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Production Note

Digital Rare Book Collections
Rare Book & Manuscript Library
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Stories from the .14‘ol/:«~ZOI‘C
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u Rouskiya Zu'zr'cllmiya bkugki ,. done into English by tho Translator
of << The Book of Exposition in the Science of Coixion. » << The
Old Man Young Again n; and othcr charming works ('jnxdum

furilmz.

 

PA R I S

CHARLES CAB RINGTON
Publisher 0f Mcdiml, Folk—lul’c, 11nd Hz'starz'ml Works

l2}, FAUIHJUKG )IUNTMARTRE. 13
1897

 

 

 

 

STORI ES FROM THE FOLK-LORE

OF

RUSSIA

 

 

This
work, intended solely
for students of Comparative
Folk—lore, is here presented in English
complete for the first time. The edition is strictly
- limited to five hundred copies, all of them
being on hand—made Van Gelder
paper, of which the

PRESENT COPY IS

JV” 260

 

 

   

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S tories from the Folk—lore
0f
Russ ia

a Rouskiya Zwvetnubn Sleazlci » done into English by the Translator
of « The Book of Exposition in the Science of Coition. » « The I
Old Man Young Again »; and other charming works ejusdem

fwrime.

 

PARIS

CHARLES CARRINGTON
Publisher of Medical, Folk—Zore, and Historical Works
13, FAUBUURG MUNTMARTRE. [’6
1897

 

 

 

 

TRANSLATOR’S FOREWORD

To the Frivolous who, deceived by appearances,
are ready to cry out : << What a shocking book! >>
<< Why ever was it printed? >> and who straightway
would place this collection under the patronage of
Cyprys the Lascivious and of her pretty son, Eros,
we may say at once that we have chosen for Saint,
the grave and chaste Athena‘is, the austere goddess
of Wisdom and Science. We owe this declaration as
much to ourselves as to our readers, for fear of the
Profane and the Ungodly, or worse still, that more
terrible foe — smug—faced << Mother Grundy >>.

' « The Godly dame who fleshly failings damns

Scolds with her maid, or with her Chaplain crams ;

Would you enjoy soft nights and solid dinners

Faith, gallants, board with saints and bed with sinners (2). v f

At the outset of our observations, we think it fit to
combat a popular misconception regarding the word
<< folk-Zorc >>. Many persons, otherwise well—informed,
wrongly think that folk—lore relates to stories about
I< Jack—and-the-Bean-stalk, >> << Cinderella and the Glass
Slipper, >> and other pretty legends of the kind told to
keep good little girlé andboys from howling at bedtime.

(1) Pope.

 

 

 

—-II—~

The present tales are nothing of the sort. Full of
homely jest and Rabelaisian humour, they deal with
incidents that a child —- not yet striken with thefin
d6 sie‘cle disease, which so worries Max Nordau (1) —
would find it impossible to understand. But their
startling plainness of speech is not of the obscene
kind that deliberately chooses a word because it_is
coarse. If the actors in these realistic scenes << call a
spade a spade >>, it is because they have not learnt to
veneer over, with hypocritical phrase, actions that to
them are as innocent as eating and drinking.

All those who busy themselves with popular and
traditional literature7 — or to employ the excellent
and concise expression, folk—lore. now almost uni-
versally adopted, — have had occasion to meet on their
way, under the multifarious forms which they affect,
tales, songs, sayings and proverbs which are worthy
of being preserved and published. Some of these are
remarkable from a purely literary point of View, for
their sparkling liveliness and wit, others, more rarely
it is true, by their captivating style and graceful
coquetry, and others still because they offer an ele—
ment of study and comparison to folk—iorists. But the
crudity and immorality of the subject, and the coarse-
ness of the expression employed have repelled col—
lectors, who, in general, have allowed the materials
they had brought together to fall again into oblivion.

Nevertheless, a great number of these, thanks
mainly to the literary Workers of the Middle Ages,
and 0f the Renaissance, particularly in Italy and;

(I) See a Degeneration u London (Heinenum), 1895. Also his « Con—
ventional Lies of our Civilization )5 .

 

 

—III-—-

France, ~ less prudish or less hypocritical than those
of to—day— have been handed down to us in the form
of Ancient Lays, Rhymed Legends, Satirical Dramas,
Farces,and Tales, more or less disguised and travestied,
and shorn of their original coarse cynicism. It is true
that the world generally, knows nothing about them,
sleeping as they do on the manuscript shelves of public
or private libraries. Moreover the savaizfs Who brought
the most celebrated of these collections of legends
together, have hitherto not dared to interrupt their
dusty slumbers and to insert them in their rightful
place among other documents. There is here a curious
mine to work, and many a treasure to bring to light for
which, some day perhaps, we may find the opportu—
nity. Some of them, and not the least obscene, have
had the good fortune to appear in some famous col—
lections as, for instance << 1e Lai des quatre souhaits
Saint—Martin >> (Barbamlz-Mr’an collection, V01. IV).

We also posses a literary version of the tale of the
<< Ridiculous Wishes >>, as curious as it is gross, but of

which the gaiety and wit excuse the rank obscenity.
Happily also, more than one tale of obscene form has
been easily made, by means of a few slight and un-
important changes7 to take on such a decent aspect
as to be capable of being related for the amusement
of children, or of circulating in polite and elegant
society. To give but one example, << Les Souhaits
ridicules >>. Perrault had merely in this tale to suspend
the << yard of sausage >> to the nose of the peasant’s
wife in order to render one of the very numerous
versions of this funny story fit to take place in a col—
lection destined’for children.

 

 

 

—IV'_

Similarly, in the tales belonging to the same family
as those of which the Tree Nose of Grimm is the
type, it is not in tile popular version, the 71056 but
another organ which lengthens out, stretching away for
many a league and following which its owner may be
found by tracifig it along through by paths and. bushes.

When such simple substitutions could be made,
without injuring the narrative, it was all right from
every point of View. But it is not always so. There
certainly exist — our collection will prove it — some
popular versions whose curious obscenity under more
than one heading is such, that there is no pen, how~
ever skilful or experienced that could reproduce
them without perverting their meaning; owing to
which they have lost their primitive intention to the
great detriment of folk—lore science. That the ob-
scene version ofa tale should be left unnotice'd is the
more to be regretted because it often constitutes
the primitive form which, with other readings and
interpolations, has given rise to better known and
more decent narratives7 but which from the particular
stand—point of the folk—lorist have less interest. For
instance7 it is not necessary to be a specialist to see
in the two forms of the obscene feature that is met
With in Rabelais’s and in La Fontaine’s story of Le
Dz'able de Papcfig'uz'e‘re and in several of the following
Cossack stories, that it was the popular form which pre-
ceded the literary. And yet it is certain that the coarse
and ignorant moujz'lcs who recount these stories never
heard either of Rabelais or of La Fontaine; it was from
popular tradition that they culled them. Rabelais and
after him the fabulist, La Fontaine, threw it again into

 

—V—‘\

literary form. — Besides the immorality ot a work
does not consist in the crudity of the words, and the
coarseness (5f the expression, but the object had in
View by the writer. Take any of the great classics, so
dear to us; —« the 01d Hebrew books; the rollicking
comedies of the Elizabethan play—wrights; the naive
stories of Queen Margaret’s women; the audaciously
free tales of Boccaccio; and half—a—score more ; and it
will be found that any attempt to castrate or gloze over
their scurrilousness would be to destroy that healthy,
full-blooded Vitality in them which for us makes them
so intensely human. The most perverse novels of the
XVIII, century are often written in a chastened style
Where the flowers of language distil deadly poison. —-
No matter to what nation or to what century he may
belong, a writer who seeks to kindle evil passions in
the mind of his readers, even though he write in‘the
most correct and irreproachable style, must be con—
sidered immoral.

The ex—priest, Liseux, may be aptly cited here.
Editor of a series of pornographic works, he was as
fair minded as learned, and his words have therefore
double weight. In the short << avertissement >> to his
edition in French of these skazki he says:

<< Dans notre conviction, toutefois.7 si ces contes
offensent quelque chose de respectable7 c‘est plutét
le gofit que 10s moeurs. Leur obsee’nité méme Ieur
confere une sorte d‘innocuité morale; ils sont trop
cyniques pour étre voluptueux. De meme que le spec-
tacle de l’ivresse enseigne 1a sobrie’té, rien n’est plus
propre £1 refroidir l’ardeui‘ des sens que l’étalage brutal

 

 

< ,__,..‘x4,.. /,..

 

__VI__

des choses de l‘amour. Certes, nous ne vou-drions pas
conseiller cette lecture 21 la virginité ignorante, mais
pent-étre la recommanderions—nous moins encore a
la caducité en quéte d’excitations érotiques. Les
Vieillards qui demandent 21 une lecture spéciale le
stimulus vellerz's, ne trouveraient pas ici ce qu’ils
cherchent. >>

As for the employment of. obscene words, their
immorality is altogether contingent, being a question
which varies with the age and the country. No better
example can be cited than certain well known pas-
sages in the Bible, or in the very grave and most pious
dissertations of the Scholiasts on subjects which are
themselves most scabrous.

We consider then that we are adding yet another
stone to the lordly building of Human Knowledge in
publishing this collection, Whose contents, however
gross, scatalogical, and obscene they may appear, yet
afford to the thinker and philosopher a real insight
into popular traditions and customs, and constitute
human documents more precious than all theorisings.
There is deep truth, as well as fine writing, in the
words Goethe so ably putsinto Mephistoles’s mouth :

Grey, my dearest friend, is all thy theory,
And green the golden tree of life.

We may add that these tales have a two-fold value
to the folk—lorist and observer, for whilst they stimu-
late his zeal to solve some of the questions which they
raise, they also aid him With clues to some of the
problems which have long puzzled him. Russia is,
physically and intellectually, a barrier between Europe

 

— VII ——

and Asia. On the one side Western civilization surges
against it; 011 the other side it is laved by Eastern
influences7 rich in sensuous imaginings and legends
that were old already when Europe was inhabited by
a horde of savages, and neither of these mighty oceans
has apparently had any effect on the twinship 0f igno-
rance and indifference that distinguishes the Russian
peasant and his barbarous brother Cossack.

Apparently, we say advisedly, for curiously under
more headings than one, our Secret Russian Stories
are strikingly remarkable for their resemblance to
certain tales believed to be peculiar to given peoples.
Manifold are the traces of Eastern and Western folk—
lore, which would seem to form the connecting link
between the prolific invention of the one and pro-
found superstition of the other. Below the ice—bound
rocks of Russia may, perhaps in a way7 flow the secret
currrent that connects the two oceans.

Without doubt we shall more than once have to
silence our scruples, to overcome our repugnance.
But we think that Science like fire, purifies all. —— Like
the chemist who weighs7 analyses and synthetizes the
least tempting substances, without being affected by
their aspect or their odOur; like the doctor who des-
cribes the most intimate details and studies the most
mysterious functions of the organs of generation,
solely for science’s sake, so also shall we if need be,
touch with chaste hand and mind unsullied, subjects
the most scurrilous7 details of Sadisian obscenity 0r
immorality the most revolting. However, it is not in
vain that the old English blood courses through our
veins, and besides as Rabelais says : Rz're est la proprc

b

 

 

w. «.vuh i .

 

—- VIII *-

de l’homme, we shall not therefore when the place
calls it forth seek to stifle back the honest, frank
laugh, free from low idea and coarse thought, which
the reading of Beaumont and Fletcher or the Novels
0f Sterne, Smollet and Fielding always bring to lips
that speak the Anglo—Saxon tongue, or the sly smile
evoked by the slightly more refined writings of the
Queen Anne period.

Our publication is exclusively destined for folk—
lorists, and our object to avoid those who in the dung
of Ennius see only the filthy heap while overlooking
the glittering pearls his genius has flung there.

The series now commencing with the stories of
South Russia, will we trust, include later the Tales
and folk-lore productions of all nations.

By means of these recitals we may see how the jinn
became converted into the witch; — the brother of
the Fairy Paribanou might have come straight from
Gotcnheim; —. and the subtle analysis of the folk—
lorist may detect again some of the same metal in $010-
mon’s ring and Thor’s hammer. Even with the very
limited knowledge possessed by the present writer he
can discover in many of these tales analogies to some
of the apologues of the szclzzz-Tam‘m 0f Pz'lpay;
N° XXVII is but another version of << The old man
who was going to mind the house >>, — as related by
Grimm, whilst, singular to say, N0 1 calls to mind the
adventures of Brer Rabbit and Brer FOX.

The Cossack tales in this volume are translated from
a collection in the Little Russian dialect, published
in a limited edition. The original, from which our
version is translated, exists in the Bz'blz’ot/w‘que Natio—

 

_.IX__

mate, Paris, and consists of asmall unbound in—8° book
of about 200 pages. No author's name figures on the
title page and the only indication of its origin consists
of the following rather enigmatic superscription :

(< BALAAM

PRINTED ON THE PRESSES OF THE MONASTIC
BROTHERHOOD ‘

IN THE YEAR OF THE DEVILRY OF GLOOM.»

Our version is the first that has yet appeared in the
English language. A French text was issued by our
old friend, Isidore Liseux, and edited with his custo—
mary care, but without illustrations or annotations,
moreover it was prepared solely for french biblio~
philes and book—amateurs. W. R. Ralston, MA. (1)7
makes a guarded allusion to our collection in the fol—
lowing words: There [5 0/16 other recent collection of
Skagkafiz), that pubtts/zed last year at Geneva under
the title of << Russkz'yzz Zavctizm'ya SZmflet». But upon
its contents I have not found it necessary to draw. It
is to be regretted that the fear of Mother Grundy
gagged the mouth of this talented scholar. Occupying
a post at the British Museum, had he been bold enough
to embody his knowledge of these stories in his able
work on the folk-tales of Russia, he would have un-
doubtedly paid for his ill—timed temerity with his
situation, although he would have risen in the esteem

(1) << Russian Folk-tales », London, Tri‘ibner, [873, Preface XI.

(2) i, e, Folk-tales, SKAZKAS is a plural formed on an English model ~—
the real Russian plural of the word is, of course. SKAZKI.

 

 

 

—X—

of 311 real scholars. Less able by far, without the W011—
derful knowledge, 1101‘ having the great opportunities
of research that he commanded7 we have ventured to
issue our version, but disclaim all pretentious to com—
p1eteness.’Let it be regarded as pioneer work, under—
taken in the face of fire When those stronger intellec—
tually hung back. Our object is not << Pornography
for the sake of Pornography >>, but << Pornography for
the sake of Science >>. When the vagaries, Obscenities7
and wayward fancies of Human Nature are collected,
ticketed and docketed L75 such, they Will lose their
perniciousness7 and be relegated to What a clever
French Zz'l‘l‘c’mz‘cur terms 10 Musc’c d’Anatom/c Ero—
tz’gzw (1) Men are beginning to envisage this question
from the right standpoint, and already a larger free—
dom (2) of expression in the discussion of the sexual
relations of men and women is, in spite of all the
spleen and resistance of the Philistines, demanded
and allowed.

We have reproduced the text just as it is, notwiths—
tanding its unheard Of coarseness of language and,
what is worse, of ideas; a coarseness Which is a testi—
mony, alas, too convincing7 to customs curious for
more reasons than one. These stories furnish many
points of comparison with other well-known tales,

(t) OCTAVE UZANNE, in « Nos Ami; [ex Livre: », p. 62. Paris, Quan-
tin, 1896.

(2) For instance Haveiock Ellis’s book « Sexual Inversion; Studies in the
Psynbology of Sex » (1897) Kraft Ebbing’s « Psychopatbia Sexualis »; and
last7 but by no means least, Farmer Henley’s << Slang and its Analogues »
(6vol.) 1896-97, probably the most complete lexicon of Heterodox Speech
that has ever appeared. About 18 columns of synonymous words are
given to express that spot in lovely VVomau nestling midway between
the thighs and navelll

 

“XI”—

more especially with the new Italian and French Cantos
joycux of the Renaissance, for which they may stand
as the popular version. The specimens of satirical
popular stories are far less frequent than the marvel—
lous or mythical. This is the characteristic of the pre—

sent work.{A rather piquant detail, as intimated above,

is that these tales were gathered by an orthodox monk,
for the greater glory of science, and printed by the
monastic printing press, in order to evade the Russian
censureflvThey in general contain very bitter satires
against the popes, as the Russian priests are called,
which gives them a feature of resemblance with the
French writers of ancient versified-tales, who were
always pleased to bring monks and nuns forward
upon the scene in the least edifying positions.

It may to some people, seem astonishing that Rus—
sian moujz‘ks could print such satires against their spi—
ritual cozzfrc‘rcs, the priests. To this we reply that
there exists in Russia a very pronounced antagonism
between the lower classes and the regular clergy —
i.. e —, the popes and the moujiks — who, with the
hatred of their kind, show each other no mercy.

The same thing has been seen in France and in
Italy. Rabelais, the jovial vicar of Meudon, did not
hesitate to put into the mouth of monks and nuns the
most risky expressions7 for which, _he would have
certainly answered with his life, but for the protec—
tion of Francis the First. Firenzuola, the well-known
Benedictine friar, was another incorrigible farccur,
who threw into the form of lively novellez‘tes his
outspoken appreciations of the Vices of the Italian

clergy.

( re».

7‘ ng-vy t, _, "_"- w

. W"

.u-.....-

 

 

 

—x11-—

A similar, although perhaps not exactly parallel
case7 may be found in the ridicule heaped at the Res-
toration 0n the English Puritans, who were exposed,
as Macaulay points out, to the utmost licentiousness
of the Press and the Stage, when the Press and the
Stage were the mostlicentious, and whose sour aspect,
nasal twang, stiff posture, long graces7 Hebrew names,
Scriptural phrases7 and other foibles, were aban-
doned t0 the Satirists and Dramatists, and became fair
game for the Churchmen and the laughers in general.

If evidence be required as to the kinship of Races,
we find it in this volume. Nothing is recondite or
far—fetched. These 01d Russian stories turn upon pivots
which, as Ralston well says, are familiar to all the
world, and have for their themes such connnon-placc
topics as the incorrigible folly of man, the inflexible
obstz'nacy of woman. They form a volume of facetiee
which have figured as the stock—in—trade 0f rustic
Falstaffs and Sancho Panzas whether among the
Vineyards of France or Germany, or on the hills of
Greece, 0r beside the Norway fiords, or along the
coasts of Brittany or the Scottish Highlands—facetiw
which, for centuries, have set grey—beards wagging in
Cairo 0r Ispahan7 or excited the sensuous brains of the
warm—blooded sons and daughters of dusky Burmah
and Bengal.

Let us now hear what the patient searcher has to
say7 who took down these stories as they fell, from
the lips of moujz'ics and of soldiers, and by coura—
geously putting the interests of Science above vulgar

prejudice, has so well earned the thanks of all earnest
students.

 

—- XIII —

The issuing of these secret tales, in the form and
order in which we present them to Scholars and
Amateurs, constitutes a fact almost unique in its
kind. It may happen7 precisely for that very reason,
that this book will provoke reproaches and exclama-
tions of all kinds, not only against the daring editor,
but also against the ijation Which has given birth to
such tales, wherein popular fancy has, without the
least restraint of language, unfolded, in sparkling pic-
tures, all the force and richness of its humour. Put-
ting aside all the reproaches addressed personally to
ourselves, we must declare that any outcry uttered
against the national wit would be not only an injus—
tice, but, indeed7 evidence of that deep-seatedigno—
rance whi ch is, in most cases, one of the most inde—
lible features of querulous prudery.

Our << Secret Tales >> as we have already hinted,
stand forth as a venture unique in its kind, because
there does not exist, to our knowledge, another edi—
tion in which the genuine popular language flashef
out in such abundance, overflowing with all the bril—
liant and ingenious traits of the man of the people.
/The literature of other nations abounds in secret
stories of the same nature and many of them have
long since seen the light, not perhaps in the form 05
tales, but in that of Songs, Dialogues7 Novelettes,
Farces, Satirical Dramas, Moralities, and Proverbs.
Other nations possess an enormous number of pro-
ductions in Which popular wit, equally free from
all restraint of expression and figure, enlivens With
humour, smites with satire7 or boldly holds up to
laughter, various phases of life.

 

   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
     
   
 
      

—XIV—

Who indeed can for a moment doubt that the jocund
stories of Boccacio were drawn from popular life;
that the innumerable French novellettes and facetiae
emanated from the same source; that the satirical
efforts of the Spaniards; the 5p0tz‘lz'cdcr (1) and the
Sclmmchsc/zrzflcn (2) 0f the Germans; that the mass
of pasquinades, of divers stray sayings in all languages,
which appear in connection with all possible incidents
of public and private life, sprang originally from the
people ?

In Russian literature, it is true, there still exists a
crowd of popular expressions which have not yet been
printed and were 7202‘ clcsz‘z'lzcd to be printed. In the
literature of other nations, such barriers to the lan—
guage of the people have long ceased to exist. Without
going back to classical antiquity, we make take the
. Rag‘z'onamenti of Pietro Aretino, the Capitoli of Franc V
. i I Berni; of Giov. della Casa of Molza; the Rettorz’ca I
‘ (Zellc Putmzizc of Pallavicini; the Alcz'bz‘aa’c Fanciullo l:
a 55014; to say nothing of the intellectual offspring of I
many other Italian writers the Elega/zh'ty Latz‘izi Scr-
mom's of Meursius; the whole series, in French Lite-
rature7 ofthe celebratedjoyensclcg,facet/c5 cz‘folastrcs
imaginations; the famous Rcmc/Z dc piéws 5/101'51'65
par [es 501725 (in Cosmopoliz‘e, — and we see without
doubt that all this mass of FZug5c/zrifz‘cu which as
schade says : << then overflowed the land like a de—
luge (3) >>, that it Was not in that age deemed neces—
sary to hide the printed word beneath the veil of

 

 
 

(1) Bantering songs.
(2) Scandalous pamphlets.
(3) « Damals wie ein Fluth fibers Land fuhreu ».

__XV _.-

startled prudery or under the fig-leaf of a writing
chastened by the censure. Is it necessary to call to
mind the Macaronic lucubrations which were so
highly esteemed from the time of Lorenzo de Medicis
the Magnificent, to that of the Medicis of a more
recent period? It would, finally, be sheer waste of
time to dwell on the fact, that such writings are
solely reserved. for the delectation of bibliophiles,
and that there are entire series of the same kind, the
subjects of which are amply described in special
bibliographies, such as the Bz'blz'otlzcaz Arcana. These
works are known to the book-world under the titles of.
Sz'ng‘ularz’te’s, Curiosa, Ouvmges sur l’Amom’, Sur la
Galantcrie, Facet/w, and so forth. And, far more im-
portant, the noble collection of Pz'stmus mez',
brOught out under the title of Index Librommz Prohi—
biz‘omm, Abscondz'z‘orum and Tace/rzdorzmz, which are
the only books dealing, in an adequate manner7 spe—
cially with English erotic works.

The reproach of gross cynicism, addressed to the
Russian nation, is equivalent to the same reproach
made to all other nations or, in other words, amounts
to no reproach at all7 as being common to all.
{For the erotic contents of the << Secret Russian
Tales>>proves nothing either for or against the morality
of the Russian people. Prominence is simply given to
one side of popular life, which more than any other
excites humour, satire and irony. These stories are de-
livered in a form devoid of art, just as they rolled out
from the lips of the common folk, and are written down
in the coarse-mouthed tale-tellers z'psz'ssz'ma vcrba. It
is that which gives them their distinctive character.

 

 

 

— XVI —‘

Pisanus Fraxi well says : The immoral lubricity
whit]; emanates from the perverted brain of a 7mm of
culture, and [ms for its object the excitement of the
passions, is entirely absent, but the rough, gross fun,
so dear to the uneducated, where each object is called
by its common name, each act or incident told in a
plain unvarnished manner, abounds. They reveal to
us in an interesting and unequivocal way, the feelings,
aspirations, modes of thought, manner of living of
the people Who tell them7 and are possibly one of tlze
most valuable contri/mh’ous to the study offolk—Iorc
which hasycz‘ appeared. >> '

i/ThiS book is not intended for << Tom, Dick or
Harry >> to sniggle and smirk over, but for the Thinker,
and Scholar, and in general those Who see no shame—
fulness in the naturalness of Nature. Words are em-
ployed, it is true, which shock the modest sensibilities
of Western ears; but such crudities, we repeat, are
not used obscenely. The teller of these tales is
unacquainted with circumlocutions, and perhaps
would not use them if he were. Were he more civi—
lized he might be nicer in his speech, but would ine—
vitably acquire worse Vices. Perhaps7 When he learns
<< to speak by the card, his toe may come so near to
the heel of the courtier as to gall his kibe >>. It seems
to the translator that to omit these terms would be
to detract from the value of the book.

This bluntness of speech in the Arabs struck Sir
R.-F. Burton as a praiseworthy quality, yet the Arab
has at his command a copious and poetical tongue,
which affords him a host of synonyms wherewith to
gloss over objectionable words, and the Russian pca-

 

 

 

 

 

 

— XVII —

sant.has next to no literature, and is not—though per—
haps wronglyucredited with much imagination. For
Fletcher, Rochester, 0r Sterne, to employ the words
which occur so often in these tales is an offence
against good taste; but with the Siavi ground—tilier it
is different, for he has no equivalents ready, and is
not hampered by the same considerations as to taste.

In these tales, nothing has been changed or embel—
lished, and nothing added. We merely insist upon
the striking fact, that in the different zones of the
vast Russian empire the same story may crop up
under various aspects. There are numerous different
versions, and doubtless most of them pass {from
mouth to mouth without having been as yet caught
up and put into writing by studious collectors. Those
which we publish have been chosen out of a number
of the most remarkable and characteristic.

’We think that it is superfluous for us to explain
the order in which these tales appear. We wish only
to draw attention to the fact that those in which
animals are made to play a part, give the best possible
evidence ofall the cuteness and vigourous observation
of the peasant. Far from cities, labouring in the open
fields, in the forest or 011 the river7 he has every—
where a profound sympathy with Nature. the VVell—
beloved; he notes with preciseuess, and learns to
enter into the smallest details of the great, simple,
life in the midst of which << he moves and liges and has
his being >>. The phases of this life seized on the quick,
—dumb to the dweller in cities — but full of clo—
quence for him, stamp themselves vividly upon his
imagination and, at Once and without study, we have

 

 
 

 

 
  
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

   

   
  

-— XVIII —

a tale ready to hand, full of life and bright humour.
That portion of the stories which relates to those,
whom the people designate as the stallion race, and
of which for the present we have given but a small
part, sheds a searching light upon the relations
between the 71201117]: and his spiritual pastors and
indicates the true way of understanding the character
Of these latter.

These secret Russian stories, curious from many
points of view beside, are specially remarkable it
seems to us, for the following reason : to the serious
scholar and the profound investigator of the Russian
national character, they supply a vast field of compa-
rison with the almost identical subjects of other tales
found in writers belonging to nations quite aloof
from the Slavonic race. By what road did the tales of
Boccacio, the French satires and farcical stories of the
XVI century penetrate into the remotest corners of
the great Virgin North? How did the Western 720ch-
[62’2‘0 find new life in these Russian 1/0’61'2‘5; what fea- 7
ture have they in common? where are, and whence
proceed, the traces of the influence? of what nature
are the doubts and the conclusions to be drawn from
such an identity?

Leaving the solutions of such questions and of many
others to 0x cat/zedrcf savants, we trust that our
readers will find a good word for the labours of the
worthy gatherers of these tales. On our part, in editing
this rare collection, with the object of snatching it
<< as abrand from (fanatical) burning >> we shall remain,
we presume to think, equally indifferent to praise or
censure.

 

 

-XIX—

Therefore, Without hypocritically assuming a strict
scientific appearance, our volume goes forth7 garbed
in the homely dress of :1 free and rough English ver-
sion, to present to the world that side of the Humour
Of the Russian peasantry, which Lintil to—day had been
enshrined in no print7 and incarnated in 110 book, as
:1 rare, and precious literary treasure for the student
of Human Nature who, in such stories, is able to
recognise invaluable data elucidating certain puzzling,
points of psychology, Which may, after all, be deemed
worth knowing.

END OF THE FOREWORD

 

 

.
_

 

:31.le

XXV. [23.1.1.7 ,v u

 

RUSSIAN
FOLK-LORE STORIES

  
  
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
    
  
  
   
      

 

 

LIST OF RUSSIAN WORDS

WHICH CROP UP NOW AND AGAIN IN THE TEXT (1)

Altar. ——-A sanctuary and a place often witness to seductions.

Baring. — A 10rd7 a gentlemen who Clambers upon his serf’s
daughters.

Bariuya. — A lady, who seeks consolation sometimes in the
robustness of the domestics.

Baflw. — Father (colloquial).

Batooslzim. — Little father (often applied to priests).

Chichi. — Cabbage soup.

Dessyati/le. — A surface measure equal to 2 1/2 acres and
9/10 of a rood. ,

Dyadyoos/zlza. — Little uncle.

Doos/zenlm. — Little soul (term of endearment).
131m. —— Dwelling-place 0f the Russian peasant.
Kas/la. —— Gruel.

AIatoos/zka. —— Little mother.

Popadya. —— \Vife of a priest; and, in these tales, a rare leche—
rous bitch.
Popovim. — Priest‘s daughter; she takes strongly after her pa«
rents for heat of blood. i

Vcrs/zo/c. -— A measure, a trifle over an inch.
Vodka. — Brandy.

(1) We have been obliged to retain these words in the translation, because
no real equivalents for them exist in English.
Other expressions that may occur are explained in loco.

 

SECRET STORIES

OF

RUSSIAN FOLK—LORE

I

The vixen and the hare.

Spring had come, and its influence had aroused
the sexual passions of a hare, who, though not
very brave, was a bit of a rascal. He wandered
through the woods, and determined to pay a
visit to a certain Vixen. When he got to the fox’s
den, she was lying on the stove, and the cubs
were all looking out of window. When she saw
the hare, she said, <( Listen to me, my children.
If that scoundrel comes here, say I am not at
home. It must be the devil sends him here. I
have long owed the villain a grudge; perhaps this
time I shall catch him one way or another. »
Thereupon the vixen hid herself. The hare came

and knocked at the door. « Who is there? » asked
I

 

 

 

 

_2_._

the cubs. << It is I » said the visitor. « How do
you do, my dears? Is your mother at home? »
(1 No, she is not. )) — « That’ s apity, for I came
on purpose to ride her — and now she is not at
home, >> said the hare; and with that he scuttled
off through the wood.

The Vixen had heard all that passed. << Oh,
you son of a bitch, >> she cried. « Wait a bit you
impudent rascal, and I will make you pay dearly
for your impudence. »

She jumped offthe stove, and hid herself behind
the door, expecting that the hare would come
again. Very soon he did come back. << Good day,
my dears; is your mother at home? » he asked
the cubs. « She is not >> « So much the worse, »
replied the hare, « I would have given her her
fill of pleasure. » With that the vixen popped out
and said, (i Good day, my friend. >> The hare
scuttled away as fast as he could, and ran till
he was out of breath, dropping his dirt with
fright7 on the road. The vixen pursued him.
a You shall not escape this time, you ugly
scoundrel, » she cried. She was close upon him.
The hare made a bound, and jumped between
two birch trees, which grew close together. The
Vixen tried to do the same, but she was caught
between the two trees, and could not, do all she
would, go forwards or backwards, though she
used all her efforts to regain her liberty. The
rascally hare looked behind him, and seeing how

 

_. 3 _.
luck had favoured him, he went back and
satisfied his pleasure on the vixen. K That is the
way we do it, » he said. When he had well
trussed her, he ran away as fast as he could.
Not far ,from
there was a cinder
pit, where a peasant
had been making a
fire. The hare ran
and wallowed in the
black dust, till he
looked like a real
monk.Then he went
back to the road,
and walked quietly
along with his ears
down. Very soon
up came the Vixen,
who had at last got
free, and was look—
ing after the hare;
when she saw him
she took him for a
monk. << Good day,

 

holy father, » she séid, << have you seen an ugly
squinting hare, pass this way? >>

<< What hare? The one who gave you such a
doingjust now? >> The Vixen blushed with shame
and returned home as fast as she could. « Oh,
the rascal, » she said, « he has already told

 

 

._ 4 _.._
the story in all the monasteries. » Cunning

as the vixen was, the hare could give her
points.

11

The sparrow and the mare.

In the cow—yard of a peasant’s house was a
whole flock of sparrows. One of them began to
boast t0 the others. a The grey mare, >> he said,
<< is in love with me. She often gives me, sly
glances. Would you like to see me truss her in
the presence of all this honourable company?
<< Yes, we should like to see that, >> replied the
others. The sparrow flew to the mare, and said,

a Good day, my dear little mare. >> (( Good day,
little songster, whatisityour want? >>.« Look here!
I want to ask you to let me... >> << Very well, »

replied the mare; << in our country when ayoung
man keeps company with a girl, it is customary
for him to give her presents, and he buys her
nuts and ginger—bread. But as for you, what
could you give me? >> << Only tell me what you
want. >> (< Very well, go and bring me, grain by

grain, a tchez‘verik 0f oats (I), and then you can
have me. ))

(1) A tc/zetverz'k is nearly three quarters of a bushel.

 

 

_ 5 _

The sparrow set to work, and with much hard
work succeeded at last in collecting a Whole
tchctverfla of oats. Then it went and fluttered
before the mare. << Come along, my dear, the
oats are here. >) But when it said this, the sparrow
did not feel any impatience. « All right, » said
the mare, (< it is no good putting off the business.
I can’t expect to remain chaste all my life, and
the affection ofa fellow like you is not to be des—
pised. Bring the oats, and call your comrades
together; I am not ashamed to let you do what
you like. Sit on my tail, close to my a..e, and
wait till I lift up my tail. »

The mare began to eat the oats, the sparrow
sat on the mare’s tail, and the other sparrows
waited to see What would happen : the mare
ate and ate, then it lifted up its tail and the
sparrow quickly got into its backside. The mare
squeezed him with her tail, and hurt him terribly.
However, when she had finished eating, she
began to fart. The sparrow came Out in a hurry,
and went and bragged to its comrades. << That is
the way we fellows do it! The mare could not
stand it any longer; did you hear how she
farted? »

 

 

III

The bear and the peasant woman.

A peasant woman was working‘in a field; a,
bear saw her, and said to himself. << Only think.
I have never fought with a woman. I wonder
whether they are stronger than men! I have over-
thrown plenty of men, but I never had anything
to do with a woman. » He came up to the peasant
woman and said, << I want to fight you. >> << But
suppose you should happen to rend me, Michael
Ivanovitch? >> « Why in that case I would give
you a hive full of honey. >> << Very well. Let us
fight. << The bear seized the woman in his paws.
and threw her on the ground. She threw her
legs in the air, opened them wide, and said to
him, a See What you have done! How can I
show myself at home now? What shall I say to
my husband? >) The bear looked, and saw a
great split. It was evidently his handiwork! He
did not know what to do. Just then a bare ran
by. << Wait a moment, >> cried the bear, << Stop,
and then come here. >> The hare obeyed. The
bear took the woman by the lips of her vulva,
pulled them together, and told the hare to hold
them whilst he hurried off to the wood to get
some strips of bark. He came back with such a

-‘»t~_ mamm, ~-,\«.~~~¢-—-- ~ . -—— .9. NV“, -»‘ w ‘ .. y- .\ -\....- .»

 

_ 7 _
big bundle that he could scarcely carry it. He
wanted to sew up the slit he had made. He
threw the bark 0n the ground, but the woman
was frightened, and let a fart, which made the
hare jump five feet away. « Why 100k, Michael
Ivanovitch, she is split all round. » « Yes, now
she is cracked on both sides, >> said the bear, and
ran away as fast as possible.

IV
The wolf.

A peasant had a sow Which brought forth a
litter of twelve pigs. He shut her up in a stye,
the walls of Which were made of brushwood
pegged together. The next day the peasant went
to look at his pigs ; he counted them, and found
there was one missing. The following day he
found another sucking pig had disappeared.
Who took them? The old man passed the night
in the stye and watched. Out of the wood came
a wolf which came straight to the stable, turned
its back to the door7 put its tail through a hole,
and, began to rub it in the floor of the stye.
Attracted by the noise, the little pigs left their
mother and came to the door to sniff at the
wolf's tail. Then the wolf turned round, put its
snout in at the hole from which it had just

 

 

—8——

taken its tail, grabbled one of the young pigs,
and carried it off to the woods.

The next evening the peasant came back to the
pig-house, and seated himself close to the door.
When it was quite pitch dark, the wolf came
again, and tried the same trick as before, but as
soon as it had slipped its tail in at the door, the
peasant seized it with both hands, and putting
his feet against the door began to cry with all
his might << Tu! Tu! Tu ! >>.. The wolf made des—
perate endeavours to get free, and struggled so
hard that at last its tail came off. The animal
ran away, but it lost so much blood, that when
it had gone twenty yards, it fell on the ground,

and died. The peasant flayed it, and sold the
skin.

\

V

The peasant, the bear, the fox,
- the gad—fly.

The peasant did not know what to do to escape
from his enemies. All at once an idea came to
him ; he seized his wife in his arms, and threw
her on the ground. << Be quiet >>, said her hus—
band, and without letting her go, he pulled off
her gown and her shift; then he raised her legs
in the air as high as he could. The bear saw that

 

_ 9 __
the peasant was hurting a woman. << No, friend
fox >>, he said (< you and the gad—fly may say what
you like, but nothing in the world shall persuade
me to come near that peasant. » << Why not? »
<< Look for yourself, and see how he is ill treat—
ing that poor woman. >> Then the fox looked,
and said; << You are right. I‘m sure he is break—
ing her legs. >> The gad—fly looked in his turn.
(( It’s not that at all >>, he said at last. << He
is putting a straw up her a..e >>. They all agreed
that it would be dangerous to attack the man,
but the gad—fly was nearer the truth than the
others. The bear, and the fox ran off into the
wood, and the peasant returned home safe and.
sound.

VI

The cat and the Vixen.

A peasant had driven out of his house a ruttish
cat, which had gone to live in the woods. In
this wood also lived a whorish Vixen who was
always sporting with the wolves and the bears.
She met the cat, and they began to talk about
this and that. << Kotofei Ivanovitch », said the
Vixen, « you are a bachelor, and I am not
mafried; take me for your wife. » The cat
consented. They made a great feast, and after

 

 

that indulged in amorous Sports. The cat
mounted on the vixen, but tore her with his
Claws more than he caressed her. However he
continued to cry out : « Again, again, again! »
<< What a curious being n, said the vixen. << he

never has enough. »

 

 

_11_

VII
The louse and the flea.

A louse met a flea. « Where are you going P »
<< I am going to pass the night in a woman’s slit. n
<< And I am going into a WOman’s backside. »
They parted. The next day they met again.
<< Well, how did you sleep? n asked the louse
<< Oh, don’t talk about it. I was so frightened. A
kind of bald head came to me and hunted me
about. I jumped here and there, but he continued
to pursue me. At last he spat on me and went
away. » << Well, gossip, there were two persons
knocking about outside the hole I was in. I hid
myself, and they continued to push about, but at
last they went away. »

VIII
The wood-pecker.

A peasant woman caught a wood—pecker, and
put it in a cage. When her husband came home,
she told him how she had caught the bird.
<< Where is this wood—pecker? You have not let
it fly away, have you P >> asked he. << I put it in
a cage >), replied the woman. << Very good! I

 

 

_12_
a

will soon settle its business I I am going to eat
it alive. >> He opened the cage, but as he was
going to give the first bite, the wood—pecker flew
into his mouth, ran through his. body and put
its Shead out of his a..e and began to cry, << I‘m
alive! I’m alive! » Then it disappeared, but
showed itself again soon afterwards, and repeat—
ed the same phrase. It gave the 'peasant n0

‘rest, and, finding himself much troubled, he

said to his wife, (< Get a cudgel. I will go on
my hands and knees, and when the wood-pecker~
shows itself, give it a good crack on the head ».
He went down on all fours, and his wife took
a thick stake, brandished it, and brought it
down as soon as the wood—pecker’s head appear-
ed, but instead of hitting the bird, she bruised
the peasant’s backside. Vv’hat was to be done?
The poor man could not get rid of the wood—
pecker, which continued to poke its head out of
his a..e and cry, (< I’m alive! I’m alive! »
(r Take a very sharp scythe >>, said the moztfz'k
to his wife. << I will again go down on all fours,
and as soon as the wood-pecker’s head carries
out, cut it off. )> The woman took the scythe,
and her husband went down on his hands and
knees. No sooner had the bird’s head appeared,
that the woman tried to cut it off, but she hand—
led the weapon clumsily, and only wounded the
moujlk’s a..e. Then the bird flew away, and
the peasant died from loss of blood.

 

1K
The vagina and the a..e.

A dispute arose one day between the c..t and
the a..e, and God only knows What a fuss
they made. The vagina said to the a..e, (( You
had better hold your tongue, you scoundrel‘.
You know that I receive a nice Visitor every
night, and all the time you make an horrible
stench. >> « Oh, miserable slit >>, replied the
a..e. << When you are being futtered, the spit
falls upon me, and I have to hold my tongue. ))
All this happened in the good old days before
knives were invented, and a man out his meat
With his tool.

X
Wash the bottom.

Once upon a time there lived a man and his
wife; one day when the woman served her hus-
band with his dinner, he began to beat her,
and cried, << Wash the bottom ; wash the bottom. >)
She went and washed her backside, and scrubbed
it with sand, and rubbed it with a towel till the
blood came. But as soon as she came back to
the table, her husband again began to beat her
and to cry, << Wash the bottom'

7

wash the

 

 

bottom! >> The woman went and complained to
her aunt. << I don’t know what is the matter7
aunt >>, she said, << but as soon as I lay the

table, my husband beats me, and cries, << Wash

 

the bottom; wash the bottom. Yet I do wash my
backside well, and rub it till the blood comes. »
—— << What a fool you are ; itis not your bottom
that he means, but the bottom of the cup. »
‘Nhen the woman washed the bottom of the

cup, her husband ceased to beat her.

 

__..Is___.

XI
Bad, not bad.

A dog sat on a millstone which floated on the
water; his head hung down, his tail was between
his legs, he whined and licked his paws. << Have
you passed by the bishop’s house? >> Yes; the
horses are saddled, the men are mounted, they
are blowing trumpets, but the devil knows what
they" are celebrating. They say the bishop is
being married to a dun mare... Have you seen
Rostoff’s bear? Yes. What is it like? Grey. Is
it a bear? G0,. and f..k yourself! Don't say
stupid things; it is a wolf. — Will you hold your
tongue; in our country the wolf skulks in the

woods and shakes his ears. — It is a hare.
M... (Ii
XII
The fool.

A peasant had a son who was very stupid. The
young man wanted to get married, and sleep
with a woman, and began to worry his father.’
a Let me get maried, papa. » —— «Wait a bit, my

(1) Different versions of this not over choice nursery
jingle are found in various districts. The last word is the

mat dc Cambromze.

 

 

—I6m

son, >) said the father. << It is too soon for you to
get married yet: your tool does not yet reach
to your a..e; when it does, you shall be mar-
ried. » Then the youth took his member, and
pulled it as hard as he could, and then looked,
and saw that his father had told the truth.
« Indeed, » he said, << it is too soon for me to get
married, my member is not big enough yet, it
does not reach to my a..e. I must wait a year
or two >>. The time passed, and the fool thought
only of lengthening his member. At last he suc-
ceeded; his member not only reached to his
a..e but passed it. << Now >) said the young
man, << I can marry without shame. I have
enough to satisfy my Wife, and she will have no
need to go With other men. » What sense can you
expect from a fool? thought his father to him-
self, and he answered the young man; << Very
well, my son, since your member has grown
so that it reaches your a..e, all you have to do
is to marry yourself; remain a bachelor, con—
tinue to live here, and roger yourself with your
own tool. >) — So ends the story.

XIII
The pike’s head.

A young peasant girl went one day to harrow
in her father’s field. She had worked some time,

 

_..I7_

when she was called home to eat some fritters.
She left the horse arid the harrow in the field.
-« As I am coming back, they may as well stay
there, >> she thought to herself. But the neigh—
bour had a son who was a fool. For a long time
past this youth had had his eye on the girl, but
did not know how to accomplish his ends.
Seeing the horse and the harrow, he jumped
over the hedge, unharnessed the animal, and led
it into his field; the harrow he let alone, but he
pushed the shafts through the hedge, and put the
horse in the thills again.

Great was the surprise of the girl, when she
came back to the field. << What is the meaning
of this? The harrow is one side of the hedge,
and the horse on the other. » She began to
whip the poor horse. << What the devil are you
doing there? You got out of the field, you must
get in again; come over, quick. >> The young
man heard her and laughed. » If you like, I will
help you, » he said, <( only, in return allow me
to... >> << Very well >>, replied the cunning girl.
She hadnoticed, on the ground, the head of a dead
pike, with its mouth gaping wide open; she pick-
ed it up, and hid it in her sleeve. (1 I will not
come to you » she said to the young man, << nor
must you come over here, for fear somebody
should see us. Pass your affair through the
hedge, and I will put it, you know where. »
The young man hastened to do as she said;

2

 

 

—18——

the girl took'the pike’s head, opened the jaws,
and placed the head on the object he presented to
her. Feeling a severe pain, the young man pull—
ed away his member all bleeding, and ran away
home, and sat‘down in a corner. << Confound
the girl, » he said, « her... bites most terribly.
I only hope my wounds will heal. Never again
will I go after a girl. ))

Some time afterwards the parents of this
youth thought of marrying him; they betrothed
him to the neighbour’s daughter, and the mar-
riage took place. One day, two days, three days,
passed, then a week, two weeks, three weeks:
and the young man was still afraid to touch his
wife. About this time the couple went to see the
bride’s mother. During the journey, the young
woman said to her husband. (< Listen to me, my
dear Danitouchka. \Vhy, as you have married
me, do you never have connection with me? If
you cannot do it, what need was there to make
my life miserable? >> << No >>, replied Danilo, (( you
Will not catch me again. Your slit bites. You
made me smart so much then, that I thought I
should never be cured. » << You are joking » she
replied; (< then I served you a trick, but now
you need not be afraid. Go on; try here, in the
sledge; you will find it nice. >> Excited by these
words, the young man tucked up his wife’s
gown. << Wait a bit, Varioukha )>, he said: « let
me first tie your legs; and then if it begins to

 

—I9—

bite, I can get away. << With that he undid the
reins, and knotted them round the naked thighs
of Varioukha. He was a fine strong man, and
he assailed her with such violence, that she utter—
ed loud cries. The horse was a young one; he
took fright and started Off at full gallop; Danilo
rolled out on the ground, and Varioukha, car—
ried away at full speed, arrived, with her thighs
still naked, in her mother’s courtyard.

The old woman was looking out of window;
she recognised her son-in—law’s sledge. << No
doubt » she said, << he has brought some beef
for the feast. » She went out, and found it was
her daughter. a Oh, mother, » cried the young
woman, << untie me quickly, that no one may see
me in this condition. » When she was untied,
the old woman began to question her. << Where
is your husband? v « The horse threw him out
of the sledge >)

They entered the z'gba, and looking through
the window, they saw Danilo coming. The
children were playing at knuckle—bones in the
court; he approached them, then stopped, and
looked round. The mistress sent her eldest
daughter to bring him to the house. The girl
came to her brother—in—law. << Good day, Danilo

Ivanitch, >> she began. << Good day. >> « Come into
the house, ve are only waiting for you. )) << Is
Varvara here? >> << Yes. >) << Is she still bleeding! ))

The girl spat at him, and went away. The old

 

 

_20...

woman then sent out her daughter—in—law to
welcome the visitor. « Come along, Daniou-
chka »7 she said; << the blood has long since
stopped. >> She led him to the house, where he
was received by his mother—in-law, who said to
him, << You are welcome, my dear son—in—law. »
<< Is Narvara here P» he asked. (< Yes >). << Is she
still bleeding. >> << That is finished, long ago >>.
At these words Danilo pulled his member out of
his trousers, showed it to his mother—in—law,
and said: << Look, 77zaz‘ouchkfl, I buried all that
dagger in her body. >> << Come along, come
along; sit down, it is dinner—time. << They sat at
table and everyone began to eat and drink. An
omelette was brought in, and the fool wanted it
all to himself, so he hit on an ingenidus strata—
gem. He pulled out his yard, hit it on the top
with his spoon, and said, << Look here; the whole
of this dagger has been in Varioukha’s body >>
and then he began to cut the omelette with his
spoon. Naturally, all the guests left the table;
Danilo eat up all the omelette; after which he
thanked his mother-in—law for her hospitality.

XIV
An unfortunate marriage.

A Cossack couple had a son called Gritzko;
and whilst he was minding the sheep on the

 

_._21_._

steppes, his father and mother talked about him.
a Old woman, we must marry Gritzko. >) << All
right, let him be married. >> The parents sent for
their son. << Good day panotchc (1) >>, said the
servant Who was sent to fetch him, << your
father wants to see you. >) Having arrived at
the house, the young man found the two old
people, who welcomed him with these words.
<< Grood day, my son, how are you? » << Thank
God I am fairly well, papa and mamma; but
why have you sent for me? >> « Look here >>, said
the father : << your mother and I are now 01d,
and you must get married » << I won’t. I will go
back to the steppes. >> << Wait a bit; don‘t be
frightened; we will consult some worthy people
and hear what they say. >> << Very good. >> The
worthy people were consulted and advised the
parents to give their son six sacks of corn, and
send him to market. << Instruct him », they said,
« not to sell it either to the ]e\vs, nor the mer—
chants, nor old women; but he is to sell it only
to young girls, and to ask for a grind as the price
of a sack. >>

When he returned home, the 01d Cossack said
to his son << Gritzko, take oxen, yoke them to
the cart, and take six sacks ofcorn to the market;
only you are not to sell it to jews, nor merchants,

(1) Son of apmz 0r gentleman, a polite-expression used
in the Ukraine when addressing a young man.

 

 

 

 

__22_

s

nor old women ; sell it to young girls. » The lad
put to the oxen, placed six sacks of corn in the
cart, and went to the town. On coming near the
market, he met a Jew, who said, << Good day,
panotche, what have you to sell? )) a Nothing
at all, Jew. » The young man was then accosted
by a merchant. « What have you to sell, pano-
l‘che? >> << Nothing at all. >> Then a young girl
passed, and asked the same question7 « What
have you to sell? » << Corn )>, he replied. << How
much have you! >> << Six sacks >>, (< And what are
you asking for that! >> « A grind. » « Can’t you
take less? << asked the girl, surprised at such a
demand. » No; that’s the lowest price 2 if you
give me a grind, I will give you my wheat. »
<< Bring your sacks to my house ». They set
out. When they came to the door of the house,
Gritzko asked Where he should put the sacks.
The girl showed him the place, Went into the
house, prepared a repast and then called the
young man. « Come here, panotche » He came
to her. « Very well, panotclze, do with me what
you like ». Gritzko soon profited by this permis-
sion, and when he had satisfied his passion, he
thanked the girl for her kindness. She replied,
<< Thank the Holy Father >>.

When the lad arrived home, his parents asked
him, << Have you sold the corn, my son? >> << I
have sold it >> << For what price P » a For a
grind >> << Did you find that nice my son? >>

 

._ 03—. w

« Better than I can describe » << Very good, my
son ; get married and you can have that pleasure
with your wife. » << If that is the case I am ready
to be married >> « All right, wold oman >>, said

 

the father, « God be praised, our Gritzko con—
sents to be married. » The old couple sent a
(( matrimonial agent » t0 arich peasant. (< May
God aid you! » said this woman as she entered
the z'gboz. << Good day, grandmother. )) << What

 

 

 

good news have you to day? » << I have a pur-
chaser for your merchandise. >> The << agent »
at once obtained for Gritzko, the hand of Gapka,
the daughter of the moujz'k. A groom’s man
was Chosen, the friends were invited, they went
to the church, the marriage was celebrated, and
the rest of the day was spent in feasting. Then
the couple was conducted to the bridal chamber.
« Listen to me, Gritzko » said the grobm’s man
to the newly married husband, (< do you know
where to futter? >> « VVhy should I not know? »
<< “Tell, where is it? >> << On the bed. >> (( No,
you are joking, it is where the hair is. » << Very
good )). The guests left the newly married couple,
alone together, and returned to finish the feast.
When he had been lying some time with Gapka,
Gritzko wanted to futter. He began to £ee1 about
the furniture and on the shelves, but he could not
find what he thought. In the room was a bracket,
very high up, and on this was hung a brush.
Seeing this, Gritzko climbed on the bracket,
stretched out his arm, and began to feel the
brush. << No >>, said he << there is nothing there to
futter >> But he was afraid to get down from the
bracket. The groom’s man came to wake up the
couple « Good day, young Gritzko >> said he, as
he knocked at the door « Good day » replied
Gritzko who was still sitting astride 0n the
bracket. (< “7e11, Gritzko, did you find the
hair? >> << Yes » << Did you mount on it? >>

 

“25..—

<< Yes; and the devil of it is I am there still. >>

<< Let go and tumble of. >> The young man
obeyed this advice, and7 in falling, hurt his
head, and made it bleed. \( “Tell », said the
groom’s man, << have you slipped off? >> <( Yes ))

<1 Does it bleed? » « Certainly it does. Open the
door I >> As soon as the door was opened, Gritzko
rushed out of the' house, and ran towards the
steppes where his sheep were pastured. As he
passed before the court of the pope’s house,
the dogs ran out at him. The young man ran
away, and took refuge in the church, Which was
full of people, for it was a Sunday. << \Vhat a
lot of people the dogs have caused to take refuge
here >>, thought Gritzko, surprised to see such
a crowd. << They are talking in a 10w voice, and
they are saluting; what does that mean? 3) Soon
he saw the pope Clad in a gold chasuble. The
priest advanced bowing, and accompanied by a
large procession. He came near Gritzko. << What
is this? » said the latter to himself; (< he is
throwing fire on the people. >) Finding the pope
Close to him, Gritzko said, << Gently, b01760, do
not burn my eyes. >> The pope did not appear
to have heard these words. Then the young man
pushed him so Violently that he fell on the
ground, and, directly, fifty people assailed the
fool. He managed to get out of their hands;
and fled to the Steppes, much astonished at having
had to defend himself against people, who, just

 

 

_.26_

before, had been prodigal in their saiutations to
him.

Gapka, however, felt sad without her little
man, and wept. She was advised to go and find
Gritzko on, the Steppes where he was minding
his sheep by the side of a pond. << You will say to
him : << Can one bathe here my little man P >>
and he will reply, << Why not? You can bathe
very well! » You inust say » << But perhaps the
water is very deep, you get in first », and then
the affair will be settled.

Gapka went to the steppes. << Good morning,
panotclze n, she said when she met Gritzko
Close to the pond. << Good morning 3), he
replied. << Can I bathe here, my little man? >>
she asked. « Why should you not? >> —— << But
perhaps the pond is very deep; you set me the
example. »1At this Gritzko pulled off his shirt
and trousers, and walked into the pond. << You
see >>, he said, a it is only up to my knees. »
Gapka, in her turn, undressed and walked into
the pond. << What is that? n she asked7 fixing
her eyes on the tool of the young man. << A roll
of tobacco >>, he replied. (< What is it for? What
do you do with it? » « I piss, ‘» << And what do
you give it to eat? >> — « Why, nothing » << That
is why it is so thin >>. Gritzko, on his side, had
noticed Gapka’s slit and asked, << And what is
that you have there? » << A pouch » a What is the
use ofit? » « To hold tobacco. Put yours into it

 

_27_

and try n a Oh, it would bite me. I am afraid >)
« No, it shall not bite you. » After a little
hesitation, the lad consented to put his tobacco
into Gapka's pouch, and she helped him as
much as she could. Gritzko was very pleased
with the operation, so he left the steppes very
soon, and ran home. << Papa! mammal » he
cried, as soon as he had entered the house;
« where is my Wife? » <( VVhy do you want
her? )) (( I want to futter her. >) <( She Will
come » The young woman was well pleased,
nevertheless she said to her husband, << Wait till
after dinner, my mother has made some fritters »
— « No, I am not hungry », replied Gritzko.
(( let us put the tobacco into the pouch n7 — and
from words he quickly proceeded to deeds.

A little while afterwards Gapka complained of
feeling ill. << What shall I (10? >> asked the young
man. << Good old people have told me, >> she
replied, u that if our neighbour’s ox licks my
a..e, that would perhaps cure me; go and ask
him to lend it. >> Gritzko went to the neigh—
bour’s house << Can your ox come and lick my
wife’s a...e? » —<< Certainly. >> He came home and
told Gapka : « The neighbour is going to bring his
ox. » The young woman tucked up her Clothes,
placed herself close to the window with her
backside exposed and, whilst her husband sup—
ported her, Ivachka, the neighbour’s son, with
whom she had previously agreed on the matter,

 

 

_28._

drove away the fever by means of a remedy
you can easily guess. << Well, how are you? >>
asked Gritzko. — << I feel rather relieved. >>

A little time afterwards, Gritzko himself feel
in. « Wife, » he said, « g0 and ask theneigh—
bour to let his ox come and lick my a.. e n Gapka
soon came back with the animal. << Come, and put
yourself in the proper position at the window.
Gritzko took off his trousers, but, no sooner had
he presented his posteriors that the ox tossed

him in the air with its horns.

 

 

A timorous young girl.

Two young peasant girls were talking together.
<< I am like you, my dear. I will never be
married. >> — << What need is there for us to be
married? After all, we are our own mistresses. >>
—— « Have you ever seen, my clear, the instru—
ment they push through us? >> —- << Yes. >> —
<< Well, is it big? >> ——- Ah, my Child, there are
some which are positively as big as a fist. >> -—
<< But that is enough to kill us. n -—- (< To give
you an idea of the thing will you let me try
with this bit of straw? » -— The one to whom this
proposal was made, lay on the ground, and her
friend introduced a straw into her genital parts.
— « Oh, that hurts me. ))

Some time afterwards, the father of one of
the two young girls obliged her to choose a hus-
band. When she had passed two nights in the
conjugal bed, the newly made bride came to see
her friend. (( Good morning, my dear! >> —— The
other began to load her With questions. << Well >>
replied the Visitor, « if I had only known what
it was like, I should never have obeyed either
my father or my mother. I thought really I was
about to die, and I can assure you I am not
exaggerating. >> This speech so frightened the

 

 

other young woman that she swore she would
remain a virgin. (< I will never be married, »
she said, << unless my father compels me, and
uses force, and even in that case I will only
marry as a matter of form, and will Choose
some man who is not completely furnished. »

Now there was in the village a youth who was
extremely poor; he was too beggarly to be able
to make a good match, and yet he wanted to
marry some rich girl. Having overheard the con-
versation we have just read, this young man
resolved to profit by it. << If ever I get a chance
to speak to that little fool of a girl, I will tell
her that I have no tool, >> he decided. It happen—
ed one day that as the girl was going to church,
she saw this lad who was leading his sorry nag
to water. The poor beast stumbled at every
step, and looked so starved that the girl laughed
to see it. Just at this minute the horse began to
ascend a small, steep hill, but it fell and rolled
to the bottom. The young man was furious; he
seized the animal by the tail, and began to flog
it pitilessly. << Get up, or I’ll flay you! » he
shouted. —— << Why do you so ill—treat your mare,
you wicked man? » asked the girl. He lifted up
the mare’ s tail, and fixing his eyes on what he
there saw, answered, << “That am I do with her?
I would give her a good futtering, but I have not
the wherewithal. ))

When she heard these words, the peasant girl

 

—‘3I—

pissed for joy, and said to herself, << That is the
husband, the Lord has given me as a reward for
my simplicity. >> She returned home, sat in the
corner the farthest away from the door, and
never opened her lips. Every one else sat down
to dinner; they called her, but she replied, as
though vexed, « I am not hungry. » —— << What
is the matter Douniouchka? >> asked her mother.
— << Come, come! why are you sulking s0?
Perhaps you want to get married? )) said the
father in his turn. The girl was thinking only of
marrying the young man who had no yard. -——
a If I marry with anyone it will only be with
Ivan; but whether you consent to let me marry
him or not, I will never be the wife of any other
man, >) she told her parents. — << What are you
thinking of, you fool? Have you lost your senses?
With him you would be reduced to beggary! »
—— << No doubt that will be my fate. But if you
do not let me have him for my husband, I will
throw myself into the water, or hang myself.
What was to be done? The old man7 who until
then, had never allowed this poor devil of an Ivan
to enter his presence, was obliged to go to him
and offer him his daughter's hand. On entering,
he found the young man engaged in cobbling
an old shoe made of bast. << Good morning, Iva—
nouchkal » -— << Good morning, old man. )) —-.
<< What is that you are doing? >> —— (( I am
mending my old shoes. >> —— << Shoes of bark

 

 

32

least! you should buy some new boots. » — << It
was as much as I could do to get together fifteen
kopecks to buy bark bast; how then could I

procure boots? n —— a But why do you not get
married, Vania? >> — << \Vho would give me his
daughter in marriage? » —- << If you like I will

give you mine. Kiss me on the mouth. >>

The business was settled. The wedding was
celebrated with great pomp, and after a copious
repast7 the groom’s man conducted the young
[couple to the nuptial chamber, were he left them.
Ivan soon showed his wife that there was nothing
wanting to him. << Fool and idiot that I am! n
thought Dounia, when she had received sensible
proofs of her husband’s Virility. << I have made
a nice mess of it! Since this was to happen to
me, I might as well have married a rich man!
But how did he procure a yard? I must find
out that; and addressing her husband, she said,
<< Listen to me, Ivanoutchkal “There did you get
that yard? >) — rz I borrowed it for a night
from my uncle. >> —- << Ah, my dear7 ask him to
lend it you again for another night! >>

The following night, the young woman again
spoke on the same subject. a Ah, my dear, ask
your uncle if he cannot sell you his yard; but
make a good bargain. >> — << Be it so : I will
try to buy it. )) He went to his uncle, and gave him
a hint how to act, and then returned to his wife.
<< Well? >> she asked. —— a What can I say? I have

 

4-mi- __.__“,, -._ ._

_. 33 __
not been able to arrange with him. He will not
dispose of it for less than three hundred roubles,
and that is beyond my means. Where am I to get
such a sum? » —— << Very well, ask him to lend
it you again for a night; to morrow I will get
the money from my father, and we .will buy it
outright. >> —— << No; you go to him yourself; it
would embarrass me to have to ask again. » -—
Dounia went to the uncle ; on entering the
z'gba, she prayed to God, and made a low bow.
<< Good morning, my little uncle. >) —— (( Good
morning. What good news is there? » —— « I am
ashamed, my little uncle, of the errand which
has brought me to you, but there is no good in
hiding it. I have come to beg you to lend your
yard to Ivan for anot her little night. » .

The uncle reflected a minute, then nodded his _
head, and said, << I will lend it to him ; but he
must take great care of it, as it does not belong
to him. » —- (< VVe will be very careful ofit, my
little uncle : look! here is my cross as a pledge!
And to—morrow, without fail, we will buy it. >>
— << Very well, then send Ivan to me. n —- She
bowed to the ground, and returned home. The
next day she went to her father, and made him
give her three hundred roubles, and bought
herself a good serviceable‘yard.

 

 

.___)4_

XVI
The hot cock.

A moujik had a daughter, who said to him
one day, << Batchouka, Vanka has asked me to
let him futter me. )) — « Oh, Villain, >> replied
the father, « why should you let yourself be fut-
tered by a stranger? I can do that for you
myself. >> He took a nail, made it red-hot in the
stove, and inserted it in his daughter’s coynte so
well that she could not piss for three months.
A little later Vanka again met the young pea-
sant girl, and said to her, << Let me futter you! )>
— << You are joking, Vanka, you devil. My
father futtered me, and so burned my yulva,
that I have not been able to piss for three

months. >> —— << Don’t be afraid, you fool; my
cock is cold. » — << You lie, Vanka, you devil.
(jive me hold of it, and let me feel >). —— << There!

feel it. » She took the young man’ 5 yard, and
cried. « What a lying devil you are! It is hot;
put it into water. >> Vanka did so, but this gave
him a belly—ache, and caused him to let a fart.
(( How it hisses when the water touches it, »
said the peasant girl, ; << I was sure that it was
burning. And you tried to deceive me, you ras-
cal, >> So Vanka found his loving request refused.

 

XVII

(This 1's not a story, but a number ofpro-
zwl’bs, ofa pmmz‘ng nature, which could not
be translated well her. We have endeavoured
2‘0 give some idea of this morceau‘ in the
APPENDIX.)

XVIII

(Here is inserted a beggars’ song, quite
devoid of interest, and which would also
be difficult to translate here, and is therefore
thrown in at the end.)

XIX

Family conVersations.

A moujik had a wife, a daughter, and two
sons, both of tender years. The mother one day
went to the baths with the children, collected the
dirty linen, and began to wash it. She was
leaning over the trough With her back turned to
the urchins. They lookedJ and laughed at what
they saw. << Oh, Andriouchka, jusQook! mamma
has two slits. » -— « What nonsense you talk,

 

 

-36—

there is but one, only it is divided into two. »
— (( Oh, those dirty young devils, » grumbled
the peasant woman, a how knowing they are. n
—— She went home, and lay down on the stove
with her daughter and the following conversa-
tion took place. << Well, my daughter, » said
the mother, a the time is near when you must
get married; and then you will live with your
husband and not with us. » ~— << If that is the
case, I will not be married. >> —— (< Go to! you
are foolish. What are you afraid of? So far from
frightening good girls, marriage gives them plea—
sure. » —— (( Why! When you have passed a
night with your husband you will not regret
having left your father and mother for him; he
will seem to you better than honey and sugar. »
—— << What is there so good about him, malouch—
lea? » -— « Oh, how foolish you are! When
you were little did you not go to the baths with
your father? » — (( Yes, » replied the young
girl. —— « Did you notice what your father carried
at the bottom of his belly? » — (< Yes, mother. »
—— << Well, it is that, that is so nice. )) —
(( Then » observed the daughter, « if that peg
were split, so as to make five, it would be better
Still. »

On hearing these words, the father, who was
sleeping under the shed, could not restrain his
anger. « Oh, the Villains, » he cried << what are
they talking about? I cannot cut my tool into

 

 

MM... m. ., ”WT“ ,

little bits to please you. >> — The girl, however,
began to reflect deeply on the matter. — (( One
tool is not enough, and two would not go in;

the best way would be to twist them together, so
that they could both be put in at once. »

XX

The first interview between a lover-
‘ and his lass.

An old man had a son who had come to full
age; and another old man had a daugter of
nubile years. They thought of marrying them
together. << Look here, Ivanouchka, » said the
father of the young man. << I wish to marry you
to my neighbour’s danghter. Try to meet her,
accost her politely, and come to an understanding
with her. » — The other old man said to his
daughter, « Come, Machourka; I wish to give you
in marriage to my neighbour’s son. When you meet
him, speak kindly to him, and establish friendly
relations with him.

The two young people met in the street, and
wished each other good day. << My father has
ordered me, Ivanouchka, to make your acquain—
tance, )) began the young girl. » — « And mine
has laid the same command upon me, » answered

 

 

~38—

the 1ad. — (( How shall we begin? Where do
you sleep, Ivanouchka? » —— « In the vestibule. ))
— And I sleep in the ambar (I). Come and
see me at night, and we can talk together. » ——
Ivanouchka kept the appointment, and, lay
down by the side of Machourka, ~— (< Did you
pass by the side of the goummo (2)? n she asked
him. —— << Yes. » _ (( Well, did you see a heap
Of dung. » -— (( Yes. )) —— <( I sh... t all that. »
— << It is a good heap. » —— « What are we to do
to come to a good understanding? I must first
see if you have a good tool. » —— (( Look here, ))
said he, unbuttoning his trousers. << In that res-
pect I am well furnished. n — « But it is too
big for me, look how narrow I am. » -—— << Let
me try if it will fit. »

The act suited the words. At first the girl
began to cry With all her might. (( Oh, it hurts
me. How it bites. >>—— << Don’ t be afraid; there
is not room enough for it; that is why it is so
angry. » -— << See! I was right when I said there
was no room for it. n — « Wait a bit, just now
it will be more at its ease. » -— When she began
to enjoy it, Machourka cried, << Oh7 my soul,
with such a treasure you could gain much
money. » — At last they fell asleep. She woke up
in the night, and kissed her lover’s backside,

(1‘; The granary, or store room.
(2) Place where the mill-stones are kept.

 

thinking it was his face. The young man, who
had supped well, broke wind. << Oh, Vanka, ))
said Machourka, (( your breath is contaminated >>
(lit. scorbutic).

 

XXI

The moujiks and the Barine.

A Bm’z‘nc went one Sunday to mass. Whilst he
was praying to God, a moujz'k came, andvstood in
front of him7 and this son of adog let fly a most fe-

 

 

ted stench. << What a rascal! How he stinks! »
thought the barmc, and he approached the pea-
sant, and having first pulled out a silver rouble,
[said to him << Look here, moujik! Was it you who
made that terrible stench? » The moujik, seeing
a rouble in the gentleman’s hand, did not hesitate
to reply, << Yes, barine. » —— « All right, my
friend, here is a rouble for you. » —— The moujik
took the money, and said to himself, (( Certainly
the barine must greatly like that kind of smell.
I must go to the Church every Sunday, and stand
by the side of him, and each time I shall get a
rouble. » — The mass being over, the faithful
returned to their homes. The peasant went to his
neighbour, and told him his adventure. « Well,
my friend, » said the latter, << on Sunday next I
will go to the church with you. The two of us will
be able to make even a worse stink, and he will
give us both money. »

The next Sunday, they went together to the
mass, placed themselves in front of the baring,
and the Church was soon filled with a most hor-
rible stench. << Look here, my children, » said the
baring to them I was it you who farted so well? »
——- « Yes, sir. » — << Very well; I thank you, and
I am sorry I have no money with me at present,
but you shall not lose thereby, my children. When

the mass is over, dine copiously, and then come
to my house and fart away, and I will pay you for
all at once. » — a Very good, barmc, we will

 

both come to Your Grace’s castle presently. »
_ The service being finished, the moujiks went
and dined, and after they had stuffed themselves,
they went to the barine’s castle. But he had pre-
pared for them a present of rods and sticks. On
seeing the two peasants appear, he said to them,
(( \Vell7 my children, have you come to fart? >>—
« Yes, sir. » — Thank you, thank you I But first
of all, my boys, you must take off your clothes,
for you are thickly covered, and your clothes
wouldintercept the odour. n —— T he moujz'les took
oif all they had on their bodies, —— sarrau,
waistcoat, trousers, and shirt; Then the baring
made a. sign to his servants; the visitors were .
seized, laid on the floor, and each received five
hundred blows of the stick on his back. It was
with great difficulty that the two peasants could
limp home, though they started in such a hurry
that they never thought of taking their Clothes.

XXII

The intelligent house-Wife.

An old woman had axdaughter who was sluttish,
and even filthy, but a man was found, fool
enough to ask her in marriage and wed her. After
she had lived a year at most with him, she had
a son. One day she went to visit her mother, who
gave her a goo? meal. « Oh, matouchka, how

 

 

good your bread is », said the young wor'nan
whilst she was eating, « mine can hardly be eaten, it
is really like brick. » -— << Listen to me, daughter n,
replied the old woman, « you certainly do not
knead the dough well enough7 that is why your
bread is not good. Try to knead it till your a —— e
is quite wet, and your bread will be good. »

The woman returned home, opened the knead—
ing trough7 and set to work. After having
kneaded for a long time, she tucked up her gown,
and felt if her a —— e was wet; then she went on
with her work. For two hours she kneaded, and
kept on smearing her backside with her doughy
hands, but she could not be certain whether her
a —— e was wet. At last, she tucked up her gown,
and said to her little boy as she showed him her
posteriors. « Look if my a— e is wet. » The child
looked. << Oh, mother », he said, << you have two
holes side by side, and they are both all over
dough ». The woman then ceased to knead, and
with that dough ‘she made good bread, but, if
people had known how it had been kneaded, they
would not have touched it.

XXIII
No!

An old barmc was married to a young and
pretty woman. It happened that this gentleman

 

had to make a long journey, and fearing that his
wife might frolic with some one, he said to her,
<< Listen, my dear! I shall be absent for a long
time. You are not to a110w any gentleman to enter
the house, and then they will not be likely to
bother you. This is the best thing to do; whoever
may speak, to you, and whatever they may say,
always reply No, and never say anything else ! >>

With that, he set off on his journey, and the
lady went to walk in the garden. Whilst she was
thus engaged, an officer passed on horseback.
Seeing such a handsome barz'nz'tuhe spoke to her.
(< Tell me, if you please, what is the name of this
village. » — « No, » she replied. — << What does
that mean? » thought the officer. To all the ques—
tions which were put to her, the lady continued to
reply << No », but her questioner did not lose his
wits. « So », he said, « if I dismount, and fasten
my horse to the palings, you will not mind? » ——
<< No », replied the lady. — << And if Ienter your
garden you will not take it in bad part? n —
<< N0. » 1— And if I walk with you, you will not
be angry? n —— « No. » — He began to walk by
her side. « And if I take your arm you will not

be angry? » —— << N0. » -—— He took her arm. —-
(c And if I lead you to that arbour, you would not
be dissatisfied? » — (( No. » —— He led her

to the arbour. << And if I laid you on the ground,
and lay by your side, you would not object P» ~—
<< No. » — The officer took advantage of the per—

 

 

_ 44 __
mission, and then he continued, (( And if I pulled
up your petticoats, that, no doubt, would not
arouse your wrath? » —- << No. » — He tucked up
her petticoats, lifted up her legs, and COntinued,
« And if I f —— d you, that would not be dis-
agreeable to you? » —— « No. » Thereupon he co—
pulated with her; then he lay by her side, and a
minute later, asked, « Now are you satisfied? >) —
« No. » —— << VVell, if you are not satisfied we
must begin again? » He trussed her again, and
repeated his question. << Now are you satisfied? »
— << No. » —— This time the officer spat, and went
away, and the lady:rose and returned to the house.

When the baring returned off his journey, he
asked his wife. <( 15 all well at home? » — (( NO. »
— « Why, what is the matter? Has anyone ridden
you? » — << No. » —— And ask as he might he could
obtain no other reply than a No J). At last the
barz'ne was compelled to regret having given his

wife such instructions.

 

 

XXIV
The husband Who hatched the eggs.

An idle peasant had married a hard—working
woman. All day he lay on the stove, whilst she
worked in the fields. On day, the woman went to
labour in the fields, whilst her husband stayed
at home to prepare the dinner, and feed the chick-
ens, but he did nothing at all. He lay down,
and whilst he was asleep a crow carried off all
the Chickens. Their mother filled the farm—yard
with her cries of distress, but the moujz’k let her
shriek herself hoarse. When the woman returned
to the house, she asked, << Where are the chick-
ens? What have you done with them P » — << Oh,
little wife, a misfortune has happened. Whilst I
was asleep, a crow carried off all the chickens. ))
<< Oh,you lazy dog! Now, you son of a whore, you
must sit on the eggs, and hatch them yourself. ))

On the morrow, the woman went to the fields,
and the moujz'k took the basket containing the
eggs, placed them in the loft, then took offhis
trousers and sat upon the eggs. His wife, who
was not devoid of cunning, dressed herself up in
a Cloak and cap borrowed from an old soldier,
and in this disguise, she came to the house, and
cried at the top of her voice « Hallo, master!
Where are you P » The peasant jumped out ofthe
loft, and in so doing, all the eggs fell on the floor

 

 

and broke. « What are you doing P » —— « Mister
soldier, I am minding the house. » -—— << Have
you no wife? >> -— << Yes, but she.is at work in the
fields. )) —— << Then why do you stay in the house? >>
— << I am sitting on the eggs >>—-<< Oh you are7 are
you ; you son of a bitch >>, and with his whip the
soldier rained blows on the malzj'i/e’S body.
a Don’t stop in the house >>, continued the preten-
ded soldier,« and sit on eggs, but go and work in the
fields. >> — u I will do so, batozwhkd. I will work
and labour hard, I assure you. 2) —— << You lie, you
scoundrel » and the woman again thrashed her hus—
band, and when she had finished, she lifted up her
leg >>, Look at this, son ofa bitch >>, she said. << I
have been in the wars, and have ‘been wounded,
as you see : Well, do you think my wound will
heal? >> The moujik examined his wife’s slit, and
replied, << It will heal over, batouch/za. >>

The peasant woman went away, put on her
own clothes, and returned to the house, where she
found her husband groaning dismally. << Why are
you groaning? » — << A soldier came just now,
and has beaten me black and blue all over with
' his whip. >> ——— << For what reason? >> —— << He
~ wanted me to work. >> — << You ought to have been
thrashed long ago. I am sorry I was not here. I
would have asked him to keep on thrashing you. »
—— (< That would have been difficult for him : he
is on his last legs. >> —- << How is that? » —— (< He
has been in a battle and receveid a wound be-

 

tween the legs. He showed it to me, and asked if
it could be cured. I replied that it would heal up,
but the wound 'is very red, and the hair has

grown all round it. n Henceforth, the moujz'le cul—
tivated the ground, and his wife kept the house.

XXV
The hunter and the satyr.

A hunter had long scoured the woods without
killing anything, and began to gather hazel nuts,
and eat them. There came to him a satyr, who
asked for some nuts. The hunter gave him a bul—
let. The satyr put it into his mouth, but his teeth
could not bite it. << I cannot crack it, he said. »
<< Have you been castrated? n said the hunter.
—— (( No. >) —— << Well, that is the reason. If you
like I will castrate you, and then you will be able
to crack nuts. » The satyr consented; and the
hunter tightly fixed his genital parts hetween
two aspen branches. << Leave me alone! leave me
alone I I dou’t want any of your nuts, >> the satyr
began to cry. — << You are joking : you shall
learn how to crack nuts. >> The :_hunter cut out
his testicles, then ‘let him go, and offered him a
real nut. The satyr cracked it ‘with his teeth.
<< You see I was right when I told you you would
be able to crack them. >> Then each went his own

 

 

3

way, but before he left, the satyr said in a mena-
cing tone to the hunter. a All right! “Then you
light your stove, I Will play you a trick. »

The hunter returned home, and seated himself
on a bench. « Wife, » he said, << I am tired out.
Light the stove. » The wife went and lighted the
stove, and then she lay down alongside the wall.
There came two satyrs, who began to talk toge—
ther. << Let us burn down the house » said one of
them. << No, first look if he has a wound like the
one he gave you. » They looked. (( Well, my
friend, his is much larger than yours. See how

big it is ; you could put your cap into it. And how
red it is. >> And with that they separated, and
each returned to his wood.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.
‘
_
a
n

 

XXVI
The peasant and the devil.

A peasant had sowed some turnips. When he
thought the time had come to pull them up, he
went to the field, but they were not above the
ground. « May the devil take you, n the 17707471116
cried in his wrath, and he returned home. A
month afterwards his wife said to him. << Go, and
see if it is time to pull the turnips. n The peasant
again went to his field7 and this time found it
covered with fine turnips; but the moment he be—
gan to pull them up a little old man appeared,
and cried, << Why are you stealing my turnips »
—— a What do you mean byyour turnips P » a No
doubt they are! Did you not give them to me,
before...,they were up ? I have taken great care of
them, and watered them. >> —— (( But I sowed
them. » << That may be, » said the devil. << You
may have sowed them — I do not say you did
not, but I watered them. But hold, I will tell you
what we will do. We will come here, you and I,
each with what equipage we please. If you can
guess what I am riding on, the turnips shall be
yours ; and they shall belong to me if I can guess
what you are riding on. The moujik agreed to
this arrangement.

 

 

The next day, he took his wife with him, and
when they were near the field, he made her go
on all fours, tucked up her petticoats, stuck a
carrot into her a... e, and covered her face under
her long hair. As for the devil, he caught a hare,
mounted on it, and on arriving asked the moujik :
« What did I come here on? » —— « What does it
eat? » asked the peasant — <5 The young shoots of
the aspen tree. » —— << Then it is a hare. » On his
side, the devil tried to recognise the animal the
peasant was mounted on, and began to walk
round it. « The long hair, » he observed, << is, of
course the tail; and here is the head, but it is
eating a carrot. » This completely puzzled the
devil, and he confessed himself beaten. The idea—
sant pulledgup the turnips, and sold them, and
from that day began to prosper.

XXVII

The peasant Who did his Wife’s work.

It was harvest time; and‘a peasant and his
wife went every day to reap their wheat. Every
morning, at daybreak, the wife woke up her hus-
band, and he went to the field to work, whilst
his wife remained at home to light the stove, do-
the cooking, and look after the household affairs ;

_SI_

and after that she carried the good man his dinner,
and laboured with him in the field till the even—
ing, When night fell, the couple returned home,
and the next day it was the same thing over
again.

At last, the peasant grew tired of his work. One
morning, when his wife woke him as usual to go
to the field, he refused to get up, and replied
with insults. « No, you, whore! In future you will
have to go and do the harvesting7 and I shall stay
at home. Whilst I am reaping down there. you
are idling about, and you never come to give me
a lift, until I have already had a bellyful of work.
« His wife remonstrated, but to all her arguments
he only replied, << I won’t go. >> « To—day, »
said she, << is Saturday, and there is a lot to do
in the house, the shirts to be washed, the millet
to be pounded for the meal, the bread to be
baked, the butter to be churned. —~ << I will do
all that myself, )) replied the peasant. « Very
well, do it! I will teach you what work is. >> So
the woman brought a large bundle of dirty linen,
then she fetched for her husband, the flour to
make the bread, the cream to make the butter,
the millet to pound for the meal; then, after
having told him to keep an eye on the hen and
chickens, she took a sickle, and went off to do
the harvesting. « I will have another nap, » the
peasant decided, and he rolled himself up in the
bed-Clothes, and slept till dinner—time.

 

 

_52_

T\Vhen he woke up at noon, he saw all the
work that his wife had prepared for him, and did
not know where to begin. Finally he took the
shirts, carried them to the brook, and when he
had put them in the water, returned to the house,
saying to himself: « Bah! I will let them soak
for a minute. I will come back and spread them
out presently, and they will dry. » But the
brook was very rapid, and all the shirts were
carried away by the current. Having returned
to the house, the moujz'la put the flour in the
trough, and poured the water on it. u I will let
the flour soak. << Then he put the millet into the
mortar, and began to pound it, but just then he
saw the hen roaming about the porch, and the
chickens all dispersed in different directions.
Very soon he caught them all, and tied them all
together with a string round their legs, and this
string he fastened to the mother‘s leg, and after
that,‘he went on pounding the millet. But an idea
struck him that he could also make the butter. He
got the jar containing the cream, and fastened it
on his buttocks. (( Like that, >> he thought7 << whilst
I am pounding the millet, the cream will be
shaken up, and the butter will make itself. »

‘Nhile he was carrying out this programme,
the hen was picking about the yard, dragging
the chickens after it ; when suddenly a goshawk
swooped down, seized it in its talons, and ear-
ried it off with all the chickens. Hearing the cries

53

ot the luckless family, the mozzjz'k ran out of
the fight, but in his hurry, the jar was knocked
against the door, and broke, and all the cream
was spilt 0n the ground. Thinking only of helping
the hen, the peasant forgot to shut the door of
the house, and the pigs went in, knocked over
the trough, ate up all the dough, and did the
same to the millet. After having vainly tried to
rescue the hen from the claws of the goshawk,
the mozzjik returned and found the z'gba full of
pigs, and in a filthy state. He drove them out
with some difficulty. << What is to be done now? »
he asked himself; << \Vhen my wife comes
back she will be furious l I have made a nice
mess ofit and no mistake. Never mind! Iwill go
and fetch the shirts which are soaking in the
brook. » He harnessed the mare, and took the
cart down to the brook, but though he cast his
eyes in every direction, the linen had disappear-
ed. << I must look in' the brook n, he undressed,
took off his shirt and trousers, and went inte the
brook7 but his search was useless. Tired out at
last, he regained the bank, but he could not
find either his shirt or trousers; some one had
taken them. \Vhat was to done? It was impos—
sible to dress himself and he could not return to
the village, naked! « I will pull up some tall
grass » he said to himself, << and cover up my
C... k; then I will get into the cart and return
to the house. Like that I shall look less inde~

 

cent. » He pulled up some grass, and made a
kind of little apron. The grass looked tempt-
ing to the horse, which made ahuge bite, and
gobbled it up, and did not even spare the mou—
jz'le’s genital parts. He began to utter horrible
cries. However, somehow or other, he got back
to the house7 and went and sat in a corner.

<< Well, have you done all the work? >> asked
his better half, when she returned. —-— << Yes,
dear wife. » — « Then where are the shirts? »
— « They were carried away by the brook. »
« And the hen and chickens P » « A goshawk took
them. >> —- << And the dough? And the millet? »
<< The pigs ate them. » — « And the cream?»——<< I
spilt it all on the ground. » —- << And your C... k;
where is that? >> —- « The mare has swallowed
it. >> << Oh, you son of a dog, a nice mess you

have made of it all. >)

XXVIH
The blind man’s Wife.

A gentleman became blind, and his wife took
advantage of his infirmity to deceive him with a
lawyer’s clerk. The idea occurred to the husband
that his wife committed adultery, and from that
time he kept close to her skirts. What could she
do? One day when the husband and wife were in
the garden, the clerk came there also. The wo-

 

 

 

man was amorous7 and whilst the gentleman
was sitting under an apple—tree, she abandoned
herself to her lover. A neighbour, whose win—
dows overlooked the
garden, was a wit—
ness of this scene,
and said to his wife,
<< Justlook, mydear,
at what is going on
near that apple —-
tree. Suppose that
at this moment, God
should open the eyes
of the blind man,
and he should see that,
what wouldhappen P No
doubt he would ‘kill
her. >> —- << Make your
mind easy, my friend,
the wanton would find
meansrto get: out of the . ’y I H i
scrape. » ——— (< Why, what 1/ ' i
means could she find? >) ——
<< Oh, you would, see, if the case were to
occur. »

It happened that the Lord allowed Lthe blind
gentleman to recover his sight,just at the moment
when his marital honour was receiving this

 
  
   
  
   

wrong. He surprised the guilty parties in the very
act, and began to cry out. << Oh, you hussy!

 

 

—56—

What are you doing, you cursed whore? >> -——
<< Oh, how glad I am, my dear, n replied the
lady; << Do you know, last night I heard a voice
which said to me. ‘If you commit adultery with
such and such a lawyer’s Clerk, the Lord will
open your husband’s eyes.’ The prophecy has
come true. Thanks to me, God has restored your

sight. >>

XXIX

The grouse.

A hunter had searched the woods for two days
without killing anything. The third day, he made
a VOw, Whatever I may kill I will give it for
a flutter with a woman. >> Then he returned to
the wood, saw a grouse, and killed it. As the hun—
ter was returning home with his game, a lady
saw him from the window ofher house, and invi-
ted him to enter. << 1What is the price of that
grouse? » she asked -— « It is not for sale: I
have made a vow concerning it. » ~— (( What is
that P » — « When I went hunting to day I inade
a vow that I would give whatever I killed for a
flutter. » — « I do not know what to do, » ans—
wered the lady. » I greatly long for that grouse.
Cost what it may, I must have it. But my con-
science would not allow me to lie under you. » _

 

<< That is easily settled, madam ; I will lie under

you, and you shall be on the top. » — So it was
done. — << Now, 1110ujik.give me the grouse n —

(< \Nhy Should I give it to you? It was not I
who futtered you, but you who futtered me? 1) To
g1e up all hope of getting the grouse was more
than the lady could do. << Very well, n she said,
u then you get on me. » —~ The moujik rogered
her a second time. « Now, » said she, « give me
the grouse. n —- (( Why so ? We are quits, that’s
2111. 1) -—— <1 Well then, get 011 me again. D — He
repeated the operation, after which she said, (< It
seems to me that I have well earned the grouse-
this time, 1) and though he did it unwillingly,
the hunter was obliged to give her the game, and
return home empty—handed.

XXX
The Bishops’s Reply

A General and 21 Bishop were talking together.
<< We miserable sinners >>, said the first, << cannot
live without offending: we are bound to forni-
cate. How does your Grace manage never to 5111 P
— (( Send to my house to-morrow, >1 replied the
Bishop, >> and you shall have the reply to that
question. »

On the morrow. the General said to his lackey,

4.4!
’?
?‘-

g
i!
t

\

?

 

,ng
. V)
“f
t
3,5
:1:

 

« Go, and ask the Bishop to give me the reply he
promised me. >> The servant went, and a lay bro-
ther announced to the Bishop that the General’s
servant was there. u Let him wait a little7 » said
the Prelate. One hour, two hours; three hours,

passed, and the servant still waited. The reply
did not come, so he begged the lay brother to

remind the Bishop of the object of his Visit. <<’ Let
him wait a little longer, >> replied the Bishop.
When the lackey had stood about for along time,
fatigue obliged him to lie down in the ante—cham-
her; there he went to sleep, and did not wake
till the next morning.

He returned to his master, and said:« I re—
mained there till this morning, but he gave me
no message for you. » — << Return to him, )) were
the General’s orders, (( and insist upon having
his reply. » The lackey went again‘ to the Bis—
hop7 who this time received him in his cell.
<( Yesterday did you remain standing? >> asked
this Holiness. — << Yes. » — << And at last you
lay down and went to sleep: » — << Yes. )) --
<< Well, my member does exactly the same thing.
It stands for a certain time. then it gets tired,
and lies down. Tell the General that. ))

 

XXXI
A crop of priekles.

Two peasants went to sow rye, each in his
own field. An old man passed and spoke to one
of them. (( Good day, moujik! » — (( Good day,
old man ». — << What do you sow? » -— (( Rye,
grandfather. » — « VVell, may God aid you.
May your rye grow tall, and be heavy with
grain! » The old man then came to the other
peasant. << Good day, moujik, » said he. ——
<( Good day, old man. >5 —- << What is it you
sow? » --- « What business is it of yours? I am
sowing prickles. » —— (< Very good; I wish you
a good crop! >> The old man went away, the
moujiks finished their sowing, and went home.

When the spring rains had watered the soil,
the rye of the first peasant sprouted well and
strong, but in the next field only prickles came
up; their red heads covered a whole dcsatz'ne;
you could not put your foot down anywhere for
tools I The two peasants came to see if their rye
had sprouted. The first experienced great satisfac—
tion at the sight of his field, but the other felt
his heart sink within him. << What am I to do
with such devils as these? » he thought.

Harvest time came. The two moujiks returned
to their fields, and the one began to reap his rye;

E
9?
ta
.1
w
,\
‘2

«a ;_.

 

 

~60—

the other, at the first glance he threw on 'his field,
saw that the prickles with which it was covered,
had attained a hight of an arching and a half(1),
and their red heads erect in the air looked like a
field of poppies. After having long gazed at this
spectacle, the peasant returned to his house.
\Vhen he got home, the first thing he did was to
take a knife and well sharpen it; he provided
himself also with some paper and twine, andlthen
he returned to the field. There, he began to cut
all the C...ks,wrapped them two by two in paper,
tied string round each packet, and put them in
his cart to go and sell them in the town. a Yes, »
he said to himself, a I will offer them for sale
there ; perhaps some woman will be found fool
enough to buy a couplel »

Whilst he led his cart about the streets of the
town, he cried with all his might. a Who wants
prickles? I have fiine prickles to sell; splendid
prickles; fine prickles. » A lady who heard him
crying his wares, said to her young waiting wo—
man, << Go quickly, and ask the moujik what he

has to sell. >> The girl ran out into the street.

« Hi! moujik, what have you to sell? » —-
<< Prickles, madam. >> When she returned to the
house, the girl did not dare to repeat the word to
her mistress. << Speak, you fool, » said the
lady << There is nothing to be ashamed of!

(1) About 3 feet 6 inches.

 

~61“

“hat is he selling? » —-— << \Vell, madam, the
rascal is selling prickles! >> —— « HOW stupid

you are! Run after him quickly7 and askhim
what price he wants for a couple. >> The set 'ant—
maid came to the peasant. << How much a cou—
ple? » she asked. — << A hundred roubles ; that is
the lowest price. >> As soon as the servant had
carried this reply to her mistress, the barium
gave her a hundred roubles. << Here >>, she said,
« go and choose a couple of good ones : pick
them out long and thick. » The girl took th
money to the peasant. << Only be sure and give
me the best you have, moujik. )> —— « They are
all very fine, » he replied.

The servant~maid took a couple of fine, flou-
rishing tools, and carried them to her mistress.
The lady examined them, and as they greatly
pleased her, she made haste to put them where
they ought to go, but they refused to enter. (( Dial
not the moujik tell you What you ought to say to
make them act? >) she asked the servant. -—

« He said nothing, madam P —— Oh, what a fool
you are I Go quickly and ask him. )) ~—- The girl

went again and found the peasant. a Here. mou—
jik; tell me what orders must be given to your
wares to make them act. )> —— « If you give me
another hundred roubles, I will tell you >), replied
the moujik. The servant went, and informed
her mistress of this fresh demand. << He will
not tell you for nothing, madam; he asks for

 

 

.._62_

another hundred roubles. >> ~— « Well I take
him the money! A couple of hundred roubles is
really not dear for a pair of machines like these. >>
—— The peasant, having received the money, said
to the servant. << When your mistress wants to
use them, she has only to say << N0, 740 f )) As
soon as this reply had been conveyed to her, the
lady lay upon the bed, lifted up her clothes, and
said « No, 710. >> The two tools immediately per-
formed their duty; but when the [9417772111 wished
to make them leave off, she found it impossible.
The situation was becoming distressing; and in
her trouble the poor woman started off the ser-
vant again. « Run after that son ofa dog, and
ask him what I must say to make them come
out. » The servant ran at full speed, caught up
the moujz'le, and told him her errand. « Tell me,
jnOIzj'z'k what is to be done to make the prickles
leave the body of my mistress, for at present
they are worrying her sadly. » And the peasant
replied : (( If she will give me another hundred
roubles I will tell her. » —— The girl returned in
all haste to the house. The barium was lying
on the bed, groaning. « Take the hundred rou-
bles, » she ordered, << which still remain in the
drawer, and carry them quickly to that scoun-
drel. Make haste, for I am at the point of death. »
\Vhen the peasant had received the third pay—
ment of a hundred roubles, he told her the word
for which she awaited. u She has but to say

 

_.()3_..

Tprrou .’ and they will come out at once. >> ——
The servant maid tore back, and when she
returned to the house, she found her mistress
senseless, with her tongue hanging out of her
mouth. So the servant herself cried << Tprrou / »
The two prickles came out. The barim‘a was
cured; she rose, took them, and put them in a
safe place. After that, she led a very pleasant
lierWhenever she liked, she was futtured by
the tools, and it sufficed to say « szrrou » to
them, to get rid of them.

One day, the lady went'to see some friends in
the country, and forgot to take the tools with
her. When the evening came, she felt'very sorry
not to have them, and prepared to return home.
Her hosts insisted that she should remain till the
next day. << It is absolutely impossible, » she
said; << I have left at home a certain thing
without which I cannot sleep. >> —-— << Oh, well,
if you like, )) replied the master of the house we
will send for it, by a trusty servant who will
bring it to you safely. » — The Visitor consen—
ted. So a lackey was ordered to saddle a good
horse, and to fetch the article required from the
lady’s house. << You will ask my maid for it, »
added the lady; << she knows where it is ».

When the lackey arrived at the barz'nz'a’s
house, the maid gave him the prickles wrapped
up in paper, and he put them in his back pocket,
and remounted his horse to return to his master.

 

 

__. (,4 ._.

On the road, the horseman had a hill to climb,
and as his horse went too slowly, he cried, a No,
no I >> Immediately the prickles came out of the

 

paper, and introduced themselves into the a...e
of the lackey, who was terribly frightened. a What
are these monsters? Where do the cursed things
come from? n he said to himself, and he almost
burst out crying, for he did not know what would
happen. But on descending the hill on the other
side, the horse trotted so quickly that the lackey
was forced to cry << Tprl‘ou !» The same moment

 

—65—

the prickles evacuated the place they had occupied ;
the servant took them, wrapped them in paper
again, and‘arrived at the house, where he handed
them to the barz'm'a. « \Vell » she asked, » have
you brought them safe and uninjured? >> (< May
the devil take them, « he replied », if I had not
had a hill to come down they would haye fut-
tered me all along the road (1).»

XXXII

The enchanted ring.

In a certain Village there lived three brothers
who did not agree well together, and decided
therefore to divide their property between them.
But the goods were not divided equally; fortune
favoured the two eldest, and the youngest had
scarcely anything. All three were bachelors.
One day they all met in the street, and decided
that it was quite time they were married. << You
have the best of it >>, — said the youngest to his

(1) In another version of this story the lady sends the
lackey for a box, which he is not to open. He opens the
box7 out of curiosity, and when he sees what is inside,
nods his head, and says Non7 7102;, 7201; (Well I well! well!)
of course with the same result as here stated. Luckily he
meets with a waggoner who at that moment cries Tprrou
to his horses, and the poor lackey is relieved from his
disagreeable situation.

5

 

 

—66—

elder brothers ; <<~ you are rich, and will be able
to marry well; but what am I to do? I am poor,
and my only possession is a tool that comes down
to my knees. »

At this, the daughter of a merchant passed close
to the group of the three brothers. She heard
this part of the conversation7 and said to herself,
(( Ah, if I could marry that young man. He has
a c.. k that comes down to his knee! » The elder
brothers married, and the younger remained a
bachelor. But when she returned home the mer-
chant’s daughter could think of nothing else
but how to obtain him for her husband. Seve-
ral merchants asked her hand in marriage, but
she refused them all. (( I will have no other hus-
band than that young man » she said. The
parents scolded her soundly. << What are you
dreaming of, you little fool? Be reasonable! Why
do you want to marry a poor peasant? >> ——
« Don’t disturb yourselves about that, n she
replied, << you will not have to live with him. »
Then she addressed herself to a matrimonial
agent, and sent her to tell the young man to
come and ask for her hand. The agent went to
the peasant’s house, and said to him, (( Listen to
me, my dear! Why do you loaf about like this?
Go and ask in marriage the daughter of such and
such a merchant. She has loved you for a long
time, and would be glad to marry you ! »

On hearing this, the peasant put on a new

 

sarrau, and a new cap, and went straight off to
see the father of the young girl. The girl no
sooner saw the visitor than she recognised him
as the man who had a tool which came to his
knee. By pleading hard, she obtained from her
parents, their consent to her union with the
young man.

When the wedding night came, the bride found
that her husband’s tool was not as long as a fin—
ger? « Oh, you rascal », she shouted, » you
boasted of having a tool that came down to your
knee; what have you done with it? » —— « Ah,
wife, you know that before our marriage I was
very poor. I had to provide for the expenses of
the wedding, and, asI had nothing else on which
I could raise money, I was forced to put my tool

in pawn. » — << And for how much did you
pledge it? n —— (< Not a large sum; —— only fifty
roubles. » —- << Very well. To morrow I will go

to my mother and will ask her for the money,
and you must take your tool out of) pawn. If
not I will never set foot in your house again. » ——
———The next morning, the young woman went to her
mother. << I beg of you, matouc/zlaa, to give me
fifty roubles : I have great need of it, >) — « Why
do you want it? ——-tell me. >> — << \Nell, mother:
this is the reason. My husband had a tool which
came down to his knees, but on the eve of the
wedding, the poor man was obliged to raise
money on something, and pledged it for fifty

-,,.
T
’2

E
.‘e
1‘
:,t
‘\
.2?

 

 

—68—

roubles. At present, my husband has a tool which
is not as long as a finger : he must positively
redeem the old one. » 'The mother fully under—
stood the necessity, and gave the fifty roubles to
her daughter, who carried the money to her hus—
band, and said to him, << Now run quickly and
redeem your old tool, for fear others should
profit by it. »

The young man took the money and went
away very sad, << What shall I do now? n: he
asked himself. <1 Where can I procure such a
tool for my wife? I will walk as long as the
earth will bear me. » He walked for a more or
less long time, when he met an old woman.
u Good day, grandmother, » — « Good day, good
man.VVhere are you going P » — << Ah, grannie, if .
you only knew how miserable I am. I do not
know where to go. » — << Tell the your woes, my
dear; I might be able to remedy them. » —- << I
dare not tell you. )) — Don’t be afraid, and don’t
be ashamed, and speak boldly. >> _ (< Well,
grannie, thisis the case. I boasted ofhaving a tool
down to my knees : the daughter of a. merchant
heard the words, and married me, but the first
night she passed {with me she found that my
tool was not as long as a finger. Then she was
vexed! What have you done with your big tool?
she asked me. Thereupon she handed me the
money,te11ing me to go and redeem it, or other—
wise she would never set foot in my house.

 

I know not what will become of me. » -- « Give
me ’your money, )) said the old woman, << and I
will help you in your misfortune. >>

The peasant counted down‘ the fifty roubles,
and received in exchange a ring. << Here >>, said
she; u take this ring, and put it only on your

nail >>. —— The lad obeyed, and the same instant
his prickle, became a foot long. << Well >>, said
the old woman; « is that long enough? » ~ << But,

grannie, it is still not down to my knee. » —
(< You have but to put the ring lower, my son »
He slipped the ring down to the middle of his
fingerJ and immediately he had a yard five miles
long. — << Oh7 grannie, what am I to do? It is a
calamity to have a member of that size. >> —
a Put the ring back to the nail, and your yard
will only be a foot long. Now, I expect you will
deem that length sufficient. Take care never to
let the ring go beyond the nail >>.

The young man thanked the old woman, and
took the road back to his own house, happy to
think that he would not have to appear before
his wife unsuccessful. After having walked a
long way, he felt the need of taking some refresh—
ment, so he went a little way off the road, seated
himself by the side of a brook, took from his
wallet some small biscuits, dipped them in the
water, and began to eat them. Afterwards he lay
upon his back and experimented again with the
ring. He placed it on his nail, and his tool stood

53‘,

; 4-3524 " ‘3

i
é
:-
_‘¢
1
j?
»\
‘53
,

Mas h, h

 

 

in the air a foot high. He slipped the ring down
to the middle of his finger and his yard rose to
the height of five miles. He put back the ring,
and his member recovered the humble propor-
tions it had before. When the young peasant had
amused himself for some time in this fashion,
sleep overcame him, but, before he fell asleep, he
forgot to put the ring back ‘in his pocket, and
left it lying on his breast. A baring happened to
pass in his carriage, with his wife. Perceiving,
near the road, a moujik asleep, with a jewel glit—
tering on his breast, the gentleman stopped the
carriage and said. to his lackey, << Go, and take
that moujik’s ring, and bring it to me >>. The
servant executed his master’s orders, and the
carriage went on again. But the beauty of the
ring attracted the barinc’s attention. << Look,
what a beautiful ring, douckcnka >>, he said to
his wife. << Let us see if it will fit me. » He
slipped the ring down to the middle of his finger,
and immediately his yard lengthened, knocked
the coachman off his box, passed over the horses,
and extended five miles in front of the carriage.
At this the barz‘m'a, was in consternation, and
cried to the lackey, « Return quickly to the
peasant, and bring him here». The lackey ran and
woke up the moufz'k, and said to him, (( Go to
my master;make haste >>. Meanwhile the peasant
was searching for his ring. a May the devil take
you! You have stolen my ring >) — (< Don’t look

 

—7I—

for it )>, replied the servant, << but go to my
master : he has your ring, and a fine trouble
it has given us n.

The peasant reached the carriage almost at a
bound. u Forgive me », began the gentleman in
a supplicating voice; (( help me in my misfor—
tune >>. —- « What will you give me, barz‘ne? »
~—— (( There are a hundred roubles. » — << Give me
two hundred, and I will help you. » The barz'ne
gave the moujz'k two hundred roubles, and the
latter took off the ring. Immediately the gentle-
man’s tool became as it was before. The carriage
drove off, and the peasant returned home (1).

His wife , who was looking through the
window, saw him, and ran to meet him. << Well n,
she asked, << have you taken it out 'of pawn? »
—— (< Yes )) —- (( Show me )> — << Come into the
house; I cannot show it you in the street >>. As
soon as they were indoors, the wife kept on repeat—
ing, << Show it! Show it! » He put the ring on
his nail and his tool became a foot long. << He
pulled it out of his trousers, and said, << Look
wife ». She began to embrace him. << Is it not
better, my little husband, that we should have
such a treasure at home than leave it with stran—

(1) In another version of the story the ring slips down
the peasant’s finger while he is asleep, and his member
knocks over a carriage that is passing along the road. The
baring who is in the carriage buys the ring and tries it on‘
but being frightened at the effect gives the peasant an—
other hundred roubles to take back the ring.

 

 

~72...

gers? Make haste, and let us have dinner; then
we will go to bed, and try it ». She soon covered
the table with plates and bottles. The couple
dined7 and then went to bed. After the wife had
experienced the vigour of the' member with
which her husband was provided, she did nothing
during the next three days but look under her
petticoats; she seemed to always feel it between
her legs. She went to see her mother, andxduring
that time the moujik went to sleep under an
apple—tree in the garden. << Well >>, said the old
woman to her daughter, << have you taken the
tool out of pawn? >> — u Yes », replied the
young woman, and she entered into long details
on the subject. . . _
On hearing this, the merchant’s wife was seized
with the idea that she would take advantage of
her daughter’s visit, go to her son in law’s house,
and try for herself this splendid instrument. She
managed to slip away quietly, and ran to the
peasants’ house, where she saw him lying asleep
in the garden. The ring was on his nail, and his
yard was standing a foot high. << Iwill perch
myself on his yard », said the mother in law at
this sight. She soon did so. Unfortunately for
her, the ring which the sleeper wore on his nail,
slipped down to the middle of the finger, and the
merchant’s wife was suddenly raised five miles
high, by the rapid elongation of the prickle; the
daughter, however, having remarked the absence

 

of her mother, and suspecting the cause, returned
home quickly. No one was in the house; she went
into the garden, and what a spectacle met her
gaze! Her husband was asleep, his yard was

i
A
2-”
1:
‘Y
,‘k
‘1
w

 

standing in the air, and on the top of it, barely
Visible was the merchant’s wife, being turned
aboutby the wind, like a weathercock.

What was to be done? How was she to rescue
her mother from such a dangerous position?
A crowd soon formed, and everyone gave his

gunman " 5

 

 

opinion as to how a rescue was to effected. « There

is only one thing to be done », said some : << take
a hatchet, and cut the yard. >> — « No », replied
others, << you must not do that , or you will

kill both persons. If we cut the yard, the woman
will tumble to the ground, and break all her
limbs. It would better for us all to pray to God,
and perhaps he will perform a miracle and save
the old woman. >>

Whilst this discussion was going on, the sleeper
awoke, and perceived that the ring was in the
middle of his finger, and his tool was standing
perpendicularly five miles high, whilst some
weight pressed him to the ground so much that
he could not even turn over on his side. Very
gently he slipped back the ring. His yard dimi-
nished little by little, and when it was only a
foot long, the peasant remarked that his mother
in law was perched on the end of it. «What
brings you there, matauchlea? >> he asked. ——
a Forgive me, my dear son in law : I will never do
it again >>.

ANOTHER VERSION (1)

There was once a tailor who possessed a magic
ring : as soon as he put it on his finger his tool

(i; In another version the man is asleep in the house,
and the sudden elongation of his yard carries the mother
inlaW clean through the roof.

 

__ 75 __
acquired an extraordinary development. He
chanced to be working at a lady’s house, and, as
he was a very gay and facetious kind of man,
when he went to sleep, he always neglected to
cover his genital parts. The 'lady remarked that
he had a very big tool and being desirous of tast—
ing the power of such a weapon, she called the
tailor into her chamber. « Will you >>,‘she said,
« commit fornication with me? » -— << Why not,
madam? Only there is one condition. You must
not fart! If you fart, you must give me three
hundred roubles. >> — << Very well >>, she replied.
They went to bed, and the lady took every pre~
caution possible to prevent farting during the
copulation. She ordered her waiting woman to
fetch a large onion, to stuff it up her a..e, and
to hold it there with both hands. These instruct-
ions were exactly followed, but at the first as-
sault the tailor made on the lady, the onion was
violently expelled, and struck the waiting woman
with such forpe that it killed her stone dead!
The lady lost the three hundred roubles. The
tailor pocketed the money, and set off to return
home.

After having walked a long way, he felt in
need of repose, and lay down in a field: he
put the ring on his finger, and his yard became
three—quarters of a mile long. As he was thus
lying down, sleep overcame him, and whilst he
slept there came seven hungry wolves who

 

 

‘ _76_._

devoured the greater part of his tool. He awoke
as though there was nothing the matter, took
the ring from his finger, put it in his pocket, and
continued hisjourney. ,

When evening came, the tailor entered in a pea.—
sant’s house to pass the night. This moujz'k was
married to a young woman who was very fond
of « well—furnished » men. The traveller lay
down in the court, and left his tool visible.
When she saw it, the peasant’s wife became
quite excited; she pulled up her gown, and pla-
ced herself on the top of the tailor. << Very good»,
said he to himself; then he passed the ring to the
middle of his finger, and his yard rose little by
little till it was more than half a mile high.
When the woman found herself at such a dis-
tance from the ground, she lost all wish for
pleasure, and hEld on with both hands to this
strange support. Her neighbours and acquain-
tances, who saw in what danger the woman wais,
began to celebrate a religious service and pray
for her rescue. But the tailor gently withdrew
the ring from his finger, and the dimensions of
his member began to gradually'decrease, and
when it was only a few feet high, the woman
jumped to the ground. << Oh, you insatiable
coynte », said the tailor to her; << It would have
caused your death if they had cut off my tool )).

 

X X X 111
The excitable lady.

In a certain kingdom there lived a rich pea-
sant who had a son called Ivan. (( Why do you
never do any work, my son? >> said his father to
him. — « It is not yet too late. Give me a hun—
dred roubles, and wish good luck to my enter-
prise. >> — The father gave him the money for
which he asked, and Ivan went to the town.
In passing near a lordly dwelling, he saw a very
handsome lady in the garden. He stopped, and
looked at her through the palings. << What are
you doing there, young man? >> asked the lady.
— << I was lost in contemplation of you, madam;
you are so beautiful. If you will show me your
feet up to your ankles, I will give you a hundred
roubles. » —— « Why should I not show them?
here, look. « So saying, she raised her dress a
little. The young man gave her the hundred
roubles and returned home. >>

<< Well, my son, >> asked the father, u what
business have you done? How have you em—
ployed the hundred roubles? >> —— « I have
bought a bit of land, and the wood to build a
shop. Give me two hundred roubles more in
order that I may pay the carpenters for their
work. » The father gave the required sum, and

- M .

£3,

,»- vr-Ngn‘nmu. “>1

 

 

—78—-,

the son returned, and once more stationed him-
self in front of the palings of the same garden.
The lady, on seeing him, said, << Why have you
come back, young man? » — » Allow me to
enter the garden, madam, and show me your
knees, and I will give you two hundred roubles. ))
She allowed him to enter the garden, and pull—
ing up her gown, showed him her knees. The
lad counted out the money, bowed to I her, and
returned home. When he entered the house, his
father questioned him : << Is everything arrang-
ed, my son? >> —— (( Yes, father. Give me three
hundred roubles that I may buy wares to stock
my shop. »

When/his fatherhad complied with this dem and
the son again went and stationed himself before
the palings of the garden. The father, however,
said to himself, << Let me go and see what his
business is. >> Thereupon he dogged Ivan’s foot—
steps, and placed himself a little distance from the
palings, where he could observe all that passed.
« Why have you come back, young man? »
asked the lady. — « If you will not be angry at
the request >>, replied the lad, << allow me to let
my yard play round outside your coynte, and
for that I will give you three hundred roubles. »
— << Agreed. )) — She allowed him to enter the
garden, and after she had received the money,
she lay down on the grass. Ivan took off his
trousers, and began to tickle gently with his

 

member, the genital parts of the lady, who soon
became so excited that she cried )) Push it in

the middle. Push it in, I beg! >> — But the
young man refused and said, << I will give you
back all your money, » said the lady. —— << I do

not want it, n he answered, and continued as
before. —— « I have had from you six hundred
roubles; I will give you back twelve hundred,
only shove it in the middle. »

The father who was behind the palings, and
an observer of the scene that passed, could not
contain himself any longer. << Accept, my boy, »
he cried out : << little brooks make great rivers ».
Oi] hearing these words, the lady jumped up
quickly, and ran away. The young man remain-
ed without a kopeck, and began to abuse his

father for interfering. << What did you want to‘

come shouting here for, old greybeard? »

XXXIV
Dog—fashion.

In a certain kingdom there lived a gentleman
who had a very beautiful daughter. One day, as
she was taking a walk, followed by a lackey,
this latter thought to himself, «What a choice
morsel she is. There is nothing in the world that
I should like so much as to futter her, if it were

. lievwmvgywn—éi u, ._ '.. ~ - .

fei

 

   
   
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
  
 
 
 
  
   

—80—-

only once. I would give my life for it (1) >>. He was
so absorbed in these thoughts that he muttered,
without knowing it, « Ah, my beautiful young
lady, if I could only salute you dog fashion! »

The girl heard these words and returned to
the house. When night came, she called the
lackey to her. « Repeat, you rascal, >> she began,
<< what you said whilstI was out for awalk. n—
« I ask you pardon, madam. I only said such and
such a thing. » -— << No! as you have wished it,
you must act like a dog, and at once, or I will
tell my papa everything. » Having said this, the
young girl lifted up her gown, and placed her-
self in the middle of the room with her poste-
riors uncovered, and said to the lackey, << Stoop
down and sniff as the dogs do ». The lackey
obeyed. « NOW lick it with your tongue, like the
dogs lick. » — The lackey licked her three times.
« Very good! now run round me. >> Ten times
did he have to run round her, and then was obli-
ged to smell her and lick her over again. The
poor young man made a wry face over it, but he
was compelled to obey. « There; that is enough
for the present! that will suffice for the first time, ))
said the young girl, « now go to bed and return
to morrow night. »

The following night she had the lackey fetched
again. « Why did you not come of your own

(1) Or literally, « death would no more affright me )1.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

—81—

accord, rascal? I cannot send and fetch you every
time. It is your place to know what you have to
do. » With that she tucked up her gown, went
down on all fours, and the performance of the
previous evening was repeated. Ten times did the
lackey have to smell, lick, and run round her.
After having amused herself for a long time in
this fashion, the girlfinished by taking pity on him.
She lay down on the bed, pulled up her gown in
front, and consented to let him futter her for
once. The lackey took his pleasure with her,
and said to himself, « All right, it doesn’t mat—
ter. I have been obliged to lick her, it is true,
but I got what I wanted. »

 

 

 

XXXV

The two Wives.

Two merchants lived in close friendship. They
were both married, and on a certain day, the one
said to the other : « Listen to me, friend. Let us
try an experiment to ascertain which of our wives
loves her husband best. >> — (( Agreed {but how
are we to determine that P >> —— << In this way. We
are about to start for the fair at Makarieff, and
whichever of our wives weeps the most at the part—
ing, is the one who most loves her husband. »
They made their preparations for departure, and
when they took leave of their wives, one woman
poured forth torrents of tears, whilst the other
was cheerful and light-hearted. The merchants
started off for the fair, and after they had travel—
led thirty miles or so, the one said to the Other :
<< How much your wife loves you, and how she
wept when you said farewell! Mine, on the
contrary, did nothing but laugh! » — << I have a
proposal to make, >> replied the other. << At pre—
sent our wives believe us to be on the road to
.the fair. Let us return home, and see what our
wives are doing in our absence. >) << Very good. »

It was night when they returned to the town.
They first directed their footsteps to the abode
of the merchant whose wife had wept so much

 

 

-33_

at saying farewell, .and this is what they saw
when they peeped in at the window, — the
woman in amorous converse with a lover I

The paramour filled aglass with brandy, rais-
ed it to his lips, and then presented it to the faith—
less spouse. << Here, drink7 my dear! » She sipped
it in her turn, and said : << My dear friend! Now I
am allyour own. » —— << What nonsense, all mine!
A geod deal still belongs to your husband. >>

She replied, as she showed her backside : << That
is what belongs, to that son of a whore ! Nothing
but my a..el »

After they had witnessed this scene, the two
merchants went to see what the wife who had
laughed at her husband’s departure was doing,__
and on looking through the window, they saw a
lamp burning before the altar. The merchant’s
wife was on her knees, and praying fervently.
« Oh, Lord, >> she said7 << grant my husband a
safe and happy return. >> —.,« Well, >> said one
of the merchants, (< we have seen enough : now let
us go to the fair. »

They went to the fair, and did good business;
never had they been so fortunate. When they
were on the point ofreturning home, each thought
he would take a present to his wife. The mer—
chant who had found his wife praying, bought
enough rich brocade to make her a Cloak. The
other bought some of the same stuff, but only
for the a..e. << Since the a..e is the only thing

 

 

that belongs to me I shall not want more than
half an ell : I don’t want my a..e to be badly
dressed. >> On their arrival at home, they gave
the presents to their wives. << Why did you buy
such a small piece? >> angrily asked the guilty
wife. - << Remember what you told your lover,
you whore. As your a..e is the only part of you
that belongs to me, I bought only enough to adorn
what is my own. \Vear this brocade on your

a..e. >>

 

 

XXXVI
The mogiest lady.

There was once a young lady who frequently
Changed her lackeys; she complained that they
were always vulgar and foul—mouthed7 and
quickly got rid of them. At last came a young
man who offered himself as a servant. « Be very
careful, my lad, » said the lady. << I do not heed
money or wages, but I insist that you shall never
pronounce an indecent word. How can people use
indecent expressions? »

Some time afterwards, the lady went to visit
her estates. On approaching a village, she saw a
herd of swine : a boar had mounted on a sow7
and was performing so vigorously that the foam
was coming out of his mouth. The lady called to
the lackey. — << What do you wish, madam? >)
-— « What is that? »——-The lackey was not devoid
of tact. a That? )) he replied. >> I can tell you what
that is. The one underneath must be some rela-
tive — a sister or an aunt; and the one on the top
is a brother or a nephew. He is ill and she is
carrying him to her house. » (< Yes, yes, that is
it7 >> said the lady and began to laugh.

Travelling on, they met with a herd of cattle ;
and a bull was just leaping on a cow. << Well,
what is that? >> asked the lady. —— u I will tell

 

 

—86—

you what that is. The cow is not strong, and
cannot find anything to eat, having browsed on
all the herbage round her. That is why, as you
see, the bull is pushing her towards some fresh
grass. )) —— << That is exactly it7 » observed the
lady, laughing again.

Next, they passed a drove of horses, and a stal-
lion was serving a mare. a And what is that? »
—~ « Do you see madam, beyond the wood
there is some smoke! No doubt there is a fire
somewhere, and the horse has mounted on the
mare to get a better view of the conflagration. »
— << Yes, yes, that is true, >> said the young
woman laughing fit to kill herself.

They arrived at abrook. The barim‘a was desi—
rous of taking a bath, so she stopped the carriage,
undressed, and entered the water. The servant
watched her without moving from his place. u If
you Wish to bathe with me, undress quickly I n
The lackey divested himself of his garments,
and entered the water, exhibiting on his person
the tool which is used to make men. At this
sight, his mistress quivered with joy. << Look!
what is this that I have here? » she asked, show—
ing her slit. u A well, >> he replied. — « Yes,
that is true! And what is that hanging from you? >>

—— << That is called a horse. » —- << Does your horse
drink? )) —- << Yes, madam; will you allow it to
drink at your well? » ——- << Yes, certainly, provi-

ded that it only drinks at the entrance, and does

 

not go to the bottom of the well. » The lackey
followed his instructions, but the lady became
excited, and cried, << Make him enter further,
further. Let him thoroughly quench his thirst. »
He therefore enjoyed himself with all his heart,
and both were sorry toleave the water.

XXXVII
The good father.

In a. village there lived a jolly old peasant, the
father of two pretty girls, and these girls had
many female friends who used to come and
spend the evening with them. The old man was
very fond of women, and at night when the visi-
tors were asleep, he would creep on tip—toe, pull
up the gown of one of them, and begin to forni-
cate ; the girl never said anything, but took it
as a matter of course. Consequently it was not
surprising that the old moujik had futtered nearly
all the young girls in the village, his two daugh—
ters alone excepted.

It happened that one evening a number of
young peasant girls met at his igba ; they
laughed and chatted, and then each one returned
home; for the one had to set to work at day-
break, another had not obtained her mother’s
permission to sleep out, the father of the third

l
t?
-1‘
M;
‘l

23

,

NA- ‘

 

 

—88—

was ill, and so forth. The old man was snoring
in the loft; he had gone to sleep after supper
and had not seen the girls depart. In the night
he awoke, came down from the loft, and crept
on tip-toe to the benches on which the girls
usually slept. His eldest daughter was asleep on
the kagenka (1) ; he lifted up her gown and be—
gan to perform energetically, and she, being but
half awake, willingly abandoned herself to the
caresses of her father.

The next morning, the old man rose, and asked
his wife : << Old woman, at what time did the
girls who passed the night here, leave? » ——
<< What girls who passed the night here P They
all returned home last evening. >> —— « You are
joking? Who was it then that I futtered on the
kafenka? » —-— << Who? You know very well. It
was your eldest daughter. >) —— The old man
began to laugh. << Oh, you daughter of awhore Z »
hevsaid. — << Why do you use such coarse lan—
guage, you old devil? >> ~— << Hold your tongue,
you old beast. I laughed to think that my
daughter is really very expert at the game. » ——
The youngest girl was seated at a bench, putting
on her shoes. « It would be a disgrace >> she
remarked, << if my sister did not know how to
do that : she is nineteen years old. )> —— << Yes,
that is true. It is time she knew her business. »

(I) A bench near the stove in the huts of the Russian
peasants.

 

—89——

XXXVHI
The pope Who begot a calf.

A pope and his wife had for their servanta
Cossack named Vanka, who — owing to the ava—
ricious character of popadz'a, — did not live at
all well in his master’s house. » One day the
pope went with his man to make hay at a place
about seven milesoff. They came to the field,
set to work, and loaded two carts. Presently a
drove of cows approached the hay, so taking
a thick stick in his hand the pope rushed at the
animals, drove them a long way off, and returned,
covered with sweat, to where the Cossack was
working. They soon finished their work, and
set out to return home. Night fell whilst they
were on the road. << Vanka, » said the pope,
a would it not be better to lodge at Gvoyd’s
house in the next Village? He is a honest mou—
7'z'k, and his‘court is covered. » —— a Very good,
batouc/zka, >> replied Vanka.

They came to the village, and asked and
obtained permission to lodge at the moujik’s
house. The Cosssack entered the z'gba, uttered a
prayer, and after having saluted the master of the
house, said to him : << Listen, master : When
supper is ready, say, ‘Sit down, all you who
have been baptised’ If you say to the pope,

 

 

__90_.

« Sit down, spiritual father, he would be offen
ded, and would not sit at the table, for he does
not like to be addressed in that way. >>

During this time, the pope was unharnessing
the horses; when he appeared in the igba, the
peasant ordered his wife to serve the repast,
and when all was ready, said, << Come to supper,
all you who are baptised. » Everyone took his
place at the table, except the batouchka, who
sat upon a bench, for he expected to receive a
special invitation; but was disappointed in his
expectations. When supper was finished, the
master of the house said to the priest, << Why
did you not sit at table with us, father Mikhail? >>
— << I was not hungry, » replied the pope. All
went to bed. The peasant led his guests to the
Skotnaz‘tz (I), beacause it was warmer there than
in the iglm. The pope lay on the stove, andthe
Cossack in the loft. Vanka fell asleep at once;
as to the pope, he would have liked to find some—
thing to eat, but there was nothing in the
Skotnaz'a except a trough with some dough in it.
He woke up the Cossack. « What is you want,
batouchka? » —— (< Cossack, I am hungry. » ——
<< VVellI why do you not eat? In the trough there
is the same sort of bread there is on the table, »
replied Vanka; then he came down from the

(1,1 A place where the cowherd sleeps, and where in win—
ter, the calves and any sick animals are put, and also
where the cows are milked.

 

—9I_

loft tipped up the trough, and said : << There is
enough there to satisfy you. » —— The pope began
to gobble up the dough, but Vanka pushed the
trough, as though by accident, and spilled all
the contents over his master. The pope, having
satisfied his hunger, lay down, and. was soon
fast asleep.

During the night a cow calved in the stable. On
hearing the animal’s lowing, the mistress of the
house came. She took the calf, carried it to the
skotnoz’a,‘ and put it on the stove by the side of
the pope; then she retired. A little later the pope
was awakened by feeling a tongue lick his face.
His first proceeding was to awaken Vanka. —
a What is it you want now? » asked the Cos-
‘sack. — << Vanka, there is a calf Close to me on
the stove, and I don’t know how it came there. »
—- << What is the matter with you? You have
brought forth the calf yourself, and you say,
‘I don’t know how it came there’ >> —— « But how
can that be? » demanded the pope. — « Why,
this is how it is. Don’t you remember that while
we were loading the hay, you ran after the
cows? So now you have given birth to a calf. >>
— << Vanka, what shall I do to hide that from
my wife’s knowledge? n — << Give me three hun—
dred roubles, and I will manage so that nobody
in the world shall know about it. » The pope
gave the money. « But pay attention to what I
tell you, » continued the Cossack. << Return

 

 

_92_

home at once, but steal away quietly and leave
your boots here. You can put on my bark
shoes. >>

As soon as the pope had gone, the Cossack
went to the master of the house. « Oh what an
ass you are! Do you know that your calf has
eaten up the pope, and left only his boots?
Come and see. » The peasant, thoroughly frigh-
tened, offered three hundred roubles to the
Cossack as the price of his silence, and Vanka
promised to hold his tongue. He took the three
hundred roubles, mounted his horse, and went
after the pope. When he overtook him, he
said, « Batouchka, the moujik is going to take
the calf to your wife, and tell her that you
are .__its father. >> More frightened than ever,
the pope gave another hundred roubles to the
Cossack.

« Only, >> he begged, << arrange this matter for
me. )) — (( Return home, and I will undertake
to prevent all scandal, » replied Vanka; and
he returned to the mozzjik, and, said : << The pope’s
Wife went out of her mind when she heard of the
death of her husband. You will get into a sad
mess. » The foolish peasant begged the Cossak
to accept another hundred roubles << Only », he
added, << be sure to deceive the popadia, and
don’t say a word to any One. >> -— (( All right,
all right! >> — replied the Cossack. When he
arrived at the parsonage, Vanka extorted some

 

_93 __

more money from the pope ; after which, he took
leave of him, married, and from that day saw

his affairs prosper.

 

XXXIX
The pope and the trap.

In a Village there lived a moujik who was a
butcher by trade. He kept his nfeat in a coach—
house, but the dogs and cats used to come there
and commit many thefts. The butcher therefore
arranged a trap 0n the sill of the window by

SWIS‘L‘IJ'EXL'tfi'g-l ' <

taé

   

_ -.-..s-x»JL.-_

 

_ 94 _
which these animals used to enter the coach-
house. The pope’s dog went on a marauding expe—
dition, was caught in the trap, and lost his life.
The pope felt the loss deeply, but as he could
not bring the dog to life again, he bought another.
<< What shall I do, >> he said to himself, << to pre—
vent this dog from meeting with the fate of the
other? » He wanted also to play a trick on the
moujik. At last an idea came to him ; he went to
the coach—house, took off his trousers, climbed
up to the window, and began to s .. t on the
trap. But suddenly the spring went, and caught
the pope by the testicles, so that he uttered loud
cries? The moufz‘lc ran up. << Ah, you son of a
whore! >) he shouted, << What the devil are you
doing there? What a race of idiots these priests
are! )> A crowd assembled, and they disengaged

the pope the best way they could, but he expired
immediately. ‘

XL

The pope, his Wife, his daughter,
and his man.

A pope was about to engage a man—servant.
a Take care, pope, >> was his wife’s advice, « not
to engage a man who indulges in filthy talk ; for
we have a marriageable daughter I >> —- << Very
well, mother. I will pay attention to what you

 

say. » The priest started off in his cart, and met
with a young man Who was walking along the
road. << Good day batouclzka ». —— << Good day,
friend; where are you going? » —— « I am seeking
a place as man—servant, batouchka. )) —— << And I,
my friend, am just looking for a man. Will you
enter my service? » -« Willingly, batouclzka. »
—— a Only there is one condition. It is essential,
my friend, that you abstain from the use of a11
improper words. » — << Baloztchka, I have never
heard one said since I have been born. » -—
a Very well ; take your place by my side. You
are the very man I want. >> ~- A mare was har—
nessed to the cart; the pope lifted up her tail, and
pointing with his whip to the mare’s vulva, said,
« What is that, my friend? — (( That is a coynte,
batouchka. >> — « Ah, my friend, I don’t want
people who speak so coarsely and vulgarly.You
may go where you 1ike(1).

The young man saw how Stupid he had been,
but the mischief was done. He got out of the
cart, and began to consider how he could play a
trick on the pope. By taking a cross road he
came out in front of the pope’s cart, Which soon
overtook him. The young man had turned his

(1) In another version of the story the young man replies :
1 Above is an a.. e, and below is a coynte » — « All right,
my friend; get out of my cart and go and f ..k yourself.
I cannot take you to my house. My wife would not let you
in, for she mortally detests all people who use filthy words. »
There is a flavour of rustic humour about this.

w“; , ‘4‘ .

4 Amman»

 

 

~96—

cloak. << Good day, batouchka >>. -— << Good day,
friend; where are you going? » — « The fact is,
batouchka, that I am seeking a place as man
servant. >) —— (< And I, my friend, am just look-
ing for a man. Come and live with me; but it
is on the condition that you never utter an inde-
cent word. Whichever of us lets fall an obscene
word, must pay a hundred roubles to the other.

Is that agreed? » — « So be it, batouchka. For
my own part, I cannot bear people who use
such words. » — << Well7 so much the better.

Seat yourself by my side, my friend. » _

The young man obeyed, and the cart took the
road to the Village. When they had gone some
little distance the pope lifted up the mate’s tail,
and pointing to the vulva with the handle of
his whip, said, << What is that, my friend? » -—
<< That is a prison, batouchka. » —— << Ah, my
lad, I have found in you the very man I was
seeking. » — On arriving at his house, the pope
entered with his companion, pulled up his wife’s
gown, and pointing with his finger to her slit,

asked : << And What is that, my friend? » —— << I
do not know, batouchka. I have never in all my
life seen anything so terrible. » — << Don’t be

afraid, my friend. That also is a prison. » Then
he called his daughter, tucked up her gown also,
and bidding the young man look at the charms
displayed, asked, << VVhatis that? » —— << A prison,
batouchka. » —— << No, my friend, it is a lock—up. »

 

__ 97 __

They sat down to supper, and the repast being
finished, went to bed. The man climbed on the
stove, took the pope’s socks, put them on
his own yard, and holding it in both hands,
began to hallo with all his might. << Batouchka!
I have caught a thief. Light a candle quickly. »
— The pope rose hurriedly and ran like a mad—
man across the room. << Don’t let him go! Hold
him tight, » he cried out to the servant. << Never
fear : he shall not escape >>. The pope lighted a
candle and approached the stove. Then he saw
the young man holding in his hands his yard,
wrapped up in a pair of socks. << Here he is,
batouchka. He has taken back your socks. We
must punish the rascal. >> —— << Have you lost
your senses? >> roared the pope. << No, batouchka,
but I will have no mercy shown to thieves. Get
up, matouchka, and we will put the rascal in
prison. » The pope’s wife rose. << Put yourself in
position, quickly, » cried the young man. Whe-
ther she liked it or not, the popadz'cz was forced
to obey, and the young man hastened to futter
her. At this sight the pope was in such a rage
that he could not help crying out, << VVhat are
you doing7 my friend? f..g? —— << Ah, batouchka,
you know what was agreed between as to ob—
scene words. Pay me a hundred roubles. >>

The pope was obliged to undo his purse
strings, but as to the young man he again grab—
bed hold of his member and began to abuse it.

7

Jwea-ww ‘:, . MW «

 

§
I
i ,
§ .7

 

—98—-

a That is not enough for you, you sooundrel. I
will put you in a still worse prison. Come along,
my dove, >> he added, addressing the pope’s
daughter : << Open your dungeon. >> He put
the young girl in the required position, and
proceeded to serve her as he had her mother. The
mother was indignant. << Don’t you see, batou-
chka » she said angrily to her husband, << that he
is f..g our daughter? >> ——— << Hold your tongue, »
replied the pope. << I have already paid a hun—
dred roubles for you, do you want me to pay
over again for her? No! let him do what he
likes, — I shall not say another word! » The
young man enjoyed himself to his heart’s con-
tent With the girl, after which the pope turned
him out of doors.

 

 

XLI
The suekin g-pig.

In a certain village there lived a pope —— a
very stupid man — who had a daughter so beau—
tiful that it was a pleasure to look at her. The
pope had also a man-servant, a strong lad.
When he had been about three months in the
pope’s service, a child was born to the wife of a
'rich peasant. The peasant invited the pope to
come and baptise the newly—born Child, and
assist at the repast which is given on such occa—
sions. << And I beg of you, batouchka, » he added,
<< to also bring your wife. Priests, it is well—
known, like to regale themselves at another man’s
table. >> The pope therefore harnessed his horse
to the cart, and started off with his wife, leaving
his daughter at home with the serving man. He
was hungry, and there were in the house two
sucking—pigs which the popadia had cooked.
a Listen to what I am about to tell you, » said the
man addressing his master’s daughter. << VVe will
eat these sucking—pigs whilst we are alone. » _.
« So be it. >> —-— He brought one of the sucking-
pigs, and he and the young girl ate it. << As to
the other, >> he said; << I will hide it under your
gown, so that it shall not be found, and a little
later we will eat it also. If the pope and the

v<—'§»~4

i
ii

33?
‘93:
AV

 

 

—IOO-'

popadz'a question us about these sucking—pigs,
we will both reply that the cat has eaten them. »
—— << But how will you hide it under my gown? >>
—- << That is not your business. I know how. »
—— a Very well; hide it. >> He ordered the young
girl to stoop down, tucked up her dress, and put
his yard into her slit. << Ah, you hide it very
well, » she said, << but how shall I get it out of
there? » — << Be easy. You have only to show it
some hay, and it will come out of its own
accord. »

In short, the servant—man trussed the pope’s
daughter so well, that she became pregnant; her
belly began to swell and every minute she was
going into the court—yard. The child moved about
in her womb, and she thought it was the sucking—
pig. She stood on the door steps, lifted up her
leg, and spreading some hay on the ground, called
(( Tchoukh, tchoukh, tchoukhl » << It will come
out, perhaps, n she thought, f<< If I call it thus. n

One day, the pope noticed her condition, and
had a conversation with his wife on the subject.
« Our daughter is in the family way; ask her
what rascal has managed to seduce her. n The
parents called their daughter ; << Annouchka,
come here! What is the matter with you? Why
are you so heavy? >> She looked at her father and
mother, but did not reply. << What are they asking
me? >> she thought. —- << Come; speak! How is it
that you are pregnant? » —— The young girl was

 

-—- IOI —

still silent. << Answer, you fool! How do you
come to have such a big paunch? >) —— <1 Oh,
mamma, I have a little pig in my belly : it was
the serving man who put it there. » At these
words, the pope struck his forehead, and dashed
out to 100k for the man, but he had taken care to
disappear from the house.

 

XLH
The spiritual father.

It was lent time; a peasant came to confess.
He put in a bag a billet of birch—wood, tied the
bag up with string, and went to the pope. << Well;
speak, my friend! What sins have you committed?
But what have you there? » —— << It is a white
sausage that I have brought you, batouchka. >>
—— << Ah, so much the better! It is frozen, I sup—

‘-:>-».-.e«n-w>~v- ~

anu'quup. «n<»~rw~g::u_w , _ : A ' A .t 'f- "n A A

l

1.?

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s 72
ngzé
4.

H,-

 

 

—102—

pose ? » —— << Yes, it has been in my cellar all the
time. >) — << Never mind: it will thaw. » — << I
have come to confess, hatouchka. Once when I
was at the mass, I fizzled. » — (< 15 that a sin?
\Vhy. one day it happened to me to f..t at the
altar. That is nothing. friend‘ Go, and may God
help you. » Then the pope undid the string which
fastened the bag, and saw that it only contained
a billet of birCh—Wood. << Oh, cursed fizzlerl
where i,» the white sausage? >. — < Don’t you
want a tool, you old farter? »

XLlll
The pope and the peasant.

In a certain country

 

to tell you the truth,
in the country in \\'thh we live — there dwelt
a mozzfi/z who was married to a young wife.
The peasant went to do some work a long dis-
tance off ; leaving his wife‘ Who was pregnant,
at home. The pope, Who had long lusted after
her, resolved to possess her by a trick. One day,
the woman came to confess to him. << Good day,
Mary, » said the priest. « “There is your husband
now?» << He is at work a long distance from
here, batouchka n —— a Oh, the rascal, how
could. he leave you in such a position. He has put
you in the family way, but he has; not finished

 

his work. At present, you will bring forth a
monster, — a child without arms or legs, —and
every one in the country side will point the fin-
ger of scorn at you. »

The peasant woman was very simple. (< What
is to be done, batouchka? Cannot you help me in
my misfortune? » — << I will try to remedy it, —
but is only for your sake, for I would not do
anything for your husband, at any price. >> —
a Do try to remedy it, batouchka, » implored the
woman; with tears in her eyes. — « Well! so be
it! I will complete your child for you. Come to
my coach—house this evening. I must go there to
get some fodder for the cattle, and I will attend
to your business. >> — << Thank you, batouchka! >>

The peasant woman came in the evening to
the pope’s coaCh—house. << Come my dear, lie
down on the straw. » She lay down and opened
her legs, and the pope futtered her six times.
Then he said : << Return home, and may God aid
you. Now all will be well. » The woman thanked
the pope profusely for his kindness, and went
away to her own house.

\Nhen the moujik returned home, his Wife
received him with most sullen looks. « Why do
you look so sulky? » he asked. — « Oh, leave
me alone! You can never do anything properly.
You left home without finishing the baby! Luck-

xily the pope took pity on me and put the last
touch, or I should have given birth to a mons—

 

 

._lo4__

ter. >) The moujik said that he had been cuckold—
ed by the pope. << Wait a bit! >> he thought,
« and I will have my revenge. »

When the time came, the peasant’s wife gave
birth to a boy. The husband went to the pope.
and begged him to come and baptise the newly-
born child. The priest duly performed the cere—
mony; then he sat down to table, and he found
the brandy excellent. )) << How good it is, » he said
to the master of the house. » << You ought to
send for my wife, she would be glad to taste it
also. » — a I will go and fetch her myself, batou—
chka » —— « GO'7 my friend. »

The peasant went and invited the popadia.
« Thank you for having thought of me. I will
dress myself at once, » she replied. She began her
toilet, and placed on a bench a pair of gold ear-
rings,which she had taken out before she washed
her face. Taking advantage of a moment when
her face was hidden in the towel, the mozg/i/r
snatched up the earrings and concealed them.
When she had finished washing, the popadia
looked for the earrings, but could not find them.
<< Have you taken them, moujik? )) she asked the
peasant. « How could I possibly take them,
matouchka? I saw them disappear, but I must
not tell you what became of them. >> — « No
matter; tell me. » —- « You were {seated on the
bench, matouchka, and your coynte swallowed
them. >> — « Could you not get them out again P»

 

 

".105—

— May be I could. To please you I will try! »
He trussed her, futtered her twice, and then put
one of the earrings on the end of his yard.
(< Here, 100k matouchka. I have found one. >> —

 

After two more operations of the same kind, the
other earring was also found. —- « You have
given yourself adeal of trouble, poor man, »
said the popadia, but I have another favour to
ask you. Two years ago we lost a copper pot :

.l
3
7’,
i
B
9

x?
-¥
1,.

 

 

—106—

try if that is there also. >> The peasant perform-
ed upon her twice more. a N0, matouchka, it is
impossible to get it. The pot is there, but it is
turned upside down, and there is nothing to lay
hold Of. n

This business being finished, the peasant re—
turned home accompanied by the pope’s wife.
When she took her place at the table, she said to
her husband : << Well, batouehka, I am sure you
must have been waiting for us a long time. » ——
« I should think so, >) replied the pope. << You, >>
he added addressing the moujik, << would be a
good sort of man to go and seek death. )) —
<< How could we help it, batouchka. My earrings
‘ were lost. I placed them on a bench; then I sat
down there, and my coynte swallowed them.
Very fortunately the moufz‘k found them again
for me. >> — These words showed the pope that
the peasant had paid him back in his own coin,
and you may guess how pleased he was at the
news.

ANOTHER VERSION

A moujik was obliged to undertake a journey
to Moscow. He was sorry to have to go whilst
his wife was pregnant, but there was no help
for it. << As it must be so, >> he said, « I will go
to Moscow, but during my absence be prudent
and circumspect in your conduct. >> Having thus

 

__ I07 __

spoken, he started off on his journey. This hap—
pened during lent. The woman wished to per—
form her religious duties, and so went to confess.
She was a pretty woman. « Why have you such
a big belly .3 asked the pope. -— << I have sinned,
batouohka 1 I lived with my husband, and be—
came pregnant, and now he has gone to Mos—

cow. » — « To Moscow? >)— << Yes, batouchka. »
— (k Will he stay there long? >> —— « About a
year. >> — « Oh, the rascal, he has begun a baby,

and has not finished it. That is a deadly sin.
There is only one thing for it; I am your spir-
itual father, andI must finish the child, but for
my trouble you must give me three pieces of
linen. >> — « Do me this kindness, >> implored
the woman. a Save me from this deadly sin, and
finish the baby. But as for that rascal when he
returns from Moscow, I will scratch out both his
eyes. » —— >> Well, my dear, I am ready to per-
form this service for you. The case is urgent; for
you Will be delivered before your husband’s re—
.turn. » Naturally the pope lost no time in per-
forming his promise.

But the priest was married, and even had two
daughters, and his great fear was that his wife
should hear about the affair. The peasant’s Wife
had been delivered a long time when her husband
come back from MOSCOW. VVhem she saw him
enter the {{ba she began to abuse him violently.
<< Oh, you son of a bitch ! You scoundrel I He

 

.J r a .-;,....,.r_..

,VHWAHA.“ fit v;»,r‘.
ml .. .VWHV. .W .. ~ H“, v A.

 

—108——

advised me tobe steady and well—behaved, and he
himself went away without finishing the baby
he had made! It was very fortunate for me that
the batouohka put the last touch; otherwise I
should have been in a pretty fix. « These words
left no doubt in the peasant’s mind, as to his con-
jugal mishap « Patience », he said to himself,
« that long—haired her‘etic will have to settle
accounts with me some day. »

Some time after that, the pope, who lived close
to the church, was celebrating mass. It was sum—
mer time, and the peasant was going to work in
his field. He had need of a harrow, and as the
pope possessed three, the peasant went to him
to ask for the loan of one. Being always afraid
that the moujik would tell his wife about his
pranks, the pope did not like to refuse him any-
thing. « Take them all three, >> he replied. —
« But they will not give them to me in your
absence, batouchka. Call out through the window
to the popadia to give me all three. » —— << Very
good, my friend : g0. »

The peasant presented himself to the pope’s
wife, and said. (( Madam, the batoucka has
ordered all three of you to give me your coyntes. ))
— « You must be out of your mind, friend. >> —
<< Ask him yourself. He has this minute told me
so. >> The popadz'a cried to her husband. << Pope!
do you wish us to give the moujik—P » -— a Yes,
yes, give him all three. >> There was nothing to be

 

__.109_

done but obey, and they did so. The peasant
futtered them one after the other; he began with
the popadia and ended with the youngest
daughter; then he returned home. When the
pope come back from the church, his wife loaded
him with abuse. << Oh, devil and heretic ! Are
you mad ?You have brought dishonour on both
your daughters. Had I been the only one it would
have been bad enough, but you ordered him to
have all three of us. » The pope tore his beard,
and rushed off to the moujik’s house. You shall
be brought to justice : you have dishonoured my
daughters. )) —— << Don’t be angry, batouchka, »
replied the peasant, « You like to finish other
people’s children, and what is more, accept pieces
of linen as the reward of your trouble. Now we
are quits. n The pope was reconciled with the
moujik, and thenceforth they were good friends.

ANOTHER VERSION

In another version of this story, it is an uncle
who finishes the child begun by his nephew.
Ivan seeks some method of paying out his uncle
Kouzma. One day the latter is absent from home,
and only the women are leftin the house.Vanka
takes a cord, fastens it to the horns of his cow,
and leads the animal through the village. His
aunt sees him through the window. << Certainly, »

ti“:
mg;
i
a?
.53
4.
34
..

 

 

-— 110—-

she says, << Vanka must be completely ruined ;-
he is going to sell his last cow. Daughter—in—law,
go and ask him where he is taking it P » The
young woman went into the street; << Where are
you taking the cow? she asked. —— << I am »
angry with my wife, >> replied Vanka, << and I will
give the cow to any one who will let me futter

her. —— « You go with him, daughter—in—law »,
said the aunt ; << it is not right that the cow
should fall into the hands of strangers >). — That

was also the daughter-in—law’s opinion. « Take
the cow into our court >>, she cried to Vanka.
He look the animal into his aunt’s stable and
fastened it to a pillar; then he threw the daugh-
ter—in—law on the straw, and afteEr having enjoy—
ed her7 he wanted to sew up her slit and took
a needle and cotton out of his pocket for that
purpose. She was frightened, and ran home as
quickly as possible.

<< VVelll Where is the cow ? >> asked the aunt.
(< Go yourself. » Replied the daughter-in—law,
amid her sobs. << If he had but futtered me, that
would have been all right, but not content with
that he wanted to sew up my slit. It was too
large, he said >> — << Then you go Matrechka >>,
the aunt said to her daughter. << If you lose your
virtue at least it will not be for nothing, for we
shall have the cow. >> Matrechka went to Vanka.
He laid her on the straw, futtered her, then
pulled out of his pocket a small knife. (< Oh, the

 

—--III——

old she-devil7 » he said. « No doubt she sent you
in order to spite me! Your slit is all flayed, and
though you are my cousin I will have no pity

on you. I am going to enlarge your gap with my
knife I << Matrechka was frightened,and ran back

 

to the izba in all haste. << Go yourself, you old
witch », said the girl, sobbing. (( He hurt me very
much, and then wanted to cut me open with his
knife. << If I should go, >> said the aunt, << what
do I risk? I am an old woman. >>

When she entered the stable, Vanka threw her
on the straw. Then he grinned, and said, « There

 

 

M112—

is plenty of snow in my cellar, » after which he
struck a match, and pretended to set fire to the
straw. The old woman ran away as fast as she
was able. Then Vanka took his cow home, and
went to meet his uncle. << Good day, dia—
dz'ozwhka, » he said, when they met. a Good day!
I am much obliged to you for having looked
after my household during my absence. » —
a Why, you have no hair on your head! >> ——
<< How can I help it? God took it from me! >> —
(< If you like, I can make it grow again? I have
but to Whisper two words in your clmpka, and
the thing is done. >> — Vanka then took his
uncle's cap, went behind a bush and s..t in the
cap ; then spread a little grass over the filth, and
put the cap on the old man’s head.‘ << Be sure,
uncle, that you wear it three days and never take
it of. >>

XLIV
The pope and his man.

A pope, Who was married, and had two daugh—
ters, had engaged a man-servant. In the spring,
he wished to make a pilgrimage. a Look here,
friend, >> he said to this man before leaving. a You
must by my return have dug up all the kitchen
garden, and made the flower-beds. » — a Very
good, batouchka. >> During the absence of his

amnfza. f: . ,

 

‘5‘:

 

, .il $1., , , 1 i5!!!" V a. Lit!!! ,k \\... , ..l , ‘ . §-

EEI :1? v‘ a. .. | . \ 3

 

 

 

 

~113—

master. the man did scarcely any work in the
garden; at the most he had but turned over a bit
of ground here and there with a pick; the greater
part of the time he had spent in idling and amuse—
ment.

When he returned home, the pope went with
his wife to Visit the kitchen—garden, and found it
almost as he had left it. << Friend, don’tyou know,
how to dig a garden? » —— a No. The fact is I don’t
know. If I had known I should have done it. » —
<< Very well friend :you go to the house and ask
my daughters for a spade, and I will show you
how to dig. n The man went to the parsonage,
and said point blank to his master's daughters.
a Young ladies, your father orders you both to
give me your >> —- << What? )) — « You know
what! Your coyntes. >> The pope’s daughters
rated him soundly. « There is no cause to abuse
me. The batouchka wants you to make haste
as I must not waste my time here : I have all the
garden-beds to dig. If you don’t believe me, ask
him yourselves. »

One of the two sisters ran out on the steps.
a Batouchka, » she cried, << did you order me to

give that to the man-servant? » — (( Yes, give it
quickly; why are you keeping him? )) —— (< Well,

sister, )) said the girl, as she returned into the
room; << there is nothing for it but to obey,since
our father has ordered it. n — Then they both

lay down7 and the man—servant did as he wished.
8

 

 

_ 114—...

Then he took a spade that was in the hall, and
ran to the kitchen—garden, where his master was
awaiting him.

After he had shown the man-servant how to
dig up the beds, the pope returned to the house,
with his wife, and found both his daughters in
tears. é< Why are you weeping? » — <( How can
we do otherwise, batouchka? You yourself order-
ed us to be outraged by the man-servant. » —-
<< What do you mean by outraged? )) — << Yes,
you ordered us to give him.... >> —— << VVelL
what? I ordered you to give him a spade. » —
<< A spade? He has dishonoured us both, and
caused us to lose our innocence. >>

On hearing these words, the pope flew into a
violent rage; he seized a pickaxe, and ran
straight off to the garden. The servant—man gues—
sed that harm was intended him, when he saw
his master advancing toward him, armed with a,
pickaxe, so he dropped his spade and ran away
as fast as he could. The pope pursued him, but
the man ran the faster, and was soon out of
sightNVishing to catch the scoundrel, the priest
accosted a peasant he met on the road. << Good
day, friend. » — « Good day, batouchka. >> —
« Have you met a servant-man 0n the road? »
— << I don’t know : I passed a lad who was

flying like an arrow. » —— << That is he! Come
with me, moujik, and help me to catch him, and
I will reward you for your trouble. >> —— << VVil-

 

 

——115——

lingly, batouchka. » —They started off together.
A Tsigane happened to pass. « Good day, Tsi-
gane, >> said the pope. — « Good day, batouchka.»
— a Have you passed a lad on your road? >> —
<< I saw one, bulmetka, who passed by me with
the rapidity of lightning. >> — a That is the man!
Help us to catch him and I Will be grateful to
you » — << VVillingly, batouchka. >> They all
three started off together.

During this time the man—servant had changed
his clothes, and now presented himself to the
pope in a fresh dress. The pope did not reco—
gnise him, and asked, a Well, friend, did you

meeta moujik on your road? » — << Yes, he took
refuge in such and such a Village. » — « Come,
friend! help us to find him! >> ——— << Willingly,

batouchka. All four set off to look for the pope’s
man—servant. They arrived at a Village, after walk-
ing all day, but they had not caught him when
night came on. Where were they to sleep? They

came to a house where a widow lived, and asked
her if they might stay there. << Good people, »

replied the Widow, << there has been a flood in
my house; and you stand a chance of being
drowned! >> But they pleaded so hard, that she
ended by giving them hospitality.

It should be mentioned that the widow’s lover
had promised to come and see her that night.
The four men entered the igba, and all settled
themselves to sleep the best way they could.

 

 

—116—

<< Suppose there should be a flood?» the pope
said to himself. In case such a thing should

occur: he placed a large trough on a table, and
then got in it. « If a flood should happen, »

he thought, << the trough will float on the water. >>
— The Tsigane lay on the hearth of the stove,
with his head in the ashes; the moujik stretched
himself on a bench which was in front of the
table; as to the pope’s servant, he ‘took his
place on a stool near the window.

As soon as they lay down, all the travellers
closed their eyes. The servant was the only one
who did not sleep. He heard some one approach
the window; then he heard the words, << Open,
my love. >> It was the widow’s gallant who came
to see her. The servant rose, opened the window,
and said to the visitor; << Ah, my dear, you
arrive very inopportunely. I have strangers lodg-
ing in my house. Come to—morrow night. » —
<< All right, my dear; but lean out of the win-
dow that I may kiss you at least. » — The ser-
vant turned his back to the window and presen—
ted his a..e to the lover, who covered it with
kisses. (< Adieu, dearest, I will come and see
you to morrow night. Take care of yourself. >>
— « Come, my love : but before you leave, dear—
est, let me take your yard in my hands; that
will be a solace for me. >> The lover lugged out
his tool and approached the window. << Here it
is, dear : caress it. >) The servant took in his

 

_ 117—.

hand the object which was presented to him, and
caressed it several times, then, pulling his knife
out of his pocket, he cut the genital parts of the
gallant clean off. The lover uttered loud
screams, and returned home more dead than
alive.

The servant closed the window, sat on the
bench, and began to wag his jaws as though he
were eating something. The moujik, hearing the
noise, awoke. << What are you eating, friend? »
he asked. — << Oh, I found on the table a piece
of sausage, but I cannot manage to eat it; it is
not cooked. » —— << That doesn’t matter, friend;
let me taste. >> —— « There is not too much for
me; but never mind, I will give you a bit : enjoy
it. >> — And he gave the yard he had CII'C off to
the moujik. He greedily carried it to his mouth,
but try as he might his teeth would make no
impression on the supposed sausage. << I give it
up, friend, » he said. « It can’t be eaten: it is
raw meat. » — Well, put it in the stove, and
when it is cooked, you can eat it. » — .The mou—
jik approached the stove with the sausage, which
he put in the Tsigane’s mouth, and after having
left it there a long time, again tried to eat it. »
~— << No, it is impossible! This sausage is too
raw; even the fire has no effect on it. n —-
<< Well, that will do, leave it there; if the mis-
tress of the house hears you, she will grumble.
The fire must be spread about the stove; pour

 

 

—118——

some water on it, that our hostess may not see
what you have been doing. >> — « But where
shall I find some water? » — « Oh, piss on it,
that is better than going into the court. >> The
moujik followed this advice, and well watered
the Tsigane’s Visage. This made, the Tsigane
imagine that a flood was taking place, and he
cried with all his might, « Hallo, batouchka, we
are being drowned. »

His cries awoke the pope, who immediately
tried to set his improvised cradle afloat, and he
and the trough came tumbling t0 the floor. << Oh,
Lord! »' groaned the priest, who had broken all
his ribs, << when a little child tumbles, Provi—
dence puts a cushion under it to break its fall,
but when the same accident happens to an old
man, the devil brings him an harrow. All my
bones are broken. I am sure I shall never find
my rascal of a servant. » — a You would do
well not to look after him, >> remarked the ser-
vant. << You had better go home and get your
wounds dressed. »

ANOTHER VERSION

A pope had hired a man-servant, and said to
him one morning : << We will have a bit to eat7 and
then we will go and thresh the wheat. >> They sat
at table and ate a rapid breakfast, and the pope’s

 

_.... 119....

wife then brought three eggs; two for her hus—
band, and one for the servant. The meal being
finished, the two men went off to the barn, and.
each took a flail and began to work. But where
the pope struck two blows, the servant struck
but one. The priest remarked this, and was dis—
satisfied with the servant. « Is this a joke, friend?
Ithresh properly, but you only toy with your
work. My flail does twice as much work as
yours. » —- « Batouchka, » replied the servant,
« at breakfast you ate two eggs and I but one;
that is why I have less strength. >> (( Why did you
not say so before, friend? I would have ordered
my wife to give you a second egg. Go to the
house, and tell her to give you one, and when
you have eaten it you can come back. »

The servant threw down his flail, ran to the
l‘gba, and said to the master’s Wife : << Matouchka!
the pope orders you' to give me.... » — « Give
you what? » —— « You can guess what, your
person. Only make haste for the batouchka or-
dered me to return at once. >> — « Have you
lost your senses, cursed rogue? What are you
saying? » —- (< Oh! well, ask the pope himself
if you do not believe me. n -— The popaa’ia went
into the court. « Batouchka! )> she cried, « do
you want me to give that to the man? » ——
r< Haven’t you given it yet! » replied the pope.
<< Make haste, do not detain him ; he must come
back and work. >> — The popadz'a returned

 

 

“120—-

into the house. << No; you did not deceive me, »
she said to the servant. and lay down on the
bench in front of the table. The lad performed
lustily; after which, fearing to be surprised by
the pope, he made haste away, but in jumping
over the table he left behind him some tell—tale
drops. Of course he did not return to the barn.

The pope, however, who was still threshing
the wheat, said to himself, << How is it that the
man does not return P I must go and look after
him. » He then walked into the [ng and asked
his wife : << Where is the servant? ‘1) — « As
soon as the’ business was finished, he left. >> —
The priest thought that the popadz'tz meant the
egg : he approached the table, noticed the liquid
that was spilled thereon7 and said to his wife :
(< It is evident you gave him a boiled egg, but
he did not eat it properly: he has let some of the
white fail on the table ("1). »

The popddz'a looked, and then cried: (t The
rascal! When he left me. he jumped over the
table, and then, no doubt, these drops came from
his tool. I must Clean up the mess. )) — << What?
’VVhat? >> asked the pope. << What did he do to
you? n —-— << Why he did as you ordered him I

(1) In another version he approaches the table and says:
<< Ah, mother, you have eaten an omelette With the set—
Vilnt, Isee, but you have spilled some of the White. « There-
upon he sprinkles some salt on the supposed White of egg,
and licks it up, and thus ends the tale.

 

~121—

he futtered me. » On hearing this, the pope tore
his long hair, and reproached his wife bitterly :
a Oh, cursed whore! n Then he harnessed his
horse and set off in pursuit of the man-
servant.

The latter seeing his master coming, hastily
daubed himself with mud, and when he had
made himself unrecognizable, advanced to meet
the priest. << Good day, batouchka! » —— << Good
day, friend. » —— «Where are you going? >> —
(( I am looking for my man-servant. » —— << Take
me with you. n ~ << But who are you. » —
(< Griaznoff. » —— u Be it so ; we willjourney
together. >> The two set off, and on the road
they met a Tsigane, who also asked permission
tojoin them. The three travelled together. They
had arrived near a river when night fell. On the
river bank was a little house, in which lived a
widow whom her lover came to see at night.
They begged her to let them lodge in her house.
At first she refused. << It is quite impossiblel To
night my house will be flooded, and you will all
be drowned in your sleep. )) —- << Oh no! we shall
find means to escape the flood. Finally the widow
gave way, and consented to receive the travellers
in her house.

The pope installed himself in the shed1<< Here, n
he thought, << I shall surely be in safety. The
water will not reach to this height. >> The Tsigane
hooked a trough to the ceiling and lay down

 

‘ i
a
i

f : 3
Z!
I

 

—122—

therein after having provided himself with a
knife. << If the inundation should take place, »
he thought, << I will cut the cords which support
the trough, and it will float on the water. The
woman of the house slept on the stove. The man—
servant suspected that she had a lover, and pla—
ced himself near the window. << IfI am drowned,
so much the worse, » he said, u one can but die
once. >> During the night he heard some one
approach the window. << Who goes there? » —-
u It is I, >> replied the lover. -—— « Well, have you
brought anything P » — « I have brought half a
bottle of brandy, and some chitterlings. » ——
<< Very good ; give them here. » The other obeyed.
Then the servant said: << I cannot receive you
this evening, for I have travellers staying here,
but let me at least hold your tool in my hands
for a minute, and that will console me. The lover
exhibited his member; the servant laid hold of it
roughly and then looked round to see he could
not finda stick wherewith to haste the visitor’s
ribs : by chance his hand fell on a knife with which
he cut the yard of the lover clean of, who return-
ed home in a most lamentable condition.

The servant at once set to work to empty the
bottle and eat the chitterlings, but popes have
keen noses for such things I The batouchka awoke
« Griaznoff » he cried, « what are you eating? »
—~ « Chitterlings. )) —— << Give me one. » —— The
servant gave him the gallant’s tool that he had

 

cut off. The pope tried in vain to bite it, and was
obliged to return it to the servant. << It is too hard »,
he remarked. «It has never been cooked. »
Then they all went to sleep again,~but the ser—
vant thought of another trick. He climbed up to
the loft, and began to piss on the pope’s face.
« The water is rising ». a We shall be drowned »
cried the priest, and fell heavily to the floor.
On hearing this, the Tzigane cut the cords which
held the trough in which he was lying, and he
too fell with a bang to the ground. They picked
themselves up, both more on less bruised, and
made off as fast as they were able. As to the man-
servant he now lives with the widow (1)

(1) In yet another version a cobbler is travelling alone ;
atailor meets him, and says: « Good day 1 A goodjourney
to you. » « Good day. n—— (( May I accompany you? » —-—
« So be it! come With me. » They journey together and
meet a German, who says, « Good day! A good journey
to you, friends. Will you accept me as a companion? » —
a Can you be our companion? XVe are Russians and you
are a German. » — a Let me come with you, friends. » ——
« Very well: come. )1 (The remainder of the story differs
little from that just given.) The travellers stop at a widow’s
house to pass the night, notwithstanding the objections
raised by the mistress of the house. The cobbler lies near
the window, the tailor on a bench near the stove, and the
German in a trough which he has previously fastened to
the ceiling. The widow’s lover arrives. « Dearest, » he
says, « at least let me kiss you. » The cobbler presents
his a..e, and the lover kisses it. « What large chops you
have, n he remarked. Then the cobbler p...s...s in the Ger-
man’s mouth, and makes him tumble to the ground (as‘ in
the previous version). << The German is a sly fox, » says
the cobbler, « but we have caught him all the same. n

7"... ?-Ag.

 

 

_124_.

XLV

The pope’s family, and the
man-servant.

In our country there lived a pope who had a
Wife, three daughters, and a man-servant. The
latter wanted to obtain the favours of his master’s
daughters, but he did not dare to speak boldly.
There came a feast day; the servaht took a sauce—
pan and carried it to the coach—house, then he put
some water in the saucepan, lighted a fire, and
began to boil the water. When the pope returned
from saying mass, he sat at table with his wife and
daughters, and asked, << VVhereis the man? )) — « He
has been working in the coach—house ever since
the morning, >> replied the popadz'a. << What!
impious wretch! you set him to work to—day? a day
like this? Have you not the fear of God before
your eyes? >> — << We did not send him, he went
himself. » << Go and fetch him, » said the pope
to his eldest daughter; << tell him to come to
dinner >>.

The young woman ran to the coach-house.
<< Vhat are you cooking there? » she asked. —
<< Something good. » — << Let me taste! » ——
(c Let me futter you! » —— The pope’s daughter
tucked. up her clothes and the lad futtered her,

 

_125__.

after Which he gave her some ofhis stew. » —V\7hy,
it is water! » she said, and ran away. The pope,
when he saw her return to the igba, said: << Why
does not the man come? » —— << He is at work. »
— « F0011 you ought to have told him to leave
off and come to dinner. You go and fetch him, ))
he added addressing his second daughter, << and
bring him here. >> The young girl went at once to
the coach-house, and put the same question as her
sister had done : « What are you cooking, gar-
dener? » —— « Something good! » —-—— << Let me
taste. » — << Let me futter you ! » She consented,
and when the ladhad futtered her, he let her taste
his stew. << Why, it is water! » she said, and re—
turned in haste to the house. << Well! where is the
man? » asked the father. — << He won’t come, he
is still busy. » The pope sent his youngest daughter
to the coach—house, and she in her turn, asked,
« What are you cooking ? n — << Something good!
—— Let me taste. » — «z Let me roger you, just
once. >3 —— The young girl was as willing as her
sisters, and in return the man let her drink some
of the water out of his saucepan, after which she
returned to the igba. << You are all fools, » said
the pope angrily, << you go, wife, and tell the man
to come at once. »

The popadia then went to the coach-house.
« What are you messing with there? >> she began.
— « Something delicious. » — « Let me taste a
mouthful. » « If you will allow me to grindyou. ))

 

 

~126—

The popadia at first refused, but the man was
obstinate, and as she had a great desire to know
what he was cooking, she let herself be futtered
to obtain the favour of tasting a little water.
<< Well, matouchka, n then asked the servant, « is
my stew good? » —— He emptied the saucepan

(/J—fi

“W

 

and went in to dinner. << Why did you not come
before you fool? » said the pope; « it is a sin to
work to—day. )) — A11 sat down to table, and a pie
was served : the pope cut it up and distributed a
slice to each guest. The popadia offered hers to
the servant : « Here, » she said. << I will give you
my share for what you didjust now I » The girls
hastened to imitate their mother and « Here, gar-
dener, >> said all three, handing him their slices of

 

~~.127—

pie, << That is for what you did just now. n The
pope seeing this, did the same : << Here, take my
share, for what you did just now. >> << What I did
he futter you too ! » the popadia asked her hus—
band. — << And you, has he futtered you? » ——
<< I should think so, rather, » replied .all four
women together. The pope then flew into a Vio—
lent rage, and turned the servant out of doors.

XLVI
The comb.

A pope had a daughter who was still innocent.
When the spring came, he saw about having his
hay cut, but he arranged with each of his work-
men that he should not pay him if his daughter
could leap over the hay he had cut. Many of
them accepted these conditions, and were obliged
to return home without touching any wages for
their work ; for as soon as they had mown agood—
sized heap of hay, the pope’s daughter came and

jumped over it.
At last a bold lad presented himself, and offered

to cut the priests hay; he was told the condi-
tions, accepted them, and began to work. When
he had cut a certain quantity of hay, he made a
heap of it, and lay down beside it; then he pulled
out his yard, and made it stand. Just then the

 

 

—128—~

pope’s daughter came to see how he was working,
and finding him thus engaged, asked; « What are
you doing, moujik? » —— << Seeing to my comb. »
—— « What do you comb with that? » — « If you
like, I will comb you; lie down on the hay. )) -
The girl did so, and the man combed her in a way
that can be guessed. —— << What a good comb! »
said the popovna when she got up. Then she
tried to jump over the hay, but only succeeded
in soiling her linen.

She went to her father, and said, « The heap is
too big, I cannotjump over it. >>-——<< Ah! daughter,
then surely we have found an excellent man. I
will engage him for a year. » —— When the mou—
jik demanded his wages, the pope would not
consent to let him go. <( I wish to keep you for
a year my friend. >> — << Very good, batouchka. »

The labourer therefore, remained in the pope’s
house, to the great satisfaction of the popovna,
who came to him at night, and said, « Comb me
a little! » —— « No, I will not comb you for
nothing; give me a hundred roubles, and then you
can buy the comb. >> — The young girl went,
and fetched a hundred roubles, and gave them to
the man, who after that, combed' her every night.

But some time afterwards, the moujik had a
quarrel with the pope, and he asked for his
money, and left. The popozma was not at home
at the time. When she returned to the house,
she asked where the man was. a He has left »,

 

H129—

replied the pope. (< I paid him what I owed him
and he went away. » — << Oh, father, what have
you done? He has taken my comb with him. »
Thereupon the girl started in pursuit of the
young man, and overtook him on the banks of a
little brook. He had tucked up his trousers,
and was preparing to ford the brook. a Give me
my comb! n cried the popovna. The moujik
picked up a stone, and threw it into the water.
« Take it n he cried, after which he crossed to
the other side of the brook, and ran away as
fast as he could. The young girl tucked up her
skirts, entered the water, and began to search
for the comb, but though she groped all over
the bed of the brook, it was lost labour.
Presently there chanced to pass, a barine in
his carriage. (( What are you looking for, my
dear? », he asked. — « A comb; I bought it for
a hundred roubles from our man-servant, but,
when he left our house, he took it away with
him. I started off after him, and when I caught
him, he threw it into the water. )) 'I‘he barine
got out of his carriage, took off his trousers, and
entered the water to search for the girl’s comb.
All at once his tool caught‘the girl’s eye, she
seized it with both hands, and cried : « Ah,
barine, you ought to be ashamed of yourself!
There is my comb! Give it me! » —— « What are
you doing, you shameless wretch! », cried the
other. « Let me go. » — « No, it is you who are
9

 

 

_130.....

shameless! You want to take what doesn‘t belong
to you. Give me my comb. » And still holding
the barine by the tool, the popomm led him back
to her father’s house.

The pope was at the \VindOW, and saw his
daughter arrive holding the barine by the most
tender part Of his body, whilst she cried, << Give
me back my comb, rascal. » — (( Batouchkal
save me from a death I have not deserved, and
I will never forget you, » said the poor man,
supplicatingly. What was to be done P The priest
quickly pulledhis yard. out of his trousers, showed
it at the window to his daughter, and cried :
<< Daughter! :daughterl here is your comb! n

<< Yes that is mine really, >> she cried. << Yes,
it is red at the tip. And I was stupid enough to
think the barine had taken it! >> With that she
let go her Victim, and rushed into the house. The
barine made offas fast as he could.

As soon as she was in the house, the pope's
daughter asked; << Papa, where is my comb? >)
—— Her father scolded her soundly. (( Oh, you
good—for-nothing! >> And then he cried to his wife :
« Look, matouchka! she has lost her honour. »
u Enough, batouchka, >> replied the wife to her
husband, >> look into the matter yourself, and put
it in order. « The pope instantly took off his trou—
sers and futtered his daughter. When he was at
the height of the enjoyment, he whinnied, and
cried, a No, no! our daughter has not lost her

 

honour. » —— (< Batouchka! » said the popadz‘d,
<< pick up her honour again. >> —— « Be easy, matou-
chka, it will not fall out, I have driven it well
in. But our daughter is still young: she does not
know how to lift up her legs properly. >> -
<< Lift them higher, my child! higher! » said the
mother. << Ah, matouchka, » —— replied the pope,
<< She is still all in a heap. >) Thus did the
popovna find her comb again, and henceforth the
pope slept with both his wife and his daughter.

 

 

 

”132..

XLVII

Making it warm.

A moujik had three sons, the two eldest were
intelligent, but the youngest was a fool. << My
dear Children >>, said the father; << how will you
support me, now that I am old? » « By our
labour >>, said the two eldest, but the youngest,
—- like the fool that he was, — replied : << By
what could I support you better than by my
tool? >> '

The next day, the eldest son shouldered his
scythe, and started off to find some hay to cut.
On the road, he met the 'pope, who asked him
where he was going. « I am looking for work, ))
he replied. << I want to hire myself out to cut
hay. >> — u Come home with me, >> replied the
pope, << but there are conditions. I will give you
a hundred roubles if my daughter cannot jump
over the hay you can cut in the day, but if she
can, you will not have a kopeck. » — << There’s
no danger of her jumping over it, >> thought
the lad, and he accepted the proposed arrang—
ment.

The pope led him to the field, and said, << This
is the place, my man, begin and mow. » The
young man set to work immediately, and when

 

 

~. nu- ““1“ :g»,.:.,,

133
evening came, he had mown a heap of quite
enormous size. But the pope’s daughter came and
jumped over it, and the young man returned
home quite despondent.

The same luck happened to the second brother.
(( Very well, » said then the youngest7 (( I must
go and find some work for my prickle. » He took
his scythe, and set off, and also met the pope,
who engaged him “on the same conditions as his
elder brothers. The fool began to mow but when
he had cut one or two sways along the field, he
took off his trousers and lay down, with his
backside in the air. V

The pope’s eldest daughter came. << \Nhy are
you not mowing, my lad? >> she asked. — (( One
minute! just letvme get some heat in my a.. e so
that I shall not be cold in the winter. )) _ (t Warm
mine for me too, please. In the winter we travel
a good deal, and are always shivering with
cold. » — « Turn your backside, then, andI will
put some warmth into it. » The girl put herself
in the proper position and the fool brandished
his flapper and put some warmth into the popov—
na’s slit, until she sweated great drops. << There,
that is enough, )) he said at last; << now you
have enough to last you all the winter. >> She ran
home. a Ah, my clears, >) she cried to her sis-
ters, << the man—servant has well warmed my
a.. e for me. He and I are both dripping with
sweat. >> The two younger sisters hastened in

 

 

#134.—

their turn to the man—servant, and were supplied
with warmth for the winter; but as 'far as mow—
ing the field was concerned he hardly did any
work at all. .

The pope came with his eldest daughter, and
seeing how little hay had been cut, said in a
tone of assurance: (< My man, you had better
return home. My daughter will have no trouble
in jumping over that little bit. » — a That
remains to be seen. >> The pope ordered his
daughter to jump, but the moment she lifted
up her dress to obey her father’s commands, a
stream of liquid ran all down her leg. << You
see, >> observed the young man, << that you spoke
tOO hastily. >)

The pope was vexed and sent for his two
other daughters. << If none of the three can jump
over the hay, » he said to the young man, << I
will give you a hundred roubles for each, of
them. » —— « Very good. >> But it happened to
the two younger daughters as it had happened to
the elder. After having received three hundred
roubles from the pope, the fool returned home.
« Look here, >> he said to his family, <( what I
have gained With my pricklel See how much
money it has broug t in E .»

 

XLVHI
The burial of the dog (and the goat).

A certain moujik had a dog. Being annoyed
with the animal, he took it into a wood, and fas—
tened it to an oak—tree. The dog began to scratch
with its paws, till at last the tree was so under—
mined, that it was blown down by the wind. The
next day, the peasant went to the wood; the idea
came to him that he would like to look at the
dog. She went to the place where the dog was
tied, and what did he see? The tree thrown
down, and in the hole made by the torn-up roots
was a large pot full of gold.

The peasant, delighted at this wind—fall, re-
turned home as quickly as he could, and came
back again with a cart, in which he placed the
treasure and also the dog. When he arrived
home, he said to the women of his household :
<< Listen! I expect that henceforth you will treat
my dog with the greatest respect. If you do not
take care of him, or if you let him want food,
you will get into trouble with me. ))

In obedience to this order, the women paid
every attention to the dog, they bestowed upon it
the most delicious food, they made it a soft bed
and petted it in all sorts of ways. As to the master

@-

 

 

— 130 ~—

of the house he trusted no one but the dog : when—
ever he had to leave home, he hung his keys
round the dog’s neck.

But after some time, the animal fell ill, and
died. The peasant determined to pay it funeral
honours. He took five thousand roubles, and
went to the pope. (( Batouchka, my dog is dead,
and he has left you a legacy of five thousand
roubles, on condition that you give him christian
burial. >> << Very good, my friend! I am not
allowed to bring him into the Church, but I can

V bury him all the same. Do you get all ready, and

I will come to-morrow and see the corpse re-
moved. »

The moujik made a coffin and placed the car-
cass of the dog therein; the next morning there
came the pope, accompanied by the deacon and
the Choir, all Clad in their church robes. They
performed the burial service, and carried the dog
to the cemetery and placed it in a grave. The
pope was obliged to give part of the money he
had received to his assistants, but he distributed
it in so niggardly a fashion that the Choristers,
out of spite, informed the bishop that Christian
burial had been given to a dog. “

The prelate summoned the pope to appear
before him. << How it is you have dared, >> he
said, << to bury a. wretched cur? >> and he put the

pope in prison. Then the peasant took ten thou- .

sand roubles, and went to the bishop to obtain

9“

 

_I37___

the pope’s release. « What is your want? >) asked
the bishop. — « My dog is dead, » replied the
moujik, << and. he bequeathed ten thousand rou-
bles to your Holiness, and five thousand to the
pope. »» ~— << Yes, my son, I had heard of it, and ‘
ifI put the pope in prison, it was because the im-
pious wretch did not carry the dog’s body to the
Church. He ought to have saida mass for him. »
The prelate took the ten thousand roubles be-
queathed to him by the dog, and not content
with merely setting the pope at liberty, named
him archdeaeon ; as to the choristers, he had
them incorporated in the militia.

ANOTHER VERSION

An old man lived alone With his wife; they
had no children and no animals except an he—goat.
The old man followed no trade; he made a few
bark shoes, and that was his only means ofexis-
tence. The goat was used to his master’s ways,
and followed him whenever he went out. One day,
the old man went to the wood to seek for bark,
and the goat followed him. They came to the
wood7 and the 01d peasant began to teareff the
bark of the lime-trees ; meanwhile the goat brow-
sed here and there. Suddenly its fore-feet sunk in
some loose earth, it commenced to struggle, and
in so doing unearthed a pot full of gold.

 

 

._.I38__..

Seeing the goat scratching the ground, the old
man approached, and perceived the treasure.
Filled with unspeakable joy, he threw away the
bark, took the precious pot, and conveyed it
home. « See, old man >> said his wife to him.
when she had heard about the find. << God has
sent us this fortune in our old age, as a recom-
pense for the poverty we have suffered so many
years. Now we can enjoy a time of ease. >> ——
« No, old woman, >> replied her husband. << This
money was found, not by us, but by the goat:
consequently7 we should take great care of him,
and look after his welfare before thinking of our
own >>.

From that time, the old man and his wife applied
themselves to making the goat comfortable, but
they also lived well ; the old man forgot how to
dress bark; in short, from that day, they lived
in ease, and free from every care‘ Some time
afterwards the goat died. The husband consulted
with his wife, as to what ought to be done under
the Circumstances. << If, » he said, << we should
throw the goat to the dogs we should be guilty
of sin in the eyes of God and men, for it is to him
we owe our happiness. It would be better to go to
the pope, and beg him to give the goat christian
burial, as they do to other corpses. »

Thereupon, the old man went off to the pope.
a Good day, batouchka >> he began, and making
a low bow. — << Good day, my friend! What

‘5,

 

._.139_..

news? >> —— << Oh, batouchka, I have come to ask
a favour of your Holiness. My goat is dead, and
I wish to ask you to bury it. n — On hearing
this, the pope flew into a Violent rage, he seized
the old man by the beard, and shook him Violent—
1y. << Oh, cursed wretch, what are you thinking
of? Bury a stinking goat! » — « But, batouchka,
the goat was quite orthodox. He has left you
two hundred roubles. » —7- « Listen, you old
grey—beard», replied the priest. << If I smite you,
it is not because you ask me to bury your goat,
but because you have deferred informing me of
his death until this moment. Perhaps he has
already been dead a long time. » And after
he had pocketed the peasant’s two hundred
roubles, the pope continued : << Now go at once
and find the elder deacon; tell him to prepare
everything, and we will come at once and bury
the goat. » ,;

The old man went to the deacon and said : << Be
good enough, father deacon, to come to my house
to prepare a funeral. » ~— << Who then is dead
at your house? >> — << Why, you know my old
goat, it is he who is dead >>. « What I » said the
deacon, and he gave his visitor at good buffet on
the head. —- << Do not beat me, father deacon, »
replied the peasant, « my goat was quite ortho-
dox, and when he died he left you a hundred
roubles for performing the funeral )). — « Oh,
what a fool you are, although you are so old »

 

 

_. 140——

said the deacon. (< Why did you not tell me
before that he died a good christian P Go quickly
to the sexton, and tell him to toll the bell for the
goat’s funeral. »

The old man went to the sexton. « Go and
‘ ring » he said, << for the death of my goat. ))
The sexton was angry, and gripping the old
man’s beard, shook him Violently. << Leave g0,
please, » cried the Visitor. << My goat was ortho—
dox. He left you fifty roubles for his funeral. »
— « Why did you not say so before? If I had
only known that I should long ago have tolled
the bell for him. » Having thus spoken, the sex—
ton hurried off to the church and tolled the bell
lustily.

The pope and the deacon came and performed
the burial service at the old man’s house; after
which they put the goat in a coffin and went and
buried it inkthe cemetery. However, the affair
was bruited about the parish, and the bishop at
last heard that Christian burial had been given
to a goat. The pope and the peasant were sum-
moned to appear‘ before the bishop. << What! ))
he said to them; << Have you dared to burya
goat? Impious wretches that you are! >> —— « But
this goat was not at all like others, » remarked
the old man. « Before he died, he bequeathed a
thousand roubles to your Grace. » -- « Why, you
old fool7 what I am reproaching youwith is not
the fact that you had him buried, but that you

’u

 

—I4I—

allowed him to die without the sacraments. » The
bishop took the thousand roubles, and sent away
the two accused persons acquitted of the charge
brought against them.

 

XLIX

The sentence concerning the cows.

In a Village there lived a pope and a moujik ;
the former possessed seven cows, the latter had
but one, and even that was lame. But a pope is ”
naturally covetous, and this one sought some
means by which he could appropriate the mou-
jik’s only COW. « That Will make eight, » he said
to himself.

 

 

._I42_._.

One day when it was a festival, and all the
peasants had come to the church, the pope left
the altar, and pretending to read from a book
that was open before him, pronounced these
words in a loud voice : « Listen, my brothers I If
any one will give a cow to hisrspiritual pastor, God
will reward him according to his infinite good-
ness, and this. single cow will bring him seven
others I

Our moujick, who was amongst the worship-
pers, said to he inself on hearing these words.
(( Of what use is our single cow? She does not
give enough milk for all the family. I will do as
it says in the Scriptures, and offer my cow to
the pope. Perhaps God will reward me for it. »
As soon as the mass was over, the moujik retur—
ned home, put a cord round the cow’s horns, and
led her to the priest’s house. « Good day, ba-
touchka, >> he said on entering. — (( Good day,
friend! Have you any good news to tell P » —
<< I was at church to-day, and I heard that it says
in the Scriptures : If any one gives a cow to his
spiritual father it will bring him seven others.
Very well, batouchkal I come to offer my cow
to your Holiness. » — « Quite right, friend; I
see that you listen to the holy word. God will
reward you sevenfold. Take your cow to the
cow—house, friend, and put it along with mine. »

The peasant complied, but when he returned
home, his wife reproached him bitterly. << Why,

 

“—143"—

you rascal, have you given the brown cow to the
pope? I suppose you want us to die of hunger,
like dogs P» — « What a fool you are, » replied her
husband. (< Did you not hear what the pope said
at the church ?VVait a bit, and ourvcow will be
restored with seven others, and then you can
have as much milk as you like. >>

The peasant remained all the winter without a
cow. When the spring came, the cows were sent
to pasture in the fields, the pope’s cows being
amongst the number. At night—fall the cow-herd
drove the cows back to the Village, and they went
to their proper and respective cow—houses ; but the
one that the moujik had given to the pope retur~
ned, by force of habit, to its old masters house,
and the priest’s seven cows were so used to their
new companion that they followed it into the
peasant’s courtyard. The moujik was looking out
of the window, and said to his wife : << Just look :
our cow has brought back seven others. What
the pope predicted has happened ; the word of God
is always true. Do you still reproach me with
what I did ?Now we shall want neither milk nor
food. >> And he quickly ran into the yard, drove
the cows into his cow—house and locked the door.

The pope, however, finding that his cows did
not come home at night, began to search for them
all through the village. He came at last to the
peasant and said : << How is it, my friend, that
you have taken in cows that do not belong to

»3
i
g 2

,.
iv
3
3?
5,?
‘3
;‘l~
.23

- .

 

 

you? >) —— « What are you talking about? There
are no cows here that do not belong to me ; they
are mine, for God has given them to me. It was
my little brown cow which brought me seven
others, in gccordance with what you yourself
read out'in the church, batouchka, the other day. >>
— « You are joking, you son of a dog, they are
my cows. » — << No, they are mine I » — The dis—
cussion grew warm, and the pope finished by
saying to the peasant : << May the devil take you I
Keep your old cow, but at least give me mine. >>
—« << Would you like a dog’s tool? (1) »

The pope7 in despair, went and lodged a com—
plaint against the moujik. The case was tried in
the bishop’s court, and the bishop did not know
how to decide it, for he had received a bribe of
money from the pope, and a piece of cloth from
the peasant. (< I find it vet‘y difficult, » he said,
<< to decide between you, but I have hit upon a
plan. You are both to return home, and the one
who first arrives here to—morrow shall have the
cows. >)

The pope returned home and said to his wife,
<< Be careful to call me very early to—morrow
morning. »

But the moujik was not a fool, instead of re—
turning home, he went and hid under the bi-
shop’s bed. << I will pass the night here, » he said

(1) Equivalent seemingly t0 : « Don’t you Wish you may
get it? »

 

 

to himself. >> I shall not sleep, and t0-morr0w
morning I shall be on the spot, and by that
means I shall do the pope out of the cows. »
Whilst the moujik was lying under the bed, he
heard some one
knock at the door.
The bishop rose,
went to the door,
and asked , « Who
is there P )) .—
u It is I, —— the
mother abbess, —
(father.»—«Come
in,motherabbess,
and lie upon the
bed. nShe obeyed.
The prelate then
began to play
with her titties.
«What are these?»
he asked. « Holy
‘ father, they are

 

the mountains of
Sion, and below
are the valleys. » — The bishop then put his
hand on her navel. << And this : — what is this? ))
—— << That is the navel of the earth. » — The
Bishop’s hand descended‘ still lower, and closed
on the coynte of the abbess. « And this : what is

this .3 » — << That, father, is a little hell. )> —
IO

 

 

——I4()~

u And I, mother, have a sinner, who must be
put into hell. >> — The act followed the word, ——
that is to say the bishop futtered the mother

 

abbess, after which he led her out of the room.

Whilst he was absent, the moujik slipped away
noiselessly, and returned home. The next day the
pope rose before dawn, and without even stop-
ping to wash, ran with all speed to the bishop’s
palace. As to the moujik, he slept well, idled away
the morning, and the sun had long risen when he
got out of bed. He breakfasted, and then leisurely
made his way to the bishop’s palace, where he

‘7 ’g... , ~ A _ - “

 

_ 147..—

had been long awaited. << Well, my friend, » said
the pope, with a mocking smile, « I suppose you
stopped at home to cuddle your wife? » The
Bishop, addressing the peasant, said : << There
can be no doubt that you are the second. » —- « Oh,
no, your Holiness, the pope arrived after me.
You have perhaps forgotten that I arrived at
your house when you were walking about on the
mountains of Sion, and putting a sinner in hell. »
The bishop held up both hands, to stop the pea—
sant from saying more. << The cows are yours,
moujik, » he declared, <( in fact, it is evident you
must have been here first. » Thus the pope lost
all his cattle, and the moujik in future lived in
ease (I)

(1) In another version of the story, the pope, when he
returns home, sends for his man-servztnt, to whom he had
promised a hundred roubles a year, of which sum he had
not paid a. stiver in seven years. The man demands his
money, and the pope replies:« All the seven years you
have been With me, you have never confessed. Confess all
your sins, and then I will pay you your wages. » The pope
then asks him if he has ever helped to steal anyone’s
cattle. « No, batouchka; I am not guilty of that, but as I
am confessing, Iwill own that during seven years I have
ridden your daughter—in—law. » — « That is not the ques—
tion, have you ever stolen any cattle .3 » — « No7 batouchka,
but I have seduced your wife. » -— or This is not a time for
stupidjokes; did you take away my cows? » -— « No, ba-
touchka, that sin is not on my conscience; but I will own
that my yard has even risen against you. » :1 Then as you
won’t confess, remain damned. » The pope then paid him
and sent him away, and remained without a man—servant
and without his cows.

5

 

 

—I48—-

L
The greedy pope.

Acertain pope possessed a rich living, but he
was so avaricious-that during Lent, he demanded
at least a grz'venm'k (1) of every worshipper who
came to confess ; those who did not bring that
sum he would not confess, and insulted and abu—
sed them into the bargain. « What I you dull
beast I You cannot in all the year put aside a
griaennik for your spiritual father? And must I
pray to God for cursed scoundrels like you? >>

One day a soldier came to confess to this pope,
and on the edge of the confessional, he placed a
copper piatak (2). On seeing this, the priest flew
into a Violent rage.

<< Oh, cursed wretch, » he cried, « what devil put
it into your head to offer your spiritual father a
copperpz'atak .9 I suppose it is a joke. » —- (( How
do you expect I can offer you any more, batouchka?
I give all I can. » —— << You can always find mo—
ney for whores and drink, I suppose; but you
think it enough to bring your sins to your spiri—-
tual father. In such circumstances you ought to
steal something and sell it; then bring the priest

(1) Ten kopecks or about four pence.
(2) Five kopecks or two pence.

 

the required sum, confess the theft along with
the other sins, and the priest would absolve them
all at the same time. >> With that he sent away the
soldier unshriven. << And don’t you dare to come
to me again till you have a grz'venm'le, >> he
said.

(< How can I satisfy this pope .3 » thought the
soldier when he was driven out of the confessional.
Casting his eyes round, he saw, near the choir a.
priest’s staff with a beaver cap on the top of it.
« Let me try to sneak that cap », he said to him-
self. He took the cap, slipped noiselessly out of
the church, and went to the inn. There the soldier
sold the cap for twenty roubles, stuffed the
money in his pocket, and putting on one side a
g‘i‘z‘venm’k for the pope, returned to the church,
and approached the confessional. << Well, have
you brought me a gm’vmm‘k P » asked the priest.
<< Yes, batouchka. » —— « And how did you obtain
it my son? >>—— << I am a sinner, batouchka. I stole
a fur cap that I sold for agrz'z/enm'k. » << No
matter, >> said the priest to the penitent. (< God
pardons you, and I absolve you. >>

The soldier then left, and the pope having
finished confessing his parishioners, celebrated
vespers. At the conclusion of the service, he pre—
pared to return home, and went to the spot where
he had left his cap, but no cap could he find, and
he was compelled to return home bare—headed.
His first care on arriving at home was to send

 

 

._..;. .,_ ,,‘ 4......

_150_

for the soldier. << Now, my son, tell me the truth :
have you stolen my cap? >> — << I do not know
whethefit was yours, batouchka, but caps of that
sort are only worn by popes ». — << And where
did you‘get it? n — << I found it in your Church,
on the top of a pope’s staff, near the choir. >> ——
<< Oh, you son ofé dog, how dared you steal the
cap of your spiritual father? >> —— << But you your-
self, batouchka, have absOlved me from that

sin. »

 

 

_ 15! -_

LI

Laughter and tears.

In a certain country there lived a pope who, as
he resided on the bank of a river, ferried travel—
lers across the stream. One day, a bourlak (1)
came down to the ferry. (( Hallo! batouchkal
ferry me across, n he cried to the pope, who was
just then on the other side of the river, << Can
you pay for the ferry, my son? >)

<< I would pay you if I had any money, but I have
none. » — << Then I‘won’t ferry you across. n ——
<< If you will ferry me over, batouchka, I will
show you laughter and tears. >>

The pope thought it over. << What can the
man mean by that? >> he said to himself, and in
short he was so anxious to be shown laughter
and tears, that he rowed across, took the bour—
lak on board and ferried him over the river.
« Very good, batouchka! Turn your boat bottom
upwards. >> The pope turned the boat over, ——
curious to see what wasgoing to happen. The
bourlak pulled out of his trousers a huge7 lusty
member, and with it bestowed such a terrific
blow on the bottom of the boat that the timbers
were stove in and broken. At the sight of such a

(I) A man employed in towing 0n the Volga.

 

 

_152__

splendid instrument, the pope at first began to
laugh ; but then, when he thought of the destruc—
tion of his boat, he felt so sad that the tears came
to his eyes. « Well, batouchka, have I kept my
word? » asked the bourlak. — (( May the devil
take you! Go away! >> The bourlak said farewell,
and went on his way.

The priest returned home. As he entered the
door he thought of the bourlak’s member, and,
that made him laugh7 but when he remembered
the fate of his boat, he burst into tears. « \Vhat
is the matter, batouchka? » asked his wife. ——
<< You don’t know what a misfortune has happen—
ed7 matouchka, » and he told her simply what had
occurred. As soon. as she heard of her husband
meeting with the bom‘lak, the popadia, began
to reproach him. « Oh, old devil that you are I
Why did you let him go? Why did you not bring
him back to the house? That was not a bom’lak,
that was my brother! My parents have certainly
sent him to pay us a visit and you did not guess
it. — Quicklyharness the horse, and go after
him, or otherwise the poor man will wander
about aimlessly, and perhaps even have to return
home without having seen us. Oh, my dear bro—
ther, if I could only see him for a moment, and
ask for some news about my parents. »

The pope harnessed his horse, and started off
to seek for the moujik, and when he overtook
him, said. (( Look here, my good man I Why did

 

you conceal from me that you were my wife’s‘
brother? When I told her of your exploit, she
recognised you at once, and sent me after you to
bring you home. » The bourlak immediately
guessed the riddle. << Yes >>, he replied, (( that is
the truth. I am your wife’s brother7 but as for
you, batouchka, I never saw you before, and
consequently could not recognise you. « The pope
took him by the arm, and made him get into
the cart. << Sit down, dear boy, sit down! Come
along home! My Wife and I, thank God, live in
ease and happiness, and we have the means to
make you comfortable. »

When the cart arrived at the house, the papa—
dz’a ran out to meet the bourlak, threw herself
on his neck and embraced him. << Oh, my dear
brother, what a long time it is since I saw you.
And how are they all at home? >> -- << Much as
usual, sister! Our parents sent me to see how you
were going on. n — << Why, as for us, brother,
up to now, God has been indulgent to our sins,
and permitted us to live. >> She invited him to sit
at the table, offered him various dishes, and an
omelette, and brandy. << Eat, dear brother, >> she
kept repeating every minute. All were merry,
and the meal was prolonged till night came.

When it began to get dark, the popadia made a
bed, and said to her husband. << I am going to
sleep here, with my brother. We shall talk about
our relatives, the living and the dead. As for you,

 

  

» o.

u

u“. 4.,....<.. ‘.i..

arm”

N

H154—

batouchka7 you will sleep alone upon the stove
bench, or in the shed. When all had gone to bed,
the bourlak attacked the popadz'a; so vigorously
that she could not help giving a loud cry, which
rang through the house. The pope heard it, and

asked, « What is the matter? >> — << Oh, ba-
touchka, you don’t know what a misfortune has
happened. My father is dead. >> — (c Well, may

God have his soul >>, said the pope, and crossed
himself. But soon the popadz'a gave another cry
more piercing than the first, and her husband
demanded an explanation. << Why are you crying
again? » << Oh7 batouchka, my mother is also
dead! » — << May God give her peace. May she
repose with the saints. » And this continued all
night.

The next morning, the bourlczck prepared to
return home, but the popadz'a would not let
him set out fasting, and offered him pie, and
brandy, and was very attentive. « Whenever you
pass in our neighbourhood, dear brother; do not
forget to call upon us. » The priest added his
entreaties to those of his wife. << Call upon us
when you like : we shall always be glad to see
you. )>

The bourlak said adieu to his hosts. The popa-
dia wished to take her pretended brother a part
of the road, and the pope also insisted on accom—
panying the traveller. They all three started off,
and a brisk conversation was maintained on the

.mu... ,W »

 

“1T5—

/

road. When they were far out in the country, the
popadia said to her husband : (( Return home, ba-
touchka; there is no need for you to go any farther.
I will go alone with my brother a little way >>.

The priest turned back, but after he had gone
some thirty paces, he stopped and turned round
to see where they were. In the meantime, the
bom’lack, wishing to give his supposed sister
a farewell worthy of. him, had laid her down
upon the bank by the side of the road, and had
set to work to futter her, but in order to deceive
the husband, he put his cap on the popadz'a’s
right foot, and ordered her to lift her leg in
the air. Whilst they were taking their pleasure,
the foot with the cap on it did not cease to
shake ; seeing which, the pope said to himself,
<< What an affectionate relative? He is already a
long way off, and nevertheless continues to wave
adieux with his cap. » The pope also took off his
chapka, waved it in the air, and cried, << Adieu,
brother-in—law ; adieu. »

After having received a final and warm farewell
from the bourlack, the p0padz'a,1ooking radiant
with happiness, rejoined her husband. In her joy
she began to sing songs. << During all the years
I have lived with you, » remarked the pope,
(< this is the first time I ever heard you sing. >> —-
<< The reason is, batouchka, she replied, << that
I was so glad to see my dear brother. I wonder
whether I shall ever see him again? » — « God

 

 

“156....

is very mercifal; and perhaps, you Will again
have that happiness » (1).

Lil

The marvellous ointment.

In a fcertain country there lived a young pea—
sant whose affairs were far from prosperous ; a
plague had carried off all his horned cattle, and
all his horses, except one mare. This animal he
pampered in every way, and loved as the apple
of his eye; he would have deprived himself of
everything in order that his mare should want
for nothing. One day, after he had groomed the
horse,he began to caress it, and speak, tenderly
to it : (< Oh, my dove! matouchka! There is no
one so pretty as you. ))

A big peasant—girl, the daughter of aneighbour,
heard these words, and when the girls of the vil—
lage met in the street, she said to them; << My
clears, whilst I was in our garden, Gregori, our
neighbour, was grooming his mare, then hemade
love to it, embraced it, and made soft speeches
to it, like, my dove! matouchkal there is no
one so pretty as you in all the world. >>

(1) In a variation of this story the pope discovers how he
has been deceived, but deems it advisable not to say
anything to the bourlak, for remembering how the boat
was smashedwhe thinks to himself, << If he were to strike
me With his tool, he would kill me. »

 

__ 157—

From that time: the young man was a butt for
all the jests of the village girls : whenever they
met him, they cried. << Oh, matouchka! my dove I >>
The poor young man did not dare to show him-
self, and fell into a profound grief. His old aunt
perceived it. << Why are you so sad, Gricha? Why
do you hang your head? »

IIe told her the whole affair. << That is nothing
Gricha, » she replied. << I will manage that. Come
to—morrow to my house. Be easy; they shall not
tease you any more. >>

The old woman practised medicine, which
made her an important personage in the loca—
lity, and the young girls often used to visit her
in the evening. That evening she had a visit
from the peasant girl who had set about the ru-
mour that Gregori was in love with his mare. << My
daughter, » said the old woman to her, << come
and see me to-morrow morning, I have something
to tell you. » — « Very good, granny. ))

The next morning, the young man got up,
dressed himself, and went to his aunt’s house.

,“ Now, Gricha be ready to act at the right mo—
ment; but at present get behind the stove, and
remain quite quiet until I call you. » —- Hardly
had he taken his place ‘behind the stove, than the
peasant girl arrived. << Good day7 granny. » —
(( Good day, my dove I This is what I have to tell
you. You are in a very bad way. You are very
i11,my dear ». — << I? granny! I think I am

 

 

(.7?
;.~&
=: 1
E: 3‘
.. ‘J
T’ 2;

quite well. >> -— a No, my doye! You have an
internal complaint that it frightens me even to
think of. At present you don’t feel anything, but
when it reaches your heart there will be no hope
for you, and you will die:
Let me feel your belly. »
———« Feel, granny >>, replied
the young girl; and she
almost began to cry, she was
so frightened. -—-— << There!
you see I was not mista—
ken », said the old woman,
after she had felt the abdo—
men. << Yesterday, at the
first glance, I guessed that
you had something serious
the matter. It is a jaundice
of the heart. >> —— (( Cure
me, I beg of you, granny. )>
-—— « Of course as you are
ill I must try to cure you;
but can you bear the treat—
ment? I warn you that it u
will be painful. >> —— a Do

 

what you like to me. If you
cut my body With a knife I don’t mind, provided
you can cure me. >> —- << Very well! stand there,
put your head through the window, and look if
more persons pass to the right or to the left, but
don’t look behind you, for if you do, my medicine

:5.::E..~:;§nb..: ‘

A 14.74%
. M.

,A.

 

__159_.__

will have no effect, and you will die in a fortnight.

Whilst the young girl, obedient to these in-
structions, was looking into the street, the old
woman opened her legs, << Lean a little more on
the sill of the window, » she said, << and do not
turn round; I am going to rub you with some tar
ointment. >> Then in a 10W voice she called her
nephew. << Now then, set to work. >>

The lad came behind
the young girl, and

 

shoved in his ointment
four varcho/{s deep.
Feeling the remedy
act, the patient began
to wag her a. . e. « Gran-
ny, dear granny n, she
cried, << rub me, ——rub
me some more with
that tar ointment ! >>
Grigori, his business
being done, retiredbe-
hind the Stove. << Well,
my daughter, D said the
old woman, (< now you
look well and fresh.»
The peasant girl
thanked her warmly:
(< Thank you, granny I
That is a capital remedy. It is like a real charm ! »
——« My medicines never do any harm, and this one

 

—160—

is very good for women and girls. But which way
did you see most people pass? » — « To the
rightJ granny >). — (( Ah! you are lucky! Go
home, and may God protect you I n

The girl went away, and the young man also
took his departure. After dinner he took his mare
to drink at the brook. The peasant girl saw him,
and ran towards him, crying: << Ah ! matouchka 1
my dove. >> —— << Oh! granny, dear granny, rub
me some more with your tar ointment! » replied
Grigori laughingly. At this the peasant girl bit
her lips, and after that lived on good terms with
3 the young man.

ANO THER VERSION

A young man was accustomed to pass before
the house of a merchant, and when opposite to it,
to cough and spit, and then say << I am stuffed up
With eating too much goose. » One day the mer—

; chant’s daughter said to him : a My father has
' c plenty of money, but he does not eat goose every

‘ day, >> — << Riches do not always give happiness, »
i replied the other, and he returned home. The
merchant’s daughter called to an old beggar wo—
man: << Follow that young man, » she said, (( and
find out what he eats for his dinner, and you

shall be well rewarded when you bring me the
information. >>

  

'27

*4,” ., ,4H3aizae ,

Mg; ..__ , V _ W. em.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~161—

When the young man arrived home, the beg-
gar woman who had followed him, asked his
leave to rest a bit in the izba, and she was allow—
ed to come in. The greatest poverty prevailed
in the house. << Mother, >> said the young man,
a is there anything to eat in the house? >> —
« There is some chtz’chi left from yesterday, and
some kaclm from the day before yesterday. n ——
(( Give me the kacha. » — The mother brought
in the dish, and said there was no butter. —
« Can you give me a bit of lard, then? >> —~
« No, but here is a bit of candle. » He mixed
this with his Ieaa’m, and began to eat it greedily.

The beggar woman related all this to the mer—
chant’s daughter. Soon afterwards the young man
again passed before the merchant’s house; he
coughed, spat, and uttered the usual phrase :<< I
am stuffed up with eating too much goose. >> —-
(( He has eaten kac/za with a candle in it »
cried the merchant’s daughter out of the win—
dow. >> — << May the devil take her! How did she
know that? It must certainly have been the
beggar woman who told her. »

He set out to 100k for this woman, and when
he found her, said : << Can you manage this busi-
ness for me? and when I have some money I
will pay you. » - << Very well, » said the old
woman, and she went at once to the. merchant’s
daughter : << How are you, miss? >> —- (( I am

veryill, granny, I always have pains in my belly ;
I I

 

b
i
t
, t
3
7:

 

-—162 -—

is there any way of curing that? » -— (( Yes, get
ready a warm bath, and I will rub your belly
with some grease. » — The bath was prepared,
and the old woman who had previously hidden
the young man in the room, brought the mer—
chant’s daughter there, undressed her, and when
she was quite naked, said : « Now) my dear, I
must cover your eyes, or you will feel ill. » The
old woman tied a handkerchief over the inva—
lid’s eyes, and laid her upon a bench. << Now, » she
said, << I am going to rub you with a little
grease, » and she passed her hand twice over the-
young girl’s belly. « Now, it is going to be a
little harder. » Then, at a sign from the woman.
the young man approached the merchant’s daugh—
ter, and attacked her so furiously that she uttered
loud cries. a Have a little courage, my dear. At
first, it always hurts, but it is over in a minute,
and then all will be right, and your belly will
be cured. »

The girl soon found the treatment to her
liking. << Rub me, granny, >> she said, << rub me!
your grease is very good. » The operation being
finished, the young man returned to his hiding
place7 and the old woman took the bandage off
the eyes of the merchant’s daughter. The girl
saw that there was some blood underher. a What
is that, g'raiiny? » —— « That is some bad blood
that came out of you ; now you will be better. >>
—— u Yes, granny. That is a capital ointment; it

 

*163—

is sweeter than honey. Won’t you rub me
again? » ~— << Do you want it again? » —— << Oh,
yes, granny! my belly begins to hurt me again! >)
The old woman again bandaged her eyes, and
laid her upon the bench, and the young man
again set to work. << Rub, granny! rub I your
ointment is excellent, >> said the merchant’s
daughter. As soon as he had finished his work,
the young man went away. The invalid rose:
k( Granny, >> she said, << bring me some of that
ointment, and here is a hundred roubles for your
trouble. » So ended the affair.

When the young man next passed before the
merchant’s house, he began as usual to say:
a I am stuffed up with eating too much goose. »
To which the girl replied by crying out of the
window : << He ate candle grease with his
kacha. )) And the youth retorted, << Rub, Granny,
rub, your ointment is excellent I »

Soon however the girl’s waist began to enlarge
to an abnormal extent, and her mother noticed
it. << Why is it, my Child, that you never go out
of the house, and that your belly has become so
big? >> — << Oh, mother, do you know that it is
ever since that good old woman took me to the
baths. She rubbed my belly with some ointment;
— such nice ointment, sweeter than honey. » The
mother guessed the truth; so she sent for the
beggar—woman, and questioned her. « You took
my daughter to the bath, and rubbed her with

 

 

“164—

some ointment? >> — << Yes, madam. » — << Rub
me, also. » —- << \Nillingly. >> —- She ran off at
once to the young man. << Dress yourself, and
come quickly ; the merchant’s wife wants to be
greased A) They went to the public baths. The
old woman bandaged the eyes of the merchant’s
wife, and laid her upon a'bench, and the young
man treated her as he had treated her daughter.
In the midlle 0f the operation, the merchant’s
wife suddenly tore the bandage from off her eyes7
and saw the young man. She kissed him to
reward him for his trouble. << My lad, » she
said, << I have been married twenty years, and
I have never enjoyed myself so much. Here
are a hundred roubles for you, and you shall
marry my daughter. >> ——- The young man mar—
ried the rich heiress, and there was a grand din—
ner 0n the oceasion; I was there myself, and
drank wine and mead and everybody had as
much as he wanted to eat and drink!

ANOTHER VERSION

A certain soldier was addicted to drink : he
also suffered from asthma, and therefore went
to an old woman who practised medicine.
Although she was advanced in years, this woman
was still of an ardent temperament. When she
saw the soldier, she felt an itching between her

 

_165_

legs. << W’hat is you want, soldier? >> -— (< I am
asthmatical, and I came to ask you to cure me. >>
—— << Undress yourself and sit down. >> — The
soldier obeyed, and the woman placed before
him a bottle of brandy. - << Drink, soldier, as
much as you like. >) —— The Visitor did not need
pressing, and soon showed signs ofdrunkenness :
finally, he fell on the floor, and went fast asleep.

Then the old woman began to fumble about,
first passing her hand over his navel, and then
lower still. << Ah, I am astonished, )) she cried,
sadly. << I have made a pretty mistake. So far
from having given him any energy, his member
is quite limp. >> — She laid the sleeper on the
bed, lay down by his side, and tried by tickling
and rubbing to induce some signs of Virility in
the soldier; but he continued to snore like an
organ pipe. After having made one final attempt,
the old woman fell asleep also.

A little before dawn, the soldier awoke, and
seeing a woman sleeping by his side, said to
himself. << Shall I have a turn? » and set to work
to roger her. The cunning old woman, awakened
thus out of her sleep, feigned indignation. << What
are you doing, soldier? Are you not ashamed of
yourself? » But as she thus spoke she assumed
a position which would facilitate the operation.
<< Why, granny, is it bad for a sick man? If
so I will get off. » — << What nonsense you
are talking, soldier! On the contrary, shove

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it in as far as you can : it will do you good. »
When he had rogered the old woman, the soldier
went away, saying to himself. a I do not know
whether it will do me good, but I wanted it. »

Unfortunately for him, there was sleeping in
the loft a young girl, the niece of the old woman,
who had witnessed the scene, and related it to
the girls of her acquaintance, and from that
time the soldier was the butt of all their sar»
casms. << He made love to the old woman! He
made love to the old woman! >> was buzzed in
his ears unceasingly. At last he was out Iof
patience, and went and related his griefs to his
mistress of a night. « Oh, my benefactor, >> she
replied, << why did you not tell me before?
I would soon have made those chatterers cease
their teasing! Oh, the young dolts! Is not an
old woman’s slit as good as theirs? What right
have they to make fun of us thus? Listen, sol—
diet; I am often Visited by a young girl I am
treating for a rupture. Come here to morrow
night, and hide yourself in the bed. I will tell
the girl to go down on her hands and knees.
and then you can give her good measure! »

The next day, at the hour named, the soldier
went to the old woman’s house, and hid himself
in her bed. In less than half an hour the girl arri-
ved, as soon as the soldier saw her, his member
stood erect. The old woman examined her patient,
and said: << My clear, there is a nest of fleas

 

—167—

between your legs. There is no means of taking
them away except with the hand, but if they are
left there you will die. >> — << Granny, be good
enough to rid me of them, I beg. » —— << Well,
then there is no other means ! I did not want to
put my hand down there, but it must be done!
Here is a handkerchief; bind your eyes, take
off your clothes, and go down on your hands and
knees. ))

The girl did as she was ordered; after which
the soldier approached her, took his member in
both hands and introduced it into her gap. The
patient began to cry out : << That hurts me, granny!
That hurts me! >> — « Have a little courage, my
dear. These cursed fleas have multiplied so ex-
ceedingly, that they are even in the orifice! »
The soldier penetrated to the depth of four ver—
c/zoks, and there were fresh cries. << Oh, granny,
I shall die. It hurts me, granny, it hurts me. » —
<( Wait a minute; my Child, I will put on a little
tar ointment, and then perhaps you will feel bet—
ter. » The soldier pushed in as far as he could,
and the girl bit her tongue ; but, at last,fee1ing
the effect of the grease, she cried : « Ah, granny,
now that is nice! Really that does me good.
Can’t you rub me again with your ointment? I
feel quite revived, I will get a Whole jar of tar
from my father and bring it you. » —— On hearing
these words the soldier used all his efforts to
satisfy the girl and worked so well that he con-

 

 

—-168—

siderably‘enlarged the opening: by which he had
entered. << Do you feel any relief? » asked the
old woman ; a it seems to me that now they are all
smashed. » —— << ”Oh, granny, now I feel mfich
better. » The soldier then hid himself ; the invalid
got up, put on her clothes, and went away.
The next day7 the girl, who was now as large
as a funnel met the soldier, and began to tease
him : << He performed on the old woman! He
performed 011 the old woman >> ! — « But it is bet—

ter with tar ointment, >> he replied.

 

 

__.169_

L111
The Wonderful Whistle

In a certain country there lived a Villager who
was \vretchedly poor. One day the barine sent for
him, and said : << Listen, moujik! you pay no
rent, and you have nothing to seize, to pay your
debts you must serve me three years. »_The pea—
sant passed one year, then two, then three in the
service of the barine, and the latter saw that the
moujik would soon be free, and said to himself:
<< What pretext can I find to keep this serf in my
service another three years 9 » He called the mou—
jik, and spoke to him in these words : << Listen,
moujik : here are ten hares, take them out to
feed in the country, but have a care not to lose
one, for if you do, you will remain three years
more in my service. » The moujik had no sooner
let loose the hares in the field, than they ran
away in all directions. a What is to be done? ))
he thought. u Now I am really lost, )) and he sat
down and began to cry.

Suddenly an old man appeared before him :
<< Why are you weeping, moujik? » he asked,
<< Why should I not weep, old man? My master
charged me to feed some hares, and they have all
run away, and now I am a ruined man. >> —
The old man gave him a whistle, and said : << You

 

 

_.[70_

have but to play on this instrument, and you
will see them all run up to you. » The peasant
thanked him, took the whistle, and had me soon-
er began to play than all the hares ran towards
him. He took them all back to his master, who
counted them, and satisfied himself there was
not one missing. << Well, what is to be done? »
said the barine to his wife. << How can we catch
this moujik napping? » — << I have an idea, my
friend. To-morrow whilst he is feeding his hares,
I will come to him in a disguise and buy one. » -—
a Very good I that Will do. n

The next morning the moujik left the village
with the hares, and the moment he approached
the wood, they all ran away, — some one way,
some another. As to the moujik, he sat down on
the grouhd, and began to plait some bark shoes.
Soon there came a lady in a carriage, which stop—
ped, and the lady alighted, and came to the pea—
sant. << What are you doing here, moujik? >> ——
<< I arp feeding cattle. >> —- « What cattle? » —
He took his whistle and as soon as he began to
use it all the hares gathered round him. « Ah,
moujik, » said the lady; << sell me a little hare! >>
— « That is quite impossible, they belong to
my master, and he is very severe. He would be
capable of killing and eating me. » — The bari—
m’a persisted. << Let me have one I beg. » Seeing
how much she desired a hare, the moujik replied
<< I have made a vow, madam >> — << What vow? >>

 

-._. I7]: .._

— (a To give a hare to the person Who would let
me futter her. » — Take money instead of that,
~ moujik. >> — << No, I will not accept any other
terms. » Tired of discussing the matter, she reluc—
tantly consented to this condition ; the moujik

 

rogered her, and gave her a hare : « Only, ma—
dam, >> he said, a be sure and hold it gently
or you Will strangle it. »

She took the hare, stepped into her carriage,
and prepared to return home, but the moujik
had but to sound a few notes on his whistle, and
the animal escaped out of the hands of the bari—

 

 

'—‘I72-—‘

m‘a and returned to him.When the lady arrived
at home, her husband asked her: << Well, did you
buy a hare? »-——— << Certainly I bought one, but
at the first sound of the moujik’s whistle, the
harejumped out of the carriage, and I never saw
it again. »

The next day the barim’a again went to the
peasant, and the same scene was enacted as on the
previous day. a What are you doing, moujik? »
—— « I am plaiting bark shoes and minding my
master’s herds. » — << Where is this herd? » —~
The moujik played on his whistle, and the hares
immediately ran to him. The barim'a expressed
a wish to buy one of the hares. << I have made a
vow, >> he replied. << What is it? » —— « Let me fut-
ter you. » The lady consented, and in return
received a hare, but, as soon as the sound of the
whistle was heard, the animal ran away from
her;

The third day the barine himself arrived in a
carriage. << What are you doing, moujik? >> —
<< Minding cattle Whilst they graze. )) ~— « But
where are your cattle? » The moujik sounded his
whistle, and the hares ran to him. << Sell me
one. n —— (( Not for money : I have made avow. >>
—-— << What vow? >>— << To anyone Who will futter a
mare, I will give a hare. >> —— The baring com—
mitted an unnatural offence With a mare. The
moujik gave him a hare, and said : (< Hold it
gently barine, or you may strangle it. » The

 

_ 173 __..

barine took the hare7 but when he was driving
away in his carriage, the peasant began to blow
his whistle Z the call was heard by the animal,
which jumped out of the carriage and returned
to its place amongst the others. The barine, fin-
ding all his plans fail, gave the peasant his li—

berty.

 

Ll V
The Shepherd.

Ina village there lived a shepherd who was a
great favourite with all the girls and young wo—
men of the locality. But though he was willing
enough to make love, he would not do it to every-
body. This caused him to be hated by some of

 

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.
t-
1:
c
R.
i,
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i.
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‘

 

the peasant girls, and rightly or wrongly they
set about the report that he had been surprised in
a very equivocal position with a mare, and ever
after that the lad was a butt for the jokes of all
the young people of the Village. The most bitter
of all against him was a girl named Dounia. In
the morninc when he was taking his cattle to

.37
pasture, she would cry to him : << Oh Ivan take
care of my mare! » The young man took note
of all this.

There lived also in the village a good—natured
old woman whom the young girls were accus—
tomed to visit in the evening. The shepherd threw
himself at her feet : << Granny, » he said, <r do
something for me, and I will ever pray to God
for you, and will never forget you as long as I
live. >> Then he related to her all his troubles,
and gave her a silver rouble. « Very well, my
friend; come to me at nightfall. »

In the evening the shepherd brought back his
flock out of the field; it rained a little; the wo—
men also brought in their cattle, and Dounia
amongst others went to look for her cow. The
old woman saw her through the window, and call—
ed to her, << Dounia, Dounia, come here! >> The
girl quickly came and the old woman began to
scold her severely : the shepherd was in her
house, hidden behind the stove. << Take care
Douniacha you will repent when it is too late. »

These words frightened Dounia. who did not

 

~175..~

know of what fault she had been guilty. << Fool-
ish, imprudent girl that you are, >> continued
the old woman : « You run about boldly, and
jump over ditches without thinking of the conse—
quences! And what have you gained by acting
thus? I will tell you, little fool, What you have
done : you have damaged your honour! Who do
you think will marry you now? » — (( Oh,
granny, is there no means of mending it? » —-
<< Heu! mend it! Of course it’s the poor old
granny who is asked to do every hard job. Come
here, do What I tell you and screw up your cou—
rage for the operation will be painful. » — (c Very
well, granny! >> — (< Look through the window
and open your legs; but don’t turn your head,
or the remedy will fail and there will be no hope
for you.

Having thus spoken, the old woman tucked up
the girl’s sarafcme and made a sign to the shep-
herd. Ivan came up gently, took off his trou—
sers, and set to work to mend Dounia’s honour.
—— << Well, is it good7 » asked the old woman.
— (< Oh, yes, granny, it is good! Mend it again

granny! I will never forget you X n — When the
shepherd had finished his business, he again
slipped behind the stove. — « Now, » said the

old woman, << return home, little fool, and pray
to God for your granny. »

On the morrow, when he took his flock out to
graze, Dounia again began to teaze the shepherd

 

 

.__. 176—.

by allusions to the mare. —— << Do you want me
to mend your honour? » he replied. — « Oh,
that is not good of you, Ivan, >> said the young
girl, reproachfully. —- << I don’t know how you
found it, but to me it seemed very good in—
deed, >> replied the shepherd.

LV
The soldier, the peasant, and the girl.

Some soldiers had been quartered in a. village,
and the peasant women became very familiar
with them, and naturally these relations were
not quite innocent; Whilst the master of the
house was working in the fields, his Wife ate,
drank, and lay with the soldier Who was quar—
tered on the household.

One of the moujiks had a wife of very depra-
ved habits : many times had he found her either
with peasants or soldiers, but she had always

- managed to find some excuse. On one occasion,
the husband surprised her with a young man in
a stable. « Well, you ,whore, what have you to
say now? >> As the young man was then on the
top of her, all she could reply was: << Forgive
me, my dear. >> —- But she quickly got up, ran
to the house, and came weeping, to her mother—
in—law. >> Very soon the husband arrived. (( I

 

 

_.II77_

would not believe what people told me, mother,
but now I myself found her in the stable With a

young man. >) — << You hear, mother, >> sobbed
the woman, << what calumnious accusations are
brought against me. » — << Why, you cursed

'whore! didI not find you, only a few minutes

ago, lying under Andreiouchkal » « You lie,
scoundrel! VVellI if so, tell me where my head

was? » ~— The moujik was puzzled, and ended
by saying : << The devil only knows where your
head was. >> —- >> You see, mother, what false
accusations he brings against me! » The old

woman was very indignant with her son, and
reproached him bitterly. << Very good >>, said
the moujik, « I shall catch you again soon, my
dear! »

Some time after that, this peasant woman had
struck up an acquaintance With a soldier. The
two lovers went to the stable, and there the
soldier laid the woman on a truss of straw, and
began to roger her. The husband, who had his
suspicious went to the stable, and surprised the cou—
ple z'nflagrmzte delz'clo. -— << Ah, soldier, that is
not right of you! >> —- << Between you two, the
devil himself would not know what to do,
replied the soldier. She says that it is all
right, and you say that it is not right. There’s
no satisfying both of you. » — << Soldier, I
shall demand justice against you. >) — (( Very

well! demand it; I have already obtained it. »
12

 

 

— 178.—

LVI

The soldier Who slept Whilst his
cock worked.

A moujik was married to a young wife. Some
soldiers were quartered in the village, and one
of them was sent to lodge at the cottage of this
peasant. When night came they all three lay
down on the same bed; the woman in the
middle, and a man on each side of her. The
moujik talked to his wife, and the soldier, taking
advantage of a favourable opportunity, attacked
his hostess from the rear. The peasant also
wished to futter his wife, and began to fumble
her about, and on putting his hand on her slilt,
he found it occupied. << What are you doing,
soldier? » —- Then the soldier began to snore.
as though he were in a deep sleep. << Ah, what a
queer man that soldier is, » observed the mou-
jik : << he is fast aleep, and he has stuffed his
lance into my wife’s slit. >> —- (( I beg your
pardon, host! I don’t know by what chance it
came there! »

ANOTHER VERSION

A soldier after having long sought by what
means he could enjoy a woman of Little Russia,
hit on the following stratagem. He said to the

r: '_ w—r 7' ‘V‘wVEWkN-gfi-‘gmsmwv.

 

fi179m

husband, with whom he lodged. << My host, there
are a lot of devils in your house ; they will not

let me sleep. How do you sleep? >> —— << I sleep
well, thank God. >> —*— « Very well, then I will
sleep with you. » — (( Let him sleep with us, »

said the woman. The husband consented, and
took his place at the outside of the bed, and put
his wife in the middle, with her face turned
towards him. As to the soldier he was put in
the corner, and very soon began to assail, the
mistress of the house from behind. The husband,
putting out his hand softly, caught hold of the
soldier’s prickle << Aha, Mr. Soldier! He is
asleep, but that does not prevent him from intro—
ducing his tool into a slit that does not belong
to him. » — << What are you doing, son of a
devil, >> cried the soldier, << Why do you lay
hold of my tool? I would not allow your wife to
do that, much less you! » — << And why Mr.
Soldier, do you shove your tool into a coynte
that does not belong to you? n —- << But did it
enter there? » — « I should think so, I had a
good deal of trouble to get it out again. )) —
<< VWhat a bold scoundrell I will give him a sharp
lesson, and teach him not to shove himself into a
hole where he has no business! »

 

 

——-180——

LVII

The soldier and the woman of Little
Russia.

A native of Little Russia was on his read to
town with his wife and son, in a cart drawn by
oxen, and saw a cuirassier ramming his mare,
which was fastened to a tree by the side of the
road. ~— « What are you doing, soldier? ——
This horse that the Government gave me has
put its leg out, and I am seting it again. >> — The
woman said to herself : << Certainly he has a big
tool! Why he is futtering the mare! » — She
cunningly sat herself on the edge of the cart and
' when the wheel met with a rut she was tipped
out. —— << Run quickly and find the soldier, >> she
cried, << I have dislocated one of my limbs! >>
— In a few seconds the husband came up to the
cuirassier. << Soldier, be a father to us! Come and
help us please! My wife has dislocated one of
her limbs. » —— << Of course, I will come, since
you are in trouble I am bound to help you. w
Thereupon the husband led the soldier to the
scene of the accident.

The Little Russian woman lay on the ground
and groaned: << Oh Lord Ihave broken my leg! »
~— (I Have you a tarpaulin for the cart? » asked
the soldier of the husband. — << Yes. » —— << Very

M J ‘ "‘fix . _
'w"- . V , 7W: mwa‘t‘rwhv

 

~181—

good, give it to me. >> He covered over the cart
and lifted the Victim of the accident into the
vehicle. << Have you some bread and salt? >> he
asked. — << Yes. )> — The cuirassier took a bit
of bread and sprinkled salt over it. << Now, Little
Russian, you hold the oxen so that they do not
move. >> The Little Russian held them by the
horns and meanwhile the soldier climbed into the
cart and began to roger the woman. The son noti—
ced that the soldier was on the top of his mother.
<< Papa, n he cried, << Papa! the soldier is roge-
ring mamma. » —— << Truly, my son one would
think that he was rogering her. But no! He
could not do that after eating ourbread and salt. »
—- When the cuirassier had finished his business,
he got out of the cart, and the woman said to
him : a Thank you soldier; here is a silver
rouble for you. >> —— The husband also in his
turn pulled his purse out of his pocket and
gave two roubles to the soldier. —— << Thank
you soldier for having cured my wife. »

LVIH
The soldier and the Little Russian.

A soldier who lodged in the house of a Little
Russian had an intrigue with the wife of his
host. The man perceiving this left off working

1M9“ guy... um :- w.

I
5

5”

s

4
, (“.4

 

 

—I82——

in the fields and did not leave the house. The sol-
dier therefore had recourse to a trick; he Changed
his dress and came one evening and knocked at
the window of the z'gba. << Who is there? asked the
Little Russian woman. -— « It is Babe, » replied
this soldier. —— (< Who is Babe? » —— (c The man
who futters the Little Russians! Is the master
of the house at home? » — << What do you want ‘
of him? » — << An order has been issued to futter‘i
all the Little Russians! Open the door quickly! »
— The husband Who heard these words did not
know where to hide himself, he caught up a
Cloak7 wrapped himself in it and hid under a
bench.

The woman opened the door and the soldier
entered, crying: << Where is the master of the
house? » —- « He is not at home. >> —— The sol-
dier began to look in the stove, in the loft andin
all the corners ; at last something under the bench
attracted his attention. (< What is that? » — (< ,[t
is a calf, » replied the woman. With that the
Little Russian began to low like the animal he

was supposed to be. — << Very well! since the
master of the house is absent, you must take his
place. Lie down there! >> — (( Oh, Lord! can’t

you wait till my husband comes back? » —
<< How do you think I can wait? I have to Visit
every house in the Village, and if I omit only
one, I shall get three hundred blows of the stick
on my back. Lie down at once, I have no time to

‘1. " -- - \ 5.:v’“:w»wM—nx—u—

 

__ I83 _.

stop here talking to you. >> The Little Russian
gave herself up to the caresses 0f the soldier,
who pressed her so hard that he made her fart.
When he had futtered her he went away.

The husband then came put of his hiding—
place. << \Nife, » he said, << I thank you for the
trouble you have taken for me. You could not
contain yourself and began to f .. t, but I am
' sure that, if it had been my case, I should have
s .. t myself. Oh, wife you are very clever, but
I am more cleverer than you, you, only spoke of
the calf, Whilst I lowed like a real calf! »

LIX
The deserter.

A deserter hid himself in a peasant’s barn to
pass the night, and lay down on the hay. Just
as he was going to sleep, he heard footsteps.
The soldier, being frightened, climbed up into
the roof. A girl, followed by a young man, ente—
red the barn, they brought with them abottle
0f brandy and some Victuals, and after they had
placed the provisions in a corner, they undres—
sed, and began to embrace. Then the young
man threw his companion down on the hay,
and rogered her. << Ah, my dear, » said the girl,
whilst she was cuddling her lover, « If, by God’s—

 

 

__184___

wi11,I should have a baby, Who will take care
of it? n —— « There is one above us Who will
take ‘care of it, >> replied the young man. At
hearing this, the soldier could not contain his

 

indignation. << Oh, you rascals! >> he cried, << do
you expect me to support the fruits of your fil—
thy fornication? » Terrified in the midst of their
pleasure by this unexpected reply, the two lovers
ran away as fast as they could. The soldier

» 77>"'\ I .. _
.r. ' _.~.., ’ FWWM“W*-M
‘ V . , ‘> _ _, _ ,

, i -~qu

 

_185_

slipped to the ground, gathered up all their
clothes, and the provisions they had brought.
and then started off on his way again.

LX
The soldier and the pope.

A soldier wanted to futter the wife of a pope;
but how was he to manage it? He put on his
uniform, took his musket, and went to the

priest’s house. << Batouchka, a new ukase has
just been issued ordering all the popes to be
futtered, prepare yourself! » — << Oh, soldier,

cannot you make an exception in my favour? »
— << What an absurd idea 1 Do you think I am
going to get punished to please you? Be sharp,
and take off your trousers, and put yourself in
position? » — « But look here soldier : cannot
my wife take my place? >> — << Yes, that can be
done! But no one must know about it, or it will
be the worse for me. Besides, what will you give
me, batouchka? I will not accept less than a
hundred roubles. » — << Take them, soldier, but
have pity upon me. » —-— « All right! lie down
on your face in the cart, and let your wife lie
on your back. I Will get on her, and then it will
look as though I were rogering you. »

The pope lay down in the cart, and his wife

 

 

—186—-

placed herself on the top of him; then the sol—
dier lifted up the popadia’s dress and began to
futter her. As the operation lasted a long time,
it naturally caused the pope, who was lying on
the bottom of the cart, to become violently
excited, his lance stood so strongly that it
knocked a hole in the bottom of the cart, and
came out, all red, on the other side. At this
sight the pope’s daughter cried: << Oh, what a
strong tool that soldier has. It has gone right

through my mother and my father, and the tip
of it is still wagging. >>

LXI
The soldier’s wedding present.

\

A rich peasant married his son and gave a
grand dinner on the occasion. At night the young
couple were put to bed, and the following
morning, when they awoke, the usual felicita—
tions were bestowed upon them, then they were
covered with a white sheet, on which were placed
the wedding presents, everybody giving according
to his means.

A11 gave something, except a soldier, who lay,
drank, on the floor. The old man called to him 2
u Come, soldier, give a present to the young
couple ! » The soldier rose. << So be it, » he said,

 

_I87—

« Here is my present! >> and without stopping
to put on his trousers, he lifted up the sheet "and.
attacked the bride from behind. << Soldier! »
cried the father—in—law, « That is not the way to
give a wedding present. >> Then said the bride,
(( No matter, papa, it is very good all the same. ))
The father—in—law was vexed, and said to the
girls : a Make this soldier ashamed of his con~
duct. » —— << Oh, soldier, >> cried all the girls in
Chorus, << You have been to all parts of the
world, and do not know to give a wedding pre—
sent. —— << What stupid women you are, >> he
replied, << I made such gift as I could. ))

LXH

The mother—in—law, and the foolish
son—in—law.

A peasant lived with his wife ; they had one
daughter, a young man asked and obtained her
hand in marriage. At Christmas—time, the son—
in—law came to see his mother—in—law. She invi—
ted him to sit at the table, placed before him
various dishes, and entered into conversation
with him. << Tell me, my son, » she asked, << What
cattle you killed for the feast at your home? »
-_ << Well, the evening before the festival, my

 

 

~188—

father found a bitch in the ambar (1) and beat
it till he made it p..s and s..t. The bitch at
last made its escape, but my father went after
it, caught it just as it was running out of the
house and beat it again on the vulva. » — << Ah.
I have a clever son—in-law, » thought the mother-
in-law. << He has plenty of wit. You don’t catch

me asking him anything again. »

 

LXIH
The talkative Wife.

A peasant wished to assure himself that he
could if necessary rely upon his wife’s discretion.
One day, when he wished to satisfy a personal
want, he went into the courtyard, and when he

(1) The place where corn, flour, and other provisions are
kept. ‘

 

—I89—

had relieved himself, returned to the house;
then he sat on a bench, bowed his head, and
began to utter deep sighs, like a man with a
troubled conscience. His wife questioned him.
<< What is the matter? Are you ill? Just now
you were so gay, and now you are quite sad. »
—<< Be quiet,wife, >>rep1ied the moujik, « I myself
do not know whether to augur good or evil from
what has happened to me. » ——- The woman per-
sisted. <(- Speak, tell me what has occurred. » ——
u Just now, wife, I went to the privy, and just
as I began, a crow flew out of my a..e. I want
to know what that means! >>

As soon as the peasant woman had heard this
story, she made some pretext for running off to
one of her cronies, torwhom she hastened to
say : << Have you heard, my dear, what happen-
ed to my husband? Yesterday he went to the
privy, and hardly had he commmenced to relieve
himself than two crows flew out of his a..e.
VVhatcan that signify? » -— After they had long
discussed this mysterious occurrence, the two
women took leave of each other. The crony went
at once to one of her friends, and said : «'DO
you know, my dear Arina, what has happened
to Ivan? His wife came to see me, and told me
that when he went to the stool, three crows flew
out of his a..e. n Arina at once informed her
neighbours that when Ivan went to the privy,
four crows came out of him.

, §

§
3'
3

Lupe—Nhgamaal .,;.x-v ‘

 

 

As the story was spread abroad, the number
of crows went on increasing; and when it had
been all round the village, it was stated that
twelve crows had flown out of Ivan’s a..e, and
he became quite a local celebrity. He did not
dare to show himself abroad, for every one he
met asked him: « Is it true, my friend, that
twelve crows flew out of your a..e? Tell me
2111 about It! >)

LXlV
The pope Who neighed like a stallion.

In a village there lived a pope who was very
fond of women ; ‘whenever he saw from his win—
dow, a young woman pass his door, he would
lean out of the window, and begin to neigh like
a stallion. In the same village there lived a mou—
jik who was married to a very pretty woman.
Every day, when she went to fetch water, she
passed before the pope’s house, and as soon as
the priest saw her, he put his head out of the
window, and began to neigh.

One day, when she came home the woman said
to her husband, << Tell me, my little man, I beg,
why it is that the pope neighs like a horse when-
ever I pass his house, as I go to fetch water P n
—— « \Vhy, you fool, it is because he has taken a

fii

 

___191.___

fancy to you. But you do as I tell you, and when
you go to fetch water, and the pope begins to
<< hi, ho, ho, » do you reply, « hi, hi, hi. >> Then
he will come running out to you, and ask you to
sleep with him. Induce him to come to the house,
and we will treat him in such a way that he will
never want to neigh again. The woman took a
pitcher, and went to draw some water. The pope
saw her through the window, and filled the street
With his « hi, ho, hO I >> — << Hi, hi, hi. >> replied
the woman. The pope hastily put on a coat, ran
out of his house, and came up to the woman.
<< Well, matouchka! can you manage that for
me? » (< Yes, batouchka, my husband is about to
go to the fair ; but he cannot find any horses. »
—— << Why did you not say so before? Send him
to me, and I will lend him my two horses and
my carriage, and he can go to the town and tran—
sact his business I >>

The woman returned home, and told her hus—
band of this offer. He went to the pope, who had
been awaiting him a long time. << Be good
enough, batouchka, to lend me your cart and
horses, to go to the fair. >> — << Willingly my
friend, willingly. The peasant returned home
with the pope’s cart and horses, and said to his
wife : << Now, mistress, I am going just beyond
the village. I will remain there a little time, and
then come back. During that time, the pope is
free to come and amuse himself here. When I

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come back, and he hears me knock at the door,
he will be frightened, and will beg of you to
show him a hiding place. Put him in the chest
where we keep the soot, do you understand? »
— << Very good. >>

The moujik mounted the cart, and drove out—
side the village. The pope, seeing him go, ran at
once to the woman’s house. <( Good day ma—
touchka. >> — << Good day batouchka. Now we
are free to enjoy ourselves. Sit down to the
table, and drink some brandy. >) After he had
drunk a small glassful, the pope, who could no
longer restrain himself, took off his cassock, his
boots, and his socks but just as he was going to
get into bed, there was a knock at the door.
<< Who is that knocking, matouchka? )3 Asked
the pope in a frightened voice. << Ah, batouchka,
it is my husband who has returned, _no doubt he
has forgotten something. » — « But where can I
hide myself, my dear. » — << There is in that
corner an empty box, get inside that. » The pope
quickly got in, and fell a11 amongst the soot, and
there he lay, more dead than alive. The woman
made haste to Close the lid, and then turned the
key in the lock.

The moujik walked into the 2171101. « Why have
you come back? >> asked his wife. —-— « I forgot to
take the soot—box. Perhaps I shall be able to sell
the soot at the fair. Help me to put it into the
cart. The man and his wife lifted up the Chest

 

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which contained the pope, and set to work to
drag it out of the igba. « Why is it so heavy P >>
said the husband. << I thought it was nearly
" empty, and it is a good weight. » -— Whilst he
was lugging about the heavy box, he purposely
knocked it against the wall and the door. « Oh, I
am caught in a nice trap! » thought the pope as
he was thus knocked about. At last the chest
was hoisted into the cart, and the peasant sat on
the top of it, and set out for the town.

He lashed the horses, and they set off at full
gallop. On the road he met the carriage ofa
barine, which was coming in the opposite direc-
tion. « Go and tell that moujik to stop, » the gen—
tleman ordered his lackey, >> and ask him why he
is driving so furiously. >> The lackey ran forward,
and cried: << Hi 1 moujik! Stop! Stop I » The
peasant obeyed. << My master wants to know why
you are driving at such a rate. » — « I am hun-
ting for devils : that is why I am going at full
gallop. n —— « And have you caught any, moujik P »
— « ‘Yes, I have caught one, and I was pur—
suing another when you interruped me, and now
I shall not be able to overtake him. »

When the lackey reported these words to his
master, the barine came at once to the peasant.
« My friend, show me the devil you have caught:
I have never seen one in all my life. » —- << Give
me a hundred roubles, barine, and I will show it
you. n —— « All right. » The gentleman gave the

I3

 

 

hundred roubles, and the moujik opened the

chest, and showed its contents. The pope lay
there all bruised, and blackened with soot, and
his hair all disordered. « Oh, how ugly he is, »
said the barine. << He is really a devil! He has
long hair and a black skin, and his eyes are
starting out of his head ! » Then the moujik shut
up the chest, and continued his journey.

When he arrived at the town he drove to the
field where the fair was held. << What have you
to sell, moujik? » he was asked. —- << A devil >>,
he replied. ——« How much do you ask for him? »
—- « A thousand roubles? » — << Nothing less? » —
(( Nothing less, a thousand roubles is the fixed
price. >> Such a crowd collected round the peasant,
that an apple thrown amongst them would not
have fallen to the ground. Two rich merchants,
pushing a passage through the crowd as well as
they could, approached the cart. << Moujik7 will
you sell us your devil? >> — << I only await a
purchaser. » —— (< Well, what is your price? » ~-
« A thousand roubles, and that is without the
chest, for I want the chest. If I catch another
devil, I must have somewhere to put him. >) The
merchants decided to go halves in the specula—
tion, and handed a thousand roubles to the mou—
jik. << Come, and take possession of your devil, »
said he, and opened the chest. Immediately, the
pope jumped out and ran through the crowd,
which fled in all directions. (< What an awful

 

 

_195_

devil I If we should meet one like that, we should
be killed, » said one of the merchants to the
other.

As to the moujik, he returned home, and took
the horses back to the priest’s house. << Many
thanks for your cart, batouchka, » he said. << I
did an excellent stroke of business at the fair,
and gained a thousand good roubles. >> His wife
went soon afterwards to draw some water, and as
she passed the pope’s house, she saw him and
began to go « hi, hi7 hi. » — (< Be quiet, cursed
wretch I » replied the priest, << With your hi, hi,
hi, your husband has played me a scurvy trick.
From that day the pope was never heard to neigh
any more.

ANOTHER VERSION

In a certain country there lived a pope who
was in love with the wife of a peasant : when~
ever he saw her going to fetch water, he would
begin to neigh like a stallion. One day, when
she was, as usual, going to the well, the pope
began to neigh when he saw her, and she replied
in the same manner. In an instant the priest was
by her side. << “Tell, my Charmer, I should like
to make your acquaintance. » —— << Very well,
batouchka ; but I must make my arrangements. »
-— When she returned home, the woman said to
her husband : « The pope wants to pass the night

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with me » — << Well, let him come. I will go to
work in the fields and on my return I will catch
him : perhaps we may get something out of
him. » i

The moujik started off in his cart, and purpo-
sely passed in front of the pope’s house. << Where
are you going, friend? >) — << I am going to work
in the fields, batouchka; give me your blessing. »
— << It is a good deed, >> replied the pope; « May
God bless you. >> A little later, the woman went
to fetch water, and meeting the pope, said to
him : « My husband has gone to work in the fields.
Come this evening, batouchka! I will prepare a
feast for you, but do you bring some brandy. ))

The pope awaited the evening impatiently,
and as soon as it was dark, he quickly, dressed
himself, put some money and a bottle of brandy
in his pocket and ran off to the peasant’s house.
u Good day, my charmer, >> said he as he ente—
red. << Good day, batouchka! » —— The visitor
drew from his pocket a bottle of brandy, and pla-
ced it on the table. They ate and drank as much
as they wished, and then the pope began to play
with the woman, and feel her breasts, but just as
he was pushing her towards the bed, a knock was
heard at the window. << Open, wife 1 Why is the
house shut up? Have you a lover with you! »
— (( Wait a bit, my little man, and I will open
the ClOOI‘. ))

The pope was frightened. << \Vhat will be-

 

come of me? Where can I hide myself? » ——
« Undress yourself quickly, batouchka, replied
the mistress of the house; put on these old rags,
and sit down near the stove. If my husband'ques-
tions me about you I will say : It is a beggar
who asked a night’s shelter, which I granted
him. » The pope immediately took off his cas-
sock, put on the rags, and sat near the stove.
The moujik entered the igba. << Why have you
come back so soon, little man? You told me that
you had gone for three days. >> —— a I forgot to
take a barrel of water with me. Who is that
man there? » — << He is a poor traveller. He
asked hospitality for the night, and I took him
in. » -— << All right, mistress, serve supper, and
then we will go to bed, to—morrow I must get up
early and go to work. >> The peasant sat down at
the table and began to eat greedily. << Perhaps
you would like some brandy P )) said his wife. —

« Is there any in the house? » — << Yes, I went
to see my mother to—day, and she gave me a
whole bottle. >> The peasant drank several

glasses of spirits, then he said to the pope. << Sit
down there, comrade, and sup with us. » The
priest took his seat at the table but remained
silent. << Eh, wife, this fellow begs for alms, but
his beard covers all his face and he is ashamed
to show himself to honest people: see how
frightened he is! Give me a pair of scissors
and I will clip his beard. » The woman brought

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scissors and the peasant cut the pope’s beard
close to his chin.

A little later, a new idea came to the moujik.
<< Eh, mistress7 » he said, « go to the pope’s
wife, and ask her to come and eat a bit with us.
She is anice woman, and we ought to feast her. »
The wife ran to the priest’s house, and the
popadia, delighted at the invitation, quitted her
bed, dressed herself, and came to the moujik's hut.
« Why did you not come sooner, matouchka? »
he asked. << Oh, you know a pope‘s wife takes
some time to make her toilette. Whilst she is
washing and dressing a good moujik might tra-
vel ten verstes. J) —— « Well, sit down, matouchka,
and sup with us and take pot—luck. It is a feast
with us to—day, for our cow has calved. >> There—
upon he poured out for his visitor at large glass
of brandy, which was followed by a second, and
then a third. « Drink, matouchka, to the health
of our calf. » — Soon there was no more brandy
left. « Wife7 » ordered the moujik, << Go to the
inn and bring another half bottle : to—day I am
going to enjoy myself. »

The woman went to the inn, and the mou-
jik, seeing the pope’s wife was drunk, began to
make love to her.At first, his requests were ener—
getically refused, but he persisted tell at last she
gave in. a Do let me, I beg, matouchka >>, he
said supplicatingly. << I have never tried a pope’s
wife. » — « But where shall we conceal ourselves? »

 

 

_.199_

she replied. « There is a beggar here. >>— (( That
does’nt matter, let him look on! >) he answered;
then he laid the popadz'a on the bed, and began
to futter her under the‘eyes 0f the pope, Who
uttered deep groans as he contemplated the
scene.

Just as the moujik had finished performing on
the batouchka’s wife, the woman arrived with
the brandy, and drinking recommenced. At last
the visitor took leave and returned home; the
peasant went to bed with his wife; and the
false beggar lay on a bench and pretended to
go to sleep, but he was only waiting for a favou—
rable opportunity to slip away. The peasant,
seeing this, purposely pretended to snore loudly,
then the pope rose gently, and made off as fast
as he could. It was with difficulty that he could
reach home and open the door. As soon as he
had entered the house, he slipped out of his rags,
and lay down by the side of his wife. She pas-
sed her hand over his face, and, surprised to find
no beard, asked; << Who has shaved you like
this, batouchka? » — a The same devil that roge-
red you, » he replied. The popadz'a bit her
tongue when she heard this.

 

 

"—200—

LXV

The cunning woman.

A citizen had a very pretty wife. They were
very poor and one day the wife said to her
husband: « We must do something in order to

procure food. » ——- << But what are we to do? n ——
« I have an idea but don’t abuse me if I tel
you. » ~— << No, do what you like. » — « Hide

yourself, » replied his wife, << but be on the
watch. I will go and find someone and bring
him here; then do you knock at the door, and
we will settle his business. » — << Very well. »
She took a box filled it with soot and placed it
in the loft. The husband concealed himself; the
wife painted and dressed herself, then left the
house and went and sat under the window. Soon
afterwards the pope passed on horseback; he
came up to the pretty woman and said : « Why
are you dressed in this way, young woman? Is it

a feast day with you? » —- « No, it is no feast.
I dressed myself in this way to amuse myself ;
I am alone in the house. )) — << And your hus-
band, where is he? » -— « He is out at work. »

—— << Well, my dear, I can solace you in your
distress; let me step in and you shall not pass
the night alone. » —— << You are welcome, batou—
Chka. n — <( But What shall I do With myhorse? »

 

 

, "<a.;‘.'~

—201-—

Lead it into the courtyard, and I will send the
man to put it in the stable.

vThey entered the ifbd. —— a In the first place,
my dear, » said the pope « we must drink; —— here
is arouble; send for some spirits. » ~— The ser-
ving-man fetched them a bottle of vodka. which
they drank, and ate some dainties. << Now, » said
the pOpe, << It is time to go to bed;1et us get
between the sheet and cuddle. » —— « Listen,
batouchka! As at any rate we shall commit a
sin, be quite naked, that will be more pleasant. »

The pope completely undressed himself, but
just at the moment that he was getting into bed,
a violent knock was heard at the door.

« Oh, woe is me! my husband has returned!
Get up into the loft, batouchka and hide your-
self in the chest. >> —— Without stopping to dress
himself, the priest followed this advice, and lay
down in the soot. The husband entered the room
grumbling. « Why were you so long in opening
the door, you bitch? » — He went up to the
table, drank a glass of spirits, and ate a morsel
of meat, then left the house and hid himself
again. The wife returned to her former place
under the window.

The deacon chanced to pass and the same

‘ comedy was enacted with him. When the hus—

band knocked at the door, the deacon, quite
naked, jumped into the box of soot, and‘fell on
the top of the priest. << Who is there? » — « It

 

 

#202 -~

is I )), replied the pope in a low voice, « And who
are you, my friend? » ~— << I am the deacon,
batouchka. » — << But how is it you are here? »
—« And you, batouchka, by what chance are you
here? >) —— << Be quiet or the master of the house
will hear us, and it will be the worse for us. »

The woman next caught the clerk in the same
manner and he in his turn joined the pope and
the deacon in the soot box. << Who is there? »
he asked. << It is I and the deacon, >> replied the
pope, << And it seems to me you are the clerk. »
— << That is so, batouchka.»

The young woman again returned into the
street, and brought in the sexton. As soon as
he had undressed, a violent knocking was heard
at the door and ‘he quicklyjumped into the chest.

a Who is there? >> — (( It is I, my son, with the
father, deacon, and the clerk; and you, are you
not the sexton ? >> —— << Truly I am, batouchka! >>

— « Ah well, now my friend, the clerical staff
of the parish is complete.»

The husband entered, and said to his wife:
<< Have we not some soot to sell? Someone
wants to buy some. >> -— « Sell it then, » she
replied, << There is a chest full in the loft. » —
With the help of serving man, the husband
brought down the chest, put it on a cart, and
drove off. On the road, he met the carriage of a
barine. « Stand on one side! » cried the barine,
as loudly as he could. — << I can’t, I have devils

 

 

_20~)_

in my cart. » — (< Ah I show them to me! >> said
the barine. — (< Give me five hundred roubles. »
— r.< Why do you ask such a sum? >> — « Be-
cause ifI open the chest to show you them, they
will all bolt out at once. » -— The barine gave
the five hundred roubles, but as soon as the

peasant opened the Chest all the clericals of the
parish, black as real devils, jumped out and
ran away with all speed.

 

 

 

__204__.

ANOTHER VERSION

A moujik had a young and pretty wife. The
pope, the deacon and the clerk, were all in love
with her. << Well, matouchka, » said the pope to
her, << Is it not possible to ? ——- » << Come this
evening, batouchka; as soon as it is dark. » —
To the deacon who made the same request, she
replied : « Come, father deacon, when it is quite
dark. » —— To the clerk she gave a rendez-vous at
midnight. The moujik, who knew all about the
afiair, left home, taking a number of sacks with
him, as though he were going to market. The
pope came to see the woman, but he had hardly
undressed himself, before there was a knock at
the door; the husband had returned. The pope
hid himself in a large chest. Then came the
deacon, and he sought refuge in the same hiding
place, and fell on the top of the pope and after
them came the clerk, who also hid in the chest
and fell on the top of the deacon. — « Wife, >>
cried the moujik, << Give me my gun, I am going
to practise; chalk me out a target on that old
chest. » — The woman began to do so. — << Put
it higher! )) whispered the pope « Mark it low
down! >> begged the clerk. —- After he had well
frightened them, the peasant ordered his wife
to set them at liberty, but he stood on the door-
sill with a thick cudgel and gave them a good
thrashing as they all ran out.

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_205.__

The clerk and the deacon ran home; as to the
pope he hid himself in the stable under the cow.
The peasant saw it, and said to his wife, << Go
and fetch the popadia she has long wanted to

 

buy the cow and now I will sell it to her chea-
ply. » — On hearing this, the popadia left her
bed, dressed herself, and ran to the peasant’s
house. « Well Ivan, will you sell me your cow? >>
— « Yes, matouchka. » —— << How much do

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you ask? » —— u Forty roubles ; but if you will
let me take my pleasure with you, I will give
you the cow for nothing. » —— << I agree to that. »
—— The peasant laid down the popadia and futter—
ed her, then he said, << I will send the cow and
the calf to-morrow, matouchka. >> — The popa-
dia went home. <<~Give me some supper, » then
Cried the peasant to his wife. — << What would
you like? )> — « Give me some milk. )) —— « There
is none; the calf has drunk it all. » — The
peasant took his cudgel and gave the pope a
thrashing. The pope at first cried like a calf,
but at last he could bear it no longer and rushed
out of the house and ran home. — << Where have
you been? >> asked his wife, << You come home
after midnight; you are always going after
somewhere I >> — « Hold your tongue, you
bitch! >> replied the pope, << Where is the cow
you bought? n

ANOTHER VERSION

A blacksmith had a wife who was very beau—
tiful. They were very poor. One day the husband
said to his spouse, << Listen, wife! What are
we to do? Where shall we get some money?
You can pick up a lover, you are pretty
enough to turn the head of a rich man, go out
in the street and perhaps you will meet some
fool. But mind what you are about, if anyone

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....—-- ' .\~ ‘

 

“207—

solicits your favours, first insist on the money
in advance and then tell him to come to the
forge at night and enter by the chimney. I will
be there and arrange matters for him. >> —- The
wife dressed herself up and went out.

The first person who spoke to her was the pope
who knew her. — << Good day, little woman I Is
your husband at home? » — (< No, batouchka!
The barine has sent for him and he Will be at
work there for a month, so now I am alone. >>
—— « Ah, my dear, if you are alone it is so much
the better. Can I come and pass the night with
you? )) — << Why not, batouchka? Only give me
twenty roubles. )) —— << So be it, my dear, here
they are. I will come to you this evening, soon
after vespers. » —-— << Very well, batouchka, but
do not come to the z'glm; I shall pass the night
at the forge in order to watch over my husband’s
tools; you can see me there on the quiet. Come
down the chimney. » —- << All right, my dear. n
— Having‘received the pope’s money she conti-
nued her walk.

The churchwarden met her. << Ah, good day
kouznetchikha / (1) » — << Good day, good man. »
— « Is your husband at home? >> — << No, he
has gone to the barine’s house and will be at
work there for a month, so that now I am alone
in the house. >> « Cannot I spend a night with you

(1) A blacksmith‘s wife.

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~208—

my dear? » — << Why not? At present I am free,
give me twenty roubles and come to-night rather
late; I shall sleep in the forge, but When you
come, make no noise and instead of knocking
at the door, slip quietly down the chimney. » —
« That’s agreed! )) —— She took the churchwar-
den’s twenty roubles, and continued her walk.

A Tsigane met her and said : « Good day my
charmer! » — << Good day, Tsigane! » — (( Is
your old man at home, my well—beloved? » ——
<< No, he has gone to the barine’s to work, and
will be away a month, so now I am alone. » -—
« Ah, my beauty! Then I can pass the night
With you? » —— << Certainly you can come, but
give me twenty roubles, Tsigane. » — The Tsi-
gane pulled the money out of his pocket. Here
you are my pretty one! To-night I will come to
you. >> — << Come to the forge Tsigane, and des—
cend the chimney, I Will await you there. >> —-
« Very well, my dove, »

The Kougnetchz'hka returned home and said
to her husband. << Well, little man, to night I
shall receive the visit of three lovers; I have
taken twenty roubles from each of them. » —
« All right, wife. God be praised! I will settle
their business for them. »

As soon as it was dark, the moujik went to the
forge71ighted a fire, made his pincers hot, and
awaited the lovers. The pope hurried through the
vespers as fast as 'possible, put on his cassock,

 

 

__209__

and ran straight from the church to the forge.
On the road he met the church-warden. << Where
are you going, batouchka? >) u Be silent about
it, my friend! but I have sinned against God,
and am going to pass the night with the black‘
smith’s wife and I have paid in advance. » —
« That does’nt matter, my friend. We will go
together; that will be more amusing. » —- Just
as they» were approaching the forge, the Tsigane
joined them. << Ah, holy fathers, where are you
going? » —- « Be quiet, Tsigane; we are going
to pass the night with a woman, in that forge

you see there. » — << Ah, holy fathers, I also
am going to see her. >> — << Very well, come
With us. ))

The three men came to the forge. ‘« Now who
is to be the first to go down the chimney? » ——
« I, my friends, » replied the pope, « I am .the
eldest. » -— « Very well; go on, batouchka. » —
The priest took off his cassock, his boots and his
socks ; the church-warclen and the Tsigane fasten-
ed cords under his arms, and then prepared to
10wer him down the chimney. << My friends, »
said the pope to them, « As soon as I have
finished my business, I will cry, Fuz'k / You will
reply : Chmuik ! and then you will pull me up. »

No sooner had the pope made his descent,
than the blacksmith seized with his red hot pin—
cers, the genital parts of the batouchka. « Fuz'k.’ »
cried the priest in desperation. « Chmm'k,

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replied his companions, and pulled him up. « You
finished very quickly, batouchka, » remarked
the Tsigane. — « Ah, my friend, what a hot
hole she has. I had no sooner touched it than I
was burnt as though by a flash of gunpowder.
I have never met anything like it. » —— « Now
then it is my turn >). said the church—warden.
« Go on. » — The church—warden undressed him—
self, and the pope and the Tsigane passed a
cord under his arms and lowered him into the
forge, where he was received by the husband in
the same way as his predecessor had been. << Fuz'k »
he cried. « Chmuik n, said the others, and they
hauled him out of the chimney. « We11,Isigane, »
said the church—warden, when he was at the top,
« I do not regret my twenty roubles. It was
worth it. It is your turn now. » — <( I shall not
be like you, holy fathers. I shall not leave her
till I have performed three times. So listen to
what I say, holy fathers. Do not pull me up till
you have heard me cry out Fuz'k three times. >>
— << Very good. ».

The Tsigane was lowered. As soon as the
blacksmith found that the third lover was in the
chimney, his hot pincers again did their work.
« ka >> cried the Tsigane at the top of his voice,
but no one appeared to hear him. » Fuz'k >>, he
cried again, but the second appeal remained with-
out a response. « Fail: », a third time shouted the
poor wretch. « Damn you, batouchka. There is

re.,-..‘..«- t“ ’

 

—ZII —

no rogering here, but they burn you alive ins-
tead Fm‘k/ >) — << Chmuik! replied the pope
and the churCh-warden, pulling up the cord. As
soon as he was out of the forge, the Tsigane,
whose testicles were in a sad state, began to
violently abuse the pope. « Old goat—beard.
Why did you not say how you had been recei-
ved down there? May the devil take you. You
alone ought to have had your testicles burned.
Oh, holy fathers, he has scorched me worse
than either of you. >> -——- (< That is nothing, my
friend. The whore has deceived us, let us all go
to the zlflm and settle accounts with her. »

They put on their clothes the best way they
could, and hobbled along till they came to the
house of the blacksmith, and there they found
the woman at home. << How have you treated us,
you wretched woman? » —- << Ah, my dear
friends » she replied, « I am deeply grieved that
the devil moved my husband to come home. He
returned unexpectedly, and this evening went
to work at the forge. Sit down, friends, while
I dress myself. We have all the night before us :
my husband is now at the stithy, and will
remain there till the morning.

The visitors sat down. Suddenly they heard the
blacksmith arrive. He pretended to be drunk,
knocked loudly at the door, and abused his
wife. « Open the door, you Whore. » On hea—
ring this noise, and these shouts, the three men

 

 

—212—

rose hurriedly. a What Will become of us, now_? >>
—— << Don’t be afraid friends, » said the kougnel—
chz'kha. << I will conceal you. He is drunk and
Will soon go to sleep. You, batouchka, quickly
take oif all your clothes, and stand quite naked
in that corner. I will tell my husband that I
have bought an idol. »

The pope pulled off his cassock, boots, socks,
and shirt and placed himself in the place indi-
cated in the position of an idol, which his white
beard and scanty hair made him resemble. « And
I? — where shall I put myself? >> asked the
churchwarden. — << And I? » said the Tsigane.
— << You, my friends, undress yourselves com—
pletely. You, » —— she said addressing the church-
warden, —- << I will fasten by a rope to this
hook, and I will tell my husband that I have
bought a large cask. As for you, Tsigane, you
get into that mash—tub and keep quiet, and he
will not even see you. >>

They both stripped and the mistress of the
house fastened the Church~warden t0 the hook
with a rope, and the Tsigane jumped into the
mash-tub. Then the Kougnetchz‘k/za opened the
door to her husband. He came in grumbling, and
cried: << Wife, give me sbme supper ! >> Then he
looked round, and saw the pope standing in the
corner. << Ah, what is that big devil over there? »
— << May the Lord help you! That a devil! It
is an idol! » ~— << How much did you pay for

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such a big one? —— << I will tell you to-morrow :
now go to bed. » The blacksmith lighted a

candle, walked up to the pope and laid hold of his '

member. << What is thisfor? » asked the black-
smith of his wife. —— (( To put a candle in. »
« Very good! I will put one in. >> He took a
candle, and placed it on that part of the pope’s
person, but the candle fell off and rolled on the
ground. << If this candlestick is made red hot it
will hold the candle better. » So saying the
blacksmith applied the flame of the candle to
the tip of the priest’s yard. The pope unable to
stand the pain, jumped over the table, and,
naked though he was, ran out of the z'gba. « Ah,
you whore! » cried the husband, << That is not

an idol you have bought, but a devil. You see‘ 3
he has run away, and you have lost your'

money. »
He then drew near the hook. « But what is
this hanging here? » — « It_is a big cask that I

have bought to hold water. » -— « “That? a cask?
It is a fine tub, but is it sound? >> —— « Yes ; I
struck it with my fist and it rang well. » —
« Wait a bit! I will try it with a thick stick and
we shall see if it does not break. « He tooka
cudgel and belaboured with all his might the
ribs of the church—warden, who swung backwards
and forwards like a pendulum. At last the rope
broke, the church—warden cracked his head
against the floor, but jumped up with a bound

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and quickly gained the door. << Well, you have
made some fine bargains, » remarked the black-
smith. << Now I am going to drink some kvass. »

He walked up to the tub, and saw the Tsigane
up to his neck in the mash, with only his head
uncovered. The blacksmith crossed himself.
« This is the result of living with a slut like you.
You must have kept these grains in the tub ever
since you married me and the devils have bred
in it. >> He nailed a lid on the top of the tub, and
the poor Tsigane remained there two days
without any food.

On the third day, the blacksmith harnessed his
horse, put the tub into the cart, and drove to the
lake. When he arrived there, he took off his
boots, tucked up his trousers and waded into the
lake. Then he walked along in the water holding
his whip as though he had been fishing. In a
little time a barine passed that way. << Good day,
moujik. >> —— « Ah, barine, why did you speak to
me? You have spoiled my fishing. » << What do
you mean by spoiled my fishing P >> — « Yes, a
devil was just on the point of nibbling at my
hook, and now you have scared it away. » ~—
« What absurd tales you are telling me » —
What. do you mean by tales? I had already
caught one and put him in that tub and I should
have caught another if you had not frightened
him. >> —— « Show me the one you have caught I >>
— « I will not show it, barine » —— << Here are

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fifty roubles for you. » -— « Up at home, my
masters would give me a hundred. » — « Very
well, I will give you a hundred roubles. » The
blacksmith took the barine’s money and opened
the tub; the Tsigane immedéately jumped out, all

 

covered with grains from head to foot, and ran

away as fast as his legs could carry him. (( Truly
it is a devil, » said the barine and spat. « It is
the first time I have ever seen one in all my life; »

When he returned home, the blacksmith said to
his wife : « Well, wife, I have sold the Tsigane
for a hundred roubles ; now there only remains to
sell the pope’s cassock and we shall have done

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an excellent stroke of business. » He put on the
cassock, took the batouchka’s cane, and went
early in the morning to the priest’s house. The
pope, when he saw the blacksmith, said to him-
self : << It will be a bad business for me if my
parishioners should hear of my adventure. >> —
So he begged of his visitor to conceal the affair.
« I beg of you, friend, not to let the people laugh

at my expense. » —- << What will you give me?
Will you buy back these articles for a hundred
roubles? » —- « It is not a hundred roubles that

I offer you but a hundred and fifty. » — On
receiving the money, the blacksmith returned
to the pope the cassock and the cane. Then he
returned home, and from that time the couple
liveda little more confortably.

LXVI

The J ewess.

A lad went to seek for work ; on the road he
entered an inn to pass the night. The inn was
kept by a Jew and his wife. When evening came
they all lay on the floor. In the night the Jewess
was too warm and whilst half asleep and half
awake she threw off all she had on her, and lay
with hera .. e uncovered. At this sight the lad
was seized with a desire, which he unhesitating—

 

—217—

1y gratified; he attacked his host’s wife and
began to roger her. « Volko! Volko! » said the
Jewess, thinking it was her husband. « Be quiet
with your Volko, » replied the lad, << Or you will

 

awaken the Jew, » —— The woman passed her hand
over the head of the young man and did not find
there the curls which the Jews are accustomed to
wear. << Volko, is that you? n she asked. « Be
silent » said the lad, and made haste to finish his
business.

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LXVII
Nicholas the Hermit.

An old peasant had a young wife. She often
received the visits of a young man who was in
love with her and who was named Terekha
Gladkoi. The old man found it out and said to
his spouse: << Wife, I went to the wood and
found Nicholas the hermit, whatever you ask
him he will grant. » The next morning he went
off to the forest, found an old pine-tree, and sat
himself in the hollow trunk. His wife set to
work, and after she had made a goodly number
of pies and little rolls, and savoury blines, and
went to the wood to pray to Nicholas the hermit.

When she came near the pine—tree she saw the
old man. << There is Nicholas the hermit, » she
said to herself, and she began to pray : « Ba—
touchka Nicholas, cause my husband to become
blind! » — (( Return home, woman, » replied
the old man, « your husband shall lose his sight ;
but leave your pies here. » The peasant woman
put down the basket at the foot of the tree and
returned home. Soon aftewards the old man left
his hiding place, ate up the pies, the rolls, and
the blines then cut himself a thick stick, and
made his way to his house. When he neared home
he began to grope with his hands and tap with

 

__219_

his stick like a blind man << Why are you walking
so carefully, old man? » asked his wife. « Cannot
you see well? >> — « Alas, my darling, a misfor—
tune has happened to me, and I have lost my
sight. » The woman took her husband by the
arm led him into the house, and made him sit
down by the stove.

On the evening of the same day she received a
visit from her lover, Terekha Gladkoi k< Now you
need no longer be afraid, » she said, « Come and
see me whenever you like. To-day I went to the
wood and I prayed to Nicholas the hermit to make
my husband blind, and he has just come back to
the house and cannot see at all. » —— Then the
young woman made some blines7 and when they
were put on the table, Terekha began to eat them
greedily. << Take care, Terekha, not to choke
yourself with the blines, » said the woman, « I
will bring you something to moisten them. She
went to fetch some butter and as soon as she was
gone, the old man took a cross—bow, loaded it,
aimed, and shot Terekha Gladkoi dead. Then he
jumped off the stove, rolled up a bline into a ball
and stuffed it into Terekha’s mouth that it might
look as though he had choked himself, and having
done that he resumed his place on the stove.

The woman returned with the butter, and
seeing Terekha lifeless, she cried, a I told you
not to eat blines without butter or you would
choke yourself. You would not listen to me and

 

 

——22o——

new you are dead! » — She took the body of the
young man, dragged it under the staircase, and
went to bed. As she could not sleep alone, she
called to her husband to come to her, but he re—
plied, « I am very well where I am. » After some
time he cried as though he were in a dream,
(< Wife, get up! Terekha Gladkoi is lying dead
under our staircase. >> -— « Did you see that in a
dream, old man? » she asked.

The husband came down from the stove,
pushed the body of Terekha Gladkoi out of the
house, and dragged it to the residence of a rich
moujik. Before the door was a cask of honey;
the old man placed the body against it and put in
the dead man’s hand a scoop, so that Terekha had
the appearance of being engaged. in taking the
honey out of the cask. The moujik saw him and
took him for a thief, so he ran up and gave him
a blow on the head with a cudgel. The body, of
course, rolled on the ground, and the old man,
who had hidden himself in a corner, quickly ran
up and collared the moujik, << Why have you
killed this young man? » — << I will give you a
hundred roubles if you will not say a word about
it to any one replied the moujik. » —-—- (x’ Give me
five hundred, or I will deliver you up tojustice. »
The moujik gave the five hundred roubles.

The old man took the body and dragged it to
the pope’s house. Then he took a horse out of the
pope’s stable, put Terekha on its back, and let

 

—221—-

the animal loose. The pope rushed out, began to
Curse Terekha, and tried to stop him ; the horse
galloped into the stable and the rider came into
collision with a beam of wood, was thrown out of
the saddle, and rolled on the ground at the horse’s
feet. Then the old man came up‘ and seized the
pope by the beard. << Why have you killed this
young man? Come with me to the police ! »

What was to be done? The pope gave the old
man three hundred roubles, on condition that he
would hold his tongue, and proceeded to bury the
defunct.

 

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ANOTHER VERSION

A pope had a wife who deceived him and had
a lover. The pope’s man—servant discovered this
intrigue, and did all he could to oppose it. « How
can I get rid of him ? » said the faithless spouse
to herself, and she went to ask the advice of an
old Witch, but the man—servant had long before
made arrangements with her. << My dear friend »,
said the erring wife; << Help me to get rid of the
pope and his man—servant >> — << Go to the wood, »
replied the old woman (( and there you will find,
Nicholas the hermit. Address yourself to him,
and he Will help you. »

The pope’s wife Went the wood and sought
for Nicholas the hermit. The man—servant had
thoroughly diguised himself,and floured his beard,
and hidden himself in a hollow—tree. He uttered
a groan which attracted the attention of the
young woman : she turned her eyes in the direc—
tion from whence it came, and saw inside a hol—
low—tree, an old man With white hair. She ap-
proached the tree. <( Batouchka Nicholas the
hermit, » she said, « how can I kill the pope
and his servant? » —— « Oh, woman, woman I »
replied Nicholas the hermit, « To kill them would
be a crime, but I can deprive them of sight. T0-
morrow make a great number of blines with
butter and they will eat them and become blind:

 

_223_.._

if also you cook some eggs they will lose their
hearing after they have eaten. »

When she returned home the woman prepared
the blines, and the next day she baked them and
cooked some eggs. The pope and his servant
were about to start off to work in the country,
and she invited them to breakfast before they
started. Then she served the blines and the eggs
and spared nothing. << Eat these with plenty of
butter, my dear friends, » she said, << that will
be nicer. » The servant had told the pope what
to do. When they had eaten, they began to say :
<< How dark it is! » and groped their way to
the wall. << What is the matter, my friends? » ——
<< God has punished us, we cannot see. >> —— The
woman helped them to lie down on the stove,
after which she called her lover, and they began
to drink and to play. << Let me f..k you, >> said
the lover << but from behind, like the goats do. »
The young woman put herself in the required
position, and her lover mounted on her. Then
the pope and the servant jumped off the stove
and fell on the guilty couple.

LXVHI
The two brothers.

A peasant had two sons, both of an age to settle
downjn life. The old man consulted his wife on this

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_224__

subject. << Which of our two sons shall marry? »
he asked the old woman; << Gritza or Laur? »
— (( Let the eldest marry, >> she replied. And
during the carnival, they betrothed Laur to a
young girl of a neighbouring Village. Holy week
came and then Lent being finished, Laur prepa—
red to pay a Visit to his future wife in company
with his brother Gritzka. They rode in a carriage
drawn by two horses, and Laur as the fiance occu-
pied the master’s place, whilst his brother acted
as coachman.

They had hardly quitted the Village than Laur,
who had made up for his long abstinence in Lent,
required to let down his trousers. << Brother
Gritzka n he said, a stop the horses. »—<< Why? ))
-- « I want to ease myself. n — << What a fool
you are P You can’t do that on our land. Wait a
bit and we shall cross a neighbour’s field, and
there you can deposit all you have in your belly. »
— Laur was obliged to wait, with the sweat
rolling down his face.

Soon the carriage entered a neighbour’s field.
« Now, brother, » said Laur, « Be kind enough
to stop the horses. 1 cannot hold out any longer :
it is more them I can bear. » — « You are a
fool, » replied Gritzka. « Why did you not
speak whilst we were passing through our own
fields? There, you could have done as you liked.
But now the case is different, and you know
well enough that it is not proper to deposit filth

 

 

 

 

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_225_

in another man’s field. Besides, some devil
might see us, and beat us both, and take away
our horses. Hold in a bit; when we arrive
in your father-in—law’s court—yard, jump out
of the carriage and go straight to the privy.
There you can relieve yourself, and I mean—
while will unharness the horses. >> —- Laur remain-
ed in the carriage and bore his discomfort as
best he could.

They arrived in the village, and entered the
father—in—law’s court—yard. Near the gate stood
the mother of the future bride, who welcomed
her future son—in—law with the words, << Good day,
my son, my dearest! We have been waiting
for you a long time already. » Without answer-
ing a word, Laur jumped out, and made his
way towards the privy. Thinking that he was
timid, the old woman seized him by the arm,
and said : (r Why are you ashamed, my son?
May God be with you. Do not be afraid : there
is no stranger With us, and I humbly beg you. to
enter the house. a She led him at once into the
z‘gba, and made him sit at the top of the table.
Being no longer able to contain himself, Laur let
fly in his trousers,and sat motionless in his place,»
being afraid to make the least movement. The
mistress of the house meantime hurried about,
and prepared a repast for her guests, then took
a decanter of brandy, and filled a glass which
she handed to the flancé. He rose to take it, but

15

 

 

u

w 226 —-—

at that moment the fecal matter in the seat of
his pantaloons slipped down his thighs descend—
edtinto his boots and infected all the z'gba.
(k Where does this stink come from? » The
mother-in—law searched in every corner, to see
if the children had not made a mess somewhere.
No! she could not find a trace of anything, so
the old woman then addressed her visitors. « My
friends,. our courtyard is very dirty ; one of you
has perhaps put his foot in some dirty mess. » She
first went to Gritzka, and not finding upon him
what she sought, she approached Laur. << Ah,
son-in—law, you no sooner came into the yard
than you turned towards the privy: have you
besh...t yourself? » She beganto feel the young
man’s clothes, and on touching his knees, she
dirtied her hand.

Then she began to abuse Laur. « You must
have lost your senses! What the devil is the
matter with you? It was certainly to make game
of us, and not to pay us a friendly Visit, that you
came here you rascal. He has eaten and drunk
nothing in the house, and he already makes a
mess under him at the table. Go to the devil,
and be his son-in—law and not ours. » —- There-
upon the old woman called her daughter, and
said : << My dear child, I will not allow you 'to
marry this dirty beast. Marry his brother; he is
the right man for you i » Laur was pushed on one
side, and his place was given to Gritzka : then

 

_227__

the repast commenced and the company ate and
drank till evening.

When night came, all went to bed. The mis-
tress of the house said to the Visitors: « You
will sleep in the new z'gba. You, daughter, pre—
pare a bed for your future husband.As for this

dirty blackguard, there isn 0 need to prepare one '

for him; he can sleep on a bench. ;> The two
young men went to bed; but whilst Gritzka had a
feather bed, Laur was obliged to lie on a bench :
he could not sleep and thought only of the best way
to revenge himself for the trick his brother had
played him. When he heard Gritzka snoring, he
rose, and gently pushed the table against the
door, after which he lay down again on his
bench.

At midnight Gritzka awoke: he quitted his
bed and wanted to relieve himself. He tried to
leave the house, but when he went towards
where he thought the door was, he knocked
against the table. « What is the meaning of
this P Where is the door P >> he asked himself.

He retraced his steps, and groped about but‘

though he felt everywhere ‘he only encoun—
tered the walls. << What can have become of
the door? » However his necessity became
pressing, and tormented him more and more.
What was to be done? Gritzka sat down near
the table and discharged the load Whichinconve-
nienced him. Then he reflected; « This is a bad

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job : I must get rid of this between now and t0-
morrow morning. >> On looking round he saw a
large crack in the wall, and thought he would put
his misdeed out of sight, but he missed his aim,
and the fecal matter struck the wall by the side
ofthe crack and rebounded into his face. Gritzka
wiped himself with his hands, and then took a
double handful, and made a fresh attempt, but
with no more success than on the first occasion.
He only succeeded in dirtying the wall, and dir-
tying himself. He must wash himself, and so
the poor young man began to search for Some
water. By feeling about he discovered on the
stove a saucepan which contained some dye,
which had been used for colouring the Easter
eggs. He took the saucepan off the stove, and
washed his face and hands. << Now, the misfortune
is rectified; » and with this reflection Gritzka
went to bed again. As soon as he was asleep, his
brother arose noiselessy, and put the table back
in its proper place.

It was broad daylight when the girl woke up
her sweetheart. << Get up, dearest, » :she said,
« breakfast is ready. » But what was her
fright, when casting her eyes on her future
husband, she saw that he looked like a de-
vil. The girl was frightened and fled, and ran
weeping to her mother. << Why are you weep—
ing? » asked the old woman. << Why should
I not weep? Come and see for yourself what

.‘ _u..f, x- A-

 

_229__

has happened in the new z'gba ! » — « But
what can have happened there? Youn, fiance is
there with his brother. » — << What do you mean
by my fiance? It is a devil and not a man! » —
All three, the father, the mother and the young
girl, went to the izba where the future husband
had passed the night. On seing them, Gritzka put
on ajoyous smile; his teeth only were white but
all the rest of his face was a dark blue which
gave him the appearance of a veritable demon.
The master and mistress of the house fled.
The old man carefully closed the door of the
izba and went to the pope. << Batouchka, come
and bless our new izba and drive out the impure
spirit : the devil one has taken possession ofit I »
— << What, my friend, there are devils in your
house? But I also am afraid of devils, friend! »
—— « Don’t be afraid, batouchka I I have a mare!
If anything should happen, spur it up and gallop
away, there is not a devil or even a bird that

could catch you. >) —— « Very well, friend, I will
drive away the impure spirit, only the mare must
belong to me. >> —— << It shall be yours, batouchka:

it shall be yours, » replied the moujik bowing
before the priest.

The priest went to the z'gba accompanied by a
deacon and a sacristan : they were clad in' their
sacerdotal garments, and each held in his hand a
censer in which burned a few grains of incense.
The three men marched round the z'gba singing.

 

 

H

— 230 —

<< Oh lord most holy! » — a Ah, » thought
Gritzka (< here is- the pope with his cross. I will
stand near the door and when he comes in, I will
ask his blessing. >> He placed himself near the
door and waited. After he had made the circuit
of the igba three times, the pope was about to
enter, but as soon as he crossed the threshold he
drew back hurriedly, for Gritzka was standing
there with a blue hand outstreched. The priest
fled at once, jumped on the mare’s back, and hav-
ing no whip, beat the horses flanks with the cen—
ser. The animal started off at a gallop : the pope
tried to pull up the horse, but only made it go
all the faster. In its headlong flight the mare ran
up against an obstacle. The pope lost his seat,
was thrown, and cracked his skull. As to the two
brothers, they returned home, neither having suc-
ceeded better than the other.

LXlX
The girl Without a head.

A peasant lived with his wife. He took a cow
to the fair, and sold it to a moujik from another
Village; after they had drank a bottle of wine
together the two men began to fraternise. (( Well
mate I, now we are friends for ever. » << Certainly,
mate, why not P >> After that, every time they

4““: --v,,——<--.: , mi . 74,. «

 

_231_

met they looked on each other as an old friend,
and had a friendly glaés together. One day by
chance they met in an eating house. u Ah, good
day, mate. )) — u Good day, mate! How is your
cow? >> —- (< Thank God
she is all right. >> — « So
much the better ; praise be
to God I But look here,
mate : cannot we unite our
families. —— << Why not?
You have a son of an age
to set up for himself, and I
have a daughter to marry. >>
— « Very good, then we
may look upon that as
being settled, eh? » —- « Cer-
tainly : that is arranged. >>
They talked together for a
few minutes, and then
parted, when he returned
home, the peasant who had
sold the cow, said to his
son: « Thanks to me, my
boy, you can get married.
I have found a wife for you. » —— << Where did you

find her, father? » << Do you remember my mate,

to whom I sold a cow lately? » -— « Yes, father. ))

~— (( Well, my mate has a daughter, — a beauty. »

—— << Have you seen her? » — a No; but her fa—

ther told me so. >) —— << If you have not seen her '

 

 

 

_232._.

you cannot brag about her beauty. You know
well enough one should never buy a pig in a
poke. Let me. go to their village and I will find
out what sort of a girl she is. >> — << Very good,
go, and God be with you. »

The young man dressed himself as poorly as
he could, put a bridle over his shoulder, took a '
whip in his hand, and went off to the house of his
father’s friend. He arrived in the evening and
knocked at the window of the igba. << Good day,
master. >) —- << Good day, my man, » replied the
master of the house, << What is it you want? >) ——
a Give me shelter for the night! >) —— << Where
do you come from? >> — << From far off : I live
a hundred versts from here. I am looking for my
master’s horses, dz'adouc/zka: they were stolen
from me at a place where I had stopped for the
night, and for three days I have been looking for
them7 and cannot find them. >> <( Very well, stop
with us. >>

The young man entered the house, took the
bridle off his shoulder, and hung it on a nail;
then he sat on a bench and began to examine
the young girl. << And what good news is there
with you P >> asked the peasant of his guest. ——
<< The news with us is not good, diadouchka .-
we hear of nothing but misfortune. » —— (< Whatis
that? » — « Why, every night there are people
eaten by wolves : for the last fortnight there has
hardly been a night when the wolves did not de-

 

_233_

vour five or even ten persons. » The conversation
was continued for some time, and then all went
to bed ; the old man and his wife in the chamber;
their daughter and the traveller in the vestibule;
but the former in a bed, and the latter on a heap
of hay.

When he laid down the lad listened for a long
while, expecting that the young girl would receive
a visit from some lover. One hour, two hours,
passed, and then a knock was heard at the door.
<< Open, dearest, >) said a voice. The girl rose
noiselessly, opened the door, and her lover en-
tered, he undressed himself and got into bed
With her. After they had talked a bit, the Visitor
got on the girl and rode her twice. « Listen,
dearest: women have told me that if the legs
are tied to the neck with a cord the slit is stretch-
ed open, and it is very good it appears to futter
that ivay: there is hardly a movement to make. »
— « Let us try it, dearest. >) The lover did not
heed to be asked twice :with his belt he fastened
the girl’s legs up to her neck, and began to roger
her in that position.

The traveller, Who lay in the vestibule, then
quickly rose to his feet, and cried with all his
might. >> Look out! Get up master! You have
lost your daughter : the wolves have eaten her
head. >> The lover made to the door in one bound,
but the traveller seized him by the collar. « No,
my‘friend : you will stop here I Wait a minute. >>

,wKLUm ‘ i, ,

.4 3!:

N ...,A.{

m A_yww W’suw,\pm,q
w , nv’)\ nv<~""‘;~

w <~»« ,-..,».+~,,

 

 

__234_..

On hearing the cries ofitheir guest, the peasant
and his wife ran hurriedly out of their room,
and came to their daughter’s bed. The old man
felt in the bed in the dark, and his hand encoun—
tered a coyn‘te and an a..e ; he was greatly fright-
ened, and thought it was only a trunk without any
head. « Bringa light quickly I We have lost our
child I >> he cried to his wife, and began to weep
over his daughter whose coynte and a..e he still
held in his hand.

The old woman returned with a candle. << Look
she is tied up! Oh! Lord, what is the meaning of
this. >> — << Here is the wolf, dz'adouclzka, » said
the traveller bringing forward his prisoner. u Oh!
son of a bitch that you are! » cried the mother.
<< Could’nt you futter her simply and fairly? »'
The gallant was taken by the shoulders, and
pushed out of the house, and the girl was untied.
« I beg of you, friend, » said the old man to his
guest, a not to speak of our misfortune to anyone,
here are twenty five roubles for you to purchase
your silence. )) — « No, diadouchka I will not
mention it. May God help you ; — it is no business
of mine! »

The next morning, the peasant gave the young
man a good breakfast, and escorted him to the
end of the Village. On his road home, the young
man met a band of beggars, each with his
wallet.

« Listen to me, poor people, » said he, << Go to

 

~235—

such and such a place at the far end of this vil-
lage; a rich peasant lives there, who is celebrat-
ing a service for his daughter, who had her head
eaten by wolves. He is a good man, he will re—
ceive you and give you something to eat and
even put something in your wallets. » The beg—
gars went straightway to the indicated address.
When they arrived in the court—yard of the pea—
sant’s house, they stood in a row and waited for
their dinner. << What a lot there are of them, »
said the peasant, when he perceived them. He
took a large round loaf and cut off a.slice for each
of the beggars; but when the distribution was
finished, they still did not move. << What are you
waiting for? >> asked the moujik. << I have given

you alms. » —— << But, dz'adouclzlm, it would be
but kind to give us a dinner in memory of your
daughter. >) — « What daughter? » a Why the

one the wolves have eaten. » — << Who the devil
told you that? Nothing of the kind has happened
at my house. » — << We were told by a young
man, who sent us here. )) ~— « Get out! De—
camp E >> roared the peasant.

The beggars went away, and the moujik said
to his wife: « Well, old woman, I have made a
nice mess ofit. The money that I gave to that son
of a bitch was a dead loss ; he promised not to
tell anyone, and he had hardly left here than he
sent us a whole band of beggars. He must cer—
tainly have told the story throughout the coun-

 

m;-' _ =1

IAN“,

mo» ,1- 4...”-.. .m.

“4%” :1 a

 

 

—236—

try side. If my mate should hear of it, the mar-
riage would be spoiled. »

During this time the young man continued his
journey. When he arrived home, his parents
said to him: << Well, my son, have you seen your

future wife? >> — << Ah, father, don’t renew my
grief: it would have been better if I had never
seen her. » — « Why so? » — << She whom you

destined for my wife (God rest her soul), has
had her head devoured by wolves: — only the
trunk was left. They are going to bury her to-
morrow. » << What a misfortune for that poor
family I We must go, old woman, and see the
poor girl before they bury her. Those people have
been very kind to us! Harness the horse, son;
your mother and I will go and see our old
friend. )>

The young man harnessed the horse, the two
old people mounted the car and started off. When
the vehicle drew near the house, the peasant saw
his friends, and ran out to meet them. << Good
day, mate: how are you? Come into the igba, my
dear visitors! )) ~—— << Thank you, mate, » they
replied sadly, « but we are not making a visit;
we have come to pay the last farewell to your
daughter. Evidently it was decreed that there
was not to be an alliance between our two fami-
lies. » — « Why not, mate. » — << Why, there
has been a sad accident in your house ; the wolves
have eaten up your daughter. >> —— « When?

 

~237—

Who told you that? » _ << It was my son; he
lodged at your house last night, and saw the acci—
dent with his own eyes. » —-— << Oh, indeed! That is
curious ! So that was your son! Well, there’s
nothing to be said; for though my daughter is
still alive, the match is broken off. >> After a
little conversation they Separated and from that
day, the two peasants ceased to call each other
(( mate ».

ANOTHER VERSION

A soldier who was on furlough received hos—

- pitality for a night at the house of a pope. This
pope had a daughter of whom the soldier had

heard talk on the road: it was said that she had

intimate relations with a young man. Supper

was served, and the master and mistress of the

house sat down with their guest. « Where do you

serve, soldier? » asked the pope. -—- << At Piter(1),

batouchka. » — << Do you often see the

czar? » —— << Continually » << Is there any news? »

—— << Yes, I have heard something, — but I

must not repeat it. >>—<< Tell us what it is friend. »

—— « You will know, when the ukase is issued. >>

— « No, tell us now, please » —— << Well, >> replied

the soldier, as though overcome by the pertina-

_' city of the priest; << It is going to be made obli-

(1) The popular name for Saint-Petersburg.

 

 

—238_

gatory on every woman when she is futtered, to
have her head and feet passed through a horse-
Collar. What severe laws are always being made.
Even when you lie with a woman you must ob—
serve certain rules! » — <<' There is nothing to
be done : the czar is master, » observed the pope.

His daughter, who was present at this con-
versation, had not lost a word. When bed—time
came, she took her place on the stove, and the
soldier mounted into the loft. << (irive me a thick
stick, batouchka, » he said to the pope. «Why do
you want it, soldier P » ~— « Why, very likely
wolves come into your house in the night. » —
The pope laughed and gave him a cudgel, and
said to his daughter: a They say there are no
fools at Piter; but isn’t this soldier one? He
thinks that the wolves come into a man’s house. »

At midnight the lover of the young girl came ;
he drew near the stove upon which she was lying,
and would have lain with her, but she would not
permitit. « Bring me a horse—collar, >) she said;

<< The Czar has made a new law ; — a Soldier told
my father about it to—day. » —— << And where
shall I find a horse-collar. )) —— « There is one

hung on a nail in the vestibule. » The lover
went and fetched the required article; put his
sweetheart’s legs in the collar, lifted them as
high as he could, and then put her head in. Hard—
ly had he commenced to f..k her that the
soldierjumped out of the loft, gave the lover a

 

_239_

violent blow on the a ..e with his cudgel, and
began to cry with all his might, << Batouchka!
the wolves! >> The gallant decamped without finish—
ing his business : the pope and his wife ran
towards the stove to see if the wolves were really
devouring their daughter.

The father seized the girl by her vulva, the
mother grabbed her by the a.. e. (( Ah, poor
child, >> they cried : << the wolves have eaten her
head. » Just then the soldier came with a light,
and the parents perceived that their daughter was
alive, but that she had her head and legs passed
through a horse collar. The soldier at this sight
began to cry, << What i has she dared to do that
without waiting for the czar’s order ? >> — (( Don’t
say anything about it, » begged the pope, << and
here are a hundred roubles for you. i» —The
soldier took the money, and said : (( Very well I
so be it, batouchkal I pardon her on account of ‘
her youth and foolishness, but if it had been you,
and your had rogered your Wife in that way, you
would not have got off for less than a thousand
roubles! »

LXX
Women’s Mischief. 7

My dear little aunt! I want to ask you —- »
(( Well, speak, what is it you want? » —-

 

 

_..240_

<< I want you know. >> The aunt understood at once
what was the matter. << So be it, Ivanouchka, I
would like to do you a favour, but you do not
know what mischief a woman can make. » —
« Perhaps, aunt, I am riot altogether incapable of
it myself. >> —— << Very well; come to—night under
our window. >>

The lad was delighted and awaited the evening
with impatience, and as soon as it was dark went
into his uncle’s farm-yard; but the ground was
covered with hemp—boon which crackled under
his feet. << See who is there, old man, » said the
aunt to her husband. << Some one is walking
round the z'glm .' is it a thief? >> The uncle opened
the window, and asked : << Who is wandering
round here? » << It isI, uncle, )> replied the nephew.
a What the devil has brought you here? » ——
<< \Vhy, uncle; I have had a dispute with my
father. He declared that there were nine rows of
beams in your z'gba and I maintained there were
ten. So I have come to count them. >> — (( Has
the old devil lost his senses? >> said the uncle.
<< He helped me to build the house himself, and he
ought to know there are ten rows of timbers. »
— << That is so, uncle, that is so. I will go back
and spit in my father’s face. >>

The next day the lad said to his aunt : << Well,
aunt. Is there no method of having a turn with
you? n — << How silly you are! How could I
come to you whilst your uncle was talking to

 

_ 241—

you? But you know the place where we drive
in the sheep : go there to—night and you will cer—
tainly see me. >> The night came and the lad did
not fail to be at the appointed place. He hid
himself in a corner, and awaited his aunt. But
she said to her husband. << Listen, old man!
There is a noise in our farm-yard : it sounds as
though some wild beast had come in. Our sheep
are frightened. Can a wolf have got into our
sheep-fold P »

The old. man went into the 'farm—yard and

called out. << Who is there? » — << It is I uncle. »
— (( What the devil brings you here at such an
hour? » —— << How can I help it, uncle ? My

father gives me no rest: just now we nearly
came to blows. » — << Why so? )) — << He said
that you had nine sheep and a ram : I maintain—
ed that you had only nine sheep, because'you
had killed the ram. >> — « Yes : you are right;
I killed the ram for a christening dinner. The
old devil was even present at that dinner, and
helped to eat the ram! Although he is my own
brother, to—morrow, when I see him, I will spit
in his face. >) — << And I, although he is my own
father, I will pull his beard out; he will not even
let his own family sleep in peace! Good night,
uncle. » —— << Take care of yourself ! » -— During
this conversation, the aunt was almost co‘nvulsed
with laughter.

On the morrow, the nephew, when he met
16

 

 

_242._

her, said : << Oh, aunt, aunt 1 Are you not asham— .
ed? I shall never be able to have you! » ——
<< Oh, Vania, how silly you are! Could I come
whilst your uncle was talking to you? That makes
twice you have failed; try to be more fortunate
the third time. Come to night to our izba : you
know where we sleep. You Will be able to feel
me, I shall have my a..e in the air. »

When the aunt got into bed with her husband,
she spoke to him as follows. << Listen to what I
have to say to you. I cannot stand it any longer.
For six years I have slept on the edge of the
bed; now let us change places. I want to be
against the wall. » ~— « It’s all the same to me, »
replied the old man, and he lay down on the
edge. After some time, the woman again spoke.
« Eh, master! how hot it is in the z'glm. Just
look and see if the stove is Closed. » So saying
she placed her hand on her husband’s a..e. « Ah,
you always wear drawers! That is not allowed.
Ask Loukian or Karp if they ever wear drawers
when they sleep With their Wives. »

The husband felt the justness of this observa-
tion, so he took off his drawers, and went to
sleep with his a..e in the air. Just after first
cock-crow, the nephew slipped into the vesti—
bule, and put his ear to the door : silence reigned
in the z'gba. He opened the door gently, entered
the room, and began to feel round the bed. His
hand encountered an a..e which he took to be

 

_._243_.

that of his aunt, and which he attacked vigorously.

Theuncle, being assailed in this manner,
uttered loud cries, and laid hold of the guilty
member. << What is the matter, old man? » asked
the aunt. << Get up quickly, and light a shaving, »
said he in a loud voice. << I have caught a thief. »

The aunt jumped hurriedly out ofbed, and pre-
tending to believe that the house was on fire,
ran and fetched some water and put out What
fire there was in the stove. << Why are you potter-
ing about? >> — « There is no fire here. » ——
a Well then run quickly to the neighbour’s house
and ask for a light. » — << What? go out now?
It is dark, and wolves prowl about the village. »
'—— (< May the devil take you! I will go myself
and fetch a light! You hold the thief, and see
that he does not get away. » The uncle snatched
up a lantern, opened the door, went to his neigh—
bour’s house, woke him, told him what had
happened and asked for a light : during this
time the aunt remained in the z'glm with the
nephew. « Now, » she said, << you can do What
you like with me. >> He laid her on the bed,
and trussed her twice; after which he slipped
away quietly.

The young man having gone, the aunt began
to reflect : « What shall I say to my husband
when he reproaches me for having let the thief
escape? » Fortunately for her, a cow had calved
a little time before, and the calf was fastened to

 

 

the bed. The cunning woman seized the calI’s
tongue, and held it tightly in her hand. When
the husband returned with a light. he asked:
<< What are you holding there Wife? » —— << I am

 

holding what you put into my hand. >> — The
peasant flew into a violent rage, drew his knife,
and cut off the poor animal’s head. << Whatfare
you (1 ing? » cried his wife. (< Have you lost
your Zanses? Are you mad? » He let down his
drawers and showed his a..e. << Look how he
licked me 1 I don’t think Ishould have survived

another touch of his tongue. »

 

_245_

When the aunt next met her nephew, she said :
<< Vania, will you buy me some new shoes? ))
-- << Why not? To-morrow I shall be going to
the town, and I will buy them. » —— « Buy them,
Vania, and I will reward you. >>

But the lad was not a fool : he went into the
garden and cut a cabbage, and after he had tied
it up in a handkerchief, took it to his aunt.
<< Have you brought me the shoes, Ivanouchka? >>
— << Yes. » — << Give them to me, that I may
try them on! >> ~— « First, earn them. » He led
her into a barn, placed the handkerchief under
her head, and began to futter her. During the
operation, the cabbage Which served as a pillow,
gave forth a series of squeaks. « You may cry or
not, n she said, << but you shall soon be on my
feet. » —- << You may also eat them boiled, »
remarked the nephew.

LXXI

Curious names.

A peasant lived with his Wife. He went one day
to plough in his field, and hardly had he drawn a
furrow than he turned up a casket full of money.
The moujik was delighted : he picked up the
casket but just as he did so there appeared a soldier
who had seen the money, and said: << Look here,

 

 

_246_

peasant! That money is mine. Ifyou restore it to
me, you shall find a casket full of money in
every furrow you make. »

The peasant thought it over, and finished by
giving up his find to the soldier. Then he set to
work again ; drew a furrow, and found nothing ;
drew a second and was not more fortunate. << Evi—
dently I don’t plough deep enough, >> he thought,
and drove the share in deeper. The. horse could
hardly pull the plough, and still there was no
treasure. The moujik’s wife came to bring him his
dinner and reproached him bitterly. << What a
hard task-master you are I You have not the fear
of God before your eyes; look how you have
made the poor horse sweat! Why do you plough
so deep? >> — « Listen, wife, )> replied the pea—
sant; « as soon as I came into the field and had
drawn my first furrow, I unearthed a casket full
of money, but the devil then brought here a 501—
dier. << If you give me that money! » he said, « you
shall find as many similar caskets, as you make
furrows to-day I » I gave him the casket, and set to
work, but as I unearthed nothing, I said to my-
self. No doubt I don’t drive the share deep enough!
and I made the furrows deeper. I have worked
all the day and have found nothing. >> —— (( What
a fool you are! Fortune came in your way and
you did not know how to keep it. But which way
did the soldier go P » —- « He went in that direc-
tion. >> —— « Well, I will catch him yet! >>

 

And the peasant woman and her boy set off in
pursuit of the soldier.

After she had walked some distance, she saw
in front of her, on the road, a soldier who carried
a casket in his hands. She overtook him. « Good
day, soldier I Where are you going? » —— (t I am
on furlough, my dear. » —— (( And for what village
are you bound? » —— << To such a place. » —-
(( Well, I also am going there; let us make the
journey together. >> — « Be it so. » The woman
and the soldierjourneyed on together, and talked
as they went. << What is your name, my dear? »
— (( Ah, soldier, my son and I have names Which
must not be spoken » « Why not? There may be a
shame in stealing, perhaps; butlthere can be no
shame in telling a name. » — << Well, you see ; I am
called Naserou (1) and my son Nasral (2) »— (( Bah!
What does that matter P »

They arrived at an inn where they determined to
pass the night ; as soon as the soldier was asleep,
the peasant woman took away the casket, woke her
son, and the two returned home. When he woke
the soldier looke all round him, and not finding
the money, began to call, Naserou, Naserou I
The master of the house heard him. « Go and do
that in the privy, soldier >), he said. When the
soldier found that the woman did not reply to his

(I) Cambo.
(2) Cacavz‘.

 

 

_248_

cries, he began to call the boy; (<Nasra1,Nasra1 I! »
Thereupon the inn—keeper flew into a rage.
<< Cursed trooper! He has made a mess in the

room. » He took the soldier by the shoulders,
and turned him out of doors.

LXXH
The pope and the Tsigane.

In a certain country there lived a Tsigane,
whose father was very old. The old man fell se-
riously ill, and took to his bed. His son cared
for him at first, but afterward ceased to pay any
attention to him. If his father asked for drink or
anything else, the Tsigane pretended not to hear
him, and had but one desire — that his father
might die as quickly as possible. << Oh, my son,
my son, » said the old man, « You do not seem to
look upon me as your father, and yet it was I
who begot you. » — I.( That be damned for a
tale, » replied the son. << It was not for my sake
that you begot me, but for your own pleasure.
Return to your mother’s belly, or I will cut you
in two. » The old man sighed and was silent.

A short time after that he died. The body was
dressed and laid out on a bench, some incense
was burned in the z'gba, and all the usual prepa-
rations made, and then the Tsigane went to fetch

 

_249__

a pope. << Good day, batouchka! » << Good day,
Tsigane; what news? )) — « My father is dead;
come and bury him. » — « Is it possible that he

is dead. » « He is dead, and died peacefully. As
he lies upon the bench he looks like a Christ,
with his beard so nicely combed. Come to our
house, pray, and see how white his body is. I
believe, batouchka, that he was a saint, and
exhales an odeur of incense! » — « Well, Tsigane,
have you any money to pay for the funeral? » —
(( Why should I give you any money? For that old
carcass laid out on the bench, who is as black as
Charcoal, and shows his teeth like a mad dog? Is
it for that you expect money? Very well I don’t
come and bury him 1 I will drag him here by the
feet, and you may do what you like with him ! »
—— << Very good, very good, >> replied the pope,
a I will come at once and bury him. _»

The Tsigane returned home and the priest
came shortly afterwards. A funeral service was
performed, the body was put in a coffin, taken to
the cemetery and buried. (( Cannot you give me
a fee of some sort for having buried your father P »
said the 'pope to the Tsigane, << It will be a sin
on your partif you do not. » (< Ah, batouchka, » re-
plied the son of the dead man, << you know
yourself that the Tsiganes never have any money.
I had a few grosclzs but I expended them all on
the Requiem ; but have patience, batouchka, and
wait till the fair takes place. I shall get some

 

 

money then, and, I will pay you. » —— « Very
good, my son : I will wait. >>

The fair took place and the Tsigane went to
the town and sold his horses. The priest also
had business at the fair, and the two men met.
(( Look here, Tsigane, » began the pope; « It is
time that you paid me. >> — << Time that I paid
you? But do I owe you any money, then? )) —
<< Of course you owe me something. I buried your
father. » ——- << Ah! that is what bothered me. I
have been looking everywhere for my father,
and could not find him. Other men have fathers
to sell their horSes for them, and I haven’t. So
it was you, old goat—beard who buried my fa—
ther! >> He seized the pope by the beard, knock—
ed him down, and drawing the whip from his
girdle began to flog him. a Then it is your fault,
01d goat—beard, that my father is not now alive.
I will give youa good thrashing with my Imomf. >>
The pope had-great difficulty in escaping from
the hands of the Tsigane; he hurried away as
quickly as possible, and from thatrday ceased to
demand any money from such a debtor.

LXXIII
The good pope.

A pope hired a man—servant, took him home,
and said to him : « Now, my man, do your work

 

_251_

well, and I will never desert you. >> —- The ser—
vant had been in his place a week when mow-
ing began. « Now, my friend, »-said the pope,
« with God’s permission we will pass a pleasant
evening, and to—morrow morning we will go and
cut the hay. » — « Very good, batouchka. ))

The next morning they rose early. The pope
said to his wife :<< Give us some breakfast, ma—
touchka, we are going into the field to cut the
hay. >> The pope’s wife laid the table. The priest
and his servant sat down and breakfasted co—
piously. Then the farmer said : << We will take
the opportunity to dine now, and then we can
mow without interruption till mid—day. » — « As
you please, batouchka; be it so; let us dine. »
—— << Serve the dinner, matouchka, » the pope
said to his wife. She obeyed and they again
began to eat. << Since we are at table, » said the
pope then to the servant, « if you like, my friend,
we will now have our snack, and then we will
mow till supper—time. >> — << As you wish, ba-
touchka; so be it, let us have our snack! » —
The pope’s wife served the snack, of which the
men partook largely. « Suppose we were to sup
at the same time? » then remarked the priest.
« We will pass the night in the field, and to—mor-
row we can set to work the first thing. » —-
« Willingly, batouchka. n —- The pope’s wife
served the supper. After this repast the men rose
from table. The servant took his smock frock,

 

 

_..252_

and prepared to retire. << Where are you going7
friend? » asked the pope. -— << Where am I
going? You know yourself, batouchka, that after
supper the next thing to do is to go to bed. » He
went off to the barn, and slept till the following
morning. From that day henceforth the pope
took care never to give his servant breakfast.
dinner, snack, and supper, all at once.

LXXIV
A Wager.

A pope kept an inn 0n the high road, and
many moujiks who were returning home after
having earned some money by working abroad,
used to lodge or dine in this house. One day the
pope said to a young man : << Well, friend; have
you had plenty of work, and made plenty of
money? » — << I am taking home five hundred
roubles. » — << That is good business. Will
you wager with me those five hundred roubles
against a thousand that I will give you if you
win? >> — << What sort of bet would you have? >>
— « This is it : spend twenty—four hours in my
house; drink and eat as much as you please, but
you must not relieve yourself. If you fulfil this
condition you win your wager. On the other
hand, if you do not, I win. » -—— << So be it, ba-

 

touchka. » The bet was accepted. The pope then
put on the table all sorts of Victuals and drink.
The young man ate and drank till he could no
longer breathe. The pope shut him up in a pri-
vate room.

Before the day finished, the peasant felt the
need of relieving himself, and could hold out no
longer. What was to be done? (< Open the door,
batouchka, » he cried at last. << I have lost my bet. >>
The pope took all the young man’s money, and
sent him home completely cleaned out. This me—
thod of increasing his income greatly pleased the
priest, and be cleaned out several other moujiks by
means of the same trick. The news of this spread
thoughout the neighbouringgvillages and hamlets,
and a cunning peasant who had returned home
with less than agrosch in his purse, resolved to
pay the pope back in his own coin. He went to
the inn, and said he Wished to pass the night there.
(( Where do you come from? » —— (c I have been
working away from home, and now I am return—
ing. » << Are you bringing back plenty ofmoney? »
u About fifteen hundred roubles. >> On hearing this,
the pope almostjumped for joy. << Look here, » he
said, « We will make a bet. Eat and drink to your
heart’s content, but for twenty-four hours you are
not to relieve yourself in any way. If you fulfil
this condition, I will pay you fifteen hundred rou-
bles : ifyou fail you must pay me. Is that agreed? »
—— << So be it, batouchka. n The peasant sat down

 

 

_254__

to table and began to regale himself; the pope
no sooner set food and drink before him than
they were devoured. After he had gorged himself,
the peasant rolled on the ground and went to
sleep, and the pope locked him in the room.

In the night the moujik awoke with a violent
desire to st He tried to break open the door,
but it resisted all his efforts. But the moujik saw
the pope’s huge cap, hung on a nail, so he tookit,
more than half filled it, then put it back in its
place, and went to sleep again.

The twenty—four hours being, up the man knock—
ed at the door. <( Open, batouchka! >> The pope
opened the door, looked round, and could not
see any excrements anywhere. Then the peasant
pressed him to pay. The priest made a wry face, but
he was obliged to pay the fifteen hundred roubles.
« What is your name, cursed scoundrel? » he
asked. « I will not let you leave the house till I
know. >) — << I am called, Kakofi, batouchkal >>
replied the moujik. He took his money and de—
parted. When he was alone, the pope thought
the matter over, and deeply regretted his fifteen
hundred roubles. The idea came to him that he
would take a ride to get rid of his grief. He took
down his hat which was hung on the wall, but
when he put it on, the disgusting contents of the
chapka flowed down over his head, neck, and
shoulders. This increased his anger, and he has-
tily rushed out of ;the house into the courtyard,

 

__255_

and mounted his horse. On the high road he met
a lot of waggoners. << My children, have you seen
Kakofi (1} P » asked the pope. << As you are, ba-
touchka? You look handsome and no mistake
about it. Who made you in that mess P >) —— There-
upon the pope returned to his house.

LXXV

As I am.

In a certain country there lived a peasant Who
was a great rogue. Having stolen a hundred
roubles he fled from his Village, and after he had
walked a long distance, he presented himself at
the house of a pope, from Whom he demanded
hospitality for the night. << Enter; there is room
here for you, >> replied the pope. The peasant
entered, undressed himself, and lay down on a
bench. It occurred to him that he would like to
see how much money he had about him, so he
pulled it out of his pocket, and began to count
it. The pope saw how the peasant was occupied
(they are quick at nothing things of that sort) and
said to himself. << Why look! he is dressed in

(I) There is a pun here in the Russian original. Kakof-
in means :1 as I am, >> and it is in this sense that the
waggoners take the question.

(2) See the previous story.

 

 

——256—

rags, and yet what a lot of money he has. I
~will give him drink, and when he is drunk I will
rob him. ))

A short time afterwards the pope approached
the moujik and said : << Come,1et us sup together,
friend. >> « Thank you, batouchka, » joyfully
replied the other. They sat down to supper, and
the pope filled his guest’s glass with brandy as
often as it was empty, and gave him no rest.
These repeated libations made the peasant drunk,
and he rolled helplessly on the floor; then the
priest took his money, locked it up in a cup—
board and laid the moujik on a bench.

The next morning when the Visitor awoke, he
found his pockets had been cleared, and guessed
what had occurred, but what was he to do? If
he complained to the police, it would certainly
be asked where he had obtained the money, and
how it came to be in his possession, and he
would only get himself into trouble. The
moujik therefore went away for one month, two
months, three months. He roamed about in differ-
ent 'places, and at last he said to himself : a It
is certain that the pope must now have forgotten
me. I will disguise myself so that he shall not
recognise me, and go to his house, and make
him pay for the trick he played me the other
day. )>

He went to the priest’s house; the pope was
not at home and his wife was alone in the house.

 

(( Allow me to pass the day here, matouchka! >>
—« Be it so, enter. >> The peasant entered, and
sat on a bench. << What is your name, friend?
From whence come you? » — << I am called
Kakofi, matouchka, and I come from far; I am
on pilgrimage. >> There was a book on the
pope’s table : the moujik took it, turned over
the leaves, muttered between his teeth as though
he were reading, and then burst into tears.
<< Why do you weep, friend? >> demanded the
pope’s wife, — << Why should I not weep? It
says in the Holy Scriptures that every one shall
be punished according to his sins, and I am a
great sinner. I have committed so many bad
actions that I do not know, matouchka, how
God can overlook my faults. » -——- << Do you
know how to read and write, friend? » — « Oh,
yes, matouchka. I cannot complain in that res-
pect, thank goodness. » << And do you know the
church service? >> —~ << Do I know it? I should
think so, matouchka. I learnt it in my infancy.
I know all the services of the church. » — << Well,
friend, we have no sacristan; ours has gone to
bury his brother. Can you tO—morrow, help my
husband to celebrate the mass? >> — << Certainly,
matouchka; why not? »

The pope arrived, and his wife related all to
him. He was delighted, and set before the mou—
jik the best he had in the house. The next morn—
ing the two men went together to the church.

I7

 

 

 

___258.__

The pope began to say the mass: the peasant
stood in the choir, and remained mute as a fish.
« Why, instead of singing, do you stand there,
and say nothing? » cried the priest. << Be it so: I
will sit down, since you object to my standing
up, » replied the peasant, and he sat down.
« Why do you sit there and not sing? » ——
<( Very wellrI will lie down I » And he lay on
the floor. The pope took him by the shoulders
and turned him out of the church, but he him—
self remained to finish the service.

The peasant returned to the priest’s house.
<<‘IVVGH; is divine service finished? >> asked the
pope’s wife. — << Yes, matouchka. >> —— << But
where is my husband? >> —- a He has stayed at
the church to perform a funeral. But he sent me
to ask for his new cloak lined with cloth, and his
beaver hat; as he has a long journey to make, he
wants to be warmly clad. >> Whilst the pope’s
wife went to seek the articles required, the mou-
jik went behind the igba, took off his bonnet,
made filth in it, and placed it on a bench ; then he
took the pope’s cloak and beaver hat, and de—
camped.

The priest, the mass being finished, returned
to the house;his wife, seeing him clad in his
old cloak, asked him what he had done with the
new one. —— << What do you mean by the new
one? D —— An explanation followed, and both saw
that the peasant had deceived them. In his

 

#259..—

wrath, the pope seized the bonnet full of filth,
which was lying on the bench, put it on his
head, and ran through the Village searching for
the thief, but, on putting it on, the contents of the
bonnet ran all over his face, and he was covered
with filth. He entered hastily into an z'gbcz.
<< Have you seen Kakofi? » he asked the master
of the house. << I see how you are, batouchka!
you are Clean! >> All whom the pope questioned
made the same reply. << What fools they are, n
he said to himself, << they don’t know what they
are talking about. » He went through all the vil—
lage, but could obtain no information about the
thief. << Well I >> he thought, << that which falls
out of the cart is lost! »

He returned home, took Off his cap, and when
his wife set eyes upon him, she cried out: << Oh,
batouchka : your face is all covered with pimples. »
<< What nonsense are you talking? » replied the
pope. He passed his hand over his face and dirti—
ed his fingers most abominab1y.' So ends the

story.

LXXVI

The merchant’s wife and the clerk.

A merchant, — an old dotard, —— had mar-
ried a young wife, and he had several Clerks.

 

 

——260—

His chief clerk was named Potap; he was a
handsome youth, and made love to his master’s
wife, flirted with her, and succeeded in winning
her love. It was noticed, and the merchant was
informed of it. He said to his wife: << Look here,
my dear ; people say that you live with my clerk

 

Potap — » — a Do you think I would do such. a
thing! Don’t believe what people tell you ; believe
your own eyes! » — << They say that he has for
a long time enjoyed your favours. Could we not
prove him in some way?» —<< Very well, ») replied
his Wife << Listen to me. Dress yourself up in my
clothes ; go to him in the garden (you knOW

 

~261—

where he lodges) and say to him in a 10w voice I
I have left my husband to come to you! You
will then hear what he says, » —— << So be it, >>
replied the merchant.

The young woman, taking advantage of a
favourable opportunity, told the Clerk what he
had to do. << When my husband comes, )) she
said; << give him a sound thrashing that he will
remember for a long time. »

The merchant waited till night-fall, dressed
himself from head to feet in his wife’s clothes,
and went into the garden of the clerk’s house.
« Who is there? » asked the clerk. << It is I7 my
love! >> replied the merchant in a low voice. ——
‘<< What is the meaning of this visit? » m << I
have left my husband and come to you. )> ——
« Ah! you whore. It is said already that I make
love to you, and you want, it seems, to disgrace
me with my master! << So saying he loaded the
merchant with blows on his shoulders, back, and
sides, and, in short, gave him a thorough thrash—
ing. (< Don’t come here again, you bitch, to dis-
honour me. Nothing in the world should induce
me to stoop to such infamies I >)

The merchant escaped as best he could, return-
edin haste to his wife, and said : « No, my dear :
they may tell me as much as they like that you
live with the clerk, but I Will not believe it. He
insulted, abused, and beat me, and I had a good
deal of trouble to get away from him. )> —— « You

17.

 

 

—-262—

see! And you believe whatever is told you! »
replied his Wife; and from that day, she lived
with the clerk without any fear.

 

\
n
:
f

 

CONTENTS

Pages.
TRANSLATOR’S FOREWORD. . . . . . . . . . . . 1
I. The vixen and the hare. . . I
II. The sparrow and the mare. . ...... 4
III. The bear and the peasant woman . . . . 6
IV. ' The wolf . ............... 7
V. The peasant, the bear, the fox, and the
gad-fly. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 8
VI. The cat and the Vixen .......... 9
VII. The louse and the flea . . . . . . . . . . 11
VIII. The wood—pecker . . . . . ...... 11
IX. The vagina and the a. .e. . . . . . 1 . , 13
X. \Vash the bottom . . . . . . ‘ . . . . . 13
XI. Bad, not bad ..... . . . . . . . . . 15
XII. The fool. . . . . . . . . . . . . . I5
XIII. The pike 5 head ..... , , . 1 . . . 16 ~*
XIV. An unfortunate marriage. . . . . . . . . 20 *
XV. A timorous young girl. . . . . . . . . . 29»
XVI. The hot cock. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 34
XVII. Sayings. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
XVIII. Beggars” songs . . . . . . . . . . . . 35
XIX. Family conversations . . . . . 4 . . 35
XX. The first interview between a lover and his
lass . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 37
XXI. The moujiks and the barine . , 1 . . . . 39
XXII. The intelligent house- wife . . . . . 1 . . 41
XXIII. No! . . , . . 42*
XXIV. The husband who hatched the eggs. . . . 45

XXV. The hunter and the satyr . . . . . . . . 47

 

 

XXVI.
XXVII.
”XXVIII.
XXIX.

XXX
XXXI.
'XXXII.
XXXIII.
XXXIV.
XXXV.
XXXVI.
XXXVH.
XXXVIII
XXXIX.
XL.

- XLI.
XLH.
XL111.
XLIV.
XLV.

‘ XLVI.

~ XLVII.
XLVIU.

*‘XLTX.

L.
LI.
~ L11.
V L1H.
LIV.
LV.

LVI.
LVII.
LVHI.
LIX.
LX.
LXI.
LXH.
LXHI.

_264__

The peasant and the devil . .

The peasant who did his wife’s work .

The blind man’s wife .

The g10use. . . . .
The Bishops 5 reply .....
A crop of prickles .......
The enchanted ring. . . . .

The excitable lady ........

Dog—fashion. . . . .

The two wives .

The modest lady

The good father. . . . .
The pope who beget a calf .
The pope and the trap

T he pope, his VS ife his daughter, and h1s man

The sucking—pig. .

The spiritual father. . .
The pope and the peasant . .
The pope and his man. .

The pope’s family, and the man—servant .

The comb .
Making it warm .......

The bu1ial 0f the dog (and the goat}.

The sentence concerning the cows .
The greedy pope . . .

Laughter and tears . . .

The marvellous ointment. .

The \\ enderful whistle. . .

The shepherd

The soldier the moujik and the peasant

\\ 011131].

The soldiei who slept \xhilst his cok w orked
The soldier and the Little Russi 111 “01112111.

The soldier and the Little Ruesizm. .

The deserter . . . . 1 1
The soldier and the pope . .
The soldier‘s wedding present .

The mother-in—law and the foolish son-in—law

The talkatiVe wife .

173

I80

 

LXIV.
‘LXV .

LXVI.

LXVII .

LXVIH.

‘LXIX.

”LXX.
LXXI.
LXXII.

LXXIII.
LXXIV.

LXXV.

LXXVI .

_265_

The pope who neighed like a stallion . . .

The cunning woman. . .

The Jewess ......

Nicholas the hermit. . . . . . .
The two brothers . . . . . ......
The girl Without a head . .

VVomen’s mischief. . . .

Curious names . . . . . .

The pope and the Tsigane .

The good pope . . .

A wager. .

As] am . e . . . . e . .
The merchanfls wife and the clerk .

 

190
200
217
218
223
23,0
239
245
248
250
252
255
259

 

 

.w

 

IQVREUX, IMPRIMFRIE Dl‘l (ZIIARLHS Ill’iRISSEY

 

 

 

 

w
a
h

 

 

 

 

.
.