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DOMESTIC -
HAPPINESS PORTRAYED;
A R E POSIT OR Y
FOR
THOSE WHO ARE AND THOSE WHO ARE NOT MARRIED : -
BY THE
Most CLASSIC AUTHORS, ANCIENT AND MODERN, VIZ.
Addison, STEELE, Johnson, KNox, NEWTON, AND OTHERS, who HAVE
/
DISCUSSED, WITH A GAY or GRAVE PEN, THE PRESENT AND FUTURE
H APPIN ESS OF MAN KIN D.
Domestic happiness, thou only bliss
Of Paradise, that has survived the fall! COWPER.
º INCLUDING
TWO PRIZE E S S A. Y. S.,
TOGETHER WITH
SEVERAL ARTICLES WRITTEN EXPRESSLY FOR THIS WORK.
jº e u = }} or #:
PUBLISHED BY CHARLEs HUBBELL,
67 Pearl-Street.


1835.
Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1833, by CHARLE:
HUBBELL, in the Clerk’s Office of the District Court of the Southern
District of New-York. -
3As, v AN NORDEN, PRINTER,
49 WILLIAM-STREET.




H&
734
, D47
2
2455
P R E F A C E. 27-
_º
THE work which forms the basis of the present
volume was compiled about thirty years since, and is
now out of print. The table of contents is its best
and briefest preface. The celebrity of the authors,
whose writings, as is seen, have contributed to the
compilation, was then, and still remains, an unques-
tionable commendation to public favour. If there have
since arisen any whose names would amount to a
better endorsement of its merits, the editor has to con-
fess himself ignorant of them : though he has, as he
fancies, added strength to the list, by selections from
the writings of such approved modern authors as were
pertinent. The claim which such authority makes to
the attention of the reader, and the promise which
such a subject gives, of affording entertainment and
instruction, are fit to be insisted on. “Amusement
and instruction truly estimable,” says the original
compiler, “present themselves from the pages of a
Cicero, a Pliny, a Plutarch, among the ancients; of
an Addison, a Steele, a Johnson, a Hawksworth, a
Fordyce, an Aikin, and others, among the moderns,

279158
iv. PREFACE.
eminent in the walk of literature and of life.” The
promise comes down to us without abatement. Thirty
years additional age upon these treasures has proved
only, that, like good wine, they improve the longer
they are preserved.
Pains have been taken in the present compila-
tion to counteract, by selections from modern pens,
such reflections on the character of the female sex,
and such allusions to the state of society, as are local,
and which the improvements of time and the eleva-
tion of mental culture have rendered incorrect and
unjust. Flanked, therefore, by such respectable and
tried authority, the editor confidently echoes the hope
of the original compiler, that he may both “contri-
bute to the improvement and felicity” of the married,
and lead such as are eking out their pilgrimage in sin-
gle blessedness, in the most sure and profitable way
of doubling it.
º




ADWERTISEMENT.

IN order to increase the worth of the volume, the
publisher was induced to offer two prizes of forty dol-
lars each for the best Original essays on topics con-
nected with the design of the work. The proposal
called forth a large number of able competitors. The
successful articles will be found in their places; in
addition to which, the compiler gratefully acknow-
ledges the receipt of four valuable original essays,
which, together with the prize writings, both enrich
and Americanize the volume, and he trusts render it
worthy of the extensive patronage he anticipates.
1 *
- C O N T E N T S.
PAGE
Preface ...................................................................... 3
Advertisement................ 5
Prize essay, by Miss Lucy Hooper—domestic happiness, or a
contrast between the state of matrimony and that of celibacy 13
Prize essay, by Stephen Congar—religion and virtue necessary
to constitute happiness in the marriage union.................... 21
Original essay—are not religion and virtue essentially neces- -
sary to constitute a real marriage union ? and can there be
happiness where such union does not exist,?—Miss Lucy
Hooper..................................................................... 25
Original essay—matrimony and celibacy contrasted............. 33
Original essay—on domestic happiness............................... 43
Comparative estimate of the two sexes considered, or the female
sex windicated—Melmoth Editor............................. ...... 48
On the nature and end of marriage, and the means by which
that end is to be obtained—Johnson............................... 56
Personal beauty produced by moral sentiment—Hawksworth. 62
The ladies directed in the choice of a husband—good nature
described—Hawksworth ................................. • - - - - - - - - - - - - 67
Directions to ladies for their conduct to a husband–Hawks.
worth ......................................................... ............. 73
Of love—characters of various lovers—Connoisseur............. 78
On match-making—of match-makers by profession—account
of a droll accident occasioned by the mistake of a match-
maker—Connoisseur......................................... ........... 82
The character of a jealous wife—Connoisseur.......... * * * * * * * * * * * * 85
On excessive neatness in a wife, with a letter from a husband
complaining of this evil—Connoisseur............................ 89
Jealousy described—Addison................................ ........... 93
Jealousy—how to be allayed—Addison.............. ............... . 99
Cautions concerning marriage—story of Eugenio–Gent. Mag. 105
The causes of disagreement in marriage—Johnson................ 109
A letter from a father to his son on the choice of a wife—Aikin 114.
A letter to a lady on the choice of a husband—Spectator....... 122
s



viii CONTENTS
PAGE
On Conjugal affection—Mrs. Griffith................................. 125
On temper—Mrs. Griffith................................................ 130
Observations on the impropriety of marrying a woman, where
we know her affections are engaged by another, with an
affecting case of matrimonial infelicity resulting from this
cause–Babbler................................................. - - - - - - - - 136
Strictures on the absurdity of those ladies who, through a
fondness for admiration, admit the visits of a man who
openly manifests a design upon their peace and reputation—
Bubbler.......................................................... ........ 140
On the dangerous inattention which ladies sometimes testify
to the morals of their lovers—Babbler........................... 144
Thoughts upon a wedding—the marriage of an amiable ne.
phew—Babbler................ .......................................... 149
On the importance and excellence of maintaining an inviolable
affection in the married life—Babbler.............................. 153
Women cautioned against flattery—Steele. ....................... 160
A letter from a lady to her young friend on her marriage—Mrs.
Rawson.................................................................... 164
From the same to the same—upon the birth of a daughter—
Mrs. Rawson............................................................. 16S
On the tyranny of husbands—Pliny’s letters to Calphurnia—
Tattler and Melmoth................................................... 172
Marriage, by whom ridiculed—Cicero's Letters to Terentia.... 176
An allegory for the use of those ladies who have lost the affec-
tions of their husbands, and are willing to regain them—
Tattler..................................................................... 181
Love and lust-distinguished—the advantages of matrimony—
, Tattler........................................................... ... 184
A picture of domestic life, in which the greatest quarrels that
happen between married people are proved to spring in gene.
ral from the most trifling circumstances—a humorous dia-
logue between two venerable lovers—Anon..................... 188
The necessity of paying a regard to trifles, in order to procure
happiness in the marriage state—Tattler......................... 194
On the importance of the art of pleasing, with criminating let-
ters between a husband and a wife—Mirror...... --------------------------- 197
The happiness resulting from kind and mutual attentions, ex-
emplified in the history of Horatio and Emilia—Mirror...... 202
Cleora and Aurelia contrasted—Lounger............................ 207
A caution addressed to married persons, as united by the brittle
tie of human life—from the confessions of Lucillus








CONTENTS. ix
PAGE
On economics as a science--Know.................................... 216
A letter to a very good-natured lady, who was married to a very
ill-natured man-student..............................…...... 219
On matrimonial quarrels—Student.................................... 223
On the choice and qualities of a wife—Anon........................ 227
Conjugal love—a moral story—Museum.......................... ... 231
The temple of Hymen—a vision—Museum......................... 235
A letter to a young lady on her going to be married to a rich
old man-Gent. Mag.............. ................................... 240
Marriage of Hymenaeus and Tranquilla—Johnson.................. 242
Marriage, a blessing or a curse, as it is wrongly or rightly un-
derstood.................................................................. 246
Virtue, cheerfulness, and constancy absolutely necessary to
make the married state happy—Manners, Clarissa, &c........ 250
On the brutality of husbands—Spectator, Humorist, Plain
Dealer, &c,............................................................... 254
The duty of a good wife................................................. 259
On the same subject—Conduct of a Married Life................ 263
Matrimony the most important step a man can take in private -
life—Museum............................................................ 267
The affecting and instructive story of Constantia.................. 271
On female accomplishments—Fordyce............................... 276
Connexion of the two sexes—the grounds of it—the moral ends
and duties of marriage—Fordyce......... . . . . . . . . . . . . . ... 280
Connexion of parents with their children—the authority
founded on that connexion—duties of parents—Fordyce -------- 285
Conjugal precepts, translated from Plutarch—Fordyce.......... 289
On compulsory laws respecting marriage—with the story of an -
unfortunate separation at Rome—Bee............................ 294
A letter from a young lady, with a description of the maid's -
husband—World........................................................ 297
Virtue tried and triumphant, in the stories of Scipio and
Amanda—Valerius Maximus, Livius, &c.,..................... . 301
Caution to young ladies, especially young heiresses—or the ill
effects of forming imprudent connexions, exemplified in the
story of Harriet Darnly—Mrs. Bonhote............................ 310
On the snares of personal beauty, and the necessity of cultiva- -
ting mental excellence—Mrs. Bonhote...................... . . . . . . 316
A vision—in which various classes of lovers pass in review be. -
fore the author—Anon................................................. 319
Conjugal and domestic happiness—a dialogue between Leander
and Eugenio–Philanthrophist............, ** * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ..... 32







X CONTENTS.
- PAGE
Letter to a young gentleman upon his marriage—Mrs. Tharle 328
Pleasing views of matrimomy—Anon................................. 332
Letter exhibiting the grand basis of a happy union, and an esti-
mate of the advantages and disadvantages of marriage—Anon. 336
Testimony of a distinguished divine to the excellence of the
marriage union, in a letter to a young lady–Newton......... 340
Danger of a lady's fixing her choice in love—Mrs. Chapone..... 342
Having a regard to money, in looking out for a wife—Newton. 346
How to unite domestic economy, liberality and ease, in a letter
from a lady to her niece—Mrs. Chapone.......................... 348
Tenderness of friendship—a necessary ingredient in the mar- -
ried state................................................... . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 352
Unhappy marriages....................................................... 357
Marriage generally the most happy when preceded by long
courtship—Addison............................. * - - - - - - - - - - - - --------------- 359
Reflexions on errors in marriage....................................... 363
The marriage state rarely unhappy but from want of judgment
or temper in the husband–Steele.................................. 367
Differences of temper in the sexes—Addison........................ 370
Refinement of conjugal love............................................ 374
Cruelty of parents in the affair of marriage—Addison............ 377
Miseries occasioned by folly and vice at the head of a family.—
Addison ............................................................... ..., 380
Good nature and good sense compared, in their relation to ma-
trimonial happiness—Witherspoon.................................. 384
Necessity of equality in rank and age in the matrimonial
union—Witherspoon............................................ - - - - - - - 389
The same subject continued—Witherspoon......................... 392
The cultivation of good temper in ladies—Mrs. Chapone....... 396 º
Married and single life compared, in a letter to a lady–Bennet 400
Marks of an honourable lover—a father's advice to his daugh-
ters—Gregory........................................................... 404
Male and female coquetry—a father's advice to his daughters
—Gregory ................................................................ 408
Matrimony too often ridiculed, and beauty too highly extolled
–Witherspoon................................................ . ......... . 412
The happiness and unhappiness of the married state overrated º
—Witherspoon.............. .................... ..........................
Happiness, how secured in the married state......................
Lines on religion and virtue—Miss Lucy Hooper..................







-
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
-





A PRIZE E S S A Y,

BY MISS LUCY HOOPER.
D O M E S T I C H A PPIN ESS;
OR
A CONTRAST BETWEEN THE STATE OF MATRIMONY AND
THAT OF CIELIBACY.
WHEN we consider matrimony as established by the
express agency of God, and view celibacy as unsup-
ported by such authority, we perceive that this circum-
stance alone forms a great difference between them; and
we also perceive that if this institution was necessary to
complete the happiness of man in paradise, it affords pre-
"sumptive evidence that celibacy was considered by God
as an imperfect state of existence, and therefore unfit to
produce the general well-being of society. Viewing
marriage as of divine appointment, let us see what effect
it has already had upon society. Without controversy,
it has brought mankind together, and redeeming them
from a life of solitude, has had a softening influence upon
their minds; it has called them from inaction by supply-
ing them with a motive for exertion, and placing the two
sexes upon their proper footing; has given rise to all the
endearing relations of social life, and surrounded man
with a whole atmosphere of calm and quiet enjoyment. If
then this compact increases the general happiness of so-
ciety, it must increase its individual happiness; hence
2 - -
14 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
we say the married man is happier than the one who is
single. He lives under pleasanter influences; he is sur-
rounded by more endearing ties. He has in the first
place abjured selfishness, by pledging himself to care
equally for the welfare of another, and the sacrifice be-
comes more perfect every day. The kind feelings of his
nature are constantly called forth towards the partner of
his fortunes, the children of his affection. There is a
kindred tie which binds his heart to theirs. He also is
their protector, and the sense of rightly fulfilling his duty
towards them will be a powerful promoter of his plea-
sure. Among the latter his existence is, as it were, con-
tinually renewed. The approach of age and cold feel-
ing is almost forbidden by that sympathetic affection which
prompts him to join in the artless joy of infancy, to share
again the feelings of young and warm hearts; and in
doing this with the design of rendering them happy, he
becomes himself so; the benevolence of his nature re-
turns to him ; his spirit rejoices in its own sunshine. If
worldly prosperity is granted him, whose heart can be
more glad than his, to see the objects of his dearest and
fondest affection enjoying its blessings with him? Or if,
on the contrary, his spirit is bowed beneath the pressure
of adversity, what can cheer him more than their Sympa-
thy? what reconcile him more to the wreck of his world-
ly hopes, than the conciousness of possessing in their at-
tachment a treasure that will not pass from him! His is
participated existence, nor is a small part of his happi-
ness secured to him by the constantly conferring and re-
ceiving of obligations. It is in truth this constant reci.
procation of mutually kind feelings that make men hap.
py; it is the going out of themselves to render another
so ; and more especially will this be felt between two
persons, when every such action rivets more closely the
chain that binds them together, till its power becomes so
strong, that all individuality of interest is lost between









¥) OMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 15 .
them; till their hearts become so blended, so united, that
the happiness of the one is an earnest of that of the other,
Such is the love which smooths down all the roughnesses
in the path of life; which finds its most fitting employment
in lighting up the flame of happiness on the domestic al-
tar, of which the marriage compact becomes the sign and
seal. Such is the love which nerves the heart to bear up
manfully under the pressure of misfortune; to stifle its
own sorrows in soothing those of another; to bear its own
burdens in lightening those of another; which causes
two persons to become all the world to each other, uniting
their interests, not for any short period, not for any glad-
some and sunny season of existence, but for life, in its
storm as in its sunshine; and such that undying affection
which will sustain itself though every circumstance of
good and evil fortune; which will rise above all difficul-
ties, and meet all perils with an unblanched cheek and an
unterrified heart, so long as the object of its attachment
is spared to it; so long as its constancy is rewarded by
the undiminished confidence, the added esteem, of the
one it loves. Is not he who is the object of such devoted
love far happier than the solitary individual who passes
through life, in the comparison, an unloved and uncared
for being? The friends of the latter are found in the
World's busy throng; they are commonly bound to him by
worldly and selfish motives. He is often removed from
his earliest and truest friends, and surrounded by those
who seldom care more for his welfare, than as it conduces
to their own. It is interest in most cases that has brought º
them together, and in the changes and chances of the
world, how do the interests of men become separate!
-
-
-
Wo to him who perils his happiness on such friendship it º
will fade from him like the snow-wreath, and too late -
will he find it as cold, and realize, in the bitterness of
a disappointed spirit, what it is to be connected with man:
kind by no dearer tie than that of interest, and what it












I6 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
is to have no closer bond of union with his fellow-beings
than that of common friendship, which is so easily broken
by the selfish, so lightly dissolved by the thoughtless.
And in the estimation of the world, the married man has cer-
tainly an advantage over the solitary. Compared with the
former, the latter is but an unimportant member of society,
exerting but an inconsiderable influence on its state of
well-being. There is a connecting link between society
and the man who is bound by this compact to provide for
one of its members. His situation is more responsible ;
he possesses more influence, and as a consequence becomes
more cared for and more respected.
Nor is this all. Every man is happier when he has a
worthy object for which to toil, more industrious when he
sees some far off good, that patient and persevering effort
may render his. And what is so calculated to call out the
strongest energies of the soul, as the praiseworthy desire
of placing the objects of his love in peace and affluence 1
This motive acts powerfully on the mass of mankind. It
is this principle that impels men with the strongest impetus
along the road of industry. This is the reason of many a
gigantic labour, of many an honourable effort. So will it
ever be, that he who is alone will be led to circumscribe his
efforts, and withdraw his sympathies from his fellow-men;
while he who feels that the happiness of others is intrusted to
him will be impelled onward and onward in the road of high
and arduous exertion. The end is worthy, and for this he
will toil on; for this will he struggle with the world; for this
will he brave the terrors of the ocean. And when in the strife
of opposing interests he grows tired, and in the hardships of
life hardly treated, the reflection that it is all for those he loves
renders his spirit cheerful and his hand diligent. Or when
on the rude ocean, storms and tempests are around him,
and he quails at the war of elements, and his fortitude is
unable to meet the demands made upon it, he has
but to call back the remembrance of home, and a new


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 17
º
strength revives in his heart, and a firmer courage
awakens there, and toil and peril sink in the comparison
to things of nought. He is ready to meet them, he glo-
ries in vanquishing them, and he triumphs in the thought ,
of the bright smiles and the happy looks that will after-
wards greet him in the earthly paradise of his heart, the
sanctuary of his home. Home ! there is power of the
very word to call out the warmest feeling of his nature, to
enkindle the purest aspirations of his soul. How many are
the ties that endear his home to him! how will he recall
them all ! and when he sits down in its quiet shelter again,
how will his affections twine themselves with renewed force
around the partner of his destiny, the children of his hope
How will his heart greet again the unchanged smile of the
one, and dilate with rapture at each improved grace of the
other He who is so blessed enjoys a world of happiness,
*]uiet and unobtrusive in its nature, but not the less deeply
felt that it cannot bear to be talked of. All his joys are
shared, all his griefs soothed : nothing is reserved, nothing
eoncealed, all is participated. No enemy enters into the
circle round his fireside; kind and affectionate hearts are
there alone. Who would think loneliness preferable to this
existence? Who would rather retire to the gloom and iso-
lation of solitude, than abide in the bright sunlight of domes-
tic bliss, and feel his heart expand under its sweet in-
fluences 3 º
There is also an elevating power in an attachment to a
Worthy object. It is this which has secured the virtue and
consequent happiness of thousands. The ties of home have
prevented many from making shipwreck of themselves in
every age. We do not say that vice and misery have
never entered the sanctuary of domestic happiness. Where
is the temple into which they have not penetrated? But
We say that the motives which thrill on the heart of one in
this situation are more likely than any motives to make him
a virtuous and therefore a happy man. We know that
- 2+ - -


18 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
º
many profligates have been deaf to the holy pleadings of
affection, and scoffed at its influence; but we believe that
many more have by these pleadings been recalled, and by
that influence reclaimed, from wandering in the path of
folly, and led to walk in that of virtue. Nor indeed can it
be doubted, that on the mass of mankind this influence has
always been beneficial.
We would throw no darker colours on a life of solitude
than what are actually there, neither is there any occasion
for exaggeration : but there is a closing scene to every life,
and who can view the solitary. individual in declining years,
and not feel that his situation is desolate 7 During his life
he may have employed himself in the gathering of wealth;
but the question now intrudes itself, who is to enjoy its
fruits 1 His friends have been dropping from around him :
some have been swept away by death ; others, dissenting
from his example, have surrounded themselves with the ties
of domestic life, and in the absorbing interests of their new
connexion nearly forgotten him; while the few who remain
firm are, like himself, sinking into the feebleness, the queru-
lousness of age. His strength has passed from him, his
head is blanched, but his heart is uncheered. He is, in
short, like the last withered leaf, fluttering on the tree when
the autumn sky is cheerless, and the autumn wind is sweep-
ing past. - -
Let us now turn to the contemplation of an opposite pic-
ture, and view the different situation of him, who, going
down the vale of life, has the way smoothed and cheered to
him by the kindness of a devoted partner, the assiduities of
affectionate children. His head may be frosted o'er with
age, but the sunbeam of love still gilds it. Strength may
have passed from his enfeebled limbs, but the active exer.
tions of his children will supply to him the necessity of much
personal effort. The retrospect of his life will be pleasant;
and what is there like the holy enjoyment of his upright
mind, when he looks on the circle who have risen up around
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 19
him, and reflects that, though high the trust committed to
him, he has acquitted himself in a manner worthy of it?
What joy is there equal to that of the aged parent, who
gazes on his children, and feels that, though he may leave
them no stores of gold or silver, he has been the means
of giving them the rich heritage of principle—he leaves
them in possession of unsullied virtue 7 And what equal
to his participated rapture, when he turns to the being
who has shared this trust with him, and with her rejoices
as he reflects how the budding promise has ripened into
the full blossom, and their most fervent expectations been
more than surpassed? How rich a fund of happiness is
contained for both in the remembrance of the past ! To-
gether have they shared the storm, together will they be
glad in the sunshine, while every recollection of their
former life only makes them more firmly resolved to go
down the vale of life, hand in hand, and with hearts at-
tuned to harmony.
Such are some of the bright spots which gleam and
glitter along the land of reality; and in truth there are
more of these than we imagine. Such is a faint semblance
of domestic happiness, based on the foundation which God
has established. Let not then any individual, who can
remember the gentle charm of a mother's Smile, the thrill-
ing influence of a father’s prayer, bear testimony against
that union to which he stands so deeply indebted. No ;
never should he who has from his infancy been blessed
by social endearments, and partaken of social enjoyments,
doubt their power to render man happy, or deride the
source from which they spring. It is this tie which has
given him much of the happiness he has received; and
he must be sensible, that, in a state of solitude, and
without some connecting link, the asperity of the one sex
would be unsoftened, and the feebleness of the other
unaided. There should be some connexion between
them, and no compact is so sacred as the one of which

20 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
we have been speaking, and which has been established
by God himself. Nor is it small praise to say, that it
is this union alone which provides man with the asylum
of home, that scene where his best sympathies are called
into exercise, till they assume the form of pure and holy
principles of action, and the domestic sanctuary becomes
an Eden upon earth, and is surrounded with a bright
halo of purity and happiness,

A PR I Z E E S S A. Y.
BY STEPHEN CONGAR.
RELIGION AND VIRTUE NECESSARY TO CONSTITUTE HAPPINESS
IN THE MARRIAGE UNION.
IN every rational and beneficial pursuit of human life a
regard must be entertained for the fundamental principles of
religion and virtue. If this be not the case, and if these
important principles of action be despised and disregarded,
we shall either fail in obtaining our objects, or we shall find
them not productive of that happiness which we expected.
This truth is obvious, if we admit that the tendency of virtue
is to promote human happiness, and that of vice to increase
human wretchedness. It is all-important, therefore, in the
beginning of life to assume and support these principles, in
whatever situation we may be placed, or with whatever cir-
cumstances surrounded. -
What may safely be advanced with regard to every
period of life, and every state of existence, will apply with
peculiar force to the state of matrimony—without them, in-
deed, a real marriage union cannot exist. -
In order to show the necessity of religion and morality,
let us consider the circumstances which are implied in a
marriage, and the fulfilment of which are necessary to its
happiness. -
First—The husband and the wife shall be as one flesh.
There must be no fundamental difference of character. If
this difference should exist, it is evident that it will be fol-

22 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
lowed by wranglings and disunions, which will inevitably
destroy every prospect of felicity.
But no characters, are perfectly alike. There will be
disagreements on many points. To prevent a rupture, there.
fore, in all cases a spirit of reconciliation and forbearance
must be manifested. How is this spirit to be produced, ex-
cept by the divine and transforming agency of religion?
The pride of the world and of the human mind are opposed
to these surrenders of opinions and feelings.
Second—Feelings of selfishness must be entirely dis.
carded. There should be no rivalry of interest between
the husband and the wife. It should be the constant and
* unremitting desire of the one to lessen the burdens and re.
lieve the anxieties of the other. They are placed together
mainly for this purpose. But if self is the controlling and
only effective spring of moral action, what reason have we to
believe that such a result will be obtained? The duties of
the marriage compact will not be performed—the husband
will have regard only to his own ease and comfort—the wife
will obey only her own inclinations and desires. Coldness,
indifference, hatred, will succeed each other imperceptibly,
and the unhappy pair, with bitter and unavailing reproaches,
will curse the destiny which united them together.
Third–There must be no open practice of vice. How
can true esteem and love exist between those whose hearts
have been rendered callous by the commission of a thousand
enormities. There may be companionship in crime, and a
sufficient degree of confidence among accomplices, to induce
them to associate with each other. But do not suffer the
sacred titles of friendship and love to be prostituted to such
unworthy associations. When the Bohón Upas has become
a preservative of human life, and not till then, may we expect
to find the kindly affections of our nature growing and flour-
ishing in connexion with vicious principles and desires. It is
only in the sacred soil of religion and virtue that these deli-
cious plants take root and grow; the presence of vice destroys


















DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.' 23
---
and eradicates them for ever. They are the gifts of Heaven,
and cannot be enjoyed in the atmosphere of hell. Pure and
exalted affection can only exist among characters of purity
and holiness, and this affection is the only source of happiness
In marriage.
It is apparent, then, that those qualities which are es.
sential to the existence of a real marriage, cannot be pre-
sent unless the heart be influenced by the divine precepts
of our religion, and unless the conduct be regulated by
the strict rules of virtue and morality. Under this view
a solemn responsibility devolves upon those who are de-
sirous of entering upon the married life. It is not to be
considered as a last resort for happiness and comfort. The
restless debauchee who has spent the-prime of his youth
and manhood in brutal and disgusting pleasures, and who
finally ceases only because satiety has left no room for
further eujoyment, must not expect to retrieve his charac-
ter and redeem his prospects by a fortunate union with
youth and innocence. Unless he brings a heart full of the
bitterness of repentance for past vices, and a conduct reno.
Wated by the influence of divine things, he will experience
only the aggravating pangs of remorse combined with the
knowledge that he is inflicting terrible suffering on one
whom he has sworn to love, protect and defend.
Again, how is the individual who is in the constant exer.
cise of irreligious sentiments and vicious practices, fitted for
the delicate and responsible duty of rearing and educating
children'ſ Is it not reasonable to presume that they
likewise will grow up in the practice of sin! Instead of a
blessing, they will prove a curse to the world. The happi.
ness which flows from intercourse with affectionate offspring
will be turned into bitterness of anguish by the contempla.
tion of their want offilial duty and love. The bright hopes
of parental imagination will be blasted by a reckless course
in life; a course entailing disease, and poverty, and degrada-
tion, and an early death upon themselves; shame and bro.









24 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
kenness of heart upon their friends. Let these considera-
tions urge parents not only to give good precepts to their
children, but also to give them the more attracting exhibi-
tion of a holy example.
Religion and virtue, then, are necessarily connected with
matrimonial happiness : without them, domestic felicity is a
dream vainly indulged. The individual who is exercising
the important privilege of choosing a partner for life, will
beware how grace of deportment is preferred to purity of
conduct, or beauty of person to correctness of principle.
The one, like the meteor, may dazzle for the moment, but
its light quickly fades and its glory soon departs. The
other, like the sun, ever sheds forth its powerful and benig-
ºnant influence, warming by the bright effulgence of its
diurnal beams, and supporting by its vigorous and anima-
ting qualities.


Are not Religion and Virtue essentially necessary to consti-
tute a real marriage union ? and can there be happiness
where such union does not eacist Ž
THAT, ere the marriage union becomes real, the hearts
as well as the hands of the two persons who have entered
into it must be united, will be admitted by every one; and
that when this does take place, their confidence in each
other must be entire and unshaken, is likewise self-evident.
The only question then remaining is, what is the most likely
means of producing this confidence, and of securing its con-
tinuance 7 We believe nothing is so suited for this purpose,
as the possession by each of firm principles of virtue and
religion. This is of itself a bond of union, since it gives
them the same motives of action, and furnishes them with
the same joys and consolations. They drink of the same
Pure spring, and are bound together by no common sympa-
thy. This is also the safeguard of happiness,when viewed
as the foundation on which mutual confidence must be estab.
lished. Even in the daily transactions of business, we see
that the degree of trust which is accorded to different
people depends upon the different opinion that is formed of
their moral and religious qualities. We rely upon those
only who have never deceived us, and who we moreover
believe never will deceive us; and nothing leads us to place
so firm a trust in any person, as the knowledge that all his
feelings and sympathies are on the side of virtue. Then is





3 =
26 DOMESTIC IIAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
our belief in his integrity unlimited. And if this feeling
operates so forcibly to produce a transient union, or give
pleasure in an occasional intercourse, it must be still more
forcible when that union becomes permanent, and that in-
tercourse is kept up. Mutual confidence in each other's
truth, mutual trust in each other's affection, is the basis on
which the marriage union rests. The love that continues
in this compact must be founded on esteem. Brilliant quali-
ties of mind may dazzle the attention, and an attractive
person please the eye, but without more solid virtues are
concealed under this appearance, this attention will not con-
tinue fixed, nor will this love be permanent. The enthu-
siasm of youthful hearts will last for a while, but soon will
the beauty that was once admired grow familiar to the eye;
soon will the fire of passion burn dim, and the delusions of
fancy fade. Small indeed is their chance of happiness, who,
attracted solely by these charms, have united in that com-
pact which death only can dissolve ; there will be no solid
ground of union, and the idea of it under such auspices will
yanish, and the hearts that were so late inseparable, will
*Seem
Like broken clouds, or like the stream
That smiling leaves the mountain's brow,
As though its waters ne'er could sever;
Yet ere it reach the plains below,
Breaks into floods that pass for ever.”
Life is not like fairy land. Every situation brings with
it peculiar duties to be performed, peculiar temptations to be
struggled with; and it is the manner in which these duties
are done, and these temptations are conquered, that deter-
mines the happiness or misery of a man's future life. With-
-
out virtuous principles neither can be accomplished; and
what situation is there where these are more necessary,
than in married life! The virtues and the faults of the two
persons who are so united, have now a direct effect upon
the happiness of each other; and it depends upon the pre-




I}OMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 27
dominance of each, of what contexture their life shall be.
In the future years to which they look forward, disappoint-
ments will come, cares will invade, wrong may be done,
false accusation must be met. But if in this strife their
hearts should separate; if these inevitable events should, by
souring the temper of the one, alienate from him the love of
her, whose lot it is “patient to bear with wrong,” the silken
tie then is broken which binds them together; or if more
serious faults deprive either of the esteem of the other, the
foundation on which confidence rests is destroyed. Oh!
greatly is the aid of steady and unswerving virtue called
for, that the mind, feeling strong in the sense of its own
honesty, may be firm and unweakened amidst the storms
of life. º
Then are the sweet and holy influences of religion called
for, to soften the temper and the manners; to give a hope
so bright that it can cheer the soul through all the dark-
ness of life, and a bond of union so endearing, that the hearts
S0 bound cannot easily be separated. It also inculcates
that habit of benevolence which leads two persons to yield
up their mutual desires, to forego their natural selfishness,
and seek the happiness of each other, which calls into ac-
tion all the kinder feelings, and gives them an habitual mild-
Hess of deportment. Thus is it that religion cheers, refines,
and elevates society, giving meaning to all the courtesies of
life, making them the ways in which a benevolent temper
delights to show itself, and thus insures their performance.
It gives also an habitual serenity to the mind, which pours
oil on the waves of life. Those who are under its influence
will not lie, like others, exposed to the merey of each casual
occurrence ; they will not so often offend each other by as-
perity, or harshness of manners. Religion will give them
the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which takes off the
edge of unkindness by bearing patiently its reproach, and
trying, by every gentle method, to alter its nature. This
28 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAY Eij,
spirit is indeed of “great price,” in all the daily duties of
life. There are many things trifling in their origin, but im.
portant in their consequences. Many of the simple obser-
vances of life are of this nature. It is the temper of mind they
calloutin us, the manner in which they are performed, that is
important. And ifin other cases even anger may be turned
away by a soft answer, can the disposition of mind that in-
clines us to be kind, gentle, and forgiving, be of no conse-
quence, where two persons of perhaps opposite characters
and dispositions are united for life! Oh! they will have
great need of the kindness that excuses slight mutual blem-
ishes, and the charity that forgives them; and of firm prin.
ciple, which, discarding petty feelings of self-love, will re-
solve such trifles shall never affect the reality of their union.
These are the dispositions that strew the path of life with
flowers. -
And what, we would ask, is the consequence of the op-
posite deportment produced by the want of principle? If
those who are united in this compact are decidedly immoral,
it is readily perceived that the idea of union with such van-
ishes into thin air. Ere any two hearts can become blend-
ed together, they must be disinterested; but it is religion
that subdues selfishness, and produces benevolence of feel-
ing. And to make any union permanent, there must be
mutuals forbearance towards each other; but this cannot
be found where the mild precepts of the gospel are profaned.
There can be no friendship among the wicked. Their vi-
ces exercise themselves upon each other, and the pen fails
to portray the wretehedness this produces. Or let us sup,
pose that the persons of whom we speak are not decidedly
immoral, but act from the impulse of feeling, and without
settled principles; the colours may not be so dark, but the
picture will still be shaded. When the glow of youth and
the novelty of life passes off, the mutual failings of each will
be perceptible, and the jarring particles in the disposition

T}OMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 29,

of each will be brought into contact. They will want the
charity that would excuse trifling faults in each other, and
the virtuous principles that would teach them to correct
such in themselves. The most petty occasions will often
produce discord, and the veriest triſles serve to divide their
hearts. It is indeed impossible for this union to continue
firmly established, without the cementing aid of virtue and
religion. This is finely illustrated in Paradise Lost.
Milton paints our first parents as perfectly united and
happy, ere sin had made its appearance in the garden of
God. Nothing then arose to divide their hearts or prevent
their loving each other with a perfect love; but after the
foot of the destroyer had been there; after the fearful in-
trusions of sin, the scene is changed. Then do their hearts
separate; then does the first occasion of discord arise.
Adam chides Eye, and for a brief space do they find mutual
cause for reproach, and for unhappiness. This speaks the
language of exquisite truth. To render the union real,
it is necessary that both of the parties who enter into it,
should be under the dominion of firm and elevated principle.
Between such it will be both perfect and permanent. There
is nothing to divide them. Their sentiments and interests
are the same; they confide securely in each other, because
they know that their confidence is not misplaced; their in-
tercourse is unrestrained; for no doubts arise to mar its
Openness; their affection is firm, for it is established on a
right foundation. In every point of view have they the ad.
Vantage over those who are destitute of such principles, and
trust only to the uncertain endurance of ill-placed affection.
Their hearts are in harmony, and if any causes of doubt or
division rise between them, such doubts are like the light
clouds that rise in a summer sky, and pass away so swiftly
that the genial brightness remains unmarred.
In truth, it is evident that in a union which God has es.
tablished, the conduct to insure happiness is to look up to
3%

30 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
Him for his blessing, and to be guided by his laws. Yes!
when the vow has been taken, and the hand has been
pledged, should the heart ascend to God, and pray that the
light of his countenance may be shed upon their path. And
whenever this necessity is forgotten, whenever religion has
left the heart, and virtue taken its departure from the temple
of domestic bliss, we may anticipate its downfall—we may
write upon it, “the glory has departed.” Alas! that this
should so often be the case; that the peace of the domestic
circle should be so often banished by the entrance of vice;
that the heart which fondly clung to the husband of her
youth should be so often wrung by the conviction that his
love had passed away “like the morning cloud and the early
dew,” and know that the place she once held in his affection
was now occupied by unhallowed desires or debasing sins!
This is ever the cause of division and unhappiness. It
was sin which brought misery into the world—it is sin which
perpetuates its existence. To illustrate these remarks, let
us think of the amount of misery which has been produced
by this cause in domestic life. Or, if the view, by being
general, loses its distinctness, let us think of but one vice,
that in its onward course has often swept away the peace of
this union, made barren the places that were once fertile,
and sad the hearts that were once gladsome. Let us think
of the misery this one vice of intemperance has produced,
and then imagine religion and virtue to come again to those
who have bowed to the dominion of this sin, and accompany
them to their homes: what blessings would return with them
How would the desolate place be glad for them, and the
wilderness rejoice and blossom as the rose! How would the
flame of happiness burn bright on the domestic altar, and
the rich incense of grateful hearts go up to God! Those
who had been separated would be again united, and the re-
turn of virtue is ever the return of happiness. It is only
when those who are united in this compact can sympathize
|

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS. PORTRAYED. 31
with each other, and place confidence in each other, that they
can be happy. Life spreads before them; they are destined
to experience together its joys and its sorrows; they must
be under the guidance of firm principles, and then they will
not be separated; these will teach them to be moderate
amidst those joys, and submissive and resigned in the days
of adversity. Such a union must be productive of happiness;
the existence of each will be cheered by kindness and
soothed by sympathy; the courtesies of life will not be
neglected, but,

“All the gentler morals, such as play
Through life's more cultured walks, and charm the way,”
will enliven the scene, and make their existence pleasant.
Their hearts will be united in the education of their children;
their end will be the same; they wish to train them up for
usefulness in this world, and happiness in the next. With
such views they will aid and encourage each other in this
great work. How much unhappiness is produced by
division of sentiment on this subject. How often has the
tear dimmed the mother's eye as she looked on the circle
who had gathered around her, to lisp with holy look their
evening prayer at the close of day, and there reflected, how
Soon they would imbibe lessons of infidelity from him who
ought most sedulously to guard them from its influence, and
how soon the contagion of bad example in their father would
blight the fair virtues of her sons.
Different indeed is their lot, who, united in the bonds of
affection, are riveted still more closely by those of principle.
They are not divided in sentiment; they are improved and
benefited by each other's example; they feel grateful that
their days of happiness have been so many, and look for.
Ward with high and confident expectation to another and :
brighter state of existence, trusting to meet again beyond
the grave. Oh! infinitely great is the happiness produced
32 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
by this hope! And it is only where religion is found, that
the union can be unclouded, or this happiness be known :
only then that mutual confidence can be fully established,
and the conduct of those who are so united can afford a
living illustration of “how good and how pleasant a thing it
is for such to dwell in unity p: * M, M.

-------- - --- ----- --- ---------
-- --- - --i-º- - - --- --
---
---
MATRIMONY AND CELIBAcy contRASTED.
- --
-º-º-º-º-º- i. -
- --- - -
-
tº -
“The world was sad, the garden was a wild,
And man, the hermit, sighed till woman smiled.”
--_ - - Campbell.
tº º ºf amplete
- - - -º-
tº cº- - tº
º º,
AMONG the gracious provisions of an all-wise and boun-
tiful Creator for the happiness of his creatures, there is none
that seems more eminently to demand our attention, and to, -
deserve our gratitude, than the institution of marriage.
According to holy writ, after Adam had been formed, God
said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make
a help meet for him.” This help was woman, given unto
man as the companion and partner of his life. An after
command was given unto them, to “increase and multiply
and replenish the earth.”
Thus then, on the authority of scripture, we may recog-
mise the establishment of the marriage state by God, and
of course its adaptation to the nature of man. From the
second command may be inferred the perpetuation of this,
State among the successive generations proceeding from our
90mmon parents, and the obligation of men to enter into it
In order to fulfil that command.
Putting aside the inspired volume, and judging of matri.
mony by the light of nature and the dictates of reason, we
shall still come to the same conclusion. In all ages and
climates, among all people, nations, and tongues, the mar.
riage state and the establishment of domestic relations are
looked upon with honour, as the object and consummation of
manhood, and as a necessary ingredient in the cup of human
felicity. This universal consent is the voice of nature, the
language of the heart, the law of our being impressed upon.



34 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
-
it by the finger of God, when he fashioned man from the
dust of the earth, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of
life, so that he became a living soul. It was from this con-
formation that it was not good for man to be alone; and
deeply and darkly as sin and suffering have wrought upon
the race, the thousands of years that have passed have only
established more convincingly the divine origin of this inter-
nal law. The fashions of the world have countlessly
changed, empires have risen and fallen, dynasties have been
forgotten, even nations and races have been lost, and barba-
rism and civilization have successively and alternately held
their sway; but in all conditions of man, from the highest
pitch of pride and sovereignty to the lowest state of ser-
vitude, *
“Yoked with the brutes and fettered to the soil,”
has the state of marriage or some connexion of the sexes
equivalent thereto, been the fondest of the aims and the
objects of man, a crown of happiness to his glory, and a
solace to his degradation and wretchedness.
On the authority therefore both of scripture and natural
religion, it seems justifiable to assert, that marriage is in
conformity to the will of God, and voluntary celibacy of
course opposed to it. That there may not be reasons to
justify the last in some instances, we will not deny ; but they
must be founded upon something more than caprice, than
subservience to selfish gratifications, or to the conventional
decrees, or fancied requisitions of the fashions of the world.
Serious hereditary defects of body or mind, or inability to
rear an offspring to usefulness and with reasonable comfort,
are all that seem valid. -
In the fine passage, the concluding lines of which form
the motto of this essay, Campbell has beautifully depicted
the unhappiness of our great progenitor in his single state.
Though placed amid the beauties of Eden—amid the mag-
nificence, the wonders, and attractions of a new creation,






to MESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 35

himself alike new and but just called into being, in the prime
of manhood and the perfection of all his faculties; with
senses not blunted in their perceptions by use or habit, nor
weakened by disease or excess; with mental powers, over
which neither education nor artificial excitement had thrown
the pall of satiety and disgust; while all around was novel
and marvellous, and his own feelings, perceptions, and con-
sciousness most novel and marvellous of all; though thus
placed in a state for gratification, and with means of it, that
no one of his descendants has ever possessed, yet the hap-
piness of Adam was not complete. Though blessed even
with the power of direct communing with his God, and with
the spiritual messengers and performers of his will, still a
being was wanted of nature kindred with his own; who
might feel as he felt, and think as he thought; enjoy with
him the pleasures and wonders of creation, receive and
repay the communication of his sentiments, and by this ex-
change complete his gratification.
In contrast with the description above referred to are the
various passages of Milton, describing the happiness of the
united pair, while, yet unstained by transgression, they enjoy-
ed the pleasures of the nuptial state amid the fragrant shades
of their native abode. Whether purusing their light labours,
rather a recreation than a task, in the care of the garden, in-
dulging in the hours of rest and refreshment, or paying their
spontaneous and fervent homage to their Maker, the great
and perpetual source of their felicity, in addition to the high
gifts and glorious state of their being, is the community of
feeling and affection, the participation of each, as it were,
in the soul of the other, modified by the distinction of sex
and the peculiar gifts and graces of each.
These descriptions may indeed be said to be the fictions of
poetry, but they are fiction in its noblest sense, not the em-
bodying of the viewless forms pictured by the imagination,
but the giving to unseen and long departed scenes of reality
the eternal lineaments of truth and nature. They are


36 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS-PORTRAYED.
the attempts of two of our purest and most highly gifted
minds to portray the feelings of humanity, as it existed in
its pristine nobleness, in the two states of singleness and
union. The sources of their materials were-in their own
hearts, and what they have thence drawn, is but that, which,
more or less gross or refined, more or less developed, is to
be found in the unperverted hearts of all mankind.
If, pure and holy as he came from the hands of his
Maker, if, even in Paradise, it was “not good for man to be
alone,” that as we must understand it, to be single ; if it
comported not with the will of his Creator, nor with his own
nature, how can it be thought that it should be good and ad.
missable now in his fallen and sinful estate Suffering as
man is under his own weaknesses, faults, and follies, and
under those of his race, or their consequences, transmitted
from generation to generation, surely he has need of all the
means of good, of all the help and solace that his nature ever
required or could admit, and while that first given as part of
himself has been perpetuated with him by the same law of
nature, an unerring finger points him to its use and enjoy.
ment. º
Even a more widely extended sense of the truth, that “it
is not good for man to be alone,” will yet confirm the ne:
cessity and importance of marriage to his happiness. He is
pre-eminently a social being, and in consorting with his kind
are to be found the sources of his true and highest pleasures.
Society is the element of his life through all his various
states and diversities of character; without it the feelings of
his nature could not have gratification, and his virtues and
his capacities would remain undeveloped and inert. His
reason, the glorious distinction above the brute races of the
earth, would be useless and idle, but for the wants, the plea.
sures, and the stimulus of social intercourse, and we might
almost say that his very immortal soul would stagnate, and
become as it were not. º
The very link however that holds society together, that
-
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 37

one thing without which it could not exist, or if existing
must soon come to an end, is marriage, under whatever
law or with whatever rites it may be celebrated, considered
as the union of sexes for the purpose of rearing up offspring,
and continuing the race. This is the common centre of hu-
man affections, and in close connexion with it, derived from
it, and tending towards it, are all the other ties that bind the
race together. Without this there would be none of the
dear relations of parental and filial love, none of the deep
affection of brotherhood, and none of the genial warmth of
other degrees of consanguinity, lessening indeed as they
become more widely severed, but still affording a claim for
kindness and an assurance of regard, that otherwise would
not exist, and therefore ill exchanged for total sepa-
ration. º
Friendship, where it is warm, stable, and disinterested, ---
may be indeed as close a bond of union as any but the most
intimate of these ties of kindred; but these it can never
equal, much less supersede. Even in the glowing language
of eulogy, the highest praise that can be bestowed upon the
truest friendship, is found in comparing it to the affection of
Some of these near relations. To love one like a brother,
to be dear as one’s own son, or as a father, are expressions
thus used, and in this very use of them the superiority of the
affection thus employed for bestowing the highest com.
mendation is fully though tacitly recognised.
This indeed must be the case; for there is in the mind
a strong though mysterious association mingled with these
ties, that no attachment of mere friendship can ever possess.
However great and sincere this last may be, still upon re-
flection we cannot but perceive, that it is in some measure
fortuitous, the result of the accidents of the world bringing
kindred minds together, that other accidents might equally
Well have kept separate. And connected with this there is
something, however vague and feeble, of a feeling, that
what ºng events have done, they may likewise undo;

38 - DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and that the fabric they have reared, however fair and solid
it may seem, may by the same agency be crumbled into
dust, and scattered to the winds. In the affection of near
kindred, on the contrary, there is something superior to this
work of time and opportunity. The thought that to one we
owe our being, that another derives his being from us, that
in the veins of yet another flows the same mingled tide of
life that warms our own heart, and lends its impulse to all
our feelings, presents us with something permanent and
substantial ; a thing that cannot be otherwise, however
the world around us may change. The immediate agency
of the Divinity seems to be present to these ties, and to give
to the affections thence resulting a sacred purity and
strength, that can belong to no production of the world. -
The tie of marriage is more sacred and more intimate
than these, more full of the energies of life and the warmth
of feeling. The language of praise has never prostituted
the love belonging to this union to express the affection be-
longing to any less intimate connexion. We may indeed
hear of loving a friend like a father, a brother, or a son, but
never of loving one like a husband or a wife. This love .
belongs exclusively to its own state, and is the highest that
God has given to the intercourse of his creatures. “For
this shall a man leave father and mother, and cleave unto
his wife, and they two shall become one flesh.”
One who voluntarily leads a life of celibacy rejects this
most important and blissful of all the connexions man
can form in society, and also the one next to it in tender-
ness and durability, that which binds a parent to his
children; and to say that such a one can enjoy as much
happiness, other circumstances being equal, as one who
forms these connexions, is no less a solecism, than it would
be, in mathematics, to affirm that a part might be equal to
the whole. - |
In single life, a man may enjoy the other affections of
kindred and the pleasures of friendship ; but for these he is

DOMEST1C IIAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 39

indebted to that connexion in others, which he rejects for
himself; and in thus deriving these enjoyments, and even
his capacity to enjoy them, without doing his part to per-
petuate society, and bestow upon others in its course that
which it has afforded to him, he appears like a recreant in-
grate, one willing to receive favours, and ever dependent upon
them, but not willing to repay them, or confer them upon.
others. This argues a selfishness, which may well lead us
to doubt, whether he indeed draws from those relations
which he does possess, the full measure of satisfaction they
are capable of affording; whether there is not in him a
callousness of heart, a want of kindly sensibility, or else an
excess of the love of mere bodily ease or sensual indulgence,
that place him, in point of capacity for high and refined
-- happiness, below the level of the race.
If the former be the case; if his heart be cold and his
breast sterile in producing the passions and affections of his
kind, it is idle to talk of his enjoying an equality of happi-
ness with those more highly gifted in these respects. He
may be tranquil and content; he may escape some of the
harrassing cares and anxieties occasionally felt by spirits of
finer mould, who enter upon the full career of their duties,
and thus he may be negatively happy; but till it can be
proved, that not to be is better than to be, it cannot be
maintained that one thus constituted can reach that amount
of happiness to be attained by a man of more lively
sensibility.
If the latter be the case; if a love of personal ease, and
gratifications incompatible with the cares and provisions of
a family, be the motive of celibacy, the selfishness cannot be
doubted; and that the pleasures of sense are inferior to the
pleasures of the mind, will not be denied by those who would
not put man on a level with the brute creation; and that
- the participation of those we love in that which pleases us,
enhances our gratification, is equally well established by the
yoice of mankind. This enhancement, too, is greater in pre-


40 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
º
portion to the love we bear to those who partake of the
pleasure, and consequently is greatest of all when it is
shared with those to whom nature most closely unites us in
affection.
It is true, indeed, that domestic relations, as they have
joys to which celibacy cannot reach, may also be sometimes
attended with ills and sorrows to which that state is not ex-
posed. The hand of death may sever the closest union of
hearts, or by its untimely stroke may violate the seeming
order of nature, bowing the young head to the dust, and
sparing the silver hairs of age, so that the once happy hus:
band and father may in his age, as to all external relations,
be apparently left as lonely and desolate as he whose heart
never responded to those holy names. The anguish of such
a separation and bereavement may and must be keenly felt,
from the very dearness of those thus taken away, being at
the same time both the consequence and the proof of the
happiness they bestowed; but fortunately our nature is so
constituted; that consolation springs up out of sorrow,
pleasure may often be found even in the causes of wo. “The
luxury of grief” is no sentimental or unmeaning phrase,
though often most inappropriately applied. When we
mourn over the grave of those we have loved, and the mind
seems ready to sink under the pressure of the loss, there
mingles with the consciousness of it a deep-felt sense of their
worth and of their tenderness; we feel our love for them,
and find a melancholy joy in the thought that the love was
returned, and that the departed spirit, in leaving the fair
field of earth, felt, among the pangs that attended on its dis.
solution from the body, the breaking of those ties of affection
that bound its being to our own. Here is the germ of hope, the
well-spring of future solace, and when the first natural burst
of grief is over, and the mind in calmer mood can look back
upon the scenes of the past, there is a soothing relief in
dwelling upon those things. Secluded from the bustle and
ntercourse of the world, these thoughts lie deep in the re-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 41
cesses of the heart; and in the hours of solitude and silence,
the daily cares of the world pass away, and it turns to the
contemplation of these with a hallowed delight, and broods
over them with a chastened pleasure, that, like the subjects
whence it springs, belongs not to earth, for the hopes and
fears of mortality mingle not therein. We “have been
blessed,” is the pervading feeling, and the holy mature of
that bliss, outliving the mortal existence of it, reflects a mild
and mellowed light from the past upon the present. Those
who do not know sorrow merely because they have not
known joy, might well envy feelings like these, compared
With the monotony of a state like their own.
In this view too we have merely alluded to the feelings of
man considered as a being of this world; but to those who
live with a “Christian's hope” of life and happiness hereafter,
even the most utter bereavement presents sources of conso-
lation, nay more, of pleasure peculiarly its own, in the thought
that immortal spirits, owing to us their being and their glory,
shall be our companions in the blessed regions of eternal
life, and that those we most loved upon earth we shall meet
again in heaven. -
A darker picture by far is, when children tenderly belo-
Ved, as they mix with the world, turn from the paths of
Virtue to those of sin and shame. For in this thing there is
no consolation even to those parents that have most faith-
fully discharged their duty, save the consciousness that they
have so done, or have endeavoured so to do. This event is
not, however, a thing of frequent occurence where parents
have indeed thus done their duty, and is but one of those
hazards of life that in some shape or other must always be
encountered, and the remote chance of which is by no means
to be put in balance against the voice of nature and duty, as
to forming the connexion from which such an evil may poS-
sibly result, but without which the highest happiness and great
Worldly end of our being is sure to be foregone.



4 *
42 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
The accidents of the world may reduce wealth or compe-
tency to comparative poverty, or actual want; and that ca-
lamity which a man may endure in himself, or perchance
free himself of, if alone, becomes a scource of severe anguish
when shared by those he loves, without a possibility of his
affording relief. Such things, however, are of unfrequent
occurrence, when reasonable foresight and prudence are
used; and, like the unforseen and inscrutable visitations of
Providence, are not to be made the groundwork of human
calculations beyond certain reasonable limits of precaution,
and far less an excuse for not performing positive duties.
The man that should be unwilling to build a house for him.
self, because it might be consumed by lightning or shattered
by an earthquake, or to plant a garden, because a flood or
a whirlwind might lay it waste, would justly be thought to
exercise a degree of caution amounting to folly; and he that
avoids marriage for fear that his children would be worth- --
less, or that unforseen calamities should deprive him of the
means of supporting a family, cannot be considered in any
respect more wise. -
Into a minute comparison of the various items that consti-
tute the amount of happiness in the respective states of ma-
trimony and celibacy, it seems unnecessary to enter, if we
have, as we trust, satisfactorily shown from the constitutions
of mankind and society, that happiness must predominate on
the side of matrimony, and that to enter upon that state is a
moral and social duty, to which we are called both by the
voice of nature and the express command of God.
The foregoing Essay was politely presented by the author, Samuek
Webber, M. D.
º


E S S A Y
ON - DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS.
THE great object of all mankind in this world, is hap-
piness. To this, ultimately, all their exertions and all their
plans are directed. However diversified may be their real
pursuits, and however varied may be the paths which they
tread, this is the goal on which their hopes are fixed, and in
the imaginary and anticipated possession of which they
move on, while
“Bubble after bubble bursts, -
And vanishes in air.” º
The student spends his days and his nights in the perusal
of books and the contemplation of nature; the merchant
gives all his attention to the varieties of trade and the im.
provements of commerce; the Statesman devotes his
energies to politics and government; the warrior nerves his
arm to deeds of enterprise and danger. What do all these
Seek! Fame, wealth, power. In the possession of these
they anticipate happiness. * - -
Providence has wisely ordained that happiness shall de-
pend less upon rank or station, or any external circum-
stances whatever, than upon the temper and character of
the mind. The peasant in his hut is as happy, nay, often
is happier, than the prince upon his throne. The man of
ordinary talent and contented mind frequently enjoys life
with more zest than he -
-
“Whose name is bruited by a thousand tongues.”




44 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
Of all the external circumstances which affect the enjoy.
ments of life, I think the most important and influential is
matrimony. Its general effect, undoubtedly, is the promo-
tion of human happiness. It fills the world with all those
scenes of domestic felicity which so much enhance its
pleasures and increase its comforts. It elevates and purifies
the character of man, by rendering him less personally
selfish, and connecting him more closely with society; it
exhibits woman in her loveliest aspect and most engaging
appearance—as a wife and mother superintending her
family and administering to its wants. -
That marriage is a divine institution, cannot be doubted,
and argues strongly in its favour.
“It is not meet that man should be alone,” was the de-
claration of the Deity in the spring-time of the world. As
a companion to cheer him in his hours of solitude and
gloom—as a friend to hold sweet counsel with him in the
night of adversity—as a helpmate in every time of need
and in every period of life, he presented
“His last, best.gift to man,”
sº
Fair and beautiful the first woman came from the hand
of the Creator, and in the garden of Eden, amid all the
freshness and loveliness of early nature stood the first couple
—the first husband and wife—the parents of the countless
myriads, who in future ages were to inhabit the whole
extent of the globe: -
“For contemplation he, and valour formed;
For softness she, and sweet attractive grace.”
It is unquestionable, then, that marriage has received the
divine sanction. Reason also urges its propriety. With-
Out it, the world would soon become a barren, unpeopled
desert—without it, society would be broken up—without
it, parental and filial affection would be only a dream.
By its existence, it operates as a moral restraint upon licen.








DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 45
tiousness of principle and action. It stands at the altar, and
by its holy incense it hallows the temple of love.
The charms of domestic life and the blessings of matri-
mony, have been sung in the sweetest strains of the poet.
Man is characterized by strength of body and energy of
action—woman by delicacy of frame and modesty of de-
meanour. It is her office, by the unceasing attentions of
love and tenderness, by her gentleness and forbearance, to
soften the asperities and smooth the ruggedness of his nature.
It is his to protect her with the strength and fervency of
manly affection, from the snares and pitfalls of a dangerous
World, to support her in the hour of weariness and amid all
the troublous scenes of an earthly existence.
The felicity of the married life depends upon the quiet
and endearing nature of its enjoyments—upon the inter-
change of those pure affections which otherwise die away
unknown and inactive. In the world, few traces of them
are perceptible. Ambition and interest—the turmoil of
business—the waywardness of the passions, and the thou-
Sand contentions of which it is the arena, make the soul turn
away with disgust from the contemplation of human nature.
What bitterness of feeling in strife what meanness of con-
duct in business! what fickleness in friendship ! what hardi-
hood in crime! -
It is only when we intrude into the privacy of the fire.
side, and mark the comforts of that sacred spot, that ex-
istence seems desirable. There the rivalry and bitterness
of the world are shut out: there the commotions of unholy
passions may not intrude: there unity of thought and affec-
tion renders every scene of pleasure doubly sweet, and blunts
the poignancy of every arrow of affliction.
In sickness and adversity what is such a “sweetener of
the ills of life,” as a bosom friend and partner, who regards
no sacrifice as too great, so that it conduce to the comfort
and happiness of the beloved object? Who can smooth the
pillow for the aching head like a wife or husband? Is it





46 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
not soothing to know, that however our worldly projects
may succeed—whether we rise as on eagles' wings, to the
summit of power and wealth, or sink to poverty and neg
lect, there is one friend whose affection will endure through
every trial, and be purer and stronger in proportion as it is
most needed ? -
But there is another circumstance to be regarded: Mar.
riage brings with it the blessings of parental love. Who is
there so selfish, or so wanting in the finer feelings of our
nature, as to desire not to be a parent? To trace the pro-
gress of a child, from the first lispings of infancy to the
ripeness of maturity—to direct the objects of study, and
instill the pure principles of morality and religion is, I con.
ceive, a most interesting and desirable employment. And
as the pilgrimage of life advances to its close, how grateful
must it be to the feelings, to experience the kind attentions
of a numerous and devoted offspring How must it sooth
the passage to the tomb! The parent may leave the world,
knowing that he has acquitted his duty to society, and the
children whom he leaves behind him will appreciate his
virtues and revere his memory.
And what has celibacy to offer, which shall counteract
these arguments and advantages? To say that marriages
are frequently unhappy, is no argument against matrimony;
because this always arises from ill conduct in the parties
concerned, where the feelings and actions are not regulated
in accordance with the principles of virtue and religion.
Without these principles, love and friendship are characteri.
zed by a spirit of selfishness which is often the cause of the
most bitter quarrels and contentions.
The state of celibacy in itself is gloomy and cheerless.
The person who has embraced it is a wanderer in a weary
world, with no haven of rest, no “ark of safety.” He has
denied himself the purest enjoyments of earth, and he has
plunged, alone and unaided, in the vortex of business or dis.
sipation. He may, for the present, be occupied in his pur-





DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 47
suits. But, at length, age will come upon him, and the
afflictions of disease and the ills of adversity. Then he will
find himself alone and miserable. The companions of his
youth are dead; the friends of his manhood have deserted
him in the hour of need; wife and children he has not.
What has he gained to repay him for the wanton sacrifice of
the holiest affections? Little—nothing—even if he be rich
or honourable.
The last hours of his existence are unhappy, for he finds
himself friendless; and he regrets, too late, that for the sake
of objects of little consequence to his happiness, he should
have neglected one of the most desirable of the mere earthly
blessings of Providence. -
c. foregoing Essay was politely presented by the author, Stephen
Ongar,

º
COMPARATIVE ESTIMATE of THE TWO SEXES CONSIDERED,
OR THE FEMALE SEX VINDICATED.
“Under his forming hands a creature grew,
Manlike, but different sex; so lovely fair,
That what seem’d fair in all the world, seem’d now
Mean, or in her summ’d up, in her contain'd,
And in her looks which from that time infus’d
Sweetness into my heart unfelt before.” MILTON,
IT seems evident, that there are certain moral boundaries,
which nature has drawn between the two sexes; and that
neither of them can pass over the limits of the other, without
equally deviating from the beauty and decorum of their re -
spective characters. Boadicea in armour, is, to me at least,
as extravagant a sight, as Achilles in petticoats.
In determining, therefore, the comparitive merit of the
two sexes, it is no derogation from female excellency, that
it differs in kind from that which distinguishes the male part
of our species. And if it generally shall be found (what,
upon an impartial inquiry, I believe, will most certainly be
found) that women fill up their appointed circle of action
with greater regularity and dignity than men; the claim of
preference cannot justly be decided in our favour. In the
prudential and economical parts of life, I think it undeniable
that they rise far above us. And if true fortitude of mind
is best discovered by a cheerful resignation to the measures
of Providence, we shall not find reason, perhaps, to claim
that most singular of the human virtues as our peculiar pri-
vilege. There are numbers of the other sex, who from the
natural delicacy of their constitution, pass through one con-
tinued scene of suffering, from their cradles to their graves,




DoMESTIC HAPPINESS PoETRAYED. 49
with a firmness of resolution, that would deserve so many
statues to be erected to their memories, if heroism were not
estimated more by the splendour than the merit of actions.
But whatever real difference there may be between the
moral or intellectual power of the male and female mind,
nature does not seem to have marked the distinction so
strongly as our vanity is willing to imagine : and after all,
perhaps, education will be found to constitute the principal
superiority. It must be acknowledged, at least, that in this
article, we have every advantage over the softer sex, that
art and industry can possibly secure to us. The most
animating examples of Greece and Rome are set before llS,
as early as we are capable of any observation; and the
noblest compositions of the ancients are given into our
hands, almost as soon as we have strength to hold them:
whilst the employments of the other sex, at the same period
of life, are generally the reverse of every thing that can
open and enlarge their minds, or fill them with just and
rational notions. The truth of it is, female education is so
much worse than none, as it is better to leave the mind to
its natural and uninstructed suggestions, than to lead it into
false pursuits, and contract its views, by turning them upon. -
the lowest and most trifling objects.
We seem, indeed, by the manner in which we suffer the
youth of that sex to be trained, to consider women agreea-
bly to the opinion of certain Mahometan doctors, and
treat them as if we believed that they have no souls: why
else are they - -- -- -
Bred only and completed to the taste º
Of lustful appetence, to sing, to dance,
To dress, and troul the tongue, and roll the eye -
MILtoN.
This strange neglect of cultivating the female mind Carl
hardly be allowed as good policy, when it is considered
how much the interest of society is concerned in the rec.
titude of their understandings. That season of every








50 I)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
man’s life, which is most susceptible of the strongest impres-
sions, is necessarily under female direction; as there are
few instances, perhaps, in which that sex is not one of the
secret springs, which regulates the most important move-
ments of private or public transactions. What Cato ob-
served of his countrywomen is in one respect true of every
nation under the Sun—“The Romans,” said he, “govern the
world, but it is the women that govern the Romans.”
If it be true, then, (as true beyond all peradventure it is,)
that female influence is thus extensive; nothing, certainly,
can be of greater importance, than to give it a proper ten-
dency, by the assistance of a well-directed education. Far
am I from recommending any attempts to render women
learned, yet surely it is necessary that they should be raised
above ignorance. Such a general tincture of the most
useful sciences, as may serve to free the mind from vulgar
prejudices, and give it a relish for the rational exercise of
its powers, might very justly enter into the plan of female
their reflections into a proper channel, without any danger
of rendering them too elevated for the feminine duties of life.
Providence for use as well as show, and trained up not only
as women, but as rational creatures. MELMOTH,
The views entertained half a century ago of the duty
and destiny of woman, by those panegyrists even who es-
sayed to be the most generous, were mistaken and pre-
scribed. Softened as they are by the courteous saving-
clauses demanded of a tender gallantry, the limits then as:
ting and derogatory. There is a ready and abundant
assent to that pre-eminence in the social attributes of
education. That sex might be taught to turn the course of
In a word, I would have them considered as designed by
signed to the elevation of the female character are humilia-







IDOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. . 51
-
the heart which nature has fitly established in them; and
abundant encouragement to the all-engrossing “study of
household good,” as the “ne plus ultra,” of feminine per-
fection. It is, however, stopping far short of the dignity
which the female mind is capable of attaining, to exalt thus
those lively graces and ready promptings of the heart, that
are but the beautiful characteristics of the sex. These at-
tributes by which the Author of being has stamped a bold
yet blending variety in the sexes, endearing and inestimable
as they are, are but a feeble boast compared with mental
and moral perſections that result from the culture of the
head and heart. From their affinity to the physical texture
of our frames, “mysteriously and wonderfully wrought,”
they must at least be humbled to the grade of virtues made
of necessity. The encomium then, in its length and breadth,
is but the rightful homage always yielded to feminine
sharms—the dutiful recognition of
*Those thousand decencies which daily flow
- From all their words and actions.”
Surely there is a degree of worth, which the mind of
Woman was destined to reach, of an order high above
these “thousand daily decencies.” A later day of im-
provement enables us, without the aid of a compassion-
ating gallantry, to bear testimony to her elevated entellec-
tual and moral dignity. An elevation attained without im-
pairing at all her characteristic “softness,”—that “sweet
attractive grace,” to preserve which it was thought fit to
eschew learning as a contagion—while its influence on the
social interchanges of life has been to deepen the affections
of the heart, ennoble its sympathies, and enlarge its charities.
Partial as the standard of education among females still-is,
à later age has seen the above aspiration of the liberal and
classical Melmoth more than answered. It is found that the
culture of mind carries with it its own cure for all the ima-
gined ills of rendering women learned; that the severity of


-
52 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
sober wisdom may hallow as well as pervert the virtues of
the heart. If the daughters of Eve, therefore, have in times
past shown themselves most prone to the “evil” of the “tree
of knowledge,” it is the privilege of a modern encomiast to
say, that it is beginning to be intrusted to them with full as-
surance that they will use it for the “good.” If the pre-
judices of other times doomed the youth of females to be
worn away in the study of those “dispatchful looks” and
“submissive charms,” which made up the idea of “house.
hold good,”—than which - -
º “to know no more
sº - -
Was woman's happiest knowledge and her praise"—
the enlightened liberality of the present age is educating
her to a communion of tastes, sentiments, and sympathies
with the other sex : a union as much more exalted and
abiding, as the sentiment of love is above passion, or intel-
lectual pleasures more lasting than personal charms.
The boast may not be wholly confined to modern times.
There are examples on record, and eminent examples, of
the sex breaking over the boundaries of custom and preju-
dice, and attaining feats of mind that should long since have
dislodged reproach; and proved that what has seemed a dis-
tinction in intellectual power, has been more a difference of
privilege. The memoirs of a Lady Jane Grey, a Lady
Russell, a Mrs. Trimmer, a Mrs. Carter, and others, pre-
sent instances of great strength of understanding, united to
feminine virtue, and sanctified, withal, by piety, which form
not only a vindication of the dignity of the sex, but one of
the proud boasts of their country. History brings down to
us facts concerning the former of these—if we remember
that she was immolated to a cold and pitiless ambition at
the tender age of eighteen, in all her youth, and beauty, and
innocence—which place her well nigh without a parallel in
either sex.
Lady Jane Grey, says her biographer, very early in



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 53

life gave astonishing proofs of the greatness of her mind.
Though there was very little difference in age between
her and King Edward the Sixth, who was thought almost a
miracle, yet in learning she was not only equal to him, but
his superior. Her person was extremely pleasing, but the
beauties of her mind were still more engaging. She had
great abilities and great virtues; and, as Bishop Burnell
says of her, “She was the wonder and delight of all who
knew her.” Female accomplishments were not improbably
the first part of her education. Her genius appeared in the
performances of her needle, and in the beautiful characters
in which she wrote. She played admirably on various
instruments of music, and accompanied them with a voice
exquisitely sweet in itself, and assisted by all the graces
which art could bestow. -
Her father, the Marquis of Dorset, had himself a tincture
of letters, and was a patron of learned men. He had two
chaplains, Harding and Aylmer, both eminent for their
literature, whom he employed as tutors to his daughter.
Under these instructers she made a most extraordinary pro-
ficiency. She spoke and wrote her own language with
"peculiar accuracy, and it is said, that the French, Italian,
Latin, and especially the Greek tongues, were as natural to
her as her own; for she not only understood them perfectly,
but wrote them with the utmost freedom ; and this, not in
the opinion of superficial judges, but of Mr. Ascham, and
Dr. Aylmer; men who, in point of veracity, were as much
above suspicion, as in respect of abilities they were incapable
of being deceived. She was also versed in Hebrew, Chal-
dee, and Arabic, and all this when she was in a manner a
child in age.” Roger Ascham, tutor to the lady Elizabeth,
gives in a letter the following account of one of the visits
which it was his pleasure to make her.
“Before I went into Germany,” says he, “I came to
Broadgate in Leicestershire, to take my leave of that noble

- * * Burder.
5% º
54 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI),
lady, Jane Grey, to whom I was exceeding much beholden.
Her parents, the duke and duchess, with all the household,
gentlemen and gentlewomen, were hunting in the park. I
found her in her chamber reading Phoedo Platonis in Greek,
and that with as much delight, as some gentlemen would
read a merry tale in Boccace. After salutation and duty
done, with some other talk, I asked her why she should lose
such pastime in the park? Smiling, she answered me: “I
wist all their sport in the park is but a shadow to that plea-
sure I find in Plato. Alas! good folk, they never felt what
true pleasure meant.” Her heart, full of this passion for
literature, and the elegant arts, and of tenderness towards
her husband, who was deserving of her affections, had never
opened itself to the flattering allurements of ambition; and
the intelligence of her elevation to the throne was no wise
agreeable to her. She even refused to accept of the present;
pleaded the preferable title of the two princesses; expressed
her dread of the consequences attending an enterprise so
dangerous, not to say so criminal, and desired to remain in
the private station in which she was born.
A rare specimen of moral fortitude and tried piety is pre-
sented in her conduct immediately preceding her own and
her husband’s execution. She is said to have confronted
with great presence of mind and ability the Romish priests
sent to her prison by the bigoted Mary, harassing her last
hours with their disputations: and wrote at the same time a
letter to her sister in the Greek language, accompanying a
copy of the Scriptures in that tongue, exhorting her to a like
steady perseverance. She had the firmness, on the day of
her execution, to decline an interview solicited by her hus:
band,whom she tenderly loved, informing him by message, that
the tenderness of their parting would overcome the fortitude
of both, and too much unbend their minds from the constancy
which their approaching end required of them; their sepa.
ration, she said, would be only for a moment; and they |
would soon rejoin each other in a scene, where their affec-
*

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 55
tions would be for ever united, and where death, disappoint-
ments, and misfortunes could no longer have access to them,
or disturb their eternal felicity.”
With what a ready accord, and in what full measure, has
posterity responded to the trust placed in them by this pure
and gentle victim, in one of the sentences which she is said
to have left written upon her table-book in Latin, Greek and
English—“ If my fault deserved punishment, my youth at
least and my imprudence were worthy of excuse. God and
posterity will show me favour.” There is reason and plea-
sure in the belief that she is now verifying in heaven the truth
of another, prompted at seeing her husband's dead body borne
back from execution—“If his slain body shall give testimony
against me before men, his most blessed soul shall render
eternal proof of my innocence in the presence of God.”
* Hume.

ON THE NATURE AND END OF MARRIAGE, AND THE MEANS
BY WHICH TIIAT END IS TO BE OBTAINED.
“Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall
cleave unto his wife.” -
IT may be asserted to the honour of marriage, that it has
few adversaries among men either distinguished for their
abilities, or eminent for their virtue. Those who have as-
sumed the province of attacking it, of overturning the con-
stitution of the world, of encountering the authority of the
wisest legislators from whom it has received the highest
sanction of human wisdom; and subverting the maxim of
the most flourishing states, in which it has been dignified
with honours, and promoted with immunities; those who have -
undertaken the task of contending with reason and expe.
rience, with earth and heaven, are men who seem generally
not selected by nature for great attempts, or difficult un-
dertakings. They are, for the most part, such as owe not
their determinations to their arguments, but their arguments
to their determinations; disputants heated, not with zeal for
the right, but with the rage of licentiousness and impatience
of restraint. And perhaps to the sober, the understanding,
and the pious, it may be sufficient to remark, that marriage
and religion have the same enemies.
That an institution designed only for the promotion of hap.
piness, and for the relief of the disappointments, anxieties
and distresses to which we are subject in our present state,
does not always produce the effects for which it was appoint.
ed; that it sometimes condenses the gloom which it was in:
tended to dispel, and increases the weight which was expect.




DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 57
ed to be made lighter by it; must, however unwillingly, be
yet acknowledged.
It is to be considered, to what causes effects so unex-
pected and unpleasing, so contrary to the end of the institu-
tion, and so unlikely to arise from it, are to be attributed.
It is necessary to inquire, whether those who are thus un-
happy, are to impute their misery to any other cause than
their own folly, and to the neglect of those duties which
prudence and religion equally require.
That nothing but vice or folly obstructs the happiness of
a married life, may be made evident by examining,
First, The nature and end of marriage. -
Secondly, The means by which that end is to be at-
tained.
First, The nature and end of marriage.
The vow of marriage may be considered as a vow of per-
petual and indissoluble friendship; friendship which no
change of fortune, nor any alteration of external circumstan.
ces, can be allowed to interrupt or weaken. After the com-
mencement of this state there remain no longer any sepa-
rate interests; the two individuals become united, and are

therefore to enjoy the same felicity, and suffer the same
misfortunes; to have the same friends and the same enemies,
the same success and the same disappointments. -
It has long been observed, that friendship is to be con-
fined to one, or that, to use the words of the axiom, he that
hath friends, hath no friend. That ardour of kindness, that
unbounded confidence, that unsuspecting security, which
friendship requires, cannot be extended beyond a single
object. A divided affection may be termed benevolence,
but can hardly rise to friendship; for the narrow limits of
the human mind allow it not intensely to contemplate more
than one idea.
It is remarked, that friendship amongst equals is the most
lasting; and perhaps there are few causes to which more
unhappy marriages are to be ascribed, than a disproportion
58 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
between the original condition of the two persons. Differ.
ence of condition makes difference of education; and differ.
ence of education produces differences of habits, sentiments,
and inclinations. Thence arise contrary views, and oppo.
site schemes, of which the frequent though not necessary
consequences are, debates, disgust, alienation, and settled
hatred.
Strict friendship is to have the same desires and aversions.
Whoever is to choose a friend is to consider first the resem-
blance, or the dissimilitude of tempers. How necessary
this caution is to be urged as preparatory to marriage, the
misery of those who neglect it sufficiently evinces. To
enumerate all the varieties of disposition, to which it may
on this occasion be convenient to attend, would be a tedious
task; but it is at least proper to enforce on this head one
precept, which was never yet broken without fatal conse.
quences: Let the religion of the man and the woman be the
same. How can he be happy, who sees the person most
dear to him in a state of dangerous error, and ignorant of
those Sacred truths, which are necessary to the approbation
of God, and to future felicity ? If they previously stipulate
for the free enjoyment of their own opinion; the education
of children will soon make it necessary to determine, which
of the two opinions shall be transmitted to their posterity;
and how can either consent to train up in error and delusion
those from whom they expect the highest satisfactions, and
the only comforts of declining life 2
On account of this conformity of notions it is, that equality
of condition is chiefly eligible; for as friendship, so mar-
riage, either finds or makes an equality. No disadvantage
of birth or fortune ought to impede the exaltation of virtue
and wisdom; for with marriage begins union, and union
obliterates all distinctions. It may indeed become the per-
son who received the benefit, to remember it, that gratitude
may heighten affection; but the person who conferred it
ought to forget it, because, if it was deserved, it cannot be

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 59

mentioned without injustice, nor if undeserved, without im-
prudence. All reproaches of this kind must be either re-
tractions of a good action, or proclamations of our own
weakness.
Friends, says the proverbial observation, have every thing
in common. This is likewise implied in the marriage cove-
nant. Matrimony admits of no separate possessions, nor in-
communicable interests. This rule, like all others, has been
often broken by low views and sordid stipulations; but, like
all other precepts, founded on reason and truth, it has re-
ceived a new confirmation from almost every breach of it;
and those parents, whose age had no better effect upon their
understanding, than to fill them with avarice and stratagem,
have brought misery and ruin on their children, by the
means which they weakly imagined conducive to their
happiness. -
There is yet another precept equally relating to friend-
ship and to marriage; a precept which, in either case, can
never be too strongly inculcated, or too scrupulously ob-
served: contract friendship only with the good. Virtue is
the first quality to be considered in the choice of a friend,
and yet more in a fixed and irrevocable choice, This max-
im surely requires no comment, nor any vindication; it is
equally clear and certain, obvious to the superficial, and in-
contestable by the most accurate examiner. To dwell
upon it is therefore superfluous; for, though often neglected,
it never was denied. Every man will, without hesitation,
Confess, that it is absurd to trust a known deceiver, or vo-
luntarily to depend for quiet and happiness upon insolence,
°ruelty, and oppression. Thus marriage appears to differ
from friendship chiefly in the degree of its efficacy, and the
authority of its institution. It was appointed by God him.
self as necessary to happiness, even in a state of innocence;
and the relation produced by it was declared more power.
ful than that of birth. Therefore shall a man leave his
father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife. But
60 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
as notwithstanding its conformity to human nature, it some.
times fails to produce the effects intended, it is necessary to
Inquire, -
Secondly, Bx what means the end of marriage is to be
attained.
As it appears, by examining the matural system of the
universe, that the greatest and the smallest bodies are in-
vested with the same properties, and moved by the same
laws; so a survey of the moral world will inform us, that
greater or less societies are to be made happy by the same
means; and that however relations may be varied, or cir.
cumstances changed, virtue, and virtue alone, is the parent
of felicity. We can only, in whatever state we may be
placed, secure ourselves from disquiet and from misery, by a
resolute attention to truth and reason. Without this, it is
in vain that a man chooses a friend, or cleaves to a wife. If
passion be suffered to prevail over right, and the duties of |
our state are broken through, or neglected, for the sake of
gratifying our anger, our pride, or our revenge, the union of
hearts will quickly be dissolved, and kindness will give way
to resentment and aversion. - - |
The duties, by the practice of which a married life is to
be made happy, are the same with those of friendship, but
exalted to higher perfection. Love must be more ardent,
and confidence without limits. It is therefore necessary on
each part to deserve that confidence by the most unshaken
fidelity, and to preserve their love unextinguished by con-
tinual acts of tenderness ; not only to detest all real, but
seeming offences; and to avoid suspicion and guilt, with
almost equal solicitude.
But since the frailty of our nature is such, that we cannot
hope from each other an unvaried rectitude of conduct, or
an uninterrupted course of wisdom or virtue ; as folly
will sometimes intrude upon an unguarded hour; and
temptations, by frequent attacks, will sometimes prevail;
one of the chief acts of love is, readily to forgive er.



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 61
the calm moments of recollection silently expected. For
if one offence be made a plea for another; if anger be to be
opposed with anger, and reproach retorted for reproach,
either the contest must be continued for ever, or one must at
last, be obliged by violence to do what might have been at
first done, not only more gracefully, but with more advan-
tage. -
Religion, which subdues every baneful appetite and pas-
sion, and inspires the most sincere affection towards the
friend of our bosom, is then the basis of happiness, and the
operating power which makes every good institution valid
and efficacious. And he who shall attempt to attain happi-
ness by the means which God has ordained, shall surely find
the highest degree of satisfaction that our present state allows,
if, in his choice, he pays the first regard to virtue, and regu-
Hates his conduct by the precepts of religion.

PERSONAL BEAUTY PRODUCED BY MORAL SENTIMENT,
Nunc scio quid sit AMoR. VIRGIL,
. Now know I what is LovE.
Though the danger of disappointment is always in pro-
portion to the height of expectation, yet I now claim the at:
tention of the ladies, and profess to teach an art by which all
may obtain what has hitherto been deemed the prerogative
of a few ; an art by which their predominant passion may
be gratified, and their conquests not only extended but se.
cured : “the art of being pretty.”
But though my subject may interest the ladies, it may,
perhaps, offend those profound moralists, who have long since
determined, that beauty ought rather to be despised than
desired; that, like strength, it is a mere natural excel. -
lence, the effect of causes wholly out of our power, and
not intended either as the pledge of happiness or the distinc.
tion of merit.
To these gentleman I shall remark, that beauty is among
those qualities which no effort of human wit could ever bring
into contempt; it is, therefore, to be wished at least, that
beauty was in some degree dependent upon sentiment and
manners, that so high a privilege might not be possessed by
the unworthy, and that human reason might no longer suffer
the mortification of those who are compelled to adore an
idol, which differs from a stone or a log only by the skill of
the artificer: and if they cannot themselves behold beauty
with indifference, they must, surely, approve an attempt to
show that it merits their regard.
I shall, however, principally consider that species of
beauty which is expressed in the countenance; for this
--
-
|
|



7)0MESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 63
alone is peculiar to human beings, and is not less complica-
ted than their nature. In the countenance there are but two
requisites to perfect beauty, which are wholly produced by
external causes, colour and proportion: and it will appear
that even in common estimation these are not the chief; but
that though there may be beauty without them, yet there
cannot be beauty without something more.
The finest features, ranged in the most exact symmetry,
and heightened by the most blooming complexion, must be
animated before they can strike ; and when they are
animated, will generally excite the same passions which
they express. If they are fixed in the dead calm of insensi-
bility, they will be examined without emotion; and if they
do not express kindness, they will be beheld without love.
Łooks of contempt, disdain, or malevolence, will be reflected,
as from a mirror, by every countenance on which they are
turned; and if a wanton aspect excites desire, it is but like
that of a savage for his prey, which cannot be gratified
without the destruction of its object.
Among particular graces the dimple has always been
allowed the pre-eminence, and the reason is evident; dim-
ples are produced by a smile, and a smile is an expression
of complacency: so the contraction of the brows into a
frown, as it is an indication of a contrary temper, has always
been deemed a capital defect. -
The lover is generally at a loss to define the beauty by
which his passion was suddenly and irresistibly determined
to a particular object: but this could never happen, if it de-
Pended upon any known rule of proportion, upon the shape
or the disposition of features, or the colour of the skin: he tells
you that it is something which he cannot fully express,
something not fixed in any feature, but diffused over all; he
galls it a sweetness, a softness, a placid sensibility, or gives
* Some other appellation which connects beauty with senti.
**t, and expresses a charm which is not peculiar to any

set of features, but is perhaps possible to all.
64 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
This beauty, however, does not always consist in smiles,
but varies as expressions of meekness and kindness vary
with their objects : it is extremely forcible in the silent
complaint of patient sufferance, the tender solicitude
of friendship, and the glow of filial obedience; and in
tears, whether of joy, of pity, or of grief, it is almost
irresistible.
This is the charm which captivates without the aid of
nature, and without which her utmost bounty is ineffectual,
But it cannot be assumed as a mask to conceal insensibility
or malevolence; it must be the genuine effect of corres.
ponding sentiments, or it will impress upon the countenance
a new and more disgusting deformity, affectation : it will
produce the grin, the simper, the stare, the languish, the
pout, and innumerable other grimaces, that render folly
ridiculous, and change pity to contempt. By some
indeed, this species of hypocrisy has been practised with
such skill as to deceive superficial observers, though it
can deceive even these but for a moment. Looks which
do not correspond with the heart, cannot be assumed
without labour, nor continued without pain ; the motive
to relinquish them must therefore soon preponderate, and
the aspect and apparel of the visit will be laid by to
gether, the smiles and the languishments of art will vanish,
and the fiercenesss of rage, or the gloom of discontent, will
either obscure or destroy all the elegance of symmetry and
complexion. -
The artificial aspect is, indeed, as wretched a substitute
for the expression of sentiment, as the smear of paint for the
blushes of health : it is not only equally transient, and
equally liable to detection ; but as pain leaves the coun:
tenance yet more withered and ghastly, the passions
burst out with more violence after restraint, the features
become more distorted, and excite more determined
aversion.


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, - 65
Beauty, therefore, depends principally upon the mind, and
consequently may be influenced by education. It has been
remarked, that the predominant passion may generally be
discovered in the countenance; because the muscles by
which it is expressed, being almost perpetually contracted,
lose their tone, and never totally relax; so that the expres-
sion remains, when the passion is suspended : thus an angry,
a disdainful, a subtil, or a suspicious temper, is displayed in
characters that are almost universally understood. It is
equally true of the pleasing and the softer passions, that
they leave their signatures upon the countenance when they
cease to act: the prevalence of these passions, therefore,
produces a mechanical effect upon the aspect, and gives a
turn and cast to the features, which make a more favourable
and forcible impression upon the mind of others, than any
charm produced by mere external causes.
Neither does the beauty which depends upon temper and
sentiment equally endanger the possessor: “It is,” to use
an eastern metaphor, “like the towers of a city, not only
an Ornament but a defence.” If it excite desire, it at once
Controls and refines it; it represses with awe, it softens with
delicacy, and it wins to imitation. The love of reason and
of virtue is mingled with the love of beauty; because this
beauty is little more than the emanation of intellectual ex-
cellence, which is not an object of corporeal appetite. As it
excites a purer passion, it also more forcibly engages to fi-
delity; every man finds himself more powerfully restrained
from giving pain to goodness, than to beauty; and every
look of a countenance in which they are blended, in which
beauty is the expression of goodness, is a silent reproach
of the first irregular wish; and the purpose immediate.
ly appears to be disingenuous and cruel, by which the ten- -
der hope of ineffable affection would be disappointed, the
placid confidence of unsuspecting simplicity, abused, and
the peace even of virtue endangered by the most sordid
infidelity, and the breach of the strongest obligations.

6 *
66 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
But the hope of the hypocrite must perish. When the
factitious beauty has laid by her smiles; when the lustre
of her eyes and the bloom of her cheeks have lost their
influence with their novelty; what remains but a tyrant
divested of power, who will never be seen without a mix.
ture of indignation and disdain? The only desire which
this object could gratify, will be transferred to another,
not only without reluctance, but with triumph. As re-
sentment will succeed to disappointment, a desire to mortify
will succeed to a desire to please; and the husband may
be urged to solicit a mistress, merely by a remembrance
of the beauty of his wife, which lasted only till she was
known.
Let it, therefore, be remembered, that none can be disci-
ples of the Graces, but in the school of virtue; and that
those who wish to be lovely, must learn early to be good.
.

THE LADIES DIRECTED IN THE CHOICE of A HUSBAND.—Good
INATURE DESCRIBED.
Felices ter et amplius
Quos irrupta tenet copula: nec malis
Divulsus querimoniis
Suprema citius solvet amor die. Hor.
Thrice happy they, in pure delights,
Whom love with mutual bonds unites;
Unbroken by complaints or strife, -
And binding each to each for life. FRANcts.
THOUGH I devote this lucubration to the ladies, yet there
are some parts of it which I hope will not be wholly
useless to the gentlemen: and, perhaps, both may expect to
be addressed upon a subject, which to both is of equalim-
portance.
It has been universally allowed, and with great reason,
that between persons who marry there should be some de-
gree of equality, with respect to age and condition. Those
who violate a known truth, deserve the infelicity they incur:
I shall, therefore, only labour to preserve innocence by detect-
ing error.
With some ladies it is a maxim, that “the best husband is
a reformed rake;” a maxim which they have probably de-
rived from comedies and novels, in which such a husband is
commonly the reward of female merit. But the belief of this
maxim is an incontestible proof, that with the true character
of a rake the ladies are wholly unacquainted. “They have,”
indeed, “heard of a wild young gentleman, who would rake
about the town, and take up his lodging at a bagnio; who

68 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
had told many a girl a pretty story, that was fool enough
to believe him; and had a right to many a child that did not
call him father: but that in some of these frolics he thought
no harm, and for others he had sufficiently suffered.” But
let the adventurer be believed, these are words of dreadful
import, and should always be thus understood :
“To rake about town and lodge at a bagnio, is to associate
with the vilest and most abandoned of human beings; it is to
become familiar with blasphemy and lewdness, and frequent-
ly to sport with the most deplorable misery: to tell pretty
stories to credulous girls, is to deceive the simplicity of inno-
cence by cunning and falsehood: to be the father of a name.
less progeny, is to desert those, whose tears only can implore
the protection, to which of all others they have the strongest
and the tenderest claim; it is more than to be a man without
affection, it is to be a brute without instinct. To think no
harm in some of these frolics, is to have worn out all sensi-
bility of the difference between right and wrong; and to have
suffered for others, is to have a body contaminated with dis-
eases, which in some degree are certainly transmitted to pos-
terity.”
It is to be hoped that the mere exhibition of this picture,
will be sufficient to deter the ladies from precluding happi-
ness by marrying the original; and from discouraging vir-
tue, by making vice necessary to the character which they
prefer.
But they frequently act upon another principle, which,
though not equally fatal and absurd, may yet produce great
infelicity. -
When the rake is excluded, it will be generally supposed,
that superior intellectual abilities ought always to determine
the choice. “A man of fine sense” is, indeed, a cha-
racter of great dignity; and the ladies have always been
advised to prefer this to every other, as it includes a ca-
pacity to bestow “that refined, exalted, and permanent,
felicity, which alone is worthy of a rational being.” But

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 69
I think it probable, that this advice, however specious, has
been often given for no other reason, than because to give
it flattered the vanity of the writer, who fondly believed he
was drawing his own character and exciting the envy and
admiration of his readers. This advice, however, the ladies
universally affect to approve, and probably for a similar
reason; since every one imagines, that to hold intellectual
excellence in high estimation, is to demonstrate that she
possesses it.
As he that would persuade, should be scrupulously care-
ful not to offend, I will not insinuate that there are any
ladies, by whom the peculiar beauties of an exalted under-
standing cannot be discerned ; and who have not, therefore,
a capacity for half the pleasure which it can bestow. And
yet I think there is another excellence which is much more
essential to conjugal felicity, good nature. -
I know that good nature has, like Socrates, been ridicule
in the habit of fully ; and that folly has been dignified by
the name of good nature. But by good nature, I do not
mean that inflexible imbecility of mind which complies with
every request, and inclines a man at once to accompany an
acquaintance to a brothel at the expense of his health, and
to keep an equipage for a wife at the expense of his estate.
Persons of this disposition have seldom more benevolence
than fortitude, and frequently perpetrate deliberate cruelty.
In true good nature, there is neither the acrimony of
spleen, nor the sullenness of malice; it is neither clamorous
nor fretful, neither easy to be offended, nor impatient to re-
Venge ; it is a tender sensibility, a participation of the pains
and pleasures of others ; and is therefore a forcible and
constant motive, to communicate happiness and alleviate
misery. - -
As human nature is, from whatever cause, in a state of
great imperfection, it is surely to be desired, that a person
whom it is most our interest to please, should not see more
of this imperfection than we do ourselves,

70 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
I shall perhaps be told, that “a man of sense can never
use a woman ill.” The latter part of this proposition is
a phrase of very extensive and various signification: whether
a man of sense “can use a woman ill,” I will not inquire;
but I shall endeavour to show, that he may make her ex-
tremely wretched.
Persons of keen penetration and great delicacy of senti.
ment, as they must necessarily be more frequently offended
than others, so, as a punishment for the offence, they can
inflict more exquisite pain, because they can wound with
more poignant reproach ; and by him, whom good nature
does not restrain from retaliating the pain that he feels, the
offence, whether voluntary or not, will always be thus
punished. - -
If this punishment is suffered with silence, confusion, and
tears, it is possible that the tyrant may relent; but this,
like the remorse of a murderer, is too late: the dread of
incurring the same anguish by a like fault, will substitute
for the smile of cheerfulness, that sunshine of beauty, the
glooms of doubt, solicitude, and anxiety: the offence will
notwithstanding be again repeated ; the punishment, the
distress, and the remorse, will again return ; because error
is involuntary, and anger is not restrained. If the reproach
is retorted, and, whether it was deserved, becomes the subject ,
of debate, the consequences are yet more dreadful : after a
vain attempt to show an incongruity, which can no more be
perceived than sounds by the deaf, the husband will be in-
sulted for causeless and capricious displeasure, and the wife
for folly, perverseness, and obstimacy. In these circum-
stances, what will become of “the refined, the exalted, and
the permanent felicity, which alone is worthy of reasonable
beings, and which elevated genius only can bestow !”
That this conduct is by a man of sense known to to
wrong, I am content to allow : but it must also be granted,
that the discernment of wrong is not always a propensity to
right; and that if pain was never inflicted but when it was

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 71
known to produce salutary effects, mankind would be much
more happy than they are.
Good nature, therefore, if intellectual excellence cannot
atone for the want of it, must be admitted as the highest per-
sonal merit. If, without it, wisdom is not kind; without it,
folly must be brutal. Let it, therefore, be once more re-
peated, “The quality most essential to conjugal felicity, is
good nature.” And surely, whatever accidental difference
there may happen to be in the conceptions or judgment of a
husband and wife, if neither can give pain or pleasure with-
out feeling it themselves, it is easy to perceive, which sen-
sation they will concur to produce.
It may now be expected, that I should give some general
rules, by which the ladies may discover the disposition of
those, by whom they are addressed; but it is extremely diffi-
cult to detect malevolence amidst the assiduities of court.
ship, and to distinguish the man under that almost inscrutable
disguise, the lover. Good nature, however, is not indicated
by the fulsome fawning of a perpetual grin, the loud laugh-
ter which almost anticipates the jest, or the constant echo of
every sentiment; neither is it safe to trust the appearance
of profuse liberality, or busy officiousness. Let it rather be
remarked, how the lover is affected by incidents, in which
the lady is not concerned ; what is his behaviour to his im.
mediate dependants, and whether they approach him with a
Slavish timidity, or with the cheerful reverence of voluntary
servitude. Is he ever merry at the expense of another;
or does he ever attempt thus to excite mirth in his mistress?
Does he mention the absent with candour, and behave to those
who are present with a manly complacency By a diligent
attendance to these circumstances, perhaps a probable judg-
ment may be formed of his character.
To conclude with a general remark: good nature is not
of less importance to ourselves than to others. The morose
and petulant first feel the anguish that they give : reproach,
revilings, and invective, are but the overflowings of their
-

72 DoMESTIC HAPPINEss PortRAYED.
own infelicity, and are constantly again forced back upon-
their source. Sweetness of temper is not, indeed, an acqui.
red but a natural excellence; and therefore, to recommend
it to those who have it not, may be deemed rather an insult
than advice. But let that which in happier natures is in-
stinct, in these be reason; let them pursue the same conduct,
impelled by a nobler motive. As the sourness of the crab
enhances the value of the graft, so that which on its parent
plant is good nature, will on a less kindly stock be improved
into virtue. No action by which others receive pleasure or
pain, is indifferent; the sacred rule, “Do that to others
which ye would that others should do to you,” extends to
every deed; and “every word shall be brought into judg-
ment.”



DIRECTIONS TO LADIES FOR THEIR CONDUCT TO A HUSBAND.
—Aspera
Nigris a quora ventis
Emirabitur insolems, --
Qui nunc te fruitur credulus aurea
Qui semper vacuam, semper amabilem
Sperat, nescius aura,
º Fallacis /
- How often shall th’ unpractised youth
Of altered gods and injured truth,
- With tears, alas! complain!
How soon behold with wondering eyes
The black’ning winds tempestuous rise,
And scowl along the main?
While by his easy faith betray’d,
He now enjoys thee, golden maid,
Thus amiable and kind;
He fondly hopes that you shall prove
Thus ever vacant to his love,
Nor heeds the faithless wind.
THE ladies, to whom I lately addressed some thoughts
upon the choice of a husband, I shall now consider as mar-
ried : and as I am very far from thinking, that they may
now sit down in negligent security, and remit at once their
assiduity and circumspection, I shall warn them of some
opinions of which this conduct is the consequence, detect,
some errors by which the general intention of good nature
may be disappointed, and endeavour to put them upon their
guard against some propensities by which it may be over,
borne. -
It is now necessary to remind them, that the passion
which is supposed to animate the lover, the passion which
is represented by flames and darts, which swells the bosom
With perpetual rapture, and neither changes its object nor






7 - -
74 - DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
loses its ardour, exists only in poetry and romance. The
real passion which wit and folly have thus concurred to
disguise, is subject to disgust and satiety, is excited by no-
velty, and frequently extinguished by possession.
But there is an esteem which is meliorated by love, and
a love that is elevated by esteem; a kind of mixed affection
peculiar to mankind, as beings compounded of instinct and
reason, or, in other words, of body and mind. This is that
species of affection, upon which the supreme or peculiar
happiness of marriage depends, and which can scarce be
preserved without a constant attention and perpetual efforts.
As love without esteem is volatile and capricious, esteem
without love is languid and cold. I am afraid that many
men, whose wives have possessed their esteem, have yet
lavished their fortune and their fondness upon a mistress;
and that the love of others, however ardent, has been
quickly alienated, because it was not dignified and supported
by esteem. -
Though good nature does indeed participate the pains
and the pleasures of others, and may there be considered
as a constant and forcible motive to communicate happiness
and alleviate misery; yet it is at best but the imperfect ex-
cellence of imperfect beings, whose immediate gratifications
are often selfish, and such as folly or vice render incom-
patible with the true happiness of the individual, and of each
other.
As there is not, perhaps, upon earth, any couple, whose
natural dispositions and relish of life are so perfectly similar,
as that their wills constantly coincide; so it must sometimes
happen, that the immediate pleasure of indulging opposite
inclinations, will be greater than a participation of that
pleasure, which would arise to the other, if this indulgence
should be forborne; but as to forbear this indulgence can
never fail to conciliate esteem, it should always be considered
as a means of happiness, and rather as an advantage than
a loss; especially if it be true, that the indulgence itself in

I}OM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 75
these circumstances, never gives the pleasure that it pro-
mises.
Mrs. Charlotte Sprightly, the wife of a young merchant,
was dressing for an assembly a few nights ago, when her
husband came in. “My dear Charlotte,” says he, “I am
Sorry that you are going out to-night; for my cousin George
is just arrived from the East Indies; I have invited him to
sup; and as he has never seen you, I promised him your
company.” “Nay, dear Harry,” replied the lady, “do
not ask me to stay at home to-night; you know I am fond
of dancing; and now my fancy is set upon going, I am sure
you will not disappoint me.” Mr. Sprightly, who was truly
good natured, would not urge her to stay; for to stay with
apparent reluctance, would not have gratified his wish.
She perceived that he was secretly displeased; however,
away she went. But as she had not less good nature than
her husband, she suffered so much pain by reflecting on the
pain she had given him, that she often wished herself at
home. Thus she offended the delicacy of his affection, by
preferring a dance to the quiet of his mind; and forfeited
Part of the esteem which was due to that very good nature
by which she lost the enjoyment of the night.
In this instance, the pain inflicted upon the husband was
accidental tº the private gratification proposed by the wife.
- Tº -
But there is a passion very different both from malice and
rage, to the gratification of which, the pain of another is
Sometimes essentially necessary. This passion, which,
though its effects are often directly opposite to good nature,
is yet perhaps predominant in every breast, and indulged
at Whatever risk, is vanity. -
To a gratification of vanity, at the expense of reciprocal
ºsteem, the wife is certainly under much stronger temptation
than the husband ; and I warn the ladies against it, not only
with more zeal, but with greater hope of success; because
those only who have superior natural abilities, or have re-

76 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
ceived uncommon advantages from education, have it in
their power.
Successfully to rally a wife confers no honour upon a
husband ; the attempt is regarded as an insult rather than
a contest; it is exulting in a masculine strength to which
she makes no pretensions, and brandishing weapons which
she is not supposed to have skill to wield.
For the same reasons, to confute or to ridicule a husband
with an apparent superiority of knowledge or of wit, affords
all the parade of triumph to a wife; it is to be strong where
weakness is no reproach, and to conquer when it would
not have been dishonourable to fly. But these circum-
stances, which increase the force of the temptation, will be
found to afford proportionate motives to resist it; whatever
adds to the glory of the victor, adds equally to the dishonour
of the vanquished; and that which can exalt a wife only
by degrading a husband, will appear upon the whole not to
be worth the acquisition, even though it could be made
without changing fondness for resentment, or provoking
jealousy by an implication of contempt. If the ladies do
not perceive the force of this argument, I earnestly request
that they would for once trust implicitly to my judgment;
a request which, however extraordinary, is not unreasonable;
because in this instance the very vanity which hides truth
from them, must necessarily discover it to me.
But if good nature is sufficiently vigorous to secure the
esteem of reason, it may yet be too negligent to gratify the
delicacy of love : it must, therefore, not only be steady, but
watchful and assiduous; beauty must suffer no diminution
by inelegance, but every charm must contribute to keep the
heart which it contributed to win; whatever would have
been concealed as a defect from the lover, must with yet
greater diligence be concealed from the husband. The
most intimate and tender familiarity, cannot surely be sup:
posed to exclude decorum; and there is a delicacy in every
mind which is disgusted at the breach of it, though every

IDOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 77
mind is not sufficiently attentive to avoid giving an offence
which it has often received.
I shall conclude this paper, as I did my last on the same .
subject, with a general remark. As they who possess less
than they expected cannot be happy, to expatiate in chi-
merical prospects of felicity is to insure the anguish of dis-
appointment, and to lose the power of enjoying whatever
may be possessed. Let not youth, therefore, imagine, that
with all the advantages of nature and education, marriage
will be a constant reciprocation of delight, over which ex-
ternals will have little influence, and which time will rather
change than destroy. There is no perpetual source of
delight but Hope: so imperfect is the utmost temporal hap.
piness, that to possess it all, is to lose it. We enjoy that
which is before us; but when nothing more is possible, all
that is attained is insipid. Such is the condition of this life:
but let us not, therefore, think it of no value; for to be
placed in this life, is to be a candidate for a better.
7 *

OF LOVE. CHARACTERS OF VARIOUS LovERS.
Scorn me not, Chloe; me, whose faith well tried,
Long years approve, and honest passions guide ;
My spotless soul no foul affections move,
But chaste simplicity, and modest love :
Nor I, like shallow fops, from fair to fair
Roving at random, faithless passion swear,
But thou alone shall be my constant care. OvID,
ALMOST every man is, or has been, or at least thinks that
he is or has been, a lover. I have lately taken a survey
of the numerous tribe of Enamoratos; and, after having
observed the various shapes they wear, think I may safely
pronounce, that though all profess to have been in love,
there are very few who are really capable of it.
It is a maxim of Rochefoucault, that “many men would
never have been in love, if they had never heard of love.”
ridiculous prate of a family has frequently great influence
on young minds, who learn to love, as they do every thing
else, by imitation. Young creatures, almost mere children,
have been consumed with this second-hand flame.
That vast heap of volumes, filled with love, and sufficient
in number to make a library, are great inflamers, and
seldom fail to produce that kind of passion described by
Rochefoucault. The young student reads of the emotions.
of love, till he imagines that he feels them throbbing and
fluttering in his little breast; as valetudinarians study the
history of a disease, till they fancy themselves affected with
every symptom of it. For this reason I am always sorry
The justice of this remark is equal to its shrewdness. The


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 79
to see any of this trash in the hands of young people ; and
I am obliged to consider many romances and novels as no .
better than bawds or arrant pimps. -
Platonism, which dotes on the mind alone of its mistress,
and would fain see her naked soul divested of its material
incumbrances, is in these days very scarce; and there is
another class, infinitely more numerous, whom we may
justly distinguish by the title of Epicureans. The principles
of this sect are diametrically opposite to those of the Plato-
nics. They think no more of the soul of their mistress than
a Mussulman, but they are in raptures with her person. A
lover of this sort is in perpetual ecstacies: his passion is so
violent, that he even scorches you with his flame ; and he
runs over the perfections of his mistress in the same style .
that a jockey praises his horse : “Such limbs' such eyes |
Such a neck and breast ! such—O, she’s a rare piece ſº
Their ideas go no farther than mere external accomplish-
ments; and as their wounds may be said to be only skin
deep, we cannot allow their breasts to be smitten with love,
though perhaps they may rankle with a much grosser pas-
Sion. Yet it must be owned, that nothing is more common,
than for gentlemen of this cast to be involved in what is
Called a love-match.
Other gentlemen, of a gay disposition and warm consti-
tution, who go in the catalogue for lovers, are adorers of al-
most every woman they see. The flame of love is as
easily kindled in them, as the sparks are struck out of a
flint; and it also expires as soon. A lover of this sort
dances one day with a lady at a ball, and loses his heart to
her in a minuet; the next, another carries it off in the Mall;
and the next day perhaps he goes out of town, and lodges
it in the possession of all the country beauties successively,
till at last he brings it back to town with him, and presents
it to the first woman he meets. This class is very nume-
rous, but ought by no means to hold a place among the

80 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
tribe of true lovers; since a gentleman, who is thus in love
with every body, may fairly be said not to be in love at all.
Love is universally allowed to be whimsical; and, if
whim be the essence of love, none can be accounted truer
lovers than those who admire their mistress for some par-
ticular charm, which enchains them, though it would singly
never captivate any body else. Some gentlemen have
been won by a pair of fine arms; others have been held
fast by an even white set of teeth; and I know a very good
scholar, who was ensnared by a set of golden tresses, be
cause it was the taste of the ancients, and the true classical
hair. Those ladies, whose lovers are such piece-meal ad-
mirers, are in perpetual danger of losing them. A rash or
a pimple may abate their affection. All those, the object
of whose adoration is merely a pretty face, or a fine person,
are in the power of the like accidents; and the small-pox i
has occasioned many a poor lady the loss of her beauty and
her lover at the same time.
But, after all these spurious Enamoratos, there are some
few whose passion is sincere and well founded. True,
genuine love is always built upon esteem: not that I would
mean that a man can reason and argue himself into love;
but that a constant intercourse with an amiable woman will |
lead him into a contemplation of her excellent qualities, |
which will insensibly win his heart, before he is himself
aware of it, and beget those hopes and fears which are the
natural attendants on a true passion.
Love has been described ten thousand times: but that 1
may be sure that the little picture I would draw of it is
taken from nature, I will conclude this paper with the story
of honest Will Easy and his amiable wife. -
Will Easy and Miss became very early acquainted;
and, from being familiarly intimate with the whole family,
Will might almost be said to live there. Will and the
lady were both universally allowed to have sense, and their
frequent conversations together gave them undoubted proofs |




1) OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 81
of the goodness of each other's disposition. They delighted
in the company, and admired the perfections of each
other, and gave a thousand little indications of a growing
passion, not unobserved by others, even whilst it was yet un-
known and unsuspected by themselves. However, after
Some time, Will, by mutual agreement, demanded the lady
of her father in marriage. But, alas !“ the course of true
love never yet run smooth :” the ill-judged ambition of a pa.
rent induced the father, out of mere love to his daughter,
to refuse her hand to the only man in the world with whom
she could live happily, because he imagined, that he might,
as the phrase is, do better for her. But love, grounded on
just principles, is not easily shaken; and, as it appeared that
their mutual passion had taken too deep root ever to be ex-
tirpated, the father at last, reluctantly half consented to their
union. They enjoy a genteel competency ; and Will, by
his integrity and abilities, is an honour to a learned profes-
sion, and a blessing to his wife; whose greatest praise is, that
her virtues deserved such a husband. She is pleased with
having left “dress to duchesses;” he considers her happi-
ness as his main interest ; and their example every day
gives fresh conviction to the father, that where two persons
of strong sense and good hearts conceive a reciprocal affec-
tion for each other, their passion is genuine and lasting, and
their union is perhaps the truest state of happiness under the
Suns


-
ON MATCH-MAKING. OF MATCH-MAKERS BY PROFESSION.
ACCOUNT OF A DROLL ACCIDENT OCCASIONED BY THE
MISTAKE OF A MATCH-MAKER,
Officious couplers wantonly engage
Virtue with Vice, brisk Youth with frozen age;
Behold them groan beneath the iron yoke,
Hail the dear mischief, and enjoy the joke.
HoRACE TRANSL.
THOUGH I shall not as yet vouchsafe to let the reader so
far into my secrets, as to inform him whether I am married
or single, it may not be amiss to acquaint him, that, suppo.
sing I still remain a bachelor, it has not been the fault of
my friends or relations. On the contrary, as soon as I was
what they called settled in the world, they were so assidu.
ous in looking out a wiſe for me, that nothing was required
on my part but immediately to fall in love with the lady
they had pitched upon; and could I have complied with their
several choices, I should have been married at the same
time to a tall and a short, a plump and a slender, a young
and an old woman ; one with a great deal of money, and
another with none at all; each of whom was severally re-
commended by them as the properest person in the world
for me.
I know not how it happens, but it is notorious, that most
people take a pleasure in making matches; either thinking
matrimony to be a state of bliss, into which they would
charitably call all their friends and acquaintances; or per-
haps struggling in the toils, they are desirous of drawing
others into the net that ensnared them. Many matches have
been brought about between two persons, absolute strangers
to each other, through this kind mediation of friends, who
DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. * S3
are always ready to take upon them the office of an honour-
able go-between.
As we cannot insure happiness to our friends, at the same
time that we help them to husbands and wives, one would
imagine, that few would care to run the hazard of bestow.
ing misery, where they meant a kindness. I know a good-
natured lady, who has officiously brought upon herself the
ill-will and the curses of many of her dearest and most in-
timate friends on that very account. She has a sister, for
whom she has provided a most excellent husband, who has
shown his affection for her by spending her whole fortune
upon his mistresses: another near relation, having by her
means Snatched up a rich widow, the bridegroom was ar-
rested for her debts within a week after marriage: and it
cost her a whole twelvemonth to bring two doting lovers
of her acquaintance together, who parted before the honey-
moon was expired. -
But if our friends will thus condescend to be match-
makers from a spirit of benevolence, and for our own ad.
Vantage only, there are others, who have taken up the pro-
fession from less disinterested motives; who bring beauty
and fortune to market, and traffic in all the accomplishments
that can make the married state happy. I have known
many droll accidents happen from the mistakes of these
mercenary persons; and remember one in particular, which
I shall here set down for the entertainment of my readers.
A careful old gentlem ºn came to town in order to marry
his son, and was recommended by one of these couplers to
a twenty thousand pounder. He accordingly put on his
best wig, best beaver, and gold-buttoned coat, and went to
Pay his respects to the lady's mother. He told her, that -
he had not the pleasure of being known to her ; but as his
son's quiet depended upon it, he had taken the liberty of
Waiting on her; in short, he immediately broke the matter
to her, and informed her, that his boy had seen her daughter
at church, and was violently in love with her ; concluding,


84 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
that he would do very handsomely for the lad, and would
make it worth her while to have him. The old lady
thanked him for the honour he intended her family; but she
supposed, to be sure, as he appeared to be a prudent and
sensible gentleman, he would expect a fortune answerable,
“Say nothing of that, say nothing of that,’ interrupted the
Don : “I have heard—but if it was less, it should not break
any squares between us.”—“Pray, sir, how much does the
world say ” replied the lady. “Why, madam, I suppose
she has not less than twenty thousand pounds.”—“Not so
much, sir,’ said the old lady very gravely.— Well, mad.
am, I suppose then it may be nineteen, or—or—only eight-
een thousand pounds.”—“Not so much, sir.”—“Well, well,
perhaps not : but—if it was only seventeen thousand.’—
‘No, sir.’—‘ Or sixteen.”—“No.”—“Or (we must make
allowances) perhaps but fifteen thousand.”—“Not so much,
sir.’ Here ensued a profound silence for near a minute;
when the old gentleman, rubbing his forehead—‘Well, ma-
dam, we must come to some conclusion. Pray, is it less
than fourteen thousand 7 How much more is it than twelve
thousand P- Less, sir.’— More than ten thousand "-
* Not so much, sir.”—“Not so much, madam 7'-'. Not S0
much.”—“Why, if it is lodged in the funds, consider, madam,
interest is very low, very low ; but as the boy loves her,
trifles shall not part us. Has she got eight thousand pounds”
—“Not so much, sir.”—“Why, then, madam, perhaps the
young lady's fortune may not be above six—or five thou-
sand pounds.”—“Nothing like it, sir.’ At these words the
old gentleman started from his chair, and running out of the
room—‘Your servant, your servant : my son is a fool; and
the fellow who recommended me to you is a blockhead, and
knows nothing of business.”
- -
!
º
|
t
ſ




THE CHARACTER OF A JEALOUS WIFE,
Rage in her eyes, distraction in her mien,
Her breast indignant swells with jealous spleem.
HoRACE.
SIR,-We are told, that in Spain it is the custom for
husbands never to let their wives go abroad without a
watchful old woman to attend them ; and in Turkey it is
the fashion to lock up their mistresses under the guard of a
trusty eunuch : but I never knew that in any country the
men were put under the same restrictions. Alas! sir, my
wife is to me a very duenna; she is as careful of me, as
the keisler aga, or chief eunuch, is of the grand seignior's
favourite sultana : and whether she believes that I am in
love with every woman, or that every woman is in love
with me, she will never trust me out of her sight; but
sticks as close to me, as if she really was, without a figure,
bone of my bone, and flesh of my flesh. I am never suſ.
fered to stir abroad without her, lest I should go astray;
and at home she follows me up and down the house, like a
child in leading strings : nay, if I do but step out of the
room on any ordinary occasion, she is so afraid I should
give her the slip, that she always screams after me, “My
dear, you are not going out;” though for better security,
she generally locks up my hat and cane, together with her
own gloves and cloak, that one may not stir out without the
other. - º -
I cannot flatter myself that I am handsomer or better
made than other men; nor has she, in my eyes at least,
fewer charms than other women; and yet she is so very
doubtful of my constancy, that I cannot speak, or even pay
- 8 - -


86 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYFI).
the compliment of my hat to any young lady, though in
public, without giving new alarms to her jealousy. Such
a one, she is sure from her flaunting, is a kept madam;
another is no better than she should be ; and she saw ano-
ther tip me the wink, or give me a nod, as a mark of some
private assignation between us. A nun, sir, might as soon
force her way into a convent of monks, as any young wo.
man get admittance into our house : she has therefore af.
fronted all her acquaintance of her own sex, that are not,
or might not have been, the grandmothers of many genera-
tions; and is at home to mobody but maiden ladies in the
bloom of threescore, and beauties of the early part of this
century.
She trusted me one evening out of doors to share an en-
tertainment abroad with some male friends; but we had
scarcely despatched the first course, before word was
brought that my boy was come with a lantern to light me
home. I sent him back with orders to call in an hour;
when presently after the maid was despatched, with notice
that my dear was gone to bed very ill, and wanted me di-
rectly. I was preparing to obey the summons, when, to
our great surprise, the sick lady herself bolted into the

room, complained of my cruel heart, and fell into a fit from
which she did not recover, till the coach had set us down
at our house.
Whilst my wife is thus cautious that I should not be led
astray even by my own sex when abroad, she takes parti-
cular care that I may not stumble on temptation at home.
It was some time after our marriage, before she could find
maids for her purpose. One was too pert a hussy; another
went too fine ; another was an impudent forward young
baggage. At present our household is made up of a set of
beautiful monsters. My lady's own waiting woman has a
most inviting hump back, and is so charmingly paralytic,
that she shakes all over like a Chinese figure ; the house-
maid squints most delightfully with one solitary eye, which
DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. S7
weeps continually for the loss of its fellow ; and the cook,
besides a most captivating red face and protuberant waist,
has a most graceful hobble in her gait, occasioned by one
leg being shorter than the other.
I need not tell you, that I must never write a letter, but
my wife must see the contents, before it is done up; and
that I never dare open one, till she has broken the seal, or
read it till she has first run, it over. Every rap at the
door from the post-man makes her tremble; and I have
known her to burst with spleen at seeing a superscription,
Written in a fair Italian hand, though perhaps it only comes
from my aunt in the country. -
About a month ago she found a mysterious paper in my
coat pocket, which awakened all her mistrust. This sus-
picious manuscript was drawn up in hieroglyphics; which,
as she could not interpret, she immediately concluded to be
a billet-doux from some nasty creature, whom I secretly
maintained in a corner of the town ; and that we corre.
sponded together in cipher. This terrible paper, sir, was
in truth no other than a bill from my blacksmith in the
country, who, never having learned to write, expressed his
meaning by characters of his own invention. Thus, if he
had mended a spade, he charged it to my account, by
drawing, as well as he could, the figure of a spade, and
adding at a little distance six perpendicular lines, to signify
six pence; or, if he had repaired a plough, he sketched out
that also in the same kind of rough draught, and annexed
to it four curved lines, to denote four shillings. This mat-
ter I explained to my wife as fully as possible, but very
little to her satisfaction. It is absolutely impossible to quiet
her suspicions: she is perpetually reproaching me with my
private trull, nay, upbraids me on this account before stran-
gers ; and it was but last week, that she put me to incon-
ceivable confusion before a whole room of company, by
telling them that I was in love with a blacksmith.
Jealousy, sir, it is said, is a sign of love. It may be so:

88 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
but it is a species of love which is attended with all the
malevolent properties of hate : nay, I will venture to say,
that many a wife hates her husband most heartily, without
causing him half that uneasiness, which my loving consort's
suspicious temper creates to me. Her jealous whims dis-
turb me the more, because I am naturally of an even mind
and calm disposition: and one of the chief blessings I pro-
mised myself in matrimony was, to enjoy the sweets of do-
mestic tranquillity. I loved my wife passionately ; but I
must own, that these perpetual attacks upon my peace make
me regard her with less and less tenderness every day;
and, though there is not a woman in the world that I would
prefer to my wife, yet I am apt to think, that such violent
suspicions, without a cause, have often created real matter
for jealousy.
I am sir, your humble servant, &c.
---


ON EXCESSIVE NEATNESS IN A WIFE.-LETTER FROM A HUS.
BAND, COMPLAINING OF THIS EVIL.
The house so meat, so nice within,
*Tis pity we should enter in.
TERENCE TRANSL.
SIR,--I am married to a lady of a very nice and delicate
disposition, who is cried up by all the good women of her
acquaintance, for being the neatest body in her house they
ever knew.
It must be confessed, that a due regard to neatness and
cleanliness is as necessary to be observed in our habitations
as our persons : yet I do not like to have my house rem-
dered useless to me under the pretence of keeping it clean.
For my own part, I cannot see the difference between
having a house that is always dirty, and a house that is
always to be cleaned. I could very willingly compound to
be washed out of my home once in the week; but my wife
is so very notable, that the same cleansing work must be
repeated every day in the week. All the morning long I
am sure to be entertained with the domestic concert of
scrubbing the floors, scouring the irons, and beating the
carpets; and I am constantly hunted from room to room,
whilst one is to be dusted, another dry-rubbed, another
Washed, and another run over with a dry mop. Thus, in-
deed, I may be said to live in continual dirtiness, that my
house may be clean; for, during these nice operations,
every apartment is stowed with soap, brick-dust, sand,
scrubbing-brushes, hair-brooms, rag-mops, and dish-clouts.



8% - -
90 DoNESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
You may suppose that the greatest care is taken to pre-
vent the least speck of dirt from soiling the floors. For
this reason all that come to our house (besides the ceremony
of scraping at the door) are obliged to rub their shoes for
half an hour on a large ragged mat at the entrance ; and
then they must straddle their way along several less mats,
ranged at due distances from each other in the passage, and
(like boys at play) come into the room with a hop, step, and
a jump. The like caution is used by all the family. I
myself am scarce allowed to stir a step without slippers ;
my wife creeps on tiptoe up and down stairs; the maid-
servants are continually stumping below in clogs or pattens;
and the footman is obliged to sneak about the house bare-
footed, as if he came with a sly design to steal something.
This extraordinary solicitude in my wife for the cleanli.
ness of her rooms, and the care and preservation of her
furniture, makes my house entirely useless, and takes away
all that ease and familiarity, which is the chief comfort of
one’s own home. I must drink out of an earthen mug,
though a great quantity of plate is constantly displayed on
the side-board ; whilst all the furniture, except when we
have company, is done up in paper, as if the family to whom
it belongs were gone into the country. In a word, sir, any
thing that is decent and cleanly is too good to be used, for
fear it should be dirtied; and I live with every convenience
at hand, without the power of enjoying one of them. I
have elegant apartments, but am almost afraid to enter
them ; I have plate, china, and the most genteel furniture,
but must not use them ; which is as ridiculous an absurdity,
and almost as great a hardship, as if I had hands without
the power of moving them ; the organs of sight, smell, taste,
without being suffered to exert them ; and feet without being
permitted to walk. Thus, sir, this extravagant passion for
cleanliness keeps the family in a perpetual state of muck
and dirt; and, whilst we are surrounded with all necessaries,
subjects us to every inconvenience. But what makes it still














DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 91
a greater grievance is, that it has been the ridiculous cause
of many other misfortunes. I have sometimes created her
anger by littering the room with throwing my garters on a
chair, or hanging my peruke on one of the gilt sconces.
Having once unluckily spilt a bottle of ink on one of the
best carpets, she was irreconcileable for a month; and I had
scarcely brought her to temper again, when I most unfor-
tunately run against the footman, who was entering with
the dinner, and threw down a leg of pork and peas-pudding
on the parlour floor. This superabundant neatness did once
also very nearly occasion my death; for whilst I lay ill of
a ſever, my delicate wife, thinking it would refresh me, or-
dered my bed-chamber to be mopped: and the same scru-
pulous nicety was also the means of our losing a very con-
siderable addition to our fortune.
A rich old uncle, on whom we had great dependence,
came to town last summer on purpose to pay us a visit;
but, though he had rode about fifty miles that day, he was
obliged to stand in the passage till his boots were pulled off,
for fear of soiling the Turkey carpet. After supper, the
old gentleman, as was his constant practice, desired to have
his pipe; but this, to be sure, could by no means be allowed,
as the filthy stench of the tobacco would never be gotten
out of the furniture again; and it was with much ado that
my wife would even suffer him to go and smoke in the
kitchen. We had no room to lodge him in, except a garret
With bare walls; because the chintz bed-chamber was, in-
deed, too nice for a dirty country squire. These slights
Very much chagrined my uncle; but he had not been with
us above a day or two, before my wife and he came to an
open quarrel on the following occasion. It happened, that
he had brought a favourite pointer with him, who at his
first coming was immediately locked up in the coal-hole :
-
-
but the dog, having found means to escape, had crept slyly
up stairs, and had very calmly stretched himself out upon a
crimson damask sofa. My wife not only sentenced him to



92 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
the discipline of the whip, but insisted upon having the cri.
minal hanged up afterwards; when the master interposing
in his behalf, it produced such high words between them,
that my uncle ordered his horse, and swore he would never
darken our doors again as long as he breathed. He went
home, and about two months after died : but as he could
not forgive the ill treatment which both he and his dog had
met with at our house, he had altered his will, which before
he had made entirely in our favour.
- I am, sir, your humble servant,
PETER PLAINALL.


JEALOUSY DESCRIBED.
-
In a more hac omnia insunt vitia; injuria,
Suspiciones, inimicite, inducia,
Bellum, paw rursum. TER. Eun.
All these inconveniences are incident to love; reproaches, jealousies,
quarrels, reconcilements, war, and then peace. -
TIE marquis of Halifax, in his “ Advice to a Daughter,”
has instructed a wife how to behave herself towards a false,
an intemperate, a choleric, a sullen, a covetous, or a silly
husband; but he has not spoken one word of a jealous
husband. -
Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the appre-
hension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom
he entirely loves. Now, because our inward passions and
inclinations can never make themselves visible, it is impos.
sible for a jealous man to be thoroughly cured of his sus.
picions. His thoughts hang at best in a state of doubtful.
ness and uncertainty; and are never capable of receiving
any Satisfaction on the advantageous side; so that his in-
quiries are most unsuccessful when they discover nothing ;
his pleasure arises from his disappointments, and his life is
Spent in pursuit of a secret that destroys his happiness if he
chance to find it.
An ardent love is always a strong ingredient in this
passion; for the same affection which stirs up the jealous
man's desires, and gives the party beloved so beautiful a
figure in his imagination, makes him believe she kindles the
same passion in others, and appears as amiable to all be:




94 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
holders. And as jealousy thus arises from an extraordinary
love, it is of so delicate a nature, that it scorns to take up
with any thing less than an equal return of love. Not the
warmest expressions of affection, the softest and most tender
hypocrisy, are able to give any satisfaction, where we are
not persuaded that the affection is real, and the satisfaction
mutual: for the jealous man wishes himself a kind of deity
to the person he loves; he would be the only pleasure of
her senses, the employment of her thoughts : and is angry
at every thing she admires, or takes delight in, besides him.
self.
PHEDRIA’s request to his mistress, upon his leaving her
three days, is inimitably beautiful and natural.
Cum milite isto praesens, absens ut si es: - -
Dies noctesque me ames; me desideres; --------
Me somnies; me expectes; de me cogites; -
Me speres; me te oblectes ; mecum tota sis:
Meus facsis pastremo animus quando ego sum tuus.
TER. Eun. Act I,
“When you are in company with that soldier, behave as if you were
absent; but continue to love me by day and by night; want me; dream of
me; expect me; think of me; wish for me; delight in me; be wholly with
me; in short, be my very soul, as I am yours.”
The jealous man's disease is of so malignant a nature,
that it converts all it takes into its own nourishment. A
cool behaviour sets him on the rack, and is interpreted as
an instance of aversion or indifference; a fond one raises
his suspicions, and looks too much like dissimulation and
artifice. If the person he loves be cheerful, her thoughts
must be employed on another; and if sad, she is certainly
thinking on himself. In short, there is no word or gesture
so insignificant but it gives him new hints, feeds his suspi-
cions, and furnishes him with fresh matters of discovery :
so that if we consider the effects of this passion, one would



T}OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 95
rather think it proceeded from an inveterate hatred than an
excessive love; for certainly none can meet with more dis-
quietude and uneasiness than a suspected wife, if we except
the jealous husband.
But the great unhappiness of this passion is, that it na-
turally tends to alienate the affection which it is so solicitous
to engross; and that for these two reasons, because it lays
too great a constraint on the words and actions of the sus-
pected person, and at the same time shows you have no
honourable opinion of her; both of which are strong motives
to aversion.
Nor is this the worst effect of jealousy; for it often draws
after it a more fatal train of consequences, and makes the
person you suspect, guilty of the very crimes you are so
much afraid of. It is very natural for such who are treated
ill and upbraided falsely, to find out an intimate friend that
Will hear their complaints, condole their sufferings, and en-
deavour to soothe and assuage their secret resentments.
Besides, jealousy puts a woman often in mind of an ill thing
that she would not otherwise perhaps have thought of, and
fills her imagination with such an unlucky idea, as in time
grows familiar, excites desire, and loses all the shame and
horror which might at first attend it. Nor is it a wonder
if she who suffers wrongfully in a man's opinion of her, and
has therefore nothing to forfeit in his esteem, resolves to
give him reason for his suspicions, and to enjoy the pleasure
of the crime, since she must undergo the ignominy. Such
probably were the considerations that directed the wise man
in his advice to a husband: “Be not jealous over the wife
of thy bosom ; and teach her not an evil lesson against
thyself.”—EccLEs.
And here, among the other torments which this passion
produces, we may usually observe that none are greater
mourners than jealous men, when the person who provoked
their jealousy is taken from them. Then it is that their
love breaks out furiously, and throws off all the mixtures
º



96 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
of suspicion which choked and smothered it before. The
beautiful parts of the character rise uppermost in the jealous
husband's memory, and upbraid him with the ill usage of so
divine a creature as was once in his possession ; whilst all
the little imperfections, that were before so uneasy to him,
wear off from his remembrance and show themselves no
more. - -
We may see by what has been said, that jealousy takes
the deepest root in men of amorous dispositions, and of these
we may find three kinds who are most overrun with it.
The first are those who are conscious to themselves of
an infirmity, whether it be weakness, old age, deformity,
ignorance, or the like. These men are so well acquainted
with the unamiable part of themselves, that they have not
the confidence to think they are really beloved ; and are
so distrustful of their own merits, that all fondness towards
them puts them out of countenance, and looks like a jest
upon their persons. They grow suspicious on their first
looking in a glass, and are stung with jealousy at the sight
of a wrinkle. A handsome fellow immediately alarms
them, and every thing that looks young or gay turns their .
thoughts upon their wives. ||
A second sort of men, who are most liable to this paS.
sion, are those of cunning, wary, and distrustful tempers,
It is a fault very justly found in histories composed by
politicians, that they leave nothing to chance or humour,
but are still deriving every action from some plot and con. |
trivance, for drawing up a perpetual scheme of causes and
events, and preserving a constant correspondence between
the camp and the council-table. And thus it happens in the
affairs of love with men of too refined a thought. They ||
put a construction on a look, and find out a design in a ||
smile ; they give new senses and significations to words and
actions, and are ever tormenting themselves with fancies of
their own raising. They generally act in a disguise them.
selves, and therefore mistake all outward shows and ap:
-















DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 97
pearances for hypocrisy in others: so that I believe no
men see less of the truth and reality of things than these
great refiners upon incidents, who are so wonderfully subtle
and over-wise in their conceptions.
Now what these men fancy they know of women by re-
flection, your lewd and vicious men believe they have learn-
ed by experience. They have seen the poor husband so
misled by tricks and artifices, and in the midst of his in-
quiries so lost and bewildered in a crooked intrigue, that
they still suspect an under plot in every female action;
and especially where they see any resemblance in the be-
haviour of two persons, are apt to fancy it proceeds from
the same design in both. These men, therefore, bear hard
upon the suspected party, pursue her close through all her
turnings and windings, and are too well acquainted with
the chace, to be flung off by any false steps or doubles;
beside, their acquaintance and conversation has lain wholly
among the vicious part of womankind, and therefore it is
no Wonder they censure all alike, and look upon the whole
sex as a species of impostors. But if notwithstanding
their private experience, they can get over these prejudi-
Ces, and entertain a favourable opinion of some women;
yet their own loose desires will stir up new suspicions from
another side, and make them believe all men subject to the
Same inclinations with themselves.
After this frightful account of jealousy, and the per-
sons who are most subject to it, it will be but fair to show
by what means the passion may be best allayed, and those
Who are possessed with it set at ease. Other faults in-
deed are not under the wife's j urisdiction, and should, if
possible, escape her observation; but jealousy calls upon
her particularly for its cure, and deserves all her art and
application in the attempt; besides, she has this for her
encouragement, that her endeavours will be always plea-
sing, and that she will still find the affection of her hus.

98 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
band rising towards her, in proportion as his doubts and
suspicions vanish; for, as we have seen all along, there is
so great a mixture of love in jealousy, as is well worth the
separating.



-- FEALOUSY, HOW TO BE ALLAYED-
Credula res amor est. - OvID MET.
The man who loves is easy of belief. ANoN.
HAVING in my last paper discovered the nature of jea-
lousy, and pointed out the persons who are most subject to
it, I must here apply myself to those ladies who desire to
live well with a jealous husband, and to ease his mind of its
unjust suspicions.
The first rule I shall propose to be observed is, that you
never seem to dislike in another what the jealous man is
himself guilty of, or to admire any thing in which he does
not himself excel. A jealous man is very quick in his ap-
plications; he knows how to find a double edge in an in-
Vective, and to draw a satire on himself out of a panegyric
another. He does not trouble himself to consider the
person, but to direct the character ; and is secretly pleased
or confounded as he finds more or less of himself in it.
The commendation of any thing in another stirs up his
jealousy, as it shows you have a value for others besides
himself; but the commendation of that which he himself
Wants, inflames him more, as it shows that in some respects
you prefer others before him. Jealousy is admirably de-
scribed in this view by Horace in his ode to Lydia. -
Quam tu, Lydia, Telephi.
Cervicem roseam, aut cerea Teleph:
Laudas brachia, ca meum -
Fervens difficili bile tument jecur:
Tunc mec mens mihá, mec color
Certa sede manet: humor et in genas
Furtim labitur, arguens
Quam lentis penitus macerer ignibus.




100 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
When TELEPHEUS his youthful charms,
His rosy neck and winding arms,
With endless rapture you recite,
And in the pleasing name delight;
My heart, inflamed by jealous heats,
With numberless resentments beats; -
From my pale cheek the colour flies,
And all the man within me dies: -
By turns my hidden grief appears
In rising sighs and falling tears,
That show too well the warm desires,
The silent, slow, consuming fires,
Which on my inmost vitals prey, -
And melt my very soul away. ADDISQN.
The jealous man is not indeed angry if you dislike ano-
ther ; but if you find those faults which are to be found in
his own character, you discover not only your dislike of
another, but of himself. In short, he is so desirous of en-
grossing all your love, that he is grieved at the want of any
charm, which he believes has power to raise it; and if he
finds by your censures on others, that he is not so agreeable
in your opinion as he might be, he naturally concludes you
could love him better if he had other qualifications, and that
by consequence your affection does not rise so high as he
thinks it ought. If therefore his temper be grave or sullen,
you must not be too much pleased with a jest, or trans-
ported with any thing that is gay and diverting. If his
beauty be none of the best, you must be a professed ad-
mirer of prudence or any other quality he is master of, or
at least vain enough to think he is.
In the next place, you must be sure to be free and open
in your conversation with him, and to let in light upon your
actions to unravel all your designs, and discover every Se-
cret, however trifling or indifferent. A jealous husband
has a particular aversion to winks and whispers, and if he
does not see to the bottom of every thing, will be sure to go
beyond it in his fears and suspicions. He will always ex-
pect to be your chief confidant, and where he finds himself

i)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 101

kept out of a secret, will believe there is more in it than
there should be. And here it is of great concern, that you
preserve the character of your sincerity uniform and of a
piece ; for if he once finds a false gloss put upon any single
action, he quickly suspects all the rest; his working ima-
gination immediately takes a false hint, and runs off with it
into several remote consequences, till he has proved very
ingenious in working out his own misery.
If both these methods fail, the best way will be, to let him
See you are much cast down and afflicted for the ill opinion
he entertains of you, and the disquietudes he himself suffers
for your sake. There are many who take a kind of bar-
barous pleasure in the jealousy of those who love them, that
insult over an aching heart, and triumph in the charms which
are able to excite so much uneasiness.
-
- -
Ardeat ipsa licet, tormentis gaudel amantiss Jºy.
Though equal pains her peace of mind destroy,
A lover's torments give her spiteful joy.
But these often carry the humour so far, till their affected
coldness and indifference quite kills all the fondness of a
lover, and are then sure to meet in their turn with all the
contempt and scorn that is due to so insolent a behaviour.
On the contrary, it is very probable,'a melancholy, dejected
Carriage, the usual effect of injured innocence, may soften
the jealous husband to pity, make him sensible of the wrong
he does you, and works out of his mind all those fears and -
suspicions that make you both unhappy. At least it will
have this good effect, that he will keep his jealousy to him.
self, and repine in private; either because he is sensible it
is a weakness, and will therefore hide it from your know.
ledge, or because he will be apt to fear some ill effect it may
produce, in cooling your love towards him, or diverting it to
another.
There is still another secret that can never fail, if you.
9%
102 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
-

can once get it believed, and which is often practised by wo.
men of greater cunning than virtue: this is to change sides
for a while with the jealous man, and to turn his own pas.
sion upon himself; to take some occasion of growing jea-
lous of him, and to follow the example he himself hath set
you. This counterfeited jealousy will bring him a great
deal of pleasure, if he thinks it real; for he knows experi-
mentally how much love goes along with this passion, and
will, besides, feel something like the satisfaction of revenge,
in seeing you undergo all his tortures. But this, indeed, is
an artifice so difficult, and at the same time so disingeneous,
that it ought never to be put in practice, but by, such as have
skill enough to cover the deceit, and innocence to render it
excusable.
I shall conclude this essay with the story of Herod and
Mariamne, as I have collected it out of Josephus; which
may serve almost as an example to whatever can be said on
this subject. - -
Mariamne had all the charms that beauty, birth, wit, and
youth could give a woman, and Herod all the love that such
charms are able to raise in a warm and amorous disposition.
In the midst of all this his fondness for Mariamne, he put
her brother to death, as he did her father not many years af.
ter. The barbarity of the action was represented to Mark
Antony, who immediately summoned Herod into Egypt, to
answer to the crime that was there laid to his charge. Herod
attributed the summonsto Antony's desire of Mariamne, whom,
therefore, before his departure, he gave into the custody of
his uncle Joseph, with private orders to put her to death, if
any such violence was offered to himself. This Joseph was
much delighted with Mariamne's conversation, and endea-
voured with all his art and rhetoric, to set out the excess of
Herod’s passion for her; but when he found her still cold
and incredulous, he inconsiderately told her, as a certain in-
stance of her lord's affection, the private orders he had left
behind him; which plainly showed according to Joseph's
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 103
interpretation, that he could neither live nor die without her.
This barbarous instance of a wild, unreasonable passion
quite put out for a time those little remains of affection she
had for her lord. Her thoughts were so wholly taken up
with the cruelty of his orders, that she could not consider
the kindness that produced them, and therefore represented
him in her imagination, rather under the frightful idea of a
murderer than a lover. Herod was at length acquitted and
dismissed by Mark Antony, when his soul was all in flames
for his Mariamne; but before their meeting, he was not a
little alarmed at the report he had heard of his uncle’s con-
Versation and familiarity with her in his absence. This,
therefore, was the first discourse he entertained her with, in
which she ſound it no easy matter to quiet his suspicions.
But at last he appeared so well satisfied of her innocence,
that from reproaches and wranglings he fell to tears and
embraces. Both of them wept very tenderly at their re-
Conciliation, and Herod poured out his whole soul to her in
the warmest protestations of love and constancy; when
amidst all his sighs and languishings she asked him, whe-
ther the private orders he left with his uncle Joseph, were
an instance of such an inflamed affection. The jealous
king was immediately roused at so unexpected a question,
and concluded his uncle must have been too familiar with
her, before he would have discovered such a secret. In
short, he put his uncle to death, and very difficultly prevail-
ed on himself to spare Mariamne. -
After this he was forced on a second journey into Egypt,
when he committed his lady to the care of Sohemus, with
the same private orders he had before given his uncle, if any
mischief befell himself. In the mean time, Mariamne so won
upon Sohemus by her presents and obliging conversation,
that she drew all the secret from him, with which Herod
had intrusted him; so that after his return, when he ſlew to
her with all the transports of joy and love, she received
him coldly, with sighs and tears, and all the marks of indif.



104 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
ference and aversion. This reception so stirred up his in.
dignation, that he had certainly slain her with his own hands,
had not he feared he himself should have become the greater
* sufferer by it. It was not long after this, when he had
another violent return of love upon him: Mariamne was
therefore sent for to him, whom he endeavoured to soften and
reconcile with all possible conjugal caresses and endearments;
but she declined his embraces, and answered all his fondness
with bitter invectives for the death of her father and her
brother. This behaviour so incensed Herod, that he very
hardly refrained from striking her; when in the heat of
their quarrel, there came in a witness, suborned by some of
Mariamne’s enemies, who accused her to the king of a de-
sign to poison him. Herod was now prepared to hear any
thing to her prejudice, and immediately ordered her servant
to be stretched upon the rack; who, in the extremity of his
tortures, confessed, that his mistress’ aversion to the king
arose from something Sohemus had told her; but as for any *
design of poisoning, he utterly disowned the least knowledge
of it. This confession quickly proved fatal to Sohemus,
who now lay under the same suspicions and sentence that
Joseph had suffered before him on the like occasion. Nor
would Herod rest here, but accused her with great vehe-
mence of a design upon his life, and by his authority with
the judges, had her publicly condemned and executed. He-
rod soon after her death grew melancholy and dejected; he
retired from the public administration of affairs into a solita-
ry forest, and there abandoned himself to all the black con.
siderations, which naturally arise from a passion made up of
love, remorse, pity, and despair. He used to rave for his
Mariamne, and to call upon her in his distracted fits; and
in all probability would soon have followed her, had nothis
thoughts been seasonably called on from so sad an object by
public storms, which at that time very nearly threatened
him. --









CAUTION CONCERNING MARRIAGE : STORY OF EUGENIO.
-
By titles dazzled, or by wealth misled,
Minds ill-agreeing shame the nuptial bed;
The fair obnoxious to a sire's command
When forced without her heart to yield her hand,
Beholds the guilty priest with weeping eyes,
Like Iphigenia drest for sacrifice.
- Or grant a pair by mutual vows combined,
- And Cupid's torch with that of Hymen joined;
- Desire that blindly courts the married state
- - Is far unable to support the weight;
The fabric tottering on its scanty base
Sinks on the ruins of a beauteous face.
Or beauty, though it lasts, in time may cloy,
Or that capricious foe to mortal joy, -
That nameless something may its taste destroy.
But where the judgment is allow’d its part,
And the clear head directs the beating heart,
The god of love attends the matchless pair,
For choice and merit fix the rover there.
JEFFREys,
THE many misfortunes arising to interrupt the joys and
destroy the peace of conjugal felicity, generally proceed
from our not duly weighing beforehand, in what the com- -
forts and conveniences of matrimony consist. In order to
Secure, as far as human prudence is capable, happiness in a
Wedded state, it is first to be mutually considered, whether
the mind of the party we are about to engage with in this - -
important affair, is formed on the principles of virtue;
Without which the duties of conjugal affection and friendship
ºn never long subsist. * -
3dly. That riches are not to be looked upon as the only
Incitement to such an engagement; because, when wealth
is merely the motive, lasting felicity is not to be expected,





106 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
-
3dly. That the charms of a good face, without the beau.
ties of that better part, the mind, should not bewitch us so
far, as to entail misery and disquietudes as long as life en-
dures; which is too frequently the case, when appetite is
sated.
4thly. It should be the mutual resolution of those, who
are about to enter into that state, or are already engaged
in it, to confine themselves, according to their station in life,
to such sort of pleasures only which their circumstances
will admit of, and which are consistent with the duty of rea-
sonable and virtuous beings. A contrary behaviour will
be attended with dreadful consequences, whereas the con-
duct above mentioned will lead us to real happiness. The
following story may serve to illustrate the truth of what is
here advanced.
Eugênio was a young gentleman, from the nature of his
education addicted to gayety and expense ; which he sup:
ported by the assistance of good sense and plentiful fortune,
without injuring his reputation or estate. Having no family
of his own, he made a visit to a friend, with the design of
passing the summer with him in the country. Sophronia
happened to be there at the same time, by the invitation of
the lady of the house, with whom she had always been
educated. Her person was nothing remarkable, but a
sweet disposition and a good natural understanding made
her conversation agreeable. Upon his first arrival, Eugenio
was too well bred not to show a particular civility to one
so much respected by the family ; and Sophronia knew
how to return it by a suitable behaviour. They had not
been long acquainted, before the sprightliness of his con-
versation, and the amiable innocence of hers, begot a mutual
desire of rendering themselves agreeable to each other.
Eugenio's education had been too ingenuous to harbour a
wish that was dishonourable; and Sophronia willingly en-
couraged a virtuous inclination, that would be so much for
her advantage. She knew he possessed no ill qualities, and


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 107
thought he would easily be weaned from his love of show
and expense, by a more settled way of life. But his desire
to live splendidly got the better of his passion : he would
not throw himself away upon one who had but three thou-
Sand pounds for her portion; so determined to return im-
mediately to London, and obliterate his fondness by the
diversions of the town.
Theana came up about the same time, to spend the winter
with her aunt. She was the only daughter of a gentleman
of fortune, by whose death she was lately come into the
possession of above fifteen thousand pounds. She was de-
termined never to marry a man, who could not support her
in the magnificence that such a fortune might expect; and
for that reason only had refused Euphorbus, a young gen-
tleman bred up to a profession, in which his natural abilities,
joined to a steady application, promised him the greatest
success. They had long been acquainted, and so perfectly
agreeable to each other, that Euphorbus had just reason to
hope that he should prevail over her desire of grandeur,
which was her only foible. But that passion was predomi-
nant: she was afraid it should be said she had acted im.
prudently, and that she should not be able to withstand the
reflections of the world, for having only one footman behind
a chariot and pair, when she might have had half a dozen
powdered valets attending her coach and six. -
Upon her coming to London, Eugenio made his addresses
to her among the rest; and as his fortune enabled him to
make a suitable settlement, preliminaries were soon agreed
on. Before they had been ten times together, the lawyers
Were bribed not to be dilatory. Several thousands were
expended in plate and jewels. The gay and lively gilded
Car proclaimed them the happiest couple of the season. But
they soon found that happiness did not consist in show.
Little contrarieties of temper were the causes of continual
differences; which, in less than two years, arose to such a
height, that they were, in a manner, parted. To avoid the

108 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
uneasiness of home, Eugenio publicly indulged himself in
his amours; and Theana was only more private. His
money was thrown away at hazard; hers as religiously
devoted to quadrille. He was regardless of the education
of his sons, because he was not sure they were his own;
she instructed her daughters in nothing but cards and
romanceS.
But it is time to make some inquiry after the other two.
The next winter after her disappointment, Sophronia came
to London with her female friend. Euphorbus accidentally
fell into her company. Frequent meetings created an ac-
quaintance, that acquaintance increased gradually into a
mutual esteem ; which, as it was not founded on interest,
but a thorough knowledge of each other, they had good
reason to believe would continue. With this prospect they
married. The smallness of their fortune was compensated
by tenderness and economy. The desire for providing for
his children made him double his application to his profes-
sion; and she was in the mean time as agreeably enter-
tained in taking care of their education. He was daily
adding to their fortune, she to their virtue. In the decline
of life they retired to a country-house and estate, which his
profession and her economy had enabled them to buy of
Eugenio, whose extravagance and ill management had
obliged him to sell part of his estate, as soon as a booby
They know a passion still more deeply charming
Than fevered youth e'er felt; and that is love,
By long experience mellowed into friendship.
º
-
Thus are Euphorbus and Sophronia, by a marriage
founded on good sense, possessed of happiness, riches, and
reputation, which Eugenio and Theana have lost by the
contrary means. º






-
THE CAUSES OF DISAGREEMENT IN MARRIAGE.
"Hºrse asylorn yayyira raºrneux
"Oray yávn reo: avºe, an ºxoorern
Nºw 6' x963 wavºra.
EURIP.
This is the chief felicity of life,
That concord smile on the connubial bed;
But now ’tis hatred all
MANY writers seem to have admitted, as an incontested
principle, that “marriage is generally unhappy:” but I
know not whether it becomes a man who professes to think
for himself, and forms his opinions from his own observa-
tions, to follow the crowd implicitly, and receive maxims
without recalling them to new examination, especi ly when
they comprise so great a complication, and include such
variety of circumstances. As I have an équal right with
others to give my opinion of the objects about me, and a
better title to determine concerning that state which I have
tried, than many who taſk of it without experience, I am
unwilling to be restrained by mere authority from advancing
what, I believe, an accurate view of the world will confirm,
that marriage is not commonly unhappy, otherwise than as
life is unhappy; and that most of those who complain of
connubial miseries, have as much satisfaction as their nature .
Would have admitted, or their conduct procured, in any
other condition. -
It is, indeed, common to hear both sexes repine at their
condition, relate the happiness of their earlier years, blame






10 -
110 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
the folly and rashness of their own choice, and warn those
whom they see coming into the world against the same
precipitance and infatuation. But it is to be remembered,
that the days which they so much wish to call back, are the
days not only of celibacy, but of youth, the days of novelty
and improvement, of ardour and of hope, of health and
vigour of body, of gayety and lightness of heart. It is not
easy to unite life with any circumstances in which youth
will not be delightful; and I am afraid that, whether mar.
ried or unmarried, we shall find the vesture of terrestrial
existence more heavy and cumbrous, the longer it is worn.
That both censure themselves for the indiscretion of their
choice, is not a sufficient proof that they have chosen ill,
since we see the same discontent at every other part of life,
which we cannot change. Converse with almost any man,
grown old in a profession, and you will find him regretting
that he did not enter into some way of life, to which he too
late finds his genius better adapted, or in which he discovers
that wealth and honour are more easily attained. The
merchant, says Horace, envies the soldier, and the soldier
recounts the felicity of the merchant; the lawyer, when his
clients harass him, calls out for the quiet of the countryman;
and the countryman, when business calls him to town, ex-
claims that there is no happiness but in public life. Every
man recounts the miseries of his own station, and always
thinks those of any other less, because he has not felt them.
Thus the married praise the ease and freedom of a single
life, and the single fly to marriage from the weariness of
solitude. From all our observations we may collect with
certainty, that misery is the lot of man, but cannot discover
in what particular state it will find most alleviations; or
whether all external appendages are not, as we use them
well or ill, the causes either of pain or pleasure. -
Whoever feels great pain naturally hopes for ease from
change of posture ; he changes it, and finds himself equally
tormented; and of the same kind are the expedients by







DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 111
which we endeavour to obviate or elude those uneasinesses
to which mortality will always be subject. It is, however,
not likely that the marriage state is eminently miserable,
since we see such numbers, whom the death of their part-
ners has set free from it, entering it again. -
Wives and husbands are, indeed, too frequently com-
plaining of each other; and there would be reason for
imagining that in numerous instances there was perverse-
ness or oppression beyond human sufferance, did we not
know how readily some minds burst out into reproaches
and lamentations, and how naturally every animal revenges
his pain upon those who happen to be near, without any
nice examination of its cause. We are always willing to
fancy ourselves within a little of happiness, and when, with
repeated efforts, we cannot reach it, persuade ourselves
that it is intercepted by an ill-paired mate, since, if we could
find any other obstacle, it would be our own fault that it
-
Was not removed. - --
Anatomists have often remarked, that though our diseases
are sufficiently numerous and severe, yet when we inquire
into the structure of the body, the tenderness of some parts,
the minuteness of others, and the immense multiplicity of
animal motions that must concur to the healthful and
vigorous exercise of all our powers, there appears TeaSOI)
10 Wonder rather that we are preserved so long, than that
We perish so soon, and that our frame subsists for a single
day or hour without disorder, rather than that it should be
broken or obstructed by violence of accidents, or length of
time. -
The same reflection rises in my mind, when I observe
the manner in which marriage is sometimes contracted.
When I see the avaricious and crafty taking companions to
their tables and their beds, without any inquiry but after
farms and money; or the giddy and thoughtless uniting for
life to those whom they have only seen by the light of
tapers at a ball; when parents make contracts for their

112 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
children, without inquiring after their consent ; when some
marry for heirs, to disappoint their brothers, and others
throw themselves into the arms of those whom they do not
love, because they have found themselves rejected where
they were more solicitous to please ; when some marry
because their servants cheat them, some because they
squander their own money, some because their houses are
pestered with company, some because they will live like
other people, and some only because they are sick of them-
selves, I am not so much inclined to wonder that marriage
is sometimes unhappy, as that it appears generally so little
loaded with calamity; and cannot but conclude, that society
has something in itself eminently agreeable to human nature,
when I find its pleasures so great, that even the ill choice
of a companion can hardly overbalance them.
By the ancient custom of the Muscovites, the men and
women never saw each other, till they were united beyond
the power of parting. It may be suspected that by this
method many unsuitable matches were produced, and many
tempers associated that were very little qualified to give
pleasure to each other. Yet, perhaps, among a people $9
little delicate, where the paucity of objects, and the uni.
formity of life gave no opportunity for imagination to inter.
pose its objections, there was not so much danger of capri.
cious dislike ; and whilst they felt neither cold nor hunger,
they might live quietly together, without any thought of the
defects of one another. --
Among us, whom knowledge has made nice, and affluence
wanton, there are, indeed, more cautions requisite to secure
tranquillity; and yet if we observe the manner in which
those converse, who have singled out each other for mar:
riage, we shall, perhaps, think that the Russians lost little
by their restraint. For the whole endeavour of both par.
ties, during the time of courtship, is to hinder themselves
from being known, and to disguise their natural temper and
real desires, in hypocritical imitation, studied compliance.

r)0MEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. . 113
and continued affectation. From the time that their love
is avowed, neither sees the other, but in a mask, and the
cheat is managed often on both sides with so much art, and
discovered afterwards with so much abruptness, that each
has reason to think there has been some transformation on
the wedding-night, and by a strange imposture, one has
been courted, and another married. -
All, therefore, who come with matrimonial complaints,
concerning their behaviour in the time of courtship, are to
be informed, that they are neither to wonder nor repine,
that a contract begun with fraud has ended in disappoint.
ment.
10*

A LETTER FROM A FATHER To His son, ON THE CHOICE of
A. WIFE.
Hail, wedded love!——
Perpetual fountain of domestic bliss. - MILTON.
A RECENT and valuable collection of letters from a father
to his son, on various topics relative to literature, and the con-
duct of life, offers to my readers a judicious and excellent
letter on the choice of a wife.
DEAR SoN,
There is no species of advice, which seems to come with
more peculiar propriety from parents to children, than that
which respects the marriage state; for it is a matter in which
the first must have acquired some experience, and the last
cannot. At the same time, it is found to be that, in which
advice produces the least effect. For this, various causes
may be assigned; of which, no doubt, the principal is, that
passion commonly takes this affair under its management,
and excludes reason from her share of the deliberation. I
am inclined to think, however, that the neglect with which
admonitions on this head are treated, is not unfrequently
owing to the manner in which they are given, which is of
ten too general, too formal, and with too little accommoda.
tion to the feelings of young persons. If in descanting a
little on this subject, I can avoid these errors, I flatter my:
self you are capable of bestowing some unforced attention
to what an affectionate desire of promoting your happiness
in so essential a point, may prompt. -
The difference of opinion between sons and fathers in the
matrimonial choice, may be stated in a single position—that
the former have in their minds the first month of marriage,
* *
-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 115
the latter, the whole of its duration. Perhaps you will,
and with justice, deny that this is the difference between us
two, and will assert, that you as well as I, in thinking of
this connexion, reflect on its lasting consequences. So
much the better! We are then agreed as to the mode in
which it is to be considered, and I have the advantage of
you only in experience and more extensive observation.
I need to say little as to the share that personal charms
ought to have in fixing a choice of this kind. Whilst I
readily admit, that it is desirable, that the object, on which
the eyes are most frequently to dwell for a whole life, should
be an agreeable one ; you will probably as freely acknow-
ledge, that more than this is of too fanciful and fugitive a
nature, to come into the computation of permanent enjoy-
ment. Perhaps in this matter I might look more narrowly
for you than you would for yourself, and require a suitable-
ness of years and vigour of constitution, which might conti-
nue this advantage to a period that you do not yet contemplate.
But dropping this part of the subject, let us proceed to con-
sider the two main points, on which the happiness to be ex-
pected from a female associate in life must depend—her
qualifications as a companion, and as a helper.
Were you engaged to make a voyage round the world,
On the condition of sharing a cabin with an unknown mess.
mate, how solicitous would you be, to discover his character
and disposition before you set sail ' If, on inquiry, he should
prove to be a person or good sense and cultivated manners,
and especially of a temper inclined to please and be pleased,
how fortunate would you think yourself! But, if in addi-
tion to this, his tastes, studies, and opinions, should be found
Comformable to yours, your satisfaction would be complete.
You could not doubt, that the circumstance which brought
you together, would lay the foundation of an intimate and
delightful friendship. On the other hand, if he were repre-
Sented by those who thoroughly knew him, as weak, igno-
rant, obstinate, and quarrelsome, of manners and disposi-

116 Dom ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED:
tions totally opposite to your own, you would probably rā-
ther give up your project, than submit to live so many months
confined with such an associate.
Apply this comparison to the domestic companion of the
voyage of life—the intimate of all hours—the partaker of
all fortunes—the sharer in pain and pleasure—the mother
and instructress of your offspring. Are you not struck with
a sense of the infinite consequence it must be to you, what"
are the qualities of the heart and understanding of one who
stands in this relation; and of the comparative insignifi.
cance of external charms and ornamental accomplishments!
But as it is scarcely probable that all you would wish in
these particulars can be obtained, it is of importance to as:
certain, which qualities are the most essential, that you may
make the best compromise in your power. Now tastes,
manners, and opinions, being things not original, but acqui-
red, cannot be of so much consequence as the fundamental
properties of good sense and good temper.


Possessed of these, a wife, who loves her husband, will
fashion herself in the others, according to what she perceives
to be his inclination; and, if, after all, a considerable diver.
sity remain between them in such points, this is not incom-
patible with domestic comfort. But sense and temper can
never be dispensed with in the companion for life: they form
the basis on which the whole edifice of happiness is to be
raised. As both are absolutely essential, it is needless to
inquire which is so in the highest degree. Fortunately they
are oftener met with together than separate; for the just and
reasonable estimation of things which true good sense inspires
almost necessarily produces that equanimity and moderation.
of spirit, in which good temper properly consists. There is;
indeed, a kind of thoughtless good nature, which is not un-
frequently coupled with weakness of understanding; but
having no power of self-direction, its operations are capri-
cious, and no reliance can be placed on it in promoting solid
felicity. When, however, this easy humour appears with
DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 117
the attractions of youth and beauty, there is some danger
'est even men of sense should overlook the defects of a
shallow capacity, especially if they have entertained the
too common notion, that women are no better than playthings,
designed rather for the amusement of their lords and mas-
ters than for the more serious purposes of life. But no man
ever married a fool without severely repenting it; for though
the petty trifler may have served well enough for the hour
of dalliance and gayety, yet when folly assumes the reins
of domestic, and especially of parental control, she will
give a perpetual heart-ache to a considerate partner.
On the other hand, there are to be met with instances of
considerable powers of the understanding, combined with
Waywardness of temper, sufficient to destroy all the comfort
of life. Malignity is sometimes joined with wit, haughti-
ness and caprice with talents, sourness and suspicion with
sagacity, and cold reserve with judgment. But all these
being in themselves unamiable qualities, it is less necessary
to guard against the possessors of them. They generally
render even beauty * ; and no charm but that of
fortune is able to overcome the repugnance they excite.
How much more fatal than even folly they are to all domes.
tic felicity, you have probably already seen enough of the
matrimonial state to judge.
Many of the qualities, which fit a woman for a compa-
nion, also adapt her for the office of a helper; but many
additional ones are requisite. The original purpose for
which this sex was created, is said, you know, to have been,
providing man with a help male; yet it is, perhaps, that no-
tion of a wife which least occupies the imagination in the
season of courtship. Be assured, however, that as an of
fice for life, its importance stands extremely high to one,
whose situation does not place him above the want of such
aid; and fitness for it should make a leading consideration
in his choice. Romantic ideas of domestic felicity will in-
fallibly in time give way to that true state of things which

I 18 DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
will show that a large part of it must arise from well order.
ed affairs, and an accumulation of petty comforts and con-
veniences. A clean and quiet fire'side, regular and agreea-
ble meals, decent apparel, a house managed with order and
economy, ready for the reception of a friend or the accom.
modation of a stranger, a skillful as well as affectionate
nurse in time of sickness—all these things compose a very
considerable part of what the nuptial state was designed to
afford us; and without them no charms of person or un-
derstanding will long continue to bestow delight. The arts
of housewifery should be regarded as professional to the wo.
man who intends to become a wife; and to select one for
that station who is destitute of them, or disinclined to exer-
cise them, however otherwise accomplished, is as absurd, as
it would be to choose for your lawyer, or physician, a man
who excelled in every thing rather than in law, or physic.
Let me remark, too, that knowledge and good-will are
not the only requisites for the office of a helper. It demands
a certain energy both of body and mind which is less fre-
quently met with among the females of the present age than
might be wished. How much soever infirm and delicate
health may interest the feelings, it is certainly an undesira.
ble attendant on a connexion for life. Nothing can be more
contrary to the qualification of a helpmate, than a condi-
tion which constantly requires that assistance which it never
can impart. It is, I am sure, the farthest thing from my in-
tention, to harden your heart against impressions of pity, or
slacken those services of affectionate kindness, by which
you may soften the calamitous lot of the most amiable and
deserving of the species. But a matrimonial choice is a
choice for your own benefit, by which you are to obtain ad.
ditional sources of happiness; and it would be mere folly,
in their stead voluntarily to take upon you new incumbran-
ces and distresses. Akin to an unnerved frame of body, is
that shrinking timidity of mind, and excessive nicety of feel-
ing, which is too much encouraged under the notion of fe-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 119
male delicacy. That this is carried beyond all reasonable
bounds in modern education, can scarcely be doubted by
one, who considers what exertions of fortitude and self.com.
mand are continually required in the course of female duty.
One who views society closely, in its interior as well as ex-
terior, will know that occasions of alarm, suffering, and dis-
gust, come much more frequently in the way of women
than of men. To them belong all the offices about the
Weak, the sick, and the dying. When the house becomes
a scene of wretchedness from any cause, the man often runs
abroad; the woman must stay at home, and face the worst.
All this takes place in cultivated society, and in classes of
life raised above the common level. In the savage state,
and in the lower conditions, women are compelled to un-
dergo even the most laborious, as well as the most disagreea-
ble tasks. If nature, then, has made them so weak in tem-
per and constitution as many suppose, she has not suited
means to ends with the foresight we generally discover in
her plans.
I confess myself decidedly "..." of those who
would rather form the two sexes to a resemblance of cha-
racter, than contrast them. Virtue, wisdom, presence of
mind, patience, viguor, capacity, application, are not seaſual
qualities; they belong to mankind—to all who have duties
to perform and evils to endure. It is surely a most degra-
ding idea of the female sex, that they must owe their influ-
ence to trick and finesse, to counterfeit or real weakness.
They are too essential to our happiness to need such arts :
too much of the pleasure and the business of the world de.
pends upon them, to give reason for apprehension that we
shall cease to join partnership with them. Let them aim at
excelling in the qualities peculiarly adapted to the parts they
have to act, and they may be excused from affected languor
and coquetry. We shall not think them less amiable for
being our best helpers. - - -
Having thus endeavoured to give you just ideas of the

120 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
principal requisites in a wife, especially in a wife for one in
your condition, I have done all that lies within the compass
of an adviser. From the influence of passion I cannot guard
you : I can only deprecate its power. It may be more to
the purpose, to dissuade you from hasty engagements, be-
cause, in making them, a person of any resolution is not to
be regarded as merely passive. Though the head has lost
its rule over the heart, it may retain its command of the
hand. And surely if we are to pause before any action, it
should be before one on which “all the colour of remaining
life” depends. Your reason must be convinced, that to form
a solid judgment of so many qualities as are requisite in the
conjugal union, is no affair of days and weeks, of casual vi-
sits and public exhibitions. Study your object at home—see
her tried in her proper department. Let the progress be,
liking, approving, loving, and lastly, declaring; and may
you, after the experience of as many years as I have had,
be as happily convinced, that a choice so formed is not likely
to deceive __
You- may think it strange. that I have not touched on a
consideration, which generally takes the lead in parental
estimates of matrimonial views—that of fortune. But I
have been treating on the woman only, not on any thing ex-
traneous to her. Fortune acquired with a wife, is the same
thing as fortune got any other way. It has its value, and
certainly no small one, in procuring the desirable comforts
of life; and to rush into a state in which wants will be
greatly increased without a reasonable prospect of being
able to supply those wants, is an act not merely of care-
lessness, but of downright folly. But with respect to the
sources whence their supply is to be sought, that is a parti-
cular inquiry to each individual; and I do not think so ill of
your prudence, as to apprehend that you will not give it all
the attention its importance demands. Another considera-
tion that of the family connecions formed by marriage, is of
a similar kind. Its great importance cannot be doubted;



DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 121
-
but it is an affair to be determined on by the dictates of com-
mon prudence, just as in forming those connexions after any
Other mode; though indeed, in no other can they be formed
equally strong. One who is master of his deliberations,
may be trusted to decide these points, as well as any others
that occur in the practice of life. That your decisions may
always show you to be possessed of a due power of self.
direction, is the earnest wish of
Your truly affectionate, &c.

A LETTER TO A LADY ON THE CI101CE OF A HUSBANI).
How blest the alliance where no interest rules,
The bane of bliss and perquisite of fools:
Where love its full ummingled joys displays,
And reason dictates while the heart obeys
MADAM, You do me great honour in your application
to me on this important occasion; I shall therefore talk to
you with the tenderness of a father, in gratitude for your
giving me the authority of one. You do not seem to make
any great distinction between your two lovers as to their
persons; the whole question lies upon their circumstances
and behaviour: If the one is less respectful because he is
rich, and the other more obsequious because he is not so,
they are in that point moved by the same principle, the con-
sideration of fortune; and you must place them in each
other's circumstances, bef eyou can judge of their inclina.
tion. To avoid confusion in discussing this point, I will call
the richer man Strephon, and the other Florio. If you be.
lieve Florio with Strephon's estate would behave himself as
he does now, Florio is certainly your man: but if you think
Strephon, were he in Florio's condition, would be as obse.
quious as Florio is now, you ought for your own sake to |
choose Strephon; for where the men are equal, there is no
doubt riches ought to be a reason for preference. After
this manner I would have you abstract them from their cir-
cumstances; for you are to take it for granted, that he who
is very humble only because he is poor, is the very same man
in nature with him who is haughty because he is rich. When
you have gone thus far, as to consider the figure they make
towards you, you will please, madam, next to consider the
appearance you make towards them. If they are men of
discernment, they can observe the motives of your heart;
|



3) OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 123
and Florio can see when he is disregarded only upon account
of fortune, which makes you to him a mercenary creature;
and you are still the same thing to Strephon, in taking him
for his wealth only: you are therefore to consider whether
you had rather confer than receive an obligation.
The marriage life is always an insipid, a vexatious, or a
happy condition. The first is, when two people of no genius
or taste for themselves meet together, upon such a settle-
ment as has been thought reasonable by parents and convey-
ancers, from an exact valuation of the land and cash of both
parties: in this case the young lady's person is no more re.
garded than the house and improvements in the purchase of an
estate; but she goes with her fortune, rather than her for-
tune with her. These make up the crowd or vulgar of the
rich, and fill up the lumber of the human race, without benefi-
cence to those below them, or respect towards those above
them; and lead a despicable, independent, and useless life,
without sense of the laws of kindness, good nature, mutual
offices, and the elegant satisfactions which flow from reason
and virtue. - - -
The vexatious life arises º, of two people \,
of quick taste and resentment, put together for reasons well
known to their friends, in which especial care is taken to
avoid (what they think the chief of evils) poverty, and in.
sure to them riches, with every evil besides. These good
people live in a constant constraint before company, and too
great familiarity alone : when they are within observation,
they fret at each other's carriage and behaviour; when
alone, they revile each other's person and conduct: in com-
pany, they are in a purgatory, when only together, in a hell.
The happy marriage is where two persons meet and vo-
luntarily make choice of each other, without principally re-
garding or neglecting the circumstances offortune or beauty.
These may still love in spite of adversity or sickness; the
former we may in some measure defend ourselves from ;
the other is the portion of our very make. When you have

124 . DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
a true notion of this sort of passion, your humour of living
great will vanish out of your imagination, and you will find
love has nothing to do with state. Solitude, with the person
beloved, has a pleasure beyond show or pomp. You are
therefore to consider which of your lovers will like you best
undressed, which will bear with you most when out of hu-
mour; and your way to this is to ask yourself, which you
value most for his own sake; and by that judge which gives
the greater instances of his valuing you for yourself only.
After you have expressed some sense of the humble ap-
proach of Florio, and a little disdain at Strephon's assurance
in his address, you cry out, “What an unexceptionable hus-
band could I make out of both !” It would therefore, me-
thinks, be a good way to determine yourself: take him in
whom what you like is not transferable to another; for if
you choose otherwise, there is no hopes your husband will
ever have what you liked in his rival: but intrinsic qualities
in one man may very probably purchase every thing that
is adventitious in another. In plainer terms; he whom you
take for his personal p ions, will sooner arrive at the
gifts of fortune, than he whom you take for the sake of his
fortune attain to personal perfections. If Strephon is not as
accomplished and agreeable as Florio, marriage to you will
never make him so : but marriage to you may make Florio
as rich as Strephon : therefore, to make a sure purchase,
employ fortune upon certainties, but do not sacrifice cer.
tainties to fortune. -
I am your most obedient, humble servant.

{}N CONJUGAL AFFECTION.
May SHE, when time has sunk him into years,
Love her old man, and cherish his white hairs;
Nor HF perceive her charms through age decay,
IBut think each happy sun his bridal day.
MART. EPIG. TrANSL,
LovE is a term so very vague and indiscriminate, as it is
generally applied, that it would be extremely difficult to
investigate its nature from its effects, in any other case but
that of marriage; as the modes, perhaps, of feeling, or at
least of expressing it, vary, according to the temper, manner,
or situation of each individual who either feels or feigns the
passion. But conjugal affection is by no means subject to
such equivocal appearances; it is tenderness heightened by
passion, and strengthened by esteem, tending to promote
the happiness of its object here and hereafter. º
Such an elevated state of happiness as must result from
the affection I have described, when mutual, must surely
be the acmé of human felicity. But, as the point of per-
fection is that of declension also, it will require much pains,
(but they are pleasing ones,) to make the ever-turning
Wheel of sublunary bliss keep steady to the summit it has
reached, or at least, to prevent its rolling down the rugged
Precipice, where jealousy, disgust, and grief, have marked
the horrid road. -
The disappointments of human life must ever be propor-
tioned to the extravagance of our expectations. Too great
ºn ardour to be blessed, is frequently the source of misery.
A life of transport is not the lot of mortals. Whilst
º



II* -
126 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
accept we should chastise our joys, “lest whilst we clasp
we kill them.”
That concord of souls which constitutes the happiness of
marriage, like a full concert, requires all the parts obliged
to fill their several stations in perfect time and place; for
though the heart may lead the band, and set out in perfect
harmony, one jarring note destroys the rapturous strain,
and turns the whole to discord. For this reason I consider
a parity of understanding and temper as necessary towards
forming a happy marriage.
But grant these circumstances all conjoin and make the
union perfect, my fair readers should remember that satiety
succeeds to rapture, as sure as night to day. Be it your
province, then, to keep your husband’s heart from sinking
into the incurable disease of tasteless apathy. Do not rely
too much upon your personal charms, however great, to
reserve the conquest they may have gained. The kind.
ness of your attention to the bent of his genius and inclina.
tions will awaken his regard; and gratitude will strengthen
his affection, imperceptibly even to himself.
Our first parent justifies his fondness for Eve, to Raphael,
upon this principle : -
“Neither her outside formed so fair, &c.
So much delights me, as those graceful acts,
Those thousand decencies, that daily flow .
From all her words and actions mixed with love,
And sweet compliance, which declare unfeigned
Union of mind, or in us both one soul;
Harmony to behold in wedded pair,
More grateful than harmonious sound to the ear.”
To secure the affections of a husband already prepos.
sessed in their favour, let the ladies but exert the same ta-
lents, with the same desire of pleasing, which they showed
before marriage, and I venture to pronounce, that they will
succeed.
Every man ought to be the principal object of attention
in his family; of course he should feel himself happier at



DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 127
home than in any other place. It is, doubtless, the great
business of a woman’s life, to render home pleasing to her
husband; he will then delight in her society, and not seek
abroad for alien amusements. A husband may, possibly,
in his daily excursions, see many women whom he thinks
handsomer than his wife; but it is generally her fault, if he
meet with one whom he thinks more amiable. A desire of
pleasing very rarely fails of its effect; but in a wife that
desire must be managed with the nicest delicacy; it should
appear rather in the result than in the design; “not obvious,
not obtrusive.” These little attentions are the best supple-
ment to our great duties, and render the commerce of life
delightful. Like an elegant dessert, they complete the
feast, and leave not a wish unsatisfied.
We have hitherto looked only on the pleasing side of the
tapestry, and seen marriage in its most favourable light.
Let us now turn the canvass, and take a view of its defects.
Let us suppose, then, (what I think the worst of all situa-
tions,) an amiable young woman possessing the tenderest
affection for her husband, J. from the depravity and
inconstancy of his nature, has withdrawn his love from her,
and perhaps bestowed it on some unworthy object, to whom
he devotes his time and fortune. In such a state of wretch-
edness, what line shall our neglected wife pursue? The
first step that I would recommend to her, is, that of entering
into a serious, strict, and impartial review of her own con-
duct, even to the minutiae of her dress, and the expressions
of her looks, from the first of her acquaintance with her
husband. If after such examination, she cannot discover
any fault in her manners that might have given offence, or
created disgust, let her steadily pursue the same behaviour
she has hitherto practised; for, if that be totally free from
error, it is impossible that any alteration can give an addi.
tional efficacy to it. For to resent, or to retaliate, neither
duty nor her religion will permit.
“To carry smiles upon the face, when discontent sits

128 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAY Eſ).
brooding at the heart,” is, I confess, one of the most difficult
tasks that can possibly be imposed upon an ingenuous and
feeling soul. But a thorough conviction that it is her pro-
vince to endeavour to recall the wanderer back, for his own
happiness, as well as hers, and a certainty that there are
no other means of accomplishing so desirable an end, will
enable her to pursue this arduous undertaking, till either
her heart shall rejoice in its success, or from reiterated dis-
appointments, become indifferent to the worthless object of
its former esteem and attention.
Granting the last to be the case, she has a right to expect
that the good opinion of the world will attend her conduct;
but a higher and more certain reward awaits it ; self-ap-
probation, arising from a consciousness of having fulfilled
her duty, and an assurance of having essayed the only me.
thod that was likely to insure success; for never yet was
love recalled by lamentations, or upbraidings. The first
may sometimes, perhaps, create pity, but oftener begets
contempt; and the latter never did, nor can, produce any
passion but instant rage, or cool determined hate.
Recollection may furnish to my fair readers many in-
stances, where patient sufferings have been rewarded with
returning love; but I think there is scarcely one to be met
with, where female violence has ever conquered male out-
rage; Or where dissipation and coquetry, though they may
have alarmed the pride, ever reclaimed the alienated affec-
tions of a husband.
True love, like true virtue, shrinks not on the first attack;
it will bear many shocks before it be entirely vanquished.
As it contends not for victory, but for the prize, it will not
display itself in the vain arts of elocution, but in the more
powerful eloquence of action; it will leave nothing undone,
that can prove its sincerity; but it will not boast, even to
its object, of what it has done ; much less will it vaunt its
merits to any other confidant, or complain to the world of
the unkind return it has experienced.

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 129
There is such a variety of circumstances which may
disturb the happiness of the marriage state, that it is im-
possible to specify them all; but as a virtuous woman will
consider the loss of her husband's affection as the greatest
calamity that can befall her, her duty and prudence will, be-
fore the evil happens, upon every occasion supply rules of
conduct to herself; and the reliance she will necessarily
have upon the tenderness of his attachment to her, joined to
the sincerity of hers to him, will support her through every
difficulty, which accident, misfortune, or even imprudence,
may have brought upon them. She will say, with Prior's
Emma, -
“Thy rise of fortune did I only wed,
From its decline determined to recede 7
Did I but purpose to embark with thee,
On the smooth surface of a summer sea,
Whilst gentle zephyrs play in prosperous gales,
And fortune's favour fills the swelling sails;
But would forsake the bark and make the shore,
When the winds whistle, and the tempests roar!
No, Henry, no! one sacred oath has tied
Our loves, one destiny our lives shall guide,
Nor wild, nor deep, our common way divide.”
This is the natural language of conjugal affection; this the
fulfilling of the marriage vow, where self is lost in a still
dearer object, where tenderness is heightened by distress,
and attachment cemented even by the tears of sorrow. Such
a union of souls may brave the power of time; and I trust
that death itself shall not be able to destroy it. -

ON TEMPER. -
Çood humour only teaches charms to last,
Still makes new conquests and maintains the past,
This binds in ties more easy and more strong,
The willing heart, and only holds it long. Pop E.
-
IT has been justly remarked, that a parity of temper is
one of the principal requisites in matrimonial happiness;
and yet it is possible, that too great a similarity of disposi-
tion may, in some cases, render both parties wretched. For
instance, if two persons of a gay and careless turn of mind
should happen to be united, both will think themselves enti-
tled to pursue their joint or separate amusements, without
being encumbered with any attention to domestic economy,
till even the necessary means for their support may be irre-
trievably lavished away. * -º -
Again, should two persons of a saturnine complexion be
joined in the indissoluble bond ofmarriage, the natural gloomi.
ness of their dispositions will be increased by each other's
converse; melancholy will become habitual, and care be
heightened by despondency. -
s º
- - º “Not minds of melancholy strain,
Still silent, or that still complain,
Can the dear bondage bless;
As well may heavenly concerts spring,
From two old lutes with ne'er a string,
Or none beside the bass. *
“Nor can the soft enchantment hold
Two jarring souls of angry mould,
The rugged and the keen;
Samson's young foxes might as well
In bands of cheerful wedlock dwell,
With firebrands tied between.”


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 131
From these examples it is obvious, that a similitude of dis.
positions alone, though a strong incentive to affection, will
not always insure matrimonial felicity. And yet I am per-
fectly convinced, that wherever there is any material differ.
ence of sentiments, or manners, there never was, nor will be,
a happy marriage. We naturally admire those we love,
and as naturally imitate what we admire. The similarity
that arises from this conformity and a desire to please, has a
superior charm to that which is merely complexional. To
adopt the sentiments of a person is the most delicate proof
of approbation and esteem; and perhaps the compliment is
valued by our self-love, in proportion to the sacrifice which
has been made of an opposite way of thinking.
That conformity of manners, as far as religion and rea-
son will permit, is one of the indispensable duties of a wife,
will not, I believe, be denied by any one. But there are la-
dies who have an art of letting their condescension appear
too strongly in the act, as if submitting to the impositions of
a tyrant, rather than cheerfully fulfilling the obligation they
had entered into at the altar—to love, honour, and obey.
The same words or actions, expressed or performed in a
gracious or ungracious manner, may produce effects as dif.
ferent as love and hate. I would therefore recommend it to
the candidates for happiness in the marriage state, to sacri.
fice to the graces, in their conjugal demeanour, as sincerely as
they do at their toilets; for good breeding is as necessary to
the preservation of domestic harmony, as it can possibly be
to the general intercourse and commerce of life. -
Solomon, in his description of a virtuous woman, has fur-
nished us with the finest idea that ever was given of a wife's
address to her husband. “She opened her mouth with wis.
dom, and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” And surely
there exists not a being under the form of man, who could
reject such an address with scorn or insolence. Ladies
should, however, take particular care to time their conversa-
tion with their husbands, and neither idly obtrude upon their
-- º
--> º

132 I)0MESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
serious hours of business or retirement, nor hastily mistake
that reserve or gloom, which may arise from difficulties in
their affairs abroad, for ill temper or disgust at home.
It is the duty of a wife, not only to regulate her own tem-
per towards her husband, but also pay such an attention to
his, as may prevent it from ever appearing in a disagreeable
light. By studiously observing the proper seasons for the
different subjects on which she may have occasion to ad-
dress him, she may, imperceptibly to him, and almost to her.
self, obtain the power of guiding his concurrence, or denial.
A sensible and virtuous woman, pursuing such a line of
conduct for the mutual advantage of her husband and fa-
mily, without any selfish views, of which only little minds
are capable, comes nearest to the idea that mortals are taught
to conceive of a guardian angel, who, unseen, directs our
doubtful choice to what is best, and leads our erring steps
into the paths of happiness and peace.
I have hitherto considered this great article of temper
only in one point of view, merely as relates to the colloquial
intercourse between a wedded pair. I come now to show,
that its influence is universally extensive ; and that it is one
of the main springs which guides or deranges the human
machine, through every station and situation of life. An
unmarried woman is very rarely said to be ill tempered;
and yet there are such prodigies in nature as young vixens,
who, however they may conceal their ill humour from their
lovers and general acquaintances, will Surely betray it to
their parents, inmates, and servants. “A little lump lea-
veneth the whole,” and a peevish maiden will infallibly make
a cross wife; for when once a sourness of disposition be:
comes habitual, there is no alkaline in nature sufficiently
powerful to correct the heart-burnings and bitterness of a
dissatisfied temper. A person so affected, like one infected
with the plague, necessarily spreads the contagion of discon-
tent around her. Her parents lament the badness of her
disposition; her other relations and connexions are sensible

T}OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 133
of aversion, instead of affection, towards her; and her ser.
vants regret that the irksomeness of servitude is aggravated
by receiving their subsistence from a tyrant, whom they can
neither please, respect, nor love.
As gravity, which is sometimes but another name for
dulness, has been frequently mistaken for wisdom, so is
cheerfulness often accepted for good humour. But that
species of cheerfulness which we meet with in society, that
laughs in the eye, and lights up the countenance, generally
proceeds rather from an ebullition of the spirits, than a de-
signed and consistent exertion of our powers to please; and
is more frequently the result of a lively than a placid dis-
position. As it flows from an accidental cause, its effects
must necessarily be precarious; it is therefore subject to
causeless and sudden dejection, to which habitual good hu-
mour is by no means liable.
Distinct as these two qualities are, they have yet one
property common to both, and at the same time different
from what can be imputed to any other happy endowment;
which is, that they are most meritorious where they are
least natural. An idiot may be constitutionally good hu-
moured, and a villain be cheerful, from a glow of health or
a flow of spirits; but that species of good humour which is
the result of sense, virtue, and gratitude to Providence, will
be uniform in its appearance, and consistent in its manners:
it will not, like an April day, lower and shine in the same
moment; nor like the flaming heats of July, will the bright-
ness of the meridian sun foretell the approaching thunder ;
but clear, calm, and undisturbed, shall it shine on even to
its latest hour. --"
Such a blessed state of mind must necessarily communi-
cate the happiness it feels to all around it. “Like the
Smooth stream, it reflects every object in its just proportion,
and in its fairest colours; whilst the turbulent and ruffled
spirit, like troubled waters, renders back the images of
things distorted and broken, and communicates to them all

12 - -
134 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
that disordered motion, which arises solely from its own
agitation.”
This beautiful simile has a double claim to female atten-
tion; for rage, jealousy, or any other ungentle passion, de-
forms the fairest face almost as much as they degrade the
mind, and can “unsex the loveliest of the lovely kind, e'en
from the top to the toe.”
But there is a higher and stronger motive than I have
yet mentioned for “possessing our souls in quietness,” if
we presume to call ourselves Christians. Shall the disciple
of a suffering Saviour dare to resent with furious outrage
the real or imaginary injuries she may receive Or can
she kneel before the throne of mercy, and supplicate the
God of peace and good will to man, for pardon or protection,
whilst her heart is agitated with a spirit of malice or revenge
towards a fellow creature, frail as her wretched self? This
were an insult upon piety, a mockery of devotion'
We are assured, that God rejects the proud, and that an
humble and a contrite heart is precious in his sight. Shall
we then cast away the heartfelt transport of thinking our-
selves under the guidance and protection of an Almighty
Providence, to sacrifice to Moloch" and give away the
birthright of the redeemed, for the sad privilege of torturing
ourselves? For Providence has wisely ordained, that all
the malevolent passions of the human breast should prey
upon their possessors. Peace never dwelt with envy, rage,
or hate. -
As marriage, among Christians, is of divine institution,
all married persons should consider a proper conduct towards
each other, as the fulfilling of a religious duty. To pro-
mote harmony, peace, order, and happiness in their families,
is the mutual and undoubted obligation both of man and wife.
This rule once established and reduced to practice, even
libertines will own that marriage is the happiest state on
* Dr. Blair.

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 135
earth; but when the fiends of discord, rage, confusion, and
misery, usurp the place of those dear household gods, their,
very opposites, we must agree with Dr. Tillotson, and own,
that such a state is but “a lesser hell, in passage to the
greater.” -
Be it your care then, my gentle and much interested
readers, to reverse this sad idea, and by the mildness of your
manners, and the sweetness of your tempers, render the
marriage state a lesser heaven, in passage to the greater.

OBSERVATIONS ON THE IMPROPRIETY OF MARRYING A WOMAN
WHERE WE KNOW HER A FFECTIONS ARE ENGAGED BY
ANOTHER : WITH AN AFFECTING CASE OF MATRIMONIAL
INFELICITY, RESULTING FROM THIS CAUSE.
---
IN the variety of courses which the generality of mankind
pursue for the attainment of happiness, it is not a little sur-
prising, that so many of them should be inattentive in one
of the most material points that can possibly insure it. The
point I mean is, that union of the sexes, which, properly
concluded, is the foundation of felicity to individuals, and of
security to the public. Nature has given every parent the
power of directing the inclinations of their children, but al-
Iows of no unreasonable authority to force them ; and such
as have a sensible concern for the happiness of their off.
spring should be particularly careful that a reciprocal pas.
sion existed between the parties, before they consented to
an inviolable union. The ill-directed tenderness of paternal
affection has often been productive of the most unhappy
consequences; and many a father has made his children
miserable for life, by an erroneous solicitude for their wel-
fare, and by making a provision for their happiness which
was not in the least essential, and for which they had not,
in all probability, any manner of occasion. I am led natu-
rally to this subject by a paper now lying before me, the
contents of which I here present the reader.
º SIR, º
-
I am the most miserable of men; and notwithstanding
it might be more prudent to conceal the cause of my afflic-
tion, I find an inclination to disclose it in this public manner
too strongly resisted. I am a young fellow of five and
- *



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 137
twenty, neither deformed in my person, nor, I hope, un-
happy in my temper: my fortune is easy, my education
liberal; and, 1 suppose, I am as well calculated to pass in
a crowd as the generality of my acquaintance.
About twelve months ago, I fell passionately in love with
a young lady, whose beauty and merit entitled her to a rank
more exalted than I could raise her to, though she was much
my inferior in point of ſortune. She was at that time courted
by a young gentleman in the law ; and matters had actually
gone so far, that a day was appointed for the solemnization
of the nuptials. All this I was very well informed of: yet,
impetuously hurried by the violence of my passion, I disclo-
sed it to the father. He was a man of the world—my cir-
cumstances were much better than his intended son-in-law's ;.
and he paid a less attention to the happiness, than he showed
for the advancement, of his daughter. Why should I take
up your time, sir? Maria’s match with her former lover
Was immediately broken off; and the unhappy young lady,
Who never presumed to disobey her father's commands, was
torn from the man of her heart, and married to one she
could never love.
I was in hope, sir, that a little time, and a tender beha-
viour on my side, as a man never loved more fondly than
myself, would have utterly erased Mr. Bridgegrove from the
bosom of my wife, and placed me in his stead. But had I
not been besotted with my love, I might easily have known,
that a laudable impression upon the mind of a sensible wo.
man is never to be eradicated: no, it is utterly impossible.
When a young raw girl, indeed, entertains something like a
regard for a man, without knowing the reason of her es-
teem, it is nothing but a struggle of desire; or, more pro-
Perly speaking, the wheyiness of inclination, which, in a lit.
tle time, she laughs at herself, ard, as she grows in under
standing, easily skims off. But, where a woman of sense
has placed her affections on a man of merit, the passion is
never to be erased; the more she ponders on his worth, the
*



12* -
I38 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
more reason she has to love him; and she can never cease
to think of his perfections, till she is wholly divested ofthought.
Unhappily for me, this was the case. Mr. Bridgegrove-
possessed the whole heart of Maria, and, in reality, deserved
it: he is, perhaps the most amiable of men, and, poor fellow,
loves her to distraction. -
I have been now married ten months, and have, I flatter
myself, expressed every act of tenderness proper for the lo-
ver or the husband, to no purpose. My wife behaves with
the utmost omplaisance, is uncommonly solicitous to please;
but this conduct is the effect of her good sense, and not the
consequence of her love. The little endearing intercourse
between husband and wife are suffered, not enjoyed ; if I
complain of her coldness, she assumes an air more gay, and
affects to be pleased, though I see the starting tear just burst-
ing from her eye, and know the grief that rankles at her
heart. Nay, the more I caress, the more miserable she is
made ; and I see her generously lamenting that she cannot
place her heart upon the man who possesses her hand, and
is not utterly unworthy of her esteem. O sir, he must
have no delicacy, no feeling, that can bear a circumstance
like this unmoved. How am I frequently torn to madness.
with reflection, even when I have her fastened to my bosom,
to think that her whole soul is at that very moment running
on another man. In her sleep she frequently throws one
of her fine arms round my neck, and pronounees the name of
Bridgegrove in a manner that distracts me. .
Gur little boy, (for she is lately brought to bed,) instead
of a blessing, is another source of anxiety to us both. I
overheard her, yesterday morning, weeping over the child,
and crying—“My sweet boy, poor Bridgegrove should have
been your father.”–Can any situation be so afflicting as
mine?--I have made the most amiable of women for ever
wretched, and torn a worthy young fellow from the mistress
of his heart. I have brought all my sorrows on myself,
with the distressful consideration of having no right to com:
º
º,













DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 139
*/
plain. I deserve to be miserable. The man who would
meanly hope to be happy in marriage, by sacrificing the in-
clination of the woman he loves, and ungenerously loses
every regard to her wishes, whilst he endeavous to gratify
his own, has no pretension to felicity. Had I never obtained
the possession of Maria, I should not have been half so
wretched as I am now : time and another object would, per-
haps, have enabled me to bear her loss : but now, master of
her person, to find another in the possession of her heart, and
to know, that there is Qne whom she holds considerably dearer
than myself, are considerations absolutely unsupportable. I
cannot dwell any longer on the subject: I shall, therefore
conclude with an advice to my own sex, never to marry a
woman, whose heart they know is engaged, nor take a piti-
ful advantage of a father's authority in opposition to her in-
clination. If she be a good woman, she can never forget
her first choice, and if she be bad, will inevitably bring
shame and scandal on the second. -
I am, sir, &c.

STRICTURES ON THE ABSURDITY OF THOSE LADIES, WHO THROUGH
A FONDNESS FOR ADMIRATION, ADMIT THE VISITS OF A MAN
WHO OPENLY MANIFESTs A LESIGN UPON THEIR PEACE AND
REPUTATION.
THE subsequent letter from a female correspondent strong-
ly marks her good sense and virtue, exhibits a just estima-
tion of female dignity, and merits the particular attention of
the young and inexperienced among my fair readers. Con-
viction and reformation may possibly follow its perusal among
some of my own sex, who are guilty of addressing the va-
nity of women, to gain a compliance with their infamous
wishes.
“SIR,
“Great an opposition as there seems between vanity
and meanness, yet, if we take but ever so cursory a view of
the world, we shall find them to be pretty general compa-
nions, and scarcely meet a single instance, in which there
can be any shadow of exception. Among my own sex,
particularly, sir, vanity is the parent of so many mean-
messes, that I am actually surprised, when we endeavour to
º give ourselves the most consequence, that we never perceive
how we forfeit all the dignity we just before possessed; and
in the ridiculous attempt of arrogating our own importance,
leave ourselves, in short, without any real importance at all.
“This is never more the case, sir, than when we listen
to the solicitations of your sex; and for the sake of a
despicable compliment to our teeth or complexion, over-
look the unpardonable affront which it generally conveys,
and take no notice of the very poor opinion it insinuates,
-





DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 141
both for the purity of our hearts, and the goodness of our
understandings. We suffer the most illiberal addressess to
be paid us, if they are but softened with the words, angel
and goddess; and admit a designing villain as often as he
pleases into our presence, though we know our ruin and
disgrace are the only objects of his pursuit, if he but praises
the colour of our hair, and tells us that we are possessed of
finer eyes than the rest of our acquaintances. In short, sir,
We are willing a man should think there is a probability of
our launching into infamy and prostitution, for the sake of
hearing our persons commended; and perfectly reconciled,
Whilst he treats us on a footing with the handsomest women.
he may know, to his thinking, that in time he shall number
us with the very worst.
“A woman, sir, whenever she is told of her beauty with
a grave face, should first of all consider the purpose for
which she may be addressed in this manner, and reflect
upon the motive which may actuate the person who pro-
ſesses himself so sensible of her perfections. Nothing is
more dangerous than to suffer continued repetitions of this
style; it gradually becomes more and more pleasing to the
ear; and there is, besides, too natural promptitude in the
female mind to think favourably of those who seem to think
passionately of us. A language of this nature, therefore,
should be highly alarming to our ears; for many a woman,
who thought herself impregnable, has, in a length of time,
grown so enamoured of her own praise, that she could not
possibly exist without the person who administered it, and
has at last surrendered at discretion; when, had she first
of all capitulated on terms, she might have insisted on the
Very best. . - -
“Let us only reduce the general tendency of modern
addresses into plain English, and ask the most indiscreet of
the sex, if they can, in their conscience, discover them to
be a jot better than this—“Madam, I look upon you as a
fool, and one whom I have a strong inclination to make a


142 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
strumpet; for which reason I intend to talk continually of
your charms, and, by sacrificing in that manner to your
vanity, I have no doubt but, in a few days, I shall bring you
to an utter disregard of morality and virtue, to an absolute
contempt of all the laudable sentiments which you have been
imbibing so many years, and a total indifference for your
own reputation, and the honour of your sex. As I think
your wickedness equal to your folly, I beg, when I mention
the word beauty, that you will prefer the gratification of the
man, who is your greatest enemy, to the peace of those who
are your unalterable friends; nor hesitate a moment to
break the heart of a parent that tenderly loves you, to please
an infamous scoundrel who labours for your everlasting
disgrace. In short, madam, I expect, in return for a paltry
compliment to your person, that you scruple not to endure
continual shame in this world, nor shrink at hazarding your
eternal happiness in the next; but run at once to plunge a
dagger into the breast of your father, and hurl an impious
defiance at the very throne of your God.”
“I had myself, sir, lately, two or three lovers, who kindly
said very pretty things to my person; and, would you be.
lieve it, that one of them was a married man? This gen-
tleman came one day with all the easy impudence in life,
and, with as much composure as if he had been really per-
forming a meritorious action, threw himself at my feet, and
swore he could not live unless I pitied him. Had I a dag-
ger, I believe I should have stuck it in the villain's heart;
however, assuming all the anger that I possibly could, in a
face not naturally the most placid, I mentioned some thoughts
of paying a visit to his wife, which effectually banished him
from my presence, without doing the smallest injury to his
health, or disturbing in the least the usual serenity of his
temper. --
“A gentleman of family and fortune next told me, that I
was the most angelic piece of flesh and blood he had ever
beheld; and solicited, in good earnest, that I would bless

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 143
him with my favourable opinion; but I had no sooner talked
of some of the privileges which a wife would naturally ex-
pect, than the truly honourable lover sneaked instantly off,
excusing himself on account of a treaty then in agitation
with Miss Betty Squander.
“What you men think of us, I know not; nor indeed can
I conceive what we women in general conceive of ourselves;
but of this I am absolutely certain, that whilst we continue
so intolerably vain, we must be liable to an infinity of mean-
messes; and that the surest way for any woman to be un-
done, and to lose all chance of obtaining a virtuous worthy
companion in the nuptial state, is to think there is nobody
comparable to herself.”

ON THE DANGEROUS INATTENTION WHICH LADIES SOMETIMES :
TES THFY TO THE MORALS OF THEIR LOVERS.
Incedis per ignes
Suppositos ceneri doloso. HoR.

- -
With heedless feet on fires you go,
That hid in treacherous ashes glow.
THERE is a sentiment in Mr. Coleman's comedy of the
Jealous Wife, with which I am not a little pleased, as it is
no less an indication of a benevolent heart than a sound
understanding. Harriet reproaching young Oakly on ac-
count of his extraordinary attachment to the bottle; the
lover, sensibly struck with the justice of the reproof, exclaims,
that “were all ladies alike attentive to the morals of their
admirers, a libertine would be an uncommon character.”
If we take but ever so slight a view of the sexes, we
shall find the behaviour of the one to depend so entirely
upon the opinion of the other, that was either to set about a
reformation, the amendment of both would be easily effected;
and those virtues would be immediately cultivated through
the prevalence of fashion, which neither the force of convic-
tion, the dread of temporary misfortune, nor the terrors of
everlasting misery, are now sufficient to steal upon our
practice, even whilst they engage our veneration.
As the ladies in general are more affected by the preva-
lence of immorality than the men, it often surprises me, that
they do not endeavour to look those vices out of counte-
nance among our sex, which are so frequently fatal to
their own tranquillity. A man, through the establishment
IMGMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. I45
of customs, considers it as infamous to marry a prostitute, to
connect himself with a drunkard, or to pay his addresses to
a woman, whose lips are continually fraught with indecency
or execration. Though accustomed himself to the midnight
excesses of the stew, yet, when he fixes for life, he inquires
into the character of his mistress, and prosecutes his suit in
proportion as she is eminent for her virtues. Whereas the
lady, though bred up all her life in the strictest delicacy, of.
ten expresses no repugnance whatsoever to venture with the
most public betrayer of innocence, the most open enemy of
mankind, and the most daring defier of his God.
What, however, is most extraordinary on these occasions,
is the facility with which a father usually contracts his daugh-
ter to a libertine; as if, because custom did not involve her
in the infamy of his character, habitual propensity to vice
must not necessarily endanger her happiness. For my own
part, I am shocked when I see a parent less regardful of a
daughter's felicity than attentive to the welfare of a son. Is
there a father, who would persuade his son into a marriage
With a prostitute professed ? I hope not. Why, then, is his
daughter so relentlessly sacrificed to a libertine? Is there
not as much danger for the one to be miserable with her hus-
band, as the other to be wretched with his wife? and since
the natural claim to paternal indulgence is equal between
each, must it not be highly inequitable to treat the first with
Such an excess of partiality ? º º
I am insensibly led into this subject from a perusal of some
Sermons, addressed to young women. In one of the author’s
discourses, where female virtue is the object of consideration,
he gives so admirable a lesson to the sex, on account of this
unhappy approbation with which the very best women so
frequently hounor a profligate lover, that I cannot but trans-
cribe it for the benefit of my amiable readers. -
“How common is it to see young ladies, who pass for wo.
men of reputation, admitting into their company in public pla.
Ces, and that with visible tokens of civility and pleasure, men,

13
#46 DoAIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI5.
notorious for herding with creatures of infamous name:
What a defianee to the laws of piety, prudence, character, de-
corum ! what an insult, in effect, to every man and woman of
virtue in the world! what a palpable encouragement to vice
and dishonour! what a desperate pulling down, in appearance,
and with their own hands, of the only partition that divides
them from the most profligate of their sex.' Between the bold
and the abandoned woman there may still remain, notwith-
standing such behaviour, a distinction in the worki’s eye; but
we scruple not to declare, that religion, purity, delicacy, make
In Ones. -
“To return from this digression, if it be one, we will allow
it possible to put cases wherein no particular rules of disco-
very, no determinate modes of judgment, will enable a young
woman, by her own unassisted skill, to discern the dangers
that lie in her way. But can a young woman be justly ex-
ºcused, or can she fairly excuse herself, iſ, where all is at
stake, she calls not in the joint aid of wise suspicion, friendly
counsel, and grave experience, together with prayers for
God’s protection more than ordinarily fervent,”
“But, methinks, I hear some of you ask, with an air of
earnest curiosity—“Do not reformed rakes, them, make the
best of husbands?'—I am sorry for the question; I am dou-
bly sorry, whenever it is started by a virtuous woman.
will not woung the ear of modesty by drawing minutely the
character of a rake; but give me leave to answer your in-
quiry, by asking a question or two in my turn.
“In the first place, we will suppose a man of this charac-
ter actually reformed, so far as to treat the woman he mar-
ries with every mark of tenderness, esteem, fidelity; and that
he gives up for ever his old companions, at least as to any
chosen intimacy, or preference of their company to hers.
We grant it possible; we rejoice when it happens. It is
certainly the best atonement. that can be made for his for-
mer conduct. But now let me ask you, or rather let me
desire you to ask your own hearts, without any regard to



*DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEE), 147
the opinions of the world, which is the most desirable on
the score of sentiment, on the score of that respect which
you owe to yourselves, to your friends, to your sex, to or.
der, rectitude, and honour; the pure unexhausted affection
of a man, who has not by intemperance and debauchery
corrupted his principles, impaired his constitution, enslaved
himself to appetite, submitted to share with the vilest and
meanest of mankind the mercenary embraces of harlots,
contributed to embolden guilt, to harden vice, to render the
retreat from a life of scandal and misery more hopeless;
who never laid snares for beauty, never betrayed the inno-
cence that trusted him, never abandoned any fond creature
to want and despair, never hurt the reputation of a woman,
never disturbed the peace of families, or defied the laws of
his country, or set at nought the prohibition of his God;—
which, I say, is most desirable, the affection of such a man,
or that of him who has probably done all this, who has cer-

tainly done a great part of it, and who has nothing now to
offer you, but the shattered remains of his health, and of his
heart How any of you may feel on this subject, I cannot
Say, But if, judging as a man, I believe, what I have of.
ten heard, that the generality of women would prefer the
latter, I know not any thing that could sink them so low in
my esteem.
“That he who has been formerly a rake may, after all,
prove a tolerable good husband, as the world goes, I have
said already that I do not dispute. But I would ask, in the
next place, is this commonly to be expected 7 Is there no
danger that such a man will be tempted, by the power of
long habits, to return to his old ways; or that the insatiable
love of variety, which he has indulged so freely, will some-
time or other lead him astray from the finest woman in the
world ! Will not the very idea of restraint, which he could
never brook whilst single, make him only the more impatient of
it when married ? Will he have the better opinion of his wife's
148 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
-
virtue, that he has chiefly conversed with women who had
none, and with men among whom it was a favourite system,
that the sex are all alike 1–But it is a painful topic. Let
the women who are so connected make the best of their
condition; and let us go on to something else.”

THOUGHTS UPON A WEDDING...—THE MARRIAGE OF AN
AMIABLE NEPHEW,
-
Marriage is a sacred tie–
It ought not to be sported with. MIDDLETON’s PHENIX.
I contemplat E, with the mixt emotions of pleasure and
awe, the period of wedding. The moment approaches, in
which two rational beings are to have their union cemented
by ties, indissoluble except by the stroke of death.
A pure friendship, a sincere affection, are necessary pre-
paratives for the endearing relation. The reciprocal gift
of the hand is indicative of a mutual exchange of kindred
souls, impelled to each other by virtuous love. If the love
be not virtuous; if mere personal beauty, worldly emolu-
ment, or the grosser passions, excite to enter upon the con-
nubial state, its bliss will be transient, and vanity will be
inscribed on the future prospects of life. - -
I have long cherished an exalted idea of the purity of the
female mind, where it has been polished and refined by a
suitable education. I believe that the disposition of the
softer sex towards their lovers is generally pure and chaste.
I am persuaded, that a virtuous woman offers a degree of
violence to the delicacy of her own feelings, by consenting
to be the property, even of the most meritorious husband.
It must, then, be ungenerous to wound her modesty by any
indecencies of speech upon the occasion of her marriage.
An innocent hilarity may justly prevail among the company
assembled at its celebration. Every friendly bosom must
beat with joy. at the idea of the enlargement of human
happiness. But double entendres and every species of loose
language, should be invariably excluded, as offering an
affront and a stain to one of the most sacred institutions of
society. -

13*
150 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
The subsequent history of the nuptials of a young gem-
tleman of sentiment, and an amiable lady, as contained in
that ingenious periodical work, the Babbler, offers itself as
a very instructive commentary on our subject; and I hope
that it will have a salutary effect on the mind of every
reader. -
“My favourite nephew Harry had for some time con-
ceived a passion for Miss Cornelia Marchmont, whom I
esteem as the abstract of every mental perfection, and every
personal accomplishment. He came to me not long since,
with an air of the greatest transport, and informed me that
Miss Marchmont had blessed him with the acknowledgment
of a reciprocal esteem, and I was the person whom she had
pitched upon, to open a negotiation between the two fathers.
“As I do not know any young lady existing who pos-
sesses a greater share of my esteem than Miss Marchmont,
nor ever saw a person so immediately calculated to make
my nephew happy, I shook him cordially by the hand,
wished him joy from the bottom of my heart, and instantly
set out to my sister, his mother. Luckily, on my entrance,
I found Mr. Marchmont, Cornelia's father, chatting with her
at the parlour fire; and as he and I have been intimately
acquainted for many years, I opened the business of my
errand without any ceremony, and this the more especially,
because I knew neither could have any reasonable objection
to the match. Every thing turned out as I expected; both
were rejoiced at the affection between the young people :
and there being no mighty matters to retard the celebration
of the nuptials, I thought it best to make short work of the
affair, and accordingly fixed the wedding at an early day.
The proposition being approved by the parent of each, I
retired to make Harry happy with the intelligence; and in
pursuance of the agreement, I saw him blessed with one of
the worthiest as well as the sweetest girls in the universe.
“As I look upon a wedding to be one of the most im-
portant calls which either of the sexes have in their whole


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 151
lives for the exertion of an extraordinary delicacy, I was
not a little attentive to the behaviour of my two favourites;
and it gave me great pleasure to observe upon the whole,
that Harry's behaviour was manly, tender, and respectful,
without deviating into that fulsome disagreeable fondness,
of which even men of the best sense are often guilty, when
they have just obtained the woman of their heart. As to
Cornelia, I never saw a young creature, in her situation,
conduct herself with more propriety: to all the dignity of
conscious virtue, she joined all the ineffable sweetness of an
engaging timidity; and though she seemed proud of the
man whom she had just preferred to all the world, yet she
had too much sensibility not to feel some amiable terrors at
so awful an alteration in her circumstances.
“After the performance of the ceremony, at which a
large company was present, Harry judiciously proposed an
unremitting round of amusements, which entirely employed
the attention even of the most volatile, and prevented the
circulation of those indelicate ambiguities, with which occa-
sions of this kind are frequently disgraced. So that our
mirth was, as it ought to be, mingled with good sense and
manners; and of course the harmony could be little liable
to interruption, whilst that harmony was regulated by rea-
son and civility. -
“I have been often shocked, at the solemnization of a
marriage, to see the ridiculous, I had almost said the profli-
gate levity with which people have approached the altar of
the Divine Being, and jested with one another at the instant
of supplicating a blessing from his hand.
“One would imagine, that if the friends of the married
couple had even no veneration of the Deity, they would at
least have some little share of politeness; and be actuated
by a tender concern for the feelings of the lady, if they felt
no awe whatsoever, in the presence of their God. A wo.
man of any sensibility, on her wedding, must naturally be
in circumstances sufficiently embarrassed, without hearing

152 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
any illiberal pleasantries from the company to enhance the
difficulties of her situation. When she considers, that the
happiness or misery of her life materially depends upon the
choice which she has then made, she has cause enough for
terror; and when she considers the privilege which is
shortly to be claimed by the object of that choice; when
she considers, that the delicate reserve in which she has all.
her life been brought up, is in an instant to be sacrificed to
him; I say, when all these things are considered, nothing
ean be more insolent, or indeed more cruel, than to aggra,
vate her distress by the practice of any improper joculari.
ties.
“People, I am sensible, are strangely attached to old
customs; but every custom should be abolished, which is
in the least repugnant to reason and civility; on which
account I flatter myself the reader will give a proper at-
tention to this subject, and correct the error of which I have
here been speaking, as far as he is able in the circuit of his
acquaintance.”

0N THE IMPORTANCE AND EXCELLENCE OF MAINTAINING AN
IN WIOLABLE AFFECTION IN THE MARRIED LIFE,
Domus et placens wavor. HoR.
Thy house and pleasing wife.
IT is much to be regretted, that so few married persons
have their mutual attachment strengthened, by the lapse of
time and the intercourse of years. Such instances, however,
would not be rare, if those who sustain this intimate relation
aimed, through life, to please, and to cherish and display the
gentle virtues which adorn humanity. Beauty, youth, or
riches, unaccompanied with these virtues, have not the power
of preventing these indecent sallies of the mind, which, at .
certain unguarded seasons, too successfully display them-
selves, to the extinction of the finer feelings of love and
friendship. -
The husband and the wife must endeavour to appear mu-
tually amiable, with the same sedulity which they manifest
to gain the esteem of others. Their situation requires mu-
tual condescensions, and a temper which shall rise superior
to every passion or sentiment hostile to conjugal union.
They should esteem themselves as friends embarked, in one
common indissoluble interest, on a sea liable to tempests;
through which, however, their fragile bark, by mutual un-
remitted attentions, may be safely conducted to the port of
peace. Such voyages will assiduously divide and mitigate
the labours and fatigues to which adverse storms expose
them, and enjoy, with innocent hilarity, and glowing grati-
tude to heaven, the gentler breezes and enlivening prospects
of their passage. --- - -

H54. DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
We venerate, we readily applaud, the hallowed affection
of such mortals. We prize their company and converse.
Every benevolent bosom shares their bliss by sympathy.
The language of such congenial souls is more gladening than
the softest strains of music, to those who have learnt to “re-
joice with them that rejoice.” For readers of this generous
class I have provided a rich sentimental feast, in an episto-
lary address, written by the celebrated author of FitzOs-
borne's Letters, and directed to his Cleora, on the sixth an-
niversary of their nuptials.
“Though it was not possible for me to celebrate with
you, as usual, that happy anniversary which we have so
many reasons to commemorate, yet I could not suffer so joy-
ful a festival to pass by me without a thousand tender reflec-
tions. I took pleasure in tracing back that stream to its
rise, which has coloured all my succeeding days with hap-
piness; as my Cleora, perhaps, was at that very instant
running over in her own mind those many moments of calm
satisfaction, which she has derived from the same source.
*My heart was so entirely possessed with the sentiments
which this occasion suggested, that I found myself raised
into a sort of poetical enthusiasm; and I could not forbear
expressing in verse, what I have often said in prose of the
dear author of my most valuable enjoyments. I had a view,
in the composition, to the harpsicord. It was in your fa-
vourite grove, which we have so often traversed together,
that l indulged myself in the following rhapsody:
ODE TO MUSIC.
º
AIR I.
“Thrice has the circling earth, swift-pacing, run,
And thrice again, around the sun,
$ince first the white-robed priest with sacred band,
Sweet union! joined us hand in hand.
--
CHORUS.
“All heaven, and every friendly power
Approved the vow, and blessed the hour.






DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 155
RECITATIVE.
“What though in silence sacred Hymen trod,
Nor lyre proclaimed, nor garland crowned the god:
What though nor feast nor revel dance was there,
(Vain pomp of joy the happy well may spare!)
Yet love unfeigned, and conscious honour led
The spotless virgin to the bridal bed.
AIR IIs
“Blest with sense, with temper blest,
Wisdom o'er thy lips presides;
Virtue guards thy generous breast,
Kindness all thy actions guides. -
AIR III,
“Every home-felt bliss is mine,
Every matron grace is thine;
Chaste deportment, artless mien,
Converse sweet, and heart serene.
“Sinks my soul with gloomy pain f -
See, she smiles! 'tis joy again:
Swells a passion in my breast !
Hark, she speaks! and all is rest.
“Oft as clouds my paths o'erspread,
(Doubtful where my steps should tread.)
She, with judgment's steady ray,
Marks and smooths the better way.
CHORUS,
“Chief among ten thousand she,
Worthy, sacred Hymen! thee. -
“Whilst such are the sentiments which I entertain of my
Cleora, can I find myself obliged to be thus distant from her,
without the highest regret? The truth, believeme, is, though
both the company and the scene wherein I am engaged are
extremely agreeable, yet I find a vacancy in my happiness,
which none but you can fill up. Surely those who have re-
commended these little separations as necessary to revive
the languor of the married state, have ill understood its


156 r)0MEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
most refined gratifications: there is no satiety in the mutual
exchange of tender offices.
“There seems to have been a time, when a happiness of
this kind was considered as the highest glory, as well as the
supreme bliss of human life. I remember, when I was in
Italy, to have seen several conjugal inscriptions upon the
sepulchral monuments of ancient Rome, which, instead of
running out into a pompous panegyric upon the virtues of
the deceased, mentioned singly, as the most significant of
enconiums, how many years the parties had lived together in
full and uninterrupted harmony. The Romans, indeed, in this,
as in many other instances, afford the most remarkable exam-
* ples; and it is an observation of one of their writers, that
notwithstanding divorces might very easily be obtained
among them, their republic had subsisted many centuries
before there was a single instance of that privilege ever ha-
ving been exerted.
“Thus you see, my Cleora, however unfashionable I may
appear in the present generation, I might have been kept in
countenance in a former, and by those, too, who had as much
true gallantry and good sense as one usually meets with in
this. But affections which are founded in truth and nature
stand not in need of precedent to support them ; and I es-
teem it my honour no less than my happiness, that I am, &c.”
To this epistle of the amiable Melmoth, I shall subjoin a
short account, taken from the Scots Magazine of 1768, of
an attachment uncommonly tender, between the Bishop of
Lucon in France, who flourished about the middle of the

present century, and a Madame de Rouvraje. Though the -
laws of the Romish church forbad their marriage, yet the
history of their affection may be viewed as congenial with
the leading sentiments of this number; and as presenting a
bright pattern of pure constant love, to persons who find no
impediment to the most intimate relation.
“The bishopric of Lucon is near Rochfort, and one of
those, which, being distant from the metropolis, may be call-
I)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 157
-

sed a rich one, as in proportion to the revenue, all provision
is so amazingly cheap. I take the liberty to mention this
as my reason why his lordship was able to do such munifi-
cent acts in his lifetime.
“From his taking the gown he had a sincere affection
for Madame de Rouvraie, who was of a very noble family,
but one among the almost innumerable instances in France,
of high blood, without the means to support it.
“The Abbé Didoyard, though with no income at first
but what his genius and abilities, joined to uncommon in-
dustry, could produce, ever supported her as a gentlewoman.
He taught music, to sing, to paint in crayons and water-
colours, beside giving lectures in the different sciences; and
all to replenish the purse of Madame de Rouvraje.
“He now obtained an advancement in the church; she
of course advanced with him : but he took care always to
board her in such pious and regular families, that envy it-
self (and that quickest of all, the envy of her own sex)
never could fix a stain on his or her character.
“By the various great offers which she often refused, it
is visible she preferred the Abbé, and his celestial qualities,
to all earthly ones ; and she would give it for a reason why
she did not engage in that state, that there was but one
Didoyard in the world, and he was married to CHRIsr.
* Find me a second not so engaged,” said she, and I will
enter into matrimony with him immediately.”
“His merits being now promulgated, he was made a
chanoine of the cathedral church of Anjers, capital of the
province of Anjou ; thence dean of Nantz, whence he was
removed to the bishopric of Lucon. Grown now indepen.
dent, and having early declared that he was an enemy to
translations, he set himself down quietly on this provision;
and Madame de Rouvraie appeared with that rank and
lustre her merits so well deserved,
“He built an elegant seat for her within a league of his
palace, and fixed it in the middle of a spacious park. No

14
158 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
gardens were more elegant than those of Mont-Carnel (for
that was the name of the seat;) and her grottos, her cas.
cades, her fountains, were the topic of every conversation.
“His visits were always in open day, attended by chap.
lains and other safe evidence; nor could he ever be alone
with her, though in broad sunshine. By such means he
quenched every spark of malice, the moment it was struck
with a view to light up the flame of persecution. But their
chief pleasure consisted in mutual letters, many of which
were published in Paris.
“Though these lovers were not separated like Eloisa
and Abelard, yet may some part of their distresses be ima.
gined the same. He could not marry; she would not, in
spite of all his solicitations; having often declared to her
in the tenderest hours, that he could equally love and pro-
vide for her children, as if they were his own; saying,
‘that was the end she was ordained for, and hoped (when
he was jocular) she would not depart without her errand.’
“A few months before the unfortunate expedition to
Rochfort, the bishop died, and many of the English officers,
then prisoners, were witnesses of the universal grief which
spread all over that country, for the loss of the most pious
Christian, sincere friend, good pastor, and fine gentleman,
that ever France, or any other country, has produced.
“In his cabinet was found this letter, which is offered as
a sample of their uncommonly affectionate ones:
-
“. . To MADAME DE ROUVRAIE. -
** * NOT TO BE OPENED TILL AFTER MY DEATH.
“I beg, Madame de Rouvraie, that in regard of the
tender friendship which has subsisted for many years be-
tween us, even in the hour of my death, that you will grant
me my last desires. You will find actions in this
cabinet; and, be they more or less, when I die, the use for
which I design them, is (my debts first paid) that you, Ma-


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 159
dame Rouvraie, will accept of all the poor remainder, as a
proof, though a small one, of the last affection of my heart.
At the same time I request you not to grieve immoderately
at the loss of the sincerest friend that ever existed ; and yet
not worthy of a friend like you. -
“‘No one knows of this bequest; and I beg it may ever
remain concealed.
“‘Yours, in the very hour of death,
“‘ as he was through life,
“‘THE BISHOP of LUCon.”
“As he had built her such an elegant retreat in the
neighbourhood, he showed his tender respect for her, by
desiring to be buried at a convent some hundred miles from
Lucon, where he had originally been a member ; lest, being
deposited under the eyes of Madame de Rouvraie, it might
awaken those feelings, which, by his last letter, he seems
to wish that she would feel no longer.
“Yet such is the nature of grief, that there is an avarice
in hoarding it; for in one of her private apartments she had
the effigy of her dear departed lord in wax ; dressed as he
was wont to be in life; and being like the layman at a
painter's, the arms and legs were made to move; so that
she could fix it in any attitude, which she daily did, and re-
tired from company at set hours, still to live with the bishop
of Lucon, though dead to all the world but his affectionate ,
Madame de Rouvraie,” º - -

WOMEN CAUTIONED AGAINST FLA TTERY.
Our thoughtless sex is caught by outward form
And empty noise, and loves itself in man. DRYDEN.
AMONG all those passions, to which the frailty and weak-
ness of man subject him, there is not any that extends such
a boundless and despotic empire over the whole species as
that of love. The meek, the mild, and the humble, are
strangers to envy, anger, and ambition; but neither the
malicious, the choleric, nor the proud can say, their hearts
have been always free from the power of love. This has
subdued the exalted minds of the most aspiring tyrants, and
has melted the most sanguine complexion into an effeminate
softness. An undaunted hero has been known to tremble,
when he approached the fair; and the mighty Hercules let
fall his club at a woman's feet. The scholar, the statesman,
and the soldier, have all been lovers ; and the most ignorant
swain has neglected both his flocks and pipe to woo Daphne
or Sylvia. ---
But though love be a passion thus common to all, yet
how widely do its votaries differ in their manner of address.
The pleasing enjoyment of the admired object is what they
all pursue ; and yet few agree in the same methods of ob-
taining their ends, or accomplishing their desires. Every
lover has his particular whim, and each resolves to follow
his own way.
But of all the arts which have been practised by the men
on the other sex, I have not observed any kind of address,
which has been so generally successful as flattery.
Whether it be, that, by making a woman in love with her-
self, you thereby engage her to love the person who makes
her so; (as, who would not be fond of the cause which

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 16.1
produces so agreeable an effect 7) or whether her partiality
and self-love do the more readily induce her to believe, that
all the praise given is really due to her merit; or whatever
other reason may be assigned for this weakness, I shall not
now inquire. This, like a subtle poison, insinuates itselfalmost
into every female. Like a delicious cordial, it meets with
an acceptance and approbation too universal ; whilst since-
rity and plain-dealing are treated as nauseous and disgustful
physic.
It may perhaps be said, that we love the treason, and yet
hate the traitor. But she must be a woman of uncommon
virtues and qualifications, who can so nicely distinguish be-
tween the gift and the giver, as to refuse the one, and yet re-
ceive the other. Few of the sex think flattery a vice, and
therefore they cannot be persuaded to dislike a lover for
being a courtier. Though they may be conscious of some
of their own imperfections, yet if their admirers be not quick
sighted enough to discern them, they are willing to impute
their blindness to their love; nay, though some defects be
grossly visible even to the lover, yet if he will compliment
his mistress with that which she really wants, I dare appeal
to the whole sex, whether, in many instances, such incense,
or the offerer of it, be one jot nearer the losing of their fa-
vour, and whether they are not too generally delighted with
both the delusion and the deceiver. But if they really be-
lieve themselves as amiable as the flatterer represents them,
then in point of gratitude they conclude themselves obliged
to think kindly of their benefactor. I shall conclude this pa-
per with a story, which I know to be fact.
Miss Witwou’d was a young gentlewoman of good extrac-
tion, and a handsome fortune. She was exactly shaped,
and very pretty. She dressed and danced genteelly, and
sung Sweetly. But notwithstanding these ádvantages, she had
a predominant attachment to the reputation of a wit. She
fancied that she had as much wit as she wanted, (though in-
deed she wanted more than ever she will have,) ar’
-
-



14*
I62 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
conceit made her fond of scribbling and showing her follies
that way, as well as taking great delight in applause.
My friend Meanwell is a gentleman of good sense and a
sound judgment; he is a professed enemy to flattery, and is
of opinion, that to commend without just grounds, is to rob
the meritorious of that, which only of right belongs to them.
He says a compliment is a modish lie; and declares, that
he would not be guilty of so much baseness as to cry up a
beautiful fool for wit, not even in her own hearing, though
he were sure to have his falsehood rewarded by the affection
of his mistress. Unmerited applause is to him an argument
of want of judgment, or of insincerity; and he resolves,
that he will never attempt to establish another's reputation
at the expense of his own. With these honest, useless quali-
ties, he has made long but fruitless courtship to young Miss
Witwou’d.
Ned Courtly is a new but violent pretender to the same
lady. Ned is a shallow well dressed coxcomb. He was
bred genteelly, and is of a graceful and confident behaviour,
tempered with civility. The shallow thing can wait at a
distance, look at her, and then with a smile approach her,
and say—“You are divinely pretty.” He is also remarka-
bly happy in particular discoveries; and whenever he re-
news a visit to his mistress, she is sure to be presented with
some additional charm, which would for ever have lain con-
cealed, had not Ned most luckily have explored it. Ned
quickly perceived Miss Witwou’d’s weak side, and careful-
ly watched all opportunities of making his advantage of it.
Miss grows enamoured of Ned's company, and begins to
despise Meanwell as an unpolished clown. She likes Ned
As she likes her glass, and for the same reason, that it al.
ways shows her beauties; and she takes as much pleasure
in hearing him, injudiciously as he does it, give her also the
beauties of her mind, as she does to see the glass reflect.
those of her body. One evening lately, Meanwell had the
honour of supping with her. The cloth being taken away,

fjolſ ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 163.
she delivered him a copy of verses, which she said had been
the product of her leisure hours, and desired the opinion of
so good a judge. My friend had the patience to read them
twice over, found nothing extraordinary in them, and Smi-
lingly returned them with a silent bow. He was just about
to speak his mind impartially, when in came Ned Courtly.
He perused and hummed them over in a seeming rapture;
looked at the lady, and then at the paper, for almost half an
hour, in full admiration; and then, with a better air than
ever critic spoke, he pronounced, that the author of those
verses had Congreve's wit, and Waller's softness, and that
there was nothing so completely perfect in all their works.
The consequence was, Meanwell was discarded, because
he would be rigidly honest in trifles; and Ned made his
mistress his wife, because, in spite of nature, he allowed her
to be a poetess; or, perhaps very justly, because he really
thinks her so.

A LETTER FROM A LADY TO IIER YOUNG FRIEND, ON HER
MARRIAGE.
“I ADDRESS myself singly to you, my dear Gertrude, be-
cause the delicacy of your present situation demands my
serious attention, and calls up all my tenderness.
“I am inexpressibly pleased, to find you have made choice
of so worthy a man as Mr. Fitzgerald, and that your parents
approve the object of your selection. I think you have acted
like a woman of sense and prudence, and I make no doubt
but you will preserve the same propriety of conduct when
a wife, as has evidently characterized you whilst single. I
admire that real delicacy, which impelled you to give
immediate dismission to all those pretenders, who so-
licited your hand without being able to influence your heart
in their favour. There cannot be a more despicable pas.
sion, than that insatiable thirst for admiration, which leads a
woman to encourage indiscriminately the forward advances of
every coxcomb, who shall pay her the incense of flattery;
and to be continually spreading her lures to attract adula-
tion, however in her heart she may despise the person who
offers it. -
i “I am sensible, my dear Gertrude will 'pardon me, if,
anxious for her future happiness, I venture to give her my
advice and opinion for the preservation of her felicity in the
married state.
“It has often been remarked, that a heart is much easier
gained than kept ; and, believe me, it is a very judicious
observation. There requires more care, attention, and so-
licitude, from the wife to the husband, than from the mistress
to the adoring lover. The lover, being but seldom with you,

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 165
... sees you only in part. It is natural to suppose you would
neither appear before him in a slatternly dress, nor with a
peevish aspect. Your clothes will be always put on with
neatness, and your face dressed in smiles. On the contrary,
the husband, being always in your company, has an oppor-
tunity of discovering every little defect or blemish in your
person, manners, or disposition; and the chief study of a
wife should be, to guard against every thing that might
create distaste, or excite disgust.
“In the first place, let me recommend a most scrupulous
regard to delicacy and neatness. Many young women fool-
ishly imagine, as soon as they are married, they have a right
to understand and laugh at an indelicate allusion. But from
this fault the native purity of your mind will, I am certain,
preserve you ; since nothing but extreme ignorance or levity
could lead any woman to listen, with apparent pleasure, to
an improper tale, or ill-timed jest. There are too many -
men, yea, even among those who call themselves gentlemen, -
who will not scruple to shock a woman's ears with conver-
sation of this kind. But the look of marked disapprobation
and silent contempt, will never fail to silence them, unless
they are either brutes or fools; and to such there is no fear
of your being exposed. -
“The next thing is, neatness in your person and dress, and
an equanimity of temper, to be preserved towards your hus-
band and your servants. Nothing degrades a gentlewoman
more, than her suffering her temper to be so far ruffled, as
to use improper language to her dependants; nor can any
thing be more disgusting to a man of sense, than to see his
wife give way to sudden starts of passion.
“To every friend and relation of your husband, show a
polite attention, and marked preference. Show him, that to
be related to, or esteemed by him, is a sufficient claim upon
your regard. Whatever be his errors, confine the know-
ledge of them to your own bosom ; and endeavour, by the
mildest persuasions, to lead him to the path of rectitude. Dis.




166 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
cretion must direct you as to the proper season to offer your .
advice and opinions; since men in general are so tenacious
of their prerogative, that they start from every thing which
has the least appearance of control or opposition. If he
should be fond of company, dissipation, and expensive amuse-
ments, be it your study to detach his mind from those pur-
suits, by endeavouring to render his home delightful. Let
your face be ever arrayed in smiles at his approach; form
a society of those he loves and esteems most ; exert your
various abilities to charm and entertain him; and believe me,
he who constantly meets cheerfulness and smiles at home,
will seldom wish to seek abroad for pleasure.
“Above all things, never suffer any person to speak dis-
respectfully of him in your presence; and guard your heart
from the least approach of jealousy. Should there even be
occasion for suspicion, be careful not to let him see you have
discovered his dishonourable conduct, and never suffer any
º one, more especially a man, to hear you complain.
“Avoid reproaches. They, in general, increase rather
than alleviate the distress. If patient suffering and the mild
remonstrance of an afflicted uncomplaining spirit, will not
work a reformation, reproach and discontent never will.
“You must not be above attending to his interest, so far as
may lead you to inspect the expenses of your family. Let
your own expenses be regulated by prudence void of parsi-
mony, and suffer not a passion for finery, and a wish to
eclipse your acquaintances, to prompt you to overstep your
income, or deprive you of the inexpressible pleasure of re-
lieving indigent merit. - -
“There is one more circumstance I mustmention, although
a thorough knowledge of your disposition renders it almost
unnecessary ; yet I have seen so many couples made inex-
pressibly miserable by it, that I cannot resist my inclination
to warn you of so dangerous a conduct. Never permit any
man, however clothed with the mask of friendship, to treat
you with familiarity. There are many freedoms, which to

BOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 167
a girl may be perfectly innocent, and yet become crimes
when offered to, or received by a married woman. A mar-
ried woman should never suffer a man to entertain her in a
strain of gallantry. A pressure of the hand is an affront,
and an attempt at a salute (except where the nearness of a
relation authorizes such a liberty) is, and should be resented
as an insult. - ^
“There is a decent gravity of manner that will at once
excite admiration and respect, and yet exclude all improper
familiarity; nor can any thing be more ridiculous, than to
see the mistress of a family, perhaps the mother of four or
five children, affecting a giddy flirting carriage, that would
be hardly excusable in a girl of sixteen. It may, in some
instances, proceed from an innocent gayety of heart; but it
hardly ever fails of degenerating into lenity and imprudence;
always lays a woman open to insult, of which she cannot
complain, because she evidently invited it; and too often
ends in the total loss of honour, happiness, and reputation.
Be cheerful, condescending, and polite too all; but let there
ever be that dignity in your manner, which may keep im-
pertinent fools or designing villains at a proper distance.
“Pardon the length of this epistle, and believe it proceeds
from a friend who loves you. Remember me affectionately
to your dear sisters. Adieu. May every blessing be your
portion here and hereafter! -
“MENTORIA.”
º

FROM THE SAME, TO THE SAME, UPON THE BIRTH OF A
- DAUGHTER,

THE news that you are mother of a daughter, my dear
Gertrude, does, believe me, give as much satisfaction to
my heart, as any sublunary pleasure possibly can. I can-
not, therefore, resist the desire I now feel of addressing you,
in regard to this dear, this precious little charge, with which
it has pleased Heaven to intrust you. May it ever be im-
pressed on your mind, that the future happiness or misery of
this child depends greatly on the treatment she receives du-
ring her puerile years 1
º “Let not a too great fondness prompt you, by extreme
indulgence, to enervate the faculties of her soul, or pervert
her disposition, and thus render her totally unfit to bear the
inconveniencies and crosses she must necessarily meet with
in her passage through life. On the contrary, do not, by
an ill-judged severity, drive her to mean subterfuges, false-
hoods, and deceit, through fear of your anger, Many an
amiable girl has been totally ruined by such treatment; it
leads them to fear, but not love their parents; it prompts
them to make companions of their servants; and often ends
in the perversion of their principles.
“Teach her to fear to disoblige you; but let it be through
fear of losing your affection, not from the apprehension of
punishment. Do not be too anxious to have your child
praised for an early progress in her education; a young
mind should not be loaded, it spoils the memory, and often
occasions a dislike to study in more advanced life; besides
children accustomed to hear themselves commended, are apt
to think themselves sufficiently wise and accomplished, before
their education is well begun.
-
-
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. . 169
“Do not encourage in her a love of finery, or suffer her
to be told she is handsome ; they will both be very permi-
cious to her future tranquillity.
“There is one thing which parents are very apt, not only
to do themselves, but to suffer their servants to do the same,
that is, when any little master visits the house nearly of
miss’s age, she is told, that he is her little husband, and that
she must hold up her head and behave like a woman, or
she will never be married. Thus is the idea of love and
lovers introduced into her little heart, before she is capable
of understanding what the word means. This is, to me, the
most foolish conduct in the world, and nothing would offend
me so soon, as having such ridiculous things said to any
child, in whose education and future prospects I was at all
concerned. Teach her the difference between right and
wrong; and convince her reason, by pointing out the real
way to promote her own happiness, and merit the regard
and esteem of her friends.
“Do not introduce your girl too early into public circles;
it will give her a taste for dissipation. In proper time let
her partake, in moderation, of all the innocent amusements
of the metropolis, so as to prevent the bad effects of curiosity
ungratified ; but at the same time accustom her to find re.
sources within herself, which may at all times enable her
to banish that monster, ennui. -
“Trust not the cultivation of her mental faculties, or the
forming of her moral character, to any one but yourself.
As she advances towards womanhood, make her your friend
and companion; let the distance between mother and
daughter be forgotten; and, by treating her with a degree
of confidence, encourage her to make your bosom the re-
pository of all her secrets, and be ready to apply to your
better judgment to direct all her actions.
“I am certain there would not be half the imprudencies
committed by girls in general, if they were not kept at such
an awful distance by their mothers; that, fearing either ri


15 -
170 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
dicule or reproof, they dare not intrust them with their little
plans and disappointments. Relying, therefore, on the ad-
vice of some one as inexperienced as themselves, or to the
suggestion of their own simple hearts, they involve them-
selves in troubles, which endanger their peace of mind, and
ruin their reputation; but so it will ever be, whilst mothers
forget they have ever been girls themselves, and make no
allowance for the volatility of youth, and the innocent im-
pulses of a heart unburdened by the cares of the world.
-“There is yet another subject, which dwells still nearer
my heart, the necessity of giving your child a proper sense
of the high advantages of early piety. Example, my dear
friend, must accompany and enforce your rational scriptural
instructions, must teach her the true principles of the
Christian religion. Let her see you in the act of devotion;
let her curiosity be awakened, and then, as you answer her
questions, endeavour to lead by degrees to love, adore, and
worship the Almighty Giver of all good. Convince her of
her dependence on his bounty for food, raiment, and all the
blessings of life. Teach her to place her whole confidence
in his mercy, to receive even the smallest blessing with
gratitude, and to bow under the heaviest affliction with pa-
tience and humility.
“But above all things, mind that your example does not
contradict your precept. What confidence can a child
place in the religion of its parent, when the parent lives in
direct opposition to the precepts of that religion?
“Our duty is plainly marked, and so easy, that, when we
do not perform it, we take more pains to court misery, than
would suffice to make us truly happy. What can be more
easily comprehended, even by the meanest understanding?
“Do justly, love mercy, and walk humbly.” “Love thy
Creator above all things, and thy neighbour as thyself.'
* Forgive, as you hope to be forgiven.’ And remember,
that “with the same measure you mete, the like shall be
given you again.”


-
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 171
“God preserve and bless you! May peace reign in your
heart, and true piety direct your actions! May you so pass
through this transitory life, as not to dread the approach of
the messenger, who shall convey you to eternal rest!
“‘And when, at last, death shall your frame destroy,
Bie by some sudden ecstasy of joy:
Peaceful, sleep out the Sabbath of the tomb,
And wake to raptures in a life to come!’”

oN THE TYRANNY of HUSBANDs.—PLINY’s LETTERs To
CALPHURNIA. -
-
-
– Let us scan
The coward insults of that tyrant, man.
Self-praised, and grasping at despotic power,
He looks on slavery as the female dower;
To nature's boon ascribes what force has given,
And usurpation deems the gift of heaven. ANoN-
IT has often been a solid grief to me, when I have re-
flected on this glorious nation, which is the scene of public
happiness and liberty, that there are still crowds of private
tyrants, against whom there neither is any law in being,
nor can there be invented any by the wit of man. These
cruel men are ill-natured husbands.
Sylvia was, neither in fortune, birth, nor education, below
the gentleman whom she has married. Her person, her
age, and her character, are also such as he can make no
exception to. But so it is, that from the moment the mar-
riage ceremony was 1. the obsequiousness of a lover was
turned into the haughtness of a master. All the kind en-
dearments which she uses to please him, are at best but so.
many instances of her duty. This insolence takes away
that secret satisfaction, which does not only excite to virtue,
but also rewards it. It abates the fire of a free and gene-
rous love, and imbitters all the pleasures of a social life.
An affliction of this sort is the greatest that can happen
in human life; and I know but one consolation in it, (if that
be a consolation,) that the calamity is a pretty general one.
There is nothing so common as for men to enter into mar:
riage, without so much as expecting to be happy in it.
-
º
º

10 ONIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 173 -
- -
They seem to propose to themselves a few holidays in the
beginning of it; after which they are to return at best to
the usual course of their life, and for aught they know, to
constant misery and uneasiness. From this false sense of
the state they are going into, proceeds the immediate cold-
ness and indifference, or hatred and aversion, which attend
ordinary marriages. - -
The humour of affecting a superior carriage, generally
rises from a false notion of the weakness of a female under-
standing in general, or an overweening opinion that we have
of our own: for when it proceeds from a natural ruggedness
and brutality of temper, it is altogether incorrigible, and not º
to be amended by admonition. Sir Francis Bacon, as I
remember, lays it down as as maxim, that no marriage can
be happy, in which the wife has no opinion of her husband's
wisdom; but, without offence to so great an authority, I
may venture to say, that a sullen wise man is as bad as a
good-natured fool. Knowledge, softened with complacency
and good breeding, will make a man equally beloved and
respected; but when joined with a severe, distant, and un-
sociable temper, it creates rather fear than love. rº
Pliny, one of the greatest as well as the most learned men,
was also one of the best husbands in the whole Roman
empire. The following letters were written by him to his º
wife Calphurnia, at a time when she was at a distance from -
him, and are full of conjugal tenderness.
Pliny to Calphurnia.
Never was business more uneasy to me, than when it
prevented me not only from attending, but following you
into Campania. As at all times, so particularly now, I
wish to be with you, that I may be a witness what progress
you make in the recovery of your strength, and how the
tranquillity, the amusements, and plenty of that charming
country agrees with you. Were you in perfect health, yet






15* -
174 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEry.
I could ill support your absence; for, even a moment's un-
certainty of the welfare of those we tenderly love, is a situa-
tion of mind infinitely painful: but at present your sickness
conspires with your absence to perplex me with a thousand
disquietudes. I fear every thing that can befall you, and, as
is usual with all under the same anxious apprehensions,
suspect most what I most dread. Let me conjure you
then to prevent my solicitude by writing to me every day,
and even twice a day : I shall be more easy, at least whilst
I am reading your letters; though all my fears will again
return the moment I have perused them. Farewell,
Second Letter.
You kindly tell me, my absence very sensibly affects
you, and that your only consolation is in conversing with
my works, which you frequently substitute in my place by
your side. How agreeable is it to me to know, that you
thus wish for my company, and support yourself under the
want of it by these consolations ! In return, I entertain
myself with reading over your letters again and again, and
am continually taking them up, as if I had but just then re-
ceived them ; but alas ! they only serve to make me more
strongly regret your absence; for, how amiable must her
conversation be, whose letters have so many charms | Let
me receive them, ho ver, as often as possible, notwith-
standing there is always some mixture of pain in the plea-
sure they afford me, as they render me the more sensible
of the loss I suffer by my absence. Farewell,
Third Letter.
It is incredible how impatiently I wait for your return ;
such is the tenderness of my affection for you, and so un-
accustomed am I to a separation I lie awake the greatest
part of the night thinking of you, and (to use a very com: :





DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 175
mon, but very true expression) my feet carry me of their
own accord to your apartment, at those hours I used to
visit you ; but not finding you there, I return with as much
sorrow and disappointment as an excluded lover. The
only intermission my anxiety knows, is, when I am engaged
at the bar, and in the causes of my friends. Judge then
how wretched must his life be, who finds no repose but in
business; no consolation but in a crowd. Farewell,
-


MARRIAGE, BY WHOM RIDICULED.
-
—— Thesea pectora, juncta fide.
OvID TR1st.
Breasts that with sympathizing ardour glowed,
And holy friendship such as Theseus vowed. ANON.
PROFANE wits, instead of correcting the vices of the ages
do all they can to inflame them. Marriage has been one
of the common topics of ridicule in which every stage scrib-
bler hath found his account : for whenever there is an oc-
casion for a clap, an impertinent jest upon matrimony is
sure to raise it. A kind husband hath, in consequence,
been looked upon as a clown; and a good wife as a do-
mestic animal, unfit for the company or conversation of the
beau monde. In short, separate beds, silent tables, and
solitary homes, have been introduced, more particularly in
the European world, by your men of wit and pleasure of
the age. ' - -
As I always mean to stem the torrents of prejudice and
vice, I shall take particular care to put an honest father of
a family in countenance, and endeavour to remove all the
evils out of that state of life, which is either the most happy
or the most miserable in which a man can be placed. I
have shown in my last paper, that Pliny, who was a man
of the greatest genius, as well as of the first quality of his
age, did not think it below him, to be a kind husband, and
to treat his wife as a friend, companion, and counsellor. I
shall give the like instance of another, who was one of the
most distinguished characters in the Roman republic, and
hath written a whole book of letters to his wife. They are
-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 177
full of that beautiful simplicity which is altogether natural,
and is the distinguishing character of the best ancient writers.
The author of whom I speak is Cicero; who in the follow-
ing pages I have taken out of his letters, as translated by
William Melmoth, Esq., shows that he did not think it in-
consistent with the politeness of his manners, or the great-
ness of his wisdom, to stand upon record in his domestic
character.
Cicero to Terentia, to my dearest Tullia, and to my son.
If you do not hear from me so frequently as you might,
it is because I can neither write to you, nor read your letters,
without falling into a greater passion of tears than I am able
to support; for though I am at all times indeed completely .
miserable, yet I feel my misfortunes with a particular sensi-
bility upon those tender occasions.”
Oh! that I had been more indifferent to life! Our days
would thon havo boon, if not wholly unacquainted with sor- º -
row, yet by no means thus wretched. Ah! my dearest Te.
rentia, if we are utterly and for ever abandoned by those
gods, whom you have so religiously adored, and by those
men, whom I have so faithfully served ; let me see you as
soon as possible, that I may have the satisfaction of breath-
ing out my last departing sigh in your arms.
And now, my Terentia, thus wretched and ruined as I am,
can I entreat you under all that weight of pain and sorrow,
with which, I too well know, you are oppressed, can I en-
treat you to be the partner and companion of my exile?
But must I then be left without you? I know not how to
reconcile myself to that hard condition; unless your pre-
sence at Rome may be a mean of forwarding my return,
if any hopes of that kind should indeed subsist. But should
there as I sadly suspect, be absolutely none, come to me,
º - º
*These letters were written during his exile, by the influence of his mas
lignant adversary, Clodius. º



178 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
I conjure you, if it be possible; for never can I think my-
self completely ruined, whilst I shall enjoy my Terentia's
company. But how will my dearest daughter dispose of
herself? A question which you yourself must consider;
for as to my own part, I am utterly at a loss what to advise.
At all events, however, that dear unhappy girl must not take
any measure, that may injure her conjugal repose, or affect
her in the opinion of the world. As for my son—let me
not at least be deprived of the consolation of ſolding him
for ever in my arms. But I must lay down my pen a
few moments: my tears flow too fast to suffer me to pro-
ceed.
Let me conjure you to bear up under the pressure of af.
fliction with as much resolution as possible. Remember
that my days have all been honourable; and that I now suſ.
fer, not for my crimes, but my virtue. -
I entreat you to take all possible care of your health :
and be assured, your misfortunes more sensibly affect me
******* ***J - " " --- - - - it
best of wives | Adieu. And thou, my dearest daughter, to-
gether with that other consolation of my life, my dear son,
I bid you most tenderly farewell.
ITTTCU: 11 L Gli LiCl2 u 11 L
Second.
Imagine not, my Terentia, that I write longer letters to
others than to yourself: be assured at least, if ever I do, it
is merely because those I receive from them require a par-
ticular answer. The truth of it is, I am always at a loss
what to write: and as there is nothing in the present dejec-
tion of mind, that I perform with greater reluctance in ge-
neral; so I never attempt it with regard to you and my
dearest daughter, that it does not cost me a flood of tears.
For how can I think of you without being pierced with grief
in the reflection that I have made those completely misera-
ble, whom I ought, and wished, to have rendered perfectly
happy? -




DoMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED. . - 179
I have the satisfaction to find, what indeed I had reason to
expect, that you act with great spirit and tenderness in all
my concerns. But I lament it should be my cruel fate to
expose you to so many calamities, whilst you are thus ge-
nerously endeavouring to ease the weight of mine. Be as-
sured it is with the utmost grief I read the account which
Publius sent me, of the opprobrious manner in which you
were dragged from the temple of Vesta. Sad reverse in-
deed! that thou, the dearest object of my fond desires,
that my Terentia, to whom such numbers were wont to look
up for relief, should be herself a spectacle of the most af.
fecting distress and that I, who have saved so many others
from ruin, should have ruined both myself and my family
by my own indiscretion
If you have any affection for me, let not your anxiety
upon my account injure your health; which, alas ! is al-
ready too much impaired. Believe me, you are the perpe-
tual subject of my waking and sleeping thoughts; and as I
know the assiduity you exert in my behalf, I have a thousand
fears lest your strength should not be equal to so continued
a fatigue.
Third.
I received three letters from you by the hands of Aris.
tocritus, and have wept over them till they are almost
defaced with my tears. Ah! my Terentia, I am worn out
with grief: nor do my own personal misfortunes more se-
verely torture my mind, than those with which you and my
children are oppressed. Unhappy indeed, as you are, I am
still infinitely more so; as our common afflictions are at-
tended with this aggravating circumstance, that they are
justly to be imputed to my imprudence alone. Yes, my
Terentia, I blush to reflect, that I did not exert that spirit I
ought, for the sake of so excellent a wife, and such amia-
ble children. I am perfectly sensible of those good offices,
which Piso exerts towards us with so uncommon a zeal.
-


180 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI).
Heaven grant I may live to enjoy with you and our children,
the common happiness of so valuable a relation In an-
swer to your tender proposal of accompanying me in my
exile, I rather choose you should continue in Rome, as I am
sensible it is upon you that the principal burthen of my af.
fairs must rest. If your generous negotiations should suc-
ceed, my return will prevent the necessity of that journey :
if otherwise But I need not add the rest.
Take care of your health, I conjure you ; assuring your-
self, that you are, as you ever have been, the object of
my föndest wishes. Farewell, my dear Terentia " I see
you so strongly before me whilst I am writing, that I am ut-
terly spent with the tears I have shed. Once more, fare-
well.

AN ALLEGORY FOR THE USE OF THOSE LADIES WHO HAVE
LOST THE AFFECTIONS OF THEIR HUSBANDS, AND ARE WIL-
LING TO REGAIN THEM.
wº-
*.
—Ut ameris, amabilis esto. OVID.
In order to be loved, be lovely. ANON.
Juno, says Homer, seeing her Jupiter seated on the top
of Mount Ida, and knowing that he had conceived an aver-
sion from her, began to study how she should regain his
affections, and make herself amiable to him. With this
thought she immediately retired into her chamber, where
she bathed herself in ambrosia, which gave her person all
its beauty, and diffused so divine an odour, as refreshed all
nature, and sweetened both heaven and earth. She let her
immortal tresses flow in the most graceful manner, and took
a particular care to dress herselfin several ornaments, which
the poet describes at length, and which the goddess chose
out as the most proper to set off her person to the best ad-
vantage. In the next place she made a visit to Venus, the
deity who presides over love, and begged of her, as a par-
ticular favour, that she would lend her for a while those
charms, with which she subdued the hearts both of gods and
men. For, says the goddess, I would make use of them to
reconcile the two deities, who took care of me in my infancy,
and who at present are at so great a variance, that they are
estranged from each other's bed. Venus was proud of an
opportunity of obliging so great a goddess, and therefore -
made her a present of the cestus which she used to wear
about her own waist, with advice to hide it in her bosom,
till she had accomplished her intention. This cestus was a
fine parti-coloured girdle, which, as Homer tells us, had all
the attractions of the sex wrought into it. The four prin.
--

16 -
182 DOMEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI).
-
cipal figures in the embroidery, were love, desire, fondness
of speech, and conversation, filled with that sweetness and
complacency which, says the poet, insensibly steal away the
hearts of the wisest men.
-
In this was every art and every charify
To win the wisest and the coldest warm ;
Fond love, the gentle vow, the gay desire,
The kind deceit, the still reviving fire,
Persuasive speech, and more persuasive sighs,
Silence that speaks, and eloquence of eyes. Pop E.
Juno, after having made these necessary preparations,
came, as by accident, into the presence of Jupiter, who is
said to have been as much inflamed with her beauty, as
when he first stole to her embraces without the consent of
their parents. Juno, to cover her real thoughts, told him
as she had told Venus, that she was going to make a visit
to Oceanus and Tethys. He prevailed on her to stay with
him, protesting to her, that she appeared more amiable in
his eye than ever any mortal, goddess, or even herself had
appeared to him till that day. The poet then represents
him in so great an ardour, that (without going up to the
house which had been built by the hands of Vulcan, ac-
cording to Juno’s direction) he threw a golden cloud over
their heads, as they sat upon the top of Mount Ida, while
the earth beneath them sprung up in lotuses, saffrons, hya-
cinths, and a bed of the softest flowers for their repose.
This translation of one of the finest passages in Homer,
may suggest abundance of instruction to a woman, who has
a mind to preserve or recall the affection of her husband.
Taking care of the person and the dress, with the particular
blandishments woven in the cestus, are so plainly recom-
mended by this fable, and so indispensably necessary in
every female who desires to please, that they need no far-
ther explanation. The discretion likewise in covering all
matrimonial quarrels from the knowledge of others, is taught
in the pretended visit to Tethys, in the speech where Juno




DoNESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 183
addresses herself to Venus; as the chaste and prudent ma-
nagement of a wife's charms is intimated by the same pre-
tence for her appearing before Jupiter, and by the conceal-
ment of the cestus in her bosom.
I shall leave this tale to the consideration of such good
housewives who are never well dressed but when they are
abroad, and think it necessary to appear more agreeable to
all men living than their husbands: as also to those prudent
ladies, who, to avoid the appearance of being over-fond, en-
tertain their husbands with indifference, aversion, sullen
silence, or exasperating language.

LOVE AND LUST DISTINGUISHED.—THE ADVANTAGES OF
MIATRIMONY.
Capricious, wanton, bold, and brutal lust,
Is meanly selfish; when resisted, cruel;
And, like the blast of pestilential winds,
Taints the sweet bloom of nature's fairest forms:
But love, like odorous Zephyr's grateful breath,
Repays the flower that sweetness which it borrows.
Uninjuring, uninjured lovers move
In their own sphere of happiness content,
By mutual truth avoiding mutual blame. DALTON.
THE imposition of honest names and words upon improper
subjects, has made so regular a confusion among us, that
we are apt to sit down with our errors, well enough satisfied
with the methods we are fallen into, without attempting to
deliver ourselves from the tyranny under which we are
reduced by such innovations. Of all the laudable motives
of human life, none has suffered so much in this kind as love;
under which revered name, a brutal desire called lust is
frequently concealed and admitted; though they differ as
much as a matron from a prostitute, or a companion from a
buffoon. -
The figures which the ancient mythologists and poets put
upon love and lust in their writings, are very instructive.
Love is a beauteous blind child, adorned with a quiver and
a bow, which he plays with and shoots around him, without
- design or direction; to intimate to us, that the person be-
loved has no intention to give us the anxieties we meet with:
but that the beauties of a worthy object are like the charms
of a lovely infant; they cannot but attract your concern






DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 185
and fondness, though the child so regarded is as insensible
of the value you put upon it, as it is that it deserves your
benevolence. On the other side, the sages figured lust in
the form of a satyr; of shape, part human, part bestial; to
signify, that the followers of it prostitute the reason of a man.
to pursue the appetites of a beast. This Satyr is made to
haunt the paths and coverts of the wood-nymphs and shep-
herdesses, to lurk on the banks of rivulets, and watch the
purling streams, (as the resorts of retired virgins) to show,
that lawless desire tends chiefly to prey upon innocence;
and has something so unnatural in it, that it hates its own
make, and shuns the object it loved, as soon as it has made
it like itself. Love therefore is a child, that complains and
bewails its own inability to help itself, and weeps for assist-
ance, without an immediate reflection or knowledge of the
food it wants; lust is a watchful thief, which seizes its prey,
and lays snares for its own relief; and its principal object
being innocence, it never robs but it murders at the same time.
From this idea of a Cupid and a satyr, we may settle our
notion of these different desires, and accordingly rank their
followers. ASPASIA must therefore be allowed to be the
first of the beauteous order of love, whose unaffected free-
dom and conscious innocence give, her the attendance of the
graces in all her actions. That awful distance which we
bear towards her in all our thoughts of her, and that cheer.
ful familiarity with which we approach her, are certain
instances of her being the true object of love. In this ac-
complished lady love is the constant effect, because it is
never the design. Yet though her mien carries much more
invitation than command, to behold her is an immediate
check to loose behaviour; and to love her is a liberal edu.
cation: for, it being the nature of all to love to create an
imitation of the beloved person in the lover, a regard for
ASPASIA naturally produces decency of manners, and good
conduct of life in her admirers. If therefore, the giggling
Leucº could but see her train of fops assembled, and
16. -


186 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS-PORTRAYED.
ASPASIA move by them, she would be mortified at the vene-
ration with which she is beheld even by LEUCIPPE's own
unthinking equipage, whose passions have long ago taken
leave of their understandings.
As charity is esteemed a conjunction of the good qualities
necessary to a virtuous man, so love is the happy composition
of all the accomplishments that make a fine gentleman. The
motive of a man's life is seen in all his actions: and such as
have the beauteous boy for their inspirer, have a simplicity
of behaviour, and a certain evenness of desire, which burns
like the lamp of life in their bosoms; while they who are
instigated by the satyr are ever tormented by jealousies of
the object of their wishes, often desire what they scorn, and
as often consciously and knowingly embrace where they
are mutually indifferent. -
AMANDA, the wife of FLORIO, lives in the continual enjoy-
ment of new instances of her husband's friendship, and sees
it the end of all his ambition to make her life one
series of pleasure and satisfaction; and Amanda's relish of
the goods of life is all that makes them pleasing to
Florio; they behave themselves to each other, when pre-
sent, with a certain apparent benevolence, which transports
above rapture; and they think of each other in abscence,
with a confidence unknown to the highest friendship; their
satisfactions are doubled, their sorrows lessened, by par.
ticipation. -
He does not understand either vice or virtue who will
not allow, that life without the rules of morality, is a way-
Ward, uneasy being, with snatches only of pleasure; but
under the regulation of virtue, a reasonable and uniform
habit of enjoyment. There is in a play of old Haywood,
a speech at the end of an act, which touches this point with
much spirit. He makes a married man, upon some endcar.
ing occasion, look at his spouse with an air of fondness, and
fall into the following reflection on his condition :-
--


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 187
O marriage happiest, easiest, safest state |
Let debauchees and drunkards scorn thy rights,
Who, in their nauseous draughts and lusts, profane
Both thee, and Heaven by whom thou wert ordained.
How can the savage call it loss of freedom,
Thus to converse with, thus to gaze on,
A faithful, beauteous friend ?
Blush not, my fair one, that thy love applauds thee,
Nor be it painful to my wedded wife,
That my full heart o'erflows in praise of thee.
Thou art by law, by interest, passion, mine:
Passion and reason join in love of thee.
Thus through a world of calumny and fraud
We pass both unreproached, both undeceived;
Whilst in each other's interest and happiness
We without art all faculties employ,
And all our senses without guilt enjoy, º

A PICTURE OF DOMESTIC LIFE, IN WHICH THE GREATEST QUAR-
RELS THAT HAPPEN BETWEEN MARRIED PEOPLE ARE PROVED
TO SPRING IN GENERAL FROM THE MOST TRIFE, ING CIRCUM-
STANCES. A HUMOUROUS DIALOGUE BETweeN TWO VENE-
-
R.A.BLE LOVER. S.
When souls that should agree to will the same,
To have one common object of their wishes,
Look different ways, regardless of each other,
Ah what a train of wretchedness ensues Row E.
THE felicity of the connubial state essentially depends
upon mutual harmony and sentimental attachment. The
uninterrupted flow of virtuous affection will contribute in-
conceivably more to the promotion of this great object, than
every other consideration. The hymeneal bonds are, or
ought to be, bonds of pure inviolable friendship. In propor-
tion to the inviolability of this friendship, will be the enjoy-
ment of those who are linked in these bonds.
Yet, such is the imperfection of man, and of the relations
which he sustains; such the vanity inscribed on the fairest
prospects of life; that this sentiment is not invariably che-
rished or allowed its due force by many, who, in their gen-
eral deportment, exhibit mutual esteem. Trifles will some-
times preponderate in the scale against every argument
which reason suggests, and impede the happy intercourse of º
kindred souls. Contentions arise at an unguarded moment,
upon some very slender occasion. A diversity of opinion.
in an affair, which in the season of calm recollection each.
would treat as unworthy of a serious consideration, will im.
print a frown on the face, usually adorned with smiles, and

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS FORTRAYED. 189
force the language of discordance from the lips that lately
uttered the softest notes of love. Even in these happy
climes, situated at a due distance from the vicious, polluting
examples, with which the old world abounds, and where the
marriage state is generally the state of friendship and purity;
a caution against the violation of its harmonious laws is too
often requisite. The representation of a correspondent,
here introduced, may, it is feared, be adopted, with a little
variation, by too many of our countrymen and countrywo-
Iſlen.
SIR, - ---
You must know, that I am married to one of the most
agreeable women in the world, have an unabating passion
for my wife, and every reason to imagine her sentiments are
equally tender for me: there is nothing of consequence but
what we continually study to oblige each other in ; yet, at
the same time, there are a thousand little trifles in which we
are always sure to disagree, and which are not only an end-
less source of disquiet to ourselves, but of uneasiness to our
whole family. - -
Last night, for instance, sir, after supper, I acquainted
Nancy that a vintner, who owed me a hundred pounds for º
some Lisbon, (for you must know I am a wine merchant.) -
had failed, and that there was little probability of expecting
two and sixpence from the sale of all his effects. I further-
more informed her, that I was much to blame in the affair,
and that I had trusted this man contrary to the advice
of an intimate friend, who was perfectly conversant
with his circumstances. My wife, instead of reprehend-
ing me for indiscretion, as the generality of her sex would
have done in the same case, made use of every argu-
ment in her power to dissipate my chagrin ; told me the
most careful were unable now and then to avoid an error,
and bid me console myself under my loss, by thanking Pro-
vidence that I had not been a sufferer in double the sum. I
- - *



190 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
-
was greatly charmed with this disposition in Mrs. Mountain,
and expressed my sensibility of it in a manner with which
she seemed exceedingly pleased.
After all this, would you imagine, sir, that a most trivial
circumstance should make us part beds for that night! My
favourite liquor is a glass of punch, and it happens to be
my wife's too : making a little as we were alone, I unluckily
Squeezed the pulp of the lemon into the bowl ; upon which
she immediately exclaimed, with some warmth–" Lord, my
dear, you have spoiled the punch ſ” “No, my love,” re-
plied I, “the pulp gives it a fine flavour; and besides, you
know I am very fond of it.” “Ay, but,” says she, “you
are sensible I cannot abide it.” “Then, my dear, returned
I, “it is an easy matter to avoid putting any into your glass.”
“Lord ' Mr. Mountain, I have spoken to you a thousand
times about this very circumstance; I believe, in my con-
science, you do it on purpose to give me disgust.” -
Here, sir, we began a contest; severity produced severity,
fill at last I ordered a bed to be made for myself; and poor
Nancy retired to her own with her eyes swimming in tears.
For the whole night neither of us (for I judge of her by
myself) had a single wink of sleep; we tumbled and tossed,
canvassed the matter fifty ways in our minds, and at last
concluded that we were both in the wrong. Yet, notwith-
standing all this, when we met at breakfast, but an hour
ago, neither of us would condescend to speak first ; we af.
fected a resentment of countenance that was utterly foreign
to our hearts, and endeavoured to keep up the appearance
of an unremitting anger, when we both of us longed to be
reconciled, and had the most passionate inclination to be
pleased. Breakfast was over before we exchanged a syl- *
lable. When the servant had left the room, I prepared to
go out, and had just got to the parlour door, when poor
Nancy, unable to hold it out any longer, cried, in a tone of*
irresistible softness, “And will you go out without speaking
a word 7”. Here our whole ridiculous quarrel was at an
-




DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 191
end : I turned to her with all the fondness I could possibly
assume, and held her in my arms for some moments; whilst
she, returning the fervour of the embrace, burst into a flood
of tears.
It is inconceivable to think, sir, how contemptible these
little differences have made us in the eyes of our own ser-
wants. Whenever they see us cool towards one another,
they titter and laugh, and say the poor things will soon kiss
and make it up again. It was no longer ago than last week,
that I overheard my rascal of a coachman tell one of his
fellow servants, that his master and mistress were nothing
better than an overgrown boy and girl, and that he fancied
a little of his horsewhip would be of great service to both
of them. ºilº -
It is very odd, sir, that people who really love one ano-
ther, and are not wholly destitute of understanding, should
give way to such resentment in the merest trifles, who, in
the most important circumstances of life, are above feeling -
the smallest resentment, or entertaining the minutest dises-
teem. Many is the time, sir, I have found fault with my
wife for stirring the fire, when her spending fifty pounds has
not given me the least uneasiness; and many a time has
she fallen out with me, if, in cutting up a fowl, I happened
to splash ever so small a drop of gravy on the table-cloth,
though she has felt no discomposure in life, if I spoiled a
rich silk, or dirtied a fine head-dress. This morning, how-
ever, we have agreed, as a mean of keeping ourselves from
passions of this nature for the future, to send you the fore.
going account; and if it should turn out any way servicea.
ble to others, as I hope it will, I shall have a double reason
to sign myselfyour most humble servant, º
. ſº RoPERT MoUNTAIN,"
---
º º
I shall conclude this number with an apposite and in-
structive dialogue between a gentleman in advanced life,




+92 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
.."
and a venerable widow, which broke off a match on the
very day in which it had been determined. It is contained
in a letter of Dr. Goldsmith's Chinese Philosopher.
“At dinner (the season of the nuptials between his son
and the niece of his friend) every thing seemed to run on
with good humour, harmony, and satisfaction. My friend
sat next his mistress, helped her plate, chimed her glass,
and jogging her knees and elbow, he whispered something
arch in her ear, on which she patted his cheek; never was
antiquated passion so harmless and amusing as between this
reverend couple.
“The second course was now called for; and among a
variety of other dishes, a fine turkey was placed before the
widow. My friend begged his mistress to help him to a
part of the turkey. The widow, pleased with an opportu-
mity of showing her skill in carving, (an art upon which it
seems she piqued herself) began to cut it up by first taking
off the leg. ‘Madam, cries my friend, “if I might be per-
mitted to advise, I would begin by cutting off the wing, and
then the leg will come off more easily.’ “Sir” replies the
widow, ‘give me leave to understand-cutting up a fowl; I
always begin with the leg.’ ‘Yes, madam,” replies the
lover; but if the wing be the most convenient manner, I
would begin with the wing.’ “Sir,’ interrupts the lady,
‘when you have fowls of your own, begin with the wing, if
you please; but give me leave to take off the leg; I hope
I am not to be taught at this time of day.’ ‘Madam,” in-
terrupts he, “we are never too old to be instructed.’ “ Old,
sir!’ interrupts the other, who is old, sir? When I die of
age, I know of some that will quake for fear ; if the leg
does not come off, take the turkey to yourself.’ ‘Madam,”
replied my friend, ‘I do not care a farthing whether the leg
or the wing comes off; if you are for the leg first, why, you
shall have the argument, even though it be as I say.” “As

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 193
for the matter of that,’ cries the widow, “I do not care a fig
whether you are for the leg off or on; and, friend, for the
future, keep your distance.’ ‘O,” replied the other, “that
is easily done, it is only removing to the other end of the
table; and so, madam, your most obedienthumble servant.’”
-


THE NECESSITY OF PAYING A REGARD TO TRIFLES, IN ORDER
TO PROCURE HAPPINESS IN THE MARRIAGE STATE.
Hae sunt jueundi causa, cibusque mali. OvID,

Trifles sometimes will love create,
Or turn that love to keenest hate. ANON.
IT is very commonly observed, that the most smart pangs
which we meet with are in the beginning of wedlock, which
proceed from ignorance of each other's humour, and a want
of prudence to make allowances for a change from the most
careful respect to the most unbounded familiarity. Hence
it arises that trifles are commonly occasions of the greatest
anxiety ; for contradiction being a thing wholly unusual
between a new married couple, the smallest instance of it is
taken for the highest injury; and it very seldom happens
that a man is slow enough in assuming the character of a
husband, or the woman quick enough in condescending to
that of a wife. It immediately follows, that they think they
have all the time of their courtship been talking in masks
to each other, and therefore begin to act like disappointed
people. PHILANDER finds DELIA ill natured and impertinent;
and DELIA, PHILANDER surly and inconstant.
I have known a fond couple quarrel in the very honey-
moon, about cutting up a tart; nay, I could name two, who,
after having had several children, fell out and parted beds
upon the boiling a leg of mutton. My very next neighbours
have not spoken to one another these three days, because
they differed in their opinions, whether the clock should
stand by the window or over the chimney.
--
i)OMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 195
Those indeed who begin this course of life without jars
at their setting out, arrive within a few months at a pitch of
benevolence and affection, of which the most perfect friend
ship is but a faint resemblance. As in the unfortunate mar-
riage, the most minute and indifferent things are objects of
the sharpest resentment ; so in a happy one, they are occa-
sions of the most exquisite satisfaction. For what does not
oblige in one we love; what does not offend in those we dis.
like For these reasons I take it for a rule, that in mar-
riage, the chief business is to acquire a prepossession in fa-
vour of each other. They should consider one another’s
words and actions with a secret indulgence; there should
be always an inward fondness pleading for each other, such
as may add new beauties to every thing that is excellent,
give charms to what is indifferent, and cover every thing
that is defective. For want of this kind propensity, and
bias of mind, the married pair often take things ill of each
other, which no one else would notice in either of them.
At the same time, that I may do justice to this excellent
institution, I must own there are unspeakable pleasures
which are as little considered in the computation of the ad-
vantages of marriage, as others are in the usual Survey that
is made of its misfortunes.

LovEMORE and his wife live together in the happy pos-
session of each other's hearts, and by that mean have no
indifferent moments, but their whole life is one continued
scene of delight. Their passion for each other communi-
cates a certain satisfaction, like that which they themselves
are in, to all that approach them. When she enters the
place where he is, you see a pleasure which he cannot con-
ceal, nor he nor any one else describe. In so consummate
an affection, the very presence of the person beloved, has
the effect of the most agreeable conversation.—Whether
they have matter to talk of or not, they enjoy the pleasures
of society, and at the same time the freedom of solitude
º,
196 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
Their ordinary life is to be preferred to the happiest mo-
ments of other lovers. In a word, they have each of them "
great merit, live in the esteem of all who know them, and
º º seem but to comply with the opinions of their friends in the
just value they have for each other.

6N THE IMPORTANCE OF THE ART OF PLEASING, WITH CRIMI-
NATING LETTERS B CTWEEN A HUSBAND AND A WIFE.
-
AMONG the many advantages arising from cultivated sen
timent, one of the first and most truly valuable, is that deli-
cate complacency of mind, which leads us to consult the
feelings of those with whom we live, by showing a disposi-
tion to gratify them as far as in our power, and by avoiding
whatever has a contrary tendency. They must indeed have
attended little to what passes in the world, who do not know
the importance of this disposition; who have not observed
that the want of it often poisons the domestic happiness of
families, whose felicity every other circumstance concurs to
promote. Among the letters lately received from my cor-
respondents, are two, which as they afford a lively picture
of the bad consequences resulting from the neglect of this
complacency, I shall here lay before my readers.
SIR,
My father was a merchant of some eminence, who gave
me a good education, and a fortune of several thousand
pounds. With these advantages, a tolerable person, and I -
think not an unamiable temper, I was not long arrived at
womanhood before I found myself possessed of many admi-
rers. Among others was Mr. Gold, a gentleman of a very
respectable character, who had some connexion in trade
with my father. To him, being a young man of a good fi-

17+ -
198 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
gure, and of very open and obliging manners, I soon gave
the preference; and we were accordingly married with the
universal approbation of my friends.
We have now lived together above three years. I go lit.
tle abroad, attend to nothing so much as the economy of our
family, am as obliging as possible to all my husband's friends,
and study in every particular to be a kind and dutiful wife.
Mr. Gold's reputation and success in business daily increases,
and he is, in the main, a kind and attentive husband; yet I
find him so particular in his temper, and so often out of hu-
mour about trifles, that, in spite of all those comfortable cir,
cumstances, I am perfectly unhappy.
At one time he finds fault with the dishes at table; at
another with the choice of my maid servants; sometimes
he is displeased with the trimming of my gown, sometimes
with the shape of my cloak, or the figure of my head dress;
and should I chance to give an opinion on any subject which
is not perfectly to his mind, he probably looks out of hu-
mour at the time, and he is sure to chide me about it when we
are by ourselves. -
It is of no consequence whether I have been right or wrong,
in any of these particulars. If I say a word in defence of
my choice or opinion, it is sure to make matters worse, and
I am only called a fool for my pains; or, if I express my
wonder that he should give myself uneasiness about such
trifles, he answers, sullenly, that, to be sure, every thing is
a trifle, in which I choose to disoblige him.
In a word, Mr. Gold will allow me to have no mind but
his; and unless I can see with his eyes, hear with his ears, and
state with his palate, (none of which I can very easily bring
myself to do, as you must know all of them are somewhat par-
ticular,) I see no prospect of our situation changing for the
better; and what makes our present one doubly provoking,
is, that but for this unfortunate weakness, Mr. Gold, who
is, in other respects, a very worthy man, would make one
of the best of husbands. -


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED. 199.
Pray tell me, sir, what I should do in this situation; or
take your own way of letting my husband see his weakness,
the reformation of which would be the greatest of all earthly
blessings to Yours, &c.
SUSANNAH GoLD.
I was thinking how I could answer this letter, or in what
way I could be useful to my correspondent, when I received
the following, addressed to me; the insertion of which is, I
believe, the best reply I can make to it.
SIR,
I was bred a merchant; by my success in trade I am
now in affluent circumstances, and I have reason to think
that I am so with an unblemished character.
Some years ago I married the daughter of a respectable
citizen, who brought a comfortable addition to my fortune ;
and, as she had been virtuously educated, and seemed
cheerful and good tempered—as I was myself naturally of a
domestic turn, and resolved to make a good husband—I
thought we bade fair for being happy in each other.
But though I must do my spouse the justice to say, that
she is discreet and prudent, attentive to the affairs of her
family, a careful and fond mother to her children, and, in
many respects, an affectionate and dutiful wife; yet one
foible in her temper destroys the effect of all these good
qualities. She is so much attached to her own opinions in
every-trifle, so impatient of contradiction in them, and withal
so ready to dispute mine, that if I disapprove of her taste or
sentiments, in any one particular, or seem dissatisfied when
she disapproves of my taste or sentiments, it is the certain
source of a quarrel; and, whilst we perfectly agree as to
our general plan of life, and every essential circumstance
of our domestic economy, this silly fancy, that I must eat,
dress, think, and speak, precisely as she would have me,


200 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
whilst she will not accommodate herself to me in the most
trifling of these particulars, gives me perpetual uneasiness.
So that, with almost every thing I could wish, a genteel
income, a good reputation, promising children, and a virtuous
wife, whom I sincerely esteem, I have the mortification to
find myself absolutely unhappy.
I am sure, this foible of my poor wife will appear to you,
sir, in its proper light; your making it appear so to her,
may be the means of alleviating our mutual distress; for
to tell you the truth, I believe she is almost as great a suf.
ſerer as I am. I hope you will gratify me in this desire;
by doing so, you may be of general service, and will par-
ticularly oblige
Your constant reader, and
Obedient humble servant,
NATHANIEL GOLD.
On comparing these two letters, it is evident, that, from
the want of that complacency mentioned in the beginning
of this paper, the very sensibility of temper, and strength
of affection, which, under its influence, would have made
this good couple happy, has had quite a contrary effect. .
The source of the disquiet they complain of, is nothing else
than the want of that respect for the taste, feelings, and
opinions of each other, which constitues the disposition I
have recommended above, and which, so far from being
inconsistent with a reasonable desire of reforming each
other in these particulars, is the most probable means of
*accomplishing it.
Nor is the case of Mr. and Mrs. Gold singular in this
respect. Domestic quarrels generally originate from the
want of this pliancy of disposition which people seem, very
absurdly, to suppose may be dispensed with in trifles. I
have known a man, who would have parted with half his
estate to serve a friend, to whom he would not have yielded

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 201
a hair's breadth in an argument. But the smaller virtues must
be attended to as well as the greater; the manners as well
as the duties of life. They form a sort of pocket coin,
which though it does not enter into great and important
transactions, is absolutely necessary for common and ordi-
nary intercourse. -



THE HAPPINESS RESULTING FROM KIND AND MUTUAL ATTEN-
TIONS, EXEMPLIFIED IN THE HISTORY OF HORATIO AND
EMILIA.
THE mutual complaints of Mr. and Mrs. Gold, which
have been communicated in my last paper, together with
some complaints of similar family distresses, which I have
received from other correspondents, often remind me of the
happy effects which my friends Horatio and Emilia have
experienced from an opposite temper and conduct.
Horatio, though he obtained a liberal education, lived till
the age of twenty-five almost entirely in the country. The
small fortune which he inherited from his father being about
this time increased by his succeeding to a distant relation,
he married the young and beautiful Emilia. He had be-
come warmly attached to her, not so much on account of
her beauty, as from an expression of a sweet, though lively
temper, which marked her countenance. This, when ad-
mitted to a more intimate acquaintance, in some visits which
he paid to the capital, he found to be justified by her con-
versation and manners.
Emilia’s father was addicted to pleasure and expense, and
her mother, though more accomplished, of a similar dispo-
sition. In their family she had been accustomed to a life
of more than ordinary gayety.
Though Horatio felt, in all its extent, that passion which
is not very favourable to a just estimation of character, yet
these circumstances had not escaped his notice. He failed
not to observe that Emilia had acquired a stronger attach-
ment to the pleasures of a town life, than was either right
in itself, or agreeable to that preference for domestic society,
and the quiet of a country life, which he had always felt
and which he still wished to gratify, -

DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 203.
However, instead of acquainting Emelia with his taste in
these particulars, he judged it better to let her enjoy that
style of life to which she had been accustomed, not doubt.
ing, from the natural good sense and sweetness of her dis-
position, that her own taste might be gradually corrected,
and that as his should, from time to time, fall under her ob-
servation, it might contribute to the change.
He took up, therefore, his residence in town; and though
Amelia went into company, and frequented public places
more than he could wish, yet he complied with her inclina-
tion in these instances, partook of her amusements when he
was not necessarily engaged, and, when he did so, carefully
avoided betraying that indifference or disgust which he of.
ten felt.
Whilst Horatio, however, gave way to the taste of Emilia,
he never lost the inclination, nor neglected the means of re-
forming it. - -
Amidst the gayety to which she had been accustomed,
Emilia had early formed a taste for the elegant writers of
the present age ; and the same sensibility and delicacy of
mind which led her to admire them, made her no less sensi-
ble of the beauties of a polished and refined conversation.
It was this, which had first gained the affections of Horatio;
it was to this he trusted for effecting the reformation he de-
sired. º
He was very assiduous, therefore, to cultivate and en-
courage this literary taste in Emilia. He frequently took
occasion to turn the conversation to subjects of literature,
and to dwell on the beauties, or mention the striking passa-
ges of this or that author ; and would often engage Emilia
in a fine poem, an affecting tragedy, or an interesting novel,
when, but for that circumstance, she would have been ex-
hausting her spirits at a ball, or wasting the night at cards.
Nor was he less studious in forming her taste for compa-
ny than for books. Though he had never aimed at an ex-
tensive acquaintance, Horatio enjoyed the friendship of se.




204 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
veral persons of both sexes endued with those elegant man-
ners, and that delicate and cultivated understanding, which
render conversation at once agreeable and instructive.
Of these friends he frequently formed parties at his house.
Emilia, who had the same disposition to oblige, which she
had on all occasions experienced from him, was happy to
indulge his inclinations in this particular; and as she was
well qualified for bearing a part in their conversation, which
had charms of which her mind was highly sensible, these
parties gradually became more and more agreeable to her.
In this manner her books, the conversation of select com-
panies, and the care of her children, which soon became a
most endearing office to her tender and feeling heart, fur.
nished her with a variety of domestic occupations. As
these gradually led her to go less into mixed company and
public amusements, she began to lose her habitual relish for
them. As she easily observed how agreeable this change
was to the taste of Horatio, that circumstance gave her mind
more and more a domestic turn.
The same delicacy, from which he at first gave way to
her taste for company and public amusements, made him
avoid showing that preference, which he entertained for a
country life.
For some time he was entirely silent on the subject.
Though he now and then made excursions to the country,
yet it was only occasionally upon necessary business. Emilia
could not but observe, that the manner in which he passed
his time there, in adding to the beauties of his place, and in
an easy intercourse with a few neighbours, was highly
agreeable to him. Yet he never expressed an inclination
of fixing his general residence in the country, or even of
her accompanying him in his occasional visit at Rosedale.
His visits became, however, gradually more frequent; and
as they generally continued for some weeks, those little ab-
sences gave a sort of pain to Emilia, to whom no society
was now so agreeable as that of Horatio. She became,
therefore, desirous of accompanying him to the country.




DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 205
Their first visits were short ,and at considerable intervals;
but as he emitted no means of rendering them agreeable to
her, she seldom left it without regret, and was often the first
to propose their return. At length Emilia, who now ob-
served that her husband was no where so happy as in the
country, and had herself come to feel the same predilection
for the calm cheerfulness and innocent amusements of a
country life, took occasion to acquaint him with this change
in her sentiments, and to express the same inclination which,
she was persuaded, he entertained, of abandoning a town
life, and fixing their constant residence at Rosedale.
A proposal so agreeable to him was readily complied
with ; and they have ever since passed their time in that de-
lightful retreat, occupied with the education of their chil-
dren, the improvement of their place, and the Society of a
few friends; equally happy in themselves, and beloved by
all around them. Thus has Horatio, the gentleness of whose
mind is equal to the strength of his understanding, by a pru-
dent as well as delicate complacency, gradually effected that
change, which an opposite conduct might have failed to pro-
duce, and which at the same time would probably have been
the source of mutual chagrin, and rendered both him and
his wife unhappy." º
Nor was the reformation solely on her part. By leading
him to partake in company and amusements, she became
the mean of correcting the natural reserve of his manner :
and as the example of his plain though animated conversa-
tion led her to moderate the vivacity and sprightliness of
hers, which sometimes approached towards levity; so her
vivacity communicated an agreeable gayety and cheerful-
ness to the discourse of Horatio.
If, in the above account, I have pointed out more strongly
the effects of complacency in Horatio than in Emilia, it
ought to be remembered, that this virtue is much more rarely
seen in the one sex than in the other. A certain pride,
which always requires much discipline, and often the rod of
18
-
206 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
disappointment and adversity, to subdue, attends the firmness
of men, and makes it generally much more difficult for them
to acquire this complacency of temper.
If men truly possess that superiority of understanding
over women, which some of them seem to suppose, surely
this use of it is equally ungenerous and imprudent. They
would, I imagine, show that superiority much more effectually,
in endeavouring to imitate the amiable gentleness of the fe-
male character, and to acquire from a sense of its propriety,
a virtue, for which it must be allowed that the other sex is
more indebted to their original constitution.
If women, as we sometimes allege, are too apt to connec
the idea of pride, and hardness of manners, with that of
knowledge and ability, and, on that account, often show a
preference to more superficial accomplishments; the men
who value themselves for knowledge and abilities, ought to
look into their own conduct for the cause. Imitating, then,
the behaviour of Horatio, they should aim to show that a
man's feelings need not be the less delicate for being under
the direction of a sound judgment; and that he who best
knows the female character, and will put the highest value.
on its excellence, is also the most likely to make allowance
for a difference of taste, and to bear with those little weak-
messes, with which he knows all human excellence to be of:
ten accompanied.
I

CLEORA AND AURELIA CONTRASTED.
IT has been observed, that the world is generally just in
the opinions which it forms of the characters of the different
persons who appear on the stage of life; that few have
been held high in the estimation of the public who have not
deserved it ; and that instances as rarely occur of its cen.
sure misapplied, as of its applause misplaced. But though
this remark, it must be allowed, is true in the general, yet
experience teaches that it cannot be admitted without ex-
ceptions; and that the truly virtuous and deserving, particu-
larly in the private walks of life, may often pass unnoticed,
whilst the less worthy may become the objects of favour.
Cleora was married at an early period of life. Gayly
educated, and thoughtless in disposition, she was incapable
of any strong attachment. She married Lothario, because
he was a man of the ton, dressed well, kept good company,
and professed himself her humble admirer. He married
her, because she was reckoned pretty, danced well, was a
toast, and was as much in the fashion as he was. As they
went together without affection, so neither of them allowed
their love to be troublesome to the other. Pleasure, dissi-
pation, show, was the taste of both. Lothario was some- º
times at home, and in his wife's company; but then it was
only in a crowd, and amidst a variety of guests. Abroad
they sometimes met at dinner and Supper parties; but as
frequently their parties were not the same, and their amuse-
ments lay in different quarters.
Such a life of dissipation could not be supported without .
great expense. Though Lothario was possessed of a con-
siderable land estate, yet when he succeeded to it, it was

208 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
much encumbered with debt; and that debt was now greatly
increased by his own extravagance. Every year made a
new bond or mortgage necessary.
Cleora knew all this; but she allowed it not to make any
impression on her mind. It was too serious a subject to be
suffered to intrude itself in the midst of her enjoyments.
The mother of a numerous family, she is equally inattentive
with Lothario, to giving them proper habits and impressions.
The boys, neglecting every useful branch of study, by a
strange combination are both beaux and blackguards. At
public places they are reckoned fashionable, whilst, at the
same time, in their private amusements, they value them-
selves on their coarseness and intemperance. The daugh-
ters are now come to the age of women; but Cleora has no
other object as to them, than to increase their fondness for
public places and late hours: devoted to these herself, she
makes her daughters the pretext for her own indulgences.
Thus Cleora, if she were to think, if she were to stop her
course of dissipation for a moment, would see bankruptcy at
hand, and her children, if not herself and husband, reduced
to want; her children brought up without education, and
initiated in nothing but the ways of idleness and folly. With
all this, Cleora retains a good character in the world: her
cheerfulness, her gayety, make her a favourite wherever
she goes, “’Tis a pity,” it is sometimes said, “that her
husband was not more attentive to her and her children;
but it is not her fault. She is indeed to be commended for
submitting with so much ease to her fate ; one would never
discover that she was married to Lothario.” Such is the
1 character which Cleora bears; and if any one ex-
presses a hint to the contrary, it is considered as the remark
of a person willing to be censorious.
How shall I contrast with Cleora the conduct of Aurelia Ž
She also married young, before she had learned to feel and
judge for herself, and at a time when she was entirely given
up to the direction and disposal of her parents. It has un-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 209
fortunately been the fate of some of the best of women, to
become the wives of men in many respects their inferiors,
both in understanding and in character. Amidst the chances
of life, the intricacies of situation, or from the deception of
minds whose very virtues betray their caution, this will
sometimes happen.
Cleanthes, the husband of Aurelia, is of a character very
similar to that of Cleora's husband, Lothario, and on many
accounts an unfortunate match for Aurelia. But Cleanthes
being reputed to be a man of fortune, possessing a good
address, and believed to be possessed of good nature, it was
the fate of Aurelia to be joined to him for life. Those ha-
bits of thoughtlessness and extravagance, however, which
Cleanthes had acquired before marriage, never forsook him;
he even became indifferent and negligent of Aurelia, and a
fine family of children which she brought him. Intemperate
in his pleasures, and inordinate in his expense, he plunged
headlong into every fashionable folly, into every species of
dissipation. Aurelia felt much anguish at this conduct of
her husband. She endeavoured, by every gentle method
in her power, to reclaim him, and to gain his mind to virtue
and domestic enjoyment. All her efforts proved ineffectual.
Cleanthes was not yet, however, so lost as not to feel, at
times, the reproaches of his conscience; but, instead of aim-
ing to remove, he tried to avoid them. In this situation,
Aurelia was like another conscience: the reflection on her
quiet and gentle virtues was like a mirror that did but show
him his own ugliness; and, frightened at the sight, he only
thought how to escape it. Thus abandoned by himself,
thus having forsaken Aurelia, and every better feeling, he
has gone more and more headlong into vice—intemperance
has become his companion, and expense much beyond his
income has attended it. º
What a situation for Aurelia . With a mind fitted for
every domestic enjoyment, she sees her husband a prey to
folly and extravagance, ruining his fortune, and dead to
-




1.8%
210 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
every proper sentiment. One only comfort remains—the
pleasure she receives from her children. Her only son,
who promises to be all a parent could wish, has been placed
at a distant academy ; and a rich uncle, who has no chil-
dren of his own, has adopted him as his son. Her three
daughters live with herself, and her great object is, to edu-
cate and instruct them ; and in this she is well rewarded,
by the appearance of their promising virtues, and the dis-
play of their opening talents.
With all these amiable parts of Aurelia's conduct, jus-
tice is not done her in the opinion of the world. Her vir-
tues are unknown, or pass unnoticed. It is frequently said,
that “Cleanthes is a good fellow—pity he had not a wife
of a less grave disposition, more suited to his taste. If he
had, he might have been less expensive, and his pleasures been
more fixed at home.” It was but the other evening, that,
making a course of visits, I called at a house, where I found
Cleora engaged in deep play, and her eldest daughter sitting
by her, attending to the game. At that moment Lothario
happened to come into the room. He drew a chair near
some ladies at another table, and gave a nod of indifference
to his daughter. “La sir,” said Miss, “we did not look
for you; we thought you were at Mr. .” Her mother
gave one look behind; asked her partner if she had not
held the king; and then desired her to set up two by hon-
ours and the odd trick.
The same evening I called at the house of Cleanthes.
Him I found abroad, but Aurelia was at home, I was
shown into the room where she was, seated with her three
girls around her. On the table lay several books, among
which were the Spectator, the Man of Feeling, and the
Theatre of Education. She herself was busy with her
needle; and her two youngest girls were occupied in the
same manner, under her direction. The eldest was em-
ployed in reading. When I entered the room, one of the
girls took me by the hand, and kindly welcomed me. “I

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 211
thought, however,” said she, with a most expressive look,
“it had been papa; my mamma expected him.” A tear
started in Aurelia's eye. She soon, however, resumed her
cheerfulness; and I remained for a considerable time in
this domestic party, receiving a pleasure, which I cannot
describe, in the conversation of Aurelia, the amiableness
and propriety of her conduct, her behaviour to her children,
and theirs to her.
When I came home, I could not help reflecting on the
different characters of Aurelia and Cleora, placed in situa-
tions not dissimilar; one drawing from her very want of
feeling and of duty, the suffrage of the world ! the other
from the very exercise of the most disinterested virtue, suf-
fering its neglect, and incurring its censure ' Yet with all
her afflictions and all her sorrows, who would not rather
wish to be the suffering and virtuous Aurelia, than the gay
and thoughtless Cleora! The one may enjoy the dissipa-
tion of the World, and the good liking of its votaries; but
the other must possess that approbation from her own mind,
which infinitely surpasses all the external enjoyments which
the world is able to bestow,

A CAUTION ADDRESSED TO MARRIED PERSONs, As UNITED BY
THE BRITTLE TIE OF HUMAN LIFE ; FROM THE CONFESSIONS
OF LUCILIUS,
-
Bonus est fugiendi aspicere alieno in malo. PUB, Syk.
It is a good thing to learn caution by
The misfortunes of others.
SIR, -
IN the perusal of history, or of the more limited pictures
which biography presents to us, there is no reader who
does not take a warm interest in every thing that regards a
truly deserving character; who does not feel a sensible
pleasure in those instances where the benevolent purposes
of such a person have been attended with success, or his
virtuous actions followed by reward. This approbation
paid to virtue is a tribute of the heart, which is given with
ease, which is bestowed even with pleasure. But in life
itself, it is unhappily found, that virtue has not the same
concomitant approbation.
This contrast of opinions is never so perceptible, as when,
on the death of a person who was well known to us, we
compare the idea we formed of his character when alive
with that which we now entertain of him. His excellencies
and defects are now more impartially estimated. On the
former, the memory dwells with peculiar satisfaction, and
indulges a melancholy pleasure in bestowing its tribute of
approbation. On the latter we kindly throw the veil of
charitable alleviation : we reſlect on our own imbecility;
we find apologies for another in the weakness of our own
nature, and impute the errorof the individual to the imper-
fection of the species. º
But above all, should it happen that the person thus
removed by death was one who had approved himself our

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 213
friend, and whose kind affections we had repeatedly expe-
rienced ; the difference we now perceive in our estimate of
such a character is apt to strike the mind with the most for-
cible conviction of our own unworthiness. Memory is in-
dustrious to torment us with numberless instances of merit
we have overlooked, of kindness we have not returned, of
services repaid with cold neglect. The injury we have done
is aggravated by the reflection, that it cannot be repaired;
for he whose life was perhaps imbittered by our ingratitude,
is now insensible to our contrition. -
Ah, sir! the man who now writes to you bears witness him.
self to the misery of that feeling which he describes. He
who now addresses you was once blessed with the affection
of the best, the most amiable of women. When I married
my Maria, engaged to her by that esteem, which an ac-
quaintance almost from infancy had produced, I knew not
half her worth. The situation in which she was now placed,
brought to my view many points of excellence, which be-
fore were undiscovered. Must I own, to my shame, that the
possession of this treasure diminished its value 1 Fool that
I was I knew not my own happiness till I had for ever
lost it. Six years were the short period of our union. Would
to Heaven that term were yet to live again ' I loved Maria.
Severely as I am now disposed to review my past conduct, I
cannot reproach myself with a failure in affection. But what
human being could have been insensible to loveliness, to
worth, to tenderness like hers | Poor was that affection, which
often preferred the most trivial selfish gratification to her
wishes or requests; and of small value was that regard,
which a sudden gust of passion could at times entirely obli-
terate. ** º
It was my character, sir, as that of many, to See the path
of duty and propriety, but to have the weakness to be for
ever deviating from it. Educated in a respectable sphere
of life, but possessing a narrow income, which with strict
economy was barely sufficient to maintain with decency that
--


214 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
station which we occupied, it was the care of my Maria to
superintend herself the minutest article of our domestic con-
cerns, and thus to retrench a variety of the ordinary expen-
ses of a family, from her own perfect skill in every useful
accomplishment of her sex. Though fond of society, and
formed to shine in it; though not insensible to admiration;
(and what woman with her graces of person could have been
insensible to it?), though possessing the becoming pride of
appearing among her equals with equal advantages of dress
and ornament; she sparingly indulged in gratifications, which
ill accorded with our limited fortune. She weighed with ad-
mirable discretion the greater against the less duties of life,
and made no scruple to sacrifice the one, when they inter-
fered ever so little with the performances of the other.
Shall I own, that to me, thoughtless, extravagant, and
vain, the conduct of this excellent woman appeared oftener
to merit blame than approbation ? Regardless of consequen-
ces, and careless of the future whilst I enjoyed the present,
I censured that moderation which was a continual reproach
to my own profuseness. Incapable of imitating her exam-
ple, I denied that it was meritorious; and what in her was
real magnanimity, I with equal weakness and ingratitude,
attributed to poorness of spirit. How shall I describe to
you, sir, her mild and gentle demeanour, the patience with
which she bore the most unmerited reproofs, the tender soli-
citude and endearing efforts which she used, to wean me
from those ruinous indulgences, to which vanity or appetite
was continually prompting me ! Too often were these ef.
forts repaid by me with splenetic indifference, or checked at
once by sarcasm or by anger.
It is but a poor alleviation of the anguish I feel from these
reflections, to remember, that, even whilst my Maria lived,
the esteem which I sincerely felt for her virtues, the affection
which I really bore her, and the sense I had of her tender-
ness, wrung my heart at times with the deepest remorse,
and prompted me to atone for my injustice by the warmest
--

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 215
expressions of kindness and regard. Many a time, sir, in
those tranquil moments when no wayward inclination or
peevish humour overpowered my better feelings, have I firmly
resolved, that my future conduct should make ample repara-
tion for the offences of the past. Nor were these resolutions
altogether fruitless; for whilst under the influence of this
salutary conviction of my errors, I have so far amended
them as to feel for a time a genuine relish for calm and do-
mestic happiness. But how short the dawning of amendment'
A new temptation presented itself, and my weak resolution
yielded to the force of returning passion. With my former
errors I resumed the despicable pride of justifying them, and
every deviation from duty was aggravated by harshness and
ill humour.
Ever offending, and ever purposing to atone for my of.
fences, I have now irretrievably lost the opportunity. The
best of women is now no more. I have received her latest
breath, and heard her last supplication, which was a prayer
to Heaven to pourits blessings on the most unworthy of men.
Here let me end this letter.—No words can express the
feelings which these reflections convey to the breast of
LUCILIUs.

ON ECONOMICS AS A SCIENCE.
tº-
THAT logic, ethics, physics, and metaphysics, should be
exalted to the dignity of arts or Sciences, excites no sur-
prise; but that the art of managing a house and family
should be placed on a level with them, appears rather won-
derful. Yet it is certain that economics were taught as a
scholastic science by the ancient philosophers; and there
still remains a very curious book, in which Xenophon has
recorded the doctrines of Socrates on the subject of econo-
my. At first sight one is apt to imagine, that philosophy
has departed from her province, when she enters on domes-
tic management; and that it would be ridiculous to send a
housekeeper to Socrates for the improvement of good house-
wifery; yet it must be confessed, that there is in the work
of Xenophon nothing of impertinence, but a great deal of
good sense most elegantly expressed.
Notwithstanding the air of superiority which is assumed
by logic, physics, and metaphysics, yet, considering the in-
fluence on human' happiness, the greatest value should be
placed on economics; for the others, as they are treated in
the schools, are little more than speculations and have but a
very limited influence on the regulation or enjoyment of life.
But the true pater familias, or master of a family, is one of
the most respectable characters in society; and the science
which directs his conduct, or reforms his mistakes, is entitled
to peculiar esteem.
Much of the misery which prevails in the world, is justly
to be imputed to the want of economy. But the word eco-
nomy is usually misunderstood. It is confined in its mean-
ing to parsimony, though it undoubtedly comprehends

DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 217
every thing which relates to the conduct of a family. Fru-
gality is indeed a very considerable part of it; but not the
whole. It is the judicious government of a little communi-
ty inhabiting one house, and usually allied by all the soft
bands of affinity and consanguinity. The person who exe-
cutes such a government, should be eminently furnished
with prudence and benevolence.
The rage for fashionable levities, which has pervaded
even the lower ranks, is singularly adverse to the know-
ledge and the virtues which domestic life demands. Dress
occupies the greater part both of the time and attention of
many; and the consequence is, too often, ruin in polite
life, bankruptcy in the commercial, and misery and disgrace
to all.
It might be attended with great advantage to the com-
munity, and to the happiness of particular persons, if some
part of the time and attention bestowed on the ornamental
parts of education, were transferred to those arts, which
teach the prudent management of domestic concerns. The
care of children in the age of infancy requires conside-
rable skill as well as tenderness; and how should she know
how to enter upon it, whose whole time has been spent in
learning the polite accomplishments, which, though they add
much to gracefulness, make no pretensions to utility ? She
must be guided entirely by servants, nurses, and medical
practitioners; but surely it would be safer and pleasanter to
possess such a skill, as should prevent her from lying entire-
ly at the mercy of ignorance, vanity, officiousness, and
presumption.
As to music, which some ladies spend so much time in
learning, it is well known that they seldom practise it when
they have entered into the married state. Many other fe-
minine accomplishments there are, which cease to attract
attention, when once their possessors are engaged in the
care of a family. It is therefore probable, that the time
consumed in the acquisition of things which are confessedly



19
218 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS Portray E15.
of no use to them, might be employed in acquiring such
knowledge as would enable them to contribute greatly to
the happiness of the man to whom they should give their
hands and hearts, and of the children which might be the
pledges of their conjugal love.
I by no means refer them to Xenophon or Socrates for
instruction in domestic management. Their own parents
should communicate the result of their experience and ob-
servation on the subject. Above all, they should inspire
them with a love of home, and the pleasures and virtues of
an affectionate family association. Some men, who appear
to be not insensible to female charms, alledge in excuse for
their not soliciting some lady in marriage, that such are the
expensive manners, dress, and amusements of the fashionable
part of the sex, so little their skill in conducting a family,
and such their ignorance of economy, that to be married is
often to be ruined even in the midst of affluence. Few are
willing to incur the danger of dissipating their fortunes in
supporting a woman, who can contribute nothing to the alle-
viation of their cares by domestic prudence and discreet
economy. º
In every view it appears most clearly, that nothing would
contribute more to the happiness of females, and indeed of
men and families in general, than a cultivation of that un-
ostentatious knowledge, which is in hourly request, and
without which there can be little permanent security in the
most exalted rank, and most abundant affluence. Socrates
Judged wisely; therefore, in ranking economics among the
most useful and honourable of the arts and sciences.

A LETTER TO A VERY GOOD-NATURED LADY, WHO WAS
MARRIED TO A VERY ILL-NATURED MAN.
- -
--

—In the marriage state the world must own, -
Divided happiness was never known. CIBBER.

I HAVE now and then observed, my dearest cousin,
(through all your cares and endeavours to conceal it,) that
there are some few rufflings that happen between you and
your husband; and which, I fear, must make some moments
pass with more uneasiness to you, than a woman of so much
goodness deserves. The friendship that has subsisted so
long between our families, and the great affection I have for
you, makes this give me more pain than it may perhaps
give even to yourself; for I know the steadiness of your
mind, and the prudence you have in alleviating every thing
that would disturb a less settled temper; and make some
wives fly out into violences, that would render them ridiculous
as well as wretched. But as an indifferent stander-by may
see more than the best gamester, when engaged deep in a
difficult party, I shall venture to give you some of my sen-
timents, in hopes that they may still more awaken your own,
or at least be improved by your reflections upon them.
It were to be wished, that all married people would lay
this down for their first and great principle ; that they can
never be happy in themselves, unless they are well with
their partners. Their eonnexions, views, and interests are
naturally so suited, that the one cannot be happy, if the
a
220 DOMEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
other is miserable. In so strict a union, if you are not well
with one another, what can you do to avoid being miserable?
You must either be perpetually hunting after reasons to fly
from your own house, or else you must sit jarring together,
like a couple of bad instruments that are almost always out
of tune.
The most necessary thing then for a married woman, to
to make herself happy, is, to endeavour to please her hus-
band; and one comfort is, that the very endeavouring to
please, goes a great way towards obtaining its end. Com-
placency as naturally begets kindness, as a disobliging be.
haviour does aversion.
'Tis not enough to avoid doing or saying any thing that
you know would be disagreeable to your husband; but one
should be inclined to do or say every thing that is likely to
be agreeable to him. A woman that thoroughly considers
this, and puts it in practice, can scarcely ever fail of making
both her husband and herself happy.
One considerable help and advantage that you have to-
wards this, is the being so thoroughly acquainted with one
another's tempers and inclinations. There is a good deal
of opportunity for this (if your match was not huddled up
with that haste which some people are in, for settling the
most important step in their whole lives) during the time of
courtship ; and usually much more after : these two lights
are so very different, that between them you may see into
the whole character of a man, how far he is ready to submit,
and how far to domineer. With a proper observation, you
may come in time to discover every bent of his temper, and
to open all the more hidden folds of his heart. Now, when
one is well aware of every thing that may displease, it is
easy to avoid it; and when one knows what is pleasing,
scarcely anything can be wanting but the will to please.
I would particularly desire you to look on nothing that
may displease, as a trifle. However unimportant the thing


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI), 221.
may be in itself, the displeasing and disagreeing is a serious
evil; and married people differ much oftener about trifles
than about things of weight. Let either husbands or wives
recollect a little, and I fear they will find what I say to be
more true than they might at first imagine it to have been.
The best way for a married woman to carry her point
often, is to yield sometimes. Yielding in a married woman,
is as useful as flying is to an unmarried one ; for both of
these methods most naturally obtain what they seem to avoid.
And if a woman has any vanity, (as every human creature
has more or less of it in their composition,) I think that
passion might be gratified this way, as well as any other ;
for to get the better of one’s self is, at least, as glorious as
to get the better of any other person whatever ; and you
would, besides, have the inward satisfaction of considering,
that, in all such cases, you do not yield out of cowardice,
but prudence; and that you enjoyed the superiority of
knowing what you ought to do, much better than the obsti-
nate man, who seems outwardly to have carried his point,
when in reality you have carried yours.
I do not mean by this, to set you on a life of artifice and
dissimulation. I rather think that such methods as these,
and such a scheme of pleasing, would in time grow pleasing
to yourself; and that it would be the most likely of any,
either to introduce or increase a real mutual love and good
will between you and your husband. But how, my dear
cousin, have I thus forgotten myself, for a page or two to:
gether and whilst I am writing to you, have really written
a letter for the world. For you, I dare say, have no occa-
sion for my rules; and have thought over every thing that
I have said long before I set pen to paper. You will, how-
ever, forgive one who wishes you as well as he does him.
self; and who would most extremely rejoice to see that
serenity of mind, which all the world thinks to be in you,
19*

222 DOMESTIC. HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and all those virtues and excellencies which I know to be
in you, unruffled by any disturbances, and cleared even
from every little cloud that may hang over them. I need
not tell you how much and how truly I am
Your affectionate kinsman
and humble servant.


ON MATRIMONIAL QUARRELS.
-
Felices ter, et amplius
Quos irrupta, tenet copula ; mec malis
Divulsus querimoniis,
Suprema citius solvet amor die.
Hor. Ode 13, lib.i.
Happy, thrice happy they, whose friendships prove
One constant scene of unmolested love; -
Whose hearts right-tempered, feel no various turns,
No coolness chills them and no madness burns;
But, free from anger, doubts, and jealous fear,
Die as they live, united and sincere. ORRERY.
FAMILY divisions frequently spring from very immaterial
accidents, which gather strength by repetition, till they are
augmented in so formidable a manner, as to sweep before
them all the domestic virtues, and abolish all the amiable
tenderness, for which woman was originally intended by
the Divine Creator I have been a frequent inspector of such
scenes of infelicity. Where I was in most expectation of
finding the celestial seeds of connubial happiness flourishing
in exquisite beauty, there have I been the most disappointed.
Instead of beholding a paradise, I have found nothing but a
garden of noxious weeds; which occasions me the following
observations: for these may be useful to society, as, by
holding up the mirror of inadvertency, they may affright
her with her own deformity. -
Lorenzo and Violetta have been married upwards of three
years: they were equally matched, both in respect of for.
itune and age; for one being sufficient for the purchase, and
the other for the enjoyment of the pleasures of life. For
-

224 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
some time after the celebration of their nuptials, they en-
tertained a reciprocal affection. She was all fondness, he
all indulgence. But their intimacy, instead of increasing,
diminished their mutual regard. Her beauty, the more it
was familiar to his eye, grew the less attractive to his heart;
and his conversation grew less engaging, the more she par-
took of the natural levity of her sex. He renewed his
Bachanalian acquaintance, she found more pleasure in dis-
charging her visits than her domestic offices: in fine, both
became disintentionally indifferent; their meals were irre-
gular, their conversation little; till at last, their affection
seemed to be dwindled away to nothing but a ceremonious
complaisance. -
Nature was soon more predominant than the ties of gen-
tility or the rules of decency. Their tempers were perpe-
tually bursting from the formality of reserve : trivial acci-
dents gave alternate uneasiness to one or the other; which
were productive of such disputes as often terminated in a
shyness for two or three days together. Though they were
both so far estranged from the lambent flame of love, yet
their disagreement frequently exhibited a conviction of their
honesty, by a reconciliation which just served to blow up
the dormant embers of affection; though still they were
continually manifesting the difference of their tempers.
They were both hastily passionate; he was sometimes ill-
natured, whilst she was too apt to conceive what he never
intended. They were both sensible of their folly, yet they
still persisted in their obstinacy ; if he spoke warm, she red.
dened with the glow of anger; if he was desirous of tran-
quillity, she grew turbulent. The vanity of pedigree and
the ostentation of fortune were often bandied backwards and
forwards; this ushered in indecency from him, and left her
abandoned to a misguided passion. º
Reiterated quarrels aggravated their imprudence: he
frequently swore, she railed, and blows ensued. She felt
the effects of his violence, he bore the marks of her fury.


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 225
When their passion abated, she sat pensively venting the
gushing sorrows from her eyes; he grew mollified, and af.
ter innumerable caresses, recomposed her agitated spirits.
The quarrel renewed their tenderness; they gently upbraid-
ed themselves, confessed their folly, resolved to oppose the
excursions of passion, and for some time lived with all the ap-
pearance of durable felicity. But when passion has once got
the head, reason vainly attempts to guide the rein. Though
Lorenzo and Violetta, on the repetition of every quarrel,
became sensible of their smothered affection, yet they ne-
ver endeavoured to light up the extinguishing lamp of Hy-
men. They continued their intemperate Sallies, and were
at last so habituated to such an ignominious custom, as to
give an unbounded loose to their passion before company,
till they are now become the derision of all their acquain-
tance. -
. As I have a regard for Lorenzo, I have taken an oppor-
tunity of expatiating with him upon his scandalous indiscre-
tion; he acknowledges his imprudence, professes the strong.
est affection for his wife, and solemnly avows his fidelity to
the nuptial bed. Violetta is also sensible of her erroneous
behaviour, esteems her husband, and wears the throne of
chastity on her brow. They are equally conscious of their
fault, are equally sorry for it, and seem equally desirous of
correcting it ; but they are so absolutely devoted to the
storms of passion, as to be equally incapable of executing
those salutary resolutions, which they are thoroughly sensi-
ble can alone give pleasure to the bridal bed, happiness to
the prime of life, and comfort to the declension of age.
What a melancholy reflection is this That two persons,
once united by the silken band of love, should so disown its
empire, for the gratification of some ridiculous humour, is
most astonishing ! that two persons, who could so easily en.
joy the beatitudes of life, should so voluntarily banish them-
selves from the flowery road of happiness, is amazing! but

226 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
their conduct serves only to evince this golden maxim,
“That reason is the best gift of nature;” for without her
sacred influence, monarchs in their palaces are less happy
than peasants in their cottages.


ÓN THE Choice AND QUALITIES OF A WIFE.
———‘Tis a fault
That men, not guided be the track of reason,
But heat and wantonness of blood, run giddy
To seal such weighty covenants.
SHIRLEy's Constant Maid.
As the attainment of happiness is the grand spring of
human action, I have often been surprised at that inattention,
so apparent in the generality of mankind, to the most im-
portant concern in their lives, the choice of a wife; a choice,
on which not only their present welfare, but even their ever-
lasting felicity, may depend. Indeed, if we may judge from
the slight regard paid to an object of so much moment, we
may suppose it commonly understood to be a trivial point,
in which little or no reflection is requisite; or that fortune
and beauty were in themselves whatever was essential to
the happiness of the conjugal state. But let those, who in
the ardour of unreflecting youth, form such gay visions of
splendid enjoyments and everlasting passion, consider,
that there are requisites of a nobler kind, without which,
when it may be too late, they may find themselves involved
in irretrievable ruin. -
What melancholy histories have been recorded, where
manly virtue has been united to a fortune and to misery; .
blooming loveliness sacrificed at the shrine of avarice; or
unthinking youth, smitten by exterior charms alone, instead
of the attracting graces of modesty, sentiment, and discre-
tion, has become a voluntary victim to insipid, if not to me.
retricious beauty I would not be understood, however, as
though I apprehended, that beauty and fortune are of no es-

228 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
timation. The former, when united to piety, virtue, and
good sense, can be slighted by those only who are devoid of
any ideas of whatever is lovely and excellent in nature ;
and fortune, or at least a competence, is absolutely neces-
sary, since without it the highest degree of virtue, and the
most enchanting graces, will be insufficient to insure happi-
ness in the conjugal union :
“Let reason teach what passion ſain would hide,
That Hymen's bands by prudence should be tied.
Venus in vain the wedded pair would crown,
If angry fortune on their union frown:
Soon will the flatt’ring dream of bliss be o'er,
And cloy'd imagination cheat no more;
Then waking to the sense of lasting pain,
With mutual tears the nuptial couch they stain;
And that fond love which should afford relief,
Does but increase the anguish of their grief;
Whilst both could easier their own sorrows bear,
Than the sad knowledge of each other's care.”
Lytti, Eton.
Certainly no prudent person ought to engage in the mar-
ried state without a sufficiency of means for a comfortable
subsistence. That lover cannot regard his mistress with
virtuous passion, who would involve her in all the possible
consequences of reciprocal poverty. True love never for-
gets the happiness of its object; for when this ceases to be
regarded, it is not the generois tenderness of love, but the
unthinking wildness of passion. -
These observations, however, cannot obviate the just
complaints which may be made against those matches in
which beauty or fortune only are regarded. “Beauty,”
says Lord Kaimes, “is a dangerous property, tending to
corrupt the mind of a wife, though it soon loses its influence
over the husband. A figure agreeable and engaging, which
inspires affection without the ebriety of love, is a much sa-
fer choice. The graces lose not their influence like beauty.
At the end of thirty years, a virtuous woman, who makes

p0MIESTIC IIAPPINESS PORTRAYED. - 229
an agreeable companion, charms her husband perhaps more
than at first. The comparison of love to fire holds good
in one respect, that the fiercer it burns, the sooner it is ex-
tinguished.”
It is unquestionably true, that happiness in the married
state depends not on riches, nor on beauty, but on virtue,
good sense, and sweetness of temper. A young man who
has himself a sufficient fortune, should not always look for
an equivalent of that kind in the object of his love. “Who
can find a virtuous woman,” says Solomon, “for her price
is far above rubies 7" The important object of his inquiry
is, not whether she has riches, but whether she pos-
sesses those qualifications, which naturally form the
amiable wife and the exemplary mother In like man-
ner, would a parent conduct his daughter to a wise
and judicious choice of a husband ; he will not so much
recommend the necessity of a fortune, as a virtuous con-
duct, good temper, discretion, regularity and industry. With
these, a husband, if he be of a reputable profession, may
improve the fortune of his wife, and render it of much greater
advantage to each other, than the most ample equivalent in
money, with the reverse of these qualities. - -
On the contrary, where interest pervades the bosom, and
is the sole motive to union, what can more naturally be ex-
pected than unhappy matches 4 Without a cºntain conge-
niality of sentiment, independent of the adventitious circum
stances of beauty or fortune, the connubial state is the very
opposite of a heaven. Home becomes disagreeable, where
there is a diversity of taste, temper, and wishes; or where
those mental resources are wanting which invite to conver-
sation, and render it delightful and endearing. The scenes
of wretchedness inseparable from such a state, must be ob-
vious to every mind. -
We turn with pleasure to the exquisite happiness, which
is the result of a virtuous choice. Home is then delightful,
and every moment is replete with satisfaction. -

20
230 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED.
But without dwelling longer on this charming theme, per-
mit me to ask, who would sacrifice the enjoyment of such
felicity, for wealth? What weakness of mind does it be-
tray, to forfeit “the matchless joys of virtuous love,” for the
ideal pleasure of affluence' -




\
conjugal. LOVE : A MORAL STORY.

OF all the pleasures that endear human life, there are
mone more worthy the attention of a rational creature than
those that flow from the mutual return of conjugal love.
Our great poet, MILTON, after he has described the nuptial
bower of Adam and Eve in Paradise, thus calls upon that
blissful state :

Hail, wedded love! mysterious law, true source
Of human offspring, sole propriety
In Paradise, of all things common else.
By thee adulterous lust was driven from men
Among the bestial herds to range: by thee
(Founded in reason, loyal, just, and pure)
Relations dear, and all the charities -
Of father, son, and brother first were known.
—Perpetual fountain of domestic bliss'
Here love his golden shafts employs; here lights
His constant lamp, and waves his purple wings.
- - - -

In this scene the looser passions of youth are consolidated
into a settled affection: for the lawful object of love unites
every care in itself, and makes even those thoughts that
were painful before, become delightful. When two minds
are thus engaged by the ties of reciprocal sincerity, each
alternately receives and communicates a transport that is
inconceivable to all but those that are in this situation :
from hence arises that heart-ennobling solicitude for one
another's welfare, that tender sympathy that alleviates
affliction, and that participated pleasure which heightens
prosperity and joy itself. This is a full completion of the
blessings of humanity for if reason and society are the
characteristics which distinguish us from other animals, an
excellence in these two great privileges of man, which
232 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
centres in wedlock, must raise us in happiness above the
rest of our species. It is here that the noblest passions of
which the human soul is susceptible join together, virtuous
love and friendship; the one supplying it with a constant
rapture, and the other regulating it by the rules of reason.
I would not be understood to be speaking here of those un-
natural and disproportionable matches that are daily made
upon worldly views, where interest or lust are the only
motives: I mean that such only enjoy the blessing, who are
conducted by HYMEN through his own realms of innocence
and sincerity.
A gentleman, who is very happy in a beautiful friend,
and is a kind of enthusiast for the married state, told me
the following story of an Italian pair, who were famous for
their unalterable constancy and affection. There lived at
Genoa a young nobleman named MARINI, who had a large
estate in the island of Corsica, whither he went overy five
or six years to regulate his affairs. At the age of five and
twenty he was married to a beautiful-lady, the daughter of
a Venetian senator, named MoMIMIA, who had refused the
greatest matches in Italy, to prefer the fortunate Marini.
As their marriage was founded upon a mutual esteem, their
passion increased instead of diminishing by enjoyment, till
they became an example of conjugal duty to all who knew
them. They had lived many years in this uninterrupted
state of felicity, when Marini was obliged to make a voyage
to Corsica, which was then disturbed by a rebellious insur.
rection, in order to secure his patrimony, by encouraging .
his dependents to stand firm in the defence of their country.
But the greatest affliction, and which absorbed all the rest,
was his being necessitated to part for a while from Monimia,
who, being then in a feeble state of health, was unable to
go with him as usual. When the fatal time of separation
was come, they embraced with the utmost grief, and the
warmest prayers to Heaven for one another’s safety. As
soon as this afflicting scene was over, Marini embarked, and,



tº ESTIC HAPPINESS PO.T RAY ED. 233
having a fair wind, arrived safe at Bastia in a few hours.
The success of the rebels being stopped, and the affairs of
the island a little settled again, our lover began to prepare
for his return to Genoa; but as he was walking one day
by the harbour where the ships of burthen lay, he heard
two sailors, who were just arrived, talking of the death of a
Genoese nobleman’s wife, then absent from the republic.
This casual circumstance greatly alarmed him, and excited
his curiosity to listen farther to their conversation, when,
after a little pause, he heard one of them mention the name
of his dear Monimia. At these words his surprise and
affliction were so great, that he had not power to follow the
mariners to satisfy his doubt, but instantly swooned away,
and when he recovered, found himself surrounded by his
own servants, lamenting over him. At the same time that
this happened to Marini, something of the same nature
equally distressed Monimia; for an imperfect account came
to Genoa by the captain of a Venetian vessel, that a gentle.
man named Marini had been surprised near Bastia by a
remaining party of rebels, and that he and all his attendants
were killed by them. These two accounts involved our
unfortunate pair in the greatest distress; they immediately
took shipping in order to be convinced of what they so
much dreaded to know ; the one ſor Corsica, the other for
Genoa. They had both sailed, when a violent storm arose,
which drove their vessels upon a little island in the Medi-
terranean. Marini’s ship landed first, where, while the rest
of the crew were refreshing themselves, the inconsolable
widower, as he thought himself, wandered with one servant
only into a little wood, that was near the sea shore, to give
a loose to his immoderate grief. Soon after the Genoese
ship landed too, and the same motive led Monimia with one
of her maids to the wood where her husband was, lamenting
his unfortunate condition. They had not long been there,
before they heard each other's complaint, and drew nearer,



mutually, to see if there was any wretch living equally
20% -
234 I, (; M. ESTIC HAPPIN ESS PORTRAY Efy.
ruiserable with them:selves. But how great was the asto-
nishment of both, when they met in a little path and saw
each other! The immoderate joy was such, and the transition
from one extreme to the other so instantaneous, that all the
power they had was to fall into each other's arms, where
they expired in a few minutes after. Their bodies were
conveyed to Italy, and were interred with all the solemnity
and magnificence due to their quality and eminent virtues.

THE TEMPLE OF HYMEN : A VISION.
-
A FEw days ago I had an account of the marriage of a
friend. When occurrences of this nature make an impres-
sion upon the mind; it is insensibly betrayed into little animad-
versions upon them. This was my case in an extraordi-
nary manner: for having mused some time on this incident,
I fell into an easy slumber, when fancy reassumed the Sub-
ject, and Sallied out in the following excursion. .
Methought I was in an instant placed on the boundaries
of a spacious plain ; in the centre of which was presented to
the eye a large temple consecrated fo Hymen, the god of
marriage. At a small distance from me l observed a giddy
crowd of both sexes, who were making towards the build-
ing, in order to celebrate the ceremony of the god. There
was shuffled in among them a demon, whose form was so
peculiar, and whose sway with the multitude so universal,
that I shall give my reader a particular description of him. º
It seems the name of this fury was Lust; in the upper part
of his body he carried the likeness of a human figure, from
the middle downwards he bore the resemblance of a goat;
his eyes were turgid, sparkling and inflamed, his complex-
ion was very irregular, attended with the most sudden tran.
sitions from a sanguine red to a livid paleness, and a tremor
frequently seized every member. Close followed him Dis.
taste, with a sickly countenance and supercílious eye; and
Remorse with his hat flapped over his face, and a worm
gnawing his vitals. I was much shocked at these mon-
strous appearances, and the more so, to observe how readily
' my fellow creatures gave in to the impious suggestions of
the demon. But my surprise was somewhat abated on a
nearer approach ; for I took notice that his breath was of

236 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
such a malignant nature, that all those who rashly advanced
within its influence, were presently intoxicated and deprived
of their reason.
I was in such a consternation at this discovery, that I
hesitated for a while, whether I should enter into conversa-
tion with the blithe adventurers before mentioned. In the
midst of my suspense there came toward us a grave old
gentleman, of a steady and composed aspect, whose name
was Deliberation. He was one of the principal agents be-
longing to the temple, and so high in the god's esteem, that
Hymen was very rarely known to give his benediction at
the conclusion of the ceremony to any couple, who were
not ushered into his presence by this venerable officer.
Upon his joining the company (to the majority of which I
found he was a perfect stranger) there was expressed a
universal uneasiness and discontent; and many of them in-
dustriously avoided all conversation with him. But it was
very remarkable that all those who thus imprudently turned
their backs on this valuable monitor, in their return from
the temple, were seized by one or both of the melancholy
attendants of the fury. º
At my entrance into the building, I observed the deity
marching at a small distance towards it. The first in the
procession was Love, in the form of a Cupid, who was con-
tiſſually practising a thousand little arts and graces, to draw
upon him the smiles of the god; and by the tender regards
which Hymen cast upon the child, I found he was a very
great favourite.
The god followed next, holding in his hand a flaming
torch, which shone the brighter the longer it burned ; he
approached us, supported by Virtue, a lady of the most
engaging form that I ever beheld. She was clothed in a
white reſulgent garment, and her head was encircled with
glory.
The next attendant was Beauty, arrayed in the most
gorgeous apparel, and full of herself, even to distraction.

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRA YED. 237
She was handed along by Youth, a gay stripling, wearing
a chaplet of flowers on his head, and wings on his shoulders.
Then appeared Wealth, in the figure of an old man
meanly attired: his eyes were the eyes of a hawk, and his
fingers curved and pointed inwards, like the talons of a ra-
ven; he was noisy, impudent, and presuming.
The retinue was followed by Fancy, ever varying her
features and dress; and what was very extraordinary, me-
thought she charmed in all.
The deity, immediately after his entrance into the temple,
ascended his throne, and sat with his head gently reclined
on Virtue’s bosom. Love and Beauly took their station on
the right hand; and on the left were disposed Wealth and
Fancy. -
The god quickly proceeded to the celebration of the
nuptial rites; but there was such a confused sound of sighs
and laughter, that I could not give the attention which was
requisite, in order to present my reader with the several
circumstances that occurred : only I took notice that many
of the matches were so unequal that the god yoked them
with reluctance, and but half consented to his own institution.
After the ceremony was over, silence was proclaimed in

court, for Hymen was determined to decide a contest, which
had been of long standing, between the personages that at-
tended the altar. Upon this declaration, the whole multi-
tude divided, and according to the particular impulses of
their passions, took the party of the several competitors.
The young had ranged themselves on the right hand of the
throne, whilst others of more advanced years had posted.
themselves behind the disputants on the left. -
Love began with entering his complaint against Wealth,
setting forth that his antagonist had seduced large numbers
to his sentiments; that, as to himself, his interest very visi-
bly declined every day, to the great prejudice of that state,
in which the gods had designed him the pre-eminence.
While he was pursuing his arguments with great warmth,
º
238 DoMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED.
Poverty stepped forth from amidst the crowd, and stared the
young plaintiff full in the face, who was so frightened at his
Sorrowful countenance, that he fluttered his pinions in order
for flight: when Wealth, rising up, addressed the judge with
showing the necessity of his presence to make the married
state replete with happiness, as it was originally intended
by its institutor; together with many other arguments,
which, if they had been delivered with the same modesty as
force, could not have failed of creating a number of converts
to his side. This his speech was followed with a thunder
of applause from the company behind. Upon which incident
the old man began to triumph, and to reinforce his discourse;
when through the violence of his emotions, his garment flew
open, and betrayed to view Cares, in the form of vultures,
hanging to his breast. Hereupon Love stood up, and would
fain have re-assumed his cause. But Hymen, who well
knew that the presence of both was of the utmost importance
in the performance of his institution, and impartially weigh-
ing what was urged by each of them, put an end to the .
contention, by proposing the union of their families, which
was immediately acceded to. No sooner were their hands
joined, as the signal of their consenting to the god's proposal,
but Love immediately lighted up new smiles in his face, and
appeared infinitely more charming than before. But the
most surprising change was wrought in the old man; his
talons fell off in scales from his fingers, his eyes lost all
their former fierceness, and the harsh lineaments of his
countenance were at once softened into all the sweetness of
humanity. Love approached him, and gently stroking his
bosom, stilled the hissing of the serpents, and assuaged the
severity of his pain. This dispute being amicably adjusted,
Beauty next advanced, and, after playing over many airs
of affectation, put on a languishing look, and lisped out a
mournful accusation also against Wealth, intimating his
usurpation over her, and the like. Scarcely had she uttered

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 239;
whose hair was covered with a hoary frost, his face ploughed
with furrows, and down his cheeks distilled a scalding rheum.
When the young lady thus saw Age limping towards her,
she appeared in all the agonies of thought; the roses fell
from her cheeks, and she sunk down into a swoon. Hymen,
understanding the temper of the girl, that she was proud
and imperious, fond of government, and yet incapable of di-
recting, divested her of a large share of power, by disposing
of her frontier towns to Fancy, who now acts with unlimited
authority; nor admits any to pay their addresses to the gay
virgin, without a prior interview with herself.
The remainder of my dream being a confused number of
ideas, without order or arrangement, I shall forbear to in-
sert, in mercy to my reader.


A LETTER To A young LADY, ON HER GOING TO BE MARRIED
To A RICH OLD MAN.
---
---
--
You tell me, CLEORA, that you are like to be teazed by
your friends into a match with AvARUs, who has been
hitherto your aversion. Consider, all your happiness is at
stake upon this important point. Will you then be influ-
enced by persuasion, or the false glare of outward show, to
sacrifice all the substantial enjoyments of life? Romantic
notions of love are what you and I have disclaimed : yet
there should be a sufficient stock of the belle passion to
balance all those little anxieties which naturally arise in
that state: your good sense will never suffer your affections
to run counter to your judgment: virtue and honour, and
all the manly qualifications only will attract your heart.
Suppose Avarus divested of all his riches, would you debate
a moment whether you would accept of him for a husband 1
It is plain, then, that from his wealth you propose your
happiness; but can a gay equipage or splendid apartments
compensate the want of good sense or good nature? O
Cleora! you are not to be told, that inward peace of mind
is the true and only source of happiness: the good things
of this world may improve and extend it, but are too weak
to lay the ſoundation of it. This is supposing Avarus would
make you mistress of all his fortune; but a man of his
turn, and in the decline of life, will be afraid of furnishing
you with arms against himself.
Let us consider this affair in another light, and see whe-
ther it is not a sort of prostitution, to marry the man you
disapprove for the sake of his fortune I know you startle

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 241
at the word; but how is she, who, to support herself in
pressing want, gives up her person to the first that will pay
for it, more criminal than she, who with an easy fortune
gives herself up to the man she secretly detests, for the sake
of enjoying more than she wants' You will not find it the
least of your uneasiness to quit the diversions of life for the
company of one so disproportionate to you in age and tem-
per, who neither knows nor can relish half your merit.
Further, Avarus will carry you to his house as his pur-
chase; for he must be sensible he can have no property in
you but what he has paid for. -
Study well your man. Where there is love, the duties of
a wife are easy ; where interest is the only motive, they are
little better than slavery. The infirmities of old age in-
crease with years: tenderness, obedience, and observancy
are especially required of an old man’s wife, and frequently
attended with jealousy. -
Arm yourself then against all persuasions to a match
that has nothing to recommend it, but that in point of for-
tune it is more than you could expect. Never doubt but
you will live to be happy in a man who shall have good
sense to know your worth, generosity to reward it, and a
fortune and inclination to make you perfectly easy.
The woman who has a competency of her own, makes
but an ill compliment to herself, when she changes her con,
dition for superfluities, if she has not superior or stronger
motives. It is neither just nor honest to marry where there
can be no love. -
ł am your faithful friend,
t ESTIPHANIA.
--- º



MARRIAGE OF HYMENAEUS AND TRANQUILLA-

Candida perpetuo reside concordia lecto,
Tamgue pari, semper sit Venus acqua jugo
Diligat ipsa semem quondam, sedet insa mirito
Tum quoque cum fuerit, non videatur anus.
MART.
Their nuptial bed may smiling concord dress,
And Venus still the happy union bless'
Wrinkled with age, may mutual love and truth
To dim their eyes recall the bloom of youth.
F. LEwis.

-
WHEN you read of the marriage of your correspondents
HyMENEus and TRANQUILLA, we trust you will join your
wishes to those of their other friends, for the happy event
of a union in which caprice and selfishness had so little
part.
There is at least this reason why we should be less de-
ceived in our connubial hopes than many others who enter
into the same state, that we have allowed ourselves to form
no unreasonable expectations, nor vitiated our fancies in
the soft hours of courtship, with visions of felicity which hu-
man power cannot bestow, or of perfection which human
virtue cannot attain. That impartiality with which we al-
ways endeavoured to inspect the manners of those with
whom we have conversed, has not been so much overpow-
ered by our passion, but that we have discovered some
faults and weaknesses in each other; and joined our hands
in conviction, that as there are some advantages to be en-
joyed in marriage, there are some inconveniences likewise
to be endured, and that, together with confederate intel:
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 243
lects and auxiliar virtues, we must find different opinions
and opposite inclinations.
We did not pass the weeks of courtship like those who
consider themselves as taking the last draught of pleasure,
and therefore resolve not to quit the bowl without a sur-
feit; or who know themselves about to set happiness to
hazard, and endeavour to lose their sense of danger in the
ebriety of perpetual amusement, and whirl round the gulf
before they sink.
We rejoice in the reflection, that we have stores of novelty
yet unexhausted, which may be opened when repletion
shall call for change; and gratifications yet untasted, by
which life, when it shall become vapid or bitter, may be re-
stored to its former sweetness and sprightliness, and again
irritate the appetite, and again sparkle in the cup.
Our life will, perhaps, be less tasteless than that of those
whom the despotic authority or avarice of parents unites al-
most without their consent in their early years, when they
have accumulated no fund of reflection, nor collected any
materials for mutual entertainment. Such we have often
seen rising in the morning to cards, and retiring in the after-
noon to doze; whose happiness was celebrated by their
neighbours, because they happened to grow rich by ava-
rice, and to be kept quiet by insensibility. -
We have both mingled with the world, and are therefore
no strangers to the faults and virtues, the designs and com-
petitions, the hopes and fears, of our cotemporaries. We
have both amused our leizure with books, and can therefore
recount the events of former times, or cite the dictates of
ancient wisdom. Every occurrence furnishes us with some
hint which one or the other can improve ; and if it should
happen that both memory and imagination fail us, we can
retire to no idle or unimproving solitude. -
Though our characters, beheld at a distance, exhibit this
general resemblance, yet a nearer inspection discovers such
a dissimilitude of our habits and sentiments, as leaves each
*


244 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
some peculiar advantages, and affords that “ concordia dis.
cors,” that suitable disagreement, which is always neces.
sary to intellectual harmony. There may be a total diver.
sity of ideas which admits no participation of the same de-
light; and there may likewise be such a conformity of no-
tions, as leaves neither any thing to add to the decisions of
the other. With such contrariety there can be no peace,
with such similarity there can be no pleasure. Our rea-
sonings, though often formed upon different views, terminate
generally in the same conclusion. Our thoughts, like rivu-
lets issuing from distant springs, each impregnated in its
course with various mixtures, and tinged by infusions un-
known to the other, yet at last easily unite into one stream,
and purify themselves by the gentle effervescence of con-
trary qualities.
These benefits we receive in a greater degree as we con-
verse without reserve, because we have nothing to conceal.
We have no debts to be paid by imperceptible deductions
from our avowed expenses, no habits to be indulged by the
private connivance of a favoured servant, no private inter-
views with needy relations, no intelligence with spies placed
upon each other. We considered marriage as the most
solemn league of perpetual friendship, a state from which
artifice and concealment are to be banished for ever, and in
which every act of dissimulation is a breach of faith.
The impetuous vivacity of youth, and that ardour of de-
sire which the first sight of pleasure naturally produces, has
long ceased to hurry us into irregularity and vehemence,
and experience has shown us that gratifications are too
valuable to be sacrificed to complaisance. We have long
thought it convenient to rest from the fatigue of pleasure,
and now only continue that course of life into which we had
before entered, confirmed in our choice by mutual encour-
agement, and assisted in our efforts by mutual exhortation.
Such, sir, is our prospect of life; a prospect which, as
it is beheld with more attention, seems to open more ex-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 245
tensive happiness, and spreads by degrees into the boundless
regions of eternity. But if all our prudence has been
vain, if we are doomed to give another instance of the un-
certainty of human discernment, we shall comfort ourselves
amidst our disappointments, that we were not betrayed but
by such delusions as caution could not escape, since we
sought happiness only in the arms of virtue.
We are, sir,
Your humble servants,
HyMENAEUs,
TRANQUILLA.

MARRIAGE A BLESSING or A CURSE, As IT IS ‘wrongly on
RIGHTLY UNDERSTOOD.
Marriage, or wrong or rightly understood,
Is the worst evil or the greatest good. ANoN.
WHEN a marriage is completed that takes rise from good
sense, inclination and equality of age, dignity, and fortune,
the joy is diffused through every branch of the family.
The parents, the relations, the friends, taste the sweet effects
of the happy union, and the whole scene is a representation
of heaven as near as the state of mortality can come up to
it; but when we turn our eyes towards the other side of
matrimony, towards the black, the melancholy, and the
tempestuous part of it, the objects are too hideous to be
looked at, and the subject too dismal to be delineated.
Those who lay aside the vain desire of wealth, equipage,
and honours, and make virtue the main article in their
treaty of marriage, take the most proper methods to secure
mutual felicity, and are generally blessed with unenvied and
unprecarious joys. Too few indeed are the instances of
domestic happiness; and many persons, of fashion think
they answer all the purposes of matrimony, if they can be
well bred enough to keep conjugal discord within the cold
decencies of a malicious civility.
I am perfectly convinced that nothing hinders the constant
agreement ºf Persons in the conjugal state but vanity, a


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. - 247
secret inclination to insist upon what they think their dignity
of merit, and an inward expectation of such an over measure
of deference and regard, as answers to their extravagant
false scale, and which nobody can pay, because nobody but
themselves can tell exactly to what pitch it amounts.
It cannot be conceived by those who are involved in
libertine pursuits, the sweet satisfaction that must arise
from the union of two persons, who have left all the world,
to procure delight for each other by all the methods which
reason, urged by duty, forwarded by passion, can intimate
to the heart. Such a pair give charms to virtue, and make
pleasant the ways of innocence. A deviation from the
rules of such a commerce would be courting pain; for such
a life is as much to be preferred to any thing that can be
communicated by criminal satisfaction, to speak of it in the
mildest terms, as sobriety and elegant conversation are to
intemperance and rioting.
He is a very unhappy man who does not reserve the
most pure and kind affections of his heart for the marriage
state; he will otherwise be reduced to this melancholy cir-
cumstance, that he gave his mistress that kind of affection
which was proper for his wife, and has not for his wife the
Jusual tenderness which men bestow upon their mistresses,
Married persons are both more warm in their love, and
more hearty in their hatred, than any others whatsoever.
Mutual favours and obligations, which may be supposed to
be greater here than in any other state, naturally beget an
intense affection in generous minds: as, on the contrary,
persons who have bestowed such favours have a particular
hitterness in their resentments, when they think themselves
ill treated by those of whom they have deserved so much.
If married people received every token of regard, and all
those offices which are necessary to mutual happiness, as fa-
vours, not as duties, and appeared grateful instead ºf silently
- contented, it would preserve the desire of obliging, and give
a Spirit to every duty.



248 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
It perhaps requires more virtues to make a good husband
or wife, than to finish the most shining character whatever.
Discretion seems absolutely necessary; and accordingly
we find that the best husbands have been most famous for
their wisdom. Homer, who has drawn a perfect pattern
of a prudent man, to render it the more complete, has cele-
brated him for the just returns of fidelity and truth to his
Penelope; insomuch that he refused the caresses of a god-
dess for her sake ; and to use the expression of a pagan
author, “Vetulam suam praetulit immortalitati,” his old wo.
man was dearer to him than immortality. -
Virtue is the next necessary qualification for this domestic
character, as it naturally produces constancy and mutual
esteem. Thus Brutus and Portia were more remarkable
for virtue and affection than any others of the age in which
they lived.
Good nature is a third necessary ingredient in a marriage
state, without which it would inevitably sour on many oc.
casions. When greatness of mind is joined with this amia-
ble quality, it attracts the admiration and esteem of all who
behold it. Thus Casar, not more remarkable for his for ,
tune and valour than for his humanity, stole into the hearts
of the Roman people, when breaking through the custom,
he pronounced an oration at the funeral of his first wife.
Good nature is insufficient, unless it be steady and uni-
form, and accompanied with an evenness of temper, which
is above all things to be preserved in this friendship con-
tracted for life. A man must be easy within himself, before
he can be so to others. Socrates and Marcus Aurelius are
instances of men, who, by the strength of philosophy having
entirely composed their minds and regulated their passions,
are celebrated for good husbands, notwithstanding the first
was yoked with Xantippe, and the other with Faustinia.
If the wedded pair would but habituate themselves for the
first year to bear with one another's faults, the difficulty
would be pretty well conquered. This mutual sweetness of


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 249
temper and complacency was finely recommended in the
nuptial ceremonies among the heathens, who when they
sacrificed to Juno, at that solemnity, always tore out the
gall from the entrails of the victim, and cast it behind the
altar,

VIRTUE, CHEERFULNESS, AND CONSTANCY, ABSOLUTELY
NECESSARY TO MAKE THE MARRIED STATE HAPPY.
If you would have the nuptial union last,
Let virtue be the band which ties it fast. Row E.
Those who would live happily in the marriage state
should never enter into it without loving and being beloved,
and should render this love genuine and durable by founding
it on virtue. If it has no object but beauty, a graceful air,
or the bloom of youth, it will be as frail as these fleeting
advantages, and like them too will soon vanish ; but if it is
fixed by the perfections of the mind, it will then stand the
test of time. -
A marriage contracted without tenderness is a kind of
violence ; for to possess, when the mind does not consent,
is to violate the law of nature. The gifts of Hymen ought
only to be dispensed by the hands of Love; and whoever
receives them from another is no better than a usurper.
Vicious habits, capricious humours, and opposite opinions,
disturb the best established love. Thus a niggardly, ava-
ricious husband will conceive a disgust for that wife, who,
thinking more nobly, imagines she ought to regulate her
expenses by their joint income. On the contrary, a prodi-
gal will despise his wife merely for being a good economist.
Marriage is the highest state of friendship : if happy, it
lessens our cares by dividing them, at the same time that it
doubles our satisfactions by mutual participation. It is a


poMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 251
state which ought not to be entered into with indifference
on either side.
In unequal marriages, those frequently incur censure
who more happily yoked might be entitled to praise.
Husbands and wives, who live together in a good under-
standing, give to strangers an almost unerring proof of the
goodness of their hearts. -
When we choose our companions for life, if we hope to
keep both them and ourselves in good humour to the last
stage of it, we must be extremely careful in the choice we
make, as well as the conduct on our own part. When the
persons to whom we join ourselves can stand an examina-
tion, and bear the scrutiny, when they mend upon our ac-
quaintance with them, and discover new beauties the more
we search into their characters, our love will naturally rise
in proportion to the knowledge of their perfections.
But because there are very few possessed of such ac-
complishments of body and mind, we ought to look after
those qualifications both in ourselves and others, which are
indispensably necessary toward this happy union, and which
are in the power of every one to acquire, or at least to
cultivate and improve. These, in my opinion, are cheer-
fulness and constancy. A cheerful temper joined with in-
nocence, will make beauty attractive, knowledge delightful,
and wit good natured. It will lighten sickness, poverty,
and affliction ; convert ignorance into an amiable simplicity,
and render deformity itself agreeable.
Constancy is natural to persons of even tempers and uni-
form dispositions; and may be acquired by those of the
greatest fickleness, violence, and passion, who consider se.
riously the terms of union upon which they came together;
the mutual interest in which they are engaged, with all the
motives that ought to incite their tenderness and compassion
towards those who have their dependence upon them, and
are embarked with them for life in the same state of happi-
mess or misery.

252 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
-
Constancy, when it grows in the mind upon considerations
of this nature, becomes a moral virtue, and a kind of good
nature that is not subject to any change of health, age, for-
tune, or any of those accidents which are apt to unsettle
the best dispositions, that are founded rather in constitution
than in reason. Where such a constancy as this is wanting,
the most inflamed passion may fall away into coldness and
indifference, and the most melting tenderness degenerate
into hatred and aversion.
In order to acquire the right of demanding love, endea-
vour to deserve it : after a union of twenty years, be as
attentive to please, and as careful to avoid offence, as if you
were now endeavouring to inspire that passion : for there is
as great an advantage in keeping a heart, as in first con-
quering it. I dare answer for the happiness of that union,
where love, honour, and a mutual condescension perpetually
reign; but the tie will be greatly weakened by the want
of any ofthese three requisites; and if the first be wanting,
it will be totally destroyed. -
Agathocles and Calista are completely happy, because
they are both the friends of virtue. They love each other
on this account; their love therefore will last as long as
their virtue, and the continuance of that is secured by their
union ; for nothing can secure our perseverance in the paths

of wisdom so effectually, as having a beloved and loving
example before us. Their felicity can never be disturbed
but by those disasters and misfortunes, from which their
mutual tenderness cannot shelter them. But supposing that
these should fall to their share, they would then only par.
take of the common lot of mankind. Those who have
never tasted the delights of love are equally exposed to
disappointment, and the lover is at least a gainer with re.
spect to those pleasures, which are of great account in the
estimation of the value of life. Add to this, that love tends
to diminish the sense of their misfortunes ; it has the pecu-
liar virtue of rendering the sufferings of two well-paired
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 253
hearts less acute, and their delights more exquisite. It
would seem as if by communicating their distresses, each
felt but half their weight, whilst, on the contrary, their sa-
tisfactions are increased by participation. As a squadron
of horse is conquered with more difficulty in proportion to
its closeness, so the happy pair resist the attacks of trouble
and adversity with so much more strength, as they are
more firmly united. -

ON THE BRUTALITY OF HUSBANID3,
As women owe a duty, so do men;
* Men must be like the branch and bark of trees,
- Which both defend them from tempestuous rage,
Clothe them in winter, tender them in age;
Or as ewes' love unto their eanlings lives,
So should be husbands’ custom to their wives.
WILKINs's Miseries of Enforced Marriage.
How monstrous is the brutal figure some husbands make,
who, when lovers, were the poorest and most abject of
slaves | When they should be defenders, they are tyrants:
and when it is reasonable for them to be provoked, they are
stupidly submissive. How contemptible is their unmanly
weakness a morose and restless peevishness makes up the
behaviour they expect to charm by. They contract a
surly, sour habit, from the disappointments they meet with
in life; and instead of softening the edge of affliction towards
the woman who is bound to share their sufferings,
they double them on their head, from whom, in honour and
conscience they ought to ward off sorrow by a noble sweet-
ness and endearing tenderness in their whole behaviour.
Particular circumstances and cast of temper must teach
a man the probability of mighty uneasinesses in the mar-
riage state; (for some there are, unquestionably, whose very
dispositions are strangely averse to conjugal friendship :)
but no one, I believe, is by his own natural complexion
prompted to tease and torment another, for no reason but
being nearly allied to him; and can there be any thing
more base, or serve to sink a man so much below his own
distinguishing characteristic reason, than returning evil for
- - ~ - -
º



DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 255
good in so open a manner, as that of treating a helpless crea-
ture with unkindness, who has so good an opinion of him as
to believe what he said relating to one of the greatest con-
cerns of life, by delivering her happiness in this world to his
care and protection ? Must not that man be abandoned
even to all manner of humanity, who can deceive a woman
with appearances of affection and kindness, for no other end
but to torment her with more ease and authority ? Is any
thing more unlike a gentleman, than when his honour is en-
gaged for the performing his promises, because nothing but
that can oblige him to it, to become afterwards false to his
word, and be alone the occasion of miseries to one whose
happiness he but lately pretended was dearer to him than
his own? Ought such a one to be trusted in his common
affairs, or treated but as one whose honesty consisted only
in his incapacity of being otherwise?
There is one cause of this usage no less absurd than
common, which takes place among the more unthinking
men, and that is the desire to appear to their friends free
and at liberty, without those trammels which they have so
much ridiculed. To avoid this, they fly into the other ex-
treme, and grow tyrants that they may seem masters.
Because an uncontrollable command of their actions is a
certain sign of entire dominion, they won’t so much as re-
cede from the government even in one muscle of their faces.
3 kind look, they believe, would be fawning, and a civil
answer yielding the superiority. To this we must attribute
an austerity they betray in every action : what but this can
put a man out of humour in his wife's company, though he is
so distinguishedly pleasant every where else? The bitter-
ness of his replies, and the severity of his frowns to the ten-
derest of wives, clearly demonstrate, that an ill-grounded
fear of being thought too submissive, is at the bottom of this
(as I am willing to call it) affected moroseness: but if it be
such, put on only to convince his acquaintance of his entire
dominion, let him take care of the consequence, which will

256 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
be certain and worse than the present evil; his seeming in-
difference will by degrees grow into real contempt, and if it
doth not wholly alienate the affections of his wife for ever
from him, make both him and her more miserable than if
it really did so.
However inconsistent it may appear, to be thought a well
bred person has no small share in this clownish behaviour:
but if this sort of husbands would be convinced, that to be
civil at least is not beneath the character of a gentleman;
nor that even tender affection towards one who would
make it reciprocal, betrays any softness of effeminacy that
the most masculine disposition need be ashamed of; would
they be satisfied of the generosity of voluntary civility, and
the greatness of soul that is conspicious in benevolence
without immediate obligations; the married condition would


be a far more easy and comfortable one than it generally
is. The husband would be no where so well satisfied as in
his own house, nor the wife so pleasant as in the company
of her husband. A desire of being agreeable in the lover,
would be increased in the husband; and the mistress would
be more amiable by becoming the wife. In short, men in
general would be much better than they are, did they not
so frequently exercise the worst turns of their temper where
they ought to exert the best.
It is wonderful to observe how easily men get into a habit
of being least agreeable where they are most obliged to be
so. Some men are so unmerciful as to move jealousy in
their wives, and not care whether they are so or not :
they are ever out of humour in their company, but the
pleasantest men in the world every where else; the
greatest slovens at home, but the most exactly dress-
ed in all other places. I would recommend to such
men a more regular behaviour than to give the most ex-
quisite torments to those who love them; nay, whose tor-
ment would be abated if they did not love them. -
Amabilis is one who practises all the parts of a fine gen-
tleman in the duty of a husband : when he was a bachelor
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 257
much business made him negligent in his habit, but now
there is no young lover so nice in the care of his person.
One who asked him why he was so long washing his mouth,
and so delicate in the choice and wearing of his linen, Was-
answered, “Because there is a woman of merit obliged to
receive me kindly, and I think it incumbent on me to make
her inclination go along with her duty.”
If a man would give himself leave to think, he would not
be so unreasonable as to expect debauchery and innocence
could live in commerce together; or hope that flesh and
blood is capable of so strict an alliance, as that a fine woman -
must go on to improve herself, till she is as good as an an-
gel, only to preserve a fidelity to a brute and a satyr.
Tom Whiffle married a wife by the command of his fa-
ther, because the match was on some particular accounts
convenient to the family affairs. The lady was then very
young, and as her choice was not in the least consulted, she
did not think much about it. She knew that her new hus-
band was not the object of her love, but did not immediately
know how much he deserved to be hated. As her education
had been carefully virtuous and her principles untainted,
she considered assiduously the merits of her spouse, and
endeavoured to find something amiable in a man, to whom
virtue did not permit her to be any longer indifferent. She
mistook, so great was her simplicity and inexperience, the
transports of the first enjoyment for the pledges of mutual
tenderness and future happiness. He begins very soon to
consider her as an incumbrance, and is easily disgusted at
her person, which novelty at first only recommended ; and
from thence begins to quarrel with her fondness and esteem
for him, because they take from him all pretence of hating
her. She is frightened and alarmed at so strange and un-
reasonable a sourness of temper; she is loth to believe or
understand it; but his inhumanity grows too plain to be
mistaken any longer. She contents herself, however, in
the midst of her distresses, with the consciousness of her
22*
--
-


258 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
own virtue; a sublime and noble satisfaction She is
grieved for her husband, but does not hate him; she is less
seen abroad and less visited at home; applies herself to the
concerns of her family, and a stricter guard over her actions;
still meets her husband even with a smile, and suffers her-
self to be hourly insulted by the follies which he brings
home with him, without breaking out into the justest rage
and reproaches. With what words can I sufficiently ap-
plaud such charming discretion, or how exclaim against the
ill-discerning world, who are silent in her praise, whilst they
extol the husband as the mirror of modern gallantry, and
the perfect model of a fine gentleman?
I doubt not but the frequent reſlections upon marriage
and innocent love, with which the theatre has long abounded,
have been the great cause of corrupt sentiments in this re-
spect. It is not every youth that can behold the fine gen-
tleman of the comedy represented with a peculiar good
grace, leading a loose and profligate life, and condemning
virtuous affection as insipid, and not be secretly emulous
of what appears so amiable to a whole audience. These
gay pictures make lasting impressions on the imaginations
of youth; and are hardly to be erased in riper years, unless
a commerce between virtuous and innocent lovers be painted
with the same advantage, and in as lively colours, by the
most masterly hands,



Rob; Smirke Del.
-
-
FIE,
Tº go on wi
º
Zºze.
|-






THE DUTIES OF A GOOD WIFE.
º
Blest is the maid, and worthy to be blest,
Whose soul entire, by whom she loves possest,
Feels every vanity in fondness lost, -
And asks no power but that of pleasing most:
Hers is the bliss in just return to prove
The honest warmth of undissembled love:
For her, inconstant man might cease to range,
And gratitude forbid desire to change.
LYTTLETON,
A woMAN’s first care ought to be to win the heart of her
husband, and the second to preserve it. She should study
his character, taste, and defects, and conform to his will in
all reasonable things. If she should be under a necessity
of thinking and acting different from him, let her not too
violently oppose his inclination, but seem at first to fall in
with his sentiments, and then mildly demonstrate to him,
that his resolutions are liable to some inconveniences, giving
at the same time a few hints of other means to satisfy them:
in short, let her, if possible, make him fix on those very
means, that he may think he follows his own will whilst he
is directed by hers. -
This conduct seldom fails of being attended with success,
and yet most women neglect it : for being accustomed to
the assiduity and complaisance of a man during his courtship,
they persuade themselves, that the quality of a husband



260 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
will lessen nothing of that attention so flattering to their
self-love. They affect, in the very beginning of their union,
to observe no other rule for their actions but their whims
and caprices, of which they would make their husbands the
slaves, in order to preserve a sovereignty, which they have
too often pushed even to despotism.
A good wife is the greatest blessing and the most valuable
possession that Heaven, in this life, can bestow: she makes
the cares of the world sit easy, and adds a sweetness to its
pleasures: she is a man’s best companion in prosperity, and
his only friend in adversity ; the carefulest preserver of his
health, and the kindest attendant on his sickness; a faithful
adviser in distress, a comforter in affliction, and a prudent
manager of all his domestic affairs.
The principal views of a good wife in adorning her per-
son, should be to preserve her husband’s affection, and to do
credit to his choice.
A married woman should not be desirous of attracting
the eyes of any man, but those of her husband.
If a woman would have the world respect her husband,
she must set the example herself. Whilst the wife gives
the least room to suspect that she despises her husband, she
will find that she subjects herself to double contempt, if he
resents it not ; and if he does, how can she be happy 7. If
they differ, she will be apt to make bystanders judges over
her. They perhaps may remember when she is willing to
forget, and her fame will be the sport of those beneath her,
as well in understanding as in degree.
There is scarce a family in this busy, talking town,
whose most secret affairs are not perfectly known; nay,
though it be ever so improper that they should be so. The
wife is too often at the bottom; she intrusts some bosom.
friend, not remembering that the breach of confidence is as
much in that, as if she had revealed it to a thousand ; and
it is from this dear friend a thousand know it. A prudent
woman will be upon her guard in the strictest manner

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYFD. 261
against these confidences, remembering that the most im-
portant of all concerns, the esteem and good opinion of her
husband, depend upon her silence; and that nothing of all
this is upon her whom she is intrusting, nothing more than
an i significant promise to an indifferent person.
To a full mind there is no relief like the having a bosom
friend, to whom it may in safety unload its inmost weight.
Where is the husband to look for this friend, if not in his
wife? And why should she rob him of the advantage 7
Why will she give him an occasion, for this may be the
event, to seek friendship and fidelity in some other breast !
These little points the moralists have disregarded, as trivial
and below their consideration; yet trivial as they are, it is
on them that all the colour of our lives depends. Those
who despise trifles, find themselves often undone by them.
A good wife will not content herself that her conduct is
unblamable; she will endeavour to make it meritorious, and
will lay a claim to the gratitude as well as the acknowledg-
ments of the husband's heart, and to the applause as well as
the approbation of her own. -
It is common for the dread of one extreme to drive people
of weak minds upon the opposite. There is not any part
of the conduct of a wife so essential as this. The point to
be aimed at by her is the middle state between neglect and
impertinence; the one is not more mischievous than the
other is tiresome. - º -
Happy is the man who meets a wife that is not stupidly
silent, nor always prattling nonsense; whose mind is enrich-
ed with all useful knowledge, and who has a taste for polite
literature. A woman thus accomplished will be always
drawing sentences and maxims of virtue from the most ju-
dicious authors. She will be mistress of herself in all
changes of fortune, neither blown up in prosperity, nor bro.
ken with adversity. She will be a cheerful and good hu.
moured friend, and an agreeable companion for life. What-
ever company he is engaged in, he will long to be at home,







262 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and retire with delight from the society of men into the bosom
of one who is so dear, so knowing, and so amiable : he will
waste with pleasure whole days and nights in her company,
and be ever finding out new beauties in her conversation:
she will keep his mind in perpetual serenity, restrain its
mirth from being dissolute, and prevent its melancholy from
being painful. r

THE DUTIES OF A GOOD WIFE.
Think not, the husband gained, that all is done,
The prize of happiness must still be won;
And oft the careless find it to their cost,
The lover in the husband may be lost:
The graces might alone his heart allure,
They and the virtues meeting must secure.
Let e'en your prudence wear the pleasing dress
º Of care for him and anxious tenderness.
From kind concern about his weal or wo,
Let each domestic duty seem to flow.
Endearing thus the common acts of life,
The mistress still shall charm him in the wife.
- - LYTTLEToN's Advice to a Lady.
AMong the duties between the husband and the wife, the
first is affection. The preserving this is the most essential
of all concerns; for this being the band of all the union, on
this depends the happiness that shall attend it; and that will
not only be lost by the neglect of it, but will be more and
more complete in proportion as the attention to this concern
is more and more inviolable.
The love which marriage authorizes, and which it should
inspire, is not a flight of idle fancy, wild, irregular, and un-
certain : it must be firm, perfect, and inviolable; it must
be the fruit of consideration as well as of imagination ; and
must be known as a virtue as well as of a compliance.
- -
---





264 r)OMEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
The writers on morality have said, among their cautions
against disquiet in the married life, that the husband and
wife should never be both angry together, that when one is
out of temper the other should be silent: but this is talking
in the general; it is right, it is wise, and it was perhaps as
much as a recluse locked up in his study could arrive to
know; but those who live among the world are acquainted
with a thousand delicacies unknown to those remote ob-
servers. There is a manner in doing things in which al-
most as much virtue consists as in the doing them; and it
is not sufficient that people are told what they are to do,
unless they are informed in what way they are to do it.
It is impossible that a man can love the person whom he
does not esteem; at least that love which a wife is to expect
from the husband cannot subsist without it. The first tes.
timony he usually gives of his esteem is the confiding in her,
and revealing to her all his secrets. This is done in confi-
dence, and the trust ought never to be violated ; although
he says nothing, he means it should be so ; and he may
pardon, but can never forget the violation of it. ' -
Those who love truly have but one heart between them;
their thoughts, their cares, their concerns are in common ;
confidence is the natural offspring of affection, and he who
loves tenderly can keep no secret.
It would be hard to say, perhaps, whether more families
have had their peace disturbed by the unaffectionate reserve
in the husband, or by the idle talking of the wife ; whether
more have been sacrifices to the not intrusting of a secret,
or to the divulging of it; but this is certain, that the offence
on the one part is less than on the other, and that the one
may be with reason pardoned and respected afterwards,
but the other cannot. - º
There is no occasion of so much reputation to a woman,
be her quality what it will, so great, as the saying that her
family is regular and well governed : and let me add, that
there is no fortune so moderate that will not serve to make









DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 265
an appearance, nor is there any so great as to support a
just appearance long without it. The peculiar instructions
on such a head as this, can only be suited to the peculiar
circumstances of the persons to whom they are addressed :
may, and the caution is more strict only to those peculiarities
of temper and disposition, under which both are to enjoy
those circumstances.
Those who are not easy at home, will never taste enjoy-
ment any where else. To be easy is to be regular; let a
good wife set out with a principle of never neglecting any
thing at the time when it is proper to consider it, and she
will never be perplexed and prevented with the multiplicity
of concerns. These things offer singly, and they are easily
despatched; it is the neglecting them that accumulates
them ; and whilst she looks on a confused number without
knowing which to begin with, she lets alone all. -
Nothing is so common as for people to be plundered by
their servants. Of all things that are easy to be gone
through at first, accounts of this kind are the easiest; of all
others, when they are neglected, they become the most
confused, displeasing, and impracticable. You recollect
the circumstances when a thing is recent, but you forget
them after the time is elapsed. You expect the expense
of a few days in articles that you remember; you are asto-
mished at the sum when you have forgotten the things it
concerns: but this is not all; your servants will soon per-
ceive whether you inspect their accounts, and whether you
do it regularly; they will know all the profit that may be
made of your forgetfulness, and will not part with any por-
tion of the advantage. I do not pretend to say that all the
care in the world can prevent them from imposing on you,
but you cannot suffer much while you take the caution of
examining them often ; whereas, if they see you remiss,
they will undoubtedly succeed in their attempts to defraud
you. -

- 23
266 DoMEstic HAPPINEss'Pöhrr AYED.
What makes a remissness in this article the more un-
pardonable, is that there is nothing so easy. Parts and
talents are required in many scenes of life, but this is in the
power of every one, and yet almost all neglect it. Method.
and order will render things, even disagreeable in their na-
ture, easy and pleasant. Employment not only gives
pleasure to the moments devoted to it, but gives a relish for
those which succeed,

NATRIMONY THE MOST IMPORTANT STEP A MAN CAN TAKE
IN PRIVATE IIIFE,
The point to which our sweetest passions move,
Hs to be truly loved, and fondly love.
This is the charm that smooths the troubled breast,
Friend to our health, and author, of our rest;
This bids each gloomy, vexing passion fly,
And tunes each jarring string to harmony.
---
-- LYTTLETON.
MATRIMONY ought to be considered as the most impor-
tant step a man can take in private life, as it is that upon
which his fortune, his credit, and his peace must depend.
A happy marriage is the source of every kind of felicity,
and on the other hand an unhappy marriage is of all others
the greatest misfortune. A man who lives, cheerfully in
his family, who loves and is beloved by his wife, who sees
his children with the fondness of a parent, and conducts his
domestic affairs with the wisdom of a legislator, beholds a
well regulated state in his own house, of which himself is
the head. But where discord and dissension reign, where
economy is wanting, and uniqn. is no more, the husband and
the wife are alike unhappy; their private follies soon be-
come public, their errors are the prattle. of the day, and
their miscarriages the topic of every conversation. An
evil more grievous than this neither is in the power of change,
nor can be feigned by imagination. -
In the choice of a wife, a.man, ought to consult his rea-
clude love, or more properly affection, without which it is
impossible that any marriage should be happy; but I would
have this tenderness arise from reflection, and not from acci.

268 DoMESTIC HAPPINESS Portrayed.
dent; for beauty, that commonly gives rise to hasty incli-
nation, is a very small ingredient among the numerous quali-
ties that enter into the composition of a good wife. Among
these I reckon modesty in countenance and carriage, a great
fund of good sense, a sweetness of temper, equally removed
from giddiness and languor, a sincere disposition to make
the happiness of her husband her principal study, the ma-
nagement of her family her constant business, and the edu-
cation of her children her constant delight.
A young woman of good family, commonly speaking,
appears what she ought to be ; and therefore to know what
she really is, is an affair that requires time and attention.
Every thing is to be considered ; her looks, her constitution,
her dress, in a word, the most trivial of her actions, are to
be scanned, in order to form a right idea of her mind. To
facilitate this discovery two points are to be observed ; the
first is, the character of the parents, and the next, the lady's
education. Example of every kind is a powerful thing, but
that of parents is much more so: if a father or mother are
full of pride, vanity, or fondness for pleasure, if they are
remarkable for inconstancy of mind or corruption of man-
ners, it must be an adhirable genius indeed that can enable
a young woman to escape the infection. Education is also
a thing of very great consequence, and what cannot be looked
after with too much caution. To read, to write, to sing, to
dance, and to work a little with the needle, is the common
road of female education. What wonder then that a
person thus brought up, should be so unfit for the con-
versation of a man of sense, for the partner of his joys
and cares, or to share with him in the government of his
family
But these remarks are to be made ifi time : to enter into
such inquiries, and to make a right use of them, with regard
to her inclinations, a great deal of reason and good sense
are requisite : yet, after all, perfection is not to be expected ;
she has the most of it who has the fewest faults. Theses
-
-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 269

too, are to be inquired after before marriage, that they may
be borne with patience afterwards. In respect of these,
a man must judge for himself, according to the qualities of
his own mind, and that degree of command which he has
over his own passions. Instead of this delay, this caution,
most people rush hastily into the state, and discover none of
its inconveniences, till they are forced to it by experience :
then they grow uneasy, fretful, impatient, and give a loose
to their resentment; they are perpetually reproving, chi-
ding, and giving marks of their displeasure. Such methods
seldom are, indeed hardly can be, attended with success ;
they forget that mildness, indulgence, and complaisance,
though they are virtues that make no great show, are Vir-
tues nevertheless, and peculiarly necessary to the marriage
state, which is seldom happier than where both parties
strictly adhere to decency and decorum.
There are, however, a number of unhappy marriages in
which the parties have no share, but are mere victims to
the folly of their parents. The bargain perhaps was struck
before they saw each other. What an indignity is this to
human nature! The first consideration in such cases is the
fortune, and in this a few thousands, more or less, bring
people together or keep them asunder. Whilst parents love
money so much, they ought not to wonder if after marriage
their children love one another so little. But so it is, that
luxury has obtained a universal empire, and money is thought
necessary to maintain it. Yet this too is a mistake, for
luxury is a gulf that will swallow the riches of Peru. But
suppose it was not so, is not a middle state, with honour,
credit, and peace, better than immense riches, with disorder,
discord, and disquiet ! Will money cure the maladies either
of body or mind, or is it possible to enjoy riches, if peace
be wanting Let a woman bring ever so great a fortune,
if she bring ill humours too, she will make a man miserable;
and if she is extravagant, she will make him poor. These
23*

270 Domestic HAPPINEss PortRAyrd.
are things we see every day, but we never find a day to
consider them.
It is this luxury, this vanity, this divinity which all the
world adores, that exacts from a new married couple the
most senseless offerings. To keep up a foolish custom, peo-
ple are made unhappy for their lives. This divinity is in-
genious in seducing ; she bestows upon these offerings the
specious names of decency, generosity, marks of love and
respect for the fair bride: but I, who make no secret of my
impiety towards this goddess, say plainly, that they are
highly extravagant. The superfluous expenses, and luxury
in general, frequently hinder persons of both sexes from en-
tering into a state which nature inspires, reason demands,
and religion authorizes.



THE AFFECTING AND INSTRUCTIVE STORY OF CONSTANTIA,
SIR,
THAT distress finds some consolation from revealing its
misfortunes, is a trite observation, which perhaps is in no
instance more strongly felt than where we have ourselves -
to blame for our calamities. There is something in making
a confession, though but on paper, (even if it should never
be communicated to any one,) which unloads the mind of a
weight, that bears it down in secret; and though it cannot
pluck the thorn from memory, has certainly the effect of
plunting its poignancy. Suffer me, then, sir, to tell you, or
to write as if I were telling you, how unhappy I am, and
by what means I have become so. - -
I was left by my father at the age of thirteen, the eldest
of two daughters, under the charge of one of the best and
most indulgent of mothers. Our circumstances were afflu-
ent, our society respectable, and our education, from its very
commencement, had been attended to with care, and provided
for with the utmost liberality. No instruction was neglected,
no accomplishment unattended to. In attaining these, my
sister was not quite so fortunate as I. Born, as I have of.
ten been told, with uncommon quickness of parts, I found
no difficulty of mastering the studies that were taught me,
or of acquiring the embellishments it was wished I should
acquire. My sister was often deficient in the one, and awk-
ward at the other. She possessed, however, a sound, plain
understanding, and an excellent temper. My superiority
never excited envy in her, and I think never vanity in me.
S-
º

272 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
We loved each other most sincerely; and after some years
had blunted the grief which my mother felt for her hus-
band's death, there were, I believe, few happier families
than ours.
Though our affections were cordial, however, our dispo-
sitions were very different. My sister was content to think
as other people thought, and to feel as other people felt; she
rarely ventured to speculate in opinion, or to soar in fancy.
I was often tempted to reject, if not to despise, the common
opinions of mankind, and to create to myself a warm, and,
I am afraid, a visionary picture of happiness arising from a
highly refined sensibility. My mother was at pains to com-
bat these enthusiastic ideas, and to represent the danger of
indulging in them. From a desire, perhaps, of overcoming
that tendency towards them which she perceived in me, her
discourse, when we were alone, almost constantly turned
on this subject. As she always allowed us the liberty of
argument with her, I stood up in those conversations the
warm defender of my own maxims, in contradiction to those,
prudent ones which she recommended. Hers, I am per-
suaded, admitted of better reasoning; but my cause gave
greater room for eloquence. All my little talents were
exerted in the contest; and I have often since thought that
my mother had from nature a bent to my side of the ques-
tion, which all her wisdom and experience had not been able
to overcome; that though she constantly applauded the
prudent system of my sister, she was in truth rather partial
to mine, and vain of that ability with which I defended it.
However that might be, I myself always rose from the dis-
pute more and more convinced of the justness of my own
opinions, and proud of that superiority which I thought they
conferred on me. - -
We had not long attained a marriageable age, when we
found ourselves surrounded with those whom the world
terms admirers. Our mother's benevolence and sweet.
ness of temper inclined her to society, and we were too

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 273
innocent for prudery. We had, therefore, a number of
visiters of the other sex, many of whom were so particular
in their attentions, that women who wished to boast of con-
quests, would have called them lovers. With us they did
not always assume that title; my sister was too prudent,
and I was too nice, easily to believe a man a lover.
Among those, however, were two gentleman, whose at-
tachment was declared to me in terms too strong to be mis-
understood. Florio's person was universally allowed to be
handsome; many, of whom I was one, thought it elegant.
With external accomplishments his education had furnished
him, his manner was easy and unembarrassed; some called
it assuming, I thought it natural. His conversation was
full of the language of sensibility; in my idea it spoke a
mind replete with sensibility itself. Other people some-
times suspected him of shallowness and affectation; I
praised him for avoiding the pedantry of knowledge, and
the rusticity of men proud of its acquirements. T-
Alcander was the only son of a particular friend of my
mother, and therefore on a very intimate footing in our fami-
ly. My mother, with whom he was a favourite, discovered
in him a great fund of good sense and of useful knowledge.
I was struck with the inelegance of his appearance and ad-
dress, and the want of refinement in his sentiments and
conversation. His goodness and candour were often the
topics of my mother's commendation: I remarked his want
of discernment, and the coldness of his attachments and
aversions. My mother often repeated her own eulogiums
of Alcander, and the criticisms of the world on Florio ; I
always heard her with a determined opposition of sentiment,
and therefore rose from the conversation more averse from .
the first, and more attached to the latter. Alcander, after ".
persisting for some time under a very marked disinclination
to him, gave up the pursuit; but as he still continued his
visits to the family, particularly during any occasional ab.
sence of mine, he transferred by degrees his affections to



274 . DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. PORTRAYED,
my sister. When he had ceased to be my lover, l, was:
willing to be very much his friend. My mother had al-
ways shown her partiality in his favour; my sister was won
by his virtues, and, after some time, became his wife.
Florio's suit to me was opposed by my mother with rather
more vehemence than was natural to her. She often insist-
ed on the infatuation, as she called it, of that deception I
was under with regard to him ; a deception, of which,
she predicted, I should one day be convinced. Her
opposition, however, though it overruled my conduct, never
overcame my attachment. I would not be his without the
consent of my mother; but my affection it was not in her
power to shake. Her love for me overcame her resolution;
and at last she gave, however unwillingly, my hand, to
Florio. - -
I was now the happiest of women. The scenes of con-
jugal teaderness—and domestic happiness, which I had often
pictured, I thought now realized in the possession of a man,
who, I had taught myself to believe, was to love me for ever,
and was himself every thing I ought to love; and I often
looked with a degree of pity on the situation of my sister,
whose happiness (for she called it happiness) with Alcan-
der was of a kind so inferior to mine.
How long this lasted I cannot exactly say. I fear I
begun to be unhappy long before I could allow myself to
believe it. I have often wept alone at the coldness and
neglect of Florio, when, on meeting him, a few words of
seeming tenderness and affection made me again reproach
my doubts of his love, and think my own situation the most
enviable of any. Alas! he drove me from this last strong-
hold, in which my affection for him had entrenched itself.
It is now three years since he has treated me in such a
manner, as to leave me no apology for his treatment.
During the last, my mother's death has deprived me of
one of the few comforts I had left. From my mother
I carefully concealed my distress; but I believe in vain.
She lived to guess at my misery; and I fear her sense of

DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 275
it added to the pressure of that disease which brought her
to her grave.
After the loss of my husband's love, it is little to talk of
my disappointment in his talents and accomplishments. It
was long, however, before I allowed myself to see defects,
which less penetration than I have been flattered with pos.
sessing had long before discovered. My mother had often,
before our marriage, expressed her surprise, that one of my
abilities should be so deceived, as not to see his inferiority.
I believe, that it is by these abilities that the deception is
aided. They are able to form a picture, to which more or.
dinary minds are unequal ; and in the weakness of their
rash attachment they find the likeness where they wish to
find it. -
I was interrupted by my sister. Why are her looks so
serene ; and why does she telli me how much mine are al-
tered 7 I am too proud to allow a witness to my distresses :
and from her, of all womankind, I would conceal them.
This dissimulation is due to my pride, perhaps to my duty;
yet if you knew, sir, what it is to smile in public, to seem
to be happy, with such feelings as mine ; to act contentment
all day long, and to retire at night to my lonely pillow, with
the anguish my heart has treasured up all the while !— But
the subject overpowers me. Farewell.
CoNSTANTIA.

ON FEMALE ACCOMPLISHMIENTS.
To give society its highest taste,
Well order'd home man's best delight to make,
And by submissive wisdom, modest skill,
With every gentle care-eluding art
To raise the virtues, animate the bliss,
And sweeten all the toils of human life;
This be the female dignity and praise ! THOMson.
As women cannot be useful in the same way as the men
are, by building, for instance, ploughing, gardening, and
other manual arts, and by the employments of active and
public life, there are services more adapted to their softer
and more delicate constitutions.
These services are no other than a discreet economy
within doors, elegant conversation, tender friendship, decent
behaviour, education of children, and the like.
Therefore, to execute these well must be the business and
duty of woman ; and what is her duty, must be her orna-
ment and happiness. -
A moderate skill in arithmetic has saved many estates;
and it is the proper business of the women to be prudent
and careful in laying out what the men acquire by industry
and study, or their painful employments in public life : and
this cannot be done without keeping regular accounts.
As it is the business and particular interest of women to
excel in conversation, and in the amiable decencies of life,
and to delight and polish the men by their softness and de-
licacy in speaking as well as acting, they can hardly show
those talents to such advantage, except they have a taste
for the beauty as well as propriety of their mother tongue.

T}OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 277
Speaking gracefully is of more consequence to the wo.
men than they are aware : since the better and most sensi-
ble part of our sex are apter to be caught by the ear than
by the eyes; and since speech is one of the best instruments
of female power, by which they calm the storms of passion,
and charm our rude natures into a softer kind of humanity.
Dignity and gravity are the peculiar excellencies of the
men, and befitting their character, as they are formed for
public life, and a sphere of action which requires greatness
of mind, strength and firmness of resolution, a cooler strain
of passion, and more intense application of thought; whereas
decency is the proper characteristic and charm of a wo.
man, as suited to that softer economy and more private life
for which she was destined. This consists in a certain ele-
gant propriety and delicacy of manner, so well suited to the
character of her in whom it prevails, and so discreetly
adapted to persons, times, and places, as to reflect a full
image of female softness and modesty. Some of its princi-
pal features are of a mildness of nature, which is prome to
please and yield to others, and arrogates to itself nothing
that is not due to it; a modest reserve, which guards against
an affected shyness on the one hand, and indecent liberties
on the other; an elegant tenderness, which is disposed to
compassion and is sensible to friendship, yet is guided by
judgment in its measure and the choice of its objects; a high
sense of decorum, which teaches her in every circumstance
what to grant and what to refuse, when to speak and when
to be silent, to maintain the respect due to the sex without
pride or disdain, and court the esteem of others without arti.
fice or Ostentation; not feigning passions she has not, nor
indiscreetly discovering or artfully disguising those she has,





much less boasting an insensibility to which she is a stran.
ger; and above all, a quick feeling of every thing that is
fair, honourable, humane, and faithful, with an irreconcila.
ble aversion from whatever is unbecoming the honour and
dignity of a woman. Such are the charms of decency.
24 -
278 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
How shocking it appears to see women forward in con-
versation, vain and arrogant, rough and boisterous in their be-
haviour, or else artificial and full of disguise ! but whenever
we discover a levity and wantonness, then we look upon
them in the very worst light, as stript of that natural ar.
rºm OUlt which at once protects and adorns them.
Sphronilla is a medley of noise and nonsense, light as air,
and as subject to storms too; a perfect virago in her gait
and behaviour, always in a flutter, eternally prattling, soon
fond, yet soon disgusted, and plays the tyrant every where
with all the insolence of beauty, heightened by a fortune
which she thinks places her above censure; covetous of
praise, yet indifferent who bestows it ; often a slattern in
dress; regardless in company of the distinctions of persons
and things, and can sacrifice any decency of life to her plea-
sure or pique. - -
But what a different creature, and how lovely is the mo-
dest Corinda 1 Tenderly sensible of her own dignity and
character, yet always willing to attend and to do justice to
the merit of others; frank without being forward, and cau-
º tious rather than reserved apt to distrust her own opinion,
but most ready to listen to that of others; better pleased to
hear than speak, but when she opens her mouth, calm and
gentle as the breath of evening; Susceptible of the most
tender sentiments, yet sedate and steady in governing them;
insinuating, but without the least artifice; a strict observer
of the minutest decorums of life, that have the least con:
nexion with virtue and female delicacy, joining the discre.
tion of the matron to the modesty of the virgin. -
What a different figure do these ladies make in the
opinion of the world, and how differently are they re-
ceived The one draws the eyes and observations of all
upon her, but it is in order to censure and expose her the
more effectually. Most people are afraid of her, and shun
her as they would do a hurricane or a viper. Those who
do not dread, despise and laugh at her. Her noise and


YoUMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 279
fortune make her heard, where her sentiments would gain
neither attention nor respect : none esteem her; those who
profess it do it only to herself, or for some private views.
The men hate a creature who affects to be so like them-
selves; and the women despise her because she is so un-
like what a woman ought to be. How different is the treat-
ment of the other | The most sensible of both sexes flock
around her, and eagerly court her acquaintance; wherever
she makes her appearance, she spreads joy and good hu-
mour; whenever she opens her mouth, she is heard with
the most profound attention ; the beau monde want to estab-
1sh their own character by keeping her company, and their
reputation for sense by being of the same opinion with her ;
for her taste is esteemed a standard, and her manners a
model to the rest of her sex, Therefore they are forced to
admire those qualities they cannot imitate, and willingly
confess that superiority which is tempered with so much
modesty and mildness.
A strict modesty and decorum of behaviour is the distin.
guishing charm of female virtue, a quality so essential to
the sex, that we always expect to find it; and which,
where it is wanting, can be compensated by no charms of
nature or art; it is equally admired by the loose and the
sober part of our sex; it extenuates many failings, and pla.
ces every good quality in the most alluring light. And
though our passion may, yet our esteem never can be, cap-
tivated, much less secured, without it. -

CONNEXION OF THE TWO SEXES : THE GROUNDS OF IT : THE
MORAL ENDS AND DUTIES OF MARRIAGE.
O! source of every social tie,
United wish, and mutual joy!
What various joys on one attend,
As son, as father, brother, husband, friend ?
Whether his hoary sire he spies
While thousand grateful thoughts arise,
Or meets his spouse's fonder eye,
Orviews his smiling progeny
What tender passions take their turn,
What home-felt raptures move!
His heart now melts, now leaps, now burns,
With rev'rence, hope, and love. POPE.
WHEN man arrives to a certain age, he becomes sensible
of a peculiar sympathy and tenderness towards the other
sex; the charms of beauty engage his attention, and call
forth new and softer dispositions than he has yet felt. The
many amiable qualities exhibited by a fair outside, or by
the mild allurement of female manners, or which the pre-
judiced spectator without much reason supposes those to
include, with several other circumstances both natural and
accidental, point his view and affection to a particular object,
and of course contract that general rambling regard, which
was lost and useless among the undistinguished crowd,
into a peculiar and permanent attachment to one woman,
which ordinarily terminates in the most important, venera-
ble, and delightful connexion in life. - -
The state of the brute creation is very different from that
of human creatures: the former are clothed and gene-
rally armed by their structure, easily find what is neces-
sary to their subsistence, and soon attain their vigour and
º


DONIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYE). 281
maturity; so that they need the care and aid of their pa-
rents but a short while: and therefore we see that nature
has assigned to them vagrant and transient amours. The
connexion being purely natural, and formed merely for
propagating and rearing their offspring, no sooner is that
end answered than the connexion dissolves of course. But
the human race are of a more tender and defenceless con.
stitution: their infancy and nonage continue longer; they
advance slowly to strength of body and maturity of reason;
they need constant attention, and a long series of cares and
labours, to train them up to decency, virtue, and the various
arts of life. Nature has therefore provided them with the
most affectionate and anxious tutors, to aid their weakness,
to supply their wants, and to accomplish them in those ne-
cessary arts; even their own parents, on whom she has
devolved this mighty charge, rendered agreeable by the
most alluring and powerful of all ties, parental affection.
But unless both concur in this grateful task, and continue
their joint labours, till they have reared up and planted out
their young colony, it must become a prey to every rude
invader, and the purpose of nature, in the original union of
the human pair must be defeated. Therefore our structure
as well as condition is an evident indication that the human
sexes are destined for a more intimate, for a more moral and
iasting union. It appears likewise, that the principal end of
marriage is not to propagate and nurse up an offspring, but
to educate and form minds for the great duties and extensive
destinations of life. Society must be supplied from this origi-
nal nursery with useful members, and its fairest ornaments
and supports. But how shall the young plants be guarded
against the inclemencies of the air and seasons, cultivated
and raised to maturity, if men, like brutes, indulge in vagrant
and promiscuous amours? -
The mind is apt to be dissipated in its views, and its acts
of friendship and humanity; unless the former be directed
to a particular object, and the latter employed in a particu.
2 * * …


282 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
of action is a family. - -
lar province. When men once give way to this dissipation,
there is no stopping their career; they grow insensible to
moral attractions, and by obstructing or impairing the decent
and regular exercise of the tender and generous feelings of
the human heart, they in time become unqualified for, or
averse from, the forming a moral union of souls, which is
the cement of Society and the source of the purest domestic
joys : whereas a rational, undepraved love, and its fair
companion marriage, collect a man's views, guide his heart
to its proper object, and by confining his affection to that
object, do really enlarge its influence and use. Besides, it
is but too evident from the conduct of mankind, that the
common ties of humanity are too feeble to engage and in-
terest the passions of the generality, in the affairs of society.
The connexions of neighbourhood, acquaintance, and gene.
ral intercourse, are too wide a field of action for many; and
those of a public or community are so for more; and in
which they either care not or know not how to exert them-
selves. Therefore nature, ever wise and benevolent, by
implanting that strong sympathy, which reigns between the
individuals of each sex, and by urging them to form a par-
ticular moral connexion, the spring of many domestic en-
dearments, has measured out to each pair a particular
sphere of action, proportioned to their views, and adapted
to their respective capacities. Besides, by interesting them
deeply in the concerns of their own little circle, she has con-
nected them more closely with society, which is composed
of particular families, and bound them down to their good
behaviour, in that particular community to aWhich they
belong. This moral connexion is marriage, and this sphere
The minds of both sexes are as much formed one for the
other, by a temperament peculiar to each, as their persons.
The strength, firmness, courage, gravity, and dignity of the
man, tally to the softness, delicacy, tenderness of passion:
elegance of taste, and decency of conversation, of the W9.



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 283
man. The male mind is formed to defend, deliberate, fore-
see, contrive, and advise ; the female one to confide, imagine,
apprehend, comply, and execute : therefore the proper
temperament of these different sexes of minds, makes a fine
moral union; and the well proportioned opposition of differ-
ent or contrary qualities, like a due mixture of discords in a
composition of music, swells the harmony of society more
than if they were all unisons to each other. And this union
of moral sexes, if we may express it so, is evidently more
conducive to the improvement of each, than if they lived
apart: for the man not only protects and advises, but com-
municates vigour and resolution to the woman. She in her
turn softens, refines, and polishes him; in her Society he
finds repose from action and care; in her friendship, the fer.
ment into which his passions were wrought by the hurry
and distraction of public life, subsides and settles into a calm ;
and a thousand nameless graces and decencies, that flow
from her words and actions, form him for a more mild and
elegant deportment. His conversation and example, on the
other hand, enlarge her views, raise her sentiments, sustain
her resolutions, and free her from a thousand fears and in-
quietudes, to which her more feeble constitution subjects
her. - -
Of the conjugal alliance the following are the natural
laws. First, mutual fidelity to the marriage-bed. Disloy.
alty defeats the very end of marriage, dissolves the natural º
cement of this relation, weakens the moral tie, the chief
strength of which lies in the reciprocation of affection, and,
by making the offspring uncertain, diminishes the care and
attachment necessary to their education. -
2. A conspiration of counsels and endeavours to promote
the common interest of the family, and to educate their com-
mon offspring. In order to observe these laws, it is neces.
sary to cultivate, both before and during the marriage state,
the strictest decency and chastity of manners, and a just
sense of what becomes their respective characters.

284 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
3. The union must be inviolable and for life. The na-
ture of friendship, and particularly of this species of it, the
education of their offspring, and the order of society and of
successions, which would otherwise be extremely perplexed,
do all seem to require it. To preserve this union, and ren-
der the matrimonial state more harmonious and comforta-
ble, a mutual esteem and tenderness, a mutual deference and
forbearance, a communication of advice, assistance, and
authority, are absolutely necessary. If either party keep
within their proper departments, there need be no disputes
about power or superiority, and there will be none : they have
no opposite, no separate interests, and therefore there can be
no just ground for opposition of conduct, º

CONNEXION OF PARENTS WITH THEIR CIIILDREN-THE AU-
THORITY FOUNDED ON THAT CONNEXION-DUTIES OF
PARENTS.
-
Delightful task! to rear the tender thought,
To teach the fair idea how to shoot;
To breathe the enlivening spirit, and to fix
The generous purpose in the glowing breast. THOMSON.
THE connexion of parents with their children, is a na-
tural consequence of the matrimonial connexion; and the
duties which they owe them result as naturally from that
connexion. The feeble state of children, subject to so many
wants and dangers, requires their incessant care and atten.
tion ; their ignorant and uncultivated minds demand their
continual instruction and culture. Had human creatures
come into the world with the full strength of men, and the
weakness of reason and vehemence of passions which pre-
vail in children, they would have been too strong or too
stubborn, to have submitted to the government and instruc-
tion of their parents. But, as they were designed for a pro-
gression in knowledge and virtue, it was proper that the
growth of their bodies should keep pace with that of their
minds, lest the purposes of that progression should have
been defeated. Among other admirable purposes which
this gradual expansion of their outward as well as inward.
structure serves, this is one, that it affords ample scope to
the exercise of many tender and generous affections, which
fill up the domestic life with a beautiful variety of duties
and enjoyments; and are of course a noble discipline of the
heart, and a hardy kind of education for the more honoura-
ble and important duties of public life.
The above mentioned weak and ignorant state of children,
seems plainly to invest their parents with such authority


286 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and power as is necessary to their support, protection, and
education; but that authority and power can be construed
to extend no farther than is necessary to answer those ends
and to last no longer than that weakness and ignorance co:
tinue: therefore the foundation or reason of the authority
and power ceasing, they cease of course. Whatever power
or authority then it may be necessary or lawful for parents
to exercise, during the nonage of their children; to assume
or usurp the same when they have attained the maturity or
full exercise of their strength and reason, would be tyran-
nical and unjust. From hence it is evident, that parents
have no right to punish the persons of their children more
severely than the nature of their wardship requires; much
less to invade their lives, to encroach upon their liberty, or
transfer them as their property to any master whatsoever.
But if any parent should be so unjust and inhuman, as to
consider and treat them like his other goods and chattels,
surely, whenever they dare, they may resist; and whenever
they can, shake off that inhuman and unnatural yoke, and
be free with that liberty with which God and nature invested
them. - -
The first class of duties which parents owe their children
respect their natural life, and these comprehend protection,
nurture, provision, introducing them into the world in a man-
her suitable to their rank and fortune, and the like.
The second order of duties regards the intellectual and
moral life of their children, or their education in such arts
and accomplishments as are necessary to qualify them for
performing the duties they owe to themselves and to others.
As this was found to be the principal design of the matri-
monial alliance, so the fulfilling that design is the most im-
portant and dignified of all the parental duties. In order
therefore to fit the child for acting his part wisely and wor-
thily as a man, as a citizen, and a creature of God, both
parents ought to combine their joint wisdom, authority and
power, and each apart to employ those talents which are
---
-
-
-
-



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 287
the peculiar excellency and ornament of their respective
sex. The father ought to lay out and superintend their ed-
ucation, the mother to execute and manage the detail of
which she is capable. The former should direct the manly
exertion of the intellectual and moral powers of his child:
his imagination and the manner of those exertions are the
peculiar province of the latter. The former should advise,
protect, command; and by his experience, masculine vigour,
and that superior authority which is commonly ascribed to
his sex, brace and strengthen his pupil for active life, for
gravity, integrity, and firmness in Suffering: the business of
the latter is to bend and soften her male pupil by the charms
of her conversation, and the softness and decency of her
manners, for social life, for politeness of taste, and the ele-
gant decorums and enjoyments of humanity; and to im-
prove and refine the tenderness and modesty of her female
pupil, and form her to all those mild domestic virtues, which
are the peculiar characteristics and ornaments of her sex.
To conduct the opening minds of their sweet charge
through the several periods of their progress, to assist them
in each period in throwing out the latent seeds of reason and
ingenuity, and in gaining fresh accessions of light and vir.
tue; and at length, with all these advantages, to produce.
the young adventurers upon the great theatre of human
life, to act their several parts in the sight of their friends, of
society, and mankind How gloriously does Heaven re.
ward the task, when the parents behold these dear images
and representatives of themselves, inheriting their virtues as
well as their fortunes, sustaining their respective characters
gracefully and worthily, and giving them the agreeable
prospect of transmitting their name, with growing honour
and advantage to a race yet unborn ſº
*With pleasure I annex in a note a few lines, written by a much valued
friend, and addressed during absence, To one of the most amiable of her
sea. As they are the spontaneous effusions of the finer affectionate feelings
attending the conjugal and parental relations, they are offered as naturally
connected with the important and pleasing subjects of the last two numbers.

288
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
“Ye flying winds, go, tell the nymph most dear
To my fond heart, ye saw the rising tear,
Whilst her loved image pressed on Fancy's eye,
And her sweet prattling babes were smiling by :
Demcea and George, with all their opening charms,
And playful Mira circled in her arms.
Angels, who watch o'er human bliss, draw near,
Make her and her dear babes your constant care!
Ye skies, whose favours nourish every clime,
Strew thick your flowers o'er all their path in time!
And HE whose gifts instreams eternal run,
Bless their whole life with one unclouded sun'
Give to each day, each night, each hour, to roll
With every joy to charm the human soul, - - -
Inspired with blissful Hope—that never dies; -
Bright Hope for ever pointing to the skies.” ---


to NJUGAL PRECEPTS.
[Translated from Plutarch.]
Be these wise laws your study and delight;
Read them by day, and meditate by night.
THE ancients always placed together the statues of Venus
and Mercury, to signify that the pleasures of matrimony
consisted chiefly in sweetness of conversation: they joined
also the Graces, and Sedula, the goddess of eloquence, to
intimate that the married couple were to act only by per-
suasion, and to forbear the impetuosities of tyranny and con-
tention. -
It very much behooves those who are newly married, to
avoid the first occasions of discord and dissension; they
should consider that vessels, when just made, are liable to
be bruised and thrown out of shape by slight accidents; but
when once settled and hardened by time, they will endure
the severest shocks.
Those who rather choose to be the mistresses of sense.
less cuckolds, than the obedient wives of discreet and sober
husbands, resemble those persons who choose rather to
follow the directions of a purblind and ignorant guide than
of one that sees clearly and knows every step of the way.
They will not believe that Pasiphae, the consort of a prince,
could ever be enamoured of a bull; and yet they abandon
the society of their own husbands, men of wisdom, temper-
ance, and gravity, and fly to the embraces of riot and de-
bauchery. º -
Some men, when they are about to ride, being unable
through infirmity, or unwilling through laziness, to mount
into their saddles, teach their horses to fall upon their knees,

25
290 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and receive their riders in that posture. In like manner,
there are some men, who, having married young ladies, not
less considerable for their birth than their fortune, take little
care to improve the advantages of such a splendid conjunc-
tion, but endeavour to degrade their wives to the condition
of slaves, and glory in domestic tyranny. But it is more
becoming a man to use the reins of government with the
same regard to the quality and dignity of the woman, as to
the stature of the horse.
A woman ought to display the charms of her virtue, and
the sweetness of her disposition, in her husband's presence;
but to retire, in his absence, to silence and reservedness at
home.
If kissing and caressing in the sight of others be so un-
seemly, (as it really is,) how much more indecent is it to
rail and scold at each other in the company of strangers?
If lawful familiarity between man and wife is not to be al-
lowed but in their retirements, can the bitter interchanges of
inconsiderate passion be thought an entertainment proper for
an audience no way concerned in them?
Helen was covetous, Paris luxurious; on the contrary,
Ulysses was prudent, Penelope chaste : happy, therefore,
were the nuptials of the latter, but those of the former
brought a series of miseries both upon the Trojans and the
Greeks.
King Philip was so passionately fond of a fair Thessalian
lady, that his queen Olympias suspected she used some pri.
vate arts of fascination; and therefore endeavoured to get
the supposed sorceress into her power. But when she had
viewed her well, examined her beauty, beheld the graces of
her deportment, and found by her discourse that she was a
person of noble descent and education; hence vain suspicions,
hence vainer calumnies, said she to her; for I find that the
charms you make use of are in your own power: certainly
therefore a lawful wife surpasses the common qualifications
for obtaining happiness; without the advantages of her


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 291
person, or her birth, she makes it her whole study to
win her husband's affections by her virtue and sweetness of
disposition.
That is ornament which adorns; and that adorns a wo-
man which renders her most deserving : an honour confer-
red upon her, not by the lustre of gold, or emeralds, or dia-
monds, but by the real embellishments of gravity, discretion,
humility, and modesty. -
Women who honour and submit to their husbands, pro-
cure honour and respect to themselves; but when they strive
to get the mastery, they become a reproach not only to
themselves, but to those who are so ignominiously hen-
pecked. However, it behooves a husband to control his
wife, not as a master does his vassal, but as the soul go-
verns the body, with the gentle hand of mutual friendship
and reciprocal affection. For as the soul commands the
body, without being subject to its pleasures and inordinate
desires, in like manner a man should so exercise his autho-
rity over his wife, as to soften it with complaisance and kind
requital for her affectionate submission.
Prudent wives, when their husbands rant and foam in the
heat of passion, should not exasperate them by opposition,
but check their own loquacity: if indeed they grumble out
their discontents in a sulky humour, they may then try by
soothing language and persuasive arguments to calm their
passions, and rectify their errors. -
Sallies of passionate anger and keen reproaches should
be banished from the household of the nuptial dwelling.
Though a certain kind of austerity becomes the mistress of
a family, yet it should be like the sharpness of wine, profit-
able and delightful; not like that of aloes, biting and un-
grateful to the palate.
As the husband ought to sympathize in the joys and sor-
rows of the wife, so it is equally the duty of the wife to be
sensible of the pleasures and anxieties of the husband; for,
as knots are fastened by knitting the bows of a thread to.


292 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
gether, so the ligaments of conjugal society may be strength-
ened by the mutual interchange of kindness and affection.
Community of possessions is chiefly requisite among mar-
ried couples, who should endeavour to mix and incorporate
their purchases and disbursements into one substance, nei-
ther of them pretending to claim a right to particular ex-
penses, but counting all inseparably peculiar to both.
As a looking-glass, though set in a frame of gold, enriched
with the most sparkling gems, is entirely useless, if it does
not give back the exact similitude of the image it receives;
so a wealthy portion ceases to be profitable, if the condi-
tions, the temper, the humour of the wife, are not conforma-
ble to the natural disposition of the husband, and if he does
not see the virtues of his own mind represented in hers.
Plato, when he observed the moroseness of Zemocrates,
who was otherwise a person of great virtue and integrity,
admonished him to sacrifice to the graces. In like manner,
I am of opinion, that it behooves a woman of moderation
to implore the assistance of the graces in her behaviour to-
wards her husband, in order to make their society recipro-
cally harmonious, and to preserve her from being waspishly
proud from an extravagant opinion of her fidelity and virtue.
It becomes not a frugal woman to be negligent of a de-
cent neatness; nor out of awful respect to her husband, to
refrain from complacency in conversation. As the rigid
disposition renders her honesty irksome, so her housewifery
becomes unpleasing by sluttishness.
Phidias made the statue of Venus at Elis with one foot
upon a tortoise, to signify two great duties of a virtuous
woman, viz: to stay at home, and be silent.
The orator Gorgias in a full assembly of the Grecians,
who resorted from all parts to the Olympic games, exhorting
them to live in peace, unity, and concord with each other ;
Melanthias cried out, This man, who pretends to give us
advice, and preaches in public nothing but the love of union,
is not able in his own family to keep his wife and his maid

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 293
from being together perpetually by the ears, and yet there
are only three persons in the house. Gorgias, it seems, had
a kindness for his servant, which made her mistress jealous.
It therefore behooves that man to keep his family in exqui-
site order, who will undertake to regulate the conduct of his
friends or the public.
25* - - -

ON COMPULSORY L.Aws RESPECTING MARRIAGE ; WPTH THE
STORY OF AN UNFORTUNATE SEPARATION AT ROM E.
Wealth and power, what are you worth,
To pleasure if you give not birth 7 - Cob B.
HEAVEN bestowed upon man the finer feelings of the
soul, with a view to augment his happiness, and to render
his situation in life the more pleasant; yet, in consequence
of those erroneous notions which refinements in society en-
gender, these very feelings are the cause of the greatest
distresses to which human nature is subjected. To such a
weak and fallible creature as man, the sympathetic endear-
ments arising from reciprocal affections are necessary, be-
fore his mind can experience the highest degree of gratifi-
cation of which it is susceptible. In times of distress, he
seeks for some sympathetic bosom that shall take pleasure
in administering the balm of comfort; and when the heart
exults with joy, it feels a dreary want until it can find some
one who will participate with him in that peculiar bliss.
Every emotion of the heart proves that man was not made
to be alone; and that if ever he hopes to attain to happi-
ness, it can never be found in solititude, far less in the com-
pany of those whose dispositions, desires, and modes of
thinking, are not of a nature congenial to his own.
These are truths that will readily be admitted by every
one who is young and unhacknied in the ways of men;
but as age approaches, these sympathetic affections seem to
subside : the pleasures of social intercourse diminish ;
and the love of wealth and power acquire dominion in
their stead. Aged persons, in general greedy of power,



TOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 295
and callous to the impulses of kindness, imagine that wealth
.Or grandeur alone are sufficient to gratify every desire of
the soul. Forgetting their own rule for judging whilst
young, they wish to deprive others of the same privilege
they valued once so highly themselves; and thus are led
to dictate, with the most inflexible authority, to their chil-
dren, as to the choice of a companion for life; the most mo-
mentous transaction in which any man can ever be en-
gaged.
Nor is this propensity confined to one country, or to one
set of people on the globe; but it extends its influence, to a
greater or less degree, to all nations that can assume to
themselves the proud name of civilized. Among such peo-
ple, laws have ever been contrived, which, by a stern in-
flexibility, overpower the voice of nature, and make man
submit to her imperious decrees. The following affecting
story evinces the truth of these remarks. Would to Heaven
it were in the regions of despotism alone, that such transac-
stions were to be found !
“In this capital (Rome) we have just now witnessed an
event which has drawn tears from every body here. It is
five years since a young gentleman of the family of Ame.
dei married an amiable and virtuous young woman he loved,
but whose birth was not equal to his. At the end of one
year, they had a daughter as the fruit of their love; but
this tender union was, in a short time, cruelly disturbed by
the parents and relations of the gentleman, who exclaimed
against his marriage as clandestine, and obtained against the -
unhappy young man an order of the Pope, by virtue of
which they tore him from the arms of his spouse, and con-
ducted him a prisoner to the castle of St. Angelo. A pro-
cess was immediately instituted for annulling the marriage.
The gentleman tried every means possible, to prove that
his marriage was valid, and to make it be ratified; his wife
went also with her daughter in her arms, and threw her.
Self at the feet of her judges; but in vain. A sentence was



296 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS-PORTRAYED.
at last pronounced, annulling the marriage, obliging the
mother, that inconsolable wife, to write to her husband with
her own hand, the fatal news of their eternal separation.
Oppressed with the most cruel despair, she thus wrote to
him : “I find myself under the cruel necessity of renouncing
those sweet and sacred bands which till now have held our
hearts firmly united; but I resign myself with less repug-
nance, from the consideration, that it will be the means of
terminating that long and severe captivity which you have
suffered for my sake. Live free, DEAR HUSBAND, (this,
alas! is the last time that my lips will pronounce so sweet a
name,) Olive and, if it be possible, live happy, far from
me. Since you love the mother, remember the daughter
which she has given to you, and take care of her, when
you know I no longer exist; for the grief which this separa-
tion causes to me is so bitter, so penetrating, and absorbs
in such a manner the faculties of my soul, that I want
strength to resist it. Very soon shall I cease to live; may
my death satiate the inhumanity of our cruel persecutors!
God bless you. Farewell! farewell !—for ever !’
“Four days afterwards, that unhappy and tender wife
died in horrible convulsiont ; and her death set the gentle-
man at liberty, whose despair has not yet been calmed.”

-
A LETTER FROM A YOUNG LADY, witH A DESCRIPTION OF
THE MAID’s HUSBAND.
SIR,
YoU must know, that with a tolerable person, a very
good fortune, and lovers in abundance, I have a particular
humour to live and die a maid. This way of thinking, I
. protest, does not arise from disappointed love; but, on the
contrary, from my never having seen any one man, who
has been possessed of those accomplishments which I think
necessary for a husband.
I proceed now to give you a description of one, whom,
notwithstanding my present humour, I would willingly mar-
ry, and reward with a fortune of ten thousand pounds. To
silence the pretensions of those, who may suppose that I am
easily to be carried off, here follows the description of the
only man in the world that I will consent to marry; and
whom I shall beg leave to entitle
The Maid's Husband.
He must have a person graceful and engaging. The
features of his face must be regular; and, though regular,
agreeable; which, as yet, I hardly remember to have seen,
having generally observed, that where nature is most exact,
she is least engaging. His eyes must be lively, sparkling,
and affecting; and over the whole face there must be a
-
-


298 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
clear complexion, health, cheerfulness, and sensibility. His
stature must be inclining to the tall; his motion easy and
genteel, free from the short, pert trip of the affected beau, or
the haughty tragic step of the most solemn fop. His be-
haviour serious, but natural ; neither too open, nor too re-
served. His look, his laugh, his speech, and his whole man-
ner, must be just without affectation, and free without levity.
Thus much for his person. I now come to the endow.
ments of his mind; without which, grace, beauty, and agreea-
bleness must avail him nothing. His genius must be fanci-
ful; his knowledge, extensive. Men, as well as books, must
be his study. Learning, freedom, and gallantry, must be
so blended in him, as to make him always the improving
friend, the gay companion, and the entertaining lover. In
conversation he must say nothing with study, nor yet any
thing at random. His thoughts must flow from him natu-
rally, yet not without that delicacy of expression, which is
necessary to give them a genteel turn. To the talents of
his mind let me add (if I may be allowed the distinction)
the qualities of his soul. He must be generous without
prodigality; humane without weakness; just without seve-
rity, and fond without folly. To his wife he must be endear-
ing; to his children affectionate ; to his friends warm; and
to mankind benevolent. Nature and reason must join their
powers, and to the openness of the heart add the virtue of
economy: making him careful without avarice, and giving
him a kind of unconcernedness without negligence. With
love he must have respect; and by a continued compliance
always win upon the inclination. He must take care to re-
tain his conquest by the means he gained it, and eternally
look and speak with the same desires and affections, though
with greater freedom.
It has been observed by experienced people, that the
soul contracts a sort of blindness by loving ; but the
man I am speaking of must derive his sentiments from
reason; and the passion, which in others is looked


i)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEB. 299
on as the mark of folly, be in him the true effect of judg-
Iment.
To these qualities I must add that charm, which is to
be considered before all the rest, though hard to be met
with in this libertine age, religion. He must be devout
without superstition, and pious without melancholy : far from
that infirmity, which makes men uncharitable bigots, in
fusing into their hearts a morose contempt of the world, and
an antipathy even to its innocent pleasures. He must not
be such a lover of society as to mix with the assemblies
of knaves and blockheads, nor yet of an opinion that he
ought to retire from mankind to seek God in the horror of
solitude; on the contrary, he must think that the AL-
MIGHTY is to be found among men, where his goodness
is most active, and providence most employed. There
it is that religion must enlighten, and reason regulate
his conduct, both in the cares of salvation, and the duties
of life.
With such a man a woman must enjoy those plea-
sures in marriage, which none but fools would ridicule.
Her husband would always be the same, and always
pleasing. Other wives are glad, if they can now and
then find with their husbands one agreeable hour; but
with this a disagreeable minute will be impossible. On
whatever occasions we should see or speak to each other,



it must be with mutual pleasure and assured satisfac-
tion. -
Now, sir, let your dressing, scribbling, handsome young
fellows, whether of town or country, of the law, of trade,
or of whatever honourable vocation, who would be glad
of a woman of five and twenty, not disagreeable in her
person, and with ten thousand pounds in her pocket, read
this character; and if any of them will assert and prove
it to belong to himself, my heart, hand, and fortune are
at his service. But I believe, sir, that instead of a man, I
have been describing a monster of the imagination; a thing
300 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
that neither is, was, nor ever will be: I am therefore re-
signed to my condition; and can think, without repining, of
dying a maid, (and I hope an old one,) since I am not to
expect a husband to the wishes of, sir, your humble servant
and correspondent, A. B.


VIRTUE TRIED AND TRIUMPHANT, IN THE STORIES OF
SCIPIO AND - A MAN DA.
"o 3's?; rà rappoy ºr ºperhv r 300w pºs,
ZnAwaróg «věpárougly.
EURIPIDEs.
º
* **,
That love alone, which virtue's laws control,
Deserves reception in the human soul.
THE two following relations (one of them of ancient, the
other of modern date) afford an instructive example in each
sex, and in the opposite extremes of life, of virtue triumphing
over strong temptation. They powerfully recommend that
purity of disposition, that superiority to vicious allurement,
which commands universal respect; and without which, the
gay and inexperienced seek in vain for happiness from un-
hallowed gratifications. - - -
The instance of the Roman general, will show young
men how great a conqueror appears in governing that
little empire, man. And, whilst it tends to repress every
wanton appetite, it may serve to inspire those chaste and
respectful sentiments toward the female sex, which alone
will insure the sweets of “friendship” with woman, “ softened
into love.” ---
The story of Amanda will confirm my female readers in
their resolution to guard their virtue with more than vestal
constancy; and will exhibit poverty with an unstained soul,
as infinitely preferable to the most splendid allurements of
vice. It will discover the additional charms, reflected upon
the person of the virtuous fair, even in the eye of the man of


26
302 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
º
pleasure, whilst she rejects his solicitations. It may cott-
vince unprincipled men, of the baseness and eruelty of
stabbing the peace of humble or depressed families, by al.
luring from the path of honour their hitherto innocent child.
ren; or may prove a stronger security to such against their
golden snares.
1. SCIPIo the younger, when only twenty-four years of
age, was appointed by the Roman republic to the command
of the army against the Spaniards. His wisdom and valour
would have done honour to the most experienced general.
Determined to strike an important blow, he formed a design
of besieging Carthagena, then the capital of the Carthaginian
empire in Spain. His measures were so judiciously con-
certed, and with so much courage and intrepidity pursued,
both by sea and land, that notwithstanding a bold and vigor-
ous defence, the capital was taken by storm. The plunder
was immense. Ten thousand freemen were made pri-
soners; and above three hundred more, of both sexes, were:
received as hostages. One of the latter, a very ancient lady
of rank, the wife of Mandonius, watching her opportunity,
came out of the crowd, and throwing herself at the con-
queror's feet, conjured him, with tears in her eyes, to recom.
mend to those who had the ladies in their keeping, to have
regard to their sex and birth. -
Scipio, who did not understand her meaning at first, as:
sured her, that he had given orders that they should not
want for any thing. But the lady replied, “These con-
veniences are not what affect us. In the condition to which
fortune hath reduced us, with what ought we not to be con-
tented! I have many other apprehensions, when I consider,
on one side the licentiousness of war, and, on the other, the
youth and beauty of the princesses whom you see here be.
fore us; for as for me, my age protects me from all fear in
this respect.” She had with her the daughters of Indibilis,
and several other ladies of high rank, all in the flower of
youth, who considered her as their mother.


JDOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEL). 303
Scipio then comprehending what the subject of her fear
was, “My own glory, (says he,) and that of the Roman
people are concerned, in not suffering that virtue, which
ought always to be respected wherever we find it, should
be exposed in my camp to a treatment unworthy of it. But
you give me a new motive for being more strict in my care of
it, in the virtuous solicitude you show in thinking only of the
preservation of your honour, in the midst of so many other
objects of fear.”
After this conversation, he committed the care of the la-
dies to some officers of experienced prudence, strictly com-
manding, that they should treat them with all the respect
*hey could pay to the mothers, wives, and daughters, of their
allies and particular friends.
It was not long before Scipio's integrity and virtue were
put to the trial. Being retired in his camp, some of his of:
ficers brought him a young virgin of such exquisite beauty,
that she drew upon her the eyes and admiration of every
body. The young conqueror started from his seat with
confusion and surprise; and, like one thunderstruck, seemed
to be robbed of that presence of mind and self-possession
so necessary in a general, and for which Scipio was re-
markably famous. In a few moments, having rallied his
straggling spirits, he inquired of the beautiful captive, in the
most civil and polite manner, concerning her country, birth,
and connexions; and finding that she was contracted to a Cel.
fiberian prince, named Allucius, he ordered both him and the
captive's parents to be sent for. -
The Spanish prince no sooner appeared in his presence,
than, even before he spoke to the father and mother, he took
him aside; and to remove the anxiety he might be in on ac-
count of the young lady, he addressed him in these words :
“You and I are young, which admits of my speaking to
you with more liberty. Those who brought me your fu-
ture spouse, assured me, at the same time, that you loved her
with extreme tenderness: and her beauty left no room to

304 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED).
doubt it. Upon which reflecting, that if, like you, I had
thought on making an engagement, and were not wholly
engrossed with the affairs of my country, I should desire
that so honourable and legitimate a passion should find fa-
your ; I think myself happy in the present conjuncture to
do you this service. Though the fortune of war has made
me your master, I desire to be your friend. Here is your
wife : take her, and may the gods bless you with her. One
thing however, I would have you be fully assured of, that
she has been amongst us, as she would have been in the
house of her father and mother. Far be it from Scipio to
purchase a loose and momentary pleasure, at the eaſpense of
virtue, honour, and the happiness of an honest man. No :
I have kept her for you, in order to make you a present
worthy of you and of me. The only gratitude I require of
you for this inestimable gift, is, that you would be a friend
of the Roman people.”
Allucius' heart was too full to make him any answer :
but throwing himself at the general’s feet, he wept aloud.
The captive fell into the same posture, and remained so,
till the father burst out into the following words: “O, di-
vine Scipio ! the gods have given you more than human
virtue ! O, glorious leader! [O, wond’rous youth ! does
hot that obliged virgin give you, whilst she prays to the
gods for your prosperity, rapture above all the transports
you could have reaped from the possession of her injured
person?” The relations of the young lady had brought
with them a very considerable sum for her ransom ; but
when they saw that she was restored to them in so generous
and godlike a manner, they entreated the conqueror, with
great earnestness, to accept that sum as a present; and de-
clared, by his complying, that new favour would complete
their joy and gratitude. Scipio, not being able to resist such
warm and earnest solicitations, told them that he accepted
the gift, and ordered it to be laid at his feet: then address-
ing himself to Allucius, “I add,” says he, “to the portion

750MESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 3{}5
which you are to receive from your father-in-law, this sum,
which I desire you to accept as a marriage present.
If we consider that Scipio was at this in the prime of life,
unmarried, and under no restraint, we cannot but acknow-
ledge, that the conquest he made of himself was far more
glorious than that of the Carthaginian empire : and though
his treatment of this captive prince was not more delicate
and generous than what might justly be expected from a
person endowed with reason and reflection, yet, consider-
ing how few there are in his circumstances who have acted
as he did, we cannot but applaud his conduct, and propose
him as a suitable example to future ages.
Nor was his virtue unrewarded. The young prince,
charmed with the liberality and politeness of Scipio, went
into his country to publish the praises of so generous a vic-
tor. He cried out in the transports of his gratitude, “That
there was come into Spain a young hero like the gods,
who conquered all things less by the force of his arms, than
the charms of his virtue, and the greatness of his benefi-
cence.” Upon this report all Celtiberia submitted to the
Romans; and Allucius returned in a shout to Scipio, at the
head of fourteen hundred chosen horse, to facilitate his fu-
ture conquests. To render the marks of his gratitude still
more durable, Allucius caused the action we have just rela-
ted to be engraven on a silver shield, which he presented to
Scipio; a present infinitely more estimable and glorious
than all his treasures and triumphs. This buckler, which
Scipio carried with him when he returned to Rome, was
jost, in passing the Rhone, with part of the baggage. It
continued in that river till the year 1665, when some fisher-
men found it. It was lately in the royal cabinet of France.
-
2. An eminent citizen, who had lived in good fashion and
credit, was, by a train of accidents, and by an unavoidable
perplexity in his affairs, reduced to a low condition. There
is a modesty usually attending faultless poverty, which
made him rather choose to reduce his manner of living to

26* -
306 r)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
his present circumstances, than solicit his friends, in order
to support the show of an estate when the substance was
gone. His wife, who was a woman of sense and virtue,
behaved herself on this occasion with uncommon decency,
and never appeared so amiable in his eyes as now. In-
stead of upbraiding him with the ample fortune she had
brought, or the many great offers she had refused for his sake,
she redoubled all the instances of her affection, whilst her hus-
band was continually pouring out his heart to her in com-
plaints, that he had ruined the best woman in the world.
He sometimes came home at a time when she did not expect
him, and surprised her in tears, which she endeavoured to
conceal, and always put on an air of cheerfulness to receive
him. To lessen their expense, their eldest daughter (whom
I shall call Amanda) was sent into the country to the house
of an honest farmer, who had married a servant of the fa-
mily. This young woman was apprehensive of the ruin
which was approaching, and had privately engaged a friend.”
in the neighbourhood to give her an account of what passed
from time to time in her father’s affairs. Amanda was in
the bloom of her youth and beauty, when the lord of the
manor, who often called in at the farmer's house as he fol-
lowed his country sports, fell passionately in love with her.
He was a man of great generosity, but from a loose educa-
tion had contracted a hearty aversion to marriage. He
#erefore entertained a design upon Amanda's virtue, which
at present he thought fit to keep private. The innocent
ereature, who never suspected his intentions, was pleased
with his person ; and, having observed his growing passion
for her, hoped, by so advantageous a match, she might
quickly be in a capacity of supporting her impoverished re-
lations. One day, as he called to see her, he found her in
tears over a letter she had just received from her friend,
which gave an account that her father had lately been strip-
ped of every thing by an execution. The lover, who, with

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 307
some difficulty, found out the cause of her grief, took this
occasion to make her a proposal. It is impossible to ex-
press Amanda's confusion, when she found his pretensions
were not honourable. She was now deserted of all her
hopes, and had no power to speak; but rushing from him in
the utmost disturbance, locked herself up in her chamber.
He immediately despatched a messenger to her father with
the following letter:
SIR,
I have heard of your misfortune, and have offered your
daughter, if she will live with me, to settle on her four hun-
dred pounds a year, and to lay down the sum for which
you are now distressed. I will be so ingenuous as to tell
you, that I do not intend marriage : but if you are wise, you
will use your authority with her not to be too nice, when
she has an opportunity of saving you and your family, and
of making herself happy,
I am, &c.
This letter came to the hands of Amanda’s mother: she
opened and read it with the greatest surprise and concern.
She did not think it proper to explain herself to the messen-
ger, but desiring him to call again the next morning, she
wrote to her daughter as follows:
DEAREST CHILD,
Your father and I have just received a letter from a gen-
tleman who pretends love to you, with a proposal that in-
sults our misfortunes, and would throw us into a lower de-
gree of misery than anything which is come upon us. How
could this barbarous man think that the tenderest of pa-
rents would be tempted to supply their want by giving up
the best of children to infamy and ruin It is a mean and
cruel artifice, to make this proposal, at a time when he
thinks our necessities must compel to any thing; but we

308 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
will not eat the bread of shame ; and therefore we charge
thee not to think of us, but to avoid the snare which is laid
for thy virtue. Beware of pitying us : it is not so bad as
you have perhaps been told. All things will yet be well,
and I shall write my child better news.
I have been interrupted. I know not how I was moved
to say things would mend. As I was going on, I was startled
by the noise of one that knocked at the door, and hath
brought us an unexpected supply of a debt which had long
been owing. O ! I will now tell thee all. It is some days
I have lived almost without support, having conveyed what
little money I could raise to your poor father. Thou wilt
weep to think where he is, yet be assured he will soon be set
at liberty. That cruel letter would have broken his heart,
but I have concealed it from him. I have no companion at
present, besides little Fanny, who stands watching my looks
as I write, and is crying for her sister : she says she is sure
you are not well, having discovered that my present trouble
is about you. But do not think I would thus repeat my
sorrows to grieve thee: no, it is to entreat thee not to make
them insupportable, by adding what would be worse than all.
Let us bear cheerfully an affliction which we have not
brought on ourselves, and remember there is a power who
can deliver us of it, without the loss of thy innocence,
Heaven preserve my dear child.
Thy affectionate mother,
The messenger, notwithstanding he promised to deliver
this letter to Amanda, carried it first to his master, who,
he imagined, would be glad to have an opportunity of
giving it into her hands himself. His master was impa-
tient to know the success of his proposal, and therefore
broke open the letter privately to see the contents. He
was not a little moved at so true a picture of virtue in
distress; but at the same time was infinitely surprised to



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 309;
find his offers rejected. However, he resolved not to sup-
press the letter, but carefully sealed it up again, and carried
it to Amanda. All his endeavours to see her were in vain,
till she was assured he brought a letter from her mother.
He would not part with it but upon condition that she should
read it without leaving the room. While she was perusing
it, he fixed his eyes on her face with the deepest attention:
her concern gave a new softness to her beauty, and when
she burst into tears, he could no longer refrain from bearing
a part in her sorrow, and telling her that he too had read
the letter, and was resolved to make reparation for having
been the occasion of it. My readers will not be displeased
to see the second epistle which he now wrote to Amanda's
mother.
- ---
-------
- sº -
MADAM,
I am full of shame, and will never forgive myself, if I
have not your pardon for what I lately wrote. It was far
from my intention to add trouble to the afflicted; nor could
any thing, but my being a stranger to you, have betrayed
me into a fault, for which, if I live, I shall endeavour to
make you amends. You cannot be unhappy while Amanda
is your daughter; nor shall be, if any thing can prevent it
which is in the power of, madam,
Your most obedient,
- humble servant,
º -
This letter he sent by his steward, and soon after went
up to town himself, to complete the generous act he had
now resolved on. By his friendship and assistance Amanda's
father was quickly in a condition of retrieving his perplexed
affairs. To conclude, he married Amanda, and enjoyed the
double satisfaction of having restored a worthy family to
their former prosperity, and of making himself happy by an
alliance to their virtues, - -

CAUTION TO YOUNG LADIES, ESPECIALLY YOUNG HEIRESSES :
OR, THE ILL EFFECTS OF FORMING IMPRUDENT connexions,
EXEMPLIFIED IN THE STORY OF HARRIET DARNLY.
Those awful words, “till death do part 1"
May well alarm the youthful heart:
No after thought when once a wife:
The die is cast, and cast for life;
Yet thousands venture every day,
As some base passion leads the way.
Pert Sylvia talks of wedlock scenes,
Though hardly entered on her teens,
Smiles on her whining spark, and hears
The sugared speech with raptured ears;
Impatient of a parent's rule,
She leaves her sire, and weds a fool.
|- Want enters at the guardless door,
And love is fled, to come no more.
DR. Cotton’s Vision.
Of all the ensnaring passions to which our hearts are
apt to give way, the passion of love is one of the most dan-
gerous, and therefore ought to be carefully guarded against;
as on the prudent choice we make, depends the happiness or
misery of our future lives. To form an engagement at a
very early age, is to run a very great hazard of meeting a
disappointment. To carry on a clandestine acquaintance
with any one, however superior in birth or fortune, is to
degrade our character, and to render our virtue suspected,
If any man makes professions of love to a young woman,
and endeavours to prevail upon her to conceal it from her
parents, she may depend upon his professions not being sin:
cere, and that he has some bad design, which he fears the
eye of experience will discover, and, by so doing, defeat his



DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 311
dishonourable purpose. If the inclinations are mutual, and
situations equal, secrecy cannot be necessary; if, on the
contrary, any impediments to a union appear, sufficient to
prevent its being brought about with the mutual consent of
friends, it can answer no other purpose than to entail misery
on the youthful parties, by continuing a connexion which
must end in disappointment and wretchedness. Never, then,
my fair readers, listen to the secret tale : attend not to the
delusive flatterer, who would by this insinuating address pre-
Vail upon you to sacrifice your duty to the gratification of
his love, vanity, or designs: and be assured, the man who
Would wish you to be a disobedient daughter, has not the proper
value for you which he pretends. And what reason has
such a one to suppose that the woman, who would give up
her first of moral duties, would not as easily be prevailed
upon to depart from every other ? At least he would have
just reason to suspect that an undutiful and ungrateful daugh-
ter would never make an obedient and faithful wife.
To see the ill effects of forming imprudent connexions, we
need not look far into the world: and it is not to be doubted,
but many unhappy marriages owe their greatest miseries to
the unguarded conduct of the parties previous to their being
united. For, however the lover may flatter, and pretend to
admire the frankness and generosity of his mistress, for com-
plying with any improper requests; however grateful he
may appear for her running the hazard of disobliging her
parents or friends, she may depend on being afterwards re-
proached by the husband, for the very conduct which was
praised by the lover. Too often the source of matrimonial
discord originates from this cause. Then will their own
hearts, in the utmost bitterness of anguish, more keenly feel
these reproaches; because their conscience will inform
them they are but too justly deserved. -
Until you, my fair readers, know a little of the world,
dare not to listen to the tongue of the flatterer. Be not de.





312 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
sirous of being thought to have made captives, lest you
yourselves become the slave; guard your heart with cau.
tion against the delusive voice of love; nor suffer your af.
fections to be engaged, till you are convinced the object of
your choice is worthy to possess the undivided heart of a
prudent and virtuous young woman. If you should by
chance meet with an agreeable youth, who you think will
captivate your heart, in spite of your utmost endeavours to
detain the unguarded fugitive; if you are not well convinced,
by the honour of his conduct, you have been as arrant a
thief as your lover, banish him for ever from your misguided
imagination. It is easy to conquer a disease in its begin.
ning; but if we permit it to gain strength, before we attempt
its cure, the best advice and most powerful remedies may
ſail to effect its removal.
It is an unfortunate and a mistaken notion, which many.
- young people cherish, that if they marry the first object of
their tender affection, they must be happy. Alas ! happi-
ness depends on so many concurrent circumstances, that,
believe me, the utmost prudence will not at all times secure
the prize. The passion of love must be reciprocal, or it
cannot produce happiness; and, even then, modesty, good
sense, sensibility, and judgment, are requisite on both sides,
to insure it for any length of time. Friends must give their
unreluctant consent, and circumstances must be easy, to
render the married life a scene of harmony and content-
ment: for, however the ridiculous and romantic notions, to
be found in many of our modern novels, may serve to mis-
lead the mind, and involve it in a labyrinth of error, be as-
sured, love and poverty seldom agree ; nor are scenes of
fashionable dissipation more congenial to love. A compe-
tence is as necessary to our happiness as virtue and pru-
dence to our peace of mind, when we retire into ourselves,
in order to examine our own hearts. How often have
we known the fond lover, who fled with such eagerness
to Gretna Green to secure the Prize he pretended to
º














DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 3.13
adore, soon after his return, prove a careless, unkind, and
inconstant husband; whilst his equally misguided and im-
prudent companion has, in the strictest sense of the word,
proved herself a modern wife
Many sad tragedies has love produced in the world from
many different and sad causes. The following story will
more strikingly illustrate my present subject than any far-
ther arguments which I could use. May it have its due
weight, and the miseries occasioned by the errors of the
parties prevent any one from daring to follow their exam-
ples |
Harriet Darnly was the daughter of a reputable mercer,
who lived in London, and who had a numerous family.
Unfortunately for Harriet, who was a very lovely, but a
very vain and weak girl, she had two thousand pounds left
her by an uncle, which was to be hers when she arrived
at the age of twenty-one. Mr. Darnly had, at the time
this legacy was left Harriet, an apprentice of the name of
Henley. This young man, who had every advantage of
figure to captivate, was tired of the drudgery of the shop,
and heartily weary of confinement. He had long wished
to purchase a commission in the army. Harriet beheld Ed-
ward Henley, unknown to her parents, with tender partiality,
and had given every encouragement to his hopes. The at-
tentions which his vanity, more than his affection, had led
him to pay her, unhappily obtained her love. She would
take every opportunity of sitting in the shop, and gave him
every reason to suppose that an offer of his heart would
not be unacceptable. - -
No sooner was it known that Harriet's uncle had left her
so considerable a legacy, than he took the earliest opportu-
nity of making a declaration of his passion. The unguarded
fair one too easily discovered to her artful lover the pro-
gress he had already made in gaining her affections; and
knowing that Mr. Darnly had, with too much reason, been
offended with his careless inattention to business, prevailed
- 27 - -




314 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYE 0.
upon the unhappy girl not to disclose to any one the con-
quest she had made, till, by the regularity and steadiness of
his future conduct, he had effected a perfect reconciliation
with her father, and persuaded his own to make proper pro-
posals.
Engaged in a clandestine acquaintance with one equally
gay as worthless, Harriet was led from one step of impru-
dence to another, and granted her lover such frequent in-
terviews, that to marry was become absolutely necessary.
To Gretna-Green they went : the lady wanted only a few
weeks of being of age. As soon as she was so, her profli-
gate husband demanded her fortune, bought a commission,
and, when he had spent what remained, by his regiment
being ordered abroad, left his wife and child, which, at his
departure, was only two months old, to all the horrors of
unprotected misery and threatened poverty.
Mr. Darnly, at the interposition of some friends, was,
with some difficulty, prevailed upon to permit his once dar-
ling daughter to return to her paternal home, and to receive
her with some degree of affection; but as neither he nor
her mother could ever bring themselves entirely to forget
the deceit she practised with them to her own undoing, and
as her brothers and sisters now looked upon her with an
eye of jealous envy, she is frequently obliged to bear re-
proaches, which her own heart, conscious of having but too
well deserved them, knows not how to. support. Whilst
she sees her sisters easy, gay, and happy, her brothers
cheerful and content, she feels the misery of her own situ-
ation with redoubled anguish; and when she looks on her
little girl, often trembles lest she, like herself, should fall a
victim to her own imprudence. -
The worthless cause of her having strayed from the paths
of prudence, and disregarded the calls of duty, lives abroad
on the income of that fortune which was given to make her
happy, and never had the humanity to send her a single line,





DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 315
-
or to make any inquiries after the poor victim of his base-
IlêSS.
Be warned, fair daughters of innocence, by the wretched
Harriet. Attempt not to deceive your parents. Let her
example prevail upon you to believe, the most flattering ap-
pearances may conceal depravity, and that the protestations
of a clandestine lover are seldom meant but to betray.

oN THE SNARES OF PERSONAL BEAUTY, AND THE NECESSITY
OF CULTIVATING MENTAL EXCELLENCE.
What whispers must the beauty bear!
What hourly nonsense haunts her ear!
Where'er her eyes dispense their charms, *
Impertinence around her swarms.
Did not the tender nonsense strike,
Contempt and scorn might look dislike;
Forbidding airs might thin the place;
The slightest flap a fly can chase.
In beauty faults conspicuous grow;
The smallest speck is seen on snow. GAY.
BEAUTY is a captivating, but fading flower, which often
leads its youthful possessors into many dangers, many dis-
tresses. Happy is it for those who are distinguished for
their outward charms, that they are sheltered under the pa.
rental roof! Happy for them that the watchful eye regards
them with rigid circumspection. Few, in the early periods
of life, are insensible to flattery, or deaf to the voice of
adulation. Beware of the flatterer: be not deceived by
fair speeches. Be assured, the man who wishes to render
you vain of your outward charms, has a mean opinion of .
your sense and mental qualifications. Remember, too, that
a young girl, vain of her beauty, and whose chief study
and employment is the decoration of her person, is a most
contemptible character; and that the more you are distin-
guished for the charms of your face and the graces of your
form, the more you are exposed to censure and to danger.
The rose is torn from its parent stem in all its pride and
beauty; the jessamine is scarcely permitted to blossom be-

DoMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED. 317
fore it is plucked; and no sooner are their beauties faded,
than the merciless hand which was eager to obtain them
throws them away with contempt; whilst the primrose, the
humble violet, the lily of the valley, and the snow-drop,
less exposed to observation, escape unhurt and uninjured by
the spoiler's hand.
Learn, fair daughters of beauty, from the lily, to court the
friendly shade; and from the primrose be convinced, that
your best security may be found in retirement. If you
wish to be admired, be seldom seen; and if you are
desirous of having a sincere lover in your train, let
virtue, modesty, and sweetness, be the only lures you make
use of to ensnare. You may then, perhaps, by your good
qualities, retain the heart which was at first a captive to
your beauties; and when time has robbed you of the graces
and the innocent cheerfulness of youth, secure a sincere and
tender friend to console you in the hours of affliction, and
watch over you when deprived of those charms that first made
him solicitous to obtain your love.
Repine not, my young readers, though your virtues be a
concealed in a homely form. If you have secured the
virtues of the mind, you need not envy others the beauties
of the face. And ye, who are decorated with every out-
ward grace, be not vain of such fading externals; but trem.
ble lest they should tempt the designing to lead you into
error. -
Had you less beauteous been, you'd known less care;
Ladies are happiest moderately fair. ETHEREGE.
Neglect not, then, in the giddy hours of youth, to make
your mind a fit companion for the most lovely form. Per-
Sonal charms may please for a moment; but the more last-
ing beauties of an improved understanding and intelligent
mind can never tire. We are soon weary of looking at a
picture, though executed in the most masterly style: and
the woman who has only beauty to recommend her, has

27%
3.18 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEij.
but little chance of meeting a lover who will not grow in-
different to a mere portrait, particularly when its colours
are faded by the subduing hand of time. Then it is that
modesty and sweetness of temper are to be particularly
observed; and the loss of beauty will not be regretted
even by the man they first made your captive.
See, lovely fair, yon blushing rose;
All hail the beanty as it blows.
Vain of her charms, she courts the sun,
And soon her gaudy race is run.
Observe, in yonder pensive dale,
The white-robed lily of the vale,
Pure emblem of the spotless maid,
Adorned with flowers that cannot fade.
Virtue, bright ornament of youth,
Sincerity, unblushing truth:
Through all life’s seasons these will please,
In all life's storms secure heart's ease,


--
A VISION.—IN WHICH WARIOUS CLASSES OF LOVERS PASS
IN REVIEW BEFORE THE AUTHOR.
-

Cum prostrata sopore -
Urget membra quies, et mens sine pondere ludit.
- - - PETRARCH.
While sleep oppresses the tired limbs, the mind
Plays without weight, and wantons unconfined.
A LIVELY imagination is, if I may use Shakspeare's ex-
pression, great nature's second course; for, not content to
have enjoyed the intellectual pleasures immediately arising
from the beauty of external objects or the transient scenes
of life, it frequently, when they have vanished and disap-
peared, makes fond excursions after them again ; and even
in our sleep it will occasionally recall the objects of our
waking reflection, and from thence receive livelier sensa-
tions than were perhaps occasioned by the first impression.
Though there are many fantastic circumstances in these
night thoughts, if I may be so allowed to call our dreams,
yet on these occasions we sometimes find ourselves present-
ed with agreeable visions; and amidst the wildest vagaries
of fancy, we can often trace something like just reasoning,
and a real picture of life. As I take this to have been the
case with me a few nights since, I shall make no apology
for presenting my readers with my dream.
I found myself, on a sudden, near a large intricate wood,
which I had the curiosity to enter. A whimsical band, of
hope and fear, joy and grief, pain and pleasure, hovered
over our heads. Tender anguish, soft desire, pleasing
agony, were all intermixed, and in their motley livery
formed a many-coloured group, Cupid made violent work
- Pº
-
320 - DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYE D.
-
with his darts and flames, and nothing was to be heard but
tinkling rills, falling fountains, and love-sick sighs, by
which the aspen leaves were perpetually kept in rustling
tremor. The god of love had by him a prodigious quanti-
ty of arrows, differently feathered, according to the va.
rious effects of which they were to be productive. This
circumstance called to my mind a beautiful passage in a
poem by Doctor Parnell. -
- And every dart can boast a kind,
Which suits each proper turn of mind.
From the towering eagle's plume
The generous hearts accept their doom.
Shot by the peacock's painted eye
The vain and airy lovers die.
For careful dames and frugal men
The shafts are speckled by the hen.
The pyes and parrots deck the darts,
When prattling wings the panting hearts.
When from the voice the passions spring,
The warbling finch affords a wing;
Together by the sparrow stung,
Down fall the wanton and the young:
And fledged by geese the weapo.1s fly,
When others love they know not why.
-
It was not unpleasant to observe the variety of impres.
sions that were occasioned in both sexes by this strange
ſlight of arrows. Men I perceived in close pursuit of bloom-
ing virgins, merely from the impulse of vanity; and I saw
several nymphs running with the utmost precipitation from
their lovers; though, by their manner of looking back, and
the rustling they made in the trees, there was room for con-
jecture that they did not desire entirely to escape. -
Pleasing as the sensations of love are, I could observe
that very unhappy effects were often the consequences.
Many there were whose mien spoke a dejection of spi-
rits, and they were frequently driven to such extremes,
that they laid violent hands on their own lives. As I
travelled on, I saw several hanging on boughs of trees;
and on the waters, which were swelled with tears, and
-

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 321
~
ruffled with sighs, floated many a pallid corpse: in their
countenances I could plainly see the traces of that fickle
luxury of thought which is so apt to settle into a fixed des-
pair.
From this scene of distress I turned away as soon as
possible, and was relieved from my uneasiness by the sight
of a few who seemed to be happy in their passion; whose
hearts felt a mutual warmth, and whose eyes were brightened
into gladness. They walked arm in arm down the flowery
meads, interchanging mutual glances of affection; though
ever and anon succeeded anger, suspicion, open war, and
peace again. In the centre of the wood, stood a temple
Sacred to Virtue, where all, who were desirous of happiness,
were directed to bend their course, in order there to be united
together in bands of chaste affection. I was sorry to find
that some of the ladies had not resolution to persevere in
this path : whether it was owing to loose desires of seducing
temptation, I cannot decide; certain it is, they tired in their
journey, and stepped aside with their paramours to seques-
tered bowers, whence they were afterwards discarded
into the thorny parts of the wood for the remainder of
their days; but even of these, a few there were, who,
after their digression, still found means to be introduced


into the temple; whither they were, however, pursued
by an old hag called Scandal, who never yet has been
known to let them entirely efface the remembrance of their
€rrOr. -
The ladies who kept on a due course, never failed to lead
the men in captivity after them to the temple, whence,
after a short ceremony, they were dismissed in pairs, to
Commence the road of life. Three different paths were
opened to their choice, and a guide stood at each entrance
to receive them. The first was of a cold dispassionate
temper, who took every thing alike, and his name was
Indifference. The second had eyes of a greenish cast,
and he seemed to loathe the food, which he notwithstanding
322 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
eagerly followed; this personage was called Jealousy. And
the third, by an openness of countenance, a strong expression
of quick sensibility and cordial affection, was known to be
Friendship. Too many gave themselves up to Indifference,
and instantly an inattention to each other's wants succeeded
in their breasts; the men betook themselves to midnight
shouts and revelry, and the fair to parties of tea, and routs,
by which means every spark of love was soon extinguished,
and the gratification of their own separate inclinations was
their only study.
The walks of Jealousy were craggy, dangerous, and
steep, full of thorns, briers, and brambles. In the heart,
where before gladness and joy revelled secure, arose
anxiety, -distrust, and perturbation of spirit. The distem-
pered fancy started at scenes of its own creation, and, in a
fit of madness, hurried many a tortured wretch down the
precipice of fate, or let fall its vengeance on its neighbour.
What was observable in this part was, that though some-
times there were the appearances, the real footsteps of guilt
could no where be discovered.
The very small number under the guidance of Friend-
ship enjoyed a pure heart-felt tranquillity; and the fierce
desire, and impatient wish, which had formerly actuated
their minds, having now subsided, a steady and uniform
flame succeeded, not unlike the mild refreshing air of placid
evening, after the fervour of a hot summer's day. Glad
Sun's rose over their heads, and kindly nights lulled them in
each other's arms. A smiling race grew up around them,
and the culture of their young and tender minds af.
forded a pleasing employment; they journeyed on through
life, blessed with the sunshine of the soul, till, at length,
the easy dissolution of nature put a period to all human
felicity.
Here I could not help exclaiming with the poet—
O-grant me thus to live, and thus to die!
Who sprung from kings, shall know less joy than I.

DoMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 323
The whole scene appeared so completely happy, that H
began to feel some approaches towards envy ; which so
discomposed my spirits, that I was instantly awaked, and
the ideal prospect vanished into air,





-
CONJUGAI, AND DOMESTIC HAPPIN ESS—A DIALOGUE BETWEEN
LEANDER AND EUGENIO.
I wonDER, said Leander to Eugenio, why the matri-
monial and domestic state, which is so necessary to the Sup-
port of human beings, and to which the sexes are so natur-
ally and so strongly inclined, should prove the source of so
much dissatisfaction and unhappiness. Why is it, my
friend, that a union so endearing as that between husband
and wife, and a circle so connected and interesting as that of
a family, should nevertheless fail of producing its desirable
and designed effects, and, with all its promising ingredients
of happiness, should be able to make so few of those happy
who form and compose it !
The fault, said Eugenio, is not in the original institution,
nor in the state itself, but in the parties who enter into it.
This world, indeed, is not the residence of felicity; and man
is too imperfect and depraved to find in any state a felicity
that is uninterrupted and permanent. But some pleasures,
rational and manly pleasures, there are in every condition
of life, and in every relation. In the matrimonial and pa.
rental connexion, provision is made by our benevolent
Creator, for enjoyments more numerous and more refined
than in any other; and it is human folly and perverseness
alone which blights and diminishes them.
Be so good then, said Leander, as to favour me with
your directions and advice in this affair; to point out
the errors to be shunned, and the steps to be taken,
that whenever I rise to the conjugal and patriarchal


BOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 3.25
dignity, I may not sink in perpetual gloom and wretched-
116SS.
The grand secret of happiness in any state we have the
choice of, replied Eugenio, is to enter it with deliberation,
with a wise selection of associates, with a resolution to per-
form the duties of it, to do our part to lighten the evils of
it, and on the whole to make the best of it. Was the nup-
tial and domestic state entered into with such precautions
and intentions, it would be found as Our Supreme Parent
designed it, and as the state itself is fitted to be, a most de-
sirable, dignified, and delightful state, productive of more
rational and sentimental satisfactions than any other. To
enter, without judgment or forethought, into the most impor-
tant connexion; to choose at random, or as fancy or pas-
sion shall dictate, a partner for life, a bosom friend and
companion, is by no means setting out wisely, or laying a
sure foundation for happiness. And should such as set out
in this manner drag their existence painfully along, and find
the garland of matrimony, so hastily gathered, entwined
with nettles as well as roses, and even with serpents among
the flowers, they will have no reason to condemn the state,
but their own imprudence. -
Where there is a necessary union of person, of cares,
and of interests, there a union of hearts and affections is
indispensable. This shows that the exercise of judgment
and deliberation is requisite to matrimonial and domestic
happiness. For a congeniality of nature, a similarity of
taste, and a cordiality of affection, which are all essential
ingredients in the composition of nuptial felicity, are too de-
licate flowers to bloom on every bush, or to be gathered by
an undistinguishing hand. As a serene satisfaction results
from the steady performance of duty, and the constant exer-
cise of mutual tenderness, so negligence, coldness, and un-
faithfulness, will inevitably incur blame and produce unea-
siness. Vain, therefore, is the hope of conjugal and domes-

28
326 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. .
tic endearment, or tranquillity, where there is the want of
conjugal or domestic affection and duty.
That there is a necessary intermixture of troubles with
joys in the domestic life, is readily acknowledged: and so
there is in every condition. But it is the part of manly
wisdom to palliate the evils which cannot be cured ; it is
the part of patience to bear, without complaining, the evils
which cannot be palliated; and it is the part of religion to
annihilate smaller evils, and to turn every evil into a good.
With such dispositions, qualifications, and aids, as these,
husbands and wives, parents and children, will be happy in
one another, and constitute a happy family. Let a man,
then, who is setting out in life, and wishes to lay a founda-
tion for domestic peace and enjoyment, choose a partner
who will be likely to harmonize with him in all the lauda-
ble pursuits of his station, and in all the joys and sorrows
of which his honest and feeling heart may be sensible; and
let him form the resolution which a renowned Israelitish ge-
neral and statesman formed of old, and every one will al-
low that he makes a hopeful beginning.
For my part, I cannot figure to myself a scene more
pleasing among human beings, than a family cemented by
the endearing sympathies of nature, and united still more
strongly by the tenderness of a cultivated affection and es-
teem, and all under the governing influence of prudence
and religion. The happy pair, who are the heads of such
a family, experience the most delightful sensations in view.
ing the innocence and the improvements of their rising off.
spring, and in contemplating their future usefulness and
prosperity. And the children of such a family, both lo-
ving and dutiful, enjoy the liveliest satisfaction in seeing
and making one another, and their parents, happy.
True, indeed, it is, that neither sympathy, nor union, nor
innocence, nor virtue, nor religion, will shield a family from
the inroads of misfortune, from the attacks of disease, or


DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 327
from the depredations of death. But a family, where har-
mony prevails, tenderness endears, and religion presides, is
in the best preparation to receive, and in the best disposition
to bear, the most painful allotments.

LETTER TO A YOUNG GENTLEMAN UPON HIS MARRIAGE.
My DEAR SIR,
I RECEIVED the news of your marriage with infinite delight,
and hope that the sincerity with which I wish your happi-
ness, may excuse the liberty. I take, in giving you a few
rules whereby more certainly to obtain it. I see you smile
at my wrong-headed kindness, and, reflecting on the charms
of your bride, cry out in a rapture that you are happy
enough without my rules. I know you are ; but after one
of the forty years which I hope you will pass pleasingly
together, are over, this letter may come in turn, and rules
for felicity may not be found unnecessary, however some of
them may appear impracticable.
When your present violence of passion subsides, however,
and a more cool and tranquil affection takes its place, be
not hasty to censure yourself as indifferent, or to lament
yourself as unhappy; you have lost that only which it was
impossible to retain, and it were graceless, amid the pleasures
of a prosperous summer, to regret the blossoms of a tran-
sient spring. Neither unwarily condemn your bride's insi-
pidity, till you have recollected that no object, however sub-
lime, no sounds, however charming, can continue to trans-
port us with delight, when they no longer strike us with no-
velity. The skill to renovate the powers of pleasing is
said indeed to be possessed by some women in an eminent
degree, but the artifices of maturity are seldom seen to
adorn the innocence of youth; you have made your choice,
and ought to approve it. -
Satiety follows quick upon the heels of possession; and
to be happy, we must always have something in view.
The person of your lady is already your own, and will


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 329

not grow more pleasing in your eyes, I doubt, though the
rest of your sex will think her handsomer for these dozen
years. Turn, therefore, all your attention to her mind,
which will daily grow brighter by polishing. Study some
easy science together, and acquire a similarity of tastes,
while you enjoy a community of pleasures. You will, by
this means, have many images in common, and be freed
from the necessity of separating to find amusement; nothing
is so dangerous to wedded love, as the possibility of either
being happy out of the company of the other. Endeavour,
therefore, to cement the present intimacy on every side; let
your wife never be kept ignorant of your income, your
expenses, your friendships, or aversions; let her know
your very faults, but make them amiable by your virtues;
consider all concealment as a breach of fidelity; let her
never have any thing to find out in your character; and re-
member, that, from the moment one of the partners turns
Spy upon the other, they have commenced a state of hos-
tility. -
Seek not for happiness in singularity; and dread a re-
finement of wisdom as a deviation into folly. Listen not to
those sages who advise you always to scorn the counsel of
a woman, and if you comply with her requests, pronounce
you to be wife-ridden. - -
With regard to expense, I can only observe, that the money
laid out in the purchase of distinction is seldom or ever
profitably employed. We live in an age when splendid
furniture and glittering equipage are grown too common, toº
catch the notice of the meanest spectator; and for the
greater ones, they only regard our wasteful folly with silent
°ontempt, or open indignation. This may, perhaps, be a
displeasing reflection, but the following consideration ought
to make amends. The age we live in pays, I think, peculiar
attention to the higher distinctions of wit, knowledge, and
Virtue, to which we may more safely, more cheaply, and
more honourably aspire.


-º-º-º:
-
28%
330 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
I said, that the person of your lady would not grow more
pleasing to you, but pray let her never suspect that it grows
less so. That a woman will pardon an affront to her under-
standing much sooner than one to her person, is well known;
nor will any of us contradict the assertion. All our at-
tainments, all our arts, are employed to gain and keep the
heart of man ; and what mortification can exceed the dis-
appointment, if the end be not obtained There is no reproof,
however pointed, no punishment, however severe, that a
woman of spirit will not prefer to neglect; and if she can
endure it without complaint, it only proves that she means
to make herself amends by the attention of others, for the
slights of her husband. For this, and for every reason, it
behooves a married man not to let his politeness fail, though
his ardour may abate, but to retain, at least, that general
civility towards his own lady, which he is so willing to pay
to every other ; and not show a wife of eighteen or twenty
years old, that every man in company can treat her with
more complaisance, than he, who so often vowed to her
eternal fondness.
It is not my opinion that a young woman should be indulged
in every wild wish of her gay heart or giddy head; but con-
tradiction may be softened by domestic kindness, and quiet
pleasure substituted in the place of noisy ones. Public
amusements, if they be not so eaſpensive as is sometimes
imagined, tend to alienate the minds of married people from
each other. A well chosen society of friends and ac-
quaintance, more eminent for virtue and good sense than for
gayety and splendour, where the conversation of the day
may afford comment for the evening, seems the most rational
pleasure this great town can afford.
The bane of married happiness among many city men
has been, that, finding themselves unfit for polite life, they
transferred their vanity to their ladies, dressed them up
gaily, and sent them out gallanting, while the good man
was to regale with port wine or rum-punch, perhaps among

-
--
DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 331
mean companions, after the counting-house was shut; this
practice produced the ridicule thrown on them in all our
comedies and novels since commerce began to prosper.
But now that I am so near the subject, a word or two on
jealousy may not be amiss; for though not a failing of the
present age's growth, yet the seeds of it are too certainly
sown in every warm bosom for us to neglect it as a fault
of no consequence. If you are ever tempted to be jealous,
watch your wife narrowly, but never tease her: tell her
your jealousy, but conceal your suspicion ; let her, in short,
be satisfied that it is only your odd temper, and even
troublesome attachment, that makes you follow her; but let
her not dream that you ever doubted seriously of her virtue
even for a moment. If she is disposed towards jealousy of
you, let me beseech you to be always explicit with her, and
never mysterious ; be above delighting in her pain, of all
things, nor do your business, nor pay your visits with an
air of concealment, when all you are doing might as well be
proclaimed perhaps in the parish vestry. But I will hope
better than this of your tenderness and of your virtue, and
will release you from a lecture you have so very little need
of, unless your extreme youth and uncommon regard will
excuse it. And now, farewell; make my kindest compli-
ments to your wife, and be happy in proportion as happiness
is wished to you, by, dear sir, &c.

- She smiles, appearing, as in truth she is,
PLEASING VIEWS OF MATRIMONY.
Domestic happiness, thou only bliss
Of Paradise that has survived the fall!
Though few now taste thee unimpaired and pure,
Or tasting, long enjoy thee, too infirm,
Or too incautious to preserve thy sweets -
Unmixed with drops of bitter, which neglect
Or temper sheds into thy crystal cup!
Thou art the nurse of virtue! In thine arms
Heaven-born, and destined to the skies again. CowPER.
DoMESTIC life, like all other external goods, is not ne-
cessarily and of itself, but only in particular combinations
and certain circumstances, a real advantage and a source of
actual felicity. Home is but too frequently rendered the
seat of tiresomeness and disgust; the scene of low and un-
governed passions; the abode of vexation of various dis-
sensions, and of malicious petulance; not seldom an actual
place of torment. This is always more or less the case,
where wisdom and virtue are not admitted of the party, and
do not animate its businesses a d pleasures. Where wisdom
and virtue dwell, where intelligent and good persons live
together, there only dwell peace, satisfaction, and joy: these
alone render either a cottage or a palace the receptacle of
pleasure ; by their means is any family, whether great or
small, rendered capable of happiness. For only the intelli-
gent and good can tell what solid, happiness implies : In One
but they have either the taste or sentiment proper for it.
They alone estimate things by their real value, and know
how to enjoy, above all things, what is real, and beautiful,
and good, unesteemed and unknown as they may be in the

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 333
great world, and among such as are not disposed to the
more delicate sensations. To them, a word that overflows
from the fulness of the heart; a look that indicates the soul;
an inconsiderate but harmless action; an unimportant kind-
ness, but performed from real affection; a calm and silent
sentiment of friendship; a free effusion of a person's reflec-
tions and feelings into the bosom of his own family, is of
more worth than the reiterated protestations of civility and
regard, than all the flattering encomiums and blandishments,
than all the friendly miens and gestures, than all the splen-
did entertainments, in which the glory and happiness of the
generality of large companies consist.
Wherever domestic happiness is found, it shows us
persons who are connected together by real intrinsic love
and friendship, who live entirely by each other, and who
seek their happiness, their honour, and their force, in the
mutual union of their hearts. Only to persons of this de-
scription can and must every thing be of importance which
each has, says, does, and enjoys; how he is inclined, and
whatever befalls him. They alone know how to consider
their mutual advantages with unerring complacency, and
observe the infirmities and failings of each other without dis.
pleasure ; to reprehend the deviations of a third with inoſ.
fensive gentleness; understand the looks of each ; and to
prevent the wants and wishes of all ; mutually to comply
with the designs of edch other; to harmonize with the feel-
ings of the rest; and to rejoice heartily in all the successes,
even the most inconsiderable, that happen to each other.
Wherever frigidity of temper, untractableness, jealousy, and
envy prevail, there no real happiness is possible, in the nar-
row circle of daily intercourse.
Domestic happiness gives scope to a taste for truth, for
nature, for a noble simplicity, and serene repose; in oppo-
sition to error and art, to studied and forced pleasures, and
the more ostentatious and poignant diversions. That pure
and generous taste alone can give any value to the joys of

334 DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
domestic life; and to such as understand and enjoy it, ren.
der all its concerns important, and delightful as the sources
of satisfaction and pleasure. For, in this case, they arise,
not so much from the object, as from the eye that beholds
them, and the heart that feels them; not so much from the
importance of the transactions and events themselves, as
from the natural and spontaneous manner in which they
arise, and the pleasing interest taken in them. To persons
of a sound judgment and an uncorrupted heart, the cheer-
ful countenance of the spouse, the lisping of the infants, the
mirthful sports of the children, the sight of reason in its bud
and in its blossom ; to them the earnest curiosity of one,
the innocent vivacity of another, the growth and improve-
ment of a third, the contentedness of all, is a scene far pre-
ferable, with all its privacy and simplicity, to any other,
however intricately conducted, or splendidly performed.
The silent and placid existence, in a society of open affec-
tion, of unrestrained and unobtrusive benevolence and love,
is, to hearts that are able to melt, a kind of existence which
they would not exchange for any of those that are so much
prized and envied by the multitude.
What a happiness flows to such, more particularly
from the superintendence of their tender offspring ! The
Deity hath provided, that when the first enchanting links of
mutual affection and parental love have united us, we should
be more endeared to each other, by every instance of care
and affection in the education of our children. Nothing so
effectually charms the mind into a settled esteem, as concur-
rence in an employment, so beneficent, so delightful,
as the care or education of our own offspring. This is
a work of so much importance, and requiring so much
time, that it contributes more than any thing toward per-
petuating our union. The necessary duties to one child
are succeeded by the necessary duties to another,
until we have transferred, as it were, our whole souls into
our offspring ; passionately love each other again in our

DOM ESTIC HAPPIN ESS PORTRAYE D. - 335
several images or representatives; and live only to make
ourselves happy, through the happiness of our children. It
is thus we may be said to be renewed, or to be made young
again. We view the progress of an infant mind, the sources
and growth of its affections, with more pleasure than is ex-
perienced by itself. We interest ourselves in those great
passions which determine the events of life; we forget our
infirmities, we imagine ourselves in love again, because our
children are enamoured ; and we become fathers and mothers
a second time, when they assume those happy denominations,
Compare, if you can, the events of what is called a life of
pleasure, with such as these. And when nature is decom-
posing; when infirmities or disorder menace dissolution—
you may see the man who has acted on the selfish and bru-
tal principle of gratifying himself at the expense of truth,
honour, and the happiness of others, cursing a world which
detests or despises him ; deserted by all, by the very in-
struments of his pleasures, because universally disesteemed;
and sinking into the grave in ignomy or frantic wretched-
ness; whilst those men and women who have gone hand in
hand in the pleasing duties of life, will not only have a firm
support in honourable recollections, but will be led down
its rugged declivity by the tenderest care of an affectionate
offspring ; and will consign themselves to rest like useful
labourers, a little weary, but satisfied with the work of the
day. -
*

A LETTER, EXHIBITING THE GRAND BASIS OF A IIAPPY UNION,
AND AN ESTIMATE OF THE ADVANTAGES AND, DISADVAN-
TAGES OF MARRIAGE.
SIR,
HAVING lived long, travelled much, seen matrimony in
all its forms and stages, observation and experience have
stamped this truth with infallible certainty : A CONSTANT
DESIRE TO MAKE OUR COMPANION HAPPY, IS THE SOUL OF CON-
JUGAL FELICITY. This comprehends the essence of love,
and applies to all ages, all times, all circumstances; it is
every thing. This constitutes the balm, the flowers, all
the sweets, and the sunshine of life. Where this is wanting,
there is form without spirit, shadow without substance,
“sounding brass, and tinkling cymbal.”
If we blot ten thousand pages in giving rules and maxims,
and reasoning about it, the quintessence of all is expressed
in one line. This truth is confirmed by the adage, “ love
begets love;” which is founded in the experience of ages,
and Sanctioned by the reason of all mankind.
Human nature is formed to feel, and to be influenced by
its sensations. The most perverse are affected, in some
degree, by the kind attentions of others. In this way only
can the meek and innocent wife control the ferocious hus-
band, or reduce him to the path of virtue. Thus only can
the unprotected domestic reform or mollify the unruly pas-
sions of a tyrannical superior. Love, benevolence, is the
divine instrument, by which the weak must govern the
strong, the virtuous the wicked. Its charms influence all
minds; and the person whom it does not soften or reclaim,
is lost for ever. In any event the good shall not lose their
reward; the conscious endeavour to make others wise, vir-

IDOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 337
tuous, and happy, will instill its balm into the benevolent
mind, and repay its labour by the secret charm of self-ap-
probation. Such is the constitution of the human mind, by
the beneficent appointment of Heaven.
With respect to the advantages and disadvantages of the
married state, they merit our deliberate attention, ere we
enter into it, to know where the balance will fall.
There is a dark and a bright side, or, in other words, some
portion of shade, to every thing in human life. That which
is most luminous on the whole, claims our choice. In or-
der to form a just estimate of the means of happiness, we
must study the constitution of nature and of man; for no
plan will succeed which is opposed by this constitution.
Taking this for the first principle, then observe the subse-
Quent diamond maxim, which is more precious than rubies:
“Let the best course of life your choice invite,
And custom soon will turn it to delight.”
What some call the dark side, or tax of matrimony, is,
the cares and expenses of a family—multiplying one’s self
into many marks for misfortune, sickness, and death—loss
of liberty, by increasing one's ties—hazard of ill temper, or
want of eacellence in the person with whom we form the in-
dissoluble union ; and the like risk in offspring. All these
certainly have their weight in the scale: therefore, to act
rationally, they must be outweighed by prospects of happi-
ness, before we make the experiment of the conjugal life.
As to cares and eaſpenses, they increase the exertion of
our faculties, and thus more often enlarge than diminish our
pleasure. We were made for action, not for indolence;
and from pursuits, which have for their object the interest
of those we love, the most refined enjoyment results. This
constitutes a sublime portion of human felicity, without which
life would be a barren existence.
The second objection is unsupported by reason and expe-
rience; because, without such a multiplication of friends,

29
338 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
we cannot increase our dearest delights. No one objects
to riches, because they add to his cares, and his chances
for loss. The absence of evil will not satisfy any one: all
want positive good; and for the enjoyment of it, we cheer-
fully take the risk of losing it.
As to loss of liberty by increasing one’s ties—we always
intend, and very frequently gain by the loss. It is only an
exchange, as in a pure republic we give part of our rights
to the control of others, for the same power over their
rights. We cannot exist in society without an exchange of
rights in some degree : it is a means of promoting individual
and general happiness.
With respect to the fourth objection, it is to be remem-
bered, that we cannot take one step in life, which promises
good, free from the possibility of evil. If the chances be
in favour of a pursuit, it is deemed wise. In this, as in
every other case, we reason, and follow where happiness
seems to lie. When persons arrive at the period of life for
important action, and look around the world for happiness,
hazard and uncertainty attend every object, and darkness
rests on all things future. Their nature powerfully inclines
them to pursuit. Taking, then, reason and virtue for their
guides, they should select those objects which afford the
fairest probability of success. Hope, the cordial of exist-
ence, animates the various pursuits through the whole
journey of life, and often strews with flowers the untrodden
path. Marriage enlarges the field of hope; it seems to in-
sure a kind of immortality. In offspring our morning star
arises, before our evening sun declines. This prevents a
total eclipse, and enlightens our whole existence.
In fact, all the wants and wishes, the passions and sensi-
bilities, of humanity, which constitute delight, find their ob.
ject in the matrimonial circle.
When, too, we contemplate the brevity of life, and look
forward to that world whence no traveller returns, we may
anticipate the enlargement, even of eternal felicity, in see-


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 339
--
ing our posterity from age to age ascend, to people the
realms of light, and embrace us with seraphic love. This
idea is natural, and there is nothing in reason or revelation
against the pleasing conclusion.
To imitate the Parent of the Universe, by communicating
felicity, gives back the most divine pleasure which the human
mind can feel ; and to communicate it to those we love, is the
sublime of existence. The mind rises in bliss, whilst it dwells
on the idea. The heart palpitates in an energy of rapture.
Happy, thrice happy, are the citizens of this republic
whose free government and fertile regions invite to marriage,
and promise the full reward of love. Here the corrupt
maxims of the old world are little known. Here love is.
the loan for love ; and the pure principle of personal es-
feem forms the union between the sexes. Here mutual af.
fection rises superior to fortune, and gives domestic felicity,
unknown where avarice, ambition, or vicious pleasure rule
the heart. Here industry, crowned by the blessing of be-
nignant Heaven, supplies the wants of all; and the bloom-
ing youth are seen in every dwelling, smiling around their
parents, like blossoms on a fruitful tree. Health glows on
the cheek, innocence and contentment sparkle in the eye,
and the voice of nature tells the traveller, “HAPPINESS
DWELLS HERE.” º,




TESTIMONY OF A DISTINGUISHED DIVINE TO THE EXCELLENCE
OF THE MARRIAGE UNION : IN A LETTER TO A YOUNG LADY.
My DEAR Miss,
I AM at a loss how to write, not having a letter to answer,
It is true, your mamma gave me some hint of a subject, but I
have nothing very interesting to offer upon that head at pre-
sent. My best wishes and prayers attend you, that the
Lord may guide, shine upon, and bless you, in every rela-
tion and circumstance of life that may be before you. I
have reason to speak well of the married state ; and it al-
ways gives me pleasure, when, in the way of my office, I
am called to tie the marriage knot, when I have reason to
believe the prospect is warranted by prudence, the parties
united by affection, and that they come together in the fear
and in the name of the Lord. I think I may take it for
granted, from your mamma's letter, that these requisites con-
cur in your concern, and therefore I heartily bid you God
speed. And I congratulate your lover, whoever he be, be-
lieving that if the Lord bestows you upon him, and gives
him a heart to value you aright, you will prove a treasure
and a blessing to him. However, let me remind you, upon
this occasion, that vanity is deeply engraven upon all be-
low the skies; and that the more happy we are in creature
comforts, so much the more are we exposed to snares and
crosses, O, how happy it is to know the Lord, the foun-
tain of living waters! for every other acquisition without
Him will prove a broken cistern. But as he has taught
your heart to choose and rest in himself supremely as your
portion, you have a warrant from his gracious promises to
hope, that he will bless you in all your connexions and
COI) CernSs.

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 341
How different, for the most part, is the appearance be-
tween a wedding day and a dying day! yet, however long
the interval may be between them, the latter must come, and
then the space, which in prospect might seem long, will af.
fect us no more than the remembrance of a morning dream.
Could I have been told when I married, that Mrs. N
and I should live together more than twenty-three years;
that our affection should increase as we went on; that the
Lord would favour us with a path remarkably smooth, and
exempt us from nine trials out of ten which are ordinarily
found in wedded life; how would my poor vain heart have
been elated Well, all this and more has happened. For
almost twenty-four years past, I have never seen a single
day or hour in which I wished to change my situation with
any person upon earth ; and we are still spared to each
other. But now, shall I tell you what I see when I take a.
review of past times. Forgetful as I am, I can recollect
innumerable instances of the Lord’s mercy. We set out in
life like two strangers who had a wilderness before them,
and knew not a single step of the way; but, O, how won-
derfully has he led us ! I can recount, likewise, innumera-
ble evils, snares, sins, trials, and inquietudes, which, if put
together, would make a large abatement of what, if viewed
in the lump, might seem a uniform course of happiness and
satisfaction. And as to all the rest, it is gone beyond re-
call; the shadows of the evening are beginning to advance
over us, and how miserable should we now be if our hope
was only in this life May the Lord write upon your heart,
while you are young, a conviction, that communion with
him, grace to glorify him and serve him in the world, are
the only things which make life, in its best estate, valuable
and desirable. -
- - Believe me to be, -
Sincerely yours.

DANGER OF A LADY's FIXING HER CHOICE IN LovE.
THE attachments of the heart, on which almost all the
happiness or misery of life depends, are most interesting
objects of our consideration. I shall give my dear niece
the observations which experience has enabled me to draw
from real life, and not from what others have said or writ-
ten, however great their authority.
The first attachment of young hearts is friendship—the
noblest and happiest of affections, when real and built on a
solid foundation; but oftener pernicious than useful to very
young people, because the connexion itself is ill understood,
and the subjects of it frequently ill chosen.
It is a melancholy consideration that the judgment can
only be formed by experience, which generally comes too
late for our own use, and is seldom accepted for that of
others. I fear it is in vain for me to tell you what danger-
ous mistakes I made in the early choice of friends; how in-
capable I then was of finding out such as were fit for me,
and how little I was acquainted with the true nature of
friendship, when I thought myself most ſervently engaged in
it ! I am sensible all this will hardly persuade you to choose
by the eyes of others, or even to suspect that your own may
be deceived. -
- If there is danger in making an improper choice of friends,
how much more fatal would it be to mistake in a stronger
kind of attachment, in that which leads to an irrevocable
engagement for life yet so much more is the understanding
blinded, when once the fancy is captivated, that it seems a
desperate undertaking to convince a girl in love that she -
has mistaken the character of the man she prefers.
If the passions would wait for the decision of judgment,
and if a young woman could have the same opportunities








TOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 343
of examining into the real character of her lover as into that
of a female candidate for her friendship, the same rules
might direct you in the choice of both ; for marriage being
the highest state of friendship, the qualities requisite in a
friend are still more important in a husband. But young
women know so little of the world, especially of the other
sex, and such pains are usually taken to deceive them, that
they are every way unqualified to choose for themselves,
upon their own judgment. Many a heartache shall I feel
for you, my sweet girl, if I live a few years longer | Since
not only all your happiness in this world, but your advance-
ment in religion and virtue, or your apostacy from every
good principle you have been taught, will probably depend
On the companion you fix to for life. Happy will it be for
- you, if you are wise and modest enough to withdraw from
temptation, and preserve your heart free and open to receive
the just recommendation of your parents: farther than a
‘recommendation, I dare say, they will never go, in an affair
which, though it should be begun by them, ought never to
be proceeded in without your free concurrence.
Whatever romantic notions you may hear, or read of,
depend upon it, those matches are the happiest which are
inade on rational grounds, on suitableness of character, de-
gree, and fortune, on mutual esteem, and the prospect of a
real and permanent friendship. Far be it from me to advise
you to marry where you do not love : a mercenary marriage
is a detestable prostitution; but, on the other hand, a union
formed upon mere personal liking, without the requisite
foundation of esteem, without the sanction of parental ap-
probation, and consequently without the blessing of God, can
be productive of nothing but misery and shame. The
passion to which every consideration of duty and prudence
is sacrificed, instead of supplying the loss of all other ad-
Vantages, will soon itself be changed into mutual distrust,
repentance, reproaches, and finally perhaps into hatred.
The distresses it brings will be void of every consolation :

344 poMESTIC HAPPINEss PortRAYED.
you will have disgusted the friends who should be your sup.
port; debased yourself in the eyes of the world; and, what
is much worse, in your own eyes, and even in those of
your husband : above all, you will have offended that God
who alone can shield you from calamity.
From an act like this, I trust, your duty and gratitude to
your parents, the first of duties next to that we owe to God,
and inseparably connected with it, will effectually preserve
you. But most young people think they have fulfilled their
duty, if they refrain from actually marrying against prohi-
bition. They suffer their affections, and even perhaps their
word of honour to be engaged, without consulting their
parents : yet satisfy themselves with resolving not to marry
without their consent; not considering that, besides the
wretched, useless, uncomfortable state that they plunge
themselves into when they contract a hopeless engagement,
they must likewise involve a parent in the miserable dilemma
of either giving a forced consent against his judgment, or of
seeing his beloved child pine away her prime of life in fruit-
less anxiety, seeing her accuse him of tyranny because he
restrains her from certain ruin, seeing her affections alien-
ated from her family, and all her thoughts engrossed by
one object, to the destruction of her health and spirits, and
of all her improvements and occupations. What a cruel
alternative for parents whose happiness is bound up with
that of their child ! The time to consult them is before you
have given a lover the least encouragement; nor ought you
to listen a moment to the man who would wish you to keep
his addresses secret; since he thereby shows himself con-
scious that they are not fit to be encouraged.
But perhaps I have said enough on this subject at pre-
sent; though, if ever advice on such a topic can be of use, it
must be before passion has got possession of the heart and
silenced both reason and principle. Fix, therefore, in your
mind, as deeply as possible, those rules of duty and prudence
which now seem reasonable to you, that they may be at

I)OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 345
hand in the hour of trial, and save you from the miseries in
which strong affections, unguided by discretion, involve so
many of our sex.
If you love virtue sincerely, you will be incapable of
loving an openly vicious character. But, alas! your inno-
cent heart may be easily ensnared by an artful one; and
from this danger nothing can secure you but the experience
of those to whose guidance God has intrusted you : may
you be wise enough to make use of it ! So will you have
the fairest chance of attaining the best blessings this world
can afford, in a faithful and virtuous union with a worthy
man, who may direct your steps in safety and honour through
this life, and partake with you the rewards of virtue in that
which is to come.
How earnestly I wish you this happiness you can never
know, unless you could read the heart of
Your truly affectionate.

HAVING A REGARD TO MONEY IN LOOKING OUT FOR A WIFE.
DEAR SIR,
IT would be wrong to make you wait long for an answer
to the point you propose in your last. It is an important
one. I am not a casuist by profession, but I will do my
best. Suppose I imitate your laconic manner of stating the
question and circumstances.
I doubt not but it is very lawful at your age to think of
marriage, and in the situation you describe, to think of
money likewise. I am glad you have no person as you
Say, fivedly in view ; in that case advice comes a post or
two too late. But your expression seems to intimate that
there is one transiently in view. If it be so, since you have
no settlement, if she has no money, I cannot but wish she
may pass on till she is out of sight and out of mind. I see
this will not do ; I must get into my own grave way about
this grave business. I take it for granted, that my friendis free
from the love of filthy lucre ; and that money will never be
the turning point with you in the choice of a wife. Methinks
I hear you say, if I wanted money I would either dig or beg
for it; but to preach or marry for money, that be far from
me. I commend you. However, though the love of
money be a great evil, money itself, obtained in a fair and
honourable way, is desirable upon many accounts, though
not for its own sake. Meat, clothes, fire, and books,
cannot easily be had without it: therefore, if these be ne:
cessary, money which procures them must be neces-
sary likewise. If things were otherwise than you repre-
sent them, if you were able to provide for a wife your.
self, then I would say, find a gracious girl, (if she be
not found already,) whose person you like, whose temper



-
º
- DOMESTIC RIAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 347
you think will suit; and then, with your father and mother’s
consent, (without which I think you would be unwilling to
move,) thank the Lord for her, marry her, and account her
a valuable portion, though she should not have a shilling.
But while you are without income or settlement, if you have
thoughts of marriage, I hope they will be regulated by a
due regard to consequences. They who set the least value
upon money, have in some respects the most need of it. A
generous mind will feel a thousand pangs in strait circum-
stances, which some unfeeling hearts would not be sensible
of You could, perhaps, endure hardships alone, yet it
might pinch you to the very bone to see the person you
love exposed to them. Besides, you might have a John, a
Thomas, and a William, and half a dozen more to feed, (for
they must all eat ;) and how could this be done without a
competency on one side or the other, or so much on both
sides as will make a competency when united, I see not.
Besides, you would be grieved not to find an occasional
shilling in your pocket to bestow upon one or other of the
Lord’s poor, though you should be able to make some sort
of a shift for those of your own house. -
But is it not written, ‘The Lord will provide '' It is;
but it is written again, ‘Thou shalt not tempt the Lord
thy God.” Hastily to plunge ourselves into difficulties, upon
a persuasion that He will find some way to extricate us,
seems to me a species of tempting him.
Therefore, I judge, it is so far lawful, for you to have a
regard to money in looking out for a wife, that it would be
Wrong, that is, in other words, unlawful for you to omit it,
Supposing you have a purpose of marrying in your present
situation.
I am, &c.



How To UNITE DOMESTIC ECONOMY, LIBERALITY, AND EASE.
IN A LETTER FROM A LADY TO HER NIECE. *
MY DEAR NIECE, -
ECONOMY is so important a part of a woman’s character,
so necessary to her own happiness, and so essential to her
performing properly the duties of a wife and of a mother,
that it ought to have the precedence of all other accomplish-
ments, and take its rank next to the first duties of life. It
is, moreover, an art as well as a virtue ; and many well-
meaning persons, from ignorance or from inconsideration,
are strangely deficient in it. Indeed it is too often wholly
neglected in a young woman’s education; and she is sent
from her father's house to govern a family without the least
degree of that knowledge which should qualify her for it: this
is the source of much inconvenience; for though experience
and attention may supply, by degrees, the want of instruc-
tion, yet this requires time; the family, in the mean time,
may get into habits which are very difficult to alter; and,
what is worse, the husbands opinion of his wife's incapacity
* may be fixed too strongly to suffer him ever to think justly
of her gradual improvements.
Economy consists of so many branches, some of which
descend to such minuteness, that it is impossible for me in
writing to give you particular directions. The rude out-
lines may perhaps be described, and I shall be happy if I
can furnish you with any hint that may hereafter be use:
fully applied. -
The first and greatest point is to lay out your general
plan of living in a just proportion to your fortune and rank;
if these two will not coincide, the last must certainly give
way: for if you have right principles, you cannot fail of

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 349
being wretched under the sense of the injustice as well as
danger of spending beyond your income, and your distress
will be continually increasing. No mortifications, which
you can suffer from retrenching in your appearance, can
be comparable to this unhappiness.
Perhaps it may be said, that the settling the general
scheme of expenses is seldom the wife's province, and that
many men do not choose even to acquaint her with the real
state of their affairs. Where this is the case, a woman can
be answerable for no more than is intrusted to her; but I
think it a very ill sign, for one or both of the parties, where
there is such a want of openness in what equally concerns
them. As I trust you will deserve the confidence of your
husband, so I hope you will be allowed free consultation
with him on your mutual interests; and I believe there are
few men who would not hearken to reason on their own af.
fairs, when they saw a wife ready and desirous to give up
her share of vanities and indulgences, and only earnest to
promote the common good of the family. ----
In order to settle your plan, it will be necessary to make
a pretty exact calculation; and if, from this time, you ac- -
custom yourself to calculations in all the little expenses in-
trusted to you, you will grow expert and ready at them,
and be able to guess very nearly, where certainty cannot
be attained. Many articles of expense are regular and
fixed : these may be valued exactly; and, by consulting
with experienced persons, you may calculate nearly the
amount of others : any material article of consumption, in a
family of any given number and circumstances, may be
estimated pretty nearly. Your own expenses of clothes and
pocket money should be settled and circumscribed, that you
may be sure not to exceed the just proportion. I think it
an admirable method to appropriate such a portion of your
income, as you judge proper to bestow in charity, to be
sacredly kept for that purpose, and no longer considered as
your own. By which means, you will avoid temptation of


30 -
350 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
giving less than you ought, through selfishness, or more
than you ought, through good nature or weak-
mess. If your circumstances allow of it, you might set
apart another fund for acts of liberality or friendship, which
do not come under the head of charity. The having such
funds ready at hand, makes it easy and pleasant to give;
and when acts of bounty are performed without effect, they
are generally done more kindly and effectually. If you
are obliged in conscience to lay up for a family, the same
method of an appropriated fund for saving will be of ex-
cellent use, as it will prevent that continual and often in-
effectual anxiety, which a general desire of saving, without
having fixed the limits, is sure to create.
I am sensible, my dear child, that very little more can
be gathered from what I have said on economy, than the
general importance of it, which cannot be too much im-
pressed on your mind, since the natural turn of young
people is to neglect and even despise it: not distinguishing it
from parsimony and narrowness of spirit. But, be assured,
my dear, there can be no true generosity without it; and
that the most enlarged and liberal mind will find itself not
debased but ennobled by it. Nothing is more common than
to see the same person, whose want of economy is ruining
his family, consumed with regret and vexation at the effect
of his profusion; and, by endeavouring to save in such
trifles as will not amount to twenty pounds in a year, that
which he wastes by hundreds, incur the character and suffer
the anxieties of a miser, together with the misfortunes of a
prodigal. A rational plan of expense will save you from
all these corroding cares, and will give you the full and
liberal enjoyment of what you spend. An air of ease, of
hospitality, and frankness, will reign in your house, which
will make it pleasant to your friends and to yourself.
* Better is a morsel of bread” where this is found, than
the most elaborate entertainment, with that air of constraint

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 351
and anxiety, which often betrays the grudging heart through
all the disguises of civility.
That you, my dear, may unite in yourself the admirable
virtues of generosity and economy, which will be the
grace and crown of all your attainments, is the earnest
wish of -
Your ever affectionate.


TENDERNESS OF FRIENDSHIP. A. NECESSARY INGREDIENT IN
THE MARRIED STATE.

No man can tell the dangers of each hour,
Nor is prepared to meet them,
WHEN a man is in a serious mood, and ponders upon his
own make with a retrospect to the actions of his life, and
the many fatal miscarriages in it which he owes to un-
governed passions, he is then apt to say to himself, that ex-
perience shall guard him against such errors for the future;
but nature often recurs in spite of his best resolutions, and
it is, to the very end of our days, a struggle between our
reason and our temper which shall have the empire over
us. However, this is very much to be helped by circum-
spection and a constant alarm against the first outsets of
passion. As this is in general a necessary care to make a
man's life easy and agreeable to himself, so it is more par-
ticularly the duty of such as are engaged in friendship and
nearer commerce with others. Those who have their joys
have also their griefs in proportion; and none can extremely
exalt or depress friends, but friends. The harsh things
which come from the rest of the world are received and re-
pulsed with that spirit which every honest man bears for
his own vindication; but unkindness, in words or actions,
among friends, affects us at the first instant in the in-
most recesses of our soul. Indifferent people, if I may so
say, oan wound us only in heterogeneous parts, maim us in
our legs or arms; but the friend can make no pass but
at the heart itself. On the other side, the most impotent
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEſ). 353
assistance, the mere well-wishes of a friend, gives a man
constancy and courage against the most prevailing force of
his enemies. It is here only a man enjoys and suffers to
the quick. For this reason, the most gentle behaviour is
absolutely necessary to maintain friendship in any degree
above the common level of acquaintance. But there is a
relation of life much more near than the most strict and sa-
cred friendship, that is to say, marriage. This union is of
too close and delicate a nature to be easily conceived by
those who do not know that condition by experience. Here
a man should, if possible, soften his passions; if not for his
own ease, in compliance to a creature formed with a mind
of quite a different make from his own. I am sure, I do
not mean it an injury to women, when I say there is a sort
of sex in souls. I am tender of offending them, and know
it is hard not to do it on this subject; but I must go on to
Say, that the soul of a man, and that of a woman, are made
very unlike, according to the employments for which they
are designed. The ladies will please to observe, I say, our
minds have different, not superior, qualities to theirs. The
virtues have respectively a masculine and a feminine cast.
What we call in men wisdom, is in women prudenée. It is
a partiality to call one greater than the other. A prudent
Woman is in the same class of honour as a wise man, and
the scandals in the way of both are equally dangerous.
But to make this state any thing but a burden, and not hang
a weight upon our very beings, it is proper each of the
couple should frequently remember, that there are many
things which grow out of their very natures that are par.
donable, nay, becoming, when considered as such, but, with-
out that reflection, must give the quickest pain and vexa-
tion. To manage well a great family, is as worthy an in-
Stance of capacity, as to execute a great employment: and
for the generality, as women perform the considerable part
of their duties, as well as men do theirs; so in their com-


mon behaviour, females of ordinary genius are not more
30%
354 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
trivial than the common rate of men; and, in my opinion,
the playing of a fan is every whit as good an entertainment
as the beating of a snuff.box. -
But, however I have rambled in this libertine manner of
writing by way of Essay, I now sit down with an intention
to represent to my readers how pernicious, how sudden, and
how fatal, surprises of passion are to the mind of man; and
that in the more intimate commerces of life they are more
liable to arise, even in our most sedate and indolent hours.
Occurrences of this kind have had very terrible effects;
and when one reflects upon them, we cannot but tremble to
consider what we are capable of being wrought up to,
against all ties of nature, love, honour, reason, and religion,
though the man who breaks through them all, had, an hour
before he did so, a lively and virtuous sense of their dictates.
When unhappy catastrophes make up part of the history
of princes and persons who act in high spheres, or are repre-
sented in the moving language and well-wrought seenes of
tragedians, they do not fail of striking us with terror; but
then they affect us only in a transient manner, and pass
through our imaginations as incidents in which our fortunes
are too humble to be concerned, or which writers form for
the ostentation of their own force; or, at most, as things fit
rather to exercise the powers of our minds, than to create
new habits in them. Instead of such high passages, I was
thinking it would be of great use, if any body could hit it,
to lay before the world such adventures as befall persons
not exalted above the common level. This, methought,
would better prevail upon the ordinary race of men, who
are so prepossessed with outward appearances, that they
mistake fortune for nature, and believe nothing can relate to
them that does not happen to such as live and look like
themselves.
The unhappy end of a gentleman, whose story an ac-
quaintance of mine was just now telling me, would be very
proper for this end, if it could be related with all the cir-


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 355.
cumstances as I heard it this evening; for it touched me so
much, that I cannot forbear entering upon it.
“Mr. Eustace, a young gentleman of a good estate near
Dublin, in Ireland, married a lady of youth, beauty, and
modesty, and lived with her in general with much ease and
tranquillity ; but was in his secret temper impatient of re-
buke. She was apt to fall into little Sallies of passion; yet
as suddenly recalled by her own reflection on her fault, and
the consideration of her husband's temper. It happened,
as he, his wife, and her sister, were at supper together about
two months ago, that, in the midst of a careless and familiar
Conversation, the sisters fell into a little warmth and con-
tradiction. He, who is one of that sort of men who are
never unconcerned at what passes before them, fell into an
Outrageous passion on the side of the sister. The person
about whom they disputed was so near, that they were under
no restraint from running into vain repetitions of past, heats;
on which occasion all the aggravations of anger and distaste
boiled up, and were repeated with the bitterness of exas-
perated lovers. The wife, observing her husband extremely
moved, began to turn it off, and rally him for interposing be-
tween two people, who, from their infancy, had been angry
and pleased with each other every half hour. But it de-
scended deeper into his thoughts, and they broke up with a
sullen silence. The wife immediately retired to her cham-
ber, whither her husband soon after followed. When they
were in bed, he soon dissembled a sleep; and she, pleased
that his thoughts were composed, fell into a real one. Their
apartment was very distant from the rest of their family, in
a lonely country house. He now saw his opportunity, and,
with a dagger he had brought to bed with him, stabbed his
wife in the side. She awaked in the highest terror; but
immediately imagining it was a blow designed for her hus-
band by ruffians, began to grasp him, and strove to awake
and rouse him to defend himself. He still pretended himself
sleeping, and gave her a second wound.

356 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
|
-
--
“She now drew open the curtain, and, by the help of moon-
light, saw his hand lifted up to stab her. The horror dis.
armed her from further struggling; and he, enraged anew
at being discovered, fixed his poniard in her bosom. As
soon as he believed he had despatched her, he attempted to
escape out of the window: but she, still alive, called to him
not to hurt himself, for she might live. He was so stung
with the insupportable reflection upon her goodness, and his
own villany, that he jumped to the bed, and wounded her
all over with as much rage as if every blow was provoked
by new aggravations. In this fury of mind he fled away.
His wife had still strength to go to her sister's apartment,
and gave an account of this wonderful tragedy, but died the
next day. Some weeks after, an officer of justice, in at-
tempting to seize the criminal, fired upon him, as did the
criminal upon the officer. Both their balls took place, and
both immediately expired.”

UNHAPPY MARRPAGES.,
METHINKs it is a misfortune that the marriage state,
which, in its own nature, is adapted to give us the comple-
test happiness this life is capable of, should be souncomforta-
ble a one to so many as it daily proves. But the mischief
generally proceeds from the unwise choice people make
for themselves, and an expectation of happiness from things
not capable of giving it. Nothing but the good qualities of
the person beloved can be a foundation for a love of judg-
ment and discretion; and whoever expects happiness from
any thing but virtue, wisdom, good humour, and similitude
of manners, will find themselves widely mistaken. But
how few are there who seek after these things, and do not
rather make riches their chief, if not their only aim How
rare is it for a man, when he engages himself in the
thoughts of marriage, to place his hopes of having in such
a woman a constant agreeable companion? One who will
divide his cares, and double his joys 7 Who will manage
that share of his estate he intrusts to her conduct with pru-
dence and frugality, govern his house with economy and

discretion, and be an ornament to himself and family?.
Where shall we find the man who looks out for one who
places her chief happiness in the practice of virtue, and
makes her duty her continual pleasure ? No: men rather
seek for money as the complement of all their desires; and
regardless of what kind of wives they take, they think riches
Will be a minister to all kinds of pleasures, and enable them
to keep mistresses, horses, hounds; to drink, feast, and
game with their companions, pay their debts contracted by for-
mer extravagances, or some such vile and unworthy end ;
358 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and indulge themselves in pleasures which are a shame and
scandal to human nature. Now as for women : how few
of them are there, who place the happiness of their marriage
in the having a wise and virtuous friend? One who will
be faithful and just to all, and constant and loving to them?
Who, with care and diligence, will look after and improve
the estate, and without grudging allow whatever is prudent
and convenient? Rather how many are there, who do not
place their happiness in outshining others in pomp and
show 7 and that do not think within themselves when they
have married such a rich person, that none of their ac-
quaintance shall appear so fine in their equipage, so adorned
in their persons, or so magnificent in their furniture, as
themselves? Thus their heads are filled with vain ideas;
and I heartily wish I could say that equipage and show
were not the chief good of so many women as I fear it is.
After this manner do both sexes deceive themselves, and
bring reflections and disgrace upon the most happy and
most honourable state of life ; whereas, if they would but
correct their depraved taste, moderate their ambition, and
place their happiness upon proper objects, we should not
find felicity in the marriage state such a wonder in the
world as it now is.

MARRIAGE GENERALLY THE MOST HAPPY WHEN PRECEDED BY
LONG COURTSHIP.
- [Addison.]
My father, whom I must always name with honour and
gratitude, has very frequently talked to me upon the subject
of marriage. I was, in my younger years, engaged, partly
by his advice, and partly by my own inclination, in the
courtship of a person who had a great deal of beauty, and
did not at my first approaches seem to have any aversion to
me; but as my natural taciturnity hindered me from show-
ing myself to the best advantage, she by degrees began to
look upon me as a very silly fellow ; and being resolved to
regard merit more than any thing else in the persons who
made their applications to her, she married a captain of
dragoons who happened to be beating up for recruits in those
parts.
This unlucky accident has given me an aversion to pretty
fellows ever since, and discouraged me from trying my for-
tune with the fair sex. The observations which I made at
this juncture, and the repeated advices which I received at
the time from the good old man above mentioned, have pro-
duced the following essay upon love and marriage.
The pleasantest part of a man’s life is generally that,
which passes in courtship, provided his passion be sincere,
and the party beloved kind with discretion. Love, desire,
hope, all the pleasing emotions of the soul, rise in the pursuit.
It is easier for an artful man who is not in love to per-
Suade his mistress he has a passion for her, and to succeed
in his pursuits, than for one who loves with the greatest vio-
lence. True love has ten thousand griefs, impatiences, and


360 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
resentments, that render a man unamiable in the eyes
of the person whose affection he solicits; besides that, it
sinks his figure, gives him fears, apprehensions, and poorness
of spirit, and often makes him appear ridiculous where he
has a mind to recommend himself.
Those marriages generally abound most with love and
constancy, that are preceded by long courtship. The pas.
sion should strike root, and gather strength before marriage
be grafted on it. A long course of hopes and expectations
fixes the idea in our minds, and habituates us to a fondness
of the person beloved. -
There is nothing of so great importance to us, as the good
qualities of one to whom we join ourselves for life; they do
not only make our present state agreeable, but often deter-
mine our happiness to all eternity. Where the choice is
left to friends, the chief point under consideration is an es-
tate; where the parties choose for themselves, their thoughts
turn most upon the person. They have both their reasons.
The first would procure many conveniences and pleasures of
life to the party whose interest they espouse; and at the
same time may hope that the wealth of their friends will
turn to their own credit and advantage. The others are
preparing for themselves a perpetual feast. A good per-
son does not only raise but continue love, and breeds a se-
cret pleasure and complacency in the beholder, when the
first heats of desire are extinguished. It puts the wife or
husband in countenance, both among friends and strangers,
and generally fills the family with a healthy and beautiful
race of children. -
I should prefer a woman that is agreeable in my own
eye, and not deformed in that of the world, to a celebrated
beauty. If you marry one remarkably beautiful, you must
have a violent passion for her, or you have not the proper
taste for her charms; and if you have such a passion for
her, it is odds but it would be embittered with fears and
jealousies. r -

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 361
beauties. º
Good mature and evenness of temper will give you an
easy companion for life; virtue and good sense, an agreea-
ble friend; love and constancy, a good wife or husband.
Where we meet one person with all these accomplishments,
we find a hundred without any of them. The world, not.
withstandiſig, is more intent on trains and equipages, and all
the showy parts of life; we love rather to dazzle the multi-
tude, than consult our proper interests; and, as I have else-
where observed, it is one of the most unaccountable pas-
sions of human nature, that we are at greater pains to ap-
pear easy and happy to others, than really to make ourselves
so. Of all disparities, that in humour makes the most un-
happy marriages, yet scarce enters into our thoughts at the
contracting them. Several that are in this respect une-
qually yoked, and uneasy for life with a person of a parti-
cular character, might have been pleased and happy with a
person of a contrary one, notwithstanding they are both
perhaps equally virtuous and laudable in their kind.
Before marriage we cannot be too inquisitive and discern-
ing in the faults of the person beloved, nor after it too dim.
sighted and superficial. However perfect and accomplished
the person appears to you at a distance, you will find many
blemishes and imperfections in her humour, upon a more
-
intimate acquaintance, which you never discovered or per-
haps suspected. Here, therefore, discretion and good na-
ture are to show their strength; the first will hinder yOur
thoughts from dwelling on what is disagreeable, the other
will raise in you all the tenderness of compassion and hu-
manity, and, by degrees, soften those very imperfections into
Marriage enlarges the scene of our happiness and mise.
ries. A marriage of love is pleasant; a marriage of in-
terest, easy; and a marriage where both meet, happy. A
happy marriage has in it all the pleasures of friendship, all
the enjoyments of sense and reason, and, indeed, all the sweets
of life. Nothing is a greater mark of a degenerate and





362 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
vicious age, than the common ridicule which passes on this
state of life. It is, indeed, only happy in those who can
look down with scorn and neglect on the impieties of the
times, and tread the paths of life together in a constant,
uniform course of virtue. - C.

REFLECTIONS ON ERRORS IN MARRIAGE.
Perpetual harmony their bed attend,
And Venus still the well-matched pair befriend;
May she, when time has sunk him into years,
Love her old man, and cherish his white hairs;
Nor he perceive her charms through age decay,
But think each happy sun his bridal day.
I HAVE somewhere met with a fable that made wealth
the father of love. It is certain a mind ought at least be
free from the apprehension of want and poverty, before it
can fully attend to all the softnesses and endearments of this
passion; notwithstanding, we see multitudes of married
people, who are utter strangers to this delightful passion
amidst all the affluence of the most plentiful fortunes.
It is not sufficient to make a marriage happy, that the
humours of the two people should be alike. I could in-
stance a hundred pairs, who have not the least sentiment of
love remaining for one another, yet are so like in their
humours, that, if they were not already married, the whole
world would design them for man and wife.
The spirit of love has something so extremely fine in it,
that it is very often disturbed and lost by some little acci.
dent, which the careless and unpolite never attend to, until
it is gone past recovery.
Nothing has more contributed to banish it from a mar-
ried state than too great a familiarity, and laying aside the
common rules of decency. Though I could give instances
of this in several particulars, I shall only mention that of
dress. The beaux and belles about town, who dress purely
to catch one another, think there is no further occasion for
º


364 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED).
the bait, when the first design has succeeded. But besides
the common fault, in point of neatness, there are several
others which I do not remember to have seen touched upon;
but in one of our modern comedies, where a Frenchwoman,
offering to undress and dress herself before the lover of the
play, and assuring her mistress that it was usual in France,
the lady tells her that is a Secret in dress she never knew
before, and that she was so unpolished an Englishwoman
as to resolve never to learn to dress even before her hus-
band.
There is something so gross in the carriage of some
wives, that they lose their husbands’ hearts for faults which,
if a man has either good nature or good breeding, he knows
not how to tell them of. I am afraid, indeed, the ladies are
generally most faulty in this particular; who, at their first
giving into love, find the way so Smooth and pleasant, that
they fancy it is scarce possible to be tired in it.
There is so much nicety and discretion required to keep
love alive after marriage, and make conversation still new
and agreeable after twenty or thirty years, that I know no-
thing which seems readily to promise it, but an earnest endea-
vour to please on both sides, and superior good sense on the
part of the man.
By a man of sense, I mean one acquainted with business
and letters.
A woman very much settles her esteem for a man, ac-
cording to the figure he makes in the world, and the eha-
racter he bears among his own sex. As learning is the
chief advantage we have over them, it is, methinks, as
scandalous and inexcusable for a man of fortune to be illite-
rate, as for a woman not to know how to behave herself
on the most ordinary occasions. It is this which sets the
two sexes at the greatest distance; a woman is vexed and -
surprised, to find nothing more in the conversation of a man,
than in the common tattle of her sex. -
Some small engagement at least in business, not only


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 365
sets a man's talents in the fairest light, and allots him a part
to act in which a wife cannot well intermeddle, but gives
frequent occasion for these little absences, which, whatever
seeming uneasiness they may give, are some of the best pre-
servatives of love and desire.
The fair sex are so conscious to themselves that they
have nothing in them which ean deserve entirely to engross
the whole man, that they heartily despise one who, to use
their own expression, is always hanging at their apron
strings.
Lætitia is pretty, modest, tender, and has sense enough ;
she married Erastus, who is in a post of some business, and
has a general taste in most parts of polite learning.
Lætitia, wherever she visits, has the pleasure to hear of
something which was handsomely said or done by Erastus.
Erastus, since his marriage, is more gay in his dress than
ever, and in all companies is as complaisant to Laetitia as to
any other lady. I have seen him give her her fam, when it
has dropped, with all the gallantry of a lover. When they
take the air together, Erastus is continually improving her
thoughts, and with a turn of wit and spirit which is peculiar to
him, giving her an insight into things she had no notions of
before. Laetitia is transported at having a new world thus
opened to her, and hangs upon the man that gives her such
agreeable information. Erastus has carried his point still
further, as he makes her daily not only more fond of him,
but infinitely more satisfied with herself. Erastus finds a
justness or beauty in whatever she says or observes,
that Laetitia herself was not aware of; and by his as:
sistance she has discovered a hundred good qualities and
accomplishments in herself, which she never before once
dreamed of Erastus, with the most artful complaisance in
the world, by several remote hints, finds the means to make
her say or propose almost whatever he has a mind to, which
he always receives as her own discovery, and gives her all
the reputation of it. - * .

3].”
366 DòMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI).
Erastus has a perfect taste in painting, and carried
Laetitia with him the other day to see a collection of pic-
tures. I sometimes visit this happy couple. As we were
last week walking in the long gallery before dinner-‘I
have lately laid out some money in paintings,” says Erastus:
“I bought that Venus and Adonis purely upon Laetitia's
judgment; it cost me threescore guineas; and I was this
morning offered a hundred for it.” I turned towards Laetitia,
and saw her cheeks glow with pleasure, while, at the same
time, she cast a look upon Erastus, the most tender and af.
fectionate I ever beheld.
Flavilla married Tom Tawdry : she was taken with his
laced coat and rich sword knot. She has the mortification
to see Tom despised by all the worthy part of his own sex.
Tom has nothing to do after dinner but to determine whether
he will pare his nails at St. James', White's, or his own
house. He has said nothing to Flavilla since they were
married which she might not have heard as well from her
own woman. He, however, takes great care to keep up the
saucy ill-natured authority of a husband. Whatever,
Flavilla happens to assert, Tom immediately contradicts,
with an oath by way of preface, and, “My dear, I must tell
you, you talk most confounded silly.” Flavilla had a heart.
naturally as well disposed for all the tenderness of love as
that of Lætitia; but as love seldom continues long after
esteem, it is difficult to determine, at present, whether the
unhappy Flavilla hates or despises the person most whom
she is obliged to lead her whole life with.

THE MARRIAGE STATE RARELY UNHAPPY BUT FROM WANT
OF JUDGMENT OR TEMPER IN THE HUSBAND.
[Steele.]
MANY men complain much of vanity, pride, but above
all, ill-nature in their wives. I cannot tell how it is, but I
think I see in all their complaints, that the cause of their
uneasiness is in themselves; and indeed I have hardly ever
observed the married condition unhappy, but for want of
judgment or temper in the man. The truth is, that we ge-
nerally make love in a style and with sentiments very unfit
for ordinary life: they are half theatrical and half roman-
tic. By this means we raise our imaginations to what is
not to be expected in human life; and, because we did not
beforehand think of the creature we are enamoured of, as
subject to dishonour, age, sickness, impatience, or sullen-
ness, but altogether considered her as the object of joy, hu-
man nature itself is often imputed to her as her particular
imperfection or defect.
I take it to be a rule, proper to be observed in all occur.
rences of life, but more especially in the domestic, or matri-
monial part of it, to preserve always a disposition to be
pleased. This cannot be supported but by considering things
in their right light, and as nature has formed them, and not
as our own fancies or appetites would have them. He, then,
who took a young lady to his bed, with no other considera.
tion than the expectation of scenes of dalliance, and thought
of her (as I said before) only as she was to administer to the
gratification of desire, as that desire ſlags, will, without her
fault, think her charms and her merit abated: from hence
must follow indifference, dislike, peevishness, and rage. But .


868 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEI).
the man who brings his reason to support his passion, and
beholds what he loves as liable to all the calamities of hu.
man life, both in body and mind, and even at the best what
must bring upon him new cares, and new relations; such a
lover, I say, will form himself accordingly, and adapt his
mind to the nature of his circumstances. This latter per-
son will be prepared to be a father, a friend, an advocate,
a steward for people yet unborn, and has proper affections
ready for every incident in the marriage state. Such a
man can hear the cries of children with pity instead of an-
ger ; and, when they run over his head, he is not disturbed
by their noise, but is glad of their mirth and health. Tom
Trusty has told me that he thinks it doubles his attention to
the most intricate affair he is about, to hear his children, for
whom all his cares are applied, make a noise in the next
room : On the other side, Will Sparkish cannot put on his
periwig, or adjust his cravat at the glass, for the noise of
those nurses and squalling brats; and then ends with
a gallant reflection upon the comforts of matrimony, runs
out of the hearing, and drives to the chocolate house.
According as the husband is disposed in himself, every
circumstance of his life is to give him torment or pleasure.
When the affection is once well placed, and supported by
the considerations of duty, honour, and friendship, which
are in the highest degree engaged in this alliance, there can
nothing rise in the common course of life, or from the blows:
or favours of fortune, in which a man will not find matters
of some delight unknown to a single condition.
He who sincerely loves his wife and family, and studies
to improve that affection in himself, conceives pleasure from
the most indifferent things; while the married man, who
has not bid adieu to the fashions and false gallantries of the
town, is perplexed with every thing around him.
But, instead of pursuing my design of displaying conju-
gal love in its natural beauties and attractions, I have got
into tales to the disadvantage of that state of life. I must


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 369
say, therefore, that l am verily persuaded, that whatever is
delightful in human life is to be enjoyed in greater perfec-
tion in the married than in the single condition. He that
has this passion in perfection in occasions of joy, can say to
himself, besides his own satisfaction, “how happy will this
make my wife and children?” Upon occurrences of dis-
tress or danger, can comfort himself: “But all this while
my wife and children are safe.” There is something in it
that doubles satisfactions, because others participate in them;
and dispels afflictions, because others are exempt from them.
All who are married without this relish of their circum-
stances, are in either a tasteless indolence and negligence,
which is hardly to be attained, or else live in the hourly re-
petition of sharp answers, eager upbraidings, and distracting
reproaches. In a word, the married state, with and without
the affection suitable to it, is the completest image of heaven
and hell we are capable of receiving in this life,

DIFFERENCE OF TEMPER IN THE SEXES.
[Addison.]
— Harmonious discord.
WoMEN in their nature are much more gay and joyous
than men; whether it be that their blood is more refined,
their fibres more delicate, and their animal spirits more light
and volatile ; or whether, as some have imagined, there
may not be a kind of sex in the very soul, I shall not pre-
tend to determine. As vivacity is the gift of women, gra-
vity is that of men. They should each of them therefore
keep a watch upon the particular bias which nature has fixed
in their minds, that it may not draw too much, and lead
them out of the paths of reason. This will certainly hap-
pen, if the One in every word and action affects the charac-
ter of being rigid and severe, and the other of being brisk
and airy. Men should beware of being captivated by a
kind of Savage philosophy, women by a thoughtless gal-
lantry. Where these precautions are not observed, the
man often degenerates into a cynic, the woman into a co-
quet; the man grows sullen and morose, the woman imper.
tinent and fantastical.
By what I have said, we may conclude men and women
were made as counterparts to one another, that the pains
and anxieties of the husband might be relieved by the
sprightliness and good-humour of the wife. When these
are rightly tempered, care and cheerfulness go hand in hand;
and the family, like a ship that is duly trimmed, wants nei.
ther sail nor ballast. -
In marriage, men and women are joined together for
life; and as the main burden rests upon the former, nature








DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 371
has given all the little arts of soothing and blandishment to
the female, that she may cheer and animate her companion
in a constant and assiduous application to the making a
provision for his family, and the educating of their common
children. This, however, is not to be taken so strictly, as
if the same duties were not often reciprocal, and incumbent
On both parties; but only to set forth what seems to have
been the general intention of nature, in the different inclina-
tions and endowments which are bestowed on the different
Sexes.
But whatever was the reason that man and woman were
made with this variety of temper, if we observe the conduct
of the fair sex, we find that they choose rather to associate
themselves with a person who resembles them in that light
and volatile humour which is natural to them, than to such
as are qualified to moderate and counterbalance it. It has
been an old complaint, that the coxcomb carries it with him
before the man of sense. When we see a fellow loud and
talkative, full of insipid life and laughter, we may venture to
pronounce him a female favourite. Noise and flutter are such
accomplishments as they cannot withstand. To be short,
the passion of an ordinary woman for a man is nothing else
but self-love diverted upon another object. She would
have the lover a woman in every thing but the sex. I do
not know a finer piece of satire on this part of womankind,
than those lines of Mr. Dryden:
Our thoughtless sex is caught by outward form,
And empty noise; and loves itself in man.
This is a source of infinite calamities to the sex, as it fre-
quently joins them to men, who, in their own thoughts, are
as fine creatures as themselves; or if they chance to be
good-humoured, serve only to dissipate their fortunes, in-
flame their follies, and aggravate their indiscretions.
The same female levity is no less fatal to them after
marriage than before. It represents to their imaginations



372 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
the faithful, prudent husband, as an honest, tractable, and
domestic animal; and turns their thoughts upon the fine
gay gentleman, that laughs, sings, and dresses so much
more agreeably. --
As this irregular vivacity of temper leads astray the
hearts of ordinary women in the choice of their lovers and
the treatment of their husbands, it operates with the same
pernicious influence towards their children, who are taught
to accomplish themselves in all those sublime perfections
that appear captivating in the eye of their mother. She
admires in her son what she loved in her gallant: and by
that means contributes all she can to perpetuate herself in
a worthless progeny. -
I have been led into this speculation by the characters I
have heard of a country gentleman and his lady, who do not
live many miles from Sir Roger. The wife is an old
coquet, that is always hankering aſter the diversions of the
town; the husband a morose rustic, that frowns and frets
at the name of it. The wife is overrun with affectation,”
the husband sunk into brutality. The lady cannot bear
the noise of the larks and nightingales, hates your tedious -
summer days, and is sick at the sight of shady woods and
purling streams; the husband wonders how any one can be
pleased with the fooleries of plays and operas, and rails from
morning to night at essenced fops and tawdry courtiers.
The children are educated in these different notions of
their parents. The sons follow the father about his grounds,
while the daughters read volumes of love-letters and roman-
ces to their mother. By this means it comes to pass, that
the girls look upon their father as a clown, and the boys
think their mother no better than she should be.
How different are the lives of Aristus and Aspasia . The
innocent vivacity of the one is tempered and composed by
the cheerful gravity of the other. The wife grows wise by
the discourses of the husband, and the husband good-humoured
by the conversation of the wife. Aristus would not be so

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 373
amiable were it not for Aspasia, nor Aspasia so much €S-
teemed were it not for her Aristus. Their virtues are blend
ed in their children, and diffuse through the whole family
a perpetual spirit of benevolence, complacency, and satisfac-
£10n.

REFINEMENT OF CONJUGAL LOVE.
That love alone which virtue’s laws control,
* Deserves reception in the human soul.
IF love be any refinement, conjugal love must be certain-
ly so in a much higher degree. There is no comparison
between the frivolous affectations of attracting the eyes of
women with whom you are only captivated by way of
amusement, and of whom perhaps you know nothing more
than their features, and a regular and uniform endeavour to
make yourself valuable, both as a friend and lover, to one
- whom you have chosen to be the companion of your life.
The first is the spring of a thousand fopperies, silly artifices,
falsehoods, and perhaps barbarities; or at best rises no higher
than to a kind of dancing-school breeding, to give the person
a more sparkling air. The latter is the parent of substan-
tial virtues and agreeable qualities, and cultivates the mind
while it improves the behaviour. The passion of love to a
mistress, even where it is most sincere, resembles too much
the flame of a ſever: that to a wife is like the vital heat.
I have often thought, if the letters written by men of
good nature to their wives were to be compared with those
written by men of gallantry to their mistresses, the former,
notwithstanding any inequality of style, would appear to
have the advantage. Friendship, tenderness, and constan:
cy, dressed in a simplicity of expression, recommend them-
selves by a more native elegance, than passionate
raptures, extravagant encomiums, and slavish adora-
tion. If we were admitted to search the cabinet of
the beautiful Narcissa, among heaps of epistles from
several admirers, which are there preserved with equal


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 375
care, how few should we find but would make any one sick
in the reading, except her who is flattered by them " But in
how different a style must the wise Benevolus, who conver-
ses with that good sense and good humour among all his
friends, write to a wife who is the worthy object of his ut-
most affection Benevolus, both in public and private, and
all occasions of life, appears to have every good quality
and desirable ornament. Abroad he is reverenced and es-
teemed; at home beloved and happy. The satisfaction he
enjoys there settles into an habitual complacency, which
shines in his countenance, enlivens his wit, and seasons his
conversation. Even those of his acquaintance, who have
never seen him in his retirement, are sharers in the happi-
ness of it; and it is very much owing to his being the best
and best beloved of husbands, that he is the most steadfast
of friends, and the most agreeable of companions.
There is a sensible pleasure in contemplating sueh beau-
tiful instances of domestic life. The happiness of the con-
jugal state appears heightened to the highest degree it is
capable of when we see two persons of accomplished minds
not only united in the same interests and affections, but in
their taste of the same improvements and diversions. Pliny,
one of the finest gentlemen and politest writers of the age
in which he lived, has left us, in his letter to Hispulla, his
wife's aunt, one of the most agreeable family pieces of this
kind I have ever met with. I shall end this discourse with
a translation of it; and I believe the reader will be of my
opinion, that conjugal love is drawn in it with a delicacy
which makes it appear to be, as I have represented it, an
Ornament as well as a virtue. º -
“Pliny to Hispulla.
“As I remember the great affection which was between
you and your excellent brother, and know you love his
daughter as your own, so as not only to express the tender.
ness of the best of aunts, but even to supply that of
the best of fathers; I am
---
sure it will be a pleasure

376 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
to you to hear that she proves worthy of her father, wor.
thy of you, and of your and her ancestors. Her ingenuity
is admirable; her frugality extraordinary. She loves me,
the surest pledge of her virtue; and adds to this a wonder-
ful disposition to learning, which she has acquired from her
affection to me. She reads my writings, studies them, and
even gets them by heart. You would smile to see the con-
cern she is in when I have a cause to plead, and the joy she
shows when it is over. She finds means to have the first
news brought her of the success I meet with in court, how I
am heard, and what decree is made. If I recite any thing
in public, she cannot refrain from placing herself privately
in some corner to hear, where, with the utmost delight, she
feasts upon my applauses. Sometimes she sings my verses,
and accompanies them with the lute, without any master
except love, the best of instructors. From these instances
I take the most certain omens of our perpetual and increas-
ing happiness; since her affection is not founded on my
youth and person, which must gradually decay, but she is
in love with the immortal part of me, my glory and repu-
tation. Nor indeed could less be expected from one whe
had the happiness to receive her education from you, who
in your house was accustomed to every thing that was vir-
tuous and decent, and even began to love me, by your re-
commendation. For, as you had always the greatest re-
spect for my mother, you were pleased from my infancy to
form me, to commend me, and kindly to presage I should
be one day what my wife fancies I am. Accept, therefore,
our united thanks; mine, that you have bestowed her on
me; and hers, that you have given me to her, as a mutual
grant of joy and felicity.” --> -
-

CRUELTY OF PARENTS IN THE AFFAIR OF MARRIAGE.
[Addison.]
Moved by these tears, we pity and protect.
I AM more pleased with a letter that is filled with touches
of nature than of wit. The following one is of this kind :
Among all the distresses which happen in families, I do
not remember that you have touched upon the marriage of
children without the consent of their parents. I am one
of these unfortunate persons. I was about fifteen when
I took the liberty to choose for myself; and have ever
since languished under the displeasure of an inexorable fa- -
ther, who, though he sees me happy in the best of husbands,
and blessed with very fine children, can never be prevailed
upon to forgive me. He was so kind to me before this un- -
happy accident, that indeed it makes my breach of duty, in
Some measure, inexcusable ; and at the same time creates
in me such a tenderness towards him, that I love him above
all things, and would die to be reconciled to him. I have
thrown myself at his feet, and besought him with tears to
pardon me; but he always pushes me away, and spurns
me from him. I have written several letters to him, but he
will neither open nor receive them. About two years ago
I sent my little boy to him, dressed in a new apparel; but
the child returned to me crying, because he said his grand-
father would not see him, and had ordered him to be put
out of his house. My mother is won over to my side,
but dares not mention me to my father, for fear of provoking
him. About a month ago he lay sick upon his bed, and in
--


378. DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. PORTRAYED.
great danger of his life; I was pierced to the heart at the
news, and could not forbear going to inquire after his health.
My mother took this opportunity of speaking in my behalf;
she told him, with abundance of tears, that I was come to
see him, that I could not speak to her for weeping, and that
I should certainly break my heart if he refused at that time
to give me his blessing, and be reconciled to me. He was
So far from relenting towards me, that he bid her speak no
more of me, unless she had a mind to disturb him in his
last moments; for, sir, you must know that he has the re-
putation of an honest and religious man, which makes my
misfortune so much the greater.
Of all the hardness of heart there is none so inexcusable,
as that of parents towards their children. An obstinate,
inflexible, unforgiving temper, is odious upon all occasions;
but here it is unnaturak. The love, tenderness, and com-
passion, which are apt to arise in us towards those who de-
pend upon us, is that by which the whole world of life is
upheld. The Supreme Being, by the transcendant excel-
lency and goodness of his nature, extends his mercy towards
all his works ; and because his creatures have not such a
spontaneous benevolence and compassion towards those who
are under their care and protection, he has implanted in
them an instinct, that supplies the place of this inherent goods.
IlêSS, -
This instinct in man is more general and uncircumscribed:
than in brutes, as being enlarged by the dictates of reason.
and duty. For if we consider ourselves attentively, we
shall find that we are not only inclined to love those who
descend from us, but that we bear a kind of gropyn, or natu-
ral affection, to every thing which relies upon us for its
good and preservation. Dependence is a perpetual call upon
humanity, and a greater incitement to tenderness and pity,
than any other motive whatsoever.
The man, therefore, who, notwithstanding any passion
or resentment, can overcome this powerful instinct, and

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED: 379,
extinguish natural affection, debases his mind even below
brutality, frustrates, as much as in him lies, the great de-
sign of Providence, and strikes out of his nature one of the
most divine principles that is planted in it.
Among innumerable arguments which might be brought
against such an unreasonable proceeding, I shall only insist
on one. We make it the condition of our forgiveness that
we forgive others. In our very prayers we desire no
more than to be treated by this kind of retaliation. The
case therefore before us seems to be what they call a “case
in point;” the relation between the child and father, being
what comes nearest to that between a creature and its
Creator. If the father is inexorable to the child who has
offended, let the offence be of never so high a nature, how
will he address himself to the Supreme Being, under the
tender appellation of a Father, and desire of him such a for-
giveness as he himself refuses to grant? -
To this I might add many other religious as well as many
prudential considerations; but if the last mentioned motive
does not prevail, I despair of succeeding by any other.
-

MISERIES OCCASIONED BY FOLLY AND WICE AT THE HEAD
OF A FAMILY.
{Addison.].
IT is a melancholy thing to see a coxcomb at the head
of a family. He scatters infection through the whole
house. His wife and children have always their eyes upon
him; if they have more sense than himself, they are out of
countenance for him; if less, they submit their understand-
ings to him, and make daily improvements in folly and im.
pertinence. I have been very often secretly concerned,
when I have seen a circle of pretty children cramped in
their natural parts, and prattling even below themselves,
while they are talking after a couple of silly parents. The
dulness of a father often extinguishes a genius in the son,
or gives such a wrong cast to his mind as it is hard for him
ever to wear off. In short, where the head of a family is
weak, you hear the repetitions of his insipid pleasantries,
shallow conceits, and topical points of mirth, in every mem-
ber of it. His table, his fireside, his parties of diversion, are
all of them so-many standing scenes of folly.
This is one reason why I would the more recommend the
improvements of the mind to my female readers, that a
family may have a double chance for it; and if it meets
with weakness in one of the heads, may have it made up in
the other. It is indeed an unhappy circumstance in a
family, where the wife has more knowledge than the
husband; but it is better it should be so, than that there
should be no knowledge in the whole house. It is highly
expedient that at least one of the persons, who sits at the
helm of affairs, should give an example of good sense to

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 381
those who are under them in these little domestic govern-
mentS.
If folly is of ill consequence in the head of a family, vice
is much more so, as it is of a more pernicious and of a more
contagious nature. When the master is a profligate, the
rake runs through the house. You hear the sons talking
loosely, and swearing after the father, and see the daugh-
ters either familiarized to his discourse, or every moment
blushing for him.
The very footman will be a fine gentleman in his mas-
ter's way. He improves by his table talk, and repeats in
the kitchen what he learns in the parlour. Invest him with
the same title and ornaments, and you would scarce know
him from his lord. He practises the same oaths, the same
ribaldry, the same way of joking.
It is therefore of very great concern to a family, that
the ruler of it should be wise and virtuous. The first of
these qualifications does not indeed lie within his power;
but though a man cannot abstain from being weak, he may
from being vicious. It is in his power to give a good ex-
ample of modesty, of temperance, of frugality, of religion,
and of all other virtues, which though the greatest orna-
ments of human nature, may be put in practice by men of
the most ordinary capacities.
As wisdom and virtue are the proper qualifications in the
master of a house, if he is not accomplished in both of them,
it is much better that he should be deficient in the former
than in the latter, since the consequences of vice are of an
infinitely more dangerous nature than those of folly.
When I read the histories that are left us of Pythagoras,
I cannot but take notice of the extraordinary influence
which that great philosopher, who was an illustrious pattern
of virtue and wisdom, had on his private family. This ex-
cellent man, after having perfected himself in the learning
of his own country, travelled into all the known parts of the
World, on purpose to converse with the most learned men of


382 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS. PORT RAYED.
every place ; by which means he gleaned up all the know-
ledge of the age, and is still admired by the greatest men of
the present times as a prodigy of science. His wife Theano
wrote several books, and after his death taught his philoso-
phy in his public school, which was frequented by numberless
disciples of different countries. There are several excellent
sayings recorded of her. I shall only mention one, because
it does honour to her virtue, as well as to her wisdom. Being
asked by some of her sex, in how long a time a woman
might be allowed to pray to the gods, after having con-
versed with a man “If it were her husband,” says she,
“the next day; if a stranger, never.” Pythagoras had
by his wife two sons and three daughters. His two sons,
Telauges and Mnesarchus, were both eminent philosophers,
and were joined with their mother in the government of the
Pythagorean school. Arignote was one of the daughters,
whose writings were extant, and very much admired, in the
age of Porphyrus. Damo was another of his daughters, in


wose hands Pythagoras left his works, with a prohibition
to communicate them to strangers, which she observed to
the hazard of her life; and though she was offered a great
sum for them, rather chose to live in poverty, than not obey
the commands of her beloved father. Myla was the third
of the daughters, whose works and history were very
famous, even in Lucian's time. She was so signally
virtuous, that for her unblemished behaviour in her vir-
ginity, she was chosen to lead up the chorus of maids
in a national solemnity; and for her exemplary conduct
in marriage, was placed at the head of all the matrons,
in the like public ceremony. The memory of this
learned woman was so precious among her countrymen,
that her house was after her death cohverted into a temple,
and the street she lived in called by the name of the
Musæum. Nor must I omit, whilst I am mentioning this
great philosopher, under his character as the master of a
DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 383
family, that two of his servants so improved themselves un-
der him, that they were instituted into his sect, and make an
eminent figure in the list of Pythagoreans. The names of
these two servants were Astraeus and Zamolxes. This sin-
gle example sufficiently shows us both the influence and
the merit of one who discharges as he ought the office of a
good master of a family; which, if it were well observed
in every house, would quickly put an end to that universal
depravation of manners, by which the present age is so
much distinguished, and which it is more easy to lament than
to reform.

GOOD NATURE AND GOOD SENSE COMPARED, IN THEIR RELA-
TION TO MATRIMONIAL HAPPINESS.
IT is not by far of so much consequence, what are the
talents, temper, turn of mind, character, or circumstances
of both or either of the parties, as that there be a certain
suitableness or correspondence of those of the one to those
of the other. -
Those "essay-writers, who have taken human nature and
life as their great general subject, have many remarks on
the causes of infelicity in the marriage union, as well as
many beautiful and striking pictures of what would be just,
generous, prudent, and dutiful conduct, or their contraries,
in particular circumstances. Great pains have been taken
also to point out what ought to be the motives of choice to
both parties, if they expect happiness. Without entering
into a full detail of what has been said upon this subject, I
think the two chief competitors for preference have generally
been—good nature and good sense. The advocates for the
first say, that as the happiness of married people must arise
from a continual interchange of kind offices, and from a
number of small circumstances, that occur every hour, a
gentle and easy disposition—a temper that is happy in itself
—must be the cause of happiness to another. The advo-
cates for good sense say, that the sweetness of good nature
is only for the honey-moon; that it will either change its
nature, and become sour by long standing, or become wholly
insipid; so that if it do not generate hatred, it will at least
incur indifference or comtempt; whereas good sense is a
sterling quality, which cannot fail to produce and preserve
esteem, the true foundation of rational love.

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 385
If I may, as I believe most people do, take the prevailing
sentiments within the compass of my own reading and con-
versation for the general opinion, I think it is in favour of
good sense. And if we must determine between these two,
and decide which of them is of the most importance when
separated from the other, I have very little to say against the
public judgment. But in this, as in many other cases, it is
only imperfect and general, and often ill understood and
falsely applied. There is hardly a more noted saying, than
that a man of sense will never use a woman ill, which is
true or false, according to the meaning that is put upon the
phrase, using a woman ill. If it be meant, that he will not
so probably beat his wife as a fool ; that he will not
scold or curse her, or treat her with ill manners before com. ---
pany, or indeed that he will not so probably keep a continual
Wrangling, either in public or private, I admit that it is true.
Good sense is the best security against indecorums of every º
kind. But if it be meant, that a man will not make his
wife in any case truly miserable, I utterly deny it. On the
contrary, there are many instances in which men make use.
of their sense itself, their judgment, penetration, and know.
ledge of human life, to make their wives more exquisitely
unhappy. What shall we say of those, who can sting them :
with reflections so artfully guarded that it is impossible not
to feel them, and yet almost as impossible with propriety to
complain of them?
It is not the fine qualities of both or either party that will
insure happiness, but that the one be suitable to the other.
By their being suitable is not to be understood their being
both of the same turn; but that the defects of the one be
supplied or submitted to by some correspondent quality of -
the other. I think I have seen many instances, in which
gravity, severity, and even moroseness in a husband, where
there has been virtue at bottom, has been so tempered with
meekness, gentleness and compliance in the wife, as has
produced real and lasting comfort to both. I have also
seen some instances, in which sourness, and want of fe:


33 - -
386 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED,
male softness in a woman, has been so happily compensated
by easiness and good humour in a husband, that no appear.
ance of wrangling or hatred was to be seen in a whole
life. I have seen multitudes of instances, in which vul-
garity, and even liberal freedom, not far from brutality, in a
husband, has been borne with perfect patience and serenity
by a wife, who by long custom had become, as it were, in-
sensible of the impropriety, and yet never inattentive to her
own behaviour.
Certainly, therefore, this should be an object particularly
attended to in courtships, or while marriage is on the tapis,
as politicians say.
If I look out for a wife, I ought to consider, not whether
a lady has fine qualities for which she ought to be esteemed
or admired, or whether she has such a deportment as I will
take particular delight in, and such a taste as gives reason
to think she will take delight in me ; I may pitch too high,
as well as too low, and the issue may be equally unfortu-
nate. Perhaps I shall be told, there lies the great difficulty.
How shall we make this discovery 7. In time of youth and
courtship, there is so much studied attention to please, from
interested views, and so much restraint from fashion and
the observation of others, that it is hard to judge how they
will turn out afterwards. -
This I confess to be a considerable difficulty, and at the
same time greatest upon the man's side. The man being
generally the eldest, his character, temper, and habits may
be more certainly known. Whereas there are sometimes
great disappointments on the other side, and that happily.
both ways. I am able just now to recollect one or two
instances of giddy and foolish, nay, of idle, lazy, drowsy
girls, who, after marriage, felt themselves interested, and
became as spirited and as active heads of families, as any
whatever; and also some of the most elegant and exem.
plary, who, after marriage, fell into a languid stupidity, and
contracted habits of the most odious and disgustful kind.


1) OMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 387
These instances, however, are rare, and those who will take
the pains to examine, may in general find satisfaction. It is
also proper to observe, that if a man finds it difficult to
judge of the temper and character of a woman, he has a
great advantage on his side, that the right of selection
belongs to him.
On the whole, I think that the calamities of the married
state are generally to be imputed to the persons themselves
in the following proportion : Three fourths to the man, for
Want of care and judgment in the choice, and one fourth to
the woman on the same score. Suppose a man had bought
a farm, and after a year or two, should, in conversation with
his neighbour, make heavy complaints how much he had
been disappointed, I imagine his friend might say to him,
“did you not see this land before you bought it?” “O yes,
I saw it often.” “Do you not understand soils 7” “I
think I do tolerably.” “Did you not examine it with care!”
“Not so much as I should have done, Standing at a certain.
place, it looked admirably well; the fences too were new,
and looked exceedingly neat; the house had been just
painted a stone colour, with panneling; the windows were
large and elegant; but I neglected entirely to examine the
sufficiency of the materials, or the disposition of apartments.
There were in the month of April two beautiful springs, but
since I have lived here they have been dry every year
before the middle of June.” “Did you not inquire of those
who had lived on the place of the permanency of the springs?”
“No, indeed, I omitted it.” “ Had you the full measure you
were promised?” “Yes, every acre.” “Was the right
complete and valid?” “Yes, yes, perfectly good: no man in
America can take it from me.” “Were you obliged to
take it up in part of a bad debt 7” “No, nothing like
it. I took such a fancy for it all at once, that I pestered
the man from week to week to let me have it.” “ Why
really then,” says his friend, “I think you had better keep
your complaints to yourself. Cursing and fretfulness
-

388 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
will never turn stones into earth, or sand into loam ; but I
can assure you that frugality, industry, and good culture
will make a bad farm very tolerable, and an indifferent one
truly good.”

RECESSITY OF EQALITY IN RANK AND AGE, IN THE MATRIMO-
NIAL UNION.
-
IT is by far the safest and most promising way, to marry
with a person nearly equal in rank, and perhaps in age.
This maxim has been in substance advanced by many
writers, and therefore little will need to be said upon it. I
must, however, explain its meaning, which is not always
clearly comprehended. By equality in rank must be un-
derstood equality, not in fortune, but in education, taste, and
habits of life. I do not call it inequality, when a gentleman
of estate marries a lady who has been from the beginning
brought up in the same class of society with himself, and is
in every respect as elegant in her sentiments and manners,
but by some incidents, that perhaps have lately happened,
is unequal to him in point of fortune. I know that from the
corrupt and selfish views which prevail so generally in the
world, a marriage of this kind is often considered as un-
equal, and an act of great condescension on the part of the
man ; but the sentiment is illiberal and unjust. In the
same manner, when a lady marries a gentleman of charac-
ter and capacity, and is in every respect suitable to her, but
that his estate is not equal to what she might expect, I do
not call it unequal. It is true, parents too frequently prefer
circumstances to character, and the female friends of a lady
at her own disposal, may say, in such a case, that she has
made a poor bargain. But, taking it still for granted that
the fortune only is unequal, I affirm there is nothing in this
circumstance that forebodes future dissensions but rather the
contrary. An act of generosity never produced a fretful
disposition in the person who did it, nor is it reasonable to
suppose it will often have that effect, on the one who re-
ceives it:

33*.
390 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
The importance, therefore, of equality, arises singly from
this circumstance—that there is a great probability that
the turn, taste, employments, amusements, and general
carriage of the persons so intimately joined, and so frequently
together, will be mutually agreeable. -
The occasion or motive of first entering into the marriage
contract, is not of so much consequence to the felicity of the
parties, as what they find after they are fairly engaged, and
cannot return back. When I visit a new country, my
judgment of it may be influenced a little, but neither much
nor long, by flattering hopes or hideous apprehensions, en-
tertained before actual trial. It has often been said, that
dissensions between married people generally take their rise
from very inconsiderable circumstances; to which I will
add, that this is most commonly the case among persons of
some station, sense, and breeding. This may seem odd,
but the difficulty is easily solved. Persons of this character
have a delicacy on the subject of so close a union, and ex-
pect a sweetness and compliance, in matters that would not
be minded by the vulgar; so that the smallness of the cir-
cumstance appears in their eye an aggravation of the
offence. I have known a gentleman of rank and his lady
part for life, by a difference arising from a thing said at
supper, that was not so much as observed to be an impro-
priety by three fourths of the company.
This, then, is what I apprehend occasions the importance
of equality in rank. Without this equality, they do not
understand one another sufficiently for continual intercourse.
Many causes of difference will arise, not only sudden and un-
expected, but impossible to be foreseen, and therefore not pro-
* vided against. I must also observe, that an explication or
expostulation, in the cases here in view, is more tedious and
difficult than any other—perhaps more dangerous and un-
certain in the issue. How shall the one attempt to convince
the other of an incongruity of behaviour, in what all their
former ideas have taught them to believe as innocent or


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 391
decent, sometimes even laudable 1 The attempt is often
considered as an insult on their former station, and instead
of producing concord, lays the foundation of continual soli-
citude, or increasing aversion. A man may be guilty of
speaking very unadvisedly through intemperate rage, or
may perhaps come home flustered with liquor, and his wife,
if prudent, may find a season for mentioning them, when the
admonition will be received with calmness, and followed by
reformation; but if she discovers her displeasure at rusticity
of carriage, or meanness of sentiment, I think there is little
hope that it will have any effect that is good. The habit
cannot be mended; yet he may have sagacity enough to see
that the wife of his bosom has despised him in her heart.
I am going to put a case. Suppose a gentleman of rank,
literature, and taste, has married a tradesman's daughter
for the sake of fortune, or from desire, which he calls love,
kindled by an accidental glance of a fresh-coloured young wo.
man; suppose her never to have had the opportunity of being in
what the world calls good company, and in consequence to
be wholly ignorant of the modes that prevail there : Sup-
pose, at the same time, that her understanding has never been
enlarged by reading or conversation. 'n such a case, how
Soon must passion be sated, and what innumerable causes
of shame and mortification must every day produce I am
not certain whether the difficulty will be greater, if she
continues the manners of her former, or attempts to put on
those of her present station. If any man thinks that he
can easily preserve the esteem and attention due to a wife
in such circumstances, he will probably be mistaken, and
no less so if he expects to communicate refinement by a
few lessons, or prevent misbehaviour by fretfulness, or
peevish and satirical remarks. -

THE SAME SUBJECT CONTENUED.
BUT let me come to another part of the maxim, which I
do not remember to have ever met with in any author—
that there is a much greater risk when a man marries
below his rank, than when a woman marries below hers.
As to the matter of fact, it depends entirely on the justness
and accuracy of my observations, of which every reader
must be left to judge for himself. I must, however, take
notice, that when I speak of a woman marrying helow her
station, I have no view at all to include—what there have
been some examples of a gentleman's daughter running
away with her father's footman, or a lady of quality with a
player. This is, in every instance, an act of pure lasci-
viousness, and is, without any exception that ever I heard
of, followed by immediate shame and future beggary. It
has not, however, any more connexion with marriage, than
transactions of a brothel, or the memoirs of a kept mistress,
The truth is, elopements in general are things of an ec-
centric nature : and when I hear of one, I seldom make any
further inquiry after the felicity of the parties.
Supposing, therefore, the fact to be as now stated, what
remains for me, is, to investigate a little the causes of it,
and point out those circumstances in human tempers and
characters, or in the state of society, which give us reason
to expect, that it will in most cases turn out so. -
1. It is much easier, in most cases, for a man to im-
prove or rise after marriage to a more elegant taste in
life, than a woman. I do not attribute this in the least to
superior natural talents, but to the more frequent oppor-
tunities he has of seeing the world, and conversing with

boMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYED. 393
persons of different ranks. There is no instance in which
the sphere of business and conversation is not more exten-
sive to the husband than the wife; and therefore if a man
is married to one of taste superior to his own, he may draw
gradually nearer to her, though she descend very little. I
think I can recollect more instances than one of a man in
business married at first to his equal, and on a second mar-
riage, to one of higher breeding, when not only the house
and family, but the man himself was speedily in a very dif.
ferent style. I can also recollect instances in which married
persons rose together to an opulent estate from almost no-
thing, and the man improved considerably in politeness, or
fitness for public life, but the woman not at all. The old
gossips and the old conversation continued to the very last.
It is not even without example, that a plain woman, raised
by the success of her husband, becomes impatient of the
society forced upon her, takes refuge in the kitchen, and
spends most of her agreeable hours with her servants, from
whom, indeed, she differs nothing but in name. A certain
person in a trading city in Great Britain, from being merely
a mechanic, turned dealer, and in a course of years acquired
an immense fortune. He had a strong desire that his fa-
mily should make a figure, and spared no expense in pur-
chasing velvets, silks, laces, &c.; but at last he found that it
was lost labour, and said very truly, that all the money in Great
Britain would not make his wife and his daughters ladies.
2. When a woman marries below her rank, I think it is,
generally speaking, upon better motives than when a man
marries below his, and therefore no wonder that it should
be attended with greater comfort. I find it asserted in se-
veral papers of the Spectator, and I think it must be admit-
ted by every impartial observer, that women are not half so
much governed, in their love attachments, by beauty, or
outward form, as men. A man of a very mean figure, if
he has any talents, joined to a tolerable power of speech,
will often make himself acceptable to a very lovely woman,


394 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
It is also generally thought that a woman rates a man pretty
much according to the esteem he is held in by his own sex;
if this be the case, it is to be presumed that when a man
succeeds in his addresses to a lady of higher breeding than
his own, he is not altogether void of merit, and therefore
will not in the issue disgrace her choice. This will be con-
firmed by reflecting that many such marriages must be with
persons of the learned professions—it is past a doubt that
literature refines as well as enlarges the mind, and generally
renders a man capable of appearing with tolerable dignity,
whatever have been the place or circumstances of his birth.
It is easy to see that the reverse of all this must happen
upon the other supposition : when a man marries below his
rank, the very best motive to which it can be attributed, is
an admiration of her beauty. Good sense, and other more
valuable qualities, are not easily seen under the disguise of
low breeding, and when they are seen, have seldom justice
done them. Now as beauty is much more fading than life,
and fades sooner in a husband's eye than any other, in a lit.
tle time nothing will remain but what tends to create unea-
siness and disgust.
3. The possession of the graces, or taste and elegance
of manners, is a much more important part of a female than
a male character. Nature has given a much greater de-
gree of beauty and sweetness to the outward form of wo-
men than of men, and has by that means pointed out wherein
their several excellencies should consist. From this, in
conjunction with the former observation, it is manifest, that
the man who finds in his wife a remarkable defect in point
of politeness, or the art of pleasing, will be much more dis-
appointed than the woman who finds a like defect in her
husband, Many do not form any expectation of refinement
in their husbands, even before marriage : a few, if I am
not much mistaken, are rather pleased than otherwise, to
think that any one who enters the house, perceives the dif:
ference between the elegance of the wife, and the plainn

DOM ESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 395
not to say the awkwardness of the husband. I have ob-
served this, even down to the lowest rank. A tradesman’s
or country farmer's wife will sometimes abuse and scold her
husband for want of order or cleanliness, and there is no
mark of inward malice or ill-humour in that scolding, be-
cause she is sensible it is her proper province to be accurate
in that matter. I think also, that the husband in such cases
is often gratified instead of being offended, because it pleases
him to think that he has a wife that does just as she ought
to do. But take the thing the other way, and there is no
rank of life, from the prince to the peasant, in which the
husband can take pleasure in a wife more awkward or more
slovenly than himself.
To sum up the whole, if some conformity or similarity of
manners is of the utmost consequence to matrimonial com-
fort—if taste and elegance are of more consequence to the
wife than the husband, according to their station: and, if it
is more difficult for her to acquire it after marriage, if she
does not possess it before—I humbly conceive I have fully
supported my proposition, that there is a much greater risk
in a man’s marrying below his station, than a woman’s de-
scending from hers.

THE CULTIVATION OF GOOD TEMPER IN LADIES.
My DEAR NIECE,
1 KNow not whether that strange caprice, that inequality
of taste and behaviour, so commonly attributed to our sex,
may be properly called a fault of temper; as it seems
not to be connected with or arising from our animal frame,
but to be rather the fruit of our own self-indulgence, degene.
rating by degrees into such a wantonness of will as knows

not how to please itself. When, instead of regulating our
actions by reason and principle, we suffer ourselves to be
guided by every slight and momentary impulse of inclina-
tion, we shall, doubtless, appear so variable and inconstant,
that nobody can guess, by our behaviour to-day, what may
be expected from us to-morrow; nor can we ourselves tell
whether what we delighted in a week ago will now afford us
the least degree of pleasure. It is in vain for others to attempt
to please us; we cannot please ourselves, though all we
could wish for waits our choice : and thus does a capricious
woman become sick of herself through very selfishness; and
when this is the case, it is easy to judge how sick others
must be of her, and how contemptible and disgusting she
must appear. This wretched state is the usual consequence
of power and flattery. May my dear child never meet
with the temptation of that excessive and ill-judged indul-
gence from a husband, which she has happily escaped from
her parents, and which seldom fails to reduce a woman to
the miserable condition of a humoured child, always unhappy
from having nobody’s will to study but its own. The
insolence of such demands for yourself, and such disre-
YDOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 397
gard to the choice and inclinations of others, can seldom
fail to make you as many enemies as there are persons
obliged to bear with your humours; whilst a compliant,
reasonable, and contented disposition, would render you
happy in yourself, and beloved by all your companions,
particularly by those who lived constantly with you; and
of what consequence this is to your happiness, a moment's
reflection will convince you. Family friendships are the
friendships made for us, if I may so speak, by God himself.
With the kindest intentions he has knit the bands of family
love by indispensable duties: and wretched are they who
have burst them asunder by violence and ill-will, or worn
them out by constant little disobligations, and by the want of
that attention to please which the presence of a stranger
always inspires, but which is so often shamefully neglected
towards those whom it is most our duty and interest to
please. May you, my dear, be wise enough to see that
every faculty of entertainment, every engaging qualification
which you possess, is exerted to the best advantage for
those whose love is of most importance to you : for
those who live under the same roof, and with whom you
are connected for life, either by the ties of blood, or by the
still more sacred obligations of a voluntary engagement.
To make you the delight and darling of your family,
something more is required than barely to be exempt from
ill-temper and troublesome humours. The sincere and
genuine smiles of complacency and love must adorn your
countenance. That ready compliance, that alertness to
assist and oblige, which demonstrates true affection, must
animate your behaviour, and endear your most common
actions. Politeness must accompany your greatest familiari-
ties, and restrain you from every thing that is really offen-
sive, or which can give a moment’s unnecessary pain. Con-
versation, which is so apt to grow dull and insipid in families,
nay, in some to be almost wholly laid aside, must be culti-
Vated with the frankness and openness of friendship, and by


34
398 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
the mutual communication of whatever may conduce to the
improvement or innocent entertainment of each other.
Reading, whether apart or in common, will furnish
useful and pleasing subjects; and the sprightliness of youth
will naturally inspire harmless mirth and native humour, if
encouraged by a mutual desire of diverting each other, and
making the hours pass agreeably in your own house:
every amusement that offers will be heightened by the par-
ticipation of these dear companions, and by talking over
every incident together, and every object of pleasure. If
you have any acquired talent of cntertainment, such as
music, painting, or the like, your own family are those be-
fore whom you should most wish to excel, and for whom
you should always be ready to exert yourself; not suffer-
ing the accomplishments which you have gained, perhaps,
by their means, and at their expense, to lie dormant, till the
arrival of a stranger gives you spirit in the performance.
Where this last is the case, you may be sure vanity is the
only motive of the exertion. A stranger will praise you
more : but how little sensibility has that heart, which is no
more gratified by the silent pleasure painted on the counte-
nance of a partial parent, or of an affectionate brother, than by
the empty compliments of a visitor, who is, perhaps, inwardly
more disposed to criticise and ridicule than to admire you?
Watch, therefore, my dear child, the symptoms of ill-tem-
per, as they rise, with a firm resolution to conquer them
before they are even perceived by any other person. In
every such inward conflict, call upon your Maker to assist
the feeble nature he has given you, and sacrifice to Him
every feeling that would tempt you to disobedience; so will
you at length attain that true Christian meekness which is
blessed in the sight of God and man : “which has the pro-
mise of this life as well as of that which is to come.” Then
will you pity in others those infirmities which you have
conquered in yourself; and will think yourself as much


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 399
bound to assist, by your patience and gentleness, those who
are so unhappy as to be under the dominion of evil passions,
as you are to impart a share of your riches to the poor and
miserable. Adieu, my dearest. *


MARRIED AND SINGLE LIFE COMPARED, IN A LETTER TO A.
LADY.
-
My DEAR L
If I were called upon to write the history of a woman's
trials and sorrows, I would date it from the moment when
nature has pronounced her marriageable, and she feels
that innocent desire of associating with the other sex, which
needs not a blush. If I had a girl of my own, at this criti.
cal age, I should be full of the keenest apprehensions for her
safety; and like the great poet, when the tempter was
–bent on seducing our first parents from their innocence and
happiness, I should invoke the assistance of some guardian-
angel to conduct her through the slippery and dangerous
paths. -
You must remember the passage :

“O for that warning voice, which he who heard,” &c.
Marriage is, doubtless, the most natural, innocent, and
useful state, if you can form it to any tolerable advantage.
It bids fairest for that little portion of happiness which this
life admits; and is, in some degree, a duty which we owe
to the world. If entered into from proper motives, it is a
source of the greatest benefit to the community, as well as
of private comfort to themselves. What are the highest
blessings, unsweetened by society? How poignant are
many sorrows of life, without a friend to alleviate and
divide them How many are the moments, how many are
the exigencies, in which we want sympathy, tenderness,
attention And what is a moping individual to the world,
DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 401
compared with the woman who acts in the tender character
of a wife or parent, and, by a religious culture of an off.
spring, is training up inhabitants for the kingdom of heaven.
A single woman is particularly defenceless. She can-
not move beyond the precincts of her house without appre-
hensions. She cannot go with ease or safety into public.
She is surrounded with many real dangers, and fancy con-
jures up more spectres of its own, to disturb her repose.
As she goes down the hill of life, her friends gradually,
drop away from her, like leaves in the autumn, and leave
her a pining, solitary creature. Even brothers and sisters,
when married themselves, lose their usual fondness for her,
in the ardours of a newly acquired connexion; and she
wanders through a wide, bustling world, uncomfortable in
herself, uninteresting to others, frequently the sport of wan-
ton ridicule, or a proverb of reproach.
Men are often too much engrossed with business, ambi.
tion, or criminal pursuits, to think very seriously of this con-
nexion; but if they happen to remain single, their very
efforts become their amusement, and keep them from expe.
riencing that unquiet indolence, which, by enervating the
mind, powerfully awakens imagination and the senses. A
woman has abundant leisure to brood over her inquietude,
and to nurse the vapours, till they terminate in disease.
She has not so many methods for dissipating thought. Her
element is her household, and the management of her chil-
dren; and till she becomes a mother, she has no object of
consequence enough to occupy the mind, and preserve it
from feeling unpleasant agitations. -
I mean not, however, to insinuate, that there is any thing
really reproachful in virginity, unless a woman chooses to
render it such, by verifying the stigmas which have been
fixed upon it, and substantiating, in her own practice, º:
-
malevolence, envy, scandal, curiosity, and spleen, which
have so often sarcastically been imputed to the sisterhood.
It may be, and sometimes is, the choice of very amiable
34+ . . .".
º


402 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
women, who would not marry any but the man of their
affections, or with whom they had a rational prospect of
happiness; who, having been by death or disappointment
deprived of one, had a delicacy that never admitted the idea
of a second attachment, or who were not so devoid of prin-
ciple and taste, as to be connected with a dissolute, drunken,
or abandoned person, whatever might be his fortune, conse-
quence, or connexions. Women, who act from such principles,
may be exposed to the indelicate scoffs of the licentious, but
must have the unreserved esteem and veneration of all the
sensible and the good.
It should no , however, be dissembled, (for it arises from
natural principles,) that married women are generally more
pleasing than such as never formed this connexion. Their
hearts are continually refined, softened, and enlarged, by
the exercise of all the tender feelings to an offspring, whilst
the weighty concerns of their particular families raise them
above that frivolous insipidity, which, with whatever justice,
is the proverbial stigma of a single state.
A married woman, likewise, has banished that shy re-
serve, which young ladies think themselves, and, indeed, in
some degree are obliged to practice, but which, necessary
as it may be, conceals many of their loveliest graces. The
| society, moreover, of a sensible man gives, to a female, a
richer fund of ideas, a superior mode of thinking and acting,
agreeably tempers her vivacity with seriousness, and intro-
duces her to many improving acquaintance and entertaining
circles, from which the ceremonious coldness of a virgin
state must have kept her at an unapproachable distance.
Be not, however, disappointed, if all your merit and
amiableness do not secure to you such a connexion as your
principles and judgment can approve. *
- In proportion as the morals of men are depraved, mar-
riage will always be unfashionable and rare; and there are
thousands amongst us, who have neither knowledge, sense,
or virtue enough, to wish for all that delicacy of friendship,




I}OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 403
sprightliness of conversation, or ease of manners, which
only an accomplished woman can bestow, or for those inno-
cent domestic enjoyments, which communicate the highest
flavour to, and are the grand and ultimate end of, an inter.
course between the sexes,




MARKS OF AN HONOURABLE LOVER—A FATHER’s ADVICE
TO HIS I)AUGHTERS.
ºly to be the consequence of our attachment to you. Now,
supposing a woman to have sense and taste, she will not
find many men to whom she can possibly be supposed to
bear any considerable share of esteem. Among these few,
it is a very great chance if any of them distinguishes her
particularly. Love, at least with us, is exceedingly capri-
cious, and will not always fix where reason says it should.
But supposing one of them should become particularly at-
tached to her, it is still extremely improbable that he should
be the man in the world her heart most approved of .
As, therefore, nature has not given you that unlimited
range in your choice which we enjoy, she has wisely and
benevolently assigned to you a greater flexibility of taste on
this subject. Some agreeable qualities recommend a gen-
tleman to your common good liking and friendship. In the
course of his acquaintance, he contracts an attachment to
you. When you perceive it, it excites your gratitude ; this
gratitude rises into a preference, and this preference, perhaps,
at last advances to some degree of attachment, especially if
it meets with erosses and difficulties; for these, and a state
of suspense, are very great incitements to attachment, and
are the food of love in both sexes. If attachment was not
excited in your sex in this manner, there is not one of a
million of you that could ever marry with any degree of
love. - - º



DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. - 405
A man of taste and delicacy marries a woman because
he loves her more than any other. A woman of equal taste
and delicacy marries him because she esteems him, and be-
cause he gives her that preference. But if a man unfortu-
nately become attached to a woman whose heart is secretly
pre-engaged, his attachment, instead of obtaining a suitable
return, is particularly offensive; and if he persists to teaze
her, he makes himself equally the object of her scorn and
aversion. - -
The effects of love among men are diversified by their
different tempers. An artful man may counterfeit every
one of them, so as easily to impose on a young girl of an
open, generous, and feeling heart, if she is not extremely on
her guard. The finest parts in such a girl may not always
prove sufficient for her security. The dark and crooked
paths of cunning are unsearchable, and inconceivable to an
honourable and elevated mind.
The following, I apprehend, are the most genuine effects
of an honourable passion among the men, and the most diſ.
ficult to counterfeit. A man of delicacy often betrays his
passion by his too great anxiety to conceal it, especially if
he has little hopes of success. True love, in all its stages,
seeks concealment, and never expects success. It renders
a man not only respectful, but timid to the highest degree, in
his behaviour to the woman he loves. To conceal the awe
he stands in of her, he may sometimes affect pleasantry,
but it sits awkwardly on him, and he quickly relapses into
seriousness, if not into dulness. He magnifies all her real
perfections in his imagination, and is either blind to her fail-
ings, or converts them into beauties. Like a person con-
scious of guilt, he is jealous that every eye observes him ;
and to avoid this he shuns all the little observances of com,
mon gallantry. .
His heart and his character will be improved in every
respect by his attachment. His manners will become more
gentle, and his conversation more agreeable ; but diffidence
-


406 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and embarrassment will always make him appear to disad.
vantage in the company of his mistress. If the fascination
continue long, it will totally depress his spirit, and extinguish
every active, vigorous, and manly principle of his mind.
You will find this subject beautifully and pathetically painted
in Thomson's Spring.
When you observe in a gentleman's behaviour these
marks which I have described above, reflect seriously what
you are to do. If his attachment is agreeable to you, I
leave you to do as nature, good sense, and delicacy, shall di-
rect you. If you love him, let me advise you never to dis-
cover to him the full extent of your love, no, not although
you marry him. That sufficiently shows your preference,
which is all he is entitled to know. If he has delicacy, he
will ask for no stronger proof of your affection, for your
sake; if he has sease, he will not ask it for his own. This
is an unpleasant truth, but it is my duty to let you know it.
Violent love canno; subsist, at least cannot be expressed, for
any time together on both sides; otherwise the certain con-
sequence, however concealed, is satiety and disgust. Na-
ture, in this case, has laid the reserve on you.--
... If you see evident proofs of a gentleman's attachment,
and are determined to shut your heart against him, as you
ever hope to be used with generosity by the person who
shall engage your own heart, treat him honourably and hu-
manely. Do not let him linger in a miserable suspense,
but be anxious to let him know your sentiments with regard,
to him. At least, do not shun opportunities of letting him
explain himself. If you do this, you act barbarously and
unjustly. If he brings you to an explanation, give him a
polité, but resolute and decisive answer. In whatever way
you convey your sentiments to him, if he is a man of spirit
and delicacy, he will give you no further trouble, nor apply
to your friends for their intercession. This last is a method
of courtship which every man of spirit will disdain. He
will never whine nor sue for your pity. That would mortify
*

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 407
him almost as much as your scorn. In short, you may pos-
sibly break such a heart, but you can never bend it. Great
pride always accompanies delicacy, however concealed un-
der the appearance of the utmost gentleness and modesty,
and is the passion of all others the most difficult to conquer,
-


M.J. LE AND FEMALE COQUETRY. —A FATHER's ADVICE To His
DAUGHTER .
THERE is a case where a woman may coquet justifiably
to the utmost verge which her conscience will allow. It is
where a gentleman purposely declines to make his addresses
till such time as he thinks himself perfectly sure of her con-
sent. This at bottom is intended to force a woman to give
up the undoubted privilege of her sex, the privilege of re-
fusing; it is intended to force her to explain herself, in effect,
before the gentleman deigns to do it, and by this means to
oblige her to violate the modesty and delicacy of her sex,
and to invert the clearest order of nature. All this sacri-
fice is proposed to be made, merely to gratify a most despi-
cable vanity in a man who would degrade the very woman
whom he wishes to make his wife. -
It is of great importance to distinguish whether a gentle-
man who has the appearance of being your lover, delays to
speak explicitly, from the motive I have mentioned, or from
a diffidence inseparable from true attachment. In the one
CaSe, you can scarcely use him too ill; in the other, you
ought to use him with great kindness; and the greatest kind-
ness you can show him, if you are determined not to listen to
his addresses, is to let him know it as soon as possible.
I know the many excuses with which women endeavour -
to justify themselves to the world, and to their own con-
sciences, when they act otherwise. Sometimes they plead
ignorance, or at least uncertainty, of the gentleman's

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 409
real sentiments. That may sometimes be the case.
Sometimes they plead the decorum of their sex, which en-
joins an equal behaviour to all men, and forbids them to
consider any man as a lover till he has directly told them
so. Perhaps few women carry their ideas of female deli-
cacy and decorum so far as I do. But I must say you are
not entitled to plead the obligation of these virtues in op-
position to the superior ones of gratitude, justice, and human-
ity. The man is entitled to all these, who prefers you to
the rest of your sex, and perhaps whose greatest weakness
is this very preference. The truth of the matter is, vanity,
and the love of admiration, is so prevailing a passion among
you, that you may be considered to make a very great sacrifice
whenever you give up a lover, till every art of coquetry
fails to keep him, or till he forces you to an explanation.
You can be fond of the love, when you are indifferent to, or
even when you despise, the lover. -º-
But the deepest and most artful coquetry is employed by
women of superior taste and sense, to engage and fix the
heart of a man whom the world, and whom they themselves
esteem, although they are firmly determined never to marry
him. But his conversation amuses them, and his attach-
ment is the highest gratification to their vanity; nay, they
can sometimes be gratified with the utter ruin of his fortune,
fame and happiness. God forbid I should ever think so of
all your sex! I know many of them have principles, have
generosity and dignity of soul, that elevates them above the
worthless vanity I have been speaking of
Such a woman, I am persuaded, may always convert a
lover, if she cannot give him her affections, into a warm and
steady friend, provided he is a man of sense, resolution, and
andour. If she explains herself to him with a generous
openness and freedom, he must feel the stroke as a man;
but he will likewise bear it as a man: what he suffers, he
will suffer in silence. Every sentiment of esteem will re.
main ; but love, though it requires very little food





35 -
410 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
and is easily surfeited with too much, yet it requires
some. He will view her in the light of a married woman;
and though passion subsides, yet a man of a candid and ge.
merous heart always retains a tenderness for a woman he has
once loved, and who has used him well, beyond what he feels
for any other of her sex.
If he has not confided his own secret to any body, he
has an undoubted title to ask you not to divulge it. If a
woman chooses to trust any of her companions with her
own unfortunate attachments, she may, as it is her own
affair alone; but if she has any generosity or gratitude,
she will not betray a secret which does not belong to
her.
Male coquetry is much more inexcusable than fe-
male, as well as more pernicious; but it is rare in this
country. Very few men will give themselves the trou-
ble to gain or retain any woman's affections, unless
they have views on them either of an honourable or dis-
honourable kind. Men employed in the pursuit of busi-
mess, ambition, or pleasure, will not give themselves the
trouble to engage a woman's affections, merely from
the vanity of conquest, and of triumphing over the
heart of an innocent and defenceless girl. Besides, people.
never value much what is entirely in their power.
A man of parts, sentiment, and address, if he lays aside
all regard to truth and humanity, may engage the
hearts of fifty women at the same time, and may like- .
wise conduct his coquetry with so much art, as to put
it out of the power of any of them to specify a single
expression that could be said to be directly expressive of
love. -
This ambiguity of behaviour, this art of keeping one in
suspense, is the great secret of coquetry in both sexes.
It is the more cruel in us, because we can carry it what
length we please, and continue it as long as We please,

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 411
without your being so much as at liberty to complain or
expostulate : whereas we can break our chain, and force
you to explain, whenever we become impatient of our
situation. ºr

MATRIMONY TOO OFTEN RIDICULED–AND BEAUTY TOO HIGHLY
EXTOLLED,
-
NoTHING can be more contrary to reason or public
utility, than the conversation and writings of those who turn
matrimony into ridicule; yet it is in many cases as weakly
defended, as it is unjustly attacked.
Those who treat marriage with ridicule, act in direct and
deliberate opposition to the order of Providence, and to the
constitution of the society of which they are members.
The true reason why they are borne with so patiently, is,
that the Author of our nature has implanted in us instinc-
tive propensities, which are by much too strong for their
feeble attacks. But if we are to estimate the malignity of
a man’s conduct or sentiments, not from their effect, but
from their native tendency, and his inward disposition, it is
not easy to imagine any thing more criminal, than an at-
tempt to bring marriage into disesteem. It is plainly an
effort, not only to destroy the happiness, but to prevent the
existence of human nature. A man who continues through
life in a single state, ought, in justice, to endeavour to satisfy
the public that his case is singular, and that he has some
insuperable"obstacle to plead in his excuse. If, instead of
- this, he reasons in defence of his own conduct, and takes
upon him to condemn that of others, it is at once incredible
and absurd: that is to say, he can Scarcely be believed to
be sincere. And whether he be sincere or not, he deserves
to be detested.
In support of the last part of my remark, let it be ob-
served, that those who write in defence of marriage, usually
give such sublime and exalted descriptions, as are not
realized in one case out of a thousand ; and therefore
cannot be a just motive to a considerate man. Instead.


DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEd. 413
of insisting on the absolute necessity of marriage for the
service of the state, and the solid advantages that arise from
it in ordinary cases; they give us a certain refined idea of
felicity, which hardly exists any where but in the writer's
imagination. Even the Spectator, than whom there is hardly
in our language a more just and rational writer, after say-
ing many excellent things in defence of marriage, scarcely
ever fails to draw the character of a lady in such terms,
that I may safely say not above one that answers the de-
scription is to be found in a parish, or perhaps a coun-
try. Now is it not much better to leave the matter to
the force of nature, than to urge it by such arguments as
these ? Is the manner of thinking induced by such writings,
likely to hasten or postpone a man's entering into the mar-
riage state 7 -
There is also a fault, I think, to be found in almost every
writer who speaks in favour of the female sex, that they
overrate the charms of the outward form. This is the case
in all romances—a class of writings to which the world is
very little indebted. The same thing may be said of plays,
where the heroine for certain, and often all the ladies that
are introduced, are represented as inimitably beautiful.
Even Mr. Addison himself, in his admirable description of
Martia, which he puts in the mouth of Juba, though it be-
gins with,
'Tis not a set of features or complexion, &c.
yet could not help inserting,
True she is fair! O, how divinely fair!
Now, I apprehend, this is directly contrary to what should
be the design of every moral writer. Men are naturally
too apt to be carried away with the admiration of a beauti-
ful face. Must it not, therefore, confirm them in this error,
when beauty is made an essential part of every amiable
sharacter The preference such, writers pretend to give

35*
414 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
to the mental qualities, goes but a little way to remedy the
evil. If they are never separated in the description, where-
ever men find the one, they will presume upon the other.
But is this according to truth, or agreeable to experience?
What vast numbers of the most valuable women are to be
found, who are by no means “divinely fair tº Are these all
to be neglected, then 7 Or is it not certain, from experience,
that there is not a single quality on which matrimonial hap-
piness depends, so little, as outward form 1 Every other
quality that is good, will go a certain length to atone for
what is bad; as, for example, if a woman is active and in-
dustrious in her family, it will make a husband bear with
more patience a little anxiety of countenance, or fretfulness
of temper, though in themselves disagreeable. But (always
supposing the honey-moon to be over) I do not think that
beauty atones in the least degree for any bad quality what-
soever; it is, on the contrary, an aggravation of them,
being considered as a breach of faith, or deception, by hold-
ing out a false signal. -

THE HAPPINESS AND UNHAPPINESS OF THE MARRIED STATE
OVERRATED.
IN the married state in general, there is not so much hap.
piness as young lovers dream of; nor is there by far so
much unhappiness, as loose authors universally suppose.
The first part of this aphorism will probably be easily
admitted. Before mentioning, however, the little I mean to --
say upon it, I beg leave to observe, that it would be quite
wrong to blame the tenderness and fervency of affection,
by which the sexes are drawn to one another, and that ge.
nerous devotedness of hearts which is often to be seen on
one, and sometimes on both sides. This is nature itself;
and when under the restraint of reason, and government of
prudence, may be greatly subservient to the future happiness
of life. But there is certainly an extravagance of senti-
ment and language on this subject, that is at once ridiculous
in itself, and the proper cause, in due time, of wretchedness
and disappointment. -
Let any man, who has outlived these sensations himself,
and has leisure to be amused, dip a little into the love songs
that have been composed and published, from Anacreon to
the present day, and what a fund of entertainment will he
find provided for him! The heathen gods and goddesses
are the standing and lawful means of celebrating the praises
of a mistress, before whom, no doubt, Venus, for beauty, and
Minerva for wisdom, must go for nothing. Every image
in nature has been called up, to heighten our idea of female
charms—the paleness of the lily, the freshness of the rose,
the blush of the violet, and the vermilion of the peach.









416 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
This is even still nothing. One of the most approved topics
of a love-sick writer is, that all nature fades and mourns at
the absence of his fair, and puts on a new bloom at her ap-
proach. All this, we know well, has place only in his ima-
gination; for nature proceeds quietly in her course, without
minding him and his charmer in the least. But we are not
yet done. The glory of the heavenly orbs, the lustre of
the sun himself, and even the joys of heaven, are frequently
and familiarly introduced, to express a lover's happiness or,
hopes. Flames, darts, arrows, and lightning from a female
eye, have been expressions as old, at least, as the art of
writing, and are still in full vogue. Some of these we can
find no other fault with than that they are a little outre, as
the French express it; but I confess I have sometimes been
surprised at the choice of lightning, because it is capable of
a double applicatiºn, and may put us in mind that some
wives have lightning in their eyes sufficient to terrify a hus-
band, as well as the maids have to consume a lover.
Does not all this show, that young persons are apt to in-
dulge themselves with romantic expectations of a delight,
both extatic and permanent, such as never did and never
can exist? And does it not at the same time expose matri-
mony to the scoffs of libertines, who, knowing that these
raptures must soon come to an end, think it sufficient to
disparage the state itself, that some inconsiderate persons
have not met with in it, what it was never intended to be-
stow'ſ
There is not by far so much unhappiness in the married state
in general, as loose authors universally suppose. I choose to
state the argument in this manner, because it is much more
satisfying than drawing pictures of the extremes on either
hand. It signifies very little, on the one hand, to describe
the state of a few persons distinguished for understanding,
successful in life, respected by the public, and dear to one
another; or, on the other, those hateful brawls which by and
by produce an advertisement in the newspapers: “Whereas

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 417
Sarah, the wife of the subscriber, has eloped from his bed
and board,” &c. If we would treat of this matter with
propriety, we must consider how it stands among the bulk
of mankind. The proposition, then, I mean to establish is,
that there is much less unhappiness in the matrimonial state
than is often apprehended, and indeed as much real comfort
as there is any ground to expect.
To support this truth, I observe that, taking mankind
throughout, we find much more satisfaction and cheerful.
ness in the married than in the single. In proportion to
their numbers, I think of those that are grown up to ma-
turer years, or past the meridian of life, there is a much
greater degree of peevishness and discontent, whimsicalness
and peculiarity, in the last than in the first. The prospect
of continuing single to the end of life, narrows the mind and
closes the heart. I knew an instance of a gentleman of
good estate, who lived single till he was past forty, and he
was esteemed by all his neighbours not only frugal, but
mean in some parts of his conduct. This same person
afterwards marrying and having children, every body
observed that he became liberal and open-hearted on the
change, when one would have thought he had a stronger
motive than before, to save and hoard up. On this a neigh-
bour of his made a remark, as a philosopher, that every ul-
timate passion is stronger than an intermediate one ; that a
single person loves wealth immediately, and on his own
account ; whereas a parent can scarcely help preferring
his children before it, and valuing it only for their sakes.
This leads me to observe, that marriage must be the source
of happiness, as being the immediate cause of many other
relations, the most interesting and delightful. I cannot easily
figure to myself any man who does not look upon it as the
first of earthly blessings to have children, to be the objects of
attachment and care when they are young, and to inherit
his name and substance, when he himself must, in the course
of nature, go off the stage. Does not this very circum-


4.18 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PortRAYEd.
stance give unspeakable dignity to each parent in the other's
eye, and serve to increase and confirm that union, which
youthful passion, and less durable motives, first occasioned
to take place? I rather choose to mention this argument,
because neither exalted understanding nor elegance of man-
ners are necessary to give it force. It is felt by the peasant
as well as by the prince; and, if we believe some observers
on human life, its influence is not less, but greater, in the
lower than in the higher ranks.
Before I proceed to any further remarks, I must say a
few words, to prevent or remove deception, which very
probably leads many into error on this subject. It is no
other than a man's supposing what would not give him hap-
piness, cannot give it to another. Because, perhaps, there
are few married women, whose persons, conversation, man-
ners, and conduct, are altogether to his taste, he takes upon
him to conclude, that the husbands, in these numerous in-
stances, must lead a miserable life. Is it needful to say any
thing to show the ſallacy of this The tastes and disposi-
tions of men are as various as their faces; and therefore
what is displeasing to one, may be, not barely tolerable, but
agreeable to another. I have known a husband delighted
with his wife's fluency and poignancy of speech in scolding
her servants, and another who was not able to bear the least
noise of the kind with patience.
Men may talk in raptures of youth and beauty, wit and
sprightliness, and a hundred other shining qualities; but
after seven years union, not one of them is compared to
good family management, which is seen at every meal
and felt every hour in the husband's purse. To this,
however, I must apply the caution given above. Such
a wife may not appear quite skilling to a stranger
on a visit. There are a few distinguished examples
of Women of the first rate understandings, who have
all the elegance of court breeding in the parlour, and all the
frugality and activity of a farmer's wife in the kitchen; but

DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 419
I have not found this to be the case in general. I learned
from a certain author many years ago, that “a great care
of household affairs generally spoils the free, careless air of
a fine lady;’
since.
’ and I have seen no reason to disbelieve it

-
HAPPINESS, How SECURED IN THE MARRIED STATE.
—Nothing lovelier can be found
In woman, than to study household good,
And good works in her husband to promote.
My brother Tranquillus being gone out of town for some
days, my sister Jenny sent me word she would come and
dine with me, and therefore desired me to have no other
company, I took care accordingly, and was not a little
pleased to see her enter the room with a decent and matron-
like behaviour, which I thought very much became her. I
saw she had a great deal to say to me, and easily discovered,
in her eyes, and the air of her countenance, that she had
abundance of satisfaction in her heart, which she longed to
communicate. However, I was resolved to let her break
into her discourse her own way, and reduced her to a
thousand little devices and intimations, to bring to the men-
* tion of her husband. But finding I was resolved not to
name him, she began of her own accord. “My husband,”
said she, “gives his humble service to you,” to which I only
answered, “I hope he is well;” and without waiting for a
reply, fell into other subjects. She at last was out of all
patience, and said, with a smile and manner that I thought
had more beauty and spirit than I had ever observed before
in her, “I did not think, brother, you had been so ill-natured.
You have seen, ever since I came in, that I had a mind to
talk of my husband, and you will not be so kind as to give
me an occasion.”—“I did not know,” said I, “but it m,ght
be a disagreeable subject to you. You do not take me for so
old-fashioned a fellow, as to think of entertaining a young lady



fooMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED, 421

with the discourse of her husband. I know nothing is more s,
acceptable than to speak to one that is to be so, but to speak of
one who is so! indeed, Jenny, I am a better bred man
than you think me.” She showed a little dislike at my
raillery; and, by her bridling up, I perceived she expected
to be treated hereafter not as Jenny Distaff, but Mrs. Tran-
quillus. I was very well pleased with this change in her
humour; and, on talking with her on several subjects, I
could not but fancy that I saw a great deal of her husband’s
way and manner in her remarks, her phrases, the tone of
her voice, and the very air of her countenance. This gave
me an unspeakable satisfaction, not only because I had
found a husband, from whom she could learn many things
that were laudable, but also because I looked upon her imi-
tation of him as an infallible sign that she entirely loved
him. This is an observation that I never knew to fail,
though I do not remember that any other has made it. The
natural shyness of her sex hindered her from telling me the
*greatness of her own passion; but I easily collected it from
the representation she gave me of him. “I have every
thing,” says she, “in Tranquillus, that I can wish for; and -
enjoy in him, what indeed you have told me were to be met
with in a good husband, the fondness of a lover, the tender.
mess of a parent, and the intimacy of a friend.” It trans-
ported me, to see her eyes swimming in tears of affection
when she spoke. “And is there not, dear sister,” said I,
“more pleasure in the possession of such a man, than in all
the little impertinencies of balls, assemblies, and equipage,
which it cost me so much pains to make you condemn?”
She answered, smilingly, “Tranquillus has made me a sin.
cere convert in a few weeks, though I am afraid you could
not have done it in your whole life. To tell you truly, I
have only one fear hanging upon me, which is apt to give
me trouble in the midst of all my satisfactions: I am afraid,
you must know, that I shall not always make the same
amiable appearance in his eye that I do at present. You
36.
422 E)OMEST1C HAPPINESS PORTRAYEY).
know, brother Bickerstaff, that you have the reputation of a
conjuror; and, if you have any one secret in your art to -
make your sister always beautiful, I should be happier than
if I were mistress of all the worlds you have shown me in
a starry night. ” “Jenny,” said I, “without having
recourse to magic, I shall give you one plain rule, that will
not fail of making you always amiable to a man who has
so great a passion for you, and is of so equal and reasona-
ble a temper as Tranquillus. Endeavour to please, and you
must please; be always in the same disposition as you are
when you ask for this secret, and you may take my word,
you will never want it. An inviolable fidelity, good hu-
mour, and complacency of temper, outlive all the charms
of a fine face, and make the decays of it invisible.”
We discoursed very long upon this head, which was
equally agreeable to us both; for, I must confess, as I ten-
derly love her, I take as much pleasure in giving her in-
structions for her welfare, as she herself does in receiving
them. I proceeded, therefore, to inculcate these sentiments, *
by relating a very particular passage that happened within.
my own knowledge. -
There were several of us making merry at a friend's,
house in a country village, when the sexton of the parish
church entered the room in a sort of surprise, and told us,
“that as he was digging a grave in the chancel, a little
blow of his pick-axe opened a decayed coffin, in which
there were several written papers.” Our curiosity was im-
mediately raised, so that we went to the place where the
sexton had been at work, and found a great concourse of
people about the grave. Among the rest, there was an old
woman, who told us, the person buried there was a lady
whose name I do not think fit to mention, though there is
nothing in the story but what tends very much to her honour.
This lady lived several years an exemplary pattern of con-
jugal love, and, dying soon after her husband, who every
Way. answered her character in virtue and affection, made.


DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED. 423
it her death-bed request, “that all the letters which she had
received from him, before and after her marriage, should be
buried in the coffin with her.” These, I found upon exami-
nation, were the papers beſore us. Several of them had
suffered so much by time, that I could only pick out a few
words; such as my soul / lilies / roses 1 dearest angel ! and
the like. One of them, which was legible throughout, ran
thus:
“ MADAM, -
“If you would know the greatness of my love, consider
that of your own beauty. That blooming countenance,
that snowy bosom, that graceful person, return every mo-
ment to my imagination: the brightness of your eyes hath
º
hindered me from closing mine since I last saw you. You
may still add to your beauties by a smile. A frown will
make me the most wretched of men, as I am the most pas-
sionate of lovers.”
It filled the whole company with a deep melancholy, to
compare the description of the letter with the person that
occasioned it, who was now reduced to a few crumbling
bones, and a little mouldering heap of earth. With much
ado I deciphered another letter, which began with “My
dear, dear wife.” This gave me a curiosity to see how the
style of one written in marriage differed ſrom one written
in courtship. To my surprise, I found the fondness rather
augmented than lessened, though the panegyric turned upon
a different accomplishment. The words were as follows:
“Before this short absence from you, I did not know that
I loved you so much as I really do ; though, at the same
time, I thought I loved you as much as possible. I am un-
der great apprehension, lest you should have any uneasi.
ness whilst I am defrauded of my share in it, and cannot
think of tasting any pleasure that you do not partake with
me. Pray, my dear, be careful of your health, if for no


424 DOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEE),
other reason but because you know I could not outlive you,
It is natural in absence to make professions of an inviola-
ble constancy; but towards so much merit it is scarce a vir-
tue, especially when it is but a bare return to that of which
you have given me such continued proof ever since our first
acquaintance. I am, &c.”
It happened that the daughter of these two excellent per-
sons was by when I was reading this letter. At the sight
of the coffin, in which was the body of her mother, near
that of her father, she melted into a flood of tears. As I
had heard a great character of her virtue, and observed in
her this instance of filial piety, I could not resist my natural
inclination of giving advice to young people, and therefore
addressed myself to her. “Young lady,” said I, “you see
how short is the possession of that beauty, in which nature
has been so liberal to you. You find the melancholy sight
before you is a contradiction to the first letter that you heard
on that subject; whereas, you may observe, the second let-
ter, which celebrates your mother's constancy, is itself."
being found in this place, an argument of it. But, madam,
I ought to caution you, not to think the bodies that lie before
you your father and your mother. Know, their constancy
is rewarded by a nobler union than by this mingling of their
ashes, in a state where there is no danger or possibility of a
second separation.” - -

i.INES ON RELIGION AND WIRTUE.
O why doth happiness so often flee
From the high dome where pomp and power dwell ?
O why, when all around breathes but of glee,
Does the sad heart alone of sorrow tell ?
And why so oft doth pleasure’s votary
Count out his bitterly repentant tears,
While he, whose seeming lot is misery,
Wears a calm brow, and feels unmoved by fears 1
'Tis not their outward circumstance and lot
That gives men joy or sorrow, thine the power,
O virtue! to shed calmness o'er each thought,
And thine still more to cheer the drooping hour—
Holy and blest religion and impart -
A pure, awakening influence,—thy voice
Can soothe the sorrowful, revive his heart,
And teach the weary wanderer to rejoice,
Pointing to bright and glorious worlds to come,
Where he will find a welcome and a home.
How holy is thy light ! how glad its beam,
In hours of darkness nor in those alone.
O bright its cheering radiance can stream
Over the peasant's cot, the monarch's dome.
Bright too can gild each low sequestered vale,
And in life's desert flow a living spring,
To those who seek for peace, whose humble tale
Might to the proud nor mirth nor pleasure bring,
Whose labours all are shared, whose hearts attuned
To mutual harmony are thankful too;



426 DOMIESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
Though low their way, yet flowers have in it bloomed :
Their life obscure, yet bright hath been its hue.
Blest, too, such influence, where want and care,
With all their wretched train of ills, are found,
Where joyless hearts would sink in wild despair,
Did not religion spread sweet peace around,
And virtue gird each suffering soul with might,
Patient to bear the worst. Oh it does seem
At times, as if, through tears, the rainbow light
Of mild religion doth the brighter beam,
Such peace it gives; yea, so abides there,
The house of want is changed to house of prayer—
A temple where the living God is praised,
Man's heart subdued, his immortal spirit raised.
Oft, too, with hallowed ray, it lights the fire
That in the parent's breast intensely burns,
Blending its peace with every fond desire,
And cherished hope that to its idol turns;
Or soothing with its quiet tone and calm,
The restless love that wildly looks beyond
The present day, and paints in colours warm --
The varied fortunes of that youthful throng,
Who with glad sunny eyes, and glowing cheeks,
And thoughts of innocence are clustered round,
To seek the approving Smile that ready speaks—
How thrills the mother's heart at every sound !
O Ahow without the aid of virtue firm,
Could guardians fond fulfil the duty given 4
Or, by thy guiding star unblest, how learn,
O piety to rear these souls for heaven 7
And how could fervent love, with aught save tears
Behold this gathered throng, so new to life,
Buoyant with hope, and paint the varied fears,
The sufferings they must meet, their daily strife.













1) OMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYED.
427

Till each full heart be wrung to agony,
And wearied, worn, would fling existence by ?
Far be the thought! O virtue! let thy spell
In every trial guide the loved ones on,
Whilst thou, religion, through the gloom mayest tell
Of better and of brighter worlds beyond.
O well the parent's heart with joy may glow,
To see their opening promise—thrill with fear
To think how slight a blast may lay it low,
Quenching all hopes in darkness sad and drear.
O who hath marked a summer cloud at even,
And of its future form could true have spoken
Though bright its hue, such cloud may soon be driven
An altered thing away, and leave no token.
Such, such is hope, uncertain—let the eye
Offaith look up to heaven—but listſ and hear
Yon soft and gentle voice—’tis floating nigh,
Like one in earnest prayer; the world's rude ear
Marks not the pleading ; neither could it bless
The mother’s heart, who now hath raised to heaven
Her humble spirit, and in loneliness
Prays ſervent for her child. The zephyr breathing
Hath stirred the light loose curls upon his brow,
Yet he is still. That soft and silvery tone
Breaks not his slumber: deep his mother now
Prays truth may guide, religion cheer him on
In after years—list now her prayer is done—
O, rose it not like incense to thy throne,
Holy and heavenly Father? Thou hast given
The aid of virtue, lit religion's light,
That cheers the soul when worn, and tempest-driven
Over life's sea, and gilds the darkest night
With glorious hope;—e'en at the dying hour
A pure and holy peace its ray can shed.
Yes! even there its voice with thrilling power
Can cheer the mourner weeping for the dead ;
428 IDOMESTIC HAPPINESS PORTRAYEp.
And when all friends forsake her, soothing Say,
God hears her prayer, and God will be her stay.
Religion in such scenes as this we see
Thy power. Virtue! here thy force we know;
Here, here must seek, as nature's votary
Enters the forest deep, and parts each bough,
That, crossing, hides the beauty of the scene;
Then lists the music of each stirring leaf,
And marks each flowering plant, each blade of green
That lightly bends before the zephyr's breath,
In nature’s living temple. So should we
Look through each humble vale and quiet spot
Of varied life, and mark through joy and tears
How bright religion gladdens every lot,
And points afar to high and glorious spheres,
Where earthly sorrows cease—and then prepares,
The soul for those abodes, set free from sin,
From earthly thraldom, and through grief and cares
Yields firm support, yea! wakes a heaven within
- LUCY HOOPER.
º
Newburyport, September 24th, 1831.
THE END,
MAY 19 1915





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