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LUCK

'•'•¦W A

WAND.fU.ING DANE.

BY

HANS LYKKEJ^GER.

PRICE, 25 Cento.

FOR SALE BY ALL NEWSDEALERS

I. My Father and my Mother and Myself,
II. I Bind and Unbind Myself ,
III. A Life on the Ocean Wave,
IV. To Brazil and Return, ....
V. More Trouble Afloat and Ashore,
VI. Another Tum of, and at, the Wheel,
VII. In Brazil. All Sorts of Luck, .
VIII. Cruising on Shore, 
IX. Fresh and Salt, .....
X. Sundry Shore and Sore Situations,
XI. The Luck is Mixed, ....
XII. Still on the Down Grade,
XIII. A Good Samaritan, 
XIV. I!Listfora"S6dger," ....
XV. Of Battles, Bullets, Bayonets, and Blood,
XVI. To Denmark and Back,
XVII. More Variations on the Old Tune,
XVIII. New Trials, Trials and Tribulations,
XIX. Out of the Blue and into Business,
XX. The Peculiarities and Philosophy of Peddling,
XXI. Down to the Bottom Again,
XXII. Picking up a Little, ....
XXIII. On the Frontier, 
XXIV. Frontier Fights and Fancies, .
XXV. Dreams and Realities, ....
XXVI. Trying a Turn as Teamster,
XXVII. Speculations, Struggles and Scant Success,
XXVIII. Money, Mother, and Matrimony,
XXIX. A Square Knock Down, ....
XXX. "Never Say Die, Boys,"
XXXI. On the Platform at Ogden, . . .
XXXII. Copious, Curious, Comical, Courtships, .
XXXIII. A Perplexed Policeman, ....
XXXIV. All O. K., 
XXXV. Good, 
XXXVI. Better, 
XXXVII. Best— and Last 

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LUCK

OFA

WANDERING DANE.

HANS LYKKEJJEGBR.

[Native of Denmark, Citizen of the United States.]
Soldier and Sailor, Moulder and Merchant, Tramp and Trader, Soap-boiler
and S'cribe, Peddler and Philosopher, Overseer and Understrapper,
Jack-of-all-trades and Master of Fortune.

Dedicated to

NOBODY, '

For .the Benefit of
EVERYBODY.
I
COPYRIGHTED
4 THE OFFICE OF
THE LIBRARIAN
OF CONQRESS. 1885.
i
{All rights reserved.)
PUBLISHER'S ADDRE88,
, P. O. Box 754,
PHILADELPHIA, PA.
MATLACK & HARVEY, PRINTERS, 224-23 S. FIFTH ST., PHILA.
INTRODUCTORY.

(WHICH IT WFLIi BE WELL TO BEAD, THOUGH IT MAT BE "SKIPPED.")
I write and publish this True History qf the Early Portion qf My Life,
because it pleases me so to do.
What moral the reader, finds in it, is supplied gratis, and can be applied
at pleasure. I believe that the story of every man's life, for thirty years, conveys
lessons and warnings of value to his fellow creatures.
I adopt a nom de plume; in certain cases the names of persons and
localities are changed in order to prevent identification and there all fic
tion ends.
All the adventures, mishaps, incidents and details, set down in this book
are the true, actual experiences of the single individual who narrates them.
I am sure that, after reading my story, no one will charge me with a
desire to glorify, or make myself appear a better man than I am, or to cover
up my sins.
The strange vicissitudes of my life might have crowded upon any other
man, I only tell my story and believe that it proves that "Truth is stranger
than Fiction. "
There is much herein recorded that I tell with sorrow; but I deter
mined when starting this work to tell the truth and I have adhered to that
resolution even when it laid bare my most serious offences. I have, in later
years, earnestly tried to do my duty in every particular, to make what
amends I could for former sins. I have not to look to man for forgiveness
and remission. I have attempted no elegance of style, have copied no man's literary
peculiarities in my work; that the story will prove interesting, if only from
its strange and varied incidents I am certain; of its absolute truth I am
anxious to convince by renewed assurance.
I am, very respectfully,
The Public's obedient servant,
Hans Lykkej^gek.

LUCK
OF A WANDERING DANE.

BY
HANS LYKKEL-EGER.

[Native of Denmark, Citizen of the United States.]
Soldier and Sailor, Moulder and Merchant, Tramp and Trader, Soap-boiler
and Scribe, Peddler and Philosopher, Overseer and Understrapper,
Jack of all-trades and Master of Fortune.
Dedicated to
NOBODY
For the Benefit of
EVERYBODY.

CHAPTER I.
MY FATHER AND MY MOTHER AND MYSELF.
That I was born, I am prepared to present positive prima facie proof
in about 250 lbs. avoidupois, of what I sometimes, in summer, consider
much " too solid flesh."
For the benefit of those who may, after reading these pages, desire to
make a pilgrimage to the scene of my nativity, and for the information of
future historians, I state with the utmost precision of date and detail, that
I came into this world of vanity and vexation of spirit, in the cottage of
my father, situated in the town of Knusbbl, Parish of Jaarop ; near King
river, eight miles from Kolding Castle, close by the battle ground of Queen
Margaret, in Juteland, Kingdom of Denmark ; hour, 8 A.M. ; day, Thurs
day ; date, February 4th ; year, 1841.
I hear individuals of the present time, who are inclined to slang, say,
"It is a cold day when I get left." It certainly was a very cold day
" when I got left," for the first time in the welcoming arms of my happy
mother. The howling winter winds were whistling and the snow flakes
falling thick and fast about the humble home of my parents, and the storm
had been raging for days. When my father was called upon to sally forth
for the assistance always deemed necessary, if available, upon such critical
occasions, he found the doors and windows so blocked by the snow drifts
that he was forced to make bis exit up and through the chimney, and to
struggle almost as hard for his life outside as I fought and gasped for my
own within.
I do not state these facts, or events immediately subsequent, from per
sonal observations made by myself at the time; the information is derived
from my mother, who was present throughout the entire proceedings, and
I have no reason to doubt the reliability of the record.

6

In iact, I was more a dead baby than a, live one, and for the first few
days of my existence my battle for life against adverse physical circum
stances was fully as hard as the fight for a living proved in after years. I
was a poor inanimate chunk of mortality, without voice sufficient to pipe
a greeting for the anxious mother's ears, or strength sufficient to strike out,
after the manner of most babies, with wild, red lumps of fists and feet, as
though striving to swim in and against the " sea of troubles " into which
I had been pitched ; and the religious belief of my parents causing them to
consider baptism necessary to salvation, the minister was summoned at
almost the same moment as the midwife, that my safety in the next world
might be insured providing I took a hasty departure therefor. Whether it
was the christening ceremony or some wise woman decoc,tion turned the
scale in favor of my remaining upon this planet, I cannot say, but, — I didn't
die. My father was a blacksmith, the prize son of Vulcan in that section of
his country. Nature had been in a most liberal mood, when she distribu
ted the materials for his manufacture and
his brawny' bulk was distributed over six
feet, two inches of longitude. Upon an
equally lavish scale of anatomical archi
tecture was my good mother erected, and
she, after the old fashioned manner of
wives in those days and regions, gave
willing, steady and valuable aid at the
forge and all craft work, to my smith-fa
ther. If I inherited nothing else from my
immediate progenitors, the great, robust
body whieh has withstood many rough '
buffettings, and the solid, sound head,
even though it be somewhat thick, which
has forced its way through heavy opposi
tion, are endowments which have, proved
more valuable to me than coin and land,
and for which I have learned to hold them
in grateful remembrance.
Once I had grappled a hold on exis
tence, I grew strong and lusty, and in a
few months was able to prove that my
lungs were in primest of working order
and my voice possessed of as much^power
as it had not sweetness ; and swaddled,
the big smith. in a modified form, not unlike an Indian
pappoose, as is the custom of the country, in bandages that prevented all
action of my lower limbs, I made up in vocal exercise for the constraint
placed upon my well rounded legs.
When I was two years of age my father died, and with four children
I being the youngest, to provide garments and grub for, my mother was
forced to exert her strength, mental and physical, to the utmost. She
endeavored, for a time, to continue the blacksmithing trade as before
which her expertness in the craft rendered her perfectly competent to do'
but to meet all demands at the forge and give the necessary attention to the

many wants ,of such a family of noisy, mischievous youngters, was entirely
too great a task-even for her ; she disposed of the workshop and its imple
ments and removed to her native town Nyborg.
In the place of her birth my mother started
bravely to earn a livelihood for herself and Uttle
ones by peddling fish. No light or easy work was
hers ; buying the scaly commodity from boats,
in the town, she placed them in an immense
basket which was strapped upon her back and,
I bearing her heavy burden over rough roads and .
Jong miles, through wind or storm, cold or heat, '
mud or dust, she tramped into and through the
interior country, trading the fish for produce,
ladened with which she would return to the town
and there convert her barter into cash.
This is the way my Danish mother toiled for
yotjrs truly. and supported her children; hard work never
dampened her spirit, subdued her courage, or dulled her keen woman's
wit, and in 1848, during the Danish-Prussian War, when my brave little
mother-country held its own and "conquered a
peace" with the powerful invaders, her business
aptitude developed itself and she secured a con
tract to supply food, and cook for, one thousand
soldiers, and with such wisdom and system did
she conduct her business, that after fulfilling
every obligation to the satisfaction of all con
cerned, the settlement of aecoilnts left a balance
on the right side of the books, which amounted
to a considerable fortune in that country and
raised her considerably in the social scale.
Blessed with a competence which secured her
from want, my mother, though never idle, for, as
the saying is, "there was not a lazy bone in her
body," did not return to the laborious fish and
produce packing. She speculated in a quiet way,
in goods and property, and continually increased
her store. Although she was at that time a
buxom, healthy beauty of a woman, I feel sure,
speaking from the light gained by my mature
experience, that every additional hundred dollars
added in her bank book, heightened her attrac
tions and decreased the humber of her years in
the estimation of mankind; at all events the
wealthy widow had plenty of suitors for her
hand (and what would be in it). That blind
little villain, Paddy Cupid, prosecutes , his
archery practice in Denmark with the same disregard of fitness and com
mon sense which marks his indiscriminate shooting' and hitting all the
world over ; he managed to get astride of my good* big mother's handsome
nose and blinded the eyes of her understanding w}th his soft wings, until
she Anally accepted, for better or worse, one of his recruits as successor to

mother.

8

my father. As is too often the case, her choice proved decidedly "for the
worse;" a good-looking, dashing fellow of a spendthrift took possession
of the widow, family and fortune. It required, but twelve months' time
for him to squander the hard earnings that three years of weary toil had
accumulated; then he left us and after a time my mother procured a
divorce, though every now and again he would make his appearance, poor
and penitent, destitute and dolorous, and make his pea^e until he had re
filled and refitted, when he would again take himself off until necessity
obliged him to repeat the performance. This continued for seven years,
when he died from the effects of dissipation. %
The year 1850 found my mother sadly impoverished from the cause
mentioned; with characteristic energy she applied herself to the task of re
building her fortune ; but the scene of her past prosperity had become
distasteful to her and. she removed to near Gram, in Schlesvie, where, in a
roadside inn, to which was attached a few acres of ground, she devoted
herself to the cultivation of business and crops with her usual vigor and
moderate success. ' '
At this place I was entered at and supposed to attend the country school.
I was nearly ten years of age and such a solid "chunk of a boy," that
Stumpy, Shorty, Fatty, and like impertinent references to -my personal
appearance and peculiarities, were the names by which I was commonly
saluted, much to my disgust. My attendance at school and my habits of
study were decidedly irregular, and though I contrived in some way to pick
up the rudiments of knowledge : the three R's, " 'readin', 'ritin ' and 'rith-
metic," yet the actual manner of such acquisition is a mystery which I
cannot even at this time explain.
Ah attempt to educate me while at Nyborg had most signally failed,
for at that place the institutions of learning were still in use as military
hospitals; soldiers and men-of- wars-men were as yet numerous about the

school hours.

9
fortifications and in the harbor, and days and hours, when I should have
been gathering wisdom at the school desk, I passed among the wearers of
uniforms and blue jackets who varied the monotony of their life by making
of me a pet, errand boy, foot ball and shuttle cock. One of my favorite
amusements was to slide down or be dragged down the glassy slope of the
fort, a performance productive of such disastrous results to the rear section
of my breeches that my mother, tired of the incessant patching with cloth,
re-seated, or half-soled, the seat of my garment with leather, and thus fur
nished material for an additional offensive nick-name to my persecutors.
Dealing in potations and digging potatoes soon proved too monotonous
for one of such active temperament as my mother, so she disposed of her
business and property, moving once more, this time to Apenrade, a town
celebrated for ship building, where she opened a small hotel, accommodating
citizens with board, lodgings and refreshments.
CHAPTER II.
I bind and unbind myself.
" Why don't you put him to work ? " said one.
"He ought to be learning a trade 1 " said twenty.
" Make that big, lazy cub earn his bread I " said a hundred.
" That boy Will be ruined if he don't get a master ! " said everybody.
Such was the burden of the song that was sounded in my mother's .
ears, day and night, by all the innumerable choir of friends, acquaintances
and gossips that, jn Apenrade, as in all other places, were very willing to
attend to the business, and arrange all matters for everybody but them
selves. I had almost reached the age of fourteen years, and was certainly big
enough, old enough, and ugly enough, to begin to scratch gravel and hunt
worms for myself. I was not lazy or unwilling to work, but I was slow
and could not at once conclude what trade, business or profession I would
honor by devoting to it my abilities and life. I was, maybe, like the man
who said that he " must have a great deal of mind, it took him so long to
make it up." /
However, my mother's and my own opinion at length began to run on
a line with the oft and gratis expressed advice of outside friends and busy-
bodies, and after due consideration, I notified and liorrified my mother by
announcing my desire and intention to be a doctor, and requested her to
furnish me the necessary funds and opportunity for study.
" A doctor I " cried she, with hands uplifted at my presumption, a
pretty doctor you would make ! And where do you suppose the money is
to come from to pay for making you a doctor ? "
" I supposed you had it, and would give it to me," answered I.
" You did did you ? " she replied ; " when you do, for a wonder, get
an idea into that thick skull of yours, why don't you try to get a sensible
one tlicrc ? "
" WeU, I want to be a doctor, anyhow," I persisted ; " if you can't
give me the money, that's the end of it." .
"Suppose I could and would give you the money, how am I to give
vou the brains, you donner-head I Do you think I have a supply of brains
tn the drawer, or the bank, or put away in a stocking to hand out to you

10
like bits of money ? No, no, my lad, you'll be no doctor with my con
sent or making. I don't want it on my conscience, or to have you hung
for poisoning any fool of a patient that would take medicine of your order
ing. No" doctor for you, sir, choose a trade."
Finally, understanding that I must abandon all hope of learning the
medical profession, I was, by my own choice, apprenticed to learn mould
ing in an iron foundry. Why I selected that particular trade I cannot
tell, unless it were from some vague mental connection between burying
the patterns as a moulder, and doing the same for patients as a doctor ; but
go to the iron foundry I did though I had no decided inclination for that
or any other craft work. Nature never intended me for mechanical pro
duction. I can fully appreciate, understand, apply andmanage machinery,
but to build it or any portion of it, I am unfit.
I did not apply myself very diligently to mastering the mysteries of the
moulddr's art, and even had I been disposed and eager to learn, the oppor
tunity was not afforded me in the place to which I was apprenticed. I was
at the foundry all day, no eight or ten hour law there or then, and attended
school at night, but my "business" hours were employed with malt instead
of mould, intoxicants in place of iron.
Boy's boy was I, a beer-burdened beast, a brandy-wein jug-jerking
jackass. At beck and call, whistle, nod, or gentle hint (such as a tool or
other missile" thrown at myihead), of every other employee of the works, I
had to seize the empty beer or rum mug, can, jug or bottle, and rush to
the tavern to have them filled, returning and deUvering them to some of
my multitude of masters only to start off again on the same errand for
others. My excursions back and forth were many, repeated and continuous;,
my efforts to please, I own, were not incited either by love of the work or
those who imposed it upon me, and I did not always, or even occasionally,
afford entire satisfaction to my task masters; but my pay was prompt, very;
and plenty, exceeding and over-plenteous; though it was in a coin I neither
coveted or demanded, in fact would willingly dispensed with; it was the
remuneration generally given a young bear, "more kicks than half -pence,"
curses and hard names being thrown in with reckless extravagance.
"Stupid ! "—"Fool ! "—"Lazy Brute ! "—and pet names of like char
acter were showered upon me with a liberaUty only exceeded by the
bestowal of the kicks, cuffs and blows which were rained down with
unstudied impartiality, which could be reached by the foot, fist or missUe
of the petty tyrants whose unhappy slave I was.
Forty men were al^piys employed at this foundry and the hands were
constantly changing, and for two years I was compelled to be the recipient
of aU the malicious and cruel persecutions which hundreds of brutalized
natures could invent or leam one from the other, and to suffer all the
tortures that drunken barbarity could inflict upon a defenceless object.
Two years I remained at this place and during that entire time I did
not see, a single employee in the foundry who was not addicted to over
indulgence in intoxicating liquors. The pay of a journeyman moulder,
then and there, was about seventy-five cents per day; at piece work he
could earn a dollar in the same time; boarding was but $1.25 per week.and
other necessaries in proportion. Beer could be purchased for what was
equivalent to two cents of American money, a quart ; I would mention

11

however, in order to prevent a possible migration of an army of beer lovers
to Denmark, on account of the low figure above quoted, that prices have

LEARNING MY TRADE.
raised since the time of which I write, and through Bismarkian taxation
that seductive beverage averages there in cost as much as it does in the
land of the Star Spangled* Banner.
Moulding in a foundry, in those days of Denmark, was considered the .
best paid mechanic's work in the kingdom, yet, through intemperance and
improvidence, suqIi was the poverty of .these moulders, whose wages,
wisely used, would have enabled them to live in comfort ; that among the
unmarried men it was common to make one decent coat serve three or four
— one of the party, arrayed in the presentable garment, being the only rep
resentative of the lot who could appear at the Club meeting or in public on
Sunday, the other partners having to keep in close quarters and shirt
sleeves or their old rags until their turn arrived to use the good coat.
For the first twelve months of my apprenticeship, I was paid at the
rate of fourteen cents a day, out of which sum I was obliged, to furnish
my Own food and clothing; my income was certainly not calculated to
lead me ipto riotous living, but trifling as was the amount I have seen

, 12
many days, after my arrival at man's estate, when I would gladly have
toiled hard aU*day for even that sum. My wages were increased to twenty
cents per day for the second year, and would have been advanced at the
rate of ten cents per diem for each of my remaining years of apprentice
ship until at the end of my five years' servitude, I would have been receiving
three dollars per week.
But two years of misery, constant abuse and heart-sickness, caused by
the besotted condition of those by whom I was every and all day sur
rounded, so disgusted me with the life I was leading that I resolved to cut
loose from it and all its belongings. In my heart and head, even though
the one was considered as particularly sluggish and the other as being
unusually thick, J had, born within me, or unknowingly acquired,
thoughts and feelings which caused me to shrink from my then contact,
and though I had been called " stupid fool " and considered as such, until
I almost concluded I was one, I determined that I would not sink to the
brutal level of those about me. I felt an ambition stirring within me tp
prove that the wisdom of the fool was better than the foUy of those who
considered themselves as wise men, and I mustered all of that quality
which in me, then, was caUed obstinacy, pig-headedness and other choice
names of contempt, the same characteristics which, ina youth more fortu
nately situated, or of higher social standing, would be dignified as firmness,
courage, etc. , I gathered together aU of this that was in my nature, and
proceeded to interview and astonish my master. ,
When I approached the proprietor of the foundry, and quietly but
decidedly asked that I might see my articles of apprenticeship, the man's
face would have answered as a picture of ' Balaam's when that ancient indi
vidual's donkey addressed words of wisdom to him.
" Wha 1 wha 1 wha-t I " he spluttered, "what's that you say ? "
I repeated my request.
" Want to see your contract I Would Uke to look over your articles I
You fool ! You ass ! You double-doubled dunder head ! What do you
mean ? "
"I want to see,'' said I, " if in my articles of apprenticeship there was
put anything that made me to be a slave to aU the drunken workmen in
your foundry, and to take all the kicks and blows they saw fit to give me ;
that's what I mean."
"Oh! that's it, is it ; only that., Well, I'U soon show you," roared
the old head tyrant, and with the curses, coming thick and feist, he kept
time with his fists upon my unlucky head and body, continuing his lively
illustration of what it was my duty to be, to do, and to suffer, untU my
anger and indignation got the better of discipline and subordination and I
determined that the game should not be aU on one side.
He was a great, powerful man, but I was a good sized, stout boy, and
had not received so many hard knocks without learning how to give back
some of the same in return ; so at last I struck out boldly in my own be
half, and fought with a desperate determination which, added to his sur
prise at my resistance, rendered it no easy matter for him to handle me
and there was the liveliest kind of a fight, in which the victory of course
was on the side of the strongest, but when we were separated, and that
only through the intervention of his big wife, who clawed my face and

13

gathered handfuls of my hair ; he had plenty of bruises to rub, and pains
to groan over, as weU as myself.

EXPLAINING MY INDENTURES.
There was a terrible tempest in the family tea-pot when I went, bat
tered and tattered, home to my mother and reported that I neither could or
would remain longer at the foundry and submit to such treatment as I had
for two years endured. Here was rebellion indeed ; the traditions of the
land, laws of the country, society and family were all outraged by this •
"donner headed fool "who had impudence to insist that being kicked,
cuffed and cursed, with the continual carrying of rum and beer for human
brutes, would not learn him the trade of moulding, and could not be con
sidered as part and portion of a regular apprenticeship.
My mother, good, sensible woman though she was, had the old fash
ioned ideas regarding* as obligatory the perfect submission in mind and
body, of the servant to the master. To spare the blow, she thought, was
to spoU the boy, and she could understand no other system. Consolation
for the curses showered upon me by the irate master she gave me in a tor
rent of Danish "jawing," and though I am certain that she had, never

14
heard di the homoepathic theory that "like cures like," her remedy for the
bruises under which I was smarting, was a liberal application of a stout,
strong broom-stick, with which she whacked me until she was tired, and
1 was worse sore than ever and I roared for quarter.
" You've broke my back ! " I howled, as I rubbed and squirmed.
"You've broke my heart ! " gasped she, gathering her breath and un
decided whether to give me another doke of the broom handle, or to have
a good cry for her own relief.
" I've been father and mother to you ; I've toiled and slaved to bring
you up," she cried, and her words were true ; "and you've disgraced your
self and me, and all your family, and you're trying to ruin yourself and
kill me." I protested that I had no intention of doing either.
"You will go back to your master and beg his pardon, and ask him
not to put you in jail as he could and ought to, and beg him to take you
back and promise to obey him in aU things. That's what you will do at
once." " I won't I" said I.
" You will I " said she, and grabbed again for the broomstick.
" I won't ! " said I, taking care at the same time to keep out of reach
of the weapon.
" I won't ! " I yeUed, as I shot out of the door.
' And I did'nt go back.
Every time I ventured near my mother, for days after my retirement
from trade, I received her positive orders to report and submit to my old
master, but I stuck to my determination not to do so, and again the
tongues of the old gossips wagged in prophecies of my final and ignomin
ious fate. I not only was "a fool, a natural born fool," they said, but I was
also an abandoned ruffian of the most desperate character, who had
assaulted and nearly killed my master and his wife, two perfect creatures,
in amiability and generosity akin to angels. That I would certainly be
hung, provided I didn't starve to death through laziness, before the time
came for lolling me with a rope, every one of these old croakers was fully
convinced. At last my mother realized that under no compulsion would I return
to the foundry, and began. to consult me as to my future movements. I
informed her that I had made up my mind to go to sea, and then there was
another scene of reproaches, objections and refusals on her part, and
stormy, stolid obstinacy on mine. Constant droppings, however, wear
away a stone, and my continual reiteration that I would go to sea finally
broke down her determination never to consent to such a step, and she-
unwillingly gave me her permission to try the life of a sailor.
To get to the sea required that I should find a captain willing to
receive me on board his ship, and though that town then turned out more
sailor boys than any other port in Denmark, my big, clumsy body and well-
known reputation as a stupid, stubborn, unmanageable cub, did not cause
the skippers of the harbor to show, extra anxiety to secure my valuable
services and my efforts to obtain a place on any kind of a craft were<
unavailing, though I hunted and applied most industriously.
Nothing daunted by the ill-success of my applications to the unappre-
ciative captains of my home port, I concluded that what could not be done

15
there might be effected elsewhere, so-with my mother's tears, kisses and
blessing, I started off to find a ship and fortune. My available cash con
sisted of two Danish dollars, my ward
robe was bundled in a pocket-handker-
. chief, and was Ught as my heart the
morning I bid "good-bye" to my sole
parent and started off for Copenhagen.
My mother had given me her con
sent and nothing else, this was through
no unkindness on her part. She thought
that if I had not the means for an ex
tended stay in a strange city, and did
not succeed in finding a place on a vessel,
J" I would quickly return to my home and
2£ be satisfied to remain there, but in order
v«" to insure my comfort, she privately fur-
'. nished the captain with whom I took
_ ,-jssage, a considerable sum of money to
jy be supplied me, if necessary, to keep me
J« from want ; aU this, however, I did not
-^ know at the time.
"" Half of my cash, one dollar,. I paid
~= for my passage upon a sloop bound for
Copenhagen, and on August 27th, 1857,
I turned my back upon my home to fight
the battle of life in the big world, . for
off to sea. myself.
CHAPTER III. '
A LIFE ON THE OCEAN WAVE.
I was fully aware that the dollar remaining of my cash capital would
not long support me in Copenhagen and idleness. Health, strength and
willingness to work I possessed, and grappling the first that offered, I for
days after my arrival, earned my bread by the sweat of my brow, as a
laborer on the wharves of the city, trying continually in every spare
moment to obtain a place on a vessel.
I had too much pride or mulishness, to write to my mother, telling her
of my ill-success and asking for money to keep me there or enable me to
return home. Had I known of the provision she had, in her kind thought-
fulness, made for me, I might have applied to the captain of the sloop for
the money she had placed in his hands and have made use of it, but as I
was in ignorance of her action, I stuck to the heavy labor I had secured
and grinned and bore it. Go back home, I determined I would not.
The fact that I had never been to sea, my clumsy, overgrown appear
ance, and the absence of a pass or permit from the authorities of my home.
town, without which no one in Denmark can enter into any legitimate
business or avocation elsewhere, all combined to prevent me from securing
the employment I desired, and it was ten days or more before I received
the precious and necessary document from Apenrade. With this official
guarantee that I was npt a criminal or runaway, and license to work, I

16
started once more, with renewed hope and vigor, in search of a chance
" to plough, the roaring main."
How to reef, haul and steer I knew as Uttle of, as I did of tight rope
dancing or Greek, but I was not particular regarding the rank in which I
entered the marine service, and when at last I found the skipper of a Hol
land schooner, " Albertino," who was not prejudiced against me by my
unpromising exterior, and who offered me twelve Danish doUars (equal to
six of the same named American coin) a month, to go as cook upon his
vessel, I jumped lit the situation, and considered myself a made man.
I was ignorant of cooking as of navigation, and was honest enough to
confess the same to the captain, but that worthy man, not having the fear
of a terrible death by dyspepsia, or poison before his eyes, consoled m© by
informing me that with patience and perseverance and instruction, incul
cated through the medium of freely given and frequent ' ' lickings, ' ' I should
soon graduate a most accompUshed and scientific chef d,cuisine.
Though my experience of meat and potatoes was confined entirely to
devouring them when, properly prepared, they were placed before me, and
all I knew about coffee was to gulp it down from a cup, yet I tackled the
mysteries of the cook's galley with a hearty good wUl ; the patience and
perseverance were stock in my nature and the " lickings " had been such
a large element in my past life and labor that I considered them a most
necessary and inevitable accompaniment of any subordinate position, so
the promised liberality in that particular was no very disturbing influence
in my mind, as my back, indeed, my whole body had become almost in-;
sensible to any commonly powerful blows. FamUiarity in this, as in other
matters, was productive of contempt. *•
It was on a Sunday morning when I first assumed my new dignity and
officiated as high priest bf the cook's galley. I was told to put the pot on
the fire preparatory to making soup ; I so did. I ventured, likewise to fill
the pot with water, and after it commenced to boil I felt that I was mak
ing headway rapidly. That the meat and vegetables furnished me were,
somehow, to be put in the pot and finally resolved into soup for the stom
achs of the hungry saUors, I was also aware, but the manner of such in
troduction and combination was an unsolved problem in my mind. But I
boldly plunged the fruits of the earth into the pot and they boiled, and
boiled, and boiled, until about 11 o'clock, when, thinking I had better not
trust too much to luck, I reported progress to the captain.
" The vegetables are in the pot, sir, and have been boiling hard for
about two hours. Can I now put in the meat ? "
The captain could speak no Danish, but as I was able to jabber a little
of the low German, or Holland Dutch, and to understand it fairly, I was
able tb communicate with him.
His reply to this my first official communication and application for in
struction, he delegated to the mate, and that worthy proceeded at once to
initiate me into the secrets of soup manufacture through the medium of a
rope end, with which he forcibly and strikingly illustrated the accom
panying lecture, until I was rescued by the kindly interposition of the cap
tain's wife, who good natured+y took upon herself my work for that day
while I served as pupil and dishwasher, much to the satisfaction of myself
and the crew, an eatable diniBer being enjoyed in consequence, which it

17

would most certainly not have been had its preparation depended upon
my efforts. The next day was "Bean-day," and when the materials were fur
nished me, my instructress gave me careful directions as to their cooking,
the captain and mate supplementing her lesson by informing me that if
any or all of the beans were burned, all the calcined were to be eaten by
me, and that it would be their duty, which they'd certainly not neglect, to
see that I did so devour them. I regret to record that, not only upon the
occasion of which I write, but upon many subsequent, I was forced to feed
upon burnt beans to an extent far beyond my appetite and my natural re
ceptive capacity, and in consequence of such enforced surfeit in that par
ticular article of diet, I utterly loath the sight, smell and taste of beans to
this day. That Heaven had provided their food, and that their cook had
been sent from an exactly opposite locality, was the frequent and publicly
expressed opinion of all the honest mariners upon the Albertmo for many a
day after I had entered upon my duties as ship's cook.
We saUed in baUast from Copenhagen for Hermngsand,. Sweden, to
load with lumber. On entering the Baltic Sea, I first experienced the
¦agonies of that terrible malady, sea-sickness; under its depressing influ
ence, if I was worthless as a cook before, I was worth nothing as anything
after it had once taken a grip upon me. , I was a useless cumberer of the
deck, and to get rid, so far as possible, of my body and bulk, they dumped
me down into the hold amongst the baUast, to. aU of which I was totally
indifferent, my only feeling being fear I might have to live some hours
more in agony. It seemed to me that I "thro wed up " each and every
portion of my internal economy, and I would have cheerfully "throned
up " my prized position as ship's cook, and walked ashore, had such a pro
ceeding been possible.
After "affliction sore long time I bore," by advice of some of the
crew, I adopted the regular nautical
remedy, simple but effective, which con
sisted of a piece of fat pork attached to
the end of a stout cord ; the greasy mor
sel is swaUowed, and then hauled up
through the channel it descended to the
surface. Three or four operations of this
i forcastle stomach-pump polished off any
1 crumbs remaining in my well evacuated
interior, and after about twenty-four
hours of solitary misery upon the baUast,
I was aUowed to transport, as best I
could, all that was left of me to my bunk ;
once there, appetite quickly asserted its
demands, recovery quickly followed, and
I never again suffered from sea-sickness.
This course of treatment is not, so far as
I know, laid down in any regular medi
cal work, or prescribed by the faculty,
jack's prescription. but I can bear witness to its prompt and

18
thorough results and bestow the receipJ upon mankind gratuitously.
Preparing or spoiling food was not the only duty or occupation of my
life. On board the vessel was the captain and two mates, three seamen,
the captain's wife and myself ; as I- shall refer to some of these again, I take
the trouble to give the census. When not busy in the cook's galley, I
found plenty of other employment ; it was my duty to keep clean the cap
tain's cabin, and the forecastle wliere the sailors bunked, and the table
service of the crew devolved entirely upon me. As the "ship's boy" I
had also, in fine weather, to attend to and "make" gallant and jib sails, the
only light canvas we carried ; our vessel being brigantine rigged. If 1
l failed to " shin up " the ratlines with that celerity which my anxious pre
ceptor, the mate, seemed to think it was necessary for me to exhibit in jus
tice to his careful training, my movements were hastened by the
quickening caresses of that ever handy rope's end,and with it he soon spurred
my ambition and bodily movements into agile expertness.
One bright remembrance I have of those early days, was the constant
kindness shown me by. the captain's wife, and her influence exerted, in my
behalf, saved me many interviews with the rope's end, which through ig
norance or mischief I fully deserved. She was as good and bold a sailor as
ever trod a ship's deck, and a skilful navigator, having spent her life in a
Galliot on the North Sea. In stormy weather she would dress in the oiled
overhauls and other "duds'' of the sailor, as is common among the Hol
land women who follow the sea, and would go aloft to furl or reef sail with
any man on board ; there was not a detaU of the ship's working that she
was not able to perforin or superintend. She was a good woman.

CHAPTER IV.
TO brazil AND RETURN. v
In the six weeks occupied by our trip to Sweden, I learned the ropes,
to handle the sheets, to take my turn at the wheel, and to prepare the food
sufficiently well to suit the not over fastidious appetites of the sailors, and
I considered my apprenticeship ended in that profession.
On our return to Copenhagen, I was agreeably surprised to find that
my mother was so far reconciled to my new venture in Ufe as to send me a
trunk containing an abundant outfit of clothing, boots, shoes and all neces
sary articles for comfort. I had written her from Sweden, and I found
this very acceptable evidence of her affection awaiting my arrival.
Dressed out in my new clothes, I waited upon my captain and notified
him that I now intended to abandon the pots and pans of the cook's galley,
to rate myself as A 1, able seaman, to quit his vessel and service and to
ship as full sailor with another skipper. The honest king of the quarter
deck once more brought the ponderous guns of his philosophy to bear upon
tile light earthworks of my resolution. He shifted his cud, closed one eye,
looked me all over, opened his mouth, and spoke these words of wisdom.
"Look here, lad, don't you go and be a fool all the time, grip on to a
little common sense once in awhile. You've learned to 'tend sheets, to
cook grub as well as eat it, to steer, and to take such lickin's as is good
for your health and necessary for your education. Well, then, now you're
calculating to desert your ship and me, as luis been a father to you, and to
go into another ship, where you will have to learn the ways of new men,

19
and get acquainted with a fresh rope's end as you ain't used to, and a
mate's fist as you don't know the knockin' down power of, and a lot of
Other misfortunes too numerous to mention."
" Dojn't you be a fool, doil't for just this once ; I'm bound for Marvin,
Brazil, this voyage; content yourself with friends as is like brothers to you
and come with me to Brazil, where there's all the good things of earth to
be had for the pickin, and beauties of yaller gals by the hundred. Don't
you go and be a fool now, and chuck away a chance for to sail in company
with all the blessin's you've been so lucky as to tumble against, dont you
doit." His argumentative artiUery was too much for me, and I signed articles
to remain with him.
There were but few incidents worthy of record during our voyage to
South America, but of those few there is one L will never forget ; it was
in, connection with a game of " hide and seek," in which the crew indulged
when near " The Line."
One of the crew was a Norwegian who had gained my friendship and
confidence by many little acts which showed unusual consideration for my
greenness, and I trusted him implicitly. This man pretended to make a
bet with the rest of the crew, that he could hide me where they would
never find me. At his direction I ensconsed myself in an empty barrel
which he covered over with heavy canvas, and on the top of this he placed
many articles of heavy weight. I was crowded down in these close
quarters, nearly suffocated but still chuckling gleefully over our success,
as I heard them running.about, making pretence of looking forme, when —
dash ! splash ! souse ! — half a hogshead of sea water came pouring into my
nest and I came scrambling out, with byes, nostrils and mouth filled with
the briny, element, spluttering like a drowned rat.
Never doubting my friend when he sympathized with me and pro
posed another trial, I consented. He then instructed me to throw a rope
over the bow of the vessel, first making it fast inside, and then to clamber
down and hang at the end of the line until our shipmates acknowledged
that they could not find me. The preparations were speedily mad^, and in
a few moments I was dangling a few feet above the wave$ exulting over
the success of our scheme, when the rope was, suddenly cast loose from
above, and I found myself struggling in the ocean, while the row of grin
ning faces over the ship's side showed that I had been "sold again." I was
soon drawn up on deck, and through policy, joined in the laugh raised at
my expense. I resolved, however, that the practical jokes should not all be played
upon one victim, and I studiously watched for opportunity to repay my
tormentors in kind. By telling tales to a Dane about what two Norwe
gians said of him, and then reversing the order to the others, I soon stirred
up an intense antagonism between the parties, which resulted in a terrific
triangular fight in which all were well mauled. But when the battle was
over, and explanations ensued, my part in the disturbance or agency in
. originating it was made manifest, and all three turned upon me and
administered such a forcible lecture upon tale bearing and lying, that its
impression made my bones ache for a week after.
The result of my first attempt to obta'in what I considered would be
satisfaction for the tricks played upon me, only made me thirst more

20
greedily for further revenge and I contrived to get even, in my opinion,
with one of the Norway men by working upon his superstitious fears. He
was a firm beUever in ghosts and stood in deadly horror of them. Obtain
ing a sheet from the captain's bed, I secreted myself behmd some of the
deck lumber during his night watch, and in the gloom and silence of the
quiet, dim hours, I arose before him, enveloped in spectral white, and as

NORWAY'S GHOST.
with'a long stick I extended the sheet far above my head, I gave vent to
the most dismal, unearthly .groans I could utter. The fright of the man
was terrible, his demoralization, complete, and he aroused the ship's crew
with the violence of his shrieks. WhUe the others were quieting him and
listening to his explanations, I slipped away, returned the sheet, crept into
my bunk and was to all appearances in deep slumber on the return of the
crew, who cursed me for a sleepy-head who could not be wakened bv
Gabriel's trumpet unless he hit me over the " knob " with it
My inclination and ability to sleep on all proper and improper occa-

21

sions, and my indulgence in extra naps was a source of constant annoyance
to my shipmates and myself; as I had to cook early and late in each day,
lend a hand at the ropes and sails whenever required, and stand my regular
watch at night, I could not catch up with my broken rest, so I would
" drop off " at all times and in aU places about the ship, to be rudely
awakened by a can of coffee slops dashed into my face, or a drenching
bath from buckets- of sea water flung over me. The dose was always
active in producing immediate results, but a lasting cure could never be
effected. Of course I was forced to undergo the regular initiation inflicted upon
aU greenhorns on their first crossing the Equatorial Line. Old Father
Neptune made his visit to our ship as usual, with due ceremonies and obser
vances. The representative of the ocean deity came on deck from over the
side, armed with a trident, his head crowned and covered with long locks
of white fiax. Seated in due state upon the throne prepared for him and
surrounded by his attendants,
he commanded that I should
be brought before him to
render the homage due from
a novice. I was so brought.
His majesty, after a short
catechism regarding myname,
t nationality and sundry imper
tinent and personal questions,
proceeded to have me put
' 'through a course of sprouts' '
of the most extended -and
severe nature. I was thrown
over the side of the vessel
and baptized by being dragged
through the sea by a rope,
then I was hauled, hand over
hand, allbreathlessand water
logged, up and on board>
where I was lathered over
face and head, in eyes, mouth
and nostrils, with filthy tar,
after which my face was
shaved (scraped raw) with a
section of an old iron hoop serv
ing for a razor, aprocess which
only served to force still fur
ther into my skin, and there
fix beyond power of soap and
water to remove, the vUe
compound with which I had
been plastered. It took the
work of days, the hardest of
scrubbihgs and the renewal
of several coatings of my
baptized by neptune. skin before I was able to

22
entirely eradicate the ill-scented evidences of Father Nep's attentions.
I can hardly believe it now that, I was so "jolly green " hi those days,
that I then and for weeks after fully believed in the reality of the old Sea
King. His appearance on and disappearance from the deck were so man
aged that I could see nothing of the means thereof, and all preparations
for the masquerade had been carefully hidden from me.
Our voyage toBrazU lasted eleven weeks, and just before arriving at
Marvin we were boarded by a pilot who was ji black man ; he was the first
negro I had ever seen, and as great a curiosity and subject of astonishment
to me as had been the ocean monarch under whose treatment I still smarted.
Throughout the return trip my blunders or ill luck continued, and even
increased, and my life was a series of misfortunes, accidents and continual
misery. On one occasion I was called from the cook's galley to serve in
my other capacity as sailor, and sent to fix something at the top-gallant
tree ; the work required more time than I had anticipated, and a pot of
beans, intended for dinner of the crew that day, which I had not removed
from the fire, by neglect or want of power to attend to, I found rendered
utterly uneatable. I discovered this disastrous state of affairs pn my return
to the galley from aloft, and before anyone else had detected it. I at once
overhauled my inventive faculties for some way in which to shift the blame
and inevitable punishment from my own to other shoulders. Now we had
a very lively pig on board who lived in a pen on the deck, though now and
then he would find his way out of confinement and enjoy a Uttle run before
re-capture. PuzzUng my wits how to save my own bacon, I happened to think of
piggy, and I resolved in an instant to upset the pot, spill the contents, turn
the pig out of the pen, and into the beans, and then blame the poor porker
with the whole transaction.
My brilliant conception I at once carried into execution, the pot was
overturned, the beans scattered over the deck, the scape-goat turned loose
and into the mess, and the whole play seemed a complete success.
But my unlucky star was shining brightly over my head and exposed
my iU-deeds, for the old captain,. through a little spy hole in his cabin, had
witnessed the entire transaction. He said nothing, however, until I had
gone to him and reported, with well feigned horror, the terrible deeds of
the pig, and when I had delivered my sad and well prepared story, I was
confronted with the truth, emphatically informed that my word was unre
liable, plainer terms being used; and given also to understand was I that
my mind and back could be prepared for the reception of twenty-five
lashes, well laid on. The skipper remarked that he knew he had the ri<**ht.
pig by the ear that time.
It was in vain I prayed to be forgiven and spared the lashes ; the cap
tain said he was wuhng to forgive me, but he also insisted upon giving me
the lashes. He was sure I needed them as a moral corrective and
they would do me good ; I offered to do without them or bestow them
upon any one else, but the fatherly instincts of my commander and his
religious sense of duty would not permit him tb recall his orders and
the twenty-five lashes were laid on— well laid on— by the unsparing*
hand of the robust mate, and then with sore heart and back
I was required to prepare another dinner for all hands excepting myself'
I was forced to share the mess I had made with the pig and make my in'

2'!

terior the stowage place of a hftgh lot of burnt beans and dirt, the feast
winding up with the promise of a dainty dessert of twenty-live more
lashes, even more heartily laid on, by the refreshed second officer, than the
original quarter hundred.
Accustomed though I was to having my digestion aided by muscular
tonics, the first serving up was rather too rich for my stomach, and the
pam and excitement caused me to be in a terribly nervous condition. After
the crew had done then: dinner, as I was washing out the pot in which it
had been cooked, and before I had received the last portion of my reward
of demerit, I was summoned to prepare my back for its delivery. At that
moment I was holding the unlucky pot over the side emptying out of it the
rinsings'. The call to the foot of the mast so agitated me, that, in a frenzy
of terror the iron vessel slipped from my hands, and in a second had dis
appeared beneath the waves. Utter despair took possession of my entire
being, and I cast myself
into the ocean after it, deter
mined to end a life that
seemed a never ceasing round
of misery. The cold contact of the
water quickly changed my
desire to escape trouble by
that means, and .on coming to
the surface I gladly availed
myself of the bouyant assis-
. tance of an empty chicken
i coop the captain threw over
as a life preserver, and after
that eagerly clutched a rope
and allowed myself to be
picked up by the jolly boat
and conveyed on deck, where
the healthy circulation of my
blood was restored and in
sured by the immediate appli
cation of the lashes promised,
with a few extra to make
sure of the count ; there was
nothing mean about my cap
tain or his mate in serving
out such luxuries; and I was
then told that if I still felt
any inclination for cold wa
ter, as a cure for my bruises
and sorrows I had official per
mission to jump overboard at
once, but that no more
chicken coops would be
wasted on me.
hydropathic cure for sorrows. I didn't jump.

24

CHAPTER V.
MORE TROUBLE AFLOAT AND ASHORE.
My unfortunate experiences on board this ship were by no means
ended, though the return voyage was drawing to a close when the trouble
narrated in the foregoing chapter occurred.
One day I was employed with others in hammering rust off the anchor
chains, when one of the party said to me:
" Cook, go to the mate, wiU you, and ask him for a pair of goggles to
keep these rust chips out of my eyes."
I felt miserable and wanted friends and sympathy, and so was inclined
to be obliging, but as I started on the errand, my Norwegian friend noti
fied me that this was another saUor's catch, and that I should certainly
catch the rope's end if I went to the mate with the request. This new
attempt to make me get more thrashing made me savage, and as we would
be in port in about two weeks' time, and as I was heartily tired of the never
ending blows the second officer dealt out to me, I at once determined to
take that opportunity to pay him a portion of what I considered I owed
him. Accordingly I secreted a stout, hard piece of rope in my shirt bosom
and then went boldly up and requested a pair of goggles.
" Goggles! goggles ! you lubber, I'll goggle you !" and then I found
that my shipmates had not misinformed me of the reception awaiting my
application. The rope's end of the mate at once commenced to play upon
my body with its usual briskness, but the surprise of the tyrant was far
greater than that intended for me when he found that I had the twin- to
his weapon, and was using it upon his head and hide in a way that showed
an earnest intention, even if it lacked the brilliant and artistic execution of
his more practised hand.

A QUESTION OF EYE GOGGLES.

25
Mr. Mate did not take kindly to his own medicine, and the ropes were
soon dropped in order to bring fists into play, and a pugiUstic encounter,
not scientific, but very energetic, raged.fast and furious until I finaUy suc
ceeded in getting my antagonist down-upon the deck, and I was " pohsh-
ing him off " in a way that seemed likely to settle all outstanding debts
between us and pay him something in advance, when I was pulled off by
the captain and crew.
Of course this violent argument did not tend to make my position or
life any more pleasant during the remainder of my time on that vessel, but
it convinced the bullies that I could and had made up my mind that I
would take my own part, and gained for me that respect which is accorded
to every man who shows that he is willing to fight for his rights and defend
himsef from abuse; my back received far fewer visitations from its intimate,
but not valued, acquaintance after that turn up.
At last we arrived in London, England, where the cargo we brought
from BrazU was to be delivered, and I was a happy man, ' or boy, when I
received my discharge papers and pay.

FIRED OUT.

26
I found myself in that great metropolis, my own master and the proud
possessor of a fortune of ten pounds sterling, a sum which seemed to me
inexhaustable wealth, an opmion that was unpleasantly dissipated after a
short acquaintance with and experience of the land sharks who feed on
poor Jack.
Considering it my duty to see aU that was to be seen, I started out in
search of information, adventure and entertainment, first, however, paying
out half of1 my cash for a dandy sailor rig that was worth just about one-
eighth of the sum it cost me.
After roaming and gaping about the city aU day, I fell in with, as was
my usual luck, one of the most tender hearted, disinterested, and benevo
lent of individuals, who earned his honest living by combining the advoca
tions of landlord and shipping master, and with this good Samaritan I en
gaged board and lodgings for two shillings a day. The interest this amia
ble philanthropist took in my welfare was intense, overpowering ; he was
unwilling to leave me out of his sight, that I should ship in a vessel where1
my wonderful ability would be properly appreciated and rewarded he in
sisted was to be his particular care, consequently he objected to every cap
tain I spoke of going with, and continued his more than fatherly super
vision and advice until I had not a penny of my wages left, and was in
debted to him for a week's board.
Then he " fired me out " into the street.
The change in sentiment and action of my late friend left me in a most
unenviable predicament ; penniless, homeless, a stranger in a strange land,

A'PEALINU Kill; (JltlUi,

27
wiJhout employment or food, and unable to ask so as to be understood for
either. Iff was in vaiii 1 wandered, day after day, about the docks and
made application on ship after ship; no captain wanted me, no Englishman
would hue me.
Now and then' 1 would, by signs, strike up a casual acquaintance with
a good-natured, lazy, or boozy cook on some of the ships I boarded, and
then I would be given a chance to fill up with a square meal in return for
peeling potatoes or doing scullion's work about the gaUey. Most davs I
starved. '
My lodgings were large and any, requiring no door key, being the
streets or arches under the railway piers or brewery vaults. My dandy rig-
was rapidly becoming as well ventilated as my places of repose. With
empty stomach and pockets I tramped day and night through that immense
city, searching for some way in which to earn a crust, and finding it not.
Though to save my life I would not deliberately plan and execute a
robbery, yet on one occasion, in the recklessness of mad despair I partici
pated in a transaction that cannot be called honest or even be excused
under the plea of dire necessity.
With several other sailors, aU equaUy " hard up " or " low down " as
myself, I was wandering disconsolately through the London streets, all
more than half starved; I know that for three days I had not eaten but a
few crusts of dry bread. The attention of three famished, destitute men
was arrested by the delicious smeU of cooking food arising from a basement
refreshment establishment, which advertised its viands by displaying upon
shelves On the outer side 'of the door, several rows of pies.
How our empty stomachs did yearn towards those pies, as they stood
in tempting array, seeming to call " come and eat me," to the passer-by.
Hunger silenced aU moral sense ; some of those pies we resolved to become
possessors of, and a conspiracy was at once formed to secure the coveted
food. *

NO PA(l)NES SPARED IN DOING A Pl(E)OUS DEED

28

An arrangement was soon made; as usual aU risk and injury was
paroled out as my share of the details, and in f oolish good nature promptly
accepted by me as a perfectly natural result of any division of labor. The
plan of operations, that I was to be shoved violently down the steps and
against the door, as though assaulted by unknown men, wbne my com
panions grabbed and made off with as many pies as possible, was immedi-
atelycarried into effect.
The assaulting party so realistically executed their share of the drama
that, instead of bemg thrown against the bottom of the door, I was shot
directly through the glass that formed the upper half, causing confusion
enough throughout the shop for them to complete their part of the pro
gramme and covering me with cuts and contusions in a manner that I
considered totally unnecessary and over sufficient for the proper enactment
of my role.
I lay half stunned and bleeding on the floor of the shop until an officer
arrived, when I was jerked to my feet and carried off to a police station,
but there being no evidence whereon to found and sustain a charge against
me, I had my wounds dressed and bandaged and was then discharged.
Hastening to the rendezvous appointed before the action, I received at
the hands of my companions in iniquity a hearty welcome, thanks, con
gratulations, praise and two big pies. This is a sad confession, but the
pies were so good and I was so hungry.

I RECEIVE MY REWARD.

29

CHAPTER VI.
ANOTHER TURN OF, AND AT, THE WHEEL.
For another month or more I continued to lead the life, or existence,
of a vagabond tramp in London, but at last I succeeded in shipping, as or
dinary seaman, on board of a Hamburg brig, bound for Pernambuco,
Brazil. My pecuUar and most undesirable luck by no means deserted me in
this venture ; the rest of the crew were all Germans and the strong antipa
thy then existing between these people and those of my nation, made my
term of service in that craft resemble anything but a love feast, and kicks,
blows, and polygot profanity was the order and exercise of the day until
we arrived in port.
I liad been doing my duty as cabin-boy, the only friend I had made on
board was the mulatto cook, and we two, a hopeless and powerless minority,
made up our minds to escape the continual unpleasantness by discharging
ourselves, or taking " French leave " from the vessel.
Watching opportunity, we managed to bring round to the bow of the
ship, and there secure one evening a small boat, and that night, during the
cook's bow-watch, we dropped over the side, cast off our boat and puUed

PAYING TOLL.
for the shore, reaching the landing only to fall into the hands of a party
of BraziUan soldiers; not incorruptible patriots, however, were these
dusky warriors, and though the story of our woes, told in what of
their language we could command, failed to melt their hearts and secure

30
our liberty, yet a handful of copper coins, placed in their " itching palms,"
resulted in .permission to go on our way rejoicing.
Just where we were to go, or how we were to get there, we had neither
considered or discussed, but into the interior of the comitry, for safety
from recapture, we knew we must strike ; so, first finding the raUway
station, we started by following the track, and then plodded on for many'
weary miles, passing over many water courses. The yeUow cook could
speak English and a little Portuguese, but our fear of arrest made us very
cautious and, deciding that the track of public travel was dangerous to our
Uberty we again sought the sea shore and followed this irregular path un
til we arrived at a little settlement, about' twenty miles from our starting
point. . *•
Our reception here was by no means flattering, and we were hot over
whelmed with welcomes. The
¦r inhabitants of the place were all
fishermen, and their costume, or
rather the want of it. was ad
mirably adapted to a "header "
into deep water at a moment's
notice. There was one individ
ual in the lot of natives, who
had a leather shoe string from
which dangled two sea-shells,
tied about bis neck, but public
estimation ^evidently set him
down as a dandified overdressed
exquisite, for he had no imitators
among his fellow citizens.
These people were equipped
• i .a1njovebdeessed.nat-cve. with some old muskets and aU car
ried wicked looking spearspr lances of home manufacture. They seemed to at
ZCv af^r eM our Ration, and without wasting time in explanations,
aM theb faS,U11Wd aM mar°hed ? t0 a C01Ta1' Suarded ^ six ™"
ravifirpwt™^ ,H^e wj\w'ef Put under surveilliance as prisoners.
tionf ? Mp Z 1 f1 umlt aM kept, upa11 niSht> "«i as I had rather sensa-
mdeedeSe^l K^nflflf aM ^ haMtS' * concMed ««* "ad
inaeea escaped fiom the frying pan " to meet a more dismal fate
But morning came and found us both unbarbecued and shortlv after
s^M^srss^'^ s*H is?
stand, or comprehend anything that was said to ml l ™lt ^ „ , £ i
but! managed to let them know of my nattonalitv^r ™T *• ? bad way,
flag pictured on a chart, and I was then take tpfn, /t^ "tmg t0 't ?-amsh
that power, to whom I related my story. M°le the ^P^entative of
Little good did it do me to meet this o-pntip.,,™ <*,.„.„ t> , ,
railed at me in no measured language. »entle"lfm f-om Denmark ; he
" You have no right to claim protection," said he- "von iPavp „
country and your flag without permission, to Wtei and ser^e on a fo/eS

vessel, and from this also you desert. I can and will do nothing for you
except to send you back to the ship you run away from. ' '

COLD COMFORT — HOT TALK.
" I wiU not go I " said I.
" Yes, you wUl go ! " he answered.
"I'll die before I'U go back to that ship," I replied, all the stubborn
ness in my nature now fully aroused.
"Suit yourself about that," said the official, "but dead or alive, I'll
send you back to that vessel. "
And then I was put between guards and wanted off to the citadel or
military prison, and for the first time in my life found myseU behind the
bars. But the quarters were far more to my liking, than being confined in
the hold of the ship from which I had escaped, and such would have been
my fate had I consented to return. In the citadel I had nothing to do, and
was furnished two excellent meals each day, so I was comparatively con
tented. But I was not destined to long enjoy my pic-nic, only too soon I was
again taken before the Consul, heard his commands repeated, returned
thereto my former reply and was again dismissed with the information that
I would " have to go back. "
And back to the ship I did go ; four strong sailors seized and tied me,
tumbled me into, a boat and took me to the side of the vessel. I was un
bound and tola to mount the ladder and go on board. I refused to move
hand or foot in such direction, and finding that coaxings and curses were
equally unavailing, a rope was put about my body and I was hoisted like, a

32

kicking mule and thrown on the deck I had vowed never again to touch;
Little mercy and prompt punishment was the rule upon which womea

I RETURN TO MY SHIP.
the power to which I had been surrendered, and it seemed that I, who had
declared that I would die before I would go back; was to be given ample
opportunity to do that same after my enforced arrival.
With violent blows and curses I was driven into the saU room and
there left in soUtude, to end my life, it appeared, by starvation and thirst.
For seven days I was kept in this solitary confinement without a morsel of
food or a drop of Water. Had it not been that I discovered a barrel of
vinegar stored away in the room, I should certainly never have survived ;
by soaking up with a piece of canvas the fluid that escaped from a leak in
the cask, and then sucking the moist rag, I obtained sufficient nourish-

33
ment to keep me alive, and such was aU I had to sustain me during an
entire week. '

v**r

LIGHT DIET. DARK QUARTERS.
Though I became fearfully emati^ted, and had hardly strength to
speak or move, yet my spirit of resistance continued powerful as when in
Stealth and at liberty, and I still returned defiant refusals whenever the cap-
ain proposed that I return to duty and acknowledge his authority. At
last, enraged though he was at my obstinacy, he became alarmed at my
rapidly sinking condition, and, not from any humane considerations, but
solely through fear of consequences to himself, he summoned a doctor who
rated him soundly for his brutality and ordered my immediate removal
from the sail room to more comfortable quarters and proper attention.
So far gone was I with starvation, that at first it was necessary to use
great caution in feeding me, and three spoonsful of chicken broth, given
every.fifteen minutes, was the allowance upon which I was rationed for a
time. But a naturaUy robust constitution and Ught heart, soon braced me
up to stand more substantial diet ; appetite and strength returned, and in
ten days I was almost as welland strong as ever, and with renewed health
came fresh controversy, the captain continuaUy urging or buUying me to
go to work consentingly, and I as constantly refusing.
At last, knowing a si did, that I was amenable to law for ref using to do
duty, and seeing no way to obtain release or escape from the ship, I made
a bargain with the captain, that if he would promise that all past quarrels
sHculd be considered as settled, and no prosecution ever brought against
me for desertion, I would agree to do my part as one of the crew ; and the
contract was agreed upon; with the mental reservation on my side, that I
would quit the ship again the moment I had a chance without danger of
certain recapture. . , ,
Holding steadily to my determination, I once more took my place and
worked hard in helping to load an invoice of sugar, with which we sailed
to Parnahiba to take in the balance of our cargo. But the irrepressible
conflict between the captain and myself soon again broke out with fresh

34
violence. He first asked and then ordered me to cook ; as I hadshipped as
an ordinary seaman, and had no incUnation to accommodate him in any
way, I positively refused to comply with his request or to obey his
command. "I'll make you do it ! " said he, with oaths and threats.
"You can't ! " said I, with dogged obstinacy.
And as the skipper had always found that forcing me to do anything
cost much more than the Service was worth, he swallowed the affront and
his dignity, took the back track and a boat, went on shore, brought off a
cook and left me enjoy my victory and proper place as a sailor.
With others of the crew I had to go each day in a boat about a mile
up the shore from wliere tlie ship lay to obtain a supply of fresh waterT
These trips seemed to me to offer a favorable opportunity for escape and I
prepared to attempt it. Each trip we made I would take something with
me, and in a few days I had secreted in the brush near the place where we
obtained water, an extra shirt, an oU skin coat and as many ship's biscuits
as I could lay hands on and carry off without exciting suspicion.
Though I was constantly looking out for a chance to slip off, there
was, none offered until the day that our ship >vas to weigh anchor and sail.
I knew that the captahi was suspicious of my intentions, and had ordered
all the crew to keep close watch over me, but, just before sailing, two Eng
lishmen, deserters from their own vessels, had been added to our force,
and as my leaving would not make the ship short-handed and relieve him
of a constant antagonist, I thought the captain was less anxious tb keep
me, and. would thank any action or accident that would take me off.
At all events, on the day of departure, just as we were ready to make
sail, I told the captain that I had left my oil skin coat near the watering
place and asked permission to be set ashore and go after it.
" Go quickly and hurry back," was his answer.
This was the last order he ever gave me. I went quickly and I
hurried, but in the opposite direction from the ship and its detested master
was my lme of inarch, and it would have taken a swift man to catch and a
strong one to force me to return from the slavery from which I was
escaping. My hidden treasures I found all safe, and gathering them together,
with a light heart and free heels, I struck out into unknown regions.
For days I steadily tramped on my solitary journey ; sometimes I
would meet a native and try to communicate with him, but as I could only
point to the southwest and say "Pernambuco," and the native could only
point in the same directioh and re-echo the word, the interchange was
neither entertaining or instructive, though the manner of their pantomime
and utterance of the word seemed to me to indicate that my destination
was a long way off. W
Many, weary and dreary were the miles I plodded over, with only the
sun and stars to guide me on my way, through heavy mud and stifling
dust, beat upon by heavy rain or roasted by a burning sun, and half
crazed through hunger and thirst. One day I reached, I do not know
when or how, the borders of a vast forest, and blindly I plunged into its
depths, following the- almost indistinguishable bridle path or narrow horse
road that alone formed anything of a highway; my only companions were
the reptiles of all descriptions that continually appeared before me*

35

parrots, monkeys and birds of every plumage were there in countless mul
titudes. Once my way was obstructed by an immense snake ; it was, I

A SIDE SHOW FREE.
think, fully thirty feet long, and to my eyes, then, it seemed ten times that
extent. I am not positive of its size, as I did not stop to interview or
measure it. I was in a hurry to get on. I got.
I had little or no idea how or when I would " fetch up." I knew that
i if I kept on the Uttle trails leading in a southwesterly direction, and did
not die on the way, I would eventually reach Pernambuco; so I marched
on, not very steadily or strongly now, forcing -my way through jungles of
rank vegetation, fording slimy, sluggish bayous, and broad, swift, breast-
high rivers ; my feet swollen to twice their natural size, and cut and blis
tered in a hundred places, had made it impossible to wear and useless for
me to carry my shoes, and I had thrown them away long since ; my stock
of food was reduced to three biscuits, not sufficient to sustain Ufe for hah0
the time I had yet to travel to reach port, so far as I could calculate. That
was the fix 1 had put myself into, but still I was satisfied with my action
in leaving that ship, and felt, even under such very adverse circumstances,
that I was glad I had done.it, and if ever I was similarly situated,\ " I'd
do it again 1 "
, On, and on, and on I hobbled, and just when my last crumbs of food
were exhausted and hope almost gone, I staggered into a little native set-

tlement. Such was my miserable condition that it excited the pity of an
old Indian, who, with his squaw, proved good to be good Christians in deed
if not in creed ; they found me a wanderer in a strange^ land, sick, poor,
and sore wounded. They took me in, anointed my torn and bruised feet
with oU, fed me with farina and crabs, gave me care, rest and shelter, and
so patched up and strengthened me that in three days I persisted in re
suming my journey.
The right road and direct course to Pernambuco having been pointed
out to me by my good Indians, I foUowed the example of the soul of old
John Brown, and kept "marching along," refreshed in body and spirits by
my late rest. After a few days' travel I came, in a lucky hour, upon a
caravan of merchants, with slaves, parrots, monkeys, saffron and other
products of the land, making for the same harbor as myseU.
By sign language or pantomine, I gave these people to understand that
I was a shipwrecked sailor who .had been cast ashore many miles up the
coast, and they appeared to be perfectly satisfied with my explanation. I
noticed that when they prayed, as they did frequently, they repeatedly
made the sign of the cross, so I was careful to often appear as though en
gaged in my devotions and. to imitate their symbolic movements, and this
soon attracted, as meant it should, their attention and they jumped at the
conclusion that I was a faithful son of Mother Church, to whom it was
their duty to render all aid and comfort; fortunate it was that they could
not catechize me.
I was equally ready to be considered as Catholic, heretic, Turk or
Pagan, and to adopt all outward signs of any religion if by so doing I
could only get to my destination more quickly and easily. These kind
people gave me food, put me on a horse, and cared for my still tender feet,
until we arrived at the outskirts of Pernambuco, and there we parted,
they bestowing upon me their blessings and a Brazilian doUar, wherewith
I started the world afresh.

CHAPTER VII.
IN BRAZIL. ALL SORTS OF iLUCK.
The events recorded in the last chapter occurred in the Summer of
1858, and it was then* I first entered the town of Pernambuco as my own
master. A few hours after my arrival, as I was sauntering in rather a listless
way about the place, who should I run. afoul of but that same Danish
Consul who had refused to aid me, and through whose orders I had been
returned to the hateful ship. He seemed even more astonished than myself
at the meeting.
"What, you here ! " he exclaimed, in tones not expressive of delight.
"Yes, I'm all here," I replied, coolly.
" I'll have you arrestt/d again," said he, with anger
" I don't care if you do," answered I, " you can't put me on that ship
anyhow, she's far enough away from here now."
He turned and walked off, muttering to himself, and I never was
troubled by him again.
There was no vessel in that port on which I could ship, and so I lookpd
about for other work. The English inhabitants of the town were building

37
a gas works, and there I easUy obtained employment as a laborer at three
millreis ($1.50) per day. I toiled faithfully for about two months, drawmg
of my wages only sufficient for the most frugal Uving, and leaving the
balance for accumulation in the hands of the foreman ; but when, after
that length of time, I asked him for my savings, he flatly denied that he
held a penny of my money or owed me anything, and settled the matter by
discharging me on the spot as. an impudent, dishonest swindler.
I could get no redress by law. My luck, as usual.
My blunders brought me into other troubles while at the Port, though
the results were not so serious as the loss of my money.
I had reason to be very grateful to persons of the CathoUc faith, who
had proven themselves truly CathoUc in their humanity and generosity to
me ; and under no circumstances would I ever knowingly insult or outrage
the religious sentiments of any person, be their creed what it might; so it
was through ignorance, want of quick perception and general greenness
that I got into two scrapes in Pernambuco.
. A day or two after reaching the place, I was standing idly on the road
side, when there passed along one of those church processions so common

IGNORANT IRREVERENCE.

38
in that land ; priests and boys, banners and drums, etc., etc. In this case
there was one priest who carried a crown of thorns covered with flowers,
it bemg the symbol of that particular festival, and the people all reverently
uncovered their heads, kissed the crown when presented to them, and
gave in their contributions of small coin.
When this sacred emblem was presented to me, I did not exactly un
derstand what exact course the etiquette of the occasion demanded, but
anxious to follow, so far as possible, the motions I noticed, I removed my
hat, inclined my head, and took a good smell of the flowers, and, as I
raised my head and carelessly tossed over a smaU coin, which I could illy
spare, I suppose I must, by " sniff " of nose, general manner, or some ex
pression ol face, have expressed my unspoken opmion that the smell was
not worth the price, for, without in the least intending it, I had, by igno
rant irreverence, excited the anger of processionists, and spectators alike.
Whew ! what a storm I had raised, my little coin was flung violently
back into my face, my countenance was drenched with expectorations of
the bystanders, and with a hearty good will did the holy father curse me
and aU my ancestors back to Adam, for heretics and devils, while the en
tire flock ire-echoed, endorsed and amplified the anathematism.
That was my first lesson in church discipline, but not my last, for soon
after I met another procession, in which a priest was bourne in a chair ;
banners were flying, surpliced boys chanting-, rockets firing, censors of
burning incense swinging, horns sounding, and drums beating ; aU hands
in their finest holiday array. Evidently it was some, very grand occasion,
and I, anxious to take in aU the free show possible, Was gaping, open eyes
, and mouth, at everything so intently, that I did not notice that every man
about me stoocj. with uncovered and bowed, head, while I, hat on and erect,
was the conspicuous exception. But my prominence was not of honorable
distinction, 'or long continued. 1 did not take my hat off, it was knocked
off ; I did not prostrate myself, I was knocked down, and then I was
kicked up ; everybody that could reach any portion of my anatomy with
their feet, applied their boots thereto with most religious zeal which, with

CHURCH DISCIPLINE.
the curses again showered upon my'head, quickly convinced me that I had
once more offended agamst the laws of society and church.
It was a grand puzzle for my heavy brain; the first time I had been re-

39
vUed and thumped for following, so far as I could, the example set me ;
au l*re WaS knoc,£ed about, kicked and cursed because I did nothing at
aU* From that time I ceased to have the least mterest in such processions
a a observed or fancied I saw any signs of one withm a mUeof me, I
made a quick march in the opposite direction.
Robbed of my money, and employment being hard to obtain, I was
#*^~N r forced to pass some days in idleness, and one
morning, as I was sauntering about, I noticed
that I had become a subject of close inspection
to a man who foUowed me for some time. My
curiosity was excited, and I soon gave him an op
portunity to address me.
" Young mon," said he, and his tongue did
not belie the unmistakable story of his features ;
"Young mon, maybe it moigt be thot its wourk
yer lookin' fur."
"Yes," I replied, so well as Iwas able, " I
want work."
"WiU, I'm runnin' ov a plantashun, 'bout
f oour irfoile back in the onterior, an' I'm Wantin'
a stout chunk ov a lad to tind tiU mathers gin-
nerally, an' kape the nagurs tiU ther wourk. Ye
seems till be a Ukely chap, an' I wouldn't moind
thryin' ye, ef ye feels till catch hould."
" Any port in a storm," thought I, so I soon
FROTvrTmi'"<WTFTiTOR " m™aged to come to a understanding with the
FROM the onterior. Hibemiall gentleman, spite of the struggles
between the two lingos, and in a few hours' time I found myself on his
place in the "onterior," duly installed as "chief cook and bottle-washer,
captain of the niggers," to quote the words of the old song.
There were seven slaves placed under my charge, and besides over
seeing these, I had various other duties to perform. The most important
Of my work was in preparing a kind of sugar cake which my master sold
in very considerable quantities. For a time all went well, I worked hard
and gave full satisfaction to my employer until bad luck again grappled
me and I caught, or was caught by, the yellow fever.
For two weeks I lay sick, nigh unto death, in stupor and delirium. All
the care and medical attendance I received was from the proprietor, who,
three times a day would force a pill down my throat ; it was a pellet of
Yankee manufacture; I regret that I cannot recall the name, and give it a
gratis advertisement; but through its agency or the intervention of that
Providence which guards babies, fools and drunken men, I contrived to
get the better of Yellow Jack, and regained strength to potter about and
look after the slaves, but unable to do any other work.
There was one of the gang, a big, lazy fellow by the name of Emanuel,
whom I used to stimulate to quick finishing of his regular and prescribed
stint of day's work by permitting him to go afterwards at easy jobs. One
day he had completed his task in the field about half an hour before night
and I had allowed him to leave the gang. Before all stopped, along came
," Whar's thon lazy nagur, 'Manu'l ? " he inquired.

40

"His day's work is done, and I let him quit," I answered.
" An' phat are the loiks of ye, thaot's tiU jidge whin his wourk's done

"captain of the. niggers."
an' whin till quit. Sure an' I'll hev no shurkin wid ye ner th' nagurs,
th' wourk ov none ov yez so iver done whoile ther's th' loigt o'day till do't
in. Ye'll be plain' none ov yer bourd-ship saUoor thricks ontil me, ye
Dutch loafer ye 1 "
The Irishman had been drinking and felt "ugly ; " he had come out
to find fault and worked himself into a passion in a moment. This injus
tice and abuse aroused my anger, and I returned a rather warm answer to
his tirade ; one hot word led to another, and at last he made an attempt to
strike me. I had learned to return such arguments in the same style, and
a healthy scrimmage was organized in a moment, in which, though much
reduced in strength^ I would certainly have come off first best, had : not the
servile blacks answered the call of their master and joined forces with him
against me, who had ever been their best friend, and with such reinforce
ments he managed to give me a sound thrashing.
It was the old story — injustice, a fight, a beating and loss of employ
ment ; but he paid, me my wages, what little there was due me, and the
next morning sun beamed down upon me wandering once more about the
highways and byways of Pernambuco, a point to which I seemed naturally
to gravitate. Willing and anxious to work, I jumped eagerly at the first offer and
engaged as " greaser and wiper " of machinery on an old trading vessel, the
Passanunga, in which vermin infested tub I visited all the way ports
along that coast as far as the Amazon river, meeting with no adventures
worthy of record, " greasing and wiping " for my bread, without butter

41

until January, 1859, when my services bemg no longer required, I was
once more adrift and idle in Pernambuco.
Just as my Uttle store of money was running ovlt, and I had begun to
despair of finding work, there
arrived in port the Delaware
river steamer Mary Comet,
temporarily in the service of the
United States, and attached to
the Paraguyan Expedition. The
vessel was, fortunately for me,
short-handed, and on application
I was shipped amofig her crew as
an ordinary seaman ; my first
enUstment under the Stars and
Stripes. We sailed to Rio Janeiro to
coal, and then to St. Catharines,
from thence to Monte Video, and
at that place I was detafied as
interpreter for the officers when,
they went on shore, I having
contrived to pick up enough of
the language during my residence
in the country, to make myself
understood. My propensity for bringing
trouble upon myself soon made
it warm for me in the Mary
Comet. I had been regularly
placed among the crew of the
shbre boat, and considered that I
under the STARS AND stripes, was exempt from certain work
on the ship, so one day when the bo'swain's mate ordered me to sweep the
deck, I bluntly, answered, "I won't do it." •
This terrible offence and incipient mutiny was at once reported to the
commander, Lieutenant Walsh, and I was duly hauled up before that high
authority. " Did you refuse to sweep the deck when so ordered ? " he asked.
" Yes, I did ; it was no work of mine," I replied.
That is the full report of the proceedings of my trial ; the sentencing
of the prisoner occupied about sixty seconds more.
" My man you have violently outraged the rules and regulations,
discipline and good order of the United States Navy by refusing to obey the
orders of your superior officer. Double irons, bread and water and con
finement in the hold will probably make you willing to do your duty.
Mast'r Arms, take him* down."
Double ironed I was, confined in the stifling hold also, and on bread
and water not an over-allowance either, was I rationed. The confinement
aud starvation troubled me little, a lashing I would have considered as
quite a matter of course but the disgrace of being handcuffed like a felon,

42
nearly broke my heart, and the misery welled up from my breast and found
outlet through the ports of my eyes ; I blubbered like a baby and begged
hard for forgiveness and release. But the sentence was carried out in fuU
and all the consolation offered me was the jeering of
my shipmates and sarcastic inquiries as to how I liked
Uncle Sam's jewelry.
My bracelets were, in due time, unlocked, and I
returned to duty a much wiser saUor. I never hank
ered after another attachment of Uke character, but
the country of the Star Spangled Banner contrived to
fasten my freedom-loving nature to it, and it has ever
since remained the land of my devotion, adoption and
citizenship, and will be thus held by me while I live.
Here many of us spent our shore leave and money
in hiring riding houses and trying to stick on them,
much to the amusement of the lookers on, our own
danger of serious damage, and the misery of the
u. s. jewelry animals.
Horses are not high at Monte Video. The hire was $1- per half day.
We were told that if we killed the horses it would be all square provided
we brought back the saddles. The riders were hardly long enough on the
" upper deck " at any one time to do much damage to the brutes.
After remaining about two weeks at Monte Video with others, I was
transferred to a smaU tender named the William H. Chapin, and in it
•we. saUed for Philadelphia, Pennsylvama, arriving there about the first of
May, 1859, and from deck I stepped for the first time upon the soil of the
Great Republic of the earth. Almost immediately our vessel was ordered
tp Washington, where the crew was paid off and discharged, I receiving as
balance due me the sum of twenty-eight dollars.
CHAPTER VIII.
cruising on shore.
As became me, being now a free man in a free country, I put on my
considering cap and reckoned up the best way in which I should proceed to
make my fortune.
The path of the sea, which I had been following, did not seem to lead
to wealth of great magnitude or very exalted station and I concl uded that
I would try the overland route to riches and honor. I purchased a suit of
" shore togs " and made my way by rad from Washington to Philadelphia,
and started out through that city in search of employment.
The two years of service or apprenticeship at the foundry in my na
tive land had of course taught me something of the trade and I possessed
sufficient knowledge to enable me to perform some of the rougher work.
I obtained a place at North's foundry, Second and Mifflin streets, and was
set at making covers for the old-fashioned cast-iron Dutch ovens ; bit the
other journeymen soon discovered that I had never served my full time of
apprenticeship and they combined to throw me out. By tricks, well known
to the trade, my work was constantly spoiled, and at length they
notified the foreman, and he informed me, that I could only re
main there by entering as an apprentice or doing common laboring
work. I accepted the latter alternative, but breaking up old iron

43

wheeling heavy pigs ^ metal, and loading rusty "scrap," was I by no
means to my liking, and after a
week's trial, I resigned.
Through application made at an
intelligence office, I next obtained a
place as Jack-of -all-work, at a sum
mer boarding house, about fifteen
, iniles in the interior of New Jersey ;
wages, six dollars per month, and I
remained there just long enough to
earn that amount ; then the idea of
(going West "to grow up with the
.Jfc; country," that had found its way
"""* into my head, sometime before, took
i dont like it. such strong hold upon me that I was
unable to stay in content where I was.
Back to PhUadelphia I went, and at Dock street depot I purchased an
emigrant's ticket f of" Cleveland, Ohio, and reached that place safe and sound
with my plans for the future as indefinite as ever. My ideas as to the geog
raphy of this country were decidedly mixed and foggy, and so, when I
noticed in the dock at Cleveland, a steamer on which I speUed out the
word ''Buffalo,"' I reasoned that she must naturally and necessarily
come from and go to the place where those animals made their home; that
their haunts were in the wild far West I knew, and great was my delight
when I found that not Only could I go on her, wherever she was bound,
and steam was up ; but I was also told that I could go free of payment pro
vided I shovelled coal during the trip. I seized the opportunity and the
shovel with avidity.
Judge of my disgust when I found after starting, that the Buffalo
belonged in ahd was bound for the city of that name, in the State of New
York, and when I arrived there I was about as far from the bison and the
prairies as when in New Jersey.
But stiU intent upon reaching the land of the setting sun, I continued
my efforts in that direction, a,nd
succeeded in shipping as seaman
on the schooner C. Baker,
bound for Port Huron, on Lake
Erie. In this craft I had a
good time and pleasant asso
ciates ; the food Was first-class
and plenty of it; there was a
woman cook on board, and the
men were treated like men.
Had it not been for the demon
of unrest which urged me on, I
should have remained pn the
Baker, but I had.,saidto my
self, " Go West, young man, go
West!" I so went.
Leaving the schooner st
pretty well fixed. Port Huron with good spirits

44

and -two doUars in pocket, I struck out "on the tramp," and m that
manner of progression I reached Sandusky, Ohio, and after trying and
f aiUng to find work or better means of transportation, with heavy heart
and feet, with pockets completely lightened of
cash I footed it onward towards Toledo.
By this time I had become in look entirely,
and in feeling somewhat, a genuine "tramp,"
a professional, and at that age the vagabond in
my disposition seemed to reach its full develop
ment. I certainly did not disUke my occupa
tion, or rather my life without one. When I
was hungry I would keep a sharp look out for a
farm that gave evidences of very careful atten
tion, as though full handed, at its house I would
apply for work, and as they had no work for me
to do, they could not and never did refuse me
food ; in this manner I obtained what rations I
required without being directly a beggar.
My education in my last profession soon
advanced sufficiently to suggest improved means
of locojnotion, and I proceeded to try "jump
ing " the freight trains. By crawling into a car
and secreting myself among a load of lumber, I
managed to be carried to Chicago, where, with
intent to pursue the same tactics, I hid in a
EN tramp for Toledo, tram just starting and kept out of sight untU
the car, in which I was, had been detached and left at the station to which
it was consigned ; then I crept out and found that I had been taken on the
back track East as far Indianapolis, Indiana. Disheartened but not dismayed, I
fj again turned my face to the West and
I started to recover the retraced miles.
flFor a time I " jumped the trains;"
| when I was detected by the conductors
I or brakesmen, I would be put off and
i|have to wait until the next train
((passed. I generally rode some consider-
|able distance before discovery, and so
jjsaved many hours of foot travel while
Jenjoying a boost on the car bumper.
(But transportation was not every con
sideration; there were very few houses
^directly on the line of the rails and the
'cars would not "stop for refresh-,
ments " for my benefit. It was a case
r<of legs or stomach— one of these had to
^suffer, and stomach won the day. I
--^abandoned car ridirig for the time being,
*^»^ except as an occasional luxury, and
took up the tramp through country
roads,

A BOOST ON THE BUMPER.

45
I did not want work, anyhow, not until I got "away out West,"
whither I was bound ; but I did stand most terribly in need of cash and
clothing. I had not quite lost all sense of shame or pride and I could not
reconcile myself to the thought of coming down to what I considered
straight, square begging, though the means I adopted and the results at
tained would hardly be caUed by any other name by an unprejudiced rea
soner. I stiU had in my possession, one poor, solitary little coin, a silver three
cent piece, and on this remarkably light specie basis I operated, supple
menting its power with various " ways that' are dark and tricks that vain,"
practised by the tramping fraternity, and contrived to make that one piece
of money find me in food for weeks without begging.
The modus operandi was as follows : I limp up to a house, and with
doleful aspect and all the poUteness I could muster, I would salute its
mistress. "Lady," I would say, and if the woman was particularly old,, ugly
and slatternly, I was careful to address her as " young lady."
" I am a poor man hunting for my friends who live somewhere about
this neighborhood. I am very tired and very hmigry, but I do not want
to beg. I have just these three cents left in the world, will you please
give me a few bites of food for it I "
That "fetched 'em, every time," the grub would be forthcoming,
good and plenty. And who could be so heartless as to take the last three
cents from a poor, foot-sore sailor lad ?
Once, however, my financial resources were in very serious danger ;
they were for a short period actually sequestered. That was a terrible
time to me, terrible 1
I had stopped with the usual sorrowful tale and humble solicitation at
the house of an old lady who served me with a moderate ration, and when
I tendered to her my money, she took it. I was thunderstruck and demor
alized ; all my capital squandered for a "hand out," far below the general
average as to both quantity and quaUty. The shock made me so sick that
I almost returned the food I had eaten, onthe spot.
But wild despair quickened my invention, and I determined to make
a desperate effort to recover my treasure. Turning a really piteous face
towards the dame, I said, with stimulated sobs and unfeigned sorrow:
"I am very thankful to you, lady, I must Ump on now. Bless you,
ma'am^4)less you ! May the time never come when you, or any one be
longing to you, will ever have to turn from a door, out into the wide
world, feeUng that they have parted with their last cent, for food to keep
from starving, and not knowing that they wiU ever have a crust given to
them elsewhere."
And then, having worked up my own feelings into the beUef that I was
really a much injured mortal, and in immediate danger of death from the
cause mentioned, I " bo-ho-ed " right out, in good earnest.
The appeal, the tears, were too much for the ancient madam who had
begun probably, to feel some shame in yielding to her cupidity ; my three-
cent piece was returned to me, and, proud tribute to my histrionic and orato
rical powers, a dime was added. I was further filled up with a hugh wedge
of pie and sent on my wicked way rejoicing. .
The above was but one of the many mcidents that tended to make

4G
my Ufe on the road a series Of singular, sometimes pleasing, and often ex
citing encounters. AU sorts of people I came in contact with and each
individual had to be met and
managed in a different way.
" Blarney," the "taffy," of talk,
was, on most occasions, the "beSt
holt'," and many were the times
when a blousy servant girl,' or
vinegarish mistress, proposed to
set the dog' on me that -a speech,
complimentary to the charms of
face or person, would keep the
dog chained up and gam for me
a square meal with milk in
plenty. I led this life for considerable
time, and though my morals were
fast becoming as seedy and di
lapidated as my clothing and
boots, yet my conscience, not
the triumph of genius. entirely dead to good, or my
sense of manhood which stiU occasionally rebuked me, at intervals
prompted the turning of my feet into a new and more honorable path, and
at last such inward urgings, with the fact that I had seen enough of the
West to be disenchanted for the time being, forced me to come to a right
about and return to Philadelphia.

CHAPTER IX.
FRESH AND SALT.
Eastward bound once more, I made what haste I could to carry out
mf newly formed intention, and of course the country had to supply my ¦
wants as I travelled through it.
One morning as I was passing an orchard, the tempting sight of deli
cious apples upon the trees, and my hungiy stomach, got the upper handof
my honesty, and I was soon among the fine fruit. I had eaten my fill and
bundled a lot of choice specimens in my handkerchief and was about to
take my departure when I was confronted by the angry proprietor.
"You confounded, thief J" he cried, "I'll make you pay for those
apples with your hide. I'll break your thieving back for you, you
scoundrel ! " and he flourished his stout cane to emphasize every word he
roared. It was all in vain that I pleaded my hunger and destitute condition,
asked his pardon, offered to pay all the money I had for what was eaten,
and to empty my bundle at the foot of the tree from which I had taken the
fruit. "No!" he would not be appeased; a thrashing I deserved and a
thrashing he was going to give me. Now, in the navy I had, of course
taken my part in smgle-stick exercise ; I quietly- waited with the strong
stick which formed part of my tramp. equipment, until the' old gentleman
started to do execution with his cudgel, which he proposed to break over
my head and back. .

47
That I was in the wrong I was very conscious, and I resolved that my
part in the combat should only be to defend my flesh and bones, and
under no circumstances would I
hurt the old man. So the first
blow he struck was caught on-
my stick, and pound as he would,
and he did his best, he could
never break through my guard.
I calmly parried all his cuts until
he wore out his breath, his
strength and his ill-humor aU
together ; then he stopped and
bade me take myself off and the
apples with me, for an impudent
rascal that I was.
The fruit was very good, and
a most opportune giftj as, the
country just there being very
thinly settled, I was forced to
subsist upon it alone for two days.
In a hurry to arrive at Phila
delphia, I "jumped*'? the cars at
every chance, and finding that
the "land-wrecked sailor" was
the most "taking dodge," I
forbidden fruit. "worked the racket " of a man-
of-war's-man trying to get back to his ship, for all it was worthy and I
found it a very valuable aid, even with those general unbelievers, the R. R.
conductors. With my well concocted and oft-repeated story, I so worked
upon the good nature of sundry trainmen that I was given many free rides
and other favors, one man taking me through from Pittsburg to Altoona,
and givmg me a card to another who carried me to within three mites of
Philadelphia, where I was obliged to drop off in order that he might run
no risk of getting into trouble. I re-entered the Quaker City on foot, and
hunting up some kind people I had before made friends with, I was by
them furnished with food and shelter.
On application at the Navy Yard,-in PhUadelphia, I found that no
sailors were being enlisted there, and I at once# started for, on foot, Balti
more, Md., to try and ship from that city. From a "land-shark " who,
in the hone of obtaining some of my advance pay, had helped to fix me up
in somewhat presentable shape, I had gotten a pair of shoes ; as it was not
my fault that I could enter 'service at the first named place, I kept on, and
walked off with, the shoes; but they proved the instruments of pmiishment
for the wrong I committed, for being much too small, their pinching and
the hard tramping so crippled my feet, that it was in terrible misery I
marched on, and just below Wilmington, Delaware, I was forced by my
sufferings to halt. ,.¦,-*,
Stopping at the first house I came to, I asked leave to rest awhile and
begged the people to give me a little food. In talking to the good lady I
told her my true story, and as some of her ancestors had been Danes, she
was so much pleased to meet a bona fide native of Denmark, that she

48
treated me with most generous hospitality, and on my departure gave me
a quarter of a dollar, the possession of which seemed to lessen very con
siderably the misery in my feet.
When near Perry ville I concluded to take a rest by riding "a quar
ter's worth " in the cars, and at that place I waited for and boarded the
train. The rear cars were occupied by a militia company, on an excursion
to Baltimore; I crowded in among the merry holiday soldiers, and, as we
steamed rapidly over the miles, I waited in fear and trembling for the
conductor to appear ; but that official never came, and I was taken into the
city of Baltimore free of charge. Good luck for once. (
I immediately made tracks for the shipping depot, and by sacrificing
my two months' advance pay, twenty-eight dollars, to a land-shark, I was
able to obtain the necessary outfit with which to pass the required inspec
tion, and in a few hours I found myself snugly stowed away, an Uncle
Sam's Blue Jacket, on board the U. S. Receiving Ship, Allegheny,
where I was duly instructed in the routine of duty, which, in port, is more
monotonous than exciting, though iny blunders managed at times to vary
the even tenor of my way.
It was my fortune for a time to be " spit box " bearer ; that by no
enviable position which is the reward, or penalty, bestowed for expectora
tion upon the deck., The man of mark, or who makes such mark, has the
box strapped* upon his , breast, unpleasantly near, and directly under his

"some have honors thrust upon them."
nose, and he is forced to walk the deck for the accommodation of the crew,
and carry this unsavory load until he detects and reports some new
offender in the same way. But the reporting does not always follow such
detection, for if the guilty party latest discovered be the best man of the two'
a tremendous thrashing is sure to follow the transfer of the badge of dis
honor and dirt I was forced to carry that detestable box for three davs
before I caught a fellow sinner whom I could report and whip also
There was still another naval honor I had thrust upon me whiie on the

49

Allegheny, it was the position Captain of the Head; this promotion is
won by beihg found washing clothing at times other than those prescribed by
the ship regulations. The duties of the Captain consist in cleansmg a very
necessary, but' not particularly sweet-scented section of the vessel's internal
economy. The occupant of the post has, as some slight compensation, the
special privilege of washing clothing every evening, and as there are always
plenty of lazy sailors, the Allegheny had her share of them ; and as
they would pay a shiUing for washing a shirt, twenty-five cents for cleaning
a hammock, and for other articles at proportionate rates, I made several
dollars during my occupancy, which continued exactly one week, when I
gladly retired in favor of some other unfortunate, who, by sin of omission
or commission, was considered to have earned a right to the high (flavored)
dignity. •
"*Whi|e on this Receiving Ship I endeavored to improve my knowledge
of and speech in the English language, and purchasing a spelling book I
-ri:.-,- ». set earnestly to Work, copying also
the written characters. I made
considerable progress in my self-
imposed and difficult task and my
perseverance excited the admira-
> tion of my shipmates to such an
extent that two old tars, Billy
Sims and Jack Fetty, veterans of
the Mexican War, propose to aid
me, so far as speech went, by slit
ting my tongue with the sharp
edge of a silver shiUingi, which
a they assured me was just the
thing to improve the talking of
parrots and "furriners," and
an aid to the acquisition of eng- that " it wouldn't hurt a bit and
lish. do me a power of good. " They
siezed me and were about to carry out their plan when my howls brought
the officer of the deck, who put an end to the experiment.
For six months I remained upon the vessel, then I was drafted for^
yard and boat duty at the Naval Academy, Annapolis, Md., from there in
two weeks, transferred to the Receiving Ship Pennsylvania, laying at
Norfolk, Va., where I remained untU the end of the year, when, tired of
the dull, uneventful life, I asked for my discharge, which was readily
granted, their being at that time too many men in the navy.
I received my discharge in October, 1860, and my pay amounted to
exactly $128 being just one hundred dollars more than the sum with which
I quitted my first U. S. ship. The Western fever had again taken posses
sion of me and I made ready to once more move in that direction, not
however as as tramp this time, but in a mild way, as a "bloated capi
talist," a, merchant, though my ideas in that Une did not rise above the
dignity of peddling.

50

CHAPTER X.
SUNDRY SHORE AND' SORE SITUATIONS.
Doffing the blue and donning the "biled" shirt, with store-clothes
corresponding, I traveUed, as a gentleman of moderate means, not wealthy
, — S. but independent; from Baltimore to Wheeling,'
West Virginia, there took steamer to Cincinnati,
Ohio, from thence going to'St. Louis, Mo., where
I secured boarding at the Green Tree Hotel. I
was at that moment in possession of good health
and strength, a serviceable knowledge of the Eng
lish language, a pretty solid opinion of myseU and
, abUities, a fair stock of clothing, one hundred dol
lars in cash, a varied experience, and a revolver,
which weapon I bought by advice or a friend and
was always afraid to handle for fear I should unin
tentionally blow the roof off my own or somebody
else's head.
Seeing no immediate opening for judicious in
vestment of my capital and being unwilling to re
main in idleness which would reduce my store,
I looked abqut for employment.
I had half formed the intention of taking an
overland tram for California, but it was the depth
of winter and all lines of travel were blocked with
heavy snows. The St. Louis and Missouri Pacific
Railroad was at that time in course of construction
and men were wanted to work upon the line,
wages being $1.15 per day. This seemed better
with money in my than living "all out and nothing in," so I con-
pocket. eluded to take up the pick and shovel as a railroad
laborer and try to dig my way into a fortune. ,
Soon I was enrolled in a gang and forwarded to the place of wdrk,
which was where the town of SedaUa now stands ; at that time the ground
was an immense com field, the whole section, bleak, barren and cheerless
as the North Pole, cold as a pawnbroker's heart ; a dull, gloomy, howUng
wilderness, the only building for miles about being the big barri of an
"Irishman's shanty " erected for the R. R. workmen.
We had good, coarse food, and plenty of it, and far more than, plenty
of bad whiskey, which could be
bought for twenty-eight -cents a
gallon, and was of ¦ that quality
that contained three drunks, six
fights, oceans of profanity , and
any desired number of black eyes
In every quart of it.
. All around the four sides of
the house were shelves,, substitutes
for beds, roosting places, called/ by
a liberal stretch of courtesy and
truth "sleeping bunks," and these

ENJOYING THEMSELVES.

51

reached from floor to roof. Every night the scenes perf ormed hi that sin-
sodden shanty would have made Donnybrook Fair seem a Quaker meeting
by contrast ; the crazy-drunken
crowd would dance, and fight and
howl, and roar like all the fiends
in Pandemonium. They called
this " enjoying themselves."
Outside it was colder than
zero, inside it was hotter than
China, but in no wise so celestial.
There was comfort for me
neither inside or outside; because
_ I would not join in the whiskey
— guzzling and insane devilment
in which they delighted, thesegen-
erous blackguards would give
A warm friend. me my ghare of the liquor by
throwing it irito my face and eyes.
I wanted the work -arid the pay ; as it only cost two doUars per week
for board, so I was making and saving money, and though it was a horribly
rough and unpleasant life, I was disposed to stick to it as long as I could.
Cold and windy 1 I shiver yet when I think of it. It had been my luck to|
be assigned a bunk on the floor range, and the blasts that came sweeping'^
in under the doors, and poorly joined weather boarding cut through me
like a knife, the one thin blanket allowed me being hardly any protection
whatever, and night after night I
lay shivering and sick with the cold,
awake through aU the dark hours, until Provi
dence came to me in the shape of a pig.
The person whp boarded the laborers had
a pig, and piggy with the wisdom of his kind,
knew that it was much warmer inside than
outside the shanty, so he got in the habit
of seeking his repose within, and being a very
sober and gentlemanly pig, he naturally
sought out a human of somewhat the same
characteristics. As I was the only temper
ance man in the party, and my ground floor
bunk very handy, piggy chummed in with me,
and after we found that by laying very close
tpgether there was a considerable amount of
beat to be obtained for each from the other,
we were constant bed-fellows and perfectly
satisfied with each other, though sometimes he
.wanted more than his fair share of bunk room.
My success with the pick and shovel was
not brilliant, that I lacked natural aptitude
for effectively handling- these valuable imple
ments was was soon so apparent that the boss,
who was not a bad fellow, changed my task
POOR picking. and tried me as mule driver, and two of those

52
longeared, nimble heeled embodiments of aUcantankerousness were delivered
over to my charge, or rather I was delivered over to their cussedness. Of all
the muUsh mules that ever backed, baulked, bucked, shied, kicked and bray
ed, these two were the worst ever bunt
upon four hoofs since mules were first
manufactured. Whether I could not
understand them or they could not un
derstand me,I do not know; but just
what I did not want those confounded
mules to do was the very perfor
mance they persisted carrying out;
this would excite my mulish propen
sities, and as I was -bound that they
should do asi wished, and they were
bound they wouldn't, the war was
incessant between us. But the other
two mules always won.
the three of us. How long my patience (or obsti
nacy) and perseverance would have enabled me to hold out in the fight be
tween us three, or how soon I would have been kUled by the mules, or
"bounced" by theboSs, as incompetent, it is
impossible to judge ; the blackest mule won the
fight and settled the question most summarily,
by bringing his hard hind hoof down upon my
great toe with deliberate malice and sufficient
force to crush the naU deep into the flesh and
so cripple me that I was given an honorable
discharge for wounds received and disabfiity
incurred in the line of duty, and, with earnings
in pocket and foot in a sling, I returned to St.
Louis. While laid up, nursing my foot, I became
acquainted with an old German, who induced
me, so soon as 1 was able to again be about, to
embark some of my capital in the manufacture
of artificial honey, the substitute for the " bee-
juice," being composed of genuine honey, wax
and sugar. The senior partner prepared the
^ — stuff, and I peddled it to druggists and grocers
.at a price far below that of the real article.
We were buUding up a good trade and
"making a fair amount of money, when our
the other fellow bright prospects were clouded and obliterated
won. by the outraged honesty or some other motive
of the Irish woman in whose house we lodged. This female follower of
Saint Patrick spied in upon our manipulations, as we used her wash house
for a laboratory, making, in a clothes boiler, the "genuine Bee-Honey,"
without troubling the busy bees in the least.
In emphatic language and violent passion this Milesian madam venti
lated her opinion that we were a pair of " pizinin', murtherin', swindlin'.
Dutch vagabones," and wound up her tirade by shouting, hair and fist fly-

53

ing,"I'U put the perlice on ye ! 1 wiU I I will 1" and flung herself out as
though intending to at once summon an officer.
I had a holy horror of all law proceedings and knew not how great
was the extent of my offending or its penalty ; and I
had no particular desire for enlightenment on these
points, so I quickly then and there dissolved the part
nership and retired from the firm and its sweet busi
ness, with a loss of twenty dollars on my original in
vestment.

CHAPTER XI. ,
THE LUCK IS MIXEljl.
Modest by nature aud not desiring to be brought
prominently before the pubUc through police influ-
ences,my retiring disposition made me anxious to leave
St. Louis at the earUest possible moment, and so I
s took passage on a steamboat bound for New Orleans,
• La., but we had only proceeded on our journey down
u , _ the Mississippi as far as Cape Girardeau, when the
i ll put the koat stranded, the "cold snap " caught us, and for
perlice on ye I f ourteen days we were ice bound at that point.
Always anxious to be earning something, when wood choppers were
wanted to get together a supply for the boat, I applied to be put at the
work. But I was no more an
axe man than a, pick expert and
after inflicting several minor cuts
upon my shins, which caused me
to limp around in bandages, I put
an end to my career as wood
butcher, by sinking deep into my
foot the sharp blade intended to
split a great log of wood into
size for the cabin stove.
Crippled and quiet I re
mained until the boat at last
reached New Orleans, by which
time I was again able to walk
about. My cash on hand footed
up about sixty dollars and fearing
 that, unless I at once engaged in
some business for employment I
-BUT A FOOT — fob, edge could not find ; my money would
TOOLS. i run off from me and I would run
off to sea (which I did not wish to do), I plunged at once into a new and
f owkbusiness, the chicken trade.
I would carefully watch for and be first to board' the flat boats that
came down the river bringing market produce and truck for city consump
tion, from these I would purchase their entire stock of chickens, in large
or small lots, then tramping around the streets with as many specimens of
my stock as I could carry in my hands or hang about my person, I would

NO HAND-

54

sell them to restaurants, hotels and families, singly or by pairs, so manyjis
they wanted, at a very fair profit.
I quickly extended my acquaintance and trade and
by close attention to business was soon thriving, having
accumulated in less than four weeks over three hun
dred dollars hi ready cash, and carrying generally a
stock of about one hundred dozen chickens. Most of
my feathered, clucking and crowing stock I kept in
coops on the levee or wharf and I paid a man one dollar
and a half a night to act as watchman over my
property. A genial disposition, readiness to make friends, the
somewhat liberal use of money that was now rather
plentiful in my pockets, any one, or aU of these com
bined, served to make me really or apparently very
popular with a certain class of individuals to be found
everywhere, whp are always glad to share any man's
prosperity. I was soon "in with the boys" who made
much of, and off me.
This was in the "good old times," just, "befo'
a fowl trade, the wa'," when gambling was openly carried on in
hundreds of places in New Orleans and other cities of the South, where in
magnificent apartments, with free suppers, liquors and segars for visitors,
piles of glittering coin were hourly won or lost, and fortunes changed
hands nightly. Into one of these establishments, on a second floor of df
.building near the French market I was introduced by several of my new
found friends, and after the excitement and temptation had taken hold
upon my imagination, it required little or no persuasion to induce me to
venture my money.
The first night that I entered the lists against the tiger, "I won
squarely or was allowed to win over forty dollars, and I left the gambling
house perfectly intoxicated, not with liquor* but with my good fortune.
Here was the right way to make money, to get rich! I had found the
road to fortune at last, and I laid awake speculating how long it 'would
take me, calculating my winnings at forty dollars a night, to become as
rich as I wished to be. Well, I was a big fool, as there has been big fools
over just the same alluring prospect since the earth was peopled, and wUl
be big fools until the earth has ceased to exist.
The chicken business contained no element of excitement equal to my
new found money making scheme, and, never reaUzing that I was but a
poor chicken, to be most unmercifully plucked by the hawks that I had
allowed to gather round me, I went a second time to the gambling place,
not tp fare quite so well as on my first visit. Then I went a third time,
sure that I would make up my losses and win much more, and as I left the
doors of the house that night, they closed on a room and table where. I had
parted with over two hundred dollars of my honestly earned savings which
had gone to fill the pockets of my dismterested, newly found, very dear
friends. As I said before, the unhealthy and umiatural excitement of those last
few days had caused me to neglect and despise my chicken business and
now that I begun to understand what a poor fool I had been, I thought it

55

was time for me to look after the legitimate trade that brought me honest
gains and good sleep. I hurried to the levee and reached the spot where I
expected to find one hundred or more dozens of chickens, and I saw noth
ing. The space generally occupied by my stock was a bare, empty patch,
not a coope, not a chicken, not even a feather to be seen and no watchman
about. After considerable trouble, I f ouiid the man whom I had erriployed
to guard my property, and discovered that he had ignorantly, or for a
share of the proceeds, delivered the entire lot on a fraudulent order, signed
by the name of a firm that had no existence, and there was not left to me
a single chick or payment of a cent.
Utterly unmanned and driven frantic by this latest loss, crowded as it
was upon my squandered capital left with the gamblers, I gave a howl of
despair, cried, tore at my hair, and at last rushed to the edge of the levee
and giving what I thought was my last yell of anguish on earth, I plunged
into the Mississippi. All this occurred on my birth
day, and the anniversary of my entrance into the
world would have marked my exit therefrom, had I
not been such a born blunderer that I could not even
commit suicide properly.
Had I dived in my head would certainly stuck
fast in the deep mud which underlaid the few inches
of water about the^part of the levee from whic"h I.
made my plunge, and I would have found a dirty
h death through suffocation in the filth, but .as I had
i, jumped, it was my legs that sunk into the slimy,
sticky, putrif ying mass of refuse in which I sunk
waist deep.
1- For the second time in my life the desire to end
^my existence was destroyed by the agency through
s which I attempted to accomplish the deed, and as I
felt myself slowly sinking in the mass of corruption,
ALL GONE. I howled most lustily for aid, and was fished out or
dragged from the mire, to employ an hour or so in cleansmg my person and
garments and collecting for future service, what of brains and common
sense I was possessed. . .
My latest and most unpleasant experiences of life in New Orleans had
rendered its atmosphere, and all connected with the city, most unpleasant.
Had I won instead of lost money by gambling, I dare say all would have
been rose-colored, but I didn't win, and was therefore piously pemtent as
poor, so I gathered up my ideas and property, took m all money due me,
and started for other pastures.

56

CHAPTER XII.
STILL on the down grade.
When I scraped the mud of its dock from off my garments and shook
the dust of the Cresent City from off my No. 12 brogans, I bad no very,
definite idea of where I was going, but I took a steamer, and in three
days during, which I gradually recovering a healthy state of mind, I found
myself in Galveston, Texas, and there I feU in with an old friend and fel
low countryman. It was just at this time that the secession excitement had reached its
red-hot temperature, "Lone Star " and " Pahnetto " flags were fluttering
from hundreds of halyards and poles, and the " Stars and Stripes " were
conspicuous by their absence. On every side was heard the busy notes of
preparation for grim war. The people of the South, men, women and chil
dren, were crazy "to fight for their rights ; " the steamer Harriet Lane
had been taken possession of by the State authorities. It was very evident
that war and bloodshed was inevitable.
Men were then in aU portions of the country, obliged to define then-
positions in very plain language, taking sides one way or the other, and
asserting themselves boldly. There was no study over the question with
me. Since I had left the flag of my native land, I had served under that of
several other nations, but the "Flag of the Union" was the first that
attracted the loyalty of my heart, before I ever heard of or knew the word
secession, I had sworn aUegiance to the starry banner, not only in words,
but by true adoption for the balance of my life and to the old flag I was
going to stick through thick and thin, on the relative merits of the ques
tions in dispute between the two sections I did not try, or was I competent
to form an opinion, I foUowed blindly the promptings of my first love.
Moved by such feelings and not bashful in giving expression to my
sentiments, the sunny South was entirely too warm a climate for my gen
eral health, and I realized that I had better be making tracks for the
North. My Danish friend's sympathies were decidedly Southern, and he
was gomg to remam on that side of Mason and Dixon's Une. Our personal
relations were as warm as ever,
but we had sorrie hot political
discussions which were, as are
most arguments of tha^ char
acter, mere gas over matters that
neither of (us knew the least
about. - We shook hands heart
ily when parting, and wished
each all sorts of good luck to-the
other. I presented him with the
revolver I had bought in St.
Louis. "Here, my brother Dane,"
I said, as I struck a heroic
attitude, "take this to remem
ber me by, but let me beg of you
for the sake of our father-land
to turn its deadly contents into

IN REMEMBRANCE.

57

your own brain, before you use it agamst the defenders of the glorious
Flag of Libertyl" \
I was most anxious to be on the move, and acting without thinking of
the old saymg, on the queer prmciple that "the longest way round is the
nearest way home," I shipped on a coasting vessel to Pensacola, Appala
chicola,* and other Florida points, and finally brought up once more in New
Orleans with about forty doUars in my purse.
It was officially announced that March 14th was the last day on which
a steamboat would be permitted to depart for the North. Two days pre
vious to that time I met a discharged soldier of the U. S. army, who was
without means to get to his Northern home and friends, and going with
him to the boat I secured and paid for his deck passage to Cairo, 111. A
well dressed,keen looking individual was standing near the clerk's office at
the time and witnessed the whole transaction, hearing also the conversa
tion incident thereto; he saw my money and very probably overestimated
the amount of it.
This gentleman, after a short time, approached and entered into con
versation with me, indulging in many very complimentary remarks re
garding my UberaUty, etc., to the poor soldier ; "just what he had done
himseU hundreds and hundreds of times, he said," and as our acquaintance
grew he became more and more "taken with me," and at last, I being
"just the man he was looking for," lie offered me a situation as overseer
on his plantation at thirty dollars per month, house, horse,: food, and no
end of other inducements being included. His generosity was unbounded,
and his political sentiments were, to a dot,, the same as my own.
Thinking I had better secure such a good place until I could save more
money, and trust to luck to get North when flush with cash, I promptly
accepted his offer and we parted, but not, however, until I had promised
to meet him at 2 o'clock of that afternoon, at the St. Charles Hotel,to take a
ride in his carriage and give an opinion about a new pair of horses he had
just purchased. a
I was on time-lit the place of appointment to a minute ; there was my
new friend and employer, and there
also was a fine team, with coach
man in livery.
With Chesterfieldian polite
ness, Mr. Spider invited Mr. Fly to
enter the carriage ; proudly I did
so, and he, after saying afew words
to the driver, seated himself beside
me. He then explained that be
fore going out on the Shell road to
the lake, for a good dinner, he
wished to drive to the Alabama
depot to arrange for sending to his
hotel a trunk that was there, for
which he had written to his
mother. I was only too happy to ride
wherever he desired, and we tooled
the spider and the fly, along to the depot, the gentleman

58
then left me but retm-ned in a few moments with a check for $100 (or
what purported to be such) in his hand and asked if I could change it. I
expressed my regret that I had not so much money with me. He was
much annoyed at the prospective trouble of commg back agam, he wanted
$13 to make up, with what smaU notes he had, the amount of his freight
biU. * ' ' .*..,,.
"Perhaps I could accommodate him with that trifling amount until he
got his check cashed at the Lake Hotel, where he was weU known."
" Certainly I could, and would."
And I did.
Then1 he stepped back into the depot, and I sat in the carriage and
waited, and waited, and waited.
But he didn't come back.
After a good long whUe, coachman turned around" leaned down and
over until he could see inside the carriage, „and inquired if we " was agoin'
to keep the hosses astandin' there all night."
"I guess you'U wait until your master comes back," said I, .with
dignity. " Master be blowed ! " replies Cabby, "that fellow ain't no master
o' mine, I hain't got none. He's a sharp, that's wot that feller is, an'
takin' a bird's eye view of it I should say he was a playin' you fur aflat.'"
And that worldly-wise driver further continued. . >
" But that ain't nothin' to me noways, sharps er flats,' ripe 'uns or
green 'uns, tain't none of my funeral. Wot I want to know is, ef you got
the coin ter pay f er the hire o' this hack. "
Then I became awake to the stern realities of my situation, and knew
that I had been swindled. It was in vain I protested that I had not hired
the carriage, had been invited to ride, etc., etc., Gabby * remarked with
firmness: ' ' Don't know ner keer nothin' 'bout that, this here hack an' them ther
hosses hes been in use of you an' that other feller for over two hours. I
ain't got him but I hev got you, an' I'm goin' to hev the -hire of this hack,
an' them hosses er ther'l be trouble."
Sadly I paid him more than legal charges from my much diminished
cash, and then, in a perfect fever of haste to quit a city where everybody
and every action seemed to combine agamst me, I hurried to the levee,
found the boat on whieh I had placed the soldier, secured a deck passage
for myself, and was, an hour after, steaming away from the scene of my
misfortunes and, foolishness.
TraveUing on a deck-passage ticket, I was not entitled to meals and
could buy no food on the boat, and in the hurry and excitement of getting
away I had never thought to provide rations. When the boat stopped at
Baton Rouge, I hurried into that town to purchase food, feeling confident
that I had time to lay in a supply and get back before the boat took in coal
that bemg its regular station for so doing.
With a handkerchief well crowded with sundry eatables and a big loaf
of bread under my arm, I returned to the landing place, but my boat was
not there, and I could just manage to hail it and receive answer short and
pointed, to the effect that I could stay where I was The steamer had
started so soon as her freight for that place was landed and was Wins in
coal from a barge in tow at her side as she rushed away

59

The loss of my fare and time was a very serious matter just then, but
a still greater was that of my sailor's bag in which was all my clothing and
a diary, fully written up, in which was recorded the
history of my adventures and ramblings, aU these were
now lost, carried away by that miserable steamboat
that seemed to say in every puff, "Left I left ! left ! "
There was but one course of proceedings open to
me whicli was to board the next steamer coming up.
In an hour or two I was again on my way and dame
Fortune did me one good turn on this trip by making
i the eyes of the clerk blind to my presence ; that sterfi
; official never appearing to demand or collect my pas-'
* sasre money. I didn't hunt him very anxiously, and
3?; so traveUed to my destination D. H.
When I arrived in Cincinnati, Ohio, I was dirty to
I the last degree and certain ' 'small deer, " common among
deck passengers, were making themselves entirely too
familiar with my flesh and blood. I was disgusted at
my condition and sought to remedy it, so I purchased a cheap outfit of
underclothing and then proceeded to the poor man's bath place, the river.
The tower of the grand suspension bridge, which now spans the Mississippi
at that point, was then about thirty feet high, and getting down under its
protection from the wmd, I proceeded to disrobe and afterwards to bathe
in the intensely cold water, where the ice in blocks of aU sizes was grinding
sullenly together.
Certain persons had watched me as Imade my way down to the water's
edge, and when they'saw me commence to undress, concluding that I in
tended suicide, they rushed to secure me, and it required considerable
broken English from me to convince them that I reaUy intended to only take
a bath, then they let me have my own way, but
considering the time, place and temperature, they
all concluded ttiat I was a harmless, crazy
Dutchman.

LEFT.

for scouring, not
SUICIDE.

CHAPTER XIII.
A GOOD SAMARITAN.
My funds were now rmfrimg very low; I had
only about three doUars left — that this would
soon be exhausted in Cincinnati I weU knew. It
was necessary that I should at once find work,
but though I hunted industriously for it, I could
not obtain employment in the city.
With my earthly all in a very light bundle, I
made my way into the country and found that
there was plenty of work, but none that I could
do. It seemed as though I had to answer "No, "
to every question asked me.
" Could I workin the garden ? " " No."
" Could I take care of horses ? " "No. "
" Chop wood ¥ " 'No. " " Milk cows ? "

60
"No." and so on through an endless string pf interrogatories with the
same unvarying answer to aU. .
When asked " What can you do ? " I would reply Notlung, only try
to do asi am told."
Willingness did not seem to be considered as an equivalent for knowl
edge and skill however, and I tramped on through Hamilton county, until
I came to Fairfield, Indiana, where I paid my last money, twenty-five
cents for lodgings, and the same amount for breakfast, and then continued
my wanderings, destitute of destination as of means. f
Over roads that seemed to lead to nowhere in particular, and by turn
ings that faced me to every point of the compass, I pursued my weary way
until I was brought to stand stiU on the banks of a smaU river. Though
I had been a sailor and long lived close to deep water, yet I did not know
how to swim. > The barrier presented by this deep, rapid running water
way, over which there was no bridge or signs of road leading to one,
appeared to me to be a predestined halting place in my life, to which my
erratic footsteps had been directed by an overruling Providence.
" Thus far and no further, in th/ present course shalt thou proceed ! "
is what the rippling of the current seemed to sound within my ears.
What influences possessed me I know not, but there was some change
ful process working powerfully within my mind. I asked myself,
" What shall I do '*"' knowing full well that I could invent no answer tb
the query. It really appeared as though I had reached the end of ah things
for me. TheD the words of my mother, spoken when I bade her "Good-bye,"
as I recklessly cast from me her protecting care, and blindly plunged into
a world of which I was ignorant, came crowding back upon my memory.
"My son, trust to God, and make yourself worthy of his fatherly love;
keep yourself pure, never Ue, be honest, do your duty to your masters, be
sober, pray to be kept in the right way, and against all trials and troubles,
snares, wickedness, and dangers of this World, He wiU guard and hold you
safe." My mother was a woman always occupied busUy with the cares of this
life, who indulged in none of the sentimentaUty often found conspicuous in
those who least practice what they preach ; but the true root of all good
was in her, the knowledge of the way to peace and happiness she fully pos- '
sessed, and the occasion on which she had spoken to me, her very words,
were indelibly impressed upon my mind.
The recollection of this incident, with all its attendant circumstances,
banished from my brain every feeling or sense, but that of the utter aban
donment and desolation in which I now stood, and,
entirely oblivious of the peculiar position in which I
was placing myself, I fell upon my knees, my eyes
streaming with tears, hands clasped in agony, and with
lips long unused to the language of devotion, in my
native tongue, I poured out my petition to the
Almighty for pardon, guidance, aid and protection.
What I said, how long I remained thus, I know
not, so absorbed was I, so completely transported from
all earthly considerations and surroundings by the
broke down, emotions of the houjr, that even the noise made by the

61 .

arrival at the spot of a darriage, drawn by two horses, did not attract my
attention, and when I at last returned to thoughts of mundane matters, I
foundmyself the subject of curious contemplation on the part of an elderly
gentleman seated in the vehicle which was standing close to me. His
glance and ah* seemed not unkindly, and, as I sprang to my feet in great
confusion he called to me. "My boy," said he, "what is the matter ? "
rBBs^§|j§iS||§£2S Now prayer had become, with me, such an unusual
gHlB^^w exercise, for years past, that I felt half ashamed to con-
Wfiffi$K$[*, yf fess that I had been asking the help of God, and en-
' ~ deavored to evade answering.
My new acquaintance bade me jump into the car
riage beside him, which I did ; he then cautiously
forded the river, and as he drove along, closely but
"^ pleasantly questioned me, skilfully leading me on into
~"i making confidences untU, before we had travelled many
¦ miles, he was in f uU possession of the leading facts and
: incidents of my history, and I concluded by candidly
acknowledging that, having felt myself powerless, and
. trusting no longer in my own strength or the mercy of
man, I had gone to the Father above, and, begged for
' help and comfort.
"And don't you think he sent it ? " the old gen-
' tleman asked.
Soon he put the old question that I had so often
answered. "What can you do?"
And agam came the ready, but most unsatisfactory
answer, "Nothing."
For once this reply did not frighten or quiet my new friend who appa
rently argued that a man or boy, who was willing to admit that he could
do nothing, might be' learned to do something ; and I doubt not but expe
rience had taught him that those who professed to be able to do everything,
frequently were incapable of anything ; aU of which complicated reasoning
has come into my later understanding. I had the notion of it at that time
but could not have expressed my ideas, and I am now givmg the world the
benefit of my matured wisdom.
Before we reached his destination, this man, whom I believe was sent in
answer to my prayer, had bargained with me that I was to come and Uve
with him, to be paid six doUars a month " and found," to do nothing until
it was discovered that I was fit to do something ..,,,,
The name of, that good man I will here call, Johu Stuart, of Blank-
ville this also fictitious, Indiana, and that he never had cause to regret his
generosity exerted in my behalf, it is my pride to feel conscious. I was,
and am,— will ever be, very, very, grateful to him.
I went into his home, rough and ignorant, but ready and anxious to
learn and it is really wonderful how, in a short time, I did contrive to
nick up and properly attend to many matters of greater or lesser impor
tance, and aU of which tended to get through more quickly with the rou
tine work of the place, and save the backs, hands and feet of others. I
learned or commenced to acquire, in that comfortable home many things

IN REPLY.

62

that were of great use to me afterwards, and I know that I did what was
considered more than suflicient to repay the kindness that was ever exhib
ited towards me by each member of that family.
CHAPTER XIV.
I 'LIST FOR A "SODGER."
The war cloud which I had seen rising in the South had now increased
in size and blackness, until it overshadowed with its gloom, every portion
of our nation.
The first gun fired at Sumpter echoed and re-echoed -throughout the
world, and in om- own land, from California to the borders of Canada, the
men of the North waked from their apathy, and girded themselves for
the dread work before them. My native land retained that portion of my
affection which every man must ever feel for the country of his birth, but
the United States was the nation I had chosen, of all others, to be my
country, under the Old Flag I had served, and I was going to permit no
one, American or foreign born, to exceed me in devotion and service to it,
so far as if. lay in my power to perform my duty.
There was work now that no one need ask me "Can you do it?"
" Can you fight for the Stars and Stripes ? " Every impulse of my nature
and throb of my heart told me, "You can do it ! " and I determined to go.
, I had not been one month with my kind employer, I was happy, fully
content in a good home, and knew that he and his f amUy were entirely sat
isfied with me, but, unimaginative and stolid as my mind had ever appeared
to be, I felt this to be a caU direct to me.
The resolve "to go," meant everything in those days of national
trouble. Mr. Stuart was in full sympathy with my patriotic fervor, and
did nothmg to deter me in my proposed action, and, on the 22d day of
April, 1861, I signed my name and was enrobed in the company bemg
raised by Captain, John X, being the first recruit enlisted in the town pf
Blankville, Indiana.
My master endorsed and applauded me, but there was trouble in his
household, nevertheless, over my 'listing. I had become rough less bear
Uke in my. movements and manners, had also ac
quired a certain skilf ulness about the fartri work
that was found of great service and Mrs. S. did not
, fancy the idea of losing the broad back arid strong,
willing hands, she found in her man of all work.
Then there was a certain comely damsel in that
) house, whose bright eyes, glossy ringlets and pretty
airs and graces, had excited my susceptible nature
, to an extent of which I was unconscious up to the
time when in begging me not to "go," the water
) reservoirs of her pretty eyes freshened up the love
germ in my heart until it grew and blossomed, with
magic celerity into a most flourishing plant.
But I had pledged my word to others and to my
self, and honor, duty, and inclination, all forbade
' that I should retract. '
"don't go, hans." I enlisted with Captain X. for tliree months'
service, but the State or government,refused to accept his company for

03

that period ; he then arranged to attach his command to the  Regi
ment Indiana Volunteers, though there seemed to.be some doubt of even
it bemg received ; finally he joined the 13th Indiana Infantry, and the
company was mustered in on the 28th of April, 1861. Prayers were
offered in my behalf in. the church at Blankville, and though they may not
have done me any good, I am sure they never caused me any harm, and 1
was always very thankful for them.
We were placed in camps at Summans Station, and there received the
necessary drilling to make us fit to Shoot and be shot.
The unvarying regularity of bacon as an article of diet soon began to
cause dissatisfaction among men who had always been accustomed to con
siderable variety of food, and the boys, more apt at acquiring the worst
features of military life than the best, became proficient . foragers before
they were half soldiers. The hen roosts of the surrounding country suf
fered terribly. For a long time I held out , manfully against any unlawful
appropriation of food, refusing tb touch, taste, or handle. I would neither
cook or eat the fowls gathered in midnight raids, though daUy the sight
and smeU of fresh, fat, tender, white chickens, roast, broiled, fried and
stewed, as brought against or in contrast to the halt rancid, strong old
bacon, proved a terrible and continual temptation, and one day when the
"skippers" in the pig meat issued from the commissary were big enough
to get up and bark at one, I fell from grace, and receiving as my share, two
out of twelve " appropriated " chickens. I ate the pair at one sitting, and
ever after clamored for all I could get.
In order to vary the dull routine of camp life and to obtain funds for
extra food and luxuries, we organized a show or entertainment, the per
formers being men of the regiment. Tickets of admission, 25 cents each, were
sold through the'country thereabouts, and we had a roaring house. There
was every kind of talent, good,' bad and indifferent, especially of the two
latter grades. I appeared professionally as " The man of Iron," and made
my title clear to that high sounding designation by driving
pins into my limbs, putting red-hot irons on my tongue for
three seconds and other old fashioned tricks.
The show cleared for us over all expenses, thirteen dol
lars, of which I received twenty-five cents, the boys ex
pending the entire balance fbr whiskey, as to indulgence in
which I was less subject to temptation, and possessed more
power of resistance, than in regard to chickens ; conse
quently I did not participate or enjoy any portion of the
big drunk, free fighting, damages and splitting headaches
that followed the expenditure of our fund "for extra food
and luxuries." Our command was moved, to Richmond, Indiana, and
it was stated once more that our company was to be trans
ferred to the regiment in which it had first tried to find
place ; but the change was not effected, and for three years
1=3 we formed part of the 13th Indiana, led by Colonel Jerry
~1 Sullivan. The captain of my company was a most excellent offi-
THE man OF cer, a veteran of the Mexican war, in which he had lost an
iron arm, as brave a man as ever lived, to whom fear was un-

^64
known. We were stationed for instruction at Camp Sullivan, Indianapolis,
until July 4th, 1861, when we were transported to Grafton, Va., and there
remained for two days while preparing for our first march, which brought
us, on the 9th, to the foot of Rich Mountain.
Our uniform at that time consisted of a blue jean suit, the jacket be
ing short and shapeless, and we looked like a lot of overgrown charity-
school boys, when without arms and equipments. At one o'clock on the
morning of July 11th, with three days' rations in haversacks, our cartridge
boxes filled with "buck and ball," and entirely new sensations under our
blue jean jackets, the'13th Indiana formed into line knowing that in all
human probability there were some who would not answer rbU caU that
night. We were going to fight. Well, that's what we were there for.
It is no easy thing for even the veteran soldier to prepare calmly for a
death struggle in the cold, damp atmosphere and darkness of the hour after
midnight. It ia an entirely different affair from the hurry, dash, excite
ment and Ufe of a daylight " fall in" at the long-roll. " There are few
men,", said the great Napoleon, "possessed of the two o'clock in the
morning courage; "'and any soldier who has passed through an active cam
paign wUl admit the severe strain of such moments ; and now we, almost
to be called raw recruits, were mustering in silence under that cold, calm
moon, and sparkling stars, to move forward for initiation in scenes of
bloody violence.
Our direct commander was General Rosecrans, and after aU the
battalions had arrived he placed himself at the head of the column ; then
came a weary march of thirteen miles over one of the most viUanously bad
roads that ever tortured foot of man or beast, and we found ourselves in
the rear of Rich Mountain, looking up at the frowning batteries erected by
the Confederates under General Garnet. Sharp fighting ensued, and I
could and would gladly spin a long yarn about that fight, but I am not
writing a history of the war, or account of any battles but my own, so I
will only say that our side was victorious, and we 13th Indianians came
out of our first engagement victorious, and with corresponding proud
elation. A favorite question with non-combatants is : " How did you feel when
you were gomg into and^iuring your first fight ? "
For myself only can I answer and say, that my f eeling on the occasion
mentioned were mixed and various. Forming into line in the darkness
and chill, I was, to a considerable degree " shivery ;" I said my prayers
with a hearty good wiU, I went through every prayer that ever I knew,
heard, or could invent, and I meant every word I uttered. When we were
once before the enemy I own that I felt a little " skeered;" I did not want
to be killed or wounded, not even for my country. After the firing began
and comrades would now and then drop around me, pity for their fate and
prayers for my own safety came into my rnind, but soon the work became
general and hot, tearing my cartridges I got powder into my mouth, the
smoke of battle tingled my nostrils, my mad commenced to rise, I thirsted
for revenge, I wanted to get at 'em. I loaded and blazed away with fierce
determination to do all the damage I could. By the time the order was
given to charge, I had forgotten all about danger and rushed on with the
line, full of fight and fury.

65

GIVING IT TO 'EM.

And when we charged and drove them 1 Ah I the glory of seeing them
flying before us, and feeling to the thrill of victory ! That was absolute,
pure, and perfect ecstacy. Our command was
actively engaged in that battle for over one hour
and the whole time did not seem to me to be ten
rniriutes. Now you know how I felt in my fiist battle.
The next day we were to tackle another
strong position of the enemy, but that night
when we went intcttamp, I was one of those de
tailed for picket duty on the outer Une. It
stormed fearfully aU night, and it was a pretty
severe lesson to a new soldier to have a long
rough march, hard fighting, and picket duty,
without overcoat or blanket, and in 'the hardest
kind of rain, aU crowded into one twenty-four
hours. But the experience did us good.
When daylight came our line was formed
and we moved upon the enemy, observing, of
course, all proper precautions. To our surprise there were no returns of
our opening shots, and in a short time we discovered that tiie foe had de
camped , during the darkness, tak jng with them
their ammunition and arms, but leaving be
hind all their baggage, camp equipage and
rations. /
The retreating forces was one of the crack
Southern organizations, that early in the war
was composed of men of wealth, and they
were splendidly provided with everything that
*•;• money could purchase. These South Caro-
"' Una cadets had been obliged to leave behind
them a profusion of luxurious appointmgs,
fine clothing, dainties in food and liquors,
royal cigars, canned fruits and meats, every
thing in fact that two years later thp poor,
gaUant feUows, and all belonging to them had
almost forgotten the use or taste of.
The letters we found from the sweethearts,
wives and families to those who were in the
field were one and all fiUed with expressions
and sentiments of such devotion to " The
picket — not pic-nic. Cause," that it was easy tb understand the
influences wliich so intensely " fired the Southern heart."

66

CHAPTER XV,
of battles, bullets, bayonets and blood.
Our regiment's next station was at Beverly, Va. ; from there we moved
to HutchinviUe and then to Elkwater, where our duty was mostly march
ing back and forth to Cheat Momitain, though there were smaU skirmishes
constantly occurring to keep one's blood from stagnating.
At HutchinviUe I was taken ill with what seemed to me a compUca-
tion and conglomeration of all the diseases incident to camp life, arid all
the ills that flesh is heir toisrand on the face of the earth I don't think at that
time, there was a more miserable poor fellow than myself.
I was blessed with a good hearted comrade, named Frank McCoy; he
went out one day and rooted around until he gathered a double handful of
boneset and made it into the strongest tea possible ; I* put in my whole
week's ration of sugar to sweeten it, but it ' stUl was Strong ' and bitter
enough to raise a blister on a side of sole leather, and I drank it.
Shortly after I had put the terrible concoction inside of me, the long
roll was sounded in our camp, the rattle of small arms was heard at the
front, and it was evident that a very brisk little fight was gomg on.
. I was sure, two seconds before hearing all this, that I could not have
moved a yard to save me, but when these sounds saluted my ears, I seized
my musket, and dragged myself or crawled over the srround to where our
line was formed. The excitement, exertion, or boneset, or aU three oi
them, threw me into a profuse perspiration, and restored the healthy action
of my system so that in three or four days I reported as fit for duty.
The summer campaign was rather lacking in stirring incidents,, but
during October we were started out to Hollow Fork to gun for guerriUas.
By orders we were supplied with three days' rations, but as we were out
just three times three days, jn a country where there was little or notlung
to forage, we were very nearly starved ; we did get some corn meal, which
we made into mush, but as we had no salt, it was very poor grub indeed.
At one time I thought I had Struck a bonanza ; at an old man's house
was discovered a hidden barrel of bear
meat, and the boys made short work of it ;
I started for my share among the last and
had secured a good big piece, when ojsfr cap
tain, who had heard of the proceedings,
made his appearance. He put his pistol
almost m my face and told me that if I
didn't drop that bear meat, he'd drop me ;
he would have done it in a moment, and I
knew it. I dropped the meat.
By the time we returned to camp from
that scout, the miserable, shoddy leather
shoes furnished the soldiers, were worn
3ompletely off the feet of myself and many
others, and we marched over miles and
miles of rough, frozen and snow covered
roads, leaving the blood tracks of

our

DROP IT.
naked, cut and bruised feet to mark our trail.
We were next ordered to cut logs and build huts in preparation 'for

67

going into winter quarters. Hardly had we coinpleted our rough houses
when we were marched off to Beverly, from whence, on December 11th,
there started a battalion composed of ten men from each- company of four
regiments to make an attack on a body of the enemy, entrenched on the
summit of the Allegheny mountains, fifty miles distant. In the detach
ment from my regiment I had the honor to be one. v
We reached the stronghold of the foe on the 13th, and at once engaged
them. For three hours our force fought desperately and did all that men
could do to win, but our opponents held an impregnable position, and after
we had lost nearly one hundred and fifty men, our lines began to weaken,
and when the frefeh and brave Johnnies charged out from behind their
works and " went for us " with a will, our boys became the most demor-
aUzed crowd I ever got into, and every feUow at once started to the rear
"to reorganize."
The retreat at the first start of it took the form of a scattering foot
race, every man for himself, etc. etc., and as for my part in the procession
afte^r it turned tail I run. I had stood up
to my work and fought like a man while
all the others did, but when the panic set
in, I caught the complaint bad, and when
the movement to the rear began to assume
the nature of a foot race I made up my
mind, all of it, apd in a hurry ; that I
was going to come out ahead if trying
would do it, and1 1 ran as I never had be-
\ fore until I arrived at Beverly.
It had taken 27 hours for our com
mand to reach the fighting ground ; I
made the return trip "double quick" in
less than half that time. If unable to
boast of my great achievement in battle
on that occasion I can at least brag of
my record in the go-as-you-please foot
race that followed.
In a short time after this inglorious affair we were moved to Cum
berland, as railroad guards on tlie Baltimore and Ohio line, and several
iollv Uttle skirmishes served to keep us alive and active, especiaUy one at
Sir John's Run. The opening of 1862,_found us encamped at Pawpaw
Tunnel, under command of 'General F. W. Lander, who there died on
March 2d, very suddenly, while preparing to resist a midnight attack on
our station ; a true patriot and gallant a soldier as ever fought for the
flag was this noble man.
General James Shields then took command and under the veteran of
Mexteo's fame, we took part in the.flght at Winchester, which commenced
on the evening of March 22d, when we repulsed a force of the enemy un-
d6r We^re busy all that night with preparations for the contest, sure to
come in the morning. Very early on the 23d, a small Confederate force
anuPared before us ; it was evident that the Johnnies were "laying low,"
but our artiUery opening upon their position soon unmasked them ; out

TO THE REAR-
ORGANIZE.

TO RE-

they came and a square fight, of the hammer and tongs order ensued, dur
ing which, by an attack on the left flank of the enemy we got them where
we wanted them for a general attack, which was made at five odocKin
the afternoon with great success, we capturmg guns, small ^ arms and
prisoners in large lots. General Shields was wounded in the arm and we
lost many men, the 81st and 110th Pennsylvania regiments catching it .par
ticularly hot. I was detailed with a party after the fight to hunt up and
carry off the field the wounded men ; our colonel was with us tor a time,
and as we were moving about, some poor chap cried out that he had ms
leg broken, to come and help him, to which appeal the colonel replied :
" Shut up your noise over a little thing Uke that, here's a poor feUow
with the whole top of his head off, and he don't utter a groan."
The morning after our battle we marched to New Market, where we
captured many stragglers. Then followed a season of activity ; marching
over Luray Valley to Port Royal and other places, picket duty and smaU
engagements. One day I crossed (the Luray river with a portion of my company, to
1 ' feel .the enemy. ' ' Instead of waiting for us, they came before we expected
them and made us feel them in a manner decidedly unpleasant. By some
blunder our party was caught between cross-fires and a scratch gravel
change of base was the only way out of the fix. I ran away again, as fast
and far as I could, being brought tb a1 dead halt by reaching the banks of.
a river. I had then the choice of dying by water through drowning, or
giving up the ghost through fire of the pursuing enemy. But I did not
desire to die at aU. <
Fortune sent me a preserver in the shape of a badly scared cavaby
man who was urging his horse to the utmost. I begged his aid and he
took charge of my musket while
I seized hold of the horse's taU
and was towed thrpugh the
stream to safety on the opposite
side. I have noted this incident
as it gives me opportunity to re
mark that it was my most (horse)
hair-breadth escape of the war.
We were taken by raU to
Alexandria, and there took trans
ports to Harrison's Landing,
where we arrived July 2d, just
in time to cover the retreat of
A (horse) hair breadth escape. McClellan from'Malvern Hill.
At Harrison's Landing, little was done but parade, drill and buUd
fortifications. It was while stationed here that, one day bn picket duty, I
blundered in attempting to jump over a ditch, and fell inside instead, sus
taining an injury (Hernia), which proved most serious in its results.
I was treated in camp and afterwards sent to Hampton Hospital at
Fortress Monroe, where I remained until, after due inspection and inves
tigation, I was pronounced by the U. S. Medical Authorities to be incura
ble, and was therefor honorably discharged* from the military service in
October, 1862— another singular coincidence, all my U. S. discharges hav
ing been given in that month of the year.

CHAPTER XVI.
TO DENMARK AND BACK.
Durmg all my soldier life, I had, from time to time, sent to my good
friend and former employer, Mr. Stuart, a portion of my pay, and he now
held in trust for me the stun of sixty dollars.
' I felt a strong inclination to start for BlankviUe at once, bright-eyed
Miss Maggie being the most powerful magnet in that direction; for not
only did pleasant recoUections of the past continually enter my mind, but
there was the tempting future to contemplate, and distance lent additional
enchantment to the view ; I longed to learn if the hopes I fondly cherished
could ever arrive at happy fruition.
But I well knew that, with the smaU amount of money at my com
mand, I could do nothing as a farmer, unless I again engaged as a laborer,
and this did not suit my ideas ; I was becoming more ambitious in regard
to situation in life, so I restramed my powerful desire to take the first train
for Indiana, and resolved to obey an equally ardent impulse which I had
long been trying to keep under control.
The truth of the matter was, for months I had been under a fit of the
"homesicks " ; for years, ever since I had left my mother, I had earnestly
longed to once more see her, though my circumstances had never been, for
any extended time, sufficiently prosperous to warrant me in acting in
accordance with the promptings of my heart. I felt now as though I had
earned the right to enjoy a rest and holiday, and I decided to go back to
Denmark and astonish my mother, brothers and sisters.
Having positively resolved upon the trip, I next formed myself into a
commititee of the whole on Ways and means. I wished to save every cent
that I could, in order that I might make, some show of means, Uberality
and responsibility before and with my family and acquaintances. Not to
^pend a single unnecessary cent was my great object until my arrival in my
native land, and I resorted to every honorable expedient to save the
pennies. At Buffalo, as I was returning from the army,
I met a party of drovers and by assisting them in
taking care of their cattle, I earned a free passage
to New York. In that city I equipped myself
ifor the proposed journey, purchasing a good out-
J fit of well made clothing in Broadway.
A silver watch also I bought on the Bowery,
from a gentleman whose features very plainly in
dicated his religious beUef, and wbose profuse
recommendations of the excellence of the "ticker"
were fully born out in its subsequent performances.
I was determined that my mother and others
should see that the " stupid dunder head " of the
family did not return, after his many years of
wandering in the fashion and fix of the Biblical
Prodigal Son. Even though I had been brought
rnighty low down in my time, and even very glad
at one time to sleep with a pig, I was not fool -
" dot peudivul enough to return with the husks and the waUow
VOTCH. ' ' clinging to me and go grunting about to prove the

70

; would come to be

truth of the old gossips who had once vowed that I
T-i or*. (TPrl ' ' "~~ _
In planning or seeking economical methods of transportation, I was
fortunate enough to discover that by serving as dish-washer or scullion
on board a Hamburg steamer 1 could obtain a free passage across. I
applied for and obtained such asituation and made the trip m that capacity
The vessel touched at several points before reaching Hamburg and I
was anxious to leave it at a point from which I could most quickly reach
those/from whom I had been so long parted. I was told that if I quitted

much liked to have had the money, yet _
not restrain my impatience, so I went ashore at the quarantine stoppage
and made quick time for my old home, thus sacrificing my wages. And
soon I wished I had curbed my desires and taken in the cash. _
At last I was at my mother's ; neither she nor my brothers recognized
me, but a few words and mom
ents cleared away all the clouds
that years had formed before
their eyes and my welcome was
as hearty as the most exacting
affection could desire.
I was given the freedom of
the town in a social sense, and
I did not spare the contents of
my purse in returniftg trie hos
pitality showered upon me by
my family, friends and neigh
bors. Everybody now protested
that they had always seen " the
making of a fine and successful
man in me.'; In fact, I was
rathe* too profuse cin expendi-
" don't you know me?" ture, and, as I saw my cash
melting away like snow before a summer sun, I said unto myself, in choice
American slang, " My son, its time for you to git up and git."
To save the humiliation of confessing that I had exhausted my means,
I made excuse that my permit to remam in the country would soon expire;
this was the truth, but not the whole truth. I had left but one $5 bill ; it
would take aU of ttiat to land me in Hamburg, and once there I would be
obliged to trust to luck to obtain passage back to the United States.
Bidding a most affectionate farewell to relatives and friends, I started
forward to meet and grapple with my troubles. When I reached Hamburg,
I made my home at a very second rate boarding house and most diligently
sought to ship on some vessel and earn my passage over the Atlantic. But
my earnest efforts met with no success, and I was very soon destitute.
While studying to find a way out of my difficulties, I suddenly remem
bered the great admiration my eldest brother had expressed of my watch.
I could think of no other way to extricate myself but by sacrificing my,
pride and the " ticker " at the same time, so I wrote to brother, confessed
my poverty, and told him that if he would send me money equivalent to

7.1

$7.50 of Uncle Sana's cash, I would forward him the time-piece by mail.
He complied with iriy request, and I purchased with his remittance a ticket
on a steamer to South Hampton, England, which was as far as the amount
would pay my way.
I had taken this action in the hope that Providence or luck would
assist me at South Hampton, in finding some means of getting to America.
Before we reached m(y stopping point, I heard that one of the coal heavers
on the vessel had been so crippled as to be incapacitated for work so I at
once made application and was installed in his place, being thus enabled to
. keep on with my journey. v
With the hardest kind of hard labor I paid for piy transportation in
that ship, for she had been injured by collision with icebergs on the coast
of New Foundland, and was in a very leaky condition ; so leaky, that we
who had to shovel coal were obliged to stand over knee deep in foul smeU-
ing, slimy, black bilge water aU the time we were at work:
Through fire and water we contrived to make our way safely, and in
March, 1863, 1 agam landed in New York so completely "dead broke,"
that I was forced to sell my pocket comb to
an American citizen of African descent (who
had no earthly use for it, in his black wool),
for the small sum of three cents wherewith
to pay my passage on the ferry boat over into
New Jersey.
Once in the State of sand and mosquitoes
I made a bee line for the plank road that
leads to Newark and took up my march in
that direction. The only person who re
sponded to' my appeals for work and food was
a market gardener who offered me a chance
to gain plenty of the former and little of the
latter, and with him I engaged.
By this time my clothing was in a most
dilapidated condition, the wmd went whistling
through every portion of my tattered raiment
as freely as water will run through a sieve ;
the blighting March breezes played hide and
seek in and under my fluttering rags and
mighty hard UP. seemed to blow through and through and
freeze my flesh, blood, bones and marrow.
Verily, it was a cool reception I met on returning to the land of my
adoption.

72
CHAPTER XVII.
more variations on the old tune.
I had tried to sustain with dignity my character as a " self-made
man " durmg my visit to Denmark, now I found myself a self -unmade in
dividual in the land of liberty, equality and fraternity, where "bne man's
as good as another, and often a deal better ; " where " any smart young
feUow must get along and grow rich ; " aU of which facts or fictions I had
spouted out and insisted upon to my Danish audiences, when, well clothed,
with money to spend, a watch chain to play with, I had posed as an illus
tration of the prosperity which could be acquired by "any smart young
feUow " in the great and glorious Star Spangled Union.
Here I "now was, in land of the free and home of the brave, on an
equality with vagrants of the lowest class, toUing, hard as ever did any
black slave; with half clothed shivering anatomy and toU racked bones on a
Jersey truck patch, j ust keeping body and life together on the crumbs that fell
from the miserly table of my master; Lazarus was a mUUonairein compar
ison to me. This was the role I was now filling after a brilUant starring
tour abroad.
My work on the truck patch was to dig out of the frozen ground the
root vegetables, carrots, etc., etc., to wash them inicy water, and get them
ready for city market. The generous master had furnished me a blanket
about as thick, warm and holy as a fish net, and I was kindly permitted to
sleep in the barn along with the other half fed animals.
In this man's service I slaved and starved, froze, and famished for
seven days ; then I could stand it no longer ; I could certainly do'no worse
and would very likely do much better out on the tramp, and out on the
tramp I determined to go. When I informed the root grubber of my in
tended departure, he only remarked that "it's aU right, you ain't no 'count
anyway," and he took advantage of my voluntary retirement by refusing
to pay me any wages, claiming that I had contracted- to stay a month.
Once more on the road without a cent, the necessity was forced upon
me of resorting to my old tactics as a tramp, and well did these serve me
at my first call upon them. I made application at a house for dinner, and
was shortly told that they had ho food cooked and were not likely to have
for an indefinite period. But I was very, very hollow inside, and so I
thought I would try and see what blarney would do to furnish up my
empty bread basket.

• never i

¦ Oh, miss ! " said I, to the sour-faced vixen who was turning away
er mind the grub, I'U worry along somehow, but do just let me. tell
your fortune, I see it, in your bright eyes and pretty face. I can tell any
one's fortunp the moment I see them, it's a natural gift I have mv familv
is all that Way." "' ' J
' ' Oh, you get out ! " said she, stopping and decidedly moUfied ' ' I don't
believe in no sich nonsense. " ¦ '
" Now just look here, my dear young lady," put in I, quicklv "listen
to me for just three minutes, and then if you don't own up that I'm a hocus
pocus, seventh son of a seventh son, you can call the dog and I'U let him
makeaUght lunch on what little meat there is left on mv bones ^
mother was a real genuine gypsy queen right from Egypt, and each of hZ
children has to travel and beg food for seven years before the? are giveri

73

the

their f ortmie ; my pilgrimage will be over next month, and if I don't starve
to death before then, I will be worth milUons."
" Oh, git out ! " agam said the woman, though evidently puzzled and
curious, " -what do I care for all your stuff and gibberish ! "
"Just wait one moment, Miss, just one moment! " I exclaimed, and
partly^closing my, eyes and motioning with my hands, I slowly muttered:
"I see, I see, a young man with dark hah*,
and a pretty girl ; why, it's you ; and there
is a church, and a minister waiting for a wed
ding, and, there is something — a woman —
comes in between the girl and the man— now
she comes on and now .she goes off — I never
can see futures well in the open air — I could
see her face plain if I was in a room."
All this time I was slyly watching the.
fooUsh face and could see that I had struck on
something so near the truth that it would pass
muster for that article, so I opened my eyes
and returned her stare of amazement with a
look of confidence.
"Hdw's that?" I asked, " Aint that
getting the seventh son business down pretty
fine?" "Why, why ; how did you know ? " she
slowly said, and then, "come round to the
kitchen door."
I went around to and in through the kitchen door ; with that
female I "made myself solid," and Irevictualed my stowage compartment
until I could pack away no more, then I departed promising to see her
later and to reveal aU the future had in store for her.
I havn't been back yet, though.
That night was a fearfully stormy time ; in the words of the poet,
"fust it blew, an' then it snew, an' then begun to friz," and I struck for
the railroad track, jumped the first freight train that came along, fortu
nately escaped detection as I clung, cold, wet and miserable, huddled up
on the bumper between two cars, until I was carried to Camden, N. J.
I had left from my European trip a pOcket
knife that cott two shillings; this I sold for a few
peniies and paid my ferriage over to Philadelphia,
' there I went at once to the good friend, Gottleib,
who had before received me, when in an equally
bad fix, and he again gave me warm welcome, feed-
' ing and lodging me gratis. As he knew it would
j be impossible for me to obtain employment in the
I scare-crow condition of my clothing, the whole of
i which would hardly have made a wad for a big gun,
j he fixed me up decently in attire, and for fourteen
days I hunted in every quarter of that eity for
work and wagesX
the "trotter Fearing that even if I did not wear out my
cases." welcome I would be too much of a tax upon the

'seventh son"
business.

74

limited means of my generous friend, I told him that it was useless to re
main in Philadelphia, and if he would furnish me a pair of shoes I woidd
once more try fortune in the West. He promptly provided the " trotter
cases ""and I started off .
After seven days' travel, I brought up again in Blankville, Blanklin
Co., Indiana. My reception by the Stuart family was as kind as I could
wish, though my heart was saddened by the very evident change plainly
noticeable in the manner my cherished one re
sponded my demonstrations. I had pursuaded
myself that I had a very strong hold upon her
affections, but it was soon made perfectly clear,
most unmistakably certain to my very unwill
ing mind that no trace of tenderness for me
now existed in her heart, while a good stout
lump of the same was there for somebody else.
I soon fell into the old routine about the
place of Mr. Stuart, and turned my hand to a
multitude of odd jobs ; but the keen, constant
interest hi everything I said or did, which had
been manifested by the family when. I pre-
, viously lived there, was now wanting ; during
r my absence other persons and affairs had re
placed me in the front rank of their life, and
"where Are now the wlule they were as kind and pleasant as it was
hopes i cherished ? " possible to be, yet there was that wanting with
out which it was no home of contentment for me.
In a few days, I told the Stuart family that I should go to Chicago and
try to obtain work there, so with many good wishes from all, I started for
that city, and on arrival started out after employment, meetmg with no
sue/Sess, being rejected on account of my disability, when I tried to re-'eh-
liro in the army, and getting very hard up.
Hardly expecting to succeed, I presented myself as a recruit for the
riaval service. Of course the injury wliich caused my discharge and kept
me out from the army was discovered when examined by the medical offi
cer, but when he reported the fact to the shipping master, a veteran cap
tain, that good natured soul said, " Oh, pass him anyhow, he's an old salt
and worth a dozen green horns." So' I passed and once more wore! the
navy blue. This time I was destined to
be a fresh water sailor. With a
squad of other tars, I was sent
to Cairo, 111., and put on the
gun boat Conestoga, Thomas
Self ridge, commander, but on/
this vessel I remained for. a very
short time, being transferred to
7 gun boat No. 13, Fort Hine- ¦
man, Captain Pierce.
It was not long before I was
the captain, gun, and crew. made captain of a gun, and

75

awarded other positions as rewards of merit, which I filled creditably and
retamed until, in an unlucky moment, it was discovered that I was an
artist in the culinary preparation of beans ; that I could cook beans with
out burning them. What sad memories were recaUed as I reflected upon
the miseries through which I passed whUe acquiring such skill.
I was promoted from captain of a gun to be assistant cook, and my
great talents were so evident and so highly appreciated that, in a little
m while I was made chief of the galley, with the ex-
stra pay and aU, aUowances, privileges, etc., to
j wliich that important functionary is through law
| and custom fully entitled.
The duty of our vessel was to act as picket
I guard along the Mississippi, and take our share in
j such general fighting as we could pick up.
We were at Vicksburg on that memorable
4th of July, When General U. S. Grant gobbled
Pemberton and his arrny, and the next day we lay
off Port Hudson, while a like ceremony was being
3HL enacted within its line of fortifications.
At Ellis' Cliff below Natchez, Miss., we took
a turn at river guard duty, and then our boat
formed part of the equipment of General N. P.
H Banks when, in his unfortunate Red River expe-
~v dition, he acted as quartermaster for the Conf ed-
jerate forces in that section, by aUowing them to
"^SM. "=11 scoop up all the army and private supplies and
<-^S^i^^i|§| t=!§| baggage of his division.
We were one of the fleet of Admiral Porter,
' at Alexandria, La., when the Rebs tried to leave
our boats stuck in the mud by drawmg the water
from the river. The practical knowledge and skUl of a western ex-lumber
man, Lieut. Col. Bailey, acting engineer of the 19th army corps, enabled
us to escape by the construction of a dam, such as is used to "boom " logs
through the western rivers, and through such means saved the entire fleet.
During this time we had many fights with the enemy posted behmd
shore batteries. One of these engagements was a decidedly hot affair, and
we were raked and riddled in a most effective manner. This was near
Fort De Russy; we had on
board our craft beside our own
men, the crew of the gun boat
Eastport, which had ' been
sunk by a torpedo, and of the
combined crews in the fight men-
-tioned, over fifty were kUled and
a large number wounded.
At the gun over which I
served as captain, a Parrot can
non of the largest size, there
were eleven men killed out of the
twenty-two who manned it.
The Seek had to be continuaUy

promoted.

hot work at fort de russy.

76
fresh sanded, so slippery did it become from the excessive and constant
flow of blood. The boilers and machinery of the boat had cotton bales
pUed around for protection, but the hot fire soon ignited this, and we
were obliged to throw it overboard ; our vessel was hulled thirteen times
by cannon balls, peppered completely by musket shots and so crippled, that
we were forced to withdraw from action ahd make our way slowly, like a
big floating hearse, to Alexandria.
I stiU retain a most vivid recoUection of that fight.

, CHAPTER XVIII.
NEW TRAILS, TRIALS AND TRIBULATIONS.
While in the section referred to in the last chapter, we captured in a
Bayou'two Confederate steamboats, loaded with several thousand bales of
cotton, a commodity then worth a high price in our own and the English
markets. These prizes made our hearts jubilant, all hands and the cook bemg
busy figuring up the probable amount of prize money they would receive,
and the fun they would have in spending it.
But there is a saytog in the navy that prize money is strained, for its
distribution, through a ladder ; that the officers get all dropping through,
and Jack receives only what lodges on the rounds. My share of our rich
booty was exactly fifteen dollars ; there may have been more due and
assigned me, but that Is the entire sum I received from the agent who col
lected my claim.
On the eighth day of July, 1864 ; after serving bne year and eight days,
I was agam honorably discharged from the naval service, and took passage
up the river for Cano, IU.
On the way, our boat was fired into by a party v0f guerrillas on the
shore, a favorite practice of those outlaws. It might be supposed that I,
having "been through the mill," in both army and navy, was calmly
indifferent to these demonstrations. Nothing Of the kind ; I argued to
myself that,- being now out of service, if I got killed it would be of no
benefit to the country or myself ; if I was wounded, I would not be pen
sioned and the doctor's bill would come out of my pocket, and so I hunted
the spot on that boat where in my judgment a buUet was least likely to find
its way, and there I stowed myself and kept so stowed untU aU danger was
passed. The barbarous habit of firing on unarmed boats was kept on this river
until the gangs poured a VoUey into tiie little steamer Mittee Stevens,
when she was going to Red River with a lot of captured Confederate
officers to be exchanged ; there were a number of these killed, and then
active measures were taken to put a stop to the murderous proceeding.
At Cairo I was paid off, and with several hundred dollars in hand I
proceeded to New York, where I purchased a steerage passage in a steamer
for Aspinwall, paying therefore two hundred dollars, my objective point
being San Francisco, California.
Upon arrival at AspinwaU, with others I started across the Isthmus of
Panama halting on our way at Acapulco, so that we did not reach San
Francisco until August 4th, 1864.
After unsuccessful search for employment in the city, I found work at
the salt works, near Mount Eaton, thirty miles up the bay from 'Frisco,
i. and here I did well so long as I stuck to work I could do and made no
attempt to brancfuout.
But one day the old luck instigated me to try my hand at taking the
place of engineer, to run a Uttle dummy engine used to haul trucks loaded
with salt over a wooden raUroad. I brought the machine to a halt by put
ting too heavy a load on the cars, then in starting again I managed to get
my left foot under the wheels, which passed directly over and left it mashed
flat as a pancake, and that settled my business completely.

78

There was neither comfortable accommodations or medical attendance
to be obtained at the Salt Mines, so the next day I was bundled into the
stage and taken back to San Francisco, wliere,
boarding being expensive, and the doctors'
charges high, my cash account soon began to
present a most discouraged and weary aspect,
and in a spirit of self-preservation, I hobbled
to its portals in search of comfort and admis
sion in the City Hospital, where I was re
ceived and remained until cured.
It was the old, old story repeated^ when
once again I could use my feet, and use- them
I did, tramping through the streets hunting
for work and finding none.
After many days of ill success, I at last
found a boss, a rather " off -color " man and
brother he was, and his occupation was the
manufacture of soap.
John Dyer had no prejudice against me
because I was about ten shades whiter in skin
than himself; he considered "a white man
was just as good as a nigger, so long as he
behaved himself decent," and he gave me
work at which I Stuck and (excuse the word)
crippled in foot and stunk for about two months."
finances. A combined attack of the rambling and
the war fevers then took hold of my brain and bones, the large bounties
offered to aU men who would join the Second California regmient, then
being organized, tended to greatly
aggravate the disease, and finally con
triving to pass muster without rejec
tion by the surgeon, I buttoned for
the second time about my body the
, blue and brass and came to a ' 'shoulder
arms." For nine months om- command
'lay in Presidio, near Fort Point;
while there we received the news of
the assassination of President Lincoln,
our feelings when told of this horror
| can be easily imagined.
The first move of the regiment.
J was to Wilmington, about twenty
miles from Los Angeles, near Drum
Barracks, then ov-ji* the great sandy -
an " off-color " boss. desert, we marched to Fort Yuma,
stopping for a few days of rest in the bottom lands of Colorado, under the
shadow of the HU1 of Fort Yuma.
Then away again along the Gila River and through the rocky desert
to and past Oatman's Flat, the bloody spot where an unfortunate family
of that name were inhumanly tortured and butchered by the Indians.

79

Off again, over and through the great 56 miles of desert plain, desti
tute of everything but mesquite trees, cactus, tarantulas and rattlesnakes ;
marching ever on, no resting place of grateful shade to cheer us, toUing over
mile after mile to Maricopa Wells, and then one more day's tramping
brought us to Whilesville.
- This last named place is also known as Pima Village, and is a town.
mhabited by the Acabulta Tribe of Indians, who still retain the primitive
manners and customs of their forefathers, but cultivate the sori and carry
the wheat they raise to the mill.
One unalterable Mede and Persian law exists among this people ; any
departure from chastity by a female of that tribe is punished' with death;
they keep a keen and continual watch, and the penalty invariably quickly
foUows detection.
A striking illustration that Indian savageness was by no means crushed
out or subdued in this tribe, was
afforded us by the sight of a dried body
of an Apache warrior, which was
hanging to or swinging from the limb
Of a tree, and was kept there to serve
as a target and aid to the aboriginal
schoolmaster hi teaching the young
Lijun idea how to shoot. Jibe dessi-
cated subject seemed to have served, a
long term in his then position, or the
I arrow proficiency of the young redskins
was wonderfully good, for the carcass
of that warrior fairly bristled with
barbs, sticking out at all points, in all
directions, like "quills upon a fretful
porcupine." Continuing our march we arrived
Sat Fort Breckenridge, now Camp
' Grant, where we bunt, huts, and there
was established our headquarters.
From Camp Grant we were sent
| out on several expeditions against
marauding Indians ; a notable though
' short campaign of this, kind being that
 of the ascent pf the Arrow Wiper
A subject full of fine points. Cany on, on which occasion our Colonel,
George Wright, was guilty of, or attempted to execute an atrocity, which
was a disgrace tb civilization and an outrage on humanity.
When we came within sight of the Indians for whom we were hunting
our commanding officer ordered a white flag, a flag of truce, to be displayed,
and the pursued people Waited our coming in perfect confidence of their
safetv for even an Indian understands and respects that signal of peace.
As we moved up, the Colonel divided and disposed of his force in such a
manner as would, or he thought it would entirely surround the poor crea-
. tures and cut off every means of escape, and then to the astonishment of
every human being on -both sides, he gave orders for immediate and rapid
firing.

80
As soldiers, we were bound to obey orders, and we blazed away. The
Indians disappeared as though the ground had swallowed them up; where
they went, or how much they
suffered from our firing I know
not, but I do know that neither I
or any of my comrades ever saw ;
a dead Indian out of that lot,
and if any of my own shots
killed one of them, he must
have been high up in the air,
for in that direction were
all my buUets sent, and I be
lieve every man of the party
acted in the same way.
Our entire rank and file
were excited and indignant at
the inhuman and unsoldierly
act of the Colonel, and many
of our men paid a terrible priee
high aims. in return for his treachery, an
invisible foe hung upon our flanks -day and «dght, dropping our boys right
and left. Woe to any poor feUow who straggled from our Une, he was
caught and tortured to death with aU the refine
ment of savage cruelty, and the remains of his
horribly mutUated body left as a warning to
others. For the blood of every man thus slam,
Colonel Wright was directly responsible.
On our return to camp from this iU-fated
scout, my irrepressible propensity to get myself
into trouble, caused me to inaugurate a private
war of my own, which resulted in my back having
to suffer for the offences of my tongue.
We had been Uving on short rations for con
siderable time, owing to much of the meat being
so spoiled as to be unfit for consumption. Now
officers receive money in Ueu of the ration fur-
- nished the men, and they should and are in honor
bound to subsist on provisions bought by them
selves, but our Captain, Chauncy Fairchild by
name, but fair in no other particle, made it a
Indian vengeance, habit to take his suppUes from those issued to the
soldiers. To feed one man out of stores intended for fifty, takes a very small
amount from each one of that party, but it is a very small business for an
officer to engage in, and I was bound to protest against it, so I opened my
mouth, and in language more plain than polite,more expressive than elegant,
I gave vent to my opinion in regard to the Captain's meanness and dis
honesty ; and all that I said. was duly and fully reported to him by one of
his todies. Very promptly and pointedly were charges and specifications made out
agamst me. A court martial was convened, and in less than no time a

81

verdict of" Guilty " as to " conduct prejudicial to good order and military
aihoipune was recorded against my name. The sentence condemned me
to thirty days' hard labor
about the camp, and con
finement at night in the
guard house, where there
were two filthy Indian
- prisoners who were very
much alive — also their blan
kets. My condemnation was
. duly carried out and served
through, the dignity of my
superior officer was upheld,
companions in misery. discipline properly incul
cated, outraged regulations vindicated, and the Captain aUowed without
hindrance to steal the rations of his men.

CHAPTER XIX.
OUT OF THE BLUE AND INTO BUSINESS.
Soon after I had served my sentence and been restored to duty, the
regiment was relieved from duty at that post by the 14th United States
Infantry, one of the new regiments of " Regulars " raised by Act of Con
gress after the war.
The 14th United States Infantry was at that time, without exception,
the most perfect coUection of thieves,
cowards, cut-throats, drunkards, gutter
snipes and "Whiskey Bums" of every
degree, that ever escaped universal and
well deserted hanging, and were aUowed,
for some all wise reason to infest the tops of
the earth. Their present assignment came
nearer to their proper sphere than any spot
could be found *mtil after their individual
deaths. Our own men were not, by any means,
a set of saints, but the very worst rip in our
command was a white robed angel of
heavenly grace, compared with the best
features from the FEAR-specimen that could have been selected
ful 14th. among the scum of scum of creation that
was gathered into the ranks of the 14th Regulars, and very gladly we
marched away from the most miserable locality that ever tormented poor
soldiers, and left behind us the meat for gallows of our army.
With only one or two deviations we followed the same route' as on our
outward march when returning to our former headquarters. I had an
, opportunity to learn something of the remarkable dryness of the atmosphere
and absence of ram which marks that section ; after leaving that place I
missed from my kit a large knife which I -had just before purchased ; on
our return there I hunted about the place where I had last been using it,

82
and I discovered it sticking just where I had left it, without a stain of rust
or soU upon it, bright as a new dollar.
When we arrived at Anaheim, twelve miles from Winnington, the men
of our regiment began to sell everything for which they could find a pur
chaser, then arms, the camp and garrison equipage, anything and every
thing that would bring in money was bartered for it and the proceeds
expended for rum, on which there was a big drunk of two days' duration,
in which I am happy to say, I in no way participated.
We reached Wilmington at last, and there embarked for San Fran
cisco, and reached that city in time to be mustered out on May 10th, 1866.
The sum total of my savings, bounty and final big pay reached about
$400, and I concluded to carry out an idea I had conceived ; to start off to
and through Oregon Territory on a peddling venture.
I had heard so much of the "web-foots " that I had an intense desire
to make a close acquaintance with, and as many dollars as possible off, the
good natured Oregonians.
With the firm of Tobias and Davidson I mvested over three-fourths of
my capital, buying cheap, glittering trinkets and ornaments, with about
an ounce of gold to a ton of brass, but manufactured, and of a character, to
find a ready sale among the class of people with whom I was about to come
in contact, then I bought a ticket for Portland city, and from there started
out to open my new campaign.
On my journey to Portland I made the acquaintance of a young doctor,
Slaghndote, I wiU here caU him ; and the intimacy I contracted with him
exercised a very considerable influence on my future Ufe, as wiU be seen
hereafter. '
The doctor and myself went to board at the same hotel, and as he most
assiduously cultivated my good opmion, and I had not the least suspicion of ,
nor did he allow me to see his true character, we were soon fast friends ;
and on my side, at least, the kindly feeling was sincere and entirely disin
terested. I had procured a box, specially made for easy carriage, and from
the trunk containing all my stock, I packed this with an assortment and
started off up the Willamet Valley in search of customers and profit.
My adventures on this trip were all of the most pleasant nature ; the
valley is a garden spot of the earth, well sprinkled with as pretty, lively,
healthy daughters of Mother Eve as can be found anywhere.
Most of the men folks being absent at the mines, it was something of
an event when there arrived in the midst of these jolly maidens a young
man who was willing, and whose business it was to natter them to the top
of their bent and make himself as agreeable as possible.
The contents of my box added to my owii attractions and f ascinations,
caused a flutter of excitement equal to the advent of a circus in a country
' town, the. glittering trinkets dazzled tlieir eyes, and the soft accents of
Danish-English blarney tickled their ears.
I could and did court a new girl every night, always of course in a
perfectly respectful way, the guardian mothers and fear of fathers and big
brothers with handy shot guns insuring that; and I lived in clover.' I
could have, arid I* might have done worse, selected from dozens who were
ready to enter into life partnership with me, and many times I was forced
to listen to Mam, when I would have far preferred "buzzing" Sis; while
the dame advised me that I should marry and settle down, and then pro-

S3

ceeded to dilate upon the many and manifold accomplishments, virtues and
housewifely fexceUences of the bright-eyed daughter. They would delicately
express their confidence in me,
hint how Sis was "took"
after me, what a fine, stout
handsome pair we would make ;
there was just such a spot
where, with a store, mill, of
tavern we could make our
everlasting fortune, Sis and
me, and continue in such
strain until I was aU blushes,
confusion and talk-tired.
The life I was now lead
ing was full of enjoyment for
me. I was passing through an
immense and beautiful garden,
meeting free spoken, bright
- handsome girls and sharpen
ing my wits, in which I had
learned, to put considerable
confidence, by friction with
aU kinds of antagonists. That
I sometimes met with keener
fascinations. ones I had several proofs. At
the city of Salem, bartermg with the dashing factory lasses, I was several
times the victim of "put up " jobs, and while one of the sparkUng little
rogues attracted my attention,
another would secure some coveted
article of my stock without troubling
me to name the price or make change
in payment. But such matters
could easily be put down to profit
and loss account, and the profit side
could stand it. But this is a digres
sion. At every farm house or com
fortable dwelling I offered and pushed
my goods with the persistence neces
sary to the successful prosecution of
my trade. The wares a peddler has
to dispose of are secondary considera
tions; cheek, gab and good nature
are the commodities he requires in
unlimited quantities, and I added to
my stock in that line each day of my
Ufe and experience.
By the female portion of the
profit and loss, community my coming was always

84

met with a hearty welcome, and the inspection, comparison, gossip and
purchasing, the latter invariably preceded by long, cunningly conducted
" jewing down " was a happy event and grand break in the monotony of
their Unvarymg routine lives, it bemg only by rare chance and through
travellers that they are ever afforded a chance to gam a glimpse of the outJ
side world.
The men of that region, I regret to state, did not appreciate my mis
sionary efforts for the introduction of refined adornments. When I did
happen to find them at home, there was lacking in their reception of 'myself
and pack, that outburst of "come in and sit down, "
which marked the greeting of the lady inhabitants.
Masculinity seemed to be more inclined to and
liberal in off ering, orders to vacate and bites from
ithe dog than with dollars and dimes. They, the
men, fully understood that if I once gamed hearing
of their wives and- daughters, and could for a
moment flash my glittering breast-pins, ear-rings
and bracelets before their eyes, away would go, in
my pockets, some considerable amount of their hard
earned cash.
The elderly and more settled ladies would some
times attempt to resist being led in temptation, and
"wanted notliing in my line to-day;" or warned me
to "pass on — no time to spare," they would say; but
a judicious administration of a dose of " taffy " and
the exhibition of my samples would, in nine cases
out of ten, result in examination, inclination to pur
chase, and finally, sale.
they had "no use" Good nature breeds good nature, and that
for ear-rings, "molasses catches more flies than vinegar," is a
truism that should be a point of cardinal doctrine with every young man
who wishes to make his way successfully through the world.
Politeness costs nothing, and generally pays large dividends on smaU
investments, is a fact that ought to be noted in the mental memorandum
of eveiy one.
But I am writing facts and history, not sermons, and it is time I
grappled with a new chapter in my Ufe as a peddler. T
CHAPTER XX.
the peculiarities and philosophy of peddling.
In pursuit of prosperity, in connection with my advocation as a ped
dler, I fashioned my manner and means much on the pattern of that
amusing old rascal, Autolycus, introduced by Shakespeare in his " Winter's
Tale." This similarity occurred without intention on my part or knowl
edge of my distinguished prototype ; but I had quickly discerned that the
average human would much rather trade with a merry hearted sinner than
a grim visaged, grum, 'scanty speeched saint. So I tried always to be in a
happy bumor.
" Here ! " I would say, "here are ribbons and threads, bright as your
eyes, strong and lasting as your affections; razors and knives, sharp as
your wits ; buttons, to hold you in ; and head dresses to set you off ¦ combs

85
that wUl work the ideas of new fixings for you into the heads of your hus
bands; brushes that pull out every gray hair from your curls; chains,
charms and rings that wiU dazzle all eyes so they can't see your freckles,
and lockets that will snap in and hold the hearts of your lovers." ,
Such was the burden of my song, and by the time I had gotten half
through it, and given my audience a peep in my box, all the females of the
family. Mam, Sis and Pussy, were busy, not at their proper and usual
work, but in overhauling my goods and dickering for such of them as took
their fancy ; and once started at buying they would see this, that and the
other article, the want of which they never before felt need, of, but now
were certain they could never be happy without, and the, to me, sweet buy
and buy would be kept up so long as they had a coin to spend.
How often in those days I realized the truth of the old adage that " a
fool and his money are soon parted ;" but as I was not the fool, apd the
money was coming to, not parting from me, I did nothing necessary to
remind my customers of the ancient proverb.
Spectacles were probably the most profitable articles in my stock; for
these there was a large and steady demand, and the manner in which I
worked off dozen after dozen, I here tell, not to instruct others in deceitful
practices, but as a warning to the short-sighted arid unsophisticated of im
paired vision, who 'require the information to protect them from further
imposition. The profit on one pair of " specs " would pay expenses for a whole day,
and I always worked hard to realize that amount from said source. The
more elderly men and women of that section, almost without exception,
used glasses; they were, most of them, never willing to admit that their
eye sight was faiUng, or their old pair not of suffi
cient magnifying power; it was "the glasses were
scratched," or "they never had suited," or some
other fault.
Most certainly did I join in with their abuse of
the pair then in possession; another pair more,
powerful would be produced from my box, prop
erly lectured over, and " sold agam, and got the
money," would be my joyful but inaudible song.
Occasionally I would find an individual who
asserted that he or she was perfectly satisfied and
admirably suited with the old eye aids, and needed
or would have no new ones. It was then no part
bf my plan to disparage the ancient stand-bys ; I
asked to see them, handled them with an air of
veneration, passed my finger over the surface of the
glasses (having first inserted the finger in my ear
and gathered upon it a light coating of waxy secre
tion), and so rendered them somewhat blurred or
_dim. I would then hand them baek without a
"word agamst them; but soon I asked the wearers,
as a favor and experiment, to try just for, a
A big "spec" in sPECS.moment, and simply as an illustration of the inven
tive and improving genius of the age; a glimpse through a pair of my "new
patent, back-action, triple-lens, corner-concave, gas magnifying, micro-

86

scopic multiplying, diamond polished, Cape of Gpod Hope pebble, Amster-,
dam cut, eye invigorating, intensify ing and regenerating spectacles. ' ' And
it was ten chances to one that I had the cash for the new pair, and at an
extra price too, in my pocket within five minutes.
Then I used to have three or four pairs stowed away down at the
bottom of my box; these I was "keepmg for " some local celebrity of high
repute, and I never appeared anxious to sell them, in fact I pretended to
be rather shy of, and sly about exhibiting or having them handled; but as
a "special favor" to the party then undergoing manipulation, I 'would
just show them " a pair of particularly fine glasses, extra gem-lens I was
taking to " the Judge or Minister or some other influential individual.
Of course these " special specs " were of high perfection and price, so
I stated, and it was a rarely self-sacrificing or strong minded person who,
having once tried them on, did not discover their wonderful superiority
over aU others, did not insist upon retaining them, and paying therefor a
price three times as great as that for which I could have obtained the exact
duplicates by taking any of those I had with me.
I will not, even in this truthful chronicle, "give away " what I paid
wholesale price for this most valuable portion of my trading outfit ; but the
profit on each pair, even if they brought but two dollars, (and they gener
ally sold for much more), was large, very large.
Great P. T. Barnum is credited with the saying, that "people of this
country love to be humbugged," and I am prepared to endorse the opinion
of that wise and successful showman.
The pair of spectacles for which I received five dollars, the man who
bought them would have refused to look at had I offered them at two
dollars or less, saying and thinking that
at such a low figure they must neces
sarily be good for nothing. When I
sold brass jewelry at fifty jCents a set, I
had hard1 work to get rid of it ; but
when I displayed the very same goods
as extra fine, latest style, quadruple
gilt, and added two dollars to their
price, they " went off Uke hot cakes,"
Nand every gh-1 who had earned, could
J, earn, or borrow, or coax from father,
mother, brother, husband or lover the
sum required, was hunting around for
me to take her money and furnish her
with the trash.
Such is life, and the deceitfulness'
of mankind ; especially peddlers.
In compliance with my rule " to be
all things to all men," my political
sentiments and religious convictions
were invariably stretched or contracted,
rounded off or smoothed out, to coin
cide exactly with those' of the party
with whom I was trading or stopping
for the time. 6

STUCK.

87

More than once I was placed in most embarrassing predicaments in
attempting to accommodate myself to circumstances, where I fit about as
compactly as a ' ' round man in a square hole. " *
1 had a tight squeeze with a Methodist minister, at whose house I
stopped over night, I had, of course, given him to understand that; I was a
devoted follower of John Wesley, and that evening he asked me to "lead
in prayer." I attempted to comply with- his request, but in very shame
my tongue refused utterance and my mind to frame ideas. I was "stuck,"
and finally told him that I only could, and always did offer up my prayers
in my native Danish — an explanation he seemed to consider decidedly thin.
He advised me to cultivate fluency in English for devotional purposes as
carefully and assiduously as I did for transactions in peddling.
Another time I sadly missed hitting it when, on arriving at a ferry I
found the " ferryman " was four buxom females. I reached the house on
the river bank just as they were departing, gorgeously arrayed for sorne
quilting or country dance, and congratulated myself upon arriving before
theyvleft. I entered into conversation with them, thinking that I might
make sales and defray ferry and other expenses, and in course of general
chatter I mentioned that I had served in the Union army during the war.
That.settled it, but not in the least to my satisfaction. The four female
ferryites 'flamed furiously forth
at once ; " they were Pike county,
Missouri women, they were! "
and rebels of the deepest dye, and
I was a "bloody Hessian,, who
had sold myself to the. Yankees
and aided in killing then: fathers,
husbands, brothers and lovers."
If I waited for them to take me
across the river I would mosl^
likely die of old age on that1 bank.
They grew warmer and warmer
until words failed to express their
opinion of me, and action took the
place of speech. They opened fire
four furious, females. - upon me with mud and rocks, and
I only escaped bodUy injury by putting my pick on my head and wading to
the opposite Shore.
But such unpleasant encounters were very few iri my Oregon experi
ences ; traveUing through that country is a succession of joys for every
sense; the soil is most fertile, bringing forth plenteous crops with the least
expenditure of /labor, refreshing rains are frequent, the climate is delightful
and mvigorating, the rivers teem with fish of choice varieties, and the hills
abound in game.
The indian inhabitants of that Territory are all well-behaved and on
reservations, controlled and fed by the government. I mingled much
among the red men, for whom my glistening trinkets possessed many
attractions, and in return for jewehy, knives, beads and knick-knacks gener
ally, I obtained many of the valuable furs which they know so well how to
prepare, on which I'* realized a profit over whieh I certamly never
complained.

88

CHAPTER XXI.
DOWN TO THE BOTTOM AGAIN.
I made three trips through Oregon, constantly increasing my capital
and popularity. .
Returning to Portland to replenish my travelling box from stock mmy
store trunk, I found that the landlord of the hotel where I always stopped,
and with whom I had left the trunk, had attached my property as security
for a debt of $200, due him from my quasi friend Dr. Slagimdote.
In answer to my indignant
demand to know what I, my trunk
or goods had to do with the debts
of anybody but myself, he replied
that I had endorsed or become
responsible for the account of that
individual. This I emphatically
denied,though I acknowledged that,
when the landlord once asked me,
" How about the Doctor ?", I had
carelessly replied, "Oh, he's all
right," or words to that effect.
This admission, in the legal
i=__ mind of the veritable Dogberry of .a
ig- Squire, before whom the case was
brought for trial, was considered to
the doctor's hotel bill. hold good as though I had given
written security for the honesty of Dr. S., and I was accordingly " let in "
fpr the amount.
I had engaged a " shyster " lawyer to conduct the defence on part of
myself and the doctor, but his services did more harm than good, and I
w-^s forced to hand him over as a fee, not only all that remained of my
stock of goods, but also two silver watches whereof I haH become possessed.
I learned later that a desire for revenge had caused the institution of
this suit, the doctor bemg the man against whom hatred was directed, for
not only had he contracted debts
wherever be could find anyone to
trust him, but he had also entered
and indulged in a career of de
bauchery which knew no Umit,
including among his victims the
young wife of the hotel keeper ;
some of the dr's work. the poor woman soon after becom
ing insane and dying by her own hand.
It was to retaliate in some measure upon this grand rascal that the
prosecution was entered, but I was made the sufferer. All these hidden
motives did not become known to me until much later, and just then, won
by his seeming sorrow and deceived by his lying explanations, feeling like
wise utterly broken down' and adrift in the world, with all my bright pros
pects and hopes completely blasted by undeserved punishment, I considered
him a brother in misfortune and I stuck to him.
By selling some of my personal property I managed to get money
enough to take the two of us to San Francisco, having hard work to

89
smuggle the doctor on board the steamer without the knowledge of those
who were gunning for him, but I contrived to give them the slip, and we
reached a new port safely.
The medical Jonah who had caused my financial and commercial ship
wreck, found in 'Frisco a partner worthy of him, one of the same craft and
craftiness, and together they openejd an office and sought for practice, whUe
I served them in every capacity in order to earn enough to keep from
starving. In return for the thirty or forty cents a day which they gave me, while
I frequented the hotels, depots, landings
and places of resort in search of steady
work, whenever I spied an honest miner,
emigrant or any one else who gave the
least evidences of suffering from shakes of
ague, snakes of whisky, or any other sick
ness, and with whom I had or made
acquaintance, I condoled with and advised
them as a friend the best course to pursue,
and if possible I would "run bifa in " as a
I patient to the medical partners, who were
1 really excellent physicians.
If my picked up patient yielded any
the doctor's drummer, money, I was aUowed a dollar or fraction
thereof for my share, as a commission.
That this was not a very high-toned course I am fully aware, and I
was very much ashamed to be thus engaged, but necessity knows no law
and acknowledges no moral obligations. I might have been at worse work,
it is true, and I ought to have been at much better.
I became more ancjl more disgusted with my miserable and degrading
manner of life, of gleanmg or scraping only starvation gains as a barker for
the poison mill of Slagimdote & Co. I slowly but surely gained an insight
into this mane's true character and whole course of proceedings.
My eyes were opened at last, and I could see what an easily blinded
fool I had been, how he had at the first, when I possessed money, merely
looked upon me as a poor dupe who could and would act as his banker, and
now finding me still a wnling victim of his wiles, he allowed me to serve as
his lackey. He owed me not only the amount of the hotel bill I had been forced
to pay, but for money borrowed on many occasions, cash spent for his
travelling and living expenses and pleasures ; fact is, he drained me by
every means in bis power without conscience or mercy. It was time for
me to "kick." .'
Fully realizing that I could never expect to recover a cent from him, I
resolved to make a desperate effort to regain at least a portion of my loss
by appealing to his father, and as a preliminary step to such action I dis
solved my connection with the medical institute of Slagimdote & Co.
I next hunted up the paternal Slagimdote, likewise an M. D., and
with all the eloquence that could be excited by outraged feelings, poverty
and despair 1 poured out to him the story of my wrongs, detailed the acts
of which his son had been guilty, avowed my innocence of any participation
in his ill deeds, my losses through him, and iny pressing necessities.

00

The consolation, advice, aid and comfort I received from this ancient
simier, of whom one might reverse the old adage and say ' like son, so
father, 'J was contained in the abrupt.
" Served you right 1 just right ! Any one but a born fool would have
seen at a glance that my son was a worthless rascal and common swindler.
I won't pay a cent for him or give a cent to him, I've done it before but
I'U never do it again, I'm done with him forever ! "
Under pretence of offering me what compensation he could for the misery
brought upon me by his son, but really, I believe, because he saw that he
could get more work out of me for less money than any one else he could
hire, the elder S. proposed that I come to live with him as a man of all
work, at thirty dollars per month wages.,
Badly in want of some place to call a home, I engaged with the old
man and at once entered upon his service. "Man of aU work " truly was
I, cook, errand boy, house servant, stable man, boot black, pUl maker, -
potion imixer, mUkmaid, chicken tender, companion and slave.
The senior M. D. was as detest
able in his miserly meanness as was
his son in his dishonesty and de
bauchery. The milk from the cows
he kept, he sold yet begrudged them
food to enable them to produce the'
fluid, and continually abused me for
supplying them with fodder sufficient
for tlieir subsistence. He would
senior slagimdote's STARVATiON*lave counted every grairi thrown out
stock. to the fowls, and yet he expected the
poor things to lay eggs.
The cows gave but little milk, and I used to supply our customers with
the unadulterated article, the small share the old man reserved for his own
use, I watered well when we ran short. I had my meals at the same table
with him, and every morning he indulged himself with two eggs, while I
was obliged to ration on bread and barley coffee, which latter he consid
ered far more healthy (and cheaper) than the genuine bean.
I didn't propose to starve though,
and as he swallowed his two* eggs and
pump milk at the table, I absorbed what
"hen fruit "and "cow juice" I con
sidered necessary for my health arid
strength, at the place of their production,
and thus managed to get, even ori the
grub question.
I stuck it out with this old screw
for some time, but finally we became in
volved in a wordy quarrel over some of
his petty meanness and I cut loose from
him. I must do him the justice to say
that he paid me every penny promised or
due me, and I never heard of him refus
ing to meet any contract he made. But
he was close, very close.

GETTING EVEN.

91
I hunted up my old kink-haired, dark cornplexioned, soap boiling friend
and former boss, and with him found work and " white man " treatment
which kept me busy at the fat tub until May, 1867, when I obtained em
ployment as laborer at the Mare Island Navy Yard, and continued there
for some time.
Next I shifted my body and talents to Benecia, and exercised both as
hostler in a livery stable attached to a hotel. Among those four-legged
Christians, the horses, I lived in a fair state of content, earning tlurty
dollars a month, until the periodical fit of restlessness again seized upon
me, and being unable to resist the pressure, I announced my intention
of moving on, or off, an idea that the land-lady of the hotel so violently
opposed that I had hard work to gam possession of my wages and make my
escape. To Annsdale I moved, and there obtained a job in a cement mill. At
this I worked steadily until the mill shut down, and then I was forced to
resume my travels. I drifted back to San Francisco, and for two weeks
remained m idleness, with the exception of two days, when I labored on
the water works near Fort Point.
This kind of business, or waiit of it, would never do; it was absolutely
necessary for me to hustle around and earn my grub. I hustled.

CHAPTER XXH.
PICKING UP A LITTLE.
It was now three years since I had first arrived in California ; I had
struggled hard to deserve good and fight agamst Ul fortune, toiled faithfully
for success, but found it not.
I was worse off, in everything but experience, than when I bad entered
thie State. The Coast line had not been a Golden Shore to me , the tides
in my affairs were many and all led on to fortune of the worst sort. The
necessity of w' hustlmg " was forced upon me by a stomach clamorous for
food and a body that sadly required re-clothing.
Certain that I could be no worse, and .any change being for the better,
calling up what of hope and courage I could, with just about a doUar to
live on, I started for Sacramento, intending to tramp ; but just then came
a season of cut rates, opposition, slaughtering tactics and fighting between
rival railroads, and I was able to buy a ticket for my destination for
twenty-five cents. " Its an ill wmd that blows nobody good," can truly
be said of the occasional bUzzards that howl between rival transporting
companies ; though the general public have to make up all losses in the
long run.
No more demand existing for my services in Sacramento, I "hoofed
it" to Cisco, ninety miles further inland, the termination at that time of
the Central Pacific Railroad, where much work was doing in the rock
cutting necessary for the extension of that line.
At this point I secured work as a laborer, and found myself a stranger
and novice among men who were professional experts at this kind of toil,
and also highly accomplished masters of the whole art of shirking duty and
loafing during work hours, when the'boss was not about ; they had reduced
the matter to a perfect science.
I always believed in doing what I had contracted to perform, so

92

plunged ahead, always anxious to do my level best, and keepmg up the,
steady blows of my heavy sledge upon the driU which my mate held and
directed, whether the overseer was
withm sight or not, much to the
disgust of my " pard," who with the
rest of the gang set me down as a
big fool in general, and he considered
me a confounded nuisance to himself
m particular. I was by no means surprised at
the character I gained in the estima
tion of my companions, for all my
/¦^¦Sasis unnecessary toil, as they considered
3^==f it, but I was certainly highly aston
ished at the result of this giving of
a fair day's labor for a fan* day's
wages. The boss of our section, who
knew his business well, soon noticed
that work did not proceed durmg his
absence, at the same rate and rapid-
rock cutting. ity which, marked its growth while
he was on the ground, and easily suspecting, or fully aware of the cause.
of such uneven results, he stationed himself at a distance, where, through
the aid of a powerful field glass,
he could easily watch operations
without the gang being aware
that his eye was upon them.
Thus he made himself master
of the whole situation, and as I
continuaUy busied myself about
something, even when my ' 'butty' '
would drop his drill and refuse
to hold it hi loafing time ; I was
focused in the boss' eye as a
steady, honest worker, while
others were identified as habitual
shirkers. I don't say that I
never, not even for a moment,
took a small, short loaf, but I did
A sly old boss. not overdo the matter and was
lucky enough fo escape detection.
The first intimation I had of the favor gamed by my industry, was
when the boss walked up to and accosted me.
"Here, young fellow, you throw down that hammer, and you need
never take it up again on this work unless it is to show some one else how
to use it."
I obeyed his order promptly. He led me over to a dirt cutting
and installed me as boss over thirty-five Chinamen, and I felt as proud as
though I had received a commission of Major General. It was an easy
job T had now, and I bossed my yellow boys in dignified comfort, having no

93

AN EASY JOB.

trouble in getting good work out
of them, and giving every satis
faction to my superiors. But I
desired, as winter was coming
on, to find a place where I
would not be exposed so much
to the severely inclement weather
of that section, and after I had
. been overseer in the dirt cut for
; some weeks, I made application
for work such as I proposed to do,
and was transferred to the depot*
of the company at Cisco, where
my bulk of body and strength of back*
stood me in good part as the big baggage
bomicer and wrestler with the heavy
freight generally.
Winter set in very early that season,
and was unusually frigid, the snow drifts
\in many places being twenty feet deep ;
[j travel was almost entirely suspended and
J I had little and light work to do in the
' freight department of that station.
But my services were Soon brought
into requisition by my assignment as
"line man " On the wire extending over
the Sierra Nevada Mountains, my duties
in this connection consisting of general
supervision of the iron thread, hunting
out breaks, dragging detached wires from
the snow and re-uniting them, carrying
toe big baggage bouncer, massages and, odd jobs of every decription.
• The snow rendered it necessary to wear snow
shoes, which while differmg in style from those
used in Canada were equally efficacious, and I
soon learned to "handle my feet;" thus equipped,
with ease, safety and celerity, and many a mUe I
thus traversed upon the snoWy surface over vast
solitudes. This work was very laborious, always
attended with more or vless danger, yet it had in
it an element of excitement that just suited me,
and I enjoyed the life immensely. • Often my
escapes were Uttle short of miraculous, and
many times I came near to losing my life in the
snow. On one occasion I wandered from m!y
path at night and was compelled to employ every
moment of time in active movement of as many
of my muscles at the same moment as possible,
dancing, running, jumping, etc., contmuaUy,
snow shoeing. for I knew that to remain quiet for even the

94

shortest period, meant frozen to death, and these gymnastics I kept up
untU mornmg light enabled me to ascertam my whereabouts and exert
my efforts in reaching the station.
With aU this to combat, I would have been perfectly content with my
life had not the demon of desire for change again entered my brams and
made me take action which resulted in another change of situation.
CHAPTER XXIII.
on the frontier.
1 had long entertained a great desire to see something of Ufe on the
frontier, but did not wish to seek experiences in the garb or station of a
private soldier as one Of the regular army.
I heard .that a surveying party was soon to start out, and I bestirred
myself to obtain a position therein, and early in the year 1868, 1 was grati
fied by an appointment as "stake marker," with orders to report in person
at Hunter's Station; now caUed Reno; from which our detail set out to
meet and aid another party in laying out preliminary lines for what is now
¦ the Grand Central Pacific RaUroad. Our chief engineer was named
CadwaUader. Beginning at the Sink of the Humbolt
River, we followed closely up the line of that
stream, including in our survey the work in
Twelve Mile Canyon, beyond CarUn, around
the cliffs of the Pallisaides, on through Five
Mile Canyon, as wildly beautiful, grand and
picturesque country as is to be found upon the
face of the earth.
Our section was in the advance, the engi
neer in charge of it was Mr. Bates, a good,
easy gomg gentleman, a thorough master of
his profession, and very fond of peace at any
cost; by him, in addition to my stake driving,
I was placed in. the responsible position of
mule, driver, and in this second attempt to
acquire the mysteries ot that science, I ac
quired some proficiency therein.
The party muster in aU, twelve men, two
on the humbolt. of these being only teamsters. The Ufe was
aU that was enjoyable, being healthy, exciting, varied and most romantic,
with just sufficient bf danger and risk to xause us to be on the keen lookout
for human and other enemies. 1
We were frequently brought in contact with the Indians of that
locality, and as we were moving far in advance of civUization and its
refinements, we interviewed the aborigines in aU their native simplicity of
dress, or rather undress, manners and customs.
Ample opportunities were afforded us to leam and study the cunning,
cruelty, ignorance, brutality, superstitions and general habits — allivery
filthy ones— of these i" noble sons of the forest;" and all our observations
tended to impress upon our minds the strong belief that they would not,
under any circumstances, be particularly pleasant additions to a small even
ing tea party, or the sacred limits of a home circle.

95

The "Noble Indian" is a good deal of a humbug, so . far as I can
judge, and most likely never existed except in the vivid and generous
imagination of those who wrote of but
never knew them , the "Dirty Injun " is
adeplorable, disgusting, unnecessary, exist
ing fact. *
* Our party was sufficiently large, anc§
all so well provided with weapons of\
offense and defence, that the foolishness
of getting up any fight with us was
apparent, even to the savage intellects
with which we were constantly exchanging
compliments, so no hostile demonstrations
were made agamst us, decidedly friendly
overtures taking the place of blpody out
rages, and we took advantage of such dis
position for peace and good will, to vary
our bill of fare by trading flour, bread,
sugar and coffee with the natives for game
UNNECESSARY FACTS. and fl,^
The country through whieh we were carrying our survey was by no
means level and adapted to easy or graceful locomotion, the contrary was
the bone-breaking actuality. The whole of mother earth's surface out
. there seemed to be broken up in lots of every imaginable size, and care
taken to set each of these up edgeways, so our daily pilgrimage and the
prosecution of our work necessitated and consisted mostly in a series of
climbings up and over rocks, and scramblings down into chasms, and when
not thus engaged we were fighting, tearing and cutting our way through
thick underbrush, wading bogs and swamps, or
fording rivers of all widths and depths.
A diversion we enjoyed at all times, . the
material being over plentiful, was destruction of
the principal product of that territory over which
we were tramping, rattlesnakes ; of rattlesnakes,
big, little and medium, there was no end, the
earth, stones, bushes, everything, seemed to-
breed rattlesnakes.
How many of these horrible reptiles I killed
I do not know. I kept count in my mind and
tally by fastening i the rattles on my hat (a
. fashion we all much affected) untU I was tired
of remembering and adding to the numbers, arid
my hat had no space left for further rattle
ornamentation, as the old song says, "all around
my hat I wore 'em."
I escaped all danger from the fangs of the
" ALL 'round my 'at I snakes, but I had one encounter with the Indians
wears 'em." which came near being " deadly pizen '¦' to me.

96

CHAPTER XXIV.
FRONTIER FIGHTS AND FANCIES.
My Uttle difficulty with the Indians happened thus :
We had pitched a new camp about six miles up the Humbolt, to
which we were about to remove, but as yet had not occupied it, and I was
sent to guard what property had been taken there. I was all alone, but
felt little fear of any attack being made upon me, and if one was com
menced I was well provided with means of resistance, having at hand six
carbines, a Henry repeating rifle, two revolvers, and plenty of ammunition.
I was good for a moderate sized tribe as long as' I was able to take aim
and draw trigger.
About dusk of evening I was surprised to see four strange^ stalwart,
weU armed Indian bucks come stalking into camp. They looked around,
examining aU arrangements, then perceiving and understanding that I had no
companions ; their manner grew each minute more insolent and threaten
ing, evidently dependmg upon their superiority in numbers to force or awe
me into submission.
They did not ask for, but curtly demanded that I should give them
food, and I, as was the, custom of our party, furnished them with all the
provender I thought they required at that time. They then insisted that
I should supply them with provisions to carry away, likewise with powder
for their rifles.
In reply to their modest requests, I told them very decidedly that they
would not get either grub or powder from me, but that they should git up
and git out of that camp, or they would find powder and ball more plenty
than they wished. My orders to them were well understood,
and I uttered them with a very bold and con
fident air, assuming a manner that implied
abUity to enforce obedience. So my uninvited
guests turned about and moved sullenly away,
going into camp about half a mile distant.
I kept a very close watch upon them, as
I had learned and understood sufficient of
Indian character and methods to feel certain
that these fellows would, before next mornmg,
pay my quarters another visit to get, or try to
get, by stealth or violence, v<hat they could
not obtain by begging.
I knew that if I allowed myself to . sleep
:that night, the probabilities were' of the
: strongest kind against my ever waking up in
this world. My. reUgious convictions did not
assure me that a transfer to the world of
" git up and git, injun. "spirits would hi the least add to my comfort ;
anyhow, this world was good enough for me to sleep and wake in for some
tune tp come, and I concluded that there should be no dead Danish Hans
in that locaUty if I could help it, and I made my arrangements accordingly.
Just so soon as it became sufficiently dark to prevent the keen eyes of
these dusky thieves from detecting my movements, I carried away from the
spot where they had seen them, all the supplies which had been placed

97
under my care, and secreted the lots as best I could in different places.
With the fighting goods; the weapons, I stationed myself about fifty
feet from my former location, and covering my position as well as I could,
I went " into battery," laid my plans carefully and my tools handy, made
•desperate resolves to keep awake all that night, and to reorganize my
manner of living in the future, said about a dozen prayers of a dozen-
deacon-power each and waited.
Waiting under such circumstances, straining eyes to peer through the
darkness, and ear drums to catch the faintest sound, is about as hard work
on body and brain as a man warits to tackle. It is wearing on the nerves
to wait in the dark alone for danger that will certamly come, but from
what direction you know not ; its harder work than fighting, and I had
more than enough of it that night. I
With every sense at its utmost tension I watched and waited, I know
not how long, but it seemed hours, days, months. At last I heard somids
of disappointment and rage proceeding from the spot I had left. I knew
the sources from whicli those grunts came, and I opened fire all along the
Une. I saluted every point of the compass, and aU intermediate radiations
with shots from the sixteen shooter Henry rifle, sent whistling hi aU direc
tions the bullets from the six carbines, peppered into the surrounding dark
ness the balls from both chambers Pf my revolvers, and then I fell back in
good order to refit, load up my ordnance stores and get ready for another
shot salute to all creation, If necessary.
Then I began to feel good, much of my nervousness I had blown away
with the poWder I exploded ; I was satisfied that the "marauding foe," as
a romance writer would term them, were fully aware that there was some
body in that immediate vicinity, who was in possession of a varied assort
ment of firearms, and reckless in his consumption of ammunition.
Soon I felt better than good, I had no more thought of saymg my
prayers, either in petitions for aid. or songs of thanksgiving. I heard no
further sounds of the enemy, but I kept up keen watch, thinking neither of
sleep or venturing forth untU the broadest of broad day light enabled me to
get full range of all the surrounding country.
When I returned to the camping ground I found evidences of the
prowlers' visit, but no killed or wounded, and I had no further visits from
the redskins, which suited my book exactly ; all I wanted was to be let
alone. But I am well satisfied that if I had gone to sleep or remained on
that spot that night, there would have been "cold meat " there the* next
morning, and I would not have been able to eat it.
With the exception of such little interruptions as that just mentioned,
I pursued the even tenor of my way with the surveying party, and graduaUy
began, by observation and practice, to imbibe a certain knowledge of the
art, or to have such instinct awake-hed within me, and I also acquired a
habit of viewing the landscape over whieh we were passing with the eye of
an expert, or one who thought himself to be such.
I was continually making mental record of choice locations for town
sites, cities, central depots, manufacturing villages, farms, etc., and this
was a source of constant pleasure to me as we kept on our route and work
up the Humbolt River.

98
CHAPTER XXV.
dreams and realities.
The month of July, 1868, brought our party as' far as South Forks,
twelve mdes below the site of the present town of Elko.
Here my eyes were dazzled by sight of a plateau of land, which
appeared to me to be a veritable corner lot from the Garden of Eden,
sliced off and dumped into this spot for my special pleasure and benefit.
With that promptness of action which becomes, or should do so, second
nature to every man who roughs it on the frontier, I at once determined
that on tins delectable land I would pitch my tent and make me a habita
tion and a home.
It was not many minutes then, before I had, in fuU compliance with
border laws, regulations and customs, driven my stakes and posted notice
that I had and thereby did, pre-empted, taken up and claimed "all that
section or parcel of land running 2,640 feet from stake South, to 2,640 feet,
stake West ; same width to stake beginning," aU of which made a quarter
section of land, and it was mine own.
Back of my claim there was nothmg but range on range of hills, but
my quarter section was a garden spot, every inch rich with deep, biack,
fertile soU ; all being the very best of grazing land.
Let my most excitable reader imagine his wildest dreams of prosperity
about to be realized, and he will hardly equal the extravagant speculations
in which I Indulged over that land. I could fill page after page with exact
descriptions of the architectural peculiarities of the many air castles I
erected on that earth, the amount of the ever growing wealth that was to
come rolling in upon me, the droves of cattle and* flocks and herds that
were soon to roam, unnumbered and innumerable upon those hills, that
formed so noble a background to my new-found paradise, all these thoughts
filled my waking moments and my hours of slumber.
But the stern demands of every-day life and the unsentimental duties
connected with stake and mule driving would not permit of my remain ing
in the clouds and visionary bliss, I had to " step down and out."
I was obUged to buckle to my work and I did so with a feeling ofi
satisfaction that every day of surveying labor, the cash therefor and regular
rations for stomach, were much more substantial, and comfortably filling,
than misty loiterings in dream-land and a diet of wmd puddings. So I
continued with the party aU summer, a rather protracted stretch of easy
saUing for me.
But the inevitable row and change were coming.
When we had reached the neighborhood of Promontory the cook of our
party made up his mind to depart. He so did. Mr. Bates had discovered
that the cuUnary art was comprised among my many accomplishments and
he urged me to take upon myself the honors of the pots and pans, and to
oblige him I consented. '
The inevitable war and curses that are accompaniments of the brdils,
stews and messes of every camp and ship cook's life, soon commenced and
involved me in broils, stews and messes, that finally boUed over and landed
me out of the cook-tent, out of the camp, and out of a job.
There was one of the party who looked with the green eyes of jaun
diced jealousy upon what he considered my undeserved promotion to the
Kitchen Cabinet, for the reason that he desired the position himself.

99

From the day of my inauguration he commenced and persisted in find
ing fault with every dish of food, and to his dissatisfaction he gave free and
vigorous expression in language which was not only calculated to wound
my pride as an artist, but was highly offensive to me individually.
He asserted that I knew nothmg, absolutely nothing, about cooking,
that I wasted and rendered uneatable the provisions. With profanity and
untruthfulness he stigmatized me as a "Beastly, dirty Dutchman! "
I had lost in a great measure, that indifference to verbal and physical
abuse, which in my former life seemed to be born of patience, fear or sloth ;
and this miscalling of my nationality and averment of my uncleanliness,
roused the Danish fighting blood within me and I "went for" the libelous
liar all I kriew how.
The fight was a good, clear, knock down and drag put, and two friends
of my opponent, seeing that he had undertaken a larger contract than
he could fill in "getting away
with me," generously mixed in,
but by gathering up and exer
cising all my strength, and a
pick handle, completely routed
the combined forces of the ene
my and drove them off the field.
They retired in not very
good order or humor, held a
council of war, and then re
newed the battle, with artillery,
in the shape of their pistols,
well in front.
My shooting irons were not
within reach. I retreated for
change of base ; I don't say that
I ran away, but I walked very
fast in the opposite direction
from the wrathful men who
were pointing pistols, loaded and
cocked, with awfully careless
fingers on triggers ; in direction
PLUCK, LUCK AND PICK-HANDLE. °f W ^ram Pan;
' I did not return to camp for
some hours after retiring from the combat, and when I got back and
hunted up my weapons, I found that these fellows had, in a spirit of wanton
vindictiveness, taken my much prized Henry rifle, extracted from it all the
cartridges, and destroyed my entire stock of ammunition. I had cooled
down considerably before I discovered this mean trick, and the outrage
was a fresh casus belli. The battle commenced anew and raged furiously;
this time, however, hostilities were confined to language, and in it the chief
of our party, Mr. Bates, took a share.
Our leader soon discovered that peace was neither to be patched up or
preserved between my antagonists and myself and he was forced to aUow
policy to get the better of justice, as the question was whether he should
lose one man or three, at a time when he could illy spare any from his gang.
There was no other solution to the matter, no other course open to him,

100

1 must go ; to send the three friends off at that stage of the work would
have crippled him too severely to be thought of and been a violation of his
duty to the company. He told me, regretfully, that I was to con
sider myself "bounced;" paid me in full for six
months' service, at forty dollars a month ; gave
me one hundred rounds of cartridges for my
Henry rifle (aU he could spare from his own
stock of ammunition) ; his blessings and good
wishes; and I went.
Loaded like a pack-mule, with my trusty
weapon, blankets, clothing, cooking utensils, six
days', rations, a sense of ill treatment and the
curses and jeers of my enemies, I turned my back
upon the surveying, party, and business, and
struck out on the trail to retrace my steps to
South Fork and my "Land of Goshen."
How I did hoof it over ground to my beauty
spot! I was burning with im
patience to satisfy myself by
eye evidence that it was realty
there, and that the whole
matter was not a creation of
imagination, and highly de-:
lighted was I when I once
more stood upon "my land."
At once I proceeded to
build a hut that would serve
me as winter quarters, and
then I settled down to try the*
life of a hermit; and it proved
the most "trying" life of all
the many varieties in which I
had ever been thrown or vol-
AS A HERMIT. . ., , , ,„
untanly placed myself.
As a hermit, I was not a happy success.

OFF FOR THE LAND OF
GOSHEN.

6  °*^^y^  -a

101
CHAPTER XXVI.
TRYING A TURN AS TEAMSTER.
My life, after I entered into possession of, and ' residence upon my
property was about as lively as it ' would have been in a quaker burying-
ground on a dark night in December.
The beasts of the field and birds of the air were the only companions
I had for most of the time ; the few human beings that crossed my path
were the teamsters who passed by, and from these I obtained a Uttle news
and whatsoever of provisions 1 required.
The Robinson Crusoe trade of "living all alone by yourself " and
being "monarch of all I survey " was very comfortable, lazy, and luxurious
existence for a time, nothing to do but to cook, sleep and eat.
But I had always been an animal of social, though quiet, disposition,
and the charms of solitude began to pall upon me as the monotony of my
life each day increased. I tried to reconcile myself to steady continuance
in the hermit line; but, like Paddy who "got blue mouldy fur want uv a
batin'," I soon began to long for the changeful life and stirring scenes to
which I had been accustomed, and I cast about for ways and methods to
satisfy my desire.
Prudence and frugaUty of expenditure and living in the past months
"of steady employment had once more placed me in possession of, to me con
siderable, avaUable capital, and I decided to invest a portion of my funds
in an outfit for active business.
The transportation trade seemed to be doing thrivingly in that section
and with a view to entering into it I purchased two horses and a wagon,
the outlay for these walking into my "pile '•' to the tube of $350.
But I was so fortunate as to find quick and steady demand for my ser
vices and was kept busy in carrying freight from the completed end of the
railroad to the advanced Camp of Construction ; suppUes needed by the
gangs who' were preparing the road bed for the track layers.
Hauling heavy loads over those unbroken, new roads, was no easy
work on man, horses or wagon ; my vexations and mishaps, delays, tut
ups, break downs, and turn overs, were very numerous.
One day I was freighted with three heavy boxes,' weighing over six
hundred pounds each, a very stiff load for that country; and was crossing,
or trying to cross, over a flat, when the wheels became mired up to the
hubs and it was impossible for the horses to budge the wagon.
I coaxed, and pulled, and whipped, and jerked, and exhorted the ani
mals to the extent of my ability, strength and language, but without effect.

A STICK IN THE MUD.

102

The team could not do the work, and I was resting my tired bones and
tongue when along came a six-mule team.
To the captain of this land schooner I made known my unfortunate fix;
in fact he spied aud enjoyed it, and to him I applied for assistance.
But prayers, abuse, or promises to pay would not move the hard heart
of this prairie pirate to pity and lending of a helping hand or mule. With
unnecessary and profuse profanity, he hxformed me that such small, two-
horse concerns as mine had no business to try hauling on that road, taking
business from the regularly equipped and thoroughly efficient six-mule team
monopolies. He said I was now in my proper place, my team also ; bemg but a
" stick in the mud " of a freighter, and he considered it due to personal
pride, professional honor, and the mterests of his employers, to leave me
where he found me and where I belonged. He left me.
In gay disdain, and gleeful contempt he departed, sarcastically hurling
at me the advice and phUosophy of his class, as expressed in the obscene dog- ,
gerel, "If you want to get rich, etc., you must paddle youwown canoe."
This addition of insult to injury aroused my angry passions to a most
fervent heat, and for a few moments I was tempted to have recourse to
"border law," to foUow the inhuman brute up and with a pistol shot let a
little sunUght into his dark interior. But a few moments of reflection
turned the current of my thoughts and saved me from a murderous act.
Arousing myself once more to exertion, I unharnessed and picketed
my horses away from the mire, I fed the poor, tired animals, and then,
taking a rope, chain and axe, 'I walked three mUes to the mountains and
growing 'timber and cut two long poles with which, by using them as
levers, I hoped to raise my wagon from its miry bed.
These poles I lugged and dragged back, paddling my own canoe, over
the long, rough road, and "
with this aid I managed
to roU the heavy boxes off
into the grass, and then
to pry out the wagon next
by the hardest of strain
ing, I replaced my bulky
load and proceeded on my -
way to Elko in a much
happier frame of mind and
far' better satisfieu with
myself and the world.
As I tramped along
and turned my latest exper
ience over, I argued myself
into belief that the rough,
but not ready, uncharita
ble, and disobliging six
mule team aristocrat had
paddling my own canoe. really conferred upon me
without intending so to do, valuable advice and instruction, when he left
me to get out a bad case of stuck- m-the-mud, solely by my own wits and
exertions.

103
The parting injunction' to "paddle your own canoe," 1 have ever ^since
remembered ; acting upon it also as a sound working principle, and in
most matters of business, where I have relied and acted upon this philoso
phy, I have been successful. .
I had an occasional glimpse of original or aboriginal life during my
first stay at South Fork Farm, through occasional visitors, who, though
their comings were "few and far between," had nothing angelic about
them. They were Indians. .
The subject-matter of their first call was to inform me that "this
Injun water, Injun land, Injun game," in fact, it was, according to them,
" aU Injun," and " no white man need apply."
The spokesman of the party grunted out the invitation to leave in the
English he had picked up from the miners with an air of menace that told
more plainly than his words, that if I didn't go wUUngly I'd be made to go
by force.
I had, however, Uved too long in the woods to be scared by owls or
Injuns either, and had also learned that Brag was often a good helping
dog to Holdfast, and so I set the first named to barking.
Mr. Redman was notified that I was " Big Chief," with many soldiers
at my caU from Camp HaUeck, which was about forty miles , over the
hills, and that I intended to stay. My Henry repeater was something new
in the way of fire-arms to them ; I told them it wa^ a devil-gun, and put
ting my hat at about fifty paces distant, I fired eleven balls through the
crown more quickly than they could count the shots, and then intimated
that I could keep on popping away all day without re-loading.
The exhibition of this wonderful gun, my cheek and oratory, changed
their style somewhat, and when I gave them some of my provisions they
became rather friendly. . , .
Some of them had seen me with the surveying party, and heard me
caUed "Dutchman," and by that name I was known to them.
At each visit we came to a better understanding, and accident enabled
me to acquire very considerable influence over them.
Two of the party came to me one day and told me that a party of
cavalry men had taken their guns. I had pen, ink, and -paper, and I at
once wrote to the commanding officer, acquainting him with the facts,
teUing him that these were good Indians, and . asking him to see justice
done. With " the paper that talks " the bucks made their way to the party
that had disarmed them and had tlieir property restored, in addition re
ceiving two old guns, two ancient blankets, and a lot of maggotty bacon.
They came back to me delighted ; I crowed immensely, asserting that I
was the big chief who had done it all, an$L they fully believed me. Game '
of all kinds was shared with me whenever they had it, and I was not mean
about giving what I could spare out of my own supplies.
Another matter that added to my importance was the breaking out
among them of the small-pox. They were entirely ignorant of any rem
edy I had previously done a little doctoring among them, and, as a wise,
big chief, they came to me for advice and assistance.
I went to Elko, and obtained information and medicine from the doc
tor there then went back to their camp, my clothing deluged with carbolic
acid smelUng " loud " enough to disinfect the entire territory, and by the

104
use of the remedies I brought, and common-sense care I ordered, nearly aU
recovered, and I had the highest of Indian honors as Big Medicine Man.
From that time there was nothing they would not do for me. I could
leave my cabin unlocked, my provisions on the table, everything dear to
the Indian heart within reach of them-, and they neither touched or tasted
without invitation or perrnission.
Any one acquainted with the Indian character will understand how
strong was my influence with them when I say that on one occasion I ac
cused the young son of a chief of stealing my lariat rope, and gave him a
thrashing. This would have been a killing matter for most men, but the
old chief and others hunted around for means to convince me that I was in
the wrong, and they did so.
They came to me and bade me follow the traU left by the lariat, and
plainly showed me how it had been dragged off by a prowling coyote, and
led me to its den, where I found the rope. Then I felt like kicking my
self, and with apologies and liberal expenditure of my store, I made the
matter right so far as they were concerned, but I always felt "cheap"
over it. ,
I did considerable trapping with these new friends, and they gave me
the beaver and other skins, satisfying themselves with the meat, which
they greatly relished, though it was too oily for my taste, and I only eat of
it when out of, pther provision; under the same circumstances I ate musk-
rats. Another change in my diet was, when I had gone into the mountains
with them to attend an Indian fandango. We were caught in a heavy
snow storm, and run orit of grub; then we had to turn in on the reserve
these people keep to stave off starvation ; it is a bread or cake made of dried
and powdered grasshoppers and grass seed. It is very good eating, if you
have nothing else, and are very, very hungry.
These incidents I mention at this stage of my life as being associated
with my first land proprietorship, and after this rather extended parenthe
sis, now resume the thread of my story.
The last misfortune with my team and many previous mishaps whieh
rendered profit uncertain and heavy expenses sure, tended to discourage me
in trying to gain wealth by hauling freight with a two-horse team, and the
day after my arrival at Elko I disposed of all my right, title, stock, good
will and fixtures as included in and represented by my transportation outfit,
coming through the transaction without loss.
Then I went back home, locked up the shanty with a wooden plug,
bade farewell, for a time only, as I supposed, to my "lodge in the wilder
ness," and started out for other scenes and occupation. '

105

CHAPTER XXVII.
SPECULATIONS, STRUGGLES AND SCANT SUCCESS.
When I turned my back upon what I now caUed " home," and could
refer to as "my property," I made my way on foot to Carlin.
There I found no opening for investment of capital, and, being offered
the job, I engaged as workman in the con
struction force of the Central Pacific Rail
road, t
For two weeks I was employed in the
laborious work of raising telegraph poles,
and fitting them up, bemg very often and
very literally well up in the world; then,
with my usual propensity for getting
"thick" with some stranger, I formed a
new connection.
Forgetful of my past, dearly paid for
lessons, I chummed in with a young man
named George Barring, who, like myself,
had a few hundred dollars of spare cash,
which he was anxious to increase into
thousands by * the most easy and rapid
means that could be devised.
My new friend proposed that we shoul d
enter into partnership, and start a wood
camp or depot; chop and cord the timber
which stood ready, close at hand, and sell it to the railroad company.
His glowing representations as to the amount of business waiting for
us to gather it in, the
profits to be gained in
' the trade, the "millions
in it" that he insisted
we were losing, soon
made me as enthusias
tic over the project as
himself. We pitched in,
bought axes, engaged
a force of choppers, and
set to work with a will
that mowed and rattled
down the timber like a
hurricane ; but my part
ner lacked "staying
qualities," and when
we had cut and stack
ed about two hundred
cords, and were ready
rattling the timber. for a rush of business,
he began to grow discouraged, and to take a gloomy view of our prospects
I wanted to be tied to no croakers or unwilling workers, and there was

UP IN THE WORLD.

106
nothmg left for me, under the circumstances,. but to make a "give or take"
offer, " buy in or sell out" was the time of day then. He sold but.
By the purchase of Barring's interest I had all tbe wood trade pn my
hands I could manage. I gave him the full value of his investment at
once, except $160, which I afterwards paid, and held his receipt in full
for all claims.
The buying in with him, and the buying of him out completely ex
hausted my ready cash, and I was like the wheels of the wagon, out of
which I had made some of my capital — up to the hub in the mire of pov
erty, a heavy load forcing me deeper down, and no aid likely to be given
me. I had a big lot of wood on hand, or rather, on the ground of my camp,
but I had no team to haul it to a market, or money to purchase animals.
My former resolution, that, when I agam found myself beset by a sea
of troubles, I would, instead of sitting down and crying, grip hold and tiy
to paddle my own canoe, now came back on me to urge me to action, and.
studying to think of a place where I could go and earn money to buy a
team I concluded that I was Ukely to do best at Elko.
Back to that Station I made my way, and through the kind influences
of Mr. James F., now or lately Station Agent at Ogden, Utah Territory,
I obtained a situation as Police and Watchman, in which capacity I served
until, after six months of such employ, close economy, and scant living, I
had saved, from my pay of three dollars per day, the sum of $300: Then
I was off again.
"Now," thought I, " get back to the wood camp, purchase a team,
go to sellmg wood, 'like sixty,' and make money hand over fist, that's
your game, old man ! "
But when I reached the scene of my cutting, I found that certain dis
honest persons had drawn upon my stacks until they had taken over one
hundred cords, and further, that they had become so accustomed to con
sider this cut and pUed timber as having been thus accumulated for their
special aid, comfort, and benefit, to be taken by them, free gratis, and for
nothing, whenever occasion required, that they were very indignant and
prepared to forcibly resist any presumptuous attempt upon my part to
repossess myself of my wood or demand payment for what they had used.
To make any riiove towards assuming proprietorship of those, piles of
wood was equivalent to a declaration of war between one man and all the
thieving portion of that community, and that class had the best of me " by
a large majority."
The only redress or revenge I could then obtain, in that country- and
day, was to shoot the parties when I caught them stealing iny wood, and
on two occasions I did detect them.
But I argued : first, that they might shoot as well and quick, or better
and quicker than I could, and a bullet, in my body was a poor substitute
for cash in my pocket, or wood in the yard ; second, if I did kill one of the
robbers, it would be "just my luck " to be sent the same road by some of
his friends, or, escaping this, to be gobbled and hung or shut up in the
penitentiary for a term of years of my lifetime, and I could not see that a
coffin and grave, or board and lodgings, even if furnished without charge
would make me square in my timber transactions.
So I held my fire and my tongue, put the wood speculation down on

107
the weU fiUed profit and loss page of my books, sold what of the wood- 1
could, and left the purchasers to run the risk of getting it, and retired from
that decidedly unprofitable business.

CHAPTER XXVIII.
MONEY, MOTHER, AND MATRIMONY.
My little hut at the foot of the hills, "my property,"—" South Fork
Farm," — had still as strong a hold as ever upon my heart.
In my present eondition, without occupation and rather disgusted
with speculation, my thoughts turned more than ever towards the one spot
on earth that I could caU "home," and it seemed to me that, for once,
interest and mclmation both united in directing me to a wise course of
proceeding, by prompting my desire to return tofthe Eden," towards which
my feet were aching to point their toes.
I had a good, strong, stand-by friend, a merchant in Elko; to him I
went and unburdened my mind, telling him of my doubts, fears, ambitions,
hopes and desires.
This kindly merchant not only agreed with me as to the wisdom of
settling dbwn to cultivation of my landed estate, but he also offered most
substantial proofs of his friendship and confidence in my honesty, as weU
as the success of my undertaking, by volunteering to provide me with
horses, implements, seeds — anything and everything necessary to properly
fit my, farm out in thorough working order.
I had still some money that had escaped sacrifice in my mania for
speculation, and this also aided me in my first attempt as a farmer.
There was stiU another influence which served to intensify my desire
to settle down in Ufe. •
My good old mother, who had toUed so hard for me, and whom, my
heart told me, I had but iUy repaid, had written to me that she desri-ed to
come to the United States and live with me. It would have been hard for
even her active spirit to have contented itself by " living with me" in the
life I had been leading prior to this time, but now I saw my way clear to
offer her the shelter of my own roof, and I was impatient to have her with
me. When, therefore, my return to and proper settlement at South Fork
Farm was fully arranged for, I sent her word to join me as quickly as pos
sible. Thinking that I could obtain a double allowance of comfort by one
stroke of work, I instructed her to look about, and with a mother's jealous
scrutiny, find, select and bring with her a good-looking, hard-working,
fair-tempered, honest Danish girl, who was used to farm work, to act as
housekeeper, with "a view to matrimony," as the "personal" advertise
ments of the newspapers put it.
And then I hastened to the farm and busied myself with, preparations,
and time rolled on, as it always has and will, and the Spring of 1870 ar
rived, and with the birds and tree buds came the good and most welcome
riiother, and likewise the prize, picked damsel from Denmark, who looked
o-ood enough outside, and was warranted to possess all the old-fashioned,
sterling virtues as well as "all the modern improvements" — a perfect
Daisy to blossom and beautify the entire farm,

108

Then I felt as though I was really and truly a regular- granger, a pro
ducer in the land. Cosy anu contented under my own
vine and fig-tree, with two men to aid me in my agri
cultural pursuits, the mother and prospective wife
keeping all things in apple-pie order in my house. What
more could heart desire? "In sweet content, my days
are spent," was the song of exceeding gladness I sung
in my foolish heart,
I have mentioned, early in this history, that my
mother was a woman of most stirring, go-ahead tem-
perament; a Danish-Yankee, or Yankeeish-Dane.
When, therefore, she had put my house to rights,
combed my wool right smartly to get some of the vag
abond kinks and ideas out of it that occasionally crop
ped up, and bossed everybody into proper running or
der, the life in that secluded spot became too monoto
nous for her, and, though she tried to content herself for.my sake, she was
unhappy, and after a little while
she accepted an excellent situation
as housekeeper in the stirring town
of Elko.

"WITH A VIEW TO
MATRIMONY."

CHAPTER XXIX.
A SQUARE KNOCK DOWN.
The marriage of my Danish
importation and self had been of
ten discussed, iri all its bearings,
between the interested parties in
their leisure moments.
Prudence and forethought en
tered very largely into our confabs
and calculations, and it was decid
ed that, before we entered into such
'IN sweet content my days are a serious and lasting partnership,
spent!" my worldly success should be in
sured; so the weddmg was, postponed untU the Fall of the year, when the
crops had been gathered and sold.
Such was the arrangement when my mother left me to go and live at
Elko, and the good woman departed content, confident that she had made
my caUing and election sure.
How true it is that the disposition of events in this* world is hardly
ever in accordance with the propositions and inclinations of the men
and women inhabiting the earth. The eventuation of my calcula
tions at this time only go to prove the soundness of the old Dutchman's
proverbial philosophy:
"You purtty surely, most somedimes allvays, shust can't tell, certain
furbosidiv, shust noddings aboud effryaings."
And just so, — you can't !
I was going to raise that crop and sell it, I was going to marry that
girl — and with her as my wife, the bright perspective glowed with a long

109

Stretch of peace, plenty and continual happiness. I did not raise that
crop, consequently I did not sell it. I- did not marry that girl, and,
consequently, with her as my wife, hand and hand together, ^ye did not
journey through life along that pathway illumed by the aforesaid electric
light of earthly joy. Not any.
All of which happened in this wise :
It was on the night of August 8th, 1870, that there came to South
Fork Farm and its vicinity, entirely uninvited and unwelcome, a bitter,
black frost, and it nipped and bit and froze, and in a few dark hours ren
dered unfit for anything, but turning back into the ground every potato
and vegetable I had planted there.
, The sight that greeted me when I went out in the morning, told me
in a moment the whole story of dire disaster, it was enough to have brought
tears into the eyes of the potatoes if the frost had not previously killed
them ; it certainly brought the brine ipfo my own, and my lieart into my
mouth. I was ruined.
In despair I hurried back into the house and told Mary of the terrible
blight which had fallen upon and blasted aU our plans, prospects^ and po
tatoes. Together and in silence we Went out to gaze upon the wreck of all our
labor, to look upon the scene of desolation. Two heart-broken, forlorn,
destitute, overgrown Babes in the Woods, with not even the consoling
robins to chirp to and cheer us.
Our misery was too great to find utterance in words, I went into the
eye water pumping at once, turning on the full tap ; I sat down and '.'en
joyed a good cry." Looking up after a time I saw that Mary was also
sobbing and Weeping as though her heart would break.
The sight of the poor girl's grief aroused my manhood and made me
ashamed of my selfish forgetfulness of her.
I tried to console her with words.
" Don't cry over this, my dear," I said, " cheer up and we'll fight it v
through Uke men; you and me together, and the Lord wiU help us in his
own way and at his own good time."
My attempt at consoiation, my moral re
flections, condescending acquiescence in and
submission to higher power (when I had no
other option) ; my tender tones, and regret at
her having to share my misfortunes, did not
pan out a cents worth of payink return.
What was it her clear duty to do under
such circumstances ?
Plainly to tumble into my arms and rub
her nose against my shirt bosom ; to gush out
in spasmodic jerks, that she " loved me all
the more dearly for the misfortunes that had
•come upon me ;," — that she would " prefer me
in my poverty to the Crown Prince of Den
mark, or the eldest son of the President," —
that she would "toil and slave for me,"
ideality. " would die without me," etc., etc.

110

That was the proper and perfectly legitimate stage business for that
part of the drama.
Did yshe do this ? Not much, she didn't.
Oh rio ! My Danish Dove wasn't the least " on the gush " so far as I
was concerned; she required all her time and attention just then to gush on
her own account.
Through all her tears and blubberings, which I was tenderly trying to
quench and quiet, she "let me have it."
" She wasn't crying over my confounded blasted hopes and my misera-
.- ble, drity, frost bitten potatoes," she
told me; "it wasn't over her own
blasted prospects, and the frost bitten
flowers of her love, for which she had
shed those tears."
And she howled louder than ever
for a time and then, as if I wasn't
stunned enough already, she "hit me
agin." "She could have married a poor
man in Denmark, a man whom she
always had and always would love ; '
who was a better and smarter and
handsomer man that I ever dared to
reality. be ; and she had come over here to
marry me and be rich ; and now I was poor, and she didn't love me a
c&its worth, and never could and never did and never would."
Aud then she collected all her capacity for howl, and lifted up her
voice, and let it out in a manner that it would discourage a fog horn to
rival. (
I wanted to go somewhere, get into a hole, pull the hole in after me,
and thus find an early, peaceful death.
I was worse frost nipped than all the potatoes in and withm ten miles
around South Fork.
In the course of a considerably checkered career, I had received many
hard blows, regular knock downs ; but this was a stiffner, a perfect parali-
zation ; this trip-hammer tap that was fired into me by my warranted per
fectly reliable, non-shying, never baulking, imported Danish Filly.
This kicking over of all my matrimonial fat which had been so long
simmering, into the hot fire of sudden destruction, drove the loss of crops,
prospects, hopes, and all such small matters, clear out of my mind, switched
off my train of thought on to another track, and drove it in an entirely
different direction.
I am happy to say that I rose equal to the situation. I did not whistle
"What shall the harvest be," because I did not then know the dulcet
strains of that melody, and I would not have whistled it if I had been ac
quainted with every note of its tooting ; it was unnecessary for me to in
quire what the harvest was going to be, so far as I was concerned, either
in the field agricultural or field matrimonial ; 1 could guess that harvest
conundrum, my share of it, first pop, and answer " Nix I "

Ill
I think the most unsympathetic of my readers will admit that " things
looked blue " for me at this stage of my life's game.
Blue ! they were black 1 black as a lump of coal in a dark mine at
midnight. I did not think of the old saying that, "when things are at
the worst, they must mend," but though "plunged in the depths of deep
despair," and howling in a most perfectly natural, unrestrained and justi
fiable manner, there was an under current of just such phUosophy beneath
the torrent of thoughts and feelings that swept over my mind and heart.
"Almost twelve years to a day, it is," I exclaimed, as I stood there
alone, contemplating the dire ruin about me, "since I first came to
America ; I have fought fire, struggled through water, endured poverty,
abuse, treachery of those I considered friends, suffered sickness, pam, star
vation, and undeserved stripes, and now the very .elements have conspired
to crush mei"
" There ai*6 none left to comfort me in this crowning misery. My
mother is not t/ere to console, my promised wife has deceived and deserted
' me, my last coin must go to pay my men ; aU that remains to me wiU not
pay quarter of my debts ; I am a Jonah to good luck.
" Nobody will tfiist me again for a penny; of food I have not sufficient
to live for a week; there is nothmg between me and starvation but frost
bitten and blackened potato tops and nubbins." •
"Mother gone! Mary gone! crops gone! friends and credit gone I
hope gone !. wits almost gone ! empty pockets I empty beUy ! bare back I "
Boys, it was a very cold day. \
The undefined feeling that things could not, by any possibUity get
worse, anda certam amount of the "paddle your own carioe" doctrme
that stUl stuck to me, alone kept me from thoughts of makmg a third
attempt to end my existence.
"Twelve years of bad, bad luck," I said to myself, "it can't last, it
can't be possible that I am going to suffer such evUs for another twelve
years, and at the end of that time be in such another fix as this I"
"I'm gomg to see it out 1 "
So I just gulped down my sighs, shut my eyes on my sorrows, dried
my tears, braced up and faced the music.
I caUed to the girl who was near by, standing, sulky and ugly.
"Mary," I said to her, "I never tempted you, knowingly, to leave
your home and the man you loved. I told my people to tell you aU about
me before you came over, and since then have given you plenty of chance
to learn all about -me and my
every day Ufe. I have tried
faithfuUy to think of no other
girl but you, and to like you1
and be true to you in every
way. Yet aU this time you
have been carrying deceit in
your heart against me. I am
^more sorry for you than I am
for myself." And in all that I said to ,
her I spoke the truth.
disgust. In aU she did she showed pack off.

112
\
'her disgust so plainly that I became angry and told her to "pack off . "
I write about this serious portion and episode in my life, with
an affectation of now looking only on the comical side of the affair.
I do this because it is far better to so do than indulge' in the pathetic
or tragic over misfortunes that can't be helped, and woes that are past
and gone.
But it was a very stiff dose for me just then. Indeed, it was.

CHAPTER XXX.
" NEVER SAY DIE, BOYS I "
Of course my Mary,' who was'nt my Mary, could no longer stay at the
farm under our present agreement to disagree. I had ordered her to leave
but could not thrust her out without a home, so, with some Uttle trouble, I /
obtained a place for her at Elko, where she could earn $30 per month.
Though I had little serious care in the girl's future, thinking that she
was calculating enough to look out for herself, I had a certain amount of
mterest in the money she made.
Of her own free will she had come from Denmark, with funds fur
nished by me, under the contract that she should make me a good, true
wife ; the impossibility of ber doing this under any circumstances she had
herself made very plain.
Hard pushed as I now was for cash, I did riot propose to be the only
loser in the whole transaction ; the shock to my self-conceit and vanity
was beyond remedy or repair, but the financial injury might be very con
siderably lessened. Sixty dollars, applied in small lots, to my pocket, is
the amount of salve that helped to cure that smarting sore.
The loss of the girl I got quickly over when once I was able to see her
with unglamored eyes. She was not true even to the "poor man whom
she had always loved in the old country ; " never went or tried to go back
to him, though she could easiiy have done so. She married a stock raiser,
but did not turn out weU, as she proved to be lacking in those qualities of
truth that lead to honest dealing in aU conditions of life. Let her R.I.P.
After settling my love affairs, which were not love affairs at all, being
foolishness on my part and a swindle on that of the girl, I sought out
agam my merchant friend at Elko, and to him told my " plain, unvarnished
tale," with a full statement of my position and prospects, or rather my
lack of the latter.
The jolly dealer condoled with and laughed at me, cheered me up
wonderfully with his kind, pleasant, hopeful advice and way of looking on
the bright side of things.
"Never say die, boy!. Get up and go at it
agam 1 " i
That is what he bade me do, to take courage
and go to work, not to worry about my debts, that
I could pay him when and how I could, and that
he felt I could and would square all up with him
*-and come out ahead some day.
This was timely, sensible advice and comfort,
and I acted upon it.
my elko friend. Going out to the farm I gathered up all I

113
could, salvage from the wreck, and with my team I hauled wood and sold
it to whoever wanted to buy. A neighbor had very considera
ble confidence in my ability to get
out of scrapes, and he loaned me
$200, taking my farm as security.
The money borrowed from
neighbor John, I paid to my kind
helping friend in Elko, and what
I made in sellmg wood I used to
pay up other debts ; then I trans
ferred my team to my mother for
employment under her direction
and abandoned my unfortunate
property and aU thoughts of bemg
a farmer.
hauling out of debt. Having thus disposed of most of
my goods and chattels, mortgaged my farm, (and I never raised the rriort-
gage or anything else off it), satisfied all creditors who
wouldn't or couldn't afford to wait, I put myself inside
of a new suit of clothes presented by my steadfast Elko
creditor, and broke out once more into the world.
I drifted on, hunting fortune in every promising
locality, but finding poor pickings until I reached Ogden
Station, Utah Territory ; there I struck a "pay streek,"
as the miners call it, by being agam employed on poUce
and watchman duty by the railroad company.
My wages were good and pay prompt ; quickly as I
earned money I remitted it my Elko friend to pay off the
balance due him and sundry debts to others. I spent little
or nothing for myself, except to procure what I absolutely
required. A few months only of this life and I felt like a new
= man. I had a well paid position, knew my employers
were satisfied with me ; was free of debt, free of care, free
re-fitted, of sorrow, and free of a girl who would have married me
when she cared nothing for me, because she thought I had a little money.
What big blessing cropped up from those frost bitten potatoes.
We just can't always tell, " What wiU the harvest be."

CHAPTER XXXI.
ON THE PLATFORM AT OGDEN.
I was mighty well fixed at Ogden; there were certain well understood
and plain duties to be performed, and so that these were properly executed I
was allowed to choose my own ways and means of effecting them.
On the arrival of trains on the Union Pacific line, Ogden being its ter
minus, I had to attend to transferring the passengers whose route was still
further to the cars of the Central Pacific Road. Here the smattering \
had of many languages served me well, and I collected gossip from almost

114

every corner of the earth through the medium of the many emigrants com
mg under my notice and questionings. /
I blundered into this well paid position by what I at first considered a
side Uck from my old Ul luck.
When I first arrived there and was taken on by the company, I was
carried on the roll of the car superintendent, and aU the robing stock
arriving and standing over at that station was my charge. I had to go
through the cars, look after their condition, lock them at night, etc.
The boss under whom I then served was, one night, discovered by me
in strange company in the car under tircumstances which were plainly no
part of his duty. I should certamly have held'my tongue about the mat
ter, but he seemed to think it necessary to take time by the forelock and
try to muzzle me. The day after my discovery of the gentleman in
flagrante delicto I received my discharge through his hands.
Not feeling disposed to be bounced in so summary a manner, I re
ported .all the facts and results
as far as they affected me, to the
station superintendent, James
Campbell, and awaited action
from higher authority. In a few
days a decision was rendered.
my former boss was shipped, I
was re-employed and given a
position as station or platform
police. From the time of the iU luck
that turned out to be good luck,
the current of my fortunes
seemed to change.
I was now master of trans
fer, looking after aU the emi-
A guardian angel. grants. Daily and hourly were
incidents occurring in my Ufe, but I can only mention a few here.
The railroad station was much frequented by gamblers, ticket scalpers,
swindlers of every degree and "bad men " generally. It was my business
to keep these gentleman away from the depot and its regular legitimate
patrons, and I adopted aU manner of expedients to do so, using force only
when necessary.
There was one scalper, who by pleasant treatme*t sometimes, and
agam by threats, I had controUed for quite a time ; he was caUed " Big
Steve," and was a perfect specimen of the Western rough, over seven feet
high, and "a shooter."
Steve and I got along with average amiabUity, until one day, when he
had gotten outside of too much tangle ioot, crazy head whiskey, he con
cluded to come to an understanding with me.
I was informed that " Big Steve is looking for you and swears he will
not be bluffed off the platform any longer by that big Dutchman."
And sure enough, I soon spied my man howling drunk, with pistol in
hand and mouth full of curses, at one end of the long platform.
Dropping between two lines of cars, I made my way under their cover

115

untd I got near to him and took up position where my body was well
covered by a pile of boxes and trunks. Soon he came up directly in
front of where I was secreted,
and much to his dismay he
was "fetched up, aU stand
ing," with my six-shooter
pointing directly at his face,
while my own arm and head
projected from behind the
baggage barricade.
' ' Throw down that pistol
and put up your hands ! " I
shouted, Steve was staggered by
that sight worse than by his
whiskey, but he could do
nothing. I "had the drop on
him," and he obeyed orders.
That finally settled Big
Steve, he was quiet as a lamb
ever after with me. The
lessee of the depot restaurant
for the/ interest I always
' manifested for the good of
" put up your hands ! " his establishment made me
welcome to my board, which was very welcome to me, and the " run of
the place." He employed many men, and I was convinced that some of them
robbed him of provisions he bought to use in his business ; such also was
his opinion. I watched certain of his employees untU I had caught them
" dead to rights," and took them with their plunder before their master.
This caused these men to become my enemies, and they vowed to drive
me away. In accordance with such resolution, three of them, coats off and
sleeves rolled up, came up to me and announced then intentions of giving
me, first, an unmerciful thrashing, and second, notice to quit.
I took Western methods of meetmg the question.
With revolver at full cock and arms length, I backed into a secure
position and opened parley.
"Look here," said I, "you want me to apologize to you fordoing
my duty, to take a Ucking, and to get out."
''That's just what you got to do " answered then* spokesman.
" And that's just what I aint going to do, nary one of the three " said I.
" If you had come one at a time I'd have given you a chance to get
even, but now I'm going to ask you a question, whieh one of you wants to
die first, for the one that steps another pace forward will get the roof of
his head blowed off. Do you hear me!"
These fellows were aU Mormons, and believed that when they died
they would go straight to glory and Joe Smith, but they didn't want to

116

pay a visit to Smith just then, and they backed out and left me alone ever
after so far as regarded violence.
But they " had me up " before a Mormon Alderman, Walter Thomp
son, and on the oath of three Mormon cowards this Mormon " Justice "
dispensed "Mormon Justice " to me, fining me $25 and costs for flourish
ing a deadly weapon and threatening the Uves of several valuable citizens,
as he caUed these feUows.
He also bound me over in baU of $200 ^o keep the peace for one year.
I did not wish tpask anyone to become my bondsman, and having a lot of
mining stock, wildcat and worthless, I offered to deposit this with him as
security in lieu of bail. He took it and the scrip proved of more value to
me in that way than I ever expected it to be in any manner.
On another occasion I came near getting into much more serious.
trouble through over zealous and hasty exercise of my police functions.
One day a gentleman with his famUy, including a well grown young lady,
alighted from the California train.
Before the arrival of the cars a carriage had drawn up near to the
station and a young man who had come init was walking about the platform.'
This young man hurried to the just arrived young lady, seized, her and
her satchel, rushed to the carriage, both were bundled in, the driver
whipped up his horses and away they went.
The old gentleman and remainder of his famUy were frantic; like
Shylock of old, he shouted,
"My daughter, my money 1 "
."They have stolen my daughter! Stop them! Stop them! I'U
give a thousand doUars to whoever will stop them." My duty and in
terest both prompted me to put my best foot forward and work for glory,
money, and the preservation of the law.
I traveUed after that carriage at a lively rate, by cutting through
mud piles and across lots. I mtercepted the vehicle and ordered them to
halt, and, on no attention
being paid to my summons,
I sent two shots flying into
the top of the carriage with
the full intention of hurting,
somebody, for I firmly be-
Ueved that a violent abduc
tion and robbery was being
carried out.
The team soon left me
behind and when I next
caught up with it the horsed
by duty, virtue. And cash incited, were standing before the
hpuse of a Mormon Bishop, and inside the young man, with the perfectly
wiUing young iady were being married as fast as words could join them.
An Ogden policeman, stationed at the door, told me I had better go
back where I belonged, and I had just made up my mind that the job had
been "put-up" beforehand and very nicely carried out when papa,
mamma, and the rest came panting and puffing to the spot.
The sight of the old gentleman put me in mind of the promised re
ward and I delicately hinted that though I was not entitled to the full

117
thousand dollars promised, I thought three hundred would be a fair pro
portion for my efforts to carry out his desires and my success in running
the party down.
The unappreciative Californian reviled me in very strong language
and called me all sorts of names for trymg, as he said, my "best to shoot
his daughter. "
I was forced to return tb the station with, to use a common simUe,
"my tab between my legs," minus any reward but the consciousness of
having tried to do my duty, and to endure the laugh that all hands kept
up, long and loud, at my expense.
For the tramps that passed my way, and many they were who hobbled
up to that platform, I had a fraternal tenderness which even the stern de
mands of duty could not altogether suppress.
Jt was "a cold day " for the "hoofer" when he did not transfer a
'quarter from my pocket to his own dirty fist, and under all circumstances
he received a square fib up from the broken scraps I could always obtain at
the restaurant. ,
From one end of the line to the other the tramps on that route knew
Big Dutch Hans, the Policeman of Ogden Station, and swore unanimously
that he was a "jolly goodjSellow, safe for a quarter or square meal any
time." One of this ignoble Brotherhood got the best of me and taught me a
lesson in my old "profession " which is too good to pass over in my rem
iniscences. He was a fellow countryman, another wandering Dane, and a most
pitiful object when I first spied him, hoUow, ragged, limping, and bare
footed, my heart went out to him.
I took him in and fed him, got him to clean himself as much as his
principles would aUow him to indulge in such performance, took off my
feet and gave him the good, almost new,
boots I had on, I contenting myself for
the time with an old pair I had at the De
pot ; and, in his case, I increased my cash
donation to the sum of $1.
The food had braced him up, the
slight washing he gave himself (only to
oblige me) proved' that he had a white
skin underneath aU its covering of dirt,
the boots enabled him to step out firmly.
But the cash I The cash transmogri
fied him entirely; he was a new man
throughout. Immediately he began to
patronize me, asked me over to take a
drink (ta^be paid for with my money)
with an air of condescension which plainly
" said, " you see I ain't too proud to drink
GIVING MY boots. with you even if you are only a common
policeman," and then waving me a lordly adieu he started into Ogden.
A few hours later I saw my tramp returning, my dollar was inside his
skin in the shape of whiskey, likewise also two more doUars worth of the
same commodity was n\the same "tank," that sum having been realized

118

by him fi-Qm the sale of my boots to a Mormon who had a keen eye for a
good bargain.
Not drunk was my tramp, three dollars worth of even Utah whiskey
could not ''fetch him that way,"
but he felt good, and when he halted
his bare feet before me, and I indig
nantly asked, ' ' W here are my boots,
what have you done with them, " he
cooly replied,
" Sold 'em of course, old cock I
Why what a bloomin' fool you must
be to think I could go beggin' an'
git anything with a pair o' boots
like them on."
" By-by, Bobby, see you later; "
he waved me a farewell and was off.
This is one of the charities I
regret having bestowed, but I had
about tttat much fun over the fel
low's imfradenee, and life was going
getting A blast. too easy with me those times for
me to worry over trifles.

CHAPTER XXXII.
copious, curious, comical, courtships.
I was so pleasantly fixed at Ogden, so well contented and so over
stocked with blessings, that I began to feel as though I had more than my
share, and I cast about for a partner with whom to divide my joys.
The old saying that "Fools rush in where angels fear to tread," is
continuaUy verified when the matrimonial fever gets hold of a Ukely subject.
Spite of my unlucky speculations in that line, or unfortunate attempt
to enter into it, I was prepared to endorse the scriptural doctrine that it
" is not good for man tobe alone," and I was impatient to get into double
harness. I was surrounded by people of the Mormon faith, and many were the
efforts made, not exactly to convert me, for, as I was nothing in a creed
sense, I could not be converted ; but to bring me into the Mormon fold,
to initiate me into the first mysteries, so that in time I could develop into
a f uU blown saint with any number of wives I desired.
I "couldn't see it." Somehow, there was a kind of "strongness"
about the Mormon doctrines and practices that, when jt was proposed that
I should swallow them whole, renderedvme of the opinion that they were
too rich for my stomach, and I steadily refused to take the pill even though
it was sometimes offered with a very nice sugar coating.
Matrimonially inclined, however, I was and I kept my "whether eye"
open for the right craft to come sailing along, when I determined to board1
and compel her surrender at all hazards.
There was a certain buxom, good natured widow, No. 4 of a Mormon
bishop, to whose charms and very substantial attractions I gave serious
consideration for some time. This widow, who had been the. proud one-

119
quarter wife of a now departed saint, was willing to become Mrs, Hans
L/yiikejaeger, and to bestow upon me herself, two children, and sundry
worldly goods, house, cattle, etc., which would have quite set me up in
the world, but she insisted that I should "pass through the water," in
other words, be baptized in and become a disciple of the Mormon Church.
I wasn't willing to " go through the water " for the widow and, as the
sporting papers say, "the match was declared off."
•p v.n<* ^ keP* Poking around. Many were the fine girls I had joking
confabs with as I met them in the trains or at the depot, when, in dis
charge of my police duties I had to see that they were properly started for their
destinations, and it often entered my mind that in one of these encounters
I should find my fate. " We met by chance," can be sung with truth by
more loving couples than most people fancy.
Th6ugh continually I saw hundreds of pretty faces that were pleasant
to look upon, yet I never got a square call, until one day, passing through
the train as usual, I spied,- sitting quietly by the window, a clear skinned,
rosy cheeked, big, bright, honest eyedj plump young girl, good looking as
to looks, and looking good as to mental and moral attributes, strength,

MASHED.

GRETA.
health grace and modesty, were shown in every movement and intelUgence
in every feature.
The one-quarter wife, and now widow of the departed bishop, was
knocked out of mind completely.
I was dead gone, "mashed."
I " went for" that quiet damsel who was setting so demurely at the
car window j ust " saying nothing to nobody. ' '

120
My official station of course permitted me to enter into conversation
with her, without the least appearance of impertinence on my part, or im
propriety on hers.
"Wliere are you going?" I asked, I did not then know that I was re
peating the first words of an old English song, or I might have added the1
balance and said, " My pretty maid ! "
My official dignity, my evident desire to please and attract her atten
tion, and the well displayed personal charms which my bulky body made
prominent, neither dismayed, overawed or fascinated the quiet young lady;
nor did she seem to be the least inclined to cultivate my acquaintance.
I had addressed her in English, and in answer received a decidedly
short :
" Nix verstach ! "
"Oh," said I, " I see you are a German. "
Now the Germans are not liked by some nations of this earth, and the
country from which this maiden came was one where they are particularly
detested. "No, I am not," was fired at me very sharp, with much emphasis on
the "No" and the " Not ; " and then she added :
" I am a native of Denmark. "
And I crowed ! here was luck ; tons of it !
Quickly I claimed my rights as a fellow countryman, and in the pleas
ure of meeting a stranger who could speak her mother's tongue, the pretty
maid relaxed somewhat in her stern guardedness bf demeanor.
" She was going to join her brother in California,," she told me.
I flew around like an old hen with only one chicken, got her coffee,.
water, dinner, anything and everything, and I made as big a fool of myself
generally, as men always do under such circumstances, and women never.
During the time that elapsed before the tram started I was enabled to
have considerable chat with Greta as I shall now call her.
At last I grew sufficiently bold to ask her if she could not be induced
to stop in Ogden and keep house for me.
My answer came quickly.
"No, sir, I don't know you or anything about you. / You and your
town are alike strange to me, and you are too young a man for any girl to
serve in the capacity of housekeeper."
Then I came out with the truth and told her I was looking for a
housekeeper who would, by matrimonial contract, be joint partner and
houseowner, and I pressed my suit with all the powers of fascination and ,
language that I possessed.
But Miss Greta sat unmoved by my eloquence and remained immova
ble in every sense until the train moved her onward in her journey.
I had gotten in the station an envelope addressed to myself and
properly stamped, under pretence of anxiety to learn that my fair country
woman had arrived safely at her destination. I asked her to take it, and
wherishe reached her brother's home, to please enclose a few lines announc
ing such fact, and drop the letter in the post-office for me.
She didn't make any rash promises one way or the other, but she took
the envelope. Then I chuckled over my sly proceedings, and thought what a sharp

121
fellow I was to thus lay the foundation of a correspondence with my pretty,
innocent, unsuspecting little Danish Greta.
Just as if she didn't know the meaning every move I made, and laugh
at me for a clumsy blunderer to boot !
Well, she was " gone from my gaze like a beautiful star," and though
I thought of her very often, and wondered and hoped that I should hear
from, perhaps see ber, yet my passion did not cause me to neglect my busi
ness, meals, or the steady prosecution of another little courting match I
had on hand at that time.
There was a certain Mormon, and he had a little wife ; and the little
wife had a good lump of a saucy sister named Sally, and I had been
"sparking " Sally most industriously with fair success for some months."
A bird in the hand is worth a whole flock on an unknown brother's
farm away off in California, so I did not cut loose from Sally by any means.
The Mormon brother-in-law Of Miss Sally desired to cultivate a still
closer relationship with the fair one, he destined her to become wife No. 2,
and wife who was No. 1, and at this time the only one, earnestly desired
that I should marry her sister and thus remove temptation frorn the way
of her fickle and over matrimonially inclined husband.
SaUy also preferred to be the first and all in her married life, so she and
the lady of the house always made me welcome, and I took care tO*give
the Mormon Boss no chance to carry out his desires towards me as indi
cated by his black looks when we met.
It was about six weeks after I had met and, all too soon, parted with
Greta, when back came my envelope, and in it a few simple words, telling
me of her safe arrival and thanking me for attentions bestowed.
Then I chuckled again, and spent time, ink, and brains in my very
best attempt at penmanship, composition, .courtesy, and blarney in answer
ing the dear little note.
To this I got a reply, and I answered that.
Then I got another reply, and I answered that.
And each answer I wrote was longer and stronger and sweeter and
more "taffvish " than the one preceding, and at last they grew so red hot
that * it's a wonder they didn't burn up the U. S. MaU, cars, agents, post
offices, and all.
I proposed to Greta to come to Ogden and be my wife.
And she wrote me back that I should send her the money to come on
and she would do so.
Glory Hallelujah !
But "then in crept the gloomy devil of distrust, and I began to think I
had been too fast. I argued in my newly found timidity and caution:
" Maybe the girl ain't so innocent as she looks, there's no such thing
as knowing these girls, maybe she is going to get the fifty dollars I will
send to bring her on, and then she, her brother, and some beau will laugh
at Big Fool Hans, and the .way they have made him pay for his blundering
conceit." And so I made an extra double fool of myself by concocting what I
thought was a very good plan.
I wrote to her and sent her an order, which on her presentation of it at
the railroad office near her brother's home, would secure a ticket for pas
sage in an emigrant train to Ogden. >To the railroad agent at the place

122

mentioned I sent mstructions to supply such a ticket to such a person as I
described when she presented her order for it, and that payment therefor
would be made by the station master at Ogden.
Then I chuckled again at my cuteness, and I kept ori chuckling, and
presently a reply to my last letter was placed in my hands by the post
office clerk. ',
"If, after asking me to be your wife and helpmate through life, after
all the professions of affections you have made, and all the expressions of
reliance you have written ; if, after all these you have so Uttle trust in me
that you refuse to keep your promise and send to me direct the money you
offered to pay my passage to Ogden, and have to depend upon my going to
exhibit myself before station masters in order to get a ticket ; and if, after
all your liberal offers to support me in comfort, you can only send for ybur
much sought wife that is to be, to come to you in a rough, greasy, emi
grant's car, you can find some other wife than me, and as you place more

BEFORE READING.

?i*jlr-

dependence on the railroad
company than on my honor,
I guess you had better
marry the railroad company
for you will never marry
Greta."
These were not of
course the actual words
used, but the above was
the tenor and about the
tune, and it " knocked me
stiff." I didn't chuckle so

AFTER READING.

I'VE GOT THE SACK.

I'VE GOT MY LETTER.
much then, I went out and, in a figurative sense I kicked myself until I
was black and blue.
I loved the girl ten times more now that she had refused me, almost
caUed me a fool, intimated that I was one, and proved that I was one, than
I did before.
I wanted to write and explain, but in her letter she told me that she
should never take a line from me agam, and also, that she was going to
leave her brother's house and go elsewhere.
So I had lost her, and it served me right.
But I went all the same, and put on double pressure in my courtship
ofSaUy.

CHAPTER XXXIII.
A PERPLEXED POLICEMAN.
I courted the fair Sally with frequency and zeal after the set back I
received from the Danish girl I had seen so little of, thought so much
about, and from whom I got such a stunning back-hander.
And Sally took very kindly to the courting. She was young, plump,
smart — just the least bit tart in temper, with a dash of pepper and vinegar
in her composition, which added spice to the sparking^ though they
might have proved rather too high seasoning as a regular diet.

123
I had been cultivating Sally before I ever laid eyes on Danish Greta ;
partly because Sally pleased me, because I was made welcome and com
fortable when I called, by both of the sisters, married and single, and
because it spited the brother-in-law who wanted to be husband-in-fact, to
see me coming there. /
Though Sally and I were so " thick " that the old gossips said " Big
Hans was going to marry that Sal. Higgins, or if he didn't he'd orter ;
and she'd hook him, sure as shootin, " and though I was careful not to
tell her of my encounter withifthe beauty of the cars, yet I had not actu
ally in my own opinion, committed myself and would never have done so
had not the message from California blasted all my hopes in that
direction. I knew that I had made a fool of myself, and with the weakness of
human nature, I wanted to make a fool of somebody else and so I
redoubled my attentions to Sally and she was evidently expecting, at my
every visit, to receive an invitation to become Mrs. Platform Police ; and
I must acknowledge that so far as actions went, she had a fair right to ex
pect such solicitation from me.
I used often, during the spare hours (I was my own master between
the arrival of trains), to run up and do a little extra sweethearting —
courting between courtings, as it were ; and sometimes, through careless
ness on my part, a general free-and-easy way we had of " slopping around''
out there, or some extra dusty work about the depot ; I would make a
call upon the beauty in working clothes that were decidedly the worse for
wear and would have been much better for brushing.
The damsel felt so certain of her coming promotion ; so sure that she
( would soon be sole proprietress of my heart and home, that she began to
assume some of the privileges of such ownership, and especially objected
to my occasional decidedly soiled appearance.
" I wish, Mr. Lykkejseger," she said, one day : " that you were more
careful of your appearance, if not out of respect for yourself, then
through the consideration you express for me."
" You come up here to see me, with your breeches in your boots, and
dirty, torn shirt, no collar, no coat, with your longhair standing seventeen
ways for Sunday , your beard all uncombed, your face
looking dirty, even if it ain't, and your whole ap
pearance fit for a tramp maybe, but not for a house
where you call to visit ladies. "
I felt hurt and somewhat indignant, especially
as this was a case somewhat of "pot calling kettle
black," for Miss Sally, though never what might be
called actuaUy slovenly, was yet s9 prone to en des
habille in her working hours, that " carelessness "
was a very mild word whereby to express her style.
When "prinked up" she was a tight, trim craft,
other times, " dowdy " is abput the figure of it.
I made no answer to Miss Sally at the time Of
her remonstrance of rebuke, the principal reason
being that Iyhad none handy to return. I thought
of several very cutting things I might have said in
saucy sally. reply, but as these sharp shots did not occur to me

124
for some days, and after long consideration, they hardly seemed worth
firing off and I waited for a chance to get square.
My mind works slowly — all great bodies do. s
But still I stuck to Sally, and she cottoned to me and her market was,
to all intents, made ; the final words only being wanting to close the bar
gain. For bargain it was more than anything else and we both knew it,
though the love-making went on as though it was real.
This was the state of affairs, when, one fine morning, a letter bearing
a strange post-mark was put in my hands. It was from Greta.
With a few plain words she stated her object in writing ; she said that
her brother and his people, with whom she had before lived, and who
knew of her meeting with, and letters from me, had written her that
there was a letter in their possession which they were sure was from me,
but they would not forward it to her. She • thought, and correctly, that
they only wrote this to tease her, and she wanted to be sure about it, so
she penned her inquiry to me.
This pen and ink communication from the object of my dreams, sent
the smouldering flames of love again into active blaze and my blue-
shirted bosom covered a regular barbecue bon-fire.
I answered that letter by return of maU, explaining that, rough as I
was, I had too much good breeding and self-respect, to have ever written
a line to a young lady who so decidedly forbade me so to do, and whom I
had so seriously, though unintentionally offended.
The amount of remorse, hope, fear, explanation, expostulation, des
peration, solicitation, admiration, and every other 'ation, I or any one else
ever thought of, that I put in this and subsequent letters (for the corres
pondence was renewed and waxed extensive), need not be recalled or
recited here. . The reader may, probably does know "just how it is,"
himself or herself.
To make a long story a short one, the course of true love was taken
up where it had been dropped, the break nicelyjoined with " soft sawder,"
all rough places smoothed over, and Greta promised to come to me if I
sent for her. ' .
She said nothing about the kind of ticket or mode of travelling ; she
had given me a liberal education on that point, in one written lesson.
Overjoyed, I certainly was, proud and almost happy ; not entirely
serene, however, for there was one fly buzzing about the sweetmeats of my
coming feast of the soul. It was Sally. What would she say, and worse
yet, what would she do? I " felt goose-flesh all over me " when I thought
of Sally. Through total loss of knowledge, and lack of invention, bow. to act, I
postponed making any decrease ih my attentions to Sally, and gave her no
intimation of the change in my matrimonial plans until the very last
moment. It would have walked into a hundred dollars and left a very large gap,
to have bought the ticket for Greta to come, in style, from her place of,
residence to Ogden, and, if that amount could be saved, it would do much
towards fitting up with household comforts.
So I wrote to the Assistant General Superintendent of the road, whp
knew me well, and, after dilating upon my long, faithful, and invaluable
services for the Company, I told of my coming marriage, explained that,

125
in order to prevent the RaUroad from being crippled by my absence from
my post, the lady had consented to come to me, and that I wanted, asked
for, and thought I ought to have a free ticket for her use. AU of which
the Station Master at Ogden endorsed as "O.K." and "approved," and
forwarded the document to headquarters.
I got the pass, sent it to Greta, and was notified of the day, hour, and
train in which to expect her.
And yet I was not happy. There was Sally !
I received a dispatch, Greta had started, would be there on time ; that
meant the next day. /
Did you ever hear " It is best to be off with the old love before you
are on with the new ; " I never had Ustened to the proverb but I felt it in
my bones. There was Sally Higgins !
That's what was the matter with me.

CHAPTER XXXIV.
ALL O. K.
There was just about twenty-four hours left for me to fight a grand
battle with Fate and Sally Higgins.
The moment I was at leisure for a few. hours J directed my footsteps
towards the scene of the pending conflict.
Fortune favored me, accident suggested cause, despair gave way to in
spiration. \
As I drew near to the home of the maiden whose fair hopes I so ruth
lessly proposed to forever extinguish, I beheld the lady, all unconscious of
my presence, in a very loose wrapper, very big and slippy slippers, with
mUk pail on arm, skirts held very high, picking her way over the barn
yard towards the cow shed.
The shapely " continuations " no longer appeared as models of grace
and beauty in my eyes, the stockings seemed loose and baggy, were evi
dently not over Clean, and from each base and rear of these foot coverings
bulged, in full sight and development, a round, red, rosy, bare heel.
I was disgusted as I compared this slatternly sight with a mental pic
ture of the trim, neat little woman that was traveUing in the direction of
my home and arms, and I wondered " how I could ever have thought
that Sally Higgins would suit me."
Such is life — and men.
I came to a right about, hurried into Ogden, and put in execution an
idea suggested by those tattered stockings and the spur of necessity.
Fixing myself up in " go-to-meeting" style, which meant putting on
cleaner and better clothes than usual, I went to the largest store in the
place and purchased one dozen ladies' stockings of excellent quaUty.
From every pair of these, except one to put on top of the lot in the
box, I carefully cut out the heels.
Then, white-shirted and shaved, I sought Sally.
I was welcomed to the house, and, after a little time, spent in fixing
up, the lady appeared in the room where I was awaiting her.
The weather had been discussed and skirmishers of conversation
thrown out, when, after a trine, I brought my masked guns into position.

126

With many explanations and assurances that I had no intention of
taking any undue liberty, I presented the offering I had brought.
"Don't apologize, Mr. Lykkejseger, " answered pleased Miss Sally, as
she took the well wrapped up package.
"We know each other weU enough to allow of some slight deviation
from strict rules. Anyhow, I always did think that if a gentleman thought
anything of a lady, it showed'more sense on his part to give her something
that would be serviceable and lasting,*than to be spending money for useless
trinkets or perishable articles. The stockings are just what I wanted and
I'm a thousand times obliged to you. "
"Hem ! Yes I Just so I " said I, "I rather thought you did want
stockings, and so I selected them as a present. I do not know if I got the
right size, but you can easily see."
" Oh yes, just wait a moment," and she hopped out to the kitchen tb
inspect the gift, to show her sister, and I doubt not, to conclude that the
final words were now to be spoken ; naturally she thought so, for when it
comes to giving stockings for presents, things must be pretty well to a
head — or heel.
During the few moments of her absence, I was in a quandry, whether
to cut and run before her return or wait and " see it out." I looked for
and laid handy my hat ; I put the door wide open, I assured myself that
the dog was chained up and that the men were all away at work ; I
counted how many steps would take me into the high road — I had my line
of retreat aU planned out and open, so I waited.
But not long, Sally was back, in a very few moments, a pair of stock
ings in each fist, and ten paris more, with only one pair of heels in the lot,
over her arms and shoulders. She didn't quite know how to take in the
situation yet, and her action and speech were undecided.
"Why, look here! "she said, "what does this mean? there's some
mistake ; the people at the store must have been giving, you damaged
goods, there's only one pair of these stockings that have heels in them."
I grabbed my hat, stood on my feet, took another look to be certam
that aU was clear for a
run. "Miss SaUy, lam
awrare that you have
very decided opinions
in regard to dress and
personal appearances ;
more than once you
have rated me on my
neglect and want of
propriety in appearing
before you in my work
ing clothes. You hurt
my feelings, but I said
=~s nothing. This morri-
I^s=- ing, I wandered up
THE STOCKINGS GET ME « THE MITTEN." ^y^ ^^ ^
saw you crossing the yard; you did not see me, your high held dress and

127
your low heeled slippers enabled me to study carefuUy the pecuUarities of
each foot covering. I thought that either from economy or for purposes
of ventilation you had adopted heelless stockings from choice, for such sec
tions were certainly not in either of those articles of which I had such an
extensive view this morning. This is why I amputated those I bought
for you. The amazement of the girl rendered her speechless for the time it took
me to shoot off my little speech.
But she wasn't speechless very long, not very.
I have remarked before that Sally had a temper ; she-showed then that
she had not lost any of it, that she had a more than ample stock on hand
and on tongue equal to any and all demands, and she drew upon it in the
most liberal way to pay me for the "outrage," "insult," "brutality,"
etc., etc.
I can't, I reaUy can't, do the matter justice. I can't just remember
what she did and what she didn't'say. There was a mixture of red-
peppers, vitriol, nitro-glycerine, red-hot pokers, tears, tongue-lashings, re
proaches, threats, bad-names, scalding water, blazing-eyes, flying finger-
naUs, erupting volcanoes, spouting geysers, and cyclonious blizzards, and
stockings that defies description — I give it up. t
She gave me up. She told me to go, never to return. That was what
I wanted her to teU me; that was what I was hunting for ; the balance pf
what she told me I received as verbal embroideries, embellishments, and
figures of speech, incident, but not material to the " sack " I was anxious
she should give me.
Hat in hand, hand on door knob, I bowed my adieu.
" I wish you a very good day, Miss SalUe, and a good-bye also."
And I skipped.

CHAPTER XXXV.
GOOD.
Greta came.
AU smiles, plumpness, health, beauty, truthful frankness, and trusting
innocence, she came. . *
And then I was happy.
I had arranged that her comforts on the journey should be attended
to and provided for, by communicating with parties at the different stations
on the route, and good nature, with curiosity to see the girl who was com
ing to marry Rig Hans, made all my friends along the road very prompt
in seeking her out. \
I may say here, that, though I was in receipt of a very considerable
salary and by some private speculations and mercantile ventures increased
my income, yet, payment of back debts, as before mentioned, had kept me
comparatively poor, and would continue to do so for some time to come.
I had written all this to Greta, told her honestly how I was fixed and
how little we would have at first.
I make this explanation to show that my sweetheart then, my wife
now did not marry me from cool, calculating, mercenary motives.
Whether I was " all her fancy painted me " or not, she had made up her
mmd that I was a man she could love and trust, and she married me from
love and took me on trust.

128
Her reply to my confession of poverty was that she had decided and
promised to marry me and she would keep her word.
" If we have no bed, we can sleep on the floor."
" If we have no chairs we can sit on boxes."
"If we have no butter, we can eat dry bread, and sweeten it with the
conserve of content. "
That's what my true hearted Danish girl wrote me.
Hadn't I struck luck ?

CHAPTER XXXVI.
BETTER.
On her arrival I took Greta to the house of an elderly lady friend, and
we had a long talk over our plans and hopes for the future.
When she had somewhat rested, I proposed that she should take a short
walk and see the town:
Together we went out and sauntered through the streets, a very well
contented and much looked after couple.
As we walked and chatted, I spied a well known, short, neatly dressed
gentleman approaching us.
" My girl," I said, " what did you come here for ? " •
"Don't you knoiv ? " was the reply.
" ShaU we get married ? " I asked.
" Please yourself and you'll please me," I got in answer.
"There's a gentleman coming, over there, who can tie us up that
way," said I; "he's the Methodist minister. "
"All right," said Greta.
That settled it. / i
So I crossed the road and accosted the parson, told him my sweetheart,
had come on, that we intended to get married, might as well do it at once,
and wanted him to do the job.
"I'm just going down to the butcher's to get some meat for dinner,"
said he. I'll be home in half an hour, will that suit you ? "
i "Exactly," said I.
So I went back to Greta, took her to the widow's house again, and,
while the minister went to get his meat, I made my arrangements to have
" my hash 'settled. "
My own preparations were simple, inexpensive and hurried.
With that perfectly excusable and all womanly desire ,for proper wed
ding fixings, Greta had all her "things" prepared for the momentous
occasion, her baggage was hurried up to the landlady's house, and from
the trunk was taken all the "trotting harness " and paraphernalia peculiar
to and necessary for the event, and on my return I found my demure little
grub transmogrified into a most gorgeous butterfly, blooming and blushing,
sweet and spreading, rosy and ready.
I bought a paper collar, a pair of cuffs of the same material, articles of
apparel to which I was little used ; astonished and improved my boots by
a " shine," gave an extra hist to my breeches, by taking a reef in my sus
penders ; my coat was rather short, and the' rear section of my pantaloons
might have been in better repair ; and my wedding costume was complete.*
Greta and I were at the minister's " on time."

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