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 mj^ 
 
 OF 
 
 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, 
 
 BY 
 
 MRS. MADELEINE VINTON DAHLGREN. 
 
 o>*:c 
 
 
 WASHINGTON, D. C. 
 
 A 
 
 1873- 
 
Q 
 
 o 
 
 2^. 
 
 Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1873, by 
 
 Mrs. MADELEINE VINTON DAHLGREN, 
 
 In the office of the Librarian of Congress, at Washington, D. C. 
 
 LANCASTER, PA. : 
 
 INQUIRER PRINTING AND PUBLISHING COMPANY. 
 1873. 
 

 m. 
 
 jq 
 
 .-"•"¥ 
 
 OF 
 
 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 
 
 IF order is Heaven's first law, we should not regard as 
 beneath careful attention, the proper recognition of rules 
 which may tend to avoid confusion in social life. 
 
 Because we are a Republic, we are not necessarily to be 
 deprived of those amenities which render life agreeable, and 
 assist to cultivate good feeling. 
 
 Courtesy may be considered but as the mirror of charity, 
 and, although it may often become an unmeaning semblance 
 of benevolence, yet, if we assiduously cultivate, if only but the 
 shadow, we may finally hope to gain the reality. Thus, by 
 placmg ourselves in excellent relations towards others, we 
 may eventually acquire that sentiment of good will which may 
 at first have been but a mere appearance. 
 
 That which is called good breeding is actually the golden 
 rule carried into practice, and is therefore a very Christian 
 accomplishment. Since egotism is the most dreaded bane of 
 society, if we can learn so far to forget ourselves as to con- 
 sider the just claims of others, we shall have gained a vic- 
 tory over selfishness. But our intention is not to moralize, or 
 present trite truisms, but to place within the scope of a 
 few pages the true state of the present phase of Washington 
 society life. 
 
 
/^*t<^ ETIQUETTE OI" SOCIAL LIKE IN WASIIINCTON. ^ *'-- 
 
 There are several unsettled questions with regard to which 
 we do not, of course, expect or intend to do more than to 
 indicate, how it seems to us these points may be amicably 
 adjusted. 
 
 Washington society life is principally official ; or rather, 
 society here is composed, in so great a degree, of official per- 
 sonages, who represent the mechanism of the State, that the 
 social obligations and customs have become about as complex 
 as the constitutional laws upon which the official are based, 
 and yet we have no constitution, or defined code, which makes 
 our social laws as clear as our political. Yet this should be 
 the case. 
 
 No reader of history, however superficial his view, but 
 must have noticed how constantly the gravest affairs of 
 State have become complicated with the thousand seeming 
 nothings of every-day life. Nor have we been at all exempt 
 from such entangien-tents. On the contrary, every one at all 
 familiar with the past social incidents of Washington, is per- 
 fectly aware of various occasions in which animosities have 
 been engendered by the omission, or the commission, of cer- 
 tain requirements, exacted by some, and not so understood 
 by others. It is, indeed, extraordinary, that this subject has 
 not compelled a more explicit understanding, long ago, in 
 view of the many embarrassments, and some of them not 
 unimportant, that have already arisen from alternate neglect 
 or ignorance of social observances, which, in order to avoid 
 confusion, should be well understood and carefully weighed. 
 
 Nor can ignorance of the official etiquette prevailing here, 
 be construed into any want of general society training else- 
 where, because we have in Washington a very exceptional 
 basis. 
 
 When the Republic was first organized, we all know that 
 the venerated Washington and his stately wife, compelled a 
 rigid observance of social etiquette towards the administra- 
 tion in its various branches. General Jackson, when he 
 became President, first broke down the barriers of careful 
 respect, and received all comers without any formal or special 
 rules; and the consequence was, that a disorder and rudeness 
 
^^^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^^^-^ 5 
 
 characterized those receptions hitherto unknown, and which 
 no private gentleman in the country would have tolerated in 
 his own home. 
 
 If our staunch republicanism renders us unwilling to 
 acknowledge that the President and his wife are the " first gen- 
 tleman and lady" of the land, yet we may assuredly, without 
 danger to our social independence, accord them socially that 
 respectful deference which the Constitution gives to the Exec- 
 utive in the exercise of his granted prerogatives. Beginning 
 here, we may well concede to the various Departments that 
 social recognition which is in harmony with the Constitution. 
 
 Not a winter passes but we hear the same questions asked 
 over and over again, by scores of persons entering, for the 
 first time, into public life, or by strangers, who come here to 
 participate in our social festivities, who do not know what are 
 the peculiar social requirements the official element has 
 introduced. We may justly commence our remarks upon 
 these peculiar exigencies, by a consideration of the position 
 of the Presidential family. 
 
 The President, as the executive head of the nation, is 
 properly entitled to precedence. This first place is, of course, 
 accorded to him, whenever and wherever he appears in social 
 life. His social privileges entitle him to receive all calls, 
 without being expected to return any. In conversation, he 
 is addressed as " Mr. President." Some choose to use the 
 phrase "Your Excellency," but, we believe, this is a matter of 
 taste only. The present usage does not require any special 
 preliminary formalities, in order to make the acquaintance of 
 the President. During the session of Congress, he gives 
 stated receptions, and all persons who desire do so may 
 attend these levees. Upon entrance, you give your name to 
 an usher, and are announced. You are, thereupon, introduced 
 to the President by the Marshal of the District, or, at times, 
 by some other person who may have been designated for 
 such purpose, and you are immediately after presented to the 
 different members of the Presidential family, who may be 
 present. 
 
 In case you are precise, you leave your card before your 
 
/^^^^^ ETIQUETTE OK SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINCTON. <^«j^ 
 
 departure from the Executive Mansion. If the reception is 
 held in the niorniny, the usual costume for morning recep- 
 tions suffices. If in the evening, a full toilette is demanded. 
 It is not respectful to appear in less than evening dress, at an 
 evening reception given by the President. Even in making 
 an evening call, at any time, it is more proper to make at 
 least a demi-toilette. Those ladies who are fastidious, do 
 not wear a bonnet in making an evening visit at the Presi- 
 dent's. We have seen the wives of Foreign Ministers call in 
 full evening dress. If the President have a wife, she also 
 receives the first visit from every one, nor is she expected to 
 return aii\-. Of course, if she desires to be especially kind, 
 she is at liberty to make visits, although we believe it has 
 been found a .safer rule not to make distinctions. But other 
 members of the Presidential family are allowed by custom 
 to return visits, and acknowledge civilities tendered. At the 
 state dinners of the President the usual etiquette prev^ails, as 
 at other dinner tables where official personages are enter- 
 tained. 
 
 It is not permissible to decline a dinner, or other invitation 
 of a social nature, sent by the President, unless in case of 
 your own illness, or of that of any member of your famil)', 
 or of the death of a relative. When, however, it is impera- 
 tive to send a regret, explain in your note the reasons which 
 compel a non-acceptance. Indeed, it is more respectful to 
 state the cause, rather than to send a merely formal regret, 
 whenever an excuse of sufficient gravity may be assigned ; 
 so that it may plainly appear that your absence is unavoid- 
 able. This may also apply to other invitations, which you 
 desire to treat with especial consideration. Any invitation 
 of a social nature, extended by the President of the United 
 .States, must be considered, by courtesy, as a command; and, 
 therefore, it is allowable to waive all other prevfous engage- 
 ments made, which may conflict with your acceptance — even 
 if it happen to be a dinner. But in no other instance may an 
 invitation to dine, once accepted, be revoked; and even in 
 such case you should mention the nature of the obligation 
 which compels you. 
 
M^ 
 
 5^^>^.^ .-^^*'^- 
 
 ,.:^<^ ETKjUETTE OF foCIAL LIFt IN WASHINGTON. ^Z- 
 
 The President is to be addressed, in writing, as " His Ex- 
 cellency, the President of the United States." The various 
 members of the Cabinet, respectively, as " TfreiffOTrcrrabk, the 
 Secretary of State,"'^T-h^i^-HTrrn7rttbk, the Secretary of the 
 Treasury," "The Hjoae-ratrlr; the Secretary of War," "The 
 Itonorablc , the Secretary of the Navy," "The H o nombk , .the 
 Secretary of the Interior," " The HenoTabie, the Postmaster- 
 General," and "Th&Jicmaj;a.bk, the Attorney-General." The 
 Vice-President, and the Chief Justice, simply as such. Do not 
 abbreviate words in sending a ceremonious note. When an 
 official title, as in the case of Diplomatic functionaries, is very 
 long, whatever portion of the prefix you give, use the entire 
 word, and then add " &c., &c.," in an under line, which is sup- 
 posed to include all that is claimed. All abbreviations are in 
 bad taste in formal notes, whatever may be the title, whether 
 civic, military, or naval. The word "Present," written on an 
 envelope, formerly much used, is now quite obsolete, except 
 as confined to communications of a business nature, such as 
 bills sent, and the French words "En Ville''^3.VQ superseded 
 its use. Although we are decidedly opposed to the introduc- 
 tion of Gallicisms, as likely to emasculate the vigorous Saxon 
 of our noble language, yet in matters of polite usage we may 
 well continue to imitate oMr ancestors, and introduce the 
 courtly Norman phrases — they so aptly turn aside the blunt 
 edge of much that is disagreeable in this busy, material life we 
 lead. But we do object to that hybrid term, the ''Republican 
 Court',' which we so often hear. It is senseless, and an anom- 
 aly; or if it have a meaning, it is still more to be deprecated, 
 as incompatible with the spirit of the framers of our excellent 
 Constitution. We have no "Court circle," nor do we expect 
 to remain a Republic and at the same time ape " Court" man- 
 ners. We have a social, as well as a political autonomy. 
 Let us preserve these with an equal- jealous care and dignity. 
 Our official etiquette is not intended as a personal compli- 
 ment, but addresses itself to the office borne, so that it remains 
 strictly in harmony with our Republican sentiments. When 
 the incumbent loses office, he becomes again simply a private 
 citizen, whom the Republic has honored. This is such a very 
 
8 />^»t<^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^3«J/^ 
 
 beautiful pro\i.sion of our lc<jal Constitution, that wc .should 
 never lose sight of its bearing on social life and manners. 
 It is the counteracting and saving element, as opposed to all 
 hereditary distinction, and holds each man and woman intact 
 in the exercise of those talents by which he or she may regu- 
 late the individual destiny. The very words " Republican 
 Court" have a fatal sound of Caesarism; and, as we have 
 already remarked, words become facts — they arc the ex- 
 pression of the soul's aspirations. We should prove to the 
 world that Republican manners are the very acme of true 
 elegance, in their unaffected simplicity. 
 
 It has always been, and still remains a matter of discussion, 
 as to whom properly belongs the second place in social pre- 
 cedence, and equally accomplished persons differ on this 
 point. This position is claimed for both the Chief Justice and 
 the Vice President, and so many good reasons may be given 
 on either side, that until a social congress can be convened to 
 decide this, and some other controverted points, there can be 
 no decision attained. It seems to us, however, that the 
 Chief Justice exercises functions of such sacred importance, 
 and of such a nature, that the second place should be given to 
 him. He presides over the tribunal of ultimate appeal, he 
 holds his office for life, he is placed beyond all the mutations 
 incident to most other officials, however exalted. We have 
 only to read the Constitution of the United States to be im- 
 pressed with the immense dignity of his position. The same 
 immutability characterizes the functions of the other Jus- 
 tices of the Supreme Court, who hold their position for life, 
 and arc placed on a higher plane, above the political excite- 
 ments of the country. These gentlemen are to be respec- 
 tively addressed in conversation as Mr. Chief Justice, and as 
 Mr. Justice ; and it has been usual to accord them precedence 
 over Cabinet Ministers and Senators — for at times they may 
 exercise a controlling influence over the Executive. At least, 
 we have seen this precedence given, although we can recall, 
 in our earlier life, some bitter feuds on this score, between the 
 wives of Court and Cabinet dignitaries, and we never yet 
 remember to have heard of a feminine warrior retreating. 
 
/y^;<^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. f>j«-(^ 
 
 when she once was committed to open battle. So these ladies 
 may have left a legacy of contested honors, to those who 
 came after them. If so, in the name of Heaven's first law, let 
 us have peace. 
 
 If, then, for we tread on shaking ground, these Justices 
 walk in their silken robes so high, why not give the Chief 
 Justice precedence over the Vice-President? And this we 
 venture to suggest, without any derogation to the exalted 
 position of the Vice-President, whose chief dignity arises from 
 his being president of the U. S. Senate — for, as Vice-President 
 simply, he has no cares, no especial duties, no political sig- 
 nificance. His political importance is rather anticipatory 
 than actual. Yet, we must say, that we would only 
 rather avoid this difficulty at our own table, by being careful 
 not to invite these two high dignitaries -to m eet at the same 
 time. 
 
 Succeeding the President, the Vice-President, the Chief- 
 Justice, comes the Speaker of the House, who, as well as the 
 Vice-President, is a possible successor to the Presidency, and 
 although he may be, and generally is, a political power of the 
 first importance, yet, socially, he comes in the fourth place. 
 He is addressed, in conversation, as " Mr. Speaker." All 
 these gentlemen we have mentioned, receive the first visit 
 from all others. 
 
 The General of the Army, and the Admiral of the Navy, 
 occupy very exceptional positions. They fill stations made 
 for them by a grateful country, in recognition of special ser- 
 vices, and the rank they hold has been bestowed upon them 
 for life. Yet, properly speaking, they leave no successors, 
 except as the roll of fame shall proclaim these trumpet- 
 tongued to the nation. As to the social precedence their rank 
 entitles them to, inasmuch as they move, as it were, in eccen- 
 tric orbits, they may be allowed the brilliant revolutions of 
 luminaries which appear in the heavens, and disappear without 
 interruption to the general plan — in plain words, they are 
 special creations, and not an essential part of the machinery 
 of the State, and leave no successors to their places. We 
 believe they come after the four classes of officials we have 
 
lO •'V^'^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, ^;s«/^ 
 
 mentioned, and, we suppose, relatively to each other, accord- 
 ing to the order of the creation of the Army and Navy De- 
 partments by the Government. This rank, it seems to us, is 
 theirs by right and not by courtesy alone, as the General 
 of the Army, and the Admiral of the Navy, represent the 
 two arms of the Government, through whom it must act di- 
 rectly, in case of war. Some are of opinion, that these special 
 creations should hold social positions of precedence subor- 
 dinate to the Cabinet, and to the Senate. Regarding this, 
 we would ask : To what dizzy height may the Senate, ex- 
 pressing the acclaim of the nation, and vested with the con- 
 firming power by the Constitution, raise those whom they 
 delight to honor? Does this august body take these pa- 
 triotic defenders of the Republic, from the gates of the Tem- 
 ple of Janus, which these heroes have closed, invest them with 
 titles as with a shining raiment, and, at the same moment 
 limit their own poivcr of conferring this lustre of renown? 
 Does not the very precedence, which may be thus assigned 
 them — this place set apart by common consent, as in the case 
 of the Chief Magistracy — present the utmost possible induce- 
 ment the country may offer, to stimulate military and naval 
 achievement? Nor can the Senate be less in honor, when it 
 thus assists to build so high the bulwarks of the Executive 
 in time of war; and it must not be overlooked, as we have 
 already said, that no general rule can become established here 
 — for, at the death of the incumbents, the station disappears. 
 It will then anew require the Promethean spark of genius 
 aiding opportunity, to revive the rank. Until such time may 
 again come, the Army and Navy will once more be commanded 
 by the Senior Officer of the service, and routine resuming its 
 sway, the old place under the respective Departments will be 
 assigned. Among officers of the Army and Nav}^ there exists 
 a corresponding rank — the Lieutenant-General and the Vice- 
 Admiral — the Major-General and the Rear-Admiral — the 
 Brigadier-General and the Commodore — the Colonel of the 
 Army relatively to the Captain of the Navy — and so on pari 
 passu. Upon this rule a social precedence can alone be 
 placed, whenever formal or ceremonious occasions require it. 
 
/^J>5;4 ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^/^-^ II 
 
 We have now to consider the Cabinet — and here we must 
 remark, thct so much confusion at once appears, as really to 
 make the whole subject a discouraging one. 
 
 As to the Cabinet, relatively to each other, the order ob- 
 served is that priority in which these offices were created — 
 thus: the State, the Treasury, the War, the Navy, the Gene- 
 ral Post-office, the Interior, and the Department of Justice. 
 The Chiefs of these Departments, form the Executive Coun- 
 cil of the Administration, but at the same time they are 
 actual Heads of Departments of State. These functionaries 
 alike expect to receive calls, and alike claim the same privi- 
 leges, and it is only upon State occasions, such as official re- 
 ceptions, or formal State dinners, or other state ceremonials, 
 that their order need be specially defined. Yet these situa- 
 tions are of not unfrequent occurrence, and no embarrassment 
 should arise when they do present themselves. 
 
 It has been a contested point, as to who should pay the first 
 visit upon each other — the Cabinet officer or the Senator — but 
 there would seem to be a growing tendency to yield to the Sen- 
 atorial claim. This claim is based on the argument that the 
 Senator represents State sovereignty, and that the dignity is, 
 consequently, superior* to that of the Cabinet officer, whose 
 nomination the Senate confirms by its vote, and who is ap- 
 pointed Constitutional aid and adviser of the President Yet, 
 the Cabinet officer is something more than this; for, presiding 
 over an entire Department of the Government, he possesses 
 both power and dignity of function. As to his confirmation 
 being subject to the vote of the Senate, the Senator, in turn, 
 is subject to the State legislature for his appointment, and 
 this line of reasoning would place a State Senator above a 
 United States Senator, and the Great Unwashed above the 
 State Senator. Evidently, we cannot go back to first princi- 
 ples too closely in a Republic, in order to regulate our cere- 
 monial. 
 
 But we do not propose to enter the domain of Constitu- 
 tional law, but simply to explain points, some established and 
 others controverted, of social law, and give reasons, where 
 any exist, for certain customs. 
 
12 /yvfr ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. 0»j«/n 
 
 To our apprehension, leaving grave Cabinet Ministers and 
 Senators to arrange questions of relative social importance, 
 or rather their wives to do this for them — for it is women 
 who are social agitators in the Republic — we really think that 
 Senators' wives might safely yield this point to the Cabinet, 
 when all the circumstances are considered ; or if this cannot 
 be effected, at least let a compromise be made, that certain 
 privileges are to be accorded by courtesy, still to be held in 
 reserve as a rigJit. 
 
 The ladies of the Cabinet have literally the public at their 
 doors, and no one woman can possibly have health, strength 
 and endurance, to enable her to meet the heavy burden im- 
 posed. These ladies are few in number — their residence here is 
 fixed, central and well known ; while the families of Senators 
 often come here for a short period of time only, and unless they 
 call in person, or send their card giving their address, the ut- 
 most vigilance may not detect their momcntar\' presence. It 
 is true that many Senators have permanent residences here 
 also, and even live in a superior style to Cabinet officers, yet 
 we now speak of the general rule. The rapidly increasing 
 size of our society, really demands that there should be some 
 exemption allowed by custom to the higher officers of the 
 executive, with regard to the personal notice of visits. If it 
 were once understood, that to return a call by a card sent, 
 and afterward acknowledge the visit received (in all cases 
 where the person who calls has any social claims that are 
 recognized in general society), by cards of invitation to re- 
 ceptions, these ladies would then be allowed some respite. To 
 return a thousand visits in person, is a hardship none can 
 realize except those who have attempted the task. And 
 moreover it becomes an utterly senseless formality. Why 
 are these calls made by society in general? They are made 
 as a mark of respect for the elevated station, and also in order 
 to particijiate in the receptions which these functionaries give, 
 from time to time. These objects could be better met, if it 
 were permissible to send cards in recognition of \isits, and 
 if where personal visits were made, the exceptions sinipl\- in- 
 cluded, the Supreme Court, the U. S. Senate, the Diplomatic 
 
/-^Sj.^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^>j«3^ I3 
 
 Body, the General and the Admiral, while outside of these 
 functionaries, an exception was allowed; and if this rule were 
 once established, no invidious comments could be made. 
 That which renders it so very disagreeable nozv to receive a 
 card in place of a personal visit, is the knowledge that your 
 call is not treated with the same respect that is paid to that 
 of others ; but a general rule could not produce ill-feeling. 
 We see this notably in the case of the President and his wife. 
 No one feels aggrieved because his or her visit is in no man- 
 ner returned by these personages. 
 
 Again, the card receptions that Cabinet Ministers find it in- 
 cumbent to give, are of necessity so large that they are un- 
 pleasantly crowded for both host and guest. Why not select 
 some suitable public hall for these receptions, and let each 
 Cabinet Minister hold therein one, two or more card recep- 
 tions, during what is called "the season." We know of no 
 social experience so disagreeable, as to make one of a dense 
 mass of human beings, literally packed into rooms of ordinary 
 dimensions. It forms no compensation, that it is the "polite 
 world," that suffocates you ! Let any one, philosophically or 
 cynically disposed, gain, if he can, a few inches of space in a 
 corner, and become a spectator of such scenes as occur every 
 winter at our crowded receptions ; and the sheer absurdity of 
 calling this aggregation, social life, becomes at once apparent. 
 It is rather to be wondered at, that dreadful accidents have not 
 before now recalled society to its senses in this matter. We 
 have entered many a hospitable door, and looking upward 
 beheld such a surging mass of human beings on the stairway, 
 that, dismayed at the idea of wedging ourselves into this 
 fearful crowd, we have sent our wraps back into the carriage 
 from the door, rather than attempt to gain the dressing room ; 
 and only venturing far enough to pay our respects to the be- 
 leaguered host and hostess, have made a speed)^ exit — society, 
 conversation, beauty of effect, were all lost, all rendered im- 
 possible through want of space. 
 
 And this evil will go on increasing, unless some changes 
 are effected. The same controversy, as to the first visit, which 
 implies precedence, has also existed as regards the Diplomatic 
 
14 ''^'^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^j«/\ 
 
 body, who represent other countries near our own. We have 
 known some ladies of the Senate who have refrained from 
 making the first visit upon the wives of Foreign Ministers, 
 assigning the same reason, that the Senators represented a 
 State sovereignty, while the Minister was only an accredited 
 functionary from a foreign power — it being held that the 
 Ambassador or Envoy alone properly represented the 
 sovereignty of a State, and this rank is not often sent to us. 
 Yet the Minister Plenipotentiary and Envoy Extraordmary 
 certainly has a special mission, and may be said to represent 
 State sovereignty, -if not the person of the sovereign. This 
 of course involves the question of relative dignit\', and 
 this in turn involves a veritable treatise on international 
 law, and places the whole subject beyond the patience 
 of our feminine disputants. We would make the womanly 
 appeal in behalf of the foreigner, o/ courtesy to the strmiger. 
 Based upon this sentiment, which should dominate us in their 
 case, we would grant a Foreign Minister precedence, wherever 
 it can at all be given. This precedence relatively to each other, 
 rank being equal, is accorded to priority of residence among 
 us. The Dean or Z^^jr;/ enters upon his functions in virtue of 
 length of stay near our government. Yet we have Avitnessed 
 very grave offense given at a dinner table, where the host led 
 in the wife of a Foreign Minister, the fair belligerent being the 
 wife of a Senator who claimed the honor as her due. 
 
 Now, since it is to be presumed that the special object of 
 every entertainment is, to promote good-will and not to foster 
 ill-will, it is to be regretted that no definite rule as regards 
 social official classification prevails. A carefully adjusted 
 ceremonial would be no more incompatible with Republican 
 institutions than the legal classification which now exists, and 
 which must continue to endure. These have a fixedness co- 
 existent with the Republic, and our social life is their comple- 
 ment. Let us not undervalue its importance. Daniel Webster 
 called a well-appointed dinner "the climax of civilization." 
 We ought to be able to reach this clima.x smoothl)-. The 
 morning call, the breakfast, the luncheon, the " mat'uiec dan- 
 sante," the inusicale, the soiree conversational, and the assem- 
 
/Nj>!;^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, ^/^^/v 
 
 15 
 
 bly, are all and each charming in their degree as adjuncts 
 of social life ; yet, the dinner is '' tlic climax^ 
 
 Now, there are some dinner rules which are absolute, 
 although we fear at times they are either misunderstood, or 
 at all events disregarded. It seems needless to recapitulate, 
 and yet the very fact that mistakes are so often made, must 
 serve as our apology here. For instance, an invitation to dine 
 must be precise, and should be couched in some such formula 
 as the following : 
 
 M^.JONES 
 
 REQUESTS THE HONOR OF 
 
 MR. SMITH'S 
 
 COMPANY AT DINNER, 
 
 On Monday, the \st December, at 7 o'clock. 
 
 ^ 
 
 Nov. 22, '73- 
 
 R. S. V. R 
 
 When such an invitation is received, an answer should not 
 only be given in writing, but it should be sent at the very 
 earliest moment at all practicable. 
 
 We knew a diplomat here, renowned for courtly manners, 
 and for the incomparable dinners which he gave, whose answer 
 to a dinner invitation came on one occasion so promptly, that 
 our own messenger, who also returned to us quickly, had not 
 reached the house, when the acceptance arrived. And the 
 fine point on this piece of good manners was, that this was an 
 acceptance, too — not a regret, which is considered to demand 
 greater expedition, even, in the sending. This gentleman 
 entertained his friends so constantly at dinner, that he under- 
 stood the importance of prompt attention. In writing an 
 answer to a formal dinner invitation, we should be careful to 
 make it as exact as the note we have received. Indeed, we 
 should repeat this note. Our host has a title — for instance. 
 
i6 
 
 «y»^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAI, LIFE IN WASHINC.TOS. ^^^ 
 
 The President — repeat his title just as he himself may indi- 
 cate to you. In answer to Mr. Jones, you reply : 
 
 MR!, SMITH 
 
 HAS THE HONOR TO ACCEPT 
 
 MR. JONES' 
 
 POLITE INVITATION TO DINNER, 
 
 For Monday, the \st December, at y d clock. 
 Nov. 22, '73. 
 
 The reason for this repetition is to show that you have 
 perfectly comprehended the invitation, so that no error may 
 have been committed, as to time or place. We have known 
 awkward mistakes to occur from want of attention in this 
 matter. 
 
 Then, again, there should be no possibility of mistake as 
 to your acceptance, or non-acceptance. Let your answer be 
 positively, "Yes," or "No." At any other entertainment we 
 may perhaps avail ourselves of a reasonable uncertainty, but 
 not so with the dinner. 
 
 We once knew a poor little lady, " on hospitable thoughts 
 intent," who went to live in a small town in the west. She had 
 been accustomed to the well-regulated dinner at home, and 
 had been taught to consider that the highest form of com- 
 pliment, was to ask a friend to dinner. Wishing to be on the 
 best terms with her new neighbors, she sent out the usual 
 written cards of invitation to a score of guests — a formidable 
 undertaking in a country village — but she was nothing daunt- 
 ed, and all the preparations went on bravel)'. Nothing was 
 wanting to make her dinner a success, but the dreadful fact 
 that, up to the very last moment, she remained uncertain as to 
 the number of her guests. In reply to her written invitations, 
 
'^5S;<^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^/^^ I7 
 
 came a score of verbal messages, such as "They hoped to 
 come;" "Would come if they could;" "Could not teW exact/y 
 if their engagements would permit;" "If well enough would 
 come." But in no one case was a positive response received. 
 So the banquet had to be prepared on this score. The hour 
 came and passed, and after a famishing delay, which spoiled 
 everything — two tardy guests dropped straggling in — and four 
 rueful people sat down to a superb dinner prepared for twenty 
 covers. This actually took place. 
 
 This grand collapse is just what may be expected, where no 
 one knows his own intentions, and society would receive its 
 final doom did such conditions widely exist. Yet, very dis- 
 agreeable complications have arisen, even in Washington, from 
 not paying due attention to the importance of a definite answer. 
 Suppose, for example, there ^r& fourteen covers at your dinner — 
 and fourteen forms a pleasant and a favorite number, suiting 
 very well the size of the home dining-room ordinarily. Let 
 fourteen be all counted, and suppose one guest disappoints! 
 He leaves thirteen miserable souls, to tell ghost stories, and 
 wonder if the dinner will poison them ; which very likely it may 
 do, since they were all so "blue" in the discussing of it. It 
 must be remembered that the guests at a dinner table, must 
 be properly placed in advance, each plate marked with the 
 name of the expected guest written on a card, or on the 
 menu, or bill of flire, and the dinner chart mapped out, as if 
 by line and compass, so as to avoid all these sunken rocks 
 and breakers we have been considering, so as to place people 
 who will like each other in proximity, so as to give " honor 
 where honor is due," so as to keep husband and wife from 
 treading on each other's toes, so as to please those you enter- 
 tain, by giving widows and marriageable young ladies desirable 
 ''partis" to captivate, so as to put the old decanter of old 
 Madeira near the bon-vivant, so as to leave the ends of your 
 table open and unoccupied, and the central places filled with 
 your most distinguished officials! Now, how is all this, and 
 more too, to be done — pleasure to reign, confusion to be 
 avoided, exact distribution of this cornucopia of blessings to 
 be showered on your blissful guests, unless there is certainty. 
 
1 8 /Y»^<^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^/^^ 
 
 Is not life miserable, because of the uncertainty of all its I 
 enjoyments, and are we thus ever to be cheated of even 
 momentary happiness ? A thousand times — say yes or no — 
 and let the pleasure of this supreme social gratification be 
 unimpaired ! 
 
 The length of time preceding the dinner invitation, marks 
 the degree of formality which it is expected will characterize 
 the arrangements. A card of invitation sent ten days in ad- 
 vance, informs us of a state dinner. Eight days of notification 
 is the usual time; after that, even four or five days may be 
 allowed, as simply inviting to a social dinner, or even two or 
 three days, if " en petit comite!' We once had the honor to be 
 "one of seven" at such a dinner, where Seward, Stanton and 
 a foreign celebrity were entertained by a diplomat — the short 
 stay in the city of the guest of the occasion, whom we were 
 invited to meet, being the reason mentioned for the hurried 
 summons. But the informal dinner is rather the privilege 
 of private life, and we are now considering the official etiquette 
 of Washington, where State functionaries are expected to 
 invite eight days in advance. To allow so much time is cer- 
 tainly the highest compliment, since it more surely secures 
 the original number selected. The time designated having 
 arrived, punctuality is imperative. Dinner rules do not allow 
 over fifteen, or at the most twenty minutes of delay, in order 
 to await the arrival of any guest, no matter how exalted his 
 functions in the State may be. Courtesy to those present 
 requires that you give the company assembled their dinner 
 before it spoils or grows cold. So pray arrive, if you can, at 
 the precise moment at which you are invited. If you reach 
 the house the first guest at a dinner, in place of waiting until 
 some one else shall appear, rather pride yourself upon your 
 superior good breeding for the nonce, and enter at once. 
 Ladies attend formal dinners "en grande toilette," and gentle- 
 men in the corresponding and conventional dress suit of 
 black, with white " choker" — only, messieurs, do not wear 
 zvhite gloves; take lavender or an\' delicate tint in preference. 
 At times, officers of the army or navy prefer to show their 
 respect by wearing uniforms ; and we love this dress so well — 
 
/>j>i;4 ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^^^ I9 
 
 it appeals so gratefully to our patriotism — that we are always 
 glad to see it. Yet senior officers especially, having been "in 
 harness," as these old "war-horses" call it, all their lives, are 
 not sorry to get out of the constraint, and wear the dress suit 
 of black also. However, if the occasion is one of state, this 
 will scarcely be permitted. Gloves must be worn upon 
 entrance to the drawing-room, but must always be taken off at 
 the moment one is seated at the table. A recent innovation, 
 which, if the fashionable world could suspect was an economy, 
 would probably beat once scouted — but which we like any 
 zvay — permits that the gloves shall not be replaced at all, after 
 their removal at the table. This, however, may be only one 
 of those flitting fashions worn like the glove for the moment, 
 and then cast aside. Yet, do not forget that during the serving 
 of a dinner, the waiters in attendance alone wear gloves! 
 And even the waiter, serves with greater elegance, with the 
 thumb of the hand wrapped in a damask napkin. Pre- 
 vious to the announcement, that " dinner is served," the 
 host informs each gentleman which lady he is expected to 
 lead in to dinner, and introduces them to each other, in case 
 they happen not to be acquainted. Indeed, we think at a 
 dinner of moderate size, the convives should all know each 
 other, and should be introduced, if need be, by the host. 
 Dinner announced, the host offers his left arm to the lady 
 who has the highest official position present, and the hostess 
 leaves the drawing-room last, led in by the gentleman of the 
 first official distinction present. We once knew of a lawless 
 old diplomat, who zvould lead in with the prettiest young girl 
 of the company, at his own splendid dinners; but his demor- 
 alizing course met that grave reprobation it deserved from all 
 virtuous matrons ! As a just punishment for such discreditable 
 conduct, he fell a victim finally to an innocent and confiding 
 young creature of seventeen, left the country, and took his 
 American bride to his foreign home, where he lives doubtless 
 a reformed man, if indeed he still survive ! 
 
 Thus our polite host and hostess, take the central seats oppo- 
 site to each other, being supported on either side by their most 
 distinguished guests. The reason the extreme ends of a table 
 
I 20 ^j-»t<0 ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. |>>j«5^ 
 
 should be left open, no scats placed there if possible, and at 
 j all events never occui)icd by the entertainers, is very obvious; 
 since from a central position one can better care for one's 
 I guests, and promote conversation and a genial and measured 
 degree of hilarity ; while on the other hand, if guests are given 
 the extreme ends, it may seem to place them " below the salt." 
 As to the suitable service of a table, Washington has many good 
 caterers and intelligent waiters, whose attendance can readily 
 be procured, in case the home establishment needs to be rein- 
 forced — as indeed it generally does, in order to meet the re- 
 i quirements of a banquet. So. the chief care of the host and 
 ! hostess, should be to forget that the dinner is being served, and 
 j try to interest their guests. As to the menu, or bill of fare, 
 which it is better to put at each plate, for the information of 
 the epicurean appetite, we would suggest not to yield impli- 
 citly to the caterer, who will be sure to prolong your dinner 
 beyond the bounds of good taste. Especially should this be 
 the case, where a sudden acquisition of fortune gives hospita- 
 ble people the means of entertaining. Such persons, quite 
 unaccustomed to judge for themselves of what is really pro- 
 per, are readily imposed upon by those whose interest it is to 
 provide lavish feasts. A banquet must be sumptuous rather 
 in the careful choice and quality, than in the profuse quanti- 
 ty of the selected dishes. If you desire to spend money 
 without stint when giving dinners, do so rather by the artis- 
 tic elaboration of that which you present, than by an endless 
 repetition of courses which pall upon the taste. Do not be 
 persuaded to exceed ten courses — it is wearisome ; let the 
 wines be delicate, and do not mix wines in which tastes con- 
 flict. The French custom (and the French are unrivalled in 
 all matters of taste) of only presenting each wine once, is ex- 
 cellent ; it effectually prevents all inebriating excess, which 
 is so utterly disgraceful, if it happen to occur'. 
 
 A very great reform, however, has taken place in the past 
 few years with regard to the use of wines. Doubtless the agi- 
 tation kept u{> by temperance societies has had something to 
 do with this; but much also has been effected by the happy 
 introduction of light native wines amongst us, at moderate 
 
>^3\<^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^j«y> 21 
 
 prices. When the vin-dii-pays becomes as cheap here as it is 
 in France and Italy, we shall have effectually swept away the 
 intoxicating poisons which as yet are demanded. We recol- 
 lect hearing our father, the Hon, S. F. Vinton, say that when 
 he came here in 1823, the then youngest member of the House 
 and a bachelor, he absolutely dreaded a dinner, on account of 
 the social tyranny in the matter of drinking. Old English cus- 
 toms then prevailed at the dinner, and the calibre of a man's 
 brain was measured at dinner by the capacity of his stomach 
 to guzzle bumpers. For a man of exceedingly delicate nerve 
 organization, such as our own dear father had, who considered 
 a clear head as absolutely needful for a wise legislator, this 
 custom was torture. Let us rejoice that this enforced dissipa- 
 tion has given way to more Christian ideas. If we could 
 only, when we exercise hospitality, learn to set aside such 
 lavish luxury as sinful, and share with the poor of the Lord, 
 by dividing this excess somewhat with them, we would in 
 this way, if only in an imperfect degree, obey the injunction to 
 call in from the highways and the by-ways the suffering multi- 
 tude. As we write of costly banquets our pen falters, and 
 tearful visions of pale faces, and of starving children, rise before 
 us. As a Christian woman, and as we hope for mercy hereafter 
 for ourselves, we can but implore socfety, to let the crumbs 
 that fall from its table, console the Lazarus at its door. A 
 winter of unusual hardship for these little children of our 
 common Father is anticipated, and we wish some united 
 action could be had to avoid waste. But we turn our sad- 
 dened eyes from the cold, and chill, and hungry gaze without, 
 to the light and warmth, and glow within, and we again ask 
 our pleasant hostess not to be afraid of exercising her own 
 individual taste, in the matter of adornment of her table. 
 An original thought, if it is graceful, pleases the old diner- 
 out, who wearies of the monotony of conventional elegance. 
 It is too tiresome to see the same hired ornaments day after 
 day, and to go through the same unvarying routine. Rather 
 use a simple vase of flowers, than a piece of finery hired for 
 the occasion. Personal care bestowed, is more flattering 
 than the hired glitter. We once said to our hostess, "You 
 
22 /^>5^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^;,«^ 
 
 have produced a fine effect," when we were shocked by the 
 disclaimer, "And yet we took no pains!" Now, it was for 
 this very "pains," for the thoughtful care to please, we were 
 thanking her! 
 
 Our dinner-talk is over, the hostess rises first, and all pro- 
 ceed to the drawing room, where coffee, the demi-tasse, cor- 
 1 dials, and an hour later tea, are served. The hostess usually 
 I serves the tea herself, but this is not de rigneur, and although 
 I ! we love to see a hostess exercise "les pctits snns" — those little 
 j acts of hospitable care — yet we confess to being most bent 
 j i upon conversation, and to our dislike of anything that inter- 
 <^ I rupts the "flow of reason and the feast of soul." The after 
 : I dinnjr hour is precious in its genial exercise of intellect, or 
 j for music. At such times a gracious play of fancy is stimu- 
 I lated, and even the cup of tea should be used "to cheer," 
 j and not to interfere. Yet many a gentle dame presides so 
 gracefully at the tea-board, and dispenses the grateful beverage 
 with such pleasant words, that none may cavil. We have in 
 our eye now, one of our most honored matrons, her placid 
 face almost hidden by the burnished silver, the hissing tea- 
 urn, the snowy bowl of sugar, and as she handles the quaint 
 old china, we hear her say: "For twenty-five years have I 
 made tea, seated just here, at this board" — ^just twenty-five 
 years! and ''here," then, the monarchs of thought, who have 
 toiled to bring about the culmination of our nation's grandeur, 
 have sipped their Bohca! The "old families" of Washington 
 have an interest for us, which none other in the land may 
 claim, for cu^-ii" .social life has gone hand in hand with that of 
 the nation. But we have not yet bade our hostess adieu, a 
 formality we may dispense with at a sohie, but not at a dinner. 
 The gentlemen, some of them, are still in the smoking-room. 
 AVe feel sorry that they smoke so long, for charming women 
 are here, antl it is the common loss. Perhaps, like social cow- 
 ards, they retreat from an apprehended captivity. 
 
 We are at liberty to leave after the coffee, but we linger 
 still and sip our tea. However, during what is called the 
 season, social festivities become so multiplied, that one may 
 have several engagements to meet later than the dinner. It 
 
/^^3^^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL I.IFE IN WASHINGTON, ^f-f^ 23 
 
 is therefore admissible to leave as soon as the coffee is handed. 
 Succeeding the dinner, a visit which the French wittily call 
 visite-de-digestion must be made within the week. 
 
 Precedence at the dinner table is the grand subject of social 
 wrangling in Washington, and the need of a fixed rule is here 
 so painfully apparent, that those who have been taught to be 
 careful by sad experience, will simply avoid asking those func- 
 tionaries to meet each other whose claims may conflict. Yet 
 the Vice President, the Chief Justice, the Speaker, the General 
 of the Army, the Admiral of the Navy, Foreign Ministers 
 Cabinet Ministers and Senators, they and their wives ought to 
 be able to meet, and dine in peace together! Let a social 
 congress or woman's parliament be convened, composed of 
 these ladies, where, after all the arguments and respective 
 claims have been duly weighed, some positive rules may be 
 agreed upon. It is surprising what natural aristocrats women 
 are. In the army and navy, for example, the wives of officers 
 adhere more rigidly to designated and relative social rank, 
 than the officers do themselves ; nor do our American women 
 object to bear foreign titles of distinction. Indeed, in this 
 they reason wisely ; for in countries where class distinctions 
 exist, these usually imply respectable" lineage. 
 
 We would here remark, that Cabinet officers are addressed 
 as " Mr. Secretary." We do not like this, for it designates the 
 lowest rather than the highest functions which these officials 
 fill. They are in one sense " Secretaries" of the President, ap- 
 pointed by the TDxvJCUcivc M^ad and coanriii^d b) tli^ U. S. 
 Senate ; but at the same time they are active, if not responsi- 
 ble heads of vast departments of the government, with a power, 
 patronage and influence, which, if it were permanent, would 
 exceed that of many petty potentates of other countries. 
 Names become things in history, and we believe if " Mr. Sec- 
 retary" were changed to "Mr. Minister," "The Premier," 
 and so on, it would help to adjust the matter of social prece- 
 dence. 
 
 Senators are addressed as " Mr. Senator," and this is as 
 it should be. Members of the House of Representatives 
 
24 •'Wft ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^3«/^ 
 
 are introduced as the " Honorable Mr." but simply addressed 
 in conversation as " Mr.' that is, if a plain Mister can be 
 found in that popular body. But we venture to .say, from an 
 intimate knowled-^c of our rural districts, that every man of 
 them bjars a title at home. He is "Squire," "Judge," 
 " Captain," " Colonel," " General," and so through all the 
 gamut of the key-board of possible or impossible prefixes ! 
 The republic seems to avenge itself for having made the per- 
 manency of families unattainable, by piling Pelion upon Ossa, 
 during a man's natural life! And now come women who 
 claim to be Miss Doctor, and Mrs. Reverend, on their own 
 account ! 
 
 With regard to women's titles, it is becoming more and 
 more the custom to say " Mrs. Secretary," " Mrs. S.inator," 
 " Mrs. General," " Mrs. Admiral," and so on. They do this in 
 Europe to be sure, so that it cannot be laughed at as ridiculous. 
 Yet, since we are a Republic, we are supposed to stand on the 
 basis of personal merit, and distinction won for ourselves. But, 
 perhaps, when a woman captures a President or other dignita- 
 ry, she has won the right to claim the title too. Some are 
 said to "wear the breeches," " rule the roast," be the "better 
 half," and " captain of the ship." From our own observation 
 at the Capital of this great nation, something more of sub- 
 stance than the empty title, is wielded by the women who 
 represent the country here. And we should be very sorry to 
 see our fair and very able sisters, disturbed in their privileges 
 and right womanly prerogatives. How much nicer for example 
 to be the wife of a President, than to be Mr. President; for as 
 it is, one has a good share of the power, and none of the 
 responsibility. But of course we don't mean exactly what we 
 say: women often do not. We think, however, that while it 
 may be in good taste, to give a lady these titular distinctions, 
 held really by their husbands, yet it would be in bad taste to 
 use them for one's self. Certainly it is very convenient, when 
 introducing ladies, to give such nominal rank as may at once 
 clearly and distinctly designate them in the very fact of intro- 
 duction. It would often save a long explanation, or an uncer- 
 tainty still more disagreeable. 
 
/^j^.^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^j«y-i 2$ 
 
 Members of the House of Representativ^es and their wives, 
 are expected to make the first visit upon all the classes of 
 functionaries we have mentioned ; but citizens of Washington, 
 and those in private life, owe them in turn the first visit. 
 
 There is a territorial government in this city, but as it is of 
 very recent date, we really can form no idea of what its social 
 claims may be; but it seems to us, as compared to the Nation- 
 al Government, it must stand as a separate creation, and take 
 a subordinate position. Perhaps the Governor's office may 
 be exceptional to this rule ; yet, inasmuch as governors of ter- 
 ritories have never appeared in Washington society to any 
 extent, but remained in their far-off homes, we are again at a 
 loss. 
 
 If this territorial government continue in existence, those 
 who write on this theme ten years hence will be able to judge 
 better. Yet, thus far, everything connected with the manage- 
 ment of this district, has been subject to so various change, 
 that we can only exclaim, ovme pt'lncipiian grave ! 
 
 The citizens of Washington form among themselves, out- 
 side of the consideration of official life, a body of society, to 
 be regulated by the same rules which dominate other socie- 
 ties; yet as we have said before, Washington life is essentially 
 official life, and we can scarcely separate the two. 
 
 When you attend a reception, do not omit to leave your 
 card with the usher in the hall. In some houses it is the cus- 
 tom always to give your name to the usher, who then an- 
 nounces you a Jiaiitc voix. Of course, in a society where so 
 many strangers meet, and which is so cosmopolitan in its 
 nature, it may often be essential to announce in this way. In 
 public receptions, it is entirely so; but we must enter a protest 
 against the awkward usher, who murders your name out- 
 right, cuts you into halves and shows you no quarters. As 
 to those foreigners who have a quartering to their names, they 
 must be fearful sufferers! Let the usher be well trained to 
 announce, or dispense with his services in this respect alto- 
 gether, as an unmitigated nuisance. A gentleman of distinc- 
 tion once came into our presence with a sigh of relief as we 
 greeted him by the well-known cognomen. 
 
26 'Wfr KTIQUErrE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^j«/^ 
 
 " How good it is," said he, " to hear ni)- name once more. 
 I began to be uncertain as to my own identity." 
 
 We laugh, and ask what he means? "Well, simply this: 
 I have been attending receptions all the morning, and have 
 heard my name so mangled by the ushers, and have found 
 myself repeated under so many different titles, that I am 
 bewildered." 
 
 Use a plain card, if you do not wish to be supposed fanci- 
 ful, and never have it printed. Great men, whose autographs 
 are precious, confer a favor certainly by writing the name on 
 the card, but it is more convenient and more elegant for 
 society in general, to have the name engraved on the card. 
 It is also very comfortable for old ladies, who read through 
 glasses, if these letters are plain and legible. 
 
 The clergy take a signal position, and we think should 
 always be accorded ///^ place of honor when present in society. 
 They are the Envoys of a Higher Power, and have the most 
 important and sacred mission of all. We were once at a dinner 
 where a clergyman was present, and there were Foreign 
 Ministers and Cabinet Ministers, Senators and others of 
 dignity, when the venerable Doyen of the Corps Diplomatique, 
 asked the hostess to assign the place at her side for which he 
 had been designated, to the clergyman. And this wise old 
 gentleman, who understood so well all matters of social cour- 
 tesy, decided on true principles, based upon that Divine law 
 which is above human law, and goes beyond it. 
 
 Very aged persons, also, should be treated with peculiar 
 respect. God has stamped upon them the majesty of years, 
 and we must give them a deferential place. At this moment, 
 the nation beholds a touching example of filial respect in the 
 family of its Chief Magistrate; and it seems to us a Providen- 
 tial spectacle, at a time when insubordination to parents, is a 
 growing evil throughout the land. Many years since, a friend 
 of ours, the wife of a public man, was led in to dinner by the 
 then President. The aged Father of His P2xccllency being 
 present, it was made a question, if the President should })re- 
 cede his own father? By right as President, yes — by filial 
 courtesy as son, no. P^xceptions to ordinary claims of social 
 
'^>5~t^ ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^/^^ 27 
 
 or even official precedence, may also be allowed by courtesy 
 to strangers of distinction who make us passing visits, to 
 remarkable worth and merit, such as philanthropists and other 
 benefactors of mankind exhibit, or to extraordinary and ac- 
 knowledged scientific, artistic or literary excellence. Defer- 
 ence to these conditions, illustrate the existence of that ad- 
 vanced state of civilization it is our aim to acquire. 
 
 In making visits, always send in, or leave your card. At 
 receptions, the usher takes your card. At other times, the 
 person called upon not being at home, you turn down the right 
 hand upper corner of the pasteboard to indicate that you came 
 in person ; and if the visit is intended for the various members 
 of a family, you either give several cards or leave one with the 
 entire right side folded over. The choice is immaterial. When 
 you go away from the city altogether, do not omit to send a 
 card upon which P. P. C. is written on one of the lower corners. 
 A prompt notice should be taken of the first visit received, and 
 when such visit inaugurates an acquaintance, the card or call 
 should be at once honored. An intervening period of three days 
 marks high-breeding, as it evinces your pleasure at forming the 
 acquaintance, so that a return visit, within a day or so, is there- 
 fore a delicate compliment. With regard to entertainments, 
 other than the dinner, one is at liberty not to send a written 
 answer of acceptance ; but in case of non-acceptance, it is cer- 
 tainly more polite to send a regret. Of course, if an answer is 
 requested (the R. S. V. P. means the same thing), an answer 
 should be given accordingly. When one has a small house, it 
 is important to know what number of guests may be expected, 
 and alv/ays more pleasant for a hostess to be thus assured. In 
 making calls, the usual visiting hours are from two until five. 
 This portion of the day is particularly set apart for formal calls. 
 An evening visit implies some degree of social acquaintance, 
 and should never be made as a first call, unless you are invited 
 to come unceremoniously. 
 
 Persons in private life, having no official position in Wa.sh- 
 ington, are in a measure exempt from the necessity of making 
 the official round of visits, or of giving large entertainments ; 
 
28 
 
 /Nj>^4 ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, ^-f-f^ 
 
 yet any one who enters into general society here, must of 
 course conform to the official rules of precedence and etiquette. 
 Private life here has its advantages as well as itsdisachantages. 
 It is pleasant to select your own company, even though choice 
 extend to but a limited number; and the private citizen is free 
 to do this. Washington will certainly become more and 
 more a central social point of attraction to persons of wealth 
 and refinement who can exercise freedom of selection, and 
 who will also add to the already charming variety of society. 
 Such persons must surely appreciate our social advantages 
 over all other cities of the Union. 
 
 Young people amongst us have never as a common rule been 
 allowed to tyrannize over society, as they do in New York 
 and in other cities; and the ineffable vulgarity of coteries pre- 
 sided over by young ladies, and not dignified by the presence 
 of their seniors, has not, we believe, had much if any encour- 
 agement here. Probably the presence of so many personages 
 of importance in the State, assists to keep the young in their 
 proper place. One may here see, what we fear is not so usual 
 elsewhere, young ladies remain standing as they should do, 
 until the mother or married lady may be seated, and at all 
 events an appearance of subordination, which speaks well for 
 the future. Our young people are not often inxited to dinners, 
 but left to participate in the simpler forms of gaiety. We have 
 heard it said, that a woman did not enjoy a dinner-conversa- 
 tion, or play a good hand at whist, under thirty ! 
 
 On New- Year's day, ladies are not expected to make visits. 
 Gentlemen call to pay the compliments of the season, and 
 ladies stay at home to welcome visitors. 
 
 We think our ladies make a mistake, and also fatigue them- 
 selves unnecessarily, by receiving standing. This is a great tax 
 on the strength, and much more formal than is apt to be agree- 
 able. In very large receptions, a lady who receives can scarcely 
 be seated; but in the usual morning at home, would not our 
 guests remain longer, and be more at ease, if seated in pleas- 
 ant circles, rather than left standing in formal groups in the 
 middle of the room. Magnetism counts for something the 
 world over, and stiff constraint destroys electric currents. 
 
/-^4 ETIQUETTE OF SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON. ^;,«^ 29 
 
 As to the refreshments proper to provide at a morning 
 reception, the choice is quite optional here, as in other of our 
 cities. A cup of chocolate is however usually offered, and 
 many still preserve the old custom, and add other refreshing 
 drinks and many tempting comfits. 
 
 The idea of writing this little pamphlet was first suggested to 
 us by a distinguished personage here, who thought something 
 of the kind would be well received, and ought to be published. 
 The very limited scope we have given ourselves, shows for 
 itself in the size of this little essay; for we have not proposed 
 to attempt the history of social customs since preadamitic 
 periods, nor yet to instruct in all the rules of a manual of good- 
 manners, nor to give the rounded polish of a Chesterfield , but 
 simply to indicate certain peculiarities of Washington society. 
 
 We have heard some of the subjects we have just hinted at 
 commented upon from our first acquaintance with official 
 social life here ; and although we have alluded to many little 
 matters, which must seem rather puerile and perhaps un- 
 worthy of serious attention, yet these are the very questions 
 one asks most often upon first arrival in Washington. We do 
 not endeavor or presume to instruct, but .rather desire to reca- 
 pitulate mooted points, show how troublesome their unsettled 
 condition makes them, and ask for^a woman's congress, or 
 "kitchen cabinet," to define them in the interest of society. 
 
 So far as we have noted some customs, we have preferred to 
 leave as many more unnoted, on the supposition that our 
 reader forms a "court that knows somethingf." 
 
3XXO 
 
 As far back as 1825, the President held a levee every other 
 Wednesday evening, and it was customary to make the an- 
 nouncement in the National Intelligencer. The hour was at 
 that time from 8 to 10 P. M., and it was usual to offer some 
 refreshments, which were placed on trays, and carried about 
 the rooms by waiters. Gentlemen then appeared in small- 
 clothes, which was the accepted full dress of the period ; and 
 we remember hearing our father say that so great was the 
 precision, that although some gentlemen occasionally wore 
 boots, it was considered more proper to go in silk stockings 
 and pumps. Of course the usual dress suit of black has long 
 since taken the place of this more courtly, though less con- 
 venient, style of dress. It was not at first the custom to have 
 music — except on New Year's day, when a government band 
 discoursed patriotic airs ; but in the time of Mr. Adams, and 
 after the East Room was opened in 1828, music and dancing 
 enlivened these receptions, and splendid suppers were given. 
 So long as such degree of exact form marked these receptions 
 as to assure only the presence of well-bred people of decor- 
 ous manners, this style of entertainment prevailed; but finally 
 such excesses took place in the greater latitude that was af- 
 terward allowed, as to make it unadvisable either to have 
 dancing or to give suppers, except at invited entertainments — 
 but of these, we remember some very memorable and elegant 
 receptions that have been given, on special occasions, at the 
 Executive Mansion. 
 
 We desire to append the following letter from John Quincy 
 Adams, w^ritten when Secretary of State, and addressed as a 
 private communication to the Vice-President of the United 
 
/^J>t^ APPENDIX ^/-f^ 
 
 States. It strikes us that the eminent writer is somewhat 
 illogical when he speaks of the "whole affair" as "of very 
 little importance," while at the same moment he shows by 
 the very subject matter of his letter the " importance " then, 
 as now, of adopting some more fixed and exact code. Until 
 this is done, it will become more and more difficult to axoid 
 misconstructions and un[)leasant relations, in a state of soci- 
 ety where the social intercourse cannot be separated from 
 official position and its exigencies. Even the public service 
 requires this : 
 
 Washington, Dec. 29, 1819. 
 The Vice-P resilient of tlie U. S. 
 
 Dear Sir: It has been suggested to me, that some of the mem- 
 bers of the Senate, entertaining the opinion that a formal visit in 
 person or by card is due from each of the executive departments, 
 at the comrnencement of every session of Congress, to every Sena- 
 tor upon his arrival at the seat of government, have considered 
 the omission on my part to pay such visits, as the withholding 
 from them of a proper mark of respect, or even as implying a pre- 
 tension to exact such a formality from them. Disclaiming every 
 such pretension and every such claim on my part, I take the liber- 
 ty of submitting to you the following explanation of the motives 
 which have governed my conduct in relation to this subject. 
 
 I have invariably considered the government of the United 
 States as a government for the transaction of business, and that 
 no ceremonial for the mode or order of interchanging visits 
 between the persons belonging to the respective departments in it 
 had ever been established. I was myself five years a member of 
 the Senate, and at four of the five sessions of Congress which I 
 attended, was accompanied at this place by my wife. During that 
 time, I never once received a first visit from any one of the heads 
 of departments, nor did my wife ever receive a first visit from any 
 one of. their ladies, except perhaps once, when she was sick, from 
 Mrs. Miulison. We always called upon them soon after our arri- 
 val at Washington, not from any opinion that it was an obligation 
 of duty, but because we understood and believed it to be usual, 
 and because we did not think it improper. We made an excep- 
 tion, after the first session, with regard to Mr. Gallatin, who, 
 never having returned my first visit, was supposed not to incline 
 to that sort of intercourse with us. 
 
^Sj^ APPENDIX. ^>f-^ 
 
 When I came to reside at this place, two years since, I was un- 
 der the impression that the usages, with regard to visiting, were 
 as I had known and practised them ten years before — that, as a 
 member of the administration, I had no sort of claim to a first 
 visit from any member of either house of Congress, but that neither 
 had any member of Congress any claim to a first visit from me — 
 that the interchange and order of visits was entirely optional on 
 both sides, and that no rule of etiquette whatsoever existed, which 
 required that either party should pay the first visit, or indeed any 
 visit, to the other. 
 
 In the course of the winter of 1817 — 18, two members of the 
 Senate, for both of whom I entertained the highest respect, and 
 with one of whom I had had the pleasure of sitting several years 
 in the Senate, called at my office, and informed me that there was 
 a minute of a rule agreed upon, not officially but privately, by 
 the members of the Senate of the first Congress, that the Senators 
 of the United States paid the first visit to no person except the 
 President of the United States. I observed to them, that, as during 
 five years' service as a Senator, I had never seen or heard of this 
 rule, I could hardly consider it as having been much observed ; 
 that I could, however, have no possible objection to the Senators 
 prescribing to themselves any rule of visiting which they might 
 think proper. But, I asked them if they understood the rule as 
 implying an order that other persons should first visit them? They 
 answered, if I recollect right, by no means. " And I supposed they 
 viewed the whole affair as I did, that is, of very little importance. 
 I have, therefore, paid no visits of form to members of the Senate ; 
 and, although always happy to receive and return the visits of 
 those who pleased to call upon me, and happy to invite to my house 
 every member of the Senate, whether he had or had not paid me 
 a visit, who would give me the honour of his company, I yet al- 
 ways respected the motives of those who declined paying me any 
 visit, or even frequenting my house at all. I exacted nothing 
 from them, which they might think incompatible with their digni- 
 ty. I presumed they would exact nothing from me, not within 
 the line of my official duty. I soon learned, that, if I should make 
 ifa rule to pay the first visit to every Senator at each session, the 
 same compliment would be claimed, if not by all, at least by a 
 large proportion of the members of the House of Representatives; 
 and I could find no republican principle which would, to my own 
 mind, justify me in refusing to the members of one house that 
 
/y»^<^ APPENDIX, ^i«/^ 
 
 which I should yield as due to the members of another At the 
 commencement of each session, I have visited the presiding mem- 
 ber of each house, not from a sense of obligation, but of propri- 
 ety. I have not felt it my duty to pay first visits to any indivi- 
 dual member of either house; nor has it entered my imagination, 
 that a first visit was due from any member of either house to 
 me. 
 
 If there is a body of men upon earth for whom, more than for 
 any other, I ought to cherish every feeling of attachment, super- 
 added to every sentiment of reverence, it is tne Senate of the Uni- 
 ted States. Its importance and dignity, as one of the branches 
 of the legislature, as one of the component parts of the supreme 
 executive, and as the tribunal of official honour and virtue, can- 
 not be more highly estimated by any man than by me. My father 
 had the honor of being its first presiding officer. I had, for five 
 years, that of being one of its members ; and through every suc- 
 cessive administration of this government, from the establishment 
 of the national constitution to this time, I have received frequent 
 tokens of its confidence, which can never be obliterated from my 
 memory, and claiming all my gratitude. For every individual 
 member of the body, I feel all the respect due to his public char- 
 acter ; and there is not one member towards whom I entertain a 
 sentiment other than that of regard and esteem. If, therefore, 
 the principle upon which I have omitted to pay them first visits 
 of form should ultimately fail of meeting their .approbation, it 
 will be serious cause of regret to me ; but, at all events, I hope 
 they will impute it to any other cause than intentional disrepect to 
 them. 
 
 I take this occasion of observing that, with my approbation 
 and advice, my wife has acted upon the same principle with regard 
 to the ladies connected with members of the Senate or House of 
 Representatives, who have visited this place during the sessions of 
 Congress, that I have pursued in the relation to the members 
 themselves. She has paid no first visits to ladies with whom she 
 had not the advantage of being acquainted. She has received 
 with pleasure, and returned the visits of all ladies who have called 
 upon her, whether connected with members of Congress or other- 
 wise. She has visited her friends on the usual footing of private 
 citizens, without pretension to claim, and without being sensible 
 of any obligation to pay, any first visit. She would have paid, 
 with much pleasure, this compliment to the ladies of members of 
 
r^r^ APPENDIX. ^>/^-^ 
 
 Congress, had it been proper, in her opinion, to confine it to them. 
 But she was aware that many other ladies, equally strangers to 
 her, and, though not immediately allied to members of Congress, 
 of character and standing in society equally respectable, occasion- 
 ally came to spend some time in the city ; and knowing it to be 
 impossible that she should visit them all, she declined the invi- 
 dious task of discriminating whom she should and whom she 
 should not first visit. If, in observing this rule, she has deviated 
 from the practice of some other ladies, in situations similar to her 
 own, she has conformed to that which she constantly observed 
 when she was herself the wife of a Senator at the seat of govern- 
 ment. She then always called upon the ladies of the heads of 
 departments when she came to Washington, and always under- 
 stood it to be the common practice. She lays no claim, however, 
 to the same attention from any other lady; and, having no pre- 
 tension to visits of etiquette herself, thinks herself amenable to 
 none from others. She has invited to her house, without waiting 
 for formal visits, every lady of a member of Congress to whom 
 she had not reason to believe such an invitation would be unwel- 
 come ; and, while feeling it as a favour from those who have ac- 
 cepted her invitations, she has only regretted the more rigorous 
 etiquette of those who have declined, inasmuch as it bereft her of 
 the happiness which she would have derived from a more success- 
 ful cultivation of their acquaintance. S+ie would regret still more 
 the error which should, in any instance, attribute her conduct to 
 a pretension of any kind on her part, or to a disregard of what is 
 due from her to others. 
 
 I have thought this candid explanation of the motives of my 
 conduct particularly due to those members of the Senate who, it 
 has been intimated to me, have thought there was something ex- 
 ceptionable in it. I submit it to your indulgence and to their 
 candour, with the sincere and earnest assurance of my perfect 
 respect for yourself and them. 
 
 John Quincy Adams. 
 
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 SOCIAL LIFE IN WASHINGTON, 
 
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 MIS. MikDELlIME ¥I1T0M BJkHLQElM. 
 
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 WASHINGTON, B. C. 
 
 J. A. WINEWEROER. 
 
 1873. 
 
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