of Beachington Hotel Entrance to hotel, i- ', garden table and two chairs, r. ; table and chair, l. ; gong at entrance to hotel ; visi- tors' book on it. tabic ; entrance to hotel garden, c. ; sea view. Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys discovered sitting at table r., but apart, as if they had quarreled — enter Mr. Bangles, from hotel. Bangles [l.] Ha, Flamboys ! How d'ye do, Mrs. Flamboys? [Aside.] Holla.' another row '( It's a most extraordinary thing that these young people should quarrel as they do. Flamboys is a capital fellow. Mrs. Flamboys is a pretty and agreeable woman. And they don't speak half-a-dozen words a day. Flamboys [e., yawning.'] Oh, dear! oh, dear ! It's awfully slow here ! I say, Bangles, don't you find it awfully slow? Bang Slow ? No ! Flamb Ah, you're a single man; that makes all the difference at a watering place. Bang It does make a difference, no doubt, but it seems to me that the advantage is all on your side. [Boiving to Mrs. Flamboys, c. Flamb Unsophisticated soul ! May that fond delusion never be dis- turbed. You're a bachelor — take an old stager's advice and keep so. [Mrs. Flamboys rises, in a huff, and retires up. Bang [Crossing to Flamboys.] My boy, I don't like to hear any man talk like that. It's excusable in a half-fledgod griff, with a pocket full of dangerous money and a body full of dangerous tastes, but a married man who speaks as you speak is a traitor of his order. You've taken the shilling — stick to your colors like a man— and don't damn the service because you don't happen to hit it off with your commanding officer. Flamb My dear fellow, who does hit it off with his commanding officer ? Bang Bosh ! That's the foolish fast sham-cynical cant of the day. I've heard many a youngster speak as you speak, and I've lived long enough to see nearly all of them happy husbands and happy fathers, Those who stick to the professions of their youth are those whom no decent woman would have. . 4 RANDALL'S THUMB. Mrs Flamboys [l.] But it seems strange that so ardent an advocate of married life should have lived single so long. Bang [a] It s no fault of mine, Mrs. Fiamboys — I should have been married thirty years ago, if I'd had my way — to a lady twenty years older than myself ! Perhaps it's as well that I didn't. Flumb Quite, I'm sure. Bang But I've turned the corner some time now, and I'm going down-hill pretty quickly, and I — I often wish, Mrs. Flamboys, that I had some one to put the skid on for me, and let me down easily. An old man feels the want of a wife more than a young one dors, depend upon that. It's no joke to look forward to a solitary old age with death in apartments at the end of it; and the only symptom of regret, the demand made by your landlady on your executors for compensation on account of the house having got an ill name from your Laving died in it. Flamb Well, if an old stager's example can be of any service in inducing you to come to a practical conclusion on the subject, you're quite welcome to it ! How long do you propose to stay at Beach iDgton ? Bang Stay ? All the autumn— all the winter, perhaps. It's a delightful place. By Jove, sir, it suits me down to the ground. When I see a face I like. I want to speak to it; and at Beachington one can do that without fear of a snub. I've lived in London for the last three months, and I haven't made three acquaintances. I have been here three weeks and I've made thirty. I like most faces. By Jove, I like yours— though you do talk infernal nonsense. [Sha/cing hands with Flamboys. Mrs F [Seated, l.] Strange taste ! Bang And I like your wife's. Flamb You're easily satisfied. Bang I don't dislike Scantlebury's face. Mrs F And Mrs. Scantlebury's. Bang Well— yes, and Mrs. Scantlebury's. Mrs F Take care, Mr. Bangles— she's a bride ! Bang Oh, don't misunderstand me— it's purely aesthetic— purely aesthetic. I admire Mrs. Scantlebury as I admire a painting. MrsF Oh, I see ! If you look upon Mrs. Scantlebury as a painting, I admit that there is some color for your admiration. Bang Ha, ha! you're severe on the bride, Mrs. Flamboys— but I say — how does she doit? Mrs F Indeed I don't know— you had better ask Mr. Scantlebury. Flamb Oh, he don't know. He's not been married long enough. Husbands learn these things slowly and by degrees. Mr. Scantle- bury has only been married a fortnight, and 1 suppose that at the present moment he's at that stage of discovery which takes the form of a puzzled wonder why the deuce his wile will keep her dressing- case locked. He'll find out all about it some day. At least I did. Mrs F Mr. Flamboys ! How dare you say such a thing ? Flamb Well, and whom else do you admire ? There's Trotway. Bang Oh, Jack Trotway, of course. Whv, Jack Trotway is the oldest and dearest friend I have in the world. We were at school together— walked Guy's together— entered the Service together as Assistant Surgeons-left it together as Inspectors of Hospital*. Flamb And Miss Temple, his niece ? EANDALL'S THUMB. 6 Bang Edith Temble ! Yes, yes ! God bless her— I like Edith Temple's face. Oh, yes, I like Edith's face. Mrs F Well, then there's Miss Spinn. Bang Weil, and I like— no, hang it, I do not like Miss Spinn. [Takes stage, E. Mrs F But that's very ungrateful, Mr. Bangles, for I'm sure she likes you. Why, you are always together ! Bang [a] Always together, ma'am ? We are the Siamese twins in everything but physical union ! If we were physically united, a surgical operation might separate us; as it is, I'm not aware of any operation — surgical or otherwise — that will keep us asunder. That woman's the pest of my life. Flamb I wonder you stand it. Bang Stand it? Confound it, you don't want me to strangle the woman, do you ? Flamb No, that would be an extreme measure. I shouldn't try that until all other means had failed. Bang All other means have failed. Sir, the woman is too old a hand. She comes to attack me armed with an experience which I suppose is utterly unexampled. What is a simple-minded Indian to do with a woman who in her time has been a governess, a lady's companion, or Crimean nurse, a columbine, a missionary, a vivan- diere, a stewardess, and a Bloomer ? Enter Miss Spinn from hotel. Miss S [l. c] Talking about me, Mr. Bangles, as usual ? [Aside to Bangles.] Oh, you indiscreet man ! Bang [r. c] Yes, ma'am, I have been talking about you. I'm not aware that there are any secrets between us. Miss S [Aside to Bangles.] Very judiciously passed off. [Aloud.] Secrets? Certainly not. 1 haven't a secret in the world! Yes, Mrs. Flamboys, in my time, I've been everything, by turns — Flamb [r.] Except a wife. Miss S And nothing long. Bang Except a spinster . Mrs F [l., mischievously.] Do you know, Miss Spinn? I often won- der, that with your love of change, it has never entered your head to get married ? Mr. Bangles was just saying so as you came in ! Bang I, ma'am ? Hang it, Mrs. Flamboys — Miss S. Dear Joe! [Aside to Bangles.] Oh, you imprudent boy! [Aijud.] Mrs. Flamboys, I will tell you a secret. [Confidentially.] It has entered my head to get married ! Mrs F Impossible ! [Exit Bangles, unperceived, r. u. e. 3Iiss S But true. Over and over I have said to myself, " It is my duty to marry . " But whom? There's my diiiiciilty. Flamb Yes — I see your difficulty. Miss S He must be a good man he must be a rich man — he must be a man of exquisite taste, and his admiration for me must be un- bounded. Now, it ian t easy to find this combination of qualities in one individual. Flamb That I can quite understand. Miss S Exactly. Above ail, he must be furiously jealous, in order to — to-- Mrs F To curb your love of change ? 6 RANDALL'S THUMB. 3fiss S Exactly. When I find such a man, I will throw myself into his arms, and I will say, u Take me, and be happy !" Mrs F But would not that he rather abrupt ? Miss S What, the remark? Oh, of course, as I put it; but I am assuming that he has led up to it. Flamb But that's begging the question. Miss S Oh, but that s often done. Flamb I believe it is. It was in my case. Mrs F Mr. Flam boys ! Flamb Ah ! [Sighs. Mrs F Ah ! [Sighs.] Brute ! Miss S Um ! Pleasant people, these. [Aloud.] But Mr. Bangles — where's Mr. Bangles ? Ilamb Gone. Miss S Gone ? Why, do you know, I came here on purpose to find him? Flamb No ! Miss S I did, indeed. I'm organizing a pic-nic to the Clump Rocks this day week, and I want Mr. Bangles to help me. Mrs F Well, Miss Spinn, Mr. Bangles went off very quietly, directly you came Miss S Very quietly ? Mrs F Very. Miss S As if he didn't wish to be observed ? Flamb Exactly. Miss S Sly old gentleman — he meant me to follow him. Silly fel- low; as if there's anything to be ashamed of in our liking each other's society. But these Indians are so sly. Which way did he go ? Into the grove ? Thank you. Good morning. [Exit Miss Spinn, r. u. e. — Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys rush into each other's arms. Flamb My darling— now, at last, we are alone ! [Kisses her. Re-enter Miss Spinn — they disengage. Miss S I beg your pardon — I forgot to.askif I might put your name down ? Flamb Oh, certainly. Miss S And Mrs. Flamboys ? Flamb [Brusquely.] Oh, she don't want to go. She's got nothing to go in. Besides, a pic-nic is no fun, when one's wife is there. Mrs F Indeed, but I shall go, if I have to wear my alpaca. Put me down, if you please, Miss Spinn, as well as Mr. Flamboys. [To Flamboys.] Brute! Mm S That's right. It will be delightful if we have a fine day. Now for Mr. Bangles. [Exit Miss Spinn, r. u. e. Mrs F There, now — she saw you kiss me ! — It'll be all over the hotel ! Flamb But, My darling pet, you are my wife ! Mrs F Certainly, dear. But husbands don't avail themselves of every opportunity of kissing their wives, after they have been mar- ried five years. It's all very well at first, but people cool down. Fl/mb Ah, it's so difficult to remember the dreary fiction that we've been married five years, in face of the delightful fact that we've been married only three weeks. RANDALL'S THUMB. 7 Mrs F But you must try, my pet; you must, indeed. Only think, if it should be known in the hotel that we are on our honeymoon tour ! Why, we shouldn't have a moment's peace ! Flamb It would he extremely awkward. Well, I've done all I can — I've quarreled with you over and over again in public. I've wor.i the oldest boots I could find. I've flirted with every woman I*w come across. I've constantly referred to our numerous family, and I've never lost an opportunity of eating sage and onions. Mrs F My pet, how good of you ! [Kissing him.] Our numerous family ! Flamb Yes — four? Both Ha! ha! Mrs F Now, mind— I insist on your being extremely rude to me on all public occasions. You must say the unkindest things about my dress, and my complexion, and my hair— and you must snub me whenever you've an opportunity. Flamb My love, I'll be a perfect brute ! Mrs F I'm sure you will. Think how much annoyance and obser- vation we save ourselves by such a course. Look at those two ridi- culous old donkeys, the Scan tlebury s, who are always advertising the fact that they are honeymooning, although she's sixty, if she's a day. Look at them, with their arms round each other's waists, as if they were two-and-twenty ! It's positively indelicate ! Flamb Ah ! there are no fools like old ones ! Enter Mr. and Mrs. Scantlebury, r. u. b., fondling. Scant [l. c] Now, my darling, I must insist on your wearing a shawl — it's too cold to be out without one. Ah, Mrs. Flamboys ! assist me in persuading Frederica that she will certainly catch cold, if she don' t wrap herself up. Mrs F [Sealed, l.] Oh ! I couldn't presume to dictate to a lady of Mrs. Scantlebury's age ! Besides, it is not a cold day. Flamb [r.] Not cold? — it' s freezing ! Mr. Scantlebury is quite right. It's all very well for you to go about as you do — you're a mere girl ! But when you're Mrs. Scantlebury's age, you'll know better, won't she, Scan tlebury ? Scant [Aside.] These persons are very insufferable ! Mrs F And when Mr. Scantlebury has been married as long as we have, he will only trouble himself about one circumstance connected with Mrs. Scantlebury's toilette. Scant And that is — ? Mrs L That it is regulated with a due regard to economy. Such, at least, is my experience. [Looking savagely at Flamboys. Ram There you are — at it again ! Nag — nag— nag all day long ! Mrs F Then you should give me somethiug fit to wear ! Will you believe me, Mrs. Scantlebury, when I tell you that he hasn't given me a single dress since my marriage ! I am positively wearing out my trousseau at this moment ! 'Scant Oh, Flamboys ! I'm ashamed of you ! Mrs Scant Oh, Mr. Flamboys, we're ashamed of you. Flam Ah ! wait till you' ve been married five years ! You are young at ifc just now, and you're carried away by enthusiasm. It's astonish- ing how that sort of thing dies out ! Mrs Scant Horace, assure me that this sort of thing will not die out, 8 RANDALL'S THUMB. Tell me that you will always— always— always—love me as you do now! Scant Frederica, do you doubt me ? Mrs Scant No — I cannot doubt those eyes ! [Gazing at him. Scant My own ! Mrs Scant My love ! Flamb [Aside.] Old fools! [Aloud.] Ah! when I married Mrs. Flam- boys, I believed in all that. Mrs F So did I— but I have been bitterly undeceived ! Oh, Mrs. Scantlebury ! it is a pleasant thing to dream that the honeymoon is to last for life !— but it is a terrible thing to awake and find that you have married an icicle ! [ Weeps. Mrs Scant Horace, is it possible that you are an icicle in disguise ? Scant If I were, what would become of me before the blaze of those radiant eyes ? Mrs Scant Go, flatterer ! Scant My own ! Mrs Scant My love ! Flamb Oh, this is intolerable ! Scant Mr. Flamboys, you must excuse us if we are a little effusive. This is the most interesting period of our existence. I dare say, now, that under similar circumstances you went on just as we do now ? Flamb I dare say; but really, it's so long ago that I haidiy remem- ber. I've no doubt we made ourselves excessively ridiculous. Newly- married people always do. [Lighting cigar. Mrs Scant Mrs. Flamboys, do you allow Mr. Flamboys to smoke ? Mrs F Oh, he can do as he likes ? Mrs Scant Mr. Scantlebury never smokes. Mrs F Nor did Mr. Flamboys under Mr. Scantlebury' s interesting circumstances. But all that is changed now ! [Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, unobserved by the Scantleburys, r. u.e. Mrs Scant Horace, is it possible that the time will ever come when you will be so indifferent to my wishes as to degenerate into a highly- flavored smoker ? Scant Frederica, the man who, in pursuance of any selfish indulgence, would fly in the face of his wife's expressed wishes, 1 hold to be no better than a — [Looking round, and changing his tone.] Oh ! we are alone. [Lights a cigar. Mrs Scant Eh? Oh ! Now, Mr. Scantlebury, did you hear what that young man said ? Did you hear him say that I was making myself ex- cessively ridiculous ? Scant Yes, I heard that. Mrs Scant And are you going to permit that young man to insult me with impunity ? Scant What do you propose that I should do to that young man ? Mrs Scant I ask you — is such a remark to pass unchallenged ? Scant Oh, I've no objection to challenge the remark. But really, considering that this is our -thirty-fifth wedding-day— Mrs Scant Mr. Scantlebury ! I believe we agreed that the first thirty- four were to go for nothing. Scant Go for nothing ! Have I passed through thirty-four years of married life with you to be told that I am to consider that they have gone for nothing ? RANDALL'S THUMB. 9 Mrs Scant Certainly. I am a bride; you are a bridegroom. Why, bless my heart, one's nobody at Beachington if one isn't a bride ! Scant Then am I nobody ! Mrs Scant, Do you think that I should be the central attraction at Beachington if it were not supposed that 1 am newly married Scant No. Mrs Scant My attractions are fading. Scant I hey are. « Mrs Scant I am not so young as I was. Scant I don' t agree with you there. You' ve been thirty-nine for the last twenty years. Mrs Scant [Bitterly.] Ah — but you are my husband ! [Civsses to l. Scant I am convinced of it. Mrs Scant And a very pretty husband you are. Scant Go, little flatterer ! Mrs Scant Now, once for all, Mr. Scantiebury, let us understand one another. I choose to be looked upon as a bride, for i cannot do with- out attention, and I will not do without attention. The doctor has ordered it for rue. Therefore, I prefer to have it supposed that we are a newly-married couple, and you will be good enough to give your countenance to my scheme. And a very pretty countenance it is! [L'xit MRS. SCAN'TLEEURY, R. Scant Incredible as it may appear, that was a very pleasant woman — live and-thirty years ago. So I'm a bridegroom again ! I wish I was! Well, the fiction has its advantages. It makes Mrs. Scantle- bury extremely pleasant in public — and I contrive to keep in public as much as I can. It's hard when it comes to dancing with Mrs. Scantiebury, as I did last night; but she don't dance long at a time. [Retires up. Enter Randall, C, followed by Claiming, atvaiter, with very large seedy portmanteau and a new smart valise — then Buckthorpe, who sits on bench at the back of the stage. Rand Very good; then take the large portmanteau to thirty five. Camming The one with very little in it, sir? Rand [r.] What the devil is it to you what's in it ? Don't shake it about like that ! Take it up stairs, and carry it carefully. Mind, if the side comes out I hold you responsible. [Exit CmnnsQ into hotel.] What's this, the visitors' book? [Opens and reads.] "Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, Scarborough ; Miss Spinn, Ilookham; Mr. and Mrs. Scantiebury on their" — ha! ha, — "on their honeymoon." [/Sc^Scantllbury.] I beg your pardon. Scant [a] I am Mr. Scantiebury, sir. [With dignity. Rand Oh, indeed ! On your honeymoon? Scant Yes, sir, on my honeymoon. Rand Ha, ha ! Scant I see nothing to laugh at, sir? Rand Of course you don't — it's a devilish serious position for you, But don't you find it amuses your friends ? Scant No, sir, I do not find that it amuses my friends. Rand They must be bull-dogs. Scant I believe there is nothing to be ashamed of in the fact that I am on my honeymoon ? 10 RANDALL'S THUMB, Rand Nothing at all. Quite the reverse. It's very creditable to you at your time of life. Scuni Society, sir, I believe, could not be carried on without hon- eymoons. Rand Quite out of the question. You're a martyr in a good cause. Scant [Aside.'] This fellow is laughing at me. He shall see that I'm not to be trifled with. [Grossss to u., then aloud.] Good morning, sir. [Exit, n. Rand Ha, ha ! [Refers to book.] "Joseph Bangles, M. D., late Ben- gal Army. Dr. Trotway and neice." Good. [Aside.] They are here. Buck [Coming down, l.J Well, now that you've brought me all the way down to Beachington, perhaps you'll let me know what you want with me. Rmd I want you to help me to carry out a scheme by which 1 shall make a pot of money. Buck Suppose I refuse ? Rand But you won't refuse; you can't belp yourself. Do you re- member tbe night of the 14th of August, 18S9 ? Buck I'm not likely to forget it. Rand Probably not. We don't commit murders every day. At least, I don't. Buck It was no murder, and you know it. I was attacked by a stranger in the dark, at the edge of Banton Cliff, and in self-defense I struck at him with a sword-stick. Rand You did. He fell over the cliff and was killed. At my sug- gestion you left Englaud that night. The body was found, and your victim proved to be a highly respectable commercial traveler named Peters, and a coroner's jury, having the fact of the sword-thrust strongly before their eyes, returned a verdict of *' Willful Murder " against some person or persons unknown. Buck In the sight of heaven I am innocent. Rand No doubt. But in the sight of the law you are guilty. A reward of three hundred pounds is offered for your apprehension. I could earn that three hundred pounds this evening. I am extreme- ly hard up. The letters you wrote to me from Dijon, identifying you with the man who caused his death, are in my pockets, and the local police station is next door. Buck You know that I am innocent of any crime. Rand Stop ! What do yoa understand by the word " crime?" Buck An offence against the law. Rand Childish ! A crime is that unfortunate combination of cir- cumstances which induces a jury to return a verdict of guilty. Be- lieve me, I speak from experience. But don't be afraid — 1 don't in- tend to inform against you. I want you: you are valuable to me. Buck You are very good. Rand Not at all. Buck Well, perhaps not. Rand I am sure not. Now for the work that I want you to do. Buck Disagreeable, I suppose ? Rand Very. There's an extremely nice girl with thirty-eight thousand pounds, stopping in this hotel, and I want you to make love to her. Buck Why don't you do it yourself? Rand Do vou think I should be successful ? RANDALL'S THUMB. 11 Buck [Looking at Mm coolly.'] No. Why am I to do this ? Rand To explain that, I must go back to the history of my mar- riage. Buck I thought you were a bachelor? Rand So do a good many others — but I'm not. Buck Heaven help your wife ! Rand Heaven has. She is no more * " . Buck Was she pretty ? Rand Very. f Buck What did she die of? Rand Old age. Buck You said she was pretty ? Rand She was—but that was long before I was born or thought of. I met her at Beachmgton three years ago— she was then seventy- nine. She was a very affectionate old lady; and, as I found she had money, I proposed to her then and there, and then and there she accepted me. Within three days we were married Buck Sharp work ! Rand It was sharp. But when the bride is seventy-nine, time is the essence of the contract. Two hours after the ceremony, the tran- quil joys of my honeymoon were interrupted by the information that I was wanted for felony. I bolted. Buck With your wife ? Rand No. She had many recommendations, but rapidity of niove- nient was not one of them. She only felt herself equal to a Bath chair — under the circumstances, I preferred the limited mail. So we were separated — cause, incompatibility of locomotion. The old lady, ashamed, no doubt, of her husband, kept her marriage secret, and six weeks after she died of inanition. Well, her will was opened, and by it she left all her property— thirty-eight thousand pounds— to her niece. But as the will was dated six months before her marriage with me, it was to all intents and purposes a worthless document. That is the money that I want you to help me to recover. Buck But if your story is true, why don't you take legal proceed- ings to recover it ? Rand Because, my child of nature, if I rely on the simple truth of my story — every word of which I am in a position to prove — the cir- cumstances are so remarkable, that public attention will be directed to it, and the fact will come out that I am the unfortunate individ- ual who, under another name, left this hotel for Liverpool five min- utes before two detectives from Scotland Yard entered it in search of me. That contingency, my unsophisticated shepherd, you will under- stand I am anxious to avoid. So, my lamb, I want to give out that the old lady and I were friends of some years' standing; but in order to do this, I must know something about her previous history — her friends— her way of living — her movements— and so forth — of which I happen to know nothing whatever. So I want you to establish a flirtation with this girl, in order that you may be able to extract from her such information on these points as shall enable me to concoct a rather less violent account of my marriage with her Buck And if I refuse ? Rand If you refuse, I shall have to content myself with three hun- dred pounds instead of thirty-eight thousand. Buck It's a dirty job ! 12 RANDALL'S THUMB. Rand Not at all. If my story is true, I am entitled to the money. Buck Yes— if it's true ! Rand Mv simple lad, you can ascertain its truth by reference to the register of St. Jude's, in this parish. After all, you are only help- ing me to my own. It's a roundabout way of doing it, but as it's a matter of life and death to you, you are not likely to be squeamish on that point. [Aside.] This must be Dr. Trctway. Enter Dr. Trotway, through c. from l., smoking. [Aloud.] I'm going to the post-office. I shall be back directly. Have you got a light ? [Crossing to l. — taking out cigar-case. Buck [l.] No. You know I don't smoke. Trot [r.] Allow me to offer you one. [Offers lighted cigar. Rand [a] Thank you. Eh ! Not Dr. Trotway ? ' Trot Yes. Should I know you? Rand I had the pleasure of meeting you, many years ago, at your regimental mess in — in — Trot Kurrachee ? Rand Karrachee. Don't remember me, I dare say ? No ! I had no whiskers then. This is my old chum, Reggy Buckthorpe— late 24th. We shall meet at dinner, I dare say. Good morning ! [Exit Randall through gate, c, and off, l. Trot Don't know his face; dont want to. Friend seems a decent fellow. [Aloud.] 24th — eh— Mr. Buckthorpe ? Knew them very well in the Punjuab; but that's before your time. Buck Yes. I joined in '02— left in '68. Trot Half pay ? Buck No. Sold out. Trot [Aside.] Bad! Buck Hard up. Trot Good ! Like a man who owns to that. Enter Edith, r. u. e. Edith [r.] Uncle, the pic-nic promises to be a great success. Buck [l., astonished.] Edith! Edith Mr. Buckthorpe ! Buck How strange that we should meet thus ! Trot [a] Eh? Why, what's this ? You are old friends? Edith Oh, yes! I had the pleasure of knowing Mr. Buckthorpe some years ago, before papa's death. I then went to India, and we have never met since. I am very glad to see you. Trot So am I. I don't know you, sir ; but as a friend of my poor brother's, I am heartily glad to make your acquaintance. Are you making a long stay ? Buck Well, yes— some weeks, I think. Troi That's right ! Then we shall see something of each other. I must be off to join Bangles. We are going to take shootings here, and we shall be delighted to give you a gun. Good morning, Mr. Buckthorpe ? You and Edith can talk over old times. [Exit Trotway, r. u. e. Buck This is a strange meeting, Edith ! Edith It is, indeed, Mr. Buckthorpe ! Buck Mr. Buckthorpe ? RANDALL'S THUMB. 18 Edith Yes, We are merely friends now. Buck Are — are you married ? Edith No. Buck Arc you engaged ? JEdith No. Buck Then you have quite ceased to love me? Edith You have no right to ask me that. My poor father forbade me even to speak to you again. He is dead. . Buck So I heard. He was very hard on me. Edith He was very j ust. Buck Yes; but it is as hard to distinguish extreme justice from ex- treme injustice, as to distinguish extreme heat from extreme cold. I was a penniless spendthrift, and I suppose he was right; but it would have made a good man of me, if I had married you. Edith Was he to know that ? Buck No; but yon knew it. Edith I believed it. I am sure I could have influenced you. Buck Why, from the first day I saw you, my life changed. Dur- ing the six months that our acquaintance lasted I was an altered man. My soul was full of you, and there was no room for thought of evil to enter. I had no time to do wrong. I had never before met a woman whom I could love; I have never met one since. You loved me then — I know you did. I was amazed — astounded, when I learnt this; it opened out a prospect of a new rnd changed life to me; it had never entered my head that a good and pure woman could love such a man as I. I have known so few, Edith; and those I have known have treated me as a hopeless outcast. Edith Oh, Mr. Backthorpe ! Buck They have had good reason to do so. I never knew either father or mother, and my guardian was a strict, cold man, who had little sympathy for a boy's errors. I had been left to my own ways all my life, to make what associates I pleased, and when I entered the service, I was banished to a foreign station, where time hung heavily on my hands, and where the devil of mischief had full op- portunity of working his worst with me. Under different auspices I might have been a different man — I am sure of this, from the influ- ence that association with so pure and good a woman as you had over me. But I was cut off from the influence of good women, at an age when such an influence would have been all-powerful with me. Oh, Edith, I am a miserable fellow ! [Sits at table, k. Edith [a.] I — I am truly sorry to hear you say this. Mr. Buck- thorpe, you pain me deeply. Buck After your father dismissed me from your presence, I lived on in hope that circumstances — I knew not how — might bring us to- gether again. But he died, and you had to join your uncle in India, and the sun went down on the only bright .day my miserable life had known ! Edith Mr. Buckthorpe, it is not fair to tell me all this. When I told you that I loved you, I knew nothing of your past li^e— you seemed to me to be all that a man should be. I loved you, because you real- ized my dream of what a man should be, but when I learnt the circumstances of your past career, my eyes were opened to the folly of my dream, and if you had died on the day that I owned my love for you, I should not have suffered greater anguish. I wept over yon, 14 RANDALL'S THUMB. Reginald, as over a dead love. The Reginald of those happy days is indeed dead to ine, but his memory lives and can never die [Sits, r. Buck But, Edith, you could not say this to me if you had wholly ceased to iove me. Edith Mr. Buckthorpe, do not mistake me; I love the memory of an ideal man. The man I love has no existence — he never lived. I love the man whom I believed Reginald Buckthorpe to be. Buck I was a good man when we parted — I may say so now, for I am good no longer. I look back on those six months in my life as on an episode in the life of another man. Edith, have pity on me— give me another chance. Edith No; I am bound by my father's wishes. He is dead. Buck He is dead, and therefore can not recall his words. Were he aliv&, and did he know all the circumstances of my unhappy life, who shall say that his heart would be steeled against me ? He knew nothing, except that my career had been wild, reckless, extravagant. He attributed my altered lite to interested hypocrisy — because you had wealth, and I was poor: but when he knew me, I was indeed a changed man. Edith, you loved me. Where is the man whose heart would not be purified by such love as yours ? [Edith appears undecided how to act. Enter Raxdall from l. and through c. Randall [l. , aside to Buckthorpe.] Very good. Buck [a] AVhat do you mean ? Rand I mean very good. I mean that you've lost no time — you've been going it. you babe of nature ! Buck I don't understand you. Band Don't you? I mean that you've lost no time in commencing operations. This is the young lady whose thirty-eight thousand pounds I claim. Buck Edith Temple ? Rand Exactly. Didn't you know that? Introduce me. Buck She is a lady. Rand You'd better do as I tell you. Buck [Reluctantly.] Miss Temple — Mr. Randall. [Retires up. Rand Miss Temple, I had the pleasure of' knowing your uncle, Dr. Trotway, in India, some years ago. Edith Indeed? Rand Yes, we renewed our acquaintance this morning. [To Buck- thorpe.] I had no idea that Miss Temple and you were acquainted. Edith Yes, we are old friends, but we have not met for some years. Rand [Aside.] This simplifies matters. Young people who are old friends, and who haven't met for some years, generally get very con- fidential when they do meet. Enter Miss Spixx and BANGLES, r. u. e. Ifiss S [r.] Well, we've settled all preliminaries. There are three carriages, and a donkey cart, which I am going to drive. Edith [a] How many names have you, Miss Spinn ? Miss S [Referring to list.] Sixteen. [Edith and Buckthorpe retire up. Rand [Crossing to Miss Spixn.] Have you really got sixteen names? Fifteen of 'em aliases ! That beats me hollow. * Jits /S I really have ! and I want one more to be complete. RANDALL'S THUMB. 15 Bang [Azije. r.] I know you do— mine ! But you won't get it [Aloud.] Perhaps these gentlemen will join ; Band Certainly— eh, Buckthorpe ? 8 Oh, but t an i it will throw out all my arrange- ments. Never mind, Mr. Bangles,, you and I will charier thedc cart. Bang Impossible ! Bang I don't enjoy riding in donke -ides, we should never keep pace with the others, we should drop behind. Mis* 8 [Tenderly.'] A little, perhaps — half a mile or so — not more. That wouldn't matter a bit ! Bang It would sp-il the whole thing, ma'am. It's the essence of a thing of this kind that all should arrive at the same moment. Mta 8 Then we two will start an boar before the other-, to 1 : I everything ready— there, it's quite sealed, Mr. Bang you in my trap. Band {Aside, l.] Egad, it looks like it ! Bang [r. j No, no — it would be better if Edith and I were to go to- gether, eh— Edith ': — and — Miss S Wouldn't do at all. It would never do to take the only young unmarried lady out of the party. Besides, what would peo- ple think ? Now, two old fogies like us can do what we like? Bang I wish we could. Mia 8 Mr. Bangles, I'm shocked at you ? There, that's all set- tled, and if these gentlemen will give me their names — Band Mr. Piandall — Mr Buckthorpe. Buck [a] Excuse me, I can take no part in this excursion. I leave for London to-night. Enter Dn. Teotwat, r. u. e. Edith Oh. Mr. Buckthorpe ! Buck. I leave for London to-night. [With deliberation. Rand [Aside] Are you mad ? Trot [a] What's that I You told me you intended to remain some weeks. Buck Circumstances have occurred which render necessary my im- mediate presence in London. There is a Chancery suit — Involving my succession to a large fortune— Rind But you knew of that this morning, my bleating lampkin, you knew of that this morning. Edith [Aside.] Is this on my "account? Buck It is. Edith Then, on my account, stay. Buck I cannot— you don't know all ! Rand I^think on reflection you will see that this haste is unneces- sary. [Takes him aside.] If you attempt to leave this place until I give you permission, I will place your letters in the hands of the local police — you know me well. [Aloud.] Ladies and gentlemen, I have the pleasure to inform you that 1 have convinced Mr. Buckthorpe that his intended departure is unnecessary. He will have much pleasure in joining your party. Bak^les. Mi=3 S. Teotway. Edits. Randall. .Sucxxbober. 16 RANDALL'S THUMB. ACT II. SCENE. — The Clump Rocks. The entrance to a large cave occupies the fore- ground of stage, with sea-share in the distance. The entrance from L. is over large loose rocks; the entrances, r., arc open; the two large detached rocks in the center should be sufficiently flat on their surfaces to serve as tables, and they should be surrounded with rough ledges, about eighteen inches high, to serve as scats; the sm:Ul detached rock, r., should be about twelve inches high; the stage is covered with other rock-work, to mask the rising of the water. Servants discovered arranging lunch, superintended by Miss Spinn — Ban- gles sitting moodily apart, l., endeavoring to turn out a jelly. Miss S Well, Mr. Bangles, how are you getting on with that jelly? Bang Ma'am, the con founded thing won't come. Miss S Pat it back into tae warm water. [Coming down,] Mr. Ban- gles, I often think that I'm very like a jelly. A good and clever husband might melt me down and pour me into any mould he pleased. Bang Ma'am, it's a privilege of which he would be certain to avail himself at the earliest opportunity. But I don't think you'd " turn out" well. Miss IS Yes, I should, dear. A little gentle warmth— such as I apply to this jelly. Bang Gentle warmth? Nothing short of perpetual hot water would do it. Miss S [Crossing to Bangles.] And would you try the hot water? Bang I would, indeed, ma am. Miss S [Earnestly.] Perpetual hot water ? Bang Perpetual hot water. Miss S Hot water that would not cool down as time went on ; wa- ter that would be always, always hot ? Bang Ma'am, it would be as hot as fire could make it. Miss S Ardent soul ! We will talk of this again. Bang Really, Miss Spinn — Miss S Oh, Joseph, I am so happy ! Bang Holdup, ma'am, pray -this is extremely awkward. They are coming, ma'am, and we shall be caught ! Miss S You are right, we must be discreet — we must be very — very prudent. I am not angry — indeed, I am not angry, you imprudent, headstrong boy ! There, hush, they are coming ; we will speak of this again at a more convenient time. Oh, Joseph, I am so happy ! Enter Dr. Trotway and Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, l. , over rocks. Bang Miss Spinn, I — that woman would extract a proposal of mar- riage from the Pope of Pome ! [Takes stage, r. Trot Take care, Mrs. Flamboys, the rocks are very slippery. Well, Miss Spinn, you have arranged everything, I see. Bang Yes, Miss Spinn has arranged everything. Trot I always said she was a capital manager. Bang And 1 heartily endorse the observation ! Mrs F Here come the turtle-doves. Ah, I wonder how long it will last ? [Mr. arid Mrs. Flamboys seat themselves in front of detached rock u Enter Me. and Mrs. Scantlebury, ever the rocks, t. RANDALL'S THUMB. 17 Scant Come along, my angel. Ladies and gentlemen, oblige me by looking the other way while Mrs. Scantlebury climbs over the rocks. [They do so.) Now jump. Mrs. Scant. Edward, if anybody is looking, I shall go and drown myself ! There. [Jumps Flamb May we look now ? ' Scant You may. [They stand in an attitude of embrace, c. All Beautiful ! Miss S Are we all here? Enter Randall. Rand No, there's Edith to come, and Buckthorpe. I tell vou what it is, I vote we don't wait for them. Trot We won't wait for them. It will serve them right. Won't it, Baugles ? Miss S Ob, but that would bv a pity. Suppose, Mr. Bangles, you and I start off to meet tlit-m and hurry them on. Trot No, no, leave them alone. They must be taught that if they choose to separate themselves from the rest of the party, they must be prepared to take the consequences. [They seat themselves— Mr,, and Mrs. Scantlebury at lower rock. Dr. Trotway at higher rock— Bangles onsmcdlrock, r., and Miss Spinn on hamper, between Bangles and Mr. Scantlebury— Randall standing c.J Let them lunch together. Rand [Aside.] Where shall 1 sit t [Ha makes one or two attempts to sit near Mrs. Flamboys and Mrs. Scantlebury, they close up to prevent his doing so.] Somehow, I'm afraid I'm nut a favorite here. There's Mrs. Fiamboys— she's a nice little thing— black eyes, plump figure, and don't get on with her husband. Siie'll do. [Sits near Mrs. Flam' boys.] I know I'm not a pleasant person to look at, but my conver- sation is considered sparkling. I'll try and sparkle. Mrs. Flambovs ' Mrs F Yes. Rind [Sentimentally.] Do you believe in first impressions? Mrs F Sincerely. Rand [Taken abjek.] Oh ! But don't you find that your first estimate of a man is sometimes a mistaken one? Mrs F [ With decision.] Never. [Aside.] I wish this person would 20 Rand Humph ! Cold shoulder ! Mrs F Mr. Fiamboys, if it's not asking to great a favor, I should like a little lobster s.dad. Flamb [l.] Oh hang it ! Can't you get it yourself? Rand What an ill-bred boor it is. Allow me, Mrs. Fiamboys. [Gives her salad. Mrs F Oh, thank you. [Aside to Flamboys.] leant touch it after that dreadful man; get me something else— anything. Flamb My darling— there . [Gives her chicken. Miss F Thank you, dearest. What are you eating? Flamb Nothing. I live on love. Mrs F My darling ! Flamb My pet! Trot Ha !— hem ! Flamb [Rudely.] Here, somebody give my wife something— she won't touch anything I give her. Mrs F No, thank you; I've finished. Ah, I had an appetite once ? Flamb You had — enormous ! Mrs F Brute ! 18 RANDALL'S THUMB. Rand [Who has gone round to Mrs. Scantlebury, c] Mrs. Scantle- bury, do you believe in first impressions ? [Pathetically. Mrs Scant [Startled.] Bless and save tbe man — what does he mean ? Rand [Reproachfully.'] Ah, and you, too, give me the cold shoulder ! Mrs Scant Some cold shoulder for Mr. Randall. [Turning away from him. Scant Certainly, Randall, Shall I put some mint sauce over it. Rand Devilish odd; they don't seem to like me at all. [Aloud.] Thanks, I have some pigeon pie. Trot Then have some more. [Gives him some. Rand Is this pigeon ? Tret No, it's rook. Flamb They go very well together, don't they, Randall ? Scant It's a great Homburg dish, isn't it, Randall? Trot Rook and pigeon, with a good steak, is a dish you're always glad to have a finger in, ain't you, Randall? Mrs Scant A finger ? [To Randall.] There's no occasion to use your fingers, sir ! Allow me to hand you a fork. Flamb Randall always prefers a spoon if he can get one; don't you Randall? Scant I can provide you with one. . [Offers one. R:md I'm sure you can. Thank you. Scant What do you mean by that, sir ? [Rising. Band You were born with a silver one in your mouth, were you not? Scant Well, sir, and if I was, sir — and if I was, sir? Rand Well, I meant that one. [Goes round to Miss Spinn. Scant [Aside to Mrs. Scantlebury.] Now, how the deuce did he know I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth? Mrs Scant He traced it in your conversation. Scant [Angrily.] Frederica! Mrs Scant Horace ! Scant [Recollecting himself.] My own ! Mrs Scant My love ! Flamb [l.] Scantlebury, leave your wife alone, do. Mrs Scant Sir! Mr. Scantlebury is not in the habit of letting his wife alone. If you are envious -of Mr. Scantlebury' s happiness — Flamb But I am not. Scant You're right, Flamboys. Mrs Scant Horace ! [Angrily. Scant Frederica ! 31rs Scant [Recollecting herself.] My love ! Scant My own! [They embrace. Rand Miss Spinn ! [Randall in the meantime has gone round fo Miss Spinn, introducing himself be- tween Miss Spinn and Bangles. Miss 8 Well? Rand Do you believe in first impressions ? MissS Oh, I don't believe in anything. Rand I'm glad of that, it shows a sense beyond your years. / be- lieve in nothing, but / have been five and thirty years learning that nothing is worthy of belief. If I had known it at your age, I should have been a happier man. Miss S Indeed ! RANDALL'S THUMB. 19 Rand Yes - alas ! I have lived a life of trust ! Miss S A !i Ce on trust you mean. [Aside.] 1 wish he'd go. Rand And my trust has been bitterly misplaced. Inme you behold a wasted destiny. I was mad<; to oe believed in, but no one believes in me. You don't seem surprised. Miss S Well, I'm not. Rand Ah, you are like the rest of the world — you, whom I had thought so different. You see that I am ugly, and you conclude that I am wicked. Miss ti Oh, I didn't say that. [A side. [ He is extremely plain. Rand Oh. 1 don't complain, ma'am. It's natural enough ; I myself often act on ihe converse o f the proposition. I see that you are beau- tiful, and 1 concluded that you are good. Miss S [Aside.'] Poor fellow ! How nicely he expresses himself. I am afraid I have judged him harshly. How an»;ry Joseph looks ! I'll make him jealous ! [Aloud— rising and coming down.] But if you knew me better, you might find that you were mistaken -you might fiud that I was not — Rand Beautiful? Miss S No— good. Rand Will you let me try ? Miss S [Bashfully.] Yes. Trot Come, we must be off to the caves if we want to see them — the tide is coming in, and this place will be under water in half an hour. Bangles, give your arm to Miss Spinn. [He does so— Servants begin to clear away. Rand Pardon me, I claim Miss Spinn. It's an engagement five minutes old. [Takes her. Bang Thank you— thank you sincerely. [Shakes Randall's hand. Miss S [Aside..] Oh, you sarcastic creature! There'll be blood spilt, I know there will ! [To Randall.] Swear that you will not light on my account. Rand I swear ! [All exeunt b., except Bakgj^S r.nd Pit. Thotway. Trot Come along, Joe, you and i il pair oil' together. Bang No — I'm out of sorts. Trot Why, what's wrong ? Bang Well, to be candid with you, I don't like to see Edith and that fellow Buckthorpe so much together. Trot Young people, Joe — young people ! We were young once, you know. Bang [Sadly.] Yes— once. [Aside.] They're always together — on the beach, on the parade, on the pier — wherever she goes he's sure to turn up with his confounded " Miss Temple, this is indeed an unex- pected pleasure !" Unexpected — bah! Why,- he knows her move- ments to a minute, and her plans for a week to come. Trot This is rather a critical moment in Buckthorpe' sexistence.^ He is expecting every minute to hear that a Chancery suit has determined in his favor, and if it does, it will put him in possession of a consid- erable fortune. Bang The deuce it will. Trot Yes. As Edith and I were walking through Beech wood, yes- terday, who should turn up of all people in the world but Buck- thorpe. " Dear me, Miss Temple," said he, " this is indeed an un- expected pleasure." 20 BAND ALL'S THUMB. Bang Bah ! Trotway, do you ever go to the play ? Trot Oh, yes ; often. Bang Very good. Then here's a little drama in two acts, and a moral that will interest you. Act 1— Scene, the Earth. Time, sun- rise. Personage discovered : the Astronomer-Royal. The Sun rises in the east, Astronomer- Royal speaks, "God bless my soul," says he, "you rising in the east? This is indeed an unexpected plea- sure." End of Act 1. Act 2 — Same Scene. Time, sunset. Person- ages discovered : the Astronomer-Royal, and the Sun about to set. Astronomer- Royal speaks. " God bless my soul," says he, " you are setting in the west? This is indeed an unexpected pleasure." Moral— The Astronomer-Royal's a humbug. [Exit Bangles, r Trot Nonsense. Joe, you're hard on Buckthorpe. It's very odd that Joe Bangles, who likes everybody, should have taken such a dis- like to young Buckthorpe, whom everybody else likes so much. I can' t account for it. Enter Edith and Buckthorpe over the rocks, l. Trot Well, young lady, you've taken your time about it. We've lunched without you. Edith Uncle, I was so tired, I was obliged to sit down. Trot Well, we had to remove everything to the top of the cliff, as the tide is rising ; so if you want any lunch you r d better come with me — come along, Buckthorpe. [Exeunt Trotway and Edith, r. As Buckthorpe is following them, Randall enters, r. Rand [rJ Stop— I want to speak to you. Buck [l.J Well ? Rand Well, you've been a week at work, and precious good run- ning you've made in the time. Buck Yes — pretty well. Rand Nice girl. Buck Yes. R ind Pity she has to loose her money ! Buck It is a pity. Rand Well, you've made good use of yOur time. I couldn't have got around her in a week as you have. Back Oh, you're too modest ! Rand Yes, I am modest. Why, at this moment I know of half-a- dozen ladies — devilish fine women, too — who'd give a good deal to know where I am. Buck Ladies? Rand Yes. Buck What kind of ladies? [Contemptuously. Rand Landladies. Don't mistake me — it's rent, not spoons. No, no — Jack Randall is not the man to run away from that sort of thing. Buck No— he's just the sort of man to run away with that sort of thing. Rmd What sort of thing ? Buck Spoons. Rand My good friend, you d >n't understand these things. I am not a strictly honest man, but I should no more think of sneaking down an area after a plate-basket th in you would of sitting down to dinner with a dustman. Damme, sir, pay some regard to social dis- RANDALL'S THUMB. 21 tinctions. If you are a swell, swindle ; if you are a snob, sneak. Always rob according to your station in life. Golden maxim. Buck Then, by your own admission, you're a swindler. Rand I'm a chess-player. Buck But you cheat. Rand No — I finesse. Buck I don't understand the distinction. Rand I'll make it clear to you. I have a scheme to take your queen. To effect this, I arrange that my bishop shall occupy this square— my knight that— my rook that, and so forth. If you're a skillful player you detect my scheme and prepare to baffle it ; if not, I gain my end. And because I don't explain my tactics beforehand, you kick the board over. Buck Your games generally end that wajr, don't they ? Rand Generally. The art of losing with a good grace is an accom- plishment which is very generally neglected, I often wish it was otherwise. Buck No doubt. Rand But let's get to business. What haye you gathered from this pirl about my lamented wife? Buck Nothing. Rand Not yet ? Buck No, not yet. Rand Then, as time's getting on, and as I have very good reasons for not stopping here longer than is necessary, I think you'd better begin. Buck Oh, you think that ? Rand Yes, I do. Look here, Buckthorpe, I'm not going to stand any nonsense— I've got my fingers round your throat, and one squeeze will choke the life out of you. This evening I must know all about this wife of mine — you've got about an hour to do it in ; you'd better begin at once. Here comes the girl. I shall be within hearing, so you'd better be careful. ^ # Buck I would rather you did not listen. Rand No doubt ; but I shall. Randall goes behind rock, k. u. e., as Edith enters, r. Edith Mr. Buckthorpe, do you know where my uncle is ? Buck No; I have not seen him. Edith I saw some one with you — Buck Yes— Mr. Randall. Edith Oh. Is Mr. Randall a great friend of yours ? They sit — Edith on lower rock with her back to Randall, BuCKTUonrE on higher rock, facing him. Buck No, he's not a great friend of mine. Edith Is he — you'll think it a strange question— is he a very nice man? Buck No, he's not a very nice man. Edith He doesn't look at all nice. Buck He is not at all nice. [Randall attempts to go.] It's about two years since your aunt, Miss Brackenbury, died ? [Randall stags. Edith Just two years, poor old lady. Buck So Randall told me. 'Edith How in the world does he know anything about her ? 22 RANDALL'S THUMB. Buck He is a very well-informed man. Edith Indeed ? He looks like a— a — You don' t mind my speaking openly about him ? Buck Not at all. I like it. Edith He looks like a — what do you call those people at fairs and races ? Buck Punch and Judy man ? Edith No, swell mob. Surely he's not a gentleman? Buck Most surely not. Edith Then how is it that you and he are so much together ? You are so entirely different. He is the worst-looking man I ever saw. [Randall going. Buck I'll tell you all about that, some day. How old was your aunt when she died ? [Randall stops. Edith Seventy- nine. Buck So Randall told me. Elith Mr. Randall seems to know a great deal about my aunt. Buck It is part of Mr. Randall's profession to know a great deal about a great many people. Edith His profession ? Is he at the bar ? Buck Very often. He is a swindler — a forger — an adventurer — a low-bred thief, and an utterly unmitigated scoundrel ! [Exit Randall, k. — Rising.'] Edith, that man has a terrible hold upon me. He has evidence which implicates me in a crime of which he knows me io be utterly innocent, and he threatens to make that evidence public if I withdraw from his society. Edith [Rising.] A crime ? Buck A crime of which, before heaven, I am utterly innocent ! I have been weak, imprudent, selfish, dissipated, but my honor, as hon- or is esteemed by the world, is still unstained. Edith I am sure of it. Quite, quite sure of it. But is there no prospect of your being able to shake off the influence of this fearful man— Reginald, Lam — I am rich — forgive me for" what I am going to say. I am rich, and my money is at your disposal. Will you let me help you ? Buck Edith, j^ou have it in your power to help me as no other soul on earth can help me. There is a help that you can give me, for which I, who do not often pray, will pray day and night — the help of your companionship — of sweet association with one as good and pure as you. Edith, give me this hope— tell me that weak, wicked as I have been, I am not beyond the reach of your mercy ! Edith Who am I, Reginald, that I should set myself up as a judge of your conduct? I have been so hedged about from the very approach of temptation, that I can only guess at the meaning of the word. I have been jealously guarded through life, by strong, and wise, and loving counsellors. I have never had one wish thwarted. I have reveled in the happiest life that this world can bestow, and shall I sit in judgment upon you, who have been left from boyhood to your own courses — turned adrift into the world without friends, without counsel, and without cxamble — to fight the world unadvised, unaided, and alone ? Oh, Reginald, I am more just ! Buck Edith, your words give me new life— new hope. I have been an outcast so long, that I had almost given up the struggle with the world in despair. RANDALL'S THUMB. 23 Edith Still the world is a good world ; you were your worst enemy — Buck Yes ; God help him of whom that, may he said ! A hrave man can grapple with an outside foe — and if he falls, he falls with honor. But when one's deadliest enemy is locked up in one's own heart, ever present, and ever watchful to take advantage of weak- nesses known only to itself— his case is desperate indeed ! Yes ; I was my worst enemy. I knew the strength of my weakness, and I surrendered to it at discretion. Edith But there is yet time. You are young and strong and hrave — you have that within you, which, under due guidance, may yet place you high among your fellows. Buck And where shall I look for that guidance — to you? Edith Reginald, I am a poor, weak, inexperienced girl — a baby in the world — un tempted and untried. I do not know myself, for I have been put to no proof. J am unfitted for so great a charge ! Buck [Passionntely.] Edith, in your hands I place my life— do with it what you will. It is my last — my only hope ! Tell me that you will take it into your keeping. Edith [After a pause."] If you think me worthy to undertake this great charge— yes. Buck Bear in mind what I am — what I have been— an adventurer — an outcast. Edith I think only of what you will he, when you have separated yourself from the evil influences that have hitherto surrounded you. It may be within my power to help you to do that ; if it is, I will help you with all my heart, with all my soul. Reginald, I icill be your guide. Buck For life ? Edith For life. They retire up, and go off, it. u. e. Enter Mrs. Scantleburt and Flamboys, r. Mrs Scant How delightful this is, Mr. Flamboys ! How pure — how grand — how calm ! I don't know whether I admire the ocean most under its present peaceful aspect, or when it is lashed into fury by the demon of the storm. Flamb I do. When it is lashed into fury by the demon of the storm, there's no fish for breakfast next day. Mrs Sca?it I'm afraid you've no romance, Mr. Flamboys. Flrsmb Not a grain ; I had plenty of it when I was your age. Mrs Scant Oh, Mr. Flamboys, you are surely younger than I! [Bashfully.] Flamb Oh, much — in years —but I mean matrimonially speaking. I mean when I was first married. Mrs Scant Oh ! Flamb But Mrs. Flamboys soon knocked that out of me. Mrs Scant Indeed ? Flamb Yes. Mrs. Flamboys has no romance. She is as matter-of fact as the multiplication table, and quite as difficult to master. Now, when I married, my conversation was so metaphorical that no one understood me. In fact, Mrs. Flamboys hooked me by placing a matter-of-fact interpretation upon a flowery invitation to dance. She married me through a metaphor, and fixed me with a figure of speech. And a pretty dance she's led me ever since. 24 RANDALL'S THUMB. Mrs Scant Poor Mr. Flamboys ! That was enough to cure you of romance. Flamb Yes. but it didn't. After my marriage. I surrounded myself with a mamelon of metaphor— a palladium of poetry — a fortress of figure of speech— but it was of no good, Mrs. Flamboys battered it all down. 3Irs Scant Battered it all down ? What with ? Flamb Babies. Four of 'em— George, Thomas, William and John. Mrs Scant And how old are they ? Flamb Oh. I don't know ! The youngest may be ten days. Mrs Scant Ten days ! [Astonished. Flamb [Confused.] No, no — I mean ten years. Mrs Scant Ten years ! [Horrified. Flamb No, no— what am I saying? Ten months —months — months? I know it's ten something. [Aside.] I wish this woman would go. Mrs Scant Poor Mr. Flamboys ! Do you know, the more I sec of Mrs. Flamboys, the more I pity you. Flamb The deuce you do ! — that is— of course — thank you — thank you, sincerely. [Aside.] I wish Scantlebury would come and fetch her away. Mrs Scant Any one can see that you are not happily mated. It is a great pity, for you are young, and— and— good-looking. Flamb Eh? [Frightened. Mrs Scant [Simpering.] Very good-looking. I may say so, Mr. Flam- boys, for I am old enough to be your — ahem !— aunt. Flamb Quite. Wouldn't you like to rejoin Mr. Scantlebury ? Mrs Scant Oh, dear, no, Scantlebury 's all right; that is — yes, if you please. Dear Mr. Scantlebury, where can he be ? [Looks off, u.—then aside.] Here he comes. [Aloud.] I think I see him over there. [Points off, l.J Will you take me to him ? [Exeunt Mrs. Scantlebury ogling Mr. Flamboys, l. Enter Mr. Scantlebury, and Mrs. Flamboys, r. Mrs F There's Mrs. Scantlebury; I'm so glad you've found her at last. Scant Ah, to be sure, there is Mrs. Scantlebury. Mrs F And with Mr. Flamboys. [Aside.] Poor boy, how he must be suffering ! Well ? Scant Well, ma'am? Mrs F We had better join them, hadn't we? Scant Join them ? Never ! Mrs F Yes; my husband will take charge of me. Scant No, Mrs. Flamboys, I can' t permit you to make so great a sacrifice on my account. Mrs F Sacrifice ? Scant Yes, you are happier with me, ma'am; he means well, I dare say, but he's a brute. Mrs F But still — Mrs. Scantlebury— she will be anxious about you if you keep away from her on my account. Scant Mrs. Scantlebury has every confidence in me. Besides, the longer I keep away from her, the better pleased she will be to see me when I return to her. I want her to be extremely pleased to see me, so I shall keep away from her as lenq; as possible. I didn't leave I-Irs. Scantlebury' s side all day until an hour ago, and after twenty- RANDALL'S THUMB. 25 four hours of it, I'm afraid even my society may begin to pall upon her. Mrs F Oh, impossible, Mr. Scantlebury. Scant Yes, it seems so to you, because you see me at my best. But I'm not always the lightsome thing you see before you. I have my moments of depression — I feel one coming on now. Let me see — what.is it that cheers, but don't inebriate ? Mrs F Oh, it's some cup— Scant It's some cup. Perhaps it's champagne cup ? [Pours out some from tankard which Bangles has left on higher rock, and drinks.] It is champagne cup. [Takes some more. Mrs F Indeed, I think we'd better go. [Aside.] There's Edward still with that horrible woman— I'm sure he's dying to get away from her. [Aloud.] Come, Mr. Scantlebury, you must take me to my hus- band. Scant [Getting tipsy.] Your husband ? Never ! Your husband's a brute ! Mrs F Well, never mind that. Scant He's a brute, ma'am ; he's not worthy of you — is he worthy of you ? Mrs F No, no— perhaps not— but still — Scant But still you want to go to him ? It's a beautiful trait in your character — a beautiful trait. [Drinks.] Yes, this is the cup I've heard of. It cheers, but it don't inebriate. I'm quite cheerful now, ma'am. Flamboys is a brute — he insults his wife, and beats his children. He beats his children, don't he ? Mrs F Oh, yes, yes ! [Impatiently. Scant [Indignantly.] He beats his children ! How many are there ? Mrs F Oh, four. Scant Four! I'll drink all their healths. What are their names ? Mrs F Oh, I don't know. Scant Don't know? That's nonsense. 3Irs F Oh, Jane, Emma, Mary and Kate. Scant Jane, Emma, Mary and Kate ! Beautiful names ! God bless 'em all ! [Drinks. Mrs F Now, Mr. Scantlebury, once for all, I must insist on your rejoining Mrs. Scantlebury. Scant Never mind Mrs. Scantlebury; I've plenty of Mrs. Scantle- bury at home. It's astonishing how soon one gets sick of Mrs. Scan- tlebury. She's a fine woman, but a very little of Mrs. Scantlebury goes a very long way. I wish a great deal of Mrs. Scantlebury would go a very long way — and stop there ! 3Irs F Mr. Scantlebury ! Is this the way in which you speak of a wife to whom you haven't been married three weeks? Scant Three weeks ? Thirty-five— [Recollecting.] Yes, three weeks ! She's too good for me, Mrs. Flamboys. It's too much happiness for one man ! She's a noble woman, ma'am, and I've much pleasure in drinking her health. Take me to her ! I'll allow you to have the pleasure of taking me to her ! Mrs F Thank goodness, here she is. Enter Mrs. Scantlebury with Flamboys, l. Scant [r.] Just as we were getting on so com-comfortably ! Mrs F Mrs. Scantlebury, we've been looking for you everywhere. 26 BANDALL'S THUMB. Allow me to hand Mr. Scantlebury over into your keeping— he seems to be unwell. Mrs Scant Unwell ? [Rushes to him. Scant Unwell ? Never berrer. F lamb [Indignantly, -L.] Unwell? Why he's tipsy ! Scant [Explains.] It's a pic-nic. Mrs Scant [a] Why. Horace — dearest Horace, what is the matter? Speak, I implore ! [to Ma. and Mrs. Flamboys.] Don't be alarmed, he is often so. Scant Matter? Matter's plain enough — I'm tip-tip-tipsy. It's a pic-nic. Don't be alarmed, I'm often so. Mrs Scant Come with me, love, come with me. [Aside, viciously."] And if I don't talk you sober in five minutes, my name's not Scan- tlebury. Scant If your name's not Scantlebury, I decline to recognize your authority. Mrs Scant I say if I don't talk you sober in five minutes, my name's not Scantlebury. Scant Then I shan't know whether your entitled to take such a liberty until you've taken it. Mrs Scant Edward, you forget yourself. Eemember, if you please, we are a newly-married couple. Scant So we are — that 'scuse for everything. [To Mrs. Flamboys.] If my remarks have 'peared little incoherent, please be good enough to attribute it to the fact that I'm a newly-married couple — and that 'scuse for everything ! Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Scantlebury, r. Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys rush to each other's arms. Enter Buckthorpe, unobserved. He couglis — they see him and disengage. Mrs F [Angrily.'] Oh, Mr. Flamboys ! — your brutality will break my heart ! ' [Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, r., asif quarrelina. Enter Band all, r. u e., in a rage. Rand Now, you're a pretty fellow ! Buck [Sits on rock, l.] You're good enough to say so. Rand I overheard what you told that girl about me Buck I know you did — that's why I said it. Rand And do you think I'm going to stand this ? Buck No. I thought you wouldn't like it— I told you you had better not listen. Rand And I told you that I didn't agree with you. I Buck Well, you see I was right. J Rand You infernal scoundrel ! I — Buck Stop ! If this is to revolve itself into a duel of bad language. I give in. With those weapons I'm no match for you. Rand Do you know what you've done ? Do you know that you've blown upon me ? Do you know that, instead of helping my game on, you've spoilt it beyond redemption ? Buck I hope so. Rand Do you know that what you've told that girl will be all over the place to-morrow? Do you know — curse you ! — that you've made it too hot to hold me ? RANDALL'S THUMB. 27 Buck Yes, I think so. If I haven't, I will. Randall, it's a fearful thing to feel that one is dependent on the mercy of such a man m you. Rand So it is. Buck I am, unhappily dependent on that mercy. Band Entirely. Buck You have in your possession letters that implicate me in the death of that unhappy man, Peters. There's a reward of three hun- dred pounds for my apprehension ; and, as you say, you could earn that reward to-morrow ! Rand To-night. Buck Very well, then— earn it. [Rising. Rand What? Buck Earn it, I say. Rand Are you mad, Buckthorpe ? Buck I am. I am maddened by the hold you have upon me. I'm maddened by the fact that it depends upon the will and pleasure of such a hound as you, whether I, an innocent man, go free, or stand at a criminal bar on a charge of murder. I am mad, and I shall be mad until that hold is removed. So do your worst — I've made up my mind, and I'll chance it. Rand Come — be reasonable. I only want you to help me to my own. Buck Damn your own ! If it's your own, prove your claim to it yourself. I've been under your thumb long enough, and I'll shake myself free or take the consequences. Randall, your fearful presence has haunted me, night and day, for two years. Your infernal threats have reduced me from the position of a gentleman to be your miser- able associate. You've been the nightmare of my life. When I was falling you pulled me down, and held me down when I might have risen. You've flavored my miserable life with the taint of your own. You cursed jail-bird ! You proclaimed thief ! Be off, for my hands are not my own just now ! Be off, and do your worst, for, as there's a heaven above us, I'll do mine ! Rand Buckthorpe, if I consulted my personal feeling towards you, I'd take you at your word to-night. If I spare you till to-morrow, it is because it is to my interest to give you one more chance. If you have not procured the information I want by twelve o'clock to-mor- row, you're a dead man. I give you this chance — not out of any consideration for you, whom I would gladly see dead at my feet — but because I prefer thirty-eight thousand to three hundred. And one or the other I will have. Good evening. [Exit Randall, r. Buck What have I done? [Makes a movement as if to call Mm back.] No, no ! I mustn't let him see that I feel his power over me. I've taken up my position, and I must stand or fall by it. Yet, if he puts his threat into effect, what hope is left for me ? Suppose the best- suppose that I am acquitted — how should I stand in Edith's eyes, with the brand of an Old Bailey trial upon me— and on such a charge! Oh ! he dares not do it ; he has too much at stake. The police are after him. He has better reasons to hide and skulk under false names and in strange disguises, than to seek the searching glare of a criminal court. No, no ; I think I'm safe. There's a warrant out for his arrest on a charge of forgery. I might lay information against him, if I knew the details of the charge; but then he would be 28 RANDALL'S THUMB. brought to bay, and he'd turn upon me, and this miserable affair would come to light— and then, Edith ! No, I can't do that — I can't do that. Enter Miss Spinn, r. u. e. Miss S Mr. Buckthorpe, was that Mr. Randall who left just now ? Buck Yes. Mm S Humph. I don't like Mr. Randall a bit. Buck Indeed. Miss S No. He took me to the caves, and he wanted to give half a crown to the woman who shows them. Buck Well, there's no harm in that. Miss S Not a bit, only — he'd forgotten his purse. Buck I see; and he borrowed yours ? 3Iiss S No, he didn't. Fortunately, I had forgotten mine, too. Now, I don't like other people who've forgotton their purses. Buck And how did you settle it ? Miss S I promised to make it up to her in sandwiches; but she said she couldn't drink sandwiches; " Well, but you couldn't drink half a crown," said I; " Oh, couldn't I?" said she. And I really believe she could ! Enter Ma. Bangles and Edith, it. Buck Edith ! [Going to her. Bang That woman here ? How very annoying ! [Sits on lower rock. Miss S Mr. Bangles, why, what in the world is the matter ? [Aside.] Oh, you foolish, foolish, jealous boy ! Because he's found me here alone with Mr. Buckthorpe ! Why, you silly child, Mr. Buckthorpe is dying for Edith ! See how glad they are to get together again. Why, I am here to find you. . v Bang To find me ? Miss S Yes; I began to think you had been punished enough. Bang So I have; too much ! Miss S Bless your heart, I only did it to tease you. [Edith and Buckthorpe are seated on high rock, l. — Bangles and Miss Spinn on low rock, r. Bang [Looking at Buckthorpe.] Confound the fellow — how happy he seems ! And how happy she seems, too ! [During this conversation the tide has risen and surrounded both rocks. Miss S Oh, Mr. Bangles ! the water! We're surrounded! Bang Eh? Confound it, I thought we were above high water- mark. Miss S Mr. Bangles, this is a trick ! Bang A trick, ma'am? Miss S Yes, I see it all. It's a planned thing to get me alone. Oh, Mr. Bangles, this is unmanly, unmanly ! What will people say ? [Pretends to weep. Bang Absurd ! What the deuce are we to do ? Miss S If I believed that this was a planned thing to enjoy my so- ciety alone, until the tide goes down, I'd never, never, speak to you again ! Bang You wouldn't? Miss S Indeed, I wouldn't. BANDALL'S THUMB. 2& Bang You promise that ! Miss S I do ! Bang Then I'll confess all. It was a planned thing. I settled it with Buckthorpe an hour ago. There — now keep your promise Miss 8 Do you really mean to tell me this ? Bang Certainly; no doubt about it. Miss S Oh, Joe, dear Joe. Bang Ma'am, you said you'd never speak to me again. Mm S But I didn't mean it, Joe. I Bang, [Aside.'] I must put an end to this. [Aloud.] Miss Spinn, let -t.s come to the point. It's an awkward thing to have to say to a lady, but I can't close my eyes to the fact that you seem to think that i — in short that — I propose to marry you. Miss S You do ? Bang [Decidedly.] 1 do ! Miss S You propose to marry me? Ob, Joseph, how good you are to me ! Bang Hang tbe woman ! [Aloud.] Miss Spinn let me assure you that— Miss S You may call me Adelaide, Joe. [Shyly. Bang Miss Spinn — Miss S I say you may call me Adelaide. Bang Well, then, Adelaide, I am sorry if my manner has conveyed a false impression, but — Miss S No, Joseph — I knew that you were very fond of me, but I hardly expected a formal declaration so soon; still, I am not angry — indeed, I am pleased — gratified — delighted ! But give me till to- morrow to decide, before I take the final and irrevocable plunge ! Oh, the water — the water ! Mr. Bangles ! we shall be drowned ! Miss Temple — Mr. Buckthorpe ! see — we are surrounded, and I shall be drowned ! — and in my new silk ! Buck Hallo ! [Sees his situation.] This is awkward ! — but you are quite safe. The sea is as smooth as glass, and the tide is almost at its highest. At the very worst, you'll only get a wetting. Bang Edith, you will be drowned ! Buck Oh, no — the water never covers this rock, except at spring tides; but as your rock will be a few inches under water, you had bet- ter signal for a boat. Bang But you — what will you do, Edith ? Buck Oh, we shall be all right. I'll take care of Miss Temple till the tide goes down. Miss S Oh ! — I'm slipping, Joseph ! Save me !— save me ! Put your arm round me — like that— there — I'm better, now. Oh, what shall I do ! Bang If you'll take my advice, ma'am, you'll take off your shoes and stockings, and walk on shore. Miss S Mr. Bangles ! Bang I won't look, ma'am — upon my honor! Randall enters in boat, it., in front of lower rock. ( . Buck Here's a boat. Your quite safe, Miss Spinn. I 3Iiss S Saved— saved ! [Aside.] That man always turns up when he isn't wanted. Bang Come, Buckthorpe. 30 RANDALL'S THUMB. Rand The boat will only hold two. Buckthorpe and Miss Temple are quite safe, as that rock is never covered. Come along, Bangles. [Bangles and Miss Spinn get into the boat. 3fiss S Oh, Mr. Bangles ! Bang What? 3Iiss jS If it had only been the other rock. [They are rowed off, b. Edith How strange, to be cut off so completely from the world ! Buck And how pleasant ! Here we are on a little world of our own. Edith King and queen of a tiny kingdom. Buck With this advantage over other kings and queens — that we have no subjects. Edith But it's such a very little kingdom. Buck It is large enough for our wants. Edith Yes, for an hour or two. How shall we pass the time ? Shall I be Eobinson Crusoe — and you will be my man Friday ? Buck Yes, saved by you from enemies who would have destroyed me. Edith And true and faithful to me, in return, forever after ? Buck Forever after ! Edith Very well; that's settled. Now, let me see — what happened when Robinson rescued Friday ? Buck Friday kissed Bobinson. Edith Are you sure ? Buck Quite ! [Kisses her. Edith I don't remember that. Well, then Friday was taught to hunt for Robinson's dinner. Hunt away ! Ah, I've puzzled you now ! Buck No. He was taught to hunt for'it. Teach me. Edith I can't do that. However, in this case, Robinson is not hungry. Buck In other words, Robinson hauls down his colors. Edith Yes. Surrenders at discretion. The analogy is imperfect. Let us try something else. Buck What shall we try ? I am a storm-tossed vessel, safely an- chored in the haven of your love. Edith It's a poor haven, Reginald — a haven that will afford you little protection against the rude winds of the outer world. Buck It is a haven of peace and rest — a haven into which sorrow, care, and trouble can never enter. See — the sun is setting, and the sorrows of my life sink with it. From this hour I live a new life — strong in your faith — faithful to my strength. Who would not be strong in the certainty of such love as yours ? Edith My love is for you, Reginald, for ever and for ever. Buck I have fretted sorely under the yoke that I have had to bear, but I would have borne it patiently had I known that those words were in store for me. I would bear it all again to hear you speak them once more. Edith There is no need, Reginald ! Buck No need, Edith, for my troubles are at an end. A good, grave, and earnest life is before me, and with your counsel and your example, I will lead that life. Edith, at last I am at peace ! Enter Randall, in boat, r. Buck [Aside.] Randall! [Aloud.] Why are you here ? Band I have come to take you off. RANDALL'S THUMB. 81 Buck It is unnecessary. We are high and dry above high- water mark. Rand But the wind may rise. Buck The sea is calm enough now. Band Calm enough now ! But don't deceive yourself. There's a storm brewing for you. If you want to escape it, you must do as I bid you. Kandall Buckthorpe and Edith R. [in boat.] [on rock] l. ACT III. SCENE.— Same as Act I. Mrs. Scantlebury scaled knitting, r. — Enter Mrs. Flamboys from hotel with Little basket. Mrs F Oh, Mrs. Scantlebury — I have such news ! Mrs Scant News, my dear? Mrs F Yes ; Edith Temple is engaged to Mr. Buckthorpe. [Sits at table, r. Mrs Scant Engaged ? How very indelicate ! Mrs F Indelicate ? Mrs Scant Certainly. Why, they haven't known each other a week. It's very bad taste. Mrs F Oh yes ; they're old friends who were engaged eighteen months ago. It was broken off, and now they've made it up. What do you call good taste ? Mrs Scant Eighteen months ! My dear, Mr. Scantlebury knew me tbirty-five years before he thought of marrying me. Ah, you may well be surprised, but/it's quite true. Mrs F Oh, I not at all surprised. 31rs Scant Eh ? [Offended. Mrs F No doubt he was frightened away by your other admirers. Mrs S No, my dear. There were crowds of them, but I never kept them in suspense. For thirty-five years I made up my mind to remain single. Young men had only to look at my face, and they saw at once that it was made up. Mrs F They would. Mrs Scant Yes ; there is something in my face that had such an effect on them, that directly they looked at it, they went away, and they never came back again. Now, I call that good taste. Mrs F On the part of — 3Irs Scant Of myself— of course. It's a great mistake to marry too young. Mrs F It is, indeed. [Sighing.] Ah, If I had been a little more like you, Mrs. Scantlebury— Mrs S If you had been a little more like me, my dear, you would never have been married to Mr. Flamboys. Mrs F I'm sure of that, Mrs. Scantlebury. Mrs Scant No, no; depend upon it, a man makes a great mistake when he marries a young girl who grows older and older every day. 82 RANDALL'S THUMB. In my opinion, a wife should begin as she means to go on. • Mr. Buckthorpe marries Edith at her best — Mr. Scant] ebury married me at my worst. I shall make a point of cautioning Mr. Buckthorpe. 31rs F Cautioning him ? Mrs Scant Certainly. How does he know what Edith will be at my age ? It isn' t every woman who preserves her good looks at eight- and-forty. If Mr. Buckthorpe is wise, he'll do as Scantlebury did — he'll wait and see. [Exit Mrs. Scantlebury, l. Mrs F What a dreadful old woman ! Well, at all events, Mr. Scan- tlebury know's the worst. I suppose even they are happy in then odd way ! People always are, I suppose, at first. At first ! I speak as though such happiness as mine could have an end. Now that I am alone, I can set to work again. [Proceeds to roll cigarettes.] Happy cigarettes ! your lives are brief, indeed — but then you live through their short span at his lips. I declare, I envy you the few moments during which each of you usurps my place ! Enter Flameoys, r. u. e. Flamb My love! Mrs F Theodore \ . Flamb What are these ? Mrs F Cigarettes. Pretty things with a pretty name. I declare I'm jealous of them. I wish cigarettes were not feminine. Flamb Do you think I should let you roll them if they were masca- line ? Mrs F [Earnestly.] I hope not, dear; I hope you love me far — far too well. I've been at work at them all the morning, and I've made forty- two. Flamb What an industrious little woman. And whom are they for? Mrs F Can't you guess ? Enter Bangles, r. y. e. Ftamb Can't imagine. Bang [Coming forward] Perhaps they are foy.Mf '. Flamboys. . Mrs F [Contemptuously.] Mr. Flamboys, indeed ! Bang Surely they arc not for yourself. Mrs F Really, Mr. Bangles, I hope it's not necessary to assure you that I don't smoke. Bang Well, let me see, they can't be for Trotway — [Mrs. Flam- boys shakes her head.] For Randall, then ? [Mrs. Flamboys shakes her head.] Why, they must be for me ? Mrs F [Reluctantly.] Why, of course they must. [Aside.] Tiresome old man. [Bangles takes them— Mrs. F. to Flamboys, l.] Theodore, get them away from him, they are for you. Dearest Theodore, he mustn't have them. Flamb [l.] My love, what can I do ? [Aloud — crossing to Bangles.] I say, Bangles, take an old stager's advice, don't you smoke Mrs. Flamboy's cigarettes — they're beastly. Bang [r.] What am I to do ? I don't like amateur cigarettes as a rule, but she'll be offended if I refuse them. Flamb No, no, I'll square her. [Aloud.] Mrs. Flamboys, call these cigarettes? — Ridiculous ! Come along with me, ma'am, and I'll teach you how to roll cigarettes. Here's a thing ! Look at it, ma'am; why, it's back's broken. Examine it, ma'am; its a deformity. Taste it, EANDALL'S THUMB. 33 ma'am. [Puis it in his mouth mid lights it.] It's — it's— it's — oh, it's de- licious ! Exeunt Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, l. Bang Strange people! They little thought when they married, four years ago, that they were taking a yoke upon their shoulders that would gall them through life. Well, I've steered clear of that sort of thing hitherto, and now I'm going on the rocks in my old age ! I'm a wicked old scoundrel to fall in love with a girl of twenty ! But she'll never know it — she'll never know it ! I've kept it to my- self for two long years, and I suppose it will die with me. It won't die till then ! [Sits at table, R. Enter Edith, l. u. e. Edith Why, you're all alone — where's Miss Spinn ? Bang [At table, r.] Washed out to sea, my dear, for anything I know or care. Edith Do you know I'm very glad to hear you say that? Because people think that — that — Bang That I intend to marry her ? Edith No, that she intends to marry you — that's worse. Now I can't allow any one to marry you — because — Bang Because I'm a confirmed old batchelor, eh, Edith ? Edith Oh, she told you what I said, did she ? Yes, because you're a continued old batchelor. I should be dreadfully jealous of any one you married. [Sits on a stool at his feet. Bang You would ? Edith Certainly. What would become of me ? Bang Of you ? Edith Yes, of me ! Why, I've been your little wife since I was two years old, and do you think I' m going to allow any one else to light your cheroot, or warm your slippers, or nurse you when you are ill. Why, w hat a wicked old man you must be, to think of such a thing! Bang But I never did think of such a thing, and I never shall think of such a thing. Edith Never? <. Bang Never. Edith That's all right. Then you see you are a confirmed old bachelor after all. Bang Oh, I didn't say that. Edith But do say it. Promise me that you will never, never marry. I can't bear to think of you as a married man. Besides, you are mar- ried already. Bang Indeed? Edith Yes, to me. Bang Then — you will never marry ? Edith Oh, I didn't say that. That's quite a different thing. Bang But if you are my wife ? Edith Oh, yes, — no doubt I am your wife — but then, you see, you are not my husband. Bang How do you make that out ? Edith Why, in the first place, a husband has black whiskers— now, yours are grey. Bang They were black once. Edith Dear me ! Well, I suppose they were. Now, that's very 34 handali/s thumb. odd, to think that you once had black whiskers. They've always been grey ever since I can remember, and I never associated them with any other color. I believe I thought you w T ere born with grey whiskers. It seems so strange to think that you were ever a young man — you are such a thorough old fogy ! -Bang I am ! A thorough old fogy ! A growling, grumbling, dis- contented old fogy ! A bald old fogy ! A grey old fogy ! A gouty old fogy ! I'm a nice sort of fellow to talk of getting married. Mar- ried ! And in ten years I shan't have a tooth in my head. Married ! with an outfit of flannel bandages, silver gilt crutches, and a cellar of anthuonial wine. No, no ; Joe Bangles's work is done. Shelve him— superannuate him— lay him up ' in lavender, he's only in the way. And if he wants to be a family man, let him go a— godfather- ing. It's all he's lit fornow, God help him ! it's all he's fit for now 1 [Sits, and covers his face with his hands. Edith [ Who has been laughing with Mr. Bangles through this speech, is alarmed at his emotion.'] Oh ! Mr. Bangles — I hope I haven't vexed you. I can't bear to see you look unhappy — and I am so happy, too ! Bang You ? Edith Yes — I have come to tell you some news. I — I think I am going to be married. Bang Married — to — to— Edith To Mr. Buckthorpe. Oh, Mr. Bangles I'm so happy ! Bang [Aside.] Then it's over. [Aloud.] God bless you, my love ! I — I — hope and pray that may be sincerely happy. Edith Won't you kiss me ? ■ Bang [Kisses her.] Buckthorpe is a good fellow— I'm sure of it. I — I — you may not think it, my dear, but I do believe I'm delighted to hear it ! Enter Buckthorpe, l. u. e. Buck Thank you, Mr. Bangles — thank you heartly ! Edith speaks so kindly — so affectionately — of you ! — her heart is so full of the un- varying love you have borne her for eighteen j-ears, that I am over- joyed to think so old and true a friend does not appear displeased at her engagement. [Exit Edith into hotel.] Yes, Mr. Bangles, I'm going to be married to Edith. And that's not all — the Vice-Chancellor's decision has just been telegraphed to me, and I'm owner in fee of Ard- leigh Park, two-thirds of a coal mine, and thirteen thousand pounds consols. Bang [r.] My boy, I don't know much about you — I've only known you a week or so — but you come of a good stock, and I hope and believe you're the hearty, straightforward, manly fellow I take you to be. Buck [l.] Mr. Bangles, I will be candid with you. If I'm a straight- forward fellow, my straightforwardness is only a week old. Bang Eh ? Buck When I came down to Beachington, I was an adventurer. Bang Confound it, sir ! You don't mean to say that that dear girl's money brought you down here ? Buck No — I came down to Beachington not knowing that Edith was here; and when I learnt that she was here, I also learnt that she was penniless. Bang Penniless ! Confound it, sir ! It's all very well for a man with RANDALL'S THUMB. 35 a park, a coal mine, and devil knows how much consols, to call Edith penniless; but thirty-eight thousand pounds is a pretty sum, notwith- standing. Your recent good luck has enlarged your views, Mr. Buck- thorpe. Buck Edith has not one penny she can call her own. She does not know this— hut I knew it all along. That thief, Randall, secretly married her great aunt after the date of the will, and he claims all that she left. There's a warrant against him for forgery, and so he dares not declare himself. Bang The deuce there is ! Let me ask you, sir, if Mr. Randall is a forger, how do you and he come to be together ? Buck Because I am under his thumb, Mr. Bangles, I'll tell you all. Twelve months ago, I killed a man in self-defense. Randall holds evidence which makes my crime look like willful murder. Bang Do I understand you to say, sir, that you are an infernal scoundrel ? Buck I didn't say that. I've been imprudent — unfortunate— dis- sipated; but I' ve done nothing to bring me within the grasp of the law. Bang Hang it, sir, you confess to having killed this miserable man. Buck Yes, under circumstances that would have justified an arch- bishop in killing him. Bang It may be so, sir, and it may not. Does Dr. Trotway know that you killed this man ? Buck No ! [Abashed. Bang Does Edith know it ? Buck No ! Bang^ Then, sir, I shall consider it my duty, sir, to place them in possession of all the facts. I have no- wish to deal hardly, sir, with a young man who, having fallen, through his own weakness, is strug- gling to right himself in the world's opinion and his own. But in this charge that hangs over you the question of weakness does not arise. Either you murdered this man, or you did not. And I tell you this frankly— if you murdered him, I'll hang you ! Buck Mr. Bangles, let me tell you this — if this accusation reaches Edith's ears, whether I am guilty or whether I am innocent, I am lost beyond redemption. Bang Come, sir, I'll make a bargain with you. I'll tackle this fel- low Randall myself. I think I know how to deal with him. If I see reason to be satisfied that his charge is a true one, I give you up to justice. If I have reason to believe it is false, I place no obstacle in the way of your marriage; and if you knew all that I could tell you, you would give me credit for some forbearance in making this promise. Buck But by what means — Bang Leave the means to me. I think I see my way to the end I propose to accomplish. If you are innocent your innocence will appear. Buck Mr. Bangles, will you shake hands with me. Bang Sir, I would rather postpone that ceremony until I have put my plan into operation. Here comes that unspeakable scoundrel, Randall. Be good enough to leave me to deal with him. [Exit Buck- THORrE, r. u. b.] Here's a devil of a business. If I tell Trotway, as I'm bound in honor and in duty to do, and the charge turns out to be false, it will appear as though I were taking a dastardly revenge on a man who has cut me out. If I let the matter rest, I allow Edith to marry an admitted roue and a possible murderer ! 36 BANDALL'S THUMB. Enter Randall from hotel. Bang Now, sir. It appears by all accounts that you are an infer- nal villain. Rand You're very good. [Crosses to r. Bang [l.] I've just learnt from Mr. Buckthorpe that there is a warrant out for his apprehension on what he describes as a false charge of murder ; and that you hold the means of bringing him to justice. Rand Did he tell you that? Bang He did. Now, sir, Mr. Buckthorpe may be guilty or he may be innocent. If he is guilty he ought to be hanged. If he is inno- cent you ought to be transported. Now, one or the other of those events I propose to bring about. Rand You will take your own course, but what the deuce has it to do with you ? Bang I'll tell you what it has to do with me. You state that you know of your own knowledge that he is guilty ? Rand Undoubtedly. Bang Then, if you don't act upon that knowledge you are an accomplice after the fact. I shall detain you here while information is given to the police, and I shall give you both into their custody when they arrive. Rand What ! [Aside.] Devil take him ; that won't do. They'll spot me as the Rum Customer directly. [Aloud with much agitation.] Mr. Bangles, I am a man of the world. Bang Then, sir, for a man of the world, you seem to shake a good deal. Rand Nonsense ; I'm not well. I don't want to hang this poor devil, Buckthorpe, If I can help it. He don't deserve any pity, but I can't help pitying him. I'm an infernal tender-hearted old lamb, I know ; but still I can't help it. But, look here, if you insist upon it, I'll go and lay information myself, there ! [Going. Bang Stop ! I shan't let you leave this hotel. Rand By what right do you propose to stop me ? Bang By no right at all — by main force. Rand I'll try that. [Going. Bang Stop ! You see this gong ? [Going to gong at entrance of hotel.} If you take one step further in that direction, I'll call every man in the house to my assistance, and I will denounce you as a murderer's accomplice ! Now then, one step, and — Rand [r.] What do you want me to do ? Bang Write a note to the Superintendent here, and send it by a porter. Yes or no ? Come, one, two, three ! [Preparing to strike. Rand Stop ! What am I to write ? Bang This : [Randall sits down to write at table, r.] To the Super- intendent, BeachiDgton Police Station. Sir: A notorious criminal, a warrant for whose arrest is out " — Rand But— Bang Ah, would j r ou? [Prepares to strike gong.] "Is staying at this hotel. Send a sergeant, and two strong men, and I will give him into custody." Sign it. Rand Wouldn't it be better if you signed it ? Bang No, no — I wouldn't deprive you of the three hundred pounds RANDALL'S THUMB. 37 reward, on any account. [Randall signs it.] "Postscript — Let the two men be very strong." Rand I say — Bang Ah, would you ? [About to strike gong — Randall finishes note — Bangles takes note, and reads.] Very good. Now direct it to the Superintendent. [Randall does so.] Good. Waiter ! Enter Cumming, from hotel. Take this note to the police station directly. [Randall folds another piece of paper, aside.] Cumming Police station, sir? Rand Immediately. There's no answer. Bang Oh, yes — there is. A sergeant and two strong men. Bring them here with you. [Cumming going. Rand Stop ! Hadn't I better direct it to the Superintendent by name. I happen to know his name. [Takes note back. Bang [a] No doubt you do. [Randall writes address on blank note, and hands it to Cumming, retaining the note first written. Rand There — that's better. Bang [Intercepting the note.] Allow me. [Reads.] "To Mr. Superin- tendent Clench." Much better. Rand More regular, you know. Bang Much more regular. [Opens it deliberately — Randall very uneasy.] Bless me ! How very odd ! The writing has -disappeared ! Blank paper ! Rand Dear me ! That's very strange. Bang Very strange, indeed. Rand These mistakes will happen. Bang No doubt. Ha, ha, ! Rand Ha, ha! [Uneasily. Bang Come, Mr. Randall — in the confusion of the moment you changed the papers. Oblige me with the original document. Rand Exactly. In the hurry of business, I — that's it. Confound you ! Bang Thank you. [Gives it to Cumming — returning blank note to Ran- dall.] Allow me. Now, Mr. Randall, you are free to go. [Exit, Cumming, l. Rand To go where I please ? Bang To go where you please. Rand Right away ? Bang Right away ! Rand [Aside.] In ten minutes the express starts for London. I can pack in two, and reach the station in five. Bangles, you're a rn^uff ! [Exit into hotel. Enter Buckthorpe, e. u. e. Bang Well, sir, I've done it. Buck Done what ? Bang Laid information. Mr. Buckthorpe, I don't mind owning to you that my impression is that you're a bit of a scamp, but that you're not guilty of this murder. You told me there was a warrant out for Randall's arrest for forgery. I've made him write a note to the Superintendent to the effect that a notorious criminal is staying 38 RANDALL'S THUMB. here, but I haven't said who the criminal is, or what he's charged with. Now, if he knows you to be guilty of this murder, he'll give you into custody, and you'll be hanged, and serve you right. If he knows you to be innocent, he'll be off and away before -the officers arrive, for fear that he should be arrested on a charge of forgery. Now, sir, you stand on your deliverance; and — hang it — whichever way it goes, I shall be perfectly satisfied ! [Exit r. Buck [Sinks into a chair, r.] So, the end is at hand, and in a few minutes I shall know the worst. Well, it is better that it should be so, than that I should drag on a miserable existence under the shadow of that cursed scoundrel's ban ! Here he comes. Enter Eandall, with portmanteau and traveling rug, from hotel. He's going and I am saved ! [To Eandall, with forced calmness.] Why, what's this ? You don't mean to say you're going to leave us ? Hand Yes. Buck This is rather sudden, isn't it ? Band Very. Buck Can I have a word with you before you go ? Band No. Buck Must catch the express ? Band Yes. [Going. Buck Then you've thought better of your threat ? Band Yes; until you're married. Then, look out ! [Going. Enter Waiter from hotel. Waiter Beg pardon, sir. I took your check to master. He says — very sorry, sir, but he says he can't take it in payment of your bill. Band Nonsense— absurd. [Going, c. Waiter Beg pardon, sir, but I'can't let you go. Band [ Violently.] Stand away, and let me pass. Waiter Bless you, sir, I'm not afraid of you. My impression is, you're like your portmanteau. [Taking it.] Very big to look at. but — [Shaking it.] '"^ry little in you. [Waiter sits on portmanteau at the back. Band [l.] Buckthorpe, if you'll give me a check for three hun- dred pounds, and five pounds down, I'll give up those letters. Buck [r.] The deuce you will ? Why, you'll get that sum from the Home Office. Band Yes, but I want to go. Buck But you've laid information against me — they'll want your evidence. Band No, I don't want to be hard — I'll let you off at cost price. Buck Can't you do it under that— for a friend, you know. Band [Aside.] They'll be here in five minutes, and I shall be nabbed. [Aloud.] Say a hundred pounds, and a fiver down. ... Buck Suppose we say the fiver without the hundred pounds ! "' Band [In desperation.] Done — here are the letters — give me the money. [Looks at watch.] In the devil's name, man, be quick, or it will be too late. They are right enough. Buck One moment. I don't doubt your word, but I would rather see that they are all here. [Opens them and counts them very deliberately. Band There are six of them — four from Dijon, and two from St. Valerie. Look sharp. Buck Quite Eight. RANDALL'S THUMB. 89 Rand Come, the money. Don't put me in a hole— Tve acted straightfordwardly in this matter, at all events. Buck You have ; I congratulate you. How do you feel after it ? Rand Give me the money, man, in the devil's name — Buck There it is, Mr. Randall. [Gives notes.] Why, your handshakes. Rand [To Cumming.] Give that note to your master. [Going r. Gumming [l.] There's ten shillings change, sir. Rand Keep the change. Poor devil, you look as if you wanted it ! Off at last ! Buck Don't go, Randall. Rand Why not ? Buck Because I'm going to detain you on a charge of forgery. Rand The devil you are ! What do you know about that charge ? Buck Nothing, except that your wanted for it. [Holds him. Rand And do you think I can't break away from you? Buck On the contrary, I think you can; but I don't think you've the pluck to try. [Randall much disconcerted. ] Why, you trembling cur, you daren't move an inch, when a man's hand is on your throat. Rand Don't be a fool ! You've got your letters — let me go. Buck Let you go ! You — who have held an unfounded charge over me for eighteen months ! — you, who have used that charge to wring from me the miserable remnant of my shattered fortune ! — you, who have used that charge to foist your cursed company on me for eighteen months ! — you, who have used that charge to pull me down when I was falling, and to keep me down when I might have risen ! No, no, Randall — my turn's come ! Randall struggles furiously to release himself — Buckthorpe forces him into a chair, r., and places his hand on Randall's throat. Buck Lie still, you cur ? — lie still ! — or, by heaven, I'll choke you ! Rand Help, help ! He'll murder me ! Help, help ! Enter Bangles and Trotway from hotel — They seize Randall. Here, Bangles — Trotway— take this fellow off! He's a murderer ! I denounce him !— seize him ! — he has letters in his pock'- '- that suffice to hfhig him half-a-dozen times over. Don't let him destroy them ! Buck [l.] I have no intention of destroying them. They are here. [Places them in Trotway' s hands.] Dr. Trotway, I might have de- stroyed those letters five minutes ago, but I have preserved them, so that you might know the full truth about this miserable business. Trot [a] Mr. Buckthorpe, Mr. Bangles has told me all. I need not tell you that the truth of your story must be established before you are allowed to see my niece again. Bang [r., to Buckthorpe.] I say, you sir ! Buck [l.] Yes. Bang When did this so-called murder take place? Buck On the 14th August, 1869. Bang You were attacked in the dark by a man in the prime of life, and you defended yourself with a swordstick ? Buck Yes, yes ! Bang [Grossing to Buckthorpe.] You ran your adversary through the neck ? Buck Yes. Bang Just— just here ? [Showing a scar on his neck. Buck Yes. 40 RANDALL'S THUMB. Bang And hang it, sir, do you mean to say that a coroner's jury ever sat on me ? All On you? Bang Yes, on me, sir — on me ! Buck But it was Peters — a commercial traveler. Bang Peters be hanged, sir ! It was I. I think I ought ,o unow. Buck Then you didn't die ? Bang Die ! Who the devil says I'm dead ? Do I look like a dead man? Did you ever see anybody look more like a live man? I'm good for a great many years yet, sir — a great many years yet ! Trot But the coroner's jury — Bang [Turning round suddenly.] Coroner's jury, sir! No coroner's jury ever sat on me ! [To Buckthorpe, in a furious rage.] Why, con- found you, sir — how dare you ? Who the deuce are you sir, that you consider yourself justified in spreading such a report ? What do you mean by it ? Hang it, sir, explain yourself ! Buck But Randall said that a jury sat on the body, and returned a verdict of willful murder against some person or persons unknown. Bang Oh ! Randall told you ! Do you mean to say that you are such an infernal fool as to believe a word that fellow tells you ? « Band [r.] Let me tell you, sir — Bang [Crossing to Randall.] Let me tell you, sir, that you're a miserable imposter ! Let me tell you, sir, that when you say my name's Peters, and that I'm a confounded bagman, you tell a group of lies, sir — a group of lies. And when you say that I'm dead, and that a coroner's jury ever sat on me, you anticipate matters a great many years, sir — a great many years ! Trot [a] But how did you escape ? Bang Escape? I tumbled over the cliff, and was caught — never mind how, sir — in a most ignominious manner, half-way down, sir — half-way down. I had attacked the wrong man. I mistook him for a fellow who had robbed me, and I got the worst of it, and serve me devilish well right ! I found out my mistake, sir, and as I was all in the wrong, and as I had to sail for India next morning, and as the wound was slight — I plastered it up, and joined my ship. Trot Buckthorpe, forgive me. My dear Joe, [to Bangles,] yon have made us all extremely happy ! Bang [a] Made you all extremely happy! I've made myself con- foundedly miserable. If I had been killed right off, Buckthorpe would have been tried for murder, and I might have married Edith and been happy for the rest of my life ! [To Buckthorpe.] Now, sir, if you'll allow me, I shall have a melancholy pleasure in shaking your hand. [He does so. Enter Sergeant and Cumming, r. u. e. Sergeant [To Randall.] Beg pardon, sir ! Are you the gent that wrote this note ? Rand [r.] Eh— yes! Serg [a] Well, here we are, sir. What can we do for you. I sup- pose ) r our information's along of Bill Burke, alias the Rum Customer. We've got information that he's somewhere hereabouts. Buck [l.] Burke ! That's an alias of Randall's ! Sergeant, that's your man ! Serg Eh ? Oh, I see ! [Removes Randall's wig and whiskers.] Lor' ! RANDALL'S THUMB. 41 So it is ! William Burke, I arrest you on a charge of forgery ! Here's my warrant. Much obliged to you for sending for me, sir. Lor' bless you, I should never have known you ! Gumming [r. to Randall.] Beg pardon, sir! Here's your change. Poor devil ! You look as if you wanted it. [Gives half sovereign, exit, n. Rand Done ! But my game s not up yet. Buckthorpe, I've another card to play, as you know. Edith Temple hasn't a penny. I mar- ried her great aunt, after the date of the will under which she takes her fortune. Here's a copy of the certificate. [Gives paper to Trotway. Serg If won't do you much good, my man, seeing it's fifteen thousand to one you get a lifer. Enter Miss Spinn and Edith from hotel. Rand It'll do me this good— that that girl's penniless. It's the only revenge in my power, and by heaven I' 11 take it ! Trot [a, reads.] " John Randall to Penelope Brack enbury." — Miss S [l.] Penelope Brackenbury ? An old woman of seventy ? Trot Yes. Miss S Married in this parish two years ago ? Trot Yes, so it seems. Miss S Tall stout old lady — dropped her h's— swore a good deal. Trot Oh, dear no ! A little wizened old lady of singularly refined manners, and of a remarkably serious turn. Miss S Didn't she drink ? Edith Aunt Penelope drink ? Why, she was the quietest and dear- est old lady in the world ! Stop, here's her portrait ! [Sixmos portrait. Miss S Oh, dear me, this isn't Miss Penelope Brackenbury — at least not the Penelope Brackenbury who was married at Saint Jude's in this parish. I remember her well, she lodged at my house two days before her marriage, with a tall man, with a bald head. Why, [Sees Randall.] there he is ! [Grossing to Randall. Serg [r.]* John Randall, alias Bill Burke, alias the Rum Customer, in custody on a charge of forgery. Miss S Well, upon my word ! I always thought those whiskers were too good to be true. Do you mean to say you married this lady ? [Shows portrait. Rand How do you know I did not ? Miss S How do I know? Because — because — well, I'm not ashamed to own it— I've been a good many things in my time, and a pew-opener among others; and I witnessed the marriage and here's my signature— and I don't care who knows it— there ! Others have fallen lower and risen higher afterwards, and I may do so, too — there! Rand And do you remember me ? Miss S [l.] Yes, I do remember you; I've good cause to, for you gave me a half-a-crown and it was a bad one. Bless you all, it was a vamped-up marriage ! He bribed some old thief, whose age corres- ponded with Miss Brackenbury's to assume her name and description, and they went through the form of marriage, with a view to getting hold of her money after her death. Bless you— it's done every day. Bang [a] Adelaide Spinn, you're a trump after all ! and, if you'll allow me", I'll— hang it !— I'll kiss you ! Grosses to Miss Spinn. Miss S Allow you, Joseph ?— why, of course I will ! There ! [He kisses her.] That's the first of a great, great many to come. Bang [After a pause.] Well, upon my life, Adelaide, I believe it is. [They retire up.] 42 RANDALL'S THUMB. Enter Mr, and Mrs. Scantlebury, l. Mrs S Hey ? What? Policemen ? Heavens, what are they here for ? Serg We've come to walk off one of your party, ma'am. Serious charge— forgery ! Mrs. Scant Forgery ! Who is it ? Scantlebury, what have you been about ? Scant My love, I've done plenty of foolish things in my life, but I never was a thief. Mrs Scant [Slyly. ~\ Not when you stole my heart ? Scant My own ! Mrs Sca?it My love ! [They embrace.'] Don' t mind us, Mr. Policeman, we are so happy together ! Enter Mr. and Mrs. Flamboys, r. Flamb Oh, go on, it won't last — bride and bridegroom — old story ! Take an old stager's advice, and make your hay while the sun shines. Mrs F "Ah, me, how heedless of their fate, the little lambkins play !" Ah ! make the most of Mr. Scantlebury while you can — you'll be heartily tired of each other in five years. [Gives parcel, ivrapped up in newspaper, to Miss Spinn. Scant Five years ! We hadn't even a squabble for the first fifteen. Trot Fifteen ! I thought you had only been married three weeks ? Scant Three weeks? Nonsense !— away, deception! Thirty-five years. Mrs Scant It has seemed like three weeks, hasn't it, Scantlebury? Scant My own ! Mrs Scant My love ! Both Ugh! Miss S [Coming forward ivith parcel] Bless me ! How very odd ! All What's the matter! Miss S [Reads.] " On the 19th instant, at Trinity Church, Padding- ton, by the Kev. Reginald Reredos, Theodore Flamboys, Esq., to Augusta, only daughter of Caleb Walker, of Jamaica, West Indies." Trot Why, you rascal, I thought you had been married five years. Flamb [Confused.] It has seemed, like five years, hasn't it, Augusta ? Mrs Scant Then, George, and Thomas, and William, and John — Scant And Jane, and Emma, and Mary, and Kate — Flamb [To Scantlebury.] Some day. Buck [Seated with Edith on bench at back of stage. So Friday's enemies at last are gone, And Friday owes his life to Robinson. In gratitude to Robinson he'll bend True, faithful, and submissive to the end. Edith Will Friday always, always be the same ? Buck Even when Robinson has changed her name; The only change that we shall undergo. Edith No, you must change your name. Buck Indeed ! How so ? Edith From that day forth — that happy, happy high day, You shall be Robinson and I'll be Friday ! THE END. jffSEND POK A \ E W DEStRIFTIVE CATALOG U JE . (Catalogue continued from second page of cover.) VOL. xLL The Pirate's Legacy The Charcoal Burner Adelgitha Sen or Valiente Forest Rose Duke's Daughter Camilla's Husband Pure Gold VOL. XCII. 329 Ticket of Leave Man 330 Fool's Revenge 331 O'Neil the Great 332 Handy Andy 333 Pirate of the Isles 331 Fanchon 335 Little Barefoot * 336 Wild Irish Girl VOL. XLIII. 337 Pearl of Savoy 338 Dead Heart 339 Ten Nights in a Bar-room 340 Dumb Boy of Manchester 341 Belphegor the Mountebank 342 Cricket on the Hearth 313 Printer's Devil 344 Meg's Diversion Cis. CE GREAT SECRET OF SHADOW 'ANTOMIMEd ; or, Harlequin in the Shades. ow to get them up and how to act them. With ill and concise instructions, and numerous Illus- ations. By Tony Denier Price 25 .RLOR TABLEAUX; or, Animated Pic- res, for the use of Families, Schools, and Public xhibitions. By Tony Denier. Price 25 lATEUR'S GUIDE TO HOME THE- -TRICAXiS. How to get them up, and how to it in them; to which is added, '■ How to get up beatricals in a Country House," with By-Laws, lected Scenes, Plays, and everything useful for e information of amateur societies. Price 25 :E GUIDE TO THE STAGE, by Lemas lOMisREDE. Containing clear and full direc- >ns for obtaining Theatrical Engagements, with mplete and valuable instructions for beginners lative to salaries, rules, manner cf going through jhearsals, securing proper Dresses, conduct at a st appearance, &c, &c. Price . ... J 6 :E ART OF ACTING; or Guide to the :age. In which the Dramatic Passions are de led, analyzed, and made easy of acquirement; so the requisites necessary for performers of both xes, heroes, gentlemen, lovers, tradesmen, awns, heroines, fine ladies, hoydens, characters middle and old age, etc. Price 15 VOL. XLIV. 345 Drunkard's Doom ■"46 Chimney Corner 847 Fifteen Years of a Drunk- 348 No Thoroughfare Tard's 349 Peep O' Day [Life 3)0 Everybody's Friend Hamlet, in Three Acts Guttle & Gulpit Cm. MASSEY'S EXHIBITION RECITER AND DRAWING-ROOM ENTER- TAINMENTS. Being choice Recitations in prose and verse. Together with an unique collec- tion of Petite Comedies, Dramas and Farces, adapted for the use of Schools and Families. Two numbers per number, 80 The two numbers, bound in cloth. School style.... 75 THE OLIO ; or Speaker's Companion. A col- lection of Recitations in Prose and Verse, Dia- logues and Burlesques, compiled for the use of Schools, Thespian Societies, etc., and for Public Declamation or Reading. In three parts. . .each, 15 DRAMAS FOR THE DRAWING- ROOM. By Miss Keating. Two parts, each, 40 FLAYS FOR THE PARLOR. * By Miss Keating. Two parts. each, 40 ACTING CHARADES. "Br Miss Picker- ing 40 COMIC DRAMAS, for College, Camp, or Cabin /Male Characters only), four parts each, 40 UKAMAS FOR BOYS (Male Characters only), by Miss Keating..... 40 HOME PLAYS FOR LADIES (Female Characters only), complete in three parts . . . each, 40 AN EVENING'S ENTERTAINMENT, an original Comedy, a Burlesque and Farce 4 THE ETHIOPIAN DRAMA (NEW SERIES.) •inks and Jinks lcky Number .mebody s Coat •ip to Paris -rival of Dickens ack Ole Bull ackest Tragedy of All .obert Make-Airs ox and Cox tazeppa nited States Mail he Coopers 0 Opposite Neighbors 151 Dutchman's Ghost 152 Persecuted Dutchman VOL. XX. 81 O'Flanniccan and the ra-|153 Musard Ball ! 82 Irish Post 83 My Neighbor's Wife i 84 Irish Tiger ! 8a P . P . , or Man and Tiger I 86 To Oblijre Benson 87 State Secrets 88 Irish Yankee 20 The Bottle j 21 Box and Cox | 22 Bamboozling 23 Widow's Victim -rt Macaire VOL, IV. i 25 Secret Service ' 26 Omnibus t 27 Irish Lion I 28 Maid of Croissy ': 29 The Old Guard 30 Raising the Wind 31 Slasher and Crasher 32 Naval Engagements VOL. V. 33 Cocknies in California 3* Who Speaks First 85 Bombastes Furioso 36 Macbeth Travestie 37 Irish Ambassador 33 Delicate Ground 154 Great Tragic Revival 155 High Low Jack & Game 156 A Gentleman from Ire- 157 Tom and Jerry (land 158 Village Lawyer 159 Captain's not A-niiss 160 Amateurs and Actors 91 Gale Breezely 92 Our Jemimy ) 93 Miller's Maid '. 94 Awkward Arrival ! 95 Crossing the Line i 96 Conjugal Lesson VOL. XIII. 9T My Wife's Mirror i 98 Life in New York ! 99 Middy Ashore jlOO Crown Prince 101 Two Queens 102 Thumping Legacy 1103 Unfinished Gentleman 1 104 House Dog VOL. XIV. J105 The Demon Lover 1 106 Matrimony (107 In and Out of Place 1108 I Dine with Mv Mother |109 Hi-a-wa-tha 39 The Weathercock [ Gold ■ 110 Andy Blake 40 All that Glitters is No t [lll Love in '76 [ties 112 Romance under Difficul- VOL. XXI. ,161 Promotion [ual 90 Cherrv and Fail- Star 162 A Fascinating Individ- VOL. VI. 41 Grimshaw, Bagshaw and Bradshaw | 42 Rough Diamond I 43 Bloomer Costume i 44 Two Bonovcastles I 45 Born to Good Luck : 46 Kiss in the Dark [jurer I 47 'T would Puzzle a Con- | 48 Kill or Cure VOL. VII. 49 Box and Cox Married and 50 St. Cupid [Settled 51 Go-to-bed Tom 52 The Lawyers i 53 Jack Shtppard 54 The Toodles 65 The Mobcap 56 Ladies Beware VOL. Vlfl 57 Morning Call 58 Popping the Question 59 Deaf as a Post 60 New Footman 61 Pleasant Neighbor 62 Paddy the Piper 63 Brian O Linn 64 Irish Assuranr. VOL. IX. 65 Temptation 66 Paddy Carev 67 Two Gregories 63 King Charming 69 Po-ca-hon-tas 70 Cloekmaker's Hat Tl Married Rake 72 Love and Murder VOL. XXXVII. 289 AH the World's a Stage 290 Quasb, or Nigger Practice 291 Torn Him Out 292 Pretty Girls of Stillberg 293 Angel of the Attic 294 Circumstances a] er Caie» 298 Katty OSbeal 296 Supper in Diiie VOL. XV. 113 One Coat for 2 Suite 114 A Decided Case 1 1 5 D aughter L nori t v 116 No; or, the Glorious Mi- 117 Coroner's Inquisition 118 Love in Humble Life 119 Family Jars 120 Personatien VOL. XVI. 121 Children in the Wood 122 Winning a Husband 123 Day after the Fair 124 Make Your M r ills 125 Rendezvous 126 My Wife's Husband 127 Monsieur Tonson 128 Illustrious Stranger VOL. XVII 129 Mischief-Making [Mines 130 A Live Woman in the 131 The Corsair 132 Shvlock 133 Spoiled Child 134 Evil 135 Nothing to N^urse 136 Wanted a widow XVIII. 137 Lottery Ticket 133 Fortune's Frolic 139 Is he Jealous , 140 Married Bachelor 141 Husband at Sight 142 Irishman in London 143 Animal Magnetism 144 Highways and By- Waysl VOL. XXXVIII. I 19? Ici on Parle Franeaw '& 2*8 Who Killed Cock Robin I 299 Declaration of Independence! 300 Heads or Tails 301 Obstinate Family 302 Mv Aunt 303 That Raswal Pat 304 Don Paddy de Baaa 163 Mrs. Cau.'.le 164 Shakspeare's Dream 165 Neptune's Defeat 166 Lady of Bedchamber 167 Take Care of Little 168 Irish Widow | Charley VOL. XXII. 169 Yankee Peddlar 170 Hiram Hireont 171 Double-Bedded Room 172 The Drama Defended 173 Vermont Wool Dealer 174 Ebenezer Venture [ter 175 Principles .'rom Charao- 176 Lady of the Laka (Trav) VOL. XXIII. 177 Mad Dogs 178 Barney the Baron 179 Swiss Swains 180 Bachelor's Bedroom 181 A Roland for an Oliver 182 More Blunder* than One 183 Dumb Belle 184 Limerick Boy VOL. XXIV. 185 Nature and Philosophy 186 Teddy the Tiler 187 Spectre Bridgroom 188 Matteo Falcone 189 Jenny Lind 190 Two Buzzards 191 Happv Man 192 Betsy Baker VOL. XXV. 193 No. 1 Round the Corner 194 Teddy Roe 195 Object of Interest 196 My Fellow Clark 197 Bengal Tiger 198 Laughing Hyena 199 The Victor Vanquished 200 Onr Wife VOL. XXVI. 201 My Husband's Mirror 202 Yankee Land. 203 Norah Creina 204 Good for Nothing 205 The First Night 206 The Eton Boy 207 Wandering Minstrel 208 Wanted, 1000 Milliners. 223 Siamese Twins S 224 Sent to the Tower ] VOL. XXIX 225 Somebody Else 226 Ladles' Battle 227 Art of Acting 228 The Lady of the Lionel 229 The Rights of Man " 230 My Husband' s Ghost 1 231 Two Can Play at thfl Game 232 Fighting by Proxy 1 VOL. XXX. I 233 Unprotected Female I 234 Pet of the Petticoats 1 235 Forty and Fifty [boJ 236 Who Stole the Pockri 237 My Son Diana 238 Unwarrantable I n' r f 239 Mr. and Mrs. White 1 240 A Quiet Family VOL. XXXI. 241 Cool as Cucumber 242 Sudden Thoughts 243 Jumbo Jum 244 A Blighted Beiny 245 Little Toddlekins. 246 A Lover by Proxv f Pa,, 247 Maid with the Miikii 248 Perplexing Predicates VOL. XXX' f. N 249 Dr. Dilworth \ 250 Out to N-irse 251 A Luckv Hit 252 The Dowager 253 Metamora i.Lurlesqne. * 254 Dreams of Delusion 255 The Shakf r Lovers 256 Ticklish Times VOL. XXXIII. 257 20 Minutes with a Tige 258 Miralda: or, the Justlo ! of Tacon 259 A Soldier's Conrtshii 260 Servants by Legacy 261 Dying for Love 262 Alarming Sacrifice 263 Valet de Sham 264 Nicholas Nickleby VOL. XXXIV. 265 The Last of the Pigtai i 266 King Rene's Dauehte ' 267 The Grotto Nymph \ 268 A Devilish Good Jok 269 A Twice Told Tale 1 270 Pas de Fascination : 271 Revolutionary Soldie |272 A Man Without a Hea VOL. XXXV. 273 The Olio, Part 1 [274 The Olio, Part 2 275 The 0".io, Part 3 •276 The Trumpeter' sDr 277 Seeing Warren (278 Green Mountain Boy 279 That Nose 280 Tom Noddy's Secret VOL. XXXVl VOL XXVII. 209 Poor Pilcoddy 210 The Mummy [Glasses- 281 Shocking Event 211 Don't Forgetyour Opera 282 A Regular Fix 212 Love in Livery Dick Tut] in 213 Anthony and Cleopatra 281 Young Feam, 214 Trving It On. 285 Young Actress -T5 Stage Struck Yankee , 286 Call at No. 1-7 16 Young Wife & Old Um- 287 One Touch of NatuT. brella - Two B'hoys VOL. XXXIX. 5 Too Much for Good Nature. 306 Cure for tbc Fidg Anything on this Cover sent/ret by mail, on rtctipi of print. iXew and explicit Descriptive Litt mailed free on request. ! SA.11CEL FRENCH, Publisher, 123 Hassan St., N. I. 1\ o LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 014 491 069 2 ur~ii: r~.