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GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
GROTON SCHOOL 
 VERSES 
 
 1886-1903 
 
 i 
 
 
 PRIVATELY PRINTED 
 
Copt/right J 1904, hy William Amory Gardner 
 
 
 LIBRARY Of CONGRESS 
 TWO Copies Received 
 MAY 6 1904 
 Cepyriirbt Entry 
 
 CLASS CL XXo. No. 
 
 tSi^n. if- 
 
 COPY B 
 
 D. B. Updike, The Merrymount Press, Boston 
 
TO 
 
 MR. AND MRS. JAMES LAWRENCE 
 
 AND 
 
 TO ALL GROTONIANS 
 
PREFACE 
 
 The following verses contain a more or lessfoith- 
 fod History of Groton School during' the better part 
 of its twenty years of existence. The Christmas Poems 
 formed apart of the annual fostivities at the Home- 
 stead and usually took the form of a duet hetiveen 
 Mr. Billings and Mr. Gardner in the capacities of 
 Oracle and Questioner. Uifortunately Mr. Billings 
 did not always preserve his MSS. and the Christ- 
 mas Poems are in consequence often foagmentary. 
 Thanks are due to Messrs. H. D. Chandler and 
 J. Hinckley^ Assistant Poets in 1901, 
 
 William Amory Gardner 
 
 Groton School 
 Easter, 190 Jt 
 
TABLE OF CONTENTS 
 
 1886 BIRTHDAY 1 
 
 1886 CHRISTMAS 9 
 
 1887 BIRTHDAY 15 
 
 1888 BIRTHDAY 23 
 
 1889 BIRTHDAY 33 
 
 1889 CHRISTMAS 43 
 
 1890 BIRTHDAY 53 
 
 1890 CHRISTMAS 63 
 
 1891 BIRTHDAY 69 
 
 1891 CHRISTMAS 81 
 
 1892 BIRTHDAY 87 
 
 1892 CHRISTMAS 99 
 
 1893 CHRISTMAS 109 
 
 1894 BIRTHDAY 119 
 
 1895 BIRTHDAY 129 
 
 1895 CHRISTMAS 141 
 
 1896 BIRTHDAY 151 
 
 1896 CHRISTMAS 165 
 
 1897 BIRTHDAY 181 
 
 [ ix ] 
 
CONTENTS 
 
 1897 CHRISTMAS 193 
 
 1898 BIRTHDAY 205 
 
 1898 CHRISTMAS 219 
 
 1899 GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 239 
 1899 BIRTHDAY 247 
 
 1899 CHRISTMAS 263 
 
 1900 BIRTHDAY 271 
 
 1900 CHRISTMAS 287 
 
 1901 BIRTHDAY 303 
 
 1901 CHRISTMAS 323 
 
 1902 BIRTHDAY 341 
 
 1902 CHRISTMAS 359 
 
 1903 BIRTHDAY 377 
 1903 CHRISTMAS 397 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1886 
 
 WELL, what a bouncing two-year-old! 
 Was ever such a sight! 
 Our infant School we celebrate — 
 'T is two years old to-night. 
 
 They talk of Western limestone air 
 
 To make the fellows grow; 
 But, bless me, ive are twice as big 
 
 As just two years ago. 
 
 I look about me, in this room, 
 
 At all the dear old faces. 
 It seems as if but yesterday 
 
 When first you filled these places. 
 
 And yet within these two short years. 
 We 've made this infant thing 
 
 The pride of the United States — 
 A theme for bards to sing. 
 
 In order to fathom this singular mystery. 
 We must, in the first place, examine our history, 
 And see unto whom all the praises are due — 
 To all of the boys, or to just one or two; 
 Although at first sight I 'm inclined to suspect 
 That the former surmise is more likely correct. 
 However, I think the chief causes we '11 find. 
 If I pick out a few that occur to my mind. 
 
 [ 1 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And first, without question, I think you '11 agree 
 
 In awarding the palm of success to Rublee, 
 
 Our only alumnus of whom we 're so proud. 
 
 That though he 's but one he 's as good as a crowd. 
 
 The first fruit of Groton, reward of our toil. 
 
 Transplanted to flourish in Cambridge's soil. 
 
 May he grow there in wisdom, if such things can be. 
 
 Till he captures a summa cum laude degree. 
 
 Having thus crowned the hero the foremost in peace. 
 Now give me a moment to look, if you please. 
 For the foremost in war, and when that is done, then 
 For the first in the hearts of all countrymen. 
 
 Now, when I consider the foremost in war, 
 I am met, at first glance, by a dozen or more 
 Who have carried our flag through the ranks of the foe. 
 Though they sometimes get beaten, it's not always so. 
 And the day draweth near when that 's over, we hope. 
 When our heroes shall meet, with the prowess to cope. 
 Of elevens from Hoppie's, and, chiefest of larks. 
 The day when we meet on the field of St. Mark's.^ 
 
 And first in the hearts of her countrymen all. 
 
 Who have known her since she came among us last 
 
 fall. 
 Who have loved her each day that we knew her, the 
 
 more. 
 For the love she returned us so freely, and for 
 Her own self, we '11 praise with a thirty times three, 
 Our one, unapproachable, own Mrs. P. 
 
 [ 2 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1886 
 
 Thus having awarded the laurels to those 
 To whom, in each matter, the School the most owes. 
 Let us cast a brief glance on the changes we 've seen 
 Since the year 'eighty-four, and October fifteen. 
 
 Oh, where, oh, where is the red barn gone? ^ 
 
 The lovely crushed strawberree. 
 With the smuggler bold and the Lady Corinne ; ^ 
 
 Oh, where, oh, where can they be? 
 
 And what is this stately wing of brick,* 
 
 With apartments rich and rare. 
 And the newly developed menagerie show 
 
 They tell us of up the stair? 
 
 And now, as the shadows of evening fall. 
 
 What sound salutes mine ear? 
 Like a ship in distress, with a broken shaft, 
 
 An artesian well I hear. 
 
 And down by the river a symphony 
 
 Of colours most dread to behold, 
 A boat-house appears, of a greenish blue 
 
 And horribly dirty old gold. 
 
 And soon on our vision, amid the trees 
 
 Of Gro ton's orchard green, 
 A brand-new Gym shall arise and see 
 
 Full many a wonder, I ween. 
 
 But, chiefest of all the improvements new. 
 The many a young recruit 
 [ 3 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Who has joined our ranks since the days of old. 
 And quickly has taken root. 
 
 For while I am talking of boys that are new, — 
 Why, bless me, how time does fly! — 
 
 They 've become old boys of the dear old place. 
 And know more about it than I. 
 
 And Chauncey is getting as old as the hills. 
 And Hoppin wears long-tailed coats. 
 
 And Robb is a prefect, and most of the kids 
 Are so many full-fledged goats. 
 
 But some things are just as they used to be 
 
 In the golden days of old. 
 The black mark still holds iron sway. 
 
 And Potsey ^ won't do as he 's told. 
 
 And a crow's nest still is in Cochrane' s hair,® 
 And McKuhn is as sniffy as ever;"^ 
 
 And in spite of the sound of the chestnut-gong, 
 Professor's ^ puns still are clever. 
 
 And Mrs. McMurray can not play whist. 
 And Goddard's still shaking to pieces; 
 
 And the Groton quartette cannot find anywhere 
 A tenor-soprano like Gleece's.^ 
 
 And Cushing 's the same haughty sister of yore. 
 And still pounds the shaky planner. 
 
 Mr. Billings has ghost stories which he still tells 
 In his quaint and delectable manner. 
 [ 4] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1886 
 
 Yes, every one, each of us, feels every year. 
 As we see autumn's reds and its yellows. 
 Though the months may roll by, and the seasons may 
 
 fly, 
 
 They 're the same old magnificent fellows. 
 
 And as to the new boys, to mention their deeds 
 'T would take us the rest of our lives 
 
 To tell about Ashton and Neddy Cartere, 
 Polk, Jay, Scott, King, Briskie, and Ives, 
 
 Whose names I select from a dozen or more. 
 And put in for the sake of the rhyme ; 
 
 For to tell all the new boys, and what they have done. 
 Would take, as I said, too much time. 
 
 We 've got a museum of queer curiosities. 
 Beautiful creatures, and horrid atrocities. 
 All of which go to contribute their share 
 Towards making our School such an institute rare. 
 
 Hast heard the pup ^^ entune a song. 
 
 Or witnessed the heifer ^^ play the fiddle. 
 
 Or seen the fox ^^ the football kick. 
 
 Or the boy with bears legs below his middle? ^^ 
 
 Hast seen a biddy ^* run a race. 
 
 Or a rabbit ^^ setting the style of collars? 
 
 Hast seen a hen ^^ that 's six feet high. 
 
 And a chipmunk ^'^ sporting among the scholars? 
 
 [ 5 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 If not, poor wight, thou canst not know 
 The wonders we have on exhibition. , 
 
 For these, and things hke these, have raised 
 The School to its present proud position. 
 
 [ 6 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Score 10-2. First touchdorvn made for Groton by Rev- 
 erend W. G. Thayer, who afterwards — eheu! — became 
 Head Master of our rivals. 
 
 2 Burned by lightning, May, 1886. 
 
 ^ Gilpatrics sled. 
 
 * The short dormitory — Brooks House. 
 
 ^ Austin Potter. 
 
 ^ A. Lynde Cochrane. 
 
 ^ R. B. Potter. 
 
 8 Gordon K. Bell. 
 
 9 J. G. Gilpatric. 
 
 10 H. P. Whitney. 
 
 11 S. V. R. Thayer. 
 
 12 E. F. Fitzhugh. 
 1^ C R. Sturgis. 
 
 1* Warwick Potter. 
 
 15 J. M. Hare. 
 
 16 R. B. Potter. 
 
 1"^ E. F. Chauncey. 
 
 [7 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1886 
 [Fragment] 
 
 Ting, Ting, Ting, 
 
 I hear a tiny bell. 
 The chestnut season now is past. 
 
 Yes, sirs, I know it well. 
 And yet you see as Christmas comes 
 
 (Yourselves you have to blame). 
 Though chestnutest of chestnuts, I 
 
 Have come here just the same. 
 
 If Blake or Bell could check their pens 
 
 From filling the Grotonian 
 With all their fierce poetic fire, 
 
 I might not be the only one. 
 But as you see they 're all used up. 
 
 No room is left to doubt it, — 
 Blake with maltreating Bugaboo,^ 
 
 And Bell with verse about it. 
 
 So once more I am called upon 
 
 To tune my fiddle up. 
 And sing a song of sixpence loud 
 
 As our dear yellow pup.^ 
 At the sound of the last mentioned word 
 
 Did you see Howdy Cushing start .^ 
 I must to some theme have referred 
 
 That lies very close to his heart. 
 
 [ 9 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Ah, yes! he is lonely to-night, 
 
 The world is but frivolous stuff; 
 He 's come here without his delight, 
 
 His only adorable Snuff. ^ 
 The digression forgive, I pray, 
 
 I '11 do nothing more of the sort, 
 But say all my little say 
 
 In poetry spicy and short. 
 
 A thought comes o'er me now and then 
 
 As holidays arrive: 
 What do the various gentlemen 
 
 To keep themselves alive 
 When all their occupation 's gone. 
 
 And books are left behind.-* 
 How do they pass the time forlorn .f* 
 
 How occupy their mind.^ 
 
 I asked a little bird to tell 
 
 If they were n't bored to death. 
 " Oh, no, they manage mighty well," 
 
 Said he beneath his breath. 
 "And if you won't give it away. 
 
 Or only to a few, 
 I '11 tell the sort of things they say. 
 
 And also what they do." 
 
 Sam Blagden — Ah! I need not tell 
 
 How he the time beguiles. 
 He casts upon New York the spell 
 
 Of his enormous smiles. 
 
 [ 10 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1886 
 
 Webb * issues invitations for 
 
 A little sausage party. 
 With grape milk, buckwheat cakes and all 
 
 That 's wholesome, crisp and hearty. 
 
 But first he trims his flowing locks 
 
 And clips his shaggy beard. 
 Look at him now with parted mane — 
 
 How exquisitely weird ! 
 Professor ^ walks Fifth Avenue. 
 
 The damsels — now don't wince — 
 Set caps at him as did the maid 
 
 Of Groton not long since. 
 
 And Mr. Billings, every day 
 
 Receives some telegram 
 From Queen Victoria, Prince of Wales, 
 
 Or John L. Sullivan. 
 
 The Biddy ^ is resolved to gain 
 
 Admittance to the Choir, 
 For since Jim Hare got in, it 's plain 
 
 The humblest may aspire 
 To join the sweet-voiced tenor crew. 
 
 So Austin he entices. 
 Who duly tunes his phililoo 
 
 While Biddy R. practises. 
 
 Burgess upon arriving at 
 
 The outskirts of the Hub, 
 Pours ice water into his hat. 
 
 And takes a morning tub. 
 
 [ 11 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 This done, he scarce can wait an hour 
 
 Unless it chance to rain, 
 But if by luck there be a shower. 
 
 He takes a bath again. 
 At last he reaches Dedham's shore. 
 
 But no contentment hath. 
 Until some four or five times more 
 
 He takes a thorough bath. 
 
 Robb brushes out his siders straight, 
 
 And whistles soft a tune. 
 Appropriate to his old round face, 
 
 Called, " Whiskers on the Moon." 
 Parker don't lose a moment's space. 
 
 But with some urchin small. 
 Retires to some lonely place 
 
 And practises baseball. 
 
 For five days after reaching town 
 
 Pete Jay will scarcely speak. 
 He eats from dawn till sun goes down — 
 
 This sometimes lasts a week. 
 And then if he perchance is ill, 
 
 'T is somewhat of a bore. 
 But ne'er takes he the famed black pill. 
 
 He eats for a week more. 
 
 And Heifer Thayer "^ parades the streets 
 
 In holiday attire. 
 I cannot tell how much he eats, 
 
 I did not dare enquire. 
 
 [ 12 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1886 
 
 But I can scarcely have a doubt 
 He finds it great relief, 
 
 To go on making himself stout 
 On really black corned beef. 
 
 [ 13 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ A beautiful hat belonging to Joe Hoppin. 
 
 2 H. P. Whitney, 
 
 '^ Mrs. Peabodys dog — abhorred of the Sixth Form. 
 
 ^ F. G. Webb — -Jirst hut owner. 
 
 5 Gordon K. Bell. 
 
 ® Warwick Potter, 
 
 ^ S. V. R. Thayer. 
 
 [ 14 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 1887 
 
 WHEN summer days and summer joys 
 Are over for our idle boys. 
 They settle down to lessons sober. 
 When presto! 15th of October 
 Arrives, and they, forgetting study. 
 Forgetting books and football muddy. 
 With one accord fly learning's cloisters. 
 Gird up their loins and gobble oysters. 
 A little meal of rhyme and reason 
 Put in, the edibles to season. 
 Will not, I hope, go very wrong. 
 Especially if not too long. 
 So let 's treat in a manner cursory 
 Our doings since last anniversary. 
 
 I fain had devised an original form 
 
 To dish up the story in sizzling and warm ; 
 
 But bless me, what think you a fellow can do 
 
 Who has to grind verse for such critics as you. 
 
 Two or three times a year, on all manner of things! 
 
 So forgive some monotony in what he sings. 
 
 A nightingale warbles but one kind of tune. 
 
 And is only expected to do that in June, 
 
 While Christmas or autumn to you it 's all one. 
 
 So forgive me if this is the best can be done. 
 
 The events will be new, if the rhymes are the same 
 
 And the versification a particle tame. 
 
 [ 15 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Yet why should we change as the seasons roll on? — 
 Groton School is the same, though the years may have 
 
 gone. 
 Though old boys may leave us and new take their 
 
 places. 
 Though our hearts may be sad as we miss their dear 
 
 faces, 
 The School is unchanged in its hopes and its aim. 
 And its purpose, please God, shall be ever the same. 
 
 When I returned to Groton green 
 
 The first thing that I saw 
 Was a hole in the ground men called my house, 
 
 A hole and nothing more. 
 
 And over that hole next spring I hope 
 
 At Easter Monday's ball. 
 Our dear head Madam will open the dance 
 
 With one of our Freshmen tall. 
 
 While Mrs. McMurray shall dance with me 
 
 A stately minuet, 
 With Gleesa,! McGinness ^ and Mr. Thayer 
 
 To chasse and pirouette. 
 
 I next beheld a verdant park 
 
 With flowers rich and rare. 
 And an onion patch all hedged about,^ 
 
 And marked, "With greatest care." 
 
 At present its fruit is widely spread 
 O'er all the lawn around, 
 [ 16 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1887 
 
 "Please mayn't I pick yon onion up 
 That fell on forbidden ground?" 
 
 Oh! that is the song that greets mine ear 
 
 Whene'er I walk abroad. 
 For the onion is naught but a tennis-ball, 
 
 Got there of its own accord. 
 
 And the Gym is done, and we hope erelong 
 That the Chapel will be through. 
 
 And these are the outside sights I saw. 
 So now for the others too. 
 
 We 've a fine lot of kids arrived this year; 
 
 Did you hear the youthful Bow- 
 Ditch * exclaim the other night at tea 
 
 A rich sonorous "Ow".^ 
 
 There 's a boy with a healthy pair of lungs! 
 
 And another powerful man 
 Is among our ranks, an uncle of ours. 
 
 One J. Something Sullivan.^ 
 
 The fellows are bigger I needs must admit; 
 There 's Austin/ his short breeches no longer fit. 
 Just look at him now all rigged out in his best. 
 He 's Bobby's own brother, just look at his vest! 
 And — isn't it dismal? — when Christmas arrives, 
 A sorrow will come to o'ershadow our lives; 
 Those exquisite calves will be hidden from view. 
 Let 's up and prevent it, it never will do. 
 
 [ 17 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The Bear's Legs ^ have shaken out two or three reefs 
 
 And the fat little calves are now regular beefs. 
 
 The Biddy® 's been seen to my own certain knowledge 
 
 With a beaver, rigged up like a dude at a College. 
 
 Do stop it all, boys, we can't let you grow old. 
 
 Beware of the fate of our " Warrior Bold," ^ 
 
 Whose friends have removed him, at least so they say, 
 
 Because he showed signs of his hair turning gray. 
 
 Perhaps you have noticed, I cannot recall. 
 
 Such a gorgeous display of new clothes as this fall ; 
 
 The dudes are outdone, and in dire despair 
 
 Are selling their wardrobes and tearing their hair. 
 
 While Rogers ^® would give his whole stock of cravats 
 
 To get one of Dany Mull's ^^ white London hats. 
 
 The reason they say is not hard to be guessed 
 
 Why Cowdin and Jojo^^ so gayly are dressed; 
 
 Old Europe received a great honour last summer, 
 
 And these are some trifles the fellows brought from 
 
 her. 
 Have you noticed the accent that Smith ^^ has ac- 
 quired? 
 Mr. Billings says such a chose faisait him tired. 
 Forgetting his English, while all the Sixth Form 
 To be up to the rest have begun to reform 
 Their accent, while Carter ^^ says du and rien, 
 And Emmons puts on a new lug to besoin}^ 
 
 Now talking of Europe a few words I 'd say 
 About all your kindness ere we went away; 
 The feast at New York ^^ is n't one to forget, 
 'T was one of the jolliest ever I ate, 
 
 [ 18 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1887 
 
 Although the next day Howdy ^' took to his bed 
 And th.) Biddy ^^ did hkewise and wished he were 
 
 dead. 
 While poor Mr. B. and the Rector looked pale, 
 And most of the rest f-rn-sh-d f~d for the wh-1-. 
 And the good Madam smoothed each poor sufferer's 
 
 piller. 
 Administering doses of Perry's Pain Killer. ^^ 
 Yet it was n't the fault of the dinner I 'm sure, 
 But some poisonous pills known as "Sea-sickness 
 
 cure." 
 So our thanks we would give, and to you the chief 
 
 share. 
 Chief cook of the dinner, Montgomery Hare. 
 
 Well, it has been a great year, you all will allow; 
 In athletics and studies we show the world how. 
 To begin with the former, I proved quite a prophet. 
 The St. Mark's game, remember, and what I said of it 
 On last anniversary, wasn't it true.'* 
 I^on't you recollect something about ten to two ? 
 
 Alas, we can't do it again, for this year 
 They don't seem to want us to, is n't it queer? 
 They 'd rather descend to admiring history 
 With naught but defeats from their sweet infant 
 sistery.2^ 
 
 Down by the winding river 
 
 Where the Nashua lady ^^ dwells, 
 
 [ 19 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Sam ^^ with his hook, fat Jim ^^ with his book, 
 Are the sights the traveller tells. 
 
 A sound to my ears of frantic cheers 
 
 Was wafted across the water. 
 And I thought that some one was playing hob, 
 
 Or something he had n't ought ter. 
 
 'T was a horrible noise of stalwart boys. 
 
 With Whitney at their head. 
 And "Juniper, Juniper, hooray ah!" ^4 
 
 Was the singular thing they said. 
 
 A health to the crew and the gallant two 
 
 Who covered their form with glory. 
 And the paddlers bold of the tubs who told 
 
 A decidedly different story. 
 
 May the new sport flourish, may Nashua nourish. 
 
 In these their boyhood's years. 
 The nautical crews who are going to produce 
 
 Next century's Volunteers. 
 
 Now besides the crew we 've tennis-courts new, 
 
 Goal-posts, gymnasium and all. 
 And such like appliance to make us all giants. 
 
 Like the Cubans,^^ so famous this fall. 
 
 So athletics you see are as good as can be. 
 
 And how about studies next? 
 How about passing clear at Cambridge next year.^- 
 
 That is only what Groton expects. 
 
 [ 20 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1887 
 
 For we 've cases ample to take as example. 
 
 I 'd take off my hat were it on 
 To our Freshmen three and our Soph'more Rublee, 
 
 And advise you to do as they 've done. 
 
 So long wave on high for many a year 
 
 The black and red and white^ 
 And a health to the School that we hold so dear 
 
 On her three-year birthday night. 
 
 [ 21 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ /. G. Gilpatric. 
 ^ F. Chauncey. 
 ^ The "lawn." 
 
 * H. I. Bowditch. 
 
 ^ J. Amory Sullivan. 
 ^ Austin Potter. 
 ^ C. R. Sturgis. 
 
 * Warwick Potter. He had been travelling with the Faculty 
 in England, and was dressed accordingly. 
 
 ^ Gilpatric, whose age was proverbial. Famous for the song 
 
 Warrior Bold and founder of the Groton Quartette. 
 
 R. S. Rogers. 
 
 E. S. Mullins. 
 
 J. C. Hoppin. 
 
 G. W. Smith. 
 
 E. C. Carter, who could not be taught to jwonounce. 
 
 Favourite expletive of R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 Dinner at Brevoort House given by New York Groto- 
 
 nians to travelling Faculty, July, 1887. 
 
 H. G. Gushing — a poor sailor. 
 
 Warwick Potter — another. 
 
 Wonderful remedy discovered by a cousin of the Madam* s. 
 ^*^ Controversy about masters between St. Mark's and the 
 
 "Infant School." 
 
 21 ji green canoe belonging to the Chauncey family. 
 
 22 S. P. Blagden. 
 2^ James Binney. 
 
 2* The Third Form cheer — invented by H. P. Whitney. 
 ^^ An amateur Football Eleven — predecessor of Emmons's 
 famous Cuban Nine. 
 
 [ 22 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 1888 
 
 I AST Christmas, when I read to you 
 -^ The product of my pen, 
 I felt that I had done a thing 
 
 I could not do again. 
 Though boys are new, yet gags are old. 
 
 And rhymes have lost their jingle, 
 Yet as the season comes once more, 
 Once more my fingers tingle. 
 
 This fact and birthday thoughts combined 
 
 To colour my ideas 
 With scraps of old philosophy 
 
 Appropriate to our years. 
 Chestnuts in general are the theme 
 
 Of this, my little sermon. 
 Perhaps a lesson they contain 
 
 Useful as Greek or German. 
 
 Four years are gone, each differing. 
 
 And yet each much the same. 
 And some things that once seemed such fun 
 
 Perhaps may now seem tame. 
 The happiest man is he who finds 
 
 As years go hurrying by 
 That, though the world is getting old. 
 
 His heart is young for aye. 
 
 Though legs may grow and minds unfold, 
 What once was worth endeavour 
 
 [ 23 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Is worth it now, and what is good 
 
 That shall be good forever. 
 So if the School was worth our love 
 
 Four years ago, 't is true 
 It will be so when we are old. 
 
 Though offering nothing new. 
 
 Monotony is not a bore 
 
 If energy is there; 
 Life is monotony to some. 
 
 No matter when or where. 
 Forgive my sermon — 'tis a theme 
 
 That anniversary brings 
 Up to my mind, as I sit down 
 
 To write the same old things. 
 
 These same old things are dear to me 
 
 In all this world of change; 
 Some things my heart ne'er wanders from, 
 
 In search of new and strange. 
 But not to practise what I preach 
 
 Until this metre 's stale, 
 I break right off and change the tune, 
 
 So listen to my tale. 
 
 I drifted along one summer's morn 
 
 O'er ocean's upheaving breast. 
 And I noticed a lad of appearance sad. 
 
 Who looked as if needing rest. 
 " Oh, what are the wild waves saying to thee. 
 
 Miss Ryan?" ^ I said aloud; 
 [ 24 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1888 
 
 The answer was drowned by a gurgling sound, 
 As she clung to the quivering shroud. 
 
 The month it was August, the scene a ship. 
 
 The place was near Frenchman's bay. 
 The occasion — like one that occurred before 
 
 To Bolly and Blake and Jay.^ 
 What the waves were saying just then, I fear 
 
 Would recall but pain to some, 
 But I fell asleep, and the waters deep 
 
 This ditty began to hum — 
 
 "The waves of time are rolling by, 
 
 Perhaps you 'd like to know 
 What 's going to become of that School of yours 
 
 As the waters onward flow. 
 A silence profound shall hang around 
 
 That sacred hall of learning. 
 Not a pin-fall heard, not even a word. 
 
 By the ear of the most discerning. 
 
 "Mr. Billings dozes, his book he closes 
 
 ('T is afternoon school of course). 
 And a somnolent air is everywhere. 
 
 And the black mark has spent its force. 
 A distant growl becoming a howl, 
 
 A wail! a shriek! ! a yell! ! ! 
 Like thunder and lightning combined in one. 
 
 Unexpectedly breaks the spell. 
 
 "Mr. B. starts up, all faces are pale. 
 He seizes a pen and ink. 
 [ 25 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Meantime, once more is heard that roar. 
 You really can't hear yourself think. 
 
 And this is the letter he dashes off: 
 '^Dear Madam, just throttle Mike, 
 
 Or Micky, or Malcolm, or Mucker, at once. 
 Or anything else you like.' 
 
 "This note is despatched 'mid a storm of shrieks. 
 
 Redoubled faster and faster. 
 And the Madam declines for the next three weeks 
 
 To speak to that reckless Master. 
 
 "A flood shall occur, unless I err. 
 
 Sometime in the early fall. 
 And if 't were n't for Fitzhugh's old tennis shoes ^ 
 
 'T would drown the inhabitants all. 
 But they serve as boats, and each traveller floats 
 
 Past the cellar's deeps and snares. 
 And the juniper shout * eggs on the rout. 
 
 Class races below the stairs. 
 And Robb will make sport of the weather report. 
 
 And say that the rainfall here 
 For the month has been fully umsty steen 
 
 Times as much as in town in a year. 
 
 "That excellent dish, the succulent fish. 
 
 Shall continue to grace the board. 
 And the corned beef red, I have heard it said. 
 
 Much sustenance shall afford. 
 Van Rensselaer Thayer will have a great scare 
 
 From a corpse in a pair of pijarms; 
 [ 26 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1888 
 
 He '11 give a loud yell, while Professor Bell 
 Looks on at his wild alarms. 
 
 "Just keep your eye open by and by. 
 
 And observe that queer condition 
 Of Professor Bell's, how his lower chest swells 
 
 When he's 'taking a soldier's position!' 
 A perfect host of squibs on toast 
 
 Will be served at all times and places. 
 Either cold or warm, by the gallant form 
 
 Which Scott or Burgess graces. 
 
 "I don't like to mock a Faculty clock. 
 
 But I think it my duty to say 
 Mr. Ayrault 'd do well his timepiece to sell. 
 
 Or better, to give it away; 
 For it plays him such tricks, he retires at six. 
 
 And but for the merest luck 
 He might have held Algebra classes at dawn. 
 
 Or Physics at seven o'clock. 
 
 "A wonderful kind of spelling shall find 
 
 Much favour in Cochrane's eyes. 
 The familiar hand you will understand 
 
 If you substitute E's for Y's. 
 And B's for C's and A's for D's, 
 
 And then if you carefully look 
 At it upside down, and squint and frown, 
 
 'T is the purest of Volapiik. 
 
 "I 'm sorry to say Barnewall 's going away. 
 For we '11 miss his graceful curves 
 
 [ 27 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 On the baseball arena; I 'm sure he has been a 
 Sore trial to Southborough's nerves. 
 
 "But November ten shall witness again 
 
 The waving of colours three. 
 Black, red and white amid frantic delight. 
 
 And St. Markers, oh, where will they be ? ^ 
 For the infants tall without clubs and all 
 
 The giants shall put to rout. 
 And triumphal cheers shall salute the ears 
 
 Of the dwellers round about.® 
 
 ^^On October fifteen you will see, I ween. 
 
 Our flowers and prides and joys. 
 The Grotonians old restored to the fold. 
 
 Our dear old original boys. 
 Gilpatric appears advanced in years. 
 
 His broken leg quite well. 
 He had a row with an elderly cow 
 
 Last summer, as you 've heard tell. 
 
 "And the Golden Hen'^ will be there again. 
 
 For they tell me it is n't true. 
 He 's an ornament bright and the chief delight 
 
 Of the class of 'ninety-two. 
 A pleasant surprise will greet your eyes 
 
 Revisiting the School; a 
 Gentleman ^ who, we hardly knew. 
 
 Had already escaped from the cooler. 
 
 " He slew one day in heartless play 
 The innocent, happy sea-gulls, 
 [ 28 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1888 
 
 Now he 's poor in purse and we 're glad it's not worse. 
 
 It cost him ten golden eagles. 
 You '11 be glad to see Mr. George Rublee, 
 
 And to hear the style of ball 
 Which Fitzhugh insists is the one exists 
 
 Upon Jarvis Field this fall. 
 
 "When we heard Sunday last that he 'd braced up the 
 Varsity, 
 
 We feared he 'd do something rash, 
 But the only limb he has lost so far 
 
 Is his beautiful black mustache. 
 Would that all could come, but, alas, though some 
 
 Shall be far away that night. 
 You '11 think of each one in the midst of your fun 
 
 And wish them a future bright. 
 
 "We 'd tell you more, but we dare not, for 
 
 Our sight is somewhat short. 
 And we don't want to make any grave mistake. 
 
 So we give but a month's report. 
 May the School progress, nor her shadow grow less. 
 
 Though her pride depart each year; 
 In the larger school of the world may her sons 
 
 Hold her precepts ever dear." 
 
 The waves stopped singing, but in my heart 
 
 Arose a loving prayer. 
 That God might guide us this coming year 
 
 With His gentle and tender care. 
 
 [ 29 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And that when it has passed, as it must at last. 
 
 And our leaders say good-bye. 
 That we who stay, when they 're gone away, 
 
 May hold her banner as high. 
 
 [ 30] 
 
NOTES 
 
 Warwick Potter — passenger on Yacht Rebecca. 
 N. T. Robb. 
 
 Fifteens. He held the record till surpassed by H. Rich- 
 ards. 
 
 Fourth Form cheer. 
 Fifty-two to nothing! 
 
 Fable in Grotonian by G. B. Blake : The Giants^ the 
 Infants and the Dwellers Round About. Giants = St. 
 Mark's. Infants = Groton. Clubs = Masters. 
 R. B. Potter. 
 H. Hathaway — -fined for gull shooting in holidays. 
 
 [ 31 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1889 
 
 I WON'T begin to tell my story yet. 
 Since that 's the way with poets laureate, 
 Until I shed some tears 
 About the trials I 've been through 
 In trying to get something new, 
 Unmentioned in past years. 
 
 When I sat down and took my pen, 
 I pondered for a time, and then 
 
 To write some squibs I tried. 
 "There 's no one 's been a bit ridiculous. 
 There 's not a joke that 's left to tickle us," 
 
 In blank despair I cried. 
 
 If this performance comes each year, 
 I shan't have left one new idea 
 
 To put into my rhyme. 
 I don't know what to write about. 
 My little jokes are all played out. 
 
 And have been for some time. 
 
 'T is true the kids have never heard 
 Of our old chestnut jokes a word. 
 
 And yet they know my style. 
 My Sunday squibs ^ upon the board 
 No longer merriment afford 
 
 And scarcely raise a smile. 
 
 [33] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And yet here comes our birthday round, 
 Some entertainment must be found 
 
 To help digest our meal. 
 Before we turn to rougher play 
 And with the graduates ballet 
 
 In the Virginia reel. 
 
 So while I dress up my ideas 
 
 In rhymes you 've heard the last five years, 
 
 Just give me your attention. 
 And if you think, without excuse, 
 I 've plagiarized from Mother Goose, 
 
 The fact you need n't mention. 
 
 Ride a cock-horse 
 To see Popper Cross,^ 
 
 And hear him recite his Greek. 
 If he puts iodine 
 On his brain, I opine 
 
 It will strengthen the part most weak. 
 
 How doth the luckless Willie Hare 
 
 Delight to bark and bite. 
 Though now, alas, he '11 bite no more 
 
 Since his eventful fight. 
 
 Beware the name of Sullivan, 
 
 Beware the champion's fist. 
 Perhaps New Jersey 's never heard 
 
 Of Boston's pugilist. 
 
 . [ 34 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1889 
 
 Percy Haughton came to Groton 
 
 On an autumn day. 
 Heiferfinger ^ hove in sight, 
 
 "Aw let me gaw/' he 'd say. 
 And oh, it doth our hearts dehght 
 
 To see the kids at play. 
 
 Rabbi Ben Issachar/ — may his tribe increase, — 
 Got the school-room floor all covered with grease; 
 
 The audience saw him perform on his knees 
 A menial job, and he 's since had no peace. 
 
 He frightened Beef Meredith's poor little brother ^ 
 Till he could n't tell one verb from another. 
 
 Since then at all gladiatorial shows. 
 
 He 's president, dressed in rabbinical clothes. 
 
 Jack Sprat could eat no fat. 
 
 The Heifer can't eat fish, 
 I notice, however, that almost never 
 
 He anything left in the dish. 
 
 Biddy ^ had a little pipe, 
 
 Its colour brown as dirt. 
 And every time that Biddy smoked, 
 
 His health was sadly hurt ; 
 He smoked it all one summer morn. 
 
 Soon after leaving School, 
 Next time we met he looked forlorn. 
 
 And said he 'd been a fool. 
 
 [ 85 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Rub-a-dub dub, I 've ate so much grub 
 
 I don't know what to do. 
 For Rogers and I '^ had a race eating grapes. 
 
 Oh golly, Oh golly. Boo Hoo! 
 
 Hark! Hark! St. Mark, St. Mark, 
 
 In Lancaster's fair town. 
 Boys in rags and waving flags. 
 
 Hurrah! for Groton's down. 
 
 Now you have 'em, now you don't. 
 
 Master or no master. 
 Now we will, and now we won't. 
 
 Do make your minds up faster. 
 
 Burly Bob will do the job 
 
 At that not distant day. 
 Uncertain people often are 
 
 Uncertain in their play. 
 
 George Smith of Williamstown 
 
 Went to School on Monday, 
 Graduated Tuesday, 
 
 Went to College Wednesday, 
 
 Woke a Soph'more Thursday, 
 
 Joined a fraternity Friday, 
 Got a pin on Saturday 
 
 To astonish the natives Sunday.^ 
 
 One poor mouse 
 
 In the Prefect's part of the house, 
 [36 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1889 
 
 He frightened poor Austin most out of his life. 
 Bob Emmons seized hold of a carving knife. 
 The noise was like kids when engaged in strife. 
 Poor small mouse. 
 
 I watched the drill last Wednesday till 
 
 I almost died of laughter. 
 Majestic trod the awkward squad. 
 
 With Converse-ation ^ after. 
 
 To Catsy Polk ^^ a mournful joke 
 
 Occurred one summer's day. 
 Oh, the suffering sore of the Commodore 
 
 Of the fleet of Black Rock Bay. 
 The Rebecca beheld the most pitiful sight 
 
 She had seen for many a day. 
 
 Wicked Jimmy Sullivan, 
 Naughty little gentleman. 
 
 Out upon you, fie! 
 Instead of feasts in your new hut 
 You gave me sausage, true, — ah, but 
 
 It hit me in the eye. 
 
 Edgy ^^ got into a laugh one day. 
 
 And laughed himself black in the face. 
 
 At Chapel he 's undertaker now, 
 A most appropriate place. 
 
 "I'm better to-day," I heard the child say. 
 As he lay in his little white bed. 
 
 [ 37 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 "My winter flannels are on — with love 
 Moncure" — was all he said.^^ 
 
 Who's handsome Eddy?^^ 
 
 "I know full well/' 
 
 Said Professor Bell, 
 '^But I won't tell/' he cried. 
 
 The gentleman said nothing, but 
 He "blushed with modest pride." 
 
 There was a little Flam ^* 
 And although he did n't cram. 
 All full of learning was his little head, 
 head, head; 
 So brilliantly he shines. 
 In all literary lines 
 That it 's turned his wavy locks a gorgeous 
 auburn, auburn, auburn. 
 
 Mr. B., Mr. B., where have you been? 
 
 I got on my horse and he galloped like sin. 
 Mr. B., Mr. B., where did you go.'' 
 
 He tore to the stable while I shouted Whoa. 
 
 'T is the voice of the Pect'ral,^^ — I heard him declare 
 To the Varsity Glee Club, "I'll sing you an air;" 
 
 As the door on its hinges, so he with his voice 
 Makes Harvard resound with mellifluous noise. 
 
 There was a man in our School 
 And he was wondrous wise, 
 
 [ 38 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1889 
 
 He 's brother to the gentleman 
 
 With astigmatic eyes; 
 They call him Calf or little Veal/^ 
 
 Diminutive of Beef, 
 Sum never takes an object, dear, 
 
 In the "accusatif." i^ 
 
 Heigh diddle diddle. 
 
 Six feet round the middle. 
 Bow window ^^ was sitting on Calf, 
 
 The little dog ^^ laughed to see the sport. 
 And we all know the Whitney laugh. 
 
 Yes! five long years have past us flown, 
 
 I 've seen them come and go 
 Since I was just old Foxy's ^^ age. 
 
 Till now I 'm white as snow. 
 My little squad of table boys 
 
 Is now reduced to three. 
 How well I can remember now 
 
 The blushes of Austin ^^ wee, 
 
 How Meredith Hare and I 'd dispute. 
 
 And Bob cried, "Sick him, Towser," 
 And Edgy's big brother put little black dolls ^^ 
 
 In the pocket of my trouser. 
 And yet as I look about to-night 
 
 And see so many faces 
 Of those we 've loved for these five years 
 
 In their accustomed places, 
 
 [ 39 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I almost think it 's all a dream 
 
 And we are back once more 
 At the fifteenth of October 
 
 In the year of 'eighty-four. 
 When the Rector and Mr. Billings and I 
 
 Retired to bed at ten. 
 And rang the outside bell and gongs. 
 
 For there were no prefects then; 
 
 Ere our dear Mrs. P. had come to the School, 
 
 And Malcolm did n't exist. 
 And Robb was a kid and so was the Bid, 
 
 And MuUins a vocalist. 
 Oh ! the Groton quartette, I remember yet. 
 
 And often I have told 
 How well Horatio ^^ crossed the bridge 
 
 In the brave days of old. 
 
 And Bearsy ^* was, oh, such a sweet little boy. 
 And Cochrane was, oh, such a pickle. 
 
 And the Golden Hen ^^ had love affairs. 
 But even then was fickle. 
 
 Oh ! boys of to-day, may you be true 
 To the standard the old boys raise. 
 
 May the School be as proud of her younger sons 
 As of those of bygone days ! 
 
 [ 40] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Mr. G. Hopes 2 C his friends at T. 
 ^ W. R. Cross — painted biceps with iodine to make him- 
 self strong. 
 3 S. V. R. Thayer. 
 
 * Ellery Sedgwick — later a Master. 
 
 5 J. D. Meredith. 
 
 ^ Warwick Potter — a Freshman. 
 
 "^ A. R. Sargent. 
 
 ^ And was married almost immediately after. 
 
 ® H. C. Converse — John Bofies, Archbishop of Groton- 
 
 bury. 
 
 F. L. Polk — a Sound Yachtsman. 
 
 Reverend E. F. Chauncey — an ungovernable laugher. 
 ^ Moncure Robinson s telegram to his grandmother. 
 3 E. B. Bartlett. 
 
 * J. S. Francis. 
 
 ^ X. Tremain — Cherry Nose; hence j Cherry Pectoral. 
 
 6 J. D. Meredith. 
 New Jersey and Pennsylvania pronunciation of words 
 endijig in ive. 
 
 ^ W. A.M. Burden — Rex Hcedorum, King of the Kids. 
 Payne Whitney. 
 
 20 E. F. Fitzhugh. 
 
 21 Austin Potter. 
 
 22 St. Valentine favours from D. C. Chauncey. 
 
 2^ H. Bigelow. 1st Hare and Hounds run. Rescued from 
 R. R. bridge. 
 
 24 C. R. Sturgis. 
 
 25 R. B. Potter. 
 
 [ 41 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1889 
 [Fragment] 
 
 You know the mid-terra tests we had. 
 
 Our Sixth Form all got A, 
 And lost, by overdoing it. 
 
 Their B half holiday. 
 
 «I guess that I will try the Choir, 
 
 My voice might well be worse. 
 They need sopranos to sing higher," 
 
 Says slouchy John Converse. 
 
 Oh, have you seen my map of Greece? 
 
 Have you read my proclamations. 
 In flowing style to decipher which 
 
 Needs liberal educations? 
 
 Oh, fie ! my friends, beware 
 
 Of sudden retribution. 
 You 're wasting the precious chalk 
 
 Of the pauper institution. 
 
 I looked through the catalogue one day. 
 
 And fluttering o'er its leaflets 
 I found such a joke — Now what do you think 
 
 Was the middle name of Beeflets.'^ ^ 
 
 Four hats in the confiscation closet 
 Six days in the week kept in. 
 
 [ 43 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 You hardly need to ask what was it, 
 'Twas Dennis, what could it have been? 
 
 ''Now stop the play," the Captain cried, 
 
 "Let everybody wait. 
 A brand-new theory Freddy ^ has. 
 
 One that he wants to state." 
 
 "Oh, Bob, why couldn't this be done — 
 Our stalwart guards can shield 
 
 The backs so well that I will snap 
 A goal from centre field?" 
 
 The waves they wobble with wavy motion. 
 The eels may squirm in the billowy ocean. 
 But what is the wobbliest, squirmiest thing 
 You ever beheld in your wandering? 
 
 Many quivering quakes have met mine eyes, 
 But for willowy grace — I confess surprise 
 That you need to ask — Just look! Look there, 
 'Tis Wobbly Willie, the Jersey Hare.^ 
 
 "Oh, where have you been, Billy boy, Billy boy?* 
 
 Oh, where have you been. Little Billy?" 
 
 "I 've been pulling big chest weights. 
 
 Though it 's something my soul hates, 
 
 I 'm a fat boy and somehow must get thinner." 
 
 "To play centre rush, Billy boy, Billy boy. 
 To push Murray Forbes, Little Billy?" 
 "Yes, and he will have to hustle, 
 
 [ 44 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1889 
 
 If he beats me with his muscle, 
 
 We are fat boys and somehow must get thinner." 
 
 '^Who threw the putty I got on my pants 
 
 And my hat and my coat and my face and my hands? 
 
 Speak, kind friend, who was it, please, 
 
 Got the school-room again all covered with grease?" 
 
 The two, who threw what they had n't ought ter. 
 
 Were Gerard and the lovely Farmer's Daughter.^ 
 
 Pray, tell me what are these shrill cries? 
 
 What makes this dismal noise? 
 These wails that on the air arise — 
 
 Is 't playful cats or angry boys? 
 
 "I 'm quite too awfully furious. 
 
 My nerves are all unstrung. 
 Our Club is scorned — it's curious. 
 
 Our songs are all unsung." 
 
 "Well, let it go, it 's better so. 
 
 We 're young boys — there 's the rub. 
 
 You have to be old, not musical. 
 To join the real Glee Club."^ 
 
 Can you tell why Mr. Gladwin 's pale? 
 Is he ill? Good friend, what can him ail? 
 I 'm afraid that something has gone wrong. 
 For he 's certainly looking far from strong. 
 
 The wife of the dancing master smiled. 
 
 Can you wonder he turned as weak as a child? 
 
 [ 45 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He buried his face in a bushy beard 
 
 To escape the smile of that woman weird. 
 
 Oh, come. Dr. Warren, come over and see 
 What matter there is with my wretched old knee. 
 I 've swaggered for one that we never have met, 
 I 've never been caught in a mesh of your net. 
 My muscle is broken, but no one can wait. 
 My knee-cap is floating, a terrible state. 
 
 On came the physician without any vest; 
 Through all the small village his steed was the best. 
 Save douches and plaster, he weapons had none. 
 Fire gleamed in his eye as he rode all alone. 
 "The last one," he shouted, "I gladly will come, 
 All masters and boys have been under my thumb." 
 
 Have you seen little Rouge.? "^ He 's simply 
 huge, 
 
 'T would fill you with delight. 
 What on earth does he say in his artless way 
 
 Just after his daily fight.? 
 
 "Mein Herr! Die Katze! Was is dass? 
 
 Ich punschen Sie das Head. 
 Gut' Nacht, mein Freund! Hoop la! Come on! 
 
 Ich schlag' das Beeflein dead." 
 
 "Please, sir," to me a small boy cried, 
 
 "No black marks can I write; 
 My sleeves were long, a big boy tied 
 
 My hands quite out of sight." 
 [ 46 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1889 
 
 Who did it? — No, he will not tell ; 
 
 But stay, the rascal 's caught. 
 Who 'twas we all now know full well ^ — 
 
 'T was tied with a sailor's knot. 
 
 "Chop that wood up quickly! 
 
 Get your hands all dirty! 
 Go to work like busy B's! 
 
 Briskie, Bill and Bertie." ^ 
 This I overheard in the forest t' other day- 
 
 Who 's the tyrant thus to make 
 Three lazy boys obey? 
 
 Hush! he might hear and lick you. 
 
 Keep it dark, be sure. 
 The mighty man of valour 
 
 Is the terrible Moncure.^^ 
 
 Jack!! 11 
 Alack!! 
 Thwack ! ! 
 Crack ! ! 
 Is it murder? 
 
 No, it 's fun, 
 
 Sellery 's having with his chum 
 
 The "Senior Prefect" and Fleissiger Freund. 
 
 "Rethpect the Rabbi and learn to mind." 
 
 Where did you get those socks? 
 Where did you get those hose? 
 
 [ 47 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 / want some Plymouth Rocks 
 About the shade of those. 
 
 Bertie ^^ had a dozen pair 
 
 LoveUer than the dawn. 
 Patten called them loud. 
 So Bertie the proud 
 
 Just sold them for a song. 
 
 Can you speak the language the prefects speak? 
 
 If so, you 're more clever than I. 
 I 've been practising now about a week. 
 
 And should like to hear you try. 
 
 Mose Coony — a good old Saxon word; 
 
 Frowzee — a Dickens term; and 
 DuBuck, Mein Schmutziger and besoin — 
 
 It 's the Sixth's idea of German. 
 
 Why are the boudoir walls so bare? 
 
 Where is the bric-a-brac? 
 What are the distant wails we hear 
 
 Mingled with many a thwack? 
 
 Oh, nothing, Malcolm 's swallowed up 
 
 A china candlestick, 
 A work-box, chair, and photograph. 
 
 And now perhaps he 's sick. 
 
 Last week he tore the books all up. 
 This week he smashed the clock, 
 [48 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1889 
 
 Twisted the fender into bits. 
 Spilt ink upon his frock. 
 
 Amid the ruins of the room 
 
 He sat him down and smiled. 
 One must not complicate the tastes 
 
 Of such a simple child. ^^ 
 
 Elihu has sent us a messenger^* 
 
 To tell us to "feed our faces." 
 This evening "sure" 'twere footless to fail, 
 
 And how much that word embraces. 
 
 The concert's been "smooth" the singing "slick/' 
 Quite "chast/' as Elihu would say. 
 
 "Oh, Easy," we all reply with a shout — 
 Is our language the style of the day.^* 
 
 Old Christmas comes to us again. 
 
 Old and yet always young. 
 With Peace on Earth, Good Will to Men, 
 
 The song by angels sung. 
 
 Once more with music and with mirth 
 
 The Homestead Hall is gay. 
 The joy of our Redeemer's birth 
 
 Fills us once more to-day. 
 
 From far and near old Groton's sons 
 Return to join the cheer 
 
 C 49 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 That warms our hearts at Christmastide 
 With each revolving year. 
 
 Though tempests fierce may rage without 
 And darkness shroud the earth, 
 
 The Star that shone on Bethlehem 
 To light our Saviour's birth — 
 
 Oh, may it shine within our hearts 
 When the world's storms shall beat; 
 
 Through cold and darkness may it guide 
 To Bethlehem our feet. 
 
 Ah, memories of Christmastide, 
 
 The Light Divine shall shed 
 A radiance upon our souls 
 
 From that poor lowly bed. 
 
 There as we kneel before the Child, 
 
 To guide us on our way. 
 Out of the storm and darkness wild 
 
 Unto His perfect day. 
 
 [ 50 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Joseph Dennie Meredith. 
 
 2 F. Gilhooly Webb. 
 
 3 W. H. Hare. 
 
 * W. A. M. Burden. 
 
 ^ D. Farringion. 
 
 ^ H. R. Remsen, Duke ofBilgewater, started a Glee Club 
 
 which was suppressed by a mob. 
 "^ Flambard — J. S. Francis. 
 ^ R. W. Emmons. 
 
 ^ G. Z. Gray, W. S. Patten and R. M. Winthrop. 
 ^^ Moncure Robinson. 
 
 ^^ John Adams after diving from his window in his sleep 
 was compelled to room with Ellery Sedgwick of the Sixth 
 Form on the ground floor. They often disagreed. Each 
 was nicknamed Buck. 
 12 R, M. Whithrop. 
 
 1^ Quotation from the Madam's '^^ Precepts for Parents.'' 
 1* Pierre Jay. 
 
 [ 51 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1890 
 
 ROUND flies the wheel of time^ the year is past, 
 . And, lo. Page one, first Volume, Chapter last, 
 A fat and lively Volume top, still growing bigger. 
 Quite three to one of what it was, or near that figure. 
 To satisfy these numerous appetites 
 Taxes a cook these Annivers'ry Nights, 
 And taxes worse the wretched poet's wit 
 On each and all of all this horde to sit; 
 Especially, since lately he 's been taught 
 Sitting holds dangers of unlooked-for sort. 
 Whoever dreamt of such a deadly snare, 
 A piece of chewing-gum beneath the chair. 
 So looking carefully throughout the list 
 Of victims as on mills to grind his grist. 
 He has selected two or three as fit 
 And safe, whereon he now proceeds to sit. 
 
 Fat Frank, the fleshy Frenchman,^ 
 
 Is visiting this shore. 
 So we 've made him Fancy Corpulent 
 
 Of our military corps. 
 With gleaming lance 
 He will proudly prance 
 At the head of the marching column. 
 
 And gayly prod 
 
 The awkward squad 
 With an air quite "To To" solemn. 
 
 [ 53 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Behind him, mid the bravest. 
 
 The skirmish line advances. 
 With all the fighters well in front 
 
 And those with warlike fancies. 
 Sing, Muse, the valiant warriors, 
 
 No Hectors here nor Troys, 
 But epic verse to celebrate 
 
 A troop of Groton boys. 
 
 The fighting men of Scotland, 
 
 The Douglases of yore. 
 The Sullivans of Boston, 
 
 Could learn the art of war 
 From their namesakes and admirers 
 
 Of this more recent date. 
 With doughty Robeson Sargent 
 
 Their zeal to stimulate. 
 Oh! doughty Robeson Sargent 
 
 A-sitting in the grate. 
 And Johnny Rogers fighting hard 
 
 For fear he might be late. 
 Run, Johnny, run, the bell has rung. 
 
 Run Mighty Sargent too. 
 Or Henry Clews and Freddy Hale 
 
 Perchance may hustle you. 
 By the way, I 'm glad to see Freddy here. 
 
 He thought he might n't do so. 
 But stay all alone in the School forlorn 
 
 Like a lonely Robinson Crusoe. 
 In warfare of old we often read 
 
 Of deadly battering-rams, 
 [ 54 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1890 
 
 But the army corps which I next discuss 
 
 Consists of no such shams. 
 No battering-rams we now possess. 
 
 As our ignorant ancestors did. 
 But the modern style of artillery 
 
 Is the deadly Rollicking Kid. 
 
 He 's of various kinds — now short and fat. 
 
 With newspaper clippings inside his hat. 
 
 And funny ideas on this and that. 
 
 And answering to the name of Pat.^ 
 
 Or then again, he is long and thin. 
 
 And studies when he 's not kept in. 
 
 The queerest type I have ever met — oh! 
 
 So long drawn out like an odd stiletto.^ 
 
 I might have said something more severe. 
 
 But five good pounds of Huyler 
 
 Have arrived for the gentleman hinted at 
 
 Reserved for his reviler. 
 
 Sometimes it acts with silent grace. 
 
 With a smile on its Ameseable ^ face. 
 
 And another kind goes with a shriek and a scream 
 
 Like little Joe Meredith letting off steam. 
 
 One speaks a queer language that none understands ; 
 
 We call it a Jaffray^ — from foreign lands; 
 
 One speaks not at all — like Baker ^ you know; 
 
 And one all the time, Bertram Longjumeau.'*' 
 
 Oh ! we do these things better than olden times did. 
 
 No battering-ram *s like a Rollicking Kid. 
 
 * [ 55 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The Commissariat is in charge 
 
 Of a Burden ^ of proportions large. 
 
 With chewing-gum, stingarees and tongue 
 
 And a box of MelUn's Food for the young; 
 
 While ammunition is supplied 
 
 In the shape of powder scentified. 
 
 Cosmetics, puffs, and what you like 
 
 In the cubicle of his brother Ike.® 
 
 The nobility and gentry 
 
 Bring up the next array, 
 Third-Formers chiefly with haughty mien 
 
 And an impressive way. 
 Long John, the Lord Archbishop, ^^ 
 
 From Falmouth's distant sand. 
 And his disgrace the great Ex-Duke 
 
 Of Bilgewater ^^ so grand. 
 Hail to the Noble Wagstaff 
 
 Of Hoboken the pride. 
 Whose voice by a regular vocatrice 
 
 Has recently been tried. 
 And who sings in such exquisite tenor strains 
 
 Those tunes of which cows have died. 
 And a rumour got round not long ago 
 
 About the Adams boys. 
 That on state occasions they are dressed 
 
 As Little Lord Fauntleroys.^^ 
 
 And Lord High Chamberlain Barret ^^ 
 With a single glass, oh my ! 
 
 [ 56 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1890 
 
 And other Lords in waiting 
 
 From other forms march by, 
 Each squinting Hke anything to keep 
 
 The glass within their eye. 
 And I had a gag upon Moncure ^* 
 
 Which he wouldn't let me write; 
 He '11 tell it to you, though, I 'm sure. 
 
 If you question him to-night. 
 And the old boys have a special place 
 
 In this part of the procession: 
 They are our true nobility 
 
 When College is in session. 
 We welcome our youngest Harvard Kid, 
 
 Our only original Buck ; ^^ 
 And the rest of the crowd of olden days. 
 
 And wish them the best of luck. 
 
 A special war correspondent follows. 
 Who all the facts and rumours swallows 
 To produce forty pages of news on Sunday 
 With a column of advertisemei^ts Monday. ^^ 
 
 The body of the army corps. 
 
 As army corps should be. 
 Is armed with Greeks and Algebras 
 
 And fighting shy of me. 
 One soldier thinks all problems solved 
 
 When once you 've learned to Tweak 'em.^"^ 
 And Scottyi^'d be good at dead languages 
 
 If he only could learn to speak 'em. 
 
 [ 57 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Jerry ^® is always in abstract thought. 
 
 And Dexter ^^ is always so meek 'em, 
 And there's music in e'en the inflection of verbs 
 
 When you listen to Schmitty ^^ squeak 'em. 
 And Freddy Hale thinks an Answer Book 
 
 Were an excellent Vade-Mecum. 
 But one and all we do dearly love 
 
 To hear the old Cat's ^^ Greek 'um, 
 And I thought of a squib on Williams ^^ too. 
 
 But it was so awfully weak 'um. 
 
 Behind them marches a bigger throng 
 
 With war-paint on of brilliant red ; 
 I need n't tell you which foiTQ this is. 
 
 This is n't a squib on its worthy head.^^ 
 But if ever you want a taste of war 
 
 Where the enemy killed is Father Time, 
 Just ask those fighters the uses for 
 
 The Future Optative — not in rhyme.^^ 
 
 The column passes onward. 
 
 And next all eyes behold 
 The blinker and the thinker 
 
 Like Socrates of old.^® 
 Take heed the line, stand firm and true. 
 
 Look out for Uncle Rawle, 
 He 's a terrible fellow for snaking through 
 
 When once he 's got the ball. 
 And although this is no football field. 
 
 When he sees the marchers lined, 
 
 [ 58 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1890 
 
 They might get suddenly head-over-heel'd 
 He has such an absent mind. 
 
 The music of the army corps 
 
 Is largely instrumental. 
 Young Peter Bowditch ^^ handles his drum 
 
 In a manner most ungentle. 
 And Jerry executes a roll 
 
 Which makes the windows rattle; 
 While Sullivan's ^^ tricks with his two drum-sticks 
 
 Recall a regular battle. 
 But the vocal music consists of Cross,^^ 
 
 Who sings an obligato. 
 Accompanied by the Peabody babes 
 
 In high-pitched modulato; 
 While a very impressive "Newport Air" 
 
 Accompanies the strain, — 
 "The Burden ^^ of the Song/' 'tis called, — 
 
 And a Dog^^ barks the refrain. 
 This Dog requests a bind or two 
 
 About poor Henry Clews 
 To make him blush — it might be done. 
 
 But really what's the use.^* 
 What use in multiplying squibs 
 
 Or writing jokes by dozens? 
 There 's Barney ^^ who will blush instead. 
 
 His blushiest of cousins. 
 
 The officers I would next describe. 
 But I fear I might be so amusing 
 
 [ 59 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 That Corporal Chauncey ^^ would act in a way 
 
 That really would be confusing. 
 If I got off one of my worn-out squibs 
 
 On Patten or Briskie Gray, 
 Or Emmons translating a Latin Book 
 
 In his very peculiar way, 
 Or allusions to Dick ^* as Paddlequick, 
 
 Or the ancient Corned-Beef jokes. 
 He might swell up and die with tears in his eye 
 
 And wriggles and gurgles and chokes. 
 The column marches across the field 
 
 And enters a building vast; 
 They halt and offer their glad salute 
 
 To the Future from the Past. 
 But, alas, two figures stand aside. 
 
 Nor forward may they go. 
 Our two that remain of our olden pride 
 
 That Groton used to know: 
 Our Captain,^^ who '11 bring one more victory yet 
 
 From Lancaster's battle-ground. 
 So long our leader, our leader still. 
 
 Well tried and worthy found. 
 As he for Groton typifies 
 
 The strength of her right arm. 
 So by his side the other ^^ stands. 
 
 Her wisdom and her calm. 
 And the fifth receives the battle-sword — 
 
 Oh, keep it fair and bright 
 In the days to come, as of yore, my boys — 
 
 So they vanished from my sight. 
 
 [ 60 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ F. M. Forbes — Corporal "To To." 
 
 2 /. M. Patterson. 
 
 ^ John Shillito Rogers — Stiletto. 
 
 * F. Lothrop Ames. 
 
 ^ Arthur J affray 
 
 « R. B. Baker. 
 
 ^ B. F. Bell. 
 
 8 W. A. M. Burden. 
 
 ^ I. T. Burden, Jr. 
 
 ^ H. C. Converse. 
 
 ^ H. R. Remsen, nee Wagstaff. 
 
 2 The Adams tivins, Henry and John, at the ivedding of 
 
 their sister. 
 ^ Cecil Barret. 
 ^ M. Robinson. 
 ^ E. Sedgwick. 
 ^ J. M. Patterson. 
 ^ F. G. Thomson. 
 8 H. D. Scott. 
 
 S. K. Gerard. 
 ^^ Endicott Dexter. 
 
 21 P. L. Smith. 
 
 22 C. Thomson. 
 
 23 C. H. Williams. 
 
 2* /. S. Francis — Flambard the Rouge. 
 
 2^ Famous controversy between the author and Professor 
 
 Higley. 
 2^ J. Aertsen Rawle. 
 ^'^ H. I. Bowditch — Peter the First. 
 2^ J. A. Sullivan. 
 29 W. R. Cross. 
 
 [ 61 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^^ /. T. Burden, Jr. 
 
 31 P. Whitney. 
 
 3^ A. H. Barney. 
 
 3^ E. F. Chauncey. 
 
 3* R. Wheatland. 
 
 3^ R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 3^ Austin Potter. 
 
 [ 62 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1890 
 [Fragment] 
 
 When winter storms begin to celebrate 
 
 High carnival with wind and cold and sleet, 
 And training 's broken and boys congregate 
 
 In study and in school-room just to eat. 
 And twirl their thumbs and don't know what to do 
 
 (The rain without is coming down in torrents). 
 And every one is waxing rather blue. 
 
 An invitation comes from Mrs. Lawrence. 
 
 Then stir and bustle fills those stagnant halls — 
 
 The Glee Club takes its music from the shelf. 
 And clears its throat, and warbles, coos and squalls. 
 
 And one can hardly listen to one's self. 
 Sam Blagden flits impressively around 
 
 And "manages" you all know with what skill. 
 Banjos are polished up and fiddles sound. 
 
 And strains melodious the class-room fill. 
 
 The Choir 's practising some new cantata. 
 
 The kids e'en cease from their perennial fight. 
 
 While thoughts of doughnuts make the mouth to water. 
 And dreams of festival now heave in sight. 
 
 From distant Cambridge and more distant Eli, 
 The followers of the Crimson and the Blue 
 
 Once more in the old Homestead are united. 
 Not Yale, not Harvard, but Grotonians true. 
 [ 63 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The Oracles then hold a conversation. 
 
 And tear their hair and rail upon their fate, 
 
 And the result of all their consultation 
 
 In varied rhyme they now propose to state. 
 
 'tis^ a treasure, 
 
 O 'tis a pleasure, 
 O 't is a lovely flower to the view ; 
 
 O 't is a Violet 
 That met my eye o* late. 
 
 Oh, 't is a Fair Field ^ wherein it grew. 
 
 Thayer is my stanza, 
 
 Thayer is my answer, 
 Thayer is the best thing the Faculty 's done 
 
 For many a season. 
 
 And Thayer is the reason 
 We think Mr. T. has acquired the bun. 
 
 We '11 welcome her to our School and our hearts 
 
 With gladness and with joy. 
 And she shall learn how true and warm 
 
 Is the love of a Groton boy. 
 
 And in the spring when violets bloom 
 We 'U all appear at the marriage. 
 
 And send three good old Groton cheers 
 To speed the rice-strewn carriage. 
 
 [ 64 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1890 
 
 Now feed your faces, footless kids. 
 
 Open your mouthlets wide; 
 It 's easy fruit for Chittenden, 
 
 He 's such a big inside. 
 
 Yes, "that are it," thinks Stalking Horse,^ 
 And Preston 's always Reddy,* 
 
 Hutchins and White will eat to-night 
 And all the kids — and Freddy.^ 
 
 Roberts and Farrington and Cross, 
 They'd like to "eat a batch"; 
 
 "Dead easy" 'tis, as you will find, 
 "Beschmerk and tweakumsnatch." ^ 
 
 For all the fine performances 
 
 And all the pretty tunes 
 Are over — supper's now the "faze"; 
 
 You '11 find it "full of prunes." 
 
 Devens and Brown and Whitney too, 
 
 Barney and all the gang. 
 Go show by your big appetites 
 
 That you 've enjoyed "those sang." '^ 
 
 Christmas, glad Christmas, blessed feast. 
 
 Most joyous of the year. 
 Telling 'mid cold and winter's storms 
 
 Of home and parents dear. 
 [ 65 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And best of all^ the love of God 
 Most high come down to earth. 
 
 Darkness is past, the day has dawned 
 Of our Redeemer's birth. 
 
 And o'er this world with all its ills. 
 With healing in His wings, 
 
 The Sun of Righteousness has risen. 
 And all creation sings 
 
 The song of joy sung long ago 
 
 By angel hosts above. 
 Glory to God most high, and peace 
 
 On Earth, good will and love. 
 
 [66 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 Engagement just announced of Reverend W. G. Thayer 
 
 and Miss Violet Otis. 
 
 Miss Otis lived on Fairfield Street. 
 
 Hugh Auchincloss. 
 
 Carl Preston (Reddy). 
 
 F. Hale. 
 
 Remarks of R. Emmons. 
 
 Quoted words are specimens of Yale dialect imported by 
 
 Pierre Jay. 
 
 [ 67 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1891 
 
 I'D about made up my mind 
 That the School was growing old. 
 And childhood's follies left behind, 
 'T would be thought a trifle bold 
 For your everlasting poet 
 
 To trot his chestnuts out; 
 But I found I 'd got to go it. 
 
 There 's such lots to write about. 
 
 This whole concern is on the boom — 
 Circumspice! Behold this room! 
 If you a monument require. 
 The school-room you will please admire; 
 Our system of electric light 
 That goes out every other night. 
 And leaves the home-sick little boys 
 A chance to make their fiendish noise; 
 Studies in blue, and ones in red, 
 A large suite for the prefects' head. 
 Each fitted out at great expense 
 With carpets of magnificence. 
 Measuring nearly one foot square. 
 For fear the flooring might look bare. 
 
 A sanctum for Grotonian's wit 
 (We hope 'twill help a little bit). 
 Though none, alas, exists as yet 
 For the St. Willibald Gazette.^ 
 
 [ 69 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And over at the other School, 
 Supreme once more the owner^ 's rule 
 Over a recitation room. 
 Who says that things are n't on the boom? 
 
 You should have heard last Monday morn 
 Upon the distant breezes borne 
 The voices of the First and Second 
 Shrieking in sweet accord — I reckoned 
 The School was booming out of sight 
 To hear that music class recite. 
 
 But better than these transitory things 
 
 Is one improvement which your poet sings. 
 
 ' T was greeted with loud triumph when it came, 
 
 I know that no one needs to ask her name. 
 
 Hurrah, then, for the Rectoress of Ayer, 
 
 And three times three be given for Mrs. Thayer. 
 
 Ere one to these improvements farewell bids, 
 'T were meet to say a word about the kids. 
 But never was there such a lot of names. 
 Jaw-breakers to find rhymes for — picture frames 
 To shrine the youth in, his true form conceal. 
 For names do seldom character reveal. 
 Whoever could make decent verses now 
 To rhyme with Chickenfeed or Brindlecow.'* ^ 
 
 After I 'd sought a rhyme for Buckinghorse * 
 (I'd studied Life and Judge, and Puck in course) 
 I gave it up and turned to Postlethwaite, 
 And there I met with such an awful fate 
 
 [ 70 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1891 
 
 That in despair I turned to Crazyhead/ 
 
 And in the darkness of my mazyhead 
 
 I came to the conclusion that I 'd stick names 
 
 Of boys who had as yet no rhymeful nicknames 
 
 Safe in the middle of my fluent verse. 
 
 For I was going on from bad to worse. 
 
 Though here I 'd like to pause and say a good word 
 
 For such an easy name to rhyme as Woodward. 
 
 And I might rattle off a couplet glibly. 
 
 Making all sorts of rhymes with Dibblee. 
 
 I went to the animal's fair, 
 The Dog ^ and the Cat "^ were there. 
 The Study boys made most of the noise 
 With the Pelican ^ in the Chair. 
 
 And this was the song they sung. 
 Till the very rafters rung. 
 Chock full of squids on the newest kids 
 So fearfully fresh and young. 
 
 Oh, Bobo,^ thou lubberly boy. 
 
 Is thy heart not filled with joy? 
 
 And King Bully Burden and Sullivan Jim 
 
 You 've so many kids to annoy .f* 
 
 To begin with tiny White,^^ 
 
 He 's had such an awful fright, 
 
 That he went and hid, the poor young kid. 
 
 In the boot-box the other night. 
 
 [ 71 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He did it just to see 
 
 How awful the spot might be. 
 
 But 'twas only an error, his object of terror 
 
 Is quite a nice place to be. 
 
 For little Jack Minturn bad, 
 
 That awfully mischievous lad. 
 
 Had been pulling chairs from beneath unawares. 
 
 And making poor Whitelet sad. 
 
 A regular mine of gold 
 
 The boots of Hawkins hold,^^ 
 
 For thrifty David has carefully saved 
 
 Ten cents for each night, I 'm told, 
 
 For fear they should not be blacked. 
 So he 's punctual and exact. 
 And pays in advance, nor risks the chance 
 That attention should be lacked. 
 
 The newest kid of all ^^ 
 Who arrived this current fall 
 Is a little dot, a mite of a tot. 
 Who does nothing now but squall. 
 
 She weighs nine pounds and a half. 
 
 And 's as fat as a welj-fed calf. 
 
 But she 's done what good such a little thing could. 
 
 She got us a holiday half. 
 
 The Barneys have purchased a store 
 Of milliner s goods galore ; 
 
 [ 72 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1891 
 
 And I can tell you they 'd like to sell you 
 An exquisite pinafore, 
 
 Lace handkerchiefs and collars 
 For the use of the younger scholars. 
 And petticoats for the kids and the goats — 
 The whole for a couple of dollars. 
 
 There 's a boy with a great round face ^^ 
 And uncommon degree of grace. 
 He won't play ball nor nothing at all. 
 But just loafs about the place. 
 
 He won't go in to swim. 
 But I '11 tell you the trouble with him: 
 His grandfather got in the water one time 
 And escaped with life and limb. 
 
 But 't was quite a close shave, they say, 
 
 A yellow dog came that way. 
 
 And grandfather caught and held on by his tail. 
 
 And learned to swim that day. 
 
 And once an Injun chief 
 
 Came terribly near to grief: 
 
 He sank and came up a frozen corpse. 
 
 Though the tale seems past belief 
 
 So he dreads the water cold. 
 
 This younger Curtis bold. 
 
 While his brother EUicott 's terribly delicate 
 
 And don't know beans, I 'm told. 
 
 [ 73] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The eldest Hooker sat ^* 
 
 One day in a puddle flat, 
 
 With a cry of despair in a pond in his chair. 
 
 And a sploshy one at that. 
 
 Once when Mr. Billings gave 
 
 Rebuke with this sentence grave, 
 
 " A black mark to you,' ' — said Emmons, " Do you ? ' ' 
 
 I fear Bobletine's a knave. ^^ 
 
 Jim Sullivan, as it seems. 
 
 Of the Parker House restaurant dreams 
 
 Like a grown-up man, shaved as clean as he can 
 
 With the best of Meltonian creams. 
 
 There's little O' Roberts now,!^ 
 
 As fresh as a green hay-mow. 
 
 But to be impartial, he ' s about as Martial 
 
 As a gentle and elderly cow. 
 
 Why, Hale! httle fellow, well met," 
 But don't you wish you 'd eat 
 The watermelon which just now fell on 
 Your floor and made it wet? 
 
 'T was all along of Jerry,^^ 
 
 For though it ' s trying very 
 
 To have a chum who is always glum. 
 
 He 's awful when always merry. 
 
 They 've been treating you most unkind. 
 He has to walk behind 
 
 [ 74 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1891 
 
 In the drill, and they call him a squunt until 
 He is almost out of his mind. 
 
 Hast ever noticed Cracked Head's walk? ^* 
 'Twas caused by wounds — so runs the talk — 
 Received when on the football team 
 Of Andover^ as it would seem. 
 
 Alas, the football days are over. 
 We fear, for us, our days of clover. 
 For Bertie won't consent to play 2** 
 Upon our team — ah, well — aday. 
 
 Sentenced to pass beneath the pump 
 Was any throat that felt no lump. 
 When Jerry read extracts from Solon, 
 Was any cheek no tear did roll on.? 
 
 When Corbin said in accents sad,^^ 
 "We fear, dear Bertie, you are bad. 
 And by this grave and learned throng. 
 Decide your conduct 's been most wrong." 
 
 Oh, what 's struck little Patterson, I wonder,^^ 
 Since the Chicago nine has gone to thunder.? 
 It must be that these oft-repeated shocks 
 Brought on his bad attack of chicken-pox. 
 
 To gayer themes now turn your ears away. 
 The Pelican 's a dirty bird, they say. 
 But little Cousin Bayard chirps and tweets 
 Like Phililoo bird ^3 when abroad he meets 
 [ 75 ] 
 
26 
 
 GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The stalwart Johnny Rogers in pursuit, 
 Or rough Moncure, who now is turned a brute. 
 And plays fierce football lest perchance his figure 
 About the waist continue to grow bigger. 
 
 Oh, have you heard the sweet aesthetic manner 
 
 In which the Fair young Child smites my pianner? ^4 
 
 And can you find a refuge anywhere 
 
 From the sweet fife notes made by Dennie Hare? 
 
 How merry go the fiddle-strings when stroked 
 
 By little Poplet ^^ Cor bin's muse invoked. 
 
 While Mr. Gladwin's organ squawks and squeaks. 
 
 And Beef makes music if he merely speaks. 
 
 Who says that no material is here 
 
 To form the Glee Club of again this year? 
 
 Talking of that you 're eager, I suppose. 
 To grant your bard a merited repose. 
 So after one remark more I '11 sit down — 
 A greeting to our boys come up from town. 
 
 Gilhooly, we had heard of your attire,^"^ 
 
 And fully ready were we to admire. 
 
 And Squirt, old Bert, we 're glad he 's living yet, 
 
 Nor fallen a victim to the cigarette. 
 
 Hurrah ! for Emmons and for 'ninety-five. 
 Indeed, the wisest Freshman class alive. 
 Your President will win you laurels sweet. 
 When Blue and Crimson on the field shall meet. 
 
 [ 76 ] 
 
 28 
 
BIRTHDAY 1891 
 
 To Wheatland, Patten, Austin, and the rest 
 
 Of Groton's pride our greetings be addressed, 
 
 Graduates of whatever year or date. 
 
 You don't know how much you 've been missed of late. 
 
 We need a few good old Grotonian faces 
 
 To make us feel at home in these strange places. 
 
 Some ties to bind us to the days of yore. 
 
 The golden year of eighteen eighty-four. 
 
 Still 'tis the same old School, the School you knew 
 And loved — and 't is the School which still loves you, 
 And never be the golden days forgotten. 
 Which you made what they were, first years of Groton. 
 
 And as these birthdays come and years increase, 
 May loyalty endure, nor ever cease. 
 And proudly shall our black and red and white 
 Float o'er our School each Anniversary Night. 
 
 [77] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ A treasonable sheet described elsewhere as follows: — 
 A curious caper of a College paper 
 Has lately seen the light, 
 The St. Willibald I believe it 's called, 
 Though I think such a name 's not right. 
 Can you tell me who are the forward few 
 Who dare to entrench on ground 
 So well occupied by our joy and our pride, 
 The Grotonian profound ? 
 
 The Artist is Patten, and the Jokes in Latin 
 Proceed from the pen of Pothure,* 
 While the Ads they say are by Webb and Gray, 
 And Athletics in charge of Moncure.^ 
 And Dick X the brick performs the trick 
 Of writing the poems and squibs. 
 While Cil*^ the quill is merely a frill, 
 And Emmons § tends the Jibs. 
 
 2 W. A. G. 
 
 ^ C. E. Brinl^. 
 
 * Hugh Auchincloss. 
 ^ R. Craighead. 
 
 ^ P. Whitney. 
 "^ C. Thomson. 
 ^ R. B. Cutting. 
 ^ A. R. Sargent. 
 
 10 L. L. White. 
 
 11 ■ D. S. Hawkins. 
 
 * Austin Potter. f M. Robinson. % R. Wheatland. 
 ^ C. Barret. § R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 [ 78] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^^ Rose Peahody. 
 
 13 C. B. Curtis. 
 
 14 R. Hooker. 
 
 1^ W. B. Emmons. 
 
 i« Marshall 0. Roberts. 
 
 1*^ Fredeiick Hale. 
 
 18 ^S-. K Gerard. 
 
 1^ i?. Craighead. 
 
 2^ i?. Craighead. 
 
 22 /. M. Patterson. 
 
 23 ^. 5. Cw/^mg, Jr. 
 
 24 5/azV Fairchild. 
 
 25 /. ^. Cro*^. 
 
 26 fF. F. Meredith. 
 
 27 F. G. ^^66. 
 
 28 iJ. M. Winthrop. 
 
 [ 79] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1891 
 
 [Fragment] 
 
 There are two things, my hearers, that never give out. 
 The poet, with nothing to jingle about. 
 And no less remarkable for its vitality 
 Our Hostess's truly immense hospitality. 
 
 With a leap and a bound as our numbers filled up 
 Serenely she smiled and just ordered more grub. 
 When sixty made " standing room only " the rule. 
 When into the dining-room poured the whole School, 
 
 I heard her complain of but one thing about it — 
 Those two cups of chocolate — some went without it. 
 'T was the greatest relief to my notions at least 
 To find that however the School had increased. 
 
 The Homestead was big and its welcome still bigger 
 
 For a School of a hundred or three times that figure. 
 
 So tune up your banjo, my brother poet. 
 
 And sing them a ditty in form of duet. 
 
 Merry Christmas is here, and the Yule log is blazing, 
 
 So let us indulge in our music amazing. 
 
 We 've listened to singing of solos and Choir, 
 Till with musical zeal the whole School is afire. 
 A Glee Club 's been started to rival the first. 
 Nay, rather outshine it in doing its worst. 
 
 [ 81 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 They '11 sing you a song which is rather complete. 
 Their favorite beverage — something quite neat. 
 And Italian 's not in it, when Greek 's comme il faut 
 The fair maid of Athens — Oh, ^as 'AyaTrw. 
 
 The Burden^ 's maintained in a dull monotone, 
 
 Resembling a fearfully rusty trombone. 
 
 Developing into a grunt or a roar. 
 
 For Aiz has got going his exquisite snore. 
 
 Like the barking of dogs — Freddy Hale has a fit — 
 
 He doesn't like dogs, not the least little bit. 
 
 Confusion reigns wild, they endeavour to wake 
 The musician, when, lo, the whole thing was a fake, 
 'T was a make-believe snore, and the brethren alarmed 
 Find Aiz was all ready, and thoroughly armed. 
 
 A noisy young orchestra starts up below 
 
 To cause the librarians unspeakable woe. 
 
 The instruments chosen, some tin things to pound, 
 
 Emitting an utterly horrible sound. 
 
 Like a kid scrap and Beeflets^ rolled up into one, 
 Or the banjo quintet when indulging in fun. 
 In headlong pursuit as they rush down the stair. 
 The musicians have disappeared into thin air. 
 
 When sudden a voice that would freeze every soul 
 Is heard making murmurings out of John's hole. ^ 
 That lanky-boned gentleman turns to Converse, 
 And finds no one near, only quite the reverse. 
 
 [82] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1891 
 
 Praeterea nihil, 't was only a vox, 
 
 A mere ventilator or heated air-box. 
 
 The librarians are crazy, the game must be bagged, 
 
 All exits stopped up and the culprits are snagged. 
 
 After which a court martial is held on these foes. 
 And librarians return to their wonted repose. 
 
 Our eleven breaking training 
 Is a sight for men and mice. 
 
 With cake and candy raining 
 And alakuma nice. 
 
 Miss Benedict,* dear madam. 
 Is at home at half past five. 
 
 And if a sweet tooth pass that way 
 He ne'er escapes alive. 
 
 Thanksgiving follows quickly. 
 Mince pies keep up the cheer. 
 
 When the eleven sickly 
 Begin to look, and queer. 
 
 And words can give no picture 
 Of the anguish Brisky^ feels 
 
 While Edgy^ from the window 
 Is hung out by the heels. 
 
 And then to clap the chmax, 
 Charles Bouncer'^ has a cake 
 
 Three times the girth of his own waist — 
 You know what that would make. 
 
 [ 83 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Since then the Senior Prefect ^ 
 
 Devises ways and means 
 To save the poor eleven 
 
 From dying in their teens. 
 
 He starts a hare and hounds, sirs, 
 
 To give them exercise, 
 And hopes no more Charles Bouncers 
 
 With birthdays will arise. 
 
 I run myself a little 
 
 And make the fellows laugh 
 To see me limp in anguish 
 
 From a contracted calf. 
 
 As Christmas nears, 
 
 The culprits' fears 
 Increase in ratio frightful. 
 
 Each dreads an " Invitation Home " 
 Or some K. I.® delightful. 
 
 Imagine, then, the shock I had 
 On seeing all the chickens 
 
 Flocking towards the study door 
 Ready to get the dickens. 
 
 But such a sort of dickens ^'^ 'twas. 
 
 So comforting and mild. 
 That Brinley^^ sweetly through it all 
 
 Slept like a little child. 
 
 [ 84 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1891 
 
 A little flimsy, airy rag 
 
 Once hung on Jerry's ^^ neck, 
 Adding its mite to the tidiness 
 
 Of that otherwise slouchy wreck. 
 
 It disappeared from sight to-day, 
 
 Which drove poor Jerry mad. 
 And the loss of his mascot he stoutly avers 
 
 Was what made his Latin so bad. 
 
 We went once to Springfield, alas and alack. 
 We went down in crimson and came home in black. 
 The stay-at-homes decked them in red and in blue. 
 While some wore no ribbons, and others wore two. 
 
 You ask how I liked it ? — I'd rather not tell. 
 But we all were delighted old Bob^^ did so well. 
 And 't was fun coming home in a millionaire style 
 In a special train going per hour one mile. 
 
 There's no use complaining of fortune's queer freaks. 
 But the fellows said I had a grouch for two weeks. 
 
 The famous old Gazette ^^ 
 
 Has not appeared as yet. 
 But the editors are selected. 
 
 And I hope they won't forget 
 
 That the article that's a- writing 
 (" Our Faculty " it 's called) 
 
 Must avoid allusions biting 
 To Mr. Willibald. 
 [ 85 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 /. T. Burden— '' Aiz" or '' Ike." 
 
 2 J. D. Meredith. 
 
 ^ A ventilator coinmunicating from below with the Hun- 
 dred-House Library, near H. C. Converse s desk. 
 
 ^ E. S. Benedict. 
 
 5 G. Z. Gray. 
 
 ^ E. F. Chauncey. 
 
 ^ a B. Curtis. 
 
 8 W. R Cross. 
 
 ^ Kompulsory Invite. 
 
 ^^ Dickens s Christmas Carol — read to the School by Mr. 
 S. E. Peabody. 
 
 ^^ C. E. Brinley. 
 
 12 S. K. Gerard. 
 
 1^ R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 ^* The Willibald Gazette. 
 
 [ 86 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1892 
 
 I WAS really obliged to make fun of myself 
 When I took my old fiddle once more from the 
 shelf 
 And tuned up, and tweaked at the rusty old strings 
 And tried to scrape over a couple of things. 
 Some song of the first golden years of the School 
 To immortalize Prefect, kid, old boy, and fool. 
 Too conscious, alas ! your poor laureate feels 
 That where once it made music, his fiddle now squeals. 
 A big population like ours of to-day 
 But half understands any word that I say. 
 
 When Fifth Formers are kidlike, or kids act like sages. 
 And Sixth, Fourth, and First make a mix of their ages, 
 A handful at most learns of what 's going on. 
 Why, no one knows Converse's name is n't John, 
 And I '11 wager that hardly a new boy has heard 
 That W. B. Cutting 's not really a Bird. 
 When kid fights occur, no one knows who got licked 
 Except the bystanders, and when I depict 
 Some uncommonly ludicrous study boy's joke. 
 Blank looks from the rest make me wish I 'd not 
 spoke. 
 
 So if, in the course of my present effusion. 
 In the minds of my hearers exists some confusion. 
 Just act like a subsidized laughing Committee, 
 For it really is quite irresistibly witty. 
 
 [ 87 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Columbus landed, as you know, 
 
 The 12th day of October; 
 And why this is the 21st 
 
 Demands reflection sober. 
 
 The truth is that the calendar 
 
 Had got so sadly mixed 
 That every century or two 
 
 It needed to be fixed. 
 
 Accordingly, astronomers 
 
 Looked up their X Y Z's 
 And found Columbus nine days wrong 
 
 When he sailed the stormy seas. 
 
 So think a moment and you '11 see 
 
 Why every loyal Yankee 
 Must add a week or so to make 
 
 The almanac less cranky. 
 
 By dint of this, the School is here 
 
 To celebrate its birth-day. 
 October 15th its true date. 
 
 The 21st its mirth-day. 
 
 The Madam went forth to the woods one day 
 With three little friends for a treat; 
 
 A picnic she thought was a merry idea. 
 With lots upon lots to eat. 
 
 Like little Miss Muffet they sat them down 
 On a tuffet of grass in the sun, 
 [ 88 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1892 
 
 When Dennie Hare gave a yell of despair. 
 And Alsop ^ started to run. 
 
 A wasp nest unseen they had landed upon, 
 With howls they lamented their fate, 
 
 But the Madam, unmoved mid the din and dismay. 
 Serenely she ate, and she ate. 
 
 The Reverend Mr. Atwood came 
 
 The week before last for a visit. 
 And seeing a friend with curly hair 
 
 Stopped not to enquire, "W^ho is it.'*" 
 
 But grasping surprised Mr. Gris wold's hand 
 
 Said he was delighted very 
 That the Rector had made him the Senior Prefect 
 
 (He thought all the time 't was Jerry). 
 
 So if Griswold,^ First B, wants to rise in the School 
 
 He must get his hair refrizzled. 
 And the next time Mr. Atwood comes 
 
 He '11 take him for Mr. Gris wold. 
 
 There 's a hole in the First Form B 
 
 For one we see no more. 
 Nor hear*the black mark's sharp report. 
 
 Nor " Stand out on the floor." 
 
 Jack Minturn was n't in it 
 
 In number of marks per minute. 
 Wat er bury ^ idle boy it was, 
 
 I wonder who could have been it. 
 [ 89 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 There 's great material hereabouts 
 For statesmen and for sages. 
 
 The politicians throng the School, 
 All sizes and all ages. 
 
 Harrison trembles on his throne 
 When he hears we 've got a Master 
 
 Six feet and five good inches high/ 
 And fears some dread disaster. 
 
 But no, the cheering news arrives 
 That all 's not lost at Groton, 
 
 He 's heard of Yours Respectably, 
 Young William Politics Wharton. 
 
 Flags and transparencies abound 
 
 At Democratic quarters. 
 Beside the Dormitory gate. 
 
 And terrible the slaughter. 
 
 The Democrats are big, 't is true. 
 Their arguments are telling ; 
 
 But they 're not in it when it comes 
 To kids to do the yelling. 
 
 Oh, Yankee Doodle came to town 
 
 On little Jerry's^ pony; 
 He soon dismounted when he saw 
 
 The face resolved and stony. 
 
 The clenched teeth, determined eye. 
 Of Mr. Gladwin coming. 
 [ 90 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1892 
 
 "Just ride my horse/' cried he, "a bit, 
 I think you '11 find him humming." 
 
 He mounted him — he rode a mile. 
 
 He said he was a treasure. 
 Now scarce he hobbles round the School 
 
 And does n't sit with pleasure. 
 
 We 're glad that poor Whiting ^ is with us again. 
 We fear he has suffered a great deal of pain. 
 A chronic complaint we have heard that he said. 
 But sixteen green apples — It 's well he 's not dead. 
 
 For apples aiiAJishes can hardly agree. 
 Especially apples when stolen from me. 
 We hope little Whiting won't do it again ; 
 I heard 't was sixteen — he acknowledges ten. 
 
 We 've got a menagerie here 
 Quite up to the second year. 
 We keep them in boot-boxes, lockers and such. 
 So the ladies need n't fear. 
 
 The circus goes on each day 
 When the beasts are let out to play. 
 The peanut-seller is Charlie Clark, 
 A ton is given away. 
 
 To begin with, we 've a Fox,*^ 
 He 's kept in the largest box 
 Because he 's the biggest new specimen. 
 And wears number fifteen socks. 
 [ 91 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 DeWolf ^ comes next to view, 
 A Pup ^ and a Cat ^^ or two, 
 A nice little Hawkinside ^^ the next, 
 And then comes the Phililoo.^^ 
 
 Within the strongest cage 
 A Boar ^^ is seen to rage : 
 A curious creature fat and slow. 
 The wonder of the age. 
 
 For when he 's rolled up snug 
 Some take him for a bug. 
 And yonder there is a grizzly bear,^^ 
 And the great round cushiony mug 
 
 Of a Bobo Bird ^^ is seen. 
 With a Brindlecow ^^ between ; 
 And a Balky Horse ^^ in a Salty Stall,^^ 
 And a Puff Bird — The Bouncer,^^ I mean. 
 
 Now if you '11 take a jump 
 To the cage behind the pump, 
 I '11 show you a sight to make hair stand on end. 
 And hearts begin to thump. 
 
 For a Pompadour Freak ^^ is there. 
 He splutters and gulps with despair; 
 But what strikes spectators the most of all 
 Is the horrible state of his hair. 
 
 And last, we will show you free, 
 If they will quiet be, 
 
 [92] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1892 
 
 A pair of kittens imported straight 
 From Cheshire beyond the sea. 
 
 Like love birds, side by side. 
 Demure and sanctified. 
 Their Cheshire grins subdued and sweet. 
 Their conduct cut and dried, 
 
 Behold the heavenly grins 
 Of that couple of cherubins ; 
 The unsurpassable, unapproached, 
 Unspeakable, Motley twins. 
 
 The audience who attend the show 
 Contains some names you ought to know. 
 That nobleman — observe his nose. 
 Descendant of the great Montrose.^^ 
 
 (Oh! by the way, three hours ago 
 
 Young Conneir^^ knocked — and wished to know 
 
 If 't was the proper caper now 
 
 When his name was called, to make a bow.) 
 
 Then Johnny Bones has come disguised 
 As Baron Play fair, different-sized. 
 And there 's a little creature who 
 'S called Billy Rogers,^^ number two. 
 
 And talking of this subject now 
 I 'm sure you all remember how 
 No poem ever could get on 
 Without some reference to John.^* 
 [ 93] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Alas! the peaceful John 's no more. 
 In Greek I fainted on the floor 
 To hear him lead in accents flowery 
 A chorus all about the Bowery. 
 
 And Moncure — ^^ Ah, poor! so sad to endure. 
 The curl of his hair has departed, sure, 
 
 And a curly nose 
 
 Is all he shows. 
 
 But every one knows 
 
 'T was football blows. 
 And I think he 's much to be commended 
 For the way his work this year was ended. 
 
 The music of this charming show 
 Is furnished by a piano. 
 Performed by Signor Scotti's^^ skill 
 'Neath leadership of Billy Will.^^ 
 
 While Sullivano ^^ and Herr Schmitt ^^ 
 Tweak fiddles till our ear-drums split. 
 And Migolini ^^ trills and warbles 
 Much like as when a turkey gobbles. 
 
 And to complete the Sixth's Sextet, 
 Jerry ^^ makes whine the flageolet. 
 And till one 's weary of one's life. 
 Most all the others play the fife. 
 
 But front seats ever at our festal ring 
 Shall occupy our old boys whom I sing. 
 
 [ 94 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1892 
 
 We 've followed you wherever you might be, 
 With hearts that missed you fellows terribly. 
 
 We 're glad old Bob 's ^^ left off one minute's rushing 
 On Harvard's end — we miss old Howdy Gushing. 
 We miss Zabriskie ^^ and the Chaunceys three, 
 The band of Potters and old George Rublee. 
 
 Some are in Europe, some are in life's race, 
 One Master sits not in his wonted place. 
 While two are taken from our earthly view. 
 And wait us there where we are travelling too. 
 
 Old Eli had a job for Corbin^* hard. 
 To join her Varsity and play right guard. 
 And though he must stop playing and is here 
 To help us start upon our School's new year. 
 
 Right guard is ably filled — the place still thrives. 
 They 've got their oarsman — Groton's own Bill Ives. 
 We hope that soon we all shall meet once more 
 When Scottie whacks St. Mark's like days of yore.^^ 
 
 And you, whom now we welcome back to Groton, 
 For whom our eight full years are unforgotten. 
 Who 've changed boy's innocence for strength of 
 
 men. 
 Once more to-night you 're boys with us again. 
 
 God bless our Country with content and peace. 
 And bless our Groton as its years increase. 
 
 [ 95 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Joseph Alsop. 
 
 ^ Le Grand C. Griswold. 
 
 ^ J, C. Water bury — temporary vacation. 
 
 * G. D. Gushing — an umquhile Democratic orator whose 
 speeches in Groton Town Hall produced a net loss for 
 his candidate {Cleveland) of Jive votes. 
 
 ^ Julian Gerard. 
 
 ^ W. Whiting — known as Fish. 
 
 "^ Austen Fox. 
 
 8 G. C. DeWolf. 
 
 ^ P. Whitney. 
 ^^ C. Thomson. 
 ^^ D. S. Hawkins. 
 12 W. B. Cutting, Jr. 
 1^ A. P. Baugh — sometimes pronounced Bug, sometimes 
 
 Boar. 
 1* Le G. C. Griswold. 
 ^^ A. R. Sargent. 
 16 C. E. BHnley. 
 1^ Hugh Auchincloss. 
 1^ /. L. Saltonstall. 
 
 19 C. B. Curtis. 
 
 20 A. Middleton. 
 
 21 C. M. Connell. 
 
 22 H. C. Converse. 
 
 23 W. B. Rogers of N. Y. 
 
 24 J. S. Rogers. 
 
 25 M. Robinson. 
 
 26 H. D. Scott. 
 
 27 C. H. Williams. 
 
 28 J. A. Sullivan. 
 
 [ 96 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 29 P. L. Smith. 
 
 30 F. G. Thomson— " Miggs." 
 
 31 S. K. Gerard, 
 
 32 K W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 33 G. Z. Gray. 
 
 34 W. R. Cross. 
 
 35 Thirty-four to ten. 
 
 [ 97 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1892 
 
 [Fragment] 
 
 Have you any idea 
 
 At the close of the year, 
 Of the fearful state of mind 
 
 Of Boston, New York and Philamadelph? 
 Nor to these is it all confined. 
 
 A raft of boys 
 
 For their Christmas joys 
 Is launched at these helpless cities. 
 
 Ah! poor New York! Poor Beans! Poor 
 Pork! 
 'T is really a thousand pities. 
 
 The Pilgrim's home 
 
 With its gilded dome 
 Pays penalty for its sins. 
 
 And terrible times are caused by the 
 crimes 
 Of the terrible Motley twins.^ 
 
 When the Cochrane pair ^ 
 
 Do take the air 
 For rest and repose from their labours. 
 
 Kid fights galore and plentiful gore 
 Raise havoc among the neighbours. 
 
 fLefC. 
 
 [ 99 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 An ominous sniff — of a sudden Miff 
 
 And Roguey ^ appear in sight. 
 That dreadful man 
 With his dreadful hound! 
 
 How the citizens take to flight! 
 
 And ah the girls! 
 
 With their golden curls; 
 What a state of continual flutter ! 
 
 When Ames * cuts a dash with his pussy 
 mustache 
 And smile that would hardly melt butter. 
 
 And the Adamses two/ 
 
 How the Avenue 
 Looks forth as the twain walk by! 
 
 For it 's heard the fame of the football game ^ 
 And dotes on a damaged eye. 
 
 While Roy Ball Baker parades the streets 
 No hayseed — that 's an error. 
 
 Quite the other way. 
 
 The good townsfolk say 
 Beware of the Bunco terror. 
 
 The Gray '^ boys' shrieks 
 
 For the couple of weeks 
 Make people with awe enquire, 
 
 "What to goodness is it.'' Great grief — 
 not a visit 
 We hope from the Groton Choir." 
 
 [ 100 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1892 
 
 But Bobo, ah, Bobo^ — a balm benign 
 From his much persuasive smile. 
 
 And his squint to see 
 
 If you 're onto he 
 Spreads peace for many a mile. 
 
 And dear old Jones ^ 
 
 With his rattling bones, 
 And Boblets ^^ and Rubynose,^^ 
 
 And Saltonstall and I don't know who all 
 To mar the old Hub's repose. 
 
 But I 'd better shut down. 
 
 For this tiny town 
 Don't merit such lengthy talk. 
 
 I would hear from you what the brethren do 
 When they swoop like a storm on New York. 
 
 'Tis time to change cars and the metre forthwith. 
 At Springfield drop Hawkins, at Worcester drop 
 Smith.i2 
 
 They '11 wake the old echoes, yet leave us enough 
 To teach the great city just who 's up to snuff. 
 
 The air has grown thick in the streets of New York. 
 
 Wherever you turn, flying fragments of talk 
 
 You must dodge, or they '11 batter your ears or your 
 
 head. 
 Great pieces of drool fill your spirit with dread. 
 And baskets of hat talk, the boldest will quell. 
 No dodging, no refuge, no mercy — it's Bell.^^ 
 
 [ 101 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Terror thrills through the breast of the bold million- 
 aire 
 When he sees bearing down on him fierce Dennie Hare, 
 With request for a gift of a thousand or two 
 For the Groton School Golf Club, to see the scheme 
 
 through. 
 Though the said millionaire will take comfort, I 'm 
 
 sure. 
 When approached for the Camp Fund by hustling 
 Moncure.^* 
 
 But New York welcomes back to the land of his birth 
 That learned and virtuous person of mirth. 
 And at last the true accent 's bestowed on each word 
 By the chirpy, the perky, the fat little Bird.^^ 
 
 But one of the choicest of all of these shows 
 
 Is Moncure as he smiles, and makes curtsies and bows 
 
 To his own lovely image beheld in a glass. 
 
 To see whether he in Fifth Avenue '11 pass. 
 
 The Garden of Madison Square 's enlarged. 
 Enormous admission I 'm told is charged 
 For to hear the sweet flute and Bull fiddle at play, 
 Paderewski Gerard ^® and the Spectre, Herr Gray." 
 
 They 're the chief drawing-card of the Christmas fair, 
 
 Being held to purchase a change of air 
 
 For poor Jack Adams, who 's going South 
 
 To study Deland,^^ and raise down on his mouth. 
 
 [ 102 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1892 
 
 The Burden ^^ brothers I 'd have you know 
 Are holding an auction of Wilmerding's ^^ Clo'. 
 At another table O' Roberts ^^ sells 
 His "Sayings and Doings of British Swells." 
 
 And Billy Hare *s simply on exhibition — 
 You'll agree he is worth the whole price of admission. 
 And Julian ^^ presides at a gay Christmas tree, 
 With birds, cats and dogs for his dormitoree. 
 
 Good poet, now 't is time to tune up higher. 
 
 And tell the flutter of Philadelphia. 
 This pretty rhyme I thought up all myself, yer 
 
 Must see it 's hard to rhyme with Philadelphia. 
 That somewhat sleepy city of the Quaker 
 At last has something that will really shake her. 
 When Baugh ^^ invades her, arm in arm with Rawle;^* 
 And Forbes ^^ appears at the Assembly ball. 
 With Scottie,^^ our own Scottie in the swim — 
 We know what Philadelphia thinks of him. 
 
 Then Brinley^*^ puts the citizens to flight; 
 
 A lovely Brindle cow he got last night, — 
 
 FromMigs'^^ and Julian's^^ Christmas tree his share, — 
 
 And now he leads it forth to take the air. 
 
 And sounds of merry-making wafted are 
 
 From yonder house in Merion ^^ afar. 
 
 Nay, Philadelphia, 'tis no sound appalling. 
 
 It 's nothing but the dear old Cat ^^ er wauling. 
 
 But time on my swift-flowing verse lays embargo. 
 Or I 'd tell of the terror brought home to Chicago 
 
 [ 103 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 When Pat ^^ landed there with his truculent mug, 
 And his fierce-looking two-twenty-five dollar Pug. 
 How the Hookers ^^ diversified Washington's gloom. 
 Since the recent elections as glum as the tomb. 
 Nor without tribute glowing I 'd ever pass o 'er 
 How Horatio Lorenzo ^^ impressed Baltimore. 
 But the savour of chocolate steals on the air. 
 And your poets withdraw to partake of their share. 
 With a right Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, 
 For the Homestead, our hosts, and for every one here. 
 
 Yes, Christmas is come. Merry Christmas once more, 
 With its message as new as in ages of yore, 
 Of gladness and peace by the seraphim sung. 
 That bright morning of old when the earth was still 
 
 young. 
 Of home and beloved ones gathered again. 
 Of Glory to God and of good will to men. 
 Each hearth shines in welcome, each door is thrown 
 
 wide. 
 Each hall decked with green for the merry Yule-tide. 
 
 For the holly and laurel no winter can kill. 
 No storm wind the glow of home love ever chill. 
 The people in darkness have seen a great light. 
 The Daystar has risen upon the world's night. 
 In Bethlehem's stable a King has been born, 
 Death's shadow is past and the darkness is gone. 
 For His sake, my boys, in the gladness of home. 
 Forget not the homeless to whom no joys come, 
 
 [ 104 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1892 
 
 For He, too, was lonely and friendless and poor; 
 What is done for the least is for Him, too, be sure. 
 And Christmas, old Christmas, bring numberless joys 
 To you now and always, my dearest old boys. 
 
 [ 105 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 J. L. and E. Motley. 
 
 2 F. D. and J. S. Cochrane. 
 
 3 G. H. Mifflin s pet dog. 
 * Lothrop Ames. 
 
 ^ J. and H. Adams. 
 6 Groion 10, St. Mark's 6. 
 '' E. and H. S. Gray. 
 ^ A. R. Sargent. 
 ^ H. C. Converse. 
 1*^ W. B. Emmons. 
 1^ A. L. Devens, Jr. 
 
 12 P. L. Smith. 
 
 13 B. F. Bell. 
 
 1^ M. Robinson. 
 
 15 W. B. Cutting, Jr. 
 
 16 S. K. Gerard. 
 1*^ A. R. Gray. 
 18 On Football. 
 
 i» /. T. and W. A. M. Burden. 
 2^ E. C. Wilmerding. 
 
 21 M. 0. Roberts. 
 
 22 J, M. Gerard. 
 
 23 A. P. Baugh. 
 
 24 /. A. Rawle. 
 
 25 F. M. Forbes. 
 
 26 H. D. Scott. 
 
 27 C. E. Brinley. 
 
 28 F. G. Thomson. 
 
 2^ The Thomsons country place. 
 3<* Clarke Thomson. 
 
 [ 106 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 3^ /. M. Patterson. 
 
 32 R. and H. S. Hooker. 
 
 33 H. L. WhUridge. 
 
 [ 107 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1893 
 
 OH, three times three has a merry sound, 
 And three times thrice we cheer 
 For the Homestead Hall where we gather round 
 This merry time of year. 
 
 For we are a three times three-year-old. 
 
 And the Muses numbered nine. 
 So to ask indulgence I '11 be bold. 
 
 For this little song of mine. 
 
 Old Hesiod, as you know, I see, — 
 
 I mean the older boys, — 
 Says the best Muse was Calliope, 
 
 Or the Muse of the beautiful voice. 
 
 So at this tenth glad festival, 
 
 I 'm sure you won't refuse 
 A three times three for the songs to-night 
 
 Of our tenth melodious Muse.^ 
 
 I feel a little like a man 
 
 At the end of a telephone. 
 Who carries on a half a talk. 
 
 All by his mournful lone. 
 
 For the oracle who provides replies 
 
 Is in Delphi or Dodona, 
 In Greece collecting fresh supplies. 
 
 And 's a mighty poor telephones 
 [ 109 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 So if my questions stay unsolved, 
 Unechoed my sweet trillings, 
 
 My rhymes unfinished — metre short, 
 You must write to Mr. Billings. 
 
 'T was hard, I admit, on the kids old and young 
 That our birthday went by and their deeds were un- 
 sung. 
 That I let such a good opportunity pass 
 To make famous the freaks of our entering class — 
 Why Miffy ^ and Chit ^ and those heavenly twins 
 For full ten days before were on needles and pins. 
 Lest I should be found to be not so severe. 
 As I was upon them in the poem last year. 
 And Miffy wrote home, "Send me Roguey * at once. 
 Tie his hair in pink ribbons, don't mind if he grunts, 
 I always am sad when the jokes fly about. 
 If Roguey, my Roguey, by chance be left out." 
 And the Motleys and Chittenden wrote to their pop- 
 pers, 
 "Don't mind jokes on us, they are all of them whop- 
 pers. 
 Just wait till you hear Mr. G. sit on Morse, 
 On Hadden and Peabody, Lord and of course 
 On Demi- John Rogers^ — and satire in torrents. 
 Poured out on the heads of three freaks all named 
 Lawrence." 
 
 "Oh quel est le nom 
 Of Monsieur du Pont.?" ^ 
 {Of a Bridge, it is translated) 
 [ 110 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1893 
 
 "Don't you think that Bridget 
 Would suit that midget?" 
 The seer I interrogated. 
 
 Oh, who, oh, who. 
 
 Has n't heard of Markoe,^ 
 And of his hypnotic trance heard? 
 
 Is it stomach-ache. 
 
 Or a piece of cake ? 
 But the question remains unanswered. 
 
 Does he talk to himself ' 
 
 In Philamadelph, 
 And take his friends out sleighing? 
 
 Does she go too. 
 
 Miss You-know-who — ' 
 
 But the oracle is n't saying. i 
 
 Polly Wharton ^ 
 
 Went from Groton 
 On a winter's day. 
 
 When Polly met his stern papa — \ 
 
 What did his parent say? ( 
 
 I never knew, \ 
 
 But black marks flew. 
 And Waterbury got one. 
 
 And even Minturn got a pair, 
 But pretty Polly not one. 
 
 If Fifth Form scraps 
 Should cause mishaps, 
 [ 111 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 When Walt ^ and the Cat ^^ get sassy. 
 Will Dennie ^^ just loft the two over the 
 fence. 
 Or drive them away with his brassey ? 
 
 While the rest of the cleek 
 
 Look niblick and meek, 
 Save Haughton,^^ who always is mashy; 
 
 Tommy ^^ putters around 
 
 The battle-ground. 
 With eyes glued on his volume trashy. 
 
 When Monny ^* returned from a lunch at the Hub, 
 Where a chef had provided most exquisite grub. 
 And dear Mrs. So-and-So, sweet Mrs. Blank, 
 Filled up all his time writing letters to thank. 
 He found a relation, long lost and long missed, 
 Whom at once with effusion he almost had kissed. 
 When the cousin exclaimed, *^^ Are you sure I 'm the 
 
 right one. 
 Was the cousin you meant the brunette or the light 
 
 oneV 
 "Are n't you Mrs. Charley.'*" Moncure asked in haste. 
 As he quickly withdrew his right arm from her waist. 
 "Oh, dear, no, I 'm only her cousin-in-law." 
 "Ah, then, I don't know you. Alas, what a bore!" 
 
 There was a little man, 
 And his name was Nigger Dan,^^ 
 Did he ever get those nice warm gloves, I wonder, 
 
 [ 112 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1893 
 
 When he wrote to tell his ma 
 How Jack Adams was a star, 
 And made St. Markers twice as mad as thunder? 
 
 He is captain of the seventh. 
 
 Of a team he 's one-eleventh. 
 And he 's quite a poet I would have you know too ; 
 
 Have you read his little jig. 
 
 On the cockatoo and nig? 
 If you praise it, he will coyly bid you "go to." 
 
 When grandpa ^^ roamed the prairies wild. 
 
 Untamed, untutored, savage child. 
 
 Some five and sixty years ago. 
 
 Ere he was caught — he was, you know, 
 
 A cow-puncher of no mean fame. 
 
 And Dunbar Ferdinand his name. 
 
 But now, alas! he 's grown so old. 
 
 He whispered once, "'T would be too bold 
 
 To ask the question, but I really 
 
 To be informed would love it dearly. 
 
 Oh, do you think 'twould be too rash — 
 
 The Rector, could he raise a m'stache?" 
 
 The oracle answers never a word. 
 
 So I 'm going to pack up a bag. 
 And send him for Christmas a lot of old junk 
 
 In my cast-off box marked Wag; 
 And if he will sort it and kindly send back 
 
 A careful explanation, 
 I '11 send him Will Shakespeare's statuette,^^ 
 
 To mark my appreciation. 
 [ 113 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And first I *11 put in at the top of the pouch 
 A thing never known of, — a Faculty grouch; 
 Then a pair of my shoes — I don't wear any more. 
 Silk stockings are quite good enough for a thaw. 
 George Clarke sends a clicking and flying machine,^^ 
 Sully Cochrane a mouse — they all think it real 
 
 mean 
 That they can't give a dance in the school-room at 
 
 night. 
 Mr. Griswold gives black marks and says it 's not right. 
 And Mr. Woods,^^ too, claims he's right in the 
 
 ptish; 
 "And he's blessed if he will," then exclaims Mr. 
 
 Cush; 
 We send him a hair out of Ching Lee's chin whisker. 
 He 's paid for his food and wants things passed round 
 
 brisker; 
 Then a fine suit of clothes such as Wilmerding 
 
 wears, 
 And one of his well-bred unparalleled airs ; 
 Then a pair of uncouth calisthenic commotions, 
 Which Burden performs with conflicting emotions. 
 With pantingsand puffings and squirmings and giggles, 
 A pair of his graceful renowned body-wiggles. 
 Then some good things to eat just to fill up the whole. 
 Soup a la St. Mark's, bringing joy to the soul. 
 With a couple of pies known as Ayrault ends over,^^ 
 A species of very delicious turnover. 
 Some cocoa and porter which Monny provides 
 For the afternoon teas o'er which Converse ^^ presides. 
 Where the Faculty gather and peacefully snore, 
 
 [ 114 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1893 
 
 While Jack Adams reads poems — which they think a 
 
 bore. 
 While a triplet of Willies sit trying to look good 
 
 hard, 
 Will Whitney, Will Williams and little Will Wood'ard. 
 For game — since the Bird^^ has become long and 
 
 scrawny, 
 A tender young Swan ^^ and a Dabchickney ^* brawny, 
 With a slice from the plump Bird o' Round Robin 
 
 Reddy,25 
 
 While Plawps rounds off the meal just to make it set 
 
 steady ; 
 And finally just as a sort of a hoax. 
 Two trifles, absurdities, couple of jokes. 
 To fill up the bag and to round it out well. 
 Put in Douglas Cochrane and fat Skippey Bell. 
 
 The blessed time once more is here. 
 
 The Christmastide has come. 
 The gladdest days of all the year. 
 
 The sacred days of home. 
 
 Forget not in your Christmas joys 
 
 That He the Lord of all 
 Was homeless when He came, my boys, 
 
 His bed the ox's stall. 
 
 Never before has rung so loud 
 
 Within our ears the cry 
 Of poverty and homelessness, 
 
 And want, with Christmas nigh. 
 [ 115 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Let us the message of good will 
 With these our brothers share, 
 
 So shall we follow in His steps 
 Who chose the manger bare. 
 
 [ 116 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Mrs. James Lawrence. 
 2 G. H. Mifflin. 
 ^ S. B. Chittenden. 
 
 4 Miffys Dog. 
 
 5 H. P. Rogers. 
 
 6 H. du Pont. 
 "^ H. Markoe. 
 
 « W. P. Wharton. 
 ^ W. L. Cutting. 
 ^^ Clarke Thomson. 
 
 11 D. M. Hare. 
 
 12 P. B. Haughton. 
 
 1^ Stuart Heintselman. 
 
 1* Moncure Robinson. 
 
 ^^ George Draper. 
 
 1^ D. F. Carpenter. 
 
 1*^ A bust of Shakespeare, the property of Mr. Billings, of 
 
 which he vainly tried to get rid in Europe, Asia and 
 
 America. 
 1^ A knee brace worn by Clarke. A precious tool for break- 
 
 i?ig up Evening School. 
 19 Mr. C. S. Griswold—"Push Face." 
 2® Responsible for the first touchdown in the Ten to Six 
 
 game. 
 
 21 Deadly revenge for the Rector s Sixth Form poetry even- 
 ings. 
 
 22 R. B. Cutting. 
 
 23 J. R, Swan. 
 
 2* George Dabney. 
 
 25 C. Preston — "Reddy." 
 
 [ 117] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1894 
 
 BEGINNING about twelve months ago. 
 We thought the time was here 
 To celebrate by a spree or so 
 The School's Decennial Year. 
 
 The Homestead Concert was the tenth 
 
 As stated at the time. 
 And Prize Day was spun out at length 
 
 When spring was at its prime. 
 
 And yet would one but calculate, 
 
 'T was not exactly right. 
 For, to be really accurate. 
 
 We 're just ten years to-night. 
 
 I pause for a minute to gather wind ; 
 
 My verse is always windy. 
 I need cast-iron lungs and a throat well tinned 
 
 To celebrate this shindy. 
 
 I fain would touch upon stories such 
 
 As are told about Nigger Dan,i 
 About Thorndike^ small, about Goddard^ tall. 
 
 Of Robeson,^ and Captain Mahan.^ 
 
 Of Bumham's® renown and Archie Brown, 
 Of Blagden and Bowditch's brothers ; 
 
 Of Moseley and Derby and Goodrich and Hare, 
 And dozens and dozens of others. 
 [ 119 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 From Demijohn's ^ whiskers to Mr. B's ^ beard. 
 And Billy Post's fine head of hair. 
 
 Some gags on Moncure are expected, I 'm sure. 
 He 's a joke in himself — look there. 
 
 To pour heaps of flattery on Mr. Slattery, 
 
 And the rest of the Faculty new, 
 Including the pair of our own old boys. 
 
 Is a thing I should like to do. 
 
 But I 've got to wait till another date, 
 
 For Christmas is drawing near. 
 And really, I 've got to save something to say 
 
 Of our Unidecennial Year. 
 
 Ten years is really a good long time 
 
 To have spent in vain endeavour. 
 To make boys learn section 127 ^ 
 
 And find that they do so never. 
 
 To keep on patiently trying to prove 
 
 To each new generation 
 That triangular methods must be employed 
 
 For a really good translation. 
 
 That will I is never the right thing to say. 
 That marks are but japes and vanity. 
 
 That to cancel or talk of changing signs 
 Is algebraic profanity. 
 
 I 've seen strange sights in these ten long years. 
 But I 'd give ten guineas sterling 
 [ 120 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1894 
 
 If some one would show me a stranger sight 
 Than Bobo ^^ when dressed for girHng. 
 
 His dainty mustache, his necktie flash. 
 
 Is quainter than anything going; 
 He 's a combination of turtledove 
 
 And elephant out a-beauing. 
 
 But his breakfast toilet surpasses far 
 The most exquisite London fashion; 
 
 A pair of pijamas with trimmings to match. 
 And a rather perfunctory wash on. 
 
 I 've seen fresh kids in these ten long years. 
 Even Craighead was fresh when he came; 
 
 Even Miffy was fresh and the Motley twins; 
 Berty Bell a bit fresh, some claim ; 
 
 And Coster ^^ was fresh, — or his collars were, — 
 Though they 've been a bit mauled since then. 
 
 Yes, I 've seen fresh kids in these ten long years. 
 But I could n't say honestly when 
 
 I've seen a kid so utterly free 
 
 From emban-assment in class. 
 As Here supply whom you 're thinking of. 
 
 The man with the cheek of brass. 
 
 » 
 I 've seen learned men these ten long years 
 
 As the Faculty larger grew, 
 
 And first or nexter, our learned Rector, 
 
 Of course I refer to the Br — ^^ 
 
 [ 121 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And one who in Music and Dutch and Greek 
 
 You '11 agree is a regular howler. 
 We wish though, alas! he were with us to-night. 
 
 Of course I refer to the Gr — ^^ 
 
 And one whose health is n't always good. 
 Who has often one foot in the grave. 
 
 But who comes up smiling at Faculty feasts, 
 Of course I refer to the Br — ■^'^ 
 
 And I 've heard it said as boys go to bed. 
 
 That discipline grows lax 
 When one is away — so the mice can play. 
 
 Of course I refer to M — ^^ 
 
 And one who can make the football go. 
 
 When he does n't Mr. Cush face. 
 And is training a youthful but hopeful mustache. 
 
 Of course I refer to P — ^^ 
 
 If Dennie Hare's shoes are no more use, 
 Let him carefully grease them with butter. 
 
 Put rubber soles on them to stop the squeak. 
 And present them to Mr. Nutter. 
 
 I 've heard strange tongues in these ten long years 
 From Dagos with monk' and banan' ; 
 
 But DeKoven can beat, with his accent so sweet. 
 The most talented hand-organ man. 
 
 But the sweetest thing in languages 
 Is the French from across the pond 
 [ 122 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1894 
 
 Jack Stedman uses when reading aloud 
 Those love tales of which he 's so fond. 
 
 I 've heard of queer food in these ten long years, 
 
 But I must expostulate 
 With Delancey Jay, who partakes, they say. 
 
 Each day of a heaped-up plate 
 
 Of the food delicious which I 'd supposed 
 
 Fifth Formers alone digested. 
 Put up by Mellin, that sport who so 
 
 In baseball is interested. ^'^ 
 
 I 've seen queer flowers these ten long years. 
 But for countenance round and merry. 
 
 The human sunflower takes the cake, — 
 Mr. Chadwick christened Gerry. 
 
 I 've heard of dark deeds in these ten long years. 
 
 Of masters base and cruel. 
 Of black marks, detention, and squibs to write out. 
 
 Of diets of toast and gruel ; 
 
 But Connell avers that the crudest thing 
 
 Is the way Mr. Gushing acts. 
 " You 're an unjust man just because you 're tall," 
 
 Is his view of the brutal facts. 
 
 I 've seen queer football these ten long years. 
 
 But the queerest kinds of trick 
 Are those entitled Kill Barret, ^^ Paw Cross,^^ 
 
 Hustle Bobo, Push Cush, Tickle Dick.^o 
 [ 123 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And one of the funniest football games 
 
 May be witnessed in study hall, 
 Five masters^ ten graduates, twenty-five boys. 
 
 Kicking rocks hidden in an old ball. 
 
 I 've heard queer noises these ten long years, 
 
 But hark to my gruesome story 
 Of the horrid sounds that proceed each night 
 
 From the downstairs dormitory. 
 
 A scuffle, a fight, when out goes the light; 
 
 A struggle, a tussle, a murder; 
 'Tis only the efforts for order at night 
 
 Of the ever watchful Schroeder. 
 
 Or stay, it 's not that, it 's a Motley twin 
 
 Overhead who has lately slain 
 Jim Barney, who tried to play policeman. 
 
 And never will try it again. 
 
 I 've seen freaks of nature in these ten years. 
 
 And several pairs of twins. 
 But for wondrous resemblance commend me to 
 
 The exactly identical grins. 
 
 And exactly identical tufts of hair. 
 Which adorn young Krumbhaar's face 
 
 And Stanton Whitney's, as well as the nose 
 And other ideals of grace. 
 
 I 've heard strange tales in these ten long years. 
 But much the queerest yarn 
 
 [ 124 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1894 
 
 Is the tale of the wonderful laughing horse 
 In Waterbury's barn. 
 
 He shrugs his shoulders, this marvellous beast, 
 
 And winks with his left-hand ear. 
 And bucks with his back, but it 's when he sights 
 Jack, 
 
 So perhaps it 's not quite so queer. 
 
 I 've seen dear ladies these ten long years, 
 
 But the lonely condition of Adam 
 Before Eve was born was n't more forlorn 
 
 Than Groton without the Madam.^^ 
 
 I 've had sad partings these ten long years — 
 Old boys, you don't know you 're missed; 
 
 But one of the hardest of all has been 
 The one that stands last on the list. 
 
 It may seem strange to see such a change. 
 
 But St. Mark's for once has gained 
 At Groton' s expense, and regret immense 
 
 The prize they have lately obtained. 
 
 So good luck to St. Mark's in her new career, 
 
 To her Master and Mistress new.^^ 
 Though we '11 still be happy to wipe up the ground 
 
 With her teams as we always do. 
 
 I 've seen kids come in these ten long years, 
 And I 've seen men go as well, 
 
 [ 125 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 There's been much of laughter and little of tears 
 In the story they have to tell. 
 
 I 've seen them grow and I 've seen them go 
 
 To be captains of football or crew ; 
 To win renown and the athlete's crown 
 
 As wearers of crimson or blue. 
 
 Bill Ives learned to row on our river, you know; 
 
 Bob Emmons here made his first rush ; 
 Pere Corbin's^^ first crew was a Squannacook two; 
 
 Here Scottie St. Mark's did crush. 
 
 I 've seen them go forth East and West, South and 
 North, 
 
 To college and business and life. 
 One graduate bold — how it makes me feel old — 
 
 Has even selected a wife.^* 
 
 And Groton remembers her four dear sons, 
 
 First fruits of her early love ; 
 Her morning stars, who were called to shine 
 
 So soon in the world above. 
 
 Ah ! ten long years of unnumbered joys 
 
 Scarce dimmed by an hour of pain. 
 Your memory bright cheers my heart to-night 
 
 As I think of it all again. 
 
 [ 126 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ G. Draper. 
 
 ^ J. L. Thorndike. 
 
 3 K H. I. Goddard. 
 
 ^ A. R. Sargent, 
 
 5 L. E. Mahan. 
 
 ^ W. A. Burnham. 
 
 ^ H. P. Rogers. 
 
 ^ Grown in the Andaman Islands. 
 
 ® Irregular verbs. 
 
 ^ A. R. Sargent] 
 
 ^ E. C. Wilmerding. 
 
 ^ The Bru — Mr. Billings. 
 
 ^ Growler — Mr. Higley. 
 
 * Brave — Mr. Ayrault. 
 
 ^ Max — Mr. Gladwin. 
 
 ^ Pushface — Mr. Griswold. 
 
 ^ A champion nine to which the famous food company 
 
 sent caps as an advertisement. 
 ^ Cecil Barret. 
 » W. R. Cross. 
 
 20 R. Wheatland. 
 
 21 Sabbatical year for Rector and family. 
 
 22 Reverend W. G. Thayer became Head Master of St. 
 Mark's in 1894-. 
 
 23 W. R. Cross. 
 
 24 H. A. Parker. 
 
 [ 127 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 1895 
 
 WE'VE reached a rev' rend age^my brethren dear, 
 Whom once again I welcome round me here; 
 The number most important under heaven 
 In all our thoughts — a mighty fine eleven. 
 
 An omen — 't is a number you must know. 
 Whose fame as far as Southboro shall go, 
 
 And strike with dark foreboding on their ears — 
 Beware the Infant of eleven years. 
 
 The Rector and the Madam have come back. 
 And Mr. Woods's laugh no more we lack; 
 
 While Mr. Higley looks — I won't say weird. 
 But somewhat foreign in his flowing beard. 
 
 The Madam has brought home a cuckoo clock 
 To drown the voices of her infant flock. 
 
 Who fill the halls with music all the day. 
 With Malcolm at the head in fierce array. 
 
 This mighty warrior and valiant man 
 
 In free fight lately knocked out Sullivan. 
 
 I do not mean John L. — Oh, no, Oh my, no ! 
 I mean that greater pugilist, SuUino.^ 
 
 The graduates we are glad to see 
 
 Can — some of them — still come here. 
 
 Though they 're getting engaged at a fearful rate — 
 Five or six in a single year. 
 [ 129 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And talking of this when the Fourth Form read 
 
 Of the French young man who sat 
 With the hand of his girl from eight to twelve, 
 
 Jack Stedman exclaimed at that, 
 
 With exactness and promptness that well displayed 
 
 His great mathematical powers. 
 As well as his knowledge of lovers' ways, 
 
 " Eight to twelve ! Great Scott ! — Four hours ! " 
 
 Oh, habeo tu video 
 
 The famous Groton School, 
 The subject for the poet 
 
 Of this, his annual drool. 
 
 Oh, habeo tu video. 
 
 The Flitlets ^ saith — saith he ; 
 Or esse quam videri,^ 
 
 What is there here to see ? 
 
 I '11 take you for a stroll about 
 As if you were some mother. 
 
 Or new arrival being shown 
 The sights by his big brother. 
 
 I '11 take you round as Mr. Sedg- 
 
 Wick took in Mr. Cutting.* 
 Or Dibblee arm in arm with our 
 
 New Master, Mr. Nutting.^ 
 
 There is a little Club-room, 
 One of the studies blue, 
 [ 130 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1895 
 
 And if you 'd like to come along 
 I '11 take a glimpse with you 
 
 Of what goes on there every night 
 
 When I stick in my head, 
 To see if everything is safe^ 
 
 When boys are sent to bed. 
 
 There Jimmy Haha ® gathers round 
 His knees his Fifth Form chickens, 
 
 And reads the House of Gables Seven, 
 And other works of Dickens.'^ 
 
 I see fat Whitney ^ fresh and clean 
 
 From numerous ablutions. 
 And Davis ® resting of his voice 
 
 From wondrous evolutions 
 
 Performed in trying hard to reach 
 
 The goal to which aspire 
 Those Prima Donnas unrenowned 
 
 Who 've failed to make the Choir. 
 
 I next behold a Pepin Bird ^^ 
 
 Of plumage rich and rare. 
 They do say 't was a Hoptoad once, 
 
 Then grew a head of hair. 
 
 Then two thick legs — a pair of wings - 
 
 Because he was so good, 
 A grouch ^^ so sweet, then all complete 
 
 Forth to the world he stood. 
 [ 131 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Then resting from some wrestling bout 
 
 Behold that pair of ponies, 
 George Clarke and red-faced Lobster-Pot,^^ 
 
 Called Venus and Adonis. 
 
 A huntsman bold is spinning yarns. 
 
 Fish stories fit to stun one. 
 And of the bear who chased him and 
 
 Most gobbled our poor Bunyan.^^ 
 
 I bid good-night — ah, tristful sight ! 
 
 You 'd think it would have killed her; 
 I see the separation scene 
 
 Of Wotan 1* and Brunnhilde.i^ 
 
 The lady tall, the other small 
 
 But very muscular man. 
 Her first name I am told is Liz, 
 
 His last namie is Mahan. 
 
 How silent it is in the house these days 
 When the boys have gone to bed. 
 
 No sounds are heard from the sleeping-place 
 As there used to be overhead. 
 
 For the Upper Sixth ^^ has gone afar 
 
 And taken the noise away 
 Which used to fill Mr. Griswold's room — 
 
 Such a charming place to play. 
 
 The truth was the Chicken made such a stir 
 With the marvellous exercise 
 [ 132 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1895 
 
 He went through every single night 
 To keep down his abnormal size; 
 
 And the clarinet and the twangolet. 
 
 The fiddle and cornet and flute. 
 Made it rather hard for the kids to sleep. 
 
 So to settle the whole dispute 
 
 The orchestra simply has removed 
 
 To a separate building now. 
 With the Upper Sixth to their Country Club,*"^ 
 
 And there they can make their row. 
 
 There Puffy ^^ can snore, and Bell ^^ can jaw. 
 And Vance ^^ can explain to the Onion, 
 
 As he did to the lady at dinner, how he 
 Is Head Editor of the Grotonian. 
 
 While the orchestra fools with his ^^ science tools 
 
 And warbles a roundelay. 
 For we all agree he is unexcelled 
 
 In all species of Push play. 
 
 And once a week, the ignoble brute,^^ 
 
 Alone in his glory there. 
 Trots out a new tune on his dulcet flute 
 
 And gets a new cut to his hair. 
 
 I '11 take you to the dining-room — 
 
 There smiling neat and fair 
 Sits Coster ^^; I but gaze at him. 
 
 He wiggles in his chair. 
 [ 133 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I wag my baldness up and down, 
 
 I never say a thing. 
 I merely stare with haughty frown 
 
 Upon his diamond ring. 
 
 He 's since confided to his friends. 
 
 He wished I 'd stay away 
 From meals, I make him laugh so much. 
 
 In my engaging way. 
 
 He wants to get his courage up 
 
 To face the awful bag 
 He punches fiercely once a day. 
 
 And cannot face a wag. 
 
 The triangle has lost its charm- 
 Since I have brought him woe. 
 
 He roams round shouting Xvojjuixl 
 Korip^ofiai — to go. 
 
 Alas, I fear it is no cinch 
 
 To sit at meals with me. 
 And circulate the butter plate — 
 
 Ask Shruby ^^ — he '11 agree. 
 
 For when upon his elbow down 
 
 He leans his weary head. 
 If I my tumbler stir, with fear 
 
 His very nose turns red. 
 
 And if I Birckhead should address, 
 With fear he 's well-nigh kilt, 
 [ 134 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1895 
 
 Lest I forget the rev'rence due 
 To a friend of Vanderbilt. 
 
 He has the quaintest way, you know. 
 
 Whenever he is mocked — 
 He in confusion hides his nose 
 
 To show that he is shocked. 
 
 I next proceed to see the kids 
 
 So sportive and so merry. 
 I pause and watch the gambolUngs 
 
 Of Burnham and of Gerry,^* 
 
 Of Morin Hare and Eugene Thayer, 
 
 Moseley and Howard Gary, 
 And pass on to the noisy throng — 
 
 The new kids fresh and airy. 
 
 At my approach I see a youth. 
 
 And note a gentle Breese,^^ 
 As he remarks with haughtiness 
 
 And manner quite at ease, 
 
 " I 've asked for curiosity, 
 
 But nobody will say. 
 Pray, who is Peter Higginson? 
 
 What is he anyway.^" 
 
 They 're nearly all editions small 
 Of well-known elder brothers, 
 
 Krumbhaar and Derby, Bradley, Brown, 
 And hosts and hosts of others. 
 
 [ 185 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 There's Brick Top/^ brother of the Black; 
 
 Then come two Httle Rooks,^'^ 
 And nearer than a brother e'en 
 
 A brother-in-laWj named Brooks.^^ 
 
 And last to come, although not least. 
 There 's Herman's little brother. ^^ 
 
 Another Davis — can it be ? ^^ 
 Exists there such another? 
 
 And is n't there among them one 
 
 Called Willie Mannikin? 
 If I am wrong you'll set me Wright ^^ — 
 
 To tease him were a sin. 
 
 I pass the bath-room by, and hear 
 
 A fearful slippery splash, 
 'T is Randolph,^^ who first soaps his tub. 
 
 Then makes the awful dash. 
 
 I pass by Mr. Edward's ^^ door, 
 
 And hear the merry laughs 
 Caused by the compliments received 
 
 But lately on his calfs. 
 
 I pass the bed of Percy White, 
 That flower unknown to fame. 
 
 For in my poems till to-night 
 No one has heard his name. 
 
 I just thrust in my head to see 
 If Mr Ayrault's got 
 [ 136 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1895 
 
 Suggestions for the Varsity, 
 And in my note-book jot. 
 
 For on my word, I think he 's right 
 In what he says of Haughton, 
 
 If Harvard needs a quarter-back 
 They want a man from Groton. 
 
 I find him trying on a pair 
 
 Of bloomers for his bike. 
 He tells me people think him some 
 
 New Woman or the like. 
 
 I stop at Mr. Sedgwick's room. 
 
 He 's trying on, I find. 
 The nose protector — special make 
 
 He 's recently designed. 
 
 How sweet he looks to-night — a wreath 
 
 Twined in his raven locks, 
 His trouser legs turned up to show 
 
 His lovely crimson socks. 
 
 I next go by the sewing-room 
 
 Where Sawyer ^* 's rubbing spots out 
 
 With a prescription he has got 
 For taking stains and blots out. 
 
 It 's kept on tap not far away 
 
 In the Infirm'ry closet. 
 Pneumonia — excellent, he says. 
 
 And now we know what was it. 
 [ 137 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I pass the kitchen door^ and see 
 
 Reposing in a dish. 
 With Mr. BilHngs bending o'er, 
 
 A week-from-Friday's fish. 
 
 Let 's ask him ere this ball is o'er 
 
 To give us all a chance 
 To see him execute for us 
 
 His famous song and dance.^^ 
 
 I cross the grounds 'mid storm and wind 
 And tweakling, twickling wain, 
 
 Twackling on wetched woad and woof, 
 I wun with might and main.^^ 
 
 Exhausted by this awful job 
 
 I then retired to bed. 
 And so no doubt you 'd like to do. 
 
 You must be nearly dead 
 
 Of this performance, so good-night, 
 I 've made my best endeavour. 
 
 Happy returns of this great date, 
 God bless the School forever. 
 
 [ 138 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Sullivan Cochrane. 
 
 2 E. N. Potter. 
 
 ^ Motto on stained-glass window in Brooks House. 
 
 * W. B. Cutting, Jr. 
 
 ^ C. R. Nutter — 6y no means new. 
 
 ^ James Lawrence, Jr. 
 
 ^ As he asserts. 
 
 ^ Stanton Whitney. 
 
 ^ J. Bancroft Davis — author of the Quantitative Ideal 
 
 of Choir Singing. 
 
 W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 
 
 '^Monkey-wrench face. 
 
 E. N. Potter. 
 Hugh Auchincloss. 
 L. E. Mahan. 
 
 F. Gordon Brow?i — "Lizzie." 
 W. A. M. Burden — the Chicken or Onion. 
 Upstairs in Brooks House. 
 
 8 C. B. Curtis. 
 
 9 B. F. Bell. 
 
 20 J. M. McCormick. 
 
 21 i. e. Mr. Pushface Griswold. 
 
 22 E. C. Wilmerding. 
 
 ?^ A. L. Devens, Jr. "Circulatory'' system started for his 
 benefit. Water in the sleeve if he leaned on his elbow. 
 
 2* E. G. Chadwick. 
 
 2^ Sidney Breese. 
 
 26 W. P., brother of C. Blagden. 
 
 2"^ L. and K. Rainsford. 
 
 2^ G. Brooks — brother-in-law of R. W. Emmons, 2nd. 
 
 2^ E. B. Krumbhaar. 
 
 [ 139 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^^ Steuart Davis. 
 
 31 W. M. Wright. 
 
 32 A. B. Randolph. 
 
 33 Mr. E. Sturgis. 
 3* A. W. Sawyer. 
 
 35 Promised by the Rector and Mr. B. in case of a St. 
 
 Mark's victory. 
 3^ H. P. Rogers, loquitur. 
 
 [ 140 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1895 
 
 [Fragment] 
 
 The Masters are popular in School and out. 
 
 But sometimes it 's very grotesque. 
 The rivalry seen in the school-room about 
 
 The seat that is nearest the desk. 
 Some fellows are plain in their pref rence and blunt. 
 
 Though of chairs round about there 's a host. 
 They yearn for their turn in the one that 's in front, 
 
 Guy Gary first has it, then Post. 
 
 By the way, though, while we are a-speaking of Bill, 
 
 They tell of a very good gag. 
 With what do you s'pose that he saw fit to fill 
 
 His alpaca dirty clothes bag.^ 
 Bill 's always a- thinking of books, he is — or 
 
 Of music, his fiddles and lutes. 
 He 'd not an idea what a clothes bag was for. 
 
 And so the lad filled it with boots. 
 
 A fearful decree goes forth 
 
 As the winds 'gin to scream from the north. 
 
 The children must not go out 
 
 Head covering thick without. 
 
 I rush for my warm fur hat. 
 And wonder where it can be at. 
 The Peabody ladies wear flower pots red 
 Turned upside down on each comely head. 
 [ 141 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Flits ^ puts on a derby, 
 
 And Derby ^ wears a Potter, 
 And Whitney ^ fat gets a little straw hat, 
 
 And Bobo * a muff of otter, 
 
 And sends a telegram to town 
 
 To summon his private tailor 
 To make him a bonnet with ribbons on it, 
 
 Or a sweet Uttle thing a la sailor. 
 
 PufF^ wears a knitted stocking, 
 
 And the sight is really shocking. 
 To witness Pat ^ in a Nestle' s Food hat, 
 
 And other sights worthy of mocking. 
 
 There once was a Captain of brave renown 
 
 At skating, ice polo, and hawky, 
 He got up a squad with Commodore Pot,*^ 
 
 And Slino ^ and Emmons ^ and Bawky.^*^ 
 
 He played so hard that a pain in his back — 
 
 Just consequence of his polo — 
 Crept up to his voice till it made it crack,^^ 
 
 So he had to abandon his solo. 
 
 But Tiddledywinks ^^ stepped into the breach 
 
 Instead of the voice thus rusted. 
 And sang in the place of that skater brave, 
 
 And the hawky team since has busted. 
 
 The Prefects through the dining-hall are scat- 
 tered. 
 The other fellows sitting in their places 
 [ 142 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1895 
 
 In their turn now make Mrs. P. feel flattered 
 By challenges to croquette-eating races. 
 
 While Grandpa ^^ looks so cunning in his specs, 
 And eats until you really thinks he 's strangling; 
 
 While in the air not reaching to the ground 
 His jolly little legs are seen a-dangling. 
 
 It gave me joy the other day 
 To hear a lady say. 
 That the cunningest sight in the wide, wide world 
 Was to see the lambs at play. 
 
 But the lambyest kids in the wide, wide world 
 
 That ever the lady had seen. 
 Were Burnham, the Guinea Pig,^* frisking about 
 
 And with him our honey Eugene. ^^ 
 
 If you want to know the history 
 Of any Hebrew mystery 
 
 Connected with Jerusalem of old. 
 Apply to Mr. Simmy one.^^ 
 He offers to tell any one 
 
 Whate'er in that connection 's to be told. 
 
 In the lavatory splashing, 
 The golden shekels flashing. 
 
 He was caught when very busy t'other night, 
 A-washing and a-rubbing, 
 A-polishing and scrubbing. 
 
 To keep de monna beautiful and bright. 
 [ 143 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Timmy Mahan,^"^ 
 
 The big fat man. 
 With hair in a quaint style of taste. 
 
 Is taking a course 
 
 To increase his force 
 And diminish the girth of his waist. 
 
 Each day in the Gym 
 
 You may witness Tim 
 In calisthenic contortions; 
 
 He squirms and smiles 
 
 In all manner of styles 
 With wiggles of awful proportions. 
 
 My reverend friend 
 
 Must really amend 
 His habits of stealing and picking. 
 
 He ate the chops 
 
 And the lolly-pops 
 Intended for Bill the Chicken. ^^ 
 
 He hoped perhaps 
 
 That these tender scraps 
 Might make him grow tall and stout. 
 
 But he 's got a long way 
 
 To travel, they say. 
 Before he can work that out. 
 
 Though Burden and Burnham, 
 The two big Bills, 
 
 Got mixed up the other day, 
 [ 144 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1895 
 
 And wore each other's shirts and pants 
 In a highly becoming way. 
 
 We 've got a skilled Practeeshoner 
 
 From Europe lately back, 
 Woden/9 the Mouse, F. R. C. S.— 
 
 He 's something of a quack. 
 
 For Demijohn ^^ with a painful pain 
 
 Besought him the other night 
 For a little relief, but imagine his grief 
 
 When the medicine made him tight. 
 
 At least, so he said, for all night long 
 He said he 'd Deliwium tweemens. 
 
 And howid convulsions and ghosts and things 
 That wavaged and wacked his dweamings. 
 
 And talking of dreams and midnight fancies — 
 Have you heard of Jimmy Jackson, 
 
 His charming every-night romances 
 When candy brings attacks on? 
 
 Each night he 's wedded to some fair 
 
 And exquisite new charmer. 
 Next morn he 's clean forgot her name, 
 
 And she 's returned to marmer. 
 
 The English Department of Groton School 
 Has started a Shakespeare revival. 
 
 Macbeth is expounded by Wharton or Swan, 
 Or some other shag-haired rival. 
 [ 145 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Alarms and excursions — a rumble of drums, 
 
 Oh, horror! horror! horror! 
 Enter Bergquist ^^ white in a gown of night, 
 
 And blacks the boots for the morrer. 
 
 I sit at table between a pair — 
 
 I 'm white, they 're black ^^ and red.^^ 
 
 Though one is so dark and the other so fair, 
 'T is singular, but 't is said 
 
 That the dark one bathes ev'ry morn, noon and eve 
 
 No matter how most of us shiver; 
 And when the tubs at the School give out 
 
 He goes down and bathes in the river. 
 
 While the ruby one swallows a mouthful or two 
 
 On an average twice in a fall. 
 And thus works a combine on brushing the teeth 
 
 And bathing and washing and all. 
 
 I should like to recommend 
 
 The invention of a friend, 
 'Tis as simple as is eating bread and butter: 
 
 A reform in underwear. 
 
 All in one piece, made with care. 
 And worn by Truly yours, C. Reinhardt Nutter. 
 
 You must get in from behind 
 If the opening you can find. 
 And Mr. Sedgwick then will lace you up. 
 
 [ 146 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1895 
 
 He keeps them now in stock — he 's 
 Got caps, old books, and hockeys 
 On sale at his new mission'ry Coop. 
 
 He '11 let you skates they tell us 
 
 Cheaper than other sellers — 
 They cost about ten cents a day or so; 
 
 And he has another line, too, 
 
 If such you do incline to. 
 Of handkerchiefs at half a dime a blow. 
 
 The melodies entrancing. 
 
 And the jolly coon's romancing. 
 We heard from a young lady t' other day. 
 
 They seemed to set on fire 
 
 And the inmost heart inspire 
 Of Farrington when he began to play. 
 
 His expression was ecstatic. 
 
 His pose was most dramatic. 
 It seemed as though his very soul was stirred. 
 
 And Mr. Ayrault, frantic. 
 
 At lyrics so romantic. 
 Waved his handkerchief at every second word. 
 
 The year is ending, bleak and cold the sky; 
 
 Brief sunshine, then the death of shortening day. 
 Nature is sleeping, on the fair plains lie 
 
 December's snows, the world is old and gray. 
 
 December, saddest of the months and drear, 
 Icy and heartless, cruel and forlorn; 
 [ 147 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Gloomiest, darkest month of all the year. 
 Old age of time, symbol of life outworn. 
 
 Yet midst its gloom and darkness, lo, a light 
 Streaming in radiance over earth and sky. 
 
 Lo! songs of angels through the weary night, 
 Rejoice! Rejoice! Emanuel is nigh. 
 
 Oh, Light of Bethlehem, Thy beams divine. 
 Have turned December's darkness into day. 
 
 Month of all months wherein the tapers shine 
 And halls are decked with holly and with bay. 
 
 The Yule log crackles louder than the storm. 
 
 Kind deeds through v^dnter's gloom their light have 
 flung. 
 Though all without be frozen — hearts are warm, 
 
 The world be old, yet hope forever young. 
 
 And home, most blessed place in all the earth, 
 Made holier by the light of Christmas joys. 
 
 Yet no home smiled for His most holy Birth, 
 The homeless are His nearest ones, my boys. 
 
 Forget not them 'mid mirth of Christmastide, 
 Forget not them when all is glad and jolly; 
 
 And so farewell, a merry time be yours. 
 And cakes and ale and mistletoe and holly. 
 
 [ 148 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 E. N. Potter. 
 
 ^ Richard Derby. 
 
 ^ Stanton Whitney. 
 
 ^ A. R. Sargent. 
 
 5 C. B. Curtis. 
 
 ^ J. M. Patterson. 
 
 ■^ E. N. Potter. 
 
 ^ S. Cochrane. 
 
 ^ W, B. Emmons. 
 ^^ Hugh Auchincloss. 
 ^^ D. S. Haivkins. 
 ^^ Edivard Gray, Jr. 
 ^^ D. F. Carpenter. 
 ^* W. A. Burnham. 
 
 15 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. — "Honey No Nose." 
 i« S. B. Chittenden. 
 1^ L. E. Mahan. 
 
 18 W. A. M. Burden. 
 
 19 Dr. A. H. Woods. 
 
 20 H. P. Rogers. 
 E. Bergquist — Janitor. 
 C. Blagden. 
 A. L. Devens, Jr. 
 
 [ 149 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1896 
 
 TIS the voice of the poet, I heard him declare, 
 'Tis October 13th^ and I 'm still in despair. 
 For, look you, two days, and the guests have been 
 
 bidden 
 To hark to a poem that is n't yet written. 
 Our years are advancing, our birthdays a dozen, 
 'Tis time the old laureate shut off his buzzin'. 
 For speech it is silver, the proverb folks say. 
 And silence is golden, and gold wins to-day.^ 
 
 But speech may be golden at times, I suppose. 
 
 Provided it only be written in prose. 
 
 When Groton's Boy Orator ^ squashes out flat 
 
 The other Boy Orator called " Of the Platte" 
 
 (Better known as Boy Orator talking through "hat"). 
 
 So I sharpened my pencil, and parted my hair — 
 
 My pencil! Two dozens I used in despair. 
 
 Then sought round my class for a few dozens more 
 
 That of late tried my nerves so when dropped on the 
 
 floor. 
 But though my poor brains had been cudgelled about. 
 No rhymes would appear, and the pencils gave out. 
 For Wells ^ had exhausted the total supply 
 In making curl papers — the School had run dry. 
 I turned in my anguish to Prefects and kids 
 To get an assortment of jokes and of squibs; 
 But to give one another away they seemed loath. 
 To reveal not a word they had taken an oath. 
 
 [ 151 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Frank Alsop declared with the tears in his eyes 
 That Chadwick had grown to such corpulent size 
 That he very much feared he would lick him if he 
 Should reveal Master Gerry's dark secret to me. 
 While Mr. Woods said he 'd a squib full of wit^ 
 But that Black Dicky Derby would give him a fit. 
 Jimmy Jackson was full of great jokes on the twins. 
 But the Motleys had threatened to tell Jimmy's sins. 
 Liph * told me to go to his brother and ask — 
 "He's a terrible gabbler, 't will be no hard task 
 To pump him;" but he would ne'er pardon me if 
 I revealed what young Fuller revealed about Liph. 
 Now, what is a poet to do in such case.^ 
 My hearers, — just put yourselves into my place. 
 If you fellows won't give one another away. 
 What on earth is there left for your poet to say.'' 
 There was one resource more, and I thought I 'd try it 
 To supply the material, furnish the wit, 
 And right to my hand was a hint I had got 
 From a Bird of the Sixth so well known for his 
 
 p — figure.^ 
 "A little bird told me," we hear people say. 
 The Pippin Bird said, — and himself gave away, — 
 If the fellows won't tell, ask their sisters ; they will. 
 "I learned from his sister," thus quoth little Bill. 
 So here 's the result of my painful research. 
 When the boys thus had left the poor bard in the 
 
 lurch, 
 I called on a sister, an aunt, or a cousin, 
 And give of the facts that I heard half a dozen. 
 
 [ 152 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1896 
 
 They tell me that Goodwin ® 
 Is Jack Waterbury's twin; 
 That Bigelow and Moseley 
 Get on together cosily. 
 
 That a new boy you have met 
 Is named Charlie T. Brunette.' 
 That Hoya ^ says that Bryan 
 Says McKinley men are lyin. 
 
 That Jack Stedman wants to know 
 If he 's cut out for a beau.^ 
 Is his dressing really neat.^ 
 For he 's going girls to meet. 
 
 And he 's filled with some dismay — 
 Do please tell him what to say. 
 And that Grizzy ^ people begs 
 To admire his pretty legs. 
 
 And Drexel Paul they say 
 Has a taste for the ballet. 
 While Nat Emmons wants to know 
 Where's his brother's cupolo.? 
 
 That MifFy ^^ sees sea snakes 
 
 If of root beer he partakes. 
 
 And that Hutchy ^^ 's quite sure of it 
 
 He in London saw the prophet 
 
 Which the famous Sargent painted. 
 And which we, who are acquainted 
 [ 153 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 With the Boston Lib'ry's halls. 
 Always thought adorned its walls. 
 
 "Well/' says he, "you won't dispute 
 It 's a handsome London suit. 
 Fifteen dollars, greenish buff. 
 And I tell you it 's good stuff." 
 
 They will tell you of the three 
 Tall and tough as a pine tree. 
 Lean and lengthy, long and gawky, — 
 Ivy,^^ Timothy,^^ and Bawky.^* 
 
 Yes, they '11 tell of kids and goats, 
 Short-legged pants and long-tailed coats. 
 Wherefore I will now rehearse 
 What they told me, in my verse. 
 
 The lady fair with golden hair 
 That about Dodo ^^ told me. 
 
 First praised the grace of his sweet face 
 And then went on to scold me 
 
 Because I 'd taught him that he ought 
 When called on to translate. 
 
 Use triangles, rules three and five. 
 And also circulate. 
 
 And thife he did as he was bid. 
 If I 'd been there, I 'd lick'd yer. 
 
 Sprechende Gleichniss, he declared. 
 Was Dutch for "living Picture." 
 [ 154 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1896 
 
 And Farther Gaul^ he told us all. 
 
 If properly translated, 
 Was Pater Gallia, a place 
 
 Readers of Caesar hated. 
 
 Said Wogers,^^ "When I 'm gwown up, I 
 
 A wazor weal shall have." 
 To him, John Thlopth ^"^ thus made reply, 
 
 "Thir! there 'th not muth to thave." 
 
 Wogers wetorted full of wath. 
 
 With wepartee so nimble. 
 Thlopth thaid, ^*You 're thimply thounding 
 brath, 
 
 And a thilly tinkling thymbal." 
 
 George Clarke,^^ he is a beauty, 
 
 At golf he is a terror. 
 George Clarke he can play baseball. 
 
 And never make an error. 
 
 But Learning is his strongest point; 
 
 At Latin he is great. 
 He says he reads it perfectly. 
 
 Only he can't translate. 
 
 Great oaks from little acorns grow, 
 
 I take it then for granted 
 That Bigs' s ^® acorn had a start 
 
 When Bigs' s oak was planted. 
 
 He needs at least a suit a week. 
 And I would take my oath 
 [ 155 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 It takes two beds placed end on end. 
 To manage one night's growth. 
 
 "Oh, honey/'^ my no-nose, who is this lady fair? 
 
 Who is this lovely lady? tell me, pray." 
 "'Tis but a tenth cousin, I have them by the dozen; 
 
 No, really, it is not my fian9ee." 
 
 How long does it take for a crew to row nine miles. 
 When rowing at the rate of three an hour ? 
 
 "Unless you tell," quoth he, "just how long that 
 stream may be 
 To answer it is not within my power." 
 
 Now Biddle is a new Moncure, 
 
 And, therefore, much he must endure. 
 
 For in this annual rhyme 
 Unless his name should find a spot. 
 Like Monny Robinson's, I wot 
 
 'T would wreck it every time. 
 
 And did you hear how he was wrecked ? 
 And could you, brethren dear, suspect 
 
 How he a ship would save ? 
 Pulled out a plug with courage stout — 
 'T was just to let the water out. 
 
 She sank beneath the wave. 
 
 And now he 's here, just come this year. 
 You 'd never think it, but I fear 
 He 's much too far ahead. 
 [ 156] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1896 
 
 He finds his Latin, oh, so slow. 
 He wants to skip a book or so. 
 That stupid stuff he 's read. 
 
 There 's a youngster in the School 
 Who though small is not a fool. 
 
 But who wishes very much indeed to learn. 
 Mr. Parrish ^^ is his name. 
 He '11 be some day known to fame. 
 
 For his mind has such a question-asking turn. 
 
 He really wants to know 
 About Groton School, and so 
 
 He enquired with an innocence extreme, 
 Was it Gordon Brown, he wondered } 
 Was it Archie } Had he blundered ? 
 
 Who was Captain of the Groton football team } 
 
 Oh, Roger Derby, it is said. 
 Once on a time he lay in bed. 
 When underneath a strange commotion 
 Arose like heaving of the ocean. 
 
 Then Black-Eyed Susan ^^ 'gan to shout, 
 "Ah ! what is this ? I can't make out." 
 But Fuller Potter heeded not, 
 A heedless youth is Fuller Pot. 
 
 "Alas ! you 're shaking me to bits; 
 You '11 shake me thin and jar my wits." 
 Next morn th' emaciated lubber 
 Had lost quite twenty pounds of blubber. 
 [ 157 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Young Politics Wharton ^^ considers that Groton 
 Don't give the poor boys much to eat; 
 
 So after supper^ just go to that upper 
 Room where he will give you a treat. 
 
 For Roosey ^* and he give an afternoon tea, 
 The nurse is endeav'ring to train 'em. 
 
 So Roosey gets fat — Polly always is that. 
 And it 's due to their diet of granum. 
 
 Oh, where is Coster, ^^ our little dog beau. 
 
 Our dear little Dachshund fat ? 
 With collar so high and with legs so low 
 
 And presence as big as that ? 
 
 He went to call at the Homestead Hall, 
 And they promptly turned him out. 
 
 Wrote to Wright & Ditson's to get him a belt — 
 They had n't one, he was too stout. 
 
 At last he fled to the library. 
 
 And there on a pillar high. 
 They made him pose in his evening clothes 
 
 As Mercury learning to fly. 
 
 Said Brown ^^ to a Master,^^ — his name I won't say, — 
 "We want a good guard and you really must play." 
 So the Master began, with the tears in his eyes. 
 To knock off* fifteen pounds of superfluous size. 
 
 Much work he performed, and but little he ate. 
 And often he sighed and just gazed at his plate. 
 
 [ 158 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1896 
 
 And the awful result, when he scarce was alive, 
 Was a heft that would not go below sixty-five. 
 
 Take warning, my children, nor ask that the food 
 Of the School, be it fish or corned beef, be eschewed. 
 For his weight on that diet has gone up so fast 
 That it reaches a fat round two hundred at last. 
 And the size of his limbs would, I really think, shock us 
 Were it not for the cut of his vast knickerbockers. 
 
 Now, fellows, let us give three balls 
 
 For Groton. Hip ! Hip ! some one ^^ calls. 
 
 Carried away by zeal. 
 Jerusalem, I did n't mean it. 
 Why, any fellow might have seen it, 
 
 'T is but the way I feel. 
 
 Poor Simmy one, is trade so bad ? 
 They tell me you are feeling sad 
 
 About those fifty dollars 
 You might have made if you 'd but lent your 
 Good cash to Mr. Gushing' s venture — 
 
 His shop run by the scholars. 
 
 There is a famous man in Groton town 
 Who 's going to turn poor Dr. Warren down. 
 Although they say he 's something of a quack,^^ 
 Yet brave ^^ men have employed him for their back. 
 
 But liniment of chloroform he should 
 Avoid henceforth, for surely 't is no good. 
 
 [ 159 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Behold the truly horrible effect 
 It made upon the rubicund aspect, 
 
 Upon the lovely nose of Mr. Devens, 
 Ornament of the best of School elevens, 
 Though some^have said, — but really 'tis absurd, — 
 The beauty spot was pecked there by a bird ^^ 
 
 That Shruby ^^ found in bed the other night. 
 Which made his rosy face turn pale with fright. 
 The bird had but escaped from yonder hall 
 Where Mr. Griswold keeps his show this fall. 
 A whole menagerie of birds, beasts, fishes. 
 With smells as scientific as he wishes. 
 
 It 's perfectly jolly to witness Colly ^ 
 
 Engaged in eating cherries; 
 To make it plain, 't is an endless chain 
 
 Of those highly delicious berries. 
 
 The cherry goes in at the left of his chin. 
 He 's hardly had time to begin it. 
 
 When the stone in sight appears on the right, 
 He thus consumes ninety per minute. 
 
 There sits J. R.,^* and he really thinks 
 That he is a regular sly old sphinx. 
 
 And never a squib on him 
 Shall grace the verse of a birthday night. 
 We know he is lazy, we know he is bright. 
 
 But that is material slim. 
 [ 160 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1896 
 
 We Ve heard of girls with their teeth of pearls 
 And how Hoppin won mixed doubles. 
 
 We 've heard of sighs, red cheeks, blue eyes. 
 We 've heard Billy Burnham's troubles. 
 
 We 've heard of the bride they would like to provide, 
 
 A Master's heart to stir up. 
 So DeKoven said, Mr. Gladwin fled. 
 
 And but just is back from Europe. 
 
 But who would have thought J. R. was that sort 
 If they 'd not seen his conduct frantic 
 
 Each day last spring the Swan spread his wing. 
 And warbled his note romantic. 
 
 When afternoons are bright and fair 
 How nice it is to take the air. 
 How tiresome to have others say, 
 "Let 's take a Choir holiday." 
 
 Why should we marvel, therefore, if 
 The inspiration came to Liph^^ 
 That even he might eke aspire 
 To join that noble throng the Choir. 
 
 His voice was tried — what need to tell. 
 Pronounced as clear as any bell. 
 A bell. Of course the question rises. 
 Why like a bell? Cut short surmises. 
 
 Why is Liph like a bell.^ Why, he 
 Has got a pull, so now you see. 
 [ 161 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I think you '11 agree that it 's pretty near time 
 To turn off my steam and to finish my rhyme. 
 For Roosey says he has prepared a reply 
 To my squibs, which he threatens to read by and by. 
 
 So let me retire and give him his chance. 
 With thanks to the sisters and cousins and aunts 
 Who gave me these points to make rhyme of and fun. 
 And no doubt you '11 be glad when the Poem is done. 
 
 [ 162 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ McKinley defeats Bryan. 
 
 2 W. P. Wharton. 
 
 3 R. Wells. 
 
 * E. N. Potter. 
 ^ Pot — W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 
 ^ J. L. Goodwin. 
 '^ C. T. Brown. 
 ^ H. Hooker. 
 ® Le G. C. Griswold. 
 ^® G. Harrison Mifflin — author of Nahant Sea Serpent 
 
 story. 
 
 C. G. Hutchins. 
 
 R. H. I. Goddard. 
 
 L. E. Mahan. 
 
 Hugh Auchincloss. 
 
 G. D. Morgan. 
 
 Demijohn. 
 
 J. deK. Alsop. 
 
 G. C. = Golf Crazy. 
 9 F. B. Riggs~6ft. 6. 
 
 20 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. 
 
 21 J. C. Parrish. 
 
 22 Roger A. Derby. 
 
 23 W. P. Wharton. 
 
 24 J. R. Roosevelt. 
 
 25 E. C. Wilmerding. 
 2^ F. G. Brown. 
 
 27 Mr. Abbott. 
 
 28 S. B. Chittenden. 
 
 29 Mr. Woods. 
 
 30 Mr. Ayrault. 
 
 [ 163 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 31 J. R S?van. 
 
 ^^ A. L. D evens, Jr, 
 
 33 H. L. Whitridge. 
 
 34 J. R Swan. 
 
 35 E. N. Potter. 
 
 [ 164 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 1896 
 
 The Homestead is crowded as never before 
 In the good Groton days since the year 'eighty-four. 
 'T is the season for holly and mistletoe berry. 
 And Groton is feeling uncommonly merry. 
 
 And is rather disposed the good cheer to prolong 
 By further indulgence in fiddle and song. 
 But we crave your attention for some moments yet 
 To the words of our annual rhyming duet. 
 
 One's reminded of one of those old-fashioned 
 
 things — 
 A circus that only can boast of two rings ; 
 Don't you think it is time to enlarge it to three.'' 
 For a new star has risen in Waterburee.^ 
 
 As the autumn's advanced his fair hair has grown 
 
 long. 
 And anon and again he has burst forth in song. 
 Stray fragments of verse have been found on his desk 
 From early romantic to modern grotesque. 
 His beard all unkempt, his mustache got all curly, 
 And Jack, bluff old Jack, become hopelessly girly. 
 
 The Homestead has gained since we last gathered 
 
 here. 
 And Groton School lost in the same rolling year 
 One ornament who, though I mentioned no names. 
 Would be known as none else than our Varsity James. ^ 
 
 [ 165 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 We 've missed him at table, at work, and at play, 
 Though we 've seen him play guard in his lovely old 
 
 way. 
 And we 're all mighty glad since we can't have our 
 
 Jim, 
 To come here and wish Merry Christmas to him. 
 
 Our old-fashioned orchestra, mournful to say. 
 Has about dwindled down to a single push ^ play. 
 So we 've got up a new one with instruments queer. 
 Which we all, I am sure, are enchanted to hear. 
 
 And as to the violin, why, Billy Post, 
 At tweaking the strings, in himself is a host. 
 And Glee Club and Choir, when rolled into one 
 As a choral affair, simply captures the bun. 
 
 And for singing, we 'd listen till aged and gray 
 To our hostess, and ever once more we would pray. 
 Just once more to sing, how the flag of the free 
 Came homeward triumphant to old Tennessee. 
 
 But now to our business — to sit on our friends. 
 If you knew, dearest brethren, how much it depends 
 On your conduct ridiculous during the week. 
 Ere you 're called on to figure in verse as a freak, 
 
 You would n't have been so uncommonly sober 
 As you were in the opening days of October. 
 When I, as I thought of this evening, turned pale. 
 And hastily went for instructions to Yale. 
 
 [ 166 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 For there I had heard of the duties so hard 
 Which fell to the province of Sumner Gerard, 
 Who must do as I do, for he 's made class historian. 
 Get off a squib discourse, a joky and gory one. 
 
 Said he, "Do as I do, put names in a hat. 
 And invite Mr. Billings to draw lots from that. 
 And if you discover he 's bagged every freak. 
 Just make him give half his collection unique." 
 
 So now, brother poet, just fire away, 
 Select a few freaks and let them have their day. 
 And perhaps later on, when your verse takes a rest. 
 To slaughter some more I will then do my best. 
 
 The Head Master is generally heard when he speaks. 
 
 His language and voice are both stately. 
 But he talked in a whisper for more than two weeks ; 
 
 Has there been any trouble quite lately.'' 
 There's some mystery there that I cannot see through. 
 
 His voice disappeared for no reason. 
 We were sorry of course ; but yet it is true 
 
 We had peace at the School for a season. 
 
 We heard voices pitched high in the study one night. 
 
 And wondering what had transpired. 
 In pity because of some pupil's sad plight, 
 
 Charlie Clarke issued forth, looking tired. 
 
 I don't think a bit that it matters much 
 That older the Faculty 's growing, 
 [ 167 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The world appears better each day to our touch 
 As the sands of time are flowing. 
 
 Human age is a relative thing, is it not? 
 
 And the boys are all following after 
 Us. By some we are being so nearly caught 
 
 It 's a constant source of laughter. 
 
 We 've a club of old men, with three members, in fact. 
 
 Who a dignity serious foster. 
 One 's older by far than he seems to act. 
 
 The quite irrepressible Goster.* 
 
 Two others belong, there is Pin ^ and there 's Liph,® 
 
 Who talk much of life and duty. 
 Who like serious things and work that is stiff. 
 
 Such as Cicero's De Senectute. 
 
 "Oh, Doctor, come and barber me. 
 
 My hair is red and long; 
 The football season 's past and done, 
 
 I hope you're feeling strong." 
 
 Then Doctor Woods he seized the shears. 
 
 And strength indeed displayed. 
 Cut Shrube's ^ back hair like a winding stair, 
 
 And an awful mess he made. 
 
 We have tried at the School to impress on the boys 
 
 Their political place in our nation; 
 How it ought to be one of their deepest joys 
 
 To fill in their land a high station. 
 [ 168 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 But we did n't expect to affect the trustees, 
 And it 's so much the greater a pleasure 
 
 To see them taking no thought of their ease. 
 And to serious things give their leisure. 
 
 We've had Bishops and Pastors and Schoolmasters too. 
 And a jurist most wise, so our fate 's spun. 
 
 And some great business men, but we none of us knew 
 That we had on the board a fine statesman. 
 
 You can understand now that much safer we feel, 
 The State can't hurt us now without pity. 
 
 For our new representative ^ won't let them steal 
 The loved river,® — that grasping old city! 
 
 Of prosperity now our old town will be filled. 
 For oppression he views with abhorrence. 
 
 We have got what we long have been wanting — a pull. 
 So here 's to our own Mr. Lawrence. 
 
 Oh, I will tell you no whopper. 
 
 And don't you think it a fake, 
 I know a fellow named Topper,^^ 
 
 Called Clifford ^^ till now by mistake. 
 
 And who is the fat little party 
 Who eats so and waddles about.'' 
 
 He cannot be Coster the hearty. 
 He must be the Sister stout. ^^ 
 
 My dear, will you tell me at once if you can, 
 I 'm ashamed that I can't quite remember, 
 [ 169 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 What happened — I 'm sorry I don't understand — 
 Last month on the fourth of November? 
 
 I know that the world was agog at the news, 
 
 And I wonder on sober reflection 
 If it was n't the national joyous enthuse 
 
 Over Major McKinley's election. 
 
 Men flung up their hats and they pulled off their 
 coats. 
 
 And together they shouted out su'thing; 
 'T was perhaps the proportioned Electoral votes, 
 
 They said — forty and six against nothing. 
 
 Old Oracle wise, it is not very oft 
 
 That in questions of fact you 're mistaken. 
 
 But national matters at Groton were dwarfed. 
 And our faith in your memory 's shaken. 
 
 Why, that day it was Waterloo over again. 
 
 But listen and I '11 be explicit : 
 'T was a furious struggle of men against men. 
 
 For Southborough paid us a visit. 
 
 We 'd twice in succession hard lessons been taught. 
 And our fortunes had got to be mended; 
 
 We had lost quite enough, even more as we thought. 
 So on Brown and his colts we depended. 
 
 It was trying to wait for the ball to be kicked. 
 But we held in our feelings and muzzled 
 [ 170 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 Our shouts till we saw they were hopelessly tricked, 
 And each individual puzzled. 
 
 'T was n't easy for Southb'ro to quite comprehend 
 How the rules of the game all obeying 
 
 We had lined up against them with so many men, 
 But the boys in two places were playing. 
 
 The St. Markers tried hard, but more men are what 
 wins. 
 
 Men strong and compact and not gawky. 
 We had two Billy Lawrences, three or four twins,^^ 
 
 And several editions of Balky. ^^ 
 
 May David's^* new team be of just the same stamp. 
 May they follow Brun's ^^ lead and not falter; 
 
 And ne'er may our coacher from Groton DeCamp, 
 Decrepit, but foxy old Walter. ^^ 
 
 Oh, won't you come to tea with me } 
 
 And if you *re good, perhaps, 
 I may consent to think about 
 
 Dispensing a few scraps. 
 
 You '11 possibly be offered tea. 
 
 But very likely not; 
 There 's just a chance some slops are left 
 
 At the bottom of the pot. 
 
 And if you will not lie upon 
 The divan in a heap, 
 [ 171 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Nor the piano play, nor sit 
 On chairs some twenty deep. 
 
 And if you will not steal the cake 
 
 When I 'm not standing by. 
 You may '^^at last," as Devens said, 
 
 Be allowed to say Good-bye. 
 
 I find this scheme does not please those 
 
 Who really must have more grub; 
 So they 've started a band, and the idea is grand, 
 
 They 've formed the Come Every Day Club. 
 
 This Club wants to pour out the tea for themselves, 
 
 To have me do it 's really a shame; 
 So when darkness descends, in the midst of my friends, 
 
 I indulge in the number game. 
 
 There was a clergyman 
 And he had a little gun. 
 
 And his bullets they were made of 
 lead, lead, lead; 
 He takes a pair of friends. 
 To the woods his way he wends. 
 
 And a grand success he had, for so he 
 said, said, said. 
 
 Four partridges so fat 
 And a feather in his hat 
 
 Were the spoils these hunters brought 
 from the fray, fray, fray; 
 [ 172 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 And all went well until 
 
 From the butcher came the bill. 
 
 And we learned how much these hunters had to 
 pay, pay, pay. 
 
 All this was long ago. 
 
 For they waited, as you know. 
 
 Till the birthday poem had been safely 
 read, read, read ; 
 For they feared what I might write 
 Upon Annivers'ry Night — 
 
 Oh, their bullets they were money and not 
 lead, lead, lead. 
 
 Let me give you an example 
 
 How you can a school -room run; 
 'T is no other than our Madam 
 
 Teaches how the thing is done. 
 
 "Helen, if again you do it 
 
 You shall have no nice ice cream." 
 
 Up jumps Helen, promptly does it 
 With a nonchalance supreme. 
 
 But observe the retribution 
 
 On the deed — which follows fast. 
 
 Hear the Madam's stern announcement, 
 "Helen, you shall be helped last." 
 
 Mr. E. Sturgis seems quite dejected and down. 
 He feels that no longer he 's needed. 
 [ 173 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 For Sam Hinckley's stern words of command and his 
 frown 
 Quite as much as a Master's are heeded. 
 
 The boys choose some one fit and they put him in 
 charge — 
 
 The dormit'ry 's still, there 's no hob ; 
 Their system is good with their Prefect at large, 
 
 Poor Balky is out of a job. 
 
 But the mournfulest feature surrounding the whole 
 
 I will leave for you all to guess; 
 The thing which strikes down to the roots of the soul 
 
 Is the ''utter loneliness." 
 
 There 's a man named Sidney Breese, 
 And won't you tell him, please, 
 
 The number of his street in New York town } 
 He really can't recall 
 Where he lives at all, at all. 
 
 But thinks perhaps you might ask Jaky Brown. ^' 
 
 For the streets of the great city, 
 'Tis the truth, though 'tis a pity. 
 
 Remind him of arithmetic in class ; 
 He thinks Jake 's such a terror, 
 He can answer without error 
 
 Questions he himself could never, never pass. 
 
 You can't be all over the school-room at once. 
 And while a queer noise you 're pursuing, 
 [ 174 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 Or showing a point of good use to some dunce. 
 You can't tell what the others are doing. 
 
 A Schoolmaster's life every good purpose serves. 
 
 It 's a pleasant life surely too, but a 
 Most worrisome one if you 're troubled with nerves ; 
 
 It is true, only ask Mr. Nutter. 
 
 One's nervousness also one cannot conceal, 
 It 's in vain you endeavour to mask it. 
 
 But amazing relief teachers instantly feel. 
 With their feet in a waste-paper basket. 
 
 When Charlie Lawrance seems to work 
 
 With singular devotion. 
 It 's not his Latin nor his French, 
 
 Oh, no, he 's got a notion. 
 
 He 's busy with the last details 
 
 For crossing land and ocean 
 On his new patent flying car 
 
 Run by perpetual motion. 
 
 Oh, I might sing of many a thing : 
 How Frinky ^^ drove the ball — 
 
 To beat the record, which he claimed 
 To where he saw it fall. 
 
 Alas, the boast, the ball was lost. 
 But nothing daunted he, 
 [ 175 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Kept up his pride till he it spied. 
 Two feet behind the tee. 
 
 I 'd sing and coo like little Lou- 
 -is White whose honeyed titter 
 
 Restores the temper, though the joke 
 On him be ne'er so bitter. 
 
 Of Mr. Abbott's rowing zeal. 
 Jack Minturn's unknown age. 
 
 And Rubber^® Derby's new white pumps. 
 And Richard's ^^ jealous rage; 
 
 And all because old Santa Claus 
 
 Had treated him so rough. 
 Wasn't his stocking hung all right? 
 
 Aren't his feet big enough? 
 
 How Mr. Gushing keeps a shop. 
 
 And how he sells thereat 
 All kinds of exercising things. 
 
 Including Anti-fat. 
 
 For since he 's found the skating pond 
 
 Refuses to bear him. 
 Although it bears the whole School well. 
 
 He must and shall get slim. 
 
 And now to ourselves we all offer a toast. 
 And we pour out a gen'rous libation; 
 
 [ 176 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1896 
 
 For we 've finished our work and we 're leaving our 
 post. 
 And we 're off for a two weeks' vacation. 
 
 To those who have passed and to those who have 
 failed. 
 We offer our congratulations. 
 Some have headed their Forms and some others have 
 failed ; 
 In all classes are various stations. 
 
 From our studies and text-books and such things we 
 turn 
 
 To a different species of pleasure. 
 School is all very well and there 's much that we learn, 
 
 But you can't study on without measure. 
 
 The good cheer of this season as always forbids 
 
 To impose on the fun any strictures; 
 But there come to my mind of the homes of the kids 
 
 Many deeply emotional pictures. 
 
 Up at School there *s detention and dark-coloured 
 marks. 
 
 And punishment strictly is meted. 
 And no one respects a kid's wonderful larks; 
 
 He 's as quite insignificant treated. 
 
 But at home he 's considered at just his true worth. 
 
 He 's a really remarkable child. 
 To call him distinguished from time of his birth 
 
 Is only a-drawing it mild. 
 
 [ 177 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Young and old boys alike don't care much to roam, 
 They 're glad of vacation, they tell us; 
 
 And they take a bee line just straight for their home. 
 And we Schoolmasters are n't a bit jealous. 
 
 We, too, are all off very soon like the rest. 
 We live much of our time among others ; 
 
 The School may be pleasant, but of all things the best 
 Is home and our fathers and mothers. 
 
 [178] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ J. C. Waterbury. 
 
 ^ James Lawrence, Jr. 
 
 ^ Mr. Pushface Griswold of the Laughing Horse clarinet. 
 
 * E. C. Wilmerding — President of Old Mans Club. 
 
 ^ W. W. Hoppin, Jr. 
 
 « E. N. Potter. 
 
 "^ A. L. Devens, Jr. 
 
 ^ Mr. James Lawrence. Massachusetts Legislature, 1897. 
 
 ^ Part of the Nashua was diverted for the Boston Water 
 
 Supply. Miichuneasiness was caused lest St. Mark's catch 
 
 our river in the Southborough Basin. 
 ^ See Dickens s Christmas Carol. 
 
 John Henry. 
 
 J. L. and E. Motley 
 
 Hugh Auchincloss. 
 
 D. S. Hawkins — Captain, 1897. 
 
 F. G. Brown — Captain, 1896. 
 
 Walter Camp Ayrault. 
 
 L. Brown. 
 
 F. J. 0. Alsop. 
 
 Roger A. Derby. 
 ^^ Richard Derby. 
 
 [ 179 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1897 
 
 YOU see, you 've got the same old bore yet. 
 The wordy, windy poet laureate. 
 Returned from foreign shores in time 
 To perpetrate his annual rhyme. 
 
 His Pegasus he found in Venice 
 
 Had all but changed his name to Dennis, 
 
 For in a gondola, no horse 
 
 Gets proper exercise, of course. 
 
 And poets in the selfsame wise 
 
 Grow stale from lack of exercise. 
 
 No kids he knew of deeds absurd. 
 
 Of freaks and squibs he ne'er had heard. 
 
 No dormitory rows and fights. 
 No school-room hob on Prefect nights. 
 And when he lay enwrapped in sheets. 
 The only dreams he had were skeets. 
 
 Thus he is driven to invent. 
 For truth of squibs cares not one cent. 
 He 's only sure that if Dave Hawkins 
 Declares there 's nothing in the talkin's 
 
 About his doings up in Camp, 
 And Motley ^ swears 't was not the damp 
 That drove him home when sand gave out. 
 And Jimmy Jackson casts a doubt 
 [ 181 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Upon the tale he saved a life 
 
 Of one J — perhaps his future wife, — 
 
 You, knowing Jackson, Mouse and Dave, 
 
 Just nod your head with gesture grave. 
 
 And if not quite you trust my verse. 
 
 It 's 'cause the truth 's just ten times worse. 
 
 When I returned from Dago land. 
 
 What do you suppose I found.'' 
 Why, Dago Morse,^ none other, of course, 
 Had hired some dozens of Dago cousins 
 
 To dig a long hole in the ground. 
 
 Luigi DeKoven was hovering near 
 
 With monk' and banan', and smiled. 
 He jabbered Italian till all the battalion 
 Pronounced him a bello ragazzo — fine fellow. 
 Or beautiful infant child. 
 
 When I returned from Europe's shores. 
 
 Who do you suppose, I pray, 
 Had taken charge of my blackboard large. 
 Rubbed out my squibs and jabbed my ribs. 
 
 And said he was going to stay? 
 
 My cousin Coolidge,^ it was no less. 
 
 But your Uncle B. said "Fudge." 
 He may weep or wepine, he may wage or wesign, 
 He may send out the fish or any old dish. 
 
 But he cannot get me to budge. 
 
 [ 182 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1897 
 
 When I returned from foreign lands. 
 
 Who else do you think was here 
 To give sweetness and light to our birthday night, 
 To fill a warm place in our hearts and add grace 
 
 To our circle for many a year? 
 
 Why, you see Mr. Abbott was sadly in need 
 
 Of advice in the care of the crews ; 
 He 'd perfected his fours in the use of the oars. 
 In tub and in boat and whatever would float. 
 
 And he thought he would like to row twos. 
 
 We think he needs coaching, however, himself. 
 
 To give him some notion of time. 
 For by missing a train, — I confess it with pain, — 
 On the very first day, after marriage, they say. 
 
 He abandoned the theme of my rhyme. 
 
 I also found when I reached these shores 
 
 That Sweden had sent a friend,* 
 To make the infirm old Faculty squirm. 
 And make them jiggle and body wiggle. 
 
 And stoop and contort and bend. 
 
 He 's found that Clifford^ has classic toes; 
 
 That Coster® 's the chest of a guard; 
 That Ivy's '^ feet are a kilometer; 
 That any one willing should box Mr. Billings, 
 
 " But don't hit the little man hard." 
 
 That Timmy's ^ two legs are n't quite the same. 
 But the average girth of his calves 
 [ 183 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 If compared with Chitty ® of Brooklyn city 
 Exceeds his rating of chest inflating 
 By a kilogram cut in halves. 
 
 He finds that Starr ^" is a little too thin ; 
 
 That laughing is good for digestion. 
 Hence Wharton's liver, if made to quiver 
 By the laughter merry one hears from Gerry/^ 
 
 Would be cured beyond all question. 
 
 He therefore advises jugglers' tricks. 
 
 The Wagdog as model to take. 
 And ere going to bed to stand on his head 
 And measure the space if his shoes are in place. 
 
 For untidiness keeps him awake. 
 
 There's nothing so bad as clothes half dry, 
 
 So when Biddle ^^ got one pant wet. 
 He advised him to throw in the other also. 
 For the drying might be uneven, you see. 
 And the dear child a cold might get. 
 
 He says that Hemenway must have rolls. 
 
 And always must have them hot; 
 The Masters no doubt can do well without; 
 Dr. Woods, I am told, prefers them cold — 
 
 At least, that is all he got. 
 
 He said Mr. Griswold is quite fagged out. 
 And advises a trip to Klondike. 
 
 [ 184 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1897 
 
 He must get himself quick an Ispravnik 
 Tagblatt Russikanisches, which word in Danish is: 
 " Spend your sabbat on a bike." 
 
 He finds the table can be supplied 
 
 From the lower half of the School ; 
 And he recommends to the use of his friends 
 The following diet and begs them to try it. 
 
 Made up by the following rule: 
 
 One pound of Bacon, one pound of Fish 
 
 To be got from the good man Friday. ^^ 
 Many pounds of fat Ham^* — while Turkey and Cran- 
 Berry sauce Turkey Low ^^ they say will bestow. 
 And a Robin ^^ will come in tidy. 
 
 For sausages take the little red dog/' 
 
 The brother is he of the black one. 
 To freshen things, pop in a slice of fresh Hoppin/^ 
 While golf-balls will do for a fish-ball or two 
 
 If the bill of fare happens to lack one. 
 
 Let the Sargent ^^ keeporderand see that each boarder 
 
 Eats just twice as much as he wishes. 
 Miss Mary Ann Haight ^^ on the table can wait. 
 And Hinckley ^^ we hope has at last got some soap. 
 In which case he can wash up the dishes. 
 
 When I came back from Italy, 
 The land of the Roman gods, 
 
 [ 185 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I found Fuller Potter had gone and got a 
 New phraseology for mythology. 
 Here are some ends and odds: 
 
 The father and mother of gods and men 
 
 You must not, my brothers, confuse. 
 King Jupiter courted fair lo and thwarted 
 Queen Juniper you know — she used to be Juno — 
 
 And Venus wears wings on his shoes. 
 
 I found Neddy Krumbhaar had brought a twin. 
 
 To tell you it is my duty; 
 That eloquent Squushy^^ became quite gushy — 
 He says that he knows no face like Greenough's 
 
 For truly remarkable beauty. 
 
 There entered the school-room one morning quite late 
 
 A youth looking scarcely alive. 
 The Master enquired what could have transpired 
 To make him so late ; but the youth answered straight, 
 
 "From the Doctor just now I arrive." 
 
 But when questioned why he did n't go to recite. 
 
 It was found by the puzzled inspector 
 That young Master Ladd ^^ had merely been bad 
 And had j ust been trun out, while the Doctor, no doubt, 
 V^as Doctor Peabddy, the Rector. 
 
 When I returned to School once more, 
 I knew, for I 'd felt it in dreams, 
 
 [ 186 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1897 
 
 I 'd find Mr. Nutter preparing to utter 
 Some tyrant decree in this land of the free. 
 And he did — it was daily themes. 
 
 The victims step up with new stories each day. 
 
 My! it must be delightful reading. 
 The ears to tickle, and like a nickel 
 They drop in the slit, and he reads them — nit. 
 
 And this is the whole proceeding. 
 
 When I returned to this fair land. 
 
 What sound assailed mine ear? 
 'T was Charlie Lawrance performing a dance 
 On the tuneful cornet in delightful duet. 
 
 Which indeed was enchanting to hear. 
 
 I scarcely need tell — for you all know him well — 
 
 Who was pushing ^* the keys of his flute. 
 And if Charlie's music has slightly made you sick. 
 Request him to read you his poem — a bijou — 
 At verses he 's simply a beaut. 
 
 I heard John Richards described one day 
 
 As naught but an old steam-roller. 
 Said he, "Little Little,^^ if you weren't so brittle 
 I hereby advise you I 'd macadamize you. 
 
 You poor little thin bean-poler." 
 
 If you 'd been where I was some nights ago 
 You 'd have heard the paint-pot splash. 
 
 [ 187 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 For they found Euey Thayer could n't raise any hair 
 On his cheeks or his chin, so they painted some in. 
 And for once he 'd a lovely mustache. 
 
 Rubber ^^ Derby gets words twisted once in a while. 
 
 And a little bit mixed in the letters. 
 And opines that young Farr,^' though no doubt he 's a 
 
 star. 
 Would be nicer if he would endeavour to be 
 
 More respectable towards his betters. 
 
 An Anglomaniac in his view 
 
 (It shows a compassionate feeling) 
 Is a much nicer word — at least so he has heard — 
 To use of a thief who 's at last come to grief 
 
 For common or garden stealing. 
 
 Afflicted with spavin, for succour he begged. 
 
 And said in his leg he 'd a spasm. 
 But Mr. Cigar Stump * answered, "Ha! ha! 
 Be sure it 's not that; it 's a layer of fat — 
 
 These troubles ; there 's others that has 'em. 
 
 A new style of learning 's appeared at the School, 
 " J-u-j must spell judge," says Earned. ^^ 
 
 J-a-w-j spells George, I say. 
 
 One forty six oughts in one answer he sports. 
 And then in despair says, ^^Darn it." 
 
 Mr. Billings announces that he is a wiz. 
 But his meaning precise we lack. 
 
 [ 188 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1897 
 
 Mr. Ayrault explains that all of the pains 
 He suffered to-day in refusing to play 
 Are n't as bad as one twinge in his back. 
 
 There 's Harry John Mifflin who says he must have 
 
 Some tribute in words polite. 
 But I 'd less than a jiffy to write about Miffy, 
 So he mustn't be lonely, he isn't the only 
 
 Golf-ball on the tee to-night. 
 
 When I returned from lands afar. 
 And many things seemed strange, 
 
 I tell you it was pretty nice 
 
 To find some things don't change. 
 
 To find the skin on Shruby's ^^ nose 
 Had been rubbed off once more. 
 
 To see old Dave ^^ go round the end. 
 And just pile up the score. 
 
 To see Jo-ar^^ look wise and grave 
 
 When he is n't so a bit. 
 But meditates another try 
 "^ At forty-six to nit. 
 
 It 's good to see the double pass 
 
 Performed by Motley twins. 
 While Waterbury yanks the ball. 
 
 And Hoya ^^ guards his shins. 
 
 To see the ancient graduates 
 Perform the shoe-string trick. 
 [ 189 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 While Patten darts down half the field 
 Backed up by Paddlequick.^^ 
 
 They tell me that to-morrow, though, 
 We 're going to find it torrid 
 
 When we buck up 'gainst Hoppy's men, 
 So just let 's lick them horrid. 
 
 It 's good to see our Catcher Bold ^* 
 
 Is with us once again, 
 For when the swallows sing next May 
 
 He '11 cause St. Mark's much pain. 
 
 And I can tell you it is good 
 
 When any dear old grad 
 Comes up to grace our birthday feast, 
 
 For we have missed them bad. 
 
 Yes, years may come and years may go. 
 
 One finds the same old fire 
 Burning as brightly as of old. 
 
 Or warmer still, and higher. 
 
 We 're thirteen years of age to-night. 
 Older than some new-comers; 
 
 We 've got to set a lively pace. 
 
 For those old grads were hummers. 
 
 God grant that you be worthy of 
 Our black and red and white. 
 
 And may you live to celebrate 
 Many a birthday night. 
 [ 190 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 E. Motley. 
 
 ^ A. H. Morse. Foundations of School House begun. 
 
 ^ Mr. J. L. Coolidge. 
 
 * Mr. Skar Strom or Cigar Stump. Inventor of Addy humps. 
 
 5 /. H. Clifford. 
 
 ® E. C. Wilmerding. 
 
 ^ R. H. I. Goddard. 
 
 8 L. E. Mahan. 
 
 » S. B. Chittenden. 
 
 ^^ Louis Starr, Jr. 
 
 ^^ E. G. Chadwick. 
 
 ^2 Moncure Biddle. 
 
 1^ Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. 
 
 ^* Gorham Brooks. 
 
 15 G. C. W. Low. 
 
 16 W. D. Bobbins. 
 
 1"^ Wendell P. Blagden. 
 1^ Bayard C. Hoppin. 
 
 19 F. W. Sargent, Jr. 
 
 20 /. McV. Haight. 
 
 21 J. Hinckley. 
 
 22 E. B. Krumbhaar — said to resemble Carroll Greenough. 
 
 23 C. Ladd. 
 
 2* Mr. Griswold. 
 
 25 P. Little, Jr. 
 
 26 R. A. Derby. 
 
 27 T. H. P. Farr. 
 
 2^ A. C. Lamed — poet. 
 
 29 A. L. Devens, Jr. 
 
 30 D. S. Hawkins. Seventeen to two. 
 
 31 /. R. Swan. 
 
 [ 191 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 32 H. S. Hooker. 
 
 33 R. Wheatland. The shoe-string trick produced the only 
 score for the Alumni team. 
 
 3* Mr. S, W, Sturgis—"The Bold." 
 
 [ 192 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1897 
 [Fragment] 
 
 When the days grow dark and shorten. 
 
 And there's chicken-pox at Groton; 
 
 When the football team 's disbanded. 
 
 And the game is safely landed; 
 
 When the athletes have no job. 
 
 And the kids raise merry hob; 
 
 And the Come Each Evening Club 
 
 Has exhausted all my grub; 
 
 When the hard- worked phonograph 
 
 Hardly serves to raise a laugh, — 
 
 Some of us — it may seem strange — 
 
 Think we 'd rather like a change ; 
 
 And with curious aberration 
 
 Feel we 'd quite enjoy vacation. 
 
 Thus it is that yew and holly 
 
 Seem particularly jolly. 
 
 And the Homestead Hall to-day 
 
 Looks unusually gay ; 
 
 And the music sounds so sweet. 
 
 And it 's .simply bliss to eat. 
 
 And our Christmas seems each year 
 
 Doubly merry, doubly dear. 
 
 For this annual occasion 
 
 As a send-off to vacation. 
 
 And a proof how strong the tie, 
 
 Stronger still as years go by, 
 
 [ 193 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 That unites the Homestead's Yule 
 With the hearts of Groton School. 
 
 'T was on a winter's evening I was pondering what to 
 say. 
 
 When hopping o'er my window-sill appeared in plu- 
 mage gay 
 
 A Bird,^ a Swan, a Crow it was, a Dodo or a Duck, 
 
 It might have been a goose, perhaps, we '11 call him so 
 for luck. 
 
 Said I, "Here is some seed for you, come try it. Birdie 
 
 deary." 
 Said he, "You give me such a pain, in fact you make 
 
 me weary." 
 He said he 'd come from Utica and flown on angel's 
 
 wing,— 
 A lark more likely or a turtledove or some such thing. 
 
 He chirped and said, ^'^ Just call me any name you like 
 
 on earth. 
 To make the brethren laugh and to contribute to the 
 
 mirth. 
 Call me a wren, a buzzard or an odd ornithorhyncus. 
 We birds don't really care so much what other people 
 
 think us, 
 Call me a pelican, an owl or non extinctus aar, 
 Call me a jay if you insist, but don't call me J. R." 
 
 Rub-a-dub Blubber ^ 's a nobleman. 
 Tell you his pedigree? Yes, sir, he can. 
 
 [ 194 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1897 
 
 He knows every word from the earliest hour 
 When his ancestors sailed on the good ship Wall 
 Flower. 
 
 The first Rubber Blubber was lower-deck scrubber. 
 The others were seasick like any landlubber. 
 And if you have gazed at the passenger list, 
 And find that the name from its pages is missed. 
 With countenance beaming your doubts he will veto — 
 Why, all the nobility came incognito. 
 
 There once was a youth who would fain beseech. 
 
 Even as you and I. 
 So he Pushed through the crowd and he made his 
 speech. 
 
 But could n't obtain reply. 
 
 The Master was busy, he could n't attend 
 
 To a thousand things at once'; 
 So a bystander whispered, "Sam,^ my friend. 
 
 Take my advice, don't be a dunce. 
 
 "If you wish to the favour of men to climb 
 O'er the heads of the noisy and lesser. 
 
 Don't wait for the order of '^One at a time,' 
 But sweetly say, '^May I, Professor.'*'" 
 
 Sam catches the point and he takes the advice 
 
 And alters his form of address ; 
 "Professor," says he, and there comes in a trice 
 
 From the midst of the crowd a "Yes." 
 [ 195 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The weather 's getting chilly as the winter time ad- 
 vancesj 
 It 's hard to keep a class-room very warm, 
 And suffering and shivering 'mid Masters' songs and 
 dances. 
 Distract the close attention of a Form. 
 
 But pity the poor sinners who are blowzy with their 
 dinners, 
 Poor, gaunt and fragile creatures that they are. 
 The two who cried, '^'^We 're freezing, we are wheez- 
 ing, we are sneezing," 
 Were thin Richards * and emaciated Starr.^ 
 
 — No7v let 's look at Dupont. — 
 
 Archie Brown has got an uncle 
 
 Who admires Archie much; 
 He confided to your poet 
 
 Archie 's golf just beat the Dutch. 
 
 He may look a tender stripling. 
 
 But his uncle merely begs 
 You 'd observe below his middle 
 
 He has got stupendous legs. 
 
 Last summer when Burnham was crossing 
 
 The wild and restless sea. 
 The soft-shell crabs and the tossing 
 
 With his happiness did n't agree. 
 
 [ 196] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1897 
 
 But to brighten his restless pillow, 
 
 Beside him sat Markoe^ 
 And life on the ocean billow 
 
 In every detail he knew. 
 
 Poor Burnham grew fainter and paler, 
 Markoe never got out of breath. 
 
 And Burnham may be a good sailor. 
 But he nearly was talked to death. 
 
 Meantime on the Bay of Murray 
 
 A rubicund epicure ^ 
 Declared that a hog in a hurry 
 
 Was one thing he could n't endure. 
 
 And our courtly society Gerry, 
 After whirling a maid in a waltz. 
 
 Abandoned the company merry 
 
 (He swears that this legend is false). 
 
 But as I have heard the story. 
 
 When once he his arm had placed. 
 
 He forgot in the midst of his glory 
 To remove it at all from her waist. 
 
 They 've been building in the Gym of late a sort of 
 
 prison grill,"^ 
 With benches for the inmates whose behaviour has 
 
 been ill. 
 At least I 'd so supposed at first, but had to stir my 
 
 stumps, 
 
 [ 197 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 When I found myself involved in the mad rush of 
 addyhumps 
 
 However, I have learned at last it 's neither this nor 
 
 that. 
 But intended as a cage to keep our Happy Fam'ly 
 
 at. 
 There are first, the jolly giants, Major Biggs® and 
 
 Gen'ral Cush, 
 And Astral Swann ^ projected and the Infant with the 
 
 Moosh. 
 
 I refer, of course, to Colly,^^ who don't care a single 
 
 button 
 For anything but horses and for ladies and for 
 
 mutton. 
 There 's a great Brute of a Black Dog ^^ and two 
 
 little red dogs sweet. 
 And next year there'll be a White Dog^^ and our 
 
 colours are complete. 
 
 And a little Brute 's included, not a dog, but just a 
 
 Mouse,^^ 
 And when the dogs and mice do scrap there 's music 
 
 in the house. 
 To add to the Museum there is Smokes's ^* long-lost 
 
 smile ; 
 Speak the magic word and watch his collar swelling 
 
 out the while. 
 
 And just to add perfection to this perfectest of shows, 
 Joe Grew exhibits daily his elastic skin and nose. 
 
 [ 198 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1897 
 
 And Hugh Minturn shows his samples of a full line of 
 
 cosmetics, 
 Four little tubes of various kinds and lectures on 
 
 aesthetics. 
 
 And the Showman, ah, the Showman of this Happy 
 
 Familee, 
 Is Frank Alsop, who, they tell us, is a sight worth 
 
 while to see. 
 He's a human sheep, they tell us, and he bleats 
 
 '^Just luke at that," 
 As he points out the exhibits and he passes round 
 
 the hat. 
 
 — Look at our Jim. — 
 
 Hey diddle diddle. 
 
 Pray, where is Biddle?^^ 
 I 've sought till I 'm out of breath. 
 
 Is it possible he finds his food disagree, 
 Or only a case of Black Death? ^^ 
 
 Old Rip Van Winkle, 
 
 We 're onto your wrinkle; 
 It increases the winter's quickness 
 
 If you sleep night and day ; 
 
 The time passes away, — 
 This accounts for your curious sickness. 
 
 A sound of war is heard afar, 
 A fight 'twixt Drexel Paul, 
 [ 199 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Competing for young Grade's ^^ smiles 
 With his deadly rival Rawle.^^ 
 
 While Banty Emmons ^^ holds the sponge. 
 
 And cries, "Dawawn't lick me," 
 When young McCormick ^^ makes attack 
 
 Upon his dignity. 
 
 Sidney Breese is always famous for adherence to the 
 
 truth. 
 And he does n 't mind conversing on the subject of his 
 
 tooth ; 
 He takes it out quite cheerfully and shows it to his 
 
 friends, 
 And keeps it on his bureau among other odds and 
 
 ends. 
 
 But the other day he lost it, and his worriment, I 'm 
 told. 
 
 As he sought 'neath bed and bath-tub, was most pain- 
 ful to behold; 
 
 He 'd cherished it like Minturn's watch or like some 
 keepsake locket. 
 
 But just as he had given up, he found it in his pocket. 
 
 Addie Humps! Addie Humps! a continual shriek, 
 These days at the School we must mention. 
 
 It is n't Choctaw and I know it 's not Greek, 
 Mr. Skarstrom's new call to attention. 
 
 You should see his gymnasium classes some day 
 
 When there 's kicking and jumping Buck., 
 
 [ 200 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1897 
 
 Not a bit of allowance is made for your age, 
 But you somehow get through with good luck. 
 
 In that floor-stretching motion poor Richards gets cast. 
 And has got to be helped to his feet, and a riddle 
 
 It is as to what that strange boy has done last. 
 The loose-jointed and absent-of-mind Rip Van 
 Biddle. 
 
 We 're very much straighter at last than we were. 
 And for that we 're in debt to our Swedish Instructor; 
 On the road to sound health and strength physical, 
 
 sir. 
 You have been a most helpful and pleasant conductor. 
 
 There is a handsome stripling and the glory of his 
 
 Form, 
 And at managing the sliding-seat I tell you he is 
 
 warm; 
 He may not make the Varsity at college, he admits. 
 But then he knows of other boats wherein the athlete 
 
 sits. 
 
 '^Can it be possible," says Jack, "you 've never heard 
 
 them tell 
 There are such things as Freshman boats that often 
 
 do quite well.^ " 
 "The Varsity," says Minturn, " may not know where 
 
 it is at. 
 But there is left the Freshman boat — I '11 row four 
 
 years in that." 
 
 [ 201 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I 've oft heard visitors exclaim 
 
 Upon the beauty rare 
 Of Groton landscape and the Joy 
 
 Of breathing Groton air. 
 
 But in our Upper Sixth you 've found 
 
 A truly lovely picture. 
 That is, unless the owner 's run 
 
 Amuck and nearly licked yer. 
 
 Notice the atmosphere of Joy, 
 
 Observe the Ivy ^^ twining. 
 Just what the work of art depicts 
 
 Is wholly past divining. 
 
 Shrube Devens is held quite a musical shark. 
 
 We 've all of us heard him warble ; 
 He knows Wagner and Schubert apart in the dark, 
 
 And if they the truth don't garble. 
 
 They say his excitement this evening was great 
 As he took in with rapture each tune; 
 
 But he fervently begged that his neighbour would 
 state 
 Who was it who played the cocoon. 
 
 [ 202 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ J. R. Srvari. 
 
 2 Roger A. Derby. 
 
 3 S. N. Hinckley. 
 ^ John Richards. 
 5 L. Starr, Jr. 
 
 « E. G. Chadwick. 
 
 ^ Mr. Skarstrom's Stall bars. 
 
 8 F. B. Riggs. 
 
 ^ A. Swann. 
 
 10 H. L. Whitridge. 
 
 11 Craivford and Wendell Blagden and W. Grosvenor. 
 
 12 F. Meredith Blagden. 
 
 13 E. Motley. 
 
 14 J. H. Smith. 
 
 1^ Moncure Biddle. 
 
 16 Compulsory retirement to bed in Infirmary. 
 
 1"^ A. Grade King. 
 
 18 H. Rawle. 
 
 19 N.Emmons — the Bantam Chi-icken. 
 
 20 C. B. McCormick. 
 
 21 R. H. I. Goddard — attentive to a fair neighbour. 
 
 [ 203 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 1898 
 
 WHEN the bloom is on the apple. 
 And the field beside the chapel 
 Once more echoes with enthusiastic cheers, 
 I *m reminded of my duty 
 To compose a rhyme of beauty 
 
 As I 've done so many times these fourteen years. 
 
 When the oyster feast is ended^ 
 And each belt a bit distended. 
 
 And the leafy crowns are hanging somewhat lax, 
 When you 're satisfied with stuffin'. 
 And you 've put more than enough in. 
 
 You 're invited to consider certain facts. 
 
 There 's an awful lot to talk about, 
 I only have to walk about 
 
 Collecting the material for my mince; 
 But I find the whole collection 
 Turns out after close inspection 
 
 To be little else than one vast squib on Prince.^ 
 
 The new kids are a legion. 
 And they permeate the region. 
 
 And no doubt they 're very laughable each one ; 
 But whene'er I ask a question, 
 I receive the same suggestion, 
 
 Freddie Prince, oh, have you heard what he has 
 done ? 
 
 [ 205 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 This extraordinary being 
 
 Goes to sleep when you 're not seeing — 
 
 The Rector hurls a book which gives some pain ; 
 But the very moment after^ 
 In the midst of all the laughter, 
 
 He sweetly smiles and just drops off again. 
 
 Though upside down they stand him, 
 And a seat uneasy hand him. 
 
 In spite of warning kick or timely cough; 
 Though they treat him as a loafer. 
 Though they prop him on a sofa. 
 
 It's no use, he is always dropping off. 
 
 On one foot he wears a slipper, 
 Arctic on the other flipper, 
 
 I pitied him and asked the cause what was it? 
 "Two pairs nabbed by the old feller 
 What keeps order in the cellar. 
 
 And the rest were in the consecration closet." 
 
 "The man what runs the music 
 
 Says his singing would make you sick. 
 
 He isn't any use, his name is Mud;" 
 So his sojourn in the Choir 
 Was, he feared, a failure dire. 
 
 And he dropped it with a fairly hasty thud. 
 
 "The Revenue what preaches," 
 And the other man what teaches. 
 
 Made him look and find the value of twice zero. 
 
 [ 206 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1898 
 
 He thinks the name you spell 
 Double E-y-r-a-1, 
 
 But he 's certain that you must projiounce it hero. 
 
 I wondered as I glanced along the list 
 Of names I had selected for my verse, 
 
 If some one even quainter could exist, 
 I found I simply went from bad to worse. 
 
 A youth I saw of open mien and frank. 
 
 Expansive, beaming, protoplasmic Heaton''^; 
 
 And in his hand he held an order-blank, 
 A blank indeed, for not a word was writ on. 
 
 This youth, it seems, was trying to procure 
 From Mr. Gushing' s shop a large inflator 
 
 With which to blow himself up, for the poor 
 Young thing was thinner than a peeled potater. 
 
 While sauntering the other day 
 
 Through quiet study hall, 
 I noticed that the Sixth Form talk 
 
 Ran wholly upon ball. 
 
 "Ah, now," said I, "I '11 get some points 
 Concerning pigskin hunting. 
 
 Concerning Brown's or Minturn's runs, 
 Or Tiny Biggs' s^ punting." 
 
 But no, I found to my dismay 
 It was n't that at all. 
 [ 207 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The Sixth Form's minds were running on 
 Another kind of ball, — 
 
 A ball where maidens fair are found, 
 The pastimes of last summer. 
 
 Upon which ball field I am told 
 Dick Derby wooed a hummer. 
 
 She thought he was a Freshman grand — 
 
 At least, so some one said; 
 But when she found where she was at. 
 
 This lady cut him dead. 
 
 They told how Philip Wharton said 
 
 He could n't go to sail; 
 It was n't that he was n't big. 
 
 Nor dared not face the gale; 
 
 That future Groton youth is brave. 
 He steers and reefs and furls. 
 
 But there 's no room for such as he — 
 "Willie takes out the girls." 
 
 They told of Minturn, how he took 
 
 Two hours to two miles. 
 That secret long casino path 
 
 With frequent waits 'tween whiles. 
 
 They told me how his cousin Hugh 
 
 Counts his affairs by dozens; 
 How all the girls in Murray Bay 
 
 He claims are just his cousins. 
 [ 208 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1898 
 
 How Waterbury would n't go. 
 
 With Mr. B. as witness, 
 To help him tie the nuptial knot, 
 
 In spite of his marked fitness. 
 
 'T was not worth while unless he could 
 
 The blushing bride salute. 
 But Whitridge stepped up like a man — 
 
 Yes, Collie is a beaut. 
 
 He wanted to inspect "the Road,"* 
 
 And that was why he went. 
 Craighead inspects the selfsame road 
 
 On engineering bent. 
 
 They told how Jackson gave away 
 
 School ribbons to a dame 
 Of certain age who rescued him 
 
 When he in peril came. 
 
 How Lord ^ can't bear to talk to girls, 
 "He gets so darned familiar." 
 
 And Morin Hare his lady fair 
 Describes in terms to kill yer. 
 
 She has an Irish upper lip, 
 
 A graceful Jewish nose. 
 And likewise upon either cheek 
 
 A dainty whisker grows. 
 
 That Loving-kindness Turkey Low^ 
 Adores a fair soprano. 
 [ 209 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And, oh, Markoe can ne'er forget 
 His own dark maid of Arno. 
 
 She sought him over Alpine snow. 
 
 This Signorina haughty. 
 Barefoot she went to meet her beau, 
 
 The Princess PilHcotti. 
 
 Oh, sing to me heigh diddle Biddle, 
 
 And sing how he drops on the ball, 
 And sing how he smote Brittle Little,"^ 
 
 Who stood on his head in the hall. 
 
 By the overturned foeman he lingers. 
 And whispered, "Oh, can he be dead?" 
 
 He placed on the corpse his two jfingers, 
 And ^^down" was the word that he said. 
 
 "Down, down, down, down," cries Biddle, 
 "That makes four downs, 'tis known: 
 
 To enlarge my chest when I take the strength test 
 I indulge in massage with cologne." 
 
 The curly-haired black Leetle Beetle ^ 
 
 Inherits this fierceness of race ; 
 He came near being hanged for the murder 
 
 Of a coachman who worked on the place. 
 
 He held up a dagger beneath him — 
 
 "Sit, Charles, sit," cried this juvenile thug. 
 
 Charles sat — to the rapture unfeigned 
 Of tiny black Beetle, the Bug. 
 [ 210 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1898 
 
 Little Bayard Sturgis, 
 Sitting 'neath the pump, 
 ^ Scorning it, defying it, 
 
 Calling you a chump. 
 
 Heed the fate of Thorndike, 
 
 Pumped by Mr. Nutter, 
 Or the lot in store for you 
 
 I refrain to utter. 
 
 Mr. Woods has asked him — 
 
 Just to write him out 
 Six or seven hundred stars 
 
 At a single bout. 
 
 Up and at him, Sturgis — 
 Smite him, that's the stuff; 
 
 If you punch him in the head 
 He '11 see stars enough. 
 
 'Twas once a privilege to dwell — how foolish — 
 In swell apartments in the Country Club.^ 
 
 The discipline was — well was rather Coolidge, 
 And there was lots of chance for secret grub. 
 
 In days gone by 't was thought the house was haunted. 
 Some rat or cat upstairs, some pig below. 
 
 'T was never seen, we only took for granted. 
 It was a ghost, and so thought Bigelow.^^ 
 
 But, oh, the terror when the phantom seized him 
 With iron fist, and large and larger grew; 
 [ 211 1 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He leaped from bed and 'mid the awe that freezed 
 him 
 Beheld the fearsome features of Markoe. 
 
 Since then, he sleeps not, smiles not, laughs not, eats 
 not. 
 
 An indigestion is his one excuse ; 
 Such risks he thinks a kind that one repeats not; 
 
 For Country Clubs he has no further use. 
 
 Chickadee, dee, dee. 
 
 Up in a twee. 
 My wipsome, wopsome, willy willy woan. 
 
 My twinxome, twanxome thwush. 
 
 My diminutive end wush. 
 My woUicking and weesome twee Toad Sloane.^^ 
 
 When Charlie Brown, big Charles I mean. 
 Was staying down at Quogue, 
 
 It chanced one eve an ancient dame 
 Fell headlong in a bog. 
 
 Gordon and Charlie heard her shrieks. 
 
 Ran at her wild alarms; 
 They gave a yank, the dame came out. 
 
 And swooned in Charlie's arras. 
 
 Then Charlie turned from Brown to red. 
 
 But, ah, this damsel ripe 
 Found it too dark to see his face. 
 
 So Gordon ^^ got the pipe. 
 [ 212 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1898 
 
 Old man Scrooge/^ 
 He deals in Rouge 
 
 And rich tonsorial cream. 
 And Sidney Breese his treatment took — 
 
 It acted like a dream. 
 
 Screw Cryder scarce a drop had poured, 
 Made Breese his head in vain bow. 
 
 When with a leap his hair did sprout. 
 All colours of the rainbow. 
 
 He seized on Friday's Psyche ^* knot. 
 
 One which none dares insult. 
 He said 'twas bear's grease of the best; 
 
 But look at the result. 
 
 There are two strange Whitneys lately come, 
 
 A thin one and a fat.^^ 
 The fat one finds our football slow 
 
 And rather dull at that. 
 
 Accordingly he does n't feel 
 
 He 's called upon to cheer. 
 But let him heed, thin Whitney 's found 
 
 A place for him next year. 
 
 For in the building going up 
 
 Are sundry horrid spaces. 
 Which Whitney (thin) thinks just the thing 
 
 For similar disgraces. 
 
 [ 213 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He 's sure these holes are nothing else 
 
 Than boot-boxes enormous. 
 Enough for fat men who won't cheer 
 
 Even when Second Formers. 
 
 When Blubber ^^ visited the coast 
 They thought that he was Spanish; 
 
 Well, his complexion, I admit. 
 Is rather black-and-tannish. 
 
 He felt his little brother's ^"^ pulse. 
 
 And with a face appalled. 
 Said, "You are ill and your complaint 
 
 Is diagnosis called." 
 
 They sailed away for Labrador, 
 
 Then Lloyd began to quake ; 
 He seemed to find much interest 
 
 In gazing at the wake. 
 
 "Alas," said he, "I feel so faint. 
 My cheeks have lost their roses. 
 
 Say, brother, do you really think 
 That this is diagnosis?" 
 
 Speaking of strength tests, have you heard 
 Frank Sargent's eager question. 
 
 When Mr. Richards bade him heed 
 His very kind suggestion? 
 
 ^'When at the lifting test be sure 
 You 're careful not to haul 
 
 [ 214 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1898 
 
 So hard that you are hoisted off 
 The ground both feet and all." 
 
 Said Sargent, '^Is it really true 
 That sometimes men can be 
 
 So very, very strong as that — 
 Might it occur to me?" 
 
 I fain would indulge in a lengthier rhyme. 
 But to do so I fear would consume too much time. 
 To tell of the nicknames your wisdom bestows 
 On new boys, and old boys, as every one knows; 
 
 The good ones and poor ones to carefully winnow, 
 To decide whether little Fish should be called Min- 
 now, 
 Or just be called Saturday or Psycholetta, 
 Or whether just Fisholene might not be better? 
 
 And perhaps a good name 
 
 For young Breeselet the small 
 
 Would be just The Zephyr, 
 Or even The Squall. 
 
 To choose for young Pierrepont ^^ some nickname like 
 
 Subs. 
 Lloyd Derby would fain be diminutive Blubs. 
 Should the new Ladd from Texas be simply named 
 
 Laddie ? 
 And should the young golfer Charles Brown be called 
 
 Caddie? 
 
 [ 215 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Would Button Head Billy ^^ be happy as Buttons ? 
 And would Mr. Abbott be glad to be Muttons? 
 I 'd tell of McCormick ^^ so startlingly plain 
 That the sight of his face once arrested a train. 
 
 I 'd sing of young Higginson's ^^ necktie display. 
 How he never puts on more than two in one day; 
 How Swan went to sleep just when School had begun, 
 And did n't appear till a month was nigh run. 
 
 Of the strange little demon beneath the School stair 
 Who published the banns 'twixt the innocent pair: 
 Thomaso Henricus Powerius Farr, 
 And Gracie/2 and lots upon lots about Starr. 
 
 Of Hinckley the younger who sat on a cheese. 
 
 So strong that it held him with infinite ease. 
 
 How Hadden's^^ bust nose really caused him some 
 pain. 
 
 And how Hammy^* drinks only the wettest cham- 
 pagne. 
 
 How Thorndike 's too light for to play on the first, 
 How Weaky got strong till his shirt collar burst. 
 I 'd describe Mr. Jefferson's India bowls 
 Made in England — but well, I will spare these poor 
 souls. 
 
 And just a farewell for the present I '11 say. 
 And wish many happy returns of the day. 
 
 [ 216 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ F. H. Prince, Jr. 
 
 2 Perry Heaton. 
 
 3 F. B. Riggs. 
 
 * Leading north from G. S. 
 
 5 /. C. Lord. 
 
 ^ G. C. W. Low — brought up at home on loving-kindness. 
 
 ■^ P. Little. 
 
 8 G. Biddle. 
 
 ^ Upper apartments in Brooks House. 
 
 1^ Cleveland Bigelow. 
 
 11 M. D. Sloane. 
 
 12 Tobacco pipe sent in gratitude to F. G. and C. T. 
 Brown. 
 
 1^ Ogden Cryder. 
 
 1* Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. — Friday-Fish, or Psyche. 
 
 15 George and James S. Whitney. 
 
 1^ Roger A. Derby. 
 
 1"^ J. Lloyd Derby. 
 
 18 S. L. Pierrepont. 
 
 1^ W. Grosvenor. 
 
 2^ Chauncey B. McCormick. 
 
 21 /. /. Higginson. 
 
 22 A. G. King. 
 
 23 W. A. Hadden. 
 2* G. Brooks. 
 
 [ 217 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 1898 
 
 The papers that we read are full of talk about expan- 
 sion. 
 
 But for a marvellous example contemplate this man- 
 sion. 
 
 It does n't seem to terrify the hostess in the least. 
 
 Whether the School has fifty boys to celebrate the 
 feast. 
 
 Or nearly thrice that number; be it hundreds, be it 
 
 ones. 
 It only is a question of some more ice cream and buns. 
 The School is growing older and the School is growing 
 
 bigger. 
 Our little Dan is 'most a man, our chirpy Sixth Form 
 
 nigger.^ 
 
 And Riggs, though once diminutive, or so his nurse 
 
 declares. 
 When standing in the cellar finds his head some flights 
 
 upstairs ; 
 And even you, O brother bard, are certainly not 
 
 smaller. 
 And with a wig to make me big, I also should be 
 
 taller. 
 
 But time may go and we may grow, it makes no sort 
 
 of trouble. 
 The Homestead's smile is twice as wide, its welcome, 
 
 too, is double. 
 
 [ 219 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The Christmas log burns brighter yet, the greens look 
 
 even greener. 
 The hostess even charminger than we before have 
 
 seen her. 
 And though our hearts will not forget the merry 
 
 times of old. 
 We write the record of to-night in extra brilliant 
 
 gold. 
 
 Well, Oracle, here at the Homestead again 
 We stand in these halls where we sung 
 
 Our questions and answers so long ago when 
 You and I and the others were young. 
 
 And now we will sing some new squibs for the 
 boys. 
 We 're glad they continue to ask. 
 And we '11 add what we can at this time to their 
 
 joys; 
 
 It 's a part of our regular task. 
 
 This annual concert 's the fun of the year 
 
 For all of us now at the School. 
 And some graduates, too, it is not very queer 
 
 To turn up here make it a rule. 
 
 I remember a Yale man a few years ago — 
 I 've forgotten just now who it was — 
 
 Appeared without warning, so much indeed so 
 I asked him to tell me the cause. 
 
 [ 220 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 He answered he knew he had come a long way. 
 And that while he was fond of the place. 
 
 That was n't the motive that brought him, to say 
 That it was so he had n't the face. 
 
 At New Haven he 'd hurried to do everything. 
 
 And then he had got out his bag, 
 And come to entreat Mrs. Lawrence to sing 
 
 That glorious Tennessee Flag. 
 
 Here 's a question to answer, my erudite sage. 
 
 The matter has bothered me much; 
 But I 'm always quite sure that a man of your age 
 
 Understands every mystery such. 
 
 Tell me why is it true that American Schools 
 Are so different — their purpose and aim 
 
 Are similar quite — and so, too, are their rules. 
 And the eye mark they take is the same. 
 
 For example, Southborough 's not like us up here 
 (There 's a school in that township, you know); 
 
 Their idea of sport and their standard is queer. 
 I don't mean at all that it 's slow. 
 
 They discountenance football, for instance, while we 
 All prefer it — but argument's futile; 
 
 Little science in games such as that can they see. 
 And matches they call very brutal. 
 
 They have no objection in gen'ral to sport. 
 But they don't care for this sport at all. 
 [ 221 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Apparently golf and such things are their forte^ 
 And they show quite a knack at baseball. 
 
 Now such things as those seem to us very tame — 
 Rather slow; their attractions are few; 
 
 But we ' ve always been fond of our great autumn game — 
 Why doesn't St. Mark's love it too.'*^ 
 
 Ah, but boys must be able in case of defeat 
 
 On the spot to recall to their mind 
 Some games in past seasons that they themselves beat. 
 
 So as hope for the future to find. 
 
 And St. Mark's you and I even see — it is sad — 
 Haven't any such hope — do not laugh. 
 
 They only have won in the past — it 's too bad — 
 Out of twelve matches, two and a half. 
 
 This autumn if Aleck ^ had only been slow. 
 And Jack * had n't kicked quite so straight. 
 
 They say that to win they 'd have had a fair show; 
 But, however, it now is too late. 
 
 We thought through the fall of our invalid team 
 
 As it got invalider each day. 
 And we feared it had not in reserve enough steam ' 
 
 For one half very fiercely to play. 
 
 But November the second they came on the field. 
 And forgot all their pains and their aches; 
 
 At the referee's whistle their sweaters they peeled. 
 And their injuries seemed to be fakes. 
 
 [ 222 ] . 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 For Jack had no throbbing pain up in his head, 
 
 Harry's ^ hip was in need of no aid. 
 And as for that harnessed-up shoulder of Ned® — 
 
 Do you remember the tackle he made? 
 
 No boy in the game was much hurt, and we had 
 
 No need to call in the reserves. 
 At times during play, though, they felt pretty bad, 
 
 And Charlie Brown shattered his nerves. 
 
 The result at the end was eleven to six; 
 
 We suppose that it might have been more; 
 But crippled so much we were in a bad fix. 
 
 And we 're satisfied quite with the score. 
 
 We 're sorry, dear Jack, that you now have got through ; 
 
 We should like to keep such fellows nigh; 
 May success in life's greater things still go with you 
 
 And your team — so we wish you good-bye. 
 
 Now we 're looking for wonders from Captain Eugene.^ 
 
 He '11 win if he can, and he ought. 
 He has veterans tried and new candidates keen, 
 
 And he 's certain of Gro ton's support. 
 
 But speaking of captains and giving them praise, 
 We must see that we do not encroach 
 
 On the merit that in many indirect ways 
 Belongs to the hard-working coach. 
 
 A coach rarely 's specially strong in physique. 
 But his business he never will shirk ; 
 
 [ 223 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He performs conscientiously, even though weak. 
 All his burdensome ^ hack-aching work. 
 
 Yale College — and now quite in earnest I am — 
 May have Walter, her greatest Eli, 
 
 And Harvard in confidence cling to her Cam,^ 
 If Groton may keep her own Guy. 
 
 Oh, what will Arthur Swann do 
 Through all the long vacation.'* 
 
 Will skating on a pond do 
 For Christmas recreation .f* 
 
 Or will he do as others do 
 
 And swoop upon New York, 
 And how the little brothers do 
 
 With sisters will he talk.^* 
 
 Or will he go to Washington 
 And see that town's delights.'' 
 
 The famous library that 's there 
 And all the famous sights? 
 
 Oh, yes, he '11 take the whole thing in, 
 
 A dollar you can bet. 
 Especially the parties where 
 
 They dance the mignonette. 
 
 And Congress's great library, 
 
 A building truly national, 
 'T will be a pious sight to see. 
 
 It is so congregational. 
 
 [ 224 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 Blubber Dubber ^^ 's going to sea, 
 Silver buckles on his knee; 
 Admiral, at least, he '11 be. 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber. 
 
 In the distant Philippines, 
 He '11 command our new marines ; 
 Breaking hearts of Malay queens. 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber. 
 
 What's he going to do it for? 
 Is n't he well off ashore. 
 Selling stocks or grinding law. 
 Like a born landlubber.? 
 
 Is n't it enough to reach 
 Not the ocean, but the beach. 
 As a pebble or a peach. 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber.'* 
 
 No, you see that mathematics. 
 Conic sections and quadratics. 
 Throw him into such ecstatics. 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber, 
 
 That he wants to serve the nation. 
 Showing problem or equation. 
 As applied to navigation. 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber. 
 
 He would fain among the Fijis 
 Pepper forts and manage sieges, 
 [ 225 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Scrubbing decks with bloody squeegees, 
 Scrub her. Blubber, scrub her! 
 
 Like his grandsire, who he swore 
 Lived on man meat at Samoa, 
 Blubber, too, would like some more, 
 Pretty Blubber Dubber. 
 
 Tell me, Oracle, what are these noises we hear 
 Everywhere in the houses these days? 
 
 They sound very weird and capricious and queer. 
 Is the School getting into bad ways ? 
 
 Down the library wing in the big house by day. 
 
 And in the old building at night. 
 You hear "thoo tha thay, thoo tha thay, thoo tha 
 thay" — 
 
 Are there people that do it for spite? 
 
 Why, if a Schoolmaster a heavy voice owns, — 
 
 For control is a question of voice, — 
 He sees that an order pronounced in deep tones 
 
 Does n't leave to a boy any choice. 
 
 So the Masters at Groton are learning to sjng. 
 And the sounds that they make are quite queer; 
 
 But their voices are getting a musical ring 
 That is really a pleasure to hear. 
 
 There 's a danger that black marks tho', we are afraid. 
 If applied in a sugary tone, 
 [ 226 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 Will be very much less of a punishment made. 
 And to mischief the boys will be prone. 
 
 A boy probably now will excite a big row 
 
 And possibly try to show cheek; 
 And purposely get misdemeanour marks now 
 
 That a honey-voiced Master may speak. 
 
 By the way, now we 're speaking about a good voice. 
 
 It is k propos just at this place — 
 If a man were informed he 'd be given his choice 
 
 Should he choose a good tenor or bass? 
 
 Lydig Hoyt, he can tell you — 't is said he confessed 
 
 As he looked our society o'er. 
 Though himself fond of bass, that a tenor was best. 
 
 You attract all the ladies far more. 
 
 Shivering Ben Moseley, 
 
 Shaking on the stoop 
 Of the cold gymnasium. 
 
 Catching grippe or croup. 
 
 Wherefore does he cower so? 
 
 What can ail the lad? 
 Walking apparatus so 
 
 Very lightly clad. 
 
 Ben was doing exercise 
 
 Of the Swedish nation. 
 Knickybocks got whisked away 
 
 Into confiscation. 
 
 [ 227 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Mr. Skarstrom then departs. 
 
 Takes the train for Boston; 
 Therefore, Ben appears in clothes 
 
 Somewhat Hghtly tossed on. 
 
 Poor Harry Markoe was feeling blue; 
 
 What ailed the luckless feller? 
 I 've heard it said as he tossed in bed. 
 
 He raved about Isa . 
 
 You visited him, the rumour runs, 
 As he lay in the quarters cheerful 
 
 They call the Infirmary — popular spot — 
 Did you find his condition fearful? 
 
 I took his hand and felt his pulse, 
 "Poor boy, what symptoms ail yer?" 
 
 "'Tis nothing," he moaned, "I 'm afflicted with 
 A plain case of heart failure." 
 
 I wish to make a catalogue 
 
 Of Varsity affairs — 
 A list of all the graduates. 
 
 The captains and the players. 
 
 'T would be a very lengthy list 
 
 To get in all the heroes — 
 The deeds they've done, the races won. 
 
 The seventeens to zeros.^^ 
 
 Now whom do you advise me to 
 Consult on these details? 
 [ 228 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 Who is the great authority. 
 Whose memory never fails? 
 
 Ask fiery Jack, young Higginson, 
 
 The fighter and authority. 
 This athlete crank can rattle off 
 
 In order of seniority. 
 
 Extending back full fifteen years, 
 
 'Mid thunders of applause. 
 The glorious roll with date and times 
 
 And all the glorious scores. 
 
 Have you any idea why the head of the School 
 Refuses to wear riding gaiters these days.^* 
 
 I know in the saddle 't was always his rule 
 
 To wear them — then where did he get his new ways? 
 
 I *ve noticed the same thing exactly as you. 
 
 And I think that I know the entire reason why — 
 
 A stranger appeared on the grounds just a few 
 Days ago, and since then of that dress he's been shy. 
 
 The stranger he looked at the Head Master grim. 
 And examined his gaiters with care. "If I can 
 
 I must speak to the janitor of the School Gym," 
 So he said — "Ah, it 's likely that you are the man." 
 
 When Gaspar Bacon goes to bed 
 And idle dreams do fill his head. 
 The foolish little goosey, 
 [ 229 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Do you suppose he 's feeling lonely. 
 Or is it heavy breathing only 
 
 That makes him murmur "Lucy"? 
 
 Oh, no, 't is no surprising fact 
 
 If you could see how some folks act. 
 
 Throughout the livelong day. 
 Charles Appleton and Auchincloss 
 And Browny, you 'd not be at loss 
 
 At aught that he may say. 
 
 If A 12 loves D and tells to B 
 
 The state of C's aiFections, 
 No wonder B should mention names 
 
 In slumber's recollections. 
 
 'T is but a sum in algebra 
 
 That 's running in their head ; 
 
 These love-sick swains their alphabet 
 Repeat each night in bed. 
 
 And each in turn one photograph 
 Beneath his pillow places; 
 
 They pass it round and dream of it — 
 I wonder whose the face is.'' 
 
 Oh, have you heard the style of thing 
 That wily Woolsey wears.'' ^^ 
 
 How his binomial biceps are 
 Encased from winter airs ? 
 
 [ 230 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 I know that Linzee Woolsey is 
 
 A kind of fuzzy stuff. 
 But for the cruel winter term 
 
 'T is smrely not enough. 
 
 Oh, yes, his shapely person. 
 
 From collar down to toes. 
 From heels to head, is swathed in red 
 
 Tomato underclothes. 
 
 T'other day people say there was glorious fun 
 At the pond — were things there in bad straits? 
 
 Or why did the fellows come down on a run. 
 Not to see Texas' brother ^^ on skates.'^ 
 
 Yes, that I can tell you was sport quite enough. 
 Though William he called it not nice; 
 
 On the Western prairies — that's why it seemed 
 rough — 
 He informs us they never have ice. 
 
 A sandy young man, so he joined the first squad. 
 But their pace was too fast, "dear me suz!" 
 
 He muttered, "What chance for one's life in the 
 horde ? 
 Good gracious, and how they do buzz." 
 
 But swifter and swifter they seemed to fly round 
 
 Until all bewildered he grew; 
 And he yelled when a friendly visage he found, 
 
 "Mr. Abbott, oh, save me — won't you.-*" 
 [ 231 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Have you noticed Polly Wharton ?^^ 
 He 's the oddest thing in Groton; 
 He wanders round distracted through 
 the halls. 
 He hunts in every cranny 
 Like a regular old granny. 
 
 And examines all the chinks in all the 
 walls. 
 
 With a most distracted air 
 He will overturn his chair. 
 
 And say he 's only hunting for some 
 spiders. 
 His locks are wild and shaggy, 
 And his pants are getting baggy. 
 
 And he '11 soon be growing quite a pair 
 of siders. 
 
 Don't worry, brother poet. 
 
 He 's all right, though he don't know it. 
 
 He's only lost his antiquated hat. 
 Santa Claus to get the size 
 Stole it 'neath his very eyes. 
 
 And his Christmas stocking will take care 
 of that. 
 
 And next term his dormitory 
 When he comes in all his glory. 
 
 And they hear his deep bass voice and 
 warning cough, 
 
 [ 232 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 Shall quake when he displays it. 
 And on his head arrays it. 
 
 When he goes to bed and kicks his slippers off, 
 
 Sam Crocker wants to buy, please, 
 
 A belt of Groton colours, 
 A piece he 'd like to try, please. 
 
 Not worth too many dollars. 
 
 Now tell me, brother songster. 
 
 How big a strip would span 
 The waistband that belongs ter 
 
 The friend of this young man? 
 
 He surely must have tested 
 
 And probably knows well. 
 Perhaps the friend requested 
 
 That Sammy would n't tell. 
 
 But really now he can't, sir. 
 
 Conceal it from a bard; 
 The tintype gives the answer. 
 
 The measure 's just one yard. 
 
 Mr. Sturgis was absent from Groton ^one week 
 And we know not what he was a-doing. 
 
 Johnny Richards, however, and some of his clique 
 Said they guessed that he 'd gone off a- wooing. 
 
 Now Johnny's so expert, I don't take his word — 
 Was it nothing but gossipy talk.^* 
 
 [ 233 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Has there anything happened, or what have 
 you heard 
 Of the luck that he had in New York? 
 
 Yes, Johnny was right, he was off on a search 
 For, something too scarce here, — a wife. 
 
 Quite successful he was and not left in the lurch. 
 He found one to tie to for life. 
 
 There 's one point in the matter that I would 
 remark : 
 Any man can be secret who tries. 
 You kept all your friends, Warrie, quite in the 
 dark. 
 The announcement was such a surprise. 
 
 At last we congratulate now that we may. 
 And while we perceive your consarns 
 
 Are your private affairs, yet at least we can say 
 She belongs to all Groton, Miss Barnes. 
 
 Will you give her a welcome for us, if you please, 
 
 We promise she '11 love it up here. 
 And she '11 learn just as we have learned all of 
 these years 
 
 Our surroundings to hold very dear. 
 
 While wandering in study hall 
 
 I observed a scene of ruin — 
 The pictures nicked, holes punched in the wall. 
 
 What have the boys been doing.? 
 
 [ 234 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1898 
 
 I timidly venture to thrust my head 
 
 In the Senior Prefect's door^ 
 To find him doubtless absorbed in Greek 
 
 Or some such improving lore. 
 
 But no, my head I had scarce thrust in 
 
 When I hurriedly drew it back 
 In time to escape a sudden death 
 
 From the innocent hands of Jack.^® 
 
 For round like a windmill his weapon flew — 
 
 My ear it had barely missed. 
 What do you suppose our Prefect's at.'' 
 
 Is he trying to limber his wrist? 
 
 Ah no, he 's afflicted, he 's slightly daft. 
 
 So we just shut him up in there. 
 And give him a driver and just let him loose 
 
 To make slices and pulls at the air. 
 
 He mutters in language uncouth and weird 
 About putting holes, where can he dig 'em? 
 
 He never reads Homer or Shakespeare or Scott, 
 He murmurs quotations from Whigham. 
 
 W^hile off in a comer there cowers Monsieur,^"^ 
 And dodges and ducks and quivers. 
 
 While Jack is expounding some point, observe. 
 Of the merits of rival drivers. 
 
 I 'd like, if I had time, to ask 
 A lot of other questions; 
 
 [ 285 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And get my brother bard's advice 
 And many kind suggestions. 
 
 I 'd like to know what happened when 
 
 Jack Peabody, 'tis said^ 
 Once took a drive with a fair maid 
 
 Until his horse fell dead. 
 
 I 'd also, for Luigi's ^^ sake. 
 
 Be very glad to see 
 If next year's first eleven pads 
 
 Quite thick enough will be. 
 
 For Perry Osborn's sake I 'd ask — 
 To keep him in the dark — 
 
 How many latenesses it takes 
 To equal one black mark.? 
 
 To ascertain the final fate 
 Of Richards who got stuck. 
 
 When cruel brethren bootboxed him, 
 And left him there for luck. 
 
 But I really must stop, 
 
 I am ready to drop. 
 
 To all a good-night 
 
 And holidays bright. 
 Merry Christmas to all and a glad Christmas greeting. 
 So farewell to you now till our next merry meeting. 
 
 [ 236 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Nigger Dan — G. Draper. 
 
 ^ Eleven to six. 
 
 ^ A. Craighead. 
 
 * J. C. Waterbury. 
 
 5 H. S. Hooker. 
 
 ^ E. Bowditch, Jr. — later knorvn at Harvard as Peter the 
 
 Great, Czar of all the Rushers. 
 7 E. V. R. Thayer, Jr. 
 ^ Head Coach Ayr ault suffered cruelly from his hack about 
 
 this time. 
 ^ Cameron Forbes — Head Coach at Harvard. Walter 
 
 Camp — Head Coach at Yale. 
 ^^ Roger Derby. 
 
 11 B. H. Dibblees score against Yale. 
 ^^ A = Appleton. D=?B = Bacon. C= Charles S. Brown, 
 
 Jr. 
 13 H. M. Woolsey. 
 
 1* W. Ladd — brother of Texas Carolyn. 
 15 W. P. Wharton. 
 1^ /. C. Waterbury. 
 " H. DuPont. 
 18 L. H. W. DeKoven. 
 
 [ 237 ] 
 
GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 
 
 DINNER AT HOTEL SOMERSET 
 1899 
 
 I WONDER if you remember 
 The mystic sign K. I., 
 Which made the poor kid to tremble 
 And the fountains fill his eye? 
 
 Well, that was what came to me, sirs, 
 At a rather late hour last night. 
 
 From the Rector's study awful, — 
 An old-time Kompulsive Invite. 
 
 In consequence here you see me, 
 
 A crushed and broken thing; 
 He sentenced me without pity 
 
 To open my mouth and sing 
 
 A song in Groton's honour 
 
 At special request of Ben,^ 
 And I 've had three recitations 
 
 And a tooth pulled out since then. 
 
 So if my lines are hasty. 
 
 Pray think of the notice short, 
 
 You 've heard my rhymes by the thousand. 
 And these are the same old sort. 
 
 In modem times we hear much talk 
 Of needful annexation. 
 [ 239 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 From great to greater grew New York, 
 And so with this whole nation. 
 
 And thus to show as years go on 
 That old times are n't forgotten, 
 
 The Faculty hereby salute 
 You, of the Greater Groton. 
 
 And greater still as years go on 
 
 We, too, expect to grow. 
 Although subscriptions seem to come 
 
 Unusually slow. 
 
 Yet there are other kinds of growth 
 
 We celebrate to-night. 
 My girth, for instance, this past hour 
 
 Has made my waistband tight. 
 
 My heart enlarged has likewise been 
 
 By all these genialities. 
 By Harvard welcome. Harvard cheer, 
 
 And Harvard hospitalities. 
 
 Which leads me to remark whate'er 
 
 I think of Filipinners, 
 I heartily approve of this 
 
 Expansion via dinners. 
 
 So hoping I '11 be asked again. 
 
 And pretty fairly often, 
 I '11 mention half a dozen names 
 
 To get some squiblets off on. 
 [ 240 ] 
 
GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 1899 
 
 On such an occasion as this 
 One 's expected to reminisce, 
 So in memory fly to the days gone by. 
 The days of childhood's bhss. 
 
 Behold an animal fair. 
 The kids and the goats are there. 
 And Rex Haedorum, the King of the Kids,^ 
 Is occupying the chair. 
 
 I incline to think that it '11 
 Surprise you to know how brittle 
 And fragile a thing was this kidlets king, 
 In the days when we called him little. 
 
 Whoever 'd have thought it then 
 That he 'd come to be king of men. 
 That this chicken, this young un, this fat little 
 Onion, 
 Would succeed to the post of Ben.'*^ 
 
 Of Ben the midget who 
 On the msteenth twenty-two 
 Would wriggle and squirm like a Dibbleeized 
 worm — 
 A marvel at getting through. 
 
 Ah, who would believe to-day, 
 With his temples crowned with bay. 
 So handsome he 'd look in the Madam's scrap- 
 book — 
 And beneath what the newspapers say? 
 [ 241 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Of course, we always knew he 
 Whatever he tried would do; he 
 Was just that kind, but what words do we find? 
 He 's a greater hero than Dewey. 
 
 At this animals' fair the third 
 Was known as the Phililoo * Bird, 
 A very diminutive quaint little cuss 
 With intellect quite absurd. 
 
 And to-day when boys are blunderous, 
 And the skating is tempting under us, 
 A half holiday is declared straightway, 
 For Bayard's done something wondrous.^ 
 
 Besides the Phililoo, 
 Another Cutting, too. 
 Was known for his quips and his merry jests. 
 But he could n't add three and two. 
 
 And Haughty ^ could twirl the sphere 
 Even then in that early year, 
 And diminutive Doug '^ in those days could slug. 
 In those days forever dear 
 
 To my heart — why need I say, 
 For him who is far away.'' 
 Our gentle, unselfish Tiny Tim,^ 
 Ah, would he were here to-day. 
 
 The kids grow big, and in their places. 
 Behold, a row of genial faces. 
 [ 242 ] 
 
GROTON CLUB OF HARVARD 1899 
 
 Instead of Douglas, Ben and Walt/ 
 There's Bobo/« Pete,ii and Johnny Salt.^^ 
 
 Each in his several sphere is famed, 
 I meant the whole gang to have named. 
 To tell the history of each kid 
 From oldest graduate down to Bid.^^ 
 
 Describe the antics as a child 
 Of Grandpa ^* in the forests wild. 
 How little Rook ^^ was sometimes Huffy, 
 How very quaint indeed was Puffy. ^^ 
 
 Of Howard Gray and also Teddy ,^'^ 
 And of the tiny coxswain Steady. ^^ 
 How Farrington and Clark e'en then 
 On baseball fields were famous men. 
 
 Of Lawrences and Postlethwaite, 
 And Stanton Whitney's bustle weight. 
 I 'd turn out couplets in a jiffy 
 Describing Sully, Smokes or Miffy. 
 
 There 's lots and lots of things to tell 
 Of Black Dog, Shrube, or Bertie Bell. 
 I might immortalize the sins 
 Of the enchanting Motley twins. 
 
 But as I wrote this in the train, 
 I found that I must eke refrain. 
 For though the train was hardly fast. 
 It really did arrive at last. 
 
 [ 243 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And so I came to sudden end, 
 
 And now must ask my worthy friend 
 
 To make the Gone Club ^^ sing their ditty. 
 
 They 're gone from School, the more 's the pity. 
 
 [ 244 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 B. H. Dihhlee— President of G. C. of H. 
 
 ^ W. A. M. Burden — the Chickeji or Onion. 
 
 ^ Captain elect of Harvard University Eleven, vice B. H. 
 Dibblee, recejitly victorious over Yale. 
 
 ^ W. Bayard Cutting, Jr. 
 
 ^ John Harvard Scholarship and Half Holiday at Groton. 
 
 ^ P. D. Haughton — pitcher ifi 5-2 and 6—5 baseball games 
 vs. St. Mark's; later Captain of Harvard Varsity Nine. 
 
 '^ F. D. Cochrane. 
 
 ^ Clarke Thomson. 
 
 » W. L. Cutting. 
 1^ A. R. Sargent. 
 ^^ F. L. Higginson, Jr. 
 ^^ /, L. Saltonstall. 
 13 M. H. Birckhead. 
 1* D. F. Carpenter. 
 1^ R. S. Rainsford. 
 16 C. B. Curtis. 
 1'^ Edward Gray, Jr. 
 1^ J. W. Stedman. 
 
 1^ Successor of Groton Quartette and Predecessor of Go-on 
 Club and Go-aivay Club. 
 
 [ 245 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1899 
 
 Some fifteen years it was ago 
 
 A small and lusty brat 
 Arrived upon this scene of woe, 
 
 Healthy, and strong, and fat. 
 
 The friends and sponsors gathered round 
 Pronounced the child no fool. 
 
 The infant was, as you '11 have guessed. 
 None else than Groton School. 
 
 The Masters were a youthful three. 
 The dark one had no beard. ^ 
 
 The great one's ^ figure still was thin. 
 The third's ^ thick hair looked weird. 
 
 So thick that Carroll Greenough when 
 
 He saw our photograph 
 But yesterday said, "Who's that man.? 
 
 His topknot makes me laugh." 
 
 And one there was whose warning voice 
 Made all those Masters huiTy; 
 
 The School's presiding genius she. 
 Our Madam dear McMurray. 
 
 The infant grew, its prowess spread. 
 
 And in the dormitories 
 Have oft repeated been the tales 
 
 Of all its early glories. 
 [ 247 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Of Lancaster and Worcester town^ 
 
 Of fifty-two to zero. 
 Emmons and Ives and Popper Cross^ 
 
 And many another hero. 
 
 But finally it grew so great 
 
 That to a larger mansion 
 It had to move to celebrate 
 
 This era of expansion. 
 
 We moved last Wednesday from a scene 
 
 Of horrible compression. 
 And after many, many weeks. 
 
 At last we 're in possession. 
 
 The building/ I would have you note. 
 
 Has bunches of facilities 
 To give us scope to carry out 
 
 Our truly great abilities. 
 
 I 've got a room with walls so thick 
 That when I raise my voice — 
 
 A thing I very seldom do — 
 The Rector hears no noise. 
 
 And Mr. Abbott has been put 
 
 Some passages away. 
 His gentle whispering don't clash 
 
 With what / want to say. 
 
 No longer kids in school-room hours 
 Upon the floor are stood. 
 [ 248 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 Those brackets are the very thing 
 To stand on when not good. 
 
 And Mr. Griswold says at last 
 
 He 's got a lab'ratory. 
 In future, physics class will be 
 
 A very different story. 
 
 Ah, different indeed 't will be. 
 
 In fact, the only trouble 
 Appeared to be it is so big 
 
 He wishes he were double. 
 
 Accordingly he is resolved 
 
 No longer to stay single. 
 Hurrah, then, for the wedding bells. 
 
 And merry may they jingle ! 
 
 In Europe when we saw him not 
 
 His conduct was so sly 
 That when we heard of those boquets. 
 
 We winked the other eye. 
 
 We learned he 'd gone upon a tour, 
 
 A party of professors ; 
 But of their daughters not a word 
 
 Vouchsafed he to the guessers. 
 
 Ah, little did we reckon then — 
 How could we then divine — 
 
 That in a few short weeks we 'd hear 
 Th' enraptured cry, "She's mine!" 
 [ 249 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But when we saw his London clothes. 
 
 And noticed on his mouche 
 That extra twirl, we were prepared 
 
 To welcome Mrs. Push. 
 
 A royal welcome, too, we '11 give, 
 These halls with cheers will shake. 
 
 For judging by experience 
 
 When to themselves they take 
 
 A wife, the Faculty is blessed 
 
 With wonderful success. 
 The Bold ^ deserved the Fair he won — 
 
 So here 's to Mrs. S. 
 
 But you '11 wonder what I 'm doing 
 
 If I don't brace up and say 
 A thing or two about the kids. 
 
 The heroes of to-day. 
 
 For on these birthday festivals 
 The kids first learn with pain 
 
 What quaint young animals they are. 
 And don't do so again. 
 
 My usual course in composing these rhymes 
 Is to tackle my afternoon guests. 
 
 On Sundays and such other festival times. 
 And ask them for points and for jests. 
 
 Last Sunday, however, on trying this scheme, 
 I found when I entered my hall 
 [ 250 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 That the Third and Fourth Forms had just grabbed 
 at the grub, 
 And fled without making a call. 
 
 In future I must be compelled to rely. 
 
 When trying to get up my jokes. 
 On the heaviest eaters, who 're sure to stand by. 
 
 Such eaters, for instance, as Stokes. 
 
 For behaviour I 'm sure the First Form takes the cake. 
 
 Whatever the Third Form may do. 
 Why, Prince ^ thinks so much of these afternoon teas 
 
 That he 's nicknamed me Mr. Googoo. 
 
 And Hadden,"^ the youngest, prepares him and prinks. 
 
 And brushes his ivory teeth 
 With carbolic soap of the kind the dogs use — 
 
 For cleanliness give him the wreath. 
 
 McMichael takes pains for a whole week ahead 
 
 To practise society's airs. 
 He thinks it is wise to acquire the art 
 
 Of gracefully sitting on chairs. 
 
 So he tried in the class-room to tilt back his seat. 
 And with horror his kind teacher saw 
 (The chair lost its balance, it was n't his fault) 
 He 'd McWiggled himself to the floor. 
 
 While Tilney adorns his new golden-haired doll. 
 And Newbold his nanny-goat decks 
 [ 251 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 With a brass-studded collar engraved with an '^N/ 
 And brings it to pay its respects. 
 
 The nanny 's not his, to be sure he declares. 
 
 It only belongs to his sister. 
 And, oh, so respectful are Hickup and King,^ 
 
 And Osborn calls Hemenway "Mister." 
 
 While little boy Buttons ® puts on his best coat. 
 And the latest boy Butler they name him. 
 
 If he thinks that the pun is a trifle remote, 
 I 'm sure I 'm not going to blame him. 
 
 And the little White Dog ^^ trots along of himself. 
 
 To do justice to cake and to tea. 
 And Leander the Plummer, with cast-iron back. 
 
 Is n't backward in joining the spree. 
 
 I travelled wide, I travelled far. 
 When summer days were here. 
 
 To see whatever I might see. 
 And hear what I might hear. 
 
 Where'er I went, all people talked 
 
 About the devious ways 
 Of the mysterious Kissing Bug, 
 
 Myotis Picipes. 
 
 But 't was n't till I had returned 
 
 At last I came to know. 
 The Kissing Bug was caught at last. 
 
 Its name was Turkey Low.^^ 
 [ 252 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 His maple-sugar kisses were 
 The sweetest thing on earth. 
 
 Like Roosevelt ^^ at the candy pull 
 When maidens in their mirth 
 
 Threw the molasses at his face. 
 Or Randolph/^ whom they say, 
 
 Southampton maidens greeted in 
 A most effusive way. 
 
 Heart failure was his ill, he said. 
 
 They held him by the hand 
 To feel his pulse, — these maids declared. 
 
 And Bertie thought it grand. 
 
 And now he asks that some kind friend 
 
 Will place at his disposal 
 The very latest formula 
 
 For making a proposal. 
 
 And Alvah Crocker, too, 'tis said. 
 
 To follow the example 
 Of Mr. Griswold is prepared. 
 
 And we 're not sure but the scamp will. 
 
 We all allow the new boy Howe ^* 
 
 Of learning is a star. 
 But spelling turnip 's not his forte. 
 
 He writes it t-i-r. 
 
 I hear lots of talk from way back New York, 
 That Lipton can't get any race 
 
 [ 253 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Because of the calm as dead as a clam, 
 And he thinks it 's a shame and disgrace. 
 
 If he 'd only ask me, I could furnish him free 
 Any kind of a wind that he pleases ; 
 
 For with Jimmy and Sid and Bobby the Kid, 
 We rejoice in no less than three Breeses. 
 
 When Lawrance ^^ is n't building some new boat 
 I wonder how he occupies his hours? 
 
 Except that his creations will not float 
 
 They seem to have all kinds of wondrous powers. 
 
 A cat-boat or some other kind of skiff he 
 Will turn into a full-rigged ship or brig. 
 
 Flying machine or proa in a jiffy. 
 
 Just twice as slow as in her former rig. 
 
 But when beneath his keel no longer gurgling 
 Is heard the water, then he comes to land. 
 
 And straightway to the gentle art of burgling 
 This versatile inventor turns his hand. 
 
 With mask and lantern and unloaded pistol 
 His guests he holds up in the dead of night, 
 
 And rifles all their money, while his whistle 
 Osborn ^^ awaits half paralyzed with fright. 
 
 The victim, as a little bird reported. 
 
 Had been forewarned and did n't mind a bit. 
 
 And so the horrid purposes were thwarted. 
 But Lawrance was nigh scared into a fit. 
 
 [ 254 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 We must set Leaky ^'^ on this bold bad villain^ 
 For he is just the man to catch a thief. 
 
 The trouble is that Leaky 's never willin' 
 To testify and cause a robber grief. 
 
 Twinkle, twinkle, Louis Starr, 
 My! how beautiful you are. 
 When you go to do your shopping, 
 Right and left the prices dropping. 
 Prove what your good looks can do 
 When the shop-girls glance at you. 
 
 They call him of Brooks House the Vicar, 
 
 The hero I celebrate next; 
 Perhaps I shall get through the quicker 
 
 By taking this loftier text. 
 
 McVickar ^^ of Brooks House suggested 
 He 'd got this new nickname of late. 
 
 Because he was called Parson Leggy, 
 Instead of plain Mary Ann Haight. 
 
 While Richards, thin stripling, protested 
 
 This title was perfectly bully. 
 This slinging of epithets, look at his curls. 
 
 Why should n't they call him Red Wully. 
 
 But now to return to my Vicar, 
 
 The Reverend Billings, I mean. 
 He 's tired of sitting at table 
 
 On a chair where he cannot be seen. 
 
 [ 255 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 So he got him a carpenter busy 
 
 Who made him a high-chair straightway. 
 
 And now from this altitude dizzy. 
 He leads the Blue Bottle affray. ^^ 
 
 There was once a Beetle, his name was Moncure,^^ 
 His age seventeen, but his shooting was poor. 
 He managed his gun in a manner peculiar. 
 And when he took aim he was likely to fool yer. 
 
 Now was the gun loaded? Just there was the puzzle. 
 He grabbed at the handle and gazed down the muzzle. 
 Ay, laugh at his conduct eccentric and queer. 
 It 's all very well, but we did shoot that deer. 
 
 One summer morning as I was yawning 
 And longing for diversion and variety. 
 
 As chance directed, my eye selected 
 
 The sheet which tells the doings of society. 
 
 And there unheeding, as I was reading 
 
 I saw a picture of a Four in hand. 
 And on it sitting in costume fitting 
 
 Quite the most skilful whip in all the land. 
 
 The paper said it must give the credit 
 
 To one who drove much better than most men. 
 
 And all must own, sirs, that Tweedle ^^ Sloane, sirs. 
 Can drive a coach, though he is not yet ten. 
 
 What will become I wonder much 
 Of Stockton 2^ when he dies .'' 
 [ 256 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 This question has been asked of me. 
 And this is my surmise: 
 
 If Ducky is but lucky 
 
 I see no good excuse 
 Why he should not develop to 
 
 A beautiful white goose. 
 
 When to these halls of learning we returned. 
 We found no gasolene at Brooks House burned. 
 
 And Mr. Billings nearly had a fit. 
 When by some lucky freak upon the scene. 
 Boot-black McCormick chanced to intervene. 
 
 And some one straightway had a flash of wit. 
 
 Said he, "My brethren, I am much surprised 
 That no one yet has ever utilized 
 
 The flow of natural gas that streams from Chauncey." 
 And with the word he quickly struck a match. 
 Applied it to McCormick with despatch. 
 
 And dazzling was the glare, as you may fancy. 
 
 A solemn ceremony, 
 
 A dread initiation. 
 More horrible than funny 
 
 Occurred on one occasion. 
 
 Hark ! while I tell you of it ; 
 
 The idea makes me clammy; 
 The awful veiled prophet 
 
 Was only gentle Hammy.^^ 
 
 [ 257] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 They swathed him with dissembUng, 
 
 And then the luckless kid 
 With quaking and with trembling 
 
 He kissed him, yes, he did. 
 
 We 're pleased to notice Harrison ^* — 
 
 How is that dear old fogy? 
 His guide, philosopher and friend — 
 
 How is he, how is Roguey ? ^^ 
 
 I 'd like to talk another hour 
 Now that I 've got you in my power. 
 And tell of Pot ^^ the woman hater ; 
 Perhaps I '11 do so somewhat later. 
 
 Of Bawky's ^'^ shirt and Whitney's ^^ socks, 
 How Thayer ^^ breaks through and Minturn ^^ 
 
 blocks. 
 How Mr. Gladwin and the Brave ^^ 
 Both tried their best the Choir to save. 
 
 And when they both had done their best. 
 They sang, "Who doth not crave for rest.?" 
 Of Sawyer,^^ Chuchu's ^^ little brother. 
 Who said to Woden,^* "You're another." 
 
 How Norman Prince at tether ball 
 Found Hollister ^^ no fun at all. 
 How glad we are that Mr. Marvin 
 Is in our mongst to do the carvin' 
 
 [ 258 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1899 
 
 For lively kids like Paris Green, 
 Or Grosvenor Red, or Margarine/^ — 
 A name well earned by Hodges fat, 
 A very walking butter-pat. 
 
 How Psyche ^^ treats his mastilF badly, 
 And Testy ^^ Parrish goes round sadly 
 Hunting for golf balls, midst the Heifers 
 Who used to be in Sparta Ephors. 
 
 G. Beetle's pawn shop in his mug, 
 Robbins's puffs when going to slug. 
 How Kobbe sailing, found a bore 
 Got sea-sick, longed to get on shore. 
 
 Of Charlie Appleton's queer clothes. 
 All of one piece from nose to toes. 
 How Mr. Gladwin fed the whale. 
 How Draper, too, enjoyed that sail. 
 
 How Mr. Woods declined to laugh 
 In spite of all the brethren's chaff. 
 How Dunky ^® likes to be conspitious. 
 And Larned's nose looks somewhat vicious. 
 
 How Webb and Whitney measured legs. 
 And how thin Whitney humbly begs. 
 And Watson Webb doth eke intreat. 
 The size I 'd not tell of their feet. 
 
 How Ewey Thayer congratulated 
 The kid by his good luck elated. 
 [ 259 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 His birthday was the same as Ewey's, 
 Of Blubs ^*^ and other future Deweys. 
 
 How Dooney Humpy ^^ and Miss Kelly ^^ 
 Both loved a maiden christened Nelly, 
 And bushels of such other stuff, 
 But really I have said enough. 
 
 The School is old, 't is fifteen year 
 (The jokes are ancient too, I fear); 
 But 't is the same old place we know 
 Who knew and loved it long ago. 
 
 And better still 't \\all be, I ween. 
 When it has finished sweet sixteen. 
 Thus rising still from good to best, 
 I leave it — you may take a rest. 
 
 [ 260 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 Mr. Billings. 
 
 2 The Rector. 
 
 3 The Author. 
 
 * iVew School Building used for thejlrst time October 11, 
 1899. 
 
 5 Mr. S. W. Sturgis. 
 
 6 F. H. Prince, Jr. 
 '' H. F. Hadden. 
 
 ^ Edward King. 
 
 9 G. Butler. 
 
 10 Meredith Blagden. 
 
 11 G. C. W. Low. 
 
 12 /. B. Roosevelt. 
 
 13 A. B. Randolph. 
 1* George Howe. 
 
 1^ C. L. Lawrance. 
 
 1^ J. Perry Oshorn. 
 
 " i2. i?. Leaycraft. 
 
 18 /. McF. UmgR 
 
 19 Birthday Song of the Fifth Form. 
 
 20 M Biddle. 
 
 21 M. D. *S/oawe. 
 
 22 Howard Stockton— "Bucky." 
 22 Gorham Brooks. 
 
 24 G. H. M#m. 
 
 25 Roguey, his pet dog. 
 
 26 /. W^. i^M//er Po«er. 
 2'^ J. Auchincloss. 
 
 28 G. Whitney. 
 
 29 C«jo<am £. r. /2. rA«yer. 
 
 30 J. ^. Minturn. 
 
 [ 261 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^^ Mr. Ayrault. 
 ^^ A. W. Smvyer. 
 
 33 W. P. Blagden. 
 
 34 Mr. Woods. 
 
 35 Buell Hollister. 
 3^ Carroll Hodges. 
 
 3"^ Stuyvesant Fish, Jr. 
 
 3^ /. C. Parrish. 
 
 39 J. R. Hooper, Jr. 
 
 ^^ Roger Derby. 
 
 *^ R. Duane Humphreys. 
 
 4^ Shaun Kelly. 
 
 [ 262 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1899 
 
 [ Fragment] 
 
 Good brother bard, I fear that my report 
 Upon the School affairs is somewhat short. 
 For tonsillitis, fever, aches and pains 
 Have carried off three quarters of my brains. 
 
 And how could I obtain the needful points 
 To write about, when in my aged joints 
 Such havoc reigned that I have not been able 
 To fill for weeks my wonted place at table.'* 
 
 And learn from Hollister the latest squibs; 
 While Sidney Breeses, Blubber ^ tends the jibs. 
 And all the rest just pour into my ears 
 The doings of the brethren — and their dears. 
 
 Of other deers I hear as well from Biddle. 
 
 The deer ive shot — the guide played second fiddle. 
 
 The head 's been stuffed and that 's enough to prove 
 
 it- 
 Aspersion on his marksmanship — remove it! 
 
 He catches trout as well, he 'd give you warning. 
 He cast his fly and hooked the luckless Corning.^ 
 Yes, as I say, I Ve not been in the push. 
 And to make matters worse e'en Mr. Cush 
 
 [ 263 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Spends many days away in the great City, 
 Getting elected to the School Committee, 
 Telling the lady voters 't is their duty 
 To recognize size, gallantry, and beauty. 
 
 And as I must depend, dear brother bard. 
 On your assistance in my problem hard. 
 Just tell me what you 've heard about each lad. 
 Brilliant and stupid, good, and even bad. 
 
 I 'm deeply pained to learn that kids 
 
 Fail duly to respect 
 Their Masters' wondrous qualities. 
 
 For all can recollect 
 
 How Josephs, when he first arrived. 
 Said Groton was all right. 
 
 Only that Mr. Nutter failed 
 To meet requirements quite. 
 
 ''You see he 's really very nice," 
 Young Josephs thus began, 
 
 ''But then, you see, that he is such 
 A nervous little man." 
 
 He took a bath one winter night 
 To cure him of some chills; 
 
 Half boiled, he fainted and in fright 
 The nurse prescribed two pills. 
 
 [ 264 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1899 
 
 And Mr. Gladwin really ought 
 
 His purchases to hide — 
 A case of PoUywater came 
 
 The other eventide. 
 
 And Roelker, Mr. Ayrault finds 
 
 A specimen unique_, 
 Who talks quite decent English 
 
 For a man who 's really Greek. 
 
 While others say that down the road 
 No longer times are merry. 
 
 For Mr. Marvin 's quite cut out 
 By fascinating Gerry.^ 
 
 The latter soon will quit the field. 
 
 They say that at the Boulders/ 
 The name of the new Sturgis house. 
 
 The joy of all beholders, 
 
 That Gerry lately has applied. 
 And will not be rejected. 
 
 To fill the place of housemaid, nor 
 Could better be selected. 
 
 Do you know the Rector's nephew & 
 With the big round head.^ 
 
 He lately had a birthday 
 And came out half dead. 
 
 [ 265 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 His brains, I fear, are shattered. 
 For in physics class — 
 
 How does he test the flotage 
 Of a piece of brass? 
 
 Mc Wiggle ^ in the school-room slouches 
 And will not sit up straight. 
 
 The Master, in the worst of grouches. 
 Begins him to berate. 
 
 ^'Unto your desk sit up," he cries. 
 
 McWiggle, with an air 
 Of somewhat indolent surprise. 
 
 Steps up into his chair. 
 
 Upon the desk he proudly sits. 
 
 His graceful, tiny feet. 
 Directed by this prince of wits. 
 
 Rest gently 07i his seat. 
 
 Of course Mr. Abbott was just getting square 
 With McWiggle, who said with an innocent air. 
 That good Mr. Abbott was just finance; 
 He was sure it was true, spite of all they might say. 
 For he saw the whole School in half-holiday whirl, 
 And he knew Mr. Abbott had just got a girl. 
 
 Randolph is getting a big boy now. 
 Have n't you noticed the little eye-brow 
 
 [ 266 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1899 
 
 Darkly adorning his uppermost lip, 
 
 And the deep bass voice of his worthy-ship? 
 
 He likes a big voice when the owner is small ; 
 'T is better, he holds, than a tenor when tall. 
 And the great event of the bygone week 
 Was the first shave applied to his manly cheek. 
 
 He 'd better beware of the shaving brush '^; 
 Joe Burden he mounted and off with a rush 
 He galloped upon an old nag of that name. 
 And Joseph since then speaks of brushes with shame. 
 
 They 're a fair lot of scholars, though some are not 
 strong ; 
 
 Their notions concerning some lessons are queer. 
 And it 's not very easy to show them they 're wrong. 
 
 They 've a mind of their own as to studies, I fear. 
 
 Bobby Breese, for example, believes for a fact 
 That the ancients had habits not unlike our own. 
 
 He can see in their words and beneath ev'ry act 
 They were flesh of our flesh, just as bone of our 
 bone. 
 
 He surprised the Head Master a few days ago 
 As he answered in class with intelligent look. 
 
 He was certain who Castor and Pollux ^ were both, 
 They were people who 'd written a modern hymn- 
 book. 
 
 [ 267 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Do you know why Captain Leaky ^ 
 
 Was so hoarse he scarce could speak? He 
 
 Felt really very wretched, weak and ill 
 With spinal meningitis. 
 Chicken-pox or tonsillitis. 
 
 He really had a most alarming chill. 
 
 [ 268 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 Roger Derby. 
 
 E. Corning. 
 
 E. G. Chadwick. 
 
 S. W. Sturgis — nicknamed "The Bold." 
 
 Harold Peahody. 
 
 P. McMichael 
 
 Mr. B.'s horse. 
 
 Query : Moody and Sankey ? 
 
 R. R. Leaycraft. 
 
 [ 269 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1900 
 
 ON this festival occasion 
 As I tune my twangolet^ 
 I would wish you good digestion. 
 Trust you have n't overate. 
 
 And remarking that these verses 
 
 Are not always strictly true, 
 I would deprecate your curses 
 
 If the joke seems up to you. 
 
 For a poet only jots down 
 
 As his Muse may chance t' inspire. 
 Merely, then, consider what 's down 
 
 Echoes of Apollo's Liar! 
 
 'T is unusually festive. 
 
 Such a crowd we 've never seen. 
 For the School is somewhat guestive. 
 
 And our age is sweet sixteen. 
 
 And we welcome with emotion 
 
 An occasion such as this is, 
 When our dear old boys are with us, 
 
 And just here and there a Mrs. 
 
 Et quant au petit Warwick,^ 
 
 Groton School's first hopeful grandson. 
 Nous lui donnerons un gateau. 
 
 And a table for to dance on. 
 [ 271 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Did it ever occur to any one here 
 
 How exceedingly funny it is 
 To run through the catalogue, boy by boy. 
 
 And write some such poem as this? 
 
 Sam Crocker 's a fusser and Alvah 's a flirt, 
 
 Joe Burden's a masher as well; 
 And Balky 2 has added a waist to his shirt 
 
 That the ladies may think him a swell. 
 
 They whisper indeed that he loves a Princess, 
 
 And on Sunday in gorgeous array, 
 He woos a king's daughter, while others confess 
 
 Of their projects he stands in the way. 
 
 And Randolph chews sen-sen and longs to be told — 
 If you kindly would add to his knowledge — 
 
 Whether fellows in love need to wait till they 're old. 
 Or can they be married in college.'^ 
 
 And under his chin he applies vaseline 
 To encourage the growth of his beard; 
 
 And though there is not very much to be seen. 
 That little looks just a bit weird. 
 
 Macdonald^ objects to a dog-collar belt 
 When it circles a maiden's slim waist. 
 
 He declares he knows well, for last summer he felt. 
 And it was n't at all to his taste. 
 
 Butter Pat * is so bashful, he merely looks neat ; 
 His fair one must think him a dandy; 
 
 [ 272 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 He climbed the car window and hurled on the seat 
 Beside her his tribute of candy. 
 
 And Stillman -would not be outdone by such stunts. 
 Took one hundred girls out in a carriage, 
 
 And his confidence to them he gave all at once. 
 And his blushes show that must mean marriage. 
 
 And poor Judge McMichael, who wounded his hand, 
 
 Pursued a fair lady to-day. 
 And asked her to hold it, 't would give him relief. 
 
 The anguish it sure would allay. 
 
 She held it one hour, the Judge murmured "More, 
 'T is beginning to feel something like." 
 
 The lady, alas, 'gan to think it a bore. 
 
 And bade him, "Ta ta." Tough luck, Mike. 
 
 While Meredith Blagden continues to pine. 
 He 's kept eight months all but a day. 
 
 And pinned all his hopes on a dear Valentine, 
 And never will throw it away. 
 
 When Greenough ^ goes out for a knockabout race. 
 
 Completely obscured is his rail 
 By a line of gay parasols, adding much grace 
 
 And an area big to his sail. 
 
 He wants to get back for this merciless whack 
 By assaulting the three Derby brothers. 
 
 Who ran on a rock with a terrible shock. 
 
 And he likewise remarks, "There are others." 
 [ 273 ] 
 
GIIOTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Oh, those Islesboro boats, they 're the best thing that 
 floats. 
 
 And their cabins are all fitted out 
 With smelling-salts bottles when passengers faint. 
 
 And implore that they '11 please come about. 
 
 And as to North-East, it is rumoured, at least. 
 
 That Corning is fond of the lades, 
 And lest Walter Bradley should chance to feel badly 
 
 I believe he, too, favours the maids. 
 
 But really, my friends, unless this business ends. 
 These hundreds of jokes about girling. 
 
 When I ask for a jest I must really protest, 
 It sets my poor bald head a- whirling. 
 
 So since you deny me the needed supply 
 
 Of squibs and adventures and jokes, 
 I needs must invent, and perhaps you '11 repent. 
 
 So let 's turn our attention to Stokes.^ 
 
 Behold that slim and graceful form. 
 Behold those movements spry — 
 
 The figure of a fairy sylph. 
 But figures sometimes lie. 
 
 He started from the School door once 
 
 With airy, skipping tread ; 
 He fain would reach the football field 
 
 Ere daylight should have fled. 
 
 [ 274 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 But on arriving there at last 
 
 He found he wasn't in it; 
 It took him, though he ran so fast. 
 
 Three hours and one minute. 
 
 There 's a youngster most ingenuous, 
 Whose behaviour 's somewhat strenuous. 
 
 To punch a fellow's head he 's always ready. 
 Always revelling in gore. 
 Always wiping up the floor 
 
 With some other kid — this sweet thing's name 
 is Teddy. "^ 
 
 When he left his happy home 
 And his mouth began to foam. 
 
 There was weeping and a-wailing 'mongst his 
 pets; 
 They consist of fighting fleas. 
 And a pair of stinging bees. 
 
 And another pair of biting parroquets; 
 
 And a pair of turtledoves. 
 Who to manifest their loves 
 
 Scratch their eyes out every other day or so; 
 But they wept and wailed sore 
 When the mighty man of war 
 
 To a boarding-school invited was to go. 
 
 The dormitory walls 
 Now reecho with the falls 
 
 Of the brethren who 've his violence endured. 
 
 [ 275 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He had only one more foe. 
 But some Master he said, "no," 
 
 And the bout was stopped, and so his record 
 Sewered.^ 
 
 His thoughts are all expressed in the language of the 
 West. 
 For when morning's rays their golden light reveal. 
 He calls the witching time when the buzzer 'gins to 
 chime 
 The merry hour when the chickens squeal. 
 
 Joe Potter went with Wode ^ to hunt 
 When summer days were hot; 
 
 A still hunt was the form of sport 
 Best suited to the spot. 
 
 Alas, poor Joe returned without 
 
 A single bit of luck. 
 (Though Woden's guide shot Woden's gun, 
 
 And Woden claimed the buck.) 
 
 But why did Potter fail to win 
 
 Some trophy of his skill .-^ 
 You see it was a still hunt, and 
 
 Joseph could not keep still. 
 
 I hear there are two rich voices who 
 
 Are bold enough to aspire 
 To add one more throe to Nutter's woe 
 
 By carolling in the Choir. 
 
 [ 276 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 A very deep bass comes forth from the face 
 Of the solemn and serious Plum.^^ 
 
 And its echoes roll and they move the soul 
 Like a cruelly treated drum. 
 
 And Appleton ^^ quavers with voice that savours 
 
 Of misery lost and lone ; 
 A tremulo, simply buried in woe, 
 
 A most exquisite barytone. 
 
 Chump Chesterfield Perkins, Jack Higginson bold — 
 For these are his full Christian names, I am told — 
 Is quite an authority, so he declares. 
 On race horses, records, and sporting affairs. 
 
 His riding experience counts but one fall. 
 Though his enemies say he can't stick on at all. 
 They advise him to cultivate matters aquatic. 
 And say that he dives like a lobster rheumatic. 
 
 Thomas Henry Powers Farr, 
 How original you are. 
 How you horrified each soul 
 When you dashed for your own goal. 
 
 You were tackled just in time 
 To insert in this, my rhyme. 
 Otherwise, L. Josephs would 
 On this eminence have stood. 
 
 Joe, you know, is good at study, 
 Even when his clothes are muddy. 
 
 [ 277 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 When he rushes with the ball, ^ 
 He is geometrical. 
 
 " Lost five yards/' the linesman cries, 
 "What's the matter with your eyes?" 
 Mr. Ayrault cries with pain, 
 " Never run like that again." 
 
 "Why this wiggling, wandering gait? 
 Don't you know a line that's straight?" 
 " Certainly," said Josephs while 
 Beamed his somewhat dopy smile. 
 "^You yourself have said in class, — 
 And I 'm sure that any ass 
 Could reply without assistance, — 
 'Twixt two points the longest distance." 
 
 This same gentleman would fain 
 Have some person tell him plain — 
 "Could it possibly be true 
 That to-night we 'd have on view 
 For the first time in our lives 
 Each old boy with all his wives?" 
 
 We wondered why this afternoon 
 No black marks were read out. 
 
 And why the Rector seemed so queer 
 And looked a bit put out. 
 
 Surely School duties must go on. 
 Justice must conquer pity, 
 [ 278 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 E'en if it is a festal day. 
 
 With folks up from the city. 
 
 I asked him why he 'd put it off 
 
 Till Monday afternoon? 
 He answered by a nervous cough 
 
 A trifle out of tune. 
 
 Next Monday will reveal the truth 
 
 That cough revealed to me. 
 He does n't wish to shame a youth. 
 
 And Malcolm he has three. 
 
 When Charlie Brown ^^ went out to drive 
 One dark and ghostly night. 
 
 Two highwaymen his coach attacked. 
 But Charlie felt no fright. 
 
 He merely drove with headlong speed 
 
 And hid himself in bed. 
 (The highwaymen were Jimmy Breese 
 
 And Tow Head Potts,i^ 't is said.) 
 
 But Charlie's teeth were chattering. 
 His heart gave painful thumps. 
 
 To look at him you might have thought 
 He had callippyjumps. 
 
 He said the ruffians were a gang 
 
 Of seven robbers bold ; 
 The youngest of them was, he knew. 
 
 At least nineteen years old. 
 [ 279 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VEKSES 
 
 Perry Osborn rides a horse. 
 
 Tall and lank and bony; 
 Perry is a pretty sight. 
 
 Sitting on his pony. 
 
 '^Tell me, faithful coachman, tell. 
 
 Who is the best rider?" 
 "Miss Virginia, sir," said he, 
 
 "No one else beside her." 
 
 "How about myself.'^" he cries, 
 
 With some slight vexation. 
 Clinging to his pony's mane 
 
 In his indignation. 
 
 "Sure, sir, you," the stupid groom's 
 
 Answer came quite ready, 
 " 'T is the weight of your huge feet 
 
 That maintains you steady." 
 
 *T was Jimminy Christmas Gignoux ^* 
 Or little Joe Coolidge who 
 Were not quite certain, they could n't swear. 
 But still they believed they knew — 
 
 So announced with demeanour grave 
 And an air which assurance gave 
 That a lady they saw in the parlour one night 
 Was certainly Mrs. Brave. ^^ 
 
 Joe Coolidge is so polite 
 That when on a recent night 
 [ 280 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 He refused the pudding, he called the maid back 
 To say that he realized quite 
 
 Her kindness in making the proffer. 
 Though obliged to reject her offer. 
 His words were so kind and his air so refined 
 That she could n't have thought him a scoffer. 
 
 He declares that when he sees 
 In football togs, S. Breese — 
 Oh, Gee! but Sidney looks tons more fierce 
 Than at table at breakfast and teas. 
 
 Sargent ^^ is a noisy youth ; 
 
 When the mornings dawn 
 He proclaims the tidings glad 
 
 With his nasal horn. 
 
 And when evening shadows fall 
 
 As a parting toot. 
 Whisking out his handkerchief 
 
 Trumpets a salute. 
 
 He is skilled in foreign tongues. 
 Thinks my trusty henchman 
 
 Who the empty teapot fills. 
 Surely is a Frenchman. ^"^ 
 
 So with accent rare and strange 
 
 One can hear him say, 
 " Monsieur Percy, if you please, 
 
 Donne moi de la lait." 
 [ 281 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Bacon ^^ is a Frenchy too. 
 
 Thinks that I don't dare 
 To get off a joke on him. 
 
 But he will not care. 
 
 Being French doan understand 
 
 What I would be at. 
 When I squib him says with glee, 
 
 "Oh, que je suis fatte." 
 
 At midday dinner once a week 
 The corned beef and the pork 
 
 In ancient days produced some pain 
 And not a little talk. 
 
 Mrs. McMurray was resolved 
 
 Our appetites to quicken. 
 And so to our intense surprise 
 
 She 's substituted chicken. 
 
 Imagine then our wild delight. 
 
 Think of our gluttonie. 
 When we, instead of toughish pork. 
 
 Are served with fricassee. 
 
 They talked of lifting her aloft. 
 To bear her on the shoulder, 
 
 While some encouraged by the change 
 Have bolder grown and bolder. 
 
 And now suggest a new idea — 
 
 They wish more frequent pie days, 
 [ 282 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 
 And if it wouldn't seem too queer 
 She 'd give us steak on Fridays. 
 
 Have you ever seen how 
 Hiram ^^ handles his cow 
 
 Without either stirrup or saddle? 
 He clings to one horn 
 And aloft he is borne 
 
 In a graceful and elegant straddle. 
 
 But, alas, for his luck. 
 For the cow 'gins to buck. 
 
 And his seat it gets wobbly and wibbly; 
 Poor Hiram turns pale 
 And slides over the tail. 
 
 And that is the last of poor Sibley. 
 
 The Masters, they say, are getting gray; 
 
 One advantage of hair like mine 
 Is nobody '11 know how old I grow, 
 
 'T is silky, they say, and fine. 
 
 But poor Mr. Cush when he gives a young kid 
 Black marks which he does n't deserve. 
 
 Serenely states the kid's conduct grates 
 Upon his sciatical nerve. 
 
 Mr. Abbott is known to take leave of his wits 
 In the midst of a lecture in class; 
 
 While the brethren nervously glance at the door 
 And wonder if they can pass. 
 [ 283 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He took leave of his wits on an automo-trip — 
 
 Last summer some wicked deceiver 
 Beguiled him to pilot poor Bertie and Charles ^"^ 
 
 To the shores of the Lake of Geneva. 
 
 When asked if Jim Jackson could run fast as he. 
 With scorn he retorted, '^'^Why, that man, 
 
 He wouldn't be in it an instant with me — 
 Yes, he runs fairly fast for a fat man." 
 
 Oh, you should have heard Mr. Marvin discourse 
 
 When suffering 'neath the delusion 
 That a carload of kids were Grotonians new. 
 
 And making a lot of confusion. 
 
 He lectured them sharply and said that such noise 
 
 Was not what we do at this School; 
 But they came from St. Paul's, and not Groton at all. 
 
 So he felt just a bit like a fool. 
 
 And young Morton Prince, without e'er a wince 
 
 And never a muscle did flinch. 
 Leaned over the table and loudly exclaimed, 
 
 ''Say, ain't Mr. Ayrault a cinch?" 
 
 And poor Mr. Gladwin 's the easiest thing 
 
 You 've met with for many a year. 
 A hard-hearted youth had a Brooks brothers box 
 
 And was struck with a brilliant idea. 
 
 The clothes he took out, and with string tied about 
 The box on the floor did deposit. 
 [ 284 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1900 
 And my! how Max^^ pounced on it, seized it with 
 
 And whisked to the confiscate closet. 
 
 One word more at parting. These sixteen long years 
 Have been full of deep joys, many smiles and few 
 
 tears. 
 The School has grown great in contentment and peace 
 And the love of her sons as her seasons increase. 
 
 But deepest of all of our deep- treasured joys 
 
 Is our pride in the record of Groton's old boys. 
 
 Old boys, we have missed you, our own hearts know 
 
 best 
 The tie that unites us, nor needs be expressed. 
 And though years may roll on, and though old we 
 
 may grow. 
 The flame still burns warm as in days long ago. 
 
 [ 285 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Warwick Potter II — emerged from cake at dinner and 
 
 said Bon Soir, as he could nt speak English. 
 ^ J, Auchincloss. 
 ^ Gordon MacDo?iald. 
 
 * Carroll Hodges. 
 
 ^ C. P. Greenough. 
 
 6 H. P. Stokes. 
 
 "^ Theodore Roosevelt, Jr. i 
 
 ^ Seivard Webb. 
 
 9 Mr. Woods. 
 
 ^ Leander A. Plummer, Jr. — "Clam.'' 
 
 ^ jP. R. Appleton, Jr. 
 
 ^ C. S. Brown, Jr. 
 
 ^ Howard Potter. 
 
 * G. C. Gignoux. 
 
 ^ First person singular, future perfect passive of mitto. 
 
 ^ F. W. Sargent, Jr. 
 
 ^ Percy Gordon. 
 
 ^ R. L. Bacon. 
 
 ^ Harper Sibley. 
 ^^ Randolph and Lawrance. 
 ^^ Mr. Gladwin. 
 
 [ 286 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1900 
 
 The sight of this laurel and holly. 
 The general atmosphere jolly, 
 The common delight of this festival night. 
 Inspires poetical folly. 
 
 So once more, respectable pardner. 
 Just put on your jaw muscle hardener. 
 And tune up your lyre, ye Muses, inspire 
 Bard Billings and Oracle Gardner. 
 
 The cruel exams are all ended. 
 Results have been something quite splendid; 
 And for those in the soup, there 's a chance to recoup, 
 For vacation by one day 's extended. 
 
 Thanksgiving, you see, is so festive 
 For boys whom School food has made restive. 
 That 't was feared that the Hub with inferior grub 
 Might damage their organs digestive. 
 
 To avert, then, this threatened disaster. 
 Up here we ate more food and faster. 
 With a fine minstrel show and a warble or so 
 And attacks on a bald-headed Master. 
 
 While the chimes with their clashing and banging, 
 Their dinging and donging and whanging. 
 Excited the Bold ^ and the Brave ^ and the Young,^ 
 And doubtless will end with the hanging 
 
 [ 287 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 In a musical true lover's knot 
 Some day the unfortunate ringing artist.* 
 He says that each chime is in exquisite time^ 
 And others again remark, "Rot." 
 
 But enough of this tragedy fearful. 
 To-morrow we part — oh_, how tearful — 
 For eighteen long days on our several ways. 
 And to-night we are feeling quite cheerful. 
 
 Can you solve for me the riddle 
 Once propounded by G. Biddle, 
 
 That chatterbox impossible to squelch? 
 Can you tell if Powell's rabbits, 
 Just to judge them by their habits. 
 
 Are genuine, or are they merely Welsh.'' 
 
 Biddle, of course, supposes, 
 
 By the wiggling of their noses. 
 Those rabbits are indisputably foreign. 
 
 For wherever they are found. 
 
 They are always wobbling round 
 In a fashion that recalls their cousin Morin.^ 
 
 No, child, the cuspidor. 
 When the savage bull doth roar. 
 Is not the feller managing the show; 
 Nor is the good corned beef. 
 Of the bill of fare the chief. 
 Quite the same as sirloin roast, I 'd have you 
 know. 
 
 [ 288 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 Inform me, wise seer — for I know that you can — 
 Why Professor^ remains here at Groton so much? 
 
 Last year every month to New Haven he ran — 
 Did he want with the students to get into touch? 
 
 Oh, no, 't was n't men that he cared about so. 
 
 Professor knew well what he wanted down there, 
 And got it, so now he 's no reason to go. 
 
 We've seen that the Fraulein has come to the 
 Herr. 
 
 Why are certain lives with such luck always filled? 
 
 There are others we know, as fine-looking men, too 
 (The gen'ral,'^ for instance, just think of his build). 
 
 Old bachelors still, spite of all they can do. 
 
 Don't grumble, dear fellow, we 're very young yet. 
 Just wait a few years till the loneliness ends ; 
 
 For the present remember the comfort we get. 
 The pleasure we take, in the wives of our friends. 
 
 So every new wife we are glad to see come, 
 Frau Griswold we welcome, our liking is plain. 
 
 We 're glad she has come up to stay with us here. 
 New Haven has lost, but Grotonians gain. 
 
 Tell me, poet, if you 're able. 
 
 What disturbs the weighty Lummox ^ 
 
 When we 're sitting at the table 
 
 Putting things inside our — waistbands? 
 
 [ 289 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Though the room be rather chilly 
 
 And unlighted is the fire. 
 Like a beet he looks, — poor Stilly, — 
 
 And commences to perspire. 
 
 He 's a sensitive young creature. 
 
 And since Gaspar Bacon 's near him. 
 
 Lummox cannot stand red pepper. 
 And Tabasco seems to queer him. 
 
 But a mound of mashed potato 
 
 With a sprig of parsley in it. 
 If applied when hot and tempting. 
 
 Will restore him in a minute. 
 
 Oh, Turkey Low ^ is such a beau. 
 
 Why is his razor blunt? 
 Has he been carving names with it, 
 
 Or doing some such stunt .f* 
 
 Nay, but the bushy, bushy brows 
 That shadow Turkey's forehead. 
 
 He tried to shave to make them thick, 
 I think he would look horrid. 
 
 I hear in the city of Greater New York 
 
 They 're full of all kinds of diseases unclean. 
 
 But why in the country is there so much talk 
 Of injection of something — they call it vaccine.'' 
 
 You feel much discomfort, your arm it gets sore, 
 Of skating and hockey you lose all your share. 
 [ 290 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 The boys, 1 should think, would regard it a bore — 
 What is it that causes this terrible scare? 
 
 I guess I 've a tip that will help you a bit. 
 
 They 'd worked Dr. Warren as well as could be. 
 
 To do what they did was n't decent or fit. 
 It suited their purposes, though, to a T. 
 
 They got him to say it was helpful to skate ; 
 
 The virus, because of the falls and the bumps. 
 Would take all the better. He said, though, he 'd hate 
 
 To have them attempt to go through Addyhumps.^*^ 
 
 The doctor is popular, every one knows. 
 It 's nice to be given instructions by him. 
 
 Biit here is the risk — what the Rector says goes, 
 And I noticed the patients went straight to the 
 Gym. 
 
 Webb says that Boyer's sandless if he hasn't kissed 
 a girl. 
 But what is Webb's own catalogue of crime.'' 
 Whitney and Monkey Fay ^^ upon last Thanksgiving 
 Day 
 Were each kissed by three fair maidens at a time. 
 
 But Boyer loves the ladies at so much per pound of 
 weight, 
 A hundred and ten pounder is his style ; 
 And if the damsel fail at this point to tip the scale. 
 He throws a mournful languish of a smile. 
 [ 291 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But tell me^ brother poet, if Sam Crocker has reformed 
 Since the Birthday poem labelled him a fusser; 
 
 In the dormitory high have you kept on him an eye? 
 Is he better now, or is he growing wusser? 
 
 When the brethren have retired and the lights are 
 all put out. 
 And Sargent breaks the darkness by his snore. 
 And F. Biddle's strange demeanour with his laugh like 
 a hyena 
 Adds a horror to his neighbours on that floor, 
 
 Then Sam is heard to murmur in the visions of his 
 sleep 
 
 One name and many episodes of bliss ; 
 So we 're on to his affairs, and he now no longer cares 
 
 To conceal the fatal passion which is his. 
 
 For he cannot read the writing of his fair one's billet- 
 doux. 
 So he seeks a kindred spirit, Billy Ladd. 
 Ladd shows the bright bronze hair he is known to 
 always wear 
 In a locket next his heart — oh, it is sad. 
 
 So Sam just guzzles candy and thus tries to drown his 
 woes. 
 But even that small comfort is denied; 
 For you see the Master knows with the assistance of 
 his nose 
 Certain facts that may be taking place inside. 
 [ 292 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 "Oh, who is that old gentleman 
 
 Who reads the Christmas tale?" 
 Said Gavin Hadden Sunday evening last. 
 
 I really cannot tell a 
 
 Naughty fib — he said "old fella" — 
 But I feared the truth might make you stand 
 aghast. 
 
 "That's Mr. Peabodee/'i^ 
 
 Rae Rogers cried with glee. 
 "He and the Rector look like one another 
 
 So very much that he 
 
 A relative must be. 
 The Rector's nephew, or at least his brother." 
 
 But the little Lawrence girl. 
 
 Her brain was in a whirl. 
 And without a bit intending to be naughty. 
 
 When Sam Hinckley came to-night 
 
 With a transport of delight. 
 She greeted him, "Why hello. Uncle Cottie." 
 
 A new little lady, a new little gent,^^ 
 
 Have come to the School, though they can't read 
 or write. 
 Do you think they have any idea what is meant 
 
 By the talk of the boys who get up to recite.^ 
 
 Oh, bless you, my friend, they are not here to learn. 
 But just to give favours in some jolly way. 
 
 Young Jeff's reputation he yet has to earn. 
 But Susan began with a half holiday. 
 [ 293 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Miss Susan 's all right, and we hope t' other one. 
 When his bearings are got and he knows what is 
 called 
 Important, will do just as Susan has done. 
 
 Here 's health to young Jeff — niay he never grow 
 bald. 
 
 I often give squibs to the Sixth Form H 
 
 On Homer and kindred matters. 
 They don't always do them, but nobody cares. 
 
 Their knowledge is made up of smatters. 
 
 One day the three graces appeared in the verse; 
 
 I told them the sweet names of two. 
 But could n't remember the third, so I said, 
 
 "1 '11 leave, then, the question to you." 
 
 Now Disgustus Hummingbird ^^ thinks that he knows 
 
 A good deal about the three graces. 
 So he hunted with diligence page after page— 
 
 Can you tell what he found in all places.'' 
 
 One name, one name only, confronted his view, 
 Though he searched through a mountain of books ; 
 
 Though two graces might differ, yet ever the third 
 Rejoiced in the surname of Brooks.^^ 
 
 With a shave of his whiskers and general prink, 
 
 And his charming society smile. 
 This third of the graces sits yonder, I think ; 
 
 You could tell 't was a grace half a mile. 
 
 [ 294 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 I 've often been puzzled and never have learned 
 
 Why Richards is growing so stout. 
 He sits next to Heaton; I 've thought it might be 
 
 'T is catching, but never found out. 
 
 The question what fills him is simple enough — 
 I heard him exclaim last Thanksgiving, 
 
 With one of his well-known poetical bursts, 
 "I 'm filled with the pure joy of living." 
 
 Why is n't the School more concerned at the fact 
 That meat has gone up in its cost all around? 
 
 It was thought we should feel very bad when we 
 heard 
 We had to pay more by just five cents a pound. 
 
 Yet nobody seems very worried, for meat 
 Is put on the tables the same as before; 
 
 But somehow we cannot compel boys to eat. 
 
 Do they think we '11 go bankrupt in case they take 
 more? 
 
 Oh, no, it 's not wholly regard for the School, 
 
 They 're thinking of health and physique, and 
 they've heard 
 That to grow big and strong they must make it a 
 rule 
 To give up their meat and their fish — it 's absurd. 
 
 Twelve biscuits a day, that is all that they want; 
 The School thinks it's great, for it's cheaper, I 
 ween. 
 
 [ 295 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 It 's a sort of sour milk and of sand that they take, 
 A wonderful thing. Brother Miles' s Protein. ^^ 
 
 It makes no allowance for study, one sees; 
 
 You walk many miles and play fives, but I wish 
 Boys knew that for brains and exams and degrees. 
 
 For things such as those there is nothing like fish. 
 
 Do you understand the language 
 
 Of the dainty summer girl.^ 
 Sign language is a thing I 've never learned; 
 But a maiden once last summer 
 
 Set my pulses in a whirl. 
 She held her left hand out, I felt concerned. 
 
 But though I asked the question of my little friends 
 at School, 
 What the gesture meant, what token did it hide. 
 No one could tell the answer, why, not even Seward 
 Webb 
 Had known it from his dusky Indian bride. 
 
 Ask Dooney,^^ he can tell you, when a girl her left 
 extends. 
 And offers you her dainty little fist. 
 It means that she is willing just to be the best of 
 friends. 
 Though Dooney says it means she 's to be kissed. 
 
 " I 've heard of culling grapes from thorns 
 And figs upon the thistle, 
 [ 296 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 But there 's a Thorn who owns a plant 
 More quaint by far," says Kissel.^^ 
 
 Now Latin roots I do not doubt 
 
 He digs when he has leisure. 
 But out of all his garden strange 
 
 What plant's his special treasure? 
 
 The tree which flourishes the best 
 
 In his plantation stony, 
 Producing fruit three times a week 
 
 Is called the maccaroni. 
 
 One point 's in my mind that I want to suggest 
 Of things in the future : and you, famous bard, 
 
 Are wise in those matters, it 's part of your task 
 To answer me whether it 's easy or hard. 
 
 This new year that 's coming, how full will it be 
 Of victories for Groton — decided ones too? 
 
 Will boys take a brace, and again shall we see 
 
 Some Brown or Dave Hawkins or Harry Markoe ? 
 
 Defeats, my good friend, if they do not last long, 
 Are good for the character — steady us all. 
 
 Our Groton 's still Groton, the spirit 's still strong, 
 I '11 show you my meaning next spring and next 
 fall. 
 
 November the seventh 's a very sad day. 
 
 But the School 's been united, of that we 're agreed, 
 
 [ 297 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And sixteen to nothing 's a cheap price to pay 
 If all the boys rally to help the School's need. 
 
 Our prospects have never more fav'rable been. 
 We '11 pull all together the boys and the men. 
 
 The captains are fine ones, we surely shall win. 
 Here's a rousing good health to both Lydig and 
 Ben.i9 
 
 Lloyd Derby is so silent, so mature, and so profound. 
 That I fear that something 's happened to the lad. 
 
 What makes him look so glum and rubber listlessly 
 around ? 
 What is it, brother poet, makes him sad? 
 
 Is it Islesboro he 's thinking of and summer and its 
 
 joy? 
 
 Or has he, do you think, a painful pain? 
 Perhaps he does n't like it to be called an older boy. 
 It may be Mr. Ayrault could explain. 
 
 Yes, poet, you have hit it, for misled by his mustache 
 With the older brethren once he him did mix; 
 
 Beguiled by his appearance, and though maybe it was 
 rash. 
 He caught him Tuesday night and slapped him six. 
 
 Of Charlie Lawrance I fain would know 
 
 About his automobile. 
 Will moonbeams really make it go? 
 
 Or is the whole thing; a steal? 
 
 & 
 
 [ 298 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 For he 's offered me shares, and Ed Corning declares 
 
 That the outfit 's straight, he 's sure. 
 He has been down to Ayer, seen the factory there, 
 
 And would buy one if not too poor. 
 
 Not moonbeams, good poet, but wind makes it mote. 
 
 If he wants it to Bubble with ease. 
 He '11 just blow on the cornet an ear-splitting note. 
 
 And Sidney will furnish the Breese. 
 
 When autumn rains began to pour 
 
 In buckets on the head. 
 The lads of the third twenty-two 
 
 Just broke up ranks and fled. 
 
 Now what to do no player knew 
 
 While storm was raging loud. 
 So to the children's play-house straight 
 
 Flew the whole dripping crowd. 
 
 And how to pass the dreary time 
 
 They really could not say. 
 Tell me, good poet, what they did, 
 
 To while the hours away. 
 
 Chauncey McCormick undertook 
 
 The throng to entertain. 
 He talked until the rafters shook 
 
 And quite drowned out the rain. 
 
 The ladies listened, and they longed 
 The cruel storm might pass, 
 [ 299 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But Chauncey talked till darkness came 
 And then supplied the gas. 
 
 Oh, Spiggotty Nick ^o is Nature's Child, 
 And Baa Lamb ^^ is Nature's Freak — 
 
 Got toothpowder tangled one day in his wool. 
 And his hair it was white for a week. 
 
 And Butter- Pat ^^ wishes his teeth were long 
 Like Addison Thayer's, for example. 
 
 Just so he could eat till he 'd gobbled enough 
 And enlarged his proportions ample. 
 
 But what was Lowell the poet about 
 
 When he dashed off the "Ancient Mariner".? 
 
 I asked Charlie Greenough to tell what he knew 
 Anent that eccentric foreigner. 
 
 The question has puzzled the critics' wits. 
 
 But Charlie asserts that Lowell 
 Just wanted to show how much he did know. 
 
 And Coleridge did n't write so well. 
 
 'Tis a treatise on birds. "Don't be cruel to pets. 
 
 Especially albatross, 
 A creature quite plenty and one which in strolls 
 
 I often have come across." 
 
 Good poet, we are growing just a trifle stale and 
 hoarse 
 With singing rhymes as year succeeds to year. 
 [ 300 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1900 
 
 Perhaps we 'd better stop and give some other folks 
 a chance; 
 There may be others we might like to hear. 
 
 Oh, yes, there 's bards in bunches, at the table where 
 you sit. 
 
 Sweet Singer Larned ^^ sits enwreathed in laurel, 
 His soul just brimming over with rich melody and wit; 
 
 He 's the centre of a famous poet's quarrel. 
 
 Jack Peabody and Woolsey and like great poetic souls 
 
 One day a competition held in verse. 
 Jack cribbed from Rubaiyat and Woolsey cribbed from 
 Scott, 
 
 And Larned said he never had seen worse. 
 
 As to Scott's he said that Woolsey's verse was full of 
 bad mistakes, 
 
 While Peabody' s was simply tommy-rot. 
 He proceeded then to show how the verses ought to go. 
 
 Well, 'twas very fine indeed — I pity Scott. 
 
 So if ever Mrs. Lawrence wants a better set of rhymes. 
 She 's only got to call upon your table ; 
 
 For tragedy or comedy or lyric or romance. 
 Or to write a corking sonnet, they are able. 
 
 And Cryder wants to join them for the practice that 
 it gives; 
 He also wants to be a bard divine 
 That he may make a living by inditing Easter cards. 
 With here and there a tender valentine. 
 [ 301 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 
 
 Mr. Stu?'gis. 
 ^ Mr. Ayrault. 
 ^ Mr. F. Young. 
 
 4 "Bor—Mr. Abbott. 
 
 5 M. S. Hare. 
 
 ^ Mr. Grisrvold. 
 ' Mr. Gushing. 
 ^ E. Stillman. 
 » G. C. W. Low. 
 
 Popular Swedish exercises. 
 
 H. H. Fay, Jr. 
 
 The Rector s father. 
 
 Children of Mr. Sturgis and Mr. Jefferson^ 
 
 Augustus Hemenway, Jr. 
 
 Gorham. 
 
 Mr. Miles' s visit gave rise to a vegetarian fad, 
 
 R. Duane Humphreys. 
 
 W. Thorn Kissel. 
 » B. Joy. 
 20 J. D. Nichols. 
 ^^ B. Sturgis. 
 
 22 C. Hodges. 
 
 23 Albert Cecil. 
 
 2* Ogden Cryder. 
 
 [ 302 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 1901 
 
 OH_, listen, my children, and I will tell 
 A mournful tale of a summer hotel. 
 And the fate of brave Don Nichols.^ 
 'T was the night of the annual summer ball, 
 And the tables were moved from the dining-hall. 
 And gone were the doughnuts and pickles. 
 
 The fiddles were tuned and the band struck up. 
 The floor was smooth for this hotel hop. 
 
 And here my tale begins. 
 Oh, Spiggotty Nick is Nature's Child, 
 His figure is fierce and his eye is wild; 
 
 He 's a dancer from neck to shins. 
 
 That night he 'd bidden a lady fair 
 
 His fate — for that evening at least — to share. 
 
 And her heart went pitty pat. 
 She arrived an hour before the dance. 
 He had n't appeared, she took in at a glance, 
 
 So waiting she patiently sat. 
 
 She sat for an hour, she sat for two. 
 But nary a Nick rejoiced her view. 
 
 At intervals she slept. 
 She sat all night till the ball was done, ' 
 
 But Don never came, — that faithless one. 
 
 And the hapless maiden wept. 
 
 [ 303 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 You see, that night the unfortunate Spiggotty 
 Was looking so handsome and feehng so biggitty 
 
 That he thought it would do quite well 
 If he wore his flannels and no dress suit. 
 From his yachting cap to his polished boot 
 
 He was really no end of a swell. 
 
 But the hard-hearted ushers had orders severe, 
 They found on the whole his appearance queer; 
 
 So they said with politeness, ^^Nick, 
 You're very good looking, but can't come in; 
 Without a dress suit you would look like sin. 
 
 So you 'd better clear out of here quick." 
 
 I felt a little nervous lest this annual report 
 To some would seem monotonous, to others rather short ; 
 And so to set my worn-out mind at rest from its anxiety. 
 And also that I might present a little more variety, 
 I hired two young authors — Daland Chandler and 
 
 the poet 
 J. Hinckley. So where praise is due, kind hearers will 
 
 bestow it. 
 
 Extract the first, by Chandler, is choke-full of wit and 
 
 reason. 
 With just a dash of nonsense and with not a little 
 
 treason. 
 While Hinckley's work you '11 recognize for its poetic 
 
 flavour; 
 The style is light indeed, but then we would n't wish 
 
 it graver. 
 
 [ 304 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 ^["Once more the festive day comes round, 
 To recollect, each one enjoys. 
 
 That seventeen years ago to-day 
 
 A School decidedly O. K. 
 Was organized for boys. 
 
 "And only think if those kind men 
 Who met to find out how^ 
 To run a School had disagreed 
 And let the project go to seed. 
 Think wliere we might be now! 
 
 "And as our memories revert 
 
 And fancy wanders free. 
 Let us a moment pause to think 
 Upon ourselves, the only link 
 
 'Twixt past and times to be. 
 
 "Let us a moment look within. 
 
 And see what is the fun 
 Between the Master and the boy. 
 To tell the truth what Ot IIoAXot 
 
 Has been and gone and done. 
 
 "But let us for an instant pause, 
 
 A welcoming extending 
 To all new-comers with us here. 
 To all of them, most hearty cheer. 
 
 And happiness unending. 
 
 "Rumour flits round — as rumours do — 
 And tells a tale I'd tell to you, 
 About our worthy Rector. 
 [ 305 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 In tennis — though he Hkes the game — 
 Mixed doubles did he loud disclaim 
 And was a great objector. 
 
 "But yet when summer came around, 
 It found him on the tennis ground 
 
 In doubles mixed competing; 
 And as he played, one well could see 
 He and his '^ mixed' did so agree 
 
 That they came near defeating. 
 
 "But sad to say, when they came to 
 The finals and were almost through. 
 
 They met with a disaster; 
 For though th' opposing ^ mixed' were small. 
 They juggled with the tennis-ball. 
 
 And vanquished our Head Master. 
 And now I wonder what 's his view 
 About mixed doubles; do not you? 
 
 "Beals Wright this summer, so it's told, 
 His reputation just could hold 
 
 Against our valiant Snapper ^ ; 
 For Snapper played the game so well — 
 At least he said he did — 
 That Beals before him almost fell, 
 P. Pearson is no napper. 
 
 '^Swoboda, for the trifling sum 
 Of ten to twenty dollars, 
 
 [ 306 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 Will tell one how to gain in strength, 
 
 If he his dictates ^follers.' 
 So Chapin theorizing that 
 
 He 'd like a bigger arm. 
 Sat down and to Swoboda wrote 
 A practical explaining note. 
 
 Ten dollars — what's the harm? 
 
 "And now if you should chance to meet 
 
 In life's tumultuous hustle, 
 A man with calves as large as cows. 
 Whose coat no extra room allows. 
 
 It 's Louis and his muscle. 
 
 '^One evening G. Low wished to find 
 
 What chloroform was like. 
 And so he got some liniment 
 And smelt it. ^What er lovely scent. 
 
 Yes, what er lucky strike!' 
 And as he smelt, he zigzagged round. 
 And fell at last upon the ground. 
 
 Intoxicated quite. 
 Ah, boys, alas, I 'm forced to say 
 From Low you 'd better keep away. 
 
 "What were those curious things I saw.-* 
 They looked uncommonly like kegs. 
 I wondered more and more and more. 
 Until I ceased to wonder, for 
 
 I found they were but Perry's * legs."] 
 
 [ 307 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Here Chandler's verses end, my friends, 
 Now hearken all to Julian; 
 
 His poem 's not so very long. 
 But still it is a bully one. 
 
 5 ["Hubble Bubbles, Rubble Doubles, 
 What now troubles Bubbles?® 
 Just a horrid wild commotion. 
 He has got a sort of notion 
 
 "Something in the cellar 's brewing. 
 Mister Lawrence, what are they doing? 
 Oh, Bubbles Fry, oh. Bubbles, fie! 
 
 I thought you were a glutton. 
 When first I saw you pass the door. 
 
 With pockets stuffed with mutton. 
 But now I know it was not so. 
 
 To eat you had no wishes; 
 With pin and weight and this for bait 
 
 You meant to catch us fishes. 
 You 're very kind, but never mind. 
 
 We always have enough. 
 For Friday's meal is all, we feel. 
 
 That we could nicely rough. 
 That you are quite a sportsman too, 
 
 There surely is no doubt. 
 But there are things you should not do 
 
 When you are catching trout. 
 
 '^ Never employ another boy 
 To loudly whack the water, 
 [ 308 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 And never use a safety-pin — 
 No sportsman ever ought ter. 
 
 "Oh, Bubbles, when the poets' fount 
 For squibs is running dry. 
 Your deeds come ever bubbUng up 
 With ^Did you hear of Fry?' 
 
 *'I fear when comes your dread School bill 
 The items will be large. 
 For when you ever order things 
 You always add, 'Please charge'! 
 
 "Kind Bubbles, I must leave you now. 
 My Muse has caught afire. 
 For all of yous have heard the news 
 That Woden "^'s in the Choir. 
 
 "'Oh, such a voice!' the ladies say. 
 
 'Was ever voice like that? 
 So firm, so true.' When he is through — 
 
 Oh, no, he 's never flat. 
 We may remark when he is through. 
 The organ's sharp a note or two — 
 
 Organic trouble that."] 
 
 ® Since those gifted authors now both have been 
 heard, 
 'Tis high time for "Teacher" to put in a word. 
 
 [ 309 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 There is quiet in the school-room of a sunny afternoon. 
 And black mark School 's in progress to the same old 
 
 hum-drum tune. 
 Occasionally hornets or mosquitoes flit about. 
 Occasionally idle boys are ruthlessly stood out. 
 The Rev' rend Mr. B. perchance indulges in a doze. 
 And all around him breathes an air of comfort and 
 
 repose ; 
 
 When at the door appears in state, that jewel of our 
 
 nation, 
 Chauncey McCormick, leading a Chicago delegation. 
 Then Mr. Billings started up and seemed a trifle 
 
 dotty. 
 He shouted loud to Malcolm,^ "You are idle, stand 
 
 out, Cottie." 
 
 And when the introductions by McCormick were gone 
 
 through with, 
 Mr. Billings had more manners than he quite knew 
 
 what to do with. 
 And so with words of welcome, highly polished and 
 
 most fancy. 
 The embarrassed Rev' rend gentleman bowed and 
 
 shook hands with — Chauncey. 
 
 I was not a little shocked one day. 
 
 On visiting the village. 
 Where all the famous candy shops 
 
 Submit so oft to pillage, 
 
 C 310 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 On entering the famous shop 
 
 Where good things are dispensed, 
 
 To see MacDonald ^^ and to hear 
 A speech I give condensed: 
 
 "Good Mr. Bruce, no sweets to-day, 
 
 I 've come to your bazaar. 
 And wish that you would give me your 
 
 Cheapest one cent cigar." 
 
 A land office business is run as I hear 
 By no less a person than Charhe Lanier, 
 
 With houses to let and to sell; 
 Four dollars a season for huts is his charge. 
 With taxes thrown in for a den not so large. 
 
 And likewise he runs a hotel. 
 
 Fred Burnham was lazy, he could n't be bored 
 By the labour of building when he could afford 
 
 To purchase a palace complete; 
 So a handsome well-furnished apartment he hires, 
 Far down in my woods into which he retires. 
 
 When his one great desire is to eat. 
 
 Oh, mirror, mirror on the wall. 
 Who is the fairest of us all.^ 
 Can it be Larned,^^ whose soft heart 
 Is caused with anguish sore to smart. 
 When he an ancient lady wrecks. 
 Such his devotion to the sex? 
 
 [ 311 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 In grief he took him to his bed. 
 Where one fair damsel fanned his head; 
 Two others held his burning hands^ 
 While Bertie murmured in a trance. 
 As anxiously the dear ones stood, 
 "You girls have done me heaps of good." 
 
 "Nay," says Thorn Kissel, '4t is clear 
 Our true Napoleon Belvidere 
 Can be none else than Billy Ladd, 
 And some experience he 's had." 
 
 For instance. Rose, the other day. 
 Punched Kissel's head in roughish play. 
 When on his neck he 'd sought repose — 
 There is no Thorn without its Rose.^^ 
 
 "Such treatment I cannot permit. 
 Familiarity unfit; 
 I only wish such actions tender 
 From persons of the other gender.'* 
 
 He 's rather handsome, too, himself. 
 Is Thorny Kissel, that weird elf. 
 Though his mustache is somewhat slow. 
 In fact, well-nigh declines to grow. 
 
 It really should be let alone. 
 Examined through a megaphone; 
 No wonder, on his lip quite bare 
 He can't discern a single hair. 
 [ 312 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 We think that Ogden Cryder, too, 
 
 Must be in looks surpassed by few. 
 
 On entering the other day 
 
 The room where he does work — and play. 
 
 His friends aver that he was found 
 Whistling and waltzing round and round. 
 Thinking of happy scenes last summer 
 When Islesb'ro' found him such a hummer. 
 And every time he by did pass. 
 He 'd gaze enraptured at the glass. 
 
 There once was a boy from Buffalo town ^^ 
 
 Escaped from the Midway there. 
 He had looped the loop and had flipped the flap 
 
 At the great Pan-American Fair. 
 
 They sent him away from Buffalo town 
 
 As a marvellous curiosity; 
 He got a hundred in Greek last year. 
 
 And shows other signs of precocity. 
 
 His name is Ann, though he '11 soon be a man, 
 
 -Sley Wilcox Sawyer in full. 
 And to tell you the truth, he 's the cleanliest youth 
 
 Ever heard of in Groton School. 
 
 For he took a hot bath upon Saturday night. 
 
 And no matter how hard he tried. 
 He might rub and scrub till he 'd busted the tub, 
 
 He could n't be satisfied. 
 [ 318 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 He gave it up in despair at last, 
 "There's dirt enough here to dig, 
 
 And there 's no use trying/' said he, "to wash. 
 This water is on the pig." 
 
 I once heard a rumpus in front of the house 
 And crept out to see it as still as a mouse. 
 And there I beheld, full of beauty and grace. 
 The Peabody kids in a three-legged race. 
 
 When Lydig ^* was sent by the Rector to stop it. 
 Said he, "Dearest ladies, I beg you to drop it." 
 "Who told you to tell us.^" the ladies replied. 
 "'Twas the Rector himself," Lydig said with some 
 
 pride. 
 "Oh, ho, pooh, pooh, pooh! Only he!" they exclaim. 
 And with perfect composure continue the game. 
 
 I grieve to state, in the School of late 
 
 Fine dressing 's the thing to do. 
 Freddie Schenck has selected for underwear 
 
 A beautiful suiting of blue. 
 And Shepley's pijamas are perfect charmers. 
 
 The rainbow is pale beside 'em. 
 And Jack Peabody' s stocking is simply shocking. 
 
 And his shirts, you might think he 'd dyed 'em. 
 
 But when one so staid as that dear old maid, 
 Warren Robbins, affects such a fashion 
 
 As real fish netting for shirts, we 're getting 
 A regular Bowery dash on. 
 
 [ 314 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 And Potsey ^^ declares that two colours in hairs 
 Are the thing for Beau Brummels to-day, 
 
 So he 's died half his tow to a golden glow 
 In a truly delectable way. 
 
 But really the line must be drawn at some spot, 
 The remarkable costume of Clam ! ^^ 
 
 Not how he was rigged up, but how he was not, 
 When he dashed from the Gym with a slam ! 
 
 Ah, me, it was a sorry sight. 
 
 On Monday evening last. 
 To see poor Grosvenor ^^ quit the room 
 
 With blood down streaming fast. 
 
 He held his pocket handkerchief 
 
 To hide his painful woes 
 Up to his face — we thought the gore 
 
 Was coming from his nose. 
 
 But no, it seems some friend in play 
 Had squeezed on Grosvenor' s head 
 
 His sponge in lavatory sport — 
 
 That 's why the stream looked red. 
 
 The annual custom and wisdom forbids 
 
 That from these, my brief lines, I should leave out the 
 
 kids. 
 Although opportunities always are few 
 To make their acquaintance and jump on them too. 
 
 [ 315 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The kids take no Greek till they've turned into goats. 
 And when I make rhymes on what some one else 
 
 quotes, 
 I mix up the nicknames and get things all twisted, 
 And sometimes describe things that never existed. 
 
 And since I don't teach them for three or four years. 
 The one way to get at the curves of the dears 
 Is to ask them to tea or to google on Sunday, 
 And so I '11 begin with what happened on one day. 
 
 To roast a kid take my receipt. 
 Select one of the softest meat. 
 
 And put him on to Fry.^^ 
 You '11 be rewarded for your trouble 
 When he begins to seethe and Bubble 
 
 And sputter by and by. 
 
 I longed amid the group of quaint 'uns 
 To make this Bubble Fry's acquaintance. 
 
 So asked him once to tea. 
 ' T was Sunday, so with hesitation 
 He asked if on this great occasion 
 
 A Bible needed he. 
 
 There 's a kid with a name that suggests strong drink. 
 
 And his other name is Gray ^^ ; 
 You never can tell what this kid may think. 
 
 Nor what game he is going to play. 
 
 The place he selects on the first eleven 
 Is short stop he avers. 
 
 [ 316 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 And second bass (in the Choir, not the nine) 
 Is the post which he prefers. 
 
 You see since the basses sit in front. 
 
 And since he's so handsome — this Whiskey, 
 
 He 'd Uke to be seen in the front row, too. 
 Unless the experiment 's risky. 
 
 But, alas, Mr. Nichols has vetoed his plans 
 And assigned him a humble position, 
 
 Where he only may sit with enfolded hands. 
 On the benches of Prohibition.^*^ 
 
 I sometimes gaze upon these kids 
 
 With trembling agitation; 
 Hog piles and rapid transit games 
 
 Fill me with trepidation. 
 
 The other day a yelling horde, 
 
 Gus Gray was at their head. 
 Rushed in pursuit across the sward. 
 
 And Wetmore saw and fled. 
 
 They had a game wherein they 'd drag 
 
 Timmins or Turkey Lum Tum ^^ 
 Or Boit like lightning o'er the grass. 
 
 And then sit on his tum tum. 
 
 There is smiling Billy Prescott 
 
 Amid these fearful scenes. 
 His cunning little waistcoat 
 
 Swelled out by countless beans. 
 [ 317 ] 
 
GllOTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Three helps he made away with. 
 
 And then regretted sore 
 His distended shirt too tight with dessert 
 
 Would n't let him accommodate four. 
 
 Which reminds me of Harold Stokes, 
 Who 's never left out of these jokes. 
 The butter that 's raised on his famous estates 
 Is the best in the world as himself relates. 
 
 And so is the.maccaroni. 
 He burst into tears one day. 
 For he 's had to come away. 
 He was getting so stout that his anxious nurse 
 Feared seven more helps might but make him worse 
 
 And refused them with countenance stony. 
 
 But ere I return to my muttons, 
 
 A place on the list of gluttons 
 
 Is reserved for Prince — Skinny Prince,^^ I mean, 
 
 Who gobbles and gobbles and still stays lean, 
 
 'Tis the fault of a poor digestion. 
 For he gobbles and guzzles and gorges. 
 And indulges in sugar sauce orgies ; 
 But in spite of all that he don't seem to get fat, 
 I wonder what can be the reason of that. 
 
 Miss Burnett ^^ might answer the question. 
 
 I fain would these moments of laughter prolong 
 And add lots of things to this annual song. 
 To tell of the look that Ting 2* wears on his face, 
 'T is quite a pathetic and stony stare case. 
 
 [ 318 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 And how Puggy Osborn ^^ pursues his pug nose ; 
 The pug will turn tiger some day if he grows. 
 To sing Stewart's ^^ fame and the raft that he made, 
 But would n't sail on it_, 't would sink he 's afraid. 
 
 I fain would repeat how my heart was made warm 
 When Jauchincloss ^^ ventured to join the Sixth Form. 
 And sweetly the music resounds in mine ears 
 When at matches he steps forth and leads the School 
 cheers. 
 
 I 'd like to inform you how Seward Webb spells 
 An automobile, with three o's, e's and I's. 
 And talking of spelling, a place in my song 
 Should be found for C. Burden's R-n-g-e wrong. 
 
 To tell of R. Hooper's remarkable trail 
 Over oceans untrod and dry land without sail. 
 How a syndicate 's started among the big brothers 
 Of Burden and Hooper and Low and the others: 
 
 Each chips in a quarter when black marks are scored 
 And a dinner at Christmas will be the reward. 
 How during a football game list'ning to Luce, 
 I found he was singing, and pleads for excuse; 
 
 Though strange things he does and mistakes by the 
 
 dozen. 
 He's really a peach ; Grinsome Dan ^^ is his cousin. 
 Who always stands up against George West's abuse, 
 And 's no end of a comfort to woebegone Luce. 
 
 [ 319 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Although I confess, that perpetual grinner 
 
 Is sometimes, I fear me, a treacherous sinner. 
 
 He 's given away how his cousin, that peach. 
 
 Has prepared for to-night a long typewritten speech. 
 
 I 'd also relate a whole lot of mistakes, 
 
 Though some may be true, they are most of them 
 
 fakes. 
 How Cutting — Suydam thought the place to keep 
 
 meat 
 Was a refrigerator because of the heat. 
 
 How good Mr. B. said, "The longer the task 
 The more time to waste," and how Prescott did ask 
 If portly John Richards was really a Master. 
 Since then John looks proud and but waddles the 
 faster. 
 
 How Twombly thinks helmets and long padded 
 
 knickers 
 Are only for captains and no other kickers. 
 And thought Mr. Abbott a cross, fat old man. 
 While F. Prince thought eye teeth from the forehead 
 
 began. 
 
 I also a moment would crave to explain 
 How Newbold used soap for a pain in a vein. 
 How young Pearson was found all alone in a bog. 
 Sadly singing about the expiring frog. 
 
 How P. D. ^^ got sent out to our grief and surprise 
 Because he and C. Burden would make googoo eyes. 
 
 [ 320 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1901 
 
 To tell of the picture in Bunny's ^® watch-case^ 
 And the toothpowder Stewart employs on his face. 
 
 How Farr tried to charm a fair maiden out boating 
 By singing — that lady must sure have been doting. 
 Although Mr. Gladwin indulges in song, 
 I would quote what he says, but it 's rather too long. 
 
 One song's about Tubby and sit on the sofa, — 
 Oh, not Tubby Thayer, I don't mean that young 
 
 loafer, — 
 And one which has set all our thoughts in a whirl. 
 Goes thus, "Oh, my Pearl is my only best girl." 
 
 B. Sturgis grows musical when he hears that. 
 
 And says, "Let me have women about that are fat." 
 
 But really I 'm just about tired to death 
 
 And simply have not left an atom of breath. 
 
 So here I must finish and down I must sit. 
 
 If you have n't been mentioned this time, you are It. 
 
 [ 321 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 J. D. Nichols — "Natures Child "—"Spiggotty Nick." 
 Part of poem hy H. D. Chandler. 
 
 ^ Pennington Pearson. 
 ^ Perm Heaton. 
 
 5 
 6 
 
 3rry 
 
 Julian Hinckley s part. 
 
 John Fry. 
 7 Mr. Woods. 
 ^ W. A. G. resumes. 
 » M. Peabody. 
 « G. MacDonald. 
 ^ Bartie. 
 
 Thorn Kissel and Selden Rose. 
 
 Ansley TV. Sawyer. 
 
 Lydig Hoyt. 
 
 Horvard Potter of the Sunburnt Torv head. 
 
 Leander Plummer. 
 
 W. Grosvenor. 
 
 John Fry— "Bubbles." 
 
 Gray Zabriskie — " Whiskey." 
 
 20 ''Probationers." 
 
 21 A. Low. 
 
 2^ Morton Prince. 
 
 2^ Infirmary Nurse. 
 
 2* F. Cutting. 
 
 2^ Fairfield Osborn aimed for Princeton. 
 
 26 W. R Stcjvart, Jr. 
 
 2'^ J. Auchincloss. 
 
 2^ Daniel Davis. 
 
 2^ Paul Draper. 
 
 ^^ Henry Watson. 
 
 [ 322 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1901 
 
 Well, Oracle dear, we are at it again. 
 
 For seventeen years we have done it before; 
 Supposing we say we will come to an end 
 
 When poems we 've written just seventeen more. 
 
 Though no, we '11 not stop, for the School won't permit. 
 Because Mrs. Lawrence has made such a threat. 
 
 That she will not sing if we let up a bit, 
 I guess we '11 keep going a longish time yet. 
 
 It 's holiday time, and the boys we have made 
 To give up their work for a fortnight or so. 
 
 'Twas hard to persuade them that they'd be repaid 
 If studies and books to the wind they would throw. 
 
 They 've yielded, however; they 're off as we thought 
 For home and their fathers and mothers so dear. 
 
 To celebrate Christmas as every one ought. 
 The festival, gladdest of all the whole year. 
 
 Wilt tell me what's happened to football of late? 
 
 The boys used to talk of a vict'ry with pride. 
 It 's such a good sport that one surely would hate 
 
 To think that a love for the game had quite died. 
 
 The School in the past has n't ever been quite 
 So proud of its nine as its ball-kicking band. 
 
 Though both sets of players put up a good fight, 
 A diamond 's fine, but a gridiron 's grand. 
 [ 323 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 You never could come to our Groton before 
 
 Without hearing much about rushes and tricks. 
 
 They 'd ask if you knew of some wonderful score, 
 A forty-six ought, or eleven to six. 
 
 But things have been quiet for one or two years. 
 The boys have n't wanted to say very much. 
 
 Perhaps they 've been waiting, from all that one hears, 
 To get the St. Markers again in their clutch. 
 
 Our season just over has been very nice. 
 And everything 's easily now understood. 
 
 The boys have n't talked, but have been cutting ice. 
 And Lydig 's been quietly sawing his wood. 
 
 We 'spec ted our team was a-going to be fine. 
 For Lou^ was a terror and Don^ wasn't slow. 
 
 We 'd Drexel ^ and Nathan * both up in the line. 
 And out at the end was our stalwart Greenough.^ 
 
 There were Quickety Sam ^ and our Biggoty Bayard,' 
 And a very good Link ^ in the line, so it looks. 
 
 The enemy shortly began to get tired, 
 
 AndDiggy ^ discovered a speedway through Brooks. 
 
 But ain't it been fun to see Spiggotty ^® run 
 
 When our plucky young quarter-back ^^ gave him 
 the ball.? 
 
 The blocking, we know, has been very well done. 
 The speed of the back has n't counted for all. 
 
 [ 324 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 Still ain't it been fun to see Spiggotty run, 
 
 To stand and just watch him encircle the end? 
 
 We 're glad to have had him in games that we 've won, 
 We 're proud such a runner to college to send. 
 
 November the sixth was a harassing day. 
 
 Upon it were centred our hopes and our fears. 
 
 We were a bit worried, we may as well say. 
 We 'd waited to win fully two weary years. 
 
 When Dillwyn ^^ ran in for his sixty-five yards 
 And others went over the line, we could be 
 
 Quite easy in mind ; we 'd a theme for us bards, 
 That score of a zero to just twenty- three. 
 
 And Lydig, my boy, you 've a right to be proud 
 Of the game that we played in your year, for it ranks 
 
 As one of the greatest of all of the crowd. 
 
 To you and your team, Groton's heartiest thanks. 
 
 And now that we 've struck as before the right gait. 
 We '11 win again soon just as sure as you 're born; 
 
 We 're five games ahead, but till next autumn wait, 
 We guess 't will be six, it is up to our Shaun.^^ 
 
 We 're even in baseball, alas and alack ! 
 
 We hope, though, the record to change pretty quick. 
 Here 's luck to you, Charlie,^ to you and your Quack,^^ 
 
 We believe you together '11 accomplish the trick. ^^ 
 
 [ 325 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Are you still a-sitting there, 
 Mrs. Thayer, Mrs. Thayer ;^^ 
 
 Are you still a-sitting there, dearest lady.'* 
 For we heard you did declare 
 That you really could n't bear 
 
 To sit upon your chair, dearest lady. 
 
 Well, you said yourself, you know. 
 
 About half an hour ago 
 
 That you thought your former School 
 
 Would be acting like a fool 
 
 If they don't sing hallelujah. 
 
 So here 's a welcome to yer. 
 
 And we 're jolly glad to see yer. 
 And your husband too, how be yer? 
 And we hate to give you pain. 
 But next year we '11 try again. ^^ 
 
 I hear that Mr. Griswold has his limit reached at last. 
 His wonderful endurance is a legend of the past. 
 We always thought he never could be conquered by 
 
 fatigue. 
 He could play a dozen football games and run a hun- 
 dred league. 
 But I must ask you to reveal, oh, famous puzzle guesser. 
 What do you think has downed at last the wonder- 
 thewed professor .»* 
 
 He held a recitation for two youths of the Sixth Form 
 Who don't take Grk., but then at Math, they think 
 they 're rather warm. 
 
 [ 326 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 They drooled along so peacefully with figures on the 
 
 board 
 That poor Professor Griswold gave it up and loudly 
 
 snored. 
 
 They turned to him to ask him to elucidate some point, 
 Their ideas of trigonometry were somewhat out of 
 
 joint. 
 But what no labours could subdue, no hardship bring 
 
 to pass. 
 Had happened — Mr. Griswold was exhausted by his 
 
 class. 
 
 Oh, what do you think is the matter with Paul? ^ 
 He seems to my eyes quite sufficiently tall; 
 In fact, I admire a height that 's no bigger. 
 But something or other is wrong with his figure. 
 
 A classmate of his tried to answer the question. 
 And offered what seemed quite a happy suggestion. 
 'T would fill, he is certain, a want deeply felt, 
 If Drexel would try an obesity belt. 
 
 And talking of belts at this holiday time. 
 Good Oracle, can't you suggest for my rhyme 
 Some other, perhaps, who his belt has worn out. 
 Bust through by old age, for this person 's not stout? 
 
 Although if you offered ten dollars, he said, 
 He could not bring his foot an inch nearer his head. 
 When upon his great instep he 'd fain plant a kiss. 
 He's easy, good Oracle, guess who is this? 
 
 [ 827 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Frank Sargent, who knocked on the pane till it 
 
 smashed 
 To signal a maiden on whom he is mashed. 
 Would answer requirements, so I should say 
 His belt he has worn till it 's nigh given away. 
 
 And as to the reason his two ends don't meet. 
 It 's partly because of the size of his feet; 
 Though Hoppin could give him some pointers on size, 
 At home on the farm I 've observed with surprise. 
 
 His slippers he uses as box stalls at night, 
 
 And his boots for dog kennels, though somewhat too 
 
 tight. 
 He 's wondered and wondered why never a word 
 About him in these rhymes for four years has been 
 
 heard. 
 
 And then it was only to say he was fresh. 
 And though he is now a huge column of flesh. 
 That he 's turned very salt I 'd be hard to convince. 
 Though I 'd hate to aver he 's been fresh ever since. 
 
 Oh, what is the matter with Perry ^^ the fat? 
 
 He seems very shy as he awkwardly stands, 
 As though he 's not positive where he is at. 
 
 His pockets are always full up with his hands. 
 
 It cannot be true he 's afraid of the cold. 
 
 For I know that quite lately we had a hot day. 
 
 And yet Perry's hands were concealed, I am told. 
 As on to the chapel he wended his way. 
 [ 328 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 Ah, Perry, in future you '11 learn to take care 
 
 Above other things in what way you are dressed. 
 
 Especially henceforth I guess you '11 beware 
 Of the danger attached to a long undervest. 
 
 It's tempting, now ain't it, to pull down the sleeves 
 And tie them quite tightly right over your palms? 
 
 So Perry will wear from now on, he believes, 
 A bodice arrangement without any arms. 
 
 The mails have been crowded of late 
 With letters and parcels in bunches. 
 
 With ointments in packets ornate, 
 And all sorts of little free lunches. 
 
 Nose wash, Mellin's Food, and Wheatine, 
 And wonderful costly cosmetics, 
 
 With soap of an exquisite green. 
 And treatises long on aesthetics, 
 
 'Twas all to the selfsame address, 
 
 Albertus Caecilius Larned. 
 The sender's name doubtless you guess. 
 
 And also why Barty said "Darn it." 
 
 The truth is, last summer his nose 
 
 Had struck with amazement the ladies; 
 
 Its colour resembled the rose. 
 
 When richest and deepest its shade is. 
 
 And so in the greatest alarm 
 
 They sent a round robin to Keely, 
 [ 829 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 The gold cure man, begging some charm, 
 For Barty appeared to be wheely. 
 
 The Keely Cure people in haste 
 Sent samples and minute direction. 
 
 Saying, Barty had no time to waste 
 If he wanted to save his complexion. 
 
 A Bantam 's a kind of a chicken I 'm told. 
 
 Perhaps, then, you '11 tell us why Banty ^ 
 Has got such a nickname, oh, Oracle old. 
 
 Can he give you a reason, or can't he? 
 
 Oh, Shoot, I must ti-ie my ti-i-ie tighter 
 And my pa-a-ace I must qui-icken. 
 
 Or I shall be la-ate and find on my pla-ate 
 No ro-oast du-uck or chi-icken. 
 
 What's this that I hear about Baker,^^ his heart? 
 
 Affected they say, but I don't know quite how. 
 He looks very well and perhaps a great part 
 
 Of the trouble he had is all over by now. 
 
 A very queer symptom, however, it is. 
 
 That his heart is so well in the spring and the fall ; 
 But winter 'pears always to make it to friz. 
 
 The thing does n't seem to be beating at all. 
 
 It 's what Groton knows as an Addihump ^^ heart, 
 A local disease quite confined to the School. 
 
 The doctor admits it defies all his art. 
 
 The medical books for its cure have no rule. 
 
 [ ^330 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 Now Leonard runs hard at his baseball and such, 
 And his heart does n't budge at his leaps and his 
 jumps. 
 
 But it palpitates awful, you don't know how much 
 If he hears the bare sound of the word addihumps. 
 
 Can you throw any light, oh, Oracle bright. 
 
 On Boyer's perplexing distress? 
 He wishes to know what way he should go 
 
 To attain the degree A.S.S.? 
 
 He's heard of A.B.'s and such like degrees, 
 A.M., B.A.D., P.P.Q.; 
 
 But he said he did guess that a plain A.S.S. 
 For him would assuredly do. 
 
 He must study up chimes and the number of times 
 
 Some forty-two thousand they tell. 
 You ring changes with eight and he '11 then calculate 
 
 Five thousand that makes on one bell. 
 
 J. Whitney may talk of baked beans made of pork, 
 Dormy ^^ learns how to make grapes of currants, 
 
 Clifford 2^ knows sundry lore of the late Spanish War 
 And many a wondrous occurrence. 
 
 How Dewey commanded at Salamis fight. 
 
 And Sarac had marvellous legs. 
 And Appleton states that he Latin translates 
 
 Flirtatiously — hear him, he begs. 
 
 [ 331 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 While Potsey ^^ declares that one dances a jig 
 In New York at this holiday season, 
 
 In a path zig a zag he pronounces zig zig. 
 And is simply not open to reason. 
 
 Mr. Nichols has claimed — for concerning the Ark 
 He 's a trifle unsound in his knowledge — 
 
 Not Moses, but Jack, he would like to remark. 
 Was head of that animal college. 
 
 Oh, yes, A.S.S. is too easy I guess, 
 
 A duffer could earn the degree; 
 But as Sibley last week, a propos of his Greek, 
 
 Said, "Thanks, that's enough quite for me." 
 
 Little Mrs. Ayleshine,^^ sitting in the sun. 
 Eating-time approaches, lesson-time is done. 
 Little Pig they call him, young Augustus Low, 
 Tell me, gentle partner, why they name him so. 
 
 'Tis a reason funny — he one day of late 
 Had a lot of honey in a liquid state ; 
 Thinking he would like it formed within a mould 
 To a shape artistic when it had grown cold 
 Nought so much admiring as his shapely foot 
 Poured the loathsome mixture in his rubber boot. 
 
 Wilt tell me, oh, poet, what Watson ^^ has done 
 To change his appearance so much that you know 
 
 Boys hardly persuade themselves he 's the same one 
 They used to know perfectly well long ago.^* 
 [ 332 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 There's something gone wrong with his face I am 
 sure, 
 
 A whiter and much older look has appeared. 
 Perhaps he is trying to seem more mature, 
 
 I don't think he 's ill, as at first we all feared. 
 
 Why, Bunny 's becoming a grown-up young man. 
 And is so much afraid he '11 be lost in the push 
 
 Of little boys still, which he cannot now stand. 
 He 's settled the matter by shaving his moosh. 
 
 Oh, tell me, worthy poet, how 
 When Dicky ^^ birds do make a row, 
 How can a Master spot a lark 
 When lights are out and all is dark? 
 
 When all is dark and lights are out 
 The wary Master prowls about; 
 Each cubicle which he suspects, 
 He visits and at last detects 
 
 The culprit who his crime conceals. 
 Each face with fingers light he feels; 
 Jim Auchincloss in fashion weird 
 Was spotted by his bristly beard. 
 
 And thus this Dicky bird was caught 
 For doing what he had n't ought. 
 Beware the fate of unshorn men. 
 'T was not a lark — 'twas just the Hen. 
 
 [ 333 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Minnow ^^ remarks we greatly err 
 Speaking of folks as him or her, 
 
 And on our grammar sits. 
 To illustrate — with gentle gaze 
 He cries as he the class surveys, 
 
 " This room is full of Its." 
 
 You see, poor Minnow 's slightly dotty. 
 Last week in a discussion knotty, 
 
 A lunatic he talked to. 
 Who offered him financial aid. 
 And then a moral lecture made. 
 
 While going to New York, too. 
 
 Lloyd Derby oft heard sounds the queerest 
 When Minnow was his neighbour nearest, 
 
 In Brooks House dormitory. 
 But 't was the wind, that sound of groaning. 
 Through his unshaven whiskers moaning, — 
 
 But that 's another story. 
 
 Are Butsey's^'^ new slippers some very queer sort? 
 
 Or why do the boys talk about them so much ? 
 I can't understand how his friends ever ought 
 
 To say, as is said, that they quite beat the Dutch. 
 
 In Utica city they know what is what; 
 
 The fashions are right, for no farmers are there. 
 The young men are known by their coat's swagger 
 cut 
 And the way that they dress with such scrupulous 
 
 care. 
 
 [ 834 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 Oh J Butsey is shrewd ; they 've advantages great 
 In sHppers hke his cushion-made on a last. 
 
 They go of themselves, and they 're very light weight, 
 No schoolmaster hears you slip quietly past. 
 
 Another fine thing is, they point the right way; 
 
 A Uttle bit out, it is clever and neat. 
 I know if you saw him in them you would say 
 
 That they were intended to suit Sheeny feet. 
 
 When Skinny Prince ^^ takes walks abroad 
 
 All in his Sunday best. 
 When brightly shines the golden sun 
 
 A-sinking in the west, 
 
 Why do the children laugh and play 
 
 To see that portly feller. 
 Though Zephyr's pushed the clouds away. 
 
 Sporting an umberella.'* 
 
 It must be that he thinks he is 
 
 His beauty much adorning. 
 Or else to emphasize the fact 
 
 'T was raining in the morning. 
 
 Of all the useful dishes. 
 
 Corned beef, hash croquettes, and fishes. 
 Which so often grace the School's so bounteous board. 
 
 Which dish rare and expensive 
 
 Finds a use the most extensive 
 And which dish does most nourishment afford.-* 
 
 [ 335 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Is it goat or cream tonsorial 
 
 Of date bygone immemorial ? 
 Is it beefsteak, is it salmon, is it trout? 
 
 Babies' skulls, or cake pagodas, 
 
 Rubber necks or muzzle loaders? 
 Good poet, tell me, I would fain find out. 
 
 You '11 be startled when you know it. 
 
 Oh, my worthy brother poet. 
 The dish that is most often on the table 
 
 Is n't fish and is n't mutton 
 
 Served most often to the glutton. 
 But it 's Turkey! Swallow that if you are able. 
 
 It appears itself on Sunday, 
 
 Then as hash-on-toast on Monday, 
 Then as fricassee on Tuesday or ^^ What is It?" 
 
 Wednesday's supper 's pie called "What Luck?' 
 
 Thursday morning it is "Pot Luck," 
 And as Sat'd'y's soup it makes its final visit. 
 
 Oh, now can you tell me about a good gag? 
 
 Mr. Cutting, I think, is the one it concerned; 
 A joke, I suppose, that was made by some wag, 
 
 But why did the boys shout so loud, have you 
 learned? 
 
 I know he was making a very fine speech 
 
 To a class in the school-room engaged at their 
 books. 
 He seemed very earnest, appealing to each 
 Without much effect I should say, so it looks. 
 [ 336 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 The speech, I am told, was considered all right, 
 The substance and wit both pronounced very fair. 
 
 At the end of it all, though, he had a bad fright. 
 He found that the class he addressed was n't there. 
 
 What a funny boy you are, 
 
 Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 Have you literary turned all at once? 
 
 You ought to see the pleasure he 
 
 Takes in the Golden Treasury, 
 In poetry I tell you he's no dunce. 
 
 You see there is a poem, 
 
 Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 To a young and lovely lady 't is addressed. 
 
 There 's an H and there 's an R, 
 
 Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 And the bretheren will please supply the rest. 
 
 So accustomed as you are, 
 
 Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 On the first nine and eleven bench to sit; 
 
 Athletics are no bar, 
 
 Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 To Cupid's shafts which surely have you hit. 
 
 Oh, what is the matter, good poet, with Plum.?^^ 
 Leander is mournful, Leander is glum. 
 It cannot be marks, or at least I think not. 
 For a pull with the Rector he says he has got. 
 
 [ 337 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And yet he is sad, though he 's not in disgrace. 
 His voice grows more mournful and deeper his bass. 
 And instead of his lightsome and frivolous manner. 
 His joy is all gone; what 's the matter with Hannah.'' 
 
 Ah, well, it 's a long and remarkable story. 
 
 For football is over and with it his glory. 
 
 "His glory," says Plummer, "is now all departed." 
 
 And Plummer, of course, is well-nigh broken-hearted. 
 
 Good Oracle, here is another strange history. 
 When with his fianzy one day the good Mr. E. 
 Sturgis was doing the rounds of the School, 
 They found Gammell engaged with a sharp-edged tool. 
 
 The sharp-edged tool seemed to cause him some fright. 
 For half of his countenance seemed to be white. 
 And in fear and confusion he fleeted away; 
 What was going on, brother poet, oh, say? 
 
 He got a queer notion that all older boys 
 Used razors and strops and such masculine joys; 
 So from pure imitation an hour he gave 
 To enjoy the sensation of having a shave. 
 
 A word of thanks and then we 've done, 
 And ho! for holidays and fun. 
 To our dear hostess and our host 
 And all the family, this toast: 
 
 "A Merry Christmas, Homestead dear. 
 And many a bright and glad New Year." 
 
 [ 838 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1901 
 
 And now good-bye to all the School, 
 And may you ever keep the rule — 
 Where'er you go, whate'er your parts. 
 That you keep Christmas in your hearts. 
 
 [ 339 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 * Louis Starr, Jr. 
 2 J. D. Nichols. 
 
 ^ A. J. Drexel Paul. 
 
 * N. Emmons. 
 
 ^ C. P. Greenough. 
 « S. E. M. Crocker. 
 ^ B. C. Hoppin. 
 ^ C. L. Waterbury. 
 ^ Captain L. Hoyt. 
 
 J. D. Nichols. 
 
 1 D. Starr. 
 
 2 Shaun Kelly elected Captain, but succeeded by Woolsey, 
 as he left School. 
 Dr. Woods. 
 
 Groton 5 — St, Maries 3. 
 
 Of St. Mark's — formerly, originally, and forever of 
 Groton. 
 
 « Groton 36— St. Mark's 0. 
 
 Perry Heaton. 
 
 L. Baker. 
 ^ Calisthenics. 
 ^^ Foster. 
 
 21 R. Clifford. 
 
 22 H. Potter. 
 2^ A. Low. 
 
 2* Henry Watson. 
 
 2^ Dwellers in Mr. Richards' s dormitory. 
 
 26 S W. Fish. 
 
 27 G. Butler. 
 2^ M. Prince. 
 
 2^ L. A. Plummer. 
 
 [ 340 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1902 
 
 ON coming back to School this year. 
 The sight that struck my eye 
 Was the gymnasium's lofty roof 
 Careering up on high. 
 
 And when 1 swept my gaze around. 
 The sound that struck my ear 
 
 Was all about a Cottage ^ — mind you 
 Call it that — you hear. 
 
 I saw a pretty building 
 
 All complete from floor to Garret.^ 
 But some reflections crossed my mind 
 
 Which I proceed to narrate. 
 
 It looks like an asylum. 
 
 Or a pest-house or a prison. 
 
 This newest of the palaces 
 That lately have arisen. 
 
 But whether it be old or new. 
 It does n't matter what age. 
 
 It does n't look one little bit 
 Like my idea of Cottage. 
 
 It stands there as a pendant 
 
 To my own — how shall I name it-f* — 
 My squash-court or my swimming-tank, 
 
 Or what you shall proclaim it. 
 [ 341 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 So I suggest the course as best. 
 To name the newest treasure — 
 
 The Dome of Pain in contrast to 
 The famous Dome of Pleasure. 
 
 The doings down at Ipswich town 
 
 And also at Magnolia 
 Have been a little singular — 
 
 Has anybody told yer 
 
 How Charlie Apple ton a maid — 
 He thought he was in clover — 
 
 Took out to drive and straightway dumped 
 That hapless lady over ? 
 
 How Freddy ^ had his face massaged 
 
 Each day by a trained nurse, 
 While Norman * entertained her. 
 
 And poor Fred grew worse and worse? 
 
 And Norman's photograph appeared 
 
 In autobubble Journal; 
 The youngest bubblist in the land? — 
 
 The portrait was infernal. 
 
 He dashes frantic through the town, 
 
 Destruction in his wake. 
 He nearly knocked a depot down. 
 
 He could n't reach the brake. 
 
 While looking on the sad sea waves 
 And gazing at the moon, 
 [ 342 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 Sam Crocker — here I pause — but look 
 For an announcement soon. 
 
 There was a young man of renown, 
 The oddest that e'er struck the town. 
 He 's never on time, and all manner of crime 
 Is charged to the credit of Brown.^ 
 
 His black marks amounted to twenty, 
 With latenesses more than a plenty. 
 To serve them all off like the Black Death or Cough, 
 In perfect health up to bed went he. 
 
 When told by his comrades one day 
 Of a squib on him. Brown in dismay. 
 Thinking squibs must be slugs or some new kind of 
 bugs. 
 Tried to rub or to scratch it away. 
 
 There once was a fellow named Rives,^ 
 A poet — or so he believes. 
 Imagine my bliss when he handed me this 
 He 's jotted down on some stray leaves. 
 
 Oh, there once was a fellow named Rives 
 Was seized with a fit of the heaves. 
 He was making a speech and his speech was a peach, 
 And he's thirteen years old — he believes. 
 
 But a poet is hardly to blame 
 If he cannot recall his own name. 
 [ 343 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And as to his years, it don't matter_, my dears. 
 He is good at his books just the same. 
 
 The Dormouse "^ and the Potter 
 Have done what they had n't oughter. 
 And terrible the consequence 
 Of what they have committed. 
 
 Imagine, pray, their feehng. 
 
 No prospect of conceaUng 
 
 Their crime — I think their state of mind 
 
 Was really to be pitied. 
 
 One day to a physician 
 
 In the city they 'd a mission. 
 
 And whether 't was some drug he gave. 
 
 The reason is concealed. 
 
 But they fell into a trance, sir. 
 
 And 'tis still without an answer 
 
 How they woke and lo, they found themselves 
 
 On famous Soldiers' Field. 
 
 Of course, with trepidation 
 They rushed off to the station. 
 But oh, the horror when they found 
 The engine would n't stop. 
 
 They tried to tell the story 
 Through the telephone — but gory! 
 They were faint with fears, unhappy dears. 
 And ready nigh to drop. 
 [ 344 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 Dormy gasped and Potsey stammered, 
 Though he tore his hair and yammered, 
 And at last the dreadful story 
 Trickled out by slow degrees. 
 
 Since then they 're sorely humbled. 
 From their high position tumbled 
 To the youngest kids, and Potter 
 Wishes some one would — oh, please — 
 
 Sign this order blank surprising 
 He has filled out, authorizing 
 Any one in all the School to buy 
 And send him in the bill 
 
 For a dollar and a quarter. 
 
 One much damaged, H. C. Potter; 
 
 And Dormy is a door-mat 
 
 To be trampled on at will. 
 
 I looked at a football match some weeks ago 
 
 And wondered why Woolsey ^ was running so slow. 
 
 His usual game 's like a shot to a bullseye. 
 
 But something or other had happened to Woolsey. 
 
 The cause of the trouble I quickly inquired. 
 
 B. Crocker replied he had merely transpired 
 
 Through stocking and jersey, through shin-guard and 
 
 panty. 
 But most of us thought his apparel was scanty. 
 
 The nightmare has been loose of late 
 Throughout the sleeping quarters. 
 [ 345 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Boys' heads are full of Newport girls. 
 Bar Harbour's lovely daughters. 
 
 Or Islesboro's enchanting dames. 
 
 Or less delightful themes. 
 And beauteous thoughts of other sorts 
 
 Have occupied their dreams. 
 
 Pea Shooter ^ babbles in his sleep. 
 
 And Newbold's shrieks would freeze yer. 
 
 Kermit ^^ replies with eloquence. 
 And Larned has a seizure. 
 
 He says his lady fair 's still nice. 
 
 While Hammy ^^ in the dark 
 Thinks of his Saratoga girl. 
 
 And — moonstruck — 'gins to bark. 
 
 Burnham has happy dreams and laughs. 
 
 And Robbins only moans; 
 While Tilney of some letter talks. 
 
 And Sarah Derby ^^ groans. 
 
 While Teddy Roosevelt merely sighs 
 
 And thinks of lovely cousins, 
 "Long Island has good food, good studs. 
 
 And maidens good by dozens." 
 
 "Oh, mother dear, bring on the beer," 
 
 Cries Stevey ^^ with a shout ; 
 He thinks he 's singing — others think 
 
 There 's dynamite about. 
 
 [ 346 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 Frank Sargent dreams he 's in a race 
 
 With ladies five competer. 
 They all sail by. "Well, let them win/' 
 
 Quoth he, "'tis so much sweeter." 
 
 But worse than all these nightmares far, 
 
 Poor Minnow ^* had a vision 
 About St. Mark's the other nighty 
 
 And of a dread collision. 
 
 On came his foe with horrid leap. 
 Clutched at the whisker streaming. 
 
 That grows from Minnow's beauty spot. 
 And Minnow woke up, screaming. 
 
 The coal strike is causing a terrible moan. 
 
 But much the most luckless was poor Tweedles 
 
 Sloane.^^ 
 Suspenders are up, collar buttons are down. 
 And Sloane has gone broke and 's a charge on the 
 
 town. 
 
 His classmates have hinted with nod and with cough. 
 And at last they decided to auction him off. 
 Eleven and a half cents was all he would bring. 
 With a discount, less clothing and diamond ring. 
 
 Oh, Teddy is a hot box and Kermit is a scrapper. 
 And little Farr 's a Way Back and Richardson a lapper; 
 He lapped up fifteen quarts of milk. 
 And Mr. Hinchman taught 
 
 [ 847 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Young Kermit how to wash his hands 
 Each time before he fought. 
 
 And Teddy thinks the Pope of Rome 
 
 Must find existence dandy^ 
 For at whatever time of day. 
 
 He always has free candy. 
 
 Oh, little Farr/® how queer you are ! 
 
 "Although a baby boy, 
 I must not play with toys in class 
 
 And Mr. Woods annoy." 
 
 How quaintly Clark ^"^ his own name spells, 
 
 'T is positively funny. 
 C-1-a-c-k, and remarks 
 
 H-u-n-n-y, honey. 
 
 How Waterbury ^^ waves his name, 
 
 And what a funny facy 
 Has little Norman Sturgis 
 
 And the energetic Macy. 
 
 He cried aloud, "Kids, stop that noise," 
 
 When little Tommy Hig^^ 
 Threw books about among the boys 
 
 And acted like a pig. 
 
 Ah, Billy Ladd, 't is very sad. 
 
 Thinks that the poet Bryant 
 Ran twice for President and failed — 
 
 On history too reliant. 
 [ 348 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 And Dana wants to know if he 
 
 Requires special eyes 
 To be entitled to a special 
 
 Light that suits his size. 
 
 '^ Although I am a lazy boy 
 
 And fat, I pay attention," 
 Says Farnsworth, loosening his belt 
 
 To give his waist extension. 
 
 Oh, Edmands looks hungry and Amory pined. 
 Though I cannot explain what it means. 
 
 For Edmands eats hickory nuts with the rind. 
 And Amory might fill up on beans. 
 
 Though he comes, as he tells us, from yonder world's 
 Hub, 
 
 He will not touch bread when it 's brown, 
 And though of his townsmen the favourite grub. 
 
 The pork and beans will not go down. 
 
 So hungry is he that some chewing-gum fain 
 From the Manager he would procure, 
 
 Of Groton athletics — not used by the team, 
 *T would never be missed, he is sure. 
 
 There once was a stripling named Thayer,^*^ 
 Renowned for his thinness of hair 
 And thickness of waist, but his hair in his haste 
 He pulled out one day in despair. 
 
 [ 349 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 A maiden who dwelt in Wood's Holl 
 Had stirred to the depths of his soul 
 Susceptible Tubby — he 'd fain be her hubby, 
 His passion he could not control. 
 
 Next year his folks hired a place 
 That so he might gaze at her face. 
 At Wood's Holl, but the maid was to Europe 
 conveyed. 
 And Tubby got left in the race. 
 
 I heard a funny tale of late 
 
 About our friend McVickar Haight, 
 
 That gentleman of note. 
 And when you 've heard it you '11 agree, 
 I reckon, brethren, with me. 
 
 He acted like a Goat.^^ 
 
 He once was driving in a hack. 
 From opera, returning back ; 
 
 In bed he thought, no doubt. 
 He lay, so oped the carriage door. 
 His boots and sundry garments more 
 
 Took off and threw them out. 
 
 One day a funny scene occurred 
 Beneath the eye of Banty.^^ 
 
 J. Whitney's actions were absurd. 
 His breathing somewhat panty. 
 
 It seems that water had been thrown 
 On lavatory tiles, 
 [ 350 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 And Whitney had to swab it up 
 'Neath Banty's genial smiles. 
 
 He took a basin in his hand 
 
 And waved it o'er the spot; 
 From time to time his face he fanned, 
 
 But dry it he could not. 
 
 To wipe the floor by addyhumps 
 
 Is quite a useless game, 
 The beads that dropped from off his brow 
 
 His efforts overcame. 
 
 The Glee Club 's Tery musical. 
 
 The Choir, too, is fair. 
 But if you really wish to hear 
 
 Sweet music in the air. 
 
 The Fourth can furnish you a treat 
 
 Of four melodious growlers ; 
 Their name in full was told to me. 
 
 The Hot Harmonious Howlers. 
 
 There 's Pugwash ^^ and there 's Baker, 
 There 's Butts and Dopy Wood, 
 
 And music sweet they offer you 
 When they are feeling good. 
 
 We call them oatmeal, just for short. 
 For when their notes are sounded. 
 
 The "Harmony" ^* we hear might well 
 With oatmeal be confounded. 
 [ 351 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 There once was a chit with a bit of a wit. 
 And his name it was Martin, I 'm told. 
 
 He said that the chimney — I thought I should split- 
 Smoked already, though but one day old. 
 
 When Addison — Thayer 
 Toppled over his chair. 
 
 The vigorous Bunko Baker ^^ 
 With zeal and with skill 
 Proceeded to fill 
 
 The office of undertaker. 
 
 Now little Tom Hig 
 Asked, "Who is that big. 
 
 Bulky, somewhat fat middle-aged gent 
 Who carried Thayer out. 
 That warrior stout?" 
 
 I wonder whom he could have meant. 
 
 The Rector 's fled to foreign shores 
 
 To get some needed rest. 
 For parents' letters by the score 
 
 His weary soul oppressed. 
 
 But here 's a letter came one day, 
 
 Writ by a loving mother, 
 A charming note in every way. 
 
 Would we had many another. 
 
 "Old Lou 26 retires to bed each night 
 At ten o'clock, and takes 
 [ 352 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 His bottle freely, slumbers light. 
 At 'lev' 11 next morning wakes. 
 
 ''He then arises for a while 
 
 And takes some nourishment. 
 This life seems quite to suit his style. 
 
 He 's perfectly content." 
 
 Bubbles ^' is quaint, he always was. 
 He could n't understand the cause 
 
 The Freshmen cheered for six.^^ 
 "Why not eleven.''" Bubbles cries, 
 They always were, absurd, those Frys, 
 
 At their arithmetics. 
 He nailed his hut floor to the ground. 
 "Help, help!" he cried when he was downed 
 
 By some new kid o'erweening. 
 Out of my way! I 'd have you know 
 I 'm in the Second Form, ho, ho ! 
 
 You understand my meaning. 
 
 The Brooks House Dramatic and Musical Club 
 Once called upon Stillman to visit the Hub. 
 We need pretty costumes, oh, excellent Lummox, 
 And we must have corsets to cover our stomachs. 
 
 He went to the city. "Good Madam," quoth he, 
 "Do you retail corsets.^ — Oh, no, not for me," 
 He hastily cried when the maiden looked glum. 
 And feared she had nothing quite suited to Lum. 
 
 [ 353 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 ^'A dairy maid's cap I must purchase," he added, 
 "And much cotton wool — there are calves to be 
 
 padded." 
 The saleslady cried, — for he'd driven her wild, — 
 "For goodness' sake, tell me, how old is the child?" 
 
 And shall I pass unmentioned by 
 Our much enduring Faculty 
 
 Without a single word ? 
 Nor tell you all their funny ways. 
 Nor spread before your eager gaze 
 
 The stories I have heard? 
 
 ^^V H Hist. S this sum, I guess 
 
 I '11 solve you in a minute." 
 So Mr. Garret takes the chalk 
 
 And straightway doth begin it. 
 
 And when the shades of evening fell. 
 And when the sun was rising. 
 
 He still was working at the board. 
 His quickness is surprising. 
 
 If you will tell how long the ship 
 
 And number of the crew. 
 The colour of the captain's cat, 
 
 He '11 calculate for you. 
 
 "Oh, see my pretty scarlet socks," 
 With pride quoth Mr. Nichols. 
 
 '^ And hose of blue and every hue 
 
 That maiden's fancy tickles." 
 
 [ 354 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 They found a picture in his desk. 
 Six German maids were grouped. 
 
 Just think of that! 'twas marked "For Nat/' 
 With whom the loop they 'd looped. 
 
 They say that Mr. Billings makes 
 
 Latin so interesting 
 That Harry Sargent goes to sleep, 
 
 A bully time for resting. 
 
 They say that Mr. Gladwin 
 
 So cross with Potter got 
 He made him walk the whole way home. 
 
 No bicycling for Pot. 
 
 Although 't is said the Master, too. 
 
 To wreak his vengeance dread. 
 Walked every step on foot himself. 
 
 Pushing his bike ahead. 
 
 They say that even Mr. B. 
 
 Rushed down the study hall. 
 "Where are the ladies.^" was his cry; 
 
 "Oh, ladies, hear my call." 
 
 His agitation was extreme. 
 
 Until he overtook 
 The dames, and Brooks House went to bed 
 
 Before their hands he shook. 
 
 The General ^^ at Albany 
 Startled the little Fishes,^^ 
 [ 355 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Mr. Ogilby, you 'd mix 
 
 Him not with Grosvenor wishes.^^ 
 
 Although there 's really no excuse 
 
 For being so much out^ 
 For Grosvenor 's raising a mustache. 
 
 The red begins to sprout. 
 
 When Mr. Woods the school-room keeps, 
 
 He should n't wave his hand 
 At ladies in the passage-way. 
 
 Though the effect is grand. 
 
 Poor Mr. Abbott is so moved 
 
 By all the fair beholders. 
 That watch him at the football games 
 
 To see his mighty shoulders. 
 
 And mighty chest and mighty legs. 
 
 His physical director 
 Has been obliged to order him 
 
 To wear a heart protector. 
 
 When Morgan is bothered by lessons and tasks. 
 
 Detention and Masters and trouble. 
 He makes up his mind he can't do the whole thing 
 
 And wonders which Master will double 
 
 The task left undone — so he chucks up a cent 
 And decides, on the whole, the Professor 
 
 Is less of a sucker than Woden, so from 
 Two evils he chooses the lesser. 
 [ 356 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1902 
 
 I 'd like to add a word to close 
 
 The order of the day, 
 To run in squibs on all the boys. 
 
 Including Monkey Fay.^^ 
 
 For though he says I never could 
 Include him in my rhymes. 
 
 He 's a perpetual squib himself. 
 Not merely at fixed times. 
 
 But ah, my friends, time flows apace. 
 We 're eighteen full years old. 
 
 And year nineteen is almost here. 
 And so my tale is told. 
 
 [ 857 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 New Infirmary for Contagious Diseases. 
 
 2 Mr. Garrett dwelt therein. 
 
 3 F. H. Prince, Jr. 
 * Norman Prince. 
 
 5 Thornton Brown. 
 
 6 F. B. Rives. 
 
 "^ F. Foster and H. Potter. 
 8 Captain H. M. Woolsey. 
 ^ Philip Suter. 
 w K. Roosevelt. 
 
 11 Hamilton Hadden. 
 
 12 /. Lloyd Derby. 
 
 13 S. B. Luce. 
 1* Sidney Fish. 
 
 15 M. D. Shane. 
 
 16 B. Farr. 
 
 17 F. H. Clark, Jr. 
 
 18 R. Waterhury. 
 1® r. Higginson. 
 
 20 /. £. r^«z/er, Jr. 
 
 21 Haighfs nickname. 
 
 22 TV. Emmons. 
 
 23 i7. JP. 0*6orw, Jr. 
 2* Hominy. 
 
 25 L. 5«A:er. 
 
 26 L. iS^«rr, /r. 
 
 27 /. i^n/. 28 ^9^^. 
 
 29 Mr. Gushing. 
 
 30 Stuyvesant and Sidney. 
 
 31 Because of his hair. 
 
 32 H. H. Faz/, Jr. 
 
 [ 358 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 1902 
 
 A Merry Christmas to you all, 
 
 GrotonianSj young and old. 
 Once more the genial Homestead Hall, 
 
 'Mid winter's storm and cold. 
 
 Flings open wide its doors to us. 
 
 With welcome as of yore. 
 In the brave days when we were young. 
 
 In eighteen eighty-four. 
 
 At this glad feast to-night we miss, 
 
 Alas, the faces dear 
 Of loved ones far across the sea,^ 
 
 And would that they were here. 
 
 Yet, 't is the magic of the time. 
 
 The holy season's grace. 
 That to our hearts they 're doubly near. 
 
 Unheeding time and space. 
 
 A health to our dear hostess, 
 
 And all good Christmas joys 
 To host and all the family — 
 
 Now, let 's discuss the boys. 
 
 Have you heard any news about football at School ? 
 
 Ordinarily we in the fall have a game 
 With a Southborough team, 't is a regular rule, 
 
 St. Something or other, I don't know the name. 
 
 [ 359 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 I remember last year how we had a fine score. 
 
 Twenty-three to mere nothing, and we were so 
 glad. 
 Did William ^ make less? I don't s'pose he made more. 
 Sure he didn't get beaten — that would ha' been 
 sad. 
 
 You need n't be worried, the game was all right. 
 Though scores are uncertain as every one knows. 
 
 And the boys they were nervous I think just a mite. 
 For St. Markers make very good gridiron foes. 
 
 We were confident, though, that the line would be 
 crossed 
 
 By some of our runners as surely as fate. 
 For we knew that our fleet-footed Dill ^ had not lost 
 
 Any speed, nor his brother old Lou ^ any weight. 
 
 With our heavyweight forwards, the game was pure 
 fun. 
 And our quick-moving backs were not easy to beat. 
 For Banty * would tackle and Blubber ^ would run 
 And the sturdy-built Livingstone ^ would keep his 
 feet. 
 
 We 're much obliged. Bill, to your warriors and you. 
 Your corking good team had St. Mark's in a fix; 
 
 We '11 remember the 'leven of nineteen ought two. 
 For we 're fond of that zero to just thirty-six. 
 
 So Dilly,"^ my boy, it is now up to you, 
 
 We hope you '11 do well as the others have done. 
 
 [ 360 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 We are satisfied now and we want nothing new^ 
 Bill has got them — you keep them all still on the 
 run. 
 
 Have you heard what has happened to Stokes?^ 
 
 Of late he 's unlike other folks. 
 He practises smiles in the glass at odd whiles. 
 
 And his attitudes really are jokes. 
 
 In spite of his immature age 
 He 's decided to go on the stage. 
 He storms and he raves and his arms wildly waves 
 In sign of despair and of rage. 
 
 Of microbes and bacterias. 
 And ailments most mysterious. 
 
 We 've heard a lot of talk in seasons past; 
 But of all the epidemics. 
 Mingled with our academics. 
 
 The very worst has broken out at last. 
 
 Don't tell me, if you please. 
 For I know the dread disease 
 
 Too well, alas — I 've tasted Groton milk. 
 *T is the foot and mouth complaint 
 That declared its symptoms quaint 
 
 When every one was feeling fine as silk. 
 
 Unhappy Billy Ladd 
 
 Had the foot disease so bad 
 
 That he wears a shoe whose size is seventeen; 
 [ 361 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 While the mouth disease afflicts 
 Luckless victims five or six. 
 
 Who talk and talk from morn till dewy e'en. 
 
 G. Biddle never stops. 
 
 So fatigued he nearly drops. 
 
 And begs that you will teach him how to smile 
 Like Stokes's smile so new. 
 For his old one 's worn quite through. 
 
 And he wants for Philadelphia some new style. 
 
 But he talks and talks and talks 
 When he sits and when he walks. 
 
 And he murmurs "Dovey, Dovey" in his sleep. 
 And he has n't time to smile 
 A la Stokes or any style. 
 
 And his symptoms are enough to make you weep. 
 
 Oh, what is the matter with Haight? ^ 
 Why is he so solemn of late? 
 
 They 've fed him on goat's milk 
 
 And read to him Goldsmith, 
 But nothing appears to go straight. 
 
 The truth is, his death he nigh found 
 Through Richards, whose figure so round 
 
 Made his bath overflow. 
 
 With a vast undertow. 
 And Haight, standing near, was nigh drowned. 
 
 There is one of the kids who 's a nice little chap. 
 He seems to inherit for football a taste; 
 [ 362 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 But between play and work there 's an awful wide 
 
 gap. 
 In the class-room his energy all goes to waste. 
 
 T' other day I was puzzled in Latin to see 
 
 Such a thing as a book he appears to disdain. 
 Does he know the whole business — it seems queer 
 to me 
 That an immature youth should so trust in his 
 brain? 
 
 Ah, Reggie ^^ is shrewd and becoming more wise. 
 
 No Master may think that he has a fine gag. 
 When he says for the foot of the class there 's a prize. 
 
 That that boy must carry the heavy mail bag. 
 
 Reggie gathers it up with a confident smile. 
 
 Of the things he will do he 's not anxious to boast; 
 
 But we found the next day he 'd been thinking the 
 while. 
 For his school books have all gone away by the post. 
 
 Why is Barty Larned languid. 
 
 All but one spot pale and white? ^^ 
 
 Tell me, poet, if you know it. 
 What has spoiled his appetite? 
 
 Well, one day he went a-calling, — 
 
 On the mantel o'er the fire 
 Was a photograph enthralling. 
 
 Which he greatly did admire. 
 [ 363 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Hearing footsteps swift approaching, 
 Knowing it was scarcely right, 
 
 Fearing she would catch him poaching. 
 Grabbed and hid it out of sight. 
 
 On returning to his study 
 
 He unpocketed his prize: 
 Lo, a cunning little poodle 
 
 Lay before his wondering eyes. 
 
 He had seized in spirit eager 
 
 The wrong photograph it seems; 
 
 Now he drinks sweet oil Omega, 
 And things are not what he dreams. 
 
 Billy Grosvenor Rouge ^^ and fair, 
 I am well-nigh in despair; 
 For though I may try to chaff 
 Any joke to make you laugh. 
 
 Make allusions to the red 
 Light that plays about your head. 
 Or your solemncholy smile. 
 Or the Providential style 
 
 Of your garments — all I say 
 In my most facetious way, 
 When the others' sides are splitting. 
 On the landscape still you 're sitting. 
 All you can be heard to mutter. 
 Is — "Won't some one pass the butter?' 
 [ 364 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 Here is the enigma solved: 
 Rouge one day at last resolved 
 He would rouse him from his dope 
 And with mathematics cope. 
 
 "'Tis as plain as plain can be^ 
 Mr. Ayrault, don't you see 
 That these triangles is both 
 To each other — by my troth — 
 
 ''As each other is to each, 
 
 The hypothesis doth teach. 
 
 As themselves is to each other — 
 
 That's explained, now ask another." 
 
 Jack Simons and Blair are in perfect despair 
 
 Because in these poems no place 
 For their talents renowned has ever been found, 
 
 And they think it 's a shame and disgrace. 
 
 Well, at last they 're entitled to fame. 
 For each has obtained a new name: 
 A songster is Jack, and Billy Blair's knack 
 As a dancing man 's simply supreme. 
 
 For I passed by their quarters one day. 
 Where Blair a new pas de ballet, 
 Of a fashion unique for some party next week. 
 Was practising graceful and gay. 
 
 While tunefully nightingale Jack, 
 To provide for the orchestra's lack, 
 [ 365 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Was singing a waltz^ every other note false. 
 While Blair did his forward and back. 
 
 What was the light mysterious 
 That from the windows glared 
 
 Of our new Gym that night of late ? 
 I looked at it and stared. 
 
 Then with a loud halloo a two 
 
 Dashed bravely to put out 
 The conflagration as they thought. 
 
 What jvas it all about? 
 
 Why, merely Mr. Ogilby and Richards, head to head. 
 Were having just a talky talk together, it is said. 
 When Herr Professor Griswold, with his scientific 
 
 mind. 
 Thought 't was a fire — called his troops — and started 
 
 like the wind. 
 
 He rushed to fight with flames and smoke 
 
 - Headlong against the glare. 
 Since then it 's not polite to say 
 Red hair unto our Herr. 
 
 Can you tell me, brother poet. 
 
 What is Jeffy Newbold's age? 
 I wish you would my eager 
 
 Curiosity assuage. 
 
 Although he 's more than six feet tall. 
 He looks so fresh and green, 
 [ 366 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 He might be almost any age. 
 From six to seventeen. 
 
 I asked him and he answered me 
 With somewhat bashful mien, 
 
 "Indeed, I never have been kissed. 
 And yet I 'm sweet sixteen." 
 
 Baa, Baa, Barclay Farr, 
 What a ladies' man you are! 
 Fickle, too, I greatly fear; 
 Three best girls within one year. 
 
 Was it this, oh, poet good. 
 Or Thanksgiving dinner food. 
 That no word he would impart. 
 Though a dame sat next his heart .f* 
 
 Dame MacMurray waited long. 
 But he would n't wag his tongue. 
 And the reason he refused 
 Was — he 'd not been introduced. 
 
 Pray, tell me how the wily Clam^^ 
 The postman keen evades. 
 
 When he receives soft nothings from 
 New Bedford's lovely maids? 
 
 He scribbles answers on his cuffs 
 And poems on his collars. 
 
 And has his washing all sent home 
 And fools his fellow scholars. 
 
 [ 367 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Why does F. Biddle weep and wail? 
 Why is his face so wan and pale? 
 
 Good poet, tell me true. 
 Why is it that he cannot sleep. 
 Or dreams that make his flesh to creep 
 
 Will certainly ensue? 
 
 Why, 't is because a vision dread 
 The other night stood o'er his head, 
 
 And whispered in his ears: 
 "Your brother George is doomed to be 
 A clergyman, alas!" said he. 
 
 And Francis waked in tears. 
 
 Little Tom Tittlemouse Higginson, who 
 
 Can tell me a method to pacify you? 
 
 Shall I give him a cake. 
 
 Or will he just take 
 
 Six pieces of sugar — that innocent fake? 
 
 Don't waste cake or dollar, 
 But seize by the collar 
 That erudite scholar 
 And bundle him out. 
 
 He 's been so polite 
 Since yon fatal night 
 That the treatment was right, 
 There 's no manner of doubt. 
 
 Oh, what can be the trouble 
 With the orchestra this year? 
 [ 368 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 The laughing horse ^* sounds rough and coarse 
 And grates upon the ear. 
 
 The cello 's badly out of tune. 
 
 The drums sound somewhat muffled. 
 
 And worst of all, Herr Griswold, too. 
 Looks just a wee mite ruffled. 
 
 He 's had a tussle and he 's won 
 
 With Mr. Bott they say. 
 Who plays the murmuring piccolo 
 
 In such a winsome way. 
 
 Will you believe he could have been 
 
 Such an unfeeling brute .^ 
 He said he 'd lay his baton down 
 
 Or else kick out that flute. 
 
 When the winter winds are whistling. 
 And the fields are white with snow. 
 
 Why are Groton boys unwilling 
 (I should greatly like to know) 
 
 To avail them of permission 
 
 To go riding in a sleigh? 
 I should think they 'd rather like it. 
 
 But the truth 's the other way. 
 
 Well, you see they 've had a warning 
 From Sam Crocker's dreadful fate : 
 
 He got dumped the other morning, 
 And the cause he does not state. 
 [ 369 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 While Bob Bacon took a peaceful, 
 Aged horse for Christmas green. 
 
 Took a header in a snow-drift, 
 And the trees on top were seen. 
 
 'Twas the twelfth of December, the year nineteen 
 
 two. 
 And Masters and boys could n't find much to do. 
 When a band armed with pistols, with sticks and with 
 
 rocks. 
 Went bravely out a-hunting in search of a fox. 
 Tally-ho for Mr. Hinchman, tally Ogilby too. 
 Tally-ho for Mr. Woods and Banty Emmons staunch 
 
 and true. 
 
 Oh, brave was their spirit and bold was every soul. 
 When at last their eyes discovered what they took to 
 
 be a hole. 
 They soon had lit a fire and a beastly smoke had 
 
 made. 
 While Woden cocked his pistol and declared they 
 
 were n't afraid. 
 Tally-ho for Mr. Hinchman, tally Ogilby as well. 
 And the rest of the proceedings, worthy brother poet, 
 
 tell. 
 
 Banty got upon his knees at once and blew about the 
 
 litter. 
 And the smoke came out the other end, but not a 
 
 living critter. 
 
 [ 370 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 He takes a stick and pokes the flames and down the 
 
 hole he pushes. 
 And thinks at last the fox is somewhere hid in the 
 
 bu-ushes. 
 Tally-ho for poor old Banty, tally Ogilby once more. 
 Their eyes were full of smoke and the whole thing a 
 
 beastly bore. 
 
 Then Mr. Hinchman barks aloud poor Reynard to 
 
 alarm. 
 And Mr. Ogilby declares 't would surely do no harm 
 If he should try to imitate the squawking of a hen. 
 Indeed, you would have thought them all a pack of 
 
 crazy men. 
 
 Tally-ho, bow-wow- wow, tally Ogilby — squawk. 
 
 Tally-ho, Banty Emmons, and yards and yards of talk. 
 
 When suddenly, before they hardly knew what they 
 were at. 
 
 From out the hole there jumped a rather lively com- 
 mon cat. 
 
 He fled into the forest, whither running no one wist. 
 And Woden's gun went off" with one loud bang at him 
 
 and missed. 
 Tally-ho, hark away! tally-ho, what a day! 
 Tally-ho for the hunters and the cat that got away. 
 
 We 've got the latest methods of a modern education, 
 We 've illustrated squibs and such for Duffer and 
 for Star, 
 
 [ 371 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 So tell me true, if I were you, some telling illustration, 
 To teach the Second Form in French, the meaning 
 of \oilk. 
 
 Profound Professor Gladwin, with the kindest of in- 
 tentions. 
 Cries, "Voila Burnham, there he is!" and there he 
 was complete. 
 The class turned round and gazed upon two cheeks 
 of large dimensions, 
 A caramel on either side and blushing like a beet. 
 
 Frank Sargent dropped a nickel. 
 When he wanted chewing-gum. 
 
 Into the Elevated's box. 
 
 But nothing seemed to come. 
 
 A minute he looked flustered. 
 And a hayseed was pronounced. 
 
 When in his dulcet tones — "I come 
 From Boston," he announced. 
 
 No climbing up the moving stair 
 
 When jve the city round 
 May wish to travel, but we use 
 
 A vast hole underground. 
 
 Our culture 's sometimes rather queer, 
 And Freddy Prince doth think 
 
 That Venus stuffed her rosy hands 
 Into her mouth so pink. 
 
 [ 372 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1902 
 
 We know that Boston 's somewhat quaint. 
 
 But still we never mix 
 Our will's and shall' s and don't and ain't. 
 
 Nor Schools and politics. 
 
 And don't we hear about New York 
 
 Extraordinary truths ? 
 Or Philadelphia or Detroit 
 
 Or Washingtonian youths ? 
 
 F. Biddle marks his toothbrush 
 
 By breaking it in twain. 
 And Kermit ^^ has a dog who barks 
 
 The numbers up to ten. 
 
 And Mr. Garret says he thinks 
 
 That Chrystie is an eel ; 
 He must go home till he 's let loose. 
 
 Or his resentment feel. 
 
 Dill Starr thinks Parricides are bugs. 
 Brown wears a sportsman's vest. 
 
 And Seymour Blair shaves down — not hair. 
 And wonders if 't were best 
 
 To bring his Bible here to-night. 
 
 While Piggy Low,i^ my dears. 
 Dressed in such haste that he forgot 
 
 To tuck in his long ears. 
 
 He tripped upon them and he fell. 
 Alas, his woeful plight! 
 
 [ 373 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Grizzy Webb himself arrayed 
 In clothes of colour light. 
 
 Rives says he 's not as innocent 
 As some perhaps may ween. 
 
 And Macy 's got six Ogilbys, 
 And Wetmore 's got fifteen. 
 
 While Clark thinks a parenthesis 
 
 A sort of addyhumps. 
 And other cities furnish all 
 
 Varieties of chumps. 
 
 But we must now go, for the time has now come 
 When we say our good-byes for the winter recess. 
 
 We are glad to leave Groton, though probably some 
 Will be glad to be back in a fortnight, I guess. 
 
 We are grateful to hostess and host, and we trust 
 You will all have a first-rate vacation. 
 
 Enjoy the short recess, you ought to, you must 
 Have your fill of a good recreation. 
 
 While we want Groton boys to enjoy it up here. 
 The studies, the games, and the rest. 
 
 Of all spots in the world at all times of the year 
 Dulce Domum is ever the best. 
 
 [ 374 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 ^ Sabbatical year of Mr. Peabody and his family. 
 
 2 Capt. H. M. Woolsey. 
 
 ^ Dilhvyn and Louis Starr. 
 
 * N. Emmons. 
 
 ^ Lloyd Derby. 
 
 ^ C. L. Waterbury. 
 
 "^ D. Starr. Captain of 35-0 eleven of 1903. 
 
 8 H. P. Stokes. 
 
 9 "The Goat:' 
 ^^ R. Waterbury. 
 ^^ Query: Nose? 
 
 ^^ Grosvenor of Providence. 
 
 ^^ Leander Plumrner. 
 
 ^* Professor Griswold's clarinet. 
 
 ^^ K. Roosevelt. , 
 
 ^^ A. Low. 
 
 [ 375 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 
 
 1903 
 
 THE poet of spring has his verses to sing, 
 Some folks do not relish his rhyme, 
 And the poet who drones in mellifluous tones 
 The delights of the old summer time. 
 
 But away the time flows and the couleur de rose 
 Is exchanged for a colour more sober. 
 
 So I here make my bow 'mid the tumult and row. 
 Your bard of the fifteenth October. 
 
 Vacation was really most awfully long, 
 
 They gave us a whole extra week. 
 And though I 've no doubt many thought it quite 
 wrong. 
 
 The rest showed a spirit most meek. 
 
 Of course, they were idle and fearfully bored. 
 But they passed the time after a fashion. 
 
 And for want of employment, for Mabel or Maud 
 Full many developed a passion. 
 
 I might tell their secrets, I would if I dared. 
 But they're awful when really enraged. 
 
 It 's whispered about, but do not let it out, 
 P. Boyer — don't tell — is engaged. 
 
 George Richardson screams in the midst of his 
 dreams, 
 "I '11 be true, I'll be true, I'll be true." 
 [ 377 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And Potsey ^ his woes through the bridge of his nose 
 Loudly whistles to Jane or to Sue. 
 
 While Jones ^ blushes redder and redder and redder, 
 And Breese ^ for the tennis ground sighs. 
 
 He sorely is missing that prime spot for kissing, 
 And Buster * Brown 's wiping his eyes. 
 
 The hearts of ten maidens this Buster has busted. 
 Ten maidens who harked to his slogan. 
 
 He vanquished their charms by all manner of arms. 
 From pistol and arrows to Bogun. 
 
 He weeps and he sighs and the streams from his 
 eyes ^ 
 
 At the thoughts of Long Island's fair daughter 
 Don't furnish enough, so at table each day 
 
 He spills every one's glasses of water. 
 
 While Shrimp,^ the young imp, makes the maidens 
 fieel limp. 
 
 From East unto West as he sings. 
 And in far Colorado the bold desperado 
 
 Has got all the girls upon strings. 
 
 And poor gentle Dormy's ^ experience stormy 
 
 In Boston was really a shame; 
 For two mortal hours he stayed — by the powers! 
 
 But alas, the fair maid never came. 
 
 While Amory,"^ they tell, on a Beverly belle 
 Bestowed his best Groton hat-band 
 [ 378 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 If that exquisite she for his sake would agree 
 To wear it and pledge him her hand. 
 
 And Edmands, the Owl, rolls his eyes to the skies. 
 As he thinks of the falseness of woman. 
 
 And poor Selden Rose, when he dared to propose, 
 Was spurned in a manner inhuman. 
 
 The stout Skinny Prince^ was surprised not long 
 since 
 
 While writing a sonnet, they say. 
 In praise of his fair one with carroty hair — 
 
 He entitled the song ^^A Hot Day." 
 
 And Coly MacDonald thinks oft of the days 
 When the lady he cherished so dearly 
 
 Would hang on his arm as he showed her the way 
 From the famous establishment Brearly. 
 
 And Pennington Pearson was badly cut out 
 
 At a ball at Bar Harbour they tell. 
 Mac Michael bore off his fair partner and she 
 
 Declared he would do quite as well. . 
 
 But bind up your sorrows, ye merry men all. 
 
 There 's lots of good fish in the sea ; 
 The misfortunes of others I now will relate, 
 
 And perhaps they '11 restore you to glee. 
 
 Judge Michael Mac Mike once thought he would 
 like 
 To indulge in an ulligant swim. 
 [ 379 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Each Bar Harbour girl was all in a whirl 
 And postponed her own dippy for him. 
 
 Himself then he clad in the best that he had. 
 
 Blue and red were his little legs fat_, 
 And the maidens declared when they saw him — they 
 dared 
 
 Not plunge in the briny with That. 
 
 Mac Michael was wroth since the girls were so loath, 
 And averred he 'd not go in that day; 
 
 He retired with a pout, dressed again, and cleared 
 out. 
 And his blue and red togs gave away. 
 
 But such a dislike took this sensitive Mike 
 
 To bathing in general that he 
 Gave all his bath nights to Seward Webb, who 
 
 No use for them has, as you see. 
 
 Seward lives on the brains of wild pheasant, and gains 
 
 His portly proportions of late 
 From a diet of snakes, and his household pets makes 
 
 Of the snakes up in Shelburne they state. 
 
 Oh, poor forlorn and doleful Rives, 
 His melancholy visage grieves 
 
 My being to the quick. 
 Whoever 'd think that 'neath the woe 
 Depicted on his face, he 'd go 
 
 Concoct a monkey trick! 
 [ 380 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 He bet young Cutting ^ he could never 
 Project his knife across the river. 
 
 Young Cutting "Pooh" did shout. 
 He hurled the knife— it splashed and sank, 
 Of course he had himself to thank. 
 
 But he was one knife out. 
 
 'Tis just as well, that fatal knife 
 Had nearly cost young Cutting's life. 
 
 For when he tried to shave 
 In moment rash his young mustache. 
 He made a gash, a horrid hash. 
 
 Which brought him nigh the grave. 
 
 Upon the floor and desk his gore 
 
 Went spouting from the wound. 
 I tell you 't was a gruesome sight. 
 
 And Tommy Barber swooned. 
 / • 
 
 The kids are most polite 
 
 I heard the other night. 
 When Sampson called a Prefect "Sir," 
 
 'T was really out of sight. 
 
 And Smouchy,!^ ^s they say. 
 When he goes out to play. 
 Perfumes his hair, and to the foe 
 All signals gives away. 
 
 While to amuse the crowd 
 Heard stands serene and proud; 
 [ 381 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 And while his brethren work and fight 
 Plays the hand-organ loud. 
 
 And Atwater — 'tis fame 
 From proper sense of shame, 
 To hear his own voice is too shy. 
 Or answer to his name. 
 
 John Parker keeps all in a trance 
 By whistling a popular dance; 
 He never will stop till he 's ready to drop 
 If the Master will give him a chance. 
 
 The little Brice is awful nice, 
 
 So quiet and polite; 
 You 'd never find him playing hob 
 
 Or rough-housing at night. 
 
 Upon the football field he stood. 
 
 A favour he would beg 
 From Mr. Peabody — now some 
 
 Might kick him in the leg. 
 
 Or poke his ribs, or say, "Look here." 
 
 Oh, no, with manner grand. 
 Exactly as it were in class. 
 
 He just held up his hand. 
 
 When Watson Blair, with artless air. 
 
 Said he had got a hint 
 For me to write and read to-night, 
 
 A thing he called a "squint," 
 [ 382 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 I turned and asked him was it true 
 
 He never took a shower, 
 Or bath or plunge or e'en a sponge. 
 
 Since yonder fatal hour 
 
 When first he joined our Groton ranks ? 
 
 He showed no sense of shame, 
 But honest pride, as he replied 
 
 He 'd washed before he came. 
 
 When Minnow Fish ^^ went forth to sail, 
 A cry arose above the gale. 
 
 Resounding in his ears; 
 A cry as of a drowning wight 
 Came whistling o'er the breakers white. 
 
 Exciting all his fears. 
 
 His helm he quickly put about 
 To save a life, with courage stout; 
 
 The tempest howled the brisker. 
 After long search he no one found. 
 And thus perceived the source of sound 
 
 Was zephyrs in his whisker. 
 
 The famous clan of Amory 
 
 Through all the world around. 
 
 For famous feats of memory 
 Has ever been renowned. 
 
 Oh, I should much have liked to hear 
 My little cousin Charlie 
 [ 383 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 Before the Sacred Study class 
 Describe the famous parley. 
 
 And all the details of the fight, 
 
 Unless my memory lieth. 
 With every word and blow which passed 
 
 'Twixt Jason and Goliath. 
 
 Hoffman is much dissatisfied 
 
 With Groton's simple fare. 
 He lately tried to suicide 
 
 In absolute despair, 
 
 Because we do not have each day 
 
 Expensive oyster stew. 
 And life is scarcely worth the while 
 
 Where oysters are so few. 
 
 Mrs. McMurray proudly wears 
 The gem he tried to foist U- 
 
 'pon her as a first-class pearl 
 Which he found in an oyster. 
 
 Poor, poor Doctor Moore 
 
 Tried the blinds to close. 
 When the blind most unkind 
 
 Swung to on his nose. 
 
 Blind with pain once again 
 
 Out his head he thrust. 
 But the pane a glass one proved 
 
 By the blind one bust. 
 [ 384 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 See the pun? Ain't it fun? 
 
 Different kinds oi pain. 
 Never mind, if you 're blind 
 
 Don't do so again. 
 
 They say that Hardwick and hard work are such 
 
 friends 
 That he does n't much care if this term never ends; 
 
 For during the holidays gay , 
 Double portions of food three or four times as good 
 Instead of vacation are served as a ration 
 
 To those who prefer here to stay. 
 
 So Hardwick 's decided to write to his folks: 
 He '11 spend Christmas up here if they think they 
 can coax 
 The Rector to promise him true 
 That pillow fights, scraps, and free rough-house shall 
 
 sway 
 With beefsteak and turkey served three times a day. 
 And fish and corned beef be taboo. 
 
 I gave a tea the other night 
 
 And issued invitation 
 To half a dozen kids to come 
 
 And taste of my collation. 
 
 But Dana Anderson said No, 
 Was it that he was seedy? 
 
 I later found it was not so, 
 But only he was greedy. 
 [ 385 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 My tea and cake he thought perhaps 
 
 Were fairly decent stuff. 
 But for a really greedy boy 
 
 They were not half enough. 
 
 To yonder village swift he hied 
 
 For chocolate to munch, 
 And having lined his vast inside. 
 
 He came to me to lunch. 
 
 They say when Mr. Leach 
 Feels a longing for a peach. 
 Or an apple or an orange or a pear, 
 "Go to, go to," says he, "I need merely take my key 
 And help myself to all that I can bear." 
 
 For this Faculty recruit is high guardian of the fruit 
 In the closet where the odours sweet abide. 
 
 Far different from roses which salute the hapless noses 
 Of those who in the studies blue reside. 
 
 Yet why should fellows care if he a reasonable tariff 
 From importers of those dainties should exact? 
 
 And if, in charging duty, he consumes some speckled 
 beauty, 
 There 's nothing very shocking in the act. 
 
 But the trouble that at night is taken for appendici- 
 tis. 
 Or at any rate that makes him pace the floor, 
 
 [ 886 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 Interferes with the loud guffaws of the good old- 
 fashioned rough-house, 
 So we hope he '11 never do so any more. 
 
 At the wonted bathing hour 
 He indulged him in a shower. 
 
 With a towel lightly wrapped about his head. 
 Harry Sargent, young and bad, thought him just some 
 other lad. 
 
 So he flung at him a reeking sponge and fled. 
 
 Poor Mr. Nichols, his shirt collar tickles. 
 Or else he 's not pleased with its style; 
 
 His cries of distress could be heard for no less 
 Than something about half a mile. 
 
 Oh, will you not fly, passer-by, passer-by. 
 
 And bring to my Mansion of Pain,^^ 
 From the sewing-room box an assortment of stocks .^^ 
 
 For I ne'er shall wear collar again. 
 
 You see he expects that most useful of necks 
 Made of rubber — I hardly need mention. 
 
 He thus can acquire for use when the Choir 
 Won't pay him the best of attention. 
 
 We heard he had taken to bubbling of late 
 
 But the one time he ever was seen 
 At this sort of sport, or so they report, 
 
 He was running a sewing machine. 
 
 [ 387 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But among the misfortunes with which he 's been 
 plagued^ 
 
 I think the most dreadful of all 
 Was when in the bushes he with three wild rushes 
 
 Attempted to fall on the ball. 
 
 And talking of rubber, 't is much worn they say 
 
 By leaders of fashion, a few of 'em. 
 By exquisite scholars, in very high collars. 
 
 And Newbold and Gambril are two of 'em. 
 
 S. Biddle of that clan unique 
 Is making a success of Greek, 
 
 He 's mastered the word ""Ova's.'' 
 Though but the fifth part of an ass. 
 As Mr. Abbott said in class, 
 
 Kat yKoXovOu <l>oj/os. 
 
 He thought he needed a new vest 
 To grace the feast to-night. 
 
 He borrowed one from Barclay Farr, 
 He was a lovely sight. 
 
 Little Clark, oh, little Clark, 
 You remember the remark 
 Mr. Ogilby once made 
 To his listening scholars? 
 
 Count the fingers on your hand 
 If you wish to understand; 
 But he wished he had n't spoke. 
 Not for sixty dollars. 
 [ 388 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 Little Clark held up his fist. 
 While the class with wonder whist 
 
 Thought him going to blubber. 
 But he only smiled with joy. 
 And that else respectful boy 
 
 Gently murmured "Rubber." 
 
 Hadden and Gaps ^^ and Boyer, Starr, Higginson and 
 
 Sawyer, 
 Descended upon Newport just to show them how to 
 do it. 
 The Avenue woke up and stared. 
 And all the cottagers declared 
 There ne'er was such a season since 
 The time when first they knew it. 
 
 A group of them descended in costumes strange and 
 splendid 
 Upon the hospitality of Sidney Fish so meek. 
 They only came to dinner with the unsuspecting 
 Minner,^^ 
 But he did n't well get rid of them for something 
 like a week. 
 
 Oh, the horrors of that season. 
 We trembled for the reason 
 Of Boyer, who sustained a really paralyzing fright. 
 For Psyche ^^ up and burgled. 
 And Phil ^^ jibbered, shrieked and gurgled. 
 And insisted on two roommates for the balance of 
 the night. 
 
 [ 389" ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 While Gaps procured a poker — 
 He always was a joker — 
 And hiding 'neath a potted palm he aimed it 
 at the head 
 Of the robber, grim and awful. 
 At his handiwork unlawful. 
 And exclaimed in quavering accents, ''Not a 
 step, or you are dead." 
 
 Dicky Gambril, young and fair. 
 Lacked a Book of Common Prayer, 
 
 Also he loved candy ; 
 When a box from Huyler's came. 
 How could Dicky be to blame 
 
 If he thought it dandy? 
 
 But the Rector said not so. 
 
 ''Right straight home the box shall go, 
 
 Sweets are not permitted." 
 Back it went against his will; 
 Dick who lacks a prayer book still 
 
 Surely should be pitied. 
 
 Poor old Harding was on a time regarding 
 His image in a mirror, and he stroked his 
 whitey beard. 
 "I am fat and I 'm romantic. 
 But it nearly drives me frantic 
 To think that in the poem I have never yet 
 appeared." 
 
 [ 390 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1903 
 
 He may be fat and whitey, and he 's lovely in his 
 nighty. 
 And he weighs two hundred pounds, and that is 
 huge; 
 But he 'd be a bit more hefty if he 'd try the method 
 defty 
 Employed for gaining weight by BiUy Rouge/'^ 
 
 Who called his friends' attention to the marvellous 
 extension 
 During bathing of his own avoir du poids; 
 His heavy towel wearing, on the scales he stood, de- 
 claring. 
 He had gained full twenty pounds, to all the boys. 
 
 Mr, Ogilby fair has lovely red hair. 
 
 Or such is T. Higginson's claim. 
 He begged I 'd insert the above in my rhyme. 
 
 But hoped I 'd not drag in his name. 
 
 For he 's feeling quite feeble, his meals disagree. 
 
 Dyspeptic and hectic his cough. 
 For good pork and beans quite otherwise taste 
 
 When consumed standing up at the trough. ^^ , 
 
 And he can't do his work, he has so much to do. 
 
 Detention, triangles and such. 
 And he begs you won't give him a half hour more. 
 
 Poor Tommy, 't is really too much. 
 
 But as I have said, an exquisite red 
 Adorns the Ogilbian locks, 
 [ 391 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But the hue of his tresses caused many latenesses 
 To those unprovided with clocks. 
 
 In Infirmary Hall the inhabitants tall 
 
 On a system of signs had agreed : 
 A curtain he 'd hang when the outer bell rang. 
 
 So to worry they never would need. 
 
 If a curtain of green in the window were seen, 
 'Twas a sign they must hustle like sin; 
 
 But they never need hurry nor feel any worry 
 If a curtain of red were therein. 
 
 One day he forgat and unconsciously sat 
 With his head on the window reclining; 
 
 Alas, for their fate, the whole outfit were late. 
 And they found all the bretheren dining. 
 
 The best thing I 've to sing to you 
 Is hardly a new thing to you. 
 
 And yet, though old, 't is dear. 
 We've got a set of faces 
 In the old accustomed places. 
 
 And I tell you we are glad to have 
 them here. 
 
 The Rector and the Mrs. 
 And their five young hopeful blisses 
 Have come to us again from foreign 
 parts ; 
 
 [ 392 ] 
 
BIRTHDAY 1908 
 
 They 're looking young and sprightful. 
 And I '11 tell you it 's delightful 
 
 To greet them from the bottom of our 
 hearts. 
 
 But along with the fair daughters, 
 They have brought us o'er the waters 
 
 An exquisite romantic-looking beast; 
 A dachshund or a collie. 
 Or a little pug-dog jolly. 
 
 Would n't serve us to describe him in 
 the least. 
 
 I think he is a setter. 
 
 Or, for want of something better, 
 
 A greyhound one might guess but for 
 the fur; 
 But although he is a beauty. 
 It remains my painful duty 
 
 To confess that he is just a yaller cur.^^ 
 
 Oh, well do I recall to-night. 
 
 Some seven years ago 
 This very day, a Master said, 
 
 ^^My brother, do you know 
 
 ''A dozen years have rolled away 
 Since first we entered here 
 
 Upon the useful, happy work 
 Which now has grown so dear? 
 
 [ 393 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 "Could there have been a better life 
 Than God has made our lot — 
 
 To do His work and till His field 
 In this beloved spot?" 
 
 "Happy indeed," I cried, and still 
 
 Repeat it here to-day: 
 "Dearer and happier to me 
 
 As each year rolls away." 
 
 God bless the future, and our work 
 
 Bless as in days of yore, 
 Still side by side in mutual help, 
 
 For nineteen birthdays more.^^ 
 
 [ 394 ] 
 
NOTES 
 
 1 H, Potter. 
 ^ A. M. Jones. 
 ^ J. Breese. 
 * Thornton Brown. 
 ^ Norman Sturgis. 
 « F. Foster. 
 ■^ C. M. Amory. 
 ^ Morton Prince. 
 ^ Suydam Cutting. 
 
 10 H. Roosevelt. 
 
 11 Sidney Fish. 
 
 1^ Mr. Nichols dwelt in the " Cottage" for co7itagious dis- 
 eases. 
 
 1^ John Clark. 
 
 1* G. G. Bacon. 
 
 1^ Stuyvesant Fishy Jr. 
 
 1^ P. Boyer. 
 
 1^ W. Grosvenor. 
 
 1^ Side table where the ill-mannered eat standing. 
 
 1® Pompey. 
 
 ^*^ Mr. Billings received this day a call to a Brooklyn 
 Parish. He declined after some iveeks of cotisideration. 
 
 [ 395 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 
 
 1908 
 
 I AM a poor, unaided, helpless thing, 
 
 All, all alone to-night my song I sing; 
 
 For when I ask a question, it falls flat — 
 
 The Oracle has gone on a Sabbat.^ 
 
 Instead, then, of the usual duet 
 
 Performed with him whose absence we regret, 
 
 Your poet is compelled to change his tone 
 
 And do the Pythian Priestess act alone. 
 
 But when I offer problems to myself I 
 
 Must recollect I am no more in Delphi 
 
 Where frequent draughts of the Castalian Spring 
 
 Might stimulate most any one to sing. 
 
 No, naught is left but chocolate and cake. 
 
 E'en tea I 'm not permitted to partake.^ 
 
 So Sunday nights when I have sipped my choc, 
 
 I arm me with a pen and paper block. 
 
 And make the dome resound with my appeal 
 
 That each will all the deeds of each reveal. 
 
 Squibs! Squibs! I cry, when round me with a clamour 
 
 The kids my ear drums thus begin to hammer 
 
 And hope that I '11 embody in my verse 
 
 Some feeble jokes like these — or even worse: 
 
 " Oh, Burnham is fat, or Clark has no hat. 
 
 Or Sargent does nothing but snore. 
 
 Or Duffer ^ in Latin don't know where he 's at, 'n' 
 
 Poor Krech was stood out on the floor. 
 
 Or Williams is a well-red youth. 
 
 He 's red all over, 't is the truth; 
 
 [ 397 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 His underclothes from socks to shirt 
 Are briUiant scarlet they assert. 
 Or Little Low, oh. Piggy Low * 
 
 His crimson napkin waved 
 At an angry cow, and they tell me how 
 
 His precious life was saved. 
 For away he flew — he was frightened blue — 
 
 To his home in the Pig Pen dark," — 
 And they give you more of such squibs by the score 
 
 On white-headed Dixon or Clark. 
 How Spiggotty ^ tiny endeavours to shine, he 
 
 Declares he 's a chip of old Don, 
 The family toothbrush that hangs by the sink. 
 
 Or of Jeffy,^ or Bubbles,"^ or John. 
 Mike ^ and Grosvenor are tramps, Blair and Foster are 
 scamps. 
 
 And Pompey® chewed Smouchy's^^ golosh; 
 Hunnewell is a swell, so is Warner they tell. 
 
 And acres and acres of bosh : 
 How Christie once locked himself into a locker. 
 And jokes about Bartow ^^ or some other Crocker. 
 How Rogers got locked in the Robing Room Closet 
 And Heard got a ten or a zero — which was it.^ — 
 When he tried to impress with his learning and speech 
 That wary old bird, the acute Mr. Leach. 
 
 We have listened, oh, we've listened with unmitigated 
 
 joy 
 
 To a marvellous performance unassisted by a boy; 
 The Faculty they did it, by themselves they did — 
 alone, 
 
 [ 398 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 And a special radiance over the proceedings they have 
 
 thrown. 
 They cleared their throats and struck up with a har- 
 mony seraphic 
 A selection which can only be described in language 
 
 graphic 
 As quite the crowning triumph of all Groton's famed 
 
 quartettes^ 
 Melojious-ojious murmurings of Mr, Nichols' Pets.^^ 
 I 'm told they 're most irreverently nicknamed by the 
 
 boys 
 The Christmas aggregation of Old Nick's rejected 
 
 toys. 
 While Mr. Abbott plays an obligato on the flute, 
 Which let us thank our stars is but a mute and cannot 
 
 toot. 
 
 And now I think of Mr. Nichols, 
 
 Have you heard his fate.'* 
 The very thought my fancy tickles. 
 
 What he did of late. 
 
 At a shop, alas, alack, he. 
 
 Once upon a time. 
 He essayed to buy some baccy. 
 
 Costing half a dime. 
 
 He handed the amount ter 
 
 A lady bright and clever. 
 Who stood behind the counter 
 
 And was just the smartest ever, 
 [ 399 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 She saw his youthful trembUng, 
 
 She knew he came from School, 
 So formed a plan dissembling 
 
 The Rector's eye to fool. 
 ^^I 'm sure that it would save yer. 
 
 My little man/' she cried, 
 "Some marks for bad behaviour 
 
 If I the parcel tied 
 Into a little packet 
 
 Resembling simple candy — 
 'T would save you from a racket." 
 
 When with his manner grand he 
 Deposited his half a dime, 
 
 Snatched up the goods and ran. 
 He thinks it 's really almost time 
 
 They knew a grown-up man. 
 They say he uses much perfume 
 
 With which with instinct wary 
 He tried to disinfect his room 
 
 In yonder Cottage ^^ airy. 
 But after all he gave it up 
 
 And simply fled the coop. 
 The cackling of the Chicken-Pox, 
 
 The whooping of the Whoop 
 Have so disorganized his nerves 
 
 That quit he really ought ter. 
 It makes him feel, as he observes. 
 
 Like onejifth of a quarter}^ 
 
 Oh, Kingsford is a merry little party. 
 
 It really does one good to see him round; 
 [ 400 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 His sunny smile so cheery and so hearty^ 
 
 And jolly laugh are getting quite renowned. 
 And yet he was not always so 't is rumoured, 
 
 At first we thought he had the chronic grumps, 
 So homesick and so melancholy humoured 
 
 That every one had nicknamed him Jim Dumps. 
 But what a change has come since his arrival! 
 
 We sometimes scarce believe him really him. 
 And since this altogether grand revival 
 
 He now is known to all as Sunny Jim. 
 
 Oh, Butter Ball, my Blubber Bags,!^ 
 
 Why is it when you eat 
 That we so often gaze at you 
 
 Erect upon your feet.'* 
 Methinks it simply must be this: 
 
 So full you are of food 
 That in the cramped position 
 
 Of a sitting attitude 
 You simply cannot stuff in more, 
 
 So just to straighten up. 
 You jump and shake your dinner down 
 
 And thus make room to sup. 
 One cranny more you thus obtain 
 
 To cram more morsels in, 
 But cannot then sit down again, 
 
 And now you feel like sin. 
 
 The gentle Wilmer ^^ sometimes tries 
 The patience of his teachers, 
 
 [ 401 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But never his own temper fails, 
 
 This tenderest of creatures. 
 When Mr. A.^^ throws books at him, 
 
 He says in accents bland: 
 '^Oh, man of splendid qualities. 
 
 Your character is grand." 
 
 One day Johnny Parker was called up in Class, 
 And pronounced with some sternness a consummate ass. 
 The title John Parker accepted with glee. 
 And as squib for this poem he gave it to me. 
 I wish he would give me a bit of his hair. 
 The cousinly tribute I 'm sure he could spare. 
 Just look at his Psyche Knot worn on the brow 
 Instead of behind — 'tis the fashion just now. 
 
 Dan, Dan,^^ the wise young man. 
 
 Most wonderful to state, 
 Has much the best taste in the School, 
 
 For when he passed his plate, 
 This merry Sargent lad, one day 
 
 For that great king of dishes — 
 The corned beef red — ^'By Jove," he said, 
 
 ^^This Venison is dehcious." 
 
 And talking on this subject. 
 
 The subject sweet of grub. 
 The worthy Hen ^^ and his merry men 
 
 Have started a Manners Club. 
 
 If puns are uttered by mistake. 
 
 Or mouthfuls are too big, 
 [ 402 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 Or kids play giddy pelican. 
 Or gobble like a pig. 
 
 Or overset a pitcher — 
 
 To expiate the crime 
 Charity 's made the richer. 
 
 They 're mulcted half a dime. 
 
 The Sixth are puzzled sorely 
 
 At choice of a profession, 
 And when an opening shows itself 
 
 They straightway take possession. 
 
 Two courses have been offered to 
 
 The subject of my jokes. 
 Two offers highly flattering 
 
 Been made to Harold Stokes, — 
 
 A French modiste or dressmaker 
 
 Might offer some variety. 
 Or lady patroness, they write. 
 
 Of a Good Works Society. 
 
 But Stokes declines the proffers. 
 
 His health will not permit it, 
 Anonyma afflicts his head. 
 
 He 's truly to be pitied. 
 
 I 'm sometimes called upon to sit 
 In these my rhymes on Pie Eye Schmitt,^® 
 Who when Jack Suter blushed 
 
 [ 403 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 At being called the second best 
 Soprano in the Choir_, confessed 
 
 He thought the speaker gushed: 
 For Jack has grown so very bad. 
 That boisterous, rambunctious lad. 
 
 His cubicle he kicks 
 In rage one night, though he said that 
 He gave it but a tender pat — 
 
 But he got soaked for six. 
 
 Oh, Pie Face, Pie Face, there you sit, 
 Oh, Minnott of the name of Schmitt, 
 
 A harmony in white. 
 His lugs they say are just sublime. 
 He rolls his pants up every time 
 
 To just the proper height. 
 White is the colour he prefers. 
 And Kermit ^^ in his rhymes avers 
 
 That in the Fives Court Hallways 
 His gloves are white and white the ball. 
 His shoes, his pants, his hair and all, 
 
 Only his face — not always. 
 
 I 've heard of the pleasures of hunting of Snarks, 
 
 Or chasing the anise-seed trail. 
 But the rapture of hunting and chasing St. Mark's 
 
 Makes all other pleasures to pale. 
 Hurrah, then, hurrah, Dilly Starr, Dilly Starr, 
 
 For though I to boast would not seem. 
 Though they may have their share of good points I 'm 
 aware. 
 
 We just wope up the ground with their team.^^ 
 
 [ 404 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 Jimmy Howe^ what's the row? 
 
 Why so green and sickly? 
 Why, as you often do, 
 
 Leave the Chapel quickly? 
 
 On a day, as they say. 
 
 He with box of sweets 
 Chmbs a dormitory beam. 
 
 Where he eats and eats. 
 
 What ill luck! there he's stuck! 
 
 Jimmy all forlorn 
 Thinks that he starved will be. 
 
 For the candy 's gone. 
 
 Nimrod,^^ the mighty hunter. 
 
 Had trouble with his valet. 
 Who said a few unpleasant things 
 
 Not suiting Nimmy's palate. 
 His folks were on a journey. 
 
 So Nimmy thought he 'd pounce 
 Upon this fine occasion 
 
 That valet rude to bounce. 
 The cook, however, followed 
 
 And eke the lady's maid. 
 The nurse, the coachman, and the boots, 
 
 And not a servant stayed. 
 Nim felt a trifle worried. 
 
 And then alas, alack! 
 Their journey they had hurried. 
 
 And Nimmy's folks came back. 
 [ 405 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 " Oh, father dear/' said Nimmy, 
 
 ''No words to waste there 's need, 
 I acted prompt and wisely, 
 
 I deed, I deed, I deed." 
 The father smiled benignly. 
 
 His plan went somewhat deeper. 
 No valet now he 's hired for Nim, 
 
 But one they dub his "Keeper." 
 
 Fry, Smouchy and Briee, that trio so nice. 
 
 Are filled with a horrible dread 
 Of burglars and bugaboos, goblins and ghosts. 
 
 And hardly dare get into bed. 
 They wake up and scream when some blood-curd- 
 ling dream 
 
 Their pillows may happen to visit. 
 They yell for their ma's or their pa's, and my 
 stars ! 
 
 Did you hear it? Oh, mommer! What is it? 
 Parker walks in his sleep and it makes their flesh 
 creep. 
 
 Or they get a dread glimpse of MacVeagh 
 With a long shaggy mane, like a goblin insane — 
 
 They gurgle and wish for the day. 
 They shriek for the light in a passion of fright, 
 
 Oh, vision of fear and despair! 
 Their blood it runs cold, on a gibbet behold 
 
 H. Rogers hung up by the hair. 
 The bard recommends to his terrified friends. 
 
 They go to F. Biddle so nice, 
 
 [ 406 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 Who 'gainst sights infernal, records in his journal 
 
 The following wholesome advice: 
 "I 've given up steak, and liow freely partake 
 
 Of fish and corned beef for repast, 
 And this treatment unique has produced in a 
 week 
 
 A digestion I deem unsurpassed." 
 
 A fatal game of football occurred on Soldiers' Field, 
 At which I grieve to tell you old Harvard had to yield. 
 But have you heard the sequel, the sad mishap to 
 
 crown. 
 An awful visitation occurred to Buster Brown .f*^^ 
 His head it grew and grew so that by the Sunday morn 
 'Twas seven sizes larger than when that youth was 
 
 born. 
 He had to buy a headpiece, a thirteen and a half. 
 And even then his efforts to wear it made one laugh. 
 He jammed it and he squeezed it upon his manly brow, 
 But still it did n't suit him nor fit him even now. 
 To make it slide on smoothly and further pain to save, 
 His elegant side whiskers he was compelled to shave. 
 
 A mighty man of valour 
 
 Is young Samson ^^ — like the old one. 
 Why, then> the ghastly pallour 
 
 On the visage of this bold one ? 
 He 's in a dreadful quandary 
 
 Between opposing fires. 
 And on the case to ponder he 
 
 A moment's space requires. 
 [ 407 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 His orders are conflicting. 
 
 For Blagden ^^ has decreed 
 That he to football practice 
 
 This minute must proceed. 
 While strange to say the Master 
 
 The ordinance disdains, 
 And in the school-rooiTi Samson 
 
 For idleness detains. 
 A moment's hesitation, 
 
 A moment's anxious doubt, 
 The Master is n't looking. 
 
 And Samson just slips out. 
 He 'd rather get six black marks, 
 
 Or any dread disgrace. 
 Or half a dozen Rectors, 
 
 Than Blagden' s fury face. 
 
 P. Boyer one day got more dotty, they say, 
 
 And said to the nurse, Miss Potter, 
 That two boiled eggs he 'd have, and he begs 
 
 She 'd get him a bag of hot water; 
 And unless she did as P. Boyer bid 
 
 And sent for Hadden Hammily, 
 The roof he 'd raise, and there 'd follow, he says, 
 
 A death in the Potter family. 
 
 Just give him some chalk and a line he 'd walk 
 
 To prove his perfect sanity. 
 He wept and he smiled and was savage — then 
 mild. 
 With a cackle of vacant inanity. 
 [ 408 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 His bidding to do^ Miss Potter then flew, 
 The hot water bottle she brung it. 
 
 But he hid it when she did n't happen to see 
 And said from the window he 'd flung it. 
 
 " Who is this kid with the eyes so red?" 
 "My name it is MilHken, sir," he said. 
 "Why are you sorrowful, my little lad.^* 
 What has occurred to make you sad?" 
 
 "Yon cruel Master, sir," he said, 
 "Slung a big black mark at my head." 
 "Him with the specs on, there?" said I. 
 "Yes, sir," said Milliken, ready to cry; 
 "That big man with the look so grim, 
 Him that they nickname Slouchy Tim.^' 
 He 's the new Master in French they say. 
 Looks like a Dago, anyway." 
 "Oh, Mr. Timmins, I beg on my knees. 
 Take off his black mark, won't you please?" 
 
 One day they say that Sidney Biddle, 
 Though not afflicted in his middle. 
 
 Nor feet, nor e'en his head. 
 In perfect health and strength retired, 
 A thing he 's doubtless long desired. 
 
 To spend three days in bed. 
 
 He was not ill, he was not lazy. 
 And though his words at times are crazy. 
 He's never short of breath ; 
 [ 409 ] 
 
GROTON SCHOOL VERSES 
 
 But his complaint, ah, wretched sinner. 
 Tore him from breakfast, lunch and dinner — 
 He suffered from Black Death. 
 
 Within his cubicle reposing. 
 
 His eyes in gentle slumber closing, 
 
 A graduate once lay. 
 In dewy sleep, with hair unkempt, he 
 Had occupied the bed left empty 
 
 While Biddle was away. 
 
 When Grizzy Webb ^^ with stealthy motion 
 Approached and had the joyous notion 
 
 To heave at him a slipper, 
 *'Wake up, wake up, young Beets," he cried, 
 And at the graduate he shied 
 
 The shoe — oh, wicked Hipper! 
 
 It really is to all of us unspeakable relief 
 
 To find that Mr. Jefferson has not yet come to grief ^^ 
 
 We had an anxious moment which made all turn 
 
 faint and pale. 
 His voice might not be heard here since the owner 
 
 was in jail. 
 Thank goodness that his trial does n't come until next 
 
 week; 
 No hanging will ensue nor such experience unique. 
 We hope sincerely and that he, poor man, while he 's 
 
 away. 
 Will enjoy the turkey which the prisons serve on 
 
 Christmas Day. 
 
 [ 410 ] 
 
CHRISTMAS 1903 
 
 The hours fly by and Groton's years increase 
 In wondrous joy, prosperity and peace, 
 And still to welcome us in dark and cold, 
 The Homestead hearth burns brightly as of old. 
 
 The blessed Christmastide has come again 
 With holy message of good will to men. 
 Laurel and holly and the Yule log's blaze 
 Once more proclaim the coming of the days 
 
 When peace and kindness, plenty and good cheer. 
 And greetings warm unite to crown the year. 
 
 What greeting warmer than the first of all. 
 Our Merry Christmas in the Homestead Hall? 
 To all I bid it, and my rhyme is done. 
 And so good night, God bless us every one. 
 
 THE END 
 
NOTES 
 
 I The Rev. S. Billings, G. S. Delphic Oracle jWas in Eu- 
 rope taking a Sabbatical vacation. 
 
 ^ Tea for younger boys was abolished in October. 
 
 3 R. Clifford. 
 
 * A. Low. 
 
 ^ Nichols. 
 
 ^ Newbold. 
 
 '^ Fry. 
 
 8 McMichael. 
 
 ^ Rose Peabody^s yellow dog. 
 
 10 H. Roosevelt. 
 
 II Bartow Crocker. 
 
 1^ Messrs. Jefferson, Richards, Woods and Ogilby. 
 
 1^ The Pain Dome. 
 
 1* Nichol or Half Dime. 
 
 15 G. Silsbee. 
 
 1^ W. Hoffman. 
 
 1"^ Mr. Abbott. 
 
 1^ D. Sargent. 
 
 1^ J. Auchincloss. 
 
 20 C. M. Amory. 
 
 21 K. Roosevelt. 
 
 ^ Thirty-five to nothing. 
 
 2^ N. Prince. 
 
 2^ T. Brown. 
 
 25 R. Samson. 
 
 26 M. Blagden. 
 
 2*^ G. H. Timmins. 
 
 28 G. Webb. 
 
 2^ Slander trial, Powell vs. Jefferson. 
 
MAY 6 J904 
 
LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
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