VALE UNIVERSITY LIBHABY

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Kershoot , Lou j s
Address. . .
Greenfield, ld59.

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CJOS-
YALE UNIVERSITY
LIBRARY

1941

-A.DDIIESS

GENERAL HERR YON LOUIS KERSHOOT,
POEM

JARED THEOPHILUS SACKSPHELLOW,

DELIVERED BEFORE THE

HARDSCRABBLE YEOMANRY,

JTJLY 4, 1S59.

"WITH AN ACCOUNT OF THE PKOCEEDINGS, &C., &C.

GREENFIELD :
PUBLISHED BY JAMES W. (JHAPMAN.
1859.

Gen. Herr Von Louis Kershoot, Bear Sir: — The undersigned, (officers of the
Hardscrabble Yeomanry) take this occasion to tender their sincere thanks
for the very able, eloquent and highly interesting address, delivered by you
before our command on the morning of July 4, 18.59, commemorating the
Independence of the United States of America, and many other important
events, which have since transpired.
Inasmuch as the Patriotic sentiments therein contained, should h'e the
feelings of our Countrymen for all time to come, and that it may be pre
served and presented to an admiring public, as a guide for the future, we
unanimously request that a copy be furnished us for publication.
Brigadier Corporal, Lieut. Sergeant Gen. EZEKIEL GURREYBULDIE.
General Kornrobert,
General Mackmahoney,
Capt. Solomon Jenkins,
" CuTANDSLASH,
" FiREEATER,
Hon. Jared Theophilus Sacksphellow,
MonsHans Symen Von Schkkmerhohn,
ICARIUS HlPPOCRATAMUS, M. D. &e.
HEAD QUARTERS, CAMP GURREY,}
Greenfield Mass., July 5, 1859. j

No. 6 Merchants'' Row, Greenfield, Mass., July 6, 1859.
Gentlemen : — I beg leave to acknowledge the receipt of your note of yes
terday. I am highly gratified by the favorable opinion therein expressed,
of the Oration delivered by me before the Grand Military Corps under your
command on the late " Fourth," and I hasten with pleasure, to comply with
your request to furnish a copy for publication. Allow me to avail myself
of this occasion, to renew to you, gentlemen, the assurance of my most
profound and distinguished consideration. VON LOUIS KERSHOOT.
To his Excellency, Gen. Gurreybuldie, Commander in Chief; Gen.
Kornrobert, Gen. Mackmahoney and others.

ADDRESS.

Gents, Ossifers and fellow Sogers of the Hard Yeoman Scrdbhlery,
and Feller Citizens :
When in the course of inhuman events, it becomes unnecessary
for the patrio's of our kedntry to make a public demonstration, " that
is to say," to show theirselves, for the purpose of keepin' alive and
kickin' the remembrance of the immortal deeds of our successors, a
decent respect for private opinion, as well as a decent regard for our
own spiritual welfare ; requires that those thrillin' and heart bustin'
deeds and those briUiant victories, in the times which tried men's
shoes, in which you, my beloved bruthering, took an active part in
your proporero personareo should be the subjects of anna-mad-ver
sion. Venerable men ! As I witnessed your transparent display this
mornin' before the tree-tops on old Shelburne Mountains were tippled
with the effloressunt beams of Old Solomon, the great king of day ;
with your " brows crowned with victorious wreaths," as Ned Forrest
says, I could not help thinkin' of the refulgent, sublime march of
the American Army once upon a lime, as Cobb says in the Ledger,
from Cambridge to Dodgester under the command of a feller by the
name of George Washington. But here the parrallax stops, for
weve no enemy within the city and no fortyfication to instruct.
Feller Citizens I The sperit of this airly hour rouses lots of
pleasant and patriotic assosheations — the wiltin' remembrances of
our airly days, rest on your beautiful faces like the sweet dew ofthe
mornin' — around your graceful forms the big memories of old '76
cling like gatherin' fog. And away in the idiosyncranocracy of
your boyhood the vartues of the pilgrim fathers shine like the Rory
Borelious ! Your debut on this gelorious Demisemicentenrial adver
sary, is now hailed by Iihureal Kores in sweeter stranes than sun
rise ever drawed out'n the Grecian Statterrary. Now then, my con-
fectionale companions in alms, in behaf or three-quarters of the hard
handed yeomanry, and of the cherry-nosed, angellifterous maidens,
and of the Hard Scrabblers generally, young and old, bond or free,
male or female, I bid you welcome ! Welcome — thirteen times wel
come, ye heroes of one hundred and seventy-nine battles ! Your

4
valler is only equalled by your beauty, and your patriotism by your
indescribable and irremediable uniforms ! In the sparkle of your
eyes and the flush of your noses, I see the germs of a new and uneek
set of beins. In your martial heir — your interesting travail and
gracefulness of mus'tasheroes, I predict for you, an affectionate con
ception by the ladies— in the dazzle and ring of your equipments, in
the perfection of your animal exercises — and in your obedience to
the word of command, I prophecy a greater measure of safety to
the boundless extent of Hardscrabble Tearilory, than was ever since
enjoyed ! The countless multitude in attendiance here this morniti',
is owin', no doubt, to the combined influence of the press ard pulpit,
in bringin' the notice of our patriotic celebration before the people,
but in such an everlastin' crowd as this, enymost anuf to bust the
town open, we have abundiant proof that the Yeomanry in this sec
tion are bilin' over with 4th of July's and it is necessary, for the safe
ty of the republic, to give 'em a chance oncet in a while to oncork
theirselves. O ! how the ardent sperits of the past rise up before
my eyes and manifest themselves thru you, as their natural affinner-
ties. I fancy I hear Richard Gridly rappin' to Asa Pollard, to have
him get down out o' the way of jhem British Shootin' Irons. Me
thinks I can hear the sperit rappins on the rai!in' yender, of the
pickaxe and spade as they are swung by them brawny arms, buildin'
the retrenchments — and on your angelic countenances 1 can see Gin-
eral Warren, writin' the transcendentalaginary words that he whisper
ed into the ear of Elbridge Gerry, " It is sweet to die for our coun
try." More'n all that, yender in his Barowtch, sets the noble and
superanimated veteran hero, Elbridge Gerry himself, who fit on old
Bunker Hill, eighty four years ago the 17th day of last June, sweat-
in, like a mule in a sugar press and thru the heat and blood and dust
of their circumvaluations, you could see the everlastin' determination
slickin' right eout o' his countenance to go it if it split him 1 He's
the same feller, my christian friends, that could not understand the
dispensation of Providence, that took Gen. Warren, and left him !
and here the old feller is, " Hic Jacket." In the inspirin' language
of the member of Beverly, which was so aptly quoted by our Ex
M. C. over the way —
" Strike the tongo! Blow the hugag !
Let the loud hogannah sound !
Sing turulturoo to the God of War ! "
which bein' interpreted means give him a pint of pea-nuts !
Now, in the circumblimalion of this pillucid mornin', as we take a
prospective view and look back upon your unmentionable deeds under
Geo. Washington at Trenton and Yorktown — or Gates at Saratoga,
or Warren and Putnam at Bunker Hill — or Green at Camden — or
Stark at Bennington — or Ethan Allen at Ticonderoga: we have every
reason to feel as proud as a peacock of our kedntry, and every per-
centive to noble and patriotic deeds.
And when, arter spreadin' ourselves under our own vine and fig
tree for thirty years or so, enjoyin' the blessins of peace, love and

liberty — eatin' our own pea-nuts, and skinnin' our own eals ; we
was agin called to the sanguinaceous field, they found us up and
dressed, like a cock-a-du-dle-du, just as the revolutioners was; with
our bangyers on the outer walls, and what Jackson at Tippecanoe,
and Harrison at New Orleans didn't du on land, Bainbridge and De-
cater and Lawrence and Perry and Macdonugh did du on the water
and made up in good round measure tu.
Well, arter we'd used 'em up the second time, the Britishers kind'er
caved in, and ever sense when they heave in sight of the
" Land of the Free,
And the home of the Brave,"
they begin tu feel like treating us with a little more bonus mores. —
And now let us take another straddle of thirty years, or thereabouts,
which empraces the age of railroads and locomotives — Cotton — Gins
and spinnin' Jennies — Fire engines and Steamboats, and a multitude
of other useful conventions, that, bein' its most breakfast time, I can't
begin to remunerate. And allow me to interrupt the thread of my
speech, while I express a hope that in all the exhuberance and joy
which an occasion like this is sure to produce, we may remember to
be thankful that our country is at peace with all the world, and likely
to continue so.
This fetches us smack dab into the fantasmagoria of the Mexican
war ! There we find old Red and Ruffy, a settin' straddle of old
Whitey and didn't know when he was licked. Gen. Scott, too, who
left his plate of Soup at Washington, and who chizzled his way
through them rantankerous creowl Mexicans, from Vera Cruze to the
Halls of Mountezumy the first time trying ; went in for large slices,
and showed to the world and the rest of mankind that the blood that
squirtulated through the innards of the heroes of '76, still remained
pure in its transmogrification from generation to generation.
Where the brave and gallant Ransom fell and Chepultepec drank
the blood of one of Nature's Noblemen, and where the heroic Perse
and intrepid Cushion undertook to conquer an enemy by making love
to the Senoritas — And while Scott and Taylor gained the applause
and gratitude of their Countrymen tu hum. Perse and Cushion gained
the affections of the dark-eyed Belladonys. But 'twas just as well
after all, for one got into the white house by the use ot Cupid's bow
and arrers, and the other by villainous salt-peter.
Now let us invert for a minit, to the age of improvements, that pre
ceded directly after this war I — Look at yer Telegraphs, and hark
and hear that electric clock beat at a distance ofa thousand miles! —
Look at yer artist and see what an unconceivable power he employs
to make his picters — the great journeyman painter of the skies, the
same one who paints the rainbow and the roses, and who seldom
makes a blunder when you give him a fair sitting.
Look at yer steamships, so big they can't make a round turn 'thout
goin' round the Bermudas— -yer yachts and yer reapers that beat Old
England all to smash — yer agricultural implements and yer shootin'
irons Why, if you'll bleive me, they've got a macheen they use in
this section for a healin' apparatus, and in the South they use the same

consarn for a refrigerator ! Look all this in the face, and say if ye
ever knowed a Kedntry that's got tho go-ahead that this of ourn has.
Most sartiiinly we can say in the language of our resfjected Waler-
Superintendunt, to whom we are indebted for yender beautiful mare-
maid, whose water starts and dries up at his command, tu wit : Hoc
est inviscertbus meis bonum, which means bein' interpreted, " There's
a thousand things to everything, and you can't always tell."
Moreover, neverlheless, besides ; these wonderful showins are not
confined to machinery. I reckon we've done some pretty tall things
in ihe judicial department. There is the bulgery case of Sickles ! —
who distroyed the Key to his wife's affections and came out of the
trial without scorching nary hair, same as them three Bible fellers
that was dumped into the firy furnace in the days of Luther Marlin !
O, my brulherin', verily I say unto you, there's no use 'n havin'
Courts and Judges now a days, when the verdicks are made up afore
hand by the tag-rag, and bob-tails, that hang round the court room !
And sjjeakin' of judges, reminds me how our Gineral Court swop'd
one set on 'em for another, and I reckon they come eout pretty much
as the feller did that undertook to git red of his hoss by swoppin' eout.
Well, he went at it and swopped clean eout first time tryin'.
But Oh, my dearly beloved brulherin', I have had my graverty
agertated clean from the very foundation stun, till I fairly lost my
ekernomity, in thinkin' over how ihem judges, each on 'm thinkin
they blong'd to the elect, and should sartinly be saved, and rollin' the
idee like a sweet morsel under their tongues; should find themselves
cut off shorter 'n a rabbit's tail, without benefit of the clergy, and
the people that had known 'em as judges, should know 'em no more
forever. 'Twas sad, to be sure, but ihen 1 could't help larfin', for it
put me in mind of the story of a feller who was goneter cut his dog's
tail short off, and on rasiu' his axe to sirike, the dog jumped, and by
so doin, he got his head chopt off. Well, seein' what he'd done, he
proceeded to remark that he meant to cut the varmint's tail off pooty
short, but that's too short by a dam sight!
Now then, my feller hard-heads, in view of this circumrevolution-
izin' age, alow me to very respectfully inquire, whar should we have
been now — and whar all this supernumerary progress if it hadn't
a been for the back-bone and patriotism of our immortal fourfathers.
And whar are they now. Now it's kinder sad lo ihink that out'er
all that bright array of Revolutioners,— the pure g-oZcZ of humanity, —
there ain' more'n about one hundred and ffly on 'em livin'. Thay've
gi'n in, one by one, to that onscruplerous, and onsotiable enemy who
won't be cnntent till he's got 'em all. No doubl their spirits are jer-
romanderin' and pulvei'izin' round here on this occasion and ready
to pull you by the sleeve, when you are goin' to do wrong, and pat
you on the shoulder when you du the right thing. Now then, wilh
an affectionate malfdiction, we'll take leave of them al the present
in the beautiful and compressive language of the apostle Nicodemus —
" Requis-cat-in-pieces." The sperit which animated them, animates also, and quickens the

pulse of every trew patriot. It breathes in every zephyr from Lex*
ington and Bunker Hill. It speaks in the rollin' thunder from the
plains of Yorktown. It plays areound the trundle-bed of the mid
night dreamer in the crackle and crisp of the lotlerin' step of the
starvin' soldier from the dcpih of valley Forge. Il bursts upon our
vision in every streak of lightnin' from Camden and Saratoga — It
sings in the whizzin' arrer, and ringin' hoope of the savage from our
own quiet vale of Bloody Brook. It startles the senses of every
Americon in the rejuvenating echoes from the larunx of Elhan Allen
of Ticonderogy as he thundered away at the gate, " In the name of
the Greal Jehovah and the Continental Congress." It is reflected in
every wave thai rolls and shines and Shimmies on the bosom of Old
Erie and Champlain : And my bruther heroes, it lives and sticks
right eout o' you, " here and now," and while some are tryin' to live
thru the grime and heat of Broadway — and others are spreadin them
selves by the salubricatin' waters of Saratoga, and Newport and
Shutesbury — you have resembled here under the rumbrageoii'! shad-
der of this sublime water-pole, around which the undaunlless fire
man are soon to gather, and while their masheens rest quietly at its
foot, their streams will " linger and play upon its summit ! "
You have met, with the stamp of genius on your brows, lo com
mune with the fathers and fight your battles over agin. Now among
all those old fellers, that you'd naterally think of lo day who like you
fit, and bled, and died for their country : don't George Washington
take the shine right off 'n the hull on 'em } To speak honestly as a
christian sinner ought tu, want he a waker .'' In all them discourag-
in' times, don't he loom up like a loon in the fog } Whether as
leader of our armies, or al the head of our Conventions, or as Chief
Magistrate of this glorious union ; don't he take em all down entire
ly } And we need'nt confine ourselves to this country in our compar
isons of George Washington tiuther. In the mildness and firmness
of his administration — In his simplicity, tranquility and serenity, jest
the same when he got licked as when he licked, in his humanity
amidsi the tough and rumble of camps — In the judgment which reg
ulated his conduct in battle, he has no equal either in this world or in
the World to cum. By his side Alexander dwindles down tu noihin',
Cesar becomes nobody, and Napoleon Bonaparte is no-whar. He is
the consummate flower that blooms but oncet, but blooms forever.
The man that wont throw up his cap for George Washington and hail
him as the Father of his country, ought ler have his trowsis thrung
out o' the winder !
And what an inheritance he has left us ! Look at our 33 United
States ! The most sublime and prolific cluster that ever growed on
the stem of universe ! Then there's Massachusetts ! in the words of
the greatest statesman that ever New England produced or ever will,
" Look at her " — The greatest of the 33 ! and then here's Greenfield
which takes the rag off'n all the towns except " Hampden Park.''''
Jest call lo mind, feller citizens, the active part our town has taken in
the settlement of this country, and if you can find a tov.'n or city

• 8
that's done more things worth fellin' on — say from the time that
Capt, Turner druv the red-skins over the dam ker-slummux, down to
this inovalion, you'd belter make a note on't and have it put inter
the Dictionary.
" In th6 first place to begin wilh," there's the famous battle at the
old gun house fort, on Prospect Hill yender, where Gineral Maltoon
and Major Hoyt with their 3 regiments led their forlorn hopes, wilh
their bums bustin', and their pistils flashin', and their drums beaiin'
the revelation ; where the blood run down ihe hill as fast as the so-
jers did. And some of them very self-same antydeluvion heroes,
jined this impregnated throng to day, and could " shoulder a crutch
and show how fields are won," if they had a mind tu ! Then the
squirmishes and nocturnal squobbles for the possession of the celebrat
ed cannon, and more'n all that, we are honored on this suspicious
day, by the presence of the real aboriginal bony-fidy simon-pure dis
coverers of the BIRD TRACKS, that the newspapers and monsterclope-
dias are makin' such a rumpus abeout. Now I reckon yeou'll agree
wilh me that a feller can't be called the discoverer of anything jest
because he rit some scientiferic things abeout it. If he can, then
Chrislofer Columbus want the discoverer of Ameriky ! No Sirree,
Greenfield takes the credit of that discovery or else there'll be wars
and rumers of wars, compared to which, the battle of Mountebellow
and Anguinium will wilt and dwindle down to a pop-squirt ! There
fore in the language of Thomas Shakespeare, ^ai^ws/jHix ruatcelum,
which means, let "justice be done or down goes yer waggon." And
now to climb the cap-axe we are a goin' lu bore a hole rite thru the
bowils of Old Hoosick, big enuf to let the President, Directors, and
the tu million loan run thru — bringin' tu pass the sayin' " Every val
ley shall be exalted, and every mountin shall be bored thru." Psalms
78—15. I desire to announce to you on this invigorating occasion, that the
justly celebrated company of vocalists, called " Continentals,''^ will
give one of iheir choice Concerts at Washington Hall, at 6 o'clock
this P. M., and from my personal knowledge of the musical abilities
of these gentlemen, you'll get sweeter harmony, purer patriotism, and
more of tbe true essence of enjoyment by listening to them, than
you can out of all the Ethiopians that ever kicked a tambourine,
with Ole Bull and Picklehominy threw in, and 1 advise ye all to go.
Now notwithstanding it is July— I still feel this to be truly an au
gust assembly and as I look areound upon yeour expressive faces, I
feel sure there's a sense of satisfaction reslin' at the foundation of
you all toward each other, in view of the honorable parts you have
each performed this morning. Gen. Washington was proud of the
noble american hearts that clung to him thru thick and thin. Napo-
leon bestowed the tallest praise on the Old Guard. Nelson loved
them fellers that wouldn't "give up the ship." Old Shays was over
come by the courage of his troops on Springfield Hill, and Tom Dorr
with the bravery of the chepatched heroes. But if ever livin' Com
manders had reason to be proud as a peacock, those men must be

Gen. Jerry Bald Eye, your veteran Commander-in-Chief, and his Gen
erals, whose transcendental military prowess has never been equalled
and whose equipage would make Old Sloque the Emperor of Hayti
jump out of his skin, and similis simili gaudet. The sojers are
equally delighted with their Ginerals ; and allow me to hope that
when another animal revolution of this circumgyration planet shall
bring reound another 4th of July, yeou may all be spared to re-as
semble here in sound health, wilh your loins girt about with the ar
mor of Patriotism, your pockets full of pea-nuts, and your whole toot
and stumble as interesting as it is to day.
For like the faithful mariner
" YoQ are born for all weather.
Let the winds blow high or blow low,
Your duty keeps you to your tethers.
And where the gale drives you must go."
Here we are all equal, and all brothers, and all right, 'cause ye see
we're all barkin' up the same tree. The Americans used tu say
(that is tu say, our neighbor over the way, did in dark lantern times,)
that " a sense of fear has struck the great heart of the nation" — and
we wanted the furriners to study our institutions a few years afore
they undertook to say who is who, thru the ballot box. Well the Re
publicans, they've been and stuck 'em a little stronger with their tu
years amendment, — and the Dimmercrals have gone the hull hog, by
sayin' that they aint none of our bread and cheese arter they du vote,
but if they go to Europe for fun or for bizness, they've got to walk
up to the Capt's Offis, and fight for their old sovereigns, stiff or lim
ber. But no politics here, totus teres atque rolundus ; which means,
in the beautiful language of Lucy Stone, thank God we're all Demo
crats, all Republicans and all Americans.

I'OEm:.

Lines to the " Hardscrabble Yeomanry," by the "Peasant Bard," with
some additions by Jared Theophilus Sacksphellow, poet laureate to the
Hardscrabble Yeomanry.
Ye bloody heroes of this mighty nation,
You've listened to a wonderful oration.
Now, 'fore you mingle inthe bloody fray.
Here what poetaster's got to say.
And you ye muses from your dizzy rooat
Hop down, and give my hurable verse a boost ;
With tallest kind of inspiration come.
And make these heroes think, their poet's " some."
First we'll praise the generous fair.
Who gave these floral beauties rare ;
We're a very grateful poet.
And feel quite anxious they should know it.
" Sogers! on this red day,
Parade we will and must ;
If any soul say nay.
That soul shall bite the dust."
" Didn't our Fathers fight I
And don't the Eagle fly ?
There's nothing by a pesky sight,
That wiggles half so high."
Red foes we drove away,
Or chawed them into bits ;
And in the swamps of Florida,
We gave the niggers fits.
The mormon cocks can't crow,
We've slaughtered every soul,
And on the plains of Mexico,
We swallowed " greasers " whole.
We're a busting nation,
We prove it every day ;
We can lick out all creation,
And frighten Paraguay,

11
Where in annals gory.
Have arms won such renown,
Or such undying glory.
As ours did at Greytown ?
History's pages make a dash,
'Bout Bona's, Dukes, and Neros,
W'ed knock 'em to eternal smash,
With Gurrybuldie's heroes.
Wellington was England's boast,
The French puff Bony, fierce.
We'd chaw 'em both like buttered toast,
With our brave Franklin Pierce.
Wait a little, yet I say.
You'll see our streaked banner.
Go squirming over Canada,
Go flopping o'er Havana.
" Then Sogers ! on this day.
We'll rally in our might.
Let all creation clear the way.
For Gun and Bagnet bright."
"Our officers are brave.
Each soger is a host.
We'll change the flesh of foeman knave,
Into a howling ghost."
" O, blood and bowels I men !
I see it in your eyes —
You look like very devils when
The tar-bangled-spanner-flies I "
" Your coats may not be new.
Your breeches may have holes.
But, O ! by thunder ! what a crew
Of red fire-eating souls ! "
" Restrain your ardor, men.
We fear to say much more.
Lest folks the Elephant shall see.
And hear the Lion roar."
'' You're like volcano dire,
Just sprinkled o'er with dirt.
You're like prize-put-out-fire.
E'er it begins to squirt."
" Just take your eye
And throw it o'er yon herrin-pond,
Where foeman grapples foe,
And feeble youths abscond."

12
" Which one of you is quick
And ready with the pen ?
Come forward Tom, or Dick,
You all are good, — but then.
We want the man who knows
State papers best to write ;
Before they come to heavy blows,
Tell them that we can fight."
" Tell them if they don't soon
Their little matters settle.
Sure as the Sun, and Moon,
They'll feel the floodwood mettle,"
" Bid them shake hands in love.
Or surely as they breathe.
They'll see above, the Yankee dove
The ' all-Damnables ' beneath."
" Yes ! with our gleaming arms,
We'll quell them into peace,
Or smash both Kings and Emperors
To little spots of grease ! "
" Sogers, each mother's son
The taller and the shorter.
What lack we now we've done.
But peppermint and water V

13

REVOLUTIONARY RELICS.

CJ-IIEIE!:^!^!!:!:.!}, MI^SS., July 4, 1859.

Ye Patriots, all who love your Country's cause,
Come greet her heroes, bleeding from the wars ;
In martial pomp, with glorious array.
They'll spread themselves, on this auspicious day.

The unterrlfied Hardscrabble Yeomanry, of this town, will cele
brate the anniversary of that ever glorious, memorable day, when
our Forefathers resolved no longer lo submit lo the insolent demands
of a foreign power, and gave to the world the declaration that they
were Freemen and that " the States of America were, and of right,
ought lo be free and independent " — they not only resolved but by
their ads proved to the world that they were entitled to the proud
appellation of Freemen. " With arms that were strong, and hearts
that were true," they braved and surmounted every difficulty and
danger : neither intimidated by threats nor conquered by power, wilh
patience and fortitude they bore the heat and burden of perilous days.
The names and services of those distinguished Patriots who helped
to achieve our liberties, are deserving of lasting remembrance —
never shall they or their immortal deeds be forgotten, while a spark
of gratitude remains in American breasts. How different our situa--
tion and feelings this da}', from what they must have been, had we
tamely submitted to the unrighteous demands that were made upon
us. Instead of cringing before a foreign monarch, we stand this day
a free, happy and independent people. Proudly soars the American
Eagle, his wings unclipt, not a feather ruffled, his plumage resplend
ent with beauty and brilliancy, dazzling even the brightness of the
noonday sun ; he carries wilh him on his lofty flight, the happiness.
and welfare of Thirty lUillions of Freemen, who this day
meet lo commemorate with honest enthusiasm and ardent feelings of
gratitude and joy, the redemption of this nation from political bondu
age. Let it not be said, men of Hardscrabble, that the patriotism
of your ancestors has been transmitted to degenerate sons, but rally,
rally in your might, and show that you are prepared lo protect and,
defend the priceless legacy bequeathed you by Patriot Sires,
PROGRAMME.
At early dawn the Hardscrabble Yeomanry wilt assemble at theii
Rendezvous, under the command of his Excellency, Brigadier Cor
poral, Lieutenant Sargeant General, Ezekiel Gurreybuldie, Comi-
mander in Chief of the United army and navy of Hardscrabble and
vicinity. At 4 o'clock the reveille will sound, at 4,10 it will dry up
— at this time a national salute of thirteen Torpeloes. will be fired,

14
denoting the original states of the Confederacy, and one Pin wheel
will be ignited, illustrating the grand and harmonious union of the
whole. N. B. — The yeomanry are not responsible for any accident that
may occur from premature discharge, but will see that the night Po
lice and Surgeon are in attendance.
At 4,20 the roll will be called, and all Yeoman absent, or not fur
nishing a good excuse and twenty-five cents legal tender, will be seiz
ed and shot immediately if not sooner. N. B. Yeomen be wary !
Look sharp ! ! Let no man fall a martyr to this cause ! ! ! (The
Yeomen are cautioned against the too free use of pea-nuts in the
ranks.) The division will forra in solemn column and march in the
following order :
1. His excellency, the Commander in Chief on his favorite War
horse, " My Mary Ann," presented him by Kammewhanghai, the
Sultan of the Islands of Sardines and Grease, — he will be supported
on the right and left by Generals Kornrobert and MackMahoney, blood
stained heroes, having done service on an hundred (imaginary) battle
fields, who will assist his Excellency in keeping the line in motion,
promulgating orders, &c.
2. The Cavalry, under the command of the brave and gallant Sol
omon Jenkins, who led the forlorn hope in the terrible charge at
Barkelaffer — amid the carnage and strife his commanding form
was seen striking terror and dismay lo all who opposed his progress.
(N. B. General Taylor's war horse, " Old Whitey," will not precede
this Corp.)
• 3. The Hardshell Harmonists, under the lead of the renowned
Musician, Mons. Hans Symen Von Schermenhoorn, from instruments
of rare and unique construction, will awake the slumbering echoes
by the sweet and syren strains of " Hi-Betly-Marlin," "As I was
going to Darby," " Let me wander not unseen," " Toad on a Log,"
and  so forlh. The accuracy with which this Band wades through
the most difficult pieces, is truly astonishing, — they play a tune back
wards with the same readiness as in the regular manner, without be
ing dizzy or loosing a note.
4. Company A, under the command of the high, mighty and blood.
thirsty Captain Culandslash, as brave a soldier as ever from his Scab
bard drew  a rusty sword.
5. The Orator and Poet.
6. The venerable Icarius Hippocratamus, M. D. L. L. D. D. D.
X., Surgeon to the Army and Navy, will be prepared for any emer
gency, his carriage (the identical one taken from Santa Anna in
Mexico) will contain the contents of seven " Shotecary pops " beside
the necessary tools for extracting balls, amputating legs, arms, heads
etcetera. He will also be provided with six ounces of dirt taken
from Hampden Park, a sure cure for potatoe rot, in all cases, if
taken in season.
1. The Remnant of that noble, spartan Band, the General Com.
mittee, worn down by excessive toil, reduced in numbers by the un-

16
sparing hand of lime, the ravages of disease, and the almost super«
human amount of labor, by them performed, present to the beholder,
true objects of sympathy and pity.
8. Old and dilapidated Soldiers of the Revolution.
N. B. Men wilh one eye, one arm, or other slight deficiencies of
the coporeal system, will take precedence over those who are sound
in limb, &c.
9. Company B, commanded by the Patriotic, the chivalrous and
valorous warrior, Capt. Fire-eater, whose fearless bravery inspiriting
his men, has ever led that gallant corps to victory.
The Procession will pass through the principal streets of the town,
not to mention the thoroughfares. Al 7 o'clock, town i'yme, they will
form in front of the Common, from which on a stage erected at no
small expense will be delivered an oration, by the distinguished Gen
eral Herr Von Louis Kershoot, well known throughout the civilized
world, by his eloquence and wisdom will enchain, amaze and delight
the assembled multitude, for the space of twenty minutes. After
which the Hon. Jared Theophilus Sacksphellow poet laureate to the
Hardscrabble Yeomanry, will relate in lofly verse, the patriotic
thoughts and feelings of the American Eagle as he surveys the won
drous scene before him.
The exercises will conclude with a grand, double barrelled, large
octavo solo, by the full band, afler which the Commander-in-Chief
will order the disbandment of the Yeomanry, and each and every
raan will leave for home, as fast as possible, the band playing the
sympathetic, touching and appropriate melody of the Rogue's march.
Ye Yeomanry of the surrounding towns are cordially invited to
participate in. this celebration. All who appear in uniform, armed
and equipped, as the law directs, either by companies or as individ
ual volunteers, will be assigned honorable places in the ranks.
PER ORDER.
Head Quarters, June 23, 1859.

16

ATTENTION YEOMANRY.
General Order, No. 1. Head Quarters, H. S. Y., June 25, 1859.
The Hardscrabble Yeomanry are commanded to appear at i^ranA-
lin Hall, this, Saturday Evening, at 8 o'clock. Let every Yeoman
be on hand. GURREYBULDIE.
Promulgated by Generals Kornrobert and Mackmahoney.

ATTENTION TO ORDERS.

By order of the Commander-in-Chief, the Yeomanry will assem
ble on Devens Street promptly, at four o'clock, A. M. July 4. Ev
ery Yeoman will come provided with a Clean Shirt, and Twenty-five
cents. The line will be formed at 4,15 and march prt-dsely at 4.30.
Let every man be on hand at the appointed time.
««n»™i= KORNROBERT and
i^enerais MACKMAHONEY.
Head Quaeters, H. S. Y. July 2, 1859.

17

(From the "Franlfliu Democrat,"— July 11, 1859.)
Al 4 o'clock, A. M., the famous battallion of " Hardscrabble Yeo
manry " assembled in Devens Street, and such a group of characters
was probably never seen in mortal form. There were uniforms
from the Mexican, Algerine, Turkish, Chinese and other armies —
equipages thai must have tasked the ingenuity of all of Milton's Sa
tanic characters combined, and for a description of which, Webster's
Unabridged fails altogether, and unless Worcester's forthcoming
work shall furnish an additional stock of adjectives the absent world
must forever remain in ignorance The display of horses was ab
solutely astounding. The Springfield Horseshow, by ils side fades
out of sight !
The procession began lo move at 1-4 past 4. At 20 minutes past
4 it moved ! Under the general direction of the Commander-in-
Chief, Gen. Gurreybuldie, it passed through Conway and Wells Sts.,
ihen down Main St., and back to High St., then through Church,
Pleasant, Chapman, Davis and School Streets, then down clay hill
through Olive, Hope, Congress, Main, Franklin and Federal Streets
to the common, where, through the ingenuity of Generals McMaho-
ney and Kornrobert, ably seconded by Capts. Jenkins, Culandslash
and Fireeater, and other prominent officers whose names and titles
we are not master of, they were filed ard counter-filed in and
through the park and street around the platform.
Among the carriages that most particularly attracted attention, was
that of the Surgeon, Dr. Hipporcralamus with its dire paraphernalia
of Surgical instruments, its occupant more direful still.
Then the nondescript drawn by a beautifully matched pair of bays,
which had been procured at considerable expense, and which were
so near alike that in looking al one, a person could safely make affi
davit that he saw the other. There was however, on close examin
ation a slight difference in size — one weighing 500, and the other
1500 pounds ! This carriage was occupied by the Orator, Gen.
Kershoot, and the Poet, Hon. Jared Sacksphellow, and was a cross
between a Rockaway and a Stump Machine. The ribbons were held
by a free son of Africa with his brother Sambo a shade darker seat
ed on the baggage rack.
Next came the " famous one horse shay," which with the animal
that leaned against the thills, looked as if, by the unpardonable care
lessness of some of the servants, it had been suffered lo remain out
of doors over night! — bearing with wonderful sangfroid, the hale and
burly form of Hon. Elbridge Gerry, whose " fix up " took the hearts
of a good score of ladies by storm, and who drew from the Orator
of the day one of the most graceful and flattering compliments of
the occasion. Posted behind upon the quarter deck of this peram-

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18
¦iator, was also a specimen of young Africa who enjoyed the glo
rious 4th just as well as though born among us.
Others of equal unique style followed, the whole being strongly
protected by well mounted guards, with Company B, under coni-
mand of the renowned Capt. Fireeater whose rotundity drew suspi
cious glances from the proprietors of the principal restaurants. A
word should be said about the Band of " Hard-shell Harmonists"
under the leadership of Vou Schermenhoorn, but here too the Dic
tionaries fail us. The only description we can attempt is that the
music was arranged in 20 parts, one for each instrument, and as per
formed by this Orchestra could truly claim to have " — charms to
soothe the savage, — To rend a rock and split a cabbage."
Assembled thus around the platform from whose centre rises the
water-pole to a height of 175 feet, the exercises were opened — (we
might say split open) by a three-minute jig from the Band which
petrified all the surrounding hue and cry incident to such occasions,
into the most profound silence, congealed the fountain stream in the
Park, and destroyed nearly all the young trees on the common !
The Orator of the'day, then introduced by the Commander-in-Chief,
who after divesting himself of something, which, in the times of '76
Was worn as an overcoat, and adjusting his ponderous manuscript
(full four feet square) by placing a brick on each side to guard
against the morning breeze — proceeded amidst the most hearty
cheers lo address the multitude. The personal appearance of the
speaker as the sun now above the eastern hills, shone upon that wig,
of invisible yellow, drew forth unmistakeable demonstrations of re
gard and encouragement from fair hands and fairer faces on every
side. Next and last came the Poem, spoken by Mr. Sacksphellow —
written in the true spirit of eagles and heroes and the times of the
Revolution and its effect materially heightened by the very appro
priate and spirited manner in which it was delivered by the talented
Poet of the Day. Then after three cheers for the Orator — three for
the Poet and three for the " Child of the Regiment," which was
finely personated by one of our village boys, at a signal from Gen.
Gurreybuldie, ihusa patriotic heroes — The Hardscrabble Yeomanry
dispersed, and five minutes later not a mother's son of them was lo
be seen. So ended the first act in the comedy and we should call it
a perfect success. One thing is sure, if he who causes a hearty
laugh is a benefactor, the Yeomanry stand well, for there never was
so much of the real live laughter in old Connecticut valley, in one 24
hours as upon this occasion, and there never has been in this town so
many people, the number having been estimated from nine to eleven
thousands.

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