MAUD MULLER A Burlesque Entertainment in three acts BY ; W ' • ■; >. y ' Effie W\ Merriman, Author of “Socials”, “A Pair of Artists”, etc. CHICAGO: THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY.MAUD MUELFR CAST. John MuudER, Maud’s half-grown brother. Mr. MuedER, Maud’s Father. The Judge. Maud MuedER, who raked the hay. Mrs. MuedER, Fat old lady. Plays one hour and a half. Copyright A. D. 1891 by Charles H. Sergei & Co. NOTES ON PRODUCTION. This is a most delightful entertainment for a school exhibition, college clubs and for literary societies wanting to entertain friends for an evening, or in need of money for running expenses. It is so easily arranged that amateurs need not be afraid to under- take it, especially as the directions are very complete. It is something in the nature of a musical drama. The chorus should consist of a number of singers, but if the society is small, a quartette with a piano or organ accompaniment will do nicely. The piano should stand just in front of the stage. If the stage is small the chorus may be grouped in front of it in such a way as not to hide the actors rrom any part of the audience. In the communities for which this entertainment is especially designed, this will be the most convenient arrangement. In larger communities, there will be persons who can direct the movements of the chorus more after the manner of the chorus in an opera, if that is thought desirable. Considerable practice will be necessary to make the singing parts go off easily, especially where the tune is carried out in conversational style, as in the first lines. For instance, when Mrs. Muller sings, “Be. t’ A AA ,A '-> Jv\ I1] MAUD MULDER careful,” etc., the chorus stops, she continuing where they left off. When they sing, “John answers,” they continue where she left off, etc. It will be readily seen that unless each sings his part unhesitatingly, so that the tune goes on without interruption, the effect will not be good. Different tunes from those suggested may be used by the chorus if thought best. If there are not enough lines or words to finish the tune, repeat as many as necessary. Care should be taken to sing with expression and to pronounce the words distinctly. This entertainment requires only a short time in the rendering of it, and at its conclusion the time may be spent in social conversation or games. It might be a good idea to have some one read Whittier’s “Maud Muller,” before giving the burlesque. This burlesque may be varied without trouble. In places where the actors have had musical training the words can be set to quite difficult music, but when carefully rehearsed as given here, it cannot fail to be amusing. MAUD MULLER ACT FIRST SCENE FIRST. [Curtain rises disclosing Mrs. Muller, a fat old lady, patching a pair of overalls. John, a half-grown boy walks around impatiently, and soon Mrs. Muller hands the overalls to him, well covered with conspicuous patches. As John puts them on the chorus begins to sing.] Chorus. [Tune, Bonnie Doon.] John Muller puts on his pants of tweed, Which his tired mother has just re-kneed, And sprinkled with patches in other places, Where her well worn slipper has left its traces And she says to her boy as he puts them on,66 SOCIALS Mrs. M. Be careful of them there breeches Tohn! Cho. John answers— John. You bet. [Turns a handspring and hurries from the stage.] Cho. —then hurries away To the meadow where Maud is raking hay, Taking the path which leads through the wood. For this little boy is not very good. And he takes more pleasure than tongue can tell, In thinking of ways to make Maud yell. He stops ere the last oak tree is passed, Saying— John. [Grinning with delight.] —by jing, but I've ketched 'em at last! If I'm not mistaken there comes the Judge, And I have not forgotten that I owe Maud a grudge For telling on me one day when I Sprinkled red pepper into her pie. [John disappears. While the chorus and he are singing the above, Mrs. Muller is putting the room to rights, very energetically, and somewhat impatiently. When they finish, she begins to sing while continuing her work.]SOCIALS 67 Mrs. M. [Tune, chorus to “Annie Rooney.”] Fm so weary! life is to me One long round of drudgery, From four in the morning till late in the night, I with disorder must fight, fight, fight. There’s Maud and Johnnie, I never did see Two such children as those children be ! Always tearing garments; always wanting food; Always into mischief; they won’t be good. Then, there’s Muller ! Oh, dear me! I do wish sometimes that I was free ! Marriage is a failure ; deny it who can, With two unruly children, and one lazy man. [Muller enters in time to hear the last verse. He listens in angry astonishment, and when it is finished comes toward his wife, with fist doubled up.] Muller. [In a rage.] See here, old woman; what is this you’re saying ? Tell me if you dare, and keep silent if you dare ! I defy you to do either ! Do you hear me ? I defy you ! I will not be maligned in my own house. I will not, I say ! If you can’t show me proper respect, you can leave at once. You can go out alone into the cold, heartless world, and wrestle for your own bread and butter. You can. [Finish- ishes with an inarticulate, sputtering noise, ac-68 SOCIALS companied with furious stamping of feet and shaking fists.] Mrs. L. [Coolly pushes a chair to the middle of the stage, and stands with one hand on the back of it, while with the fore-finger of the other hand she motions Muller to be seated.] Come here, Muller, and sit down until you can get cooled off a little. Come here, I say ! I shall not repeat it. [Muller obeys very unwillingly! and as he starts to sit, Mrs. M. puts both hands on his shoulders and gives him vigorous assist! ance, and then stands before him, shaking oriu finger unpleasantly .close to his nose while sh* talks to him in a cool, sarcastic voice, which hf seems afraid to resent.] It would be a sad day for you, Muller, if I should go away to earn my own bread and butter ; land knows where you’d get yours. Have you mended that gate as I told you to ? Mul. N-n-o ! I—I was just going to. Mrs. M. Just going to ! You said the same thing two weeks ago, and you’lj repeat it two weeks from to-day, and the gate will hang by one hinge for two months unless I fix it myself. Why aren’t you in the meadow ? Mul. [Whiningly.] Maud said she didn’t want me. She said she’d rather rake the hay alone than to have me around. Maud gets sau- cier every day.SOCIALS 69 Mrs. M. And you came to the house when she said that ? Didn’t you know any better than that, you old idiot! Couldn’t you see that she wanted you to come to the house so that she could be alone with young Jones ? Mul. Young Jones said he was going to the village to-day. Mrs. M. Going to the village ! I presume he told you so. He knows you’ll swallow any- thing ! Why didn’t you stop to think that he had a sick horse and couldn’t go ? He was prob- ably hiding behind some tree until Maud could get you out of the way. Mul. I don’t believe Maud cares for Jones since the Judge has been coming this way so often. Mrs. M. Oh, the Judge ! You don’t know a girl. It would be exactly like her to marry Jones just because she knows myheait is set on her marrying the Judge. Now you go back to the meadow just as fast as you know how, and don’t you leave Maud until she comes to dinner. Mul. Oh, dear ! It’s too hot to work. Mrs. M. Go, as I tell you! [Pushes him toward the door, and the curtain falls.]70 SOCIALS ACT SECOND* * SCENE FIRST. [The curtain rises disclosing Maud Muller in the meadow, and John watching her from behind a tree. Maud shades her eyes with one hand while pretending to look off at a dis- tance, and then, as if she caught sight of some one, she immediately begins to make herself presentable, as suggested tn the song of the chorus, always doing just as they say she does. The chorus sings this to the tune of the first lines of ’’Old Dan Tucker,” dividing the last word of each couplet to make it fit the measure. As for instance, pronouncing brown—‘’brow-own.” Such little touches do much toward making the entertainment more ridiculous.] Chorus. He watched his sister stooping down To pull a thorn from her foot so brown; Witnessed her hasty search fora pin, With which to fasten her dress sleeve in; Saw her tie her apron in eager haste To hide where her dress is torn from the waist; Noticed how brown were her arms so bare, As she raised them to smooth her tangled hair. John knows, by the way she acts, just when She thinks herself fit to be seen of men. [Here, Maud must show by her actions that she is very well pleased with her appearance,SOCIALS 7* then she begins to sing in a very affected man- ner.] Maud. [Tune, “Suanee River.”] Pm really quite a pretty girlie, That’s what they say. ” Eyes bright as stars and teeth so pearly, Lovely as a bright June day. If ever from the old plantation, I chance to roam. I’m pestered with the invitation, “Please may I see you home?” Chorus. All the laddies, when they see me, Think they’d happy be, If all along life’s thorny pathway, They might walk with me. SECOND VERSE. It surely seems to be my duty Lonely to roam, Until my matchless grace and beauty Bring me a wealthy home. Then I can say good bye to sorrow, I’ll be care-free, No trouble shall I need to borrow; Happy, happy I shall be. Chorus. But the laddies, when they see me, Will unhappy be, That, adown life’s thorny pathway, They can’t walk with me.72 SOCIALS [When Maud finishes her song, she steps back, and shading her eyes with one hand, looks to see if the Judge is near, while the chorus sings. The following lines would better be sung to the tune of “Bonnie Doon,” as it is well adapted to sing- ing conversational lines. Chorus. The small boy whispered— John and Chorus. [In a whisper.] —oh, my eye ! Chorus. As he sees the Judge riding slowly by, On his proud stepping horse, which John well knew Had been cured of spring-halt but a month or two; Dressed fit to kill, in his Sunday best— John couldn't be fooled when he saw that vest— And his good eye looking far away. As if he'd not seen Maud raking hay. [While chorus sings, the Judge rides in. His horse is represented by two men covered with a fur robe. The first stands bent forward with his hands resting on his knees. The second puts his arms around the first, and rests his head upon him. The legs of the first man form the fore legs of the horse, and those of the second, the hind legs, A horse-head of pasteboard, and a long tail are fastened in place, and the “horse"SOCIALS 73 is ready. The Judge should be a light weight man, dressed to appear very corpulent.] John. [From behind a tree sings excitedly.] It may be—oh, dear me ! the Judge may pass, For the eye towards Maud h’aint nothing but glass. Oh, no, he won’t either ! My, what fun ! His glass eye is better than t’other one, And now, lady Maud, you may sigh and grin, While I sit by this tree and take it all in. Who knows but this child will have some- thing to tell, Which will make you waltz ’round pa for a spell. [Just as John finishes, the chorus begins, and the Judge stops his horse near Maud, and the two act as indicated in the lines.] Chorus. [Tune, “Dan Tucker.”] The small boy throws his arm ’round the tree, And hugs it close in his fiendish glee, For he sees the Judge raise his hat and nod, As he stops his horse right in front of Maud. Sees Maud give a start—as any girl can, Who likes to pretend that a certain man She has not seen till she hears him speak, When she grows so frightened it makes her weak. Maud does it well; and the Judge so wise In matters which do not require two eyes, Is well taken in. y* OF ILL LJR74 SOCIALS Judge. [Sings in an aside.] —By jimminy ! There was never a maiden so fair as she, So artless and innocent, good and so mild. Old mother Nature’s most promising child. It’s time I was thirsty. Guess I’ll see If I can get her to talk to me. Fair maid, John. [Mimicking him.] “Fair maid,” He said in a voice so sweet, It would turn into jell a pickled beet. Judge. I’m parched with thirst, now don’t you think You could manage to get me something to drink? Chorus. [Tune: That which fits the song “Vacation,’’beginning, “Vacationhas come with its pleasures again.”] Something to drink! Ere the last words fell, Maud started hastily towards the well, Which is fed by a spring, not forgetting the cup, With which to dip the cool water up, See! As she goes she tries in vain To walk so her feet will not show so plain, And she thinks with a pang of the keenest sorrow, Of her mother’s shoes, which she could not borrow. She returns with the water. Now list to the Judge.SOCIALS 75 Judge. [Plaintively.] This hand from the saddle I cannot budge, I’ve hurt it severely, don’t you see? Now won’t you please hold the cup for me? [Maud holds the cup while the Judge drinks.] Chorus. [Chants in a monotone, speaking very distinctly. Maud and the Judge act as indi- cated in the lines.] There at Maud’s feet in the new mown hay, A hornet is slowly finding its way From under the grasses, which hold him fast, And prevent him from flying. He’s free at last! He spies Maud’s brown foot minus a shoe, And he acts as hornets usually do. Maud yells, and the Judge can easily see That there’s only one foot where two should be. The other she*s drawn quite up to her waist In eager, most frantic, undignified haste. It upsets her equilibrium, Which means the steadiness of her thumb, The cup is o’er turned, and the Judge’s nose Receives one of those unexpected blows, Which, early or late, must come to us all To convince us that stars do quite frequently fall. Maud had yelled. But the Judge—Oh how shall we tell it; The word that he said? We won’t even spell it.76 SOCIALS [Excitedly.] But the horse knows it well; he has heard it before, And it usually means he must idle no more. Half of the Chorus. [Quickly.] So he starts off at once without making a sound. Other half of the Choru.s. [Solemnly.] And the Judge stays behind to examine the ground. [When the chorus begins the last couplet, the horse jumps forward, throwing the Judge to the ground, where he remains for a moment as if stunned; the horse disappears; Maud pours water upon her foot.] Chorus. [Tune, “I couldn’t help it ; how could I mamma.”] The slow minutes pass full of pain and grief, And neither one goes to the other’s relief; And there in the shade of the old, oak tree, The boy squirms and rolls in his spasmodic glee, For he’s noticed that right where the Judge sat down, The grass is uncut and tall and brown. The mowers passed by when they cut the rest, For they knew that right there is a hornet’s nest.SOCIALS 77 John. [Raising his head from the grass, and singing as if nearly choked with laughter.] The mowers passed by when they cut the rest, For they knew that right there is a hornet’s nest. The Judge ’ll know it, too, in less than a minute. And he’ll also know there are hornets in it. [The Judge suddenly springs up, takes off his hat and begins to fight the hornets. Maud, also, becomes excited, and fights with bonnet and apron, while John dances with delight, in the background. Curtain falls.] ACT SECOND. SCENE SECOND. [Curtain rises disclosing the Judge, minus coat, vest, and shoes, sitting by a fence, trying to get the hornets from his shirt sleeves and trousers legs. He should have some blotches on his face, which may be made with putty. Maud sits ut- terly exhausted on a pile of hay. John watches them atten- tively.] Chorus. [Tune, “Bonnie Doon,” Sing with great earnestness.] The Judge knew it, too, in less than a min- ute, And he also knew there were hornets in it,78 SOCIALS And the thought expressed by his soulful yell Was a shade more woeful than tongue can tell. He quickly arose and ambled away From the meadow and Maud and the new mown hay. Ambled away, he knew not where, To get out of sight was his only care. [Chant.] And when he had left the hornets behind, He stopped by that old rail fence to bind A handkerchief over his swollen nose And remove a few hornets out of his clothes. Judge. [Tune, “Old Aunt Rhoda,” sung with great expression.] Plague take these hornets ! Plague take these hornets ! Plague take these hornets ! Why should they cling to me? Unless they soon leave me, Unless they soon leave me, Unless they soon leave me, I know I’ll crazy be, Good-by, Maud Muller, Good-by, Maud Muller, Good-by, Maud Muller, Pll never think of you Without feeling these hornets. These mad, clinging hornets, These blood-thirsty hornets, And that will never do.SOCIALS 79 Chorus. [Chant.] On his hands six lumps are painfully sore, And under his clothing are several more, Still he feels, as he counts the lumps on his chin. Judge. (Reflectively. Tune, “Bonnie Doon.”) It isn’t so bad as it might have been. I cannot think much with this aching head, But I know that my love for Maud Muller is dead. My love on a girl can never be spent, Who has seen me in such a predicament. Chorus. There is nothing so hard on love, as a rule, As the fear of a little ridicule. He tenderly binds up his swollen thumbs, And plainly before him a vision comes Of a ragged girl with uncombed hair, And feet that are dreadfully big and bare, And a form that is many degrees too thin, And he groans when he thinks what might have been, Judge. [Groans and then sings solemnly.] I groan when I think what might have been. (When the chorus sing, “And plainly before him a vision came.” Maud arises with an effort, and comes toward him, on her way out of the field. She walks with great difficulty. The Judge goes off the stage.)8o SOCIALS Cho. Poor Maud, left alone on the field of hay, Finds it very hard work to get away, For her bare, brown foot is so rapidly grow- ing, It impedeth her progress when she would be going. Maud. (Sarcastically. Sings slowly to the tune of “Old Dan Tucker.”) Do I mourn for the Judge? Well, really, you know, Girls who live now-a-days are not apt to do so. I envied him his position, of course, And admired him much as he sat on his horse, And being so tired of my work-a-day life, I have thought of myself as the Judge’s wife, With nothing to do from day to day, But amuse myself while the Judge was away. But I changed my mind when I saw him fall, And I hope there is no one who saw it all, For I’ve always hated effeminate men, And I groan when I think what might have been. Cho. She groaned when she thought what might have been. (Maud limps off the stage.) Cho. (Tune, “Bonnie Doon.”) John Muller gets up from his leafy bed, And jerks off his hat from his curly head,SOCIALS 81 For something within him, he knows not what, Telis him to visit the fateful spot, And see if he cannot come off best In a fight with the hornets, and steal their nest. [When the chorus begins, John steals stowly towards the center of the stage, hat in hand, and with a pleased expression on his face. He begins a fight with imaginary hornets, and as it progresses his face becomes more serious, and finally he fights frantically, and seems to be trying to get away.) Cho. (Laughingly.) To see if he cannot come off best In a fight with the hornets and steal their nest. He can’t, you know, though he’ll have some fun, But he’ll want to stop ere they have begun. (John rushes off the stage, still fighting hor- nets. Curtain falls.) 682 SOCIALS ACT THIRD. SCENE FIRST. [Curtain rises on the Muller home. Mrs. Muller is busy clearing up the room. John rushes in during the progress of the song by the chorus, with his clothes badly torn. She stares at him a moment in blank amazement, then removes her slipper, takes him across her knee, and punishes him well.] Chorus. (Chant in a motonous tone.) John made quicker time than he e’er made before, As home through the woods he frantically tore, Forgetting to care for his pants of tweed, Which were only good where they’d been re- kneed. A minute slips by. They are played upon By his mother’s slipper so large and strong, Till his teeth feel loose and he isn’t sure, How long the bark in his clothes will en- dure. He is free at Last ! He flees through the door, Saying, John. (Pretending to cry.) I’ll never do so any more.SOCIALS 83 (John stands at one side of the stage, which is divided to look like two rooms, and removes some ragged bark from the seat of his overalls.) Chorus. He grins when he sees the state it is in, But groans when he thinks what might have been. John. I groan when I think what might have been. (John re-enters the other room, and sits in a chair in farthest corner. Maud comes in limp- ing, with her apron bound about her foot.) Mrs. Mulj.er. Now, what’s the matter? Why do you come in at this hour of the day ? Dinner isn’t ready. Maud. (Begins crying.) A hornet stung me. I’ll never make hay again. Mrs. M. You know where the hornets’ nest is. Why did you go near it ? Maud. I—I—didn’t. The hornet came to me. John. He came to me, too ! Maud. (Starts and looks toward him.) Are you there ? John. Yes’m, I’m here. I was there, too, but—(Maud goes to him and talks in an aside, ^offering him her penknife. John will not be bribed. Mrs. M. pares potatoes.)84 SOCIALS John. (In a loud tone.) It’ll take more’nthat to make me keep still. Maud. Hush. I’ll give you more. John. Remember the pie; hey? You got me licked that day. Maud. Pm awfully sorry, Johnnie. John. So am I. I was sorry about it at the time. Maud. What can I give you, John? John. Give me a dollar. Maud. But that’s all the money I have. John. Very well. Do as you like about it. By the way, Mother— Maud. (Catches him by the arm.) John ! Mrs. M. What is it, John ? John. Jim Blake’s dog has five little puppies. Mrs. M. What do you suppose I care. John. Didn’t suppose you cared at all. (In a lower tone to Maud.) Well, my lady? Maud. And you’ll never say a word if I give you the dollar ? John. Never, so help me George Washing- ton. (Lays his hand upon his heart. Maud gives him the dollar, which was in a little purse tied around her neck.) Maud. What can I do for my foot, ma? Mrs. M. Put a bread poultice on it. John. What! On all of it ? You’ll have to bake another batch of bread. (He amuses him-SOCIALS 85 self by tossing up and catching the dollar. Maud makes the poultice, singing as she does it.) Maud. (Tune, 4‘Tramp, Tramp, the Boys are Marching. ”) I have been a silly fool; Now, HI make myself this rule: I will never wed unless it be for lov I care nothing, now, for wealth; Love and joy and perfect health Are the richest blessings sent us from above. Chorus. Oh ! dear ! me ! Pm quite disgusted. This has been a lesson dear. After all I have been through, then to lose my dollar, too, Makes me wish that horrid Judge had ne’er come here. (Enter Muller, yawning and rubbing his eyes.) Mul. Dinner ready yet ? Pm nearly starved. Mrs. M. Muller, have you been in the mead- ow? Mul. Y-e-s. Oh, yes. Maud and John. Oh-h-h! Mrs. M. (Takes Muller by the ear and leads him to a chair.) Now, Muller, confess! Where have you been? If you don’t tell me, I’ll pull every^hair out of your head. Muller. I—I—guess—I’ve been asleep in the barn for a few minutes—only a few minutes,86 SOCIALS though! I know, because I talked with young Jones for several hours. Maud. (Blushing and simpering.) Oh, pa! what did he want? John. Did he say anything about that dog he’s going to give me? Mrs. M. (To John.) Neither he nor any other man will give you a dog. (To M.) What were you talking about? Mul. (Becoming angry.) I don’t have to tell. A man hasn’t got to tell his wife every- thing, I guess. It’s none of your business, and I shall not tell one word that young Jones said to me. Mrs. M. [Coolly.) Muller, be calm. Now tell me exactly what Jones said. Did he want to borrow anything? Mul. No-o-o, not exactly. Mrs. M. Not exactly. He wanted to get it to keep, I suppose? Answer me. Mul. Y-e s, that’s about it. Mrs. M. He asked for Maud. Mul. Uh-huh. Maud. What did you say, you darling old papa? Mrs. M. Keep still, Maud. This doesn’t concern you. Mul. No, it does not concern you. He saidSOCIALS 87 he'd give me that roan horse of his, if Fd use my influence with you. Maud. (Rapturously.) Oh, how he loves me! Mrs. M. How much is the horse worth? Mul. Two hundred and fifty dollars, if he's worth a cent. John. Fd rather have him than fourteen Mauds. * Mul. Jones says his father will do the hand- some thing by him. Mrs: M. We'll sell old Bill when we get the roan horse. Come here, my daughter! Come here, John. Let’s all shake hands over the good news. (They shake hands and join the chorus in singing the following lines to the tune of “Bonnie Doon.”) Oh, Whittier, Whittier, what would I not give. If those words of thine which forever must live, To be sung through the ages, had been writ by me! For words which are truer there never can be, “Of all the sad words of tongue or pen, The saddest are these, it might have been." And I think we have proved it in our verse, Things were bad enough, but they might have been worse.88 SOCIALS (Chant in a sing-song.) There was never an “is” so terribly bad, But has a “might have been, far more sad. (The curtain falls as the Muller family renew their handshaking with increased animation.)2 THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING GOMPANY’S CATALOGUE The American Amateur Drama. A collection of new copyrighted plays, suitable'for amateur and professional performances. The acting is not especially difficult, and the scenery can be easily managed. While full of action, these plays are not boisterous, but are refined and elevated m tone. They are bright, interesting and contain not a dull line. Before deciding on a drama for amateur performance, read these plays. Aroused at Last. Comedy in one act, by Mary Kyle Dallas. Four male, four female characters. Plays about forty minutes. One interior parlor scene. Costumes of to-day; scene, New York City. A play full of brisk but refined action, lively dialog-ue, and the comedy possibilities are unlimited. Mr. and Mrs. Pondicherry are a successful business man and his fond wife. Mr. and Mrs. Vandernoodle, a young- old Knicker- bocker and his bride. Miss and Mr. Wig-g-ins, a spinster from Toadfish Point and her brother, Celeste, a breezy French maid and a young man waiter complete a fine cast of characters. Price, 15 cents. Bloomer Girls, or, Courtship in the Twentieth Century. Satirical comedy in one act, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author “Noble Outcast,” “Modern Ananias,” “A Cheerful Liar,” etc. One male, three female characters. One garden scene, which may be changed to an interior if desired. Plays two hours. Two young women in handsome bloomer costumes, one elderly lady in dark dress and a very effiminately attired young man compose the cast of characters. The dialogue is written in Mr. Fraser’s best style—bright and refined, while at the same time it hits the fad hard. Price, 15 cents. Bold Stratagem. Comedy in three acts, by Marsden Brown. Four male, three female characters; costumes mod- ern; one exterior, two interior scenes. Plays forty-five min- utes. This sparkling comedy is bright and witty, yet pure in tone, having no elaborate costumes or difficult scenery. Ama- teurs will find it just what they want. Fvery character good. Fvery situation telling. Price, 15 cents. Burglars, Comedy in one act, by Robert Julian, author of “Will You Marry Me?” Two male, two female characters. A parlor scene. Plays fifteen minutes. Costumes are suitable for one lady and one gentleman in the fashion of to-day, for a housemaid’s pretty dress and a young dandy darkey. The cast includes Mrs. Greene, afraid of burglars; her husband, brave when there is no danger; Kitty, afraid of no one, and Toby, a darkey, who is hired to catch burglars. The situations are new, and will keep the audience roaring from the entrance of Toby to the end. Price, 15 cents.THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY’S CATALOGUE 3 Cheerful Liar. Farcical comedy in three acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author of “Modern Ananias,” “Noble Outcast,” “Merry Cobbler,” etc. Five male, three female characters. Plays three hours. Three interior scenes, all easily arranged. Costumes of the day. A shrieking farcical comedy, full of ‘ ‘go” and new situations. Unlike most light pieces, this one has a most capital plot, full of entanglements. It is a comedy in which any number of specialties may be introduced, although it was played on the professional stage a long season without any. Flora, Randolph, Guy, Hussel and Mrs. Sweetlove may all sing and dance with advantage. Judge Hussel is a great character part. The audacity as well as cheerfulness with which he prevaricates invariably “brings down the house.” In the last act where Flora dons a boy’s costume and the Judge is dressed to captivate, the stage presents one of the strongest comedy scenes that has ever been suggested. The book of the play gives the very full stage directions for crosses, en- trances, exits, etc., for which Mr. Fraser’s plays are noted. While prepared for amateurs in details, professional com- panies find this play a good one for the box office as well as an artistic favorite. Price, 25 cents. Delicate Question. Comedy drama in four acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author of “Modern Ananias,” “Noble Outcast,” etc. Nine male, three female characters. One exte- rior, two interior scenes. Modern costumes. Plays two hours. If a play presenting an accurate picture of life in the rura. districts is required, in which every character has been faith- fully studied from life, nothing better for the use of amateurs than “A Delicate Question” can be recommended. The story is utterly unlike that of any other play, and deals with the saloon, which it handles without gloves and at the same time without a single line of sermonizing. What “Ten Nights in a Barroom” was to the public of a past generation, “A Delicate Question” is destined to be to the present, although it is far from being exactly what is known as a “temperance play.” The plot is intensely interesting, the pathetic scenes full of beauty, because they are mental photographs from nature, and the comedy is simply uproariously funny. The parts, very equally balanced. The scenic effects are quite simple, and by a little ingenuity the entire piece may be played in a kitchen scene. The climaxes are all as novel as they are effective and the dialogue is as natural as if the characters were all real people. Price, 25 cents. Food for Powder. Vaudeville in two acts, by R. Andre, author of “A Handsome Cap,” “Minette’s Birthday,” etc. Three male, two female characters. One interior scene. Plays forty minutes. Costumes, French, of the time of Napoleon I. This dainty and refined play is full of pretty songs set to famil- iar airs, and specialty dances may be introduced. For profes- sional or amateur vaudeville evenings, this will be found just the thing for the short drama which should always form one of the features. Price, 15 cents.4 THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY’S CATALOGUE Handsome Cap. Comic Operetta in one act, by R. An- dre, author of “Food for Powder,” “Minette’s Birthday,” etc. Three male, two female characters. One cottage interior scene. Costumes, of time of George II.. Plays forty minutes. The songs are all written to be sung to popular and well-known airs; dances may be introduced without limit, although there is a real plot and story carried to a happy termination. Like other plays by this writer, “A Handsome Cap” is peculiarly suited to amateur and professional vaudeville evenings. Price, 15 cents. ^ Maud Muller, operetta in three acts, by Fffle W. Merri- man, author “Socials,” “Pair of Artists,” etc. Three male, two female characters Hudicrous costumes and some proper- ty effects which may be easily arranged but are very amus- ing. One interior, one exterior scene. Plays two hours. The piece is arranged for a chorus to do a good deal of work, but a distinct reader will be found effective. The book of the play gives the most minute directions for its production as to action and properties. The horse upon which the judge rides in the hay-field scene is represented by two men covered by a fur robe. The antics of this horse may be made as funny a^ the imagination of the director may suggest. The judge should be a spare man made up to look pompous. Church so- cieties, as well as amateur clubs, will find this a money-mak- ing entertainment. Price, 25 cents. Merry Cobbler. Comedy drama in four acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author “Bloomer Girls,” “Showman’s Ward.” “Modern Ananias,’’etc. Six male, five female characters. Two interior, two exterior scenes. Modern costumes. Plays two hours. This romantic story of a German emigrant boy who falls in love with, and finally marries, a dashing Southern belle, is one of the cleanest and daintiest in the whole reper- toire of the minor stage. The Merry Cobbler is one of the type the late J. K Emmet so loved to portray. Had the piece been originally written for the use of amateurs it could not have been happier in its results, its natural and mirth-provok- ing comedy combined wiih a strong undercurrent of heart in- terest, rendering it a vehicle with which even inexperienced actors are sure to be seen at their best The scenic effects are of the simplest description and the climaxes, while possessing the requisite amount of “thrill” are very easy to handle. The author has prepared elaborate instructions for its produc- tion by amateur players. Price, 25 cents. Minette’s Birthday. Vaudeville in one act, by R. An- dre, author of “A Handsome Cap,” “Food for Powder,” etc. Two male, three female characters. Plays forty-five minutes. One interior cottage scene. Costumes, in fancy French peasant fashion. This is another one of this author’s plays arranged for the popular amateur and professional vaudeville evenings. It is full of merry songs and dances, refined, spirited and very amusing always. Price, 15 cents.THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY’S CATALOGUE 5 Modern Ananias. Comedy in three acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author “Noble Outcast,” “Showman’s Ward,” etc. Four male, four female characters. Two interior, one exterior scenes. Modern society costumes. Plays three hours. This is a screaming* farcical comedy, which depends upon the wit and humor of its lines no less than upon the drollery and absurdity of its situations for the shrieks of laughter it invariably pro- vokes. Unlike most farcical comedies. “A Modern Ananias” has an ingeniously complicated plot, which maintains a keen dramatic interest until the fall of the last curtain. The scen- ery, if necessary, may be reduced to a garden scene and an in- terior. The climaxes are all hilariously funny, and each of the three acts is punctured with laughs from beginning to end. Amateurs will find nothing more satisfactory in the whole range of the comic drama than this up-to-date comedy- farce. The fullest stage directions accompany the book, in- cluding all the “crosses” and positions, pictures, etc. Price, 25 cents. Noble Outcast. Drama in four acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author “Modern Ananias,” “Merry Cobbler,” “Cheerful Iyiar,” etc. Four male, three female characters. Plays three hours. Costumes, modern, except Jerry’s, when he appears as a tramp and again as an exagerated “swell.” This play has proven one of the most popular ever produced on the profes- sional stage, but the author for the first time now allows it to be printed from the original manuscript. All the entrances, exits and positions will be found in the book of the play. It is safe to say that in the whole range of the drama there is no character to be found with such power to compel alternate laughter and tears as is shown by “Jerry, the tramp.” The dramatic interest is always intense. Price, 25 cents. Pair of Artists. Comedy in three acts, by Fffie W. Merri- man, author of “Maud Muller,” “Socials,” etc. Four male, three female characters. Plays one and three-quarters hours. Three interior scenes, all easily arranged. Mrs. Scott wears bloomers and a man’s hat; Mr. Scott, blue overalls and a checked gingham apron; Gertie, a long-sleeved apron and hair braided down her back; the others, conventional dress of to- day. Fach character has a prominent part. There is no vil- lain or heavy people; all goes with a vim, and has been pre- sented to the most critical audiences with entire success. Price, 15 cents. Purse, The. Comedy in two acts; dramatized by Theo- dore Harris, from Balzac’s “Ua Bourse.” Seven male, two female characters. Plays one hour and fifty minutes. Interior scenes. Costumes of the time of Napoleon I. The exquisite language and sentiment of this noted French writer has been admirably translated by Mr. Harris. For a student of dra- matic literature, this p’ay is recommended. The dialogue is as dainty and charming as a piece of French porcelain. Price, 15 cents.6 THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY’S CATALOGUE Showman’s Ward. Comedy in three acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author of ‘ ‘Noble Outcast,” * ‘Delicate Question,” “Merry Cobbler,” etc. Fight male, five female characters. Three doubles may be made. Costumes of to-day. Plays two and one-half hours, This comedy has been very successfully performed under another title on the professional stage. It is, however, well adapted for the use of amateurs on account of the absence of scenic effects, the play being capable of per- formance in a parlor with different furniture for each act. The more singing* and dancing introduced, the better for the performance. There is a dress rehearsal scene and a' girls’ school scene, which are always uproariously funny. The number of girls taking part in the school scene may be unlim- ited, thus making the play an admirable one for a club or society. The role of the showman’s ward is a soubrette one, and it can easily be made a star part by a clever young wo- man if this is desired. Still, all the characters are so distinct- ly drawn that each is important and leading. Mr. Fraser has, as usual, given full directions for the stage production of this comedy in the book of the play. Price, 25 cents. Twixt Love and Money. Comedy drama in four acts, by John A. Fraser, Jr., author “Modern Ananias,” “Merry Cobbler,” “Noble Outcast,” etc. Fight male, three female characters. Plays two and one-half hours. Three interior scenes. Costumes of the day. This charming domestic com- edy drama of the present day bids fair to rival, both with pro- fessionals and amateurs, the success of “Hazel Kirke.” The scene is laid in a little village on the coast of Maine, and the action is replete with dramatic situations which “play them- selves.” The story is intensely interesting and, in these days of Frenchy adaptations and “problem” plays, delightfully pure; while the moral—that love brings more happiness than does money—is plainly pointed without a single line of preach- ing. No such romantic interest has been built up around a simple, country heroine since the production of “Hazel Kirke” and “May Blossom” years ago. The play is in four acts, and as the scenery is easy to manage it is particularly well adapted for the use of amateurs. This play was originally written for professionals, but has been carefully revised for amateurs by Mr. Fraser, and the book contains full directions for all stage business. The dramatic interest is intense, each act being given a strong climax in situation and dialogue. Price, 25 cents. Will You Marry Me? Farce in one act, by Robert Julian, author of “Burglars.” Two male, two female charac- ters. Plays twenty minutes. Costumes of to-day for eccen- tric old gentleman, one maiden elderly lady, one young man and one young woman. One interior parlor scene. The plot is full of intensely amusing matrimonial complications, with a happy ending. The fun is about evenly divided among the four strong parts. Some clever acting is desired where the dialogue is repeated under contrasting circumstances, by dif- ferent persons. Price,T5 cents.16 THE DRAMATIC PUBLISHING COMPANY’S CATALOGUE The “Deestrick Skule” of Fifty Years Ago By Mr. M. H. Jaquith. Fifteen to fifty people are required to give this entertain- ment. Old-fashioned costumes of fifty years ago are worn, grown men and women dressing as the boys and girls of that time in America. The book gives full suggestions for the costumes. It contains questions and answers for the classes, “compositions” and “pieces” for the entertainment and a parting poetical “trib-ute” from the “ma” of two pairs of twins. This is the strongest burlesque entertainment in use for societies and clubs, and is always successful when given. The 7nost popular entertainment ever published. Price, 50 cents. “Exerbition” of the Deestrick Skule of Fifty Years Ago By Mrs. M. H. Jaquith. The “Deestrick Skule” has given the public the purest fun and made the most money for charity of any known entertain- ment. The “Fxerbition,” which we this season published for the first time, is just as amusing. The “las’ day” of every well-conducted “skule” was always given to the “Bxerbition,” and in it the same scholars are brought in again who were so well-known in the “Deestrick Skule.” The day is divided into the forenoon session, the noon hour and the afternoon speakin’, with the visit of the “Skule Committee.” Price, 50 cents. Barberine and Other Comedies By Aeered de Musset. “The grace and delicacy of his remarkable dramas, the in- tensity with which the story is adapted to the moral, the abund- ant wit which illustrates and pervades them, makes them unique in literature.”—George Saintsbury. “Strange, fastastic, exquisite little comedies.^-JETenr^/ James. 16 mo., cloth, gilt top, $1.25.