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Not feign'd, as once, but sadly horrid,
Scor’d upon ev'ry member's forehead;
Who, 'cause the clouds are drawn together,
And threaten sudden change of weather,
Feel pangs and aches of state-turns,
And revolutions in their corns.
—º-
SECOND EDITION.
#ondon :
PRINTED AND PUBLISHED BY JOHN FAIRBURN,
BROADWAY, LUDGATE-HILL.
1820.
*
Hu Dr B R As.
on E SH I L LIN G.













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EXORDIUM.
THE Scene of the following Poem, which is founded
º in fact, is laid in the ancient Isle of Blefuscu, so cele-
. brated in Gulliver's Travels, by the immortal Dean
Swift: the characters are ideal, of course, though the
events are true,


“Why did you throw your wedded lady from you ?”
CYM BE LIN E.
A G R O AN
F R O M T H E . .
THRONE.
A POTENTATE there liv'd in days of yore, :
He reign'd o'er freedom's land, Blefuscu's shore,
Whose early virtues were by all admir’d,
And loyalty and love in all inspir’d. * i
No prince, so affable or so serene,
Was in Blefuscu's kingdom ever seen, • º
As was his Highness Hum, for such the name, f
He's spoke of by “the tall long sided dame.” i
* Wide Hudibras.
6
Twice twenty times the sharp autumnal breeze,
Stripp'd of their gay attire, Saint James's trees,
And call'd the Haut Tom from their country seats,
To London's charms, to operas, and fêtes.
Twice twenty summers now had nearly shed,
Their solar beams OIl Hum's illustrious head;
When the old man, his father, sought to find,
How Hum to matrimony felt inclined,
And thus in accents, gentle and sincere,
He spoke to great Blefuscu's mighty heir:—
“My dearest son, thou comfort of my life,
“A wife! yes, Hum, a wife must have a wife
“Yes, yes! you must, yes, yes | I give you joy!
“You must get married, and must get a boy;
“ I married young myself! yes, very true,
“Or else Blefuscu never had seen you !
Thus quickly spoke the K–g, and thus the
Replied with modesty and diffidence,—
“I must acknowledge, Sire, with shame, that I
€.
“Cannot with your parental wish comply ;
“ For, to your M ty I freely own.
“She that has now my heartshall share theth—e.”
:
7
When thus the K–g, “What! boy? what, whât
d'ye say? . . . . .
“Have you got married, then? got married? eh!"
“No, gracious mon—h; but my faith is plighted
“To dear F-tzh—t, who cannot be slighted.”
“What, shel F.—tzh—t / she? go, boyſ go, go.
“I tell you once for all it shall be so.” • ‘: A -
“But, sir, replied P−e Hum,that curs'd pavilioh
“Has saddled me with nearly half a million;
“But if my debts you make the nation pay
“I shall submit to anything you say.” . . .
“Well, well! Hum, well ! well, well, I’ll speak
to P-t, * , - . . . .
“ I dare say he'll contrive to manage it;
“The lady who I mean to be your spouse
—l House,
! . .
“ Is near related to our R
“And I eanect, yes, Hum, I do eaſpect
“The P-ss you will honour and protect. ^
“Go to your mother—take this ounce of snuff.
“Be off, Hum, go, go, go! be off! be off!” . ."
They part; the K–g to Billy P−t repairs,
Hum to the Q—n to talk of his affairs.
This woman to Blefuscu's people was
Of many miseries the evil cause.
Hum was her darling; all his follies were :
Confided to and oft approv’d by her.
‘Court demi-reps—single or married dame—
None came amiss, to Hum all were the same.
"While their cornuted” lords, by avarice won,
Submissive bow'd before the rising sun.
No cautious lecture from a mother's tongue
Had taught P-e Hum that he was acting wrong.
And when inform'd of the old K–’s desire,
Her bosom raged with diabolic ire. ,
And, from that moment, fell revenge possess'd
Affection's place in her indignant breast.
“My dearest Hum,” she cried, “my dearest Hum,
“As the K–g wishes, let this P-
“But here Ivow I'll ev'ry art employ
ss come;
“To break her heart if forc’d upon my boy ſ”
Thus the unhappy victim, yet unknown,
For others faults was destin'd to atone /
Thus matters stood when to Blefuscu's shore
The lovely stranger was invited o'er,
Youthful and blooming as the morning rose
That in the sun-beam's smile serenely blows:
* Quere, coroneted.
9
Alas!, too soon expos'd to chilling frost,
Its budding splendours are for ever lost.—
Thus with resplendent native beauty shone,
The future partner of Blefuscu's th—e.
The good old K—g, with a paternal smile,
Welcom'd the Fair One to her favºrite isle,
And introduc’d to Hum the lovely maid,
The happy partner of his virtuous bed:
.r Hum, smiling, bow'd, for Hum could practise guile,
He smil'd, for he could “smile, and stab and smile;"
Then, with affected pleasure,in his face,
Gave to the charming fair a cold embrace.
The vengeful Megaera, Blefuscu's Q–n, R
Among the other hypocrites was seen,
But scarcely could conceal her venom'd wº
Hum's sisters too were there, of envy full,
The stranger's graces far outshone them all,
Just as the brilliant sun outshines the blaze
Of sparkling glow-worm, or a taper's rays:
This was too much,--it was at once decreed
I maid.
To wreak their vengeance on the r
Yet for the sake of form, (malignant taskſ)
They still assumed Affection's borrow'd mask.
- 2
10
The sun had made its course o'er half of heav'n
When R. l Car
In sacerdotal vest the prelate-priest
e to Hum was given.
The sacred union with devotion blest:
And Hum before his God the solemn oath
Had taken, to preserve his plighted faith.
The Palace of Blefuscu was the scene
Of greetings to Blefuscu's future Q In :
Lords, ladies, knights, and generals now vied
In homage to Prince Hum's illustrious bride:
1 pair
The island's treasures on the r
Were lavish’d by the people, free as air.
Hum's debts, tremendous load! with pleasure they
Agreed, without a murmur, all to pay.
And their affection to assert beside,
1 bride.
Alas! nor rank, nor honour, could secure
They fix’d a pension on the r
Peace to a bosom spotless, chaste, and pure:
A solitary month had scarcely fled,
When Hum deserted his fair partner's bed;
For meretricious dames, with wanton charms,
He left his wife—to revel in their arms.
F-tzh
Attracts the notice of Blefuscu's heir.
t’s jolly widow, fat and fair,
II
Through doxies infinite he used to range,
Constant to none, but ever prone to change;
And with ungracious apathy did vex
His wife, the virtuous model of her sex.
Ere she a year had thus alone been left,
Of all connubial happiness bereft,
The time approach'd, when happy parents share
A Father's pleasure with a Mother's care.
And great Blefuscu's people did not fail
The birth of a young princess soon to hail,—
No father's rapturous kisses she receiv'd,
That father, once so good, so soon deprav'd ;
A mother's tears the infant's cheek bedevs,
The smiling cherub's face the tear imbrues;
Heart-broken, widow’d mother, sure thy sighs,
To heav'n's own chancel did incessant rise,
And call for retribution from the skies.
The faithful good old K–g indignant seen,
The vile endeavours of his envious Q—n,
By whose fell machinations, at one stroke,
A heart that ne'er offended her was broke.
She, with demoniac pleasure, did exult
In the success of such perfidious guilt;
12
Yet did the lovely Car
On the good K–g, her father and her friend;
Whose high authority could not prevail
Upon a heart like Hum's, a heart of steel.
—e depend
Some years elaps'd, and yet his vicious course
He still pursued, worse still succeeding worse;
And, blinded by his passions, still he strove
To blast the woman's fame he dare not love.
Deluded mortal! did'st thou never hear
That innocence ne'er yet had cause to fear?
Dids’t thou suppose that Providence could sleep,
And not a watchful eye on Virtue keep? -
Not thy companion, J–y's trump'd up tale
Could aught against her innocence avail.
Not perjur’d D–s, or thy mother's hate,
Supported by the little of the great.
Not M—a's prying eye, thy lasting shame,
Could cast a stigma on her spotless name.
The hellish monster by thee conjured forth,
Fell combination—perish’d in its birth,
The good, the virtuous K–-g the trick perceiv'd,
ss sav'd,
And from conspirators the P
But Providence was pleas'd to visit thee,
Thou good old man, with sad calamity:
13
The K–g with age and Hunt's bad conduct crost
Fell ill, and soon all intellect was lost,
For years in mental darkness was his mind,
Old aged, unfortunate, distracted, blind.
In an old castle near his virtuous wife,
Blefuscu's Mon—h dragg’d a wretched life.
Hum of the Sov —n power assum'd the reins,
And chang'd his father's silken bonds for chains.”
By evil counsellors soon led astray,
He follow'd the advice of C–h,
Who in Blefuscu's court held mighty sway.
L—
From whom the state had ne'er experienc'd good;
And S-
And many a pill with adulation gild;
And Van
Who dreams éach night of some obnoxious tax,
And E
By Hum in jest oft designated Bags;
l too a wight of base born blood
h who a pestle erst did wield,
t that principal of hacks,
n chief of beings call'd old hags
And H--t of all mortals most impure,
He to Prince Hum a pimp, his wife a
º
* I Kings, xiii. 14.
14
And Bloomy and some others of the fry,
Who with their master's wickedness comply;
This sad society, and other knaves,
Imperial Hum to guide the Island leaves,
And with some modern Lais’ time beguiles,
The Alexander of Blefuscu's Isles.
Leave we Prince Hum in drunken revels wild,
And take a view of mother and of child.
The charming Princess now in youthful bloom
Had long a mother's only hope become,
And to that mother her affections grew,
As twines the ivy round the fostring yew;—
Yet could not e'en these simple pleasures last,
Those blessings Hum's malignity did blast;
To break a wife's too long insulted heart,
A mother and her only child must part /
Grown callous in debauchery, he'd now
All ties of sacred honour disavow ;
Acting the tyrant's, not the father's part,
He tears the daughter from the mother's heart.
* Lais was a famous courtesan of Corinth. The Chère Amie
of the Macedonian conqueror.
15
To what sad pangs that fatal hour gave birth,
When sever'd from her only hope on earth.
Savage that breast such wrongs could not deplore,
When parted from the child she ne'er saw more.
Now in Blefuscu Hum did celebrate
The giant Bono's downfall and defeat,
Won by Blefuscu's arms and Well-von-ton,
One of Hum's generals of great renown.
From Brobdignag's and Lilliputia's shore
Kings, Emperors, and Generals came o'er,
And bow'd, and offer'd their congratulations
To Hum—the mighty Chief of three great nations !
What revelling, reviews, and royal dinners ;
Great Hum then lavish'd on the titled sinners,
Such drawing-rooms, where grandeur did resort,
Were never seen at great Blefuscu's court;
What pageantry and pantomimic" scenes,
While famish’d subjects found the “ways and
means;”
* The Potentates, it is supposed, could not speak the lan-
guage of Blefuscu, and conversed with Hum, consequently,
by signs.—AUTHOR.
H6
What treasures were extravagantly spent
t;
1 and imp—l things,
To gratify the whims of gov
For, all those r
This Holy League of Emp-s and K–gs,
To these Hum's mother and her hopeful brood,
—l blood,
Were with court etiquette and courtly guile,
Presented for the R
Neart came Blefuscu’s “ancient barons bold,”
Those precious specimens of r
| Strangers’ smile.
Who had some consequence in “days of old.”
But those not having mended by the breed,
Libel their ancestors by word and deed.
Next came each noble matron, wife, or maid;
Next P−rs and Cuckolds that great Hum had
made ; -
Then followed all the tag-rag of the Court,
Of various callings, and a motley sort
Of courtiers, hirelings, lawyers, pimps, and spies,
That scandal to the Min -
Divines, who every thing but goodness laud,
r supplies.
Traitors to their allegiance and their God.
But, ah, my muse! what radiance shone around,
When Ch–tte, by the loves and graces crown'd,
I’ſ
With ev'ry charm that can make virtue dear,
Was by her father Hum presented here.
So shines the conceal’d sun from a dense cloud,
Restoring gladness to th’ assembled crowd;
So shines a diamond, of a brilliant cast,
Amongst its rival gems compos'd of paste.
But one, alas ! was absent from the scene,
Blefuscu's future but deserted Q–n.
She, she alone, of innocence the proof,
Denied admittance to her husband's roof!
To her glad eyes the blessing was denied,
To see her only child, her only pride;
To her alone the honour was too great
To be admitted to the r—l fête.
Loud rung the trumpets through the p—ce halls;
Loud echoed the report through Car—n's walls;
Loud cheer'd the people, but to Ch–tte's heart
No joy could revelry like this impart.
Her long-neglected mother sunk so deep
In her soft bosom—she was seen to weep;
And with a virtuous indignation fir’d,
From Hum and from his guests she soon retir’d.
The R– Strangers, from Blºfuscu's strand
Departed, each to see his native land ;
3
18
And left great Hum soon distant many a league,
To plotting parasites and low intrigue,
Not long the desolated wife could bear
The vile indignities she suffer'd there :
Her bed usurp'd, her child refus’d to see
Herself the victim of fell calumny,
She left Blefuscu's shore, and latent harms,
To seek protection in a brother's arms.
Soon Hum's intrepid warriors took the field,
Again to make the giant Bono yield ;
(Who by some accident had broke his chain,
And wander'd on the continent again.)
They soon with wreaths of victory were crown'd,
And all Blefuscu's shores their fame resound ;
A stranger Knight who in their ranks had fought,
In poverty had Hum's protection sought;
Sent for by Hum, to gain a prize so fair,
Th’ elected husband of Blefuscu's heir;
Again the merry bells were heard to ring,
By all, but by the poor distracted K–g ;
Again the cannons’ and the trumpets' sound
Proclaim'd the happy news to all around.
I9
While Hum elated nearly had believ'd,
Great Bono's fall he had himself achiev'd ;
The nuptials over, messengers were sent,
To all the nations on the continent;
To every court the tidings were convey'd,
Of the strange Knight's espousal to the maid;
To all but to her mother's aching heart.
Did Hum the glad intelligence impart.
The ways of Providence we cannot scan,
They're hid for ever from the mind of man;
Alas! the recent joys that fill'd each breast
Were chang'd, and sorrow every heart opprest;
The Princess to a son scarce birth had giv'n,
Till both their spirits waft their way to Heav'n ;
Soon to the shades departs the aged Q–—n,
Who had the origin of mischief been ;
And soon the spirit of the good old K–g,
From Earth to gain a heav'nly crown did spring;
And left Blefuscu, for some time to come,
To be conducted by the present Hum;
While yet the late good K–g lay disinterr'd,
The voice of Hum was indistinctly heard,
With one “Non mi Ricordo” in the p—ce,
(A villain who had well deserved the gallows.)
20
Eliciting from this vile reptile lies,
And asking questions about certain spies,
Who were employed against his hapless wife,
And brib'd to swear away her fame and life,
This duly finish'd, pious Hum disdains
The last sad duty to a father's manes.
The heralds' trumpets and the kettle-drums,
Proclaim to all Blefuscu's c n is Hum's;
And Father, Mother, Child, at once forgot,
Are left by virtuous Hum for time to rot;
Now revelry and joy possess the nation,
At least the part that wished a coro 7!.
A council's summoned, mitred men attend,
The Liturgy and Prayer-book to amend;
And soon resolve, at Hum's tremendous look,
To scratch the Q-
'Tis done—and then a wond'ring people hears
m’s name from the sacred book,
Blefuscu's Q—n must not receive their pray'rs.
The Coro—m's ordered—but, alas !
What unexpected events came to pass;
The long insulted Car
Blessed by the people's love—the people's tears,
e appears,
And welcom'd by unnumber'd millions cheers:
21.
Some God or Goddess, whosoe'er thou art,
Who to the poet's pen can strength impart,
Assist the muse, a moment, to conyey
A slight description of that dreadful day,
When Car
In coming to demand her rights and c
e struck Combination down,
72.
And spirit thou, who erst did bards inspire,
Who fixed upon their pens immortal fire,
Lend me thy aid, if thou wilt ever come
To represent the transports of K–g Hum,
When all his threat'nings, and his bribes were
scorn'd, - .
And all the plots had fail'd, tho' all suborn'd;
Vengeance, malignity, then rage and woe,
Alternate sate upon his r ! brow.
His coro—n spoil'd / his wife returned
Shame, pride, and anger in his midriff burn’d;.
Sends for his p—y counsellors of evil,
And wish'd the universe was at the devil.
‘Twas soon decided, with impotent rage,
A paper war against the Q n to wage;
And lest the resolution yet might flag,
They seal'd their ammunition in a bag.
22
Then to the Congress sent the filthy test,
And left those sages to find out the rest.
Hum, in the meantime, to his Cottage drove,
To share with Cunnigund his rage and love.
But Car
Smiled at the malice of Blefuscu's p
With conscious truth array'd, her people's pride,
In triumph to the capital did ride;
e, firm in her innocence,
e;
And there received a countless people's vows,
Of that devotion they denied her spouse.
Meantime, the Demon of Intrigue, took wing,
And follow'd to his Cottage, Hum, the K–g;
And silent whisper'd in the r—l ear, .
For th—e and k—gd—m he had cause to fear;
That 'twould be right if to a neighbouring isle,
h would retire a while,
The mighty m
And there remain till better times would smile.
The counsel he adopts, and off he goes,
To seek protection from imagin'd foes.
Surrounded by the sabres of his guard,
As Shakspeare says, each “bearded like a pard
Hum, in the shades of night his exit makes, &
And for the Kremlin his direction takes;
23
At length his anxious optics could descry,
The wish'd for minarets exalted high,
That seem like gilded toys to touch the sky.
Hoarse on the hinges turned each massy gate,
And each as cautiously again was shut;
While sentinels were carefully appointed,
To guard from treachery the Lord's 'anointed.
Not long remain’d K—g Hum on this blest spot;
Fearful of radical intrigues or plot,
He terra firma left to change the scene,
And soon on board the r l yacht was seen ;
Now Boreas and his brother winds assail,
The r—l sailor with a desp'rate gale,
And Atropos” perched high upon the mast,
Threaten’d the vessel in the deep to cast.
But Fortune, that blind goddess, who oft sends
Success to vice, and good with evil blends,
Would not this precious cargo's prospects blight,
But landed Hum upon the Isle of — ;
Soon as the lacteal ducts of miglity Hum,
From the effects of sea sickness had come,
And prim'd with brandy, vigour to restore,
The K–g of men was safely put on shore.
* One of the Fates.
24
But here, alas ! the story had got wind,
That Hum had left his injur'd wife behind,
Without protection and without a friend;
Loud execrations now his steps attend,
While from the yacht, the deep-mouth'd cannon
roar,
“Non mi ricordo” sounds along the shore,
Hisses and laughter, 'stead of welcome cheers,
Imp—l Hum with indignation hears.
And now the fugitive is glad to find
His ship, and trust his fortunes to the wind. .
Not long was Hum an exile from the shore, - -
He cruis’d about some fifty leagues or more,
And on his way, pitying his sad distress;
Some Wag presented him with an address,
In which were Hum's perfections blazon'd forth,
His virtue, zeal, sobriety, and worth.
Which he received with condescending looks,
Nor once conceived the thing had been a hoax,
Tir'd of the sea, its course the vessel bore,
With Hum and Cunning to Blefuscu's shore,
That pink of courtezans, whose amorous sway,
From wife and honour tempted him away.
25
Chief of the Haram she, the favour’d one,
Of twenty demireps is she alone,
Yet Hum's purveyors found him something new,
And to the Ma—ss adds Mistress Q——
Insatiate roving all his time employs,
Illicit intercourse, forbidden joys,
Not e'en all precepts human and divine,
His callous heart to virtue can incline.
Once more Hum’s carriage-wheels are seen to move,
He's off—and with him his adult’rous love;
Quick dash the horses.on,-nojoyous sound
Among th' assembl’d multitude is found, \
Murmurs and curses echo from around. |
He's off-and shades of night have thrown a veil
O'er Kremlin's towers and him that they conceal.
But long he stopp'd not, for a mind like his,
A conscience tainted, cannot be at ease.
He's off again,-like lightning dashes on ;
Off to dear Q—, and to the Cottage gone,
And cannot for a moment be alone.
Hoarse croak'd the raven on the Castle towers,
Black clouds collect, the sky indignant lowers;
Loud peals of thunder made the Cottage shake,
And Hum, and Cunnigund, and Q— to quake.
4
26
For evil minds, though dangers be not near,
From retribution shrink, and vengeance fear.
The Castle clock struck twelve, the period when
The church-yards yawn to—resurrection men!
'Twas twelve 1 and Hum, as was his usual forte,
Finish'd ten bottles out of twelve of port.
When, lo! a figure seeming super-human,
A spectre strange, mis-shapen, and uncommon,
Approach'd the K–g, and in his hand Iween,
He held a Bag, the colour of it green;
A long black cloak the figure cover'd o'er,
A flowing wig upon his head he wore;
And in his face cadaverous was seen
Darkest malignity in ev'ry vein.
The ladies fled and left alone the K–g
To hold a counsel with this hellish thing;
Who frighten’d at a figure so infernal,
Ne'er thought it was his own Att—y-G—l.
And now the time approach’d when Hum's fair
bride
Was by her husband's mandate to be tried:
That mandate which the context tells us lied.
High on Saint St—n's tower a Harpy sat,
Brooding o'er Car e's and Virtue's fate,
27
While her infernal sisters flew away
To find out L l and C h.
The Cotton-g n witnesses were each
Closely examined by vile C–k and L–h;
Their lessons perfect, as their teachers thought,
But with malignity and malice fraught.
The House assembled,—and above his P-rs,
High on a woolsack rais'd, old Bags appears.
The evidence proceeds—but gracious heav'n,
What perjuries were in thy presence given!!!
Cross question'd, all asserted by these spies
Appear'd distinctly forgeries and lies.
The prosecution closes—and the Q
IT
In M-ty, on her defence was seen
Truth, sacred truth, now triumphs, and her foes,
With ease, the virtuous Ca e o'erthrows.
'Twas ended—and a solemn pause ensued
Among the P-rs and P ces of the b
When lo! as coming from the .
EMPTY THRONE
Proceeds a death-like, dreadful, horrid,
GROAN | | |
And then the panic-struck astonish'd P−rs
d;
All heard A voice that thus assail'd their ears.
28
“My L–ds and Gentlemen,
LIST | LIST . O' LIST | | |
“ Proceed no further, but at once
DESIST |
6
&
Nor dare to persecute a virtuous fair,
“That Heav'n and I have ta'en beneath our care;
Mark me and tremble! while I now declare,
“ Unnumber'd evils you have cause to fear;
Call back the K–g, let him his crimes repent,
Or sad misfortunes he may yet lament.
&
{
&
&
&
&
6
6
Restore my people to their liberty,
For K–gs must fall if subjects are not free.
Restore MY DAUGHTER to her rights once
777.07%2
4.
{
&
6
&
&
Or desolation hastens to your shore.”
He ended, when tremendous thunder shook
Saint St n's, whilst each P-r with horrid look
Made his escape, and left the Q
In GLORIOUS TRIUMPH o'er her enemies.
n to rise,
THE END.