 

I ILLINOIS

Production Note
Digital Rare Book Collections
Rare Book & Manuscript Library
University of Illinois Library at
Urbana-Champaign
2020
 
 
 

~~r 14¢.“ 2,

’1 m‘ .— wH—w "a", w ("lsw‘qv'wuﬂ

 
 
     

THE

‘CQLCANNEN MATCH:
O R, T H E

BELLY DULL
P O E M

_.

 

_—._I _-_-"—-.—I-

In three CANTO s

~~_m-—m—~.

 

For 22: the Yeeth in Beaﬁ; qf prey, . ~-
Are Sword: with which they ﬁght inﬁeﬂ
S0 Sword: in Men of Pszr are YeethQ
Which they do eat their Vittle with
Human“;

 

 

 

gnaw—IBI—

Printed ‘in the Year MDCCXXX

 
 

THE

COLCANNEN MATCH.

CANTO the Firil.

N Faugban’s banks a little Village {lands
Obfcurely placed in bare and rugged

’ Lands: _ , >

’ Except in vulgarMouths but fcarcely found,

‘ Till now, by C——-—-—-—’s Reﬁdcnce re‘

> nown’d.

j Gleudermot nam’d: here of“: of laté, repair

"F Sclcé’t Conventions of the Brave and Fair.

To walk, to dance, to ling, to laugh, to prate,

To viﬁt, to be feen, to drink, to car.

Hither devoutly B ~11 wont to prcf's,

Led by COLCANNEN fwcct and fwcetcr befx.

And charm’d with Food and Love, the Means dcviﬁ:

To let in. Tranfportg both at Throa; and Eyes;

 

   
 
 
 
 
  

 

 

Fair

  
    

r Fair 5417; he" aihove a Goddef's rais’d,

Ki, Above Ambroﬁa he Colmmen prais’d ; ,

33. And to the MA Ni tit length directs“ a Look , ,
l; Difdainful, and iiich Words prefumptuousxfjaoke; ‘ ‘

Lil’c, C :1, grand devourer, Bane Of Beef, 3
Of all the gormandizing Tribe, the. Chief. 3
:3' Than whom no earthly Wight could ever glut
A keener Maw or more capacious Gut.
Accept this Challenge; chufe we each a Friend,
' Beneath two Difhes let Colmmzen Bend,
Expanﬁve Diihes and of equall Size,
The party ﬁrl’c that from C olcmmen ﬂies,
That do’s the alluring Mai-I'd ﬁrlt refuf'e,
Three gallon: crown’d with fparkling Wine ﬁlalllofei

 

 

To whom the HERO: am I, puny 3%”,
Am I the ﬁrf’c thou dar’l’c to venture on ?
When did’l’t thou the me fail 2 when ever ﬂie
From Pudding skin’d or unskin’d, cruf’ted Pye, ‘3
Tough Beef, Trufs’d Fowl, or molt enormous Filh,’
Or ﬁercell Pig that grins upon the Diih ? ‘
Are ought but Bones remOv’d where e’er I dine,
Or ev’n thof'e Bones 'till pick’d as bare as "thine?
And {hall Colcmmen daunt me 3 M—«-—-, Jewel;
Be thou my fccond in this belly Duel :
Remember thy Forefathers were not nice,
When at the derrizm Seige, they fed on Miceg
Cats, Rats, and Dogs: yet all their Battles won 3
Then M prove not a degen’rate Son :
But let thy Guts exert their utmoll Strength,

Yours, what they wantin Breadth, enjoy in Length,
' tn 9

 

 

 
 

 

 

    

i (‘4)

\ Stuﬂ", ﬂuff with courage; we muff eat for Fame,
For Glory rather burﬂ: than quit with Shame.

The HE xo’s ﬂern, ‘hoarfe Words, at dreadﬁﬂl Sound; '

scatter pale Terrour and Confuﬁon Round;
Thrice B ’s opn’ing Lips eiTay’d to fpeak,

 

/

His Tongue thriCe fault’ring, funk, unnerv’d and weak.

At length, reCov’ring from the wild Amaze,
‘To H thus in Tone fubmiﬂive fays.

*Tis pail" retrieve the fatal Word I’ve fpoke,
, hich nowvwith decency I can’t revoke:
Then H pity the Dif’rrefs’d ; you know
The Breadth and Length of our all-gorging Foe: '
Thou’lt lend, I’m fure if mortal Courage dare .
Thy Hand and Stomach in this furious War,

 

 

Now all’s agreed : our Sons of Fame conclude
On Time and Place to prove their Fortitude,
the third important Day difplays their Might
And Berry’s doom’d to be the Scene of Fight.

CANTO the Second.

Thrice had the tiling Sun our Globe review’d
E’er C ’s longing Jaws were bled with Food;
The feat of Lyons, when prepar’d to feize,

With ten fold Fury their devoted Preys.
SQ.confcious of the War he foou‘mul’t wage,
He whets his Hunger and improves his Rage:
Mean while he humbly turn’d the fertil Land

And eas’d the poor laborious Ploughman’s Hand,
With

 

W‘ “m
. ' a v“
~ . . tw—

U “JV

Rudd
  

‘ With Rome’ 3 Diétator thus he nobly vied,

' Accus d the ﬁckly Fires Expiring Flame,

‘_ T’ invert the Pot and let the Waters drain.

   

By whom the Camp and Plough by turns was tried,
His mighty Shade arofe and gazing on
With an approving Nod confcfs’d his Son.

But now the Day’s arriv'd that crowns with Fame, '
And gives our H5119 an immortal Name.
'1 he Champions meet: each varying Face appears,
Now ﬂufh’ d with Hope, now Chill (1 with livid F ears.t
All but the MAN’S, whothought each Moment ﬂow.
Sure of Succefs, impatient for the Foe.
Chid the fat lingring Cook’s un'weildy Frame:

The breathlef‘s bellows curs 'd that vainly Toil
And damn’ d the Pot that would no fooner boil.
Prodigious Pot within whofe hollow Womb
Lay all the Thunder of the War to come.

But long the HERO is not r’obb d of ea1e;

The Water whitens o’ er the riﬁng Blaze,

The green Cale foftens, the Potatoes bruife,
Each other tumbled thro the bubbling Ooze.
All work at once, and with harmonious Noil'e,
Promife Gals/1mm and immediate Joys.

The {trength of twice four ﬁnewy arms it took
This Rival of a caldron to uncrook; ‘

Four more aihi’t them and their Vigour ﬁrain,

With Hands conjoin’d two ﬂout Viragoes roll
Around the Brim a f’tifi‘ extended Pole,
With which they rumble, jumble, bruifc and bruih,

And into pap the foft Materials crulh. .
V VVhtCh

 
 

 

 

   

( 5 l
Which blended well, with Strength and Art they drei‘E;s
For each contending Power an equal Mefs.
To Spoons, to Spoons they cried :1 to Spoons they ran,
And quick as Thought the bloodlei's Fray began.

‘ Now from the Battlements of Heavens high Towerﬂ,
~ ‘ Each God look'd down and quit his rich Repafi, ‘ C)
‘ Wond’ring to fee they could f0 much Devour, ’:

‘ And than eat ﬂow, To fee them eat f0 fal’t. J

CANTO the Third.

The Knights redonbted, with their'trully Squires,
When Glory charms and hope of Conquel": F ires:
Execute Wonders, and allert their Caufe,

With dext ions Hands and nimblenels of jaws
The- Hying Spoons now empty, now teplete,

1 Ring on the Dilh, or on theii Tusks they grate .
Each Bit, f0 fweet 1t glides, they fearcely tafle,
And heavily they breath, and fnort for hafle,
Globes of Colcnmnen after Globe they bowl (1,
Which down the crimf'on Lane impetuous roll d
80- Scavengers when 111 a Mom they meet,

To lift the gathered Otdnre from the Street,
With Shovels labour and exert their Skill,

Their wide mouth’d Vehicles of dirt to ﬁll,
Eager they ﬁrive, who {hall the ﬁrl’t convey,
And hurlt th’ [accumulated Filth away.

But oh l what bard- triumphant can relate,
Thy Aé’cions C d, formidably great?

 

How fhould he rife to towering Flights of Thought;
111 what ﬁrong Numbers ﬂiould his Verfe be “01151115

hat
 
   

( 7 )
That with thy Chaps an equal Pace might keep,
Bright as thy Spoon, yet as thy Belly deep,
Which like the Ocean, never can run o'er,
Still you eat on, and Hill there’s Room for more.

C d impatient grown, begins to think,
He waits too long for Honour and for Drink,
The Spoon a trifling Engine, ﬂings aﬁde,
Hands before Spoons were made the HERO cried,
Than with Colcannon both, his Fiﬁs"he cram’d,
And down his Throat the bulky Morfels ram’d ;,
E II perceives the MAN, he looks he ﬂares,

 

 

a He fpits, he heaves he lickens, he defpairs,

His con uer’d Stomach loaths i’ts Food and foon
‘1 .4 )

With an Heart rending figh, he drops his Spoons 7 '

 

All Hopes toC d’s Gulph he mutt relign,
Prepar’d to {Wallow both his Fame and Wine ;
Colczmmn in his Hand, enrag’d he wears ‘
And (oh mifchance) the Heads Face heﬁnearsp '
But to his Aid the valiant Murray hands,

And Cleans his Forehead with his faithfull Haida
Then crying i’ts a Shame to fpoil the Meat,

The Inﬂrument of 3 11’s Rage he eat.

But dire Revenge the Hands Brealt infpires,

And from/his Eyeball’s, Halli vindictive Fires‘
Then heaves the Difh and with amazing Force,
To B ‘
But ﬂooping he evades the Shock, and Fate,
Lodges the Difh on little H ’s Pate.
Which with inverted Poliure, ihews the Don,
Like 225mg; with gqgabgjim's Helmet one

 

 

 

‘\_~’«.~W<‘——-—-—~ _ .__. i.__....—‘_

11’s Head directs i’ts dreadfull Courf'e, ’

New

 

 
 

 

 

4 ( , 8‘ )

Now War with horrid Front begins to frown,
The Table tumbles, Chairs come rattling down:
Knives at each other, Plates and Spoons they throw,
Defpifed Colcannm ﬂies like Balls of Snow.

The houfe—hold Animals ﬂock round for Prog,
Cocks, Hens, the grumbling Cat, and ﬁiarling Dog.
Oaths, Cries, and laughter in load Vallies rife,
.And fend promifcuous Clamour to the Skies;

But Skipton, who preparld the Drink within,
Comes forward, hearing the tremendous Din.
And thus began: What are the People mad?

I’m fure I left you Friends juft now, oh fad!
Nay C d, before George you ﬂtall not (trike,

Ha I Fight l—Did ever Mortal fee the like 2

His honey'd words the Champions rage difarn‘}
And all their Hatred into ,Friendﬂiip charm.
Each rebel Pafﬁon fall's at their Command ;
What can the Force of eloquence withﬂand .3

 

 

 
a

m.
m
_
_
a
w
w