circulation. All its dramatic rights are fully protected, and 
 ^proceedings will be immediately taken against anyone who 
 
 ^ stremnf-; to infriim-e thorn.") 
 
 The Suf fragent 
 
 A Social Satire 
 
 ^n (Original ^laj> in tlTfirce glcW 
 
 BY 
 
 EDWARD STAATS DE GROTE TOMPKINS 
 
 •'Thrnugh Da-rid' s Realm," An Honest Hypocrite," Etc. 
 
 LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 
 
 DOomat.Ti'^jQ 
 
 Boston. 
 
 Blanchard Fruiting Co. 
 1910 
 
Class 
 
 Book ^O gS ^S ? 
 
 Copyright }^°__^4~^ 
 
 COPyRfGHT DEPOSIT. 
 
(Notice. — This play is here privately printed and not for 
 circulation. All its dramatic rights are fully protected, and 
 proceedings will be immediately taken against anyone who 
 attempts to infringe them.) 
 
 ^ The Suf f ragent 
 
 A Social Satire 
 
 BY 
 
 EDWARD STAATS DE GROTE TOMPKINS 
 
 Author of 
 "Through David's Realm," An Honest Hypocrite," Etc. 
 
 Boston. 
 
 Printed by the Blanchard Printing Co. 
 1910 
 
P3 35- . 
 
 Copyright by 
 
 E. 8. DeG. TOMPKINS 
 
 1910 
 
 )CI.D 20781 
 
^ 
 
 
 INTRODUCTION. 
 
 It has seemed to the author that a problem play might be 
 written without the gloom of an Ibsen or the iconoclasm of a 
 Shaw. But preachers have almost universally concluded that 
 lessons must be taught by disagreeable methods. Since 
 preaching by such means has almost entirely failed of result 
 i-s it not fair to assume that something might be accomplished 
 through joy and pleasure rather than by depression and un- 
 happiness. In short the aim of the present effort is to show 
 by an agreeable method that the theme "Fad versus Human 
 Nature" can be illustrated, and just conclusions drawn, with- 
 out violating either the laws of propriety or the general de- 
 sire for pleasure. In fact the human being naturally craves 
 the light, and also the lighter forms and lighter methods of 
 instruction. If satire is gently used it can easily impress its 
 lessons on humanity. 
 
THE PERSONS OF THE PLAY. 
 
 John Manners, who is manly and believes in people being 
 what they are. 
 
 Harry McMayne, a nice young fellow who likes a pretty 
 girl, but does not despise money. 
 
 Ethelberta Donne, Who is manly and believes in people 
 being what they are. 
 
 The Reverend Dr. Gibbons, President of the E. S. L. 
 Capable yet not unmindful of glory. 
 
 Mrs. Stuyvesant Van Rensselaer Kruger-Jones, a social 
 light. 
 
 Miss Earnest, a lady severe in morals, mind and speech. 
 
 Annette Silverton, young, fond and foolish. 
 
 Miss Tattel, good, but interested in others. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine, a lady who is willing to do odd jobs. 
 
 ACT I. 
 Mrs. Kruger-Jones' Drawing Room. 
 
 ACT n. 
 John Manners' Office, next morning. 
 
 ACT ni. 
 Committee Room in Convention Hall, next day. 
 
THE SUFFRAGENT 
 
 ACT I. 
 
 Scene. — Mrs. Kruger-Jones' drawing room. A table laid 
 for tea. Hot water urn simmering. Enter Annette. 
 She hastily looks the table over and adjusts things. 
 Sits down at table, sighs. 
 
 Annette. Oh! dear! I'm in such a pickle. In love with 
 two men! Oh! oh! oh! {Enter Harry.) 
 
 Harry. Hello ! sweetheart ! Didn't expect to see yours 
 truly. 
 
 Annette. Hello; dear. I did, I'm always let in. 
 
 Harry. By jove this is a fine jot). Here I've been looking 
 for one for months and now I've got it. Who'd ever think 
 it? Poor but worthy young man. Young man in love with 
 one girl, and trying to marry another. Petted by a rich, 
 but elderly female and thrown on the co'ld charities of a cold 
 world. My, though, isn't it chilly? 
 
 Annette. Yes, very. You'll give me a cold if you keep 
 on. 
 
 Harry. Oh ! Annette, oh ! Bert, oh ! Mrs. Jones, Mrs. 
 Kruger-Jones. 
 
 Annette. Mrs Kruger-Jones. {Solemnly.) 
 
 Harry. But I must explain my position. I mean my job. 
 
 Annette. Your position! Yes, do. 
 
 Harry. It isn't every man with a position v.^ho has a job. 
 
 Annette. My intellect is feeble, but I can grasp that. 
 
 Harry. But I have both. You say lucky man. Perhaps, 
 but it is such a peculiar position, and such a ridiculous job. 
 My position is just this. Owing to the exceeding kindness of 
 Mrs. Jones, I mean Mrs. Kruger-Jones 
 
 Annette. Mrs. Kruger-Jones ! 
 
 Harry. I am bound to heed her slightest whim. She is 
 very fond of young men. Now why are o'ld cats so fond of 
 kittens ? 
 
 Annette. I don't know. It isn't always reciprocated. 
 
Harry. But what I can't understand is, when they are 
 fomd of them, why do they always want to marry them 
 off to some one else? 
 
 Annette. It may be spite. You never can tell. 
 
 Harry. Mrs. Jones, Mrs. Kruger-Jones 
 
 Annette. (Solemnly.) Mrs. Kruger-Jones! 
 
 Harry. Is not so old herself. Nice place, bully style. I 
 could be happy here. (Sighs.) 
 
 Annette. I, too, could be happy here. (Sighs.) 
 
 Harry. We two, you mean, could be happy here. (Both 
 sigh.) Bert is a fine girl and she has the cash. 
 
 Annette. John is a fine man and he has the cash. 
 
 Harry. Annette, I love you. 
 
 Annette. Oh ! dear, yes, I know fhat. But you have got 
 to devote yourself to the Cause, big C, and don't you forget 
 it. 
 
 Harry. I know, I am here at a woman's rights meeting 
 simply because I am poor. The women can suffer if thev 
 want to. 
 
 Annette. We do. Oh! Harry we do. But we suffer more 
 without money than with. (Both sigh.) 
 
 Harry. We'll, if we can't get married we will suffer to- 
 gether. I'm to be the only man here. Pshaw ! I forgot, I am 
 not here in the capacity of a suffragette. I am merely a 
 gentlemanly usher, just an usher. (Enter Mrs. Jones.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. All alone, Harry, with Annette? 
 
 Harry. The old cats have not arrived. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Now Harry, you must not talk like that. 
 Ethelberta is not an old cat. 
 
 Harry. Oh ! she's a trump. But how she does rag out ! 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Yes, she is a bit manly, I must say. But, 
 Harry, she is just the girl for you. I would so love to see 
 you marry her. 
 
 Harry. So would I. But marriage I suspect has not even 
 entered her mind. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Put the idea there. No one has a better 
 chance. She is fancy free. Lots of nice young girls marry 
 foolish young men. I did myself. 
 
 Harry. Yes, but he had money. I am poor, too deucedly 
 
 8 
 
poor even to think about. What can I offer a nice girl? 
 I have not even a heart. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. (Smirking.) Come Harry. Come now, no 
 more of that nonsense. (Annette giggles.) 
 
 Harry. All right. (With a sigh and a wink at Annette.) 
 I'll he a man. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Yes, Harry, you must. You know old age 
 must respect itself. (Annette waves her hand at Harry.) 
 
 Harry. Huh! (With a grimace.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Now it was very good of you to come this 
 afternoon. It will give the affair such an air of 
 
 Harry. Respectability you mean. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. No I don't, you silly boy, quite the contrary, 
 in some people's eyes. (Jestingly.) 
 
 Harry. Who's eyes ? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh ! the old cats you were speaking of. I 
 meant it would relieve the affair of being a hen party. 
 
 Harry. With one rooster. I don't see that that helps it 
 very much. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. But there won't be one rooster. Mr. Man- 
 ners is coming. 
 
 Harry. Mr. Manners is coming, Mr. Manners is coming. 
 He is coming. Let me think. Do you mean that John Man- 
 ners is coming to your hen party? (Annette clasps her 
 hands.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. 1 don't know about the hen party. You 
 rather intimated it would be a cat party. 
 
 Harry. John Manners, the calm, dignified proper 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Proper, did you say? (Surprised.) 
 
 Harry. Yes, proper. If you could know how utterly 
 sihocked I am you would know something was improper. 
 How is he going to dress? How shall I put it in the paper? 
 Shall it be in low neck and short sleeves, in black satin and 
 point lace or plain street costume. I must know so as to 
 get it right in the morning paper. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. You needn't bother about that. I have that 
 all fixed. The reporter just left. 
 
 Harry. Good heavens ! madam, and did you put me in, in 
 
any such appropriate but ridiculous garb? John Manners! 
 Ye gods and little fis^ies ! 
 
 Mrs. Jones. No, I just said my dear friend, Mr. Mc- 
 Mayne, had consented to act as usher, and with that grace 
 with which he leads the cotillion was enabled to make the 
 affair pass off as a social function. 
 
 Harry. Good God! When I am just a butler. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Don't be silly. It was nasty of Hodges to act 
 as he did. I thought English servants had no principles. 
 
 Harry. Well, you found out. (Enter Miss Earnest.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Delighted to see you, Miss Earnest. You 
 know Mr. McMayne. He has so kindly offered to help us 
 out and brighten up our little company. I leave you to him. 
 (Exit.) 
 
 Harry. My dear Miss Earnest, you see the hole I'm in. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Hole! This drawing room a hole. Why 
 it is the handsomest room in town. 
 
 Harry. I don't mean this ranch 
 
 Miss Earnest. Ranch indeed I Mr. McMayne I do not 
 understand you. 
 
 Harry. Oh ! now come, don't be hard on a fellow. I 
 mean the situation — eh — the fix I am in. 
 
 Miss Earnest. I see nothing of the sort. You don't look 
 in the least like one in a fix. You look rather happy and 
 contented. Indeed if I may speak my mind 
 
 Harry. You may. (Aside.) She always has. (To An- 
 nette.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. I think something a little more serious 
 would be becoming. 
 
 Harry. Serious. Ye gods and little fishes. If this isn't 
 something serious I'd like to know what is. 
 
 Miss Earnest. There, young man, you are right. It is 
 serious. It is one of the great moments of the age. 
 
 Harry. Yes, yes, I knew. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Now don't interrupt me. In interrupting 
 me you may be destroying the influence which all ages made 
 possible. You cannot tell if the few words I say to you now, 
 into yotir heedless ear 
 
 Harry. My ear is all right, only I am not deaf. 
 
 10 
 
Miss Earnest. W'ho said you were deaf? 
 
 Harry. But you were making remarks about my ear. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Your ear! (In contempt.) Your ear! 
 Young man can you not see that life holds something 
 earnest 
 
 Harry. Rather— just now. (To Annette.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. But you are frivolous. You are not suited 
 to the times, to the vast expansion of the human mind which 
 is opening out wide and upward tending to the development 
 of the human race, until we shall be no longer in the bond- 
 age of sin, that is, in the bondage of man 
 
 Harry. I say, I think you are getting a little rough on us. 
 We aren't so awfully bad, don't yer know! 
 
 Miss Earnest. But it is this frivolity, this unheeding 
 
 Harry. Ear, yes, I know. But there are other ears than 
 mine. Go out into the waste places of the earth and tell 
 them. Don't pitch on a poor fellow like me who has to earn 
 his living. 
 
 Miss Earnest. You a man, talk of earning your living. 
 You should earn your living. You should make yoursdf the 
 bright and shining star that should lead the cause to victory. 
 
 Harry. What cause? There are such a lot. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Why, the cause. The only cause that is 
 now before the world, the cause 
 
 Harry. Sav.. do you know I am awfully mixed. I want 
 to do my duty and somehow your words give me a tre- 
 mendous inspiration but I don't know what for. 
 
 Miss Earnest. You here, here today and you tell me you 
 don't know what you are here for? 
 
 Harry. Yes I know what I am here for. Do you know 
 what you are here for? 
 
 Miss Earnest. Here for! Why I am here to bear wit- 
 ness to the eternal truth, "which is written in our very flesh, 
 which throbs in our veins, which actuates and moves our 
 entire being, the thin? which will do more to elevate and 
 enlighten 
 
 Harry. But to come down to earth. What is it anyway? 
 
 Miss Earnest. What is it anyway! You tell me that, 
 you in this sanctuary devoted (he looks around) devoted to 
 
 11 
 
the furtherance of the greatest cause on earth. Now tell me 
 why do you ask such questions when you yourself are here? 
 
 Harry. I ? Oh ! I know very well why I am here. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Well tell me then. Tell me in clear, con- 
 cise words. Tell me from your heart. Tell me with your 
 brain most clear, and your tongue most strong. 
 
 Harry. Here? Well, I am here as a butler. 
 
 Miss Earnest. As a butler! 
 
 Harry. Yes, didn't you know. 
 
 Miss Earnest. No. I didn't. {Enter Miss Tattel.) 
 
 Harry. By Jove, I must brace, or the social function will 
 look like a cocked hat. How do you do. Miss Tattel? 
 (Shakes hands.) You know Miss Earnest? 
 
 Miss Earnest. Shoulder to shoulder Miss Tattel and I 
 have stood through long hours of anxiety and anguish, look- 
 ing throug'h the darkness to see some glimmer of the 
 dawn 
 
 Harry. If I may suggest Miss Earnest, late hours are 
 very bad for any cause. You lose your grip, you know. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh ! but, dear Mr. McMayne, you know mv 
 dear friend is only figurative. But do tell me how you 
 came to be here, I would so like tO' know. 
 
 Harry. I was just telling Miss Earnest when you arrived. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes he was going to put to me from his 
 standpoint, a standpoint which perhaps a man can best un- 
 derstand, and one w^hich would perhaps my dear Susan 
 enable us to see clearer and deeper into the vast problem we 
 have before us. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! I am so interested. 
 
 Miss Earnest. He says he is here as a butler. 
 
 Miss Tattel. As a butler? 
 
 Harry. Yes, as a butler. You see it is like this, Hodge is 
 an Englishman. 
 
 Miss Tattel. And pray who is Hodge? 
 
 Harry. Oh ! Hodge or 'Odge as he calls himself is Mrs. 
 Jones, I mean Mrs. Kruger-Jones' butler, and when he heard 
 she was to give a reception for the E. S. L. he came out 
 quite flat-footed and said " 'E 'adn't hany huse fer sich 
 damned nonsense." 
 
 12 
 
Miss Earnest. How awful ! 
 
 Miss Tattel. Awful, such language! And Mrs. Jones dis- 
 missed him at once? 
 
 Harry. No she didn't. She just sent for me. What do 
 you think of me? 
 
 Miss Earnest. And you don't believe in woman suf- 
 frage ? 
 Harry. Oh! yes I do. It pays. It gives me a job. See? 
 Miss Earnest. You wretched boy! To jest at so serious 
 an occasion. {Exit Harry.) Is it not awful to what depths 
 we sometimes sink. I was really hoping we might have suc- 
 ceeded in getting one man in the fold. It is so strange we 
 have to fight the battle all alone. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Cheer up sister. There is much in life yet. 
 It is very interesting to see and watch humanity. Now this 
 young man may be won from the error of his ways. 
 
 Miss Earnest. From the error of his frivolous ways! He 
 is too sordid to care for ought but himself. He accepts Mrs. 
 Jones' kindness and then mocks her noble efforts. 
 Miss Tattel. Do you think she is very fond of him? 
 Miss Earnest. She makes him her servant. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Yes, so I see. But do you think 
 
 Miss Earnest. Think! I don't think, I know. 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! do you? (Significantly.) 
 Miss Earnest. (Not heeding.) I know the world is all 
 too gay, ail too insincere, all too selfish. I know few there 
 are who are willing to leave its follies and work for the wel- 
 fare of humanity. I know . (Enter Harry.) 
 
 Harry. Step right this way. (Enter Mrs. Voisine.) Let 
 me present you, Miss Earnest, Miss Tattel. Yes I know you 
 know, so just tell Mrs. Voisine all about it. First, that I am 
 the new improvised butler, and give her all the instructions 
 about the higher life and so forth. Mrs. Voisine confided to 
 me that she was crazy about it as we were coming in. (Exit.) 
 Miss Earnest. The saucy boy! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes. I would so like to know all about it. 
 Do tell me. 
 
 Miss Earnest. We are very glad to see you. We wel- 
 come all who can help. 
 
 13 
 
Mrs. Voisine. And I can do so little. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But we all count, if not in genius at least 
 by force of numbers. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I hear you take such a noble stand. 
 
 Miss Earnest. We trv to do so. But in these days there 
 seems little good we can do without our rights. Once give 
 us these and then 
 
 Miss Tattel. But perhaps Mrs. Voisine knows something 
 about the people we are going to meet today. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! no. I am a stranger. I only know we 
 are to meet that great and good woman, our worthy presi- 
 dent, is it not so? 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes indeed, that noble woman whose life 
 is a beacon light 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! yes. {Rapturously.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. Who is willing to tread the pathway strewn 
 with stones 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. How lovely ! 
 
 Miss Earnest. Qimbing on, ever climbing on, on and up- 
 ward . (Enter Harry.) 
 
 Harry. (In great awe.) Hush! she's coming. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Who's coming? Climbing on 
 
 Harry. {Impressively.) Sh', sh ! 
 
 Miss Earnest. Climibing . {Enter Dr. Gibbons escorted 
 
 by Mrs. Jones in great eclat.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. I have the great honor and distinction of in- 
 troducing our beloved president. {She is presented to each in 
 turn.) Miss Earnest an eloquent and soulful leader, Miss 
 Tattel our genial and helpful friend, Mrs. Voisine a nevir, but 
 very ardent acquisition. Mr. McMayne, a friend of mine, 
 who does me the honor of acting as master of ceremonies at 
 this auspicious occasion. 
 
 Harry. Very glad to meet you Madam. The fact is the 
 butler won't buttle. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Won't buttle? 
 
 Harry. Nope. He says 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Harry! 
 
 Miss Earnest. Mr. McMayne! 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! please! 
 
 14 
 
Harry. Well he won't. That is all there is about it. He 
 
 says " 'e won't 'ave h'any thing to do with such ha " 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Harry! 
 
 Harry. You see Madam he does not approve of women 
 having rights. " 'E never buttled for sich people hand 'e won'.t 
 now." 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Dear Dr. Gibbons, I must explain. My but- 
 ler is so set against our movement that I can do nothing with 
 him. He simply refuses to serve. 
 Dr. Gibbons. How very interesting! 
 
 Mrs. Jones. How very disgusting! We are not even al- 
 lowed to ask for our rights, and our very servants think them- 
 selves our superiors. 
 Dr. Gibbons'. But surely you have dismissed him? 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh! no. I don't dare. I should never get 
 another; at least not an English one. 
 Miss Earnest. But your duty to the sacred cause of right 
 
 should surely compel you to take the high hand and 
 
 Harry. That's all right, Miss Earnest, but you see we are 
 not all so far above the little needs of ordinary life that we 
 can dispense with a good butler. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Yes, Harry, you are right. I really couldn't 
 get on without Hodge. I couldn't, I know I couldn't. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Yes, my dear, I understand. We must use 
 common means to attain great ends. 
 Mrs. Voisine and Miss Tattel. How beautiful ! 
 Harry. And you see ladies you really can't have a func- 
 tion 
 
 Miss Earnest. What is a function ? 
 
 I-Jarry. I don't know, I'm sure. A function is something 
 
 where you have clothes on 
 
 Miss Earnest. Clothes on! Well I should 
 
 Harry. Yes, of course, and you eat 
 
 Miss Earnest. And you talk this way, when thousands of 
 
 souls are starving,' souls 
 
 Harry. I was just saying you eat, you know, and have a 
 butler, or — or — me. That makes a function. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. You naughty boy. You take your position 
 too seriously. {Tapping him on the shoulder. Exit Harry.) 
 
 15 
 
Nice boy, a friend or a relative? (A little inquisitively.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Just a dear friend. {A little sentimentally.) 
 (Miss Tattel looks at Mrs. Voisine who smiles sweetly.) 
 And dear Dr. Gibbons I have another dear friend I want to 
 introduce to you. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. A man? {Somewhat eagerly.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh ! no, not this time. We cannot get very 
 many male sufifra^ettes, at least not yet. This one is however 
 almost as good as a man. 
 
 Miss Earnest. You don't mean to say Mrs. Jones that 
 any woman is almost as good as a man. Why I, in the eternal 
 fitness of things, when the star of 
 
 Mrs. Jones. (Sweetly.) Yes, I call her a star, perhaps 
 because she isn't a man, and because she is still a woman with 
 all a man's value. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, I know. Dr. Gibbons she is mannish 
 it is true and the divine 
 
 Mrs. Jones. (With a smile.) Yes, thank you, the divine 
 mission seems given to her, for she not only lives and acts 
 like a man, she carries out her principles by being to all in- 
 tents and purposes one, since she has studied law, qualified her- 
 self to practice, and put out her shingle, and devotes herself 
 to righting the wrongs of the poor, who cannot afford to em- 
 ploy a lawyer. She is very independent and denies the claims 
 of womanhood, scoffs at feminine duty, actually sniffs at 
 babies 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Indeed, she must be a character. Why is she 
 so averse to babies ? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. She claims every person has the right to be 
 what they wish to be, to make their lives whatsoever they 
 please, bound down by no trammels 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. And does she entirely ignore the question of 
 love and marriage? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. iShe sneers at love as an imbecility of weak 
 minds 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. She surely must believe in marriage? 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Marriage with her is merely the awkward 
 necessity of maintaining the human race. I fancy she in- 
 
 16 
 
dudes it with dish washing as inevitable to the proper con- 
 duct of clean living. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, she has the noble idea of a soul that 
 sprung from the earth and soars to the unending heights 
 of . (Enter Harry, escorting Bert with great atten- 
 tion; his manner loverlike and anxious, her's unheeding and 
 possibly bored.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. My dear . (Shakes hands.) 
 
 Harry. (Pompously.) I present you to the Rev. Dr. Gib- 
 bons, the great apostle of Right and the valiant leader of the 
 E. S. L. (Dr. Gibbons comes up with a curious, somewhat 
 quizzical air. Bert has very mannish costume.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Delighted to make your acquaintance. (Very 
 loftily as tho feeling her position.) I hear great things of 
 you. You can be oi great use to us. (Patronizingly.) 
 
 Bert. (Pulling off her gloves.) All right. I'm there 
 every time. Put it there. (Giving her hand in a very free 
 and easy fashion. Dr. Gibbons seems a little shocked.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. Miss Donne has been very faithful. Her 
 energies have been a great factor in our progress. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I am so glad to hear it, so very glad. (She 
 zmthdraws a little and joins Miss Tattel.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. Charming girl and so rich. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Eh! rich? (Evidently interested.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. Yes, very. Devotes all her time to doing 
 good. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. How very interesting. I must cultivate 
 her. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. 'My dear Bert, I was afraid you might not 
 come as you hate teas and receptions. You always say they 
 are so essentially feline. 
 
 Bert. But really Mrs. Jones we must do something. I 
 suppose you can't work for women without working in 
 women's ways. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. That is what I say. Teas have their place 
 in the economy of the universe. (Dr. Gibbons nozv comes for- 
 ward. ) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Oh ! yes, we use all means, dear Miss 
 Donne. That is, all means which are fair you know. All 
 
 17 
 
means are fair you know in love and war. I hear you don't 
 believe in love so you must take it out in war. (Bert looks 
 at her a little critically.) 
 
 Bert. Love is something for weak females and silly boys. 
 {Contemptuously.) 
 Harry. Oh ! don't, you hurt. 
 Bert. I hope I do. 
 
 Harry. I flee, besides I hear the bell. {Exit.) 
 Dr. Gibbons. {Amused.) But have you never seen a man 
 you admired? 
 
 Bert. Oh ! yes, of course. I know one. He's a fine fel- 
 low. I admire him immensely. We are pals, John and I. 
 But I meet him on the ground of friendship, and we get on 
 swimmingly I can teli you. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh ! I am so happy to tell you he is to be 
 here today. 
 
 Bert. What, John Manners at a vvoman's tea and that 
 tea to give woman her rights. Heavens though, he must be 
 daft. W'hy he perfectly hates everything that relates to the 
 subject. We have regular jawing matches in my office. We 
 were pitching bali yesterday and he got so mad at me that 
 he went off in a huff. The old boy {laughs) muttered 
 "damned lot of old tabbies." I called after him and said 
 I heard, and that I'd give him a good pummelling if the 
 ridiculous prejudices of the present age didn't prohibit a man 
 from being knocked down by a woman. {Enter Harry. He- 
 hears the remark.) ' 
 
 Harry. Yes they are only allowed at the present time to 
 pull hair and call names. But that is only a merciful dis- 
 pensation of Providence. If we could be knocked down in 
 addition to all the rest of the things we have to endure 
 where would we be? {Exit and enters immediately escort- 
 ing John Manners, as he supposes. John delays.) 
 
 {Tea is passed at odd intervals to occupy those not speak- 
 ing.) 
 
 Harry. Here comes the bold, bad woman hater, the ob- 
 ject of scorn by all the fair sex, the man who simply 
 won't 
 
 18 
 
Miss Earnest. See the great and good standards that we 
 are striving for, the very elements which 
 
 Annette. Oh! yes, Miss Earnest, he does see all that, 
 but he is just a stupid man, all man, all dark ages, all medi- 
 evalism, or orientalism, all 
 
 Miss Earnest. Gracious, you don't mean that he believes in 
 polygamy, in the debasing 
 
 Annette. Oh! no. Only he won't flirt, won't frivol, won't 
 do anything a man should. 
 
 Harry. But there are others 
 
 Annette. Oh ! you naughty boy, go away. 
 
 Harry. (Piteously.) I can't. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. This is all very pretty, children, but we have 
 higher things to discuss. I wish to see the singular young 
 man who won't flirt. He surely is an anomaly. 
 
 Harry. He'd make a good suffragette, just like me. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. (Playfully until the antics of an elephant.) 
 Oh ! but I thought you were a butler. 
 
 Harry. Yes I am. But you see I am not like 'Odge, I 
 am also a suffragette. I am like (Bowing profusely to Bert) 
 Miss Donne. I am a suffragent. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. A suffragent! (Smiling.) 
 
 Harry. (To Dr. Gibbons.) That's what we call her. It's 
 her clothes. <• 
 
 Bert. What is that?, What did I hear? 
 
 Harry. (Meekly.) I said I'm a suffragette, that is a suf- 
 fragent, suffer a gent don't you know; that's all. But (In 
 great haste) where is that wretched Manners? Kissing the 
 maid I'll bet. 
 
 Annette. Oh! Harry, how can you? 
 
 Harry. I can. I'm disorganized. I don't know what I am. 
 I came in a man, I suddenly found myself a butler, then by 
 the advent of our worthy president I became a suffragette. 
 Poor Manners, I wonder what has happened to him. 
 
 Bert. Hating the maid, probably, with the rest of her sex. 
 
 Annette. Now don't, Bert, just because you don't like the 
 men. 
 
 Bert. But I do like them, when they aren't cowards, and 
 will stand up like men even if they do oppose a woman. 
 
 19 
 
Mrs. Jones. Surely, Bert dear, they oppose us enough, 
 they won't let us vote. 
 
 Bert. It isn't opposition, it is just laziness. But here he 
 is at last. (Enter John.) 
 
 Annette. You naughty man. Where have you been? 
 We were just beginning to demolish your character and you 
 are none too soon. 
 
 John. Well, you couldn't do that. It has been done al- 
 ready. (Bitterly.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. You don't mean 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh ! do let us know all about it. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. How dreadful ! 
 
 Mrs. Jones. That is only an interesting episode. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. My character has been demolished and re- 
 constructed so many times that I feel very like a portable 
 house. 
 
 Harry. I say, John, you have the appearance of a new 
 born babe. You should bring your nurse with you when you 
 beard lionesses in their den. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Well, that is better than cats. You are im- 
 proving my boy. (Bert stands aside thinking.) But Mr. 
 Manners, I must present you to Dr. Gibbons, the rest you 
 know. (Jle shakes hands around, comes to Bert, looks at 
 her inquiringly. She gives him her hand in a hearty man- 
 ner.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I fear I am in much darkness in this matter. 
 Do explain. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, let us have the fullest account. We 
 standing as we do at the side of the great yawning chasm. 
 (Harry yaxmis.) 
 
 Harry. I trust, Miss Earnest, you are not becoming per- 
 sonal in your hatred of our sex. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Personal ; I do not understand. You do 
 not suppose the mere interposition of a bit of male flesh 
 
 Harry. Say meat, Madam, flesh is too dignified for any- 
 thing I feel I am now. 
 
 Miss Earnest. When great issues are waiting with gasping 
 mouths. (Harry gasps.) 
 
 Harry. There you are again. Mrs. Jones I shall go home 
 
 20 
 
if this continues. I side with 'Odge. Eoware Madam, your 
 only male suflfragette will desert you if you are not careful. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Be quiet, Harry. You are not respectful. 
 Miss Earnest will feel hurt. 
 
 Miss Earnest. I care not for myself, but for the great and 
 grand issues for which the very intensity of our souls seems 
 like fleecy clouds 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Pardon me Miss Earnest^ but we are most 
 anxious to hear of Mr. Manners' misfortune. 
 
 Miss Tattcl. Oh, yes, I am sure we are. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. Quite sure. By the way dear Mrs. Jones 
 I have not the pleasure of knowing Mr. Manners. He is I 
 think the gentleman who is so bravely contesting the election 
 of School Commissioner. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Yes. Permit me to present him. Mr. Man- 
 ners, Mrs. Voisine is our latest acquisition. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. Yes, I am so glad to meet you. In fact 
 {Turning to Mrs. Jones.) I think it was on his account that 
 I joined your society. (Miss Tattel pricks up her ears.) 
 You know (Apolo'^etically.) I take such a deep, very deep 
 interest in all that affects our rising generation. Is it not 
 right, Dr. Gibbons? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Surely. It is to the rising generation we 
 look. The present seems past hope. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, past hope, but not past help. If we 
 had only the power in our own hands. 
 
 Harry. I should be electrocuted, yes, I know. 
 
 Annette. Now you silly boy, can't you be quiet? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes. I have heard so much of Mr. Man- 
 ners' high principle, and the dislike he has of those horrid 
 politicians, that I felt I should so like to meet him. 
 
 Bert. (Bluntly.) But I don't just see how you expected 
 to meet him here. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (A little confused.) Oh! not just that, 
 Miss Donne. It was, well, it was perhaps a kind of intuition. 
 Perhaps an inspiration. (Laughing.) 
 
 John. I confess I did come here for help. 
 
 Bert. Help ! You come to women for help. Shame. 
 
 21 
 
John. Oh ! is it shame to come to women for help, and 
 why? 
 
 Bert. But you deny us our rights. 
 
 John. I do not deny you your rights. 
 
 Harry. Golly tho. He's right in it. He won't have an 
 eye left when he leaves here. Jonah in the lions den. Oh ! 
 no Dan. 
 
 Annette. {Aside.) I'm so sorry for him, and he looks so 
 manly and brave. {Gives him an adoring look, which Harry 
 sees, and shakes his fist at her.) 
 
 Bert. But you do not approve of our voting. You have 
 said so. 
 
 John. No, not generally. (Miss Earnest gets excited.) 
 
 Bert. You know you would even oppose it. 
 
 John. Perhaps, at times. 
 
 Bert. And you came here then to ask our help? 
 
 Miss Earnest. The eternal fitness of things should show 
 
 Harry. Don't bother him, he's down. Bert will pulverize 
 him in a second. Be merciful. 
 
 John. Yes. I say frankly I came for help. 
 
 Miss Tattel. The dear boy. {Tenderly.) 
 
 Bert. But explain why you want help from those you 
 despise. 
 
 John. {Thoughtfully.) I don't despise — certainly not you. 
 {Peculiarly.) 
 
 ITarry. Ah ! bully boy. He knows when he's got his 
 match. 
 
 Annette. Hush, Harry. You scare me. 
 
 Bert. I know. You are running for School Commis- 
 sioner 
 
 John. Yes, because to allow the beastly politicians to con- 
 trol the schools is to strike at the foundations of society. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes the fountain-head of inspiration which 
 
 Harry. Yes, just the spot where ideas begin to shoot. I 
 am with you John, old boy, one suffragette on your side. 
 Bert. But while we all acknowledge the very great im- 
 
 22 
 
portance of the cause there are many ways of viewing the 
 welfare of that cause. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes. We have a principle which we shall 
 defend, and in defending the eternal 
 
 John. {Earnestly.) But that is just why I am here. It 
 isn't a question whether women have their rights 
 
 Miss Earnest. It isn't? The 
 
 John. Pardon me. The politicians use every method, 
 right or wrong. It is then only right that we should, in order 
 to successfully oppose them, use every method at least that 
 is fair. 
 
 Bert. True. But is it quite fair for you, who, we admit, 
 stand for honesty and right, to come now to us for help, 
 when you find yourself in a hole. Just because you are in a 
 hole, and want to get out, you can pocket your pride and ask 
 a favor, a political favor of a woman, simply because your 
 pride is involved? 
 
 John. My pride is not involved when 
 
 Harry. When you stoop to ask women for their votes. 
 
 Bert. Well put, Harry. 
 
 Harry. Now Bert, I didn't mean that. He's down enough 
 now. Here's one suffragette who won't jump on him. Go 
 slow Bert, men sometimes stand by each other. 
 
 Bert. No, but he takes occasion of a great and crying need 
 to put us in a position where he thinks we will humiliate 
 ourselves 
 
 Miss Earnest. Which we will never do. It is not per- 
 sonal feeling, it is that which lies 
 
 Harry. Yes, the politicians all do. 
 
 John. I do not wish you to humiliate yourselves. If 
 there is any humiliation in the matter I think I am the one 
 humiliated, to be here where I supposed at least I'd get sym- 
 pathy if nothing else. You talk of principles. Well if you 
 make a thing a matter of principle which is only a matter of 
 pride, then I confess I have made a mistake. But Ethelberta 
 Donne I had judged differently. 
 Mrs. Jones. Good for you John. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. No, Mr. Manners do not think that. Miss 
 Donne I am sure does not quite mean that. 
 
 23 
 
Bert. I am not so sure, by gracious. 
 
 Harry. Hit him again, Bert. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! Harry do he quiet. You never had a sober 
 minute in your life. 
 
 Harry. (Aside.) Gee, how did she ever find me out? 
 (Exit.) 
 
 Bert. Now, John, look here. I know you do not come 
 here for sordid reasons, that isn't in you. But you do not 
 seem to see that to differ from us so radically as you do in 
 principles, and then expect to act with us in practice, is put- 
 ting us all in a false light. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, Miss Donne, it seems to me we should 
 be made very ridiculous in the eyes of the world. But I do 
 sympathize with Mr. Manners in his desire for help at this 
 time. It is so important for the children. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Certainly we must stand up for the children. 
 It seems as tho Mr. Manners has acted with great discretion 
 in this matter. It does not seem to me like personal pride 
 but rather like a desperate case where strong measures are 
 necessary. If Mr. Manners can forget that he is a man in 
 his desire to further the welfare of the human race, it seems 
 to me we can forget we are women in the same cause. Per- 
 haps Mr. Manners would not have been so ready to ask 
 our help or to conceed our value had matters taken a dif- 
 ferent turn with him. Will Mr. Manners allow an old woman 
 to suggest that in life we have to make many compromises, 
 and when a compromise is not wrong in fact, it ought not to 
 be in principle. 
 
 Miss Tattcl. How beautiful! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, just my idea only better expressed. 
 
 John. But I don't see the compromise. There should be 
 no compromise in that which is right. 
 
 Miss Earnest. No compromise in giving up the cherished 
 thought 
 
 Bert. Yes, he can see no compromise when he wants any- 
 thing. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Don't say that. You are much too hard on 
 him. {Turning to John.) You said, so far as I can under- 
 stand it, that in running for school commissioner you have 
 
 24 
 
excited the enmity of the politicians who apparently have 
 done something to injure you? 
 
 John. Yes, they are trying to blacken my character and 
 make it appear that I am not fit to be school commissioner. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. And what is the nature of the charge they 
 bring against you? 
 
 John. That is just what I don't know. 
 
 Bert. Oh, your character will take care of itself. Be a 
 man and face them down. It is not expected of a man to be 
 weak. Look at me. Am I weak? I scorn the idea. 
 
 Annette. So do I. (Laughing.) 
 
 Bert. A little scandal will only go a great way when it is 
 nursed. Don't be a nurse. 
 
 John. I don't care for myself. It's what I represent. 
 
 Miss Tattcl. Oh ! but a scandal is such a dreadful thing. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Dreadful. I am so sorry for Mr. Manners. 
 
 John. Are you. Then help me, help me to do what I 
 am trying to do. You say the school, the coming generation 
 are the most important, the very things we must look to, to 
 accomplish what we are all aiming at. Surely a little denial 
 of self-ipride, a too close adherence cannot work together. If 
 we can only forget that we are as one 
 
 Bert. But can we? You won't give us our rights, why 
 should we acknowledge your claims? 
 
 John. It isn't a question of rights or claims. This is now 
 a matter O'f doing, doing because it is right and we know it is 
 right, and thinking out the reasons afterwards. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Why you argue like a woman. You are half 
 a suffragette already. As you know I am quite on your side. 
 
 Annette. (Joyfully.) That's it. It is always the man, I 
 knew he would win. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Of course if I could help you, I should be 
 so glad. I dp like to help people so. Besides (Thinking.) 
 perhaps I can think of a way . Oh ! I know I can. When 
 can I see you, tomorrow? 
 
 John. At my office. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! yes . I know what I shall do. I will 
 go now. I am sure you will excuse me (To Mrs. Jones.) 
 Adieu. (Exit.) 
 
 25 
 
Mrs. Jones. Surely a sweet woman. Really quite an ac- 
 quisition. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I feel Mr. Manners that really we must 
 support you. At anv rate I shall do all I can. I presume 
 if all the women we can muster in the local society were to 
 vote you would be elected? 
 
 John. I am quite sure of that. At least it would have 
 a great weight with the community by showing you have 
 confidence in me. 
 
 Bert. Ah ! yourself again . 
 
 John. Not at all. How can you be so unfair? (Angrily.) 
 
 Bert. I am not. Just just. 
 
 Miss Earnest. It seems that perhaps under the great 
 stress of circumstances which 
 
 Annette. Oh! yes of course. We will all vote for him. 
 It will be such fun. And Mrs. Jones you will have a tea to 
 celebrate the event. He must be elected. 
 
 Adiss Tattel. How can we refuse. It is our duty. We 
 must try. So good of Mrs. Voisine. I do wonder who 
 she is. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. It matters little, my dear, who she is so long 
 as she does. She may have some influence with these 
 politicians. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But we could never permit that. 
 
 John. Oh ! not all politicians are bad. I have faith in her, 
 she seems earnest and certainly looks capable. 
 
 Bert. {With a sneer.) Place dependence on a woman. 
 John Manners you ought to be ashamed of yourself. Always 
 woman, woman, and never a woman's right. {Enter Harry 
 in haste.) 
 
 Harry. I have it, I have it. 
 
 All together. What, what is it? 
 
 Harry. I have the clew to your reputation. Oh ! old fel- 
 low it is the old, old story. Don't tell me. {Dancing and 
 waving his hands.) 
 
 John. {Gasping.) My reputation ! 
 
 Harry. Yes, your reputation, you rascal. You, so demure, 
 so high-toned, so superior, so much above us mortals, so — so — 
 Oh ! I can't contain myself. 
 
 26 
 
Miss Tattel. (Eagerly.) Oh! do tell us, do tell us. I 
 can't wait. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Harry, you are a rascal. Do you know you 
 are inflicting torture? 
 
 Harry. Yes, I know it. You aren't the only victim. Bert 
 jump on him, he deserves it. Who would ever have sus- 
 pected it? 
 
 John. You might at least let us know. 
 
 Harry. I think perhaps I had better not tell. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh ! ( Groans. ) 
 
 Miss Earnest. This, boy, is too serious a time to make 
 light of things of grave importance. 
 
 Harry. But hurrah, it is too good to be true. 
 
 John. Will' you be so kind as to tell it ? 
 
 Harry. Do you really want me to tell it? Tell it right 
 here? 
 
 John. Yes, right here ! 
 
 Harry. Well, then here goes. It's a woman. 
 
 All (Together.) A woman! 
 
 Harry. (Grinning and bobbing his head with satisfac- 
 tion.) Yep, a woman, a real strong woman. You are right, 
 old chap, get a woman to catch a woman. I mean, a thief 
 to catch a thief. How unfortunate I seem today in my ex- 
 periences. (All look amazed and turn to John. He stands 
 dumbfounded.) 
 
 John. (After a silence.) You mean my character has been 
 besmirched in connection with a woman? 
 
 Harry. (Ecstaticallv.) Yep. 
 
 John. And this is the shaft of my enemies. (The ladies 
 look blank. Miss Tattel whispers to Annette zvho giggles, 
 Mrs. Jones has a quizzical smile and Miss Earnest is evi- 
 dently horrified. Enter Mrs. Voisine.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! I forgot to say Why, what is the 
 
 matter? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. We have just learned Mr. Manners' repu- 
 tation is involved with a woman. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. A woman ! 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I am not sure 
 
 Miss Tattel. How dreadful ! 
 
 27 
 
Mrs. Jones. Yes, John, you have placed us in a very 
 awkward position. 
 
 John. But surely you will not fail me now ? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. This is very serious, very serious indeed. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, indeed. 
 
 Dr. Gibb.ons. There are many things for us, we are 
 women, to think of. We have ourselves to protect. 
 
 John. But for that reason you can best show your sym- 
 pathy with a cause like the one I stand for. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But not to tarnish our names, to soil our- 
 selves by condoning an intrigue, that might blast 
 
 Harry. Oh ! come now, you are in no particular danger. 
 Your face is your fortune. 
 
 Aliss Earnest. Horrid boy ! 
 
 John. For shame that a human issue should be made 
 subservient to a personal fear ! 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. But Mr. Manners, I do not think it is that. 
 You must remember no great matter can be decided at 
 once 
 
 Bert. Yes it can. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Of course you would agree with me 
 
 Miss Earnest. That we could not place ourselves in anv 
 equivocal position 
 
 Bert. Most certainly. 
 
 John. Oh! Bert. 
 
 Bert. I do say so most decidedly. We can never place 
 ourselves in any equivocal position. 
 
 John. You too, Bert? 
 
 Bert. Yes I say so too. Never can we afford, standing as 
 we do against the general opinion of mankind, never can we 
 afford to put ourselves in an equivocal position. Don't let us 
 be cowards and shrink from our duty no matter what per- 
 sonal feeling we each may have. 
 
 Miss Earnest. And you are with us? 
 
 Bert. No, you are with me. (They look surprised.) 
 
 John. Oh! Bert. (In despair.) 
 
 BeYt. We can never afford, John Manners, for idle gos- 
 sip ever to go back on an honest man. We will stand for 
 
 28 
 
you. (Gives him her hand.) Am I right? {They all gasp 
 a moment then say yes.) 
 
 Curtain. 
 
 29 
 
ACT II. 
 
 Scene— John's oiHice in an oMce building. Bert's office is 
 just across the hall. John alone. 
 
 John. (Dropping pen.) Hang it! What's the matter with 
 me? I am all unstrung. (Walks around.) This wretched 
 business is getting on my nerves. Here I am twenty-six and 
 upset just because some dirty rascals get up a story about a 
 woman. Woman! Bah! Mighty little I care about a 
 woman. A Woman! Well, I suppose they have their uses, 
 but it is hard sometimes to discover them. They simper and 
 grin and look pretty and make fools of the men. Thank 
 heaven they have never done that to me. I fancy a woman 
 would have to try awhile to do that. Now the kind of 
 woman I like is one who can forget she is a woman, who can 
 take life seriously, in short a woman who can act like a man. 
 Bert is just such a woman. She and I have been pals for a 
 long time, iust old pals. No nonsense, no love, ha, ha, love 
 with Bert. It is funny. Why I should as soon think of mak- 
 ing love to a lamp-post. But — by the way I wonder just 
 what love is. I've never looked it up. I will now. Come, old 
 Webster, let's see what you know about it. (Looks at dic- 
 tionary.) Devotes a whole column to the subject. (Reads.) 
 Humph ! All I can get out of it is "devoted attachment or 
 tender feeling for one of the opposite sex." Say, I don't 
 think old Webster knew what love was. I'll look at his 
 picture. (Looks and laughs.) Think of his loving! Love, 
 ha, ha. (Enter Mrs. Voisine.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Ah! good morning. (She smiles in a 
 coquettish manner. He looks around in surprise and some 
 confusion.) 1 trust I am not intruding. iJVitli a saucy 
 manner. John recovers himself and offers a chair.) 
 
 John. Oh ! no, not at all, pray be seated. (She docs so 
 with some by play and looks around. He looks at her with 
 curiosity and evidently zvaits to hear her business. She 
 hesitates, then laughs a little.) You seem to be amused. 
 
 31 
 
Mrs. Voisine. Well, yes, I am. 
 
 John. Really, perhaps, — you might be so kind as to share 
 your amusement with me. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, so I might, but I do not see just how. 
 {Laughs.) 
 
 John. Oh! perhaps you were laughing at me. {She shrugs 
 her shoulders.), I suppose I am absurd. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {A little tenderly.) Oh! no, you could 
 never be that. 
 
 John. Well, what is it then? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {With a little pant.) Must I tell? 
 
 John. I wish you would. {She laughs.) More mys- 
 terious. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! I'll be frank. You were talking about 
 love as I came in. {Archly.) 
 
 John. Yes, I was soliloquizing, I believe. {Someivhat 
 shamefacedly.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, and I did not mean to hear you — but 
 the door was open. 
 
 John. Yes it is hot here. 
 
 Afrs. Voisine. And so I heard your remarks about love. 
 
 John. It seems a common subject. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. It is — very. 
 
 John. Then perhaps you laughed because it is so common. 
 It bored you. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {A little significantly.) Love never bores 
 me. I mean it never bores a woman. {John looks be- 
 wildered.) Don't be surprised. I'm not a frivolous woman. 
 
 John. I didn't think you were. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! but you might. Men are so wrong in 
 their judgments. 
 
 John. Are they? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, terribly. 
 
 John. I didn't know it. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! perhaps not. There are many things 
 men don't know. 
 
 John. For instance. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. That love bores a woman. There, now, 
 don't look that way. {He hasn't.) I know just what you 
 
 33 
 
men always think. (John looks bnvildercd.) 
 
 John. Think ! 
 
 Mrs. I'oisine. Yes, think. Please remember I did not be- 
 gin this subject. It is of course silly. But I was so amused 
 to hear you speaking of love 
 
 John. But you say it is so common 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, common and so to hear you talking 
 about it roused my sense of hurhor. 
 
 John. (Confused.) My talking about it! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, it seemed, ha, ha, it seemed, ha, ha, 
 
 John. It seemed — ha, ha, (Severely.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Why, I must laugh. It seemed as funny as* 
 if you had been repeating the multiplication table. 
 
 John. Well, I don't see why I can't repeat the multipli- 
 cation table if I want to. (Testily.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, surely you can, — but it would seem a 
 little queer, would it not at this late day? 
 
 John. I must confess I do not see what you are driving at. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. No? Well you were soliloquizing about 
 love, not? 
 
 John. Yes, but what had that to do with the multiplication 
 table ? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh, you don't see. (Imfafiently.) Well 
 surely it must be as familiar to you as that. 
 
 John. What, love? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, love. 
 
 John. (Upset.) Love — love — it's rot. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! is it? I hadn't thought so. 
 
 John. No, perhaps not. You are a woman. 
 
 Mrs Voisine. That sounds very like a sneer. (Hurt.) 
 
 John. Well, it wasn't. I think it is all rot, anyway. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Archly.) You? You think it rot? 
 
 John. Yes. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. You, after your experience, at your time of 
 life, after the — ha^ha— life you have led 
 
 John. The life I've led! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, you a handsome, attractive man. (John 
 
 looks pleased.) You tell me love is all— ha— ha, ha . 
 
 Oh ! it is too funny. To think at your age . Oh ! no you 
 
 33 
 
can't believe I am such a fool. No. no. Oh ! you men ! 
 {Coquettishly. Bert appears at the door unobserved by 
 John.) 
 
 John. Now Mrs. Voisine please don't misunderstand me. 
 You really — please — ^why do you torment me this way? 
 (Bert retires after a look of surprise, but subdues a laugh 
 as she goes away.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I don't torment you, or at least I don't 
 mean to torment you. You were laughing at love. You 
 who have had so much experience. 
 John. What? 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, of course. At your age, now don't 
 
 try to fool an old woman 
 
 John. Love ! I tell you I don't know what it is. Do you 
 know ? 
 Mrs. Voisine. I? I know. I have been married. 
 John. Well, what is it like? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Like? How should I know. Marriage 
 does not always mean love. (Miss Tattel appears at the 
 door and is very much surprised, also delighted. She knocks 
 very feebly.) 
 
 John. Oh! (Laughing.) I thought it did. That is what 
 I have always 'been taught. ' 
 Mrs. Voisine. You have been taking lessons, eh? 
 John. No, (Annoyed.) no, of course not, it is all rot. 
 Mrs. Voisine. Are you quite sure? (With a laughing 
 glance.) 
 
 John. Yes, sure. (Miss Tattel again knocks feebly and 
 coughs. They do not heed her. She tries to act dis- 
 comfited.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. But I tho't you were in some trouble, 
 something about a woman ? 
 John. Yes, so it seems. 
 
 Mi's. Voisine. (Archly.) How could there be trouble 
 with a woman without love? 
 John. That is just what I can't see. 
 
 Mrs. J'oisine. Nor L Now I do want to help you so 
 much. (A little tenderly. Miss Tattel again coughs and 
 thev hear and both start.) Oh! Miss Tattel! 
 
 34 
 
John. I beg your pardon 1 did not hear you. 
 
 Miss Tattcl. {Effusively.) Oh! I just came, just this 
 moment. I was not here at all. I didn't hear anything, 
 nothing at all. (Mrs. Voisine smiles significantly.) 
 
 John. There was nothing to hear. Mrs. Voisine promised 
 to come to see me yesterday. (Pause while Miss Tattel 
 
 looks very expectant.) eh, she said she thought she 
 
 could help me 
 
 Miss Tattel. And she has? (Inquiringly.) 
 
 John. Now, I don't know. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (With a laugh and some coquetry.) I 
 was beginning to, was I not Mr. Manners? (To Miss Tat- 
 tel.) You see he is very easy to help. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Yes, so I thought— I mean, I should fancy. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Giving Miss Tattel an expressive look.) 
 It is not often we can help men in such a crisis 
 
 John. Crisis! Do you call it a crisis? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, crisis. Why not? You said your 
 reputation was attacked, you threw yourself into our hands, 
 you asked for help — you 
 
 John. But crisis is a pretty strong word. (Enter Harry.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. But for a man who says he knows nothing 
 
 of love (Sees Harry.) Surely Mr. McMayne you will 
 
 agree with me that under the circumstances 
 
 Harry. What circumstances? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Why that Mr. Manners should be attacked 
 because of a woman and then say he knows nothing about 
 love surely does produce a crisis. 
 
 Harry. John you are certainly a curiosity. Here I find 
 you talking with a pretty woman, informing her you know 
 nothing about love and say it isn't a crisis. Well I will tell 
 you one thing, the sooner you find out about love the better 
 it will be for you. I hear all sorts of tales. Not a soul will 
 ever believe such a cock and bull story. John you are sly. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! no I don't think so, Mr. McMayne, I 
 thi::k 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! it is so interesting! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I think Mr. Manners deserves all of our 
 
 .35 
 
support, and oerhaps some of our pity. (Miss Tattel eyes 
 Mrs. Voisine curiously.) 
 
 John. Pity! Why pity? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Because a man who knows nothing about 
 love is liable to fall a prey to any designing woman. 
 
 John. Not if he steers clear of them. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Many ships have been lost because the 
 compass was wrong. 
 
 John. {Bluntly.) But you can't be shipwrecked if 3'ou do 
 not go to sea. 
 
 Harry. Oh ! you can't, look at me. My life is one long 
 wreck. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! dear, how very interesting. {Enter 
 Miss Earnest.) You dear, you have missed so much. 
 
 Miss Earnest. So much. We all miss in this world so 
 many great opportunities which even see mto reach out to us 
 like hands of those who are lost in wreck 
 
 Harry. Yes, we were just talking of shipwreck. John 
 here is pretty nigh done for. 
 
 Miss Earnest. He is lost? Do you mean 
 
 Harry. Yes for sure. He's a goner. Do you know 
 he doesn't even know what love is. Why even you know that. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Me, love, you are crazy young man. {Enter 
 Bert.) By the 
 
 Bert. It does seem a little malapropos. It is some time I 
 fancy since you experienced the tender passion. 
 
 Miss Earnest. {Aghast.) Tender passion why 
 
 Harry. Forgotten all about it. We know. John seems to 
 have forgotten. I just arrived in time to hear Mrs. Voisine 
 refresh his memory. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Mr. McMayne, I fear you wilfully misunder- 
 stood me. 
 
 Bert. Well, for my part I can't see what Miss Earnest's 
 past love affairs have to do with John's election. 
 
 Miss Earnest. (Hoirrified.) My past love affairs! Why I 
 never had any. I never had such things. I 
 
 Harry. Things ! They are not things Madam, they are 
 feelings. I guess I know. (Looking tenderly at Bert.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. I never had feelings. I 
 
 36 
 
Harry. Yes, that is just what John says. Look at him, 
 see what a reputation he has. If you continue in your de- 
 termination to down the men you will be in just such a fix. 
 I tell you Miss Earnest these people who don't know what 
 love is had better look out. Why, I have all I can do to 
 keep my head above water. 
 
 Bert. Don't be absurd. We all know John hasn't any 
 more idea of love than a little yellow dog. John is straight 
 business. So am I. I think we can all take care of our love 
 affairs. {Enter Mrs. Jones and Dr. Gibbons.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. 'Good morning everybody. What is this I 
 hear? Talking about love. Now really. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. I knew women were always interested, but 
 I hairdly expected John Manners to be. 
 
 John (Hotly.) I'm not. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! but I thought you were. (They all 
 stare.) 
 
 John. I? What nonsense. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Well you asked about it. (Shyly.) 
 
 John. (Ashamed.) Yes, I did say something. (Acts con- 
 fused. Miss Tattel whispers to Miss Earnest who looks 
 stern. ) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (To Dr. Gibbons.) It seems silly I know. 
 But I believe Mr. Manners was speaking about that attack 
 on his character and said he could not understand it. I 
 suggested he might have been in love (John disgiisted.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Yes, but please explain further. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. And he said he did not know what love 
 was, — so — I tried to explain. 
 
 Harry. I hope you did not try to demonstrate. (He 
 giggles.) 
 
 Mrs. Jones. (Smiling.) Hush you naughty boy. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Really (Hesitates.) it seems to me very 
 
 remarkable — it — why it 
 
 Harry. Yes it seems too good to be true. And if it is too 
 good to be true it is. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh! Harry, do hush. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. You said you were instructing him 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Simpering.) No, — no — not instructing 
 
 .S7 
 
him. I couldn't do that only well, he said he didn't 
 
 know 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. And you told him you did. Just how that 
 is going to help elect him I don't see. {Severely.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. No, nor I. Nor do I see what my early 
 love affairs 
 
 Harry. (Joyfully.) Oh! you had them. Now John after 
 that surrender you must give in. 
 
 Miss Earnest. I did not have them. By the 
 
 Harry. Please don't swear. I am too young and too ten- 
 der. The example would be awful. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Harry, you must behave yourself. 
 I Harry. I don't see why. Miss Earnest is looking for her 
 rights. Swearing is one of them. How do I know where she 
 will stop. My youth must be protected. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But this is all nonsense. We are here for 
 a great and glorious cause and the trivial things of earth 
 must be brushed aside. (Makes a motion with her hand) 
 
 Harry. My, though, she will become vituperative next. 
 (Aside.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. I fear (Looking at Mrs. Voisine.) that 
 sufficient weight has not been given to the gravity 
 
 Harry. There, you know it now, so does John. These 
 things overtake one in after life. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Feeling somewhat hurt.) I think perhaps 
 \ had better go. The conversation has not taken a serious 
 ♦urn, and, Mr. Manners, I shall have to seek some other oc- 
 casion in which to explain my ideas. (Harry puts his hand 
 to his mouth and the ladies look severe. Bert smiles.) I 
 am sorry, Mr. Manners, to have been interrupted. 
 
 John. But I will see you again. You can then give me the 
 information you promised. (Mrs. Voisine gives a signiUcant 
 Utile smile and goes out. Harry claps his hand over his 
 mouth and a silence exists which becomes painful. John 
 perceives it and turning continues.) Well? (Still silence. 
 John gets nervous and Bert comes to his rescue.) 
 
 Bert. I think, Dr. Gibbons, you had something to pro- 
 pose 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. (Slowly.) Yes, something to propose, but 
 
 38 
 
I do not know quite if I care to propose it now. (With 
 emphasis. ) 
 
 Bert. And why not now? 
 
 John. (Eagerly.) And why not now? Surely we want 
 all the help we can get. (Enter Mi's. Voisine.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oli ! I cannot find the elevator. Did I turn 
 the wrong way? 
 
 John. You must have done so. I will show you. (Exeunt.) 
 
 Harry. Well I never. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Never what? 
 
 Harry. Never saw anything neater than that. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Pray, explain. 
 
 Harry. (Putting his finger along side his nose.) Just 
 wait and see how long it takes him to find the elevator. 
 I'M bet he's forgotten all about it. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh ! Harry for shame. (Laughing.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Surely you don't mean 
 
 Miss Earnest. It cannot be possible that in such a crisis 
 when the very heavens are expectant 
 
 Harry. Oh ! come down to earth. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Come down to earth! (Gasps.) 
 
 Bert. Of course, Harry, you are absurd. Nothing could 
 be more natural. 
 
 Harry. That's just what I say. She is pretty. 
 
 Bert. Harry, if -ou don't stop making fun of John you 
 will hear from me. 
 
 Harry. There now, there you go, standing uo for John all 
 the time never giving me a show. 
 
 Bert. Of course I'll stand u" for him, he and I are pals. 
 (Dr. Gibbons raises her eyebrows.) 
 
 Bert. John is as straight as the day and you know it. If 
 this woman is a bit silly it isn't his fault. 
 
 Miss Tattel. But it was very queer. 
 
 Bert. I don't see it. He can't help what a woman does. 
 He is as innocent as a lamb. 
 
 Harry Oh! (Nods his head.) And like the lamb is led 
 to the slaughter. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. After the rumors we have heard it seems to 
 
 39 
 
me very singular to find a pretty woman here talking to 
 him 
 
 Miss Tattel. Yes, and about love, too. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Oh ! love is merely an incident. 
 
 Miss Earnest. You may think so, Mrs. Jones, but to 
 me 
 
 Harry. It is vital. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Wretch. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. It seems no one knows her and she is pretty. 
 
 Harry. And that deserves death from her sex, I suppose 
 Madam if you all had your rights there wouldn't be a pretty 
 woman left. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. (Not noticing Harry.) But for us, now, at 
 this juncture to compromise our cause, why surely it would 
 expose us to unmerciful ridicule. It is well to stand up for 
 the night but we must be sure it is right. (Turning to Bert.) 
 You are sure of your friend and I am quite in sympathy 
 with you. In fact I agree that your friend is a fine man and 
 deserves your good opinion, but I do not like the situation. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Perhaps she is a widow. If so, John has 
 as good a right to be in love with her as anyone else. 
 
 Bert. (Angrily.) But that is nonsense. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Why nonsense? I am a widow myself. 
 (Looks at Harry tenderly.) 
 
 Bert. (Testily.) Perhaps you think John is in love with 
 you. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. No I don't. I wish he were. I'd marry him. 
 (Bert sniffs.) 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I, too, a ma widow. I suppose I am hu- 
 man 
 
 Harry. You too, madam ! How can you be human and 
 want your rights? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. (Not noticing Harry.) I am human, as I 
 said, but I do not think at the present time in a lawyer's 
 office, the subject of love is especially apropos, even if the 
 lady happens to be a widow. 
 
 Miss Tattel. But Who knows if she really is a widow? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. He has always been above reproach, you 
 all agree? 
 
 40 
 
Miss Earnest. So far. But how do we know when the 
 demon of unrest may seize a man 
 
 Harry. Yes, or even a woman. 
 
 Miss Earnest. And he be swept off his feet — into the 
 whirlpool 
 
 Harry. (Aside.) My though hasn't she had a time! 
 
 Bert. But Miss Earnest it is nonsense to suppose that 
 John has ever even had the chance, much less to be swept 
 off his pedal extremities. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Yes, yes, but why doesn't he come back. 
 
 Harry. Perhaps he has already been swept over the brink 
 of the elevator well. 
 
 Miss Earnest. I for one am for going very slowly in this 
 matter. It is very easy to take a misstep, it is not so easy 
 to right it. 
 
 Harry. She speaks with conviction. {Aside.) 
 
 Bert. You can never make a mistake with a man like 
 John. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. You are very sure. {Smiling,.) Perhaps, 
 no, you are above love. Pretty nice man. 
 
 Miss Tattel. But that is why he is tempted. 
 
 Harry. The more the temptation, the nicer the man. 
 
 Bert. The rule doesn't always work. 
 
 Harry. Oh ! Bert you are so cruel. 
 
 Bert. No, just. I know John. I also know you. 
 
 Harry. {Joyfully.) To know him was to love him. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. Yes, Harry, we all love you if that is what 
 you mean. 
 
 Miss Earnest. {Decisively.) I don't. 
 
 Miss Tattel. No, nor I. {Smiling.) 
 
 Harry. And yet you believe in your rights Ahem ! 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I never saw a conversation drift as this has. 
 We are here to help Mr. Manners. We came united in our 
 purpose, we found a flirtation 
 
 Bert. Don't say that. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. Not only a flirtation but a silly one at that. 
 After the unpleasant news we had yesterday, after we had 
 nobly thrown aside our very natural prid.e 
 
 Bert. Please don't say that. 
 
 41 
 
Dr. Gibbons. After we had put into a cause, quite sub- 
 sidiary to the great one for which we are working, our in- 
 terests and our efforts we find the seriousness of our purpose 
 derided and we are threatened not only with failure but even 
 with contempt. 
 
 Bert. Yes I see how you feel and in a way are right, but we 
 are going now to put aside any little thing that stands in our 
 way and help John win this election. We are. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. But I feel we are now in a very peculiar 
 position. 
 
 Bert. How so? 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. This Mrs. Voisine, explain her. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, explain why this flippant 
 
 Harry. Yes, explain. I'm dying to know. Besides she's 
 pretty. 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I for myself do not like — well like what I 
 have seen . 
 
 Harry. (Solemnly.) Nor I. 
 
 Mrs. Jones. That was just fun. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But fun, when 
 
 Harry. Yes, we must have some fun. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Then it was just fun. 
 
 Harry. You bet. Didn't you ever have an-? Only just 
 rights? My what a life! 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. To tell the plain truth, it looked to me like 
 a plain flirtation. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! Dr. Gibbons, please don't speak that way. 
 (John enters.) John was never guilty of such a thing. He 
 doesn't know how to flirt. 
 
 John. Flirt. What is this, flirt? 
 
 Bert. John, you don't know how to flirt. You know you 
 don't. 
 
 Harry. I hope {Solemnly.) you haven't tried him (John 
 is bewildered.) 
 
 John. What makes you think that? 
 
 Bert. It is beyond you. 
 
 John. I don't know, I never thought. 
 
 Harry. Then think, Oh ! think hard. 
 
 John. Flirt, whom would I flirt with? 
 
 42 
 
Bert. Oh! John. I am having such a time. These ladies 
 all came here this morning quite decided to help you 
 
 John. They are going to, aren't they? 
 
 Bert. I hope so. But John they are now wavering. 
 
 John. Wavering, why are they wavering? 
 
 Bert. Oh! John how can I tell you? 
 
 John. Straight out, I am never afraid of the truth. 
 
 Bert. They say you have been flirting. 
 
 John. I? I flirt. Flirt, how do I know how to flirt. 
 
 Bert. That is what I said. You are as innocent as a 
 baby. (John looks a little disgusted.) You haven't the 
 least idea of such things. 
 
 John. No, nor you either. Apparently we are just two 
 babes. 
 
 Bert. Yes we are, John, and the old crows will come and 
 bury us under the leaves. 
 
 Harry. Hens, vou mean. 
 
 John. But if I don't know how to flirt and haven't any- 
 one to flirt with 
 
 Bert. But they say you have. 
 
 John. I have ! Nobody but you, Bert, and you wouldn't 
 if you could. 
 
 Bert. But they say you were flirting with Mrs. Voisinc 
 
 John. {Amazed.) With Mrs. Voisine, why I don't know 
 her. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But you were talking love to her. 
 
 John. About love, yes. {Snappishly-} not love. I might 
 even talk about love to you. I hope my reputation would 
 not suffer. {Disgusted.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. But it is silly if not criminal. 
 
 Bert. But, John, don't despair, we will stick by you. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Not I. The eternal fitness oi 
 
 Harry. You mean self-respect and the cause 
 
 Miss Tattel. But I couldn't if it's criminal 
 
 Dr. Gibbons. I think Mr. Manners, it is wise for us to 
 abstain from further discussion. You see how the ladies 
 feel and Mrs. Jones if your carriage is waiting, all things 
 considered, I think we would be wise to return to the house. 
 Besides we may miss Mrs. Croesus. Good-day Mr. Manners. 
 
 43 
 
Be cheerful. We trust it will all come right. I for myself do 
 not like the looks of Mrs. Voisine. You may have keener 
 instincts. (Severely. Exeunt Mrs. Jones and Dr. Gibbons.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. (With great dignity.) For my part, Mr. 
 Manners, I regret having entered your office after finding 
 what was here. 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh ! Mr. Manners I am so sorry. I do hope 
 there is nothing criminal. Goodby. (Exeunt Misses 
 Earnest and Tattel.) 
 
 Bert. (Savagely.) The old cats! 
 
 Harry. Sh, sh, you'll hurt the cause. 
 
 Bert. (Clinching her teeth.) the cause! 
 
 Harry. There, there, come Bert, it's one of your rights, 
 but let me say it. 
 
 Bert. (Earnestly.) Say it. 
 
 Harry. Damn. 
 
 Bert. Louder. 
 
 Harry. Damn ! 
 
 Bert. There, I feel better. (Tuning to John.) Come 
 now, old fellow, brace up, we will down them yet. Fighting 
 for right, pah ! for right and for some little nonsense 
 
 Harry. Do you want my help again? 
 
 Bert. Right is right, and just because of a little foolish- 
 ness, just a mere chance, such as might happen to anyone, 
 even a woman like Dr. Gibbons gets bugs into her head. 
 Pah ! I never saw such a lot 
 
 Harry. Help ? 
 
 Bert. And all about a woman, a woman whom no one 
 knows about, a woman 
 
 Harry. Damned pretty woman. (Bert stops, looks 
 thoughtfully, then looks at John, hesitating.) 
 
 Bert. Say, John, you weren't flirting with her? 
 
 John. Oh! Bert. 
 
 Bert. Well, men have done such things. 
 
 Harry. I think I'll be going. (Exit.) 
 
 Bert. (Pleadingly.) John do tell me you were not flirt- 
 ing with — with that thing? (Enter Harry and Annette.) 
 
 Harry. Ran into her outside. Told her she'd missed the 
 nicest thing in life, seeing John flirt. 
 
 44 
 
Annette. Oh! I am so sorry Bert. I'm always just too 
 late. But did you see it? 
 
 Bert. I don't know. 
 
 Annette. Don't know? 
 
 Bert. No. I don't flirt myself, and John says he doesn't, 
 so I can't tell. 
 
 Annette. But you can flirt without knowing it. 
 
 Bert. You can? I don't see how. Explain. 
 
 Annette. Why it is just like walking in your sleep. 
 
 Bert. It is. 
 
 Annette. Yes, of course. I have often flirted with John 
 
 Bert. You have? 
 
 Annette. Yes, but he didn't know it. 
 
 Bert. Then perhaps that was the case with Mrs. Voisine. 
 
 Annette. With Mrs. Voisine. Was he flirting with Mrs. 
 Voisine ? 
 
 Bert. Well it looked like it. 
 
 Annette. With that woman, why I heard she was an 
 awful woman. 
 
 John. You did. {Excited.) 
 
 Annette. Now John, dear, don't worry. You'd never have 
 anything to do with her. (Bert starts as though suspicious.) 
 
 Harry. Oh! I guess she'll flirt all right, if what I hear at 
 the club is true. 
 
 John. You hear a lot of stuff at the club. It is almost 
 as bad as a woman's rights association. 
 
 Bert. Now Harry what did you hear? Tell us plainly. 
 We want to know. 
 
 Annette. Yes, do tell. I'm just dying of curiosity. What 
 a pity Miss Tattel isn't here too. She is always so much in- 
 terested. 
 
 Harry. Now look here girls, it isn't fair for a man to tell 
 everything he knows. 
 
 Bert. But we must know and know now. 
 
 Harry. It seems to me (Sulkily.) you are somewhat in- 
 terested, perhaps on your own account. 
 
 Bert. (Innocently.) No, on John's. 
 
 Harry. Yes, that is what I mean. It is on John's account. 
 You don't like to see him flirting with a pretty woman. 
 
 45 
 
Bert. {Angrily.) I think you need a thrashing. You 
 know where my interest lies. 
 
 Harry. Well I'll say just this. You know John and I 
 are good friends and if John is a little human I am not go- 
 ing to give him away, that is all there is about it. 
 
 Bert. {Slowly.) So you can give him away? (John 
 meanzvhile frowns.) 
 
 Harry. No I don't. I mean just this: He is a man and 
 if he is square with me I have nothing further to ask. If he 
 wants to have a good time with a pretty woman I certainly 
 am not one to fire stones. 
 
 John. {Restraining himself.) But that does not explain 
 what you hear at the club. 
 
 Harry,. Just what I hear at woman's rights associations. 
 You suggested it yourself. You will be a suffragette so you 
 must hear gossip. I merely state Mrs. Voisine is a pretty 
 woman. That is all I know. You may know more. {Sig- 
 niHcantly.) 
 
 John. Well I know this Harry McMayne, if I don't know 
 about love and sucJi stuff I am man enough not to slur a 
 woman. Mrs. Voisine is pretty, a very pretty woman. In 
 that I agree with you. But to put any stigma on her, I won't, 
 there is no reason. 
 
 Harry. Nor do I put any stigma on her. I simply said 
 she's pretty. She can't help that. And they say at the club 
 she will flirt. 
 
 John. And is that all? 
 
 Harry. Yes that is all, what more do vou wish to know? 
 
 Bert. I think that is enough. Why does she want to 
 come here and raise an issue with us when she bears such a 
 reputation ? 
 
 John. Come now, Bert, you are unfair. 
 
 Harry. {Grinning.) Oh! Bert, remember she is pretty 
 and Ave men are weak. Don't be foolish John. Be a man, 
 and just a man, flirt if you like. 
 
 John. I don't want to flirt and I think it is all foolishness. 
 
 Annette. But John you must have given some encourage- 
 ment. 
 
 John. Never. T say never. 
 
 46 
 
Bert. (^Suddenly.) But you were talking about love to 
 her. 
 
 John. Oh ! drop it. 
 
 Annette. Why, I always thought that was flirting, unless 
 you were in earnest. 
 
 John. Oh ! what madness. You people drive me mad. 
 
 Harry. Then Annette, we had better go. 
 
 Bert. Yes, perhaps John can explain it better when we are 
 alone. 
 
 Harry. All r'ght. But be easy with him Bert. Don't 
 make him suffer too much. Good-bye. 
 
 Annette. Good-bye, Bert, and cheer up John, it is hard 
 never to have known what love is. Oh ! Bert do teach him a 
 few things. 
 
 Bert. Teach him! (Exeunt Harry and Annette.) 
 
 John. WeU? 
 
 Bert. Well? (Long pause.) 
 
 John. (Bitterly.) You might teach me a few things. 
 
 Bert. (Slowly and thoughtfully.) You need it. 
 
 John. Oh! do I? (Nodding his head impressively.) 
 
 Bert. Yes, I must say I do think so. 
 
 John. (Sarcastically.) You call yourself a friend. If is 
 surely the part of a friend to help ai)rother. 
 
 Bert. (Slowly.) Yes I am a friend. 
 
 John. Yes ? 
 
 Bert. And it is the part of a friend to help another. 
 
 John. And are you quite sure you know how? 
 
 Bert. Perhaps I might guess. 
 
 John. Then do it. 
 
 Bert. (Laughing.) I judge from Annette's remark I was 
 to teach you what love is. 
 
 John. (Earnestly.) Yes do. (Bert starts.) 
 
 Bert. But has this to do with woman's rights? 
 
 John. I don't know. But if there is such a thing as love 
 it ought to be her right to teach a man what it is. 
 
 Bert. I wonder. I thought it just came. 
 
 John. Oh ! it comes does it, like the flowers that bloom in 
 the spring tra-la 
 
 Bert. But you make light of it. 
 
 47 
 
John. Why not — ha — ha . You must confess it is 
 
 funny for you and me to be talking about love. 
 
 Bert. I don't know. 
 
 John. You believe in it. 
 
 Bert. Let me see. I sometimes think I do. 
 
 John. You sometimes think you do. (Slowly.) And what 
 makes you? (She looks at him carefully.) 
 
 Bert. You. (She rises and walks around.) 
 
 John. I? (In surprise.) Pray why do I? 
 
 Bert. Shall I tell? 
 
 John. Pray do. 
 
 Bert. Well, we must take the world as we find it. It is 
 not reasonable to suppose we are all exceptions to the rules 
 which govern that world. What might be quite natural for 
 one would be impossible for another. 
 
 John. How so? Illustrate. 
 
 Bert. For instance. You are a man. A man is notori- 
 ously helpless when he gets on in life. He must marry. 
 
 John. Why must? 
 
 Bert. Because he is incomplete. 
 
 John. Why is not a woman incomplete? 
 
 Bert. She is sometimes. Then she must marry or she be- 
 comes a busy old maid always attending to other people's 
 business. 
 
 John. Do you expect to marry? 
 
 Bert. (With scorn.) Marry, I marry? Of course not. 
 
 John. Then you feel yourself complete. So do I. 
 
 Bert. But you aren't, you know. 
 
 John. I didn't know. 
 
 Bert. But don't you understand? A man is just a man, 
 he can never be anything else. A man can't be half woman, 
 he would be a sissy. 
 
 John. I am not a sissy, yet I feel myself complete. 
 
 Bert. But you can't be. You have got to have a woman 
 to finish what God has made. 
 
 John. Well, a woman would soon finish me. 
 
 Bert. Now you see a woman can be both man and woman. 
 I propose to be that. I claim that I can be a true woman and 
 have all the character and stability of a man. 
 
 4S 
 
John. Then you don't intend to marry? 
 
 Bert. No, do vou? 
 
 John. You say I have got to. 
 
 Bert. You have, to finish your mission in life. 
 
 John. Say, what do you know about love? 
 
 Bert. Nothing. 
 
 John. Well don't you think you are somewhat incom- 
 plete? 
 
 Bert. (Starting.) I hadn't thought so. 
 
 John. This love seems a very vital force. 
 
 Bert. Yes, to Harry and Annette. 
 
 John. Even Mrs. Jones seems to have tampered with it 
 considerably. 
 
 Bert. What rot! 
 
 John. That is what I say. but it is a fact. 
 
 Bert. Ask Mrs. Voisine she knows. (Significantly.) 
 
 John. I believe I will. You sav I've got to marry. If 
 she's a widow, why not her. She's pretty. Harry says so. 
 His taste is extensive and varied. 
 
 Bert. (Shortly.) That thing! 
 
 John. Well I've asked you and I don't get much help. 
 You are the only woman I'd marry 
 
 Bert. Whew, this is news. How long since? 
 
 John. Oh ! sometime. You are the only sensible woman I 
 ever knew. 
 
 Bert. Thank you. But you seem rather abrupt. Is it a 
 proposal? 
 
 John. No, only a possibility. 
 
 Bert. Well — I — I — don't quite know what makes me feel 
 so funny. I — I — ^believe it must be shortness of breath. And 
 I am sure Annette would think it was cold bloodied. 
 
 John. But I don't see anything so extraordinary in it. 
 Of course it has been coming on a long time. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! the symptoms ! Is the disease likely to reach 
 a crisis? 
 
 John. That's just what I can't tell. 
 
 Bert. Why it's just what Annette told me to teach you. 
 
 John. What do you mean? 
 
 Bert. It's about Jove. 
 
 49 
 
John. I wonder if that is it. I think I'll ask Mrs. Voisine, 
 she's a married woman and will know. 
 
 Bert. {Scornfully.) That woman! 
 
 John. You don't like her. 
 
 Bert. She talked love to you. 
 
 John. Well, what of it? 
 
 Bert. You flirted with her ! 
 
 John. No I didn't. 
 
 Bert. You are interested in her ! 
 
 John. Yes. She is,.a fascinating woman. 
 
 Bert. {Angrily.) The wretch! Perhaps she's a widow. 
 You might marry her. She'd soon make a finish of you. 
 
 John. What nonsense. I should never think of marrying 
 her. 
 
 Bert. Oh! just trifling with her. You don't care if she 
 be a widow or not. If you married, you would marry me. 
 If you loved I suppose you would love her. Oh ! her being 
 married wouldn't be any in the way. 
 
 John. Oh ! please. 
 
 Bert. Yes I see now. Marriage is one thing, love is an- 
 other. You take the world's view after all. Perhaps you 
 think I am so phlegmatic that I wouldn't care. Perhaps you 
 fancy because I am cured, yes cursed, by this thing called 
 feminine, that with me marriage is simply a contract, just a 
 legal document, just like buying a piece of land, you get a 
 marriage certificate and it is merely a deed. Well you are 
 cold blooded indeed. With your ideas I see no need of 
 consulting Mrs. Voisine. Consult Annette, consult anybody, 
 talk of love to them all. Yes talk love, it must be a pleasant 
 subject. No one ever talked love to me, not even a young 
 lawyer so very inexperienced that he had to corner a married 
 woman in his office and begin the subject. 
 
 John. Bert, for heaven's sake ! 
 
 Bert. Yes, for heaven's sake ! I know I'm plain. I'm not 
 a pretty zvidow. Pretty widow, indeed, Annette is not a 
 widow. You don't talk love to her. Why not? She adores 
 you. Afraid, yes, I see. And then — my God — I see, she's 
 poor, — poor, — poor Annette. I understand John Manners. 
 But cold blooded, why? 
 
 50 
 
John. For heaven's sake hear me Bert. 
 
 Bert. I will not hear you. Go, go, to Mrs. Voisine, talk 
 love to her. Do you hear? 
 
 John. You act just as though you were in love with me 
 yourself. 
 
 Bert. My God do I hear right. {Amazed.) 
 
 John. Yes, that's the way the books talk. {Clock strikes.) 
 Oh! I'm late. {Exit.) 
 
 Bert. {Silent, looking around in impotent rage.) John 
 Manners has dared to say that to me — to me ! {Pauses, still 
 gazing around.) He says I act as though I were in love with 
 him — I, in love — ha — ^^ha — with him ! Oh ! my God, let me 
 think. If any other man had said that to me, I would have 
 struck him down. Ethelberta Donne, in love with a man — a 
 man. This humiliation to come to me! Me, who has been 
 so good, so steadfast a friend. Friend ! Yes I will be a friend. 
 Ha, ha, a friend. Why I feel I could throttle him with these 
 hands. Throttle him— throttle him. {She stares ahead.) 
 Oh! God — Oh! I do love him. {Sinks on a couch and sobs.) 
 
 Curtain. 
 
 51 
 
ACT III. 
 
 Scene. — Committee room in Convention Hall. 
 
 Time. — Next day in afternoon. Enter Bert dressed in a very 
 
 feminine manner zmth a distinct air of attractiveness. 
 
 Bert. Well, such a nig^ht ! {Sinks into a chair.) Talk 
 about your revolutions, why I am a whole South American 
 collapse. The insurgents won. Look at this ! (Exhibiting her 
 frills.) I am no longer a sufFragent, I am now — why I do de- 
 clare I am not even a suffragette, No (Slowly.) I am, Oh! 
 perish the thought, I am just a woman. Ha! a woman! Yes, 
 a woman, and, oh ! well, out with it, just a weak woman. 
 Such a night ! I do believe I never slept a wink. And such 
 a fright. (Looks at herself in a pocket mirror.) Actually, I 
 look hideous. So pale! Oh! just a touch of color. Annette 
 said I looked like a scared ghost. So I do, there. (Touching 
 her cheek with a little rouge from her bag.) There, no one 
 would notice that. Now, (Looking at herself carefully.) I 
 do look better. I wish (Looking around.) they would have 
 mirrors in woman's rig'hts places. Blast it, I say. (Pause.) 
 But what am I doing? I? I who — ^pah ! (Laughs.) pah! ha — 
 ha — ha — I — I actually am painting! I am getting to be a 
 bedizened female. I who scorned such wretched things, 
 tricks — mere tricks ! Oh ! look at me. Why am I thus ? 
 What has changed me? And he'll never notice. No, he'll 
 just say I talk as though I'm in love with him. In love with 
 him! In love with him, and oh! God! I am, I am. (Sinks 
 into chair. Enter Annette. She looks around in a be- 
 wildered manner when she discovers Bert in a collapse.) 
 
 Annette. (After gazing at Bert awhile.) Why Bert! 
 
 Bert. (Rousing herself half dazed.) Oh! 
 
 Annette. Whatever is the matter with you? 
 
 Bert. (Wearily.) Oh! I don't know. 
 
 Annette. Are you ill? Let me do something. 
 
 53 
 
Bert. (Rising.) You can't do anything. (Struggling.) 
 
 Annette. Yes, dear, I can, let me see. (Bert remembers 
 the rouge and starts to get it, but restrains herself.) Why 
 Bert, Bert dear, you are going to have an attack! (Bert 
 sees the rouge and laughs hysterically.) 
 
 Bert. Oh ! I'm all right. I am just a little upset over 
 things. 
 
 Annette. What things? (Bert maneuvers to get the 
 rouge but Annette thwarts her, thinking she may faint.) 
 
 Bert. Oh! things in general. (She makes another attempt 
 at the rouge. Annette again tries to intercept her.) 
 
 Annette. Now don't. Please don't. Sit down. (Pulls 
 out smelling salts and pushes Bert into a chair.) There now 
 just keep quiet a moment. (Bert's eyes search for the rouge.) 
 Now don't you feel better? 
 
 Bert. Yes a little. (Makes another start.) 
 
 Annette. Oh! Bert do sit still. (Bert resigns herself.) 
 This has been a great strain on you. (Bert jumps again, 
 thinking Annette has discovered her secret. They are 
 quiet a moment during zvhich time Bert's eyes look for the 
 rouge and Annette's hand goes to her heart.) Do you 
 think, Bert dear, John will get the vote of the conven- 
 tion? (Bert starts again, and makes another movement for 
 the rouge.) 
 
 Bert. I don't know. 
 
 Annette. But if he shouldn't, wouldn't it be awful ! You'd 
 feel it wouldn't you? (Bert clinches her hands feeling sure 
 Annette has divined her secret.) 
 
 Bert. (Defiantly.) Oh! I don't know. (5"^/// looking at 
 the rouge.) 
 
 Annette. Why, Bert, what makes you look so? You 
 aren't seeing things are you? Come now do keep quiet. 
 Here take a Little more. (Holding up the vinaigrette.) 
 You see it would be so awful for John, wouldn't it dear? 
 
 Bert. What has that to do with me? (Snappishly.) 
 
 Annette. Oh ! Bert ! Don't talk that way, please don't. 
 
 Bert. (Strugglitig.) Of course I hope it will go all 
 right 
 
 Annette. For John's sake, of course, dear. 
 
 54 
 
Bert. I don't know about John's sake. There are higher 
 things than men. 
 
 Annette. What? {Innocently.) 
 
 Bert. Annette! {Appearing shocked.) 
 
 Annette. But if you love a man 
 
 Bert. Love a man! Ha — ha — love a man. {Making an- 
 other attempt at the rouge.) 
 
 Annette. Don't Bert. There's nothing on earth like loving 
 a man. (Bert glares.) Don't you think so? 
 
 Bert. {Slowly.) Loving a man! How should I know? 
 
 Annette. {Not heeding.) You see, you get so wrapped up 
 in him, so completely wrapped up in him,(5"t'r.y Bert's look.) 
 now don't look that way, do keep quiet. 
 
 Bert. {Gritting her teeth.) I'm all right. 
 
 Annette. Well it just makes one down sick. (Bert glares. 
 Annette looks sad.) Really it does. {Pauses, while Bert's 
 eyes again seek the rouge.) You see John is such a fine 
 fellow. I'd do anything for John. 
 
 Bert. {Sarcastically and still ivith further glances at the 
 rouge.) You are very kind. He doesn't seem to appreciate it. 
 
 Annette. Yes that is the trouble. He is just like ice. 
 
 Bert. {Interested.) Oh! 
 
 Annette. Just as though there wasn't a woman in the 
 world. {Sadly.) 
 
 Bert. He seems to think there is now. 
 
 Annette. Oh! Bert! 
 
 Bert. Yes, for instance there seems to be Mrs. Voisine. 
 
 Annette. Mrs. Voisine! You don't think anything of 
 her? 
 
 Bert. {With determination.) I don't believe John has 
 had an aflfair with her, no, of course not. But how are you 
 going to stop the old cats? (Bert rises. Annette jumps to 
 prevent her.) 
 
 Annette. Oh! do be careful Bert. What would John say 
 if you got sick. 
 
 Bert. {Testily.) What do I care. 
 
 Annette. But just now. You must think of John. 
 
 Bert. Well I am thinking of John. {Executing a Hank 
 movement and almost securing the rouge.) 
 
 55 
 
Annette. And Bert you will do all you can in the meet- 
 ing. They'll all be here soon. 
 
 Bert. Yes, of course.- But you seem very anxious. 
 (Jealously.) 
 
 Annette. I am! Oh! Bert you don't know how I suffer. 
 
 Be)'t. (Astonished and forgetting the rouge.) Suffer, 
 you suffer, why pray should you suffer? 
 
 Annette. Why Bert it would break my heart if the con- 
 vention shouldn't uphold him. (Moves around. Bert sud- 
 denly remembers the rouge but Annette still remains be- 
 tween her and the rouge.) 
 
 Bert. But they will. Besides you needn't be so awfully 
 concerned. We are all interested. 
 
 Annette. But Bert it isn't the same to you. (Bert starts.) 
 
 Bert. Me, why not? (Defiantly.) 
 
 Annette. But I love him. I do, I do. (Sobs.) 
 
 Bert. (Slowly.) You love him, 1 thought you loved 
 
 Harry. 
 
 Annette. I do. 
 
 Bert. You love two men. Well that take* me. Please 
 explain. (Comes nearer.) You aren't any kind of a Morman? 
 
 Annette. Yes I am. I'm a female Morman. I'm awfully 
 sorry. You see it is like this. Harry loves me but I am poor. 
 Harry appeals to my sentimental side and John appeals to 
 my nobler nature. John has money. 
 
 Bert. But you can't marry them both. It's against the 
 law. 
 
 Annette. I don't konw. Mrs. Jones did. I suppose it 
 might be called successive polygamy. 
 
 Bert. (Relieved.) So you are in love with John and that 
 is why you want him elected. I am so glad. 
 
 Annette. Glad! (Noticing her gown for the first time.) 
 I, say Bert, what in the name oi all the saints have you got 
 on. ( Bert suddenly remembers the rouge and makes a 
 dive for it but Annette again interferes.) 
 
 Bert. (Trying to be calm, but still nervous.) This! Oh! 
 this is a new gown. How do you like it? 
 
 Annette. Why, it's fine ! And how handsome you are. 
 And your red cheeks. (Bert jumps.) Why you don't know 
 
 56 
 
how becoming they are. I suppose its your fatigue that 
 makes them so rosy. But really Bert do explain this change. 
 I am simply crazy to know. 
 
 Bert. Well, if you must know. I have made a discovery. 
 
 Annette. You have? You will soon be hke Miss Tattel. 
 
 Bert. No I won't. I am not so fond of discovering things. 
 I have just found out I am a woman, and I won't sail under 
 false colors. 
 
 Annette. And how did you find it out? (Bert makes an- 
 other attempt at the rouge but Annette sees it and is de- 
 lighted.) Oh! you have found it out with a vengeance. Oh! 
 Bert who would have supposed you would come to that. 
 (Grabs it.) Just my kind. (Dances mith delight.) 
 
 Bert. Now Annette please don't give me away. If j'^ou 
 will promise — I'll — do something for you. 
 
 Annette. You will? Oh! you dear. 
 
 Bert. Yes, I'll — I'll help you with John. 
 
 Annette. It's a bargain. (Enter Miss Earnest.) Oh! 
 how do you do Miss Earnest? (Bert grabs the rouge.) It 
 is such a nice day. 
 
 Miss Earnest. (Staring at Bert.) Yes a beautiful day to 
 do a holy work. Miss Donne you seem to be armed for the 
 fray. What a beautiful dress ! 
 
 Bert. (Annoyed.) Yes it is nice, but what has it to do 
 with the great and grand movement which reaches out to 
 the 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes, that is just what I don't see. 
 
 Bert. (Hastily.) Well never mind the dress. We must 
 see that John gets the endorsement of the convention. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Hum! Serve his interests by serving our 
 own. The vast and important issues 
 
 Bert. Require prompt and decisive action. 
 
 Miss Earnest. But I trust we can accomplish the great 
 
 (Enter Miss Tattel.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! how do you all do this afternoon? Why 
 Miss Donne how fine you look! (Bert shrinks.) And such 
 a healthy color. (Annette giggles.) Well this nice bracing 
 air does one good really. Even my cheeks show it. (Bert 
 starts and drops the rouge. Horror of Bert and Annette.) 
 
 57 
 
Miss Earnest. {Her eyes tozvard heaven.) Accomplish 
 the great 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! dear Miss Donne, didn't you drop 
 something? {Looking around.) 
 
 Bert. {With assumed carelessness.) No. did I? 
 
 Miss Tattel. {Eagerly.) Oh! yes, here it is. (Bert 
 makes an unsuccessful grab after it.) There it is. {Can't 
 help looking.) Oh! {Titters.) Why it says 
 
 Bert. {Savagely.) Here I'll take it. Annette, this must 
 be yours. {Handing it to her. Annette gasps.) 
 
 Annette. {Struggling with laughter.) But Bert 
 
 Bert. Here take it. {Shakes her Hst at Annette, who 
 calmly takes it to the intense interest of Miss Tattel and 
 Miss Earnest.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh! I didn't understand. {Titters.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. {Resuming, her hand still held out in ges- 
 ture.) Accomplish the great and good purpose 
 
 Annette. Oh! Bert, this doesn't belong to me. (Bert 
 glares at Annette, who takes her cue.) Oh! I think per- 
 haps Mrs. Voisine left it here yesterday. 
 
 Bert. Yes, I am sure she did. {With relief.) 
 
 Annette. She has such rosy cheeks! (Bert winces.) 
 
 Miss Earnest. Yes she seems like a bedizened female. 
 
 Annette. {Eagerly.) And you don't believe that about 
 John. 
 
 Miss Earnest. I believe there is a great over-rulinig 
 power which {Enter Mrs. Voisine.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! how do you all do? I wanted {Slight- 
 ly embarrassed.) to see some one. There is such a racket 
 in the hall. 
 
 Annette. And how is it going? {Clasping her hands.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Sadly.) Oh! I don't know. They are hav- 
 ing an awful time. Poor Mr. Manners ! 
 
 Miss Tattel. Oh ! Mrs. Voisine. I think perhaps you have 
 left something here yesterday. {Handing the rouge.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {In horror.) That stuff! Never. Pray 
 what made you think so? 
 
 Miss Tattel. {Confused.) I — I don't know. Someone 
 said so. 
 
 58 
 
Mrs. Voisine. Then someone must have used it herself. 
 (Glancing at Bert who seems uneasy.) You are looking very 
 well today Miss Donne. A woman of less pronounced views 
 on marriage might be open to suspicion. 
 
 Bert. Mrs. Voisine how dare you? {The others make a 
 move to go. Annette approaches Bert.) 
 
 Annette. Say dear do be careful. You know you are not 
 strong. I think I will go in and see the fun. 
 
 Miss Earnest. And we too, (To Miss Tattel.) must go 
 and be on the battle-field when we hear the trumpet call. 
 
 Miss Tattel. (Eager to get away.) Yes we must go. And 
 Mrs. Voisine if you are sure that (Pointing to rouge.) doesn't 
 belong to you I will try and find the owner. (Exit Annette 
 and the old ladies. Bert still glares at Mrs. Voisine. She 
 smiles and takes up the rouge.) 
 
 Bert. I would like you to explain your last remark. 
 (Angrily.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! it is 's make. (Inspecting the 
 
 rouge.) 
 
 Bert. Is it? I hadn't noticed. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. It is the best make, is it not? 
 
 Bert. You ought to know. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (With a shrug of her shoulders.) I, I know. 
 I never use the stuff. Do you? (Sweetly.) 
 
 Bert. (Gritting her teeth.) Use it! But I would like you 
 to explain your remark. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Carelessly.) My remark! 
 
 Bert. Yes, your insulting remark. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (In surprise.) I made no insulting remark. 
 
 Bert. You said something about marriage. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Ha — ha, did I? Well really a handsome 
 woman like you should not consider that an insult. That is 
 only to be expected. Every woman thinks of it ; except per- 
 haps you. I believe they call you a suffragent. 
 
 Bert. (Still more annoyed.) But I am not, I am only a 
 suffragette. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! and then you have changed. Perhaps 
 that accounts for your fascinating costume. Would you mind 
 telling me the name of your dressmaker. 
 
 59 
 
Bert. You don't need to know. Your costume is suf- 
 ficiently handsome as it is. It seems to attract the men. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Seating herself.) Oh! do you think so? 
 
 Bert. (Bitterly.) Yes it is quite evident. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! you are thinking of your friend. 
 
 Bert. My friend! What do you mean? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Laughing.) Your friend, Mr. Manners. 
 
 Bert. (Severely.) Well, my friend Mr. Manners. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, I really do admire him immensely. 
 
 Bert. You do? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes. He is such a fine type of a man. 
 
 Bert. He always has been. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. He is still. At least I hope he is. 
 
 Bert. (Savagely.) Well you ought to know. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I — I know. Why should I know? 
 
 Bert. You seem to have seen most of him lately. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Laughing a little.) Oh! have I? Yes I 
 have seen him — some. (Bert stares.) 
 
 Bert. You — why you 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Serenely.) Yes, you see it was necessary 
 because I — well — ha, ha. I had to talk business with him. 
 
 Bert. So we have heard. Your business had to do with 
 love. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Calmly.) Yes. He seemed much in- 
 terested in that subject. 
 
 Bert. So it seems. And you too, apparently. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh! I? I am always interested in that sub- 
 ject. 
 
 Bert. Doesn't there ever come a time when a woman 
 isn't. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Ah! you reflect upon my age. I am not so 
 old. 
 
 Bert. But you seemed much interested in the subject. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, frankly I was. 
 
 Bert. (Suddenly.) You were? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, why not. Life is lonely enough, dreary 
 enough without love. It cheers one up considerably. 
 
 Bert. It amuses you? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, vastly. 
 
 60 
 
Bert. Does it interest you for your own sake or for 
 Others ? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Both. I am human, (Coquettishly.) very 
 human. 
 
 Bert. So I perceive. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. But I don't paint. 
 
 Bert. What! (Angrily.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. In spite of my complexion. (Laughing.) 
 And I do like Mr. Manners. I wonder if he likes me. 
 
 Bert. But you do flirt ! 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Flirt ! Now I wonder if I do. Flirt — flirt 
 with Mr. Manners. (Looking at Bert smilingly.) And, oh! 
 I see, you are attractive in that costume. 
 
 Bert. And tell me, woman, are you married? 
 
 Mrs. l^oisine. (Starting.) Married, married. Why what 
 do you mean? What has that to do with the school question? 
 What has that to do with the great and glorious cause, the 
 cause with a big C such as Miss Earnest talks about? Oh! 
 I see, I see. Miss Ethelberta Donne is interested in these sub- 
 jects, the dress, the (Bert glares.) and Mr. Manners too. 
 
 Yes, I see. (Enter John.) Oh! why how do you do, Mr. 
 Manners? We were just speaking of you. 
 
 John. (Greeting Mrs. Voisine zmrmly.) How do you 
 do Mrs. Voisine. I am so glad to see you. (Bozmng care- 
 lessly to Bert and looking at her admiringly.) How are you 
 today Bert? 
 
 Bert. (Dignified.) Ethelberta, if you please. 
 
 John. Why Ethelberta? 
 
 Bert. Oh ! It sounds more proper. Bert is getting too 
 mannish for me. I'm tired of being a suffragent. 
 
 John. Surely you are not going to desert the cause now. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! no, I'll stand up for you all right when they 
 get through jawing in there. 
 
 John. (To Mrs. Voisine.) But you were speaking of me? 
 
 Bert. (Sarcastically.) Mrs. Voisine was. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. T was speaking to Miss Donne of marriage. 
 
 John. (Astonished.) Marriage. I can't imagine Bert, 
 Ethelberta being interested in that subject. 
 
 61 
 
Mrs. Voisine. But she is young, she is handsome, she is a 
 woman 
 
 Bert. For shame. If I did think of it, it would not be in 
 this foolish way. 
 
 John. (Carelessly.) But it is rather a foolish subject. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Ah ! I trust Mr. Manners you may not al- 
 ways think so. 
 
 Bert. Why not. It needn't interest you. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. And pray why not? I am a woman. (De- 
 fiantly.) 
 
 Bert. Oh! then you have an interest. (Sneering.) 
 ■ Mrs. Voisine. (Looking around, then at John, speaking in 
 a low voice.) Oh! yes, that of course is foolish, (Then 
 laughing.) isn't it, Mr. Manners? 
 
 John. (Smiling.) It does seem Mrs. Voisine that we do 
 get on rather singular subjects. (He gives Bert an admir- 
 ing glance.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Certainly I am not the one to begin' them. 
 
 Bert. But they seem to arise where you are. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. You evidently think me the goddess of love. 
 (Laughing.) 
 
 Bert. (Exasperated.) I think — well I think it is very 
 queer. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Queer; why queer? 
 
 Bert. You know why it is queer. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. But you seem to accuse me. 
 
 John. Yes, Bert 
 
 Bert. Ethelberta, if we are to discuss love. 
 
 John. Mrs. Voisine only seems to be the victim of chance. 
 
 Bert. Chance, forsooth. And you? 
 
 John. Yes, you. This subject seems to have arisen be- 
 tween you. Certainly I never suggested it. It is too absurd. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Well, Mr. Manners you must admit that 
 neither Miss Donne nor I am responsible, so therefore you 
 must be. 
 
 John. Oh ! this is too ridiculous. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, this is a ridiculous age. Are you quite 
 sure you have never thought about this ridiculous thing? 
 
 John. (Savagely.) Yes quite sure. 
 
 62 
 
Mrs. Voisinc. And you Miss Donne, you too are quite 
 free also. 
 
 Bert. I — oh! I. How can you say such things? 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. Symptoms, merely symptoms. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! it's a disease. 
 
 Mrs. Voisiiie. Yes, and very subtle. It's worse than 
 smallpox, for you cannot be vacinated. Yes even worse, you 
 can have it a second time. {Gives John a tender look.) 
 
 Bert. (Angrily.) Yes, I suppose it is a kind of inter- 
 mittent fever. 
 
 Mrs. P'oisine. (Sadly.) I have found it so. (John eyes 
 Mrs. Voisine curiously; she pouts.) 
 
 .John. Does it usually last long? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. It depends on the violence of the exposure. 
 
 Bert. (Bitterly.) Why don't you say violence of the 
 attack ? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Because it is like a photographic plate. The 
 intensity of the light (Looking at John tenderly.) regulates 
 the impression. 
 
 John. (Flattered.) You certainly are an adept. 
 
 Bert. Certainly Mrs. Voisine has had experience. (Miss 
 Tattel enters.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Yes, you are right. And now Mr. Manners 
 I must go and work for you. (Exit.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. I do hope I shall find someone who owns 
 that rouge. 
 
 Bert. (Startled.) Rouge, Oh! I had forgotten. 
 
 Miss Tattel. You are sure you don't know? (Excitedly.) 
 
 Bert. Of course not. (Nerz'ously.) 
 
 Miss Tattel. Peculiar woman, Mrs. Voisine. Very peculiar. 
 
 Bert. I should think so. 
 
 Miss Tattel. (Eagerly.) Kind that paints? 
 
 John. Don't say that, Miss Tattel. No respectable woman 
 paints. 
 
 Bert. (Drily.) How do you know? 
 
 John. It stands to reason. 
 
 Miss Tattel. But she does look so. doesn't she Bert? 
 
 Bert. Ethelberta please. 
 
 Miss Tattel. (Surprised.) Oh! well I must run in. So 
 exciting! (Exit.) 
 
 63 
 
John. What got her going on painting? 
 
 Bert. How do I know? 
 
 John. Women don't paint unless they are bad. 
 
 Bert. Oh! I don't know. Mrs. Voisine isn't bad. 
 
 John. Who said she was. 
 
 Bert. Oh! I didn't. I wouldn't hurt your feelings for the 
 world. (Insinuatingly.) 
 
 John. My feelings ! 
 
 Bert. I trust I am too decent to malign a man's friends 
 to his face. 
 
 John. I should hope so. 
 
 Bert. Oh! then she is a friend? 
 
 John. Who is? (Surprised.) 
 
 Bert. Oh! you are hopeless. (Gives a gesture of despair.) 
 
 John. Hopeless! Why am I hopeless? 
 
 Bert. Oh! John can't you see? Must I tell you? 
 
 John. I am afraid you must. 
 
 Bert. Can't you see this woman is no friend of yours? 
 
 John. Friend of mine ! I wouldn't call her a friend, of 
 course not. Friends are not made in a moment. 
 
 Bert. No, nor even friendly. 
 
 John. Come now Bert, you are certainly too hard. Women 
 are all alike, they are always down on a woman, especially if 
 she is a stranger. 
 
 Bert. I know there is truth in what you say. But in this 
 case you place yourself in an unpleasant position. 
 
 John. I don't see how. She tries to help me, takes an in- 
 terest in education and just because she is pretty 
 
 Bert. Oh ! John what nonsense. We all know you don't 
 care for pretty women. 
 
 John. (Looking at her critically.) Oh! I don't know. I 
 am not entirely insensible to good looks. 
 
 Bert. (Snappishly.) It begins to look so. 
 
 Jolm. A pretty woman, well dressed (Gives her another 
 look.) is something a man is expected to admire. 
 
 Bert. (Biting her lips.) So it seems. (Clinching her 
 hands.) 
 
 John. You don't seem to approve of it. 
 
 Bert. No, I don't. Of course I don't. 
 
 64 
 
JoJi}i. Rut I do, if the woman is worthy of it. 
 
 Bert. liul she isn't. John you know she isn't. 
 
 Jolin. No, of course not if she paints. (Bekt starts.) 
 
 Bert. Paints ! oh yes. Well she does paint. 
 
 Jolm. (Laughing.) Does she? Her cheeks are red 
 enough to be sure. 
 
 Bert. But John can't I wake you up to the seriousness of 
 your position. 
 
 John. I am quite ready to l)e waked up, but I really do 
 not think I quite understand what j'ou are driving ai. 
 
 Bert. That woman. 
 
 .fohii. There you go back to that woman all the time. 
 
 Bert. Of course I do, there is where the danger lies. 
 
 John. I see no danger. It seems to me there is a lot of 
 fuss made over nothing, and all because Mrs. "Voisine hap- 
 pens to be pretty. 
 
 Bert. No John, that is not the point. That woman is try- 
 ing to entrap you into something. 
 
 John. Entrap me. Ha — ha — ^^that is good. 
 
 Bert. John you can't help see that there must be some- 
 thing behind all this eagerness she has to help you, that she 
 is not a woman to take any cause seriously 
 
 John. Bert, if it weren't you, I surely would think you 
 were jealous of Mrs. Voisine. 
 
 Bert. Well, I might be jealous of her. I am human. 
 
 John. Jealous of a woman who paints. You — ha ! 
 
 Bert. I don't know what difference that would make. 
 There are a lot of women who paint who are nice. 
 
 John. Oh ! yes nice, of course but weak. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! but John all women arc weak. 
 
 John. Yes I fancy you are right. But why did you put 
 on that dress? 
 
 Bert. (Enibarassed.) This dress? Why, don't you like 
 it? 
 
 John. Of course I do. Do you know you are positively 
 handsome in it? 
 
 Bert. You didn't care for my looks before. 
 
 Joh)i. Yes of course. But I didn't think about them. 
 
 Bert. (Impatiently.) No apparently not. I am sure I 
 
 ; . 65 
 
don't wonder. I suppose you think I am weak. 
 
 John. {Thoughtfully.) I don't know. 
 
 Bert. Well John, I confess I am weak, awfully weak. 
 (Silence.) That is why I wore this dress. 
 
 John. When you are weak then you hang out the white 
 flag. 
 
 Bert. I think that must be about it. 
 
 John. Now old friend what has come over /ou? 
 
 Bert. {Sitting dozvu.) I reaHy don't know. Perhaps it is 
 the stress of this political fight. 
 
 John. Why take it so seriously? 
 
 Bert. Why not? Why not worry when one's best friend 
 is attacked and his character is besmirched? 
 
 John. Yes, of course dear old fellow. I know how you 
 feel, I 
 
 Bert. {Somewhat seriously.) I am not so sure. 
 
 John. Oh! yes I do. Why I have had lots of friends 
 
 Bert. Friends yes, of course you have. But John you have 
 never had but one woman friend. You can't understand the 
 difference. 
 
 John. But Bert you have always been just like a man — — 
 
 Bert. But I am not a man, nor a bit like one. I am just 
 a poor weak woman. So I came out in my proper colors, 
 that is all. 
 
 John. But you haven't told me why you think yourself 
 only a woman. 
 
 Bert. {Rising and walking about.) You would never un- 
 derstand. You certainly cire just a man, that is all. 
 
 John. Just a man, that is all. 
 
 Bert. But a fine man, a noble man, a good man. 
 
 John. A good man. Perhaps I can't help it. 
 
 Bert. You can't. Why a thing like Mrs. Voisine 
 
 John. Don't call her a thing 
 
 Bert. Why not, she is a thing. 
 
 John. Oh ! Bert don't say that. I know I am a man, just 
 a man. Perhaps there is something in a man, just a man, 
 when it is just a man, that does not like to hear a woman 
 called a thing. My mother was a woman — she was not a 
 thing. My wife will be a woman 
 
 Bert. Your wife ! 
 
 66 
 
John. Yes, my wife. I could never think of or want 
 my wife to be called a thing. You know Bert, you have man 
 enough in you to know it is not nice to say that of any 
 woman. {Silence.) 
 
 Bert. You then think of having a wife. {Drooping her 
 head.) 
 
 John. {Innocently.) Why of course. All men marry. 
 
 Bert. There are a few independent souls who seem to 
 think we females are an unnecessary luxury. 
 
 John. But then you know Bert there are duties we owe 
 the human race. 
 
 Bert. Do you mean you and me? {Quizzically.) 
 
 John. No, of course not, that is not now. 
 
 Bert. You seem very much impressed with your duty 
 towards the human race. Why don't you discuss this matter 
 with your friend, Mrs. Voisine? 
 
 John. With Mrs. Voisine ! 
 
 Bert. Yes, she may be a widow. 
 
 John. Oh ! Bert I wish you would drop her. You know 
 you are the only woman I care a bit for. 
 
 Bert. {Pleased.) Not for Annette? 
 
 John. No, of course not. She paints. 
 
 Bert. Couldn't you ever love a woman — who — painted? 
 
 John. Certainly not. Such a hopeless weakness as that 
 entirely precludes any thought of marriage for me. 
 
 Bert. Not if she accidentally erred — just once? 
 
 John. No, never. But drop that please and Mrs. Voisine. 
 You know Bert what good friends we have always 
 
 Bert. Yes I know. There is nothing a woman likes to 
 hear so much. Why, isn't she always being just a good friend 
 of a man? That's the way to talk, John. But don't forget 
 the flowers. I myself don't care for flowers. I like something 
 more substantial. 
 
 John. Yes of course. Such trivial things are useless. 
 
 Bert. Yes a great waste of money. 
 
 John. To be sure. 
 
 Bert. Don't send any to Mrs. Voisine any — more. 
 
 John. Any more ! 
 
 Bert. Yes ' any more. Miss Tattel whispered to someone 
 
she had heard you sent her a great bunch of American 
 Beauties. 
 
 John, k's an awful lie. 
 
 Bert. Just what I saiid. Don't mind it. 
 
 John. Oh! But, you are a good friend. Don't fail me. 
 
 Bert. Yes, John, I am a friend. Yes. just the friend you 
 want. 
 
 John. Thank you. dear old Bert. (5"/;^ starts.) 
 
 Bert. Yes — ^and — John, we'll let the human race take care 
 of itself. {Enter Mrs. Voisine.) 
 
 John. {Puzzled.) I am not so sure about that. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! Mr. Manners, I though you were alone. 
 
 Bert. {Hastily.) He is. You wish to speak to him of 
 course. I quite understand. He wants to speak to you. It's — 
 it's about the humani race. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. About the human race ! 
 
 Bert. Yes, he is deeply interested in it. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. He is, well so am I. {Puzzled.) 
 
 Bert. Ahem! I thought so. {Exit.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I fear Mr. Manners, I am very mucii in the 
 dark as to Miss Donne's meaning. 
 
 John. So am I. She seems very queer. I don't under- 
 stand her. She didn't used to be this way. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Sweetly.) Perhaps I can make it clear to 
 you. 
 
 John. You? Why what do you know about her? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Only what one woman knows of another. 
 
 John. You don't like her. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! yes I do. I admire her so much. She 
 is so manly. I don't wonder they call her a suffragent. 
 
 John. But that is nonsense. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I only wish she liked me as much as I do 
 her. 
 
 John. Who said she didn't like you. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Sadly.) No one. It is only too evident. 
 But then I can stand that. I am accustomed to being dis- 
 liked. It seems to be some people's lot. 
 
 John. Do you think so? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Think so ! I know so. That dreadful Miss 
 
 68 
 
Tattel teJls all sorts of lies about me. 
 
 John. That I sent you roses. 
 
 Mrs. P'oisine. But you never did. 
 
 John. That is what I said. I never thought of such a 
 thing. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. No, of course not. Why should you? 
 (With a bewitching smile.) 
 
 John. I never indulge in such frivolities. {His eyes fall 
 on the rose on her dress.) Someone I see has been frivolous. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. This, oh! this. {She sighs.) You are not 
 one to know all things. You sneer at women. 
 
 John. Oh ! no I don't. I see you have some sentiment. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I am a woman. 
 
 Johii. Some man gave you that. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Some man? Perhaps. {Coqucttishly.) But 
 then no one really likes me. It is so hard to find anyone 
 who can understand one. It is always this horrible distrust, 
 this utter loneliness that a womian feels. 
 
 John. Is it so? I thought women seemed happy. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Sadly.) They are not happy. They are 
 not. And {Energetically.) why are they not happy? Because 
 they are distrusted. Just when they feel that there may be 
 someone who can understand and appreciate them, oh! then, 
 then comes that distrust, that bitter venum 
 
 John. {Interested. ) Oh ! don't take it so to heart. There 
 are many true people in the world 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Perhaps, but I don't seem to meet them 
 
 John. Believe me now — ^there are. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Toying -with her handkerchief.) Do you 
 think so? Oh! but you have not suffered. You are young, 
 enthusiastic, brave, kind — oh ! you are — oh ! if I could have 
 met you before — could have had a real chance in the world — 
 not been so handled by fate, miserable fate — oh ! then I, too, 
 could have been happy. No, you and I just meet in this world 
 — just meet — in this worild and pass on. {Smiling rather 
 sadly.) This is of course of no interest to you. And it is 
 very silly 
 
 John. {Eagerly.) No, don't say that. T am always sorry 
 for people in distress. {Goes to her.) 
 
 69 
 
Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! you are so kind. {Just touches her 
 handkerchief to her eyes.) Of course you mean well, but you 
 know you are really only a boy, and I mustn't let my mis- 
 fortunes dim your life. 
 
 John. They won't I am sure. You are trying to help me 
 in my election and it is a small matter for me to give you 
 my sympathy in your trouble. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. But they are so vindictive. Just think of 
 them saying you sent me roses. What will they say next? 
 
 JoJin. It does not matter what they say. We will face the 
 meannesses of the world with a determined front. {Enter 
 Harry zvho starts as he sees Mrs. Voisine give John her 
 hand with a grateful look.) 
 
 Harry. Oh ! John, I have tried so hard to find you. 
 
 John. You have. What for? 
 
 Harry. {Hesitating.) I have just learned some unfor- 
 tunate news. {Looking at Mrs. Voisine.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Is it about the dection? , 
 
 Harry. I am afraid it is. 
 
 John. You are afraid. 
 
 Harry. Yes. 
 
 John. Why are you afraid? Tell us quick. 
 
 Harry. Perhaps Mrs. Voisine would not like to hear. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. I? Why not. {Showing anxiety.) 
 
 Harry. {Coldly.) Because you are concerned in it. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {Szveetly.) I con!fess I am deeply. The 
 school question is one 
 
 Harry. Yes I know. But there is another just now on 
 the carpet of much greater importance. 
 
 John. What is it, what do you mean, Harry? 
 
 J-Jarry. I mean that your reputation is at stake and I have 
 found out all the aetails. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. All the details, quite all? 
 
 Harry. Yes, all. {Silence. Mrs. Voisine a little defiant.) 
 
 John. Harry please go on. You seem very mysterious. 
 
 Harry. Does Mrs. Voisine desire me to tell all the de- 
 tails ? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. {With affected surprise.) Certainly. 
 
 Harry. Well John you were told your reputation was as- 
 
 70 
 
sailed, that it was in danger from a woman, and there stands 
 the woman. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. (Savagely.) I, the woman? You are be- 
 side, yourself. 
 
 Harry. (Coldly.) I know. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. (Laughing a little.) You hear Mr. Man- 
 ners. You hear. It is just as I told you. 
 
 John. Don't mind this. Tell me Harry what you know. 
 You have no right to attack a woman like this. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. No, leave such attacks to my own sex. 
 From men I look for kinder treatment. 
 
 Harry. Yes, and get it. (With a sneer.) 
 
 John. Harry you must explain. I will not have you treat 
 this lady in this rude manner. 
 
 Harry. Oh! John you are just a new born baby. This 
 woman has made a dead set for you 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. Can I believe my ears? 
 
 Harry. She has sought to compromise you 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. Is it possible he can be a man? {To /ohn?) 
 
 John. Harry, I can't have this. 
 
 Harry. I know and I know for certain. I have proofs. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. (Sweetly.) And they are? 
 
 Harry. These. (Showing papers.) 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. (Mockingly.) These, and pray what are 
 these. 
 
 Harry. Police records. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc and John. Police records ! 
 
 Harry. Yes, the chief of police kindly loaned them to mc. 
 Shall I read them? 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. The chief loaned them — loaned them. 
 
 John. Mrs. Voisine, can you explain? 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. (Recovering herself with diMculty.) Ex- 
 plain, why I know nothing about it. I told you I was the 
 victim of some terrible mistake — you know how those wo- 
 men have talked. I have tried simply to do my duty, and if. 
 Mr. Manners, just because I bave tried to do my duty, tried 
 to carry forward a project that has always appealed to my 
 deepest feelings, tried in doing so to assist you 
 
 Harry. You have sought to hinder. The chief is a friend 
 
 71 
 
of mine. He isn't in politics and lie knew — well he knew you 
 were the friend of the boss. 
 
 Mrs. Voisinc. It is false, false and you know it. 
 
 Harry. It is true. You came here at the invitation of the 
 boss. You are paid by him, you are — well you are a friend 
 O'f his. 
 
 Mrs. J^oisine. And what if I am. Surely he can have 
 friends. 
 
 Harry. Yes, but not such friends as you. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Me, why not me? 
 
 Harry. You forget the police records I have in my hands. 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. It is all a contemptible lie — lie — lie. 
 
 John. Give them to me Harry. (Takes flieni.) What ar- 
 rested — ^what sentenced — oh ! Harry it must be a mistake. A 
 description — oh ! Why it answers. Mrs. Voisine tell me, is 
 it true? I see it is true. You have tried to win me over to 
 some hellish thing. You! (Bert enters.) You have played 
 your part. Woman tell me why did you do it? Why did you 
 try to ruin what every man holds dear? I had not wronged 
 you, I had not injured you. I was sorry for you when you 
 said you were misjudged 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. (Quietly.) Then you believe it? 
 
 John. Why shouldn't I believe it? 
 
 Mrs. Voisine. Oh ! well the game is up. Yes if you wish 
 to know I am all it says. It doesn't matter to me. One must 
 live. I am not rich like Miss Donne. (Taking up the rouge.) 
 I do wonder if Miss Tattel has found the owner of this. 
 You have a very beautiful complexion, Miss Donne. Perhaps 
 you may yet take an interest in the human race. Good- 
 bye Mr. Manners. You have not yet perceived that Miss 
 Donne is in love with you. Better make sure. I like you 
 Mr. Manners, you are a man. Good-bye. (Exit.) 
 
 Harry. Well she is a cool one. (Exit.) 
 
 John. Oh! Bert is it true? 
 
 Bert. (Rousing herself.) Is what true? 
 
 John. What she said? (Eagerly.) 
 
 Bert. (In haste.) I should think you might judge. From 
 such a source ! 
 
 John. But oh ! Bert tell me. 
 
 72 
 
Bert. Tell you! I must go into the hall. {Tries to get 
 
 away. ) 
 
 Jolin. Oh wait, please wait. {She goes out laughing. The 
 noise and confusion in the hall increases.) Can that woman 
 be right? Is it possible that she loves me? Me — 'why I do 
 believe, I know now, yes it is true. I do love her — oh ! What 
 a fool I've been. Bert, Bert, my darling, my darling — 
 {Enter Bert with her hat on crooked.) 
 
 Bert. Oh ! John, John, we've won, we've won. They'll 
 all vote for you old fellow — Hurrah! Hurrah! 
 
 John. Oh! Bert what do I care about this. Oh! Bert do 
 you k;iow I love you, I love you. 
 
 Bert. Oil! why didn't you say so before? 
 
 Jolv.i. 1 didn't know, sweetheart. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! my, how slow you men are. 
 
 John. But Bert you haven't told me you love me. 
 
 Bert. Oh ! haven't I ? I forgot. But that doesn't matter. 
 You think I'd make you a good wife, and then, well, I think 
 you'd make a good husband and all the requirements of 
 civilization will be satisfied. That is all, isn't it? 
 
 John. No, hut that woman said you loved me. 
 
 Bert. Then she must know. But you know you can never 
 marry a woman who paints. 
 
 John. No, but what has that to do with it? 
 
 Bert. Well just this. That is mine. {Taking up rouge.) 
 
 John. Yours? 
 
 Bert. Yes mine. If you really love me I will tell you about 
 it. 
 
 John. 1 do. 
 
 Bert. Well last night I found out I was, oh ! John, I was 
 a woman. And I suffered and suft'ered. This morning I 
 was so pale — and John, dear, I did so want to have you love 
 me. {lie takes her in his arms.) And I put on my best 
 dress for }ou darling, and oh ! I was so miserable — and oh ! 
 John, can't you marry a woman who paints ? Oh ! please do. 
 
 John. My darling, I can. {Enter in great confusion the 
 people from the convention, their hats on crooked and with a 
 general disheveled appearance. They stop in amazement 
 while Miss Earnest starts forward.) 
 
 73 
 
Miss Tattcl. Oh! do tell us what has happened, I am so 
 anxious to know. 
 
 John. (Recovering himself and taking Bert's hand.) I 
 have the pleasure of announcing, ladies, that Miss Donne has 
 consented to become my wife. 
 
 Miss Earnest. Really I should like to know what all this 
 kind of conduct has to do with women's rights? 
 
 Bert. (Turning.) Well if getting a man isn't a woman's 
 right I would like to know what is ! 
 
 Curtain. 
 
 74