IRVING'S KNICKERBOCKER. RIVERSIDE EDITION. » WITH DESIGNS BY DABLEY. KMICMRBDCKIE S NEW YOKE. BY WASHINGTON IRVING. PHILADELPHIA J. B. LIPPING OTT & CO. A HisTOKY OF New Yokk, FROM THE BEGINNING OF THE WORLD TO THE END OF THE DUTCH DYNASTY; CONTAINING, AMONG MANY SURPRISING AND CURIOUS MATTERS, TM UNUTTERABLE PONDERINGS OP WALTER THE DOUBTER, THE DISASTROUS PROJECTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND THE CHIVALRIC ACHIEVEMENTS OF PETER THE HEADSTRONG ; THE THREE DUTCH GOV- ERNORS OP NEW AMSTERDAM ; BEING THE ONLY AUTHENTIC IIISTOIIY OF THE TIMES THAT WVBB HATH BEEN OR EVER WILL BE PUBLISHED. BY DIEDRICH KNICKERBOCKER^ g.| a^v^ a 35e tt>aar()ci& ^te in tJiit^fer tag, S)ic fomt met t(aav(;eit> aan i>«n ^ag. THE AUTHOR'S REVISED EDITION COMPLETE IN ONE VOLUME. PHILADELPHIA : J. B. LIPPINCOTT & CO. 1873. . I Bntered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1864, hj George P. Putnam, In this Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District oi New York. s^ PAOI I'lIE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY 15 ORIGINAL ADVERTISEMENTS 21 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR 23 ADDRESS TO THE PUBLIC 35 BOOK I. CONTAINma DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILOSOPHIC SPECOIA TIONS, CONCERNING THE CREATION AND POPULATION OF THE WORLD, AS CONNECTED WITH THE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Chap. I. — Description of the World 43 Chap. II. — Cosmogonj'-, or Creation of the World; with, a multitude of excellent theories, by Avhich the crea- tion of a world is shown to be no such difficult mat- ter as common folk would imagine 51 Chap. III. — How that famous navigator, Noah, was shamefully nicknamed; and how he committed an unpardonable oversight in not having four sons. With the great trouble of philosophers caused there- by, and the discovery of America 62 Chap. IV. — Showing the great difficulty philosophers have had in peopling America — and how the Abo- rigines came to be begotten by accident — to the great relief and satisfaction of the Author 70 Chap. V. — In which the Author puts a mighty question to the rout, by the assistance of the Man in the Moon — which not only delivers thousands of people from great embarrassment, but likewise concludes this in- troductory book 79 BOOK 11. TBEATING OP THE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF THE PROVINCE OP NIEUW- NEDERLANDTS. Chap. I. — In which are contained divers reasons why a man should not write in a hurry — Also of Master Hendrick Hudson, his discovery of a strange country — and how he was magnificently rewarded by the munificence of their High Mightinesses 98 g CONTENTS. Chap. II. — Containing an account of a mighty Ark which floated, under the protection of St. Nicholas, from Holland to Gibbet Island — the descent of the strange Animals therefrom — a great victory, and a description of the ancient village of Communipaw, . Ill Chap. III. — In which is set forth the true art of making a bargain — together with the miraculous escape of a great Metropolis in a fog — and the biography of cer- tain heroes of Communipaw 119 Chap. IV. — How the heroes of Commimipaw voyaged to Hell-gate, and how they were received there 128 Chap. V. — How the heroes of Communipaw returned somewhat wiser than they went — and how the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream — and the dream that he dreamed 141 Chap. VI. — Containing an attempt at etymology — and of the founding of the great cit^'of New Amsterdam 147 Chap. VII. — How the people of Pavonia migrated from Communipaw to the island of IManna-hata — and how OIotFe the Dreamer proved himself a great land-spec- ulator 150 Chap. VIII. — Of the founding and naming of the new city — of the City Arms; and of the direful feud be- tween Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches 154 Chap. IX. — How the city of New Amsterdam waxed great under the protection of St. Nicholas and the absence of laws and statutes — how Oloffe the Dream- er begun to dream oi an extension of Empire, and of the efifect of his dreams 161 BOOK III. fN WHICH IS KECORDED THE GOLDEN REIGN OF WOUTER VAN TWItLKB. Chap. I. — Of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, his unparalleled virtues — as likewise his unutterable wisdom in the law-case of Wandle Schoonhoven and Barent Bleecker — and the great admiration of the public thereat ]()9 Vaikv. II. — Containing some account of the grand council of New Amsterdam, as also divers especial good phil- osophical reasons why an Alderman should be fat — with other particulars touching the state of the prov- ince 180 Chap. III. — How the town of New Amsterdam arose out of mud, and came (o be marvellously polished and polite — together with a picture of tlie manners of our great-great-grandfathers 191 CONTENTS. PAQl Chap. IV. — Containing farther particulars of the Golden Age, and what constituted a tine Lady and Gentle- man in the days of Walter the Doubter 20C Chap. V. — Of the founding of Fort Aurania — Of the mysteries of the Hudson — Of the arrival of the Pa- troon Killian Van Rensellaer; his lordly descent upon the earth, and his introduction of club-law. . . . 207 Chap. VI. — In which the reader is beguiled into a de- lectable walk, which ends very differently from what it commenced 21 1 Chap. VII. — Faithfully describing the ingenious people of Connecticut and thereabouts — showing, more- over, the true meaning of liberty of conscience, and a curious device among these sturdy barbarians, to keep up a harmony of intercourse, and promote population 217 Chap. VIII. — How these singular barbarians turned out to be notorious squatters. How they built air-castles, and attempted to initiate the Ne'derlunders in the mystery ol' bundling 223 Chap. IX. —How the Fort Goed Hoop was fearfully be- leaguered — how the renowned Wouter fell into a profound doubt, and how he finally evaporated 229 BOOK IV. CONTAmiNQ THE CHRONICLES OP THE REIGN OP WILLIAM THE TESTT Chap. I. — Showing the nature of history in general; — containing furthermore the universal acquirements of William the Testy, and how a man may learn so much as to render himself good for nothing 237 Chap. II. — How William the Testy undertook to conquer by proclamation — how he was a great man abroad, but a little man in his own house 244 Chap. HI. — In which are recorded the sage projects of a ruler of universal genius — The art of fighting by proclamation — and how that the valiant Jacobus Van Curlet came to be foully dishonored at Fort Goed Hoop ". 218 Chap. IV. — Containingthe fearful wrath of William the Testy, and the alarm of New Amsterdam — how the Governor did strongly fortify the City — Of Antony the Trumpeter, and the windy addition to the armo- . rial bearings of New Amsterdam 254 Chap. V. — Of the Jurisprudence of William the Testy, and his admirable e-xpedients for tiie suppression of pove"ty 260 iO CONTENTS. PAOI Chap. VI. — Projects of William the Testy for increasing the currency — he is outwitted by the Yankees — The great Oj'ster War 266 Chap. VII. — Growing discontents of New Amsterdam under the government of William the Testy 272 Chap. VIII. — The edict of William the Testy against Tobacco — Of the Pipe Plot, and the rise of Feuds and Parties 275 Chap. IX. — Of the folly of being happ}' in the time of prosperity — Of troubles to the South brought on by annexation — Of the secret expedition of Jansen Al- pendam, and his magnificent reward 281 Chap. X. — Tj-oublous times on the Hudson — How Kil- lian Van Rensellaer erected a feudal castle, and how he introduced club-law into the province 28G Chap. XI. — Of the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter to the Fortress of Rensellaei*stein — and how he was puzzled by a cabalistic reply 290 Chap. XII. — Containing the rise of the great Amphic- t^'onic Council of the Pilgrims, with the decline and final extinction of William the Testy 294 BOOK V. CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OP PETER STUYVESANT, AND ms TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHICTyONIC COUNCIL. Chap. I. — In which the death of a great man is shown to be no very inconsolable matter of sorrow — and how Peter Stuyvesaiit acquired a great name from the uncommon strengtli of his head 'iOl Chap. II. — Showing liow Peter the Headstrong bestirred himself among the rats and cobwebs on enterino; into office; his interview witli Antony the Trumpeter, and his perilous meddling with the currency J 10 Chap. III. — How the Yankee League waxed more and more potent; and how it outwitted the good Peter in treaty-making 315 Chap. IV. — Containing divers speculations — showing that a treaty of peace is a great national evil 322 Chap. V. — How Peter Stuyvesant was grievously belied by the great council of the League; and how he sent Antony the Trumpeter to take to the council a piece of his mind 330 Chap. VI. — How Peter Stuyvesant demanded a court of honor — and what the court of honor awarded to him 336 CONTENTS. 11 PAOl Chap. VII. — How "Drum Ecclesiastic" was beaten throughout Connecticut for a crusade against the New Netherlands, and how Peter Stuyvesant took measures to fortify his Capital 338 Chap. VIII. — How the Yankee crusade against the New Netherlands was baffled by the sudden outbreak of witchcraft among the people of the East 345 Chap. IX. — Which records the rise and renown of a Military Commander, showing that a man, like a bladder, may be puffed up to greatness by mere wind ; together with the catastrophe of a veteran and his queue 351 BOOK VI. OONTAININQ THE SECOND PART OP THE REIGN OF PETER THE HEAI>- STRONQ, AND mS GALLANT ACHIEVEMENTS ON THE DELAWARE. Chap. I. — In which is exhibited a warlike Portrait of the great Peter — of the windy contest of General Van Poffenburgh and General Printz, and of the Mosquito War on the Delaware 361 Chap. II. — Of Jan Risingh, his giantfy person and crafty deeds; and of the Catastrophe at Fort Casimir 368 Chap. III. — Showing how profound secrets are often brought to light; with the proceedings of Peter the Headstrong when he heard of the misfortunes of Gen- eral Van Poffenburgh 376 Chap. IV. — Containing Peter Stuyvesant s Voyage up tlie Hudson, and the wonders and delights of that renowned river 385 Chap. V. — Describing the powerful Army that assem- bled at the city of New Amsterd;Mn — together with the interview between Peter the Headstrong and General Van Poffenburgh, and Peter's sentiments touching unfortunate great men 394 Chap. VI. — In which the Author discourses very ingen- iously of himself — after which is to be found much interesting history about Peter the Headstrong and his followers 402 Chap. VII. — Showing the great advantage that the Author has over his Reader in time of Battle — together with divers portentous movements; Avhich betoken that something terrible is about to happen. 413' Chap. VIII. — Containing the most horrible battle ever recorded in poetry or prose; Avith tiie admirable ex- ploits of Peter the Headstrong 421 12 CONTENTS, PASI Chat. IX. — In which the Author and the Reader, while reposing after the battle, fall into a very grave dis- course, after which is recorded the conduct of Peter Stuyvesant after his victory 434 BOOK VII. CONTAINING THE THIRD PART OF THE REIGN OP PETER THE HEADSTRONB — HIS TROUBLES WITH THE BRITISH NATION, AND THE DECLINE AND FALL OP THE DUTCH DYNASTY. Chap. I. — How Peter Stuyvesant relieved the Sovereign People from the burden of taking care of the nation; with sundry particulars of his conduct in the time of peace, and of the rise of a great Dutch aristocracy. . 445 Chai*. II. — How Peter Stuyvesant labored to civilize the communit)'- — how he was a great promoter of holidays — how he instituted kissing on New-Year's Day — how he distributed fiddles throughout the New Netherlands — how he ventured to reform the Ladies' petticoats, and how he caught a Tartar 453 Chap. III. — How ti-oubles thicken on the province — hoAV it is threatened by the Helderbergers — The Merrylanders, and the Giants of tiie Susquehanna. . 458 Chap. IV. — How Peter Stuyvesant adventured into the East Country, and how he fared there 462 Chap. V. — How the Yankees secretly sought the aid of the British Cabinet in their hostile schemes against the Manhattoes 470 Chap. VI. — Of Peter Stuvesant's expedition into the East Country, showing that, though an old bird, he did not understand trap 473 Chap. VII. — How the people of New Amsterdam were thrown into a great panic, by the news of the threat- ened invasion ; and the manner in which they fortified themselves 479 Chap. VHI. — IIow the Grand Council of the New Neth- erlands were miraculously gifted with long tongues in the moment of emergency— showing the value of words in warfare 484 Chap. IX. — In which the troubles of New Amsterdam appear to thicken — showing the bravery in time of peril, of a people who defend themselv^es bv resolu- tions : 489 JuAP. X. — Containing a doleful disaster of Antony the Trumpetor — ami how Peter Stuyvesant, like a sec- ond Cromwell, suvldonlv dissolved a Hump Parlia- ment '. 499 CONTENTS. 13 PAQA Chap. XL — How Peter Stuy vesant defended the city of New Amsterdam for several days, by dint of the strength of his head 505 Chap. XII. — Containing the dignified retirement, and mortal surrender of l-*eter the Headstrong 514 Chap. XIH. — The Author's reflections upon what has been s«ud 529 NOTICES fTHIGH APPEARED IN THE NEWSPAPERS PREVIOUS TC THE PUBLICATION OP THIS WORK. From the Evening Post of October 26, 1809. DISTRESSING. Left his lodgings, some time since, and has not since been heard of, a small elderly gentleman, dressed in an old black coat and cocked hat, by the name of Knickerbocker. As there are some reasons for believing he is not entirely in his right mind, and as great anxiety is entertained about him, any information concerning him left either at the Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street, or at the office of this pa- per, will be thankfully received. P. S. Printers of newspapers would be aiding the cause of hu- manity in giving an insertion to the above. From the same^ November 6, 1809. To the Fditor of the Evening Post : Sir, — Having read in your paper of the 26th October last, a para- graph respecting an old gentleman by the name of Knickerbocker^ who was missing from his lodgings ; if it would be any relief to hia friends, or furnish them with any clue to discover where he is, you may inform them that a person answering the description given, waa seen by the passengers of the Albany stage, early in the morning, about four or five weeks since, resting himself by the side of the road, a little above King's Bridge. He had in his hand a small bundle, tied in a red bandana handkerchief; he appeared to be travelling northward, «Dd was very much fatigued and exhausted. A TRAVELLER. 16 NOTICES. From the same^ November 16, 1809. To the Editor of the Evening Post : Sir, — You have been good enough to publish in youi paper a paragraph about Mr. Diedrick Knickerbocker, who was missing so strangely some time since. Nothing satisfactory has been heard of the old gentleman since ; but a very curious kind of a lorilten booh has been found in his room, in his own handwriting. Now I wish you to notice him, if he is still alive, that if he does not return and pay off his bill for boarding and lodging, I shall have to dispose of his book to satisfy me for the same. I am, sir, your humble servant, SETH HANDASIDE, Landlord of the Independent Columbian Hotel, Mulberry Street From the same, November 28, 1S09. LITERARY NOTICE. ImsK££P & Bkabford have in press, and will shortly publish, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, In two volumes, duodecimo. Price Three Dollars. Containing an account of its discovery and settlement, with its in- ternal poUcies, manners, customs, wars, &c., &c., under the Dutch government, furnishing many curious and interesting particulars never before pubUshed, and which are gathered from various man- uscript and other authenticated sources, the whole being inter- spersed with philosophical speculations and moral precepts. This work was found in the chamber of Mr. Diedrich Knicker- bocker, the old gentleman whose sudden and mysterious disappear^ ance has been noticed. It is published in order to discharge cei tain debts he has left behind. Prom the American Citizen, December 6. 1809- Is this day published By Inskeep & Bradford, No. 128 Broatrway, A HISTORY OF NEW YORK, &c. &c. (Containing same as above.) HE following work, in which, at the out- set, nothing more was contemplated than a temporary jeu cVesprit^ was commenced in company with my brother, the late Peter Ir- ving, Esq. Our idea was, to parody a small hand- book which had recently appeared, entitled " A Picture of New York." Like that, our work was to begin with an historical sketch ; to be followed by notices of the customs, manners, and institutions of the city ; written in a serio - comic vein, and treating local errors, follies, and abuses with good- humored satire. To burlesque the pedantic lore displayed in cer- tain American Avorks, our historical sketch was to commence with the creation of the world ; and we laid all kinds of works under contribution for trite citations, relevant, or irrelevant, to give it the proper air of learned research. Before this crude mass of mock erudition could be digested into form, ray brother departed for Europe, and I was left to pros- ecute the enterprise alone. I now altered the plan of the work. Discarding all idea of a parody on the "Picture of New York," I determined that what had been originally in- tended as an introductory sketch, should comprise the whole work, and form a comic history of the 18 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 2ity. I accordingly moulded the mass of citations and dis(|uisitions into introductory chapters, forming the first book ; but it soon became evident to me, that, like Robinson Crusoe ^vith his boat, I had beajun on too large a scale, and that, to launch iny his- tory successfully, I must reduce its proportions, i accordingly resolved to confine it to the period of the Dutch domination, which, in its rise, progress, and decline, presented that unity of subject required by classic rule. It was a period, also, at that time almost a terra incognita in history. In fact, I was surprised to find how few of my fellow-citizens were aware that New York had ever been called New Amsterdam, or had heard of the names of its early Dutch governors, or cared a straw about their an- cient Dutch progenitors. This, then, broke upon me as the poetic age of our city ; poetic from its very obscurity ; and open, like the early and obscure da}'s of ancient Rome, to all the embellishments of heroic fiction. I hailed my native city, as fortunate above all other Amer- ican cities, in having an antiquity thus extending back Into the regions of doubt and fable ; neither did I conceive I was committing any gi'ievous his- torical sin in helping out the few facts I could collect in this remote and foro-otten region with figments of my own brain, or in giving characteristic attributes to the few names connected with it which I might dig up fi'om oblivion. In this, doubtless, I reasoned like a young and inexperienced writer, besotted with his own fancies ; and my presumptuous trespasses into this sacred, thouo;h nejilected rei!;ion of historv have met with deserved rebuke from men of sotcrer minds. It IB too late, however, to recall the shaft thus rashly THE AUTHORS APOLOGY. 19 launched. To any one whose sense of fitness it may wound, I can only say with Hamlet, — Let my disclaiming from a purposed ev'il Free me so far iu your most generous thoughts, That I have shot my arrow o'er the house, And hurt my brother. ^ I will say this in further apology for my work ; that, if it has taken an unwarrantable liberty with our tarly provincial history, it has at least turned attention to that history and provoked research [t is only since this work appeared that the for gotten archives of the province have been rummaged^ and the facts and personages of the olden time res- cued from the dust of oblivion, and elevated into whatever importance they may virtually possess. The main object of my work, in fact, had a bearing wide from the sober aim of history ; but one which, I trust, will meet with some indulgence from poetic minds. It was to embody the tradi- tions ot" our city in an amusing form ; to illustrate its local humors, customs, and peculiarities ; to clothe home scenes and places and familiar names with those imaginative and whimsical associations so sel- dom met witli in our new country, but which live like charms and spells about the cities of the old world, binding the heart of the native inhabitant to his home. In this I have reason to believe I have in some measure succeeded. Before the appearance of my work the popular traditions of our city were unre- corded ; the peculiar and racy customs and usages derived from our Dutch progenitors were unnoticed "^r regarded with indilFerence, or adverted to with a sneer. Now they form a convivial currency, and we brought forward on all occasions ; they link our whole community together in good-huinor and good 20 THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. fellowship ; they are the rallying points of home feeling, the seasoning of our civic festivities, the staple of local tales and local pleasantries, and are so harped upon by o^r writei'S of popular fiction, that I find myself almost crowded off the legen- dary ground which I was the first to explore, by the host who have followed in my footsteps. I dwell on this head, because, at the fii-st appear- ance of my work, its aim and drift were misappre- hended by some of the descendants of the Dutch worthies ; and because I understand that now and then one may still be found to regard it with a cap- tious eye. The far greater part, however, I have reason to flatter myself, receive my good-humored picturings in the same temper in which they were executed ; and when I find, after a lapse of nearly forty years, this hap-hazard production of my youth still cherished among them, — when I find its very name become a " household word " and used to give the home stamp to everything recommend- ed for poi)ular acceptation, such as Knickerbock- er societies, Knickerbocker insurance companies, Knickerbocker steamboats, Knickerbocker omnibuses, Knickerbocker bread, and Knickerbocker ice, — and when I find New Yorkers of Dutch descent prid- ing themselves upon being "genuine Knickerbock- ers," — T please myself with the persuasion that I have struck the right chord ; that my dealings with the good ohl Dutch times, and the customs and usages derived from them, are in harmony with the feelings and humors of my townsmen ; that I have opened a vein of pleasant associations and quaint characteristics peculiar to my native place, and which its inhabitants will not willingly lufler to pass away ; and that, though other histo- ries of New York m;iy appear of higher claims tc THE AUTHOR'S APOLOGY. 2 1 learned acceptation, and may take Iheir dignified and appropriate rank in the family library, Knick- erbocker's history will still be received with good- humored indulgence, and be thumbed and chuckled over by the family fireside. W. I. SUNNYSIDE, 1848. I T was sonie time, if I recollect right, m tlie early part of the autumn of 1808, that a stranger applied for lodgings at the Independent Columbian Hotel in Mul- berry Street, of which I am landlord. He was a small, brisk-looking old gentleman, dressed in a rusty black coat, a pair of olive velvet breeches, and a small cocked hat. He had a few gray hairs plaited and clubbed behind, and his beard seemed to be of some eight-and-forty hours' growth. The only, piece of finery which he bore about him was a bright pair of square silver shoe-buckles ; and all his baggage was contained in a pair of saddle-bags, which he carried under his arm. His whole ap- pearance was something out of the common run ; and my wife, who is a very shrewd body, at once set him down for some eminent country school- master. As the Independent Columbian Hotel is a very small house, I was a little puzzled at first where to put him ; but my wife, who seemed taken with his looks, would needs put him in her best chamber, which is genteelly set oflf with the profiles of the whole family, done in black, by those two great painters, Jarvis and Wood ; and commands a very pleasant view of the new grounds on the Collect, togijther with the rear of the Poor-House and Bride 24 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. well, and a full front of the Hospital ; so that it is the cheerfullest room in the whole house. During the whole time that he stayed with us, we found him a very worthy good sort of an old g(M\tleman, though a little queer in his ways. He would keep in his room for days together, and if any of the children cried, or made a noise about his door, he would bounce out in a great passion, with his hands full of papei'S, and say something about " deranging his ideas " ; which made my wife believe sometimes that he was not altogether compos. Indeed, there was more than one reason to make her think so, for his room Avas always covered with scraps of paper and old mouldy books, laying about at sixes and sevens, which he would never let any- body touch ; for he said he had laid them all away in their proper places, so that he might know where to find them ; though, for that matter, he was half his time worrying about the house in search of some book or writing which he had carefully put out of the way. I shall never forget what a pother he once made, because my wife cleaned out his room when his back Avas turned, and put every- thing to rights ; for he swore he would never be able to get his j^apers in order again in a twelve- month. Upon this, my wife ventured to ask him what he did with so many books and papei's ; and he told her that he was " seeking for immortal- ity " ; which made her think more than ever that the poor old gentleman's head was a little cracked. He was a very incjuisitive body, and when not in his room, was continually poking about town, hearing all the news, and prying into everything that was going on : this was particularly the case about election time, when he did notliing but bus- tle about from poll to poll, attending all ward ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 2^ meetings, and committee rooms ; though I could never find that he took part with either side of the question. On the contrary, he would come home and rail at both parties Avith great wrath, — and plainly proved one day, to the satisfaction of ray wife and three old la'dies who were drinking lea with her, that the two parties were like two rogues, each tugging at a skirt of the nation ; and that in the end they would tear the very coat off its back, and expose its nakedness. Indeed, he was an oracle among the neighbors, who would collect around him to hear him talk of an afternoon, as he smoked his pipe on the bench before the door ; and I really believe he would have brought over the whole neighborhood to his own side of the ques- tion, if they could ever have found out Avhat it was. He was very much given to argue, or, as he called it, pliilosopldze^ about the most trifling mat- ter ; and to do him justice, I never knew anybody that was a match for him, except it was a grave- looking old gentleman who called now and then to see him, and often posed him in an argument. But this is nothing surprising, as I have since found out this stranger is the city librarian ; who, of course, must be a man of great learning : and I have my doubts if he had not some hand in the following history. As oiu* lodn^er had been a lonjj time with us, and we had never received any pay, my wife began to be BomcAvhat uneasy, and curious to find out who and what he was. She accordingly made bold to put the question to his friend, the librarian, who replied in his dry way that he was one of the literati, which she supposed to mean some new party in politics I scorn to push a lodger for his pay ; so I let day after day pass on without dunning the old gentleman 26 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. for a farthing : but my wife, who always takes these matters on herself, and is, as I said, a shrewd kind of a woman, at last got out of patience, and hinted that she thought it high time " some people should have a sight of some people's money." To which the old gentleman replied, in a mighty touchy manner, that she need not make hereelf uneasy, for that he had a treasure there, (pointing to his saddle- bags,) worth her whole house put together. This was the only answer we could ever get from him ; and as my wife, by some of those odd ways in which women find out everything, learnt that he was of very great connections, being related to the Knick- erbockers of Scaghtikoke, and cousin-german to the congressman of tliat name, she did not like to treat him uncivilly. What is more, she even offered, merely by way of making things easy, to let him live scot-free, if he would teach the children their letters ; and to try her best and get her neighbors to send their children also : but the old gentleman took it in Buch dudgeon, and seemed so affronted at being taken for a schoolmaster, that she never dared to speak on the subject again. About two months ago, he went out of a morn- ing, with a bundle in his hand, and has never been heard of since. All kinds of inquiries were made after him, but in vain. I wrote to his relations at Scaghtikoke, but they sent for answer, that he had not been there since the year before last, when he had a great dispute with the congressman about poli- tics, and left the place in a huff, and they had neither heard nor seen anvthino; of him from that time to this. I must own I felt very mucli worried about the poor old gentleman, for I thought something bad must have happened to him, tliat he should be miss- ing so long, and never return to pay his bill. I there* ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 27 fore advertised him in the newspapers, and though my melancholy advertisement was published by sev- eral humane printers, yet I have never been able tc learn anything satisfactory about him. My wife now said it was high time to take care of ourselves, and see if he had left anything be- hind in his room, that would pay us for his board and lodging. We found nothing, however, but some old books and musty writings, and his saddle-bags ; which, being opened in the presence of the libra- rian, contained only a few articles of worn - out clothes, and a large bundle of blotted paper. On looking over this, the librarian told us he had no doubt it was the treasure which the old gentleman had spoken about ; as it proved to be a most excel- lent and faithful History of New York, which he advised us by all means to publish, assuring us that it would be so eagerly bought up by a dis- cerning public, that he had no doubt it would be enough to pay our arrears ten times over. Upon this we got a very learned schoolmaster, who teaches our children, to prepare it for the press, which he accordingly has done ; and has, moreover, added to it a number of valuable notes of his own. This, therefore, is a true statement of my reasons for having this work printed, without waiting for the consent of the author ; and I here declare, that, if he ever returns, (though I much fear some unhappy accident has befallen him,) I stand ready to ac- count with him like a true and honest man. Which K all at present, From the public's humble servant, Seth Handaside. Indepandent Columbian Hotel, New York. The foregoing account of the author was pre- 28 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. fixed to the first edition of this work. Sliortlj after its publication, a letter was received from him, by Mr. Handaside, dated at a small Dutch vil- lage on the banks of the Hudson, whither he had travelled for the purpose of inspecting certain an- cient records. As this was one of those few and happy villages into which newspapers never find their way, it is not a matter of surprise that INIr. Knickerbocker should never have seen the numerous advertisements that were made concerning him, and that he should learn of the publication of his his- tory by mere accident. He expressed much concern at its premature ap- pearance, as thereby he was prevented from mak- ing several important corrections and alterations, as well as from profiting by many curious hints which he had collected durins: his travels along the shores of the Tappan Sea, and his sojourn at Haver- straw and Esopus. Finding that there was no longer any immediate necessity for his return to New York, he extended his journey up to the residence of his relations at Scaghtikoke. On his way thither he stopped for some days at Albany, for which city he is known to have entertained a great partiality. He found it, however, considerably altered, and was much con- cerned at the inroads and improvements which the Yankees were making, and the consequent decline of the good old Dutch mannei's. Indeed, he was informed that these intruders were making sad in- novations in all parts of the State ; where they had given great trouble and vexation to the regular Dutch settlei's by the introduction of turnpike-gates, and country schoolhouses. It is said, also, that Mr. Knickerbocker shook his head sorrowfully at notic- ing the gradual decay of the great Vander Heyden ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 29 palace but was liiglily indignant at finding that ..he an. lent Dutch church, which stood in the middle oi the street, had been pulled down since his last visit. The flmie of INIr. Knickerbocker's history having reached even to Albany, he received much flattering attention from its Avorthy burghers, some of whom, however, pointed out two or three very great er- ror;! he had fallen into, particularly that of suspend- ing a lump of sugar over the Albany tea-tables, whii h, they assured him, had been discontinued for some years past. Several families, moreover, were 6ome»vhat piqued that their ancestors had not been mentioned in his work, and showed great jealousy of thi ir neiirhbors Avho had thus been distino-uished : while the latter, it must be confessed, plumed them- selves vastly thereupon ; considering these recordings in the light of letters-patent of nobility, establish- ing then' claims to ancestry, — which, in this re- publican country, is a matter of no little solicitude and vainglory. It is also said, that he enjoyed high favor and countenance from the governor, who once asked him to dinner, and was seen two or three times to shake hands wath him, when they met in the streets ; Avliich certainly was going great lengths, considering that ihey differed in politics. Indeed, certain of the gov- ernor's confidential fHends, to whom he could venture to speak his mind freely on such matters, have assured us, that he privately entertained a considerable good will for our author, — nay, he even once went so far as to declare, and that openly too, and at his own table, just after dinner, that " Knickerbocker was a very well-meaning sort of an old gentleman, and no fool." From all which many have been led to sup- post, tliat, had our author been of different politics 30 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. and wntten for the newspapers instead of wasting his talents on histories, he might have risen to some post of honor and profit, — peradventm:"e, to be a notary - public, or even a justice in the ten -pound court. Beside the honors and civilities already mentioned, he was much caressed by the literati of Albany ; particularly by Mr. John Cook, who entertained him very hospitably at his circulating library and reading- room, where they used to drink Spa water, and talk about the ancients. He found Mr. Cook a man after his own heart, — of great literary researcli, and a curious collector of books. At parting, the latter, in testimony of friendship, made him a present of the two oldest works in his collection ; which were the earliest edition of the Heidelberg Catechism, and Adrian Vander Donck's famous account of the New Netherlands : by the last of which, Mr. Knicker- bocker profited greatly in his second edition. Having passed some time very agreeably at Al- bany, our author proceeded to Scaghtikoke, where, it is but justice to say, he was received with open arms, and treated with wonderful loving-kindness. He was much looked up to by the family, being the first historian of the name ; and was considered al- most as great a man as his cousin the congressman, — with whom, by the by, he became perfectly recon- f'iled, and contracted a strong friendship. In spite, however, of the kindness of his relations and their great attention to his comforts, the old jrentloman soon became restless and discontented. His history being })ublished, he had no longer any business to occui)y his thoughts, oi any scheme to excite his hopes and anticipations. This, to a busy ■ mind like his, was a truly deplorable situation ; and. had he not been a man of inflexible morals and rci: r ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 31 alar habits, there would have been great danger of his takirig to poUtics, or drinking, — both which per- nicious vices we daily see men driven to by mere spleen and idleness. It is true, he sometimes employed himself in pre- paring a second edition of his history, wherein he en- deavored to correct and improve many passages with which he was dissatisfied, and to rectify some mis- takes that had crept inf ; it ; for he was particularly anxious that his work Ly.ould be noted for its authen- ticity ; which, indeed, is the very life and soul of history. But the glow of composition had departed, — he had to leave many places untouched, Avhich he would fain have altered ; and even where he did make alterations, he seemed always in doubt whether they were for the better or the worse. After a residence of some time at Scaghtikoke, he began to teel a strong desire to return to New York, which he ever regarded with the Avarmest affection ; not merely because it was his native city, but because he really considered it the very best city in the whole world. On his return, he entered into the full en- joyment of the advantages of a literary reputation. He was continually importuned to write advertise- ments, petitions, handbills, and productions of simi- lar import ; and, although he never meddled with the public papers, yet had he the credit of writing innumerable essays, and smart things, that appeared on all subjects, and all sides of the question ; in all which he was clearly detected " by his style." He contracted, moreover, a considerable debt at the post-oflice, in consequence of the numerous let- ters he received from authors and printers soliciting his subscription, and he Avas applied to by every charitable society for yearly donations, which he gave very cheerfully, considering these applications' 32 ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. as so many compliments. He was once invited to a great corporation dinner ; and was even tvAce sinnnioned to attend as a juryman at the court of quarter sessions. Indeed, so renowned did he be- come, that he could no longer pry about, as formerly, in all holes and corners of the city, according to the bent of his humor, unnoticed and uninterrupted ; but several times when he has been sauntering the streets, on his usual rambles of observation, equipped with his cane and cocked hat, the little boys at play have been known to cry, " There goes Diedrich ! " — at which the old gentleman seemed not a little pleased, looking upon these salutations in the light of the praise of posterity. In a Avord, if avc take into consideration all these various honors and distinctions, together Avith an ex- uberant eulogium passed on him in the Port Folio, — (with which, we are told, the old gentleman was so much overpowered, that he was sick for two or three days,) — it must be confessed, that few authors have ever lived to receive such illustrious rewards, or have so completely enjoyed in advance their own immor- \ ality. After his return from Scaghtikoke, ]\L\ Knicker- bocker took up his residence at a little rural retreat, which the Stuyvesants had granted him on the family domain, in gratitude for his honorable mention of I heir ancestor. It was pleasantly situated on the herd el's of one of the salt marehes beyond Corlear's Hook ; subject, indeed, to be occasionally overflowed, and much infested, in the sunnner time, with mosqui- toes ; but otherwise very agreeable, producing abun- dant crops of salt grass and bulrushes. Here, we are sorry to say, the good old gentleman fiell dangerously ill of a fever, occasioned by tho neighboring marslie?- AVlniu lie Ibund his end ap- ACCOUNT OF THE AUTHOR. 3S proaching. he disposed of his worldly affairs, leaving the bulk of his fortune to the New York Historical Society ; his Heidelberg Catechism, and Vander Donck's work to the city library ; and his saddle- bags to Mr. Handaside. He forgave all his enemies, — that is to say, all who bore any enmity towaixls him ; for as to himself, he declared he died in good will with all the world. And, after dictating sev- eral kind messages to his relations at Scaghtikoke, as well as to certain of our most substantial Dutch citizens, he expired in the arms of his friend the librarian. His remains were interred, according to his own request, in St. Mark's churchyard, close by the bones of his favorite hero, Peter Stuyvesant ; and it is rumored, that the Historical Society have it In mind to erect a wooden monument to his memory in the Bowling Green. rescue from oblivion the memory of former incidents, and to render a just tribute oi rcxio^vn to the many great and wonderful transactions of our Dutch progeni- tors, Diedrich Knickerbocker, native of the city of New York, produces this historical essay." ' Like the great Father of History, whose words I have just quoted, I treat of times long past, over which the twilight of uncertainty had al- ready thrown its shadows, and the night of for- getfulness was about to descend forever. With great solicitude had I long beheld the early his- tory of this venerable and ancient city gradually slipping from our grasp, trembling on the lips of narrative old age, and day by day dropping piece- meal into the tomb. In a Httle while, thought T, and those reverend Dutcli Durghers, who serve as the tottering monuments of good old times. wiU be gathered to their fathers ; their children, engrossed by the empty pleasures or msignificant transactions of the present age, will neglect to treasure up the recollections of the past, and pos- terity will search in vain for memorials of the days of the Patriarchs. The origin of our city will be buried in eternal oblivion, and even the 1 Beloe's Herodotus. 36 TO THE PUBLIC. names and aeliievements of Wouter Van Tvvillcr^ William Kieft, and Peter Stuyvesant, be envel- oped in doubt and fiction, like those of Romulus and Remus, of Charlemagne, King Ai'thur, Ki- naldo, and Godfrey of Bologne. Determined, therefore, to avert if possible this threatened misfortune, I industriously set myself to vvf;rk, to gather together all the fragments of our infimt history which still existed, and like my reverend prototype, Herodotus, where no writ- ten records could be found, I have endeavored to continue the chain of history by well-authenti- cated traditions. In this arduous undertaking, which has been the whole business of a long and solitary life, it is incredible the number of learned authors T have consulted ; and all but to little purpose. Strange as it may seem, though such multitudes of excellent works have been written about this country, there are none extant which gave any full and satisfactory account of the early history of New York, or of its three first Dutch govern- ors. I have, however, gained much valuable and curious matter, from an elaborate manuscript written in exceeding pure and classic Low Dutch, excepting a few errors in orthography, which was found in the archives of the Stuyvesant family. Many legends, letters, and other documents have I likewise gleaned, in my researches among the family chests and lumber-garrets of our respecta- ble Dutch citizens ; and I have gathered a host of well-authenticated traditions from divers excel- lent old ladies of my acquaintance, who requested TO THE PUBLIC. 37 ..hat (heir iicames might not be mentioned. Nor must I neglect to acknowledge how greatly I have been assisted by that admirable and pi-aise- wortliy institution, the New York Historical Society, to which I here publicly return my siii- (iere acknowledgments. In the conduct of this inestimable work I have adopted no individual model; but, on the con- trary, liave simply contented myself with combm- ing and concentrating the excellences of the most approved ancient historians. Like Xenophon, I have maintained the utmost impartiality, and the strictest adherence to truth throughout my his- tory. I have enriched it after the manner of Sallust, Avith various characters of ancient wor thies, drawn at full length, and fliithfully colored. I have seasoned it with profound political specu- lations like Thucydides, sweetened it with the graces of sentiment like Tacitus, and infused into the whole the dignity, the grandeur, and magnifi- cence of Livy. I am aware that I shall incur the censure of numerous very learned and judicious critics, for indulging too frequently in the bold excursive maimer of my favorite Herodotus. And to be candid, I have found it impossible always to re- sist the allurements of those pleasing episodes v\-hi1;h, like flowery banks and fragrant bowers, beset the dusty road of the historian, and entice him to turn aside, and refresh himself from his wayfaring. But I trust it will be found tliat 1 have always resumed my staff, and addressed myself to my weary journey with renovated spir- 88 TO TUE PUBLIC. Its, SO that both my readers and myself have been benefited by the relaxation. Indeed, though it has been my constant -wish and uniform endeavor to rival Polybius himself, in observing the i-equisite unity of history, yet the loose and unconnected manner in which many of the facts herein recorded have come to hand, rendered such an attempt extremely diffi- cult. This difficulty Avas likewise increased by one of the grand objects contemplated in my work, which was to trace the rise of sundry cus- toms and institutions in this best of cities, and to compare them, when in the germ of infancy, with what they are in the present old age of knowledge and improvement. But tlie chief merit on which I value myself, and found my hopes for futm'e regard, is tliat faithful veracity with which I have compiled this invaluable little work ; carefully winnowing away the chaff of hypothesis, and discarding the tares of fable, which are too apt to sprhig up and choke the seeds of truth and wholesome knowl- edge. Had I been anxious to captivate tlie superficial throng, who skim like swallows over the surface of literature ; or had I been anxious to commend my writings to the pampered palates of literary epicures, I might have availed myself of the obscurity that overshadows the infant years of our city, to introduce a thousand pleas- ing fictions. But I have scrupulously discarded many a pithy tale and marvellous adventure, wliereby tlie drowsy ear of summer indolence miglit be entliralled ; jealout^ly maintaining that TO THE PUBLIC. 39 fidelity, gravity, and dignity, which sliould ever distinguish the historian. '" For a writer of tliis -."hiss," observes an elegant critic, " must sustain the character of a wise man, writhig for tlie in- ?)truction of posterity ; one who has studied to inform himself well, who has pondered his sub- ject with care, and addresses himself to our judg- ment, rather than to our imagination." Thrice happy, therefore, is this our renowned city in having incidents worthy of swelling the theme of history ; and doubly thrice happy is it in having such an historian as myself to relate them. For after all, gentle reader, cities of themselves, and, in fact, empires of themselves, are nothing without an historian. It is the patient narrator who records their prosperity as they rise, — who blazons forth the splendor of their noon-tide meridian, — who props their feeble me- morials as they totter to decay, — who gathers together their scattered fragments as they rot, — and who piously, at length, collects their ashes uito the mausoleum of his work and rears a monument that will transmit their renown to all succeedhio; a":es. What has been the fate of many fliir cities of antiquity, whose nameless ruins encumber the plains of P^urope and Asia, and aAvaken the fruit- less inquiry of the traveller ? They have sunk into dust and silence, — they have perished from remembrance for want of an historian ! The philanthropist may weep over their desolation, — • ihe poet may wander among their mouldering arches and broken columns, and indulge the 40 TO THE PUBLIC. visionary flights of his fancy, — but, alas ] alas tlie modern historian, whose pen, like my own, is doomed to confine itself to dull matter-of-fact, seeks in vain among their oblivious remains for some memorial tliat may tell the instructive tale of their glory and their ruin. " AVars, conflagrations, deluges," says Ai'istotle, " destroy nations, and Avith them all their monu- ments, their discoveries, and their vanities. The torch of science has more than once been extin- guished and rekindled ; — a few individuals, who have escaped by accident, reunite the thread of generations." The same sad misfortune wliich has happened to so many ancient cities will happen again, and from the same sad cause, to nine tenths of those which now flourish on the face of the globe. With most of them the time for recording their e,arly history is gone by ; their origin, their foun- dation, together with the eventful period of their youtli, are forever buried in the rubbish of years ; and the same would have been the case with tliis fair portion of the earth, if I had not snatched it from obscurity in the very nick of time, at the moment that those matters herein I'ecorded were about entering into the wide - spread, insatiable maw of oblivion, — if 1 had not drao'i'ed tlieni out, as it were, by the very locks, just as tiie monster's adamantine fangs were closing upon tliem forever ! And here have I, as before ob- ^erved, carefully collected, collated, and arranged them, scrip and =^crap, ^^ piuit en punt, gat en gatj' Aud commenced in this little work a history, to TO TfJE PUBLIC. 41 eerve as a foundation on which other historians may liereat'ter raise a noble superstructure, swell- ing in process of time, until Knickerhocker s N^u Yoi'h may be equally voluminous with Gihhon\ Rome., or Hume and SmolleCs JEiigland ! And now indulge me for a moment, while I lay down my pen, skip to some little eminence at the distance of two or three hundred yeara ahead ; and, casting back a bird's-eye glance ovei the waste of years that is to roll between, dis- cover myself — little 1 — at this moment the progenitor, prototype, and precursor of them all, posted at the head of this host of literary wor- thies, with my book under my arm, and New York on my back, pressing forward, like a gal- lant commander, to honor and immortality. Such are the vainglorious imaginings that will now and ften enter into the brain of the author, — that irradiate, as with celestial light, his soli- tary chamber, cheering his weary spirits, and animating him to persevere in his labors. And I have freely given utterance to these rhapsodies whenever they have occiu'red ; not, I trust, from an unusual spirit of egotism, but merely that the reader may for once have an idea how an author thinks and feels wliile he is writing, — a kind of knowledge very rai-e and curious, and much to 1k' desired. ^^^ BOOK I. CONTAINING DIVERS INGENIOUS THEORIES AND PHILO- SOPniC SPECULATIONS, CONCERNING T[IE CREATION- AND POPULATION OF THE AVORLD, Ai CONNECTED WITH TUE HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER I. DESCRIPTION OF THE "WORLD. ^^CCORDING to the best authorities, ^^^^ the world in which we dwell is a huge, '^^^^ opaque, reflecting, maniraate mass, float- ing in the vast ethereal ocean of infinite space. It has the form of an orange, being an oblate spheroid, curiously flattened at opposite parts, for the insertion of two imaginary poles, which are supposed to penetrate and unite at the centre thus forming an axis on which the mighty orange turns with a regular diurnal revolution. The transitions of light and darkness, whence proceed the alternations of day and night, are produced by this diurnal revolution successively 44 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. prescnthig the diiferent parts of the earth to the rays of the sun. The latter is, according to the best, that is to say, the latest accounts, a lumi- nous or fiery body, of a prodigious magnitude, i'rom wliich this world is driven by a centrifugal 01- repelling power, and to which it is drawn by a centripetal or attractive force ; otherwise called (lie attraction of gravitation; tlie combination, or i-athcr the counteraction of these two opposing iuijjul.ses producing a circular and annual revolu- tion. Hence result the different seasons of the year, viz : spring, summer, autumn, and winter. This I believe to be the most approved mod- ern theory on ^the subject, — though there be many philosophers who have entertained very different opinions ; some, too, of them entitled to mucli deference from their great antiquity and illustrious character. Thus it was advanced by some of the ancient sages, that the earth was ar extended plain, supported by vast pillars ; and by others, that it rested on tlie head of a snake, or tlie back of a huge tortoise ; — but as they did not provide a resting-place for either the pillars or the tortoise, the whole theory fell to the ground, for want of proper foundation. The Bralnnins assert, that the heavens rest upon the earth, and the siui and moon swim tlierein like fishes hi the water, moving from east to west by day, and gliding along the edge of tlie horizon to their oi'iginal stations during night ; ^ while, according to the Pauranicas of India, it is a vast phiin, encircled by seven ocea^is 1 Faria y Soiiza. ^licU. kis. note b. 7. i HISTORY OF NEW 1 -)RK. 45 of milk, nectar, and other delicious liquids ; that it is studded with seven mountains, and orna- mented in the centre by a mountahious rock of burnished gold ; and that a great dragon occa- sionally swallows up the moon, which accounts for the phenomena of lunar eclipses.^ Beside these, and many other equally sage opinions, we have the profound conjectures of Aboul-IIassan-Aly, son of Al Khan, son of Aly, son of Abderrahman, son of Abdallah, son of Masoud-el-Hadheli wlio is commonly called Masoudi, and surnamed Cothbiddin, but who takes the humble title of Laheb-ar-rasoul, which means the companion of the ambassador of God. He has written a universal history, entitled " Mou- roudge-ed-dharab, or the Golden Meadows, and the Mines of Precious Stones."^ In this valua- ble work he has related the history of the world from the creation down to the moment of writ- ing ; which was under the Khaliphat of Mothi Billah, in the month Dgioumadi-el-aoual of the 336th year of the Hegira or flight of the Propli- et. He informs us that the earth is a huge bird, Mecca and Medina constituting the head, Persia and India the right wing, the land of Gog the left ^^'ing, and Africa the tail. He informs us, moreover, that an earth has existed before the present (which he considers as a mere chif^keu of 7000 years), that it has undergone divers del- uges, and that, according to the opinion of some well-informed Brahinms of his acquaintance, it ^ Sir W. Jones, Diss. Antiq. Ind. Zod. 2 MSS. Bibliot. Roi Fr. 16 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. will be renovated every seventy thousandth haz* arouam ; each hazarouam consisting of 12,000 years. These are a few of the many contradictory opinions of philosophers concerning the earth, and we find that the learned have had equal perplexity as to the nature of the sun. Some of the ancient philosophers have affirmed that it is a vast wheel of brilliant fire ; ^ others, that it is merely a mu-ror or sphere of transparent crystal ; ^ and a third class, at the head of whom stands Ajiaxagoras, maintained that it was noth- ing but a huge ignited mass of iron or stone, — indeed, he declared the heavens to be merely a vault of stone, — and that the stars were stones whirled upward from the earth, and set on fire by the velocity of its revolutions.^ But I give little attention to the doctrines of this philos- opher, the people of Athens having fully refuted them, by banishing him from their city : a concise mode of answering unwelcome doctrmes, much resorted to in former days. Another sect of phi- losophers do declare, that certain fiery particles exhale constantly from the earth, which, concen- trating in a single point of the firmament by day, constitute the sun, but being scattered and ram- bliu": about in the dark at niorht, collect in vari- ous points, and form stars. These are regularly !)urnt out and extinguished, not unlike to the 1 Plutanh de placitis Pliilosoph. lib. ii. cap. 20. 2 Achill. Tat. isa-,^ cap. 19. Ap. Petav. t. iii. p. 81. Stob. Kclog. riiys. lib. i. p. 50. Pint, de Plac. Phi. 8 I)iogeiK's LnL'itiii.s in Anaxut;. 1. ii. sec. 8. Plat. Apol. t . p. 26. riiit. de Plac. l'])ilo. Xeiiopli. Mem. 1. iv. p. 815. HISTORY OF NEW YOEK, 47 lamps in our streets, and require a fresh supply of exhalations for the next occasion.^ It is even recorded, that at certain remote and obscure periods, in consequence of a great scar- city of fuel, the sun has been completely burnt out, and sometimes not rekindled for a month at a time. A most melancholy circumstance, the very idea of which gave vast concern to Heracli- tus, that worthy weeping philosopher of antiquity. In addition to these various speculations, it was the opinion of Herschel, that the sun is a mag- nificent, habitable abode ; the light it furnishes arising from certain empyreal, luminous or phos- phoric clouds, swimming in its transparent at- mosphere.^ But we will not enter farther at present into the nature of the sun, that being an inquiry not immediately necessary to the development of this history ; neitlier Avill we embroil ourselves in any more of the endless disputes of philosophers touching the form of this globe, but content our- selves with the theory advanced in the begin- ning of this chapter, and will proceed to illus- trate, by experiment, the complexity of motion therein ascribed to this our rotatory planet. Professor Von Poddingcoft (or Puddinghead, as the name may be rendered into English) was long celebrated in the university of Ley den, for profound gi'avity of deportment, and a talent at going to sleep in the midst of exami- 1 Aristot. Meteor. 1. ii. c. 2. Idem. Probl. sec. 15, Stob. Eel. Phys. 1. i. p. 55. Bruck. Hist. Phil. t. i. p. 1154, &c. 2' Philos. Trans. 1795, p. 72. Idem. 1801, p. 265. Nich. Philos. Jouin. I. p. 13. 48 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. nations, to the infinite relief of his hopeful stu- dents, who thereby worked their way through college with great ease and little study. In the course of one of his lectures, the learned pro- fessor, seizing a bucket of water, swung it around his head at arm's length. The impulse with which he threw the vessel from him, beinof a centrifugal force, the retention of his arm oper- ating as a centripetal power, and the bucket, which was a substitute for tlie earth, describing a circular orbit round about the globular head and ruby \'isage of Professor Von Poddingcoft, which formed no bad representation of the sun. All of these particulars were duly explained to the class of gaping students around him. He apprised them, moreover, that the same principle of gravitation, which retained the water in the bucket, restrains the ocean from flying from the earth in its rapid revolutions ; and he farther informed them that should the motion of the earth be suddenly checked, it would inconti- nently fall into the sun, through the centripetal force of gravitation, — a most ruinous event to this planet, and one which Avould also obscure, tliough it most probably would not extinguish, the solar lumhiary. Aii unlucky stripling, one of tliose vagrant geniuses, who seem sent into the world merely to annoy worthy men of the puddinghead order, desirous of ascertaining the correctness of the experiment, suddenly arrested the arm of the professor, just at the moment that the bucket was in its zenith, which im- mediately descended vnih. astonishing precision HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 49 upon the philosophic head of the instructor of Youih. A hollow sound, and a red-hot hiss, atttinded the contact ; but the th^ry was in ihe amplest maimer illustrated, for the unfortu- nate tucket perished in the conflict ; but the blazins; countenance of Professor Von Poddino;- ooft eniorged from amidst the waters, glowing tiercer tban ever with unutterable indignation, wheieby lue students were marvellously edified, and departed considerably wiser than before. It in a mortifying circumsttmce, which greatly perplexes many a painstaking philosopher, that nature oi'ten reiuses to second his most profound ai.id elaboiHie efforts ; so that after having in- vented one oi the most ui2;enious and natural theories iiiiaginable, she will have the perverse- uess to act dii-ecily in the teeth of his system, and flatly contradict Ins most favorite positions. This is a manifest and unmerited grievance, smce it throws the censure of the vulgar and im- learned entirely upon the philosopher ; whereas the fault is not to be ascribed k) his theory, which is unquestionably correct, but to the wayward- ness of dame nature, who, with the proverbial fickleness of her sex, is continually indulging in coquetries and caprices, and seems really to take pleasure in violating all philosopliic rules, and jilting the most learned and indefatigable of her adorers. Thus it happened with respect to the foregoing satisfactory explanation of the motion of our planet ; it appears that the centrifugal force has long since ceased to operate, while its antagonist remains hi undiminished potency ; the 50 HISTORY OF NEW YORK world, therefore, according to the theory as if oi*igiiiallj stood, ouglit in strict propriety to tum- ble into the sun ; philosophers were convinced that it would do so, and awaited in jinxious impatience the fulfilment of their prognostics. But (he untoward planet pertinaciously contin- ued her course, notwithstanding that she had reason, philosophy, and a whole university of learned professors opposed to her conduct. The philosophers took this in very ill part, and it is thought they would never have pardoned the slight and affront which they conceived put upon them by the world, had not a good - na- tured professor kindly officiated as a mediator between the parties, and effected a reconcilia- tion. Finding the world would not accommodate itself to the theory, he wisely determined to accommodate the theory to the world ; he there- fore uiformed his brother philosophers, that tlio circular motion of the earth round the sun was no sooner engendered by the conflicting impulses above described, than it became a regular revo- lution, independent of the causes which gave it origin. His learned brethren readily joined in llie opinion, being heartily glad of any explana- tion that would decently extricate them from their i-mbarrassment ; and ever since that memora- ble era the world has been left to take her own course, and to revolve around the sun in such orbit as she thinks proper. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 51 CHAPTER II. •OSMOaONT, OR CREATION OF THE WORLD ; WITH A MDLTITODE Of ESCKLLENT THEORIES, BY WHICH THE CREATION OF A WORLD IS SHOWN TO BE NO SUCH DIFFICULT MATTER AS COMMON FOLK WOULD DIAGIXE. ^'JifAVING thus briefly introduced my j^ reader to the world, and given him ^^ some idea of its form and situation, he will naturally be curious to know from whence it came, and how it was created. And, indeed, the clearing up of these points is abso- lutely essential to my history, inasmuch as if this world had not been formed, it is more than probable that this renowned island, on which is situated the city of New York, would never have had an existence. The regular course of my history, therefore, requires that I should proceed to notice the cosmogony or formation of this our globe. And now I give my readers fair warning that I am about to plunge, for a chapter or two, into as complete a labyrinth as ever historian was perplexed withal ; therefore, I advise them lo take fast hold of my skirts, and keep close -\t my heel?, venturing neither to the right hand nor to the left, lest they get bemired in a slough ol' unintelliirible learning:, or have their 52 HISTORY OF NEW YORK brains knocked out by some of those liard Greek names which will be flying about in all direc- tions. But should any of them be too indolent or chicken-hearted to accompany me in this perilous undertaking, they had better take a slAort cut roinid, and wait for me at the begin- nhig of some smoother chapter. Of the creation of the world, we have a thou- Band contradictory accounts ; and though a very isatisfactory one is furnished us by divine revela- lion, vet every philosopher feels himself in honor bound to furnish us with a better. As an im- partial fiistorian I consider it my duty to notice their Several theories, by which mankind have been so exceedingly edified and instructed. Thus It was the opinion of certain ancient sages, that the earth and the whole system of the universe was the Deity himself;-^ a doctrine most strenuously maintained by Zenophanes and tlie whole tribe of Eleatics, as also by Strabo and thv) sect of peripatetic philosophers. Pythag- oras likewise inculcated the famous immerical system of the monad, dyad, and triad, and by means vyf his sacred quaternary elucidated the formatio>i of the world, the arcana of nature, and tlie principles both of music and morals.- Other sages adhered to the mathematical system of squares and triangles ; the cube, the pyramid, ind the sphere ; the tetrahedron, the octahedron, 1 Aristot ap. Cic. lib. i. cap. 3. 2 Aristot. Metapli. lib. i. c. 5. Idem, de Coelo. 1. iii. o. 1. Uoiisseau .Mem. sur .Musi ^ le ancieii. p. 39. Plutarch de Tlac I'hilos. lih. i. cap. 3. HISTORY OF S^EW YORK. 53 the icosiihedron, and the dodecahedron.' While others advocated the great elementary theory which refers the construction of our globe ano r11 that it contauis to the combinations of four material elements : air, earth, fire, and water with the assistance of a fifth, an immaterial and vivifying principle. Nor must I omit to mention the great atomic system taught by old Moschus, before the siege "v^ of Troy ; revived by Democritus of laughing memory ; improved by Epicurus, that king of good fellows, and modernized by the fanciful Descartes. But I decline inquiring whether the atoms, of which the earth is said to be composed, are eternal or recent ; whether they are animate or inanimate ; whether, agreeably to the opinioxi of the atheists, they were fortuitously aggregateo , or, as the theists maintain, were arranged by a supreme mtelligence.^ Whether, in fact, the earth be an insensate clod, or whether it be ani- mated by a soul ; ^ which opinion was stren- uously maintained by a host of philosophers, at the head of whom stands the great Plato, that temperate sage, who threw the cold water of phi- losophy on the form of sexual intercourse, and inculcated the doctrine of Platonic love, — an exquisitely refined intercourse, but much better adapted to the ideal inhabitants of his imaginary 1 Tim. Locr. ap. Plato, t. iii. p. 90. 2 Aristot. Nat. Auscult. 1. ii. cap. 6. Aristoph. Metaph. lib. \. cap. 3. Cic. de Nat. Deor. lib. i. cap. 10. Justin Mart. orat. ad gent. p. 20. 8 Mosheim in Cudw. lib. i. cap. 4. Tim. de anim mund. >p. Plat. lib. iii. Mem. de I'Acad. der Belles-Lettr. t. xxxii. 0. 19, et al. 54 HISTORY OI' NEW YORK. island of Atlantis than to the sturdy race, com- posed of rebellious flesh and blood, which popu- lates the little matter-of-fact island we inhabit. Beside these systems, we have, moreover, the poetical theogony of old Hesiod, who generated the whole universe in the regular mode of pro- creation, and tlie plausible opinion of others, thai the earth was hatched from the great egg oi' night, which floated in chaos, and was cracked by the horns of the celestial bull. To illustrate this last doctrine, Burnet, in his theory of the earth,^ has favored us with an accurate drawing and description, both of the form and texture of tliis mundane q^^ ; which is found to bear a marvel- lous resemblance to that of a goose. Such of my readers as take a proper interest in the origin of this our planet, will be pleased to learn that the most profound sages of antiquity among the Egyptians, Chaldeans, Persians, Greeks, and Lat- ins, have alternately assisted at the hatching of this strange bird, and that their cacklings have been caught, and continued in different tones and inflections, from philosopher to philosopher, unto the present dsiy. But Avhile briefly noticing long celebrated sys- tems of ancient sages, let me not pass over with neglect those of other philosophers ; which, though less universal and renowned, have equal claims to attention, and equal chance for correct- aess. Thus, it is recorded by the Brahmins, m the pages of their mspired Shastah, that the angel Bistiioo transforming himself into a gi*eat 1 Book i. ch. 5. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 55 boar, pluiij^ed into the watery abyss, and brought up the earth on his tusks. Then issued from him a mighty tortoise, and a mighty snake ; and Bistnoo placed the snake erect upon the back of the tortoise, and he placed the earth upon the iiead of the snake.^ The negro philosophers of Congo affirm that (ho world was made by the hands of angels, ex- cepting their own country, which the Supreme Being constructed himself, that it might be su- premely excellent. And he took great pains with the inhabitants, and made them very black, and beautiful ; and when he had finished the first man, he was well pleased with him, and smoothed him over the face, and hence his nose, and the nose of all his descendants, became flat. The Mohawk philosophers tell us that a preg- nant woman fell down from heaven, and that a tortoise took her upon its back, because every place was covered with water ; and that the woman, sitting upon the tortoise, paddled with her hands in the water, and raked up the earth, whence it finally happened that the earth became hio;her than the water.^ But I forbear to quote a number more of these ancient and outlandish philosophers, whose deplorable ignorance, in despite of all their erudi- tion, compelled them to write in languages which but few of my readers- can understand ; and I shall proceed briefly to notice a few more intel- ^ Hohvell. Gent. Philosophy. 2 Johannes Megapolensis, Jun. Account of Maquaas Oi Mohawk Indians, 56 HISTORY JF NEW YORK. ligible and fashionable theories of their raoderc successors. And, first, I shall mention the great Biiffon, who conjectures that this globe was originally a globe of liquid fire, scintillated from the body of the sun, by the percussion of a comet, as a spark is generated by the collision of flint and steel. That at first it was surrounded by gross vapors, which, cooling and condensing in process of time, constituted, according to their densities, earth, water, and air ; whicli gradually arranged them- selves, according to their respective gravities, round the burning or vitrified mass that formed their centre. Hutton, on the contrary, supposes that the waters at first were universally paramount ; and he terrifies himself with the idea that the earth must be eventually washed away by the force of rain, rivers, and mountain torrents, until it is confounded with the ocean, or, in other words absolutely dissolves into itself. vSublime idea ! far surpassing that of the tender-hearted damsel of antiquity, who wept herself into a fountain ; or the good dame of Narbomie in France, who, for a volubility of tongue unusual in her sex, was doomed to peel five hundred thousand and thirty-nine ropes of onions, and actually run out at lier eye^ before half the hideous task was accomplished. Whiston, the same ingenious philosopher who rivalled Ditton in his researches after tlie longi- tude (for which the mischief-loving Swift dis- charged on their heads a most savory stanza). HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 57 has distinguished himself by a very admirable theory respecting the earth. He conjectures that it was originally a chaotic comet, which being selected for the abode of man, was removed from its eccentric orbit, and whirled round the sun in its present regular motion ; by which eliange of du'ection, order succeeded to confusion in the aiTangement of its component parts. The phi- losopher adds, that the deluge was produced by an uncourteous salute from the watery tail of another comet ; doubtless through sheer envy of its improved condition ; thus furnishing a mel- ancholy proof that jealousy may prevail, even among the heavenly bodies, and discord interrupt that celestial harmony of the spheres, so melodi- ously sung by the poets. But 1 pass over a variety of excellent theories, among which are those of Burnet, and Wood- ward, and Whitehurst ; regretting extremely that my time will not suffer me to give them the notice they deserve, — and shall conclude with that of the renowned Dr. Darwin. This learned Theban, who is as much distinguished for rhyme as reason, and for good-natured credu- lity as serious research, and who has recom- mended himself wonderfully to the good graces of tlie ladies, by letting them into all the gal- lantries, amours, debaucheries, and other topics of scandal of the court of Flora, has fallen upon a theory worthy of his combustible imagination. According to his opinion, the huge mass of chaos took a sudden occasion to explode, like a barrel ")f gunpowdar, and in that act exploded the sun, 58 HISTORY OF MhW YORK. — which in its flight, by a similar convulsion exploded the earth, which in like guise exploded the moon, — and thus by a concatenation of ex- plosions, the whole solar system was produced, aiid set most systematically in motion ! ^ By the great variety of theories here alluded to, every one of which, if thoroughly examined, will be found surprisingly consistent in all its parts, my unlearned readers will perhaps be led to conclude, that the creation of a world is not BO difficult a task as they at first imagined. I have shown at least a score of ingenious methods in which a world could be constructed ; and I have no doubt, that, had any of the philosophers above quoted the use of a good manageable comet, and the philosophical warehouse chaos at his command, he would en^-aofe to manufacture a planet as good, or, if you would take liis word for it, better than this we inhabit. And here I cannot help noticing the kmdness of Providence, in creating comets for the great relief of bewildered philosophers. By their as- sistance more sudden evolutions and transitions are effected in the system of nature than are WTOuglit in a pantomimic exhibition by the won- dei'-working sword of Harlequin. Should one of our modern sages, in his theoretical flights among the stars, ever find himself lost in the clouds, and hi danger of tumbling into the abyss of nonsense and absurdity, he has but to seize a comet by the beard, mount astride of his tail, and away lie gallops in triumph, like an en* 1 Darw. Bot. Garden, Part I. Cant. i. 1. 105. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 59 chanter on his hyppogriff, or a Connecticut witch on her broomstick, " to sweep the cobwebs out of tlie sky." It is an old and vulgar saying about h " beg gar on horseback," which I would not for tli(i world have applied to these reverend philoso- phers ; but I must confess that some of them, when they are mounted on one of those fiery steeds, are as wild in their curvetings as was Phaeton of yore, when he aspired to manage the chariot of Phoebus, One drives his comet at full speed against the sun, and knocks the world out of him Avith the mighty concussion ; another, more moderate, makes his comet a kind of beast of burden, carrying the sun a regular supply of food and fagots ; a third, of more combustible disposition, threatens to throw his comet, like a bomb-shell, into the world, and blow it up like a powder-magazine ; while a fourth, with no great delicacy to this planet and its iiiliabitants, insinuates that some day or other his comet — my modest pen blushes while I write it — shall absolutely turn tail upon our world, and deluge it with water ! Siu'ely, as I have already observed, comets were bountifully provided by Providence for the benefit of philos- ophers, to assist them in manufacturmg theories. And now, having adduced several of the most prominent theories that occur to my recollection, I. leave my judicious readers at lull liberty to choose among them. They are all serious spec ulations of learned men, — all differ essentially from each other, — and all have the same title to 60 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. belief. It has ever been the task of one race of philosophers to demolish the works of their pre- decessors, and elevate more splendid fantasies in their stead, Avhich in their turn are demolished and replaced by the air-castles of a succeeding g(;neration. Thus it would seem that knowledge and genius, of which we make such great parade, consist but in detectmg the errors and absurdities of those who have gone before, and devising new errors and absurdities, to be detected by those who are to come after us. Theories are the mighty soap-bubbles with which the grown - up children of science amuse themselves, — while the honest vulgar stand gazing in stupid admi- ration, and dignify these learned vagaries with the name of wisdom ! Surely, Socrates was right in his opinion, that philosophers are but a soberer sort of madmen, busying themselves in things totally incomprehensible, or which, if they coidd be comprehended, would be found not worthy the trouble of discovery. For my own part, until the learned have come to an aOTcement anion": themselves, I shall con- tent myself with the account handed down to us by Moses ; in which I do but follow the example of our ino'cnious neiirhbors of Connecticut ; who at their first settlement proclaimed, that the col- ony should be governed by the laws of God — until tliey had time to make better. One thing, however, appears certain, — froii' the unanimous authority of the before-quoted philosophers, supported by the evidence of oui Dwn senses, (which, though very apt to deceive I niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 61 US, may be cautiously admitted as additional tes- timony,) — it appears, I say, and I make the asser- tion deliberately, without fear of contradiction, that this globe really was created^ and that it is composed of land and loater. It farther appears that it is curiously divided and parcelled out into continents and islands, among which I boldly declare the renowned Island of New York will be found b}' any one who seeks lor it in ite proper place. 62 HISTORY OF NFAV YORK CHAPTER m. BOW THAT FAMOUS NAVIGATOR, NOAU, WAS SHAMEFULLY NICENAMRO AJTD HOW HE COMMITTED AX UNPARDONABLE OVERSIGHT IX N01 HAVING FOUR SONS; WITH THE GREAT TROUBLE OF PHILOSOPHERS CAUSED THEREBY, AND THE DISCOVERY OF AMERICA. >^|)^OAH, who is the first seafaring man we vii read of, begat three sons : Sheni, Ham, ^ and Japhet. Authors, it is true, are not wanting, who atiirm that the patriarch had a number of other children. Thus, Berosus makes him father of the gigantic Titans ; Methodius gives him a son called Jonithus, or Jonicus ; and others have mentioned a son, named Thu- iscon, from whom descended the Teutons or., Teutonic, or in other wqrds, the Dutch nation. I regret exceedingly that the nature of my plan will not permit me to gratify the laudable curiosity of my readers, by investigating mi- nutely the history of the great Noah. Indeed, such an undertaking woidd be attended with more trouble than many people Avould imagine , for the good old patriarch seems to have been a great traveller in his day, and to have passed under a different name in every country that he visited. The Chaldeans, for histance, give u£< his story, merely altering his name into Xisu- ^hrus, — a trivial alteration, which, to an bisto HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 63 rian, sldlled in etymologies, will appear wholly uiiimportuiit. It appears, likewise, that he had exchanged his tarpaulin and quadrant among the Chaldeans for the gorgeous insignia of royalty, and appears as a monarch in their amials. The Egyptians- celebrate him under the name of Osiris ; the Indians as Menu ; the Greek and Roman writers confound him with Ogyges, and the Theban with Deucalion and Saturn. But the Chhiese, who deservedly rtmk among the most extensive and authentic historians, inas- much as they have known the world much lon- ger than any one else, declare that Noah was no other than Fohi ; and what gives this assertion some air of credibility is, that it is a fact, admit- ted by the most enlightened literati, that Noah travelled into China, at the time of the building of the tower of Babel (probaljly to improve him- self in the study of languages), and the learned Dr. Shackford gives us the additional information, that the ark rested on a mountain on the frontiei"3 of China. From this mass of rational conjectures and sage hypotheses, many satisfactory deductions might be drawn ; but I shall content myself with the simple fact stated in the Bible, viz : that Noah begat three sons, Shem, Ham, and Japhet, It is astonishing on wliat remote and obscure con- tingencies the great affairs of this world depend, and how events the most distant, and to the jcom- mon observer unconnected, are inevitably conse- quent the one to tlie other. It remains to the philosopher to discover tliese mysterious affinities. 64 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. and it is the proudest triumph of his skill, to detect and drag forth some latent chain of causa- tion which at first sight appears a paradox to the inexperienced observer. Thus many of my read- ers will doubtless wonder what connection the family of Noah can possibly have with this his- tory, — and many will stare when informed, that the whole liistory of this quarter of the world has taken its character and course from the simple cu'ciunstance of the patriarch's having but three sons. But to explain : Noah, we are told by sundry very credible historians, becoming sole surviving heir and pro- prietor of the earth, in fee-simple, after the del- uge, like a good father, portioned out his estate among his children. To Shem he gave Asia ; tc Ham, Africa ; and to Japhet, Europe. Now it is a thousand times to be lamented that he had but three sons, for had there been a fourth, he would doubtless have inherited America ; Avhich, of course, would have been dragged forth from its obscurity on the occasion ; and thus many a hard - working historian and philosopher would have been spared a prodigious mass of weary conjecture respecting the first discovery and popu- hition of this country. Noah, however, having provided for his three sons, looked in all prob- ability upon our country as a mere wild unset- tled land, and said nothing about it ; and to this unpardonable taciturnity of the patriarch may we ascribe the misfortune that America did not come into the world as early as the other quarters of the globe. UISTORY OF NEW YORK. 65 It is true, some writers have vindicated him from this misconduct towards posterity, and as- serted that he really did discover America. Thus it was the opinion of Mark Lescarbot, a Frencli writer, possessed of that ponderosity of thought, and profoundness of reflection, so peculiar to his nation, that the immediate descendants of Noah peopled this quarter of the globe, and that tlie old patriarch himself, who still retained a passion for the seafaring life, superintended the trans- migration. The pious and enlightened father, Charlevoix, a French Jesuit, remarkable for his aversion to the marvellous, common to all great travellers, is conclusively of the same opinion ; nay, he goes still farther, and decides upon the manner in which the discovery was effected, which was by sea, and under the immediate direc- tion of the great Noah. " I have already ob- served," exclaims the good father, in a tone of becoming indignation, " that it is an arbitrary supposition that the grandchildren of Noah were not able to penetrate into the ncAv world, or that they never thought of it. In effect, I can see no reason that can justify such a notion. Wlio can seriously believe that Noah and his immediate descendants knew less than we do, and that tlie builder and pilot of the greatest ship that ever was, — a ship which was formed to traverse an unbounded ocean, and had so many shoals and quicksands to guard against, — should be ignorant of, or should not have communicated to his de- scendants the art of sailing on the ocean ? " Therefore, they did sail on the ocean ; therefore, GO HISTORY OF NEW YORK. they sailed to America ; therefore, Americ?. was discovered by Noah ! Now all tliis exquisite chain of reasoning, which is so strikingly characteristic of the good father, being addressed to the faith, rather than the understanding, is flatly opposed by Hans de liaet, who declares it a real and most ridiculous paradox to suppose that Noah ever entertained the thou";ht of discoverino- America ; and as Hans is a Dutch writer, I am inclined to believe he must have been much better acquainted Avith the worthy crew of the ark than his competitors, and of course possessed of more accurate sources of information. It is astonishing how intimate historians do daily become with the patriarchs and other great men of antiquity. As intimacy improves witli time, and as the learned are par- ticularly inquisitive and familiar in their ac- quaintance with the ancients, I should not be sur- prised if some future -wa'iters should gravely give us a picture of men and manners as they existed before the flood, far more copious and accurate than the Bible ; and that, in the course of an- other century, the log-book of the good Noah should be as current among historians as the voyages of Captain Cook, or the renowned history of Robinson Crusoe. I shall not occupy my time by discussing the huge mass of additional suppositions, conjectures, and probabilities respecting the first discovery of this country, with wliich unhappy historians over- load themselves, in their endeavors to satisfy the •loubts of an incredulous world. ft is painful to HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 67 see these laborious wights panting, and toiling, and sweating, under an enormous burden, at the very outset of their works, which, on being opened, turns out to be nothing but a mighty bundle of straw. As, however, by unwearied assiduity, they seem to have established the fact, to the satisfaction of all the world, that this country has been discovered, I shall avail myself of their useful labors to be extremely brief upon this pohit. I shall not, therefore, stop to inquire, whether America was lirst discovered by a wandering vessel of that celebrated Phoenician fleet, which, according to Herodotus, circumnavigated Africa ; or by that Carthaginian expedition, which Pliny. the naturalist, informs us, discovered the Canary Islands ; or wliether it was settled by a tempo- rary colony from Tyre, as hinted by Aristotle and Seneca. I shall neither inquire whether it was first discovered by the Chinese, as Vossius with great shrewdness advances ; nor by the Norwegians in 1002, under Biorn ; nor by Be- hem, the German navigator, as Mr. Otto has en- deavored to prove to the savans of the learned city of Philadelphia. Nor shall I investigate the more modem claims of tlie AVelsh, founded on the voyage of Prince Madoc in the eleventh century, who having never returned, it has since been wisely concluded that he must have gone to America, and that for a plain reason, — if he did not go there, where else could he have gone ? — a ques- liou which most socratically shuts out all fartlier lispute. bS HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Laying aside, therefore, all the conjectures above mentioned, with a multitude of others, equally satisfactory, I shall take for granted the vulgar opinion, that America was discovered on tiie 12th of October, 1492, by Christoval Colon, a Genoese, who has been clumsily nicknamed Columbus, but for what reason I cannot discern. Of the voyages and adventures of this Colon, 1 shall say nothing, seeing that they are already sufficiently known. Nor shall I undertake to prove that this country should have been Called Colonia, after his name, that being notoriously self-evident. Having tluis happily got my readers on this side of the Atlantic, I picture them to myself all impatience to enter upon the enjoyment of the land of promise, and in full expectation that I will immediately deliver it into their possession. But if I do may I ever forfeit the reputation of a regular-bred historian ! No — no, — most curi- ous and thrice learned readers, (for thrice learned ye are if ye have read all that has gone before, and nine times learned shall ye be if ye read that which comes after,) we have yet a world of work before us. Think you the first discov- erers of this fair quarter of the globe had noth- ing to do but go on shore and find a country ready laid out and cultivated like a garden, wherein they might revel at their ease ? No such thing: they had forests to cut down, un- derwood to grub up, marshes to drain, and sav- %f];es to exterminate. In like manner, I have sundry doubts to clear B J STORY OF NEW YORK. 69 away, questions to resolve, and paradoxes to ex- plain, before I permit you to range at random ; but these difficulties once overcome, we shall be enabled to jog on right merrily through the rest of Dur history. Thus my work shall, in a man- ner, echo the nature of the subject, in the same manner as the sound of poetry has been fomid by certain shrewd critics to echo the sense, — this being an improvement in history which I 3laim tlie merit of havmg invented. 70 UISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. raOWlNQ TOE GREAT DIFFICULTY PHILOSOPHERS HAVE HAD IN PEOPLING AMERICA; AND HOW THK ABORIGINES CAME TO BE BEGOTTEN BT ACCIDENT — TO THE GREAT RELIEF AND SATISFACTION OF THE AU- THOR. HE next inquiry at which we arrive in the regular course of our history is to ascertain, if possible, how this country was originally peopled, — a point fruitful of in- credible embarrassments ; for unless we prove that the Aborigines did absolutely come from somewhere, it will be immediately asserted, in this age of skepticism, that they did not come at all ; and if they did not come at all, then was this country never populated, — a conclu- sion perfectly agreeable to the rules of logic, but wholly irreconcilable to every feeling of humanity, inasmuch as it must syllogistically prove fatal to the imiumerable Aborigines of this populous region. Tc avert so dire a sophism, and to rescue from logical annihilation so many millions of fellow-creatures, how many wings of geese iiave been plundered ! what oceans of ink have been benevolently drained ! and how many capacious heads of learned liistorians have been addled, and forever confounded ! I pause witli rever- ential awe, when I contemplate the pondei'oiw HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 71 tomes, in ditFereiit languages, with which they have endeavored to solve this question, so im- portant to the happiness of society, but so in- volved in clouds of impenetrable obscurity. Historian after historian has en2^a«:ed in the endless circle of hypothetical argument, and after leading us a weary chase through octa- vos, quartos, and folios, has let us out at the end of his Avork just as Avise as we were at the beginning. It was doubtless some philo- sophical wild-goose cliase of the kind that made the old poet Macrobius rail in such a passion at curiosity, which he anathematizes most heartily as " an irksome agonizing care, a superstitious mdustry about unprofitable things, an itching humor to see what is not to be seen, and to be domoj what sio:nifies nothinof when it is done." But to proceed. Of the claims of the children of Noah to the original population of this country I shall say nothing, as they have already been touched upon in my last chapter. The claimants next in ce- lebrity are the descendants of Abraham. Thus, Christoval Colon (vulgarly called Columbus) when he first discovered the gold mines of liis- paniola, immediately concluded, Avith a shrewd- ness that would have done honor to a philoso- plier, that he had found the ancient Ophir, from whence Solomon procured the gold for embellish- uig the temple at Jerusalem ; nay. Colon even imagined that he saw the remains of furnaces of veritable Hebraic construction, employed in refin- ing the precious rre. 72 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. So golden a conjecture, tinctured with such fascinating extravagance, was too tempting not to be innnediately snapped at by the gudgeons of learning ; and, accordingly, there were divers profound writers ready to swear to its correct- ness, and to bring in their usual load of authoi • ities, and wise surmises, wherewithal to prop it up. Vetablus and Robertus Stephens declared notliing could be more clear ; Arius Montanus, without the least hesitation, asserts tliat Mexico was the true Ophir, and the Jews the early set-- tlers of tlie country ; while Possevin, Becan, and several other sagjicious writers, lug in a supposed propliecy of the fourth book of Esdras, wliich being inserted in the mighty hypothesis, like the key-stone of an arch, gives it, in their opinion, perpetual durability. Scarce, however, have they completed their goodly superstructure, than in trudges a pha- lanx of opposite authors, with Hans de Laet, the great Dutchman, at their liead, and at one blow tumbles the whole fabric about tlieir ears. Hans, in fact, contradicts outrigVit all tlie Israel- itish claims to tlie first settlement of this coun- try, atti'ibuting all tliose equivocal symptoms, and traces of Cln-istianity and Judaism, which have been said to be found in divers provinces of the new world, to the Devil, wlio has always af- fected to coimterfeit the worship of the true Dei ty. ^' A remark," says tlie knowing old Padre d'Acosta, " made by all good authors who have spoken of the religion of nations newly dis- covered, and founded besides on the authority HISTORY OF NEW 1 OJiK. 73 of the fathers of the church." Some Avriters again, among whom it is with much regret i am compelled to mention Lopez de Gomara, and Juan de Leri, insinuate that the Canaan ites, being driven from the land of promise by the Jews, were seized with such a panic that they fled Avithout looking behind them, until stopping to take breath, they found themselves safe in America. As they brought neither their national language, manners, nor features with them, it is supposed they left them behind in the hurry of their flight ; — I cannot give my faith to this opinion. I pass over the supposition of the learned Grotius, — who being both an ambassador and a Dutchman to boot, is entitled to great respect, — that North America was peopled by a strolling company of Norwegians, and that Peru was founded by a colony from China, — Manco, or Mango Capac, the first Licas, being himself a Chinese. Nor shall I more than barely men- tion, that father Kircher ascribes the settle- ment of America to the Egyptians, Rudbeck to the Soiindinavians, Charron to the Gauls, Juffredus Petri to a skating party from Fries- land, Milius to the Celtae, Marinocus the Sicil- ian to the Romans, Le Compte to the Phoeni- cians, Postel to the Moors, Martyn dAngleria to the Abyssinians, together with the sage sur- mise of De Laet, that England, Ireland, and the Orcades may contend for that honor. Nor will I bestow any more attention or 74 HISTORY OF NEW YORK credit to the idea that America is the fair^ region of Zipangri, described by that dream- ing traveller, Marco Polo, the Venetian ; or that it comjirises the visionary island of At- lantis, described by Plato. Neither will I stop to investigate the heathenish assertion of Para- celsus, that each hemisphere of tlie globe was originally furnished with an Adam and Eve ; or the more flattering opinion of Dr. Romayne, supported by many nameless authorities, that Adam was of the Indian race ; or the start- ling conjecture of Buffon, Helvetius, and Dar- wm, so highly honorable to mankind, that the whole human species is accidentally descended from a remarkable family of monkeys ! This last conjecture, I must o^^^l, came upon rae very suddenly and very ungraciously. I have often beheld the clown in a pantomime, while gazing in stupid wonder at the extrav- agant gambols of a harlequin, all at once electri- fied by a sudden stroke of the wooden sword across his shoulders. Little did I think, at such times, that it would ever fall to my lot to be treated with equal discourtesy, and that, while I ^vas quietly beholding these grave philosophers, emulating the eccentric transformations of the hero of pantomime, they would on a sudden turn upon me and my readers, and with one hy- pothetical flourish metamorphose us into beasts ! I determined from that moment not to bum my fingers witli any more of their theories, but con- tent myself with detailing the diflerent methods HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 75 by which they transported the descendants of these ancient and respectable monkeys to this great field of theoretical warfare. This was done either by migrations by land or transmigrations by water. Thus Padre Jo- seph d'Acosta enumerates three passages by land : first, by the north of Europe ; secondly, by the north of Asia ; and thirdly, by regions southward of the Straits of Magellan. The learned Gro- tius marches his Norwegians by a pleasant route across frozen rivers and arms of the sea, through Iceland, Greenland, Estotiland, and Naremberga; aiid various writers, among whom are Angleria, De Hornn, and Buflfbn, anxious for the accom- modation of these travellers, have fastened the two contments together by a strong chain of deductions, — by which means they could pass over dry-shod. But should even this fail, Pink- erton, that industrious old gentleman, who com- piles books, and manufactm-es Geographies, has constructed a natural bridge of ice, from conti- nent to continent, at the distance of four or five miles from Behring's Straits, — for which he is entitled to the grateful thanks of all the wan- dering Aborigmes who ever did or ever will pass over it. It is an evil much to be lamented, that none of the worthy writers above quoted could ever commence his work without immediately de- claring hostilities against every writer who had treated of the same subject. In this particular, authors may be compared to a certain saga- cious bird, wliich in buildin"j its nest is sure 76 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. to pull to pieces the nests of all the bh-ds in its neighborhood. This unhappy propensity tends grievously to impede the progi'ess of sound knowledge. Theories are at best but brittle productions, and when once committed to the stream, they should take care that, like the not- able pots whicii were fellow-voyagers, they do not crack each other. My chief surprise is, that among the many writers I have noticed, no one has attempted to prove that this country was peopled from the moon, — or that the first inhabitants floated hither on islands of ice, as white bears cruise about the northern oceans, — or that they were conveyed hither by balloons, as modern aero- nauts pass from Dover to Calais, — or by witch- craft, as Simon Magus posted among the stars, — or after the manner of the renowned Scyth- ian Abaris, who, like the New England witches on full-blooded broomsticks, made most unheard- of journeys on the back of a golden arrow, given him by the Hyperborean Apollo. But there is still one mode left by which this country could have been peopled, which I have reserved for the last, because I consider it worth idl tlie rest: it is — hy accident! Speaking of llie islands of Solomon, New Guinea, and New Tlolhuid, the profound father Cliarlevoix observes, " in fine, all these countries are peopled, and it is possible some have been so b?/ accident. Now if it could have happened in that manner, why might it not have been at the same time, and by the same means \y\\h the other parts of the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 77 globe?" This ingenious mode of deducing cer* tain conclusions from possible premises is ac nnprovement in syllogistic skill, and proves the good father superior even to Archimedes, foi lie can turn the world without anything to rcsi his lever upon. It is only surpassed by the dex- terity with which the sturdy old Jesuit, in an- other place, cuts the gordian knot : — " Notliing," says he, " is more easy. The inhabitants of both hemispheres are certainly the descendants of the same father. The common father of mankind received an express order from Heaven to people the world, and accordingly it has been peopled. To bring this about, it was necessary to overcome all difficulties in the way, and they have also been overcome ! " Pious logician ! How does he put all the herd of laborious theorists to the blush, by explaining, in five words, what it has cost them volumes to prove they knew nothing about ! From all the authorities here quoted, and a variety of others which I have consulted, but which are omitted through fear of fatiguing the unlearned reader, I can only draw the following conclusions, which luckily, however, are sufficient for my purpose. First, that this part of the world has actually been peopled, (Q. E. D.) to support which we have living proofs in the nu- merous tribes of Indians that inhabit it. Sec- ondly, that it has been peopled in five hundred ilitferent ways, as proved by a cloud of authors who, from tlie positiveness of their assertions, seem to have been eye-witnesses to the fact 78 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Thirdly, that the people of this country had a variety of fathers, which, as it may not be thought much to their credit by the common run of readers, the less we say on the subject the better. The question, therefore, I trust, is ibrever at rest. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 79 \ CHAPTER V. tW WHICH THE AUTHOR PUTS A MIGHTY QUESTION TO THE ROUT, ill THE ASSISTANCE OF THE MAN IN THE MOON, — WHICH NOT ONLY DE- LIVERS THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE FROM GREAT EMBARRASSMENT, .)U1 LIKEWISE CONCLUDES THIS INTRODUCTORY BOOK. HE writer of a history may, in some respects, be likened unto an adventu- rous knight, who, having undertaken a perilous enterprise by way of establishing his fame, feels bound, in honor and chivalry, to turn back for no difficulty nor hardship, and never to shrink or quail, whatever enemy he may encoun- ter. Under this impression, I resolutely draw my pen, and fall to, with might and main, at tliose doughty questions and subtle paradoxes, which, like fiery dragons and bloody giants, beset the entrance to my history, and would fain re- pulse me from the very threshold. And at this moment a gigantic question has started up, which I must needs take by the beard and utterly sub- due, before I can advance another step in my his- toric undertakino; ; but I trust this will be tlie last adversary I shall have to contend Avitb, and that in the next book I shall be enabled to con- duct my readers in triumph into the body of my ivork. The question which has thus suddenly arisen, 80 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. is, What right had the first discoverers of America to land and take possession of a country, with out first gaining the consent of its inhabitants, oi yielding them an adequate compensation for their territory ? — a question which has withstood many fierce assaults, and has given mucli dis- tress of mind to multitudes of kind-hearted folk. And indeed, imtil it be totally vanquished, and put to rest, the worthy people of America can by no means enjoy the soil they inhabit, with clear riglit and title, and quiet, unsidlied consciences. The first source of right, by which property is acquired in a country, is discovery. For as all mankind liave an equal right to anything which has never before been appropriated, so any nation that discovers an uninhabited coimtry, and takes possession thereof, is considered as enjoying full property, and absolute, unquestionable empire therein.^ This prop<\=iition being admitted, it follows clearly, that the Europeans who first visited America were the real discoverers of the same ; nothing being necessary to the establishment of this fact, but simply to prove that it was totally uninhabited by man. This would at first appear to be a point of some difficulty, for it is well known that this quarter of the world abounded with certain animals, that walked erect on two feet, had something of the human countenance, uttered certain unintelligible sounds, very much like language ; in short, had a marvellous resem- blance to human beings. But the zealous and 1 Grotius. riifVL'iulorff, b. v. e. 4. Vattd. b. i. o. 18. &c. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 81 enlightened fathers, who accompanied the discov- erers, for the purpose of promoting the kingdom of heaven by establishing fat monasteries and bishoprics on earth, soon cleared up tliis point, greatly to the satisfaction of his holiness the pope, and of all Christian voyagers and discoverers. They plainly proved, and as there were no In- dian writers arose on the other side, the fact was consider(;d as fully admitted and established, that the two-leooed race of animals before mentioned were mere cannibals, detestable monsters, and many of them giants, — which last description of vagrants have, since the times of Gog, Magog, and Goliath, been considered as outlaws, and have received no quarter in either history, chivalry, or song. Indeed, even the philosophic Bacon de- clared the Americans to be people proscribed by the laws of nature, inasmuch as they had a bar- barous custom of sacrificing men, and feeding upon man's flesh. Nor are these all the proofs of their utter bar- barism : among many other writers of discern- ment, Ulloa tells us " their imbecility is so visible, that one can hardly form an idea of them differ- ent from what one has of the brutes. Nothing disturbs the tranquillity of their souls, equally insensible to disasters and to prosperity. Though half naked, they are as contented as a monarch m his most splendid array. Fear makes no im- pression on them, and respect as little." All this is furthermore supported by the authority of M. Bouguer. " It is not easy," says he, " to describe the degree of their indifference for wealth and all 6 82 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. its advantages. One does not well know what motives to propose to them when one would per- suade them to any service. It is vain to offer them money ; they answer they are not hungry." And Vanegas confirms the whole, assuring us that " ambition they have none, and are more de- sirous of beino; thouo-ht strono; than valiant. The objects of ambition with us — honor, fame, reputa- tion, riches, posts, and distinctions — are unknown among them. So that this powerful spruig of action, the cause of so much seeniliig good and real evil in the world, has no power over them. Li a word, these unhappy mortals may be com- pared to children in whom the development of reason is not completed." Now all these pecidiarities, although in the most unenlightened states of Greece they would have entitled theu- possessors to immortal honor, as liavhig reduced to practice those rigid and abstemious maxims, the mere talking about which acquired certain old Greeks the reputa- tion of sages and philosophers, — yet, were they clearly proved in the present instance to betoken a most abject and brutihed nature, totally beneath the human character. But the benevolent fathers, who had undertaken to turn these unhappy savages into dumb beasts, by dint of argument, advanced still stronger proofs ; for, as certain divines of the sixteenth century, and among the rest Lullus, aiUrm, — the Ameri- cans go naked, and have no beards ! " They have nothing," says Lullus, ''of the reasonable animal, except the mask." Aiid even that mask HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 83 was allowed to avail them but little, for it was 80on found that they were of a hideous copper complexion : and being of a copper complexion, it was all the same as if they were negroes : and negroes are black, — " and black," said the pious fathers, devoutly crossing themselves, "'is the color of the Devil ! " Therefore, so far from being able to own property, they had no right even to personal freedom ; for liberty is too radi- ant a deity to inhabit such gloomy temples. All which circumstances plainly convinced the right- eous followers of Cortes and Pizarro, that these miscreants had no title to the soil that they in- fested, — that they were a perverse, illiterate, dumb, beardless, black-seed, — mere Avild beasts of the forests, and like them should either be subdued or exterminated. From the foregoing arguments, therefore, and a variety of others equally conclusive, Avhich I forbear to enumerate, it is clearly evident that this fair quarter of the globe, when lij-st visited by Europeans, was a howling wilderness, inhab- ited by nothing but wild beasts ; and that the transatlantic visitors acquired an incontrovertible property therein by the right of discovery. This right being fully established, we now come to the next, Avhich is the right acquired by cultivation. " The cultivation of the soil," we are told, " is an obligation imposed by nature on mankind. The whole world is appointed for the nourishment of its inhabitants ; but it would be incapable of doing it, was it uncultivated. Every nation is then obliged by the law of na« 84 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ture to cultivate the ground that has follen to ita share. Those people, like the ancient Germans and modern Tartars, who, having fertile coun- tries, disdain to cultivate the earth, and choose to live by rapine, are wanting to themselves, and deserve to he exterminated as savage and perni' cious beasts" ^ Now it is notorious that the savages knew nothing of agriculture, when first discovered by the Europeans, but lived a most vagabond, disor- derly, unrighteous life, — rambling from place to place, and prodigally rioting upon the sponta- neous luxuries of nature, without tasking her generosity to yield them anything more ; whereas it has been most unquestionably shown, that Heaven intended the earth should be ploughed and sown, and manured, and laid out into cities, and towns, and farms, and comitry - seats, and pleasure-grounds, and public gardens ; all which the Indians knew nothing about : therefore, they did not improve the talents Providence had be- stowed on them : therefore, they were careless stewards : therefore, they had no right to the soil: therefore, they deserved to be extermi- nated. It is true, the savages might plead that they drew all the benefits from the land which their simple wants required^ — they found plenty of game to hunt, which, together with the roots and uncultivated fi-uits of tlie earth, furnished a suffi- cient variety for their frugal repasts, — and that, as Heaven merely designed the earth to form i Vattcl, b. i. cli. 17. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 85 the abode, and satisfy the wants of man, so long as those purposes were answered, the will of Heaven was accomplished. Iliit tliis only proves how undeserving they were of the bless- ings around them : they were so much the more savages, for not having more wants ; for knowl- edge is in some degree an increase of desires ; and it is this superiority both iii the number and mag- nitude of his desires, that distinixuislies the man from the beast. Therefore the Indians, in not ha\'ing more wants, Avere very uni-easonable ani- mals ; and it was but just that they should make way for the Europeans, who had a thousand wmits to their one, and, therefore, would turn the earth to more account, and by cultivating it, more truly fulfil the will of Heaven. Besides — Gro- tius, and Lauterbach, and Puffendorff, and Titius, and many wise men beside, who have considered the matter properly, liave determined that the pi^operty of a country cannot be acquired by hunting, cutting wood, or drawing water in it — notliing but precise demarcation of limits, and the intention of cultivation, can estjiblish the posses- sion. Now, as the savages (probably from never liaving read the authoi"S above quoted) had never complied with any of these necessary forms, it plainly follows that they had no right to tlie soil, but that it was completely at the disposal of the first comers, who had more knowledge, more (vants, and more elegant, that is to say artificial desires than themselves. In entering upon a newly discovered, unculti- vated counti-y, thei-efore, the new comers were 86 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. but taking possession of what, according to the aforesaid doctrine, was their o^Aai property ; — therefore, in opposing them, tlie savages were invading their just i-ights, infringing the immu- table laws of nature, and counteracting the will of heaven : therefore, they were guilty of impi- ety, burglary, and trespass on the case : there- fore, they were hardened offenders against God and man : therefore, they ought to be exter- minated. But a more irresistible right than either that I have mentioned, and one which will be the most readily admitted by my reader, provided he be blessed with bowels of charity and philan- thropy, is the right acquired by civilization. All the \\oy\{\ Imows the lamentable state in which these poor savages were found. Not only de- ficient in the comforts of life, but what is still worse, most piteously and unfortunately blind to the miseries of their situation. But no sooner did the benevolent inhabitants of Europe behold their sad condition, than they immediately went to work to ameliorate and improve it. They in- troduced among them rum, gin, brandy, and the other comforts of life, — and it is astonishing to read how soon tlie poor savages learned to estimate those blessings ; they likewise made known to them a thousand remedies, by which the most inveterate diseases are alleviated and healed ; and that they might comprehend the benefits and enjoy the comforts of these medi- cines, they j)reviousIy introduced among thera the diseases Avhich they were calculated to cure HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 87 By these and a variety of other methods waa the condition of these poor savages wonderfully improved ; they acquired a thousand wants, of which they had before been ignorant ; and as he has most sources of happmess who has most wants to be gratified, they were doubtlessly ren- dered a much happier race of beings. But the most important bi'anch of civilization, and which has most strenuously been extolled by the zealous and pious fathers of the Romish Church, is the introduction of the Cliristian faith. It was truly a sight that might well inspire hor- ror, to behold these savao;es tumblins^ amono- the dark mountains of paganism, and guilty of the most horrible ignorance of religion. It is true, they neither stole nor defrauded ; they were so- ber, frugal, continent, and faithful to their word ; but though they acted right habitually, it was all in vain, unless they acted so from precept. The new comers, therefore, used every method to induce them to embrace and practise the true religion, — except indeed that of setting them the example. But notwithstanding all tliese complicated labors for their good, such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these stubborn wretches, that they vuigratefully refused to acknowledge the strangers as their benefactors, and persisted in disbelieving (he doctrines they endeavored to inculcate ; most insolently alleging, that, from tlieir conduct, the advocates of Christianity did not seem to believe 'ji it themselves. Was not this too much for human patience ? — would not one suppose that 88 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. the benign visitants from Europe, provoked at their incretlulity, and discouraged by tlieir stiff- necked obstinacy, would forever have abandoned their shores, and consigned them to their origi- nal ignorance and misery ? But no : so zealous were they to effect the temporal comfort and eter- nal salvation of these pagan infidels, that they even proceeded from the milder means of persua- sion to the more painful and troublesome one of persecution, — let loose among them whole troops of fiery monks and furious bloodhounds, — purified them by fire and sword, by stake and fagot ; in consequence of which indefatigable measures the cause of Christian love and charity was so rapidly advanced, tliat in a few years not one fifth of the number of unbelievers existed in vSouth America that were found tliere at the time of its discoveiy. What stronger right need the European set- tlers advance to the country than this ? Have not whole nations of uninformed savages been made acquainted with a thousand imperious wants and indispensable comforts, of which they were before Avholly ignorant ? Have they not been literally hunted and smoked out of tlie dens and lurking-places of ignorance and infidelity, and absolutely scourged into the right path ? Have not the temporal things, the vain baubles and filthy lucre of this world, which were too apt to engage their worldly and selfish •tlioughts, been benevolently taken from them ; and have tliey not, instead tliereof, been taught to set tlieir aflfections on things above ? And, finally, to use the words of a reverend Spanish father, in a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 8^ letter to liis superior in Spain, " Can any one have the presumption to say that these savage Pagans have yielded anything more than an inconsiderable recompense to their benefaclortj, in surrendering to them a little pitiful tract of this dirty sublunary planet in exchange for a gloi'ious inheritance in the kuigdom of heaven ? " Here, then, are three complete and undeniable sources of right established, any one of which was more than ample to establisli a property in the newly-discovered i-egions of America. Now, so it has happened in certain parts of this de- lightful quarter of the globe, that the right of discovery has been so strenuously asserted, the influence of cultivation so industriously extended, and the progress of salvation and civilization so zealously prosecuted, that, what with their attend- ant wars, persecutions, oppressions, diseases, and other partial evils that often hang on the skirts of great benefits, the savage aborigines have, somehow or another, been utterly annihilated ; — • and this all at once brings me to a fourth right, which is worth all the others put together. For the oriofinal claimants to the soil beino- all dead and buried, and no one remaining to inherit or dispute the soil, the Spaniards, as the next immediate occupants, entered upon the possession as clearly as the hangman succeeds to the clothes k)f the malefactor ; and as they have Blackstone,' and all the learned expounders of the law ou i*heir side, they may set all actions of ejectment at defiance; — and tliis last riglit may b(^ entitled 1 I'l. Com. b. ii. c. 1. 30 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. the RIGHT RY EXTERMINATION, 01', in Other words, tlie RIGHT BY GUNPOWDER. But lest any scruples of conscience should remain on this head, and to settle the question of riglit forever, liis holiness Pope Alexander VI. issued a bull, by which he generously granted the newly-discovered quarter of the globe to the Spaniards and Portuguese ; who, thus ha\dng law and gospel on their side, and being inflamed with great spiritual zeal, showed the Pagan sav- ages neither favor nor affection, but prosecuted the work of discovery, colonization, civilization, and extermination with ten times more fury than ever. Thus were the European worthies Avho fii'St discovered America cleai-ly entitled to the soil ; and not only entitled to tlie soil, but likewise to the eternal thanks of 'these infidel savages, for having come so far, endured so many perils by sea and land, and taken such unwearied pains, for no other purpose but to improve their forlorn, uncivilized, and heathenish condition, — for liav- ing made them acquainted with the comforts of life, — for havinfi: introduced anions; tliem tlie light of religion, — and, finally, for having hurried them out of the woi-ld, to enjoy its reward ! But as argument is never so well iniderstood by us selfish moi'tals as when it comes liome to ourselves, jind as I am particularly anxious that this question should be put to rest forever, I will suppose a parallel case, by way of arousing the Ciindid attention of my readers. Let us suppose, then, that the inhabitants of HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 91 the moon, by astonishing advancement in science, and by profound insight into that hniar philoso- phy, the mere flickerings of which have of late years dazzled the feeble optics, and addled the shallow brains of the good people of our globe, — let us suppose, I say, that the inhabitants of tlie moon, by these means, had arrived at such a com- mand of their energies, such an enviable state of 'perfectihility, as to control the elements, and navi- gate the boundless regions of space. Let us suppose a roving crew of these soaring philoso- phers, in the course of an aerial voyage of dis covery among the stars, should chance to alight upon this outlandish planet. And here I beg my readers will not have the uncharitableness to smile, as is too frequently the fault of volatile readers, when perusing the grave speculations of philosophers. I am far from indulging in any sportive vein at present ; nor is the supposition I have been making so wild as many may deem it. It has long been a very serious and anxious question with me, and many a time and oft, in the course of my overwhelm- ing cares and contrivances for the welfare and protection of this my native planet, have I lain awake whole nights debating in my mind, Avhetliei it were most probable we shoidd first discover und civilize the moon, or the moon discover and civilize our globe. Neither woidd the prodigy of sailing in the air and cruising among the stars oe a whit more astonishing and incomprehensible to us than was the European mystery of navi- gating floating castles, through the world of 32 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. waters, to the simple natives. We have already discovered the art of coastins: alonjr the aerial shores of our planet, by means of balloons, as the savages had of venturing along their sea-coasts in canoes ; and the disparity between the former and the aerial vehicles of the philosophers from ihe moon mijjht not be greater than that be- tween the bark canoes of the savages and the mighty ships of their discoverers. I might here pursue an endless chain of similar speculations ; but as they would be unimportant to my sub- ject, I abandon them to my reader, particularly if he be a philosopher, as matters well wortliy of his attentive consideration. To return, then, to my supposition ; — let us suppose that the aerial visitants I have men- tioned, possessed of vastly superior knowledge to ourselves ; that is to say, possessed of superior knowledge in the art of extermination, — riding on hyppogriffs, — defended with impenetrable ar- mor, — armed with concentrated sunbeams, and provided with vast engines, to hurl enormous moon-stones : in short, let us suppose them, if our vanity will permit the supposition, as superior to us in knowledge, and consequently in power, as the Europeans were to the Indians, when they first discovered them. All this is very possible ; it is only our self-sufficiency that makes us think otherwise ; and I warrant the poor savages, be- fore they had any knowledge of the white men, armed in all the teri-ors of ji-litterinfi; steel and tre mendous gunpowder, wei*e as perfectly convinced thnt they themselves were the wisest, the most HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 98 virtuous, powerful, and perfect of created beings, as are, at this present moment, the lordly inhab- itants of old England, the volatile populace of France, or even the self-satisfied citizens of this most enlightened republic. Let us suppose, moreover, that the aerial voy- ogers, finding this planet to be nothing but a howling wilderness, inhabited by us, poor sav- ages and wild beasts, shall take formal posses- sion of it, in the name of his most gracious and philosophic excellency, the man in the moon. Finding, however, that their numbers ai'e in- competent to hold it in complete subjection, on account of the ferocious barbarity of its inhabi- tants, they shall take our worthy President, the King of England, the Emperor of Hayti, the mighty Bonaparte, and the great King of Ban- tam, and returning to their native planet, shall carry them to court, as were the Indian chiefs led about as spectacles in the courts of Europe. Then making such obeisance as the etiquette of the court i-equires, they shall address the puis- sant man in the moon, in, as near as I can con- jecture, the following terms : — " Most serene and mighty Potentate, whose dominions extend as far as eye can reach, who rideth on the Great Bear, useth the sun as a looking-glass, and maintaineth unrivalled con- trol over tides, madmen, and sea - crabs. We, thy liege subj*icts, have just returned from a voyage of discovery, in the course of which we lave landed and taken possession of that ob- scure little du'ty planet, which thou beholdest 94 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. rolling at a distance. The five uncouth monsters, which we have brought into this august pres- ence, were once very important chiefs among their fellow-savages, who are a race of beings totally destitute of the common attributes of hu- manity ; and differing in every thing from the in- habitants of the moon, inasmuch as they carry their heads upon their shoulders, instead of un- der their arms, — have two eyes instead of one, — are utterly destitute of tails, and of a variety of unseemly complexions, particularly of horrible whiteness, instead of pea-green. " We have moreover found these miserable savages sunk into a state of the utmost igno- rance and depravity, every man shamelessly living with his own wife, and rearing his own children, instead of indulging in that commu- nity of wives enjoined by the law of nature, as expounded by the philosophers of the moon. In a word, they have scarcely a gleam of true philosophy among them, but are, in fact, utter heretics, ignoramuses, and barbarians. Taking compassion, therefore, on the sad condition of these sublunary wretches, we have endeavored, while we remained on their planet, to introduce among them the light of reason, and the com- forts of the moon. We have treated them to mouthfuls of moonshine, and draughts of nitroua oxide, which they swallowed with incredible vo- racity, particularly the females ; and we have likewise endeavored to instil into them the pre- cepts of lunar philosophy. We have insisted upon their renouncing the o»jntemptible shacklcH HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 95 of religion and common sense, and adoring the profound, omnipotent, and all - perfect energy, and the ecstatic, immntable, immovable perfec- tion. But such was the unparalleled obstinacy of these wretched savages, that they persisted in cleaving to their Avives, and adhering to their religion, and absolutely set at naught the sublime doctrines of the moon, — nay, among other abominable heresies, they even went so far as blasphemously to declare, that this inef- fable planet was made of nothing more nor less than s:reen cheese ! " to' At these words, the great man in the moon (being a very profound philosopher) shall fall into a terrible passion, and possessing equal au- thority over things that do not belong to him, as did whilom his holiness the Pope, sliall forth- with issue a formidable bull, specifying, " That, whereas a certain crew of Lunatics have lately discovered, and taken possession of a newly-dis- covered planet called the earth; and that, where- as it is inhabited by none but a race of two- leffcred animals that carry their heads on their shoulders instead of under their arms, cannot talk the lunatic language, have two eyes instead of one, are destitute of tails, and of a horril)le whiteness, instead of pea-green : — therefore, and for a variety of other excellent reasons, they ai'c considered uicapable of possessing any property in the planet they infest, and the riglit and title to it are confirmed to its original discoverers. And furthermore, the colonists who are now about to depart to the aforesaid planet are an- 96 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. tliorized and commanded to use every means to convert these infidel savages from the darkness of Christianity, and make them thorougli and absohite hniatics." In consequence of this benevolent bull, our philosophic benefactors go to work with hearty zeal. They seize upon our fertile territories, scourge us from our i-ightful possessions, relieve us from our wives ; and when we are unrcjisontible enougli to complain, they will tuni upon us and say : Miserable barbarians ! ungrateful wretches ! have we not come thousands of miles to improve yoiu" wortiiless planet ; have we not fed you with moonshine ; have we not intoxicated you with nitrous oxide ; does not our moon give you light every night ; and have you the baseness to mur- mur when we claim a pitiful return for all these benefits ? But finding that we not only persist in absolute contempt of their reasoning and disbe- lief in their philosophy, but even go so far as daringly to defend oiu* property, their patience shall be exhausted, and they shall resort to their superior powers of argument : hunt us with hyp- pogritfs, transfix us with concentrated sunbeams, demolish our cities with moon-stones ; until hav- ing, by main force, converted us to the true faith, they sliall graciously permit us to exist in the torrid deserts of Arabia, or the frozen regions of Lapland, there to enjoy the blessings of civiliza- tion and the charms of lunar ])liilosophy, in iinicli tiie same manner as the reformed and en- lightened savages of this country ai-e kindly Buffered to inhabit the nihospitable forests of the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 97 north, or the impenetrable wildernesses of South America. Thus, I hope, I have clearly proved, and strik- ingly illustrated, the right of the early colonists lo the possession of this country ; and thus is (Ills gigantic question completely vanquished: so, having manfully surmounted all obstacles, and subdued all opposition, what remauis but that I should forthwith conduct my readers into the city which we have been so long in a manner besieging ? But hold ; before I proceed another step, I must pause to take breath, and recover from the excessive fatigue I have undergone, in preparing to begin this most accurate of histo- ries. And in this I do but imitate the example of a renowned Dutch tumbler of antiquity, who took a start of three miles for the purpose of jumpuig over a hill, but having run liimself out of breath by the time he reached the foot, sat himself quietly down for a few moments to blow, and then walked over it at his leisure. BOOK 11. TREATING OF TUE FIRST SETTLEMENT OF TUE PROVINCB OF NIEUW-NEDERLANDTS. CHAPTER I. IN WHICH ARE CONTAINED BIVERS REASONS WHY A MAX SHOULD NOT WRITE IN A HURRY ; ALSO, OF MASTER UENDRICK HUDSON, UIS DIS- COVERY OP A STRANGE COUNTRY, — AND HOW HE WAS MAGNIFICENTLY REWARDED BY THE MUNIFICENCE OF THEIR HIGH MIGHTINESSES. ^Y great-grandfather, by the mother's side, Hermanns Van Clattercop, when employed to build the large stone chnrch at Rotterdam, which stands abont three hundred yards to your left after you turn off fi-om the Boomkeys, and which is so conven- iently constructed, that all the zealous Chris- tians of Rotterdam prefer sleeping through a sermon there to any other church in the city, — my great-grandfatlier, I say, when employed to build that famous church, did in the first place send to Delft for a box of long pipes,' then having purchased a new spitting-box and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 99 d hiindred-Aveight of the best Virginia, lie sat himself down, and did nothing for the space of three months but smoke most laboriously. Then did he spend full three months more in trudging on foot, and voyaging in trekschuit, from Rotterdam to Amsterdam — to Delft — to Ilaerlem — to Leyden — to the Hague, knocking his head and breaking his pipe against every church in his road. Then did he advance grad- ually nearer and nearer to Rotterdam, until he rjame in full sight of the identical spot whereon the church Avas to be built. Then did he spend three months lon<2;er in walkino; round it and round it, contemplating it, first from one point of view, and then from another, — now would he be paddled by it on the canal, — now would he peep at it through a telescope from the other side of the Meuse, and now Avould he take a bird's-eye glance at it from the top of one of those gigantic windmills which protect the gates of the city. The good folks of the place were on the tiptoe of expectation and impatience ; — notwithstanding all the turmoil of my great- grandfather, not a symptom of the church was yet to be seen ; they even began to fear it woidd never be brought into the w^orld, but that it3 great projector would lie down and die in labor of the mighty plan he had conceived. At length, having occupied twelve good months in puffing and paddling, and talking and walking, — hav- ing travelled over all Holland, and even taken a peep into France and Germany, — having smoked five hundred and ninety-nine pipes, and 100 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. three hundred-weight of the best Virginia to« bacco, — my great-grandfather gathered together all that knowing and industrious class isf citi- zens who prefer attending to anybody's business sooner than their ow^n, and having pulled oft* his coat and five pair of breeches, he adv^anced stur- dily up and laid the corner-stone of the church, in presence of the whole multitude — just at the commencement of the thirteenth month. In a similar maimer, and with the example of my worthy ancestor full before my eyes, have I proceeded in writing this most authentic history. The honest Rotterdamers no doubt thought my great-grandfather was doing nothing at all to the purpose, while he was making such a world of prefatory bustle about the building of his church, — and many of the ingenious inhabitants of this fair city will unquestionably suppose that all the preliminary chapters, with the discovery, popu- lation, and final settlement of America, were to- tally irrelevant and superfluous, — and that the main business, the history of New York, is not a jot more advanced than if I had never taken up my pen. Never were wise people more mis- taken in their conjectures : in consequence of going to work slowly and deliberately, the church came out of my gi-andfather's hands one of the most sumptuous, goodly, and glorious edifices in the known world, — excepting that, like our mag- nificent capitol, at Washington, it was begun on so grand a scale that the good folks could not afford to finish more than the wing of it. So, Ukevs-ise, I trust, if ever I am able to finish tliia HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 101 work on the plan I have commenced, (of which, in simple truth, I sometimes have my doubts,) it will be found that I have pursued the latest rules of my art, as exemplified in the Avritings of all the great American historians, and wrought a very large history out of a small subject, — which, nowadays, is considered one of the great triumphs of historic skill. To proceed, then, with the thread of my story. In the ever-memorable year of our Lord, 1609, on a Saturday morning, the five-and-twentieth day of March, old style, did that '' worthy and irrecoverable discoverer, (as lie has jnstly been called,) Master Ileiuy Hudson," set sail from Holland in a stout \'essel called the Half-JNEoon, being employed by the Dutch East India Com- pany, to seek a north\\'est passage to China. Henry (or, as the Dutch historians call him, Hendrick) Hudson was a seafaring man of re- nown, who had learned to smoke tobacco under Sir Walter Raleigh, and is said to have been the first to introduce it into Holland, which gained him much popularity in that country, and caused him to find great favor in the eyes of their High Mightinesses, the Lords States General, and also of the honorable West India Company. He was a short, square, brawny old gentleman, with a ijuuble chin, a mastiff mouth, and a broad copper nose, which was supposed in those days to have acquired its fiery hue from the constant neighbor- hood of his tobacco-pipe. He wore a true Andrea Fen-ara, tucked in \ leathern belt, and a commodore's cocked hat 102 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. on one side of his head. He was remarkable for always jerking up his breeches when he gave out his orders, and liis voice sounded not unlike the brattling of a tin trumpet, — - owing to the number of hard northwesters which he had swallowed in the course of his seafaring. Such was Hendrick Hudson, of whom we have heard so much, and know so little ; and I have been thus particular in his description for the benefit of modern painters and statua- ries, that they may represent him as he was, — and not, according to their common custom with modern heroes, make him look like Ctesar, or Marcus Aurelius, or the Apollo of Belvidere. As chief mate and favorite companion, the commodore chose master Robert Juet, of Lime- house, in England. By some his name has been spelled Chewlt, and ascribed to the circumstances of his having been the first man that ever chewed tobacco ; but this I believe to be a mere flippancy ; more especially as certain of his pro- geny are living at this day, who write their names Juet. He was an old comrade and early sclioolmate of the great Hudson, with whom he had often played truant and sailed cliip boats in a neighboring pond, when they were little boys : from whence it is said that the commodore first derived his bias towards a seafaring life. Certain it Is, tluit the old people about LImehouse declared Robert Juet to be an unlucky ui-chin, prone to mischief, that would one day or other come to tho gallows. He grew up, as boys of that kind often grow HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 103 up, a rambling, heedless varlet, tossed about in all quarters of the world, — meeting with more perils and wonders than did Sinbad the Sailor, without growing a whit more wise, prudent, or ill - natured. Under every misfortune, he com- forted himself with a quid of tobacco, and the truly pliilosophic maxim, that " it will be all the same thing a hundred years hence." He was skilled Lti the art of carvino- anchors and true lover's knots on the bulk-heads and quarter-rail- ings, and was considered a great wit on board ship, in consequence of his playing pranks on everybody around, and now and then even mak- ing a wry face at old Hendrick, when his back was turned. To this universal genius are we indebted for many particulars concerning this voyage ; of which he ^vi'ote a history, at the request of the commodore, who had an unconquerable aversion to ^vriting himself, from having received so many floggings about it when at school. To supply the deficiencies of master Juet's journal, which is written with true log-book brevity, I have availed myself of divers family traditions, handed down from my great-great-grandfather, who ac- companied the expedition in the capacity of cabin- boy. From all that I can learn, few incidents worthy of remark happened in the voyage ; and it mor- tifies me exceedingly that I have to admit so noted an expedition into my Avork, without mak- ing any more of it. SutTi^e it to say, the voyage was prosperous 104 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, and tranquil ; the crew, being a patient people, much given to slumber and vacuity, and but lit- tle troubled with the disease of thinking, — a malady of the mind, which is the sure breeder of discontent. Hudson had laid in abundance of gin and sourkrout, and every man was allowed to sleep quietly at his post unless the wind blew. True it is, some slight disaffection was shown on two or three occasions, at certam unreasonable conduct of Commodore Hudson. Thus, for in- stance, he forbore to shorten sail when the wind was light, and the weather serene, which was considered among the most experienced Dutch seamen as certain weather - breeders, or prognos- tics that the weather would change for the worse. He acted, moreover, in direct conti-adiction to that ancient and sa";e rule of the Dutch navisra- O CD tors, who always took in sail at night, put the helm a-port, and turned in, — by which precau- tion they had a good night's rest, were sure of knowing where they were the next morning, and stood but little chance of running down a conti- nent in the dark. He likewise prohibited the seamen from wearmg more than five jackets and six pair of breeches, under pretence of rendering them more alert ; and no man was permitted to go aloft and hand in sails with a pipe in liis mouth, as is the invariable Dutch custom at the present day. All these grievances, though tliey mi":ht ruftle for a moment tlie constitutional tran- quillity of the honest Dutch tars, made but tran- flient impression ; — they ate hugely, drank pi-o- fusely, and slept immeasurably ; and being under HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 105 fche especial guidance of Providence, tlie ship was Bafely conducted to the coast of America ; where, after sundry unimportant touchings and standings off and on, she at length, on the fourtli day of September, entered that majestic bay which at this day expands its ample bosom before the city of New York, and wliich had never befoi'e been visited by any European.^ It has been traditionary in our family, that when the great navigator was first blessed with 1 True it is — and I am not ignorant of the fact — that in a certain apocryphal book of voyages, compiled by one Hak- luyt, is to be found a letter written to Francis the First, by one Giovaniie, or John Verazzani, on which some writers are inclined to found a belief that this delightful bay had been visited nearly a century previous to the voyage of the enter- prising Hudson. Now this (albeit it has met with the counte- nance of certain very Judicious and learned men) I hold in utter disbelief, and that for various good and substantial reasons : First, Because on strict examination it will be tbund, that the description given by this Verazzani applies about as well to the bay of New York as it does to my night- cap. Si-condhj, Because that this John Verazzani, for whom 1 already begin to feel a most bitter enmity, is a native of Florence : and everybody knows the crafty Aviles of these losel Florentines, by which they hiched away the laurels from the brows of the immortal Colon, (vulgarly called Coluiiibus,) and bestowed them on their officious townsman, Amerigo Vespucci; and 1 make no doubt they are efjually ready to rob the illustrious Hudson of the credit of discovering this beautiful island, adorned by tl>e city of New York, and pla- cing it beside their usurped discovery of South America. And, thirdly, I award my decision in favor of the pretensiona of Hendrick Hudson, inasmuch as his expedition sailed from Hollaiul, being truly and absolutely a Dutch enterprise; — and though all the proofs in the world were introduced on the other side, I would set them at naught, as undeserving my attention. If these three reasons be not sufficient to sat- ■>sty every burgher of this ancient city, all I can say is, they are degenerate desceiulants from their venerable Dutch ances- tors, and totally unworthy the trouble of convincing. Thus, hert?tbre, tiie title of Hendrick Hudson to his renowned dis- covery is fully vindicated. 106 UrSTORY OF NEW YORK. a view of tliis enchanting island, he was ob- served, for the first and only time in his life, to exhibit strong symptoms of astonishment and admiration. He is said to have turned to mas- ter Juet, and uttered these remarkable words, while he pointed towards this paradise of the new world, — " See ! there ! " — and thereupon, as was always his way when he was uncommonly pleased, he did puff out such clouds of densft tobacco-smoke, that in one minute the vessel was out of sight of land, and master Juet was fain to wait mitil the winds dispersed this im- penetrable fog. It was indeed, — as my great-grandfather used to say, — though m truth I never heard him, for he died, as might be expected, before I was born — " It was indeed a spot on which the eye might have revelled forever, in ever new and never-end- ing beauties." The island of Mannahata spread wide before them, like some sweet vision of fancy, or some fair creation of industrious magic Its hills of smiling green swelled gently one above another, crowned with lofty trees of luxuriant growth ; some pointing tlieir tapering foliage towards the clouds, which were glori- ously transparent ; and others loaded with a ver- dant burden of clamberina; vines, bowinji^ their in'anches to the earth, that was covered with (lowers. On the gentle declivities of the liills were scattered in gay profusion, the dog-wood, the sumacli, and tiie wild brier, whose scarlet beiTlcs and white blossoms glowed brightly among the deep gi-een of the surrounding foli- HISTORY OF NEW YORK 107 age ; and here and there a cui'ling column of smoke, rising from the little glens that opened along the sliore, seemed to promise the weary voyagers a welcome at the hands of their fel- low-creatures. As they stood gazing Avitli en- tranced attention on the scene before them, a red man, crowned with feathers, issued from one of these glens, and after contemplating in wonder the gallant ship, as she sat like a stately swan swimming on a silver lake, sounded the warwhoop, and bounded into the woods like a wild deer, to tlie utter astonishment of the phlegmatic Dutchmen, who had never heard such a noise, or witnessed such a caper in then* whole lives. Of the transactions of our adventurers with the savages, and how the latter smoked copper pipes, and ate dried currants ; how they brought great store of tobacco and oysters ; how they shot one of the ship's crew, and how he was buried, I shall say nothing ; being that I con- sider them unimportant to my history. After tarrying a few days in the bay, in order to re- fresh themselves after their seafaring, our voy- agers weighed anchor, to explore a mighty river wliich emptied into the bay. This river, it is said, was known among the savages by the name of the S/iatemuck ; thouofh we are assured in an excellent little history published in 1G74, by John Jossel}ni, Gent., that it was called the Mohegan} and master Richard Bloome, who 1 This river is likewise laid down in 0,t;"ilvy's map as Man- hattan — Noordt Montaiiiiie and Mauritius river. 108 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. wrote some time afterwards, asserts the same, — so that I very much incline in favor of the opinion of these two honest gentlemen. Be this as it may, up this river did the adventurous Hendrick proceed, little doubting but it would turn out to be the much looked-for passage to China ! The journal goes on to make mention of divers interviews between the crew and the natives, in the voyage iip the river ; but as they would be impertinent to my history, I shall pass over them in silence, except the following dry joke, played off by tlie old commodore and his school-fellow, Robert Juet, which does such vast credit to their experimental philosophy, that I cannot refrain from inserting it. " Our master and his mate determined to try some of the chiefe men of the countrey, .whether they had any treacherie in them. So they tooke them downe into the cabin, and gave them so much wine and aqua vitos, that tliey were all merrie ; and one of them had his wife witli liim, which sate so modestly, as any of om* countrey women would do in a strange place. Li tlie end, one of them was drunke, which had been aborde of our sliip all tlie time that we had been there, and that was strange to them, for they could not tell how to take it." ^ Having satisfied himself by this ingenious ex- periment, that the natives were an honest, so- cial race of jolly roysters, who had no objection to a drinking-bout and were very meriy in their 1 Juct's Journ. Purch. Pil. I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 109 cups, the old commodore chuckled hugely to him- self, and thrusting a double quid of tobacco in his cheek, du^ected master Juet to have it care- fully recorded, for the satisfaction of all the nat- ural philosophers of the university of Leyden, — - wliich done, he proceeded on his voyage, with great self-complacency. After sailing, however above an hundred miles up the river, he found the watery world around him began to grow more shallow and confined, the current more rapid, and perfectly fresh, — phenomena not un- common in the ascent of rivers, but which puz- zled the honest Dutchmen prodigiously. A consultation was therefore called, and having deliberated full six hours, they were brought to a determination by the ship's rumiing aground, — whereupon they unanimously concluded, that there was but little chance of getting to China in this direction. A boat, however, was de- spatched to explore higher up the river, which, on its return, confirmed the opinion ; upon this the ship was warped off and put about, with great difficulty, bemg, like most of her sex, exceed- ingly hard to govern ; and the adventurous Hud- son, according to the account of my great-gi'eat- grandfather, returned down the river — with a prodigious flea in his ear ! Being satisfied that there was little hkelihood of getting to China, unless, like the blind man, he returned from whence he set out, and took a fresh start, he forthwith recrossed the sea to Hol- land, where he was received with great welcome by the honorable East India Company, who were 110 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. very much rejoiced to see him come back safe — with their sliip ; and at a large and respectable meetinoj of the first merchants and burgomasters of Amsterdam, it was unanimously determined, that, as a munificent reward for the eminent services he had performed, and the important discovery he had made, the great river Mohegan should be called after his name ! — and it con- tinues to be called Hudson river unto this very day. HISTORY OF NEW YORK HI CHAPTER n. CONTAINING AN ACCOUNT OP A ^^GHTT ARK ^VHICH FLOATED, UNDER THE PROTECTION OF ST. NICHOLAS, FROM HOLLAND TO GIBBET IS- LAND, — THE DESCENT OF THE STRANGE ANIMALS THEREFROM, — A GREAT VICTORY, AND A DESCRIPTION OP THE ANCIENT VILLAGE OF COMMUNIPAW. 'HE delectable accounts given by the great Hudson, and master Juet, of the coun- try they had discovered, excited not a Httle talk and speculation among the good people of Holland. Letters - patent were granted by government to an association of merchants, called the West India Company, for the exclusive trade on Hudson river, on which they erected a trad- ing-house, called Fort Aurania, or Orange, from whence did spring the great city of Albany. But I forbear to dwell on the various commercial and colonizing enterprises which took place, — among which was that of Mynheer Adrian Block, wlio discovered and gave a name to Block Island, since famous for its cheese, — and shall barely confine myself to that which gave birth to tliis renowned city. It was some three or four years after the rc- tm'n of the immortal Hendrick, that a crew of honest, Low-Dutch colonists set sail from the city of Amsterdam for the shores of America. It is an UTeparable loss to history, and a great :i2 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. proof of the darkness of the age, and the lamen- table neglect of the noble art of book-making, Bince so industriously cultivated by knowing sea- captams, and learned supercargoes, that an expe- dition so interestmg and important in its results should be passed over in utter silence. To my great-great-gi'andfather am I again indebted for the few facts I am enabled to give concerning it, — he having once more embarked for this coun- try, with a full determination, as he said, of end- ing his days here, and of begetting a race of Knickerbockers that should rise to be great men in the land. The ship in which these illustrious adventur- ers set sail was called the Goede Vrouw, or good woman, in compliment to the wife of the Presi- dent of the West India Company, who was al- lowed by everybody (except her husband) to be a sweet-tempered lady — when not in liquor. It was in truth a most gallant vessel, of the most approved 'Dutch construction, and made by the ablest ship-carpenters of Amsterdam, who, it is well knoAATi, always model their ships after the fair forms of theu- countrywomen. Accordingly, it had one hundred feet in the beam, one hundred feet in the keel, and one hundred feet from the bottom of the stern-post to the tafferel. Like the beauteous model, who was declared to be the greatest belle in Amsterdam, it was full in the bows, with a pair of enormous cat-heads, a cop- per bottom, and withal a most prodigious poop ! The architect, who was somewhat of a relig- ious man, far from decorating the ship with pa- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 1]3 gall idols, such as Jupiter, Neptune, or Hercules, (which heathenish abominations, I have no doubt, occasion the misfortunes and ship\vi'eck of many a noble vessel,) — he, I say on the contrary, did laudably erect for a head, a goodly image of St. Nicholas, equipped with a low, broad-brimmed l.at, a huge paii' of Flemish trmik-hose, and a pipe that reached to the end of the bowsprit. Thus, gallantly furnished, the stanch ship floated sideways, like a majestic goose, out of the harbor of the great city of Amsterdam, and all the bells, that were not otherwise engaged, rang a triple bobmajor on the joyful occasion. My great-great-grandfather remarks, that the voyage was uncommonly prosperous, for, being under the especial care of the ever-revered St. Nicholas, the Goede Vrouw seemed to be endowed with quahties unknown to common vessels. Thus she made as much leeway as headway, could get along very nearly as fast with the wind ahead as when it was a-poop, — and was particularly great in a calm ; in consequence of which suigu- lar advantages she made out to accomplish her voyage in a very few months, and came to an- chor at the mouth of the Hudson, a little to tlie oast of Gibbet Island. Here, lifting up their eyes, they beheld, on what is at present called the Jersey shore, a small Indian village, pleasantly embowered in a gro^e of spreading elms, and the natives all col- lected on the beach, gazing in stupid admiration at the Goede Vrouw. A boat was immediately despatched to enter into a treaty with them, and 114 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. approaching the shore, hailed them thi'ough a trumpet, \i\ the most friendly terms ; but so hor- ribly confounded were these poor savages at the tremendous and uncouth sound of the Low-Dutch language, that they one and all took to their heels, and scampered over the Bergen hills ; nor did they 'Stop until they had buried themselves, head and ears, m the marshes on the other side, where they all miserably perished to a man ; — and their bones, being collected and decently covered by the Tammany Society of that day, formed that shigular mound called Rattlesnake Hill, which rises out of the centre of the salt marshes a little to the east of the Newark Causeway. Animated by this unlooked - for victory, our valiant heroes sprang ashore in triumph, took possession of the soil as conquerors, in the name of then- Hio-h Mio-htinesses the Lords States Gen- eral ; and, marching fearlessly forward, carried the village of Communipaw by storm, notwith- standing that it was vigorously defended by some half a score of old squaws and pappooses. On looking about them they were so transported with the excellencies of the place, that they had very little doubt the blessed St. Nicholas had guided them thither, as the very spot whereon to settle their colony. The softness of the soil was wonderfully adapted to the driving of piles the swamps and marshes around them afforded ample opportunities for the constructing of dykes imd dams ; the shallowness of the slioi-e was pe- culiarly favorable to the building of docks ; — in a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 115 word, this spot abounded with all the requisites for the foundation of a great Dutch city. On niakmg a faithful report, therefore, to the crew of the Goede Vrouw, they one and all deter- mined that this was the destined end of their N'oyage. Accordingly they descended from the Goede Vrouw, men, women, and children, in goodly groups, as did the animals of yore from tlie iirk, and formed themselves into a thriving settlement, which they called by the Indimi name COMMUNIPAW. As all tlie world is doubtless perfectly ac- quainted with Communipaw, it may seem some- what superfluous to treat of it in the present work ; but my readers will please to recollect, notwithstanding it is my chief desire to satisfy the present age, yet I -wi'ite likewise for posterity, and have to consult the understanding and curi- osity of some half a score of centuries yet to come, by which time, perhaps, were it not for this invaluable history, tlie great Communipaw, like Babylon, Carthage, Nineveh, and other great cities, might be perfectly extinct, — sunk and for- gotten in its own mud, — its inhabitants turned into oysters,^ and even its situation a fertile sub- ject of learned controversy and hard-headed in- xestiij-ation amouij indefatio-able historians. Let ine tlien piously rescue from oblivion the humble lelics of a place, which was the egg from whence was hatched the mighty city of NeAV York ! Communipaw is at present but a small village, pUiasantly situated, among rui'al scenery, on that I Men b}- iuactiuii degenerate into oysters. — Kaimes. UCi HISTORY OF NEW YORK beauteous part of the Jersey shore which waa known in ancient legends by the name of Pa- vonia,^ and commands a grand prospect of the su- perb bay of New York. It is within but half an hour's sail of the latter place, provided you have a fair wind, and may be distinctly seen from the city. Nay, it is a well-knoAvn fact, which I can testify from my own experience, that on a clear, still summer evening, you may hear, from the Battery of New York, the obstreperous peals of broad-mouthed laughter of the Dutch negroes at Communipaw, who, like most other negroes, are famous for their risible powers. This is pecu- liarly the case on Simday evenings, when, it is remarked by an ingenious and observant philos- opher, who has made great discoveries in the neighborhood of this city, that they always laugh loudest, which he attributes to the circumstance of their having their holiday clothes on. These negroes, in fact, like the monks of the dark ages, engross all the knowledge of the place, and being infinitely more adventurous and more knowino: than their masters, caiTv on all the for- eign trade ; making frequent voyages to town in canoes loaded with oysters, buttermilk, and cab- bages. They are great astrologers, predicting the different changes of weather almost as accu- rately as an almanac; they are moreover exqui- site performers on three-stringed fiddles ; in whist- ling they almost boast the far-fiimed powers of Oj'pheus's lyre, for not a horse or an ox m the ' Pavonia, in tlie ancient maps, is given to a tract of coun- iry extundin'T iVoni tibont Iloboken to Amboy. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 117 place, when at the plough or before the wagon, will budge a foot until he hears the well-known whistle of his black driver and companion. — And from their amazing skill at casting up ac- counts upon then' fingers, they are regarded with as much veneration as were the disciples of Py- thagoras of yore, when initiated into the sacred quaternary of numbers. As to the honest burghers of Communipaw, like wise men and sound philosophers, they never look beyond their pipes, nor trouble their heads about any affairs out of their immediate neighborhood ; so that they live in profound and enviable igno- rance of all the troubles, anxieties, and revolu- tions of this distracted planet. I am even told that many among them do verily believe that Holland, of which they have heard so much from tradition, is situated somewhere on Long Island, — that Spiking-devil and the Narroivs are the two ends of the world, — that the country is still under the dominion of their High Mighti- nesses, — and that the city of New York still goes by the name of Nieuw Amsterdam. They meet every Saturday afternoon at the only tavern in the place, which bears as a sign a square-headed likeness of the Prince of Orange, where they smoke a silent pipe, by way of promoting social conviviality, and invariably drink a mug of cider to the success of Admiral Van Tromp, who they imagine is still sweepmg the British chamiel, with a broom at liis mast-head. Communipaw, in short, is one of the numerous little villages in the vicinity of this most beauti- 118 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, fill of cities, which are so many strongholds and fastnesses, whither the primitive manners of our Dutch forefathers have retreated, and where they are cherished with devout and scrupulous strict- ness. The dress of the original settlers is handed down inviolate, from father to son : tlie identical broad-brimmed hat, broad-skirted coat, and broad- bottomed breeches, continue from generation to generation ; and several gigantic knee-buckles of massy silver are still in wear, that made gallant display in the days of the patriarchs of Com- munipaw. The language like^vise continues un- adulterated by barbarous innovations ; and so critically correct is the village schoolmaster in his dialect, that his reading of a Low-Dutch psalm has much the same effect on the nerves as the filing of a handsaw. HISTORY OF VEW YORK. 119 CHAPTER in. IN WHICH IS SET FORTH THE TRUE ART OF MAKING A BARGAIN — TO- OETHER WITH THE MIRACULOUS ESCAPE OF A GREAT METROPOUS IN A FOG — AND THE BIOGRAPHY OF CERTAIN HEROES OF COMMUNIPAW. AYING, in the trifling digression wliich concluded the last chapter, discharged fzjQ the filial duty which the city of New York owed to Communipaw, as being the mother settlement, and having given a faithful picture of it as it stands at present, I return with a soothing sentiment of self-approbation, to dwell upon its early history. The crew of the Goede Vrouw being soon reinforced by fresh importa- tions from Holland, the settlement went jollily on, increasing in magnitude and prosperity. The neighboring Indians in a short time became ac- customed to the imcouth sound of the Dutch language, and an intercourse gradually took place between them and the new comers. The Indians were much given to long talks, and the Dutch to long silence ; — in this particular, therefore, they accommodated each other completely. The chiefs Avould make long speeches about the big bull, the Wabash, and the Great Spirit, to which the others would listen very attentively, smoke their pipes, and grunt yah, myn-her, — whereat the poor savages were wondrously delighted. 120 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Tliey instructed the new settlers in the best art of curing and smoking tobacco, while the latter in retiu-n, made tliem drunk with true Hollands — and then taught them the art of making bar- gnins. A brisk trade for furs was soon opened ; the Dutch traders Avere scrupulously honest in their dealings, and purchased by Aveight, establishing it as an invariable table of avoirdupois, that the hand of a Dutchman weighed one poiuid, and his foot two pounds. It is true, the simple Indians wei-e often puzzled by the gi-eat disproportion be- tween bidk and weight, for let them place a bmi- dle of furs, never so large, in one scale, and a Dutchman put his hand or foot in the other, the bundle was sure to kick the beam ; — never was a package of fiu's known to weigh more than two pounds in the market of Commuinpaw ! This is a singular fact, — but I have it direct from my great-great-grandfather, who had risen to considerable importance in the colony, being promoted to the office of weigh-master, on ac- count of the uncommon heaviness of his foot. The Dutch possessions in tliis part of the globe began now to assume a very thriving ap- pearance, and were comprehended under the gen- eral title of Nieuw Nederlandts, on account, as the sage Vander Donck observes, of their groat resemblance to the Dutch Netherlands, — which indeed was truly remarkable, excepting that the former were ru2:2:ed and mountainous, and the latter level and marsliy. About tliis time the tranquillity of the Dutcl ^>olonists was doomed HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 121 to suffer a temporary interruption. In 1614, Captain Sir Samuel Argal, sailing under a com- mission from Dale, governor of Virginia, visited the Dutch settlements on Hudson River, and demanded their submission to the English crown and Yirojinian dommion. To this arroorant de- mand, as they were in no condition to resist it, they submitted for the time, like discreet and reasonable men. "It does not appear that the valiant Argal molested the settlement of Communipaw ; on the contrary, I am told that when his vessel first hove in sight, the worthy burghers were seized with such a panic, that they fell to smoking their pipes with astonishing vehemence ; insomuch that they quickly raised a cloud, which, combining with the surrounding woods and marshes, com- pletely enveloped and concealed their beloved vil- lage, and overhung the fair regions of Pavonia, — so that the terrible Captain Argal passed on, totally imsuspicious that a sturdy little Dutch set- tlement lay snugly couched in the mud, under cover of all this pestilent vapor. Li commemo- ration of this fortunate escape, the worthy inhab- itants have continued to smoke, almost without intermission, unto this very day ; wliich is said to be the cause of the remarkable fog which often hangs over Communipaw of a clear after- noon. Upon the departure of the enemy, om* worthy ancestors took full six months to recover tlieir »vind and get over the consternation into wliich they had been tlu'o^vn. They then called a coun- 122 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. cil of safety to smoke over the state of the prov- ince. At this council presided one Oloffe Van Kortlandt, a personage who was held in great reverence among the sages of Communipaw for the variety and darkness of his knowledge. He had originally been one of a set of peripatetic philosophers who passed much of then' time sunning themselves on the side of the great canal of Amsterdam in Holland ; enjoying, like Diogenes, a free and unencumbered estate in sun- shine. His name Kortlandt (Shortland or Lack- land) was supposed, like that of the illustrious Jean Sansterre, to indicate that he had no land ; but he insisted, on the contrary, that he had great landed estates somewhere in Terra Incog- nita ; and he had come out to the new world to look after them. He was the first great land- speculator that we read of in these pai*ts. Like all land-speculators, he was much given to dreaming. Never did anything extraordinary hapnen at Communipaw but he declared that he had previously dreamt it, being one of those infallible prophets who predict events after they have come to pass. This supernatural gift was as highly valued among tlie burghers of Pavonia as among the enliglitened nations of antiquity. The wise Ulysses was more indebted to his sleep- ing than his wakinsi: moments for his most subtle achievements, and seldom undertook any great ex- ploit without first soundly sleeping upon it ; and the same may be said of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who was thence aptly denominated Oloffe the Dreamer. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 123 As yet his dreams and speculations had turned to little personal profit ; and he was as much a lack-land as ever. Still he carried a high head in the commmiity ; if his sugar-loaf hat was rather the worse for wear, he set it off ^vith a taller cock's-tail ; if liis shirt was none of the cleanest, he puffed it out the more at the bosom ; and if the tail of it peeped out of a hole in his breeches, it at least proved that it really had a tail and was not mere ruffle. The worthy Van Kortlandt, in the council in question, urged the policy of emerging from the swamps of Communipaw and seeking some more eligible site for the seat of empire. Such, he said, was the advice of the good St. Nicholas, who had appeared to him in a dream the night before ; and Avhom he had known by his broad hat, his long pipe, and the resemblance which he bore to the figure on the bow of the Groede Vrouw. Many have thought this dream was a mere invention of Oloffe Van Kortlandt, who, it is said, had ever regarded Communipaw with an evil eye because he had arrived there after all the land had been shared out, and who was anxious to change the seat of empire to some new place, where he might be present at the distribution of " town lots." But we must not give heed to such insinuations, which are too apt to be ad- vanced against those worthy gentlemen engaged h\ laying out toAvns, and in other land-specula- tions. For my own part, I am disposed to place the same implicit faith in the vision of Oloffe the Dreamer that was manifested by the honest burgh- 124 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ers of Commiinipaw, who one and all agreed that an expedition should be forthwith fitted out to go on a voyage of discovery in quest of a new seat of empire. This perilous enterprise was to be conducted by OlofFe himself; who chose as lieutenants or coadjutors Mynheers Abraham Hardenbroeck, Jacobus Van Zandt, and Winant Ten Broeck, — three indubitably great men, but of whose his- tory, although I have made diligent inquiry, I can learn but little previous to their leaving Holland. Nor need this occasion much surprise ; for adventurers, like prophets, though they make great noise abroad, have seldom much celebrity in their o\^ti countries ; but this much is cer- tain, that the overflowing's and offscourino-s of a country are invariably composed of the rich- est parts of the soil. And here I cannot help remarking how convenient it would be to many of our great men and great families of doubt- ful origin, could they have the privilege of the heroes of yore, who, whenever their origin was involved in obscurity, modestly announced them- selves descended from a god, — and Avho never visited a foreign country but what they told some cock-and-bull stories about their behif? kin^-s and princes at home. This venal trespass on the truth, though it has been occasionally played off by some pseudo-marquis, baronet, and other illus- trious foreigner, in our land of good-natured cre- dulity, has been completely discountenanced in this skeptical, matter-of-fact age ; and I even question whether any tender virgin, who was HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 125 accidentally and unaccountably enriched ^ivith ? bantling, would save her character at parlor fire- sides and evening tea-parties by ascribing the plienomenon to a swan, a shower of gold, or a river god. Had I the benefit of mythology and classic fable above alluded to, I should have furnished the first of the trio with a pedigree equal to that of the proudest hero of antiquity. His name, Van Zandt, that is to say, /ro/?* the sand, or, in common parlance, from the dirt, gave reason to suppose that, like Triptolemus, Themes, the Cy- clops, and the Titans, he had sprung from Dame Terra, or the earth ! This supposition is strongly corroborated by his size, for it is well known that all the progeny of mother earth were of a gigan- tic stature ; and Van Zandt, we are told, was a tall, raw-boned man, above six feet high, with an astonishingly hard head. Nor is this origin of the illustrious Van Zandt a whit more improb- able or repugnant to belief than wliat is related and universally admitted of certain of our great- est, or rather richest men ; who, we are told with the utmost gravity, did originally spring from a dunghill ! Of the second of the trio but faint accounts have reached to this time, which mention that lie was a sturdy, obstinate, Avorrying, bustling little man ; and, from being usually equipped in an old pair of buckskins, was familiarly dubbed Harden Broeck : that is to say. Hard in the Breech, or, as it was generally rendered, Tough Breeches. Ten Broeck coiiiplelcd this junto of adventur- 126 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ers. It is a singular but ludicrous fact, — which, were I not scrupulous in recording the whole truth, I should almost be tempted to pass over m silence as incompatible with the gravity and dig- nity of history, — that this Avorthy gentleman should likewise have been nicknamed from what in modern times is considered the most ignoljlc part of the dress. But in truth the small-clothes seems to have been a very dignified garment in the eyes of our venerated ancestors, in all prob- ability from its covering that part of the body which has been pronounced " the seat of honor." The name of Ten Broeck, or, as it was some- times spelled. Tin Broeck, has been indifferently translated mto Ten Breeches and Tin Breeches. Certain ele":ant and in2;enious wi'iters on the sub- ject declare ui favor of Tin^ or rather Thin Breeches ; whence they infer that the original -bearer of it was a poor but merry rogue, whose galligaskins were none of the soundest, and who, peradventure, may have been the author of that truly philosophical stanza : — " Then why should we quarrel for riches, Or any such glittering toys ; A light heart and ihinpaii- of breeches, Will go through the world, my brave boys !" The more accurate commentators, however, de- clare in favor of the other reading, and afhrm that the worthy in question was a burly, bulbous man, who, in sheer ostentation of his venerable pro- genitors, was the first to introduce into the settle- ment the ancient Dutch fashion of ten pair of breeches. niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 127 Such was the trio of coadjutors chosen hy OlofFe the Dreamer to accompany him in this voyage mto unknown realms ; as to the names of his crews, they have not been handed doww by history. Having, as I before observed, passed much of his life in the open air, among the peripatetic philosophers of Amsterdam, OlofFe had become familiar with the aspect of the heavens, and could as accurately determine when a storm was brewing or a squall rising, as a dutiful husband can foresee, from the brow of his spouse, when a tempest is gathering about his ears. Having pitched upon a time for his voyage when the skies appeared propitious, he exhorted all his crews to take a good night's rest, wind up their family affairs, and make their wills ; precautions taken by our forefathers even in after-times when they became more adventurous, and voyaged to Haverstraw, or Kaatskill, or Groodt Esopus, or any other far country, beyond the great wat-tv of the Tappaan Zee. 128 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER IV. HOW THE UEROES OP COMMUNIPAW VOYAGED TO HELL-OATE, AND OOW THEY WERE RECEIVEB THERE. ^^^^^ND now the rosy blush of mom began ^Sv^ to mantle in the east, and soon the ris- ^^^^M ing sun, emerging from amidst golden and purple clouds, shed his blithesome rays on the tin weathercocks of Communipaw. It was that delicious season of the year, when nature, breaking from the chilling thraldom of old win- ter, like a blooming damsel from the tyranny of a sordid old father, threw herself, blushing with ten thousand charms, into the arms of youtliful spring. Every tufted copse and blooming grove resounded with the notes of hymeneal love. The very insects, as they sipped the dew that gemmed the tender grass of the meadows, joined in the joyous epitlialamium, — the virgin bud timidly put forth its blushes, " the voice of the turtle was heard in the land," and the heart of man dis- solved awny in tenderness. Oh ! sweet Theoc- ritus ! had I tliine oaten reed, wlierewith thou erst did charm the gay Siciliiin plains ; — or, oh ! gen- tle Bion ! thy pastoral pipe, wherein the happy swains of the Lesbian isle so much delighted, tlien might I attempt to sing, in soft Bucolic or negligent Idyllium, tlie rural beauties of the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 129 aceiie ; — but having nothing, save this jaded goosequill, wherewith to Aving ray flight, I must fain resign all poetic disportings of the fancy, and pursue my narrative in humble prose ; com- forting myself with the hope, that, though it may not steal so sweetly upon the imagination of my reader, yet it may commend itself with virgin modesty to his better judgment, clothed in the chaste and simple garb of truth. No sooner did the first rays of cheerful Phoe- bus dart into the windows of Coramunipaw, than the little settlement was all in motion. Forth issued from his castle the sage Van Kortlandt, and seizino; a conch shell, blew a far resounding; blast, that soon summoned all his lusty followers. Then did they trudge resolutely down to the water-side, escorted by a multitude of relatives and friends, who all went down, as the common phrase expresses it, " to see them off." And this shows the antiquity of those long family proces- sions, often seen in our city, composed of all ages, sizes, and sexes, laden with bundles and band- boxes, escorting some bevy of country cousins, about to depart for home in a market-boat. The good OlofFe bestowed his forces in a squadron of three canoes, and hoisted his flag on board a little round Dutch boat, shaped not unlike a tub, which had formerly been the jolly-boat of the Goede Vi'ouw. And now, all being embarked, they bade farewell to the gaz- ing throng upon the beach, who continued shout- ing after them, even when out of hearing, wish- ing them a happy voyage, advising them to take 9 130 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. good care of themselves not to get drowiied, — - with an abundance other of those sage and inval- uable cautions, generally given by landsmen to such as go down to the sea in ships, and adviju- ture upon the deep waters. In the meanwhile the voyagers cheerily urged their course across the crystal bosom of the bay, and soon left be- hind them the green shores of ancient Pavonia. And first they touched at two small islands which lay nearly opposite Communipaw, and which are said to have been brought into exist- ence about the time of the great irruption of the Hudson, when it broke throu2;h the Hi2;hlands and inade its way to the ocean.^ For in this tremendous uproar of the waters, we are told that many huge fragments of rock and land were rent from the mountains and swept down by this runaway river, for sixty or seventy miles ; where some of them ran aground on the shoals just opposite Communipaw, and formed the iden- tical islands in question, while others di'ifted out to sea, and were never heard of more ! A suffi- cient proof of the fact is, that the rock which forms the bases of these islands is exactly sim- 1 It is a matter long since established by certain of our philosopliers, — tliat is to say, having been oiten advanced, and never contradicted, it has grown to be pretty nigh eqnal to a settled fact, — that the Hudson was originally a lake dammed up by the mountains of the Highlands. In process of timo, however, becoming very mighty and obstreperous, and the mountains waxing pursy, dropsical, and weak in the back, by reason of their extreme old age, it suddenly rose upon them, and after a violent struggle etfected its escape. This is said to have come to pass in very ivmote time, probably before (hat rivers had lost the art of running uphill. 'I'he foreg:»ing is a theory in which I do not |)reteud to be skilled, notwitJ- RtaniliiiLL' that I do fullv li'ive it mv belief. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 131 ilar to that of the Highlands, and, moreover, one 3f our philosophers, who has diligently compared the agi'eement of their respective surfaces, has even gone so far as to assure me, in confidence, (hat Gibbet Island was originally nothing moro nor less than a wart on Anthony's nose.^ Leaving these wonderful little isles, they next coasted by Governor's Island, since terrible from its frowning fortress and grinning btitteries. They would by no means, however, land upon this island, since they doubted much it might be the abode of demons and spirits, which in those days did greatly abound throughout this savage and pagan country. Just at tliis time a shoal of jolly porpoises came rolling and tumbling by, turning up their sleek sides to the sun, and spouting up the briny element in sparklhig showers. No sooner did the sage OlofFe mark this than he was gi'eatly re- joiced. " This," exclaimed he, " if I mistake not, augurs well : the porpoise is a fat, well- conditioned fish, — a burgomaster among fishes, — • I lis looks betoken ease, plenty, and prosperity ; I greatly admire this round fat fish, and doubt not but this is a happy omen of the success of our undertiiking." So saying, he directed his squad- ron to steer in the track of these alderman fishes. Turning, therefore, directly to the left, they iwept up the strait vidgarly called the East ili\er. And here the rapid tide which coursea through this strait, seizing on tlie gallant tub in tvhiclt Commodore Van Kortlandt had embarked 1 A promontory in the llighlanih. 132 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. hurried it forward with a velocity unparalleled lis a Dutch boat, navigated by Dutchmen ; insomuch that the good commodore, who had all his life- long been accustomed only to the drowsy naviga- tion of canals, was more than ever convuiced that they were in the hands of some supernatural power, and that the jolly porpoises were toAving them to some fair haven that was to fulfil all their wishes and expectations. Thus borne away by the resistless current, they doubled that boisterous point of land since called Corlear's Hook,^ and leaving to the right tlie ricli winding cove of the Wallabout, they drifted into a magnificent expanse of water, sm'- rounded by pleasant shores, whose verdure was exceedingly refreshing to the eye. While the voyagers were looking around them, on what they conceived to be a serene and sunny lake, they Ijeheld at a distance a crew of painted sav- ages, busily employed in fishing, who seemed more like the genii of this romantic region, — their slender canoe lightly balanced like a feather on the undulating surface of the bay. At sight of these the hearts of the heroes of Communipaw were not a little troubled. But as good-fbrtuiie would have it, at the bow of the conunodore's boat was stationed a very valiant man, named Hendrick Kip (which, being inter- preted, means chicken, a name given him in token of his courage). No sooner did he behold these varlet hcatlu-ns than he trembled with ex- cessive valoi', and altliough a good half-mile dis* ' I'mptTly spi.lt honk (i. e. ii point of land). HISTORY OF NEW 1 OEK. 133 taiit, he seized a musketoon that lay at hand, and turnujg away his head, fired it most intrepidly in the face of the blessed sun. The blundering weapon recoiled and gave the valiant Kip an ignominious kick, which laid him prostrate with uplifted heels in the bottom of the boat. But such was the effect of this tremendous fire, that the wild men of the woods, struck with conster- nation, seized hastily upon theii* paddles, and shot away into one of the deep inlets of the Long Island shore. This signal victory gave new spirits to the voyagers ; and in honor of the achievement they gave the name of the valiant Kip to the sur- rounding bay, and it has continued to be called Kip's Bay from that time to the present. The heart of the good Van Kortlandt — who, having no land of his own, was a great admirer of other people's — expanded to the full size of a pepper- corn at the sumptuous prospect of rich unsettled country around him, and falluig into a delicious revery, he straightway began to riot in the pos- session of vast meadows of salt marsh and inter- minable patches of cabbages. From this delec- table vision he was all at once awakened by the sudden turning of the tide, which would soon have hurried him from this land of promise, had not the discreet navigator given signal to steer for shore ; where they accordingly landed hard by the rocky heights of Bellevue, — that happy retreat, where our jolly aldermen eat for the good of the city, and fatten the turtle that are sacriiiced on civic solemnities. 134 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Here, seated on the gi'eensward, by the side of a small stream that ran sparkling among the grass, they refreshed themselves after the toils of the seas, by feasting lustily on the ample stores which they had provided for this perilous voy age. Thus having well fortified their delibera- tive powers, they fell into an earnest consultation, what was farther to be done. This was the first council-dinner ever eaten at Bellevue by Chris- tian burghers ; and here, as tradition relates, did originate the great family feud between the Har- denbroecks and the Tenbroecks, which after- wards had a singular influence on the building of the city. The sturdy Hardenbroeck, whose eyes had been wondrously delighted with the salt marshes which spread their reeking bosoms along the coast, at the bottom of Kip's Bay, coun- selled by all means to return thither, and found the intended city. This was strenuously opposed by the unbending Ten Broeck, and many testy arguments passed between them. The particu- lars of this controversy have not reached us, which is ever to be lamented ; this much is cer- tain, that the sage OlofFe put an end to the dispute by determining to explore still farther in the route which the mysterious porpoises had &D clearly pointed out ; — whereupon the sturdy Tough Breeches abandoned the expedition, took possession of a neighboring hill, and in a fit of great wrath peopled all that tract of country, which has continued to be inhabited by the Har- denbroecks unto this very day. By tliis time the jolly Phoebus, like some wan- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 135 ton urcliiu sporting on the side of a green hill began to roll down the declivity of the heavens ; and now, the tide having once more turned in their favor, the Pavonians again committed them selves to its discretion, and coastino- alono; the western shores, were borne towards the straits of Blackwell's Island. And here the capricious wanderings of the current occasioned not a little marvel and per- plexity to these illustrious mariners. Now would they be caught by the wanton eddies, and, sweeping round a jutting point, Avould w^ind deep into some romantic little cove, that indented the fair island of Manna hatta ; now were they hur- ried narrowly by the very bases of impending rocks, mantled with the flaunting grape-vine, and crowned Avith groves which threw a broad shade on the waves beneath ; and anon they were borne away into the mid-channel and wafted along with a rapidity that very much discomposed the sage Van Kortlandt, who, as he saw the land swiftly receding on either side, began exceedingly to doubt that terra Jirma was giving them the slip. Wherever the voyagers turned their eyes, a new creation seemed to bloom around. No signs of human thrift appeared to check the delicious wildness of nature, who here revelled in all her luxuriant variety. Those hills, now bristled, like the fretful porcupine, Avith rows of poplars, (vain upstart plants ! minions of wealth and fasliion !) were then adorned Avith the vio-orous natives of 'he soil : the lordly oak, the generous chestnut., 136 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. the graceful elm, — Avhile here and there the tuh'p-tree reared its majestic head, the giant of the forest. Where now are seen the gay re- treats of luxury, — villas half buried in twilight bowers, whence the amorous flute oft ])reatljes the sighings of some city swain, — there the hsli- liawk built his solitary nest on some dry tree that overlooked his watery domain. The timid deer fed undisturbed along those sliores now hallowed by the lovers' raooidight w^alk, and printed by the slender foot of beauty; and a savage solitude extended over those happy re- gions, where now are reared the stately towers of the Joneses, the Schermerhornes, and the Rhinelanders. Thus gliding in silent wonder through these new and miknown scenes, the gallant squadron of Pavonia swept by the foot of a promontory, which strutted forth boldly into the waves, and seemed to frown upon them as they brawled against its base. This is the bluff well known to modern mariners by the name of Gracie's Point, from the fair castle which, like an elepliant, it carries upon its back. And here broke upon their view a wild and varied prospect, where land and water were beauteously intermingled, as though they had combined to heighten and set off each other's charms. To the right lay the sedgy point of Blackwell's Island, drest in the fresh garniture of living green, — beyond it stretched the pleasant coast of Sundswick, and the small harbor well known by the name of Halle t's Cove, — a place infamous in latter days, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 137 by reason of its being the haunt of pirates who infest these seas, robbing orchards and water « melon patches, and insulting gentlemen naviga- tors, when voyaging in their pleasure-boats. To the left a deep bay, or rather creek, gracefully receded between shores fringed with forests, and forming a kind of vista, through which were be- held the silvan regions of Haerlem, Morrisania, and East Chester. Here the eye reposed with delight on a richly wooded country, diversified by tufted knolls, shadowy intervals, and wavmg lines of upland, swelling above each other, while over the whole the pm-ple mists of spring dif- fused a hue of soft voluptuousness. Just before them the grand course of the stream, making a sudden bend, wound among embowered promontories and shores of emerald verdure, that seemed to melt into the wave. A character of gentleness and mild fertiUty pre- vailed around. The sun had just descended, and the thin haze of twilight, like a transparent veil drawn over the bosom of virgin beauty, height- ened the charms which it half concealed. Ah ! witching scenes of foul delusion. Ah ! hapless voyagers, gazing with simple wonder on these Circean shores ! Such, alas ! are they, poor easy souls, who listen to the seductions of a wicked world, — treacherous are its smiles ! fatal its caresses. He who yields to its enticements lamiches upon a whelming tide, and trusts his feeble bark among the dimpling eddies of a whirlpool ! And thus it fared Avith the worthies of Pavonia, who, little mistrusting the guileful 138 BISTORY OF NEW YORK. scene before them, drifted quietly on, until they were aroused by an uncommon tossing and agita- tion of their vessels. For now the late dimpling current began to brawl around them, and the waves to boil and foam Avith horrific fury. Awakened as if from a dream, the astonished Oloffe bawled aloud to put about, but his words were lost amid the roaring of the waters. And now ensued a scene of direful consternation. At one time they were borne with dreadful velocity among tumultuous breakers ; at another, hurried doT^ai boisterous rapids. Now they were nearly dashed upon the Hen and Chickens ; (infamous rocks ! — moi'e voracious than Scylla and her whelpg ;) and anon they seemed sinking into yaAvning gulfs, that threatened to entomb them beneatli the waves. All the elements combined to produce a hideous confusion. The waters raged, the winds howled ; and as they were hurried alon^ , several of the astonished mariners beheld the rocks and trees of the neighboring shores driving through the air ! At length the mighty tub of Commodore Van Kortlandt wan draAvn into the vortex of that tre- mendous whii'lpool called the Pot, where it was whirled about in giddy mazes, until the senses of the good commander and his crew were over- powered by the horror of the scene, and the Btrangeness of the revolution. How the gallant squadron of Pavonia was snatched from tlie jaws of this modern Charyb- \is, has never been truly made knoAvn, for so oany survived to tell the tale, and, what is stiU HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 139 more wonderful, told it in so many diiFerent ways, that tliere has ever prevailed a great variety of opinions on the subject. As to the commodore and his crew, when the}- came to their senses, they found themselves stranded on the Long Island shore. The worth}- commodore, indeed, used to relate many and wonderful stories of his adventures in this time of peril : how that he saw spectres flying in the air, and heard the yelling of hobgobHns, and put his hand into the pot when they Avere whirled round, and fomid the water scalding hot, and be- held several uncouth-lookin"; beino-s seated on rocks and skinmiing it A^dth huge ladles ; but particularly he declared with great exultation, that he saw the losel porpoises, which had be- trayed them into tliis peril, some broiling on the Gridiron, and others hissing on the Frying-pan ! These, however, were considered by many as mere fantasies of the commodore, while he lay in a trance ; especially as he was known to be given to dreaming ; and the truth of them has never been clearly ascertained. It is certain, however, that to the accounts of OlofFe and his followers may be traced the various traditions handed down of this marvellous strait : as how the devil has been seen there, sitting astride of the Hog's Back and playing on the fiddle, — how he broils fish there before a storm ; and many other stories in which we must be cau- tious of putting too much faith. Li consequence of all these terrific circumstances, the Pavonian eommander gave this^pass the name of Helle-^aU 140 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. or, as it has been interpreted, Hell- Gate ; ^ which it continues to bear at the present day. 1 This is a narrow strait in the Sound, at the distance of six miles above New York. It is dangerous to shipping, unless under the care of skilful pilots, by rea>:on of numerous; rocks, shelves, and whirlpools. These Iiave received sundry appel- lations, such as the Gridiron, Frj-ing-pan, Hog's Back, Pot, &c., and are very violent and turbulent at certain times of tide. Certain mealy-mouthed men, of squeamish consciences, who are loth to give the Devil his due, have softened the above characteristic name into Burl-gate, forsooth! Let those take care how tliey venture into the Gate, or they may be hurled into the Pot before they are aware of it. The name of this strait, as given by our author, is supported by the map in Vander Donck's historv, published in 1656, — by Ogilvie's History of America, 1671, — as also b}' a journal still extant, written in the 16th century, and to be found in Hazard's State Papers. And an old MS. written in French, speaking of va- rious alterations in names about this city, observes, "DeZTeZte- gat, trou d'Eufer, ils ont fait Hell-gate, Porte d'Enfer." BIST OR y OF NEW YORK. 141 CHAPTER V. aCW THE HEROES OP COMMDNIPAW RETURNED SOMEWHAT WISER THAS THKT WENT — AND HOW THE SAGE OLOFFE DREAMED A DREAM — AND THE DREAM THAT HE DREAMED HPj darkness of night had closed upon tliis disastrous day, and a doleful night was it to the shipwrecked Pavonians, whose ears were incessantly assailed with the raeino; 'of the elements, and the hoAvlLno; of the hobgoblins that infested this perfidious strait. But when the moniing dawned, the horrors of the preceding evening had passed away ; rapids, breakers, and whirlpools had disappeared ; the stream again ran smooth and dimpling, and having changed its tide, rolled gently back, to- wards the quarter where lay their much-regret- ted home. The woe-begone heroes of Communipaw eyed each other with rueful countenances ; their squad- ron had been totally dispersed by the late disas- ter. Some were cast upon the western shore, where, headed by one Puleff Hopper, they took possession of all the country lying about the six- mile stone ; which is held by tlie Hoppers at this present writing. The Waldrons were dinven by stress of n^eather to a distant coast, where, havuig with 112 HISTORY OF NEW rOJiK. them a jug of genuine Hollands, they were enabled to conciliate the savages, setting up a kind of tavern ; whence, it is said, did spring the fair town of Haerlem, in wdiich their descendants have ever since continued to be reputable publi- cans. As to the Suydams, they were thrc^vn upon the Long Island coast, and may still be foimd in those parts. But the most singular luck attended the great Ten Broeck, who, falling overboard, Avas miraculously preserved from smk- mg by the multitude of his nether garments. Thus buoyed up, he floated on the Avaves like a merman, or like an angler's dobber, until he landed safely on a rock, where lie Avas found the next morning, busily drying his many breeches in the sunshine. I forbear to treat of the long consultation of OlofFe with his remaining follower*, in Avhich they determined that it Avould never Cc tc ^.■?jid a city in so diabolical a neighborhood, buifice it in simple brevity to say, that they once more committed themselves, with fear and trembling, to the briny elements, and steered their course back again through the scenes of their yester- day's voyage, determined no longer to roam in search of distant sites, but to settle themselves down in the marshy regions of Pavonia. Scarce, howevei", had they gained a distant view of Communipaw, when they Avere encoun- tered by an obstinate eddy, which opposed their homeward voyage. Weary and dispirited as they Wore, they yet tugged a feeble oor aganist tlie stream ; until, as if to settle the strife. I«alf 'i HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 143 score of potent billows rolled the tub of Com- modore Van Kortlandt high and dry on the long point of an island which divided the bosom of the bay. Some pretend that these billows were sent l»y old Neptune to strand the expedition on a spot whereon was to be founded his stronghold in this western world ; others, more pious, attribute everything to the guardianship of the good St. Nicholas ; and after-events will be found to cor- roborate this opinion. OlofFe Van Kortlandt was a devout trencherman. Every repast was a kind of religious rite with him ; and his first thought on finduig him once more on dry ground, was, how he should contrive to celebrate his wonderful escape from Hell-gate and all its horrors by a solenni banquet. The stores wliich had been provided for the voyage by the good housewives of Communipaw were nearly exhausted, but, in casting his eyes about, the commodore beheld that the shore abounded mth oysters. A great store of these was instantly collected ; a fire was made at the foot of a tree ; all hands fell to roasting and broiling and stewing and fiying, and a sumptuous repast was soon set forth. This is thouo;ht to be the orio-in of those civic feasts with which, to the present day, all our public affau-s are celebrated, and in which the oyster ia ever sure to play an important part. On the present occasion, the worthy Van Kortlandt was observed to be particularly zeal- ous in his devotions to tlie trencher ; for having the cares of the exped-'iion especially committed 144 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. to his care, lie deemed it incumbent on him to eat profoundly for the public good. In propor- tion as he filled himself to the very brim with the dainty viands before him, did the heai t of tliis excellent burgher rise up towards his throat, uutil he seemed crammed and almost cboked with good eating and good-nature. And at such times it is, when a man's heart is in his throat, that he may more truly be said to speak from it, and his speeches abound with kindness and good fellowship. Thus having swallowed the last pos- sible morsel, and washed it down with a fervent potation, Oloffe felt his heart yearning, and his whole frame in a manner dilating with unbounded benevolence. Everything around him seemed excellent and delightful ; and laying his hands on each side of his capacious periphery, and roll- ing his half-closed eyes around on the beautiful diversity of land and water before him, he ex- claimed, in a fat half-smothered voice, "What a charming prospect ! " The words died away in his throat, — he seemed to ponder on the fair scene for a moment, — his eyelids heavily closed over their orbs, — his head drooped upon his bosom, — he slowly sank upon the green turf, and a deep sleep stole gradually over him. And the sage Oloffe dreamed a dream, — and U), the good St. Nicholas came riding over the tops of the trees, in that self-same wagon wherein he brings his yearly presents to cliildren, and he descended liard by where the heroes of Commu- nipaw had made their late repast. And he lit his pipe by the (ire, and sat himself down and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 145 smoked ; and as he smoked, the smoke from his pipe ascended mto the air and spread like a cloud overhead. And OlofFe bethought him, and he liastened and climbed up to the top of one of tlie tallest trees, and saw that the smoke spread over a great extent of country ; and as he con- sidered it more attentively, he fancied that the great volume of smoke assumed a variety of marvellous forms, where in dim obscurity he saw shadowed out palaces and domes and lofty spires, all of which lasted but a moment, and then faded away, until the whole rolled off, and nothing but the green woods were left. And when St. Nich- olas had smoked his pipe, he twisted it m his hat- band, and laying his finger beside his nose, gave the astonished Van Kortlandt a very significant look ; then, mounting his wagon, he returned over the tree-tops and disappeared. And Van Kortlandt awoke fi'om his sleep greatly uistructed ; and he aroused his companions and related to them his dream, and interpreted it, that it was the will of St. Nicholas that they should settle down and build the city here ; and that the smoke of the pipe was a type how vast would be the extent of the city, inasmuch as the volumes of its smoke would spread over a wide extent of country. And they all "with one voice assented to this interpretation, excepting Mynheer Ten Broeck, who declared the meaning to be that it would be a city wherein a little fire would occasion a great smoke, or, in other words, a very vaporing little city ; — both which inter- pretations have strangely come to pass ! 10 146 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. The great object of their perilous expedition, therefore, being thus happily accomplished, the voyagers returned merrily to Communipaw, — where they were received with great rejoicings. And here, calling a general meeting of all the wise men and the dignitaries of Pavonia, the} related the whole history of their voyage, and of the dream of OlofFe Van Koi-tlandt. And the people lifted up tlieir voices and blessed the good St. Nicholas ; and from that time forth the sage Van Kortlandt was held in more honor than ever, for his great talent at dreaming, and was pronounced a most useful citizen and a right giK)d man — when he was asleep. EISTOMY OF N£W YORK. MP CHAPTER VI. OOJITAININQ AN ATTEiWPT AT ETTMOLOGT — AND OF THE FOUNDINO Of THE GREAT CITY OP NEW AMSTERDAM. 'HE original name of the island, where on the squadron of Conimunipaw was thus propitiously thrown, is a matter of some dispute, and has already undergone consid- erable vitiation, — a melancholy proof of the in- stabiUty of all sublunary things, and the vanity of all our hopes of lasting fame ; for who can expect his name will live to posterity, when even the names of mighty islands are thus soon lost in contradiction and uncertainty ! The name most current at the present day, and which is likewise countenanced by the great historian Vander Donck, is INIanhattan ; which is said to have originated in a custor^ among the squaws, in the early settlement, of wearing men's hats, as is still done among many tribes. " Hence," as we are told by an old governor who was somewhat of a wag, and flourished almost a century smce, and had paid a visit to the wits of Pliiladelphia, — " hence arose the appellation of man-hat-on, first given to the Indians, and after- vrards to the island," — a stupid joke ! but welJ enough for a governor. 14S HISTORY OF NEW YOJiK. Among the more venerable sources of infor- mation on this subject is that valuable history of the American possessions, written by Master Richard Blome, in 1687, wherein it is called Manhadaes and Manahanent ; nor must I forget the excellent little book, full of precious matter of that authentic historian John Josselyn, Gent._ who expressly calls it Manadaes. Another etymology, still more ancient, and sanctioned by the countenance of our ever-to-be- lamented Dutch ancestors, is that found m certain letters still extant,^ which passed between the early governors • and their neighboring powers, wherem it is called indifferently Monhattoes, Munhatos, and Manhattoes, which are evidently unimportant variations of the same name ; for our wise forefathers set little store by those nice- ties either in orthography or orthoepy, which form the sole study and ambition of many learned men and women of this hypercritical age. This last name is said to be derived from the great Indian spirit Manetho, who was supposed to make this island his favorite abode, on account of its uncommon delights. For the Indian tra- ditions affirm that the bay was once a translucid lake, filled with silver and golden fish, in the midst of which lay this beautiful island, covered with every variety of fruits and flowers ; but that the sudden irruption of the Hudson laid waste these blissful scenes, and Manetho took his flight beyond the great watei*s of Ontario. These, however, are very fiibulous legends, to 1 Vide Hazard's Col. Stat. Pap. HIST GUY OF NEW YORK. 149 which very cautious credence must be given; and though I am willing to admit the last-quoted orthography of the name as very fit for prose, yet is^ there another which I peculiarly delight in, as at once poetical, melodious, and significant, and which we have on the authority of mastei Juet ; who, in his account of the voyage of tho great Hudson, calls this Manna-hata, that is to say, the island of manna, or, in other words, a land flowing with milk and honey. Still, my deference to the learned obliges me to notice the opinion of the worthy Dominie Heckwelder, whicli ascribes the name to a great drunken bout held on the island by the Dutch discoverers, wliereat they mav:th great state and solemnity. He sat in a huge chair of solid oak, hcAvn in the celebrated forest of the Hague, fabricated by an experienced timmerman of Am- sterdam, and curiously carved about the arms and feet, into exact imitations of gigantic eagle's claws. Instead of a sceptre, he swayed a long Turkish pipe, v/rought with jasmin and amber, which had been presented to a stadtholder of Holland at the conclusion of a treaty with one of the petty Barbary powers. In this stately 176 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. chair would he sit, and this tnagnificent pipe would he smoke, shaking his right knee with a constant motion, and fixing his eye for hours to- gether upon a little print of Amsterdam, which hung in a black frame against the opposite wall of the council-chamber. Nay, it has even been said, that when any deliberation of extraordinary length and intricacy was on the carpet, the renowned Wouter would shut his eyes for full two hours at a time, that he might not be disturbed by exter- nal objects ; and at such times the internal com- motion of his mind was evinced by certain regular guttural sounds, which his admirers declared were merely the noise of conflict, made by liis contend- ing doubts and opinions. It is with infinite difficulty 1 liave been enabled to collect these biographical anecdotes of the gi'eat man under consideration. The facts respecting him were so scattered and vague, and divers of them so questionable in point of authenticity, that I have had to give up the search after many, and decline the admission of still more, which would have tended to heighten the coloring of his portrait. I have been the more anxious to delineate fully the person and habits of Wouter Van Twil- ler, from the consideration that he was not only the first, but also the best governor that ever pre- (iided over this ancient and respectable province ; and so tranquil and benevolent was his reign, that T do not find throughout the whole of it a sinojle instance of any offender being brought to punish- ment, — a most indubitable sign of a merciful gov- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 177 eriior, and a case unparalleled, excepting in the reign of the illustrious King Log, from whom, it is hinted, the renowned Van Twiller was a lineal descendant. Tiie very outset of the career of this excellent magistrate was distinguished by an example of legal acumen, that gave flattering presage of a >vise and equitable administration. The morning after he had been installed in office, and at the moment that he was making his breakfast from a prodigious earthen dish, filled with milk and In- dian pudding, he was interrupted by the appear- ance of Wandle Schoonhoven, a very important old burgher of New Amsterdam, who complained bitterly of one Barent Bleecker, inasmuch as he refused to come to a settlement of accounts, see- ing that there was a heavy balance in favor of the said Wandle. Governor Van Twiller, as I have already observed, was a man of few words ; he was likewise a mortal enemy to multiplying writino-s — or beinu; disturbed at his breakfast. Having listened attentively to the statement of Wandle Schoonhoven, giving an occasional grunt, as he shovelled a spoonful of Indian pudding into his mouth, — either as a sign that he rel- ished the dish, or comprehended the story, — he called unto him his constable, and pulling out of liis breeches-pocket a huge jack-knife, dispatched it after the defendant as a summons, accompanied by his tobacco-box as a warrant. This summary process was as effectual in those simple days as was the seal-ring of the great Ha- roun Alraschid among the true believers. The 12 178 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. two parties being confronted before him, each produced a book of accounts, written in a lan- guage and chai'acter that would have puzzled any but a High-Duich commentator, or a learned deci- pherer of Egyptian obelisks. The sage Wouter took them one after the other, and having poised them in his hands, and attentively counted over the number of leaves, fell straightway into a very great doubt, and smoked for half an hour without saying a word ; at length, laying liis finger beside tis nose, and shutting his eyes for a moment, with the air of a man who has just caught a subtle idea by the tail, he slowly took his pipe from his mouth, puffed forth a column of tobacco- smoke, and with marvellous gravity and solem- nity pronounced, that, having carefully counted over the leaves and weighed the books, it was found, that one was just as thick and as heavy as the other : therefore, it was the final opinion of the court that the accounts were equally bal- anced : therefore, Wandle should give Barent a receipt, and Barent should give Wandle a receipt, and the constable should pay the costs. This decision, being straightway made known, diffused general joy throughout New Amsterdam, for the people immediately perceived that they had a very wise and equitable magistrate to rule over them. But its happiest effect was, that not another lawsuit took place throughout the whole of his administration ; and the office of constable fell into such decay, that tliere was not one of those losel scouts known in tlie province for many years. T am tlie more particular in dwelling HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 179 on this transaction, not only because I deem it one ol* the most sage and righteous judgments on record, and well worthy the attention of mod- i!ni magistrates, but because it was a miracu- lous event in the history of the renowned Wouter, — being the only time he was ever known to {H)ine to a decision in the whole course of his lifii. 180 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER II. 90NTAINING SOME ACCOUNT OP THE GRAND CODNCII, OF NEW AMSTKB DAM, AS ALSO DIVERS ESPECIAL GOOD PHILOSOPHICAL REASONS WHl AN ALDERMAN SHODLD BE FAT — WITH OTHER PARTICULARS TOUCH- ING TUB STATE OF THE PROVINCE. N treating of the early governors of the province, I must caution my readers against confounding them, in point of dignity and power, with those worthy gentlemen who are whimsically denominated governors in this enlightened republic, — a set of unhappy victims of popularity, who are, in fact, the most dependent, lien-pecked beings in the community ; doomed to bear the secret goadings and correc- tions of tlieir own party, and the sneers and re- vi lings of the whole world beside ; set up, like geese at Chiistmas holidays, to be pelted and shot at by every whipster and vagabond in the land. On the coiitraiy, the Dutch governors en- joyed tliat uncontrolled authority vested in all commandei's of distant colonies or territoricjs. They were, in a manner, absolute despots in their little domains, lording it, if so disposed, over both law and gospel, and accountable to none but the mother-country ; which it is well knoAvn is astonishingly deaf to all complaints against its governors, provided they discharge the main duty of their slation — squeezing out a good HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 181 pevenue. This hint will be of importance, to pre- vent my readers from being seized with doubt and incredulity, whenever, in the course of this authentic history, they encounter the uncommon circumstance of a governor acting with indepen- dence, and in opposition to the opinions of the multitude. To assist the doubtful "Wouter in the arduous business of legislation, a board of magistrates \^'as appointed, which presided immediately over the police. This potent body consisted of a schout or bailiff, with powers between those of the present mayor and sheriff; five burgermees- ters, who were equivalent to aldermen ; and five schepens, who officiated as scrubs, subdevils, or bottle-holders tx) the burgermeesters, in the same manner as do assistant aldermen to their princi- pals at the present day, — it being then- duty to fill the pipes of the lordly burgermeesters, hunt the markets for delicacies for corporation din- ners, and to discharge such other little offices of kindness as were occasionally required. It was, moreover, tacitly miderstood, though not specifi- cally enjoined, that they should consider them- selves as butts for the blunt wits of the burger- meesters, and should laugh most heartily at all their jokes ; but this last was a duty as rarely called in action in those days as it is at pres- ent, and was shortly remitted, in consequence of the tragical death of a fat little schepen, who actually died of suffocation in an unsuccessful effort to force a laugh at one of burgermeester Van Zandt's best jokes. 182 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. In return for these humble services, they were permitted to say yes and no at the council-board, and to have that enviable privilege, the run of the public kitchen, — being graciously permitted to eat, and drink, and smoke, at all those snug junketings and public gormandizings for which the ancient magistrates were equally famous with tlieir modern successors. The post of schepen, therefore, like that of assistant alderman, was eagerly coveted by all your burghers of a certain description, who have a huge relish for good feeding, and an humble ambition to be great men in a small way, — who thirst after a little brief authority, that shall render them the terror of the alms-house and the bridewell, — that shall enable them to lord it over obsequious poverty, vagrant vice, outcast prostitution, and hunger-driven dis- honesty, — that shall give to their beck a hound- like pack of catchpolls and bumbailiffs — tenfold greater rogues than the culprits they hunt down ! My readers will excuse tliis sudden warmth, which I confess is unbecoming of a grave historian, — but I have a mortal antipathy to catchpolls, bum- bailiffs, and little-great men. The ancient magistrates of this city corre- sponded with those of the present time no less in form, magnitude, and intellect, than in preroga- tive and privilege. The burgomasters, like our aldermen, were generally chosen by weight, — and not only the weight of the body, but like- wise the weight of the head. It is a maxim practically observed in all honest, plain-thinking, legular cities, that an alderman should be fat, — HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 183 and the wisdom of this can be proved to a cer- tainty. That the body is in some measure an image of the mind, or rather that the mind is moulded to the body, like melted lead to the clay in which it is cast, has been insisted on by many philosophers, who have made human nature their peculiar study ; for, as a learned gentleman of our own city observes, " there is a constant re- lation between the moral character of all intelli- gent creatures and their physical constitution, between their habits and the structure of their bodies." Thus we see that a lean, spare, dimin- utive body is generally accompanied by a petu- lant, restless, meddling mind : either the mind wears down the body, by its continual motion, or else the body, not affording the mind sufficient house-room, keeps it continually in a state of fretfulness, tossing and worrying about from the uneasiness of its situation. Wliereas your round, sleek, fat, unwieldy periphery is ever attended by a mind like itself, tranquil, torpid, and at ease ; and we may always observe, that your well-fed, robustious burghers are in general very tenacious of their ease and comfort, being great enemies to noise, discord, and disturbance, — and surely none are more likely to study the public tranquil- lity than those who are so careful of their own. Who ever hears of fat men heading a riot, or herding together in turbulent mobs ? — no — no ; 't is your lean, hungry men who are continu- ifilly worrying society, and setting the whole com- munity by the ears. The divine Plato, whose doctrines are not suf« 184 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ficieiitly attended to by philosophers of the pres- ent age, allows to every man three souls : one, immortal and rational, seated in the brain, that it may overlook and regulate the body ; a second, consisting of the surly and irascible passions which, like belligerent powers, lie encamped around the heart ; a third, mortal and sensual, destitute of re'ason, gross and brutal in its pro- pensities, and enchained in the belly, that it may not disturb the divine soid by its ravenous bowl- ings. Now, according to this excellent theory, what can be more clear than that your fat alder- man is most likely to have the most regular and well-conditioned mind. His head is like a huge spherical chamber, containmg a prodigious mass of soft brains, whereon the rational soul lies softly and snugly couched, as on a feather-bed ; and the eyes, which are the windows of the bed- chamber, are usually half closed, that its slum- berings may not be disturbed by external objects. A mind thus comfortably lodged, and protected from disturbance, is manifestly most likely to perform its functions with regularity and ease. By dint of good feeding, moreover, the mortal and malignant soul, which is confined in the belly, and which, by its i*aging and roaring, puts the irritable soul in the neighborhood of the heart in an intol- erable passion, and thus renders men crusty and quarrelsome when hungry, is completely pacllied, silenced, and put to rest, — whereupon a host of honest, good - fellow qualities and kind - hearted affections, which had lain perdue, slyly peeping out of the loop-holes of the heart, finding Uiia HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 186 Cerberus asleep, do pluck up their spirits, turn out one and all in their holiday suits, and gambol up and do^vn the diaphragm, — disposing their possessor to laughter, good-humor, and a thou- sand friendly offices towards his fellow-mortals. As a board of magistrates, formed on this prin- ciple, think but very little, they are the less likely to differ and wrangle about favorite opin- ions ; and as they generally transact business upon a hearty dinner, they are naturally disposed to be lenient and indulgent in the administration of their duties. Charlemagne was conscious of this, and therefore ordered in his cartularies, that no judge should hold a court of justice, except in the morning, on an empty stomach. — A pitiful rule, which I can never forgive, and which I warrant bore hard upon all the poor culprits in the kingdom. The more enlio-htened and humane generation of the present day have taken an opposite course, and have so managed that the aldermen are the best-fed men in the community ; feasting lustily on the fat things of the land, and gorging so heartQy on oysters and turtles, that in process of time they acquire the activity of the one, and the form, the waddle, and the green fat of the other. The consequence is, as I have just said, these luxurious feastings do produce such a dulcet equanimity and repose of the soul, rational and irrational, that their transactions are prover- bial for unvarying monotony ; and the profoiuid laws which they enact in their dozing moments, amid the labors of digestion, are quietly suffered to remain as dead letters, and never enforced, 186 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. when awake. In a word, your fair, round-bellied burgomaster, like a full-fed mastiff, dozes quietly at the house-door, always at home, and always at hand to watch over its safety ; but as to electing a lean, meddling candidate to the office, as has now and then been done, I would as lief put a greyhound to watch the house, or a race-horse to draw an ox-wagon. The burgomasters, then, as I have already men- tioned, were wisely chosen by weight, and the schepens, or assistant aldermen, were appointed to attend upon them and help them eat ; but the lat- ter, in the course of time, when they had been fed and fattened into sufficient bulk of body and drowsmess of brain, became very eligible can- didates for the burgomasters* chairs, havmg fairly eaten themselves into office, as a mouse eats his way into a comfortable lodgment in a goodly, blue-nosed, skimmed-milk, New-England cheese. Nothing could equal the profound deliberations that took place between the reno\vned Wouter and these his worthy compeers, unless it be the sage divans of some of our modern corporations. They would sit for hours, smoking and dozing over public affiiirs, without speaking a word to interrupt that perfect stillness so necessary to deep reflection. Under the sober sway of Wouter Van Twiller and these his worthy co- adjutors,' the infant settlement waxed vigorous apace, gradually emerging from the swamps and forests, and exliibiting that mhigled appearance of town and country, customary in new cities, ftnd wliich at this day may be witnessed in the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 187 eity of Washington, — that immense metropolis, which makes so glorious an appearance on paper It was a pleasing sight, in those times, to behold the honest burgher, like a patriarch of yore, seated on the bench at the door of his whitewashed house, under the shade of some gigantic sycamore or overhanging willow. Here would he smoke his pipe of a sultry afternoon, enjoying the soft southern breeze, and listening with silent gratulation to the clucking of his hens, the cackling of his geese, and the sonorous grunt- ing of his swine, — that combination of farm-yard melody which may truly be said to have a silver somid, inasmuch as it conveys a certain assurance of profitable marketing. The modern spectator, who wanders through the streets of this populous city, can scarcely form an idea of the different appearance they presented in the primitive days of the Doubter. The busy hum of multitudes, the shouts of rev- elry, the rumbling equipages of fashion, the rat- tling of accursed carts, and all the spirit-grieving sounds of brawling commerce, were unknown in the settlement of New Amsterdam. The grass grew quietly in the highways ; the bleating sheep and frolicsome calves sported about the verdant ridge, where now the Broadway lomigers take their morning stroll ; the cunning fox or ravenous wolf skulked in the woods, where now tire to be seen the dens of Gomez and his right- eous fraternity of money-brokers ; and flocks ot Irociferous geese cackled about the fields where now the great Tammany wigwam and the patri- 188 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. otic tavern of Martling echo with the wranglings of the mob. In these good times did a true and enviable equality of rank and property prevail, equally removed from the arrogance of wealth, and the servility and heart-burnings of repining poverty ; and, what in my mind is still more conducive to tranquillity and harmony among friends, a happy equality of intellect was likewise to be seen. The minds of the good burghers of New Amsterdam seemed all to have been cast in one mould, and to be those honest, blunt minds, which, like certain manufactures, are made by the gross, and considered as exceedingly good for common use. Thus it happens that your true dull minds are generally preferred for public employ, and espe- cially promoted to city honors ; your keen intel- lects, like razors, being considered too sharp for common service. I know that it is common to rail at the unequal distribution of riches, as the great source of jealousies, broils, and heart-breakings ; whereas, for my part, I verily believe it is the sad inequality of intellect that prevails, that embroils communities more than anything else ; and I have remarked that your knowing people, who are so much wiser than anybody else, are eter- nally keeping society in a ferment. Happily for New Amsterdam, nothing of the kind was known within its walls ; the very words of learning, ed- ucation, taste, and talents were unlieard of; a bright genius was an animal unknown, and a blue- stocking lady would have been regarded with bb HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 189 much wonder as a horned frog or a fiery dragon. No man, in fact, seemed to know more than his neiglibor, nor any man to know more than an honest man ought to know, who has nobody's business to mind but his own ; the parscn mid tht council clerk were the only men that cx)uld read in the community, and the sage Van 1 vviller always signed his name with a cross. Thrice luippy and ever to be envied little Burgli ! existing in all the security of harmless insignificance, — unnoticed and unenvied by the world, without ambition, without vainglory, with- o\it riches, witiiout lejyning, and all their train of carking cares ; — and as of yore, in the better days of man, the deities were wont to visit him on eartli and bless his rural habitations, so, we are told, in the sylvan days of New Amster- dam, the good St. Nicholas would often make his appearance in his beloved city, of a holiday after- noon, riding joUily among the ti-ee-tops, or over the roofs of the houses, now and then drawing forth magnificent presents from liis breeches-pockets, and dropping them down the chimneys of liis favorites. Whei'eas, in these degenerate days of iron and brass, he never shows us the light of his countenance, nor ever visits us, save one night in the year, when he rattles down the chimneys of the descendants of patriarchs, confining his pres- ents merely to the children, in token of the de- geiieracy of the parents. Such are the comfortable and thriving effects of a fat government. The province of the New Netherlands, destitute of wealtli, possessed a 190 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Bweet tranquillity that wealth could never pui*- chase. There were neither public commotions, nor private quarrels ; neither parties, nor sects, nor schisms ; neither persecutions, nor trials, nor punishments ; nor were tliere counsellors, attor- neys, catchpolls, or hangmen. Every man at- tended to what little business he was lucky enough to have, or neglected it if he pleased, without asking the opinion of his neighbor. In those days nobody meddled with concerns above his comprehension ; nor thrust liis nose into other people's affairs ; nor neglected to correct liis own conduct, and reform liis own character, in his zeal to pull to pieces the characters of others ; — but, in a word, eveiy I'cspectable citizen ate when he was not hungiy, drank wlien he was not thirsty, and went regularly to bed when the sun set and the fowls went to roost, whether he was sleepy or not ; all which tended so remarkably to the population of tlie settlement, that I am told every dutiful wife throughout New Amsterdam made a point of enriching her husband with at least one child a year, and very often a brace, — tliis superabundance of good things clearly consti- tuting the true luxury of life, according to the favorite Dutch maxim, that " more than enough constitutes a feast." ]Cverything, therefore, went on exactly as it should do, and in the usual words employed by historians to express the welfare of a country, " the profoundest tranquillity &.in\ repott reigned throughout the province." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 191 CHAPTER m. low THE TOWN OF NEW AMSTERDAM AROSE OUT OP Man, AND CfAMI TO 3E MARVELLOUSLY POLISHED AND POLITE — TOGETHER WITH A PICTURE 0» THE MANNERS OF OUR 0REAT-0REAT-QRANDFATHER3 ^ANIFOLD are the tastes and disposi- tions of the enlightened literati, who turn over tlie pages of history. Some there be whose hearts are brimful of the yeast of courage, and whose bosoms do work, and swell, and foam, Avith untried valor, hke a barrel of new cider, or a train-band captain, fresh from under the hands of his tailor. This doughty class of readers can be satisfied Avith notliing but bloody battles, and horrible encounters ; they must be continually storming forts, sacking cities springing mines, marching up to the muzzles of camion, charging bayonet through every page, and revelling in gunpowder and carnage. Others, who are of a less martial, but equally ardent imagination, and who, withal, are a little given TO the marvellous, will dwell with wondrous satisfaction on descriptions of prodigies, unheard- of events, hair-breadth escapes, hardy adventures, and all those astonishing narrations which just amble along the boundary-line of possibility. A third class, who, not to S})eak sliglitly of them, are of a lio;hter turn, and skim over the records 192 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of past times, as they do over the edifying pages of a novel, merely for relaxation and imiocent amusement, do singularly delight in treasons, executions. Sabine rapes, Tarquin outrages, con- flagrations, murders, and all the other catalogue of liideous crimes, which, like cayenne in cookery, do give a pungency and flavor to the dull detiiil of history. AVhile a fourth class, of more pliilo- sopliic habits, do diligently pore over the musty chronicles of time, to investigate the operations of the human kind, and watch the gradual changes in men and manners, effected by the progress of knowledge, tlie vicissitudes of events, or the influence of situation. If the three first classes find but little where- withal to solace themselves in the tranquil reign of Wouter Van Twiller, I entreat them to exert their patience for a wliile, and bear with the tedious picture of happiness, prosperity, and peace, which my duty as a faithful historian obliges me to draw ; and I promise them, that, as soon as I can possibly ahglit on anything h()n-il)le, uncommon, or impossible, it shall go hard, but I will make it afford them entertain- ment. Tliis being premised, I turn with great complacency to the fourth class of my readers, wiio are men, or, if possible, women after my nwn heart; grave, philosophical, and investigjit- ing ; fond of analyzing characters, of taking a ^tart from first causes, and so Ininting a nation clown, tlirougli all the mazes of innovation and improvement. Such will naturally be anxious to witness the first development of the newly- / a IS TORT OF NEW YORK. 193 hatched colony, and the primitive manners and customs prevalent among its inhabitants, during the halcyon reign of Van Twiller, or the Doubter. I will not grieve their patience, however, b)' describing minutely the increase and improve- ment of New Amsterdam. Their own imaghia- tions will doubtless present to them the good burghers, like so many pamstaking and persever- ing beavers, slowly and surely pursuing their labors : they will behold the prosperous trans- formation from the rude log hut to the stately Dutch mansion, with brick front, glazed windows, and tiled roof; from the tangled thicket to the luxuriant cabbao-e-nrarden ; and from the skulk- ing Indian to the ponderous burgomaster. Li a word, they ^vill picture to themselves the steady, silent, and undeviating march of prosperity inci- dent to a city destitute of pride or ambition, cherished by a fat government, and whose citizens do nothing in a hurry. The sage council, as has been mentioned in a preceding chapter, not being able to determine upon any plan for the building of their city, — the cows, in a laudable fit of patriotism, took it under their peculiar charge, and, as they went to and from pasture, estaljlished paths through the bushes, on each side of which the good folks built their houses, — which is one cause of the rambling and picturesque turns and labyrintlis wliich distinguish certain streets of New York at this very day. The houses of the liigher class were generally constructed of wood, excepting the gable end 13 194 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. which wiis of small, black and yellow Dutch bricks, and always faced on the street, as our ancestors, like their descejidants, were very much given to outward show, and were noted for putthig tiie best leg foremost. The house was always fiu'- iiished with abundance of large doors aitd small windows on every floor, the date of its erection was curiously designated by iron figures on the front, and on the top of the roof was perched a fierce little weathercock, to let the family into the important secret which way the wind blew. These, hke the weathercocks on the tops of our steeples, pointed so many different ways, that every man could have a wind to his mind ; — the most stanch and loyal citizens, however, always went according to the weathercock on the top of the governor's house, which was cer- tainly the most correct, as he had a trusty ser- vant employed every morning to climb up and set it to the right quarter. In those good days of simplicity and sunshine, a passion for cleanliness was the leading principle in domestic economy, and the universal test of an able housewife, — a character which formed the utmost ambition of our unenlightened grand- mothers. The front -door Avas never opened, except on marriages, funerals, New -Year's days, the festival of St. Nicholas, or some such great occasion. It was ornamented with a gorgeous brass knocker, curiously wrought, sometimes iu the device of a dog, and sometimes of a lion's head, and was daily burnished with such relig- ions zeal, that it was ofttimes worn out by the mSTORY OF NEW YORK. 195 very precautions taken for its preservation. The jvbole house was constantly in a state of inunda- tion, under the discipline of mops and brooms find scrubbing-brushes ; and the good housewives of those days were a kind of amphibious animal. d(3lighting exceedingly to be dabbling in water, — insomuch that an historian of tlie day gravely UjUs us, that many of his towns women grew to liave webbed fingers like unto a duck ; and some of them, he had little doubt, could the matter be examined into, would be found to have the tails of mermaids, — but this I look upon to be a mere sport of fancy, or, what is worse, a wilful misrep- resentation. The grand parlor was the sanctum sanctorum, where the passion for cleaning was indulged without control. In this sacred apartment no one was permitted to enter, excepting the mis- tress and her confidential maid, who visited it once a week, for the purpose of giving it a thor- ough cleaning, and putting things to rights, — always taking the precaution of leaving their shoes at the door, and entering devoutly on their stock- ing-feet. After scrubbing the floor, sprinkling it with fine white sand, which was curiously stroked into angles and curves and rhomboids with a broom, — after washing the windows, rubbing und polishing the furniture, and putting a new bunch of evergreens in the fireplace, — the win- dow-shutters were again closed to keep out the ♦lies, and the room carefully locked up until the revolution of time brought round the weekly cleaning-day. 196 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. As to the family, they always entered in at the gate, and most generally lived in the kitchen. To have seen a numerous household assem- bled round the fire, one would have imagined lliat he was transported back to those happy (lays of primeval simplicity, which float before our imaginations like golden visions. The fire- places were of a truly patriarchal magnitude, where tlie whole family, old and young, master and servant, black and white, nay, even the very cat and dog, enjoyed a community of privilege, and had each a right to a corner. Here the old burgher would sit in perfect silence, puffing his pipe, looking in the fire with half-shut eyes, and thinking of nothing for hours together ; the goede vrouw, on the opposite side, would employ herself diligently in spinning yarn, or knitting stockings. The young folks would crowd around the hearth, listening with breathless attention to some old crone of a negro, who was the oracle of the family, and who, perched like a raven in a corner of the chimney, would croak forth for a long winter afternoon a string of incredible stories about New -England witches, — grislj' ghosts, liorses \vithout heads, — and hair-breadth escapes, and bloody encounters among the In- dians. In those happy days a well-regulated family always rose with the dawn, dined at eleven, and went to bed at sunset. Dinner was invariably a private meal, and the fat old burghers showed in- contestible signs of disa})probation and imeasiness at being surprised by a visit from a neighbor on HISTORY OF NEW YORK 197 such occasions. But though our worthy ances* tors were thus singularly averse to giving din- ners, yet they kept up the social bands of inti macy by occasional banquetings, called tea-par- ties. These fashionable parties were generally con- fined to the higher classes, or noblesse, tliat is to say, such as kept their own cows, and drove their own wagons. The company commonly assembled at three o'clock, and went away about six, unless it was in winter-time, when the fashionable hours were a little earlier, that the ladies might get home before dark. The tea-table was crowned with a huge earthen dish, well stored with slices of fat pork, fried brown, cut up into morsels, and swimming in gravy. The company being seated round the genial board, and each furnished with a fork, evinced their dexterity in launching at the fattest pieces in this mighty dish, — in much the same manner as sailors harpoon porpoises at sea, or our Lidians spear salmon in the lakes. Sometimes the table was graced with immense apple-pies, or saucers full of preserved peaches and pears ; but it was always sure to boast an enormous dish of balls of sweetened dough, fried in hog's fat, and called doughnuts, or olykoeks, — a delicious kind of cake, at present scarce laiown in this city, except in genuine Dutch families. The tea was served out of a majestic Delfl jea-pot, ornamented with paintings of fat little Dutch shepherds and shepherdesses tending pigs with boats sailing in the air, and houses built in the clouds, and sundry other ingenious Dutch 198 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. fantasies. The beaux distinguished themselves by their adroitness in replenishing this pot from a huge copper tea-kettle, which would have made the pigmy macaronies of these degenerate days sweat mei'ely to look at it. To sweeten the bev- erage, a lump of sugar was laid beside each cup, and the company alternately nibbled and sijiped with great decorum, until an improvement was introduced by a shrewd and economic old lady, which was to suspend a large lump directly over the tea-table, by a string from the ceiling, so that it could be swung from mouth tx) mouth, — an in- genious expedient, which is still kept up by some families in Albany, but which prevails without exception in Communipaw, Bergen, Flatbush, and all our uncontaminated Dutch villages. At these primitive tea-parties the utmost pro- priety and dignity of deportment prevailed. No flirting nor coquetting, — no gambling of old la- dies, nor hoyden chattering and romping of young ones, — no self-satisfied struttings of wealthy gen- tlemen, with their brains in their pockets, nor amusing conceits and monkey divertisements of smart young gentlemen, with no brains at all. On the contrary, the young ladies seated themselves demurely in their rush-bottomed chairs, and knit their own woollen stockings ; nor ever opened tlieir lipsexcep ting to say yah Mynheer^ or, yah ya Vrouw, to any question that was asked them ; behaving in all things like decent, well-educated damsels. As to the gentlemen, each of tliem tranquilly smoked his pipe, and seemed lost in conteinphuion of the blue and white tiles with HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 199 ivhich the fireplaces were decorated ; wherein sun- dry passages of Scripture Avere piously portrayed : Tobit and his dog figured to great advantage ; Haman swung conspicuously on his gibbet ; and Jonah appeared most manfully bouncing out of the whale, like Harlequin through a barrel of fire. The parties broke up without noise and with- out confusion. They were carried home by their own carriages, that is to say, by the vehicles natm*e had provided them, excepting such of the wealthy as could afford to keep a wagon. The gentlemen gallantly attended their fair ones to their respec- tive abodes, and took leave of them with a hearty emack at the door : which, as it was an estab- lished piece of etiquette, done in perfect simplici- ty and honesty of heart, occasioned no scandal at that time, nor should it at the present ; — if our great-grandfathers approved of the custom, it would argue a great want of deference in their descendants to say a word against it. 200 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. CONTAININa FORTHER PARTICULARS OF THE GOLDEN AOE, AND WHAl CONSTITUTED A FINE LADY AND GENTLEMAN IN THE DAYS OF WAL- TER THE DOUBTER. jN this dulcet period of ray history, when the beauteous island of Maniia-hata pi'e- sented a scene, the very counterpart of those glowing pictures drawn of the golden reign of Saturn, there was, as I have before observed, a happy ignorance, an honest simplicity prevalent among its inhabitants, which, were I even able to depict, would be but little understood by the de- generate age for which I am doomed to write. Even the female sex, those arch innovators upon the tranquillity, the honesty, and gray-beard cus- toms of society, seemed for a while to conduct themselves with incredible sobriety and comeli- ness. Their hair, untortured by the abominations of art, was scrupulously pomatumed back from their tbreheads with a candle, and covered with a littly cap of quilted calico, which fitted exactly tc their heads. Their petticoats of linsey-woolsey were striped wMth a variety of gorgeous dyes, — though I must confess these gallant garments were rather short, scarco reaching below the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 201 knee ; but then they made up in the number, which generally equalled that of the gentleman's small-clothes ; and what is still more praisewor- thy, they were all of their own manufacture, — of which circumstance, as may well be supposed, they were not a little vain. These were the honest days in which every woman staid at home, read the Bible, and wore pockets, — ay, and that too of a goodly size, fash- ioned with patchwork into many curious devices, and ostentatiously worn on the outside. These, in fact, were convenient receptacles, where all good house"wives carefully stored away such things as they wished to have at hand ; by Avhich means they often came to be incredibly crammed ; and I remember there was a story current, when I was a boy, that the lady of Wouter Van T wilier once had occasion to empfty her right pocket in search of a wooden ladle, when the contents filled a couple of corn-baskets, and the utensil was dis- covered lying among some rubbish in one comer; ' — but we must not give too much faith to all these stories, the anecdotes of those remote peri- ods being very subject to exaggeration. Besides these notable pockets, they likewise wore scissors and pin-cushions suspended from their girdles by red ribands, or, among the more opulent and showy classes, by brass, and even sil- ver chains, — indubitable tokens of thrifty house- wives and industrious spinsters. I cannot say much in vindication of the shortness of the petti- coats ; it doubtless was introduced for the purpose of gi^'ing the stockings a chance to be seen, which 202 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. were generally of blue worsted, with magnificent red clocks, — or, perhaps, to display a well-turned ankle, and a neat, though serviceable foot, set off by a high-heeled leathern shoe, with a large and splendid silver buckle. Thus we, find that the gentle sex in all ages have shown the same dis- {)osition to infringe a little upon the laws of deco- rum, in order to betray a lurking beauty, or grat- ify an innocent love of finery. From the sketch here given, it will be seen that our good grandmothers differed considerably in their ideas of a fine figure from their scantily dressed descendants of the present day. A fine lady, in those times, waddled under more clothes, even on a fair summer's day, than would have clad the whole bevy of a modern ball-room. Nor were they the less admired by the gentle- men in consequence thereof On the contrary, the greatness of a lover's passion seemed to in- crease in proportion to the magnitude of its object, — and a volummous damsel, arrayed in a dozen of petticoats, was declared by a Low-Dutch sonneteer of the province to be radiant as a sun- flower, and luxuriant as a full - bloA\'n cabbage. Certain it is, that in those days the heart of a lover could not contain more than one lady at a time ; whereas the heart of a modern gallant litw often room enough to accommodate half a dozen. The reason of which I conclude to be, that either the hearts of the gentlemen have grown larger, or the persons of the ladies smaller : this, how- ever, is a question for physiologists to determine. But there was a secret charm in these petti- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 203 eoats, which, no doubt, entered into the consider- ation of the prudent gallants. The wardrobe of lady was in those days her only fortune ; and she who had a good stock of petticoats and stock- ings was as absolutely an heiress as is a Kam- tchatka damsel with a store of bear-skins, or a Lapland belle with a plenty of reindeer. The ladies, therefore, were very anxious to display these powerful attractions to the greatest advan- tage ; and the best rooms in the house, instead of being adorned with caricatures of dame Na- ture, in water - colors and needle - work, were always hung round with abundance of homespun garments, the manufactm'e and the property of the females, — a piece of laudable ostentation that still prevails among the heiresses of our Dutch villages. The gentlemen, in fact, who figured m the cir- cles of the gay world in these ancient times, cor- responded, in most particulars, with the beauteous damsels whose smiles they were ambitious to deserve. True it is, their merits would make but a very inconsiderable impression upon the heart of a modem fair : they neither drovp their curricles, nor sported their tandems, for as yet those gaudy vehicles were not even drearht of; neither did they distinguish themselves by their brilliancy at the table, and their consequent ren- contres with watchmen, for our forefathers were of too pacific a disposition to need those guardians of the night, every soul throughout the town being sound asleep before mne o'clock. Neither did they estabUsh their claims to gentility at the 204 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. expense of their tailors, for as yet those offenders against the pockets of society, and the tranquillity of all aspiring young gentlemen, were unknown in New Amsterdam ; every good housewife made the clothes of her husband and family, and even the o^oede vrouw^ of Van Twiller himself thou":ht it no disparagement to cut out her husband's linsey-woolsey galligaskins. Not but what there were some two or three yomigsters who manifested the first dawning of what is called fire and spirit ; who held all labor in contempt ; skulked about docks and market- places ; loitered in the sunshine ; squandered what little money they could procure at hustle- cap and chuck-farthing ; swore, boxed, fought cocks, and raced their neighbors' horses ; in short, who promised to be the wonder, the talk, and abomination of the town, had not their stylish career been mifortunately cut short by an affair of honor with a whipping-post. Far other, however, was the truly fashionable gentleman of those days . his dress, wliich served for both morning and evening, street and draw- ing-room, was a linsey-woolsey coat, made, per- Iiaps, by the fair hands of the mistress of his af- fections, and gallantly bedecked with abundance of large brass buttons ; half a score of breeches heightened the proportions of his figure ; his shoes were decorated by enormous copper buckles ; a low-crowned broad-rimmed hat overshadowed his burly visage ; and his hair dangled down his back in a prodigious queue of eel-skin. Thus equipped, he would manfully sally forth, HISTORY OF NEW lOL? 205 with pipe in mouth, to besiege some fair damsel's obdurate heart, — not such a pipe, good reader, as that which Acis did sweetly tune in praise of his Galatea, but one of true Delft manufacture, tind furnished with a charg-e of fragrant tobacco. With this would he resolutely set himself doA^ii before the fortress, and rarely failed, in the pro- cess of time, to smoke the fair enemy into a sur- render, upon honorable terms. Such was tlie happy reign of Wouter Van Twiller, celebrated in many a long-forgotten song as the real golden age, the rest beuig nothing but counterfeit copper-washed coin. In that delight- ful period, a sweet and holy calm reigned over the whole province. The burgomaster smoked his pipe m peace ; the substantial solace of his domestic cares, after her daily toils were done, sat soberly at the door, with her arms crossed over her apron of snowy Avhite, without bemg insulted Avith ribald street-walkers or vagabond boys, — those unlucky urchins who do so infest our streets, displaying, under the roses of youth, the thorns and briers of iniquity. Then it was that the lover with ten breeches, and the damsel with petticoats of half a score, indulged m all the innocent endearments of virtuous love, without fear and without reproach ; for what had that virtue to fear, which was defended by a shield of good linsey-woolseys, equal at least to the sevcTi buU-hides of the invincible Ajax ? Ah, blissful and never to be forgotten age ! when everything was better than it has ever been ^ince, or ever will be again, — when Buttermilk 206 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, Channel was quite dry at low water, — when the shad in the Hudson were ail salmon, — and when the moon shone with a pure and resplendent whiteness, instead of that melancholy yellow light which is the consequence of her sickening at the abominations she every night witnesses in this degenerate city ! Happy would it have been for New Amster- dam could it always have existed in this state of blissful ignorance and lowly simplicity ; but, alas ! the days of childhood are too sweet to last ! Cit- ies, like men, grow out of them m time, and are doomed alike to grow into the bustle, the cares, and miseries of the world. Let no man congi'at- ulate himself, when he beholds the child of his bosom or the city of his birth increasing in mag- nitude and importance, — let the history of his o^vn life teach him the dangers of the one, and tliis excellent little history of Manna-hata con- vince him of the calamities of the other. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 2'J7 CHAPTER V. , 5F THE FOUNDING OP FORT ATJRANIA — OF THE MYSTERIES OP THE BtTL- SON — OF THE ARRIVAL OF THE PATROON KILLIAN VAN RENSELIAER ; HIS LORDLY DESCENT UPON THE EARTH, AND HIS INTRODUCTION 0? CLUB-LAW. ^^^^^T has already been mentioned, that, in )^ S^ ^^^^ early times of Oloffe the Dreamer, f wron<2:s, — like that mighty man of old, vyho, by dint of carrying about a calf from Oie time it was born, continued to cairy it without dilliculty when it had grown 'o be aii ox. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 229 CHAPTER IX. HOW THE PORT GOED HOOP WAS FEARFULLY BELEAGUERED — HOW SHI RENOWNED WOUTER FELL INTO A PROFOUND DOUBT, AND HOW HE FINALLY EVAPORATED. Y this time my readers must fully per- ceive what an arduous task I have undertaken, — exploring a little kind of Herculaneum of history, which had lain nearly for ages buried imder the rubbish of years, and almost totally forgotten, — raking up the limbs and fragments of disjointed facts, and endeav- oring to put them scrupulously together, so as to restore them to their original form and coimec- tion, — how lugging forth the character of an almost forgotten hero, like a mutilated statue, now deciphering a half-defaced inscription, and now lighting upon a mouldering manuscript, which, after painful study, scarce repays the trouble of perusal. In such case, how much has the reader to depend upon the honor and probity of his author, lest, like a cunning antiquarian, he either impose upon him some spurious fabrication of his own for a precious relic of antiquity, or else dress up the dismembered fragment with such false trap' pings, that it is scarcely possible to distinguish the truth from the fiction with which it is envel- oped. This is a grievance which I have more 230 HISTORx OF NEW YORK. than once had to lament, in the course of my wearisome researches among the works of my fellow-historians, who have strangely disguised and distorted the facts respecting this comitry ; and particularly respecting the great province of New Netherlands ; as will be perceived by any who will take the trouble to compare their ro- mantic effusions, tricked out in the meretricioiiS gauds of fable, with this authentic history. I have had more vexations of the kind to en- counter, ui those parts of my history which treat of the transactions on the eastern border, than in any other, in consequence of the troops of histo- rians who have infested these quarters, and have shown the honest people of Nieuw Nederlandts no mercy in their works. Among the rest, Mr. Benjamin Trumbull arrogantly declares, that " the Dutch were always mere intruders." Now, to this I shall make no other reply than to pro- ceed in the steady narration of my history, which will contain not only proofs that the Dutch had clear title and possession in the fiir valleys of the Connecticut, and that they were wrongfully dispossessed thereof, but likewise, that they have been scandalously maltreated ever since by the misrepresentations of the crafty historians of New England. And in this I shall be guided by a spirit of truth and impartiality, and a regard to immortal fame ; for I would not wittingly dis- honor my work by a single falsehood, misrepre- gentation, or prejudice, though it should gain our forefathers the whole country of New England. I have already noticed, in a former chapter of HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 231 my history, that the territories of the Nieuw Nederlaiidts extended on the east, quite to the Var«che or fresh, or Connecticut river. Here, at an early period, liad been established a frontier post on the bank of the river, and called Fort Goed Hoop, not far from the site of the present fair city of Hartford. It was placed under the command of Jacobus Van Curlet, or Curbs, as some historians will have it, — a doughty soldier, of that stomachful class famous for eating all they kill. He was long in the body and short in the limb, as though a tall man's body had been mount- ed on a little man's legs. He made up for this turnspit construction by striding to such an ex tent, that you would have sworn he had on the seven-leagued boots of Jack the Giant-killer; and so high did he tread on parade, that his soldiers were sometimes alarmed lest he should trample himself under foot. But notwithstanding the erection of this fort and the appointment of this ugly little man of war as commander, the Yankees continued the interlopings hinted at in my last chapter, and at length had the audacity to squat themselves down witlun the jurisdiction of Fort Goed Hoop. The long-bodied Van Curlet protested Avith great spirit against these unwarrantable encroach- ments, couching his protest in Low Dutch, by way of inspiring more terror, and forthwith dis- patched a copy of the protest to the governor at New Amsterdam, together mth a long and bitter Recount of the aggressions of the enemy. Thia done, he ordered his men, one and all, to be of 232 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. good cheer, shut the gate of the fort, smoked three pipes, went to bed, and awaited the result with a resolute and intrepid tranquillity, that greatly ani- mated his adherents, and no doubt struck sore dismay and affright into the liearts of the enemy. Now it came to pass, that about this time the renowned Wouter Van Twiller, full of years and honors, and council - dinners, . had reached that period of life and faculty which, according to the great Gulliver, entitles a man to admission into the ancient order of Struldbruggs. He em- ployed his tune in smoking his Turkish pipe, amid an assemblage of sages, equally enlightened and nearly as venerable as himself, and who, for their silence, their gravity, their wisdom, and their cautious averseness to coming to any conclusion in business, are only to be equalled by certain profound corporations which I have knoAvn hi my time. Upon reading the protest of the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet, therefore, his excellency fell straightway into one of the deepest doubts that ever he was known to en- counter ; his capacious head gradually drooped on his chest, he closed his eyes, and inclined his ear to one side, as if listening with great atten- tion to the discussion that was going on in his belly, — and which all who Iviiew him declared to be the huge court-house or council-chamber of his thoughts, forming to his head what the house of representatives does to the Senate. An inar- ticulate sound, veiy much resembling a snore, oc- casionally escaped him ; but the nature of this internal cogitation was never known, as he never HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 233 opened his lips on the subject to man, woman, or child. In the mean time, the protest of Van Cm'let lay quietly on the table, where it served to light the pipes of the venerable sages assem- bled in council ; and in the great smoke which they raised, the gallant Jacobus, liis protest, and his mighty Fort Goed Hoop were soon as com- pletely beclouded and forgotten as is a question of emergency swallowed up in the speeches and resolutions of a modern session of Congress. There are certain emergencies when your pro- found legislators and sage deliberative councils are mightily in the way of a nation, and when an ounce of hare-brained decision is worth a pound of sage doubt and cautious discussion. Such, at least, was the case at present ; for, while the renowned Wouter Van Twiller was daily battling with his doubts, and his resolution grow- ing weaker and weaker in the contest, the enemy pushed farther and farther into his territories, and assumed a most formidable appearance in the neighborhood of Fort Goed Hoop. Here they founded the mighty town of Pyquag, or, as it has since been called, Weathersjield, a place which, if we may credit the assertions of that worthy his- torian, John Josselyn, Gent., "hath been infa- mous by reason of the witches therein." And so daring did these men of Pyquag become, thlit they extended those plantations of onions, for which their town is illustrious, under the very noses of the garrison of Fort Goed Hoop, inso- much that the honest Dutchmen could not look toward that quarter without tears in their eyeg 234 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. This crying injustice was regarded with proper indignation by the gallant Jacobus Van Curlet He absolutely trembled ^vith the violence of his choler and the exacerbations of his valor, wliich were the more turbulent in their workings from the length of the body in which they were agi- tated. He forthwith proceeded to strengthen his redoubts, heighten his breastworks, deepen his fosse, and fortify his position vnih. a double row of abatis ; after which he dispatched a fresh courier with accounts of his perilous situation. The courier chosen to bear the dispatches was a fat, oily, little man, as being less liable to be worn out, or to lose leather on the journey ; and to insure his speed, he was mounted on the fleet- est wagon-horse in the garrison, remarkable for length of limb, largeness of bone, and hardness of trot, and so tall, that the little messenger was obHged to climb on his back by means of his tail and crupper. Such extraordinary speed did he make, that he arrived at Fort Amsterdam in a little less than a month, though the distance was full two hundred pipes, or about one hundred and twenty miles. With an appearance of great hurry and busi- ness, and smoking a short travelling-pipe, he pro- ceeded on a long swing-trot through the muddy lalies of the metropolis, demolishing whole batches of dirt-pies, which the little Dutcli children were making in the road ; and for whicli kind of pastry the cliildren of this city have ever been famous. On ai-riving at the governor's house, he climbed HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 235 dowii from his steed, roused the gray-headed door- keeper, old Skaats, who, like his lineal descend- ant and faithful representative, the venerable crier of our court, was nodding at his post, rat- tled at the door of the council-chamber, and startled the members as they were dozing over a plan for establishing a public market. At that very moment a gentle grunt, or rather a deep-drawn snore, was heard from the chair of the governor; a Avhiff of smoke was at the same instant observed to escape from his lips, and a light cloud to ascend from the bowl of his pipe. The council, of course, supposed him engaged in deep sleep for the good of the commimity, and, according to custom in all such cases established, every man bawled out silence, when, of a sudden, the door flew open, and the little courier strad- dled into the apartment, cased to the middle in a pair of Hessian boots, which he had got into for the sake of expedition. In his right hand he held forth the ominous dispatches, and with his left he grasped firmly the waistband of his galli- gaskins, which had unfortunately given way in the exertion of descending from his horse. He stumped resolutely up to the governor, and with more hurry than perspicuity delivered his mes- sage. But fortunately his ill tidings came too late to rufile the tranquillity of this most tranquil of rulers. His venerable excellency had just breathed and smoked his last, — his lungs and his pipe having been exhausted together, and his peaceful soul having escaped in the last wliiff 236 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. that curled from his tobacco-pipe. In a word, the renowned Walter the Doubter, who had so often slumbered with his contemporaries, now slept with his fathers, and Wilhelmus Kieft gov- emol in his stead. BOOK IV. OOrtTArNING THE CHRONICLES OF THE REIGN OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. CHAPTER I. SnOWI>^ THE NATURE OF HISTORY IN GENERAL ; CONTAINING FARfHEB- MORE >'iE UNIVERSAL ACQUIREMENTS OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND now A MAN MAY LEARN SO MUCH AS TO RENDER HIMSELF GOOD FOB NOTHING. "\TC^^i^HEN the lofty Thiicydides is about to ^\mv^ enter upon his description of the plague ^ mM^ that desolated Athens, one of his modern commentators assui-es the reader, that the history is now going to be exceeding solemn, serious, and pathetic, and liints, with that air of chuckling gratulation with which a good dame draws forth a choice morsel from a cupboard to regale a favorite, that this plague will give his history n most agreeable variety. In like manner did my heart leap within me, when I came to the dolorous dilemma of Fort Goed Hoop, which I at once perceived to be the 238 HISTORY Of NEW YORK. foreriuiuer of a series of gi'cat events and enter- taining disasters. Such are the true subjects for the historic pen. For what is history, in fact, but a kind of Newgate calendar, a register of the crimes and miseries that man has inHicted on liis fellow-man ? It is a huge libel on l^iunau nature, to which we industriously add page after page, volume after volume, as if we were build- ing up a monument to the honor, rather than the infamy of our species. If we turn over the pages of these chronicles that man has written of himself, what are the characters dignified by the appellation of great, and held up to the admiration of posterity? Tyrants, robbers, con- querors, renowned only for the magnitude of their misdeeds, and the stupendous wrongs and miseries they have inflicted on mankind, — war- riors, who have hired themselves to the trade of blood, not from motives of virtuous patriotism, or to protect the injured and defenceless, but merely to gain the vaunted glory of being adroit and successful in massacring their fellow - beings ! AVhat are the great events that constitute a glo- rious era ? — The fall of empires ; the desolation of happy countries ; splendid cities smoking in their ruins ; the proudest works of art tumbled in the dust ; the shrieks and groans of whole nations ascending unto heaven ! It is thus the historian may be said to thrive on the miseries of mankind, like birds of prey which hover over the field of battle to fatten on the mighty dead. It was observed by a great projector of iidand lock -navigation, that rivers. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 239 lakes, and oceans were only formed to feed canals. Li like manner I am tempted to believe that plots, conspiracies, wars, victories, and mnssacres are ordained by Providence only as food for the historian. It is a source of great delight to the philos- opher, in studying the wonderful economy of na- ture, to trace the imitual dependencies of tilings, how they are created reciprocally for each other, and how the most noxious and apparently unne- cessary animal has its uses. Thus those swarms of flies, which are so often execrated as useless vermin, are created for the sustenance of spiders ; and spiders, on the other hand, are evidently made to devour flies. So those heroes, who have been such scourges to the world, were bounte- ously provided as themes for the poet and histo- rian, while the poet and the historian were des- tmed to record the achievements of heroes ! These, and many similar reflections, naturally arose in my mind as I took up my pen to com- mence the reign of William Kieft : for now the stream of our history, which hitherto has rolled in a tranquil current, is about to depart forever from its peaceful haunts, and brawl through many I turbulent and rusfsced scene. As some sleek ox, sunk in the rich repose of a clover-field, dozing and chewing the cud, will bear repeated blows before it raises itself, so the province of Nieuw Nederlandts, having waxed fat under the drowsy reign of the Doubter, needed euflTs and kicks to rouse it into action. The reuder will now ^ritness the manner in which a 240 niSlORY OF NEW YORK. peaceful community advances towards a state of war ; which is apt to be like the approach of a horse to a drum, with much prancing and little progress, and too often witli the wrong end foremost. Wilhelmus Kieft, who in 1634 ascended the gubernatorial chair, (to borrow a favorite though clumsy appellation of modern phraseologists,) was of a lofty descent, his father being inspector of wind-mills in the ancient town of Saardam ; and our hero, we are told, when a boy, made very curious investigations into the nature and operation of these machines, which was one rea- son why he after^vards came to be so ingenious a governor. His name, according to the most au- thentic etymologists, was a corruption of Kyver, that is to say, a wrangler or scolder^ and expressed the characteristic of his family, Avliich, for nearly two centuries, had kept the windy town of Saar- dam in hot water, and produced more tartars and brimstones than any ten families in the i)lace ; and so truly did he inherit this family peculiarity, that he had not been a year in the government of the province, before he was universally de- nominated William the Testy. His appearance, answered to his name. He Avas a brisk, wiry, waspish little old gentleman ; such a one as may now and then be seen gtumping about our city in a broad-skirted coat with huge buttons, a cocked hat stuck on the back of his head, and a cane as high as his chin. His face was broad, but liis features were sharp ; his cheeks were scorched into a dusky red by two fiery little gray eyes ; HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 241 his nose tui'ned up, and the corners of his mouth turned down, pretty much like the muzzle of an irritable pug-dog. I have heard it observed by a profound adept in human physiology, that if a woman waxes fat with the progress of years, her tenure of life is somewhat precarious, but if haply she withers as she grows old, she lives forever. Such prom- ised to be the case with William the Testy, who grew tough in proportion as he dried. He had withered, m fact, not through the process of years, but through the tropical fervor of his soul, which burnt like a vehement rush-light in his bosom, inciting him to incessant broils and bick- erings. Ancient traditions speak much of his learning, and of the gallant iin*oads he had made into the dead languages, in which he had made captive a host of Greek nouns and Latin verbs, and brought off rich booty in ancient saws and apothegms, which he was wont to parade in his public harangues, as a triumphant general of yore his spolia opima. Of metaphysics he knew enough to confound all hearers and himself into the bargain. In logic, he knew the whole familj of syllogisms and dilemmas, and was so proud of his skill that he never suffered even a self-evident fact to pass unargued. It was observed, how- <;ver, that he seldom got into an argument with- out getting into a perplexity, and then into a passion with his adversary for not being con- vinced gratis. He had, moreover, skirmished smartly on the frontiers of several of the sciences, was fond of 16 242 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. experimental philosophy, mid prided himself upon inventions of all kinds. His abode, which he liad lixed at a Bowerie or country-seat at a short distaaice from the city, just at what is now irJled Dutch Sti*eet, soon abounded with proofs iif his ingenuity : patent smoke-jacks that re- quired a horse to work them : Dutch ovens that roasted meat witliout fire : carts tliat went before tlie hoi^ses ; weather-cocks that turned against the wind ; and other wrong-headed contrivances that astonished and confounded all beholders. The house, too, wtis beset with pju'alytic eats and dogs, the subjects of his experimental philosophy; and the yelling luid yelphig o)i the latter unhappy victims of science, while aiding in the pui*suit of knowledge, soon gained for the place the name of " Dog's Misery," by which it continues to be kno^^^l even at the present day. It is in knowledge as in swimming : he who tloundei's and splashes on the surface makes more noise, and attracts more attention, than the pearl- diver who quietly dives in quest of treasures to the bottom. The vast acquirements of the new governor were tlie theme of marvel amonar the simple burghers of New Amsteixlam ; he tigured about the place as learned a man as a Bonze at Pekin, who has mastered one half of the Chinese alphabet, and was unanimously pronounced a '' univei*sal genius ! " I have known in my time many a genius of this stamp ; but, to speak my mind freely, I never knew one who, for the ordinary purposes of life, was worth his weight in straw. In this BISTORY OF NEW YORK. 245 respect, u little sound judgment and jllam com- mon sense is worth all the sparkling genius that ever wrote poetry or invented theories. Let us Bee how the universal acquirements of William the Testy aided him in the affairs of govern* II lent 244 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER n. BOW WILLIAM THE TESTT UNDERTOOK TO CONQUER BY PROCLAMATIOW — now HE WAS A GREAT MAN ABROAD, BUT A LITTLE MAN IN HIS OWN HOUSE. s. O sooner had this bustling little potentate been blo"\vn by a whifF of fortune into S the seat of government than he called his council together to make them a speech on the state of affairs. Caius Gracchus, it is said, when he harangued the Roman populace, modulated his tone by an oratorical flute or pitch-pipe ; Wilhelmus Kieft, not having such an instrument at hand, availed himself of that musical organ or trump which nature has implanted in the midst of a man's face : in other words, he preluded his address by a sonorous blast of the nose, — a prehminary flourish much in vogue among public orators. He then commenced by expressing his humble sense of his utter unworthmess of the high post to which he had been appomted ; which made some of the simple burghers wonder why he. un- dertook it, not knowmg that it is a point of eti- quette with a public orator never to enter upon office without declaring himself unworthy to cross the* threshold. He then proceeded in a manner highly classic and erudite to speak of govenunent niSTORY OF NEW YORK. 245 generally, and of the govemTnents of ancient Greece in particular, together with the wars of Rome and Carthage, and the rise and fall of sun- dry outlandish empires which the worthy burgh- ers Piad never read nor heard of. Having thus, after the manner of your learned orator, tieate^l of things in general, he came, by a natural, round- about transition, to the matter in hand, namely, the daring aggressions of th(; Yankees. As my readers are well aware of the advan- tage a potentate has of handling his enemies as he pleases in his speeches and bulletirLS, where he has the talk all on his own side, they may rest assured that AVilliam the Testy did not let such an opportunity esctipe of giving the Yan- kees what is called " a taste of his quality." In speaking of their inrojuLs into the territories of their High MightinessciS, he compared them to the GauLs who desolated Ilome, tlie Goths and Vandals who overran the fairest plains of P2u- rope ; but when he came to speak of the unpar- alleled audacity with which they of Weathers- field had advanced their patches up to the very walls of Fort Goed Hoop, and threatened to smother the garrison in onioris, tears of rage started into his eyes, as though he nosed the very offence in question. Having thus wrought up his tfde to a' climax, lie assumed a most belligerent look, and assured the council that he had devised an iastrument, DOtent in its effects,* and which he trusted would Boon drive the Yankees from the land. So say- ing, he tlirust his hand into one of the deep pock- ets of his broad-skirted coat and drew forth, nut 246 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. an infernal machine, but an instrument in writ ing, which he laid with great emphasis upon the table. The burghers gazed at it for a time in silent awe, as a wary housewife does at a gun, fem-ful it may go off half-cocked. The document in question had a sinister look, it is tiTie ^ it was crabbed in text, and from a broad red ribbon dangled the great seal of the province, about the size of a buckwheat pancake. Still, after all, it was but an instrument in ^vriting. Herein, how- ever, existed the wonder of the invention. Tlie document in question was a Proclamation, ordering the Yankees to depart instantly from the territories of their High Mightinesses, under pain of suffering all the forfeitures and punish- ments in such case made and provided. It was on the moral effect of this formidable instrument that Wilhelmus Kieft calculated, pledging his valor as a governor that, once fulminated against the Yankees, it would, in less than two months, drive every mother's son of them across the bor- ders. The council broke up in perfect wonder ; and nothing was talked of for some time among the old men and women of New Amsterdam but the vast genius of the governor, and his new and cheap nlode of fighting by proclamation. As to Wilhelmus Kieft, having dispatched his proclamation to tlie frontiers, he put on liis cocked hat and corduroy small-clothes, and mounting a tall raw-boned charger, trotted out to liis rural retreat of Dog's Misei*y. Here, like the good Numa, he reposed fi-om the toils of state, taking HISTORY. OF NEW YORK. 247 lessons iii government, not from the njmph Ege- lia, but from the honored wife of his bosom ; who was one of that class of females sent upon the earth a little after the flood, as a punishment for the sins of mankind, and commonly known by the appellation of knowing women. In fact, my duty as an historian obliges me to make known a circumstance which was a great secret at the time, and consequently was not a subject of scan- dal at more than half the tea-tables in New Am- sterdam, but which, like many other great secrets, has leaked out in the lapse of years, — and this was, that Wilhelmus the Testy, though one of the most potent little men that ever breathed, yet submitted at home to a species of government, neither laid down in Aristotle nor Plato, in short, it partook of the nature of a pure, unmixed tyr- anny, and is familiarly denominated petticoat gov- ernment ; — an absolute sway, which, although exceedingly common in these modern days, was very rare among the ancients, if we may judge from the rout made about the domestic economy of honest Socrates ; which is the only ancient case on record. The great Kieft, however, warded off all the 6neers and sarcasms of his particular friends, who are ever ready to joke with a man on sore points of the kind, by alleging that it was a government «)f his own election, to which he submitted through choice, adding at the same time a profound maxim which he had found in an ancient author, that " he who would aspire to govern^ should first learn to oheyr 248 HISTORY OF N.EW YORK. CHAPTER m. IN WHICH ARE RECORDED THE SAGE PROJECTS OP A RULER OP UNIVEa* SAL GENIUS — THE ART OF FIGHTING BY PROCLAMATION — AND HO^ THAT THE VALIANT JACOBUS VAN OURLET CAME TO BE FOULLY DIS- HONORED AT FORT GOED HOOP. I EVER was a more comprehensive, a more expeditious, or, what is still better, a more economical measure devised, than this of defeating the Yankees by procla- mation, — an expedient, likewise, so gentle and humane, there were ten chances to one in favor of its succeeding ; but then there was one chance to ten that it would not succeed, — as the ill- natured fates would have it, that single chance carried the day ! The proclamation was perfect in all its parts, well constructed, well written, well sealed, and well published ; all that was wanting to insure its effect was, that the Yan- kees should stand in awe of it ; but, provoking to relate, they treated it with the most absolute contempt, applied it to an unseemly purpose ; and thus did the first warlike proclamation come to a shameful end, — a fate which I am credibly biformed has befallen but too many of its suc- cessors. So far from abandoning the country, those Varlets continued their encroachments, squatting HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 249 along the green banks of the Varsche river, and founding Hartford, Stamford, New Haven, and other border-towns. I have already shown how the onion patches of Pyquag were an eye-sore to Jacobus Van Curlet and his garrison ; but now these moss-troopers increased in their atrocities, kidnapping hogs, impounding horses, and some- times grievously rib-roasting their owners. Our worthy forefathers could scarcely stir abroad without danger of being out-jockeyed in horse- flesh, or taken in in bargaining ; while, m their absence, some daring Yankee peddler would pen- etrate to their household, and nearly ruin the good housewives with tin ware and wooden bowls. ^ I am well aware of the perils which environ me in this part of my history. Wliile raking with curious hand but pious heart, among the 1 The following cases in point appear in Hazard's Collection of State Papers. " In the meantime, they of Hartford have not onely usurped and taken in the lands of Connecticott, although unright- eously and against the lawes of nations but have hindered our nation in sowing theire own purchased broken up lands, but have also sowed them with corne in the night, which the Nederlanders had broken up and intended to sowe : and have beaten the servants of the high and mighty the hon- ored companie, which were laboring upon theire master's lands, from theire lands, with sticks and plow staves in hostile manner laming, and amom; the rest, struck Ever Duckings ,'Evert Duyckink] a iiole in his head, with a stick, so that the bloode ran duwne very strongly downe upon his body." " Those of Hartford sold a hogg,"that belonged to the hon- ored companie, under pretence that it had eaten of theire grounde grass, when they had not any foot of inheritance. They proffered the hogg for 5s. if the commissioners would have given 5.s. for daninge ; which the commissioners denied, oecause noe man's own hogg (as men used to say) can tres- jass upon his owne master's grounde.'* 250 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. mouldering remains of former days, anxious to draw therefrom the honey of wisdom, I may fare Boraewhat like that valiant worthy, Samson, who, in meddling with the carcass of a dead lion, drew a swarm of bees about his ears. Thus, while narratmg the many misdeeds of the Yanokie or Yankee race, it is ten chances to one but I offend the morbid sensibilities of certain of their mirea- sonable descendants, who may fly out and raise such a buzzing about this unlucky head of mine, that I shall need the tough hide of an Achilles, or an Orlando Furioso, to protect me from their stings. Should such be the case, I should deeply and sincerely lament, — not my misfortune in giving offence, but the wrong-headed perverseness of an ill-natured generation, in taking offence at anything I say. That their ancestors did use my ancestors ill is true, and I am very sorry for it. I would, with all my heart, the fact were othermse ; but as I am recording the sacred events of history, I 'd not bate one nail's breadth of the honest truth, though I were sure the whole edition of my work would be bought up and burnt by the common hangman of Connecti- cut. And in sooth, now that these testy gentle- men have drawn me out, I will make bold to go farther, and observe that this is one of the grand purposes for which we impartial historians are sent into the world, — to redress wrongs and render justice on the heads of the guilty. So that, though a powerful nation may wrong its neighbors with temporary impunity, yet sooner HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 251 or later an historian springs up, who wreaks ample chastisement on it in return. Thus these moss-troopers of the east little thought, I '11 warrant it, while they were harass- ing the inoffensive province of Nieuw Necler- landts, and driving its unhappy governor to his wit's end, that an historian would ever arise, and give them their own, with interest. Since, then, I am but performing my bounden duty as an historian, in avenging the wrongs of our revered ancestors, I shall make no further apology ; and, indeed, when it is considered that I have all these ancient borderers of the east in my power, and at the mercy of my pen, I trust that it will be admitted I conduct myself mth great human- ity and moderation. It was long before William the Testy could be persuaded that his much-vaunted war-measure was ineffectual ; on the contrary, he flew in a passion whenever it was doubted, swearing that, though slow in operating, yet when it once began to work, it would soon purge the land of these invaders. When convinced, at length, of the truth, like a shrewd physician he attributed the failure to the quantity, not the quality of the medicine, and resolved to double the dose. He fulminated, therefore, a second proclamation, more vehement than the first, forbidding all intercourse with these Yankee intruders, ordering the Dutch burghers on the frontiers to buy none of their pacing horses, measly pork, apple-sweet- meats, AVeathersfield onions, or wooden bowls, and to furnish tliem with no supplies of gin, gin- gerbread, or sourkrout. 252 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Another interval elapsed, during which the last proclamation was as little regarded as the first ; and the non-intercourse was especially set at naught by the young folks of both sexes, if we may judge by the active bundlmg which took place along the borders. At length, one day the inhabitants of New Amsterdam were aroused by a furious barking of dogs, great and small, and beheld, to their sur- prise, the whole garrison of Fort Goed Hoop straggling into town all tattered and wayworn, with Jacobus Van Curlet at their head, bringing the melancholy intelligence of the captm'e of Fort Goed Hoop by the Yankees. The fate of this important fortress is an im- pressive warning to all military commanders. It was neither carried by stoi'in nor famine ; nor was it undermined ; nor l^ombarded ; nor set on fire by red-hot shot ; but was taken by a strata- gem no less singular than effectual, and which can never fail of success, whenever an opportu- nity occurs of putting it in practice. It seems that the Yankees had received intelli- gence that tlie garrison of Jacobus Van Curlet had been reduced nearly one eighth by the death of two of his most corpulent soldiers, who liad overeaten themselves on fat salmon caught in the Varsche river. A secret expedition was imme- diately set on foot to surprise the fortress. The crafty enemy, kno^ving the habits of the garrison to sleep soundly after they had eaten their din- ners and smoked their pipes, stole upon them at the noontide of a sultry summer's day, and sur- prised them in the midst of their slumbers. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 253 In an instant the flag of their High Mighti- nesses was lowered, and the Yankee standard elevated in its stead, being a dried codfish, by- way of a spread eagle. A strong garrison was appointed, of long-sided, hard-fisted Yankees, with Weathersfield onions for cockades and feathers. As to Jacobus Van Curlet and his men, they were seized by the nape of the neck, conducted to the gate, and one by one dismissed with a kick in the crupper, as Charles XII. dismissed the heavy-bottomed Russians at the battle of Narva ; Jacobus Van Curlet receiving two kicks in con- sideration of his official dignity. 254 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. OONTAININQ THE FEARFUL WRATH OP "WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND THl ALARM OF NEW AMSTERDAM — HOW THE GOVERNOR DID STRONGLY FOR- TIFY THE CITY — OP THE RISE OF ANTONY THE TRUMPETER, AND THB WINDY ADDITION TO THE ARMORIAL BEARINGS OF NEW AMSTERDAM. ANGUAGE camiot express the awful ire of William the Testy on hearing of the catastrophe at Fort Goed Hoop. For three good hours his rage was too great for words, or rather the words were too great for him, (being a very small man,) and he was nearly choked by the misshapen, mne - cornered Dutch oaths and epithets which crowded at once into his gullet. At length his words found vent, and for three days he kept up a constant discharge, anathematizing the Yankees, man, woman, and child, for a set of dieven, schobbejacken, deuge- nieten, twistzoekeren, blaes-kaken, loosen-schal- ken, kakken-bedden, and a thousand other names, of which, unfortunately for posterity, history does not make mention. Finally, he swore that he would have notliing more to do with such a squat- ting, bundling, guessing, questionmg, swapping, pumpkin - eating, molasses - daubing, shingle - split- ting, cider-Avatering, horse-jockey mg, notion-ped- dling crew ; that they might stay at Fort Goed Hoop and rot, before he would dirty bis handa HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 255 by attempting to drive them away : in proof of which he ordered the new-raised troops to be marched forthwith into winter-quarters, although it was not as yet quite midsummer. Great despondency now fell upon the city of New Am- sterdam. It was feared that the conquerors of Fort Goed Hoop, flushed with victory and apple- brandy, might march on to the capital, take it by storm, and aimex the whole province to Connect- icut. The name of Yankee became as terrible among the Nieuw Nedei'landers as was that of Gaul among the ancient Romans ; insomuch that the good wives of the Manhattoes used it as a bugbear wherewith to frighten theii' unruly chil- dren. Everybody clamored around the governor, im- ploring him to put the city in a complete posture of defence ; and he Listened to their clamors. Nobody could accuse WilHam the Testy of being idle in time of danger, or at any other time. He was never idle, but then he was often busy to very little purpose. When a youngling, he had been impressed with the words of Solomon, " Gro to the ant, thou sluggard, observe her ways and be wise ; " in conformity to which he had ever been of a restless, ant-like turn, hurrying hither and thither, nobody knew why or where- fore, busying himself about small matters mth an air of great importance and anxiety, and toiling at a grain of mustard-seed in the full conviction that he was moving a mountain. In the present instance, he called in all his inventive powers to his aid, and was continually pondering over plans, 256 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. making diagrams, and worrying about -vvith a troop of workmen and projectors at his heels. At length, after a world of consultation and con- trivance, his plans of defence ended in rearing a great flag -staff in the centre of the fort, aud perching a wind-mill on each bastion. These warlike preparations in some measure allayed the public alarm, especially after an addi- tional means of securing the safety of the city had been suggested by the governor's lady. It has already been hinted in this most authentic history, that in the domestic establishment of WiUiam the Testy " the gray mare Avas the bet- ter horse " ; in other words, that his "vvife "• ruled the roast," and in governing the governor, gov- erned the province, wliich might thus be said to be under petticoat government. Now it came to pass, that about this time there lived in the Manhattoes a jolly, robustious trum- peter, named Antony Van Corlear, famous for his long wind ; and who, as the story goes, could twang so potently upon his instrument, that the effect upon all within hearing was like that ascribed to the Scotch bagpipe when it sings right lustily i' the nose. This sounder of brass was moreover a lusty bachelor, ^vith a pleasant, burly visage, a long nose, and huge whiskers. He had his little hoio- eric, or retreat, in the country, where he led a roistering life, giving dances to the wives and daughters of the burghers of the Manhattoes, insomuch that he became a prodigious favorite with all the women, young and old. He is said HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 257 to have been the first to collect that famous toll levied on the fair sex at Kissmg Bridge, on the highway to Hellgate.^ To tliis sturdy bachelor the eyes of all the women were turned in this time of darkness and peril, as the very man to second and carry out Ihe plans of defence of the governor. A kind of petticoat council was forthwith held at the go\ ernment house, at which the governor's lady presided ; and tliis lady, as has been hinted, being all potent with the governor, the result of these councils was the elevation of Antony the Trum- peter to the post of commandant of wind-mills and champion of New Amsterdam. The city being thus fortified and garrisoned, it would have done one's heart o-ood to see the o:ov- ernor snapping his fingers and fidgeting with de- light, as the trumpeter strutted up and down the ramparts, twanging defiance to the whole Yankee race, as does a modern editor to all the principal- ities and powers on the other side of the Atlantic. In the hands of Antony Van Corlear this wmdy instrument appeared to him as potent as the horn of the paladin Astolpho, or even the more classic horn of Alecto ; nay, he had almost the temerity to compare it with the rams' horns celebrated in h(ily writ, at the very sound of Avhich the walls of Jericho fell down. Be all this as it may, the apprehensions of hos- tilities from the east gradually died away. The 1 The bridge here mentioned by Mr. Knickerbocker still existn; but it is said that the toll is seldom collected nowa- days- exceptiu.i^ on sleighing-parties, by the descendants of the Dairiarchs, who still preserve the traditions of the citv. 17 258 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Yankees made no further invasion ; nay, they de- clared they had only taken possession of Fort Goed Hoop as being erected within their territo- ries. So far from manifesting hostility, they con- tinued to throng to New Amsterdam with the most innocent comitenances imaginable, filling the market with their notions, being as ready to trade with the Nederlanders as ever, and not a whit more prone to get to the windward of them in a bargain. The old wives of the Manhattoes, who took tea with the governor's lady, attributed all this affected moderation to the awe inspired by the military preparations of the governor, and the windy prowess of Antony the Trumpeter. There were not wanting illiberal minds, how- ever, who sneered at the governor for thinking to defend his city as he governed it, by mere "wind ; but William Kieft was not to be jeered out of his wind-mills : he had seen them perched upon the ramparts of his native city of Saardam, and was persuaded they were coimected with the great science of defence ; nay, so much piqued was he by having them made a matter of ridicule, that he introduced them into the arms of the city, where they remain to this day, quartered with the ancient beaver of the Manhattoes, an emblem and memento of his policy. I must not omit to mention that certain wise old burghers of the Manhattoes, skilful in ex- pomiding signs and mysteries, after events have come to pass, consider this early intrusion of the wind-mill into the escutcheon of our city, which niSTURY OF NEW YORK. 2o9 before had been wholly occupied by the beavei, as portentous of its after fortune, when the quiet Dutchman would be elbowed aside by the enter- prising Yankee, and patient industry overtoppoxi by windy speculation. 260 HIHTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER V. ftf THE ;URISPRUDENCE OF WILLIAM THE TESTY, AND HIS ADMIBABLI EXPEDIENTS FOR THE SUPPRESSION OF POVERTY. ^g;^^MONG the wrecks and fragments of ex- r^^^® alted wisdom, which have floated down 'v^^)^ the stream of time from venerable an- tiquity, and been picked up by those humble but industrious wights who ply along the shores of literature, we find a shrewd ordinance of Charon- das the Locrian legislator. Anxious to preserve the judicial code of the State from the additions and amendments of country members and seek- ers of popularity, he ordained that, whoever pro- posed a new \<\\v should do it Avitli a halter about his neck ; whereby, in case his proposition were rejected, they just hung him up — and thei'e the matter ended. The effect was, that for more than two hundred years there was but one trifling alteration \\\ tliC judicial code ; and legal matters were so clear and simple tliat the whole race of lawyers starved to death for want of employment. The Locri- ans, too, being freed from all incitement to litiga- tion, lived very lovingly together, and were so happy a people that tliey make scarce any figure in bistorj? , it being only your litigious, quarrelsome, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 261 rantipole nations who make much noise in the world. I have been reminded of these historical facts in coming to treat of the internal policy of Wil- liam the Testy. Well would it have been for him had he in the course of his univei'sal acquire- ments stumbled upon the precaution of the good Charondas, or had he looked nearer home at the protectorate of Oloffe *he Dreamer, when the community was governed without laws. Such legislation, however, was not suited to the busy, meddling mind of William the Testy. On the contrary, he conceived that the true w^isdom of legislation consisted in the multiplicity of laws. He accordingly had great punishments for great crimes, and little punishments for little offences By degrees the whole surface of society was cut up by ditches and fences, and quickset hedges of the law, and even the sequestered paths of pri vate life so beset by petty rules and ordinances, too numerous to be remembered, that one could scarce walk at large without the risk of letting off a spring-gun or fallmg into a man-trap. In a little while the blessings of innumerable laws became apparent ; a class of men arose to expound and confound them. Petty courts were instituted to take cognizance of petty offences, pettifoggers began to abound ; and the commu- nity was soon set together by the ears. Let me not be thought as intending anything derogatory to the profession of the law, or to the distinguished members of that illustrious order. Well am I aware that we have in this ancient 262 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. city innumerable worthy gentlemen, the knights- errant of modern days, who go about redressing wronfj-s and defendiu"; the defenceless, not for the love of filthy lucre, nor the selfish cravings of renown, but merely for the pleasure of doing good. Sooner would I throw this trusty pen uito the flames, and cork up my ink-bottle forever, than infringe even for a nail's breadth upon the dignity of these truly benevolent chjmipions of the distressed. On the contrary, 1 allude merely to those caitiff scouts who, in these latter days of evil, infest the skirts of the profession, as did the recreant Cornish knights of yore the honorable order of chivalry, — who, under its auspices, com- mit flagrant wrongs, — who thrive by quibbles, by quirks and chicanery, and like vermin increase the corruption in which they are engendered. Nothing so soon awakens the malevolent pas- sions as the facility of gratification. The courts of law would never be so crowded with petty, vexatious, and disgraceful suits, Avere it not for the herds of pettifoggers. These tamper with the passions of the poorer and more ignorant classes, who, as if poverty were not a sufficient misery in itself, are ever ready to imbitter it by litigation. These, like quacks in medicine, excite the malady to piont by the cure, and retard the cure to aug- ment the fees. As the quack exhausts the con- etitution, the pettifogger exhausts the purse ; and as he who has once been under the hands of a quack is forever after prone to dabble in drugs, and poison himself with infallible prescriptions, so the client of the pettifogger is ever after prone HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 263 to embroil himself with his neighbors, and im- poverish himself with successful lawsuits. My readers will excuse this digression into which I have been unwarily betrayed ; but I could not avoid giving a cool and unprejudiced account of an abomination too prevalent in this excellent city, and with the effects of which I am ruefully acquainted : having been nearly ruined by a law- suit which was decided against me ; and my ruin having been completed by another, which was decided in my favor. To return to our theme. There was nothing in the whole range of moral offences against which the jurisprudence of William the Testy was more strenuously directed than the crying sin of poverty. He pronounced it the root of all evil, and determined to cut it up, root and branch, and extirpate it from the land. He had been struck, in the course of his travels in the old countries of Europe, with the wisdom of those notices posted up in country towns, that " any vagrant found begging there would be put in the stocks," and he had observed that no beggars were to be seen in these neighborhoods ; having doubtless thrown off their rag and their poverty, and become rich under the terror of the law. He determined to improve upon this hint. In a little while a new machine, of his own invention, was erected hard by Dog's Misery. This was nothing more nor less than a gibbet, of a very strange, uncouth, and unmatchable construction, %r more efficacious, as he boasted, than the Btocks, for the punishment of poT'erty. It was 264 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. for altitude not a whit inferior to that of HamaD BO renoAvned in Bible history ; but the marvel of the contrivance was, tliat the culprit, instead of being suspended by the neck, accordhig to vener- able custom, was hoisted by the waistband, and kept dangling and sprawling between heaven and earth for an hour or two at a time — to the infinite entertainment and edification of the re- spectable citizens who usually attend exhibitions of the kind. It is incredible liow the little governor chuckled at beholding caitiff vagrants and sturdy beggars thus swinging by tlie crupper, and cutting antic gambols in the air. He had a thousand pleas- antries and mirtliful conceits to utter upon these occasions. He called them his dandle-lions — liis wild-fowl — his high-fiiers — liis spread-eagles — his goshawks — his scare-crows — and finally, his gallows-birds ; which ingenious appellation, though originally confined to Avorthies who had taken the air in this strange manner, has since grown to be a cant name given to all candidates for legal ele- vation. This punishment, moreover, if we may credit the assertions of certain grave etymologists, gave the first hint for a kind of harnessing, or strapping, by which our forefiithers braced up their multifarious breeches, and which has of late years been revived, and continues to be worn at (he present day. Such was the punishment of all petty delin- quents, vagrants and beggars and others detected in being guilty of poverty in a small way ; as to those Avho hiwl offended on a great scale, who HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ^G5 had been guilty of flagrant misfortunes and enor- mous backslidings of the purse, and who stood convicted of large debts, which they were unable to pay, William Kieft had them straightway inclosed -within the stone walls of a prison, there to remain until they should reform and gi'ow rich. This notable expedient, however, does not appear to have been more efficacious under Wil- liam the Testy than in more modern days : it being found that the longer a poor devil was kept in prison the poorer he grew. 266 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VI. r»OJECTS OP WILLIAM THE TESTT FOR INCREASINQ THE CURBENCY - HE IS ODTWITTED BY THE YANKEES — THE GREAT OYSTER WAR. I EXT to his projects for the suppression of poverty may be classed those of Wil- ham the Testy, for increasing the wealth of New Amsterdam. Solomon, of whose char- acter for wisdom the little governor was some- what emulous, had made gold and silver as plenty as the stones in the streets of Jerusalem. William Kieft could not pretend to vie with liim as to the precious metals, but he determined, as an equivalent, to flood the streets of New Ajuster- dam with Indian money. This was nothing more nor less than strings of beads wrought of clams, periwinkles, and other shell-fish, and called sea- want or wampum. These had formed a native currency among the simple savages, who were content to take them of the Dutchmen in ex- change for peltries. In an milucky moment, William the Testy, seeing this money of easy production, conceived the project of making it the current coin of the province. It is true it had an intrinsic value among the Indians, who used it to ornament their robes and moccasons, but among the honest burghers it had no more hitrinsic value than those rags which form thc" HISTORY OF NFAV YORK. 267 paper currency of modern days. This consider- ation, however, had no weight with William Kieft. He began by paying all the servants of the company, and all the debts of government, in strings of wampum. He sent emissaries to sweep the shores of Long Island, which was the Ophir of this modern Solomon, and abounded in shell-fish. These were transported in loads to New Amsterdam, coined into Indian money, and launched into circulation. And now, for a time, affairs Avent on smra- mingly ; money became as plentiful as in the modern days of paper currency, and, to use the popular phrase, " a wonderful impulse was given to public prosperity." Yankee traders poured into the province, buymg everything they could lay their hands on, and paying the worthy Dutch- men their own price — ui Indian money. If the latter, however, attempted to pay the Yankees in the same coin for then' tin ware and wooden bowls, the case was altered ; nothing would do but Dutch guilders and such like " metallic currency.'* Wliat was worse, the Yankees introduced an in- ferior kind of wampum made of oyster-shells, with wliich they deluged the province, carrying off in exchange all the silver and gold, the Dutch herrings, and Dutch cheeses : thus early did the knowing men of the east manifest their skill in bargaining the New Amsterdammers out of the oyster, and leaving them the shell.' 1 In a manuscript record of the province, dated 1659, Li- Drarj' of the New York Historical Society, is the following luen'tion of Indian money: " Seawant alias wampum. Beads manufactured from the 268 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. It wiis a long time before "William the Testy was made sensible how completely his grand pro- ject of finance was turned against him by his eastern neighbors ; nor would he probably have ever found it out, had not tidings been brought liim that the Yankees had made a descent upon Long Island, and had established a kind of mint at Oyster Bay, where they were coirdiig up all the oyster-banks. Now this was making a vital attack upon the province in a double sense, financial and gastro- nomical. Ever smce the council-dimier of OlofFe the Dreamer at the founding of New Amsterdam, at which banquet the oyster figured so conspic- uously, this divine shell-fish has been held in a kind of superstitious reverence at the Manhat- toes ; as witness the temples erected to its cult in every street and lane and alley. In fact, it is the standard luxury of the place, as is the terra- pin at Philadelphia, the soft crab at Baltimore, or the canvas-back at Washington. The seizure of Oyster Bay, therefore, was an outrage not merely on the pockets, but the lard- Quahang or icilk : a shell-fish formerly abounding on our coasts, but lately of more rare occurrence, of two colors, black and white; the former twice the value of the latter. Six beads of the white and three of the black for an English penny. Tlie seawant depreciates from time to time. The New-England people make use of it as a means of barter, not only to carry away the best cargoes wliich we send thither, but to accumulate a large quantity of beavers and other Jurs; by which the company is defrauded of her revenues, and the merchants disappointed in making returns with that speed with which they might wish to meet their engagements; «vhile their commissioners and the inhabitants remain over- Btocked with seawant, — a sort of currency of no value except with the New Netherland savages, &c." HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 269 grs of the New Amsterdammers ; the whole eom- 4nuiiity was aroused, and an oyster crusade was immediately set on foot agamst the Yankees. Every stout trencherman hastened to the stand- ard ; nay, some of the most corptdent Burgomas- t(,'ie and Schepens joined the expedition as a corps de reserve, only to be called into action when the sacking commenced. The conduct of the expedition was intrusted to a valiant Dutchman, who for size and weight might have matched with Colbrand the Danish champion, slain by Guy of Warwick. He was famous throughout the province for strength of arm and skill at quarter-staff, and hence was named Stoffel Brinkerhoff, or rather, Brinker- hoofd, that is to say, Stoffel the head-breaker. Tliis sturdy commander, who was a man of few words but vigorous deeds, led his troops reso- lutely on through Nineveh, and Babylon, and Jericho, and Patch-hog, and other Long Island towns, without encountering any difficulty of note ; though it is said that some of the burgo- masters gave out at Hardseramble Hill and Hun- gry Hollow, and that others lost heart and turned back at Puss-panick. With the rest he made good his march until he arrived in the neigribc r- hood of Oyster Bay. Here he was encountered by a host jf Yan- kee warriors, headed by Preserved Fish, and Habakkuk Nuiter, and Return Strong, and Ze- rubbabel Fisk, and Determined Cock ! at the sound of whose names Stoffel Brinkerhoff verily beheved tlie Avhole parliament of Praise-God 270 HISTORY OF NEW YCRK. Barebones had been let loose upon him. Pie Boon found, however, that they were merely the " selectmen " of the settlement, armed with no weapon but the tongue, and disposed only to meet him on the field of argument. Stoffel had but one mode of arguing, that was, with the cud- gel ; but he used it Avith such effect that he rout- ed his antagonists, broke up the settlement, and would have driven the inhabitants into the sea if they had not managed to escape across the Sound to the mainland by the De\ars stepping-stones, whicli remain to this day monuments of this great Dutch victory over the Yankees. Stoffel Brinkerhoff" made great spoil of oysters and clams, coined and imcoined, and then set out on his return to the ISIanliattoes. A grand tri- umph, after the mamier of the ancients, was pre- pared for him by William the Testy. He en- tered New Amsterdam as a conqueror, mounted on a Narraganset pacer. Five dried codfish on poles, standards taken from the enemy, were borne before him, and an immense store of oysters and clams, Weathersfield onions, and Yankee " notions " formed the spoUa opima ; while sev- eral coiners of oyster-shells were led captive to grace the hero's triumpli. The procession was accompanied by a full l)and of boys and negroes, perfoi-ming on the pop- ular instruments of rattle-bones and clam-shells, while Antony Van Corlear sounded his trumpet from the ramparts. A great banquet was served up in the stadt- house from the clams and oysters t^iken from the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 271 enemy ; while the governor sent the shells pri vately to the mint, and had them coined into In dian money, with which he paid his troops. It is moreover said that the governor, calling to mind the practice among the ancients to honor their victorious general with public statues, passed a magnanimous decree, by which every tavern- keeper was permitted to paint the head of StofTel Brinkerhoff upon his sign I 272 lAiaroJiY of new yorr. CHAPTER Vn. JBOWINQ DISCONTENTS OF NEW AMSTERDAM UNDER THE QOVERNJCENl OF WILLIAM THE TESTY. T has been remarked by the observant writer of tlie Stuyvesaiit manuscript, that under the administration of William Kieft the disposition of tlie inhabitants of New Amsterdam experienced an essential change, so that they became very meddlesome and factious. The unfortunate propensity of the little governoi to experiment and innovation, and the frequent exacerbations of his temper, kept his council in a continual worry ; and the council being to the people at large what yeast or leaven is to a batch, they tiirew the whole community in a ferment ; and the people at large being to the city Avhat the mind is to the body, the unhappy commotions they underwent operated most disastrously upon New Amsterdam, — insomucli that, in certain of tlieir paroxysms of consternation and perplexity, they begat several of the most crooked, distorted, and abominable streets, lanes, and alleys, with which this metropolis is disfigured. The fact was, that about this time the commu- nity, like Balaam's ass, began to grow moi^ enlightened than its rider, and to show a disposi- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 273 tion for what is called " self-government." This restive propensity was first evinced in certain popular nieetings, m which the burghers of New Amsterdam met to talk and smoke over the com- plicated affairs of the province, gradually obfus- cating themselves with politics and tobacco-smoke. Hither resorted those idlers and squires of low degree who hang loose on society and are blown about by every wind of doctrine. Cobblers aban- doned their stalls to give lessons on political econ- omy ; blacksmiths suffered their fires to go out while they stirred up the fires of faction ; and even tailors, though said to be the ninth parts of humanity, neglected their own measm'es to criti- cize the measures of government. Strange ! that the science of government, which seems to be so generally understood, should invariably be denied to the only one called upon to exercise it. Not one of the politicians in question, but, take his word for it, could have ad- ministered affairs ten times better than William the Testy. Under the instructions of these political ora- cles the good people of New Amsterdaia soon became exceedingly enlightened, and, as a matter of course, exceedingly discontented. They grad- ually found out the fearful error in wliich they had indulged, of thinking themselves the happi- est people in creation, and were convinced that, all circumstances to the contrary notmthstanding, they were a very unhappy, deluded, and conse quently ruined people ! We are naturally prone to discontent, and 18 274 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. avaricious after imaginary causes of lamentatioa Like lubberly monks Ave belabor our o\w\ shoul- ders, and take a vast satisfaction in the music of our own groans. Nor is tliis said by way of paradox ; daily experience shows the truth of these observations. It is almost impossible to elevate the spirits of a man groaning under ideal calamities ; but nothing is easier than to render liim Avretched, though on the pinnacle of felicity ; as it would be an Herculean task to hoist a man to the top of a steeple, though the merest child could topple him off thence. I must not omit to mention that these popular meetings Avere generally held at some noted tav- ern, these public edifices possessing Avhat in mod- ern times are thought the true fountains of polit- ical inspiration. The ancient Greeks deliberated upon a matter Avhen drunk, and reconsidered it Avhen sober. Mob -politicians in modern times dislike to have tAvo minds upon a subject, so thoy both deliberate and act Avhen drunk ; by this means a Avorld of delay is spared ; and as it is universally allowed that a man Avlien drunk seea double, it follows conclusively that he sees twice AS well as his sober neighbors. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 275 CHAPTER Vm. 9r TUB EDICT OP WILLIAM THE TESTY AGAINST TOBACCO — OF THB PIPE-PLOT, AND THE RISE OP FEUDS AND PARTIES. ^ILHELMUS KIEFT, as has already ^^ been observed, was a great legislator on a small scale, and had a microscopic eye in public affairs. He had been greatly an- noyed by the factious meeting of the good people of New Amsterdam, but, observing that on these occasions the pipe was ever in their mouth, he be- gan to think that the pipe was at the bottom of the affair, and that there was some mysterious affinity between politics and tobacco-smoke. De- termined to strike at the root of the evil, he began forthwith to rail at tobacco, as a noxious, nauseous weed, filthy in all its uses ; and as to smoking, he denomiced it as a heavy tax upon the public pocket, — a vast consumer of time, a great encourager of idleness, and a deadly bane to the prosperity and morals of the people. Finally he issued an edict, prohibiting the smok- ing of tobacco throuo;hout the New Netherlands. Ll-fated Kieft ! Had he lived in the present age and attempted to check the unbounded license of the press, he could not have struck more sorely upon the sensibiHties of the milHon. The pipe, 276 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. in fact, was the great organ of reflection and deliberation of the New Netherlander. It waa his constant companion and solace : was he gay, he smoked ; was he sad, he smoked ; his jDipe was never out of his mouth ; it was a part of his physiognomy ; without it his best friends would not know him. Take away his pipe ? You might as well take away his nose ! The immediate effect of the edict of William the Testy was a popular commotion. A vast multitude, armed with pipes and tobacco-boxes, and an immense supply of ammunition, sat them- selves down before the governor's house, and fell to smoking with tremendous violence. The testy William issued forth like a wrathful spider, demanduio; the reason of this lawless fumi!2;ation. The sturdy rioters replied by lolling back in their seats, and puffing away with redoubled fury, rais- ing such a murky cloud that the governor was fain to take refuge in the interior of his castle. A long negotiation ensued tlu-ough the medium of Antony the Trumpeter. The governor was at first wrathful and unyielding, but was gradually smoked into terms. He concluded by permitting the smoking of tobacco, but he abolished the fair long pipes used in the days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, denoting ease, tranquillity, and sobriety of deportment; these he condemned iis incompatible with the despatch of business, in place whereof he substituted little captious short pipes, two inches in length, which, he observed, could be Btuck in one corner of the mouth, or twisted in the hat-band, and would never be in the way. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 211 riius ended this alarming insurrection, which was long known by the name of The Pipe-Plot, and which, it has been somewhat quaintly observed, did end, like most plots and seditions, in mere smoke. But mark, oh, reader ! the deplorable evils which did afterwards result. The smoke of these villanous little pipes, continually ascending in a cloud about the nose, penetrated into and befogged the cerebellum, dried up all the kindly moisture of the brain, and I'endered the people who use them as vaporish and testy as the gov- ernor himself. Nay, what is worse, from being goodly, biu'ly, sleek -conditioned men, they be- came, like our Dutch yeomanry who smoke short pipes, a lantern-jawed, smoke-dried, leath- ern-! lided race. Nor was this all. From tliis fatal schism in tobacco-pipes we may date tlie rise of parties in the Nieuw Nederlands. The rich and self-im- portant burghers who had made their fortmies, and could afford to be lazy, adhered to the ancient fashion, and formed a kind of aristocracy known as the Long Pipes ; wliile the lower order, adopting the reform of WilHam Kieft as more convenient in their handicraft employments, were branded with the plebeian name of Short Pipes. A third party sprang up, headed by the de- scendants of Robert Chewit, the companion of the great Hudson. These discarded pipes altogether and took to chewing tobacco ; hence they were called Quids, — an appellation since given to those 278 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. political mongrels, which sometimes spring up between two great parties, as a mule is produced between a liorse and an ass. And here I would note the great benefit of party distinctions in saving the people at large the trouble of thinking. Hesiod divides man- kind into three classes, — those who think for themselves, those who think as others think, and those who do not think at all. The second class comprises the great mass of society ; for most people require a set creed and a file-leader. Hence the origin of party : which means a large body of people, some few of whom tliink, and all the rest talk. The former take the lead and discipline the latter ; prescribing what they must say, what they must approve, what they must hoot at, whom they must support, but, above all, whom they must hate ; for no one can be a right good partisan, who is not a thorough-gouig hater. The enli2:htened inhabitants of the Manhat- toes, therefore, being divided into parties, were enabled to hate each other with great accuracy. And now the great business of politics went bravely on, the long pipes and short pipes assem- bling in separate beer-liouses, and smokuig at each other with implacable vehemence, to the great support of the State and profit of the tav- ern-keepers. Some, indeed, went so far as to bespatter their adversaries with those odoriferous little words whicli smell so strong in the Dutch language, believing, like true politicians, that they served their party, and glorified tliemselves ill proportion as they bewrayed their neighbors. HISTORY OF N^W YORK. 279 But, however they might differ among them- Belves, all parties agreed in abusing the governor, seeing that he was not a governor of their choice, but appomted by others to rule over them. Unhappy William Kieft ! exclaims the sage writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, doomed to contend with enemies too knowing to be en- trapped, and to reign over a people too wise to be governed. All his foreign expeditions were baffled and set at naught by the all-pervading Yankees ; all his home measures were canvassed and condemned by " numerous and respectable meetings " of pot-house politicians. In the multitude of counsellors, we are told, tliere is safety ; but the multitude of counsellors was a continual source of perplexity to William Kieft. With a temperament as hot as an old nidish, and a mind subject to perpetual vrhirl- winds and tornadoes, he never failed to get into a passion ^vitli every one who undertook to advise him. 1 have observed, however, that your passionate little men, like small boats with large sails, are easily upset or blown out of their course ; so w^as it with William the Testy, who was prone to be carried away by the last piece )f advice blown into his ear. The consequence was, that, though a projector of the first class, yet by continually changing his projects he gave aone a fair trial ; and by endeavoring to do everything, he in sober truth did nothing. In the mean time, the sovereign people got iiito the saddle, showed themselver;, as usual, 280 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. unmerciful riders ; spurring on the little govern or with harangues and petitions, and thwarting hun with, memorials and reproaches, in much the same way as holiday apprentices manage an unlucky devil of a hack-horse, — so that Wilhel- raus Kieft was kept at a worry or a gallop throughout the whole of his admmistration. BISTORT OF NEW YORK 281 CHAPTER IX. SF THE POLLY OP BEING HAPPY IX TIME OP PROSPERITY — OP TROCBLM TO THE SOUTH BROUGHT ON BY ANNEXATION — OP THE SECRET EXPK- DITION OP JAN JANSEN ALPENDAM, AND HIS MAGNIFICENT REWARD. F we could but get a peep at the tally of dame Fortune, where like a vigilant landlady she chalks up the debtor and creditor accounts of thoughtless mortals, we should find that every good is checked off by an evil, and that, however we may apparently revel scot-free for a season, the tiroe will come when we must ruefully pay off the reckoning. For- tune in fact is a pestilent shrew, and withal an inexorable creditor ; and though for a time she may be all smiles and courtesies ard indulge us in long credits, yet sooner or la^e^' she brings up her arrears with a vengeance, and washes out her scores with our tears. " Since," says f'ood old Boetius, " no man can retain her at his pleas- ure ; what are her favors but sure prognostica- tions of approaching trouble and calamity ? " This is the fundamental maxim of that sage school of philosophers, the croakers, Avho esteem it true Avisdom to doubt and despond when other men rejoice, Avell knowing that liappiness is at best but transient, — that, the higlier one is ele- 282 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. vated on the seesaw balance of fortune, the lower must be his subsequent depression, — that he who is on the uppermost round of a ladder has most to suffer from a fall, while he who is at the bottom runs very little risk of breaking his neck by tumbling to the top. Philosophical readers of this stamp must have doubtless indulsred in dismal forebodinos all through the tranquil reign of Walter the Doubt- er, and considered it what Dutch seamen call a weather-breeder. They will not be surprised, therefore, that the foul weather which gathered during his days should now be rattling from all quarters on the head of William the Testy. The origin of some of these troubles may be traced quite back to the discoveries and annexa- tions of Hans Reinier Oothout, the explorer, and Wynant Ten Breeches, the land-measurer, made m the twilight days of OlofFe the Dreamer ; by which the territories of the Nieuw Nederlanda were carried far to the south, to Delaware river and parts beyond. The consequence was, many disputes and brawls with the Indians, which now and then reached the drowsy ears of Walter the Doubter and his council, like tlie muttering of distant thunder from behind the mountains, with- out, liowever, disturbing their repose. Tt wns not till the time of William the Testy that the thunderbolt reached the Manhattoes. While the little governor was diligently protecting his east- ern boundaries from the Yankees, word was biought him of the irruption of a vagrant colony :>f Swedes in the south, who had landed on the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 283 banks of the Delaware and displayed the banner of that redoubtable virago Queen Christina, and taken possession of the country in her name. These had been guided in their expedition by one Peter Minuits, or MinneAvits, a renegade Dutchman, formerly in the service of their Higli Mightinesses, but who now declared himself gov- ernor of all the surrounding country, to which was given the name of the province of New Sweden. It is an old saying that " a little pot is soon hot," which was the case with William the Testy. Being a little man, he was soon in a passion, and once in a passion, he soon boiled over. Sum- moning his coimcil on the receipt of this news, he belabored the Swedes in the longest speech that had been heard in the colony since the wordy warfare of Ten Breeches and Tough Breeches. Havino- thus taken off the fire-ed^e of his valoi , he resorted to his favorite measure of proclama- tion, and despatched a document of the kind, or- derins: the reneo:ade Minnewits and his gano; of Swedisli vagabonds to leave the country imme- diately, under pain of the vengeance of their High Mightinesses the Lords States General, and of the potentates of the Manhattoes. This strong measure was not a whit more effectual than its predecessors, Avhich had been tlnuidered against the Yankees ; and William Kieft was preparing to follow it up with some- thing still more formidable, when he received in telligence of other invaders on his southern fion- tier, who had taken possession of the banks of 284 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. the Schuylkill, and built a fort there. They were represented as a gigantic, gunpowder race of men, exceedingly expert at boxing, biting, goug- ing, and other branches of the rough-and-tumblo mode of warfare, wliich they had learned from their prototypes and cousins-german, the Virgin- ians, to whom they have ever borne considerable resemblance. Like them, too, they were great roisters, much given to revel on hoe-cake and bacon, mint-julep and apple-toddy ; whence their newly formed colony had already acquired the name of Merryland, which, with a slight modifi- cation, it retains to the pi'esent day. In fact, the Merrylanders and their cousins, the Virginians, were represented to William Kieft as offsets from the same original stock as his bit- ter enemies the Yanokie, or Yankee tribes of the east, having both come over to this country for the liberty of conscience, or, in other words, to live as they pleased : the Yankees taking to pray- ing and money-making, and converting quakers ; and the Southerners to horse-rachisr and cock- fiofhtin<2:, and breeding? negroes. Against these new hivaders Wilhelmus Kieft immediately despatched a naval armament of two sloops and thirty men, under Jan Jansen Alpen- dam, who was armed to the very teeth with one of the little governor's most powerful speeches, written in vigorous Low Dutch. Admiral Alpendam arrived without accident in the Schuylkill, and came upon the enemy just as they were engaged in a great " barbecue," a kind of festivity or carouse much practised in Meiry- HISTORY OF NEW. YORK. 285 land. Opening upon them with the speech of WiUiam the Te&ty, he denounced them as a pack of lazy, canting, julep -tippling, cock-fighting, hoi-se-racuig, slave-trading, tavern-hunting, Sab- bath-breaking, mulatto-breeding upstarts, and con- cluded by ordering them to evacuate the country immediately : to which they laconically replied in plain EngUsh, " they 'd see liim d — d first ! " Now, this was a reply on which neither Jau Jansen Alpendam nor Wilhelmus Kieft had made any calculation. Finding liimself, there- fore, totally miprepared to answer so terrible a rebuff with suitable hostility, the admiral con- cluded his wisest course would be to return home and report progress. He accordingly steered his course back to New Amsterdam, where he ar rived safe, havmg accomplished this hazardous enterprise at small expense of treasure and no loss of life. His saving policy gained him the universal appellation of the Saviour of his Coun- try ; and his services were suitably rewarded by a shingle monument, erected by subscription on the top of Flattenbarrack Hill, where it immortalized his name for three whole years, when it fell to piec^es and was burnt for firewood. 286 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER X. rROUBLOUS TIMES ON THE HUDSON — HOW KILLIAN VAN RENSELLAM ERECTED A FEUDAL CASTLE, AND HOW HE INTRODUCED CLUB-LAW INTO THE PROVINCE. ^TAMiH BOUT this time the testy little governor 2^^S of the New Netherlands appears to ig^^^)® have had his hands full, and with one annoyance and the other to have been kept con- tinually on the bounce. He was on the very point of following up the expedition of Jan Jan- sen Alpendam by some belligerent measures against the marauders of Merryland, when his attention was suddenly called away by belligerent troubles springing up in another quarter, the seeds of which had been sown in the tranquil days of Walter the Doubter. The reader will recollect the deep doubt into which that most pacific governor was thrown on Killian Van Rensellaer's , taking possession of Beam Island by ivapen recht. While the gov- ernor doubted and did nothing, the lordly Killian went on to complete his sturdy little castellum of Rensellaerstein, and to garrison it with a number of his tenants from the Helderbcirg, a mountain region famous for the hardest heads and hardest fists in the province. Nicholas Koorn, a faithful squire of the patroon, accustomed to strut at his HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 287 heels, wear his cast-off clothes, and imitate his lofty beariijg, was established in this post as wacht-meester. His duty it was to keep an eye on the river, and oblige every vessel that passed, unless on the service of theii* High Mightinesses, to strike its flag, lower its peak, and pay toll to the lord of Rensellaerstein. This assumption of sovereign authority withiu the territories of the Lords States General, how- ever it might have been tolerated by Walter the Doubter, had been sharply contested by William the Testy on coming into office ; and many writ- ten remonstrances had been addressed by him to Killian Van Kensellaer, to which the latter never deigned a reply. Thus, by degrees, a sore place, or, in Hibernian parlance, a raw, had been estab- lished in the irritable soul of the little governor, insomuch that he winced at the very name of Rensellaerstein. Now it came to pass, that, on a fine sunny day. the Company's yacht, the Half-Moon, having been on one of its stated visits to Fort Aurania, was quietly tiding it down the Hudson. The commander, Govert Lockerman, a veteran Dutch skipper of few words but great bottom, was seated on the high poop, quietly smoking his pipe under the shadow of the proud flag of Orange, when, on arriving abreast of Beam Island, he was saluted by a stentorian voice from the she re, " Lower thy flag, and be d — d to thee ! " Govert Lockerman, without taking his pipe out of his mouth, turned up his eye from under his broad-brimmed hat to see who hailed him 288 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. thus discourteously. There, on the ramparts of the fort, stood Nicholas Koorii, armed to the teeth, flourishing a brass-hilted sword, while a steeple-crowned hat and cock's tail-feather, for- merly worn by Killian Van Rensellaer himself, gave an inexpressible loftiness to his demeanor. Govert Lockerman eyed the warrior from top to toe, but was not to be dismayed. Taking the pipe slowly out of his mouth, '' To whom should I lower my flag ? " demanded he. " To the high and mighty Killian Van Rensellaer, the lord of Rensellaerstein ! " was the reply. " I lower it to none but the Prince of Orange and my masters the Lords States General." So saying, he resumed his pipe and smoked with an air of dogged determination. Bang ! went a gun from the fortress ; the ball cut both sail and riggmg. Govert Lockerman said nothing, but smoked the more doggedly. Bang ! went another gun ; the shot wliistled close astern. " Fire, and be d — d," cried Govert Locker- man, cramming a new charge of tobacco into his pipe, and smoking with still increasing volie- mence. Bang! went a third gun. The shot passed over his head, tearing a hole in the " princely (lag of Orange." This was the hardest trial of all for the pride and patience of Gx>vert Lockerman. He main- tained a stubborn, though swelling silence ; but his smothered rage might be perceived by the short vehement puffs of smoke emitted from hia Iffin'OliT OF NEW YORK. 289 pipe, by which he might be tracked for miles, as he slowly floated out of shot and out of sight of Bearn Island. Li fact he never gave vent to his passion until he got faii^ly among the highlands of the Hudson ; when he let fly whole volleys of Dutch oaths, which are said to hnger to this very day among the echoes of the Dunderberg, and to give particular effect to the thmider-storms in that nei2;hborhood. It was the sudden apparition of Govert Lock- erman at Dog's Misery, bearing in his hand the tattered flag of Orange, that arrested the attention of William the Testy, just as he was devising a new expedition against the marauders of Merry- land. I will not pretend to describe the passion of the little man when he heard of the outrage of Rensellaerstein. Suffice it to say, in the first transports of his fury, he turned Dog's JVIisery topsy-turvy ; kicked every cur out of doors, and tlirew the cats out of the window ; after which, his spleen being in some measure relieved, he went mto a council of war with Govert Locker- man, the skipper, assisted by Antony Van Cor- lear, the Trumpeter. 1» 200 HISTORY OF NEiV ^OUA.. CHAPTER XI. it THE DIPLOMATIC MISSION OP ANTONY THE TRUMPETER TO THB MB IRESS OF RENSELLAERSTEIN — AND HOW HE WAS PUZZLED BY A CAB ALISTIC REPLY. ^HE eyes of all New Amsterdam were now turned to see what would be the end of this direful feud between Wil-* liam the Testy and the patroon of Rensellaer- wiek; and some, observing the consultations of the governor with the skipper and the trumpeter, predicted warlike measures by sea and land. The ^vrath of William Kieft, however, though quick to rise, was quick to evaporate. He was a perfect brush-heap in a blaze, snapping and crackling for a time, and then ending in smoke. Like many other valiant potentates, his first thoughts were all for war, his sober second thouglits for diplomacy. Accordingly, Govert Lockerman was once more despatched up the river in the Company's yacht, the Goed Hoop, bearing Antony the Trumpeter as ambassador, to ;.roat with the bellig* erent powers of Rtnsellaerstem. In the fulness of time the yacht arrived before Beam Island, and Antony the Trumpeter, mounting the poop, sounded a parley to the fortress. In a little while the steeple-crowned hat of Nicholas Koorn, the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 291 waclit-meester, rose above the battlements, fol- lowed by his h-on visage, and ultimately his whole person, armed, as before, to the very teeth ; while, one by one, a whole row of Helderbergers reared their round burly heads above the wall, and beside each pumpkin-head peered the end of n rusty musket. Nothing daunted by this formi- dable array, Antony Van Corlear drew forth and read with audible voice a missive from William the Testy, protesting against the usurpation of Beam Island, and ordering the garrison to quit the premises, bag and baggage, on pain of the vengeance of the potentate of the Manhattoes. In reply, the wacht-meester applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the little finger of the right, and spreading each hand like a fon, made an aerial flourish with his fingers. Antony Van Corlear was sorely perplexed to understand this sign, which seemed to him something mysterious and masonic. Not liking to betray his ignorance, he again read with a loud voice the missive of William the Testy, and again Nicholas Koorn applied the thumb of his right hand to the end of his nose, and the tlnmib of his left hand to llie little finger of the right, and repeated tliis kmd of nasal weather-cock. Antony Van Cor- I(!ar now persuaded himself that this was some 3liort-hand sign or symbol, current in diplomacy, which, though imintelligible to a new diplomat, like himself, would speak volumes to the experi- en(;ed intellect of William the Testy ; consider- ing his embassy tlierefore at an end, be sounded 292 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. his trumpet with great complacency, and set sail on Ills return down the river, every now and then practising this mysterious sign of the wacht- m(;ester, to keep it accurately in mind. Arrived at New Amsterdam, he made a faith- ful report of his embassy to the governor, accom- panied by a manual exhibition of the response of Nicholas Koorn. The governor was equally per plexed with his embassy. He was deeply versed in the mysteries of freemasonry ; but they threw no light on the matter. He knew every variety of windmill and weather-cock, but was not a whit the wiser as to the aerial sign in question. He had even dabbled in Egyptian hieroglyphics and the mystic symbols of the obelisks, but none fur- nished a key to the reply of Nicholas Koorn. He called a meeting of his council. Antony Van Corlear stood forth in the midst, and putting the thumb of his right hand to his nose, and the thumb of his left hand to the linger of the right, he gave a faithful fac-simile of the portentous sign. Having a nose of unusual dimensions, it was as if the reply had been put in capitals ; but all in vain : the worthy burgomasters were equally perplexed with the governor. Each one put his tiuunb to the end of his nose, spread hi;^ fingers like a fan, imitated the motion of Antojiy Van Corlear, and then smoked in dubious silence. Several times was Antony obliged to stand forth like a fugleman and repeat the sign, and each time a circle of nasal weather-cocks might be seen in the council-chamber. Pei'plexed in the extreme, William the Testy trr STORY OF NEW YORK. 293 Bent for all the soothsayers, and fortune-tellers, and -svise men of the Manhattoes, but none could interpret th^- mysterious reply of Nicholas Koorn. The council broke up in sore perplexity. The matter got abroad, and Antony Van Corlear waa stopped at every corner to repeat the signal to a knot of anxious newsmongers, each of whom de- parted with his thumb to his nose and his fingers in the air, to carry the story home to his family. For several days, all business was neglected m New Amsterdam ; nothing w^as talked of but the diplomatic mission of Antony the Trumpeter, — nothing was to be seen but knots of politicians with their thumbs to their noses. In the mean time the fierce feud between William the Testy and Killian Van Rensellaer, which at first had menaced deadly warfare, gradually cooled off, like many other war-questions, in the prolonged delays of diplomacy. Still to this early affair of Rensellaerstein may be traced the remote origin of those wmdy wars in modern days which rage in the bowels of the Helderberg, and have wellnigh shaken the great patroonship of the Van Rensellaers to its foundation ; for we are told that the bully boys of the Helderberg, who served under Nich- olas Koorn the wacht-meester, carried back to their mountams the hieroglyphic sign which had so sorely puzzled Antony Van Corlear and the Bages of the Manhattoes ; so that to the present day the thumb to the nose and the fingers in the air is apt to be the reply of the Helder- bergers whenever called upon for any long an'ears of rent. 294 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Xn. lONTAININO THE RISE OF TQE GREAT AMPHICTYONIC COUNCIL OP TUl PILGRIMS, WITH THE DECLINE AND FINAL EXTINCTION OP WILLIAM THE TESTY. T was asserte'd by the wise men of an- cient times, who had a nearer oppor- tunity of ascertaining the fact, that at the gate of Jupiter's palace lay two huge tuns, one filled with blessings, the other with mis- fortunes ; and it would verily seem as if the latter had been completely overturned and left to deluge the unlucky province of Nieuw Neder- lands : for about this time, while harassed and annoyed from the south and the north, incessant forays were made by the border-chivalry of Con- necticut upon the pig-sties and hen-roosts of the Nederlanders. Every day or two some broad- bottomed express-rider, covered with mud and mire, would come floundering into the gate of New Amsterdam, freighted with some new tale of aggression from the frontier ; whereupon An- tony Van Corlear, seizing his trumpet, the only substitute for a newspaper in those primitive days, would sound the tidings from the ramparts with such doleful notes and disastrous cadence as to throw half the old women in the city into hysterics ; all which tended greatly to increa^ HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 296 his popularity ; there being nothing for which the public are more grateful than being frequently treated to a panic, — a secret well known to the modern editors. But, oh ye powers ! into what a paroxysm of passiDn did each new outrage of the Yankees throw the choleric little governor ! Letter after letter, protest after protest, bad Latin, worse English, and hideous Low Dutch, were inces- santly fulminated upon them, and the four-and- fvventy letters of the alphabet, wliich formed his standing army, were worn out by constant cam- paigning. All, however, was ineffectual ; even the recent victory at Oyster Bay, which had shed such a gleam of sunshine between the clouds of his foul-weather reign, was soon followed by a more fearful gathering up of those clouds, and indications of more portentous tempest ; for the Yankee tribe on the banks of the Connecticut, finding on this memorable occasion their incom- petency to cope, in fair fight, with the sturdy chivalry of the Manhattoes, had called to their aid aU the ten tribes of their brethren who in- habit the east country, which from them has derived the name of Yankee -land. This call was promptly responded to. The consequence was a great confederacy of the tribes of Massa- chusetts, Coimecticut, New Plymouth, and New Haven, under the title of the " United Colonies of New England " ; the pretended object of which was mutual defence ao;ainst the savaores, but the "eal object the subjugation of the Nieuw Nedei- lands. 296 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. For, to let the reader into one of the great secrets of history, the Nieuw Nede^rlands had lono been regarded by the wliole Yankee race as the modern land of promise, and themselv^es as the chosen and peculiar people destined, one day oi other, by hook or by crook, to get possession (jf it. In truth, they are a wonderful and all-prev- alent people, of that class who only require ac inch to gain an ell, or a halter to gain a horse From the time they first gained a foothold on Plymouth Rock, they began to migrate, progress- ing and progressing from place to place, and land to land, making a little liere and a little there, and controverting the old proverb, that a rolling stone gathers no moss. Hence they have face- tiously received the nickname of The Pilgrims : that is to say, a people who are always seeking a better country than their own. The tidin<>;3 of this "-reat Yankee leajnie struck \yilliam Kieft with dismay, and for once in his life he forgot to bounce on receivin": a disa":ree- able piece of intelligence. In fact, on turning over in his mind all that he had read at the Hague about leagues and combinations, he found that this was a counterpart of the Amphictyonic league, by which tlie states of Greece attained 8Mf;h power and supremacy ; and the very idea made his heart quake for the safety of lus empiio at the Manhattoes. Tlie affairs of the confederacy were managed by an annual council of delegates held at Boston, which Kieft denominated the Delphos of this tnily classic league. Tbe very first meeting gave HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 297 evidence of hostility to the Nieuw Nederlanders, who were charged, in theii* dealings with the In- dians, with carrying on a traffic m " guns, pow- ther and shott, — a trade damnable and injuri- ous to the colonists." It is true the Connecticut Traders were fain to dabble a httle in this dam- nable traffic ; but then they always dealt in Avhat '^'ere termed Yankee guns, ingeniously calculated to burst in the pagan hands which used them. The rise of this potent confederacy was a death-blow to the glory of William the Testy, for from that day forward he never held up his head, but appeared quite crestfallen. It is true, as the grand council augmented in power, and the league, rolling onward, gathered about the red hills of New Haven, threatening to overwhelm the Nieuw Nederlands, he continued occasionally to Eliminate proclamations and protests, as a shrewd sea-captain fires his gmis into a water- spout ; but alas ! they had no more effect than so many blank cartridges. Thus end the authenticated chronicles of the reign of William the Testy ; for henceforth, in the troubles, perplexities, and confusion of the times, he seems to have been totally overlooked, and to have slipped forever through the Angel's of scimpulous history. It is a matter of deep concern that such obscurity should hang over his latter days ; for he was in truth a mighty and gi*eat-little man, and worthy of being utterly re- Aowned, seeing that he was the first potentate that introduced into this land the art of fisrht- uig by proclamation, and defendmg a country by trumpeters and wind-mills. 298 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. It is true, that certain of the early provincial poets, of whom there were great numbers in the Nieuw Nederlands, taking advantage of liis mys- terious exit, have fabled, that, like Romulus, he was translated to the skies, and forms a very fiery little star, somewhere on the left claw of the Crab ; while others, equally fanciful, declare that lie had experienced a fate similar to that of the good king Ai'thur, who, we are assured by "ancient bards, was carried away to the deli- cious abodes of fairy -land, where he still exists in pristme worth and vigor, and will one day or another return to restore the gallantry, the honor, and the immaculate probity, which prevailed in the glorious days of the Round Table.^ All these, however, are but pleasing fantasies, the cobweb visions of those dreaming varlets, the poets, to which I would not have my judi- cious readers attach any credibility. Neither am I disposed to credit an ancient and rather apocry- phal historian, who asserts that the ingenious Wilhelmus was annihilated by the blo^\'ing down of one of his wind-mills ; nor a writer of latter times, who affirms that he fell a victim to an experiment in natural history, having the misfor- tune to break liis neck from a garret-window of 1 The old Welsh bards believed that king Arthur was nof ^ead, but carried awaie by the fairies into some pleasanl place, where he sholde remaine for a time, and then retarna againc and reigne in as great autliority as ever. — Hollinsiied Tlie liritons suppose that he shall come yet and conquera nil Britaigne, for certes, this is the prophicye of Merlyn — He Bay'd that his deth shall be doubteous ; and said soth, for jiien thereof yet have doubte and shuUen for ever more — for men wyt not whether that he lyveth or is dede. — Dr. Leew Chkom. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 299 the stadthouse in attempting to catch swallows by Bprinkling salt upon their tails. Still less do I put my faith in the tradition that he perished at sea in conveying home to Holland a treasure of golden ore, discovered somewhere among the haunted regions of the Catskill mountains.^ 1 Diedrich Knickerbocker, in bis scrupulous search after truth, is sometimes too fastidious in regard to facts which bor- der a little on the marvellous. The story of the golden ore rests on something better than mere tradition. The venerable Adrian Van der Donck, Doctor of Laws, in his description of the New Netherlands, asserts it from his own observation as an eye-witness. He was present, he says, in 1645, at a treaty between Governor Kieft and the Mohawk Indians, in which one of the latter, in painting himself for the ceremony, used a pigment, the weight and shining appearance of which excited the curiosity of the governor and Mynheer Van der Donck. They obtained a lump, and gave it to be proved by a skilful doctor of medicine, Johannes de la Montague, one of the coun- cillors of the New Netherlands. It was put into a crucible, and yielded two pieces of gold, worth about three guilders. All this, continues Adrian Van der Donck, was kept secret. As soon as peace was made with the Mohawks, an officer and a few »»\er wore sent to the mountain, (in the region of the Kaats- kill,) under the guidance of an Indian, to search for the pre- cious mineral. Tliey brouglit back a bucket full of ore ; which, beiug submitted to the crucible, proved as productive as the first. William Kieft now thought the discovery certain. He sent a confiderrtial person, Arent Corsen, with a bag full of the mineral, to New Haven, to take passage in an English ship for England, thence to proceed to Holland. The vessel sailed at Christmas, but never reached her port. All on board per- ished. * In the year 1647, Wilhelmus Kieft himself embarked on board the Princess, taking with him specimens of the sup- posed mineral. The ship was never heard of more! Some have supposed that the mineral in question was not Bold, but pyrites; but we have the assertion of Adrian Van der •onck, an eye-witness, and the experiment of Johannes.de la Montague, a learned doctor of medicine, on the golden side of the question. Cornelius Van Tienhooven, also, at that time secretary of the New Netherlands, declared in Holland that he had tested several specimens of the mineral, which proved satisfactory.* * See Van der Donck's " Description of the New Netherlands." ■Jollect. New York Hist. Society, Vol. I. p. 161. 300 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. The most probable account declares, tbat, wbat with, the constant troubles on his frontiers, the incessant schemings and projects going on in his own pericranium, the memorials, petitions, remon- strances, and.sage pieces of advice of respectable meetings of the sovereign people, and the refrac- tory disposition of his councillors, who were sure to differ from him on every point, and uniformly to be in the wrong, his mind was kept in a fur- nace-heat, until he became as completely burnt out as a Dutch family-pipe which has passed through three generations of hard smokers. In this manner did he undergo a kind of animal combustion, consuming away like a farthing rush- light : so that when grim death finally snuffed him out, there was scarce left enough of him to bury! It would appear, however, that these golden treasures of the Kaatskill always brought ill luck : as is evidenced in the fate of Arent Corsen and Wilhelmus Kieft, and the wreck of the ships in which they attempted to convey the treasure across the ocean. The golden juines have never since been explored, but remain amon^ the ?*jysteries of the Kaatskill mountain&, and undw the protection of the goblins which haunt tLem. BOOK V. CONTAINING THE FIRST PART OF THE REIGN OF PETER STUYVESANT, AND HIS TROUBLES WITH THE AMPHIC- TYONIC COUNCIL. CHAPTER I. IN WHICH THE DEATH OF A GREAT MAN IS SHOWN TO BE NO VERT IN- CONSOLABLE MATTER OF SORROW — AND HOW PETER STUYVESANT ACQUIRED A GREAT NAME FROM THE UNCOMMON STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. a profound philosopher like myself, who am apt to see clear through a sub- ject, where the penetration of ordinary [)eople extends but half-way, there is no fact more simple and manifest than that the death of a great man is a matter of very little importance. iNLuch as we may think of ourselves, and much as we may excite the empty plaudits of the mill- ion, it is certain that the greatest among us do actually fill but an exceeding small space in the world ; and it is equally certain, that even that spall space is quickly supplied Avlien we leave it vacant. " Of what consequence is it," said Pliny, 302 HISJOnY OF NEW YORK. " that individuals appear, or make their exit ? thti world is a theatre whose scenes and actors aro continually changing." Never did philosoi)her speak more correctly ; and I only wonder that so wise a remark could have existed so many ages, and mankuid not have laid it more to heart. Sage follows on in the footsteps of sage ; one hero just steps out of his triumphal car, to make way for the hero who comes after him ; and of the proudest monarch it is merely said, that " he slept with his fathers, and his successor reigned ui his stead." The world, to tell the private truth, cares but little for their loss, and if left to itself would soon forget to grieve ; and though a nation has often been figuratively drowned in tears on the death of a great man, yet it is ten to one if an individ- ual tear has been shed on the occasion, excepting from the forlorn pen of some himgry author. It is the historian, the biograplier, and the poet, who have the whole burden of grief to sustain, — who — kmd souls ! — like undertakers in Eng- land, act the part of chief mourners, — who in- flate a nation with sighs it never heaved, and deluge it with tears it never dreamt of sliedding. Thus, while the patriotic author is weeping and howling, in prose, in blank verse, and in rhyme^ and collecting the drops of public sorrow into his volume, as into a lachrymal vase, it is more tliau probable his fellow-citizens are eating and drink- ing, fiddling and dancing, as utterly ignorant of the bitter lamentations made in their name as ai*e those men of straw, John Doe au'l llichaid Roe, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 303 of the plaintiffs for whom they are generously pleased to become sm'eties. The most glorious hero that ever desolated nations might have mouldered into oblivion among the rubbish of his own monument, did not some historian take him into favor, and benev- olently transmit his name to posterity ; and much as the valiant William Kieft worried, and bus- tled, and turmoiled, while he had the destinies of a whole colony in his hand, I question seriously whether he will not be obliged to this authentic history for all his future celebrity. His exit occasioned no convulsion in the city of New Amsterdam nor its vicinity : the earth trembled not, neither did any stars shoot from their spheres ; the heavens were not shrouded in black, as poets would fain persuade us they have been, on the death of a hero ; the rocks (hard- hearted varlets !) melted not into tears, nor did the trees hang their heads in silent sorrow ; and as to the sun, he lay abed the next night just as long, and showed as jolly a face when he rose as he ever did on the same day of the month in any year, either before or since. The good people of New Amsterdam, one and all, declared that he had be^n a very busy, active, bustling little gov- ernor : uiat h« was "the father of his country "; that he was '• the noblest work of God " ; that " he was a man, take him for all in all, they ne'er should look upon his like again".; together with sundry other civil and affectionate speeche-s reg- ularly said on the death of all great men : after which they smoked their pipes, tliought no more 304 ' HISTORY OF NEW YORK. about him, and Peter Stuyvesant succeeded to his station. Peter Stuyvesant was the last, and, like the renowned Winter Van Twiller, the best of our fUicient Dutch governors. Wouter having sur- passed all who preceded him, and Peter, or Pict, as he was sociably called by the old Dutch burgh- ers, who were ever prone to familiarize names, having never been equalled by any successor. lie was in fact the very man fitted by nature to retrieve the desperate fortunes of her beloved province, had not the fates, those most potent and unrelenting of all ancient spinsters, destined them to inextricable confusion. To say merely that he was a hero, would be doing him great injustice : he was in truth a combination of heroes ; for he was of a sturdy, raw-boned make, Uke Ajax Telamon, mth a pair of round shoulders that Hercules would have given his liide for (meanmg his lion's hide) when he undertook to ease old Atlas of his load. He was, moreover, as Plutarch describes Coriolanus, not only terrible for the force of his arm, but likewise of his voice, which sounded as though it came out of a barrel ; and, like the self-same warrior, he possessed a sovereign contempt for the sovereign people, and an iron aspect, which was enough of itself to make the very bowels of his adversaries quake witli terror and dismay. All this martial excellency of appearance was inexpressibly heightened by an accidental advan- tage, with which I am surprised tliat neither Homer nor Virgil have graced any of their HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 30il lieroes. Tliis was nothing less than a wooden leg, which was the only prize he had gained in bravely fighting the battles of his country, but of which he was so proud, that he was often heard to declare he valued it more than all his other limbs put together ; indeed so highly did he es- teem it, that he had it gallantly enchased and re- lieved with silver devices, which caused it to be related in divers histories and legends that he wore a silver leg.-'^ Like that choleric warrior Achilles, he was somewhat subject to extempore bursts of passion, which were ratlier unpleasant to his favorites and attendants, whose perceptions he was apt to quicken, after the manner of his illustrious imita- tor, Peter the Great, by anointing their shoulders with his walldng-stafF. Though I cannot find that he had read Plato, or Aristotle, or Hobbes, or Bacon, or Algernon Sydney, or Tom Paine, yet did he sometimes manifest a shrewdness and sagacity in his meas- ures, that one would hardly expect from a man who did not know Greek, and had never studied the ancients. True it is, and I confess it with sorrow, that he had an uni'easonable aversion to experiments, and was fond of governing his prov- ince after the simplest manner ; but then he con» trived to keep it in better order than did the eru- dite Kieft, though he had all the philosophers, ancient and modern, to assist and perplex him. I must likewise own that he made but very few laws ; but then, again, he took care that those ^ See the histories of Masters Josselvn and Blorae 2U SOG HISTORY OF NEW YOUA. few were rigidly and impartially enforced ; and 1 do not know but justice, on the whole, was aa well administered as if there had been volumes of sage acts and statutes yearly made, and daily neglected and forgotten. He was, in fact, the very reverse of his pred- ecessors, being neitlier tranquil and inert, like Walter the Doubter, nor restless and fidgeting, like William the Testy, — but a man, or rather a governor, of such uncommon activity and decis- ion of mind, that he never sought nor accepted the advice of others, — depending bravely upon his single head, as would a hero of yore upon his single arm, to carry him through all difficulties and dangers. To tell the simple truth, he want- ed nothing more to complete him as a statesman than to think always right ; for no one can say but that he always acted as he thought. He was never a man to flinch when he found himself in a scrape, but to dash forward through tliick and thin, trustmg, by hook or by crook, to make all things straight in the end. In a word, he pos- sessed, in an eminent degree, that great quality in a statesman, called perseverance by the polite, but nicknamed obstinacy by the vulgar, — a won- derful salve for official blunders, smce he who perseveres in error without flmching gets the credit of boldness and consistency, while he who wavers ui seeking to do what is right gets stig^ matized as a trimmer. This much is certain; and it is a maxim well worthy the attention of all legislators, great and small, who stand shak- ing in the wind, irresolute which way to steer HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 307 that a ruler who follows his own will pleases himself, while he who seeks to satisfy the wishes and whims of others nuis great risk of pleasing nobody. There is nothing, too, like putting down one's foot resolutely when in doubt, and letting Ihiiiors take their course. The clock that stands still points right twice in the four-and-twenty hours, while others may keep going continually and be continually going "wi'ong. Nor did this magnanimous quality escape the discernment of the good people of Nieuw Neder- lands ; on the contrary, so much were they struct with the independent will and vigorous resolu tion displayed on all occasions by their new gov ernor, that they universally called him Hard-Kop pig Piet, or Peter the Headstrong, — a great com pliment to the strength of his understanding. If, from all that I have said, thou dost not gather, worthy reader, that Peter Stuyvesant was a tor~h, sturdy, valiant, weather-beaten, met- tlesome, obstinate, leathern - sided, lion-hearted, generous-spirited old governor, either I have writ- ten to but little purpose, or thou art very dull at drawing conclusions. This most excellent governor commenced his administration on the 29th of May, 1647, — a remarkably stormy day, distinguished in all the almanacs of the time which have come down to us by the name of Windy Friday. As he was very jealous of his personal and official dignity, he was inaugurated into office with great cere- mony, — the goodly oaken chair of the renowned Wouter Van Twiller being carefully preserved for 308 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. such occasions, in like manner as the chair and stone were reverentially preserved at Schone, in Scotland, for the coronation of the Caledonian monarch s. 1 must not omit to mention that the tempestu- ous state of the elements, together with its being that unlucky day of the week termed " hanging- day," did not fail to excite much grave specula- tion and divers very reasonable apprehensions amono- the more ancient and enliorhtened inhab- itants ; and several of the sager sex, who were reputed to be not a little skilled in the mystery of astrology and fortune-telling, did declare out- right that they were omens of a disastrous ad- nunistration ; — an event that came to be lamenta- bly verified, and which proves beyond dispute the wisdom of attending to those preternatural inti- mations furnished by dreams and visions, the fly- ing of birds, falling of stones, and cackling of geese, on wliich the sages and rulers of ancient times placed such reliance ; or to those shooting of stars, eclipses of the moon, bowlings of dogs, and flarings of candles, carefully noted and inter- preted by the oracular sibyls of our day, — who, in my humble opinion, are the legitimate inheritors and preservers of the ancient science of divina- tion. This much is certain, that Governor Stuy- vesant succeeded to the chair of state at a turbu- lent period ; when foes thronged and threatened from without ; when anarchy and stiff- necked opposition reigned rampant within ; when the authority of their High Mightmesses the Lords Btates General, though supported by economy HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 309 and defended by speeches, protests, and procla- mations, yet tottered to its very centre ; and when the great city of New Amsterdam, though forti- fied by flag -staffs, trumpeters, and wind -mills, seemed, like some fair lady of easy virtue, to lie open to attack, and ready to yield to the fiist invader. 310 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER n. IHOWINQ HOW PETER THE HEADSTRONG BESTIRRED HirfSELP AMOHQ THE RATS AND COBWEBS ON ENTERING INTO OFFICE — HIS INTERVIEW WITH ANTONY THE TRUMPETER, AND HIS PERILOUS MEDDLING WITH THE CURRENCY. ^HE very first movements of the great Peter, on taking the reins of govern- ment, displayed his magnanimity, though they occasioned not a little marvel and uneasiness among the people of the Manhattoes. Finding liimself constantly interrupted by the opposition, and annoyed by the advice of his privy council, the members of which had acquired the unrea- sonable habit of thinking and speaking for them- selves during the preceding reign', he determined at once to put a stop to such grievous abomina- tions. Scarcely, therefore, had he entered upon his authority, than he turned out of office all the meddlesome spirits of the factious cabinet of William the Testy ; in place of whom he chose unto himself coiuisellors from those fat, somnif- erous, respectable burgliers wlio had flourislied and slumbered under the easy reign of Walter the Doubter. All tliese lie caused to be fur- aished with abundance of fair long pipes, and to be regaled with frequent corporation dinners, admonishing them to smoke, and eat, and sleep for the good of tlie nation, while he took the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 311 burden of government upon his ov^fn shoulders, — an arrangement to which they all gave hearty acquiescence. Nor did he stop here, but made a hideous rout among the inventions and expedients of his learned predecessor, — rooting up his patent gal- lows, where caitiff vagabonds were suspended by the waistband, — demohsliing his flag-staffs and wind -mills, which, Hke mighty giants, guarded the ramparts of New Amsterdam, — pitching to the duyvel whole batteries of quaker gmis, — and, in a word, turning topsy-turvy the whole philosophic, economic, and T\dnd-mill system of the immortal sage of Saardam. The honest folk of New Amsterdam began to quake now for the fate of their matchless cham- pion, Antony the Trumpeter, who had acquired prodigious favor in the eyes of the women, by means of his whiskers and his trumpet, ffim did Peter the Headstrono; cause to be brought into his presence, and eying liim for a moment from head to foot, vn\h a countenance that would have appalled anything else than a sounder of brass, — " Pr'ythee, who and what art thou ? '* said he. " Sire," replied the other, in no wise dismayed, " for my name, it is Antony Van Cor- lear ; for my parentage, I am the son of my mother ; for my profession, I am champion and garrison of this great city of New Amsterdam." " I doubt me much," said Peter Stuyvesant, " that thou art some scurvy costard - monger knave. How didst thou acquire this paramount honor and dignity ? " " Marry, sir," replied the other, 312 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. "like many a great man before me, simply h^ sounding my own trumpet." " Ay, is it so ? " quoth the governor ; " why, then let us have a relish of thy art." Whereupon the good Antony put his instrument to his lips, and sounded a cliarge with such a tremendous outset, such a delectable quaver, and such a triumphant cadence, that it was enough to make one's heart leap out of one's mouth only to be within a mile of it. Like as a war-worn charger, grazmg m peaceful plains, starts at a strain of martial music, pricks up his ears, and snorts, and paws, and kindles at the noise, so did the heroic Peter joy to hear the clangor of the trumpet ; for of him might truly be said, what was recorded of the renowned St. George of England, " there was nothing in all the world that more rejoiced his heart than to hear the pleasant sound of war, and see the soldiers brandish forth their steeled weapons." Casting his eye more kindly, therefore, upon the sturdy Van Corlear, and findiug him to be a jovial varlet, shrewd in his discourse, yet of great discretion and immeasurable wind, he straightway conceived a vast kindness for him, and dischai-ging him from the troublesome duty of garrisoning, defending, and alarming the city, ever after retained him about his person, as his chief favorite, confidential envoy, and trusty squire. Instead of disturbing the city with dis- astrous notes, he was instructed to play so as to delight the governor while at his repasts, as did the minstrels of yore in the days of glorious chivalry, — and on all public occasions to rejoice HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 313 tlie ears of the people with warlike melody, — thereby keeping alive a noble and martial spirit. But the measm-e of the vahant Peter which produced the greatest agitation in the community, was his laying his hand upon the currency. He had old-fashioned notions hi favor of gold and silver, which he considered the true standards of wealth and mediums of commerce ; and one of his first edicts was, that all duties to govern- ment should be paid in those precious metals, and that seawant, or wampum, should no longer be a lesfal tender. Here was a blow at public prosperity ! All those who speculated on the rise and fall of this fluctuating currency, found their calling at an end ; those, too, who had hoarded Indian money by barrels full, found their capital shrunk in amount ; but, above all, the Yankee traders, who were accustomed to flood the market with newly coined oyster-shells, and to abstract Dutch mer- chandise in exchange, were loud-mouthed in de- crying this " tampering with the currency." It was clipping the wings of commerce ; it was checking the development of public prosperity; trade would be at an end ; goods would moulder on the shelves ; grain would rot in the granaries ; grass would gi*ow in the market-place. In a M'ord, no one who has not heard the outcries and bowlings of a modern Tarshish, at any check upon " paper-money," can have any idea of the clamor against Peter the Headstrong, for check- ing the circulation of oyster-shells. In fact, trade did shrink into narrower chan- 314 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. nels ; but then the stream was deep as it was broad ; the honest Dutchmen sold less goods ; but then they got the worth of them, either in silver and gold, or in codfish, tin ware, apple- brandy, Weathersfield onions, wooden bowls, and >ther articles of Yankee barter. The ingenious people of the east, however, indemnified them- selves another way for having to abandon the coinage of oyster-shells ; for about this time we are told that wooden nutmegs made their first appearance in New An;sterdam, to the great an- noyance of the Dutch housewives. NOTE. From a manuscript record of the province ; Lib. N. Y. Hist. Society. — We have been unable to render j'oiir inhabitants wiser and prevent tlieir being further imposed upon than to d'eclare absohitely and peremptorily that henceforward sea- want shall be bullion, — not longer admissible in trade, with- out any value, as it. is indeed. So that everv one may be upon his guard to barter no longer away his wares and merchandises for these bubbles, — at least not to accept them at a higher rate, or in a larger quantity, than as tliey may Avant them in their trade with the savages. In this way your English [Yankee] neighbors shall no longer be enabled to draw the best wares and merchandises from our country for nothing, — the beavers and furs not excepted. This has indeed long since been insufferable, although it ought chiefly to be imputed to the imprudent peiuiriousne.s9 of our own merchants and inhabitants, who, it is to be hoped, shall through the abolition of this seawant become wiser and more prudent. 27C/< January, 1G62. Seawant falls iato disrepute; duties to be paid in silvar coin HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 816 CHAPTER m. low THE YANKEE LEAGUE WAXED MORE AND MORE POTENT; AND HOW IT OUTWITTED THE GOOD PETER IN TREATY-MAKING. OW it came to pass, that, while Peter 4i Stuyvesant was busy regulating the in- ^ teriial affairs of his domain, the great Yankee league, wliich had caused such tribula- tion to William the Testy, continued to increase m extent and power. The gi*and Amphictyonic comicil of the league was held at Boston, where it spun a web, which threatened to link within it all the mighty principalities and powers of the east. The object proposed by this formidable combination was, mutual protection and defence against their savage neighbors ; but all the world knows the real aim was to form a grand crusade against the Nieuw Nederlands, and to get posses- sion of the city of the Manhattoes, — as devout an object of enterprise and ambition to the Yan- kees as was ever the capture of Jerusalem to ancient crusaders. Li the very year following the inauguration of Governor Stuyvseant, a grand deputation de- parted from the city of Providence (famous for its dusty streets and beauteous women) in behidf of tlie plantation of Rhode Island, praying to be admitted into the league. 316 nisroRY of new york. Tlie following minute of this deputation ap- pears in the ancient records of the council.^ " Mr. Will. Cottington and Captain Partridg of Rhoode Island presented this insewmg request to the commissioners in wrijjhtinjx — '' Our request and motion is in behalfe of Rhoode Band, that wee the Ilandei*s of Roode* Dand may be rescauied into combination with all the united eolonyes of New England in a firme and perpetual league of friendship and amity of ofence and defence, mutuall advice and succor upon all just occasions for our mutuall safety and wellfaire, etc Will Cottington, " Alicxsander Partridg." There was certainly something in the very physiognomy of this document that might well mspire apprehension. The name of Alexander, however misspelt, has been warlike in every age ; and though its fierceness is in some measure softened by being coiipled with the gentle cogno- men of Partridge, still, like the color of scarlet, it beai's an exceeding great resemblance to the sound of a trumpet. From the style of the let- ter, moreover, and the soldier-like ignorance of orthography displayed by the noble Captain Al- icxsander Partridg in spelling his o^^^l name, we may picture to ourselves this mighty man of Rhodes, strong in arms, potent in the field, mid as great a scholar as thouijh he had been edu- cated among tliat learned people of Thrace, who, Aristotle jissures us, could not count beyond the number four. 1 Haz. Col. Stat. Tap. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 317 The result of this great Yankee league was augmented audacity on the part of the moss- ti'oopers of Connecticut, — pushing then* en- croachments farther and farther into the territo- ries of their High Mightinesses, so that even the inliabitants of New Amsterdam began to draw Bhort breath and to find themselves exceedingly cramped for elbow-room. Peter Stuyvesant was not a man to submit quietly to such mtrusions ; his fii'st impulse was to march at once to the frontier and kick these squatting Yankees out of the comitry ; but, be- thinking himself in tune that he was now a gov- ernor and legislator, the policy of the states- man for once cooled the fire of the old soldier, and he determined to try his hand at negotia- tion. A correspondence accordingly ensued be- tween him and the grand comicil of the league ; and it was agreed that commissioners from either side should meet at Hartford, to settle bounda- ries, adjust grievances, and establish a " perpetual and happy peace." The commissioners on the part of the Man- hattoes were chosen, according to immemorial usage of that venerable metropolis, from among the " wisest and weightiest " men of the commu- nity, that is to say, men with the oldest heads and heaviest pockets. Among these sages the veteran navigator, Hans Reinier Oothout, who had made such extensive discoveries during the time of OlofFe the Dreamer, was looked up to as an oracle in all matters of the kind ; and he was ready to produce the very spy-glass with which 318 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. he first spied the mouth of the Connecticut river from liis mast-head ; and all the world knows the discovery of the mouth of a river gives prior right to all the lands dramed by its waters. It was Avith feelings of pride and exultation that the good people of the Manhattoes saw two of the richest and most ponderous burghers de- parting on this embassy, — men whose word on 'change was oracular, and in whose presence no poor man ventured to appear without takmg off his hat : when it was seen, too, that the veteran Reinier Oothout accompanied them with his spy- glass under his arm, all the old men and old women predicted that men of such weight, with such evidence, would leave the Yankees no alter- native but to pack up their tin kettles and wooden wares, put wife and childi'en m a cart, and abandon all the lands of their Hiorh Mighti- nesses, on which they had squatted. In truth, the commissioners sent to Hartford by the league seemed in no wise calculated to compete with men of such capacity. They were two lean Yankee lawyers, litigious-looking var- lets, and evidently men of no substance, since they had no rotundity in the belt, and there was no jingling of money in their pockets ; it is true, they had longer heads than the Dutchmen ; but if the heads of the latter were flat at top, thej? were broad at bottom, and what was wanting in height of forehead was made up by a double chin. The negotiation turned as usual upon the good old corner-stone of original discovery, — accord- HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 319 ing to the principle that he who first sees a new country has an unquestionable right to it. This being admitted, the veteran Oothout, at a con- certed signal, stepped forth in the assembly with the identical tarpauling spy-glass in his hand, ^vith which he had discovered the mouth of the Connecticut, while the worthy Dutch commis- sioners lolled back in their chau's, secretly chuck- ling at the idea of having for once got the weather-gage of the Yankees ; but what was their dismay when the latter produced a Nan- tucket whaler with a spy -glass twice as long, with wliich he discovered the whole coast, quite down to the Manhattoes, and so crooked, that he had spied with it up the whole course of the Connecticut river. This pruiciple pushed home, therefore, the Yankees had a right to the whole country bordering on the Somid ; nay, the city of New Amsterdam was a mere Dutch squatting- place on their territories. I forbear to dwell upon the confusion of the worthy Dutch commissioners at finding their maiu pillar of proof thus knocked from under them ; neither will I pretend to describe the con- sternation of the wise men at the Manhattoes when they learned how their commissioner had been out-trumped by the Yankees, and how the latter pretended to claim to the very gates (>f New Amsterdam. Long was the negotiation protracted, and long was the public mind kept in a state of anxiety. There are two modes of settling boundary ques- tions when the claims of the opposite are irrecon 320 HISTORY Or NEW YORK. cilable. One is by an appeal to arms, in which case the weakest party is apt to lose its right, and get a broken head mto the bargain ; the other mode is by compromise, or mutual conces- sion, — that is to say, one party cedes half of its claims, and the other party half of its rights ; lus who grasps most gets most, and the whole is pro- nomiced an equitable division, " perfectly honor- able to both parties." The latter mode was adopted in the present instance. The Yankees gave up claims to vast tracts of the Nieuw Nederlands which they had never seen, and all right to the land of Manna- hata and the city of New Amsterdam, to which they had no right at all ; while the Dutch, in return, agreed that the Yankees should retain possession of the frontier places where they had squatted, and of both sides of the Connecticut river. When the news of this treaty arrived at New Amsterdam, the whole city was in an uproar of exultation. The old women rejoiced that there was to be no war, the old men that their cabbage- gardens were safe from invasion ; while the politi- cal sages pronounced the treaty a great triumph over the Yankees, considering how much they had claimed, and how little they had been " fobbed off with." And now my worthy reader is, doubtless, like the great and good Peter, congratulating himself with the idea that his feelings will no longer be harassed by afflicting details of stolen horses, oroken heads, impomided hogs, and all the other HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 321 catalogue of heart-rending cruelties that disgraced these border wars. But if he should indulge in such expectations, it is a proof that he is but little versed in the paradoxical ways of cabinets ; to convince him of which, I solicit his serious attention to my next chapter, wherein I will show that Peter Stuyvesant has already com- mitted a great error in poUtics, and, by effecting a peace, has materially hazarded the tranquillity of the province. 21 822 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. SORTAIKtSrO DIVERS SPECULATIONS ON WAE AND NEGOTIATIONS — SnOW- INQ THAT A TREATY OP PEACE IS A GREAT NATIONAL EVIL. j^^^"^^ T was the opinion of that poetical phi* r^^^ losopher, Lucretius, that war was the i>yt^^ original state of man, whom he de- scribed as being primitively a savage beast of prey, engaged in a constant state of hostility with his own species, and that this ferocious spu-it was tamed and ameliorated by society. The same opinion has been advocated by Hobbes,^ nor have there been wanting many other philosophers to admit and defend. For my part, though prodigiously fond of these valuable speculations, sn f Bkins, or a load of poultry, which, perchance, he had stolen, and would exchange them for liquoi', with which having Avell soaked his carcass, he would lie in the sun and enjoy all the luxurious indolence of that s^^'inish philosopher Diogenes. He was the terror of all the farm- yards in the country into which he made fearful inroads ; and sometimes he would make his sudden appearance in the garrison at daybreak, with the whole neighborhood at his heels, — like the scoundrel thief of a fox, detected in his maraudings and hunted to his hole. Such was tliis Dirk Schui- ler ; and from the total indifference he showed to the world and its concerns, and .from his truly Indian stoicism and taciturnity, no one would ever have dreamt that he would have been the publisher of the treachery of Risingh. When the carousal was going on, which proved so fatal to the brave Poffenburgh and his watch- ful garrison. Dirk skulked about from room to room, being a kind of privileged vagrant, or use- less hound, whom nobody noticed. But though a fellow of few words, yet, like your taciturn people, his eyes and ears were always open, and in the course of his prowlings he overheard the whole plot of the Swedes. Dirk immediately settled in liis own mind how he should turn the 880 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. matter to his own advantage. He played the perfect jack-of-both-sides, that is to savj he made a prize of everything that came in his reach, robbed both parties, stuck the copper-bound cocked hat of the puissant Van PofFenburgh on liis head, whipped a huge pair of Risingh's jack -boots under his arms, and took to his heels just before the catastrophe and confusion at the garrison. Finding himself completely dislodged from his haunt in this quarter, he directed his flight to- wards his native place. New Amsterdam, Avhence he had formerly been obliged to abscond precip- itately, in consequence of misfortune in busi- ness, — that is to say, having been detected in the act of sheep-stealing. After wandering many days in the woods, toiling through swamps, ford- ing brooks, swimming various rivers, and encoun- tering a world of hardships that would have killed any other being but an Indian, a back- woodsman, or tlje devil, he at length arrived, half famished, and lank as a starved weasel, at Com- munipaw, where he stole a canoe, and paddled over to New Amsterdam. Immediately on land- ing, he repaired to Governor Stuyvesant, and, in more words than he had ever spoken before in the whole course of his life, gave an account of the disastrous affair. On receiving these direful tidings, the valiant Peter started from his seat, dashed the pipe he was smoking against the back of the chimney, thrust a prodigious quid of tobacco into his left cheek, pulled up his galligaskins, and strode up and down the room, humming, as was customary U I STORY OF NEW YoRK. 381 with him when iii a passion, a hideous northwest ditty. But, as I have before sho^vn, he was not a man to vent his spleen in idle vaporing. His first measure, after the paroxysm of wrath had subsided, was to stump up-stairs to a huge wooden chest, which served as his armory, from whence he drew forth that identical suit of regimentals described in the preceding chapter. In these portentous habiliments he arrayed himself like Achilles in the armor of Vulcan, maijitaining all the while an appalling silence, knitting his brows, and drawing^ his breath tlirou5:h his clenched teeth. Being hastily equipped, lie strode down into the parlor and jerked down his trusty sword from over the fireplace, where it was usually suS' pended ; but before he girded it on his thigh, he drew it from its scabbard, and as liis eye coursed along the rusty blade, a grim smile stole over his iron visage ; it was the first smile that had visited his countenance for five long weeks ; but every one who beheld it prophesied that there would soon be warm work in the province ! Thus armed at all points, with grisly war de- picted in each feature, his very cocked hat assum- ing an air of uncommon defiance, he instantly put himself upon the alert, and despatched Anto- ny Van Corlear liither and thither, this way and that way, through all the muddy streets and crooked lanes of the city, summoning by sound of trumpet his trusty peers to assemble m instant x>uncil. This done, by way of expediting mat- ters, according to the custom of people in a hurry, he kept in continual bustle, shifting from 382 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. chaii' to chair, popping his head out of every window, and stumping up and do^vn stairs witli his wooden leg in such brisk and incessant ms)- lion, that, as we are informed by an authentic historian of the times, tlie continual clatter boi'c no small resemblance to the music of a cooper hooping a flour-barrel. A summons so peremptory, and from a man of the governor's mettle, was not to be trifled with: the sages forthwith repaired to the comicil- chamber, seated themselves with the utmost tran- quillity, and, lighting their long pipes, gazed with um-ufiied composure on his Excellency and his regimentals, — being, as all counsellors sliould be, not easily flustered, nor taken by surprise. The governor, looking around for a moment with a lofty and soldier-like air, and resting one hand on the pommel of his sword, and fluiging the other forth in a free and spirited manner, addressed them in a short but soul-stirrinn; harano;ue. I am extremely sorry that I have not the ad- vantages of Livy, Thucyrlides, Plutarch, and others of my predecessors, who were furnished, as I am told, with the speeches of all their heroes, taken down in short-hand by the most accurate stenog- rapher of the time, — whereby they were en- abled wonderfully to enrich their histories, and delight their readers with sublime strains of elo- quence. Not having such important auxiliaries, I cannot possibly pronounce what wiis the tenor of Governor Stuyvesaut's speech. I am bold, however, to say, from the tenor of his character, that he did not wrap his rugged subject in silks HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 383 and ermines, and other sickly trickeries of phrase, but spoke forth like a man of nerve and vigor, who scorned to shrink in words fi-om those dan gers which he stood ready to encounter in very deed. This much is certain, that he conchided by announcmg his determination to lead on his troops in person, and rout these costard- mongei' Swedes from their usurped quarters at Fort Cas- imir. To tliis hardy resolution, such of his coun- cil as were awake gave then* usual signal of con- currence ; and as to the rest, who had fallen asleep about the middle of the harangue (their " usual custom in the afternoon "), they made not the least objection. And now was seen in the fair city of New Amsterdam a prodigious bustle and preparation for iron war. Recruitmg parties marched hither and thither, calUng lustily upon all the scrubs, the runagates, and tatterdemalions of the Man- hattoes and its vicinity, who had any ambition of sixpence a day, and immortal fame into the bargain, to enhst in the cause of glory : — for I would have you note that your warlike heroes who trudge in the rear of conquerors are gener- ally of that illustrious class of gentlemen who are equal candidates for the army or the bride- well, the halberds or the wliipping-post, — foi whom dame Fortmie has cast an even (he, whether they shall make their exit by the sword or the halter, and whose deaths shall, at all events, be a lofty example to their countrymen. But, notwithstanding all this martial rout and uavitation, the ranks of honor were but scantily 384 HISTORY OF NEW Y L'RR. supplied, so averse were the peaceful burghers of New Amsterdam from enlistms; in foreign broils, or stirriug beyond that home which rounded all their earthly ideas. Upon beholding this, the great Peter, whose noble heart was all on fire \\\{\. war and sweet revenge, determined to wait no longer for the tardy assistance of these oily citizens, but to muster up his merry men of the Hudson, who, brought up among Avoods, and wilds, and savage beasts, like our yeomen of Ken- tucky, delighted in nothing so nnich as desperate adventures and perilous expeditions through the wilderness. Thus resolving, he ordered his trus- ty squire Antony Van Corlear to have his state galley prepared and duly victualled ; which being performed, he attended public service at the great church of St. Nicholas, like a true and pious gov- ernor^ and then leaving peremptory orders with his comicil to have the chivalry of the Manhat- toes marshalled out and appointed agauist his re- turn, departed upon his recruiting voyage up the v^aters of the Hudson. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 385 CHAPTER IV. COrrralNINO peter STUTVESANT'S voyage dp the HUDSON, AND TEl WONDERS AND DELIGHTS OF THAT KENOWNEI RIVER. lOW did the soft breezes of the south steal sweetly over the face of nature, tempering the panting heats of summer into genial and prolific warmth ; when that mira- cle of hardihood and chivalric virtue, the daunt- less Peter Stuyvesant, spread his canvas to the wind, and departed from the, fair island of Man- na-hata. The galley m which he embarked was sumptuously adorned with pendants and stream- ers of gorgeous dyes, which fluttered gayly in the wind, or drooped their ends into the bosom of the stream. The bow and poop of this majes- tic vessel were gallantly bedight, after the rarest Dutch fashion, with figures of little pursy Cupids with periwigs on their heads, and bearing in their hands garlands of flowers, the like of which are not to be found in any book of botany, being the matchless flowers which flourished in the golden age, and exist no longer, unless it be in the imaginations of ingenious carvers of wood and discolorers of canvas. Thus rarely decorated, in style befitting the puissant potentate of the Manhattoes, did the galley of Peter Stuyvesant launch forth upon 25 88u mSTOIlY UI'' JS£W lOHK the bosom of the lordly Hudson, which, as it rolled its Ijroad waves to the ocean, seemed to pause for a while and swell with pride, as if con- Bcious of the illustrious burden it sustained. But trust me, gentlefolk, far other was Ihe scene presented to the contemplation of the crew from that which may be witnessed at this degen- erate day. Wildness and savage majesty reigned on the borders of this mighty river ; the hand of cultivation had not as yet laid low the dark forest, and tamed the features of the landscape; nor had the frequent sail of commerce broken in upon the profound and awful solitude of ages. Here and there might be seen a rude wigwam perched among the cliffs of the mountains, ^vith its curlino; column of smoke mountiu"; in the transparent atmosphere, — but so loftily situated that the whoopings of the savage childi'en, gam- bolling on the margin of the dizzy heights, fell almost as faintly on the ear as do the notes of the lark when lost in the azure vault of heaven. Now and then, from the beetling brow of some precipice, the wild deer would look timidly down upon the splendid pageant as it passed below, and then, tossing his antlers in the air, would bound a\vay into the thickest of the forest. Tlu'ough such scenes did the stately vessel of Peter Stuyvesant pass. Now did they skii-t the bases of the rocky heights of Jersey, wliich spring up like everlasting walls, reaching from the waves unto the heavens, and were fashioned, if tradition may be believed, in times long past, by the mighty spirit Manetho, to protect liia nrSTORY OF NEW YORK. 887 K'lvoi'ile abodes from the unhallowed eyes of rnor tals. Now did they career it gayly across the vast expanse of Tappan Bay, whose wide-extend- ed shores present a variety of delectable scenery, — here the bold promontory, crowned with em- bowering trees, advancing into the bay, — there the long woodland slope, sweeping up from the shore in rich luxiu'iance, and terminating in the upland precipice, — while at a distance a long waving line of rocky heights threw their gigan- tic shades across the water. Now would they pass where some modest little interval, opening among these stupendous scenes, yet retreating as it were for protection into the embraces of the neighboring mountains, displayed a rural paradise, fraught with sweet and pastoral beauties, — the velvet-tufted lawn, the bushy copse, the tink- lin": rivulet, steal inji; throu^'h the fresh and vivid verdure, on whose banks was situated some little Indian village, or, peradventure, the rude cabin of some solitary hunter. Tlie different periods of the revolving day seemed each, with cumiing magic, to diffuse a different charm over tlie scene. Now would the jovial sun break gloriously from the east, blazing from the summits of the hills, and sparkling the landscape with a thousand dewy gems ; while along the borders of the river were seen the heavy masses of mist, which, like midnight cai- tiffs disturbed at his approach, made a sluggish retreat, rolling m sullen reluctance up the moun- tains. At such times all was brightness, and life, and gayety, — the atmosphtu-e was of an in 388 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. describable pureiiess and transparency, — the birds broke forth in wanton madrigals, and the freshen- ing breezes wafted the vessel merrily on her course. But when the sun sunk amid a flood of glory in the west, mantling the heavens and the earth with a thousand gorgeous dyes, then all vs as calm, and silent, and magnificent. The late swelling sail hung lifelessly against the mast ; — tlie seaman, with folded arms, leaned against the shrouds, lost in that involuntary musing which the sober grandeur of nature commands in the rudest of her children. The vast bosom of the Hudson was like an unruffled mirror, reflecting the golden splendor of the heavens, excepting that now and then a bark canoe would steal across its surface, filled with painted savages, whose gay feathers glared brightly as perchance a lingering ray of the setting sun gleamed upon them from the western mountains. But when the hour of twilight spread its ma- jestic mists around, then did the face of nature assume a thousand fugitive charms, wliich to the worthy heart that seeks enjoyment in the glorious works of its Maker are inexpressibly captivatmg. The mellow dubious light that prevailed just served to tini^-e with illusive colors the softened features of the scenery. The deceived but de- lighted eye sought vainly to discern in the broad masses of shade the separathig line between the land and water, or to distinguish the fading objects that seemed sinking into chaos. Now did the busy fimcy supply tlie feebleness of vision, producing with industrious craft a fairy creation HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 38S of her own. Under lier plastic wand the barren rocks frowned upon the watery Avaste in the semblance of lofty towers and high embattled castles, — trees assumed the direful forms of mighty giants, and the inaccessible summits of the mountains seemed peopled with a thousand shadowy beings. Now broke forth from the shores the notes of an innumerable variety of insects, which filled the air with a strange but not inharmonious con- cert, while ever and anon was heard the mel- ancholy plamt of the whippoorwill, who, perched on some lone tree, wearied the ear of night with his incessant moanmgs. The mind, soothed into a hallowed melancholy, listened with pensive still- ness to catch and distinguish each sound that vaguely echoed from the shore, — now and then startled perchiince by the whoop of some strag- gling savage, or by the dreary howl of a wolf, stealing forth upon his nightly prowlings. Thus happily did they pursue their course, un- til they entered upon those awful defiles denomi- nated THE HIGHLANDS, w^icre it would scem that the gigantic Titans had erst waged their impious war with heaven, pilmg up cliffs on cliffs, and hurling vast masses of rock in wild confusion. But in sooth very different is the history of these cloud-capt momitains. These m ancient days, before the Hudson poured its waters from the lakes, formed one vast prison, within whose rocky bosom the omnipotent Manetho confined the re- bellious spirits who repined at his control. Here, bound in adamantine chains, or jammed in rifted 390 HTSTORY OF NEW YORK. pines, or crushed by ponderous rocks, they groan- ed for many an age. At length the conquering Hudson, in its career towards the ocean, burst open their prison-house, rolling its tide triumph- antly through the stupendous ruins. Still, however, do many of them lurk about their old abodes ; and these it is, according to venerable legends, that cause the echoes which resound throughout these awful solitudes, — which are nothing but their angry clamors when any noise disturbs the profoundness of their repose. For when the elements are agitated by tempest, when the winds are up and the thunder rolls, then horrible is the yellins; and howlino^ of these troubled spirits, making the mountains to rebel- low with their hideous uproar ; for at such times it is said that they think the great Manetho is returning once more to plunge them in gloomy caverns, and renew their intolerable captivity. But all these fair and glorious scenes were lost upon the gallant Stu}^esant ; naught occupied, his mind but thoughts of iron war, and proud antici- pations of hardy deeds of arms. Neither did his honest crew trouble their heads with any roman- tic speculations of the kind. The pilot at the helm quietly smoked his pipe, thinking of nothing either past, present, or to come ; — those of his comrades who were not industriously smoking^ under the hatches were listening with open mouths to Antony Van Corlear, who, seated on the windlass, was relating to them the marvel- lous history of those myriads of fireflies that sparkled like gems and spangles upon the dusky niSTORT OF NEW YORK. 391 robe of night. These, according to tradition, were originally a race of pestilent sempiternous beldames, who peopled these parts long before the memory of man, being of that abominated race emphatically called brimstones, and who. for their innumerable sins against the children of men, and to furnish an awful warnmg to the beauteous sex, were doomed to infest the earth in the shape of these threatening and terrible lit- tle busrs, endurinoj the internal torments of that fire which they formerly carried in their hearts and breathed forth in their words, but now are sentenced to bear about forever — in their tails ! And now I am going to tell a fact, which I doubt much my readers will hesitate to believe ; but if they do, they are welcome not to believe a word in this whole history, for nothing which it contains is more true. It must be known then that the nose of Antony the Trumpeter was of a very lusty size, strutting boldly from his counte- nance like a mountain of Golconda ; being sump- tuously bedecked with rubies and other precious stones, — the true regaUa of a king of good fel- lows, which jolly Bacchus grants to all who bouse it heartily at the flagon. Now thus it happened, that bright and early in the morning, the good Antony, havmg washed his burly visage, was leaning over the quarter-railing of the gal- Icy, contemplating it in the glassy wave below. Just at tliis moment the illustrious sun, break- ing in all its splendor from behind a high bluff of the highlands, did dart one of his most po- tent beams full upon the refulgent nose of the 392 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Bounder of brass — the reflection of which shol straightway down, hissing-hot, into the water, and killed a mighty stuxgeon that was sporting beside the vessel ! This hiij>:e monster bein^ with infinite labor hoisted on board, furnished a luxurious repast to all the crew, being accounted of excellent flavor, excepting about the wound, where it smacked a little of brimstone ; and this, on my veracity, was the first time that ever sturgeon was eaten in these parts by Christian people.^ When this astonishing miracle came to be made known to Petei* Stuyvesant, and that he tasted of the unknown fish, he, as may well be supposed, marvelled exceedhigly ; and as a mon- ument thereof, he gave the name of Antony's Nose to a stout promontory in the neighborhood ; and it has continued to be called Antony's Nose ever since that time. But hold : whither am I wandering ? By the mass, if I attempt to accompany the good Peter Stuyvesant on this voyage, I shall never make an end ; for never was there a voyage so fraught Avith marvellous uicidents, nor a river so abound- ing with transcendent beauties, worthy of being severally recorded. Even now I have it on the point of my pen to relate how his crew were most horribly frightened, on going on shore above the highlands, by a gang of merry roistering 1 The learned Hans Megapolensis, treating of the country about Albaii}', in a letter which was written some time aftei the settlement, says: " Tlicrc is in the river great plenty of sturgeon, which ^Ve Christians do not make use of, but thi Indians eat them greedil}'." » HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 393 devils, frisking and curveting on a flat rock, whict* projected into the river, and which is called the DuyveVs Dans-Kamer to this very day. But no Diedrich Knickerbocker, it becomes thee not to idle thus in thy historic wayfaring. Recollect that, while dwelHng with the fond garrulity of age over these fairy scenes, endeared to thee by the recollections of thy youth, and the charms of a thousand legendary tales, which be- guiled the simple ear of thy childhood, — recollect that thou art trifling with those fleeting moments which should be devoted to loftier themes. Is not Time — relentless Time! — shaking, with pal- sied hand, his almost exhausted hour-glass before thee ? Hasten then to pursue thy weary task, lest the last sands be run ere thou hast finished thy history of the Manhattoes. Let us, then, commit the dauntless Peter, his brave galley, and his loyal crew, to the protection of the blessed St. Nicholas ; who, I have no doubt, will prosper him in liis voyage, wliile we await his return at the great city of New Am* sterdam. 894 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER V. DESCRIBINQ THE POWERFUL ARMY THAT ASSEMBLED AT THE CtTT OF NEKI AMSTERDAM — TOGETHER WITH THE INTER.VIEW BETWEEN PETER THB HEADSTRONG AMD GENERAL VON POFFENBURGH, AND PETER'S SENTI- MENTS TOUCHING UNFORTUNATE GREAT MEN. ■HILE thus the enterprising Peter was coasting, with fiomng sail, up the shores of the lordlv Hudson, and arousins all the phlegmatic little Dutch settlements upon its borders, a great and puissant concourse of war- riors was assembling at the city of New Amster- dam. And here that invaluable fragment of antiquity, the Stuyvesant manuscript, is more than commonly particular ; by Avhich means I am enabled to record the illustrious host that encamped itself in the public square in front of the fort, at present denominated the Bowling Green. In the centre, then, was pitched the tent of the men of battle of the Manhattoes, who, being the inmates of the metropolis, composed the life- guards of the governor. Thes^ were commanded by the valiant Stoffel Brinkerhoof, who whilom had act^uired such immortal fame at Oyster Bay ; they displayed as a standard a beaver rampant on a field of orange, being the arms of the prov- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 395 ince, and denoting the persevering industry and the amphibious origin of the Nederlanders.^ On their ridit hand miofht be seen the vassals of that renoA^aied M}aiheer, Michael Paw,^ who lorded it over the fan* regions of ancient Pavonia, and the lands away south even unto the Nave- Bink mountams,^ and was moreover patroon of Gibbet Island. His standard was borne by his trusty squire, Cornelius Van Yorst ; consisting of a huge oyster recumhent upon a sea-green field ; being the armorial bearings of his favorite metropolis, Communipaw. He brought to the camp a stout force of warriors, heavily armed, being each clad in ten pair of linsey-woolsey breeches, and overshadowed by broad-brimmed beavers, with short pipes twisted in their hat- bands. These were the men who vegetated in the mud along the shores of Pavonia, being of the race of genuine copperheads, and were fabled to have sprung from oysters. At a little distance was encamped the tribe of warriors who came from the neighborhood of 1 This was likewise the great seal of the New Netherlands, as may still be seen in ancient records. 2 Besides what is related in the Stuj'vesant MS., I have found mention made of this illustrious patroon in another manuscript, which says : " De Heer (or the squire) Michael Paw, a Dutch subject, about 10th Aug. 1630, by deed pur- chased Staten Island. N. B. The same Michael Paw had what the Dutch call a colonie at Pavonia, on the Jersey shore, opposite New York, and his overseer in 1636 was named Corns. Van Vorst, a person of the same name in 17G9, owned Pawles Hook, and a large farm at Pavonia, and is a liueal descendant from Van Vorst." 3 So called from the Navesink tribe of Indians that inhabited these parts. At present they are erroneously denominated the Neversink, or Neversuuk mountains. 896 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Hell-gate. These were coninianded by the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, — incontinent hard swearers, as their names betoken. They were terrible-looking fellows, clad in broad-skirted gab- erdmes, of that curious colored cloth called thun- der and liglitning, — and bore as a standard three de^dl's darning-needles, volant, in a flame-colored field. Hard by was the tent of the men of battle fi'om the marshy borders of the Waale-Boght -^ and the country thereabouts. These were of a 90ur aspect, by reason that they lived on crabs, which abound in these parts. They were the first institutors of that honorable order of knight- hood called Fly-market shirks, and, if tradition speak true, did likewise introduce the far-famed step in dancing called " double trouble." They were commanded by the fearless Jacobus Varra Vanger, — and had, moreover, a jolly band of Breuckelen ^ ferry-men, who performed a brave concerto on conch shells. But I refrain from pursuing this minute de- scription, which goes on to describe the warriors of Bloemen-dael, and Weehawk, and Hoboken, and sundry other places, well known in history and song ; for now do the notes of martial music alarm the people of New Amsterdam, sounding afar from beyond the walls of the city. But this alarm was in a little while relieved, for lo ! from the midst of a vast cloud of dust, they 1 Since corrupted into the Wallaboui; the bay where tht N^ayy Yard is situated. '^ Now spelt Brooklyn. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 397 recognized the brimstone-colored breeches and splendid silver leg of Peter Stujvesant, glaring in the sunbeams ; and beheld him approaching at the head of a formidable army, which he had mustered along the banks of the Hudson, And liere the excellent but anonymous writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript breaks out into a bravo and glorious description of the forces, as they defiled through the principal gate of the city, that stood by the head of Wall Street. First of all came the Van Bummels, who in- habit the pleasant borders of the Bronx : these were short fat men, wearing exceeding large trunk-breeches, and were renowned for feats of the trencher. Tliey were the first inventors of suppawn, or mush and milk. — Close in their rear marched the Van Vlotens, of Kaatskill, horrible quaffers of new cider, and arrant braggarts in their liquor. — After them came the Van Pelts of Groodt Esopus, dexterous horsemen, mounted upon goodly switch-tailed steeds of the Esopus breed. These were mighty hunters of minks and 'musk-rats, whence came the word Peltry. — Then the Van Nests of Kinderhoeck, valiant robbers of bird's-nests, as their name denotes. To these, if report may be believed, are we indebted for the invention of slap-jacks, or buckwheat-cakes. — Then the Van Higginbottoms, of Wapping's creek. These came armed with ferules and birchen rods, being a race of schoolmasters, who first discovered the marvellous sympathy between the seat of honor and the seat of intellect, — and that the shortest way to get knowledge into the 398 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. head was to hammer it into the bottom. — Then the Van Grolls, of Antony's Nose, who carried tlieir liquor in fan' round little pottles, by reason they could not bouse it out of their canteens, havmc: such rare lonoj noses. — Then the Gar- deniers, of Hudson and thereabouts, distinguished by many triumphant feats, such as robbing water- melon patches, smoking rabbits out of their holes, and the like, and by being great lovers of roasted pigs' tails. These were the ancestors of the re- nowned congressman of that name. — Then the Van Hoesens, of Sing- Sing, great choristers and players upon the jews-harp. These marched two and two, sin^iii": the ofreat sons: of St. Nicholas. — Then the Couenhovens, of Sleepy Hollow. These gave birth to a jolly race of pubhcans, who first discovered the magic artifice of conjur- ing a quart of wine into a pmt bottle. — Then the Van Kortlandts, who lived on the wild banks of the Croton, and were great killers of wild ducks, being much spoken of for their skill in sliootinG: with the Ions; bow. — Then the Van Bunschotens, of Nyack and Kakiat, who were the first that did ever kick with the left foot. They were gallant bushwhackers and hunters of raccoons by moonlight. — Then the Van Winkles, of Haerlem, potent suckers of eggs, and noted for running of horses, and runnmg up of scores at taverns. They were the first that ever winked with both eyes at once. — Lastly came the Knickerbockers, of the great town of Scagh- tikoke, where the folk lay stones upon the houses in windy weather, lest they should b(5 blown HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 399 away. These derive their name, as some say, from Knicker, to shake, and Beker^ a goblet, indi- cating thereby that they were sturdy toss-jDots of yore ; but, in truth, it was derived from Knicher^ to nod, and Boeken^ books : plainly meanmg that they were great nodders or dozers over books. From them did descend the writer of this history. Such was the legion of sturdy bush-beaters that poured in at the grand gate of New Am- sterdam ; the Stuyvesant manuscript mdeed speaks of many more, Avhose names I omit to mention, seemg that it behooves me to hasten to matters of greater moment. Nothing could surpass the joy and martial pride of the lion-hearted Peter as he reviewed this mighty host of warriors, and he determined no longer to defer the gratification of his much-wished-for revenge upon the scoundrel Swedes at Fort Casimir. But before I hasten to record those unmatcha- ble events which will be found in the sequel of this faithful history, let me pause to notice the fate of Jacobus Van PofFenburgh, the discomfited commander-in-chief of the araiies of the New Netherlands. Such is the inherent uncharitable- ness of human nature, that scarcely did the news become public of his deplorable discomfiture at Fort Casimir, than a thousand scurvy rumors were set afloat in New Amsterdam, wherein il was insinuated that he had in reality a treacher- ous understanding with the Swedish commander ; that he had long been in the practice of privately coimnunicating with the Swedes ; together with divers hints about "secret service-money." Tc 400 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, all which deadly charges I do not give a jot more credit than I think they deserve. Certain it is, that the general vindicated his character by- the most vehement oaths and prot- estations, and put every man out of the ranks of honor who daied to doubt liis integrity. JMoreover, on returning to New Amsterdam, he paraded up and down the streets with a crew of hard swearers at his heels, — sturdy bottle-com- panions, whom he gorged and fattened, and who were ready to bolster him through all the courts of justice, — heroes of his own kidney, fierce- whiskered, broad - sliouldered, colbrand - looking swaggerers, — not one of whom but looked as though he could eat up an ox, and pick his teeth with the horns. These lifeguard men quar- relled all his quarrels, were ready to fight all his battles, and scowled at every man that turned up his nose at the general, as though they would devour him alive. Their conversation was inter- spersed with oaths like minute-guns, and every bombastic rodomontade was rounded off by a thundering execration, like a patriotic toast hon- ored with a discharge of artillery. All these valorous vaporings had a considera- ble effect in convincing certain profound sages, who began to think the general a hero of un- matchable loftiness and magnanimity of soul, par- ticularly as he was continually protesting on the honor of a soldier, — a marvellously high-sound- ing asseveration. Nay, one of the members of the council went so far as to propose they should immortalize him by an imperisliable statue of plaster of Paris. ' . HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 40l But the vigilant Peter the Headstrong was not thus to be deceived. Sending privately for the commander-in-chief of all the armies, and having heard all his story, garnished with the customary pious oaths, protestations, and ejacula- tions, — " Harkee, comrade," cried he, " though by your own account you are the most brave, up- right, and honorable man in the whole province, yet do you lie under the misfortune of being damnably traduced, and immea^rably despised. Now, though it is certainly hard to punish a man for his misfortunes, and though it is very possible you are totally innocent of the crimes laid to your charge, yet as heaven, doubtless for some wise purpose, sees fit at present to withhold all proofs of your innocence, far be it from me to counteract its sovereign will. Besides, I cannot consent to venture my armies with a commander whom they despise, nor to tnist the welfare of my people to a champion whom they distrust. Retire, therefore, my friend, from the irksome toils and cares of public life, with this comforting reflection, that, if guilty, you are but enjoying your just reward, and if innocent, you are not the first great and good man who has most wrongfully been slandered and maltreated in this wicked world, — doubtless to be better treated in a better world, where there shall be neither error, calumny, nor persecution. In the mean time let me never see your face again, for I have a horri- ble antipathy to the countenances of unfortunate great men like yourself." 26 402 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER VI. or WHICH THE AUTHOR DISCOURSES VER-J INGENUOUSLY OP HIMSKL? — AFTER WHICH IS TO BE FOUND MUCH INTERESTING HISTORY ABCOI PETER THE HEADSTRONG AND HIS FOLLOWERS. m , S my readers and myself are about enter- ing on as many perils as ever a confed- W^^ eracy of meddlesome knights-errant wil- fully ran then- heads into, it is meet that, like those hardy adventurers, we should join hands, bury all differences, and swear to stand by one another, in weal or woe, to the end of the enter- prise. My readers must doubtless perceive how completely I have altered my tone and deport- ment since we first set out together. I warrant they then thought me a crabbed, cynical, imperti- nent little son of a Dutchman ; for I scarcely gave them a civil word, nor so much as touched my beaver, when I had occasion to address them. But as we jogged along together on the high road of my history, I gradually began to relax, to grow more courteous, and occasionally to enter into familiar discourse, until at length I came to con- ceive a most social, companionable kind of regard for them. This is just my way : I am always a little cold and reserved at first, particularly to people whom T neither know nor care for HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 403 and am ouly to be completely won by long inti- macy. Besides, why should I have been sociable to the crowd of how-d'ye-do acquaintances that flocked around me at my first appearance ? Many were merely attracted by a new face ; and hav- ing stared me full in the title-page, walked off without saying a word: while others lingered yawningly through the preface, and, having grati- fied their short-lived curiosity, soon dropped off one by one. But, more especially to try their mettle, I had recourse to an expedient, similar to one which we are told was used by that peerless flower of chivalry, King Arthur ; who, before he admitted any knight to his intimacy, first required that he should show himself superior to danger or hardships, by encountering miheard-of mishaps, slaying some dozen giants, vanquishing wicked enchanters, not to say a word of dwarfs, hippo- griffs, and fiery dragons. On a similar principle did I cmmmgly lead my readers, at the first sally, into two or three knotty chapters, where they were most wofuUy belabored and buffeted by a host of pagan philosophers and infidel writers. Though naturally a very grave man, yet could I scarcely refrain from smiling outright at seeing the utter confusion and dismay of my valiant cavaliers. Some dropped down dead (asleep) oa the field; others threw down my book in the middle of the first chapter, took to their heels, and never ceased scampering until they had fairly run it owi of sight : when they stopped to take breath, to tell their friends what troubles they 404 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. had undergone, and to warn all others from ven- turing on so thankless an expedition. Every page thinned my ranks more and more ; and of the vast multitude that first set out, but a comparatively few made shift to survive, in exceedingly battered condition, through the five introductory chapters. What, then! would you have had me take such sunsliine, faint-hearted recreants to my bosom at our first acquaintance ? No, no ; I reserved my friendship for those wlio deserved it, for those who undauntedly bore me company, in despite of difficulties, dangers, and fatigues. And now, as to those who adhere to me at present, I take them affectionately by the hand. Worthy and thrice-beloved readers! brave and well-tried com- rades ! who have faithfully followed my footsteps thi-ough alljny wanderings, — I salute you from my heart, — I pledge myself to stand by you to the last, and to conduct you (so Heaven speed this trusty weapon which I now hold between my fingers) triumphantly to the end of this our stupendous undertaking. But, liark ! while we are thus talking, the city of New Amsterdam is in a bustle. The host of warriors encamped in the Bowling Green are striking their tents ; the brazen trumpet of An- tony Van Corlear makes the welkin to resound with portentous clangor ; the drums beat ; the standards of the Manhattoes, of Hell-gate, and of Michael Paw, wave proudly in the air. And now behold wliere the mariners are busily em- ployed hoisting the sails of yon topsail schooner, and those clump-built sloops, which are to waft HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 405 the army of the Nederlanders to gather immortal honors on the Delaware ! The entire population of the city, man, wom- an, and child, turned out to behold the chivalry of New Amsterdam, as it paraded the streets pre- vious to embarkation. Many a handkerchief was waved out of the windows ; many a fair nose was blown in melodious sorrow on the mournful occasion. The grief of the fair dames and beau- teous damsels of Granada could not have been more vociferous on the banishment of the gallant tribe of Abencerrages tlian was that of the kind- hearted fair ones of New Amsterdam on the de- parture of their intrepid warriors. Every love- sick maiden fondly crammed the pockets of her hero with gingerbread and doughnuts ; many a copper ring was exchanged, and crooked sixpence broken, in pledge of eternal constancy ; and there remain extant to this day some love- verses writ- ten on that occasion, sufficiently crabbed and in- comprehensible to confound the whole universe. But it was a movino; si^lit to see the buxom lasses, how they hung about the doughty Antony Van Corlear, — for he was a jolly, rosy -faced, lusty bachelor, fond of his joke, and withal a desperate rogue among the women. Fain would they have kept him to comfort them while the army was away ; for, besides what I have said jf him, it is no more than justice to add, that he was a kind-hearted soul, noted for his benevolent attentions in comfortin2^ disconsolate wives durhior tlie absence of their husbands ; and this made Wm to be vei'y much regarded by the honest 406 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. burghers of the city. But nothing could keep the vaHant Antony from following the heels of the old governor, whom lie loved as he did his YQYj soul ; so, embracing all the young vrouws, and giving every one of them that had good teeth and rosy lips a dozen hearty smacks, he deparl."*d, loaded Avith their kind wishes. Nor was the departure of the gallant Peter among the least causes of public distress. Though the old governor was by no means indulgent to the follies and waywardness of his subjects, yet somehow or other he had become strangely popu- lar among the people. There is something so captivating in personal bravery, that, with the common mass of mankind, it takes the lead of most other merits. The simple folk of New Am- sterdam looked upon Peter Stuyvesant as a prod- igy of valor. His wooden leg, that trophy of his martial encounters, was regarded with reverence and admiration. Every old burgher had a bud- get of miraculous stories to tell about the exploits of Hardkoppig Piet, wherewith he regaled his children of a long Avinter night, and on which he dwelt with as much delight and exaggeration as do our honest country yeomen on the hardy adventures of old General Putnam (or, as he is familiarly termed. Old Put) during our glorious Revolution. Not an individual but verily believed the old governor was a match for Beelzebub liim- eelf ; and there was even a story told, with great mystery, and under the rose, of his having shot the devil with a silver bullet one dark stormy night, as lie was sailing in a Ciuioe through Hell- HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 407 gate, — but this I do not record as being an abso- lute fact. Perish the man who would let fall a (Ii'op to discolor the pure stream of history ! Certain it is, not an old woman in New Am sterdam but considered Peter Stuyvesant as a tower of strength, and rested satisfied that tlie public welfare was secure so loug as he was in the city. It is not surprising, then, that they looked upon his departure as a sore affliction. With heavy hearts they draggled at the heels of his troop, as they marched do^^^l to the river-side to embark. The governor, from the stern of his schooner, gave a short but truly patriarchal ad- dress to his citizens, wherein he recommended them to comport like loyal and peaceable sub- jects, — to go to church regularly on Sundays, and to mind their business all the week besides. That the women should be dutiful and affection- ate to their husbands, — looking after nobody's concerns but their o^vn, — eschewing all gossip- ings and morning gaddings, — and carrying short tongues and long petticoats. That the men should abstain fi'om intermeddling in public con- cerns, intrusting the cares of government to the officers appointed to support them, — staying; at home, like good citizens, making money for them- selves, and getting cliildren for the benefit of their country. That the burgomasters should look well to tlie public interest, — not oppressing the poor nor indulging the rich, — not tasking their inge- nuity to devise new laws, but faithfully enforcing Jiose which were already made, — rather bending tlieir attention to prevent evil than to punish it ; 408 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ever recollecting that civil magistrates si.jalu consider themselves more as guardians of public morals than rat-catchers employed to entrap pub- lic delinquents. Finally, he exhorted tliem, one and all, high and low, rich and poor, to conduct themselves as well as they could, assuring them that if they faithfully and conscientiously com- plied with this golden rule, there was no danger but that they would all conduct themselves well enough. This done, he gave them a paternal benediction, the sturdy Antony sounded a most loving farewell with his trumpet, the jolly crews put up a shout of triumph, and the invincible armada swept off proudly down the bay. The good people of New Amsterdam crowded down to the Battery, — that blest resort, from whence so many a tender prayer has been wafted, so many a fair hand waved, so many a tearful look been cast by lovesick damsel, after the 1-es- senmg bark, bearing her adventurous swain to distant climes ! — Here the populace watched with straining eyes the gallant squadron, as it slowly floated do^vn the bay, and when the inter- vening land at the Narrows shut it from their sight, gradually dispersed with silent tongues and downcast countenances. A heavy gloom hung over the late bustling city : tlie honest burghers smoked their pipes in profound thoughtfulness, casting many a wistful look to the weathercock on the clnu'ch of St. Nicholas ; and all tlie old women, having no lon- ger the presence of Peter Stuyvesant to hearten them, gathered tlieir children home, and barri- I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 409 caded the doors and windows every evening at sundown. In the meanwhile the armada of the sturdy Peter proceeded prosperously on its voyage ; and after encountering about as many storms, and wa- ter-spouts, and whales, and other horrors and phenomena as generally befall adventurous lands- men in perilous voyages of the kind, and after undergoing a severe scourmg from that deplor- able and unpitied malady called seasickness, the whole squadron arrived safely in the Delaware. Without so much as dropping anchor and giv- ing his wearied ships time to breathe, after labor- ing so long on the ocean, the intrepid Peter pur- sued his course up the Delaware, and made a sudden appearance before Fort Casimir. Hav- ing summoned the astonished garrison by a ter- rific blast from the trumpet of the long-winded Van Corlear, he demanded, in a tone of thunder, an instant surrender of the fort. To this de- mand, Suen Skytte, the wind-dried commandant, replied in a shrill, wliiffling voice, which, by reason of his extreme spareness, sounded like the Avind whistling through a broken bellows, — ■ " That he had no very strong reason for refusing, except that the demand was particularly disagree- able, as he had been ordered to maintain his post to the last extremity." He requested time, therefore, to consult with Governor Risingh, and proposed a truce for that purpose. The choleric Peter, indignant at having his rightful fort so treacherously taken from him, and thus pertinaciouslj withheld, refused the proposed 410 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ai'mistice, and swore by the pipe of St. Nicholas, which, like the sacred fii'e, was never extin- guished, that unless the fort were surrendered in ten minutes, he would incontinently storm the works, make all the garrison run the gauntlet, and split their scoundrel of a commander like a pickled shad. To give this menace the greater effect, ho drew forth his trusty sword, and shook it at them with such a fierce and vigorous motion, that doubtless, if it had not been exceeding rusty, it would have lightened terror into the eyes and hearts of the enemy. He then ordered his men to bring a broadside to bear upon the fort, con- sisting of two swivels, three muskets, a long duck fowling-piece, and two brace of horse-pistols. In the mean time the sturdy Van Corlear mar- shalled all the forces, and commenced his warlike operations. Distending his clieeks like a very Boreas, he kept up a most horrific twanging of his trumpet, — the lusty choristers of Sing-Sing broke forth into a hideous song of battle, — the warriors of Breuckelen and the Wallabout blew a potent and astonishing blast on tlieir concli shells, — altogetlier forming as outrageous a con- certo as thou2:h five thousand French fiddleis were displaying their skill in a modern overture. Whether the formidable front of war thus sud- denly presented smote tlie garrison with sore dis- may, — or whether the concluding terms of the summons, which mentioned that he should sur- render " at discretion," were mistaken by Suen Skytte, who, though a Swede, was a very consid- srate, easy-tempered man, as a compliment to hia HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 411 discretion, I will not take upon me to say ; cer- tain it is he found it impossible to resist so cour- teous a demand. Accordingly, in the very nick of time, just as the cabin-boy had gone after a coal of fire to discharge the swivel, a chamade was beat on the rampart by the only drum in the garrison, to the no small satisfaction of both parties, who, notwithstanding their great stomach for fighting, had full as good an inclination to eat a quiet dinner as to exchange black eyes and bloody noses. Thus did this impregnable fortress once more return to the domination of their High Mighti- nesses. Skytte and his garrison of twenty men were allowed to march out vdih. the honors of war ; and the victorious Peter, who was as gener- ous as brave, permitted them to keep possession of all their arms and ammunition, — the same on inspection being found totally unfit for service, havinsr lonir rusted in the mao;azine of the for- es c o tress, even before it was ^\Tested by the Swedes from the windy Van Pofi^enburgh. But I must not omit to mention tliat the governor was so well pleased with the service of his faithful squire. Van Corlear, in the reduction of this great fortress, that he made him on the spot lord of a goodly domain in the vicinity of New Amster- dam, — which goes by the name of Corlear's Hook unto this very day. The unexampled liberality of Peter Stuyve- sant towards the Swedes, occasioned great sur- prise in the city of New Amsterdam, — nay, cer- tain factious iiidividuals^ who had been enhght- 412 niSlORY OF NEW YORK, ened by political meetings in the days of William the Testy, but who had not dared to indulge their meddlesome habits under the eye of their present ruler, now, emboldened by his absence, gave vent to their censures in the street. Murmurs were heard in the very council-chamber of New Am- sterdam ; and there is no knowing whether they might not have broken out into downright speeches and invectives, had not Peter Stuyve- sant privately sent home his walking-staff, to be laid as a mace on the table of tlie council-cham- ber, in the midst of his counsellors ; who, like wise men, took the hmt, and forever after held their peace. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. i\^ CHAPTER Vn. BHOWINO THE GBEAT ADVANTAGE THAT THE AUTHOR HAS OVEA HIS READER IN TDIE OF ^TTLE — TOGETHER WITH DIVERS PORTENTOUS MOVEMENTS ; WHICH BETOKEN THAT SOMETHING TERRIBLE IS ABOUT TO HAPPEN. IKE as a mighty alderman, when at a corporation feast the first spoonful of turtle-soup salutes his palate, feels his appetite but tenfold quickened, and redoubles liis vigorous attacks upon the tureen, while his pro- jecting eyes roU greedily round, devouring every- thing at table, so did the mettlesome Peter Stuy- vesant feel that hunger for martial glory, which raged within his bowels, inflamed by the captui'e of Fort Casimir, and nothuig could allay it but the conquest of all New Sweden. No sooner, therefore, had he secured his conquest, than he stumped resolutely on, flushed with success, to gather fresh laurels at Fort Cliristina.^ This was the grand Swedish post, established on a small river (or, as it is improperly termed, creek) of the same name ; and here that crafty governor Jan Risingh lay grimly drawn up, like a gray-bearded spider in the citadel of liis web. But before we hurry into the direful scenes 1 At present a flourishing town, called Christiana, or Chria- teen, about thirty-seven miles from Philadelphia, on the post* road to Baltimore. 414 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. which must attend the meeting of two such po- tent chieftains, it is advisable to pause for a moment, and hold a kind of Avarlike council Battles should not be rushed into precipitately by the historian and liis* readers, any more than by the general and liis soldiera The great com- manders of antiquity never engaged the enemy without previously preparing the minds of their followers by animating hai'angues, spiriting them up to heroic deeds, assuring them of the protec- tion of the gods, and inspiring them with a con- fidence in the prowess of their leaders. So the historian should awaken the attention and enhst the passions of his readers ; and having set them all on fire with the importance of his subject, he should put himself at their head, flourish his pen, and lead them on to the thickest of the fight. An illustrious example of this rule may be seen in that mirror of historians, the immortal Thucydides. Having arrived at the breaking out of the Peloponnesian war, one of his commenta- tors observes that " he sounds the charge in all the disposition and spirit of Homer. He cata- logues the allies on both sides. He awakens our expectations, and fast engages our attention. All mankind are concerned in the important point now going to be decided. Endeavors are made to disclose futurity. Heaven itself is in- terested in the dispute. The earth totters, and nature seems to labor with the great event. This is his solemn, sublime manner of settuig out. Thus he magnifies a war between two, as HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 415 Rapin styles them, petty states ; and thus art- folly he supports a little subject by treating it in ft great and noble method." Li hke manner, having conducted my readers into the very teeth of peril, — having followed the adventurous Peter and his band into foreign regions, surrounded by foes, and stimned by the hoiTid din of arms, — at this important moment, while darkness and doubt hang o'er each coming chapter, I hold it meet to harangue them, and prepare them for the events that are to follow. And here I would premise one great advantage which, as historian, I possess over my reader ; and this it is, that, though I camiot save the life of my favorite hero, nor absolutely contradict the event of a battle (both which liberties, though often taken by the French writers of the present reign, I hold to be utterly unworthy of a scrupu- lous historian), yet I can now and then make him bestow on his enemy a sturdy back-stroke sufficient to fell a giant, — though, in honest truth, he may never have done anything of the kind, — or I can drive his antasronist clear round and round the field, as did Homer make that fine fel- low Hector scamper like a poltroon round the walls of Troy ; for which, if ever they have en- comitered one another in the Elysian fields, E '11 warrant the prince of poets has had to make the most humble apology. I am aware* that many conscientious readers will be ready to cry out " foul play ! " whenever I render a little assistance to my hero, but I con- sider it one of those privileges exercised by his- 416 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. torians of all ages, and one which has never been disputed. An historian is, in fact, as it were, bound in honor to stand by his hero ; the fame of the latter is intrusted to his hands, and it is his duty to do the best by it he can. Never was there a general, an admiral, or any other com- mander, wlio, in giving account of any battle he had fought, did not sorely belabor the enemy ; and I have no doubt that, had my lieroes \vi-itten the history of their own achievements, they would have dealt much harder blows than any that I shall recount. Standing forth, therefore, as the guardian of their fame, it behooves me to do them the same justice they would have done them- selves ; and if I happen to be a little hard upon the Swedes, I give free leave to any of their descendants, who may wi?ite a story of the State of Delaware, to take fair retaliation, and belabor Peter Stuyvesant as hard as they please. Therefore stand by for broken heads and bloody noses ! My pen hath long itched for a battle ; siege after siege have I carried on with- out blows or bloodshed ; but now I have at length got a chance, and I vow to Heaven and St. Nicholas, that, let the chronicles of the times say what they please, neither Sallust, Livy, Taci- tus, Polybius, nor any other historian, did ever record a fiercer fight than that in which my val- iant chieftains are now about to engage. And you, oh most excellent readers, whom, for your faithful adherence, I could clierisii in the warmest corner of my heart, be not uneasy, — trust the fate of our favorite Stuyvesant with me. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 417 for by the rood, come what may, I '11 stick by Hardkoppig Piet to the last. I'll make him drive about these losels vile, as did the renowned Launcelot of the Lake a herd of recreant Cor- nish knights ; and if he does fall, let me never draw my pen to fight another battle in behalf of a brave man, if I don't make these lubberly Swedes pay for it! No sooner had Peter Stuyvesant arrived at Fort Christina than he proceeded without delay to intrench himself, and immediately on running his first parallel, dispatched Antony Van Corlear to summon the fortress to surrender. Van Cor- lear was received with all due formality, hood- winked at the portal, and conducted tlirough a pestiferous smell of salt fish and onions to the citadel, a substantial hut built of pine logs. His eyes were here uncovered, and he found himself in the august presence of Governor Risingh. This chieftain, as I have before noted, was a very giantly man, and was clad in a coarse blue coat, strapped round the waist ^nth a leathern belt, vvliich caused the enormous skirts and pockets tc set ofi^ with a very warlike sweep. His ponder- ous legs were cased in a pair of foxy-colored jackboots, and he was straddling in the attitude of the Colossus of Rhodes before a bit of broken looking-glass, shaving himself Avith a villanously dull razor. This afiiicting operation caused him to make a series of horrible grimaces, which heightened exceedingly the grisly terrors of hi? visage. On Antony Van Corlear's being an- :iounced, the grim commander paused for a mo- 418 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. rnent in the midst of one of his most hiird-far vored contortions, and after eying him askance over tlie shoulder, with a kind of snarhng grin on his countenance, resumed his labors at the glass. This iron harvest behig reaped, he turned once more to the trumpeter, and demanded the purport of his errand. Antony Van Corlear delivered in a few words, being a kind of short-hand speaker, a long message from his Excellency, re vjounting the whole history of the province, with a recapitulation of grievances, and enumeration of claims, and concluding Avith a peremptory demand of instant surrender ; which done, he turned aside, took his nose between his thumb and fingers, and blew a tremendous blast, not uidike the flourish of a ti'umpet of defiance, — which it had doubtless learned from a long £md Ultimate neighborhood with that melodious instru- , ment. Governor Risingh heard him through, trumpet and all, but with uifinite impatience, — leaning at times, as was his usual custom, on the pommel of his sword, and at times twirling a huge steel watch-chair., or snapping his fingers. Van Cor- lear having finished, he bluntly replied, that Peter Stuyvesant and his summons might go to the d — 1, whither he hoped to send him and his crew of ragamuffins before supper-time. Then un- sheathing liis brass-hilted sword, and throwing away the scal)l)ard, — " 'Fore gad," quod he, '" but I will not sheathe tliee again until I make a Rcabbard of the smoke-dried leathern liide of this HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 419 niiiagate Dutchman." Then havmg fiung a fierce defiance in the teeth of his adversary by the lips of his messenger, the latter was reconducted to tlie portal with all the ceremonious civility duo to the trumpeter, squire, and ambassador of so great a commander; and being again unl^linded, wius coiu'teously dismissed with a tweak of the nose, to assist him in recollecting his message. No sooner did the gallant Peter receive this insolent reply than he let fiy a tremendous volley of red-hot execrations, which would infallibly have battered down the fortifications, and blown up the powder-magazine about the ears of the fiery Swede, had not the ramparts been remark- ably strong, and the magazine bomb-proof. Per- ceiving that tiie works withstood this terrific blast, and that it was utterly impossible (as it really was in those unphilosophic days) to carry on a war with words, he ordered his merry men all to prepare for an immediate assault. But hei'e a strange murmur broke out among his troops, beginning with the tribe of the Van Bum- mels, those valiant trencheruien of the Bronx, and sp]"eading from man to man, accompanied with certain mutinous looks and discontented murmurs. For once in his life, and only for once, did the great Peter turn pale, for he verily lljouijht his warriors were sroinff to falter in this hour of perilous trial, and thus to tarnish for- ever the ftune of the province of New Nether- lands. But soon did lie discover, to his great joy, that in his suspicion he deeply wronged his most un- 420 nrsTORY of new york. daunted army ; for the cause of this agitation and uneasiness simply was, that the hour of dinner was at hand, and it would have almost broken the hearts of the:5e regidar Dutcli warriors to have broken in upon the invariable routine of their habits. Besides, it was an established rule among our ancestors always to fight upon a full stomach ; and to this may be doubtless attributed the cii'cumstance that they came to be so re- nowned in arms. And now are the hearty men of the Manhat- toes, and their no less hearty comrades, all lustily engaged mider the trees, buffeting stoutly with the contents of their wallets, and taking such affectionate embraces of their canteens and pot- tles as though they verily believed they were to be the last. And as I foresee we shall have hot work in a page or two, I advise my readers to do the same, for which j)urpose I will bring this chapter to a close, — giving them my word of honor, that no advantage shall be taken of this armistice to surprise, or in any wise molest, the lionest Nederlanders while at their vigorous re> piiftt. HISTORY OF NEW YORR. 421 CHAPTER Vm. JONTAINIXa THE MOST HORRIBLE BATTLE EVER RECORDED IN Po'eTRT C» PROSE ; WITH THE ADMIRABLE EXPLOITS OP PETER THE HEADSTRONG. ^"il^^OW had the Dutchmen snatched a huse .III.. ■». ir - I L J J5 repast, and finding tliemselves wonder- fidly encouraged and animated thereby, prepared to take the field. Expectation, says the writer of the Stuyvesant manuscript, — Expectation now stood on stilts. The world for- got to turn round, or rather stood still, that it might witness the affray, — like a round-bellied alderman, watching the combat of two chivalrous flies upon his jerkin. The eyes of all mankind, as usual in such cases, were turned upon Fort Christina. The sun, like a little man in a crowd at a puppet-show, scampered about the heavens, popping his head here and there, and endeav- oring to get a peep between the unmannerly clouds that obtruded themselves in his way. The historians filled their mkhorns ; the poets went without then- dmnefs, either that they might buy paper and goose-quills, or because they could not get anythmg to eat. Antiquity scowled sul- kily out of its grave, to see itself outdone, — while even Posterity stood mute, gazing in gap- ing ecstasy of retrospection on the eventful field. The immortal deities, who whilom had seen 422 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. service at the " affair " of Troy, now mounted their feather-bed clouds, and sailed over the plain, or minficled amon<2^ the combatants in different dis- guises, all itching to have a finger in the pie. Jupiter sent off his thunderbolt to a noted cop- persmith, to have it furbished up for the direful occasion. Venus vowed by her chastity to pat- ronize the Swedes, and in semblance of a blear- eyed trull paraded the battlements of Fort Chris- tina, accompanied by Diana, as a sergeant's wid- ow, of cracked reputation. The noted bidly, Mars, stuck two horse-pistols into his belt, shoul- dered a rusty firelock, and gallantly swaggered at their elbow, as a drunken corporal, — while Apollo trudged in theii* I'car, as a bandy-legged fifer, playing most villanously out of tune. On the other side, the ox-eyed Juno, who had gained a pan- of black eyes overnight, in one of her curtain-lectures with old Jupiter, displayed her haughty beauties on a baggage-wagon ; Mi- nerva, as a brawny gin-suttler, tucked up her skirts, brandished her fists, and' swore most hero- ically, in exceeding bad Dutch (having but lately studied the language), by way of keeping up the spirits of the soldiers ; while Vulcan halted as a club-footed blacksmith, lately promoted to be a captain of militia. All was silent awe, or bus- tling preparation : war reared his horrid front, gnashed loud his ii'on fangs, and shook his direful crest of bristling bayonets. And now the n"Hglity chieftains marshalled out tlicir hosts. Here stood stout Rishigh, firm as a thousand rocks, — iucrusted with stockades, and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 423 uitreuclied to the chin m mud batteries. His valiant soldiery lined the breastwork in grim array, each having his mustachios fiercely greased, and his hair pomatumed back, and queued so stiffly, that he grinned above the ramparts like a grisly death's-head. There came on the intrepid Peter, — his brows knit, his teeth set, his fists clenched, ahnost breathing forth volumes of smoke, so fierce was the fire that raged witliin his bosom. His faith- ful squire Van Corlear trudged valiantly at his heels, with his trumpet gorgeously bedecked with red and yellow ribbons, the remembrances of his fair mistresses at the Manhattoes. Then came waddling on the sturdy chivahy of the Hudson. There were the Van Wycks, and the Van Dycks, and the Ten Eycks ; the Van Nesses, the Van Tassels, the Van Grolls ; the Van Hcesens, the Van Giesons, and the Van Blarcoms ; the Van Warts, the Van Winkles-, the Van Dams ; the Van Pelts, the Van Rippers, and the Van Brmits. There were the Van Homes, the Van Hooks, the Van Bunschotens ; the Van Gelders, the Van Arsdales, and the Van Bummels ; the Vander Belts, the Vander Hoofs, the Vander Voorts, the Vander Lyns, the Vander Pools, and the Vander Spiegles ; — then came the Hoffmans, the Hoogh- lauds, the Hoppers, the Cloppers, the Ryckmans, the Dyckmans, the Hogebooms, the Rosebooms, the Oothouts, the Quackenbosses, the Roerbacks, the Garrebrantzes, the Bensons, the Brouwers, Uie Waldrons, the Onderdonks, the Varra Van^ gcrs, the Schermerhorns, the Stoutenbui'ghs, the 424 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Briiikerlioffs, tlie Bontecous, the Knickerbockers, Mie Ilockstrassers, the Ten Breecheses and the Tongh Breecheses, with a host more of worthies, whose names are too crabbed to be written, or if Ihey could be written, it would be impossible for man to utter, — all fortified with a mighty din- iiei', and, to use the words of a great Dutch poet, " Brimful of wrath and cabbage." For an instant the mighty Peter paused in the midst of his career, and mounting on a stump, addressed liis troops in eloquent Low Dutch, ex- horting them to fight like duyvels, and assuring them that if they conquered, they should get plenty of booty, — if they fell, they should be allowed the satisfaction, Avliile dying, of reflecting that it was in the service of their country, and after they were dead, of seeing their names in- scribed in the temple of renown, and handed down, in company with all the other great men of the year, for the admiration of posterity. Finally, he swore to them, on the word of a gov- ernor (and they knew him too well to doubt it for a moment), tliat if he caught any mother's son of them looking pale, or playing craven, he would curry his hide till he made him run out of it like a snake in spring-time. Then lugging out his trusty sabre, he brandished it three times ov^er his head, ordered Van Corlear to sound a charge, and shouting the words " St. Nicholas And the Maniiattoes ! " courageously dashed for- wards. His warlike followers, who had employed *he interval in lighting ♦heir pipes, instiintly stuck HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 425 them into their mouths, gave a furious puff, and charged gallantly under cover of the smoke. The Swedish garrison, ordered by the cunning Risingh not to fire until they could distinguish the whites of their assailants' eyes, stood in hor rid silence on the covert-way, until the eager Dutchmen had ascended the glacis. Then did they pour into them such a tremendous volley, that the very hills quaked around, and were ter- rified even unto an incontinence of water, inso- much that certain springs burst forth from their sides, which continue to run mito the present day. Not a Dutchman but would have bitten the dust beneath that dreadful fire, had not the protecting Minerva kindly taken care that the Swedes should, one and all, observe their usual custom of shutting then' eyes and turning away their heads at the moment of discharge. The Swedes followed up their fire by leaping the counterscarp, and filling tooth and nail upon the foe -with furious outcries. And now might be seen prodigies of valor, unmatched in history or song. Here was the sturdy Stoffel Brmker- hoff brandishing his quarter-staff, like the giant Blanderon his oak-tree (for he scorned to carry any other weapon), and drumming a horrific tune upon the hard heads of the Swedish soldiery. There were the Van Kortlandts, posted at a dis- tance, hke the Locrian archers of yore, and ply- mg it most potently with the long-bow, for which they were so justly renowned. On a rising knoll were gathered the valiant men of Sing-Sing, as- sisting marvellously in the fight, by chanting the 426 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. gi'eat song of St. Nicholas ; but as to the Gar- deniers of Hudson, they were absent on a ma- rauding party, la}'ing waste the neighboring water-melon patches. Li a different part of the field were the Van Grolls of Antony's Nose, struggling to get to the thickest of the fight, but horribly perplexed in a defile between two hills, by reason of the length of their noses. So also the Van Bunscho- tens of Nyack and Kakiat, so renowned for kick- ing with the left foot, were brought to a stand for want of wind, m consequence of the hearty din- ner they had eaten, and would have been put to utter rout but for the arrival of a gallant corps of voltigeurs, composed of the Hoppers, who ad- vanced nimbly to their assistance on one foot. Nor must I omit to mention the valiant achieve- ments of Antony Van Corlear, who, for a good quarter of an hour, waged stubborn fight with a little pursy Swedish drummer, whose liide he drummed most magnificently, and whom he Avould infallibly have annihilated on the spot, but that lie had come into the battle with no other weapon but his trumpet. But now the combat thickened. On came the mighty Jacobus Varra Vanger and the fighting- men of the Wallabout ; after them thundered the Van Pelts of Esopus, together with the Van Ri])pers and the Van Brunts, bearing down all before them ; then the Suy Dams, and the Van Dams, pressing forward with many a blustering oatli, at the liead of the warriors of Hell-gate, 3lad in their thunder-and-lightning gaberdines; HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 427 and lastly, the standard-bearers and body-guard of Peter Stuy vesant, bearing the great beaver of the Manhattoes. And now commenced the horrid din, the des- perate struggle, the maddenmg ferocity, the frantic desperation, the confusion and self-abandonment of war. Dutchman and Swede commingled, tugged, panted, and blowed. The heavens were darkened with a tempest of missives. Bang ! went the guns ; whack ! went the broad-swords ; thump ! went the cudgels ; crash ! went the mus- ket-stocks ; blows, kicks, cuffs, scratches, black eyes and bloody noses swelling the horrors of the scene ! Thick thwack, cut and hack, helter- skelter, higgledy-piggledy, hurly-burly, head- over-heels, rough-and-tumble ! Dunder and blix- um ! swore the Dutchmen ; splitter and splutter ! cried the Swedes. Storm the works ! shouted Hardkoppig Peter. Fire the mine ! roared stout Risingh. Tanta-rar-ra-ra ! twanged the trumpet of Antony Van Corlear ; — until all voice and sound became unintelligible, — grunts of pam, yells of fury, and shouts of triumph mmgling in one hideous clamor. The earth shook as if struck with a paralytic stroke ; trees shrunk aghast, and withered at the sight ; rocks burrowed m the gromid like rabbits ; and even Christina creek turned from its course, and ran up a hill in breatliless terror ! Lons huno: the contest doubtful ; for though a heavy shower of rain, sent by the " cloud-com- pelling Jove," in some measure cooled their ardor, as doth a bucket of water tlu'own on a group 428 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of fighting mastifis, yet did they but pause for a moment, to return with tenfold fury to the charge. Just at this juncture a vast and dense column of smoke was seen slowly rolling toward the scene of battle. The combatants paused for a moment, gazing in mute astonishment, until the wind, dispelling the murky cloud, revealed the flaunting banner of Michael Paw, the Patroon of Comraunipaw. That valiant chieftain came fear- lessly on at the head of a phalanx of oyster-fed Pavonians and a corps de reserve of the Van Arsdales and Van Bummels, who had remained behind to digest the enormous dinner they had eaten. These now trudged manfully forward, smoking their pipes with outrageous vigor, so as to raise the awful cloud that has been mentioned, but marching exceedingly slow, being short of leg, and of great rotundity in the belt. And now the deities who watched over the fortunes of the Nederlanders having unthinkingly left the field, and stepped into a neighboring tavern to refresh themselves with a pot of beer, a direful catastrophe had wellnigh ensued. Scarce had the myrmidons of Michael Paw attained the front of battle, when the Swedes, instructed by the cunning Risingh, levelled a shower 4)f blows full at their tobacco-pipes. Astounded at this assault, and dismayed at the havoc of their pipes, these ponderous warriors gave way, and like a drove of frightened elephants broke through the ranks of their own army. The little Hoppers were borne down in the surge; the sacred banner emblazoned with the gigantic oyster of Commu- HISTORY OF NKW YORK. 429 nipaw was trampled in the dirt ; on blundered and thundered the heavy-stemed fugitives, the Swedes pressing on their rear and applying their feet a parte poste of the Van Arsdales and the Van Bummels with a vigor that prodigfously accelerated their movements ; nor did the re- nowned Michael Paw himself fail to receive divers grievous and dishonorable visitations of shoe-leather. But Avhat, oh Muse ! was the rage of Peter Stuyvesant, when from afar he saw his army giv- ing way ! In the transports of his wrath he sent forth a roar, enough to shake the very hills. The men of the Manhattoes plucked up new courage at the sound, or, rather, they rallied at the voice of their leader, of whom they stood more in awe than of all the Swedes in Christendom. With- out waiting for their aid, the daring Peter dashed, sword in hand, into the thickest of the foe. Then might be seen achievements worthy of the days of the giants. Wherever he went, the enemy shrank before him ; the Swedes fled to right and left, or were driven, like dogs, into their own ditch ; but as he pushed forward singly Avith headlong courage, the foe closed behind and hung upon his real'. One aimed a blow full at his heart ; but the protecting power which watches over the great and good turned aside the hostile blade and dii-ected it to a side-pocket, where re- posed an enormous iron tobacco-box, endowed, •ike the shield of Achilles, with supernatural poAvers, doubtless from bearing the portrait of the bhissed St. Nicholas. P(;ter Stuyvesant turned 430 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. like an angry bear upon the foe, and seizing him, as he fled, by an immeasurable queue, " Ah, whoreson caterpillar," roared he, " here 's what shall make worms' meat of thee ! " So saying, he whirled his sword, and dealt a blow that would have decapitated the varlet, but that the pitying steel struck short and shaved the queue forever from his crown. At this moment an arquebusier levelled his piece from a neighboring mound, with deadly aim ; but the watchful Minerva, who had just stopped to tie up her garter, seeing the peril of her favorite hero, sent old Boreas Avith his bellows, who, as the match descended to the pan, gave a blast that blew the priming from the touch-hole. Thus waged the fight, when the stout Rismgh, surveying the field from the top of a little ravelin, perceived his troops banged, beaten, and kicked by the invincible Peter. Drawing his falchion and utterino; a thousand anathemas, he strode down to the scene of combat with some such thundering strides as Jupiter is said by Hesiod to have taken when he strode do^vn the spheres to hurl his thunder-bolts at the Titans. When the rival heroes came face to face, each made a prodigious stai't in the style of a veteran stage-champion. Then did they regard each other for a moment with the bitter aspect of two furious ram-cats on the point of a clapper- chunng. Then did they throw themselves into one attitude, then into another, striking their swoi'ds on the ground, first on the right side, tlien on the left; at last at it they went, with ii?credi- ni STORY OF NEW YORK. 431 ble ferocity. Words cannot tell the prodigies of strength and valor displayed in this direful en- counter, — an encounter compared to which the far-famed battles of Ajax ^•v\{\\ Hector, of ^Jieas witli Turnus, Orlando with Rodomont, Giiy of Warwick with Colbrand the Dane, or of that renowned Welsh knight, Sir Owen of the Moun- tains, with the giant Guylon, were all gentle sports and holiday recreations. At length the valiant Peter, watching his opportunity, aimed a blow, enough to cleave his adversary to tlie very chine ; but Risingh, nimbly raising his sword, warded it off so narrowly, that, glancing on one side, it shaved away a huge canteen in which he carried his liquor, — thence pursuing its trench- ant course, it severed off a deep coat-pocket, stored with bread and cheese, — which provant roUinoj amono- the armies, occasioned a fearful scrambling between the Swedes and Dutchmen, and made the general battle to wax more furious than ever. Enraged to see his military stores laid waste, the stout Risingh, collecting all his forces, aimed a mighty blow full at the hero's crest. In vain did his fierce little cocked hat oppose its course. The biting steel clove throuo;li the stubborn ram beaver, and would have cracked the crown of any one not endowed with supernatural hardnes? of head ; but the brittle weapon shivered in pieces on the skull of Hardkoppig Piet, shedding •a thousand sparks, like beams of glory, round his grizzly ^•isage. The good -Peter reeled with the blow, an(» 432 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. turning up his eyes beheld a thousand suns, be« Rides moons and stars, dancing about the firma- ment ; at length, missing his footing, by reason of his wooden leg, down he came on his seat of honor with a crash which shook the surrounding hills, and might have wrecked his frame, had he not been received into a cushion softer than vel- vet, which Providence, or Minerva, or St. Nicho- las, or some cow, had benevolently prepared for his reception. The furious Risingh, in despite of the maxim, cherished by all true knights, that " fair play is a jewel," hastened to take advantage of the hero's fall ; but, as he stooped to give a fatal blow, Peter Stuyvesant dealt him a thwack over the sconce with his wooden leg, which set a chime of bells ringing triple bob-majors in his cerebellum. The bewildered Swede stao^srered with the blow, and the wary Peter seizing a pocket-pistol, which lay hard by, discharged it full at the head of the reelino^ Risingh. Let not my reader mistake ; it was not a murderous weapon loaded with powder and ball, but a little sturdy stone pottle charged to the muzzle with a double dram of true Dutch courage, which tlie knowing Antony Van Corlear carried about him by way of replenishing his valor, and which had dropped fi-om liis wallet during his furious en- counter with tlie drummer. Tiie hideous weapon sang througli the air, and true to its course as was the fr{i<»;ment of a rock discliar";cd at Hector by bully Ajax, encountei'ed the head of the gigan- tic Swede with matchless violenceT HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 433 This heaven-directed blow decided the battle. The ponderous pericranium of General Jan Ris- ingh sank upon his breast ; his knees tottered under him ; a deathlike torpor seized upon his frame, and he tumbled to the earth with such violence, that old Pluto started with affright, lest he should have broken through the roof of hia infernal palace. His fall was the signal of defeat and victory : the Swedes gave way, the Dutch pressed for- ward ; tlie former took to their heels, the latter hotly pursued. Some entered with them, pell- mell, tlu-ough the sally-port ; others stormed the bastion, and others scrambled over the curtain. Thus in a little while the fortress of Fort Chris- tina, which, like another Troy, had stood a siege of full ten hours, was carried by assault, with- out the loss of a smgle man on either side. Vic- tory, in the likeness of a gigantic ox-fly, sat perched upon the cocked hat of the gallant Stuy- vesant ; and it was declared, by all the writers whom he hired to write the histoiy of his expe- dition, that on this memorable day he gained a sufficient quantity of glory to immortalize a dozen of the greatest heroes in Christendom I- 434 HISTORY OF NEW YORK CHAPTER IX. m WHICH THE AUTHOR AND THE READER, WHILE REPOSING AFTER TB* BATTLE. FALL INTO A VERY GRAVE DISCOURSE — AFTER WHICH IS RECORDED THE CONDUCT OP PETER STUTVESANT AFTER HIS VICTOR! HANKS to St. Nicholas, we have safely finished this tremendous battle : let us sit do\vn, my worthy reader, and cool ourselves, for I am in a prodigious sweat and agitation ; truly this fighting of battles is hot work ! and if your great commanders did but know what trouble they give their historians, they would not have the conscience to achieve so many horrible victories. But methinks I hear my reader complain, that throughout this boasted battle there is not the least slaughter, nor a sin- gle individual maimed, if we except the unhappy Swede, Avho was shorn of his queue by the tren- chant blade of Peter Stuyvesant ; all which, he observes, ,is a great outrage on probability, and liighly injurious to the interest of the narration. This is certainly an objection of no little mo- ment, but it arises entirely from the obscurity enveloping the remote periods of time about which I have midertaken to write. Thus, though doubtless, from tlie importance of the object and the prowess of the parties concerned, there must have been terrible carnage, and prodigies of valor r HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 435 displayed before the walls of Christina, yet, not- withstanding that I have consulted every history, manuscript, and tradition, touching this memora- ble though long-foro-otten battle, I cannot find meiition made of a single man killed or wounded in the whole affair. This is, without doubt, owing to the extreme modesty of our forefathers, who, unlike their descendants, were never prone to vaunt of their achievements ; but it is a virtue which places their historian in a most embarrassing predica- ment ; for, having promised my readers a liideous and unparalleled battle, and having worked them up into a warlike and blood-thirsty state of mind, to put them off without any havoc and slaughter would have been as bitter a disappointment as to summon a multitude of good people to attend an execution, and then cruelly balk them by a reprieve. Had the fates only allowed me some half a score of dead men, I had been content ; for I would have made them such heroes as abounded in the olden time, but whose race is now unfortu- nately extinct, — any one of whom, if we may believe those authentic writers, the poets, could drive great armies, like sheep, before him, and conquer and desolate whole cities by his single arm. But seeing that I had not a single life at my disposal, all that was left me was to make the most I could of my battle, by means of kicks, and cuffs, and bruises, and such like ignoble wounds. And here I camiot but compare my 436 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. dilemma, in some sort, to that of the divine IVlil- ton, who, having arrayed with sublime prepara- tion his immortal hosts against each other, is sadly put to it how to manage them, and hoAv he shall make the end of his battle answer to the beginning, inasmuch as, being mere spirits, lie cannot deal a mortal blow, nor even give a flesh wound to any of his combatants. For my part, the greatest difficulty I found was, when I had once put my warriors in a passion, and let them loose into the midst of the enemy, to keep them from doing mischief. Many a time had I to restrain the sturdy Peter from cleaving a gigan- tic Swede to the very waistband, or spitting half a dozen httle fellows on his sword, like so many sparrows. And when I had set some hundred of missives flying in the air, I did not dare to suffer one of them to reach the ground, lest it should have put an end to some unlucky Dutch- man. The reader cannot conceive how mortifying it is to a writer thus in a manner to have his hands tied, and how many tempting opportunities I had to wink at, Avhere I might have made as fine a death-blow as any recorded in history or song. From my own experience I begin to doubt most potently of the authenticity of many ecoming an exceedingly forlorn, well-belabored, and woe-begone little province. All which was providentially ordered to give interest and sublim- ity to this pathetic history. The first interruption to the halcyon quiet of Peter Stuyvesant was caused by hostile intelli- gence from the old belligerent nest of Rensellaer- stein. Killian, the lordly patroon of Rensellaer- wick, was again in the field, at the head of his myrmidons of the Helderberg, seeking to annex the whole of the Kaats-kill mountains to his do- minions. The Indian tribes of these mountains had likewise taken up the hatchet and menaced the venerable Dutch settlement of Esopus. Fain would I entertain the reader with the tri- umphant campaign of Peter Stuyvesant in the haunted regions of those mountains, but that I hold all Indian conflicts to be mere barbaric brawls, unworthy of the pen which has recorded the classic war of Fort Christina ; and as to these Helderberg commotions, they are amoiig the flatulencies wliich from time to time afflict the bowels of this ancient province, as with a wind-colic, and which I deem it seemly and de- cent to pass over in silence. The next storm of trouble was from the south. Scarcely had the worthy Mynheer Beekman got svai'm in the seat of authority on the South River, than enemies began to spring up all around him. Hard by was a formidable race 460 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of savages inhabiting the gentle region watered by the Susquehanna, of whom the following men- tion is made by Master Hariot, in his excellent history : " The Susquesahanocks are a giantly people, strange in proportion, behavior and attire — their voice sounding from them as out of a cave. Their tobacco-pipes were three-quarters of a yard long ; carved at the great end with a bird, beare, or other device, sufficient to beat out the brains of a horse. The calfe of one of theii* legges measured three-quarters of a yard about ; the rest of the limbs proportionable." ^ These gigantic savages and smokers caused no little disquiet in the mind of Mynheer Beekman, threatening to cause a famine of tobacco in the land ; but his most formidable enemy was the roaring, roistering English colony of Maryland, or, as it was anciently written, Merryland, — so called because the inhabitants, not having the fear of the Lord before their eyes, were prone to make merry and get fuddled with mint-julep and apple-toddy. They were, moreover, great horse- racers and cock - lighters, mighty wrestlers and jumpers, and enormous consumers of hoe-cake and bacon. They lay claim to be the first invent- ors of those recondite beverages, cock-tail, stone- fence, and sherry-cobbler, and to have discovered the gastronomical merits of terrapins, soft crabs, and canvas-back ducks. This rantipole colony, founded by Lord Balti- more, a British nobleman, was managed by liis 1 Harlot's Joarnal, Purch. Pilgrims. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 461 Agent, a swaggering Englishman, commonly called Fendall, that is to say, " offend all," — a name given him for his bullying propensities. These were seen in a message to Mynheer Beekman, threatening him, unless he immediately swore alleoiiance to Lord Baltimore as the risrhtful lord of the soil, to come, at the head of the roaring boys of Merryland and the giants of the Susque- hanna, and sweep him and his Nederlanders out of the country. The trusty sword of Peter Stuyvesant almost leaped from its scabbard when he received mis- sives from Mynheer Beekman, informing him of the swaggering menaces of llie bully Fendall ; and as to the giantly warriors of the Susque- hanna, nothmg would have more delighted him than a bout, hand to hand, with half a score of them, liaving never encountered a giant m the whole coiu'se of his campaigns, unless we may consider the stout Risingh as such — and he was but a little one. Nothing prevented his marching instantly to the South River and enacting scenes still more glorious than those of Fort Christina, but the necessity of first putting a stop to the increasing agrgrression^ and inroads of the Yankees, so as not to leave an enemy in his rear ; but lie wrote to Mynheer Beekman to keep up a bold front and stout heart, promising, as soon as he had settled affairs in the east, that he would hasten to the south with his burly warriors of the Hudson, to lower the crests of the giants, and mar the mer- *iment of the Merrylanders. 462 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER IV. noiV PETER 3TUYVESANT ADVENTURED INTO THE EAST OOUNIRT, AND HOW HE PARED THERE. O explain the apparently sudden move- ment of Peter Stuyvesant against the crafty men of the East Comitry, I would observe that, during his campaigns on the South River, and in the enchanted regions of the Cats- kill Mountains, the twelve tribes of the East had been more than usually active in prosecuting their subtle scheme for the subjugation of the Nieuw Nederlands. Lidependent of the incessant maraudings among hen-roosts and squattings along the border, invad- ing armies would penetrate, from time to time, into the very heart of the country. As their prototypes of yore went forth into tlie land of Canaan, with their wives and their children, their men-servants and their maid-servants, their flocks and herds, to settle themselves down in the Imid and possess it, so these chosen people of modem days would progress through the country in pa- triarchal style, conducting carts and wagons la- den with household furniture, with women and children piled on top, and jjots and kettles dan- gling beneath. At the tails of th(ise velw>4eH HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 463 would stalk a crew of long-limbed, lank-sided varlets, with axes on their shoulders and packs on their backs, resolutely bent upon " locating " them- selves, as they termed it, and improving the country. These were the most dangerous kind of invaders. It is true they were guilty of no overt acts of hostility ; but it was notorious that, wherever they got a footing, the honest Dutch- men gradually disappeared, retiring slowly, as do the Indians before the white men, being in some way or other talked and chafted, and bargained and swapped, and, m plam English, elbowed out of all those rich bottoms and fertile nooks in which our Dutch yeomamy are prone to nestle themselves. Peter Stuyvesant was at length roused to this kind of war m disguise, by which the Yankees were craftily aimmg to subjugate his dominions. He was a man easily taken in, it is true, as all great-hearted men are apt to be ; but if he once found it out, his ^vl'ath was terrible. He now threw diplomacy to the dogs — determined to appear no more by ambassadors, but to repair in person to the great council of the Amphictyons, bearing the sword in one hand and the olive- branch in the other, and giving them their choice of sincere and honest peace, or open and iron war. His privy councillors were astonished and dis- mayed when he announced his determmation. For once they ventured to remonstrate, setting forth the rashness of venturing his sacred person In the midst of a strange and barbarous people. 464 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. They might as well have tried to turn a rusty weather-cock with a broken- winded bellows. In the fiery heart of the iron-headed Peter sat en- throned the five kinds of courage described by Ai'istotle ; and had the philosopher enumerated five hundred more, I verily believe he would have possessed them all. As to that better part of valor called discretion, it was too cold-blooded a virtue for his tropical temperament. Summoning, therefore, to his presence his trus- ty follower, Antony Van Corlear, he commanded him to hold himself in readiness to accompany him the folio wins: morninof on this his hazardous enterprise. Now Antony the Trumpeter was by this time a little stricken in years, but by dint of keeping up a good heart, and having never known care or sorrow (having never been mar- ried), he was still a hearty, jocund, rubicund, gamesome wag, and of great capacity in the doub- let. This last was ascribed to his living a jolly life on those domains at the Hook, wliich Peter Stuyvesant had granted to him for liis gallantry at Fort Casimir. Be this as it may, there was nothing that more delighted Antony than this command of the great Peter, for he could have followed the stout* hearted old governor to the world's end, witli love and loyalty ; and he moreover still remem- bered the frolicking, and dancing, and bundling, and other disports of the east country, and enter- tained dainty recollections of numerous kind and buxom lasses, whom he longed exceedingly again to encounter HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 465 Thus then did tliis mirror of hardihood set forth, with no other attendant but his triunpeter, upon one of the most perilous enterprises ever recorded in the annals of knight-errantry. For a single warrior to venture openly among a whole nation of foes, — but, above all, for a plain down- rigrht Dutchman to think of ne":otiatinoi; with the whole comicil of New England ! — never was there known a more desperate undertaking ! — Ever since I have entered upon the chronicles of this peerless but hitherto uncelebrated chieftain, has he kept me in a state of incessant action and anxiety with the toils and dangers he is constant- ly encountering. Oh ! for a chapter of the tran- quil reign of Wouter Van T^viller, that I might repose on it as on a feather-bed ! Is it not enough, Peter Stuyvesant, that I have once already rescued thee from the machi- nations of these terrible Amphictyons, by bringing the powers of witchcraft to thine aid? Is it not enough, that I have followed thee midaunted, like a guardian spirit, into the midst of the horrid battle of Fort Christina ? — that I have been put incessantly to my trumps to keep thee safe and sound, — now warding off with my single pen the shower of dastard blows that fell upon thy rear, — now narrowly shielding thee from a deadly thrust, by a mere tobacco-box, — now cas- ing thy dauntless skull with adamant, when even thy stubborn ram-beaver failed to resist the sword of the stout Risingh, — and now, not merely biinging thee off alive, but triumphant, from the clutches of the gigantic Swede, by the desperate 30 466 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. meana of a paltry stone pottle ? Is not all this enough, but must thou still be plunging into new difficulties, and hazarding in headlong enterprises thyself, thy trumpeter, and thy historian ? And now the ruddy-faced Aurora, like a bux- om chambermaid, draws aside the sable curtains of the night, and out bounces from his bed the jolly red-haired Phoebus, startled at being caught so late in the embraces of Dame Thetis. With many a stable-boy oath he harnesses his brazen- footed steeds, and whips, and lashes, and splashes up the firmament, like a loitering coachman, half an hour behind his time. And now behold that imp of fame and prowess, the headstrong Peter, bestriding a raw-boned, switch-tailed charger, gal- lantly arrayed in full regimentals, and bracing on his thigh that trusty brass-hilted sword, which had wrought such fearful deeds on the banks of the Delaware. Behold hard after him his doughty trumpeter, Van Corlear, mounted on aVbroken-winded, Avall- eyed, calico mare, his stone pottle, which had laid low the mighty Risingh, slung under his arm, and his trumpet displayed vauntingly in his right hand, decorated with a gorgeous banner, on which is emblazoned the great beaver of the Manhattoes. See them proudly issuing out of the city-gate, like an iron-clad hero of yore, with his faithful squire at his heels, the populace fol- lowing with their eyes, and shouting many a parting wish, and hearty cheering. — Farewell, Hardkoppig Piet ! Farewell, honest Antony ! — • Pleasant be your wayfaring — prosperous your HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 467 return ! The stoutest hero that ever drew a Bword, and the worthiest trumpeter that ever trod Bhoe-leather ! Legends are lamentably silent about the events that befell our adventurers in this their adven- turous travel, excepting the Stuyvesant manu- scrij)t, which gives the substance of a pleasant little heroic poem, wi'itten on the occasion by Dominie ^gidius Luyck,^ who appears to have been the poet-laureate of New Amsterdam. This inestimable manuscript assures us, that it was a rare spectacle to behold the great Peter and his loyal follower hailing the morning sun, and rejoic- mg m the clear countenance of nature, as they pranced it through the pastoral scenes of Bloe- men Dael ; which, in those days, was a sweet and rural valley, beautified with many a bright wild-flower, refreshed by many a pure streamlet, and enlivened here and there by a delectable ht- tle Dutch cottage, sheltered luider some sloping hill, and almost buried in embowermg trees. Now did they enter upon the confines of Con- necticut, where they encountered many grievous difficulties and perils. At one place they were assailed by a troop of country squires and militia colonels, who, mounted on goodly steeds, hung upon their rear for several miles, harassing them exceedingly with guesses and questions, more especially the worthy Peter, whose silver-chased leg excited not a little marvel. At another place, 1 This Luyck was moreover rector of the Latin School ic Nieuw Nederlands, 1663. There are two pieces addressed to iEgidins Luyck in D. Selyn's MSS. of poesies, upon his mar- riage with Judith Isendooru. Old MS. 468 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. hard by the renowned town of Stamford, they were set upon by a great and mighty legion of church-deacons, who imperiously demanded of them five sliiilings, for travelling on Sunday, and threatened to carry them captive to a neighboring church, whose steeple peered above the trees ; but these the valiant Peter put to rout with little difficulty, insomuch that they bestrode their canes and galloped off in horrible confusion, leaving theu' cocked hats behind in the hurry of their flight. But not so easily did he escape from the hands of a crafty man of Pyquag, Avho, with un- daunted perseverance, and repeated onsets, fairly bargamed him out of his goodly switch - tailed charger, leaving in place thereof a villanous, foundered Narraganset pacer. But maugre all these hardships, they pursued their journey cheerily along the course of the soft-flowuig Connecticut, whose gentle waves, says the song, roll through many a fertile vale and sunny plain, — now reflecting the lofty spires of the bustling city, and now the rural beauties of the humble hamlet, — now echoing with the busy hum of commerce, and now with the cheerful song of the peasant. At every town would Peter Stuyvesant, who was noted for warlike punctilio, order the stui'dy Antony to sound a courteous salutation ; tliough the manuscript observes, that the inhabitants were thrown into great dismay when they heard of his approach. For the fame of his incompa- rable acliievements on the Delaware had spread tlii'oughout the east country, and they dreaded I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 469 lest he had come to take vengeance on their man- ifold transgressions. But the good Peter rode through these towns with a smiling aspect, waving his hand with inexpressible majesty and condescension ; for he verily believed that the old clothes which these ingenious people had thrust into their broken windows, and the festoons of dried apples and peaches which ornamented the fronts of their houses, were so many decorations in honor of his approach, as it was the custom in the days of chivalry to compliment renowned heroes by sumpt- uous displays of tapestry and gorgeous furniture. The women crowded to the doors to gaze upon him as he passed, so much does prowess in arms delight the gentle sex. The little children, too, ran after him in troops, staring with wonder at his regimentals, his brimstone breeches, and the silver garniture of his wooden leg. Nor must I omit to mention the joy which many strapping wenches betrayed at beholding the jovial Van Corlear, who had whilom delighted them so much with his trumpet, when he bore the great Peter's challenge to the Amphictyons. The kind-hearted Antony alighted from his cahco mare, and kissed them r11 with infinite loving-kindness, — and was right pleased to see a crew of little trumpeters crowdino; around liim for his blessincr, each of whom he patted on the head, bade him be a good boy, and gave liim a penny to buy molas* ses candy. 470 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER V. ■OW THE YANKEES SECRETLY SOUGHT THE AID OF THE BRITISH CAJmif IN THEIR HOSTILE SCHEMES AGAINST THE MANHATTOES. jOW so it happened, that, while the great and good Peter Stuyvesant, followed by his trusty squire, was making his chival- ric progress through the east country, a dark and direful scheme of war against his beloved province was forming in that nursery of mon- stious projects, the British Cabinet. This, we are confidently informed, was the result of the secret instigations of the great council of the league ; who, finding themselves totally incompetent to vie in arms with the heavy- sterned warriors of the INIanhattoes and their iron-headed commander, sent emissaries to the British government, setting forth in eloquent lan- guage the wonders and delights of this delicious little Dutch Canaan, and imploring that a force might be sent out to invade it by sea, while they should cooperate by land. These emissaries arrived at a criticiil juncture, just as the British Lion was beginning to bristle up his mane and wag his tail ; for we are assured by the anonymous wi-iter of the Stuyvesant man- uscript, that tlie astoujiding victory of Peter HISTORY OF NEW YORK 471 Stiiyvesant at Fort Christina had resounded throughout Europe, and his annexation of the territory of New Sweden had awakened th*^ jeal- ousy of the British Cabinet for their wild lands at the south. This jealousy was brought to a head by the representations of Lord Baltimore, who declared that the territory thus annexed lay within the lands granted to him by the British crown, and he claimed to be protected in his rights. Lord Sterling, another British subject, claimed the whole of Nassau, or Long Island, Dnce the Ophir of William the Testy, but now the kitchen-garden of the Manhattoes, which he declared to be British territory by the right of discovery, but unjustly usurped by the Neder- landers. The result of all these rumors and representations was a sudden zeal on the part of his Majesty Charles the Second, for the safety and well-being of liis transatlantic possessions, and especially for the recovery of the New Nether- lands, which Yankee logic had, somehow or other, proved to be a continuity of the territory taken possession of for the British crown by the Pil- grims, when they landed on Plymouth Rock, fugi- tives from British oppression. All this goodly land, thus wrongfully held by the Dutchmen, he presented, in a fit of affection, to his brother, the Duke of York, — a donation truly royal, since none but great sovereigns have a right to give away what does not belong to them. That this munificent gift might not be merely nominal, his Majesty ordered that an armament should be straightway dispatched to invade the city of New 472 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Amsterdam by land and water, and put his brother in complete possession of tlie premises. Thus critically situated are the affairs of the New Nederlanders. Wliile the honest burghers are smoking their pipes m sober security, and the privy councillors are snoring in the council-cham- ber, — while Peter the Headstrong is undauntedly making his way through the east country in the confident hope by honest words and manly deeds to bring the grand council to terms, — a hostile fleet is sweeping like a thunder-cloud across the Atlantic, soon to rattle a storm of war about the ears of the dozing Nederlanders, and to put the mettle of their governor to the trial. But come what may, 1 here pledge my ve- racity, that in all warlike conflicts and doubtful perplexities he will ever acquit liimself like a gallant, noble-minded, obstinate old cavalier. — Forward, then, to the charge ! Shme out, pro- pitious stars, on the renowned city of tlie Mau- hattoes ; and the blessmg of St. Nicholas go with thee — honest Peter Stuyvesant. X HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 473 CHAPTER VI. 0» PETER STUrVESANT'S EXPEDITION INTO TUE EAST COUNTRT, SHOW INQ THAT, THOUGH AN OLD BIRD, HE DID NOT UNDERSTAND TRAP. !REAT nations resemble great men in this particular, that their greatness is seldom known until they get in trouble ; adversity, therefore, has been wisely denominated the ordeal of true greatness, which, like gold, can never receive its real estimation until it has passed through the furnace. In proportion, there- fore, as a nation, a community, or an individual (possessing the inherent quality of greatness) is involved in perils and misfortunes, in proportion does it rise in grandeur, and even when sinking under calamity, makes, like a house on fire, a more glorious display than ever it did m the fairest period of its prosperity. The vast empire of China, though teeming with population and imbibing and concentrating the wealth of nations, has vegetated tlu^ough a succession of drowsy ages ; and were it not for its internal revolutions, and the subversion of its ancient government by the Tartars, might have presented nothing but a dull detail of monotonous prosperity. Pom[)eii and Ilerculaneum might bave passed into oblivion, with a herd of tlieir con 474 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. temporaries, liad they not been fortunately over- whelmed by a volcano. The renowned city of Troy acquired celebrity only from its ten years' distress, and final conflagration ; Paris rose in importance by the plots and massacres which ended in the exaltation of Napoleon ; and even the mighty London has skulked through the rec- ords of time, celebrated for nothing of moment excepting the plague, the great fu'e, and Guy Faux's gunpowder plot ! Thus cities and em- pires creep along, enlarging in silent obscurity, until they burst forth in some tremendous calam- ity — and snatch, as it were, immortality from the explosion ! The above principle being admitted, my reader will plainly perceive that the city of New Am- sterdam and its dependent province are on the lii";h-road to o;reatness. Dano^ers and hostilities threaten from every side, and it is really a mat- ter of astonishment, how so small a state has been able, in so short a time, to entangle itself in so many difficulties. Ever since the province was first taken by tlie nose, at the Fort of Goed Hoop, in the tranquil days of Wouter Van Twil- ler, has it been gradually increasing in liistoric importance ; and never could it have had a more appropriate cliieftain to conduct it to the pinnacle of grandeur than Peter Stuyvesant. This truly headstrong hero having success- fully effected his daring progress througli the east country, girded up his loins as he approached Boston, and prepared for the gi'and onslaught with the Amphictyons, which was to be the HIST OR f OF NEW YORK. 475 orowning achievement of the campaign. Throw- ing Antony Van Corlear, who, with his calico mare, formed his escort and army, a little in the advance, and bidding him be of stout heart and great wmd, he placed himself firmly in his sad- dle, cocked his hat more fiercely over his left eye, summoned all the heroism of his soul into his countenance, and, with one arm akimbo, the hand resting on the pommel of his sword, rode into the great metropolis of the league, Antony sounding his trumpet before him in a manner to electrify the whole community. Never was there such a stu' in Boston as on this occasion ; never such a hurrying hither and thither about the streets ; such popping of heads out of wuidows ; such gathering of loiots in mar- ket-places. Peter Stuyvesant was a straightfor- ward man, and prone to do everythmg above- board. He would have ridden at once to the great council-house of the league and sounded a parley ; but the grand council knew the met- tlesome hero they had to deal with, and were not for doing things in a hurry. On the contrary, they sent forth deputations to meet him on the way, to receive him in a style befitting the great potentate of the Manhattoes, and to multi- ply all kind of honors, and ceremonies, and for- malities, and other courteous impediments in his path. Solemn banquets were accordingly given him, equal to thanksgiving feasts. Complimentary speeches Avere made him, wherein he was enter- tained with the surpassing virtues, long-sufi'erings, and achievements of the Pilgrim-Fathers; and it 476 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. IS even said he was treated to a sight of Plym outh Rock, — that great corner-stoue of Yankee empire. I mil not detain my readers by recounting the endless devices by which time was wasted, and obstacles and delays multiplied to the infinite an- noyance of the impatient Peter. Neither will 1 fatigue them by dwelling on his negoticitions with the grand council, when he at length brought them to business. Suffice it to say, it was like most other diplomatic negotiations : a great deal was said and very little done ; one conversation led to another, one conference begot misunder- standings which it took a dozen conferences to explain, at the end of which both parties found themselves just where they had begun, but ten times less likely to come to an agreement. In the midst of these perplexities which bewil- dered the brain and incensed the ii'C of honest Peter, he received private intelligence of the dark conspiracy matured in the Britisli cabinet, with the astounding fact that a British squadron was already on the way to invade New Amsterdam by sea, and that the grand council of Amphic- tyons, while thus beguiling him with subtleties, were actually prepared to cooperate by land ! Oh ! how did the sturdy old warrior rage and roar, when he found himself thus entrapped, like a lion in the hunter's toil ! Now did he draw his trusty sword, and determine to break in upon the council of the Ampliictyons and put every mother's son of them to death. Now did lie resolve to fight his way throughout all the region of the east, and to lay waste Connecticut river ! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 477 Gallant, but unfortunate Peter ! Did I not enter with sad forebodings on this ill-starred ex- pedition ? Did I not tremble Avlien I saw thee, with no other counsellor than tliine own head ; no other armor but an honest tongue, a spotless conscience, and a rusty sword ; no other pro- tector but St. Nicholas, and no other attendant but a trumpeter ; did I not tremble when I be- held thee thus sally forth to contend with all the iinowing powers of New England ? It was a long time before the kind-hearted expostulations of Antony Van Corlear, aided by the soothmg melody of his trumpet, could lower the spirits of Peter Stuyvesant from their war like and vmdictive tones, and prevent his making widows and orphans of half the population of Boston. With great difficulty he was prevailed upon to bottle up his wrath for the present, to conceal from the council his knowledge of their machinations, and by effecting his escape, to be able to arrive in time for the salvation of the Manhattoes. The latter suggestion awakened a new ray of hope in his bosom ; he forthwith dispatched a se- cret message to his councillors at New Amster- dam, apprising them of theu* danger, and com- manding them to put the city in a posture of defence, promismg to come as soon as possible to their assistance. This done, he felt marvel- lously relieved, rose slowly, shook himself like a rhinoceros, and issued forth from his den, in much the same mamier as Giant Despair is described to have issued from Doubting Castle, in the chi- valric history of the Pilgi'im's Progress. 478 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. And now much does it grieve me that I must leave the gallant Peter in this imminent jeopardy ; but it behooves us to hurry back and see what is gouig on at New Amsterdam, for greatly do I fear that city is already m a turmoil. Such was ever the fate of Peter Stuyvesant ; while doing one thing with heart and soul, he was too apt to leave everything else at sixes and sevens. While, Uke a potentate of yore, he was absent attending to those things in person which in mod- ern days are trusted to generals and ambassadors, his little territory at home was sure to get in an uproar ; — all which was owing to that uncom- mon strength of intellect, which induced him to trust to nobody but himself, and which had ac- quired him the renowned appellation of Peter the Headstrong HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 479 CHAPTER Vn. BOW THE PEOPLE OF NEW AMSTERDAM WERE THROWN INTO A GRKAl PANIC Ur THE NEWS OP THE THREATENED INVASION, AND THE MAN NEB IN WHICH THET FORTIFIED THEMSELVES. 'HERE is no sight more truly interesting to a philosopher than a community ^^^^j-^j^ where every individual has a voice in public affairs, where every individual considers himself the Atlas of the nation, and where every individual thinks it his duty to bestir himself for the good of his country ; I say, there is nothing more interesting to a philosopher than such a community in a sudden bustle of war. Such clamor of tongues — such patriotic bawling — such running hither and thither — everybody in a hurry — everybody in trouble — everybody in the way, and everybody interrupting his neighbor — who is busily employed in doing nothing ! It is Hke witnessmg a great fire, where the whole community ai'e agog — some dragging about empty engines — others scamper- ing Avith full buckets, and spilling the contents into their neighbor's boots — and others ringing the church-bells all night, by Avay of putting out the fire. Little firemen, like sturdy little kiJghta storming a breach, clambering up and down scal- ing-ladders, and bawling through tin trumpets, by 480 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. way of directing the attack. Here a fellow, in his gi'eat zeal to save the property of the unfor- tunate, catches up an anonymous chamber-utensil, and gallants it off witJi an air of as much self- importance as if he had rescued a pot of money; there another throws lookinf>:-f![lasses and china out of the wmdow, to save them from the flames ; whilst those who can do nothing else run up and down the streets, keeping up an incessant cry of Fire ! Fire ! Fire ! " Wlien the news amved at Sinope," says Lu- cian, — though I own the story is rather trite, — " that Philip was about to attack them, the inhab- itants were thrown into a violent alarm. Some ran to furbish up their arms ; others rolled stones to build up the Avails, — everybody, in short, was employed, and everybody in the way of his neighbor. Diogenes alone could find nothing to do ; whereupon, not to be idle when the welfare of his country was at stake, he tucked up his robe, and fell to rolling: his tub with mig-lit and main up and down the Gymnasium." In like manner did every mother's son in tlie patriotic community of New Amsterdam, on receiving the missive of Peter Stuyvesant, busy himself most mightily in putting things in confusion, and assisting the general uproar. " Every man " — saith the Stuyvesant manuscript — " flew to arms ! " — by which is meant, that not one of our honest Dutch citizens would venture to church or to market without an old-fashioned spit of a SA\'ord dangling at his side, and a long Dutch fowling- piece on his shoulder ; nor would he go out of a HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 481 /ijoht without a lantern; nor turn a corner with- out first peeping cautiously round, lest he should coT)\e unawares upon a British army ; — and we are informed that StofFel Brinkerhoff, who was considered by the old women almost as brave a man as the governor himself, actually had two one pound swivels mounted m his entry, one pointing out at the front door, and the other at the back. But the most strenuous measure resorted to on this awful occasion, and one which has since been found of wonderful efficacy, was to assemble pop- ular meetings. These brawling convocations, J! have already shown, were extremely offensive to Peter Stuyvesant ; but as this was a moment of unusual agitation, and as the old governor was not present to repress them, they broke out with intolerable violence. Hither, therefore, the ora- tors and politicians repaired, striving who shoidd bawl loudest, and exceed the others in hyperboli- cal bursts of patriotism, and in resolutions to up- hold and defend tlie government. In these sage meetings it was resolved that they were the most enlightened, the most dignified, the most formi- dable, and the most ancient community upon the face of the earth. This resolution being carried unanimously, another was immediately proposed, — whether it were not possible and politic to ex- terminate Great Britain ? upon Avhich sixty-nine members spoke in the affirmative, and only one arose to suggest some doubts, — who, as a punish- ment ibr his treasonable presumption, was imme- diatel}- seized by the mob, and tarred and feath- 31 482 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. ered, — which punishment being equivalent to the Tarpeian Rock, he was afterwards considered as an outcast from society, and his opinion went for nothing. The question, therefore, being unan- imously carried in the affii'mative, it was i-ec- ommended to the grand council to pass it into a law; which was accordingly done. By this measure the hearts of the people at large wcr».i wonderfully encouraged, and they waxed exceed- ingly choleric and valorous. Indeed, the first paroxysm of alarm having in some measure sub- sided, — the old women having buried all the money they could lay their hands on, and their husbands daily getting fuddled with what was left, — the community began even to stand on the offensive. Songs were manufactured in Low Dutch and sung about the streets, wherein the English were most wofully beaten, and shown no quarter ; and popular addresses were made, wherein it was proved, to a certainty, that the fate of Old England depended upon the will of the New Amsterdammers. Fmally, to strike a violent blow at the very vitals of Great Britain, a multitude of the wiser inhabitants assembled, and having purchased all the British manufactures they could find, they made thereof a huge bonfire ; and, in the patri otic glow of the moment, every man present, who had a hat or breeclies of English workmanship pulled it off, and threw it into the flames, — tc the irreparable detriment, loss, and ruui of the English mauutactu)"ers. In connnemoration of this great exploit, they erected a pole on the spot It. 'STORY OF NEW YORK. 48ii ivitli a device on the top intended to represent the pi-ovince of Nieiiw Nederhxnds destroying Great Britain, under the similitude of an Eagle picking the little Island of Old England out of the globe ; but either tlu'ough the unskilfulness of the sculptor, or his ill-timed waggeiy, it bore a Jlrikhig resemblance to a goose, vaiidy striving to get hold of a dumpling. •J84 HISTORY OF NEW YORK, CHAPTER Vra. HOVV THE GRAND COUXCIL OP THE NEW NETHERLANDS WERE MIRAOO LODSLT GIFTED WITH LONG TONGUES IN THE MOMENT OF EMERQENOS — SHOWING THE VALUE OP W0RD3 IN WARFARE. ^^^^^^T will need but little penetration in any one conversant with the ways of that wise but windy potentate, the sovereign people, to discover that notwithstanding all the wtirliJve bluster and bustle of the last chapter, tlie city of New Amsterdam was not a whit more prepared for war than before. The privy councillors of Peter Stuyvesant were aware of this ; and, having received his private orders to put the city hi an immediate posture of defence, they called a meeting of the oldest and rich- est buro;hers to assist tliem with tlieir wisdom. These were tliat order of citizens commonly termed " men of the greatest weight in the com- munity " ; tlieir weight being estimated by the heaviness of their heads and of their pursers. Their wisdom in fact is apt to be of a ponderous kind, and to hang like a mill-stone round the neck of the community. Two things were unanimously determined in this assembly of vcnerables : First, that the city rcjiiired to be put in a state of defence; and, HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 485 Second, that, as the danger was imminent, there should be no time lost : which points being set- tled, they fell to making long speeches and be- laboring one another in endless and intemperate disputes. For about this time was this unhappy city first visited by that talking endemic so prev- alent in this country, and which so invariably evinces itself wherever a number of wise men assemble together, breaking out in long, windy speeches, caused, as physicians suppose, by the foul air which is ever generated in a crowd. Now it was, moreover, that they first introduced the ingenious method of measuring the merits of an harangue by the hour-glass, he being consid- ered the ablest orator who spoke longest on a question. For which excellent hivention, it is recorded, we are indebted to the same profound Dutch critic who judged of books by their size. Tliis sudden passion for endless harangues, so little consonant with the customary gravity and taciturnity of our sage forefathers, was supposed by certain philosophers to have been imbibed, to- gether with divers other barbarous propensities, from their savage neighbors ; who were pecu- liarly noted for long talks and council-fires^ and never undertook any affair of the least impor- tance without previous debates and harangues among their chiefs and old men. But the real cause was, that the people, in electing their rep- resentatives to the grand council, were particular in choosing them for their talents at talking, without inquiring whether they possessed the more rare, difficult, and ofttimes important talent 486 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of holding their tongues. The consequence was, that this deliberative body was composed of the most loquacious men in the community. As they considered themselves placed there to talk, every man concluded that his duty to his constituents, and, what is more, his popidarity with them, required that he should harangue on every sub- ject, whether he understood it or not. There was an ancient mode of burying a chieftain, by every soldier throwing his shield full of eartli on the corpse, until a mighty mound was formed ; so, whenever a question was brought forward in this assembly, every member pressing forward to throw on his quantum of wisdom, the subject was quickly buried under a mountain of words. We are told that disciples, on entering the school of Pythagoras, were for two years enjoined silence, and forbidden either to ask questions, or make remarks. After they had thus acquired the inestimable art of holding their tongues, they were gradually permitted to make inquiries, and finally to communicate their own opinions. With what a beneficial effect could this wise regulation of Pythagoras be introduced in mod- ern legislative bodies, — and how wonderfully would it have tended to expedite business in the grand council of the Manhattoes ! At this perilous juncture the fatal word econ- omy, the stumbling-block of William the Testy, had been once more set afloat, according to which the cheapest plan of defence was msisted upon as the best ; it being deemed a great stroke of pol- icy in furnishing powder to economize in bidl. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 487 Thus did dame Wisdom (whom the wags of antiquity have humorously personified as a wom- an) seem to take a mischievous pleasure m jilt- ing the venerable councillors of New Amster- dam. To add to the confusion, the old factions of Short Pipes and Long Pipes, which had been almost strangled by the Herculean grasp of Peter Stuyvesant, now sprang up with tenfold vigor. Whatever was proposed by Short Pipe was op- posed by th(} whole tribe of Long Pipes, who, like true partisans, deemed it their first duty to effect the downfall of their rivals, their second, to elevate themselves, and their thu"d, to consult the public good ; though many left the third con- sideration out of question altogether. Li this great collision of hard heads it is aston- isliing the number of projects that were struck out, — projects which threw the Avind-mill system of William the Testy completely in the back- ground. These were almost uniformly opposed by the " men of the greatest weight in the com- munity ! " your weighty men, though slow to de- vise, being always great at " negativing." Among these were a set of fat, self-important old burgh- ers, who smoked their pipes, and said nothing except to negative every plan of defence pro- posed. These were that class of " conservatives " who, havmg amassed a fortmie, button up their pockets, shut their mouths, smk, as it were, into themselves, and pass the rest of their lives in the indwelling beatitude of conscious wealth ; as some phlegmatic oyster, having swallowed a r'mi'l, closes its shell, sinks in the mud, and 488 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. devotes the rest of its life to the conservation of its treasure. Every plan of defence seemed to these worthy old gentlemen pregnant with ruin. An armed force was a legion of locusts preying upon the public property ; to fit out a naval armament was to throw their money into the sea ; to build fortifications was to bury it in the dirt. In short, they settled it as a sovereign maxim, so long as their pockets were full, no matter how much they were drubbed. A kick left no scar ; a broken head cured itself ; but an empty purse was of all maladies the slowest to heal, and one iji which nature did nothing for the patient. Thus did this venerable assembly of sages lav- ish away that time which the urgency of affairs rendered invaluable, in empty brawls and long- winded speeches, without ever agreeing, except on the point with which they started, namely, that there was no time to be lost, and delay was ruinous. At length, St. Nicholas taking compas- sion on their distracted situation, and anxious to preserve them from anarchy, so ordered, that in the midst of one of their most noisy debates, on the subject of fortification and defence, when they had nearly fallen to loggerheads in conse- (juence of not being able to convince each other, the question was happily settled by the sudden cnti-ance of a messenger, who informed them that A hostile fleet had arrived, and was actually ad* vancing up the bay ! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 489 CHAPTER IX. IK WHICH THE TROUBLES OF NEW AMSTERDAM APPEAR TO THICKEN — SHOWINQ THE BRAVERY, IN TIME OP PERIL, OP A PEOPLE WHO DEPENB THEMSELVES BY RESOLDTION. ^ IKE as an assemblage of belligerent cats, gibbering and caterwauling, eying one another -with hideous gi'imaces and con- tortions, spitting in each other's faces, and on the point of a general clapper-clawing, are sud- denly put to scampering rout and confusion by the appearance of a house-dog, so was the no less vociferous council of New Amsterdam amazed, astounded, and totally dispersed, by the sudden arrival of the enemy. Every member waddled home as fast as his short legs could carry him, wheezing as he went with corpulency and terror. Arrived at his castle, he barricadoed the street- door, and buried himself in the cider - cellar, without venturing to peep out, lest he should have his head carried off by a cannon-ball. The sovereign people crowded into the mar- ket-place, herding together with the instinct of sheep, who seek safety in each other's comj)any when the sheplierd and his dog are absent, and the wolf is prowling round the fold. Far from finding relief, however, they only increased each other's terrors. Each man looked ruefully in his 490 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. neighbor's face, in search of encouragement, but only found in its woe-begone lineaments a confir- mation of his own dismay. Not a word now was to be lieard of conquering Great Britain, not a whisper about the sovereign virtues of economy, ■ — while the old women heightened the general gloom by clamorously bewailing their fate, and calling for protection on St. Nicholas and Peter Stuyvesant. Oh, how^ did they bewail the absence of the lion-hearted Peter ! and how did they long for the comfortmg presence of Antony Van Corlear ! Indeed, a gloomy uncertainty limig over the fate of these adventurous heroes. Day after day had elapsed since the alarming message from the gov- ernor, without brmging any fm'ther tidings of his safety. Many a fearful conjecture was hazarded as to what had befallen him and his loyal squire. Had they not been devoured alive by the canni- bals of Marblehead and Cape Cod? — had they not been put to the question by the great council of Amphictyons ? — had they not been smothered in onions by the terrible men of Pyquag ? In the midst of this consteruation and perplexity, when horror, like a mighty nightmare, sat brooding upon the little, fat, pletlioric city of New Amster- dam, the ears of the multitude were suddenly startled by the distant sound of a trumpet: it approached, it grew louder and louder, and now it resounded at tlie city gate. The public could not be mistaken in the well-known sound; a ehout of joy burst from their lips, as the gallant Peter, covered with dust, and followed by his BISTORT OF NEW YORK. 491 faithful trumpeter, came galloping into the mar- ket-place. The first transports of the populace having subsided, they gathered round the honest Antony, as he dismounted, overwhelming him with greet- ings and congratulations. In breathless accents he related to them the marvellous adventures through which the old governor and himself had gone, in making their escape from the clutches of the terrible Amphictyons. But though the Stuyvesant manuscript, ^^^tll its customary mi- nuteness where anything touching the great Peter is concerned, is very particular as to the incidents of this masterly retreat, the state of the public affairs will not allow me to indulge in a full reci- tal thereof. Let it suffice to say, that, while .Peter Stuyvesant was anxiously revolving m his mind how he could make good his escape with honor and dignity, certain of the ships sent out for the conquest of the Manliattoes touched at the eastern ports to obtain supplies, and to call on the grand council of the league for its prom- ised cooperation. Upon hearing of this, the vigi- lant Peter, perceiving that a moment's delay were fatal, made a secret and precipitate decampment ; though much did it grieve his lofty soul to 1)0 obliged to turn his back even upon a nation of foes. Many hair-breadth 'scapes and divers per- ilous mishaps did they sustain, as they scoui'ed, without somid of trumpet, through the fan* regions of the east. Already was the country in an up- roar with hostile preparations, and they were obliged to take a large circuit in their flight, 4d2 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. lurking along through the woody mountains of the Devil's backbone ; whence the valiant Petei Ballied forth one day like a lion, and put to rout a whole legion of squatters, consisting of three generations of a prolific family, who were already on their way to take possession of some corner of the New Netherlands. Nay, tlie faithful Antony had great difficulty, at sundry times, to prevent him, in the excess of his wrath, from descending down from the mountains, and falling, sword in hand, upon certain of the border-towns, Avho were marshallino; forth their drag-o-le-tailed militia. The first movement of the governor, on reach- ing his dwelling, was to mount the roof, whence he contemplated with rueful aspect the liostile squadron. This had already come to anchor in the bay, and consisted of two stout frigates, hav- ing on board, as John Josselyn, Gent., informs us, " three hundred valiant red-coats." Having taken this survey, he sat himself down and wrote an epistle to the commander, demanding the reason of his anchorinjx in tlie harbor without obtaininsj previous permission so to do. This letter was couched in the most dignified and courteous terms, though 1 have it from undoubted authority that his teeth were clinched, and he had a bitter, sar- donic grin upon his visage all the while he wrote. Having dispatched his letter, the grim Peter stumped to and fro about the town with a most war-betokening countenance, his hands thrust into his breeches-pockets, and whistling a Low-Dutch psalm-tune, which bore no small resemblance to the music of a northeast wind, when a storm is I HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 493 Drewing. The very dogs as tliey eyed him skulked away in dismay ; while all the old and ugly women of New Amsterdam ran howlmg at his heels, imploring him to save tliem from mur- der, robbery, and pitiless ravishment ! The reply of Colonel Nicholas, who command- ed the invaders, was couched in terms of equal courtesy with the letter of the governor ; declar- ing the riglit and title of his British Majesty to the province ; where he affirmed the Dutch to be mere interlopers ; and demanding that the town, forts, etc. should be forthwith rendered into his Majesty's obedience and protection ; promising, at the same time, life, hberty, estate, and free trade to every Dutch denizen who should readily submit to his Majesty's government. Peter Stuyvesant read over this friendly epistle with some such harmony of aspect as we may suppose a crusty farmer reads the loving letter of John Stiles, warning him of an action of eject- . ment. He was not, however, to be taken by surprise ; but, thrusting the summons into his breeches-pocket, stalked three times across the room, took a pinch of snuff with great vehe- mence, and then, loftily waving his hand, prom- ised to send an answer the next morning. He now summoned a general meeting of his privy councillors and burgomasters, not to ask theii advice, for, confident in his own strong head, he needed no man's counsel, but apparently to give them a piece of his mind on their late craven conduct. His orders being duly promulgated, it was a 494 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. piteous sight to behold the Late valiant burgo- masters, who had demolished the whole British empire in their harangues, peeping ruefully out of their hiding-places ; crawling cautiously forth ; dodging tlu-ough narrow lanes and alleys ; st^irt- ing at every little dog that barked ; mistaking lamp -posts for British grenadiers ; and, in the excess of their panic, metamorphosing pumps into formidable soldiers levelluig blunderbusses at their bosoms ! Havhig, however, in despite of numerous perils and difficulties of the kind, ar- rived safe, without the loss of a single man, at the hall of assembly, they took their seats, and awaited in fearful silence the arrival of the gov- ernor. Li a few moments the wooden leg of the intrepid Peter was heard in regular and stout- hearted thumps upon the staircase. He entered the chamber, arrayed in full suit of regimentals, and carrying his trusty toledo, not girded on his thigh, but tucked under his arm. As the gov- ernor never equipped himself in this portentous manner unless something of martial nature were working within his pericranium, his council re- garded him ruefully, as if they saw fire and sword in his iron countenance, and forgot to light their pipes in breathless suspense. His first words were, to rate his council soundly for having wasted in idle debate and party feud the time which should have been devoted to putting the city in a state of defence. He was particularly indignant at those brawlers who had disgraced the councils of the province by empty bickeruigs and scurrilous invectives HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 495 against an absent enemy. He now called upon them to make good their words by deeds, as the enemy they had defied and derided was ?it the gate. Finally, he informed them of the summons he had received to surrender, but concluded by swearing to defend the province as long as Heaven was on his side and he had a wooden leg to stand upon ; which warlike seutence he emphasized by a thwack with the fiat of his sword upon the table, that quite electrified his auditors. The privy councillors, who had long since been brought into as perfect discipline as were ever the soldiers of the great Frederick, knew there was no use in saying a word, — so lighted their pipes, and smoked away in silence, like fat and discreet councillors. But the buro-omasters, beinsr infiated with considerable importance and self-sufficiency, acquired at popular meetings, were not so easily satisfied. Mustering up fresh spirit, Avhen they found there was some chance of escaping from their present jeopardy without the disagreeable alternative of fighting, they requested a copy of the summons to surrender, that they might show it to a general meeting of the people. So insolent and mutinous a request would have been enough to have roused the gorge of the tranquil Van Twiller himself, — what then must have been its effect upon the great Stuyve- sant, who was not only a Dutchman, a governor, and a valiant wooden-legged soldier to boot, but withal a man of the most stoinachful and gun- powder disposition ? He bui'st forth into a blaze *96 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. of indignation, — swore not a motlier's son of them should see a syUable of it, — that as to their 'advice or concurrence, he did not care a whiff of tobacco for either, — that tliey might go home, and go to bed hke okl women ; for he was determined to defend the colony himself, without the assistance of them or then- adherents ! So saying lie tucked his sword under his arm, cocked his hat upon his head, and girding up his loins, stumped indignantly out of the council-chamber, everybody making room for him as he passed. No sooner was he gone than the busy burgo- masters called a public meeting in front of the Stadthouse, where they appointed as chairmjui one Dofue lloerback, formerly a meddlesome member of the cabinet during? the rei^n of Wil- liam the Testy, but kicked out of office by Peter Stuyvesant on taking the reins of govermnent. He was, withal, a mighty gingerbread baker in the land, and reverenced by the populace as a man of dark knowledge, seeing that he was the first to imprint New- Year cakes with the myste- rious hieroglyphics of the Cock and Breeches, and such like ma2;ical devices. This bui'gomaster, who still chewed the cud of ill-will against Peter Stuyvesant, addressed the multitude in what is called a patriotic speech, inibrming them of the courteous summons which tlie governor had received, to surrender, of his refusal to comply therewith, and of his denying the public even a sight of the su?nmons, which doubtless contained conditions highly to the honor and advantage of the province. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 497 He tlien proceeded to speak of his Excellency in liigh-sounding terms of vituperation, suited to the dignity of his station ; comparing him to Nero, Caliguhi, and other flagrant great men of yore ; assuring the people that the liistory of the >vorld did not contain a despotic outrage equal to tlie present. That it would be recorded in letters of fire, on the blood - stamed tablet of history ! Tliat ao;cs would roll back with sudden horror when they came to view it ! That the womb of time (by the way, your orators and writers take strange liberties with the womb of time, though some would fain have us believe that time is an old gentleman) — that the womb of time, preg- nant as it was with direful horrors, would never produce a parallel enormity ! — with a variety of other heart - rending, soul - stirring tropes and figures, which I cannot enumerate ; neither, in- deed, need I, for they were of the kind v/hich even to the present day form the style of popular harangues and patriotic orations, and may be classed in rhetoric under the general title of Rigmarole. The result of this speech of the inspired bur- gomaster was a memorial addressed to the gov- ernor, remonstrating in good round terms on his conduct. It was proposed that Dofue Roerback himself should be the bearer of this memorial ; hut this he warily declined, having no inclination of coming again within kicking distance of his Excellency. Wlio did deliver it has never been named in history, in which neglect he has suffered grievous w^rong ; seeing that he was equally 32 498 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. worthy of blazon with him perpetuated in Scot- tish song and story by the surname of Bell-the- cat. All we know of the fate of this memorial is, that it was used by the gi-im Peter to light his pipe ; which, from the vehemence with which he smoked it, was evidently anything but a pipe of peace. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 499 CHAPTER X. BONTAmiNO A DOLEFUL DISASTER OP ANTONY THE TRUMPETER- AKP HOW PETER STUYVESANT, LIKE A SECOND CROMWELL, SUDDENLY DIS- SOLVED A RUMP PARLIAMENT. iOW did the high - minded Pieter de Groodt shower down a pannier-load of maledictions npon his burgomasters for a set of self-willed, obstinate, factious varlets, who would neither be convinced nor persuaded. Nor did he omit to bestow some left-handed compli- ments upon the sovereign people, as a herd of poltroons, who had no relislh for the glorious hard- ships and illustrious misadventures of battle, but would rather stay at home, and eat and sleep in ignoble ease, than fight in a ditch for irmnortal- ily and a broken head. Resolutely bent, however, upon defending his beloved city, in despite even of itself, he called unto him his trusty Van Corlear, who was his right-hand man in all times of emergency. Him did he adjure to take his war-denouncing trumpet, and mounting his horse, to beat up the country night and day, — sounding the alarm along the pastoral borders of the Bronx, — starthng the wild solitudes of Croton, — arousino; the ruo:o:ed yeomanry of Weehawk and Hoboken, — the 60C HISTORY OF NEW YORK. mighty men of battle of Tappan Bay, — and tho bi\'ive boys of Tarry-Town, Petticoat-Lane, and Sleepy-Hollow, — charging them one and all to sling theii* powder-horns, shoulder their fowling- pieces, and march merrily down to the Manhat- toes. Now there was nothing in all the world, the divine sex excepted, that Antony Van Corlear loved better than errands of this kind. So just stopping to take a lusty dinner, and bracing to his side his junk-bottle, well charged with heart- inspiring Hollands, he issued jollily from the city gate, which looked out upon what is at present called Broadway, sounding a farewell strain, that rung in sprightly echoes through the wmding streets of New Amsterdam. Alas ! never more were they to be gladdened by the melody of their favorite trumpeter ! It was a dark and stormy night when the good Antony arrived at the creek (sagely denominated Haerlem river) Avhich separates the island of Manna-hata from the mainland. The wind was high, the elements were in an uproar, and no Charon could be found to ferry the adventurcms Bounder of brass across the water. For a short time he vapored like an impatient ghost upon tlie brink, and then bethinking himself of the urgency of his errand, took a hearty embrace of his stone bottle, swore most valorously that he would swim across in spite of the devil ! (Spyt den Duyvel !) and daringly plunged into the stream. Luckless A.ntony ! Scarce had he buffeted half-way over whei\ he was observed to struggle violently, as if HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 501 battling with the spirit of the waters, — instinc- tively he pat liis trumpet to his mouth, and giv- ins: a vehement blast — sanl: forever to the hot- torn ! The clangor of his trumpet, hke that of the i'S'ory horn of the renowned Paladin Orlando, when expirmg in the glorious field of Ronces- vjilles, rang far and Avide through the country, alarminoi: the neio^hbors round, who hurried in amazement to the spot. Here an old Dutch burgher, famed for his veracity, and who had been a witness of the fact, related to them the melancholy affah- ; witli the fearful addition (to which I am slow in giving belief) that he saw the duyvel, in the shape of a huge moss-bonker, seize the stmxly Antony by the leg, and drag him be- neath the waves. Certain it is, the place, with the adjoining promontory, which projects into the Hudson, has been called Spyt den Duyvel ever since ; the ghost of the unfortunate Antony still haunts the surrounding solitudes, and his trum- pet has often been heard by the neiglibors, of a stormy night, mingling with tlie howling of the blast. Nobody ever attempts to swim across the creek after dark ; on the contrary, a bridge has been built to guard against such melancholy acci- dents in future ; and as to the moss-bonkers, they are held in such abhorrence, that no true Dutch- man will admit them to his table, who loves good fish and hates the devil. Such was the end of Antony Van Corlear, — a man deserving of a better fate. He Hved roundly and soundly, like a time and jolly bach* 502 niSTORY OF NEW YORK. elor, until the day of liis death ; but tliougli he was never married, yet did he leave behind some two or three dozen children, in different parts of the country, — fine, chubby, brawling, flatulent little urchins ; from whom, if legends speak true, (tuid they are not apt to lie,) did descend the in- niunerable race of editors, who people and defend this country, and who are bountifully paid by the people for keeping up a constant alarm — and making them miserable. It is hinted, too, that in his various expeditions into the East he did much towards promoting the population of the country ; in proof of which is adduced the noto- rious propensity of the people of those parts to sound their own trumpet. As some way-worn pilgrim, when the tempest whistles through his locks, and night is gathering round, beholds his faithful dog, the companion and solace of his journeying, stretched lifeless at his feet, so did the generous -hearted hero of the Manhattoes contemplate the untimely end of An- tony Van Corlear. He had been the faithful attendant of his footsteps ; he had charmed him in many a weary hour by his honest gayety and tlie martial melody of his trumpet, and had fol- lowed him with luifiinching loyalty and affection through many a scene of direful peril and uu"s- hap. He was gone forever ! and that, too, at ? moment wiien every mongi-el cur was skidking from his side. This — Peter Stuyvesant — was the moment to tiy tliy fortitude ; and this Wiis the moment when thou didst indeed shine forth Peter the Headstrong ! HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 503 The glare of day had long dispelled the hor- rors of the stormy night ; still all was dull and gloomy. The late jovial Apollo hid his face behind lugubrious clouds, peeping out now and then for an mstant, as if anxious, yet fearful, to sec what was going on in his favorite city. This was the eventful morning when the great Peter was to give his reply to the summons of the invaders. Already was he closeted with his privy council, sitting in grim state, brooding over the fate of his favorite trumpeter, and anon boilino; with indio-nation as the insolence of his recreant burgomasters flashed upon his mind. — While in this state of irritation, a courier arrived hi all haste from Winthrop, tlie subtle governor of Connecticut, counselling him, in the most af- fectionate and disinterested manner, to surrender the province, and magnifying the dangers and ca- lamities to which a refusal would subject him. — What a moment was this to intrude officious ad- vice upon a man who never took advice in his whole life ! — The fiery old govei'nor strode up and down the chamber with a vehemence that made the bosoms of his councillors to quake with awe, — railuig at his milucky fate, that thus made him the constant butt of factious subjects, and iesuitical advisers. Just at this ill-chosen juncture, the officious burgomasters, who had heard of the arrival of mysterious despatches, came marcliing in a body into tlie room, witli a legion of schepens and toad- eaters at their heels, and abruptly demanded a perusal of the letter. Tiiis was too much for the 504 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. spleen of l*eter Stuyvesant. He tore tlie letter in a thousand pieces, — threw it in the face of the nearest burgomaster, — broke his pipe over the head of the next, — hurled his spittuig-box at an unlucky schepen, Avho was just retreating out at the door, and finally prorogued the wliole meeting sine die, by kicking them down-stau'S with his wooden leg. As soon as the burgomasters could i-ecover from then' confusion and liad time to breathe, tliey called a public meeting, where they related at full length, and \\\i\\ appropriate coloring and exaggeration, the despotic and vmdictive deport- ment of the governor ; declaring that, for their own parts, they did not value a straw the being kicked, cuffed, and mauled by the timber toe of his Excellency, but that they felt for tlie dignity of tlie sovereign people, thus rudely insulted by the outraire committed on the seat of honor of their representatives. The latter part of the ha- rangue came home at once to that delicacy of feeling and jealous pride of character vested in all true mobs, — who, though they nisiy bear in- juries without a murmur, yet are marvellously jealous of their sovereign dignity ; and there is no knowing to what act of resentment they might have been provoked, had they not been somewhat more afraid of their sturdy old gov- ernor than they were of St. Nicholas, the English — or the d — ^1 himself. HISTORY OF NEW YJRK. 505 CHAPTEll XI. »0W PETER STCTTVESANT DEFENDED THE CITY OP NEW AMSTERDAM P0« SEVERAL DAYS, BY DINT OP TUE STRENGTH OF HIS HEAD. ^^ HERE is something exceedingly sublime fw and melancholy in the spectacle wliich ^^}^^^^ the present crisis of our history presents. Axv illustrious and venerable little city, — the me- tropolis of a vast extent of uninhabited country, — garrisoned by a douglity host of orators, chau-men, committee-men, burgomasters, schepens, and old women, — governed by a determuied and strong- headed warrior, and fortified by mud batteries, palisadoes, and resolutions, — blockaded by sea, beleaguered by land, and threatened with direful desolation from without, while its very vitals are torn with internal faction and commotion ! Never did historic pen record a page of more compli- cated distress, uidess it be the strife that dis- tracted the Israelites, durino; the sieGje of Jcru- salem, — where discordant parties were cutting each other's throats, at the moment when the victorious legions of Titus had toppled down their bulwarks, and were carrying fire and sword into the very sanctum sanctorum of tlie temple. Governor Stuyvcsant having triumphantly jjiit nis grand counf;il to tlie rout, and delivered him- 506 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. Belf from a miJtitude of impertinent advisers, dispatched a categorical reply to the commanders of the invading squadron ; wherein he asserted the right and title of their High Mightmesses the Lords States General to the province of New Netherlands, and trusting in the righteousness of his cause, set the whole British nation at defiance ! My anxiety to extricate my readers and my- self from these disastrous scenes prevents me from giving the whole of this gallant letter, which concluded in these manly and affectionate terms : — " As touching the threats in your conclusion, we have nothing to answer, only that we fear nothuig but what God (who is as just as merci- ful) shall lay upon us ; all things being in his gracious disposal, and we may as well be pre- served by him ^vith small forces as by a great army ; which makes us to wish you all happiness and prosperity, and recommend you to his protec- tion. My lords, your thrice humble and affec- tionate servant and friend, P. Stuyvesant." Thus having thrown his gauntlet, the brave Peter stuck ji pair of horse-pistols in his belt gii'ded jui immense powder-horn on his side, — thrust his sound leur into a Hessian boot, and clapping his fierce little war-hat on the top of his head, — paraded up and down in front of his house, determined to defend his beloved city to the last. While all these struggles and dissensions were HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 507 prevailing iii the unhappy city of New Amster- dam, and while i^ worthy but ill-starred governor was framing the above-quoted letter, the English commanders did not remain idle. They had agents secretly employed to foment the fears and clamors of the populace ; and moreover circu- lated far and wide, through the adjacent country, a proclamation, repeating the terms they had already held out in their summons to surrender, at the same time beguiling the simple Nederland- ers with the most crafty and conciliating profes- sions. They promised that every man who vol- untarily submitted to the authority of his British Majesty should retain peaceful possession of his house, his vrouw, and his cabbage-garden. That he should be suffered to smoke his pipe, speak Dutch, wear as many breeches as he pleased, and import bricks, tiles, and stone jugs from Holland, instead of manufacturing them ou the spot. That he should on no account be compelled to learn the English language, nor eat codfish on Satur- days, nor keep accounts in any other way than by casting them up on his fingers, and chalking them down upon the crown of his hat ; tis is observed among the Dutch yeomaniy at the pres- ent day. That every man should be allowed quietly to inherit his father's hat, coat, sIkm;- buckles, pipe, and every other personal appen- dage ; and that no man should be obliged to con- form to any improvements, inventions, or any jther modern innovations ; but, on the contrary, should be permitted to build his house, follow his trade, manage his farm, rear his hogs, and edu- 608 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. cate his children, precisely as his ancestors had done before him from time immemorial. Finally, that he slioiild have all the benefits of free trade, and should not be required to acknowledge any other saint in the Ciilendar than St. Nicholas, who should thenceforward, as before, be considered tho tutelar saint of the city. These terms, as may be supposed, appeared very satisfactory to the people, who had a great disposition to enjoy their property unmolested, and a most singular aversion to engage in a con- test, where they could gain little moi'e than honor and broken heads, — the fii'st of which tliey held in philosophic indifference, the latter in utter de- testation. By these insidious means, therefore, did the En<2:lish succeed in alienatinjic the confi- dence and affections of the })opulace from their gallant old governor, whom they considered as obstinately bent upon riuming tliem into hideous misadv^entures ; and did not hesitate to speak tlieir minds freely, and abuse him most heaitily — behind his back. Like as a mighty grampus when assailed and buffeted by roaring waves and brawling suiges, still keeps on an undeviating course, rising above .the boisterous billows, spouting and blowing as he emerges, — so did the inflexible Peter pursue, unwavering, his determined career, and rise, con- temptuous, above the chunors of the rabble. But when tlie British warriors found that ho set their power at defiance, they dispatched re- cruiting oificers to Jamaica, and .Tericlio, and iNin- eveh, and Quag, and Patchog, and all those HISTORY OF NEW YORK 509 towns on Lono- Island which had been subdued of yore by StofFel BrinkerhofF; stii-ring up the progeny of Preserved Fish, and Determined Cock, and those other New-England squatters, to assail the city of New Amsterdam by land, wliile the hostile ships prepared for an assault by water. The streets of New Amsterdam now presented a scene of wild dismay and consternation. Li vain did Peter Stuyvesant order the citizens to arm and assemble on the Battery. Blank terror reigned over the community. The whole party of Short Pipes in the course of a single night had changed uito arrant old women, — a metamor- phosis only to be paralleled by the prodigies re- corded by Livy as having happened at Rome at the approach of Hannibal, when statues sweated in pure affright, goats were converted mto sheep, and cocks, turning into hens, ran cackhng about the street. Thus baffled in all attempts to put the city in a state of defence, blockaded from Avithout, tor- mented from within, and menaced with a Yan- kee invasion, even the stiff-necked will of Peter Stuyvesant for once gave way, and in spite of his mighty heart, which swelled in his throat un til it nearly choked him, he consented to a treaty of surrender. Words cannot express the transports of the populace, on receiving this intelligence; had they obtained a conquest over their enemies, they could not have indulged greater delight. The streets resounded with their congratulations, — ■ ihey extolled their governor as the father and 510 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. deliverer of his country, — they crowded to his house to testify their gratitude, and were ten times more noisy in their plaudits than when he returned, vnih victory perched upon his beaver, from the glorious captm-e of Fort Christina. But the indignant Peter shut his doors and wmdows, and took refuge in the mnermost recesses of his mansion, that he might not hear the iirnoble re- joicings of the rabble. Commissioners were now appointed on both sides, and a capitulation was speedily arranged ; all that was wanting to ratify it was that it should be signed by the governor. When the commissioners waited upon him for this purpose, they were received with grim and bitter courtesy. His warlike accoutrements were laid aside, — an old Lidian night-gown was wrapped about his rugged limbs, a red night-cap overshadowed his frowning brow, an iron-gray beard of three days' growth gave additional grimness to liis visage. Thrice did he s6ize a worn-out stump of a pen, and essay to sign the loathsome paper, — thrice did he clinch his teeth, and make a horrible countenance, as though a dose of rhubarb, senna, and ipecacuanha had been offered to his lips ; at length, dashing it from him, he seized his brass- hilted sword, and jerking it from the scabbard, swore by St. Nicholas, to sooner die than yield to any power under heaven. For two whole days did he persist in this mag- nanimous resolution, during which his house was besieged by the rabble, and menaces and clamor- Dus revilings exhausted to no purpose. And now HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 511 another course was adopted to soothe, if possible, his mighty ire. A procession was formed by the burgomasters and schepens, followed by the pop- ulace, to bear the capitulation in state to the gov- ernor's dwelling. They found the castle strongly barricadoed, and the old hero in full regimentals, with his cocked hat on his head, posted with a blunderbuss at the garret-window. There was something in this formidable posi- tion that struck even the ignoble vul^-ar with awe and admiration. The brawhng multitude could not but reflect with self-abasement upon their own pusillanimous conduct, when they beheld their hardy but deserted old governor, thus faith- ful to his post, like a forlorn hope, and fully pre- pared to defend his ungrateful city to the last. These compunctions, however, were soon over whelmed by the recurring tide of public appre- hension. The populace arranged themselves be- fore the house, taking off their hats with most respectful humility; Burgomaster Roerback, who was of that popular class of orators described by Sallust as being " talkative rather than eloquent," stepped forth and addressed the governor in a speech of three hours' length, detailing, in the most pathetic terms, the calamitous situation of the province, and urgmg him in a constant repe tition of the same aro^uments and words to sisra the capitulation. The mighty Peter eyed him from his garret window in grim silence, — now and then his eye would glance over the surrounding rabble, and an indignant grin, like that of an angry mastifl^ 512 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. would mark his iron visage. But thougli a man of most undaunted mettle, — tliough lie had a heart as big as an ox, and a head tliat would have set adamant to scorn, — yet after all he was a mere mortal. Wearied out by these repeated oppositions, and this eternal haranguing, and per- ceiving that unless he complied, the iuliabilantd would follow their own inclination, or rather their fears, without waiting for his consent, or, what was still worse, the Yankees would have time to pour in their forces and claim a share in the conquest, he testily ordered them to hand up the paper. It was accordingly hoisted to him on the end of a pole ; and having scrawled his name at the bottom of it, he anathematized them all for a set of cowardly, mutinous, degenerate poltroons, threw the capitulation at their heads, slammed down the window, and was heard stumping down-stairs with vehement indignation. The rabble incontinently took to their heels ; even the buro-omasters were not slow in evacuating; the premises, fearing lest the sturdy Peter might issue from his den, and greet them with some unwel come testimonial of his displeasure. Within three hours after the surrender, a le- gion of British beef-fed warriors poured into New Amsterdam, taking possession of the fort and batteries. And now might be heard, from aU quarters, the sound of hammers made by the old Dutch burghers, in nailing up their doors and windows, to protect their vrouws from these fierce barbarians, whom they contemplated in silent sul- lenness from the garret-windows as they paraded through the streets. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 513 Thus did Colonel Richard Nichols, the com- mander of the British forces, enter into quiet possession of the conquered realm as locum tenens for the Duke of York. The victory was attended with no other outrage than that of changing the name of the province and its metropolis, which thenceforth were denominated New York, and so have contumed to be called unto the present day. The uihabitants, according to treaty, were allowed to maintain quiet possession of their property ; but so inveterately did they retain their abhorrence of the British nation, that in a private meeting of the leading citizens it was unanimously determined never to ask any of their conquerors to dinner. Note. — Modern historians assert that when the New Neth- erlands were thus overrun by the British, as Spain in ancient days by the Saracens, a resolute band refused to bend tJie neck to the invader. Led by one Garret Van Home, a valorous and gigantic Dutchman, they crossed the bay and buried themselves among the marshes and cabbage-gardens of Com- munipaw ; as did Pelayo and his followers among the moun- tains of Asturias. Here their descendants have remained ever since, keeping themselves apart, like seed-corn, to re-people the city with the genuine breed whenever it shall be eflec- tuallv recovered from its intruders. \t is said the genuine descendants of the Nederlanders who inhabit New York, still look with longing eyes to the green marshes of ancient Pavo- flia, as did the conquered Spaniards of yore to the stern moun- tains of Asturias, considering these the regions whence deliv e ranee is to come. 3a 514 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. CHAPTER Xn. lOHTAINma THE DIGNIFIED RETIREMENT, AND MORTAL SURBENDBB 01 PETER THE HEADSTRONG. 'HITS, then, have I concluded this great historical enterprise ; but before I lay aside my weary pen, there yf t remains to be performed one pious duty. If among the variety of readers Avho may peruse this book, there should haply be found any of those souls of true nobility, which glow with celestial fire as the history of the generous and the brave, they will doubtless be anxious to know the fate of the gallant Peter Stuyvesant. To gratify one such sterling heart of gold I would go more lengths than to instruct the cold-blooded curiosity of a whole fraternity of philosophers. No sooner had that high -mettled cavalier signed the articles of capitulation, than, deter- mined not to witness the humiliation of his favor- ite city, he turned his back on its walls and made a growling retreat to his houwerij, or country-seat, which was situated about two miles off; where he passed the remauider of his days in patriarchal retirement. There he enjoync' that tranquillity of mind which he had never Iviiown amid the distracting cares of government ; and tasted the HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 515 sweets of absolute and uncontrolled authority, which his ftictious subjects had so often diished with the bitterness of opposition. No persuasions could ever induce him to revisit tlie citjz^; on the contrary, he would always have his great arm-chair placed with its back to the windows which looked in that direction, until a lliick grove of trees planted by his own hand grew up and formed a screen that effectually excluded it from the prospect. He railed contin- ually at the degenerate imiovations and improve- ments introduced by the conquerors ; forbade a word of theu* detested language to be spoken in liis family, — a prohibition readily obeyed, since none of the household could speak anythmg but Dutch, — and even ordered a fine avenue to be cut down in front of liis house because it con- sisted of English cherry-trees. The same incessant vigilance, which blazed forth when he had a vast province under his care, now showed itself with equal vigor, though in narrower limits. He patrolled with miceasing watchfulness the boundaries of liis little territory ; repelled every encroachment with intrepid prompt- ness ; punished every vagrant depredation upon liis orchard or his farm-yard with inflexible se- verity ; and conducted every stray hog or cow in triumph to the pound. But to the indigent neighbor, the friendless stranger, or the weary wanderer, his spacious doors were ever open, and his capacious fireplace, that emblem of his own warm and generous heart, had always a cor- aer to receive and cherish them. There was jjo 516 BISTORT OF NEW YORK. exception to this, I must confess, in case the ill- starred applicant were an Englishman or a Yan- kee ; to wliom, though he might extend the hand of a.ssi3tance, he could never be brought to yield the rites of hospitality. Nay, if peradventurc some straggling merchant of the East should stop at his door, with his cart-load of tin ware or wooden bowls, the fiery Peter would issue forth like a giant from his castle, and make such a furious clattering among his pots and kettles, that the vender of " notions " was fain to betake him- self to mstant flight. His suit of regimentals, worn thi'eadbare by the brush, were cai*efully hung up hi the state bed-chamber, and regularly aired the first fair day of every month ; and his cocked hat and trusty sword were suspended in grim repose over the parlor mantelpiece, formmg supporters to a full - length portrait of the renowned Admiral Van Tromp. In his domestic empire he main- tained strict discipline and a well-organized des- potic government ; but though his own will was the supreme law, yet the good of his subjects was his constant object. He watched over, not merely theii immediate comforts, but their morals, and their ultimate welfare ; for he gave them abundance of excellent admonition, nor could any of them complain, that, when occasion required, he was by any means niggardly in bestowing wholesome correction. Tlie good old Dutch festivals, those periodical demonstrations of an overflowing heart and a thankful spirit, which ai*e falling into sad disusf HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 517 among my fellow-citizens, were faithfully observed in the mansion of Governor Stuyvesant. New- Year was truly a day of open-handed liberality, of jocmid revelry, and warm-hearted congratu- lation, when tlie bosom swelled with genial good- fellowship, and the plenteous table was attended with an unceremonious freedom, and honest broad- mouthed merriment, unknown in these days of degeneracy and refinement. Paas and Pinxter were scrupulously observed throughout his do minions ; nor was the day of St, Nicholas suffered to pass by, without making presents, hanging the stocking in the chimney, and complying with aU its other ceremonies. Once a year, on the first day of April, he used to array himself in full regimentals, being the anniversary of his triumphal entry into New Amsterdam, after the conquest of New Sweden. This was always a kind of satm^nalia among the domestics, when they considered tiiemselves at liberty, in some measure, to say and do what they pleased ; for on this day their master was alway? observed to unbend, and become exceeding pleas- ant and jocose, sending the old gray-headed ne- groes on April-fool's errands for pigeon's milk ; not one of whom but allo\ved himself to be taken in, and humored his old master's jokes, as became a faithful and well-disciplined depend- uit. Thus did he reign, happily and peacefully 9n his own land — injuring no man — envying no man — molested by no outward strifes — per- plexed by no hiternal cfimmotions ; — and the mighty monarchs of tlie eartli, wlio were vainly 518 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. seeking to maintain peace, dnd promote the wel- fare of mankind, by war and desolation, would have done well to have made a voyage to the little island of Manna-hata, and learned a lesson in gov^ernment from the domestic economy of Peter Stuyvesant. In process of time, however, the old governor like all other children of mortality, began to exhibit evident tokens of decay. Like an aged oak, which, though it long has braved the fury of the elements, and still retains its gigantic pro- portions, begins to shake and groan with every blast — so was it with the gallant Peter ; for though he still bore the port and semblance of what he was in the days of his hardlliood and chivalry, yet did age and infirmity begin to sap the vigor of his frame, — but his heart, that un- conquerable citadel, still triumphed unsubdued. With matchless avidity would he listen to every article of intellisrence concerning; the battles be- tween the English and Dutch, — still would his pulse beat high whenever he heard of the vic- tories of De Ruyter, and his countenance lower, and his eyebrows knit, when fortune turned in favor of the Enfxlish. At leno^th, as on a certain day he had just smoked his fifth pipe, and was napping after dinner, in his arm-chair, conquer- ing the wliole Britisli nation in his dreams, he was suddenly aroused by a ringing of bells, rat- tling of drums, and roaring of cannon, that put all his blood in a ferment. But when lie learnt that these I'cjoiciiigs wen; in honor of a great vicU)ry obtained by the combined English and HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 519 French fleets over the brave De Ruyter, and the younger Van Tromp, it went so much to his heart, that he took to his bed, and in less than three days was brought to death's door, by a violent cholera morbus ! Even in this extremity he still displayed the unconquerable spirit of Peter the Headstrong ; holding out to the last gasp, with inflexible obstinacy, against a whole army of old women Avho were bent upon driving the enemy out of his bowels, in the true Dutch mode of defence, by inundation. While he thus lay, lingering on the verge of dissolution, news was brought him that the brave De Ruyter had made good his retreat, with little loss, and meant once more to meet the enemy in battle. The closing eye of the old warrior kindled with martial fire at the words, — he partly raised himself in bed, — clinched his with- ered hand, as if he felt within his gripe that sword which waved in triumph before the walls of Fort Christina, and giving a grim smile of exultation, sank back upon his pillow, and ex- pired. Tims died Peter Stuyvesant, — a valiant sol- dier — a loyal subject — an upright governor, and an honest Dutchman, — who wanted only a few empires to desolate, to have been immortal- ized as a hero ! His funeral obsequies were celebrated with the utmost grandeur and solemnity. The town was perfectly emptied of its inhabitants, who crowded •n throngs to pay the last sad honors to their good old goverroi". All his sterling qualities rushed 52C HISTORY OF i\E\V YORK. in full tide upon their recollection, while the memory of his foibles and his faults had expired with him. The ancient burghei'S contended who should have the privilege of bearing the pall ; the populace strove who should walk nearest to the bier; and the melancholy procession was cloaed by a number of gray-headed negroes, who had wintered and summered in the household of their departed master for the greater part of a century. With sad and gloomy countenances, the multi- tude gathered round the grave. They dwelt with mournful hearts on the sturdy virtues, the signal services, and the gallant exploits of the brave old worthy. They recalled, with secret upbraidings, their own factious oppositions to his government; and many an ancient l)urgher, whose phlegmatic features had never been known to re- lax, nor his eyes to moisten, was now observed to puff a pensive pipe, and the big drop to steal down his cheek, while he muttered, with affec- tionate accent, and melancholy shake of the head — " Well, den ! — Hardkoppig Peter ben gone at last ! " His remains were deposited in the family vault, under a chapel which he had piously erected on his estate, and dedicated to St. Nicholas, — and which stood on the identical spot at present occu- pied by St. Mark's churcli, where his tombstone is still to be seen. His estate, or houwery, as it was called, has ever continued in the possession of his descendants, who, by the uniform integi'ity of their conduct, and their strict adherence to the ni STORY OF NEW YORK. 521 customs and manners that prevailed in the '' good old times" have proved themselves worthy of their illustrious ancestor. Many a time and oft has the farm been haunted at night by enterpris- ing money-diggers, in quest of pots of gold, said to have been buried by the old governor, though I cannot learn that any of them have ever been enriched by their researches ; and who is there, among my native-born fellow-citizens, tliat does not remember when, in the mischievous days of his boyhood, he conceived it a great exploit to rob " Stuyvesant's orchard " on a holiday after- noon ? At this stronghold of the family may still be seen certain memorials of the immortal Peter. His full-length portrait frowns in martial terrors from the parlor-wall ; his cocked hat an|^ sword still hang up in the best liedroom ; liis brim- stone-colored breeches were for a lono; while sus- pended in the hall, until some years since they occasioned a dispute between a new -married couple ; and his silver-mounted wooden leg is still treasured up in the store-room, {is aii ijivaU uable relique. itiS0 HISTORY OF NEW YORK CHAPTER Xni. tDB AUTHOE's reflections UPON WHAT HAS BEEN SAID. ^^^^MONG the numerous events, which arc ^^^^ each in their turn the most direful and $«^j)© melancholy of all possible occurrences, m your interesting and authentic history, there is none that occasions such deep and heart-rending grief as the decline and fall of your renowiied and mighty empires. Where is the reader wlio can coi^emplate without emotion the disastrous events by which the great dynasties of the Avorld have l)een extinguished ? While wandermg, in imagination, among the gigantic ruins of states and empires, and marking the tremendous convul- sions that wrought their overthi"ow, the bosom of the melancholy inquirer SAvells with sympa- thy commensurate to the surrounding desolation. Kingdoms, principalities, and powers, have each had their rise, their progress, and their downfall, — each in its turn has swayed a })otent sceptre, — each has returned to its primeval nothingness. And thus did it fare with the eifipirc of their High INIiglitinesses, at the INIanliattoes, under the peaceful reign of Walter the Doubter, the fret- ful reign of William the Testy, and the chivah'Io reijifn ol" Peter the Headstrong. HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 523 Its history is fruitful of instruction, and wor- tliy of being pondered over attentively, for it is by thus raking among the ashes of departed great- ness, that the sparks of true knowledge are to be found, and the lamp of wisdom illuminated. Let then the reign of Walter the Doubter warn agauist yielding to that sleek, contented security, and tiuit overweeiiins^ fondness for comfort and repose, which are produced by a state of prosper- ity and peace. Tiiese tend to unnerve a nation ; to destroy its pride of character ; to render it patient of insult ; deaf to the calls of honor and of justice ; and cause it to cling to peace, like the sluggard to his pillow, at the expense of every valuable duty and consideration. Such supine- ness insures the very evil from which it shrinks. One right yielded up produces the usurpation of a second ; one encroachment passively suffered makes way for another ; and the nation which thus, through a doting love of peace, has sacri- ficed honor and interest, -will at length have to lidit for existence. Let the disastrous reign of William the Testy serve as a salutarv warnino; aijainst that fitful, feverish mode of legislation, whicli acts witliouf system ; depends on si lifts and projects, and trusts to lucky contingencies. AVhich liesitates, and ^^•avers, and at length decides with the rashnessK of ignorance and imbecility. Wliich stoops for pojndarity by courting the prejudices and flatter- ing the arrogance, rather than commanding the respect of the rabble. Which seeks safety in a multitude of counsellors, and distracts itself by a 524 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. variety of contradictory schemes and opinions. Wliich mistakes procrastination for wariness — hurry for decision — parsimony for economy — bustle for business — and vaporing for valor. Whi(»li is violent in council, sanguine in expec- tation, precipitate in action, and feeble in execu- tion. AVhich undertakes enterprises without fore- thought, enters upon them without preparation, conducts them witliout energy, and ends them in confusion and defeat. Let the reign of the good Stuyvesant show the effe(;ts of vigor and decision even when des- titute of cool judgment, and surrounded by per- plexities. Let it show how frankness, probity, and high-souled courage will command respect, and secure honor, even where success is unattain- able. But at the same time, let * it caution against a too ready I'eliance on the good faith of others, and a too honest confidence in the loving professions of powerful neigliljors, who are most friendly when they most m(\an to betray. Let it teach a judicious attention to the opin- ions and wishes of the many, who, in times of peril, nuist be soothed and led, or a])])reliension will overpower the deference to autliority. Let the empty wordiness of his factious sul)- jects ; their intemperate harangues ; tlieir vio- lent " resolutions " ; their hectorings against an absent enemy, and their pusiUanimity on his ap- proach, teach us to distrust and des})ise those clamorous patriots whose courage dwells but in the tongue. Let them seive as a lesson to re- press that insolence of speech, destitute of real HISTORY OF NEW YORK. 525 force, which too often breaks forth in popular bodies, and bespeaks the vanity rather than the spirit of a nation. Let them caution us against vaunting too much of our own power and prow- ess, and revihng a noble enemy. True gallantry of soul Avould always lead us to treat a foe with courtesy and proud punctilio ; a contrary conduct .but takes from the merit of victory, and renders defeat doubly disgraceful. But I cease to dwell on the stores of excel- lent examples to be drawn from the ancient clu'onicles of the Manhattoes. He who reads attentively will discover the threads of gold which run throughout the web of history, and are in- visible to the dull eye of ignorance. But, before I conclude, let me point out a solemn warning, furnished in the subtle chain of events by which the capture of Fort Casimir has produced the present convulsions of our globe. Attend tlien, gentle reader, to this plain deduc- tion, which, if thou art a king, an emperor, or other powerful potentate, I advise thee to treas- ure up m thy heart, — though little expectation have I that my work shall fall into such hands, for well I know the care of crafty ministers, to keep all grave and edifying books of the kmd dut of the way of unhappy monarchs — lest pcr- ddventure they should read them and learn wisdom. By the treacherous surprisal of Fort Casimir, then, did the crafty Swedes enjoy a transient tiiumph ; but drew upon their heads the ven- geance of Peter Stuyv?5ant, who wrested all 526 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. New Sweden from their hands. By the con- quest of New Sweden, Peter Stuyvesant aroused the claims of Lord Baltimore, who appealed to the Cabinet of Great ]5ritain ; who subdued the whole province of New Netherlands. By this gi'eat achievement the whole extent of North America, from Nova Scotia to the Floridas, was rendered one entire dependency upon the British. cro\vn. — But mark the consequence : the hith- erto scattered colonies being thus consolidated, and having no rival colonies to check or keep them in awe, waxed great and powerful, and finally becoming too strong for the mother-coun- try, were enabled to shake off its bonds, and by a glorious revolution became an independent em- pu*e. But the chain of effects stopped not here : the successful revolution in America produced the sanguinary revolution in France ; which pro- duced the puissant Bonaparte ; who produced the French despotism ; which has thrown the whole world in confusion ! Thus have these great pow- ers been successively punished for then- ill-starred conquests ; and thus, as I asserted, have all the present convulsions, revolutions, and disasters that overwhelm mankind, originated in the capture of the little Fort Casinur, as recorded in this event- ful history. And now, worthy reader, ere I take a sad farewell, — which, alas ! must be forever, — will- ingly Avould I part in cordial fellowship, and bespeak thy kind-hearted remembrance. That I have not written a better history of the days of tiie patriarchs is not my fault •• had any othei HISTORY OF NEW YORK, 527 person written one as good, I should not liavre attempted it at all. That many will hereafter spring np and surpass me in excellence, I have very little doubt, and still less care ; well know- ing that, when the great Chris to vallo Colon (who is vulgarly called Columbus) had once stood hia ^oo ^^poi^ its end, every one at table could stand his up a thousand times more dexterously. Should any reader find matter of offence in this history, I should heartily grieve, though I would on n& account question his penetration by telhng him he was mistaken — his good-nature by telling him he was captious — or his pure conscience by telling him he, was startled at a shadow. Surelj' when so ingenious in finding offence where none was intended, it were a thousand pities he should not be suffered to enjoy the benefit of his dis covery. I have too high an opinion of the understanding of my fellow-citizens, to think of yielding theixt instruction, and I covet too much their good-will, to forfeit it by giving ihem good advice. I am none of those cynics who despise the w^orld, be- cause it despises them : on the contrary, though but low in its regard, I look up to it with the most perfect good-nature, and my only sorrow is, that it does not prove itself more worthy of the unbounded love I bear it. If, however, in this my historic production — the scanty fruit of a long and laborious life — I have failed to gratify the dainty palate of the age, I can only lament my misfortune — for it is too late in the season for me even to hope to repair it. Already I 528 HISTORY OF NEW YORK. has withering age showered his sterile snows upcn my brow ; in a little while, and this genial warmth which still lingers around my heart, and throbs — worthy reader — throbs kindly towards thyself, will be chilled forever. Haply this frail compound of dust, which A\hile alive may have given birth to naught but unprofitable Aveeds, may form a humble sod of the valley, whence may spring many a sweet wild flower, to adoni my beloved island of ^lanna-hata ! THE Binx J 928 1 mmm LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 0014 114 1090 ^