►2x0^ >J»>3 ::>yx ^LIBRARY OF CONGRESS.:! [SMITHSONIAN DEPOSIT.] ^/^. P 5 b 5 S ; UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.^ •'^'%-'%.-%.'%>'n 'DISSS'^ ^o^-sCj..^^^,- x>^0^^^ >52^^io^ :Q3^^^i< J» '> 3> ^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. OOl^EIDY I If F I YE ACTS. BY D. WADSWORTE WAINWRIGIIT, M. D. NEW YORK: CHARLES ROE, PUBLISHER, 697 BROADWAY. ^1858. ,< X,"^ .iV Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1858, By D. Wadsworth Wainwright, In tlie Clerk's OflBce of tlie District Court of the United States for tha Southern District of New York. NEW TORK : BILLIN §[i§ m §i!^mmm< ACT I. SoESB I. — Vane's Apaj'tment; S((fa and Talle, L. H. • antique Writing-denh, R. II. ; Chairs R. and L. Scene II. — Hall in Mrs. Grafton^s Hovm. SoENE III. — Library in Mrs. Grafton^s House ; Table with JBoohs, L. H. ; Tahle, R. 11., with Writing Mate- rials ; Sofa and Chairs, R. a7id L. ; Piano, R. H, ACT II. Scene I. — Arthur's Studio : Easel and small Taile, R. H. ; Table, L. II., with Writing Materials, Pipes, etc. ; Chairs R. and L. Scene II. — Hall in Mrs. Gra/ton's House. Scene III. — View of Fifth Avenue from Fourteenth Street. ACT III. Scene I. — Same as in Act 1st ; Library, opening into Draw- ing-room handsomely furnished. ACT IV. Scene I. — Moonlight View of Union Square. Scene II. — Entrance to a Fashionable Hell. Scene III. — Fashionable Gambling Saloon ; Faro Tnhle, R. H., with all the ap2)oi7itments ; Table, L. II., with Writing Materials. ACT V. Scene I. — Ball-room in Mrs. GraftorHs House, handsomely furnished ; Piano, L. H. ; Chairs and Tables, R. and L. ; Conservatory at back. STAGE DIRECTIONS. G., centre; R.,rigJit; L., left ; F., front; 'R.TL., right hand ; L. II., left hand. WHEAT AND CHAFF. SCENE FIRST. Apartments o/'Hekbert Yane. At rising of Ourtain, Vane discovered lying on Sofa. VANE, alone. Here I am, a scion of uppertendom, an F. F. V. of Gotham; possessor, the world says, of ten thousand a year ; I say, without a dollar in bank or pocket, save these [talrs bills from j)ocJcet] paltry two hundred, proceeds of that watch I lent a friend, my uncle. My cursed luck at Paris, Baden-Baden, and at Deuce's has left me penniless, with more debts than coppers. Fortunately, tradesmen take it kindly when owed by a man of fashion ! This cursed luck cannot always last — " there is a tide" — to day I feel the flood sets in. This very night I will make one last attempt to avert my ruin. Have a care, Deuce ! [Holds up nils.] Here is the wedge to break either you or me. \_Eeturns hills to pocTcet., rings hell. Enter Bob, L.H.^ hands three notes on salver.'l Has any one called this morning ? BOB. Yes, sir ; Mr. Shears and Mr. Welt were here four times yes- terday. Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. VANE, atskle. Tailor and bootmaker ; beagles of the hunt. Now they are on the scent, to-morrow I shall have the whole pack after me in full cry — the devil catch the hindermost. [Aloud.l Any one else? BOB. Yes, sir ; Miss Charlotte, she told me to tell you, unless you gave her back her watch, she would tell your father ; said she was a-coming again, sir. VANE. Be sure you tell her I have left the city, and wiU be absent a month. BOB. Yes, sir. VANE, aside. Before that I shall either have gold in plenty, or have left forever. BOB. Any orders, sir ? VANE. Not at present. [Bob loios, exit, L. H. Vane 02-)ens first note, reads aloud.] "Mrs. Fidget requests the pleasure — " Pleasure, bah! [Opeiis second note.] "Mrs. Stupid, very sociably — " Sociably, humbug ! These are the vultures of society ; they soar above in the firmament of fashion — ever watchful, ever restless — ready to pounce upon any simple lamb with a golden fleece ; clutch it, bear it away to their own nests to fill the rapacious maw of one of their screeching brood — of all, if they could. I am no simple lamb. [Puts down notes, opens third.] "Mrs. Grafton will be happy to see Mr. Herbert Vane to-morrow, (Thursday) evening, at eight o'clock, very sociably. R. S. V. P., 150 Madison Square." Very sociably, again. Last year, in the flush times, this invitation would have been printed on a four by six card, with an "At Home," and sent two weeks before. Now, in hard times, " Very Sociably," is the polite excuse for poor suppers, and worse wine. " Vive la Bagatelle.^^ This is not a loving way to speak of one's 8 Act I.-] WHEAT AND CHAFF. ' {Scene I. future mother-in-law — loving, bah ! She is playing her game, I mine: she for position for herself, daughter, and an extra ten thousand a year ; T, for her money alone, daughter thrown in. I know her hand, she does not mine. Now to answer these. {^Goes to desk, sjyeal'S ichile iDriting tico notes.l "Mr. Vane accepts with pleasure," etc. [Folds Jirst 7iote.] One must go every where, or he would soon be forgotten. [Folds second note.] These for Mrs. Fidget and Mrs. Stupid ; now for Mrs. Grafton's. [SpeaAs wJiile writing third note.] "My dear Mrs. Grafton, I accept with much pleasure your kind invitation for to-morrow evening, and shall do myself the honour of calling this afternoon, to offer to your loved daughter my hand and fortune." [Speals.] More humbug ! [ Writes.] " I can delay no longer. I must know my fate, either for perfect happiness or eternal misery." [S2)eal-s.] There's agony ! [ Writes.] "I hope, I trust, you will not use your all-powerful influence against me." [Speaks.] I have no fear of that — I have her safe — to her I am a saint. [Writes.] "With anxious heart I await your answer." [Comes down the stage.] This is a desperate game I am playing : I should loose, too, unless I had the odds. The girl loves my old friend and schoolfellow, Arthur — hates me ; for- tunately, I know — he does not — that the poor fool promised at her father's death-bed — she will keep her promise — to accept the man her mother chooses. Here he is. So promise, 'gainst love ; promise wins, and the game is mine. Poor Arthur, I am sorry I have to play you false ! I, the only man you ever confided in ; however, I cannot draw back : it is too late. I am poor, and the stake is too large. So as poverty knows no friends, the game must go on. ARTHUR, outside. HaUoo, Herbert, where are you ? — show yourself. VANE. Speak of the devil — [Arthur, enter C, ARTHUR. Earthed at last ; I've had a hunt for it. Why, you are as slip- pery and hai'd to find as an old fox ! You never come near me. A* 9 Ad I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. VANE. 'Pon my life, that's cool ! The first time you honour my batche- lor quarters, you accuse me of neglect ! Justice, my dear fellow — you owe me a hundred visits. ARTHUR. True bill : Minerva must aj^ologize for me. I am her slave — she is a jealous mistress. VANE. And like the rest of her sex, thorouglily heartless. ARTHUR. Not thoroughly. She, like woman, smiles upon us sometimes ; and we forget a thousand fi'owns in the enjoyment of one smile. I see you live decidedly " En Frince." VANE. Now, my dear fellow 1 'Pon my life, you flatter me. I live plainly — very plainly. ARTHUR. I should not suppose it. What an odd-looking desk! [Foints to desh] Where did you get it ? VANE. Yes, rather. I got it in Rome. Look at it. [Arthur goes to- wards desTc. Vane starts up. Aside.l By heavens ! that letter ! [Aloud} Arthur! Arthur! ARTHUR. Halloo ! You appear to be excited. What's the matter ? VANE. Nothing : I want your opinion of that picture. [Points to picture, on other side of stage.] It is a gem — said to be a Claude ! [Aside.] Any thing to stop him. ARTHUR. Ha ! ha ! ha ! Very well done, Herbert — too late. I see — [points to letter] — a love letter to your last conquest ! Come, tell me her name ; I will be secret. [Goes to picture.] 10 ^^il^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. VANE, No, no ! 'Pon my life, you are mistaken ; it is only about a little 'matter of business— mere business. [Goes to desh : covers .'up letter. Aside.] He little thinks that business bodes him no good. [Both come down stage. Sit] ARTHUR. Really, I cannot say much for your taste in pictures. VANE. No ? Is it not a gem ? ARTHUR. It is a daub ! VANE. Then I have been sold. I must send it back. How have you spent the summer ? ARTHUR. Sketching in the mountains— and you ? VANE. As usual, following in the wake of fashion. Heard any news, ^tely ? ARTHUR. Only two or three— new toy engagements. VANE. Toy engagements ? ARTHUR. Yes ; like toys, made to be broken. What matters it, if a few hearts break with them. VANE. Nothing. Sew them up with gold,— they are good as new. ARTHUR. The scar remains. VANE. Time obliterates scars : the gold remains. By-the-bye, how comes on your suit with Miss Grafton ? 11 Act L] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. ARTHUR. "Well, as far as she is concerned. I dare not ask the mother. She does not admire poor men. VANE. 'Pon my life, she does not. ARTHUR. I hear you have great influence with her ; could you — ^you know, just — VANE. Plead for you ? Certainly, my dear fellow. I shall be de- lighted to serve you. [Aside.] I cannot refuse ; I have no reason. ARTHUR. I shall not forget it. I hate to ask a favour of any one — even you ; stiU, I recall our old schooldays. VA NE. So do I. How many scrapes we got into ! ARTHUR. Yes, and such unlucky ones ! We were always caught. VANE. You alone took the punishment. ARTHUR. That was right. I was the elder — I led you into mischief. VANE. I think not, if I remember correctly ; however, right or wrong, it made me your sincere friend. ARTHUR. I believe you were, then ; and wUl be, even now, for the sake of old times. A' A N E . Never fear, Arthur. I assure you, you can trust me. ARTHUR, takes vane's hand. I do not trust many ; it is not safe. Why, I heard you were 12 Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I devoted to Helen. I did not believe it. I could not distrust an old friend. VANE. Distrust everybody, my dear fellow. Each one has his price. ARTHUR. I cannot think that, though I am cynical. VANE. You cynical ! mere imagination. Cynics have no hearts. ARTHUR. Cynic or not, I will trust you. You could not take my hand if you meant to deceive me. VANE, shahes hand violently. My dear fellow, you never knew me — you will. ARTHUR. I must, now — when I trust you with what is more to me than life. Good-bye. Let me hear from you. VANE. I will; you may rely upon me. [^r/i Arthur, G. Enter Kk- TflUR, {7.] ARTHUR, laugliingly. I had forgotten — VANE. What? ARTHUR. To tell you, not to let my affair interfere with that little matter of business — [points to de»k'\ — mere business. Send it at once, Herbert ; it is vmkind to keep her in suspense. VANE. Trust me. I wiU not. ARTHUR. Then good-bye, again. On that score [points to des¥\ my con- science is easy. [Exit, C] VANE, goes to desl% tahes letter. On this score his conscience is easy. Is mine ? Bah ! con- 13 Act l] WHEAT AND CUAFF. [Scene I/. science ! What's conscience ? A mere bugbear to frighten chil- dren. [Speaks widle folding note.] The game goes on swimmingly, I have put Arthur off the scent. Then if Blackstone can hush up that cursed faux pas of mine in Paris, so the papers do not get it, all will be well. In a week I shall be on velvet. [Eings hell. Enter Bob, L. H.] Deliver these notes at once. Wait for Mrs. Grafton's answer. BOB, taJiCS notes. Yes, sir. Will you drive the tilbury or dog-cart to-day, sir ? VANE. Neither : I shall walk. When you return, stay at home. I expect a note from Mr. Blackstone ; if it comes, bring it to me at Mrs. Grafton's immediately. BOB. Yes, sir. Any thing else, sir ? VANE. Did you order the dinner at the club ? BOB. Yes, sir — for twelve, sir — ready at six, sir. VANE. Very well: you can go. [Exit Bob, L. R.] The game's begun. Now to catch the queen. [Exit Vane, B. M.] SCENE SECOND. Hall at Mrs, Grafton's. Enter, L. R., Bob and Thomas, note in hand. bob. Well, old Beeswax, how goes it ? THOMAS. So, SO. Any thing up down town ? BOB. The Bear garden's about ? — stocks is up. 14 A.etl.\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_iicene 11. THOMAS. What's that to you ? BOB. Come, I like that — to me — I'm a Bull — I'm long. THOMAS. I thought you were short. BOB. Was, 'fore the 'sponsion. Gone in since on t'other side. THOMAS. WTiat are you in ? Are you in deep ? BOB. No ; a mere trifle. Fifty shares Dismal Swamp Draining Asso- ciation — fifty Underground Eailroad. THOMAS. Do they pay dividends, Bob ? BOB. Guess they do. \Aside^ Out of the capital. THOMAS. Can't you let a feller in ? BOB. I don't know — stock's mighty scarce. Seeing it's you, though, I'll sell you some of mine. THOMAS. Done. I'll take half. BOB. Sold. [Turns, 2mts finger to nose.'] I say, old fellow, I can't stand here all day gassing. Start your pins. There's an answer to that note. THOMAS. You don't say so, my chicken ! Where is it ? BOB. Look a-here, old rooster, simmer down — switch off! {Pushes 15 Act/.] WHEAT AND CUAFF. [.Scene lU. Thomas off., E. II.] Confounded old fogy don't know nothin', — has'n't cut his eye-teeth ! I'll start 'em for him ! I'll cut his gums I [Cones down stage.] Guess I must look out for 'nother place. That master of mine's pretty nigh played out. If this here gag, with that young woman up stairs, don't go down, there'll be a grand Tcerflumux. Let's see. I'll try him 'nother week. I want to be in at the death. Won't that be jolly? [Enter Thomas, E.U.] THOMAS. Here's the answer. [Hands note.] BOB. You did stir your stumps, didn't you, old two-forty ? [TaTcea note.] How's the old woman up stall's ? She's a buster ! THOMAS. Look here, young man ; don't be saucy. BOB. Oh, dry up ! I say, old Bustamente, can't we smile ? THOMAS. We mought ; there's some champagne down stairs. BOB. That's jolly. Come along, old mutton-head ! let's sail in. [Exeunt, L. E. Bob pulling Thomas off.] SCENE THIRD. Library — same. Enter Helen, G. HELEN, alone. I know not why I am so sad this morning. There is no cause for it. Still, I cannot shake my sadness off. I feel a strange presentiment of approaching misfortune, of which I shall be the victim. I will not give way to the feeling ; it can be but a fancy. Here comes Blanche ; she will cheer me. [Enter Blanche, C, sing- ing.A Where have you been ? [Sits.] 16 Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene III BLANCHE. Out shopping. [Tales off ionnet, puts it away.] HELEN. Who did you meet ? BLANCHE. Any number of people. HELEN. Any one in particular ? BLANCHE. Nobody, except that gawky Mary Sappy. HELEN. What did she have to say for herself? BLANCHE. Full of the hard times, as usual. Talked about economy — how poor she felt ; then bought two silk dresses ; "because, [imitating] you know, I can buy two now, for only ten dollars more than I used to pay for one." There's economy for you ! Where's aunt ? HELEN. Up-stairs, with the dress-maker. BLANCHE. I'm glad of it. [iS'iVs.] Now we can have a nice long talk. When she is present, I am aft-aid to say a word. She watches me like a cat. HELEN. Blanche, I will not allow you to speak so. You know she loves you. BLANCHE. No, I don't. If she does, why is she always finding fiiult ? It is nothing aU day, but " Blanche, do this," — " why have you not done it before ?" — " go and do it at once." HELEN. She does it for your good. BLANCHE. She does it to show her power. Just because father made her my guardian, and left his property so I cannot have it until I am 17 Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene m. twenty-one, unless I marry wilh her consent — that is the reason. For my good, mdeed ! Fortunately, I have only a year to wait, then. HELEN. I grant sometimes she is too severe. However, she says you are too wild — too fast : you know you are. BLANCHE. A girl, now-a-days, cannot dance or flirt the least mite with any one, without being called " wild," and " fast." HELEN. How, when she flirts with a great many ones ? BLANCHE, Inuffh Ingly. "Well, I confess I have flirted considerably. HELEN. Shall I run through the list ? BLANCHE. No, I thank you. I have it by heart. HELEN. Have they all a corner there ? Charley would not like to think so. BLANCHE. No, Helen ; they have not. I love that dear, stupid fellow too well. If he objected, I would stop it ; but he don't mind it. I think he rather likes it. HELEN. Don't believe that, Blanche. No man likes to see the woman he loves, even appear interested in another, BLANCHE. Well, I won't flirt as hard next time. Now, have you finished your lecture ? HELEN. Yes. 18 Act L] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene HI. BLANCHE. I should hope so. In attempting to remove the mote fi-om my eye, of course you have forgotten that beam in your own. HELEN. I don't understand you. BLANCHE. Well done, Miss Simplicity. You are in love, and correspond with a man. Does your mother know it ? HELEN. Not that I am aware of ; but that is a very different matter. BLANCHE. Oh ! ah ! is it? {Imitating Helen.] Don't believe that, Helen. No mother likes to see the daughter she loves even appear to cor- respond with a man. So aunt has not discovered it ? HELEN. No. BLANCHE. Trust me, she will I know her. How shall you act when she does? HELEN. Tell her how deeply, how fondly I love him. BLANCHE. What for, pray ? HELEN. Why, she loves me, and will give her consent to our engage- ment. BLANCHE. Not a bit of it ; she wishes you to marry that horrid — " Pon my life," [imitates Y a.S'e,'] she wiU talk to you about "bringing her in sorrow to the grave," and all that sort of thing — implore you to make her happy. HELEN. You wrong her : she loves me too well. BLANCHE. Then, if that wiU not do, she will say: "My child, remember the solemn promise you have given." 19 Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Seene UL HELEN. I forgot that fatal promise. BLANCHE, Break it. HELEN. I dare not : it was given to the dead. BLANCHE. The dead had no right to ask it, so I would break it. HELEN. No, Blanche ; sooner than do that, I will give up my love. BLANCHE. More fool you. [^Enter Mrs. Grafton, G.I MRS. GRAFTON. Blanche, why are you not at your piano ? go at once. BLANCHE. Yes, aunt. [Aslde^ going.} The old ogress! [^.cii, R. J7.] MRS. GRAFTON, Helen, I want to talk with you. HELEN. Well, my dearest mother, what is it ? MRS. GRAFTON. Sit down. [Tliey sit.] I am very much grieved. This morning, by accident, I opened your desk. I need not tell you what I found there. It made me very unhappy. I asked myself the painful question : Can my child love me — my only child — to carry on a clandestine correspondence ? HELEN, aside. My presentiment of misfortune was too true. MRS. GRAFTON. I wish to know which you love the best — your mother or Mr, Beaufort ? 20 Act I.-] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene III n E L E u , aside. It comes very soon. MRS. GRAFTOX. I acknowledge he is a gentleman — still he is poor — HELEN, interruptmg. If that is his only fault, I have enough for both. MRS. GRAFTON. That is not the reason I object. I have lived longer than you, my child : believe me when I say Mr. Beaufort is not at all suited to make you happy. HELEN. I love him, mother. MRS. GRAFTON. Trust me, Helen, I know your nature — your affection for hira would not last. You might be happy for a year ; after that — I wUI not go on. I have pondered deeply upon your future happiness, passed many sleepless nights reflecting how I might best secure it, and fulfil the last command of your dead father — "Make my child happy." I have striven to do so. HELEN. Mother, I love him. MRS. GRAFTON. It is my sole aim in life to make you happy — to see you occupy the high position in the world for which you are so weU fitted. HELEN. I love him, mother. MRS. GRAFTON. I have at last found the man to whom I can entrust your hap- piness. Helen, your mother tells you so — appeals to you whether you will be guided by her, or, clinging to your mistaken fancy, "bring her in sorrow to the grave ?" HELEN. Mother, I love him. MRS. GRAFTON. You only fancy so. Mr. Vane loves you — will place you the 21 Act ^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. ^ [Scene UI. brightest gem of the circle in which he moves. And further, " re- member the solemn promise you have given." Now, my child, I leave you to decide whether your mother shall be happy, or miser- able. \_Ooing.'\ Remember your promise I \_Exit^ C] HELEN. I dare not forget it. [Enter., Blanche R. H.'\ BLA NCHE, There, Helen, what did I tell you ? HE L EN. The truth. BLANCHE. What shall you do ? HELEN. I will not break my word. BLANCHE. Then you do not love Arthur ? HELEN. Not love him ! I would give up my life for him ; aye, every thing, save honour. BLANCHE. Take my advice : run away. HELEN. No, Blanche ; my heart may break, but I will keep my prorrise. [Enter Mrs. Grafton, C, unperceived.'\ BLANCHE. You are a fool for your trouble. MRS. GRAFTON. When your advice is wanted, Blanche, it will be asked for. You can leave the room, BLANCHE. Yes, aunt. [Aside., going.'] The hyena! [Exit., JR. M.] MRS. GRAFTON. Helen, have you decided ? HELEN. Mother, I will marry Mr. Vane. 22 Act I.'] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene lU. MRS. GEAFTON. I am thaQkful. Now, my dear, write to Mr. Beaufort. Tell him your decision, and request him to return your letters. His I have sealed up in this packet. [Takes jacket from pochet.'\ I shall send them with your note. I also have written to him. [Helen goes to table — writes.'\ Mr. Vane wrote me that he should call this afternoon. [Bell outside I'ings.] Probably that is he. [Bnter TaoMAS, C. Sands card on salver to Mrs. GnAFTOif. Helen gives note to Mrs. Gkafton. To Thomas.] Take these [places packet and notes on salver] to Mr. Beaufort's. Wait for an an- swer. THO MAS. Yes, madam. MRS. GRAFTON. Tell Susan to tend the door. If any one calls, to say we are engaged. THOMAS. Yes, madam. MRS. GRAFTON, looks at Card. Show the gentleman up. [Thomas hows, exit, C] Helen, it is Mr. Vane. I leave you, in trust I may return happy. [Bxit, B.H.] HELEN. That fatal promise ! Poor Ai'thur ! How heartless will he think me when he reads my note. It is better so. He wiU the sooner forget me. [Enter Thomas, C] THOM as. Mr. Herbert Vane. [Enter Vane, C, exit Thomas, C] VANE. Good morning, Miss Helen. [Helen Ioids coldly. They sit.l I hope your mother has informed you of the object of my visit. [Helen hows.] Helen, I have long loved you with a sincere and deep devotion, I offer you my hand and heart. [Kneels.] I im- plore you not to refuse making me the happiest of men. [Enter Bob, C, hurriedly.] BOB. Here's the note, sir. [Vane starts vp.] 2.^ Act I.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III. VANE, aside. Confound the fellow ! [Tal-es note. Addresses 'Qeles.'] Par- don this interruption. I expected a communication from my lawyer on a very impoiiant matter, and told my servant to bring it to me inuiiediately. Allow me to open it. [Helen bows. Vane comes down, R. II., opens note. Drops note accidentally while re- turning it to pocJcet, during himness.'] BOB, aside. He was a-doing it up that time, he was. HELEN, aside. There is one hope left. I will appeal to him. If he is a man, he will resign me. VANE, to BOB. You can go, sir. There is no answer. BOB. Yes, sir. [Aside, going.] Sha'n't I catch Jessie ! [Fxit, C] VANE. You will not destroy my hopes — tell me you return my love. HELEN, Mr. Vane, I do not love you ; my heart is irrevocably given to another. If you do not wish to see me die, go, leave, resign me ; there are better, handsomer, richer women than I, who can and will love you. VANE. Helen, I cannot ; I love you too fondly. No other woman could compensate me for your loss. I am too great a coward ; I dare not destroy my dream of bliss. HELEN. Be it so ; there is my hand. [Vane tales hand.] To keep my promise, I sacrifice myself; but beware, it is soft now, it will be ice hereafter ! VANE. I will thaw it with my kisses. [Kisses hand. Mes. Geafton enters at C] 24 ActlL\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene I. MRS. GRAFTON. Daughter, you have made me happy. \Embraces Helen.] HELEN. Mother, you have made me miserable. [Vane comes down, L. ^, Blanche enters R. H., picks vp note dropped by Vane; opens it, appears to read.] VANE, aside. The game is won ; I've caught the queen. BLANCHE, aside. I will catch the knave. Und of First Act. [Tableau. SCENE FIRST. Studio of Arthur Beattfort. Enter Job, R. H. JOB, alone. As I live, not bad quarters for a poor artist. [Enter Arthur, L. H., smohing.] ARTHUR. Uncle Job, how are you ? I am very glad to see you. How well you are looking. [Shahe hands.] JOB. Same to you, my boy. ARTHUR. Let me take your coat off [ITelps him to remove coat, also taJces hat and cane, places them on table.] Now sit down ; make yourself at home. JOB. You may depend upon it I will. [TTiey sit.] B 25 Actll.'l WHEAT AND CHAFF. \8cem I. ARTHUR. When did you leave home ? How are they all ? and how is old Carlo ? JOB. I left this morning. They are all well, dogs and all ; as for old Carlo, he sent a bark and a wag of his tail for you. ARTHUR. Dear old fellow ! I should like to see his hairy face again. What can I offer you after your journey ? Some brandy and water ? JOB. No brandy and water for me. Give me ale — glorious ale ; it leaves no sting, and laughs with you while you drink it. Ale for me, my boy, provided your cellar contains it ARTHUR. Certainly it does. I am a Son of Malta. JOB. At your old tricks, are you ? Horrible ! ARTHUR. Pardon me, I could not help it. \Gets ale^ opens it, gives Job.] Will you have a segar or pipe with your ale ? job. A pipe, if you have one convenient. [AETHrE gives Job pipe — Job ligJits it.] Now I feel cosy and comfortable. [Aethtje sits.] ARTHUR. Well, uncle, how did the hard times affect you farmers ? job. Not very severely. We had many things to be thankful for. Kind nature lent us a helping hand ; blessed us with great crops, so we suffered but little. How was it with Art ? ARTHUR. We artists suffered greatly. No commissions: on the other hand, some of our rich, generous patrons were so liberal as to 20 Actl^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_Scene I. withdraw, even those given before the panic — merely making the hard times sei've as an excuse for meanness. JOB. I'd sooner have the picture than be owed for it. I see you are not changed. Same as ever — ever looking on the dark side. ARTmjE. That is the safest philosophy, at least in this age of brass. JOB. Not the truest ; certainly not the happiest. Would you shut out the bright sky for the one little cloud which specks it ? I hope not. ARTHUR. Uncle, we are always at war on that point. JOB. Yes, my boy ; but trust me, I shall conquer in the end. ARTHUR. Perhaps so. When the world becomes flat — I beg its pardon — it is flat enough ah'eady. JOB. Lord it bravely, while you can. My turn will come : then you shall cry peccavi. So, my modem Xeno, despite your cynical ideas of women, you are hooked at last. ARTHUR. I confess it. JOB. Who is the witch that has performed such a miracle ? ARTHUR. The daughter of your old love. JOB. What ! Helen Grafton ? ARTHUR. Even so. By-the-bye, uncle, you never told me about your flirtation with the mother. 27 ActII.'\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \ Scene I JOB. Flirtation, Arthur ! It was no flirtation ; it was a sad reality. It is not a pleasant remembrance. Still, as my experience may benefit you, I will relate it. Catharine and I were children to- gether — grew up together. She was my little wife— so I loved to call her. I loved her fondly — devotedly. I believe she returned it. Well, we were engaged. I was happy. It lasted but a mo- ment. Her father would not consent. He said I was too poor, and advised her to give me up. She took his advice — gave me up — married another. Ah ! ah ! The wound was deep ; the scar is yet tender. ARTHUK. Can you forgive her ? JOB. I have. She was very young then ; she knew not how much I loved her. ARTHUR. After that, you look on the bright side ? JOB. Yes, my dear boy. I am no misanthrope, to shun the whole for the unkindness of one ; I love woman too well. I did not banish myself from the world. No, I entered in its enjoyments — not its extravagancies ; in that course, I found consolation. Now, the past is but a softened shadow. ARTHUR. Did you never love another ? JOB. No, Arthur. True love is eternal ; it is a spring in the desert. The sands of time may fill — the growth of weeds may choke it ; yet memory, like an oasis, marks the spring — still there, though silent. Away with sad thoughts : life is too short for regret. Tell me, my boy, what sort of girl Helen is. ARTHUR. She does not wear hoops ten feet in diameter 1 28 Actll?^ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \_Scene I. JOB. That is rather a negative character. A R T }I TT R . Well, uncle, she is a noble girl ; good, kind, affectionate, and accomplished. JOB. Is she handsome ? is she a belle ? ARTHUR. The world says so. JOB. Does she waltz ? A RTHTJR. No, indeed ; I would as soon have the woman I love hugged in a dark room, alone, as in a crowd. JOB. Last, but not least, does she love you ? ARTHUR. I believe she loves me, and will continue to do so ; that is, if she be not tried too severely. I say tried, for I am rather skep- tical in regard to woman's constancy. JOB. Skeptical ? In my day, a woman would give her own life for the man she loved. ARTHUR. And her mother, uncle ? JOB. Well, " exceptions prove the rule." ARTHU R. I say tried, for her mother has unbounded influence over her. I fear, if she willed it, Helen might retract. JOB. In that case, what would you do? 29 Act 11.'] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. ARTHUR. Do ! — Why — [Knoclc at door., li. R.] Come in. [Enter Thomas, H.H. Hands two notes and packet to AiiTiivii.] Uncle, permit me. JOB. Certainly, my dear boy. [Comes down, L. H., opens notes and reads aloud, aside.^ ARTHUR. " Mr. Beaufort : — Let the past be forgotten : I am engaged to Mr. Vane. I send your letters, and request you will return mine by the bearer. I remain yours very respectfully, Helen Grafton." [Speali's aside.^ Can this be real, or am I dreaming? [Looks at letter and Thomas.] It is true ! So cold and heartless ! Not one kind word. Engaged, and to Herbert. " Misfortunes never come single ;" the only woman I ever loved, deceives me — the only man I ever trusted, betrays me. The blow strikes home ; I feel it here ; [jmts hand to heart ;] but the brain, shall subdue the heart. JOB. What is the matter, Arthur ? — ^you appear moved. Is there any bad news in that note ? ARTHUR. Bad news ! — read it. [Oives Job note.'] It is a model ^''Mllet douxP [Goes to draw, takes out p>a,cket, during business — Job reads note — speaks aside.] JOB. The poor boy feels it more than his actions show. ARTHUR. That is all, Thomas. [Hands packet to Thomas. Thomas taJces packet, botes, exit B. H.] job. Now it is done, Arthur, what shall you do ? [Hands back note to Arthxtr.] ARTHUR. Humph ! Light another cigar. [Lights cigar with note.] JOB, aside. Bravely done. 30 Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. A E T H U R. Let me see what this contains. [Opens second note, reads aloud.'] "Mrs. Grafton will be happy to see Mr. Beaufort to-morrow, (Thursday) evening, at eight o'clock. Very sociably." [Aside.] A sop for Cerberus. [Aloud.'\ I must write an answer. JOB. What wiU it be ? AETHITK. An acceptance, of course. [Goes to talle, wi'ites.'] JOB. That's right, Arthur, let her go ; there are as good fish in the sea as ever were caught. A RTnUR. I shall fish no more ; I cannot bait my hook with gold. [ Comes down stage.] Now, that is finished, suppose we take a stroll ; I shall paint no more to-day, my head aches ; I think a walk will relieve it, JOB. I have no objection. Wliere shall we go ? ARTHUR. Any where— I care not — ^to the devil, if you wish. JOB. Pray, excuse me — not just yet. No doubt he would be glad to see us, but I am not dressed for Grace. [Enter Charles Hearty, E. R] CHARLEY. How are j^ou, Arthur? [They sTial-e hands.] My dear fellow, I truly sympathize with you. Halloo — who's that? [Motions toJo'a.] ARTHUR. My Uncle Job. Uncle, allow me to introduce my friend, Charley Hearty. JOB. I am happy to know you, sir. [They shalae hands.] 31 Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [iicene L on AELET. You honour me, sir ; I have often heard Arthur speak of you. [Aside, to Aethur.] Does he know any thing about it? [Motions to Job.] ARXnUR. Yes ; never mind him — speak out. CHARLEY, I received a note from Blanche, an hour ago, saying Helen had accepted Herbert Vane. I was very busy ; still I could not help running up town, to tell you how much I feel for you. Can I be of any service ? ARTHUR. No, I thank you, Charley. You see I can bear it — it has not killed me. JOB. Mr. Hearty, my nephew is a cynic. CHARLEY. I do not know what that is, sir. This I do know — if Blanche had treated me so, I would — I don't know what I wouldn't do. ARTHUR. Do as I do, " grin and bear it." CHARLEY. I couldn't do that. I should like to remain with you, but busi- ness before pleasure : I must go back to the office. Arthur, I have a case at last. ARTHUR, I am delighted to hear it. "What is it? CHARLEY. A quarantine case. ARTHUE. Not a yellow fever case ? CHARLEY. Not exactly. I am going to indict the police. 32 AeiII.\ WHEAT AND CHAFF. \ScencL JOB , What for, may I ask ? ARTHTJK. Because they "locked the stable-door after the horse was stolen," I suppose. OH ARLET. He has hit it, sir. Well, I must go, or I shall be too late for the grand jury. ARTHU K. Look in at Delmonico's as you go down town. CHARLEY. I will. Good-bye, Arthur. ARTHUR. Good-bye, Charley. {Shake handi!\ CHARLEY, to JOB. Good-day, sir. JOB . Good-day. [Charley 'bows exit, B. IT.] ARTHUR. He is a good fellow, uncle; education would have made him a brilliant. He sees life through a prism. JOB. Better so than through a camera. Who is this Herbert Yane? ARTHUR. A rich man, a man of fashion, and the acknowledged leader of the German. Until to-day, I thought him my best friend. JOB. And he betrays you ? ARTHUR. Certainly ; that is the " way of the world." JOB . A noble character, indeed 1 Suppose we start. B* 33 Act 11] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem IT. ARTHUR. I will be with you in a moment. [Exit, L. S.] JOB, alone. My dear boy is unhappy. I see it, though he strives to blind me by his affected indifterence. Ah ! the crust of pride ; be it ever so thick on the face, the heart can be felt pulsating be- neath. [Enter Arthtje, L. M., with hat and coat.] ARTHUR. Pardon this detention, JOB. Do not speak of it. It has given me a moment for reflection. That never harms one. Are you ready? [During speech Arthur helps Job put on coat, etc.] ARTHUR. I am at your service. [Loolcs at watch.] It is now three o'clock. Fashion and foUy will be in high flight. JOB. Then we will take a flight with them. [Exeunt, B. H.] SCENE SECOND. Hall at Mrs. Grafton's. Bell outside, L. R., rings violently. Enter Tuoyiks, H. H., jmtting on coat. Crosses opens door, L. S. Enter Bob hurriedly, pushing Thomas aside, has news- paper in hand. BOB. Here's a jolly row — I don't think, THOMAS. I should think there was. Do you want to pull the house down? BOB. Simmer down, old doughface ! None of your airs — it won't do, THOMAS, I see you're saucy as ever. 34 Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. {Scene 11. BOB. That's so, old boss. Has that master of mine goue ? THOMAS. No. BOB. Then he's lucky. Go, fetch him here right off. THOMAS. What for? BOB. Think I'm jolly green, don't you, old puddin'-head? Travel. [Pushes Thomas ojf, R. H.} Here's a go ! {Comes down stage. Beads paper aloud.] " Monstrous degradation in our upper circles ! Horrible depravity in high life ! A villain in upper- tendom unmasked ! The subject of this article, a Mr. Herbert Vane, may be seen daily driving through our most fashionable streets in a dog-cart, with an impudent puppy of a servant perched behind." {Speaks.] That's me. If I ever see the fel- low what wrote that, the way I'll maul him won't be slow. [Enter Vane, R. H.] VANE. Well, sir, what do you want ? BOB. Read that, sir. {Hands newspaper. Aside.] That's a sweet- ener for him. VANE, aside. I did not think they would dare publish it ; that cursed Black- stone should have stopped it. BOB. Do you see what they say about me, sir ? VANE. Yes, for once they tell the truth. BOB, aside. I'll pay him off for that. [Aloud.] Do you think so, sir ? they say, " like master like man." 35 Ad II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene IL VANE, aside. Confound his impudence ! [Aloud.] Well, sir, have you any other pleasant communication ? BOB . Yes, sir. Miss Charlotte is at your room. VANE, aside. Curse the luck ! [Aloud.] Did you tell her I had left the city ? BOB. Yes, sir. She said that was no go ; you'd tried that dodge be- fore; she was a-going to wait till you come home. [Aside.] Guess I was into him that time. VANE, aside. If she should discover where I am! [Aloud.] Bob. BOB. Yes, sir. VANE. I wish you to go home at once. Watch her. Do not let her out of your sight for a moment BOB. No, sir. VANE. When she leaves, follow her until she goes home, then go to the club and wait for me. BOB. Yes, sir. Any thing else, sir ? VANE. No ; you can go. BOB. Yes, sir. [Aside, going.] Just let me catch that paper chap, won't I punch his head ! Oh ! no ! ne'er a bit ! [Bxit, L. H.] VANE, alone. The meshes of the net begin to draw about me ; how shall I escape them ? Why, put on a bold face, they will give way them- selves. What if my wife that is to be should see this ? I care S6 Act II.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III not ; as for the mother — [^imitates a jumping-joJin with his hands] — courage ! courage ! " Vive la bagatelle / A year abroad, and this [puts paper in pocJcet] will he {ovgotten. [Going.] Boldness yet shall win the game. [Exit, R. H.] SCENE THIRD. A View in Fifth Avenue, near Fourteenth Street, During scene, promenaders pass to and fro at iach of stage. Enter Newsboy, L. H., running. NEWSBOY. Here's the Extra Herald! Grand exposy in Fifth Avenue! [Exit, a. H. Enter Job and Arthur, L. H.] ARTHUR. We are now within the sacred precincts [takes off hat] dedi- cated to the worship of the insane goddess Fashion. Let us tread lightly, or her votaries will destroy us. If we stand here, uncle, in an hour we shall see pretence and folly enough for a centmy. JOB. " All are not perfect." However, we will stop ; you shall be the Asmodeus to "open the doors," and "disclose the secrets of the prison-house." ARTHUR. Wisdom's prison-house, indeed — folly's palace. JOB. Leave folly alone, it will kill itself. ARTHUR. I say, shoot it as it flies. JOB. So be it, shoot. [Pointing towards 14-cs — knave wins. JOB. Then to-morrow he will be disgraced. DEUCE. Pardon me ! I shall return it, " d'you see," to-night. DEALER. Knave loses — deuce wins. ARTHUR, aside. Ruined ! Now I am revenged ! Revenged — down, unworthy, bnse thought ! Though he has betrayed me — robbed me of my happiness, still, for her sake, and for sake of the olden time, I will help him. DEALER. Eight loses — queen wins. ARTHUR, ^0 Deuce. Mr. Deuce, will you oblige me by returning to Mr. Vane what he has lost to-night ; in the morning let me know the amount, I will refund it. deuce. Pardon me. I am going to do it myself, " d'you see." dealer. Ace loses — nine wins. ARTHUR. I insist. deuce. "Well, if you insist, I'll tell you what I will do ! " D'you see," I'll go you halves. To no other compromise will I agree. dealer. Nine loses — four wins. 70 Act IP:] wheat and chaff. [Scenelll. AETHUK, Well, be it so. I charge you not to inform him of my share in this matter. DETJOE. Certainly not, if you desire it. DEALER. Seven loses — deuce wins. JOB . Mr. Deuce, I honour you for this act. [Shake hands.] DEUCE. I hope we are none of us as "had as we seem," "d'you see." A K T n u E . Hereafter, Mr. Deuce [shake hands] I shall think the " devil is never as black as he is painted." DEUCE. Now, "'pon my honour," you flatter me, "d'you see." JOB AND ARTHUE. Good-night. DEUOE. Good-night, gentlemen. Call again. [Goes to taMe ; gets hills and check,; during business. Job and. Arthur going.] JOB. My dear boy, I love you. If those be the acts of a cynic, heaven send us more such. ARTHUR. Pshaw, uncle ! That's more of your sentiment. Come along. [Bxetmt, L. H. Enter Vane, C. Gomes doicn stage.] DEALER. Five loses. Deuce wins. DEUCE, to Vane. Pardon me, my dear fellow, when I say I have watched you. VANE. Sir! 71 Act ir.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene III DEUCE. You have lost much ; and this check — [shows checi:] — I know it is worthless. VANE. Do you intend to insult me ? DEUCE. Far from it : I intend to save you. Believe me, you have neither the nerve nor the skill for play. Now listen. I will re- turn this check, with the two hundred you have lost, on your solemn promise you will play no more. Do you consent ? VANE. I do. Deuce, you have proved to me a truer friend, than those leeches — [points to table] — who have fattened on my gold ! DEUCE. Go home, my dear fellow, and sleep, " d'ye see," upon your good resolution. VANE. I will. Good-night. DEUCE. Good-night [Vane going.] VANE, aside. But this is degradation. [Exit, L. H.] DEALER. Knave loses. Deuce wins. DEUCE. No more to-night, gentlemen. " The bank is closed." End of Fourth Act. Tl Aci v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. |.rt liftlr. SCENE FIRST. Ball Room at Mrs. Grafton's. At rising of Curtain, Thomas discovered dusting Chairs. THOMAS, alone. This giving a spread aint " the cheese" — it don't pay ; I likes the kicking part ; but when it comes to the feeding — my eyes ! can't them fashionables go it ! A menagery aint a circum- stance ; perliteness aint nowhere ! Fifty on 'em sings out at once, " Waiter, get me a glass !" " Fetch along a plate !" " Hurry up that spoon !" " ' Cut your stick' for that knife !" Then if they aint there right off, phew ! they empties 'em right under the table, slops and all — wipes the knife on the cloth, pitches into the oys- ters like blazes, knocks over big pile of plates, and down they comes with a stunning " kersicash, /" [Enter Bob, C.\ BOB. Well, old spondulix ! here I am, right side up. THOMAS. You've come mighty early, haint you ? BOB. That's the ticket. I likes to see the gals, 'fore they're wilted : [loohs around:'] going to do things up rather "Jimmy," aint you? THOMAS. Young man, we aint going to do nothing " shorter." We're '• tip tops !" BOB. Oh ! " cork up !" I say, old " bile-your-buster," how 'bout vittals and liquor ? THOMAS. They's all right — fust-rate ! I've put the best on 'em away — safe. 4 73 Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. BOB. That's jolly 1 You knows your business. THOMAS. That's so. I say, Bob, how was the 'lection ball ? " was it a go ?" BOB. Rather think it was ; it's the " Jimmiest" thing of the season. It took so slick ! I'm going to run on split ticket for mayor. THOMAS. You don't say so ? How 'bout the scalp dance? BOB. It was a " ten-strike," it was ! I'll give you a touch. Lize and I did it up in this style. [^Dances.'] Didn't they, hi! hi! Oh, no ! neary a bit ; but when they came to the grand finally [dances] didn't they yell! I swow, it was about the aU-firedest [dances. Enter Blanche, B. E., aside.] settler, by the holy poker ! [Exit, L.H.] BLANCHE. Who is that? THOMAS. Mr. Yane's tiger, Miss. BLANCHE. Let him wait in the hall. [Aside.] That tiger must be chained. THOMAS. Yes, Miss. [Evit, C] BLANCHE. The mine is charged — the train laid — the match ready. We wait but the signal, to blow his plans to atoms. [Enter Mrs. Geafton, C] mes. grafton. Blanche 1 BLANCHE. Yes, aunt MRS. GRAFTON. After your conduct last evening, I wish to repeat, that, hereaf- ter, Mr. Hearty must discontinue his visits. [Mrs. Grafton goes rings hell, during hrmness.] 74 Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. B L A N t! II E . Yes, aunt. [Aside.] This is rather too much. I believe I shall have to run away. [Unter Thomas, C] MRS. GEAFTON. Has Mr. Black arrived ? THOMAS. Yes, madam. MKS. GRAFTON. Tell him the German commences at one. Has Mr. Vandyke Brown finished laying the table ? THOMAS. Yes, madam. MRS. GRAFTON. Tell him, I shall be down in a moment. Is Mr. Harp here ? THOMAS. Yes, madam. MRS. GRAFTON. Ask him to come up. [Thomas ho^cs. Exit, C] Blanche, I de- sire you to remain here, to receive, during my absence, BLANCHE. Yes, aunt. [Mrs. Grafton, exit, C] For the present, I must submit ; her star is in the ascendant : when the bubble bursts, then — [Enter Thomas, C] THOMAS. Mr. Charles Hearty ! [Enter Charley, C. Exit Thomas, C] CHARLEY. Well, Blanche, how are you to-night? [Tries to ^iss Tier. Blanche draws bach] BLANCHE. No nonsense, Charley — to business ! Are you up in your part ? CHARLEY. Yes ; letter perfect. BLANCHE. Then all is prepared for the execution. [Enter Band, C. TuJm places by piano.] 75 Adv.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. n A E I. E Y . Come, Blanche, there is no one here. Let us have a waltz. BLANCHE. I agree. [Charley goes to piano.] CHARLEY, to LEADER. Will you be kind enough to play a waltz ? [Band plays waltz. Charley and Blanche dance. Enter Mrs. Grafton, C] MRS. GRAFTON. Blanche, what does this mean ? CHARLEY. Good evening, Mrs. Grafton. MRS, GRAFTON, Once for all. \_Enter Thomas, C] THOMAS. Mr. Herbert Vane. [Enter Vane, C, with hat. Exit Thomas, C. IVhistle outside.] MRS. GRAFTON. Ah, Herbert, [shaJce hands,] I am glad you have come so early. Helen is not quite ready ; she will be here. [Enter Helen, C] HELEN. I am here, mother. MRS. GRxVFTON. Now she can answer for herself. [Helen and Vane come down stage. During scene band plays softly, during lusiness.] blanche, aside, to Charley. We got off easily that time. CHARLEY, aside, to Blanche. We were mighty lucky ! VANE, aside, to Helen. How beautiful you look to-night ! [11e,i.v:ts hows coldly.] Why so cold? will you not grant me one kind look — a single smile ? HELEN, aside, to Vane. The heart smiles, sir; you bought the body. [Enter Thomas, C] 76 Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene J. THOMAS. Mr. Job Merryweather, Mr. Arthur Beaufort. [Bnter Job and Aethue, (7. I^xit Thomas, C] MES. GEAFTON. Good evening, Mr. Merryweather. [Job a7ul Mrs. Grafton shahe hands.] Mr. Beaufort, I am happy to see you. [Arthur iows to Mrs. Grafton, Helen, etc. Comes down stage, R E. Whistle outside.] job. Good evening. "Why, Helen, how handsome you look ! [Shal-e hands.] HELEN. Misery in gold, sir. JOB, to Blanche. Well, Blanche, is the case ready for trial ? I see the prisoner is in court. [Points to Vane.] BLANCHE. Would I were his judge ! JOB . Then he had better say his prayers at once. [Enter Thomas, C. Whistle outside.] THOMAS. Mr. and Mr^s. Smith. [Enter, C, Mr. and Mrs. Smith; ioic to Mrs. Grafton and Helen, during iusiness.] A E T H ir E , aside. Leave a dying child at home— to them the " Dance of death." [Whistle outside.] t H JI A s . Mr. Brown, Mr. Jones. [Enter, C, bow, etc.] A E T H u E , aside. In prosperity, friends •, in adversity, foes ! [ Whistle outside.] THOMAS. Mrs. and Miss Mary Sappy. [Enter, G., hoxo, etc.] A E T H tJ E , aside. Gluttony and Economy will be taken into supper at least ten times. [ Whittle outnde.] 77 Act F.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. \Scem I. THOMAS. Mr. Robinson. \Entcr C, hoics^ etcl ARTHUR, aside. A toadstool, very like a genuine mushroom ! [ Whistle out- side.'] THOMAS. Mr. and Mrs. Fidget, Miss Fidget. [Enter., (7., &oic, etc.l ARTHUR, aside. The Gull, the Buzzard and the Crow. [ Whistle outside.] THOMAS. Count Spousa. [Enter C, hows, etc.] ARTHUR, aside. Titled poverty in search of vulgar wealth. [ Whistle outside.] THOMAS. Mrs. Stupid, the Misses Stupid. [Ente?', (7., how, etc.] ARTHUR, aside. Seeking for the "goose with the golden egg." [Whistle out- side. Band plays two iars of the Lancers ; company form, dur- ing business. Ya-se puts hat on piano. Job goes to A-rtbtsh.] JOB . Well, Arthur, have you no partner ? ARTHUR. No, uncle ; "I don't lance." JOB . 0, come ! ask Miss Sappy. ARTHUR . I cannot get near enough. Look at those hoops ! JOB . You are incorrigible. I will dance myself. [Goes talces place — '■'■The Lancers.'''' After dance goes to Vane. During scene, Band plays slow music] JOB . Mr. Vane, allow me a word with you. 78 Jet v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. VANE. With much pleasure. [Both come down stage.] JOB . I am compelled to perform a painful duty. Pardon me ; but I must speak the truth. VANE. Well, sir ; go on. JOB. Mr. Vane, you are engaged to a woman whom you neither love nor are beloved by. VANE. Sir, I cannot recognize you riglit to interfere. JOB. I do it in kindness. I wish to give you one chance of escape — from exposure. I was present last night when you wagered that worthless check. VANE. Sir; your gray hairs alone protect you. JOB. My gray hairs, sir, can protect themselves. No more of this. I appeal to you as a man — resign this noble, loving woman ; do not immolate her on the " altar of your poverty." VANE. I will not resign her ! JOB. Then you have sealed your own fate ! VANE . I will hazard the die ! [Vane goes to Helen. Blanche and Charley go to Job.] blanche. Well, cousin, what is the verdict ? JOB. "Let the axe fall" blanche. Come. Charley, we must fire the train. 79 Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Scene I. CHARLEY. Then, farewell to all his dreams. [Exeunt Blanche and Charley, L. H. Band plays a March. Enter Blanche, L. H. Company form in couples. Mrs. Grafton and Job after com- pany ; Helen and Vane after them; Blanche and Arthur last. When all the company have left the stage^ C, Job tm-ns. Band exit, C] JOB. Stop, Catharine, do you remember your promise ? MRS. GRAFTON. I do. [Job rings lell. Enter Thomas, C] JOB, to Thomas. Is that gentleman still waiting ? THOMAS. Yes, sir. JOB. Show him up. [Exit Thomas, C, ushers in, C, Charley, dis- guised as a policeman, with false heard. Exit Thomas, C] JOB, to Charley. That is Mr. Vane. [Poi7its to Vane.] CHARLEY. Herbert Vane, I have a warrant against you ; I arrest you on a complaint, made by Charlotte Temple, for stealing a watch. vane. It is false ! It is a lie ! JOB. Is that false, also ? [Shows Vane letter.] Catharine, there is the proof. [Gives Mns. Grafton letter; she tal'esit.] MRS. GRAFTON. Herbert, I charge you, on your honour, is this accusation true ? T ANE. I confess it is. [Aside.] The game is lost. MRS. GRAFTON. Job, I redeem my promise. [Cuahlky pulls offleard, throws cap vp.] 80 Act v.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Sce7ie I. CHARLEY. Hurrah ! Blanche, we have won the game ! VANE. What does this masquerade mean ? JOB. It means, sir, that our plot, to convince my friend of your un- worthiness, has succeeded. It was done in this manner, to give you one last chance for reform ; receive it in that spirit. It is kno^Ti but to these few, and with them it will remain a secret. VANE. I thank you, sir, for this forbearance. JOB. Mr. Vane, I am an old man ; take my advice : It is " Never too late to mend." When you leave here, and re-embark on that treacherous ocean, (The World,) make honour your rudder, integrity your helmsman, truth your polar star ; then trim yoiu" sails by education, and, with faith at your masthead, you may stretch away over life's troubled waters boldly, self-reliantly. Lose honour, you are adrift upon an unknown sea, helpless and hopeless through all eternity. VANE. Accept my gratitude for your advice. I hope to profit by it. Had I received the education of a gentleman — not been taught from my infancy to consider myself one without it — I should not now be in this degrading position. [Vane bows, going aside.] " Boldness did not win the game." [Uxit, C] JOB. / Now, Catharine, finish the good work you have so well begun. Look on them. [Points to Helen and Arthur.] They are worthy of each other. Make them happy. MRS. GRAFTON. Job, I will. I acknowledge my error. I will atone for it. I 4* 81 AaV.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem I. looked through the veil of prejudice, with the eye of the world. Now, the hand of truth has rent the veil asunder. [Goes to Ar- thur.] Mr. Beaufort, my daughter loves you. [Arthur shrugs his shoulders.] It is true, she gave you up to fulfil a promise made to her dead father — more of that, hereafter. Take her. [Places Helen's hand in Arthur's.] She is worthy of you ; for if she prove as good a wife as she has been daughter, you have a treas- ure, indeed ! ARTHUR. Helen ! HELEN. Arthur! [They emirace.] ARTHUR. We will never part more. HELEN . Can you forgive me for the pain I have caused you i* A KTIIX' R. Forgive you ? A life of devotion shall be my atonement, for having ever doubted you. JOB, to Arthur. Well, my dear boy, have 1 conquered ? ARTHUR. Yes, uncle ; I banish forever my cynical philosophy ; it is un- substantial, foundationless — without, it is a palace ; within, a prison. CHARLEY , aside, to Blanche. * They have forgotten us. It seems so. Shall we run? blanche. OH ABLET . 82 Act v.] . WHEAT AND CHAFF. [Seem I. BLANCHE. Let US first try a little humiliation. [TTiey go to Mrs. Graf- ton.] Aunty, won't you give us your blessing? JOB. They have laboured well, Catharine ; they deserve their re- ward. MRS. GRAFTON. Blanche, I have been too severe with you. I see it now. I am sorry for it. BLANCHE. Never mind. The past is forgotten. We will bury the hatchet. MRS. GRAFTON. Take her, Mr Hearty. [Joi7is hands.] May she be as good a wife as you deserve. CHARLEY. Never fear ; I shall keep her in order. BLANCHE. Look out, or I will verify the old proverb ! JOB. AVhat proverb ? BLANCHE. That the "gray mare is the better horse !" JOB, to Mrs. Grafton. As for us, Catharine, we are too old to think of love, so we must be content to be happy in their happiness, and strive to guide their children safely, through the shoals, and rocks, on which we were wrecked. \_Entcr Bob, C] BOB. Excuse me, ladies ; Mr. Vane's hat. [Bob goes to piano, takes hat, during hisiness.] BLANCHE, aside. The tiger is unchained, but he is quite subdued. 83 Ad r.] WHEAT AND CHAFF. . [Scene Z BOB, aside. I'm ia at the death ! It's mighty jolly, I don't thhik ! My master's played out, and my iilace is "to let." So guess I'd better mosey. [Going.] So, mosey it is ! [Bows, exit G. Band enter, G. Whistle outside.] VOICE, outside. Mr. Vane's carriage. [Pause.] All right — drive on! JOB, comes dozen stage. Our plat is done, the wheat is thrashed : Garner it in tour hearts, blow the chaff awat. [Boies.] Band plays a Polka. Gompany dance in second Eoom. Tadleau. Curtain falls. FINIS. I Al '.r^ cc ccc«:e. cc. ^ ? C;C;^ ^ ^ cCC