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//

TWENTIETH CENTURY
ETIQUETTE

AN UP-TO-DATE BOOK FOR POLITE SOCIETY

CONTAINING

RULES FOR CONDUCT IN PUBLIC, SOCIAL AND PRIVATE
LIFE, AT HOME AND ABROAD

INCLUDING

SUGGESTIONS FOR ORIENTAL TEAS, CHURCH FESTIVALS, CHARITY
SOCIALS, COSTUME PARTIES, BAZAARS, GERMANS, INDOOR
GAMES, OUTDOOR SPORTS, TALLY-HO PAR-

TIES, MASQUERADES, ETC, ETC.

ALSO

CORRECT DREss FOR WEDDINGS, RECEPTIONS, AND
ALL OTHER OCCASIONS

DESIGNED

FOR BOTH MEN AND WOMEN, YOUNG AND OLD
BY

ANNIE RANDALL WHITE

There is no policy like politeness, wnd a good mmmor {s the bestfiM/ngm
the world, either to get one a good name or to swpply the want of a.
—Brn.m Ln'rox.

EMBELLISHED WITH NEARLY HALF A HUNDRED FULL PAGE ENGRAV-
INGS AND NUMEROUS DRAWINGS

BY

GEORGE SPIEL

 

 

kw

COPYRIGHT, 1900,
BY
ANN IE RANDALL WHITE.

All rights reserved.

 

,. ggggg

PREFACE

the mouth speaketh,” are quite as true to-day as they were two
thousand years ago, yet the training and culture of the indi-
vidual through established custom and rules should not be overlooked.

One may possess natural politeness, courteous bearing and an in-
herited sense of good breeding, yet all this may be of little value if
one fails to keep informed concerning the fashions and practices that
cultured and well-bred people recognize.

The great Lincoln often said that the lack of early culture and the
disadvantage of never having associated in his younger days with well-
bred peoplewas a source of great mortification to him when his advanced
position threw him into the society of distinguished, cultivated men and
accomplished, graceful women.

For the purpose of assisting and instructing all who desire to do
even the most trivial things well, this volume has been issued. It is
simple, comprehensive and uniformly educational. He who digests the
rules outlined herein may congratulate himself that he is versed in the
best and latest usages of refined society and, while occasional points
may come up which permit of more latitude than is given here and
upon topics which for brevity, this book is inadequate to answer, yet
there are certain fixed laws, which, like those of the Medes and Persians,
are unchangeable; these laws are all herein defined.

All departments are carefully handled and each given its special
treatment. From the simple essence of good breeding, to the ceremonial
code, the field has been quitéexhaustively covered.

With the belief that we have prepared a helpful'work for the every-
day use of young and old, we send this volume forth upon the great
sea of public opinion, there to battle for the simple grace, the kindly
spirit and the true politeness which we hope may be the inheritance
of the rising generation. Should it meet a kindly reception, our labors
will be well repaid.

T HOUGH the words of Christ, “Out of the abundance of the heart

THE PUBLISHERS.

55297213

IMPORTANCE OF MANNERS

Manners are'of more importance than laws. Upon them, in a great
measure, the laws depend. The law touches but here and there, now
and then. Manners are what vex or soothe, corrupt or purify, exalt or
debase, barbarize or refine us, by a constant, steady, uniform, insensible
operation, like that of the air we breathe in. They give their whole
form and color to our lives. According to their quality, they aid mor-
als, they supply them, or they totally destroy them.

————Burke.

 

BENEFITS OF SOCIETY

Society is the true sphere of human virtue. In social, active life,
difficulties will perpetually be met, with; restraints of many kinds will
be necessary; and studying to behave right in respect of these, is a dis-
cipline of the human heart useful to others and improving to itself.

—Elizabeth Carter.

 

EXPANSION OF INFLUENCE

As a little silvery circular ripple, set in motion by the falling pebble,
expands from its inch of radius to the whole compass of the pool, so there
is not a child—not an infant Moses——placed, however softly, in his bul-
rush ark upon the sea of time whose existence does not stir a ripple,
gyrating outward and on. until it shall have moved across and spanned
the whole ocean of God’s eternity, stirring even the river of life, and the
fountains at which the angels drink.

-——Elihu Burritt.

INTRODUCTION

“As charity covers a multitude of sins before Goal, so does paltteness’bqfore

9’

men. ‘
~GREVILLE.
T HAS often occurred to you, no doubt, to inquire whether the
I world needs or asks the aid of books of etiquette to teach how’to
move in polite society. Many able minds have launched volumes
on these subjects and the very fact that more are inquired for is the
best answer to the query, Are they needed?

This is to be expected, for our land is wide and made up of a vast
and constantly growing mass of people, all of whom are seeking for
information regarding what is proper to do and what not to do on all
occasions~—the old will not do—

“The world moves onward, and in time outgrows
The laws that in our fathers’ days were bes. ”

We are essentially a new people, containing within ourselves grand
possibilities. We have not the prestige of a hereditary set who dictate
to us as in the older countries. So our noble men and women imbued
with a frank hospitality, coupled with a natural refinement, become
our leaders—the founders of an etiquette distinctively our own, made
more complete by the broadening process which they have gained by
. travel and contact with culture and refinement abroad. But as fashion,
or rather etiquette, is constantly changing, so it is requisite to be up
with the times. A book of etiquette must take note of the new questions
that arise under the changed conditions. New codes have come into
vogue, and we must be cognizant of them. Some old rules, too, are
obsolete, some have been modified, new ones have been introduced,
and thus new books on this absorbing theme are constantly called for
and eagerly read.

Good manners are the pivots upon which a man’s fortune may be
said to turn, hence we should not trifle with them. As a French

371: ”drag 5713‘“:

,. . : ,-- a on. tum»

12 INTRODUCTION

writer says: “The manners of a gentleman are the index of his soul.”
He further adds that, “To be truly polite, it is necessary to be at the
same time good, just and generous.” This tribute to good manners is
proper, and it is the aim of this work to impress upon all the necessity
for acquiring them; not alone for the pleasure which they afford, but
because they are links in the chain which binds human beings to each
other and to a Higher Power. .

Every line has been penned with the hope that our treatment of
the subject will make the duties of social life more clear and awaken
a desire for that culture which raises the soul to a more lofty ideal.

THE AUTHOR.

“Wavy,

 

CONTENTS

CHAPTER I.
THE MAKERS OF MANNERS.
Page
Social Laws—Who Make Them—Rules of Etiquette—Manners that Well-
bred People Recognize—Beauty Worthless without Character.... 23
CHAPTER II.

THE TEST OF THE LADY AND GENTLEMAN.

Definition of a Lady and Gentleman The Proper Test—Social Respon-
sibility—Position in Society—The Social Star .................... 29

 

CHAPTER III.
IMPORTANCE OF SOCIAL OBSERVANCES.

Small, Sweet Courtesies—Fixed Social Laws Necessary—How to Avoid
Blunders—Now to Avoid Growing Narrow ....................... 33

CHAPTER IV.
HOME—THE LIFE IMMORf'AL.

- Home Influences—The Scnool for All Things—Parents’ Example—Love—
The Secret to Success ........................................... 37

CHAPTER V.
LITTLE FOLKS—THEIR ENTERTAINMENT AND DRESS.
Politeness, the Second Greatest Thing in the \Vorld—Habits to Avoid-
' Habits to Cultivate—Early Occupation—Companionship—-Children’s
Birthday Parties—Holiday Parties .............................. 45
CHAPTER V'I.
SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS—HOW TO OVERCOME IT.

The Cause of Self»Consciousness——How to Conquer Timidity—A Cure for
Shyness—How to Overcome Repression in Speech—~Ease and Grace
Possible to All ................................................. 55

CHAPTER VII.
INTRODUCTIONS—THEIR IMPORTANCE.

HOW and When to Introduce—How Ladies and Gentlemen Should Sa-
lute—Introduction by Letter—Introduction by Card—Usa‘ges Fol.
lowing Introductions ................................ . . . . . . . . . . . . W

13

,A 14 ' . CONTENTS. I

CHAPTER VIH.
GREETING AND LEAVETAKING.

Social Greeting Indicative of Character—XV ho Should Bow First—When Page
‘ and How to Shake Hands—Kissing—~Good-byes and Farewells ...... 77
CHAPTER IX.
CONVERSATION.
Talk Is Not Conversation—Polish Often a Cloak—The Art of Listening——
The Using of Compliments—Loud Talking—Small Talk and Its
Uses .......................................................... 85

CHAPTER X.
ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS.

Difl’erence between Self-Respect and Self-Esteem—Conduct towards
School Friends—School Dress—Young Folks’ Confidences—Girl
Graduates—Nature’s Mysteries .................................. 97

CHAPTER XI.

GOING INTO SOCIETY.

When to Make the Debut—The Debutante’s Dress—Duties of Young So-
ciety Men and Women—How to Possess Ease of Manner—Judged by
the Company \Ve Keep ......................................... 107

' CHAPTER XII.
MISSES AND UNMARRIED WOMEN.

The Charm of Naturalness—When Proper to Make and Accept Pres-
ents—Rendering Service—Elderly Girls—Duties of a Chaperon ..... 117

CHAPTER XIII.
WHAT ETIQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN.

Rules to Which a Gentleman Must Adhere—Social and Club Life—Con-
duct towards Ladies, Paying Bills, Sending Flowers, Removal of the
Hat—When and Where Smoking is Allowable .................... 123

CHAPTER XIV.
OBLIGATIONS OF BACHELORS. ,

Escorting Ladies—Returning Courtesies-«Treatment of a Hostess—Party
Calls .......................................................... 133

' CHAPTER XV.
ETIQUETTE IN THE STREET. ‘

Privileges of Women—Dignified Carriage—Loud Talking—Flirting—
“Goodform”onStreet ............ ............ 18’!

“do?

 

 

 

 

CONTENTS. ' .17

CHAPTER XVI.
TELEPHONING—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL. P
age

HOW to Use the ’Phone—lnvitations by Telephone, Rudeness at the ’Phone
—LaW of Right ................................................ 145

CHAPTER XVII.
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.

Who Are Society’s Leaders—Receptions at. the White H0use—The Order
of Rank—How to Address the President—How to Accept or De-
cline an Invitation—Days for Receiving—Who Are Welcome. . .' . . . . 149

CHAPTER XVIII.
CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

Formal Calls—Whom to Ask For—Hours for Calling—Ladies’ and Gen-
tlemen’s Social Calls—When to Send Cards—Various Styles of Cards
—-P. P. C. Cards—Calling on Business Men ........................ 157

CHAPTER XIX.
DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

What Hour to Dine—Table Manners—Cooks in Esteem—The Dinner
Party a Factor in Civilization—The Cheerful Home Dinner—Formal
Dinners—The Dining-room—Floral Decorations—Cuests—Courses
for Dinner—Serving the Dinner—Dinner Toilets—Luncheons—
Menus ............................................ . ............ 177

CHAPTER XX.
ETIQUETTE AT THE TABLE.
Good Form in Eating—What to Do and What Not to Do—Conversa-
tion at the Table . . . ........................................... 193

CHAPTER XXI.
RECEPTIONS, LECTURES, CHURCH, ETC.

Five O’Clock Teas—Musicales—Informal Entertainments—Evening
Parties—Declining an Invitation—Dancing—Pink Teas—Choco-
lataires—Dress and Manners at Church-Lectures—Opera—Soirees. 201

CHAPTER XXII.
COSTUME PARTIES AND WHAT TO WEAR.
Planning the Party—Choice of Characters—The New England Costume
Dinner—New England Spelling School—The Authors’ Party—Valery
tine Parties~Variations for Church Socials . . . . . . . . . . ..-. . ._... . . . . . 209

1s . CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XXIII. '
DRESS—ITS ATTRACTIVENESS AND APPROPRIATENESS.

Beauty in Dress—Dressmakers—Love of Dress—Over Dressing—A Gen-
tleman’s Dress—Ball Dress—Opera Dress—Morning Dress—W’alk-
ing Dress—Traveling Dress—Dress for Out-of-Door Sports ..........

CHAPTER XXIV.
CORRESPONDENCE—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL.

Style of Paper and'Envelopes—Color of Ink——Good Form Attending Cor-
respondence—Correspondence with Strangers—VVith Royalty—What
a Letter Should Contain—Proper Addresses—Signatures—Sealing

Wax and Wafers ............................................... '

CHAPTER XXV.
HORSEBACK RIDING AND DRIVING.
When and Where to Ride Horseback—Assisting the Lady to Mount—To-

Alight—Carriage Etiquette—Fast Driving—HOW to Enter the Car-
riage ..........................................................

CHAPTER XXVI.
CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.
Costumes for the VVheel—How to Ride—Tandem Wheels—Golf—Eti-
quette of Golf—Dancing—Fashionable Dancing—The “German”—
Informal Dances—How to Give a Dancing Party—Who Receives the
Guests—Card Playing—Progressive Card Parties .................

CHAPTER XXVII.
COURTSHIP AND ITS DEMANDS.

Duty of Parents—Proposing Marriage—The Engagement Ring—Conduct
toward a Fiancee—Broken Engagements—Courtesies to Each Other
—When to be Married ..........................................

CHAPTER XXVIII.
WEDDINGS AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM;

The Bride Names the Day—Issuing Invitations—Necessary Outlay—The
Bridal Costume—Choosing Bridemaids—Presents to Bridemaids—
The Wedding Ring Ceremony—Duties of the Best Man—The Re-
ception—~Wedding Gifts—Marriage of a Widow—Wedding Cake——
What the Parents Pay For—At Home Cards—Home Weddings-
Hints to the Future Husband ..................................

CHAPTER XXIX.
MNNIVERSARIES AND HOW TO CELEBRATE THEM.
1‘he Paper Wedding—Cotton—Leather—Wooden—Tin—Crystal—China
~8ilver—Golden—Diamond

Page

217

243

251

263

263

287

CONTENTS. 19

CHAPTER XXX.
TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD. P
age

On the Continent—An Escort—Courtesies in Traveling—Care of Valu-
ables—Presence of Mind—Steamer Acquaintances ................. 295

CHAPTER XXXI.
SERVANTS, MAIDS AND ASSISTANTS.

Duty of Mistress to Servants—A Maid’s Duty to Visitors—Addressing.
the Master and Mistress—Helping the Servant—Dismissal Notice. , 307

CHAPTER XXXII.
BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS. '

Baby’s Card—~When to Christen—~Christening Parties—Ceremony at
Church—Ceremony at Home—Invitations to Christenings—Con-
firmations ..................................................... 313

CHAPTER XXXIII.
FUNERALS AND MOURNING.

The House of Mourning—Pall Bearers—Private and Public Funerals—-
—Flowers——Mourning Dress—Calls of Condolence—Secluding One’s
Self ........................................................... 321

CHAPTER XXXIV.
SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS.

Precautions—Gentle Chivalries—Spare Yourself Mortifications—Facts
Worth Remembering—T0 Forget is to Appear Ignorant—Inconsis-
tencies ....................................................... . 329

CHAPTER XXXV.
GRACEFUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY.

How to Overcome Imperfections—The Effect of Poise—Exercises to De- .
velop Ease—Exercises to Develop the Chest—To Poise the Head—e-To
Correct Uneven Shoulders—How to Have a Good Carriage .......... 341

CHAPTER XXXVI.
UNSELFISHNESS—THE KEY TO GRACIOUSNESS.
Giving One’s Life for Another—Words of Praise—A Christ-like Creed. . 349

I

CHAPTER XXXVII.
THE POSSIBILITIES OF WOMEN.

A Woman’s Sphere—Professional Life—Thorough Education—Opposing
Higher Education 03090009000!000.000.000.000...90000000000090. 353

20 CONTENTS.

CHAPTER XXXVIII.

WOMEN IN BUSINESS. Page
Qualifies that Win Esteem—Etiquette in Business—Modesty in Manner
—Dress for Business .................... . ...................... 359

CHAPTER XXXIX.
REAL AND FANCIED WRONGS.

Overcoming Gloom and Hatred—A Remedy Guaranteed to Cure Every
Ill ............................................................ 363

CHAPTER XL.
HIGHER CULTURE.

Cultivate Self-Forgetfulness —— Courage—Justice — Truthfulness — Keep
Pure in Heart—The Mother’s Responsibility ......... . ........... 367

CHAPTER XLI.
THE SHAPING OF CHARACTER.

Judged by Its Fruits—The Child is What We Make It—“Come, Let Us
Live With Our Children”—Lessons of Life—A More Perfect Day. . . . 371

CHAPTER XLII.
WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

The Standard of Beauty—Care of the Teeth—~The Breath—How to Re
move Flesh VVorms—How to Acquire a Fine Complexion—The Face
Brush—The Hair—Remedy for Baldness—A Preventive for Gray
Hair—Dyeing Hair—Moles—How to Manicure the Nails—How to
Reduce Flesh—HOW to Increase F1esh—VVarding OE Wrinkles—To
Remove Tan—Restoring Faded Flowers .......................... 377

CHAPTER XLIII.
THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

What the Hand Reveals—The Science of Palmistry—How to Read the
Hand-The Palm—The Fingers-The Finger Nails and What They
Denote—The Thumb an Important Factor in Reading Character——
The Mounts and What They Mean—The Lines of the Hand and What
They Indicate—The Line of Head—The Line of Heart—The Line of
Healthd—The Line of Fate——The Line of Marriage—The Number of
Children—The Line of Intuition—Signs and What They Signify . 395

Birthday Stones and Their Influence.................................. 419

TheHoroscope In Verse................................. 421’

The Language of FloWers.............................'............... 423

Popular Names of States.. 425

A Farewell oonaooocoo.cocococo-000000006ooocoouooooou no ooooononoooc 429

 

 

“Be not the first by whom

 

Nor yet the last
HOW TO AVOID BEING

 

To lay the old aside.”
CONSPICUOUS

 

 

\ fig

 

 

 

 

AFFECTATION

“There is always a sweet medium in which to do everything.”

CHAPTER I.
THE MAKERS OF MANNERS

«’Good manners is the art of making those people easy with whom we con-
verse. Whoever makes the fewest persons uneasy, is the best bred in the
company. ”

—-SWIFT.
LTHOUGH the Golden Rule is the first and most important social
law, yet let us not forget that there are other social laws which
we must not overlook if we would possess. that true politeness
known as social etiquette. To follow the track pointed out by our
leaders is an instinct of our nature, whether

     
   
    
          
 
   
   

   

t h e s e people be the leaders of religion,
politic s ' or fashion. Such cus-
toms and ' 4 usages have
been p‘ehanded
d o W n L} with almost

unvany-
ing ex-\'
acfitudegh
in all §
ClVll-
i ze d
lands.
Such cus-
toms or
Iawvs are
grounded
ingood
taste,a
sense of
the fit-
nessof

24 - THE MAKERS OF MANNERS'.

things, kindly feeling, and a desire to smooth away the asperities and
roughness which would prevail among so many persons of varying
tastes and ideas were they left without a certain set of rules to help

L - to this end, and these rules may-be acquired or copied by any one who

has a sincere. desire to benefit by them.
‘ GRACIOUSNESS ADMIRED

Who is not attracted toward a polite, well-bred person? Who does
not carry with them, perhaps through life, the remembrance of some
real gentleman or lady with whom they came in contact, at, perhaps,
an early period of their life? The pleasant memory such a person has
left, and the agreeable impression, may unconsciously have had some
influence upon their own life, and served as a model for their behavior
when launched into the society which they wish to adorn.

To understand and cultivate the tenets laid down by good society,
is not to assume airs, or does not prevent the recognition of the “rough
diamond” that sometimes shines out from among those whose early
advantages have been few. Rather it adds a. higher polish to that gem,
and gives it a brighter luster.

THE RULE-S OF ETIQUET’TE

Rules of etiquette have their allotted place among the forces of life,
and must be acknowledged as moral agents in refining and making
more agreeable our daily intercourse with each other. They are agents
for good. They teach us to be more lenient with the various elements
which compose society, as life is a sort of partnership in which each
human being has an interest; so the laws of etiquette, well enforced,
oblige us to make concessions to the many tastes, prejudices and habits
of those we meet in the social circle, at public entertainments, in busi-
ness relations, or when traveling. .

At the same time these rules, although they should guide the gen-
eral conduct, may, in certain cases, be relaxed or changed slightly,
according to circumstances or exigencies that may arise. 3 But that
does not do away with the necessity for a set of, customs or forms that
Will guide every member of «society in knowing just-what to dowhen

 

 

 

' l

’WHATETIQUETTE REALLY 15. . » ~ 25
K ' ' .

launched upon the tide of human beings who make life what it is.

If the value of good breeding is in danger of being—depreciated, it is

only necessary to compare the impression which a gentle, pleasant

demeanor leaves upon you, with the gruff, abrupt or indifferent carriage ,

of those who affect to despise good manners. If two applicants for a

position are equally capable, it is safe to assert that in every case the

- agreeable and courteous seeker will obtain it in preference to the other,

who is his equal in all respects, save’that he is deficient in that suave
dignity that attracts every one. i

We are all susceptible to the charm of good manners. Society could
not be maintained save for the usages of etiquette. But true etiquette
must spring from a sincere desire to make all with whom we come in
contact feel at ease , the exercise of a thoughtful regard for the feel-
ings of others. It is this patient forbearance with the eccentricities of
all, which stamps the true lady or gentleman. It is a duty which each
one owes to himself, to acquire certain rules. for guidance, which shall
make him a welcome guest in any circle.

WHAT’ ETIQUETTE REALLY Is

Etiquette is not a servile yielding up of one’s individuality, or a
mere cold formality. It is rather the beautiful frame which is placed
around a. valuable picture to prevent its being marred or defaced.

Etiquette throws a protection around the well-bred, keeping the
coarse and disagreeable at a distance, and punishing those who violate

her dictates, with banishment from the social circle.

MANNERS NECESSARY TO GOOD STANDING

As young King Henry said to the‘princess, “We are the‘makers of
manners,” so we are unconsciously the makers of manners in our circle,
whose good influence may last for years. Refinement and politeness
lave a charm for everyone. Even the coarsest nature feels their power,

and many a pleasant memory clusters around the possessors of these

two admirable gifts.
Manners are obligatory upon men, and even more so upon women; ,,

 

 

 

 

26 THE MAKERS OF MANNERS.‘

A man who is gentle, defers to others, listens respectfully to the aged,
or to those who are inferior to him in position or intelligence, is liked
by everyone. His presence is a protection to women, his conversation ,
is a wealth of pleasure, and all feel bettered .by sharing his society.
To be all this, he must be, as a well-known author says:

“A clean man, body and soul.‘ He acts kindly from the impulse of
a kind heart. He is brave, because, with a conscience void of offence,
he has nothing to fear. He is never embarrassed, for he respects him-
self and is profoundly conscious of right. intentions. To preserve his
se1f~respect he keeps his honor unstained, and to retain the good opinion
of others he neglects no civility. He respects even the prejudices of
men whom he believes are honest; opposes without bitterness, and
yields without admitting defeat. He is never arrogant, never weak.
He bears himself with dignity, but never haughtily. Too wise to despise
trifles, he is too noble to be mastered by them. To superiors he is
respectful without servility; to equals courteous; to inferiors so kind
that they forget their inferiority. He carries himself with grace in all
places, is easy but never familiar, genteel without affectation. His
quick perceptions tell him what to do under all circumstances, and he
approaches a king with as much ease as he would display in addressing
a beggar. He unites gentleness of manner with firmness of mind;
commands with mild authority, and asks favors with grace and assur-
ance. Always well-informed and observant of events, but never
pedantic, he wins his way to the head through the heart, by the shortest
route, and keeps good opinions once won, because he deserves them.”

SOFT VOICES IN WOMEN

Such a man is indeed an ideal gentleman, and we believe ‘our land
has many such noble specimens. But if a gentleman needs to be all
" this, how much more essential are good manners to a woman! A rude,
loud-spoken, uncultured Woman is a positive blot upon nature, and
repels, by her lack of breeding, those who would not be slow to
acknowledge the real worth and talent she possesses, and which would
come to the surfaige w'erexshe clothed in the beautiful garments of

f1?

 

 

 

wwwawmfixm MM, .. A

BEAUTY WORTHLESS WITHOUT CULTURE. 27

modesty, gentle speech and ease of manner. A lady should be quiet
in her manners, natural and unassuming in her language, careful to
wound no one’s feelings, but giving generously and freely from the
treasures of her pure mind to her friends. Scorning no one openly,
she should feel gentle pity for the unfortunate, the inferior and the
ignorant, at the same time carrying herself with an innocence and
single-heartedness which disarms ill. nature, and wins respect and love
from all. Such an one is a model for her sex; the “bright particular
star” on which men look with reverence. The influence of such a
woman is a power for good which cannot be over-estimated.

Every youngg n'irl can become such a lady. Men strive to please and
honor such women, and through them must come those refinements of
manner and speech so necessary in society, for they thus become the

makers of manners worthy to be imitated.

BEAUTY WORTHLESS WITHOUT CULTURE

A woman may be gifted with great beauty, and yet be very unpre-

, possessing, if she does not cultivate that knowledge of the laws of

etiquette which will enable her to conduct herself so that she will not
attract attention by her awkwardness and ignorance of forms. It is
a common saying that many a woman who has no personal charms to
boast of is much more fascinating than her more beautiful sisters, some
of whom have depended entirely upon their looks to please, forgetting
that “beauty is only skin-deep,” and that the flower without perfume
is not admired, as is the less showy but fragrant blossom. Fine manners
are the outward manifestations of an inward beauty that the world is
quick to discern.

Society is held together by certain unchangeable laws, which bind
its different members in one harmonious whole. When these laws are ,
ignored through ignorance or indifference, how mortifying become the
experiences of those who commit a sin against good breeding. How
earnestly they wish that they had been taught better!

GOOD MANNERS COMPEL RESPECT

To be mannerly and respectful, to know how t‘t’d‘dccept the amenities

 

28 ' THE MAKERS OF ‘ MANNERS.

of social life andto return them in kind, compels respect, and com-
mands entrance into good society. And this can be attained by any
one, rich or poor, in this broad land of ours, where the narrow dis-
tinctions of caste have not as yet secured a foothold, and where every
man is as good as a king. Thus good manners become a practical lever
with which to raise one in his daily life. Wealth needs their aid to give
character and tone to the surroundings. The poor man needs them to
assist him in finding a higher position, which shall be more independent.

Believing, then, in the intrinsic value of etiquette, we would say, in
the words of another:

“The finest nature and the most generous impulses cannot make
graceful habits. He who knows society at its best is easily master of
himself in any lower level. Those who have bee-n bred in an atmosphere
of intelligent refinement, and know no way but the right way, are
happy, because mistakes to them \are well nigh impossible, but the
thousands in whose busy lives there has been time for little else than
useful and honorable work, but whose ambition prompts them to self-
culture, need not despair of mastering all necessary social forms, and
acquiring that gentle courtesy which is the winning secret of the gently
bred.”

 

CHAPTER II.
THE TEST OF A LADY AND GENTLEMAN

“I will chide no breather in the world but myself, against whom I know

most faults. ”
——-SHAKESBEARE.

0W often we see in a family or among intimates one man a
gentleman, courteous and deferent, while another is rough,
boorish and indifferent to the likes or dislikes of everyone. Just

here comes the real test of the noble man, the true gentleman. The
real man of worth not only seeks to conform to the usages which
society imposes, but he must have, as a. foundation, an earnest regard
for others, a tender chivalry, a consistent and untiring patience with
even the foibles which he discovers in his intercourse with those by
whom he is surrounded. - ’

This statement would be to some an argument to prove that nature
stamps the difference between the two sorts of men, but even nature
needs the aid of training and example, in order to bring to the surface
those manifestations of good breeding which will place a man on a
right footing with his associates.

GOOD MANNERS ALWAYS NECESSARY

From the earliest days of the ancients down to the present time,
manners have furnished the subject, for many learned discourses by
wits and philosophers, and a high estimate has ever been placed upon
them. Even the savage, in his rude state, has his code of Observances,
and is offended at any violation of them.

Aristotle held up the beauty of good manners to his pupils, and
declared them to be among the principal virtues. There are few people
who, if asked to say frankly which they preferred, a man whose

demeanor was courteous, attentive and polite, but whose mental
29

 

30 THE TEST OF A LADY AND GENTLEMAN.

qualities were not remarkable to one of brilliant attainments, but of
a rude, gruff manner, we think the unanimous verdict would be in favor
of the polished man. '

We do not deny that birth and training have their share, and a
‘large one, in the process of forming the manners, but even where these
early advantages havebeen lacking it is possible for every boy and
girl to cultivate the opportunities had, and develop into a. real gentle-
man or lady. '

DEFINITION OF A GENTLEMAN

A definition of a real gentleman, borrowed from Ruskin, is proper
here. He asserts that a gentleman should possess “that fineness of
structure in the body which renders it capable of the most delicate
sensation, and of that structure in the mind which renders it capable
of the most delicate sympathies.” In other words, he must unite the
strength of manhood, the courage and high sense of honor in all of his
transactions, with the delicacy and refinement of a woman.

Solomon, a high authority, describes a lady in the following glowing
language:

“The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.

“She will do him good and not evil, all the days of her life.

“She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth
her hands to the needy.

‘ “Strength and honor are her clothing.

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law
of kindness.” '

A gentleman is chivalrous to the old, the feeble, to children, and to
women.

. There comes a time in the life of every man when social duties
claim his attention, and then he has often to refer to some book on
etiquette for hints as to what is the correct or incorrect way to conduct
under certain circumstances. The stately manners of early colonial
days have no exemplars now. Our land, with its constantly changing
conditions, and the introduction of new elements and new customs,
demands a set of rules of etiquette of rather an elastic nature: but

i ,
jsame manners, is the ruling influence.

FORGETFUL OF SELF. -31

however much they may change in. minor particulars the most important

qualifications remain unchanged.
FORGETFUL OF SELF.

The first duty incumbent upon a man is, that he forgets self—that
in all his dealings with his fellow creatures, their wishes, their comfort
govern him. This is the true test of the gentleman.

He never poses With “company manners,” and shows rudeness at

home. He is not gentle and for-bearing with strangers, and rough and

unreasonable with the members of the home circle. The truly noble
gentleman would no more show ill—breeding to his own family than he
would to a lord of the realm. This is an infallible test of good breeding
—the conduct of a man at home and abroad. “’ith a warm heart, care
for humanity, the desire to do all he can to make people happy and
show them how desirable and beautiful is good behavior, no one dare

dispute his claim to the name of a true gentleman. He is, when all

these, fit to adorn that society which alone can be termed good societv
I
1"—not because good manners prevail, but where virtue, united to these

SOCIAL RESPONSIBILITY

“The interesting person,” says Lillian Whiting in The World I
Beautiful, “can never interrupt, no matter how busy you are; for he
supplements and vivifies rather than breaks the thread of thought. I
He can never come too often nor stay too long. The quality of interest
is due to no single gift, grace or acquirement that can be specified; it
is rather a flavor, an essence, an atmosphere. It is as incapable of.
definition as is any form of enchantment.

THE SOCIAL STAR

“The social lion may serve for a jest and witticism at pleasure; but
the social star is a different affair. Society is as subtle in its attrac-
tions and repulsions as is a chemical compound. Elective affinities
determine its composition. The entrance of a stranger into any special

 

 

 

_‘ .. ; , , _ we,
\ . ' . ‘ ‘ ' « ‘ /
I
/

132 THE TEST OF A LADY AND ‘GENTLEMAN.

coterie where mutual intimacy prevails is at once productive of changes!
in one way or another, serving to separate or unite others into closer
or into different relations. This fact indicates the responsibility in-
, herent in all social intercourse. For people to suppose they must find
their religion, in the sense of spirituality, at church, and their frivolity
at a dinner or a reception, is to take a narrow and an unworthy view \

of human life.
EXALTATION OF PURPOSE.

Spirituality, exaltation of purpose, are everywhere communica-
ble; and it is not only the privilege of the hour but its higher
duty to communicate such purposes. This is not to say that one should
go about with tracts and with gratuitous advice to bore people to
death and disenchant them with the very thought of earnestness or
exaltation. It is character, not exhortation, that truly influences. The
‘most potent influence is the unanalyzed; that which is felt, not formu- ‘ \
lated. ‘The presence of a noble nature changes the lights for us,’ says
George Eliot. ‘We feel that we, too, can be seen and judged in the
Wholeness, of our conduct.’ To come in contact with this noble nature
at a lunch, a tea, may be as valuable as to attend a church service or \a.
lecture._ It is uplift of spirit that is everywhere communicable, and it
is the simple duty of every well-bred person to hold himself amenable
to this social responsibility.”

 

  

 

 

 

CHAPTER III.
IMPORTANCE OF SOCIAL OBSERVANCES

“It is almost as difiicult to make a, man unlearn his errors as his knowledge.”

—COTTON.

0 ALL who aspire to be counted among those
who are familiar with the best usages of the

social world, the importance of such duties

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

appeals with great force. Even
though‘the cares of business or
the anxiety attendant upon the
universal rush and bustle of daily _
life may crowd the knowledge of

the “small, sweet cour-
7314 tesies” aside for a time,
they cannot be ignored
forever. Perhaps the business
man has been successful finan-
cially far beyond his expecta-
tions. He is now thrown into
that whirl known as society.-
How shall he conduct himself?
What must he do to avoid the
blunders he is sure he will
commit? Some men so placed
may be blessed with a wife to
lend him aid, and others may
have no wife. His only help,
then, is what he can learn frbm
books on etiquette, or What ‘
hurried hints a friend may give
him.

 

 

 

34 IMPORTANCE OF SOCIAL OBSERVANCES.

He now sees how binding are the claims which society has—he
Wishes from the bottom of his heart that these lessons had been taught '
him from youth up, so that he would find it a second nature.

TRAINING OF BOYS ABROAD

These matters are arranged better abroad. There, boys in the higher
walks of life are instructed as carefully in their duties as social beings,
as they are in school education, and the result is that they become
self-possessed, fine-mannered, at an age when they are considered mere
boys in our own land. ‘

It is quite necessary that men should be versed in the refinements
of good society. They have social duties to perform, and it is far more
satisfactory to know just what to do, and the right time to do it, than
it is to be wandering about, making the most laughable blunders. No
one can be at ease who is obliged to stop and think What comes next,
and What his share in it is.

A writer on this subject says: “The Whole condition of society is
elevated and improved by a due regard for its Observances and its forms.”

WHO MAKE SOCIAL LAWS

The laws governing society are the product of men, and differ very
little in any matter of consequence, no matter where we go. Their
Value is understood. At the root of all lies self-denial, forgetting of
self, and a kindly desire to do good to all. Good society‘s laws are
inexorable; only the refined and apparently moral can enter the
charmed circle. The rules laid down are all calculated to produce one
result—harmonymand are as incumbent upon one as the other. No
member can shirk the responsibility, and no one can transgress without
exposing himself to censure.

The first duty of society is to unite the many elements of which it
is composed, .so that an easy exchange of ideas and kindly intercourse
may be had. We are but parts of one great whole. Without the
restraining and educative force of society’s laws, we should relapse into
‘barbarism. No one’s rights would be respected, and might and brute

 

 

SOCIAL DUTIES GIVE PLEASURE. 35

force would govern the social fabric. All this is changed by the dictates
of etiquette.

In good society no word is uttered disparagingly of another; charity

for the foibles of its/members is enjoined; there is a gentle deference
shown toward women, grounded in a chivalric respect. Would all this
be possible did not men and women acknowledge the importance of
those duties that society thrusts upon them?

SOCIAL DUTIES GIVE PLEASURE

'T'o the hospitable nature the many calls which the social circle

makes, although at times a little onerous and exhausting, yet to such
an one they are productive of genuine pleasure. To entertain gives
these generous souls happiness. Their best‘ efforts are put forth to
dispense hospitality. To them the rules of good-breeding have a double
meaning, and are the reflection of their inner selves.

HOME TRAINING

To be all that a gentleman or lady in society should be, is far
easier when the advantages of early home training have been enjoyed.
Some parents, even among the class who should most thoroughly
comprehend the value of such instruction, are very remiss with their
children. The pertinent reply of the priest to a lady who inquired of
him when she should begin to teach her child, is singularly fitting.
‘zHow old is he?” was his query. “Three years.” “Madame, you have
lost two years already.” If mothers Would remember that with the
first look of recognition the child can be taught, they would be more
watchful to give it those instructions that would make all that followed
far easier to acquire. There is an expression of ease and self-possession
imprinted on the face of the man who has thus inherited good breeding
which stamps him as far above his fellows. ’ I

SOCIAL LEADERS

It. is not true, as some aver, that to shine, or rather, to lead in
society, one must be wedded to empty forms. Some of the noblest men

 

 

  

 

 

  

36 ' , . IMPORTANCE OF SOCIAL OBSERI’ULVCES.

and women whom the world has ever produced have adorned the salon
and lent the aid of their creative genius to the world of fashion. It
requires a brain to plan, an intellect to perform many of the social
duties that are imposed upon the leaders of society. To be always
courteous, to meet rebuffs and misunderstanding with a calm, well—bred
demeanor requires something more, than a knowledge of what/we
’ should do so far as etiquette goes; it demands a tender heart, a generous
forbearance, a self-possession which is rare and beautiful. It needs a
broad mind to be able to overlook the daily petty annoyances, the stings
.of the unthinking, the coarse and the false. It has been well said that
“Lindliness of disposition is the essence of good manners." This is a
thought that every one who aims to be a gentleman should take home.

DON’T GRO‘V NARROW

It is the tendency of the human mind to become a little narrow '
in its conceptions of the things that belong to others. “'e are too apt.
to belittle the efforts or the surroundings of our friends. The just man
or woman, however, sees the exact truth—that we are not alone,'a.nd
cannot be. And here is the test of the value of social duties. They
enlarge the mind, broadenthe understanding, and enable us to receive
cosmopolitan ideas. That is one cogent argument in favor of their
importance. They force us out of the groove in which we live, and
‘ bring us in touch with all the great questions of the day, with litera-
ture, art, philanthropy, social science, and all its kindred branches.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

‘ CHAPTER 1V.
HOME—THE LIFE IMMORTAL

    
  
   
    
  
   
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   

“It was the policy of the , * OURTESY is enjoined
good old gentleman to make has ‘ in Holy Writ. The
children feel that home was the n‘ _
happiest place in the world; A Apostle Peter says In
and I value the delicious home-
feeltng as one of the choicest
gtfts a parent can lie-
stow.”

-——WASHINGTON IRVING-

his exhortation to Wives and

 

husbands, “Be ye courteous.”
This is rightly con-
sidered .a Christian
Virtue, and will flour-
ish in rich profusion
when planted in
faith and a serene
trust in a higher
Power.

Nowhere does
this flower blossom
as richly as in the
home garden. Here,
the sweet and tender
ministrations of life
are born, which
flow out into the
world, to bless
others. The mem-
ories of

 

 

38 HOME—THE LIFE, IMMORTAL.

years are the dearest. They are never forgotten; the instructions given I
there are never effaced. These teachings have more in them than mere
set formalities—«they glow with life and warmth, for they recall the dear
faces of father and mother, brothers and sisters, ere the home circle
was broken; before care, and sickness, and separation came.

Those days were the preparatory ones, when the character was being
fitted for the struggle of life and for an enduring record.

HOME INFLUENCES

The choice of companions nas a powerful and far-reaching influence
upon the young. Were parents more careful in knowing who were
admitted to association with their children, it would not be so difficult
a task to inculcate those courteous manners which all admire. The
friends young people should select should have moral worth,'rather
than position in society. Their courteous conduct toward others is of
the greatest consequence.

Children are all imitative. Few there are who strike out an original
path for themselves. So the model they pattern after should be a good
one. If parents realized how great was their responsibility, how closely
they were watched and copied by their offspring, they would place a
perpetual guard upon their lips and manners, that nothing unlovely
could be reproduced in the home life.

BE COURTEOUS TO ALL

, Courtesy is incumbent upon all. A truly polite mistress will find
no trouble in having good servants, for she will remember that they are
human, and not stone, and possess feelings and rights that should be
respected. It is a coarse nature that is rude and overbearing to those
whom fortune has placed beneath it. The bad effects will be apparent
in another direction, for the insolent mistress will have insolent
servants. Courteous treatment, and a proper regard for their comfort,
will win their regard and more faithful services.

 

 

“I‘m to be Queen of the May, Mother,
I’m to be Queen of the DIay."

 

LITTLE FOLKS—THEIR ENTERTAINMENT AND DRESS

(Sn: Oman V.) \

“I m M. was people; mad at «I not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh fmm God, love us.”
—-DICKENS.

 

INDIFFERENT PARENTS. 41
TWO SETS 0F MANNERS

Where courtesy prevails at home, the young will be polite naturally,
and they will preserve this good-breeding wherever they are. Children
must never be allowed to have two sets of manners, one for home use
and the other for company. (We might add in this connection that
adults need not have, either.) Demand uniform courtesy—at their play,
and at their studies; at home and abroad.

_ Courtesy should begin at home, like charity, but neither should end
there. In the face of the mad rush and bustle of our daily lives, we, as
a nation, are courteous. Even Dickens, who scored us so unmercifully
in his “American Notes,” says of us: “But no man sat down until the
ladies were seated; or omitted any little act of politeness Which could
contribute to their comfort. Nor did I ever once, on any occasion,
anywhere, during my rambles in America, see a. woman exposed to the
slightest act of rudeness, incivility, or even inattention.” This indorse—
ment makes one feel proud. And a, courtesy so general as to win words
like these, can only spring from the fact that it is grounded in the
home teachings, which have instilled a spirit of chivalrous respect
which is an honor to any nation.

INDIFFERENT PARENTS

And yet it is sad to be compelled to say that there are families all
over our land who neglect to teach the small, sweet courtesies of every
day to those beneath their roof. Who allow them to talk boisterously,
romp all over the house at unseemly hours, shout to each other, and
commit a dozen such breaches of etiquette merely because they are at
home, and no company is there. Should friends call unexpectedly,
what a transformation. The young voices are subdued, the step is light
and soft, and quiet manners take the place of the rough and noisy
exhibitions of a few minutes previous. This is not being polite—it is
only a sham. They can be taught to exercise gentle manners at home;
to be thoughtful of the comfort of every member of the family; to be
guilty of no act that they would blush for were other eyes upon them.
Then they will become the real gentleman or lady.

 

 

42 HOME—THE LIFE IMMORTAL-

LOVE BEGETS LOVE

Courtesy must spring from an unselfiesh desire to do right. [There
is a beautiful myth floating on the topmost wave of the pretty fancies
" with which the world is blessed, which reads thus: Two children, a
sturdy boy and a gentle girl, are wandering in playful idleness through
an old garden, overgrown with weeds and rank grass. The boy finds
a bunch of keys—the talismanic number, three, and of a curious old
pattern, rusted and worn.

They look with indifference upon the keys, but having few toys, they '

keep them. Days pass by—the keys are forgotten, till one day they
find an old door set in a wall, over which the weeping-willow hangs,
hiding the framework with its heavy foliage, as if weary of its trust,
and‘anxious to give it up. The boy and girl, still playmates, search
patiently for a way to open the door; and at last, finding the key-hole
thick with cobwebs, they tear them eagerly away, and push the key
into the lock. The door creaks slowly, their strength is scarcely
sufficient to force it to turn on its rusty hinges, but they persevere, and

at last they step through, into a land so fair, a scene so lovely, that p

they hold their very breaths with delight.

The door in the neglected garden is the crust of selfishness which
has o’ergrown the hearts of the old and sorrow-weary. The keys are
the rusty and unused ones of love, patience and truth. Love that, seeks
the good of all; patience, that “overcometh evil,” and tenderly, earn-
estly, strives to do all the work set before it; truth, that speaks 110 ill,

keeps the tongue clean, the heart single. To these three keys it is. given ‘

to unlock the sealed mysteries and beauties of the heart which the world
has buried ’neath its rubbish.

HOME THE SCHOOL FOR ALL THINGS

The habit of being courteous cannot be learned by arbitrary rules,
but must be the outgrowth of home practice. If one is agreeable, civil,
kind, there, it will be very easy to be the same elsewhere. A coarse,
rough manner at home begets a kindred roughness or~ churlishness

3

 

   
  

 

 

 

AVOID EVIL SPEAKING. 43

l

I which cannot be laid aside when among strangers. Home is the school
for all things, especially for good manners.

And yet there is a higher thought in connection with instilling good
\ manners—the wonderful power which the parents have, especially the
mother, in moulding the lives of their children so that their future may
be rich in promise of a better life even beyond the grave. Immortal
life—What mother does not pray that it may be a, glorious one for her
darlings. And to that end she must interweave the lessons of politeness
and kindness with the beauty of virtue, of self-denial, of unselfish aims,
which alone can be attained by constant and earnest effort. So many
thoughts crowd in at this stage that we scarce can number them; but
first, let every mother teach her daughter that‘only a. good man is
worthy of her—that wealth or position can never take the place of a
lack of respect for the husband she chooses; that
she should be modest, faithful to all her duties,
and demand like qualities in others. And to her
sons a true mother will instruct that a sweet-tem-
pered, intelligent, refined girl, even though
she is not wealthy, will make a far better wife

 
   
  
  
 
   

than a vain, selfish, exacting nature, whose
only aim is to get all she can out of life,
irrespective of any one else’s wishes or
rights.

AVOID EVIL SPEAKING

Another evil to be avoided in the home
circle is the habit of discussing bad stories
heard or silly gossip. A son reared under
the roof-tree where evil speaking is indulged
in, goes into the world poorly equipped to
take up the cudgel in defence of the inno-
cent or maligned. Their opinions have been
warped and poisoned, until they look with

 

44 ' HOME—THE LIFE IMMORTAL.

distrust upon all. And a young girl who hears her parents repeating
scandals or imputing base motives to apparently good actions,will neces-
sarily, unless she has an inborn purity which leads her to abhor the
practice, beCome a captidus, envious gossip, and be shunned as such.

TEACH RESPECT

Habits of disrespect are often formed in the home circle. The
mother, fearful lest a bad opinion will be formed of her child’s rude
act, makes excuses, such as “He didn’t mean anything,” or “He’s so
cunning, I can’t bear to punish him.” What will be the effect of such
excuses upon the future life of the child. Disrespect for elders, unwil-
ling obedience, selfishness and even absolute rudeness. No parent
should overlook the fact that by their own example are they making
ladies and gentlemen. If all parents were scrupulously careful to thank
their children for little attentions received, reply to their various ques-
tions courteously, ask them to do favors in a pleasant manner, the first
important lessons would have been given in good manners, and it would
be an easy task to add those set forms which are conversant in all
polite society. And this sort of education goes on daily in the home
circle; its fruits are not ripening for this world alone, but reach out
into eternity. The moral lessons inculcated here fit the soul for that
immortal home which awaits every dweller on earth’s plane.

 

 

, CHAPTER v. .
Ll'l'TLE FOLKS—THEIR ENTERTAINMENTS AND DRESS

“Childhood shows the man as morning shows the day.”
——MILTON.

T MAY seem to the children that etiquette is not needed among them
—that all they have to do is to enjoy life and leave the forms and .
rules of every day to the older ones. But here is where they

commit a mistake. There should be strict etiquette observed at the
earliest age. There is the etiquette of home life, of the school-room,
the play-ground, the street, and it is the easiest matter in the world to
transgress it unless the lessons are taught while children, which are
to govern their after years.

’2 Every right-intentioned boy or girl is anxious
to be well liked. The first step toward this result
is to cultivate courteous manners. Be deferent to

   

those who are your superiors in age and
position. “Young America” has the idea.
that it is a proof of independence and man-
liness to speak flippantly and sneeringly
of parents or guardians, referring to them
as “the governor,” “the old lady,” or “the ‘
old party.” The listeners who may smile
at your “wit” will just as surely censure
you in their hearts for your coarseness and
disrespect. The boy who permits himself
to adopt this style of address will not make
of himself a gentleman. The'young person
who does not respect himself will not re-

spect his elders.
45

c

 

LITTLE FOLKS" ENTERTAINMENTS AND DRESS?

DEADLY FOES

  
 

Do not imitate the Vices of men, imagining that it. will make you a
'man' also. Smoking and chewing are deadly foes to the healthful
growth. Do not use tobacco. There is something unwholesome and
repellant about a boy who uses tobacco in any form. He loses his man-
liness and vigor, his sense of right and wrong becomes perverted, and
his ambition leaves him. Never touch tobacco or liquors, if you desire
to be a clean, manly man.

NOT ALL CAN BECOME FAMOUS

It is not given to all children to become famous. But it is in the
power of every boy and girl to be truthful, honest, outspoken, and
fearless; to hate a lie, and to check every evil thought. It is easy to
be a real lady or gentleman. Practice politeness—make it the rule of
your everyday life, at home, at school, or on the play-ground.

“We cannot all be heroes
And thrill .a hemisphere
With some great daring venture,
Some deed that mocks at fear;
But we can fill a lifetime
\Vith kindly acts and true,
There’s always noble service
For noble souls to do.

“We cannot all be preachers,
And sway with voice and pen,
As strong winds. sway the forest,
The minds and hearts of men;
But we can be evangels
T‘o souls within our reach,
There’s always love’s own gospel
For loving hearts to preach."

The big boy can see that the little one is not imposed upon by the
bully of the school. The big girl can take the part of another girl a
whose home surroundings are not so pleasant as her own. i"

 

  

, _ Never sneer at any one who is deformed or lame, or whose clothes
. are shabby. ‘

 

 

.nor turn and look after them

V ~ BE POLITE TO ALL. . p 47 ”

Care for your dumb [pets in a kind way, feeding them, and sheltering

\them. Neither torment them yourselves, nor allow others to.

In play, be fair. Do not cheat. This may be a hard lesson to learn,
but it is one of the grandest, to understand that. you must accord perfect
justice to others in your transactions with them. It will serve you 'Well
in after life.

Do not rush into the house like a whirlwind, forgetting to cleanse
your feet upon the mat. Shut doors quietly. There are people whose
nerves are so sensitive that doors slammed to will almost make them ill.

Don’t entertain your parents at the table with complaints of your
brothers and sisters or your trifling differences with your playmates.

Obey readily, even though you can’t see why you should or should

' not. .

BE POLITE TO ALL '

Speak pleasantly to your playmates. Never present yourself at
table with soiled face and hands, or uncombed hair. Do not interrupt
conversation. It is delightful to hear I
a bright, sensible boy or girl talk, but
they should wait until they are ad-
dressed, ,and tell what interests them in

 
 
 
 
 
  

a simple manner, without affectation,
or feeling that they are the observed of
all observers.

Boys, do not tease your

sisters, or try to dictate to
them. A manly boy pro-
tects his-sisters, and looks

after their comfort.
Do not stare at people,

in the street. If you observe
a peculiar looking or lame
person approaching, appear

 

 

48 LITTLE FOLKS" EN TERTAINMENTS AND DRESS.

not to notice such a one; pass without a. glance, and make no comment
until he is out of hearing.
BE ORDERLY

Have certain places for your clothes, your toys, tools, and books, and
when you are done using them, put them in their places. Cultivate this
habit, and you will grow into neat, orderly ladies and gentlemen, the
pride of your mothers, and will be welcome in every home which you
visit.

DO NOT MEDDLE

Never meddle with other people’s property. As a. rule,\it is very
offensive to have one’s cherished articles handled indiscriminately.
Many boys seize things which are shown them in a rough manner, and
pull them to pieces. Their fond parents excuse this destructive tendency
as the act of an “inquiring mind,” that “must know the ins and outs of
everything,” but we would prefer a boy to be a little less inquisitive, and
a little more of a. gentleman.

WHAT GIRLS SHOULD DO

Most of the advice given to the boys, is applicable to girls.

Be neat and cleanly, both in mind and body. Take scrupulous care
of your teeth and finger nails. Your clothes may not be of the richest
material, but if they are made neatly and are kept in perfect. repair, that
is all that is necessary.

Your every-day toilet is part of your character. A girl that looks like
a “fury” or “sloven” in the morning, is not to be trusted, however fine
she may look in the evening. No matter how humble your room may
be, there are eight things it should contain, namely: A mirror, wash-
stand, soap, towel, comb, hair, nail and tooth brushes. These are just
as essential as your breakfast, and before you come to the table you
should make good use of them. Make your toilet in your own room.
Parents who fail to provide their children with such appliances commit
a tin. Look tidy in the morning, and after dinner work is‘over, improve
your toilet. Make it a rule of your daily life to “dress up” for the after-

HAVE PETS. ' 49

noon. Your dress may, or need not, be anything
better than calico; but with a ribbon or flower,
or some bit of ornament added, you can have
a feeling of self-respect and satisfaction that
invariably comes with being well-dressed. A
girl of fine'sensibilities cannot help being em-
barrassed and awkward in a ragged and dirty
dress, with her hair unkempt, should a neighbor

  
 
 
  
 
 
  
  
 

come in. Moreover, self-respect demands the
decent appareling of your body You should
make it a point to look as well as you can,
even if you know nobody will see you but
yourself. ‘

Be frank, easy and cordial in your man-
ners. Do not fear to show that you have a
heart. Do not hesitate to say a kind word
to this one, or perform a trifling act of
courtesy for that one, for fear you may be
thought “queer;” give a cheery word to the
# aged one whose journey is almost over. Speak
the tlmely word to the sad-faced man or woman whose loneliness your
well meant effort will cheer.

Do not be afraid to let the sunshine of your happy souls flow out and
permeate all you meet. Be cheerful, frank, natural; and give royally
of the rich treasures of your generous souls, and blessings shall follow
you.

HAVE PETS

Every child should be encouraged to have a pet, even though it may
be a little in mamma’s way. Take the whole care of it yourself, so that
‘it may not annoy the other members of the family. We think there is
no finer plan to draw out the better instincts of a child’s nature, and
teach him to be gentle, and protecting and self-reliant, than to let him
have some sort of a pet to care for.

I

 
 

 

 

 

LITTLE FOLKS ENTERTAINMENTS AND DRESS.

HABITS TO AVOID

It is very rude to ask direct questions, such as “Where are you
going?” “What have you got in that package?” In fact, do not show
curiosity about other people’s affairs.

Do not look over another’s shoulder, when that person is reading,
nor read any letters, even if they are left carelessly lying around. You
have no right to pry into the business of any one.

Many children form habits which are not nice, such as spitting on
the floor, scratching the head, stretching themselves out upon a chair,
yawning, etc. All such habits are exceedingly low ed, and are avoided
by the child who aims to acquire good manners. .

HABITS TO CULTIVATE

Be open and frank in all your actions, and do not deceive your
parents as to where you are going of an evening, or whom you are going
with.

. Rise and ofier a chair to a. lady or an elderly person when they come
into the room.

Knock on a closed door when passing from one room to another.

Allow your parents or elders, or guests, to precede you when com-
ing in or going out of a. room, or passing upstairs.

Do not seize the best chair in the room, and pay no attention to any
one else.

Do not talk at the table, unless you are spoken to ; and then reply
politely and briefly. .

When you are old enough to go into business don’t look upon your
parent’s house as a. boarding house, but act respectful and considerate,
whether you pay your board or not.

OCCUPATION

_ Every child-should receive some training which will fit it for some
useful occupation in life. Riches are transitory, and laziness is the
parent of many sins. If you are never compelled to earn your own

5

 

o

CHOOSE GOOD. COMPANIONS. " ~ 51'

living, such training will discipline and develop a self-reliance and
energy. As a writer pertinently says, on this point: ' “

“Men like Franklin, and Lincoln, and Grant, and women like Harriet
Martineau and Harriet Beecher Stowe, and score-s 'of others who have
left their imprint on their nation or their age, were disciplined and
developed by labor. ‘Vould you see the strong and honored men and
women of to-morrow? They can be found in the field and factory
and office of to-day, gaining that patience and toughness of mental and
physical fiber which does noble deeds and conquers success. Labor is
not only a duty, it is a necessity of our nature, and in the end ministers
to our spiritual growth. Let no parent encourage a child to look for-
ward to a life of idleness. Life is a school, and he who lives an idle life -
misses its most valuable lesson.” ‘

CHOOSE GOOD COMPANIONS

Choose your companions with great care, and select those for inti-
mates who will not lower your moral tone. Many a poor boy is an
innate gentleman. Shrink from contact with the coarse and impure,
and do not choose your companions for the money their parents possess,
but for their true worth and agreeable manners. Children must be
taught never to be ashamed of apoor friend, but to blush if they have
a loud, rude associate, even though he may possess untold wealth. '

How SHALL I HOLD MY HANDS“?

A question often comes up, not so easily a.nswered,—What shall I
do with my hands? Some girls always carry a fan. But you cannot
always have one in your hands, so it is better to practice keeping the
arms pressed lightly against the sides in walking or sitting. This posi-
tion for the hands, although a. little stiff at first, Will soon become easy .‘
and graceful.

TIME IS MONEY

It is almost impossible for a girl to learn the value of time. If you
have occasion to enter a. place of business, state what you want and

6

  
 

 

 

 

52 ' LITTLE FOLKS ENTERTAINMENTS AND DRESS.

thenretire as Quickly as possible. You have no right to encroach upon

the time of a man of business.
USE MONEY SENSIBLY

When your parents give you money, or you earn it for yourself, learn
to spend it judiciously. Keep your accounts accurately. Bookkeeping
is a very important part of a woman’s education. The women of high
rank in England are careful accountants and keep a strict account of
all their expenditures. French women are taught the most rigid
economy. It is well to provide against future needs, and to have a
balance that you may bestow in charity.

AVOID A “LOUD” DEMEANOR

Above all, do not assume a “loud” or “fast” demeanor, imagining

that it is “stunning.” It is that—for it stuns all with whom'you come p ‘

in contact. Guard jealously your fair name. The first duty which every
young person owes to himself or herself, is to establish a good character.
This is easy. With the instructions that every inmate of'a. good home
receives, with the aid of kindly counsel and pure example, and an innate
love for things that are good, it is impossible that you should not build
up a character that shall be as impregnable as the rock of Gibraltar.

Every boy and girl should desire a good name. Then earn it, by
truthful lips and heart, by scorning deceit or base actions, by living
upright, fearless lives, which are proudly open to the inspection of all
the world.

In youth the foundation is laid for good or evil name. XVhile there
are many cases on record where bad boys and girls have outgrown their
ill-favored deeds and become good men and women, still the weight of
testimony proves such cases rare. The beautiful seeds that blossom
into grand deeds are planted in early youth. As a young person grows
up, so will he generally be found when mingling with the active duties
of real life.

You owe the winning of a good name to yourselves, and to the
parents and friends Whose peace of mind is to be made perfect, or rudely

 

 

CHILDREN’S PARTIES. 53 . ‘

crushed, by your conduct. Then strive for a. good name; cherish it care-
fully, and remember that immortal text, “A good name is rather to be
chosen than much riches.”

CHILDREN’S PARTIES

Children’s parties should be simple in character. Evening hours are
not as healthful for the little folks as the afternoon hours. If the parties
are held in the evening, the hours should not be held later than ten, at
the utmost, and begin at seven.

Children enjoy these gatherings with all the strength of their fresh
natures, and should be treated liberally t0 the-m.

BIRTHDAYS

Birthdays especially should be observed.‘ Even in the house of
mourning they may be kept up, for children should not be forced to
share in a grief which they cannot understand.

Refreshments should be abundant, but not rich.

I

Plenty of cakes, nuts, fruits, with lemonade, ices and coffee, are suit-
able. Cold chicken, roast beef sliced very thin, and made into delicate
little sandwiches, are nice. '

Do not forget the birthday cake, the crowning glory of the party.
The child in whose honor the party is given, must cut the cake and serve
it to the others, if he or she is old enough to know how to attend to it.

If not, the duty devolves upon an older sister, or the mother.

Dancing, games, and riddle-guessing are among the recreations. It
is not expected that presents should be brought by the little guests,
although it is often done.

HALLOWEEN

There is also the Halloween party, for Halloween day.
Jack lanterns and tin horns are then quite in order. False faces add
to the merriment.

PATRIOTIC HOLIDAYS

All days, such as Washington’s birthday, can be well celebrated
by the children. At the table see that the decorations are red, white

. eSS.- The refreshments can consist of Washington’s, favorite dishes,
tissuchx as sliced ham, fried chicken, etc. Red, White and blue ice cream ,
can easily be made; same of cakes, Children are young but once, let

fismake them happy if we can. It pays in the end. a ‘
5.”. 1, “1'10ve these little people; and it is not a slight thing ‘When they, :5"
:_..th0 are so fresh from God, love us.” ‘

" Remember, boys that ten thousand of the greatest faults in our

neighbors are of less consequence to us than one Of the smallest in our-

” selves.

 

“ x x

\ “""i?n&\

' Q}

=~ ‘

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER VI.
SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS--HOW TO OVERCOME IT

“Awkward, embarrassed, stzfi, without the skill
Ofnzovirzg gracefully, or standing still;
One leg, as if suspicious of his brother,
Desirous seems to ram away from t’ot/oer.” .
—CHURCHILL.

‘ N I E THINK there is not a more distressing sight than the timid
novice in society, the young man who is in perpetual misery
lest he commit some blunder whichwill subject him to criti-

cism in the circle in which he moves. Timidity and awkwardness go

hand in hand. Is it not strange that this bashfulness belongs more
commonly to that sex to which women look for protection and strength
of character? It is equally strange that few women are bashful, to the
verge of awkwardness. No matter how modest or shrinking they may
be by nature, they have ever'an innate sense of the fitness Of things, a
happy blending of timidity and self-possession that puts them at ease.
This bashfulness has gone through life with some men. They could

not shake it off. It clung to them like a garment. Society is to such a

, prolonged torture,‘ and its exactions become unendurable; and yet they

realize more fully than the easy, comfortable, self-possessed man the

great benefits that mingling with their fellows will bring to them.

THE CAUSE OF SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

The tortures which a shy man endures would make a volume by
themselves. The questiohs arise, From what cause does this bashful-
ness spring? From an inherent modesty that makes them shrink from
contact with those whose manners are more polished than their own?
We have always been of that opinion, but we see it affirmed that shyness
is but another form of egotism; and‘the writer who makes this asser-

tion explains by saying that it is the egotism which leads one to think,
' O 55 .

56 SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS—HOW TO OVERCOME IT.

constantly of self, even though in a disparaging fashion. We believe
this view very uncharitable, and regard this shyness a sort of humility
that prompts a young person of either sex to dread lest they be criticised
unmercifully for their gait, their manners or their personal appearance.
Indeed, it has a deeper origin—it is a nervous seizure which he can, '
neither crush or drive away. Thus his only resource is to endure it as
best he can.

ENTERTAINING A BASHFUL PERSON

It is a painful task to attempt to entertain a very bashful person.
One almost feels in their presence as if their own light-heartedness were
but a form of coarseness, so fiercely will the blood rush to the face of
such a person at your well-intended sallies of wit. A man who is con-
strained and awkward can dampen the pleasure of a social gathering
in this manner.

SOCIAL SIDE OF LIFE

It is natural for men and women to seek companionship. A bashful
man is no exception to this rule. He feels that strong attraction quite
as deeply as does the one who was never taken at a disadvantage in his
life. The attrition of other minds, the seeking of fellowship is produc-
tive of good. It develops the social side of the nature, and puts the
stamp of polish upon all we do and say. This contact teaches many
useful lessons of forbearance and patience, without which human nature
would be incomplete.

BASHFULNESS NO DISGRACE

It is no disgrace to be bashful. It is founded upon a native
delicacy of feeling, which, properly trained, will expand into a manly
gentleness. It is only tl e manifestation of it which is to be deplored.
The young person who (annot enter a. room without fancying all eyes
are upon him, nor be spc ken to without stammering and trembling like
a leaf, is sure to become conspicuous through those very faults, and thus
they become intensified, and he becomes an object of ridicule with the
coarse or unthinking. .

 

 

 

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single thread."

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will anls—How they are emerald/Md.

PERSONAL OPINIONS. ' 59

GREAT MEN HAVE BEEN BASHFUL

It is a matter of history that some of the world’s greatest men have
been exceedingly bashful. George Washington was timid in the pres-
ence of ladies when a youth, and yet he became one of the most courtly
of gentlemen in after years. Both Sheridan and Curran were appalled
at the sound of their own voices on the occasion of their maiden
speeches. It is related of Cowper, the poet, that he could not pass any
one on the road, but would make a detour through the fields, so much did
he dread to meet strangers.

These examples are but a few of the many that may be gleaned from
history, but show sufficiently that this afliiction is confined to no station
in life, but that men of all ranks have been its victims.

PERSONAL OPINIONS

Young men often, through real modesty, put forth their remarks in
the form of personal opinions; as, with the introduction of, “I think
so-and-so.” or, “Now, I, for my part, have found it otherwise.” This is
generally prompted by humility; and yet it has an air of arrogance.
The persons who employ such phrases mean to shrink from affirming
a fact into expressing a notion, but are accused of designing to extend
an opinion into an affirmance of a fact. This is another form of hash-
fulness which must be conquered.

EMBARRASSMENT

The shy man is forever committing some blunder. He is either
stepping on a lady’s dress, or spilling water on his neighbor at
table, or knocking down some fragile bit of briea-brac with those elbows
of his that are in the way on all occasions. In the smoking room he is
very apt to upset the cuspidor. In the drawing room he stumbles over
a. footstool, or a button gets entangled in a. lady’s lace. In the dining
room he spills the salt or tips over a cream jug. In short, there is no
end to his awkwardness. When he is presented to a lady, he cmors up
violently, and stammers out some inappropriate remark or unmeaning

 

60 SELF-CONSCIOUSNESSwHOI/V TO OVERCOME 1T.

   
   
  
   
    
  
   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
 
   
   
   
  
   

quostion. He is generally in a hurry, and if asked to take a, lady in to
supper, he drags her in as though she were a lifeless bundle, and sits
during the meal as silent as a statue.

MAN NERS OBLIGAT‘ORY

A knowledge of the code of manners, so earnestly desired, and
anxiously copied, by the timid, is binding upon all who would move in
good society, needed in all situations, and found everywhere. Every
race, every tribe, even, has its own set rules of conduct to which we
must conform if we would dwell among them. These laws of etiquette
need not be looked upon as disagreeable restraints to be fretted against
and tossed aside at will. Rather are they protections against the en.
croachments of the rude, the thoughtless, and the ignorant. Then what
wonder is it if the morbidly shy and retiring person looks with sincere
admiration upon that ease of manner which his intimates display? How
he envies the self-possession of the man who can enter a. room full of
people without a tremor, and greet them calmly with no sign of being
disconcerted. He would give much to be able to imitate him.

SOCIAL SUCCESS

It is said that true self~respect cannot exist apart from humility. If
this be so, the bashful youth assuredly has considerable self-respect
for the foundation of his shyness; a feeling which begets a due con-
sideration for others, and a correct measurement of them. This respect '
leads to deference to superiors and especially to women. So the young
man who enters society with a deep-rooted dread lest he be capable of
some sin against its tenets, when he has trained himself to use that
society as a means, not an end, will eventually become one of the
brightest ornaments of the social circle, whom it will be a pleasure and
pride to know. And one of the first steps to that training is to place
himself under the tutelage of an experienced elderly lady, who will
kindly help him to an understanding of what he should and should not
do. There is no friend more useful to a beginner in society’s ways than
a gentle, thoughtful woman; the young man who succeeds in enlisting
the interest of such an one is certain of social success.

 

SELF-DEPRE CIA TI ON. ‘ 61

HOW TO CONQUER TIMIDITY

What should the bashful man do first in order to acquire self-
possession? Forget self. He should not once think of how he is going
to appear to others, or what he must say. He must enter a room quietly,
and as if there were not another occupant. When he is addressed, he
must concentrate his thoughts upon the words spoken to him, and
answer clearly and unconcernedly (of course polite-1y). Self-possession
inspires confidence, and establishes a sort of free-masonry, which places
people on an equal footing. There is no doubt that to a certain extent'
first impressions are lasting. And that is another strong plea for their
being of an agreeable character. Emerson, who has written forcibly
on this subject, in speaking of manners declares that, “When we reflect
on their persuasive and cheering force: how they draw people together;

how in all the clubs manners make the members; how man-
, ners make the fortune of the ambitious youth; that, for the
most part, his manner-s marry him, and, for the most part, he marries
manners; when we think what keys they are, and to what secrets,
what high lessons and inspiring tokens of character they convey, and
what divination is required in us for the reading of this fine telegraph,
——we see what range the subject has, and what relations to convenience,
power and beauty. * * * The maxim of courts is that ‘manner is
power.’ A calm and resolute bearing, a polished speech, an embellish-
ment of trifles, and the art of hiding all uncomfortable feelings are
essential to the courtier. * * * Manners impress. every one, for
they indicate real power. A man who is sure of his point carries a broad
and contented expression, which everybody reads: and you cannot
rightly train to an air and manner, except by making him the kind of
man of whom that manner is the natural expression. Nature forever
puts a premium on reality.”

SELF-DEPRECIA'I‘ION

The shyness of some people arises from a dread lest they may be
thought inferior to those with whom they are associated. This fear

 

. 62 ' SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS—HOW TO OVERCOME 12".

V

can easily be corrected by asking, Who is my superior? and answer-
ing it thus, No one merely from the accident of position orcircum-
stances alone. Only he is superior who is so by grandeur of character,
noble deeds and lofty impulses.

And some again decline to make an effort to be polite and deferential ,
lest they maybe deemed servile. There is no servility in courtesy.
Some strong, self-contained nature-s may set at defiance some minor L
social laws, but such natures would possess still greater influence did
they add the charm of good manners to their other good qualities. It
is often asserted, as an excuse for some glaring deficiency in this regird,
“But he’s a rough diamond.” But would not that same diamond be far
more brilliant and beautiful if it were polished and cut?

SHYNESS BECOMES AWKVVARDNESS

When shyness is carried to excess, it degenerates into awkwardness.
The feeling that you are about to do something clumsily precipitates
the very catastrophe so much dreaded. The awkward man will drop
anything he tries to hand to a lady, falls over hassocks, opens windows ‘
When he should close them; to be brief, he is the terror of the ladies, for ‘
they know that he is liable to imperil their comfort in some unexpected ,
manner at any moment. At the table he creates confusion and ill-
‘ concealed merriment, until the unfortunate cause feels ready to fly
forever from a scene where he is so out of place.

UNDUE SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS

There is another class who are self-conscious. - This is as disagreeable .
as it is foolish. Those who have this fault are ever holding up the
mirror to their own personality. When they converse, it is of self they ,
are thinking. They never forget themselves for an instant, and are
always posing that others may admire. Their gaze is perpetually .
wandering to catch an expression of how they are valued. Such people
impress one very unpleasantly. They are self-constituted “lions.” They
grow dogmatic, opinionated, and repel when they fancy they astonish. j

 

 

rr

INHERITED BASHFULNESS. 63

A CURE FOR SHYNESS

Every man can become a gentleman, just as every woman can become
a lady. An acquaintance with the laws laid down for social etiquette
is the shortest road to this end. It is a duty which the timid man owes
to himself to conquer his weakness. A shy person will throw a restraint
over a. group of people, and cause the most'sparkling conversation to

flag; it is impossible to become friendly and
chatty with such an individual.
His presence will have the efiect

thaws out.
of checking others’ enjoyment, or
else they become indifferent to

,_ him, and leave him to his own

resources. This is unkind, for
the man or woman who is shy is
painfully modest, and will go
through life misunderstood and
unappreciated. He needs the most
delicate sympathy. He should be
encouraged to talk, but it must

be done in so careful a manner

that he will not be conscious of your intent,
else will his pride take alarm, and he will

retreat from the field.

INHERITED BASHFULNESS

Bashfulness is often an inheritance, and
children who are its victims are left too

much to themselves.

mere courageous brothers and sisters. Every
cpprrtunity should be given them to min-
g‘e with their elders. They should be taught
dancing, gymnastics, boxing, and all similar
They should be taught

accomplishments.

The boy or girl who
is sensitive should not be ridiculed by the.

      
 

He never

 

 

 

64 « SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS—HOW TO OVERCOME IT.

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music and elocution. They should go much into society, even if it is
agony to them. The physical grace and poise these instructionsimpart
to a youth will extend to the-mind as well, and gradually confidence in
his own ability will be engendered. A youth thus educated grows
graceful—his carriage bespeaks a healthy dignity born of a freedom
from pretense. '

Take boys who are bashful into the parlor when guests are present,
but do not force them into prominence. Watch them, but do not let
them feel that they are the objects of solicitude. Leave them uncon-
cerned and free from restraint. Present them quietly to the guests as
if it were an everyday event, and leave them to wander through the
rooms at their own pleasure. They will soon grow accustomed to their
surroundings, and the feeling that nothing is expected of them will soon
lead them to wonder why this is so. From wondering, they will com-
mence examining self, then imitating others, and this silent training
will soon show good efiects in their outward demeanor.

DO NOT BECOME AFFECTED

But it is, after all, so easy to be rid of bashfulness, the means are so
plainly Within reach, that we would impress upon a young man that
he should guard against the opposite extreme—assuming an ease which
is not felt; an affectation of well-bred indifference which becomes an
impertinence, such as lounging in company, pretending to suppress a

yawn, humming to oneself, staring blankly at people, or carelessly nodr

ding to them. These “airs” are too transparent, and will never be
mistaken for that familiarity with good society which they would have
us believe they possess.

WORDS OF ADVICE

To the really shy we would say: Give close attention to what is
going on around you; store your mind with the current thought of the
day. Determine to make the best of every circumstance. Mingle with
well-bred people. Social friction is absolutely necessary would you
become polished. Do not be in a hurry about anything. This is fatal to

ii
ii
i
i

   

 

WORDS 0F ADVICE. 65 y

the highest politeness. Select a good model from among those who
shine in society, and follow it. Goldsmith says—“People seldom improve
when they have no other model but themselves to copy after.” Remem-
ber, that by patient efiort alone can you cast aside that shyness which
makes society and its demands so oppressive. We think that these
words are fitting and timely:

“Let the shy man remember that people are not thinking about him
nearly as much as he supposes,——they are all too busy thinking about
themselves. Let him especially avoid nervoUs, awkward tricks—playing
with his cane or his hat or his watch-guard. If he can once learn to
sit perfectly still, he has done a great thing, although he must beware
of a repose that is too stiff, and he must not look as if he had been frozen
into one special attitude. We Americans are too nervous and too
energetic to care to sit entirely quiet for more than a very short time;
and yet the ability to do so in company and malice prepense shows
one has reached the high-water mark of good-breeding.” V

REPRESSION

So often have I seen people, when under the spell of repression,
appear as though bashful, that I feel a suggestion regarding the method
of overcoming repression is not out of place here—rather do I believe
it is quite in place.

Repression, due frequently to slights, real or fancied; to sorrow,
secret or otherwise; to indignation, justly or unjustly, and often to em-
barrassment, caused by some one throwing about an atmosphere of
" superiority, can, like everything else, be cured.

HOW TO OVERCIOME REPRESSION

First and foremost, remember that you are God’s child——-that no one
can influence you the least degree, unless you so will it. God created all
men equal—if one man seems superior to you because of some special
gift, another seems superior because of some other special gift, and so
it is everywhere; but remember, the more gifted the man, the more
simple are his manners. Great men and women then are not the ones
that make you feel ill at ease——rather is it those men and women who

 

- 66' SELF-CONSCIOUSNESS—HOW TO OVERCOME 1T.

have not real worth in themselves. The latter simply assume superior-
ity by their method of conduct towards others. Of 'the latter class have
no fear, their influence is of short duration and of no importance at the
best. Realize at once your oneness with the Father.

If occasion ofiers, look up to the sky and breathe new life from hea-
ven. See only the good and good will be the result. No one can repress
you when you are surcharged with divine strength. Be simple, be
natural, think good, and you will act well. Herein lies the secret. Meet
the harmony of spirit and purpose. Health of mind will keep you in a
healthy atmosphere and in abounding good will. It is the dark and
unhealthy mental states that keep seven-eighths of humanity in a de-
pressed spirit. '

“To one firmly persuaded of the reality of heavenly happiness, and
earnestly desirous of obtaining it, all earthly satisfactions must needs
look little and grow flat and unsavory.”——Atterbury.

 

 

 

CHAPTER Vll.
INTRODUCTIONS—THEIR IMPORTANCE

“If a man does not make new acquaintances, as he advances through life, he
will soon find himself left alone. He should keep his friendship in constant
repair.” ,

—JOHNSON.

N introduction is virtually an assurance that the parties thus
A presented to each other are equals in point of desirability and
reputation, and should on this account be very sparingly given,
for no one can foresee what the result of an acquaintance will be. It
is very annoying, after you have thus made two people acquainted, to
learn that one has “cut” the other in' some public manner. It is a
reflection upon your judgment and good intentions. It may prove,
however, that one or the other learns something derogatory of which
you were ignorant, thus still further adding to your mortification and
dismay.
On this account there is a responsibility attached to the giving of
introductions, which should not be assumed at random. It is better to
err upon the side of being too careful than not careful enough.

CONTINUING OF ACQUAINTANCE

At the same time it is always to be assumed that such persons as
you meet at a friend’s house are proper persons to be introduced to you.
It is not, however, obligatory upon you to continue the acquaintance,
unless you really wish to. There are cases where, by frequently meeting
the same persons, and finding them very agreeable, and correct in their
deportment, a. friendship has sprung up which has proven mutually

beneficial.
LADIES BECOMING ACQUAINTED

Two ladies can, with propriety, converse, wherever they chance to
meet, without the formality of an introduction. This free-masonry

among women is very charming, we think.
67

 

68 I INTRODUCTIONS~THEIR IMPORTANCE.
It is always easy to drop any acquaintance that proves undesirable.
INTRODUCTIONS NOT ALWAYS NECESSARY

In England, among the higher social circles, it is quite the thing to
address people you meet at friends’ houses, and introductions are often
dispensed with. There, the fact of meeting under one roof, is deemed
guarantee sufficient. In this country, where society is more mixed, it
is considered the best etiquette for the hostess to introduce her guests
to each other. If, through any inadvertence this form is omitted, per-
sons of fine breeding will not hesitate to accept each other’s polite
advances. A frigid repulse of any courtesy offered is a direct insult to
the friends under whose roof you are. '

It is very true that “A disagreeable woman can always find reasons
enough for being chilling and formal; a fine-tempered woman can
always find reasons enough for being agreeable.” I

One should always acknowledge an introduction, even though you
receive one to your greatest enemy, whom your host has unwittingly
presented to you, even if once outside the door you resume your old.
dislike; still, while he is the guest of your friend, you should treat him
politely, nor disturb theharmony which should prevail.

Do not fancy because a lady or gentleman does not recognize you
the next time you meet, that it is their intention to ignore you. One
who is much in society sees so many people that it is impossible to
remember all their faces, and some are preoccupied and not designedly
neglectful.

A “CUT” DIRECT

A direct cut is seldom excusable. Never cut any one unless you have
grave reasons for wishing to discontinue their acquaintance. Some
ladies shrink from recognizing a poorly-dressed acquaintance, or one
whose social position is not as good as their own. This feeling borders
on snobbishness. At any rate it lowers the standard of right and
wrong, and shows that you are deficient in Christian kindness.

A gentleman never refuses to bow respectfully to his servants on the

 

HOW A GENTLEMAN SALUTES. 69

street, and a lady should do the same. Her social standing must be
far from firm if she fears that she will compromise herself by such
civilities. There is no reason why a lady should bow first.

The best way is for the one who sees the other first to bow, whether
it be the lady or the gentleman.

HOW A GENT'LEMAN SALUTES

When two ladies are walking together, and are met by a gentleman
known to one of the ladies, he should raise his hat politely to both. Or
if a lady is met by two gentlemen, one of whom she knows, it is usual
for both gentlemen to bow.

When introductions take place, the name should be very distinctly
pronounced. Some people are very careless about this. If you do not
[hear it plainly it is no disgrace, and it is well to say, “I beg pardon,
but I shall have to ask you whom I have the honor of addressing.” It
prevents awkward mistakes afterward.

HINTS

Never interrupt a conversation for the purpose of introducing any
one.

At a dance, do not present a young man to a lady without first
asking her permission.

Be very guarded about introducing titled foreigners to young ladies.
Sometimes titles are not open to inspection.

A pleasant form of introduction is, “Miss Brown, I wish you to know
my friend, Miss G.”

A WIFE INTRODUCING HER HUSBAND

A wife introduces her husband in the following manner: “This is
my husband, Mr. W’eston,” and not “This is my husband.” If he has a.
title she should add that, as “This is my husband, Judge Oswald.”
Some ladies feel delicate about this matter, but it is proper, as he thus
obtains his correct status with strangers. A lady can always introduce
the immediate members of her family without asking permission to do
so. She pays strangers a compliment by this attention.

 

70 INTRODUCTIONS—THEIR IMPORTANCE.

In introducing any relative, the full name should be given, as “This
is my cousin, Miss Mamie Morton,” not “my cousin Mamie.”

PRESENTING THE YOUNGER TO THE ELDER

When there is a marked difierence in ageythe younger lady should
be presented to the elder one, unless a superiority exists in position,
when the private and unknown lady should be presented to the famous
one. A gentleman is presented to a lady. But as we have said else
where, it is unwise to be too ready to give introductions. '

MENTION THE TITLE

Always use the title a gentleman possesses. A clergyman is ad-
dressed as the Rev. Mr. Blagden; a doctor of divinity, as “the Rev. Dr.
Mather;” a member of Congress as “Honorable.”

The usual form of introduction between equals in age or position
is “Miss Kay, Miss Patterson.” “Mr. Nagel Mr. Thompson.”

DO NOT‘ “SCRAPE ACQUAINTANCE ”

No young lady of refinement will “scrape acquaintance” with one
of the opposite sex. we cannot imagine an occasion where it is per-
missible. The origin of this term, “scraping acquaintance,” is not of a
character calculated to inspire one with admiration, but it is as lofty
as the act itself. This old story is handed down to us from the times
of a very illustrious personage—the Roman Emperor, Adrian. Of
course we do not vouch for it. It is related of him that he was at the
public baths one day when he saw one of his veteran soldiers scraping
his body with a tile. The emperor ordered that his old comrade in
field and fray should be supplied with better cleaning materials, and
mo‘ney.

But his goodness seemed likely to be abused, for on another occasion
he found a score of old soldiers who had fought under him standing
in the water, while each was carrying himself with a tile and wincing at
the pain inflicted.

The emperor perfectly understood the meaning of the sight; so he
said to them:

 

 

YOUNG LADIES NEED NOT SHAKE HANDS. ‘71

“Ah, my fine fellows, you had better scrape one another; for,” he
added, “you certainly shall not scrape acquaintance with me I”

YOUNG LADIES NEED NOT SHAKE HANDS

A young lady should not shake hands on being introduce-d. A
modest bow is sufficient acknowledgment. This custom of hand-shak-
ing, like many of our modern forms, is borrowed from the French. The
impulsive warmth of their nature makes it natural for them to bestow
a. more hearty greeting than a mere nod, but Americans and English
show more reserve with strangers.

At a second meeting two ladies may offer their hands, but ladies
seldom extend their hands to gentlemen, save to their most intimate
friends. A lady is at her best when she exhibits a modest and retiring
manner. ,

On entering a parlor, if you are not recognized by the lady of the
house, at once, refresh her memory by mentioning your name.

The friend who is visiting at your house must be introduced to all
callers, and they will in return, pay all the attention in their power,
such as inviting your guests to their house, planning little receptions,
etc., during the [period of their stay.

It is also part of your duty as a hostess, to make a party in their ‘
honor, either when they first arrive, to present them to your friends,
or on the evening previous to their departure, as a kindly farewell

INTRODUCING IN THE STREET

When friends meet in the street, and pause for a moment’s conver-
sation, it is unnecessary to introduce a friend who may be with you.
But if you prefer to do so, you may introduce them. Still, introductions
of this nature do not compel either party to pursue the acquaintance,
and a well-bred gentleman will not presume upon the opportunity thus
given him by chance. .

INTRODUCING VISITORS

If several visitors call upon a lady at the same time, she should
present them to each other, thus putting them at ease.

72 ' INTRODUCTIONS—THEIR IMPORTANCE.

In introducing two gentlemen, address the elder, or superior, with
“Allow me to present to you my friend, Mr. Hale. Mr. Hale, Mr. Gordon.”

Adapt yourself to the society in which you find yourself. If you
feel sad or ill, and cannot shake it off, do not go into company. You
have no right to depress others.

All introductions given at a croquet or lawn-tennis party, or on a
yachting excursion are merely for the time, and do not involve after ‘
recognition. ‘

REQUESTING INTROD UCTIONS

A gentleman may with propriety request an introduction to a lady
at a party or ball, and should pay her some attention, but the acquaint-
ance need go no farther, unless mutually agreeable.

It is very impertinent for a gentleman to join a lady in the street
when she is walking with another gentleman; and it would lay him
open to the charge of having some motive (most likely an interested
one) in thus forcing himself upon another man.

“It is clearly the duty of a hostess, at a ball or dancing party, to
endeavor to provide her guests with partners, and for that purpose she
must either make the introductions herself or through the help of
others. Young men often present each other to young ladies, and it is
entirely proper that they should do so if they have first asked leave. A
gentleman may also ask a lady, if he knows her well, to introduce him
to another lady when a proper opportunity shall occur. Of course he
could neither Wish nor expect his friend to cross a crowded room with

him to make the introduction; because she would then be left to make
I a bad third, or else to retrace her way alone; an awkward situation
except for one of the ladies of the house.”

LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION

These should always be carefully worded and left unsealed. It is
not expected that the bearers will examine the contents, though it is
understood that they are known to them.

A business letter of introduction is expressed in set terms, as—

 

GIVING LETTERS 0F INTRODUCTION. 73

Mr. ‘

 

Dear Sir:——I have the pleasure of introducing to you Mr.
of Any favors you may extend to him will be appre-
ciated by Yours very truly,

 

 

Letters of introduction of a social nature should be written very
carefully, and on the best of note paper, of a neat size, and with an
envelope to match. A letter of this sort, commending the person intro-
duced, should give the full name, the place of residence, and express
the wish that the acquaintance thus formed be productive of mutual

pleasure.
GIVING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION

Great discrimination should be exercised in giving letters of intro-
duction. We think there are too many of these sort of favors asked and
given, already. You “become responsible for the good behavior of the
one whom you introduce. You should never take the liberty of furnish-
ing a letter of introduction only to a friend of long standing. Another
thing to be considered in a social letter of introduction is whether the
parties thus made acquainted will prove congenial. Ifthey do not,
they may both end by blaming you.

INTRODUCTION BY CARD

Introductions may be made by card as well as by letter. The gen-
tleman introducing the other writes upon the upper left hand corner
of his own card the words “Introducing Mr.

 

 

,” and incloses
it with the card of the gentleman so named in an envelope of good
quality, and of the fashionable style and size. The recipient of a busi-
ness letter of introduction is not bound to extend any courtesies of a.
social nature. The acquaintance is of a purely business sort, and may
end in the store or office.

Etiquette demands that these rules be observed with exactness.
Should the person introduced be a lady, she follows the same method,
inclosing her card with. that of the one introducing her, and sends it
by mail or a messenger. The lady receiving these must call in person,

74 INTROD UCTIONS—THEIR IMPORTANCE.

or some member of her family. must represent her. If she fails in this, .
she must send a message explaining her reason. If a call is not made, ,

Within a few days such an omission is an act of rudeness.
ANSWERING LETTERS OF INTRODUCTION

“A letter of introduction, received through the post, stating that an
individual or family which the writer highly esteems, is about to locate
near you, and asking your kindly attentions, must be answered imme-
diately, with expressions of anxiety to be of service to the strangers
so recommended. The person or family thus introduced should be
called upon at the first opportunity. Such a request to call upOn a
stranger admits of no delay, and no after attentions can make amends
for neglect.” « '

The custom in Europe is for the person having the letter of intro-
duction to make the first call. This is repugnant to our independent
spirit, as it puts the bearer in the position of begging an acquaintance.
We consider it in far better taste to send it by another source, and
await its acceptance.

PAPER TO BE USED

 

 

It may appear a trifling matter and not worthy of consideration _ 1

Whether a letter of introduction is written upon fine paper, well ex-
pressed, and neatly inclosed, or whether its receipt is acknowledged
promptly. But these details are of importance and their observance
will determine your standing as a lady or gentleman, and give you the
opportunity of conferring happiness upon others.

PRIVILEGES OF MIDDLE AGE

When gentlemen and ladies have reached middle age, their motives
cannot be misconstrued if they form acquaintances in traveling With-

out the formality of an introduction. But even this acquaintanceship V
must be had with reserve, and not be continued beyond the time of ,

casual meeting. Any approach to familiarity must be checked at once.
A young lady cannot, however, avail herself of this privilege of chance
acquaintance.

INNOCENCE

“Stand Hg with Telucumt feel,
Where the brook and 71'ch meet,
J aidcnhnod and childhood meet.”

 

 

 

 

 

IN THE GOOD OLD DAYS

CHAPTER Vlll.
GREETING AND LEAVE-TAKING

“T1'uej'7'iemlslzz'p’s laws are by this rule expressed:
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.”
—POPE.

HE manner in which a greeting is given indicates the lady or
T gentleman. Itis natural to all to make an outward acknowl-
edgment of the presence of others, and to express the pleasure

felt at the meeting, in some way that will be tangible.

In rude stages of society the salutation became an act of worship,
and those forms crystallized, as civilization advanced, into something
more elegant, and thus have become the common property of modern
nations.

SALUTING IN DIFFERENT COUNTRIES

Each country has its own peculiar forms, and all indicate a warm,
spontaneous interest in the welfare of those around.

Oriental peoples are very punctilious in their greetings. The
Bedouin’s salutation has all the tender grace of a blessing, as he places
his right hand upon his breast, and bowing low, says: “If God wills it,
you are well.” The grave and stately Spaniard greets you with “God
be with you.” The gentleman in Poland, as he leaves you, touches his
lips to your shoulder, and bids you to “Be ever well.” Men of dis-
tinction in Japan wear over their shoulder a scarf, the length of which
determines their rank. When two gentlemen meet, they bow until the
ends of the scarf which each one wears touch the ground. Of course
the one with the shortest scarf has to how the lowest. A Monbotto
of Africa when he meets a friend, holds out the right hand, and cracks
the joints of the middle fingers. Eskimos salute by rubbing noses to-
gether. But probably the most startling mode of salutation is that of

the Moors, who greet a stranger by dashing toward him at full speed
» 77

 

78 GREETING AND- LEA VE-TAKING.

as if to unhorse him, and when near, suddenly firing a pistol over his
head. One must be gifted with considerable presence of mind not to
be alarmed at such an effusive greeting. The Egyptian’s salutation may
be very appropriate for that warm region, but would offend ears polite
in our own land. He very earnestly asks you, “How do you perspirfl”
dropping one hand to the knee. Turks have a more stately greeting.
They fold their arms upon their breast, and bend the head very low. We
might go on enumerating the various modes of saluting prevalent in
other lands, but these will suffice to show you that none of these
methods, however proper in their own place, obtain here in America,
Where there are but three salutations—the bow, the kiss, and the verbal
greeting or hand-shake. '

While our own American gentleman lifts his hat as a token of
recognition, many foreigners content themselves with merely bowing,
although in France and Germany the embrace is considered proper
among intimates, as the father kisses his grown-up son on the forehead,
men clasp each other in their arms, and brothers show as much fond-
ness toward each other, even in public, as though they were lovers.

FRENCH ESTIMATE OF COURTESY

' It is stated by some author that while a Frenchman will forgive a
debt, or a wrong, he will never overlook a lack of courtesy; also that
he demands that the most profound outward respect shall be shown
toward the ladies of his household, else possibly a duel may be pre-
cipita’ted.

THE BOW THE USUAL GREETING

The bow is one of the simplest Observances in society, but it is so
universally practiced that it becomes a test of good manners, according
to the ease and grace with which it is given. La Fontaine defines it
as a “note drawn at sight. You are bound to acknowledge it imme-
diately, and to the full amount.”

We bow to the old, the young, the rich, the poor, to our friends and
to those to Whom we are indifferent, and each one of these salutes can

 

 

 

RETURN A GREETING IN KIND. 79

be shaded so nicely that to an observant eye they have a distinct
significance of their own. .

The mere act of bowing does not presuppose an intimate acquaint-
ance. It is simply an outward expression of the politeness current in
good society. Do not nod, but incline the body so that it may become
a how. The fashion some have of giving the head a mere jerk is dis-
respectful and churlish. Of course, a slight acquaintance does not
receive so impressive a bow as one you have known longer, and with
whom you are more cordial.

RETURN A GREETING IN KIND

All mature people should return a bow, even though they do not
recognize the person bowing. It is probableEthat they have been mis-
taken for another person, and it is ill-bred not to acknowledge the
salute.

The French have a custom of uncovering their heads when a funeral
procession is passing— —a very generous tribute of respect to the mourn-
ing friends, and is becoming the custom in this country.

“WHO SHALL BOW FIRST”

There are innumerable opinions with reference to the proper answer
to the question,——“Who shall bow first; the lady or the gentleman?”
A writer says on this point: ~

“The bow as a rule means recognition, and not simply deference and
respect, and in America, between merely formal acquaintances, it is the
privilege of the lady to ofier the recognition and the duty of the gen-

tleman to accept it. In France and on the Continent generally, this is
‘ reversed, and no lady will acknowledge the acquaintance of a gentle-
‘ man unless he first bows his recognition.

“In England, the lady is expected to bow first, a custom doubtless I
growing out of the fact that introductions, given in the ball-room for
the purpose of the dance, are not titles to recognition afterward, while
‘ on the Continent they do constitute acquaintanceship. Here, no meiely
I; found acquaintances have the right to change the rule of recognition,

 

80 GREETING AND LEA VE-TAKING.

but between intimate friends it is not material which bows first, the
gentleman or the lady; indeed, with well-bred people the recognition
is oftenest simultaneous, the quick recognition of the eye preceding the
formal salute. If the acquaintance is formal, the lady may be reserved
or cordial in her salutation, and the gentleman must be responsive to
her manner, claiming only as much as she offers. No lady will be
capricious in her recognitions, now cool and now cordial, nor will she
be demonstrative in her public greetings. She may refuse to recognize,
for sufficient reasons, but a recognition offered must be fully polite. A
conspicuously frigid salutation is an insult in the presence of strangers,
which she has no right to inflict. A formal bow and faint smile, reserved
but not discourteous, is all that a refined lady is permitted to ofier on
the promenade, the street, or in any public place, even to the most
intimate friend, and the well-bred gentleman never criticises the dignity
of her demeanor, because he knows she reserves her more cordial and
friendly greetings for occasions where they may meet in the greater
privacy of her own home, or at social gatherings at the invitation of
common friends.”

In riding or driving on a public promenade, you should bow cere-
moniously the first time you meet friends, but content yourself with a
smile or a slight nod after that.

A gentleman who is smoking upon the street removes his cigar ,
before bowing to a lady, and is very careful not to puff cigar smoke

in the face of any passer-by.

In saluting a lady or an elderly gentleman, the hat must be lifted.
With friends of his own sex, a bow, and a friendly word in passing, are
sufficient on the part of a gentleman, although the lifted hat is more
polite. A smile should accompany every bow. The cold nod and un-

smiling countenance are barely civil.

Never descend to the littleness of “cutting” a gentleman on account i,
of some trifling difference you may have had. This suggestion applies

to all.

No gentleman fastens his gaze upon a lady in the street, and stares

 

i

OFFERING THE HAND. 81

at her until she has passed. Neither does he make any remark about
her, of any sort whatever.

OFFERING THE HAND

Another form of salutation is offering the hand. There are as many
ways of shaking hands as there are people. No two touch the hands
alike. One person places a. cold, elammy hand in yours, and the listless,
indifferent manner chills you. The hand of another will glide into yours
in such an insinuating fashion that you instinctively distrust its pos-
sessor. And still another offers you his hand in such a frank, open way
that at once confidence is inspired. Such a person does not seize your
hand as in a vise, or crush your fingers in his rude grasp, but cordially
presses it, and then lets go your hand in a respectful manner. This is
an indication of a polished gentleman.

The hand should never be extended to those who are not intimate
friends, and no young lady will offer her hand with the same freedom
as does a married or an elderly lady.

. Ball-room introductions do not call for this mode of recognition. An
‘ inclination of the head is sufficient.

The mistress of the house should offer her hand to invited guests,
or a gentleman who is presented to her by an intimate friend.

Gentlemen wait for a lady to extend the hand first, and a younger
person for the older one to make the first advances.

A gentleman should always rise when another offers the hand, but

. it is not obligatory for. a lady to rise.

It is hospitable to offer the hand to parting guests, and invite them

cordially to come again. I

RECOGNIZE A SERVANT

A gentleman may shake hands with a valued servant when he or
she is about to quit his employ, without any lowering of his dignity.

If he afterward meet her on the street, it is not beneath him to
stop and inquire after her health, or whether she has secured a pleasant
place. A true gentleman always knows how to use proper reserve in
his dealings with his social inferiors as well as his equals;

 

 

 

 

 

82 . GREETING AND LEAVE—TAKING.

SHAKING HANDS VVIT'I-I GENTLEMEN

Gentlemen should shake hands with each other, when introduced.
An old gentleman may offer his hand to any lady. The glove need not
be removed from a gentleman’s hand when greeting a lady. It was
formerly usual to do so, but both custom and convenience sanction its
retention. It is not good form to make an apology for the omission.

The most common forms of verbal salutation are “Good morning,”
“Good evening,” “How are you?” “Are you quite well?” All these and
many more may be used, varied to suit the occasion, but whatever form
is adopted it should be accompanied by a respectful manner. Undue
familiarity should be avoided. Nicknames should never be used in
public. Show others respect, and you will receive it in return.

KISSING PROMISCUOUSLY

A greeting much in vogue in American and English families is
kissing. This is a reprehensible custom, and should not be tolerated
in good society.

The kiss is the seal of pure and earnest love, and should never be
exchanged save between nearest and dearest friends and relatives.
Indeed, public sentiment and good taste decree that even among lovers
it should not be so often indulged in as to cause any feeling of regret
on the part of the lady, should an engagement chance to be broken
off. ‘

KISSING GUESTS

We have seen a family of children compelled to pass the ordeal of
kissing every guest in a room when the hour for retiring arrives. It is
a senseless custom, and often creates disgust on both sides. Children I
do not like to kiss every one, and many adults are not fond of saluting
the wee men and women in this manner. We honor the mother who
does not permit her little ones to kiss strangers. It shows a delicacy
and refinement which the child will soon learn to imitate.

 

 

RAISING, THE HA T. 33

LADIES KISSING EACH OTHER

It is a foolish practice for ladies to kiss each other every time they
meet, particularly on the street. It is positively vulgar, and a refined
woman shrinks from any act which makes her conspicuous. It belongs
rather to the period of “gush” natural to very young girls,- and should
be discouraged on physiological grounds, if no other. Many times a
contagious disease has been conveyed in a kiss. Let promiscuous kiss-
ing be consigned to the tomb of oblivion.

RAISING THE HAT

When a gentleman is driving, it is almost impossible for him to
raise his hat, even to a lady. He is compelled to keep the reins in his
hands, and so he must content himself with bowing, even a little lower
than usual. Do not raise the whip to your hat, although some fashion-
able gentleman may tell you it is the correct thing. It is not respectful
——nay, it is uncivil.

If a gentleman is on horseback and meets a lady to whom he desires
to speak, he should at once dismount and walk by her side, leading
his horse, and not remain on the animal’s back while she is standing in

the street.
TAKING LEAVE

Should a gentleman meet a lady on the public promenade and wish
to walk with her for a few moments’ conversation, he need not accom-
pany her home. He can take his leave whenever he chooses without

' apologizing.

Knowing a lady well enough to bow to her when you meet does not

give you the right to call upon her, unless she extends a special invi-

tation. .
GENUINE GREETING

Of all the various kinds of greetings, the one that contains the
greatest amount of sincerity is the most acceptable to every human
being. He that makes his friendship felt and shows that he is indeed
glad to see you, not by gush and empty words, but by a cordial manner

84 GREETING AND LEA VIE-TAKING.

and joyful expression, is the one voted by society as the greatest gentle-
man.

Right here it will perhaps not be out of place to say that if this
meeting accidentally takes place on the street, where it is considered
improper to halt, then let one or the other indicate into what parlor,
waiting room or shop even, they may step, while exchanging words of
greetings or farewell.

But more cordial than all others should be the home greeting——a
greeting which means everything in life. With What love and tender-
ness should the mother greet each member of the family, as they go
out and come in! How near can she keep her boy’s heart to her own
by just a sweet word at parting and a warm greeting on his return!
She little knows what a balm it becomes for every ache.

As with the family, so with guests. The hostess’ duty, so far as
warming, lighting and feeding her guests are concerned, are trifles so
far as their happiness is concerned, compared with the warmth of
greeting given those who cross her threshold. She need not invite
unless she choose, but when once invited she is responsible for their
cheer and comfort. A warm greeting places one at ease, and the joy in
, one’s heart finds easy vent.

 

 

CHAPTER IX.
CONVERSATION

“Not only to say the right thing in the right place, but, far more dzfi'enlt still,

to leave nnsaz’d the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
-—SALA.

versationalists. To be able to hold the attention of a circle of

listeners, many of whom are strangers, and to make them
anxious to hear more from your lips, is a gift that few possess. And
yet it lies Within the.
power of all to con-
tribute to the pleasure
of any group by utter-

’ I ‘ HERE are few who do not ardently desire to become good con-

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   

ing some suggestive
thought, which in its
turn may s e t
another train of
thought in mo.
tion, and stim-
ulate to
more lof-
ty things.
The abili-
ty to con-
verse in-
t e r e s t -
ingly has
been the
stepping
stone to
many a

 

 

86 CONVERSATION.

man’s success in life. There is not a human being in the possession
of his faculties who cannot amuse and instruct others. Social
contact is a mental stimulant, which modern society sets its stamp of
approval upon, as is evidenced by the hearty welcome which the
intelligent talker receives everywhere.

TALK IS NOT CONVERSATION

Talk alone is not conversation. There must be a clear brain, a keen
perception of the fitness of things, a swiftness at grasping ideas and
adapting them to the company in which one is placed, to constitute
conversation. Some people have so great a love for the sound of their
own voices that they rattle off the veriest nonsense with the volubility
of a chattering magpie, and after all their torrent of words they have
said nothing. Such talkers can be found in all places, and are not, in
spite of-the ugly sarcasms which would-be wits fling at them, confined
to the gentler sex.

The most graceful conversationalists are those whose thoughts are
spontaneous. Contact with other minds broadens and develops our
own, and thus widens the field of thought.

GOOD MEMORY NECESSARY

The first essential in becoming a good talker is to have a good
memory. The mind must become a storehouse, from whence to draw
for the enjoyment of others. When an interesting lecture or a sermon
' is heard, it is well to commit the most striking points to memory, and
the variéus deductions drawn therefrom either by the speaker or your-
self can be used for material. A good book should be well studied,
much of it committed to memory, thus serving as a fund from which to
educe ideas, which, communicated to others, will bring forth new ones
from them, and the conversation becomes general, and wit and fancy
flow freely. But do not pass these thoughts off upon the company as
original; mention their authors and give them due credit.

 

PUNS; ARE VULGAR. 87

DO NOT CRAM

It is unpardonable to “cram” yourself previous to a social gathering;
that is, to read up any special subject for the purpose of astonishing
your hearers, but it is wise to thoroughly inform yourself upon the
topics of the day so as to make yourself agreeable and assist your
hostess.

It is very ill-bred to exhibit any accomplishments for the sake of
display, but any accomplishment that will add pleasure to the occasion
should be at the disposal of your hostess.

PUNS ARE VULGAR

An occasional pun can be forgiven, in good society, but the man
or woman who makes one on every other word is a nuisance, and the
soul will rise up in arms against the infliction. The fashion of punning
dates from the times of the early Greeks, but its age does not entitle
it to veneration. The objection to the pun is that it breaks in on con-
versation. A punster has no regard for the most sacred and dear
feelings of the heart, and would as readily play upon words at a funeral
as at a wedding.

TACT

The most exquisite quality necessary to a good talker is tact. It is
a fine gift to know just how to talk, to whom, and what is exactly the
right thing to say on all occasions. It is only people of the most delicate
perceptions who possess this gift, but it can and should be cultivated.
To the author it is a neat compliment to express a fondness for books—
not his particular books, for that would savor of broad flattery, and be
offensive. The lady whose heart is in her household cares will incite
you to talk sympathetically with her of the delights of home. To the
business man you can find something to say of stocks, per cents, and
he will vote you a smart. fellow. The good talker must be in a certain
sense, “All things to all men ;” must show an interest in whatever
pleases others.

 

 

86 CONVERSATION.

man’s success in life. There is not a human being in the possession
of his faculties who cannot amuse and instruct others. Social
contact is a mental stimulant, which modern society sets its stamp of
approval upon, as is evidenced by the hearty welcome which the
intelligent talker receives everywhere.

TALK IS NOT CONVERSATION

Talk alone is not conversation. There must be a clear brain, a keen
perception of the fitness of things, a swiftness at grasping ideas and
adapting them to the company in which one is placed, to constitute
conversation. Some people have so great a love for the sound of their
own voices that they rattle ofi the veriest nonsense with the volubility
of a chattering magpie, and after all their torrent of words they have
said nothing. Such talkers can be found in all places, and are not, in
spite of'the ugly sarcasms which would-be wits fling at them, confined
to the gentler sex.

The most graceful conversationalists are those whose thoughts are
spontaneous. Contact with other minds broadens and develops our
own, and thus widens the field of thought.

GOOD MEMORY NECESSARY

The first essential in becoming a good talker is to have a good
memory. The mind must become a storehouse, from whence to draw
for the enjoyment of others. When an interesting lecture or a sermon
‘ is heard, it is well to commit the most striking points to memory, and
the variéus deductions drawn therefrom either by the speaker or your-
self can be used for material. A good book should be well studied,
much of it committed to memory, thus serving as a fund from which to
educe ideas, which, communicated to others, will bring forth new ones
from them, and the conversation becomes general, and wit and fancy
flow freely. But do not pass these thoughts off upon the company as
original; mention their authors and give them due credit.

 

PUNSx ARE VULGAR. 87

DO NOT CRAM

It is unpardonable to “cram” yourself previous to a social gathering;
that is, to read up any special subject for the purpose of astonishing
your hearers, but it is wise to thoroughly inform yourself upon the
topics of the day so as to make yourself agreeable and assist your
hostess.

It is very ill-bred to exhibit any accomplishments for the sake of
display, but any accomplishment that will add pleasure to the occasion
should be at the disposal of your hostess.

PUNS ARE VULGAR

An occasional pun can be forgiven, in good society, but the man
or woman who makes one on every other word is a nuisance, and the
soul will rise up in arms against the infliction. The fashion of punning
dates from the times of the early Greeks, but its age does not entitle
it to veneration. The objection to the pun is that it breaks in on con-
versation. A punster has no regard for the most sacred and dear
feelings of the heart, and would as readily play upon words at a funeral
as at a wedding.

TAO-T

The most exquisite quality necessary to a good talker is tact. It is
a fine gift to know just how to talk, to whom, and what is exactly the
right thing to say on all occasions. It is only people of the most delicate
perceptions who possess this gift, but it can and should be cultivated.
To the author it is a neat compliment to express a fondness for books—
not his particular books, for that would savor of broad flattery, and be
offensive. The lady whose heart is in her household care-s will incite
you to talk sympathetically with her of the delights of home. To the
business man you can find something to say of stocks, per cents, and
he will vote you a smart. fellow. The good talker must be in a certain
sense, “All things to all men ;” must show an interest in whatever
pleases others.

 

 

 

$3 ' CONVERSATION.

DO NOT DRAW COMPARISONS

A person of tact will never comment upon the immorality of the
stage when he knows one of the group is a member of that profession;
nor should he everattack any nationality or religion. He will not ask
effusively after an absent one who may be at bitter enmity with the one
with whom he is speaking.

THE BOAST‘FUL TALKER

Of all talkers, the ones most to be dreaded are those who are forever
expatiating upon their own exploits; their own brilliant judgment, and
their heroic conduct under certain circumstances. No matter how
adroitly you may lead them away from self, they will break in upon
you with an account of how they behaved on a similar occasion, and
the praise they received, until the listeners give up in despair, feeling
that there is no escape from the tiresome repetition until the talker has
rung all the changes upon himself of which his vanity is capable.

INTERESTING EXPERIENCES

There is great pleasure in listening to the experiences of those who
have traveled, but such narrations must be solicited. The conceit which
leads a man to talk of himself constantly soon makes his society
detested. His exploits are secretly sneered at, and but half believed.
No matter how well he may talk, as he is the pivotal center on which
his conversation turns, he is. credited with nothing but egotism.

TRIFLES WEARISOME

Another sort of conversation which is very tiresome is that which
retails all the trivial happenings of the speakers and their family.
‘While these matters are interesting or at least endurable to their
immediate friends, to the majority of people they are of no sort of
consequence, and become very insipid.

. - Main-133i

 

 

POLISH OFTEN A CLOAK. ‘7 89

UNFIT TOPICS

The details of the toilet, and physical ailments, are never fit subjects
for conversation. Such topics should be sedulously avoided, as enlarg-
ing upon them can neither interest nor please. One should never
allude to one’s servants, disappointments or the disagreeableness of a
neighbor.

POLISH OFTEN A CLOAK

It has often been said that a man can be polished, and yet be a
villain. That is undoubtedly true. But it does not follow that because
a man is uncouth and boorish he is honest and true. The highest
moral purity does not excuse rudeness and ill-breeding. It is far more
natural and consistent to associate gentleness of manners and courtesy
with genuine goodness, and we believe that nine men out of ten who
have the refinement which good society gives are mentally what they
should be—gentlemen at heart. A

THE ART OF LISTENING

A good talker makes a good listener. Dull people can best be
brought out of their reserve by saying as little as possible yourself, but
rather by leading them up to some subject in which they are at home.
You pay your listeners by a few “brilliant flashes of silence” now and
then, the compliment of supposing that they have something to say,
and that you are desirous of listening to them. It is told of a young
man who was very shy, that a lady succeeded in starting him on a
certain train of thought with which he was familiar, and he enter-
tained the company in a charming manner. She spoke but seldom.
He afterward remarked of her that she was the finest talker he ever
heard.

WANDERING ATTENTION

Do not appear to listen while your thoughts are wandering far away,
and you are unpleasantly brought back to the present by an unexpected

 

 

 

90 CONVERSATION.

question or a sudden pause. Listen intelligently; pay strict attention to

. What is being said, and occasionally add a word, or give a quick smile

of approval. It will stimulate and awaken an exchange of ideas and
kindle a flame that will gladden the heart. We regret to say that very
young girls and young men are more apt to be guilty of this rudeness
than older people. It is very ungrateful to your hostess, to say the
least.

While liste’ning do not fasten your eyes upon the speaker, under
the impression that he will be pleased by such close attention, or let
them wander around the room, as though you were meditating flight.
Either one of these things will confuse the most brilliant talker who
ever lived.

DO NOT INTERRUPT

Do not break in upon the good conversationalist. He may stimulate
you so that ideas will rush to your lips with torrent-like rapidity, and
you can scarcely wait for him to finish. But you should keep them
back until he has done, else you will give the impression that you have
not been listening at all, only snatching ideas from him.

Surely there are topics enough in this progressive age to supply
food for conversation in any coterie—the grave, the gay, the learned or
the unlearned. Are not the wonders of the universe spread out before
us, Within our very grasp? Can we not find subjects for daily conver-
sation in the doings of the great minds of to-day-or the latest book,
and the kindly deeds of heroic souls? And should not our words uplift
the weary hearted, cheer the sad, and bring sunshine into other lives?

WHO CONVERSE EASILY

To some men and women whose quick and ready brain responds to

.the lightest thought, conversation comes naturally; it is no efiort for

them to talk fluently. To others it is a wearisome task. They think
deeply and sensibly; can seize upon a subject clearly, but are slow in
giving utterance to their own conclusions. These. should cultivate the
art of conversation. Patience and determination, assisted by practice

 

 

‘ TRAIN THE CHILDREN. 91

in putting your thoughts into words, will develop the possibilities
within yourselves. Observe closely, fill your minds with facts and the
experiences of others, accustom yourself to think audibly, and you will
be surprised at the readiness with which you will express your ideas.

TRAIN THE CHILDREN

This kind of training properly belongs to the period of childhood,
when the mind is easily impressed. Parents should encourage a child
to relate anything which has attracted its attention in its own way.
And strict accuracy should he demanded of it in the relation of all
incidents. The right use of words and phrases should be taught, and
careless and improper language be repressed. The benefit of such a
course cannot be overestimated. The young mind early acquires the
habit of observing and thinking, is educated to be truthful, and these

faculties grow and expand rapidly.

USE FEW COMPLIMENTS

Compliments should be sparingly administered, else they lose their
force. When they are deserved, it is a graceful act to pay them. But
let them be sincere, else they become gross flattery, which is lowering
to the giver, and an insult to the one on whom it is bestowed. It is an
admission that you are dull and unobservant of the merits of those
around you, not to say a fitting word of praise for some good deed they
have done—and a word of this sort from you is often very gratefully

received.
NEATNE’SS OF PERSON

Neat appearance is absolutely necessary to the success of a good
conversationalist. Much depends upon the personal magnetism of a
talker, the play of feature, the expression of the eye. All these fail to
charm if slovenly dress, tumbled hair, neglected teeth, kill their effect.
Neatness is a passport to the favor; the absence of it creates disgust.

JOKES IMMORT'AL

It is asserted that jokes are immortal. But don’t revamp all the

92 ' CONVERSATION.

old jests and stories that have traveled the rounds until they must
be weary. We will remind our readers that coarse stories are banished
from the society of ladies and gentlemen. They who would be known
as ladies and gentlemen must be clean in body and soul.

POLITICS AND RELIGION TABOOED

Never indulge in any conversation that will lead to heated debate
in the social circle. Politics and religion should be tabooed, for it is
almost impossible to avoid arousing some one’s prejudice, or touching
some sensitive point. The bitterest quarrels have been the outcome of
what at the start was a. mere difference of opinion, and as such entitled
to a polite forbearance. If two persons can engage in a friendly con-
troversy on any topic, and observe the rules of politeness such an argu-
ment is enjoyable to those who listen, for much information can be
gained. But it is wiser to maintain silence when either party is so

‘ sensitive that a difference of opinion will lead to a loss of temper, and

a breach of good manners.

AFFECTATION IN SPEECH

A talker should not affect a delicacy of speech and imagine that it
will be mistaken for refinement. Call things by their right names. Do
not say limb for leg, or retire for go to bed. There is no true modesty in
such substitutions. Speak correct English. Use simple phrases, being
careful that your pronunciation is the standard one. One had better con-
sult a dictionary every hour in the day than to risk the secret ridicule
which is sure to follow the word which is wrongly pronounced. Names
of persons should be correctly given. The pride is easily hurt if liberties
are taken with one’s name. ‘

USE PLAIN ENGLISH

The language which you speak should be generally understood. Odd
words and high-sounding phrases are in bad taste. It is ridiculous to
besprinkle your sentences with words from other tongues, and the

LOUD TALKING OFFENSIVE. ' ‘ 9.“?
chances are many that you do not give them their correct pronunciation,
. and you gain a reputation for being pedantic. »

Slang is even more dangerous to use. It will be apt to fall from the
lips at the most inopportune moment. Young ladies would shun slang
phrases as they would a plague were they aware of the origin of some
of their pet phrases. The most beautiful language is that which is the‘
most simple. The words which have the most value are those which
concisely convey the thought to the mind of the listener with clearness

and speed.

LOUD TALKING OFFENSIVE

Loud talking 1s very offensive. The loud talker is generally conceited.
and coarse. He catches the ear, but does not engage the heart. The
loud, swaggering talker starts out upon the supposition that every one
is interested in his affairs. He disturbs the ‘circle into which he is
thrown. He talks at people, and not to them.

There are occasions and places where loud talking is proper. A:
speaker who would hold his audience must have a voice that will pence
trate to the farthest corner. The actor’s enunciation must be clear and
distinct. The lawyer, pleading at the bar, should be heard by his entire
audience. But a man or woman who comes into a parlor, or the family,
circle, and talks in a voice that would command a. regiment, is a perfect
bombshell, and creates similar feelings to one in the minds of his
auditors.

Home is not the place for noisy and loud demonstrations. The play-
ground is their proper location. Loud talking becomes a fixed habit,
and one who indulges in it becomes unaware of his own fault. There
is nothing so pleasant to the ear as even clear-cut tones; at once we
give their possessor credit for being well-bred. And these tones can:
be cultivated; even though there may be natural defects, they can be
overcome, with patience and determination.

A low voice does not mean a mumbling, indistinct utterance. Nor
does a high-pitched one mean noise. The latter may be very musical,
While the former would be the reverse. But a clear, distinct, evenly-i

my. .7134 .3 "was; , i

94 - CONVERSATION.

modulated voice, sympathetic and refined, is a delight which does double

duty—to its possessor and to those who listen to it.

RESPECT FOR LADIES

A gentleman should always remember, in talking ‘with ladies, that

they are his equals. There is: no more ludicrous spectacle than a man

vainly struggling with what he thinks is “small talk” in the company
of ladies. He is magnanimously striving to come down to their level,
while they are measuring him mentally, and wondering if he knows how
ridiculous he is making himself.

It is bad breeding to air one’s business or occupation in company.
Relegate “the shop” to its own place—outside the circle, where one’s
private affairs interest no one. I

HOBBIES

A man with a hobby is universally shunned. He cares for nothing
save the one idea which engrosses all his time. He will not engage in
conversation on any topic save one, and will adroitly lead all the com-
pany up to his train of thought. He never receives credit for the
intelligence which he really possesses, for he wearies his listeners and
will brook no contradiction. Beware of a hobby. The possession of
one will impair your usefulness.

SMALL TALK HAS ITS USES

“Small talk,” as it is sneeringly named, has its uses and its place.
One does not like always to be on stilts figuratively speaking, and we
agree with the following from an author who has said many things well:

“After all, a man may have done a vast deal of reading, may have
a good memory and sound judgment; he may season his conversation
with wit and be a walking encyclopaedia, and still be a very dull com-
panion. All the world do not read books, and some of those who do
never care about them. Everybody, however, loves to talk. When we
are wearied with toil, or tired with thought, we naturally love to chat,
and it is pleasant to hear the sound of one’s own voice. What we mean

 

SMALL TALK HAS ITS USES. ‘ 95

by small talk is talk upon common, everyday matters, about the little
trifling and innocent things of usual occurrence; in short, that vast
world of topics upon which every one can talk, and which are as inter-
esting to children and simple-minded persons as the greater questions
are to the learned. Many affect a great measure of wisdom by Speaking
contemptuously of common-place talk, but it is only affected. Real
wisdom makes a man an agreeable companion. The real wisdom and
power of a conversationalist is shown in making a commonplace topic
interesting. Many imagine that it is an easy matter to talk about
nothing or everyday occurrences, but it requires an active and observant
mind, and no small share of invulnerable good humor, to say something
on everything to everybody. If a man is never to open his mouth but
for the enunciation of some profound aphorism, or something that has
never been said before: if he is to be eternally talking volumes and
discussing knotty problems, his talk becomes a burden, and he will
find that but few of his audience will be willing to listen to him. Small
talk obviates the necessity of straining the mind and assuming un-
natural attitudes, as though you were exerting your mental powers. It
puts the mind at ease.”

In conversation, as in every other act of life, due respect should be

shown for others’ opinions and time—ofiending not the first, nor en-
croaching too far upon the last.

NOTHING WORTH SAYING

A good conversationalist gives an atmosphere of charm to every-
thing. You have met people who have read the latest novel, heard the
latest opera, listened to a recent lecture, or conversed with a social
belle. but have nothing to show for it. If you ask them regarding it,
they will tell you that they liked or did not like it, as the case may.
be, and yet, what does that signify? 'Their personal opinion amounts-
to but little and their remarks scarcely interest you. It is quite re«
markable to come across people who have nothing to say, that is worth
saying, and yet their number is legion. What one wants is to come
in contact with a man or woman who has formulated her impressions,

 

 

96 CONVERSATION.

digested her thoughts, and is able to give you certain reasons why she
thinks so and so. A good conversationalist makes even the minutes
precious. She brings new thoughts, new life, new vitality, new vibra-
tions, and when gone, you feel that you have been liftedpup. “With
one man,” says Emerson, “I walk among stars, while another pins me
to the wall.” How true this is! A fresh thought brings force and
stimulus. .
EARNESTNESS

If you were to define why a certain person was a great favorite in
society, you would often be obliged to say that it was because of her ear-
nestness. Earnestness is a radiating force that gives out and influences
all with whom it comes in contact. It lends a great charm and purpose
to conversation. One, however, should not show great earnestness over
trifles or over personal experiences, especially so if one has an unwilling
listener.

Lord Lytton says, “Earnestness is the best gift of mental power, and
deficiency of heart is the cause of many men never becoming great.”

 

 

CHAPTER. X. ’ ~
ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS

“Bestow thy youth so that thou mayst have comfort
to remember it, when it hath forsaken thee, and not sigh
and grieve at the account thereof. Whilst thou art
young thou wilt think it will never have an end; but,
behold, the longest (lay hath its evening, and that thou
shalt enjoy it but once, that it never returns again; use
it, therefore, as the spring time, which soon departeth,
and wherein thou oughtest to plant and sow all
provisionsfor a long and happy life.”

-——SIR WALTER RALEIGH.

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
  

INCE the manners of the individual
are generally formed for good or
had before twenty-five years of age,

and oftentimes much younger, it is quite
necessary that admonitions should
be offered to the young people. It
is during the formation

%\ period that the daily asso-
a‘ ciation of either companions
or books make the most lasting im-
pressions, that the careless manner
or method become fixed habits, that
the rude andunchecked speech be-
comes the vitup-erative and hurtful
language of older years, that the

nu ‘ \
I\\uw‘\||\
“‘ mm M p: \

literature abounding in coarse 0r
uncultured construction be-
comes the untrue and unreal
monitor of later years. It is
quite well to suggest to the
young “to be early What they
will, in later life, Wish they had

always been.”
97

 

   

 

 

98 ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL, DAYS.

RESPECT FOR MOTHER’S OPINIONS

In this latest and newest century, where freedom is almost license,
one often finds the young woman quite self-assertive and entirely dis~
regarding the gentle and graceful ways of her mother, designating them
old fogyish and quite a chestnut, while another damsel adds, “that all
that humbug that grandmother talks. about is really a sell.” Again,
the same class of girls veto all so-called rules of etiquette as a.
meaningless veneer and devoid of real worth 0r merit. The great Lord
Chesterfield, who was probably the best bred man of his time, said,
“that politeness is benevolence in trifles.” “It is the mind that forms the
manners,” and thus the old saying is verified, “As a man thinketh so
he is.”

“The best rules to form a young man are, to talk little, to hear
much, to reflect alone upon what has passed in company; to distrust
one’s own opinions, and value others that deserve it.”

GE'NTLENES‘S SIGN OF STRENGTH

Since language is the exponent of character, it is necessary to refer
to its abuse, for if it does not in all cases actually show a vulgar and
pretentious mind, it is apt to render it so in time. The youth is amenable
to advice and training, and his education in polite behavior and kindly
bearing should be carried on daily, especially through that period that
is usually designated “the school days.”

Boys should be taught that gentleness and polite manners are not
a sign of weakness, but upon the other hand, are unfailing marks of
manliness and strength. To be polite is to be self-respecting, and self-
respect is the acknowledgment of manhood. The first rule then, for
manner, is self-respect. Without this a boy is not only weak and bad,
but unfit for society. The want of it shows itself in two most disagree-
able forms, adulation and awkwardness. In any case, adulation is bad,
for it is dangerous not only to the servile, but to those to whom it is
addressed. Awkwardness may often arise from shyness, but more often
is the fruit of a want of self-respect. Both are to be sedulously avoided.

ETIQUETTE OF KINDLY SPEECH. 99

SELF-RESPECT AND SELF-ESTEEM

Lest the young man confound the terms and imagine that self-esteem
and self-respect are one and the same, we would say that self-esteem is
an arrogance of superiority, and in the young, especially the boy, takes
the form of conceit. We pardon it most readily in the middle-aged man,
but in the youth it is inexcusable.

The boy should be as free from conceit and vanity as we would have
his sister free from design and afi'ectation.

Both boys and girls should possess artless-
ness, frankness and modesty.

There is the etiquette of kindly speech and
gentle demeanor that is the birthright of every
individual, male or female, but in the
shuffle somehow its flavor and aroma

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

has grown tasteless and less pungent.
The boy has lost sight of his natural
manners, and rushes in at the gate or
door and swings it viciously behind him,
never looking to see that his schoolmate,
the rosy-checked girl who sits across the
aisle, has had to step aside in order to
escape the blow that his careless and
impolite act would otherwise have in-
flicted.

The polite boy will raise his
hat and greet the school girl, hold-
ing gate or door wide open for
her to pass, who should thank him
with a cheery smile and a pleasant
word.

Boys should contract the habit
of standing upright, with toes
turned out and head erect, looking straight at the person addressed,
and in quiet, manly tones, answer respectfully.

 

'100 ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS.

A youth who shambles in his walk, looks from under his eyebrows,
speaks with hesitating voice and thick utterance, can never possess
uprightness and honor, but is always, as his gait and position betray
him, a sneak.

The etiquette of school days is as indispensable and as valuable as _
the etiquette of older years. Boys should not interrupt each other’s
conversation with any less degree of propriety than men. n. .

Coarse or rude language should be refrained from at all times, es-'
pecially in the presence of their school-girl friends.

The hat should be removed when saluting either the school teacher
or the school girl.

The rudeness of poking fun at the dull or plain scholar ought never
to be overlooked. The chivalry of helpfulness and kindly words should
always be extended to such schoolmates.

ARGUMENT INTENDED FOR DEBATE ONLY

Never be guilty of contradictions, either in the school-room or at
home. Learn early in life that argument is only intended for debate and
the platform, and should not be entered into in the home or social circle.

Profanity is the most inexcusable offense that the school boy can
commit against goo-d manners and propriety. The early oath taints all
his after life.

The school boy should be as careful of his attire as the man of older
years. His clothes should be serviceable, well made, neat and tidy. His
hands, teeth and hair should be always in good order, clean and well
brushed. ’

If the youth controls his temper, he will find that his abstinence
from hasty thought and action is a well spring of perpetual rejoicing,
for “He that controlleth his temper is mightier than he that taketh a.
city.”

CONDUCT TOWARD SCHOOL FRIENDS

The school youth should always exercise as manly action in regard
to his behavior concerning his school girl friend as afterward he is
obliged to toward the woman friend of his older years. In n straight-

SCHOOL GIRL’S DRESS. ' 101

forward manner he should ask permission of the father or mother or
both parents to call upon their daughter, and then let his call be subject
to the propriety of their school days. Healthful amusement, innocent
recreation and early hours, and this schoolday companionship and
friendship will ever be an oasis in life’s desert.

The school days to the young girl are usually full of pleasure and
freedom from care or anxiety, and should also be free from any em-

' barrassing or unpleasant recollection. Her manner should be ladylike

and refined, her conversation free from slang, .and her actions always
above rudeness or even carelessness.

On the street the school girl should be especially careful lest she
evoke censure or criticism. She should refrain from giggling and loud
conversation. Her gait should be dignified, but natural, that she may
in later years possess a carriage that will stamp her with the bearing of
a noble presence.

In the school room her behavior should be courteous and agreeable
to both teacher and schoolmate, while her address to the boys with
whom she is associated should be modest and free from affectation or
simpering airs. Grace and beauty is the birthright of every girl, and
she should cultivate nature’s gifts. Careful attention to personal habits,
deportment and dress is as necessary in her school days as they are in
the future years of her life.

SCHOOL GIRL’S DRESS

School girls should dress becomingly and attractively, but not in
guady or rich attire, nor wear expensive jewelry for more reasons than
one, the least of all being that “Beauty unadorned is beauty most
adorned.” Her hair should be dressed as simple as possible, with no
affectation of womanhood; her dress rather short, just reaching the
ankle. Thus it is always youthful and free from mud and dirt. Her
hands should receive especial attention, as should also her teeth, hair
and skin.

Her salutation to her schoolboy friends should be easy and natural,
and all of their attentions should be'received with a graceful. courtesy,

102 . ‘ ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS.

but with a womanly dignity, that recognizes the right she holds to the
manly deeds and gracious words.

PARENTS, TRUST YOUR CHILDREN

 

To the schoolboy who would make it a

   
 
 
 
  

pleasure to call upon his school friend she should
refer him to her parents, and then, when permis-
sion is obtained, receive him with gentle grace
and friendly manner.

 

The ordinary school girl is usually looked
upon as a sort of unnatural creature, either a
hoyden,boisterousand

.~ fr ~¢ Tiwfi'fi'mflw

ill-bred, or a special
object of creation that
should be subjected to
other treatment than
the rest of the world,
closely guarded, re-
proved, reprimanded
and chaperoned. She
is denied the society
of her schoolboy
friends, or if allowed
their presence in the
home, the freedom and
sweetness of youth
and its enthusiasm
and innocence is ab- 1
solutely locked out.
The watchful eye and 1
listening ear of either 1
the mother or gov- i
erneSs is directed to 3
all that goes on, and j
thus the youthful con- 3

   

 

A DISAGREEABLE PRUDE. 103

versation loses the peculiar grace and flavor of innocent youth, and the
behavior of the young people becomes constrained and unnatural.
Would it not be well for mothers to realize that the youth who cannot;
be trusted with their daughters is not a proper person to be allowed
the entree of their homes. There is as much honor and sincerity and
integrity among school boys as there is among school girls, and has not
the real mother watched and trained and guarded the sons of her house-
hold as she has her daughters? The mother of the girl is tender of her
own, but like the hen, too often seeks to smother another’s one’s

chickens.
A DISAGREEABLE PRUDE

To a girl denied the pleasure of associating with her boy class-
mates there must always result one of two effects. She either becomes
a willful and disobedient girl, seeking surreptitiously the company of
oftentimes rude and undesirable companions, or becomes a disagreeable
prude, who sees harm in everything. You may know the prude, no matter
how young she is, by her stolid air of resistance to mankind in general.
She is started out in life with an immense conceit of her moral at-
tributes, and becomes, as she grows older, offensive when she believes
herself to be polite. It is well to avoid either extreme, ‘and be con-
vinced that an artle-ss gaiety, tempered by refinement, always pleases

and attracts.
ENDURING COMRADESHIP

I It is during the years of school life that. the sweetest. ties are formed,
ties that the after years of burden-bearing cannot destroy nor dim. In
many cases the selection is made that ripens into the closest friendship.
The fresh, sweet, early love becomes the stable and enduring comrade-
ship of life’s journey. '

1 Many mothers are prone to look upon the associations of school life
as a series of flirtations; not at all,—flirtation and the friendship of
school days are entirely different in degree. One is sweet and pure and
innocent and beautiful, and the other unwomanly and degrading.

Flirtation is a practice that should be frowned upon by the world
at large and forever put aside. The mother should teach her daughter

 

 

 

104 ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS.

that with every successive flirtation, one charm after another departs,

like the petals of a fragrant rose, until all the deliciousness of a fresh
and pure character is lost in destructive sport. On all these points a

girl should take a high stand in the beginning of life, or otherwise she 5

is apt to be lowered as time goes on.

Contrast the young girl who goes to her college career after the 5

years of undergraduation, pledged to become the devoted wife of the
honest man who has won her love and admiration in the sweet young
days of their school life, as they, walked and studied side by side through
the formative period of life’s character building; or the one who has
been denied the society and friendship of the younger days—now a

 

 

pedantic and cynical bachelor girl, _who will give ninety-nine reasons .7

for not embracing matrimony. The happy and joyous hours of school
days. have fled, and now comes the anxious graduating time; anxious
alike to parents, teachers and pupils. To some it is a burden and a

{

disappointment; to others it is an honor and a pleasure. Some are '

leaving school for a life in which there is no gleam of sunshine, days
fraught with the burden of wage earning and hard labor, others to
homes of luxury, ease and happiness; some to greatness and honor,
others to the mediocrity of common life. But the present day is brimful
of thought and action, and right at this period there is no more
auspicious time to judge of the character and manner of the school
girls and boys than now.

DRESS OF GIRL GRADUATES

The dress of the girl graduates should be simply and girlishly made,
and free from decoration. A pure and neatly made white muslin dress
is the most appropriate, and always just the thing for the occasion.
White is becoming to all young girls, comparatively inexpensive and
always in perfect taste.

The bearing of each to the other should be kind and gentle and
tender, free from greater or less victory, free from adulation or praise,
free from censure or condemnation, and only the good thought of, the
lesser ignored.

 

KNOWLEDGE 0F NATURE’S MYSTERIES. 106

my”

KEEP A GI‘RL’S CONFIDENCE

Many a fatal mistake in future years may be avoided if mothers '
would court the confidence of their daughters. There is nothing
sweeter, holier nor more beautiful than the outpouring of a. pure
and innocent heart, and who should hear of the daughter’s aspirations,
hopes and secrets if not the mother? She it is that can safely and
carefully direct the daughter’s thoughts as they turn to the mysteries
of life or the joy of youthful affection. Is not the mother rich
in the experience of a tender love, and that love the outpouring of the
father’s heart? Mothers, cast aside the old idea that such confidences
are immodest and should not be told to your daughter. Is. it not. a
neglect of duty, aye rather a crime, to turn a deaf ear to her mute
appeal sending her out into the world, its temptations and sins without
warning or advice, an ignorant, helpless creature?

KNOWLEDGE OF NATURE’S MYST‘ERIES '

Equally true is it that mothers can and should direct the early
thought of their boys towards the beauty and holiness of nature and
her wonderful mysteries. They too, the boys. must feel that their hopes
and longings and secrets are to be respected, and a pure mother
will do all this for them. The old saying that a good son makes. a
good husband is true, and it is equally as true that a son who has made
his mother his confidant will never withhold from his wife the confi- -.
dence of his later years. These hours of confidences with both sonsand
daughters may be made occasions of sweetest joy—~an hour wherein
the mother unrolls the scroll of heavenly tidings and they together

, partake of a sweet communion.

MORE SATISFYING THAN MONEY

The mother who lives in easy, friendly relations with her children,
promoting love and good-will, reaches the highest standpoint known
, in human experience. She who puts the most of generous sympathies
' and interests into their lives gets the most out of it. She may end hem

any”:

g;,.;..;; ,~ ‘66“: «h.

  

106 ETIQUETTE OF SCHOOL DAYS.

days with little money, but she holds the keys to a treasury filled with}
a substance far more permanent and satisfying. 3

WHAT SOCIETY OVVES‘TO YOUTH

The boy or girl who feels that he is trusted will never betray a?
trust. Every person, and especially a-child, who feels that his larger
possibilities are daily appreciated, will live continually from his higher
plane. Thus society has its responsibility to the youth, just the same 7
as the youth has to society. How important in sunshine and in storm 3
that one live and not merely act their life. The higher qualities must!
be woven into active service, then will the child daily think the best:
thoughts and continually strive to pattern after the noblest ideal.

“The charms of youth at once are seen and past;
And Nature says, ‘They are too sweet to last.’

So blooms the rose; and so the blushing maid.

Be gay; too soon the flowers of spring will fade.”

.< c .1” l

 

 

 

CHAPTER XI.
GOING INTO SOCIETY

“-‘To have freedom, is only to have that which 1's absolutely necessary to enable
us to be what we ought to he, and to pos-

sess what we ought to possess.”
~—REHEL.

 
  
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

LL young ladies and young
gentlemen if blessed with
warm social natures

look forward eagerly to
the period of entering
society, at which time
they acquire polish, gain
friends, and by the ex-
change of thoughts en-
large their sphere of use-
fulness.

No girl should make
her debut while she is at-
tending school.
It is impossible
for her to do
justice to her-
self With a.
divided mind.
She cannot fix
her attention
upon those
studies which
require her en-
tire time, and
attend to the
demands of
the social cir-

 

, ”3...“ w--. .n .,.‘c

108 GOING INTO SOCIETY.

cle, which are always exacting. Another injury is done to society itself,
which thus receives a class of immature and half-trained girls whose P.
ideas are crude, and whose manners are untrained; they thus become
anything but ornaments to that charmed circle which they have pre-
maturely entered.

THE AGE TO MAKE A DEBUT

The proper age for a young girl to be presented to society is when
she has left school, and when her mind is in a measure prepared for the
ordeal, and that is from eighteen to twenty. It is made known by the
mother, who announces to the social world that her daughter is a candi-
date for social honors, by calling with her elder and unmarried daugh-
ter (if there be one in the family), upon all to whom she desires to
present her daughter; or she leaves the daughter’s card with her own
and her husband’s.

Up to this time the debutante has never appeared at any gatherings '
outside her father’s house, nor at any but informal ones there, such as
birthdays, christenings, etc.

Invitations are issued about ten days before the event, and are in
the following form:

MR. AND MRS. JOHN W. WELLINGTON
request the pleasure of presenting
their eldest (or second, or third) daughter
‘MABEL
to Mr. and Mrs. David Prentice
on Wednesday evening, at eight o’clock.

No. 20 Honore St.
Dancing at ten.

The card of invitation should be engraved and the names of the '
invited guest can be written.

The party receiving this invitation should at once accept or decline.

If there are several young ladies in a family they receive an invita-
tion addressed to “The Misses ,” but each young gentleman receives
a separate invitation. ’

 

 

COURTSHIP

,

ind

gcly open simple It

stwm

’s of a

Love

And thinks none sees it ’cause itself (is blind.

—COWLEY.

DANCING AT THE WEDDING

 

DANCING AND SUPPERS. 11.1

SENDING FLOWERS

It is in good taste for near friends to send flowers to the house. on

' the morning of the party day; but it is not absolutely required, and you

can omit this compliment without giving offense.

HOW THE- DEBUTANTE SHOULD DRESS

The dress of the young debutante must be simple and tasteful. For
the first time in her life she wears a dress with a train. It may be of
tulle or plain white silk, and fresh flowers should be her only ornaments.

‘ SHE MAY DANCE

On this particular occasion she is privileged to dance, even though
others are slighted. She can give herself up to the fullest enjoyment,
for she stands in the position of the favored guest, for this one evening,
and her claims are paramount.

During the reception she stands at the left of her mother. Gentle-
men are presented to her, but she is presented to her elders and to ladies.
The exchanges of courtesies may be brief, thus giving an opportunity for
each guest to congratulate her on her coming out.

HER ESCORT T‘O SUPPER

When supper is announced a brother escorts the debutante to the
table, the father follows with the most distinguished lady of the party,
and the young daughter is seated on the right of her father. If she
has no brother the father accompanies her to the supper-room, while
the mother follows with the most honored gentleman present.

On the night of her entree into society the gentleman who has the
honor of the first dance with her is selected by the mother, and is usually
a relative or intimate friend.

During her first season she does» not attend parties without a
chaperon, or make any calls unaccompanied by her mother.

THE DUTIES OF THE DEBUTANTE

Having fairly been launched upon society, it is the duty of the
young lady to make the most of her opportunities. Society is not a.

112 GOING INTO SOCIETY.

conglomeration of frivolous people with neither solidity nor sense, but
it is a communion of minds, a gathering together of the bright, the
witty, the intellectual, as well as the trifling. Of these various factors,
the polish and culture which results from attrition, leads to a blending
of the whole, brightening daily life.

Once out upon this current, there is much to be avoided, and much
to be cultivated. First, then, remember, that merely fashionable life,
showy gatherings, gay company, where the heart is left out and hollow
professions take its place, is not good society.

We would Say to the young girl, you are in good society when your
comp-anions are pure, true, natural; when the young gentlemen you
know are manly, frank, trustworthy; when the girls you choose for
friends are true-hearted and simple; who have ideas beyond flirting
and dress. Do not accept as a friend a girl who does not trust and
honor her parents. Such an one can never be true in any relation of
life.

CALLING AFTER THE PARTY

The ceremonious calls which follow the party include the young lady,
but during her first season she has no card of her own, doe-s not call
alone, nor does she receive gentlemen without her mother’s presence or
a chaperon. _

A young girl’s conVersation should be free from gossip and envy.
And she should never sanction disparaging remarks about an absent
friend.

RESPECT YOUR ELDERS

A respectful demeanor toward the aged is a peculiar charm in a

young lady. Never call attention to' any peculiarities others may -

possess. Do not make jokes at their expense for the purpose of estab-
lishing a reputation for cheap wit. A young girl should guard her
language well. Sharp sayings and sarcastic repartee fall with very
disagreeable effect from her lips.

A true lady will always repulse familiarityor rudeness, either of
speech or manner.

 

THE ELDEST SON. 113

THE ADVENT IN SOCIETY OF THE' ELDEST SON

In England the eldest son first enters society on the day he attains
his majority, and much prominence is given to the event. But in this
country very little formality is observed. His first steps in this direc-
tion are taken by escorting his mother and sisters to parties, balls and
visits. He thus becomes, through observation, fitted to assume all the
obligations which society imposes upon him. There, on the contrary,
When the eldest son enters society, great rejoicing is indulged in.

BE OBLIGING

When a young lady is asked to sing or play in company she should
never be in too great haste to do so, nor should she be urged a long time.
In the first place she will be thought too anxious to display her accom-,
plishments, and in the second people grow so weary of importuning
that they do not enjoy her attempt. There is a happy medium between
the two. Respond pleasantly, and do not sing or play but one air at
a time. If your auditors really enjoy your efforts you will soon be

‘ convinced of that fact.

Never be the last to leave a party if you can possibly avoid it. You
should always thank your hostess for the pleasure the evening has
afforded you.

EDUCATION A GREAT HELP

Many accomplishments are necessary for the complete success of a
young lady in society. She should have the groundwork of a. good
education. If she knows some French and German, so much the better.
She should be able to play some musical instrument, although she need
not be a “star” performer. She should use correct language, have a

’ pleasant manner, sit and walk gracefully, and dance well. She should

 

have a general knowledge of the rules governing polite society, and
have a sufficient amount of self-control and tact to enable her to conceal
or repress her likes and dislikes. And above all, she should be neat and
sensible in her dress, being something of an artist at the toilet.

 

’Vl’f‘l"?:*'“" «Ni :11»: .... < .4. 4 -

114' GOING INTO SOCIETY.

DUTIES OF A YOUNG SOCIETY MAN

The young man in society should pay many little attentions to 3;,
others. He will never indulge in slang or pointed jokes, even though I;

he is well acquainted with every member of the company in which he
moves.

He also shows a gentle deference for all, and seeks their comfort and ‘

convenience on all occasions.

He never retails his little jokes to his male companions, in a sly :2
manner, to make them laugh, when ladies are present, and then explains

their hilarity by saying——“Oh, it’s a joke between ourselves.”
He never makes remarks about the host or hostess, or the entertain-
ment, but accepts everything in the spirit in which it is offered.

MAKE YOURSELF AGREEABLE TO WOMEN

We would remind the young man entering society that he should
make it his constant endeavor to win the approbation of women. Their

good opinion is absolutely necessary; and he will find that many a :
hint and word of encouragement will come from them unsolicited if

he will show himself quick to appreciate them.

LEARN OF OLDER PEOPLE

When a young man has learned how to converse easily and un-
afiectedly with the elderly he is sure of their good-will. There are ‘i
many attentions which it is in a young man’s power to bestow, which ’1

cost him nothing, only the opportunity to put them in practice. The
cheerful offer of a more eligible seat, a casual inquiry after their health,
an interest shown in a subject that pleases them, a pleasant jest—all
these are but trifles, and yet are productive of much good.

DO NOT SLIGHT ANYONE

A gentleman in society is always ready to offer his servicesto ladies '
—he is especially attentive to those who are not. gifted with muchi
beauty or are not young. It may seem almost incredible in this fast 5

J

 

  
    

 

 

 

 

COMPLIMENTS UNNECESSARY. 115

and rushing age, but there are old and middle-aged people Whom it is
a delight to talk to. It seems strange to young people, Who very natur-
ally prefer the friends near their own age, that any one who has outlived
the “heyday of youth” can charm, but from the conversation of some
of these “old” people rich treasures of thought and experience can be
gathered. And it would be superfluous to remind young men and
women of this fact were it not unfortunately true that so many are
thoughtless and impolite to their elders. '

COMPLIMENTS UNNECESSARY

A young gentleman should never offer frivolous compliments. They
have no meaning, and their insincerity is soon detected by the recipients.
Honest praise is always agreeable, but not the fulsOme flattery whose
thin mask is so transparent.

EASE OF MANNER

A young man should acquire an ease of manner, Which will fit him
for any station. This can be obtained by close observation, and the
tact to adapt one’s self to the occasion. Books will aid some in this
direction, but contact with society will help far more. He should not
confound civility with forwardness, a natural ease with an affected and
stilted demeanor, and should not in his desire to be witty and genial
border on the familiar and coarse.

A MAN IS KNOWN BY THE COMPANY HE KEEPS

,A choice of good companions should be made early. It is the easiest
thing in the world to copy unconsciously, and therefore a young man’s
intimate friends should be men of superior minds, who will, by their
dignified example, become models worthy of his imitation. Elegant
manners are marks of refinement that are of great benefit to any one,
and to a young man who expects to Win his way 'in life, whether in a
profession or out of it, they are of the greatest consequence.

A word from an author Whose judgment is unquestioned, is that “A
man who does not solidly establish, and really deserve a character for
truth, probity, good manners, and good morals, at his first setting out

 

 

 

 

 

 

116' : GOING INTO SOCIETY.

in the world, may deceive and shine like a meteor for a very short time,
but will soon vanish and be extinguished with contempt.”

nREss TASTILY

One thing we would impress upon the young man in society. Let
your dressbe as neat and tasty as is consistent with your means, but
do not adopt loud and flashy colors. Wear nothing that is not paid for.
In spending money do not show a grudging, sordid spirit, but practice

proper economy. No one will blame you for that. Often young men

are betrayed into heavier expenditures than they can afford from a fear
that they will be called “close,” or a desire to outvie some other young
men whose means may be much larger than their own.

ASSUMING AN AIR OF WEARINESS

Do not assume a blasé demeanor. No one likes a young man who
affects to have drained the chalice of life ere he has even sipped it.
The greatest charm either man or woman can possess is that gay good

nature and brilliant spirits that belong by right to youth. And the

young man who tries to appear much older than he is in his life ex-
periences will certainly disenchant, rather than attract; indeed, he will
arouse suspicion rather than confidence.

PAY ATTENTION TO THOSE AROUND YOU

A gentleman should pay some regard to those who are striving to
interest him. It is a glaring mark of selfishness to be inattentive to
what is being said, and will only awaken hostility in those whom you
meet. Attend strictly to the speaker, so that you may be in a position
to answer properly the train of thought in which he is indulging.

All these suggestions for the proper conduct in society can, with
a. little change, be made applicable to either sex.

 

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2
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d... a. .—..‘,w-

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3V
5

CHAPTER Xll.
MISSES AND UNMARRIED WOMEN

“ ’Tts oeauty that doth 0ft make women proud;
’Tts virtue, that doth make them most admired;
’Tis modesty, that makes them seem divine.”
-~—SHAKESPEARE.

We”

   
    
   

“HERE is no gain-
saying the fact
that women from

the moment they enter
society until they de-
part from this “vale of
tears” are hemmed in
and restrained, and if
we may use the word,
watched. This re-
straint, in a measure,
is a protection, yet it
can be carried to ex-
cess.

In our land it is the
tendency of the age to
permit unmarried
women, some of them
almost girls, too much
license. In Europe a.
young man would
never think of asking
for the young lady of the house in
making a call. The mother or some
elderly lady is inquired for first, He
can then ask for the younger lady, and
she will probably be sent for to make

her appearance in the drawing-room.
m

 

 

{3

118 ' MISSES AND UNMARRIED WOMEN.

Here young men call on young ladies, and in many cases extend
them invitations to public gatherings, without even consulting the

. mother or guardian as to the acceptance of the attentions. This laxity

of manners is reprehensible. One result of this independence on the
part of a young lady is the free and easy manners which some of her
masculine friends choose to adopt toward them and in speaking of them.

AN ABUSE 0F HOSPITALITY

Some girls (we trust they are few) when visiting in a strange town
will ask gentlemen whom they have met casually to call on them. 'T‘his
no lady will do, without first consulting her hostess to ascertain if such
visits are agreeable. '

Neither should she permit a gentleman who aspires to a more inti-
mate acquaintance to call at any unusual hour without the knowledge
and sanction of the lady at whose house she is staying. Such a practice
is a violation of all rules of hospitality

COARSE REMARKS

A lady should never countenance a coarse or slangy remark. It is
by this neglect to check or disapprove of rude speeches and offensive
habits, that the fashion has grown among some otherwise very desir-
able men. Women, it is in your power to banish this thoughtless habit,
and do not laugh at such sallies for fear of giving offense or being
thought a prude. The manners of men are, as a rule, in your
hands. A gentleman desires to be what he thinks is the most
pleasing to the ladies of his circle. And if you do not frown upon all
freedom of speech the respect you demand will soon be absent from"
their manners, and the “sweet small courtesies” of everyday life will
be known no more.

DO NOT DETAIN YOUR PARTNER

In any social gathering, when a gentleman has had a. few moments
conversation with you, give him an opportunity to leave. If you chance

 

 

 

BE NA TURAL. 1.19

to be standing and his going would leave you alone, ask him to take
you to some lady friend or to a. seat. You can easily tell by the conver-
sation whether he would like to leave your side were he not afraid of
being impolite.

They do these things differently in Europe. There the gentlemen
move through the room, now here ,a moment or two, now there, never
hesitating to leave a young lady’s side whenever they desire. It is very
humiliating to know that your gentleman acquaintance is hoping that
some one may come to his rescue so that he may bestow a little atten-
tion upon some other fair one. And the young lady herself may have
a desire to be engaged in conversation by some one else.

BE NATURAL

Some writer says that the debutante has a hard time of it, and we

agree with her. If a girl is “out for her first season” she is under the ‘

espionage of other mothers, who compare all her little sayings and
doings with their girls when they made their entrance into society.
They often vote her silly if she is lively, stupid if she is quiet. There
is only one course for her to adopt. Be natural, but never rude. Do
not try to change your style to please every one who criticises. Bring
out your best thoughts, cultivate worthy friendships, and pay no atten-
tion to the flings of ill-natured people. You are one of that aggregation
known as society. You have been instructed in all that pertains to
good breeding. Be courteous, unaffected and unselfish, and enjoy all
that you can without encroaching upon others.

Do not be persuaded into doing those things which you cannot do
gracefully. Every one cannot dance. If you are not at your best in a
ball-room decline to attend. You may shine pre-eminent in some other
role.

Never commit the rudeness of slighting any one. The courteous
lady is courteous to all. Young girls are protected from annoyances

by the loving care of parents; by the defences that society throws around

her sex; by the customs and habits current in her social set. And when

 

 

1. harass :ay;:.;.v-m?~§.~ MAT

 

 

120 _ MISSES AND UNMARRIED WOMEN.

she does not value these safeguards she must be very obtuse and un-
thankful.

If unwelcome callers come, the unmarried lady can fall back upon
the rule that she does not receive men alone. If she is invited to drive
with a man she can say frankly, “My parents do not permit me to accept
such an invitation.”

MAKING: NEW FRIENDS

Girls should never make friends with strangers. There are plenty
of men of the world who like to romance and fool girls of susceptible
natures with their heartrending experiences which never existed save
in their own minds. A friend gained at a dinner party or a. dance often
amounts to but little. Do not adopt a stranger as a friend.

INVITATIONS

Do not consider any invitation about whose propriety there is the
least doubt. If a gentleman places a girl in this embarrassing position,
he is lacking in the true elements of manhood. A girl must always be
asked to walk or dance in an open manner.

ACCEPTING PRESENTS

1/

It is very unwise to accept a. present of any value from a gentleman

unless you are engaged, or he is a very old and tried friend.

'A married lady may take a present from a gentleman who has
enjoyed her hospitality.

Do not think because a. young man oifers you a gift that he has
serious intentions. It will only make you ridiculous.

There are many simple things that an unmarried lady may receive
from a young gentle-man with whom she is on a pleasant footing. He
can send her a new book, or the latest piece of music. A box of con-
fectionery or a basket of fruit is in order, also. But he should confine
himself to articles of like character. Jewels, expensive bric-a-brac, etc.,

 

 

 

 

NEVER CRITICISE OTHERS; ‘ 121

are not to be thought of, and should he make the mistake of offering
them, they should be refused positively and firmly.

RENDERING SERVICE

| There are many ways in which a. young man can render polite
service to a lady, such as carrying her parcels if he meets her on the
street, call a carriage, loan her an umbrella, invite her to dance, assist
her to put on her overshoes, take her to supper at a dance, send her the
new magazine, be attentive to her mother. He will never be at a loss to
do her a favor if he is quick-witted and kind-hearted. '

NEVER CRITICISE OTHERS

No great man ever spent his time in criticism of other men. Michael
Angelo, when once asked to criticise some of‘ Raffael’s frescoing, said
nothing, but took a crayon and drew a figure—the best he could, and
then replied: “I criticise by example.” Was there ever a better prin-
ciple? Criticise your neighbor by example; by living better, if you
can, not by talking about .his faults.

DO NOT GIVE THRUST’S

What more impolite a thing can there be than for a woman to seize
the occasion of a social meeting to give some one an unpleasant thrust?
——and still we often meet this in what is suppOsed to be good society.
It is better, far better, to heap coals of fire on another’s head, as the old
saying is. It quicker mends the trouble, and one’s own feelings in the
meantime are not left to chafe and fret over what must seem to even
the most underbred a poor way to get even.

ELDERLY GIRLS

When a lady passes the age of thirty and has not yet married, she is
entitled to a matron’s freedom. This is also in a measure true when one
‘ has reached the age of twenty-five. She is now considered able to judge
, _ for herself and knows when to shun the temptations of the world.

 

 

122' MISSES1 AND’UNMARRIED WOMEN.

She, however, cannot do everything she might wish to 'without
violating some rules of etiquette. In traveling she should either be ac-
companied by her father, brother or a lady friend, and should be espe-
cially particular regarding her dress.

So many charming women are single from choice, either because
their sweetheart died young or becaUse of the giving up of one’s life to

become the matron of the father’s home, that to them should be accorded

all respect due to a married woman. Many of our “bachelor girls” live
together and arethe happiest people imaginable. “It takes a very
superior woman to be an old maid.”

DUTIES OF A CHAPERON

Chaperons are by some looked upon as figureheads. They are,
however, indispensable to motherless children, and to young ladies who
desire to see the world, and who cannot be accompanied by their
parents.

The duties of a chaperon are very hard and too often very disagree
able. She must go wherever she is requested to go, preside at table,
watch all associates and save her charges from contamination of every
nature whatever. She should be well educated, also versed in current
topics and the usages of society, possess tact, good judgment and be even
tempered. A woman of elegant manner and charming character is a
great help to any household, whether she be mother or chaperon.

 

 

 

 

 

. CHAPTER xm.
WHAT ETIQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN

“Education begins a gentleman, but reading, good company and reflection

must finish him. ”
—LOCKE.

LVVAYS be ready to render a lady any proper service. Etiquette
A requires of a man that he shall attend _to his social duties
promptly; that he shall reply to invitations and letters at once;
that he shall be as polite to the lady whose advancing years have robbed
her of her physical charms as to the budding beauty of girlhood; that the
aged of both sexes shall be the objects of his attention
In passing a lady upon the hotel stairs, or riding' 1n the elevator with
one, a gentleman should lift his hat. Acquaintanceship 1s not required.
In giving up his seat in the car to a lady, he should raise his hat. In
this connection it may be well to say that she should never omit to
thank him. ‘
Gentlemen who are acquainted should raise their hats to 'one an-
other when they meet.
Remove the hat on entering the church doors, and do not replace
it until you have reached the outer vestibule in passing out.
Do not leave a lady alone in the theater while you go out to “see

Tom Cook,” or to speak to a man on business. It is very bad manners,

as well as showing great selfishness. If she would like to leave her seat
between the acts for a promenade in the lobbies accompany her.

Do not whisper or converse with her during the performance. Some
people act as though the theater or opera was a visiting place, where
they can retail all their private affairs, to the disgust of those who paid
for the privilege of hearing the play.

All invitations to a renewal of a call or visit should be made by the
lady ofthe house, repeated of course, by the master of the house. It

is very ill-bred for the gentleman to assume this right. It places his
123

 

 

 

124 _ WHAT ETIQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN.

wife in a false position by making her appear inhospitable and remiss
in good manners.

In the street cars, when a seat is vacated, a gentleman looks around
to see if there are any ladies standing before he drops into it. Neither
does he remain seated while an old or a lame person, or a woman with
a baby, is standing.

IN THE STREET

When a gentleman is walking with two ladies he should offer his arm
to but one, and the other lady should walk at her side.

He need bow but once to the same person on a public drive where
people constantly pass each other. A pleasant smile or a look of recog-
nition is sufficient afterward. .

He must carry a lady’s parcels, especially if they are heavy.

When leaving a lady at her own house, he should wait on the steps
until he sees that she is admitted before he takes his departure.

He can take either side of the pavement, but it is usual for him to
walk on the side where the greatest numberpass, so as to protect his
companion from being jostled. He should not offer his arm save in the
evening, or where her safety demands its protection.

PAYING THE FARE

A gentleman who by chance meets a. lady friend in a. car or on a
ferry-boat, or any other public conveyance, is not expected to pay her
fare. The assurance with which some men thrust out the coin with a
“Two, please,” is deeply offensive to most women. It places them under
an obligation which they cannot repay, as men can. It is wiser to allow
the lady to pay her own fare rather than take the liberty of doing so. If
she is accompanying you by invitation, it is to be presumed that you
will pay the fare, as well as all other expenses.

There may be a case where she has unknowingly spent all her money,
or has left her purse at home. Then it is right that you should come to

her assistance, and allow her to pay it back, trifling as the sum seems

to you.
Commutation tickets may not be used for the same'reason, unless

 

HELPING OFF THE JACKET. ‘125

you allow the lady to return to you the full single fare“ You have no
right to place any one under an obligation that'is distasteful.

HELPING OFF THE JACKET

In England it would be regarded as impertinent for a man to hoist
on a. lady’s jacket, jerking up the back, or tucking away her sleeves at
the shoulders. It is common here, however, but we think it is a custom
which should be discouraged. A lady is generally able to attend to the
removal of her own garments, else she should not appear in public.

A lady should under no circumstances assist a well man on with his
coat. Few men like it, and we think the sooner this is understood the
better.

SMALL WIT

Do not amuse yourself and the company you are in by holding up
to ridicule the ladies of your household. Particularly is this true of
some husbar'lds, whose witty sallies are always at the expense of the
wife, and who fancy this sort of jesting stamps them as good fellows.
But, alas! if that wife turns the tables on them!

It is not good form to touch upon domestic incidents, and should
never be indulged in. It is in poor taste, also, to recount things which
are even praiseworthy as long as they occurred in the privacy of home.

BORROWING MONEY

Never borrow money of a lady, and have as few dealings with ac-
quaintances of the opposite sex in financial matters as possible.

SENDING FLOWERS

If a gentleman invites a lady to a place of amusement, he should
send her flowers. They are but tokens of purest friendship. A card
should be sent bearing the_ lady’s name, and over it the nameof the
sender, with the words—“With compliments of ——~—”

A gentleman may keep on his hat when handing a lady into a. car-
riage, although some writers on etiquette declare to the contrary. A
lady will surely excuse his running the risk of taking a severe cold.

o "'

 

 

F

egg; w-..

4-,‘:—.;.w‘

126 ‘ WHAT E'I‘IQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN.

Besides, he cannot render her proper assistance in entering the ear-
riage if he is compelled to hold his hat in one hand.

REMOVE THE HAT

When calling on another gentleman at his place of business, remove
the hat. A gentleman would not think of keeping his hat on in a lady’s
parlor. Then why should he in an office which serves him during busi-
ness hours in the place of his wife’s drawing-room.

It is narrow for men to insist upon tacking on the title “Mr.” with
each other, when they meet on equal terms. It is sufficient to speak to
him as “Lane,”' or “Jones.” I

A gentleman can appear in a morning costume at most functions
now, save full dress ones; that is, he can wear a business suit, fancy vest
and tan shoes, with a Derby or soft hat. High hats and tan shoes do
not harmonize, however. ‘

CLUB RULES

A gentleman belonging to a club, Whether large or small, should
abide by all the rules of that club after first thoroughly posting himself.
He has a perfect right to blackball any candidate for admission if he
thinks such person would mar the harmony.

He should make himself agreeable to his fellow-members, conduct-
ing himself exactly as he would in his own home.

In the reading-room he should. speak in a low tone of voice, respect-
ing the rights of property, by being careful not to destroy or mutilate
books, papers, etc.

Refrain from mentioning ladies in the club precincts. He must also
be very cautious whom he introduces to the club, as he is supposed to
vouch for their good behavior.

The guest of a club should leave a P. P. C. card on the last day of
his visit, addressed “To the President and Members of the Club.” This
card is kept, either in a frame, or pasted in a scrap-book with the cards
of other guests. .

méfla'ekr, ._..».. . . A, r.

- A. “minim-

 

 

 

 

SPRING VACATION ‘

“Nothing tends to enlarge the mind so much as traveling, that is, making a visit to other
towns, cities or countl'icx. waidcs those in which, we were born and educated. ”
-—DR. 1. WATTS.

 

 

SMOKING. 1221

PHYSICAL TRAINING

A gentleman should pay great regard to physical training. The
more manly arts he masters, such as rowing, boxing, swimming, skating,
etc., the greater will be his development, and the more graceful will
he become. It will add to his strength, and better fit him to defend
himself against insult, and to protect women from ungentlemanly con-
duct upon the part of others. To these accomplishments he should
add dancing, which lends a grace and ease of manner that is pleasing
in all society.

When a gentleman makes an engagement, he should be punctual
in keeping it, whether of a business nature or simply pleasure.

SMOKING

To many who are violently opposed to the use of tobacco in any
form, a chapter on smoking will seem out of place; and yet there will

always be found in all society those who love the weed, and the users

of it have an etiquette which should govern them. Of course these hints
are intended for gentlemen alone, for we cannot imagine a lady
smoking. ,

It is well known that the ladies of Spain have from time immemorial
smoked the little cigarettes so common in that land; but the indulgence
of such a custom in our own country has not, we are sure, ever extended,
and we trust it never may. For, aside from the hygienic aspect of such
a habit, it certainly is destructive of the delicacy of women.

WHERE TO SMOKE

It is perfectly proper for a gentleman to smoke in the drawing-
room or dining-room of his own house, when company is not present,
provided the ladies of his household have no objection. We have heard
ladies declare that it made it seem homelike to have their husbands
indulge in a quiet smoke at home.

Do not, however, smoke in a bedroom, for it uses up the fresh air so
necessary to refreshing slumber.

When a gentleman calls in the afternoon he should not smoke, unless
he finds his host at home, and is urged to join him in a smoke. It is

*‘TWV

      

130 WHAT ETIQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN.

one of those privileges, however, which is more “honored in'the breach
than the observance.”

A room is generally provided at all entertainments where the gen-
tlemen guests may retire and enjoy themselves without disturbing any .K
one.

i
SPARE THE SINGERS 2%
a
1-

When a person is singing for the entertainment of the company
do not smoke, for tobacco smoke will cause serious discomfort to singers, %
often preventing their effort; the vocal organs of such artists are ex- g:
tremely sensitive, and tobacco smoke is deadly to them.

Smoking in the public streets is now quite general, but a gentle- '

man will be very cautious in passing a lady that he does not allow the

   
 
 
 
 
    
   
    
 

smoke to pufi into her face. ,
No gentleman will accompany a lady in a public street with a lit
cigar in his mouth. The young man who would expose her in this
manner is astonishingly deficient in the manners which make the
gentleman. ‘
THE CUSPIDOR

This disgusting, object has no place in a. drawing-room, or in any
other apartment. Why the American gentlemen must expectorate so
copiously when they smoke is one of the unexplainable mysteries.
Foreigners are not addicted to this habit, and it is a matter for ridicule g,
with them, that our men do it. It should be discountenancedrevery- -
Where. ,

In England a gentleman never smokes upon the street. Here it IS
customary, but a gentleman should always remove his cigar if he stops .
to address a lady friend. ‘ "

ASKING PERMISSION

A gentleman should never ask a lady if smoking is offensive to“
her. Nine out of ten will declare it is not, from a. desire not to appear
selfish or rude. I.

It is proper for him to ask another gentleman that question, and

 

EXCESSIVE SMOKING. 131

if he is in a circle of men, and there is but one who does not like
tobacco smoke, he should waive his own inclinations and refrain from
' using his cigar.

‘ EXCE'SSIVE SMOKING

It is no longer a supposition, but is a fixed fact, that the excessive
use of tobacco in any form is detrimental to the health. But as we
are not writing a medical treatise, rather offering a few suggestions
to the well-bred, we pass that phase of the subject by.

No one has the right to inflict a cheap, bad-smelling cigar upon his
friends. If you cannot obtain something nice, defer your smokingto
the privacy of your own room.

Never hold an unlit cigar in your mouth, chewing the end until it
becomes disgusting to the eyes of those around you.

Do not smoke a pipe in company. That is another indulgence that
should be relegated to your own apartment, or to the society of a
few choice spirits.

When you have been smoking, take a brisk walk in the open air
before you present yourself to lady friends. The aroma of tobacco
when retained in the clothes is very offensive to some people.

THREE SPANiARDs—ALL SMOKING

A friend of mine in writing of her travels abroad, relates the follow-
ing story regarding the politeness of three Spanish gentlemen of Cadiz:

“As we left the city of Cadiz on our way to Seville the train was a
great curiosity to us. The cars open at the side, each compartment
seating only eight people. There are no bells on the locomotives in
Spain, but when the train is about to start the station-master appears
and rings vigorously an ordinary dinner bell, the whistle on the pigmy
engine gives a little toot and the train starts. We had just congratu- ‘
lated ourselves that we were to be alone, when presto! three Spaniards
entered, all smoking. Of course this was to be expected, for in Spain
men smoke everywhere, even in the presence of ladies. We prepared
, to be miserable, and drew nearer the windows, but to our surprise they
permitted the weeds to go out, and were assiduous in their efforts to

 

132 WHAT ETIQUETTE DEMANDS OF A GENTLEMAN.

make us comfortable, arranging the curtains and picking up our parcels.
On leaving at one of the way stations they raised their hats and said
courteously, ‘Adios, Sefioras,’ ” meaning, of course, good-bye.

BENEA'I‘H US IN CIVILIZATION

This is the civility offered by a country far below America in point
of civilization, yet how beautiful in manners. More than this, Spanish
hearts are ever warm to strangers who are their guests and they make
them feel this from the very day they set foot on Spanish soil.

To those who cannot speak the language they are courteous to a de-
gree beyond our understanding. How unlike many Americans are they
in this respect, With us it is a common occurrence, and especially so in
our larger cities, to make sport of foreigners, their dress, their language
and their peculiarities. When we have learned the law of love, not to
our own kin entirely, but to all the world, then will we have solved the
problem and the only problem of true politeness “that out of the heart
the mouth speaketh. ”

 

 

l
a
a»:

 

CHAPTER XIV.
OBLIGATIONS OF BACHELORS

“When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were
married.”

—SHAKESPEARE.

T IS a truth well put, that married men have their etiquette attended

to for them, in the line of visiting, by their wives. And other
duties devolving upon them in society are lifted from their shoul-
ders by the excuses of business, or some other trifling evasion. But the
bachelor has no such re-
fuge. He may use up
the category of reasons
why he did this, or didn’t
do the other, but it is no
use—he must perform
his duties as a social be-
ing, or else be forever
shut out from that so4
ciety which claims him.
He has, however, far
more freedom than a
lady; he is not compelled
to keep up appearances

 

 

 

 

by living in fashionable
quarters. He can use up
the stationery of the
hotel or the club, or
drop into a friend’s office
and borrow a letter head
on which to conduct his correspondence. He can dress carelessly, or he
can walk to the opera, keeping his gloves in his pocket till he reaches the

door, All these things, and many more equally independent, he can do,
,133

 

134 OBLIGATIONS OF BACHELORS.

and nothing will be thought of it. He is a bachelor, and that covers a
multitude of shortcomings. But such a man is always in demand, even
though he is poor and frankly admits it, if he is polite and well-bred,
if his manners are good, and his reputation equally so. His society is
requested, and his presence welcomed.

USE DISCRIMINATION

A bachelor must use judgment in deciding between persons and
observe habits of neatness and be courteous to all, if he desires prestige.
If to these he can add a nice voice for singing, a telling way of impart-
ing a story, or any other accomplishment, he is sure to. please and be
sought after. His social duties must not, however, lead him to take
advantage of the kind treatment which he receives. He must not fall
into the error of thinking he can have the‘ entree of the houses which
‘ include him in their list, and call on the young ladies alone. He will
soon learn that he has overrated his own :charms. He will have to be
civil to the elder members of the household, and pay them attention,
but he will not go amiss if he sends them the tokens of his remem-
brance in the form of a few flowers, now and again. All these atten-
tions place him on a firmer footing at the house where he visits, and
insure him a warmer welcome.

DO NOT’ BE TOO ATTENTIVE

He should not be too assiduous in his attentions. Most every young _'
girl is rather willing to accept attentions which are offered, even if she
intends at some future time to check them. She means no harm, but
thoughtlessly reasons that there is nothing serious in his intentions,
and she can discourage them when she chooses. ,.

Sending flowers is proper, at any time, and bears no significance in v
itself. A bachelor can very properly send flowers and kind inquiries .
to the house of a lady who has entertained him often, if she should be 7
attacked by illness.

ESCORTING LADIES TO THE THEATER

If a. gentleman has been invited to the theater by a lady who gets :

 

 

 

 

DUTY TO THE HOSTESS. ' 135

up a theater party, he should not leave the box between the acts, unless
he asks her to walk about. She is conspicuous from her position in
a box, and it subjects her to the gaze of rude people, of whom every
large gathering has its share.

DUTY TO THE HOSTESS

When a young bachelor has been invited to dinner and then followed
it by attending a ball, he owes his hostess a duty, and that is to ask
her to dance, at least once. But as soon as the ball-room is reached,
they forget (or seem to) her kindness, and disappear, to bask in the
sunshine of fairer and younger ladies. The neglected lady should
remind them of their remissness in a gentle way, by asking them to
escort her to another part of the room, or sit with her awhile. They
owe her that much attention, even if they do fume inwardly.

DO NOT OVER VALUE YOURSELF

Many bachelors place a very high estimate upon themselves, deem-
ing that their presence at festive occasions and their readiness to

\ g sacrifice themselves on society’s altar is commendable. This feeling

 

is often shown in a very plain manner. But we consider the advant-
ages they enjoy of being thrown in the society of charming girls, the
evening’s recreation, are quite equal to the favor which they confer.

It is in bad taste, to say the least, for them to show this feeling
It is better repressed or extinguished entirely

RETURNING COURTESIES

The bachelor who has enjoyed the hospitality of his numerous
friends can, if he is of an appreciative nature, return them in a measure
by giving a luncheon or dinner himself. It is not incumbent upon him
to do so, but it is very gracious. He can easily induce some elderly lady
of his acquaintance to act as chaperon, provided he has no mother or
married sister. If he has a suite of rooms he can entertain nicely; the
menu need not be elaborate, unless he choose.

If the bachelor’s home accommodations are limited, he can take his
party to a first-class restaurant, hotel or club. There are many oppor-

136 OBLIGATIONS 0F BACHELORS.

3
a;

‘4

tunities for him to return some of the favors that have been bestowed

upon him. '
THEATER PARTIES

I

A theater party is a very pleasant way of entertaining. A chaperon
must lend her presence. ‘

’But as we said before, there is an obligation resting upon the
bachelor in society, which he should discharge cheerfully and ungrudg-
ingly. He will enhance his own chances for success, and relieve himself
of the imputation of selfishness.

A bachelor has the right to expect an invitation to dine at a house
where he has been a frequent caller.

PARTY CALL

A gentleman is generally supposed in this country to make a brief
, call upon the hostess, shortly after a dinner, tea or a party to which he
has been invited.

CHAPTER XV.
ETIQUETTE IN THE STREET

“ What’s afine person, or a beanteons face,

Unless department gives them decent grace?”
——CHURCHILL.

N NO country are women so highly respected, or treated so cour-
I teously as in America. A lady can travel anywhere, without an
escort, and hear no disrespectful language, or sneers, and feel
assured that, should an emergency arise, she would be accorded the
amplest protection.

PRIVILEGES OF WOMEN

Women do not know how

    
 

, great are their privilges. Abroad
KK", §\\ a lady would not find it safe or

proper to walk out alone. In the

f/

—-} WM/j

  
 
 
 
  

streets of Paris no woman alone
and unprotected is secure from
insult.» Here two or three ladies
may, if they so desire, attend
places of amusement, ride in the
cars, or promenade unaccom-

él

panied by a gentleman. This fact
amazes strangers from other
lands. This arises from two
causes—the natural inborn chiv-
alry of American gentlemen, and

“‘“\‘_
\

.._~

the independent, unaffected na-

{‘

understood, however, that very

yOung girls should not be seen anywhere Without some older person as
13"

tures of American women. It is.

is:
"1’" ‘ a
. 4.5“?

. 138 ETIQUETTE IN THE STREET.

an escort. Too great liberty engenders a coarse, loud manner which is
distasteful.

There is no place where one’s manners are more plainly discernible,
or where the natural selfishness inherent in all will exhibit itself more
conspicuously than on the street or in crowded places. And one is apt
to be judged very harshly sometimes by the deportment on the public
promenade. '

STREET DRESS

A true lady always dresses simply and quietly when in the street.
She does not adopt gay and showy colors and load herself down with
jewelry, which is entirely out of place, and evinces great anxiety to
“show ofi.” Custom sanctions more brilliant colors in dress goods than
formerly, but they should be selected with modifications for outdoor
wear. Quiet, subdued shades give an air of refinement, and never
subject their wearer to unfavorable criticisms.

French ladies, who are noted for their exquisite taste in matters of
dress, always have everything harmonize—the dress, hat, wrap, gloves,
and even their shoes all match in color, forming a complete unison
which is very agreeable to the eye.

GOOD CARRIAGE

A lady should always walk in an easy, unassuming manner, neither
looking to the right or to the left. If anything in a store window
attracts her notice she can stop and examine it with propriety, and then
resume her walk. She never should hear a rude remark, or see an
impertinent glance, appearing to think it impossible that they could be
intended for her.

GIGGLING DEtTE'STABLE

A lady who desires a reputation for elegant manners does not
giggle or whisper in a meaning way on the cars or in theaters or lecture
rooms. She reserves those disagreeable habits for a more private place.
, Neither do ladies commence to laugh as soon as the door has closed
upon a retiring guest. They may be laughing about something entirely

 

13w;

'{l—‘V—J‘r'fi

NEVER FLIRT. 139

foreign to the occasion, but it is not in human nature to help imagining
the laugh is aimed at the one who has just left the circle, and who will
feel uncomfortable in consequence. Remain perfectly quiet until you
are sure your friend is out of hearing, ere you resume your conversation.

Loud talking is inexcusable at all times, and gives a very vulgar
air to what you say. A lady does not call to her friends across the
street, or inquire after their health in a boisterous fashion or shout
across to know “Where are you going, Jennie?”

NEVER FLIRT

No lady ever flirts on the street, or allows a stranger to make her
acquaintance. She may consider it only a bit of “fun,” but she will
surely not win the respect of that stranger, and lose her own as well.

If a lady is on her way to fulfill an engagement, and meets a friend,
she should, after the greetings, excuse herself, by stating the fact that
her time is limited. Never visit on the street.

DO NOT “CUT” ANY ONE

Never “cut” people in public. If there are reasons why you desire
to discontinue an acquaintance, either turn your head before meeting
that person, or convey to him in some delicate hint, your feelings. But
do not expose any one to the mortification of a cold, rude stare, or
refuse to return the salutation given you before the eyes of others.

In bowing on the street, a lady must merely incline her head grace-
fully, and not her body. But she should always smile pleasantly. It
lights up the features, and adds a refreshing warmth to the greeting.

0n meeting friends in public, a lady does not effusively greet them ‘
by their first names, and air her own affairs in a loud, high key, '
acquainting passers-by with matters that concern her alone.

She should not stare at other ladies, and whisper and laugh in a
pointed manner, or comment upon their personal appearance.

She should never permit one of the opposite sex to address her in
aJslangy fashion, touch her on the shoulder, call her by her first name
before strangers. All such little familiarities, although perhaps in‘

140 ETIQUETTE IN THE STREET.

tended innocently enough, will give others the impression that she is
not held in the highest esteem. '

We are happy to say that our young ladies are very courteous to
elderly ones as a rule, giving them up their seats, and answering their
questions with gentle politeness. This is as it should be, and reflects
credit upon any young person of either sex.

ACCEPTING ATTENTIONS

A lady may accept the assistance of a strange gentleman in getting
on or off a car, or in crossing a muddy or crowded street. Such atten-
tions should be accepted in the spirit in which they are offered, and .
acknowledged with thanks, but there they should end.

In passing people On the walk, turn to the right. Do not join forces
with three or four others, and take up the entire pathway, compelling
every one to turn out for you. Walk in couples, when there are several
friends in your party. ‘

Ladies do not chew gum on the streets, or rush up to each other and
kiss effusively. ‘

Nor do they hold up! the peculiarities of absent friends to ridicule,
or discuss them uncharitably. Gossip and slander are very near friends.
Never indulge in either.

SHOPPING

When a lady goes shopping, she treats the attendants of either sex
with politeness. Often these clerks are tired, and overworked, and a
lady need not take it as a personal affront because they do not know
intuitively just what she wants.

Do not seize hold of a piece of goods which another customer is
examining, but wait until she has either made her purchase or passed
it by. .

BUY WHAT YOU NEED ONLY
Never be persuaded into buying an article which does not suit both

your taste and your purse. Make your wants known plainly, and if
you cannot be suited, thank the salesman for having endeavored to

 

 

1
:I’.
s
11‘
I,
i .
i.

 

WHAT A GENTLEMAN SHOULD DO. 111

please you. Remember, he has myriads of demands upon his time and
patience, and a polite word lightens the tediousness of his position.

If you meet friends while shopping, do not visit with them, while
the saleswoman is awaiting your orders. You have no right to take up
her time, and keep her from waiting upon other customers.

If you do not fancy the goods shown you, do not depreciate them to
the one serving you, but melelv say in an agreeable manner, “It 1s not
just what I w,ant ” and pass on.

Do not handle the goods yourself, except to feel their texture or
weight, but allow the salesman to place them to the best adx antage
for showing their good qualities. If you cannot decide at once between
several pieces of goods, say so, and give the salesman permission to
attend to some other customer, while you are making up your mind.

WHAT A GENT‘LE‘MAN SHOULD DO

A gentleman'never swaggers along the street, shouting and laugh-
ing with his companions, his hat on one side, a cigar between his fingers,
or switching a cane to the danger or discomfort of piassers-by.

A gentleman when walking with a lady in the daytime does not
offer her his arm, unless she is old, or ill, or- he does so for the purpose
of protecting her in a large crowd.

OFFERING THE ARM

If escorting a lady in the evening, he oflers her his arm only in a.
very crowded thoroughfare. It is a very amusing sight to see a gentle-
man walking between two ladies, a sort of a thorn-between-two-roses
affair. Where two only are walking, the gentleman should keep the
lady at his right.

A gentleman removes his hat when entering a room. When he meets
a friend, he should raise his hat gracefully, and if she is with another
lady, he should include her in the salutation even though he 1s unac-
quainted.

WHISTLING IN PUBLIC

On entering a public hallway, or an elevator, Where ladies are wait-

142 ETIQUETTE IN THE STREET.

ing, he does not treat them to an exhibition of his skill in whistling.
It is exceedingly impertinent, and is a virtual ignoring of their presence,
which no gentleman is ever guilty of.

In passing through a. door, the gentleman holds it open for the lady,
even though he never saw her before. He also precedes the lady in
ascending stairs, and allows her to precede him in descending.

When a gentleman meets a lady friend with whom he wishes to
converse, he does not make her stand in the street, but walks with her
a short distance until he has said what he desired to, and then leaves
her with a courteous bow.

Whenever .a question is asked by a stranger, he freely answers it.
If he cannot direct such an one, he states his inability to do so, With
civility.

No gentleman will stare rudely at ladies, or make slighting remarks
concerning them.

He should always carry the packages which a lady has; and in this
connection permit us to say, that a husband should always carry the
baby.

ASSISTING LADIES FROM A CARRIAGE

In assisting a lady to alight from a carriage, he should step out first,
and then turn and offer her both hands, particularly if the vehicle be
some distance from the ground, otherwise he should give only one hand.

He should pass up the fare of a lady in a car or bus, and should
get OK the step-s of a car when it is crowded, to permit her to enter.
He should never push his way in, and leave her standing upon the
platform.

OFFERING A SEAT TO A LADY

It has long been a moot question whether it is the duty of a gen-
tleman to rise in a street-car and offer his seat to a lady. While it
may be asserted that a man is weary after a hard day’s work in office
or store, and again, that many ladies take such courtesies in an un-
thankful spirit, or as if it were their just due, still we think that the

main '

 

OFFERING A SEAT TO A LADY. 143'

essence of genuine civility will lead a gentleman to rise and ofier his
seat to a lady who is standing.

Chesterfield, the best authority on such points, has summed it up
in a few concise words, when he declares that, “Civility is particularly
due to all women; and remember that no provocation whatever can
justify any man in not being civil to every woman; and the greatest
man would justly be reckoned a brute if he were not civil to the mean-
est woman. It is due to their sex, and is the only protection they have
against the superior strength of ours.” To which we would add, that

_ no gentleman will speak a word against any woman at any time, or

mention a woman’s name in any company where it should not be
spoken.

A husband should’always call for his wife after a dinner, theater,
lecture or any place where it is possible, even though he is unable. It is
decidedly selfish in him to refuse. ‘

When a gentleman escorts a lady home, he should not enter the.
house, even though he is invited to do so.

BOW OF RECOGNITION

In foreign countries etiquette requires that when a lady meets a
gentleman acquaintance on the street she should be the first to give the
bow of recognition. This custom does not always prevail in this coun-
try. Good sense must govern in every case. A well-bred man will bow
and raise his hat to every lady whom he meets, without waiting for her
to make the advances. In all cases she should immediately respond.
Salutations should be mutual and simultaneous. If a gentleman has
a friend with him all three should bow, the friend also raising the hat.
So should a gentleman raise his hat if walking with a lady and she meet
a gentleman acquaintance.

SALUTATION ONLY POLITE

It is only civil to return a bow although you do not know the party
who bows to you. It costs you nothing and means much to the other
party.

“My boy, you take off your hat too often,” said a father to his son as

 

 

 

 

144‘ ETIQUETTE [N THE STREET.

they were walking together. “I believe you can’t pass a dog without
touching it, and that you would say ‘I beg pardon’ if you trod upon his
tail.”

“Mother says I must. take it off whenever I pass any one that I know
and that I must, touch it even when I pass the servants in the street.
She says General “’ashington’took his hat ott’ to his black men because
he didn’t want them to be more polite than he was.”

The father from that time on made up his mind that his son should
not excel him in civility.

KEEPING STEP

It is proper for a. lady and gentleman when walking together on
the street to keep step. In order to do this the gentleman must shorten
his step and the lady at the same time lengthen hers. Ladies should
not forget this. It is easily done and enables the escort to appear more

at ease.
DEMANDING ATTENTION

N0 lady will demand the attention of a gentleman, but when offered
she should accept the same graciously and with approved thanks.

 

 

CHAPTER XVI.
TELEPHONING—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL

“6'27360/4 is the index of the mind.”

   

~SENECA. _ -

HE telephone is certainly one of the most useful and one of the
T most invaluable blessings the business or social world has ever
’ enjoyed. And yet, like all good gifts, there is not one which is
:so abused, and where the ethics of good manners are so often ignored.
It may seem to some that rules for its proper conduct are superfluous,
‘j’but when we listen to the complaints, “not loud but deep,” which the
{waiting crowd utter when someone “holds the wire,” we feel that a few
brief hints can be well inserted here.

In the earlier days of the telephone, it was very natural that many
,‘E’should make use of it, from the charm of novelty—the delightful thought
hat .a friend who was perhaps a mile or two away, could be reached

 

s easily with the voice as if he were sitting in one’s own drawing-room.

   
 

ut now that the novelty has worn off, and its use has settled down to -
plain matter of fact, it is proper to remember that it is a public
ervant—that it is intended for general use, and should not be monopo-
ized by one or two.

(I One piece of rudeness perpetrated is the calling up of people at all
orts of inconvenient hours, and keeping them at the ’phone while you

 

 

     

ecount some trifling bit of news or annoy them with personal matters
which should never be retailed in so public a place.

5 This habit is particularly noticeable in some of the large stores

ii,»

Where telephones have been put up for the accommodation of patrons.
A lady enters the box, and after securing the attention of the one she
.. esires, she will chat and laugh and pass nonsense over the wire, all the
giime utterly oblivious of the crowd of angry women (Whose time perhaps
3‘ s valuable) who are inwardly fuming at the delay the frivolous holder

f the ’phone is causing them. This evil has become of such proportions
145

 

 
 
 

 
 
 

 

146 TELEPHONING—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL.

as to necessitate the posting of instructions limiting the use of the
’phone in each individual case. A little regard for others’ rights, sea-
soned with a dash of good manners, would teach every user of the
telephone how not to transgress.

HOW TO USE THE TELEPHONE

Stand near the telephone, place the receiver to your ear, after having
rung the bell, hold your lips close to the transmitter, and, after the
person whom you desire to hear from has made himself known, talk
in a low, even tone of voice. Many make the mistake of shouting, and
thus defeat their own intention of conversing.

INVITING BY TELEPHONE

This is never excusable, save among very intimate friends. Or a
message may be received of the intended visit of some one whom you
know is very anxious to meet a certain friend. Your time may be so
limited that the shortest and quickest way to reach her is by telephone,

and you avail yourself of the instrument. But you should ofler a word ‘

of apology for asking her in so public a, manner.

Sometimes ladies take advantage of this method to force a gentle-
man into paying them a call or accompanying them to some friend’s
house, knowing that over the ’phone they would scarce refuse what they
would gladly do, had they been given time to decide.

A lady may communicate with her husband, any member of her
family, or her business agent in this manner with perfect propriety. A
physician can be summoned in the same way. She can also give her
order to her grocer or butcher over the wire. In fact, there are many
occasions where the telephone seems an important adjunct to daily life.

LEAVING THE ’PHONE

After summoning the friend whom you desire to reach, do not leave
the telephone, nor engage in conversation with anyone near. This is
the acme of rudeness, and deserves a severe reproof. State your busi-
ness in the briefest manner, waste no time, and carry on your conver-

 

 

RUDENESS TO TELEPHONE OPERATORS. 147

sation in as modest and unassuming a way as you would were your
friend in your presence.

RUDENE‘SS TO TELEPHONE OPERATORS

Never express yourself impatiently or rudely to the telephone assist-
ants. You cannot harm them, and you will accomplish nothing, only
5 the stirring up of a useless anger. They have a thousand demands upon
their services, and some most unreasonable ones. If they are not always
as courteous or ready to respond as you think they should be, bear with
them politely. A lady or gentleman can be so under all circumstances.

PERSONAL CULTURE

We cannot here enumerate and give proper usages for all the points

- that might come up regarding the proper use of the telephone, any more

than we can enumerate the rules to be observed on all other occasions

in life. The highest culture which was manifested in the well-bred

people of Athens at the time of Plato, the well-bred people of Rome at

the time of Augustus, the well-bred people of Constantinople at the time

of Justinian, the well-bred people of Florence at the time of Lorenzo de

\ Medici, or of the well-bred people of Paris at the time of Louis XIV., and

, is being manifested in popular parlors of our own time, is entirely due to
the consideration each has of the other’s feelings.

LAW OF RIGHT

Where the greatest culture manifests itself, there is to be found also
‘ the greatest regard for the Law of Rightmwhere a restraining influence
is put upon self-conceit, self-assertion and various vulgarities and self-
indulgences that tend to make others unhappy. By this general repres-
sion no one person can monopolize all the attentions, without running

. the risk of being considered a bore. ‘
_ People can sometimes pardon the common irregularities of the
. senses, but not the selfishness of the heart. Let us remember this and
keep our hearts with all diligence, for out of them are the issues of life;

 

 

“Think truly,’and thy thOught
Shall the world’s famine feed;
Speak tpuly, and thy word
Shall be a fruitful seed;

Live truly, and thy life shall be
A great and noble creed.”

 

CHAPTER XVII.
SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON

 

v; “A man may with more impunity be guilty of an actual breach eitfier of 'real
x" good breeding or good morals, than appear ignorant of the most minute points of
1,: fashionable etiquette.”

-Sco:rr.

HE code of rules governing social life at Washington differs. from

T that of all other cities. Here the social question becomes one of

great magnitude, and the visitor to that city, even though accus-

tomed to the usages of good society elsewhere, will find an entirely new

, experience on visiting the nation’s capital. Society there takes its tone

from official life. It is composed of official personages from other lands

'_ as well as our own, who represent governments and who necessarily

have a. dignity to maintain. Consequently the rules governing here do
not apply to any other section of our country.

WHO‘ARE THE LEADERS

The men there have precedence through the offices which they hold.

Women rule by virtue of their husbands’ official position. It is true

‘ that in a republic all men are equal before the law. But that does not
excuse them from honoring the office to which they have been called
by the people, and they should exact the privileges and respect which
their position confers upon them.

A writer of authority, referring to the etiquette of life there, says,
very pertinently:

“We have no ‘court circles,’ nor do we expect to remain a republic
and at the same time ape ‘court’ manners. We have a social as well
as a political autonomy. Let us preserve these with an equally jealous
care and dignity. Our official etiquette is not intended as a personal
compliment, but addresses itself to the ofiice borne, so that it remains
strictly in harmony with our Republican sentiments. When the incum-

w bent leaves the office to which he has been called, he becomes again
‘* 140 ~

 

 

 

 

150 SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.

simply a private citizen, Whom the republic has honored. This is such
a. very beautiful provision of our legal Constitution that we should never
lose sight of its bearing on social life and manners. It is the counter-
acting and saving element, as opposed to all hereditary distinction, and
holds each man and woman intact in the exercise of their talent, by
which he or she may regulate the individual destiny. The very words
‘Republican court,’ have a fatal sound of Cacsarism; and, as we have
already remarked, words become factsnthey are the expression of the
soul’s aspirations. We should prove to the world that Republican man-
ners are the very acme of true elegance in their unaffected simplicity.”

THE FIRST GENTLEMAN IN THE LAND

The first gentleman in the land is the President. He leads social as
well as official life. He is always alluded to as “the President,” even
by his wife. He can be approached by any one as the privilege of call-
ing upon him is accorded to all, but he need never return a visit.

He may stretch a point, and call upon a. friend, but this concession
is not expected of him. The same rule applies to the wife of the
President.

CALLING ON THE PRESIDENT

When a private call is made upon the President, the visitor is shown
into the Secretaries’ room, presents his card, and awaits the result. A
business caller has the preference over one who merely makes a formal
call.

If a person has an object in keeping an interview with the President,
it will aid him greatly to secure an introduction through some ofi‘icial,
or .a friend of the Executive.

RECEPTIONS AT THE ’WHITE HOUSE

Receptions are given at the White House at stated times, which 3.11
are at liberty to attend. As the caller enters he gives his name to an

usher, and is announced. He then approaches the President, and is .

introduced to him by some official to whom this duty has been assigned.

.4». Aims-arm:

E: INVITATIONS FROM THE PRESIDEN’I".~ 151

A word may be exchanged with the President; sometimes when the
herowd is very great, a bow is all that is possible. The guest can then
a pass through the rooms, or can leave at once, as his taste inclines him.

These receptions, or “levees” as they are termed, are exceedingly

informal. No “full” dress is required—you can attend in your walking

‘3‘ costume if you so desire. Forms are omitted, also. You enter the vast
hall, an official announces you, and you proceed at once to the Presi-
dent and his lady, and pay your respects. They exchange‘a word or
two with you, and, as we said in the preceding paragraph, you can
loiter a short time greeting acquaintances, or you can retire from the
scene. .

INVITATIONS FROM THE PRESIDENT

An invitation from the President to a state dinner must not be
disregarded. It is even expected that you will decline another engage-
ment in favor of the more important one, and your excuse that you have
received an invitation from the President is sufficient. I

NEW YEAR RECEPTION

The President with his family holds a New Year reception, which is
a. very brilliant affair. Ladies and gentlemen attend it alike, and all
the officials, diplomats, etc., are to be found there. The foreign legation /
appear in full court dress. The guests are all in holiday costume, but
the ladies do not remove their hats, save the members of the President’s
family, who receive in reception toilettes, without hats.

WHO IS NEXT IN RANK

Next in order comes the Chief Justice. His office being for life, he
seems to have precedence over the Cabinet and Senate. He is addressed
as “Mr. Chief Justice.” The Vice-President follows him in rank, with
the Speaker of the House, the General of the Army and the Admiral of
the Navy. Members of the House of Representatives call first on all
these officials.

The duties of the ladies of the Cabinet are very burdensome. They
are expected to give a reception every Wednesday, atwhich anyone

A a

152 SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.

who chooses can present themselves. They return all the first calls of,
their lady guests, and leave the card of the cabinet oflicer, and an;
invitation to an evening reception. When it is taken into consider

ation that they stand f01 houis receiving, and have two or three hung?j .
dred calls to make after one of their receptions, we think any fashion _
able lady will declare the demands made upon her own time easy by ’3

 

comparison. ,

The wife of the Chief Justice, although expected to hold numerous»
receptions and receive calls, is alone, of all the ladies at Washington,
exempt from the duty of returning calls. ‘

HOW TO WRITE TO THE‘ PRESIDENT

In writing to the President, he should be addressed as “The Presi-
dent—Sir.” In speaking to him he is designated as “Mr. President.”
All other ofi‘icials are addressed as “Mr. Vice-President,” “Mr. Speaker,” .
“Mr. Senator,” “Mr. Secretary,” while a member of the House would.
be plain “Mister,” unless he had another title. In introducing the latter”
he would be called “The Honorable Mr. of ,” naming:
the State he represented. ,

“Among the duties of the cabinet oflicers is that of entertaining
Senators, Representatives, Justices of the Supreme Court, members of
the diplomatic corps, and the distinguished people who gather at the:
capital. Ladies of the families of these officials are included in the,
invitations, The season for dinners lasts during the session of Congress.
All other officials, except the President and cabinet, entertain or not, j
as they choose. The official position imposes no particular social obli?
gations, and circumstances, health, and all the reasons and motives?
that influence men and women in private life to entertain or not to enter- ;
tain are taken into consideration in Washington life, and the question‘
is decided accOrdingly. ‘3

“The visiting hours 1n Washington are from tWO until half- -past five.
AS is true in many other cities, many of the very fashionable ladies
prefer to walk in making calls in fine weather, and many of the richest?
visiting costumes are made up as short suits.” "‘

 

RECEPTION DAYS. 153

It is an absolute fact that the visiting list of a Cabinet officer’s family
must represent from two to three thousand names.

RECEPTION DAYS

There are certain days allotted for certain classes of society to
receive. Thus the families of justices of the Supreme Court are at
home on Monday. The Speaker of the House of Representatives, as also
other members, and the General of the Army, keep open house on
Tuesday. Wednesday is called Cabinet day, and the wife of each Secre-
tary is expected to be at home on the afternoon of that day. Thursday
is set apart for calling upon the families of the Vice-President and
Senators, while Friday is the great calling day for all who hold no
ofiicial rank. Saturday is thus left as reception day at the White House.
Guests always hand their cards to the usher at all receptions. '

These receptions are designed to answer in lieu of calling upon
strangers who go to Washington. As in theory every citizen has helped
elect an ofiicial, and is entitled to some recognition at their hands, and
as it would be manifestly impossible for the families of public ofiicials
to call first on the many strangers who visit our capital, it has grown
into a. custom for our officials to throw open their houses on certain
days, thus affording all a chance to be present. at these informal recep-
tions. From the time of Washington until the administration of J ack-
son, strict rules of etiquette were observed, and life at the White House
was as ceremonious as at any Old World court, but “Old Hickory” broke
down the barriers, and inaugurated these public receptions, whether
with advantage to social life or not we leave our readers to judge.

Receptions are in order from the first of January until the beginning
of Lent. Dinners are given until Congress adjourns.

ABUSING PRIVILEGES

It is a fact that the privilege which is thus afiorded transient visi-
tors is sadly abused, for people will intrude upon those with whom they
have nothing in common, and to whose social circle they could never
under any other circumstances gain admission. It argues a lack of
delicacy of feeling, and is a rudeness never perpetrated by refined ladies

 

154 SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.

or gentlemen. We do not refer to the receptions. Those are given in
a hospitable spirit, which extends its favors to all; but to that class
of sight-seers that will call upon private citizens with whom they have
not even a common acquaintance. The only redress that can be had is
not to return such visits, else would every private individual be com-
pletely at the mercy of every one who went to Washington. ' As an
instance of this abuse of good manners, we quote from Miss Hall, who
says:

“Common-sense ought to teach people that to a card reception (that
is, where the guests are all invited by card) no one save those specially
invited have a right to go; but the Washington tourist is very unre-
flecting. Where he sees a number of carriages standing before the door
of a mansion, he immediately enters thereat; and whether he is one,

. or whether he is two hundred, makes absolutely no difference in his
' view of the situation. The result of his theories is naturally disastrous.
N0 private house can hold an unlimited number of people; and where
the uninvited throng in such numbers, the invited guests are unable to
gain admission. A Washington lady received cards for a reception
given by an official. It was a. little late when she started, and on her
arrival in ———-————— Avenue, she found a surging throng of people in and
around the door of the house where the reception was to be held. After
striving with the crowd for an hour or more, and reaching only the
vestibule of the mansion, she and her escort gave up- the attempt to gain
further admittance, and went home without having been to the party
at all! It transpired afterward that an excursion of two hundred people
had arrived in Washington on that day, and had attended Mr. —-———————-’s
reception en masse!”

WHO NEED NOT ENTERTAIN

Senators, Representatives, and other officials, need not. entertain
unless‘they wish to. The President and Cabinet oflicers are compelled
to, by the laws of W'ashington etiquette.

One peculiar feature of life at \Vashington will strike the visitor,
who is at all observant, and that is, the retirement in which young
people are kept.’ They attend the receptions with their elders, but they

LEAVING CARDS. I 155

do not lead or rather tyrannize over society, as they too often try to
do in some cities not. nearly so cosmopolitan as Washington. A young
lady would not think of taking a seat until her mother or the married
ladies of the party were provided for. Young ladies are not invited
either to state or'

 

form a1 dinners,

but all the simpler ‘ ' é§t§

forms of gayety / / 3’s

are always left for g»; 5 . .
their participa- ' h 3 I
tion.

At morning re-
ceptions, a cup of
chocolate is usu-
ally tendered the
g'uest — some add
other drinks, with
with tempting con-
fections. The sim-
plest refreshments
are the most prop-
er, however.

LEAVING

. CARDS

On making vis-
its, it is the cus-

 

tom among all
well-bred persons
to send in or leave
a card. When the person called upOn is not at home, turn down
the right-hand upper corner of the card to show that you came

 

 

 

HIGH LIFE IN WASHINGTON

in person. When you go away from the city, leave or send a card
in which “P. P. C.” is written on one of the lower corners, “P. P. C.”
meaning Pour Prendre Gouge—to take leave. When a lady leaves

156 ' SOCIAL ETIQUETTE AT WASHINGTON.

Washington with the intention of returning at some future time, she
sends these cards by mail to such of her friends as she desires to con-
tinue an acquaintance with, and when she has come back friends may
[call upon her as soon as they learn of the event, or she can send them
cards with an “at home” day specified upon them.

When one end of a calling card is turned down, it always signifies
a call in person, at Washington. '

The usual hours for calling are from two to five p. m. A visit in the
evening presupposes a certain degree of social acquaintance, and should
never be made as a first call.

TITLES FOR LADIES

A custom which is growing in favor is to address the Wives of
dignitaries by the titles which indicate the honors of their husbands,
as “Mrs. Senator Durborow,” “Mrs. Admiral Dewey,” “Mrs. General
Lawton,” “Mrs. Secretary Gage.” Most of such customs, although at
first rather out of keeping with our simple Republican tastes, become
familiar to us by usage and seem eminently fitting. 1

CHAPTER XVIII.
CALLING—WHEN AND HOW

“True friendshz‘p’s laws are by tin's rule expressed,

Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.”
——-POPE.

to know when to call, how to call and on whom to call, would
be an unpardonable breach of etiquette. Society exacts of
woman minute attention to little formalities which would be excused
in a man in this land, where the sterner sex are almost to a unit

C ALLING is so intimately interwoven with society’s laws that not

immersed in business or politics.

Formal calls in the city are intended .to serve in lieu of the more
genial and lengthy visits which are a part of country life; and are
designed to cement the acquaintance with all whom you admit to your
circle.

MORNING CALLS

These do not mean, as the title would imply, calls made in the fore-
noon, but embrace the hours from one to five p. m. They are generally
of fifteen or twenty minutes’ duration. Should another lady call, make
your own stay even more brief than this. Conversation should be
on agreeable, topics. Inquire first after all the inmates of the home,
then pass on to the subjects of the day, the last new book, or latest
fashion in dress.

~Never canvass an absent acquaintance, or repeat anything which
has happened in another house where you have been received as a
guest.

oN LEAVING

When you‘are ready to go, say so, rise at once and take leave of your
hostess, who may accompany you to the door. If there is a servant, the

hostess will most likely ring for her to show you out, meanwhile keep
157

 

158 CALLING-eWHEN AND HOW.

ing you engaged in conversation until the very moment of your
departure.

Some fashionable women adopt the English custom of rising only
at the leave-taking, but we prefer our own way of going to the door
with them.

WHAT NOT TO D0

Do not declare, the moment you enter, that you cannot stay an
instant. You came tomake a call. Let it be agreeable and free from
fussiness, and do not make your leave-taking a prolonged one. We have
seen many people who were going at once, and yet who would compel
their hostess to stand for several minutes, while they lengthened their
parting into quite a visit, and wore the patience and good-breeding of
their entertainer almost threadbare.

KEEPING A MEMORANDUM

When your list of acquaintances is an extensive one, it is a wise
plan to keep a regular visiting book. Any little blank book can be
made of use, by ruling off spaces for the names of your friends, calls
made and to be made, also leaving room for future engagements.

EVENING CALLS

Calls in the evening are made from eight to nine, and should be of
an hour’s duration. The hostess rises on the entrance of her visitors,
and offers them her hand, leading them to a seat. She must have tact
and geniality, so as to draw out the best ideas from her visitors. Most
women possess this .quality, and therein lies their charm.

REMAINING AT WORK

If you are engaged upon any piece of work when callers come, lay
it aside. But when an informal friend or one of long standing enters,
sewing, crocheting or fancy work, may be continued, if it does not
interfere with friendly conversation.

KEEPING 0N ONE’S WRAPS. 159

NOT AT HOME

That polite fib “Not at home” should be shut out of good society. It
is far more honest to send word that one is engaged. A lady need not
deny herself to any one, if she will have regular days for receiving. The
dress should be very handsome on these days; and the lady who calls
should be equally richly attired.

Delay in proceeding to the parlor is rude, unless engaged in some
important occupation which cannot be laid aside. If that is the case,
send word that you will be at leisure in a few moments and make your
appearance promptly at the time specified.

KEEPING ON ONE’S WRAPS

The'outer wraps are retained while making calls, the brief time
allowed for remaining making it unnecessary to remove them. If a,
lady is fearful of taking cold by keeping. her wraps on, she may ask
permission to take them off, and they can be laid on any convenient
chair.

CONDUCT WHILE WAITING

While waiting in the parlor for the lady on whom you call to appear,
the piano must remain untouched, as also the bric-a-brac. Sit quietly
in the place the servant has assigned you, and rise when the hostess
enters.

CALLING FIRST

In the country and at watering-places those who were there first
call upon the later comers. In England the lady highest in rank calls
first. Here the older lady has the precedence, and she can make the
first advances by inviting the younger one to call, or sending her an
invitation to some entertainment.

CONGRATULAT'ORY CALLS

Calls of congratulation upon a young lady after her engagement is
announced should be made. All those who have received cards call

160 CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

upon the parents of the bride as well as upon the young couple them-
selves. A call made upon a happy mother should not be made Within
a month after the advent of the little one.

CALLING ON MEN

A lady should never call on a gentleman save professionally or
officially. She should knock at his door, send in her card, and be as
ceremonious as possible. It is very bad form to make a social call on

» a gentleman at his office; even the most intimate acquaintance does not
warrant it.

INVITING ANOTHER LADY

A lady can take the liberty to invite another lady to accompany
her in calling. A gentleman never should do so, Without first asking
_ permission of those upon Whom he intends calling.

CALLING ON STRANGERS

, When a stranger comes into a town, the residents should call on
her. In a city, the immediate neighbors should pay her the compli-
ment of calling, although we regret to say that many ladies neglect this
act of hospitality under the pretext that they don’t know anything

about their standing. This is a flimsy excuse. They should call first,

and if the parties are not desirable as acquaintances, it is a very easy
matter to drep them.

CALLING ON THE SICK

When calling on the sick do not ask to be admitted to the sick room.
Your card can be sent to the invalid, Whose quiet will not thus be in-
truded upon. If it is proper for you to enter the chamber of the sick
person, you will receive an invitation to do so from the friends.

CALLING CARDS

The style of calling cards changes so frequently that a set form cannot
be laid down. But the English and German text and the fancifully orna-
mented cards so much affected at one time have yielded the field to a

. -. 4u._‘uni1&;amrzam

 

L

AN ALUMNI BANQUET

“It is not the quantity of the meat, but the cheerfulness of the guests, that makes the feast.”
' -—LORD CLARENDON.

 

 

DRESSED FOR A WEDDING

E,

 

‘ Mx “Mun“ ,.

QUALITY OF CARD. 163

more elegant and chaste fashion which seems to suit the growing taste
so well that there is little danger of any very striking changes being
made in that direction, at least for a long time to come. The plain,
unglazed card with fine engraved script is always elegant. A card
is but a bit of pasteboard, and would seem to be of no consequence,
and yet it is a silent messenger which vouches for the cultivation and
familiarity with good usages of its owner.

QUALITY OF CARD

The first desideratum in a card is fineness of texture; then size and
shape. The lettering must also be selected with care. There should
be no glazing upon the card, and the engraving should be done in the
finest script. In case your engraved cards are exhausted, write name
with pencil, not pen, in case of emergency.

GENTLEMEN’S CARDS

The card carried by gentlemen should be small and engraved, and
does not contain a gentleman’s address.

MR. WILLIAM BATES ROBB

If he has a title it should be placed before his name. It is said that
the Hon. Daniel Webster and also Henry Clay both preferred their
names printed upon their cards, thus—“Mr. Webster ;” “Mr. Clay.”

WIDOW’S CARDS

A widow should not use the initials of her deceased husband upon
her cards. She should use the following form:

“Mrs. Lizzie Brown Stevens.”
But during his lifetime her card should read:
“Mrs. Edward Stevens,”

the object being to prevent confusion should there be other sons- in the
same family who were married.

164 ' CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

Husbands and wives no longer use the same cards, but each has a
separate visiting card.

PREFIXES

It is an undeviating rule that young ladies prefix the “Miss” to their
names upon their cards, the elder of the daughters omitting the given
name. Never use nicknames. The same rule applies to a married lady,
Who should never omit the prefix “Mrs.”

MOTHER AND DAUGHTER’S CARDS

When a mother has a daughter who is just entering society, the card
made use of is worded thus:

MRS. JOHN DAY HOWARD.
MISS HOWARD.

A young lady can have a card of her own after having been in
society a year.

RECEPTION CARDS

When a lady has certain days set apart on which she receives
friends, her card should indicate it by the following form:

MISS OSBORNE.
Tuesdays

3 to 6.
CHANGING RESIDENCE

When a lady removes her residence she should leave a card with her
new address with those whose turn it is to call upon her. But she can
send these cards by mail to all upon whom she called last.

P. P. C. CARDS

When leaving town for a. protracted absence P. P. 0. cards are sent,
but they are not sent when leaving for a short'time—as for a trip to the
sea-shore, or to the country. The initials P. P. C. stand for the French
words Pour prendre conge (meaning to take leave), and are always in

Iowan-k... . .

 

 

MOURNING CARDS. 165 '

the lower right hand corner of the card, and in capitals. It is wrong to
use the small letters, 1). p. c. The initials P. D. A. (Pour dire adieu),
mean the same, but they are not often used. These cards may be sent
by mail. Many cards are sent by mail now. In England a card sent '
through the postoffice is considered equivalent to a visit.

MOURNING CARDS

Those who are in mourning should have cards with a black border.
The border in vogue now is rather narrow. Cards should be left for
people who are in mourning, but only intimate friends should seek
admittance.

WHEN CARDS ARE SENT

A stranger arriving in a city sends cards to his friends so that they
may call upon him. Business cards should not be made use of in
making a call. When attending receptions cards should be left in the
hall on entering, so as to help the hostess to remember who has called.
In sending fruits, flowers, books, etc., the card of the sender should
accompany them. On recovering from an illness, or when the period
of mourning is ended, a card should be sent to each one who has called
during these times. The following is a good form:

MISS RAND,
With thanks for

Miss Neal’s kind inquiries.

NEW YEAR’S CALLS

The fashion of calling on New Year’s Day fluctuates. One year it is
announced that there will be very little calling done, the next year it
seems as popular as ever. There is no doubt that the generous hos-
pitality of the glad season has been greatly abused by the boldness of
young men who avail themselves of the custom to intrude where they
have no claim. And yet it is a beautiful custom, for this is the time
when resentments are laid aside, friendships are renewed, and the
pages of life are freshened.

‘ 166 ' CALLING-WHEN AND HOW.

“The practice of publishing in the newspapers lists of ladies who
will receive calls on New Year’s Day has often been criticised, but in
some localities it has the sanction of the best society. It has many
commendable features, and is best left to the good taste of those most
interested. When a lady receives with a friend, instead of at her own
home, cards are sent to her friends, to notify them of the fact, and give
them her changed address. Cards may also be sent out when she has
taken a new residence or returned from a prolonged absence from
home " '

On this day the hours fn v calling are from 10 A. M. till 11 P. M. But
if-a lady becomes too fatigued, she can instmw’r the servant to admit no
more callers. In the villages and small towns, wncro no special formal-
ities are observed, but gentlemen call on their friends and tender their
hearty good wishes for the opening year, the day is often enjoyed far
more than in our busy centers of population, where more ceremony
becomes necessary.

GENTLEMEN’S CALLS

There are certain fixed rules laid down by society, which apply to a
gentleman in a small place with the same force as in a large city.
Cowper says:
“Man in society is like a flower
Blown in its native bed. ’Tis there alone

His faculties expanded in full bloom
Shine out—there only reach their proper use.”

. ’AN AID TO A GENTLEMAN

Not every man can tell whether he is at fault on small points of
etiquette, and therefore such will be grateful to those who settle these
matters for them. A gentleman feels diflident in regard to the code of
calling, lest he trespass upon some established rule which he should
have known, and which will be a guide for his conduct.

,« imamfii

 

 

DO NOT ACCEPT CARELESS fNVITATIONS. 137

CALLING ON A LADY

A gentleman cannot consider himself privileged to call upon a lady
upon the strength of an introduction alone. He may desire very much
to do so, but waits to be invited. If the invitation does not come, and he
is anxious to prosecute the acquaintance, he may leave his card at her
residence. If he is acceptable, the young lady’s mother will send him
an invitation to visit the family, or ask his presence at some entertain-
ment to be given at their home. After that it is plain sailing, and the
gentleman may feel that he has a right to call occasionally. ‘

If his card receives no acknowledgment, he may conclude that for
some reasons best known to themselves, they do not wish to extend
their acquaintance. And in this case, he must wait when next they
meet in public for a recognition at their hands, as would any stranger.

DO NOT ACCEPT CARELES'S INVITATIONS

If a lady carelessly invites a gentleman to call, without specifying
the particular time, he may deem it no invitation at all, as she is more
than likely to be out or engaged should he avail himself of such an
off-hand permission. But if she states the time when he may call he
should be prompt in keeping his engagement. If anything prevents his
coming he should dispatch a messenger with a note explaining his
absence. Carelessness of this sort has checked many 'a friendship.

THE FIRST CALL

On making a first call he must have a card for each lady of the
household. When there are several sisters in a family, and the mother
is living, two cards will answer—one for the mother, and one for the
daughters.

The cards which a gentleman uses often are indications of his char-
acter. They are to be as simple as possible. The following will serve
as a model, and is to be either written or engraved—preferably the
latter.

168 CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

MR. EDWIN BOOTH WHITE

The prefix “Mr.” should not be used if the card is written by its
owner, but in an engraved one it is adopted. The card must be of the
finest texture, and lusterless.

HOUR FOR CALLING

A gentleman whose time is his own can call between 2 and 5 P. M.
But as business e-ngrosses nearly all our gentlemen, from 8 to half-past
8 in the evening is the proper time to make a social call. If he calls
before that hour he may interfere with some previous engagement, and
will surely displease his hostess by his untimely visit.

Married men are relieved from the task of making calls of ceremony.
The wife leaves her husband’s card in lieu of a call.

A FORMAL CALL

When paying formal calls a gentleman asks to see all the ladies of
the family. If he calls upon a young lady who is visiting people whom
he has never met, he sends in a card for the hostess at the same time
that he sends in one for the young lady. The lady of the house should
enter the room before his departure, to give him the assurance that any
friend of her guest is welcome to her house.

ASK FOR SOME MEMBER OF THE FAMILY‘

A gentleman should in all cases induire for the mother or chaperon
of the young lady upon whom he calls, and if she appears he should
address his conversation principally to her. But if she makes a practice
of entering the parlor and remaining there during his entire call, no mat-
ter how often he comes, he should conceal his annoyance under a well-
bred demeanor. Thewisest way would be to take the hint thus afforded,
“and act upon it.

CUSTOM ABROAD

In Europe the constant presence of an elder lady during a gentle-

L'm.. -

 

CALLING ONCE A YEAR. ' 169

man’s visits would be deemed only a necessary observance of etiquette,
but the customs of our land are totally different.

All invitations of any sort sent to a gentleman must be promptly
accepted or declined.

CALLING ONCE A YEAR

A gentleman should never neglect to make a call, when friends have
returned from a summer vacation. If he does not attend to this duty,
he need not feel hurt if he is left out of the invitations for the enter-
tainments of his friends the coming season.

A gentleman may make an informal call on intimate friends at any
hour that does not encroach upon their time. Don’t go so often, how-
ever, that they enjoy your absence. '

NEW YEAR’S CALLS

These calls are observed with varying degrees of ardor. One year
they are general, the next we hear that they are not observed. But
when they are not made the pretext for forcing one’s self upon people
who are almost strangers, they are pleasant. There is necessarily more
latitude permitted in' calling on that day, but. still it is a good old
custom.

CALL ONLY WHERE WELCOME

The gentleman who calls on the first day of the New Year confines
his calls to those homes where he is sure of a welcome and upon those
ladies who are formally receiving.

MAKE YOUR CALL BRIEF

A call on this day should be limited to ten or fifteen minutes, for
the hostess presumably has an extensive list of friends to entertain, and
cannot devote much time to any particular ones.

If she does not recognize a stranger who is introduced to her at such
a time, when meeting him again, he must not feel aggrieved.

1'70 ' CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

GENTLEMEN’S TOILET

The dress of a gentleman making New Year’s calls should be a
morning costume of dark coat, vest and tie, and dark or light pants.
Dress suits are for evening calls. The gloves should be of a sober tint.

DECLINING OFFERED REFRESHMENTS

He has a right to decline refreshments. He should never accept wine
or spirituous liquors, however hospitably they may be pressed upon him.
He cannot afford to risk his reputation as a gentleman by taking wine
at any house at which he calls.

ACCOMPANIE‘D BY A FRIEND

A gentleman should never take the liberty to invite another gentle-
man to call on a lady (save on New Year’s Day) without first asking
her permission.

In making a ceremonious call, the hat and cane are retained in the
hand, but an umbrella is left in the hall.

If you chance to call when a lady is just going out, make your stay
brief, and say that you will call another time.

CARRYING CARD-CASES
Card-cases are carried by gentlemen in their pockets.
EVENING CALLS

These calls are very unfashionable for ladies, owing to the possi-
bility of breaking in upon the plans of the family. Only the most inti-
mate friends arc entitled to make them.

An evening call should not be too long. Two hours can scarcely
be dubbed a call—it is rather more of a visit. An hour will answer in
most cases, and will be more likely to leave an agreeable impression
upon the hostess.

LEAVE-TAKIN G

A long-drawn-out leave-taking is tiresome and impolite to the

 

   
 

DO NOT CALL AT LUNCH HOUR. . 171

" hostess, as she must stand after he has risen to go,\until he has left
the room. If there are several ladies in the room, he should bow most
impressively to the lady of the house, and make a less formal inclina-
,1 tion to the other members of the party.

DO NET CALL AT LUNCH HOUR

A‘ gentleman should carefully avoid calling during the,lunch or
dinner hour, even upon friends, without he has been told to call at those
.5 hours, on any day. It is often said, “\Ve dine (or lunch) at such an
hour—come to see us and you will find us at home.” If you call at
that hour, and find a lady at luncheon, send in word that you will wait
till she has finished. If she comes out and invites you to the table,
‘3 either go in or take your leave at once. But don’t keep her away from
luncheon by remaining to pay a visit, and compel her to go without her
5‘.- meal. It is often done from want of thought.

w; ‘:»"¢‘n/-A p “02* «q. W_ -

‘5. i Lg.» “may?”

LOOKING AT THE WATCH

3 A gentleman should not look at his watch while making a call,
unless he has to catch a train, or has another engagement. In that
event, he should apologize.

Gentlemen may call on married ladies with the knowledge of their
I" husbands. ‘

GENTLEMEN CALLING

n ”21‘- 7- , Vermeer w

When calling on another gentleman at a hotel send Cup your card,
and wait for an invitation to the room. Announce yourself by a rap on

 
 
 
   
 
   

the door, and do not burst in upon your friend without warning. The
most intimate friendship does not warrant this freedom. If it is a lady
on whom you call, send'up your card, and wait her appearance'in the
reception room.

In calling you should not wait for an invitation to be seated, but
take the most convenient seat within range of the ladies upon whom
1,;you call.

. . .‘l’,:';‘ u
a A.
axia‘wsmmy-smmm

172 CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

CALLING ON THE SICK

In calling upon a sick friend, send in your card, and wait until you
have news from the sick room, but do not expect admission. Although,
if invited, it is proper to accept.

 

ENGAGED

If you are met at the door of a friend’s house with the statement ‘

that they are “engaged,” or “not at home,” which too often means the \
same thing, do not urge to be admitted, even though the family were 1
among your dearest friends. You have no right to an exception in your ,.
favor if they do not care to receive you on that day.

DOGS SHOULD BE LEFT AT HOME

Do not take your pet dog with you when making a call. It is not to t
be expected that your hostess would care to extend her hospitality to .
dumb animals which perhaps she does not like. Dogs have no place
in a parlor.

If ladies accompany a gentleman when he is calling, they should :
precede him, both on entering and leaving the room.

Do not suggest to a lady that the room is chilly or draw too close 3
to the fire when making a call, unless it is a very c01d day, and she f
invites you to do so.

DO NOT’ QUESTION CHILDREN OR SERVANTS

If you are left alone for a moment, and a child or servant comes i
into the room, do not presume upon good-breeding to ask them any '
questions about the family. A man who would do this should be g
debarred from the hospitality of any home.

LEAVE THE CARD-BASKET UN’I‘OUCHED

 

Do not examine the cards in the card-basket. You have no right to 'r
investigate private afiairs. _
It is usual to wear street dress in calling—a dark suit, with gloves f

 

  
  

A FIFTEEN—MINUTE CALL. 173'

  

,g:

E; of a dark shade. Light-colored suits are permissible in warm weather.
Overshoes must be removed in the hall.
Be at ease and self-possessed. Listen rather more than talk. There
is a happy medium between talking too much and talking too little,
and the man who finds it is a fortunate being.

‘1
r

A FIFTEEN-MINUTE CALL ,

A formal call should not exceed fifteen minutes, and when that time
has expired, rise and depart gracefully.
If making a call where all are strangers, at once announce your
name, and upon whom you have called. -
If you call on a lady and find her absent, and she expresses her
, regret at the occurrence when next you meet, reciprocate her regret,
; and do not carelessly remark that it made no difference.

THROW AWAY YOUR CIGAR

If you have been smoking on your way to make a call, throw away
V your cigar before you ring the bell. It is not very polite, however, to
call on a lady with your clothes permeated with tobacco smoke.
A married gentleman should always speak of his wife as “Mrs.
Brown,” never as “my wife.”

GENTLEMEN RECEIV’ING CALLS ON NEW YEAR’S DAY

On the first New Year’s day after his marriage a gentleman receives
. calls at his own home, in company with his wife. He does not make
any calls on that day.

Clergymen do not make calls upon New Year’s Day, but receive
friends at their own residence.

CALLING ON BUSINESS MEN

In calling on a business man, remember that to him time is valuable,
and do not take up any more of it than is absolutely necessary. The
same rule should be observed in calling upon ladies who are engaged

v in business. Use as little of their time as possible,

 

 

 

174' CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE

A call of condolence should be made within ten days, if on

an intimate footing with the bereaved ones. If you are not, at least a
month should elapse. When you are admitted, do not allude to the
sad event, unless those upon whom you call seem anxious that you

should do so. A silent pressure of the hand, a tender and delicate ._§
deference of manner will speak far more effectively than words which :'

are too apt to tear open the wound. It is in good taste to send a few

flowers, or a book, or a simple message, to the aching hearts, such as

“I send you deepest sympathy,” “My love, dear friend,” or “God be with
you.” These will reach down deep into the hearts of the mourning

friends and bring them a grateful consciousness that you remember

them in their affliction.

A CONGRATULATORY CALL

When a friend has distinguished herself by some special act, or has
written some especially fine article, or has been called to some position 5

of trust, it is only a pleasant duty to call on her and offer your con-

gratulations. We all like to be appreciated, and ‘When we have done :
anything worthily, it is pleasant to have our effort acknowledged by 1

our friends.

Should several guests arrive during a gentleman’s call, it is quite
proper for him to avail himself of the opportunity to pay his respects 3

to his hostess and leave.

He can do this less awkwardly than if he waits until they are seated.

A NEWLY MARRIED MAN’S LIST OF FRIENDS

When a wedding has been limited to a few relatives, or has been V,
strictly private, the bridegroom should send his card to those of his ,1
gentlemen friends whom he wishes to introduce into his new home. The ,

recipients of such cards should call upon the bride within two weeks.
“After one has been invited to a dinner party, one must call within

a week after the occasion,—~call in person, and ask if the hostess is at i

 

    

~«i.

 

   
 

 

A WORD MORE. 1753

home. A dinner party is one of the most solemn obligations of society;

if you accept an invitation to one, only death or mortal illness is a
legitimate excuse for not attending it, and you must have nearly as

good a reason for not calling promptly after it.”
A WORD MORE

Never make a long call if the lady is dressed ready to go out.

Never bring your mackintosh or umbrella. into the reception-room.
Never make an untidy or careless toilet when visiting a friend.

Do not stay so long that your hostess will mentally wish you gone.

gEmerson says regarding this:

“ ’Tis a. defect in our manners, that they have not reached the pre-

scribing a limit to visits. That every well-dressed lady or gentleman

should be at liberty to exceed ten minutes in his or her call on serious

people shows a civilization still rude. ”

One thing we should not forget, and that is, that the character of a

person is frequently judged by the appearance of the most minute

.4;

things. Therefore, voung perSons especially should try to conform to

u

‘5' all the rules of society as best he or she can.

BEWARE OF THOUGHTLESSNESS

Some writer has said: Prominent among the minor sins of major

import is the sin of thoughtlessness. It retards action, chafes, irritates
and discourages, annuls effort and wastes power; in a. word, clogs the

1?: wheels of healthful progress to a greater degree than stealing, or either

of half a. dozen other great sins, and yet it is spoken of as only a sort of
venial sin, a misfortune, or at most a. failing. To do the right thing at
the right time, being heedless or thoughtless in nothing, no matter how‘

small the detail, whether calling or in the midst of daily occupation,
2'5 is the greatest recommendation in winning friends and keeping them,
of any other one virtue.

V,

N.
a
.

  

How often do we hear people say, and especially boys, “You go, I
do not care to,” or “You take this, I do not care for it.” Now these peo-
ple that say this are most unselfish at heart, yet the very fact that they

. add, “I do not care for it,” makes it appear that it is no sacrifice and that

[176 CALLING—WHEN AND HOW.

they are giving up only what they do not care for. Would it not be
better to say, “You go; I will go some other time,” or “You go today;
I shall be busy at something else.” The force of this saying was brought
home to me only this morning while I was calling upon a friend. Her
sweet boy of ten summers had been given a nickel to spend as he chose.

Like many another lad, the money all went for candy. It tasted so good i
that try hard as he might to save a little for his mother, with whom he 5

always divided, he at last reached her side with only one little piece left,
and even that bore marks which showed he was tempted overmuch, but
he loved his mother, and he said: “Here mother, I saved this for you.”

The mother replied: “YVell, sweetheart, it is lovely of you, but I think

you would better eat it.” “Oh, no, I don’t want it,” he said.
Had there not been a look in the corner of his eye I should have

thought he only brought to his mother what he did not care for him- ._
self. The truth was, however, that he loved both, the mother and the :
candy s0 well,that lest she should insist that he should eat it he added, “I I
don’t want it.” It seems hard to correct the sweet lad for such an error,
yet we must bear in mind, “Train the youth in the way he should go -.
and when he is old he will not depart from it.” It is well for us, many 1
times, that we are judged by loving hearts. The field, indifferent world

would not be so quick to discern and pardon.

 

 

 

Era-WW ~ ~ "

 

CHAPTER XIX.
DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS

“It is act the quantity of the meat, but the cheerfalness of the guests,

which makes the feast.”
-——LORD CLARENDON.

\

INNER giving is a fashionable and pleasant way of entertaining,
D and although we have no account of it, we do not doubt that
Adam and Eve partook of their dinners with zest.

The luxurious appointments of a dinner-table to-day are in striking
contrast to the past. The arrangement of a table depends greatly upon
the skill and taste of the hostess. In large houses two footmen are
employed, whose duty it is to lay the table, while a butler takes care of
the wine and waits behind his mistress’ chair. If one man-servant only.
is kept, he attends to everything, assisted by the parlor-maid. If only
one servant is kept, and that a, woman, the serving of the table devolves
upon her.

WHAT HOUR TO DINE

The hour of dining varies, the middle and working classes adopting
the midday hour for the most substantial and elaborate meal of the
day. Others dine later in the day. Whether this is as healthful an hour
as the earlier one We are not prepared to discuss; but if the hour for
retiring is about eleven P. M., we see no objection to the seven o’clock
dinner.

TABLE MANNERS.—CHANGE

The manners pertaining to the table have changeo greatly, since
we are told that although cooking had reached a high state of devel-
opment among the ancient Egyptians, still they had not arrived at the
dignity of separate dishes from which to eat, but all the guests sat
around a. table, and dipped their bread into a dish in the center.

It is interesting to note the various customs of other lands. The
177

V178 . DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

ancient Greeks reclined at their meals; the use of spoons and knives A
was limited, while forks were unknown. The Spartans disdained the .
pleasures of the table, confining themselves to black bread and broth, 1’.
a violent contrast to the dining-hall of Nero, the ceiling of which was
inlaid with ivory, which slid back, and a rain of fragrant‘waters, or 5'
rose leaves, was showered on the heads of the carousers. The appoint- .
ments of a Hindoo’s table are simple, being the large leaves of the
banana, which are used in lieu of plates. Their fingers supply the
absence of knives and forks, while rice, curry, ghee, eggs, milk, fish and
fruits furnish all the food they care for.

COOKS IN ESTEEM

Cooks have, in all ages of the world, been held in high honor, and the
nation which has furnished some of the best is also noted for its
frugality in managing the culinary department of the household. It is
said that a family in France will live well upon what many an American
family wastes. »

Some of the most famous men have been epicures. It is related of
the orator Hortensius that he had a large fish pond in which he bred
fish for his table, and if one of them chanced to die, he shed tears. The
Romans bred oysters and snails to gratify their fastidious appetites,
and during that corrupt period there was a rage for rare and costly
food. One of the emperors served a dish of the tongues of 1,500 flamin-
goes, while peacocks’ tongues were esteemed a rare dish.

THE DINNER PARTY A FACTOR IN CIVILIZATION

Were the dinner party abolished, how much would be lost to Civiliza-
tion! How many great plans have been discussed, how many friend-
ships have been formed, and how many bright sayings and sparkling
thoughts have had their birth in the fostering influence of the dinner
table.

The great Talleyrand declared the dinner the best meal for transact-
ing business. Campaigns have been mapped out, and alliances between
nations cemented through these sociable gatherings of society.

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

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WAITING FOR THE HOSTESS
“Patience is bitter, but—its fruit is sweet.”

 

 

 

 

 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AFTERNOON CALLS

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—-LORD CHESTERFIELD.

 

 

FORMAL I)! N NERS . 181

THE CHEERFUL HOME DINNER

 

The home- dinner should he a most cheerful meeting of companion-
able and sprightly members, all interested in each other’s welfare,
f“ ready to contribute their quota to the general fund of enjoyment. The
dining-room should be made as bright and sunny as possible. The
mistress of the house may be troubled about many things, but she
should wear her pleasantest smiles at the table, that her husband and
children may be refreshed in spirit as well as body. The conversation
should be bright and cheery; the children can be taught many lessons of
etiquette that will serve them well in after years.

FORMAL DINNERS

The more formal dinners given by those who love to entertain
. should be made as elegant as possible. The first step is to study those
simple customs whose observance makes them charming. The finest
3. dressed man may be a boor at the table. Every dinner should be made
5' as good as possible, and this implies a goodly outlay of money, as well
as the expenditure of taste and time. If a hostess practices method in
her everyday dinners, if she has each one neatly prepared and well-
cooked, the giving of a larger and more ceremonious dinner will not
. cause her much more anxiety—only an extra amount of time to prepare
it, and the choice of a greater variety of dishes.

THE DINING-ROOM SHOULD BE CHEERFUL

The dining-room should be one of the best-lighted and most cheerful
apartments in the house. Size is another requisite. Bric—a-brac, scarfs
and much drapery are superfluous, as they are sadly in the way, if your
’ guests are many. A few pictures on the wall, a sideboard with its
sparkling glass and silverware, and a lounge and chairs are all that
are necessary as furnishings.

HAVE A GOOD TABLE

The table should be firm and solid, and not so shaky that the guests
fear some catastrophe. The extension table of ordinary size, with two

182 DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

leaves added, will seat twelve persons. You cannot well seat more, on
account of the large dining chairs now used. Cane-seat chairs should
never be used in the dining-room. They catch beads and fringes and
play sad havoc with them. The perforated wood ones are equally bad.
The brass-headed nails with which they are fastened seize a lady’s
clothes worse than the cane, and many a delicate fabric has been ruined
by them. Chairs upholstered with leather are the nicest, but oak chairs
with high backs are deservedly popular, and are the most liked.

THE DISHES SHOULD SHINE

The table should be set with dishes that shine. When china or glass
has the least roughness to the touch, it is an indication that it has not
been thoroughly washed. The table linen at dinner should be snowy
white, and smoothly ironed. There are some very beautiful effects in
cream, or white with colored borders, that may be used in the place of
white, if the taste inclines to them. A cloth of cotton flannel or baize
should be laid under the table-cloth, to serve as a protection from the V;
heat of the dishes, as also to prevent that noisy clatter which is so ,T
disagreeable.

Glass water-bottles (carafes) with dishes of cracked ice should be
within reach of every guest.

NAPKIN RINGS NOT USED

Napkin rings should never be used, save in the strict privacy of it;
home; for it is an open secret that the use of a napkin ring suggests the
repetition of the use of the napkin-51 practice highly improper with
guests.

FLORAL DECORATIONS
Flowers are a great addition to the beauty of a table, and where they

can be had, are as suitable for the family table as the more formal one.
In the latter they are indispensable.

 

 

 

, The dishes may be fewer at the home dinner. Let the guest whom

you have invited feel that you are not making an extra effort in his
behalf, else will he feel uncomfortable. On the contrary, let him see ’

 

 

 

SELECTION OF GUESTS. 183

that you are dispensing your everyday hospitality, and that he is
heartily welcome. As an eminent authority on housekeeping says:

“Let no one suppose that, because she lives in a small house and
dines on homely fare, the general principles here laid down do not apply
to her. A small house is more easily kept clean than a. palace. Taste
may be quite as well displayed in the arrangement of dishes on a pine
table as in grouping the silver and china of the rich. Skill in cooking
is as readily shown in a baked potato or johnny-cake as in a canvas-
back duck. The charm of good housekeeping lies in a nice attention to
little things, not in a superabundance.” '

SELECTION OF GUESTS

Great tact is necessary in choosing the guests for an informal dinner.
It is so difficult to select those who will harmonize. As the intercourse
is free, and social, only agreeable elements should be brought together.
The important dishes are put on the table, and the hostess can dish
out the soup and the host can carve. A French roll should be folded
in each napkin. If there is only one servant to wait on the guests, she
should be carefully trained beforehand, so that no awkward mistakes
will be made. The plates should be hot, as any dinner is spoiled if hot
meat is put on a cold plate, and the servant should have a napkin around
her thumb, that her hands may not come in contact with the dishes.
Before serving the dessert the table should be cleared of everything
but the fruit and flowers, and the crumbs brushed onto a tray with a
brush or crumb-scraper—the latter is the best, because usually the
neatest. The plates, knives, spoons and forks may then be laid at each
plate for dessert. S

COURSES FOR A SMALL PARTY

A dinner for a few friends can consist of the following courses:
First, soup, then fish, a roast, with two kinds of vegetables, and lastly
salad, cheese, a dessert of pudding and coffee. Apples and nuts may
be brought. on, also. A dinner of these materials, Well cooked and
served up with neatness and promptness, is ample unless the occasion is
a very elaborate one. It is not elaborate dishes that please most, but.

18:1. DINA/1.5165 AND LUNCHEONS.

the simple hospitality and unaffected heartiness of the host and hostess
\that give zest to the food set before the guests.

The glass-ware should be sparkling, the dishes polished to the
highest degree. Unless they are carefully washed and rinsed they will
have a sticky feeling, which makes a fastidious person feel uncomfort-
able. A well-set table is appetizing. It is a truth that the eye should
be gratified as well as the palate.

DO NOT KEEP YOUR HOSTESS WAITING

Promptness at the dinner table is one of the first essentials. Be
punctual to the minute. In the hall the gentleman will find a card with
his name and that of the lady whom he is to take in to dinner, also a
small buttonhole bouquet. If he does not chance to know her, he asks
the hostess to present him. Seven o’clock is the regulation hour for a
dinner party.

A gentleman is never invited to one without his wife, nor a lady
without her husband, unless the husband or wife be out of the city.

Dinner is ready when the last guest arrives, and the butler makes his
announcement. The host goes first with the lady to whom the dinner
is given, and the hostess follows with a gentleman whom she desires to
honor. This is the rule for a ceremonious dinner. The table is laid
with a bewildering array of glass goblets, wine glasses, forks, knives
and spoons, and a majolica. plate, holding oysters on the half shell, with
a piece of lemon on the plate. The napkin, folded neatly, holds a dinner
roll, which each guest removes at once. Small forks are at the right of
the plates for the oysters. After the oysters are eaten, two kinds of soup
are passed, a white and a brown soup. .

The openwork table-cloth on a red ground, the silver trays, with
vases of crystal, filled with fruit and flowers, the silver-gilt vases full
of bonbons and the gorgeous lamps form a picture of beauty, which
impresses itself upon the beholder.

SERVING THE FOOD

At an informal dinner the food may be all placed upon the table at
once before the family is seated, or, where there is a servant, she should

 

 

 

 

 

 

CARI/INC. 185

bring in the courses in their order. The English style is a very good

one. All the dishes of a course are brought in at once, and those which

are to be carved are removed to a side-table, where a servant performs

that duty. ‘
CARVING

If the carving is to be done at the table,‘the host must attend to it.
He should be prepared with a sharp knife and strong fork. The steel
should be banished from the table; it is supposed that he did all the
sharpening before dinner was ready, and it certainly is not pro-
ductive of much pleasure to sit patiently waiting to be served while the
host is whetting his knife. He should always sit while carving. He
also indicates who is to receive the first plate. The person receiving it
should keep it, and pass the plates on as they are designated. When
one is to help himself from a dish, he should do so before offering it to
a neighbor. . ‘

THE. USE OF A NAPKIN

Lay the napkin across the lap, instead of tucking it in at the neck.

At a formal dinner do not fold the napkin when finished, but leave it
lying loosely beside the plate. Napkins should never be starched. It
is an idea which doubtless originated in hotels, where the waiters are
very fond of twisting them into fantastic shapes. Table linen should be
of as fine linen as consistent with means. Paper napkins are only suit-
able for lawn parties or picnics.

USE OF THE KNIFE

Cut the food with the knife, but convey it to the mouth with the
fork. Do not overload this little implement, but merely take as much
upon it as you can hold with ease. The fork held in the right hand
should be used for eating watermelons, salads, cheese, pastry and all
made dishes.

EATING FRUIT

It is quite the thing to eat oranges, canteloupes, etc., with a spoon.

 

186 DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

The side of the spoon should he used in carrying soup to the mouth. But
beware, lest you make that disagreeable sound in partaking of it, which
is not only offensive to the ear, but is a positive rudeness.

In eating grapes, cherries, and fruits with pits, do not eject them
from the mouth, but remove them to the little plates provided for that
purpose with the hand or spoon.

FINGERS CAN BE USED

There are many vegetables and fruits which are eaten in which
the fingers play an important part. Among them is the artichoke.
Which is taken with the fingers, as is also celery. Asparagus may be
taken in the fingers. ‘

Hard cheese is broken with the fingers. Nearly all other vegetables
are eaten with the fork.

HOW TO EAT GREEN CORN

Green corn is a problem, some eating it from the cob, others calling
it a barbarous custom. It is the proper way, however; and we are
borne out by the usages of good society.

Croquettes, patties, etc., are eaten with a fork.

THE SPOON

Strawberries are eaten with a fork unless served with cream, but in
Europe, where they are much less lavish with them, they are passed
around on the stem, and each berry is dipped into sugar as it is eaten.

A spoon is used in eating Roman punch. ‘ Ices are sometimes eaten
with a fork, but oftener with a spoon.

In eating lettuce, the knife and fork must both be used if the leaf is
large, but the fork must convey it to the mouth. A piece of bread may
be used in gathering the lettuce upon the fork.

With salad, bread, butter and cheese are served, and a knife and
fork are important. It is in bad form to cut up salad very fine on one’s
plate. Let that be done, if at all, before it is brought to the table.

Olives may be placed on the table before the guests arrive, or they

 

 

 

 

 

EATING EGGS. 187

may be brought on after the soup is served. They may be taken with
a spoon from the dish in which they are served, and eaten with a fork
or with the fingers. It is considered equally proper to eat them either
way.

(fanned tomatoes, corn, etc., are eaten with a spoon usually, although
with the growing use of the fork some people now use that.

Pine-apple is cut with the knife and conveyed to the mouth with a
fork.

A silver knife is used in eating apples and other pared fruits. They
are peeled, cut into quarters, and eaten with the fingers usually, but if
the fruit is very juicy, like Some pears, it is better to use a fork. It is
always better to use a fork, even at the peril of seeming affected, than
to offend the taste of another by using the fingers, as some careless
people often do. A steel knife is never used in eating fruit, because the
juice stains the steel, and it gives an unpleasant flavor to the fruit. But
the steel knife and fork are coming into use with meats, as being much
more useful than the edgeless silver knife.

Oranges are peeled and separated into their natural sections,
although they are sometimes cut instead. They are often pared with
a spoon by foreigners. To eat an orange gracefully requires some
practice and skill.

Bananas are peeled and eaten with a fork.

EATING EGGS

Eggs that are boiled in the shell should be placed in an egg cup,
the shell broken at one end, and then eaten from the shell.

Bread can be laid on the table-cloth by the, side of the plate and
carried to the mouth in small pieces. Break with the fingers.

THE CEREMONIOUS DINNER

The ceremonious dinner demands much more preparation and care
than the simple family gathering. The invitations to such dinners are
sent out a week previous. These read thus:

 

188 ' DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.’

Mr. and Mrs. Fred Huntress
request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. James Weston’s company
at dinner on Wednesday, March 10th,
at seven o’clock.

ANSWERING INVITATIONS

An invitation of this sort must be responded to at once, accepting
or declining. In the latter event, the cause should be stated plainly.
If sudden illness or any other emergency arises to prevent attendance
after the invitation has been accepted, word should be sent to the
hostess, even if but a few minutes before the hour appointed.

ANNOUNCING DINNER

The dinner prepared, and the guests arrived, properly introduced
to escorts, the servant quietly announces that dinner is ready, when the
host offers his arm to the oldest lady, or to the one in Whose honor the
dinner is given, the hostess following with the most honored gentleman.
:The younger guests permit the older ones to precede them. The host
and hostess may sit at the two ends of the table, or opposite each other
in the middle of the table. Each lady sits at the right of her escort.

OYSTERS—HOW SERVED

Raw oysters are served on shell or plates, and placed before the
guests are seated. If oysters cannot be obtained they can be omitted
and the first course may then be soup. All are not fond of soup, but
those Who are not should not decline it, but make a pretense of par-
taking of it. Those who are fond of it must never ask for a second sup—
ply, and the plate must not be tilted.

REFUSING WINE

If the host provides wine, you can refuse it without giving ofiense.
When Wine is served in goblets, the. glass is held by the stem.

EADIE‘S LEAVING THE TABLE

At a sign from the hostess, the ladies all rise from the table, and

 

 

 

 

LADIES’ TOILETS. 189 J

repairing to the drawing-room for their coffee, leave the gentlemen to
% their own devices. ' But it is a healthy sign that the gentlemen soon
E follow them. In France the gentlemen and ladies all leave the dinner
E
:5

 

table together, as indeed they do here, at an informal or family dinner.

Whether an invitation to a dinner is accepted or not, all those invited
should make an after-dinner call within a very short time after the
5 entertainment. Sending a card is not a sufficient acknowledgment of
an invitation to a. dinner.

LADIES? TOILET‘S

Ladies’ toilets for evening dinner can be very elegant, while the
gentlemen may appear in full dress. Gloves are, removed at the table,
and are not replaced. These formal dinners are usually given in the

evening.

A GOOD NUMBER AT‘ TABLE

”magmnha l .V. , a s, .~ .l._ ...,'.;..

_ Ten is a very good number to seat at dinner. Some people foolishly
fear the dreaded thirteen. It is a’superstition which probably has its
rise in the fact that at the Last Supper there were thirteen. Many
firmly believe that should this number meet at table, one of the coin-
pany will die before the expiration of the year—an idea. which has no
foundation in fact.

Guests should be prompt, arriving at least ten minutes before the
hour set for dining. Fifteen minutes is the limit of time allowed for
‘ the hostess to keep the remainder of the guests waiting the arrival of
a tardy one. ,i
“All remain standing until the hostess is seated, when they take ‘
the seats assigned to them. This is usually indicated by a, card (the guest
card) laid at each place, on which is the name of the person for whom
that seat is designed. Many fanciful designs are often prepared for ‘
these cards. They may be hand-painted, with figures of flowers, land- /
scapes or birds, or have beautiful etchings, or bronze and silver ferns, or
have some design in consonance with the giving of the dinner}?

 

\ e .

macaw“- = ..

190 DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

WHAT A HOSTESS SHOULD AVOID

A hostess must never lose her self-possession. She should never re-
prove servants before others, as the occasion should be made as pleasant
as possible. She should never allow her plate to be removed until all
the guests have finished eating.

THE HOST’S DUTIES

“The host must be ever on the alert to assist the hostess. He must
watch the conversation, suggest new topics when it flags, direct it
away from unpleasant topics, draw out the reticent and encourage the
shy. He must always aim to bring out others, while he should never
shine supreme at his own table. He should possess a knowledge of the
world that nothing can surprise, and a calmness and suavity that noth-
ing can ruflie. As far as possible the wants of all should be antici-
pated.”

On leaving, each guest should express the pleasure which has been
received in a very few words.

LUNCHEONS

Luncheons are such social affairs that they are very popular with
many ladies who dread the ceremony of a dinner, and yet who desire
to entertain their friends. Any meal between the regular ones is called
a luncheon, and the invitations may be by card, or even verbally. The
luncheon is, however, strictly given by women to women. There is a
fine opportunity for the display of handsome china, pretty centerpieces
and embroidered linen.

Luncheons given in honor of some distinguished person may be
made very elaborate.

INVITE AS MANY AS YOU CHOOSE

Any number of guests may be invited, and if the ladies outnumber
the gentlemen it does not matter. Generally there are no gentlemen
at all, as these luncheons are day-time afiairs, when men are engaged
in business.

There is scarcely any formality observed.

 

 

 

BILL OF FARE. 191
WEARING HATS AT TABLE

Hats and bonnets may be worn to the table at the hotel, an informal

if; luncheon, and must alw ays be worn at a restaurant.
5.

 

BILL OF FARE

, The bill of fare may be varied. Cold meats, tea and coffee, with loaf
5, cake, puddings, ice-cream and tarts are usual, though some have hot
: meats served. Salads, oysters, game can be added, or the fare may
consist merely of tea or chocolate, thin slices of bread and butter, and .

chipped beef or cold tongue. 5

Music and conversation follow the lunch. . .

Calls are made after a luncheon the same as after a dinner.

When a luncheon is intended to be very fashionable, flowers must
be in evidence in abundance, and each dish is served as a separate
course. The toilets of the guests are very stylish, and everything is in
keeping. The rooms are darkened, and artificial lighting is resorted to. ,

The luncheon is a. very pleasant and simple way of paying one’s I
debts in the matter of entertaining, and is exceedingly popular.

The form of invitation is as follows:

Mrs. Frank M. White

Requests the pleasure of ,5

Mrs. James Delbridge’s company at 5:
Luncheon,

Tuesday, June 17, at two o’clock.

62 Elizabeth St. 53

The bill of fare which we append is designed for a very elaborate
entertainment:

 

Raw oysters on half-shell.
Bouillon.
Vols-au-vent of Sweet-breads.
Lamb-chops, Tomato Sauce.
Chicken Croquettes, French Peon.
Salad of Lettuce.
Neufchatel Cheese, Milk Wafers toasted.
Chocolate Bavarian cream, moulded in small cups, with a spoonful of
Peach Marmalade on each plate.

Vanilla Ice-Cream, Fancy Cakes. ,5
Fruit. :
Coffee. ‘

 

 

 

 

 

 

192 ' DINNERS AND LUNCHEONS.

GOOD WILL

    
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
   

Entertaining another at dinner is a sign of good will, hence all
slander and abuse to any onepartaking of hospitalities in is the poorest I;
of form.

“Entertaining is the finest of all the fine arts,” says Lillian Whiting
in “The World Beautiful,” “and it cannot be done by proxy. It 3
cannot be done by the cook, nor yet by the decorator. The hostess can- "
not order it from the florist, nor the caterer, nor the professional ‘per— "
former,’-—-whether of music or Delsarte recitals. To depend upon these
shows a poverty of resources. And more than all, and above all, every ;
entertainment, whether informal or ceremonial, may well be based on”:
the spirit of those words: ‘Better a dinner of herbs where love is than
a stalled ox and hatred therewith.’ Let the hostess give her guests her
personal interest, her warm friendship, her sympathetic comprehen-
sion, and she will have then mastered the delicate and subtle art of '
entertaining.” '

t f)

CHAPTER XX.
ETIQUETTE AT THE TABLE

   

“There are not unfreqaenfly substantial reasons underneath for customs

that appear to as absm'c .”
r -——CHARLOTTE BRONTE.

 

O surer gauge of the native refinement of any person Can be found
N than the manners which they show at the table. It is in?
cumbent upon parents to train their children in those niceties of
" etiquette which will grow with their growth, and make their progress

5, through life easy.

a:

CHILDREN SHOULD BE INSTRUCTED

”:4

Children should be early brought to the table with their elders, that
Is they may benefit by association with those Whose manners are fixed.
By such association they will acquire an ease and readiness which will
serve them well when they in turn become entertainers in their after life.

POLITENESS TO ALL

( w: ./ 2.5-. i . E . ,_.. ‘

Tar” ”as“; - :r

The enjoyment of the family meal is greatly enhanced when each
'. member is polite and attentive to the others; when parents and children
are cheerful, agreeable and look after each other’s comfort.

CHILDREN ALLOWED TO TALK AT TABLE

The children in a household should be encouraged to talk, but not
‘6 permitted to show off, and say smart things. There is a great tempta-
E tion on the part of fond parents to tell the bright sayings and doings
: of their ofispring to strangers, in their presence; this should never be
‘ indulged in, as it makes the little one have an undue idea of its own
i: importance, and is annoying to strangers, who, although they may be
’partial to a bright child, do not want to hear its praises sounded
' continually.

\mthwm ,, i a

AMEWT

193

  

 

194 ‘ ETIQUETTE AT THE TABLE.
MANNERS‘OF THE LITTLE ONES

Children should wait quietly, until their elders are served. This
will be difiicult for them, for nearly all children are gifted with healthy .3
appetites, but if the habit of waiting is enforced, it will become easy
and habitual. I“

Require them in asking for an article out of their reach to preface
the request with, “Please pass me the salt,” and also to call the one ;~.
whom they address by his name, as “Mr. Willis, will you please pass :7
the salt?” When they are invited to have more of an article, which they ,
do not desire, they should answer politely, “I do not wish any more,
thank you.” The youngest child can be taught these simple rules.

LOUD TALKING PROHIBITED

Loud talking on their part should be prohibited, as also interrupting
conversation. They should not whisper, however, or glance around i
the table and giggle. Neither should an older child reprove the wee
ones aloud for any breach of good manners, or direct the attention of
the mother to it in the presence of others. A look, or low-spoken word
will remind the offending one and Save it mortification. F

WHEN CHILDREN LEAVE THE TABLE

If children are compelled to leave the table before the rest of the -
family, so as to reach school, they should rise quietly, ask to be excused

‘ and leave the apartment so as not to disturb the others. Do not allow

them to leave the table for play, and then return to finish the meal.

DO NOT LET‘ THEM EIAT GREEDILY

They should not eat greedily, cramming their mouths full, nor smack
their lips, tilt their chairs back, or drop their knives carelessly on the ,
tablecloth. The knife and fork should be laid across the plate, with ,
the handles to the right, when the meal is finished.

GROWN PEOPLE AT FAULT

While children’s manners are thus alluded to, we regret to say that

 

BEGGING COMPLIMENTS. 195

they are not the sole violators of good-breeding. To any one who

:: observes much, it is astonishing that so many well-dressed people, who

seem to know so much, are so shockingly rude at the table. Some people
are guilty of acts which are revolting.

BEGGING COMPLIMENT’S

Don’t solicit compliments for your food, by laying stress upon the
care with which it is prepared. If it is good, the guest will not be
slow in complimenting you, although this should be done without
approaching to flattery. It is quite proper to speak words of praise
regarding some. especial dish. Say nothing about the food you set before
your guest; but by its abundance and the welcome you give him he will
measure its value.

REFUSING AN ARTICLE Olj‘ FOOD

If a guest does not care for a. certain article on the table, or for
some reason does not wish to partake of it, he should not refuse it by
stating that “Cheese don’t agree with me,” or “I can’t endure tomatoes,”
but simply say—“I do not care for any, thank you.” We well remember
the horror and disgust with which an apparently well-bred lady filled
her listeners at the table by declining a certain dish with the assertion
that “It took too long to digest, and her doctor had forbidden it.”

RUDENESS AT TABLE

There are many little rudenesses which can be perpetrated at the
table, and which a little thought would instinctively pronounce Offen-
sive. Among these are coughing or breathing into your neighbor’s face;

A fidgeting in your seat, or moving about restlessly; drumming upon the

table with your fingers; whispering confidentially with your neighbor;
emphasizing your remarks by flourishing your fork, to the risk of his
eyes; leaning the elbows upon the table; standing up and reaching
across the table in place of requesting that What you want be passed
you. All these acts of ill-breeding or thoughtlessness we have seen
perpetrated by those who should know better.

 

 

 

 

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' 196 ETIQUETTE AT TH}; TABLE.
MANNERS AT TABLE

Sit upright at the table without bending over or lowering your head
to partake of your food. Do not sit either too far away or too near the
table. Don’t sit with one arm lying on the table, your back half turned
to your left-hand neighbor, While you eat with a voracity that is only
equaled by those who are much at railroad eating-houses, Where “ten
minutes for lunch” is the rule.

When oysters are served for the first course, it is proper to com-
mence eating at once. Oyster soup may be eaten from the point of the
spoon, but do not make a hissing sound while eating it. Other soups
must be taken from the side of the spoon. I

If you do not like soup, allow it to remain untouched until the
servant removes it. '

Keep your mouth closed as much as possible while you are masti-
( eating your food. ’

THINGS TO AVOID

Do not eat onions or garlic before going into company. They may
be very healthful, but they are also very disagreeable. We have known
a fair young lady to perfume a whole car with them.

Do not talk loudly and boisterously, but be cheerful and companion-
able, not monopolizing the conversation, but joining in it. Never butter
3. slice of bread and bite into it like a hungry school-boy, and do not
cut the slice into halves or quarters with your knife, but break off a
piece, when wanted, and then butter and eat_it. Do notbreak the
bread or crackers into your soup. ,,

Do not twirl a. goblet, or rattle the knife and fork, or show anything ‘9
which looks like eagerness to commence the meal.

Bones and fragments should be deposited on the little bone plates,
so as not to soil the tablecloth. If you by accident spill coffee or tea, ..
do not apologize. It is understood that you did not do it intentionally. ,.
The servant should at once spread a clean napkin over the stain.

Never turn tea or coffee into your saucer to cool it. If you wish a
second cup, place the spoon in the saucer before passing it to be refilled.

 

    

Do not stand a‘ dripping cup on the tablecloth. Never ‘blow soup to
make it cool.
‘ It is very rude to pick your teeth at the table after a meal is com-
.» pleted.
Napkins are used to wipe the lips and fingers, not to mop the fore-

head. _
Unfold your nap-kin below the level of the table, and do not tuck it
under the chin or in the vest. When you .have finished eating, leave
the napkin unfolded, at the side of your plate.

Never put your own knife, fork or spoon into a dish from which
others are to be helped.

When passing your plate to be helped the second time, be sure to
leave the knife and fork on the plate, and the gentleman next you must
wait until it is returned before resuming eating. ‘

DRESS FOR THE OCCASION

The table being a meeting place where everything should be con-
ducive to good manners, a gentleman should never appear in shirt
sleeves. If it is excessively warm and he wishes to enjoy the freedom
of his own home table, he can don a light coat of seersucker, farmer’s
satin, or similar material; but in public he will always retain the coat

which he wears through the day, save, of course, on dress occasions, of,

which we have spoken elsewhere.
A lady should observe the same care in her dress. Untidy hair and
dirty nails are especially repellant.

SERVING AT TABLE

The one who serves at table should not help too abundantly, or flood
3: food with gravy. Many do not like it; and it is better to- allow each
guest to help himself to that. Water is poured at the right of a guest
fly -——everything else is passed from the left.
” When the host is carving at a family table, it is not expected that
you will wait for all to be served before beginning to eat. A person
should never be asked if he wishes more potato, or more meat, but rather
some potato, some meat.

 
  
 

DRESS FOR THE OCCASION. , , 197

 

 

 

198 ETIQUETTE AT THE TABLE.

When you have passed a plate up to the carver, do not eat, but wait ,,

till the plate is returned. .
Do not watch the dishes as they are uncovered, or talk with the
'mouth full.
If you discover something objectionable in the food do not attract
the attention of others to it, but quietly deposit it under the edge of
your plate.

DO NOT SOP GRAVY, ETC.

Never sop up your gravy or preserves with bread. And do not scrape
your plate so as to obtain the last bit, or drink as though you were
dying of thirst. It is quite an art to drink gracefully. Don’t throw
your head back and raise the glass perpendicularly, but carry the glass
to your lips, and by lifting it to a slight angle you easily drain its
contents. . '

Be careful not to stretch your feet across the room, under the table.
It is very disagreeable to be kicked, even accidentally.

In leaving the table, if business or an engagement compels you to,
excuse yourself. It is only in hotels or boarding-houses that this is
permitted to pass unnoticed.

It is rude to handle the bread or cake which is offered you. Only
touch the piece which you intend to eat. .

Never carry fruit or confectionery away from the table. Eat all ,
you wish while there.

Do not get up from your chair to reach anything on the table, and
do not reach across others.

It is etiquette to take the last piece on the plate.

Ice cream is eaten with the pretty little ice-cream forks in vogue, 1
but there is no offence against good manners if you use a spoon.

WHO SHOULD BE SERVED FIRST'

It'is understood in all polite society that the ladies should be served ., .
first. An authority says on this point: ‘
“There is difference of opinion as to who should be first served at “

 

 

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\

PASSING ARTICLES ON THE ‘TABLE.

table, many insisting that the old fashion of serving the hostess first
should be continued; but as this originated in the days when people .
were in the habit of poisoning guests by the wholesale, as a convenient
way of ridding themselves and the world of them, there seems to be ~
no reason why it should be observed now. Then guests preferred that
the hostess should show her confidence in the viands set before them
before partaking themselves; but the natural instincts of propriety
seem to indicate that the most honored guest, that is, the lady-at the
right of the host, should be first served.”

PASSING ARTICLES ON THE TABLE

A gentleman seated by a lady or an elderly person passes the water
or whatever may be required by his neighbor at the table. Ladies per-
form the same service for any one at a public table, even though they»
may be strangers.

DO NOT READ AT TABLE

Never bring a book or paper or a letter to the table to read. It is ‘
allowable at a hotel or restaurant, where you are not anxious to form
promiscuous acquaintances, but among friends, the gaps should be filled
in by cheerful conversation.

Separate fish bones before eating, but should one get into the mouth
remove it by placing the napkin before the mouth.

Everything that it is possible to cut or break with a. fork should be
eaten without a knife. Do not overload the fork. And never put the
knife into the mouth. \

OBJECTING TO WINE

Should you 'have scruples about taking wine at dinner, it is not
necessary to‘enter into an explanation and thus bring around your

‘ unfortunate head a veritable “hornet’s nest” of ridicule and argument

from unthinking people. Merely decline it, in a quiet and respectful‘
manner. Those whose opinion is worth having will see nothing Sin-
gular in the fact that you do not use wine. '

    

1199 U

 

 

,"

,7‘290 ; ' . EIIQUETTE AT THE TABLE

Lift yOur glass, if you do use it, by the stem. Tumblers can be held;
1 with the hand near the bottom.

Elatslowly, as a measure of health, as well as manners.
LET YOUR PLATE BE PALATABLE-LOOKING

Do not mix your food on your plate with the knife. It looks as
though you set no score by the nice care with which the various articles
had been prepared. It were all the same to you, whether it were fish
or fowl—it was only made to be devoured, not eaten.

Do not handle knife, fork or anything else on the table.

PARING FRUIT

Never pare fruit for a lady unless asked to do so, and then hold it
upon the fork which belongs to her. Apples should be pared with
silver fruit knives, and quartered and each slice carried to the mouth
‘on the point of the knife. Still, there are many well-bred people who
only enjoy apples when they can eat them as they did in their child-
hood’s days, without the aid of a knife orvf'ork.

When gentlemen remain at the table, they rise and remain standing
until the ladies have all passed out. If all leave the dining-room to-
gether, the ladies pass out in a body, first.

 

 

 

CHAPTER XXI.
RECEPTIONS, LECTURES, CHURCH, ETC

“To love the public, to study universal good and to promote the interest
of the whole world, as far as lies within our power, is the height of good-
ness, and makes that temper which we call divine.”

-—SHAFTESBURY.

     
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  

  

T IS undoubted-

ly true that the ‘
taste for social amuse- ‘
ments is happily grow-
ing yearly. We have
been charged as a nation with hav-
ing too few holidays, but that the
list is extending no one can doubt,
who numbers those offered by so-
ciety to its votaries, and is suffi-
ciently extensive to embrace all
ages and all tastes.

FIVE O’CLOCK TEAS

These teas are informal. Few
guests are invited, ard the cards of
invitation sent out are mere-
ly a visiting card with the
words “Five. o’clock tea”
added in the left hand corner.
The refreshments are not
elaborate, as those who at-

 

  

 

 

 

 

/ _

2,02 , ‘RECEPTIONS, LECTURES, CHURCH, ETC.

tend these affairs do not usually care for eating and drinking so much as
they do for conversation and social intercourse.

A M USICALE

This-entertainment is rather difficult, as its success depends wholly
upon the appearance of the artists whose names appear upon the
programme. Often the hostess is compelled to use professional talent,
as amateur performers are so apt to disappoint her.

Guests should arrive early, so that there will be no noise or con-
fusion after the numbers have been commenced. The musicale is ordi- -
narily held in the afternoon. The ladies can wear walking costumes.
It is not really a concert, for it has social features, as'a supper or colla-
tion is served to the guests when it is held in the evening. At an
evening musicale, evening dresses are worn by both ladies and gen-
tlemen. ' _

Large rooms are necessary, so that singers and players can be heard
to good advantage and there will be no over-crowding on the part of
those attending. All extra furniture should be removed, and drapery
serves to weaken the efiect.

The programmes are sometimes written, sometimes engraved on
dainty cards, and often hand-painted and decked with bows of narrow
ribbon. Eleven pieces make a sufiiciently long programme—and may
be vocal, or vocal and instrumental combined. The invitations to any
entertainment must be answered at once, that the hostess may know
how many to expect, and fill the places of those who cannot be present.

LUNCHEON

Luncheon proper is entirely a ladies’ afi'air, and gentlemen. are
‘not invited as a rule. The food is often served in a very ceremonious
manner, and the table is laid with great elegance.

The forms observed are similar to those for dinners.

A menu something after the following is in good taste:

Grape Fruit.

 

Nut Soup.

 

 

THE LUNCH. ' 203

Celery.

 

 

Chicken Croquettes.
New Potatoes in Cream.
Scalloped Corn.

Olives.

 

 

Waldorf Salad.
Cheese Wafers.

 

Strawberry Ice Cream.
Stone Wall Cake.

 

Coffee.

 

Confectionery.
INFORMAL ENTERTAINMENTS

Croquet, lawn-tennis and golf parties are informal ways of enter-
tainment. Dresses must be simple and suitable for outdoor sport.

After the game a simple lunch to which friends are invited is appro-
priate but .not necessary. Refreshments are served cold; guests sit

' where they please.

THE \EVENING PARTY

\

The party held in the evening may be either very elaborate or simple
in its details, in keeping with the ambition and means of its giver.
Having decided upon the amount of outlay, and selected the guests to
be invited, invitations should be issued ten days previous to the party.
This is a good form:

MRWAND MRS. JOHN MONTGOMERY
request the pleasure of your presence
on Wednesday evening,
J anuary' 4th, at eight o’clock.
16 Euclid Avenue.
Dancing at 10.

THE INVITATION

I

This invitation should be engraved on small-sized notepaper, and

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204 V RECEPTIONS, LECTURES, CHURCH, ETC. ‘

may be forwarded by mail. The parents and all the younger members
of the family should receive separate invitations.
A reply from those receiving invitations should be returned at once:

Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott accept with pleasure Mr. and Mrs. John
‘ Montgomery’s invitation for January 4th.

19 Harrison St.
DECLINING AN INVITATION

If it is necessary to decline an invitation it should be in the follow-
ing terms:
Mr. and Mrs. Horace Elliott regret that they cannot accept Mr. and

:Mrs. John Montgomery’s kind invitation for January 4th, owing to
absence from home (or sickness in the family).

19 Harrison St.

NAMING YOUR REASONS

It is absolutely necessary that you Should name your reasons for
declination, especially if the invitation be the first one received from
that source. You should call on the friends who sent you the invitation,
Whether you attended the party or not, a few days after it has taken
place. It is a social debt which you owe them.

_INVITING HUSBAND AND WIFE

When a husband is invited, the Wife must be included, and vice
versa. Either will resent an affront of this nature put upon the other.
It is no excuse that you are not. “much acquainted” or “do not like her.”
They both belong in the same circle, and it is your business to know and
receive both together. ‘

DANCING

Dancing does not always form part of the entertainment at evening
parties. There may be conversation, cards, games, or music alone pro-
vided. kWhere dancing does not constitute the main pleasure, these
may also be added, for even in fashionable society all do not dance.

 

 

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DANCING—WHEN T0 ARRIVE. ' 205

WHEN T0 ARRIVE

The hour for arriving, as also for departure, should be moderately
early. In this country, where nearly all are engaged in business, it is
wise and proper to keep more temperate hours than are kept by the

' leisure classes abroad, to whom night is nearly as day.

PROVIDING SUPPER

A supper is always provided, and the arrangement of the table

’ should be in good taste. Of the conduct at supper, we cannot dobetter

than to quote from a well-known authority on matters of etiquette, who
says:

“It is ill-bred to eat largely at the supper. To say nothing of the
ruinous effect of gorging at late hours, it is in bad taste. The ball and
evening party are social afiairs, and feasting‘merely incidental. To
reverse the conditions is ill-bred. To drink to excess is worse than ill-
bred, and even the temperate and total-abstinents will do well to talk
and dance with extra caution after supper, as any license of speech or
act may be attributed to the wine which has stolen away brain and self-
control at the same time. No well-bred hostess can forgive any such
abuse of her hospitality.” '

PINK TEAS

“Pink teas” or “dinners” being still popular and enjoyable, we will
refer to them in passing. They are so-called from the fact that all the
table linen, dishes, ornaments, etc,., are of one colon—as “pink” or “blue,”
according as they are designated.

CHOOOLA TAIRE

Is of recent introduction. The only claim it has to novelty, however,
is the fact that the drink is chocolate, and everything served must con-
tain chocolate, as chocolate wafers, chocolate cake, et.c., chocolate lemon-
ade in hot weather, and chocolate caramels, and chocolate bonbons are
passed in dainty bonbon baskets.

 

206 . RECEPTIONS, LECTURES, CHURCH, ETC.

The cards are premsely the same as those sent out for teas, only the
word chocolataire is substituted in the left hand corner. ,
ometimes this entertainment is given as a church or charitable
affair, and then the cards are unnecessary. Additions can be made to
the articles dispensed, but all must have chocolate as their principal
ingredient.

GOING TO CHURCH

There are many delightful entertainments given by church people,
which are attractive to the young. The opinions of the teachers of the
Gospel have undergone considerable modification .Within the past ten
years, and they now claim that innocent recreation can be combined
with religious instruction to the great benefit of the members of the
church.

Sociables have been in vogue for many years, and have been pro-
ductive of much pleasure; but the field has widened now, and amateur
theatricals, charade parties, bazars, stereotyptic lectures, confined strict-
ly to their own members, and many other innovations,have been adopted.
Picnics and kindred gatherings have long been popular.

The attendant at divine service should always dress nicely, but never
in such brilliant colors as obtain at gay functions.

LECTURES

The etiquette of lectures demands that when an entrance is made
.after the speaker has begun, it should be done as noiselessly as possible,
so as not to divert the attention of the auditors. A loud, fussy entrance
is considered common indeed.

Do not talk to your companion while the lecturer is speaking, and
do not leave the hall until he has concluded.

A lecture affords plenty of opportunity for fine dressing, and great
latitude in this direction is allowed.

THE - OPERA;

Formerly, no lady would go to the opera save in a carriage; but
there are many who now adopt a simpler method of locomotion. But

.LECTURES—THE OPERA. ‘ 207

there is no place of amusement where the taste for elegant dressing can

be indulged in to such extent. The dress may be of light, bright colors,
with a profusion of flowers, or it may be of black lace with ornaments,
rich silks and velvets. Neither is it out of place to wear the tailor-
made suits. Americans have become so cosmopolitan in their tastes and
so sensible withal, that any lady may dress as she pleases at the opera
unless invited to help make up a theater party, in which case she
should dress in a most attractive manner. Jewelry is proper, and adds
to the stately picture afforded by the flashing lights, the sparkling
music and the gay assemblage.

Gentlemen may attend in full dress and should by all means if oc-
cupying a box.

REFRESHMENT'S AFTER THE OPERA

It is perfectly proper if one has time, to enter some first-class
refreshment parlor and partake of “soda,” an ice, bouillon, cocoa, coffee
or even sandwiches, oysters or other light refreshments, but it should
be done in a modest way, exciting no comment by display or loud
talking.

SOIREES

Soiree means an evening of bright conversation, freedom of dress,‘

supper and early hours. They are pleasant ways of entertaining in
an informal way-on these occasions gentlemen feel at home. There
need not necessarily be dancing, although it is not. out of place. More
often they are impromtu musicales or readings. Refreshments are
generally served in an informal manner—the guests frequently going
to the kitchen and assisting in the spread.

Soirées have grown to be quite “the thing” in larger places and
in many cases have become weekly affairs. They are introduced by
some one familysetting apart an evening and inviting some special
company for the occasion—later on it becomes generally known that

the home is open on these evenings to all intimate friends. In this way -

it becomes delightful to call, for all formality is dropped. , .
The soirée, if well managed, can become not only entertaining so-

 

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7:11:15: want of wealth need not become a drawback to hospit
To be sure, wealth can dazzle the eye and delight the senses, but man
511' humble home has entertained in a way that makes the entertain
talents of the New York “four hundred” insipid in comparison. Th,
bringing together of' the artist, the musician, the scholar, the studen ,
,1 the business and professional man, the farmer and the mechanic gives
{sympathetic and genial zest to life, that 1s hard to surpass; but the pre
tenders and adventurers, what shall We say of them? Far better leav1?
them out. There are scores of good, noble people who deserve th
hostess’ attention—and pretenders must learn sooner or later tha

/ ""1; genuineness only is worthy of recognition.

1

I

 

 

CHAPTER xxn. ‘

COSTUME PARTIES AND WHAT TO WEAR

“If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would he as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wish’d for come

And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.”
—SHAKESPEARE.

UBLICmasquerades have often been frowned upon because of the
license it gives to questionable persons. But private masquerade
parties, where the host and hostess invite their guests, are most Y

delightful afl’airs. The mystery surrounding the wearers of the masks,
the fanciful costumes worn, the efforts to preserve the illusions, all lend
a charm such as the ordinary party does not possess. The protection of
' home is thrown about the guests,

 
 
 
 
 
 
 

and a feeling of unrestraint follows.
There is also much Opportunity for
the exercise of wit and raillery 0n
the part of the mask-
ers. Sometimes the en-
tertainment is on so
large a scale
that the host-
T ess is com-
pelled to make
use of a public
'. hall to accom-
modate her
guests, but this
fact does not
take from it its
privacy.

 

 

I

210 COSTUME PARTIES AND WHAT TO WEAR.

PLANNING THE PARTY”

   
 
   
    

The care attending the planning of a masquerade is far greater than i
that of nearly all other entertainments, as the decorations are more :as

elaborate. If the entertainment be a dance, the invitations are issued .
a month in advance, because the costume to be worn demands thought.
This is usually left to the persons participating, but sometimes the
hostess maps out a costume scheme herself, allotting to each guest the 'I
character she Wishes them to assume.

Other hostesses issue invitations for a costume party and do not 7
require masks. Whenever masks are worn, they must be removed at
the hour for supper and frequently are removed long before. 3

CHOICE OF CHARACTERS

There are so many historical personages known.

 
 
 
  

to us, as well as'gypsies, fortune tellers, flower-girls, ‘
farmers, milkmaids and clowns, that it is no diflicult 7
matter to design a costume. There is a wide lati-E
tude for originality in designing the costumes ‘1
worn and by the exercise of taste and accu- _’
racy some beautiful and striking effects can L
be obtained.

The hostess may, with a View to the suc-
cess of her entertainment, select the costumes -
for a sufficient number of her particular ‘
friends to don, to insure success, leaving the
remainder of her guests to exercise their own .
fancies. One group might be arranged to,
typify the court of Napoleon the First; an-
other, of Irish peasants, etc.

INVITATIONS—HOW ISSUED. l

The invitation card should say:

 

 

 

HOW ,THE HOST AND HOSTESS DRESS. 211

Mr. and Mrs. Stephen Gregory request the pleasure of
Mr. and Mrs. Edward Raycroft’s company,
Wednesday evening, March nineteenth,
- at nine o’clock.
Masquerade.

If merely a “costume party,”
substitute the words “Costume
Party.” Sometimes it is not made
obligatory upon all to assume
characters, and then the words,
“Ordinary dress is permitted” are
added, which finds favor with
those who prefer to appear in their
own person.

HOW THE HOST AND HOST-
ESS DRESS

The host and hostess are in
fancy costume as are their daugh-

   

ers or nearest friends, who assist
them in receiving, and the etiquette ob-
served is precisely the same in every
particular. The room should be well
lighted, and gaily adorned.

The masquerade affords a never-ending '
amount of originality in the designing of the costume worn. As far as
possible novelty 1n this respect should be sought after. Mythical char-
acters are suitable. Representations of nature’s beauties are proper.
But whatever the imitation, it should be as true to the original in every
particular as is possible.

Church gatherings can be made very pleasant by an occasional cos-
tume social—the most frequent of these is the

NEW ENGLAND DINNER

served by the members dressed in the fashions of our grandfathers’

212 COSTUME PARTIES AND WHAT TO WEAR.

time. On such occasions no masks are needed} The New England
school is also a pleasant and amusing form of entertainment. In this 'r

case, the pupils should be dressed as boys and girls.

Among other entertainments which can take on life by the use of
costumes is that of cards, “Tiddledy Winks” and “Carroms.” By the
donning of costumes for one evening only, a wonderful impetus is given
to hospitality. No stiffness or formality can exist where these are in
vogue.

AUTHOR’S PARTY

Another interesting and instructive costume entertainment is that
of the author’s party—in which each person arrays himself in the dress

 
 
 
 
 
  
  
 
 
  
 

and uses in his conversation the best known quo-
tation from that author’s pen. As there are
numerous women writers and composers,

part with zest.
The above are simply sug-

gestions to be varied as cir-

mand.

VALENTINE PARTIES

day. It was the writer’s

an array of original de-

privilege to have been
present at a children’s
valentine party, on Feb-fl;

ruary 14, 1900, and such

 

 

 

of the strongest character of his favorite author ~5

the author’s party enables all to take

cumstance and occasion de-

 

Among the many occasions
for costume parties may be
mentioned that of Valentine ‘5

i
.:

signed frocks and gowns A)

was enough to remind?
one of Fairyland and:

&

 

 

 

COSTUME PARTY~REPRESENTING FARM LIFE

“The greatness that would make us grave,
Is but an empty mm;
What more than mirth would mortals have?
The cheerful man ’s a king.”
-—BICKERSTAF'.

  
 
 
   
   
   
        
 

This elaborate frock can be
made of inexpensive mate-
rial; Tarleton or cotton crape,
and paper flowers.

 

 

 

The wrap and muff
of this costume can be
made of White cotton

   
   

batting, flecked 'with . af/ktfittf )l’
black ink. \N1th 1t any :PiI/fiitgdf? ‘ )
elaborate skirt and bon— "L“ " 4 i ‘

net can be worn.

COSTUMES FOR A PARLOR MASQUERADE

VARIATION FOR A CHURCH SOCIAL. 215

Aladdin’s lamp. The boys were mostly dressed in white duck covered

, with heart-shaped valentines of red, gold and colors. The red ones were
made of Turkey red cloth, of all shapes and sizes, some with fringe, some
with daggers of gold run through them, while others were covered with
love’s sweet messages, as “Will you be mine?” “My heart is yours,” etc.,
etc. Some wore heart-shaped caps, others skull caps decorated with
daggers, and still others wore even more artistic and original headgear.
The girls assumed the characters of “Bo-peep,” “Little Miss Muffett,”
“Miss Jill” (and you may be sure Jack was quite proud of her), “Mrs.
Tom Tucker,” “Mrs. Jack Spratt” and others too numerous to mention.

VARIATION FOR A CHURCH SOCIAL

A most delightful variation in an evening’s entertainment is the
game known as Geography. Prizes can be given or not, as fancy dic-
tates, and from five persons to one hundred .can play it. The game
is planned and carried out as follows: The leader previously selects
the names of from ten to thirty cities, States, rivers or whatever geo-
graphical names he likes, and divides each into syllables or parts,
describing each syllable by telling what it is, where it can be found,
its meaning or some quality it possesses. (To illustrate—take I-da-ho.
The first syllable is a personal pronoun (I), or an organ of the human ’
body (eye). The second syllable is a period of time (day), the third
syllable is an implement used by farmers (hoe). If separated into
.parts instead of syllables, Ida-ho, the first is a girl’s name, the second
5 a. tool boys like to use.)

Much depends upon the leader. He must prepare as many written
or printed slips as there are players, with the syllables. of each city,
State or river as the case may be, described thereon, but the answer
itself must not appear on the slip. When all is ready, he give-s each
player a slip and pencil and allows ten minutes for each player to
write the answers. At the end of the time the prize is given to the
; one writing correctly the greatest number of answers and a “booby” or
if consolation prize to the one writing the fewest. No assistance is to
be given to any person in determining answers. If the players are
i: children, simple words should be chosen. and the descriptions plain;

:5:3,:;y ' '

 

 

 

216 _ COSTUME PARTIE.) AND WHAT TO WEAR.

if mature people with considerable education, the descriptions need
not be so clear.

The game requires thought and work on the part of the leader, but
the interest and enthusiasm aroused will be ample reward. An outline
showing how to prepare the lists is given below, a study of which will
make everything clear.

FIRST PUZZLE. ' Correct answers.
a. A race of people ................................. Indian
b. A fruit .................................. ’. . . .. Apple
c. A simple verb ......... . ..... . ................... Is Indianapolis
. SECOND PUZZLE.
a. A boy’s favorite game ............................ Ball
b. Worn by men and women ........................ Tie
c. Children sometimes cry for ..................... . More Baltimore
THIRD PUZZLE.
a. An exclamation ................................. 011
b. Lofty ............................................ Hi
c. Avowel ..................... . ......... ..........0 Ohio “
FOURTH PUZZLE. .5
a. A name often applied to a girl .................. Gal
b. An article of apparel ............................ Vest .
c. A preposition ............................... 7. . . . 0n Galveston '
FIFTH PUZZLE.
a. What most women dislike ...................... . Washing
b. A heavy weight .......... . . . . ........... . . . . . . . . . Ton Washington
SIXTH PUZZLE.
a. Applied to many religious characters ....... Saint ,
b. One of the professions ..... . . . . . . . .............. Law
c. Paid for using property ...... . . . . . . . . . . . . . ....... Rents St. Lawrence .,
SEVENTH PUZZLE.
8.. Found in every home ...... . ..... . . . . . . . ..... . Pen
b. Main part of a frame building. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ..... Sill
c. Don’t let it be said of you. ............. Vain
d. Two of the vowels ...... ...... ....... 1a. Pennsylvania
EIGHTH PUZZLE.
a. A girl’s name. Ally
b. Happy .......................................... Gay
0. An abbreviation for a State........... ...... N. Y. Allegheny
NINTH PUZZLE.
a. A name applied to man by one people. . . . . Mon
b. Found in the forest. . . ........ . . ......... . . . . . . . Tree
0. The whole .................... . ........ All Montreal

In announcing the game, the leader should state that each word is
the name of a city or whatever it may be, or that each is a proper noun
found in geography. The game can be played with history, botany or
some other study substituted for geography and affords a wide field
for the exercise of one’s faculties. As a wit-sharpener it has few equals

 

CHAPTER xxm. ‘
DRESS—[TS ATTRACTIVENESS AND APPROPRIATENESS

 

“For the apparel oft proclaims the man.”
—SHAKESPEARE.

R E S S!
D has its

rules of
etiquette, and
one of the first
is the har-
mony and fitness which should
obtain in one’s dress. Each
special occasion and each sea-
son has its own particular
fashion, adapted to that occa-
sion alone. The possession of
wealth does not excuse the
adoption of incongruous modes
of dress. On the
contrary, many
/‘ a lady in society
is especially no-
ticeable by the '
neatness and simplicity of her
costumes.

 

 

  
  
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
  
  

 

 

MAKE YOURSELF
ATTRACTIVE. '

One of the first duties which a
young girl owes to her-
self and to those
around her is to make

A; herself attractive per-
= 217

 

i ‘ 218 DRESS—ITS ATTRACTIVENESS.

sonally. No living human being can afford to sneer at personal appear-
ance, nor neglect to care for such gifts as nature has bestowed.

It is taught and drilled into boys from their earliest years that they 7

must be strong, manly and self-reliant. Why should not girls be taught
with equal consistency that they owe it to themselves to enhance the
charms they possess, and render themselves more engaging by being
fittingly attired?

It is not necessary that the item of expense should enter into the
matter. The best-dressed women are often those who are economical
in their outlay of. money, but who devote time, thought and genius to
the production of a toilet which shall be becoming and adapted to their
position in life and to their own individual charms.

DRESS AND MANNERS’

To be well-dressed gives one an ease of manner that is agreeable to
all. The consciousness of being well-dressed gives a self-possession that
no one can enjoy if he feels that he is shabby-looking or that his
clothes are unbecoming. He forgets self in the first instance; in the
second, he cannot banish self.

It is an obligation owed society to be attractive outwardly as well
as mentally; to be careful not to offend correct taste by the exhibition
of glaring colors and inharmonious contrasts.

BEAUTY A COMMON GIFT

Beauty is a gift, and all can lay claim to some share of this in-

heritance, whether it lie in a symmetrical form, beautiful eyes, a sweet
voice, or a fine contour. When these charms are increased by careful

attention to the details of dress, and a due regard for good taste, coupled
with an agreeable manner, men cry out—“How beautiful!”

BE CONSIDERATE

No one should tell a young girl that she is plain and forbidding. In
over-sensitive natures it implantsxa shrinking timidity that may result
in utter indifference to self, and soon neglectful habits creep in. They

slight their teeth, or their complexion. They allow their hands to grow

\r.

 

:21 QUESTION ABOUT DRESS. 219

 

‘ coarse and rough, and many other equally untidy habits follow. Boys
E as well as girls who are plain should study the little graces ,of dress
F" and manner even more closely than their more beautiful neighbors.
E The social circle contains many who are outwardly plain, but whose
; cultivation and taste have given them a beauty of their own, which is
k far superior to mere physical loveliness alone.

A QUESTION ABOUT DRESS

I The questions a lady should ask herself are—“Is my dress suitable
( to the occasion?” and——“Is it becoming?” Americans have the repu- ,
tation of being among the best-dressed people on earth; that is, they
wear the richest materials. But there-is often a. sad incongruity
between their apparel and their position in life. By this we do not
mean that any one should wear a dress which would serve as a badge
of their social status, but they should adapt their dress to their circum-
? stances and occupation. The young lady in business should not wear
a dress to and from her office suitable’only for a drawing-room, nor
should a gentleman don a dress-coat, and elegant necktie while he
carried his lunch box in one hand, and held on to the strap of a street-
car with the other. Ladies, when shopping, assume their most expensive
garments, and the girl of all-work leaves the house by the back door,
dressed in such close imitation of her mistress that it puzzles a stranger
to place her. These errors of judgment on the part of both are easily
avoided. No matter how rich the material, or how elegantly it is
fashioned, if it is not proper for the time and season, no lady is well
dressed.

DRESSMAKERS NOT INFALLIBLE

  
    
 
 

 

' Too many ladies accept the dictum of a dressmaker or milliner, and
are persuaded into adopting styles of dress that are very unsuitable
to them, merely because they are “worn by everybody.” It is the
province of a dressmaker to bring to her customer’s notice the newest
fashion, and not to inquire whether it is likely to make her look a fright
or not, so ladies. should think for themselves, and study their individual

 

 

 

220 DRESS—.1713 ATTRACT! VENESS‘.

features and forms; they will then make fashion their subject, and not
their tyrant.
LOVE OF DRESS

We do not intend that women should make love of dress a ruling
passion. It is apt then to become a fatal love, bringing misery and woe
in its train. But they should study dress as a means, and not as an

_ , end, that they may become artistic and inventive. Mrs. R, who is

/ slight, fair, with dark eyes and hair, wears a crimson dress, which
brightens her clear skin; Mrs. J., who is short, fat, freckled, with red
hair, admiring her friend’s dress, at once procures its counterpart, and
the effect can be imagined.

OVER-DRESSING

Avoid over-dressing. A lady should not serve as a lay figure, on
which her whole wardrobe is displayed. It. has a bad moral effect, and
is the mark of a vulgar mind. It exposes young girls to unfair criti-
cisms, and makes older women appear ridiculous. Over-dressing is par-
ticularly an error into which school-girls are liable to fall. A writer
on this point, who assumes that boys’ schools are vastly superior to girls,
not only in the manner of teaching, but in the comfort and care of the
students, she refers to the cost, thus: “It takes from one to two thous-
and dollars a year to support a girl at these schools, including he ex-
pense of dresses.” The concluding lines are so apropos, and so fully state ,
the case, that we give them without comment: “There are a great many
young girls in American boarding-schools whose dress costs a thousand
dollars a year, or even more than that sum. The effect of this over-
dressing on the spirit and manners of those who indulge in it, as well
as those who are compelled to economical toilets, is readily apprehended
by women, if not by men. Human nature in a girl is, perhaps, as human
as it is anywhere, and so there comes to be a certain degree of emulation '
or competition in dress among school-girls and altogether too much
envy and heart- burning. ”

The parents enter into this feeling, and strain every nerve that E
their girls may appear as well- dressed as their companions. What is g

 

 

 

JUDGED BY STRANGERS. ~ 221

the result? The girl leaves school, her mind not half fitted for the
practical life-work before her, with a love of dress paramount to other
and more important interests.

JUDGED BY STRANGERS

While dressing beyond our means must not be indulged in, still a
certain regard for looks is a duty we owe ourselves. It is certain that
' we are judged by strangers, on the strength of our personal appearance.
It is related of some great painter-that, calling on a man who stood
high in Napoleon’s esteem, and being shabbily dressed, he met with a
cold reception. But his host, after conversing with him awhile, dis-
covered talent and sense, and on the young artist’s departure accom-
panied him to the antechamber. The change in manner awoke a
surprise which must have written itself upon the artist’s face, for the
great man did not wait for an inquiry, but said—“My young friend, we
receive an unknown person according to his dress; we take leave of him
according to his merit.”

A GENTLEMAN’ S DRESS

A gentleman should give the same scrupulous attention to neat
dressing that a lady does. He need not be a dandy, but he cannot
afford to neglect his personal appearance. His clothes should fit him
perfectly, his hat and shoes must be faultless. He can wear a business '
suit on ordinary occasions, but it must be in perfect order. His hair
does not call for the attention which a lady’s requires, because it is
short, and always cut in one fashion, but it should be regularly brushed
and cared for. His beard' or mustache, if he wears either, should be
kept trimmed and well-combed, and his finger nails should be scrupu-
lously clean. His linen should be changed as soon as soiled, and his ties
should be neat and tasteful, not loud and flashy. A man of sense can
always please, but he is just as dependent on outward appearance for
first impressions as any lady.

DRESS ACCORDING TO AGE
It is, no doubt, a hard matter to grow old gracefully. But both\

222 DRESS—1 TS A TTRA C T1 V EN E55

sexes should learn to modify their dress with approaching age. The
tints of complexion and outlines of form change, and the dress should
change also. A man who has worn a beard all his life, and who, when
he is fifty, suddenly shaves it off, and dons a jockey cap or a “crush”
hat, looks quite as silly in his affectation of youthfulness, as does the
woman of the same age, who assumes a girlish hat or a brilliant-hued
dress. There is a certain beauty belonging to each year of life, and~
the woman who dresses in consonance with her age, her figure and her
face, no matter whether she be young or middle-aged, will never excite
the smile of derision.

CONSISTENCY IN MATERIALS

It is a. great mistake to put cheap trimming on a handsome dress, or

expensive ornaments on a cheap and flimsy material. A fine bonnet is
entirely out of place with a shabby dress. Here, as elsewhere, every-

thing should be in accord. And do not when you go to market, or
shopping, wear a dress rich enough for the opera, under the impression
that only rich dress will Stamp your social status, and prove to the
world that you belong to “the upper ten.” Neither is the house of God
the place for such fine dressing. Showy dresses are not. proper save at
receptions, theater, opera, or like places.

CHILDREN’ S FASHIONS

V If Kate Greenaway accomplished nothing else by her introduction
of the charming little costumes f0r children, she has put the mothers
on the sensible road, and we see no longer the frail little morsels,
with dresses to their knees, limbs shivering, and low cut frocks, exposed
to the col-d in a manner that would bring tears to the eyes, were those
little ones the olfl’spring of the poor, and necessity compelled it. Warm
dressing in childhood lays the foundation for a. healthy maturity. We
hear no more of “hardening children.” Sensible, warm garments for
winter, the universal use of woolen underwear, and the adoption of
those pretty, long “grandma” dresses and cloaks, has efiected a won-
derful revolution in favor of better health for the future woman.

 

 

‘ A LADY’S EVENING DRESS. 223

 

DRESS NEATLY AT HOME

If a lady would retain her influence with her husband, she will never

V appear untidily dressed. No man is pleased with careless, or slovenly
dress; neither can any woman respect an untidy husband. Both should
dress for each other’s eyes, and not neglect those little efforts to beautify»
themselves, that pleased so much when they were single. The most
sensible and hard-hearted man takes pride in his wife and daughters’
appearance. And it is with a feeling of security that he invites a friend
to accompany him home at any time, knowing that he will not be

. mortified by finding his wife unpresentable.

A LADY’S EVENING DRESS

As an “evening” dress is designed for all manner of festivities it
should be of as rich material and as elegantly made as can be afforded.
The colors should be harmonious; the dress should not be so low in

the neck as to excite remark. If a. lady is elderly, and, wears a low-
, necked dress, she should always accompany it with a lace scarf or shawl.
She will look well in rich satins and velvets, or warm-hued brocades.
Crepons are very much worn, and are very handsome, when well made.
Jewelry is allowable; diamonds or pearls are especially adapted to
" evening wear. The dress should be cut in the latest fashion, but as that
changes with every moon, it is impossible to give directions on this
E; point.

DRESS FOR YOUNG GIRLS

Young girls do not look well in plush or velvet. Dresses of these
,3 goods are too heavy and luxurious for their fresh young faces, which
3; should be set off with graceful, clinging fabrics and simple muslins,
f tastefully made. Many girls select materials that are too old- for them.
5; We have spoken of the useless diSplay which school-girls make, and
it which is prejudicial to that freedom of thought and action which is the
j” chief charm of girlhood. Delicate fabrics, in small figures, prettily
.' trimmed, and fitting the lithe young forms neatly, but never tightly,
are best for the young.

  
 
  

 

224 " DRESS—ITS ATTRACT] VENESS.

BALL DRESS

Here the taste for elegant dressing can be gratified to the utmost, as
it is expected. Those who dance much, however, should wear some-
thing of light material. There is no limit to colors. The more varied,
the more brilliant is the scene under the glow of the electric light. Much
ornamentation can be indulged in by the older ones, but young girls
‘ should wear no jewelry. Flowers as personal adornments are seldom
used, they wither so fast and stain the dress. Steele once said that
“Diamonds may tempt a man to steal a woman, but never to love her.”
This may be some consolation to those ladies who do not own them.

OPERA DRESS

The dress may be very elegant for operas, consisting of a full evenr
ing costume, and the hair should be dressed with flowers or ornaments.
Bonnets are not worn. Custom now wisely prohibits the wearing of
bonnets or hats at the theater or any public gathering. It is well not.
to wear them at all, unless a lady has to take the street-cars or walk.
Low cut dresses have never been worn at the opera, save by those who
occupy the boxes.

MORNING DRESS

The dress should be simple and inexpensive, but made nicely, and
linen cuffs and collars are worn, or ruches. A morning dress, where a
late breakfast is had, can be more luxurious. Imitation lace worn over.
a foulard or a gingham is proper for any age, and is very stylishii
Jewelry is forbidden by good taste. On special reception days a lady?
may dress more expensively. A lady engaged in household afiairs may:
see her callers in her morning dress, but it must always be neat and?

%§

attractive. y'

)

WALKING DRESS :9,

These dresses should be made for service; never so long that they?
will sweep the walk. Black or brown or slate are nice, relieved by brigh ‘3
colors in moderation. The gloves should match in color. Fashion if

   
 

A GARDEN PARTY. , 225

 

E sensible in many respects, and ladies are no longer afraid to clothe their
F feet in broad-soled, strong and serviceable shoes.

A GARDEN PARTY
L These delightful entertainments have all the charm and freedom of
a picnic, without any of the attendant disagreeableness of one. Of
: course, they are held outdoors. The hostess receives her guests on the
lawn, wearing her hat or bonnet. As the refreshments are to be served
‘ in the open air, they are cold, consisting of salads, ham, tongue, jellies,
‘ ices, and. cakes, with hot coffee indoors for those who wish it. Dancing,
‘ archery, lawn tennis are enjoyed, and for the first a band of music is
indispensable.

Ladies wear hats or bonnets, and short dresses have been fashion-
able. But rumor has it that long dresses are to be worn on these
occasions. ‘ -

The invitations to a garden party are similar to those sent for a

, small reception, save the words “Garden Party” are added in the left
‘ hand corner. These gatherings can be made very informal and enjoy-
able, where the hostess possesses tact and ready- wit.

All the guests retain their hats, but are shown into the house on ,
their arrival, Where they can remove their wraps and arrange their
toilets.

TRAVELING DRESS

Comfort and protection from dust are the requirements of a traveling
dress. Soft, neutral tints may be chosen, and a smooth-surfaced
material which does not retain the dust. The dress should be made
plain, and quite short. Collars and cuffs are worn. A gossamer and
warm woolen wrap must be carried, as also a satchel containing a

- change of collars, cuffs, gloves, handkerchiefs, toilet. articles and towels.
. A traveling dress should be well supplied with pockets, for they may be
, called on to hold as many articles as a boy’s pocket.

LAWN-TENNIS SUIT

The pretty stripes, soft flannels, and delicately shaded plaids are

 

 

226 , DRESS—1T5 ATTRACTIVENBSS.

worn for lawn-tennis, croquet and archery suits. A very handsome suit
can be made up at very little cost. The skirt should be short, and the
boots or shoes handsome, but serviceable, as these games are admirably
adapted for showing off a pretty foot. The waist is generally made
blouse shape, as it gives greater freedom of motion. *

A FEW HINTS

Black silk is in place on every occasion. A lady should always count
a black wool dress among her possessions; They are always useful and f
appropriate, and can be donned on many occasions. White can only be
worn by young, slender, and pretty women. Little women should
affect small figures, delicate spotted linen, etc. Large ones cannot wear
coquettish little bonnets and doll-like hats. Stripes give height to a
person, and plaids apparently reduce the size. A short, squatty woman ':
looks clumsy in a shawl or cape. Tall figures are able to wear them.
Another matter that requires judgment is the color chosen. Any
color that makes the complexion pale and sickly will mar beauty. A
thin woman looks still more pinched in black. A full figure should 1’
have the waist of the dress trimmed in vest or bretelle style. Dark
colors are becoming to large people.
A tiny woman should not wear a very large hat. A large woman
‘ looks well in one. It is very diflicult to tell what colors will harmonize. ,‘
We give a full list of those which do, and hope it will be of some as-‘j
sistance to ladies in making up an appropriate and harmonious costume: TV

1A.... .1: 1 .

“my, ,1

Blue and salmon color. Blue, orange, black and white.
Blue and drab. . Black and white.

Blue and orange. Black and orange.

Blue and White. Black and maize.

Blue and straw color. Black and scarlet.

Blue and maize. Black and lilac.

Blue and chestnut. Black and pink.

Blue and brown. - Black and slate color.

Blue and black. Black and drab.

Blue and gold. Black and buff.

Blue, scarlet and purple. Black, yellow and crimson.
Blue, orange and black. Black, orange, blue and scarlet.
Blue, orange and green. Crimson and drab.

 

 

' Blue, brown, crimson and gold. Crimson and gold.

 

Crimson and orange.

Crimson and maize. '

.‘ Crimson and purple.

Green and scarlet.

§ Green, scarlet and blue.

5 Green, crimson, blue and gold.

,; Green and gold.

f Green and yellow.

j Green and orange.

2 Lilac and crimson. .

. Lilac, scarlet, black and white.

; Lilac, gold and crimson.

E. Lilac, yellow, scarlet and white.

Lilac and gold.

Lilac and maize.

E Lilac and cherry.

E Lilac and scarlet.

E Purple, scarlet and gold.

Purple, scarlet and white.

Purple,

Purple, scarlet, blue, yellow and
black.

% Purple and gold.

Purple and orange.

Purple and maize.

 

 

 

A FEW HINTS.

scarlet, blue and orange.

Purple and blue.

Red and gold.

Red and white.

Red and gray.

Red, orange and green.
Red, yellow and black.
Red, gold, black and White.
Scarlet and slate color.
Scarlet, black and white.

Scarlet, blue and white.

Scarlet, blue and yellow.
Scarlet, blue, black and yellow.
White and scarlet.

White and crimson.

White and cherry.

White and pink.

White and brown.

Yellow and chestnut.

Yellow and brown.

Yellow and red.

Yellow and crimson.

Yellow and ~black.

Yellow, purple and crimson.
Yellow, purple, scarlet and blue.
Yellow and purple.

_ Yellow and violet.

COSTUMES FOR PICNICS AND EXCURSIONS

E; The proper dress for an excursion, whether to the lake, mountain or

seashore, is a plain, stout fabric, neatly but simply made.
be of wash or unwash material, as the season indicates.

It should
For warm

7" weather nothing is so pretty and comfortable as wash serge, linen
and duck. If a wool goods seems best then nothing is so appropriate as
C light broadcloth, wool serge, and tweed.

DISPLAYING THE FIGURE-

2
:, Ladies should at all times be especially careful as to the way they
g: walk or sit down when they have on a tightly draped skirt. It is a
E common saying among men that they can tell a lady by the way she sits

  

down. Women are not accorded the freedom men have in this respect.
1-4 He is privileged to cross his legs, rest one foot on the knee of the oppo-

x

228 DRESS—IT§ ATTRACTIVENESS.

site leg, but a woman never. She must ever have dignity. Any one who
has seen the graceful actressAda'Rehan will know what dignity and
ladylike manners can do for one.

Tight lacing is also to be condemned. It not only ruins the health,
makes one appear unnatural and stiff, but it causes a redness in the face
Which is most unbecoming and far from aesthetic in appearance.

OUT OF FASHION

It is a great mistake to possess too many dresses at a time. They get '
out of fashion, and especially is this true of any one not continually in ,,
society. A young lady, however, who is constantly going to this place 5‘
and that, to dance-s as well as to all other places, needs many fresh
dresses so as not to appear untidy. There is nothing like freshness; this
is why I say have no more at one time than is necessary.

 

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER XXIV.
CORRESPONDENCE—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL

 

“Letters whisk are warmly sealed are often coldly opened.”
~RICHTER.‘

HE man or woman who can talk well, can write well. Those
thoughts that enable. one to shine in conversation can be trans-
ferred to paper and win for the writer the same amount of

admiration. There is only this difference—that words, as they fall

L from the lips, have an airy grace of their own, aided by the tone of

' voice, and play of feature, which written down in set phrases, is lacking.

Any person can write a social, friendly letter. Indeed, the chief charm

‘ of such epistles is, that they consist of airy nothings, which are not

brought under any set rules. But letters to strangers and letters of

= business must partake of a more formal character; as also letters of
regret and those written to congratulate a friend. For these certain
forms are required to be observed.

WHAT COLORED INK TO USE

Never use fancy colored inks. Though once fashionable, they are no
longer deemed elegant. A clear black ink is the accepted standard.
Purchase an ink that flows freely, without sinking into the paper, and
will not gum the pen. A rusty brown black is very offensive to the eye.
So is a blue, and yet that color was very much afiected by young people
at one time.

PAPER 4ND ENVELOPES

The style and size and shape of paper changes continually. These
matters are always within the province of the stationers who supply
‘ them, and who always keep the “latest.” But the quality never varies.
‘ A fine, firm white paper is always in demand. If you have a preference

i: for tints, they should be of the most delicate cream, or gray, so faint
. 229

 

 

230 CORRESPONDENCE BUSINESS AND SOCIAL.

as scarcely to be observable. Learn to write on unruled paper. It is
very easy to do so. Ruled paper is only suitable for business corre-
spondence, and is seldom used even then. If you find it too difficult to
write without lines, a sheet of heavily ruled paper placed underneath
will serve you as a guide.

Never answer a letter a gentleman sends you, if done on a typewriter,
unless it is a strictly business letter.

A paper with your monogram is allowable, and in England, where
they do many things sensibly, it is the custom to have one’s address
printed at the head of the sheet.

This stands in lieu of writing it in the body of the letter, an omission
Which many are guilty of. Envelopes are square, and should exactly
fit the paper, so that it need not be doubled but once. Ladies may use
delicately perfumed paper, but gentlemen should not. Black-edged
paper is in vogue with those who are in mourning. Some people do not
use it, however. In writing a letter of condolence to one who has lost a
friend you should not adopt a mourning paper, but use the stationery
you have. It is rude to write to a friend or stranger on a half-sheet
of paper, or on a torn sheet. In business houses the half-sheet is always
used, but it is printed ‘with a letter head for that special purpose.
Crossing your page is positively an insult. Some ladies write across the
proper way, then turn and recross, until it would need the patience of
the famous Job to decipher them. The writer remembers, when a girl,
of receiving such a letter from a very dear cousin. It was crossed and
criss-crossed in every conceivable direction, and in so fine a hand that
it rivaled the intricacies of a spider’s web. It is needless to say, that
to this day the contents of that letter are unknown to the recipient.
It awoke the same feelings as expressed by a hero of a novel, who says
-—in speaking of a similar infliction—“Give me any other torture than
this, to read a woman’s plaid letter.” Paper that is thin or full of
specks is untidy and cheap looking. So are blots, erasures and inter-
lining. Long letters are only welcome to friends who take deep interest
in us, and even then “Brevity is the soul of wit,” for few have the rare
gift of writing lengthy epistles that will not weary.

 

e
, n
,1"

3
273
6

.3

’,

 

A LETTER TO MOTHER

“Of all those (171.9 in which the wise eaceel,
Nature’s chief masterpiece is writing well ”
~BUCKINGHAM.

 

CHILDISH FANCY

“Ridicule is perhaps a. better 0 eclicnt against love, than sober advice.”
-—ADDISON.

 

REFUSE To CORRESPOND WITH STRANGERS. 233
b? WRITING TO ROYALTY

_ An English paper says: When you write to Queen Victoria the
A paper which you use must be thick and white, and the letter must be
put into an envelope large enough to contain it without folding. A
letter which has been folded never reaches the queen, and the chances
are that she never hears of its existence. Such letters are dealt with
bythe mistress of the robes, who, if she considers them of sufficient
importance to be handed to her majesty, returns them to their senders,
with directions as to how the letter should be sent to the sovereign.
The square envelope seems to have driven all other shapes from the
.field of public favor. And we think there is no shape so useful .and so
» sensible.

REFUSE TO CORRESPOND WITH STRANGERS

‘ If a young girl receiVes a request to correspond with a man she
[should pay no attention to it. If he persists, she probably has a father
s or some big brother who will attend to him. I‘Ve believe that there
is too much of this promiscuous letter-writing done, for which there is
5 ,no reason. We hate to say it, but men are careless, and often lay things
Fround in such a thoughtless manner that a letter might be seen, which I
igwould lead to inquiry and perhaps jesting at her expense.

it Young girls often thoughtlessly begin a correspondence with
trangers. A romantic girl whose training has been neglected might
egin this dangerous amusement, but it had best be discontinued at
me. The young man who writes thus to a young girl is usually lacking
11 lady friends, and she must be wanting in self-respect to permit such
breach of propriety. He is sure to show her letters, and boast of his
onquest, and perhaps even attack her good name.

 

 

 

  

USING ABBREVIATIONS

 

Business peOple, to save time, date their letters-“2-4-’91-J’ mean-
ing fourth day, second month of 1891. It is impolite in friendly corre-
spondence. Addresses should be in figures, as “N o. 21 Carpenter St. ;”
he day of the month also, as “September 3.” Numerals are not proper

 

234. ORRESPONDENCE—B USINESS AND SOCIAL.

in letters. Were you to speak of the century, it would be “the nine-
teenth century.” The age should be spelled out, as “He is sixty to-day.”
The titles of persons preceding their name should be abbreviated—
“Hon. Reverdy Johnson,” “Rev. Dr. Bacon.” States are abbreviated
when the town precedes them, as “Boston, Mass. ;” “Viz.” for videlicit,
meaning “namely,” or “to wit ;” “i. e.” for id est (it is;) “e. g.” for exempli
gratia (“for example;”) “ult” for ultimo—last month; “prox.” for
proximo—next month; “inst.” for instant—the present month; “etc.”
”for et caetera, “and the rest,” or “and so on;” “v.” or “vs.” for versus;
“vol.”~—volume; “chap.”——chapter; “A. M.,” “M.,” and “P. M.” for fore-

noon, noon, and afternoon. Figures are used in denoting sums of ‘

money, or large quantities—as “$200,000,” “175,000 barrels;” per cent,
“30 per cent. ;” degrees of latitude, longitude or temperature, unless the
degree sign is used, are spelled out; also fractions, in correspondence,
as “three-fourths,” “seven-eighths.” '

WHAT SHOULD A LETTER CONTAIN?

Directions cannot be given for the matter of which a letter should

consist. That depends wholly upon the writer. The form of com- .

mencing a letter, “Dear Friend, I take my pen in hand to let you know :

I am well,” has long ago become stereotyped and tiresome. It also

argues egotism on the part of the writer. Would you have your corre— f‘
spondent imagine that your sole motive for writing is to inform her

of the state Of your health? An unnecessary piece of information, also, _.

2

is to state that you take your pen in hand. Of course she will suppose

that you have done so by the result. Be original in that, as in all things oi

else. Write as you would talk were your correspondent present. Try ‘

and think over what you intend writing, and say it in the most natural .C
way you can. This is the highest art—to do everything in so artistic 3
and finished a manner, that it will have the appearance of being aE

second nature. .:
is

IMPROPEIRLY ADDRESSED LETTERS

It is estimated that four million letters find their way to the dead ;‘

a

 

letter office annually, because they are improperly addressed. This is:

  

 

W
E address as well as the town, save for large cities that are well known.

. There are so many names common to towns that unless this precaution
is taken, the letter is often missent. We present a few forms of address:

, Ill/[PROPERLY ADDRESSED LETTERS,’ ' 235

a matter for se11'ous conside1ation. It is best to give the county on the

Mr. Henry C. Martin, 1
27 Lafayette St.,
Salem, Mass.

Mrs. Lydia A. Farnum,
44 Easton Ave.,
Union Co. Marysville, 0.

Address the Governor of a State, thus:
His Excellency,
Gov. Theodore Roosevelt,
Albany, N. Y.
A personal letter to our Chief Executive is addressed thus:
To the President,
Executive Mansion,

Washington, D. C.

A gentleman who bears an honorary title will receive his mail, if

directed:

Rev. A. G. Hill, D. D., LL. D.,
Chancellor of University,
Troy, N. Y.

A letter to any member of the President’s cabinet should bear the

g following:

' Hon. T. w. Talbot,
Secretary of the Navy, (Army, Treasury, etc.)
Washington, D. C.

A letter of introduction is always left unsealed and the envelope is

addressed thus:

,.
'i
5;
l,
r

”-12 ,1 V‘. ..‘

 

Col. Robert 0. Ellis,
Xenia, 0.
Introducing Mr. Fred Osmun.

(

am CORRESPONDENCE—Btmrwess AND 50CL4L

 

the following, on the upper left-hand corner:

If not called for in 10 days, STAMP.
return to ,
Adams & Co.,
48 La Salle St, Chicago.

MR. WILLIAM HILTON,
Mishawaka,
Ind.

A note intrusted to the care of another to be delivered personally, is
addressed thus: _
Miss‘Mabel Evans, .

City.
Kindness of Mr. Warren Hastings.

FRENCH PHRAsEs g

Phrases from the French are so frequently met with in notes and
invitations, that we append those most commonly used: V

French Phrase. . Abbreviation. Meaning.

Repondez s’il vous plait. R. S. V. P. Reply if you please.

Pour prendre conge. P. P. C. To take leave.

‘Pour dire adieu. P. D. A. To say farewell.

En ville. , E. V. In the town or city.

Costume de rigueur. Costumes to be full dress. \

Fete champetre. A country (or rural) entertain- ’
ment. ‘

Soiree dansante. A dancing party.

Bal masque. A masquerade ball.

.‘Soiree musicale. A musical entertainment.

ADDING POSTSCRIPTS.~—~UNDERSCORING

It is charged against ladies that they will add postscripts. This is
not alone a fault of the fair sex. We have seen a long, rambling letter 1
written by one of the sterner sex which contained the pith of the ‘
Whole matter in the postscript. It is in bad taste in either sex. Under— .
scoring is still more to be deprecated. It is well called “the refuge of
the feebly forcible.” Where it is indulged in too lavishly it weakens ’2:

 
 
 
 
 

 

  

E
z
y.
I

,
l

A FEW SUGGESTIONS! 237

the point of what the writer aims to say, and means nothing. The
occasional use of an italic word sometimes conveys an idea a little
more directly, but the habit of underscoring is best never practiced.

A FEW SUGGESTIONS

Do not attempt a letter unless you have something to say.
Do not commence a letter in the third person and sign it in the

1 first. A letter of this character needs no signature.

Never write an anonymous letter. It is cowardly. The recipient
of such a letter should quietly burn it. The man or woman who dares
not sign his or her name is unworthy of notice.

Do not write a letter while in anger. You will surely say too much,
which you will regret. Written words stand as living witnesses against
you, and cannot be recalled.

Address your superiors with respect. Do not write flippantly to any

one. Even with friends you should maintain a certain reserve.

 

Do not commit a secret to paper. You can never tell what use may
be made of it, or into whose hands it may fall.

In writing to another, making an inquiry, or on any business of your
own, inclose a stamp for reply. See that any letter you write is fully»
prepaid. It is humiliating to one’s pride to learn that another was
compelled to make up his deficiency.

HEADING FOR LETTERS

Commence a business letter near the top; a social letter should be
begun about one-third the way down.
Here are several forms:
Chicago, 111., Jan. 27, 1900.

Or the county may be added:
Chicago, Cook 00., 111., Jan. 27, 1900.

The full address is added sometimes:
384 W. Congress St,

Chicago, 111.,
Jan. 27, 1900.

238 CORRESPONDENCE—B USINESS AND SOCIAL.

 

also. A more ceremonious style is to place the date at the close of the 2
letter, as: i
i

Yours sincerely,
LOUISA COLE.
Cincinnati, 0., May 19, 1900.

The name of the person to whom the letter is addressed is placed on 3
the next line below the heading, and if writing to a stranger or a
business man thisis the fashion:

‘MR. HORATIO WINTERS, .
25 Genesee St., 1
Batavia, N. Y. .

Dear Sirz—Having received your communication of, etc. if
i

l

LETTERS TO FRIENDS AND OTHERS

In writing to familiar friends, the salutation begins the letter, and
their full name and address are written at the lower left-hand corner
of the last page. Many titles are sanctioned by usage. A minister is
addressed as Rev. Jerome Wellington, without any additional title. He‘ :
may be saluted as Reverend Sir, or Dear Sir. A doctor of medicine is i
C. B.” Wallace, M. D., or Dr. C. B. Wallace. A lawyer is the only person "
entitled to the “Esq.,” although many foolishly imagine that they are 4
adding dignity to a plain citizen by addressing him as “Esq.” Nothing ‘
is more absurd or uncalled for. ‘ 5

\ SALUTATIONS USED

Business men can be addressed as “Gentlemen,” or “Sirs,” others
0 _ I . o ‘1
are “Dear Slr,” or “Sir,” or “Hon. John Brown—Dear Slr.” Any of,

 

these are sanctioned by usage. To a married lady one should addressJ
himself as “My Dear Madam,” or omit the “My.” “My Dear Mrs.«
Hatch.” Friends who have known each other for years will naturally.
adopt more familiar salutations, which are decided by themselves on.
the strength of their acquaintance and good sense. So, also, members
of a family, schoolmates, college chums and lovers are not expected.
' to be bound by any particular formulas, but should avoid any silly and
effusive terms of endearment. '

 

 

 

SIGNATURES. 239

An unmarried lady may be addressed as “Dear Miss Felton,” or
among friends, as “Dear Marian.” It is a pity that our language does
not afford us a designation for an unmarried lady similar to the French
word “Mademoiselle.”

SIGNATURES

To prevent confusion a lady should sign herself by her title, as “Mrs.
Jennie Smith,” or “Miss Flora Harlow,” when writing to strangers or
answering business correspondence. Never sign initials alone, as “F.
Smith.” That would lead most people to believe that the writer was
a gentleman.

RECEIPTS

Many ladies do not know exactly how a receipt should be made out.
We give two as the correct forms:
New Haven, Ct, May 1, 1899.
$25.

Received from Henry Harvey twenty-five dollars to apply on account.
GREEN, STEPHENSON & CO.

Memphis, Tenn., Oct. 4, 1898.
$50.
Received from Charles Bliss fifty dollars in full of all demands to
date. ZEIGLER, WATERS & CO. ‘

There are printed forms for bank checks, drafts, notes, etc., which
can be obtained at any stationer’s, which renders it superfluous to give
them here.

REPLYING TO LETTERS

_ A reply should promptly follow the receipt of a letter; it cannot be
civilly delayed for any great length of time. It is customary to begin
a reply by alluding to the date of the letter to which the answer is.
given.

One of the following forms is generally adopted:

“I hasten to answer the letter which you did me the honor of writ-
ing on the—————.” ‘

I

240' CORRESPONDENCE—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL.

“I have received the letter with which you favored me on the—3’
“I have not been able, until this moment, to answer the letter which
you did me the honor of writing on the .”
“I Will not burden my letter with useless apologies, but confess ’
frankly that I have been a little dilatory in replying to your kind favor .5.
of —- and hope that you will pardon me.” ,1

 

CLOSING A LETTER

This is a matter which also depends upon the nearness of friendship

.0r familiarity. Either of these forms are made use of—“Yours sin- fi'

cerely,” “Ever yours,” “Truly yours,” “Yours respectfully,” “Cordially 1,

yours,” “Very respectfully,” “I have the honor to be ..
' “Your obedient servant,

“DAVID ROBB.”

The proper form will naturally suggest itself.

USE OF THE THIRD PERSON

Many people confuse the first and third persons. The use of the 3
third person is confined to notes of invitation, and those who cling to
old customs, or desire to be very formal. But if the third person is
made use of, adhere to it. Don’t write—“Miss Laura Lake regrets that
she cannot accept Mrs. Hunt’s kind invitation. I am away from the, 1
city.” 0r, “Mrs. Collins will call at Mr. Peck’s store on Saturday to

look at some rings.
“Very truly yours,
“HARRIET COLLINS.”

Such a note requires no signature at all. These are errors that the ;
best informed people are apt to make, but must be guarded against. '

POSTAL CARDS

It is almost considered an insult by some people to receive a postal
card. They are very useful for business purposes, or for sending orders
by mail, but for social correspondence are highly improper. It is not 'i
good manners to send personal notes that are open to inspection. I.

 

 

A NEAT LETTER. 241
SEALING WAX AND WAFERS

The use of sealing wax is again coming into favor. “Fastidious
people prefer wax, but it is much better to use the regular gummed
envelope than to make a great slovenly blotch on an envelope. Every
lady should learn how to seal a letter neatly. A good impression may
be obtained by covering the face of the seal with linseed oil, dusting it ‘
with rouge, and then pressing it firmly and rapidly on the soft wax.
Either red or black wax is proper, but wafers should never be used.”

A NEAT LETTER

No matter whom you are writing to, no degree of intimacy excuses a
slovenly, blotted letter, which is half full of erasures. Attention to
neatness and legibility is of the greatest importance. Write a plain
hand, free from flourishes. An ornamental hand will do for a copy-
book or writing-master, but few of your correspondents will care for
gymnastics in your handwriting. Errors in grammar and spelling ex-
pose the writer to sharp criticism.

Married women are addressed by the names of their husbands. The
use of the first or baptismal name signifies that the lady is single or
else a widow. No letter should be sealed up until it has been read
over, and any error or doubtful statement corrected.

ABBREVIATING WORDS

Abbreviations of titles, states, offices, etc, are correct; but to
abbreviate common, everyday words, as some do, such as “dr.” for
“dear,” “ans.” for “answer,” “&” for “and,” is in bad taste. They call it
“phonetic”—it should rather be dubbed foolish, if not rude. Figures are
out of their place when used in a sentence to shorten it, as, “He called
at 4 houses,” for called at “four houses.”

It is well to keep the letter you are replying to for reference, until
you have answered all the points it contains. Then destroy it, mak-
ing, of course, an exception now and then, in favor of some particular
letter, whose writer is very dear. File business letters, or those involv-
ing some matter of importance in a business or financial way. Private

 

242 [CORRESPONDENCE—BUSINESS AND SOCIAL.

correspondence is apt to grow burdensome if permitted to accumulate, ‘
and we think many a prominent man or woman whose private letters
have been published after death, would, had they a voice in the matter,
protest vigorously against such an uncovering of their personal affairs.
A gentleman must not sign himself “Mr. Fred Gregory,” but “Fred
Gregory,” or “F. T. Gregory.” ,
Avoid repetition of the same word, in the same sentence, as “I will
not speak unless Tom speaks. But if he speaks first, I may speak, too.”
Do not write “Mrs. Rev. Homer Thomas,” or “Mrs. Dr. Henry M.
J ones,” but “Rev. and Mrs. Homer Thomas,” or “Dr. and Mrs. Henry M.
Jones.”
Avoid lengthy letters, save to members of your own family circle.
Do not trust secrets to letters, under any circumstances. And do not
grumble in a letter or in speech about your surroundings.

A MODEL LETTER WRITER

In a book devoted to- the best usages prevalent in society we cannot . '
give a “model letter-writer,” and therefore must content ourselves with

the hints we have given. But a few words on what is required in the ,.

composition of a letter are not amiss: “Purity, propriety and precision, ,
chiefly in regard to words and phrases; and perspicuity, unity and .V:
strength in regard to sentences. He who writes with purity avoids all '_;

phraseology that is foreign, uncouth, or ill-derived; he who writes with * '

propriety selects the most appropriate, the very best expressions, and
generally displays sound judgment and good taste; he who writes with '
precision is careful to state exactly what he means, all that he means, '
all that is necessary, and nothing more.”

 

 

 

CHAPTER xxv.
HORSEBACK RIDING AND DRIVING

“By looking into phgstcal causes, our minds are opened and enlarged; and
in pursuit, whether we take or whether we lose the game, the chase is certainly

of service. ”
—-BURKE.

HERE is no place where a man appears so conspicuous as when
T he is on horseback. And nowhere does he show to such ad-
vantage as when, mounted on a good horse, he sits enthroned

as if man and horse were one, carved from the same piece of marble.

But to attain this elegance and ease, he must have. had many lessons
in a riding school. The boy, country raised, who has all his life dashed
over highway and byway, through lanes and over hills, spurning the
necessity of a saddle, with a bit of rope strung through his animal’s
teeth, can easily become a fearless and graceful rider. But the city-
bred boy has no such opportunities. To him a horse is only to be had
. for hire, and so he has to depend on the instructions gained at one of the
many schools for the novice.

It is very important that you preserve the etiquette of riding, in
comp-any with ladies, in the strictest manner. Three things are to be
remembered, and that is, that when in the saddle, your left is the near-
side, your right the off-side, and that you must always mount on the
near-side. It almost seems unnecessary to tell you how to mount, and
yet a good appearance depends largely on your doing this simple act
gracefully. Place your left foot in the stirrup; your left hand must
rest on the saddle; then spring lightly, and throw your right leg over
the back of your horse. In riding, as well as in driving, you keep: always
to the right.

When a gentleman asks a lady for the pleasure of her company on
a horseback ride, he must be sure that the horse she uses is a safe and
proper one, if it is strange to her. He must also personally inspect the

saddle and head-gears, lest some accident should befall her. He cannot
243

. 244 HORSEBACK RIDING AND DRIVING.

trust these matters to a livery-stable man, or even her own groom, as he
alone is responsible for her security.

ASSISTING HER TO MOUNT

The lady will stand on the near side of the horse,’with her skirt
gathered in her left hand, her right resting on the pommel, and her face
turned toward the horse’s head. The gentleman stands at its shoulder,
facing his companion, and stoops so that she may place her left foot in
his hand, raising it as she springs, but not too suddenly or forcibly, lest
she lose her balance and fall. He should then adjust her foot in the
stirrup, and smooth down the skirt of- her riding habit. She is then
prepared to ride as soon as you havemounted your animal.

Many ladies do not use the side saddle, but have adopted the saddle
used by gentlemen; and we think with perfect propriety, and far more
safety. Of course, their riding skirt is made divided.

Keep to the left of the lady with whom you are riding.

If you have two lady companions, it is a matter of choice whether
you ride between them, or on one side of them. That depends on how
skilful they are in managing their horses, or how much they may need
your assistance.

SETTING THE PAGE

The lady must determine how fast she wishes to ride. It is unkind
to urge her to greater speed than she feels able to maintain. Besides,
it destroys the object for which she came out———a pleasant, healthy ride
-—-if she is expected to dash. along at a breakneck pace.

When you come to a gate, open it for her. If you are on a toll-road,
pay the tolls. Never expect a lady to attend to these duties. You
must anticipate her wishes, and make her comfort your first care.

MEETING FRIENDS

If you meet friends on horseback, never change your own course, for
the sake of accompanying them, unless they insist upon it, and it is
agreeable to the lady who is with you.

 

 

 

'ASSISTING HER TO ALIGHT. ”’45

1.4

K gentleman should give the shadiest side of the road to the lady, or
if he is riding with an elderly gentleman, he must pay him the same
courtesy.

If a lady whom you know is walking and you desire to speak to her,
dismount and lead your horse while you do so. ‘

ASSISTING HER T'O ALIGHT

In assisting the lady to alight from her horse, be sure that her habit
is entirely free. She must then give her left hand to her escort, and he
ofiers his left hand as a step for her foot. He lowers this hand gently,
till she can reach the ground without springing. She should never
attempt to spring from her saddle unassisted. I

CARRIAGE ETIQUETT‘E

The choicest seat in a landau is considered the one facing the
horses, and this should be yielded to the ladies. The place of honor
is also on the right hand of the seat, facing the animals, and belongs
also to the hostess. After the lady has taken her seat, the gentleman
can enter so that his back is toward the seat he will occupy, and'this
prevents his turning round in the carriage, which is always an awkward
proceeding.

Be careful lest you trample upon the dresses of the ladies, or close
them in the door.

You must leave the carriage first, and then assist the ladies out.
If a servant is with the carriage, he may hold the door open, but the
gentleman must furnish the needed assistance.

It is really an art to descend from a carriage gracefully. It is related
of a former Empress of Austria that she desired a princess to bring her
three daughters to court that she might select one for a wife to one
of her sons. They were driven in a coach to the palace gates. They
had scarcely entered the royal presence when the Empress took the
second daughter by the hand, and expressed her preference for her,
explaining her action in the following manner:

“I watched the yOung ladies leave their carriage. Your eldest

246 . ' HORSEBACK RIDING AND DRIVING.

daughter stepped 'on her dress, and only .saved a fall by an awkward
scramble. The youngest jumped to the ground without touching the
steps. The second, just lifting “her dress as she descended, calmly
stepped from the carriage to the ground, neither hurriedly nor stiffly,
but with grace and dignity. She is fit to be an empress. The eldest
sister is too awkward, the youngest too wild.”

In assisting a lady into a carriage take care that the skirt of her
dress does not hang outside; cover it with the robe, and see that she
has her parasol, fan and shawl.

DRIVING FAST

You may drive moderately fast when out with a lady, but not
sufficiently so that the idea will be suggested that you have hired the
. vehicle and are showing off.

ENTERING THE CARRIAGE

Drive the buggy close to the curbstone, and turn. the horses from it,
so that the wheels will be away from the step. See that the horses are
not restless, and hold the reins tightly in the right hand. Giving the
lady the left hand, she placing her right foot on the step, and springing
into the carriage. In alighting she should place her hands on his
shoulders, and he should place his under her elbows, as she jumps
lightly to the pavement, passing on his left side so that she will not
touch the reins which he is holding to guard against accident.

In driving, the lady must be seated on the left of her escort, so that
the whip hand may be free.

' When driving, it is rather embarrassing to know just how to
acknowledge the greetings of friends. It is impossible to raise the hat,
and some gentlemen deem it good form to raise the whip to the hat.
But this would shock a foreign gentleman. “7e think the best plan
would be to incline the head a little lower than usual, and this form
of salutation would be far more respectful.

Do not drive fast if it is objectionable to your companion. She
may be very timid, and you have no right to disregard her fears. You

 

 

 

 

 

DRESS FOR HORSEBACK RIDING. ' 247

are responsible for her safety, and should be equally responsible for
her comfort and pleasure.

Above all, do not race with another team. You not only endanger
her life and your own, but you show a sad lack of respect for her.

DRESS FOR HORS‘EBACK RIDING

Where long rides are to be taken, with the possibility of a change in
the weather, waterproof is a useful cloth for a riding habit. Broadcloth
is far more dressy and elegant. In very hot weather a light material
can be used, but a row or two of shot must be stitched in the lower edge
of the left hand breadths in order that the skirt may be kept down.
The most up—to-date skirt is made short.

The waist should fit very snugly, and button to the throat, where it
is relieved by a white linen collar and a bright-colored necktie. Linen
cvfis are worn, and leather gloves with gauntlets. Embroidery, lace
or puifings are entirely out of place in a riding habit. . Some wear a
dress skirt under the outer one, so that if an accident to that garment
occurs, it can be removed, and the rider will still be properly dressed.
Riding skirts are not made as long as formerly. Equestrian tights and
stout boots are needed. The hat should be plain, with no feathers to
be blown in the rider’s eyes. Once, the lady equestrian wore a gen-
tleman’s high silk hat with a veil, but we are happy to say that this
style of headgear has gone out, with many another ugly fashion.

DRESS FOR CARRIAGE

Much opportunity for display is permitted in the carriage dress. Rich
and brilliant colors, elaborate wraps, costly materials, are allowable
here. The dressesfor driving are some of them almost as elaborate
as dinner dresses were once. Every color of the rainbow is seen, and
yet delicate materials and hues are not fit to stand the glare of the
sun and the onslaughts of wind and dust.

This lavish display of glaring colors seems out of place in such
conspicuous places. The coaching parties have helped to still further
increase this development of false taste, but we see it stated that the

l

248 ‘ HORSEBACK RIDING AND DRIVING.

  
  

Princess of Wales, whose taste and common-sense are markedly clear,
openly reproved this strange jumbling of orange silk, rich laces and
pearly silks by appearing at a coaching parade attired in a close-fitting
suit of navy blue flannel.

We believe the day of over-dressing in public places among the best
people is past. Wear the gayest colors and the most beautiful costumes )4}
at receptions, dancing parties, dinners, and kindred occasions, but
observe a fitness in time and place. If the taste inclines to bright colors,
remember there are lovely shades in serges, nun’s veiling and drap s1
d’étés; but do not make the error of wearing ball dresses in public.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE ETIQUETTE OF CYCLING
(SEE PAGE 247.)
"In those vernal seasons of the year. when the air is soft and pieasant. it were an injury and a
sullenness against nature, not to go out and see her riches and partake of her rejoicing with heaVeu
Ind earth.”—MILTON.

CHAPTER XXVI.
CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES

f “If those who are the enemies of innocent amusements had the direction of
T the world, they would take away the spring and youth—the farmer from the
A year, and the latter from the human life.”

 

~BALZAC.

2‘ ‘ TIQUETTE for lovers of sport is as essential for guidance as it is
J E for the young debutante in society. Among the sports so general,

and so faithfully followed, we must first class cycling, for it has
3 taken such a firm hold upon all classes and all ages as to demand recog-
nition. To the hundreds of men and women the wheel is the greatest
benefaction of the time, not

   
  

s; Jig??? only affording rapid transit
%\ f/fkng/ to and from places of busi-
11/, {h N« 1/” (/2— - ness, but is also a delightful

and healthful recreation. Eti-
quette on Cycling is im-
perative, and although of
necessity many of the
rules thereof, being de-
duced from individual
opinions and the customs
of certain localities, are
extremely elastic; others
are the same the world
over and will be observed
by all who respect the
best “form.” Here we
Wish to record a protest
against following Eng-
lish or French form. If
there is one thing of
which more than another

252 | CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.

V the American woman should be proud, it is the independence accorded
to her in matters of this kind, and the confidence in her womanhood,
the faith in her up-rightness this independence implies. The say-
ing that, as a rule, “A woman receives no attention (desirable
or otherwise) which she does not invite,” is as true of the woman cycler
as the one who travels by steam car, street car or the simple pedestrian.
On account of the lower estimate placed upon womanhood in foreign
countries, the constant attendance either of an elderly woman or one
of the other sex may there be needful, but

IN AMERICA

the woman who minds her business may go wherever duty calls her.
Of course, the first essential in cycling is a. perfect wheel, safe, easy-
running, with saddle built high and wide in the back, sloping away and

downward in front, and fitted out with a clock, a. bell, luggage carrier, ‘

and if the rider cares for records, a cyclometer.

A lady can be as reserved upon a. wheel as in her parlor. No lady

Will permit a stranger to accost her, even if she is riding alone, unless
an accident or mishap to herself or wheel occurs, and then a true
gentleman may offer his assistance, which may be accepted or not, With-
out misconstruction or familiarity.
, The etiquette to be observed in cycling is to be civil to all; assist the
timid, and do not mock or laugh at awkwardness. If you have an
appointment to ride with a lady, be punctual, and accommodate your
pace to hers. A good rule to be observed in this respect is to never go
faster than you find it possible, and breathe through the nostrils. The
moment you are inclined to open your mouth you may know that you
are over-exerting yourself. Of course this advice would fall numb on
the ears of a “scorcher.”

COSTUME FOR THE WHEEL

Bloomers have been proven so inartistic, so ugly and so “loud” that
few ladies can be induced to wear them. The most quiet costume, con-
sisting of a skirt, two-thirds from the knee to the sole of the foot,
a. jacket, either tight-fitting or blouse, makes a modest outfit. The

 

:4 GENTLEMAN ESCORT. ‘ 253

boots should be high, or leather leggins
should be adopted. Never wear low shoes

 
  
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
  
  
  
 

on the wheel. An outing hat of rough
straw, the Tam O’Shanter, or a felt walk-
ing hat, are all pretty and tasteful. Some
like sailor hats. The colors for the suit
should be gray, brown, dark blue, or black,
although the latter shows dust and mud
sooner. An invitation to a ride on
the wheel needs no formality, and
may always be verbal. Have an
ammonia gun with you, for the benefit
of barking dogs who are bent on run-
ning in front of you, and giv-
' ing you a “header.” Always
carry an extra wrap or a loose
jacket to guard against those
obstinate inflictions termed
summer colds. Don’t wear a
yachting cap, chew gum, or
bend your back over the
handle bars. Either of these
things is far from ladylike.

’quWV‘v'“iZ . ‘

mm. w. ,,.

A GENTLEMAN ESCORT

The gentleman who accom-

u... "’“E Hawk-4w «€7.5qu

panies ladies must be ever
watchful to assist his com-
panions in every way. He
should be cap-able of repair-
ing any trifling injury to their
machines which may occur on
the route, and be at all times

, rovided with the proper tools for so doing. His place on the road is at

.y ‘ W5

‘l
””rnmw 'y

 

\

 

254 CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.

her left, that he may the more carefully guard her when meeting other
cyclers, teams, etc., he risking all danger from collisions.

MOUNTING

The gentleman accompanying the lady holds her wheel; she stands at
' the left, places her right foot across the frame to the right pedal, which ‘
at the same time must be raised; pushing this pedal causes the machine
to start, and then with the left foot in place she starts ahead very slowly,
in order to give her companion time to mount his wheel and join her. '
When their destination is reached the gentleman dismounts first and 2
appears at his ‘companion’s side to assist her, but if she be a true .
American woman she will help herself as much as possible. '

DISMOUNTING

To dismount in the most graceful form one should gradually slacken
speed, and when the left pedal is on the rise throw the weight of the 1
body upon it, cross the right foot over the frame of the machine, and ‘
with an assisting hand step with a light spring to the ground.

In meeting a party of cyclists who are acquaintances and desire to 3
stop for a little conversation the gentlemen of the party dismount and
sustain the ladies’ wheels, the latter retaining their positions in the 'f

saddle.
HOW TO RIDE

 
  
  
   
  
    

Above all else a lady should at all times maintain an upright posi-
tion, and on this account should be provided with a machine on which:
the handles turn upward rather than downward. The stooping posturef
assumed by so many ladies on the Wheel is not only coarse and decidedly:
ugly, but exceedingly harmful, and will, in a'very short time, tend to
curvature of the spine, compression of the lungs and their consequent;
diseases. Many riders claim that one rides much more easily, when;
facing the wind, to bend forward, and thus break its force, but it were;
far better to ride a shorter distance than to risk the ills of which
have spoken. Indeed, no woman should ever ride after a feeling 0}

 

  

“w, m, p,

»e
i,
l,
2
L:
:-

 

é:

 

are very popular, for they
give a sense of nearness and
“protection. Still, the genius

providing for sitting side by
side will have the blessings
of many who like to see the
face of their fair companion.
Properly used, the bicycle is
considered a promoter of

  
 
   
  
  
 
 

a»? ,

 

' TANDEM WHEELS. 255

weariness is experienced; the strain on the nerves and muscles is great

‘ and should never be protracted after Nature gives the warning.

The limit of speed is only a. little less important than the limit of
distance, which is designated by the feeling of weariness. No man can

7‘ ride at full speed for long distances and still retain health and perfect
a vigor, and it is certain that no woman can maintain a high rate of speed

for one mile without laying the foundation for future suffering. There
is no relaxation of the tension of either

   
 
 
 
   
    
 

muscles or nerves between the revolu-
tions of the pedals. Many ladies com-
plain, after riding for a time, of a sting-
ing sensation in the limbs and feet.
This is caused by the undue action of
the heart forcing the blood into
the arteries more rapidly than the
veins can return it,'and incipient
paralysis or apoplexy may result.

TANDEM \VHEELS

who invents a double wheel

health, developing, as it
does, muscles which are
othrewise seldom brought into play. It
secures for women that highly desirable
condition of flesh, a firm, solid tissue, when

Smuscles are flexed and a velvety softness ‘

ith, muscular relaxation.

 

256 . 3 CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.

REMINDERS FOR THE USE OF CYC‘LERS

 

Don’t try to raise your hat to a lady passing you until you are an
expert on your wheel. ;
Don’t wear a. red or gay-colored cap, under the impression that it is ;
stylish.

Don’t laugh at the figure other riders present, for it is not given
us to L

  
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
  
  
   
  

 

“Sae oorsel’s as ithers sae us.” .

Don’t neglect to turn to the right in passing another wheel or a,

vehicle.

Don’t ride fast down a steep hill with a curve at its foot. ,
Don’t ride fifteen miles at a scorching pace, and then drink copiously

of water and lie down on the grass. f

Don’t carry your bicycle down stairs under your arm. Your shoulder

is better adapted to it. 7‘

Don’t leave your wheel in a dark hall for other people to fall, over. _

GOLF

The game which now commands so much attention is a very trying‘yr
one to both nerves and the temper, and therefore good breeding enjoins ,-
upon those who play golf the necessity for strictly watching them-‘5,
selves,~lest, in the excitement of the moment, they commit a breach of"?
politeness. The game is slow, long and difiicult, and the handicap is-
almost impossible to arrange with precision and justice. i

ETIQUETTE OF GOLF

A single player has no standing and must always give way to a; j
properly constituted match.
No player, caddie, or onlooker should move or talk during a stroke; ;
No player should play from the tee until the party in front played ,
their second strokes, and are out of range, nor play up to the putting ‘
green till the party in front have holed out and moved away.
The player who has the honor should be allow ed to play beforehi .
opponent tees his ball. E

 

 

DANCING. - 257'

Players who have holed out should not try their putts over again
when other players are following them. _

Players looking for a lost ball must allow other matches coming up
to pass them. ‘-

' On request being made, a three-ball match must allow a single,
threesome or foursome to pass. Any match playing a whole round may
claim the right to pass a match playing a shorter round.

If a match fail to keep its place on the green, and lose in distance
more than one clear hole on those in front, it may be passed, on request
being made.

Turf cut or displaced by a stroke should be at once rep-laced.

A player should carefully fill up all holes made by himself in a
bunker.

It is the duty of an umpire to take cognizance of any breach of rule
that he may observe, whether he be appealed to or not.

DANCING

Dancing has become so generally acknowledged to be an innocent
recreation, and is practiced so universally, that the etiquette of dancing
demands a place here.

Why should people rail at germans and balls as vain displays of
fashion and finery? They represent far more than this: they are
gatherings of the grave and the gay, the witty and the wise; a cement-
ing together of all the varied elements which compose modern society
into one symmetrical whole; an aid to the acquisition of that case of
manner which all wish to possess.

The pleasures which these entertainments introduce are lasting in
their refining influence. Society is a school where friendly interchange
brings out the finer feelings, and quickens the indolent and careless
into action by observation and emulation.

The list of dances offered by society to its votaries is sufficiently
extensive to embrace all ages, and all tastes.

FASHIONABLE DANCTE'S

Among the most popular American dances may be mentioned the

258 ‘ CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.

galop, which is danced to quick music; the polka, which may be made
very spirited, especially so when the “hop, three glides and a rest” is
" danced to the music of two-four time. Another is the quadrille. The
last dance may be considered the conversational dance. One can
,. indulge in a lot of small talk, which, with smiles, renders the dance very
' pleasant to all participants.

THE “GERMAN”

While the German is to-day the most fashionable dance in society,
it should only be introduced at select parties, never at a public ball. It
is the most “taking” dance there is for the closing of an evening’s pro-
gramme, all the couples in attendance being permitted to dance if they
choose. To be voted a success, however, the'leading couple must exhibit
great skill in formations of figures. Of the latter there are many, some
of which can be made exceedingly clever.

 

INFORMAL DANCES

The informal dance is very popular, from its informal character.
Invitations are sent on “at home” cards, with the word “dancing” added,
to indicate the sort of entertainment to be given. The hostess receives
the guests just inside the parlor. Tea and coffee are ofiered to the
guests at the end of the first dance, and the usual ices are served all
through the afternoon. Between each dance guests go to and fro from
the tea-room. Servants stand behind the tables for the purpose of
passing what is needed. Refreshments are of the simplest character.

HOW TO GIVE A DANCING PARTY

‘ Invitations to “dances” should be sent out from ten days to two
weeks previous, and should be responded to at once, that the hostess
may know about how many to entertain. These invitations may be in-
formal or quite elaborate as the hostess sees fit to issue. 1’

Guests may arrive at the ball-room at any hour between eight and '1;
nine. Avoid going too early. ,,
Four musicians are ample provision for ’the musical part, and the :
largest room in the house should be used for the ball. It should be as ':

 

«y. m w,— vvxjhyj - 'fim

WHO RECEIVES THE GUESTS. 259

barren of furniture as possible. Pictures and carpets should be removed,
and only a row of chairs left standing against the wall for the use of the
lookers- -on, and the tired dancers, when their partners lead them to a
seat.

Invite the guests to a number that will prevent crowding, , and
endeavor to make up a company of those who approve of and are fond
of dancing.

Do not wound the prejudices of those who are opposed to dancing by

. inviting them to grace the occasion.

 

There should be a dressing- room for the gentlemen, where a man-
servant should be in readiness to take the hats, coats and canes and to
show any attention required. The ladies’ dressing room should be
provided with several glasses, brushes, combs, hair pins and all the
accessories of the toilet. A maid should be in attendance to assist the
ladies. ‘

After the ladies have adjusted their toilets, they rejoin their escorts, ‘
proceed to the ball-room, and advance toward the host and hostess,
where they pay their respects in a few well-chosen words. The ladies
and gentlemen are then free to walk about, indulge in snatches of con-
versation, or amuse themselves as best they can until dancing begins.
A lady should always dance the first dance with her escort.

WHO RECEIVES THE GUESTS

The duty of receiving the guests belongs to the hostess, but the host
should always be at hand to assist her if needed. When there are sons?
in the family giving the ball, they should look after the interests of the
young ladies, procuring them partners for the dances, and assisting
in every other way needed. The daughters of the house must see that
their friends are enjoying themselves, and not dance while other young
ladies are being neglected.

MISCELLANEOUS DANCING RULES

As introductions at balls are understood to be for the purpose of
dancing, it is not necessary to recognize the person introduced to you

260 , CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES. ,

. afterward, though it is polite to bow. A gentleman must not solicit
more than two dances from a young lady who-m he has met for the first
time that evening. , ..

It is very poor taste for a gentleman and lady to place their joined Lil"
hands against the hip or side of the gentleman. Always keep the hands
clear of the body. .

Gentlemen should be constantly on the watch during round dances
to see that he and his partner do not collide with other couples. Such
an accident would mark him a poor dancer.

Noisy talking is improper in a ball-room. A‘ _,

Never overlook or refuse to fill an engagement upon your card or
erase the name in favor of some other gentleman. It is unpardonable.

White gloves (kid of course) are worn. Light and very delicate
shades are permitted, also. Gloves are removed from the hands at '
supper. I

. A married couple should not dance together more than once in an
evening. _

If a lady refuses to dance with a gentleman, unless she is previously
engaged, she should remain seated until that dance is finished. '

A lady should not enter the ball-room leaning on the arm of her
escort. She should enter first, the gentleman closely following.

In asking a lady to dance, the correct form is, “May I have the "
pleasure of the next waltz (or german) with you?” If accepted, the
gentleman should enter her name on his card, and his last name on hers. I

When a gentleman’s hands perspire, and there should be danger ‘
of soiling his partner’s dress, by contact while waltzing, it is an evidence K
of care to hold his handkerchief in his hand to shield the dress. A '_
gentleman will never encircle the waist of his partner for a waltz until 5‘
the music begins, and will remove his arm as soon as it ceases. 3‘

AN ANCIENT EXERCISE

   

Dancing is almost as old as the world. The oldest records of the race, .:
sacred and profane, allude to it. An English writer declares that it“brings
young people together for a sensible and innocent recreation, and takes

' "CARD PLA YING. 261

them away7 from silly if not bad ones.” In most ancient nations it was
part of their religious rites. ‘ Aristotle ranked dancing with poetry, and
Socrates took pains to learn the art. The Spartans passed a law requir-
ing parents to train their children in dancing after the age of five years.
The modern dances practiced for amusement are, however, much quieter
and less exciting than the old ones associated with religion and war.

 

CARD PLAYING

’.,"
.. I
.3
.
g;
i;
5
i
E.

Although card playing in the family circle and at social gatherings
is now recognized as a perfectly harmless amusement, yet there can be
E, found many who have conscientious scruples against cards, and such
people should not be asked or urge-d to play. If, however, there are no
; such objections to cards, it is rude to» refuse to join in a game which
cannot be played unless you help make up the required number.

Married and elderly people take the precedence at cards.

NEVER ASK FOR CARDS

Guests should never call for a game of cards, but leave the suggestion
to the host or hostess. The preferable way is to furnish cards and
tables, and letting who prefer a game of cards to conversation or music
suit their own tastes.

Soiled cards should never be used for any occasion.

HUSBAND AND WIFE AS PARTNERS

Husbands and wives should not play as partners, for their knowledge
of each other’s modes of playing gives them an unfair advantage of their
opponents. '

A gentleman or lady will never cheat at cards, and they will not
get excited or lose their temper.

PROGRESSIVE CARD PARTIES

These have become so much in vogue that a word or two regarding
the etiquette of same is quite appropriate here. There are various ways
of conducting them. It frequently happens that they form a series of
i. entertainments for the winter. In this case a certain number of mem-

 

262 ‘ CYCLING, GOLF, DANCING AND GAMES.

bers constitute a club. Each lady member then generally entertains
the club in the manner following the letters of the alphabet. Mrs. A.
holds the first party, Mrs. B. the second and so on. The dress suitable
on these occasions can be simple or more elaborate, according to
the wearer’s taste and means. ,

The main point to consider in everything connected with the game is
to yield to the deference of others. A self-willed woman, the onellack-
ing the consideration for others—showing by every act and look that
she is working for the prize, is soon silently voted a selfish and undesir-
able member, and in all probability will not be invited to j‘oin the second
season.

Cheating at all times is in the worst of “form.”

SILENCE BEST

Do not keep up a. running fire of remarks while playing, for it dis-
tracts the attention from the game. Attend closely to the matter in
hand, and keep a dignified silence. Do not hurry up some one who
is a little slow, it confuses them, and places you in a bad light.

BETTING

Betting is considered very poor form, although English society occa-
sionally sanctions the risking of small sums.

DEALING THE CARDS

Let the cards lie on the table until all have been dealt. You have
an equal chance with others in deciding what you will do. It is well to
have a fair knowledge of the many games, so that you can contribute
to the pleasure of others. Ladies should always cut for deal.

 

 

  

 

 

 

CHAPTER XXVII.
COURTSHlP-AND ITS DEMANDS

“Love is the purification of the heart from self; at strengthens and en-
nobles the character, gives higher motive and a nobler aim to every action of
life, and makes both man and woman strong, noble and courageous; and the
power to love truly and devotedlg is the noblest gift with which a human
being can be endowed; but it is a sacred fire that must not be burnt to idols.”

—M1ss JEWSBURY.

OURTSHIP is that delightful boundary land where a. lady and

C gentleman, attracted toward each other by real (or fancied)

tastes and aims, see only the beloved, and where no thought or

dread of the future intrudes—that future which brings to both griefs

and joys innumerable. When courtship, that halcyon period, is properly
conducted, and its lessons heeded, it is the sweetest period of life.

The first ingredient in this attraction between man and woman}
should be unselfish love. No amount of respect or confidence is of any 1 I,
value without it has unselfish love for its foundation. 0 rnics and dis-p. : /
appointed ones may sneer at the passion, but it is after all the pivot on K
which the world revolves, and without it patience, forbearance and
unselfishness will ever be lacking.

God implanted this beautiful sentiment in the hearts of His kind.
And when courtship is properly conducted, the marriage which follows
it is based on a solid structure. There are two kinds of courtship:
the right kind, where both parties study the heart and mind, the tastes,
the aims of the other, striving to harmonize and mould them into one
perfect whole, and the wrong kind, where deceit and cunning are prac—
ticed, where pretence takes the place of honesty, where the true nature .
and the life is clouded. The last is not love—it is merely a desire to
gain an object at any hazard, letting the future take care of itself.

DUTY OF PARENTS

Parents are often accused of having little sympathy with the young
263

264 COURTSHIP AND ITS DEMANDS.

in their attachments. No doubt it is true that they have laid themselves
open to this charge, but they have not intended in the sense which is
implied. Had they, however, more sympathy of the proper sort they
would teach their daughters the duties which married life brings; they
would instruct them that happiness is impossible where the intended
p, husband’s habits are wrong; that, as he demands truth, purity, upright-
ness, so must he give it in return.

But what shall we say of the parents who would urge a union for
their pure young daughter with a man whom she hates, whose life has
'been a wild scene of fast living, because he is rich, and “an eligible
' party.” Is there a baser deed than this? They go about in society
triumphing in their success. What are honor and fidelity and
all the heavenly virtues! Subjects for. ridicule. They have sold their
child for wealth, luxury, and worldly pleasures, and their friends smile
in derision. Another life is shipwrecked.

PROP OSING MARRIAGE

In France this step is taken by first asking the parents’ consent to
wooing the young lady, and all preliminaries are settled by them. In
England the young man first asks the consent of the father and mother
, ere he addresses himself to the daughter. Here the matter is left wholly
to the young people. Which way is productive of most happiness in the
married relation? We leave our readers to decide. R

But as courtship precedes the engagement, it is proper to under-
stand the etiquette of this tryng period; for after the engagement, it
is a very delicate matter to withdraw should either party so desire. A
“long, happy courtship, where the hearts of both are unfolding in the
\f’sunshine of love, is far more conducive to married happiness than a
brief and hasty one, Where neither has had opportunity to study the

other.

How easy to adjust differences beforehand! Plans can be laid for
the future, hopes shared, and all the social demands enjoyed together.

3No man has a right to propose marriage to a girl until his prospects and “

‘v‘jposition justify him in offering her his hand in marriage. A fortune

23
3;

 

 

THE ENGAGEMENT RING. 265

is not needed, but a permanent and comfortable position will set his

mind at rest, and free hers from the fear of privation and neglect.

araarvawy .

THE ENGAGEMENT RING

As soon as the engagement is made, it is the custom for the gentle-7:

3 man to present his fiancée with a ring. Do not give a diamond unless
' it can be afiorded. Some give a little circlet of gold, and some give rings .

set with stones. Again, some are fortunate enough to have an heirloom
which they can bestow upon the loved'one, and which she would cherish

7 far beyond the most brilliant diamond. The ring, be it what it may,

should be worn on the ring finger of the left hand

CONDUCT TOWARD A FIANCE‘E

The manner of the gentleman should be marked by the utmost polite-

. ness toward the lady he has chosen. He should not, however, forget
. that he has duties to perform in the social circle, and that he must pay
‘ those attentions to other ladies that mark him as a gentleman. The

fiancée is also entitled to courtesies at the hands of other gentlemen,
and both can show how fully they trust and confide in each other, With-

_ out making themselves appear exclusive.

THE PARENTS’ DUTY

The young man now has the entrée of the fiancée’s household. He
should not abuse it, however, by too great freedom or familiarity.

‘ He should be dignified, and attentive to his future mother-in-law. He

should take interest in the thoughts and habits of the new relatives,
but should not be familiar or intrusive, holding himself in reserve, nor
presuming to dictate.

The affianced’s parents should make the first advances toward the‘
lady of their son’s choice by calling, or writing and by inviting her to
visit them, that they may become better acquainted.

Long engagements often terminate unhappily, from What cause it

' is hard to explain. And yet short ones are equally hazardous.

 

266 COURTSHIP MND ITS DEMANDS.
BROKEN ENGAGE‘MEVNTS

If any circumstance forces the disrupting of an engagement, great
,tenderness should be exhibited. Let every gift, the ring, all photographs
"and letters that have been exchanged, be returned to each. Especially
“careful should he be to restore every scrap of writing which she has
sent him, nor has he a right to give any explanation as to his'course

save to the lady herself. She, too, should preserve the strictest secrecy
as to the reasons for breaking the engagement should she be the one
to withdraw.

CHANGING ONE’ S HABITS

Up to the time of the engagement the aflanced has associated much
with his own sex. He has, perhaps, formed habits of smoking, late
hours, suppers, etc. It is now proper to make a change. All these acts
will have great influence upon the loved one. He has now entered into
new relations, and his life must conform to her wishes. Clubs and
, societies rob her of companionship. A home will soon have to be built,
and these minor temptations should be ignored wholly.

The fiancée should give up her frivolities and flirtatious. She is to
become a helpmeet, and must set about preparing herself for the new
responsibilities that will come.

SUGGESTIONS

‘An engaged man has no right to appear at public places with other
ladies while she remains at home. He is now her sole escort, and the
claims of all others should be put aside when she Wishes his services.
Neither should she accept any escort but his when he can attend her.

A lady should not betoo gushing in the exhibition of her regard.
Always maintain a modest reserve, and if by any untoward chance the
engagement should be broken, she will not need blush over undue
affection. He will respect her discretion.

‘ A young man should never prolong his evening visit later than ten
o’clock, unless the visit is a family one, and they are all in the habit
of sitting up late.

 

 

 

 

THE GAME OF GOLF
(LEE PAGE 254.)
“Sights and sounds.
Nor rural sights alone, but rural sounds
Exhilarate the spirit. and res‘ore
The tone of languid nalure."— COWPER.

 

 

SUGGESTIONS. 269

  
  

Do not try the affection of either by making the other jealous. » Some-
times the regard is forever lost by such a course.
A domineering lover will make a, domineering husband.

WHAT AND WHEN IN “GOOD FORM”

6 [After the engagement is announced, it is in order for the lover to f;
i make elegant presents to. the lady, if he so desires.

 

JUST PREOEDING MARRIAGE

It is correct for a lady to drive alone with her intended in frequented /
places, or in lonely country roads in case it becomes necessary.

She can now go out for a quiet walk after wedding cards are issued] v”
Once this was deemed very improper. 4 ’
'It is the custom now for the young lady to write to her intimate

  

 

 

  
     
  

276 COURTSHIP AND ITS DEMANDS.

friends telling them that her enga gement will be announced soon.
is then proper for the friends to call or send a note of congratulations,

COURTESIES DUE EACH OTHER

If business calls either of the loved ones away for a time, don’t om
to write often, if only the shortest letter. These silent messenger???
cement the afiections, and keep them from dying out.

makes home beautiful.

WHEN TO BE MARRIED

In ancient times the most desirable month for marriage Was

and golden?

 

 

  

- , CHAPTER xxvm.
WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM

“A good wife is Heaven’s last best gift to man—his angel and minister of
graces innumerable—his gem of many virtueswhis casket of jewels;~—her voice
is sweet music—her smiles, his brightest day—her kiss, the guardian of his
innocence—her arms, the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam
of his life—her industry, his purest wealth—her economy, his safest steward—
her lips, his faithful counselors—her bosom, the softest pillow of his careswand
her prayers, the ablest advocates of Heaven’s blessings on his head.”

——JEREMY TAYLOR.

with its rich glow of romance and poesy, will never go out of
fashion. Since the wedding of Cana,‘the ceremonies and customs
attending a wedding have been fraught with continual interest.

A wedding is an impOrtant event in any family. It invests each
individual member with dignity, from the paterfamilias down to the
wee toddler whose big sister is the heroine of the coming affair. ,

A book on etiquette would be very incomplete which omitted some -
instructions upon the forms to be observed in the conducting of a wed-

a N INSTITUTION of such antiquity as marriage, and invested

ding, for marriage is a religious as well as a legal rite. These customs
have been handed down from generation to generation through the
churches, those conservators of so many good things. But although
these forms are in their general outline ever the same, they may be
varied to agree with individual tastes and means.

OUTLAY OFTEN TOO GREAT

Sometimes parents, through natural anxiety to do their loved ones
all possible honor, exceed their means and incur expenses which they
can ill afford. And yet, who can censure them, when it be remembered
that the great event marks the turning point in the life of the fair young
daughter who soon leaves the old home to become the mistress of a new '

home—its guiding star.
271

‘272 WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM.

Therefore, it is not strange that parents and friends look forward
eagerly to the joyous festive occasion. Were but a small portion of the
kindly wishes uttered in behalf of the young couple realized, the mar-
riage state would be perpetual sunshine.

Should clouds, however, arise, and dark days come, with love at the
helm, and an earnest mutual determination to do right, and to live for
each other, a newly married pair can smile at any fate.

THE BETROTHAL

Before the wedding comes the betrothal. This is a halcyon period.

“He that feels
No love for woman, has no heart for them,
Nor friendship or affection I—he is foe
To all the finer feelings of the soul;
And to sweet Nature’s holiest, tenderest ties,
A heartless renegade.”

There is no formal announcement of a betrothal in this country,
except as the information finds its way in the society columns of the
newspaper; but in other lands the festivities are very gay. It is in

N good taste here, however, for the father of the bride to give a dinner
and announce the engagement before rising from the table. Congratu-
lations are then in order.

IN HONOR OF THE COMING EVENT

After the engagement has been communicated to the friends, those
who are in the habit of entertaining may give receptions, dinners or
theater parties to the engaged couple if they so desire.

THE BRIDE NAMES THE DAY

i It is the expected bride’s prerogative to name the “happy day.”
éTastes are divided as to the most desirable months. May is shunned
,' g by those who are in the least superstitious, as it is deemed unlucky.
The ancient Romans, who were dominated by omens and signs, regarded
it as an unfortunate month, and Ovid said, “That time, too, was not
auspicious for the marriage torches of the widow or of the virgin. She

~. Who married then, did not long remain a wife.” Just after Easter seems

 

3
15

  

 

  

 
  

THE LADY’S CARDS. 273

a favorite season for weddings, and the fall months are also much liked. 3 ;.
THE LADY’S CARDS

Immediately preceding the sending out of the invitations for the.
marriage, the bride that is to be, leaves her card at the homes of her
friends in person, but does not make a call, unless she makes. an excepa'
tion in favor of an aged orsick person. I

After this formality has been attended to, and the invitations are .

 

distributed, the young lady should not appear in public.

SENDING OUT INVITATIONS

 

If the ceremony is to take place in church, to be followed by a‘

reception, invitations are sent ten days in advance. Church weddings;

:«e = v,“ “if

can be made very pretty, andare quite in consonance with the 'solemnity
of the occasion. It is an ecclesiastical affair, and should be performed
in the sanctuary. It is quite fashionable to be wedded in church, and

"-1? *wfmswr.‘ WI '1

return to the house to don the traveling costume and leave for a matri-g
monial trip. ‘

The most commonly accepted form of invitation is worded thus:

..
'5
f
g
.9
Z

MR. AND MRS. THOMAS CLARKE
request your presence»
at the marriage of their daughter
GLADYS
to
CHARLES ‘W. ALLEN,
on Tuesday evening, March 11th,
at eight o’clock,
Christ Church, Indianapolis.

 

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{27“W‘€‘? ”MW“

»* ‘ ‘"-«qi'V‘F‘rx'AiStfifl'fii'T-‘Zp s

This invitation includes only the ceremony at. the church. Those
friends Whose presence is desired at the reception receive a card of this,
i

nature, inclosed with the invitation: '

MR. AND MRS. THOMAS CLARKE
At home,
Tuesday evening, March 11th,
from half-past eight until eleven o’clock.
62 Elizabeth St.

 

274 I WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM.
A card still more simple is preferred; as—
Reception at 62 Elizabeth St. at half-past eight.
ADMISSION CARDS T0 CHURCH

An admission card to a church strikes one rather disagreeably, and
yet where both parties have an extensive acquaintance, they are neces-
sary to prevent over-crowding, and are worded thus:

Christ Church.
Ceremony at eight o’clock.
Present card at door.

‘ Invitations Should be printed or engraved upon note-paper of ex-
cellent quality, and the envelope must fit the inclosed invitation closely.

MARRIAGE COSTUMES

/ Many very fashionable people who dislike the excitement and display
/of a public wedding, are married in their traveling costumes, with no
one but the family and a few very near friends-present. All expenses
are paid by the bride, save the license and the clergyman’s fee. A quiet
{wedding is always the rule, after a recent death in the family, or some
[other afiliction.

CHOOSING BRIDES-MAIDS

Brides-maids are taken from the relatives or most intimate friends
——-the sisters of the bride and of the bridegroom where possible. The
bridegroom chooses his groomsmen and ushers from his circle of rela-
V tives and friends of his own age, and from the relatives of his fiancee
of a suitable age. The brides-maids should be a little younger than the
:bride. These should be from two to six in number, and they Should ex-
ercise taste in dress, looking as pretty as possible, being careful, how-
ever, not to outshine the bride. White is the accepted dress for
brides-maids, but they are not limited to this. They can select light and
delicate colors, Showing care that everything harmonizes. Pink, blue,
sea-green, corn, or lavender, makes a. very pretty contrast to the bride,
who should invariably be clothed in white. ‘

 

"1
'1
i
-;

Glam». . A. .

 

 

 

PRESENTS T0 BRIDES—MAIDS. 275

  
  
 
 
  
   
   
 
 
   
   
   
 
 
   
  
  
  
   
  
 
  
 
 
   

The addition of some pretty children under ten, who follow the
brides-maids in the procession to the altar, and who are called flower
girls, is a beautiful innovation.

PRESENTS TO BRIDES-MAIDS

A brides-maid must never disappoint the bride by a failure to keep
her engagement. Only severe sickness or death will excuse her. It is
quite customary for the bride to bestow some present on each brides-
maid, while the groom remembers each groomsman in a similar manner.
It is also a pretty custom for the bride to give a dinner to the brides-
maids the evening previous to the wedding.

THE WEDDING-RING CEREMONY

The wedding-ring is used in the marriage service of nearly all denomt

(but a rather narrow circlet.

"" The use of the wedding-ring is a very ancient custom. It is probable
"hat it was used by the Swiss Lake dwellers, and other primitive people.
11 very early times it was common among the Hebrews, who possibly
iOIT'OWQd it from the Egyptians, among whom, as well as the Greeks
.nd the Romans, the wedding—ring was worn. An English book on
tiquette, published in 1732, says, the bride may choose on which finger
he ring shall be placed, and it says some brides prefer the thumb, others
the index finger, others the middle finger, “because it is the largest,” and
j"fothers the fourth finger, because “a vein proceeds from it to the heart.”
The engagement ring is removed at the altar by the bridegroom, who ‘
passes the wedding-ring (a plain gold band, with the date and the '

bride’s finger, to stand guard over its precious fellow. Some husbands
who like to observe these pretty little fancies, present. their wives of a \
year’s standing with another ring, 'either chased or plain, to be worn
n the wedding-ring finger, and which is called the “keeper.” This, too,
supposed to “stand guard” over the wedding-ring. '

nations. It is always a plain gold band, no longer heavy and solid, '

initials engraved inside) to the clergyman, to be used by him in the cere- : «
mony. On the way home from church, or as soon thereafter as con- 3
venient, the bridegroom may put the engagement ring back on the‘:

 

  

276 WEDDINGS, AND HOW 1:0 CONDUCT'THEM.

 

m

DUTIES OF THE “BEST MAN” AT CHURCH

2i

The groomsmen at a wedding, of whom there are generally four or
more, have a multitude of duties to perform. One of them is chosen j;
master of ceremonies, and his office is to be early at church, and having :
a list of the invited guests, he must allot a space for their accommoda-
tion by stretching a cord or ribbon (sometimes a circle of natural
flowers) across the aisles for a boundary line. He sees that. the organist 7.‘
has the musical program at hand; that the hassocks on which the bride ‘:
and groom kneel are in their proper position, and covered with a spotless
white cloth. He escorts ladies to seats, and asks, if necessary, the names
of those who are unknown to him, that he may, by consulting his list,’_:
r place the relatives'and nearest friends of the bride by the altar.

USHERS AT THE HOUSE

Two of- the groomsmen, as soon as the pair are made one, hasten to _
the house at which the reception is to be held, to receive the newly
wedded pair and their guests. '

CONDUCTING THE GUESTS

Another duty of the ushers at the house is to conduct the guests to L
the bride and groom, and present those who may not have been ac-
quainted. They introduce the guests to the parents. It frequently
happens that members of the two families, living at. a. distance, have
never met; so it becomes necessary to introduce them. In all such cases 5-
the gentleman who is the escort of a lady follows her with the usher,
and is in turn introduced. I

The usher attends to every lady who has no escort, and sees at supper a?
that she is properly served. ‘I

HOW THE USHERS DRESS

The dress of the ushers must consist of the regulation full evening
toilet—white neckties, and delicately tinted gloves. They may also 1
wear a handsome button-hole bouquet.

  
 

 

 

. .

LEAVING THE ALTAR. ' I 277,

,PROCEEDING TO THE ALTAR

   
 
   
   
   
  
  
 
  
 
  
 
 
  
 
  
   
 
 
   
 
  
 
  

In proceeding to the altar, the flower girls walk first. Then the’
brides-maids follow, each leaning on the arm of a groomsman, while the
mother of the bride comes next, on the arm of the groom. The bride v”
enters leaning on her father’s arm, or the next male relative who is much '
her senior in years. They pass to the altar, the brides-maids turning to”
the left, the groomsmen to the right. The groom places the mother just
behind the brides-maids, 0r seats her in a front pew at the left. The
father remains standing where he can give away the bride, who stands
at the left of the groom. '

In some cases the groom prefers not to walk down the aisle with)
the bridal party, but comes in at the study door and meets the bride atg‘v"
the altar. In either case he walks out with her.

LEAVING THE ALTAR

Soon as the couple have been pronounced one, the head brides-maid
puts aside the veil from the face of the bride and they then proceed down
the aisle, the bridal pair walking first. The brides-maids and grooms-
men follow next, the father and mother being last. I

MARRIED IN A TRAVELING DRESS

If a bride is married in her traveling dress, she wears a hat or bonneta.
The groom is dressed in dark clothes. They do not require brides-maids
or groomsmen, but have ushers, while the groom has his “best man,”
whose place it is to attend to necessary details.

STARING AT THE BRIDAL PARTY

The guests should not rush out of church for the purpose of collecting
on the sidewalk to get a look at the bride. They should remain quietly
in the church until the wedding procession has passed out.

THE RECEPTION

At the reception following, half of the brides-maids stand on the left
of the bride and half on the left of the groom.

 

  

278 WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM.

" . Kissing the bride is fast going out of fashion in the best circles. It I
is a. dreadful ordeal for a young and timid bride, and should be laid on
the shelf with many other ridiculous customs.

DRESS OF THE BRIDE

The dress of the bride should be devised according to her means—-
4 . but it is imperative that it is white, and may be muslin, silk or satin,
according to her means or taste. A veil may or may not be worn; one
composed of tulle is more dainty in its effect than a lace one. But for a
very fleshy bride lace will be best, as tulle has the quality of making
one’s proportions 100k larger. The orange blossom has always been
adopted for ornamentation, and is very beautiful. But if these cannot
be procured, other natural flowers can take their place. If jewelry is
worn, it should be something very elegant and chaste.

LENGTH OF RECEPTION

The reception should be about two hours’ duration. When the time
of departure on the wed-ding journey draws near, the young couple
quietly withdraw from the festivities Without making any adieus. None
but the most intimate friends remain to wish them bon voyage.

WEDDING GIFTS

, The showing of the wedding gifts is left to the taste of the bride.
She need no longer exhibit them on the day of the wedding, ticketed and
. labeled with the names of their givers, like dry goods in a shop window
unless she so chooses. ' There are so many beautiful articles which can be .
fittingly sent as wedding gifts, that it is almost impossible to par-
ticularize. Among them {are pictures,.china, bric-a-brac, vases, clOcks,
statuary ornaments, jewelry, books, and even pieces of furniture. For-
merly it was only thought proper to give silverware and jewelry, but
common sense has come to the front in these days, and ostentatious
display no longer prevails in good society.

The neatest way to give a wedding present, is to have. it packed at '
the shop where it is purchased and sent directly to the bride with the

 

  

 

.5 . MARRIAGE OF A WIDOW. 279

l ver’s card. She should immediately after the wedding acknowledge
1 51e same by a personal note' 1n her own handwriting. No friend should
a‘pesitate to give some little token if they so choose because they cannot

   
 

give an expensive present.) It is often these little gifts prove more
esirable than those representing money value.

,MARRIAGE OF A WIDOW

 

When a Widow remarries, her wedding costume should be of some 1
ight-colored silk if married at home, and she should omit the veil.‘
neither should she have brides-maids, but should be attended 'by her
ather, brother, or an elderly male relative. If the ceremony takes place

1 church, she should be dressed in a colored silk or cloth, and wear a
onnet. She should remove her first wedding-ring, out of deference to
he feelings of the groom.

The refreshments at a wedding reception consist of salads, oysters,

 
   

 

 

    
    
  
    
   
    

old chicken, ices, coffee and confectionery. These may be served from
center table in the dining-room, the guests being seated against the

‘all and the refreshments passed.

Parents and friends who are in mourning should leave off their

omber garments at the wedding. 01' course they may be resumed after

he bride’s departure.

THE WEDDING TRIP

The wedding tour is no longer considered absolutely necessary.{‘ /
1 any young couples who are going at once to housekeeping, do not take;
trip, but proceed direct from the church to their future home, where
he reception is held. In this case, the duties of the head usher are
he same as at the reception, save that he is assisted in taking charge of
he guests by the mother of the bride.

AVOID SHOW 0F AFFECTION

If a tour is made, avoid any silly manifestations of affection in public. ‘_
bserve a respectful reserve toward each other; thus you will not I,
,xpose yourselves to ridicule by demonstrations of affection which
‘hould be kept for the sacred privacy of home.

   

280 WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM.

CHANGING THE MIDDLE NAME

 

A bride may after her marriage drop her middle name, and adopt
her maiden name in its place, as—Mrs. Nellie Winn Seymour, instead
' of Mrs. Nellie Maria Seymour. We think this a good fashion, as it helps ‘:
to a knowledge of the family to which the bride belonged, ere her mar. -
riage, and saves confusion. Widows often retain the names of their first
( husbands, as Mrs. Belle Hopkins Gill. '

WEDDING-CAKE“ AS A SOUVENIR

Wedding-cake is not sent out as formerly. In lieu of that it is piled ?
up in tasty little boxes on a side-table at the reception, and each guest
takes just one box.

WHAT A BRIDEGRIOOM MAY PAY FOR

 

Most bridegrooms would, from the fullness of their hearts, pay for
everything connected with the coming event, but this would offend the
delicacy of the bride and her friends. There is a law of etiquette con-
cerning this, as all other matters. We therefore append a brief summing .3
up of what he may pay for without trespassing upon those customs ‘2
which have been observed from earliest times, and which fall within
the province of the parents of the bride. _.
, He should not fail to send the wedding bouquet to the bride, on the ‘1
morning of the ceremony. He also should, if his means permit, present '

the bride with some article of jewelry. 1

! He should pay the clergyman’s fee (this is handed to the clergyman
'by the best man after the ceremony), consisting of any amount which '
the groom thinks proper; but never less than $5.00, while $20.00 is even
modest. Bouquets to the brides-maids; scarf-pins, cane-s, sleeve buttons,

L L; . «Li/x.:nv.i._‘k.m

or any other little remembrance which his ingenuity may suggest, to
the groomsmen.

WHAT THE PARENTS PAY FOR

“The groom should on no account pay for the cards, the carriages,
nor the entertainment, nor anything connected with the wedding. t

 

  
 

var»

 

meiimfl§fyfv . .A ‘ . .

  
 

 

STYLE OF WEDDING CARDS. "281

“The reason for this is, that an engagement may be broken even after ;
the cards are out, and it would then remain for the parents of the bride
to either repay the outlay, or stand in the position of being indebted to
the discarded son-in-law. '

“In addition to other details, the parents of the bride should pay for
the cards sent out after marriage. These are generally ordered with the

announcement cards.”

STYLE‘ OF WEDDING-CARDS

Fashions in wedding-cards are constantly changing. Any good
stationer is provided with the newest and most approved styles. The
fantastically ornamented cards of a few years ago are happily sup-
planted by plainer and less showy ones. They should be of a fine quality,
yet of heavy board, and engraved in script.

WHEN NOT TO CALL UPON A BRIDE

If you do not receive a wedding-card, do not call upon a newly
married couple. There is a sort of a tacit understanding that only those
receive them whose acquaintance they wish to retain.

HOME WEDDINGS

Home weddings are much simpler than church weddings, and can be

made very beautiful. An arch of flowers may be placed in the parlor, . .
under which the young couple stand, with the clergyman before them.
The bridal party enters, as in church, and after having been pronounced
man and wife, they turn and face their guests, receiving their con-
gratulations.

The recipients of invitations at the church ceremony, call or leave
cards within a month after the wedding, while those invited to the recep-
tion call within ten days after the wedding upon the parents.

A PRIVATE WEDDING

If. the wedding is strictly private the bride’s parents usually send the
following card during the absence of the pair upon their bridal tour:

.282 ? WEDDINGS, AND HOW TO CONDUCT THEM.

MR. AND MRS. JOHN DEAN HOWARD
announce the marriage of their daughter
LUCIE
to
JOSEPH FRENCH BRYANT,
Thursday, October 30, $7

1899.

 

. NOTES OF CONGRATULATION

All who receive such cards should send notes of congratulation tel
the parents, and also to the bride and groom, when intimate friendship
warrants it.

.t;

 

THE RETURN FROM THE BRIDAL TOUR ‘7',
iii

The newly married pair receive in their new home on their return“
It is now a pretty custom to have the announcements of such receptlon‘l

days with the wedding- cards, and merely state the fact thus: 5
Tuesdays in November.
22 Anderson St.

 

If these receptions are to be held' in the evening this should be stated
also, as—
Tuesday evenings in November.

It is very common for the bride’s parents to give the young couplefi
a reception upon their return; this is followed by one given the-m by
~ the parents of the groom. At these receptions, the bride wears dark
' silk, as rich and elegant as her means permit, but without bridal ornaJ
ments. If she wishes, she can wear her wedding- -dress at parties or
formal dinners, but the veil and flowers are worn no more.

A BRIDE’S OUTFIT

The bride’s outfit should be selected with special reference to the?!
position in life she expects to hold, and the income of the future hus-L
\, band. Rich and extravagant dressing is in bad taste under any circumf
‘» stances. Neither should she purchase an immense stock of clothes, to
lay and grow yellow. It looks as though she never expected the ma .

  
   

 

MARKING GIFTS. 283

 

“.5. she marries to give her a cent. If she has an enormous sum furnished? ‘ /
E: her by her father, she may lay part of it by, to replenish with as shet V
L, needs it. Buy only enough for a journey and a year’s wear. / ,2

I

MARKING GIFTS

All plate or other gifts which are to be marked should bear the
initials of the bride, or her monogram. This is her own personal prop— _
erty, and she may bequeath it at her death to whomsoever she chooses.

A HINT TO THE FUTURE HUSBAND

Don’t haunt the house Of your loved one for a few days previous to
the wedding. There are many matters to be attended to, requiring her
counseling with her elders, and long interviews tire and annoy her.
Besides, a loving daughter naturally desires to be with the mother for
the few days left her. She is none the less loyal to you for this afiection
for her mother, and you will be none the loser for your forbearance.

CORDIALITY

The young husband in meeting the wife’s acquaintances or the newly‘
wedded wife in meeting the husband’s acquaintances should break all
formality and reserve and cultivate a cordiality, even though they
may not feel it in particular cases. To master the shortcomings of our
natures is not deception, and while it may at first appear like it, yet in
the end we find that the effort leads us to like rather than dislike the
person to whom we have felt a prejudice.

' CARRY ENTERTAINMENT WITH US

Wherever we go, whether among the husband’s friends or else-
where, we should endeavor to carry entertainment with us. A cordial
manner invariably pleases better than brilliancy even. Emerson says
that “fashion is good sense entertaining company; it hates corners
and sharp points of character, hates quarrelsom-e, egotistical, Solitary

 

     

v
y .

284 WEDDINGS, AND HOW‘TO CONDUCT THEM.

 

and gloomy people, hates whatever can interfere with total hlending of
parties, While it values all particularities as in the highest degree re-
freshing which can consist With good-fellowship.” W'hile fine manner
‘ is often a gift of nature, yet it can also be cultivated. How beautiful
to see a person enter a room and make himself charming to everyone ’
in it. Is it any wonder that such a person falls like magic into the arms l
and hearts of the new made relatives? ‘

 

 

 

 

 

       

 

  

  
 
 

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A STROLL IN THE PARK

 

 

 

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, CHAPTER xxxx.
ANNIVERSARIES, AND HOW TO CELEBRATE THEM

“Were my whole lzfe to come one heap of troubles,
The pleasure of this moment would sufiiee
To sweeten all my grief; with its remembrance.”

~—LEE.
HE object of an anniversary is to bring back scenes which were
occasions of joy, and to renew occasions which thrill us with
recollections of a time long past. There are many happy anni-
versaries which loving hearts commemorate—the birth of a child; the

.. hour which marks some crisis in its life; the happy day when two lives
flowed into one. There are .also sad anniversaries when memory gives

up her treasures, enabling us to live over the mournful hours when a ‘
dear one said good-bye. These we do not celebrate outwardly; they
are held in our hearts, sacred and precious forever.

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY

The wedding anniversary meets with most favor, and is observed
more universally than any other. It is the event which brought most
happiness, and which never loses its beauty and romance for those
who started out, properly mated, in life together.

The wedding anniversary is made more pleasant, too, on account
of the social reunion of old friends and relatives.

AN ANNUAL REMEMBRANCE

Many couples observe the annual return of their wedding day in the
quiet of their own homes, with a few select friends, or make an excur-
sion, and have an “outing.” Or the husband and wife exchange gifts,
enjoying the day among the dear ones of the household. It is a beau-
tiful custom on the part of the children to remember the recurrence
of the day by the presentation of flowers, or some simple piece of their
handiwork.

Social usage has decreed that the wedding anniversary be dis-
287

288 .r’iNNIL-"ERSARIES—HOW T0 CELEBRATE THEM.

tinctively named, and publicly celebrated. On these occasions, if the
wife has kept intact her bridal dress, she wears it, and conforms in
every respect to the fashion of the original wedding. It is uncommon,
but we read of an anniversary of the twenty-fifth year of married life
Where the original brides-maids, groomsmen and clergymen were pres-
ent and took part in the festivities. Such a chance for a. rehearsal of
the greatest event in life is exceedingly rare.
The bride and groom stand and receive their guests.

SERVING THE SUPPER

At supper the guests may all be seated at a table, or the viands
may be passed round on salvers, or at small tables throughout the par-
lors. If the first style is adopted, .the couple whose wedding day is
being celebrated, occupy the position of honor, and the bride cuts the
Wedding cake just as she did twenty-five years before. Speeches are
made, healths drank, and a royal good time is enjoyed.

DANCING

If there is dancing, the bridal couple has the pleasure of leading off
the first set. In case the bride does not wish to wear the original
wedding dress, she may wear a light colored silk—something pretty
and simple. If she has attained to twenty or more years of marriage,
cinnamon brown or silver gray is becoming. _ '

The original wedding ceremony is sometimes repeated at these anni- -

versaries, but we question the taste. Marriage is too solemn a rite to
rehash.
MAKING PRESENTS

‘These occasions have one drawback which forces them to fall into
_ disuse; and that is the supposition that it is obligatory upon the guests
to make presents. This is not necessary or expected. Especially is it
discouraged in the older celebrations, such as the “silver” and “gold”
and “diamond” weddings, where none. but the closest friends and
kindred bestow gifts on the husband and wife. ‘

At the same time, if inclination and means prompt the bestowal

 

”N0 PRESENTS RECEIVED.” , 289

of gifts, it is perfectly proper. But they must be in keeping with the
character of the anniversary.

‘ “NO PRESENTS RECEIVED ”

The invitations to these weddings, when presents are not desired,
bear the words, “No presents.” Others do not allow the invitation to
express the nature of the gathering, but make it a pleasant surprise by
announcing after the guests are assembled, that it is a wedding anni-
versary.

THE PAPER WEDDING

The first celebration is known as the paper wedding, and is held at
the end of the first year of wedded life. Suitable gifts are easily pro-
cured, since there are so many beautiful things in pap-er, as dainty boxes
of stationery, books, artificial flowers, fans, glove~holders, pictures, etch-
ings, bookmarks, etc., all of which are acceptable.

THE COTTON WEDDING}

.This marks the second anniversary. The invitations may be printed
on fine white muslin or delicate figured calico. The gifts attending it
will readily suggest themselves.

THE LEATHER WEDDING

This, the third anniversary, we hear very little about, probably owing
to the difficulty of selecting presents. The leather satchels, trunks,
paper folders, desks, slipper cases, perpetual calendars, portfolios, music
rolls, dining chairs, etc., would seem to afford a wide latitude in articles
of this material.

THE WOODEN WEDDING,

This, the fifth anniversary, is the signal fora general frolic. Any-
thing may be sent from a wooden nutmeg and a saw horse to a. sofa
or piano. The invitations are sometimes sent on birch bark. Quaint
little fancies in carved wood, as brackets, wall pockets, easels, footstools,
piano stools (their coverings being plush, or velvet or satin worked in

290 ANNIVERSARIES—HOW T01 CELEBRATE THEM.

with floss or wool), are nice offerings; also powder or hairpin boxes,
thimble cases, comb cases, of handsome painted or the natural wood.
A Swiss cuckoo clock is a very elegant offering. Japanese woodwork
is ever in fashion.

THE TIN WEDDING

This is a reminder that ten years of alternate sunshine and shade
have rolled on. A happy time of merry-making is had, and fun reigns
triumphant. Invitations on tin are sometimes issued, but they are
clumsy, and a firm, strong paper is preferable. The presents on this'
occasion partake of the comical and useful, from a tin whistle to a wash
boiler, and belong to the kitchen rather than the parlor. They may
be as ridiculous and useless as possible.

THE CRYSTAL WEDDING

This marks the fifteenth anniversary. An elaborate entertainment
may be provided, and handsome glassware is brought by the guests. The
articles in order here are countless. Epergnes, berry dishes, bonbon
dishes, ice cream sets, lamp-s, mirrors, goblets, wine glasses, finger bowls,
vases, bouquet holders, cake dishes, pickle jars, celery boats, cigar jars,
all are useful. For the bride’s dressing room, vinaigrettes, hand mirrors,
ivory brushes with mirror backs, toilet bottles, and bottles of perfume
are all included in the “crystal” part of the event.

THE CHINA WEDDING

A wedding which takes place on the twentieth anniversary has a
flavor of solidity, and the presents are in keeping. Sets of china dishes,
porcelain ornaments, bisque figures, plaques hand-painted, are very ele-
gant. There is a division of opinion upon the title of this anniversary,
some calling it the “floral” wedding. If the latter is preferred, the gifts
must be flowers in every form, transforming the house into a bower of
beauty. This wedding is seldom celebrated, the Scotch particularly
believing that it is very unlucky to observe it, and that either husband
or wife will die within the year if any notice is taken of it.

 

 

 

F ' SILVER WEDDINGS. , 291
.THE SILVER WEDDING

A couple who have lived happily together for twenty-five years are
entitled to consideration in these days of loose and irreverent treatment
of the marriage tie. This wedding is of importance, and the cele-
bration is in corresponding good taste. The husband and wife are not
old—they are still young enough to enjoy heartily the attending cere-
monies. Flowers, music and brilliant-lighting are necessary accessories.
The invitations should be in silver letters on fine white paper. This is

the form:
1875. 1900.
MR. AND. MRS. HOWARD
request the pleasure of your presence
on Thursday, December Twenty-second,
at eight o’clock.
SILVER WEDDING.

John Howard. - Matilda Town.

The names at the end can be omitted. Another form, which some
prefer, is as follows:

MR. AND MRS. CYRUS GREGORY
request the pleasure of your company
on Monday evening, March 31, at eight o’clock
to celebrate the
twenty-fifth anniversary of their marriage.
No gifts received. No. 4131 Forest Avenue

‘Ve prefer the first form, as more clearly indicating the occasion
that calls it forth. '

When presents are made they must naturally be costly, consisting
of silverware candelabras, card cases, purses, silver ornaments, silver
headed canes, silk umbrellas richly ornamented, silver for the table,
for the toilet, and all purposes. Silver coins have been given, but this
is not in correct taste.

Those who wish to spare their friends the necessity of bringing a
gift which their means would. forbid, use the latter form of invitation,

3' while others use the first one, and inclose a small card with the words,
“It is preferred that no presents be offered.”

292 ANNIVERSARIES—HOW TO CELEBRATE THEM.

An eflort is made to have as many of the very. old friends present
as possible. The supper is supposed to be very elaborate. When the
wedding cake is brought on with a ring inclosed, the bride cuts it, and
it is claimed that the unmarried lady to whom this slice falls will be a
bride within a year.

THE GOLDEN \VEDDING

This is an anniversary vouchsafed to: but few. Fifty years together!
—a half century of varied experiences. Great are the rejoicings, and -
many the kind wishes of those who partake of this glad occasion. The
preparations are even more extensive than for the silver wedding. The
form of invitation is the same, save that they are printed in gold letters,
and the words thereon are, “Golden Wedding.” The presents are of
that precious metal, and the reader needs no assistance in selecting
them.

THE DIAMOND WEDDING

But if the wedded pair who have lived together fifty years awaken
our admiration, what shall we say of those who journey together for
seventy-five years? This is very rare. And when the anniversary is
observed, the gifts must be precious stones and valuable. At this, as
the gold and silver weddings, the request is generally made that no
presents be brought.

Some authorities assert that this is the sixtieth anniversary in the
place of the seventy-fifth, and it seems more probable. Old age can be
made very lovely, and the pair who have passed sixty years in each
other’s comp-any are honored pilgrims in the pathway of life.

There .are other anniversaries, to which we will briefly allude, but
which are seldom observed. '

The seventh, or woolen anniversary; the twelfth, silk and fine linen;
the thirtieth, pearl wedding; the thirty-fifth, coral; fortieth, ruby; forty-
fifth, bronze; sixty-fifth, or crown wedding. Each of these suggests
the ofierings to be made.

 

 

 

 

ANNIVERSARIES. 293

WEDDING ANNI VERSARIES

For the ready reference of our readers, we append the full list of
these important affairs, in the order in which they occur:

First Anniversary .......... . . . . . . . Paper Wedding.
Second “ ................ . Cotton “
Third “ ........ . . . . . . . . . Leather “
Fifth “ ...... . ...... . . . . Wooden “
Seventh “ . . . . . . . ..... . . . . . Woolen “
Tenth “ . . . . . . . . ......... Tin “

Twelfth “ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Silk and Linen Wedding.

 

Fifteenth Anniversary ........... . . Crystal (sometimes Iron).
Twentieth “ ............ . ..... China (sometimes Floral).
Twenty-fifth ................. Silver Wedding.
Thirtieth “ ................. Pearl “
Thirty-fifth “ . , . . . ............ Coral “

Fortieth “ . . . . . . . ........ Ruby “

294 ANNIVERSARIESw-J-IOW TO CELEBRATE THEM.

Forty-fifth Anniversary ............ Bronze Wedding.
Fiftieth “ ................. Golden “
Sixty-fifth “ ................. Crown “
Seventy-fifth .- ................ Diamond “

The wedding ring is of Roman origin, and was given by the bride-
groom to the bride as a pledge of their engagement. In Juvenal we
read that a man always placed a ring on the finger of the lady to whom
he was betrothed. Kings and other dignitaries gave rings as pledges
of good faith, and much importance was attached to them as a means
of identification or as pledges of promises made. Then, as now, the

ring was placed upon the woman’s left hand, and so universal is this

custom among both Jews and Christians that the plain gold circlet
worn has become the outward symbol of marriage, and with many it
is still considered a bad omen to remove it after it has been placed on
the hand at the altar.

There are many other anniversaries, among them those marking the
birthdays of the little ones. The early Puritans would not permit them
to be noticed, classing them among the other sinful indulgences for-
bidden by their austere religion. They are kept generally in these
days, and are green spots in their lives.

 

'+-4m¢>.).;xl; “m1. Vat-4‘1.» .~.; A

- can“. m

 

 

 

‘ CHAPTER XXX.
TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD

“If men wish to he held in esteem, they must associate with those only who
are estimable.”

  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

the innate selfishness of human na— ‘

ture will manifest itself as in travel-
ing. It is so easy to be just a little rude
or selfish, and so natural to flatter one’s
self that not one of your dear five hundred
friends will know it, forgetting that in
these days of rapid transit the do-
ings and sayings of people become
common property in a very short
time; while the little acts of selfish-
ness or the generous sacrifice of to-
day, in a far-o-fi land, may be flashed
across the world ere to-morrow’s sun

’ I ‘HERE is no situation in life where

arises.

Would that all could remember this,
and when undertaking a journey, wheth-
er of long or short duration, take a
, vast stock of patience and politeness
"2.. - . with them, lest the supply fail when
I most needed.

‘ Travel broadens the mind, and
takes us from out our little, narrow
sphere into the wide expanse of the
world at large. It teaches
many things of value. New
scenes, new people, are brought

to our very doors, and the in~
295

296 TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD.

  

terchange of thought gives food for reflection, adding polish and grace
to our daily lives.

ON THE CONTINENT

The tourist in a foreign land needs to be especially careful not to
offend the peculiar manners and customs of the country which he visits, ‘
and not to air his opinions to every stranger. Nearly every one is apt
to be less cautious about his behavior abroad than at home. If all could
only feel that they are accepted as representatives of their native land,
they would guard its good name more tenderly, by acting under all
circumstances as ladies and gentlemen.

There is a marked contrast between the rush and scramble of
Americans when traveling and their ease of manner when at home.
Why should this be? '

(JHIVALRO US MEN

American gentlemen are the most chivalrous of men. Early train-
ing, the deference accorded women, the influence of good homes, have
helped to make them so, and yet to see them as we have, pushing and
jostling ladies at the ticket office of a railway station, or the entrance
to a theater—or taking .all the seats in a car, and allowing ladies to
stand, would impress a stranger with a. very great doubt of that chivalry
of which we like to boast.

There must be some demoralizing influence in a railway train, for
there one continually sees exhibitions of rudeness.

There is a pleasant side to this, however, and that is found in the
fact that, no matter if the gentlemen are a little rude in their eager
quest for a place, a lady who acts with propriety can journey from one
end of our country to the other with safety. “’omen are held in high
esteem, and are certain of protection.

AN ESCORT IN TRAVELING

It is always desirable for a lady to have an escort when traveling,
for there are many little anxieties which a gentleman can assume, thus
making a. lady’s journey more enjoyable.

 

 

PROPRIEY'Y OF AN ESCORT. 297

   
  
  
  
   
    
 
  

5 The first ofi‘ice of such escort is to either accompany his charge to
he depot, or meet her there in ample time to obtain her tickets, check
:her baggage, and procure a good seat in the car for- her. ‘
_' He looks after her hand baggage, assists her in and out of the car,
makes all inquiries about the route, brings her a glass of water when
she wishes it, and performs many acts of politeness which readily sug-
gest themselves to a kindly disposed, well-bred gentleman.

After making the lady as comfortable as possible, he makes himself
agreeable to her by pointing out the objects of interest from the car
window; or if she is disinclined for conversation, he lets her relapse
into thought, or provides her with reading matter. We do not think
‘”it is well to read on the cars, owing to the motion, still many make a
V'jpractice of doing so, without receiving any apparent injury to their
igsight. It is very discourteous f01 the gentleman to read, unless the
glady is engaged in the same manner.

5 At the termination of the journey he sees to obtaining a carriage
fifor her, and looks after her baggage. He may accompany her to the
': home of her friends, or to the hotel at which she is to stop. The next
g day he calls on her to inquire how she bore the fatigue of her journey.
5 His duties as escort are then ended.

PROPRIETY OF AN ESCORT

L; No gentleman should be asked to take care ‘of a lady in traveling
-* unless he is known to her friends as a man in good standing, and worthy
‘_ of the trust. And no parent or guardian should invite a total stranger
3 on whom he has no claims to take charge of a lady, merely because he
Sighappens to be traveling in the same direction.

j A lady should not concern herself with any of the details of her
f trip, when she has an escort. It is presumed that he knows more about
traveling than she does, and it will annoy him to be continually asked
about the safety of bag gage, whether they are on the right train, and
Egnumberless other fussy questions that would scarcely be excusable in
children.

   

 

298 TRA VELING-uHOME AND ABROAD.

FUNDS FOR A TRIP

Some prefer to have the gentleman settle the entire account at the
end of the journey.’ A strict record of all the items should be, kept in
this case, and the lady or her relatives should supply the escort with ,-

 

sufficient money to defray these expenses, so he will not be obliged to 1

draw on his own funds.

Ladies should not have a myriad of packages for an escort to guard. “-
We have often envied the man who said that he could put his wardrobe

in a collar box—what a world of trouble he saved himself! Some ladies if

(of course not many) think a Saratoga trunk not large enough to hold j:

all their possessions, but they are burdened with one or two hand
satchels, a shawl, various small parcels, a lunch-basket, and finish up

with a bird cage! Fancy the feelings of a gentleman who is expected to
take charge of a lady with all these appendages. .
When a lady travels alone she should be at the depot early enough

to purchase her ticket and to make any inquiries of the ticket agent:
respecting the route. She should never permit a stranger to purchase é
her ticket or check her trunk. There are proper persons provided by the

company for those services.

AVOID DISPLAY IN‘TRAVE'LING

Be sure to carry more money than you expect to require, but do not
display it to strangers. Depots are full of adventurers and sharpers, j,
waiting to “entrap the unwary.” We know a gentleman who, when 5:
traveling, always divided his money with his wife, she carrying half,
and he the other half, his reason being that if he were robbed, or by
any accident they were separated on their journey, neither would be ~

left unprovided for.

Jewelry should not be worn in traveling; and do not consult your I;

watch every few moments.

WHOM TO ADDRESS

If you desire any information, apply to the conductor. He is the one ‘77

‘ ‘ mfg; ,3.‘ w 5,

 

 

 

COUR’I‘IiS/ES [N TRAVELING. _ 299

best able to give you any directions. At the same time, a lady will not
refuse any offer of assistance, such as raising or lowering a window,
changing seats, to avoid a. draught, calling a carriage, etc. Gentlemen
understand perfectly well how to offer such services without presuming
upon their acceptance to force an acquaintance.

A lady may make herself agreeable to her fellow-passengers if the
journey be long, without being misconstrued. But an acquaintance
begun on a railway train should end there. Young ladies shouldbe
cautious and reserved with young men.

When a coat or valise is left on a. seat, it is understood that it has
been reserved for the owner, and no lady or gentleman will remove such
articles and take possession'of the seat. If the car is full, it is proper
to take any seat that is vacant, even by the side of a gentleman, first
inquiring if the seat is reserved.

COURTESIES IN TRAVELING

As soon as seated, don’t throw the window up without asking per-
mission. The one who sits behind you will suffer from the draught

‘, more than the occupant of the seat by your side.

  

Gentlemen, don’t expectorate tobacco-juice on the floor, for the skirts
of the lady who may be sitting near you to wipe up. Nor shell nuts
and peel oranges, making a litter. Would you be guilty of such rude-
ness in a parlor? A pleasant little incident occurred on a train which
proved the truth of the value of early training. A little boy of six was
in the car with his parents, and was given an orange. He peeled it,
and looked anxiously around for a receptacle for the skin. “Oh, throw
it under your seat,” the father said, carelessly. “But, papa, I mustn’t
throw things 'on the floor,” he answered. He recognized the fact that
the same good manners should be practiced abroad as at home. His
father quietly opened the window and threw out the refuse.

‘ RIGHTS OF ELDERLY LADIES

Elderly ladies, who are accustomed to traveling, should deem it a
privilege to exercise a supervision over younger and more inexperienced _
ladies thus throwin a mantle of rotection around them and also

, g P ,

300 TRAVELING~HOME AND ABROAD.

relieving their loneliness. Ladies should always be friendly and helpful ‘3

to each other.
DON’T BE SELFISH

No passenger has a right to occupy two seats with his personal '1;
property, unless there is abundance of room; and we feel that anyone
is almost justified in taking by force what common politeness on the part I,

of another should freely accord him.

When you lay aside your wraps in the car, resume them just before
the car stops at your station. It is rather undignified to make your

toilet and exit at one and the same time.

‘ If you are in a sleeping car don’t stay in the dressing-room so long ;
that every other lady is debarred from the same privilege. Be as quick f

in making your toilet as possible, or you will appear very selfish.

CARE FOR YOUR VALUABLES

Intrust your valuables to the porter for safe-keeping. He usually
receives a small fee for the service, but you are not compelled to offer
him one._ The company employs him for the accommodation of the
traveling public. ,

A gentleman should not leave his coat or handbag in a seat and then
spend his time in the smoking can, A lady may be standing to whom

the seat would be very acceptable.

DO NOT JOST‘LE

When you leave the car at a station for a meal, do not jostle an'd
scramble for the best place, and clamor to be served at once. There is
usually time allotted for eating in a self-possessed and gentlemanly
way.

If you leave an umbrella or any other article in a car, apply at the
office of the company; they will assist you in tracing it.

Never leave a train till it has fully stopped. Many serious accidents
have been. caused by too great haste.

WHO SHALL PAY FARE

It is laughable to hear two ladies in a street car disputing as to Who

   

 

. -a, .4.4k;2.;._¢_mxk.n ‘

  

 

, w ':-.m (T'T't'fllfifv’w-‘fwww'w .

LEAVING THE CAR. “ 301

3 shall pay the fare. “I’ll pay this time.” “Now, you shall not—it’s my

turn.” “No, I have the change!” And thus they argue, pecket-books in
hand, while the conductor and passengers are inwardly smiling. If
your friend offers to pay your fare, consent to her doing so. You will
probably have an opportunity to return the favor. If you design paying
for both, the polite way is to have the exact change ready, passing it to
the conductor without any reference to it, and in as modest a way as

possible.
LEAVING THE CAR

When the train has reached its destination, do not rush wildly out,
pushing your fellow passengers out of the way. It is both selfish and
ill-bred; besides, this gives the other passengers the impression that
you are unfamiliar with traveling. Be prompt to assist a young child
or an aged person from the car.

TRAVEL AT NIGHT

A lady should try and arrange her trip, when without an escort, so
that she will not be compelled to change cars in the night. If she has
to do so, she should place herself under the care of the conductor, or some
married couple, until the transfer is made. The reasons are obvious.
There are always “wolves in sheep’s clothing” who stand ready to direct
her wrong, particularly in large cities.

If she arrives in the place where she is to stop at night, and her
friends have failed to meet her, or are unaware of her coming, she had
better take a cab or, what is better, a ’bus or street-car, where there

‘ are plenty of people in attendance.

PRESENCE OF MIND

Always maintain presence of mind under all circumstances. Do not
become excited at any emergency, but keep your wits about you. There
are always good people who will advise and assist you.

If these simple rules are observed, any lady may take a journey
unattended, without an unpleasant incident. A quiet, lady-like manner
will command respect. Occasionally a rough, impertinent fellow may

-

302 ' TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD.

be encountered, who will annoy one, but if a dignified reserve does not
check his advances,‘ one will always find defenders who will teach

him his place.
STEIAME’R ACQUAINTANCES

On a steamer Where people are thrown together for days, many
pleasant acquaintances spring into existence, and some warm friend-
ships which have stood the test of time have been formed.

But even here, where much freedom is allowed, it is conceded that a
certain degree of reserve should be observed on the part of a lady, and
that no familiarity should be permitted; also that an acquaintance
formed on board a ship need not proceed further than the place which
gave it countenance.

Good-breeding forbids that one monopolize the steamer piano or
do all the talking in the ladies’ cabin.

Pay some regard to the comfort of those who retire earlier than
yourself. Politeness which springs from a kind heart is opposed to
boisterous laughter and loud talking.

TABLE ET‘IQUETT‘E ON BOARD STEAMER

At the table do- not eat hastily and greedily. It is not only ill-
mannered, but is not a healthy practice. Time is ample here, and you
have not the excuse of a hastily-eaten meal at a railway station.
Besides, the hundred or more pairs of eyes that are observing you will
comment unfavorably. '

Never allude to sea-sickness at the table. Most every one is squeam-
ish on the water, and any allusion of this sort is in bad taste.

Remember here, as elsewhere, to avoid giving offense, and regard the
rights of all.

Hold yourself ready to pass anything should occasion require.

LADIES? DRESS IN TRAVELING

The most appropriate dress for a lady traveling is some warm, dark,
soft material that shows little dust. A neat hat with a veil (the latter
to protect the eyes from Cinders) and a jacket, a small satchel with an

 

 

DRESS-Its attractiveness and appropriateness.
(SEE PAGE 2x5.)

 

302‘ ' TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD.

be encountered, who will annoy one, but if a dignified reserve does not
check his advances,‘ one will always find defenders who will teach

him his place.
STE/AMER AOQUAINTANCES

pleasant acquaintances spring
ships which have stood the tes
But even here, where much
certain degree of reserve shoulv
that no familiarity should be
formed on board a ship need 11
gave it countenance.
Good-breeding forbids that
do all the talking in the ladies:
Pay some regard to the co
yourself. Politeness which sp
boisterous laughter and loud '

TABLE ETIQUET’] '

At the table do not eat h:
mannered, but is not a healthy
have not the excuse of a ha
Besides, the hundred or more I
comment unfavorably.

Never allude to sea-sickness "
ish on the water, and any allusi

 

Remember here, as elsewher
rights of all.
Hold yourself ready to pass anything should occasion require.

LADIES’ DRESS IN TRAVELING

The most appropriate dress for a lady traveling is some warm, dark,
soft material that shows little dust. A neat hat with a veil (the latter
to protect the eyes from Cinders) and a jacket, a small satchel with an

 

An appropriate dinner dress.
Hat to be removed if the dinner

is a private one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Hostess attired for a
formal reception or evening

party

 

 

DRESS—Its attractiveness and appropriateness.

 

 

 

(SEE PAGE 215.)

 

   
 

GENTLEMEN'S DRESS 1N TRAVELING. 305

extra waist for comfort, and toilet articles are quite essential. If one
takes a sleeping car, add a loose gown of dark silk or wool, one which
" will not attract attention when leaving the berth for the dressing-room.
I Dark gloves should be worn, and moderately stout boots to protect the
; feet from the changes of weather.

GENTLE‘MEIN’S DRESS- IN TRAVELING

.» A gentleman should dress modestly and avoid display. A dark or
light-colored wool suit, linen shirt, overcoat, soft felt or Derby hat,
, gloves and an umbrella are the essentials. His traveling case should
g contain plenty of clean linen, socks, toilet articles, etc.

, The trunk should always be marked plainly with the owner’s initials
and address.

A gentleman will never quarrel with the employes of the road, no

 

', matter how annoying their conduct may be.

COURTESY UPON LEAVING A HOTEL

‘”:<.z-‘fgvatz‘uwnwvg....,3: .. “.1

Notice should be given at the desk of the hotel a few hours previous
to one’s departure for some other point. This will enable the clerk to
E3 have bill ready, baggage brought to the door and such other matters
attended to as may be necessary. It is quite the polite thing to say a
few pleasant words of farewell to the proprietor or clerk as the case
may warrant, thus leaving with him a good impression and a desire

that you come again.
MISCELLANEOUS HINTS IN TRAVELING

_ He must remember that an ordinary acquaintance ends with the
day’s journey.

He can offer his paper to» one sitting in the same seat with himself.
,\ He will behave at a hotel table in precisely the same quiet fashion
that he would at a friend’s house, or his own home.
He must be cautious how loudly he talks and not recount his family
history in his sleeping berth, or room in a hotel, for the partitions and
Walls of such places are proverbially thin.

\

 

 

306 TRAVELING—HOME AND ABROAD.

Be very urbanevwith foreign officials when traveling abroad, for they V
have a different way of dealing with people from that in this country,
And don’t flaunt the American flag in the face of the people of foreign

countries.

 

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CHAPTER XXXI.
SERVANTS, MAIDS AND ASSISTANTS

“Expect no more from servants than is just; ' \
Reward them well, 2f they observe their trust,
Nor with them cruelty or pride invade;
Since God and nature them our brothers made.” —-DENHAM.

  
 
   
   
 
 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
  

whether she employ one or two
servants, should observe a. cer-
tain etiquette toward them, and de-
mand it from them in return. The
hiring of servants is a purely

I EVERY mistress of a home,

business transaction, and must
be treated as such. There is a
great deal of nonsense written
(usually by men) about the sweet
amenities which should be ob-
served by ladies toward their
“help,” as it is called in this
country. No lady needs to be
reminded that servants are en-
titled to kind and judi-
cious treatment; but no
maid respects a. mistress ;'
who is overly familiar or “
attempts to cajole her
into doing what is
her bounden duty,
and what she
receives. com-
pensation for
doing in a proper
manner.

The contract be-
tween those who
enter your house

to perform your
307

.308 ' SERVANTS, MAIDS AND ASSISTANTS.

work and yourself should be stated so clearly that no mistake can arise.
Never watch or worry the servant. 'If she does not suit you, either
through incompetency or carelessness, tell her so at once. Show her
where she is at fault, in a dignified, kindly manner, and if she is worth
retaining you will have no more trouble. If she does not mend her ways,
discharge should follow. '

RESPECT DUE

As we said before, one must command respect from those who fill the
position of help. They desire your praise; they dislike to receive
censure, but in the same sense that a soldier wishes the commendation
of his captain. If a mistress is just, intelligent, not seeking to wring
all the labor possible out of her domestics; if she treats them as honest
Workers, and shows regard for their hours of rest, their religion, their
feelings, they will, if they are worthy at all, soon become conscientious
and pains-taking.

DUTY OF MISTRESS TO SERVANT

Some ladies arrogate to themselves the right to watch servants,
their going out and coming in; their companions and their mode of dis
posing of their wages. The only way to overcome these notions is to
have a fixed hour for their return when out of an evening, say ten
o’clock; treat them as if you had no doubt of their good intentions, and
advise them, if it is helpful to them, the way in which they should use
their money. Always be calm and unruffled, outwardly at least, in their
presence.

If they fall ill it is merely Christian charity to care for them, and
bring them back' to health as soon as possible. Of course, if their ail-
ment would endanger others, have them removed to a good hospital,
and do not let them feel that they are alone in a strange land, with no
one to care for them.

A MAID’S DUTY TO VISITORS

A maid, should never be permitted to go to the door with a cross
face and an ungracious manner. She should open the door, receive the

 

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NEATNESS IN DRESS. 309

card on a tray, and know just What members of the family are at home.
3 In case she is uncertain she should ask the visitor to be seated While
she determines.

She should readily learn the names of the friends of the family, and

be careful to deliver any messages left. There are so many extra duties
that come up' where a family keeps but one maid, that when hired, a
j stipulation should be made as to what her duties will be about the house.

NEATNESS IN DRESS

A slovenly maid gives one the impression that she does the work
in the same slovenly fashion. She should always wear neat prints,
sensible aprons, and look presentable at the door. Any lady or gentle-

’ man who has rung a door-bell and been confronted by a red-armed
maid, dress showing plainly her struggle with the kitchen utensils,

hair disheveled and straggling, and manner flustered, knows what a
feeling of disgust will arise at the sight. ‘

A maid, too, should make her toilet in her own room. This should
be insisted upon. Any such habit as combing one’s hair in the kitchen
is abominable.

The same rules apply to a man-servant, but it is far more diflicult to
impress upon a man-servant the fact that he should at all times be
personally neat.

ADDRESSING THE MASTER AND MISTRESS

A servant should address the heads of the house by their names.
If she desires information and finds _the mistress is in her room, with
the door closed, she should gently rap and say, “Mrs. Bell, I want to
speak to you a moment;” “Mr. Bell, there’s a man down stairs who
wants to see you ;” or if the lady of the house is in the parlor, she
should come and stand a moment waiting to be asked what is wanted.
Then she should say, “Mrs. Brown, may I speak with you?” or “Mr.
Brown, a man down stairs wishes to see you.” If the servant is speaking

- to outsiders regarding her mistress, she is expected to say, “Mrs. Bell

does so and so,” but she must not familiarly answer that mistress with
an “All right!” when she receives an order from her.

310 SERVANTS, MAIDS AND ASSISTANTS.

Men servants come under the same rules in all matters pertaining
to their duties.

CARING FOR HER WARDROBE

Every girl employed in domestic service should be expected to keep
her clothes in perfect repair, and a little leisure should be afforded her.
Usually she has her evenings, and she can make use of some portion
of them. Her mistress can, if she is so inclined and has the leisure, show
her how to do her sewing, or, if she can neither read nor write, it would
not be beneath her dignity to teach her how. All these things help to
make a better servant.

There is no reason why we should not have the best servants in the
world. We do not require half the services from them that are de-
manded in the older countries. The hours are shorter and wages are
much higher. Some one has said that servants are but exact copies
of their employers. If that is so, we should take care that we do not
make them insolent by being uncivil to them. Above all, never reprove
servants in the presence of guests. It is unpleasant to the comp-any,
angers the servants, and presents you in a very unfavorable light. If
anything goes wrong, even though it be through the stupidity or ignor-
ance of those you employ, bear it with the best grace possible at the
time and gently reprove her after the company have gone.

POLITENESS TO SERVANTS

On entering a house where you are acquainted, it is good manners
to address the servants. Well-bred people always do. A case in point
is given by a well-known writer on etiquette, who said that a nurse
fro-m England complained about the difierence'between English and
American ladies. She averred that no English lady would ask to see
the baby that she was tending without saying, “Good morning, nurse,”
but an American lady never took any notice of her at all.

But we think that this neglect arises from the fact that servants

are not trained for their work here, and every household makes its own ,

rules for their treatment. Another thing, servants in the old country

 

 

 

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DAYS OUT. 311

    
  

are fixtures, almost. Here they come and go so frequently, seeming
115 dissatisfied to remain in one place a long space of time that many ladies
who are dependent upon them exact as little as possible from them.

DAYS OUT

It is the rule in cities to give servants Thursday afternoon and even-
ing of every week and every Sabbath afternoon. This custom must, of
course, vary according to circumstances. In the country and in country
towns, where the work in summer is heavy, the party who serves is
usually expected to devote longer hours to the work and to take few
or no holidays, except the regular national ones.

I

HEILPING THE SERVANT

. There is no loss of dignity in occasionally helping with the work
of the household, when it is so heavy that one cannot do it alone. It shows
that you are interested in your servant, and that labor has your respect.
I In large families, even among the wealthy, it is quite the thing for the
f; daughters to take their turn at assisting with the work: one dusting,
I another attending to the dishes, while another often assists in cleaning
the rooms. There are plenty of tasks which present themselves in a
$3. well-conducted household, and neither mistress nor maid need fear lest
they may not find enOugh to do.

A WORD OR TWO

It is absolutely necessary to be very systematic in the management

3 of a household, else the work would never be done. We think the mis-

tress who makes the domestic machinery run smoothly, attending to
the myriads of duties, both social and domestic, with the aid of one

servant, is deserving of a great deal of credit. And only by having
the labor apportioned systematically can it be accomplished.

Feeing waiters is an English custom which we are sorry to see creep-
ing into our hotels and restaurants. Why persons who are well-fed
and well-paid should expect it we cannot see.

Always observe strictest courtesy toward help of all kind.

  
 

312 SERVANTS, MAIDS AND ASSISTANTS.

Allow them just privileges, not as favors but as their rights.

Teach them to move as quickly as possible about the house, 'and not
slam doors, or laugh and shout to their companions who may visit them.

Teach them to be at hand during a meal so that the hostess can
attend exclusively to the wants of guests. In case the servant should
not, the mistress should summon her by a bell, and give the order as
quietly as possible.

Do not be too observant of the shortcomings of a servant, but pass
trifles over in silence.

DISMISSAL NOTICE

It is quite the proper thing and the customary way, I believe, in
the country, to give a servant several weeks’ notice as to when their
services will be no longer needed.- In cities a week is considered
sufficient, for an advertisement in the city papers will usually enable
one to procure another position without loss of time.

The same rul holds good with servants in cities. They should
give notice to the lady of the house at least one week before they
withdraw their services, and if employed in the country a longer notice
should be given.

 

 

 

 

   

CHAPTER XXXII.
BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS

“Good christian people, here lies for you an inestimahle loan; take all heed
thereof; in all carefulness employ it: with high recompense, or else with heavy

oenalty, will it one day he required hack.”
~CARLYLE.

announced, it is natural that all the friends should desire to
see the little stranger. He is the center of attraction—the
parents are but stars of lesser size. Etiquette requires the friends not
to call until they have sent their cards with inquiries after the health
of the mother. She returns her own as soon as she is able to receive
calls, with “Thanks for kind inquiries” written on them, after which
friends may call. They then, however, should not go to her room until
they are assured that she is able to see them.
Gentlemen do not call at all, but pay their respects to the father, and
ask after both mother and child. A friend of either sex may send
flowers or fruits at such times to the sick room.

WT HEN the advent of an heir or heiress to the young couple is

BABY’S CARD

A very taking idea is baby’s card, which informs friends of the
arrival of the young stranger. This card must be very tiny, and should

read thus:
EDDIE F. ANDERSON.

Born July 10, 1899,
7 P. M.

Some prefer this Winsome little inscription upon the card. It cer-
tanly is less pretentious:
BABY ANDERSON.
At Home,
12 St. John’s Place.

Envelopes must match the size of the cards which they inclose, and a

fanciful bow of White ribbon may be tied around them. When these
313

314 BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.

cards are received, the ladies send back cards to the happy mamma,
With kind inquiries. L

CHRISTENING PARTIES

In most Protestant churches baptism and christening take place at
one and the same time. The babe is carried to the font by the nurse or
an elderly lady, the sponsors following, and the parents last. The
godfather stands at the right of the little one, the godmother at the left.
The clergyman asks—“Who is the sponsor for this child?” The god-
parents bow silently, thus acknowledging themselves as the ones. The
clergyman then asks the child’s intended name, which should be given
to him in a clear, distinct voice. It is so easy to misunderstand the
name that the best plan is to hand it written on a slip of paper to the
officiating minister before the ceremony begins.

WHEN TO CHRISTEN

It is usual in most churches to christen the child when a little over
a month old. In the Catholic church, if it is found that the little one
is feeble, the rite is performed at once, the priest being summoned to the
bedside. In olden times it was the custom to perform the ceremony
When the new-comer was but three days old. In France at the present
time every child is taken before the mayor at that early age for the
purpose of being registered. I

CHRISTENING A FE‘STIVE OCCASION

Originally, a christening was an occasion devoted to merriment and
feasting. Afterward it partook of a gloomy, austere character, and each
church sought eagerly to dedicate the babe to its own peculiar tenets.
But at present the ceremony is regarded as a religious one of the highest
importance, in which are interwoven glad and tender sentiments, and
all the accompaniments of rejoicing.

A CHRIS'JTENING LUNCHEON

When the child is christened in church, the friends disperse at the
door. But if the child is to have its advent made more notable by fes'

 

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WHAT SHALL BABY WEAR? 315

tivities at the house, its christening does not take place until it is six
7:, to seven weeks old. Then, if the health of the mother will permit of

the excitement, the guests are invited to the house, where a light
luncheon of coffee and cake, or, if preferred, a far more extensive repast
is prepared for them. These luncheons should not consume much time,
as neither the mother or the babe can endure the fatigue.

It is just at this period that the little stranger is made the recipient
of the gifts partial friends have for it. The godparents give some little
present, such as a silver cup, a knife, fork and spoon, silver basin, rattler
or bells. We read of one godfather who left a check for $100,000 for the
child, but as godparents of that sort are not in abundance, most children
Will have to be content with smaller gifts.

WHAT SHALL BABY WEAR

The christening dress is always white, as we think all of baby’s
dresses should be—emblem of purity and innocence. This dress is
always the subject of many hours of anxious thought. It may be as
elaborate as means and taste can make it. The more filmy and fairy-
like, the more in keeping with the little one for whose tender limbs it
was designed.

WHO ARE CHOSEN AS GODPARENTS

In selecting the godparents the first choice falls upon near relatives,
With great propriety, for as this relationship often lasts through life,
especially in the event of the death of the real parents, it appears as
though the kindred were better adapted to give assistance and counsel
if they are needed. Either parent has a right to substitute a dear friend
for a relation. The grandparents are often sponsors, and it is a very
pleasant ofiice to perform for the child.

A note is sent to the person. who are chosen for godparents, asking
them to fill the position, and no On‘. should refuse unless. a very good
excuse can be offered. It is not obligatory upon the godparents. to give
the child presents, but it is customary.

316 BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.

NUMBER OF SPONSORS

A boy is blessed sometimes with two godfathers and one godmother,
while a girl has two godmothers and one godfather. But most people
content themselves with one godfather and one godmother.

Young people are never asked to stand as sponsors for an infant.
They should be people of mature years, who comprehend the solemn
responsibility devolving upon them, and if they belong to the same
religious body as the parents, they can enter more thoroughly into the
true meaning of the ceremonial.

WHEN OHRISTENED AT HOME

When the ceremony is held at the house, music and flowers lend
their charms to the occasion. The house may be adorned for the event
with many vases of flowers, trailing vines or banks of floral beauties, in
symbolical designs. There is no limit to the decorations. Lilies and
’smilaX may be draped around the font, which can be improvised from
a large glass or china bowl, over which a dove with outspread wings
may be suspended.

Singing by a quartette, generally drawn from intimate friends,
enhances the enjoyment of the gathering.

THE CEREMONY AT HOME

At the hour decided upon the babe is brought into the room, where
the parents stand by the font. The sponsors come forward and place
themselves on each side of the father and mother. A hymn is sung,
and the clergyman proceeds with the rite in accordance with the form
prescribed by his church. Another hymn or chant follows, and the
benediction is uttered. Congratulations and greetings are now indulged
in, and the infant is petted and admired till his good nature is worn
out, and he is carried away from that Which has already begun to pall.

The christening is a solemn conr .cration of the child to a pure life,
and the sponsors become bound. to see that it receives instruction in
everything tending to that end. The jOyous accessories of the event in no
way rob it of its sacred meaning. ‘

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CA UDLE PARTIES. 317

INVITATIONS TO THE CHRISTENING

The invitation sent may be written or engraved, but when sent de-
mands a response. This is the form:
MR. AND MRS. ROBERT WHITE
request the pleasure of your presence at the
christening ceremony of their daughter (or son).
At four o’clock, Wednesday, May 16, 1900.

No. 22 Monroe Ave.
Reception from three to five o’clock.

As with all other invitations, the stationery used should be of the
best quality. The toilettes worn on this occasion should be rich and

elegant.
GAUDLE PARTIES

In olden times it was the custom to present those who called to offer
their congratulations on the arrival of the youthful heir (three days
after its birth) with a sort of spiced gruel flavored with Madeira, and
known as “Caudle.” This mixture was served in china cups used solely
for these occasions, having a handle on each side so that they could
be easily passed from one to another. “These cups were often handed
down as heirlooms, and to-day they are much sought after as curiosities.
In those good old days the husband also entertained his particular
friends at the expiration of a fortnight, if the mother was doing well,
with a kind of ‘sugared toast,’ soaked in beer. Such seems to have been
the origin of the candle party.” They were long in disuse, but in some
localities are again coming into favor, with this difference, that they
are now observed when the child is six weeks old. The invitations are
sent out a week in advance, and are in this form:

MR. AND MRS. ANDERSON
request the pleasure of
MR. AND MRS. KENWAY’S company,
on Thursday afternoon, at two o’clock.

Candle. 82 Chestnut St,
R. S. V. P.

The words, “No presents are expected,” are sometimes added. “The
plan of having the christening and caudle at the same time has been

318 BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGS.

tried by some parents, but the church disapproves of this. The mother
receives her guests in some pretty tea-gown or tasty convalescent dress,
or if she prefers, in an elaborately trimmed robe, and of course all
visitors are shown ‘the handso-mest baby in the world.’ ”

CLERGYMAN’S FEE

The ceremony of baptism is always performed gratuitously, but the
parents, if able, make a present of a sum of money to the officiating
clergyman, or else donate it, through him, to the poor of the'parish, or
some church work. This fee ranges all the way from $5.00 to $100. A
carriage is sent to convey him to the house.

N AMING THE BABY

Americans have a passion for high-sounding names. George Wash-
ingtons and Daniel Websters are to be found in every station of life,
coupled with some of the most stupid and unpromising children. We
believe we could scarce count the George Deweys and other heroes
whose names have been given to the young generation just growing up.
This assumption of renowned names springs from a false idea that the
child so called will partake of the nature and perhaps follow in the steps
of its illustrious namesake. The records of crime do not bear them out
in their expectations.

Scriptural names, never euphonious, are still less fitting for a child
entering the twentieth century. J edediah, Zerubbabel, Obadiah,
are not easy names to summon a boy from his play or to rise
in the morning by, and a child who is hampered by such cognomens
has early learned what it is to submit to mortification of the spirit.

Neither should diminutives or pet names be selected. There should
be a fitness in all names, a harmony with the years as they pass. The
sweet and gentle little “Lily,” or “Pearl,” or “Birdie” may become very
coarse and repellant in old age.

There are many great names in the penitentiary, whose titles did not
‘keep them out. There is often found a strange incongruity between the
first name and the family name. Napoleon Bonaparte Mudd do not
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CONFIRMATIONS. 319

Another practice which should be avoided is the naming a child
for one of its parents. It soon becomes easy for careless and rude people
to designate them as “old Harry,” “young Harry,” a very disrespectful
way of distinguishing them. We knew a family consisting of eight sons,
and each son named his eldest daughter for his mother. While it
showed a creditable desire to honor her dear name on their part, it
had a singular sound to strangers, to hear the children spoken of as
“Jock’s Margaret,” “Rob’s Margaret,” “Bill’s Margaret,” and so on
through the entire list.

Names should be bestow ed upon a child that will not awaken its
dislike. The child has no voice in the matter, and this fact calls for i
more judgment and taste on the part of those who name it. Short,
sensible names will never be out of fashion. Mary will never lose its
sweet simplicity. Clara, Agnes, Annie, Emily, Philip, Thomas, George,
and scores of similar names, are pretty and apt.

Give your children names that they can carry thrOugh life without
being ashamed of them; names that they will cherish; names that will
look well when written, and sound well when spoken, and that cannot
be well nicknamed.

CONFIRMATIONS

In the Episcopal and the Catholic churches, when children have
reached a certain age (from ten to fourteen), the rite of confirmation
takes place. Some weeks previous to the coming of the Bishop» those
desirous of taking this rite, and it often includes men and women of
mature age, present their names to the clergyman, and classes of in-
struction are formed to prepare them for the solemn event.

The church looks to the godparents to attend to this matter, if the
parents are dead or indifferent to their duty.

The dress of the girls should be white, with gloves and shoes to
match. The prayer books should be bound in white. The boys should

.wear black suits, with ties and gloves also black.

In the Roman Catholic and the Lutheran churches white veils and ‘

 

 

 

320 BIRTHS AND CHRISTENINGSU

wreaths are added to the costumes of the girls. It is a solemn and beau-

tiful rite, and one of great antiquity.
The behavior on this occasion should be modest and free from show

or hilarity. Indeed one’s actions should be carefully guarded, lest they

portray a lack of sincerity.

 

 

 

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‘ CHAPTER XXXIH.
FUNERALS AND MOURNING

“It is impossible that anything so natural, so necessary, and so universal as

I death, should ever have been designed by Providence as an evil to mankind.”

—SWIFT.

E‘ATH will ever be associated with mystery and anguish, for to '
D die is to take a step into an unknown land, and true hearts that
are bereaved will mourn deeply and long. Until a few years
ago death and its surroundings were somber and gloomy.
But the customs of mourning have lost their forbidding character,
and the accessories are more beautiful and comforting.

PARADING GRIEF ‘

'Ostentation is forbidden by good taste. The mourner who exhibits

an unseemly fear lest her bonnet will be unbecoming, has not the tender

affection which will live on after its object has gone, and we need not
fear that her heart will break. But to the grief-stricken one who will
4. not be cemforted, like Rachel, “because they are not,” few words can
be said. It is kinder to leave them to weep, only praying that He Who
holds them tenderly in His hands will bring them peace.

ATTENDING TO T‘RIFLEES

Many people are shocked at the attention to trifling details which
some mourners show. This is no evidence of indifference, but proves
that the habit of attending to the daily routine is inbred; and it is a
blessing that, in the first agony of a great grief, these purely mechanical

-- matters can engage their attention and divert them, if only for a. short

 

time, from their sorrow.
BEFORE THE FUNERAL

The manner of dressing the dead is now in a close imitation of life,
321

/

322 FUNERALS AND MO URNING.

and we see the dear ones lying in that peaceful repose which comforts
those who view them. The grewsome shroud no longer enwraps the
form, for the garments worn when living have taken its place; it gives
a certain sense of comfort to see them thus, for it imparts a natural
look which could never accompany the shroud.

I Flowers are strewn about the placid face, and one can easily recall
those grand words of Bryant:

“He wraps the drapery of his couch about him,
And lies down to pleasant dreams.”

Where the body is well preserved it is often laid in an open casket
as if in sweet repose and all friends are invited to View it.

WATCHING ‘THE DEAD

It is no longer the custom to watch with the dead—an excellent
omission—for sometimes those vigils were unseemly in their mirth.
The deceased is prepared for the grave by the undertaker or some
kindly friend, thus sparing the afflicted ones that agonizing duty. It
is usual for some one to remain with the family through the long, sad
night hours, while the dead are in the house. It helps lighten the
loneliness of the house.

GRAPE ON THE DOOR

Black crap-e tied with white ribbon is placed on the bell knob to
indicate that the dread visitor “death” has entered the house and taken
a middle-aged person. Black ribbon in the place of white signifies that a
mature person has passed away. White crape with white ribbon indi-
cates that a young person or a child has passed over.

A caller should never ring the bell, for none know save those who
have'passed through a sorrow how the clang of a hell, with its noisy
reminder of active life, jars upon the nerves. In most houses the hall
door is left ajar that friends may enter quietly. The kindly instincts of
the heart bid them speak in low, soft tones, and to be helpful and
sympathetic.

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'AT THE HOUSE OF MOURNING. 323'
PALL-BEARERS ‘ ’

From six to eight are chosen from the immediate friends of the
family; a very young girl is often conveyed to the hearse by boys of
her own age. Their duty is clearly defined by the funeral director, and
they are provided with black gloves and a band of white for the arm.
These are furnished by the family, and notes are sent to those who are
to act in this capacity, requesting their services.

AT THE HOUSEI OF MOURNING

When the sad event is known, friends call to offer their services, but
the bereaved see no one save their most intimate friends, whose duty ,
it is to make all arrangements for the burial, receive all callers, and
attend to any details connected with the funeral. They also make
the arrangements with the undertaker.

Visits of condolence are made within a month after the funeral. The
callers should not feel hurt in case the bereaved friends ask to be

excused.
CARRIAGE‘S

A list of the number of friends whom the family desire to» attend
them to the grave is made out and given to the funeral director.
He then knows how many carriages to order. Many bring their own
carriages, but the family provide a certain number, among which are
those for the pall-bearers and the clergyman who officiates.

FUNERAL INVITATIONS

In cities and towns where death notices are inserted in the papers,
the words “Friends invited,” are sufficient invitation to the ceremony.
Sometimes, however, personal invitations are sent to those whose pres-
ence is desired. These are engraved on small-sized note paper, with
black border (rather narrow), after this manner:

“Yourself and family are respectfully invited to attend the funeral
of Miss Stella Mason from her late residence (number of residence or
the church if the services are to be held there), on Monday, July 19, at 11
A. M. Burial at Rose Hill.”

 

324 FUNERALS ’AND MOURNING.
FUNERAL SERVICE-S

When the funeral is held at the residence the family do not view the
remains after the people begin to assemble. Just before the services
begin the mourners are either seated near the casket, the nearest one
at the head, and the others following in order of kinship; or, if pre-
ferred, they are placed in a private room adjoining, where the words
of the clergyman will reach them. ‘

The friends are always invited to take a last look ere parting
forever.

The casket is seldom opened at the church, unless it is the funeral of
a prominent person, and numbers go to the church for that purpose.

7 The family, together with those who are to be present at the inter-
ment, pass from the house (or church) first.

“FUNERAL PRIVATE ”

This announcement has caused many to remain away from a funeral,
for fear of intruding. But it merely denotes that the interment Will be
private, only a few near friends accompanying the remains to the grave,
but at the services all who choose to come will be welcome.

FLOWERS

The sending of flowers to the grief-stricken friends is a custom that
should never grow old. It softens the pain and removes the sting as
naught else can. The thought that they, too, in all their beauty, perish,
makes the death of the loved ones easier to bear.

“They are love’s last gifts; bring flowers, pale flowers.”

MILITARY FUNE'RALS

The sword and sash of an army or navy officer are laid across the
casket, and the national flag is draped over it.

When the deceased is buried with a. Masonic or other society honors,
the lodge to which he belongs conducts the funeral according to its own
forms. A notice should be sent at once to an organization that expects

\

Miami‘s“. “my ‘ I

 

MO URNING. ‘ 32.;

. to take part in the' services, so that they can notify their members of.
the funeral.
MO URNING

;

In times past it was considered poor taste for a widow to appear in
public under six months after the burial of the husband, unless dressed
in deep mourning. To-day, custom has undergone a change. Now the
widow need not wear the long black crape veil at all, unless. she so
chooses, and neither is she required or even expected to wear black
in the home. Since death has been robbed of its horrors and the spirit
sees life through death, one need not hesitate to bury the sorrow from
sight. It does not imply that one has ceased mourning, but simply
a wish to make no one else gloomy because they, themselves, suffer.

If a widow prefers to put on mourning, her bonnet should be of
crape, with white crape or tarlatan border, and her veil should be worn
over the face three months. At the expiration of three months it may
depend from the back of her bonnet, and be worn nine months longer.
She should remain in black eighteen months. Many widows never re—
sume colors, and some wear mourning all their livesr—a most repre~
hensible custom, both from the depressing effect it has upon her own
health and the painful injury it may do her children. The black crape
Veil is to be especially condemned, for it is laden with arsenic, and is
dangerous to the eyes and the skin, besides being excessively hot and
cumbersome in summer. Fortunately, fashion has decreed that a silk
crape veil can be worn after six months has expired instead of the heavy
' crape.

A widower wears mourning, consisting of a black suit, black gloves,
necktie, and a band of crape on his hat for the period of one year.
' Those who are punctilious in such matters wear black shirt studs and
‘V cuff buttons.

. For parents or children, crape is worn one year. After that, though
black is worn another year, crape is dispensed with.

; A sudden transition at the end of the period for mourning-from
, black to glaring colors is in poor taste. Any change of this sort should

  

be gradual.

.1!

326 FUNERALS AND MOURNING. .

 

Black crape and soft woolgoods are worn for brothers and sisters
for six months. After that gray, lavender, black or white can be ..
adopted. . V Q

There are no set limits to the'period of wearing mourning, though g-
custom ‘has laid down certain rules which are often widely departed g;
from, according to the individual tastes and inclinations of the wearer.

For uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents, black without crape
is worn.

It seems very unnatural to put very small children into deep black,
even for so near a friend as a parent. The little ones do not comprehend
the loss that has come to them. Why teach them the meaning of this is

 

 

sad garb?

Gentlemen wear mourning only as long as the ladiesof their house-
hold wear it.

For lighter mournings, silk grenadine, cashmere trimmed with jet, 4
plain black glossless silk with crape about the neck and sleeves are in 3
very good taste. Sealskin and all kinds of black furs are also worn in

deep mourning.

» ,. wave; 1., “1,3

ATTENDING PLACES OF AMUSEMENT

 

 

 

When in deep mourning one is not expected to go into society, or S.‘
attend receptions or receive in a public manner. Neither are they found . i

 
   
 
   
   
  

at the theater or any public place of amusement for six months, save a j;
musicale or a concert. Formerly a year’s seclusion was demanded of a, f
mourner, as was also the custom of wearing purple, or “half-mourning,”
on renouncing deep black. There are some temperaments to whom this ‘7‘
isolation long continued would prove fatal. Such may be excused if
they indulge in a little recreation earlier than society believes com- .
patible with genuine sorrow. :-

It is not respectful to attend a funeral in brilliant colors. Neither
is one expected to wear mourning. A plain, dark suit, however, in 7
keeping with the occasion, should be worn. _,

 

CARDS AND WRITING PAPER. 327

OBJECT TO MOURNING

‘Many do not believe in wearing mourning at all. Such have a right
to omit it—it concerns no one but themselves. Still, much can be said
in favor of thecustom. A mourning garb is a. protection from cruel
and thoughtless remarks. It is also in consonance with the feelings

;, of the one who is bereaved, to whom brightness and merriment seem

but mockery. To such, garments of mourning are “an outward sign
of an inward sorrow,” and they cling to them as the last token of respect
and affection which they can pay the dead. ‘

CARDS AND VVRIT‘ING PAPER

Ladies and gentlemen in mourning use black-bordered cards and
letter paper for their social correspondence, until the period of mourn-
ing is ended. The width of the border is at present very small. If

. they have business letters to write, they use plain white stationery.

  
 

MEMORIAL CARDS

A card is sometimes sent by the bereaved ones announcing their loss.
It is far less harrowing than to write, especially when one’s circle of
acquaintances is large. They should be very brief:
“In Memoriam:
HELEN FRENCH
Died in Chicago, March 25, 1900,
Aged 20 years.”
The words, “In afiectionate remembrance,” may be substituted for
“In Memoriam.” '

CALLS OF CONDOLENCE

Cards of condolence may be left by friends ten days after the funeral,
but mere acquaintances should refrain from calling until the family
have appeared at their place of worship.

When those who are in mourning feel able to receive visits, they

send out black-edged cards inclosed in envelopes, to all who have called

328 ’ FUNERALS AND MOURNING.

upon them. This custom is not general as yet, but it is an excellent one.

Do not allude to the sorrowful event unless you see it is expected that
youtwill do so. It is a relief to some to talk of the dear'one gone,
while to others it only reopens the wound.

SECLUDING ONE’S SELF

It is wiser to mingle with one’s fellow creatures as soon as company
can be endured. To some dispositions seclusion is a sweet and gentle
ministry. But to others the loneliness strikes a chill, and change and
companionship are essential to keep them from settled melancholy.

It is not usual to attend entertainments 'within a year of the death
of a near relative, but if the custom chances to be broken by the young,
it should not excite unkind remarks. The young suffer intensely, but
it is a wise provision of nature that it is not as lasting as. the grief of
maturer years. They should pay suitable respect to those whom they
have lost, but do not ask them to seclude themselves until their lives
are lastingly shadowed. We owe love and remembrance to the dead;
but we also owe a duty to the living and to ourselves. If we would
hallow the memory of the beloved whom we have lost, we should be
more tender toward those who are left us to care for and cherish.

“There’s a sinless brow with .‘a radiant crown
And a cross laid down in the dust;
There’s a smile where never a shadow comes now
And tears no more from those dear eyes flow,
So sweet in their innocent trust.

“There’s a beautiful land beyond the skies,
And I long to reach its shore;
For I know I shall find my darling there,
The beautiful eyes and amber hair
Of the loved one gone before.”

.......

 

CHAPTER XXXIV.
SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS

“Discipline, like the bridle in the hand of a good rider, should exercise its .
influence without appearing to do so, should be ever active, both as a support
and as a restraint, yet seem to lie easily in hand. It must always be ready to
check or to pull up, as occasion may require; and only when the horse is a run-
away should the action of the curb be perceptible.”

LTHOUGH the many branches of etiquette have been fully treated
in this work, there are yet a few general hints which do not
seem to come under the other heads. We have grouped these

for easy reference:

When a “tale of woe” is poured into your ears, even though you
cannot sympathize, do not wound by appearing indifierent. True polite-
ness decrees that you shall listen patiently, and respond kindly.

If enemies meet at a friend’s house, lay aside all appearance of
animosity while there, and meet on courteous terms.

Do not introduce people in a. public conveyance. It draws attention .
to a person and makes him unp-leasantly conspicuous.

Take the precaution to insert the stopper in an ink bottle if you are
called away while writing. You do not know what careless person may
approach your desk in your absence, and do your work irreparable
damage.

PRECAUTION

If you secure an introduction for the purpose of asking a favor, you, ..
have no further claim upon that person’s recognition after the business

is transacted.
no

 

 

330 SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS.

Take warning, and always be on time. Some people are always a
little too late. Late in going to bed, late in getting up, in going to their
daily work, at their meals, and in'keeping their appointments. They
may have business of importance to attend to, where thousands of
dollars are at stake, and then they wait until the last train, and fail to
catch even that. Just a little too late—~that is all!

It is vulgar to greet a friend by slapping him on the back, or playfully
poking him in the ribs. No amount of intimacy makes it. allowable.

Calls made upon the sick should be returned by them as soon as
health permits.

If you have a. friend who has met. reverses, and you desire to show
your friendship by visiting her, do not go dressed expensively. Adapt
your costume to her changed circumstances.

It is rude to turn a chair so that your back will be presented to
anyone.

GENTLE CHIVALRY

If you see a lady whom you do not know, unattended, and needing
the assistance of a gentleman, offer your services to her at once. She
will readily understand the gentle chivalry which prompts you, and
will know that by accepting your kindness, she does not place herself
in a false light.

A young man can check vulgarity in his companions if he so desires,
but it requires considerable moral courage. It is related of a group
of young men, that one of them, being about to regale the rest with
an improper story, suddenly paused, and said, looking around, “Are
there any ladies within hearing?” “No,” rang out the brave response,
“but there are gentlemen here!” The reproof had its effect. The story
remained untold.

/

i

 

‘

SPARE YOURSELF MORTIFICATION. 331

  
 

Do not laugh at your own wit. Allow others to do that. And do not
talk at people. That is, do not talk for the benefit of strangers, hoping
to attract their admiration. Men and women are much given to this
vulgar habit.

“W“‘WTTTWW‘ . » :, .

News that is not well vouched for should not be repeated; else you
may acquire the reputation of being unreliable.

In business, answer any question asked, even if it does not benefit
you personally. In the end you will be the gainer, for you will be
esteemed as an obliging gentleman.

SPARE YOURSELF THE MORTIFIC‘ATION

In company, do not converse with another in a language that is not
understood by the rest, unless that person ,cannot express himself in
good English.

In entering a room, if you find the door open, leave it so. If closed,
be particular to shut it after you.

Accompany your wife to the church of her choice. If you belong
to a different denomination fro-m the one with which she communes,
it is only fair that you take turns in attending the two houses of
worship.

Do not take pride in offensively expressing yourself on every occa-
sion, under the impression that you will be admired for your frankness ‘
and plain speech. “Speaking your mind,” says Jerrold, “is an extrava-
gance which has ruined many a man.”

If it become necessary to break a marriage engagement, it is best
to do so by letter. The reasons for your course can be given much more
clearly than in a personal interview, and spare the rejected party mortifi-
cation. All presents, letters, etc., received, should accompany the letter

 

332 SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS. ,

announcing the termination of the engagement. It is in very bad taste .2

to retain valuable gifts received.

During a walk in the country, ascending a hill or walking on the
bank of a stream, and the lady is fatigued and sits upon the ground,
‘do not familiarly seat yourself by her, but remain standing until she is
rested sufficiently to proceed.

A host should see that he has no wall-flowers at a party or ball given
in his home, by providing each lady with a partner, in an unobtrusive
manner, so as not to wound their self-esteem.

 

Do not show undignified haste in whatever you do. Lord Chester-
field, the most polite man in all Europe, declared that “Whoever is in
a hurry, shows that the thing he is about is too big for him.”

In writing for publication, but one side of the sheet of paper must
be written on, and do not interline.

FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING

Never refuse to accept an apology. Only ungenerous minds Will
do so. If one is due from you, make it unhesitatingly.

-A dispute about religion is foolish. When it is known that there
are fifteen hundred millions of people on the face of the earth, speaking
3,034 tongues, and possessing one thousand different religious beliefs,
it will be easily seen that it is a. hopeless task to harmonize them all.

In meeting'a number of friends together, do not make a difference
in the warmth of your salutation. To meet one with reserve and
formality and another with great effusiveness is ill-bred.

Do not grow fidgety and anxious to make your exit, if your friend
with whOm you call prolongs his stay longer than you desire to. Be
composed at all times and in all places.

 

 

 

MORE FACTS; 333
if you hear of the misfortune of another, do not rejoice. And never
speak disparagingly of anOther. It will be charged to envy.

In calling upon the sick, do not inquire what medicine they are
taking, and express your doubts of its efficacy. Nor ask whatphysician
is employed, and try to shake the patient’s confidence in him. Above
all, do not attempt to prescribe, yourself. You are not there in the rOIe
of a doctor, but as a visitor.

When friends call on you, never look at your watch. It appears as
if you were desirous that they should go.

MORE FACTS

Never pick the teeth, scratch the head, blow the nose, or clean your
nails in company. ‘

 

Never correct the pronunciation of a person publicly; nor any in-
accuracy that may be made in a statement.

Never lend a borrowed book. Be equally particular to return one
that has been loaned you, and accompany it with a note of thanks.

 

Do not be too familiar on short acquaintance. Nor presume to
address people by their first name. This is a presumption which some
people never forgive.»

Do not ask the age of another, unless he is quite youthful. Some
very sensible men and women are sensitive on this point. Whether it
be considered silly or not, they have a right to keep their secret.

Do not pass between two persons who are talking together. Do not
seat yourself in the place of one who has risen, unless you see that they
have no intention of returning to the seat they vacated.

334 SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS.

A lady has a. right to omit whom she pleases from her entertain-
ments. No one has a right to ask her reasons for such a course. Do not
permit a gentleman to remove a bracelet from your arm, or a ring from
your finger for the purpose of examination. Take them off, and hand
them to him.

TO FORGET IS TO APPEAR IGNORANT

A lady will not strike a gentleman with her handkerchief or tap
him with her fan, or lean over his shoulder, or pat him on the back.

Do not lean your head against a wall. You might soil the paper.
The hostess does not leave the room so long as any visitors remain.

To introduce a person who is in anyway objectionable to- a friend is
insulting.

Giggling, whispering, staring about, in church is a mark of ill-
breeding. Remaining seated while the congregation rise is rude.
Observe all the forms of the church and follow them as closely as con-
sistent.

 

Do not draw near the fire, when calling, unless invited. A lady can
call on a gentleman in his room if he is a confirmed invalid, but in no
other case.

When you are invited verbally to dinner, it means a very uncere-
monious affair, and plain dressing, with early hours.

Do not attempt to attend to the wants of a lady who already has
an escort. It is a piece of imp-ertinence to do so.

At a party consisting of gentlemen, the host is the master of cere-
monies. He alone has the right to call for toasts and songs.

Nicknames are unknown in good society.

Mam»... .

 

FACTS WORTH REMEMBERING. 335

DON’TS

Donft laugh when a. funny thing is being said, until the climax is

: reached.

 

5.,
E.

 

Do not go into company smelling of onions or garlic. They are

‘_ offensive to most people. A tobacco breath is not much admired, either.

Do not eat all on your plate, and do not clean it up with your bread.
Do not eat all of the soup in your bowl.

 

When a. gentleman goes to a ball without. a lady he must place '
himself at the disposal of the hostess, and dance with any ladies she
selects for him.

A lady at a ball should not burden a gentleman to hold her gloves,

1 ' fan and bouquet while she dances, unless he is her husband or brother.

Amateur musicians should commit a few pieces to memory. If they
carry music along, it has an appearance of conceit, but if they are asked
to play or sing, it is ungracious to refuse. '

Do not place your arm'on the back of a chair occupied by a lady.

Ladies do not pass in or out of the general entrance of a hotel, but
by the ladies’ entrance only.

 

Ladies can make. each other’s acquaintance in the hotel parlor, or
at the table. It is optional with them how far it is carried.

It is not polite at a wedding to congratulate the bride. She should
receive wishes for her future happiness. The bridegroom is the one

who is to be congratulated. He is the fortunate one.
I

When servants at a hotel are disrespectful, lay a complaint before

 

 

336 SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS.

the proprietor. Orders to servants should be given in a pleasant tone, ,
Without a shade of familiarity. '

It is customary to add the words, “Without further notice” to a
funeral invitation given through the papers.

Children should not be brought into the drawing-room to see vis1tors,
unless they are asked for.

Blowing soup or pouring tea and coffee into the saucer to cool it is
evidence of a lack of knowledge of the usages of good society.

MORE DON’TS

Do not form friendships hastily. Violent likings often lead to as
violent dislikes. ‘

Do not claim acquaintance with any one on the score of having met
him at a friend’s house.

In rising from a chair a lady should not raise herself by pressure
on the arms. Only an old or feeble person can do that with propriety.

Children should never occupy the most desirable chairs or seats. A
child should never take its seat until all its elders are placed in
position.

When you give a friend a. book do not write their name in it unless
requested by them to do so.

Do not whistle in the street cars or in a room, or in the elevator or .
in fact anywhere when you are in the presence of others. There are
professionals who make their living by whistling. You are not one of
those.

DO. not call on any lady at an hour when she is presumed to be

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

OUT FOR PLEASURE

 

 

‘,'
2
i,

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ran. . A, ,, ‘9 A i . _ l, ,“uvwz-‘wflwma .5, “I, m -7

INCONSIS'I‘ENCIES‘. ‘ 339

engaged in her household ave-cations. A lady should not call upon a
,1 gentleman at his oflice, unless she is there upon a business matter.

Do not ask any one about their personal or private affairs.

It is very improper for a husband and Wife or any engaged couple to
L dance together all the evening.

Do not write long letters of condolence to those in affliction, or give
them a sermon, advising them to bow to the will of Providence.

If a person does you a little service, do not murmur in softest tones
“Thanks!” but speak plainly and openly, “Thank you, madam!” or
“Thank you, sir!”

A gentleman should leave his umbrella, overshoes and overcoat in
the hall, as also his hat and cane. He should not remain over ten to

‘ fifteen minutes in making a formal call.

To look over the shoulder of another is rude. So is the fashion
common to some of looking over a newspaper which a neighbor in the

street-car is reading.

INCONSISTENCIES

The only gifts which should pass between ladies and gentlemen who

; are not relatives are books, flowers, music and confectionery.

Do not allude to a present you have made. Wait to have it ac-

knowledged.

Ladies should never adopt the ungraceful‘ habit of folding their arms,

or of placing them akimbo.

 

To pencil your sentiments in a borrowed book is rude.

340 SPECIAL SUGGESTIONS.

If you chance to use a foreign phrase, don’t translate it. It is equiv-
alent to saying, “You don’t know anything.”

The man who insults his inferiors or those who are weak is simply a '

coward.

A gossip is more or less malicious and uncultivated. If nothing
worse, she is empty-headed.

When walking with a lady, find out before you start if she has any
preference as to the route.

To write a letter of congratulation on mourning paper is rather in-
consistent.

If strangers are in a room when a caller leaves, a slight bow in pass-
ing out is sufiicient recognition.

 

 

CHAPTER XXXV.

GRACEFUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY

“Grace is to the body what good sense 2's to the mind.”

——LA R0011 EFOUCAULD.

HERE has been in no other age culture to be compared in results
T with the Greek culture. Never has there been such mental or
physical education. When we come to examine them, we find
their basis was physical culture. In that is the secret of their success.
Greece has given us representative men in every department. We

point to Athens for the greatest ora-
tor, for the greatest poet, for the
greatest sculptor, for the first and
greatest mental philosopher. Intel-
lectually, Plato stands at the head of
all the philosophers of the

world. Let us not forget,

then, that that which made

the Greeks what they were

two centuries ago was the
natural result of physical
culture, and can again make men
great.

In social life the ability to \//
gracefully express one’s self is the '
greatest charm of man or woman. ’7
The Rev. Chas. Spurgeon said: “I I“ ' ,,
believe that every man should train ’/ /
his body under some system of

culture; first, because of the health
34:

 

342 GRACEFUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY.

it affords; second, because of its educating effects; third, because of
the advantage it gives a man over others for usefulness.”

Physical culture is “conscious effort to improve the body,” and since
the body is the only means of expression for the individual life, it is
necessary to train the body until it is absolutely under the control of
the will.

“Know thyself” is an important maxim for us all, and especially is
it true for girls.

All are born with the desire to become attractive—girls especially
want to grow up not only attractive, but beautiful. Right here we want
to impress the difierent kinds of beauty. Some girls think that bright
‘ eyes, pretty hair, and fine clothes alone, make them beautiful. This is
not so; real beauty depends upon good health, good manners and a pure
and intellectual mind. '

In this living, moving world, we all have a desire to live a joyous,
happy life and look forward to coming years with hope and pleasure.
Should we do anything to injure health, we would see nothing in the
future but toil and hardship. But no matter how we feel, we must
live on. '

HOW TO OVERCOME‘ IMPERFEOTIONS

There is but one method to pursue in overcoming imperfections of the
body, and that is by drill. Suggestion and teaching are helpful, but.
the drill we must apply if we would have a perfect physique. Any
thought that is brought about to overcome defects will doubtless for a.
time cause self-consciousness, but better self-consciousness. for a time,
if it result in a' cure, than to be always hampered with imperfect
mechanism. _

To produce an ideal body, the best of which the individual is capable,
and through which shall be, as Ruskin says, “the soul made visible,” is
the task Physical Culture has to perform.

THE EFFECT OF P‘OISE

Poise means the muscles brought under the control of the will. The
, body must be poised before it can act with intelligence. From it radiates

 

 

E;
E

 

 

EXERCISES To DEVELOP EASE. 343

all motion, therefore the poise of the body is of the utmost importance.
It is truly said that “there is no thought possible without a correspond-
ing change in muscle-tension. This is the basis of those slight move-
ments that constitute mind-reading, which is in reality musclereading.
The two are inseparably connected—when we educate the brain we
educate the muscles.”

Movements of self-control are termed Educational. Free exercises
—so-called to distinguish them from exercises dependent on apparatus
-——have the advantage that there is little opportunity for overwork, since
the weight lifted must keep proportionate to the individual. Free exer-
cises are usually taken standing, and good equilibrium is the result.

Free exercises develop in the individual a. consciousness of his body,
of its strength, and of his ability to use it. This creates that knowledge
of power which forms the basis of courage and good bearing.

The feet, the support of the body, have three natural divisions—toes,
instep, and heel. The weight of the body may be carried over the toes,
over the heel, or exactly between the two. With the center of gravity
over the instep, the poise is normal; tending toward the toes, active;
toward the heel, passive.

When the center of gravity is carried directly over the instepflthe
arch of the foot—with the line of the body unbroken, we have normal
p01se.

EXERCISES TO DEVELOP EASE
(The count should be four.)
Exercise Number One.

1. Stand erect, heels together, toes at an angle of 30 degrees, weight
of the body over instep; or normal position.
2. Shift weight slowly backward to heels, keeping toes on the floor»
and the line of the body unbroken.
3. Shift weight to toes, not allowing heels to separate.
4. Shift weight to insteps, or normal position.
(Repeat twenty times.)

344 GRACEFUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY.
Exercise Number Two.

1. Normal position, arms at side.
,2. Shift weight slowly to heels, arms folded on chest.

3. Shift weight slowly to toes, heels together and raised slightly
from the floor, arms extended horizontally, elbow straight, arms at
sides.

4. Bow weight to normal position, arms at sides.
(Repeat twenty times.)

Exercise Number Three.

1. Normal position, arms at sides.
2. Advance right foot and weight, right hand extended, as if in
greeting.
3. Shift weight to left foot, right hand repelling.
4. Normal position, left foot brought to right, arms at sides.
(Repeat twenty times.)

Exercise Number Four.

1. Normal position, arms at sides.

2. Advance right foot and weight, arms raised above the head,
palms upward, fingers touching, framing the head.

3. Bow weight to left foot, arms hanging in front, hands loosely
clasped.

4. Right foot to left, normal position, arms at sides.
(Repeat twenty times.)

Note.—In the above exercises, hold the head balanced over the spine,
not drawing the chin in, but holding the head free. Make the line from

the shoulder to the belt a long line, not by throwing shoulders back, but
by keeping hip-s under shoulders.

EXERCISES TO DEVELOP THE CHEST
Exercise Number One.

Stand perfectly erect, heels together, arms extended straight to the

  

EXERCISES TO POISE THE HEAD. . 345

7 “'T front, palms touching; now separate palms and let the arms sweep» back-

 

 

ward, at the same time inhaling deeply. When the lungs are well ex-

panded the operation is reversed, the arms being brought to the front
position and the breath exhaled.
(Repeat ten times.)

Exercise Number Two.

Stand perfectly erect, heels together. Drop the arms close to the
hips, then raise them above the head without bending the elbows, ex-
haling—inhaling as the arms are dropped to the hips.

(Repeat five times.)

Note.-—If the head is held well poised over the spine, not resting on
the chest, and the body brought to its utmost height, the bearing will
be distinguished and dignified. Most occupations tend to bring the
head and shoulders forward, cramping the chest. Only by conscious
effort until good positions are established as a habit can this tendency
be corrected.

EXERCISES TO POISE THE HEAD

(The count should be four.)
First Exercise.

1. Normal position, crown of head in a line with instep,'bearing
weight, hips, and shoulders.
2. Exhale slowly, and bow the head forward till the chin touches
the chest.
3. Inhale slowly, and bend the head backward.
4. Bring head to normal position.
(Repeat twenty times.)

Second Exercise.

1. Normal position, head turned towards the right shoulder.
2. Normal position.
3. Normal position, head turned towards left shoulder.

346 GRACEEUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY.

I 4. Normal position.
(Repeat ten times.)

Third Exercise.

Normal position, bow head to chest.
Roll head towards right shoulder and over spine.
Roll head towards left shoulder and center chest.
Head raised to normal position.
Note. —In this exercise the head should describe a complete circle,
the eyes closed on first count and opened on four.
(Repeat ten times.)

“‘90.“?

Fourth Exercise.

1. Normal position, raise arms perpendicular to body at shoulders.

2. Bend elbows and touch finger-tips at back of neck.

3. Touch finger-tips, palms upward, on crown of head, stretching the
body to its full height.

4. Normal position.
(Repeat five times.)

TO CORRECT DEFECTIVE SHOULDER-BLADES
(The count should be four.)
Exercise Number One.
1. Normal position, raise arms straight at the sides, palms toward
2. Bend elbows and touch finger-tips at back of neck.

3. Press elbows back and chest forward.

4. Normal position.
(Repeat five times.)

Exercise Number Two.

1. Normal position, raise arms perpendicular to body at shoulders,
_ paims up.

2. Describe a segment of a circle toward the front, touching the
fingers.

 

 

 

TO CORRECT UNEVEN SHOULDERS. 347

3. Retrace circular movement and gradually press arms toward the
back, keeping shoulders well down.

4. Normal position.
(Repeat five times.)

To CORRECT UNEVEN SHOULDERS
When right shoulder is the lower.

1. Normal position, placing finger-tips on shoulders.

2. Force the shoulders down as if weight were suspended from
elbows.

3. Thrust the right hand up. and the left hand down.

4. Normal position.

(Repeat ten times.)

Note.——-If left shoulder be the lower, in third count reverse the direc-
tions.

After becoming reasonably accurate in these exercises, they can be
made even more beneficial by making of them breath-control exercises,
always being guided by the

RULE F‘OR RESPIRATION:

Exhale the breath when the lungs are contracted. Inhale the breath
when the lungs are expanded.

BEAUTY VERSUS HEALTH

Charles W. Emerson, in his work entitled “The Emerson School of
Oratory,” says: “The Greek sculptors have shown us what God meant
physically when he created man. Beauty and health cannot be di-
vorced. That which produces health produces beauty; that which pro?
duces beauty will produce health. * * * One of the most important
functions of muscular exercise is to assist the arterial system. The heart,
unaided, cannot perform all the work of carrying the blood through the
System. The heart is assisted by the arteries, and they are prompted to
healthy exercise by the effect produced upon them by the muscles when in
action. The arteries can be assisted by any muscular exercise. Any form
of exercise is better than no form at all, but I believe these motions the

348 GRACEFUL DEVELOPMENT OF THE BODY.

most helpful which are at the same time the most beautiful. All nature’s
lines are curved lines. The curved line is the line of beauty.” In another
place, when speaking of the

SOUNDNESS OF THE BRAIN

Emerson again says: “One of the most encouraging signs of these
times is that people are coming to recognize that there is no virtue in be-
ingsick. The time has been when life was considered unholy, but vitality
is as precious in the sight of God as is intelligence. Soundness of brain
depends upon soundness of body. There is no such thing as a. sound mind
in an unsound body. The unsoundness of mind may not be very appar-
ent, but it is actual. The test of the health of the body is happy sensation
continuous. We are responsible to God for our bodies.”

Such authority as the above should be sufficient to persuade us all
of the benefits of physical culture. It is indeed a great blessing that
pupils can now avail themselves of the opportunity of attending good
schools of oratory, for hand in hand with oratory is taught that develop-
ment of the whole body which makes men as gods and women as god-
desses in society.

CHAPTER XXXVI.
UNSELFISHNESS—THE KEY TO GRACIOUSNESS

   
 

“Teach self-denial, and make its practice pleasurable, and you create for
~‘ the world a destiny more sublime than ever issued from the brain of the

wildest dreamer.”
—-SIR WALTER SCOTT.

HE first requisite to graciousness of manner, that sweet and gentle
T courtesy that wins all hearts, is forgetfulness of self. No one
is impervious to the charm of alfability, and no one can deny its

poWer to conquer the hardest and most stolid nature.
_ Lillian Whiting says, “To be courteous to one’s peers is all very well,
, but it is fairness and courtesy and consideration to those in dependent
E or limited conditions that constitutes the true test of the gentleman or
the lady. It is in this that the inherent aristocracy of good family and
"‘ good breeding is revealed. True aristocracy is not at all a matter of
possessions, but of quality of Spirit. Its range will never be found by
statistics of the income tax. It is written in another language. When
the street-car conductor with gentle courtesy raises a woman’s umbrella,
holding it over her as she steps off in the rain; or when the boor, though
i he be a multi-millionaire, rudely bars the way and allows people to
* pass as best they can with no consideration from him,——who is the
gentleman? who is the true aristocrat? When the hostess selects her
guests on the basis of those who can entertain sumptuously in return,
or on the basis of agreeable social qualities,—which is the most truly

 

aristocratic?”

It may seem like a contradiction to assert that this delightful quality
can be implanted and nurtured in a child’s heart, and yet to say, that
there have been examples where it was inborn and did not need fostering
care. Instances without number can be given where an humble peasant
has shown a fine breeding which the proudest grandee might envy. And
this is a. proof of the statement that to be really gracious the heart must

be entirely free from self-love.
349

350 UNSELFISHNESS—THE KEY TO GRACIOUSNESS. '

A disposition to make every one at ease lends a brightness to the ;;
face and a gentleness to the manners that nothing else can give. This";
graciousness is illustrated in the lives of some of the world’s greatest
men and women. 5

GIVING ONE’S- LIFE FOR ANOTHER

Professor Drummond, in “The Greatest Thing in the World,” calls 2,
special attention to the fact that much of Jesus’ time was spent in ‘
doing kind things. “To love abundantly is to live abundantly.”

What could be more exquisitely unselfish than the dying general 3
who, ‘when a cup of water was brought to him on the field, after the .
battle, seeing a common soldier who lay wounded and helpless a few
feet away, whose wistful, longing eyes followed the cup with eager
desire, said to the poor fellow, passing him the water, “Take it; thy
need is greater than mine.”

What is more engaging than a girl’s thoughtful care for others? It
makes her presence a perpetual dispenser of gladness. And the lady
whose greeting as a hostess sets you at ease—does it not drive away
the crust of hardness which was forming round your own?

The man or woman who possesses gracious manners is unworldly.
Little do policies and expediencies concern them. They are not of the
sort that bidsfor popularity. With them nothing is desirable save that
which is true and worthy. Loyal to their highest instincts, they move
through the world like “some bright, particular star.”

A lady of gracious manner-s is never found encouraging ill-natured
gossip, nor does she frown upon the awkward or those unaccustomed to '
the usages of society. Instead, kindest smiles and her genial words
encourage and instruct them unconsciously. They are the prime
movers in that good work whose results shall be far-re~aChing—even
eternal. Unselfish and noble, generous and free, they will purify the
weak-hearted and lift up the feeble.

WORDS OF PRAISE

To leave unsaid those words of appreciation which we should have

 

   
  
   
 
  
 

WORDS OF PRAISE. 351

said, and to leave undone those things we ought to have done, is perhaps
a greater wrong than to do a thing we ought not to do.

When a truly unselfish person meets one in need, and with a silent
,ycomprehension of his sufierings, brings into play that beautiful unsel-
Tfishness, the key to all graciousness, then does he fulfill the command,
.2 “As oft as ye have done it unto the least of these My little ones, ye have
.;done it unto Me.” To be kindly and to be interested in everything that
”interests others, no'matter how dry in itself; to have a quick word of
praise; to be ready with the justification of the unfortunate—to be all

this and far more, as the unselfish one always is, is a. great and glorious

 

 
  
   
  
  
  
   
  
 
 
 
   
  
  
 
  
  
   
  
  
 
   
  
  
  
  

s,

and respect.

A stately mansion, bright and gay

With festal light, made darkness day

_ Far up and down the dusky street

i?- That Christmas night, while hurrying feet
Sped swiftly by, nor scarce delayed

For all the dulcet sounds that strayed
‘In merry measures from within,

" Where harp and flute and violin

" In soft accordance, wild and sweet,
Made music for the dancers’ feet.

All silken-clad those feet that kept
That time and tune, or lightly stept
From room to room, from stair to stair;
All silken—clad; while standing there
Shut from the summer warmth and cheer,
The silken perfumed atmosphere

Of wealth and ease, a little maid

With beating heart, yet unafraid,
Enchanted, watched the fairy scene
Between the curtains’ parted screen.
The fierce north wind came sweeping past
;7 And shook her with its wintry blast;

{ The frosty pavement of the street

‘ Chilled to the bone her ill-clad feet;

Yet moment after moment fled

And there she stood, with lifted head,
Her eager eyes, as in a trance,

Fixed on the changes of the dance,
Her eager ears still drinking in

mission. And to such the world must ever pay the homage of admiration

A CHRIST-LIKE CHILD

The strains of flute and violin;
And still, as sped the moments past,
Colder and‘colder swept the blast.

But little heed had she, or care,

Her glance upon one vision fair,

One vision, one, beyond the rest—-

A girl with roses on her breast,

And with a look upon her face,

The sweet girl-face of Heaven’s own
grace, .

As through the dance she smiling led

Her youthful guests, with airy tread.

“Ah, would she smile on me like this
And would she give me kiss for kiss

If I could stand there at her side?”

The wistful watcher softly cried.

Even as she spoke she closer crept,

Upon the broad, low terrace stept,

And nearer leaned—Just then, just there,
A street light sent a sudden flare

Across her face—One startled glance,
And from the changes of the dance,
With beating heart and eyes dilate,
The girlish mistress of the féte

Sprang swiftly forth.——A moment more
And through the window’s open door
Another guest was ushered in.

Her lip was pale, her cheek was thin.

352 UNSELFISHNESS—THE KEY‘TO GRACIOUSNESS.

No costly robe of silk and lace
Appareled her, and on her face

And in her dark, bewildered eyes

A shock of fear and shamed surprise
Did Wildly, desperately gleam,
While here and there, as in a. dream,
She vaguely heard, yet did not hear,
The sound of voices far and near.

She tried to speak: some word she said

Of all her troubled doubt and dread,

Some childish word—“what would they
do?”

Then all at once a voice rang through

Her troubled doubt, her troubled fear,
“What will they do, why, this—and this!” 43
And on her cold lips dropped a kiss. ..

 

 

And round her frozen figure crept
A tender clasp—She laughed and wept ;
And laughed again, for this and this, ”E
This tender clasp, this tender kiss,
Was more than all her dream come true
Was earth with Heaven’s light shining 3:
through,
Was Christ’s own promise kept aright—7
His word fulfilled on Christ-day night!

 

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CHAPTER XXXVll.
THE. POSSIBILITIES OF WOMEN

“I have ever held it as a maxim, never to do that through another, which

it was possible for me to execute myself.”
—MONTESQUIEN.

But it is a well-established fact that the time is here when
the opportunities for more thorough culture are available to
women as well as men. One of the chief obstacles to woman’s higher
culture lies in the superficial character of her past studies, and to the
opposition of a certain class of men whose misconception of the. true
elevation of women leads them to regard all who seek for a Wider field

‘ N I OMAN’S culture is a subject of vast importance and interest.

as masculine and unlovely.

But an honest examination into the daily lives of some of the most
domestic and exemplary mothers and wives, whose souls have expanded
under the sunlight of a more finished education, will speedily satisfy
such critics and carpers that a thorough education does not militate
against the performance of whatever duties fall to the lot of any woman
in her social or business life, but on the contrary, fit her for their more
intelligent and conscientious discharge.

FIT WOMAN FOR HER SPHERE

The woman who realizes how vast are her responsibilities, and who
asks advice from those who are more experienced, or shall we say, Wiser
than herself, has taken the first step toward developing her own higher
self, and through this means, rendering herself better able to bring out
what is best in the mental, moral and physical nature of those around
her. The intellectual achievements of men have been so many and have
followed each other in such rapid succession, that a corresponding ad-
vance is called for in women, else will they fall far behind the level of

men, and cease to be the companions of those whom they wed—rather

353

354 THE POSSIBILITIES OF WOMEN.

will they sink into the petted darling or the household drudge. The
higher education which we would demand for women is one which will
render them able to train the children intrusted to them and become'the
confidants and advisers of the husband, entering into his plans, cheering
his heart by sharing his cares, and by sensible suggestions and wise
counsel, becoming a veritable “helpmeet.”

ENTERING THE PROFE‘S’SIONS

Education is not, as some suppose, the means that leads women into
professional life. All men who are college bred do not ado-pt the callings
for which they are prepared. But if by any chance they are called upon
to carve out their own life-work, are they not infinitely better able to
become successful than the unfortunate lover of pleasure who has no
such resources? A professional education for women is an advantage,
and many writers of excellent judgment advocate the admission of the
gentler sex to those professions which hitherto have been open only to
men. There is no fear that the choice of any calling which a woman
has a taste for, will either unfit her for a home life or will tend to make
her coarse or repulsive. The world is full of true ladies who pursue
their daily avocations, whether in managing a large business or attend-
ing to the details of a comparatively small one, in a modest, self-respect-
ing way.

SHERIDAN’S VIEWS

, - The first man in England to awake to the necessity of giving women

’ a national education was Sheridan. He saw their power and the in-
fluence they exercised, and he lamented the lack of higher culture. He
Said, in this connection:

“Women govern us; let us try to render them perfect; the more they
are enlightened, so much the more shall we be. On the cultivation of
the mind of women depends the wisdom of men. It is by women that
nature writes indelible lessons on the hearts of man.”

To Peter the Great, of Russia, do the women of that land owe what
means they enjoy for freedom in social and public life. Before his reign
they were kept in jealous seclusion. Her position had ever been one of

 

AUTOMbBILE' DRIVING

Since the automobile has come Into use it is interesting to know that it is quite as good taste for a lady
to drive as for a gentleman.

 

   

.“flvmnwggzw W. _ ‘ > .‘ <-,.

THOROUGH EDUCATION. 357

hardship and contempt, for the ancient Slavs considered women as
. evil spirits, against whose influence they could not be too well protected.

The Tartars always regarded her as an inferior being. Peter the Great
very abruptly changed this order of things, and gave them, liberty to
act and think for themselves. Only in America are women permitted
such a degree of equality as the Russian women enjoy; but we are .also
accorded here a chivalric regard, such as no Russian can ever be made
to feel for women.

THOROUGH EDUCATION

Boys and girls should receive the same sort of an education; one
that will strengthen-all the faculties of the mind and bring them into
play. This education comprises manners, habits, and discipline, and
there is no reason why the same course of studies should not be followed
by both sexes. And here higher culture steps in to show its opponents
how far superior it is to the superficial smattering of so many branches
as are usually thrust upon the young. Limit, the number of studies—-
select those which will best instruct, seethat they are thoroughly
mastered, and thus lay a solid foundation for that mental and spiritual
training which each one needs to help in the formation of character. it
also gives them more ability to train themselves for any stated work,
and increases their independence so that they need not enter into a
foolish or loveless marriage, as the only escape from a life of loneliness
or care. And here a word is fitting regarding the physical growth.
Any system of education that arrests or distorts her full development,
physical as well as mental, is based on error, nay, is a crime. Too great
strain is often imposed upon the young of both sexes, and serious con-
sequences result. The higher culture which we should aim for takes
into account the physiological principles, and helps them to produce a
harmonious growth that will enable them to attain to a grand ideal,
the hope of future generations. ‘

OPPOSING HIGHER EDUCATION

Were the true aims of higher culture understood, it would be uni-
versally embraced and preached. But to many it seems. merely an

 

358, ‘ THE POSSIBILITIES OF WOMEN.

increase in the quantity of studies followed, and in wild and visionary
schemes, which can never be realized. This is not so. All of the methods
of instruction have flagrant faults, and these can only be corrected by the
practical idea of higher culture—a broader and more thorough course
that shall produce larger results, both financially and morally. The
woman who is a student of higher culture is better able to cope with
the varied and vexing questions that continually present themselves.
Political economy would no longer be a. sealed volume to them. As
women of means they would transact business with more knowledge
and less risk of being defrauded. As wives and mothers an understand-
ing of the laws of hygiene would help them to ward off or relieve the
ills they find about them perpetually. They would not exhibit that
ignorance in the training of their offspring so lamentable in many cases.
The laws of ventilation, of health, would not be permitted violation
until sickness and death came stalking in. In myriads of ways the
higher education we clamor for would prove a “blessing in disguise.” To
men a woman would stand as the embodiment of all that is pure and
true. They would acknowledge her superiority in all those virtues that
endear women to good men. With these grand aims carried out faith-
fully, many annoying problems of social life would be swept aside, the
world would be better, and both sexes would arrive at the true dignity
of life—the one thing most to be desired—a perfect manhood'and
womanhood.

 

 

’ CHAPTER xxxan
WOMEN IN BUSINESS

“Women, so amiable in themselves, are never so amiable as when they
are useful.”

  

——COBBETT.

BOOK of the comprehensive character of this work must
reserve a place in which to speak a few words for the women
who have taken their stand on the broad plane of action, and

who are found in so many departments of labor, toiling bravely and
courageously for their own sustenance, or for
some one who is dependent upon them. These‘
women are entitled to the highest respect, and we
assert without fear of contradiction, that it is a.
guarantee of the morality and vir-
tue of a nation when it extends its
hands to the honest womanly work-.
er and vouchsafes equal protection
to her in her chosen vocation, with
her brother or father who has
hitherto borne the brunt of that con- .
flict ever waged by the bread-win-
ner. ,
In a land such as ours, where
fortunes are made and lost so rap-
idly, where the wealthy merchant of to-day
may be the poor man of to-morrow, it often
becomes absolutely necessary that the fair
and gentle daughter or the loving wife
should contribute something to the main-
tenance of a home, or the care of an invalid
father, whose reverses and anxieties have
robbed him of strength and ambition at

an age when he should be enjoying rest. '
359

     
 

 

 

 

 

360 WOMEN IN BUSINESS.
QUALITIES THAT WIN EST‘E‘EM

Lillian Whiting says, “The qualities that win esteem in the drawing—
room win esteem in the counting-room. In the world of affairs, as in
the world of home and society, there is no success worthy the name for
the woman who is not a. lady, and there is no more excuse for her not
being a lady in any contact with the world of affairs than there is for
her failing to be one in social life. In fact, the refinement, the courtesy,
the good breeding, the sweetness of spirit that make a woman esteemed
socially are indispensable to her success and to her winning and holding
the esteem of her associates, or of those with whom she may come in
contact in the activities of life. In the increasing avenues of industrial
labor opened to women, and pre-empted by them, there is not one in
which refinement, delicacy, and courtesy will not prevail over self-
assertion, aggressiveness; selfishness or rudeness. It is the gift and
grace of womanhood that she may win. Why, then, should she re-
nounce this higher and finer prerogative to descend into strife and
demands? She may win a thousand things where she could not com-

mand, merely by force, even one.”

COMPELLE’D TO ElARN A LIVELIHOOD

However much men may declaim against women for working in
ofi‘ices or shops, it is an undeniable fact that most of those who seek
positions are compelled to do so. Then why should men antagonize
them? We are not speaking of the frivolous girl who works that she
may have more money to spend in dress and ornaments, and who is
keeping the girl who needs that work out of a chance to earn an honest
living; but of the conscientious, self-respecting, refined young lady who
sees the necessity of self-denial and activity, and who modestly but firmly
asks for work, that she may become a factor in the world’s great work-
shop, and an aid and a comfort to those who need her help.

A LIFE-WORK

Another objection which men bring against their sister laborers is
that they do not intend to make their calling a lifeworkwthat they are

 

 

a 7‘w

ETIQUETTE IN BUSINESS. 361

aiding over the years till they can find a husband, and that from this
fact alone they do not make themselves thorough and competent work-
men. We are fearful that this cause of complaint is just, and therefore
it should be no longer a ground for complaint. The remedy lies in the
hands of women. Acquaint yourselves thoroughly with the occupation
which you have chosen. Act and work as though it was to be continual,
and if marriage comes to you (and it is only proper and natural that a
home should be preferred to a public life) then some other girl will
stand ready to take your place, whose fidelity to business will entitle her
to the respect of her employers and associates.

E'TIQUETT‘E IN BUSINESS

Many young ladies accept employment and do not realize that they
are paid for doing work—not for posing or giggling in office hours, or
receiving attentions from their associates. If you are reproved for
carelessness or an error, do not pout and‘ talk about your employer,
behind his back. When you assumed the duties of office work you came
under precisely the same rules as those which govern the male em-
ployees, and should do your part as faithfully as they are supposed to do.

Do not make your own hours and come sauntering in ten or fifteen
minutes late. Take precisely the amount of time allotted to you by
the rules of the oifice for your nooning. Do not leave your desk and
engage in conversation with the other employees, either male or female.
You not only bring the displeasure of your superiors down upon you,
but subject yourself to ridicule by those whom you thus distinguish,

- who will, to a man, make remarks about the “soft cinch” you have, “the

way you kill time,” etc. Don’t shut your eyes to this truth.
MODESTY ADMIRE'D

A young lady who works in an office, in any capacity, meets many
strangers. In all your dealings be. reserved, modest, and self-reliant.
Do not presume to dictate, to suggest or to jest with any one, and if a
tendency to this is shown, check it at once. You must exact respect,
and your value as a work woman will be greatly enhanced thereby.

362 WOMEN IN BUSINESS.

DRESS FOR BUSINESS '

Do not make the mistake of dressing expensively or showily in
business hours. Wear quiet colors and pretty neck adornments. You
need not assume a sombre or unbecoming garb, but elegant silk waists,
expensive jewelry, gaudy skirts are entirely out of place in business.

LOUD TALK

Never speak in loud or boisterous tones. If you have occasion to
address your employer, asking instructions, do so in a, low tone, and
. approach him when he is least engaged and best able to attend to you.

Do not permit him to pay you compliments. A self-respecting girl
Will make him understand that they are offensive. Never accept an
invitation to dine with him. It is an attention which he would scarce
think of bestOwing upon a male clerk, and there is no reason why he
should extend it to you.

Be attentive to your business, and if you are asked to perform some
extra duty, even though it may not belong to- your province, comply
politely. Make yourself useful to your employer and you will not be
the loser. Keep a calm, polite demeanor always. If a stranger enter
the office, and there is no one to address him, step forward and inquire
his business .and inform him when the proper person will be in whose
duty it is to attend to him. When any one is at the telephone, do not
try to keep posted as to'the conversation. It does not concern you in
the slightest, else you would be summoned.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER XXXIX.
REAL AND FANCIED WRONGS

“Beauty is never so lovely as when adorned with a smile, and , eon-
versation never sits easier upon us than when we now and then discharge
ourselves in a symphony of laughter, which may not improperly he called the

chorus of conversation.”
' -—STEELE.

HERE comes to nearly every individual at times in life hours of
suspicion, envy, gloom, distrust and even hatred. In order to
make these hours as few as possible, and to make the rallying

from them a permanent one, let us look them square in the face and see
What is their cause and how they can be overcome

OVER‘COMING GLOOM AND HATRED

Wrongs of every nature, whether real or fancied, warp the judgment,
sour the disposition and render those who possess them unlovable to all
with whom they come in contact. Until these faults can be mastered,
one will always appear to disadvantage.

If anyone has really done you an injustice—if they have wronged
you—forgive them and bury the sorrow so everlastingly deep as to
make it impossible to unearth it again. This is God’s way. It is some
times hard to do, but it can be done. Read over many times what
Charles Fillmore says on this subject. I reproduce his remedy below.
Where the words first appeared, I know not, or whether they have been
preserved at all in book form, but this I know, that a prominent physi-
cian in Chicago has had hundreds of them printed and given a copy to
each patient who comes for advice. Try Mr. Fillmore’s remedy and ,
see the efiect.

GUARANTEED T‘O CURE EVERY ILL

“Sit for half an hour every night at 9 o’clock and mentally forgive
every one against whom you have any ill-will or antipathy. If

you fear or are prejudiced against even an animal, mentally ask
. 363

 

 

36$ REAL AND FANCIED WRONGS.

5:

forgiveness of it and send it thoughts of love. If you have accused ',

any one of injustice, or talked about them unkindly, or criticised them,

or gossiped about them, withdraw your words by asking them in the V

silence to forgive you. If you have had a falling out with friends or

relatives, are at law or engaged in contention with any one, write
letters of forgiveness and withdraw all prOceedings that will tend to
prolong the separation. See everybody and everything as they really
are, Pure Spirit, and send them your strongest thoughts of love. Do
not go to bed any night feeling that you have an enemy in the world.

“Be careful not to think a, single thought or say a word that will
offend. Be patient, loving and kind under all circumstances. You can
do this if you are faithful to the Silent Hour, because there you will be
helped to overcome the selfishness of the carnal sense.

“There is an immutable law lying back of this. God is Love, and
'Love is manifest as life. God is thus manifest in and through all His
creations, and if we do aught to cut off the love of any person we are
cutting off the love of God, hence the life that flows through all. When
We by withdrawing from our fellows in any way out the cords of love
that bind us together as men and women, we at the same time sever
the arteries and veins through which the Universal Life flows. We
then find ourselves mere bundles of strained nerves, trembling and
shaking with fear and weakness and finally dying for lack of God’s
love. But the omnipresent Spirit ever seeks to flow into and stimulate
us in every faculty. We must, however, by our words and acts, ac-
knowledge this all-powerful Presence as the moving factor, because
we each have inherent free will which welcomes or rejects all things——
God, even, not being excepted.

“Self-condemnation is also a great error and leads to dire results.
If you have accused yourself of ignorance, foolishness, fear, sickness,
anxiety, poverty, anger, jealousy, stinginess, ambition or weakness, or
if you are melancholy and indulge in the “blues,” ask forgiveness for
each of the loving Father, in whose perfect image and likeness you
s piritually are. Say often to this Holy Omnipresence:

“I do now sacrifice these human limitations unto Thee, 0 Father.
I am obedient unto the Law of my Being, and I know that m Thee 1

utterly!”

 

— marlgy grew,” 5..

my

2 I s ' ‘ ‘A“

THE WHOLE HOME MADE MISERABLE.

so has to be pacified over and over again.

n. g
. H . I“

FANCIED LII/’RONGS.

FANCIED WRONGS

 

365

am brave and true, energetic and wise, pure and perfect, strong, rich
and courageous. Thou art my Almighty Resource and I do trust Thee

For fancied slights there is no better remedy than the open air.
Trust to the atmosphere of heaven to blow away the discord. Do active
work and fill the mind with that positive good which excludes evil.

Send out thoughts
of love; love to those
whom you fancy
have done you
wrong, and love to
God as well.

REPAIRS

There are people
who, like a machine,
need to undergo
continual repairs.
Left to themselves,
they rust and get
out of gear. They
imagine themselves
neglected unless
they have constant
attention. If not in-
vited on every occa-

‘ sion, they imagine

they are being
slighted and put on
injured airs. This
injured person is al-
ways finding some

new grievance and
Such people are social

9"“

r

3G6 ' REAL AND FANCIED WRONGS.

problems. The only treatment available is that from within, not with-
out. The overcoming one must do for himself. Life is too short for
petty, selfish broodings. Overcome it now before the suffering is made ”i
greater. Go to your heavenly Father and ask for His help, then live g
‘persistently in the silence of love, peace and faith. No friendship is

 

worth the having that is not self-respectinoz Hold the right purpose and {
no matter how unjust the other may be, in the end, you will conquer.
It is the laW.‘

 

 

 

 

   
 

CHAPTER XL.
HIGHER CULTURE

“Every man has two educations—that which is given to him, and the other,

that which he gives to himself” 0f the two kinds, the latter is by far the most
valuable. Indeed all that is most worthy in a man, he must work out and
conquer for himself. It is that, that constitutes our real and best nourishment.

What we are merely taught, seldom nourishes the mind like that which we teach

ourselves.”

—RICHTE R.

HE receptivity of every individual to higher culture is unlimited.
T He receives from his thoughts and environment the good or bad,
the pure or impure, according to circumstances. With the great,
the thoughts and manners easily become great. With the low, the
thoughts and manners become low, and so it was that poor dog Tray
got into trouble because of the company he kept. “He that walketh
with the wise men shall be wise, but a companion of fools shall be de-
strayed.”

The child from his earliest understanding should be taught to realize
his divine origin, his capabilities, and his final promotion, not, however,
by being reared in the lap of negative resistance, for the soul that has
never been touched by sorrow, passion or temptation, cannot comp-re-
hend higher culture. There is a vast difference between innocence
which has never met temptation and temptation itself.

CULTIVATE SELF-FORGETFULNESS '

Self-denial or forgetfulness of self should be the first lesson taught.
The thought of self always brings into the household inharmonious con-
ditions. To the individual it collects and hoards up a volume of condi-
tions that must sooner or later descend like an avalanche upon him.
Unless a child is taught to forget self, the home atmosphere becomes
surcharged With the complainings and repinings—and so on through‘
the period of one’s home development, each and every year adding to
the discomfort of the family, until at last he carries it into business

and nolitics. where he depresses all with whom he comes in contact.
867

368 HIGHER CULTURE.

 

:12: law-«n: , pm.

OULTIVATE COURAGE

“Courage is nothing but knowledge,” says Emerson, and the fairest ,
fortune that can befall man is to be guided by his higher self to that
which is truly his own. Courage leads one on to heroic deeds, even to
victory. It stimulates the soldier to a bravery that ends in death if
need be, and urges the sailor to the rescue of the helpless and perish- a.
ing. Courage strengthens the mother’s fainting heart and imbues her
with renewed life that she may fight the vicissitudes and privations
that have come to her and her little flock. Courage puts vigor into the
heart and sparkle into the eye. Courage enables the soul to go bravely
on in spite of the rocks and shallows, the breakers and the billows,
until, like the Elder Brother, one can say when promised the kingdoms
of the world and the glory of them, “Get thee hence, Satan.”

CULTIVATE JUSTICE

Justice is the exponent of all things right and proper. It conforms
to no rule but circumstance; and decides only by man’s consciousness.
Make it your umpire, your arbitrator and your peace-maker.

KEEP PURE IN HEART

Virtue is an inspiration. Like a divine gift, it becomes the dew of
. early morning, sweet, delicious and cool, a well-spring of eternal joy.
It erects the safe-guard of protection around the young and unwary. It
establishes homes and builds household altars. It makes pleasantness
and peace and gladness in the hearts of all men.

“Whatsoeve-r things are pure, true, lovely and of good report, think
on these things.” Think you that the boy or girl trained in right think-
ing and pure speech can any more defile the sweet air of heaven than
can the bright, rippling mountain stream pollute the river in the valley
below? Clean speech, tender words and gentle sayings make the world
a paradise.

CULTIVATE T‘RUT‘HFULNES‘S.

Of all the ills that man creates for himself the worst is that of false.

 

THE MOTHER’S RESPONSIBILITY. ' 369

§ .

hood. It lowers and debases, it perjures and pollutes, it robs and it
cheats; not the one to whom the lie is directed, but the one from whom

. the falsehood emanates. Let all one’s sayings be golden, else silence
were better.

“The lips of truth shall be established forever, but a lying tongue
is but for a moment.” “The sincerity of the man reaches to his sen-
tences.” Every word that he utters colors the atmosphere about him.
Therefore let every man speak wisely and well for we are persuaded
“that a thread runs through all things and all worlds are strung on it.”
“It is not that which goeth into the mouth dofileth a man, but that
which cometh out of the mouth; this defileth a man.” Cultivate calm-
ness of speech and hearken unto the words of righteousness, for they
shall be unto thee as a lamp that lighteth thy soul. Heed not the bois-
terous and unseemly talk of the accuser,the defamer and the contentious,
but let thine own speech be such that it “shall distill as the small rain
upon the tender herbs and as the showers upon the grass.”

THE MOTHER’S RESPONSIBILITY

Have you thought, mothers, what a tremendous influence you wield
' upon the world during the period of gestation? How often you should
ask yourself, “What shall the harvest be?” Like Mary of old, you
should meditate and pray and picture in your mind “a prince of peace”
—“one altogether lovely.” W'hat wonder that when Jesus came his
presence was a benediction, his words spirit and life, his look, touch
and thought a healing power! '

Let us henceforth see to it that our hearts as well as our manners
are true; that they radiate sympathy, love; that they beat with a grow-
ing desire to help and not hinder the work of making the world a better
one. If we realized how many are the wounded souls about us ready to
drop with the burden of life; if we realized how many are the bereaved
hearts dumb with despair, and we neglected our opportunities to be
God’s messengers, we should scarcely be worthy the implied rebuke
and command which Jesus gave to Peter when he said, “Simon, son of
Jonas, lovest thou Me more than these? Then feed My sheep.”

The artificial polish of manner will ever be like the “sounding of

 

370 HIGHER CULTURE.

brass and the tinkling of symbols” compared to that higher culture
which elevates and uplifts the real self. The cultivation of love and
truth in the heart lifts the head, straightens the spine, squares the
shoulders, puts sparkle and brightness into the eyes, tints the cheeks
and invigorates the whole body. With the cultivation of love, generosity
and charity, the face becomes beautiful, the form grows graceful and the
eyes shine with a light divine. Love transfigures, truth transforms
and charity glorifies.

MAXIMS VVORT'H REMEMBERING

Cultivate that inward knowledge which teaches what is right and
wrong.

Never take delight in another’s misfortunes.

It is better to forgive an injury than avenge it.

You can accomplish by kindness what you cannot by force.
Pardon the ofiense of others, but not your own.

What you blame in others do not practice yourself.

By forgiving an enemy you make many friends.

He who rules his temper conquers his greatest enemy.

The wise man governs his passions, but the fool obeys them.

Lead not one life in public and another in private.

CHAPTER XLl.
THE SHAPING OF CHARACTER

 

7’

“Give us the man, shout the multitude, “who will step forward and take
the responsibility.” He is instantly the idol, the lord, and the king among men.
He, then, who would command among his fellows, must excel them more in energy

of will than in power of intellect.
~——BURNA‘P.

ID you ever think, 0 mother, or daugh-

      
 

ter! as you have read or heard of the
kindergarten system, that it forms the
basis of all character building, and
hence is like an oasis springing .up in
the dreary waste of the life of children?
It is an ideal, system of education, one

 
 
 

‘ ff; where the higher nature of the child is
.7.

  
 

~ . cultivated. Its chief object is to accus-
tom him to the companionship of his
, fellows; to teach him the art of living
well with all. Here he learns justice
and generosity, sacrifice and considera-
tion. His divine nature is cultivated, overmastering the mere physical
powers which after all mean but little.

Frederick Froebel, the instigator of this system of education, strove
to carry on the work which Christ began, when He took little children
in His arms and blessed them.

JUDGED BY ITS FRUITS

Our polishing work does not go deep enough; a disease of the heart
needs something more than liniments to rub on the outside; it needs an
internal tonic that will strengthen and harmoniously develop heart, mind-
and body. Surely, dear mother, you do not fail to hear the voice of the

Father in Heaven saying: “Take this child and nurse and train it for me,
371

 

 

372 ' THE SHAPING 0F CHARACTER.

and I will give you wages.” The untold responsibilities of training a
child with moral powers to discern right and wrong, good and evil, and
with capacities of unlimited development, is lovely enough to awaken
the most profound gratitude of the heart, and the utmost solicitude for
grace, wisdom and strength.

THE CHILD IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

No work of greater pleasure or of higher obligation or of greater
honor, or of richer reward could be given you to do. Your child is what.
you make it; and remember, your work of training and developing can-
not be begun too soon. The “Nursery,” the “Kindergarten” and the
“Public Schools” mould the characters of our loved ones. It is well
understood that the first ten years do more to shape character and destiny
than any subsequent decade; the desires, tastes and aims, the habits of
thought and feeling indicated, and the course of after life determined
by the training up to that period.

’Games showing sympathy with the animals of nature and songs for
the little “busy bee,” sewing, drawing and wearing, inspires them with a
desire to be industrious, kind and useful. Though there are needles
to be threaded and patience to be taught, yet the kindly voice of a little
boyr or girl of three summers,.“Will you pease see if I’se dot this right?”
and his little unconscious kiss on the cheek while you assist him, will
show you he is anxious to work and ready to love and make you happy.

Fond parents, study your children, place them within reach of the
best of opportunities before it is too late; keep them pure, innocent,
noble and true. What great care the gardener exercises in cultivating
plants that bloom only for a day, month or season! Are human plants
Of less value?

“A pebble in the streamlet scant
Has turned the course of many a. river;

A dew-drop on the infant plant
Has warped the giant oak forever.”

A MORE PERFECT DAY

If the ignorant and uncultivated classes of the rising generation in

The upper part of this opera
cape can be made of Cheap
figured pink Eiderdown and

the lower part of plain Eider-

down, trimmed 1n Shirred
white Cheese Cloth. The skirt
of pale blue muslin.

 

 
 
 
  
 

 

 

     
 
   

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1 111111111
Rh (7b /.-/”
' 77m f‘

11

 

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T“; N‘mxf“ “\‘f 7"~’

This smart English toi—
lette can be made from
ellow crinoline, with
lack trimmings and bon-
net.

DESIGNS FOR A COSTUME ENTERTAINMENT

 

 

LOVE LIGHTENS LABOR.

Where love) is there "is 710 labor; and if Hu’rc be Iulmr, that labor is lama].
—.\L‘.\"L‘1N.

 

 

 

LET US LIVE WITH 'OUR CHILDREN. 3715
our large ‘cities could be properly trained what, think you, would be
the state of politics, society and religion when the present generation
have passed into oblivion? This is an important and serious considera-
tion, and it is high time that fathers, mothers and educators should see
to it, that they place in the hands of the children committed to their
charge logically developed faculties, and thoroughly trained powers,
so the future of our state and country, suifering no decline of character or
integrity may gloriously rise above the faults and weaknesses of the
present into a brighter and more perfect day.

COME, LET US LIVE WITH OUR CHILDREN

The child learns through doing. The work of the hands clears the
thought of the head.

In the kindergarten the laying of sticks, whole rings and half rings
on the table, hold a little world of amusement in itself, for the children.

At a school where I recently visited, one little fellow on whose mind
the dissemination of astronomical truth hung so heavily as to have im—
pressed him with the appearance of the heavens during a thunder
shower, he made, as he called them, the clouds. These were formed
by little rings curved around the western horizon. Sticks were laid
zigzag fashion to represent the lightning. Way over to the right
peeped the moon, half covered by a cloud; a little further off were two
stars shining dimly. I inquired what that was, pointing to his work of
art. “It’s the heavens during a storm,” he answered. .

Pointing to the other side, I said: “Harry, what’s that?” He re-
plied: “Why, that’s the moon peeping out from behind the cloud, and if
it comes clear out, then it will be a moony night; and if clouds hide it,
then it will be a rainy night.” The disheartened young architect looked
up and said: “I’ve dot it all but the rain.” Then a happy thought strik-
ing him, he took his fingers and said: “This is the way the rain comes ,
down,” and he smiled triumphantly at his success.

THEIR WAYS ARE, INDEED, PAST FINDING OUT

The teacher told me that on the day previous a little fellow was throw- _
ing together blocks, making such a confusion of squares and triangles

3:73 THE SHAPING OF CHARACTER.

that she concluded he was tired of play.— Upon inquiry he said: “I’m
making a busted up locomotive. Look! here’s the smoke stack, and
here is the bell, andhere are the wheels gone to smash!”

He said to her: “Now watch me. I can mend the wreck, and put it in
motion again.” So he did.

THE LESSONS OF LIFE.

In the kindergarten there are many occupations such as weaving, em-
broidery, interlacing, folding, pasting, cutting, drawing and perforating,
all containing valuable lessons, the most important of which are industry,
perseverance, self-reliance, sacrifice and unselfishness.

What is more pleasing than the kindness of children to one another
—the older guiding and directing the younger ones, the tying up of bon-
nets, and the pretty heart-felt thanks-coming from the lips and beaming
from the eyes? As it calls to mind‘a little incident that occurred to-day,
I can only think of the love and kindly feeling flowing from heart to
heart. A wee one of five summers wrapped another of the same age, and
almost a stranger. Like a woman of years made her ready for home, then
winding both arms around her neck, gave her a loving kiss, saying:
{‘You’re weady, now.”

Shall we not, dear mother, learn a lesson from this—“That a little
child shall lead them?”

The immortal Garfield said: “I always look with reverence on a boy;
we never know what possibilities are buttoned up under his ragged
jacket.” Never was he so pressed with care and troubles of his busy
life but that he had time to look with pleasure upon a childish face. He
never received them with a frown or an angry look. In him they always
found a I. ounsellor and a friend.

With his noble words still ringing in our ears, and with such a system
of education as that of Froebel’s before us, we cannot but repeat his
motto:

“Come, let us live with our children.”

CHAPTER XL”.
WOMEN BEAUTIFUL ;

   
 

.“Aim at perfection in everything, though in most things it is unattain-
able. However, they who aim at it and persevere, will some much nearer to
it than those whose despondeneg makes them give it up as unattainable.”
—CHESTERFIBLD..

 
  
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
  
 
  
 
 
 
 
  

HE body is the temple of the
soul; the shrine of the spirit.
To care for it and preserve it

in its highest perfection is the
duty of every man and woman.
Every true woman desires to be
beautiful. .Beauty is the gift of the
Creator, and to slight or despise it is
to spurn a precious inheritance. To
make the most of the charms be-
stowed by the Master-hand, is to
cherish and fit the temple for
its occupant.

Frances Willard said: “The
desire to be beautiful is instinc-
tive, because we were all
meant to be so, though so ruth-
lessly defrauded of it, on the
' material plane by the ignorant

 

follies of our own untaught years.” She
uttered a truth which strikes home to the conscious-

and of every man who is led captive by the spells of beauty.
Beauty without sense and intelligence is lamentable; but beauty
joined to wit and intellect is irresistible. Beauty is to woman

What strength is to man. Cultivation of the mind and body should
377

 

excesses of our ancestors and the

ness of every woman who desires to be fair to look upon,‘

 

t

 

2378 ‘ WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

go hand in hand. Then let every girl feel that she is only performing . :7

a pleasant duty when she is using everyproper means to develop and
preserve her natural beauty.

THE STANDARD OF BEAUTY

There can be no fixed standard of beauty where the tastes ofdifferent
peoples are so varied. The Chinese admire fat, laid on in abundance,
and to them the feet of one of our belles who wears a No. 1 shoe are
monstrosities. In some of the barbaric tribes a beautiful woman’s teeth
must be coal black. Some tribes press their babes’ heads to make them
square, while others admire the sugar-loaf head. The French like
embonpoint, the Italians and French pay homage to a lissome grace,
while the English pronounce the woman who unites health and strength
with grace of form as up to the best standard of female loveliness.

HEALTH A REQUISITE‘

There can be no solid and enduring loveliness Without health. This
is the foundation of all beauty. To maintain this, constant exercise is
necessary, that the figure may round out, the’ muscles become firm, and
the step elastic and springy. A beautiful form is often deemed more
desirable than a handsome face. Defects of form are often inherited,
while others are the result of lack of care. Bow-legs come from placing
the child on its feet too young. Uneven shoulders by allowing a child to
sleep continually on one side, or when growing by sitting in school
or at their work, one-sided. If the head is too high at night, round
shoulders will result. All these faults can be corrected, and much
attention given to outdoor exercise, as skating, rowing, horseback riding,
7 swimming, and walking. Lawn-tennis and croquet have their uses also.
All tend to develop the figure, and impart to it that fullness and vigor
‘ which is the perfection of beauty.

CARE OF THE TEETH

Food and drinks that are too hot or too cold will destroy the beauty
of the teeth. They should be brushed after each meal, and the mouth

., k‘“

 

FOUL BREATH. 379

well rinsed with cold water. Cleanliness will preserve and beautify any
teeth, unless they are actually diseased, and then resort should be had
to a good dentist at once. Delay is fatal, for the diseased tooth decays
rapidly, and will infect those that are sound. Salt and water cure
tender gums. One-half teaspoonful of listerine in a half glass of tepid
water is also excellent for the teeth. Never Use a pin or any metal
substance to remove food that lodges between the teeth. When tartar
accumulates upon the teeth, it can only be removed by a dentist. In
the early stages, lemon juice in water will remove it, but if it remains
too long it has a tendency to loosen the
teeth. After using the toothbrush rinse it
in clean cold water, and dry it ready for

      
 

further use.

I
"-sr‘
‘g.

FOUL BREATH-

This most disagreeable af-
fliction rises from two causes—
decayed teeth, or some affec-
tion of the stomach. If the
latter, a physician should be con-
sulted. If the teeth are at fault,
attention at the dentist’s. hands is
again required. A gargle made of a.
spoonful of chloride of lime, dissolved
in a half tumbler of water, will
sweeten the breath. Do not swallow
it. The taint of smoking can be cor-
rected by chewing common parsley,
and the odious taint of onions is also
overcome by parsley, vinegar or burnt
coffee. So many like this latter vege-
table that We append a sure remedy
for their disagreeable odor. Dissolve
half a teaspoon of soda in boiling
water, and drink it, after eating them.

380 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

Orris root is also good. Careful brushing and frequent rinsing of the
mouth will keep the teeth in excellent condition without resorting to tooth
washes or pastes.

TO REMOVE FLESH-WORMS .

These “worms” are merely a greasy or sebaceous matter, which the
glands secrete in little sacs; due generally to a lack of bathing. They
can be pressed out by a watch-key. Then apply a soft cloth, wet with
listerine. The best remedy is to bathe the afiected parts once or twice
a day with warm water, then cold water, and rub dry with a towel.

A FINE COMPLEXION

This is one of the principal essentials of beauty and outranks mere
beauty of feature, for it is of no consequence to possess a perfect arm, or
a beautiful face if the skin is as rough as a nutmeg grater, or is disfigured

by pimples and blotches. 'And what we say is applicable to gentlemen~

as well as ladies. A clear, polished ‘skin can only be had by observing
three things—temperance, cleanliness, exercise and breathing“ The
inordinate use of liquors or strong cofiee, greasy food or hot biscuit will
tell upon the finest complexion in time. The young lady who devours
pickles, sits up half the night reading novels, and lounges round the
house the next day, can never expect that clear, fresh, peach-like com-
plexion which she longs for so ardently. Nourishing food (avoiding
all meat), regular exercise, and perfect cleanliness can alone restore that
youthful brightness to those ladies which they have lost through neglect
of obedience to nature’s laws.

Late hours are inveterate foes to a beautiful complexion. Sleep is
a great restorer of the exhausted nerves. Parties, balls and amuse-
ments of any sort that are carried into the “wee, sma’ hours” should
be indulged in sparingly. The division which some agitators make of
“Eight hours for sleep, eight hours for work, and eight hours for recrea-
tion,” is a very fair one in all departments of life. It has become a
well-recognized fact that the demands of society life upon the gentler
sex are so severe that it has forced them to retire at the end of a. season,
for a period. of rest and massage, which will build up their exhausted

2-;
' Aer",
am- ' fim‘..M:aM

 

   

THE FA CE BR USH. ‘ 381‘

frames and restore their wonted vitality, and that they reappear as
brilliant and beautiful as ever.

THE FACE BRUSH

Among many is now considered quite as important a toilet article as
the hair brush. It is a very fine, soft, round brush, which reaches Well
into the pores and removes all foreign matter. With it many use what
is now known as green soap. It is a pure imported soap, excellent but
somewhat expensive.

PERSPIRATION

The odor of perspiration emanating from some persons is very
offensive. A corrective is to wash the body with water to which has
been added two tablespoonfuls of ammonia—the compound spirits. It
is perfectly harmless.

BRAN MITT‘ENS

Large mittens worn at night filled with wet bran or oatmeal, keep the
hands white, in spite of the disfiguring effects of house-work.

TO PREVENT CHAPPING

After cleansing the hands and thoroughly drying them, apply Indian
meal or rice flour.

Lemon juice, three ounces; white wine vinegar, three ounces, and
white brandy half a pint is a nice preparation.

Ten drops of carbolic acid, and one ounce of glycerine, applied freely
at night, is another cure for chapping.

BEAUTIFUL HAIR

There is no perfection of beauty without fine hair. It is called, even
by that old bachelor, St. Paul, who was rather strict in his ideas of
feminine beauty, “the glory of woman.” The most bewitching face, un-
shaded by soft, shiny hair, and a goodly share of it, cannot lay claim
to beauty. Every woman, who has a fine head of hair, is proud of it,
and justly so. It may be contradicted, but we dare the assertion that

 

382 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

every woman can have this crowning glory if she pays proper attention
to keeping it clean.

.It requires continual brushing. Each morning it should receive a
thorough brushing, lasting at least ten minutes, and the brush used
should be soft and clean. The most dry and harsh hair will yield to
this treatment, and become soft, glossy and strong. The morning is
the best time for performing this duty, for the hair is more pliable then.
It is a bad practice to use a very hard brush, under the impression
that it stimulates the scalp. It may do that, but at the expense of the
hair, which it breaks and snarls and loosens at the roots. The head
should be washed at least twice a month. A good cleanser is to break
the whites of two eggs into a basin of soft water and work them up to
a froth in the roots of the hair. Tar soap is considered by many to be
the best soap with which to wash the hair. Rinse thoroughly with clean
warm water, and wipe and dry the head as thoroughly. Do not dress
your hair until it is perfectly dry, else it will have a musty odor.

When the hair is thin or “endy,” try brushing it the wrong way. It
is a favorite method of grooming it in Paris. Divide the hair into
many small parts, and then, with a large brush, begin the work. Taking
each strand of the hair in the left hand, start at the bottom and brush
upward toward the head. After each strand has been thus brushed,
smooth each one back into its original position. Perseverance in this
process will prove more beneficial than the best tonic advertised.

CARE OF CHILDREN’S HAIR

Great care should be taken of the heads of children. Frequent
cutting should be practiced. Indeed the hair will be much more
luxurious in maturity if it is kept short up to twelve or thirteen years
of age. The scalp should be cleansed each morning with a damp sponge,
and constantly brushed. Fine-teeth combs should never be used; they
scratch and wound the scalp, and loosen the hair.

REMEDY FOR BALDNESS

This recipe has been known for many years, and found a prominent

 

PREVENTING THE HAIR TURNING GRAY. 383

  

j place in the, list of remedies for this evil. It is the celebrated Baron
? Dupuytren’s pomade:

/

Boxwood shavings ............................. 6 oz.
Proof spirit ................................... 12 “ ,
Spirits of rosemary ............................ 2 “ ‘
Spirits of nutmegs ............................ i “

The boxwood shavings should be left in the spirits to steep for four-
teen days at 60 degrees temperature. The liquid is then to be strained
off, and the other ingredients added. Rub this thoroughly on the bald
spots, night and morning.

PREVENTIVE FOR GRAY HAIR

It does not by any means assume that a. person is old because the hair
v has turned white, for premature blanching of the hair is on the increase.
There are many reasons for this, such as late hours, nervous exhaustion,
too much anxiety, giving way to violent passions; all have an evil
tendency. There are many young people whose lives are as placid as
p summer day, whose hair is snowy, and there are old people whose lives
5 have been spent in direct violation of all the laws of hygiene, and yet
U Whose hair is as dark and glossy as in youth. So, after all, it seems as
if these things were constitutional. There does not appear any prob-
ability of “restoring” gray hair to its former color. We can only counsel
moderation in all those pleasures that tend to an exciting, unhealthy
mode of living. We give a recipe that a writer says she believes wards
off gray hair: '

Oxide of bismuth ................................ 4 dr.
Spermaceti ..................................... 4 “
Pure hog’s lard (unsalted) ........................ 4 oz.

Melt the lard and spermaceti together, and when cool add bismuth.
Perfume to suit yourself. Use as a dressing.

DYEING GRAY HAIR

Dyeing the hair is a very dangerous business, as most of the hair-
dyes have for their base sugar of lead, caustic alkalies, limes, litharge

WW” ,. _ ,. a,»

 

l

384 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

and arsenic, all of which burn the hair. We have known of cases of
paralysis of the brain occasioned by the inordinate use of hair dyes
which their unscrupulous makers asserted were “perfectly harmless.”

Shampooing is a great detriment to the beauty of the hair. Soap
fades it, often turning it yellow. Brushing is the only safe method of
removing the dust from the hair, with an occasional washing with the
whites of eggs. Complete rinsing and drying must always follow.
Nightcaps heat the head, and injure the hair.

MOLES

Never tamper with these disfigurements. There is but one way to
have them safely removed, and that is by a surgeon.

THE BATH

Every house should make some provision for a bath-room. Nothing
is so conducive to health and beauty as the bath. It should be of a
temperature from 80 to 95 degrees Fahrenheit. It is not wise to remain
in the bath toolong, and on leaving it a vigorous rubbing with flesh-
brush and Turkish towels aids the circulation. A bath twice a week,
exercise in the open air, plain food, and early rising will prove the best
beautifiers for the complexion, and will change a skin as rough as a
nutmeg grater to one as smooth and brilliant as satin.

If there is no bath-room, a sponge bath can be substituted. Many
~ declare this to be the most desirable form of bathing. Place an oil-
cloth or a rubber mat on the floor, and improvise a bath for yourself.

Shower baths are not safe for delicately organized persons. In all
baths the head should be wet first.

CARE OF THE EYES

The eyes, “those windows of the soul,” are terribly abused. Late
hours, reading by bad lights, straining them by over use, are all destruc-
tive of their beauty. A darkened room is not the best, indeed, it will
weaken them. A good, steady, strong light is more favorable to them.

A physician who has had a large practice in diseases of the eye, savs:

“In cases of ordinary inflammation a safe wash is made by putting

 

TO REMOVE A STY. 385

a. teaspoonful of table salt into one-half pint of water. Allow it to
dissolve thoroughly and use once, twice, or three times a. day in the eye,
and not on the outside, as most people do. When you simply dash the
outside of the lid with salty water the seat of the inflammation is not
reached at all. A teaspoonful of boracic acid, dissolved in a half pint
of warm water and allowed to stand until cool is one of the most cooling
and soothing of the simple eye remedies. It can be used several times
a day, and rarely ever fails to relieve inflammation. .

“It’s an excellent thing to rest the eyes as much as possible,” con-
cludes the doctor.

“Especially does this apply to city people. The things that meet the
eye constantly in the country are not so taxing on the vision, but the
shifting variety of persons and things that one has to see in the city is
very straining. When you get in a street car don’t take a book or paper
along to read to save time, don’t study the people about you, or read‘the
signs as you pass. Quietly close your eyes and become acquainted with
yourself.”

Another almost unfailing remedy for tired or inflamed eyes is the
frequent use of witch hazel diluted with water, half and half. Use it
freely in the eyes, and it will strengthen them amazingly.

TO REMOVE A STY

These painful little afiections are easily removed by placing a little
tea in a bag. Pour on boiling water to moisten it, and apply to the eye
warm. Keep it on all night. A second application will perhaps be

necessary.
HOW TO TRIM THE NAILS

Filbert-shaped nails are esteemed handsomest. Trim them with
round corners. But be very particular to keep the nails clean. Noth-
ing is more disgusting than a finger with a black border at the end.
A well kept nail will be smooth, shiny and rosy.

CARE OF THE HANDS

If a lady desires a soft, white hand she should wear gloves when

 

386 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

performing her household tasks. There is a rubber glove for sale which
many ladies use who do their own washing of dishes. Gloves should
always be worn when outdoors. A beautiful hand is a poem in itself,
and many are the devices resorted to to- keep it white and shapely. A
French recipe for this purpose is to sleep in gloves filled with a paste
ofthe following ingredients:

Half a pound of soft soap, a gill of salad oil, an ounce of mutton
tallow, boiled together until thoroughly incorporated. As soon as done
boiling, but before cold, add one gill of spirits of wine and a grain of
musk. This is rather a troublesome process, but the result is entirely
satisfactory.

' Sleeping in soft old white kid gloves, after rubbing mutton tallow on
the hands, will keep them soft and white.

When the nails or skin are discolored, drop a teaspoon of lemon juice
in a cup of water, which is quite warm. This is a. fine manicure acid,
loosening the skin naturally and removing all stains.

The following lotion renders the arms and neck soft and white:
Mix together two drachms of hazeline, two drachms of benzoin, eight
ounces elder flower water, half an ounce of glycerine, one drachm of
powdered borax. This is to be applied after washing and the arms
bandaged with soft washed linen.

MOIST HANDS

Some people have moist, clammy hands, very disagreeable to the
touch. Exercise, plain living, and the local application of starch powder
and lemon juice will cure this affliction.

CARE OF THE FEET

The health and comfort of the feet depend on the care which they
receive. One way to keep them in a healthy state is to soak them three
times a week in hot water into which a handful of salt has been thrown.
Another excellent treatment is to soak them at night for fifteen minutes
in hot soapsuds. Then rub them well, and with a ball of prumicestone
rub ofi all the dead skin, after which olive. oil or oil of sweet almonds

 

BUNIONS AND CORNS. ‘ 387‘

may be rubbed in. To preserve the bedclothes from being soiled, a pair
of light stockings should be worn to sleep in. Such treatment will keep
the feet in a soft and healthy condition. Cleanliness and health are
closely allied; and these too often neglected members of the body must

receive the attention they deserve if we would maintain their beauty '

and health.

India rubbers should be worn only in rainy, muddy weather. They
prevent the circulation of air, and cause an offensive perspiration. In-
soles are better for the feet than rubbers. Thick-soled leather shoes are
healthy for every-day use, taking care that they are amply long. A short
shoe will deform any foot in time.

BUNIONS AND CORNS

A shoe that is too. large will cause a corn‘ quite as readily as one that
is too small. Pressure or abrasion causes these painful accompaniments
of civilization. Turpentine may be used for both corns and bunions. A
very weak solution of carbolic acid will remove soft corns between the
toes.

CHILBLAINS

Friction is advised on their first appearance, together with the
application of one of the following lotions: (1) Take one part spirits of
wine and five parts spirits of rosemary, and mix. (2) A more active
lotion is the following: Take ten drachms of compound soap liniment
(opodeldo-c) and two drops of tincture of cantharides; mix. One of
these two may be briskly rubbed in on the first appearance of redness
or irritation.

Another excellent remedy is to place the feet six successive nights
in very cold water. If thoroughly rubbed afterwards, one is in no
danger of taking cold.

TINCTURE OF ROSES

Take the leaves of the common rose (centifolia), and place, Without
pressing them, in a common bottle; pour some good spirits of wine upon
them, close the bottle, and let it stand till required for use. This tinc-

. . .5, :1‘3
a!“

 

388 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

ture will keep for years and yield a perfume little inferior to attar of
roses. A few drops of it will sufiice to impregnate the atmosphere of a
room with a delicate odor. Common vinegar is greatly improved by a
very small quantity being added to it.

TO WHITEN THE ARMS

for an evening party or theatricals, rub them with glycerine, and before
the skin has absorbed it all dust on refined chalk.

DYEING THE HAIR BROWN

A dye for the hair is made by boiling walnut bark, say an ounce to a
pint of water, for an hour, slowly, and adding a lump of alum the size of
a thimble, to set the dye. Apply with a delicate brush to eyebrows and
lashes, or with a sponge to the hair.

HOW TO REDUCE FLESH

A man or woman who feels that flesh is accumulating too rapidly
may lose it by drinking sassafras tea, either cold or hot, with or with-
out sugar, as the taste demands. There might be conditions of the
system when it might be injurious, however, and it would be. better to
consult a doctor before using it. A strong infusion may be made of ‘
.one ounce of sassafras to a quart of water. Boil half an hour very
slowly, let it cool, and keep from the air.

A perfectly safe way to get thin is to eat plenty of chopped meat
without any potatoes. Drink as little as possible of any fluid. Exercise
a great deal without drinking and if possible eat no bread, butter or
sweets. Lemonade, acid drinks of any kind, a little strong tea and saline
mineral waters will assist you, but of these take only as little as possible.
Start the morning by drinking a glass of clear water.

HOW TO INCREASE FLESH

Thin people who wish to get stout should eat oatmeal, hominy, or
any of the preparations of wheat now sold. Wheat rolls, corn mush,
cream, chocolate, milk, sugar, omelets, jams, eggs, potatoes, bacon, and
all other fattening foods. They should bathe freely, exercise daily and

 

A GOOD CARRIAGE. 339

keep a happy disposition. There is nothing better than joyfulness and
a contented spirit to grow plump on.

A GOOD CARRIAGE

To keep slim and look youthful learn to hold yourself well. This is
one of the secrets of always looking graceful. Nothing robs a woman of .
youthful beauty more quickly than the thickening of the figure, the
sort of settling down of the waist into the hips, and it can be avoided
if care be taken to hold the body upright when sitting or standing.
The muscles are in this way preserved and kept firm and well stretched.
‘,When standing, let it be fairly and squarely on both feet, and when
sitting the curve of the back should be in, not out.

W'ARDING OFF \VRINKLES

is prolonged by a simple secret, the tepid bath in which bran is stirred,
followed by long friction, till the flesh fairly shines. This keeps. the
blood at the surface, and has its effect in warding oif wrinkles.

MOSQUITOES

These torments may be kept away from the pillow by sprinkling oil
of pennyroyal about it (a few drops), at night. Be careful that the oil
does not fall into children’s hands.

TO REMOVE TAN

_An elegant preparation for removing tan is made of New milkx,
one-half pint; lemon juice, one-quarter ounce; white brandy, one-half
ounce. Boil all together and remove the scum. Use night and morning.

TO PREVENT DISOOLORATION BY A BRUISE

Apply to the bruise a cloth wrung out of nearly boiling water, and
apply until the pain ceases.

COMP‘LEXION WASH

A wash for the complexion very highly prized by Southern ladies
who understand its virtues is the juice of the watermelon. After being

39o WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

exposed to the sun and wind during a drive, sail, or other outing, it will
soothe and allay the burn and whiten the skin. The juice from both
the pulp and rind is used. Washing with it cleanses the skin and makes
it soft and clear. The white pulp, next the red, is sometimes crushed
and bound on the skin to whiten it, with excellent results.

DANGER OF COSMETICS

One of the most famous beauties of the last century, Maria Gunning,
who married the Earl of Coventry, not content with her natural beauty
sought to enhance it, and used cosmetics which caused her death.
Physicians are continually called on to- treat ladies suffering from the
use of injurious cosmetics, and the patient almost invariably used them
in utter ignorance of the harmful nature of the compound. Ladies
cannot be too cautious about using such preparations, the composition
of which they do not understand, however loudly they may be adver-
tised, or however highly recommended.

HIVE’S

When these are caused by eating any article of food, it should be
, discontinued, and a mild laxative be given, as some of the aperient
mineral waters. The itching may be allayed by bathing the skin in
warm, soft water, containing about a tablespoonful of baking soda to
the quart of water. This is also good to allay the itching of prickly-
heat.

WRINKLES

The wrinkles which develop so early upon the neck are dreaded by
every woman, and various are the methods employed to ward them off,
for all know that a beautiful neck, tastily dressed, makes the owner
look fairer and younger. Not even the “crows’-feet” which come to so
many are so much disliked as are the flabby, wrinkled necks, for the
former are often indications of a mirthful disposition, while the latter
are unerring indications of the approach of years. The hand of Time
cannot he stayed, but his marks need not be placed there permanently.

 

 

 

 

 

 

MOURNING

“Grief knits two hearts in closer bonds than happiness ever can; and common sufim‘

ings are far stronger links than common joy.”
—LAMARTINE.

 

 

 

 

 

JEALOUSY

“O jealousy! thou merciless destroyer. More cruel than the grave! What ravages doth

thy wild war make in the noblest busoms."
-—1\/IALLET.

 

PATTI”5 CRUSADE. 393 ‘

A welLknown beauty expert solves the problem of how to keep young
looking thus:

“Gymnastic movements for retarding the .wasting‘ away of the
muscles of the neck, are: 1. Slowly but firmly bend the neck forward
until the chin nearly touches the neck; then gradually raise the head.
2. Slowly but firmly bend the head backward as far as you comfortably
can. Repeat this movement twenty times. 3. Bend the head sideways
to right twenty times and to the left the same number of times.
4. Roll the head slowly to the right, then to the left, twenty times.”

After these exercises the neck should be bathed in warm water and
olive oil soap and rubbed with a soft towel. Follow this by anointing
the neck with retiring cream, and, if persisted in, the fair patient will
soon be rewarded by being the proud possessor of a beautiful white
neck.

It is an excellent plan to Wipe the throat and neck over with lemon
juice twice or three times a week at bedtime, and on the alternate nights
it is well to use a softening cream, which is made as follows: Pound
one and a half ounces of blanched sweet almonds to the finest possible
paste with one ounce of clarified honey, then melt with two ounces of
cold cream, and while the cream is still liquid work in by degrees two
and a half ounces of orange flower water, and continue to stir until the
mixture is cold.

PATTI’ S CRUSADE

Patti, the famous diva, ever young and ever beautiful, tells the world
at large how she avoids wrinkles:

“I get one pound of mutton—fat mutton,” she says. “It is hard, like
suet. Upon a little alcohol stove in my room I try it out. Slowly the
grease simmers in my little white dish until there is a Warm, swimming
cupful of fat. This I run through a little hair sieve which I carry with
me. Once tried out, I take the fat, which is now the purest mutton
tallow, and stir into it as much glycerine as there is fat. I keep stirring
gently until it begins to harden. When it is done, I put it in stone jars.
Every night I massage with this cream. It keeps away wrinkles.”

394 WOMEN BEAUTIFUL.

LINES IN THE FOREHEAD

If you are getting lines in the forehead or at the corners of the mouth
or eyes, smooth them out repeatedly as you would if you were trying to
get the creases out of a ribbon, with common every-day butter with the
salt washed out.

Next take a cup of oatmeal and mix it with cold water until you have
a rather thick paste. Spread this over the face and knead it until it falls
off of itself, as it will, in flakes.

This takes time, but you will find the meal will take all the grease
off and leave your face as soft and fair as velvet.

If, despite the oatmeal, your skin looks a little oily, dust a little corn
starch' over the face and wipe it carefully off with a handkerchief.

Don’t use powder unless you absolutely require it.

REMEDY FOR COLD FEET

People who are troubled with cold feet will find a simple and
effective remedy is to bathe them in cold water night and morning, and
apply friction to stimulate the circulation. A little red pepper dusted
into the stockings will do much to prevent this unpleasant infliction
in the winter. Exercise also relieves this complaint. They may be
caused by debility, and then internal remedies will be required. As a
I rule, woolen stockings should be worn by people thus troubled. The
wearing of these will, however, in some persons, cause a, perspiration
which results in clammy feet. A woolen stocking with a merino foot
is now sold designed to relieve such cases.

RESTORING FADED FLOWERS

Wilted flowers can be restored to freshness by taking the shears and
clipping off the stems and then setting them for a. few moments in hot
water (not warm water) for the sap to run up into the flowers, then
set them in a. refrigerator or cold cellar for an hour or two. They will
then look as fresh as ever and come to the dinner table as if new. It is
the extremes of heat and cold that revives them. They have been known
to keep several days longer.

CHAPTER XLIII.
THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND

“Nature is man’s best teacher. She unfolds
Her treasures to his search, anseals his eye,
Illumes his mind, and purifies his heart,
An influence breathes from all the sights and sounds
Of her existence; she is wisdom’s self.”
——STREET.

AN will ever thirst for knowledge~he will ever be anxious to

M pierce the veil that separates the present from the future—the

known from the unknown. History, both biblical and profane,

is full of incidents describing the yearning of the soul toward the mys-

teries of the unknown, and the desire is just as strong at the present
time as it ever was in the past.

WHAT THE HAND REVEALS -‘

To-day many profound students of nature’s phenomena are making a
close study of the hand, claiming that our successes, failures and qualifi-
cations are marked in our hand by our Creator and that. when we know
how to read them aright, the past and much of the future will be like an
open book. Whether this be true or not, there can, at least, be no harm in
looking into Palm'istry. If it helps one to. know himself and helps one
to understand others, it is then a. most delightful study and can be
made a pleasant pastime for social gatherings either at home or in
public.

The Bible mentions the human hand 1,433 times.

QUOTATIONS FROM THE BIBLE

Length of days are in her right hand; riches and honor in her left.—-‘
Prov. 3 :16.
Thine hand shall find out all thine enemies. Thy right hand shall find

out those that hate thee.—Psa. 21 :18.
395

396 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

     

 
    

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THE ANXIOUS CON FESSION

“A man should never be ashamed to own he has been in the wrong, which is but swim

in other words, that he is wiser to-day than he was yesterday." P
— OPE.

THE SCIENCE OF PALMISTRY. 399

He sealeth up the hand of every man that all men may know his work. -
——Job. 37 :7.

And it shall be for a sign unto thee upon thine. hand.—Exo. 13 :9.

What evil is in mine hand—Sam. 36 :18.

THE SCIENCE OF PALMISTRY

You will observe, as we proceed, that there is a close relation be-
tween the science of Astrology and the science of Palmistry, yet I have
not considered it in conjunction with Astrology, for it is quite complete
by itself.

Palmistry, which is a study of the hand, is divided into two sections,
the first dealing with the shape of the hand, and its hereditary influence;
the second, with the markings of the hand, and its relation to life.

Palmistry has been said by some to trace its mysteries to the stars and
their influence on the earth; by others, to be the result of the brain trans-
mitting its knowledge to the hand through the nerves. The latter is no
doubt the more plausible, for it has long been acknowledged that the hand
can express as much by gestures as the lips can by speech. Medical
science has demonstrated that there are more nerves in the hand than in
any other portion of the system. It has also proven that the nerves from
the brain to the hand are so active that the latter is the immediate
servant of the brain.

Occasionally we hear some say that there are many frauds indulged
in when reading the hand for money. That is doubtless too true, and
yet perhaps it is not strange in this ambitious world, for, without a
real knowledge of the science, an active and unscrupulous mind, led on
by a fertile imagination, has great Opportunity to trade upon the cred-
ulity of the people; but, are there not licensed doctors just as ignorant
and just as ready to impose upon the innocence of the public?

CAN THE HAND BE CHANGED?

It is quite true that the form of the hand, the thumb and the fingers, as
'well as the lines and signs marked in the palm cannot be modified by any
act of the possessor, so far as his physical exertion is concerned, no matter

400 . THE LANGUAGE OF THE HQND.

how much he may desire it, but education and discipline, as well as
anxiety and worry, frequently develop strong lines. in the hand, that were
once absent, and frequently, too, an occasional line fades and passes
away as the conditions change.

HOW TO READ THE HAND

The first that concerns us in the hand, is its shape; whether it be wide
or narrow, short or long, soft or hard, dry or moist and whether it be
curved backward or forward; the second that concerns us, is the shape of
the fingers, the texture and form of the nails, the thumb, the mounts, the
lines and dots in the palm and lastly the touch.

'W e should examine both hands when reading the characteristics, but
rely mostly on the right. There is a well-known old saying, “The left is ,
the hand we are born with ; the right is the hand we make.” It should
be remembered, too, that when considering the size of the hand, we should
compare it with the size of the body, and when reading the hand take into
consideration the age of the individual. As we age, our hands generally
grow less supple, harder and dryer.

PART I
THE HANDS—PALM, FINGERS AND THUMB.

Small hands are the hands of the people who write a large hand, are
broad in their views, slowly offended, and fond of the bustle of life.
Large hands are the hands of people bent on the little things of life;
generally such people write a small hand. Soft hands are the hands oi
people who have fertile imaginations and sensitive natures. Flabb},
hands are the hands of active brains and evil doers. Hard hands signify
a straightforward nature and a willingness to work hard. Very hard
hands denote indifference to pain in others.

THE PALM

'A thin and narrow palm denotes meanness, timidity and lack of
energy; a thin palm and soft hand over-confidence and selfishness; a

HOW TO READ THE HAND. 401

thick palm and hard hand denote nervousness and a worried nature. A
very hollow palm denotes a poor financier.

THE FINGERS

Short fingers denote impulsiveness. Long fingers denote love of detail.
Short square fingers on a square hand denote an obstinate and narrow-
minded nature; their possessors are great ploddcrs and fond of saving
money. Thick fingers, if short, indicate selfishness, especially if full at
the base; they show, also, that the possessor has a fondness for eating and'
drinking. Crooked and twisted fingers denote extreme cruelty and a
tendency to crime. Long bony fingers show an exacting nature, a love
of detail and one philosophically inclined. Smooth fingers indicate in
spirational powers (smoothness due to rapid circulation). Knotty fin-
gers on a square palm (the knottiness due to bile in the system), indi-
cate an independent thinker, one fond of construction, a mathematician,
a philosopher. Long, narrow, tapering fingers are the fingers of an
emotional and visionary nature. Mixed fingers on a square palm, be-
long to a person who at one time is scientific, at another, logical. Mixed
fingers on a mixed hand belong to a person who adapts himself to all con-
ditions, but is never thoroughly successful.

Smooth joints in fingers show impulsivene-ss in thought, a jumping at
conclusions and a carelessness in little: things. The opposite is true of
persons with developed joints. ‘

THE FIRST PHALANGE

The fingers are either pointed, conical, square, or spatulate. (See
Plate III.) If the first phalange in Jupiter (index finger) is longer than
the others of the same fingers, it denotes special ability of its possessor to
control; if the first phalange in Saturn (second finger) is longer, it de-
notes special aptitude for the sciences; if in Apollo (third finger) it indi-
cates love for art; if in Mercury (fourth finger) it. denotes eloquence.

THE SECOND PHALANGE.

If the second phalange in Jupiter is long and thick, it indicates
leadership; it short and thick, it indicates a wavering disposition. If

an: THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

the second phalange in Saturn is. long it indicates a mastery of difficult
problems. If the second phalange in Apollo is stout and long, it de-
notes art, beauty and culture. If the second phalange in Mercury is
long and especially if stout, it denotes physical power’and energy.

THE THIRD PHALANGE

The third phalange is in a measure governed by the characteristics of
the palm, being very closely allied to it. When the third phalange in
Jupiter is long and especially if it is stout it signifies love of power and
supremacy. When the third phalange of Saturn is long and fat, it
shows a great desire to know all things, not only for the knowledge it af-
fords, but for what it will bring. When the third phalange in Apollo is
long and heavy, it shows a taste for art and a desire to convert art into
money. When the third phalange in Mercury is long it shows a desire
to enjoy the comforts of life.

FINGER NAILS AND WHAT THEY DENOTE

A study of the nails is an important subject. and especially so when we
come to understand that the conditions attending their appearance mean
much to the possessor’s health. All physicians to-day admit that the heat
of the palm and the color of the nails, are elements that cannot be neg-
lected when making a diagnosis of a. patient’s illness.

I shall speak here only of that part of the nail which extends to the
finger tip; the growth above has nothing to do with the reading of the
hand. However, it is not out of place to say that finger nails which
are kept short by biting, show indication of a. nervous nature.

Long nails show a weak physical nature. Long, thin and curved
or fluted nails denote a consumptive tendency. Moderately long
nails with a bluish tint, indicate poo-r circulation. Long, thin and brittle
nails, show a tendency to throat trouble. Short broad nails, denote
perfect circulation. Short square nails indicate rugged constitution.
Short and triangular nails denote tendency to paralysis. The moons at
base of the nails also indicate the condition of the circulation. When
circulation is good the moons are large—as circulation fails they grow
less or disappear—indicating heart trouble.

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THE MOUNTS. 403

The perfect nail should be white, slightly pink, naturally polished,
transparent, but not brittle—such are the nails of those Whom it is a joy
to have about.

THE THUMB AN IMPORTANT FACTOR IN READING
CHARACTER

As the thumb holds a superior position with regard to the hand, so does
it hold an important position in reading character by Palmistry.

The owner of a small thumb is easily influenced, while the owner of
a large thumb is self-reliant and independent.

A flexible thumb denotes adaptability to conditions, a stiff thumb
indicates stubbornness.

A short thick-set thumb indicates coarseness and brutality. A
long well-shaped thumb denotes intellectuality and refinement.

The first phalange 0f the thumb represents will-power, and according
to its length, the characteristic is marked. The second phalange repre-
sents reasoning power and judgment, while‘the third phalange, called
“Mount of Venus,” belonging more properly to the palm, denotes love.

PART II
THE MOUNTS—THEIR POSITION AND MEANING

The “Mounts” are slight elevations on the palm; of these, there are
seven, as follows: .

1st. The Mount of Jupiter (situated below the index finger).

2nd. The Mount of Saturn (situated below the middle finger).

3rd. The Mount of Sun (situated below the ring finger).

4th. The Mount of Mercury (situated below the little. finger).

5th. The Mount of Venus (the third phalange of the thumb).

6th. The Mount 0f Luna (situated below the upper Mount of Mars).

7th. The Mount of Mars (of these there are two, one placed between
the “Mount of Mercury” and the “Mount. of Luna,” called the upper
“Mount of Mars”; and the other just beneath the “Mount of Jupiter,”
called the lower “Mount of Mars”).

 

404 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

 

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THE MOUNT OF JUPITER. 405

An absence of mounts upon the hand denotes that the life of the in-
dividual is a negative one; if the mounts are large and the corpuscles red,
they show an active body.

THE MOUNT OF JUPITER

The absence of the “Mount of Jupiter” denotes lack of self-esteem;
when well-developed—great pride and ambition. If it leans toward the
“Mount of Saturn,” instead of lying directly under the index finger, it
shows a religious inclination. The Mount of Jupiter is said to be the

man’s mount.
THE MOUNT OF SATURN

The absence of the “Mount of Saturn” denotes an insignificant life;
when normally developed, it shows a desire for somber things, a love of
solitude and a tendency toward the sacred things of life.

THE MOUNT OF SUN

When the “Mount of Sun” or Apollo, as it is sometimes called, is ab

sent, it denote-s indifierence to literary and artistic affairs; when well de-

. velope-d, it denotes enthusiasm, inventive genius, or an appreciation of the
beautiful. If it leans toward Saturn, life’s brightness is tarnished.

THE MOUNT OF MERCURY

When the “Mount of Mercury” is absent, it denotes absolute inapti-
tude for the sciences. When normal, commercial aptitude, taste for
travel and occult sciences, or brilliant oratory. If the mount leans
toward the Mount of Sun it shows artistic appreciation.

THE MOUNT OF VENUS

The. “Mount of Venus” covers the great palmar arch, the most im-
portant blood vessel in the hand. When the mount is well developed, it
indicates robust health; when small, it denotes poor health. This mount
signifies love, affection, sympathy and attraction for the opposite sex.
According to its development, so its characteristics marked. This mount
is said to be the woman’s mount.

406 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

THE MOUNT OF LUNA _

When the “Mount of Luna” is well developed, it. indicates a love for
romance; if absent, it denotes the possessor is cold and material in
thought.

THE» MOUNT OF MARS

The upper “Mount Of Mars” denotes resignation, quiet courage and
resistance, the low er Mount of Mars shows very active courage, great
.bravery and a combative disposition.

PART III
THE LINES OF THE HAND AND WHAT THEY INDICATE

The lines of the hand are very important in reading Palmistry. When
perfect, they are. clear and well marked, neither broad nor pale and free
from all breaks, islands and irregularities.

The more important are :
1st. The line of Life (see plate I).

2nd. The line of Head. “
3rd. The line of Heart. “
4th. The line of Health. “
5th. The line of Fate. “
6th. The line of Sun. “ .
7th. The ring of Venus. “

The less important lines :

1st. The line of Marriage.
2nd. The line of Intuition. “
3rd. The Three Bracelets. “
4th. The Via Lasciva. “
5th. The Line of Mars. “

THE LINE OF LIFE

Volumes could be written upon the Line of Life, but we have space only
to consider the most salient points. By referring to Plate I, it will be

 

 

REPROOF
“Too bad, darling. You hurt that little boy’s feelings.”

“It is better to keep children to their duty by (L sense of honor, and by kindness. than

by fear and punislwnent.”
—TERTULLIAN.

 

WHEN LOVE HAS GROWN COLD

Oh, how beautiful it is to love! Even thou that sneerest and laughest tn cold indtfl'e’rence or acorn if other: are near thee,
thou, too, must acknowledge its truth when thou art alone, and confess that a foouch world to prone to laugh in public at what
(at pMGte it revere; at one of the Mahut tmpulcu of owr nature; namely, love. '

 

THE LINE OF LIFE. 409

seen that it girdles the Mount of Venus. The longer.thex line, the‘longer
the life. Sometimes, however, it appears short when really it is sustained
and strengthened by the Line of the Head and by the Line of Mars.
The accompanying lines must always be taken into consideration when
reading the hand. ,

According to the color, breadth and depth of the line, so is. the length
of life indicated. If long, deep and regular without crosses, a peaceful
life is promised. If broken here and there, it denotes poor health. This
line, however, become-s again unbroken when the health becomes normal.
If the line is broken near the Mount of Jupiter, the indications are that
ill-health was caused in early youth; if near the Mount of Mars then the
indications are that the trouble took place or is to take place at. about
twenty years of age and it suggests that the struggle to maintain life was
or will be the cause; if near the Mount. of Venus, then about the middle of
life, and might it not indicate that the weakness will be due to some un-
fortunate lov-e affair?

If the Line of Life ceases abruptly, it indicates sudden death. If
the three lines, Line of Life, the Line of Head and the Line of Heart all
join, at the commencement, the sign is bad; it. denotes disaster. When
the Line of Life divides, it. indicates a change of living or locality. If well
up toward the “Mount of Mars” the change takes place in youth; if op-
posite Venus, then in middle life, and so on.

Generally speaking, all lines emerging from the Life Line, with one
exception, denote an increase in power; this exception, is when the line is
broken and turns toward the thumb, it then denotes fatality, provided all
other indications point the same way.

The more lines following the Life Line the happier are the condi-
tions. If a line ascends to the Mount of Jupiter, crossing the Line of the ,
Head, it foreshadows a life of prominence. Hair-lines. clinging to the Line
of Life, denote weakness.

Sterility is generally denoted when the Life Line lies close to the
thumb and when at the same time the Mount of Venus. is poorly developed.

An island on the Line of Life signifies trouble. If at the beginning, it
indicates some mystery of birth. Found opposite the Mount of Venus, it

410 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

denotes sorrow and the indications point to misplaced afiection as the
cause of the trouble.

THE LINE OF HEAD

The “Line of Head” relates principally to the intellectual side of man.
When this line rises from the center of the Mount of Jupiter, it points to
the individual as having boundless ambition, talent and purpose. If, in\
addition to the above, the Line of Head touches the Life Line, the pos-
sessor will have the added power of controlling others with great. diplo-
macy. If commencing in the Mount of Mars, it denotes a fretful, timid
and inconstant nature.

When the Line of Head runs evenly and uninterruptedly, it denotes
a. love for material affairs; when sloping at the middle, it denotes a blend-
ing of the practical and the imaginative ;- when sloping the entire length, a
natural inclination toward ideality—painting, music, literature and in-
vention; when very sloping, ending in a small fork, it denotes great liter-
ary talent. rIf,.on the contrary, the “Head Line” curves upward, it de
notes a very keen instinct for money-making and money-saving propen-
sities. '

When the Line of Head is short, it denotes early death; when linked
like a chain, it denotes indecision; when broken, it denotes death by acci-
dent or by disease of the head

THE LINE OF HEART

The “Line of Heart,” which runs across the upper part of the hand
and along the base of the Mount of Jupiter, Saturn, Sun and Mercury,
is an important factor in the study of the hand.

The “Line of Heart” may rise in three difierent places. The most de-
sirable is from the center of the Mount of Jupiter. When rising here,
the noblest type of affection is indicated. ‘The possessor’s love is firm
and strong, and he desires that the person whom he loves shall be noble,
virtuous and gifted. If the line rises higher still, toward the base of the
finger, the lover will love like an enthusiast and can see no faults in the
person of his choice.

a ‘ "Var—“1?;

THE LINE OF HEALTH. 411
The second best place for the Line of Heart to rise, is between the
index and second fingers. When it. rises here, the individual is selfish
in his love. “then it rises well up on the “Mount of Saturn,” then
the love will be passionate and selfish. then chained and broad, it de-
notes indifference to the opposite sex.
The least desirable is when the “Line of Heart” lies directly across the
hand; this denotes jealousy.
Inconstancy and flirtatious are probable in all cases when the “Line
of Heart” is fringed by little liner; rising from it. Broken lines indicate
disappointment in affection.

THE LINE OF HEALTH

The point where the “Line of Health” rises, has never been definitely
fixed, but the best authorities give it as rising either on the face or at the
base of the Mount of Mercury. From here it runs down toward the Line
of Life, and when it meets that line death is the result. This is true even
though the Line of Life may appear good from natural tendencies. When
the “Line of Health” is absent, it denotes a good constitution.

THE LINE OF FATE

The “Line of Fate” (sometimes called the Line of Saturn or the Line.
of Luck) when perfect, commences close to the wrist and ascends in a
vertical line to the base of the Mount of Saturn or even higher up on the
mount.

If the line in both hands is unbroken, well defined and of good color,
untold blessing and happiness are denoted. If absent in one hand and
perfect in the other, prosperity will come, but only by effort and hard
work. I

If a series of crosses are shown on the “Line of Fate” near the wrist a
miserable childhood is denoted. If chained when crossing the Line of
Heart a love trouble is foretold; if the line penetrates the third phalange
of Saturn an extraordinary destiny is foreshadowed. If it runs through
a square the possessor’s life will be saved from danger. This is true in
the case of youth, middle or old age, according to the distance on the line

412 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

'at which it occurs; if near the wrist, then he will be saved early in life;
if at the center, then at middle life and if near the Mount of Saturn, then
late in life. A

If the Line of Fate be absent in early life, but starts later on in the
Plain of Mars, it denotes a hard and troubled life, but if it continues un-

' brokenly, happiness and success will be the possessor’s fortune—due to
the surmounting of obstacles.

If the Line of Fate joins the Line of Heart, and they become one and
run upon the Mount of Jupiter, the individual will rise to influence and
power. '

, If the Fate Line is stopped and replaced by a cross, no matter Where it
occurs—whether at a quarter of its natural length or otherwise, it denotes

sudden death.
THE LINE OF SUN

The “Line of Sun” frequently called the “Line of Apollo” generally
denotes success, although it must be considered with other features.
It may rise from the Line of Life, the Line of Head, thetLine of Heart,
the Mount of Luna, or the Mount of Mars. If it rises from the Line of
' \Life and all other features are normal, it denotes worship of the beautiful;
if from the Line of Head it denotes success in literature; if from the Line
of Heart, it denotes influence in the world; if from the Mount of Luna it
denotes distinction through the help of others; if from the Mount of Mars
it denotes success after repeated trials. Its chief individuality, when
deeply marked, is its tendency to- sensitiveness.

THE RING OF VENUS

The Ring of Venus is a semi-circle rising between the index and second
finger, and ending between the third and little finger. This circle denotes
a highly strung and sensitive nature. When unbroken, it tends to make
all miserable who are associated with the possessor.

THE LINE OF MARRIAGE

The Line of Marriage is a line of considerable importance when we

consider the results. The lines of marriage generally rise on the side of I

the hand; sometimes, however, they are only marked across the face of

THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN: 2113

the Mount of Mercury. When the line lies close to the Line of Heart the
marriage will be in early life, at about eighteen years of age; when near
the center of the Mount of Mercury, at about twenty-five years of age;
three-fourths up the Mount of Mercury at about thirty-eight years of age;
if still higher up marriage will occur still later in life.

If the line curves upward, the individual is pretty sure to remain
single. If the line curves downward, the'companion to whom one is mar-
ried will die first. If the drooping line is crossed by small line or lines,
sudden death is indicated. When the line ends with a fork, sloping to~
wards the center of the palm, it denotes divorce. If the line has one or
more islands it denotes unhappiness; if full of islands and drooping lines
it is best not to marry. If two lines are marked two marriages are indi~
cated ; if three lines are registered, three marriages are indicated.

THE NUMBER OF CHILDREN

The upright lines at the end of the line of marriage denote the number
of children. Narrow lines denote girls, broad lines denote boys. If
clear and distinct, the children will be healthy; if faint, delicate.

THE LINE OF INTUITION

The “Line of Intuition” is almost a semi-circlt; extending from the
Mount of Luna to the Mount of Mercury. If cl lrly defined it denotes
sensitiveness to every influence. The possesso of this line is a person of
presentiments, and dreams are every-day occurrences This line is es-
pecially found in the psychic hand.

THE THREE BRACELETS

Not much importance is attached to the bracelets or lines at the wrist,
yet some claim that they indicate the number of years one is to live. If
but one line, and that near the wrist, it is called the thirty year line, and
denotes death at thirty; two lines denote death at sixty years; three lines
at eighty-five or ninety years.

Whether these lines indicate length of life or not, there is one import-
ant feature connected with the three bracelets and it deserves attention.
This is the line nearest the hand; if arched and high up, it denotes pelvic

414 THE LANGUAGE OF THE HAND.

troubles, and the warning given should receive special attention at the
child-bearing period.
THE VIA LASCIVA

The Via Lasciva is one of the unimportant linesr-not generally found.
It is a sister health line and adds force to the passions, when it runs off
the palm at the wrist. If run into the Mount of Venus it denotes a short-
ening of life by indulgences.

THE LINE OF MARS

The Line of Mars is known as the inner life line. It rises on the
Mount of Mars and runs down along the side of the Life Line, but separate
from it. When well-developed, especially on broad hands, it indicates a
robust health and a fighting tendency—a good sign on the hand of a mili-
tary man. Even on small hands where‘the Life Line is delicate, this line,
if deep, denotes strength, and one may be sure it will carry a delicate con-
stitution over many breakers

PART IV
SIGNS AND WHAT THEY SIGNIFY

The star (see Plate II) found on the hand denotes either good fortune
or danger, according to the place it is located.

When found on the highest point of the Mount of Jupiter it is a sign
of honor and gratified ambition; when found very low on the base of the
Mount of Jupiter, or on the side toward the back of the hand, the same
promise as above holds good, with the added advantage of association with
distinguished people.

The “star” on the Mount of Saturn denotes distinction in the pos-
sessor, but a dramatic end. The star on the Mount of the Sun denotes
riches, but not happiness. The star on the Mount of Mercury denotes
great brilliancy as an orator and success along all scientific lines. The
star on the upper Mount of Mars denotes unrivaled honors, but patience
must stand at the helm. The star on the lower Mount of Mars denotes
unusual distinction as a soldier. The star 0n the Mount of Luna is gen-

erally considered unfortunate; more frequently fatal than good. The

THE C R033. 415

star on the Mount of Venus denotes the attainment of one’s object in
iove. The star on any of the fingers denotes unusual good luck.

THE CROSS

The “cross,” as its name signifies, generally means trouble and suffer-
ing. Palmists see only one exception to this rule in reading the hand.
They claim that when the cross is on the Mount of Jupiter it shows that
one great love will come into the individual’s life.

On the Mount of Saturn a cross is a danger sign. On the Mount of
the Sun it signifies disappointment in art or wealth. On the Mount of
Mercury it indicates dishonesty; on the Mount of Venus it denotes fatal-
ity in love; on the Line of the Heart the death of a dear friend.

THE CIRCLE AND SQUARE

The sign of the “circle” is indicative of its possessor’s character. If
one gets into trouble he goes round and round never getting out. It is an
unfortunate sign in all cases, except on the Mount of the Sun.

The “square,” contrary to the circle, shows a probability of overcoming
misfortune—a sign of preservation. If on the Line of Health, it is a sign
that the health will be preserved—the same is true on all lines or mounts.

THE ISLAND AND TRIANGLE

The “Island” is a bad sign, but not necessarily fatal. It indicates in-
terference with the characteristic designated by the line on which it is
found. If on the Life Line one’s life is threatened, the island disap-
pearing when the danger is removed. Sometimes it is permanent, then it
denotes continued trouble. When it grows faint it shows that the trouble
is passing and will disappear.

All “triangles” are good signs wherever found. The tripod is a most
excellent sign, success being the main indication.

THE RING OF SOLOMON

The “Ring of Solomon,” more properly known as a sign, indicates
spiritual power, love of visions‘and deep mystic power.

416 'THE LANE'UAGE 0F; THE‘HZXYD;

Plate We

 

      

1 ' '
HEART AFF cnon PARALY’SIS. GOOD cmcumnou.

The above guide of How to Read the Hand, though brief, I have en-
deavored to make thoroughly reliable, and only ask that all who make
it a study will take no one feature, line or mark as wholly significant,
but consider the hand in its entirety.

The information gathered here has been deduced from experience,
the knowledge having been brought fro-m the four corners of the earth,
and I trust that all who study palmistry, whether for research or amuse-
ment, will do it earnestly and conscientiously. As no two trees made by
nature are alike, so are no two hands alike. The study is arduous but
fascinating in the extreme. For either a private party or a. public gath-
ering, can you conceive of a pleasanter way of entertaining? Zest can be
added to the occasion by a few persons “masking” themselves and re«
questing that their hands be read aloud.

n _ ;.>u»»';.hun£M

 

 

 

 

 

'I‘HE RECIPIENTS 0F CLASS HONORS—GRADUATION DAY

“Honors achieved far exceed those that are created.”

 

—Sonon.

A CHRIST-LIKE VISITOR

“But when thou docst alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand (loath, “
—MA v1: IL

 

BIRTHDAY STONES AND THEIR INFLUENCE

’ “Alas! this day

First gave me birth, and (which is strange to tell)

The fates e’er since, as watching its return,

Have caught it as it flew, and mark’d it deep

With some thing great; extremes of good or ill.”

—YOUNG
An old legend tells us that one wearing the jewel of the month in
which he was born will be protected against misfortune, the jewel acting
as a talisman.
JANUARY

By those who in this month are born
No gem save Garnets should be worn;
They will insure you constancy,

True friendship and fidelity.

GARNET
V»?—,

    

FEBRUARY

mums, v The February born will find

Sincerity and peace of mind—
Freedom from passion and from care,
If they the Amethyst will wear.

 
   

“4%:7

MARCH
Who on this world of ours their eyes BLOODSTONE
In March first open shall be wise, /,/\‘ ,
In days of peril firm and brave, (1‘1”)
And wear a bloodstone to their grave. '
’ APRIL
mmono Those who in April date their years,

Diamonds should wear, lest bitter tears
For vain repentance flow. This stone
Emblem of innocence is known.

MAY

Who first beholds the light of day EMERALD
In Spring’s sweet flowery month of May, I' '
And wears an Emerald all her life,
Shall be a loved and happy wife.

419

 

 

420 BIRTHDAY STONES.

 

JUNE

Who comes with Summer to this earth
And owes to June her day of birth,
With ring of Agate on her hand,

Can health, wealth and peace command.

JULY

The glowing Ruby should adorn
Those who in warm July are born;
Thus will they be exempt and free
From love’s doubts and anxiety.

 

 

AUGUST

MOONSTONE Wear a moonstone or for thee

/ \\ No conjugal felicity;
V69; , The August born without this stone
' ’Tis said must live unloved alone.
SEPTEMBER
A maiden born when Autumn’s leaves
Are rustling in September’s breeze,

A Sapphire on her brow should bind,
’Twill cure diseases of the mind.

SAPPHIRE

I

    

OCTOBER

October’s child is born for woe,
And life’s vicissitudes must know;
But lay an Opal on her breast,

And hope will lull the woes to rest.

NOVEMBER
Who first comes to this world below
'With dull November’s fog and snow,
Should prize the Topaz amber hue,
Emblem of friends and lovers true.

 

 

DECEMBER

TURGUOISE If cold December gave you birth,

’ The month of snow and ice and mirth,
Place on your hand a Turquoise blue—-
Success will bless you if you do.

 

THE HOROSCOPE IN VERSE

“ Willi equal pace, impartial fate,
Knocks at the palace and the cottage gate.”
—-—HORACE

JANUARY

Gentle and sweet, blithe and merry,
The child who is born in January. '

FEBRUARY

True of heart tho’ a trifle contrary,
The child who comes in February.

MARCH

Brave as a lion, droll and arch,
The boy or girl who is born in ‘March.

APRIL

Fragile and sweet as the bright spring flowers,
The child who comes during April showers.

MAY

Dainty, smiling and fresh alway,
Is the dear little bud which blooms in May.

JUNE

Sweet of face and with soul atune,
The dimpled darling who comes in June.

JULY

A loving nature, fair and shy,
Is the babe who is born in hot July.

AUGUST

4 Sure of success in each good work begun,

Is the child first kissed by the August sun.
421

 

THE HOROSCOPE [N VERSE.

SEPTEMBER

A heart full of love, a. face to remember,
Has the boy or girl who is born in September.

OCTOBER

A studious bairn, wi’ a face that is sober,
Is the wise little one who arrives in October.

NOVEMBER

In spite of skies that are chilly and gray,
November’s child is merry and gay.

DECEMBER

Full of grace and blessed above all,
The child whose birth in December doth fall.

——From “Baby’s Birthday Jewel.”
Courtesy Thos. Leeming Co.

DAME FORTUNE PEEPING THROUGH THE MOON.

 

THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS

“Gather a wreath from the garden-60mm,
And tell the wish of thy heart in flowers.”

Flowers. Sentiments.
Almond ...................... Hope
Alyssum, Sweet ............... Worth beyond beauty
Anemone ..................... Expectation
Apple-Blossom ................ Preference
Batchelor’s Button ............ Hope in love
Balsam ....................... Impatience
Bell Flower ................... Gratitude
Bramble...........; .......... Envy
Buttercup .................... Riches
Calla Lily .................... Feminine beauty
Carnation, Yellow ............. Disdain
Cedar ......................... I live for thee
Chrysanthemum, Yellow ....... Slighted love
Clover, Red ................... Industry
Columbine .................... Folly
Cowslip ...................... Pensiveness
Daffodil ...................... Chivalry
Dahlia ....................... Forever thine
Daisy, White .................. Innocence
Dandelion .................... Coquetry
Evergreen .................... Poverty
Forget-me-not ................. True love
Geranium, Silver Leaf ......... Recall
Heliotrope .................... I love you; devotion
Horse-Chestnut ................ Luxury
Honeysuckle .................. Bond of love
Hyacinth, Blue ................ Constancy
Ivy .......................... Friendship; matrimony
Lady’s Slipper ................ Capricious beauty
Larkspur ...................... Fickleness
Laurel ....................... Glory
Lilac ......................... First emotion of love

423

424 THE LANGUAGE OF FLOWERS.

Flowers. Sentiments.
Lily ............ . ..... . ....... Purity; modesty
Magnolia ..................... Peerless and proud
Marigold ..................... Jealousy
Mignonette.‘ .................. Your qualities surpass your charms
Mint ......................... Virtue
Mistletoe ..................... I surmount all difficulties
Narcissus ..................... E‘gotism
Night-blooming Cereus , ......... Transient beauty
Oleander ..................... Beware
Olive Branch .................. Peace
Orange ....................... Generosity
Orange Flower ................. Chastity
Orchid ....................... Beauty
Pea, Sweet ........ 7 ............ Departure
Peach Blossom ................ This heart is thine
Peony ........................ Anger
Pink, White .................. You are fair
Poppy ........................ Consolation of sleep
Rose, Moss .................... Superior merit
Rose, Bridal .................. Happy love
Snowball ..................... Thoughts of heaven
Star of Bethlehem ............. Reconciliation
Sunflower .............. ‘ ...... Pride
Sweet William ................ Finesse
Thorn Apple ................. Deceitful charms
Tulip ......................... Declaration of love
Verbena ...................... Sensibility
Violet ........................ Love

Weeping Willow .............. Forsaken

 

 

..

POPULAR NAMES OF STATES

(For the information of those persons who are sometimes puzzled
regarding the popular references made to some of the States of the United
States, I give them herewith:)

ALABAMA is popularly known as the Land of Flowers.

ARKANSAS is known as the Bear State—named so, because of the
large number of bears which used to infest its forests.

CALIFORNIA is called the Golden State, because of the great p-r0~‘
duction of gold in early times.

COLORADO is popularly known as the Centennial State.

CONNECTICUT is the Freestone State. Sometimes, also, it is called
the Nutmeg State, being noted for the native shrewdness of its peo-
ple; also humorously charged with selling wooden nutmegs.

DELAWARE is popularly known as the Diamond State, because of its
small size and great worth or supposed importance.

FLORIDA is known as the Peninsular or Gulf State, so called on account
of its shape.

GEORGIA is called the Empire State of the South.

ILLINOIS is popularly known as the Prairie State, in allusion to the
widespread and beautiful prairies which form a striking feature of
the State. '.

INDIANA is known as the Hoosier State because its people are called
hoosiers, from the word “husher,” a bully.

IOWA is popularly known as the Hawkeye State, being named after an
Indian chief, once a terror to travelers.

KANSAS is called the Sunflower State.

KENTUCKY is popularly known as the Corn Cracker State.

LOUISIANA is styled the Creole State, due to the fact that its original
inhabitants were chiefly French and Spanish settlers.

MAINE is popularly known as the Pine Tree State. Its central and
northern portions are covered with extensive pine forests. It is
also sometimes called the Lumber State.

MARYLAND is popularly known as the 01d Line State.
435

426 POPULAR NAMES OF STATES.

MASSACHUSETTS is known as the Bay State. A name given it pre‘
vious to the Federal Constitution, was the colony of Massachusetts
Bay.

MICHIGAN is popularly known as the Wolverine State because it for-
merly abounded in wolverines. It is also sometimes called the Lake
State.

MINNESOTA is popularly known as the Gopher or North Star State.

MISSISSIPPI is popularly known as the Bayou State, because it
abounds in bayous or creeks.

NEBRASKA is known as the Black Water State.

NEW JERSEY is everywhere known as the Garden State.

NEW YORK is called the Empire State, being the most populous and
wealthy State in the Union. It is also called Excelsior State from
the motto on its.coa.t of arms. '

NORTH CAROLINA is popularly known as the Cracker, Old North or
Turpentine State.

NEW HAMPSHIRE is popularly known as the Granite State, because
its mountains are largely composed of granite.

OHIO is called the Buckeye State, because of the buckeye tree which
abounds there.

OREGON is popularly known as the Web-foot. Country.

PENNSYLVANIA is called the Keystone State. It was the central
State of the Union at the time of the formation of the Constitution.
If the names of the thirteen original States be arranged in the form
of an arch, Pennsylvania will occupy the place of the keystone.

RHODE ISLAND is popularly known as Little Rhody, being the smallest
of all the States.

SOUTH CAROLINA is popularly known as the Palmetto State, so called
from the arms of the State, which contain a. palmetto.

. TENNESSEE is popularly known as the Volunteer State.

TEXAS is called the Lone Star State, from the device on its coat of arms.
VERMONT is known as the Green Mountain State.

VIRGINIA is popularly styled Old Dominion.

WEST VIRGINIA is known as the Switzerland of America.

WISCONSIN is popularly known as the Badger State on account of the
badgers which formerly abounded there.

 

 

 

LAWN PARTY
“To be pleased. one must please What pleases you in others will, in general, please them m you."

 

 

 

FRIENDSHIP

When two friends part they should lock up one (mother’s sewers, and. interchange their keys.
—FELTHAM.

A FAREWELL

The preceding pages, dear friends, have been written with much
solicitude, knowing that the suggestions given must fall on all kinds of
soil, but I shall ever hope that some will fall on good ground, take root
and bring forth in abundance. In closing, there are really no better
thoughts that I can leave you with, than the two poems entitled “Soli-
tude” and “Gradatim.” The first, written by Ella Wheeler Wilcox, is
as true to-day as ever, while the last, written by one who has climbed
the ladder which leads “to a purer air and a broader view,” will never
grow old. May you all find help and instruction in these pages.

SOLITUDE

Laugh, and the world laughs with you;
Weep, and you weep alone.

For the sad 01d earth must borrow its mirth,
But has trouble enough of its own.

Sing, and the hills will answer;
Sigh, it is lost on the air.

The echoes bound to a joyful sound,
But shrink from voicing care.

Rejoice, and men will seek you;
Grieve, and they turn and go.

They want full measure of all your pleasure,
But they do not need your woe.

Be glad, and your friends are many;
Be sad, and you lose them all;

There are none to. decline your nectared wine,
But alone you must. drink life’s gall.

Feast, and your halls are crowded;
Fast, and the world goes by.

Succeed and give, and it helps you live,
But. no man can help you die.

There is room in the halls of pleasure
For a large and lordly train,

But one by one we must all file on’
Through the narrow aisles of pain.

429

430

A FAREWELL.

GRADATIM

BY J. G. HOLLAND

Heaven is not reached at a single bound;
But we build the ladder by which we rise
From the lowly earth to the vaulted skies,
And we mount to its summit, round by round.

I count this thing to be grandly true:
That a noble deed is a. step toward God,—
Lifting the soul from the common sod
To a purer air and a broader view.

We rise by the things that are under feet;
By what we have mastered of good and gain;
By the pride deposed, and the passion slain,
And the vanquished illsthat we hourly meet.

We hope, we aspire, we resolve, we trust,
\Vhen the morning calls us to life and light,
But our hearts grow weary, and, ere the night,
Our lives are trailing in sordid dust.

“7e hope, we resolve, we aspire, we pray,
And we think that we mount the air on wings
Beyond the recall of sensual things,

While our feet still cling to the heavy clay.

Wings for the angels, but feet for the men!
We may borrow the wings to find the way-
We may hope and resolve, and aspire and pray;
But our feet. must. rise, or we fall again.

Only in dreams is a ladder thrown
From the weary earth to the sapphire walls;
But the dreams depart and the vision falls,
And the sleeper wakes on his pillow of stone.

Heaven is not reached at a single bound;
But we build the ladder by which we rise
From the lowly earth to the vaulted skies,
And we mount to its summit round by round.

 

 

 

 

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