Class 
 Book 
 
 ^X:S5i1 
 
 Copyright ]^°. 
 
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 COPYRIGHT DEPOSIT 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
Books by 
 ELIZABETH JORDAN 
 
 THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA. . net $1.35 
 
 TALES OF THE CLOISTER. Post 8vo, net 1.15 
 
 MAY IVERSON~HER BOOK. Post 8vo 1.50 
 
 MANY KINGDOMS. Illustrated. Post 8vo 1.50 
 
 TALES OF DESTINY. Post Bvo .... 1.50 
 
 HARPER & BROTHERS, PUBLISHERS, N. Y. 
 
THIS PLAY HAS BEEN COPYRIGHTED BY 
 THE AUTHOR, AND ALL THE REQUIREMENTS 
 OF THE COPYRIGHT LAW HAVE BEEN MET. 
 NO PERFORMANCE OF IT MAY BE GIVEN 
 EXCEPT UNDER THE DIRECTION OF THE 
 MANAGER WHO OWNS THE ACTING RIGHTS 
 
 ^O, 
 
 
 ^U, 
 
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 <N^^ 
 
 COPYRIGHT, 1911. BY ELIZABETH JORDAN 
 
 PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA 
 PUBLISHED NOVEMBER. 1911 
 
 ^CI,D 25767 
 
TO 
 
 R 
 
THE CHARACTERS 
 
 Miss Ruth Herrick, Editor of The Woman's Friend 
 
 "Tim," her office-boy 
 
 Miss Virginia Jefferson, an authority on EngHsh speech 
 
 Mrs. Rutherford Dean, a social arbiter 
 
 Colonel Arthur Belden, U, S. A., Retired. Uncle of 
 Ruth Herrick 
 
 Freddy Belden, son of Colonel Belden 
 
 Clarice Mulholland, a "beauty speciahst," with aspi- 
 rations toward the higher life 
 
 Birdie Smith, a hair-dresser, well satisfied with life on 
 this plane 
 
 A Temperamental Lady in an Electric Bath 
 
 Mrs. Herbert Gordon, interested in politics 
 
 Mr. Joel Dixon, millionaire and newly elected Senator 
 from Oklahoma 
 
 Mrs. Joel Dixon, his wife, a lady in search of culture 
 
 *Miss Carrie Jones, a manicure with "experiences" 
 
 * A Silent Manicure 
 
 * Annie, Mrs. Dixon's maid 
 
 Time: — The present 
 
 * Characters added since the original production at the 
 
 Apollo Theatre, Atlantic City, May 15, 191 1. 
 
THE SCENES 
 
 ACT I 
 
 The Office of the Editor of "The fVomans Friend.'* April 
 
 ACT II 
 
 Madam O'Reilly s Beauty Parlors, Fifth Avenue, New York. 
 Five Days Later 
 
 ACT III 
 
 The Same as Act I. June 
 
 ACT IV 
 
 Mrs. Dixon's Home in New York. October 
 
ACT I 
 
THE LADY FROM 
 OKLAHOMA 
 
 ACT I 
 
 Scene : — The curtain rises on the private office of Miss 
 Ruth Herrick, editor of " The Woman s Friend.^' 
 Miss Herrick is discovered seated at a large 
 writing-desk^ editing manuscripts for the composing- 
 room. She is a handsome woman of thirty, ex- 
 tremely well dressed in tailor-made clothes. She 
 has a quiet force and tuell-bred self-possession which 
 nothing can disturb. Her desk reveals a mass 
 of manuscripts, proofs, photographs, drawings, 
 and the like. The office is lighted by two windows 
 in the rear, looking out over the roofs and steeples of 
 adjacent buildings. There is a rug on the floor; 
 three chairs (two near the desk), seem a concession 
 rather than an encouragement to visitors. An office- 
 [3] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 table, covered with magazines and hooks , stands by 
 the windows. A screen is near it, and the third chair 
 is beside it. A settee is against the wall. There are 
 three doors, one (right^ leading into the outer edito- 
 rial office, another (left) leading to the inner office, 
 the third (up, left) opening on a corridor. Miss 
 Herri ck stops reading, glances at her watch, and 
 rings a bell on her desk. Tim enters. He is a very 
 small boy, with red hair, freckles, and an extremely 
 alert expression. He leaves the door open, and the 
 outer editorial office is seen, with figures moving 
 about. The clatter of typewriters in violent action 
 can be distinctly heard. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Tim, I have two appointments this afternoon: 
 
 (She consults a memorandum.) 
 
 One with Miss Clarice Mulholland, at three; the 
 
 other with Mrs. Herbert Gordon, at quarter past 
 
 three. 
 
 Tim 
 Yes'm. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 If either stays more than ten minutes come and say 
 I'm wanted immediately, up in the composing-room. 
 
 [4] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Tim 
 Yes'm. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 This is my busy day. I have no time to listen to the 
 sad story of anybody's life. Do you understand .? 
 (She resumes the work of editing manuscripts.^ 
 
 Tim 
 
 Yes 'm; I'll get rid of them mighty quick. Miss 
 
 Mulholland's waitin' now. 
 
 (He starts for the door, then returns^ 
 
 Say, Miss Herrick, I dreamed of you last night! 
 
 (Absently.) 
 Did you ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Tim 
 
 Yes 'm. I dreamed you an' me was down at Coney 
 Island, shootin' the chutes. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Smiling over her work.) 
 
 Why, Tim, what a beautiful dream! But it must not 
 
 [5] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 make us forget the stern realities of life. Ask Miss 
 Mulholland to come in. 
 
 (Tim leaves the room. Miss Mulholland enters, with 
 a careful imitation of the fashionable walk of the 
 moment. She is a very blond, very "stylish," very 
 self-assured young person of nineteen. She wears 
 an elaborate princess gown, a huge hat, and carries 
 a small hand-bag on which her initials appear in 
 large gold-plate letters. Miss Herri ck rises to greet 
 her, and Miss Mulholland bows and sinks into a 
 chair without waiting to be asked. Miss Herrick 
 resumes her seat.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Languidly.) 
 
 How do, Miss Herrick. Mebbe you don*t remember 
 me. Fm one of Madam O'Reilly's young ladies, up 
 in her beauty parlors. I done your complexion often 
 last winter. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Without enthusiasm.) 
 
 I remember you perfectly. Miss Mulholland. 
 
 [6] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (More languidly.^ 
 You ain't been comin' to us lately, have you ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 No, I've been going to a little woman who needs all 
 the customers she can get. A few more or less 
 don't count with Madam O'Reilly. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Roused into professional interest.^ 
 We missed you, all right. On'y the other day Madam 
 says to me, "I wonder what's become o'Miss Herrick. 
 She ain't been in for months." I says, "Mebbe she's 
 dead," I says, just like that. An' I wish you could 'a' 
 seen Madam glare at me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Not dead; only gone — before you people got all my 
 money. I spent most of my salary in Madam 
 O'Reilly's beauty parlors last year. She didn't make 
 me a vision of loveliness, either. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Oh, you ain't so bad ! But you could make lots more 
 of your looks than you do. 
 
 [7] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (She rises, stands off, and studies Miss Herrick, with 
 her head on one side, lost in the artist's interest.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Carelessly.) 
 
 As an expert, Miss Mulholland, what changes in me 
 would you advise ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Well, for one thing, you look sort of high-browed. 
 You're intelligent, an' you show it! Believe me, 
 nothin' scares men so much. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (^Laughing.) 
 You alarm me! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Kindly.) 
 
 Don't worry about it. Some little curls would make 
 you look more clingin'. Wear jabots, too. There's 
 nothin' like lace at the neck to make a woman seem 
 kind o' tender and helpless. Linen collars is too 
 independent. 
 
 (She walks around to Miss Herrick' s left and studies 
 her from that point.) 
 
 [8] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Smiling.) 
 
 Thank you, I'll remember that. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Growing enthustasttc.) 
 
 Why, if I had you three months I could make a 
 perfessional beauty of you. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You flatter me. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 No, I don't. 'Tain't your looks. It's my job. I 
 could do it to most any one. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 "Get thee behind me!" You can't paint this lily. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Oh, I wouldn't paint you! But if I got behind you 
 I'd change your hair mighty quick. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What's wrong with my hair .? 
 
 [9] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 It's all wrong. Madam O'Reilly's got a dandy new 
 style this spring — the Sappho Knot. It ain't so stiff" 
 as the Psyche Knot, and it's terrible classy. Come 
 up an' try it! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Oh yes, I'll try it sometime. But I'm very busy just 
 now — 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Recalled abruptly to the object of her visit.) 
 Course you're busy. Don't I know ? Us profes- 
 sional ladies understands each other. 
 (She sits down, leans her elbows on Miss Herrick's 
 desk, scattering the papers right and lefty and con- 
 tinues, confidentially^ 
 That's why I come to see you. Listen, Miss Her- 
 rick. I'm tired of my job. Bein' a beauty specialist 
 ain't really a job. It's a kind of a new disease! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Why, you've just been discussing it like an inspired 
 genius, I thought you loved your work. 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Loved it ! Say, ain't you careless with words ? Listen ! 
 This is what I do! I steam women's faces, an' I 
 make up their eyebrows, an' I treat their com- 
 plexions, an' I give 'em electric baths. Could I love 
 that ? It's women, women, women from mornin' 
 till night. An' they all want to look better than the 
 Lord ever meant them to. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 That sounds interesting. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 I had just one interestin' patient last year. She come 
 
 to me an' she says: "I'm a chromo an' I know it. 
 
 Make me into a picture." 
 
 (Impressively^ 
 
 She left it all to me, an' I done it. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Successfully 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Well, I guess ! When I got through, her own husband 
 didn't know her. So she divorced him an' married 
 a man with two millions. 
 
 [II] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You have proved your case. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 But the work's gettin' on my nerves. The doctor 
 says I got an awful delicate organization. An' 
 lemme tell you somethin'. 
 
 Tim 
 (Entering!) 
 
 There's a lady here that's wrote her first story, Miss 
 Herrick. She says will you take it, or will she give 
 some other magazine the chanct. Will / give her 
 some advice ^. 
 
 You.? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Tim 
 
 I can do It! 
 
 (Earnestly.) 
 
 I know what you always say to beginners. I know 
 
 it by heart! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Giggling.) 
 Say, Miss Herrick, that's one on you. Ain't he cute ? 
 
 [I2l 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (To Tim.) 
 
 You'll be an editor yourself some day if you don't 
 
 watch out. 
 
 Tim 
 Not much! I'm goin' to invent air-ships. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Ask the lady to leave her story. We will read it, and 
 write her about it. 
 
 (Exit Tim. Miss Mulholland draws a long breath, 
 and Miss Herrick, realizing that the flood-gates are 
 open, leans hack in her chair to listeti.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 I might stand the women. Fm rid of them when the 
 
 shop closes. But there's the men . That's another 
 
 story ! 
 
 (She pauses eloquently.) 
 
 Closin'-up time at the shop is just the beginnin' of 
 
 the day for them, an' it don't take 'em long to get 
 
 busy! I give you my word, Miss Herrick, Fm that 
 
 pursued Fm desprit. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Dear me ! Are they all villains ? Isn't there an honest 
 village lad among them "^ 
 
 [13] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 There ain't no honest village lads nowhere, nowa- 
 days, except in story-books. An' you needn't laugh. 
 I guess you'd be serious enough if it was you they 
 was runnin' after. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I beg your pardon. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Gloomily.) 
 
 I don't know what it is about me that catches 'em, 
 but I got somethin' men can't get past. Mebbe it's 
 magnetism. Mr. Freddy Belden says it's reely me 
 soul he admires. I shut his power off quick. He's 
 the dangerous kind, that talks about needin' a good 
 woman's influence? 
 (She rises and paces the floor.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Freddy Belden is my cousin. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Turning to look at her.) 
 
 Oh, I didn't know. Ain't life the picture-puzzle! 
 Every little while you got to fit in a new piece. Well, 
 no harm done. I ain't told you all I think about him. 
 
 [14] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Tell me now. His mother was a mother to me, too. 
 She died ten years ago. I'm trying to take her 
 place with Freddy, but Fm afraid Fm not doing it 
 very well. 
 (Seriously.^ 
 Miss Mulholland, is Freddy up to any mischief.? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Not a bit! He's just young an' happy. He'd flirt 
 with a suffrage parade if it passed his way — but 
 he's all right. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Fm glad to hear that. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 He's got too much time and money, though. And 
 he comes to Madam O'Reilly's manicure parlors too 
 much. Keep him away. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I will try to. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Fll help you if I can. Thanks to him, an' others like 
 
 [15] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 him, folks is beginnin' to talk about me. What can 
 I do ? It ain't my fault. Freddy Belden himself 
 says my character's a virgin page. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I didn't realize that matters were so serious. But 
 how can / help you ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Listen. You c'n help me get some differ'nt work. 
 Every one says you're kind to folks. I want to get 
 out of the beauty business. I want to get into some- 
 thin' higher, where men lets women 3.h-so-lute-ly 
 alone. 
 
 Tim 
 
 (^Entering briskly.) 
 
 Lady out there says she's read The Woman s Friend 
 for twenty-five years, Miss Herrick, an' she wants to 
 come in an' kiss you. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What? 
 
 Tim 
 
 'Cause you're the editor. Will I let her ? 
 
 [i6] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Giggling.) 
 My, you got your troubles, too, ain't you ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Heavens, another ! I wish their loyalty to the maga- 
 zine wouldn't take that form. 
 (Hopefully, to Tim.) 
 Couldn't you — • 
 
 Tim 
 (Interrupting her.) 
 Couldn't I ? Sure I could ! 
 (Earnestly.) 
 I'd just as lief. 
 (He starts with alacrity.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Sternly.) 
 Tim, that is not what I meant ! How old are you ? 
 
 Tim 
 (Turning hack.) 
 Fourteen. 
 (Eagerly.) 
 But I'm growin' awful fast. 
 
 [17] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Yes, rm beginning to think you're growing too fast 
 for this office. Ask the lady to wait. 
 (Exit Tim.) 
 
 Miss MULHOLLAND 
 
 (Gloomily.) 
 
 I kin see his finish right now. He's goin' to be like 
 
 the rest of 'em. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 We must try to keep him in the straight and narrow 
 path. But about you. Is there any other work you 
 have a liking for .? 
 
 Miss MuLHOLLAND 
 
 I'd like to write stories, if I could get a place to do it 
 reg'lar. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Feebly.) 
 Oh! 
 
 Miss MuLHOLLAND 
 
 (Firmly.) 
 
 I know I could do it, an' do it good. None of us 
 girls at Madam O'Reilly's reads the stories in the 
 
 [i8] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 magazines. They ain't interestin'. If I wrote 'em 
 they would be. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (^M ore feebly.) 
 Oh, but — 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 I know what girls wants. I wrote a story to show 
 you. It's a dandy. It's called "Marie, the Mag- 
 netic Manicure; or, Her Duty was Her Doom." 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 It has a stirring title. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Most of what's in it happened to me. Believe me, 
 
 I could tell you things — 
 
 (^j- she talks she fumbles in the hand-bag and pro- 
 duces a manuscript written on both sides and tied 
 with pink ribbon. She hands it to Miss Herrick^ 
 who turns over the pages with raised eyebrows.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I will read the story, Miss Mulholland, and we will 
 talk about it later. Perhaps you're right in looking 
 
 [19] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 for other work, but I'm not sure your best field 
 
 would be literature. 
 
 (Thoughtfully.^ 
 
 Do you think you could fill a position as typewriter ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Lead me to it, I used to be a typewriter before I 
 was a beauty specialist. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 There may be an opening here in a month or two. I 
 will keep you in mind. 
 (She rises.^ 
 
 Good-by. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Eagerly^ 
 
 Miss Herrick, lemme read some of my story to you. 
 It's terrible sad. I read it to five of the girls last 
 night, an' they cried till the landlady come up-stairs 
 to see what pipe had burst. 
 (She goes to the desk and recovers her literary treasure.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Really, Miss Mulholland, Fm afraid I haven't time — 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Unrolling the manuscript.^ 
 Listen. 
 
 [20] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Miss Herrick sits down, with a gesture of resignation. 
 
 Miss Mulholland reads-) 
 "Marie/' cried Harold Vandernecker, "I love you 
 with a love that is my doom. Before yon sun sets 
 in the blood-red eastern sky you shall be my wife!" 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Wasn't that rather sudden ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Complacently.) 
 
 It wasn't too sudden for Marie. That's what girls 
 wants. Most stories ends with marriage. Mine 
 begins with marriage. That's what makes it so sad. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Why do you have your sun set in the eastern sky ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Seizing a pencil.) 
 
 That's so. It ain't right. Well, it's new, anyway. 
 (At this reassuring thought she leaves the sentence 
 unchanged.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What happened next ? 
 
 [21] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Triumphantly .^ 
 
 You want to know, don't you ? Interesting ain't it ? 
 Listen. 
 (She reads i) 
 
 Without another word he c-r-ushed her to his 
 breast. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Harold was impulsive. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Marie liked it. They all do. That's what girls 
 wants. Now lemme read you what comes afterwards. 
 They both get mur-r-dered on their weddin' day by 
 Harold's rival. 
 
 Tim 
 
 (Entering^ 
 
 They want you in the composin'-room, Miss Herrick. 
 Immediately. The lady that wanted to kiss you has 
 went away. Mr. Freddy Belden's out there. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Will you excuse me, Miss Mulholland .? 
 
 [22] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Why, certainly. I'll wait. 
 
 (Enthusiastically.^ 
 
 I've just thought of a grand new end for my story. 
 
 I'll put it in right now. 
 
 {She goes to the table, sits down near the screen, and 
 enters upon the agonies of composition. Miss 
 Herrick looks after her in despair. During the 
 scene that follows between Freddy and Miss Herrick, 
 Miss Mulholland tears up pages, breaks pencils, 
 thrusts her hands into her hair, and gives other 
 pantomimic evidence of the fine frenzy attending the 
 birth of a great literary idea.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Show Mr. Belden in, Tim. 
 
 (Tim goes out.) 
 
 {Freddy Belden enters. He is a blond, immaculate 
 youth of twenty, extremely well dressed. He bustles 
 up to Ruth Herrick, with air of great importance, 
 and as he talks to her he pulls numerous packages 
 of manuscript from all his pockets.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Breezily, not seeing Miss Mulholland.) 
 How d'you do, Ruth ! I've been out on the anxious 
 
 [23] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 bench ten minutes, beating people away from your 
 door. They hated to go. They have stories to read 
 to you, pictures to show to you, and poems to sell to 
 you. But I got rid of them! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Freddy, how can you be so absurd ? Why didn't 
 you let them wait ? 
 
 Freddy 
 Why should they wait .? I don't like to boast, but I 
 uplifted those people more in that short time than 
 you and The Woman's Friend could lift 'em in 
 twenty years. Then I sent them home. What more 
 could they want .? Here are their manuscripts. 
 (He drops them on her desk.) 
 Read them at your leisure. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (^Regarding the pile apprehensively .) 
 Thank you. Run away now. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Not till I've done my bit. One woman made me 
 her agent. She has submitted this novel for serial 
 publication. She says it weighs two pounds. 
 
 [24] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (He balances a large bundle of book manuscript on his 
 hand.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You made that up! 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Not L She told me the whole plot. The story 
 begins fifty years ago, and works by slow stages up 
 to the present time. The he'roipe was born — 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (^Seriously.) •^ 
 
 Really, Freddy, you must go. Don't you see Fm 
 engaged ^ 
 
 Miss MULHOLLAND 
 
 (^Emerging from behind the screen, and reading her 
 
 manuscript as she comes.) 
 "With a blood-curd-ling yell he hurled the beau-ti- 
 ful girl into the black and bot-tom-less a-byss." 
 Say, Miss Herrick, will readers know Marie is dead 
 then ? Or must I write that, too } 
 {She sees Freddy, who, having recognized her with 
 
 some embarrassment, is stealthily creeping toward 
 [25] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 the door. She drops her manuscript on Miss 
 Herrick's desk and greets him coyly. ^ 
 How d'ye do, Mr. Belden ? 
 
 Freddy 
 Why — how do you do ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 {Coldly.) 
 
 My, you don't seem very glad to see me. 
 (To Miss Herrick.) 
 
 An* only Thursday evenin* he asked me out to 
 dinner! 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {More embarrassed.) 
 
 You wouldn't go, would you .? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Darkly.) 
 
 No, I wouldn't go. But I rode on top of the Fifth 
 Avenue 'bus with you, an' you said you couldn't tell 
 my hair from the moonlight. Have you forgot that .? 
 (She exchanges a significant look with Miss Herrick. 
 Both are amused, but their faces sober before Freddy 
 observes them.) 
 
 [26] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 {Desperately.) 
 
 You have so many admirers! Perhaps you're think- 
 ing of some one else. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Oh, I am, am I ? 
 (To Miss Herrtck?) 
 
 Will you listen to him. An' him in the manicure 
 parlors every day for the last two weeks. It's a 
 wonder he's got any nails left. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Laughing nervously.^ 
 
 Oh, come now. 
 
 (Recovering himself and trying to make the best of it.) 
 
 I was getting a rise out of you. You're the fairest 
 
 flower in the garden of life. 
 
 (Sentimentally.) 
 
 How can I help looking at you over the fence .? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Admiringly.) 
 
 Ain't you the limit, Mr. Belden ! 
 (She turns to Miss Herrick.) 
 
 There ain't really no harm in him. That's what 
 
 [27] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Madam O'Reilly always says. We can't keep Mr. 
 Belden out of the manicure parlors, she says; but he 
 don't count. He's innocent as a kitten. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Furiously.^ 
 
 A kitten! I like that! Confound Madam O'Reilly. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Sweetly.^ 
 
 That ain't the way you talk to her. 
 (To Miss Herricky with another significant glance^ 
 If you could hear the things he says to us girls. Only 
 yesterday he told Birdie Smith he couldn't tell her 
 face from a pink rose. 
 
 Freddy 
 Say, hold on ! Of course I was fooling. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Giggling.) 
 
 All right. I'll tell Birdie that. He's afraid of you, 
 ain't he, Miss Herrick ? I'm glad there's some one 
 he's afraid of. You ought 'a' heard him tell Madam 
 O'Reilly last Monday that the bloom on her cheeks 
 was like the bloom on a purple grape. 
 
 [28] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Throwing himself into a chair and clutching his 
 
 head in both hands.) 
 Miss Mulholland, this — is — not — fair. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Unheedingly.) 
 
 An' the things he says to me! He told me one day 
 he had to look twice to tell me from a modest violet. 
 An' then he wasn't sure till I talked. 
 
 Freddy 
 (Bitterly.) 
 
 I can tell you from a violet to-day, all right. Do 
 you always repeat all you know .? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 All I know .? Mercy, I ain't got started. Don't you 
 dare me. 
 
 (Tim Enters.) 
 
 Tim 
 
 This lady wants to come right in. Miss Herrick. 
 
 (He hands Miss Herrick a card. She drops it on 
 her desk.) 
 
 [29] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Elegantly.) 
 
 Then I won't detain you any longer. Besides, 
 Madam expects me back at four. Good-bye, Miss 
 Herrick. Good-bye, Mr. Belden. Pleased to meet 
 you any time. 
 
 (Freddy bows coldly. She starts for the door, and 
 suddenly returns.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 I got to have a good salary, Miss Herrick, if I make 
 a change. I'm gettin' twenty a week now, countin* 
 extras. I couldn't come for less. 
 (Miss Herrick nods and smiles. Miss Mulholland 
 starts again, almost colliding with Tim.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Drawing herself up and regarding him disap- 
 provingly.) 
 Say, boy, ain't there room for us both on this earth .? 
 (Exit Miss Mulholland?) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 That episode should be a lesson to you, Freddy, if 
 anything can be. She meant it so, too. She's rather 
 a good sort, that girl. 
 
 [30] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 She talks too much. 
 
 (^Sulkily.) 
 
 She'd make a fine phonograph — if one could turn her 
 
 off sometimes. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 She has certainly given us a clear record of your 
 
 diversions. 
 
 (^Freddy plunges his hands into his pockets, walks to 
 the window and gazes resentfully before him. Tim, 
 who has been awaiting his chance, thrusts the card 
 before Miss Herrick. She ignores it. He pushes 
 it forward insinuatingly.^ 
 
 Tim 
 
 This lady can't wait a minute. She says 't'ain't 
 business, an' she ain't got no appointment. But it's 
 awful important, she says, an' she's come all the way 
 from Oklahoma to see you. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Doubtfully.^ 
 
 I'm afraid she must wait. I'm expecting Mrs. 
 
 [31] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Gordon in a few minutes, and she has an appoint- 
 ment. 
 
 (She reads the name on the card.) 
 Mrs. Joel Dixon. Perhaps I can finish with her 
 before Mrs. Gordon comes. 
 (With sudden decision.) 
 Show her in. 
 
 (Tim goes out, and returns immediately, ushering 
 Mrs. Joel Dixon from the outer ofice. Mrs. Dixon 
 is a little woman of thirty-eight, with gray eyes, an 
 exquisite, sad face, and garments wholly lacking fit 
 and fashion. She has no figure, no carriage, no 
 manner, hut she has unusual magnetism and a 
 subtle charm. Miss Herrick rises to greet her, 
 hows, and motions to a chair. They sit down. 
 Freddy stands as hefore, sulking and hiting his lip. 
 Tim remains also, husying himself with the ar- 
 rangement of hooks and magazines on the table.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Are you Miss Herrick I The editor of The Woman's 
 Friend? I got to be sure before I say another word. 
 My business is private. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Yes. 
 
 [32] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (To Freddy?) 
 
 Freddy, go into the inner office for five minutes. 
 
 Later I want a serious talk with you. 
 
 Freddy 
 Can't it wait till fall ? Fm awfully busy now. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Five minutes. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 ril wait. But I don't want to! 
 (He goes into the inner office.') 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Leaning forward confidentially.^ 
 
 Fm one of your constant readers. I saw in your 
 
 magazine how many women write to you, and what 
 
 good advice you give 'em. So when I had to have 
 
 advice I says to myself, "She knows everything. 
 
 She'll help me. Fd ruther go to her than to anybody 
 
 else." 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (With perfunctory courtesy.") 
 Thank you. I will be glad to help you if I can. 
 3 [33] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I just felt you would. I come all the way from 
 Oklahoma to talk to you. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 That sounds rather serious! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Nodding.') 
 
 It is serious. It's just this. Miss Herrick, I'm a 
 woman that don't know a thing. I got to know 
 everything, an' I got to know it quick. How will I 
 begin .? 
 
 (Miss Herrick raises her eyebrows, smiles, and leans 
 hack in her chair, studying the speaker^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Crisply) 
 
 Tell me a little more. I don't understand. Of 
 course I can't advise you till I do. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 It's this way. Me an' my husband was poor. Now 
 we're rich. While we lived in little places we was all 
 right. Nobody minded our mistakes. But every- 
 thing is different this year. 
 
 [34] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 In what way ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 My husband went into politics a few years ago, and 
 last fall he was elected Senator from Oklahoma. I 
 didn't come East last winter, but I want to go to 
 Washington with him next November, and live there. 
 
 Miss HERRfcK 
 I see. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I have to make myself all over before I go to Wash- 
 ington. I ain't got but seven months to do it in. I 
 can't afford to lose a minute. What must I do .? I 
 have the money. That's all I have. 
 (Miss Herrick slowly nods her head and smiles assur- 
 
 ingly. When she speaks her voice shows merely a 
 
 courteous, impersonal interest.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I understand now. You want to study, and develop, 
 and all that. You mustn't hope to do everything at 
 once. It's not an affair of weeks or months. You 
 can make a good start — 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon drops her arms on the desk and thrusts 
 forward a face transfigured by excitement.^ 
 [35] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I tell you, I got to do it in seven months. That's why 
 I traveled two thousand miles for this talk. Don't 
 I know I could read an' study an' work if I had years .? 
 Would I need to bother you if I had ^. It's got to be 
 done before November, Everything depends on it. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Everything ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Desperately^ 
 
 Yes, everything. My home depends on it. Miss 
 Herrick — my husband depends on it. He's gettin' 
 ashamed of me. I got to keep up with him. I got 
 to be difFferent. / got to have culture. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Slowly.^ 
 You mean — 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon nods. She tries to speak and cannot. 
 She fumbles vaguely in her pocket for her handker- 
 chief.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Suddenly realizing Tirns presence.^ 
 You may go, Tim. 
 (Tim goes out.) 
 
 [36] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 My husband thinks I don't know nothin*. An' I 
 don't. That's what makes it hurt. He says I ain't 
 got manners for society — an' that's true, too. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 How about him? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 He's read about women that makes mistakes an' gets 
 laughed at, an' hurts their husbands' careers. He 
 says men get along somehow, but women makes the 
 trouble. He thinks I oughta stay home. But I 
 can't. We ain't got no children, an' I'd die away 
 from Joe. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I think we can help you, Mrs. Dixon, but — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Let me tell you all of it. There's — 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Another woman, I suppose. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes, in Washington. He met her last winter. She's 
 got education an' culture. At first he wrote about her 
 
 [37] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 every week, quotin' her and admirin' her. Now he 
 don't mention her name, but I can see he's thinkin' 
 about her the hull time. You know, when a man 
 stops talkin an' begins to look glum, it's time to set 
 up an' take notice! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Is she young.'' 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes, an' good-lookin'. I saw her picture in a news- 
 paper once. Oh, she's got everything I ain't got. 
 An' she's gettin' Joe, if she ain't got him already. 
 (She takes her handkerchief out of her hand-hag and 
 wipes her eyes.^ 
 
 Tim 
 (Entering.^ 
 
 They want you in the composin'-room. Miss Herrick. 
 Immediately. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Very well, Tim. 
 (Exit Tim.) 
 
 Freddy 
 (Entering.) 
 
 The five minutes are up, Ruth. I have an appoint- 
 ment at half-past three. 
 
 [3S] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 One moment, Freddy. 
 (She turns to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon, this is my cousin, Frederick Belden — 
 an infant I have brought up at my knee, and across 
 it. 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon rises aud hows quaintly. Freddy shakes 
 hands with her.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 See those manuscripts, Ruth .? I forgot to speak 
 
 about them. 
 
 (He points to the first packages he dropped on her 
 desk. Mrs. Dixon watches him, at first dully and 
 then with real interest in the scene which is new and 
 strange to her.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Good heavens! What a collection! 
 
 Freddy 
 Those are the efforts of a maiden lady who wrote you 
 last year, asking your advice about doing literary 
 worko You told her to try. Here's the result. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 She never did all that in one year! 
 
 [39] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Running over the manuscripts.') 
 
 It's the output of a lifetime blameless but for this. 
 
 {He opens them and reads the titles.) 
 
 One short story; one description of her first visit to 
 
 St. Peter's; one essay on the affectionate nature of 
 
 Elizabeth Barrett Browning; thirteen poems — 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Taking several manuscripts from him and glancing 
 
 over them.) 
 This sort of thing would drive me mad if now and 
 then we didn't get something really fine. 
 (She throws down the manuscripts and takes up the 
 
 manuscript she has been editing.) 
 This, for instance. It's from an unknown writer, 
 but it's the best story I've read for months. It goes 
 into the next number. By the way, I must rush 
 it through. 
 (She jots a few words on the corner of the first page.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Reading what she has written.) 
 
 "O. K. R. H. Rush." What's the meaning of 
 
 those mystic symbols .? 
 
 [40] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 It means that this story must be put into type in the 
 
 shortest possible time. 
 
 (^She rings for Tim, who enters.^ 
 
 The foreman of the composing-room will put a dozen 
 
 men on it, and in a few minutes it will be ready to 
 
 jam into the next number. 
 
 (She gives it to Tim, who crosses to the tube, puts it 
 into a pneumatic cartridge, and shoots it up through 
 the ceiling. Then he leaves the room.^ 
 
 Mrs, Dixon 
 My! Ain't that remarkable! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (To Freddy.^ 
 
 How did you get rid of your aspiring author ? 
 
 Freddy 
 Oh, I accepted all her manuscripts. I told her you'd 
 get out a special number of The Woman s Friend 
 containing nothing but her work. It's a great 
 scheme. She said she would buy a hundred copies. 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 Watch me. 
 (He wets a pencil in his mouth, writes in the corner 
 
 of one of the manuscripts, and starts to shoot it up 
 
 the tube.) 
 
 [41] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Intercepting him and reading what he has written^ 
 "O. K. Freddy. P. D. Q." 
 (^She laughs and throws the manuscript on her desk!) 
 
 Freddy 
 (Disconsolately?) 
 I wanted to rush things, too. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Admiringly.) 
 
 When you shoot it up the tube does it go right into 
 the magazine, just Hke that ? My, I never thought it 
 was so easy to be an editor. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Smiling.) 
 
 No, Mrs. Dixon. First it is set — that is, put into 
 type. Then the galley proof comes down. After 
 that they have to make it into pages — and do a lot 
 of things. Later you will see what happens. 
 (7*0 Freddy.) 
 
 Now, Freddy, run home. We'll have that talk some 
 other time. 
 
 Freddy 
 I wasn't going to stay, anyway. Fm too busy. 
 Good-bye. Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 [42] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (He opens the door, goes out, then suddenly thrusts 
 
 his head in.) 
 Ruth, do you want to know why I really came here 
 to-day ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (^Cheerfully.) 
 Just love for me! 
 
 Freddy 
 
 That was it. And something else. 
 
 (Coaxingly.) 
 
 Won't you ask father to increase my allowance to five 
 
 thousand plunks ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I will not. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 The cost of living in New York is awful ! Think it 
 
 over. 
 
 (Exit Freddy. Miss Herrick returns to her desk.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 He's a nice boy. I wish I had one like him. You 
 get every kind here, don't you ^ I don't know what 
 
 [43] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 head I come under. But I can see pretty plain that 
 you got about all you can handle. There ain't any 
 reason why you should put yourself out for me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Absently, glancing over the new manuscripts^ 
 We're glad to do anything we can for our readers, 
 of course. It's part of our work. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Wait a minute. I want to make things plainer to 
 you. If I went blind as I stood here, you'd see that 
 I got home all right, wouldn't you .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Laying down the manuscripts.) 
 I certainly would. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 If I dropped dyin' here at your feet, you'd get me to 
 the hospital, wouldn't you } You'd stand by till 
 some one came ^. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I would, indeed. 
 
 [44] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Of course you would. You'd think that was a 
 des'pret case. Miss Herrick, I want you to know 
 Tm worse off than that. Death would end things. 
 So would blindness. But I got to live, and see, and 
 suffer. Fm des'pret! I'm reachin' out to you in 
 the blackest hours of my life ! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 {Leaning forward.^ 
 Tell me exactly what you want to do. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I want to get culture. I want to get my husband 
 away from that woman. I want to be fit for the 
 place he's made for us both. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 And all in seven months! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I can do it, if you help. That ain't just an idea of 
 mine. It's one of the strongest feelin's I ever had 
 in my life. Oh, help me. Miss Herrick! Help me! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (After a pregnant pause.) 
 
 I will! Here's my hand on it. I believe you will 
 
 [45] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 win out. I'll back you from start to finish. Re- 
 member, you cannot get an education in seven 
 months, but you can make a very good beginning. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Oh, bless you! 
 (She takes the hand in both hers, and holds it to her 
 
 breast, momentarily overcome. Then, eagerly:^ 
 When will I begin .? What will I do first ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Can you stay in New York all the time, from now 
 until November ? And work every minute \ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I can. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (With swift decision.^ 
 
 We'll start to-day. I'll turn you over to a corps of 
 dressmakers, beauty specialists, masseurs, and eti- 
 quette authorities. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 What for? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You must learn to dress well, look well, act well. 
 That's the first part, and the easiest. You must 
 
 [46] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 study, too, day and night. I repeat — you won't 
 know much at the end of seven months. But you 
 can be so changed in looks and manner that your 
 husband will think you do. Does he know about 
 your ambitions .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 No. I'll make myself over first. I've got plenty of 
 money. He give me five thousand dollars when I 
 left home, and said to send for more if I need it. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Does he know where you are ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 He thinks I'm travelin'. He's in Washington. He 
 said I could go to Europe if I wanted to. 
 (Miss Herrick rings her hell. Tim er^ters.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Tim, bring me the telephone-book. 
 (Exit Tim.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Decidedly.) 
 First of all, I will get Mrs. Rutherford Dean to take 
 
 [47] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 you in hand. She's a friend of mine, and of my 
 uncle, Colonel Belden. She has an excellent social 
 position, but no money. She will come and live 
 with you, or take you in with her. You must pay 
 well, but it's worth it. She'll make you work. 
 She'll put you through your paces twenty-four hours 
 a day! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'll work forty-eight hours a day if she wants me to. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 For beauty treatment I'll take you up to Madam 
 O'Reilly's and give Miss Clarice Mulholland carte 
 blanche. She will like that. 
 
 Mrs; Dixon 
 Wouldn't she like cash better ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 She will demand both. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I wish there was some way I could pay you. 
 (Miss Herrick checks her with a quick gesture.^ 
 
 [48] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You can never pay me. That must be understood. 
 (Smiling.^ 
 
 Of course I expect you to say a good word for The 
 Woman s Friend whenever you can. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 ril take the stump for it! I'll give it as a Christmas 
 present to every woman in Oklahoma ! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Gaily.^ 
 
 That's the right spirit! 
 
 (Tim enters with the telephone-hook and a bundle of 
 proofs.) 
 
 Tim 
 
 Miss Herrick, they need you up-stairs, in the com- 
 posin'-room. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Oh, Tim! 
 
 (She waves him away.) 
 
 Tim 
 
 They really do. It ain't a bluff this time. Imme- 
 diately. Here's the rough proofs of the story you just 
 '4 [49] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 sent up. They put a dozen men on it. The form's 
 got to go to the foundry in ten minutes. 
 (Miss Herrick takes the galley-proofs y glances through 
 them and marks them 0. K.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 ril read the whole thing in the foundry proofs. 
 (Tim takes the proofs from her and goes out?) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 You mean to say the folks up-stairs put a whole story 
 into type that quick.? My! 
 
 (The door of the outer office opens suddenly and Mrs. 
 Gordon enters.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Are you ready for me, Miss Herrick .? 
 (Sees the visitor.^ 
 
 Oh, I beg your pardon. Your boy wasn't there, so 
 I came right in, as I had an appointment. 
 (She starts to retreat.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Don't go. We have almost finished. 
 (To Mrs. Dtxon.) 
 
 Will you amuse yourself with the magazines for a 
 few moments ^ Then we'll get those addresses. 
 
 [50] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 Thank you. 
 (7*0 Mtss Herrick.) 
 I won't need more than five minutes. 
 {She sits down. Mrs. Dixon retreats to the tahle, seats 
 herself he side it, and picks up a magazine.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Miss Herrick, I don't know you as well as I'd like to, 
 but I have a favor to ask. I want to meet Colonel 
 Belden! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 My uncle ? Surely it's not difficult to meet him! I 
 thought you knew every one. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I don't know him. I want you to bring us to- 
 gether. I want him to come and see me. I need 
 his help in a very important matter. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I see. 
 
 (She hesitates.) 
 
 Do you mind telling me what the important matter 
 is.? 
 
 [51] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (^Smiling.) 
 
 You haven't much confidence in me, have you ? 
 However, it's in connection with the new National 
 Park bill. Colonel Belden has enormous influence. 
 He knows all the New York and Washington editors. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (^Sloivly.^ 
 Senator Kirby is back of that bill, isn't he .? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Yes. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I'm going to be quite frank with you. I don't like 
 what I have heard about that new National Park 
 bill. I don't like what I have heard of Senator Kirby. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 He has enemies, of course. Who hasn't I But his 
 National Park bill is directly in line with the newest 
 ideals, conservation. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Grimly.) 
 
 I've heard too much of Senator Kirby's methods in 
 
 [52] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 the past to believe in them now. Under the new 
 name I should expect to find some form of graft. 
 No, Mrs: Gordon. 
 (Mrs. Dixon puts down the magazine!) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Tm sorry, but I can't help you to pull Senator Kirby's 
 chestnuts out of the fire. Fm very sure my uncle 
 will not, either. Are you going back to Washington 
 to-night .? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Rising, with a little shrug of affected indifference.) 
 No, not until next week. I must see Mrs. Ruther- 
 ford Dean and several others before I go. 
 (Mrs. Dixon starts, stares, rises, and comes slowly 
 forward. Then she stands transfixed, gazing at 
 Mrs. Gordon with eyes that hold a dawning recog- 
 nition.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Courteously, including Mrs. Dixon in her farewell.) 
 Good-bye. I hope my interruption has not been too 
 long. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Hoarsely, advancing toward Mrs. Gordon.) 
 Are you Mrs. Herbert Gordon, of Washington? 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Yes. 
 
 (Distantly.^ 
 But I don't think I have met you before, Mrs. — er — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 No, you ain't met me before, Mrs. Gordon, but I've 
 heard of you. 
 (Slowly.^ 
 
 I'm Mrs. Joel Dixon, of Oklahoma. 
 (For an instant Mrs. Gordon looks startled. Then 
 
 she pulls herself together, smile Sy and approaches 
 
 the other woman.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Mrs. Dixon.? How delightful! Your husband and 
 I are good friends. 
 
 (She offers Mrs. Dixon her hand, which Mrs. Dixon 
 ignores. Mrs. Gordon turns to Miss Herrick.) 
 
 Good-bye, Miss Herrick. Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 So glad to have met you. If I were to be in New 
 
 York longer I would ask if I might come and see you. 
 
 As it is, we must wait till you come to Washington. 
 
 (She bows to them both, and leaves. Mrs. Dixon 
 turns and stares at Miss Herrick. She tries to 
 speak, and cqnnot. She makes a vague gesture 
 toward the door.^ 
 
 [54] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs, Dixon 
 
 (Finding her voice at last.) 
 
 That's her. That's the woman I told you about! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Mrs. Gordon! How incredible that seems. Who 
 could have dreamed you two would meet here ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That's her. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I'm sorry it's Mrs. Gordon. She's a well-known 
 lobbyist. She's almost, if not quite, an adven- 
 turess. She is said to be utterly unscrupulous. 
 And she uses everybody that comes her way. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Did you notice her looks .? Did you take her all in, 
 
 with her clothes and her talk and her manners and 
 
 her soft voice ? 
 
 (Mimics the other woman.) 
 
 Your husband and I are good friends ! That's 
 
 her! 
 
 [55] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (She stands rigid for a moment, staring into space. 
 
 Then, with an uncontrolled gesture, she throws up 
 
 her arms, and looks wildly about her.^ 
 My God! what chance have I got to get my husband 
 away from a woman Hke that ? 
 (She breaks down, sinks into her chair, and buries her 
 
 face in her hands.) 
 She's beat me already. I was beat before I come. 
 But I didn't know it. 
 (For a second Miss Herrick looks at her thoughtfully. 
 
 Then she goes and stands beside her.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Incisively.) 
 
 You Western people often use the word "quitter." 
 What does it mean ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Turning quickly.) 
 Quitter! It don't fit me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Quietly.) 
 Doesn't it .? I'm glad. I began to think it did. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Well, have I got any chance against her ? Have I ? 
 
 [56] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Not if you are going to give up the game at the first 
 bunker. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Tearfully.^ 
 
 I dunno what a bunker is. But if it's something 
 nasty she's it! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (With calculated directness.^ 
 
 What are you going to do ? Make a fight for your 
 husband } You may have a bigger fight before you 
 than you expected. Did you hear her speak of that 
 new National Park bill } 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Without interest.^ 
 
 Yes. 
 
 (She sees Miss Herrick's expression and adds:) 
 
 What about it .? \ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Thoughtfully.) 
 
 I wonder if Senator Dixon realizes what sort Kirby 
 and Mrs. Gordon are! Perhaps they're using him, 
 I'm beginning to think — 
 (She looks quizzically at Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 [57] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Yes, I think you* re going to have a busy summer. 
 Have you braced up ? Are you ready for it ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Rising quickly.^ 
 Yes. Let's start! 
 
 (Miss Herrick returns to her desk and corrects her 
 proofs, talking eagerly.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 As soon as I've finished this work we'll take a taxi- 
 cab and make the rounds. By to-morrow morning 
 you will be in the hands of Miss Mulholland, Mrs. 
 Dean, and Miss Jefferson. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That sounds all right. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Mrs. Dean will give you general information and 
 polish. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Good ! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Miss Mulholland will make you into what she calls 
 "a perfessional beauty." 
 
 [58] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'm little, but I've got room for all the beauty she 
 can put on me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Miss Jefferson will teach you grammar and "place" 
 your speaking voice. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Mercy! Where will she place it? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Laughing^ 
 
 Where it belongs — at a safe distance from your nose! 
 But I wish we had more than seven months for work. 
 This will be a race against time ! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 {Enthusiastically.^ 
 
 That's what it is — a race against time. But I've 
 done the first thing I started out to do — I've got you 
 to run the automobile ! And I know something about 
 motors myself. I've cranked the car, shifted the 
 gears, and pulled out the clutch. Jump in beside 
 me and let her out? We won't touch nothing but 
 the high places! 
 
 curtain 
 
ACT II 
 
ACT II 
 
 *' The great act without an actor P 
 
 Time: — Five days later. 
 
 Scene: — Madam O'Reilly s beauty parlors on Fifth 
 Avenue. The scene shows three private booths, 
 side by side (open compartments ^ with partitions 
 between, but no doors), facing the audience. Cur- 
 tains, on poles, are pushed to the side of the left and 
 center booths, leaving the opening clear. Exits, 
 right and left, lead to other departments of the 
 *' parlors." In the right compartment sits a woman 
 in an electric bath (curtains drawn apart at cue). 
 When she is revealed her head alone shows. On the 
 other side hang huge switches and collections of 
 curls, puffs, and beauty apparatus in glass cases. 
 The center compartment is occupied by Mrs. Dixon, 
 who is engaged in having her nails manicured, her 
 fingers massaged and '' tapered," and her com- 
 plexion treated by Miss Mulholland, while Miss 
 ''Birdie" Smith, a typical hair-dresser, is con- 
 structing an elaborate coiffure on her head. Miss 
 [63] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Smith's task, which begins with the curling of the 
 haiTy occupies almost the full time of the act. She 
 dresses the hair carefully and thoroughly, and com- 
 pletes the artistic structure on her " patient' s" head 
 just before the final scene. There is no '^faking" 
 in this act. Every detail of the beauty treatment is 
 followed exactly as it is done in New York's most 
 successful '^ beauty parlors." 
 
 At the rear of the center compartment is a swinging 
 door, u. c. exit. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon IS covered from head to foot with a white 
 linen garment, fastened with strings at the back of 
 her neck. Her face is covered with '^ skin food." 
 Her hair is hanging over her shoulders. She is 
 unrecognizable until she speaks. Seated at the left 
 column of the center booth is Miss Virginia Jefferson, 
 a charming girl, whose task is to instruct the lady in 
 the elemental rules of English grammar and the 
 *' placing" of the speaking voice. She is having 
 a shampoo and hair treatment. A hair "dryer" 
 is in operation, blowing out her hair. Miss Mul- 
 holland is holding Mrs. Dixon s hand and working 
 on her nails. A small manicure-table stands be- 
 tween her and Mrs. Dixon. On it are manicure 
 instruments, rouge, finger-bowl, perfume, etc. A 
 trim little maid in cap and apron waits on the 
 [64] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 elegant assistants, handing them curling-irons, 
 changing finger-bowls for the manicures, and other- 
 wise making herself useful. In the booth, extreme 
 left, sits Mrs. Dean having her nails manicured by 
 Carrie Jones. The curtain rises very slowly on 
 this busy scene. For half a minute no one speaks, 
 though there is action all along the line. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Encouragingly, to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 You got nice nails, natu'ally, Mrs. Dixon. Have 
 them done every day for a few weeks, an' wear gloves 
 every night. Then your hands will look fine. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 All right. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 But keep the gloves on. Don't take them off at two 
 o'clock in the mornin' an' throw them at the wall, like 
 most ladies does. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 They're ruinin' all the linen sheets and pillow-cases 
 on my bed. 
 
 5 [65] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 What d' you care about the sheets. You live in a 
 hotel, don't you ? They ain't your sheets ! Let the 
 manager get peevish ! 
 {She looks up and sees the hair-dresser tentatively 
 
 trying the effect of a classic knot on .Mrs. Dixon s 
 
 head.^ 
 My, Birdie, that's goin' to be swell ! 
 
 Miss Smith 
 All she'll have on is one switch, an' a transformation, 
 an' three puffs, an' a couple of curls, 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Mercy! Ain't that enough for one woman to carry 
 around .? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Pardon me, Mrs. Dixon. Please say isnty not aint. 
 And don't speak quite so loudly, 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I will. I won't. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (To Carrie Jones.^ 
 
 Don't cut the cuticle, please, Miss Jones. 
 
 [66] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 
 (To Mrs. Dean, as she busily cuts the cuticle.') 
 An he says to me — 
 
 Miss Smith 
 
 You're lucky to have some hair of your own, Mrs. 
 Dixon. Lots of ladies goes out o' here round-shoul- 
 dered, they got so much false hair on. 
 (Miss Herrick enters y accompanied by a manicure. 
 
 She wears the little curls and lace jabot recommended 
 
 by Miss Mulholland.) 
 
 Miss Herric^ 
 Good-morning, everybody ! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 How do, Miss Herrick .? Ain't Mrs. Dixon goin' to 
 look fine ? If she'd leave us make her a Titian 
 blonde you'd never know her. 
 (Approvingly, noticing the change in Miss Herrick' s 
 
 appearance.) 
 Say, you look all right, too. Ain't your gentlemen 
 friends more spontaneous now.? 
 
 [67] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Good-mornin', Miss Herrick. Fm makin' them do 
 everything at once, 'cause time is so precious. I 
 bring Miss Jefferson here, too, to correct my gram- 
 mar. Will anything be left of me when they all get 
 through ? 
 (Miss Smith resumes the waving of Mrs. Dixon's 
 
 hair. Smoke arises from each wave, with a strong 
 
 hint of burning hair.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You seem to be leading the strenuous life. Fm sure 
 that coiffure will be charming, Mrs. Dixon. 
 (To the manicure.) 
 
 I will have my nails done right here, please. 
 (They seat themselves at the right column of the center 
 
 booth, and the manicure begins work on Miss 
 
 Herrick' s hands.) 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Fm doin' my best for her, Miss Herrick. I stand off 
 an' look at my subjeck like she was a picture. I say 
 to myself, "Now, here's this lady. She's got a little 
 head without much shape to it. She ain't got no 
 height, nor dignity, nor looks to speak of, nor style. 
 She's got to be made artistic'' I say. Art is the note 
 for her. Then I go to work. 
 
 [68] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Aggrieved.^ 
 My goodness! Ain't she frank ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Pardon. Isn't she frank. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes, she is. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 I mean you must say isn't, not ain't, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Oh! 
 
 Miss Smith 
 There ain't nothin' — 
 {She glances at Miss Jefferson^ 
 There isnt nothing I know of more interesting than 
 to work here an' make people look the way they 
 never thought they could. Believe me, I'd ruther 
 do it than paint pictures. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Take it from me, it don't do'em no good. Mr. Freddy 
 Belden says to me only the other mornin', "Miss 
 
 [69] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Smith's an artist," he says. "Congress ought to give 
 her a medal," he says, "for piHn' so much on the tops 
 of women's heads that they dassent work the inside 
 of them none," he says; "an' thus they become 
 man's unresistin' prey." 
 (Gloomily.^ 
 
 That sounded awful, Birdie — just like you was 
 startin' women on the downward path. 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Many a woman's been kept off the toboggan by a 
 nice healthy interest in a new style of hair. Only the 
 other day a lady came in here an' said she wanted 
 to die. "I ain't got nuthin' to live for," she says. 
 "Oh yes, you have," I says. "You ain't tried the 
 new Sappho Knot." I wish you could 'a' seen her 
 face light up! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Did she try it ? 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Did she .? I guess. When I got it all fixed she 
 looked fine. "Is it death now ?" I says. "No," she 
 says, an' her air was glad an' gay. "I'm goin' to 
 wear this to the theater to-night," she says, "an' sit 
 
 [70] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 exactly in front of my rival. Then perhaps she'll die 
 instead." 
 
 {Miss Mulholland sniffs. Mrs. Dixon, who has been 
 regarding herself at different angles in a hand- 
 mirror, breaks restively into the conversation.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I s'pose that was a joke. It 'most always is a joke, 
 when it sounds so terrible true. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Pardon. Terribly true. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes, 'tis. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 I mean you must say terribly true, not terrible true. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Oh! Terribly, terribly, terribly true! 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon sighs heavily. Miss Mulholland fin- 
 ishes the nails, wipes the skin food from Mrs. 
 Dixon s face, and massages it carefully. Then she 
 fills a bowl with boiling water, and dips a cloth into 
 it. She next proceeds to ^' steam" her complexion 
 by wringing out the hot cloth and laying it over her 
 face. Mrs. Dixon gasps.) 
 [71] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (To Came Jones.) 
 I don't like the nails quite so pointed. Miss Jones. 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 
 (To Mrs. Dean, ignoring this expression of preference.) 
 An' I drew myself up an' I give him one look, just 
 like that — 
 (She glares at Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (To Miss Smith.) 
 
 You must have some interesting experiences here. 
 
 Miss Smith and Miss Mulholland 
 
 (In unison.) 
 
 Interestin' experiences ! 
 
 (They drop their work, open their lips to speak, lean 
 
 forward expressively, then, remembering something, 
 
 exchange glances, and stop.) 
 
 Miss Smith 
 
 (Pursing her lips primly.) 
 The manager don't permit us to discuss 'em. 
 
 [72] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Thoughtfully, standing hack to study her "patient.''^) 
 Miss Herrick, do you think we ought to "skin" her ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Hastily.^ 
 
 Good heavens, no! I don't think her complexion 
 
 needs such heroic treatment! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Reluctantly — touching parts of Mrs. Dixon s face 
 
 with her forefinger.^ 
 Well, mebbe it don't. Mebbe them little brown 
 spots is only liver. We'll try the steam /rj^, anyway. 
 (She gets the steaming cloth and smooths it tightly over 
 
 Mrs. Dixon s features.^ 
 
 Miss Smith 
 (Irritably.^ 
 
 Say, Clarice, do me a favor. Remember that Vm 
 doin' somethin' to this patient, too. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 All right, Birdie. 
 (^Soothingly. ^ 
 
 Keep your Psyche Knot on. 
 
 [73] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (To Miss JeffersoUy aside.) 
 
 My, how sensitive we are when we got the artistic 
 
 temper' ment! 
 
 (She removes the cloth, showing Mrs. Dixdn's face, 
 parboiled in appearance. Mrs. Dixon groans. 
 Miss Mulholland continues the steaming, doing it 
 six or eight times, stepping aside at intervals to give 
 place to Miss Smith, who is still waving Mrs. 
 Dixon s hair with her hot irons.) 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 You're touching the quick, Miss Jones. That hurts! 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (To Mrs. Dean.) 
 An' I says to him, I says, "S-i-r-r-r — " 
 
 Miss Smith 
 (Dreamily.) 
 
 Waves does take time. I know the man that invented 
 the permanent natural wave in women's hair. He 
 puts something sticky on it. He charges fifty dollars 
 for doin' it. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Doesn't it spoil the hair ? 
 
 [74] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Smith 
 (Though tfu II y . ) 
 
 Well, sometimes, of course, when it burns up. But 
 he don't charge nothin' when that happens. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 I know a man that blows up the skin in women's 
 faces, and then fills the hollows with pa.r-3.-feen. He 
 done it to a friend of mine. Her own mother didn't 
 know her that night when she went home. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Eagerly.) 
 Was she improved ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 I dunno. Her young man give her one look when he 
 seen her, and then he went out an' sent her a pillow 
 with "Rest in Peace" on it. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (^Laughing.) 
 Did she ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Yes, in peace from him. He never come no more. 
 An' her face looked so terrible she couldn't go out 
 for weeks. So I guess she had to rest. 
 
 [75] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Soothingly, to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Now I'll massage your face with cold cream. Then 
 
 you'll feel better. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Gloomily.) 
 I couldn't feel no worse. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Pardon. Any worse. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Any worse. 
 (Thoughtfully.') 
 
 I couldn't feel any worse. It don't sound as strong 
 as no worse. When I feel this bad I want to say so! 
 (To Miss Smith.) 
 Ain't my hair burnin' ? 
 
 Miss Smith 
 (Cheerfully.) 
 Oh no; that's on'y the oil! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Isnt my hair burning.? Don't say "ainf." 
 
 [76] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Ain't — isn't — ain't — isnt. 
 
 (pliss Mulholland seizes a jar of cold-crearn, takes 
 large quantities of it, and puts it on Mrs. Dixon s 
 face, rubbing it carefully into the pores.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Oh, ain't this awful! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Pardon. Isn't this awful. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (JFith conviction.) 
 
 Yes, 'tis. No, it isn't. 
 
 (A puff of smoke rises.) 
 
 Yes, 'tis! 
 
 (To Miss Mulholland.) 
 
 Ugh! I've swallowed some of that cream! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Coldly.) 
 Well, don't. That jar's most gone. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (To Carrie Jones, in hopeless accents.) 
 Now, you have cut my finger! 
 
 in] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 
 (To Mrs. Dean, ignoring this painful incident.^ 
 
 I says to him, " 'Tis true I'm a workin' girl," I says — 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Indicating Carrie by a nod in her direction.^ 
 
 If the things she thinks happened to her really did 
 
 happen some publisher would put a binding on her! 
 
 Miss Smith 
 An' then she'd be suppressed! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Reviving when Miss Mulholland interrupts her ef- 
 forts for a moment?) 
 I wish you'd tell me somethin', Miss Herrick. I 
 went to the Ritz the other afternoon for tea. Mrs. 
 Dean took me, and I seen — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 (Correcttngly.^ 
 
 Pardon. Saw! Speak a little more softly, Mrs. 
 
 Dixon, please. 
 
 [78] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 {In a sibilant whisper?) 
 
 I saw lots of women put their elbows on the tables. 
 
 Why was they doin' that .? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Were they. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Were they. Mrs. Dean won't let me do it, and I 
 ain't — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Haven't. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Haven't had 'em on since I come. But if it was 
 wrong, like she says — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 As she said. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Emphati cally?) 
 As she said. 
 
 (To Miss Herrick, aside.) 
 
 She has to correct me like this every blessed minute, 
 'cause we ain't got any time to lose. I get pretty 
 
 [79] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 sick of it, but it's got to be done. Now, if it was 
 wrong, why was they — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Were, were. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Were, were they doin' it .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Possibly they didn't know any better. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Oh yes, they did! They was society women. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 (Firmly^ 
 
 Were society women. Lower your voice a trifle, 
 please, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 She'll have my voice in my shoes before she gets 
 through. 
 
 (She extends her feet.^ 
 
 There ain't room there for it, either. Three sizes 
 smaller than I'm used to! 
 
 [80] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Darkly surveying the cloth with which she has wiped 
 
 the cream off Mrs. Dixon's face?) 
 Ladies that thinks they got clean faces ought to look 
 at the cloth after rubbing off this cream. What soap 
 d' ye use ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Miss JoneSj that finger is still bleeding! 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (To Mrs. Dean.) 
 "Young lady/' he says, and tears was in his voice — 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 (Shrilly [back of the curtain, right\) 
 Miss Mulholland! I think I'm going to die! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Pushing hack the curtain on the right arch and going 
 
 to her.) 
 Oh no, you ain't. If they went that easy lots more 
 women would be dead. 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 I feel so nervous ! You know I'm here partly for my 
 nerves. 
 
 6 [8i] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Well, you won't have no nerves after you get through. 
 Any nerves! 
 
 (She nods toward Miss Jefferson.') 
 She'll have us all perfect before she gets through! 
 {She turns a screw or two, gives the patient a drink of 
 water, and comes back to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 You were speaking of manners, Mrs. Dixon. When 
 I was graduated at the convent I had the most charm- 
 ing manners of any girl in my set, but I had to drop 
 them the first year. They embarrassed people too 
 much. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Dazed.) 
 Why did they .? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Nobody else had any. But they thought they had 
 to live up to me, and it was a frightful strain. So I 
 came down to them, and we were all more com- 
 fortable. Now, if you will excuse me, I will have 
 my facial massage. 
 (To Miss Herrick.) 
 
 Will you correct her grammar while Fm gone } 
 
 [82] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 She will not. I'm goin' to have a rest. 
 {She looks after Miss Jefferson as that young lady 
 
 goes out.) 
 Oh, my — ain't this a relief! I'd make every blessed 
 mistake there is now if I could think of 'em all ! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Next we'll put on the ice-pack. That's real exhila- 
 . ratin', an' it closes all the pores. 
 {She takes a bowl of cracked ice, makes a poultice of 
 
 the ice on a cloth, and applies it to Mrs. Dixon s 
 
 face.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (With chattering teeth.) 
 Ow-w-w! Wow! That's freezin' me! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 {With an obvious desire to divert her mind.) 
 What is Mrs. Dean doing with you now .? What is 
 your daily routine ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 She has me read a leadin' New York newspaper every 
 morning so I'll be well informed an* intelligent. 
 
 [83] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Capital! That's the way to begin. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I read the newspaper in bed, while I'm havin* break- 
 fast. Mrs. Dean comes at ten o'clock 'an' we talk 
 over the news. I tell her all my thoughts, and she 
 tells me whether they mean anything. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Do they .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 No! Then I come here every day to get these things 
 done. After that it's dinner-time — I mean luncheon. 
 (To Miss Smith.) 
 You got your hull weight on one hair in my head! 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Excuse me. I'm most finished. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Wearily.) 
 So am II 
 
 [84] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 
 (Earnestly.^ 
 
 Miss Mul-hol-land ! I know one foot's paralyzed. I 
 
 can't feel a thing! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Going to her.) 
 
 What you complainin' of, then ? Some ladies feels 
 awful in there. Control yourself. D'you know any 
 po'try .? Sometimes that helps, if you say it to 
 yourself. 
 
 (She turns some more screws, pats the patient on the 
 heady and returns to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What do you do after luncheon ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I take a nap to gain flesh. Mrs. Harwood says I got 
 to gain ten pounds to make my figger right. Then 
 we go for a drive in the Park an' look at the other 
 women. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 That must be pleasant. 
 
 [85] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 It's too discouraging. The other women know so 
 much. An' they show everything they know. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Yes, it's all in the show-case, and the sign is up. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I ain't even got the show-case yet. But I'm havin' 
 the sign painted — that's one sure thing. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Miss Mulholland's doing that. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Of course Miss Jefferson is with me the hull time. 
 An' whenever I open my mouth she just about 
 jumps into it, correctin' my mistakes, an' raisin' and 
 lowerin' my voice like it was an elevator. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Sympathetically.^ 
 
 That's very important, you know. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I guess I know it. You don't think I'd stand it a 
 
 [86] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 minute if't wa'n't important. But I do stand it! I 
 
 got to have culture! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You must be patient. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Yearningly.^ 
 
 I wish I could learn how to look bored. That's awful 
 important, too. You see, if you can look at other 
 women like they was dust under your feet that makes 
 them feel like dust. Then you're on top! But I 
 can't look bored to save my life. New York's one 
 long movin'-picture show to me! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You're lucky not to have to reduce your weight. I 
 lived on buttermilk for six weeks last winter trying to 
 lose ten pounds. 
 
 (At the words everybody stops work on the instant and 
 shows intense interest. Even the Lady in the 
 electric hath forgets her sufferings and inclines her 
 head to listen. Mrs. Dean cranes her head around 
 the side of her booth. Everybody forgets Mrs. 
 Dixon. Carrie Jones alone remains wholly ob- 
 livious of interests other than her own.^ 
 [87] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Smith 
 
 (Excitedly, approaching Miss Herrick?) 
 
 I tried that, too, but it didn't do any good. I gained 
 
 eight pounds. Now Fm Hvin' on six crackers a day. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (^Joining themy and speaking with unusual animation.^ 
 That's the way to do it. There's only one good rule. 
 Don't eat any food with your meals. I ain't had 
 enough to eat since last spring. Fm takin' the lemon 
 cure now: one lemon the first day, two lemons the 
 second day, three lemons the third day, four lemons 
 the fourth — 
 
 Miss Smith 
 
 And ten lemons the tenth day. I tried it. It don't 
 work. The best plan is: don't let yourself be com- 
 fort'ble for one minute. If you're sleepy, wake up. 
 If you're sittin' down, get up. If you're dead tired, 
 go and walk five miles. I know a girl that lost 
 twenty pounds that way. 
 (Thoughtfully.^ 
 
 She's in a sanitarium now. She thinks she's Theo- 
 dore Roosevelt! 
 
 [88] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 Tve got ten yards of rubber wrapped around me this 
 minute under my sheet. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Hastily.^ 
 Here, don't wriggle out of it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Mrs. Dean says the best way to reduce your hips is 
 to get down on the floor and roll — fifty times every 
 mornin' and fifty times every night. But where's a 
 fat woman goin' to roll in a flat .? Don't let's talk 
 about gettin' thin. When women start on that sub- 
 ject every other interest in life goes back an' sets 
 down. 
 
 (She waves it away. The girls laugh and- resume 
 their work.) 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 (Firmly.) 
 "A soldier of the Legion lay dying in Algiers — " 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 What's she doin' ? Is her mind goin' ? 
 
 [89] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Never mind her. She's takin' her first. Now Fm 
 goin' to use a nice mild astringent on your face. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Mercy! what's that.? 
 
 (Warningly.^ 
 
 Don't you take the skin off ! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 It's for the pores. The ice closes the pores, an' the 
 astringent keeps 'em closed. 
 (Gazing earnestly.^ 
 
 My, I can just see them pores shut up! 
 (She applies the astringent delicately with a cloth and 
 a light touch.) 
 
 The- Lady in the Electric Bath 
 
 (Gazing into space.) 
 
 "There was lack of woman's nursing, there was 
 
 dearth of woman's tears." 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 That woman makes me nervous. You don't think 
 she is dying, do you ? 
 
 [ 90 ] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 I'll stand this till I count fifty. One, two, three, four, 
 five, six — 
 
 (She goes on counting inaudibly, with expressive 
 facial pantomime.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 She's all right. What do you do when you get back 
 from the Park .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I read till five o'clock with Mrs. Dean. She gives 
 me my lesson then, on the elements. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 The elements ? What elements ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 The elements of knowledge, Mrs. Dean calls 'em. 
 Who are our best authors .? What have they written ? 
 Bridge. Our fav'rite composers. Wagner. The 
 modern drama, an' does it mean anything .? 
 (Drearily^ 
 
 She says a woman that don't know the elements 
 might as well be dead. 
 
 [91] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I'm afraid she's right. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Brightening.^ 
 
 I'm learning them. We talk about them all through 
 supper — dinner, I mean — when she ain't tellin' me 
 which fork to use, an' how to keep my shoulders up, 
 an' not to forget my napkin, an' to eat slow, like I 
 wasn't hungry. 
 (To Miss Smithy jumping.^ 
 Ouch! That hot iron's layin' right on my scalp. 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Excuse me. 
 (Expansively?) 
 
 I got one patient that don't never feel burns — but the 
 doctors thinks there's somethin' the matter with her. 
 
 The Lady in the Electric Bath 
 Forty-nine, fifty! 
 (Miss Mulholland goes to her.) 
 
 Now, I'll stand it till I've repeated a poem. =- 
 
 "The boy stood on the burning deck, whence all but 
 
 him had fled." 
 Miss Mul-hol-land ! It's like pins and needles now! 
 
 [92] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 All right. If you can't stand it any longer I'll let you 
 out. 
 
 {She opens the case and releases the victim, who is 
 robed in a sheet?) 
 
 The Lady 
 
 (Coming forward and lifting first one foot, then the 
 
 other.^ 
 Oh, oh ! Are my feet still there ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Patting her back.) 
 
 Yes, you've got them yet. Come on. You can't 
 dance here! 
 
 The Lady 
 
 I feel so strange! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 You'll feel queer for a week or two; but don't mind 
 that. As soon as you get over it come again. 
 (Exit both.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Thank heaven she's gone. She was getting on my 
 nerves. 
 
 [93] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (To Mrs. Dixon^ 
 
 Of course Mrs. Dean lets you rest in the evening ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Not much! We go to see a play or hear a concert 
 or something to develop my mind. I would enjoy 
 that if she'd leave me alone to listen to the music an' 
 think of home. But she don't. It's "Strauss wrote" 
 this, an' "Wagner wrote" that, an' "pronounce De- 
 bussey again," till I'm just about sick. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I believe you're ready to give it all up. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 No, I ain't. I want to have the satisfaction of 
 
 speakin' right out once, without gettin' stopped and 
 
 corrected. Thank heaven Virginia Jefferson's off 
 
 the job for a minute. 
 
 {Looking around apprehensively .^ 
 
 She ain't coming back yet, is she ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 No, let yourself go ! 
 
 [94] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I want to say I'm so sick of that parcel of women 
 up to my rooms that I have horrid dreams about 'em 
 at night. Mercy! I hope they ain't heard me! Mrs. 
 Dean's around here somewhere. 
 {She stops short, then continueSy reassured.^ 
 I feel better since I've said it. But I ain't goin* to 
 give up, now nor never. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 That's right. Never say die. 
 (To the manicure.^ 
 Have you finished ^ 
 
 (The manicure nods, gathers up her materials, and 
 they rise.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 I'm going to try the new Sappho knot. I hope no 
 one will send me a floral pillow after one look 
 at it. 
 (She and the manicure go out together.) 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (Confidentially, to Mrs. Dean.) 
 An' I wish you could of seen him c-r-r-awl away. 
 
 [95] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 It's very interesting, Miss Jones. But aren't you for- 
 getting about my nails .? 
 (Enter Miss Mulholland, who catches the last remark 
 
 and stops. Birdie Smith is finishing her work on 
 
 Mrs. Dixon s hair.^ 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 How d'ye do, Mrs. Dean! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 Good-morning, Miss Mulholland. 
 
 [Miss Mulholland takes Mrs. Deans hand, looks at 
 her nails with critical attention, and frowns mean- 
 ingly at Carrie Jones.^ 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (7*0 Carrie.^ 
 
 Guess you'll have to do those nails again, Carrie. 
 I'll give you an encore on them. 
 (To Mrs. Dean, as she leans against the column at 
 
 her left and watches the work.) 
 Carrie makes me think of a man she and I knew 
 once. Remember Willie Hicks, Carrie } He sold 
 perfumery. He used to give a bottle to every girl 
 he knew. The way they crowded round! You 
 couldn't tell Willie from a bargain counter. 
 
 [96] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (Trying to take an unpleasant incident in a philosophic 
 
 way.) 
 Yes, girls liked Willie, didn't they ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 They liked the perfumery, but Willie thought it was 
 him they liked. And no wonder! A bottle of per- 
 fumery with every introduction to Willie! Why, 
 girls in Yonkers and Pleasantville sent Willie Hicks 
 notes. 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (Suspiciously.) 
 Say, Clarice, when does the point come in ^ 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Finally Willie didn't have time to work. It was just 
 parties and picnics and trolley rides with him. 
 "Clarice," he says, "I can't stand this much longer. 
 I'm the popular idol. I'm going the pace that kills. 
 It's too much for any man. I must have a rest," he 
 says. Then he got it. He lost his job. 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 (Haughtily.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland, is there anything personal in your 
 remarks ^ 
 
 7 [97] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Nothin' at all, Carrie. All the girls faded away, and 
 you couldn't find Willie with a microscope. "Clar- 
 ice," he says, "I could stand this terrible lonesome- 
 ness if it wasn't for the perfumery. Every little 
 while I pass a girl that's got some on," he says, "an' 
 memories come thick an' fast. Oh! but this world 
 is fickle," he says. "What does it care now for 
 Hobson an' Dewey an' Roosevelt an' me .? Why," 
 he says, "even Carrie Jones might lose her job and 
 be forgot some day!" 
 (Mrs. Dean laughs. Miss Jones tosses her head.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (^Returning to Mrs. Dixon's side.) 
 Now I'll do your eyebrows. 
 (^She resumes work. Mrs. Gordon enters, glances into 
 
 the first booth, recognizes Mrs. Dean and greets her 
 
 joyfully.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Isabel Dean! What luck to find you here! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (Offering her disengaged hand, but not rising and not 
 overjoyed.) 
 
 [98] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Why, Helen! I haven't seen you for ages. Three 
 years, isn't it ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Drawing off her gloves.^ 
 All of that. Can I get another manicure ? 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 I'm afraid not. I guess every one's gone to lunch. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 You can have Missjones in five minutes. She serves 
 a slice of the Tenderloin with every manicure treat- 
 ment! 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 {Stiffly.) 
 
 Sorry, but my lunch-time is exactly half-past twelve. 
 I'll try to get you another young lady when I finish 
 Mrs. Dean's nails. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon • 
 
 (To Came Jones.) 
 
 Thank you. I won't insist on the slice. 
 
 (To Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 What are you doing now .? 
 
 (She sits down to wait.) 
 
 [99] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Something very interesting. I'm making over a 
 crude little Western woman into a vision of beauty 
 and grace. We come here every day, and I coach 
 her between times. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Languidly.^ 
 
 Why don't these little Western women stay in the 
 West, where there's more room ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Are they crowding you ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 One of them is trying to ! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 If she is like my little woman she'll have you in a 
 corner in no time, with your back to the wall. I've 
 never met such quickness and cleverness. 
 
 Birdie Smith 
 (To Mrs. Dixon ^ 
 
 This coy-fur makes you look like a society woman 
 with a dash of the high-brow. 
 
 [ 100 ] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Now I'll show you how to put these plasters on. 
 You must wear 'em nights. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (To Mrs. Gordon^ 
 
 I suppose you are still in Washington, with your 
 
 finger in some political pie. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Yes. It's a big pie this time — and a rather hot one! 
 But the handsomest man I know is helping me to 
 pull it out of the political oven. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 A hot political pie. M-m-m. I remember hearing 
 the other day that you are interested in the Kirby 
 bill. Is that it ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 That is it. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Then it is hot! Who is your cat's-paw this time ? 
 
 [lOl] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Lightly.^ 
 
 I don't quite like the way you put it, Isabel. How- 
 ever, the Senator from Oklahoma might answer your 
 unflattering description. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (To Miss Smith, almost under her breath^ 
 Did you hear that } 
 
 Miss Smith 
 (Without interest?) 
 
 Something about some man, I s'pose. It always is. 
 (Professionally.^ 
 
 You can sleep on that hair three nights — if you lay 
 on your face and don't turn over. But you must 
 wear this veil. Otherwise, it takes the freshness out. 
 (She puts a sheer veil turhan-fashion around the 
 coiffure.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I should think it would take your freshness out — 
 to lay on your face three nights! 
 
 Miss Smith 
 Not out of you. Out of the hair, I meant. With a 
 
 [ 102 ] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 coy-fur like that a lady can stand anything. Good- 
 
 mornin*. 
 
 (Exit Miss Smith. ^ 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Helen, you're playing a very dangerous game. 
 Have you forgotten what was said about you and 
 Senator Traynor in connection with the Wilcox bill .? 
 I hoped that experience would teach you a lesson. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Calm yourself, my dear. Emotion is bad for the 
 complexion. 
 
 Carrie Jones 
 That's all, Mrs. Dean. 
 (Mrs. Dean rises and pays her.) 
 Good-morning. 
 (To Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 I'll tell Madam you want the first manicure that 
 comes in. 
 
 (Carrie Jones goes out. Mrs. Dean takes her hat and 
 wrap from the hook where they hang.) 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 You know I'm not prudish, but surely you realize 
 that people are talking about you frightfully. ^ 
 
 [ 103 ] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 {Impulsively.^ 
 
 Helen ! Why don't you drop it all ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 I will, soon. First I'm going to do something that 
 
 will make the gossips stop from sheer exhaustion. 
 
 {Deliberately.^ 
 
 I'm going to be married. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 My dear — I'm glad. Matrimony will at least anchor 
 you. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Don't commit yourself. 
 {Laughing impishly.^ 
 
 There are two persons I am sure will never approve 
 of my marriage — you and the man's wife. 
 {Mrs. Dean stares at her; then, in silent hut eloquent 
 
 disapproval, she puts on her hat and veil before the 
 
 mirror.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 {Sibilantly.) 
 
 I know that voice ! 
 
 [104] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 She comes here often. Now I'll put on the chin-strap 
 for a little while. 
 
 (They listen to what follows. Miss Mulholland puts 
 chin-straps and wrinkle-plasters on Mrs. Dixon s 
 face.) 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (Turning to face Mrs. Gordon after putting on her 
 
 hat.) 
 Helen, I don't understand you — and I don't want to. 
 Good-bye. 
 (She starts toward the door.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Rising.) 
 
 One moment, Isabel. I'm not hard to understand. 
 No woman is who is alone in the world and poor, but 
 with big ambitions. She wants money and power 
 and the man who can give them to her. If he hap- 
 pens to be married to a woman who is a drag and a 
 burden to him I think she is justified in helping him 
 to remove that burden, for his sake as well as her 
 own. 
 
 [105] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (^Ironically.) 
 
 By cold steel, I suppose — as you seem to stop at 
 nothing ! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Oh no! By the painless process of our paternal 
 divorce system. That's the modern method. 
 (Mrs. Dean makes a brusque movement of disapproval.) 
 Good-bye; I'll send you our wedding-cards. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 Don't take the trouble. This is good-bye, Helen. 
 
 (Exit Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Now you set here and rest awhile. Then I'll come 
 
 back and take off those straps, 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 The electric bath is the only thing I've escaped to-day. 
 I suppose you'll have me in that to-morrow. 
 
 [io6] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Yes. You'd better learn some poetry to-night. 
 (Exit Miss Mulholland, up center, through the swing- 
 ing door?) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Going forward and glancing into Mrs. Dixon s com- 
 partment.^ 
 I beg your pardon. I thought I heard Miss Mul- 
 holland speak. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Springing to her feet and facing her, all her pent-up 
 anger and suffering breaking forth at sight of her 
 rival.^ 
 
 So-o ! It's you, is it ^ No wonder I knew your voice ! 
 
 Now I understand what you're up to! 
 
 (Mrs. Gordon recoils under the shock of the unex- 
 pected onslaught. She recovers herself immediately 
 and gazes at the grotesque figure before her. Mrs. 
 Dixon still wears the apron and veil, and her face is 
 covered by the chin-strap and the wrinkle-plasters.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Icily.) 
 
 Are you asking me to believe that some one I know 
 is concealed under this extraordinary disguise '^. 
 
 [107] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Cuttingly.^ 
 
 No one you know. Only the burden you say you're 
 goin' to get rid of. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 It's the lady from Oklahoma ! 
 (^Looking about apprehensively.^ 
 
 For heaven's sake, don't make a scene in this public 
 place. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 You oughta thought about that when you talked me 
 over a few minutes ago. 'Twas as public then as 
 'tis now. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (^Disdainfully.^ 
 
 Why should you think I was speaking of your hus- 
 band ? No names were mentioned, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Are you makin' a collection of husbands ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 {Pulling herself together.^ 
 Suppose it was your husband! 
 
 [io8] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Insolently.^ 
 
 As you seem to have listened, you may remember 
 that I said the wife would not approve of my plan. 
 You don't, do you ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Fm no match for you. I know that. Fm just a poor, 
 misguided fool. I oughta had sense enough to stay 
 home, where I belong. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I quite agree with you. 
 (She glances about again, apprehensively. Seeing the 
 
 place wholly deserted, she recovers her expression of 
 
 sang froid.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Now Fm here, I stay. D'ye hear me.? I — stay! 
 And you got to reckon with me in this plan of yours. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 H-m-m. That's very interesting. Do you mean 
 that you're going to fight the divorce .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Fm goin' to fight the divorce, an' you, an' Joe Dixon, 
 too, if I got to. You can be mighty sure of that. 
 
 [109] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 It's well we have the place to ourselves for this dis- 
 cussion. You primitive women are so excitable. 
 However, as we're here, I have something to say to 
 you. 
 
 {Sternly.^ 
 Sit down. 
 (She indicates a chair.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I won't. 
 (She draws back.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Very well. I will. 
 
 (She sits down.) 
 
 Perhaps you'll change your mind. I'm going to talk 
 
 to you as if you were a rational human being instead 
 
 of a grotesque virago. If you could look at this 
 
 matter from the standpoint of a woman of the world — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 From your standpoint, you mean. Well, I can't. 
 We don't know much about your standpoint out 
 where I come from. 
 
 [no] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Naturally. I don't expect miracles. Let us say 
 from the standpoint of ordinary common sense. 
 Here is the situation : You are married to a man who 
 no longer loves you. He has developed. You have 
 not. He has brains. You have not. He is climbing 
 upward in life. He has Outstripped you at every 
 point. He doesn't want you. He wants his free- 
 dom. Why not be wise and let him have it ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Because he don't know what he does want. I've 
 always known what was good for Joe Dixon better 
 than he knew himself. I know it better now. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 The cold facts are that you are clinging to a man who 
 wants to get away. You can hold him by force for 
 a time, but not long. Make a virtue of necessity and 
 accept the inevitable. The world respects a wife 
 who meets that situation with dignity. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 What does the world think of a woman who steals 
 another woman's husband ? 
 
 [Ill] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Wearily.^ 
 
 There you go again, rushing into hysterics. You 
 should be a heroine of melodrama. 
 (Patronizingly?) 
 
 Can't you reahze that you will never accomplish 
 anything until you learn to keep your temper '^. Do 
 you imagine you're impressive now, acting as you act 
 and looking as you look? You're inexpressibly 
 ridiculous ! 
 (She rises.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Dully, her passion spent, sinking into a chair as she 
 
 speaks.^ 
 I guess you're right about that. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Come now, Mrs. Dixon, be sensible. I'm not en- 
 joying this talk. But since you began it, I'd like to 
 come to some understanding. 
 (Urgently?) 
 Will you give Senator Dixon his freedom } 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Never! 
 
 [112] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Then he'll take it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 He can't get it! Joel Dixon's got no cause to divorce 
 me. I'd like to see him try it among our folks out in 
 Oklahoma that knows all I done for him. I've made 
 that man what he is. He don't know it, but they 
 do. Joe thinks I can't help him now in Washington. 
 Well, I can't. But I've gone down into the mines 
 with him, and I've rode on the trail with him, and I've 
 froze with him, and I've starved with him. I've 
 nursed him when he was ravin' with fever, and there 
 wasn't a doctor within sixty miles. I've fed him 
 with the last we had, when he didn't know it was the 
 last. I've loved him all his life. I love him still. 
 He's mine, and I'll keep him. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 You're hopeless. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Rising.^ 
 
 It's more than Joe you want, too. You want him as 
 your tool, to work your schemes. I heard you talk to 
 Mrs. Dean in there. You can't have him. I'll get 
 on your track. I know our other Senator and our 
 s [113] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Congressman. They'll introduce me around. I'll 
 find out what you did to that man Traynor and what 
 you're scheming to do to Joe now. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 {Losing her temper at last.) 
 Try it. I'll teach you a lesson. 
 {More calmly.) 
 
 So it's war, is it .? Then sharpen your weapons. 
 You will need them. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Don't you worry. I'll use them. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 {Ironically.) 
 What do you use I Rapiers ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 {Dully.) 
 
 I dunno what rapiers is. Axes is more in my line. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 {Laughing.') 
 
 Oh, don't use axes! Try to be content with a little 
 hatchet. 
 
 {Mrs. Gordon leaves. As she goes Mrs. Dean returns 
 through the opposite door.) 
 [114] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Turning toward Mrs. Dean^ 
 
 Oh, Mrs. Dean, I've just made a fool of myself! 
 Why did God let me do it ? He made women and 
 He made idiots, and I suppose sometimes He can't 
 tell 'em apart Himself! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 What have you done ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'm not fit to be left alone yet. You ought to watch 
 me every minute. I can't take things the way New 
 York women do. I ain't been here long, but I've 
 heard them talk. 
 (Artificially.^ 
 
 "George lost every cent we had last week." 
 (Lightly:) 
 
 " I suppose we'll all be in the poor-house next week." 
 (Desperately :) 
 
 I can't talk or act like that when things happen. My 
 God! When I'm down, I'm down. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 One of the things I intend to teach you is not to let 
 people know when you are down. That's Life's 
 primer lesson in self-control. 
 
 ["5] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Teach me quick. I need It, And tell me some- 
 thing else. Am I making any headway .? Do I know 
 anything ? Do I act as if I did ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 You have done all you could do in these few days. 
 You have improved enormously in looks, though I 
 admit you don't show it now. Take off those things. 
 Let me see the effect this morning. 
 {Mrs. Dixon goes to the mirror and looks at herself.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 And that Mulholland woman left me looking like 
 this! 
 
 {She tears off the plasters, the chin-strap, and the veil. 
 Last of all she swiftly removes the big apron and 
 stands revealed transformed. Her coiffure is won- 
 derfully he coming. Her complexion is dazzling. 
 Her gown is perfect in style and fit. She revolves 
 slowly before Mrs. Dean, who nods with satisfac- 
 tion.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 Well done, little pupil! 
 
 [ii6] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Returning to the mirror.^ 
 
 Yes, I look all right. As long as I keep my mouth 
 
 shut I am all right. 
 
 (She revolves before the mirror.^ 
 
 My figure's pretty good. It's the new corsets and the 
 
 fit of this dress. My color is better, too. All ain't 
 
 lost while a woman's complexion lasts. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 You should be satisfied. You have started out to do 
 certain things. The mirror shows you have accom- 
 plished a transformation. Check that off your list. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Nodding.^ 
 
 I've done it in five days. Of course I ain't exactly 
 done it, but I have it all on! And I've got you and 
 Miss Herrick to help me with the other things. 
 I've got to begin on them quick. Will I slip back 
 if I go to Washington for a few weeks .? 
 (An inspiration strikes her.) 
 
 I'll take you with me! I can't afford to lose one 
 minute of culture. 
 
 [117] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Wisdom is not dead, even in Washington. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 What's the hot pohtical pie you and Mrs. Gordon 
 talked about a few minutes ago ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (Lightly.^ 
 
 The Kirby bill .? I'm afraid you wouldn't under- 
 stand that. Politics come later in your course. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Try me. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 The Kirby bill is probably a prettily disguised grab 
 bill. I'm told that Senator Kirby has bought 
 thousands of acres of waste land, full of malaria, 
 at three dollars an acre. He's trying to sell them 
 to the government for a pleasure park at one hun- 
 dred dollars an acre. He will pocket a million or so, 
 and divide the rest among philanthropic statesmen 
 who helped him to put the bill through. That's all 
 there is to it. 
 
 [ii8] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That's enough. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Senator Kirby calls it conservation. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I know a better name for it. What's goin' to happen 
 to the man that pulls that pie out of the oven .? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 He's apt to get his fingers burned. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Then I must try to keep him from pullin' it out — if 
 he'll listen to me. He's my husband. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 My dear — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 You didn't know Mrs. Gordon's talk was about me, 
 did you .? You didn't know my husband was the 
 Senator from Oklahoma .? Don't worry. I can 
 handle Mrs. Gordon. Do you know why .? Not 
 because I'm jealous. Not because I know anything. 
 But because there's a love in me that's a whole lot 
 bigger than I am. 
 
 [119] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (Grasping the situation.^ 
 
 I am so sorry! I didn't understand — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Course you didn't. I want you to understand now. 
 I've given Joe Dixon all he wanted all his life. Do 
 you think I ain't big enough to give him his freedom 
 too if that would make him happy ? I am. I 
 could do it, and be happy doing it, if it was for his 
 good. But freedom ain't what Joe needs. It would 
 be the worst thing he could have. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (Ironically.^ 
 It certainly would, with Helen Gordon at large. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'll look out for Joe. Trust me for that. Why, Mrs. 
 Dean, he ain't just the husband I've worshiped all 
 my life. He's the children I've never had. He's my 
 dream come true. There's only about six feet of 
 him, but I've never been able to see anything else 
 above him, or below him, or around him. There's 
 nothing but Joe Dixon in my world. There never 
 has been. There never will be. That's the plain 
 truth of it. 
 
 [120] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 I'm afraid he isn't worth such love. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 What's that got to do with it ? If us women only 
 loved the perfect men this would be a mighty lone- 
 some world. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 It would be a world of lonesome men. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Don't you make any mistake about Joe! He's a 
 fool when it comes to a clever woman; but he's a 
 man, all right! Or how did he make his way to 
 where he's got ? He began with nothing. Now he's 
 a Senator and a millionaire. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 He has done well. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 He'll go higher yet if I can steer him past that si-reen. 
 Ain't that what they call ladies that sits on the rocks ? 
 I've always watched over Joe. I'm going to keep 
 right on. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 What can you do .? 
 
 [121] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Half an hour ago I couldn't have told you. Since 
 I've heard her talk, I've thought it out. Mrs. Gor- 
 don's got two strings to her bow — graft and matri- 
 mony. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 It*s a bad pair. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 It is. If Joe gets onto the graft it will be all off with 
 the matrimony. See ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 I see. If you can show up the Kirby bill to your 
 husband you can show up Mrs, Gordon at the same 
 time. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That's it. I'll kill both my birds with one stone — if 
 I can only hit 'em! They say a woman never can, 
 but I'll have a try at it. Now, come on ! Come on ! 
 We got just time to catch that one-o'clock train to 
 Washington! 
 
 {She seizes her hat and coat, grasps Mrs. Dean's arm, 
 and they exit hastily^ 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
ACT III 
 
ACT III 
 
 Time : — An afternoon in June, between three and four 
 o* clock. 
 
 Scene : — Miss Herrick's office. The curtain rises on 
 the same scene as Act I. Freddy Belden ts seated 
 at Miss Herrick's desk, lolling hack in her chair 
 and idly fingering her pens, proofs, and the like. 
 Near him sits Miss Jefferson, absorbed in a magazine. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 (Dropping the magazine.^ 
 
 Freddy, when Miss Herrick goes up to the composing- 
 room, how long does she stay there ? 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Until people who are waiting here go away. Now 
 tell me something. What is Mrs. Dixon doing in 
 Washington ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Your mind is not mature enough to understand. 
 
 [125] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 It understands this much: Mrs. Dixon is spreading 
 a net for something. I want to know what it is, and 
 whether she will catch it. 
 
 Miss Jefferson , 
 Keep cool. She got back from Washington this 
 morning. She's coming here this afternoon for an 
 important meeting. When she arrives, dear Freddy, 
 I'm afraid you will have to go. 
 
 Freddy 
 On the contrary, nothing could tear me away,, I'll 
 wait, though I know it's dangerous. Here I am, 
 young, helpless, and alone with you. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 You are a very impertinent boy. 
 
 Freddy 
 Take me in hand. Improve me. Make any change 
 you like. Suppose you begin by developing my 
 higher nature. I'll give you seven months to do it 
 
 in! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 No, thanks; too hopeless. If there happened to be 
 anything wrong with your grammar — 
 
 [126] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 {Excitedly.^ 
 
 It's my weakest point — my words has always went 
 wrong. Can you learn me how to talk good, every 
 day from ten to five ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 How can I ? I hear you have engaged yourself to 
 Miss Mulholland for beauty treatment every day 
 from ten to one, and to Miss Smith for moral training 
 every afternoon from two to six. 
 
 Freddy 
 (Thoughtfully?) 
 
 Miss Mulholland .? Miss Smith .? Where have I 
 heard those names before } 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 (Rising.^ 
 
 They'll come back to you out of the mists of time, if 
 you think hard enough. 
 
 Freddy 
 (Jumping up!) 
 
 Don't go! I can think while you*re here — though, 
 of course, I can't think of anything but you. Don't 
 
 [127] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 you realize that to me you're the only girl in the 
 universe ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 {Sitting down again and looking at him with interest^ 
 How many hours is it since you said that to Miss 
 Mulholland ? 
 
 Freddy 
 That name again ! Mulholland. Mulholland. Now, 
 the name of Smith I know I've heard somewhere. 
 But Mulholland— 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 You can't recall it ^. 
 
 Freddy 
 {Firmly.^ 
 If I ever do, I'll tell you. 
 
 {Tenderly.^ 
 
 There's one name engraved on my heart — Virginia! 
 
 {He bends over her devotedly.^ 
 
 {Miss Mulholland enters. She wears a perfectly 
 fitting princess gown, but no hat. Her sleeves are 
 protected by the long cuffs typewriters use. Her 
 coiffure is extremely elaborate .^ 
 [128] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Hesitating at the door.) 
 
 Excuse me. I thought Miss Herrick was here. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 (Nodding to her J) 
 
 How do you do. Miss Mulholland. Miss Herrick 
 fled when Mr. Belden came. 
 (Mischievously.) 
 You have met Mr. Belden, haven't you .? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (IVarmly.) 
 Well, I guess. How do, Freddy .? 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Dazed and overcome.) 
 Why — how do you do ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 As cool as that, are you .? 
 (To Miss Jefferson.) 
 
 Ain't it enough to raise a crop of daisies on my grave .? 
 Every time I meet him outside the manicure parlors 
 he acts like this. But in the parlors — 
 9 [129] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Hurriedly^ 
 
 We met here several months ago, too, didn't we ? 
 
 You came to see my cousin. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (To Miss Jefferson.^ 
 
 Now he's pretendin' he hasn't seen me since. An' 
 
 me pourin' out soothin' syrup for him every day last 
 
 month. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Hastily^ 
 
 You — you came in so suddenly you surprised me. 
 
 You look quite at home here. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Proudly.^ 
 
 Why wouldn't I } I got a job here now! I'm a 
 typewriter. 
 
 Freddy 
 A typewriter ? 
 (To Miss Jefferson.') 
 
 I'll bet beauty shrieked when Miss Mulholland fell 
 into the new job. 
 
 [130] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 Madam O'Reilly shrieked, all right. 
 
 {Elegantly?) 
 
 Miss Herrick give me the position to get me away 
 
 from the demoralizing influence of the beauty 
 
 parlors. I regard it as the first ascendin' step in a 
 
 literary career. 
 
 Freddy 
 {Admiringly.^ 
 What beautiful words you use, Miss Mulholland! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 I'm goin' to use some more. Miss Herrick says I'm 
 to be pertected now. You got to keep away from 
 my desk! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 {Giving way to mirth.) 
 
 Oh, Freddy, Freddy! This is too good! 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Protected ! Great heavens ! What do you mean .? 
 
 {He gets behind Miss Jefferson and signals to Miss 
 Mulholland imploringly.) 
 
 [131] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (^Confidentially.) 
 
 I don't believe this place is any safer than the beauty 
 parlors. The engineer an' fireman is in my office 
 this minute. That's why I came in here. Only this 
 mornin' three agents from the typewriter company 
 come to put a new ribbon on — 
 
 Freddy 
 (With interest.) 
 On your hair ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Icily.) 
 No, Freddy Belden, on my typewriter. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 They'll be putting ribbons on your hair inside of a 
 week. I see their finish. Never mind, I will pro- 
 tect you from them. That's what Ruth meant. 
 Come, be comfortable. They also work who only 
 sit and wait. 
 (He offers her Miss Herrick' s chair.) 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 No, thanks. I ain't hopin' to fill that chair just yet. 
 
 [132] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 A little later, perhaps ? A few weeks ? Wait here 
 till then! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 The more the merrier, for you ! 
 
 {She starts toward the door.) 
 
 Freddy 
 One moment. Miss Mulholland. 
 
 (She stops. Freddy gets between her and the door and 
 pauses impressively before her.) 
 
 Freddy 
 I will overlook your thoughtless words. But an- 
 swer this question frankly: Did you or did you not 
 tell Miss Birdie Smith and Madam Hortense O'Reilly 
 that I am your ideal man } 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 {Horrified.) 
 
 Indeed, Mr. Belden, I never said no such thing — not 
 
 to nobody! 
 
 (To Miss Jefferson.) 
 
 Don't you believe him. Besides— 
 
 (Firmly.) 
 
 — You ain't! 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 (Crestfallen.^ 
 I ain't ? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 No, Mr. Belden. I like your high spirits, but, since 
 
 you ask me, I will say — 
 
 (Darkly.^ 
 
 — There's things in you I don't approve. 
 
 Freddy 
 Stop right there, Miss Mulholland. You need't say 
 what they are! I don't know where this splendid 
 candor might lead you. But, if it's a fair question — 
 have you ever met your ideal man .? 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 I have. He's the grandest man I ever knew. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Tell us about him. The contrast might help Mr. 
 Belden. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 (Reminiscently, leaning against a chair.') 
 Well, he come into Madam O'Reilly's manicure 
 
 [134] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 parlors about five one night las' spring, an' by the 
 time I'd done his nails 'twas six. "While I was 
 workin' he never said a word, except about the 
 weather an' the air-ships. But when I was through 
 he ast me to go to dinner with him that night, an' 
 see a play afterward. 
 
 Freddy 
 I'd do that any time! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 They all would. 'Twas the way he done it. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 I see. Some have the ways and some only have the 
 means! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 This man had both. He had such nice sad eyes, too. 
 I went. He took me to a big restaurong, an' say — 
 I wish you could "a' seen the dinner he ordered! 
 Clams an' sweetbreads, ducks an' lobsters, an' cham- 
 pagne. But he never said one word, except about the 
 plays in town. He didn't even say he was lonesome. 
 
 Freddy 
 I can order a better dinner than that. 
 
 [135] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 'TVas the way he done it, I tell you. We had a 
 quart and a pint of champagne, but he never said one 
 word. He didn't even tell me his wife didn't under- 
 stand him. Then we went to a music-hall, an' he 
 got a box. 
 
 Freddy 
 Why wouldn't he \ A box is the safest place to put a 
 jewel in. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 Ain't I tellin' y' it was the way he done it ? Afterward 
 we had supper, an' more champagne. But he didn't 
 say one word, except about the singin' and dancin'. 
 He didn't even say a girl like me needed some one to 
 advise her. He got a cab an' we started home. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Indifferently y) 
 
 A dull evening, I call it. 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 When the cab was half a block from where I lived 
 he stopped it an' we descended. "I'll ask you to 
 walk these few steps, Miss Mulholland," he says, 
 "lest the neighbors talk," he says. 
 
 [136] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Awestruck.^ 
 
 I'd never have thought of that! 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 None of 'em would. That ain't all. When we got 
 to the door he took off his hat an' held it in his hand. 
 "Good-night, Miss Mulholland," he says, just like 
 that. "I thank you for a pleasant evenin'," he says, 
 "which I shall always remember," he says. An' 
 then — 
 (She pauses dramatically.^ 
 
 And then? 
 Yes, then — 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Miss Mulholland 
 
 (Triumphantly ?) 
 
 Then that man put on his hat an' went away. 
 (She sighs?) 
 
 Well, it's somethin' to remember. I must go now. 
 I got letters to copy. 
 
 (She goes to the door, opens it, closes it again hastily, 
 and turns to Miss Jefferson and Freddy?) 
 [137] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Wouldn't that jar you out of your orbit ? There's 
 
 six men waitin' for me this minute ! My Gawd, what 
 
 is there about me — 
 
 (^She draws herself up, opens the door again, and goes 
 out. Mrs. Dixon enters. She greets Miss Jeffer- 
 son and Freddy. She is wearing an automobile 
 coat which she removes at once, showing herself 
 exquisitely dressed in summer garments. Her 
 speech has now reached the stage where progress is 
 shown by instantaneous correction of mistakes.) 
 
 Freddy 
 I've just been talking about you, Mrs. Dixon. But, 
 then — 
 
 (Tenderly.) 
 
 — I usually am. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Yes, Freddy, I know. I guess it's lucky for us both 
 
 I ain't — am not — twenty years younger ! 
 
 Freddy 
 Keep on the way you're going and you will be! Will 
 you wait for me till I grow up ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 You want to be my husband's understudy, do you } 
 That shows I am getting on. 
 
 [138] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Miss Herrick enters^ immaculately dressed in white 
 linen. She carries a hunch of galley-proofs.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Here I am, Miss Herrick, on the dot. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You're always punctual. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Softly, Mrs, Dixon, please. Try to cultivate more 
 suavity of tone. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (To Miss Herrick, with a martyred air.^ 
 
 Now it's suavity of tone she's after. When I talk 
 
 like this (she utters the words brusquely^ it aint suave. 
 
 When I talk like this (she gives the words a velvety 
 
 finish^ it is suave. 
 
 (Contentedly?) 
 
 I can see the difference myself. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 So can L You're doing beautifully. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Hasn't Colonel Belden come .? 
 
 [139] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Not yet. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 But you're sure he's coming ? It's awful — very — 
 kind of him to do so much for me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 He has two good reasons. First, he Hkes you. 
 Second, he wants to defeat the Kirby bill. He will 
 help you all he can. 
 
 Freddy 
 (Eagerly.^ 
 Secrets ! Does father know '^. Tell me ! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Yes, it's secrets — if a big political scandal is ever a 
 
 secret. 
 
 (Dreamily?) 
 
 Seems to me most every one knows this secret except 
 
 Joe Dixon. 
 
 Freddy 
 (To Virginia.^ 
 
 She has something in her net! 
 
 [140] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I've got the biggest netful you ever saw — if I can only 
 land it! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Taking up a paper from her desk. It is blue, the 
 
 other papers being white?) 
 Colonel Belden sent me the statement you got for him. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 There's the whole inside story of the Kirby bill — 
 names, dates, and places. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Is it to be published ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 No. Mr. Rathburn, of the New York Planet, wrote 
 it for his paper. But the editor won't print it. He 
 says he believes it's true, but it might cause a libel 
 suit, and we haven't got legal proofs. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Can't you get them ? 
 
 [141] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 No. We've tried everything. First I went to see 
 the other Senator from Oklahoma, and our Con- 
 gressmen. They didn't know any more than Freddy 
 here! 
 (Unobserved by the rest, Freddy has edged round 
 
 behind Miss Herri ck, and is reading the statement, 
 
 still held in her hand.) 
 And they weren't half as interested. Then Mr. 
 Rathburn came to see me. He's the Washington 
 correspondent of the New York Planet, and that 
 polite — 
 (Suavely.) 
 
 — So very polite ! He pretended to be interested in 
 Joe. But I saw through him! 
 (To Miss Jefferson.) 
 Can I say "saw through him" .? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 It is an idiom; it expresses the case very well. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I never shall know when it's an idiom and when it's 
 only vulgar. Anyway, I saw Rathburn was begin- 
 ning to see something mighty queer in the Kirby 
 bill. So I laid down my hand to that reporter, every 
 
 [H2] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 card on the table. We worked together. You 
 wouldn't beheve the people we saw and the things we 
 found out! But it was all hearsay. We can't get the 
 Planet to print it. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 You're up against a theory of "sound journalism." 
 A thing may be true as gospel, but if you can't 
 prove it in a lawsuit it's libel. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I know it. I found out that Senator Matthews was 
 paid five thousand dollars for his vote. Don't I 
 wish I had a photograph of that check! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 If you haven't proofs, what have you .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Nothing but facts. I've got to make my husband 
 believe the simple truth against the word of the 
 Kirby crowd and Mrs. Gordon. The point is, can 
 I do it ? 
 {Restlessly.') 
 
 You're sure Colonel Belden's coming ? 
 
 [143] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Quite sure. 
 
 (Looking at her watch.) 
 He isn't due for five minutes. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Let's forget Kirby's bill for a few minutes. 
 (With affected elegance.) 
 It's getting on my nerves! 
 (Deliberately changing the subject.) 
 I'm going to my first dinner-party to-morrow night. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Your first dinner ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes. Mrs. Twombly's giving it for me — on Mrs. 
 Dean's account, I guess. 
 (Confidentially .) 
 
 I'm terribly scared — nervous about it. Now tell me. 
 When I meet the other guests shall I act as if I knew 
 everything, and let them find out I don't .^ Or shall 
 I tell them I don't know a thing, and let them get 
 over it .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Don't say an unnecessary word. Listen intelligently. 
 
 [144] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Fill the pauses with smiles. Your smile is charming. 
 (A'Irs. Dixon opens a vanity-box, finds a mirrory grins 
 
 into it, and regards the result with unlifted gloom. 
 
 Then she turns and smiles appealingly at Miss 
 
 Jefferson.^) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Mournfully^ 
 I can't find any charm in it. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Never mind. The other guests will. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Mrs. Dean knows the men I'm going to set — sit 
 between. One of 'em — one of ?/7(?m is Western. We 
 can talk about home. He's a mining man, an' I 
 guess I have not listened to Joel Dixon talk mines 
 at every meal I've et — I have eaten for twenty years 
 without learning something about mines, too. Him 
 and me — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Oh-h-h-h! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Despairingly?) 
 Oh! That was pretty bad, wasn't it.? Two of my 
 
 [145] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 seven months gone, and I say," him and me"! Ain't 
 it discouragin' ? Oh, heavens; now I say, ''ain't"! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Begin over. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 All right. One of the men is Western. He and I 
 will get on all right. But the other man at the dinner 
 is an author, and why they put him next to me— 
 (Her voice rises to a wail.) 
 — I'm sure I dunno — I don't know. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Let's have a rehearsal, Mrs. Dixon. I'll be the au- 
 thor. Here's the table. 
 
 (He draws an imaginary table into the center of the 
 stage.) 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 I'll be the English butler. 
 
 (Freddy seats Mrs. Dixon, takes another chair, places 
 it near hers and sits down beside her, unfolding 
 an imaginary napkin. Airs. Dixon unfolds an im- 
 aginary napkin also, places it in her lap, fusses 
 over it, surveys the place where knives and forks 
 ought to be, and looks nervous. Miss Jefferson, 
 [146] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 offering a dish at Mrs. Dixon's left, drops an 
 imaginary plate, and Freddy and Mrs. Dixon start 
 nervously.^ 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Severely, to Miss Jefferson.) 
 
 You go when your month is up, Thomas. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 (^Haughtily.) 
 
 Pardon, sir. Hi was going any'ow! Hi'm only 
 
 used to the best, sir! 
 
 (She offers Mrs. Dixon a dish from the right side.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Ain't you on my wrong side, Thomas ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Pardon, madam. The gentleman got me that upset, 
 wot with dischargin' me — 
 
 {She hurriedly changes and serves Mrs. Dixon an 
 imaginary dish from the left side.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Grinning ecstatically.) 
 That's more than I knew a month ago. 
 (Miss Jefferson takes her place at Freddy s right, in- 
 
 [H7] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 verts an imaginary decanter, and pours indefinitelyy 
 looking exhausted the while.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (^Irritably.) 
 
 Thomas, what are you doing ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 (Humbly.) 
 Tryin' to keep your glasses filled, sir. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Coldly.) 
 
 I thought you were trying to be a living picture. 
 
 (He inverts his imaginary glasses and pretends to eat 
 stolidly.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (To Freddy.) 
 Why don't you say something .? 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Probably an author wouldn't, you know. He'd ex- 
 pect you to entertain him. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Mercy! what will I do ? He's got to say something to 
 start me off, hasn't he ^ 
 
 [148] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 No, you've got to start him off. Go ahead. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Timidly.^ 
 
 How do you think of all the interesting things you 
 say in your books ? 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Excellent! And sanctioned by our best traditions! 
 
 (He assumes a lofty manner, smiles condescendingly, 
 and leans toward her with interest, speaking in an 
 assumed voice.^ 
 
 Ah — what special book have you in mind ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Artificially.) 
 I'm reading The Iron Woman now. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (In his natural voice.) 
 
 Great heavens ! That won't do. You must speak to 
 him about one of his own books ! He doesn't care 
 about any one else's books! 
 
 [149] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 {Feebly.) 
 
 But I haven't read none — any — of his books. I only 
 got back from Washington at three o'clock. 
 
 Freddy 
 (Gloomily, rising and regarding her.) 
 Then you're done for! You ought to be reading one 
 now. You ought to have one in each hand. You 
 could have talked to him about them all through 
 dinner, and he'd have been a perfectly happy man. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Perhaps I could give him the one-minute Shake- 
 speare talk Mrs. Dean taught me. I've only read 
 "Hamlet" and "Romeo," though. Heaven knows 
 what I'd say if he asked me about any of the rest. 
 
 Freddy 
 Wouldn't do at all — not to another author. Sure to 
 make him jealous. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Restlesslyy to Miss Herrick, who is hard at work at 
 
 her desk.) 
 Isn't it time yet for Colonel Belden ? 
 
 [150] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 He may be five minutes late. Are you sure Senator 
 Dixon is coming ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 No — but I think he'll come. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Meantime, here's this dinner. Let's go on with that. 
 
 (They resume their places at the imaginary table. 
 Freddy helps himself to an imaginary dish, served 
 by Miss Jefferson, at his left.) 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 (7^0 Freddy, in a hoarse aside.) 
 
 Don't eat all the food, sir. There's bother guests 
 
 present. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 Thomas, what did you do before you began to buttle .? 
 Shovel coal ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Yes, sir. The arm swing comes in 'andy while 
 servin' you, sir. 
 
 (She shovels imaginary food on his plate.) 
 
 [151] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I don't suppose I ever will remember whether you eat 
 out or eat in with your knives and forks, though Mrs. 
 Dean tells me every day. What's that fork for, 
 Freddy .? 
 (She indicates a spot. They both look.) 
 
 Freddy 
 That .? Prunes ! But here's the one that will puzzle 
 you. 
 
 (He points it out.) 
 
 When you see that fork, Mrs. Dixon — that little one 
 with the crimpy sides, shun it! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Why.? 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (In solemn tones.) 
 
 That's the fork they all ask about in the Ladies' Home 
 Journal. 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon looks at the spot with round eyes. Then 
 she springs to her feet.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Good heavens, how nervous I am ! In the next half 
 hour I've got to save my husband an' my country. 
 An' here I am wastin' time on table manners ! 
 
 [152] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Tim 
 {Entering.^ 
 Colonel Belden's here, Miss Herrick. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Rising.^ 
 
 Why, Uncle, how formal you are ! 
 {Colonel Belden — a handsome, middle-aged military 
 man — follows close behind Tim. Miss Herrick 
 greets him affectionately. Mrs. Dixon turns to him 
 eagerly. He shakes hands with her with evident 
 pleasure.^ 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (To Airs. Dixon?) 
 
 Senator Dixon left Washington this morning. He 
 
 will be in this office at four o'clock. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Good ! 
 
 Freddy 
 
 The rest of you may stay while Mrs. Dixon and 
 father give me their entire confidence. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You impudent young cub ! Clear out, now, while 
 your elders take up the serious business of hfe. 
 
 [153] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 Will you come too, Virginia ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 (Glancing at Mrs. Dixon.^ 
 
 Not being urged to stay, I will go to the inner office 
 
 and keep you company. 
 
 (Exit Freddy and Miss Jefferson.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Turning to Miss Herrick and Colonel Belden.) 
 What a trump you have been. Miss Herrick! And 
 you, too. Colonel! If I spent the rest of my life 
 thanking you both for all you have done I couldn't 
 say enough. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 We're very proud of you, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Wait till you see how I come through the next half 
 hour. The hardest work of my life is cut out for me 
 right here and now. 
 
 [154] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 It's a big job. Kirby's as clever as they make them. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 It makes my soul sick when I look into the net 
 Freddy talks about, and see Kirby and Mrs. Gordon 
 and a dozen others squirming at the bottom of it — ^ 
 with Joe Dixon ready to fall in next. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 He hasn't fallen yet. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Grimly.^ 
 
 No. He's to fall at seven o'clock. 
 {Looking at her watch.) 
 It's four now. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Good heavens ! Why aren't you still in Washington, 
 with all that going on .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 It ain't going on in Washington. It's going on in 
 New York — to-night! Kirby's here to give a big 
 dinner to the syndicate that's back of his bill. They 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 need one more vote. They've got to get it before 
 Congress adjourns this week! 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (To Miss Herrick.^ 
 
 They expect to get it from Senator Dixon. He came 
 to NeviA York to go to the dinner. That's how I 
 managed to make the appointment with him. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Looking at her watch. ^ 
 He's late. 
 
 Tim 
 
 (Entering!) 
 
 Senator Dixon's here, Miss Herrick. He says he ex- 
 pects to meet Colonel Belden. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 One moment, Tim. 
 
 (She turns to Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Colonel, tell him all we know, but don't mention me. 
 I'll wait outside. I can't see Joe yet. 
 (She goes out.) 
 
 [156] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Ask Senator Dixon to come in, Tim. 
 (Exit Tim. Senator Dixon and Mrs. Gordon enter. 
 Dixon IS a superb type of the Western American, 
 handsome, well dressed, and extremely well satisfied 
 with himself. He speaks with crisp authority, and 
 evidently expects to be listened to.^ 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (Advancing.^ 
 
 Senator, Fve invited you here at the request of a 
 friend of yours, to give you some important in- 
 formation. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Shaking hands.^ 
 
 That sounds good. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Much of the information is confidential. My niece. 
 Miss Herrick (Dixon and Miss Herrick bow\ knows 
 the facts, but — I thought you would be alone. 
 
 (He glances at Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Colonel, this lady is Mrs. Herbert Gordon, of Wash- 
 ington. I'm willing to trust her with any secrets of 
 mine. 
 
 [157] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 [Bowing to the lady?) 
 
 ['11 say this much. Senator, you're here in New York 
 to go to Kirby's dinner to-night. If you go it will 
 be a big mistake. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Fm not good at puzzles, Belden. What's the answer ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 {Coolly.^ 
 I will tell you. This is a plan of the opposition. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 We haven't time to mince words, Senator. Kirby and 
 his crowd are trying to drag you into what is nothing 
 more nor less than a swindle. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Be careful, Belden. You're talking about my friends 
 and associates. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Then you choose your friends carelessly. The men 
 back of that Park bill are Kirby, a grafter and a 
 
 [158] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 hypocrite; Matthews, whose own State has turned 
 him down; Jackson, a self-confessed har and trick- 
 ster. You're in bad company, Senator Dixon. It's 
 time you knew it. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Belden, I didn't come here to-day to Hsten to your 
 opinions of my poHtical associates. I've got my own 
 opinions. It will take more than yours to change 
 them. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 This is not clever of you, Colonel. I thought you 
 could do better. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Yes, Belden, drop your little "Who's Who" and come 
 to the point. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 The point is that Kirby's National Park bill is a 
 colossal steal. Are you going to vote for it ^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Really, I'm enjoying this. It's so artless! 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 I see you are interested. Frankly, Mrs. Gordon, it is 
 generally understood that you are lobbying for 
 Kirby^s bill. 
 
 [159] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 "Lobbying" is an unpleasant word, Colonel. I am 
 interested in the bill, like every one else who believes 
 in conservation. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Has Senator Dixon asked you to come on from 
 Washington to advise with us ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (^Languidly.) 
 
 I'm afraid I shouldn't have thought the consultation 
 sufficiently important. No, Colonel, I'm in New 
 York on other business. I met Senator Dixon on 
 the train. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Suavely.) 
 An interesting coincidence! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Smiling at her.) 
 
 Wasn't It .? So fortunate. He mentioned this ap- 
 pointment with Colonel Belden. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 And I asked Mrs. Gordon to come here with me. 
 (^He turns to Belden.) 
 
 [i6o] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 I don't like your manner, Belden. Now, I want you 
 to understand just where Mrs. Gordon stands in this 
 matter. She has spent her Hfe in Washington. She 
 knows statesmen and national politics from A to Z. 
 Fm a greenhorn, and I know it. Mrs. Gordon has 
 taught me a lot. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I never met a new-comer who learned so fast. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 That's because you never met another one that had 
 
 such a good teacher. 
 
 (To Belden?) 
 
 Washington is full of tricky ways and jealousy and 
 
 backbiting. I found myself in the thick of it. How 
 
 could I know who was honest and who wasn't ? 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 I invited you here to-day to give you a short and ac- 
 curate list of some who are not honest. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Thanks. FU listen to you, or to anybody, if you'll 
 remember that it's facts I want, not theories. 
 II [i6i] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Theories are Colonel Belden's specialty, Senator. 
 {To BeUen.) 
 
 Pardon me if I put Senator Dixon in touch with your 
 political record. Your interest in his affairs makes 
 it necessary. You began as a leading spirit in the 
 League for Good Government. Good Government! 
 It was a beautiful title, but what you did was so 
 childish that very soon the newspapers began to call 
 you Goo-Goos. Goo Goo! A baby gurgling in his 
 cradle couldn't have been more blind to things as 
 they are. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 {Laughing.) 
 
 That's right out from the shoulder, Belden. But 
 notice that the blow ain't given behind your back. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Stiffly.) 
 The lady is at liberty to express her opinion. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Still laughing and regarding Mrs. Gordon ad- 
 miringly.) 
 By George! she seems to be. 
 
 [162] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 I haven't quite finished my brief biographical sketch. 
 To-day, Colonel, your infant organization can't even 
 say, "goo goo"! It has been put into a nice little 
 white coffin — and buried! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Cheerfully. ~) 
 
 Got anything to say, Belden .? We're here for a talk, 
 you know. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Smiling at him.) 
 
 Pardon. I still have the floor. Colonel Belden next 
 
 shone in the administration of a reform Mayor of 
 
 New York. 
 
 (To Belden.) 
 
 Your blindness to facts soon disgusted the very 
 
 people who had voted you iiito office. So the next 
 
 election was a landslide for the grafters. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (Suavely.) 
 
 I'm glad you remember that, Mrs. Gordon. Several 
 of your friends, stanch supporters now of Kirby's 
 bill, got offices that time, and fattened visibly on them. 
 
 [163] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 So the goo goos gurgled. But the gurgles were like 
 your assertions of to-day — theories, Colonel, not 
 facts. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Coolly.) 
 
 Senator Traynor was one of the little Jack Horners 
 who stuck a thumb into that pie. There was proof 
 enough that he pulled out some plums. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 You see, Senator Dixon ? I told you they would 
 bring up Traynor before they got through. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (With sudden dignity.) 
 
 Colonel Belden, Mrs. Gordon has explained that 
 Traynor matter to my entire satisfaction. It hap- 
 pened in her extreme youth, and she believed in his 
 bill. She was deceived in the character of Traynor. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Smiling.) 
 
 The Traynor episode happened exactly three years 
 ago. 
 
 [164] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Smiling hack insolently.^ 
 What a memory! 
 (To Dixon?) 
 
 The important fact is that I had to deal with a man 
 steeped in duplicity. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (To Dixon.) 
 
 The fact I am trying to drive home is that Mrs. 
 Gordon's present associates — the prime movers in 
 the Kirby bill — are of the same stripe as the notorious 
 Traynor. They're for graft — first, last, always. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Do you suppose I haven't heard that talk before ? 
 I have. I've even talked it over with the men them- 
 selves. They know what their enemies are saying. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Am I to understand, Senator Dixon, that you referred 
 the question of Kirby's honesty to Kirby himself? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Losing his temper.) 
 
 Who the devil would I go to if not to Kirby .? 
 
 [165] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Horrified at himself.^ 
 
 Excuse me, Mrs. Gordon, Miss Herrick. 
 
 (To Belden.^ 
 
 What I mean is that after I had heard what his 
 
 enemies said I went to Kirby and Hstened to his side. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You liked his side better ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I found it more convincing, sir. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Then you didn't consult the men in Washington who 
 think as we do of Kirby's crowd .? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 A strong man does not take counsel of his enemies. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 A wise man takes counsel wherever he can get it 
 before he decides who are his enemies. 
 
 [i66] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Great Scott! I didn't have to consult either side. 
 They all came to me hotfoot with their different 
 stories. I got it day and night. Of course, Belden, 
 you realize that there's a big fight over this thing, with 
 strong men on both sides. Naturally, it all rattled 
 me — new as I was in the field. But Mrs. Gordon 
 helped me to get things clear in my mind. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Thank you. Senator. That helps me to endure this 
 trying interview. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I was wrong to ask you to come here. 
 (To Belden.^ 
 
 We're going round like squirrels in a cage, Belden. 
 Let's get somewhere or quit trying. Here's where I 
 stand. I've heard both sides of the Kirby matter. 
 I've weighed the evidence. Now, I believe in Kirby 
 and his bill — and it's going to take more than you've 
 shown me yet to shake that belief. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 We have some facts right here that are new to you, I 
 think. 
 
 [167J 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (He picks up the blue paper.) 
 Moreover, there's an element in the case — 
 (^He breaks off and adds) 
 
 I do full justice to Mrs. Gordon's charm and ability. 
 But in this matter, Senator, her advice is not disin- 
 terested. She has too much at stake. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (^With concentrated anger.) 
 
 I suppose you mean well, Belden, but you're going 
 too far. As for that stuff — (he indicates the blue 
 manuscript still in Belden s hand) — I ain't got time 
 to read it. 
 
 (Mrs. Gordon shows great relief. She flashes a 
 triumphant glance at the Colonel.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Let him run on, Senator. He interests me. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Going to her, taking her hand, and speaking with 
 
 deep feeling.) 
 Mrs. Gordon, we owe you an apology for even speak- 
 ing about such things. I oughtn't to have listened. 
 But one thing I guess you know. Nothing he says 
 can make me believe — 
 
 [i68] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I'm not afraid. I know I am safe in your hands. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 You may feel pretty sure of that. There ain't many 
 
 things in life more certain. 
 
 (Abruptly.) 
 
 We don't know much about each other, Belden, 
 
 but the more I think of what you have said, the more 
 
 I resent it. It's an outrage. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Keeping his temper.) 
 
 Hold on. Senator. Be good enough to remember 
 that this is not my affair. I have told you only what 
 your friend asked me to say to you. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Interrupting fiercely^ 
 To hell with that friend! 
 (Again horrified at himself.) 
 Excuse me, Mrs. Gordon, Miss Herrick. 
 (To Belden.) 
 
 When I want my friends to butt into my private busi- 
 ness I'll let 'em know. Tell that interferin' fool I 
 said so, whoever he is! 
 
 [169] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (^Coldly.) 
 
 Better wait a bit, Dixon. If you would read this 
 statement it would put a different light on things. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 The opposition must be getting desperate when they 
 resort to methods like this. Shall we go ? I'm sure 
 you don't care to waste more time. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I want to get out of here as quick as I can. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 We're doing you a good turn. In common justice 
 you owe us a chance to prove what we say. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Grimly.) 
 
 All right. Go ahead. Prove it! The quicker, the 
 better. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Here's the statement. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Taking the statement, glancing over it, and handing 
 It hack.) 
 
 [170] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Looks like the same old stuff. I can't stop to read 
 thirty pages of typewritin'. I've got a dinner en- 
 gagement. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Grimly.) 
 
 I know you have. Can't you understand, Dixon, 
 that if you go to that dinner and the newspapers re- 
 port your presence, as they will do, you will be 
 regarded as one of Kirby's backers .? For God's sake, 
 man, and for the sake of your political future, stop 
 and see the position you are in ! Kirby and his gang 
 are desperate. They are closing in around you like 
 a pack of wolves. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Why are you in this .? Who's my mysterious friend .? 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You'll know later. Won't you read this statement .? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I'll be hanged if I do! I've had enough of this in- 
 fernal nonsense. 
 (Apologetically.) 
 
 Excuse me for gettin' excited, Mrs. Gordon, but this 
 
 [171] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 thing has riled me up. If you knew how sick I am of 
 the Kirby bill! Til be glad when it's passed. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You'll be a lot more sick of it then than now. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Come, Senator. Surely we need not stay here longer. 
 (He turns to her.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 We'll go. 
 
 (They start toward the door \right\ They are thus 
 with their hacks toward the upper door [left], which 
 now opens suddenly, admitting Mrs. Dixon. She 
 IS obviously in great mental excitement. Seeing 
 the group at the other door, she slips along the side 
 of the room and seats herself in a chair sheltered by 
 Ruth Herrick's desk. Miss Herrick and Colonel 
 Belden see her. The others do not.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Icily, as they go.) 
 
 How much do you suppose they're getting paid for 
 this, Senator ? 
 
 [172] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 {Incisively.^ 
 
 Dixon, are you afraid to read the truth ? So far 
 we have assumed that you are an honest man who 
 is being fooled. But — 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Turning and going toward him.) 
 Stop right there ! No man shall say a thing like that 
 to me! What d'ye mean by it ? 
 {Colonel Belden steps aside quickly.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 {With great uneasiness.) 
 Senator, I beg you to come. Don't quarrel here. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 {To Belden.) 
 
 ril settle with you later for that insult. As for your 
 confounded statement, I wouldn't read it if I had a 
 thousand years to do it in! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 {Emerging from behind the desk and coming toward 
 him.) 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Yes you will, Joel Dixon! You'll read it right now! 
 (She takes the statement from Belden and offers it to 
 
 her husband. He starts hack, staring, unable to 
 
 believe the evidence of his senses.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Harriet! You! You! Harriet! 
 
 (He looks her up and down froin head to foot, approach- 
 ing her as he does so. Then, fiercely, after he has 
 taken in the great change in her appearance.^ 
 
 What are you doing here ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Fery quietly.) 
 I'm studyin' the Kirby bill, for one thing. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I didn't know you were in New York. You don't 
 understand this, Harriet — 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Slowly.) 
 
 I understand it a good deal better than you do. I am 
 the friend who got that statement. I brought you 
 here to read it! Take it. 
 
 [174] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Impressively.^ 
 Fve had enough of this, Senator. I wish to go. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Which will you listen to, Joe } 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 You mustn't interfere in this matter, Harriet. 
 
 (To Mrs. Gordon.^ 
 
 This is my wife. 
 
 (He looks from one to the other. ^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 We have met before. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Ignoring her.) 
 Joel, read that statement! 
 
 (He takes it slowly, as if hypnotized, his eyes on his 
 wife's face.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Aren't you forgetting your decision. Senator ^ Why 
 waste time on that ? 
 
 [175] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 By George, this Kirby business will drive me crazy! 
 (He hurls the statement down on the table.^ 
 But I've taken my stand. I'll keep it. I'm ready, 
 Mrs. Gordon. 
 (He starts to go.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Joel, listen to me. Mr. Rathburn, the Washington 
 correspondent of the New York Planet, will vouch 
 for the truth of every word in that statement. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Stopping suddenly.) 
 
 Rathburn! I know Rathburn. What's he got to do 
 with it ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Calmly.) 
 A good deal. He wrote it! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 He did, eh ? 
 (Quickly.) 
 Is the Planet going to publish it .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 What's that got to do with it ? 
 
 [176] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 A whole lot. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Would you believe it quicker if it was printed in the 
 
 Planet? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 You bet I would ! A reporter can amuse himself, if he 
 wants to, writing charges against public men and 
 letting 'em lay around. But if a newspaper prints 
 'em and they ain't true, that paper's got to stand a 
 libel suit. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Excitedly.^ 
 
 Is it coming out in the Planet? 
 (Calming herself.^ 
 
 But how absurd ! Of course the Planet isn't anxious 
 for a libel suit. 
 {Senator Dixon glances at her sharply.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I don't believe all I read in the newspapers by a long 
 shot. But the Planet is pretty rehable. If it pub- 
 lished that — 
 
 [177] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Eagerly.^ 
 
 Would it change your stand-pat ideas on the Kirby 
 bill ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I reckon it might. 
 {Imperiously?) 
 
 Here, tell me. Is the Planet going to publish that 
 article .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Firmly?) 
 Yes. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 When .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 To-morrow morning! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 By Jove! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 A likely story. Prove it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I'm not tryin' to prove anything to you, Mrs. Gordon. 
 I'm talkin' to my husband. 
 
 [178] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (To Dixon?) 
 
 Oh, don't you see ? It's all to gain time. If that was 
 coming out to-morrow she wouldn't have the manu- 
 script here. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That's only a copy. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Then why haven't you proof-sheets or something to 
 show .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 It ain't in type yet. The proof-sheets are coming 
 
 later. 
 
 (To Dtxon.) 
 
 I'm sorry they won't get here in time for you to see 
 
 'em. Won't you read the statement instead ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 No. If those proofs are coming here, I'll wait for 
 them if it takes all night. I want to get to the bot- 
 tom of this business now. 
 (To Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 If the Planet has taken it up it looks serious. 
 (He sits down, as if for an indefinite wait.) 
 
 [179] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Tim 
 
 (Entering.^ 
 
 Senator Kirby's on the main telephone, Miss Her- 
 rick. He wants to speak to Senator Dixon. 
 (Dixon rises y in surprise.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 How the deuce did Kirby know I was here ? I 
 didn't tell him I was coming. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I did. May I come too ? I want a word with you. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Looking at her sharply.^ 
 Of course, Mrs. Gordon. 
 
 (His manner has changed, he coming not exactly 
 suspicious, but very thoughtful. He opens the door 
 for her, and when she has passed through he follows 
 her.) 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You're in a tight pocket, Mrs. Dixon. Fll go to the 
 Planet office and see if I can persuade Hotchkiss, the 
 editor, to publish this story to-morrow. But I'm not 
 hopeful. He swore yesterday he would not touch it. 
 (lie reaches for the copy.) 
 
 [i8o] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Don't take that. It's all we've got. Rathburn has 
 another copy. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Very well. Good-bye, then. Can you think of 
 anything else I can do ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Nothing, thank you. 
 
 (Colonel Belden goes out. Mrs. Dixon goes hurriedly 
 to Miss Herrick's desk.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 We've got a minute to plan. What '11 I do — oh, 
 
 what '11 I do .? 
 
 (She absently picks up the manuscript containing the 
 Kirby statement, also some of Miss Herrick's proofs, 
 glances thoughtfully from one to the other, and as 
 she looks at them an inspiration comes to her. 
 Her whole manner changes. She drops the proofs, 
 turns to Miss Herrick with swift authority, and 
 offers her the blue statement.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Miss Herrick, could you have this put into type 
 
 [i8i] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 up-stairs and get proof-sheets that would look like 
 they came from the Planet office ? 
 (Miss Herrick stares at her a second, then catches the 
 idea.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Yes. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 How quick could you do it ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Grasping the manuscript.) 
 
 I'll have it done within ten minutes if it takes every 
 man in the composing-room! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Good! Send it up! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Snatching her blue pencil.) 
 
 I must build a newspaper head for it — the big, sen- 
 sational head-lines newspapers use, you know. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Yes, yes ! Make the top line tell about Kirby stealing 
 a million! 
 
 [182] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Writing and reading the line aloud.^ 
 
 "KIRBY'S MILLION-DOLLAR STEAL!" 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Leaning over her.) 
 Good! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Reading the head-lines as fast as she writes them.) 
 
 "THOUSANDS FOR HIS FRIENDS, TOO, IF 
 
 HIS NATIONAL PARK BILL GOES 
 
 THROUGH" 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That's it! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 "jackson and matthews in the deal" 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Yes, yes! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 "the inside story of a philanthropist's efforts 
 
 TO DO HIS countrymen GOOd!" 
 
 [183] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 That's fine! Now rush it up. 
 
 (Miss Herrick pins the sheet with the head-lines to the 
 manuscript, folds them, and sends the package up 
 the tube. Then she turns to the speaking-tube. As 
 she does so Mrs. Dixon goes to the door of the outer 
 office, and Freddy enters from the inner room. 
 Neither Miss Herrick nor Mrs. Dixon sees htm. 
 He stands silent, listening.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 {Softly speaking through the tube.) 
 The foreman, please. 
 (She waits.) 
 
 Mr. Jackson, do me a good turn. I've just sent you 
 a manuscript with unusual headlines. Set it in six 
 or seven minutes if it takes every man in the place. 
 It's vital. Don't stop to ask questions. Make the 
 head-lines as striking as you can — big, black type. 
 Copy the Planet's style. I'll explain later. Thank 
 you. 
 
 (As she turns away, Mrs. Dixon opens the door and 
 calls softly into the outer office.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Time 
 
 [184] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Tim enters.^ 
 
 Tim, how far is the Planet office from here ? 
 
 Tim 
 *Bout two blocks. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Run over there and find Colonel Belden. Tell him 
 I want a big envelope with the Planet printed on it 
 — the kind they send proof-sheets in. If he isn't 
 there get one from Mr. Rathburn or some one else. 
 
 Tim 
 Yes'm. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 When you get it run back here, and get the new 
 proofs Mr. Jackson will have ready for Miss Herrick 
 up in the composing-room. Put the proofs in the 
 envelope. Then seal it, write my name on it, and 
 bring it in here to me. Got that straight .? 
 (Tim glances at Miss Herrick. She nods.) 
 
 Tim 
 Yes'm. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 If you do it just the way Tve told you to, I'll give you 
 five dollars. 
 
 [185] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Tim 
 Say, Fd do it for nothin'. 
 {Quickly, lest this noble attitude should he misinter~ 
 
 preted.) 
 But I kin use the money. 
 (Exit Tim.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Contentedly.) 
 
 Now Joe Dixon and Mrs. Gordon can come back 
 just as soon as they want to. There'll be something 
 doing. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Laughing.) 
 
 There certainly will. Fm afraid you and I have 
 mislaid our moral sense. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Crossing behind her a?2d putting her hands on her 
 
 shoulders.) 
 Don't think I don't see that. It's lying, and it's 
 double-dealing, and Fm dragging you into it, too. 
 But how else can I save Joel ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Are you sure the statement is strong enough to con- 
 vince Senator Dixon when he reads it ? 
 
 [i86] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Turning to look at her.^ 
 
 Mercy! It ain't the statement that's goin* to con- 
 vince Joe. It's Mrs. Herbert Gordon. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What do you mean } 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I want her to do it for me — if I can make her. The 
 only way to get at Joe Dixon now is through Mrs. 
 Gordon. He won't beheve me. 
 (Very significantly.^ 
 When the proofs come watch her. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You're extremely clever, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Modestly.) 
 
 Oh, well ! You can't be up against men, women, wild 
 animals, and cyclones all your life without learnin' 
 somethin' about human nature. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (In a sharp whisper.) 
 I have heard all! 
 
 [187] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Joel's understudy! 
 
 Freddy 
 Joel's understudy is as bad as you are. I merely 
 want to say that if you'd like to call up Mr. Rath- 
 burn on this telephone a little later it will be safe 
 to have a talk with him. Miss MulhoUand and I 
 are the telephone-girl. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Call up Mr. Rathburn.? Oh, I see! Make Joe 
 think I'm talkin' to him. Good for the understudy! 
 Be ready. 
 (Grimly.^ 
 Everything goes, now I've started! 
 
 Freddy 
 Farewell, fellow-conspirators ! 
 
 (Jn a sepulchral whisper, as he reaches the door.) 
 Hist! Meet me under the ruined bridge at mid- 
 night. The password is Kirby. 
 
 (^He goes out with exaggerated caution. Senator 
 Dixon and Mrs. Gordon enter.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Any sign of those Planet proofs yet } 
 
 [i88] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Not yet. But they're coming! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Pardon me if I say I doubt it. Your bluff isn't good 
 enough. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'll make it good, 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 You seem very confident. 
 (Sweetly.) 
 Have you your little hatchet with you to-day .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Yes, you'll feel it soon. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Puzzled.) 
 What are you two talkin' about ? 
 
 Mrs, Gordon 
 Hatchets. Mrs. Dixon's has growa rusty. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 If it has, you'll need treatment for lockjaw a little 
 later. 
 
 [189] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (^Scandalized.) 
 
 Harriet, that's no way to talk! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (With icy .displeasure?) 
 
 I make every allowance for Mrs. Dixon's lack of social 
 experience. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Regretfully.) 
 
 Now you're getting cross. Don't you know you can 
 never accomplish anything till you learn to keep your 
 temper ? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 You're an apt pupil. I hope you have profited as 
 well by other lessons I taught you. But really your 
 hatchet is useless. I don't believe it would cut — 
 let us say a dinner engagement. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Wait and see, 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 We're waiting — but the proofs don't come. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I'll try to hurry them. 
 
 (She takes up the telephone.) 
 
 [190] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Give me the Planet office, please. 
 (She waits.^ 
 
 Is this the Planet? I want to speak to Mr. Rath- 
 burn. 
 
 (She waits.') 
 
 Is this Mr. Rathburn ? This is Mrs. Dixon. You 
 know I'm waitin' for those proofs. 
 (She listens.) 
 
 Senator Dixon is in town, and he wants to see 
 them. 
 
 (She listens.) 
 
 Yes, but that's only a copy. He wants the news- 
 paper proof so's to be sure the Planet's going to 
 print the article. Yes. I'm glad it's on the way. 
 It ought to be here now. Can you send me the 
 photograph of Matthews's check .? 
 (She listens.) 
 
 I'm sorry. I wish you could let me have it. Senator 
 Dixon wants legal evidence. Oh, you mustn't call 
 him that! Yes, I know. But you mustn't. Thank 
 you. Good-bye. 
 (She hangs up the receiver.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Uneasily.) 
 
 What did Rathburn call me ? 
 
 [191] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Blind as a bat, thick-skulled as a Patagonian, and 
 stubborn as a mule. 
 (Regretfully.^ 
 There was more, but I forget it. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 {Coldly.^ 
 
 You'd better. Has the Planet got photographs of 
 checks that were given .? 
 (To Mrs. Gordon.^ 
 Looks bad, don't it .? 
 (Mrs. Gordon shows great nervousness. Then she 
 
 pulls herself together and speaks more imperiously 
 
 than she has yet spoken.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Senator Dixon, I came here at your request. But I 
 do not intend to wait longer for a faked-up story for 
 which the Planet will pay dearly if it is published. 
 Are you ready to escort me home .? Or must I go 
 alone ^. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Why — excuse me, Mrs. Gordon. Of course I'll go 
 if you can't wait. But don't you want to wait .? I'm 
 interested in this. 
 
 [192] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Better wait, Mrs. Gordon. Those proofs will in- 
 terest you, too. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Take my word for it, those proofs won't come. 
 (Senator Dixon looks at her curiously.^ 
 
 Tim 
 
 (Entering^ 
 
 This is for you, Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 (He hands her a bulky envelope containing galley- 
 proofs,^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Looking at the envelope.^ 
 From the Planet, Here they are! 
 (She tears it open hurriedly, glances at the head-lines, 
 and hands the proofs to her husband.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Breathlessly, seeing that he is unfolding them.) 
 Let me read them, too. I must. I must! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Of course. 
 (He reads the head-ltne.) 
 
 KIRBY'S MILLION-DOLLAR STEAL! 
 
 13 [193] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (She moves close to his side, and reads the proofs with 
 him. Their faces show their emotions. The Sena- 
 tor obviously forgets the presence of the others. Sud- 
 denly he turns and stares at Mrs. Gordon as if re- 
 membering her.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 By God! I believe they're rascals! It looks like 
 they've fooled us from start to finish, Mrs. Gordon. 
 A lot of this is new to me, but it seems clear enough. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Between set teeth.) 
 Yes, Rathburn's got everything! 
 (Excitedly, still reading the proofs.) 
 Dates, the amount of the check. H'm'm, that's bad. 
 (Imperiously.) 
 
 We must warn Kirby. Perhaps he can stop the pub- 
 lication of this. He has enormous influence. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Turning to stare at her.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon! What do you mean ? You don't un- 
 derstand, and I don't wonder. Those fellows seem 
 to be a pack of thieves! They've hanged them- 
 
 [194] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 selves, and were trying to hang us. Look at this! 
 
 And this! And this! 
 
 (He shows her the proofs, pointing to certain passages^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Losing her head.^ 
 
 They've acted like fools, leaving such tracks un- 
 covered. Oh, I told Kirby that Jackson was a 
 wretched little sneak. Why didn't he listen to me ? 
 But we've got to warn him. Don't you see ^. 
 (Mrs. Dixon draws close to Miss Herrick, and nods 
 toward Mrs. Gordon as if to say " You see f"' The 
 two women never remove their eyes from Mrs. 
 Gordon until the moment of the Senator s arraign- 
 ment.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Drawing off and staring at Mrs. Gordon in con- 
 sternation.^ 
 No, I don't see. What are you saying ? It's too 
 much for me. I can't take it in. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Get Kirby on the wire again, quick! He will know 
 what to do. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 But you — you — you — ^what have you to do with this ? 
 
 [195] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Oh, do something! Do something! Can't you see 
 the position we are in ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Slowly.^ 
 
 Yes. Fm beginning to. Belden couldn't show me. 
 The Planet couldn't show me. No one but you 
 could show me. But you're doing it now. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Pulling herself together.) 
 Why, Senator — 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 So you knew Jackson was a little sneak, did you .? 
 
 So you warned Kirby! 
 
 (Explosively.) 
 
 Then you've known what they were all along! 
 
 You've been working with them! They're your 
 
 friends! You want to save them! Well, they're no 
 
 friends of mine. And you — 
 
 (He stands silent an instant ^ thinking hard. Slowly 
 his expression changes to one of entire compre- 
 hension. His voice rises as he turns upon her.) 
 [196] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 You're what Belden said you were. I couldn't be- 
 lieve it. You've been leadin' me around by the nose 
 for months, making me your tool, and tryin' to make 
 me the tool of those friends of yours. Using me! 
 Selling me out! Ready to ruin me for a few thou- 
 sand dollars! That's a knock-out blow for any man. 
 {She shrinks hack. Silently Miss Herrick withdraws. 
 
 Mrs, Dixon sits down at the desk and looks at them 
 
 thoughtfully.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Calm yourself, Senator. We're both excited, but 
 we're too good friends to — 
 (He interrupts her.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Friends! I guess not. Never again! Those other 
 fellows are your friends. They're the ones you've 
 been helping. 
 (He laughs savagely.) 
 
 I've had my lesson. Most any one can fool me once, 
 I guess, but the same person can't fool me twice. 
 You've killed my friendship. 
 (His voice changes.) 
 
 You've killed other things, too — my faith in you. I 
 thought you was on a pinnacle above the rest of the 
 
 [197] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 world. I thought you was the kind of woman poets 
 write about. You meant everything to me, and you 
 sold me out. It's over. I'm through. 
 (He goes to the door, opens it, and waits for her to pass. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Pausing at the door.) 
 
 When you think this over coolly you may see things 
 
 differently, Senator. Then perhaps you will listen to 
 
 me. 
 
 (Senator Dixon turns from her with evident repug- 
 nance. She wincesy then turns to Mrs. Dixon, who 
 rises and comes toward her.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Good-bye, Mrs. Dixon. I hardly hope for the pleas- 
 ure of another meeting. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Quietly.) 
 
 No, I'm going to bury that little hatchet — unless you 
 want it as a souvenir. 
 (Exit Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Slowly approaching his wife.) 
 If I could be surprised at anything now, I'd be 
 
 [198] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 surprised at you! How you have changed! You 
 look Hke the girl I married! 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon looks at her husband with the scorn she 
 feels.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 How do you think you look to me ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Hanging his head.) 
 
 Like a fool ! You can't be harder on me than I am 
 on myself. There was a good deal coming to me, and 
 I got it. Tm sorry I couldn't take it alone. I made 
 you suffer, too. I want to make it up to you. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Do you know why you want to, Joel ? I'll tell you. 
 (She approaches him and looks him straight in the 
 
 eye.) 
 First of all, because you've been thrown down and 
 tramped on, an' you want to run to me for comfort, 
 like you've always done. Next, you want it because 
 I look younger and prettier; because I've got on a 
 French hat and some new clothes; because my hair 
 is fashionable and my complexion is better than it 
 was. That's why! 
 (Slowly.) 
 
 [199] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 You can get all that somewhere else. Under these 
 new clothes I'm the same woman you got tired of, 
 and neglected. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (With sudden heat.) 
 
 You're not the same woman you were, and it's not 
 clothes and hair that's changed you. For twenty 
 years you stood still, Harriet. Now you've begun to 
 move. That's where the change is. Why didn't 
 you do it sooner ? You and me started together. 
 I worked all day and studied half the night. I 
 grubbed and sweated and chmbed. What did you 
 do .? You peeled potatoes. That was right. We 
 needed them. You stood by and did your share. 
 But then I got ahead. I made money. I hired 
 servants for you. I gave you a fine house and 
 opportunities. Did you take them .? No. You 
 kept right on peeling potatoes. We didn't need 
 them then; we needed something else. That's the 
 time you didn't stand by; you didn't do your share. 
 Then I met another kind of woman. It was a 
 new experience to me. It swept me off my feet, 
 as it's swept many a man before me. 
 {He stops and adds in a different tone.) 
 
 [200] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Isn't there something to be said for me ? Ain't we 
 both to blame ? Let's start over and do better. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 We can't wipe out this last half hour. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (^Slowly.) 
 
 It ain't just this last half hour that's changed you. 
 It's the last two months. What started you off in the 
 first place — leavin' home and comin' to New York 
 and dressin' yourself up like this when you never did 
 it for me in the old days .? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Don't you know why I did it .? Don't you know who 
 I did it for .? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Is there some one else .? Some one you've met here .? 
 By God, I believe there is ! Who is it .? 
 {With sudden conviction.^ 
 
 It's Belden — that's who it is! I was a fool not to 
 see it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Furiously.^ 
 
 Now at last you've finished your work ! You've done 
 it up brown! It wasn't enough to break my heart. 
 
 [201] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 It wasn't enough to drag me through the dust before 
 that woman and my friends! It wasn't enough to 
 make me a coward that trembled for fear of losin' 
 you, and a har that hed to save you! No! You've 
 got to insult me, too! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Harriet! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Get out of this room! Get out of my life! 
 {Her voice breaks.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Harriet! You don't mean that! Why, you're crying! 
 (He tries to take her hands.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Pushing him away and speaking with intense 
 
 conviction.) 
 Don't touch me! Don't come near me! And don't 
 fool yourself! I ain't cryin' for you, Joel Dixon. 
 I'm cryin' for the man I thought you were. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Suspiciously.) 
 What are you going to do ? 
 
 [202] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Fm goln' to lead my own life. It took me a long 
 time to start — you're right about that. But Fm off 
 now and Fll never stop. Fm through with you, I 
 tell you. Fm through with your potatoes and your 
 politics and you. Now go. 
 
 (She motions toward the door. With a quick move- 
 ment Dixon seizes his hat, turns on his heel, and 
 goes out as 
 
 THE CURTAIN FALLS 
 
ACT IV 
 
ACT IV 
 
 Time: — An evening in October. 
 
 Scene: — Mrs. Dixon's apartment on Gramercy Park, 
 New York. The rise of the curtain shows a charm- 
 ing living-room, with good pictures, and with many 
 well-filled book-shelves against the walls. A great 
 window at the rear looks out on the park. Through 
 it is seen the tower of the Metropolitan Building, 
 with Its illuminated clock. A grand piano stands in 
 the right [upper] corner. Logs burn in the fire- 
 place \left\. Before it is a large davenport, on 
 which Freddy and Virginia are sitting. At the 
 end of the davenport is a table containing books, 
 magazines, and a reading-lamp. At the other end 
 \down\ IS an easy-chair. At the right [down] sit 
 Mrs. Dean and Colonel Belden, deep in a game of 
 cards. As the curtain rises Miss Herrick is at the 
 piano, playing a dreamy waltz. All are in evening 
 dress. Annie, Mrs. Dixon s maid, is removing the 
 coffee cups. Miss Herrick stops playing, rises, and 
 comes forward. 
 
 [207] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 This is what comes of being neighborly in New York! 
 Who but Mrs. Dixon would dream of such a thing ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 (Languidly.^ 
 Why this cryptic utterance, Ruth ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Tm not cryptic. I'm grumbling. Here's our hostess 
 torn from the dinner-table to comfort a sick neighbor 
 across the hall, and here are we left lamenting. 
 
 Freddy 
 I'm not lamenting. Virginia, if you will turn one 
 inch more toward me I will look deep into your eyes, 
 the way they do in books. 
 (To Miss Herrick.^ 
 Run away, Ruth. We're busy. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Of course! You four are utterly absorbed in each 
 other. But what about me ? 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 You chose your lonely spinster path. Now look 
 at us and gnash your teeth. 
 
 [208] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (She plays the last card in her hand and draws in the 
 
 trick. To Colonel Belden.) 
 Game ! 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Yes, Ruth, study the two happy couples before you 
 and learn too late what life really means. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 It seems to mean a selfish absorption In each other, 
 since your engagement, and a complete Indifference 
 to everybody else. 
 
 (Enter Annie, Mrs. Dixon s maid. She has a card 
 on a tray, which she offers to Miss Herrick.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Taking the card?) 
 For me, Annie ^. 
 
 Annie 
 
 Yes'm. The lady asked if you were here. When I 
 said you were she sent In the card. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Reading the card aloud. ^ 
 
 Mrs. James Montmorency Mulligan! I never even 
 
 heard of the woman. 
 
 14 [209] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Annie 
 She said, miss, if you didn't remember her I was to 
 say her name was Mulholland before she got married. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Of course ! Clarice ! I had forgotten ! 
 {To Colonel Belden^ 
 
 She married a Far Western millionaire a month ago, 
 and has been away on her honeymoon. But what 
 can she want with me .? 
 (To Annte.) 
 I will see her. 
 (Exit Jennie.) 
 
 Freddy 
 (Excitedly, rising.) 
 
 Clarice in all her new war-paint. By Jove, what fun ! 
 Fm glad Fm here! 
 
 (Enter Miss Mulholland, now Mrs. Mulligan. She 
 is dressed in the extreme of Pans fashion. She 
 wears an exquisite wrap, which she throws hack, 
 revealing herself in full evening dress, cut very 
 decollete. On her head is a jeweled tiara, and on 
 her throat a diamond necklace. She also wears 
 numerous long, jeweled chains and carries a lorgnette. 
 Diamond bracelets sparkle on her arms. She ap- 
 proaches Miss Herrick with languid ease, moving 
 [210] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 slowly, that the full effect of her appearance may 
 hurst upon observers?) 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (With great elegance!) 
 Good-evenin', Miss Herrick! 
 (In her natural tones, as they shake hands!) 
 Say,, Fm awful glad to see you. Excuse me for 
 buttin' in like this. But I got somethin' special to 
 tell you. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Cordially!) 
 
 Fm very glad to see you, Mrs. Mulligan. I think 
 you know Mrs. Dean, Miss Jefferson, Colonel 
 Belden — 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (Bowing elegantly!) 
 
 Well, I guess yes. Colonel Belden give me a dinner 
 once. And, oh, the way he done it! 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Laughing, hut embarrassed!) 
 I remember that, very pleasantly. 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (To Colonel Belden!) 
 
 [211] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 A hiatus in those lonely evenings I heard so much 
 about! 
 
 Freddy 
 Was that you, dad ? 
 {To Virginia.^ 
 
 "He never said one word!" How d'ye do, Miss 
 Mulholland ?— Mrs. MulHgan, I mean! 
 (He approaches her with outstretched hand. Mrs. 
 . Mulligan raises her lorgnette and surveys him 
 severely through it.) 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (To Miss Her rick.') 
 Some gentleman friend of yourn, I infer, 
 
 Freddy 
 (Stunned.) 
 Why, Clarice! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Amused.) 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan, my cousin, Mr. Belden, 
 (Mrs. Mulligan hows with great hauteur. Freddy 
 hows very formally, retreats to the davenport, sits 
 down, and huries his face in a sofa-cushion^ 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (7*0 Miss Herrick.) 
 
 [212] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Say, it was hard luck to get Mulligan for a name, 
 wasn't it ? It was the only cheap present Jim ever 
 give me, but it looks fine on checks. Jim's my hus- 
 band — James Montmorency. Like that part of it ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Very much. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 His name's really James Michael Mulligan, but I 
 couldn't stand for that. I told him he had to break 
 away from all he could of it, and buy some visitin'- 
 cards. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 You seem very happy, Mrs. Mulligan. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 Why wouldn't I be .? Did you ever see so many good 
 clothes on one person at one time ? 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 You positively dazzle us! 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (Pleased.) 
 
 It's the diamonds does that. This is only one of the 
 
 [213] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 movin'-picture shows I'm givin' at the Waldorf these 
 nights. We're stoppin' there this week. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (To Virginia.^ 
 
 That explains the crowds on Thirty-fourth Street. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (Ignoring him.^ 
 
 Jim trims me up like I was a Christmas tree. He'd 
 hang pearls on me like strings of popcorn, but I won't 
 let him. Taste is my motto, I tell him — taste an 
 moderation. Like my dress, Freddy ? 
 (She approaches him, smiling.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 (Reviving, jumping up and going to her.) 
 
 It's simply great. But why did you cut me dead ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 I was just gettin' a rise out of you ! 
 
 (She turns to the others.) 
 
 Say, I'm in luck. I didn't expect to find you all here. 
 
 Now I can say good-bye to every one. 
 
 (Elegantly.) 
 
 [214] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 We're sailing for Europe to-morrow on the Olympic. 
 We got four rooms — an two baths! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 For Europe! That^s very nice. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 Ain't it? There was a girl at our hotel table in 
 Atlantic City. She was just back from Rome. 
 All she talked about was the cattycombs there. I 
 was wild. 
 
 Freddy 
 Why ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 I knew she meant the shell combs. But I couldn't 
 find none here and I didn't want to ask no questions. 
 Finally Jim says, "Come to Rome, Clarice, and I'll 
 buy ye every cattycomb they got." So we're goin'. 
 That's Jim. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 
 Marriage isn't a failure, is it .? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 You bet it ain't. The beauty business was. So was 
 
 [215] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 literachoor. God knows, I thought men was fail- 
 ures, too; but Jim's different, somehow. 
 
 Freddy 
 Like me. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 Not so you'd notice, it, Freddy ! My husband's made 
 his pile, an' all we got to do is spend it. But I'd 
 married him if he hadn't a cent. The minute he 
 turned his lamps my way all the other lights went 
 out for me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I think you said there was something you wanted to 
 tell me. Shall we go into another room o^ 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 No, I'll get it off my lungs right here. I feel pretty 
 bad about it. I guess I helped to mix things up. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 What things .? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 I'll tell you, and you can do the rest. I ran against 
 Senator Dixon in Central Park this afternoon. 
 
 [216] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 Senator Dixon ? I thought he was in Oklahoma ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 He got here yesterday. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Of course, he wants to be in Washington when Con- 
 gress convenes, next week. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 I didn't think you knew Senator Dixon. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 I met him the day he come to the office in June to 
 talk to Mrs. Dixon. He hit my office when he was 
 leavin'. I'd heard some of the talk. He said he was 
 in — ^weil, in sheol — so I tried to show him the elevator. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 But what happened to-day .? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 He was walkin' in the park, and Jim and me was in 
 our new motor. We ast him to get in. He didn't 
 want to. I never seen a man so dee-pressed. 
 
 [217] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 That doesn't seem like the Senator. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 He looked Hke he was in the cemetery, on his way to 
 Httle Robbie's grave. We made him come, and then 
 he was interested in our car. It has six cylinders, 
 or sixteen, I forget which — perhaps it's sixty. Oh 
 no, it's sixty horses. 
 
 Freddy 
 That's awfully interesting. What else has it got ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (Proudly.^ 
 It's got tires that don't have to be galvanized. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 (Interrupting, with an apologetic smile. ^ 
 
 But the Senator — what about him .? How did you 
 
 mix things ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 (Recalled.^ 
 
 Oh yes. Well, we talked about you and Mrs. Dixon 
 and Mrs. Dean, and he ast me was it true Colonel 
 Belden was goin' to be married. I said yes, I heard 
 
 [218] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick say so, but it wasn't out yet. Then he 
 ast did she seem happy, meanin' Mrs. Dean, I 
 thought. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Of course he meant Mrs. Dean. But that was odd — 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 No, he didn't. I said I'd never seen a woman so 
 tickled except when I turned to me lookin'-glass. 
 An' he got blue as trust milk, an' said he was de- 
 lighted to hear it. Then he made us stop the car 
 and let him out. You could hear the dead-march 
 playin' as he stood on the road, holdin' his hat in his 
 hand. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 What are you getting at .f' 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 I'm tellin' you. "Good-bye, Mrs. Mulligan," he says, 
 just like that. *'When you see my wife tell her I 
 wish her happiness in her new life." The next 
 minute he was gone among the trees, and I saw that 
 all the time I'd been talkin' about Mrs. Dean he 
 thought I was talkin' about Mrs. Dixon. 
 
 [219] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (To Colonel Belden.) 
 
 He thinks his wife is going to get a divorce from him 
 and marry you ! He has heard some gossip. 
 
 Freddy 
 That's because you're here so much, dad. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Fred, hold your tongue. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Why didn't you go after him, Mrs. MulHgan, and 
 straighten things out ? 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 We tried, but he was gone. Then Jim tried to find 
 him at some of the hotels, but 'twas like lookin' for 
 a dollar in a contribution box. 
 (To Miss Herrick.^ 
 
 So I went to your apartment, an' when I found you 
 was here I come after you. I felt awful, on Mrs. 
 Dixon's account. I done her up so grand at the 
 beauty parlors — an' now It looks like my art's wasted. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 I don't know what we can do. 
 
 [220] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 You fix it some way. I got to go now. Jim's 
 waitin' down-stairs. I wanted him to come up, but 
 he says no. "I ain't in sussiety yet," he says, "an' 
 there's no use pretendin' I am." So he went in the 
 hotel cafFy to have a drink with our new shover. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Thank you, Mrs. Mulligan. It was very good of 
 you to come and tell me this. 
 
 Mrs. Mulligan 
 
 (Bowing all round.) 
 
 Good-bye, then. Bon voyage! Oh, do I say that or 
 
 do you folks say it ? 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 We say it. 
 
 All Together 
 Bon voyage! 
 (Mrs. Mulligan hows and smiles.) 
 
 Freddy 
 
 I will take you to your car, Mrs. Mulligan, if you will 
 allow me that precious privilege. 
 (Exit Freddy and Mrs. Mulligan.) 
 
 [221] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 (^Slowly.) 
 
 If there was any chance of a reconciliation between 
 those two, I suppose this silly rumor has spoiled it. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 It serves Senator Dixon right. It may put him 
 through something of what Mrs. Dixon suffered last 
 spring. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (^Laughing.) 
 
 Incidentally, he may put something through me. 
 Those Western chaps are always provided with six- 
 shooters. 
 (^Freddy enters.^ 
 
 Freddy 
 Clarice sends us a postscript. In her excitement she 
 forgot to mention one trivial detail. 
 (Imp res SI vely . ) 
 Senator Dixon got Mrs. Dixon's address from her. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (To Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 My dear, you will announce our engagement to- 
 morrow if you wish to marry a man who is un- 
 punctured. 
 
 [222] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Freddy 
 Too late, dad. He's coming here to-night! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (Decidedly.^ 
 
 ril go and get Harriet. 
 (She rises.) 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Rising also.) 
 
 Right you are, Isabel. In the mean time I'll seek 
 
 some safe, sequestered nook until this little matter 
 
 is cleared up in Dixon's mind. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Don't be in such a hurry to unravel that tangle. It 
 may help matters. I'll see Senator Dixon when he 
 comes, and sound him. Then if you two will play 
 up a bit — 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 Not in a thousand years! You explain things to 
 Dixon, Ruth, and you do it fully. Understand .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I shall use my own judgment. I'm not sure Mrs. 
 Dixon will ever forgive her husband — but I do know 
 she has been desperately unhappy since she sent 
 him away, 
 
 [223] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Exit Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean. As they leave 
 Mrs. Dixon enters by the other door. She is in 
 full evening dress.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Harriet, Senator Dixon is in town. He's coming here 
 this evening. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Joel f In town f Coming here .? Why .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 He will explain that. Will you see him? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 M— m— Yes. 
 (She reflects for an instant.^ 
 
 rU see him. I want to know what he's done for him- 
 self — or whether he has done anything. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You take his coming calmly. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Mrs. Dean has taught me that. 
 
 [224] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 And much more. Senator Dixon will be surprised 
 at what you've done for yourself. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Do you think he will ? 
 
 (Thoughtfully.^ 
 
 I can talk on almost any subject for one minute. If 
 
 it isn't changed then, Lm done for. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Your One-Minute Talks on Timely Topics are very 
 useful. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Those minute talks help out a lot at dinners. Men 
 like them. They can go right on eating while I 
 converse. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Seriously.^ 
 Harriet, aren't you a little sorry for Senator Dixon ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I'll tell you after I've seen him! If he's what he was 
 last June, I'll be mighty sorry for him. 
 15 [225] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You haven't heard a word from him since ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 No. He had to sink or learn to swim. I couldn't 
 help him. A time comes to every one of us when we 
 have to work out things alone. Joe's time, and 
 mine, came this summer. 
 
 (A hell rings. Annie enters with a card, which she 
 hands to her mistress. Mrs. Dixon glances at it.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Show him in. 
 (7*0 Miss Herrick.) 
 
 It's Joe. You see him first. I'll come in later. 
 (^She goes out swiftly. Senator Dixon enters.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Good-evening, Miss Herrick. I didn't hope to find 
 you here. Good-evening. 
 
 (^He bows to Freddy and Firginta and shakes hands 
 with Miss Herrick. Freddy and Virginia, after 
 acknowledging his greeting, continue their tete-a- 
 tete.) 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Mrs. Dixon will see you in a few minutes. Senator. 
 Mrs. Mulligan told us you were coming. 
 
 [226] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Fm only in town for a day on my way to Washington. 
 From what I hear my wife will want to have a talk, 
 and straighten out some business matters. I can't 
 leave her entirely to those lawyer fellows. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 I see. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I ain't going to stand in her way. I came to tell her 
 so. Will Belden be here to-night ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 He is here now. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Quickly.) 
 I s'pose they're beginning to plan for the wedding ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Smiling.) 
 
 Colonel Belden's ? Yes, they're planning for it. 
 But you know it's not out yet. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Stiffly.) 
 Naturally it wouldn't be, till after the divorce. Even 
 
 [227] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 New York's got to draw the line somewhere. But 
 I've heard it whispered about considerably. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 You have ? Really ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Where's my wife going to live, Miss Herrick .? 
 Everybody but me seems to know her plans. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Mrs. Dixon thinks she will live abroad every sum- 
 mer, and in New York in the winter. She has made 
 a host of friends here. She has entered a new world. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 What kind of a world .? How does a man get there .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 It's a very beautiful world. Senator. One entrance 
 is through the pages of books. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Humph ! My wife got through all right, did she ? 
 What does she do there .? 
 
 [228] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 She studies, hears music, looks at pictures. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 They say fellows who study the stars know how far 
 they are from earth. How near's the nearest star '' 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Smiling^ 
 
 The planet Venus is only about twenty-six million 
 miles away. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Is that all ? Well, Miss Herrick, that's just about as 
 near as I feel to my wife's new world. 
 
 Freddy 
 (To Virginia.^ 
 
 Every star is an eye, Virginia, looking admiringly at 
 you. Thus every I is a U to me. 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 An I O U, I'm afraid, Freddy, judging by what I've 
 heard of your extravagance. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Nodding toward him.) 
 
 Belden's son, ain't it ? What brings him here ? 
 
 [229] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 He says he has to come to get a glimpse of his father. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Confound his father! Oh, excuse me! 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Freddy is fond of Mrs. Dixon, too. And he likes 
 Mrs. Dean and Miss Jefferson. They both live with 
 Mrs. Dixon, you know. We all feel very much at 
 home here. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Did you persuade her to see me to-night ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 She wasn't hard to persuade. She knew you came 
 on business. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 How strange it seems I Her friends all welcome, and 
 me only able to get in under your umbrella. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Fm glad to hold it over you. 
 
 [230] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I s'pose my wife wouldn't take me in out of a cyclone. 
 Does she — does she ever speak about me ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 She spoke of you to-night, for the first time — ^when she 
 heard you were coming. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I guess I ain't been in her mind very much. 
 (He rambles round the room, stops at the hook-shelves, 
 picks up a volume and looks at it helplessly.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Reading the title.) 
 
 The Symbolist Movement in Literature. What's that 
 
 mean ? Does she know .? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Laughing.) 
 
 She will before she gets through. Colonel Belden is 
 reading it aloud now to her and Mrs. Dean. 
 (The Senator opens the hook and dazedly regards its 
 contents.) 
 
 [231] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Reading it aloud, eh ? They've marked this passage. 
 (He reads?) 
 
 "A symbol might be defined as a representation which 
 does not aim at being a reproduction." Great Scott! 
 What does that mean .? I don't know. Do they I 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 Yes. Mrs. Dixon is learning very fast. 
 {Senator Dixon closes the hook with a sudden air of 
 decision and puts it into his pocket^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I'm goin' to borrow this book. I'd like to see if it 
 means anything. 
 {He holds out his hand.) 
 
 You been a mighty good friend to my wife. You 
 ain't played my game, but I can't blame you for that. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 {Putting her hand into his.) 
 Thank you, Senator. 
 
 Freddy 
 
 {Exultantly, rising and coming toward them.) 
 Shake hands with me, too. Miss Jefferson has just 
 
 [232] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 made me the happiest man in the world. She's going 
 to marry me. 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Putting her arm around Virginia.') 
 That's capital, but it isn't news. 
 
 Freddy 
 What d'ye mean ? 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 (Kindly.) 
 Virginia and I knew it long before you did. 
 
 Freddy 
 You did ? W — When did you decide ? 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 The first time I met you ! 
 
 Freddy 
 Just like that! 
 (To Dixon.) 
 She plucked me off the tree of life as if I'd been — 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 A green apple! Exactly. 
 
 Freddy 
 Unmaidenly, I call it. What's the world coming to ? 
 
 [233] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Shaking hands with him and Virginia.^ 
 It's coming to womerij young man. The sooner you 
 know that, the better. 
 
 Freddy 
 Coming .? It's come. 
 (To Virginia.^ 
 
 Well, let's go and tell father — unless you've told him 
 already! Good-bye, Senator. 
 (To Virginia.^ 
 You're sure you want me .f" I've led a frightful life! 
 
 Miss Jefferson 
 Don't take it so hard, Freddy. I'll be kind to you. 
 
 Freddy 
 (With gloomy resignation.^ 
 All right. Lead me to the altar. 
 
 (He follows her out of the room. Senator Dixon looks 
 after them. Mrs. Dixon opens the door softly, looks 
 in, sees him, and hesitates. Then she comes for- 
 ward and greets him calmly.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Offering Dixon her hand.) 
 
 [234] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 How do you do, Joel ? I'm sorry I kept you waiting. 
 (The Senator takes her hand, stares at her dazedly, 
 
 tries to speak, and fails. He forgets to release her 
 
 hand, which she quietly disengages.^ 
 
 Miss Herrick 
 
 Good-night, Harriet. Good-night, Senator. As Tm 
 under the grinding heel of a corporation I must keep 
 early hours. 
 
 (Exit Miss Herrick.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Awkwardly.^ 
 
 I thought we ought to have a talk on — on 
 
 business. 
 
 (He stops and stares at her. It is plain that the 
 great change in her appearance dazzles and be- 
 wilders him.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Won't you sit down .? 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon indicates the divan, and he seats him- 
 self. She takes a small chair and sits down also, 
 facing him.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Looking around.) 
 
 [235] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 It's mighty cosy here. I been livin' in hotels so 
 
 much I've most forgot the feel of a home. 
 
 (Confusedly.^ 
 
 This seems like old times, don't it; both of us 
 
 together ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Calmly?) 
 
 You came to talk to me. What did you want to say ? 
 
 (Senator Dixon stares at her, and is again confused by 
 
 this strange presence, so like, yet so unlike, his wife.^ 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I — yes, I — 
 (Desperately.^ 
 
 Great Scott, Harriet! Give a man a chance to pull 
 himself together. It ain't an easy errand I've come on. 
 (Confusedly.^ 
 
 I — I picked up one of your books a few minutes ago. 
 (He takes the volume from his pocket and offers it to 
 her.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Raising her eyebrows in polite surprise as she takes it.) 
 I didn't think you cared much about books. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (More at his ease on this neutral topic.) 
 
 [236] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 I ain't had much time for books so far. But I think 
 every man ought to read some. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 {With great formality!) 
 
 How did this book impress you } 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Dazed) 
 
 Hey ? Why — why — 
 (Rallying gallantly?) 
 
 The author seems to have some new ideas. Near 
 as I can make out he thinks we don't really need 
 anything if we can only get something that looks 
 like it. 
 
 (Leaning forward, with growing confidence.) 
 Lord, Harriet! I'd hardly know you. It don't seem 
 possible you're the same woman that left Oklahoma 
 last spring. 
 (He nervously approaches the book-shelves and looks 
 
 over the volumes there.) 
 I s'pose you've got Shakespeare here, an' Byron ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Yes, but I don't care for either of them very much. 
 
 [237] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 I like Tennyson real well, and Longfellow, and some 
 of Wordsworth's poetry. Don't you ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Humbly.^ 
 
 I ain't read them. I read some of Byron when I was 
 a boy. Then I read *'The Cotter's Saturday Night," 
 and "The Lowing Herd Winds Slowly O'er the 
 Lea." I guess that's about all. 
 
 (They ga%e at each other for a moment across the 
 intellectual abyss which separates them.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Diffidently.) 
 
 I suppose books and music are as necessary to you 
 now as your meals. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Not quite. But I love them. Do you care for opera ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I couldn't tell an opera from the noise in a blacksmith 
 shop. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Grieved.) 
 
 Dear me! You miss a great deal. But I believe 
 you came to talk business. 
 
 [238] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Yes, I came to talk about — the — the divorce. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Stunned, hut immediately pulling herself together.) 
 The divorce ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 That's the next step, ain't it ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Quietly.) 
 Yes, I suppose it is. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I'm goin' to make it as easy for you as I can. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 You mean you're going to get it ? On the ground of 
 desertion ^. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Good Lord, no! You get it — on any ground you 
 please. It's all goin' to be done your way. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Faintly^ 
 
 My way ? But you want me to get it .? 
 
 [239] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Yes, of course. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Very well, Joel. Is — is that all you came to say? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 No. There's something more. 
 (He stands behind her.) 
 
 Harriet, I wish we hadn't made such a mess of 
 things. I'll go the limit now and say all I've got to 
 say. It ain't likely we'll meet again after this. I 
 ain't thanked you yet for what you did for me in the 
 Kirby deal. You saved my good name. I want you 
 to know I realize that. And there's another thing I 
 understand. 
 (^Impressively.) 
 
 I ain't in your class — but that's my fault, not yours. 
 You've made yourself over, and it's great. I haven't 
 done it. I'm pretty raw still. 
 (He takes some papers from an inside pocket.) 
 Now tell me how you want things fixed. I'll do 
 anything that will make you happy. 
 (Enter Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Heartily.) 
 
 [240] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Why, Dixon, how do you do ? I just heard you were 
 
 in town. 
 
 (He offers his handy which Dixon ignores.') 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Coolly!) 
 
 I got here yesterday. 
 (He turns away.) 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Why, Dixon! Surely you're not still resenting our 
 last meeting. Didn't everything come out as we told 
 you? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Turning, and coming hack to Belden.) 
 I know I'm under obligations to you, Belden. I'm 
 sorry that I haven't acknowledged them before. I 
 thank you now. 
 (He shakes hands with Belden.) 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 (Courteously.) 
 
 You owe me no gratitude. That should go to Mrs. 
 Dixon. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Fiercely,) 
 16 [241] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 By God, I can stand things till you come around! 
 Then I can't. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Joel! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I — I beg your pardon. (To Belden.) I'd like a 
 private talk with you if the ladies will excuse us. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Is this quite the place to bring up fancied grievances .? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 Fancied grievances! By heaven! You'd think they 
 were real enough if you were in my boots! 
 
 Joel! 
 
 (In alarm. ^ 
 Senator! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Turning to his wife.^ 
 
 I — I — Excuse me. I'm afraid I'm not acting very 
 well. But you'll admit that the situation ain't an 
 
 [242] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 easy one. It calls for a little more than flesh and 
 
 blood can stand, I guess. 
 
 (To Belden.) 
 
 I came here to-night to do the right thing, Colonel 
 
 — to do whatever my wife wants done. If you had 
 
 kept away, Fd have got through it, I guess. All I 
 
 can do now is to beg pardon again and get out. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Here! Let me explain, Senator. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Grasping the situation^ 
 
 If you don't mind, Colonel, I will explain to Senator 
 Dixon. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Yes, Fd rather have her say what's got to be said. 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 
 (After an instant's hesitation.^ 
 
 As you please. 
 
 (Annie enters with a card which she offers her mistress.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Reading it aloud?) 
 Mrs. Herbert Gordon! 
 
 [243] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Colonel Belden 
 Good-night, then ! Good-night, Mrs. Dixon ! 
 
 Mrs. Dean 
 
 (To Colonel Belden.^ 
 
 Ruth wants you to drop her at her apartment on your 
 
 way home. 
 
 (Exit Colonel Belden and Mrs. Dean.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Calmly.) 
 
 Has that woman followed you here, Joel ? Is she in 
 
 your life still ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Meeting her eyes squarely.) 
 
 No. I haven't laid eyes on her since the day you 
 saw her last June. I made a fool of myself once, but 
 I don't work at the job all the time. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 She has audacity enough for anything, but I never 
 
 dreamed she would come to my home. I'll see what 
 
 she wants. 
 
 (To Annie.) 
 
 Ask her to come in. 
 
 [244] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (Mrs. Gordon enters. Mrs. Dixon and Senator Dixon 
 rise to receive her.^ 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Senator Dixon ! You here ! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Grimly.) 
 This is unexpected. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Recovering herself.) 
 
 It certainly is. But Vm glad to see you, Senator. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 This reunion surprises me, too, Mrs. Gordon. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (Suavely.) 
 
 I got back from Europe this morning. Now I intend 
 to gather up the loose ends of some little matters that 
 we dropped rather hastily last June. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Are they still loose ? 
 
 [245] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Very. Your alleged exposure of the Kirby bill, for 
 example, never appeared in the Planet. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Smiling.^ 
 No. It never appeared. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I want to know why. Naturally, I came to find out. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That was natural — for you ! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 The Planet was afraid of libel — and is still afraid. 
 Do you realize that the bill has a good chance of 
 passing if it comes up again t 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (To Dixon.) 
 
 Would you vote for it ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 You bet I would not. 
 (To Mrs. Gordo77.) 
 I'd fight that bill to the last ditch! 
 
 [246] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 You mean that, Senator ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I do — and I'd enjoy the fight. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (To Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 The article served its purpose, you see. You threw 
 
 down your cards. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I may play that hand after all. Dare you lend me 
 those proofs ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Why not ? With the greatest pleasure. 
 
 (Senator Dixon is looking at Mrs. Gordon closely) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I wish to refresh my memory. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 I have the proofs in my desk. Will you excuse me a 
 moment ^. 
 
 (Mrs. Dixon leaves the room.) 
 
 [247] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 She is much changed. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 It's astonishing what she's learned! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Do you think so? I wonder! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 You ought to hear her talk about books! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 I should love to. In fact, I think I will! 
 (Mrs. Dixon re-enters, carrying two galley-proofs.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Everything I know is here. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Taking the proofs.^ 
 
 The proofs from the Planet! Thank you. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 (Smiling.^ 
 
 They are not from the Planet. They never were 
 from the Planet. 
 
 [248] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 What do you mean ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Our late interview took place in a magazine office. 
 Behold the innocent type of The Woman s Friend! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (To Mrs. Gordon, laughing.^ 
 
 She fooled us both ! By George, that was smart ! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 (Controlling her annoyance.^ 
 Very clever, indeed. I congratulate you. 
 (She rises to go, but lingers.^ 
 
 May I tell you how attractive your home is .? Charm- 
 ing! And books everywhere ! This looks interesting. 
 (She picks It up.) 
 
 The Symbolist Movement in Literature! I've never 
 been quite sure what the symbolists were getting at. 
 Have you, Mrs. Dixon .? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Grasping his opportunity.) 
 
 [249] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 A 'symbol is a representation that does not aim at 
 being a reproduction. 
 
 {Mrs. Dixon pauses, stares on vacancy to recollect her 
 '^One-Minute Talk" on Symholism, and then speaks 
 in an expressionless tone.^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 The symboHsts maintain that mere reproduction of 
 the thing itself is not art, but a sort of literary pho- 
 tography. Their method is different. Instead of 
 reproducing what they see they represent what appears 
 to them, as they want others to see it. Art thus 
 becomes something more than nature. It is nature 
 transmuted by the vision of the poet or seer. 
 (She pauses. Senator Dixon looks at her, dazed.) 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Really! Is that all,? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (In her natural tone, but exhausted^ 
 It seems a good deal to me! 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Do you understand it, Senator ? It sounds very com- 
 plicated. What does it really mean, Mrs, Dixon .? 
 
 [250] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 (Her face illumined by a sudden smile.) 
 Why, that Planet proof Is an illustration. It was not 
 the thing itself — only a representation of it — 
 (Sweetly.) 
 
 As I wanted you to see it! I never thought of it be- 
 fore, but I'm a symbolist! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Exultantly.) 
 
 Now, for the first time, I really understand a symbol! 
 (In warm admiration.) 
 
 Harriet, how have you done it all .? By Jove, it beats 
 me what you've learned ! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Thank you, Joel. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Here is Hedda Gabler, too. Your reading is varied. 
 (She picks up the hook.) 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Are you an admirer of Ibsen .? 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Not at all. To me art means beauty. I am not in- 
 
 [251] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 terested in the clinical representation of disease. 
 The theater is a temple, not a place for the dissection 
 of moral gangrene. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 {Entering with great formality upon her second 
 
 "Minute Talk.") 
 Ibsen took for his subjects the ills of the social body, 
 but his touch was always sane and antiseptic. Even 
 when he represented the most repulsive characters, 
 as in the case of Hedda Gabler, the teaching of the 
 play, truly understood, is normal and right. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 He may have felt that way about poor Hedda's 
 disease. But Nazimova didn't agree with him. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I beg your pardon. 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 (JFearily.) 
 Nazimova, Nazimova. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Nazimova! Agree with him.? Of course it didn't 
 agree with him! 
 
 [252] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 (To Senator Dixon.) 
 Ibsen died of Nazimova! 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 I never even heard of the complaint! 
 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 
 And I'd never know that much about those folks if 
 
 I'd spent a lifetime at it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 If you are satisfied, Mrs. Gordon, with this little 
 examination — 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 
 Call it a pleasant chat. 
 
 (Softly, to Senator Dixon.) 
 
 I have been longing to see you. Are you coming my 
 
 way ? 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 
 (Rising.) 
 
 No, Mrs. Gordon. Not your way. But FU call a 
 cab for you. 
 (To Mrs. Dixon.) 
 May I come back, Harriet .? 
 
 [253] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Mrs. Gordon 
 Thank you. I won't tear you from her side. I have 
 a cab waiting. Good-evening. 
 {Exit Mrs. Gordon.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 And to think I ever admired that woman ! Harriet, 
 you put it all over her in book learning! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Don't let me deceive you, Joe. I don't know much. 
 But I'm going to study all the rest of my life. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 You know more than I'll ever know. One thing I 
 want to learn, though, quick. Why didn't you let 
 Belden tell me about your — ^your plans ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 They're not mine. They're his. He was trying to 
 tell you that he is to marry Mrs. Dean. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Harriet! And I came here to offer you a divorce! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 Why.? 
 
 [254] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 I had ruined your life. If there was any way of 
 makin' you happy again I wanted to find it. But it 
 was mighty hard to give you up ! It's been a night- 
 mare. You'll never know what I've suffered. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 That was pretty big of you, Joe — to come here like 
 this, and offer to free me. It was Hke the man I 
 thought you were. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Do you know why I did it } Because you've opened 
 my eyes. I saw myself as I was — and I didn't like 
 the picture. 
 (^He comes closer.) 
 
 Harriet, you've brought me to my knees. You've 
 taught me how much I've got to learn. Haven't you 
 humbled me enough ^ 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I don't want to humble you. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Then help me. It's our whole lives we're settling. 
 But you seem so far away I feel as if I'd have to 
 
 [255] 
 
THE LADY FROM OKLAHOMA 
 
 halloo across the world to make you hear me. I love 
 you ! Can you hear that ? 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 I guess I'd hear that — anywhere. 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 Then answer it. 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 Oh, my boy! I've never stopped loving you for one 
 minute. 
 (^She sinks into a big arm-chair near the fire. He 
 
 falls on his knees before her and buries his head in 
 
 her lap.) 
 
 Senator Dixon 
 (Brokenly.) 
 Let me take you home — to Washington! 
 
 Mrs. Dixon 
 
 We'll start to-morrow. To-night — home is here. 
 (She takes his head betwee7i her hands and lays it 
 
 against her breast.) 
 Why, Joe, darling, you ain't cryin'! Yes, you be! 
 An' I'm so happy I'm forgettin' my grammar! 
 
 CURTAIN 
 
ft 1911 
 
One copy del. to Cat. Div.